#none of my thoughts are coherent im sorry

[ruidusmoon]

i absolutely lack the brainpower to put my admiration for this mini arc into words but holy shit this was beautiful.

i love how complex the gods are, the relationships between them are so deeply loving and so broken. their family is prioritized over many things, mortals, promises and other families. even though they hurt each other that family tie is more important than almost everything else. they didn't want to hurt their children but they did it anyway for each other. at the end of the day they will cast aside their children in favor of their kin. the line is between those who matter and those who do not.

[reikunrei]

sorry i'm going to ramble about the lights again

i need to make a new, more thorough post about the light fuckiness in st, and specifically st1, but i just. keep thinking about how weird it is that we're told all of it is bc of will, that all of the light fuckery (outside of interference from the gates/demogorgon/etc.) is because will was talking through the lights

but then. some of the scenes where we're told it was will are almost exactly the same as scenes where it couldn't and shouldn't have been will

specifically thinking of holly following the trail of lights to will's room, where each bulb blinks on one at a time in a trail before all going out, then blinking on one at a time again in the same pattern until she follows. and then she comes (nearly) face to face with the demogorgon

and then later we get the scene where joyce gets her own trail of one-at-a-time lights that she follows to the little cubby with the yes/no white bundle. they blink on one at a time in the exact same way that holly's did, and the pattern repeats several times until she actually gets into the cubby

and now i do firmly believe that she spoke to will with those white lights. she's convinced she did, and they behave the same way we see the lights behave at the end of st1 when jim and joyce pass under the lights in the ud + they behave the same way we're shown they do in st4 w the older teens when they touch the ud particles

however, i don't think that the trail of lights was will's doing. because if it was his doing, then why did the same thing happen with holly? will wouldn't have tried to kill his best friend's little sister. it would be absurd if he was trying to lay some "trap" to get holly snatched by the demogorgon, and it would even be weird if he was just trying to get their attention when he knew the demogorgon was around and might attack them. so why do the lights behave the same way?

i wouldn't be surprised if someone else was trying to key joyce in to where will was hiding so that they could talk to one another

now, sure, it could be because will has powers and he was the one doing it, it was just with his powers and not with physical touch, and therefore the lights might behave differently

but like... idk man. if he, at this point, had figured out he had powers, why would he have still gone the physical touch route? why wouldn't he have, say, started blinking a light in morse code like he uses in st2? joyce would have figured it out and found a way to translate. she's smart!

it also makes me think that will likely would not have figured out his powers that quickly, or we would have seen them "messing up" a bit more first. i'd have to watch through again and see if any of the prior light shenanigans could be interpreted as "will figuring this shit out" but... i doubt there's much of that

hell, i've pointed out before how when holly goes into will's room, the ring of lamps joyce has set up starts blinking in a circle, much like how we see in st4 when the lab kids are doing that "ring of lights" exercise. and what do we also see in that scene? el struggling to make the light turn on and move. even 002 works up a sweat doing it, and he's the top dog at the time

will was chucked into the ud, running around fighting for his life the whole time, and he somehow... also had time to figure out his powers well enough to make very clean, clear, repetitive trails of lights with seemingly extreme ease? and then he also is able to very swiftly write out words with joyce's alphabet without any faltering at all? it just doesn't seem feasible to me. he's a smart kid, very smart! and very adaptable! but... it just feels weird, especially if by tfs logic (even tho the powers are probably not specifically related to the ud), he would have had the powers activated for, what, a day or two? maybe less depending on time weirdness? i don't buy it

just based on how the lights behave throughout the show, and even within the single first season, it doesn't make sense for all of the "talking" through the lights to belong to will. the blinking lights are too clean, and the scenes they're used in are so contradictory to one another in their intent that it can't all be little will in there pulling all the strings. it has to be someone (or several someones) who have more experience and are a bit more aware than will likely was

and just bc god i'm having Thots about this. i do firmly believe that it has something to do with the weird brennergorgon/combined brenner-edward-demogorgon thing that @aemiron-main has spoken a lot about, and that, by using edward's powers, the lights could have been used for malicious intent (holly's scene), while also seeing it used positively (the trail to will in the cubby, joyce's alphabet) possibly through henry (or vice versa)

if there's one of them being forced to use it for ill (ie. edward through brenner and/or the shadow/mf and/or vecna) and one is using it for good (ie. henry), but they're both just alternate versions of the same guy... it wouldn't be surprising that we'd get the same light behavior with entirely different intentions

i'm also thinking about the "run" stuff again. specifically, i made a post yesterday that was just me spitballing and thinking about how henry tells alice to "run" when she says he's not henry, and @henrysglock clarified the scene further in this post

and it didn't click in my head until reading it again just now that we get almost the same exact lines in tfs that happen with the alphabet. joyce is told will is "right here," henry tells alice "he's right here." when joyce asks what she should do, she's told "run," when alice further posits that this isn't henry, she's told to "run"

and thinking about what james said, how it could be interpreted as a warning and a threat all wrapped up into one... i'd say that the st1 "run" could be considered much the same. a warning and a threat, because the demogorgon shows up right after joyce is told to run. warning her to be safe, but also sort of mocking, as the demogorgon is already right on top of her

and just. the fact that that scene has the same lines, and the lines come from "henry"/henry possessed by the shadow... who's to say that he isn't also the one saying the exact same lines through the lights? james even also says in that rb of my post that henry seems to really respect joyce, and that joyce wasn't ever mean to him in tfs, so it wouldn't surprise me if henry tried to help her get her son back, and decided to act as someone he wished he had when he was a kid

and because i'm also still Insane about the 2023 st day posts about "firsts" and the first message from the ud was shown to be the "run" (which i have a post sitting in my drafts about but ggrghgr who knows if i'll ever post it) it makes me think that it could be very likely that the "right here" and the "run" in the alphabet are from two different people. after all, the "right here" came first, so even ignoring all the other times the lights "talked" prior to that, if we're just counting the alphabet as being "messages from the ud," then why isn't "right here" the first?

anyway. i don't know what i'm thinking. i just think that there's so many other people involved with the talking lights in st1, and will is so few of them. and i think that there was not only someone more sentient than a plain demogorgon hunting will, but i think there was someone else there trying to help him. whether it be through space or time or however they managed to contact each other, i think that someone (henward) was trying to help reunite will with joyce and save him, much like henward wished someone had been able to save him

[yanweiism]

also the SHEER YEARNING from the jump is wild. wwx sitting there on his lonesome playing him and lwj's song in the dark ...the way he says his name when lwj appears at the Mo's ... this show is for the yearners ‼️

[jarsfullofstarrs]

Music ask: #20 :)

thank you for the ask!! :DD

☆-- 20: A song that has many meanings to you

ooooh okay. I don't know if this counts but for certain lyrics for Golden Slumbers, I have meanings for each of them. The overall meaning I have for Golden Slumbers is that the song sounds like Paul trying to comfort himself with the end of the Beatles. Like the lyrics 'once there was a way/to get back homeward/once there was a way/to get back home' feel like he's reminiscing or feeling nostalgic if that makes sense. 'Home/homeward' being the earlier days of the Beatles. And he tried to 'get back home' (the get back project) but it didn't really work. So he tries to comfort himself with music 'sleep pretty darling do not cry/and i will sing a lullaby'. And the lyric 'golden slumbers fill your eyes' reminds me a lot of the fact that Paul has been able to just come up with songs in his sleep (Yesterday and Let It Be) and how 'golden slumbers' could mean the melodies that just come to Paul's dreams. And then, this is is a little bit of a stretch but 'smiles awake you when you rise' feel like praise and adoration from the people working around Paul (his band mates, producers, engineers, etc) and also, fans, for coming up with those songs when he wakes up.

Music Asks

[vse-kar-vem]

not tagging this but i think. kris's OH MY GOD THEY REPLACED THE BALKAN TRUMPETS WITH JAN GUITAR SOLO AHHHHHH sorry i was listening to the full verison on youtube ANYWAYS i think kris's lines in the chorus are something like "break your regret for the final step, and say"??? but im very unsure so. if this turns out so very wrong im sorry and please know that i'm very embarrassed

[butchdykekondraki]

dolly parton could be a drag queen if she wanted to i think

[cmdonovann]

oc time (it is atlas and laika)

[dossei-dossei]

how deal with taidan

[avatarofthelonely]

ive had many Thoughts about tmagp but i feel reluctant to share any of them since i feel silly trying to speculate about a show that barely even has any episodes and tbh i think im justified in this bc last week i was gonna post like "i wonder if the fears only started manifesting in the protocol universe around/after 2018 since all the incidents so far happened in 2022 👀" and then this week we immediately got an incident from 2009 -_-

[jiejies-corner-store]

THE AVENTURINE FIC 😭😭 OH GOSH IM CRYING 😭😭

i’m so sorry, anon! here this should make it up 😭😭 the devil knows you're dead

pairing. aventurine x reader

tags/tw: fem!reader, references to a complicated childbirth, mother!reader, father!aventurine, spoilers to aventurine's real name, spoilers in reference to 2.1 trailblaze questline, aventurine’s nihilism and depression, references to death, hurt/comfort, ooc aventurine probably, i make shit up at the end because i want a happy ending—bite me.

sfw

a/n: ouchie. i finished 2.1 and it hurt. it hurt a lot. the ost for the “all the sad tales” is genuinely so beautiful. the trumpet just feels so melancholy yet hopeful it just goes so perfectly with aventurine’s story. but i need something that feels good now. ABSOLUTELY NOT PROOF-READ pt. 1

“As long as you are alive, the blood of the Avgin will never run dry.”

It was cold. Cold and warm. Almost feverish feeling. The type of feeling you’d get when you were freezing but your skin was hot to the touch. There was this frustrating beeping noise somewhere off in the distance that you just couldn’t tune out, finally you opened your eyes to see a sea of darkness, and seemingly at an unreachable horizon, a large circle of white light that looked like a gate.

“You’re not dead, if that’s what you’re wondering,” a voice came from beside you. How you didn’t realize there was a whole person standing next to you, you had no clue.

“Well, that’s not originally what I was going for, but now I’m a bit worried I might be,” you laughed, nervous, but curious all the same. This… person you couldn’t quite make out an exact face, or even a body for that matter, but ther was this distinct feeling that it was in fact a person. Like your instinct knew, but your brain couldn’t quite fill in the details.

“This is a place beyond mortal comprehension, if I tried to explain it to you, you would only be more confused. Walk with me,” the entity said, and without even willing your body to do so, you followed. Ripples emanated from each step as you followed and soon the inky void around you melted into an unfamiliar planet.

The sky was a deep purple, streaked with red that looked like lighting that crackled along the sky. Instead of the fluid, black ground, sand now shifted as you moved foward. Inside a small hut made of rock, you saw a woman cradling a swaddled child.

“Such a lucky child, such a blessed child… Just like your name. A gift from THEM to Avgin… my boy…”

You turned to the figure beside you and hesitantly asked, “Where are we?”

“A land of rock, but not water, lightning, but not rain, blood, but not tears,” the entity responded cryptically, which only caused a crease in your brow. You went closer to the mother in the hut and sat next to her. She whispered a blessing onto her child, but none of the words made sense to your ears. Similar to the entity, it’s like your brain scrambled them from your understanding.

The mother cried. You tried to wrap your arms around her to comfort her but only phased through her like a ghost. The baby too began to cry.

Then, the scene changed again, suddenly it was a cell with iron bars. A blond young man sat next to you. The blond’s gaze was downturned, but you could recognize that voice anywhere.

“—Thirty tanba… that’s all my life is worth.”

“That’s not…” you said, but realized it was all in vain. You tried again to take Kakavasha’s hands into your own. You wantd to take the cuffs off his wrists and cradle where the skin was rubbed raw.

“It's all or nothing…”

“Kakav—agh!”

Your future never existed You█ future never existed You█ future ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er existed You█ fut███ ne█er ████ted You█ fut███ █e█er ████ted Yo██ ██████ █e█er ████ted

Your mind felt clouded, a searing headache, followed by an inability to even pin down a coherent thought. The scene shifted once more.

“What’s going on!” you shouted at the figure that stood only silently next to you, crippled on the ground, clutching at your head, fingers pressing in to try to find the spot that would alleviate this awful pressure.

When your senses were no longer blinded by pain, you were back to that inky void you started in, but this time you weren’t alone. Not far away, maybe twenty feet or so, was your Kakavasha, and a woman you didn’t recognize.

“Why are we born into this world if it's just to die?”

You stumbled to your feet to try to run to him, but with each step closer he only got further away. He walked towards that gate of light. In your head, you heart was pounding faster and faster. You failed to catch up to him. He only got further and further away until he disappeared like fireflies dispersing into the night, “Kakavasha! No—!”

Utterly devastated, you sunk back onto your knees. You didn’t know why but you had this distinct feeling of loss. Tears rolled from your eyes freely. He… he wasn’t gone surely? The entity’s presence reappeared next to you.

“Why did you show me all of this,” you asked, not sure if you actually wanted an answer.

“Because you need to go back,” the entity answered and your jaw locked, gritting your teeth so hard they hurt.

You screamed into the void, “You’re the one who brought me here!”

“I never call anyone to me… you mortals believe that it is US that determine when your time to go is… but in truth it is your own doing, whether it is your body or your mind that gives up first,” the entity said, “It is only the strength of your will that will allow you to continue down your destined path… but many give up on that path and someone else must be chosen.”

“What does this have to do with me,” you snapped. “Why are you meddling in my life? What does Kakavasha have to do with this?”

“Kakavasha still has a long road ahead of him. I have supplemented his journey all his life. It was only recently he was able to live on his own will,” said the entity ”Your body is giving up. I do not have the power anymore to keep him alive. That lies with you.”

Your surroundings melted again. You were in a hospital room and on the bed was you. Eyes closed and steadily breathing, but your heartbeat was weak. The annoying beeping from before was louder and more prominent.

“You wanted to help him. During his past, you reached out each time. There is nothing you can do about that now, but the future and the present… you still have a choice.”

Laying a hand on your unmoving body, there was a slight resistance, but with just a bit more pressure you felt as if you could phase through it entirely.

“What do I need to do,” you asked the entity.

“Live.”

You furrowed your brow at that. Of course you wanted to live… right? The entity gestured for your hand, you obliged. Against your palm was an oddly soft feeling. Warm. Like a mother’s touch against your’s. Your palms pressed together, the entity spoke,

��May the goddess Gaiathra close HER eyes three times… Keep your blood eternally pulsing… Let your journey be forever peaceful… …and your schemes forever concealed."

You lifted your head and your “body” began to disappear similar to how Kakavasha disappeared. Just before you disappeared into sparks of golden light, you had the sense about you to ask:

“Who are you?” you felt like you were shouting, but your voice was quiet.

“You could call me Fenge Biyos.”

You opened your eyes with a deep gasp for air. Your surroundings were blurry, and you rubbed at your eyes, only to realize Kakavasha was up, standing next to your hospital bed with an anxious expression, hands already grasping the one that was wiping crust from your eyes.

“You’re awake,” he choked out, holding you as if you would break, “I’m so sorry… I’m so sorry for everything. I’m sorry I did this to you that I—”

“Kakavasha, slow down, what… why are you—no, don’t be sorry,” you finally found your words, sitting foward on the bed to wrap your arms around him. You racked your brain, trying to figure out what was going on. Your mind was still foggy, but finally that haze disappated and you remembered everything leading up to now.

“Kakavasha~” you hummed in a song-like tone, a small wrapped box with a blue and purple bow tied around it. You skipped over to his desk and wrapped your arms around his shoulders where he sat, and placed the gift in front of him, laying your head on his shoulder as your arms tightly hugged him. “I have a surprise.”

He smiled with a small laugh, “Doesn’t this usually work the other way around?” He pecked a kiss onto your check before pulling the bow off and opening the lid of the box, when he froze.

The smile on your face faltered bit when he didn’t say anything after a bit. The corners of it tightened into a more forced position, “Kakavasha? You’re gonna be a papa…”

The joy in his face from earlier had completely vanished. Only replaced by a stony, cold, poker face. He pushed his chair back and you stumbled into the wall behind. He gave you a tight smile and kissed your forehead before heading for the door and grabbing his hat. “I’ll be back later.”

With that, the door slammed shut behind him, leaving you at a loss as you fell into his chair, feeling suddenly so very empty in this large office alone.

He came back after that, apologetic for leaving you, but nothing felt truly right. He continued to reassure you that he did want to have this child, but it was a strenous time. The entire pregnancy was stressful. The doctors warned you that the level of stress you were under put you at risk for a premature birth, but you brushed them off. It was just the hormones, you were sure. Kakavasha still loved you. The ring on your finger should’ve been proof enough of that.

“How about the name Ilyas?” you suggested, laying your head on Kakavasha’s lap, “I was… looking at some databases about Avgin names and I thought that one was nice. What do you think?”

Aventurine hummed, but his mind seemed elsewhere. You let it go.

The next few months continued on in similar fashion.

But it all came to a head.

The two of you were standing in the kitchen. It had started off small. The hormones and the stress were getting to you. It was an off hand comment about him not fixing dinner, and you were tired and hungry from carrying around his child.

From there it had escalated. It turned into you were tired of feeling like you were walking on eggshells when you talked about the pregnancy. About how he was barely around for the appointments, and when he was he seemd emotionally distant… finally he exploded

“I never asked for this!” he shouted. “When did I ever say I wanted to be a father? Did you even ask me? Did you think about what I felt about this whole thing at all?”

You paused, feeling tears well up in your throat as a white-hot fear flashed through your body. You laughed, a hollow sound, “I’m sorry, Aventurine, I thought it took two people to make a baby? And you certainly made no attempt to use protection.”

He didn’t have anything to say about that. Even though the argument seemed over, you felt a nauseous feeling crawling up in your throat. Your tears felt like acid burning through your skin. Then a pain in your stomach. Your knees gave out and the last thing you remember was the scared expression on Kakavasha’s face before it all went dark.

“I was scared…. I was so scared that bringing another Avgin into this world would only bring misfortune onto you… that Gaiathra Triclops would take you from our child, just like my mother was taken from me,” he openly cried into your shoulder. “I took it out on you. I made something that should’ve been a beautiful experience something that was awful, and I understand… if you never forgive me for that but please…. please don’t leave.”

Now you were crying with him, one hand tangled in his blond locks and the other rubbing his back. Quietly, so quietly that you almost didn’t hear it, he whispered, “I can’t lose you too.”

You thought for a long time. In front of you wasn’t one of the Ten Stonehearts of the IPC. Not a calculating or cunning man, who’s only interest was in things that benefited the IPC’s bank accounts. In front of you was a broken man, who’d had everything stripped away from him when he was only a child. Who was shattered and forced to put his life back together with nothing but fear and anxiety as glue.

Did it excuse what he'd broken?

No.

“I’m here… I won’t leave Kakavasha,”

But maybe with time and effort, you could help re-glue each other with something a little more beautiful.

“Ilyas! Don’t run so far!” you called after a small blond haired child who was already ahead of you by a longshot, you turned exasperatedly to your husband, “Honey, can you go after him please? I don’t want him to get trampled by some idiot who’s not paying attention…”

The man only smiled at you, one hand firmly wrapped around your ever expanding waist, “It’s okay. There’s some of my squad that’s following him incognito. He won’t get out of our sights without them dragging him back. We can let him get his energy out. He’ll be cooped up in a hospital soon.”

You huffed conceded. Already tired from just getting through the theme park’s entrance. You were due in about two weeks, but Kakavasha was insistent that a week before you’d be under hospital supervision until you brought your second child into the world. It had taken about five years before the two of you had healed enough and there were roadbumps along the way… but you were both ready to give Ilyas a little sister.

But for now, the two of you wanted to let Ilyas have one more day as an only child. The reconstructed Penacony was nothing like the Dreamscape of the past. Fear and secrets no longer were trapped in the gilded cage of the former prison planet. With the help of the IPC and the Harmony, New Penacony was entirely real. No more dreams, just reality. They’d kept many of their old franchises and built a true theme park.

“Mama!! Picture! Let’s get a picture here before we go in!” Ilyas screeched, pointing at Clockie statue in front of the Clock Studios main attraction. You set a hand on Kakavasha’s arm, glancing up at him to try to get a read on what he was feeling. He’d let you in on the parts of his past that he’d kept a secret. The scheme behind Penacony, his proposed “death” and his encounter with his Past and Future.

He took a breathe and looked back down at you, giving you a smile that said “I’m okay” and relief flooded your bones. After walking you over in front of the camera, he crouched down and scooped Ilyas into his arms.

“Ready?” the cameraman asked and you nodded. After a brief countdown the camera flashed, and for a moment in that bright light, you saw the hopeful future that lied ahead.

[microwaveango]

ohhgmy god. owch. sibling relationships and tragedy and ouch my HEART

against all better judgement, im gonna watch jujutsu kaisen

[frankiebirds]

goddddd motel scene time. i have a lot of thoughts on it and hopefully i'll be able to put them into some kind of order.

ELLE: After he shot me, he reached into my wound so he could write on the wall in my blood. I was barely conscious, but I...I could feel his hand in there. And sometimes it's like I can still feel it. REID: Elle, he's dead. You're...You're right here. You won.

obviously this is an unhelpful thing to say. i dont think that makes reid evil, or a bad friend, i think it makes him a twenty-four-year-old who's struggling to understand a situation he's never been in.

i dont think elle resents him for it. im sure there's frustration, deservedly so, but i dont think it's targeted at reid, more at the general sense of Nobody Is Getting Me. especially this expression here:

in the moment, this doesnt read to me as anger. it's certainly not a happy smile; she's not comforted by what reid says because it's not a comforting thing to say, and i think it sort of develops into anger later, but in the moment, she doesn't resent him for not being able to say the right thing. again, there's frustration, because he doesn't get it. he can't (not yet, anyway). a part of her wishes he did, a part of her wishes somebody did, and yet a different part of her hopes none of them ever do, because it's an awful, awful thing to understand.

i headcanon that reid and elle stay in contact after elle leaves, but i dont think its immediate. i flipflop between two reasons

reid doesnt reach out because he feels guilty, like if he had just said the right words in the right order in that motel room, she would have stayed. i think this is generally how reid responds to abandonment (and sometimes just conflict in general). if i had just said the right thing, done that differently, been better, i could have fixed it. boy is...a little emotionally stunted. if he was a stage of grief he would be bargaining. do you get me.

reid does reach out, but elle doesn't respond. maybe she's still angry about him not being able to Get It, maybe she wants to distance herself from the bau in general, maybe him not Getting It hurts in particular because they were quite close, etc.

either way, they get back in contact post s02e15, when reid texts her a barely coherent rambling apology for that night, how it was an unsympathetic and unhelpful thing to say, and he does get it now, and he's sorry, there is no winning—

she calls him.

[bugsinshoes]

ok so i just watched @fordtato and @hkthatgffan 's respective videos about their interview with THE alex hirsch and i wanna just say OH MY GOD like SERIOUSLY

im gonna put my thoughts under the cut so theres no spoilers if you havent seen it already (BUT GO WATCH THEM NOW PLEASE !!!) + its gonna be LONG so BEAR WITH ME

ok, so i have MANY thoughts so sorry if none of this is coherent 😭 (this is not in chronological order of when the questions were asked, just me spewing out my totally normal thoughts about this interview so apologies for that)

starting off:

THE BABY IS SHERMIE?!?!?!? IM SO SO GLAD WE FINALLY HAVE CONFIRMATION WE CAN FINALLY LEAVE THIS TO REST !! I WAS RIGHT THOUGH SO HA !!! ACTUALLY SCREAMING !! TIMELINE BE DAMNED (also another thanks to hana, your timeline video is genuinely awesome. i never shut up about it. ever. any time i talk to my friends abt gf and i need to refer to the timeline i go: "IN HANA'S VIDEO-") anyways, i do understand it was a last minute decision on the writer's part of "oh. dipper and mabel need a grandfather, its not ford, and its sure as FUCK not gonna be stan sooo... third brother?" and i do understand alex being like, "oh, this is about ford and stan only having eachother" so i think making shermie younger was a GOOD THING? like, stan and ford had 18 years of just them so shermie wasnt in the picture, so stan and ford technically grew up on their own so ig it works? also, when stan got kicked out, he never got to see shermie grow up, probably only saw him at events when he had to pretend to be ford (post-1983) and as for ford himself, he was too busy in college and gravity falls to really visit the family so... it works! (despite everything)

that aside, lets talk about THE CRUMBS??? like i have some quotes here because i have a LOT to say:

"theyre both so damaged and they desperately need each other" - alex hirsch (talking about stan and ford)

LIKE SUIUHUSHUSH i HATE these brothers SO MUCH (LIES) i cant actually properly express my thoughts because WOW like its clear that they both have their own trauma and they NEED to address it but theyre both too STUBBORN to do so. theyve both been alone for 40ish years so of course they need each other. they grew up by the hip, so theres no surprise that they both need each other (whether they like it or not)

"[ford's] grateful for the forgiveness he thinks he doesnt deserve" -alex hirsch

ford thinks so lowly of himself at times it HURTS. like the lines in the journal about "only then would the freak return a hero" or about his guilt with bill and everything its just so important to his character im so glad we got so much ford content in this interview. like i am EATING ALL THIS UP RN

"[ford] has to always have a mission in front of him, because if he doesnt have a mission in front of him, hes thinking how have i treated people in my life?" - alex hirsch

ford distracting himself with things instead of facing his problems. probably something he had to do a lot, especially with his time in the multiverse. but it really hurts because i can imagine in the 60s, they never had any great coping mechanisms? so i can assume ford was just conditioned to distract himself from stuff so he never learned how to deal with things. and i KNOW in the journal hes like "i meditate!" and im sure that does help somewhat, but it doesnt address the issue itself soooo... sorry ford, but you cant just breathe your way out of everything

ALSO alex calling ford and fiddlefords falling out a "BREAKUP" (air quotes used) BUT A BREAKUP??? this is just adding fuel to my fiddauthor-infested brain rn. i CANT

and alex saying mcgucket is thinking like, "oh i gotta be a better partner" is HEART SHATTERING like the whole talk about fiddleford being "the building guy" who is kind of just there to make machines and please ford. its honestly so heartbreaking because fiddleford loves ford so much he'd leave his wife and child to go to absolute nowhere, oregon and the fact ford is too arrogant to see fiddlefords admiration and overall love for him its just IUIUAHHAS

and i do wanna say, i KNOW bill played a big part in this, by stroking fords ego and buttering him up with his kind words because he knew exactly what ford wanted to hear and that really affected how ford and fidds' relationship was like but THATS A TOPIC FOR ANOTHER TIME. all i know is that ford isnt entirely to blame, but he still is a massive arrogant asshole and he wasnt the best person to fidds at times (love him tho <3)

but im actually so happy because this interview sheds SO much light onto FORD bcs we BARELY got to know him, and hearing it from MR HIRSCH HIMSELF is just so good because we KNOW its a reliable source because its coming from ALEX YK??? like he wrote ford so he probably knows "oh yeah, that man is guilt-ridden as FUCK" and im so glad we get some crumbs of this guy i cant get enough of him !!! (impatiently waiting for the book of bill)

ANNNDD THE TALK ABOUT MAYBE GETTING A SEA GRUNKS SPINOFF/MINISERIES??? I WOULD EXPLODE GENUINELY ANYTHING WITH MY FAVOURITE OLD MEN PLEASE !! i would genuinely love to see more of their dynamic and how everything is after weirdmaggeddon and like dealing with trauma and UGHHH i would kill for stan/ford content PLEASE

also...

hippie ford.

hippie. ford.

i am never getting over this (im internally SCREECHING)

ANYWAYS THAT WAS MY RANT ABT MY FAV THINGS FROM THE INTERVIEW THAT WAS A LOT GODDAMN

im genuinely so happy with all the questions that got answered, as well as getting some deeper insight into characters and stuff. IM NEVER GETTING OVER THE AMOUNT OF FIDDAUTHOR CRUMBS YOU GUYS

im gonna end this by saying another MASSIVE thank you to hana and hk !! you both put so much effort into your respective videos and it was super super cool !! this was totally worth the wait !!! :D

[genderqueeradrien]

so glad most of the people pushing platonic cbeeduo left the fandom by now bc i used to have to explain that "queerplatonic" doesnt mean "queer people in a nonsexual nonromantic platonic relationship completely indistinguishable externally and within the relationship from any other friendship" and figure out how to emphasize the "you can fuck crazy style in a qpr none of you know what qprs are" (bc the reason ppl went soooo hard on the qpr thing despite not knowing what they were is they thought it was inherently nonsexual + were worried about creator boundaries- which like, i do get that, but you can have a romantic relationship without a sexual relationship (which is actually exactly what happened in canon) and people could not wrap their heads around that) And now i see posts about cbeeduo making out sloppy style like 3 times a week and it wouldve been so much easier in this fandom cultural landscape to be like "None of you know what a qpr is also friends can have sex with each other" without anybody going "So youre saying these characters have sex with each other. You Are Evil. block & spread awareness" Does this post make sense i can make it shorter and more coherent once i take my concerta. is there even a single sentence that ends here. jesus christ im sorry

[chasedeys]

Do you have anymore Joemarr fics in the works? (I’m still depressed about the Ravens game lmao) ❤️

hiiiiii i doooo 😭 but like. none of them are near completion like. at all HAHAHAAAAA sorry but!! because i have no concept of self restraint or filter and am overjoyed you asked me about them, i shall give bullet points and previews of like any that are somewhat coherent so:

some whimsy ass fic of pranking (failed bc they're losers) and getting together joemarr!! it has team-as-family, some besotted ass paragraphs, teemarr shenanigans that's truly essential for my life, and a smidge of 23 rookies bc i want to start writing them so bad guys please 😭 ive written like 1.3k of this. it probably won't hit 3k tbh but pray i finish this idk its a passion project bc i need some whimsical ass shit

established relationship play fighting and comfort and joy and peace and love – this is obviously a mess i thought i kind of already wrote a coherent 500 word of this scene but??? no?????? have at it anyway

some smut beware -> OKAY HEAR ME OUT this is slightly nonconsensual voyeurism but like. accidental. at first. so do NOTTT finish reading this point if you're not into this but anyway: its like common sense that the minute you clock you're hearing someone jacking off you skedaddle the fuck away! but i want to write. like. ja'marr staying at joes bc his house is flooded idk who cares and its midnight and he's. he's jacking off lmaoooo and joes right outside his door bc he can't sleep knowing jamarr is inches away from him at 2 in the morning but just as he's raising his hand to knock and open the door and ask if jamarr wants to do smtg he hears it. and doesn't leave. and does things i can't say. well sort of considering im literally in the process of writing it lmaoooo but heres a messy blurb of words on it!

and im also trying to finish this blurb! fingers crossed etc. seems like such a shame not to tbh

the rest are just. ideas. and hopes and dreams. wishes upon a star. wind whistling by my ear.

ALSOOOO if i was remotely a person who could write angst. i would love to write:

angsty doused with internal homophobia joemarr fwb fic inspired by chappell roan's love me anyway. 'can we take one more polaroid for you to hide?' and its an album of them from lsu to bengals to after.

angsty joemarr break up and make up fic inspired by beach bunny's cloud 9 'even when we fade eventually to nothing, you will always be my favorite form of loving' but i can't say the plot bc it involves something i will never put into words.

angsty angry stosh fic inspired by fall out boy's miss missing you where they're so fucking angry with each other and a will they won't they 10 years down the line where they're forced to work tgt for smtg idk. like 'baby you were my picket fence, i miss missing you now and then' 'the person that you’d take a bullet for is behind the trigger' 'so give me your filth, make it rough. let me, let me, trash your love' 'i heard you’ve got it, got it so bad, cause im the best you’ll never have' like is that not their fucking songgggg oh my god

[red-velvet-0w0]

🫂🫂

im sorry none of my thoughts are even coherent at this point you sorta just caught me with a post catering exactly to what im going through at the moment in the middle of me having a full on emotional breakdown at the moment. ill be back to normal soon. i fucking hope. im sorry that im being such a pain right now

🫂🫂