#nonsense nonsense nonsense. what's wrong with adults i really don't understand [<- is an adult]

[keeps-ache]

i need more object-head OCs. it's So imperative to my health

[thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname]

.

[kaisa-ryo]

— who apologises first during an argument?

jujutsu kaisen

characters: itadori yuji, megumi fushiguro, satoru gojo, inumaki toge, sukuna ryōmen

tw: english isn’t my native language! + this is my very, very old work, so there may be mistakes or complete nonsense :)

Itadori Yuji

It's obvious: Itadori. It's not that he thinks he's wrong, but... he feels bad inside. He would, too. He thinks that a girl's delicate heart is worth more than his pride. Bitter as it may be, he's probably right. The moment he decides which is more important, he remembers a saying he heard once from a respected person: "There's only one absolute value in the world, and that's the soul—in the truest sense of the word." That was his grandfather. Maybe he wasn't like that himself, but he clearly wanted his grandson to be like that.

Itadori thought that repentance comes when you stop wanting things to be a certain way, and realized he actually wasn't very sorry. On the contrary, he felt even more guilty. Even the fact that he's an adult, that he controls everything and knows his goal, it was hard for him to accept. This pressure increases when he realizes that he might accidentally release Sukuna in a fit of anger. And we all know how easily he can ruin everything.

But from the outside, it looks much funnier — Yuji looks at you with puppy-dog eyes and begs her to go with him to another boring movie tomorrow. But in reality, this is just a mechanical reaction to the childish imitation of an adult male instinct, an attempt to extinguish his own inner protest and find a convenient alternative. Still, Itadori realized that's pretty much how all adult wolves behave — by imitating children.

"Please, y/n, let's go see the second part of 'Man-Moth' tomorrow," the guy whined softly. "I really want to see it... Maybe you'll eat something? Have some pineapple?"

Itadori Yuji is a prime example of a big child in a relationship.

Satoru Gojo

This blond stubborn clod is all muddled and unbearable. He only apologizes when he has something in mind. But how often does that something appear in the mind of a person who constantly behaves like a dummy who can't tell himself anything smart or important, because he's afraid to interrupt the thoughtful, time free of petty concerns? Anything he says turns out to be a mere repetition of the same gestures.

"It's your fault. You could've kept quiet, and that's it. You're nice to her, and she's nice to you," Satoru mumbled, smiling skeptically and cleaning up after another serving of ramen.

"What do you know about people, Gojo!" you replied with a pained grimace, looking at the man's peaceful face, which she accidentally caught with one of her non-verbal scans, during which he, opening one eye, looked at her with bewilderment.

"I understand everything, y/n, everything," Satoru mumbled, putting the plate in the sink, "You just don't want to think that you can't trust people at all. And I understand you on that."

Yes, after all these words, he won't even come and hug you, but even without hugs, it gets easier, and you don't get so angry at him anymore. It's not every day you hear words of understanding from your beloved eternal child. Especially during arguments, these words become a real treasure. So it's precisely these insightful speeches that are the most sacred. Because he doesn't talk to anyone else like that. And you knows this perfectly well.

Megumi Fushiguro

Oh dear, he's so sure he's right that he almost never sees beyond his nose. But he's a great listener.

Whenever you try to tell him through tears that he's wrong, he just sits there in silence, looks at you, and smiles as if you're giving him compliments. And it usually doesn't end with him just looking at your eyelashes; it continues with a whole mix of eye movements to his ears and back. After a long monologue, you suddenly stop talking and feel that he isn't listening at all.

"So, are you finished?"

he asks. You nod, feeling that you're about to cry. Then he raises his eyes to you and looks at you with a long, attentive look. There's no meaning in his eyes. And in general, this is the look not of a living person, but rather of a robot.

Inumaki Toge

He doesn't seem to be reading anything at all. You stop mid-sentence, and your emotions pour out in a sigh, through your sobs. He doesn't say anything, he just looks at you, and you feel like he's simply pausing. You don't know what he's trying to say, but you try to apologize, although it's completely pointless. He quietly gets up from the table and approaches you. You feel the warmth of his hand touching you - and you know he's going to try to comfort you now. But instead, he starts some strange movement with his fingers in front of your face. You feel something very much like a tickle. Then he brings his fingers to your face and begins to gently wipe away the trails of tears. You flinch in surprise, and he begins to smile.

Of course, you have this kind of relationship, where your heart beats somewhere in the background, but you can't tell him about it because both of you, in your minds, remain in another reality. For you, it's a fleeting emotional experience, for him it's an eternity.

This sweet, reserved young man never allows himself to lose control of his emotions or to imagine himself as a heartless animal who would deny that you are hurting and uncomfortable. No, he just waits for your happy exclamation, followed by the long-awaited touch of his hands and lips to yours. And here the most important thing is that your dear one remains within the framework of conventions. Otherwise, you won't see how he risks everything.

And most importantly, he will never allow himself to use his magic on you at such moments. Never in a million years. No.

Besides, you can't resist his innocence yourself, even though he's far from a child in reality. The next time your sweetheart decides to make an open declaration of love, don't be afraid to understand him and accept, because he openly and honestly talks about his feelings, and doesn't hide them under a veil of lies. After all, he knows how you feel about him, and he's incredibly happy that you'll never reject his revelations.

Ultimately, whether out of fear of being under his control, or out of pity for him, you're the one who has to apologize.

- Tuna...

- God, how can I even be mad at you?! - you exclaimed indignantly, realizing that you had been acting like a real possessive person all this time. - Why can't you just say "yes" simply and clearly?

- Salmon!

Sukuna Ryōmen

You.

Firstly: why do you think a powerful demon is obliged to apologize to you?

Secondly: who are you to accuse him of anything?

Simply put, you apologize to him not out of conscience, but out of the thought that it would be good if he would back off and stop ruining your life in the most disgusting ways. If you know that he doesn't really hear you, but only experiences the state he's in when he utters the simplest and most vulgar phrases, then you can say nothing at all. But if you feel that he's saying the very words you really need, you're not apologizing, you're convincing yourself that he couldn't have acted any other way. You can consider this a rational use of free will. Just like you do homework in geometry.

Otherwise, he'll just throw insults around until he hears the words of remorse from your lips.

Putting on headphones, abstracting yourself from the outside world, you began to cry quietly into the pillow, either from the realization that you were dating such a disgusting animal, or from the realization of your helplessness before him. During this emotional break, you carefully analyzed everything related to Sukuna and your relationship, as if trying to find some reason for your unhappiness. Suddenly, when you were ready to burst into tears, you felt the presence of the only demon you knew at the entrance to the room.

- God, you're such a pathetic creature! - his voice was full of indifference and disgust. - I'm starting to understand why you were a virgin before me.

How his narcissistic ambition annoyed you. How you wanted to hit him, to suffocate him with a pillow.

[littlelambscandyland]

Four Versus One (Part 2)

Platonic Yandere Cg!Hamato Brothers x Little!Reader

Warnings-Panic Attack, Drugging, Kidnapping, Being in the Dark, Crying, Paranoia

Notes- Only Donnie and Leo show up in this part but don't worry the other two will be in the next one (also used to be fem pronouns but I changed to they/them)

It had only been a week, but you were still reeling. You were completely paranoid. You had put tape or stickers on every device's camera in your house. You threw out your Tv and decided against replacing it. The only device you still really used after was your phone.

You even spoke to your therapist about what happened. She said you were most likely tired and stressed from taking care of your niece. She told you it was possible that you were both awake and asleep at the same time as that’s something she’s seen patients do before. She also assured you that she believes what you said, but that you were also right in there being a logical reason. You remember she told you to keep track of it, and tell her so you both can see if by chance it’s something more. She tried to calm your fears, but it had felt so real no words could pierce through your doubts.

Your poor niece had wanted to come visit to watch the show again, but you just couldn’t do it. You apologized to your sibling and told them something is going on and you don’t feel comfortable watching their daughter right now. They were surprisingly understanding as they wished you luck on restabilizing. 

Your sleep had suffered the most. You were still able to eat; you weren’t afraid that someone would poison you. You were afraid, however, that if you fell asleep someone would come in. You were afraid that you were being watched. You were confident that it wasn’t actually the cartoon turtles. That’s just ridiculous, right? There’s no way the cartoon characters became sentient and actually wanted to be friends. If you were a cartoon character that gained sentience you’d probably want to murder whoever was watching you… That thought does not help your anxiety.

Either way, you were certain someone had to have hacked your Tv. Maybe it was just a prank? Some kids who were way smarter than they should be, who thought it would be funny to screw with a grown adult watching a cartoon. Someone who really wanted to put the fear of god into anyone who bought the disks you did. That was more reasonable.

All these thoughts plague you day in and out. The unknown really proving that it’s one of the things people most fear.

You felt like you were in a box. Your world becoming much smaller than it’s ever been while you hide inside your four walled apartment. You hid in there, but the feeling of being watched prevails. No taping up cameras or removing tech has cured your anxiety.

But, nothing’s happened. No weird phone calls, no more odd videos, and no evidence it was even real.

Despite your fear you began to doubt yourself. What if your therapist was right? You were just partially asleep… Your mind is playing tricks on you and you need to move on.

But, you can’t. It feels too real. It’s in your gut making you sick. Whatever happened, something is wrong.

You lay in your bed. Your back stretched against the blanket and you stare up at the ceiling. You trace the markings as you drown in your thoughts. The lights dimming slowly as the sun sets through your curtains. You’ll have to turn on the lights soon.

Every part of your being screams for rest. Your body exhausted from the damage your mind is doing. Your arms are raised over your head crossing at the wrist. You’re comfortable, but you can’t sleep. It’s too early, and even if it was late you wouldn’t be able to calm yourself enough.

One week, and you can still remember word for word what they said. You can remember how despite being drawings their eyes burned holes through your very beings. If you hadn’t been so aware of how nonsensical the thought is you’d think that the cartoons really could see you. That they really could hear you. That they really did want to hold a conversation.

Those thoughts make you feel a tad bit guilty. If they had been real you had not only immediately freaked out, but you also destroyed the only form of communication they had. The turtles said such kind words too. They seemed so excited and so loving. It was like they were talking to a loved one, someone they couldn’t wait to be with.

If you weren’t so paranoid you’d miss those comforting words. The way they seemed to actually care. The feeling of being a child. Someone to be protected and cared for…

The light in your room was almost gone. You braced yourself to get up. Ready to bring the unnatural brightness into your room.

Going to flick the switch you pause as you hear something break. A loud shattering filling the living room and bouncing on the apartment's walls. Panic floods your system and you freeze. You don’t even release a breath as you hear movement.

You knew it, whatever happened the other day was a precursor! You're doomed to die by the hands of a maniac! You should’ve been more careful. What if your niece is also a target?! You didn’t want to die, not yet!

“Be more careful.” You hear a voice hiss out.

“Well sorry,” Another voice answered. “How am I supposed to see when all the lights are off! Why are all the lights off!?” The other man whisper-yells.

You feel your lungs burn in your chest as adrenaline fills your body. You don’t dare to move yet. You have a better chance of running if they go into the spare room first.

You zoned back into their conversation hoping you can make a dash soon.

“They could’ve also heard you and now they're terrified and hiding somewhere.” One of them says smoothly with annoyance.

“Whatever dude, let's just get our kid and go home.” You could practically hear the man's eyes roll.

As soon as you heard movement you hid behind the bedroom door, hoping they didn’t notice. The bed to the guest room couldn’t be seen from the door, but your bedroom’s bed could, so you prayed they’d check the other room first.

Someone was listening to you because they did. You heard them enter the other room and quickly ran slamming the guest door. The men shout on the other side as you bolt towards your entrance.

You get to your front door and unlock it. Sadly, you are too late because as soon as you open the door something grabs you and pulls you back. Something metal slams the door closed again. You scream as loud as you can. You get pulled against something and something green slams itself over your mouth. You wiggle and fight back but the grip on you is much too strong and only ends up making the person tighten.

“Will you stop it?” The voice questions from directly behind you. They sounded more worried and stressed than dangerous.

As much as you wanted to comply not to anger them, you refused to give in so quickly.

“Ok, ok. Maybe we do need it Donnie.” The voice says with defeat.

Are they still pretending to be the cartoo-

Your brain pauses and so does your body as the second comes into view.

Donatello. The actual Donatello stood in front of you. Syringe in hand and an indescribable look on his face. You couldn’t believe your eyes. 

The dark was playing tricks on you! This wasn’t real! You're in danger and to calm yourself down your brain made them cartoons! Right?! Right?!

Your breathing picked up and tears rolled heavily down your cheeks. Your grip on the arm holding you tightened. You grabbed at it to ground yourself. None of this was real… None of this was real.

Your eyes met the purple clad turtles. He looked down at you as you turned your eyes away rapidly. This couldn’t be happening.

That’s the dumbest thought ever! You were NOT being kidnapped by The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!

“Will you calm down yourself or do we need to sedate you?” Donatello asks you.

Your eyes snap back to his as you try to regulate your breathing. Wide eyes staring at unreadable ones.

The other hand moved from your lips but didn’t let go of your waist. With the new chance to see the other you turn as best as you can. You stare doe like as your eyes meet Leonardo’s. 

“Look, there are those pretty eyes!” He exclaims happily, like he’s talking to a child.

You step back and he lets you. You take a few more only to run into the other turtle who lands his hands on your shoulders.

You look down and shake your head. “This isn’t real. This isn’t happening. Wake up,” You raised your hands and hit your face. “Wake up,” Hit. “Wake up,” Hit. “Wake up!” 

Your panic is stopped by your hands being grabbed. The darker turtle holding them tightly. Leonardo looks at you with worry.

“I know this is all really scary for you, but I promise we’re not gonna hurt you okay?” He reassures you.

“It’s not real. It’s not.” You repeat shaking your head.

“It most certainly is.” Donatello replies. “I know it seems completely illogical, but all of this is very, very, that’s two verys, real.”

Swallowing thickly you raise your head up to look at the one in front of you.

“How- how is this happening?” You shake violently where you stand. “This shouldn’t be possible, it’s not, it’s not possible.” You cry out to them.

“How bout you leave how to us, huh?” The slider asks. “I know it’s all a lot to take in and you must be soo scared~” He seemed to coo at you. “But we’re gonna have so much fun together and you’re going to be so happy! Everything is going to be great!” He tells you happily.

You shake your head at him. “I don’t- I don’t want- I- please leave me alone.” You sob out.

Leonardo seems to panic at this and you feel Donatello move behind you.

Your panic drives them to calm you down the best way they know how. A prick piercing your skin as you cry. A few more moments and you watch as the world fades in and out only to go black.

You’re cries die in your throat as you drift off and are carried to your new home.

[kairiscorner]

(reblogs are greatly appreciated, it helps get my content out there! if you guys like what you see, please reblog it too <:D)

what would it be like to be miggy's sole friend? (aside from my bbg lyla)

imagine being one of my miguel's only friends in middle school. like he was a bullied kid in middle school (i think he was in middle school in the '92 comics, correct me if i'm wrong) and like, i think our miguel (movie miggy) wouldn't really give a shit if you were his only friend, he just wanted it to be you.

like if you asked him why he didn't try to make other friends if he knew you would be there to defend him if someone tried to mess with him, he'd just shrug and admit that he doesn't really want anyone else. and if you'd follow up that question with another why, he... he wouldn't know himself why. he just feels better and at peace knowing you're all he has to call as his 'friend'.

he wasn't shy nor anti-social either, he did talk to people and make connections, but he never really went to anyone else but you to talk about problems, unburden burdens you both never realized you were carrying, and just... be yourselves around each other.

like miggy has to put up fronts, he always did, he always does. even as an adult, if you chose to stay by his side, you would always see different sides of him, it was never just one or two versions, but a whole spectrum of miggy that you witnessed and grew up with.

and he appreciates how you understand him despite you not agreeing with him a lot, like that shit comforts him, how you have tried to see things his way. and despite them not working/being agreeable for you, he likes how you at least try, for him, to see how he sees it.

you also know how much he hates other people telling him what to do, that riles him up the most. he hates not having things in control because when things aren't in control, nobody, not even him, is in control of themselves. you don't encourage his no nonsense behavior, you want him to have fun, but most of all, you are the only person who successfully convinces him to take a damn break and relax for once.

he has joked to you before how many couples he knew lasted long because they knew each other since high school or college, since you knew each other way earlier than that... what would you do if he proposed to you right then and there? what if he said he wanted to marry you, spend the rest of his life with you, have you remind him taking breaks, waking up in his arms in the morning, and going home with his hand in yours, ensuring you'd be safe forever as long as he was there?

"i know i'm not... the most agreeable or friendly man on this planet, but... i want to be better. and to be better, i learn from you. and the more i learn from you... i realize how much i've loved you all this time, all this time i've wanted just you and only you, that... must've been when i started falling for you, ever single part of you, it all makes my heart beat a little faster, makes me want to be someone worth loving by someone so worth it. and that someone is... you. so, what do you say?"

a/n: WHAT DO I SAY, I SAY YES BBG AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

tags !! @miguelswifey04 (him to you fr <333)

[sokkastyles]

Hi,

Hope you are doing well. Thank you for the response on the previous query regarding TSR.

I have seen Azula stans talking about Azula 'deserving' a redemption arc, as well. I was wondering, what does 'deserving' mean in this case? Why should Azula 'deserve' a redemption arc? Is it because of her tragic backstory or her breakdown at the end of book 3?

This is something I have seen in a few other fandoms as well, that some characters deserve a redemption arc as well, but the problem is that these characters do not feel sorry for their actions. Azula also feels the same, so I am not sure why she 'deserved' a redemption arc.

I would like your thoughts on this.

The very idea that redemption is "deserved" is an oxymoron itself. A lot of people who say this about Azula focus on her age, and what they mean is that she deserved to have an opportunity for redemption, which I agree with in principal. But you're right, she was never sorry nor understands the need for change, so the idea that she just didn't have the opportunity is a false premise.

Also, on the age discourse, some people don't seem to understand that Azula isn't a real child, but a fictional character who exists as part of the larger story the writers are telling. Her story is somewhat about her age and the tragedy of someone so young being manipulated and abused and then turning around and doing the same to someone else. But her age is also informed by the fact that she is a character in a children's show. If we're going to say it's wrong to have kid villains, then it also has to be wrong to have kid heroes. Isn't it unfair to place the burden of being the Avatar on Aang's shoulders? Doesn't he deserve to be a kid? I think we would all say the answer is yes, but we also recognize that there is a story being told here. To say that that story is morally wrong for existing under some guise of "protecting children" is weird because these stories exist FOR children. And yes, that means some of those stories involve children experiencing pain, because children (real, not fictional ones) deserve to see their struggles validated and reflected onscreen, in a way that is ultimately harmless because Azula and Aang are not real children. Would these people want to take those stories away from real children in defense of fictional ones, just so that they can feel better as adults consuming children's media? Because really, that's what all this "think of the children" nonsense is about. Adults trying to shield themselves from having to view the world from a children's perspective that doesn't always portray adults (or children) in the most flattering light.

[iamnmbr3]

Cursed Child rant? as a treat? 👉👈

Oh god. Where to even start. Listen, I know some people enjoy CC and I say more power to you. I'm not here to be the fun police and say what people can and can't like or write fic about or derive meaning from or whatever. But for me, personally, Cursed Child is an absolute mess of the worst kind that irritates me on a profound level.

First off, it's completely inconsistent with the canon characterizations and established rules of world building (and JKR didn't even do that much world building so there wasn't that much to keep track of and yet, they couldn't even bother to do that). I mean, Cedric, who tried to give the Triwizard Cup to Harry doesn't win and that somehow causes him to become a Death Eater??? Huh? It's not just ooc. It's bad storytelling. I mean, even if he was a hugely sore loser why would losing a tournament cause him to join an extremist blood purist paramilitary group? That has nothing to do with him losing. It's stupid and childish and nonsensical and SO bad.

And really? That's the best you can come up with? If the point of that whole thing was the tired trope of 'time travel goes wrong and makes things worse' they could've just had the gang expose Crouch earlier but instead of Voldemort not returning he just ends up returning but not using Harry's blood which allows him to do his original plan of growing his power in secret. And idk. Maybe then he takes over and he kills Harry and Harry doesn't come back. I didn't even put any effort into that. It's a bit dumb and inelegant but it gets the job done without wild character assassination and a lack of logic so profound it would insult the reasoning abilities of a fungus.

But ok, let's judge it as its own vaguely Harry Potter inspired thing rather than as an actual sequel to the canon series. You know what the result is? IT'S STILL BAD. It's just. SO BAD. I don't understand how it's a real thing.

It's like a parody of a bad play. It can't possibly be real. Harry suddenly has a phobia of pigeons? Why??? It's so...stupid. And I'm supposed to take that seriously? What? And the dialogue. The dialogue. "Bad" doesn't even cover it. The fact that "Wow. Squeak. My geekness is a-quivering" is a real actual line in the actual play causes me physical pain. WHO WRITES THAT?! AND THEN LEAVES IT IN THE FINAL DRAFT?!?!?

And Delphi. WHAT EVEN?! She's literally like a parody of a bad fanfic Mary Sue. Down to the blue streak in her hair. But we're supposed to take her seriously? As a villain? Tf? She's like a bad Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way knockoff. The whole play is like an unfunny parody of bad writing. But it's not supposed to be. It actually pretends to be a genuine drama. Which is so much worse. I truly think My Immortal is better. And way funnier.

No effort at all went into the story construction. Characters act incredibly childishly and unrealistically and simplistically. The story doesn't feel like it was written by adults. There's no feeling or depth or emotion. It's all plot contrivances and nauseatingly simplistic writing. It isn't a story. It's just some stuff that happens. Because the writers were just like 'eh it's Harry Potter it'll sell.' And that's not art. That's just churned out content. And it bothers me on such a profound level that they did it and got away with it.

I would be embarrassed to write that for myself, let alone to turn that in as a professional writer. It's so inconsistent with the original story that I legitimately think the 2 guys who wrote it didn't even read the books. They just glanced at the wiki and decided they were good to go. Despite being PAID to do this. How sloppy is that? Not to mention Harry Potter meant so much to so many people who were ecstatic to get more content yet the two clowns who wrote this just skimmed the wiki and then vomited out some of the worst lines ever penned in history and called it a day.

[hazbin-proship-central]

I don't mean to sound rude when I ask this but how did you become okay with accepting yourself as a proshipper? I've recently discovered that I can consider myself a proshipper and it's got me confused.

I've gotten more comfortable with my identity, but I've been an anti for so long that it causes so much internal conflict. So I guess I'm just asking for some guidance?

- 🧡anon

Hmm. Well, for me, I never even adapted to hold the anti mindset until around 2020 or so. Before then, I would've been considered proship (even though i wasnt aware of the term then). I think what made it pretty easy to transition away from an anti mindset was the fact that I have always had a "proship mindset" beforehand, and it was just a matter of me letting go of the weird purity nonsense I absorbed from social media.

If you are struggling with feeling like youre a bad person, realize that fiction does not harm people. People harm people. A fanfiction with problematic themes does not cause real life harm. The only thing causing real life harm in this equation are humans, and the blame should be put on them, not charluciferlovurr1996 on ao3. If someone is "influenced" to commit crimes or other harmful actions because of a show, book, video game, fanfic, or any other form of media, thats on them. Grown adults should have the ability to understand that just because something is "romanticised" (god i hate that word) in a story, it doesnt mean that its okay for them to do it in real life. If they choose to do wrong in real life over a fictional story, that is on them, not the creator of the media/story.

I feel that once you really, truly understand, it will be a lot easier to stop feeling guilty. If you want, you can message me (either on here or my main, @pinkcroptops ) if you need to talk more. I understand.

[my2phetaliaheadcanons]

I am not exactly sure if your request are open or this account is abandoned because I don't wanna bother.. But how do 2p Prussia, 2p America, 2p Italy, 2p Canada to their darling s/o walking around, talking by themselves and running around when their alone, especially listening to music and do that.. People usually called it maladaptive daydreaming?.. And I again I'm sorry if I bother you

+ This comment: Oh if you don't know maladaptive daydreaming.. You can search it on google, maladaptive daydreaming is usually caused by mental health issue

Ah! I’ve heard of this, and I relate to a lot of the symptoms. Honestly, the process helps me with a lot of my writing, but I’ve never really had it overtake my life.

And you’re no bother hun! Also, as long as the ask box is open you can submit until your heart’s content (this goes for everyone!). Adult life sometimes makes it hard to be consistent with my writing. Even though life’s made it tough, it just takes longer than I thought. Which I am sure we all understand.

Also, if you ever want, you are welcome to ask me questions, or just check in on my status. I don’t consider them the same as a request/ask. Honestly, I’ve always wondered if I should share the menu of questions. Like the ones of lists where people request a number/shape/phrase from a menu of questions and the author answers them.

Note: (F/Br) = Favorite Brand

Anyways on to the event~

(Y/N)’s head rocked to unheard music as she moved through the house. A large basket, full of dirty clothes, was in hand as she muttered to herself. Like a plane on autopilot, her legs took the barefoot woman down the hidden, wooden stairs toward the basement.

With her mind lost to the clouds, she was unaware of the encroaching shadows. One that slunk along her walls and blended in with her home’s hidden corners.

The man’s ears were perked, eager to pick up on her muttering as he remained out of sight; but as he tried to make out each, exact word, all he could do was scrunch his face in confusion. She was uttering pure nonsense. Curiosity continued to knock at his brain, as he realized the muttering and occasional grunt sounded like someone in a fight. Part of him wondered if she hated laundry. Or was she somehow hurt, that a mere load of laundry caused her body to ache so, maybe she was complaining about that event? Perhaps, during the hours he had left her, someone said something to piss her off and to alleviate the feeling of failure she was repeating the moment but with her winning?

Brushing off the momentary flare of anger at the possibility of something going wrong, he decided to stalk closer. His presence unnoticed as he fell in line with the darkness to follow the woman further into the unfinished basement.

Remaining between the darken beams of an empty corner room, the man watched as she bounced past the laundry room. He choked down the chuckle that threatened to bubble out as she seemed to forget what chore she was doing. He watched as her quirked lips and blink of confusion reminded him of a puppy denied a bone via a simple magic trick. But after a moment she stepped backwards and moved inside to complete the chore.

For hours, he watched from the dark places of (Y/N)’s home as she continued in what he could only call her own wonderland. Little sounds and words came from her as she auto piloted her way through the evening. Each of her movements could only be described as light and spacey. 

Soon enough, (Y/N) had finished her day. Her head hitting the cold pillow and slowly giving up consciousness in return for a more vivid fantasy as she cuddled her blanket close.

As her breath settled into sleep’s pattern. The man left the shadows and stood over (Y/N). He looked down, his eyes softened by worry as he brushed away her hair.

The whole day. She had not noticed him once. Not even reacting to the feeling of his eyes tracing her form.

Oh, what to do with her.

HIS.

SWEET.

LITTLE.

OBLIVIOUS.

ALICE.

Prussia: Once again, (Y/N) moved on autopilot. Her mind lost to wonderland as she cleaned the front room windows. A dance to step as her inner adventure rose closer to its climax. Ignorant of the eyes on the outside.

 “Another day, another fantasy”. thought Wilhelm as he watched her from his dark Audi. His thumb tapped along the steering wheel as he bobbed to her beat. Waiting for her.

Waiting for the next point of her set schedule. The subconscious pattern he had identified weeks earlier. The key to bringing Maus home was a simple afternoon walk.

His cornflower orbs flitted to the car clock. The neon numbers changed to fourteen hundred. At its brief flicker, to signify the change of the hour, Wilhelm looked back to the house.

(Y/N) opened the white door, and Wilhelm felt his heart stop. Her beauty alone froze the breath within his lungs.

The summer sun reflected off her (H/C) locks and the (F/C) headphones helped create a beautiful halo. Her eyes were refreshing pools of (E/C) that offered relief from the ruthless heat. The baggy, mesh, basketball shorts and simple graphic tee made her seem like an angel failing to blend in with mortals.

To view her so openly felt like a sin. But Wilhelm couldn’t ignore the serpent’s call. Not when the house had been prepared, and the wedding planning was in the final stages.

No, he thought as she walked past his car. Not when her mental wonderings made it so easy for him to snatch her away.

He opened the car door. Following the distracted woman down the suburban running trail.

Not when he could make his own daydreams a reality.

America: Over the next few weeks, (Y/N)’s mind continued its wandering. Those mental walks felt like a summer, sun-dappled path as she made her way through the elaborate stories. After all, they prevented a dull moment and allowed her to complete her days and tasks while tranced.

It was perfect.

If only you didn’t ask Allen.

On each visit to her home, he was ignored. His presence was treated as nothing more than a fly on the wall. Allen would agree that it was nice, it allowed him to get closer. To be bolder in his actions.

Even with all he learned and all he was able to do, it wasn’t enough. The information lacked intimacy. The kind where Allen could slide into (Y/N)’s life. To build a bond that would take them from friends to a couple, and finally end with marriage.

Just him and her. Forever.

If she wasn’t so damn lost within her own mind.

The process of focusing her hazy eyes on him would take too long if he went the organic route. No, he wanted her attention.

And.

He.

Wanted.

It.

Now.

Italy: The grocery store bustled with life as (Y/N) pushed her cart forward. Her lazy stride as her upper body leaned on the cart handle. Her eyes felt that the world was so distant as she glanced along the shelves like her dedication to the dream prevented the world from coming into focus.

A sudden crash of zincified steel and a punch to the gut caused (Y/N) to choke as her lungs struggled to regain their air and her stomach to keep its contents down.

A groan mumbled its way through (Y/N)’s clenched lips as her mind caught up with reality. She had been wondering about the snack aisle for chips, but at its lack of (F/Br) and at her mental moment of failure, she decided to check the next aisle in case they were moved. Initially, there was no one at the aisle’s end that (Y/N) had seen, so she exited. But, like a teen driver with a brand-new cellphone, her glance up was not long enough.

“Non ci posso credere!”, came from the owner of the hand that was now rubbing her back. His gentle touch helped calm her body’s panic as she looked back at him.

(E/C) widened as a heavy blush warmed her cheeks.

He was handsome.

His copper hair that had the smallest hints of crimson in the highlights the shone like bloody pennies in the florescent lights. His eyes were the deepest pools of maroon that pulled at her brain like a siren’s song. A sharp nose that complimented the soft smile that crinkled the corners of his beautiful eyes.

Yet, her brain couldn’t ignore that something was off. Was it in the way he looked at her? Or the gentle, but tight grip on her arm? Either way, it made (Y/N) feel like she was viewing a shadow from above the water’s surface. That underneath lay a predator in wait, urging her to jump in. To embr-.

“Tesoro?” The man interrupted. “Are you alright?”

She ummed with a nodded as she scurried to collect her cart and stand straight. A stuttered “Yes” as she began to turn her cart away and after a silent moment of staring, an “I’m sorry” as her steps led her away from the attractive Italian.

(Y/N) should have looked back.

Because Luciano stepped forward. His voice was soft as he called for her to look back. It had enough power that only (Y/N) should have turned to look at him. To bless him with another conversation. To give him his anchor point into her life.

She should not have let her dreams dull her senses as her wondering took her around the aisle’s corner.

Because he frowned. A frown so deep that the creases pulled his lips downward. She was lost again. Not even thirty seconds after bruising her gut. Not allowing him the chance to smooth over the pain with the promise of pleasure.

Being ignored burned him. A blaze that flittered like black flames from his heart to his head with horrible ideas.

Ideas that concluded this ‘dream-walking’ could be trained out. Or at least, change them. Maybe, dreams that were filled with only him, could be a better anchor. Even if they would quickly become nightmares.  

Canada: Large shelves were covered in books. Each varied in thickness, texture, color, and quality, but with one thing in common. They were all blank.

Matt’s scuffed hand reached for a leather bound, brown journal. He turned it over in his hands before flipping through the pages. It seemed sturdy. A book that could handle a lot of pages turning, folding, and writing, but he grimaced. Its paper was rated for matte, which was the standard.

“No.” He muttered. “It’s too light.”

His boot-clad feet carried him further into the book aisle of the art store. As he approached the end, his lilac eyes were drawn downward to a small, black book on the bottom shelf.

Gently, Matt picked it up. His hands carded through the paper and looked over its binding. This one was a lot stronger than the last. Pausing at the book’s middle he noted that it’s pages were tightly bound with glue and white tread that released the smell of glue as he closed it with a small slam.

‘One final thing’, he thought as he flipped the book over for it’s specs.

Hot Pressed Watercolor

‘Finally,’ He sighed as he tucked the book under his arm. ‘Now, all I have to do is finish her studio.’

With a nearly, unnoticeable pop in his step, Matt left the store.

After all, with one more thing checked off his list.

That meant he was one item closer to bringing (Y/N) home.

One more thing closer to a happy home with children.

And after all, (Y/N)’s dreams could mean happier children. All he has to do is encourage her to record.

[strawberryicemoon]

Re: Della - It’s wild how Scrooge has a giant secret room dedicated to Della, all of which meant nothing. One of the first things that we learn about Della from Selene is that “she makes everyone around her better.” But when she gets home, she doesn’t really do that? She’ll help people from time to time, but she seems to be better at making people worse than better. Which - again - could be a point about how the hero may not live up to myth! But why is Della so drastically different?

Exactly!

Now to be fair for the "makes everyone better" it could have very easily been a case of she's not in an emotionally healthy position to do that. Because she's needlessly immaturely petty about Launchpad. Which I get it, it's a kids show. Adults acting childish is somewhat of a joke.

There are dozens of ways I think they could have better meshed the two Della's. If we had literally had any character call out that she's not herself, that the moon trip changed her, or any of the triplets acknowledge their mother isn't quite what they thought I think it would have done a world of good for the plot line.

I don't think it would have really been enough, because there were issues present in Della's proper debut actually (I can't get over the fact her sketching the spear of Selene was a plot point, and then she's bad at art and her attempts at rebuilding the spear were laughable. She's good at seeing the angles... except the only thing she correctly predicted was Penny being her friend, and that almost felt like they forced it in there to be like "look, she's like Louie too", instead of actually making her like Louie.

Which that said I think it would be really interesting if Della was good with people. That's what she brought to the first trio. Scrooge is Scrooge and no one can understand Donald. That's the impression I got, and then her social skills are rusty and she's hurt so she's struggling to connect. But we don't see that. She's kind of treated like a child. When I mentioned canon Della doesn't bring anything to the table besides "can fly without crashing", I feel like this socialness could have been something. Especially since the family fell apart in her absence. I wanted guilt over that and the show just brushed over it and Della acts like there isn't anything wrong with her family either.

I wonder if part of it was disney's insistence on focusing more on the kids. Because the creators often noted how disney kept wanting them to focus on the kids and not the adults so much like Fenton and Scrooge. And so the creators used up all their "adult" time on other characters. But, this might be a hot take, but I do wish they did focus more on the kids. I'm just a kids antics enjoyer tbh, so for once I think I'm kind of on the exec side. All of my favorite episodes have either the kids prominently featured, (or Della). I think we should have focused a bit more on just the main family. It's a large family as is, with plenty of room to bounce off each other, and the multigenerational layers are important to it. While Donald and Della aren't kids, skipping one of the generations most of the time, despite all the hype they gave to Della, I don't think was it.

I think Ducktales in general as a show is the kind of kitchen sink nonsense that needs at least 80 episodes to have all that stuff without being crowded. They were trying to squeeze in stuff from too many sources. They got too greedy with references and their cast. I like basically all of the characters. But when they can't even get the McDuck family tree straight, I think they needed to narrow their focus. If Disney was willing to commit to a 90+ episode series that was one thing. But this is Disney. And it ended up boiling their characters down to their bare bones, most humorous traits a lot of the time. It's like they flanderized Della before they even established her. I think its why I generally liked Quack Pack. The exaggeration felt purposeful, and the family was in a house being themselves.

But I think another part of why Della was different was the fact that the show didn't mostly didn't know how to follow up on the things they built up. So they just didn't. Like, Lena not getting mentioned for a while, or Della finding out about the estrangement off screen apparently (but iirc there's nothing actually in the show that implies she knows at all). Or Lena being adopted by Violet's family. They just didn't answer. It's weird that Webby didn't ask about her parents until the final episode despite being in a household full of mysteries (or that none of the boys asked her). It really makes the hand of the author obvious, and takes away from how alive the characters and world is when things are clearly only happening or shown if they are funny, or important to this episode plot. I think if we had narrowed the focus to the McDuck family, the writers may have at least thought about the continuity of the families lives a bit more. I think it part of what made the first season better, they had time and trust that they would follow up at that point, and the cast hadn't become bloated.

All that said they could have just made Della keep the traits they implied she had. Or not implied she had those traits at all.

[tehamelie]

Various fine opinions on the meaning of life contained in Monty Python's The Meaning of Life:

*Unionize your workplace, alternatively turn it into a pirate ship and take to the high seas. It'll piss off management either way.

*Question everything.

*Look at what you think you know from a different perspective.

*The pursuit of profit at all costs can and will ruin the meaning of any work and also make you worse at it.

*Gender roles are not necessarily assigned at birth.

*The Catholic church is not well.

"God has blessed us so much I can't afford to feed you all any longer."

*Just because you're allowed doesn't mean you should.

*You should not, and will not, die to "keep China British."

*God has many ways to cook you to death, if He wants to.

*Straight sex is so damn boring.

*Don't just stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

*Sport, like sex, only works between equal parties. Any other way and you invite horror and depravity. (That kid is definitely dead and the upperclassmen are just stomping on him anyway.)

*Actually, getting murdered playing rugby against adults two or three times your size is an excellent way to prepare you for fighting in a war.

*Even a good captain will be hated by their subordinates. This is the burden of command.

"We'll always need an army, and may God strike me down were it to be otherwise." *is immediately struck down by literal the hand of God*

*A fighting force is better served by a single soldier who actually wants to be there than twenty men who doesn't.

*There's a fine line between keeping one's cool in a heated situation and acting like you're on a bloody different planet when people are dying in front of you.

There are less than 4500 wild tigers left in the world. The "A tiger? In Africa?!" bit is less of a joke every year.

*In less than surprising news, killing people is bad for you. (It turns out, for psychologically healthy people, doing violence really hurts you as much as the victim.)

*Where is that fish?

*Theme restaurants could do with a bit of randomly mixed themes.

*Don't be afraid to ask the most idiotic questions about things you don't understand. That's how we learn.

*Oh ho it's the meaning of liver donation I get it now.

*The Galaxy Song is fun and all but don't give in to misanthropy.

*Matter is energy, the human soul grows with care and attention, and people aren't wearing enough hats.

*Actually, the movie makes a staggering point here and buries it with distracting nonsense jokes, while also making the point that we get sidetracked from self-actualization by distracting nonsense jokes. It's a point sandwich with joke filling.

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis? Shout out to happy penis havers, though I'm not one myself.

*M Creosote shows us that single-minded devotion to one's mission in life (eating an entire upscale French restaurant in one sitting, for example) will leave you unhappy and alone.

*Dunk antisemites in buckets of vomit.

*Gaston, the middle aged waiter, delivers a coherent personal philosophy as he walks us to the cottage where he was born. The significance of this cannot be overestimated. He decided to be a waiter, you see. Because he believes in something. It's a simple belief of giving, of loving people and bringing them joy. But be believes it with all his heart and he'll fight for the right to live the life he chose.

*If you have to die, but can choose the manner of your execution, try being hounded to death by naked women.

*See the world in a grain of sand, or a maple leaf as it were.

*Terry Pratchett was a great man and a great writer, but he's wrong about one thing: Death is relative. No, no, you can't argue away Death or shoot him, but he is subject to the laws of relativity. Consider the stars in the sky; at least one star that's visible to the naked eye I hear may be dead right now - it's 500 light years away and they think it may go supernova at any point within 500 years from now. But here, locally, the star still lives; there's no possible reality where it's gone until the light of its explosion reaches us.

*Heaven is a fantastically cheesy musical theater performance with angel santa claus strippers and a lead singer you just want to punch. Clearly we need to build something better here on Earth.

*Be nice, read books, take a walk sometimes, and try to live together in peace and harmony with people of all creeds and nations. Obviously.

*[The producers] hope that other fish will follow [the example of the movie] so that, in future, fish all over the world will live together in harmony and understanding, and put aside their petty differences, stop hunting and eating each other and live for a brighter, better future for all fish and those who love them. Yes, clearly this is about fish.

[eponastory]

Okay... this is ridiculous.

I am in no way dissing kataang. I understand it's a ship that is Canon (I'm not denying this) and have nothing against it other than the way it was handled in the OG series. To me, it was shoehorned in and very awkward. Personally, I like the direction the Netflix show is going where there is no hint of any kind of pairing other than Sokka's crucial romances. I also don't care for teenage relationships to begin with because it's tricky. Especially when it involves a 12 year old boy with a girl that is older. It's very... controversial. That is the eew part. Nothing wrong with them being adults later on, as I've stated in my previous post. But again, underage relationships are not my thing. Mainly because I am in my MID 30S and I mostly read stories that pertain to over 18 relationships. That is what I have to say.

But Jesus christ... yall gotta stop with the shipping wars. I've seen my fair share of them in my years of being in several Fandoms. Guys, gals, and those in between... people gonna do what they want! They are going to like what they want and love what makes them feel good. I happen to love several different things that don't always align with everyone else.

You've got both sides calling each other toxic when the majority just wants to live in harmony with their favorite ship. There is nothing wrong with that. This goes for all ships. I have my preferences and they aren't going to match up with everyone else's. That's fine. It makes me feel nostalgic.

But don't tell me what to do. Don't tell anyone what they should feel or say. That's toxic.

Thank goodness I can say and feel what I want because Godzilla help yall if things don't go the way yall want.

Sorry, that's just my no nonsense done with everyone's bullshit side coming out because I've seen some shit from different Fandoms over the years. It left me shaking my head and wondering if any of it is really that important.

Oh well, I'm just preaching to the choir here.

[luveline]

I'm sorry to send you such a loaded question, but as a young adult, how do you stay motivated and... I don't know, do the things you have to do? Ever since I left high school, I've felt that it's hard to commit to anything, especially the things I have to commit to in order to have a future, because everything seems so monotonous and uninteresting and stressful to me; because I feel like I'm not capable of doing anything, of being competent.

Anyways, I love your blog. Your writings are one of the few things that make me happy on the worst days xx

that’s okay! I’m gonna try and answer you clearly !! cw for suicide mention

So first I want to say that I’m really sorry you feel this way! It’s quite a heart ache to feel uninspired or uninterested, or worse to feel like you’re not capable of doing things everyone else is doing. You deserve to wake up and feel happy and confident in yourself and your abilities! And I want to say I’m sorry in advance if this is not quite the answer you’re asking me for!

so, when I was around 18/19 (and well beyond those years, but this was when I was very done and defeated and, you know, crying myself sick every night if I wasn’t just laying in bed) I was in university, but I didn’t finish the year at campus, and I had to go home. I’m not sure if this is something I should be saying because it’s so personal but I just want to sort of be honest with you cos I don’t want you to think you’re alone in that feeling. But anyways I had to go home, I was really lonely and I just felt like I couldn’t do what everyone else was doing, like there was something wrong with me. I couldn’t cope with the kitchen, I couldn’t use the bathroom there, I didn’t know how to turn the heating on, couldn’t talk to people, couldn’t navigate the bus by myself, and I felt so pathetically stupid, I had such low self esteem for myself that I felt like I should kill myself just because I was so useless —I didn’t WANT to understand these things. I just didn’t want to do anything. And the reason I’m mentioning it is because while I don’t think it’s okay to assume these things of you, I want to emphasise that there can be a common link between feeling like you aren’t capable and a mental health issue! Of course, you can feel quite useless without that though, so not telling you that that’s definitely what you have going on but more wanting to say that if you think it might be useful, you can have a look at mental health issues and perhaps see if you’re relating to them. But beyond that, hopefully on the way to answering your question, is how I managed to feel more capable and how I now find motivation to do things I have to do.

I sort of had to do a reset, or a sabbatical! I’ve always been an upset person unfortunately, and I had a long few months where I didn’t do anything at all. I’m really, really fortunate that my mother let me stay at home while this was happening however reluctant she was, I can’t imagine really what I would’ve done or what could’ve happened to me if she didn’t let me stay there. I always thought about how she could’ve just turned me out and she probably wanted to, because for months I stayed in bed. I didn’t talk to anybody, deleted all my social media, and I stewed in how much I hated myself for not being any good at anything. I felt soooo stupid and so alone, and I probably cried myself to sleep every night wondering about my life and if I’d ever have the motivation to go on. There are still times now where I am intensely upset and unsure about things and what I’m capable of, but the difference between then and now, and the reason for my motivation I think, was that I was able to foster a need for something? I’m really so sorry if this sounds like total total nonsense, but I needed something. I wanted so badly for someone to “save me” from my not being able to do things, I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Like, how I could be saved. And then I strung out the middle man without realising I was doing it! It is very hard to go from having no motivation and no sense of self ability to then being confident, but I do think you can do it! I needed someone to get me a job and I ended up doing it myself, I needed someone to be gentle with me when I was sad so I started speaking to myself with a more kind inner voice and seeing myself as someone who didn’t need to be perfect to be good.

There was lots of bits of advice I tried to take on. Not all of it is kind to myself, some of it is though!! Like, for example, there’s a sort of parody of it now that says “I think you’re thinking about yourself too much” but one of the ways I stopped hating myself and instead started to believe I could do things and achieve was by thinking about the level of self obsession I was feeling to constantly think of myself. And I promise I’m not trying to say something hurtful to you, I absolutely don’t believe you’re self obsessed, but you’re also not incapable!! In a slightly more annoying take on your feelings, why can’t you do it if everyone else can? You absolutely can! I personally believe sweetheart that you can do everything I can, but you need more support, or you need to be fostered with some love. You are not incapable, you are not incompetent, you are a smart, kind, and important person. There is nobody else like you on the entire planet and I’m better for it that you’re here.

I apologise profusely if I’m projecting too much on you, I’m not trying to say you must feel exactly as I did years ago, but I think your ask really is important and I really want to give you an answer to your question because I know I felt exactly the same at some point. Working toward a future self I didn’t even like or believe in was boring. Nothing in me wanted to work hard or study or continue because I didn’t look forward to achievement.

sorry this is all so long! Hopefully this last bit is the actual advice you might be able to use. Beyond that wisdom about trying not to dedicate too much time to thinking of myself, there are lots of “rules” I tend to live by, in order to just keep going forward. For starters, you deserve to have fun. You deserve good food, nice clothes (not showy though you deserve those too, but nice sturdy clothing), a warm safe house, and you need to work for it! We defo deserve to work less for things but I keep going and trying to better myself because I know I need to do this in order to be comfortable. This will sound out of left field, because the focus of the book is not strictly motivation, but there’s a graphic novel called my lesbian experience with loneliness by Nagata Kabi that has stuck with me because she has this same sort of view as to feeling like she’s stuck in monotony, and there’s one bit in particular where she talks about doing things for yourself you might not do, I.e making sure you have underwear and socks that are clean and whole. I grew up poor and I’m not super rich now either, but since I read that, one of my priorities is having whole and clean underwear, and that did help me find the motivation to work or to study. We need to function in a way to maintain good standards for ourselves, and even if you have boxes of clean socks, there might be something in your life you can think about working toward! I throw away underwear or any clothes that don’t fit me right, and I don’t feel guilty about it when I would’ve before because I know that feeling well dressed is good for your heart. Does that make sense? To give yourself a good standard of life, you have to keep going. As well as that, another way I stay motivated to go on which I’ve talked about before maybe (not that I expect you to have read this) is my writing. I’m motivated sometimes to do things I have to if only because I need free time to think deeply about the things I want to think about. Also I love writing more than pretty much anything, even if most writers will look at what I’m doing and laugh or wonder why I’d dedicate so much time to some things in particular, because I love it. If I can make sure my rent is paid every month, that’s a promise I have a room to sit in every night where I can write whatever story I want! Another motivation is my ability to give bits of myself? It sounds ridiculous because I don’t genuinely believe I’m giving myself to people but to try and be a positive part of someone life is a good place to start if you feel purposeless. My relationships with my sisters are a tether for me and I’ve tried so hard and so much to make these relationships count, as well as with long distance friends, and recently ish I got back into contact with friends I couldn’t maintain relationships with when I was feeling down, and now my life feels very changed. I don’t live solely for myself, (though it’s okay if you do, because its hard and sometimes a lot of pressure to live for and around others) so that gives my life more purpose, and gives me more reason to do things I have to do. I also desperately enjoy this blog !!

I’m genuinely so sorry if this is all useless. I’ve been typing this answer since like 1:05 and it’s much later now, but it’s because it’s hard to describe to you the things that give motivation, because I know deep down how impossible it feels when you have none. I don’t expect you to read this and think aw jade you’ve solved it I’m fine now actually, I just hope that one thing in here can lend you an idea as to what to do next. If you’re struggling to go on, there are lots of options available to you in the UK such as the SHOUT text line for stress, depression, and eating disorders. They’re free to text and anonymous! I don’t think there’s one answer to giving yourself purpose, it is a very hard life and I don’t blame you for feeling incapable or bored or worried or anything you’re feeling, but I do for sure know you can do this, because I can do it, if that makes sense. Like I bet we’re extremely different people on account of uniqueness but also bet we have so many similarities!! And I certainly don’t mind guessing that you’re a loving, caring, person who deserves to feel more fulfilled. It’s my recommendation that you try to understand why you’re not feeling your best right now, that you talk to someone if you can, that you have some faith in yourself, and that you treat yourself with the same love and patience as you would any other person experiencing burnout! again I’m so so sorry if this is all rubbish. I’m forcing myself to stop now. So sorry if it doesn’t make sense or if half of this is completely unrelated to what you’re asking. I love you and I hope you feel better, genuinely truly ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[jitterbugjive]

I hate that people can easily find the stupid and shitty things I said and did over 5 years ago and jump to the conclusion that that's who I am, and there's no easy way for anyone to see all the efforts I've been making since then to NOT be that person. It's hard to find all my apologies and explanations because I didn't tag them all properly. I've tried time and time again to explain that I was mimicking the behavior bad adults gave me when I was growing up and that no one really called me out on that behavior until it was too late. I've tried to explain that since then I've been going through extensive therapy to separate bad learned behavior from who I want to actually be. There's so much more to this whole story than what one small chunk of the internet is making it out to be. People who actually know me know that this has been eating me up constantly and that I am always living in fear of losing everything to this drama.

especially since some of that info takes quotes out of context, jumps to conclusions that aren't true, or flat out lies about what certain artworks are depicting or meaning to convey (Like claiming a grown ass adult is a child even tho I have proof the character looks totally different as an adult than as a child, or claiming that a shock piece meant to make people reel back in horror was a fetish when it was not at all that)

It takes clips of things without the full picture and puts words in my mouth.

Here's a little something about how I used to talk about sore subjects: I would make a controversial sounding statement, but then I would explain myself in a way that would show the statement wasn't as bad as I was making it out to be. A lot of the time they just take that bad statement and paste it for the world to see, without giving any of that context of me explaining why I said that and why it's not what it sounds like.

I wish people were smart enough to spot cherry picking when they see it, but they just aren't. They'll see one sentence, and someone saying "look they're supporting this bad thing" and that's all they need to think that's what it is. People aren't smart enough to really ask questions and try to understand a situation, all they want is face value to tell them how to think and feel.

People aren't going to bother to listen to me because I'm "the bad guy" and I'll "say anything to cover my ass".

Listen, if I was really that horrible of a person, don't you think there would be more evidence out there that is very clear and blunt and not just making assumptions on what a thing means?

I'm never gonna sit here and say what I said and did wasn't wrong, it was, but it was not done because I was trying to be a terrible person or prey on anyone. It was because I was insanely misguided by someone who groomed me for 5 years since childhood and then abused me for another 3 in a really toxic relationship. And then I never got HELP for it, I never got therapy to cope with it, I never even realized until way later that 'holy shit this person was 7 years older than me and was taking advantage of me the whole time'. Like I knew they were abusive but adults being friends with children was so normalized in my head, and throughout my life many adults or older kids exposed me to things I shouldn't have been and it skewed in my head what was appropriate behavior or not. Or what was okay to draw or not. And a lot of my opinions were formed around this adult who convinced me things like loli/shota were fine as long as they were strictly made up, and he fed me a lot of nonsense about what does and doesn't make a predator to cover his own ass. I was seriously fucked up almost beyond repair for a long time.

I have a warning on my blog now that minors shouldn't be following me, I make it a point to not ever work with minors on projects or talk to a minor in any capacity beyond a fan to artist relationship. I understand now that it is my responsibility as a NSFW artist that I simply cannot have minors as friends. And being much older now I don't even want minors as friends anyway. When I was in my early 20s the age gap didn't feel as bad but I'm definitely feeling it now and I just don't want to deal with minors any more.

I'm not a danger to anyone, I'm not spewing apologetics for horrible people, I've been doing my best to be a much better and more informed person

And I have no easy way to prove any of it in a way that will matter

I'm only talking about this now because once again I was kicked out of something because someone found that old info and that was all it took. No one cares about my side of things.

And I don't know if this will ever go away

I don't know if I'll ever find any amount of comfortable success because I can't get rid of this shit and on the internet it doesn't matter how long ago you did something or how much you've changed, you did it and therefor you're bad forever.

I hate this shit so much.

[this-acuteneurosis]

I kind of want to get you started on mind tricks. cause like weak minded to strong minded dynamic and the blur away, but also the sith back in the day were for SURE a Caste system of force sensitive rulers and non force sensitives, and the jedi were their ENEMY off and on for thousands of years, cultural bleed through and dynamics of their own power systems but Ben we are not the droids you are looking for go away so I dont have to kill you, versus Qui hey I want this thing trade it for me.

Alright, Oct anon, it's been a while, but I have not forgotten you definitely forgot this ask in my drafts for who even knows how many months but it's found again, whoo!

It's taken me a while to get this together partly to try and arrange my thoughts in a logical order but also...

Guys, I really, really care about the use of agency in stories. Like, I've ranted about it in relation to droids, I've explained some of my problems with it in the context of the thematic changes between the OT and the PT, I stew over it constantly in my brain, it's a central theme of many of my own stories (including DLB).

I really don't like mind control, and not just in Star Wars.

Now, just because I don't like a thing doesn't mean it doesn't have a place in story telling. As a device, mind control/manipulation can be useful or important to a plot. To a theme. Overcoming it can be powerful or cool (Ella Enchanted-I prefer the novel personally, Tanjiro in Demon Slayer: Mugen Train), watching someone succumb to it can be agonizing (Frodo in Return of the King, anyone? Princess Euphemia in Code Geass?).

So, what is the point of Mind Tricks (and that naming choice, "trick," making it sound almost...harmless) in the Star Wars story, and maybe in the universe?

I feel like in its initial reveal, the mind trick was supposed to a) convey how "magical" Jedi were and b) get the plot from point A to B. Obi-Wan waves his hand, someone believes something hideously untrue, move along move along, don't think about it too hard.

Like, literally, audience, please. Don't.

Luke uses it in RotJ for pretty much the same reason. To convery a) Luke is well on his way to being a "magical" Jedi now (oh but wait, there's more character growth he needs!), and b) Luke needs to get into Jabba's palace and why would they let him in? Because he says so, so we will take him to Jabba now. Move along, move along.

I don't like the implications of this power existing, and as an adult who has been in situation where I have to report to higher powers, the disregard of the consequences of these things are a bit darker if I look too closely, but like...move along, I guess. It's fine as long as we're only using these powers on space nazis and slavers. Right?

Except then we get more movies. And cartoons. It's fine if Obi-Wan mind controls a person into not smoking, right? Smoking is Bad and Obi-Wan is Good.

Only.

Only...

Who taught Obi-Wan to use mind tricks?

Ah yes, my old nemesis.

To all you Qui-Gon fans out there, you may wanna leave. This analysis is probably not for you.

So like, Qui-Gon Jinn. Qui-Gon "I'm friends with the current Chancellor and thus an obvious, notable representative of the Jedi Order but I don't get along with my higher ups" Jinn. The thing you have to understand about my opinion of him is that, as a young, first time watcher of TPM, I liked him. He was funny, irreverent, direct. He was wise, or at least seemed to know things no one else did. He was a maverick, ready to go against all orders and advice for what he knew was right. And everyone around him was just stuffy and uninformed.

And to be fair, he wasn't wrong about everything. He's set up to be sympathetic. He's trying to treat with the gungans and they won't listen? Well he and Obi-Wan are right, the Trade Federation does go for the gungans. The Order says there are no Sith? Oops, wrong on that one. The Council makes the ambiguous assertion Anakin is "too old" to train. We've seen the OT. We know "too old" is nonsense.

But like, what does Qui-Gon do when he's thwarted?

He takes away people's agency.

Oh, you don't want to help us, Boss Nass, political leader? Cool, well I'm gonna undermine you in front of your entire court and you're gonna give us a whole ship (that we won't return) to help us defend a people you've been in an active war with for centuries. Oh, my currency doesn't work on this planet? I think it will mister small time junk dealer with a gambling problem (jokes on you for that one, sir).

This to me is a huge red flag in a story that is about literal slaves. I know people will defend the above examples. It was necessary. There were lives at stake.

You wanna know who would have suffered if Qui-Gon had been able to con Watto out of that part?

Anakin and Shmi.

Worthless (or event mostly worthless) currency on a planet where you have to buy water is literal death under the right circumstances. And who do you think Watto's going to reduce rations on. He's got cash flow problems? What's the quickest way for him to make back what he just lost? I'll give you a hint, he gambles on them later in the exact same movie.

So like, well before we get to "weak minded" or anything dubious like that, there's this awkward question of, "Why are the good guys always using powers to make people do things? And not worried about the consequences?"

And like, if we go back to simple story narratives, and trying to move things from point A to point B, that's fine I guess. I enjoy the OT. I'll move along.

But if you ask me to stop and think about it.

Well...

[offlineblues]

(this is heavily opinionated about aiyu and yuai)

hmm so... this is mostly coming from nonsense disagreement in my head, but i feel like i want to throw it here because i was thinking about it

i got kind of perplexed recently when i saw someone's opinion (in Ysk's tag) that was something like

"Ysk is aroace coded so i don't understand why people would draw him in an intimate relationship" (worded much more blamefully to the people who do draw him intimately within his various couples as though they committed a sin for doing so)

personally... i also think Ysk is asexual, so i understand where that person is coming from with that kind of opinion. but, i didn't understand shaming those who do see it as a possibility...

it's hard to say or pinpoint the exact moment in time when he may feel vulnerable or open enough for that kind of thing... but, likely it's very much a post-canon deal. though, considering he's never experienced a romantic relationship, i can't imagine he'd automatically be averse to that kind of relationship or experience (in the way that he would never want to experience it with a romantic partner) just because of trauma reasons... trauma can be recovered from with someone you love, little by little

i don't know. coupling is partly a delusion (even with as much semi-canon evidence something like aiyu or yuai has) and i'm definitely someone who wants him to have a growing relationship over time with Aichan, so it just felt strange to see it said in such a way that it's never a possibility for him or that it's wrong to portray it that way at all

like... for me, i think as far as within the show's canon timeframe, i can agree it's out of the question. they're emotionally and psychologically not prepared for a relationship (let alone an intimate one at the time of the events)

the show takes course over time for about a year, so Ysk will turn 17 and be closer to making adult decisions for himself and forming the kind of bright future he wants to grasp alongside his partner...

for Ysk, i think it would take a lot of time to overcome the fears of losing what matters most to him, a lot of introspection to realize that those feelings are romantic ones to begin with because he's never had the opportunity to lead a normal life until after everything is settled, and then to have the realization that he wants to pursue it mutually with that partner

everything has to align rather carefully, huh...

i do try to be careful with it because i understand that the purehearted aiyu and yuai fans could be offended by sexual depictions of them (various reasons) so i keep it separated from this kind of space and don't talk about my opinions much besides vaguely because the last thing i want is my words to be twisted or misinterpreted, lol

as far as aiyu or yuai, i think Ysk wants to return Aichan's love that was shown to him, and Aichan wants to be with Ysk forever, so it's really mutual and sweet and angsty considering it all. though, even if it's healthily mutual, it would take time to get to the point of kissing or anything further (which they can and should do because it would be healing for them to experience that kind of love together as romantic partners)

...and isn't that fine? isn't it fine to envision this couple eventually healing to the point that they have mutually desired intimacy and love? after time passes?

anyway, that's just (part of) my opinion regarding that... and if you would be possibly offended that i drew them and want them to be lovey-dovey and intimate, maybe you should head out of here, haha