#not ace attorney again but ..HOT GUY!!

[acehalah]

hot guy!!! forgot his sunglasses!!! DANG IT!!

[ot3]

ace attorney characters: do they fuck good?

phoenix: what he lacks in skill and experience (and i DO believe he lacks these things at least until he starts fucking kristoph on the reg) he somewhat makes up for with enthusiasm and taking direction well

mia: i do think she was partying hard at law school almost rumspringa style after getting away from living as a Mountain Nun so yes

maya: i do think she could fuck like a champ but u gotta be in to her clown antics or it's not gonna land. kinda girl who would strip naked and hten u see shes got like eyes drawn on her boobs with sharpie

gumshoe: i think that he's so The Type of whoever is gonna be sleeping with him that it almost doesn't even matter. he's probably fine though. hes a nice guy.

edgeworth and franziska: sharing a slot because they share an answer. no, for identical reasons. they're such neurotic perfectionists that sex terrifies them because there's not any way to practice before someone has to see you do it. they need someone who can love them the way a tween girl loves a Problem Horse to blossom into their full potential

larry: no.

lana: no because shes a workaholic and shes just trying to get it over with half the time because she's got other shit to do

ema: to repeat myself from earlier i think she kind of sucks and kind of doesn't give enough of a shit #depressiongirlswag

apollo: yeah i think apollo fucks

klavier: this one's really hard to me because i do think klavier is giving it his all but due to him being hot and famous i'm just not sure he's ever gotten honest feedback in this department so i really can't say. i think odds are decent that he's mid and coasting and if he ever knew this it'd devastate him

kristoph: unfortunately for everyone i think the answer is yes but only if his entire personality isn't a dealbreaker for you

lang: obviously. next question.

justine: yeah

asougi: not as good as he thinks he is. once again the hotness is doing a bunch of heavy lifting

ryuu: i know he's a freak in bed but i don't think he knows he's a freak. despite or perhaps because of that that i think he's kind of a savant in this department since it's the version of reality that's funniest for me.

van zieks: pray forgive his discourtesy of getting glass shards and red wine stains on the bedsheets and also just generally staring off into space like a brooding widow during these carnal acts

sholmes: the attention span is just too fucked he's that post about leaving someone tied up in the other room and then forgetting. if you could get him to stay still long enough the dick would probably rule but you can't. you just can't.

[dashcon-two]

Our Latest Newsletter and Blorbo the Clown!

Hi all! We just sent out our second newsletter, and we wanted to share some of the same info with y'all here! We’re proud to announce that DashCon 2 has partnered with some wonderful sponsors for our newsletter! DashCon 2 is excited to collaborate with small businesses in the GTA to build DashCon 2 as a community effort. You can find out more on our website. If you run a small business in the GTA and want to support us, feel free to reach out! 

The DashCon 2 team is still doing a lot behind the scenes, and exciting announcements are coming soon, we promise. In the meantime, we're also still working on reaching out to everyone who responded to our volunteer survey. Thank you once again for your support!

Please remember that you can take our quiz on which clown you are, or reach towards the unknown!

THE FINAL CLOWN (art, as always, by @paintbrushinacoffeecup) Now, without further ado, we'd like to introduce you to the final clown, the One Guy who can get anything done:

[ALT TEXT] Blorbo (He/They | Food Vendor/Union Rep) is a short, blue, clown with one hand on his hip and a frown. Blorbo is reportedly a laid-back Party Clown with a little Sad Clown mixed in there. He is very methodical and concerned with safety regulations like a schmuck. He has an artistic streak, enjoying painting, but he rarely has time to do so given his current endeavour to have the circus unionize. He has thus far been unsuccessful, but go get ‘em, champ!

Likes: Ace Attorney, painting, hot dogs, getting paid within a reasonable timeframe, fun socks

Dislikes: Trucks, ball pits, working off the clock, Edmund, blue sour keys

Clowns cannot dream, but Blorbo knows he wants for something more. Or is it that he longs for that which once was? Either path could be folly, or salvation. How is he to know if he never dares to reach towards the unknown?

[mio-nika]

If someone ask me that I would call The Most Insane Fact About Ace Attorney (outside of plot).

I would tell them about Official Character Popularity Poll of 2017. And the character who won it.

Basically in commemoration of 15th anniversary of Ace Attorney series, Capcom run a popularity poll. Normal stuff.

And like. You can guess who would take the first place. Probably someone from main characters. Edgeworth for example. He's hot. And sad. Maybe Klavier? I mean, he's a gyaru fantasy.

But no.

HAHAHA, NOOO

The first place was taken by

THIS GUY

He's a detective from a SINGLE Ace Attorney game. And he will never be in this series again (because of the plot related reasons).

He's not only exists in the single game. Based on my personal research experience he's UNIVERSALLY HATED* and people are trying to forget he even exists.

This fandom is a fucking circus

*ok, he's more hated in English centric parts of the fandom. Like, for some reason people from Russia and Japan are really into him.

[inspector-montoya-fox]

You know sometimes i like using my tumblr as like a brain rot bank? Like a time capsule for thoughts and opinion that cater to no one but everyone is welcome to enjoy and partake. And today i'll be doing just that because i have finally finished The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles. If you've been following me for a while you know that this is lowkey monumental because (a) it means that i have officially played all Ace Attorney games, and (b) i have been struggling to finish these two games since their bundled release three years ago. So, i just wanted to share some general thoughts, some tier lists, and feel free to let me know what you think if you read what i have to say!

Ok so, my main takeaway from playing the two games is that... Dr Courtney Sithe is a bad bitch deserving of the same praise as Franziska, Lana Skye, Justine Courtney, Dee Vasquez and Calisto Yew. I genuinely love her so much. Miss Buttplug Hair got her PhD in being a girlboss and i'm so upset she was only in one case. For such a cool character with an amazing design, she was criminally underdeveloped. Same goes for my other fav, Rei Membani. Soon as it was mentioned that Professor Mikotoba and Judge Jigoku were on their way to the UK, i was one hundred percent sure she'd accompany them, and i was ultimately disappointed. To have her right next to Susato on the game's cover art and give her such an amazing takedown of Raiten Menimemo... and then just not have her be anywhere else was such a shame. I need more Dr Sithe and Rei !

The rest of the games' characters were a bit of a mixed bag with some obvious (and some unexpected) stand-outs. Here's my tier list:

Notes:

The biggest surprise that came when i was making this is how high i placed Herlock. I started off hating him so much and then he just suddenly grew on me so quickly, i hadn't even noticed. One of my favourites for sure.

I think we can all collectively agree that we have, at some point in our lives, embodied Pop Windibank... poor guy...

I don't know what Kazuma's deal is. He starts off as Ryunosuke's Mia Fey before um... just becoming a jerk? Why does he have beef with his best friend who was literally mourning him for almost a year? Can't lie though, the bitch looks hot in his white uniform.

Some of the jurors made a bigger impression than actual characters/ witnesses, just by having cool designs. Mainly the green lady, who rightfully earned her spot in the third tier after i found out she's supposed to be a reincarnation of the teacher from PLvsPW !

Eggert Benedict or whatever the fuck that rich breakdancing asshole is called, cannot be a final villain i'm sorry. Seriously, what were they thinking?

The two redheads are such a shameless rip-off of the Skulkins. Two ruffians taking the witness stand for the game's climax AGAIN !? And during the credits, they pose in their prison cell with "Gossip" in the middle the exact same way Eggert and the Skulkins did in the credits of Adventures, like no thank you.

I love how my overall bottom 3 are an annoying str*ight couple and a child.

If Stronghart wasn't in the second (very coveted) tier, he'd be in the bottom of 'like !' because he was ok. It's blatantly obvious he's the big bad from the second he's introduced but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Also, i need him and Damon Gant to have a fat titty bounce-off.

Moving on to criticisms, i can't help but feel like the fact that Shu Takumi decided to split his original script into two games only served to hurt the entire project. Because, for starters, each game has a different feel and the two don't match. Adventures is reminiscent of PLvsPW, Takumi's whimsical and eccentric love letter to the UK that hinges heavily on exposition. Resolve, on the other hand, is a bit of a mix between its predecessor and traditional Ace Attorney, its cases focusing more on driving the narrative to its conclusion rather than experimenting on the classic formula (as with the first game). It also echoes aspects of the first Investigations, bringing in diplomatic immunity, international relations, "tracking down and going against the head of the evil organisation" (the Reaper storyline is very similar to the Yatagarasu one). Personally the two vibes don't mesh, even when Resolve tries to latch onto Adventures with Memoirs of the Clouded Kokoro, for example.

Then, the pacing in both games is all over the place. Adventures is just so unreasonably and unashamedly long-winded and slow, it's the reason it took me literally three years to get into it. The game repeats the same lines of dialogue again and again until they're made painfully clear, subsequently making the player (or at least me) feel like an idiot who needs to read the same thing 13 times in order to get it. This, coupled with the fact that actual gameplay was almost nowhere to be seen and that progression in the courtroom almost always relied on not pointing out inconsistencies but pressing the witnesses adjacent to the one testifying, made the game such a slog to get through. And once the game started to pick up, it was over before i even knew it and in a very unceremonious fashion no less. In comparison, Resolve is very streamlined, albeit a bit too fast-paced. With the exception of Memoirs, which felt like shameless filler, it's clear that they wanted to waste zero time and crammed so much stuff into the episodes, to the point where it became difficult to keep track of everything going on. Because, keep in mind, the second game was tasked with tying up all the loose threads from the first one.

This leads to my final criticism regarding the split: inconsistencies and unresolved mysteries. I think it reads as careless writing when questions keep sprouting everywhere and their answers are reserved for the final two episodes of the second game. Even Unspeakable, a final case, introduces mysteries tied to the overarching narrative just for them to be shelved until Twisted Karma, leaving the player with a sense of dissatisfaction when the game ends. Not only is it frustrating to keep track of all the unsolved mysteries, a chore which good writing would not expect from the player, but it also has you questioning whether or not some of them will get answered at all. Why was the selection of jurors obviously rigged? Why did Van Zieks stop appearing in court five years prior? Where did he lose his gun in Twisted Karma? Why didn't Stronghart assassinate Madame Tusspells as well? Why is Kazuma fully exonerated after admitting to his involvement in the assassin exchange? I grouped the unresolved mysteries with inconsistencies as one problem because the latter is a result of the former. The majority of mysteries spills over from the first game to the second, giving way to different phrasing, details getting glossed over and the plot's consequences getting ignored. There's a very apparent shift in Gregson's character, for example, going from uncooperative and rigid in Adventures to more forgiving and helpful in Resolve, all the while his misconduct from Unspeakable is seemingly forgotten and met with zero ramifications. There's also the government's secret message about the assassin exchange Herlock deciphered at the end of the first game, which sets up the second game nicely but then doesn't get mentioned until the very last day in court. Like, come on now. It feels like Resolve continues Adventures' story without wanting to acknowledge it because, in the grand scheme of things, McGilded and Eggert Benedict seem to not matter at all. And then there's Memoirs, which... Inconsistency City, honestly. This episode's lack of impact on the overall story allowed it to be literally anything else. It's such a bizarre choice to have it be something which only achieves in taking away from the first Clouded Kokoro case! Like ok, i can get behind it being a case no one wanted to talk about so it didn't make the first game. I can turn a blind eye to the inconsistent character development and timeline, whatever. But it absolutely drives me nuts that, for an Ace Attorney game where the murders are explained in full detail, they couldn't stay consistent with the direction Olive Green was walking in. Hate. Loathe. Get it away from me.

That pretty much covers it in terms of complaints, because otherwise i enjoyed my playthrough quite a bit actually. I know i've just spent like 3 mega-sized paragraphs complaining but the games have great elements as well. The Deduction dances are easily the best thing about the gameplay, especially when you didn't see them coming. They were so much fun to play, very animated and cartoony with amazing banter, and effortlessly accelerated the investigation segments. Equally, i loved Judicial Findings. Undoubtedly my favourite part of the courtroom sections and a welcome change of pace. I tended to stall a lot because the jury's music fucks so hard. While on the topic of what i liked, Ryunosuke and Susato's chemistry rivals what Phoenix and Maya have going on. Susato leaving at the end of Adventures was a genuinely effective point in the plot, even though i knew she'd be back.

Now, let's take a closer look at the episodes. Here's my overall tier list of all Ace Attorney cases, the Great Ace Attorney ones being highlighted in yellow:

Notes:

Blossoming Attorney gobbled the rest of the girls right up (a court-only episode, no less). They gave us Susato gameplay, what more can you ask for? An amazing case. Gay Women in STEM !!

Return kinda strikes a nice balance between the different feels of the two games i mentioned before. You've got exposition and world-building with the whole Great Exhibition, turn of the century mad science thing, but also classic Ace Attorney with tracking down Drebber (very Matt Engarde's apartment) and Madame Tusspells as just some witness (very Lisa Basil). A very fun case right before the clusterfuck of mysteries ensues. Also, Dr Courtney Sithe !!!!! Girl you're such a star and you don't even know it spit in my mouth

Was tempted to put Unspeakable in the second tier but i think it's earned its high placement on its own merit and not because of personal bias. It's a great case. Maybe not for a final one, but it's still great. It tries its hardest to tie up some loose ends before the game ends and that's worth something.

Resolve of Ryunosuke is objectively better than Twisted because i could not give less of a fuck about the purple guy's headache and Espella Cantabella selling firecrackers, but they're both very much one single package. Extra points to Resolve of Ryunosuke though for having its villain sit at the judge's seat. That was neat.

The two Clouded Kokoros are giving stinky Bri ish culture with the whole apartment building background, like Ribena, bad teeth, rusty Union Jack, horseshit breath at the pub, you awrite luv? Slander, i'm sorry.

Slightly unrelated but when i was making this tier list it became so obvious that Investigations 2 is the crown jewel of the franchise. Like it has two cases in the top 5, how can you even argue against that?

Arriving to a conclusion, i'd say both games belong on the same level as Apollo Justice: a blend of good and bad. My experience playing the Ace Attorney franchise has followed this trend of attaching each game to a pivotal moment in my life. I finished the first game while i was still a soldier, Justice for All during my first year at university, Dual Destinies during Covid lockdown, Investigations while helping my parents set up their shop one summer. So i know i'll look back at playing The Great Ace Attorney Chronicles right after handing my dissertation very fondly. In other words, despite not quite sticking the landing, it's left a very pleasant aftertaste. Thank you for reading!

[loveislandthegame]

thoughts on todays volume !

leo is…well, at least he’s not dean 😭 i like his personality but he looks like a mix of dylan from season 4 & wesley stickler from ace attorney

i feel like FB is overexplaining why OG LI didn’t leave when MC got dumped. i get that they’re trying to make him look good (& get more money from players by milking these backstory gem scenes lol) but tacking on even more stuff is making the whole thing look nonsensical

FB! make this evil twink a love interest and MY LIFE IS YOURS ! (i guess they are aware of the slim shady comparison lmao)

but for real, i still don’t know if he’s gonna be an LI or not. i can't tell if he has any significant dialogue changes and i'm too lazy to start another playthrough. he doesn't have amnesia though, he remembers that ive been flirting with him (i forgot to screenshot his first piece of dialogue but he’s talking about the spin the bottle kiss)

there’s not much to say about mr. love island, except that FB seriously needs to retire that gross looking yellow massage oil overlay. at least adjust the hue a bit 😭

caleb sticking up for MC was very sweet 🥺❤️ obviously she can defend herself just fine, but he’s a real one for this. it’s making me feel bad that i haven’t spent any time with him in the villa (if only we could be a friendship couple, instead of the game forcing us to lead him on)

the spirit of season 1 MC possessed us for just a moment, i was gagged 😭 i ended up forgiving ava tho, i wish we could just be friends with the girls that aren't also LIs. i know i keep saying it but this one sided rivalry shit is so boring

the ex rated challenge was what i expected: LIs get decent reviews, MC gets the only 5 star rating. not to nitpick (in the sense that there's much bigger issues with FB's LGBT representation) but i don’t know why we couldn’t have chosen the gender of MC’s ex, especially since ash is already a gender neutral name (there could’ve easily been a dialogue option like “my ex…boyfriend/girlfriend/partner” before telling the story)

since MC won the challenge, she gets to go to the hideaway. i don't know why it's a secret or why none of these nosy af islanders tried to figure out what the prize was. anyways, i chose lisbeth ! it was so cute that they mentioned being happy to be there with eachother again

this damn box— whatever, i picked sexy dice

all those letters teasing movie night got me scared luv, i’m sure the main event is gonna be nyah in the shower with dean, but i’m bracing myself for MC and lisbeth caught doing bits all over the villa in 4K. i hate how wlw routes have to be sneaky/shady/hoe route-adjacent (it really sucks because i remember complimenting FB for the dialogue you get if you kept choosing her over the guys up until the first hideaway visit)

i'm still holding out hope for enemies to friends but sadly i won't be surprised if she does a full 180 in the next volume

next up is a three way date with hayden and caleb, unfortunately we can’t make them kiss challengers-style. i picked neutral answers whenever i could, but caleb won whatever compatibility thing we were doing because i liked his answers more lol

tristan’s rapping…i was gonna say “welcome back, rap crew” but tim, rohan, even jake would never come up with bars as horrible as those 😭 (can you tell i miss season 1)

lisbeth got jealous, so she took us on a hot tub date ❤️😭lately all of her scenes mention something among the lines of “i can’t wait until we’re finally able to couple up," when the hell is the recoupling ?! the last volume ? my heart can’t take it

hayden, caleb, tristan, and leo are on the chopping block. i have no idea why milo is safe & not the two dudes who’ve been here for one day and are still single, but alright.

it’d be hilarious if tristan got dumped again, but i’m guessing they’re gonna keep him around for drama (or he's a LI ?) . leo will probably stay to be ava’s partner, so my prediction will be that MC will have to choose between OG LI and casa LI

overall, there's 4 volumes left, why on earth are we dealing with a forced love triangle instead of spending time with our chosen LI ? at the very least i'd be more invested if it was between lisbeth and jesse, or even eisha if FB was too lazy to branch for a love triangle with different LI genders 😭 (even though they were able to do that back in season 3, with the iconic "i've got a beautiful girl and a handsome guy fighting for my attention. i'm living the bisexual dream") what a mess

i'm not looking forward to movie night, but i guess OG LI loyal girlies will probably be considered cheaters too, let's all be miserable together 🥀

[hot-take-tournament]

ngl kind of breaks my heart to see you used one of those ai bot things after the entire vocaloid debate. i really don't like that you did that and i'm a little disappointed. can you please not do that again?

I know - I do need to address this before anything else, because I fucked up

Please read the whole thing

If any of you don't know the context of this ask;

Basically, a while back I used the program AI Dungeon to generate a hot take for fun;

That's the program they use for those chaotic AI videos you find on youtube, like the ai ace attorney clown case and the sonic destruction scripts, which has some absolutely wild moments like these

I just put in a couple one-sentence questions to see what it would give me, not really expecting anything. But the take it did finally give me was not only completely depraved, but also felt like such a weirdly personal attack on me specifically that it left me genuinely speechless.

So, even though I didn't originally intend to do this, I decided to secretly make a poll for it claiming it was a submission, because I thought it might be fun to see if you guys could guess which one of the polls was the fake one, Blade Runner style.

I generated the take on the same day that submissions originally closed, but I only came clean about it last night because I started to feel super guilty about it after reading the vocaloid discourse - but the way I did it was vague, shitty and insincere.

I know it was 4 in the morning and I said I was going to get some sleep when I made the post last night, but after I saw the asks I immediately got about that post - like this one - I instead deleted it after like 2 minutes and spent the next 4-5 hours scouring the internet for as much information about this as I could find so I could get the full picture. This isn't the first time I fucked up on this blog because I didn't do my research, so I think I massively overcompensated - I really didn't want a repeat of that time the master post accidentally triggered multiple people's OCD; I still feel awful about that.

And as a result, I ended up passing out on my bathroom floor, which is why you haven't heard from me in a while.

I did genuinely read all the vocaloid discourse (asks, replies, notes, all of it) - but since I pulled this stunt ages ago, and the secret poll is already up, it was already too late. And it was because of that vocaloid discourse that I felt like it would just make me a hypocrite if I just swept it under the rug and kept quiet while everyone else was talking about the exact same subject, so I decided to just tell you guys as soon as possible because I'd feel shitty if I didn't - but I still phrased that post in a more light-hearted way because that was what I originally intended this whole thing to be, which was definitely a mistake, and I can't apologise enough for that.

And I know I didn't clarify this in that original post, but like I said, the program I used was AI Dungeon, which was something I remembered having fun with back in 2019/2020, spending hours generating unhinged Ace Attorney cases; and I remembered I still had an account from back then when it was still free to play, even though I hadn't touched it in 4 years - and I realised I would still be able to bypass the paywall using it.

I'd also just watched those snapcube Sonic Destruction videos that I linked above and it reminded me of that. And I dug up those old AI Dungeon Ace Attorney cases that I had generated and then recreated in objection i.o. back when I was 17/18, and had been sitting on my old computer's hard drive for ever since - and they still made me smile a little. So that's how I got the impulse to do this.

And that's also why, even though I knew about the writer's strike and do fully support it, it just didn't occur to me that the AI that gave us that same insane Sonic Destruction script that I'd just watched would be one of the programs the writers were striking over - I just assumed that it was only programs like ChatGPT, that can produce coherent scripts based on the accumulated information users feed into it; because those are programs that could definitely potentially be used to replace human writers. That's something AI Dungeon can't do, because it doesn't retain user input after you shut it down.

So I just saw AI Dungeon as that goofy ass confused AI that I loved as a kid, the one that provides insanely weird responses out of the blue as it desperately tries to cobble together a narrative, and it was used in videos that I still really like. And I thought it would be fine.

That was how I justified it at the time - but in hindsight, given how much I hate other GPT programs like ChatGPT, as well as AI art and all other generated content overall, it just makes me even more of a stupid hypocrite for making an exception for this one simply because I was blinded by nostalgia, and not bothering to look it up back then like I should've done. Because at the end of the day, a GPT program is a GPT program.

SO - Here's what I found online while reading up on it last night:

Because of the outdated GPT model AI Dungeon runs on, it isn't possible from a technical standpoint for it to learn like ChatGPT does. Even though it still uses a dataset, as far as I can tell it genuinely can't add to that dataset from user input except for when it explicitly asks for feedback (rarely, it will generate two responses instead of one, and ask you to pick the best one so it can learn - but you can turn that feature off.) And while it does try to learn while you're using it, it can't carry that information over between sessions. So even if you reload the same page again, it won't retain what it learned last time.

(Here's some information I found while combing ancient reddit threads that explains this better than I can)

But even if all of that is true, it doesn't matter.

Latitude, the developers of AI Dungeon, are super fucking scummy, and you shouldn't support them.

If you want to look up all of the many, many controversies surrounding AI Dungeon, you can - but I won't link them here, because serious content warnings apply.

Do not use this program.

I really hope the anon who sent this ask - and everyone else who called me out on this - stuck around, because I am so, so grateful that you all sent these, otherwise I probably would never have known.

I deleted the post almost instantly (because like I said, it was too light-hearted), and I'm really glad I did. And I swear I won't pull this shit again.

I know a lot of you hate the fact that I did this - that original post genuinely got me blocked by more of you guys than every single one of the polls combined - which is totally fair, and I wouldn't blame any of you for doing the same now.

I really just want to move on from this - but I can't just pretend that it didn't happen.

Support the writer's strike, don't use any AI programs.

I'm really sorry about this, and the fact that I didn't take it seriously enough - like I said, I promise it won't happen again.

</3

[skatingbi]

So i finished the first AA game and heres my notes (in no particular order) as a new fan:

I had a mental breakdown over realizing i had to fucking cross examine a parrot. Then my bestie TOLD ME theres an IRL case where an African grey parrot was a fucking WITNESS and i just fucking lost it. Why would this game put me through this. Do they want me to go insane? To claw at the fucking podium? To cry while i desperately ask this fucking parrot to recite something? Im gonna-

Uhhhh this game gives off ACAB energy and i live for it

I never want to dust for fingerprints again

Gumshoe is literally perfect and if you disagree then we gonna FIGHT

Edgeworth had me simultaneously ripping my hair out and wanting to kiss him on the mouth

FUCK YOU BLUE BADGER I WILL INCINERATE YOUR ASS AND THEN FEED YOUR ASHES TO THE PARROT

Phoenix <3

thats it. Thats the bullet point.

No but fr whys he so hot??? And relatable hes such a hater deep down somebody let him be a hater and let him speak his truth!!!

Gant deserves so much worse than whatever sentence he got

Speaking of Gant that mf made me so uncomfortable the whole time i wanted to run away fr

Speaking of murderers fuck you von karma i hated you being the prosecutor and prayed for edgeworth's return the entire time u were around

Legally speaking, every single witness would have ended up in jail but its okay (i tell myself as larry jumps up onto the podium)

Me, tears streaming down my face as the witness lies to my face for the third time in a row: its just and game and it cant hurt you-

SOEAKING OF LAWS PHOENIX SHOULD BE IN JAIL??? WHY ARE YOU DUSTING FINGERPRINTS UR A LAWYER

Do NOT play this game while studying criminal justice or criminal law. You will only hurt urself.

Ema i will protect you with my life idc if u moved away

Somebody diagnose Edgeworth...idk what but hes got something going on

The crime rate in wherever this game takes place must be CRAZYYY aint nobody moving there once the census drops

Theres no heterosexual explanation for the way Edgeworth talks to Phoenix in court. My bestie has literally had to hear me rant about how fucking gay this guy is several times already. Please...Just kiss or something. Its painful to watch.

Anyways i fucking love this game and will binge the next one in one sitting after finals!!

This game single handedly got me through my breakup. Thanks Ace Attorney <3

[mlmvoreconfessionals]

Omg I noticed you wrote a small blurb about will powers from ace attorney and wondered if you write some more about him as a pred this time? Something about a big guy like him being so shy yet having such a big appetite (and equally huge dumps) is just so hot

Yeah, he’s definitely my second favorite character for vore ideas so I’d love to get to him!

W.ill sweats a bit in the dingy bathroom stall, a nervous smile on his face as his guts groaned noisily. This really isn't good. This is the fifth time in a month he accidentally digested one of the stunt actors during the fight. And the only reason it's been stunt actors is because he's not allowed to fight the actual actor anymore...not since the recasting. W.ill grunts as another thick log of crap slides out of him, bits of bone and costume giving him a bit of a workout with this dump. The costume department is going to be very angry at another ruined suit--he ends up ruining those half as often as he does the stunt actors. And it's not like W.ill means to keep eating the actors! He just gets so into his role and hungry during the fighting sequences that...well...he can't really control himself. And before he knows it he has some poor guy putting up a fight in his gut. He's never really figured out how to spit people out, either. They all get out eventually but...W.ill winces as a deep fart echos in the bowl under him, followed by a few more logs of crap sliding out. No one really appreciates it when he lets people out like this. It's not as though getting more stunt performers has been much of an issue, at least. But they always have to stop filming while W.ill dumps out the last one and they work on getting another guy in the suit and ready for the sequence. W.ill's pretty sure the only reason he hasn't been fired yet is because the others are a little...scared of him. With how easily he digests those stunt workers on set, he could just as easily do that to anyone else. He's not quick to anger though, he'd never think of doing that, even if he was fired! But...well...the job security is nice at least. With a final push, W.ill gets the last of the shit out of his system. It takes a few flushes to make it all go down but thankfully these crummy toilets are capable of doing their jobs. It'll be a day or two before they're ready to film the scene again...maybe W.ill can snag some lunch then. Just one stunt actor doesn't always fill him up.

W.ill had to do all the fan meet-ups in costume. Something about his face scaring people too much. He didn't really mind though, it was always nice being able to get in character for the crowds. They always seemed to enjoy it a lot! But some fans got too curious about the guy under the mask and they'd follow after W.ill whenever he went to take a break and cool off. Most actors had security to prevent stuff like this, but everyone knew W.ill could handle it on his own just fine. So when three guys thought they'd have an easy chance of sneaking into the dressing room and getting a peek at the guy under the mask, W.ill already knew he'd be taking a bit longer of a break. They're all pulled into the room quickly, the door shutting behind them. "Sorry about this," W.ill says with a nervous smile. "But we have a really strict 'No trespassing' policy." The three men thrash some more in W.ill's arms as he drags the, further into the room. Being in that suit always makes him sweaty, so W.ill realizes this might be a bit cruel, but it's the easiest way to deal with the trespassers. He gets one of their heads wedged into his exposed pecs, letting it disappear right through his thick chest hairs as if they had swallowed him up. W.ill lets go of him, now leaving one arm around one guy as his chest begins to flex and suck its meal deeper. The other two are left stunned, giving W.ill enough time to shuffle off more of his outfit. Once their faces are shoved into his hairy pits, they start thrashing again, but they're being swallowed up just as easily as their pal. The thick musk the actor is terminating must be awful on top of how damp it likely is. W.ill isn't an especially cruel man, even to his meals, but he was told rather explicitly that he can't let any nosy guys see his face and they didn't have the cash for the addition security. He has an hour before he has to be back out there, so his arms and chest flex more and more, sucking the guys deeper. He should get them finished off just in time to get back out there this way. With a flex of his chest, a pair of twitching feet disappear under the hair, and two flexes of his biceps puts away the last two meals. W.ill sighs contently, leaning back on his couch as he continues to flex his arms and chest. His prey yell and wiggle around, bulging out his muscles with their forms. But over time, their bodies begin to break down, growing weaker as W.ill's tenderizes him. Bones begin to pop and crack and his muscles shrink down as he puts his meals away. They'll leave W.ill a bit bulkier but he should still fit in his costume. "I hope the look was worth it at least," W.ill says to prey that can't hear him anymore. He stinks even worse than before after reducing them to stink and muscle mass. Hopefully, the costume masks it...he doesn't want to have to eat a group of fans to stop the bad press of him smelling bad. Again.

W.ill wakes up feeling a bit woozy still. He yawns softly, rubbing his eyes as he comes to. Last night is a bit of a haze. He recalls...going out for some drinks last night to celebrate their season finale filming being done. He recalls a couple guys coming up to him...and he had a few drinks. Then they came back to his place and...W.ill frowns and sits up in bed. His gut sloshes and hangs down in his lap. It's bigger than it had been yesterday, but not big enough for it to be two men. The actor sighs softly and rubs his face a bit. "Not again..." He tries not to bring guys back to his room because this always happens. He has a sleep-eating problem, and it usually doesn't impact him too much. But when there are other guys in his bed, he always seems to go to sleep with them close by and wakes up with his belly mostly done with them. He never means to do it...but he can't stop himself when he's sleeping. And with so many drinks in him, he wasn't thinking straight. W.ill sighs as he gets out of bed, going to the bathroom to plant himself on his toilet. The deep fart he blasts into the toilet helps jolt him awake a bit, as does the pungent smell coming from it when he starts to drop off thick logs of shit. He didn't even remember the two men's faces. Must've been a couple looking to have a bit of fun. W.ill feels bad for digesting them like that...but at least he won't need breakfast. He flushes every so often, careful not to clog his toilet. He hates having those awkward conversations with the plumber over it. Five flushes later and the one-night stand is dumped, letting W.ill get up and go about the rest of his morning. As bad as he might feel, by lunchtime, he won't even be thinking about them anymore. Everyone eventually forgets about the food they ate, after all.

[roastbeasts]

for the ask game: 4, 10, 14, 32!! and feel free to send me some if you like (no pressure) :D

4. who is/was your most intense sapphic crush?

i think the most intense crush i had (sans my partners obviously) was on this girl jenna at summer camp when i was like 13. she was like this fat buff bisexual who deadlifted me once for a talent show we were doing. she had a bunch of scars from various accidents & not-accidents that covered her arms and her shirts were extremely big on me but i loved wearing them bc they smelled like her. we dated ("dated" in a summer camp way) for a month or so and then i completely lost contact with her i hope she's butchin it up still

10. did you do anything gay as a kid that makes sense when you look back on your childhood?

the only thing i can really think of was fucking OBSESSING over fictional women and denying the fact that i was a lesbian the entire time. the first woman i ever actively obsessed over was astrid from httyd at the ripe old age of 9, then tigress from kpf at 12, then lucina from fire emblem at 13-14, ema skye from ace attorney at 15, and so on

14. list five things you look for in a partner, or five things you love about your current partner(s).

i have two partners! i love them both dearly. here are 5 things i love ab them:

i love gawain's sense of humor. by far the funniest person i've ever met by a longshot

i love how gawain is always willing to fight for me. no one in my life has ever really done that before

gawain is also a colossal artistic inspiration to me. his art owns supremely in a way that i don't have the words for

gawain is one passionate guy. just like in general. ab causes, ab me, ab doing stupid shit in video games. i love it

also he's hot as fuck. like insanely hot. drop dead gorgeous

i love charlie's gentleness. he's like full of kindness always

that being said, i love charlie's small kindnesses. he's got a tag for my art on his blog

i also love charlie's dedication. he'll send me those dunmeshi blingee things every morning and even if i can't / don't respond he just keeps doing it and i never want him to stop

i love charlie's art. he's a writer and that is something extremely beyond me but reading his writing is always a treat

most of all i think i love charlie's laugh. i don't think i've heard anything quite like it

32. tell a funny story about something really gay you’ve done.

not to bring up jenna again but she would literally ask me questions like what my bra size was and if i was into girls and i was so fucking oblivious at the time (our whirlwind romance happened the following summer) i just thought it was like a #girlthing to have conversations like this. she'd invite me to sleep in her bunk w her. we made candles together. also the deadlifting thing. and i left that summer very sure of my heterosexuality somehow

shoot me a number and i will bear my lesbian soul

[mutxnts]

20 fic questions

tagged by @oodlyenough to do this!! thank you <33

1. how many works do you have on Ao3?

i have 22 works posted!

2. what's your total ao3 word count?

42,292 words! that actually really surprises me bc all of the things i write are one shots, and they aren't particularly long. i thought this number would be farrrrrr lower

3. what fandoms do you write for?

currently only ace attorney!

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

a cold night in ikea (xmen) good old days (ace attorney) lost (xmen) sunsets over genosha (xmen) hot, sticky, sweet (ace attorney)

5. do you respond to comments?

yes!!!! i always make a point to respond :) i don’t really get that many comments on my fics so i always want to show some appreciation for the people that do take time to write something!!

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i guess lost? but the thing is i don't really like to write pure angst. most of the angst i write has a happy ending so by definition, that's probably the only fic i've written that has an angsty ending

7. what’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

hmm see this is difficult when most of my fics have a happy ending and i think it's a little subjective which one is the happiest. but maybe sweet, sweet bliss since it's basically just pure fluff?

8. do you get hate on fics?

thankfully not, although i did get a slightly weird comment a couple months ago that i THINK was trying to jokingly tease me about how the characters were being ooc bc phoenix never gave edgeworth a blowjob in the games. and then they ended the comment with “but good job writing a story.” the problem is i did not know the person and so it did not really feel like much of a joke and it just. idk it felt very weird so i ended up deleting it

9. do you write smut? if so, what kind?

i only recently started posting smut. i still feel a little awkward about it bc both times it’s been pwp, and with that it’s just like. yeah here’s two guys fucking. that’s it. but maybe that’s just the ace in me talking and feeling kinda weird about it gjsjfjdjfjdf

10. do you write crossovers? what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

normally no i do not, but i started talking about which pokemon some of the ace attorney characters would have with a friend. and from there we started talking about so many headcanons that i started writing something for that universe bc i was inspired, but i honestly haven't touched it in a few months bc i got distracted writing other things lol

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i’m aware of, so hopefully never!

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes!!!! again this goes back to my fics i wrote as a kid (so back when i was still on wattpad), but a few people translated my fics into other languages. the only one i can remember specifically was it was translated into turkish, but i remember there being other ones as well

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

i have not! and i think that’s just bc i write roleplays with people instead

14. what’s your all time favorite ship?

either cherik or narumitsu <3

15. what’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

probably the one i ended up posting anyway since i feel like i'll never come back to it skdfjgjsdfgkj

16. what are your writing strengths?

i think i’m a pretty concise writer, since i write how i think most people would speak. if that makes sense? my answer in the next question kinda gets into that, but i think i’m just not really someone who goes super artistic with my writing

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

i think i’m not the best at writing prose. like, i’m not great with using very flowery, poetic kinda language or vocabulary. i struggle with that a lot. also, i can’t really write long fics, or even multi chapter fics. i just do not have the energy or motivation to do either one lol so that’s why all my fics are one shots

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i try to do it as little as possible bc i only know english, so i have to turn to google translate. and even then i try to stick to only pet names and other terms of endearment, so it’s not like i’m even really writing full sentences or anything in another language

19. first fandom you wrote for?

percy jackson!

20. favorite fic you’ve written?

honestly it's so hard to choose but maybe blinding lights! i'm pretty sure it was the most excited i've ever been to write a fic, but i also recall really enjoying the setting of a cold night in ikea and being able to write that :) that one was the first time i had written fan fic since i was in high school, and it made me fall in love with writing again

tagging @japanifornication @sevenyeargap @ivy-saurs and anyone else that wants to do this! though no worries if you don't want to :)

[oracleofsecrets]

VIOLENCE AND BLOOD AND MAKING EVERYBODY MAD. 1, 19, and 25 >:)

SAE 0W-20. Oh oops. Wrote this in notes app so. Here, have my car’s motor oil flavor

Anyway I think I’ll do ace attorney bc that’s the one I’ve been Most aware of its fandom

1 — character everyone gets wrong

There are several,,, but the ones that peeve me the most are Maya and Franziska

Maya’s often flattened into memester burger queen comedic relief who dispenses Romantic advice to make nrmt happen. It’s such a waste when she’s got So much happening and is pretty damn smart

Similarly, Franziska is sidelined even More and is reduced to Angry Meanie and also a prop to encourage nrmt. I find that the average franziska portrayal is really one-note and is just like “Haha she says fool and whips people” which sucks bc again she has So much unexplored complexity in the games And in fandom that people wouldn’t hesitate to explore if she were a male character instead

And also these tend to combine into really boring franmaya just to make sunshine/grump happen. Or again, they’re off to the side or used only as a vehicle for nrmt development.

Or like… I’ve seen ppl think Maya was head over heels for Franziska from Day One like. No??? Wtf? I think Maya had More Important Things on her mind than like. “Ooh that person prosecuting me is kinda hot👀”

I can’t even elaborate Too much bc I’d be here all day but. Also criminally misportrayed is Phoenix. He is not uwu sunshine bleeding heart heart on his sleeve. And neither is Ryuunosuke.

Ok one more salt. Temenos OctopathTraveler2 wasn’t Madly In Love with Crick. Also he is Not as horny/flirty as many are portraying him as…. He outright said staves don’t need sheaths smh my head

19 — smth I’m mad/ashamed I actually kinda like

My lawyer says I don’t have to answer this question

(jk)

Idk if Shame/anger is the word for it. But I want to study kristoph under a microscope and also purposefully zoom in too far so that he gets crushed when the long magnifier breaks the slide glass

It’s more like… I don’t want to be associated w people who like genuinely think he was just misunderstood 🥺 uwuuu he was in WUV, he had a bad childhood. or the opposite, with ppl who go a lot darker in their interpretation bc that’s just not smth I want to think about

Cuz like. Obviously this guy fucking sucks and I hate him but also he’s sooooo pathetic that it’s funny

And also I think it’s interesting to think about like, what being friends (or “friends”) with someone like that for Seven Years does to Phoenix. Bc I lov putting that man through the wringer ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

25 — common fandom complaint sick of hearing

Any apologism and vehement defense of shitty male characters lol

Godot’s shitty condescending misogynistic remark at franziska wasn’t a mistranslation. He calls her a shrew/unruly woman, basically says “that’s enough princess, it’s adult time” (notably using “-Chan”, where Phoenix calls her Von Karma Kenji [“prosecutor von karma”]). This line was translated to “But you can go now, princess. It's time for the big boys to take the reins.” So like…. Where’s the misinterpretation 🤨

And also he says “I don’t like talkative women”. There might be more nuance there that google translate can’t capture but like. That’s Still a sexist thing to say.

Just admit ur horny for godot and don’t care about women

Mvk doesn’t have lead poisoning; he’s an emotionally abusive parent and shitty person. Like u don’t even have to squint at the games to come to that conclusion. Kin memories and brainless analysis won’t disprove that. Sometimes abusers can even do nice things or genuinely love someone, but that doesn’t mean they’re not abusive

Barok van Zieks doesn’t have a Redemption arc from his Constant Indefensible Racism. You clowns are just horny and have bad taste.

[awkward-thinker]

Welp, here I go! :Dc

Little Big Planet 2—my friends and I would play together on my console all the time! I loved getting to make and copy costumes, and also play through RPG house levels, as well as that one Jeff the Killer one where he would appear in different parts of the level. If you tried, you could get all four of his appearances (they all spawn separately and one doesn’t disappear after one comes) after you! I also still adore LBP Karting. (And I’m so, SO angry that hackers got the servers on LBP2 shut down. D:<)

Undertale—it introduced me to alternate universes, helped my OCs occupy my brain, and also had an AWESOME soundtrack. It definitely helped shape my taste in music—which is pretty much all video game soundtracks. XD

Bendy and the Ink Machine—my cousin and I both loved it for the aesthetic, but neither of us could actually play the game at the time. I loved getting to see it get popular slowly, back when their merch was beginning to hit stores like Hot Topic and GameStop. And then I finally was able to get it for myself! Chapter 3 is still my favorite one, and DA Games’ playthrough of it never gets old.

Five Nights at Freddy’s—BOY, was I scared of the animatronics. One time, me and one of my other cousins (she’s older) were playing FNAF 2, and Foxy jumpscared us—we ran out of the room SO FAST it wasn’t even funny. She kept tryna make me go back in the room first (as if Foxy could jump out of the screen lmao). And another time, the cousin that liked BATIM as well and I were watching Weimtime’s FNAF 2 “It’s Been So Long” piano video, and we got jumpscared by the Marionette at the end of the video. My cousin had to watch Nerdy Nummies’ watermelon cake pops to cope. And I had a nightmare about the Marionette that night. Funnily enough, FNAF 4 wasn’t even out yet.

Aaand finally, Pokémon Moon! It was my first ever Pokémon game, and I loved every minute of it. Everything about it was just so good. This one time, I met another kid my age in a nail salon (my mom was doing hers), and seeing that I was playing Moon, I think he was the one that came over to me—we both kinda kept looking over at each other before that because we didn’t know whether or not to strike up a conversation. XD He suggested I name my Vaporeon “Ribbon”, and so I did. They’re still named that to this day. I hope I get to see that guy again.

Honorable mentions are Ace Attorney (as well as TGAA), and Hollow Knight. I didn’t name ‘em since I’m still super into them, and they’re less so memories to me than things that I’ll still be really into in the near future. Meaning like uhhh a week from now. XD

Ace Attorney has been my brainrot since around 2019-2020, and I love it so, so much. And, Hollow Knight is an AMAZING AMAZING AMAZING game that I’m so glad I picked up in a GameStop on a whim, just because I thought the font and box art were super cool. I can’t wait for Silksong! <3

[sibillascribbles08]

I'm sorry the unpopular opinions questions are too good so I'm just going to say ace attorney

Oh god

❤: Which character do you think is the most egregiously mischaracterized by the fandom?

Franziska von Karma, easy answer, I don't really hate Franmaya or anything but so many people do not write her properly in that dynamic

🧡: What is a popular (serious) theory you disagree with?

I don't know a ton of AA theories tbhhhh (I don't browse the fandom a lot)

💛: What is a popular ship you just can't get behind, and why?

Franmaya, again, but it's mostly just cause of how it's usually written. (In some cases I've seen it handled well)

💚: What does everyone else get wrong about your favorite character?

I have nothing to say in regards to Edgeworth so second fav-- Apollo would not be the one to fall in love first are you kidding me absolutely not that boy is not the one pining he's far too focused on some other bullshit.

💙: Which character is not as hot as everyone else seems to think?

Look. Edgeworth is not that sexy. He's a great person and I love him dearly but he is NOT that attractive his uncle (?) is hotter I'm sorry.

💜: Which character is way hotter than everyone else seems to think?

Plum Kitake is the hottest character in the entire series bar none that woman is incredible oh my god.

🤍: Which character is not as morally bad as everyone else seems to think?

Thinking like Larry Butz mainly? Like yeah he does some stupid shit and also flirted with Maya that one time but he's?? generally a good guy? Doing his best.

🖤: Which character is not as morally good as everyone else seems to think?

Phoenix alskjdfalskdjf my man was manipulating the HELL out of Apollo in his game and also still hasn't told Apollo he and Trucy are half siblings like, this guy talks about how important the truth is and is sitting here withholding information like a mother fucker

💖: What is your biggest unpopular opinion about the series?

Turnabout Big Top is not as bad as everyone says it is.

💔: If you had to remove one major character from the series, who would you choose?

Phoenix. Deadass let some of the other defense attorneys have some character development. I'm tired.

💕: What is an unpopular ship that you like?

Hm ! I don't have a ton of AA ships but I did think about Trucy and Vera one day being a thing and it was v cute in my mind (after Vera takes some time to recover and branch out obvs)

📖: If you had to remove one book from the series, which would you choose?

I haven't heard good things about AA6

🏳️‍🌈: Which character who is commonly headcanoned as queer doesn't seem queer to you?

See this is tough because we all know every character in AA is queer except Straight Larry, but I will say Edgeworth is not as gay as people like to say asldjfk

💀: If you had to choose one major character to die, who would you choose?

Ahhh of a major character... ngl it would be funny if phoenix died but then just possesses maya and keeps on doing lawyer stuff, wild plotline

[the-scrappy-stinger]

OH no. We're about to have the Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice problem.

Because we're talkin' rakugo.

And particularly bad rakugo, at that. (Although not gonna lie, theatres are great places to sleep...) This older guy doesn't have any apprentices left because all of them, mostly his star pupil Iwashi, quit and started restaurants instead. And the theatre troop is just on the edge of closing dow-

Oh no.

And it has awards. This guy is getting punched.

Then again, this guy is looking pretty punchable. This is Iwashi. He's had the place open for about 10 days and none of his old celebrity buddies have answered his invites to the new place... except his rakugo master, who he treats. His old nobody coworker has to pay for his though.

Oop, it's not KitKat that's making the first swing, it's old rakugo guy!

But it's not like Iwashi was always a fame-obsessed little bitch. KitKat remembers when he came by 5 years ago, asking for a special treat for his old master.

Y'know it's not like French food is all cheese and butter, but hey, what do I know...

KitKat splits the difference and makes Japanese food in French style, which makes the guy happy.

KitKat is left befuddled! Why is Iwashi, the kind young man who wanted to do something nice for his master, acting like such an asshole? Wait, first he has to talk shit about some other customers that Iwashi is treating like A-listers.

And there's the kicker: Iwashi is defrosting pre-made burgers for customers and only hand-making the food for famous clientele.

So KitKat does some digging. Iwashi got famous, and you know that being famous makes you a... bad chef. Or something.

KitKat's willing to train him to be better, on the master's request. Meanwhile Iwashi's food starts going uneaten at the restaurant; the crew he hired isn't cooking the food the whole way through. Probably because he's out of the shop advertising and schmoozing with other TV celebs.

Aaaand he's about to get himself canceled.

So his crew walks out on him. KitKat comes in and for once doesn't yell at the guy. Just tells him he has to, like, try to make his food taste good and people will eat it. He's gotta remember how to treat people right.

So now it's time for the TRAINING!

... specifically...

You know, if they were bots, I'd be into that kinda job, but it's not lookin' great for Iwashi. It's no wonder he gets a callback from a job offer and tries to bail the first day. Who wouldn't wanna be the host on a travel show instead of a burger chef, right?

The sumos are unhappy.

Monkey D. Luffy-ass lookin' legs. But they tell him not to give up! He's never gonna finish anything if he keeps jumping around- from rakugo to TV star to chef to TV star again- actually no he turns that job down and gets back to massagin'. After ten days, they treat him to dinner.

(Turns out, Iwashi also means "sardine".)

NOW, the training is over! Now that Iwashi the guy has gotten good at handling handfuls of big, hot, raw, hard MEAT-

Okay for reals though he's gotta make him some burgers.

Well, "burgers." Like Japan CALLS it "hamburg steak", but look at the ingredients.

It's meatloaf. This ENTIRE ARC has been about Iwashi turning down a job in broadcast TV going on world tours and eating food to run a meatloaf shop. And all his training was to get him used to handling big amounts of meat.

Which he couldn't have done, obviously, by lifting weights or, like, making lots of bread or anything. NO, it had to be big naked sumo wrestlers who happen to belong to a stable the KitKat is buddies with. Absolutely nothing ulterior going on there.

(Man, I used to do that for my botfriends all the time because it was FUN, not because it'd make me good at meatloaf-) anyway....

And KitKat, remember, is STILL charging people for this. In fact, Iwashi the guy tells him point-blank that he can't keep the shop open because he paid KitKat the last of his cash.

Seemingly out of guilt, KitKat goes and buys him more groceries.

MOUNTAINS OF FISH. FISH MEATLOAF BURGERS.

This is a weird fuckin' manga.

So they make a fish burger! And Iwashi the guy is like "dude there's no way this's gonna sell" and KitKat's like "no trust me dude it's gonna sell" and KitKat hands out some flyers that are like "FISH BURGERS. THEY HEALTHY. COME EAT" and it fuckin' WORKS.

And not only does it work, his old rakugo coworkers, even the ones he treated like shit, come to help out! And the opening is a a big success. KitKat wishes him well and tells him to start prepping the sardines for tomo-

Iwashi: ... okay but THIS one's not my fault. KitKat: It really isn't.

So they ride out to the truck to go pick up all the fish and guess what?!

The guys didn't even put on SHOES and they're out there pickin' up the fish!

I RAN OUT OF PICTURES!!!

So wrappin' up real quick, everybody works together to open the place. Iwashi the guy becomes a good chef and his master is proud of him, the end.

Arc length: 9 issues. No wonder I ran out of pictures!

[jawsofbalmung]

As forewarned promised, my extremely biased culprit/killer ratings based on nothing but physical attractiveness. Disclaimer: I am gay. Also my idea of who is considered a "true culprit" may be a bit weird so bear with me. Spoilers for all ten games!

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney:

1. Frank Sahwit: 0/10. You are nothing. His case lasts 5 minutes and he is ugly. I am not any more endeared seeing him in aai2.

2. Redd White: 2/10. Only gets a 2 because a friend told me about him a long time ago and I thought he was more of a major character and that he would become a blorbo. I was wrong, but I feel kinda bad for being wrong.

3. Dee Vasquez: 4/10. Woman, but pretty cool. Has the mafia on her side, so that's a plus.

4. Yogi Yanni: -10/10. Gross old man.

5. Manfred von Karma: -50000/10. Fuck you die.

6. Jake Marshall: 5/10. Cowboy if you're into that, but I'm personally not that much.

7. Damon Gant: -1/10. Not as bad of an old man as you could've been.

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney 2: Justice for All:

1. Richard Wellington: 6.5/10. Pretty boy. Cool ringtone. Could be hotter.

2. Mimi Miney: 4/10. Woman. Not very memorable, but cute anyway.

3. Morgan Fey: 1/10. Old woman.

4. Acro: 6.5/10. Would like him better with his hair down, but he's literally the only aa character in a wheelchair and I like him.

5. Matt Engarde: 8/10. FINALLY a hot villain. Very, very cute before he goes evil, but gets worse when he drops his facade I think tbh.

6. Shelley DeKiller: 2/10. Again could be a worse old man, and I saw cool fanart of him once.

Phoenix Wright Ace Attorney 3: Trials and Tribulations

1. Dahlia Hawthorne: 6/10. Woman, but I love her. If you're into high femmes, that's the one for you.

2. Luke Atmey: 2/10. Looks like Spamton Deltarune.

3. Ron Delite: 7/10. Adorable twink.

4. Fiero Tigre: 4/10. Smh the original is always better than the bootleg.

5. Viola Cadaverini: 4/10. Woman. Really skinny. Not much to say.

6. Godot: 9/10. You KNOW my mans is getting a high score <3

Apollo Justice Ace Attorney:

1. Kristoph Gavin: 9273897/10 AAAAAAA

2. Alita Tiala: 4/10. Another high femme woman.

3. Daryan Crescend: 4/10. Could be hotter if his hair wasn't Like That.

4. Valant Gramarye: 3/10. Could be a hotter old man.

Ace Attorney Investigations: Miles Edgeworth:

1. Jacques Portsman: 3/10. Major Eh vibes from this guy.

2. Cammy Meele: 4/10. Another kinda cute but not that memorable woman.

3. Lance Amano: 5/10. Femme. Not much else to say. I like his hair.

4. Ernest Amano: 0/10. Yeah. Old man.

5. Callisto Yew: 5/10. Another high femme woman, I think her sprites are cute tho.

6. Quercus Alba: -10/10. Gross old man.

Ace Attorney Investigations 2: Prosecutor's Path:

1. Horace Knightley: -100/10. Nasty.

2. Patricia Roland: 3.5/10. Woman. Her fox is the best part of her.

3. Dane Gustavia: 5.5/10. Really cool design but not my type. His song is sick tho.

4. Blaise Debeste: -10000/10. Nasty gross man with a terrible beard. Nasty.

5. Simon Keyes: 8.5/10. LOVE him. I am not immune to a sexy clown. Sorta awkward but cute before, but letting his hair down really did it for me.

Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies:

1. Ted Tonate: -1/10. Gross.

2. Florent L'Belle: 2/10. Ehhh.

3. Aristotle Means: -50/10. He scares me.

4. Bobby Fullbright: 3/10. I want him to be hot so bad. I call him Midbright.

5. Aura Blackquill: 6/10. I like her!! Her hair is stupid tho.

6. Marlon Rimes: 2.5/10. Extremely grossly skinny pre-transformation, weirdly buff post-transformation.

The Great Ace Attorney: Adventures:

1. Jezaille Brett/Asa Shinn: 4/10. I love her swan hat.

2. Magnus McGuilded: -500/10. He makes me SO uncomfortable to look at.

3. Ashley Greydon: 8/10. I like him. Weirdo twink. <3

Ace Attorney: Spirit of Justice:

1. Pees'lubn Andistan'dhin: 2/10. He looks like my stepdad. No thanks.

2. Roger Retinz: 3/10. Robert Downey Jr. That's all I have to say.

3. Tahrust Inmee: 2/10. Sorry not into the skinny bald thing going on. He's a good man tho.

4. Beh'leeb Inmee: 4/10. Plain, but not bad woman.

5. Geiru Toneido: 5/10. The big one. Personally I do not have a bad case of clussy fever, but her design is cute! She reminds me of Pinkie Pie.

6. Ga'ran Sigatar Khura'in: 3/10. Her evil design unnerves me. She's overall just pretty mid of a villain.

7. Pierce Nichody: 9.5/10. Bro.... When he brings out the mask and the scalpel I can't handle it.... I was hoping he would be a villain from the beginning because I knew it would be hot if he was....

The Great Ace Attorney 2: Resolve:

1. Raiten Menimemo: 7/10. Kind of a twunk. Reblog.

2. William Shamspeare: 2/10. I appreciate the commitment but not for me thanks.

3. Olive Green: 4/10. Woman, but she's cute!

4. Enoch Drebber: 8/10. Auughh.

5. Courtney Sithe: 8/10. Hottest woman. Almost converted me.

6. Seishiro Jigoku: 5.5/10. Could be hotter if he didn't look like hipster Rasputin.

7. Mael Stronghart: 9/10. How did this happen to me. I did not like him before but now I do. What happened.