#norozogaan

[brownstonearmy]

2021-10-24: The Final Showdown (Part 1)

Sunday September 27 (early afternoon)

Guess who's back from the Nine Hells! That's right, it's your favorite party of adventurers; the real-deal heroes of Brownstone. They come back to town with an entire flock of sheep following behind Lucky. No, we're not calling the other adventurers sheep; they're actual sheep that were summoned by Lucky's wild magic and also they serve as a convenient narrative device indicating that "An Amount Of Time Has Passed." The town is now a scene of destruction and devastation.

Everything is covered in poop that seems seems to be growing and crawling before their very eyes. The Montclare River is now a solid putrid brown. Oh, and the sky is darkening because it's time for the eclipse! As the moon blocks out the sunlight, a blast of necromantic energy radiates through the portal. Looks like someone left the oven on, and it's time for our beloved adventurers to do some heroics to stop the world from burning down!

We jump forward in time a bit with a travel montage. Helicopter shots of the party trekking single file up the mountain, close-ups showing the grim determination on our party's faces. A rousing orchestral score plays in the background, so you know it's epic. And now they go through the portal to their final conflict, where combat has already started?

Already started? Yep! The B-Team is here (plus Anaxilas), waging war against a horde of demons as best they can. The necromantic energy that spilled out of the portal during the eclipse has the same feel as the energy throbbing through the crystal above the tumorous growth in the center of the bowelarium.

Q has one last thing they need to take care of before their untimely demise: change their name one last time. For this most climactic of battles, Q discloses to the party their real name: Jamie Mellerel. Related out-of-character note: the player behind Q/Jamie had established this secret at the very beginning of the campaign and kept this secret for literally the entire campaign specifically for this moment. That's some dedication!

Anyway, Jamie casts true strike on Norozogaan to learn of its defenses and weaknesses, because now is not the time to be taking chances and accidentally healing this demon lord of filth by attacking with the wrong damage type. Speaking of filth... Did you know that the word "filth" is really hard for me to spell today? Because I have literally misspelled it as "filfth" or "filf" every time I have written the word.

But yeah, y'all are here for the combat play by play, not my humorous misspellings. So let's cut to Luck blasting a chaos bolt across the map to protect Hilaria from a mob of maw demons. The damage was going to be acid at first, but it turned into pure force that accelerated the mass of the affected maw demons until they exploded, particle-accelerator style.

Norozogaan has morphed into a what appears to be five separate pseudopods that can move independently of each other. Tweazle busts out the his gift from Asmodeus received for his compassion to the Lord of the Nine Hells: that scroll of Meteor Swarm. Big ol' flaming balls of fire rain down on the floating crystal and the mobs of demons encroaching on the B-team, and finishes off his turn by launching a magic arrow into one of the pseudopods. One of the meteor blasts knocks Anaxilas off a narrow ledge and flings him into corrosive bile at the bottom of the tumor's pit. Das Cornelius (yep, we still got all the Cornelius clones in the fight) smashes his warhammer into the hordes of maw demons. "I am zee popcorn!" he yells as the maw demons explode into viscera.

Norm straps on the wings of flying to rescue Anaxilas, but is hit mid-flight with one of Norozogaan's corrupting acid lashes. Two large tusks suddenly grow from Norm's mouth. The pseudopods merge together and form the version of Norozogaan that the B-team was fighting earlier. Yula unloads on some of the demons with Eldritch Blast, sending one of them toppling over the edge into the river of bile. Die and Deuce Cornelius augment their warhammers with magical effects to lay the hurt on the demons. Lightning Lure even got a moment to tug one of those fiendish creatures to a corrosive death in the pit.

Spleenifer casts Find Greater Steed and Tony Bear Androgen the Pegasus appears. It's time to fly! Meanwhile, Hilaria is running up the slippery stone steps from the lower portions of the bowelarium. She slashes one of the demons in half with her mighty sword before throwing axes at some other nearby demons. Three demons are slaughtered by thrown axes before she even passes by, one demon for every axe thrown.

Norozogaan belches forth a bile blast at Tony Bear in flight, but the attack misses. Large flying ants begin climbing out of cracks in the ground. They zip through the air and then each of the ants lets loose the most heinous fart imaginable. The air quality gets worse in the bowelarium and our heroes have to make a concerted effort to keep fighting in spite of the stink. In case you were wondering, these little buggers are called Flatulants, and yes, I made up and statted a new enemy specifically for that joke.

Jamie absolutely obliterates Norozogaan with vicious mockery, proving once again that words can hurt. Anaxilas climbs the tumor and shoves the floating crystal away. Anaxilas believes the crystal can focus energy that can directly harm Norozogaan's essence, but he's going to need help getting the crystal into position. Lucky teleports herself, Jamie, Tony Bear, and Spleenifer to grab a grab the decanter of endless water and get to safety. She's got a plan, and it's about to go down. Tweazle is sickened by the stench, but manages to summon a water elemental and fend off some more of the maw demons. Melboarne enters the fray behind Tweazle and provides Pumbaa-style combat assistance. Das Cornelius and one of the Minimum Bidets toss a winch down to help lift the crystal out of the pit. Norm slips Anaxilas a potion of growth (no, not that kind of potion) and Anaxilas hulks out. Yula tries to magically hold a monster, but the aura of filth (I MISSPELLED IT AGAIN!) gets the better of Yula's casting. Tony Bear Androgeno and Spleenifer go on an aerial offensive against Norozogaan, and Deuce Cornelius slaps a warding bond on Spleenifer to make sure she doesn't suffer from any ill effects from her mount's extended warranty being expired.

The stench emanating from Norozogaan is overwhelming this close up, and even though Spleenifer has a certain tolerance for stinky things, she's dangerously close to blowing chunks. Lucky's luck rubbed off on her, though, and a flash of genius from one of the other Cornelii kept Spleenifer safe long enough to unleash a divine smite on the foul creature that is Norozogaan. The smack does damage, but Norozogaan is able to mostly shake it off and retaliates with a warping acid lash against Yula.

Yula ends up sprouting a pair of wings and gains a flying speed. But you wanna know the even weirder part about those wings? They're both feathery and leathery. In the sense that all the feathers on the wings are actually made of pieces of feather-shaped leather. Sorry, going off on cool tangents again. Anyway, Hilaria is still cleaving her way through demons to reunite with Lucky. You'd think those demons would learn by now to not mess with the lady carrying the sword and axes, but alas, the educational opportunities for demons appear to be less than adequate when it comes to addressing those concepts. More Flatulants emerge from the ground and fart, poisoning the air further. It's getting almost to the point of suffocation here, but it doesn't seem to bother Norozogaan. The demon lashes out a lot, but ultimately whiffs all of the attacks. Lucky activates The Plan.

She triggers a wild magic surge that grants her +1 temporary hit points and puts an arrow over Lucky's head that always points to the left, then casts Time Stop. Now she's got time stopped for three turns. She casts wall of stone to make a wide and flat bridge that covers up the holes the Flatulants are coming out of, unstoppers the decanter of endless water and sets it to Geyser Mode aimed at some of the precariously-positioned trash mobs, and finally casts Mass Suggestion on all the remaining enemies with the command phrase "Clean up." All the remaining minions start tidying up, because a clean bowelarium is a happy bowelarium. Or something.

Tweazle unleashes a steel wind strike, zipping around the map like a gosh-danged anime ninja and slashes through a whole bunch of enemies. Melboarne charges at one of the demons and kills it, but Norozogaan is still standing and unaffected by the suggestion. How will they defeat the demon lord? Stay tuned next time for the thrilling conclusion!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-10-17: The B-Team Tactical Strike

Sunday September 27 (midmorning)

The B-Team is back in action on the day of the eclipse that is foretold to herald the rise of Norozogaan. Hilaria, Yula and Cornelius are present and accounted for, though Cornelius is more present and accounted for than the other two members of the party. You see, Cornelius went to Miss Mavis for a little magical recuperation from the corn curse, but it turned out to be something that was slightly beyond the abilities of the stalwart proprietor of Antiquities and Iniquities. Cornelius ended up split into three different versions of himself, all corn-based. So we've got three Corneliuses (Cornelii?) in the party today. To keep track of them, they adopted different prefixes to names: Das, Deuce, and Die (rhymes with 'spree'). As a consequence of Multiple Cornelius Syndrome, Maximum Bidet was scavenged for parts and now there are three smaller porcelain golems, each named Minimum Bidet.

But I digress! While the party is trying to rustle up some allies, Barry Astorio shows up outside SHART HQ. He tells the party that he's been living a lie and that he wishes to redeem himself by being on the right side of history for once. Barry Astorio confesses to being Anaxilas in disguise, and even takes off his shirt to prove his point. The party feigns surprise at this plot development as Anaxilas announces a plan to enter through the portal to Norozogaan's lair and defeat the foul demon or die trying. And since the party is made up of some relatively potent warriors who have not succumbed to the stupid juice, he asks the party for assistance in this mission that they almost assuredly won't come back from.

It is decided that the party will help Anaxilas in his quest, though Yula's help is contingent on being able to book a romantic evening with Norbert, Anaxilas's husband. It's not exactly the kind of terms he was hoping for, though the possibility of success is remote enough that he agrees to not stand in the way of Yula's advances should the party succeeds. Anaxilas refuses to consent on Norbert's behalf, because well... That just opens up a whole 'nother can of worms about relationship topics that we won't touch on here. But the deal is reached, pending Norbert's future consent for "companionship" with Yula. The rest of the party is fine with material wealth and stuff as a reward, you know, as adventurers are apt to do.

The party will reconvene in an hour to say farewells, get final affairs in order, and also buy adventuring gear. Hilaria makes some sensible preparations for combat readiness like sharpening blades and Yula does nothing for the hour because other people will probably take care of all those pesky details that servants are hired for. The Cornelii tinker with their machines and have an extended debate about the likely reproductive behaviors of corn-based Cornelii. They eventually determine that the most likely method of Cornelius reproduction is asexually via corn stalks (don't question their wisdom, please, because they will draw charts and diagrams and you do not want to see the cross-section of an intranodal germination meniscus).

Once the preparations are complete, everyone sets out for the pass in the mountains that look like a butt: Mount Mensdover and Mount Densmover. The gnomes named the mountains as a prank to make the surface-dwellers sound silly and confused, so the sooner we all accept that, the sooner we can get on the road. Got it? Good.

The journey to the mountain is uneventful, though as the party nears the base of the mountains, some sort of encampment is spotted. Yula flies into the sky to investigate because walking is for weak people and people who can't afford to be carried. The flight reveals some unpleasant reconnaissance: five fiends are readying catapults full of filth, and the mountain streams that normally flow into the Montclare River appear to be dammed and polluted with stuff that's probably not Ovaltine. But Yula's presence in the sky is soon detected, and the devil is hit by a filthy payload from one of the catapults.

Deuce Cornelius casts warding bond on all his fellow corns and prepares for battle. Yula understands some of the shouting from the fiends at the catapult, and they're shouting "unleash the dam!" in Abyssal. This information gets relayed to the party in languages that the rest of the members can actually understand. The stream is loosed from its confinements and a torrent of disgusting liquid races toward the party.

Hilaria grabs a nearby boulder and braces herself behind it, diverting the stream around the boulder. The Cornelii collaborate together as only magical corn clones can and use their respective flashes of genius to help the other corns avoid a terrible fate in the filthy water. Deuce Cornelius also casts an aura of vitality around Yula to take some of the sting off the catapult hit, and readies Longstrider to cast on himself, Hilaria, and Yula.

From Hilaria's vantage point behind the boulder she yells to the demons "COME DOWN HERE AND FIGHT ME HONORABLY!" And Hilaria's skill at taunting combatants in the gladiatorial ring comes in handy, because one of those demons rushes down the mountain and lunges at her with its gross and abominable turdy claws. Hilaria responds to the threat with a swing of her mighty sword. "My claws are bigger," she says as she cleaves into the demon.

Das Cornelius is lagging behind on the ascent, but he mounts Minimum Bidet and casts Jump on it, allowing him to ascend the mountain quickly. As soon as the party reaches melee range for the demon encampment, two of the demons jump into the portal to warn whatever is on the other side. Die Cornelius casts Lightning Lure and drags one of the fiends toward him, while Yula blasts out an upcast Scorching Ray that sends six rays at the demons.

Anaxilas manages to kill one of the demons, but one of the shadow tendrils guarding to portal slams into the ground and knocking Anaxilas prone. One of the other demons manages to grapple Yula in its turdy tail, but Die Cornelius uses Booming Blade to kill the grappler. Hilaria attacks one of the tendrils, but that only seems to make it angrier. It starts flailing its tendrils around, trying to grapple anything that it can. The Cornelii collective deploy their respective Minimum Bidets in the tendril attack to draw some of the fire away from the party. Die Cornelius and Anaxilas are pulled into the portal by the tendrils. Deuce Cornelius pops off a bunch of corn kernels from his body and summons a barrage against the opponents. In a show of corn-solidarity, Das Cornelius yells "Von Tinkelvasser!" and runs into the portal. Deuce Cornelius follows on his Minimum Bidet moments later. Hilaria is the last one to enter the portal, doing so only after making sure everything is suitably dead.

On the other side of the portal is the foul lair of Norozogaan: the Bowelarium. It has all the decorative sensibilities of a cancerous colon but none of the charm. The smell's so bad in here that it's hard to breathe. Norozogaan is taunting the party while a giant crystal of some kind floats above a tumorous growth the size of a house.

Norozogaan attempts to cast Imprison Deuce, but the Cornelii are looking out for each other. Die Cornelius prevents it with his flash of insight, while Das Cornelius uses grease to knock Norozogaan prone. The two fiends that made it through the portal sense an opportunity to strike. One attacks Hilaria, but her heavy armor negates all the damage from its strikes. Deuce and Die use warhammers on Norozogaan and the other fiends to wear the enemy down. It is when Hilaria cleaves the last fiend in twain that things take a turn for the EXTRA DRAMATIC. That ugly demon lord announces that the party isn't even facing Norozogaan's true form, and we end on a cliffhanger! How will these heroic adventurers survive? Or will they perish in the attempt? Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-09-11: The Devil You Know (Part 3)

Sunday Sept 20 (evening)

After getting launched down the well, Lucky gets separated from the party while everyone is traveling constantly-changing River Styx. The rest of the party is picked up by a patrol boat from the Nessus Department of Customs, Security, and Taxation and dropped off at the border office. A huge devil named Doyle is working on paperwork for the day's confiscation reports, and asks the party to remain behind a line on the floor while conducting business. The party tries to tell Doyle that they have an appointment with Asmodeus, but the name the appointment is under is not recorded properly in the logbooks. Eventually it is discovered that the appointment was booked under SHART's contact information at 1-800-SHARTED.

"What business do you have with Asmodeus?" the devil asks.

The short version is that they are to deliver a beverage befitting a king, and also helping alleviate some of that damnable constipation. Doyle wonders aloud why he shouldn't just kill everyone and take the loot to Asmodeus himself and potentially earn a promotion instead.

Razzle attempts to intimidate Doyle with their didgeriboop, but fiend is not swayed. Not a bit. Tweazle attempts to put a toe over the line, but Doyle readies a fireball in response and Tweazle's toe goes straight back to the right side of the line.

Spleenifer attempts to bribe Doyle for safe passage with be mentioning that they are in possession of a powerful intoxicant that they would be willing to part with. The intoxicant in question is actually just one of Spleenifer's tithes, and not a drug at all. Doyle calls her bluff and asks her to demonstrate the intoxicating qualities of the substance. Spleenifer jams a stinky finger up her nose, but doesn't manage to pull off the ruse successfully.

Razzle interjects and mentions that there is a whole ritual that goes with the drug and that Spleenifer was too blunt in the endeavor. They position Spleenifer's stinky finger below Razzle's nose and waft it like a fine wine. Razzle manages to keep lunch down long enough begin the actual deception. They lay it on thick, acting properly intoxicated.

Doyle's impressed at the possibilities such a narcotic possesses, and is willing to allow the party to pass through safely. Provided that they give up a few more hits of that precious drug. And some gold, too. The party contributes 3 gold and a single copper piece with the explanation that all of the money got spent on the drugs. Doyle gives them the side-eye, but allows them to pass through the portal to Asmodeus's chamber.

The portal strips the party of their iceberg appearance and deposits everyone in a luxurious infirmary. There are fountains and greenery and quality marble everywhere, but only one of the many beds is occupied. Asmodeus is writhing on his back in pain with a horribly distended belly, and Tweazle steps forward to drop the whole mug (yes, including the mug itself) into Asmodeus's open mouth.

Something starts moving inside Asmodeus's engorged belly. Asmodeus howls in agony, and Spleenifer readies her staff with Banishing Smite. The divine energy of Lathander channeled through the staff forces the foul blockage out onto the floor.

A pulsating umbilical cord of sorts is still connected to Asmodeus, and the horse-sized pile of poop begins to form a disgusting face. Moments later, the pile begins to speak in a horrible gurgle. It announces that it is to be called Assmadeuce and declares itself to be the child of Norozogaan, the demon lord of filth.

Naturally, combat begins in earnest at this point. Razzle tosses out some sweet jams to boost morale, which allows Spleenifer to continue her smiting. Tweazle narrowly avoids getting blasted by Assmadeuce's bile attack, and strikes back with a lightning arrow that severs the umbilical cord between Assmadeuce and Asmodeus. A putrid man-sized nugget of fecal ferocity emerges from where the umbilical was severed.

Assmadeuce unleashes a flesh-warping attack against Tweazle, Melboarne, and the elephant. Once the damage kicks in, the elephant gets wings and takes to the air, Melboarne's legs become different lengths, and Tweazle gets darkvision. Moments later, Spleenifer gets charmed by Assmadeuce and makes her try to banish Razzle back to the Material Plane. But Razzle is able to avoid the effects of the banishment, so at least we're good on that front!

The elephant gets hit with a bile attack while it attempted to dive bomb Assmadeus, resulting in the death of the elephant. However, the elephant was directly over Assmadeuce when it died... Meaning a huge corpse from an elephant just fell from a height of 35 feet and nearly killed Assmadeuce.

More thunder damage finally destroys Assmadeuce, but it causes the nugget to split into two. Razzle uses Thunderwave and Vicious Mockery to destroy the nuggets. Due to the unfortunate placement of Tweazle's fire elemental, the exploding nuggets pass through the fire elemental and turn into a shower of flaming poop dust. Spleenifer manages to capture a sample in her holy book, though, so that's good.

Tweazle heals everyone, even Asmodeus. This gesture of benevolence results in Asmodeus gifting Tweazle a spell scroll of Meteor Swarm. The rest of the party is gifted with three special cards that can summon some of Hell's Infernal Generals to aid the party in their struggle. Asmodeus also gifts everyone in SHART (present or not) 10,000 platinum pieces.

Once the party gets a chance to rest, they will be sent up to Avernus, the topmost layer of the Nine Hells. There they must cross that realm and the Blood River to reach the Material Plane and eventually travel through the Shadow Spire to fight Norozogaan in the Abyss. If anyone can do it, it's gonna be these people!

Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-05-08: Two-Ply Terror (Part 3)

Monday August 31 (late afternoon)

If that cliffhanger from last adventure wasn't bad enough, things get a little worse for the party. Shortly after the mummy lord's spell, Lucky seems to disappear from existence! On top of that, there is a hunter stalking the catacombs, and he smells a familiar scent in the dank air.

That smell is Jay.

When the hunter investigates the commotion deeper in the catacombs, he reveals himself to Jay and Spleenifer with an explosive toss of his Ash Fang shamanic battleaxe. But the axe doesn't hit Jay or Spleenifer; it only hits the mummy lord. OH SNAP, THAT HUNTER IS GRIEG!

As Spleenifer raises her holy book to defend herself from the mummy's onslaught, the pages erupt with a torrent of Ogaan's School flyers and send the book rocketing into the wall at the other side of the room. The mummy lord retaliates by summoning a swarm of biting flies to harass the party.

The deluge of Ogaan's flyers isn't letting up. Just as Spleenifer gets her book back, an even more massive flood of pamphlets is coming down the hall from whence the party came. Jay is able to wound the mummy lord's pride with vicious mockery and thrusts a dagger into the wall to brace themselves against the percolating pile of pamphlets.

Grieg and Spleenifer buffet the mummy lord with axe and staff, but the mummy just continues to trace some sort of ritual sigil with five spokes on the floor. The mummy lord blinds both attackers with a dust storm long enough to finish the drawing. A massive wheel with five spokes rises from the ground, rolls over Grieg, and travels down the corridor Grieg emerged from.

Jay tries to stop the rush of the pamphlets by setting the paper on fire, but the unburned pamphlets at the back of the flood are pushing the flames toward the party. Time for everyone to get the heck outta here!

Grieg leaps to his feet and knocks the mummy to the ground. But the mummy turns into sand as the flood approaches. Everyone in the party flees, just barely avoiding getting crushed by the pamphlet flood. They emerge from the catacombs to a world quite different from the one they left.

It appears that they are in some sort of fort whose walls are wooden palisades. The sky is a glowing red, and the dense forest around the fort is burning. A twisting spire of vines (also on fire) is reaching impossibly high into the sky, trying to touch what appears to be a jagged rip in the sky.

Only Grieg seems unfazed by this development. "Welcome to Fort Bronston in the Ragewood," he says. But this introduction is cut short as a large structure begins throwing itself against the walls of the fort, splintering the wood until it gains entry to the inside of the fort.

The fort's chieftain, Silgra Skinflayer, rushes out to defend the fort from the interloper. In this case, the interloper is a house built atop a five huge legs made of gnarled and knobby tree roots. Silgra puts up a good fight, but she gets captured before the party can get close enough to help.

Aside from the stark visual differences in this harsh environment, the party starts picking up on lots of details that seem like they were lifted directly from the Brownstone they just left. There are mountains that look exactly like those back home, and a river bed running in the same route. Even most of the main streets follow the same route. This is not a Brownstone in the past or future, but a separate reality, the party realizes.

The party chases after the house, and catches a glimpse of who is controlling it. BIG SURPRISE; IT'S BRYNNAN. But Brynnan looks a little different, like his body has swelled up and his skin is now too tight.

Although the house's defenses are formidable, Spleenifer positions herself under the moving house and summons a steed above her into a space that just so happens to be inside the house. The unorthodox idea proves useful, and moments later, Silgra leaps out of the house on horseback.

Silgra is uninjured; the horse, less so.

Grieg climbs one of the house's legs during the commotion and gains entrance to the house. Brynnan responds to Grieg's axe-centric communication by banishing him back to a terrible place Grieg thought he had escaped: the city of Brownstone.

Not realizing the banishment is only for a moment, Grieg believes he is stuck in Brownstone forever. He lays down in the middle of the street to wait for death. Two mushrooms in police uniforms prod him to see if he is ready to be composted.

Back in Fort Bronston, Spleenifer, Jay, and Silgra are trying to stop Brynnan and his mobile home. Brynnan unleashes a mighty bellow from a ram's horn, causing the burning spire of vines to grow until it touches the rip in the sky.

The party has managed to track the house through the burning trees of the Ragewood, all the way to the burning spire.

When Grieg reappears, he calls to Mirage, his faithful wolf companion who is about the size of a pony, to ask her to help in the fight. Everyone is able to grab hold of a leg as the house begins to ascend the burning spire.

Silgra warns that if Brynnan is able to reach the rip in the sky, the Ragewood will be destroyed and the Brownstone reality will be one layer closer to destruction as Norozogaan gains power. Mirage is unable to maintain her footing on the moving roots and falls safely to the ground; and Jay is having trouble making progress up the ropes and roots to reach the house, but Silgra helps them up.

The battle against time and Brynnan is in full swing now. Spleenifer tries to crush Brynnan under the Wait Watcher, but Brynnan avoids it and retaliates with a Cone of Cold. With all this magical chaos happening, a certain magically-chaotic someone appears in the middle of the fight: AW YISS, IT'S LUCKY!

Cracks begin to form in the back wall of the house from where the Wait Watcher hit. Grieg enters his rage state with a high-pitched scream. Spleenifer recovers the Wait Watcher and readies another attack, while Jay shoves their dagger into the crack to further weaken the strength of the wall. Lucky uses Papercut to cut off Brynnan's belt, climbs out of the main room of the house and suggests everyone do the same.

Brynnan responds to Lucky's warning with a lightning bolt, but Lucky has a counterspell ready. The lightning bolt turns into a puppy, but of course there is also a wild magic surge involved. The puppy is actually possessed by a demon, but only has the powers of a regular puppy, so prepare your floors for a lot of piddles.

Once Lucky's turn rolls around again, she polymorphs the legs of the house into another puppy and now the house portion is in freefall. Lucky is able to take herself and Jay to the ground safely, while Spleenifer is able to catch a rope on the way down to stop a painful fall.

Grieg does nothing to stop his fall. He continues to scream with rage, hits the ground and bounces off, taking only half damage from the fall. This dude is literally too angry to die! And since Grieg didn't take an action yet, he opts to kill Brynnan with a terminal-velocity axe blow to the head.

Spleenifer attempts to collect her tithe, only to realize that Brynnan's insides were completely made of poop. He was a overstuffed fecal sausage, if you can tolerate the metaphor.

Lucky scoops up the demon puppy and names it Bolt for obvious reasons. Bolt is gonna be a great present for Hilaria!

Silgra, once she reaches the ground, offers to escort the party to Ft. Bronston's prayer stone and return to Brownstone anyone who wishes to do so. As those who stepped into the light return to Brownstone, our adventure concludes for the evening.

Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2020-03-06: The Money Pit

July 9 (Thursday evening)

After the attempted looting earlier in the day, something needs to be done to protect all the gold that doesn't fit in SHART's building. Lucky is watching over the pile of gold that's stuck outside, but all that money definitely needs to be relocated to a more secure location for long-term storage. But since it's evening time and all the banks are closed, Tyrik suggests that Norm and Q/Sparkle move the excess money into one of the emergency safe rooms located in the sewers. The safe rooms are protected by a wall of force enchantment that keeps out anyone who doesn't have a special passkey, and there's the fact that wandering through the sewers is generally pretty inconvenient, so that's another plus. Norm and Sparkle agree to the this plan, so Tyrik gives each of them a chest filled with 2,000 GP and sends the duo on their way.

Sparkle and Norm hoist the treasure chests down the nearest manhole and descend into the sewers. But the commotion of their entry attracts the interest of a mysterious stranger lurking in the darkness. She steps out of the shadows and introduces herself as Spleenifer Colognaise. She is a godly woman of Lathander whose proselytizing even includes the lowliest vermin of the world. Everything seems legit, so naturally, an adventuring party forms. Spleenifer is also strong and very tall, and when she sees Norm lugging about that heavy chest, she offers to help him with it and hoists it in the air. Norm keeps his grip on the money, but his feet are dangling in the air. He'd feel more comfortable holding the chest alone, and Spleenifer lets him down.

To the west of the entryway, there's a mud-covered passageway that appears to have the corpse of some poor soul lying face down in the middle of the floor. Norm goes to investigate the body, but steps on something in the mud. That something turns out to be a sleeping swarm of Mud Mephits, and they aren't too happy about being awoken. Norm slashes out at one of them with his dagger, but there's too much going on around him to make contact. Some of the mephits get their claws and teeth into Norm, but Sparkle blasts a hypnotic pattern at the swarm that incapacitates most of the enemies.

Spleenifer charges into to combat with her quarterstaff and smacks one of them. "You foul idolator!" she screams as the mephit explodes in a blast of viscous mud. Norm and Q slash and bonk most of the mephits into submission, but Spleenifer gets hit with a blast of mud and restrained. Norm helps her escape long enough to bash another mephit, but ends up frozen in place by the viscous mud again. Sparkle encounters the same fate, and Norm does his best to hold off the rest of the mephits as they awaken from their hypnotic stupor. A particularly gory shot from Norm's bow causes the surviving mephits to flee deeper into the sewers.

Once the situation is safe, Norm searches the body. It is unclear exactly how long the body has been there, but there is something unusual about the corpse: someone has carved the words "DON'T STEAL!" into the body's stomach, along with a smiling face with too many teeth. The body doesn't appear to have died from carving the words into the flesh. Who could have done such a thing, and for what purpose?

Norm also finds a note scrawled in the pocket of the corpse's trousers containing a sketch of the symbol that the party has seen a few times before and some sort of list. Here's what it says:

Wants to summon Norozogaan... Needs the following: 1. Norozogaan's Ring 2. God spark 3. Lennipur's Basin 4. The Portal 5.

Spleenifer performs her own investigation of the corpse's hindquarters and collects a small tithe from the corpse that she slams between the pages of her holy text. And by tithe, I mean poop. Who are we to judge matters of faith in this game?

Spleenifer marches down another hallway and notices two show-quality goats chained to the wall of the sewer. Norm and Sparkle lag behind and briefly reconsider their budding friendship with Spleenifer. As Spleenifer approaches the goats, she hears muttering and bickering from around a darkened corner. Clearly these fancy goats do not belong in the sewer! She calms the goats down and yanks the chains out of the wall with her righteous might, which is loud enough to attract the notice of whatever was around the corner.

A ratperson in tattered clothing wanders out and demands to know why his goats are being stolen. But one sniff of the deliciously-scented air coming off of Spleenifer's holy causes the ratperson to see this as an opportunity to bargain for some... romantic companionship. He introduces himself as Trashpit, the most powerful and handsome of the ratpeople. He takes Spleenifer on a tour of his squalid chambers, who is overcome with religious ferver at the chance to proselytize to such a stinky and lowly creature. Trashpit beckons Spleenifer to join him in his bedchambers (which is really just a pile of rags on the floor), but Spleenifer needs to freshen up first (or unfreshen, as the case may be).

Trashpit screams at his roommates to leave, and sets a chunk of luminous fungus in a bowl to set the mood for romance. We'll get back to this situation in a moment, but first we need to check in with Sparkle and Norm. Their experience working in the sewers has granted them the knowledge of the nearest safe room, which is somewhere to the southwest. The pair sneak past the entrance to the ratperson warren and witness Spleenifer giving a massage to Trashpit. Eye contact is avoided and the Norm and Sparkle press on toward the safe room without acknowledging the unfolding situation with Spleenifer.

Using their keypasses, Norm and Sparkle deactivate the wall of force that prevents access to the safe room and place their chests of treasure down. But there is a second entrance to the safe room on the opposite wall and there is a crude altar overlooking the entrance. A collection of ratfolk are watching Sparkle and Norm with joy in their hearts. The ratfolk cheer that the god of the underground has chosen someone worthy to enter the transitional area to the land of plenty.

Sparkle and Norm are confused, because there is isn't a gateway to any known promised land in this room. It's just a regular room protected by a wall of force. But the two eventually piece together that the rats can't get in to actually see what's in the room, so the ratfolk have made a cargo cult religion around this mysterious area. Sparkle doesn't want to completely destroy an entire religion with an offhanded remark, so Norm suggests that they take some of the emergency food from the safe room and go the long way around to deliver it to the ratfolk on the other side. That way, the mystery of the safe room is still intact!

Back in Trashpit's bedchamber, a halfing woman and a human male accidentally interrupt the sensual (for Trashpit, at least) massage. The pair had come to deliver a message, but avert their eyes and quickly excuse themselves to deliver their message to the less-indisposed ratfolk roommates. Spleenifer collects her odorous tithe from Trashpit, but she derives no joy from this ritual as she is a woman of great faith. Trashpit, on the other hand, is completely smitten. In addition to the fancy goats he stole, he also offers Spleenifer his favorite rock, which can somehow track time and change shape when you scream the magic word "GARGEN!" at it.

Norm and Sparkle make it to the other ratfolk, and are celebrated as heroes for bringing the ratfolk food from the promised land of abundance. But soon the mysterious human and halfling from earlier show up. The man chastises Sparkle and Norm for not staying out of their business, but notes that Sparkle and Norm might be useful for their coming plans. If someone from SHART would be so kind as to give them access to the staff-only section of the building, they would receive a hefty "finder's fee" for their trouble. Norm and Sparkle aren't interested, so the mysterious pair extend the same offer to the ratfolk, who gladly accept. The mysterious pair will return in two days' time to collect what has been promised. They walk back into the shadows and disappear down a dark hallway.

Sparkle and Norm leave to go check on Spleenifer. She's doing just fine, having just received all of Trashpit's material wealth. But everyone is properly clothed and no one except Trashpit acknowledges what just happened in this room.

"Please come back and visit me, tall person with nice hair," he pleads as the trio head back to the surface.

Back at SHART, Tyrik relieves Lucky of treasure guard duty and gives everyone present some loose coins as payment for their services, on the condition that they don't tell Dave about the payment. It's considerably more than their normal daily wages, so everyone agrees to keep things hush-hush.

Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-10-29: The Final Showdown (Part 2, Extra Final Extended Director’s Cut)

September 27 (post eclipse)

It's the final installment of the campaign, and we're picking up where we left off in the heated battle. Mobs of maw demons that were too far away for the mass suggestion to take effect are taking bites out of Hilaria and Die Cornelius. Norm, from his aerial vantage point bestowed by his wings of flying, activates the Cube of Force. He chooses the ability where no living matter can pass through the cube, because he also has a Secret Plan to help secure victory.

Yula's similarly flying around on his leathery-feathery wings, taking pot shots with their crossbow. Tony Bear Androgeno the pegasus, is also attacking while flying and misses an aerial trample. Spleenifer attempts to smite from on horseback, but also misses. What is up with everyone missing their attacks right now? Oh, it's the festering stink lingering in the air. Luckily, Die Cornelius avoids getting sickened long enough to use his trusty warhammer for some "percussive adjustments" on Norozogaan.

By now, Hilaria is almost reunited with Lucky, but there are still plenty more maw demons to cut down. She gets within throwing distance and hurls an axe into Norozogaan. Take that you, sickly sack of crap! Norozogaan leaps from the narrow passage the demon lord was cornered on but gets smited by Spleenifer's divine smite once becoming airborne. The demon lord lands on Lucky's stone bridge, but the weight is too much and part of the bridge cracks and falls away. The bridge is still traversable, though!

Tweazle's water elemental that he summoned earlier gets lashed by Norozogaan's pseudopods alongside Tony Androgeno and Hilaria. Norozogaan then splits back into several pseudopods that begin moving independently. A slipperly slime forms under the embiggened Anaxilas's feet and sends him dangling dangerously over the edge of a cliff, but the crystal is now in position to test Anaxilas's theory. Jamie casts Dancing Lights through the crystal, focusing the lights on Norozogaan. Surprise! The lowly utility cantrip known as Dancing Lights starts doing some damage and sizzling Norozogaan's flesh (or whatever passes for flesh on Norozogaan). Jamie celebrates their successful test by giving Anaxilas a little bardic inspiration in the form of a rousing song.

Lucky grabs the water elemental and thundersteps over to the cliff to help yank Anaxilas away from the danger zone of the cliff. Tweazle does another Steel Wind Strike and manages to slash every one of the pseudopods and a Flatulant. One more of Norozogaan's pseudopods is down for the count, as well as the flatulant. The air quality improves a tiny bit with the flatulant's demise. Lucky gets another wild magic surge that sees an invincible strip of toilet paper get affixed to her shoe. And also the toilet paper has echolocation powers, you know, like regular toilet paper does. Meanwhile the water elemental and Melboarne do their part to slap and stomp their way to victory.

The crystal needs to be stabilized again, but Das Cornelius is up for the challenge. The other Cornelii keep smashing the flatulants to keep improving the air quality. Norm puts the folding boat inside the cube of force and activates the small boat form. YOU BETTER BELIEVE THAT BOAT IS COMING OUT TO SOLVE ONE LAST PROBLEM! Anyway, Norm drops the cube/boat combo on two of the pseudopods lurking on the bridge. The extra weight from the boat hits the pseudopods like a very heavy tofu press, and leaves a big hole in the bridge as part of the bridge becomes impassable.

Spleenifer unleashes a destructive wave that nearly finishes off Norozogaan, setting things up for Hilaria. Hilaria slashes her way through the last pseudopod and is finally reunited with Lucky... Just as Norozogaan's layer of the abyss begins to collapse around the party. Everyone needs a way to get out fast, and Lucky has a clever solution to the problem. She casts banishment on the party, though there are so many people involved that she has to cast it twice. A toy boat now appears on top of the arrow that's pointing left above her head, and she ends up covered in soft, luxurious fur. Spleenifer ended up in the second batch of banishment, as she needed to grab a souvenir tithe before ending up back on the material plane.

There's someone waiting to greet the party upon their arrival back in Brownstone. It's a face that the party has never seen before, but the voice is familiar. Is that the toilet paper ghost... but as a dwarf? It is! The bearded dwarf introduces herself as Aeigh Albearda Brownstone, and she was the person responsible for Norozogaan's initial banishment. She made a deal with an arch devil to seal away Norozogaan and develop a sewer system capable of keeping the filth contained, but the terms of the bargain meant that no one would know her face or name as the one who saved the town as long as Norozogaan still existed (slumbering, rampaging, or banished to another plane, it didn't matter as long as Norozogaan existed somewhere). But since Norozogaan has been completely destroyed, the curse is no longer in effect. Aeigh thanks the heroes for their service and their ability to free her from a curse that was nearly impossible to end.

Elsewhere in the city, all the filth that was covering the streets is rapidly receding as it is drawn into the sewers built hundreds of years ago by Aeigh and her team. Everyone cheers as the heroes of Brownstone walk past. The townsfolk decide that Zaribeth is not fit to hold office because way more serious disasters befell the town during her administration, plus crime was up. Maybe they should ask "that other guy" to come back into office? At least he didn't destroy the town as much as the current mayor!

EPILOGUE TIME!

The heroes defeated the great evil that would lay waste to their world, but what happens now? We have so many loose ends to tie up! Don't worry, though, we're about to take care of a bunch of them with the magic of NARRATIVE STRUCTURE and also WISH FULFILLMENT! There's a lot here and a lot of time to cover, so we're just gonna make a big bulleted list for it.

All the Cornelii get together and are eventually merged into a single "normal" non-corn gnomish version of Cornelius (whatever that counts for).

Jamie hangs around Brownstone until their money and the dating pool runs out, then skips off to another place to earn some coin. They still come back for weddings, which will be important in a moment.

Spleenifer uses the Infernal Generals cards to summon Asmodeus's trusted generals. But instead of commanding them to fight and trick and betray, the generals are tasked with rebuilding Brownstone to peak health. Once the reconstruction is complete, she retires to her stables and has a grand gay duck wedding with an army of waddling groomsmen. She even breaks out a special magic spell to summon a spirit guardian for the occasion. At the wedding, Spleenifer tries alcohol for the first time and does a wicked lawnmower. She eventually becomes a pastor of the Church of Lathander and steals away all the members of the Reformed Church of the Dragon. Additionally, Stinky Calypso, the baby otyugh inhabiting Brother Clifton's outhouse grows up to become a psychic preacher in Spleenifer's church.

Lucky catches the bouquet at Spleenifer's duck wedding completely by accident when a drink gets knocked of Lucky's hand. Anyway, next thing you know, she and Hilaria get married and Spleenifer invites Trashpit to the wedding as her plus one.

Tweazle leaves town to find adventures elsewhere, but eventually returns when he realizes that the most adventuring he ever did was in and around Brownstone. Tweazle ends up married to Melboarne strictly for tax purposes, and Melboarne wears the wedding dress for the rest of her natural life.

Norm manages to collect the entire My Little Beholder collection and eventually meets the creator of the My Little Beholder franchise. The two of them hit it off, and they end up getting married on Norm's folding boat... On the water!

Anaxilas and Norbert have a fabulous gay wedding, though it's technically a renewal of vows since the original wedding had to be conducted in secret. Jamie has been spending a lot of time avoiding catching the bouquet at all the weddings they are attending, and Gigi Hardcastle is pretty conflicted about Anaxilas officially putting a ring on it because it might mean fewer flirty shirtless pictures for the rest of the fans.

Robin Stormblossom continues tending their farm and it grows to care for many more individuals, orphans and animal alike. Porkchop, the T-Rex living at the ranch, becomes a mother and hatches a bunch of baby T-Rexes. They all have -chop names like Lambchop, Karate Chop, Slapchop, and Muttonchop, and those heroes of Brownstone that pass Robin's adoption screening are allowed to adopt the little dinos. Elsewhere on the ranch, King Chonk the rotund raccoon finds an absolutely epic trash pile at Robin's ranch and lives in opulent comfort for the rest of his days.

Erky also has a wedding, and it's not to the stupid juice or the outhouse friend! They managed to patch things up with their love interest at the Brownstone Bugle.

Jangles' estate is settled and a "completely different, but related" person is declared to inherit the estate. Hooray, their magic shop can operate and/or explode openly again!

Curtis Hanover grows up to be a fine upstanding person who is free of a criminal record.

Nick Forrester (the stalker) becomes relegated to the coffee errand boy for the Muscle Mountain Anaxilas Fan Club.

Mayor Dungwall serves another term as mayor but eventually retires to the country to become a cattle farmer and rural sphere collector. Cornelius somehow succeeds Dungwall as mayor and Mayor von Tinkelwasser earns the distinction of being the town's most eventful mayor. Not in a good or bad way, just an eventful one, and that's saying something after the events of the previous few mayors.

Yula tries unsuccessfully to drag Tweazle back to the Nine Hells, and the attempt ends in a convoluted scheme where Tweazle manages to outsmart the rakshasa and Yula winds up married to an elephant.

We're not quite done with the weddings yet! There's still the people whose jobs are to keep the wedding running smoothly. The lizardfolk performed the catering for all these weddings and made enough money to buy The Hole, which is where Turalisoth first won the eating contest by consuming "The Hole Thing." Granny Agatha, everyone's favorite anarchist, baked all the wedding cakes, and her animated skeleton, Tandy, is able to live openly as the Special Ambassador for the Ethical Undead. Dave and Silas attended every one of these weddings, and awkwardly dad-danced together. It was a thing of a beauty and at least one tear was shed. Lastly, Miss Mavis Buchannan becomes famous for discovering a long-lasting type of wild magic surge that causes a weddings to happen. It's completely coincidental and not at all related to all the weddings that just happened. We think.

[brownstonearmy]

2021-10-03: The B-Team (Pt 1)

September 22 (Tuesday afternoon)

It's been a good while since the usual heroes of Brownstone have been seen. About four days, for those keeping count, and that's a long-ass time to be without heroes to save the town when there's a broken river, a stupid juice epidemic, and demon lord coming. Naturally, a few of the more capable townsfolk take on the task of protecting the town. This is the story of The B-Team.

Today's adventurers are Hilaria, the capable fighter from the Brownstone Fighters Guild; Robin Stormblossom, animal rescuer and proprietor of Stormblossom Ranch; and Yula, the deputy errand-runner Asmodeus put in charge slaying Norozogaan. Each of these individuals has managed to avoid serious contact with the stupid juice that's ravaging the town, and are thus still in control of their mental faculties.

Hilaria has ensured that the members of the fighters guild have had their weapons forcibly peace-bonded to prevent deadly fights from breaking out among the populace. It's also easier than it sounds, because just tying a string around weapons keeps nearly everyone from using the weapons to cause carnage.

The party then ventures to the Montclare River that has since had a giant hole ripped through its riverbed that goes all the way to the River Styx. Spirits and souls are periodically escaping from the underworld through the chasm in the river, and and fresh water from the Montclare River is unable to reach most of the town now because it's now flowing into the underworld. In order to solve both problems, the river's gonna have to get patched up somehow.

A collection of stupefied townsfolk have gathered at the river where water is still accessible and are having a nice drink while pretending to be animals. Well, it's less of a pretending and more of a "concept of personhood has been replaced with the notion of being a domesticated animal." One of the commoners puts his index fingers to his forehead like bull horns and charges another person, knocking the person into the river... the very same river that's about fall straight into the underworld.

Hilaria rigs up a lasso and wrangles the struggling soggy commoner, while Robin attempts to converse with these "animals" to resolve the aggressive behavior. Unfortunately, "Speak With Animals" doesn't quite work when the animal in question is actually a human. Robin still gets an earful from the bull, it's just "Moo, moo, MOOO!"

Robin's Speak With Animals spell was not wasted, though, as a nearby family of beavers (yes, actual beavers) was near enough to overhear. And those industrious beavers are a tad judgy.

"These folks are stupid," the head beaver says. "All these people are trying to eat the trees and the grass, and they don't even have the right teeth."

Yula is busy not listening to the blah-blah-blah of lesser people and just casts Charm on a whole bunch of the people on the riverbank. Several of the people believe they are cows, though there is at least one beaver-impersonator in the mix. Yula declares that the animals shall all be named Matthieu and stashed in the stables to deal with later.

The aggressive bull-person is stubborn enough that he avoids getting charmed. He puts his fingers up to his head and charges Robin this time. Robin stands their ground and avoids getting shoved by the full brunt of the bull-person's power (which, be fair, was pretty strong for a commoner).

Hilaria is the one who eventually cracks the problem with a little bait and switch. Everyone who goes back "home" to the stables will get an extra serving of Tingle Water AKA Stupid Juice. But when the bull-person suddenly charges toward the rest of the herd, Robin tries a lasso of their own to prevent injury to the other members of the herd.

Although the lasso secured the target, some of the rope got tangled around Robin. Now Robin's gotta run with the herd to avoid getting dragged behind. Robin tries to leap onto the bull-person's back as the herd begins to stampede back to the stables, but they don't quite make it and end up having to run awkwardly alongside the bull-person the rest of the way to the stables.

Once the stampede reaches the stable enclosure, one of the cow people unlatch the gate and then latch themselves back in the grazing pen. Robin is finally able to remove the lasso, but they also notice a person who is gnawing on the wooden railings of the enclosure. Hilaria tosses piece of cheese from her rations to the person to see if the person thinks they are a rat. When the cheese is ignored, the party determines that this is likely a beaver-person.

Robin distracts the beaver-person with stick while Hilaria wrestles them and shoves a fighter's mouth guard into the beaver-person's mouth to save their teeth from gnawing on wood. Now that the people hazards have been dealt with, it's time to work on fixing the chasm in the riverbed!

Speak With Animals is still active, so Robin talks shop with the beavers. The actual beavers have a sizable dam that is partially obstructing the river, but it would take several more weeks to build something that can actually stop the river. But you know what they say about projects like that... Just throw more beavers at the problem!

Giant Beavers (as an aside, we just used the giant badger stat block for this) get summoned with Conjure Animals to lay waste to the trees and block of the river. Water flowing through the dam is purified through the charcoal of a burned tree that was included in the dam, and the flow is reduced enough to set to work repairing the chasm.

More Giant Beavers are summoned, this time to burrow and pack earth into a scaffolding for a new riverbed. It takes a bit, but a scaffolding of dead trees and mud allows the party to cast a boatload of mending and mold earth spells to restore the riverbed to a functional state again.

The adventure concludes for the evening with the B-Team celebrating a hard-earned victory. Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-07-18: Careful What You Wish For (Part 2)

Wednesday September 9 (morning)

Before the day begins in earnest, it's time for a brief montage of how what our heroes are up to before beginning the work day!

When Norm checked in with Silas after his literal graveyard shift, Norm was handed a letter that stated his order of antiques was now on its way. Norm didn't remember ordering any antiques, and upon closer inspection of the letter, notices a little-known thieve's cipher that reveals an ominous message: "I know it was you." Unfortunately the handwriting of the letter was inconclusive for analysis, and the letter's author could potentially be anyone.

Let's shift over to Lucky and Hilaria now! After the murderous events of the harvest festival, Hilaria is getting a little worried about Lucky's safety because of this whole demon-trying-to-destroy-the-world-with-a-douchebag-wizard questline. Things have been getting noticeably more deadly lately. However, according to Lucky's math, an approximately equal amount of good things and bad things happen so statistically speaking, Lucky will probably be fine. Lucky does make a promise to Hilaria that she won't do anything to get herself killed, and that eases Hilaria's mind.

In a converted barn on the west side of town, Spleenifer has been listening to the tone-deaf serenades of Trashpit as he hangs out underneath her window at night. He has recently discovered a stinky river that is running underground through the bank vault and was hoping Spleenifer might accompany him down the tunnel of love for a little canoodling. Spleenifer does not understand why Trashpit is wanting to have pasta so badly on a river outing.

Lastly, we get to Q, who is going as Dazzle today. Last night and this morning, a translucent faceless figure has been haunting the outside of Dazzle's hostel. When Dazzle attempts to communicate with the spectre, it just responds with fart noises. Dazzle responds by casting Tongues and is able to comprehend the spirits words.

This particular spirit is A. Brownstone, the individual responsible for building Brownstone's sewer system and making sure that Norozogaan was disposed of 400 years ago. In order to do that, though, A. Brownstone had to make a bargain with a devil. The terms of that deal meant that A. Brownstone's true name would be lost to history, no one would remember their face, and no one could truly converse with Brownstone's spirit on the Material Plane because their responses would just sound like fart noises. Until recently, A. Brownstone's spirit was forced to manifest as a toilet paper ghost, but now the spirit is able to assume a vaguely dwarven form.

Dazzle makes plans to speak with A. Brownstone's spirit in the future because who knows what sort of advice they might be able to give. Good thinking!

Once everyone gets to SHART HQ, Dave informs the party that the usual work orders are postponed for today because someone else needs the party's assistance. After Dave has a brief bout of casual racism directed at gnomish names, the party learns that Brother Clifton needs their help to track down Curtis Hanover, an important orphan who escaped after yesterday's hostage situation. Bob the Modron and that gnome who Dave can't remember (Side note: the gnome was Bostvick Humplebumple) will take on the work orders in the party's absence.

The party is dismissed and now faces a choice: look for Curtis, or try the lead on the gang warehouse looking for Dion. Consensus comes quickly, and the party sets off for the orphanage to get some more information about Curtis and where he might be heading.

A sweaty Brother Clifton returns from a horse-mounted patrol the same time the party members arrive at the orphanage. Brother Clifton struggles to dismount from Horf's saddle, but eventually his feet make it to the ground. This isn't going to be a standard missing persons case, Brother Clifton warns, because Curtis Hanover has a backup potion of Polymorph just in case his cover gets compromised.

Curtis might look like someone completely different by now, but Brother Clifton provides the party with a rough sketch of what Curtis looked like at the orphanage. That's enough for Lucky to formulate a plan, and casts Seeming to make the party (and Brother Clifton) look like Curtis.

Now that there are five Curtis Hanovers of varying height hanging out, the party spreads out over a two-block area while remaining roughly within line of sight of each other. All that's left to do in Lucky's plan is to get kidnapped, and Lucky lays claim to the nearest dark alley close to the orphanage and innocently plays jacks.

It takes a bit of time (four hours, to be precise), but eventually a pair of scary-looking grown ups approach Norm-Curtis. Norm recognizes these people from their attire as being affiliated with the Brownstone City Runners gang, and makes a quick survey of the scene to check for additional potential assailants. The only other suspicious person he sees is a tattooed woman leaning around a corner and discreetly watching him and the gang members.

Norm-Curtis attempts to lure the bad guys out toward the city's athletic field. It takes a ludicrous amount of luck for this to work (THANK YOU, LUCKY!), but Norm is able to wander in the direction of the athletic field and goad the gang members into a walking-speed foot chase.

Lucky-Curtis, with her eyes on Norm-Curtis, also ambles stealthily in the direction of the athletic fields. Dazzle-Curtis follows Lucky, and Spleenifer-Curtis brings up the caboose of this train of followers. Norm-Curtis is aware of everyone except dazzle following him.

Once Norm-Curtis reaches the athletic field, he plays with an oblong-shaped ball he found on the ground. A vendor is setting up a booth to get ready for the "Pecans In The Park Party" (Tourism Side Note: It's not as big as the Harvest Festival, but still worth checking out; it's nuts!) and demands that Norm pay a copper piece for the ball if he's going to play with it. Norm pays up, and is now the proud owner of a pecan-shaped ball the size and approximate shape of an American football.

The rest of the party hasn't made it all the way to the athletic field yet, but Dazzle notices the tattooed woman. She is maintaining her own stealth, but teleporting to a new location every few moments to keep tabs on her quarry. Dazzle has seen this woman before and recognizes her immediately.

It's Rooney, one of Brynnan's wizard companions from Wentenbocker! She puts hands together and there's a small flash of light from the ring she's wearing as she casts a spell.

Spleenifer-Curtis is the first to hear the results of the spell. It's a low whistle that is getting louder by the second, and it smells like a dairy farm. It's a tornado coming straight for her, and it's made of poop! A literal shitstorm, if you will. Each of the party members in the stealth train is able to narrowly avoid what we can politely call an "induction ceremony" for the whirlwind.

The tornado is barreling down on Norm-Curtis and the City Runners goons. Rooney makes herself known and yells "Get away from my brother, you creeps!" as the tornado slices between Norm-Curtis and the goons. Rooney keeps the tornado chasing the goons until they flee the scene.

By this point, everyone aboard the Curtis Hanover Sneaking Train makes it to the athletic field and Rooney emerges to ask which one of the four party members is her real brother. With four separate people come four separate answers:

Spleenifer-Curtis turns around, faces backwards and blows a raspberry.

Norm-Curtis says "Sorry, you got the wrong one."

Lucky-Curtis has the lengthiest response: "Two of us always lie and one of us always tells the truth.  I will give you one chance to rephrase your question to me."

And Dazzle-Curtis spouts off some harsh truths: "That orphanage shit SUCKED."

Rooney is aware that this is some kind of magical shenanigan afoot, but the responses are childish enough that she is convinced that this is really just some of Curtis's friends trying to help keep him safe. But Rooney still doesn't know which of these individuals is her real brother, so she asks again.

Lucky-Curtis points at Norm-Curtis, you know... like a liar. But this untruth is a stroke of genius, because Norm knows a bit more about the real person who turned into Curtis Hanover as a result of being on the city's crime beat.

The party already knows that Curtis Hanover is the polymorphed child of Hjalmar Magnusson, and that Hjalmar is likely the leader of the Brownville Devil Boys gang. But Norm knows that Curtis's real name is Alex Thistle Magnusson, and that Alex Thistle Magnusson is nonbinary. Norm also knows enough other random details to bluff his way through the security questions Rooney asked Norm in order to prove that he was actually Curtis Hanover.

Additionally, Norm-Curtis is approximately the same size and weight of a human child, so Rooney continues to believe that Norm-Curtis is indeed her sibling. This is enough confirmation for Rooney to begin spilling the details of her plan.

Hjalmar is mixed up with some bad people, and Rooney is going to stop those bad people from hurting their father with the help of a powerful ring a wizard friend gave her. She gives Norm-Curtis a list of addresses to stay away from, one of which is already crossed out. Norm realizes that this was the same address that was destroyed yesterday. If Rooney's plan stays on schedule, it'll probably take 5 or 6 days to complete and then they'll be safe and Alex won't have to live as Curtis anymore.

Norm-Curtis explains that he's staying with some friends to stay safe and avoid being alone. Rooney gives Norm-Curtis a pin to wear so she can keep tabs on him, before teleporting away to complete her master plan.

One Rooney is out of earshot, Norm suggests that the party scout around the area to see if the commotion would have attracted Curtis to see what was going on. Lucky slips on a patch of tornado poop, accidentally kicks a pecan ball that ricochets off the side of the vendor's booth and hits Lucky in the side of the face in just such a way that she sees a person matching Curtis Hanover's description fleeing on the far edge of the athletic field.

Lucky-Curtis teleports in front of the real Curtis, triggering a wild magic surge upon materializing at her destination. A large stag beetle appears on her shoulder (large for a stag beetle, I mean).

Real Curtis is terrified that there are several other people who look just like him, and tries to flee away from Lucky. Lucky tackles him to the ground, where he pleads for his life. Lucky drops her Seeming spell and tells Curtis that they were hired by Brother Clifton to keep him safe.

After a quick check-up at Mom's medical tent, Curtis has a clean bill of health and Lucky introduces Curtis to the party. Norm gives Curtis the pin from Rooney, and Lucky accompanies Curtis to the nearby fighters guild to meet the fighters. Hilaria's skill with a blade is particularly impressive, and Curtis is quite content with the care he is being afforded by the party.

But all adventures must come to an end, and with the party having completed their task of finding Curtis, the adventure concludes for the evening. Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

2021-06-19: A Symphony of Major Movements (Part 2)

Sunday September 6 (noonish)

Picking up after that expertly executed cliffhanger, Spleenifer and Sparkle are left to go it alone as Lucky and Hilaria blink out of existence, presumably to investigate what's happening with the clouds of smoke billowing out of Brownstone's (admittedly small) skyline. As the pair of players descend the mountainside, they are greeted by a chaotic scene of OIS members attacking random people.

Some members of the Order are riding across the plains and foothills in a pair of porcelain land yachts (in the sense that they look like regular yachts except they glide across the ground) and rounding people up with giant trawling nets. Other members of the Order are outfitted with what looks like steampunk Ghostbuster proton packs that blast a painful burst of holy water. But most of the Order is out on foot, kneecapping people with maces and quarterstaves.

This sort of behavior is a bit out of the ordinary for what Spleenifer knows of the Order of the Immaculate Shadow, so Spleenifer tries to negotiate with some of the Order members as soon as she's within shouting distance. The Order is doing this to fight back the surge of Norozogaan's essence that has begun infecting the populace. Spleenifer makes enough of a case that some of the Order allow her to try out a different strategy to purify the townsfolk. She manages to grab a poopy townsperson in a mighty bear hug, but the fiendish feces force Spleenifer to reconsider her course of action after the person is restrained with ropes.

Sparkle allows the land yachts to continue rounding up the townsfolk heading toward the shadow pillar, and even lassos a few stragglers themselves. But things take another turn for the barbaric once the purification ritual starts.

The person Spleenifer restrained is laid on the ground and water continuously dumped on their face until the person can't breathe. Spleenifer intervenes at this point and stops the waterboarding, but the person begins to cough up a large amount of viscous black liquid. The liquid crawls down the body and burrows into the ground, and the Order chastises Spleenifer for letting some of the Defiler's essence escape destruction.

Sparkle suggests using Lennipur's Basin to assist in the purification efforts (and hopefully avoid the bulk of these barbaric baptisms). It's a risky move for the Order, but they agree that it's probably a good time for the Order to employ their most powerful artifact. With this situation more or less under control, Sparkle and Spleenifer continue on their way back to town.

A long yell pierces the sky above the party as a flying person hurtles through the air to crash into the ground. The crumpled body is grinning and manages to utter a single name before the life leaves its eyes: "Norozogaan."

Every few seconds, another body is hurled through the sky and lands on top of the previous ones. Pretty soon, there's a sizable pile of recently-yeeted dead bodies outside town. As the party draws closer, they see that the origin of all this deadly yeeting is a big circus tent where the water slide is.

A single large hole has been ripped in the top of the tent where all the people are shooting through. Filthy brown water is pooled at the base of the slide, but curiously, the water slide is flowing backward and moving UP the slide at great speed. Crowds have gathered around the slide as the attraction's attendant yells "Come one, come all to the Slaughter Slide!"

With every volunteer who travels up the slide and out of the tent, the dense crowd chants "They will rise! They will rise!" Sparkle pushes their way through the crowd to assess the situation. Replacing or purifying the water is possible, but will take a while.

But as Sparkle mulls over their options, the crowd begins to close in around Sparkle. "Ride the slide! Ride the slide!" the crowd chants. Out comes the Didgeriboop to buy some time with a sleep spell. Eight people start napping where they stand, but it doesn't stop someone from falling into the water and rocketing out of the top of the tent.

Someone or something grabs Sparkle's hand as they try to escape. It's... Yula? Aren't they dead or something? Anyway, Yula is there and petrifies a few people long enough to allow the party to make an escape from the big tent.

It looks like Yula has the same horn that Brynnan blew earlier to cause this massive blowout. The party has no reason to trust Yula, but Yula congratulates the party on the litterbox murder. It appears that Yula's death and descent into the Nine Hells was fortuitous, because it provided an opportunity for Yula to advance in hierarchy of devils.

Asmodeus, the Lord of the Nine Hells, has recently developed a case of... bowel irregularity. It just so happens that Yula knows some adventurers in the Material Plane that are astoundingly good at dealing with matters of the bowels. If the party can help Asmodeus end his constipation by making an Asmo-deuce, Yula stands to benefit greatly in status.

Naturally, the party is quite suspicious of Yula's story. Yula did press them into service with magical coins of obligation, so the party is just waiting for the caveat to come into play. But the caveat, it seems, is in the party's favor this time. Asmodeus has bound Yula with a coin of obligation to find an end to the lord of the Nine Hells' intestinal distress. In the meantime, Yula can't make any scheming deals of their own (at least of the soul-grabbing variety).

Should the party not help, there will be a solar eclipse happening in three weeks time. Norozogaan will attempt to emerge from the abyss during the totality, and everything will will begin to turn into shit. But if the party helps and the plan is successful, Asmodeus and the greater devils would be willing to send infernal reinforcements to assist in turning the tide against Norozogaan.

Eventually the party agrees to consider the proposition and Yula gives the party the horn left by Brynnan as a token of good will. Now there's just the matter of getting the message back to Asmodeus. Yula can't willingly kill themselves to get out of the obligation, so the party has to do it instead.

And the party attacks with gusto!

Several moments into this fiendish beatdown, the tides of combat begin to turn. Outhouses --the very ones SHART put out to aid festival goers--  converge on everyone's location. Spleenifer summons another steed to trample the outhouses, but only succeeds in creating superficial damage. Sparkle, on the other hand, lines up a mighty successful Fireball that scorches the ambulatory outhouses and slows many of the toilets down.

Another group of outhouses flanks Spleenifer and traps her inside one of the outhouses with its ominous flapping door. She tries to break free as the outhouse attempts to probe her mind. It's looking for something, but she's not sure what. Yula tries to flee the outhouses, preferring a more concrete bodily death at the hands of the adventurers.

Maximum Bidet appears moments later, its head replaced with Lennipur's Basin. A mighty torrent of water blasts across some of the outhouses and erodes some of the ground to expose the waste incinerator SHART maintains in the sewers. The Order member piloting Maximum Bidet mentions that these foul constructs can only be destroyed by Lennipur's Essence, some of which appears to powering the incinerator.

Several of the outhouses fall into the sinkhole and hit the incinerator. They disintegrate into a beam of blinding white light, but not all of the outhouses made it into the sinkhole. Sparkle manages to tip over one outhouse, while Spleenifer shoves another outhouse into the pit. Sparkle's witty banter provides just enough motivation for Spleenifer to shove the last of the outhouses (and Yula) into the pit.

The adventure concludes for the evening as the party notices a small river of blood seeping from the bottom of the last remaining festival tent.

Stay tuned next time for more!

[brownstonearmy]

The Brownstone Bugle: Tuesday August 25 (2021-03-06)

Curious about some of the other stuff that goes on in the town of Brownstone? Here are some of the headlines from this week in the adventure!

Announcements and Events

EXPLOSIVE NEWS! Local spider-chair user alleges Anaxilas' recent disappearance may involve foul play. Additional details and fabrications as they become available!

Muscle Mountain, an Anaxilas Fan Club offering up to 30 GP reward for information that directly leads to the recovery of Anaxilas.

Constable’s Logbook

Junior Deputy Shrivelgill arrested Slender Mottletop, Myconid, on charges of refusing to stop melding consciousness. Slender Mottletop's consciousness is believed to be in at least 2 additional organisms, though it is unknown at this time if the hosts are Softer or Fungal. If you have recently changed your name to Slender Mottletop, please report to the Fungal Annex of the Brownstone Constabulary located next to the mossy brick on the north side of the building.

Deputy Billy Dumont took a missing persons report from Gigi, Human (no last name given because she is a minor) alleging that celebrity adventurer Anaxilas hasn't been seen for several days. The constabulary is unable to launch a formal investigation at this time for jurisdictional policy reasons.

Outhouse Watch!

Representatives from The Order of the Immaculate Shadow report that the toilet is believed have stopped its descent for now. Sources close to the matter are describing this object as Norozogaan's Key and they get all weird when I ask about it. Anyway, we're calling it STINKHOLE (Stationary Toilet Identified As Norozogaan's Key Holding Offensive Legendary Excrement) to reflect the current understanding of the situation.

[brownstonearmy]

The Brownstone Bugle: Saturday August 22 (2021-02-06)

Curious about some of the other stuff that goes on in the town of Brownstone? Here are some of the headlines from this week in the adventure!

Announcements and Events

Myconids: Furtive Friends or Fiendish Fungi? Constable Blackheart announces unexpected partnership with fungal folk to bolster town defenses.

The Brownstone Vegetarian Society launches new slogan to keep foragers safe from altercations with Myconids: "PERCEIVE, POKE, THEN PICK!" Watch to make sure your mushroom doesn't move, give it a poke to see if it's sleeping, and if it still doesn't move, it's safe to eat!

Constable’s Logbook

Deputy Billy Dumont arrested Gillian Therayuin, Elf, for disorderly conduct after attempting to climb the outside of a residence. Ms. Therayuin reported (incorrectly) that she could fly. Upon her reunion with the ground, Ms. Therayuin was also charged with possession of hallucinogenic spores.

Junior Deputy Spongus Compost-Eater arrested a small animal for criminal trespassing. The unspecified animal did not vacate the area after Junior Deputy Spongus Compost-Eater's instruction because the animal was deceased. Junior Deputy Spongus Compost-Eater requested backup to escort the reportedly belligerent animal corpse off the premises. The corpse was placed in the compost pit in accordance with Myconid judicial customs.

Outhouse Watch!

The Order of the Immaculate Shadow is fortifying the area where HYDE (Hiding Your Deep Excrement) was last spotted. "It's the calm before the storm," said one OIS member. "We're doing everything we can to stop Norozogaan the Defiler from emerging into our world."

[brownstonearmy]

12-12-2020: Cleansed in the Water (Pt 3)

August 17th (Monday Morning)

On a still morning several days after the destructive flooding of Brownstone, the inscrutable outhouse has burrowed into the mud east of town while our assembled party of adventurers is awaiting their work orders for the day. The stillness, however, is soon interrupted by the sounds of a struggle approaching the town square. Four vigilante militiamen have tied up an elderly woman and an undead skeleton and are dragging the pair to the center of town to face justice.

Q, who goes by Sparkle today, approaches the leader of the vigilantes to see what's going on. The vigilante has captured Granny Agatha and her skeletal manservant, Tandy, as he believes she used her witchcraft to flood the town and avoid her trial that was scheduled for today. The vigilantes have no need for the involvement of Sparkle and their cohorts, believing them to be hoarding money to keep the town from recovering. Sparkle is soon joined by Lucky and Spleenifer, all of whom poke considerable holes in the the vigilante leader's witchcraft conspiracy theories.

As far as Lucky is concerned, the only thing Granny Agatha flooded the town with was good cookies. But these negotiations go south, and Lucky eventually deploys a casting of Suggestion to force the group of vigilantes to release Granny Agatha and Tandy to go make some of those delicious cookies. This is a phenomenally good idea in the vigilantes' minds, and Granny Agatha and Tandy are released to do some emergency baking!  

Granny Agatha cautiously backs away from her captors and beckons to the party for a quick word. She thanks the party for her rescue, but warns them of a particularly troublesome vision she has recently had:

There are two dragons that will visit Brownstone and bring death and decay to the city. One dragon is angry and impulsive, while the other dragon is corrupted and pestilent. Whether the dragons are metaphors or literal omens of things to come is unknown, but our party of adventurers is prophesied to be involved somehow. Fate has not yet decided their role. She gives them a scroll of Greater Restoration that she believes will prove useful at some point in the prophecy, before apologizing for the vague nature of prophecy and hobbling off to complete her cookie baking.

Spleenifer's hand begins to exude a viscous brownish-black liquid that seems to whisper as it drips down and slithers into the stagnant mud of the ground. She tries to decipher the language of the whispers, but it's not one she's familiar with. It doesn't seem to be any language that is spoken in this realm, though. Just as soon as it began, the trickle of liquid stops and leaves behind no trace.

Mayor Dunwall happens to amble by, taking Spleenifer aside to talk about rebuilding the city after the flood. He suggests looking into the wondrous world of renewable dung-based construction, as Mayor Dunwall has already renovated his manor with a large volume of poop.

Although Spleenifer sees no problem with such a clearly pragmatic solution, Sparkle disagrees about the level of enthusiasm the populace will have regarding new architectural guidelines. Perhaps people should be given the option of rebuilding with conventional means before barreling toward booty-based building blocks.

Loud clanking sounds from a few streets over attract the attention of the party. It sounds like the heavily-armored footfalls of some sort of giant creature drawing near. Moments later, a big porcelain construct piloted by Cornelius, the Gnomish mad scientist, rounds the corner.

Cornelius's invention looks vaguely humanoid, though its head consists of a basin the party has seen before: it's the very basin that Cornelius tried to buy at auction some weeks back before the party repatriated the basin back to its home at the Order of the Immaculate Shadow. Water spews forth from the basin as Cornelius attempts to power wash the poop off the streets and houses.

Mayor Dunwall is enraged at Cornelius's destruction of such an abundant building material and gets into a shouting match with Cornelius and his construct. Things get more heated by the second, and Spleenifer tries to interject some reason into the situation before things turn violent. Mayor Dunwall storms off in a huff, ending the debate... for now.

Lucky suggests that Spleenifer ask Cornelius about the weird liquid seeping from her hand earlier, and Cornelius is quick to ask if Spleenifer has been in contact with any cults lately. Lucky mentions that the Order of the Immaculate Shadow has a lot of cult-like qualities, and that the party has had some dealings with them in the past. Cornelius gets cagey until he's sure that the party won't snitch on him, eventually telling them that the basin topping his latest creation was originally an OIS artifact that had gotten displaced by the flood. And since he paid good money for it at auction, it's his.

Cornelius is using the basin to purify and wash the town to prevent pestilence from overtaking the city, and he calls his newest creation MAXIMUM BIDET. Yes, the name is written in all caps. It's a branding thing.

Anyway, as soon as Cornelius mentions a pestilence, Sparkle remarks that this must be the sick dragon part of Granny Agatha's vision. The party weigh their options and try to convince Cornelius to part with the basin in exchange for a better one from the Order of the Immaculate Shadow's compound.

Cornelius readily agrees to fund an "expedition" to the OIS compound and acquire a new and improved basin before things get bad. Time is of the essence for Cornelius, so he throws some serious coin around to make it happen. He tosses the party a back of 900 platinum pieces, which another 900 platinum upon completion of the mission.

The party convinces the Cornelius to disconnect MAXIMUM BIDET's basin, but Cornelius accidentally pulls the wrong cable and says the one word no one wants a gnome to say: "Oops."

MAXIMUM BIDET into a murderous rage as its cables get uncomfortably prodded. Sparkle tries to put the construct to sleep, but the creature is too powerful. Lucky casts her new spell, Xear's Chaotic Command, and chooses Gear from her list of options. She summons a five foot cube of paper towels to appear in the basin and clogs MAXIMUM BIDET's deadly water spray. Spleenifer attacks with an array of smacks and smites, but MAXIMUM BIDET retaliates with a mean slam of its own.

Cornelius gets flung into the business end of a wall, croaking out "Save the basin!" before falling unconscious. Sparkle reckons that a particular hose on the neck is probably the best way to disconnect the basin, and relays their observation to the rest of the party before lunging to detach the hose.

MAXIMUM BIDET's arms contract and crush Sparkle. Lucky casts Thunderstep and yanks Sparkle out of MAXIMUM BIDET's grasp. Spleenifer strikes again, and while she and MAXIMUM BIDET are locked in combat, Sparkle makes a stunning acrobatic check to disconnect the hose. They take a flying leap and yank things loose with a primal scream.

Our battered and bruised party eventually meets up with the Acting Keeper of the Cradle of the Order of the Immaculate Shadow, which is a really long title but the title had to get a little longer after the previous Keeper of the Cradle got eaten by the inscrutable outhouse. The party trades the basin previously used by MAXIMUM BIDET to the Acting Keeper in exchange for a an exquisitely crafted (but non-magical) basin to give to Cornelius. Lucky plans to soak the new basin in some of the excess cursed magic item sludge that Miss Mavis keeps at the shop in hopes of giving the basin the appearance of robust enchantment. If someone's paying 1800 platinum for the basin, you may as well make it look the part, right?

After the Order's magic basin is once again secured, the Acting Keeper starts doling out troubling information like there's a liquidation sale on prophecies. In not quite as many words, here are the highlights of that conversation:

The Ring of Norozogaan has been used to signal a powerful acolyte exists who wishes to serve the demon lord.

A 30-foot tall wall of infernal ice from Cania in the Nine Hells surrounds Stout Manor, indicating devil involvement in addition to the demons.

Norozogaan requires its acolytes to complete a deadly task to prove their loyalty, and the process starts an irreversible change in the prospective acolyte.

Brynnan is the most likely candidate to become an acolyte, and both he and any traces of Norozogaan's essence must be destroyed.

If Lennipur's Basin (the basin previously stolen and used by MAXIMUM BIDET) is destroyed, Norozogaan will gain enough power to prevail in the fight against Lennipur and bring an eternal age of decay into the world.

The adventure concludes for the evening as the party comes to grip with the truth bombs from the Acting Keeper. Destroy the supreme source of evil or else the entire world will fall into ruin. No pressure, right?

Stay tuned next time for more!