#none of us can tell anyone else how to feel
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!!!!!
That's the thing!!! C!Thomas could probably benefit from indulging in dark creativity, be that breaking something, writing something gruesome, or in general just screaming really loud. He hasn't ever really fully leaned into that and I think it'd be good for him to have that catharsis.
But dark creativity and intrusive thoughts are not the same and can't be treated that way regardless of the fact they are combined into the one facet.
Especially in WTIT where he's fully leaned into the intrusive thoughts role.
Dark creativity is generally beneficial to Thomas because giving Thomas a greater perspective for his art is useful. However, intrusive thoughts are never helpful, and none of them have anything to do with the actual issues Thomas is dealing with. Generally Remus is much more likely to emerge and cause chaos when Thomas is already upset or anxious about something else because when Thomas is already feeling low, it is easier to further upset him. You could say that Remus showing up is beneficial to the other sides to indicate to them that Thomas is upset about something, but nothing Remus does has anything to do with his actual issues or realistic problems, he is just creating more anxiety and chaos because it is fun for him, and that anxiety and chaos that Remus causes has nothing to do with Thomas's actual real life issues, they are separate.
As someone who also has intrusive thoughts (twinsies, you and me, I want the window seat), I agree that Remus works like a litmus test, but more so like a check engine light. The light comes on when something is wrong enough, but the light itself does not tell you exactly what is wrong. You have to go into the system, you can't just trust the light. Remus comes around when something is wrong, but hes not giving any good indication as to what. He's playing to sensitivities and insecurities, and while those things are stuff to work on, they are not the root problem. He's misleading.
The issue is that, if Remus is showing up to show something is wrong and he's trying to help fix it, he's going about it in the literal worst way possible. He's not helping by making Thomas anxious and giving him Intrusive thoughts. And he's not really trying to guide anyone to a solution either. Yes he tells Logan he can't fix Thomas by himself, but that's more of a dig at Logan specifically cause Logan would want to fix Thomas by himself, and he can't. Remus is enjoying the misery.
He may be recognizing something is wrong, but he doesn't seem to care about the solution. If anything, it would be more beneficial for Remus if Thomas was to remain upset and anxious cause that's when remus is more likely to be listened to and kept around.
On one hand I can agree that it might be a disservice to reduce Remus to shits and giggles. How ever, he hasnt really proved much reason otherwise. In general I actually do believe he is in it for shits and giggles and that his character is that one dimensional. He's shallow enough that he would do things, and has done things, for the soul purpose of making someone upset or because he thinks it's funny.
The only solution I can see him being a part of is pushing Thomas so far to the breaking point so that he does indulge in dark creativity, but if he does that, he's not doing that to fix things, he's doing it because it's going to be fun.
In the end I think we just have a fundamental disagreement on what Remus motive is. I just haven't seen anything that indicates he wants to help as a whole. He likes poking the bear "just because" in my opinion.
But I do still agree with original sentiment, I think he's incredibly clever in the way he does what he does, he knows exactly how to get under everyone's skin and takes full advantage of it.
I don't think Remus is given enough credit for being clever.
#remus sanders#this has genuinly been such an entertaining conversation#normally when i talk to others about remus characterization its usallly either#a) someone who agrees with me and thats validating but the echo chamber isnt exactly thought challenging#or b) someone who thinks my disagreement is personal attack on them and either wont or cant explain their pov#its so nice to talk to someone who has conviction in their opinion#regardless of the fact that i dont think we are going to agree on certain points of character#this has been the most fun talk#(ノ•̀o•́)ノ*:☆♡・゚✧♡#my wife spell checked this for me 😌
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Oh wow.. r-request are open.. t-Tsuki-Chan… w-well don’t mind if I do.. c-can you w-write f-Floyd, Riddle, and Epel with a jellyfish s/o w-who can’t control their stings.. hehe.. *blushes cutely.*
—🎀
๋࣭ ˖ 𐔌Boys with jellyfish S/O who can't control their stings!࿐ . ۫
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Characters: Floyd, Riddle and Epel <3
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Hcs, Fluff, Romantic (but it can also be read as platonic), Gn!reader
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Warnings: None!
-ˏˋ⋆➔ A/N: AAAA HELLO 🎀ANON!! T-thank you for y-your request... *Looks away blushing* (We are not crazy I promise)
FLOYD:
• A sea creature? And a jellyfish at that?! You 100% got his attention!
• LIKE OMGGG YOU'RE SO CUTE!! Let him squeeze your cheeks!!!!!
• This boy is so in loveeee.
• He just needs to hug you- !! Oh this sting was unexpected. You can't control it? Well that's fine, that doesn't stop him from hugging you!
• He wouldn't take it too seriously, he'd just laugh it off and ignore your stings.
• In short, he will test how many times he will get sting if he hugs you for a long time. He won't lie your cuddles are interesting now!
• Sometimes he touches your cnidocytes specifically to see how they feel. He doesn't do it often because he doesn't want to get stings all over his hands.
• But if he's in a bad mood he can get a little irritated but don't worry! It will pass quickly when he remembers that you can't control it and he will go back to teasing you.
• Floyd is an electric eel (correct me if I'm wrong), right? If so, I doubt he would feel your sting very much. They would actually tickle him a little.
• He'd love to help you control your stings but doesn't really know how. Even though they don't bother him, he knows you don't want to sting EVERYONE who touches you.
• Like hey don't be sad! Hug him instead of others! He doesn't mind.
• He actually thinks it's a good 'weapon' to scare others away if they bother you.
• Still, he will help you, he will ask others and look for information.
• "Sorry I sting you again..." "Sting? It was more like a little pinch than a sting zappy!"
• Ah yes, his nicknames.
• He likes to tease you for not being able to control your stings so he gave you the nickname 'zappy'.
RIDDLE:
• Ummm, that's interesting..
• I think he would be slightly interested in your cnidocytes, but that doesn't mean he wants to touch them.
• He's not much of an affectionate person so he's not too worried about being stinged by you.
• However, if he was standing too close to you and you accidentally touched him with your cnidocytes, expect a yelp from him.
• He'll think you did it on purpose so he'll scold you.
• "Hey! That hurt! You can't do that. What if you hurt someone else? Your behavior is incorrect." "I'm so sorry Riddle!!! I don't know how to control them!" Oh-
• Since you told him that, he'll pay a little more attention when he comes near you. Not in a bad way but he doesn't want to get sting again.
• Now he'll know he can't scold you so much for something you can't control.
• Of course he will also tell you to be careful because he doesn't want anyone to get hurt (Actually he doesn't want you to feel guilty but he won't admit it).
• For that he will try to help you with them somehow. No matter what, he will look for a solution to your problem so you don't have to worry about it anymore.
• He knows that every time you tried to hug someone it always ended badly so you stopped trying to hug others.
• Riddle isn't really used to things like affection, but he'll try to dress up so you can't sting him and he'll let you hug him a bit.
• Just don't tell anyone!
• He will dress like this most of the time until you guys find a solution to control your sting.
EPEL:
• Epel doesn't really know how to react.
• Yes, you have something cool to defend yourself but he won't lie, he doesn't really like being stinged.
• But when he finds out that you don't do it on purpose, he will look at it differently.
• "Ouch! What was that for?- Ah right, that was unintentional." He'll try not to sound mad at you because he's not, he just never expects to get stinged.
• Over time he will get used to them and will say that you can knock down whoever you want!
• When he gets sting, he claims it didn't hurt him at all, showing that he is tough.
• It actually hurt him, but he didn't want you to think he was weak or you to blame yourself!!
• " !!- N-no, What are you talking about? Uhh... It doesn't hurt that much! See? I'm not as weak as others."
• He says it would be fun to prank someone with your stings.
• Epel is not a very affectionate person but he doesn't mind physical contact, sometimes it just makes him blush.
• That's why he will dress in such a way that you can hug him or hold his hand without worrying about hurting him.
• Even if the clothes don't fit and Vil might pick on him, he'll still dress like that. He wants to show you that he cares about you!
• He will help you control your stings, no matter if he will have to read thousands of books or ask everyone in the world if it means it will help you.
• He will even try to get something that can help you control them!
• If that means you'll be happy then he will be too!
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Twisted Wonderland Masterlist
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Masterlist
-ˏˋ⋆➔ Rules request
#⁀➴tsukimara#⁀➴Twisted Wonderland#twisted wonderland x reader#twisted wonderland x you#twisted wonderland x mc#twst x reader#twst x you#twst x mc#floyd leech x reader#Floyd leech x you#Floyd Leech x mc#riddle rosehearts x reader#riddle rosehearts x you#riddle rosehearts x mc#epel felmier x reader#epel felmier x you#epel felmier x mc#twisted wonderland#twst#floyd leech#riddle rosehearts#epel felmier#gn!reader#gn reader#fluff
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pleeeeeaaaase tell me more about aerin being groomed by the dreadlord !!! (analyses, headcanons, anything you want)
minor spoilers for b3 ahead! also cw for discussions of grooming and canon-typical abuse, a brief mention of rape, mentions of books where rape & grooming are big topics (lolita & my dark vanessa). this got really long lol
so it's pretty much established that aerin was already very much isolated from people at a young age due to a number of factors, his fear of and abuse by baldur (and arlan) being the primary reason for that. he was also a meek and shy child who wasn't as popular in court compared to baldur. aurinae also died early in aerin's life, leaving him without the one figure who actually cared about him.
all this contributes to aerin being extremely vulnerable to the dreadlord. (minor spoiler) in b3 aerin mentions that he was nine when the dreadlord first started speaking to him. when you're a young vulnerable child like him, it's easy to fall prey to someone who seems like they have your best interests at heart. his family was either dead or resented him, he's the spare who people don't care about - the dreadlord's promises sound really good! we only got little of the dreadlord himself throughout the books, but i like to think the dreadlord did not actually care about him, only using him as a means to an end as he was a vulnerable child in a position the dreadlord can exploit.
(spoiler) aerin also mentions that the nerada stone was given to him after an incident where he accidentally used shadow, and that most shadow magic was done with the dreadlord's help. to me, the giving of the nerada stone is like a predator going "don't tell anyone, it's our little secret, okay?" i like to think this little secret between the two of them makes aerin feel special, and wanting for more, even if keeping the secret very physically hurts him (as mentioned in b1). what a lot of people don't seem to understand is that a lot of the times groomers make their victims feel special, and that causes a lot of mixed feelings from the POV of the victim. they do genuinely start to love their abusers, and from that line of thinking i like to think that aerin similarly has complicated feelings for the dreadlord (as does nia have for the temple of light, kamilah & adrian for gaius, etc etc).
with all this done i also like to build more on the idea of aerin's isolation. another thing that tends to be ignored is how the structures around the victim actually assist in perpetuating and providing avenues for the abuse to happen. in lolita (i keep mentioning this book on my blog, lolitapilled forever i fear), humbert tells dolores that she has nowhere else to go, that if she reported it to authorities etc they would shame her and mark as rotten forever and insitutionalize her and she'd never have a normal life ever again -
“While I stand gripping the bars, you, happy neglected child, will be given a choice of various dwelling places, all more or less the same, the correctional school, the reformatory, the juvenile detention home, or one of those admirable girls’ protectories where you knit things, and sing hymns, and have rancid pancakes on Sundays. ... if we two are found out, you will be analyzed and institutionalized, my pet, c’est tout. You will dwell, my Lolita will dwell (come here, my brown flower) with thirty-nine other dopes in a dirty dormitory (no, allow me, please) under the supervision of hideous matrons. ... Don’t you think that under the circumstances Dolores Haze had better stick to her old man?”
which he isn't exactly wrong about! if aerin had opened up to the people around him about what was going on, what would they do? if he went to his family, they'd shun and hate him even more. if he went to the temple, they'd brand him a heretic and also shame him even more (minor spoiler again-in b3, this is what is implied to have happened to nia). none of these institutions, the family & the church, would have ever had his well being at heart. they are the same institutions which shunned (family) him in the first place and would have shunned (church) him anyway because he didn't and wouldn't have been able to live to their ideals. again, family and religion aren't ontologically pure things - they're institutions which often exist to perpetuate the status quo.
that's to say that i personally hc that aerin has a lot of mixed feelings for the dreadlord. taking this line from my dark vanessa (also a book i love so much) -
“It only accelerated after that, once he knew I was ok with it—and isn’t that what consent is, always being asked what you want? Did I want him to kiss me? Did I want him to touch me? Did I want him to fuck me? Slowly guided into the fire—why is everyone so scared to admit how good that can feel? To be groomed is to be loved and handled like a precious, delicate thing.”
the thing is, aerin did want the things the dreadlord seemed to promise. no one else was left to treat him nicely. he loved that the dreadlord could give him the power to change his circumstances. and it felt good! he admits in b2 that he didn't regret killing baldur! him wanting that doesn't make him any less of a victim, but i think a lot of discussions around this tend to overlook this feeling, because it's a lot less easier to swallow than the typical Huge Evil Perpetrator/100% Unwilling Victim narrative that tends to get pushed around a lot. (i also don't like how people seem to be assigning morality to grooming. anyone can be groomed, and acting like the victims always have to conform to this perfect standard does not help at all actually)
so. anyway. i'd love more things/discussions about aerin and an interpretation where his feelings for the dreadlord are more complicated. where he accepts that the dreadlord took advantage of him, but he also can't find it in himself to FULLY hate the dreadlord, that sometimes he misses the dreadlord, sometimes he can't stand to remember how the dreadlord physically hurt him for over a decade in order to keep their little secret (can be read as a rape, imo, though it's not as overt as the dreadlord literally taking nia's body, which @puredoesnotmeankind @livelaughlovecassie and i like to read it as). the dreadlord potentially holding the fact that he was the one who's helping and "caring for" aerin over aerin's head. complicated feelings!! messy interpretations that are more true to complex human feelings and whatnot. i'd love that.
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everyone jumping to team kamala we will never experience true freedom in this country
#the democrats would vote for fucking hitler if he was a nice guy im convinced#allow me to break down this silly little “you can't focus on morals people's lives are at risk we have to vote blue to stop trump!!!” thing#first of all people's livelihoods are still at risk even when there is a democrat as president#did you forget about the immigration bill biden and harris signed? or you know a fucking genocide#and if people's livelihoods are at risk then shouldnt we vote with out morals? and you know not for the dems who are famously pro genocide#what is the point of voting if you can't vote for who you actually believe in?#and besides this what in this country was actually accomplished through voting? 99% of the progress made was done through violent resistanc#the only reason shit even made the ballot was because people showed they wouldn't accept things the way they are#which is exactly what you are doing if you vote for kamala harris AKA BIDEN'S FUCKING RIGHT HAND MAN#and you just sound like an extremely selfish person if genocide is not your red line#it just sounds like youre saying “yes they murdered palestinians in gaza :( BUT WHAT ABOUT US AMERICANS!!!!”#as if the democratic party has done anything to protect americans anyways. like my job as a voter is not to get the democrats elected#to mitigate damage caused by republicans. that is the fucking democrats job. it is their job to make me want to vote for them#and until they stop massacring men women and children in gaza they will never get my vote#the democrats could openly announce themselves as extreme bigots towards anyone that isn't a cishet rich white man (which they have before)#and you stupid asses will still tell us to vote for them. how evil do they have to be for you to finally consider another option?#and everyone else in the world gets to have other options but america noooo in america we can only have two parties or else you die#and when a democrat is elected and they send another 1 billion to israel i hope youre prepared to live with the blood on your hands#YOU WANTED THIS YOU ENABLED THIS YOU VOTED FOR THIS#the reality you won't face is that there are more options and you could vote for them but none of you are willing to take that risk#yet youre willing to risk the lives of palestinians the lives of transwoman the lives of every person that bitch threw into prison#you people are so hooked on stopping trump (the democrats meaner twin) youre willing to sacrifice everything you stand for#to elect someone who is just as bad as him but is “polite” while they do it. the democrats will never feel pressure to shift to the left#as long as you idiots continue to accept their move to the right. why should they stop the genocide in palestine when youve proven#you'd vote for them no matter what?#no one’s life improved from trump to biden and the same will be true for kamala but you can keep telling yourself they aren’t the same#i’ll be voting green bc that is what i believe in inshallah you grow a spine and do the same until we’re free from these two satanic partie#and dont tell us youll protest after she's elected what would the point be???#youve shown you'd put her in power no matter why should she respond to the pressure?
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if i call in sick to work i shld tell them im having symptoms of emotional turmoil, physical agony n excessive bleedinfg so im gonna stay home bye
#dont have to give details i just think itd be a funny way to describe this monthly torment#also i rly am lucky i work at ass oclock in the morning cuz none of the managers are there yet#n us 5am ppl are the earliest to show up in my department so i just talk to whoever has the guy in charge phone#n its no one who will care so thats p nice#i do get anxious anyway but im just insane#also i always feel all guilty n embarrassed bleh#unless ofc i rly am mega sick#n ill have to let my mom know sometime if i do cuz she drops me off before she goes to her job#i always feel awkward n bad having to tell her im stayin home#overthinking forever yay#gotta figure this out#i just know if im at work tomorrow even if everything isnt fucked or awful like it can be there#n i feel how ive felt sometimes today like physically#dont wanna be thereeeee n im already gonna be in pain from working n now extra emotional. dies#according to my phone call history i called in like Exactly 2 months ago#which is more than the 3 months they want in between call ins but i dont think anyone else cares abt that#like coworkers of mine i mean#hmmmmmmm#p
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Just had the worst panic attack of my life
#i seriously dont know whats gotten into me lately#im doing so horribly and i hate it i hate being this person i hate worrying my family#i hate being this way#im shaking all over but at least my heart feels normal again#i used to have such a good grip on my thoughts and my emotions i was so big on distracting myself and never giving in ever and just keeping#it pushing#but the last 3 months have been so so bad#i have all these bad thoughts and they just dont stop and i always cry out of nowhere and i just have no trust in myself anymore#i loved thinking of myself as having it together mentally and keeping it tight and its just so hard to admit to myself that the way im#feeling is not normal and not okay#i dont feel like myself anymore its crazy i feel crazy i feel like ive been swapped with someone else#i hate it#and im so tired of it and of myself i dont want to be a crazy person who has no control over their mind and is a victim to their own#thoughts#i wanna be better i just wanna go back to how i was i wanna keep telling myself km steong and that i got this and that im healthy and have#healthy thought patterns#i dont want to keep having these same awful horrible thoughts day after day after day every second of every minute its sp tiring and#useless and leads nowhere#and i dont think anyone can help me with this#i think i just have to start lying to myself and pretend i am that person and that none of this is actually happening to me or that its#real#bcs acknowledging it makes it like so much worse#and maybe that way i can get to that healthy point again idk#i wanna try
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it had never taken much effort for lana to secure her conquests; never this much. even when she'd set her sights on much loftier targets than the sweaty jocks doused in old spice body spray that had pursued her all through school, none had ever refused her the way sully had, but somehow, it only made her want him more. now here was a truly good man— a loyal man, a good husband and father, the sort to defend his nanny's honor against a man he'd known much longer than her. that was the sort of man worth fighting for, if for nothing else than just to get a tiny taste of what a man like that could offer her sexually. of all his positive attributes, his capacity for respect was at odds with what she needed from him in the moment. she'd given him full permission to take what he wanted, practically daring him to refuse her, and yet he remained hesitant, simply staring at her exposed cunt in awe. his reverent utterance of agreement made her giggle again, teeth sinking into her lower lip to try and bite back the widening of her grin. as frustrating as it was to have to wait so long to be touched, she couldn't ignore how tantalizing it felt to have his attention on her in this way. surely he'd sent a lustful glance or two her way since her employment began, but this was a look of pure, unadulterated desire, and she could sense him continuing to battle his sense of morality. "don't be nervous, hun..." she cooed reassuringly. "it's just us... you can take me however you like." after all this, she didn't think he'd refuse her. it'd be a pretty boneheaded thing to do, considering he'd already be in the dog house for what they'd done so far. might as well go all the way, if they were as good as damned. "i'm yours tonight, mr. landry." finally, one of his hands began to travel, her stomach doing a flip in anticipation of finally being touched, only for it to end up merely squeezing her thigh. it may not have been the sort of touch she was after, but it was a start. as if to tempt him further, her fingers caressed back up her folds until she reached her clit, circling the sensitive bud with two soft fingertips and letting out a shuddered sigh in response. once he dove in, she let out an excited hum of anticipation, though once again, he subverted her expectations by pressing his nose into the crease of her thigh and inhaling. her brows furrowed briefly, but she didn't question him, instead continuing to rub her clit in slow circles, using her free hand to stroke through his hair gently. "mmm, thank you," she chuckled, now drunk off lust rather than the alcohol that was slowly but surely working its way out of her bloodstream. "you're not too bad yourself, handsome. anyone ever tell you that?" probably not enough, just like he wasn't being properly satisfied in the bedroom. as soon as she felt his hand move down to take over for her, lana let out a sigh of relief, hips shifting towards his touch until he slipped two fingers inside her with ease. they were met with no resistance as her plush walls parted to hug them in a snug embrace, lips parting to account for the fraught whine she uttered at the feeling. while she would prefer they spend all night exploring each others bodies as completely as possible, time simply wasn't on their side, and she'd already been yearning for the stretch of his cock inside her for weeks now, to the point where foreplay felt redundant. "it's ok, mr. landry, you don't gotta," she reassured him in a sugary murmur, reaching for the waistband of his pajama pants and pushing the front of them down along with his underwear so his cock could spring free. "i need you right now..."
laid out across the backseat of his car, caressing her curves and smiling impishly at him, lana looked just like one of the models in those old dirty magazines that sully kept hidden under his bed as a teenager. he should've known better than to fall for such overt seduction techniques but he wasn't thinking clearly, all that mattered in that moment was distracting himself from the guilt that was to inevitably come and instead touching lana like he'd been fantasying about for weeks upon weeks. there wasn't a lot of space to fit the both of them across the seats, especially not with what she seemed to have in mind but they could make it work, they had to as there wasn't any other options. with the object of his desires splayed out in front of him, sully was suddenly hit with the realisation that he didn't know what to do. he wasn't some teenage boy who had never known the touch of a woman before, he was a married man with children and a whole youth behind him filled with exploits, yet in that moment any of that experience might as well have been forgotten. he stared at her cunt with reverence, like it was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen. "christ." he muttered under his breath as he watched her spread herself open, her pretty pink folds glimmering with the evidence of her arousal and causing sully's mouth to water with the desire to lean down and taste her. he didn't though, he didn't move an inch. the hands that had helped roll up her dress rested on her waist, a touch so soft it was almost like it wasn't there at all. in response to her question, all he could do was nod, his eyes still fixated between her legs till he forced himself to look up and meet her gaze. "lana, i don't..." don't want this? don't know what to do? a million different versions of the end of that sentence flittered through his mind but he decided it was better left unfinished, allowing her to decide how to best respond. after all, she was the one who seemed to know what he needed, despite everything else about them that should've had him being the one in control, he was at the mercy of whatever she deemed was appropriate. he couldn't sit there forever, just staring at her body in awe. eventually, his hands twitched back to life and he slowly slid one down from her waist, settling on her thigh which he squeezed gently between his calloused fingers. her skin was impossibly soft, smooth as silk and like temptation itself. after a couple seconds squishing the meat of thigh, sully could no longer keep himself frozen in anticipation of what to do and relented. he hunched over her lower half and pressed his nose into that soft crease where her thigh and groin connected and took a long inhale, all while he continued to knead at her supple flesh like it were dough. it was hard to tell whether she smelt so good inherently or if it was because it'd been too long since he'd gotten to bury his face into a woman and indulge in such basic things as her scent but either way, it was bringing something feral out within him, a need to eat her whole. "you're beautiful." he mumbled once again after pulling his face back, just enough so he could turn and press a kiss to her wrist before gently moving back up. his wife was still asleep at home, completely unaware what was going on between her husband and nanny but that didn't mean sully didn't feel the pressure of the clock, they didn't have an infinite amount of time and they'd already spent a lot of it bickering over whether or not he was going to give in, he wanted to spend the rest of the night buried between her thighs till his entire face was soaked with the proof of her arousal but it wasn't possible. once he started, sully knew he wouldn't be able to stop and so he held himself back, instead choosing to replace lana's hand with his own, slipping two fingers through her glossy folds before tucking inside of her after a couple of leisurely passes.
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being transported into their world
►— pairings. honkai star rail men x gn! creator! reader
►— warnings. nothing really, not proof read 🙅🏻♀️, caelus is the trailblazer, romantic but you can see it was platonic if you want to! girls in the astral express are mentioned for a bit, i mentioned both dan heng and imbibitor lunae so don't mind that! mentions of self attempt/bodily harm for blade, boothill is ooc probably, spoilers of penacony quest, skipping herta space station (will be mentioned in other chapters though!), sahau (self aware honkai au)
►— synopsis. their beloved creator, the one who created many worlds, including theirs, had yet to return after thousands of years. but lately, they've been experiencing strange things, feeling like a heavenly, divine figure loomed over them. could it possibly be their one and only creator?
►— a/n. i've been thinking about a self-aware au but a honkai star rail version for a couple of weeks now after my reverse isekai'd genshin sagau series. also this may be a bit biased towards dang feng (imbibitor lunae) because uh i like him, maybe you can tell?
►— wordcount. 4.5k
part 2
for days they've felt uncomfortable, well, slightly. it only began to happen a couple of months ago when they felt as if something, no... someone was controlling their every movement and choice.
during their adventures, they felt an unsettling sensation creep upon them like a shadow in the night—a feeling of being watched, of a presence looming over their every move.
the presence was overwhelming, their body would stiffen, and they felt as if something like a heavy, invisible blanket was casted upon them.
at first, the passengers in the astral express dismissed it as mere paranoia, attributing it to the heightened tension of their journey or maybe the warping effects in the train. but as days passed and the sensation persisted, they couldn't shake off the unnerving feeling that they were not alone, that someone or something was observing their every action.
at times, they would catch fleeting whispers carried by the wind, faint voices that echoed in the corners of their minds. yet, despite their efforts, they could never make out the words, the words slipping through their grasp like elusive dreams.
as the feeling grew more pronounced, thoughts began to gnaw at their consciousness. who or what could possibly be speaking to them? why is it that every now and then they would feel a sudden boost and surge of power?
they knew deep down that the only being in the universe could make them feel that was,it could be no other than their creator.
the mere thought that their creator was dropping hints of their arrival was exciting. and only when the astral express crew noticed how each and every one of them felt the same exact things—looking around the moment they heard a voice, their body in sync as they tensed up... it was all too coincidental not to notice.
as they talked with one another and pieced the puzzle pieces together, using the information they found along the way travelling to each region, it all became clear.
it was a pivotal moment in their journey, the truth was revealed. in a flash of realization, they discovered that the presence they felt, the elusive voice they heard, was none other than their creator—the architect of their existence, the mastermind behind their trials and tribulations.
dan heng, himeko, welt, march and caelus had a hunch that it was their beloved creator, it couldn't be anyone else. everything added up, everything made sense. they acted like mad scientists, scurrying to their rooms and digging around every nook and cranny of their room, finding any evidence and papers that mentioned you, the creator.
as they all met up back on the train they carefully placed each and every newspaper and article about you. they had to make sure that it was really you. some of the articles that dan heng bought were from way back, thousands of years ago, he refused to tell anyone where he had gotten them from.
"in the vast expanse of the universe, where time flowed like a meandering river and galaxies danced in an eternal cosmic ballet, there existed a being unlike any other—a being known simply as a creator. born out of the primordial chaos, the creator was a solitary entity who traversed the endless void, seeking purpose in a universe devoid of meaning.
for millennia, the creator roamed the expanse, witnessing the birth and death of stars, the rise and fall of civilizations, and the ebb and flow of cosmic energies. yet, amidst the vastness of space and time, the creator found itself consumed by an overwhelming sense of ennui, a profound boredom that gnawed at their very essence.
then, the creator embarked on a journey of creation—a quest to fill the void with worlds of its own design, to sculpt realities from the raw clay of the cosmos. with a mere thought, the creator breathed life into barren planets, adorned them with oceans and mountains, and populated them with a myriad of creatures both strange and wondrous.
as creator delved deeper into their newfound passion, they discovered a love for the act of creation—a love that transcended time and space, a passion that ignited a fire within its soul. with each world it fashioned, each story it crafted, the creator found solace in the act of shaping reality, in the sheer joy of bringing something new into existence.
for six thousand years, the creator laboured tirelessly, weaving tapestries of worlds and galaxies, each one a testament to its boundless imagination and creative prowess. from the smallest blade of grass to the mightiest empires, the creator poured their heart and soul into every facet of creation, infusing each world with a unique charm and character all its own.
yet, amidst the infinite expanse of its creations, the creator remained a solitary figure—a godlike being adrift in a sea of its own making, forever yearning for companionship in a universe devoid of peers. and so, the creator continued their eternal quest, weaving worlds out of boredom and growing a love and passion for creation that would endure for eternity. and we, this universe, was crafted by none other than the creator, the place we call home. it is said that only after six thousand will the creator return to us, to watch over us once more."
the article itself looked worn, it wasn't signed by anyone, and no one knew who wrote it, or how they got the information. but it seemed plausible. millenniums... it has been well over six thousand years, it was about time the creator descended.
they had to be prepared, they had to tell the rest of their friends and families, the world. as much as they would like to keep the information to themselves they knew that you deserved a much better, bigger and more beautiful welcome.
sampo, gepard and luka were more than stunned and nervous, to say the least. their creator... was finally returning back? upon hearing the news from caelus they were sceptical at first, deep down they really wanted to see you in your glory, to finally meet the creator, but at the same time, it was nerve-wracking.
what should they say? what should they do in preparation and celebration? what gifts and offers should they give to you? nothing would do. they were positive that anything they bought, even if it got them in debt, would suffice. you deserved more than a measly couple of dishes and the most delicate and fitting garnets.
it was embarrassing really, their hearts racing as they tried their best to think of what to bring to your feet. but one thing they all had in common was their loyalty to you. if it was their life you wanted then so be it.
sampo is sampo, he was sure that his creator's glory and attractiveness were over the top, he would be sure to compliment you as many times as his mouth could allow, but he was sure that your beauty would be intimidating. no matter your looks your presence was more than enough.
gepard is nervous. his mind is full of "what ifs" and "what should i.." not even his sister can calm him down. every morning and night when he closes his eyes he's anticipating the day his sister barges into his room, yelling that the creator had finally descended. although he isn't quite sure of what to offer you he knows that whenever you need him, whatever you call him for he will be there in less than a minute, by your side or feet if you prefer.
whatever you ask of him, whatever favour you need from, he will never say no.
luka on the other hand is absolutely pumped to meet you! he had heard stories of you when he was a child, and from the stories told by the adults they described you as a kind being, who soon fell in love with the art, beauty and joy of creating. well, their most favourite was creating worlds.
he was absolutely sure that you would be the most kindest, heavenly person he had ever met, what was there to worry about now? luka knew that if he ever laid eyes on you he would fall in love no doubt, he would do anything for you. maybe you would agree to watch his wrestling matches?
jing yuan, blade, imbibitor lunae, and luocha are the most excited of all, sure, everyone is elated to finally meet you with their very own eyes. but them? oh lord... they all believe to be your worshipper, having heard tales of you from their parents, this alone caused them to be awe and love-struck with you.
they were a firm believer in you, you did no wrong in their eyes. all your actions and words were justified. they followed your principles, they made sure to announce their presence every time they came to your altar and placed down the most expensive jewels, dishes and gifts. (they had a shrine of you at home don't worry)
jing yuan was the one of the firsts to get hints that you were finally returning, the divine foresight fu xuan always looked so weary and cautious, but as time grew she began to be more... happy and elated, yet everytime he questioned her she was tense up and smile like it was nothing. and only when he pried did she say that she saw things, saw a blurred face, and heard a voice. "don't be alarmed... i'm here to tell you that.."
he made sure that everyone who worked under him and every prominent person knew of this, he began to make preparations of your arrival, he cancelled all meetings and plans, only focusing on you and your arrival. everything had to be perfect. he had even forgotten about the wanted criminal blade. jing yuan booked the most fanciest restaurant for a month max, he wasn't sure when you were coming, of course, so a month it was.
jing yuan prepared every entertainment and paid the orchestra, he wanted everything to be perfect, even the most minuscule details.
blade's loyalty was and is only for you and only you. he may be cold and stone-hearted (we all know it's false) but if it's you... whatever you ask for he will do it no doubt. he refuses to take orders from a stranger even if it is his friend, but if it's you? say no more. blade knew you were a kind soul, you needed protection from the other so-called "enemies" (he proclaimed it!).
he swore that you saved his life, years ago when everything was tumbling down, when his feelings got the better of him, he tried doing the unthinkable, as he blacked out he suddenly "saw" something.. a beacon of light, it was magical and airy, he tried his best to grasp onto the light but obviously could not.
it floated further and further away, and he followed it, his eyes glued only on the beacon of light. as it stopped moving, so did he, he continued staring at the light as it shrank into a ball, it didn't speak, it didn't look anywhere, it stayed there. suddenly he woke up, his chest heaving up and down as he tried to catch his breath. what was that?
sweat clung to his forehead when jingliu found him, concerned she rushed over to him, he refused to say a single word. he was left perplexed. what was the ball of light? why did he feel so at ease? why did it only appear after he...
he would make it his mission to meet you before the rest do other than the astral express crew and become your bodyguard, even if you deny his offer he will stick with you no matter what. of course, he would respect your boundaries but he knew that you didn't have the heart to deny anyone, especially your creation.
imbibitor lunae absolutely adores you, even if he was reincarnated the memories still pass on. and the tales being told by the grown-ups were famous around his area and still is. from the earliest days of his existence, tales of the creator had woven themselves into the fabric of his consciousness, painting a portrait of a being of boundless kindness and infinite compassion.
as a child, imbibitor lunae had listened with rapt attention to stories passed down through generations, tales of the creator's benevolence and the miracles they wrought upon the world. and in the quiet moments of the night, he would gaze up at the starry expanse above, whispering prayers to the creator, his heart overflowing with admiration and reverence.
when news of the creator's imminent return after six thousand years reached his ears, his heart soared with unbridled joy. in no time he set about preparing for your arrival, pouring his heart and soul into crafting the perfect gifts to present to his divine benefactor.
drawing inspiration from the tales of old, he fashioned intricate trinkets and tokens of his affection, each one imbued with his unwavering devotion and love. amidst the swirling maelstrom of feelings, one thing remained constant: his unwavering love for the creator.
imbibitor swore that once he felt or sensed a sign that would be arriving he would immediately act, he would be the first to meet and lay his eyes on your divine figure. slap him as many times as you want if you found it rude, he would only thank you.
luocha, despite remaining calm and composed on the outside, internally, he was freaking OUT. luocha found himself grappling with a myriad of conflicting thoughts and emotions. on one hand, he felt a profound sense of excitement at the prospect of meeting the creator, the architect of his existence and the source of all that he held dear.
yet, on the other hand, he couldn't shake off the nagging feeling of inadequacy, the fear of not being able to live up to your expectations.
his mind raced with a flurry of possibilities. what gifts would you appreciate? what could he offer to express his gratitude and reverence for the being who had breathed life into his world? with each passing moment, the weight of the impending meeting pressed down upon him like a heavy burden, filling him with a sense of anxiety.
despite his inner turmoil, luocha maintained a facade of calm and composure, determined not to let his anxieties show. with a steely resolve, he set about meticulously planning and preparing for your arrival, carefully considering every detail in his quest to find the perfect gift.
he even resorted to asking the children about what gifts he should bring, and yes, they did laugh at him but helped him nonetheless.
from ornate trinkets to rare treasures, luocha spared no effort in his search for the ideal offering, pouring his heart and soul into each carefully chosen item. yet, even as he laboured tirelessly to ensure that everything was perfect, doubts continued to gnaw at the edges of his mind, although one thing was for sure, if you didn't like any of his gifts he wouldn't be upset rather, maybe all you wanted was his whole body and life, and he would not hesitant once to give it up for you.
they all couldn't wait to meet you.
aventurine, sunday, gallagher and boothill are freaking out. horribly. mainly aventurine.. once the news had reached them from the astral express that it was possible (about 98%) that you were the comet arriving in a week... oh boy were they NERVOUS. everything HAD to be perfect. they had everything to thank you for, during their life and death situation they were lucky enough to survive—thanks to you.
it was only natural to return the favour, you created them, their personality, their arms, legs, their body, you sculpted their face, you made them. you made the very world they live in right now, the world they call home... they were sure you were by their side, making them make the right decisions and the right thing. aventurine? oh, the amount of MONEY he will spend buying everything he thinks you'd like, the fanciest, most elegant and most expensive shoes, clothing and accessories. he would rent out an entire week or months of work at a restaurant if you'd like to dine alone or with a couple of people. he knows his luck is a part of him, he can only pray that he'll meet you first with his luck.
sunday... just the sound of your name makes him tear up. he could've sworn that one time you spoke to him, your other-worldly echoing voice speaking to him directly about the loss of his dear sister. and here he stood in his room, looking out the window, and in the far distant a light shimmering as it swiftly dived down. a shooting star. he knows that with everyone getting the news they're all aiming to be the first to meet you, and trust me, he does want to meet you FIRST. the second you land he'll be there right with you and guiding you to safety—penacony.
but first, he must pinpoint where exactly you'll land. and with his power and influence he will most definitely try his best to find you and be sure to hide you from everyone else... he needs you, desperately.
gallagher and boothill have exactly the same thoughts. to present themselves good to you and spend every minute and second with you. but with everyone gossiping and spreading rumours about your arrival it's hard to be unique. everyone wants to be with you, everyone wants your favour. but they could never worship you as much as them. they had dreamed of this moment, it seemed unreal to meet their own creator but nonetheless, they clung to their hope and boy did it not go to waste.
boothill basically pauses any mission he needs to complete, that can wait. you are eternal. he's practically on edge with the fact that at any moment the comet would crash through and there you'd be, dozing peacefully.. like an angel. he won't hesitate to cause some trouble or initiate some violence if it means that they don't get to see you first.
gallagher on the other hand tries to stay hidden and in the shadows. of course, he'd like to meet you face to face but with the feeling of an overwhelming and looming divine presence, it's all too much. and if that's too much then what would he feel when you stand right before him? he's like an overprotective dog, fiercely loyal and clingy. even if you can't spot him he'll be right there, lurking and watching.
dr. ratio and argenti are absolutely and 100% loyal and would do EVERYTHING in their power to meet you, even a glance would do, anything to feed their curiosity and desperate need to know the creator. so when they get wind that you were supposedly descending down... they freeze on the spot, their breath hitches as their eyes widen. could it really be?
dr. ratio was always a curious boy, and he has you to thank for giving him consciousness and the opportunities to venture out and earn knowledge and eventually spreading his knowledge to his students (preaching i guess you can say). he's a bit biased when it comes to talking about you to his friends or students, and speaking your name in a more positive light, not that anyone minds, if anything they agree!
although he isn't much of a gifter or "i'll spend my money on you" he's more of a "anything you want just tell me". if you told him to drop his precious books to come and tend to your needs he would do it in a heartbeat.
to argenti you are the standard and epitome of "beauty". the beauty he has been searching for his entire life. he intends to shower you with compliments and roses freshly picked by hand unless you're allergic or not a fan of flowers, fear not! compliments should do! be ready to be bombarded with such positivity, compliments and gifts from the knight of beauty.
anything you wish for he will try his utmost best to get it done perfectly and quickly. "your hair looks so pretty like this..." say no more, he will always style it and keep it exactly like that! "my feet feel so sore from all the walking" ?!!? why is his dear walking anyway!?!? don't worry, he'll massage it for you! "ugh all this work is making me tired" move aside, let him do the honours!!
It was a long ride home from work, you were currently in an almost empty bus, glancing over the top of your phone you read the time. 11 P.M.
Was it that late already? You knew this office job would be the death of you. You never wanted to work at a place like this, the cubicle life bored you and it was just so... depressing. That was the only way to describe it.
You decide to pass the time by playing your all-time favourite game: Honkai: Star Rail. The soft glow of the screen illuminated your face as you began to grind relics and exp for an upcoming character. It definitely worked in keeping you busy and awake as time passed by slowly.
All was well, everything was fine. You had everything planned in your head. Get home as soon as possible, take a nice warm and rejuvenating shower, get five hours of sleep, go back to work and repeat.
The more you thought about your daily routine the more you realised how depressing it was, but what could you do? That job was the only one that was hiring and had average pay and things like that are rare, especially when you decided to live in the city which was your first mistake.
You were barely getting by in the city, the crime rate increased, there were more breaks in, pickpocketing and murder. But despite all of that you decided to rent an apartment where it was less populated, the rent in the heart of the city was way too high.
Pushing all those thoughts and information aside you let out a defeated sigh, leaning your head on the window as you continued to tap away on your phone.
If only life went just a little bit easier on you.
Everything was fine. The silence was comfortable and the low, soft rumble of the engine kept you awake, until a loud deafening crash jolted the bus, sending people flying and falling onto the ground.
Letting out a scream you grabbed onto whatever you could to keep you steady—the head of the chair in front of you. Although it didn't do a good job of keeping you still you couldn't care less, because as you lifted your head, your eyes caught something massive charging straight at you, and before you could react, a blinding light engulfed you, followed by an eerie silence.
When you regained consciousness, you found yourself tightly packed against something dark and rocky. Just great! Something had happened to the bus and knocked you out.
You looked around, it was pure blackness, like a void. Maybe this was what happened after death... Out of all things and especially the time too!
Feeling confused and scared you try to move your body to shift into a more comfortable position but due to the lack of space, you could barely even move an inch.
Suddenly, a crack was heard. And you froze.
Then another crack, and another, the darkness began to crack and splinter and not long after half of the egg-shaped looking ball broke in half as it fell to the side.
Shards of obsidian-like material fractured and scattered around. A large amount of dust, and shiny glitter-like specs flew everywhere, it was extremely dusty.
Unfortunately, you inhaled the smoke, coughing and sputtering, you waved their hand in front of your face, trying to dispel the particles as you squinted against the harsh light that slipped through the smoke.
As the dust settled and the steam dissipated, your surroundings gradually came into focus. You found yourself in front of... one, two, three, four, and... five.... wait.. what?
Right before you stood four male figures (with the other seemed to have a more feminine build), male figures that looked awfully familiar to you for some odd reason, just why was that?
You were confused and curious as you surveyed your surroundings, realizing that maybe this was death? You would've never guessed that "life" after death would look like this. It was very.... interesting.
The buildings that surrounded you were intricate and otherworldly. Dazzling celestial landscapes and luminescent structures piqued your interest as you slowly and carefully stepped out of what you assumed was a shell.
Its' architect and infrastructure reminded you of something, it seemed nostalgic—as if you've seen this exact building before. The more you observed and watched, your eyes tracing every precise curve and detail of the buildings your heart began to pick up its pace.
Your eyes searched every corner and inch, and finally, it landed back on the five figures you had spotted before and it wasn't until you caught sight of familiar faces that you were certain that you had to be hallucinating somehow after death.
There, standing in a circle, were figures that you could hardly believe were real: Caelus, Dan Heng, Gepard, and Bronya. It was unmistakably them.
Their presence, their unmistakable aura of reverence, left you no doubt.
They watched you, their gazes filled with awe and admiration as if you were the embodiment of some long-awaited prophecy (and in this case, it was).
You were in disbelief. Disbelief that you had somehow been transported into the very game they were playing moments ago, but now they were tangible, real.
It was a long silence, it was both comfortable and uncomfortable with their longing gaze. You remained still as you checked around your surroundings once again before settling your eyes back on the group of people.
At your gaze they felt a shiver down their spine, and the hair on their skin stood up.
"W—Who are you guys?!" You yelled, narrowing your eyes to see if it was truly the characters from the game you adored.
Dan Heng's breath hitched at the sound of your booming voice, your voice... it was just like how they described what you would sound like in the carved stones and ancient scrolls.
The more he stared at you the more he wanted to come to you, to kneel down at your feet and profess how long he has been waiting for this moment.
With his eyes trained on your figure, he steps closer, Gepard notices and swiftly stops him from moving any further with his arm. Dan Heng looks to his side, confusion strewn on his face.
Not a single word was spoken yet with a stern gaze and the shake of a head, Dan Heng understood. Now was not the right time.
Minutes passed by in complete and utter silence, it unnerved you. Why were they so quiet? So watchful?
Finally, after what felt like hours, the silence was broken just with a couple words.
"We have been awaiting your arrival, Your Gracefulness."
note: after 5 months WOW. i've been so busy with things i haven't had the time to really sit down and work. I'm so sorry everyone!
tags 🏷️: @tomansimp @one-offmind @miitchiji @dainsleif-when-playable @momoewn @stygianoir @irethepotato @imetsk @fiannee @sunnyf4lls @goldenglow149 @rhwm @urlocalheizousimp @saltylovetale-blog @toramune @oreo-ren @backintomykpopphaseagain @serenity-loves-red @flooofity @minteasketches @yurassia @chellazhef @fulldoves @kateybuggi @wanderingconstellations @mini-shower @160ccm @rosariashield @sickize @sarah22447 @dreamlessnight @gimmealmap @bebeluvs @caramelstarlight @sukiidreams @oceanist @achy-boo @alhaitie @dilucragnvindr-my-beloved @that-mom-friend @v-ish @merormerry @gojoulen03 @scarletttcrow @hadischara @kithewanderingme @keiqq @livelaughlovekuni @chirikoheina @wr1t3rfum1k0 @issacdaholi @yu-ulda @alysinbshsu @vanilla-sweets @your-local-reblogging-kazoo @be-gay-do-crime-ahaha @seipaws @clavichordcleffa @uhhhiwassup @youdontneedyoknowlol @the-lazy-perfectionist @issacdarknight @lucienbarkbark @bizzybkd @obliviousariies2007 @coffee-seed
(if the usernames aren’t highlighted that’s because I can’t tag you so I’ll dm you when I post a new chapter! if i forgot to tag you im so sorry!)
for those i've taged: if you do not want to tagged for hsr drop a comment or message me.
liking + following + reblogs are greatly appreciated!!!
#hsr x reader#honkai star rail x reader#dan heng x reader#blade x reader#jing yuan x reader#sunday x reader#aventurine x reader#gallagher x reader#dr ratio x reader#boothill x reader#luka x reader#sampo x reader#gepard x reader#argenti x reader#welt x reader#caelus x reader#imbibitor lunae x reader#luocha x reader#hsr x you#hsr x y/n
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bucky barnes x fem!reader
summary: everyone thinks you're dating bucky, except yourself.
word count: 2.4k
warnings: 18+ minors dni. miscommunication (i love this trope, sue me), angst with a happy fluffy ending, quite stubborn reader, implied smut if you squint, usage of petnames such as baby and doll. lowercase for basically everything.
i haven't finished anything in decades, but i suddenly had an idea just now and decided to write it down. surprisingly, i finished it? might have a lot of mistakes and such since i haven't proofread it yet. also, sorry for using lowercase for this, i kinda like how it looks. hope you enjoy this one!
dividers by @cafekitsune!
comments, reblogs, and likes are highly appreciated. thank you! ♡
“you're confusing me. so... you're not dating bucky?”
wanda tilted her head, confusion etched on her face as you spent your weekly girl's night with natasha. it usually consisted of eating food you all desired, drinking until you got wasted, and spilling secrets to one another.
although tonight, you weren't sure if you had any secrets to spill.
"as far as i know, no. we're just friends, teammates. nothing else," you answered with a heavy sigh. "can we talk about something else?"
"hold your horses, young lady! we are not skipping this topic again. you obviously want a label but he isn't giving you one!" wanda protested. she has been constantly asking about you and bucky's relationship for the past weeks, and you always had the same answer. you don't know.
"have you never talked about it with bucky? he looks at you like you'd get lost if he looks away for a second. not a single soul in the tower would think that you're just friends," natasha interjected, taking another sip from the bottle of beer she held. she had a point, as always. "if he's just playing with you, which i highly doubt for barnes, then just end whatever that is. you deserve better than having doubts and confusion, babe."
you've tried asking him multiple times, but every attempt felt like you were stepping on his boundaries. after years of being controlled by hydra, you knew it was possible that he'd hate the feeling of being rushed and entering a relationship that could potentially feel like a cage to him.
but natasha was right. your "relationship" was no longer anything friendly. he sleeps in your bed, claiming he slept better in it, and wakes up beside you to shower you with kisses. none of you even tried to hide it after some time. you always cooked your meals and ate them together, casually feeding one another and stealing kisses in between. you even stopped going on dates and you had no idea if you were exclusive. you deserved to know what your relationship with bucky was, but you were too scared to lose everything once you asked.
"we're not dating. i only see him as a friend, so you can both stop worrying about me." you lied through your teeth, your chest aching as you realised how stupid this was. you sighed and faked a smile, shifting the attention to natasha. "so, tell me about your date with steve! how was the first ever date of captain america since the 40s?"
wanda was distracted by the question, immediately bombarding the now blushing widow with questions. on the other hand, your mind flew away for a minute, finally deciding to get an answer from bucky.
the annual ball that tony stark held for, well, nearly anyone, was nearing. you only had two weeks left, and you haven't even gone out to find something to wear. it was hard to find any motivation to do all that effort when the person you've been waiting to ask you as his date hasn't asked you yet.
although, bucky had a tendency to get shy and hold back. you knew that. so here you were, standing behind the doors to the gym, knowing that bucky would be training at this hour. you still haven't asked him the question you were supposed to ask him, so you decided to do it all at once.
after you've finished your small pep talk, you opened the door to enter the room and your first instinct was to search for bucky.
considering that he was a huge chunk of a man, he was easy to find. however, the sight of him standing in front of a woman that was too close for your comfort wasn't delightful.
he didn't see you entering the room since he was facing the opposite direction, conversing with the agent that happened to be training as well. she had the sweetest and flirtiest smile on her face, bringing her hand up to his arm, slowly caressing it. you didn't mean to easily hear their conversation as you walked closer.
"so, do you happen to have someone for me to have as a date for the ball? i don't want to be lonely on that night, sergeant," the agent said with an extra pout, swaying her hips side to side like a child asking for candy.
"oh, yeah? i think i have someone for you," bucky replied, breaking your heart into pieces with how enthusiastic he was with his answer. "i'm sure you'll—"
you sniffed. unconsciously. not knowing that your tears were already falling, causing your nose to get stuffy. how pathetic, you thought.
your little sniff caught the attention of both the agent and bucky, looking at you in shock. although, the girl was more pleasantly surprised than the opposite. thankfully, you already had your tears wiped before they could see them.
"oh, we didn't see you there!" she greeted you with your name. "we were just talking about our date for this year's ball. who are you bringing?"
"i haven't decided yet, no one's worth it even if i try," you answered bitterly. "so you're going together?"
before bucky could answer, the agent already had her arm wrapped around his, happily smiling at your question. "yeah! amazing, right? i actually thought you two had a thing, but i guess not. glad things worked out in the end."
and that was your last straw. "well, enjoy yourselves. i have to go and find natasha."
you turned to leave, ignoring the loud calls of bucky. you were glad that you never asked him about your relationship and the ball. you were going to be hurt either way.
you spent the next hours stuck in your room, body covered with a thick sheet as you ranted about your frustrations to friday.
it was silly, you knew that, but you refused to call natasha and wanda to remind you of your stupidity and decided to let an ai robot listen to your problems instead.
"and he even flirted back! answering coyly like a teenager. he's 107 years old, fri!" you whined, not noticing the new nickname you've given the alternative intelligence. "ugh, now i have a broken heart and no date in sight. how did it get to this?"
"perhaps you must discuss this matter with sergeant barnes first. your conversation ended quite abruptly with no clear conclusion."
"no, i don't want the truth rubbed on my face," you said, grabbing another piece of tissue to sneeze in. "you restricted him from entering my room, right?"
friday answered with a yes, then you thanked her for listening and decided to get some sleep after tirelessly crying for hours. you knew you had a team meeting with the avengers in a bit, but you couldn't bring yourself to even walk a few steps.
your sleep ended and you were woken up with friday's reminder that it was time for dinner with the team.
with a groan, you pushed yourself off your bed. bucky would be there, but you were too hungry to care. it would be awkward, of course, but you had to face him at some point anyway.
your feet padded towards the door, opening it after trying your hair in a bun.
"ah, fuck."
you jumped at the voice and the body falling to the floor as you opened the door.
"bucky?" you asked, still in shock. "were you sleeping outside of my room?"
you watched bucky stand up, his hand massaging his aching nape as he looked for your eyes. "friday won't let me in. i waited outside instead. i guess i fell asleep during that," he explained, a frown forming on his face. "did you restrict me from entering our room?"
your eyes widened at his choice of words. our room. he considered your room to be his room as well. while that would've made you melt in an instant, you were still hurt to entertain that possibility.
"this is my room, barnes. not yours, not ours. and yes, i had you restricted because i couldn't face you yet. what do you need anyway?"
"i wanted to see you, talk to you." a flash of pain crossed his eyes. "whatever happened at the gym, it's—"
"bucky, you don't have to explain anything to me. we're just friends. it's my fault i assumed we were something. i just need some time to get over it."
"but i thought we were something as well..." he replied, his voice was almost as quiet as a whisper. "i thought we were dating."
"were we?" you asked, genuinely curious. "we never.. you never said anything. i mean, yeah, i wished it meant something, but i thought you wouldn't want to be trapped in a relationship with me, so i just waited. apparently, i was right and i can't blame you for that."
"right about what? the thing that happened in the gym this morning?" he asked. you nodded in response. "i know it sounds like i was flirting back, well i didn't know at the moment, until i asked steve who was clueless but he called nat to help me out and explained that it looked like i was flirting back. i wasn't. i was just going to suggest sam as a date for her. i would never agree to anyone."
oh. so he just wasn't interested in anyone at all.
"besides this one girl who's constantly been in my head. that's if she'd even give me a chance and say yes. i fucked it up badly before i could even ask her properly."
you knew what hoping got you, but you couldn't help but think that he was talking about you. he'd have to be clueless to say all those things in front of you only for it to be someone else.
"i love you, baby. i should've told you that, i should've made it clear sooner. i'm so sorry i let you have doubts when i could've been reassuring you about what i feel for you."
"bucky..."
"i would never feel trapped with you, doll. only you made me feel so much love and freedom. i'd be a fool to let go of that. i'm sorry it took a few hits and harsh words from natasha to make me realise that i wasn't giving you enough when you deserve everything." he held your face in his hands, bringing you closer to him. you felt breathless, tears threatening to fall but this time it was out of joy. "hydra made sure i had no voice to express myself. now, i'll use it to let you know that i love you so fucking much that it hurts when you're not around. i promise to work on it. if anything like this happens again, ask me, baby. demand things from me. i'll give you everything in a heartbeat."
"even if i ask for your arm?"
he laughed, a sound that was music to your ears. "it's yours baby. although, i do like fucking you with my metal—"
"bucky!" you scolded him, hitting him lightly on the chest.
"sorry, baby. couldn't help it. missed my girl so much."
his girl. you loved hearing that.
"it's only been a few hours. don't be silly," you reminded him, but you knew you also felt the same.
"i miss you even when i don't see you for a second." you couldn't help but laugh at his words. "something funny, doll?"
"sorry, natasha said something similar about you a few days ago," you answered. "i'm sorry for assuming so quickly, bucky. you deserved the chance to explain."
"and you did let me explain. i can't blame you for assuming and getting hurt when i never gave you the confirmation to believe otherwise. don't apologise for it, baby."
"i love you," you said, causing him to grin widely.
"yeah? you love me too?" he asked, a hint of pink tinting his cheeks. "this is official now, right? we're dating?"
you nodded happily, giggling as he landed a kiss to your mouth. "so, you wanna go to the ball with me?"
he kissed you again. "don't. i'm supposed to be asking you that. i had an entire thing prepared for you, i even dragged half of the team to help me out days ago. besides wanda and natasha, of course. couldn't let them tell you about it."
your heart swelled, he was already planning to ask you before all of this misunderstanding happened, and it could've been solved with communication. lesson learned, indeed.
"well hurry because i can't wait to say yes," you playfully threatened him, kissing the tip of his nose until the loud rumble of your stomach interrupted your sweet moment. "ah, right. i was on my way to eat dinner when i opened the door."
bucky laughed, his eyes twinkling witth adoration as he kept his eyes on you. "we can't have you starving, that's for sure. come, let's get you something." he held your hand, and dragged you to the kitchen. he turned to look at you with a playful smile. "wanna cook together like the old times?"
you smiled. "like the old times."
in the middle of your cooking session, you heard whistles and claps along with the footsteps that entered the kitchen. you both turned to find the rest of the team with shit eating grins.
"finally! so is this real or do we need to smack your heads?" tony asked, his hand placed on his hip.
"it's always been real, stark," bucky answered, wrapping his arm around your waist. "except this time, i'm making sure my entire world knows it."
"i think everybody knows you have a thing for each other, barnes." clint added.
"i meant my entire world, not everybody." bucky looked at you with awe. "she's my world."
bucky's answer gained various loud reactions from the team, mostly calling him a cheesy old man and fake gags, but there you were, cheeks heating up as you looked back at him with the same amount of love, if not more.
and he did ask you to be his date to the ball the day after, surprising you with his so-called secret plan.
a year later, he surprised you with a ring as he knelt on one knee.
if you have any requests for bucky, send them my way! 💌
#bucky barnes#bucky barnes fic#bucky barnes x reader#bucky barnes fanfic#bucky barnes fluff#bucky barnes imagine#bucky barnes x fem!reader#bucky barnes smut#bucky x reader#mcu#marvel#bucky barnes x y/n#bucky barnes fanfiction
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if you'll allow me to flaunt my psych minor for a second, I'd like to talk about epigenetics. there's studies that show that if you shock a rat when you let them taste a certain flavor, they will immediately become averse to that flavor. not surprising. what is surprising is that the rat's grandchildren, who have never been shocked when given that flavor, will also be averse to it and afraid of it and avoid it. there's also correlational evidence to suggest that the descendants of people who suffered through famine are more likely to put on weight and keep it on easier, even if they have never been through a famine themself.
trauma gets passed down. the kinds of trauma your parents, grandparents, and so-on lived through is still living in you. even if your parents were the most well-off, loving, best parents in the world, their trauma is still in you.
now if you'll allow me to take a slight turn here: there's a wild rabbit inside every jew.
my dad grew up being called "jew-boy." my mother had a coworker throw pennies at her at her job in the 2010s. and that's just two examples. they both grew up being harassed for being jewish. I wasn't. I'm incredibly lucky. the amount of antisemitism I've experienced in real life has been incredibly minimal. I didn't even hear anyone make an antisemitic joke in front of me until college.
and none of us were seriously persecuted. none of my grandparents were seriously persecuted. but even though nobody's broken my windows, nobody's beaten me in the streets, and I haven't been at any of those horrible protests in person, the fear is there. this deep seated, blood-pumping fear of the ancient jewish rabbit in me telling me to run. to run for dear life, to run as far as my legs can get me, as long as my heart keeps pumping and my lungs keep breathing.
we all feel this.
everyone feels this.
I called my mother yesterday. when I brought up this feeling she paused, and the silence said everything. she told me I wasn't alone. she feels it. my dad feels it. my brother feels it. my nana and grampa feel it. every jew you know, online, in real life, hell, even the famous ones, they feel it. the rabbit is inside us all, and the rabbit knows, because its brothers who didn't flee in the past were slaughtered.
the rabbit is leaping around my chest, all of our chests, chanting run run run run run run run.
I don't know if I can explain it to gentiles. I don't know if this makes sense to you. I don't know how to get across how crystal clear and deep and primal this fear is, and how much all of us are feeling the exact same fear, despite our different lives and different histories and the fact we're different people.
part of me wishes it didn't matter. that I didn't feel like I needed to get goyim to understand my specific cultural and ethnic experiences. because I don't feel like I need to deeply understand everyone else's. I am a white passing ashkenazi american jew, and I will never fully understand what it is like to be anything else. that doesn't dissolve my responsibility to educate myself and practice empathy, but it's ok. idk, maybe other people do desperately wish they could get people not in their specific group to deeply understand what it's like to be them. I imagine that feeling is universal. I guess, it's just like, the left is unified that everyone is a person, everyone is equal, everyone is human, except the jews. nobody is left out but the jews. everyone's word is believed, but the jews. and it makes me feel like I have to beg and plead with people to understand what being jewish means, because we're not included with everyone else. we're the enemy. and I want people to see we're not the enemy.
epigenetics.
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wow i really cant be around my flatmates for very long without getting kinda pissed at them rn. lmao
#its not their fault theyre just doing their thing. like ik its irrational but that doesnt make it feel less real yknow#i just leave whenever it starts kicking up or swallow it down + tell myself its not for me. ik my place etc. been avoiding discord as well#hopefully itll pass without incident ik its probs just a projection of how bad im doing atm. i dont wanna make anyone else feel bad abt it#but Man. whatever not my problem#last night was so sick im using it to eclipse everything that sucks babyyy#i was thinking actually like yeah all of the worst shit in my life i experienced alone. but all of the best shit i also experienced alone#well 'alone' not in the sense that no one else was there but yknow no one who personally knew me or cared abt me#and both good + bad none of those experiences are rly things i can explain to anyone else like u had to be there#idk like maybe its a little alienating but theres also smth rly comforting abt that. theyre just for me im holding them close#anyway love u guys im gonna go play noita a bit and plan the rest of my dayyy#.diaries#.vent
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─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪𝘪. (𝘯𝘰 𝘭𝘰𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘰𝘯𝘭𝘺 𝘮𝘶𝘳𝘥𝘦𝘳) ⛵️
⤷ summary: miami and monaco. just lando being horribly down bad and y/n being at her wits end. poor oscar just can't escape the train wreck that is two losers with feelings and zero (0) emotional competency .
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liked by landonorris, ynusername, and 45,790 others
tagged oscarpiastri and landonorris
mclaren sorry to report that the only good thing about miami was the weather! (and the celebrities)
17,492 comments
user1 it's okay admin, you can say the car was shit
mclaren yeah the car was shit
user2 mclaren team is cursed i fear
mclaren alr where my witch baddies at? please unhex us pls pls pls
user3 uhm!!!????
mclaren desperate times desperate measures and all that jazz
user4 normal people: oh no the car is bad. yn: we're cursed for generations to come ☹️
landonorris i didn't get to meet shakira, what's the point of going on living
mclaren there is none! kys
landonorris oh wow
user5 nahhhh she gettin fired 💀
user6 not a single photo with lando's face 😭
user7 boohoo ☺️ OSCAR FANS, THEY BROKE BUT WE UP ‼️‼️‼️
user6 ok enough
landonorris post me challenge (difficult)
mclaren uh no (: go talk to hr bro we do not careeeeeee
user8 this beef is crazy, yall havent made up yet
user9 DOES ANYONE EVEN KNOW WHY THEYRE BEEFING 😭
oscarpiastri yeah
mclaren hey oscar! great race
oscarpiastri don't ever lie to my face like that again
maxfewtrell gonna build the car myself at this point
user10 i see a podium in our future everyone say thank you max
user11 y/n livestream when 😔
ynusername (;
user11 WHAT DOES THIS MEAN
user12 lando and admin flirting again, who could've guessed
user13 ... she told him to kill himself
user14 the enemies to lovers is enemying 🤩
user13 yeah, it's giving enemies to lovers but no lovers only murder
mclaren truth.
user12 ARIANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING HWRE
user15 mclaren, fire everyone and hire y/n as the engineer/ strategist/ driver/ pit crew/ pr
mclaren we winning ����
oscarpiastri you'd be the only one finishing cause everyone else would die ☝🏻
mclaren shut the fuck up oscar 🙄
user16 flying cars they said 😔
mclaren how the mighty have fallen
user17 WE THE BEST TEAM ON THE GRIDDDD YUHHH
mclaren i'm gonna hold your hand while i say this
user18 it's been 20 years since i've seen my husband 😞 (admin won't post pictures of lando anymore)
mclaren your husband is ugly as fuck
landonorris what the fuck!
mclaren get off your phone loser
user19 full oscar picture when (i'mbeg ging you please i needg it nowe)
mclaren BAD DOG DOWN OMFG
lilyzneimer i would argue you were the best part of miami
mclaren YOU ARE SO FINE YOU SHUT YOUR MOUTH BEAUTIFUL GIRL 🤭
oscarpiastri GET AWAY FROM HER YOU FREAK 🤺
user20 y/n being unprofessional on the team page, who's shocked
mclaren and the world kept spinning
user21 we all know who was really shit here (looking at you lando)
mclaren it's not funny when you do it.
landonorris when she defends you 🥴
mclaren i'm telling a trusted adult danielricciardo
danielricciardo what the fuck makes you think i can be trusted
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would you like to join? yes or no
now loading...
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The image flickered onto the screen as the broadcast began. Lando, clothed comfortably in sweats, a cap, and his streaming headphones, looked briefly off camera to where his guests sat waiting to be introduced.
He glanced up at Streamlabs and was shocked to see he had upwards of 30,000 viewers. He had only just started the stream and many people had likely not even gotten the Twitch notification yet. He shook off his shock and plastered on his usual smirk.
Everything is fine. I am totally and completely fine.
"Welcome, welcome. How are you all doing today? There's a lot of people here already. What's the special occasion guys?" He joked, being met with a scoff from the girl to his left.
Everything is not fine at all.
Lando almost never felt nervous when he would stream. After all, he was just playing game with his friends, the chat comments streaming through at a speed he could barely read. Even then, being in Formula One for so long meant he was used to being watched, his every little move being observed nearly constantly since his debut in 2019.
And yet all it took was her presence and suddenly he was nervous. His palms were sweaty, his heart was beating at a mile a minute- honestly you would think he were racing. How could he be expected to be funny and charming when she was here. She never seemed to struggle much in the department. It was almost entirely natural for her. Being perfect was like breathing air to Y/n he suspected.
As he watched the chat messages stream past even quicker on his monitor, he finally caught Oscar's gaze out of the corner of his eye. The younger man quirked a brow at him. What's your problem? His teammate seemed to say. He ignored him. Stupid Oscar and his stupid opinions and his stupid, uncomplicated love life. Lando envied the Australian most days, but now he just wanted to punch him straight in the jaw.
"Alright, it seems like most people are here already, so I'll just get started. I'm sure you're all wondering who my special guests are. The suspense must be killing you surely," He teased his audience. He ignored the completely accurate guesses in his chat.
Was he so predictable that it could be assumed it was either his teammate, Y/n, or Max were his special guests? Or was this a more unfortunate warning sign that he was just plain old boring.
"Seems like most people in chat were smart enough to figure it out! Please give a warm welcome to my guests! The lovely, stunning, awe-inspiring Y/n!" He cheered as the girl groaned, rolling her chair forward so she was behind him and within the frame of the camera.
"Oh and also Oscar's here," Lando added boredly, voice almost entirely monotone. Oscar scoffed loudly and he shot into frame kicking Lando's chair roughly, almost knocking him over and startling a laugh out of the girl behind them.
"Your an asshole mate," Oscar scoffed. Lando didn't hear him. The melodic laughing in his ear from Y/n was quite frankly the only sound his brain could process.
Who knew a laugh could sound so beautiful.
Who knew I could be so god damn embarrassing, Lando thought miserably.
"Guys do you see what I have to put up with!? How I get any shit done around here is a wonder," Y/n scoffed, "Anyways, welcome everybody, this is my stream now." Lando squawked indignantly.
"Excuse you, your in my home!"
"Yeah, unfortunately," she muttered with an eye roll and Oscar laughed.
"You should be grateful! Although these aren't the circumstances I was hoping to have you here under for the first time," Lando said with a completely unsubtle wink.
Y/n grimaced and Oscar doubled over with the force of his laughter.
"Viewers I am so sorry, please leave now, I have no way to muzzle him and apparently I can't sensor him," Y/n scowled.
"I fear he might enjoy that," Oscar muttered with a shake of his head.
Oh you motherfucker, Lando thought. Talk about subtle.
"If it was you, I probably would," Lando said to the girl and she planted her palm into the center of his face and shoved him lightly.
"Oh gross, cooties or STDs or whatever it is you men carry," Y/n shook her hands off and fake gagged.
"EXCUSE ME!" Lando shouted as Oscar nearly fell out of his chair.
"You're excused!"
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Y/n was holding on to her sanity by a thread. Or whatever was smaller than a thread... a hair or something. They had been answering fan questions for nearly 15 minutes already and Lando had decided today would be the day he would do nothing but flirt with her incessantly. He was like a child with a question or dog with a bone; He wouldn't let it the fuck go.
The sound of text-to-speech beginning dragged Y/n out of her thought spiral.
"Lando, what is your favorite video you've ever filmed?" The question asked.
Oh brother, Y/n thought. She looked at Oscar and he only laughed. How helpful.
"Probably the water TikTok challenge," Oscar hummed in agreeance.
"Why?" Y/n asked in confusion. She realized belatedly that asking Lando anything right now was probably a bad idea. She had set herself up this time.
"I don't know, I'm just a personal fan of anything that involves your hands in my hair," He smirked and she rolled her eyes. Her stomach flipped as she looked at his eyes. How could such a stupid, stupid man have such nice eyes (and lips, and teeth, and-).
"Well that's interesting," She smirked back, leaning her body toward him, ignoring the way she was blushing down to her chest. Her ears felt hot. It was hard to focus when she felt like she was burning alive, an unfortunate side effect that seemed to come with the irritating Brit in front of her.
"That was my favorite too," she added and Lando's eyes widened. Oscar looked at her in confusion over Lando's head.
"Really?" Lando asked, suprise clear in his voice. His smirk fell away for only a moment, but it was long enough for Y/n to notice.
Poor little Lando Norris, she thought. A bit too easy to read, this one.
"Yep," she grinned, before letting her face fall. "I'm a big fan of anything that means I can drown you." She responded in a monotone voice. Oscar cackled. The poor guy had hardly been asked any questions. Y/n found she didn't feel too bad anyway. The asshole was enjoying her suffering far too much.
Y/n knew the chat was going wild at their interactions, but she didn't really find herself caring. Maybe this was a bad look from a PR stand point, but then again didn't they always say "any press is good press."
Y/n wondered if the idiots who said that had ever had an inappropriate attraction to their asshole of a coworker, who just so happened to be public figure with fans who were becoming more aware of the tension with every day that interacted.
Probably fucking not.
Y/n watched as Lando's faux upset face cracked into a smile as he began to laugh heartily. She couldn't help but smile. Y/n was finding it hard to hold onto whatever grudge she had before. Maybe Lando Norris and his perfect smile, and his stupid jokes and his charming attitude weren't all that bad. Maybe, just maybe.
But they had absolutely no affect on her. None at all.
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liked by maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri, and 38,924 others
tagged landonorris
ynusername monaco post-gp (help me this guy is stalking me i can't get rid of him help hel
11,209 comments
user22 damn he took out my girl mid-sentence 😔
user23 Y/N POSTED LANDO?? AM I DREAMING?? AM I HAVING A STROKE??? OH GOD AM I DEAD
user24 girl calm the fuck down
user25 DOES THIS MEAN THE BEEF IS OVER
ynusername yes! (he has a gun to my head)
user26 LANY/N SHIPPERS WE RISE ONCE MORE
user27 get it together, they've posted together ONCE
user28 is lany/n in the room with us
user29 "lando and y/n getting along isn't real, it can't hurt you!" OH REALLY
landonorris i had other plans but i cancelled them to be your tour guide, you're welcome
ynusername me when i fucking lie
oscarpiastri do my eyes decieve me
ynusername shut up oscar
landonorris yeah shut up oscar
user30 couples that fight their friend together, stay together
ynusername i can and will block you 😃
user30 oh.
oscarpiastri no it's fine i didn't want to be invited
oscarpiastri i totally hate the ocean, it's not like i surf or anything
oscarpiastri looks boring, would've hated to go on a boat
landonorris other than the fact that i lost my flip flop in the ocean, it was fun i guess
user31 good job lando this came off exactly as nonchalant as you hoped king
ynusername HAHA LOSER YOU LOST YOUR SHOE
oscarpiastri I LOST SOMETHING ONCE 😞
user32 close enough, welcome back brocedes
ynusername literally what is the correlation here
user32 idk leave me alone
user33 um so this is actually insane
user34 i screamed so loud my neighbors called the cops because they thought i was being murdered
user35 can you be normal
user36 this might be the first original experience
user35 no, not original, just embarrassing
user37 i want to be excited about this but it feels so sinister
ynusername good, it should be
maxfewtrell never in my 23 years of living could i have expected this (lando messaged me to tell me what he was doing today)
user38 posting a comment is optional
maxfewtrell i have fomo, can i live
user39 lany/n shippers all around the world cheered
user40 oh you different friend!
user41 onto something ❌ on something ✅
user42 and the crowd is... the crowd is leaving??
user43 my crew lets go
user44 "war is over" we all say in unison
oscarpiastri not likely 💀
user23 HELLO OMFHADFSLJ
danielricciardo oh so you can hang out with him in monaco but not with me
ynusername sorry babygirl 😔 i didn't mean to abandon you
danielricciardo ew never fucking mind
maxverstappen1 i live in monaco too! hope this helps
ynusername i knew that already! hope this helps
maxverstappen1 oh.
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ynusername posted to story!
(caption: he won't leave me alone, this is sick)
17,822 replies
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landonorris posted to story!
(caption: she's trying to convince me it's cold out... girl no it is not)
24,006 replies
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I AM SOOOOO SORRY THIS TOOK 5 MILLION YEARS TO BE UPDATED!! i am hoping to be more consistent moving forward, but my schedule is a bit of a mess with school. hopefully i'll be able to get some requests fulfilled soon as well though!
most importantly, thank you so much for all the love and support on this fic!! the amount of comments, asks, and dms asking about updates was staggering and it makes me so happy that you all like to so much (: receiving such positive feedback for this fic has honestly rejuvenated my love for writing so much, and i can't express how much the support means to me.
please keep leaving comments and dms with your thoughts, i love reading them <3 hope u enjoyed!
-
𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666
#f1 x female reader#f1 x reader#f1 x y/n#formula 1#f1#f1 smut#f1 x you#formula one#f1 imagine#f1 smau#lando norris x y/n#lando norris fanfic#lando norris x reader#lando norris#lando norris imagine#racew1nn3rs: fake it till you make it#racew1nn3rs
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Which ones of these arbitrary trauma-induced rules do you follow?
No spending money, ever. what if you need it later and your life depends on it.
Assume that all strangers are 3 seconds close to becoming hostile. fawn to keep them friendly.
No delegating tasks. no telling other people to do things you could potentially do yourself. what if they mess up.
Assume that everyone will consider you a burden if you do 1 single mistake that inconveniences them. do all that is possible to not make that mistake.
Do not admit when things are going wrong. wait until theres no other option but to ask for help, and even then consider not doing that.
Always act like you're okay. not doing so might make you seem 'not normal' and 'accused of being crazy and unstable'.
Do anything for friends, even if it sounds weird, dodgy, illegal. you want to prove that you're fun and easy going and helpful and useful and extremely cool with anything.
Never let it show if you're suspicious of someone. never say out loud that you think their intentions are bad. that might set them off.
If hurt, hide and isolate. Do not let anyone see you hurt.
Do not ask help for problems you feel are your own responsibility to solve. Even if you don't see yourself solving them successfully. If you can't do it, assume nobody can help you.
Help others to try and build positive relationships. Don't accept help so you don't end up relying on them for anything.
Do not start things that involve help or participation from other people. People are not reliable.
Assume that institutions, government, police, social services, and any kind of groups of people are all considering you a nuisance, and would attack you on sight, in every single situation. Never rely on them or assume they would do anything else.
No arguing, confronting, or standing up for yourself unless the situation is absolutely unsurvivable otherwise. Lay low until doing otherwise is seriously damaging your mental health and ability to live.
Give up on hopeful social encounters before they disappoint you. If you have to interact with people, assume the worst is about to happen.
No allowing yourself to idealize, or dream of positive future with people. It's a trap and your expectations need to be either extremely realistic or low.
Assume that fancy and expensive things don't exist for you. Despise them and get away from them.
No comparing yourself and your life to how other people live. It causes depression and despair. Other people's lives and standards of living are none of your business.
Do not showcase any skill or brag about any achievement. Jealous people can destroy you for satisfaction.
Assume people think the worst of you and don't consider changing their mind. Just try to keep out of their way.
Do not display anger. You don't want to be called insane or get arrested. You don't know what people could potentially blame you for if you're openly angry. But other angry people are dangerous and you need to get away from them.
If you follow more than half of these, you have a trauma-induced problem. These are not normal or healthy. These are not developed in a healthy environment. These are extremely self-protective, isolating, ruled by terror of the world and the people living in it. If you follow these, something bad has been done to you.
#trauma rules#living in trauma#consequences of trauma#social anxiety#aftermath of abuse#aftermath of trauma#trauma induced rules#long term abuse#consequences of abuse#extreme self-reliance
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⋆。゚In their love, they bloom like a dark rose, its thorns only striking those who try to escape. ゚。⋆
— Vi, Caitlyn, Sevika, and Jinx.
VI.
Vi would do anything to protect you, but her obsession consumes her, driving her to see threats in every corner, even where none exist. In her mind, danger lurks in the shadows, always watching, and you are the only one who can escape this threat... even if it isn’t real.
Her irritable nature compels her to act impulsively, before her mind has the chance to halt the torrent of emotions. She doesn’t hesitate to confront anyone, even if they are just a stranger who has approached you out of curiosity, convincing herself that anyone who crosses your path is a danger, no matter how harmless they seem.
Vi clings to her justification, arguing that her control is merely an expression of love, that everything she does is for your own good. But beneath those words lies a dark echo, as if she cannot fathom a world where you don’t need her, where her influence is not vital to your survival.
Her gestures of affection, far from being tender, are invasive and violent. Her hugs, excessive and tight, feel as if she could crush you. The words she whispers in your ear, filled with intensity, steal the air between you, with a fervor bordering on obsession, as if she’s marking you, immortalizing you in her world, only for herself.
Though her exterior is one of hardness, beneath that mask beats a deep fear: the fear of losing you. She knows that without you, her world would crumble, empty, incomplete. “If you don’t want me near, just tell me… but don’t expect me to stand idly by while someone tries to take away the only thing that gives my life meaning.”
CAITLYN.
Caitlyn becomes ensnared in her own whirlwind of thoughts, convinced that her obsessive love is the only thing capable of offering you the care you deserve. She sees herself as the only one who can truly understand and protect you, regardless of the boundaries she must cross to keep you by her side.
With a sharp, calculating mind, Caitlyn weaves invisible threads around your life, orchestrating every detail so subtly that you're barely aware of her control. From the people you allow into your circle to the places you step foot in, everything is meticulously designed to keep you under her sway.
Using her charm, Caitlyn spins a web of carefully chosen words, manipulating your perception with a smile that conceals the darkness lurking inside her. She has no qualms about distorting the truth, lying, and creating parallel realities, all to ensure you remain bound to her, oblivious to the trap you've fallen into.
Her control over you goes beyond the physical; Caitlyn becomes an emotional necessity, feeding your dependency with gestures that seem loving but are, in reality, invisible chains. She makes you feel as though you cannot breathe without her presence, turning herself into an irreplaceable part of your life, a constant shadow you cannot escape.
Anyone who dares to get close is seen as an immediate threat, and Caitlyn doesn’t need to resort to open violence. Her deadliest weapon is her influence, capable of destroying slowly, without anyone suspecting a thing. "Why waste time with them, darling? I’ll handle everything. It’s much better if you follow my suggestions; I promise everything will be fine."
SEVIKA.
Sevika sees you as hers—like a treasure no one else deserves to touch. Her obsession is a dangerous blend of control and overbearing protection. Should anyone dare to put you in harm's way, she will become the shadow that eliminates any threat, without remorse and with brutal precision.
Any intruder who gets too close will be stopped by her mere presence. The intensity of her gaze and the unyielding strength of her stance instill terror in even the bravest hearts. She needs no words: her silence is a warning, and her actions, the verdict.
Believing the world is a deadly trap for you, she begins to build a cage of isolation. Every argument she makes is wrapped in false sweetness: "It’s for your own good, trust me," while the chains of her obsession tighten a little more with each passing day.
Flowers and sweet words are not her style, but her actions speak louder than anything. The moment she senses you’re in danger, she will unleash an inhuman fury, showing just how far she’s willing to go to protect you.
Her emotions are a storm hidden beneath a mask of cold serenity. Every action is calculated, every decision made with precision. "I don’t need to shout to show you how much I love you. You see it in what I do, don't you?" she murmurs, her voice calm yet carrying a weight that leaves no doubt about the intensity of her devotion.
JINX.
Jinx would always watch you with eyes filled with obsession, as if you were her precious toy, meant only for her. Her love is no simple feeling: it’s a wild, unpredictable whirlwind, packed with emotional explosions and flashes of madness. She cannot stand anyone else getting your attention, and her “jokes” toward those who dare to come close often end in a macabre, lethal spectacle of destruction.
Within her chaos lies a desperate search for stability, and you are her anchor, but always on her terms. Trying to pull away or challenge her twisted world only triggers a collapse in her mind and a violent need to reaffirm her control over you.
Her love manifests in disturbingly creative forms: bombs adorned with hearts, explosive devices bearing your name, or "trophies" taken from those she deems rivals. Each one is a sickening declaration of how deep and dangerous her affection runs.
Her greatest fear is abandonment, trapped in the loneliness that haunts her. If she senses even the slightest hint that you might leave, she’ll do the unthinkable to make sure you stay by her side. It doesn’t matter if she has to chain you—literally or figuratively; in her mind, the end always justifies the means.
Jinx won’t hesitate to destroy—even herself—to keep you close. Her desperation drives her to dark extremes, hurting others or putting her own body at risk. “Do you see this? I did it for you. Now you can’t deny how much I care. You’re not going anywhere, are you?”
#arcane#arcane x reader#arcane caitlyn#arcane vi#arcane sevika#arcane jinx#caitlyn x reader#vi x reader#sevika x reader#jinx x reader
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watching the tales of symphonia anime after my latest replay cuz I just ain't over it
so far I really enjoy it, it's quite rushed going from a 50+ hour game w/mutliple b-plots to a sanded down main story in just 11 eps (30 min ones so more like 16-ish eps for an average-length anime). There have been a few kinda drastic changes that have made me raise an eyebrow but not enough to have me make a double-take and raise 2 (or 3) (I keep a spare 4th one as well)
As animated fanservice tho I'm REALLY eatin' it up (like the 🤓kind, not the 😳type)
#what I'm really curious about is how they handle some of the new characterization of lloyd and his motivations later on#being that a major event was entirely out first episode which is a pretty crucial set-up for the character#( also for genis's arc) even from the first scene the anime kinda tells you “we are going to switch it up” by L' giving C the pendant early#tho I'M EATING UP all of the new colette/lloyd scenes in the anime#seriously they are so sweet ;;; my precious babies#none of the characters so far feel “wrong” to me#which can sometimes happen with game to “other media” adaptation#they have some new characterization but it still works as an interpretation of the character#maybe they just reordered events and they'll have their development later on instead??#there are a lot of scenes you could insert that angst/Development in tbh#also slight spoiler but I FEEL SO BAD FOR GETTING THE KRATOS ENDING#I NEVER GOT IT BEFORE THROUGH ALL MY REPLAYS BUT I PROMISED MYSELF TO DO IT THIS TIME AND#I'm NOT happy---it felt so unfair knowing that the thing that happens in the Kratos ending doesn't happen in ANYONE ELSE'S#like they could have just LEFT THE PARTY and given us Kratos but nope#and none of the characters got time to be sad#I had such whiplash after that--- I was hit the hardest none of the characters mentioned anything TIL' A SKIT QUITE AWHILE AFTER#tales of symphonia#bombonwastherereadytocry
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Showtime — Keegan P. Russ x Reader
Kinktober day 4: Uniform kink
They don't hate each other I promise
CW: hate sex, hardcore, scratching, dirty talk, manhandling, creampie, just. Pure filth
"Fucking stay still." Keegan mutters between clenched teeth, trying to get you to stop fucking yourself on his dick. It was ruining the rhythm he set on his thrusts, and while any other time he would have enjoyed it, it ruined his orgasm three times already.
"Fuck you." You retort back, making him take a deep breath and wonder for a second if he should just pull out and jerk off instead of dealing with you. He shakes his head, grabbing your hips again and slamming himself all the way back inside in one thrust, basking in your loud moan before he pulled out again. Big, gloved hands pull you by the ankles as he swiftly puts you on your back, his hands folding your legs up with ease as he slams himself back in, quickly setting a punishing rhythm.
"Wanna act like a bitch? I'll fucking treat you like one." His voice is deeper and more raw, eyes shut as he holds your legs even closer to your body, the way your tight cunt is swallowing him up like nothing is making him go nuts. One of his gloved hands goes to hold the top of your head, angling it up so you can see his stupidly large dick fuck into you.
"Takin' me like nothing... how many dicks have been in this sweet cunt, hm? How many from the Ghosts?" He's simply trying to get in your head and he knows it's working by the way your half-lidded eyes open simply to glare up at him, a small frown forming on your lips as you refuse to answer.
"None of... your fucking business." Damn him and his massive cock, stretching your wet cunt out with ease as he pounds you into the mattress, using your own body to drive himself impossibly deeper inside you. The tip of his dick keeps slamming into the entrance of your abused womb, making a mix of pain and pleasure to shoot up in your body with every single deep thrust.
"The whole squad, huh?" He asked with a small, deep laugh, and you know him well enough to be able to tell he has a shit-eating grin under his skull balaclava. He lowers his body into you, arms wrapping around your waist as he hammers his thick shaft inside you, the lewd sounds of your squelching cunt and your combined moans are bouncing off the walls of the safehouse. You're mentally glad none of the other Ghosts are here yet, listening to your slutty, needy moans as Keegan uses your tiny cunt to jerk himself off.
"Maybe." You confess jokingly, though you're trying to make it seem like it's true. You've seen the way Keegan becomes possessive over you before, and you can see it now, as his light blue eyes narrow before he slams into you deeper and harder than before, his breath hot and labored right in your ear.
"Fucking slut." He says with a breathy chuckle, the way your squelching cunt is leaking all over the crotch of his uniform while you swallow him up is giving him the chance to ignore the way his heart strings get pulled at the thought of you with anyone else. His gloved hands hold the back of your knees, pulling them to your chest until you whine out. He thrashes inside you a few times before his arms wrap under the back of your knees, pulling you up with him.
"Hold on tight." Your arms immediately wrap around his neck when he lifts you up, wincing softly at the way his tactical vest is rubbing against your sensitive nipples. He moves your body up and down his dick slowly, hissing once your patience runs out and your nails scratch the only place uncovered by his uniform— the back of his neck.
"Bitch." He barks out, arms now wrapped around your waist as he begins to slam back into you, masked face hidden on the nape of your neck as he moans lowly, trying his best to fuck you as hard as he can despite his vest getting in the way. One of your hands holds onto his vest for support from his animalistic thrusts and he throws his head back, feeling the way your cunt clenches around him is already driving him over the edge.
"I'm not pulling out." He warns, as if he didn't have you begging for him to cum inside you every single time you've fucked. You simply nod your head, eyes closed as you feel the knot on your stomach coming undone, your orgasm hitting you like a tidal wave at the same time Keegan is milked, letting out a deep groan right into your ear while your greedy womb gladly takes his cum, filling you to the brim with his seed just as he had done so many times in the past. He holds you close to him and you don't register his balaclava is pulled over half of his face until you feel his lips gently kissing your neck.
"Attagirl."
#cod keegan#keegan p russ#keegan x reader#keegan russ#call of duty ghosts#cod ghost#cod x reader#cod ghosts x reader#keegan x you#keegan russ x reader#keegan russ smut#smut#kinktober
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