#not 616 quicksilver at ALL so I’ve just never been into it all that much

[duncneydivorce]

don’t get me wrong pietro and namor fucked and if marvel weren’t cowards they’d canonise it already but I don’t understand why people want them to actually get together though. narratively its one of the worst things you could do to pietro. He already did the ‘struggling to assimilate’ thing for like 40 years. that’s what his storylines in America and Atilian were all about and it made for a really interesting character evolution for pietro and was a great way to explore the trauma of displacement but he’s long outgrown that by now. He shouldnt be isolated from everyone else in his life again. Shipping him off to Atlantis to go through the same exact thing all over again would regress his character by DECADES just to recycle a storyline he’s already done! Its bad writing that would ruin his character and just boring 😭

[leilawhittaker]

What’s Lei’s comic history? And how do the movie adaptations differ from her comic character?

Okay but I love this question this is like...one of my fave questions I’ve gotten about her thank u!!! Bear in mind my comics history knowledge is a little rusty but I think this tracks.

SILVER AGE

-X-MEN

Leila first appears in the early 60s as an early X-Men villain. The Trust operates sort of like it does in the movies, an organized crime syndicate run entirely by mutants. (I like to think that they took the fairy tale thing a little too far and like, every Trust member has a fairy tale name. This gets retconned later.) In the comics, Leila isn’t the leader of the Trust, just a member. This, too, gets retconned later. 

Leila and the Trust appear sporadically before Leila redeems herself and leaves. She might’ve joined the X-Men for an issue or two, before deciding it wasn’t a good fit and dipping. 

-CAP’S KOOKY QUARTET

Look, the name still fits if you consider Cap the leader and Leila/Clint/Wanda/Pietro his quartet. Leila joins the second ever roster of Avengers, and fits right in with the team made up largely of former villains. 

This is where we get into Leila’s backstory for the first time. It’s very similar to her movie backstory, but toned down a bit because of the comics code authority. We maybe see like, one panel of her mom hitting her, but the extent of the abuse she suffered is largely told through implications, and she’s not confirmed as a sexual assault survivor until the 2000s when we get more flashbacks. Her backstory centers less on religious trauma and more on being surrounded by anti-mutant sentiment. 

Because that’s the other big difference, is that Leila’s ability to alter her appearance isn’t a big secret like it is in the movies. In the movies, David forces her to repress them and she doesn’t realize she can do it until she’s an adult. In the comics, her main power is changing her appearance, not an extension of her power-copying ability, and she’s been aware of it since she was a child. 

(I think the DNA mirroring and power copying concepts don’t get introduced until later, probably in the early Bronze age; in her first appearances Leila is just your garden variety shapeshifter.)

Anyways. The CKQ era is where snowcap starts, but it’s also where the animosity between Leila and Wanda starts. Wanda canonically had feelings for Steve at this point, and this being the sixties, of course they would be written as romantic rivals. 

Eventually this tension is what makes Leila leave the team, possibly breaking up with Steve in the process, mostly because the writers didn’t want to write Cap as having a girlfriend that’s just never around. 

INTERMISSION: MCU LEGAL ISSUES

I imagine that Leila, like Pietro and Wanda, is a character that Disney was hesitant to use because of her connection to the X-Men. Ultimately throughout her history she’s been more involved with the Avengers than X-Men, but still. 

The first two chapters of Leila MM would be told through a comic series that takes place before the Avengers, but is released shortly afterwards as a sort of mini-prequel, since she was the only Avenger to not be introduced before the movie, because while they were making the pre-Avengers movies they hadn’t decided to bring her in yet. 

Like Quicksilver, Leila likely has an XMCU counterpart. I’ll have to watch the movies and get back to you. 

BRONZE AGE/EARLY MODERN AGE

Leila remained underutilized for a lot of the next few decades. She popped into different books, never really settling in one plotline for long. She and Steve were on-again off-again; their relationship was strained by Leila’s heel-turn revolving door. Comics, god bless them, are straight-up ass at lasting character development (*coughs* Quicksilver: No Surrender *coughs*) and you never quite knew when Leila would spontaneously decide to go be a villain again. Still, her villainous periods tended to be mild, focusing more on theft and minor crimes than huge murders, and she and Steve continued to have soft spots for each other even while on opposite sides. 

TURN OF THE CENTURY

This is where things start to look up. Marvel has all but abandoned the CCA, and they’re now welcome to expand on Leila’s backstory. 

Leila rejoins the X-Men briefly, and goes up against the Trust. Here we get more of her backstory with how she took control of the Trust, as well as more backstory on David. Prior to this David had been portrayed as a very minor player in her backstory, the leader of the cult who had no particular relationship to her. Here we learn the extent of the abuse he subjected her to. A lot of it is told through implications; Marvel might not have been following the CCA, but they weren’t about to get too dark, either. It’s a source of debate whether David is Leila’s biological father or not. 

(Possibly in Ultimates it goes even further and gets into the nitty gritty, but Ultimates isn’t 616 canon, so there’s still debate about some details. It’s clear, though, that in both continuities, David was a major abusive figure in Leila’s life and their relationship was formative for her. Leila’s backstory is notoriously dark for a comics character.)

After her plotline with the Trust, Leila rejoins the Avengers, and is basically solidified as an anti-hero from that point on. 

-M DAY

I haven’t read much about this plotline but Leila is one of the few remaining mutants after M Day. 

-CIVIL WAR

Leila takes the anti-reg stance, and she and Steve get back together. However, they get into a fight, as Steve confronts her about her motives. He says that Leila is only anti-reg for her own purposes; she doesn’t want to be in any database because she wants to be able to run if she needs to. And he’s honestly like...50% right, but Leila doesn’t bother explaining the other side of the story. They break up, and she ditches the conflict before things get as ugly as they do. 

-SOLO SERIES

Leila, like Hawkeye, becomes a popular household name after the Avengers, and finally gets a solo series, entitled Codename: Snow White. Inspired loosely by the movies, this is where we see Leila join SHIELD as an agent. There’s a plotline where she goes undercover and has to pretend to be evil, and runs into Steve, who sees right through it--proving that he does trust her integrity. 

They share a kiss, but don’t get back together, just because they’re both busy with SHIELD/Avengers stuff. But it’s sort of a promise that they’ll try to work things out when they have time. 

-ALL-NEW X-FACTOR

I just really like the idea of Leila on this team. Maybe she’s investigating Serval Industries for Fury? But like her vibing with Lorna, snarking back and forth with Pietro, flirting with Remy, complaining about how ugly the costumes are, we love to see it. It eventually leads to her joining the Uncanny Avengers when Pietro goes back. 

-UNCANNY AVENGERS

I think? That by the time ANXF was done Steve had left the team but pretend he didn’t and pretend he’s still there. This is where he and Leila get back together finally, a writing choice that is informed by the popularity of the relationship in the movies. After the series ends, when their next appearance is, they show up still together. 

DIFFERENCES

I think in the comics Leila is a slightly lighter character. A little less tortured. She hasn’t done as many bad things as she has in the movies, so she has less to feel guilty for, and her backstory is like, marginally less traumatic. She never burned down the compound, and Violet Elwood doesn’t exist. So she’s a little more well-adjusted. 

I think also the fact that she keeps finding her way back to villainy is a big difference. In the movies, once Leila truly becomes a hero she never goes back. I think comics!Leila has a similar complex where she thinks she’ll never be a real hero, but copes with it by not trying, whereas mcu!Leila is willing to suffer through it. 

I think another reason for that discrepancy is that comics!Leila’s villainy is, again, more mild than mcu!Leila. In the comics, all of her villainy after her original turning good is just like, stealing shit. Leila in the movies is literally a spree killer. 

OTHER NOTES

Self indulgently, I think she probably had a brief thing with Pietro at some point. The relationship was widely regarded as a bad writing choice (because most of the time they hate each other) and is mostly ignored except for like ten people who ship it. I’m one of them.

[salarta]

Things I’d like to see for Polaris/Lorna Dane in comics

I’ve said fairly often what things I would and wouldn’t like to see in comics that involve Lorna, but I don’t think I’ve said them in a comprehensive list on Tumblr before. I’ve decided to make that list right now.

These are pretty much things that either Marvel hasn’t done anything with, or hasn’t done nearly enough with.

Genosha

This is the biggest, most important one. Lorna nearly died during the Genoshan genocide. She had to endure hearing the death wails and voices of millions of her people murdered around her, not just in that exact moment, but on repeat because her powers “stored” all of it like a recording. The whole experience made her darker and harsher.

... And Marvel never does anything at all with it. What she went through is something that should never, ever be forgotten, and Marvel acts like it never happened. This is the #1 top priority thing that needs to be covered in the comics, badly. Not covering it is like ignoring Magneto survived the Holocaust. It’s a major flash point for the character that had major implications on who they are and their development.

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver

Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver are Magneto’s kids. I don’t accept the forced retcon saying they’re not. Marvel only did it because Fox owned the film rights to X-Men, and Marvel didn’t do nearly enough with the whole family before the forced retcon. It needs restoring ASAP.

AU versions like Secret Wars House of M are not sufficient. The 616 versions need to be family again.

Specific to Scarlet Witch, I personally would like to see the consequences of M-Day addressed in relation to its effect on Lorna and their relationship. Wanda seemed to target Lorna for definite power loss purely because she was part of the family. That power loss came not long after Genosha, when being a mutant was practically the only thing Lorna had left to keep herself together. It led to her nearly killing herself to deal with identity crisis, then getting abducted by Apocalypse and tortured into becoming Pestilence, then chased off to space (cause of an anti-Apocalypse cult) where she once again got tortured and then mind-controlled.

Wanda’s actions brought a lot of suffering into Lorna’s life; this is something I’d like to see covered. Not “hammer it into oblivion” addressed, but just one real good story.

Lorna also had a good brother-sister dynamic with Pietro even when they weren’t known to actually be half-siblings.

Even if we act like they can’t still be a family, there are things they’ve done together that mean they could very well interact more in the future.

History with Malice, Zaladane

I know some people are very concerned about Malice in the coming X-Men Blue arc, and they’re complaining a lot, specifically because it’s Malice.

Here’s the thing with me: I actually WANT to see that history explored. Last time it was really addressed in any significant way was the early to mid 90s. That’s 20-30 years ago. If the history with Malice was a constant problem that spanned multiple decades of use, and was done poorly recently, then yeah, I’d say stay away from it. But I think enough time has passed that it’s safe. The only thing that worries me about the coming arc isn’t Malice, but how Havok’s presence could mess up the use of Malice. Without him, I’d have no concerns right now.

Likewise, with Zaladane, it’s been 30 years or so. I think there’s potential, NOT as another sister, but as an archrival. IMO, the “family” stuff from the late 80s can be explained as her trying to screw with Lorna and possibly Magneto, and that they aren’t actually family at all.

With Malice, there’s a lot to be said and gathered from the experience of another entity controlling you. A more empathetic look would be big. I also kinda headcanon the idea that Malice brings Lorna’s darkest, cruelest impulses and desires to the surface, but she’s weaker than Lorna would ever be with them because Lorna is resisting her from within. I think possession/”mind control” stories can be good IF a writer knows what they’re doing. And that generally requires a hard focus on that specific character, not diluted by tons of team stuff.

In both cases and many more, there’s a lot of poor treatment in Lorna’s history that I think can be rehabilitated into something great if modernized. It’s all about the writing. I’d like to see that history on show and done well. And I think people opposed to it without giving it a shot unintentionally give Marvel an excuse to ignore that she has a long, storied history, which then allows Marvel to act like she didn’t exist until the 90s.

When I say this, think of M’Baku from Black Panther. In comics, a very problematic character, codename Man-Ape, generally seen as racist depiction. The Black Panther film rehabilitated the character so well that his film version is very popular.

I think the same could be done for Lorna with things like Malice and Zaladane.

More acknowledgment of her LONG history and milestones in general

This year is Polaris’ 50th anniversary of her creation. Marvel’s done nothing. Polaris was the second female X-Men member to join, after Jean Grey. Marvel ignores that.

When Marvel made an X-Men comic of all women, she was excluded. When Marvel had events like Avengers vs X-Men, where she had a huge stake because of Genosha and Wanda removing her powers, they excluded her. When Marvel celebrated the X-Men franchise’s 50th anniversary in 2013, they excluded Lorna from everything - yet somehow found a place to highlight Havok.

Marvel needs to do more to acknowledge her history, value and development. They treat her like a random character made in the early 90s that has little value. She deserves better.

Romance

Havok is the only character Lorna’s ever been allowed to have as a romantic partner, in all 50 years of her character history, while Havok’s had several women as partners (Rahne, Goblin Queen, Wasp to name ones I remember immediately). Closest Lorna ever had was a love triangle with Iceman in the real early years, and some very light flirtations with possible romance with Gambit on All-New X-Factor.

I’d like to see Lorna in a romantic relationship with someone new, as long as she’s written well and respectfully as her own character while in it.

Friendships

Lorna doesn’t have any really clear roots where she’s able to interact with characters regularly. As noted above, she’s largely forced into a pigeonhole of Havok and only him.

But she used to be Jean Grey’s closest friend, before Claremont put Storm in that position AND bent over backwards to push Lorna out at the same time. She was close to Iceman, but decades of them not getting to interact much means that when the Iceman solo was made after both Icemen came out as gay, the writer decided to keep Lorna only at a single text bubble as her contribution to the story.

She needs her old friendships restored, badly. They’re a vital part of her history that’s been erased. And it wouldn’t hurt to forge or strengthen new ones. With adult Jean Grey back, now’s a perfect time to rebuild those needlessly burned bridges.

Expanded Power Use

In a series of posts I used to make called What Could Polaris Do, I shared articles and pics of things to emphasize how Lorna’s powers could be used. The point was to note how much more could be done than what we were seeing.

With what we know about electromagnetic power, Lorna could intercept communications. She could make herself and people around her “invisible.” She could use her powers as sort of low-level psychic powers, reading minds, altering memories, relaying messages via telepathy.

Marvel tends to relegate her only to throwing metal around, but she could do so much more.

[smokeybrand]

Smokey brand Reviews: Life Is Unfair

WandaVision finished last week and i had planned to write and entire review about it as, you know. ‘m a hardcore Marvel shill, bu i opted to wait a bit. I wanted time to let the show marinate and then revisit it all at once to see if i still felt the way i did during the initial run. I’ve written little standalone posts, her and there, about specific episodes or characters as the show aired but i wanted to kind of document everything good and bad, that i noticed watching the MCU’s fist attempt at long form content. Objectively, I'm probably still pretty bias toward the show because it’s been a year since we got any new MCU content so there might not be a ton of critique in this bad boy. Plus, i really like Darcy so this thing already starts with bonus points.

The Good

The overall concept of this how being Wanda’s journey through the stages of grief was brilliant. I don’t know if this was ever officially acknowledged, but you can actually see a stage for every two episodes. Denial is basically the entirety of the first two episodes while seven and eight are straight up Depression. Going back through knowing that really makes for a far more potent watch.

I mentioned Darcy before but i really liked how Jimmy Woo got to shine here as well. Dude was one of the best things about Ant-Man II and i just really want dude to get bumped up into SWORD already.

The acting in this is exceptional. I wrote about Lizzy Olsen’s outstanding performance in it’s own posts a while back, but i need to acknowledge Paul Bettany as well. Dude is great in his role as Vision and i was a little bummed he got bumped off so soon after his introduction. I’m so glad Feige gave him such legs with this role because it really did Bettany a service in letting him actually show us who his Vision truly is.

Actually, the entire cast was pretty dope, overall. The child actors were kind of whack but they’re kids so that stands to reason but everyone else, did a decent job. The writing was pretty temperamental overall but everyone did their very best with the material given to them.

This series was pretty dope to look at. Like, the visual effects were spectacular at times. Not all of the time. There are chinks in the armor but, as a whole, this thing was very pleasing on the eye.

But dat White Vision, tho! White Vision is the Vision i grew up with as a kid. He was in that Avengers game and, at the time i got into comics, the primary Vision on the Avengers squad. I’ve always preferred that version of the character, mostly for nostalgia reasons, but i understood the red and green was classic styles. I carried no illusions about seeing a White Vision in the MCU but then BAM! WandaVision brings MY Vision to the Little Big Screen and i am forever grateful.

The sitcom aesthetic was a fun framing device. I really enjoyed recognizing all these shows that i used to watch growing up. When they hit me with the Malcolm in the Middle episode, i was the only one among my friends that immediately knew the reference. Malcolm is a lost gem, a classic in the sitcom hierarchy that more people should definitely watch. It f*cking launched Bryan Cranston’s career. We wouldn’t have Walter White if not for Hal Wilkerson.

Wanda’s Scarlet Witch costume is dope as f*ck. I was surprised she actually got a suit as, if i recall, her character wasn’t supposed to ever go full hero like that that. She even said the tiara thingy was dumb. Fast forward a decade later and there she is, tiara thingy and all.

The Meh

That Fox-Men Quicksilver bait was superfluous. Evan Peters was great, as always, but superfluous. His appearance in this show was unnecessary. A lot of people were crazy upset about the “reveal” but i didn’t care. I was pretty sure this show wasn’t going to be the mutant backdoor everyone wanted it to be.

The Bad

Monica’s origin kind of sucks. The actress, herself, did a great job with what he had but the overall character arc was a little flaccid. They did a disservice to Teyonah Parris with that. There were hints that she’s capable of much more, particularly the opening seen where she returns from the Snap, but that potential was never fully realized and it’s unfortunate. It makes her overall character feel inconsequential.

Also, the f*ck are those powers, man? Monica in the comics is a straight up powerhouse, especially in her current Spectrum persona. It’s a little ridiculous to me that she would get dog-walked so easily by literally anyone she came into contact with. Bro, Monica is on the Ultimates. She shares space with Black Panther, Blue Marvel, Captain Marvel, and America Chavez. T’Chala is a top ten genius in the Marvel Universe, so is Adam Brashear on top of being a living anti-mater generator, Carol Danvers is probably the most powerful human hero currently in the 616, and America can literally punch her way into other dimensions. And Monica’s power set slides right in line with those people. Plus, they have a pet Galactus. But MCU Monica stopped bullets by letting them Vision phase through her body kind off. The audacity!

They did my girl Agatha so wrong. When she was Agnes, she was dope as f*ck! I loved her insidious suggestion and the way she just inserted herself into everything; It was delicious! Kathryn Hahn was great as Agnes. And then she went full witch and lost all of that charm. It was so disappointing, you know? She was well on her way to becoming a second Justin Hammer only to be relegated to the same level of clownery as Yellowjacket or Malekith.

While touching on Agatha’s generic villain-ness, her climactic battle with Wanda was so cliche. It as really disappointing. You have two, dumb powerful witches, and you resort to what is effectively laser beam in the sky. There was a distinct lack of imagination for so much potential available.

How is Vision a Vision without the Mind Stone? That was the bulk of his power. How is White Vision doing the same thing without the literally cosmic forced that predates the universe, powering his abilities? Questions for later i guess?

The pacing in this thing is mad wonky. Those first three episodes upon re-watch drag like nobody’s business. It picks up after that for three or four more episodes, but you can definitely tell those last few were mad rushed. It’s a crazy uneven show altogether but i can’t say it really takes you out of it

Tyler Hayward is a terrible villain. Arguably, the worst.

The Verdict

WandaVision was pretty okay, definitely the right show for which to introduce us to Phase Four. That said, it peaked way too early, man. Like, i enjoyed this thing thoroughly, it's a nice start to what looks to be a darker turn for the MCU, but it felt kind of wonky. Bad pacing, man, and SO many loose strings to tie going forward. There were some lackluster character choices, Monica feels dumb underdeveloped, but all in all? Not bad. If this thing were a movie, I'd say it'd be about upper mid tier. About as good as Endgame and, say, Guardians II. WandaVision is better than everything in Phase One but staggers against the better films in Phase Two and doesn’t even touch It can't touch the best in the Franchise. Iron Man, Infinity War or Winter Soldier blow this show out of the water. As a vehicle for Wanda Maximoff, it is excellent. This is definitely her origin story, even if it doesn’t stick the landing as assuredly as i would have wanted.

[thecorteztwins]

Reasons Fabian Cortez is a joy to read (with citations)

- Gets hit in the face with a guitar by mutant rockstar Lila Cheney (X-Men '92)

- Sneaks right by the X-Men by wearing the brilliant disguise of a baseball cap (X-Men '92)

- Lies to birds. No, seriously, he just started lying to a random bird about how he was devoted to mutant/flatscan peace now (because using an anti-human slur you made up REALLY makes that convincing, Fabs) The bird wasn't a shapeshifter or sentient or anything. It was just a random wild bird. (Magneto miniseries)

- When he came back from the dead, he made his grand re-entrace floating and sparkling...with no explanation for how he could do that, as neither is in his powerset. He then immediately creeped on the nearest woman. (Magneto miniseries)

- Just when you think he can't get any sleazier, he gets sleazier (TOO MANY INSTANCES TO NAME)

- Openly admitted his supervillainy plans included FORMING A HAREM FOR HIMSELF (Magneto miniseries)

- Was then punched unconscious by the woman he was trying to force into said harem

- No one questioned why she did this, all three witnesses just assumed he deserved it because IT'S FABIAN

- Two issues earlier, he was telling this same woman how "pure" he was and comparing himself to snow. TO SNOW. BECAUSE HE'S SO PURE. THEN TRIES TO FORCE A WOMAN TO BE A PART OF HIS FANTASY WOULD-BE SEX SLAVE COLLECTION JFC FABS

- Was willing to risk pissing off APOCALYPSE if it meant getting laid (cartoon series, he's shown with a girl in his room while Apocalypse's Hounds are trying to get a new host body for Apocalypse...which they fail to do but might have accomplished IF FABIAN HAD BEEN THERE INSTEAD OF (literally) FUCKING AROUND)

- Used a hologram projector to make pictures of himself in different outfits and with hot babes hanging off him (link)(cartoon series)

- Says shit like SO SAYETH ME and MY WILL BE DONE in the cartoon series

- Costume is a penis arrow

- Despite possibly losing said penis to Wolverine's claws (The Uncanny X-Men #300)

- Causes a 15+ year mystery because he was staring at a woman's ass (Dark Seduction series)

- Once delivered pizza to Magneto and Mystique (The Chaos Engine Trilogy)

- Is in stuff titled "Fatal Attractions" and "Dark Seduction" that sound more like bodice rippers than comic book arcs

- Told Wanda and Pietro not to fight over him. (Blood Ties)

- Was chased through a concert parking lot by a grunge band that referred to him as a "weird roadie" (X-Men '92) - Shot a horse furry.  It was when the Acolytes were fighting the High Evolutionary’s New Men in the Quicksilver miniseries. The New Men are “uplifted” animals, meaning animals that the High Evolutionary artificially evolved into sentient, speaking, human/animal hybrid forms that basically look like the anthropomorphic version of their respective animal type. So, furries.

- There's a series of artistic errors re Fabian's cape over a few issues of X-Men '92. It's left at the scene when he's captured but then when he's shown in captivity he's got it on, how did he get a new one? Then during a fight it's red but a few moments after the fight is over, it's yellow. I conclude he keeps spares on him to change if one gets lost/dirty because FABIAN IS A DIVA must be what those 90s pouches are for

- Speaking of capes, I've actually noticed in 616 that he wraps his cape around himself when he's in trouble, like a kid with a security blanket. It's like the ONE thing endearing about him. He also did this on a stealth mission because GOD FORBID HE JUST LEAVE IT AT HOME LIKE A SENSIBLE PERSON I GUESS

- “DON’T YOU PEOPLE GET IT?! This is MY LIFE we’re talking about here!” He yells this at Pietro, Wanda, and Crystal while holding Luna hostage. Fabian. These people do not care about you. These people HATE you. Like, I just love that being crazed with terror doesn’t humble him, IT JUST MAKES HIS EGO THAT MUCH CRAZIER BY MAKING HIM THINK HIS ENEMIES GIVE A SHIT ABOUT HIS LIFE oh Fabian never change, you absolute delight. (Uncanny X-Men #307)

- Once, a scheme he was doing with another villain got really out of hand and he had to team up with Quicksilver, the would-be victim, to stop it. The moment the trouble was over, Quicksilver turned around saying "Cortez, you've got some explaining to--" but Fabian was GONE. The implication is he was teleported by another villain he was working for, but I like to think that FABIAN JUST RUNS SO FAST FROM RESPONSIBILITY EVEN *PIETRO* CAN'T CATCH HIM (Quicksilver miniseries)

- He once managed to disguise himself and get past the X-Men, even when they were looking right at him, just by wearing civilian clothes, a baseball cap, and a jacket/shirt that said STAFF. No, his normal costume does not involve a mask or anything. They know what he looks like. Except when he's wearing a baseball cap, I guess. (X-Men '92)

- In X-Men Forever, the good guys happen upon him as the emaciated tortured prisoner of an anti-mutant group. He assumed they came to mock him. YES, FABIAN, THEY BROKE IN, FOUGHT ALL THE GUARDS, JUST BECAUSE THEY KNEW YOU WERE HERE AND WANTED TO SAY NAH NAH NAH

- He threw a tantrum while naked. Twice in a row. (The Uncanny X-Men #300)

- The Acolytes were losing the fight and Fabian tried to make a getaway like the coward he is. But Bishop stopped him...and Fabian FUCKED HIM RIGHT UP. Don’t you get in his way when he’s trying to save his own ass! ( The Uncanny X-Men #300)

- Is honestly such a fuckboy that he set off a rogue Phoenix flare when he manhandled Jean Grey (X-Men Forever #1)

- Claims to be "the supreme mutant" (X-Men '92)

- He's definitely not gay, Fabian's a really thirsty hetero super straight guy, but there's a lot of hilarious Accidental Gay here and there if you look. For instance, he tells Quicksilver that Quicksilver screams his name really well (Blood Ties) and Quicksilver says that he “felt this incredible rush” when Fabian touched him (Quicksilver miniseries) Psylocke calls him Magneto’s “pet boy” at one point, and at another point  Magneto is shirtless in bed yelling "FABIAN CORTEZ! ATTEND ME!" and Fabian comes running...(X-Men (2nd series) #96). Again, he’s a very straight (and did I mention thirsty) guy in 616, but there is a canon alternate universe (What If…? #64)  where he wears purple short shorts, an ascot kerchief, and has an M on his thigh for Magneto. I'm not saying this is the gay Fabian universe but... 

- He is always manspreading every damn time he sits down. The only time he does NOT sit with his legs splayed wide open like LOOK AT MY BALLS EVERYONE is this one time in X-Men '92 when he is sitting next to BOOM BOOM

- He speaks with super pretentious big fancy words all the time but when the shit hits the fan (X-Men Forever #1), ACTUAL QUOTE---"I gotta get the hell outta here!" HE CAN TALK LIKE A NORMAL PERSON FINE. HE JUST CHOOSES NOT TO! FABIAN YOU POMPOUS FUCK!

- One time a prisoner grabbed his ponytail while he was talking and yanked so hard he screamed like a little bitch in front of his followers. The quote "Because I said soOWWWWW!!" is among his best lines in my book (The Uncanny X-Men #300)

- His motive seems to basically be affluenza. Seriously, every resource says he came from a rich family of high social standing but then just got bored. I can't make this up.

- He sits in Magneto's chair when Magneto isn't around. Quicksilver walks in on this (Dark Seduction)

- Fabian ignored a female teammate's advice and as a result, literally two seconds later an actual aquarium of water exploded on him. Like a fucking HUGE aquarium too, not like a fish tank, he BASICALLY GOT HIT BY A POND. And then got carried by the flood through a building until he rained down on some very confused people. (Quicksilver miniseries)

- Exodus later promoted this same female teammate to command the next Acolytes mission and Fabian wasn’t even allowed to go. Fabian was RIGHT THERE when Exodus did this and not happy about it. (Quicksilver miniseries)

- Female teammate: "Fabian! We need you!" Fabian: "Of course you do" SHE MEANT IN BATTLE YOU SMUG CREEPY FUCKER (Quicksilver miniseries)

- He teamed up with Maximus the Mad with the intent to use/double-cross him. When Fabian was gonna do a thing, Max said no, don't do the thing, and Fabian called him an ADDLED FOOL...so Max manipulated his mind to hallucinate Magneto come to kill him. Fabian flipped out in fear, and Maximus was easily able to persuade him to boost his powers so he could save him. Once he did, Maximus LOL'D about tricking him and immediately turned the tables :D (Quicksilver miniseries)

- Magneto walks in on Fabian in Magneto's private screening room that's supposed to be off-limits to everyone except him. Fabian is playing repeated clips of when he and the original Acolytes first attacked Genosha, fought the X-Men, etc. Awwww, revisiting your glory days before you were Erik's bitch, Fabs? Honestly it's almost sad but then I remember it's Fabian (X-Men Unlimited)

-  Magneto was asleep so Fabian and the Acolytes snuck out to party I mean kill Genoshan Magistrates and then Magneto had to come pick them up like naughty teenagers when they got in trouble with the X-Men SRSLY THIS HAPPENED (X-men second series #1-2)

- They had Charles Xavier captive and he was unconscious and Fabian was all dramatically pondering “What are you up to, old man?” and Magneto just goes “sleeping?” way to ruin Fabian’s dramatics dude sheesh (X-Men second series #3)

- At one point  MAGNETO WALKS IN ON HIM RIGHT AS HE'S ENCOURAGING THE ACOLYTES TO TURN ON HIM AND HURLS HIM INTO A PILLAR. HE DOESN'T EVEN KILL HIM HE'S JUST LIKE "STOP THAT". LIKE HE JUST EXPECTS THIS NOW (bonus points, before Mags did, one of the Acolytes says "Fabian Cortez, you're talking treason!" LIKE YEAH ARE YOU SURPRISED BY THIS? ANY OF YOU? YOU ALL KNOW AT THIS POINT WHAT HE DID TO MAGS ORIGINALLY FFS) (Uncanny X-Men #379)

- Apparently, he's "deathly allergic to rainforests". We find this out because a woman teleports him into the Amazon. The same woman who he tried to put into his would-be harem after telling her how OMFG PURE he is a few issues before. I don't know how you're allergic to an entire biome, he probably just has an allergy to a single genus of common tropical plants or something, but yeah, that happened. IT'S NEVER EXPLAINED HOW HE GOT BACK. Seriously, how did he get back from the Amazon to Genosha? Did he walk? Did the locals pay to have him shipped back? I feel like there's a hilarious story here not being told!

- In a single issue (X-Men: Magneto War) Fabian Cortez: *Wore his cape wrapped up around himself on a stealth mission rather than just TAKE IT OFF what a diva * Made gross comments about a physically mutated woman being “repulsive” and a “Morlock misfit” * Painfully hypercharged one of his Acolytes against their will * Used manipulative guilt-tripping tactics (“You have failed us! You have failed the cause! You have failed Lord Magneto!” LIKE UR NOT THE ONE WHO KILLED MAGNETO, U BAG OF SHIT) * Ran away and abandoned the Acolytes to the X-Men (with his cape still wrapped around him as he fled) ALL IN A SINGLE ISSUE WTF HOW EVEN FABIAN

[putris-et-mulier]

Those of you who want to start reading comics but don't know how to start

comixology is doing a BOGO sell on Marvel comics, specifically the most popular ones. Quick overview and recommendations for those who might be overwhelmed with the choices. But the word "Marvel" in your promotion code when you check out.

I'm going to try to just give you one sentence or a panel to recommend all the X-Men ones, because you know I'm recommending all of the X-Men ones. But I will let you know what's in it, vaguely.

I'll add more panel examples but I need to do something and the sale ends on the 13th

"Recent Jumping On Points!"  

Moon Knight Vol. 1: Lunatic – I love this series. Moon Knight is a lot like Deadpool and Legion in that they are all mentally ill characters that no one really seemed to know what to do with but Jeff Lemire got the series and he's been doing an amazing job. It will be confusing but it's confusing even if you have read the old comics, the whole thing is kind of his perception of reality so… If you like mentally ill Jewish male protagonists that need to be protected, you'll like this

Gwenpool, The Unbelievable Vol. 1: Believe It – she's a recent Deadpool spinoff I haven't really started to get but I will soon so if you do get this I'd like to hear your opinion

X-Men '92 Vol. 1: The World Is A V – this is a continuation of the 90s cartoon but it jumps ahead in the story so even people who have seen the cartoon know everything you and it's written with the expectation that you probably haven't seen the cartoon

and there is Jubilee

Spider-Man/Deadpool Vol. 1: Isn't It Bromantic – now everyone who says "I wanted to read that" can. It's as ridiculous as everyone says it is. More so, actually.

Deadpool: World's Greatest Vol. 1 – if you want to start reading the most recent Deadpool comics just start with this

Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur Vol. 1: BFF – it's comic book about a little girl and a dinosaur, it's adorable

Wolverine: Old Man Logan Vol. 1: Berzerker – this is what the movie Logan is based off of

Spider-Gwen Vol. 1: Greater Power – what if Peter Parker died and Gwen became a superhero and was in a punk band with Peter's ex girlfriends: best premise ever

All-New Wolverine Vol. 1: The Four Sisters – you might also want to check this out if you like Logan, currently the Wolverine in "old Man Logan" is in the 616 but Laura has just become the official Wolverine

All-New X-Men: Inevitable Vol. 1 – okay, so the original X-Men (Cyclops, Marvel Girl Jean Gray, Archangel, Iceman, Beast) travel forward in time so right now in the 616 we have adult versions of those characters, the ones we've always had, and now the teenage version of those characters which are technically the same characters but taken out of time when they were teenagers and just formed the X-Men, before everyone died a bunch of times. The book isn't as confusing as the explanation but I think some of you might like it because when Iceman traveled to the future he outed his older self as being in the closet and in this book we see his teenage self, straight from the 70s (pun intended,) try to figure out how to live like a gay guy in this century.

Also, baby Cyclops

Extraordinary X-Men Vol. 1: X-Haven – this is about the school refugee children in the X-Men put in Hell (Limbo) because the Earth is too dangerous. Also a genius premise

Uncanny Avengers: Unity Vol. 1: Lost Future – I've talked about this one a ton, it's the one where Rouge, Deadpool, Cable, and Quicksilver (and Captin  America, and blah blah blah) are working as Avengers

"Recent #1's"

Death Of X (2016) Issue #1 – Cyclops died (yes, he will be back eventually and there is still the teenage Cyclops running around hating himself)

IvX (2016-2017) Issue #1 – a lot about X-Men is about bigotry and eugenics and this one is another angle on that. What if two nearly extinct races have to exterminate the other to live?

Deadpool: Back In Black (2016) Issue #1 – this is about Deadpool and Venom hooking up for a while

Jessica Jones (2016-) Issue #1 – if you haven't seen the Netflix show, you should and if you have seen it and liked it you need to read this. Jessica just got released from prison and is separated from Luke and hiding their child and you have to read a few issues before they start to tell you why she went to prison and all that other stuff

and look at her shirt

Civil War II: X-Men (2016) Issue #1 – skip it. It's not bad, it's just boring

"Popular Marvel Collections"

Avengers vs. X-Men – the X-Men find a way to save their race and the Avengers try to exterminate them again. This is the series I always mentioned when people say that Captain America isn't a racist

House of M – what of Scarlet Wtich cast a spell that mutants should disappear and then Magneto becomes king and everyone was happy, kind of

X-Men: Days of Future Past – this is what the movie was based on but it's good and they didn't give all the leading roles to Wolverine. I love this book, a friend and I would act it out when we were kids which was probably pretty alarming for the adults

Deadpool Kills the Marvel Universe – I'm the only one who didn't like this series so based on statistics you will like it. Eh it wasn't that bad. You get to see an alternate universe Deadpool shoot an alternate universe Spider-Man in the head and this was before he did it those last two times in the 616

Astonishing X-Men Vol. 1: Gifted – Cyclops tries to make the X-Men good guys again… With Emma Frost. She was that chick that always dressed in white in Days of Future Past but, again, she's actually cool in the comics. I think some of you would really like her, her character is like "what if a girl had the dream of becoming a school teacher but she was born as such a marginalized and targeted race so she grew up to teach in a segregated community in a school for child refugees of your race" and tack on "what if a girl was so conventionally attractive that no one took her serious despite her being very intelligent so she learns how to use her sexuality and her passing privilege to manipulate people"

Ultimate X-Men Vol. 1 – no unless you have nothing else to read

X-Men: Second Coming – it's about Deadpool's ex-husband's daughter that Cable kept strapped to his chest 

X-Men: Battle of the Atom – read this after all new X-Men, at least the first one. Now a mutant group from the future travels back in time to take out the teenage versions because every future is a dystopia and everyone believes the only way to is to murder yourself in the past

and we get a bunch of new teen mutants and their parentage… Is very X-Men. Look how cute Shogo is meeting his mother's teenage past self 

Guess who this dude belongs to

If you ship Xavierine you have to read this

X-Men: the Complete Age Of Apocalypse Epic Book 1 – this is an alternate universe story so I'm not sure if you want to read it but the art isn't as bad as the cover makes it seem

Hawkeye Vol. 1: My Life As A Weapon – this the series in which they actually keep Hawkeye deaf and integrated wonderfully into the story

All-New X-Men Vol. 1: Yesterday's X-Men – the teenage X-Men travel to the current timeline and meet their older selves.  

Runaways Vol. 1: Pride and Joy – Runaways is always cute. It's about a group of kids who all had evil villains for parents and they ran away from their homes and tried to be heroes 

"Marvel Women of Power"

I think you guys know what you want in this category but the Spider Woman one is the one in which she tries to fight crime while she's pregnant. Thor is Jane Foster (she is the current Thor because Thor is in a timeout) while she's at the last stages of terminal cancer. She Hulk is a lawyer. Ms. Marvel is the girl that was in the news for taking over the legacy name AND being Muslim and it's actually made by Muslim women.

X-Men: The Dark Phoenix Saga – everyone has read this. Even people who have never read comics. Through osmosis. Don't be the last one…

X-Treme X-Men Vol. 5: God Loves, Man Kills – Also read this

X-Men: The Complete Onslaught Epic - Book One – if it sounds good read it but I don't think is very applicable to anything that's going on right now in the comics or movie

Wolverine: Weapon X – if you can stand looking at Wolverine any longer

X-Men: Inferno – This one is going to be pretty confusing to be one of the first things you read but if you know about Jean Gray and Madeline Prior in all that you'll enjoy it 

New Mutants Epic Collection: Renewal – remember in Deadpool that character Negasonic Teenage Warhead? She is a new mutant, they are the mutant students that graduated and are trying to be X-Men. There's going to be a TV show based on this but I'm not sure if it's going be based on anything specific. The first members are Karma who is a psychic lesbian who eventually becomes an amputee raising her younger siblings as a kind of single mother, Sunspot is a Brazilian guy that kind of explodes a lot in all senses of the word, Moonstar is a young woman from the Cheyenne nation who is eventually a VIP and gets a flying horse, Cannonball is an innocent country boy that is "pretty much invulnerable when Ah'm blastin" 

It is like One Tree Hill if one tree Hill was about racism and general bigotry… and blastin'

Keep in mind that this is the beginning so these characters are adults now and the New Mutant lineup changes (obviously they have to eventually graduate to X-Men)

Wolverine By Claremont & Miller – this is what the movie "The Wolverine" was kind of based on so if you like it when Wolverine pretends to be Japanese you should pick this up 

Uncanny X-Men Masterworks Vol. 1 – if you want to start from beginning but want the ease of reading the collections

the Max stuff is the 616 Marvel characters in an R-rated universe

Journey Into Mystery Vol. 1: Fear Itself – this is when Loki was a teenager and they don't usually read these books but I really got hooked because they were better than I thought they would be 

Substance"> Young Avengers Vol. 1: Style > Substance – remember the series about a teenage Avenger group and no one turned out to be straight? This is the beginning of that

no to all the Ultimate stuff

Read all the X Factor and X Force! Uncanny X Force is the one with Deadpool and it's my favorite Deadpool of all time. I've talked about X Factor little before, that's when Rictor and Shatterstar finally get together. If you saw Logan you saw the first appearance of Rictor who is going to be in new mutants

this is the kid that plays him, Jason Genao

he is the kid at the table and this is from a Law and Order because I thought maybe it would be more familiar to everyone. So since we are starting with him as a kid I really hope if/when we see Shatterstar they do a throwback to his old hair and make a kid wear an extremely long blonde mullet wig on

[zimniysoldat-fiction]

Uncle Buckaroo

Summary: Director Hill needs the Winter Soldier to take on a rather special assignment.

Warnings: Uh...grumpy Bucky? Language (probably, it’s me we’re talking about)

Word Count: 1,712

A/N: Based on this request. Tangentially related to the request. I was finding it impossible to write the MCU, a 616 AU proved to be so much easier. Even then, I was having a hard time of it. Toddler!Tony is a hard nut to crack. So I didn’t. I hope it’s still enjoyable. Honestly, there are no traces of the MCU in this one. I’m sorry. Enjoy a picture of Bucky chilling with the Sacred Reznor on his spaceship.

Bucky was barely back on Earth a month when Maria Hill showed up at his door with a scrappy, smart-ass toddler. His dark walnut hair and near-ebony eyes looked hauntingly familiar to Bucky, but the assassin could hardly believe the resemblance was anything but coincidence. Still, he had to ask.

“Is that…Stark’s son?” He asked hesitantly, eyebrow kinked with skepticism. “Did Tony finally manage to keep a secret?” Bucky chuckled under his breath, always happy to have fun at Stark’s expense.

“It is Stark, Barnes.” Maria’s voice was flat, dampened with exhaustion and frustration.

Bucky stumbled over his words, hardly forming a syllable as he stepped aside, allowing Maria to bring the child into his apartment. While Maria explained that Tony had somehow reverted to his six year-old self during an exceptionally peculiar experiment-gone-wrong, Tony delighted in playing with the Sacred Reznor, feeding the naked aardvark-like alien little pieces of plum. The kid was so happy, so innocent, so…unlike Tony, that it captivated Bucky.

“This is all…” Bucky was struggling to be polite, “very interesting. But why is he here? Why are you telling me?”

“We need to keep him safe, under the radar.” Maria sighed heavily, “if it gets out that Tony Stark is a helpless kid, all hell will break loose.”

“Sure, but again, why are you telling me?”

“You were off-planet for six months and no one noticed that you were gone.”

“Thanks for reminding me,” Bucky groaned sarcastically.

Maria was far from finished her pitch, stubbornly continuing to plead her case. She was appealing to the fifteen year-old orphan living on a military base, the same one who took up with Captain America, the same orphan who died trying to defuse that bomb on Zemo’s drone. Bucky had spent countless hours wondering what would have happened to that orphan if he had a guardian; someone who would raise the kid, not turn him into an army mascot who would eagerly sign up to become a superhero’s sidekick. Maria was appealing to his ‘what if’ fantasy and it was working. Bucky already adopted a space alien, why not a young Tony Stark? How hard could it be?

Bucky never imagined how exhausting a genius toddler could be. Toppling regimes took less work than Tony. Bucky couldn’t believe it, but he lived for those mornings he got to drop the demon child off at kindergarten, giving him six hours of sweet relief. It’s times like these that Bucky really missed Steve. At least if he were still around, Bucky could drop the kid off on his doorstep. How did he let Hill rope him into this detail? How much longer was he going to have to play single dad in Manhattan?

This was the worst part of taking care of Tony, picking him up after school. Waiting by the gates, he felt like helpless prey being stalked by a pack of lionesses. And a few cougars. He worked hard to maintain a low profile, to ignore their aggressive advances, but the experience was grating. If only he knew how much worse it would get.

“Mum! Mum! Cap’n ‘Merica’s here! He’s really here!” One of the kids came running out of the building, shouting at the top of his lungs as he struggled to keep his backpack on his shoulders.

Bucky’s head snapped up, abandoning his study of cracks in the pavement to investigate the kid’s claims. He really hoped that it was some character actor the school hired, because if it was the real Captain America, Tony’s anonymity would be gone faster than Quicksilver after an ice cream truck. His crystal blue eyes darted across the school yard, he tried to get a decent look inside without drawing attention to himself. He was starting to feel relieved—relaxed and reassured that he couldn’t see any sign of Cap—when a single, friendly syllable sounded like an air raid siren, shattering any hope he held on to. Barnes!

“Hey—” Bucky still faltered with the title— “Cap. Fancy seeing you here.” He tried to smile at the star-spangled man with a falcon perched patiently on his shoulder.

“Me? It comes with the uniform,” Sam scoffed. “It’s more shocking seeing you here. Do you have a love child you’re not telling us about? Is that why you’ve been scarce this last year?”

“Nn—something like that.” Bucky caught himself just in time. “It’s complicated.”

“Uncle Bucky! Uncle Bucky!” Tony enthusiastically cut through the two, attaching himself to Bucky’s leg. It still weirded him out. Sam gave him a poignant look—he saw the resemblance quicker than Bucky had. “No one believes me that daddy knew Cap,” he pouted and Bucky already began to cringe. “They all think this idiot is Cap,” he scoffed, rolling his eyes in a fashion that was oh-so-Tony Stark.

“Hey now, kid,” Sam interjected, “there’s no need for name calling.”

“But you’re not Cap! You’re a fraud! Cap doesn’t have a falcon, he has a shield! Daddy made it for him!” Bucky pinched the bridge of his nose. This was a disaster.

“Wh—whose your daddy, buddy?” Sam’s voice was full of suspicion as he knelt down to meet Tony at his level.

“Howard Stark!” Tony puffed out his chest and turned his nose up. At this age, he was still proud of his dad—Howard was still his hero.

“How—Bucky,” Sam stood up, his face stern, “how about you and Tony come to Avengers Tower with me?” It was a question, Bucky was certain it was a question, but Sam made it sound like an order. In his head, Bucky was already coming up with ways to remind Sam of his place, but Tony had lit up like a Christmas tree in December—he was giddy at the thought of going to the Tower.

“I don’t know if you realize this, Cap, but not all of us can fly.”

As soon as he said it, Bucky had flashbacks to missions where Sam had to carry him as he flew into the mission site. He knew immediately that Sam planned on flying them to the Tower himself. Bucky sighed heavily while Sam grinned. Could this get any worse?

Tony was like a kid in a candy store—his eyes as wide as saucers, his jaw slack, and his mouth slightly agape—as Coulson gave him a tour of the Tower. Bucky and Sam were in the briefing room, joined by the other Avengers in the tower, and Maria Hill and Daisy Johnson—S.H.I.E.L.D.’s top brass with Fury out of the picture. Bucky was happy to let Maria explain everything, allowing Bucky to take the temperature of the room, to read each Avenger’s reaction.

Sam was annoyed, of course. And naturally, Rhodes was irate, insulted, and upset—why wouldn’t he be the obvious choice to take care of Tony? He was his brother in every way that mattered. Carol’s brow was furrowed as she listened, trying to figure out how this happened, and why Hill would cover it up. T’Challa may as well have been a statue, his face stoic, his body language calm and unchanging. At first, Daisy was mostly just bored, already aware of the situation, but as the briefing dragged on, she grew increasingly preoccupied with the CCTV footage from the lab.

“But why Barnes?” Rhodes’ voice was raised, indignant. “He can’t even take care of a plant, never mind a child!”

“Hey!” Bucky interjected, offended, but hardly surprised. “Rog is doing just fine, I’ll have you know. He’s happy and healthy, and Tony loves him.”

The table exchanged confused looks.

“Rog?” Carol inquired.

“I couldn’t keep calling him the Sacred Reznor, so I named him Roger.” Bucky explained matter-of-factly. He forgot that none of them knew about the space aardvark, save for Daisy, who was smirking at the memory of Bucky feeding the thing under his coat in the cantina.

The smirk quickly fell off her face, the footage replaying for the umpteenth time in front of her—it finally clicked, she finally knew why it seemed so familiar, and it sent a shiver down her spine. She wished so fervently that it wouldn’t be him—anyone but him. In a single movement, Daisy grabbed the tablet, spun her chair away from the table, and strode down to where Bucky was sitting. She whispered in his ear while he watched the footage, am ornery scowl weighing down the corners of his lips.

“But Ventolin—” Bucky trailed off, lost in memories of Mer-Z-Bow.

“That Loki is still there, I’ve kept tabs on him.” Daisy murmured, their conversation more private than the rest of the room would like.

“Would you two like to share with the rest of the class?” Sam droned sarcastically, rolling his eyes and leaning back in his chair.

Daisy glared at Sam, but still acquiesced, transferring the images to the large screen on the wall. Everyone watched as Daisy slowed down the footage, going through it frame by frame. What looked like a strange explosion in the video looked more akin to the Dark Bifrost touching down, followed by red, blue, and green smoke enveloping Tony and the silhouette of two others. No one had to be told who it was or what they were witnessing. His tricks and his magic were outright exhausting, his mischief menacing. They all hoped there would be a way of reversing this spell without having to deal with the God of Mischief.

“I guess we need Thor’s help,” Carol’s suggestion came without enthusiasm, or much hope. The Odinson had become unworthy, and the identity of the woman who now wields Mjölnir remains a mystery. To most.

Bucky finally found his smile, his eyes glancing over at Sam. The way everyone else was behaving suggested they had no idea about the crush Sam harboured, or the fondness Lady Thor held for him. Perhaps they were keeping their dalliance private. Maybe Sam was embarrassed. It didn’t really matter to Bucky, he owed Sam after that flight.

“Hey, Sam, aren’t you rather…close to Thor? Maybe you should call her for more than just a booty call.”

TAGS: @oneshot-shit; @marvel-ash; @bovaria; @hymnofthevalkyries; @archangel-trauma; @bionic-buckyb; @lostinspace33; @bucky-plums-barnes; @lauisspntrash; @marvel-fanfiction

[salarta]

X-Men Blue #11 Thoughts

It’s that time again. I’m going broader this time. Saying thoughts about the book as a whole too.

In all honesty, I’m pretty bored with the book. The primary reason I read it is because Polaris is on it.

There’s just flat out too much emphasis on alternate universe characters. Way, way, way too much. Bunn takes extra time to explain who these characters are this time, but it doesn’t really matter. Most people are going to think there’s no real point cause they aren’t going to matter after Blue. Just look at the three AU mutants that showed up on All-New X-Factor #2, as part of Quicksilver’s story. If they’ve been up to anything since 2014, I have no idea what it even is.

In the hierarchy of comic book characters, AU characters are considered pointless unless you’re really deeply committed to a specific character. They’re not the “real,” 616 versions of these characters.They’re going to go away and be completely irrelevant some day. Rachel Grey/Summers works because she’s the child of two core X-Men, there’s no 616 counterpart to her, and she was one of the early ones. Characters like this Colossus knight, Blood Storm and Jimmy don’t have that.

AU characters work for brief arcs. They work for entirely self-contained stories. They don’t work as the core theme of a committed ongoing book. They’re a pretty good example of the pitfalls of being a hardcore fan and making comics. Things you geek about may be things casual readers don‘t really care about.

It also pisses off a LOT of people who are fans of characters that aren’t getting used. All these storylines about AU characters are storylines that COULD have been traded for ones featuring characters that are largely ignored. As a Polaris fan, if she wasn’t being used in any comics and this was happening, I’d be absolutely pissed. I’d be pointing at X-Men Blue as evidence of Marvel being so awful that they think even temporary AU characters are more deserving of use.

If this looks in any way like an attack on X-Men Blue, then I just want to emphasize that’s not my intent. I’m just trying to explain what a lot of fans must be thinking and feeling even if they don’t outright say it. The first step to making sure things work out well is to know where a problem is so it can be fixed.

I also generally get the feeling Bunn is uncomfortable with the fluffy happy teen O5. I get the feeling he’s more comfortable with dark, rough, edgy characters and storylines, and he’s trying to bring more of that into the book cause it’s his natural element.

This isn’t a dig on him. All writers are more comfortable with some scenarios than others. It’s why a lot of writers fall back into old habits of how to treat characters, what storylines they pursue, etc. Bunn’s comfort area is dark and rough stuff. There’s nothing wrong with having a comfort area. But it does mean doing stuff outside it is more difficult, and there’s a tendency to try to bring in comfortable stuff to make it easier.

On to other things.

The Edgar Rice Burroughs reference is both good and bad. It’s a reference that makes sense for Jean Grey to make given her original time period. I get the impression Bunn is having fun with the writing there, and that’s always a good thing. On the other hand, it’s a reference most people aren’t going to catch. I actually had to look up who Edgar Rice Burroughs is to understand the reference, and I think I’m atypical in a willingness to do that. This is a case where I think a different reference, even if it was a modern one, would’ve worked better.

Jean Grey showing more variety with her powers is good here, between hallucinations and the TK bumpers. I know some people have complained about her not being creative enough with her powers. This issue showed she can do more than telepathy and throwing things around.

On that note, would just like to note as a Polaris fan that Lorna could do the same things if Marvel was willing to acknowledge the full extent of what can be done with electromagnetism. Just throwing that out there.

The line “lemonade from lemons.” Entirely personal thought horning in, I would’ve liked ‘demonade from demons’ more. There’s nothing wrong with the original line. It’s perfectly fine. I just felt it could’ve used some playfulness.

Also, Jean asking Scott what’s wrong toward the end. This is probably nitpicking. I know Jean explains about how they need to make mental partitions and all, and reading between the lines, I’m sure this was a sign of Jean setting one up to avoid picking up Scott’s thoughts. It still irked me and felt like she should’ve known anyway.

Now for a couple Polaris-specific things.

The vents (or whatever the word is) they’re in, I feel Lorna in particular has much more that she’d contribute to it given how much loss and pain she’s endured. In all honesty, I doubt that will be acknowledged. Everyone at Marvel likes to pretend she’s a white as snow Xavier type that’s never endured any trauma or suffering. I don’t know if it’s executive/editorial mandate (probably is) to ignore the core of who Lorna is, or if it’s various creative types doing it, but it’s annoying and I don’t expect it to change here. It’d be really nice for things to work otherwise.

As far as Lorna (and Magneto, and Danger) having been beaten by Madelyne Pryor and them, it’s fine here. Nothing wrong with characters getting beaten by other characters, and I appreciate that it happened off panel so there’s no arguments about it. But, general warning: Polaris (and the others, really) being beaten like this should be rare. Do it too much and it not only makes a mockery of the characters, but for this book, it raises the question of how they can even pretend to be in a position to mentor/teach the O5. Jean and Cyclops at least got out alive, after all. What do they have to teach the O5 if they can’t protect themselves and need rescuing all the time?

Lastly, Blood Storm. I'll just get it out in the open: I know she’ll be sticking around. I hope Bunn is better about having Polaris and any version of Storm on the same team/book together than Claremont was. I’m a lot more open to Storm and Lorna interaction than with Havok. I’m willing to give it a shot cause the hate-a-thon got dropped after Claremont left, and more emphasis was put on Storm’s value in her own right than in tearing down Lorna to do it. But, I’m still cautious on this point.

All I’ve got to say for now.

[salarta]

Okay. fuck it. I’m done playing nice.

Since 2015, @marvelentertainment​ has excluded 616 Polaris from everything. They’ve proven me 100% correct about why they gave her so much attention during Secret Wars: they fully intended to throw her away despite massive interest in her that kept managing to overcome every bit of undermining and sabotage done against her by the company.

Which is probably spearheaded primarily by Brevoort. He’s the one who has such a hate-on for her that he had her excluded from Children’s Crusade, Avengers vs X-Men, and Axis. He’s the guy that made up bullshit excuses about how Polaris couldn’t be Magneto’s daughter because of “genetics breeding true” and claimed she couldn’t be in Avengers vs X-Men because it’s “only for A-listers and B-listers.” He’s the guy who tried to replace Enchantress with Polaris during Axis, and tried to replace her as a sister to Scarlet Witch and Quicksilver with Luminous post-Axis.

He has a history, is what I’m saying. And he’s the only person at Marvel who would be so spiteful and hateful of Lorna’s potential that he would go out of the way to make sure she’s excluded from Generations.

He’s the only person involved in Secret Empire who would have an agenda of involving Enchantress but leaving out Polaris.

As senior vice president of publishing at Marvel, Brevoort has the power to demand that she not be used while promoting characters like Agent Brand in stuff like this.

I’ve avoided specifically naming him for the past couple years, while complaining about his past actions and attitudes, for a couple reasons. I didn’t want to risk people harassing him, since nobody should be harassed (and I stick by that even as I write this; it’s why I didn’t tag him, but tagged the company because it’s a company and not a person). I also figured he could change his mind, and it would be unfair to hold the past against him if he’s open-minded.

But I’m done with that. For one thing, if he does happen to get harassment? He gets it already. He expects it. He probably gets turned on by it, judging by how gleefully he’s touted the idea of causing “controversy” to boost sales.

And by “controversy” I mean this is the same guy that 1) loved having Havok try to tear down the X-Men franchise’s entire reason for existing on one of his Avengers books, and 2) serves as key editor of the whole “Captain America was a Hydra spy all along” storyline.

For another: it’s clear he’s never going to change his mind about Polaris.

Brevoort is stuck in his ways. He’s stuck in the mindset of someone that absolutely refuses to see what Polaris has to offer. He’s someone who will go out of his way to try to destroy good things or make sure they’re never pursued all for the sake of his personal vendettas and interests.

I thought back during Secret Wars that maybe, just maybe, he was finally open to exploring Polaris and how she could benefit Marvel as a whole and her family (Scarlet Witch, Quicksilver, Magneto, etc) specifically.

But that’s not the case. He’s stubborn and blind to what could be, and absolutely giddy at the merest thought of ensuring the potential fans see in something he doesn’t respect never gets realized.

Will I regret writing this? Yes. Not because of retaliation from Brevoort which I’m sure he’s already mapping out in his head, but because once the rush of righteous anger washes out, I feel bad for these sort of rants. Which happens no matter who I’m talking about or what the topic is. At the end of the day, I’ll even feel terrible for Donald Trump because some part of me wants to believe there’s a good person somewhere lost in there.

But if there’s one thing I’ve learned over the past year, it’s that empathy is both a strength and a weakness. People who have no respect for empathy will exploit it whenever possible.

And as long as I’m writing this fuckhuge rant, let me point out something else.

http://jordandwhiteqna.tumblr.com/post/156136090325/marvels-whole-policy-of-creating-comics-to-make

http://jordandwhiteqna.tumblr.com/post/155488877525/looks-like-marvel-annoyed-their-fan-base-one-time

These were both reblogged by Brevoort.

The logic behind both of these posts is: “pissing people off boosts sales.” The first one uses the argument that it’s why Marvel outsells DC. The second one claims that Marvel doesn’t set out to piss people off, only tell interesting stories, but if they happen to piss people off, it only helps.

This is wrong. They want it to be right, but that’s not the case.

They sell better than DC because 1) they’re better at marketing to make the potential of what they have look more appealing (something DC is failing to do), and 2) DC largely sucks ass lately. For all my complaints about Marvel, even I can admit that Kamala Khan as Ms. Marvel, Jane as Thor, etc are all interesting (even if it looks like I’ll never read any of it because Marvel hates Polaris, and by extension me personally).

DC’s got virtually nothing. They have an overused Batman, a completely messed up “Harley Quinn,” a Superman they’ve gone out of the way to treat like shit since Man of Steel, and a Wonder Woman they’re begrudgingly letting have a film only because they realized Marvel getting Captain Marvel up first would look bad for DC. The two most high profile things DC has anywhere are Arkham games (which are done) and the Supergirl TV show. Arguably, you could say the Injustice games are a third.

I say all of this as someone who was exclusively a DC person until I discovered Polaris existed, and grew up wondering what the hell anyone could see in Marvel.

More importantly, they’re mistaking a sales boost due to more attention for sales boost due to pissing people off, and they’re assuming all ways to piss people off are created equal.

Comic books generally start from a base of nobody knowing anything about them, and nobody giving enough of a shit to drive out to get one or even buy a digital copy online. Pissing people off gets them engaged enough to look deeper and find out what a comic book is about. That’s it. That’s all it is. You can do that without pissing people off, and the success of Kamala Khan as Ms. Marvel proves that.

In other words: Marvel is being stupid with this attitude. Every case of doing something to piss people off risks those people refusing to touch Marvel products.

Don’t believe me? Look at what's been happening with the #GrabYourWallet campaign against Trump and Breitbart. Companies aren’t dropping Trump and Breitbart for the fun of it. They’re doing it because Trump and Breitbart have pissed off way too many people.

But, then again, Marvel is a company controlled by Ike Perlmutter, who happily endorsed Trump and had hopes of getting a position from him. So who knows if the broader company ethos even has the capability of real assessment of what is and isn’t possible.

Aaaand I’m actually done this time. Rant over. This is where someone comes in to attack me for the rant because they haven’t seen what I’ve seen and don’t understand why 8 years of dealing with Marvel’s constant refusal to truly support Polaris after literal decades of refusing to support her can result in my current attitude. Enjoy this new bit of rage porn if you see it, Brevoort.