#nonny thank you for this bc I was about to delete that ask game out of embarrassment rip

[whydotheycallmechimney]

sending u ruby for the ask game. go for it

How I feel about this character: LOVE OF MY LIFE!!! from the moment I first saw her in s3 I knew I would be weirdly obsessed with her. aside from both actresses being extremely gorgeous, I just think she's a really fascinating character??? like name another character so devoted to their cause and dedicated to their con...also an evil woman taking advantage of my favorite character? hell yeah.

All the people I ship romantically with this character: sam!!!! though I don't know if I enjoy them as a traditional romantic pairing...mostly they're just fun to psychoanalyze and put in fucked up situations. she made herself his mother mary you guys!! also dean...I think her being one of his mirrors means they should fuck. also anna...and meg...and ava in an alternate universe where she won the special kids hunger games <3

My non-romantic OTP for this character: oh wait I should put dean here bc I don't ship them ship them, they should just be hostile and horny about it together <3

My unpopular opinion about this character: okay so I think I'm too much of a fandom newb to answer this bc I don't know the popular opinion about her. I know the fandom circle I'm in loves her and also doesn't view her relationship with sam through rose tinted glasses soo....yeah, sorry I've got nothing

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: mostly I really wished we could have seen an alternate version of s5 where she lived. just to see her dynamic with lucifer and if she would have remained loyal to him till the end. also I think her and meg would have been really good foils of each other smh

give me a character and I'll break their ass down

[queen-scribbles]

Currents

"Play" 👀 emoji prompt for an anon that I accidentally deleted. So nonny, I hope you see this and ty for the excuse to write more Evony/Bao-Dur bc for him being an unromanceable companion from a 19-year old game, this relationship still has me in a chokehold.

---

Evony's thoughts were in a whirl as the Ebon Hawk lifted off from Dxun. The ship yawed slightly, making Atton mutter a curse about the rear stabilizer before leveling out and burning sky.

If she thought getting away from Onderon would help her level out, though, she was mistaken. Kavar's words wouldn't stop echoing, and hours later, with everyone asleep, she found herself still with a racing mind and uneasy spirit. As was her habit in such times, she wandered through the main parts of the ship seeking a distraction, something to help settle her thoughts.

She found it, as usual, in the garage. Bao-Dur was once again working on the wiring that ran through one wall, focus consumed by the task.

"Want some help?" Evony asked. Tinkering or repair would be the perfect solution to her restlessness, but if he wanted to handle this alone, she could always find T3.

Bao-Dur paused, nudging up his welding goggles as he turned to look at her. "If you would like," he said with a nod. "I'm almost finished; just checking all the connections are sound before routing power back. A few were burned out in the ... excitement of our arrival."

She chuckled as she lowered herself to sit cross-legged and check the lower set of wiring. "You took care of that quickly."

"I needed the distraction while you were in Iziz," he said, a touch wry as he hung the soldering gun at his belt and flicked on the scanner to check the repairs.

"But you survived," she teased. The wires down here looked alright at first glance, but a closer look revealed a couple showing signs of strain.

"I did." The warmth of an almost-laugh colored the words.

"I'm glad." Evony double-checked there was no power flowing through the compromised wires before she set to work replacing them. "And glad you seem to be in better spirits." A large portion of the background tension and simmering anger she'd sensed in him since they arrived had faded.

Bao-Dur nodded, not looking away from his task. "Mostly thanks to not being... there any more."

She knew he didn't just mean Dxun, though she was also glad to be away from the humid jungle moon. And the bugs. "I figured. Our new companion isn't going to be a problem for you, is he?" She wasn't even sure why Mandalore had wanted to join her, but more help was a good thing. Usually.

"I'll be civil," Bao-Dur promised, and Evony believed him, even if he hadn't really answered her question and she could sense the banked embers of his anger toward the Mandalorians flare a little.

"Thank you," she said, plasma cutter sparking as she removed the damaged wire. "That's more than I get from some." The shared a chuckle at that. "But I also meant... in general, since Telos. You seem to be in a better frame of mind now than you were."

"Oh, that would be your doing."

The plasma cutter slipped. "Me?"

"Surely you've noticed, Evony," Bao-Dur said softly, glancing down. "Not just because of us. But just having you around has had an effect on me. I never noticed it... before. Though I suppose my thoughts were occupied."

It caught her off-guard and she fell back on half-joking. "Clearly, then, it's because I'm no longer wearing that boring Republic uniform."

He chuckled. "While I'll freely admit your new wardrobe is an improvement, that's really just a pleasant distraction."

Warmth tingled in her chest--and her face--and Evony had to steady her voice before she could ask, "Well, then, how do you mean?" Her gaze briefly met his before dropping back to her task.

"I'm..." he hesitated, searching for a word, and she could sense his uncertainty. "More in control. Calmer." He set the goggles back over his eyes and returned to work as well. "My anger may still be there, but I can feel it slipping away."

Evony bit her lip, a small mote of relief dancing through her chest. Good.

"It's defined so much of my life," Bao-Dur continued, voice low, but those embers stirred slightly. "No matter the source, it's been there; the Mandalorians, Czerka, Revan..."

It had the potential to hurt, but with how he'd trailed off, she had to ask. "And... what about me?"

He stopped soldering and went very still, his emotions a bright whirl she could sense without even trying.

She paused as well, hands resting in her lap. "I did give the order."

"Never," Bao-Dur said fiercely. He yanked the goggles down to dangle around his neck as he dropped to one knee so he could catch her eye. "Not once, General. It had to be done."

Her heart thudded a few extra-loud beats at his fervency, his use of her long-ago title, before Evony regained her composure. "Then the same is true for what you did," she said, quiet but firm.

He shook his head, gaze darting to the side. "My hands destroyed the Mandalorians. Caused countless deaths. I cannot be forgiven for that."

"Why not?" she retorted, cupping one hand to his jaw to make him look at her. "Bao-Dur, if my decision, my actions, were necessary, then so were yours," she added gently. "Following your logic, either we're both guilty or neither of us is."

Bao-Dur managed a weak smile, leaning ever so slightly into her touch. "Even if my contributions were made out of hatred for the Mandalorians?" he whispered. "Rather than anything so noble as Jedi ideals or ending the war to spare lives?"

Evony shifted, sitting on her calves to put them more or less at eye level. "I don't think that was your whole motivation. I may have... blocked some of the memories, but knowing you, you did it to protect. Maybe it was easier to not dwell on the cost with an enemy you hated, but I know you, Bao, and you are a shield. You put yourself in the path of harm to save others. stars know you've done it enough for me and the rest of our crew. Malachor was just... sacrificing something less physical." Though even that wasn't entirely true, she conceded, glancing at the soft glow of his cybernetic arm. "But you are a"--my--"protector."

"You have far too generous a view of me." He exhaled a wry laugh, withdrawing from her touch with a shake of his head. "I can't see it that way. I don't want to. There is blood on my hands I cannot ignore."

"No, there isn't," she hissed. She could feel his anger and his guilt, twining together like Dxun vines, and it made her ache with worry for him. It would eat him alive if he let it.

He seemed inclined to let it.

"There is no blood on your hands," she repeated emphatically. "Not beyond what your guilt has forced you to imagine."

"And what of you, General?" Bao-Dur fixed her with a keen, steady look. "I know you try to shoulder that weight, for making the decision, but either we're both guilty or neither of us is."

Evony almost cackled at him throwing her words back on her, but didn't want to wake anyone. Well played. "I suppose we'll just have to shoulder it together, then. Real or imagined."

"A burden shared is one halved? Isn't that the saying?" he asked, rubbing the back of his head.

"Something like that," she nodded, playing with a loose thread in her sleeve.

Bao-Dur studied her a moment longer. "I do... envy you, sometimes," he said softly.

You shouldn't, was the first thought to pop in her head, but Evony held it back in favor of "Why?"

"You seem to be handling this better than I could," he mumured.

"I wasn't," she admitted. "Not for a long time. I was adrift. Trying to hide myself where the ache of remembering couldn't find me."

He cocked his head. "What changed?"

"The Force... came back." That time wandering truly alone had been... Sometimes hellish. Sometimes a relief. And then the faint stirring current awakened on Peragus and- Evony briefly levitated and spun the plasma cutter before letting it drop back into her hand. "The stronger and deeper that connection gets, the more it helps me find balance."

Bao-Dur's eyes flickered with... something and he turned back to the disassembled wall. "When you talk about it like that, it almost makes me wish I had it for myself."

"You could." She blurted the words before she overthought and held it back. She'd sensed the potential not long after Telos, quiet and buried beneath his anger and guilt but undeniable.

He blinked at her, caught off-balance. "What?"

Evony reached out, lightly resting a hand on his chest. "I can feel the Force in you. Faint, untapped, but definitely there. Like Atton. Like Mira." She wrinkled her nose. "Even if she won't admit it yet."

"You can?" The words were rough, barely more than a whisper.

She nodded. "It can be a comfort, a source of strength and peace if you let it. And I can teach you, if you want, but..." She bit her lip, pressed her hand more firmly against his chest, until she could feel his heartbeat and the warmth of his skin through his shirt. "You have to let go of your anger first, or it will destroy you."

The thought of it made her stomach knot and heart race; she would rather die than watch the vitriol he held toward the Mandalorians and Czerka consume him. She mentally reached for calm, soothing the concern-teetering-on-fear.

Bao-Dur held her gaze, his hand resting lightly on her elbow. "I think... I could manage that."

"Are you sure?" Evony whispered. "I don't want to watch you lose yourself to something that claimed too many of my friends."

He nodded. "With you, I feel I could do anything."

Long-ingrained, oft-repeated Jedi cautions against attachment, against possessiveness flitted through her mind, but she let them slide away and took his words at face value. Faith in her. Not a connection deeper than they should have, deep enough to be a problem.

"Alright." Evony settled back cross-legged and gestured for him to join her.

Bao-Dur mirrored her pose, so close their knees brushed. She held out her hands, palm up, and he gave her his with the barest pause to strip off his work glove. They were both warm, the metal of the cybernetic one seeming to hum as it rested against hers. Evony let herself be distracted for the briefest moment to trace her fingers across that palm before reining in her thoughts.

"Relax and focus on my voice," she murmured, just catching his nod as her eyes closed. She felt it when he relaxed, in both the Force and his light grip. "The Force can be your shield. It can bring comfort to salve your guilt."

With his guard down, Bao-Dur's presence was so bright this close. While Atton had been brighter, enough to sear or blind, this was soft, welcoming even with how strong it was. The potential in him shone like a beacon at her encouragement, but the coils of guilt and anger--so much anger--still pulsed around it.

"But it can also be twisted into something terrible," Evony continued, voice still low to keep this just for them. "That will destroy others and yourself."

He was so open to her, she felt she could reach in and soothe the guilt for him, douse the anger, chase away what had haunted him so long. But she knew from experience, to truly heal the hurt, he needed to do it. Confront it and let it go. She would help if he asked, but only then.

"Your anger fills you," she said softly. "It threatens to consume you, every time you think of Malachor."

His fingers twitched against her wrist and she understood. Malachor was a wound for them both. The moment something broke and set not-quite-right over the ensuing years. Maybe through facing the decade-old hurt they could finally heal. Together.

"You have to find a way to let it go." She opened herself so he could feel the calm flow of the Force inside her and draw from it. "Let the Force heal you, and protect you. Let it be the shield for you that you so often are for others."

Bao-Dur took a deep breath, his hand briefly tightening on hers. She felt the beginnings of struggle as he reached to follow her guiding, the stuttered flickering of that potential in him, the moment he found and latched on to her own connection to draw strength for his.

His hands were so warm as they rested against hers. The thought was a tether to reality as she 'watched' Bao-Dur's faint sense of the Force flare and grow. He wasn't using her as a conduit after the first few seconds; his connection stronger and steadier and washing away the anger and guilt.

They didn't entirely fade, but the strangling grasp they'd had on him was gone.

Evony was sure he could feel her relief at that development. She wasn't trying to stifle it.

His reaction was, as usual for him, restrained. A catch to his breathing, a few deeper breaths as the new level of awareness clicked into place.

"So this is... what you had--have--to draw on?" Bao-Dur murmured, blinking a few times as they both opened their eyes. His breathing was still uneven, hands twitching slightly atop hers.

"Mmhm." Evony nodded as she sat back. “It can be a bit of an ebb and flow. It took me a little while to… even out when my own connection reestablished. But if you work with it, if you’re open to it, it’s easier to align. And after you’re comfortable with it, the Force is a very useful thing to have.”

“Like a new limb?” he asked dryly.

She chuckled, fingers tracing his metal palm. “Very much like it, in fact.” She arched a brow at him. “You might have an advantage there.”

Bao-Dur half-smiled, cocking his head head as if listening to something. "That would be nice."

Evony let her fingers trace and trail the palm, fingers, back of his cybernetic hand a few moments more. "And you know I'm happy to help if you need it."

He nodded, rolling his shoulders as he shifted back and pushed to his feet. "Atton said it felt like having too much energy for your skin at first, and I see where he was coming from."

She accepted the hand up he offered. "Sounds about right. You learn to regulate the flow as you adjust. Part of being a Jedi is always learning, making changes for new knowledge. The Force is also good at... working with you, for lack of a better term." Aside from him and Atton, she'd never taught anyone about this, never had to explain how it worked. It just did. "It responds to your emotions and thoughts, what you want from it." She rested a hand on his arm. "That's why you needed to let go of your anger; it's such a strong emotion, it tends to overwhelm everything else. Even the best of intentions."

Bao-Dur chuckled. "Always three steps ahead and looking out for your people."

You more than any. Those were definitely un-Jedi thoughts. But it was late, and they were true, so Evony let them linger for now. They keep saying I'm no longer a Jedi, anyway.... "Whenever I can." She cleared her throat, remembering their original task, and gestured vaguely toward the wall. "Are we done? Is this all good? I don't want to traipse off and leave you with more work."

He shook his head slightly, one corner of his mouth tipping upward. "You better than anyone know I enjoy this sort of work. However..." He checked the wires she'd repaired with the scanner, seeming unsurprised when it flickered confirming white. "We do appear to be finished. I'll route power back..."

"Before you go-" Evony gave his arm a light squeeze, then reached her other hand toward the workbench across the garage, calling the dualblade lightsaber hilt to her hand. While she hadn't had time to tinker with any of the new acquisitions from Dxun, she'd at least peeked at the innards of the scavenged lightsabers to confirm they were decent and unbroken. "To help you feel the part a little more." She offered it to him. "This'll be the easiest adjustment from your war-blade. If you want it," she added hastily, picking on the current of uncertainty from him.

While he did hesitate a beat longer, Bao-Dur reach out and took the lightsaber hilt. "It's hard to deny how effective they are," he said. "After watching you and Atton decimate anything stupid enough to get in our way."

Evony laughed, only just remembering to keep it quiet, and even as she opened her mouth to point out the ignition switch, he thumbed it on. Should've know he'd figure out anything even slightly tech in a heartbeat, she thought as the pale blue blades hummed to life. "You can change the color and other crystals if you want."

He nodded, gaze still on the lightsaber quietly humming in his grasp. "This... feels right, though. At least for now." He shut it down and met her gaze as he clipped the hilt to his belt. "Thank you."

She smiled. "You're welcome." She felt much more centered. Calmer. Her concerns over what Kavar revealed were settled, at least in part. "And thank you." She cocked her head toward the wall. "For letting me help."

Bao-Dur matched her smile. "Any time you need." He caught her wrist as she started to leave, tugged her back to brush the fainst kiss to her temple. "Rest well, General."

Evony chuckled and didn't correct him. "I will."

She could feel the current of the Force that bonded them now as they went their separate ways, and was fairly confident she could keep that promise.

[yooniesim]

i might ramble a bit here, i hope you dont mind, and its ok if you decide to delete this ask instead of posting it :)

i've found your content quite recently, and i really enjoy your CC! it has added a very nice touch to my game, especially your teeth sets, and ig i just wanted to let you know that! finding out that you were one of the rare CC creators who keep their stuff free was a really pleasant surprise

i honestly never understood the paywall thing. modding was never supposed to be an income source. coming from other modding communities back to ts4 after taking a break from the game is always such a jarring experience. i swear no other community has anything like this going on, i dont know how ppl can look at this and think it's normal, or even go out of their way to defend it

this community is honestly so stressful, and i'm not even up to date with any drama bc i stay as far away from that side of the community as possible... ig it's just. very refreshing to see someone speak out abt it from time to time

i hope you have an excellent day! don't forget to hydrate, it's important! sorry for rambling on your inbox, i had some scattered thoughts and no one to talk to abt them

Hi nonny! Thank you for the kind words 💜 I'm glad you enjoy my cc, and no worries at all about rambling- we all need to now and again! (I especially know this well lol)

I agree with what you said about paywalling and how stressful this community is. Remember to take care of yourself too, nonny! When it gets a little too much, I just log off to play my game or spend time with my family. And cuddle with my cat! That really makes me feel better haha.

(And sometimes these days I go and play other modded games like stardew, skyrim, and fallout... makes me feel normal about the whole anti-monetization thing again ajdhkfh)

Feel free to come back and chat anytime, and I hope you're having a good day today~

[kindlespice]

late ass replies but this time i have so much stuff to reply to that i actually need to split things up into categories :))))

also i apologize if any of this is no longer relevant / i am of absolutely no help :)))

otherwise, if you’ve asked a reshade related question...uh... sometime between christmas and now LMAO then it’s probably here!

nonny :

Hello Mikayla, I hope you're having a lovely year so far. I just wanted to ask this about the dove preshade (1st question here) kindlespice/tumblr/com/post/632163463099269120/ft-reshade-questions-a-theme-question-nonny i'm having the same problem, i have a new computer and after installing the game and it's last 3 updates and then the reshade it's not looking the same and it sucks bc i know how it's supposed to look (1)

the shadows are not as noticeable, the transparency between the walls is not there and the blur is gone (i have miiko´s ghibli's cloud override but i had that on my old computer and the reshade still looked normal) idk if it's the game or the reshade but it sucks bc i love how the original looks like anyways it would be really helpfull if you could answer. Take care and stay safe :))!!! (2/2)

hi hi! thanks for the kind message and i hope your year is going well! if I had to take a guess, I would say that maybe some of your settings in-game have changed? I would double check and make sure you’ve got edge smoothing off, and you could try turning off post-processing as well (im not ACTUALLY sure if turning off post processing does anything but it’s worth a shot!) otherwise i would try removing the preset and redownloading it? maybe the settings of the preset got jacked up and you can fix it by re-installing. let me know if this helps! if not, then you can always dm me so i can see pics of your situation!

nonny:

Hi! Sorry if this is worded odd but I just downloaded your Leif reshade and have completed all the steps, however there is still this blur over the screen which isn't the best for game play. If you could help explain how to toggle it for gameplay/cas that would be great :)

hi hi! the blur is the DoF (depth-of-field). it’s used for taking screenshots and is supposed to make the background all blurry. to disable it, you can use the hotkey shift-2 or open the reshade menu and manually untick the DoF option!

nonny:

Hi, i just installed the latest version of the dove preset and my game is dark. It is the MXAO that is doing it but i don't have the preprocessor definitions box. How do i fix it?

hello! im assuming you have a 4.0 version of reshade if you can’t find the box. in this version, it’s a blue tab called “Edit Global Preprocessor Definitions” beneath all the toggleable effects. if you have an earlier version, it should be under the “settings” tab at the top though.

nonny:

Hello!! Thank you so much for your work! I have a really quick question - so I am trying to work with the reshade and got it all set but when I play around with it, my objects don’t look “rounded”. If that makes sense. Other people who use it, their objects look rounded and smooth and just different (I have an image for reference) but mine just looks like the normal objects just different colors. Is there something I’m missing or doing something wrong? I have all the settings correct. :)

hi hi! hmm, im not really sure what that could be... probably something to do with mxao bc it’s always something to do with mxao lol. I would double check to make sure you have this line in your preprocessor definitions: RESHADE_DEPTH_INPUT_IS_REVERSED = 0 this line should equal 0 for the mxao to work properly. that might give you the “rounded” look. if this doesn’t fix it for you then you should go ahead and dm me so i can see what the game looks like!

nonny:

Hey, I tried your Dove preset but my game just can't handle it, it's pretty old and I just have to uninstall the reshade (even though I really loved the effect) but I'm scared to do anything in the Game folder or delete anything. Could you please help me with what to remove? I'm scared to break my game if I delete something that souldn't be deleted :( I tried searching for this in your WCIF and reshade questions and couldn't find an answear. Please help

hello! sorry to hear that your game can’t handle the preset :( here’s to hoping you can get an upgrade in the future! anyhow, to uninstall; i believe you only need to remove 

ReShade - config settings (it’ll have a little paper w/ gear next to it)

d3d9.dll - application extension  (it’ll have a little paper w/ gears ON it)

d3d9 - text document (little paper w/ lines icon)

reshade-shaders - folder

your reshade presets - config settings (if you remove the files above first though, you won’t be able to use/see these in-game)

that should uninstall reshade from your game! and don’t worry, if you accidentally remove something you didn’t want to, you can “verify your game files” through origin and that should restore any missing files. unless you.. *ahem*... acquired your game through other means... in which case be careful XD

@maddybarbz

Omg I don't know if you are active or not but I'm having some problems. So I downloaded the 3.0.8 and it was going smoothly but I loaded the game it said that magic bloom had issues.

i don’t know if im active either. probably not tbh XD but im here now so here ya go! i would recommend deleting the shaders you’re having problems with and then putting back the 3.0.8 shaders you downloaded. it’s really easy for things to break / be incompatible during the install so your best bet is always to delete the ones giving you trouble and put the new ones in.

@kaiamikulka

hi! I’ve been jealously stalking your page for a while, because I’m in love with the dove preset, but I’m very confused about how to download it. My computer keeps marking it as a virus, so i was kinda scared to download it. and when i finally did, it didn’t show up in my game. could you walk me through how to download it?(i have a pc laptop)

Thank you so much,

Kaia☺️☺️❤️❤️❤️

hi hi! lol im flattered for the jealousy stalk! anyway im not sure why it wouldn’t be showing up in game? unless you were so excited that you forgot to install reshade with it? i have a video here explaining how to install a recent version of reshade and set up dove with it so you can check that out here !

@bojanastarcevic​

Hello, I've been trying to fix the dove reshade for a long time, but the new version just doesn't support it, and the old version spoils the game and sometimes it won't even start ... Would you consider trying to make the same preset version for the latest reshade version? I'll be very grateful because your preset is the most beautiful I have ever seen?! 😘😂Don't know if you still play of work on your game but like I said if you have time to try make new one couse everyone was looking for it!!! 😉😘😘😘

hi hi! i totally understand not using the earlier versions--these later ones are soo much more user friendly!--but i’ve been able to get the preset to work with later versions (4.7.0 is the latest i’ve tried though) and it looks, if not the same, then very close to the original. I have a video here explaining how i did it if you’re really eager to have it

in the future i guess i could try to re-release the preset? i can’t give you an eta bc im lazy and i fall off the face of the earth regularly, but i do think it would help to have updated instructions right on the face of the download. 

[an-amalgamation-of-things]

Fanfic ask game, E (Blunt Force Trauma), L, P, R

Hey Nonny! Thanks for the ask 💖

E: If you wrote a sequel to Blunt Force Trauma, what would it be about?

Ooh this ones fun! It would probably be Alex & Yassen getting their revenge on MI6 for what they did to him!

L: How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?

It depends on how many other fics I end up writing at the same time/how long since I last worked on the fic. It’s probably like a minimum of 3 after it’s been written to check that everything flows properly and the grammar & punctuation (I’m definitely not a perfectionist! 😂). I also have a tendency to unnecessarily repeat things so one of the edits is to check for that and delete repetitive parts

P: Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an “architect” or a “gardener”? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

This one very much depends on the fic. Sometimes I literally pick up my phone and it’s like ‘no thoughts, head empty, just write’ (like Floundering, Blunt Force Trauma and a few wips that I’m working on) and others are more plotted out (like the rest of the Alex & Yassen 5&1 series bc I had to work out their meetings) and some (very few) are kind of bullet point plotted out before I start writing. Often I’ll have an idea and it kind of sits at the back of my mind and I subconsciously plot it out so when I come to writing I don’t have to think about where I’m going with the plot bc it’s already there in my mind.

R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Umm I’ve been told that I emulate Anthony Horowitz’s style and since I’m mostly writing AR fics atm, that’s quite a big influence! There are also so many amazing fic authors and I’m sure that there are things that they’ve done that have influenced me (but it’s late and I currently can’t think of any! 😂)

[ilovechristopheralexandershaw]

What would your ideal drarry fic be? Like, how would they get together, what tropes would be involved, what would be your ideal story line? Any squicks or triggers or things you aren't interested in? Any HC's with the two of them? :D

THIS IS THREE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY SEVEN WORDS OR SOMETHING HELP ME

Whoo boi, honey, lemme tell you, this answer gave me some s t r e s s. Tumblr, can you just...idk, have a save drafts option for asks? No?

Anyways, back to the point. Snuggle down into your blankets y’all, ‘cause this is gonna be one long post.

What would my ideal drarry fic be? Okay, siriusly, legit anything with angst. Copious amounts of angst. Drown me in the angst. I’m always willing to read an angsty fic, almost always as willing to read a fluffy fic and occasionally have an urge for smut but that’s like…every three months or so lmao. I prefer a story that isn’t based on the size of one’s cock. (Sorry if that’s a little crude). I’m fine with any length of fic, as long as it has a good story behind it and if it hopefully has some heart-wrenching moments that make me feel like I might have a soul after all. I love fics that keep their character – not too much, though – and have them arguing with each other all the time – its more real to me, and makes me laugh. I love drarry because of that, because it’s that ship that will keep their relationship, unlike idk shrek and Fiona who fall for each other and lose their old self completely. Drarry is that ship that stays intact and old and new at the same time, and that’s why I love it. 

How would they get together? I have this vision of the two getting together slowly. First it’s banter, insults, hexing, all the while having miscommunication and some serious pining because I’m an absolute sucker for that shit. As I said, angst. Hate turns to like and death threats to exasperated, witty little replies, private jokes between the two of them – a Malfoy Stinks embroidered on his robes in place of Healer Malfoy.

I love fics where there’s just that one, final leap of – I have to do it, otherwise I’ll never get another chance, I don’t care about the consequences. If it’s a kiss that gets them together, in that ‘final chance’ way, I love it when the other is too shocked, and the first person just loses all hope (I mean until like two seconds later when they’re snogging the life out of each other lmao). Basically just a slow build and all the sass 😊 

Tropes? Okay, I’m gonna admit that even though I’ve been in the fandom for a few months, I still can’t define so much, but I hope most of what I write here is legible.

I love coffeeshop Aus, I find them really cute and sweet, and a blushing Malfoy is always a bonus. Eighth year is my absolute jam, unless it’s a drinking fic in which case no thanks. I love friends to lovers or enemies to lovers – the slow build, especially if the author has timed it perfectly, is just argh, I love it. Pining has been mentioned like a hundred times already but I’m going to say it again just because. Roommates are okay, I guess, but not exactly my go-to. I do like muggle Aus, and even though I think Potter should be a teacher, I enjoy the action in an Auror Partners fic, too. Also uh..oops? This was supposed to be tropes that were involved not the tropes you like you dumb butt. That’s not what Nonny asked.

My ideal storyline for a drarry fic? Not sure if this is what you’re asking but I’m gonna go with it and if I’m wrong then I’m wrong y’know?

As I said, I like fics with pining. I love a number of storylines, but I’m just gonna choose one for this thing since it’s already almost if not over two thousand words (is anyone even reading this? Who cares, I’m having fun) okay I checked its like over 2600 help me. Also this turned out into a fic not an ideal storyline hhhhhhhh

I guess I like fics with slow-building pining, going from meeting together at work or having to work together for some reason in eighth year, or just seeing each other in eighth year. PTSD gets them together, but so does the (admittedly weaker) banter, since nobody understands either of them – the Saviour and the Ex Death Eater. The press is still going off about the war, and everyone has their own ways of coping. Soon enough, they’re friends – (ok let’s pretend this is eight year) and helping each other through the bad days. And soon enough, the insults that hit closer to home for others but not them, the inside jokes, the love of Quidditch, the homework assistance – all this time around each other turns to pining. Malf-Draco, with his white-blond hair and black turtlenecks that he kept even though that was what he wore as a Death Eater. With his now self-deprecating jokes instead of hurtful insults. With his smile, that shows his sneer lines of the past. With his blue-gray eyes. With his knowing smirk when they’ve done one of their own eighth year pranks. Even with his wonky Charms and obsession with stroking the Dark Mark and the way he stops in front of the Room of Requirement every time they pass. And Harry, with his mop of untidy hair and glasses that have had Reparo used on them who knows how many times by now? With his bright green eyes, with his surprisingly pale skin, with the way he disappears into the forest every now and then, staring at the clearing where Voldemort once thought him dead. They pine, they’re oblivious, and finally, Pansy spills it to draco, an exasperated ‘will you kiss him or not’ just as Harry rounds the corner in his invisibility cloak. ‘are you stupid. Pans? We’re just friends.’ (wow ideal storyline this is a mini fic by now what am I doing with life my math sheet is like right in front of me I should be doing that). The questions, that night, in their respective beds. And the finale, with Harry rethinking ‘we’re just friends’ in his head in the final Seeker-to-seeker game, Draco leaning in.

Finally. 

Okay, squicks. Here we go. First of all, I don’t really like fics where they speak really…I don’t know, childishly? To each other eg. too many cheesy pet names (‘Hi hun,’ he giggled, taking the offered plate), since my idea of drarry is a couple that banters all the time, not one that sits around squealing at each other. That’s the main reason I ship them, after all.

Another squick, although this just annoys me more than makes me uncomfortable, is when there’s a fic involving children where the author makes their speech like that of a baby. Five year olds and younger can make legible sentences, so it’s sometimes irritating when eight-year-old Scorpius is saying ‘dada give h-h-hoog’ if you get my drift.

Daddy kink is another thing. If you like it, good for you but personally, I- *shudders* no thanks. It’s just – okay, my dad’s like over fifty, and that’s what I imagine if I think of that. Sex with my dad? I’ll pass. Calling your boyfriend your ‘daddy’? I- no no no just no I’m sorry but no.

Okay, I’ll rephrase. Most, if not all kinks make me uncomfortable – I’ve said daddy already, Parseltongue (just any other language) is just weird to me (it’s not disgusting, I just find it kind of dubious I guess.), any sort of pet play is similar if not worse than daddy kink, choking or breath play sounds more like rape (I’m crude, handle it), lingerie is just hella weird and I don’t even want to know what tentacles are, thank you very much. I’ll stick to my vanilla sex.

Any sort of sex toy/tool use is also a squick (including painful BDSM stuff), but I’m not sure if that’s kink so I’ll just add it here.

I don’t mind OOC fics, but, again, if they’re too soft (unless it’s some sort of caring angsty oneshot e.g. most of @rose-grangerweasleyisbae ‘s ones) then they most likely don’t work with me either. 

Triggers? No, I haven’t read any fics that have triggered me in any way and I’m not sure if I have any. Most are squicks.

Fics, or tropes, I guess, that I’m not interested in would include either one being some sort of Magical Creature (although there are some exceptions – some writers make really good fics with these tropes), and by that I mean any humanoid creature such as a werewolf, vampire etc. Veela especially. Also, anything with mates. (Fun fact, in my first answer that got deleted, I wrote a headcanon fic thing with draco as a bowtruckle since I said I don’t know if that’s a squick bc I’ve never read it and decided to do it for fun)      

Dunno what this is, but I’m gonna include it as well – I also don’t like fics where their entire supposedly ‘loving’ relationship is completely based on sex. I’m okay with it if they’re supposed to be fuckbuddies at that point in the relationship, but if this is what the author is calling their ‘established relationship’, I don’t really like it. 

Any fic that loses the banter after their getting together, where their world and source of happiness is completely revolving around the other – that is also one of my disinterests. As I said, I ship drarry for the sass and banter (and angst). Not the sappy love. 

I don’t really like unhealthy relationships – I read a fic where the whole reason Draco allowed Potter to date him was because he complimented his flying skills, not because he liked him. That’s a really minor example, but basically any fic without actually liking each other or as I said, an unhealthy relationship, doesn’t take my fancy. Unless, of course, they’re fixing it. 

A fic that starts somewhere in the books, eg. third year or something, don’t normally take my fancy, but, again, there is the occasional exception that I turn out to love.

Not exactly Drarry but any poly relationships with the two of them are also a disinterest – I feel like they’re the ones for each other. Dunno if this sounds polyphobic or whatever it’s called, and it probably does, but that’s not it. I just personally don’t think Drarry need another person. Other ships, maybe. Drarry? Not for me. 

Eighth year fics that are based on drinking and drinking games also aren’t my thing (omg there’s like eight million alsos here what am i doing don’t shoot me please (ok i fixed it)). I just don’t like them. 

And fics with any sort of bonding lose my interest pretty quickly, especially sexual magic bonds. Mpreg, as well, again, I’ll read the occasional fic but most of the time I don’t really like it. 

Age difference, again, are something I find strange, and I can go on for hours but this is now around three thousand words and I should stop so y’all can go read your fics lmao.

 And um I’ll give you two headcanons as my way of apologising for the unbelievably late reply

 Harry, lying on the ground, blood dripping from a massive slash in his stomach, chest barely moving, lips slightly parted, tinged red with drying blood

Malfoy, now just a colleague, they’ve lost the schoolboy animosity, hovering over him, wand casting diagnostic spells even though he knows they’re no use – he knows the curse but he doesn’t know the exact variation – and the wrong healing spell will kill the Saviour – he can’t take that chance.

‘Scared, Malfoy?’

His head jerks up, pale eyes widening at the old question thrown back at him. Shoulders slump, his lungs heaving from all he spells he’s cast

‘Yes’ 

Idk just the idea of that final admittance – yes. Idk, just, my heart, man.

Okay headcanon 2 which is more of a fic by this point (someone help me im so bad at headcanons. Like this is all fleshed out in my head but ugh)

Eighth year holidays, Draco is sitting alone at the blazing fire in the common-room, strangely enough knitting, as he talks, friendly but quiet to a surprisingly happy Moaning Myrtle (the common room is where the old bathroom was)

Hermione Jean Granger sits down next to him and he flinches, almost expecting a slap like third year – he’s had hexes from Muggleborns who had nothing to do with the war, and here’s the Saviour’s friend – of course she’s gonna –

She pulls out a massive textbook, quill, inkpot, blotting paper and three rolls of parchmment from her bag, tucks her bushy hair behind one ear, and starts scratching away

He’s surprised, but still too nervous to ask why

It becomes a habit, her sitting there there, him as well, talking to Myrtle, doing Potions work, knitting as well

They start talking to each other, he finds out she Obliviated her parents and doesn’t want to come back just yet, even though she knows the Dark Lord’s gone

She finds out he’s too scared to go home, with all the memories

They become friends of sorts, helping each other when they can

When the holidays end, there are a few double takes, but nobody really questions it. After all, it’s Hermione, she never was too against Malfoy (nobody really saw that slap) and she’s always been a rule-follower. They assume its part of Mcgonagall’s asking for peace between Slytherins and Gryffindors

I mean, Ron does complain about her hanging about the ferret nowadays and not around her boyfriend, but he gets it. Besides, their ‘sessions’, if you will, are always when there’s Quidditch practice for Harry and Ron (they help train the younger years)

So yeah, it’s not too bad (and this isn’t Dramione I promise although I do ship it occasionally)

One day, though, she brings out a bundle of knitting herself. To his surprise, she knits a single sock and puts it in a box

He asks her why

‘For Dobby’

And he remembers. He remembers the strange little house elf, the one he loved as a kid but had no way of showing it. He remembers his father’s hatred of that elf in particular He remembers scowling at the poor thing, ranting to it – it was a way of venting, but in true Malfoy-raised fashion, he’d been so cruel to it as well, laughing as it jammed its fingers in doors, encouraging its pain.

He leaves the common room early that night

Next day, the Golden Trio isn’t there. Hermione (no longer Granger) isn’t there

He knitted a single sock that morning himself. He’d heard the story from their talks. He wanted to contribute. A way of apology, if you will. If it even counted. Today’s the day the elf passed away, and Hermione had said she put a sock in there for everyone

It’s pretty obvious where they’ve gone. He Apparates there after class, and finds the grave easily. It’s got a bundle of Conjured flowers, stems wrapped around the rock that serves as a headstone, and the box of socks is right there too. (what am I doing this is meant to be a short drarry hc and I haven’t even brought potter in yet help)

He starts crying

He spent last night remembering. Remembering how even through all the pain he caused that elf, a single smile, a single ‘thanks for listening, Dobby’ would make the elf bow and weep at his feet. He remembers how cruel he was, how the elf just…took it in his stride. He remembers losing the house elf, realising Potter had stolen something else of his. He remembers

And he lets it go. He spills all of it to a gravestone, apologies and ‘I know it won’t mean anything’ and ‘I didn’t know but that’s no excuse’ and ‘you always listened, how did you always listen?’ and ‘thank you’ and most of all ‘I’m so so sorry’ stumbling over each other as he tries to explain, to finally let it out

He’s crying and sniffling and that’s making it even harder to speak but he needs to say this, even though Dobby is dead, even though he’s apologised to so many people – this is one of the few that listened to him, and he’s treated the elf like garbage.

Tears drip onto the single sock in his hands

It’s hours later when he finishes. Well, not exactly finished, but he’s said enough that he thinks he’s explained himself and said sorry – even though it’ll never be enough. He’s cast a Light Charm (not a lumos ok it’s bigger don’t correct me) and he leans over to put the now-damp sock into the box too. A final ‘I’m so sorry’ and he stands up, turns around

And comes face to face with the Golden Trio

Hermione stares at him, then grabs him in a massive hug

Ron looks at him, slightly awkwardly but at her glare, he offers a tight smile

 And Harry? (wow how long has it taken for me to get here god) is just staring. Openmouthed. Who knew Malfoy had felt this much about a house elf?

And yeah that’s the point where he realises Malfoy isn’t that bad and then they go back to Bill and Fleur’s (Hermione explains along the way that they went back to the grave bc they saw the Charm and were in shock – was Dobby back?)

‘did you hear all of it?’

‘we heard enough, Draco’

 And when they get back to Hogwarts, well, it’s slow building at first. Potions help when Hermione’s out on a date with Ron, a butterbeer in the school kitchens on a Hogsmeade weekend when they want to hide from the public but enjoy the drink

But over time, the pining and the miscommunication and Draco getting back to his (albeit weak) banter with Potter leads to one thing. You know what it is.

Drarry

You know what I’m having fun writing trashy hcs so here’s a third (although it ain’t drarry. It ain’t any ship)

Alright so there is no hairdresser at Hogwarts or Hogsmeade or anywhere near the castle (I mean it was never mentioned in the books was it so this is possibly canon)

Therefore, most kids have to use spells

But we all know that each of us probably has a haircut that is somehow slightly different to one another, and there aren’t that many hair care spells in the world let alone known by a few teachers in Hogwarts

While some kids know exact spells, others, for example, Muggleborns, just use Diffindio

I mean, it gets their hair cut, yeah? That’s pretty much all they need

Of course, Hermione knows each and every spell but let’s not get to that

And Malfoy uses his own spell and a litre of Sleekeazy every morning

But since everyone else cuts their own hair, it looks as bad as each other

And that’s why Harry wasn’t teased too much about his hair (yes, also bc he’s the Saviour bUT STILL)

That’s why Sirius had long hair and etc.

Basically none of the kids at Hogwarts really had good hair and they all looked like Halt from Ranger’s apprentice (also this one is long as heck I could’ve just said everyone uses diffindio and there’s no hairdresser why am I like this)

[ask-jungshook]

can i be real for a sec?? you are so amazing and im about to cry bc you're everything i wish i was. ppl love your art so much and your angst and you're so talented. you are so so talented. ok im sorry i just needed this off my chest

// OMG NOOOOOO NONNY PLEASE DON’T CRY!

For me, my ‘talent’ is probably an accumulation of ‘natural’ talent (basically your base stats in gaming terms lol), motivation, experience, practice, and personal drive.

So to get a general sense of where I’m coming from, let me tell you a story of a YOUNG DISSU and how her ‘talent’ developed. (aka my art journey LOL)

So let’s started!

Base Stats

When I first got into drawing (this was around middle school, so I was around 12 years old????), my base stat for drawing was probably a 1 out of 10 –  pretty horrible tbh because all I did was just to try and replicate my favorite mangas characters as they were drawn. (At the time I think it was Yu Yu Hakusho LMFAO). If I were to make an analogy or any type of comparison, let’s just say, my stick figures had better proportions than my actual drawings but I digress. But as much as I drew poorly, I found myself loving drawing and loving art because it was an outlet for me to relieve stress. (But looking back oh boy was I a hardcore weeaboo haha) This period of time was the time where I gave no shits if I drew poorly, I drew because I had fun and that was pretty much it. (So there was like pretty much 0 improvement since I didn’t really bother to learn anything technique-wise) 

Motivation & Practice

Around high school was when I first started digital art (I around age 16 at this time) and this was the time period when DeviantArt was the ‘go to’ place to post drawings and literature. (pretty sure tumblr and twitter didn’t exist back then and facebook like just became a thing lol) Avatar sites like gaiaonline were also super popular and filled with a bunch of talented artists. I remember distinctly being like ‘holy shit these people are so good and so talented and thinking that I could never surmount to anything like that’. But at the same time, another part of me was like AWE INSPIRED of their talent and would like obsessively see if they had any tutorials on drawing. So while yes, there was a portion of me that wanted to be like my art idols and draw the way they did, at the same time, I kinda knew in my head that that was impossible? (But it didn’t stop me from trying to emulate them) 

So while I kept on drawing because it was fun and I liked it as a hobby– BUT this time, I had people to look up to in terms of the ‘I want to draw like you’ aspect of it. They were my art idols and pretty much everything I wanted to be from an art standpoint hahaha. But those artists were my main source of motivation for wanting to improve throughout high school. So this was the period of time that other people’s art lead to me wanting to develop a better style and to improve my technique. (I drew a lot, but never really finished anything major because I was really impatient back then, but my style was HEAVILY impacted by my art idols lol – VERY VERY GRAPHIC NOVELY/DATING SIM-ESQUE)

Experience & Personal Drive

I think in recent years, I did a lot of growing not only as an artist but as a person. One thing to note about growth and  improvement is that seeing improvement/seeing growth does not happen overnight, and I took many art hiatuses during high school and most of college simply because I didn’t have time due to my course load. So after cycling through various styles, my art kinda just stagnated for a long time. At that time, it was a bit disheartening and frustrating for me, because at that point I drew for like 6 years and made like small baby steps. (I had a variety of styles, but I never really had the solid groundwork of like anatomy, how clothing works, or color theory.) So it did put a hamper down on my motivation to draw back then– simply because I didn’t think I was improving as fast as other people – which in retrospect, was mistake number one.

I also went through a pretty bad battle with depression while I was in college that ebbed down a bit, then resurfaced after I graduated (this was roughly a 3 yr span), which hindered a lot of my art growth substantially as well  because my mentality simply wasn’t there. (Music and art hold emotional ties for me, so whenever I’m depressed, everything relating to the creative side of me goes to shit and I will have 0 motivation to draw and basically just sleep all day.)

But to be brutally honest, this is where personal drive comes in. There was one day where I just had full blown out sit down with myself where I basically told myself that I was so sick of being sad all the time, so tired of just being tired, so sick of hating myself– and that I missed being happy and that I missed that sense of joy. So what did I do? I pushed myself and forced myself out of my bubble in an effort to crawl out of that pit that is depression. But one of the things that helped me the most was reconnecting with a bunch of art friends that I met online in high school on one of those avatar sites. I’m a lot stronger of a person mentally thanks to them. :) And with the help of my friends, I basically began my journey of a 360 degree change– my friends, music, art and the past depressed me were all sources of motivation for me to fight to win that mental battle against myself. (One of the things I did was delete all my social media and just start over– that way it’s easy to filter out unwanted things if you start with a blank slate. I also bought my dog around this time which helped my mentality exponentially.)

Getting started was probably the hardest part, because depression is a cycle of ups and downs– but in order to break free, YOU have to be the one to initiate change and stick to making it happen no matter how uncomfortable you may be. I understand that not everyone can be like me and resolve to do everything yourself. Some people need therapy, and some people need medication and that’s fine because as humans, we’re all different in how we cope with things. In my case, it was all about mental fortitude and my own will power. For me personally, I extended my art hiatus and took several more months off of art and just solely focused on myself and my mental health more than anything. I did a lot of soul searching during this time. Ironically, I think my main motivation for crawling out of that hell hole was just hating how much I hated being sad all the time because that’s just a place that I would never want to go back to.

And even now, it’s still a lot of self exploring of what I want for myself and understanding myself. I��m a person with many layers of personality (like an onion!) – and I’m still learning how to embrace all of those layers (even the bad ones) because in the end, your layers combined are what makes you who you are. If you try to reject a part of any layer, that’s pretty much you trying to reject a part of you– which may lead to or cause a lot of internal turmoil. (On a not so serious note, I realize this ‘layer’ thing was a totally unintentional analogy taken from Shrek, imsosorry lol)

And I just realized I took a HUGE tangent, but going back to the experience and personal drive, I think it was some time around 2016 and going into 2017 when I officially made it to be one of my goals for the new year as to get ‘better’ at art. At this point, I had like 10 years of ‘experience’ in digital art (probably a lot less if you factor in my hiatuses but I digress lol), so based off of those past experiences, I know what I’m good at and what needs improvement. (so I know where my groundwork is lacking and what I should focus on) From a mental perspective, I also understand myself more in the sense that I knew what caused mental stress on me, which in turn allows me to not put myself in uncomfortable positions mentally. At the same time, understanding myself has also allowed me to know my limits and understand how much I can push myself.

But more importantly (from an art standpoint), I’ve learned to take a lot of inspiration from other artists and a lot of art friends instead of wanting to have their style of drawing. I think it was important to me to realize and recognize that I will probably never draw like some of them (because they have a lot more experience than me), and that that should be taken as a positive thing because my art should reflect who I am. So remember that onion I was talking about? All the people I look up to and all the people who I’ve befriended through art also play a HUGE role in my many layers because without them, I personally wouldn’t have that personal drive to learn and get better. So def find something that motivates you to be a better version of yourself! (For me it’s music, books, and other people’s art!)

So going back to my main point of talent:

Don’t think of someone else’s talent as something you should replicate. Because honestly speaking, you can’t, since you literally are a different person– and no two people are the same. (Nor are two onions the same)  Instead– take an opportunity to view it as a source of motivation and inspiration to grow and foster your own talent and your own personal growth. Because talent is something you CAN cultivate into something beautiful given time and patience. (Related note: I wrote like an essay in my meet the artist link about my thoughts regarding art and improvement and about comparing yourself to other artists– dunno if that’ll help, but feel free to check it out here lol)  

It took me 12 years for my art to evolve to what it is now (I’m 24 now), and I still think I have a lot more room to grow because there was so much I missed out on when I first started out. So while yes, I would consider myself as ‘talented’, there were so many things that have attributed to and molded my base ‘talent’ from when I was 12  to what is it now. And beauty is, is that that everyone’s base stats are different– heck there are people HALF my age who draw better than I do now and that’s amazing! (Also don’t let someone’s age be a reason to put yourself down either! I personally find young artists super inspiring :’))

But honestly, the most important thing is that in the end, art should be about yourself! As I mentioned before, art and music are linked to me emotionally, so happiness is the main thing that I want my art to bring to me. You shouldn’t do things for the sake of others (like getting notes/being popular), you should do it because it makes you happy. (Because if you’re doing things for others, you’re literally putting your own happiness in the hands of other people– and it shouldn’t be that way) For me, drawing makes me happy because I like to see my progression over the years as well as that sense of accomplishment once you finish a piece.

I’m so sorry that this turned into a really long essay/rambling about my life (i tried to keep it as short as possible, but it still ended up long af weeps), but I just felt the need the type this because I’ve been in a similar position as you before. (When I first read this ask I had like a lot of mixed emotions because I was like yes, it’s a compliment, but at the same time, why do I feel really sad? lol so yeah … sorry about the wall of text)

So don’t wish you were me! LOL :’D (lol trust me bc I am far from perfect) Instead, embrace yourself, (& to paraphrase the chorus of Cypher 4)  know yourself, and most importantly, love yourself because you are ALSO a blooming talent in the garden that is life. 

:) So what I really want to see is the phrase of “you’re everything i wish i was“ turn into something like, “thanks for inspiring me to improve” or something along those lines.

As artists, we all learn off from each other. And personally, I would be honored to be some sort of inspiration to you – but as I said before, please don’t think that you’re any less than me or think negatively about yourself because you are amazing and talented in your own right! :’) And if it helps, I’ll be rooting for you to continue cultivating your own ‘talent’ into something even more spectacular! Nonny HWAITING!

Also if you ever want to talk, feel free to message me! (I hope I don’t come off as intimidating, I’m just very scatterbrained and get distracted easily lol i also apologize for any spelling mistakes in this because im too lazy to proofread lol)