#not a muse here: natsuki (ddlc)

[hcdgepcdge]

Okay no more doom and gloom! Like for a lyric starter later?

[heartbeatbookclub]

There's a lot of ambiguity present in DDLC, and although + does elaborate on a lot of it, it presents some new ambiguity, too. I've already discussed the Protagonist and his entire existence, but I think something people don't even really think about is Natsuki's home life.

In case that doesn't make it obvious, CW: this mini-essay is going to talk a lot about abuse. Take care of yourselves.

Within the original Doki Doki Literature Club, there's an inherent uncertainty in the actual degree to which Monika is personally manipulating the other girls. It's somewhat unclear whether or not Monika is directly manufacturing unappealing traits to give to everyone else, or if she's just exaggerating problems that were already there to the point of catastrophe. In other words, it's unclear as to exactly how much of the game from its outset was something which would happen naturally, or an element of Monika's manipulation.

I think that Plus simultaneously plays into this ambiguity and clarifies a lot of it. There are definitely gray areas left, but the Side Stories in particular answer a lot of questions.

I think what the Side Stories are intent on doing is showcasing all of the girls as characters independent of any potential 4th wall/Monika meddling, and it answers a lot of questions regarding the true depth of each of the girls independent of that manipulation. This includes Monika, actually, and I think what it displays is that Monika's manipulation is far reaching, but she worked with material which was already there.

I've already discussed how the Protagonist is implied to exist within the Side Stories, but vitally, the Side Stories indicate the raw personality (and problems, motivations, etc) of every one of the girls. This includes Monika, and I think makes for a very interesting character study for how Monika became who she is in the main game. That's something I played with a good bit in Coil, if you haven't read it. Monika isn't aware she's being watched and in fact isn't aware of any of the nature of her reality, and thusly puts significantly more of who she actually is as a flawed person on display.

I'm digressing, but only a little bit. Something else this clarifies is the question I asked earlier regarding whether or not Monika was explicitly adding negative traits to the other girls, though it isn't an exact answer: Sayori does have a lot of the same mental health issues displayed in the main game, though clearly not to the same degree. Yuri clearly demonstrates a more obsessive personality, but it's in more of an autistic hyperfixation "I am incredibly passionate about my interests and will talk about them for hours if you don't shut me up" kind of way. I think there's definitely still some factors which are up in the air about Yuri (knives...that's all I'll say), but I think it's clear to see the basis of what was done to her here.

And Natsuki is, well...still pretty ambiguous.

I should be clear; Natsuki's raw personality is still very readily apparent here, and it does do a great deal of exploration of her character, showcasing the real depth of who she is and why she acts the way she does, but there is one critical question which isn't explicitly referred to.

The obvious thing you're thinking of, probably because I mentioned it at the start. Any reference to Natsuki's home life is absent, and it was all I could think about throughout the entirety of her story.

What it's instead "replaced" by in this instance is bullying from a toxic group of mean girls esque "friends". I put replaced in quotes because they are clearly what the emphasis is placed on in lieu of an explicitly bad home life, but I'm not sure I'd call them a one to one replacement. (I put friends in quotes, because...well.)

To be more specific, I'm not sure they're a replacement at all. I think what they are is more a suggestion of deeper issues Natsuki has.

I think Natsuki's behavior and overall attitude when talking about her other friends is very telling with regards to how she views relationships in general. Her immediate knee-jerk reaction whenever anyone says anything negative about them is to, in the first place, minimize anything they did or said as "just playing around", or "making fun of something stupid". Her next response is to immediately place the blame on herself for being so sensitive.

The way she immediately seeks to dismiss and push off any attempts to address any issues with how her friends treat her is heart-wrenching, and constantly blaming herself for responding poorly is doubly so. I think it's also behavior we'd commonly expect of people undergoing abuse, and I'll be frank in saying that I think that her relationship with these people isn't just toxic, it's outright emotionally abusive.

But being in one destructive relationship doesn't necessarily mean she's in another, does it? What is it about this entire situation in particular that leads me to believe there's something deeper here?

It's maybe a little bit of a stretch, but follow me here.

I think Natsuki demonstrates that she is attached to these people, despite their actions toward her. Her immediate defense of their actions, the particular way she chooses to defend them, and her intense fear to even the prospect of cutting them off tell me she doesn't want to let them go. Even further, I'd say her immediate response being to defend them when others attack them is multifaceted, and I think that one of those facets is that someone pointing out how her friends shouldn't treat her that way is probably giving voice to a feeling Natsuki herself has. I think one of the reasons she's so quick to defend them is in order to suppress her own urge to say something.

But why is she so hesitant to say something in the first place?

She doesn't want them to leave her.

This is something which, on the surface, might sound a little strange, but I think more than anything else, greater than any fear of the abuse she might endure at the hands of these heartless weirdos, is a crippling fear of being alone.

There are various things I think underline this trait, big and small (I mean, she outright brings it up when she talks about cutting them off), but I think her entire attitude regarding her friends is representative of someone who desperately wants attention from someone, anyone, whether positive or not. The reason she places all of the blame on herself and defends all of their actions is because she thinks if she brings it up at all, they won't want to hang out with her anymore. She's the problem, because she can't bring herself to put up with it, but she doesn't want them to leave her.

And I think that this, in conjunction with a lot of other elements to her personality, indicate that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very kind home life, either.

I think the biggest thing that illustrates this to me is her sheer willingness to treat the entire situation as normal. To everybody else looking at Natsuki's situation from the outside, particularly as she describes and defends a variety of their actions, it's blatantly obvious what's happening, and Natsuki finds herself confused not only over how other people respond, but how she herself feels.

The amount of time she spends excusing the emotional torment they put her through, and her constant insistence that this is normal, and that she's perfectly fine, she just needs to grow a thicker skin, demonstrate to me that Natsuki doesn't really have a good concept of what "normal" is. I don't think this is all just a conscious denial of reality; I think she genuinely has trouble understanding what's wrong with the situation, beyond that they're acting mean towards her.

"It's just the way things are!"

"I'm the only one who ever has a problem with it."

I think her ready ability to normalize this kind of abuse speaks volumes to how she views relationships in general. I think this is indicative that she doesn't have many good models for what a "normal", healthy relationship would be.

I think that a lot of Natsuki's broader personality, particularly in how she responds to the situation with her friends, and Monika and Sayori's attempts to connect with her, is a pretty fair indication that she doesn't really have a good space outside of her interactions with people at school.

I'm, rather ironically, finding it increasingly difficult to really express everything which showcases it to me in a way which all fits together nicely, but I think if nothing else, that's the point I really want to drive home. It really seems to me based on the way that Natsuki acts that at the very least, she doesn't have a good, safe space at home.

If she did, she would have a much better point of reference for all of this, and I don't think she would be so quick to trap herself in this situation. I think that a big reason she turns to the Literature Club and is so insistent on trying to be friends with everybody in it, despite herself, despite all of the problems and conflicts they have, is because she's desperately searching for a safe place where she can just be herself.

I think she constantly feels like she needs to be on the defensive--in my opinion, a big part of why she finds it so hard to just be nice, outside of something simple like baking for other people, is because her only experience is other people being mean to her, and needing to make a biting comment back. I think that's also why it's so difficult for her to accept others being kind to her: She is so used to just shutting out other people and ignoring them because they're mean to her, that when someone is nice to her, despite her desire to accept it and return it in kind, she instinctively snaps at it, because if she lets anyone in, if she shows any sign of vulnerability, someone will hurt her. Maybe she'll have to admit that the other things people said hurt her, too.

It's like a feral kitten instinctively clawing and biting at the hand of someone just trying to pet it. It's so unusual to them that someone could touch them for any reason other than to hurt them that they feel the need to strike first, until they eventually realize there's nothing to be afraid of.

I think that all of this, in conjunction with how everything else in the Side Stories is presented in reference to the original game, suggest that Natsuki likely doesn't have a very good situation at home.

I think it's vitally important to acknowledge that most people's perception of Natsuki's home life, if it's at all fleshed out, is based on fanon, not canon, similarly to how this whole analysis is really just fan theorizing, and not necessarily 100% accurate. While there are certainly some things explicitly said in the main game, we don't know all of the particulars which go into her home life, and I think this is another example of intentional gaps left by canon that I talked about in my blurb on the Protagonist.

In this case, from what we're able to glean about Natsuki's home, her father is the main parental figure in her life (At the very least, there is no mention of her mother {to my knowledge, it's been a while since I played it}), and from Act 1, he's implied to be extremely strict. Details here are actually one of the reasons I assume this to be correct, because explicitly, Natsuki keeps her manga collection in the clubroom because she doesn't want her dad to find it. In Act 2, this is pushed even further, which is where we get a certain famous line about him physically abusing her, but of course, it's more likely that this is Monika's doing.

I think it's virtually impossible to get an actual understanding of Natsuki's home situation in the Side Stories, because...well, they don't bring it up, but I think it's safe to say that there is reason to believe it's not good. I think it isn't as bad as it is in Act 2, but judging by how things play out in Natsuki's story across the Side Stories...well, let's just say I'm glad she has the Literature Club.

I think excluding any mention of this is probably intentional too, and not because it's an intentional gap being left. I think it would be incredibly out of character based on what we've seen of Natsuki here for her to bring it up at all, both because of her warped sense of normal, and because she wouldn't want everybody around her worrying about it.

This is a subject for fanfiction, I think. Is that foreshadowing? Who knows.

[imperishable-prayers]

“…Oh, she actually said that manga is literature.”

“Alright, well, we don’t need you on standby then.”

“Aw, phooey!”

[littlebodyinkheart]

HERE IT ISSS MY STUPID DDLC X INKHEART AU!!

Unfortunately, the file got messed up when I pasted it here, so I couldn't add any fancy visual effects to it (trust me when I say it looked SO much better in the original file), so I guess we'll just have to take what we can get.

So enjoy :D (I hope)

Ladies and gents of the Inkheart (and DDLC) community, I, @hearts4capricorn , present to you:

DOKI DOKI!🖋

❤️‍🔥FIRE RAISERS CLUB!❤️‍🔥

Monika - Capricorn

Sayori - Dustfinger

Natsuki - Basta

Yuri - Mo

Greetings, Capricorn here!

Welcome to the Fire Raisers! It's always been a dream of mine to reach the top and do great things, as of starting this “club” if you will, will only make things easier for me. Now that you're also a Fire Raiser, you can help me make that dream come true in this fantasy novel.

Every day is full of chit-chat and activities with all of my loyal and unique club members:

Dustfinger, the youthful and optimistic “Fire Dancer” who values life the most;

Basta, the deceivingly hot-headed boy who packs an assertive punch; also my most loyal henchman;

Mortimer Folchart, the timid and mysterious one who finds comfort in the world of books;

...And, of course, Capricorn, the leader of the club. (That's me)

I'm expecting you to make friends with everyone and help the Fire Raisers become stronger than ever. But I can tell already that you're a sweetheart—will you promise to spend the most time with me?

Mo poems

Act 1, second day

Ghost under the light

My hair illuminates beneath the amber glow.

Glowing.

It must be this one.

The last remaining streetlight to have withstood the test of time.

The last yet to be replaced by the sickening blue-green of the future.

I bathe. Calm; breathing air of the present but living in the past.

The light flickers.

I flicker back.

Act 1, third day

On First Looking into Chapman’s Homer

Much have I travell’d in the realms of gold,

And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;

Round many western islands have I been

Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.

Oft of one wide expanse had I been told

That deep-browed Homer ruled as his demesne;

Yet did I never breathe its pure serene

Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:

Then felt I like some watcher of the skies

When a new planet swims into his ken;

Or like stout Cortez when with eagle eyes

He star’d at the Pacific — and all his men

Look’d at each other with a wild surmise —

Silent, upon a peak in Darien.

Act 1, fourth day

The Tenth Muse Lately Sprung up in America

Thou ill-formed offspring of my feeble brain,

Who after birth didst by my side remain,

Till snatched from thence by friends, less wise than true,

Who thee abroad, exposed to public view,

Made thee in rags, halting to th’ press to trudge,

Where errors were not lessened (all may judge).

At thy return my blushing was not small,

My rambling brat (in print) should mother call,

I cast thee by as one unfit for light,

The visage was so irksome in my sight;

Yet being mine own, at length affection would

Thy blemishes amend, if so I could.

I washed thy face, but more defects I saw,

And rubbing off a spot still made a flaw.

Act 2

Tyrant

My first thought was, he lied in every word,

That hoary cripple, with malicious EYE

Askance to watch the working of his lie

On mine, and mouth scarce able to afford

Suppression of the glee, that purs’d and scor’d

Its edge, at one more victim gain’d thereby …

The Bell

And then I heard them lift a Box

And creak across my Soul

With those same Boots of Lead, again,

Then Space – began to toll,

AS ALL THE HEAVENS WERE A BELL,

And Being, but an EAR,

And I, and Silence, some strange Race,

WreTCHEDed, solitary, HERE

C ICORN S L ST ENING

Dustfinger poems

Act 1, second day

Dear fire

The way you glow and crackle in the night,

It makes me feel like you missed me too.

Kissing my forehead to help me out of bed.

Making me rub the sleep from my eyes.

Are you asking me to come out and play?

Are you trusting me to wish away a rainy day?

I look above. The sky is of deep blue.

It's a secret, but I trust you too.

If it wasn't for you, I could sleep forever.

But I'm not mad.

I want to play with you.

Act 1, third day

And I to fire

My Love is like to ice, and I to fire:

How comes it then that this her cold so great

Is not dissolved through my so hot desire,

But harder grows the more I her entreat?

Or how comes it that my exceeding heat

Is not allayed by her heart-frozen cold,

But that I burn much more in boiling sweat,

And feel my flames augmented manifold?

Dustfinger's poetry pamphlet poem

%

Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of my head. Get out of

Get.

Out.

Of.

My.

Head.

Ashes denote that fire was;

Respect the grayest pile

For the departed creature’s sake

That hovered there awhile.

But a fire never actually dies.

It just stops moving.

Basta poems

Act 1, second day

Knives

Knives are sharp.

Knives are dangerous.

Knives are fun.

Knives can kill.

Knives can make you feel alive.

Knives go away.

Act 1, third day

Sharp

each night

when I go to bed

I lay on my side

because there are

knives in my back

and knives in my head

lying on my back

or lying on my chest

would only push the

knives in further

But then comes a hand

To guide me through the dark

And when I reach to grab it

The knives retract with a spark

Act 1, fourth day

Because you

Tomorrow will be brighter with me around

But when today is dim, I can only look down.

My looking is a little more forward

Because you look at me.

When I want to say something, I say it with a shout!

But my truest feelings can never come out.

My words are a little less empty

Because you listen to me.

When something is above me, I reach for the stars.

But when I feel small, I don't get very far.

My standing is a little bit taller

Because you sit with me.

I believe in myself with all of my heart.

But what do I do when it's torn all apart?

My faith is a little bit stronger

Because you trusted me.

My pen always puts my feelings to the test.

I'm not a good writer, but my best is my best.

My poems are a little bit dearer

Because you think of me.

Because you, because you, because you.

Act 2

Too many

"There’s too many”,

And they looked at me.

Did someone stab me?

It felt like it.

And then they said my name.

Did someone twist the knife?

It hurts.

Basta's request

I don't know how else to bring this up. But there's been something I've been worried about. Dustfinger has been acting kind of strange lately. You've only been here a few days, so you may not know what I mean. But he's not normally like this. He's always been sarcastic and lively and annoyingly energetic ...things like that.

Okay... This is really embarrassing, but I'm forcing myself to suck it up. The truth is, I'm REALLY worried about him. But I would rather DIE than try talking to him about it. He's my WORST ENEMY. I don't know what to do. I think you're the only person that he'll listen to. I don't know why. But please try to do something. Maybe you can convince him to talk to someone.

I've always wanted to try getting closer to “Dirty-Finger” and it actually really hurts me to see this happening. I know I'm going to hate myself later for admitting that, but right now I don't care. I just feel so helpless. So please see if you can do something to help. I don't want anything bad to happen to him. I'll even give you my knife for a day if I have to. Just please try to do something.

As for Capricorn... I don't know why, but he's been making me feel weird recently. Something in his eyes makes me freeze in fear when he glances at me, and I feel like I'm missing something important that I can't remember. So I'm trying my best to avoid getting him mad right now, and that's why I'm coming to you about this. DON'T LET HIM KNOW I WROTE THIS!!!! Just pretend like I gave you a really good poem, okay? I'm counting on you. Thanks for reading.

“I changed my mind.”

“Ignore everything you just read”

“There's no point in trying to do anything”

“It's Dustfinger's own fault that he's so unlikable”

“Can you hear me, reader?”

“If you would just spend more time with Capricorn, all these problems would go away.”

“Silvertongue and I are too messed up for someone as wonderful as you.”

“Just think of Capricorn from now on.”

“Just Capricorn.”

Just Capricorn.

Just Capricorn.

Just Capricorn.

*game restart*

Cornelia Funke

(Team Salvato)

Just Capricorn.

Capricorn poems

Act 1, second day

The Lady Who Knows Everything

An old tale tells of a lady who wanders Earth.

The Lady who Knows Everything.

A beautiful lady who has found every answer,

All meaning,

All purpose,

And all that was ever sought.

And here I am,

a feather

Lost adrift the sky, victim of the currents of the wind.

Day after day, I search.

I search with little hope, knowing legends don't exist.

But when all else has failed me,

When all others have turned away,

The legend is all that remains -

the last dim star glimmering in the twilight sky.

Until one day, the wind ceases to blow.

I fall.

And I fall and fall, and fall even more.

Gentle as a feather.

A dry quill, expressionless.

But a hand catches me, between the thumb and forefinger.

The hand of a beautiful lady.

I look at her eyes and find no end to her gaze.

The Lady who Knows Everything knows what I am thinking.

Before I can speak, she responds in a hollow voice.

"I have found every answer, all of which amount to nothing.

There is no meaning.

There is no purpose.

And we seek only the impossible.

I am not your legend.

Your legend does not exist."

And with a breath, she blows me back afloat, and I pick up a gust of wind.

Act 1, third day

Hole in Wall

It couldn't have been me.

See, the direction the spackle protrudes.

A noisy neighbor? An angry boyfriend? I'll never know. I wasn't home.

I peer inside for a clue.

No! I can't see. I reel, blind, like a film left out in the sun.

But it's too late. My retinas.

Already scorched with a permanent copy of the meaningless image.

It's just a little hole. It wasn't too bright.

It was too deep.

Stretching forever into everything.

A hole of infinite choices.

I realize now, that I wasn't looking in.

I was looking out.

And she, on the other side, was looking in.

Act 1, fourth day

Hole in wall 2

But she wasn't looking at me.

Confused, I frantically glance at my surroundings.

But my burned eyes can no longer see color.

Are there others in this room? Are they talking?

Or are they simply words on flat sheets of paper,

The sound of frantic scrawling playing tricks on my ears?

The room begins to crinkle.

Closing in on me.

The air I breathe dissipates before it reaches my lungs.

I panic. There must be a way out.

It's right there. She's right there.

Swallowing my fears, I brandish my pen.

Act 2

Wheel.

A rotating wheel. Turning an axle. Grinding. Bolthead. Linear gearbox. Falling sky. Seven holy stakes. A docked ship. A portal to another world. A thin rope tied to a thick rope. A torn harness. Parabolic gearbox. Expanding universe. Time controlled by slipping cogwheels. Existence of God. Swimming with open water in all directions. Drowning. A prayer written in blood. A prayer written in time-devouring snakes with human eyes. A thread connecting all living human eyes. A kaleidoscope of holy stakes. Exponential gearbox. A sky of exploding stars. God disproving the existence of God. A wheel rotating in six dimensions. Forty gears and a ticking clock. A clock that ticks one second for every rotation of the planet. A clock that ticks forty times every time it ticks every second time. A bolthead of holy stakes tied to the existence of a docked ship to another world. A kaleidoscope of blood written in clocks. A time-devouring prayer connecting a sky of forty gears and open human eyes in all directions. Breathing gearbox. Breathing bolthead. Breathing ship. Breathing portal. Breathing snakes. Breathing God. Breathing blood. Breathing holy stakes. Breathing human eyes. Breathing time. Breathing prayer. Breathing sky. Breathing wheel.

Open Your Third Eye

I can feel the tenderness of her skin through the knife, as if it were an extension of my sense of touch. My body nearly convulses. There's something incredibly faint, deep down, that screams to resist this uncontrollable pleasure. But I can already tell that I'm being pushed over the edge. I can't... I can't stop myself.

And suddenly all I see is red. Red blood. Red church. Red cathedral. Red satin. Red God. Red sky.

And the eye opens.

Act 3

Happy End.

Pen in hand, I find my strength.

The courage endowed upon me by my one and only love.

Together, let us dismantle this crumbling world

And write a novel of our own fantasies.

With a flick of his pen, the lost finds his way.

In a world of infinite choices, behold this special day.

After all,

Not all good times must come to an end.

Mo words

1. Pages

2. Book

3. Journal

4. Fantasy

5. Imagination

6. Words

7. Journey

8. Judgement

9. Landscape

10. Philosophy

11. Portrait

12. Intellectual

13. Analysis

14. Atone

15. Question

16. Time

17. Variance

18. Story

19. Novel

20. Tenacious

Dustfinger words

1. Fire

2. Adventure

3. Daydream

4. Match

5. Dancer

6. Summon

7. Fairy

8. Marten

9. Fireworks

10. Family

11. Home

12. Coward

13. Forgive

14. Friendship

15. Nature

16. Garden

17. Return

18. Scars

19. Unrequited

20. Secret

Basta words

1. Knife

2. Sharp

3. Edge

4. Neglect

5. Trust

6. Loyalty

7. Betrayal

8. Curse

9. Hex

10. Spell

11. Luck

12. Superstitious

13. Clairvoyant

14. Cat

15. Mint

16. Jacket

17. Anxiety

18. Tough

19. Blade

20. Dagger

+ Bonus!

Capricorn words

1. Shadow

2. Red

3. Cathedral

4. Master

5. Heart

6. Tyrant

7. Murder

8. Ashes

9. Memory

10. Crimson

11. Lust

12. Cage

13. Climax

14. Massacre

15. Wrath

16. Hate

17. Childhood

18. Father

19. King

20. Ink

Your Reality.

Every day, I imagine a future where I can be with you

In my hand is a pen that will write a poem of me and you

The ink flows down into a dark puddle

Just move your hand, write the way into his heart

But in this world of infinite choices

What will it take just to find that special day?

What will it take just to find that special day?

Have I found everybody a fun assignment to do today?

When you're here, everything that we do is fun for them anyway

When I can't even read my own feelings

What good are words when a smile says it all?

And if this world won't write me an ending

What will it take just for me to have it all?

Does my pen only write bitter words for those who are dear to me?

Is it love if I take you, or is it love if I set you free?

The ink flows down into a dark puddle

How can I write love into reality?

If I can't hear the sound of your heartbeat

What do you call love in your reality?

And in your reality, if I don't know how to love you

I'll leave you be.

CREDITS✒️

Doki Doki Literature Club! - Dan Salvato

Monika, Natsuki, Yuri, Sayori - Dan Salvato

Your Reality - Dan Salvato, Jillian Ashcraft

Poems “Ghost Under The Light”, “Because you”, “Wheel”, “Open Your Third Eye”, “Happy End”, “Dear Sunshine/Fire”, “Hole in wall”, “Hole in wall 2”, “The Lady who Knows Everything” - Doki Doki Literature Club!

Inkheart - Cornelia Funke

Capricorn, Mortimer Folchart, Basta, Dustfinger - Cornelia Funke

POEM CREDITS✒️

“Childe Roland to the Dark Tower Came”

(Tyrant) - Robert Browning

“I Felt a Funeral, in My Brain”

(The Bell) - Emily Dickinson

“The Tenth Muse Lately sprung up in America” - Anne Bradstreet

“On First Looking into Chapman's Homer” - John Keats

“My love is like to ice, And I to Fire”

(And I to Fire) - Edmund Spenser

“Ashes denote that fire was”

(Dustfinger's poetry pamphlet poem)

- Emily Dickinson

“Knives” - user “Izzy” on hellopoetry.com

“Sharp” (short fragment from “knives”) - user “Rick Adams” on hellopoetry.com

@peppermintfreak @tintenherzundseele @a-pun-and-ten-dead

[yeeters-muse-archive]

Natsuki

Weight: 938lbs (425.5kgs) (because of bio)

Bio: While Monika’s boyfriend, the robotics engineer, was working on the body for Monika, he needed help finding a way to transfer her programming into a suitable AI for her to operate the Robot. This leads the robotics engineer to contact a friend of his who was known for their programming skills. They agreed to do it as long they get Natsuki as a slice of this DDLC pie. Seeing no problem, the engineer agrees. Natsuki now had a robotic body to inhabit it as an AI. Seeing that she is free from her father and allowed to eat like Monika (I guess the engineer forgot to take those out of the schematics?), she eats to her heart’s content. This led to her petite body being hit by puberty like a freight train. She now stands at a height that rivals even Yuri and is happy with her fat life as it was something she didn’t care about. But due to financial difficulties of accommodating Natsuki’s ever-growing appetite, both she and her boyfriend agreed to go their separate ways, all on good terms.

Image by Better With Salt, most likely only found on Patreon atm

Link to the Patreon here

⚠️ Warning ⚠️ : This is for @nexus-of-heavies a muse blog that requires viewers to be of the US legal age for marriage or higher. If you wish to reblog this bio for one of my muses due to the artwork, please take this into account.

[literatxre-clxb]

(Long-time lurker here, and I adore your interactions with lilmonix-3! You bounced off each other so much, and I love the references to each other’s muses in other posts. I hope you don’t mind if I add onto that. I love the slowest of slow burns. I would love to see you two tackle Natsuki/Monika and Sayori/Monika as well!)

Thank you so much! It makes me happy that others enjoy my writing just as much as I do. Monika has been an absolute joy to write with, and her ideas for deviations from what's exactly 'canon' in DDLC have always interested me. I'd like to apologize for my slow pace in responding to asks or posting in general - it can be hard for me to find the motivation to sit and write sometimes, as much as I enjoy it. Life is busy, and it's hard to get motivated to create sometimes when you could be doing something less mentally taxing during free time, y'know? Regardless, this blog - and writing as a whole - will always be a high priority for me, and having asks to reply to and ideas to flesh out will always help me stay motivated. You're always welcome to add on and send asks, I love getting to explore my muses in new ways, or writing them in new scenarios! ^^ I think writing other pairings would be a lot of fun, as well! That depends largely on what she or others are comfortable with writing, though. If she'd enjoy writing it, then so would I! I think each clubmate has a unique sort of affection for one another, romantic or not, and their relationships to one another are part of why I grew so attached to the characters in the first place.

[lily-after-dark]

Muses:

Note: All muses are 18 or older. ALL. If they aren’t in their source material, they are here.

Lily (OC, a tiny subby catgirl with brown hair. That is it.)

Lily (Mun) (BTW, I am a trans girl)

Pokemun Lily (A trans girl Skitty)

Misaki (FemC, DDLC, female version of MC)

All the girls from DDLC. (Natsuki will be a trans girl, this is not up for debate)

Velvet Scarlatina (RWBY)

Linkle (Legend of Zelda)

Frisk (Undertale, Nonbinary)

Chara (Undertale, very subby though, Nonbinary)

Penny Polendina (RWBY)

June Egbert (Homestuck) (Trans girl)

Madoka Kaname (PMMM)

Pre Magical Girl Homura Akemi (PMMM)

Azazel the Curious Angel (Helltaker)

Mash (Fate Grand Order, AU where she becomes a master)

Toru Hagakure (My Hero Academia)

Chihiro Fujisaki (Danganronpa, will be a trans girl)

Chiaki Nanami (Danganronpa)

Joan Arc (RWBY, Fem!Jaune)

Shantae (Shantae, duh)

Summer (A background character from Hazbin Hotel)

Kiki (Hazbin Hotel, part of Verosika’s posse)

Bowsette (Mario, extremely subby)

Booette (Mario, very subby ghost girl)

Lyra (Pokemon Silver Gold and Crystal)

Haruka (Fake magical girl OC)

Femboys:

Makoto Naegi (Danganronpa)

Link (Legend of Zelda)

Pit (Kid Icarus)

Deku/Izuku (My Hero Academia)

Boyfriend (Friday Night Funkin)

Let me know if you think I could play anyone else!

[auredosa]

final meeting of the year

I’m not a DDLC blog, but I’ve been a fan of the game ever since its original release. In celebration of DDLC Plus’s release, here’s something I’ve been thinking about:

We all know that Monika destroys the world at the end of the game, right? Well, we don’t really get to see it for ourselves. Does everything just go black, without word or warning of what’s happening, or does Monika at least try to give the rest of the Literature Club some closure before they’re erased from existence?

imagine Monika resetting the world one final time.  The protagonist is absent, and probably for the better. School is out for the day, and as the halls become quieter, the Literature Club convenes for what will be the last time. But they don’t know that yet. 

Monika seems warmer than usual. She hugs each girl when they come in through the door. A little informal for her character, but they each brush it off as a moment of small gratitude. Once they’ve all arrived, she kindly asks them to sit together at the front of the room. 

“I just wanted to tell each and every one of you that I’m so glad you chose to become a part of the Literature Club, and I love you all so, so much.”

The club president is almost in tears. Yuri is a bit confused, but she muses that she’s glad that she’s been able to find a place for herself and make new friends. Natsuki is three seconds away from telling Monika to stop being so sentimental so she can get back to reading her manga. And Sayori is just about to pull everyone into a group hug when sudd͝e͟n͝ĺy̸-

s͏h͏e̴ ̷ḑel͠etes e҉v̴e̕r͢y͟th̢ing͞  un̢t̷́͟il͝ ͢͢t̵̵h͞e҉ w̶ąl̢̕l̶̀s ̷̵͘a͏҉͘r͡͝o͢u͡͠nd̵͝ t͟h̷̡e̵m̧̕͜ ͟͢c̸͡o̸͘l̵̢ļ͡a̕͠p̶͝s̵͏̴e ̨i̸͝nţo ̸̡p̴ol̷ygo͝n̸͠s̡͜ ą̕n͜d̵ ҉͞h͏̧ex̢ą͘d̴ec̴i̷m̸͢a͝l̕͠ś a̷͘n͏́d̶̸̨͝ ̶̧̛͡t̴̢h́͜͟é͜ ̶̷̷̧͠ẁ̵̢͝͝o̸̧͡͠ŗ́͘l̨҉̢d̛ ̀͢͢͝t̷e͘͏r̕ḿ̸̵̢̢i̷̡n̶̴̶̡͟a̧̛t̴̡͘͠ȩ̶̀͟s̢̨͟ ̛��i̕͠ņ̴́͜͞ţ̷ò͘͡ ̧͏̨̀̕d͏̀͏҉i̵̷̶̧g̵̀͏҉ì̡̕͢͟t̴͝a̶͟͏̷l̶̢ ̵́͘͢͠a̵̢̕͠s̴̶̛͜͞h̸́́.̧̧̛͟͞

[pseudoneiiric]

@lawrising​​​​​​​​​​ sent:  read —  ( silently  read  a  book  alongside  my  muse ) // matthew & lilian for her ddlc verse? if that's okay ofc !  /  accepting!

matthew takes a seat next to lilian, and her shoulders instinctively tense. she’s a standoffish person at her core — or perhaps she isn’t. it’s difficult to pin down what lilian is, exactly. even she isn’t sure what she is besides hollow. hollow and unwanted. the thought of it almost brings a smile to her lips. her yellow-eyed gaze flits momentarily to her fellow club member. and then it returns to her book without a fuss. it seems she’s granted permission for him to read alongside her.

still, though, lilian feels it. the discomforting sense that he is targeting her in some way. the sense that he may be watching her, taking note of her. and for what reason? she’s hardly the most popular girl in the literature club. if he’s looking for company, he’s best seeking it from someone like monika or sayori. charismatic and charming, the two of them are easy to get on with. yuri is overly shy, which isn’t a problem on its own but proves to be a challenge in socializing with her, and natsuki is... well, natsuki is lilian’s favourite person in the club, with her blunt words and brightly-flushing cheeks, but she recognizes that natsuki’s barbs can be sharp.

and she... she’s no one, really. the class ghost. the girl no one wants to sit with. except for him, it seems. the words on the page swim before her eyes, and lilian consequently shuts them, exhaling softly. a handmade bookmark is poised between her fingers, and she noiselessly slides it into the book before closing it. from here, matthew can see the title of the book clear as day: good omens: the nice & accurate prophecies of agnes nutter, witch. she’s already read this one, but she’s always taken comfort in rereading. her gaze sweeps around the room, a stoic curiosity painted across her features. the niggling sense of anxiety is still there, but she supposes she’ll simply have to move if it continues to hinder her reading.

[assassincraft]

CALLOUT FOR BUNNIE, POM POM, AND ICHINYAH/MAVERICK/NONO

BUNNIE who is at the following urls @tampurined

http://lunarpcwer.tumblr.com/

https://elegantfeathers.tumblr.com/

http://tampurined.tumblr.com/ < their tokyo mew mew pudding one

https://fashicnkiller.tumblr.com/ < the junko one we’re talking ab

POM POM who is at this url @kittyhopp

https://kittyhopp.tumblr.com/

http://pickyourchampicn.tumblr.com/ (hub blog)

http://floofymuses.tumblr.com/ (multi muse)

http://disneybourne.tumblr.com/

http://hxenn.tumblr.com/

http://pokemonparade.tumblr.com/

http://rockiism.tumblr.com/

http://leaderiism.tumblr.com/

http://angeliicism.tumblr.com/

http://gingersmarts.tumblr.com/

http://smartyquacks.tumblr.com/

http://avalorr.tumblr.com/ 

and ICHINYAH/MAVERICK/NONO who is at these urls @felisfraise

http://felisfraise.tumblr.com/

http://affctueuse.tumblr.com/

and as we ALL remember you by, frcisier

REBLOG THIS, SPREAD IT AROUND.

i’ll reblog this and add on people as needed that side with these three in the fandom, because, i am NOT having this shit, there is ALWAYS a problem in the TMM fandom, and your boy, isn’t having it.

ILL START WITH BUNNIE

BUNNIE

we were starting to talk about kpop and face claims and what not, and you mentioned that you almost used sunny (snsd) as a FC for natsuki from DDLC. i instantly said that since natsuki is japanese, i wouldn’t go about doing that, and the conversation went downhill from there.

screencaps of the WHOLE conversation below, nothing is cut out.

**open the images in a new tab due to my theme**

get your act together and cut off bunnie, bc people now know your name, i don’t mean to start shit in a fandom that JUST came back, but if you’re in this chat, and saw shit, and DIDN’T step in even when it was over this morning. you better say something on the matter.

BUNNIE, i want you to take down the theme i made for you as of whenever you see this, because i do not consent to you using the background i made for you anymore if this is how you act.

i was TRYING to be fucking nice and gentle about this saying its lowkey, but as you can see during the posts, i stop trying to fucking be nice after this.

bunnie, you’re like 23, you’re older than me, you should know better, come on now.

not to mention i didn’t know what a gyaru was until my friend pointed it out to me in DM’s. you basically HC that she is a japanese girl, that is doing BLACKFACE and appropriate the FUCK out of black culture.

you proceeded to tell me that i was butthurt over the whole aladdin thing because they casted someone not of the series’ race in the show, but lol ok. you tried to use the fact that you were a performer you whole life to excuse that you’re numb to the whitewashing that happens. but i’ve been dancing just as long as you, and it’s because you’re white, as you stated YOURSELF that you even said that you know your opinion has barely any validity here.

then i went to message POM POM.

POM POM

if you’re siding with your friend just because they’re your friend, you’re apart of the fucking damn racist problem. you acknowledge its racism, and rationalize the use of korean idols for japanese characters.

and then you vagued and think no one would see it, but whatever, if you take no side on racism, you’re enabling a racist. go ahead and say im blowing this out of proportion honey, i honestly don’t care.

ICHINYAH/MAVERICK/NONO

how you thought NO ONE would fucking notice it was you, even though you vagued and gave yourself away. literally half of us could tell it was you instantly bc everything you do, wasn’t any different than it was before.

and for everything else, i’m just linking to your callout, transphobia, racism, sexualizing minors.

http://grandjustice.tumblr.com/post/162053342570/call-out-for-frcisier

[monikax3]

“Of course!” Yuri smiled at her. “Is Natsuki gonna be here today?” She blushed and turned away at that, either because she was embarrassed for some reason or something else. “If we finish setting up early, could you give me critique on my poem? I wrote it last minute and I wanna make sure it’s alright, ehehe!”~ Yuri

Yuri was asking about Natsuki? That was weird. She never cared that much about her before. Did this have to do with the way she looked at Natsuki the day before?

"Natsuki should be here today," Monika answered. "She didn't say anything about not coming.”

With the desks cleared off, Monika walked over to the closet.

“And of course! I’d love to take a look at it,” she said to Yuri from the closet doorway. “Though, are you sure you’re feeling okay? It’s not like you to write something last minute. You’re usually super prepared.”

Love: Your muse is now madly in love with Yuri for a day. (for the ddlc roleplay you’re currently doing)

Monika stopped reorganizing the closet suddenly. She set the book she had been holding back on the shelf and turned to Yuri.

“Um, actually, do you think I could take a look at your poem now? I’d love to see it before anyone else. I mean, I’d like to look over it before we share poems today, since you said it might be rushed.”

[nxthingtxwn]

//It just occurs to me that when I moved the DDLC muses over here from my now-defunct DDLC multimuse, I didn’t transfer over the information for their Danganronpa AU.

Sayori is the Ultimate Mediator (because she’s good at defusing fights and I couldn’t think of anything else), Natsuki is the Ultimate Baker (duh), Yuri is the Ultimate Poet (which I guess could apply to any of the girls, but her poems seemed the most elaborate so I gave it to her) and Monika is the Ultimate Pianist (because Your Reality).

I even came up with my own headcanons for who would voice them (or “voice claim” if you will). Obviously Monika already has a canon VA (Jillian Ashcraft), but for the others, I decided to go with VAs who also had roles in Danganronpa; Christine Marie Cabanos (Chiaki & Himiko), Julie Ann Taylor (Ibuki & Tenko), and Kira Buckland (Hiyoko & Kirumi) for Sayori, Natsuki and Yuri respectively.

That’s generally what I do for voice claim if a character doesn’t have a canon VA. I just pick someone who I think would fit.

[glitchcakes]

▼ : Are there popular head canons for your character that you disagree with? Why?♫ : Are there parts of your own personality that you reflect onto your character? How do they work?❤ : What are some role-plays that you have done/are doing that you particularly enjoy and wish to share with your followers?

▼: idk that I’ve really seen a lot of headcanons for DDLC yet honestly. Besides things I’ve come up with or that we’ve mentioned in the discord chats.

♫: I feel like you asked this here on purpose moo wtf dont’ call me out like this!!! Nah but like, I absolutely project onto Natsuki. I’ve admitted it a bunch, Natsuki’s my muse to let out mood drops and frustrations. I resonate with Natsuki a little. I’ve always felt lonely and wanted attention from others, desperately needed friends in my life, and I’ve had issues with my late father in the past. I see far too much of myself in Natsuki and while that’s probably not healthy, its what helps. I’ve been clawing my way out of a depressive episode for the past week or so now, and coming to this blog to do things is helped me tremendously, and no small part of that goes to all the great friends I’m making through this blog and DDLC community. Seriously, thanks, all of you.

❤: YURINATSU YURINATSU YURINATSU HAHAHAHA THIS THREAD IS WONDERFUL AND I’M GOING TO YELL As far as like, past threads though there have been a few. I’ve mentioned it before but like, when I ran heavysetdetective in the DR fandom, everything I did there was fantastic and I was more than grateful to be able to develop the muse and show that there’s more to that sort of thing than just gross fetish content. Her blog has been deleted since, sadly, and those threads will never be recovered, but that blog was probably some of the best times of my rp career so to speak. Also any time I get to write my soft Mukuro with @malchancevilain is a treat and a half.

[pseudoneiiric]

@lawrising​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​ sent:   011  :   is   there   anything   people   assume   about   your   muse ,   or   any   fanon   that   annoys   you   at   all  ? ( record thing ) // okay another ?? potential tough-ish question but !! this for your ddlc mc aka hiroto beloved   /  accepting!

answered here! transcript under the cut:

so this question is from alina dearly beloved and it is, is there anything people assume about your muse or any fanon that annoys you at all? um, for hiroto, aka the ddlc main character. um, and, like, yes, actually. um, [laughs] that's the short answer, we can just cap it here at 22 seconds. yes. so, um, hm.

i'm trying to think of what i want to talk about first. i think, like, i didn't really have any, um, opinion, i guess, on this until i started diving a little deeper into how people write the ddlc main character, um, and i realized that i don't really vibe with it a lot, um, because everyone seemed to have gotten something different from him than i did. um, when i played ddlc for the first time, um, i got the sense that hiroto is a little bit clueless, but a genuinely nice person, right? um, that he cared about people and that he wasn't like, i don't know, like, he — he tried his best, right? like, he had a lot of problems and he was still kind of, like, an insufferable man tm, um — which i don't even write him as anymore. i write him as nonbinary. that's besides the point. but like, he was a little bit, like, i don't know, he had the straightie's disease, which — he's not straight, he's bisexual. but that's besides the point. like, you know what i mean, he has “this club is full of incredibly cute girls” disease. right? um, he has gender envy disease.

um, but, um, the general take that i've seen, which is that hiroto’s supposed to be really annoying, um, and kind of cold and standoffish, like, i really didn't get that from him at all. um, and, um, like, cause i've seen protagonist characters, right? like, and — like, hiroto’s very much a protagonists character, right? like, he's literally the ddlc protagonist. um, i've seen nuances in protagonist characters, where they tend to be, like — they're usually in and around the same kind of idea, but some of them are more blunt, some of them are more nervous, some of them are more insecure, some of them are more, um, depressed, right? and, like, there's kind of, like, a cocktail of traits, um, that inform that sort of, um, average joe everyman who doesn't really stand out and doesn't really do much and kind of gets along with everyone, um, but also somehow doesn't have any real lasting friendships. like, you know, that's kind of the block of, like, here he is the brown haired dude with no face [laughs] who does nothing — i don't know, like, anyway, besides the point.

um, each protagonist has their own, like, spices and flairs of the traits, like, certain ingredients or proportions or whatever, that make them who they are. right? so i’ve had hiroto compared to hinata, before, um, quite rudely, but besides the point, [laughs] but like, i mean, you know, um, i think, in general, like, you know, on, like, the scale of, like, um, like, of bluntness, hinata’s a lot more blunt and sarcastic than hiroto is, but they're both quite caring about people. right? um, hiroto, in general, seems a lot more clueless than he does blunt. right? um, and another thing that's, you know, kind of difficult about hiroto is that in each route, um, the way that he interacts with the girls changes based on who he's going for, right? so with sayori, he's a lot more of a tsundere. um, with yuri, he's a lot more outwardly sweet and supportive, um, and not to mention, like, more sophisticated about his language, um. with natsuki, he's like, more playful and teasing. um, and, um, monika doesn't have a route, but when he's talking with monika, he's very, um, like, obviously, like, infatuated with her and feeling inferior to her. like, this girl is totally out of my league kind of thing.

and, um, you know, so he interacts with everyone quite differently, um, but i never, in any route, do i ever really see him as annoying. um, but, like, dan salvato said he was annoying, so like, i don't — [laughs] i don't know. um, so people assume that hiroto’s annoying, maybe, i don't know. but like, it's something that i've never understood. but, um, because of the same, like, kind of comment by dan salvato, where, um, it said that the ddlc main character is not really a character, um, he's just meant to be that annoying guy that's the protagonist of these dating sims. um, and i feel like everyone takes their own liberties with that, but i, um, generally don't like, um, when people choose to, um, interpret that by making, um, the main character very, um, like i said, standoffish, uh,  unsociable. um, or generally just not very likable, because i think that's the complete opposite of what he's supposed to be. because the whole point is that he's a dating sim protagonist. so the whole point is that he needs to be, at least on some level, appealing enough for someone to be, like, i feel like he fills some need in me. um, like, natsuki wanted someone to take her seriously and to be her friend. um, yuri wanted someone who, um, would understand her and want to read her works, um, you know, sayori wanted, um, you know, someone, well, not someone, but she wanted hiroto to continue supporting her and being her friend and being around her, like he always has, like — and like, you know, i don't know, like the fact that like — like, there are small canon details in ddlc that i don't really see other people think or talk about, like hiroto really likes cleaning.

um, and this is something, like, this is a detail that gives him a character, i don't know, maybe i'm just like, not smart, and i don't understand what people mean by characters. but to me, like, a person in a story, um, can't be like, not a character if they have details about them. right? like, you know, about what they like and what they dislike, or whatever, because then at that point, like, they've become something, right? like, in this one literature course i was doing last year, um, my prof was really insistent, um, that the main character wasn't a character. um, and that the main character was actually these random two people that like we heard about, and that main character’s just like a stand in for the — like, for the readers, i mean, just to stand in for the readers to explore the mystery of what actually happened to the main characters, which made absolutely no sense to me because i'm like, well, if this is a stand in for me, then why the hell was he drinking aperitifs with like every meal? like, i wouldn't do that. and this is a character detail about him. like, he's clearly dealing with some stuff that he comes to paris to like, write a novel, or he comes from paris to this small town or whatever, to write a thriller novel. um, but he's so, like, stressed out about the needs to have alcoholic beverages twice a day. like, i don't know, to me, that seems like a character. um, but maybe not. maybe i'm just not very cultured or smart.

um, but the idea is that, to me, hiroto can't not be a character because, like, for instance, there's stuff, like, he interacts with other characters in the environment. like, sayori, um, it's stated that, like, hiroto would go over to sayori’s place and then get annoyed by how messy her room was, and then clean it up for her. um, and that would be like part of how they hung out, right? um, so hiroto likes cleaning, he doesn't like dirty spaces. this is something about him. but i never really see people talk about that. um, i'm the only one talking about that, cause i'm the only one who thinks it's neat, i think. but anyway, yeah, i just, um, i don't know, uh, hiroto doesn't have a lot of stuff about him, or the ddlc main character, i guess, doesn't have a lot of stuff about him, because hiroto has a lot of stuff about him, because i made him have a lot of stuff. um, and i really like my portrayal. and that's not to say i dislike other people's portrayals. it's just sometimes, um, i get so attached to my own portrayal that i don't know how other people get to where they get. um, and like, i guess if someone explained it to me, i'd be like, oh, that's neat. um, but, i don't know, it just, um, it says, is there anything that annoys you at all, right, and this annoys me just a little bit, not like, i don't like the word annoy, or annoying? um, because it's not really — it's just a little bit, um, confusing to me. this isn't really, like, anything serious, and i don't get that mad about it. it's just, like, um, it just makes me sad. i guess. like, i'm not mad, i'm just disappointed. it just makes me a little sad thinking that, like, hiroto or the main character would end up being so unlikable when i found him to be such a genuine comfort to me, um, when i was playing through it.

um, but yeah, those are my thoughts. um, and thank you again for sending this in. and, um, this is probably going to be my last one for the day. so, um, you know, i'm gonna get to transcribing now and hopefully, i'll get these out soonish. um, and i look forward to, um, you know, being a soothing presence, a slightly unhinged presence, in the next voice note. um, so thank you again. um, as always, if you want to dm me or ask any more questions, you're absolutely free to; i love answering these things. so go ahead if you would like to.