#none of my muses will react to being called daddy how you all want them to. sorry lmao

[maykrisms]

I'm here to tell you that Spidey would 10000% say 'Daddy chill' to "God" and be absolutely serious about it.

Cut to Variyel pausing, before going down the "My child, do you need a fatherly hug?" path.

[riridontneedya]

IMPERIUM✨

Pairing: Draco Malfoy x Any house Reader, Harry Potter x

Wordcount: 4,210

Warnings: SMUT, ANGST dom ,sub, daddy ,oral, teasing ,praise, spitting , chocking etc run of the mill smut.

A/N : Well the time has come I've finally given in.. I say finally didn't take much conviction lol. Anyway in this universe Dumbledore is still very much alive and no-one tried to kill one another so all is well. As always enjoy and let me know what you think xx

Summary: Draco and y/n battle it out for the new position as headmaster but what happens when they are made to work alongside one another

“Ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention please” spoke Dumbledore. He arose from his chair gently tapping his knife against his chalice in order to garner the crowds attention . Shortly everyones eyes were fixated on him. He cleared his throat and began. “I would like to thank each and everyone one of you for coming out tonight … as we all know its been a tough decision for me to step down, however! .I have no fear as I know the school will be in the safest of hands. I hand picked these two myself and in-fact trust them with my life. I know they have been working tirelessly day in and out to ensure not only my trust .. but all members of committee and most importantly our students. So with that being said when it is revealed in tomorrows assembly who the new headmaster and deputy are I want you both to know ,no matter the outcome I am so proud of you both, so let us raise a toast to our candidates . Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N and Draco Lucius Malfoy”. With that Dumbledore rose his chalice high in the air smiling warmly at the pair. Everybody followed suit and raised their glasses high in celebration.

Draco and Y/N graciously thanked everyone as they showered them with words of praise and encouragement . Just then Y/n went to speak however her words were abruptly cut short by Astoria. As if an eager child unable to contain her excitement she blurted out. “ Draco and I are so grateful for all the support, so as a thank you after this we will be having refreshments and canapés at the Malfoy manor to celebrate his new position as headmaster .. all are welcome to join”. ‘Headmaster .. oh my how incredibly presumptuous” Y/N chuckled into her drink. “Excuse me” squeaked Astoria, she spun around rapidly locking eyes with Y/n. Y/n folded her arms across her chest and began “I do believe you heard me Astoria .. you said headmaster and thats yet to be revealed so for you to address Draco as said headmaster is well.. presumptuous”. Astorias tongue prodded the inside of her cheek, you could tell by the hue of red in her face she was infuriated but trying to find the words without imploding.

“Well , I just know he will ok so yeah just know that”, spat Astoria in a feeble attempt to shake off Y/ns rightful observation’. ‘Oh I see” snapped y/n “why didn't you say it was you sooner, Sybil , Sybil Trelawney teacher of divination . What are you doing here under the guise of Polyjuice potion? I mean you could’ve just come with your crystal ball and tea leaves and said he was the winner that way instead of this elaborate scheme don’t you think?” The laughter of fellow by standers suddenly erupted around the women. Astoria who now sup parsed hues of red was the shade of a beetroot , completely enraged prepared to snap she was interrupted by Dumbledore. “ NOW now girls quell your fiery natures, this is to be a peaceful night of celebrations”. The woman smiled coyly at Dumbledore. ‘My apologies Dumbledore” y/n chimed up. “We speak no more of it ok” Dumbledore smiled and gently patted the crown of y/ns head and proceeded to make his way back to his chair. Y/N turned and smiled gloatingly at Astoria. In response Astoria screwed her face up mockingly and fled no doubt to chastise Draco for not swooping in and defending her.

“Pwoarh Nice one mate” chuckled Fred as he held out his fist waiting for Y/n to bump it. Hahah stop it you she giggled. ‘Here , should we go to the manor after this for a laugh” sniggered George appearing alongside them. “Ha, I'm sure she’s revoked my invitation effective immediately” said Y/n, as she peered over to Astoria , she could see her flailing her arms around whilst Draco made no attempt to conceal his look of boredom in the conversation. “You know what lets .. Ive been dying to get a peek of the manor anyway what harm can it do”. ‘Cracking’ the twins harmonised in unison. The trio linked arms and jollied along.

Once arrived at the manor they soon found it to be every bit luxurious as they envisioned. The floors were marble and reflected the light of the enormous crystal chandeliers suspended from the ceiling. Each stair of the grand staircase was illuminated by candle light creating an auburn strip propelling up the length of the stairs. Every inch of the manor oozed with decadence. “Wow , its rather impressive” mused y/n . “You can say that again” chimed Fred as he helped himself to a glass of champagne , handing one over to y/n. They began to mingle and drink with the rest of the party guests it was an overall pleasant evening that was until Astoria appeared before Y/n. “Glad to see you could make it y/n” said Astoria with a constipated smile. She had made little to no effort to conceal her sarcastic tone.

Y/n had no interest in rehashing todays mini confrontation. Instead she pulled a sickly sweet smile and said “ Wouldn’t miss it for the world, thank you for your generous hospitality Ms Green grass.” Astorias face dropped ���green green .. she muttered, haha don’t be silly you must get use to calling me Mrs Malfoy”. Now despite y/ns fondness to antagonise Astoria at any given opportunity she couldn’t help but see she was visibly hurt. She immediately began to fumble her words in a bid to preserve her feelings “honestly , Astoria I'm sorry I didn't know the extent of your relationship .. I apologise”. Astoria still hadn’t reacted she stood stationary bottom lip protruding sad and helpless like a lost puppy. Y/n gently squeezed Astorias forearm and began to say “ look you mustn't pay it any mind, Draco wouldn’t dare indulge in any small talk with me about family life .. so don’t stress it congratulations by the way”. Astoria looked up at her with eyes softened . Relief washed over Y/n as she could tell she was receptive to her. Y/n couldn’t help but wonder to herself why he hadn’t mentioned news as big as that , they had worked so closely over these months . To be fair on a good day if you hadn’t known Draco you wouldn’t even know he had a girlfriend let alone fiancé .. or wife ?

Astoria went to talk but just then none other than Draco emerged behind her . His hand came down onto her shoulder. sharply. “ thats enough now sweetheart , I think Daphne was looking for you actually”. There was a weird exchange of eye contact Astoria weakly smiled and left. It was now just y/n and Draco stood before one another. Draco broke the silence by clearing his throat “ Y/L/N, may I interest you in a nightcap in my office ,there are things Id appreciate to discuss before we venture into our new working relationship”. Although slightly bewildered she agreed as after all they were to work alongside one another and she’d rather it be somewhat harmonious than turbulent.

Y/n followed Draco across the length of the great hall and into a pair of grand double doors. The room was vast , books littered the walls as far as the eye could see and in the corner a fireplace roared. Draco stood behind his desk and motioned for y/n to take a seat opposite him. She smoothed the back of her dress and proceeded to make herself comfortable. Draco started pouring whiskey from the crystal decanter into a couple of whiskey tumblers. The burn of the fire whisky ignited as it glided down her throat. The combination of whiskey and champagne left Y/N beginning to feel somewhat merry, she hadn’t really noticed during the quiet sobering conversation with Astoria. ‘So what is it you have in mind Draco?”. His stormy grey eyes peered over at her from behind his glass. ‘Very well” he remarked and manoeuvred himself to Y/NS side of the desk .He perched himself on the edge legs akimbo and both his large veiny hands clasped around his whiskey glass. Y/n inhaled sharply as she averted her gaze from his legs splayed before her. Continuing he said “ As you're aware I have my plans about how Hogwarts should be run , I have a detailed strategy and I plan to implement it as soon as possible .. so what I'm really asking is are you with me or against me because I have no intention of being held back”.

Y/n blinked rapidly .. she was unable to process what he was saying , how could he be so smug thinking he had headmaster place secured already. “ Fuck sake Draco, ok first that wasn’t really posed as an option now was it ?, also enough with belief that its your divine right to just be appointed as headmaster! What makes you think that if you somehow are the headmaster I will just bend at your will? Pathetic!” She scoffed into her drink. Draco began to stifle a laugh “ Ah you do amuse me y/n”, look I'm willing to let you have some creative control … only if you prove to me how badly you so desire it”. His suggestive smile sent shivers up y/n. “Fuck you Malfoy” she hissed and jolted from her seat, once she reached the door she rattled the doorknob but to no avail the door wouldn’t budge. “Open it now” she demanded . Draco slowly sauntered towards her and leant across the door “hmm I thought you liked a challenge .. guess I was wrong this will be no fun after all ” Draco was indeed correct Y/n did enjoy a challenge and he’d be gravely mistaken if he thought she would let him get away without putting up a fight”.

Something switched in Y/n she turned to face Draco who was only inches away. He towered over her with his svelte frame encased in an all black suit. ‘Is this what you want Draco hmm” she said in a sultry tone whilst hooking her finger into his belt loop pulling him closer. You want me to beg ..or would you rather me on my knees .. better yet I could be a good girl and just bend over that desk right now and let you have your way if thats what you want” . Draco's breathing was now laboured within seconds he had pulled y/n in by the waist flipped her round having her pressed against the door, his body weight up against her and his hand holding her arms in place on the door. Y/n could feel the stiffness of his impressive length against her derrière. With a shallow gasp he breathed dangerously close to her ear “ be careful what you wish for ms Y/L/N , I don’t take too kindly to false promises as I always get what I want” . With that he tossed her around to face him .Y/n was now panting her body was burning in desire she wanted nothing more than to drop to her knees there and then. No wonder Astoria was attached to his hip.. if this was anything to go off.

Y/n bit her lip she felt dizzy with emotions . Draco stood before her with a devious smile , his hands soon intertwining at her waist and face buried in her décolleté littering it with kisses making his way down to her ample bosom. Y/n couldn’t help but throw her head back in delight eliciting a small moan. That only became fuel for Draco as he hoisted her leg from the floor and wrapped it around him. It was then Y/n felt a vibration from the opposite side of the door., as if someone had knocked from the outside . It was then followed by a mousy ‘ Dray , are you in there’. Draco paused for a moment grip still tight on y/n. “What is it I'm having a business meeting , i'll be out shortly don’t hover ”. It was clear who it was… the pair unraveled themselves from one another quickly smoothing out clothing and rejigging themselves. ‘Ok let us” let me stop you Draco, Y/n interrupted pressing her finger against his lips to audibly shush him. “ As if you think id let this happen you think you get to fuck me then you do as you please and I a dutiful little lap dog . Pfffft what a joke like it or not I'm going to be your boss so the only way I'm fucking you is in the more figurative sense , now you better hurry up don’t want to keep your fiancé waiting or Is it wife hmmm”. With a quick flick from her wand she sent the door swinging open and promptly stormed out.

The day had finally arrived the great hall of Hogwarts was alive with the buzz of chatter. The sizeable table at the forefront of the hall hosted all the teachers and most importantly both Draco and y/n. Dumbledore made his way to the podium, he produced his wand and placed it at the base of his neck it acted as a megaphone propelling his voice across the hall. “Everybody if I may have your attention please.” The chatter soon died down and everyone eagerly cast their eyes on him. “ Right, I shan’t keep you in suspense anymore , it is time to announce your new headmaster & deputy ’. Both Draco and y/n fidgeted in their seats after all these months of rivalry it had boiled down to this. “ Ladies and gentlemen, introducing Ms y/n y/l/n your new headmaster !” Boomed Dumbledore. .Y/N shrieked she was giddy with excitement she couldn’t believe she had actually done it. Everyone around her broke out into wild applause there were whistles and jeers laughter overall excitement. She was being ushered by the surrounding teachers to get up to the podium to make a speech. As she was making her way she cast eyes on Draco, there he stood paler than usual and unresponsive he was there physically but not mentally his carcass stood stationary unable to ingest the news he had just been fed.

The days rolled into weeks weeks rolled into months and y/n had almost completed a whole term at Hogwarts. All was going swimmingly and albeit begrudgingly Draco was in-fact a great support on her journey. It was the last night of term and y/n sat a her desk pondering over a mountain of papers. Y/n sighed and cradled her head in her hands , she was exhausted she spent all her time dedicated to the role that she forgot to take time out for herself. There was a knock at the door “Come in” she yelled out. Draco's head emerged around the door. ‘

Oh hey you , come in come in” ushering him to the desk. ‘Oh dear , sucks to be you , regretting the position of power now?” Draco chuckled menacingly. “Ha ha very funny” she uttered dryly. “Anyway , some of the other teachers are going out for drinks but I can see you are busy” said Draco eyeballing the mountains of paper. “Yeah.. I afraid I am , but you enjoy yourself Draco have a drink for me and i'll see you next term” she smiled warmly at him. Draco locked eyes on her , hands stuffed in his pocket he began to fidget. “In all honesty I'm not the fondest of all the people going .. also Id much rather not be at home ..before you laugh or probe why just don’t because I won’t go into it but I can’t bare to spend another moment longer with …her .. so umm yeah , I can help you out here then say you make it up to me buying me a drink later?”

Y/n smirked “You’re quite then enigma aren’t you Draco ..? He raised his eyebrows at her in acknowledgement. “Fine , id appreciate that very much but I am rather tired so if it's not beneath you I can offer you a drink at mine ..”. His eyes flickered up to meet hers , stifling a smile . “Id like that ..”he said softly , ‘well then , let's get to work” y/n smiled. Draco and y/n worked through the night it was filled with chatter and laughter they felt at ease with one another. Once they finished up the momentum continued on at y/ns house. Copious amounts of fire whiskey later they found themselves delving into deeper topics having more in-depth conversations and discovering more about one another. Draco's whole demeanour was very relaxed and this was foreign to y/n. His shirt sleeves were rolled up and tie loosened. ‘You know .. you're an alright person not that much of a pain in my arse surprisingly” Draco chuckled swigging another mouthful of whiskey. “Well thats rich” laughed y/n.

“Right well I've really enjoyed this but its getting late , I can barley keep my eyes open … earlier you mentioned you didn't want to go back so .. you're more than welcome to stay …. Only if you want”. Rattled by the kind gesture he smiled affectionately. Stumbling over his words “umm yeah , thank you y/n you’ve exceeded your generosity let me at least grab us coffee for the morning then. “Sounds like a plan , hopefully you won’t find me a pain in the arse again come morning ”. With a cackle Y/n got up from the couch and showed Draco to the spare room. Once at the door she began to wish him a goodnight. As he went to hug y/n his lips grazed her cheek. Y/n suddenly recoiled , a silence loomed over them as they gazed at one another the emotions of that night in Draco's office flooding back. Y/n could feel the heat surging in her cheeks so she hastily wished him a good night and scurried to her room. Once in the shelter of her room she let out a sigh of relief. She knew it was the right thing to do but my how she craved him.

Draco burst through the door making a beeline for Y/N. He took her into his arms and kissed her with an insatiable hunger. Backing her into the wall he began to rid her of her clothing . Y/n hands clambered at his chest to do same however he abruptly stopped her “ Oh no you don’t , you think I forgot about that little stint in my office huh ? Well I didn't and I've been awaiting the day I get to fuck you senseless Ms y/n … you control me all day and now its y turn to control you .. you will do everything I say do you understand” . Enthralled by his dominance Y/n nodded enthusiastically. “Sorry I didn't hear you “ roared Draco grabbing her face towards his. “Yes who”. “Yes Draco” she moaned . “You can do better than that dear yes who, i'll only ask you one more time or i'll have bent over my knee.. so what will it be?” . “Yes … daddy “ she muttered bashfully. “Thats my girl” he bellowed. He grabbed her and thrust her onto the bed , he unfastened his tie and instructed her to lift her hands above her head. Y/n did as commanded. He bound her wrists up and hooped them over the bed post. “Now, I'm going to have my way with you and you don’t get to touch me understood!” ��Yes daddy y/n whimpered” “ahh what a good girl you are, ugh the things I'm going to do to you”. Y/ns eyes winded in desire, Draco shimmied y/ns shirt up and instructed her to bite down using it as a makeshift gag. He suddenly began to kiss her lower abdomen slowly sliding off her trousers.

Y/n titled her hips aiding him in taking them off. Draco's eyes lit up upon the discovery of her not wearing any undergarments “oh so you were anticipating me you filthy slut” Draco chuckled darkly’. He teased and taunted kissing her inner thighs only grazing her sex, this drove y/n crazy her body craved him inside her. Draco finally delicately licked a strip against her folds causing her body to crumble at the slightest of his touch. His warm moist tongue began frantically massaging her causing her to rive in ecstasy . His tongue began to vibrate excitedly against her clitoris sending shock waves through her entire body , she bucked her hips in excitement unable to keep her composure as Draco's tongue fixated on lapping up the one spot that drove her insane. Y/n was close he was relentless with his tongue against her swollen bud , just as she was about to finish Draco withdrew. Y/ns face fell in disgust just as she was about complain he plunged his fingers deep inside her ..pumping rhythmically y/ns juices coated his fingers . His other hand sloped around her neck , eventually this caused her to release all over his hand. Draco's pupils now engulfed his eyes …he was enthralled in pleasure watching her crumble for him . “ Aren’t you a good girl , snarled Draco “squirting for daddy , whilst I love it I don’t recall giving you permission to” .y/n squirmed overcome with pleasure unable to respond.

He unhooked her and brought her to her knees. He ripped her shirt from her mouth and produced his veiny throbbing cock dripping with pre cum. Y/n gasped in astonishment and eagerly attempted to take him all in her mouth bobbing her head enthusiastically until her jaw ached and eyes began to stream. He hurled his head back in pleasure as her tongue gently caressed his pulsating tip. “Ugh yeah just like that baby “ he muttered .

Without warning y/n sucked on the tip with vigour. Draco let out a ferocious moan whilst grabbing y/ns hair fashioning it into a ponytail attempting to make her glide her tongue down the rest of his shaft. He couldn’t have her do that for too long as he surely would finish in her mouth. “You filthy filthy girl “ he beamed as he pulled her off his cock . Rocking her head back spiting in her mouth. He brought yn to her feet and began kissing her deeply interlocking his tongue with hers , she yearned so badly to touch him to feel her skin against his. “ Get over here , I want you leant over this bed frame whilst I fuck you .. I'm going to cum on that pretty pussy then I'm going to put it back in understand!” Firmly instructed Draco . “Yes daddy” that’s my girl he cooed. Draco teasingly stroked his member against her entrance this sent shock waves through y/n causing her to gyrate in hopes he would slip in. Draco caught onto this and his hand came down harshly on her derrière .y/n let out a gasp. “Don’t be greedy now” he laughed tightening his makeshift restraints on her wrists. Relentless with his teasing it was a shock to y/n when Draco abruptly pushed into her. Y/n was in euphoria as was Draco as the warmth of her walls swaddled his manhood.

Draco slammed into y/n her body rattling with pleasure, just then Draco felt himself out to release .. so true to his word he instructed y/n to lay on her back so he could empty his contents onto her. He threw his head back in jubilation upon release. As he went to enter her again this time her was slower much more gentle taking y/n into his arms. “How do you want me to finish you off baby?,like this or I could use my fingers?” Y/n shuddered remembering the bliss she was in from his lengthy fingers so it would be a no brainer to opt for them “Fingers please daddy” she uttered softly.

He untangled himself from her stood up and offered his hand . Taking her across the room he sat down in-front of the floor length mirror instructing y/n to sit in between his legs. “If its fingers you was then its fingers you’ll get but your gonna have to watch me”. His large hand sloped up her neck tenderly chocking her whilst his other massaged at her slit . Y/n was still dripping from earlier so it was light work for him to imbed his fingers into her. Y/n couldn’t take it the combination of Draco's fierce unwavering gaze in the mirror and the sheer bliss she felt with her legs quaking she soon released decorating the mirror in-front her. “Ugh your amazing baby” he beamed kissing her forehead gracefully. “Here let's get you cleaned up and we can cuddle in bed”. “Oh my … I didn't peg you as a cuddling type Draco” y/n laughed gingerly attempting to get up her legs still trembling beneath her. “Shut up you” he scolded “when will you learn there’s a lot you still don’t know about me y/n”.

[blouisparadise]

Here are some of the amazing bottom Louis fics that were posted or completed during the month of September. We hope you enjoy this list. Happy reading!

1) Hard Candy Dripping On Me (Til My Feet Are Wet) | Explicit | 1997 words

Louis gets fucked on a plane. That’s it.

2) Fucking Nightmares | Mature | 2151 words

Louis has a nightmare. Harry comforts him.

3) You Could Take A Lick (But It's Too Cold To Bite) | Explicit | 2469 words

“You look kinda thirsty.” Louis croons softly.

Harry leans back in his chair and tilts his head to the side. His eyes are covered by the pair of expensive shades, but Louis feels his eyes drifting down his backside as he lays on his stomach.

“Why don’t you bring me a bit of that ice cream, darling?”

Louis and Harry have fun in a summer day.

4) Interview With The Vampire  | Explicit | 4135 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/Robert Pattinson.

Working at an alpha magazine wasn't always easy for an omega like Louis, but he's just landed his biggest interview yet with an A list actor who has asked for Louis especially. Unfortunately, the interview is with Rob Pattinson, the biggest pain in the arse alpha on the planet.

Inspired by Rob’s interview in GQ Magazine and not actually about vampires

5) Conozco La Vida | Teen & Up | 4761 words

Note: This fic contains no explicit smut, but since it’s omega Louis, we’ve included it. 

"I have a son," he declared, there was a very thinly veiled layer of hesitation.

Harry was unaware in the direction which this conversation was heading but chose to stare at the man instead.

"He is an Omega," he dropped the pivotal piece of information.

Harry's attention was hooked now.

"He has been raised in an Omega convent all his life, he hasn't been in the presence of any Alpha who isn't his immediate family."

"I am still waiting for you to make a point."

"You could take him as an Omega."

Harry did not react, his face remaining perfectly free of betrayal of any sort of emotion and leaned back upon his chair, his leg crossed upon his knee. "You are selling your son to me?"

6) It’s Hard For Me To Go Home | Not Rated | 4890 words

Don’t call me baby again.

7) So Baby, Let's Keep It Secret | Explicit | 4638 words

“I’ll leave with you,” Harry said after a beat, sounding sure of himself.

“What!? No!, you can’t leave with me, Harry, you have a life here. You have a job and friends an-”

Harry kissed him in the middle of his rambling. “Which means nothing if I don’t have you.”

Into You Music Video AU.

8) ZOMOS | Mature | 5659 words

Is it easy to forget everything and start afresh? Is it easy being served with hateful glances and insults when all you wish for is to be loved? Is it easy to make it seem like everything is alright when in reality your world is crumbling into pieces with every breath you take?

Is it easy to be the omega who is unwanted by their alpha?

9) Your Biggest Fan | Explicit | 9075 words 

Just like everyone else, Louis has a few habits that he can’t seem to break. Guilty pleasures, rather. His nails are perpetually short because he can’t quit biting them, the bottom of his shoes scuffed from tapping his foot constantly. Sometimes his leg gets a cramp from bouncing it so often underneath his desk. That isn't too bad, he reckons, just some average teenage coping mechanisms.And also, occasionally, minor instances of theft.

10) Making A Splash | Explicit | 9557 words

“You want this?” Harry muses, fisting his cock as he drags his hand lazily up his thick length. Louis eyes the motion and nods his head absentmindedly. “You want to show everyone at this beach how much of a slut you are for Daddy’s cock?”

“M‘your slut,” Louis immediately replies, inching closer, inching closer with his eyes glued on Harry’s glistening cock, precome shining under the sun as it dribbles out his slit.

Harry grins widely and stops the movement of his hand to grip himself at the base again, pushing Louis’ head down. “Show everyone how much of a slut you are.”

11) Hung Up High in the Gallery | Mature | 14006 words

When Harry’s best friend, Louis, comes to support him at his art show, he decides they need to do some celebrating afterwards. How fast do the lines between friends and lovers get blurred ... or better, get painted?

12) My Home Is Your Body | Explicit | 15341 words

Note: The fic pairing is Louis/Henry Cavill.

He had seen who had made his senses go haywire. His ex was in the front row, five feet in front of him. He felt his eyes on him even as he mechanically made his way to the end of the runway, hoping to God he didn’t look like a maniac. Everything was a blur. He somehow managed to walk the rest of the way without falling or emoting anything. Why was he HERE? Of all places.

...where Louis is a successful omega model and the last thing he expects is his ex to become the co-partner of the new company he works for....

13) There's Nothing Like It (Nothing At All) | Explicit | 15471 words 

Note: This is a sequel to this fic.

His hands are outstretched on the mattress like he’s reaching out for something, reaching out for Harry. It makes his heart swell, almost bursting with affection and love. He only waits a bit longer before reaching over to turn off the light and pulling Louis to his chest, smiling when the omega immediately sighs in contentment, nuzzling into his skin happily.Tomorrow, he tells himself. Tomorrow, they’ll talk about it.-Or, Harry isn’t ready for things to change, and the end is just the beginning.

14) Seven Simple Words | Explicit | 15535 words

It’s not like he and Louis were a couple. No, they might have been a lot of things—best mates and colleagues with a seemingly convenient friends-with-benefits arrangement—but never a couple. It wasn’t Louis’ fault he didn’t feel the same way and couldn’t reciprocate Harry’s feelings in the way he’d wanted, the way he’d needed. Harry had allowed himself to get in too deep, his entire being aching to be loved back by the object of his affections. But in love, as in life, you don’t always get what you want.

15) Works Like A Charm | Explicit | 18061 words

Ever since Louis joined the team in fifth year, a few facts have become set in stone.

One: Louis is the best chaser in Hogwarts.

Two: Harry is the best beater in Hogwarts.

Three: They do not get along.

So it’s really unfair of Liam to think that forcing them to spend time together as Louis recovers from his injury will make them the best of friends. The last thing Louis would do is get along with that git.

16) The Way This River Runs | Explicit | 27417 words 

It’d be so easy to just open his mouth and plead with Harry, to scream I’m sorry until his voice disappears, but he can’t. Be it his pride or his ego or his insecurities, he just can’t do it. The worst part is that he knows Harry would probably forgive him.

But Louis doesn’t want phony forgiveness. He doesn’t want Harry’s soothing words and pity embrace, thinks he might just break altogether if he was offered them. He feels like he’s made of glass recently and it’s to the point where he kind of wants to tip over the edge, just to see if he’d shatter. Just to see who’d be there to pick up the pieces if he did.

17) Give Me Love | Explicit | 41041 words

Louis doesn't feel like a good omega, Harry doesn't remember how to be an alpha, and they figure it out together.

18) Falling Out Of Fashion | Explicit | 42123 words

Harry Styles has been the established face of the Grimshaw House of Design for two years. It’s a prestigious and coveted modeling contract Harry took away from once-famed supermodel Zayn Malik. With the model transition Grimshaw’s designs went from a more urban, Zayn-forward aesthetic, to a Harry-favoring flowery, flowing femininity in the Grimshaw designs for men.

So when Harry sees a dress Grimshaw made for a famous Marvel actress, “only a tease”, Nick says, of the evolving look, Harry knows Grimshaw is shifting his aesthetic.

Harry wonders if he can pull off the look.

19) Three Days In February | Explicit | 189346 words

Louis is cursed after a night out with the lads and the five have just three days to figure out what happened and how to break it before Harry and Louis both lose their sanity and maybe something more. Louis can hear everything Harry thinks and Harry isn’t sure he can keep his feelings for Louis a secret from his own mind.

Ridiculous amounts of banter and angst, a lot of Harry and Louis alone together, a healthy dose of OT5 friendship, and one very magical weekend.

20) Boss Bitch | Explicit | 386901 words

Harry had always wanted to work for this successful mafia; the mafia that everyone knew, everyone feared. Led by none other than the pahntom

"L'eue Courante", whom everyone knew existed, but had no other clues who this person could be. The only thing known was a high heel the phantom once left.

So this person had to be woman, Harry assumend. And man, was he wrong.

Check out our other fic rec lists by category here and by title here.

You can find other monthly roundup fic rec lists here.

[starkeristheendgame]

peter and tony are on a motorcycle together. The constant movement and touching is getting them kind of excited.

I really hope you like this and that I did it justice! For those curious, this is the bike that Tony rides. I will forever spit curses at the Gods for making me the size of a Pomeranian. This is basically Early!College!Peter and Adult!Tony, and can be seen as a Biker/Gang AU if you wanna! 

TW: Public sex | Sex toy use | D/s dynamics | Consensual power dynamics | Potentially degrading monikers

Nobody had really believed Peter when he’d quietly admitted to having a boyfriend. It wasn’t that he was ugly, no. Peter was just basically married to his studying, and had seemed utterly and steadfast disinterested in any other offer of company. Though, if he did have a boyfriend, that would explain why. 

And nobody really believed him when they caught the face on his lockscreen. The devastatingly handsome thirty-something model of a man that eyed them with a tilted head and a killer smirk. This was the guy you saw in California, dating movie stars and fucking models, not living in Manhattan and dating a barely-legal college student. 

So when Leah Denvers overhears Peter talking about how his boyfriend will be picking him up from college, near enough the entire school gathers outside, hovering on the steps and all doing their best to fake disinterest, like they aren’t eyeing the boy stood on the edge of the curb like hawks. 

The noise comes first. Like thunder, but fiercer. Like with the rolling booms comes the trickling purr of a jungle cat, and the warning snarl of a dragon. Something angry and something powerful. Something that knew it had the rule of the streets. Nobody bothered to feign disinterest anymore. 

The beast that came charging around the corner was sleek and black, abstract edges and sharp points, a being that would blend into the darkness if not for its glowing red eyes. The rider that mounted it sat low, leaning over the tank, dressed head to foot in a sleek, black leather suit and helmet. 

Peter breathed a sigh of relief, acutely aware of every single set of eyes on his back. Tony being here meant they could make a rather speedy getaway. Ned had apologetically abandoned him on the curb, whisked away to a family meal with some long-lost Auntie. 

The rider steered the bike to an elegant halt and sat upright slowly, blacked out, glossy visor turning slowly to face him as the rider sat astride the bike, letting it growl between his thighs, hands resting calmly on the tank. Peter could see his own face in the visor, cheeks flushed, pupils blown. 

Peter stepped off the curb and up close, close enough he could smell the leather and the gasoline, could feel the heat of the bike and damned near her vibrations. He reached up a hand and delicately thumbed the safety lock of the helmet, lifting the visor up slowly until he could see dark, dark eyes, framed by long, thick lashes. 

People were talking. Whispering furiously. Peter knew what they were saying. Knew their doubts. He was just a semi-popular, not-so-great-with-fashion college student. How was a man like this with a boy like him? 

Tony Stark leaned away from him just slightly, blinking slowly like a cat as he reached behind him, for the spare jacket and helmet strapped safely to the seat Peter would soon occupy. He shrugged on the thick, armoured jacket himself, but obliged when Tony took the helmet from his hands, tugging up the bandanna from around his neck to cover his lower face, gentle and careful when he helped Peter to put it on and to tighten the straps. 

Tony let his head dip, pressing their helmeted foreheads together, like a tender kiss. He did it, each time before a ride. Good luck, he called it. And then he was bracing his legs and the bike, holding her stable as Peter put a hand to his shoulder and bounced up onto the back, tucking his legs into the correct position and sighed in contentment as he draped himself over Tony’s back, arms tight around his toned waist. 

Nearly the entire school was still staring when the engine gave a great roar between his thighs and leapt forwards. He would never get used to the thrill, would never get used to the leap in his chest and the tingle of adrenaline through his veins. But the worst was the vibrations, unrelenting against his ass, and being pressed so close against his lover, entrusting him with his very life. 

Peter wobbled off the bike hard between his legs more often than not. 

Tony did, too. 

They came to a halt at a stop light, Tony leaning upright to keep steady as they waited, and Peter relaxed against him, squeezing him lovingly. Tony reacted by reaching back, a large, gloved hand squeezing his thigh before it went to the throttle and twisted, just enough to hitch the revs, enough to have Peter squirming on the pillion seat, biting his lip. 

On the freeway, Tony set her free, the engine a thrumming monster beneath them. The angle that Peter sat upon her meant that the steady purr licked at the insides of his thighs, his asscheeks, against his tender cock. He knew for a fact where Tony’s cock was squeezed against the tank that he was hard. It was in each careful, uncomfortable hitch of his hips. 

Very slowly, Peter let his hands slide down Tony’s stomach, inch by inch until he was thumbing at the stiff leather over his flanks, stifling his hot cock. Tony pulled one hand from the bars and lay it over his hand, pressing Peter’s palm down firmly against the hard rise of his length, before he returned it to the steering. 

Halfway to Tony’s penthouse, Peter was hard enough that it ached, uncomfortable in his jeans, hips nudging against the base of Tony’s spine on each opportunity. His boyfriend reacted in kind, squeezing his thighs and revving the engine when there was no need, just to tease Peter with the powerful vibrations. 

Where he ought to have turned left, Tony turned right, and Peter watched the city blur into mostly abandoned lanes and streets. In a nook between a tall, abandoned apartment complex and a parking zone, Tony nudged the bike to the side and to a halt, reaching back to tap Peter’s thigh twice. 

Dismount. 

No sooner than Peter had stepped out of kicking range, Tony was kicking the stand down and swinging a leg over, hands reaching for his helmet. His hair was tousled and messy when he pulled it off, tugging down the bandanna to around his neck, tearing at his gloves with a dark, hungry gaze. Peter couldn’t bite back his grin, legs still tingling from the ride as he tore at his own helmet and jacket. 

For all their impatience with taking the gear off, they were still careful when they set it down, out of the way and with care before large hands settled on Peter’s hips, spinning him. A hand between his shoulders and he went down, folding over the bike with a half-giggle of delight, Tony’s thick thigh forcing his legs apart, making him present. 

“Such a desperate little slut, hm? Couldn’t even wait to get home. You just had to beg to be filled up” Tony breathed, hot and husky against his ear, folding over him like a stallion mounting his mare, hard and firm and unforgiving against him from shoulders to thighs. Peter could do nothing but mewl, pawing at the bike helplessly and arching against his lover. 

“Hhngh, please. Tony, fuck. Please. You’re so - None of them believed me. You’re that fucking hot they all thought I was lying” Peter rasped, eyes rolling when Tony nuzzled at his neck, coaxed him to bare it so he could sink his teeth into the soft, vulnerable flesh. 

“Mm, and do you like that they believe you now, pet? Do you like that they know you bounce on my cock like my good little boy?” It was punctuated with a harsh jolt of his hips, and Peter hissed. 

“Yes”. 

“Do you feel pride, knowing they want me, but they know they can’t have me? That they can’t, because you are Daddy’s little whore?”. 

Peter nearly sobbed, rocking his hips against the bike for friction, for anything as Tony reached for his ass, squeezing a fat cheek harshly before he pushed his hand under the loose band of his jeans, firm fingers pressing down on the base of the plug that was nestled deep in his ass, flared wide within to stretch his slick little insides. 

“Daddy likes it, too” Tony purred in his ear, fucking the plug into him with short little presses, hand reinforced by the harsh thrusts of his hips. Tony licked at his neck, his jaw, bit the shell of his ear with a low rumble and drove a hand into his hair, twisting and gripping hold of the silky locks for purchase. 

“P-Please” Peter breathed shakily, spreading his legs wider, pressing his ass back against Tony’s hand and his cock, biting at his lip to try and stifle the sounds tearing from his throat. Abandoned didn’t necessarily mean nobody was lurking in the shadows. 

“Mm, since you were so good, and wore this all day” Tony pretended to muse, and Peter nearly cried when he felt Tony’s fingertip slide around the edge of the plug, against his sore and stretched rim, which bent around the gentle pressure and then sucked his fingertip in greedily, a brief burst of pain quickly smothered by the heat of pleasure. 

“O-Oh! Fuck. Fuck, please. Tony!” Peter whimpered, head dropping as he scrabbled for purchase against the bike, near drooling as his thighs began to shake. Tony pressed against the plug again and brushed a thumb over his raw hole, forcing a shaky breath from his younger boyfriend. 

“If you cum now, little slut, you’ll have to ride the rest of the way home wet” Tony warned. Peter knew how uncomfortable it would be, how raw and tacky it would feel when his cum began to dry, but he nodded wickedly none the less, rutting against the frame of the motorcycle and squirming his hips to encourage Tony’s finger deeper. 

From behind him, Tony gave a low hum, and used his own hips to shove his finger deeper, startling a yelp from Peter that morphed into a cry as Tony rubbed at his sweet spot, his tender hole stretched too wide too soon, but Peter loved every moment of it, squeezing his eyes shut and throwing his head back when the boiling heat in his stomach pooled and overflowed, legs buckling so he collapsed against the bike as he came on a cracked gasp of Tony’s name. 

“That’s it, sweetheart. Cum for me” Tony coaxed him, gentle and overcareful as he rubbed him through it, and eased his finger out. He crowded Peter tighter, squeezing him against the bike as one hand came up to grip his jaw, thumb forcing his mouth open like a reluctant horse for the bit, the other pushing his slick finger into Peter’s mouth, so he could taste himself, stroking the back of his tongue until the boy hiccuped on a gag. 

“If you’re not hard again by the time we get back, I’m going to tie you naked to the bike on the driveway, and leave you there” Tony whispered sweetly. 

[psychemeanscure]

PART 22

“Please... Please wake up now loco.”

Her continuous plead that seem to be a strong order she needed to convey as if it was the only way to let him open his eyes. Only to hear the devil’s sniggering laughter. “See what’s more gratifying now, little pea?”

Its tenacious words which still left unattended for her liking for she can only glare, glistening substance of tears begins to drizzle. “Yeah. I, as your father got the chance to play with you my daughter.” and as if she was being responded by her silent protest.

Yet instead of entertaining the old man, she chooses to turn her eyes back to him. “Cabrón. Cabrón please, wake up. Jang Taeyoung!”

But nothing. Jang Taeyoung doesn’t even give a slightest flinch as he still remained heads down hard for her to see him fully as well. Clicking of tongue from the geezer was heard instead as it approaches his unconscious body. Pulling out an Opinel pocket knife she didn’t notice but now. Terrified for him, she jolted.

“What are you trying to do?! F*ck, don’t hurt him!”

She’s bawling mad! But neither of it was followed. The old Alcaziar was just laughing to its extent, positioning itself behind Jang Taeyoung and in between the tables where the monitors of her foster parents are. A hand tapping the edges of one table while the other’s traces the crook of Jang’s shoulder by the sharpness of its pocket knife.

“How was my gift, little pea? You like it?”

“F*ck you!”

“Oh, don’t be. F*ck you too, my daughter.” It even waves its hand as if it was just a casual talk to say. “Was that your term for I love you Dad? Consider it then. You see my original plan was just your foster parents, but after learning about your acting fiancé here or shall I say your ex-acting fiancé. I instantly changed my mind. And since you are my dear niña, I might just be generous for giving choices. Threesome is enough, isn’t it?”

He’s even in the middle of twirling its knife this time as if checking its own keenness. “I’ll kill you. I swear, I’ll kill you f*cking coño!”

“Hm. My pleasure, mi niña. So shall we? Who would you like to go first? Your choice.”

Its unwavering way of threats still. For what on earth is playing even that her foster Dad starts to regain its consciousness through the monitor aiming to call her attention. Shock evident in its aging orbs the moment it haunted her situation from the other side. “Mi hija!”

“Papá!”

As it wasn’t long also long for her to hear her own screams seeing her papá being stirred on his seat caused by the Alcaziar’s man. “Oh? so your acclaimed daddy yow is awake. Shall we go with him, then?”

When its underling begins to point a gun on his foster father, she lost it. Her rummaging fear erupted. “No!”

Heart racing heavily, incessant shaking of head, eyes shut tightly with flowing tears. “Please, I will do anything you want. Just, just don’t hurt him. Don’t hurt Papá, please!” She begged. Mused face from the latter takes in. “Really? Oh, of course mi niña. Yours truly father will be glad too. Now I’ve been thinking…”

Going back its pace onto her, stroking her hair like a maniac hag adoring the epitome of his delusional creation. “Why not a reenacting will do?” she surrendered.

The crazy man undoing her tied hands behind, guiding her to grip the pistol he pulled out to pointing Jang Taeyoung. Tears became whimpers, hands quiver for coldness, eyes pleading for mercy. For it gotten much worst that just like his foster father had, an underling is also pointing a gun from her still unconscious foster mother.

She’s nowhere to go. The devil’s whisper onto her ear makes her whole stiff even. “So, little pea. It’s either you kill him, or I’ll kill your fosters. Choose.”

It was her index finger being guided on the trigger this time. “Pull it, sweet little pea. Pull it.” Urging voice that just consumes more of her already blurred weeps to the expanse of her helpless orbs. ‘No. please…’ For all she can pray an impossible hope that can let them get out from the living hell they were in.

And it did. Miraculously it did when a surprise bullet hit a skin on the Alcaziar’s face leaving a small scratch. “F*cking coño. What was that?!” as a raging complain passed on to its assistant who came running to its boss.

“An elite gang is attacking us Señor.”

“Que? The hell are you talking about? How can an elite be inv---“

“You?”

A snicker came indeed. But it wasn’t from the hag anymore. It was from him.

“Jang Taeyoung, you bastardo?!”                  

Yes. Jang Taeyoung is finally awake. Or rather, he was all along. He heard it. All of her. But his body wasn’t. He’s trying though but failed. His body seem too slow to react for the only thing he can freely do is to secretly frown and listen. But other than that, he was also waiting.

Time. He’s counting the time until the last tick of his watch he expected it to be, came. They are here, and just as right to claim his strength. “Kill him!”

“No!”

Her hasty protest from the command even but before its two underling could even point a gun to Jang Taeyoung, it was already shot by another bullet. Much precise this time. Chaos was seen to the remaining ones while searching the possible spot of the springer gunman. For he can at least give a small smile to her as well before turning to already brazen Alcaziar. “One pointing gun, and a bullet for you. What will you do now, old man?”

The next thing happened?

Tables turned instantly that it was now the Alcaziar who’s now in the bridge of running to his life. Battles between sharpness of springers and panic of splinters disrupts the area, wrecking possessions tormented by its original form. Yet, one remains intact. The safe haven of their longing stares.

“We’re not done yet, you two.”

The following convicting threat of the Alcaziar as its cowardice escape faded until its exit. But none of its words matter for them that despite his not fully recovered body still, he managed to reach her trembling appearance. Grabbing the pistol from her rigid holds, untying the rest knots that keeps her from being tangled. “M-my parents… What might possibly happen to them now.”

Her worries for her foster parents as she was staring by the wreck LCD TVs, staggered.

Cupping her face as he wipes the tracks of her tiring tears by the tenderness of his caressing thumbs as if she’s a fragile figure needed to handle with upkeep. “They’ll be safe. Don’t worry.”

“B-but---

“Just trust me. I’m here. I’m here, Sung Eunyoung.”

“Jang…”

“It’s okay. It’s okay now. Did the bastard hurt you too much?”

For a minute she relieved. Not until she remembered his own situation. Shaking her head, hands went through the hems of his shirt. “Y-your bleeding.” For there it is, her proceeding worries. Eyes nor leaving the said stained. He was about to reply then but before he could manage, Jae came rushing getting his attention. “You’re late.”

“Apologies boss. Just got a little problem with the trackers. But other than that. We really need to get going as possible. The explosives might erupt anytime soon.”

Nodding, he pulls away her hold from his hem. Cupping her face once again obliging to look at him. “Now listen, Sung Eunyoung.” Questioning eyes stared at him as he continued. “As soon as we get out of this cargo, I want you to come with Jae. You understand me?”                

“W-what? Then how about you? And explosives? cargo?”

Her impatient queries certainly while he’s in the middle of assisting her wobbling body to stand up. Accepting hand reaching the gun and painkiller Jae handed. For right then she understands what he is planning. “You’re not in a good shape, Jang Taeyoung. What are you doing?”  

Her hissed disapproval and instead of giving answers to her questions, “We’re on a ship. That’s all I can say to you. Now, no more questions woman. We need to go.”  Just got one out of all, unfortunately. It was even proven the moment they felt its shaking turbulence. As she can only give in a sigh of her disappointment.

Clasping her hand, he finally drags her towing the direction Jae guiding. A passage safe to the enemy’s filthy eyes. For she only realizes then that the ship actually started sailing if not being halt by the attacks. Docks at the end junks far from where their current spot is.

A single motorboat and two were instated, awaiting to be loaded by them. Almost gasp for air when Jang Taeyoung enfolds his hands onto both of her waist, lifts her flawlessly like there weren’t a wound to endure. Arms needed to get a hold of his shoulders then. They were too close where all she could do is stare in silence.

But other than what she’s feeling, she got nervous all of a sudden. For some reason that she needed to catch his hand with hers as soon as he gets her down the motorboat for two. He let her though, even if even she knows it won’t be going to last. Holding her with the same tenderness as he smiled to her, he turns to his assistant.  

“Who’s leading the springers?”

He asked the moment he was handed an ear piece. “Lee, boss.”

“Good. And the Alcaziar?”

“Opposite side of the port.”

Nodding once again, he went back looking at her then. In their hands particularly, rubbing it in circular motion by his thumb, he ask for her understanding. “Now, I really need to go.”

His first word which reciprocated by her persuasion. “Come with us.”

She was gripping tightly on his, this time. She doesn’t know, but she really felt something might happen if she won’t hold into it. “I can’t. It’s now or never Eunyoung-ah.”

“With you in that state? Jang Taeyoung, please.”

Her proceeding plead, just to earn a chuckle instead as if trying to light up the atmosphere a bit. “Yah. I thought you’re eager to take down the old man, now we’ve got the chance, you’re retreating?”

She remained unbothered. Pushing her side still, only being forced to be handed with his assistant. “Take care of her. I’m counting on you.” Its series of command to it before cupping his hand to her face one last time. “See you on the dock.”

And with that Jang Taeyoung swiftly transfers to the single motorboat, jumps with expertise as he drove with speed leaving her sighting his far away figure instead. ‘Just be back, Jang Taeyoung’ for she can silently hope is that. Brushing herself with anxiousness.

“Worried?”  

She was surprised when his assistant talks out of nowhere that she needed to turn her slumping figure to its driving one. Indeed, this was the first time one of them tried to converse with her or rather they ain’t got the chance to. “J-jae, right?” her confirming which answered by its simple nod and smile when he turns to her for a while before she went silent, waiting to its proceeding words which didn’t came even so she initiated instead. Looking the chaos happened from afar now.

“I can’t understand. Letting your boss do what he wants in that shape while all of you, follows. Do underlings really have no say for exceptions than that? You supposed to protect him after all, right?”  

She does see them as mere underlings but looking by his assistant now was a company offering itself as someone to open up with. So she’s dropping the formalities, she opts to. Judging by its appearance they seem to be in the same age anyway. Probably not hard to adjust.

“He’s different. And I think you’re fully aware of that, miss. Besides, how can we stop a boss whose impulses already pulled off its limits by his enemies.”

“Impulses, what?” she’s confused.

Jae simply turns to her once again. “Ms. Sung, who do you think trigger him to do these sorts of recklessness?”

She can only gulp and avoid his gaze into an opposite direction for she need not further elaboration to know the answer. Although not too long after she heard his next words. Straighten like a butler on duty.

“All eyes to Queen.”

Then she felt something’s odd. They already reach the docks but the eerie silence isn’t securing them safety. That’s how she noticed the peering stance of Jae, ratifying the whole vicinity before turning to her with screwed eyes.

“That’s what he ordered. Now, get down!”

And it happened again. The same gunfights which she witnessed just a while ago. Jae was able to duck her head preventing it from any possible attacks, using the motorboat’s hull as shield. Good thing the said boat is as well enough for hiding. “Sh*t! I didn’t see this coming. I’ll definitely be a dead meat to boss after this. Stay put, miss.”

Right then, the assistant pulling out something from a secret compartment revealing a shotgun. Making her ball her eyes bigger. ‘Into how much guns should I see with this battle, por favor!’

The only complain she can think of, yes.

[hansols-yoda-boxers]

hard!domSeok and 26? pls 🥺

“Come on now, bunny. Use your words.”

Hard Dom!Seokmin x Female Reader

Word Count: 2291 

Contents: bad boy!Seokmin feat. tattoos and a tongue stud, general roughness, dom svt, slight marking, teasing, degradation, daddy kink, oral (female receiving), fingering, over stimulation

Note: I’m not saying it’s for sure happening but this might one day eventually have a part 2. Also I tried my best but idk how hard dom this is but I can say it’s fun also @thetypingpup you were right this idea is just too good with Seokmin

You weren’t an idiot. You knew that everything about Lee Seokmin was dangerous. Everyone regarded him as a walking, talking red flag. You were better off not being around him. Seokmin, with his sleek motorcycle that he didn’t let anyone touch. With his tousled locks and jet black leather jacket. With the tattoo sleeves that covered his strong upper arms. With his silver tongue stud that glinted in the light when he laughed, when he talked, when honeyed words fell from his lips.

Lee Seokmin was not the kind of man you could bring home to meet your family. Lee Seokmin was not the kind of man who could even commit to being your boyfriend. Lee Seokmin seemed to leave a string of disappointed and desperate women in his wake, when he paid them any attention at all.

Lee Seokmin was, in a word, bad news. And you were far too smart for that. No matter how much gossip swirled around you, how many rumours of what he was like alone. It wasn’t as if any of your friends had been alone with him. They were stories from friends of friends that seemed damn near mythological. Whether the bad boy thing was an elaborate act or really who he was you didn’t know, but you didn’t need to. You knew that you ought to stay away from him.

You ought to.

You ought to have ignored the way he checked you out so consciously you knew he wanted you to notice.

You ought to have ignored the way his calm, smooth voice damn near turned your legs into jelly as he asked what you thought of his bike.

You ought not have accepted the helmet he’d pressed into your hands as he motioned towards said bike and asked if you wanted a ride.

And you sure as hell shouldn’t have climbed on, wrapping your arms around him and leaning into his back as his bike roared to life and your friends looked on with surprise and jealousy as you rode away.

You were far too smart for this.

But Lee Seokmin was like a decadent cake, like rich chocolate, like your favourite bottle of wine. Only in moderation, right? Not something to indulge in all the time but could one taste really hurt? One bite of something so tempting wouldn’t kill you. It started with his gazes, his smirks, his winks, the way he called you bunny just because he liked how you reacted. His gaze was that of a fox as he regarded you, a hunger in his eyes that should have made you uneasy but only had your knees weaker, your thighs pressing together as subtly as you could.

Maybe you weren’t as smart as you thought.

His reputation preceded him, so it shouldn’t have surprised you at all the way his calm demeanor was tossed aside the moment his apartment door was closed behind him. The way he pushed you back against the wall roughly and his lips crashed against yours. Your hands shaky as the gripped near the collar of his jacket. His finding your thighs and lifting one leg to hook around his waist.

No it shouldn’t have surprised you at all the way his nails dragged along your thighs, making you squeal and earning a chuckle from him, the way they snuck under your skirt, squeezing your ass roughly as he ground against you. The way he dragged your bottom lip between his teeth as he pulled away from the kiss. None of that surprised you, no matter how much of your breath it stole.

But his words did, sending a thrill through you. “Pick a word, bunny,” he said. “In case you need me to stop.”

“Carrot,” fell off your lips, the first word into your mind. He chuckled and you only caught up a moment later as his lips found yours again. A bunny and a carrot.

If only you could be that clever on purpose.

Your head spun as his tongue slipped into your mouth. A shiver ran through you as you felt the smooth metal stud moving against your tongue. You gripped his jacket tighter and he smirked against your lips at the small moans that left them. He was quickly dragging you under, trapping you like a venus fly trap and you were helpless, letting his tongue move into your mouth too easily, spreading your legs too eagerly as his thigh pressed between them.

Seokmin’s hands were rough as the gripped your ass, urging you to move on his thigh. His kisses full of smooth metal and dragging teeth and moans being drawn from your lungs. Your heart racing and breathing fast by the time he pulled back from the kiss, his gaze only hungrier than before. 

So it didn’t surprise you either as he shrugged off his jacket, backing you into his bedroom. Or how his hands pulled your clothing off far too easily, like he’d done it a thousand times, before you got to the bed. Backing you onto the bed and bearing down over you as his fingers played with the lace of your panties.

“My sweet, innocent, little bunny.” The words sent a thrill through you, only wetting your panties further before he pulled them off. You finally felt heat reaching your cheeks, your mind catching up with your actions as he sunk between your legs. He sucked a mark into your inner thigh, a smirk nearly tugging at his lips as you squirmed and pressed your face into the pillow. He pulled back from the fresh mark, running his tongue over it, and then his teeth just to make you squeal.

“Such a pretty bunny,” he mused, lazily dragging his finger through your folds. “And so eager for me.”

You whined, squeezing your eyes shut and feeling your face burning. His demeanor was too calm now and just his finger moving through your folds slowly was sending sparks of pleasure up your spine. His teasing words had your head spinning too easily, had you wanting far too many more of them.

“Is this just what you wanted, to show me how easily I can have you? How eager you are to give me whatever I want?”

You choked on the moan that rose in your throat, wishing you could deny how his words affected you. You knew he was right, you made it far too easy for him to have you any way he wanted. You were far too eager to ignore every warning until you were ensnared in his trap. You wished you could have stopped yourself from clenching around nothing, already so flustered from the way he took in the sight of you.

“Not such an innocent bunny,” his lips curled into a devilish smirk. “Do you like it when I talk to you like that?” You whimpered, peeking at him as his finger, slick with your arousal, started to circle your clit slowly. You bit your lip, watching him and feeling shy under his intense gaze.

A yelp came from your lips as he suddenly rolled your clit between his fingers roughly. “Answer me, bunny.”

“Y-Yes, daddy,” you gasped, grinding your hips into his hand until his fingers let up.

“So much better, bunny,” he purred. “I want you to use your words for me. You don’t cum without permission. I want to hear you beg for every orgasm like the greedy little slut you are.”

He grinned as you whimpered at his words before gripping your hips roughly and yanking you closer. You watched his tongue peek out between his lips before he dragged it through your folds, ending with a flick to your clit. You gasped out, your hands digging into his sheets as the action sent a jolt of pleasure through your body. He repeated it, drawing moans from your lips as you took in the feeling of his slick tongue and the smooth metal of his stud.

His lips moved to your thigh before his teeth sunk into the soft skin. You yelped, squirming in his grip as he held you still.

“Don’t be ungrateful, bunny.”

You felt your face burn as you gazed down at him. “Th-That feels s-so good, daddy.” Your voice was shaky and it only made him smirk more.

“Doesn’t it, bunny?”

You moaned as he dragged his tongue through your folds again, leaving quick flicks on your clit that built your pleasure further, his teasing and his words moving you closer to your edge than you should have been so soon. His tongue teased at your entrance before dipping inside, holding down your hips as you jolted from the feeling.

“Please, daddy,” you breathed. “Please do that again.”

Seokmin’s fingers dug into your thighs as his tongue dove into your heat. He let out a low groan as his tongue dipped and curled inside of you. Your hips rolled against him as much as he would allow, the pleasure burning inside of you, a tightening in your core. Moans fell from your lips as you started to come undone from the motions of his tongue.

“Fuck, p-please d-don’t stop, daddy,” your voice was whiny between moans as your hips ground against his tongue. Your fingers dug at the sheets and tugged as your thighs trembled and shook. Your breaths came faster as you gazed down at him, his piercing eyes meeting yours as his tongue dove even deeper and he groaned for good measure, the vibrations rocking through your core.

“F-Fuck, I-I-”

You felt Seokmin’s thumb on your clit, moving in smooth circles as he lips pulled back, hot breath fanning out over your core.

“Come on now, bunny. Use your words,” he purred.

“P-Please, please can I cum daddy?” you whined, any shreds of shame you had had been replaced with desperation.

“Not yet, bunny,” he hummed. His tongue plunged back into your heat, his thumb only moving faster over your clit now and as a smirk tugging at his lips and he held you close. You whimpered as the coil in your core only tightened more and your legs shook. You were tettering on your edge and you knew you wouldn’t be able to hold it back much longer.

“Please,” you whimpered breathily. “P-Please I need to cum.”

“Don’t you dare, bunny,” his voice was verging on a growl now but you couldn’t stop the coil from snapping.

You cried out, body shaking and thighs clenching around his head as you released. Waves of bliss crashed over you as Seokmin’s tongue curled into you, lapping up your release, a low groan escaping him from the way you clenched and your juices dripped down his chin. His hand held your hip tightly as the other worked your clit until you were whimpering.

“D-Daddy, it’s t-too, fuck, it’s t-too sensitive,” you whined, trying to twist your hips away from him.

Seokmin’s lips pulled away from you, his tongue quickly being replaced with two fingers fucking into you at a quick pace. You moaned and whimpered, gazing through heavily lidded eyes at his devilish smirk.

“You didn’t ask, bunny,” his tone was close to a growl and it had you clenching around his fingers. “Is my desperate little slut that needy to cum?”

You shook your head tiredly, jolting every time his thumb passed over your sensitive clit.

“I-I couldn’t, f-f-fuck, I h-had t-t-to,” you whimpered.

“For such a pretty little bunny you have such a filthy mouth,” he purred. “And since my little whore needs to cum so badly, you’ll do just that.”

You gasped, your hips bucking up as his lips wrapped around your clit and he sucked harshly. His fingers curled into your heat, searching for the spot that would have you crying out for him. The shaking in your body wouldn’t let up as jolts of pleasure rushed through your body from every movement of his fingers.

“You’re so fucking wet, bunny,” he groaned. “Dripping and so needy for me. I bet you’re just dying for my cock.”

You whined as you clenched around him, pressing your face into the pillows, not willing to admit how much you loved the way he spoke to you.

“Oh, you liked that didn’t you? Is my pretty little slut desperate to be fucked? An orgasm isn’t good enough for you, is it? You want me to take you, you want me to turn you into a mess on my cock.”

Your mouth opened but only whimpers, moans, and gasps made it out. You ground your hips into his fingers desperately, his words bringing you to the edge, making you even more needy.

“P-Please,” you whimpered. “Daddy please, c-can I cum?”

His lips brushed over your clit, speaking before sucking on it harshly. “Cum for me, bunny. Cum for me like the sweet little whore you are.”

Your cried out, your back arching off the bed your hips bucking as your body released. Intense pleasure crashed over you like a wave, sucking you under into a hazy, blissed out state as his fingers kept moving, his tongue and the smooth metal of his stud flicking over your clit and dragging whimpers from your tired body.

“F-F-F-Fuck, s-s-sensitive,” you mumbled, twisting your hips weakly.

“Two orgasms, is my sweet little whore already done?”

You struggled to open your eyes, gazing up at him as his fingers curled into you slowly. Your hazy mind knew he was waiting for a word. And some part of you said you were too tired but your eyes flickered to the bulge in his jeans and back up to his eyes.

“I still w-want your cock, daddy,” you breathed.

His lips curled into a smirk. “That’s what I thought, bunny.”

[heoneyology]

fateful coincidence [1] | l.jh

A/N: does anyone even read my stuff anymore...? anyway, I jokingly told rani (who I can’t even tag anymore or don’t know what blog to tag-) that I should just write my jooheon dreams as fanfics, because then I would at least be writing something instead of being on hiatus. and she took it seriously and said yes. so here we are.

Word Count: 7148

Genre: chaebol/heir!au, slice of life, soft angst, humor? (am I even funny?), romance (slow burn)

Pairing: reader (fem) x lee jooheon (monsta x)

Warnings: mature themes/suggestive, language, there will be... sugar daddy themes... later... but not like sexually idk if this is a warning???

Summary: Lee Jooheon is a well-known heir to a global hotel conglomerate, and is next in line to take over the family business. You’re a journalist aspiring for more, but barely managing to pay your own bills at the end of the month. The two of you are from entirely different worlds, yet fate somehow tangles your threads, and Jooheon seems to know an intriguing amount more about you than he lets on.

“You mean to tell me they just dropped out? Randomly at the last minute like that?”

The voices of your coworkers had been floating around overhead for many minutes longer than you would’ve liked, by now. Why they couldn’t gossip over their coffee delivery somewhere else was beyond you. Why they had to do it at all was further unfathomable. Attempting to push their voices out of your head and concentrate on your work, you rub your temple, squinting at the computer screen in front of you.

“Apparently the journalist got sick and they had no one else to cover from that company. So they called us,” your friend and coworker, Yoo Kihyun, answers the other speaking in his usual matter-of-fact tone.

“It’s tomorrow, though!” The original speaker complains, pressing forward further, “And we’re such a small publication! How can they expect us to take place for the other last minute like this?”

You’re not sure which is louder in your mind, at this point: The complaining of your coworkers—specifically the female senior whose name you’d forgotten—or your typing. With each passing word they utter of annoyance or disbelief, mixed with Kihyun’s logical explanations, the clacking of your fingers against the keyboard beneath your hands quickens, intensifying, before you finally let out a harsh sigh and push yourself away from your desk in frustration. There’s no way for you to concentrate if they’re all going to stand around and gossip like high schoolers.

“Isn’t this good for us, though?” You speak up suddenly, causing the small group to glance over at you in surprise. Typically, you weren’t one to bother with their idle chit-chat breaks. The fact that you were doing so now took them by surprise. Even Kihyun quirks a curious brow at you.

Before you speak up again, you roll your shoulders and give a small stretch. Between their nonsensical worried rambling and your own pile of work, you could physically feel the stress building up in your body. “That they invited us, I mean? As such a small publication?”

In your mind, it made more sense to be excited over being a small publication, taking a larger publication’s place, to any event. Even if it was simply as a fill-in due to a last minute call out—and even if it was a lone instance that may never happen again.

“None of us know anything about the content of the story—how the heck are we supposed to write on it?” The female senior who had been whining up until this point whines once more, and your eyebrows shoot up on your forehead in surprise. Even Kihyun, who is standing next to her, quirks his curiously raised eyebrow back at her instead of you.

Before you can think of the words that pop into your mind, and process them, you blurt out, “And you went to school for journalism?”

As soon as the question falls past your lips, immediately landing heavily into the air of the room, you tense your jaw—realizing just what it was that you said to your senior. But really, how could you go to school for something and refuse to write about it simply because you were unfamiliar with the content?

Next to her, the rest of your coworkers share curious glances. Kihyun presses his lips into a hard line to keep from snickering. Thankfully, rather than say anything, she simply scoffs and stalks off back to her desk. You watch, holding back a grimace by biting down on your lower lip, embarrassed over the slip of your own tongue.

With yet another sigh, you plop back down into your seat. As you do so, the group disperse their coffee gossiping, and you prop your arms on your desk and drop your face into your hands, fingers rubbing your forehead. There was a pounding just beyond your forehead, a mix of stress from work and the unnecessary blabbering that had been filling the workroom just moments ago. But, now, there was an added tension due to a fixation of worry over your lack of filter.

Beside you, the noise of the chair at the desk next to you shifts, signifying Kihyun’s return. At the sound of ice cubes clattering against each other, you lift your face from your hands to see Kihyun giving you a sideways glance, setting an extra cup of coffee on your desk. When you make eye contact with him, he quirks a brow at you, and there’s a sudden urge to smack his eyebrows straight off his face. They’re going to get stuck like that, someday.

“What?”

“You really don’t think before you speak, do you?” He muses, leaning back in his chair and scooting it back to his own work space.

“Tell me something we both don’t know already,” you grumble, reaching for the coffee. Giving the cup a small shake, you watch the ice cubes swirl around within the confines of the plastic amidst the milky brown liquid. “But seriously, how can you go to school for this and then decide just because you don’t know something, you won’t report on it? That defeats the purpose of both the job and the degree…”

“Not everyone has the work ethic you do,” Kihyun replies simply, glancing at you. “Drink the coffee. It should subside the headache. You’re overworking and stressing yourself.”

Surprised, you give Kihyun a dumbfounded blink. “How—?” You start, before cutting yourself off with a small shake of your head. Kihyun was observant, and after years of knowing him, as much as you wanted to ask him how he knew you had a headache and were stressed, it was better not to. It would only lead to him chastising you, anyway. Following his instruction, you lift the straw to your lips and take a sip of the coffee.

Satisfied, you set the coffee back down. It’s your turn to rant, now, similarly to your senior journalist. “Seriously, though, how hard can it be? Isn’t this just an event for the global opening of some hotel? The press probably won’t have any time to ask personalized questions, they typically don’t during those kinds of events.”

Kihyun pulls his gaze away from his work at his own computer, turning back to you. However, before he can answer he blanches. Curious, you glance at him, before glancing over your shoulder to see what exactly he’s staring at. As you turn, a white envelope is simultaneously stuck in your face, and you startle in surprise, practically jumping out of your chair.

“Sh-shit! Team leader!”

Minhyuk, towering above you, gives the envelope a little wave and smirks. “Since you seem so confident about this story, here’s your invite to the event.” Before you have a chance to react, Minhyuk loosens his grip on the envelope, allowing it to fall from his grasp to your lap. You scramble, attempting to catch it as it falls, watching his back as he walks towards his desk. “It’s a black tie event, by the way.”

You feel the color drain from your face, mouth dropping open. “Black… tie…?”

“Is there a problem?” Minhyuk asks, glancing up at you from where he sits at his desk across the room. You clench your jaw, sharing a glance with Kihyun before shaking your head. “Then I expect this to be your best article yet.”

By this point, your jaw is clenched so tight your teeth are grinding together. Letting out a silent sigh through your nose, you turn back to your computer. Slowly, you can feel yourself slump down in your seat further, in defeat.

You really don’t think before you speak, do you? Kihyun’s words echo in your mind, taunting, as you set back to work—heavy with more stress than before.

—

Hours later, you find yourself with your cheek resting against the cool glass of the bus window, blankly staring out at the scenery passing by in a blur. You close your eyes, the movement and slight jostling of the bus making the ache of your head worse. Your head pain hadn’t eased up for the rest of the day, much to your displeasure, and the turmoil of thoughts running through your head hadn’t helped to ease it up in any way, either. You’d ended up straining both your eyes and your mind further by trying to push past the migraine in order to focus on your work, which you suppose had made everything all that much worse.

“I’m too poor for this…” you mumble, dejected. A freaking black tie event that you had no money for. Now, you felt the need to complain as all your coworkers had—except for completely opposite reasons.

“Shouldn’t have opened your mouth.” Next to you, Kihyun is quick to answer.

You lift your head off the cool glass of the window, scowling at Kihyun where he sits next to you, browsing on his phone. “Are you a broken record?”

Lowering his phone, Kihyun lifts his gaze to you before offering a shrug, and you sigh in exasperation. You let your head fall back to the pane of the window with a lack of control, knocking against it, further jostling the pain throbbing in your head.

“Is your headache gone?” Kihyun asks.

“No.”

“And you just—” This time, Kihyun is the one who sighs in exasperation. “Look, I know financially it’s not the best thing to happen to you, but this could be good for your name. And for our company, like you said.”

“I don’t have money to go out and spend on fancy clothing, Kihyun,” you grumble, squinting out the window. The light is starting to hurt.

“It’s not prom season. Just buy a dress and then return it after you wear it.”

As the bus begins to slow, a bus stop nearing ahead, you lift your head off the glass of the window again. You give your head a small shake, pursing your lips. “My moral compass is disappointed in you, but not surprised, that you’d say something like that.”

He chuckles as the bus completely stops, and you gather your bag and stand, squeezing past your legs he tucks in. “Good luck. Text me when you get home.”

You scoff, wrinkling your nose at him. “Why should I text the good for nothing best friend that won’t even go dress shopping with me?”

Though you say this, you both know you’ll text him. Your relationship with Kihyun tended to be a bit of a push and pull, but he was easily the one person you could rely on for anything. And as much as you would quip your words at him, neither of you took it to heart. Kihyun had already made prior plans before this had come about, anyway, and you couldn’t fault him for that.

When you exit the bus, you turn to watch it pull away. Unsurprisingly, Kihyun has scooted toward the window you’d just been occupying, and you give him a small wave before he and the bus are out of sight.

Your head is still pounding, and as you walk up the street a ways in the direction of the mall, you decide it’s probably best to make quick work of this shopping spree considering how the pain hasn’t eased up all day. Neither coffee nor food had helped, and though you knew it was caused by stress—there wasn’t much you could think of that might lessen the stress and ease the headache. You just hoped you’d be able to sleep that night.

Just find a simple dress and go. Anything that will pass for the event, you don’t need to look good.

Of course, that’s much easier said than done. You’re on your fifth store before you find anything that might pass for the type of event you’re headed to. With each store, you watch the prices of the clothing increase. The time of the year means no sales, and because the type of clothing you’re looking for is so specific, it also means that what you’re looking for is bound to be more expensive than usual. Or, rather, at the very least—way out of your budget for the month.

You pull away from a few racks, adding another dress over the small stack draped across your arm. Resigned to your fate, you turn to find a dressing room to sort through the stack you’ve collected. From your peripheral, you realize as you turn someone is walking down the aisle, and you both shift to make room for the other. Without regarding the person, you mumble out an, “excuse me,” out of courtesy as you pass—that is, until a mysterious force of momentum works against you and you don’t pass at all, but rather find yourself stumbling backwards.

Simultaneously, you and the stranger both let out an almost-strangled sound of surprise, and you feel your grip on your clothing articles slip from your grasp, falling to the floor with the hangers clattering against the tile underfoot. Before you join the clothing in your fall, you feel a hand instantly reach out to grab hold of your elbow and steady you. For a brief moment, you glance down at the clothes, before lifting your gaze to the stranger who’d kept you from falling.

In the process of lifting your gaze up to the stranger’s face, you catch sight of the cause of all this—one of the clothing hangers in his arm is linked with one of your dress hangers that had been so abruptly ripped from your grasp. You let out a small exhale of amusement from your nose, before meeting the curious eyes of the man who you’d gotten caught by—or rather, literally caught on.

He quirks a brow at you, clearly having heard your soft laugh.

“S-sorry, I wasn’t—” You stammer out, straightening yourself up and giving a nod towards his arm. “I just thought that was funny.”

“Hm?” The sound stems from the back of his throat, confused, before he blinks down at his arm and breathes out, “Oh… oh—” and then he’s glancing up at you, his round and curiously lit brown eyes suddenly sparkling with a sort of panic. “I’m sorry!”

A chuckle escapes past your lips, more audible than your tiny snort of air from earlier, now amused by his reaction. “It’s fine, it was an accident,” you reply, crouching down to collect the fallen dresses. As you do so, he reaches to his arm to unhook the dress. Before handing it back to you, he eyes it for a moment, gaze flickering briefly to the stack you’d recollected.

“Going to a big event?” He inquires, mild curiosity in his voice. If not for the events that had just transpired, you would have thought him to be prying.

“Thanks,” you murmur, accepting the dress. “Yeah. Technically, it’s for work, but it’s formal and I don’t have anything… fancy or nice.”

The man nods at the dress he’d just given back to you. “That one’s the fanciest, if you ask me. If you’re wanting to spoil yourself a little bit, even though it’s for work.”

While the opinion of a stranger means nothing in particular to you, you still find yourself eyeing the dress he’d returned. It was fancy, you had to agree—but more in a simple, stunning beauty sort of way. With a plunging neckline, the black dress was simple yet elegant. And definitely not something you’d consider your style.

Rather than say that, though, you just give a small smile. “It’s also the most expensive one. I’ve got a budget and this party wasn’t in it until about seven hours ago…” You drape the dress back over your arm, giving the stranger a smile. “Anyway, thanks for your input and thanks for not letting me fall when we got snagged.”

Instantly, he returns your smile, and you’re almost surprised at the deep dimples that break out on his cheeks. “Have a good night. Be careful not to run into anyone else.”

You don’t think anything of the stranger and his dress recommendation until you’re in the dressing room, cycling through the different dresses you’ve chosen and trying them all on. Despite your better judgement, you keep ending up back on that one—the black floor-length dress with the plunging neckline that you thought you’d never be able to pull off, yet somehow hugs the curves of our body almost perfectly. Each time you try it on, you end up grimacing into the mirror and returning to one of the other dresses. It’s not your style. It’s not what you usually wear. But that doesn’t mean it can’t be…

None of the other dresses seem to fit you just as perfectly, and none of them tug on your heartstrings the way that simple black gown does. While you’d already resigned yourself to the fate of going way over budget for the month because of this whole endeavor and your giant mouth speaking out of turn, it takes you almost thirty whole minutes of groaning and grumbling the dressing room, physically pained by the dent this is going to leave in your bank account—before you find yourself at the register checking out, having chosen the black dress anyway.

“Oh,” the girl at the checkout breathes out as you’re busy fumbling through your purse for your wallet. You pay her exclamation no mind, until you hear the next words, “You must be who he was talking about.”

He? Who’s he?

“Huh?” Again, your mouth allows for a dumb reaction to fall past your lips without first thinking it through. You pull your gaze up from your purse to stare at the cashier.

“There was a handsome dimpled man who was here buying a suit earlier, said he ran into a girl who seemed stressed over buying a dress, and that he wanted to pay it forward…”

A moment of silence suspends between the two of you, before you blanch. “Pay it forward?!” You blurt out, voice raising an octave in panic. The girl at the cashier startles in surprise, and you immediately snap your mouth closed and swallow, attempting to calm your panicked heartbeat. “Sorry I just—what?”

Who the hell pays anything forward these days? Let alone for a ball gown? In your chest, you can feel your heartbeat quickening back into a panicked state, and somehow it seems to fall into sync with the throbbing of your headache that you’d almost forgotten was there. The constant pain had slowly fallen into something akin to a static white noise you’d pushed down.

The cashier can’t do anything but shrug at your confusion, fumbling as she works to fold the dress into a box and bag it, pushing it across the counter towards you. She seems to want to be done with you—and honestly, you can’t blame her, after your sudden outburst.

“There’s a gift receipt in the bag if you need to return it.”

You forget to text Kihyun you’ve made it home when you do, too distracted on the bus ride back to remember to do so.

—

You’re relieved, the next day, that the migraine which had been tormenting you for the majority of the day before is gone. You’re also slightly confused, having been so accustomed to the constant throbbing in your head for days now that you’d just assumed it was some sort of karmic punishment you were receiving, for something you’d clearly done and forgotten about. The throbbing just beyond your forehead and eyes had become such a constant, too, that the lack of pressure almost makes you feel, ironically enough, empty. The last thing you really needed was an excuse to dwell on all your stresses with a clear head.

Of course, that being said, Kihyun’s chastising blaring through the speaker of your cell phone is enough to bring the migraine back—or at least threaten to, anyway. Thankfully, it doesn’t, and you grimace as you hold the phone away from your ear, listening to his scolding from afar.

Because of the event and your migraine from the day before, which had been chronic for almost a week now, you’d skipped work. You figured if your job wasn’t going to take care of the expenses for anything else concerning this event, the least they could do was allow you to take the day off to properly prepare, considering how expensive it had gotten. Both of those reasons had led to you taking the day to sleep in, though, until the late afternoon, when you prepped for the evening and got ready. Kihyun had called you just as your cab ride to the venue—the hotel—had ended, and had proceeded to scold you almost immediately after picking up the phone for not only skipping work and worrying him over that and your health, but also for not telling him you’d gotten home safely.

As much as you appreciated his worry as your best friend, a part of you couldn’t help but feel a small bit of annoyance. If he had been so worried, why wait until almost six in the evening to even bother reaching out? When you’d woken up, and even as you were getting ready—going extra lengths to not only style your hair, but put on makeup—Kihyun hadn’t texted or called.

“Ki, can I call you later? Or tomorrow?” You finally place the phone back at your ear, interrupting his ranting, watching others similarly dressed to the nines mingling about in the hotel lobby. Kihyun’s phone call had come at an inopportune time, right when the ribbon cutting ceremony had begun. Now, with the hotel officially open, people were milling about and exploring.

The streets had been crammed upon your arrival, and you’d asked the taxi driver to drop you off a bit of ways down the block, not wanting to deal with the crowds and traffic. It had ended up working to your advantage, since it also meant taking Kihyun’s phone call away from the noise of everything going on, and the cheering that had ensued. You lift your free hand up, glancing down at the delicate watch encircling your wrist. The press event would be starting soon.

“What?” Kihyun’s voice is a bit harsher than usual. What the heck is wrong with him? He’s being a brat.

“I’m already here at the hotel. Since Minhyuk is going to kill me if this isn’t my, ‘best article yet,’ I should probably focus more on my work at hand, don’t you think?” You explain, glancing around the lobby of the hotel.

It’s grand. Fancier than anything you could ever afford to stay at, with marble floors and vaulted ceilings, decor ranging from colors of golds, black, and deep burgundies, and windows that spanned the entirety of the wall up to the ceiling itself. At that moment, it looked more like the home of a conference than the grand hotel that it was, with tables and posters set up explaining the project this specific hotel chain was aiming for—but the small details stood out to you the most.

Before Kihyun can get a word in edgewise, you continue, “I’m sorry if I upset you by not contacting you last night—but a lot happened yesterday and I wasn’t feeling well. I just wanted to rest. If you were so worried, you should have called before now to check up on me.”

You aren’t entirely sure if it’s you being petty, or him—but you hang up before he can fire back, not wanting to spoil the night ahead. Not that you were here to spoil yourself at all. You had work to do, and while you hadn’t needed to be at the ribbon cutting event, the press conference was something you couldn’t skip out on. Especially because of a whiney Kihyun.

Just as you slip your cell phone into the clutch you’d chosen to match your dress, a voice perks your ears. “Was that your boyfriend?”

Despite the vague familiarity of the voice, you still startle in surprise, spinning around on your heel—you hadn’t expected anyone to be eavesdropping on your conversation.

“You—” The word blurts from your mouth in surprise, though this time you manage to catch your tongue before you say anything you might regret, as you had done in the first place to get yourself to where you currently were.

The man from the mall department store stands in front of you, stunning in a plain black suit and white dress shirt. A simple chain encircles his neck just beneath the collar of the shirt, adding a slightly rougher edge to his sleek, professional appearance. There’s a neutral expression on his face, his eyebrows raised at his question aimed toward you and a small, polite smile at the edges of his lips. Despite that, though, his eyes hold a hint of curiosity—something you’d noticed the day before, as well. Maybe it was simply the shape of his eyes, or perhaps the color, but they seemed to be constantly sparkling, alight with unconveyed feelings and expressions of their own.

“No, that wasn’t my boyfriend.” You aren’t entirely sure why you answer him in earnest, especially after he’d gone and bought such an expensive dress for you—a complete stranger. Shouldn’t that typically be a warning sign to head the other way?

“I see you chose the dress, after all,” the man muses, as though reading your mind. Suddenly, his polite smile is broadening into something a little brighter, dimples indenting his cheeks. The sight of the deep impressions causes your heart to pull in your chest. He looks so boyish, you think.

But that’s all the dimples provide to his demeanor, aware of the way his eyes suddenly trail down your form. You become hyper-aware of the way the satin clings to you, and subconsciously scramble to lift your half-open clutch to cover the deep v-neck of the dress. He seems to take the hint of your self-conscious change in demeanor, bringing his eyes back up to meet your gaze—though pausing halfway when he notices that which you had been trading your phone for in your purse.

The way he steps forward, invading your personal bubble, has you tensing—a stark contrast to the comfortable yet shy trade you’d had the day before. His hand reaches up to gingerly trail up the lanyard dangling from your hand, which had fallen from the purse, before tracing over the face of the ID card attached at the end.

“You’re press?” He wonders, before he reads your ID aloud. The way his name falls from your lips causes your heart to lurch into your throat, his voice smooth and honey-like. He lifts his gaze to yours, his dimpled smile broadening. “I’m Jooheon, nice to meet you.”

Jooheon… The name lingers in your mind for a moment, just as he allows his hand to fall from your ID and he steps back. Why does that name sound familiar?

“You should probably head to the conference room, before you’re late.”

“Oh, shit!” His words suddenly spur you out of your thoughts, and the distraction of him in of itself, and you scramble to close your clutch. You had just been annoyed at Kihyun about the possibility of being late to the press conference, and now you were allowing yourself to be distracted by this clearly rich and overly handsome dimpled boy. “I need to go, I’m sorry to rush off like this! Thank you so much for the dress!”

You had wanted to discuss how to pay him back, somehow, but at that moment you find yourself rushing off away from him, instead, pushing yourself through the small clusters of people who block your way. Briefly, in your haste, the thought of if you’ll see him again passes through your mind. What if you didn’t? What if you couldn’t repay him for the dress? Inwardly, you groan, wondering how everything in the span of the last twenty-four hours had become such a confusing mess.

Trying to clear your mind of that specific worry and focus on the task at hand. You flash your press ID at the door before entering the conference hall, trading the lanyard out once more for your phone as you fumble to open a recording app, taking a seat. It happens to be just in time for the first speaker to enter the room, introducing himself as the hotel’s manager. As you listen to the gentleman speak, you idly flip through a pamphlet that had been handed to you on your way in—skimming over the details of the hotel itself, the history of the owners and shareholders and their other hotels, and the overall goal for this specific hotel line as a luxury eco-friendly brand, and more. Having done no specific research before going into this mess, none of the words particularly stick with you in understanding.

“Now, I’d like for you all to give a round of applause for the heir of the line and next CEO, Lee Jooheon—”

Lee Jooheon…

Jooheon…

Your ears instantly perk up, and just as your head snaps up in surprise, the familiar name doing cartwheels in your head, you catch sight of the dress man entering the conference hall with an even more familiar dimpled smile.

“Oh, you have got to be kidding me…” you breathe out.

As he takes center stage, he gives a bow that is met with a round of applause, before he introduces himself. “Thank you all so much for joining me tonight for this event. My father put this project in my hands, and while it’s been challenging at times, it’s also revealed to me the hard work that he’s done through the years to get our hotels to where they are today. Tonight, I’m going to share with you our next global chain of hotels and introduce you to my ideas and the business plan from here onward…”

Jooheon continues to speak, and your phone records idly where you hold it between numb fingers. Similarly, your mind feels almost as numb as your grip does—turning over everything that had happened to you in the last day. You’d told yourself that you wouldn’t spend time thinking about these events, that you had work to focus on. But somehow, the events and your work had intertwined and tangled, and now you weren’t sure what it all meant. Surely, at this point, it wasn’t karma any longer? Right? But you also didn’t believe in weird twists of fate… so how the heck had this domino effect transpired?

You barely pay attention to the press conference, forget to engage and ask your own questions, and find yourself slumped at the hotel’s bar when everything is said and done.

When the bartender steps up to you, you barely lift your head from where it rests in your hand, sudden exhaustion overtaking you. “I need something stronger than that free champagne they’re passing out, please. A rum and coke will do. But make it heavy on the rum.”

“Sure thing.”

“You can put it on my tab,” a sudden familiar voice adds in, and immediately the exhaustion is replaced with a shot of panic straight through your system. You immediately straighten yourself up.

“No,” your voice is firm, and you glance over your shoulder—this time unsurprised by Jooheon’s sudden appearance, hands casually tucked in his suit pockets making his stance reveal just how broad he is. It almost distracts you, before you set your jaw. “We are not putting it on your tab, you’ve already done enough.”

“Does this mean you’re taking back your gratitude for the dress?” Jooheon wonders, stepping forward to claim the seat at the bar next to you. “Did you not like it after all?”

When the bartender sets the glass down in front of you, you’re quick to lift it to your lips and take a drink, wrinkling your nose very slightly at the taste of the rum burning down your throat, before turning to Jooheon.

“No, I’m very grateful for the dress—although my conscience is telling me I shouldn’t be,” you scowl at him. “Why would you even buy this expensive dress for me? For someone you don’t even know? And now you want to pay for my drinks?”

Jooheon frowns, only turning away from you briefly to accept a drink the bartender has set on the countertop for him, before giving you a thoughtful expression. “Is this not how you flirt with someone you find attractive?”

Dumbfounded, you blink at him, trying to process his words. Attractive? It was definitely just the dress… no, that doesn’t make sense, he’s the one who bought the dress before even seeing me in it… You shake your head, taking another drink. Two swigs, and the small glass of rum and coke is gone. You motion to the bartender for another.

“You should slow down a bit.”

Despite his warning, you have no intentions of doing so—especially as an instruction coming from a stranger somehow intent on concerning himself in your affairs. “I need this. I’ve had a hard…” Day? Week? Month? All of the above, really, though the past twenty-four hours have really hit you the hardest.

“Life,” you settle on.

“I can drink to that.” Jooheon raises his glass as another rum and coke is placed in front of you. Though you don’t toast him back in return, you both drink at the same time.

As you lower your glass from your lips, swallowing, you let out a small sigh. “This isn’t how you flirt with anyone.” Although his question has long since passed, you finally give him an answer, turning to look at him. You feel your heart skip in your chest, taking note of the fact that he’s already staring at you intently—as though, since sitting down, he hadn’t taken his eyes off you in the first place. Your next words have him frowning.

“In fact, you shouldn’t even be flirting with me in the first place. I’m just here for my job, nothing more.”

“Is this because you found out who I am?”

Your answer comes quicker than either of you expect, a sharp, “Yes,” exiting your mouth without hesitation. Jooheon raises his brows in surprise, and you purse your lips, staring hard at your drink before deciding you need more of the alcohol in your system, between your stresses of life and the current awkward reality of the situation at hand, lifting the glass to your lips again.

“So you’re telling me, just because I’m a chaebol, just because I’m rich, and just because you’re a journalist—I’m not allowed to flirt with you, or pay for things for you?” Jooheon asks. “Although, I will admit, maybe the dress was a bit out of line. But you seemed stressed and I was feeling generous, I just wanted to help someone. You or otherwise, it could have been anyone yesterday I did that for.”

“That is exactly what I’m saying. But, also, you don’t just go and spend money on random people without knowing them. It’s not common, and can be taken the wrong way.”

Jooheon shrugs. “I don’t really care how people take it.”

The luxuries of being rich, you want to blurt aloud in retaliation. If only you had enough money to splurge and spend on people you knew and didn’t know, otherwise, just because you were simply feeling generous as he was.

“I’m not a charity case,” you mutter, mostly to yourself, pursing your lips and glaring down at your drink.

“You never minded this before,” Jooheon retorts, just as softly, the tone of his voice sulkier than it had been.

Surprised, you blink, glancing up from your drink to stare at him. A small episode of panic has seemed to settle over him, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise—as though he hadn’t meant to say those words aloud. For once in your life, you’re glad it’s not you who has blurted something without thinking, one of your most common traits. But you don’t allow yourself to be too thankful, instead replaying his words in your mind.

You never minded this before. What?

Before you can ask him what he means, Jooheon’s phone rings. Saved by the sound, he mutters out a hasty, “excuse me,” and pulls his phone from his inner jacket pocket, stepping away from the bar to take the call.

Hasty yourself, you take another drink, downing the rest of the rum and coke and waving for another. As the bartender takes your glass away, you turn on the stool to peer at Jooheon, watching his back curiously as he speaks on the phone. His frame has straightened, his broad shoulders taking on a more tense position than they had been while next to you. In fact, sitting at the bar with you, he’d almost seemed comfortable—more than just confident in his surroundings, but rather it was as though he were sitting and sharing a drink with an old friend.

Your mind is reeling thanks to his words. Do you already know each other? Or had you met before? Or perhaps this was a situation that had happened before? No, surely I’d remember a random rich guy splurging some money on me… no, not even surely, you’d definitely remember something like that. As more thoughts swirl in your mind, trying to make sense of the words he’d uttered, you also find yourself beginning to wonder if something is seriously wrong with you. Kihyun had been badgering you to go to a doctor about your constant migraines, the ones that could almost be considered chronic by now—you’d written it off as just stress, telling him it was standard for the job and standard for the unlucky turn of events you were experiencing in life. Perhaps, though, it was actually more?

When Jooheon returns to the bar, phone slipping back into his jacket, you don’t even have a chance to inquire about what he’d said. In fact, you can’t even think of how to formulate the question correctly before he’s snatching the glass in your hand away from you and setting it aside.

“Hey, seriously. Slow down.” When he purses his lips, a faint hint of his dimples appear, and you can’t help but think back to your earlier thought from the night: He looks so boyish. It’s kind of cute.

“Shit,” you blurt aloud, the realization of the thought you’d just had dawning on you. Jooheon’s pursed lips quickly turn into a frown.

“What?”

“I think I’m drunk.” Why you were admitting this to him, of all people—someone you still considered a stranger, someone who was too curious about you, and someone who seemed to know something you didn’t—was beyond you.

Jooheon snorts out a small laugh. “No shit. That’s why I was telling you to slow down. Stress drinking is as bad as drinking with a broken heart, you know.”

You roll your eyes, giving your head a small shake and pushing yourself off the bar stool. You aren’t aware of the toll the alcohol has taken on you, a warmth spreading through your veins like a wildfire, overtaking you—until you find yourself unable to get a decent foothold when you stand. It becomes apparent to you, then, just how much you’d had to drink amidst your bantering with Jooheon. You fully expect to fall face first onto the floor, but instead, you’re surprised to find that Jooheon’s quick reflexes immediately have his arms snaking out to steady you, a hand grabbing at your elbow and another carefully curving around your waist.

The action brings you closer to him, pulled halfway against his chest. You blink, allowing the vertigo that has dizzied your mind in a very airy manner, one that has you feeling warm and content, to settle. Then, you glance up at him, hiccuping in surprise when you realize his proximity and just how close him and his bright brown eyes are. Something in your heart, and stomach, both stir, causing a small burst of adrenaline to push past the surface of the cloudy haze the alcohol has created and make you push him away.

“H-Hey,” he stammers in surprise, keeping an arm on your elbow firmly, refusing to let go in case you lose your balance again. “Be careful. Are you okay?”

“Fine. I’m fine… I just…” Just what? Got nervous? Were you drunk, or did you really have feelings suddenly stirring up for this handsome stranger? If he was even that—a stranger. Nothing made sense, and it made even less sense while fuddled by alcohol. “Jooheon, do I know you?”

Jooheon blinks, meeting your gaze. But besides that simple acknowledgement of your question, he doesn’t react any further. Or rather, he doesn’t turn it into a dramatic like you had expected, mainly at him getting caught uttering those words earlier. Does this mean he’d meant for you to hear that? You’re too out of it to notice the way his eyes briefly flash, before, a half-smile more akin to a smirk pulls at one corner of his lips.

You practically freeze when Jooheon leans forward, your heart stopping in your chest. The vibrating buzz of the alcohol seems to suddenly cease, stilling to silence as Jooheon places his lips to your ear, his breath hot as he whispers, “Rather than that, the question should be—do you really not remember me?”

As he pulls away, his lips find the side of your face—your cheek—pressing a chaste kiss there before he straightens back to his full height. Your heart, suddenly, remembers how to work again and goes into overdrive. If not for his firm hand at your elbow, you’re almost certain your legs would have buckled beneath you.

Jooheon turns away from you then, and you barely register the words he speaks to someone in the distance. “Hoseok, can you take her home?”

When Jooheon turns back to you, he pulls a little white card out of his suit jacket. As he lets go of your elbow, he takes both your hands in his, folding fingers down over the white card he places in your palms and giving your hands a small squeeze. “Tell me when Hoseok gets you home safe, okay?”

You’re too dumbfounded to reply, heart beating rapidly in your chest and echoing loudly in your ears. You’re not even sure you register his words—and, unfortunately, he receives the same treatment as Kihyun the day before—you don’t remember to get the phone number off the business card and text him you made it home, or tell him to thank his bodyguard for helping you all the way up the stairs to your apartment.

Instead, the card buries itself somewhere to the bottom of your clutch, which is discarded immediately as you cross the threshold and mindlessly find your bed, a distant reminder of the events of the night that doesn’t rear its head until two weeks later.

[pajama-nerd]

Part Eight

This could probably have been posted yesterday, or even the day before, but I, uh... I learned about FNAF world...so, uh...yeah, that’s what I did for the last two days.

anyway...

Night 3

**

“Welcome back to another pivotal night of your thriving new career,” HU greeted Jess as the elevator began its descent. She gave a nod and a wave, stifling a yawn as he continued. “Where you get to really ask yourself, what am I doing with my life? What would my friends say, and most importantly, will I ever see my family again?”

Jess snorted, leaning against the side of the elevator.

“We understand the stresses of a new job, and we’re here for you. To help you reach a more stable and relaxing frame of mind, we offer several musical selections to help make this elevator ride as relaxing and therapeutic as possible. We offer contemporary jazz, classical rainforest ambiance as well as a wide selection of other choices,” HU said. She arched an eyebrow as the glitchy keyboard once more appeared, mouth quirking as she wondered what random-ness she might be subjected to tonight. “Using the keypad below, please type the first few letters of the musical selection you would prefer,” HU instructed.

“This should be good,” she muttered, aiming for the ‘H’.

She only typed in one letter when the glitchy keypad deactivated and folded back down into the floor.

“It seems that you had some trouble with the keypad. I see what you were trying to type, and I will auto-correct it for you. Thank you for selecting: Casual Bongos.”

Beach music filtered down from the speakers and Jess smiled a little as she rubbed her eyes. Lord she was tired.

“Now that your elevator experience has been customized to your needs, and you are thoroughly relaxed, it’s worth mentioning that due to your lackluster performance yesterday, your pay has been decreased by a substantial amount,” HU said. Jess scoffed.

“Really, HU?” she asked.

“Please enjoy the rest of your descent,” HU said without acknowledging her. She shook her head and stared at the floor, hooking her thumbs on the straps of the backpack she’d brought with her. She needed to figure out how she was going to proceed once she was down in the facility.

Her first thought was to talk directly to Ballora, but given that the ballerina had attempted to maul her the night before, that was probably inadvisable. She didn’t want to deal with Fun-time Freddy, given that there was nowhere for her to go if he came after her, and talking to him directly kind of defeated the entire purpose of that tape-deck someone had obviously found very necessary to make. She hadn’t dealt with Fun-Time Foxy yet, so best not to tempt fate.

Somehow, she would have to gain entry to Circus Baby’s Auditorium.

After all, Baby was the only one who’d spoken to her so far.

Well, aside from HU, but that hardly counted.

Eventually the elevator stopped and she hit the button with her left hand before getting down and crawling through the entryway vent.

“Due to unforeseen malfunctions from today’s shows, your nightly duties will require you to perform maintenance that you may or may not be skilled enough to perform,” HU said when she emerged in the Primary Control Module. She dusted herself off disinterestedly and smirked wryly at the bag of cleaning supplies she’d left there the night before.

“Is that so,” she said, not really expecting a reply.

“It became necessary for technicians to attempt to disconnect Funtime Freddy’s power module. However, they were unsuccessful. Allowing them to try again would be an inefficient path forward, as we would need to allow six to eight weeks for recovery and physical therapy,” HU informed her. Jess slowly shook her head and regretted a lot about her life.

“Seems perfectly reasonable,” she muttered.

“You will need to reach the Parts and Service room on the other side of Funtime Auditorium to perform the procedure yourself. Let’s check on Ballora first, and make sure she’s on her stage,” HU instructed.

Jess hit the light, blinking at but not really reacting to the sight of pieces of Ballora being held aloft by the Minireenas she performed with.

“Huh,” she mused.

“Great. It looks like everything is as it should be in Ballora Gallery,” HU said, and she gave a single laugh, eyes sliding closed as she shook her head. This guy, she thought to herself. “Let’s check on Funtime Foxy. It’s important to make sure she’s on her stage before entering,” HU added.

“Sure, sure. Wouldn’t want to interrupt anything,” Jess muttered, wiping a hand over her face before reaching for the light. She was looking at the glass when she reached for the button, so she had time to register the shape of two shadows before the light came on to reveal that Fun-Time Foxy was right up against the glass, staring in at her, and right alongside her was a mangled mess of wires and endoskeleton with an almost identical head.

She made weary eye-contact with both of them.

She waved.

They watched.

The light went out.

“Great,” HU said cheerfully. “It looks like everything is as it should be in Fun-Time Auditorium,” he told her.

“Yeah, nothing out of order there,” Jess muttered.

“There is no need to check on Baby tonight. Please refrain from entering unauthorized areas. Proceed directly to Fun-Time Auditorium,” HU said.

Jess’ heart began to sink as the vent to Fun-Time Auditorium opened, but there was a sound to her left, and when she looked, the vent to the Circus Gallery Control Module was open too. She looked back at the glass. The shadows were still there.

“Be with you ladies in a minute,” she said, turning and crawling through the Circus Gallery Vent.

It was completely dark in the Circus Gallery Control Module, and Jess looked up and around for a moment, unslinging her backpack and dropping it by the vent before turning to face the glass.

“Hey,” she said, glancing back at the vent and then up at the ceiling. “Circus Baby, can you hear me?” she asked.

There was no response. Jess took a breath and rubbed her face, stifling a yawn before sighing.

“Real talk, Baby. I found out why you guys were created. It’s awful, and it has to stop, so I’m gonna get you guys out of here. I just...need you to talk to me so we can hash out the details,” she said, leaning closer to the glass and trying to see inside. She considered using the light, but the little panel wasn’t lit, and anyway the light in the Auditorium had never been that helpful.

She stiffened at the sound of a noise coming from the vent and stifled a curse as she knelt down and tucked herself hurriedly into the space under the desk, pulling the metal plate over the opening. Eventually the noise stopped, and she eyed the holes in the plate warily, wondering if this was yet another visit from the freaky plastic babies – what her research had revealed to be called ‘Bidybab’.

“Did you know I was on stage once?”

Jess blinked at the sound of Baby’s voice.

“It wasn’t for very long; only one day. What a wonderful day, though,” Baby said wistfully. “I was in a small room with balloons and a few tables. No one sat at the tables, but children would run in and out. Some were afraid of me; others enjoyed my songs. Music was always coming from somewhere else...down the hall,” Baby went on.

Jess listened very carefully, thinking about the article of the premature closure of Circus Baby’s Pizza World.

“I would always count the children. I’m not sure why. I was always acutely aware of how many there were in the room with me: two, then three, then two, then three, then four, then two, then none,” Baby said.

Individual Entity Tracking, Jess thought, swallowing hard.

“They usually played in groups of two or three. I was covered in glitter. I smelled like birthday cake,” Baby went on happily, before growing more serious. “There were two, then three, then five, then four.”

There was a pause.

“I can do something special. Did you know that? I can make ice cream – although I only did it once...There were four, then three, then two...then one. Something happened when there was one,” Baby said, sounding distant and sad. “A little girl, standing by herself. I was no longer…myself. And I stopped singing. My stomach opened, and there was ice cream,” Baby said. Jess gritted her teeth, closing her eyes with a quiet sigh.

“I couldn’t move; at least, not until she stepped closer,” Baby said.

Because of the ice cream, because what child doesn’t like ice cream? Jess thought, a tiny ember of fury and disgust roiling in her gut.

“There was screaming for a moment – but only for a moment. Then other children rushed in again, but they couldn’t hear her over the sound of their own excitement. I still hear her, sometimes,” Baby said. If she were human, Jess would say she sounded on the verge of tears.

“Why did that happen?” Baby asked, and then fell silent.

Because your creator’s a sick fuck, Baby, that’s why, Jess thought before swallowing to clear the lump from her throat.

“Did she say anything to you?” she asked in the dark. “The girl you...made ice cream for?”

There was silence for a long moment, and Jess stayed still, worried that she might have driven Baby away with the question. But then there was a new voice, younger.

“Don’t tell Daddy I’m here,” the new voice said, and Jess’ stomach dropped. She put a hand over her mouth. “I’ve been wanting to watch the show too. I don’t know why he won’t let me come see you; you’re wonderful! Where did the other children go?” The little girl’s words sent a wave of horror and disgust through Jess. These were the last words of a child whose trust was about to be grossly betrayed. And the truly disgusting part was that it wasn’t just any child. The horror subsided, leaving only rage in its wake.

“Do you know who that was?” she asked, fists clenching despite the pain it caused. There was no answer, but she hadn’t expected one. “Well, I do. I know exactly who that was. Let me lay it out for you,” she said. She turned her body so her back was braced against the back of the console and kicked the metal panel out so that it clattered across the darkened room. She pulled herself out and faced the glass, jaw set in a furious grimace. “William Afton – that’s the guy who created you. He built you. He built you in his house. He built you in the place where his kids lived. And he didn’t say, ‘hey, kiddos, look what daddy’s building: murder-bots! Cool, right?’ No. His kids grew up in a house where their dad made ‘toys’—” Her hands came off the hips they were planted on and made lop-sided, sarcastic finger quotations. “—that they weren’t allowed to play with. They probably asked. They probably asked a lot. ‘Dad’s making toys, but I don’t get to play with them? How come daddy makes toys for other kids but not for me’—I am so fucking mad, right now,” she broke off, taking a deep breath and holding it until the red seeped out of her vision.

“So, Clara – that’s William’s daughter – Clara’s pretty smart. She probably thought to herself, ‘well, daddy’s new toy is going to be at the big party down the block. I’ll just sneak in and see her real quick – no one will know’. That’s why it happened, Baby. Because William Afton was a sick fuck who made you to kidnap and kill kids,” she said, stopping to rub a hand over her face. “This guy – this asshole – made you specifically to kidnap and kill kids and didn’t once think ‘well, hey, maybe I should program in a safety feature to make sure they don’t kidnap and kill my kids’,” she ranted, putting on a pretentious asshole voice before sneering into the dark. ‘What a piece of – I was already going to bust you out of here, but holy shit, I am fucking committed to it now,” she said. She’d begun restlessly pacing side to side in front of the glass, responding to the primal urge to do something. What she would really like to have done is find William Afton and beat his face to a thin red smear, but since that wasn’t an option, pacing would have to suffice.

Except it wasn’t doing much, because the Control Module was tiny width-wise, so she turned to pace length-wise instead and froze.

She wasn’t alone.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7  Part 8 (this one)

[daydividesthenight-blog1]

If You Love Me, Don’t Let Go (SL With @LustByTheHour and @SinfulMyrick)

Del: -The car pulled up in front of the shop, and I got out, telling the driver I’d call him back when I needed him and not to wait for me. I had no idea how long this was going to take. It could have been a few minutes or hours. It all depended on how they reacted to what I had to say.

I did know one thing. I couldn’t go in there half-cocked and fly off the handle. That was the one way to ruin everything before it ever started. I could push them away easily enough. That came naturally to me, to push everyone away. But that had been the way I’d fucked them and me up for the past god only knew how many weeks.

I walked up to the doors, but the first thing I caught was a glimpse of her brilliant crimson hair through the glass moving around on the other side of them. Freezing was my first reaction, but it was the wrong one. The air around me was cold, the wind cutting into my jacket like it was made of tissue paper instead of wool and sending a shiver through my frame that had me rubbing my hands together to get more blood flowing into my fingers. I tried to move, but I couldn’t, not until the little voice of reason in my head was screaming at me not to chicken out and lose everything I needed in one stupid move. I was here for a reason, and that reason was waiting inside.

I took in a deep breath, gathering the little bit of courage I could muster and pushed through the door to the tinkling of bells that signaled someone’s arrival in the shop. I hadn’t been wrong. They were both there, and both heads turned to find me standing there in the entrance as I tried to smile, but only managed to turn up one corner of my face into some sort of expression- Hi…

-I knew that wasn’t enough, wasn’t ever going to be enough, but it was the only thing I could think of to start with. The other words would come, but taking my time here was going to be key to not freaking me or either of them out completely-

Myrick: -I heard the bells that signaled the door opening without looking up from the drawing I was working on atop the counter. I was a little lost in the work, a drawing of Cay as she moved around the shop the colors and swirls of her tattoos and hair slowly taking shape in colored pencil as she let me have glimpses of them with each movement.

I’d taken to spending all my free time here. Things were still tense at the house when and if I would see Del. We’d barely spoken to each other, but I had told him I’d talked to Cay. He just sort of nodded and made some kind of incomprehensible sound before he stalked back upstairs. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I made no secret of where I was going every day or who I was spending time with. I didn’t see any point in it. He could get his act together if he decided to on his own.

It was the sound of Cay’s soft gasp that had my attention moving back up to first her face and then following her gaze back to the door before I heard the nervous sound of his greeting. I knew him well enough to know that he was scared out of his mind. I hadn’t seen him like that very often, but there he was now, wearing one of my scarves and his jacket, standing on the welcome mat as the door slowly closed behind him.

My voice caught in my throat, though I wasn’t certain what I would have said anyway. I just looked back to Cay to gauge her reaction to all of this-

Cay: ^It hadn’t taken much to get Amelia and Cassidy to allow Daddy into the shop when we weren’t open. They both knew that he wasn’t a risk, and would spend most of his time behind the counter drawing. He wouldn’t let me see what he was working on, but I knew. I had been his muse since he had started coming. Cassidy was in love with him. She enjoyed seeing him in the shop because he made me happy.

I hadn’t slid down that slope that took my mind out of things in a while. I still did occasionally, but it was always cancelled out by the knowing look from behind the counter. After we opened up about what we wanted to do, we sat down and just talked about everything. I explained what had happened. I knew better than to leave anything out. I told him about how Amelia and Cassidy wanted to give me the shop. As hard as it was for him to hear, I told him about the lapses I had while working.

I never held any of that against Daddy. He was the only truly innocent party here. I could have gone to him at any minute. He had no clue where to find me. It was something I still felt insanely guilty about on bad days. But those were the days I kept my promise to him. I didn’t let myself drown in my misery, I opened up to him. I told him.

Today had been a good day. There weren’t many customers in the store, but I wasn’t entirely surprised. It was chilly, and getting anywhere was a challenge, at best, in this city. But as the door chimed, I felt the entire day shift. I didn’t want to believe what was standing in front of me. I knew the scarf. It was one I had seen a few times over the past few weeks. Except it hadn’t been draped around the man standing in front of the door. It belonged to the man whose gaze was locked on me.

I almost didn’t hear the nervous “hi” come from Del’s lips. I could feel myself starting to drown in confusion. But I didn’t know why he was here. I didn’t know if he wanted to talk. I didn’t know if he was in to shop for something. The last thing I wanted to assume was that he was here to talk to me or Daddy. I had to be professional, though. I couldn’t let this get the best of me.

Closing my eyes, I took another breath before I let my gaze travel up to his eyes. The words that fell from my lips sounded hollow to my ears, but I knew they needed to be said. I knew how to treat the customers that came in here. There was a reason the doms that came in here loved me. They knew I was respectful. But my voice shook as I tried to get the words out.^ Welcome to The Shoppe. I’m Cay, Sir. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.

Del: -I could hear the tremble in her voice as she spoke and the formality of the words that came from her lips. I had a lot to make up for, and the sound of the greeting she gave me told me all of that without her saying a single thing about it. She didn’t have to.

My fingers were shaking as I moved to take the scarf from around my neck, shrugging the coat off my shoulders and draping them both over my arm. I took a trepidatious step forward, closer to where she stood. Letting out a soft sigh- Cay… -I glanced over to Myrick, not sure which of them I needed to talk to first, or what I needed to say. - Hey, Ricky. -letting out a long breath again- I just… I owe you both an apology.

-I guessed that was the best place to start. Because it was the damn truth. I owed them both a lot more than an apology-

Myrick: -I was still a little dumbstruck as seeing Del enter the room like that. And I still didn’t know what to say. I was scrambling for a reply when he admitted he owed us both an apology, though I wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. I was willing to hear him out, but I was waiting to hear exactly what he was going to say before I made a judgement.-

Listen, Del. I think you have a lot to explain, and I’m willing to let you explain it. I’m listening, but I’m not promising anything.

-That was as generous as I could be in the moment, but my heart was in my throat. I didn’t know what he was going to tell me or how I was going to be able to wrap my head around it.-

Cay: ^I knew this wasn’t going to be as easy as getting an apology. There was more to it. We needed explanations. Both of us. And I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to hear what he needed to say to Daddy. But I knew the truth. Whatever was going to come from Del’s mouth was going to create a problem.

I had been good about closing off the wall of feelings I had. I didn’t let Daddy see them. I tried to keep them to myself. I didn’t want Daddy thinking I ever was settling. I wasn’t, and I never had. It was a different way of being complete. It was something I liked. I trusted in what Daddy was giving me. Because I knew to him, it wasn’t about the sex or the control. It was making sure I was in a safe place to give up the control.

I knew with Daddy that there didn’t have to be sex. I could ask for a night of just cuddles, and he would absolutely respect that. With Del, I feared what I would be used for. And being used wasn’t something I could afford.

Taking a breath, I looked at the floor and started to make my way towards the back. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here while the two of them were talking. I didn’t want to know what I had screwed up with the two of them. Daddy would just tell me I did nothing wrong. Del, who knew. But the truth ran through my mind more than enough times. If I had just stayed at the club, none of this would have happened. My voice was soft as I tried to choke the words out.^ I’ll give the two of you a minute.

Del: -I could hear the sound in her voice, the one that was saying everything to her that my mind had been saying to me over the past few weeks. And that was the last fucking thing I wanted. I wanted her to know how much I needed her, and I didn’t know if I needed to ask her to stay or let her go. I did know that her going was the last thing I wanted to happen.- No, please stay, Cay. I… I need to talk to both of you.

-I wanted to walk over to her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react, so I just left her be over on the other side of the room. I needed them both closer. This talking out loud across the shelves and racks in the shop was more than I could take. I had to be able to look both of them in the eyes and tell them what I had to say.

I was taking a huge chance here, and I could only hope that it turned out the way I needed it to, that I hadn’t fucked it up past all repair.-

Myrick: -My eyes were dancing back and forth between the two of them like watching a tennis match, waiting to see what was going to happen before I stepped in and spoke, but something told me I needed to speak up or the two of them were never going to get themselves together. Resting my hands on the glass counter top, my stool slid across the tiled floor with an odd scraping sound before I had room to stand up and walk around to the other side of the counter, with a long glance at Cay-

Baby Love, why don’t you go close up shop for awhile and we can talk without being interrupted. I think we’ve all got a lot to say, and no one else needs to walk in on the middle of this. It’s almost time anyhow. A few minutes early won’t matter.

-I tried to offer her a reassuring smile. I knew I needed it as much as she did. I had no idea what was coming, but I had my fingers crossed it wasn’t going to be some of the wrecking ball style stuff that Del was famous for.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head and slowly moved to flip the sign on the door and slid the lock closed. Daddy was right, and there was no arguing with him. I didn’t know where we were going, but I almost didn’t want to know. Because I knew what was standing right in front of me. And I was fucking terrified. Taking the widest path possible, I moved behind the counter and pressed myself as close to Daddy as I could.

I wasn’t even sure how to react. I felt like I had lost the ability to speak. I knew there was more I needed to do after all of this was discussed, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything. It all boiled down to what Del was about to say.

But I needed him to know what Daddy had done for me in the short time we had been together. I needed him to understand what kind of position I was in because of what we had both done.^ I was a wreck before Daddy came to me. I could barely keep my focus at work. And because of that, I didn’t get an amazing opportunity that I should have. I’ve never been boy crazy. I’ve never felt like I needed a guy to make my life worth living. But then I met you and, in turn, Daddy.

I disappeared from Daddy’s life. I barely felt worthy of having that night with you. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved that morning with Daddy. When you never came back, I felt justified in my feelings. You didn’t come back because I wasn’t good enough for you. I was never going to be the sub you wanted or needed. I couldn’t handle you. That was everything I thought. I beat myself up for weeks trying to believe that I could move on. That it wasn’t me. But that feeling isn’t an easy one to shake.

^Shaking my head, I could already feel all the frustration and fear rolling through my body. This wasn’t easy to talk about, and it was technically a violation of one of Daddy’s rules. But I always told him that I would come to him when I was feeling down. We would talk about it. Even if it turned into me crying hysterically because I wasn’t enough. Turning my head to Daddy, I let my voice drop to a whisper. A soft moment for the two of us where I knew my own mind was going to get the best of me.^ This is going to send me down a slippery hill, Daddy. And I’m going to struggle. Please don’t punish me if I go too far.

Myrick: -I leaned in to her, tightening my arm around Cay’s waist as she whispered. I knew she was protecting herself the best she could, and I wasn't going to hold that against her. Neither of us knew what to expect out of Del right now and the way she felt about him was precarious at best. She tried not to let me see, but I knew without her talking.  I didn't hold her feelings for him against her, either. She couldn't help them. Hell, my own feelings about him were confusing the life out of me at the moment- it's ok, Baby Love. Just do what you need to do. I'm not going to punish you when you need holding.

-I straightened up to look over to Del, though I kept her curled into my side. He needed to hear what he'd done and the fallout that had resulted from it all. Del did so many things without thinking of anyone but himself. The fact that he was even here now apologizing was amazing, but it wasn't enough- You could have at least told me where to find her, Del. Jesus. -letting out a frustrated sigh- I didn't know. I know you're clearly going through something right now, where you've decided that you don't get to be happy, but I guess that means no one else gets to be happy either. -I didn't know what else to say to him. He was selfish, but he was here  I had to give him credit for that- At least you came. So let's hear your reasoning.

Del. -I listened to everything the two of them had to say to me, letting Cay have her moment to curl into Myrick’s side and call him Daddy. It was frankly nice to see. Ricky deserved that kind of thing, and had for a damned long time. I laid my coat across the counter top and slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans- Because I don't deserve what the two of you have over there. At least not in my mind. I never have. I fucking want it, more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life. And that's why I'm here. -I leaned against the counter and took in a shaky breath. I was scared stupid right now, and I wanted to make sure I didn't screw this up any more than I already had- I fucked up. Okay? I know that. I got scared and I hid from everyone and everything. I'm an idiot. And I probably messed everything up. I'm not dumb or cocky enough to waltz in here and think everything is forgiven or that either of you would even want me in your life after the way I've behaved. I wouldn't blame you for never talking to me again.

-fingers jingling the change in my pocket as I tried to focus. I knew I was babbling and I could feel myself sinking with every admission of how bad I'd messed everything up- I was miserable. And it was my own fault. I'm sorry if I made either of you feel even a quarter of how bad I felt. And it was all my fault. All I had to do was be honest with myself and with the two of you. And to be honest, I'm terrified. I'm terrified at how happy I could be. Because of I'm not happy then I don't have a damned thing to lose. But now, I have everything to lose.

-I looked down at the floor before I could chance a glance up at the two of them. I wasn't even half done with everything I needed to tell them, but I needed to give them a chance to reply. And I had to just breathe for a minute-

Cay: ^I could feel my blood boil at his words. There was one sorry in that entire exchange, and it wasn’t even the most important sorry. It was for making us miserable. That was it. Because it had to be all about Del. It was a trend I was very quickly picking up on. I should have held my tongue. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen, but I couldn’t stand here and let him get away with this. It wasn’t all about him.^

In that entire speech, you said you were sorry one time. You said you were sorry if we were as miserable as you were. So your apology was still self centered. You didn’t apologize to me for losing out on owning a shop I love and put every waking moment into. You didn’t apologize to Daddy for not giving him the information he needed to come after me. Of all the people to apologize to, he deserves it the most. I have spent days and nights apologizing for not coming to him. For waiting for him to come to me. And I owe my boss the world for sending him here. Because she knew how miserable I was. She recognized that Myrick was the only innocent one in this entire situation.

^My hands were fists as I spoke. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream. The only thing that kept me grounded was Daddy. I could tolerate a half assed apology to me. I had as much reason to apologize to Del for doing the same thing. But Daddy? Daddy never deserved any of this. I hurt more for him than I hurt for myself.^

You dropped a bomb on him. On a man that struggled to accept what he was as a Daddy already. A man who spent his entire life being groomed for the white picket fence life. And then you walked away. You didn’t say a word. You never gave him a chance to say a word. You avoided him like the plague. You didn’t give him the time of day to understand what was going on in your head. You shut yourself off. Why should I listen? Why should I accept an apology that was self centered? Why should I try to understand what happened? You clearly aren’t trying to understand what happened with either of us individually.

Del: -I heard every word of what she was saying, and none of it was wrong. I was selfish, and self-centered, which was exactly why I didn’t deserve either of them. I’d even fucked up my apology- I’m here, Cay… I came to listen, even if it’s not a skill I’m very comfortable with or good at right now. I’m sorry. You both deserve a hell of a lot better than that, a hell of a lot better than me. And you’re right. Ricky… -I turned to my roommate, offering him the most apologetic look I could muster- You didn’t deserve any of this. You’re worlds better than I will ever be. I know the shit you’ve been through, I was there for most of it, and I still went through the whole damn situation like a bull in a china shop. I’m shitty friend.

-looking over at Cay just in front of him, but smaller so that he could nearly rest his chin on her head- I’m a shitty everything. I’m even shit at apologizing. I’m trying here, though. And I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to give me credit for trying. But he can tell you, I’ve never done anything like this before. And you were right, Amelia is a saint. She’s the only one of us who had enough sense to try fixing the mess I made. I owe her a lot. Even if the two of you decide I’m not worth it.

I know I’m selfish and self-centered. I’ve only been thinking of me for all of my damn life. But that’s not what I want for now. What I want is to think about someone else for the first time in my life. I want to think about you… -looking back up to Myrick- Both of you. And I know that’s a lot to take in Ricky. I know I dropped a bomb in your lap. I know I’m dropping another. And I know it’s going to take a lot of time for us to figure this out, if you two even want to. I just need you to know that I want to.

-takes my hands out of my pockets to thread my fingers together and study my palms for a long moment before I could look up at the two of them. I didn’t deserve to even be here right now. I shouldn’t have barged in on their day unannounced like this, but I was what I was.-

Myrick: -I was just kind of dumbstruck while everything was going down. Cay moved from my side to being in front of me and I rested my hands at her waist, pulling her back into my chest as she leaned forward and let what had been boiling in her mind fly. I could tell there was more there, but she was spent for now. I agreed with everything she said, even though coming to my defense was unnecessary. I was far more worried about her and how all of this had made her feel.

When he started talking, I just froze. I didn’t know what to make of any of this. I’d kind of wiped the whole kiss out of my mind since it happened. I’d chalked it up to something random he decided to do in the heat of the moment. I hadn’t really thought he’d meant it. Though, I had to admit that when I didn’t consciously push it to the back of my mind it popped up unbidden more often than I would admit.

Cay wasn’t wrong when she said I was ill prepared for all of this. My entire upbringing had been getting me ready for law school, to live my parents’ life just like they had. None of this was in the cards for me until it was. Del was the reason for all of that. He’d been the only one to give me the room to figure myself out back then, and as much as he’d been an ass lately, I thought I owed him that much-

Listen, Del. I don’t know what to think. I haven’t for awhile. I know that Cay makes me happy, happier than I’ve been probably ever in my life, and I’m never going to let that go. -I pulled her back in close to me- This is all crazy. Maybe I’m crazy. I’m willing to talk, to try to figure all of this out, if she is. But you fucked up this time, almost past the point of no return.

-I had no idea how I was going to wrap my head around all of this. I’d only said I was willing to talk. I was still so confused about the whole situation involving him. I wasn’t jealous of Cay’s feelings for him. I understood that. I was confused about my feelings for him. Until now, we’d been friends. Things were easy to navigate as friends. This added a whole new dimension to things, one I wasn’t familiar with. It took me out of my hard-won comfort zone and into a whole different place. I had to wrap my head around it, and it wasn’t something I was sure I was going to be able to do-

Cay: ^I didn’t exactly want to listen. I was beyond furious. I didn’t have to. I knew that. I could tell them both that I couldn’t do this and go count the tills. The only thing I could do, right now, was take a breath. I had to stop being irrational. I needed to not fly off the handle. There was absolutely a proper way to do everything. Yelling and screaming at Del was not one of those things.

I hated that he was getting under my skin. I wanted everything to go away. But I couldn’t deny the truth. There was a pull there that I couldn’t deny. And Del was right about one thing. Things felt right when I was with both of them. Granted, being with both of them together was something I still couldn’t begin to think about. I wasn’t going to put Daddy in that place.

But I owed it to Daddy to let Del explain things. We all needed to talk. We needed to figure out where this was going to lead us. Even if we didn’t have an answer tonight, we could at the very least have all of our cards on the table. This wasn’t going to be about me choosing one over the other. If the decision came to that, I knew the answer. But it wasn’t something I wanted to have to do.^ We can stay down here or we can go up to my apartment. Whichever option you feel the most comfortable with. We should talk this out. Responsibly. And without my temper getting into the way.

Del: -I glanced around the shop, taking it in. It was weird to be down here talking all this out with these two. Everything felt like a barrier, standing in between us, something to hide behind, and I was done hiding. Myrick was being forgiving and graceful, like I knew he would be. He would forgive me even when I was wrong, even when I didn’t apologize. It was in his nature, and probably part of the reason I was as spoiled and selfish as I was. I had a friend who made it easy for me.

Cay, on the other hand, wasn’t going to make this easy at all. That was probably exactly what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. But I knew the two of them were worth the work- Alright, I think we should go upstairs. It might seem a little less weird…

-my hands and shoulders went up in a half shrug- I don’t know. This is awkward, and I know that’s my fault. I just want you two to be as comfortable as possible, so I guess upstairs would be better. I promise to talk this out rationally. I’m not going to lose my cool, but if you do, then I understand. I deserve that too.

-I tried to look Cay in the eye, and I could see that she was raging. I was hoping I didn’t get punched, but that would have been understandable too. Myrick was really all that was holding her back from coming at me full force. She wanted him happy, I could tell by everything she said. And he wanted her happy. It was nice to see if you didn’t also account for the fact that I was keeping that from happening-

Myrick: -my fingers found Cay’s hand, threading between hers to hold her hand in mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze and moved to her side, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead then whisper in her ear- Come on, let’s go upstairs and at least get comfortable while we talk. We have a lot to talk about and standing here in the middle of the shop is not the place for this. -stealing another gentle kiss before I straightened up and glanced up at Del.

I didn’t really have anything to say to him down here. More than anything, I wanted to hear what he had to say to Cay. I’d deal with my issues when we figured out what we were doing, because at this point I honestly had no clue.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head before looking back at the register. I knew what I needed to do before I went up with them. I had to be somewhat responsible. Even if this was going to lead to a downward spiral, I had to be smart with the shop.^ Take him up, Daddy? I need to get the till in the safe. Even if I don’t come back to it tonight, I need to get it into the safe. I can’t risk it.

^With a nod from Daddy, I watched the two men go up the stairs. I knew I wasn’t going to balance the money right now. I couldn’t leave them upstairs alone. But I did need to take a minute to gather my thoughts. As I pulled the till from the register, I thought about what was about to happen.

I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the situation at hand. I wasn’t even sure how to handle Del showing up. I didn’t know how I’d react if he had shown up while I was alone. I would have fallen to pieces. There was no doubt in my mind. I felt my stomach start to turn as I punched the code into the safe to open it. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with me, but I couldn’t afford for the nerves to get the best of me.

Slamming the safe shut, I made sure the store was locked and dark before setting the alarm. I quickly made my way up the stairs. With another flop of my stomach, I stood outside of my apartment. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to potentially lose Daddy. I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind with everything. I didn’t know how he felt about Del. And my own feelings weren’t even on the table to be opened up. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

Taking one more slow breath, I let my hand fall on the doorknob before twisting it and pushing the door open. I wasn’t surprised to find both men sitting there in silence. It seemed this talk was going to be with me or not at all. Quickly moving to the couch, I forced myself into Daddy’s arms. I needed the safety and security that he gave. I wasn’t sure I could do this.^

Myrick: -Leading Del up the stairs to the little apartment behind and above the store was an automatic path for me. I’d been up here dozens of times since I finally found her again, but it was strange to have someone else who wasn’t Cay in tow. All of this was strange. I had no idea how to process what was going on. I wanted to let Del have his say, to let him get out whatever was obviously weighing heavily on his chest.

I hadn’t seen him this repentant or this clearly beaten down since I’d met him. And I hadn’t seen Cay this terrified since I’d met her. I wasn’t sure how to handle this. Sitting in silence while we waited for her to come up from downstairs was the only thing I could think of, because I literally had no idea what to say.

My heart thumped against the inside of my chest when she walked in and immediately curled into my lap, my arms going around her to pull her close and keep her there. It was what she needed. I knew it just from the look in her eyes. She needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere no matter what happened right now. I leaned in close just for her, whispering against the shell of her ear- This doesn’t change how I feel about you at all, Baby Love. Nothing here does. I’m here until you tell me to go.

-The words were soft, quiet, just a breath against her skin and meant only for her. I gave her that moment, just letting the heat from my skin soak into hers as she slightly relaxed into my embrace before I even acknowledged that he was there- Alright, Del. Whatever you have to say, say it.

Del: -It had been a mercy that things were silent when we walked up the stairs and settled down into the two chairs. Cay walking in had only interrupted that for a moment, and then the awkward silence settled back into place while I let them have their moment. I had no damned idea what I was doing here. I had no clue what I was going to say. I was pretty sure I was going to fuck this up as badly as I had fucked everything else up since the day I started making decisions for myself.

Where was I going to start? I didn’t even know what to tell myself. How do I explain all of this? I started to talk four times, getting a half a word out before starting over as it choked itself into silence in my throat. Finally, I just threw my hands in my lap. There was nothing else to do except throw it out there.- God, I’m a selfish fuck. But your friend, Amelia… she’s a smart woman. Smarter than I’ll ever fucking be. She had me figured out from the minute I opened my mouth. I couldn’t hide shit from her, not even shit I was hiding from myself. -I realized I was babbling, that the two of them would have no real idea what I was talking about, so I started over, back to the beginning of all of this.- Cay, when I walked up to you in the club, I had no idea what I was getting into, none. I thought it was a thing, fun but nothing serious, and then you happened. I don’t know how. I’ve always been the guy who walked away from anything before it got serious, before anyone go feelings involved. But, fuck me, I had feelings for you from the minute your lips hit mine. You can ask him, I don’t fall asleep with people. It’s not my thing. People fall asleep in my bed, and I wind up on the couch or just don’t sleep at all, and then you came along. All I fucking wanted was to wake up with that red hair spread across my pillows or chest or whatever the hell else you wanted to rest your head on. -It was pouring out of me now. After holding back so long, the pressure built up until it was like a dam breaking, words spewing out and telling them everything I’d been afraid to say to even myself-

And then the next damned morning, when I walked downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, there the two of you were, splayed out across the kitchen counter like some kind of crazy wet dream. I wasn’t even upset, cause it was probably the second hottest thing that has even run through my mind. I’m not going to lie.

And it was only the second hottest thing because the first was the same damn situation with me in the middle. -I studied my hands carefully while I let the rest come out. I didn’t have it in me to look Myrick in the eye while I was talking- And no it’s not just about that. It’s not just about the sex. Sex is easy. It’s just an act. The thing that hit me hard, the thing that had me walking across the kitchen to plant that kiss on Daddy over there… -I took a breath, not sure if I should go on but damned certain I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to- I saw a whole hell of a lot more than that. I’m an asshole, but I want both of you. I can’t and I won’t lie and say I don’t. I’m not stupid enough to think I’ll get it, but it’s the first thing I’ve ever really wanted that wasn’t 100% selfish. Maybe that sounds stupid, because wanting to have two people instead of one is probably the definition of selfish, but I want the two of you happy. If that means happy without me, then that’s what it is. I know you found each other. I’m glad you did. -I took a breath finally, now that my lungs were burning from lack of oxygen with the words that had come all in one long exhale. Chancing a glance up at Cay first. I was less scared of her reaction to this than Myrick’s. She could slap me or yell at me again. I deserved both of those. I was entirely afraid I’d broken him though. I couldn’t bring myself to even try to see-

He deserves happy, and he needs you. -biting down on my lip- He’s been through a lot of bullshit. I was probably part of that bullshit. And like I said. I want you happy. Both of you. Whether I get to be part of that or not. But fuck do I ever want to be part of that. -I glanced away, back down to my hands when I felt the corners of my eyes sting and my throat close up-

Cay: ^I could hear the words echoing in my head. “I want you to be happy.” I was. And the road to get here wasn’t easy. I had already been through so much. My self worth had taken hit after hit with Del. And here he was telling me that he wanted nothing more than me and Daddy to be happy. How was I supposed to react to that?^

Amelia is responsible for a lot of things. But how many weeks ago did she come to you? Should I assume that it was the same time that Myrick came to me? I thought she beat sense into you. I thought she saw you in a way that no one else saw you. But you still took this much time to come to both of us? I don’t know the answer here, Del. I don’t know what to say.

^I took a breath before looking up at Daddy. There was a lot I needed to say, and I had to be honest. The worst part was that I knew that, one way or another, someone was going to be hurt. In reality, they were both going to be hurt. But I couldn’t just sit on this. I couldn’t tell him that he was an asshole for hiding his feelings when I was doing the same. But I needed to have Daddy be okay with this.^

There is nothing I want more than to be sandwiched between the two of you. To submit to both of you is probably one of the hottest things I can imagine. I’ve wanted you from the moment you walked up to me. I’ve wanted someone like you for awhile. And then I met Daddy. And he gave me something that you haven’t been willing to give me. He doesn’t shut me out. He doesn’t hide from me. We talk things through. I take his rules into consideration with every move I make. But if he can’t do this, I’m with him. He came to me first. He showed me that he cared. And he’s the one that we screwed over by hiding. But he’s the one that protects me. He’s the one who makes sure I don’t feel like I’m nothing. I’m constantly reminded that I’m lucky he still wants me after I ran from him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Del: -I was fighting the urge to just give up and walk away, because I was pretty sure I was going to be the one who would end up getting hurt here, and I was pretty sure I deserved it. But I needed to stay here. I had to fight for it, even if that meant fighting with Cay and Myrick.- It was weeks. Yeah, it was the same day. And fuck me if I didn’t screw up. That’s why I’m here, to admit I’m a god damned fuck up. He’s worlds better than me. I’ve always known that. Thanks for reminding me. -I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. The last thing I needed right now was to go off on Cay, even though I could hear the blood rushing through my ears and feel the heat rising up from the collar of my shirt through my neck-

I don’t know what to tell you to say. I’m a fuck up. Tell me to leave. I’ll leave. I’ll walk away right now and let the two of you have it. You won’t ever see me again if that’s the way you want it. -I somehow found the courage to look over at Myrick. I could see he was dumbfounded, but this was as much for him as it was for her- That goes for both of you. I’m not going to kick you out, Ricky. You know that’s not my style, but I’ll leave the city. I’ll go back to Vegas. I don’t want to, but I will. I’d much rather stay, and try to fight for a chance to have something I probably don’t and won’t ever deserve.

I’m lucky you haven’t kicked me out already. -I took a deep breath in, letting it out in one long, shaky exhale.- I don’t know how to convince you to let me try. I didn’t come. I was scared. I was stupid. She came, and what she saw I don’t know. I don’t see it.

Myrick: -Del was babbling, and I was sitting here trying to process everything. I needed to figure out how to protect the girl in my lap from any of the fallout from this first. She was my top priority in all of this. Even if I never figured out how I felt about any of it, I wanted to know how she felt about it.

She wanted this. I knew that. I’d always known that. Del was an idiot for sabotaging that for himself. Some part of me just wanted to open up and tell them both to quit fighting it and just give up already. It was probably inevitable. It didn’t bother me that she wanted him. I was happy just to be able to have the piece of her that I had-

Hey, you two… -I knew my voice was soft, but that it carried. I kept my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest- Just know this. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. Whatever the two of you decide. I honestly have no clue what to tell you about how I feel about you, Del. I’m confused. I’ve been confused for weeks. I’ll figure it out, but it’ll take time either way. I know how I feel about her. And I’m going to protect her from everything I can. If you’re not serious about this, walk away. She can’t do this if you’re not.

-I leaned in closer and brushed a kiss across Cay’s cheek- Baby Love, whatever you say to him changes nothing between us. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to lose me, and we’re not going to lose this. I promise you. But I know how you feel about him. And I know that something in you is never going to be able to move on unless you give him a chance. That’s ok with me. I need you happy.

Cay: ^He needed me happy. Did I truly deserve to be happy after everything I had put him through? Yet, here he was. Sacrificing what he wanted to give me something I wanted. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work. But I needed him to know that this was never something I was going to take for granted. He needed to know exactly what I felt for him. As the tears started to prick my eyes, I turned so I was looking only at my Daddy. I wasn’t sure if this was the right moment for it, but it needed to be said. My words were only for him, but it didn’t matter if Del heard them. They affected him just as much.^ You make me happy. And while you know that I have feelings for him, I’m in love with you. I can’t do this unless you’re okay with it.

^The subtle nod of Daddy’s head gave me some kind of strength. I needed to address this before I let anything go any further. There was so much going through my head that I wasn’t sure where to begin. But I knew what I wanted to say. I also knew that if I didn’t think everything through, I wasn’t going to give myself the chance to talk myself out of things. Turning away from Daddy, I pegged the man across from me with a stare.

All of this wasn’t just about giving him what he wanted. It was giving the three of us a chance to explore what this was, and if there was a reason to let it grow. But it was also something that could destroy all of us. I couldn’t risk it. I needed everything to be on the table. I needed my rules to be on the table.^ I want to try with you. I want to be the most selfish girl in the world. I want to have a Daddy and a Sir. I want both of you. And I would be lying if I said I didn’t want the two of you to try something together. But I won’t push Daddy into it. If this is what he’s okay with, than this is what we did.

You cannot run. There is no option of running. This isn’t a relationship that will survive if any one of us runs. You cannot shut us out. You can’t shut me out. You can’t shut him out. Because the two of you are going to need to figure out how all of this works. I can be told when and where to be, but the two of you need to work it out. Daddy knows my limitations. Especially since I run a business.

^Looking at the ground, I wasn’t sure how the next part of this would go. I knew what I wanted to say, but I knew Del would beat himself up over all of it. But again, communication was the key to everything here. I couldn’t lie to him about what I needed. I needed this before we could take a step into a playroom.^ We also can’t go into a playroom. Not yet. We need to start from scratch. We need to establish a relationship. I need to trust you again before we take that step. You have to prove to me that this isn’t just about wanting a sub. You claim to want me and Daddy in a way you have never wanted anyone else, so prove it. Show me that I’m not just a hole to stick your dick into.

Myrick: -I just sat and listened, shocked for a moment, but pleasantly so at the words that came out of Cay’s mouth. She had a point, and she was making it eloquently enough. She wasn’t asking for too much, and as much as she was insistent that she was selfish, I saw it as anything but. She didn’t have to give him a chance; she didn’t have to give me a chance either. She could have been selfish and kept herself away from both of us. Instead, she was willing to share herself with both of us. I didn’t think now was the time to tell her so though.

Instead, I leaned in and whispered against her ear as she waited for Del to reply- I love you, too. -tightening my arms around her and pulling her back into my chest again. I hadn’t said those words to anyone in that context in years. No one I had dated, not the last sub I’d worked with, no one, not since my first girlfriend in college when I went and got my heart broken and handed back to me in pieces before I knew what I was doing. This was different than any of that.

I didn’t know how this was going to end, but I hoped it ended for the better. There was every possibility that we were all going to end up hurt, but there was also every possibility that we were all going to end up happy. Right now, the next part of this was all in Del’s hands.-

Del: -Cay was right. There was no denying that. At least she was giving me a chance. I’d just been waiting for her to kick me out all this time. I wouldn’t have blamed her. It was well within what she would have been right to do. I just had my fingers crossed for more. She was laying her rules for this relationship out on the line. I’d lived in the whole BDSM world long enough to be used to rules, only I was the one who was usually laying out rules. Not that I’d had anyone who I’d spent enough time around to have a standing set of rules with anyone, and the more that I thought about it, the more I understood her point. I wasn’t reliable, at least I hadn’t proven myself to be. And trust was everything in what we were going in to. I had to give her a reason to trust me.-

Then we take our time. I’m willing to do it. I want this; I didn’t lie about that. And you’re far from just a hole to stick anything in. If it takes time for you to understand that, then we take however long you need. You’re worth it. -glancing over at Myrick- You’re both worth it. And if you never decide I’m there, then at least I got the chance. That’s more than I should ask for.  

Cay: ^I couldn’t help the small smile that was tugging at my lips as Daddy told me he loved me, too. It wasn’t a sentiment I had ever experienced. But to have it with him was everything to me. I wanted to cry, but I refused to show that kind of weakness. Besides, it hadn’t ever been something I did. I didn’t cry about things. That was a useless thing to do.

I nodded my head as Del spoke his peace. He was willing to go there for me. He was going to do something that he probably hadn’t ever done. He was putting everything aside to give me the chance to get comfortable with him. To trust him again. He was giving into my rules. Taking a breath, I gave him a small smile.^ I’m giving you a chance, Sir. Please don’t let me down.

^I let out an audible groan as my stomach let out a growl. I hadn’t exactly eaten all day. The shop had been busier than normal, and I didn’t want to leave Daddy alone in case someone showed up. But as the minutes passed, I knew what I wanted. It was going to be a hike, but I could have Daddy go grab it while I was counting the drawers. Grabbing the closest piece of paper, I quickly wrote down an order of fried wontons, beef udon, and the mongolian beef dinner special my favorite Thai place had. Holding the paper out to Daddy, I turned my attention back to the man in front of me.^ Can Daddy and I have the night to discuss things? Just so we can set boundaries in our relationship where you are concerned, Sir?

Del: -After expecting to be thrown out since I walked into the place, being asked to leave so they could discuss things was a nice relief. It wasn't forever. It was for one night- You absolutely can. But if he's okay with it, I'd like us to all spend some time together soon. -slides my hands into my pockets nervously before I realize I have to grab my coat and the scarf I stole before I can make an exit. My hands fumble out of the pockets and somehow find their way into the sleeves of the coat I brought without much incident, draping the scarf across my shoulders while my hands still grip the tails that drape across my chest.- I just… I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. -nodding before I make my goodbyes and walk myself down to the front door-

Myrick: -I pocketed the order knowing exactly what she was asking for as I made my way to the stairs behind Del, pausing for only a moment to steal a kiss from Cay before I follow him down- I love you, Baby Love. I'll be back soon. -fingers brushing her hair back behind one ear before I go to let him out the door.

We didn't speak.  I wasn't sure if it was because we'd said everything that there was to be said or because neither of us quite knew what to say to the other. I knew how to unlock the door and let him out, and how to lock it back behind me before I made my way out into the street to go pick up dinner for the two of us. She was going to have her usual, and I was probably going to wind up with mine. It was a comfortable routine, and I loved it.

I paused on the street, my hand going right for Del’s arm- Promise me one thing, Delly. Promise me you won't mess this up. She's good for you. She's good for both of us. And I'm not going to be able to forgive you this time if you ruin this for her. -I was putting a lot into this. I'd forgiven him so many times for so many things, but I meant what I said this time. This was the line-

Del: -Myrick’s hand on my arm wasn't what I expected. Neither were the words that came out of his mouth when I turned to face him, but he was right. He'd always forgiven me, no matter what kind of trouble I'd gotten the both of us into. I knew this time was different. But the sound of my nickname coming from his mouth brought an unbidden grin to my face- I promise, Ricky. I can't afford to fuck this up for either of us. I'm going to give this one all I've got. -I couldn't stop myself from reaching up to pat his cheek with a soft chuckle before I walked off down the street. I'd sent the car off earlier, and I didn't intend to call it back. I needed the time to think, and a walk and maybe a subway ride might give me the time I needed for it.-  

Cay: ^As soon as I heard the door close, I felt myself sag back against the couch for a second. I needed a minute to process everything. Just to take some time to breathe. I didn’t have to worry about keeping a mask on for either of the men that had been sitting in front of me. I wasn’t entirely sure of what was going to happen. There were a million and one different choices in this situation. But it was something I wanted to talk to Daddy about first.

We both could say that things were never going to change, but we knew the reality of our situation. Conversation was always going to be the most important thing. We needed to talk about everything before we could take another step.

Sending him to a Thai place that was on the other side of the Bronx hadn’t been a mistake. I needed the time to consider what I was doing. I needed some time. Besides, in my opinion, Shangrila was one of the best places in the borough. I wanted the Mongolian Beef badly. And for some reason, it was all I could think about.

As I got to the office, I stopped as I stared at the calendar. I hadn’t thought about the days of the week or anything else since I was almost always in the shop. But I felt myself doing the math as I thought back to the last time I had a period. Before I met Del at the club. My eyes went wide as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Two months. At least.

I was moving in autopilot as I counted the money. There was so much going through my head that the obvious question didn’t sink in until I was locking the safe. If I was pregnant, whose was it? Sir and Daddy were both options. Reaching for my cell, I texted Cassi and asked if she could watch over the shop tomorrow. I couldn’t not go to the doctor. I had to know. ^

#IfYouLoveMeDontLetGo

[sinfulmyrick]

If You Love Me, Don’t Let Me Go (SL with @DayDividesNight and @LustByTheHour)

Del: -The car pulled up in front of the shop, and I got out, telling the driver I’d call him back when I needed him and not to wait for me. I had no idea how long this was going to take. It could have been a few minutes or hours. It all depended on how they reacted to what I had to say.

I did know one thing. I couldn’t go in there half-cocked and fly off the handle. That was the one way to ruin everything before it ever started. I could push them away easily enough. That came naturally to me, to push everyone away. But that had been the way I’d fucked them and me up for the past god only knew how many weeks.

I walked up to the doors, but the first thing I caught was a glimpse of her brilliant crimson hair through the glass moving around on the other side of them. Freezing was my first reaction, but it was the wrong one. The air around me was cold, the wind cutting into my jacket like it was made of tissue paper instead of wool and sending a shiver through my frame that had me rubbing my hands together to get more blood flowing into my fingers. I tried to move, but I couldn’t, not until the little voice of reason in my head was screaming at me not to chicken out and lose everything I needed in one stupid move. I was here for a reason, and that reason was waiting inside.

I took in a deep breath, gathering the little bit of courage I could muster and pushed through the door to the tinkling of bells that signaled someone’s arrival in the shop. I hadn’t been wrong. They were both there, and both heads turned to find me standing there in the entrance as I tried to smile, but only managed to turn up one corner of my face into some sort of expression- Hi…

-I knew that wasn’t enough, wasn’t ever going to be enough, but it was the only thing I could think of to start with. The other words would come, but taking my time here was going to be key to not freaking me or either of them out completely-

Myrick: -I heard the bells that signaled the door opening without looking up from the drawing I was working on atop the counter. I was a little lost in the work, a drawing of Cay as she moved around the shop the colors and swirls of her tattoos and hair slowly taking shape in colored pencil as she let me have glimpses of them with each movement.

I’d taken to spending all my free time here. Things were still tense at the house when and if I would see Del. We’d barely spoken to each other, but I had told him I’d talked to Cay. He just sort of nodded and made some kind of incomprehensible sound before he stalked back upstairs. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I made no secret of where I was going every day or who I was spending time with. I didn’t see any point in it. He could get his act together if he decided to on his own.

It was the sound of Cay’s soft gasp that had my attention moving back up to first her face and then following her gaze back to the door before I heard the nervous sound of his greeting. I knew him well enough to know that he was scared out of his mind. I hadn’t seen him like that very often, but there he was now, wearing one of my scarves and his jacket, standing on the welcome mat as the door slowly closed behind him.

My voice caught in my throat, though I wasn’t certain what I would have said anyway. I just looked back to Cay to gauge her reaction to all of this-

Cay: ^It hadn’t taken much to get Amelia and Cassidy to allow Daddy into the shop when we weren’t open. They both knew that he wasn’t a risk, and would spend most of his time behind the counter drawing. He wouldn’t let me see what he was working on, but I knew. I had been his muse since he had started coming. Cassidy was in love with him. She enjoyed seeing him in the shop because he made me happy.

I hadn’t slid down that slope that took my mind out of things in a while. I still did occasionally, but it was always cancelled out by the knowing look from behind the counter. After we opened up about what we wanted to do, we sat down and just talked about everything. I explained what had happened. I knew better than to leave anything out. I told him about how Amelia and Cassidy wanted to give me the shop. As hard as it was for him to hear, I told him about the lapses I had while working.

I never held any of that against Daddy. He was the only truly innocent party here. I could have gone to him at any minute. He had no clue where to find me. It was something I still felt insanely guilty about on bad days. But those were the days I kept my promise to him. I didn’t let myself drown in my misery, I opened up to him. I told him.

Today had been a good day. There weren’t many customers in the store, but I wasn’t entirely surprised. It was chilly, and getting anywhere was a challenge, at best, in this city. But as the door chimed, I felt the entire day shift. I didn’t want to believe what was standing in front of me. I knew the scarf. It was one I had seen a few times over the past few weeks. Except it hadn’t been draped around the man standing in front of the door. It belonged to the man whose gaze was locked on me.

I almost didn’t hear the nervous “hi” come from Del’s lips. I could feel myself starting to drown in confusion. But I didn’t know why he was here. I didn’t know if he wanted to talk. I didn’t know if he was in to shop for something. The last thing I wanted to assume was that he was here to talk to me or Daddy. I had to be professional, though. I couldn’t let this get the best of me.

Closing my eyes, I took another breath before I let my gaze travel up to his eyes. The words that fell from my lips sounded hollow to my ears, but I knew they needed to be said. I knew how to treat the customers that came in here. There was a reason the doms that came in here loved me. They knew I was respectful. But my voice shook as I tried to get the words out.^ Welcome to The Shoppe. I’m Cay, Sir. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.

Del: -I could hear the tremble in her voice as she spoke and the formality of the words that came from her lips. I had a lot to make up for, and the sound of the greeting she gave me told me all of that without her saying a single thing about it. She didn’t have to.

My fingers were shaking as I moved to take the scarf from around my neck, shrugging the coat off my shoulders and draping them both over my arm. I took a trepidatious step forward, closer to where she stood. Letting out a soft sigh- Cay… -I glanced over to Myrick, not sure which of them I needed to talk to first, or what I needed to say. - Hey, Ricky. -letting out a long breath again- I just… I owe you both an apology.

-I guessed that was the best place to start. Because it was the damn truth. I owed them both a lot more than an apology-

Myrick: -I was still a little dumbstruck as seeing Del enter the room like that. And I still didn’t know what to say. I was scrambling for a reply when he admitted he owed us both an apology, though I wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. I was willing to hear him out, but I was waiting to hear exactly what he was going to say before I made a judgement.-

Listen, Del. I think you have a lot to explain, and I’m willing to let you explain it. I’m listening, but I’m not promising anything.

-That was as generous as I could be in the moment, but my heart was in my throat. I didn’t know what he was going to tell me or how I was going to be able to wrap my head around it.-

Cay: ^I knew this wasn’t going to be as easy as getting an apology. There was more to it. We needed explanations. Both of us. And I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to hear what he needed to say to Daddy. But I knew the truth. Whatever was going to come from Del’s mouth was going to create a problem.

I had been good about closing off the wall of feelings I had. I didn’t let Daddy see them. I tried to keep them to myself. I didn’t want Daddy thinking I ever was settling. I wasn’t, and I never had. It was a different way of being complete. It was something I liked. I trusted in what Daddy was giving me. Because I knew to him, it wasn’t about the sex or the control. It was making sure I was in a safe place to give up the control.

I knew with Daddy that there didn’t have to be sex. I could ask for a night of just cuddles, and he would absolutely respect that. With Del, I feared what I would be used for. And being used wasn’t something I could afford.

Taking a breath, I looked at the floor and started to make my way towards the back. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here while the two of them were talking. I didn’t want to know what I had screwed up with the two of them. Daddy would just tell me I did nothing wrong. Del, who knew. But the truth ran through my mind more than enough times. If I had just stayed at the club, none of this would have happened. My voice was soft as I tried to choke the words out.^ I’ll give the two of you a minute.

Del: -I could hear the sound in her voice, the one that was saying everything to her that my mind had been saying to me over the past few weeks. And that was the last fucking thing I wanted. I wanted her to know how much I needed her, and I didn’t know if I needed to ask her to stay or let her go. I did know that her going was the last thing I wanted to happen.- No, please stay, Cay. I… I need to talk to both of you.

-I wanted to walk over to her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react, so I just left her be over on the other side of the room. I needed them both closer. This talking out loud across the shelves and racks in the shop was more than I could take. I had to be able to look both of them in the eyes and tell them what I had to say.

I was taking a huge chance here, and I could only hope that it turned out the way I needed it to, that I hadn’t fucked it up past all repair.-

Myrick: -My eyes were dancing back and forth between the two of them like watching a tennis match, waiting to see what was going to happen before I stepped in and spoke, but something told me I needed to speak up or the two of them were never going to get themselves together. Resting my hands on the glass counter top, my stool slid across the tiled floor with an odd scraping sound before I had room to stand up and walk around to the other side of the counter, with a long glance at Cay-

Baby Love, why don’t you go close up shop for awhile and we can talk without being interrupted. I think we’ve all got a lot to say, and no one else needs to walk in on the middle of this. It’s almost time anyhow. A few minutes early won’t matter.

-I tried to offer her a reassuring smile. I knew I needed it as much as she did. I had no idea what was coming, but I had my fingers crossed it wasn’t going to be some of the wrecking ball style stuff that Del was famous for.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head and slowly moved to flip the sign on the door and slid the lock closed. Daddy was right, and there was no arguing with him. I didn’t know where we were going, but I almost didn’t want to know. Because I knew what was standing right in front of me. And I was fucking terrified. Taking the widest path possible, I moved behind the counter and pressed myself as close to Daddy as I could.

I wasn’t even sure how to react. I felt like I had lost the ability to speak. I knew there was more I needed to do after all of this was discussed, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything. It all boiled down to what Del was about to say.

But I needed him to know what Daddy had done for me in the short time we had been together. I needed him to understand what kind of position I was in because of what we had both done.^ I was a wreck before Daddy came to me. I could barely keep my focus at work. And because of that, I didn’t get an amazing opportunity that I should have. I’ve never been boy crazy. I’ve never felt like I needed a guy to make my life worth living. But then I met you and, in turn, Daddy.

I disappeared from Daddy’s life. I barely felt worthy of having that night with you. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved that morning with Daddy. When you never came back, I felt justified in my feelings. You didn’t come back because I wasn’t good enough for you. I was never going to be the sub you wanted or needed. I couldn’t handle you. That was everything I thought. I beat myself up for weeks trying to believe that I could move on. That it wasn’t me. But that feeling isn’t an easy one to shake.

^Shaking my head, I could already feel all the frustration and fear rolling through my body. This wasn’t easy to talk about, and it was technically a violation of one of Daddy’s rules. But I always told him that I would come to him when I was feeling down. We would talk about it. Even if it turned into me crying hysterically because I wasn’t enough. Turning my head to Daddy, I let my voice drop to a whisper. A soft moment for the two of us where I knew my own mind was going to get the best of me.^ This is going to send me down a slippery hill, Daddy. And I’m going to struggle. Please don’t punish me if I go too far.

Myrick: -I leaned in to her, tightening my arm around Cay’s waist as she whispered. I knew she was protecting herself the best she could, and I wasn't going to hold that against her. Neither of us knew what to expect out of Del right now and the way she felt about him was precarious at best. She tried not to let me see, but I knew without her talking.  I didn't hold her feelings for him against her, either. She couldn't help them. Hell, my own feelings about him were confusing the life out of me at the moment- it's ok, Baby Love. Just do what you need to do. I'm not going to punish you when you need holding.

-I straightened up to look over to Del, though I kept her curled into my side. He needed to hear what he'd done and the fallout that had resulted from it all. Del did so many things without thinking of anyone but himself. The fact that he was even here now apologizing was amazing, but it wasn't enough- You could have at least told me where to find her, Del. Jesus. -letting out a frustrated sigh- I didn't know. I know you're clearly going through something right now, where you've decided that you don't get to be happy, but I guess that means no one else gets to be happy either. -I didn't know what else to say to him. He was selfish, but he was here  I had to give him credit for that- At least you came. So let's hear your reasoning.

Del. -I listened to everything the two of them had to say to me, letting Cay have her moment to curl into Myrick’s side and call him Daddy. It was frankly nice to see. Ricky deserved that kind of thing, and had for a damned long time. I laid my coat across the counter top and slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans- Because I don't deserve what the two of you have over there. At least not in my mind. I never have. I fucking want it, more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life. And that's why I'm here. -I leaned against the counter and took in a shaky breath. I was scared stupid right now, and I wanted to make sure I didn't screw this up any more than I already had- I fucked up. Okay? I know that. I got scared and I hid from everyone and everything. I'm an idiot. And I probably messed everything up. I'm not dumb or cocky enough to waltz in here and think everything is forgiven or that either of you would even want me in your life after the way I've behaved. I wouldn't blame you for never talking to me again.

-fingers jingling the change in my pocket as I tried to focus. I knew I was babbling and I could feel myself sinking with every admission of how bad I'd messed everything up- I was miserable. And it was my own fault. I'm sorry if I made either of you feel even a quarter of how bad I felt. And it was all my fault. All I had to do was be honest with myself and with the two of you. And to be honest, I'm terrified. I'm terrified at how happy I could be. Because of I'm not happy then I don't have a damned thing to lose. But now, I have everything to lose.

-I looked down at the floor before I could chance a glance up at the two of them. I wasn't even half done with everything I needed to tell them, but I needed to give them a chance to reply. And I had to just breathe for a minute-

Cay: ^I could feel my blood boil at his words. There was one sorry in that entire exchange, and it wasn’t even the most important sorry. It was for making us miserable. That was it. Because it had to be all about Del. It was a trend I was very quickly picking up on. I should have held my tongue. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen, but I couldn’t stand here and let him get away with this. It wasn’t all about him.^

In that entire speech, you said you were sorry one time. You said you were sorry if we were as miserable as you were. So your apology was still self centered. You didn’t apologize to me for losing out on owning a shop I love and put every waking moment into. You didn’t apologize to Daddy for not giving him the information he needed to come after me. Of all the people to apologize to, he deserves it the most. I have spent days and nights apologizing for not coming to him. For waiting for him to come to me. And I owe my boss the world for sending him here. Because she knew how miserable I was. She recognized that Myrick was the only innocent one in this entire situation.

^My hands were fists as I spoke. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream. The only thing that kept me grounded was Daddy. I could tolerate a half assed apology to me. I had as much reason to apologize to Del for doing the same thing. But Daddy? Daddy never deserved any of this. I hurt more for him than I hurt for myself.^

You dropped a bomb on him. On a man that struggled to accept what he was as a Daddy already. A man who spent his entire life being groomed for the white picket fence life. And then you walked away. You didn’t say a word. You never gave him a chance to say a word. You avoided him like the plague. You didn’t give him the time of day to understand what was going on in your head. You shut yourself off. Why should I listen? Why should I accept an apology that was self centered? Why should I try to understand what happened? You clearly aren’t trying to understand what happened with either of us individually.

Del: -I heard every word of what she was saying, and none of it was wrong. I was selfish, and self-centered, which was exactly why I didn’t deserve either of them. I’d even fucked up my apology- I’m here, Cay… I came to listen, even if it’s not a skill I’m very comfortable with or good at right now. I’m sorry. You both deserve a hell of a lot better than that, a hell of a lot better than me. And you’re right. Ricky… -I turned to my roommate, offering him the most apologetic look I could muster- You didn’t deserve any of this. You’re worlds better than I will ever be. I know the shit you’ve been through, I was there for most of it, and I still went through the whole damn situation like a bull in a china shop. I’m shitty friend.

-looking over at Cay just in front of him, but smaller so that he could nearly rest his chin on her head- I’m a shitty everything. I’m even shit at apologizing. I’m trying here, though. And I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to give me credit for trying. But he can tell you, I’ve never done anything like this before. And you were right, Amelia is a saint. She’s the only one of us who had enough sense to try fixing the mess I made. I owe her a lot. Even if the two of you decide I’m not worth it.

I know I’m selfish and self-centered. I’ve only been thinking of me for all of my damn life. But that’s not what I want for now. What I want is to think about someone else for the first time in my life. I want to think about you… -looking back up to Myrick- Both of you. And I know that’s a lot to take in Ricky. I know I dropped a bomb in your lap. I know I’m dropping another. And I know it’s going to take a lot of time for us to figure this out, if you two even want to. I just need you to know that I want to.

-takes my hands out of my pockets to thread my fingers together and study my palms for a long moment before I could look up at the two of them. I didn’t deserve to even be here right now. I shouldn’t have barged in on their day unannounced like this, but I was what I was.-

Myrick: -I was just kind of dumbstruck while everything was going down. Cay moved from my side to being in front of me and I rested my hands at her waist, pulling her back into my chest as she leaned forward and let what had been boiling in her mind fly. I could tell there was more there, but she was spent for now. I agreed with everything she said, even though coming to my defense was unnecessary. I was far more worried about her and how all of this had made her feel.

When he started talking, I just froze. I didn’t know what to make of any of this. I’d kind of wiped the whole kiss out of my mind since it happened. I’d chalked it up to something random he decided to do in the heat of the moment. I hadn’t really thought he’d meant it. Though, I had to admit that when I didn’t consciously push it to the back of my mind it popped up unbidden more often than I would admit.

Cay wasn’t wrong when she said I was ill prepared for all of this. My entire upbringing had been getting me ready for law school, to live my parents’ life just like they had. None of this was in the cards for me until it was. Del was the reason for all of that. He’d been the only one to give me the room to figure myself out back then, and as much as he’d been an ass lately, I thought I owed him that much-

Listen, Del. I don’t know what to think. I haven’t for awhile. I know that Cay makes me happy, happier than I’ve been probably ever in my life, and I’m never going to let that go. -I pulled her back in close to me- This is all crazy. Maybe I’m crazy. I’m willing to talk, to try to figure all of this out, if she is. But you fucked up this time, almost past the point of no return.

-I had no idea how I was going to wrap my head around all of this. I’d only said I was willing to talk. I was still so confused about the whole situation involving him. I wasn’t jealous of Cay’s feelings for him. I understood that. I was confused about my feelings for him. Until now, we’d been friends. Things were easy to navigate as friends. This added a whole new dimension to things, one I wasn’t familiar with. It took me out of my hard-won comfort zone and into a whole different place. I had to wrap my head around it, and it wasn’t something I was sure I was going to be able to do-

Cay: ^I didn’t exactly want to listen. I was beyond furious. I didn’t have to. I knew that. I could tell them both that I couldn’t do this and go count the tills. The only thing I could do, right now, was take a breath. I had to stop being irrational. I needed to not fly off the handle. There was absolutely a proper way to do everything. Yelling and screaming at Del was not one of those things.

I hated that he was getting under my skin. I wanted everything to go away. But I couldn’t deny the truth. There was a pull there that I couldn’t deny. And Del was right about one thing. Things felt right when I was with both of them. Granted, being with both of them together was something I still couldn’t begin to think about. I wasn’t going to put Daddy in that place.

But I owed it to Daddy to let Del explain things. We all needed to talk. We needed to figure out where this was going to lead us. Even if we didn’t have an answer tonight, we could at the very least have all of our cards on the table. This wasn’t going to be about me choosing one over the other. If the decision came to that, I knew the answer. But it wasn’t something I wanted to have to do.^ We can stay down here or we can go up to my apartment. Whichever option you feel the most comfortable with. We should talk this out. Responsibly. And without my temper getting into the way.

Del: -I glanced around the shop, taking it in. It was weird to be down here talking all this out with these two. Everything felt like a barrier, standing in between us, something to hide behind, and I was done hiding. Myrick was being forgiving and graceful, like I knew he would be. He would forgive me even when I was wrong, even when I didn’t apologize. It was in his nature, and probably part of the reason I was as spoiled and selfish as I was. I had a friend who made it easy for me.

Cay, on the other hand, wasn’t going to make this easy at all. That was probably exactly what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. But I knew the two of them were worth the work- Alright, I think we should go upstairs. It might seem a little less weird…

-my hands and shoulders went up in a half shrug- I don’t know. This is awkward, and I know that’s my fault. I just want you two to be as comfortable as possible, so I guess upstairs would be better. I promise to talk this out rationally. I’m not going to lose my cool, but if you do, then I understand. I deserve that too.

-I tried to look Cay in the eye, and I could see that she was raging. I was hoping I didn’t get punched, but that would have been understandable too. Myrick was really all that was holding her back from coming at me full force. She wanted him happy, I could tell by everything she said. And he wanted her happy. It was nice to see if you didn’t also account for the fact that I was keeping that from happening-

Myrick: -my fingers found Cay’s hand, threading between hers to hold her hand in mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze and moved to her side, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead then whisper in her ear- Come on, let’s go upstairs and at least get comfortable while we talk. We have a lot to talk about and standing here in the middle of the shop is not the place for this. -stealing another gentle kiss before I straightened up and glanced up at Del.

I didn’t really have anything to say to him down here. More than anything, I wanted to hear what he had to say to Cay. I’d deal with my issues when we figured out what we were doing, because at this point I honestly had no clue.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head before looking back at the register. I knew what I needed to do before I went up with them. I had to be somewhat responsible. Even if this was going to lead to a downward spiral, I had to be smart with the shop.^ Take him up, Daddy? I need to get the till in the safe. Even if I don’t come back to it tonight, I need to get it into the safe. I can’t risk it.

^With a nod from Daddy, I watched the two men go up the stairs. I knew I wasn’t going to balance the money right now. I couldn’t leave them upstairs alone. But I did need to take a minute to gather my thoughts. As I pulled the till from the register, I thought about what was about to happen.

I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the situation at hand. I wasn’t even sure how to handle Del showing up. I didn’t know how I’d react if he had shown up while I was alone. I would have fallen to pieces. There was no doubt in my mind. I felt my stomach start to turn as I punched the code into the safe to open it. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with me, but I couldn’t afford for the nerves to get the best of me.

Slamming the safe shut, I made sure the store was locked and dark before setting the alarm. I quickly made my way up the stairs. With another flop of my stomach, I stood outside of my apartment. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to potentially lose Daddy. I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind with everything. I didn’t know how he felt about Del. And my own feelings weren’t even on the table to be opened up. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

Taking one more slow breath, I let my hand fall on the doorknob before twisting it and pushing the door open. I wasn’t surprised to find both men sitting there in silence. It seemed this talk was going to be with me or not at all. Quickly moving to the couch, I forced myself into Daddy’s arms. I needed the safety and security that he gave. I wasn’t sure I could do this.^

Myrick: -Leading Del up the stairs to the little apartment behind and above the store was an automatic path for me. I’d been up here dozens of times since I finally found her again, but it was strange to have someone else who wasn’t Cay in tow. All of this was strange. I had no idea how to process what was going on. I wanted to let Del have his say, to let him get out whatever was obviously weighing heavily on his chest.

I hadn’t seen him this repentant or this clearly beaten down since I’d met him. And I hadn’t seen Cay this terrified since I’d met her. I wasn’t sure how to handle this. Sitting in silence while we waited for her to come up from downstairs was the only thing I could think of, because I literally had no idea what to say.

My heart thumped against the inside of my chest when she walked in and immediately curled into my lap, my arms going around her to pull her close and keep her there. It was what she needed. I knew it just from the look in her eyes. She needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere no matter what happened right now. I leaned in close just for her, whispering against the shell of her ear- This doesn’t change how I feel about you at all, Baby Love. Nothing here does. I’m here until you tell me to go.

-The words were soft, quiet, just a breath against her skin and meant only for her. I gave her that moment, just letting the heat from my skin soak into hers as she slightly relaxed into my embrace before I even acknowledged that he was there- Alright, Del. Whatever you have to say, say it.

Del: -It had been a mercy that things were silent when we walked up the stairs and settled down into the two chairs. Cay walking in had only interrupted that for a moment, and then the awkward silence settled back into place while I let them have their moment. I had no damned idea what I was doing here. I had no clue what I was going to say. I was pretty sure I was going to fuck this up as badly as I had fucked everything else up since the day I started making decisions for myself.

Where was I going to start? I didn’t even know what to tell myself. How do I explain all of this? I started to talk four times, getting a half a word out before starting over as it choked itself into silence in my throat. Finally, I just threw my hands in my lap. There was nothing else to do except throw it out there.- God, I’m a selfish fuck. But your friend, Amelia… she’s a smart woman. Smarter than I’ll ever fucking be. She had me figured out from the minute I opened my mouth. I couldn’t hide shit from her, not even shit I was hiding from myself. -I realized I was babbling, that the two of them would have no real idea what I was talking about, so I started over, back to the beginning of all of this.- Cay, when I walked up to you in the club, I had no idea what I was getting into, none. I thought it was a thing, fun but nothing serious, and then you happened. I don’t know how. I’ve always been the guy who walked away from anything before it got serious, before anyone go feelings involved. But, fuck me, I had feelings for you from the minute your lips hit mine. You can ask him, I don’t fall asleep with people. It’s not my thing. People fall asleep in my bed, and I wind up on the couch or just don’t sleep at all, and then you came along. All I fucking wanted was to wake up with that red hair spread across my pillows or chest or whatever the hell else you wanted to rest your head on. -It was pouring out of me now. After holding back so long, the pressure built up until it was like a dam breaking, words spewing out and telling them everything I’d been afraid to say to even myself-

And then the next damned morning, when I walked downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, there the two of you were, splayed out across the kitchen counter like some kind of crazy wet dream. I wasn’t even upset, cause it was probably the second hottest thing that has even run through my mind. I’m not going to lie.

And it was only the second hottest thing because the first was the same damn situation with me in the middle. -I studied my hands carefully while I let the rest come out. I didn’t have it in me to look Myrick in the eye while I was talking- And no it’s not just about that. It’s not just about the sex. Sex is easy. It’s just an act. The thing that hit me hard, the thing that had me walking across the kitchen to plant that kiss on Daddy over there… -I took a breath, not sure if I should go on but damned certain I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to- I saw a whole hell of a lot more than that. I’m an asshole, but I want both of you. I can’t and I won’t lie and say I don’t. I’m not stupid enough to think I’ll get it, but it’s the first thing I’ve ever really wanted that wasn’t 100% selfish. Maybe that sounds stupid, because wanting to have two people instead of one is probably the definition of selfish, but I want the two of you happy. If that means happy without me, then that’s what it is. I know you found each other. I’m glad you did. -I took a breath finally, now that my lungs were burning from lack of oxygen with the words that had come all in one long exhale. Chancing a glance up at Cay first. I was less scared of her reaction to this than Myrick’s. She could slap me or yell at me again. I deserved both of those. I was entirely afraid I’d broken him though. I couldn’t bring myself to even try to see-

He deserves happy, and he needs you. -biting down on my lip- He’s been through a lot of bullshit. I was probably part of that bullshit. And like I said. I want you happy. Both of you. Whether I get to be part of that or not. But fuck do I ever want to be part of that. -I glanced away, back down to my hands when I felt the corners of my eyes sting and my throat close up-

Cay: ^I could hear the words echoing in my head. “I want you to be happy.” I was. And the road to get here wasn’t easy. I had already been through so much. My self worth had taken hit after hit with Del. And here he was telling me that he wanted nothing more than me and Daddy to be happy. How was I supposed to react to that?^

Amelia is responsible for a lot of things. But how many weeks ago did she come to you? Should I assume that it was the same time that Myrick came to me? I thought she beat sense into you. I thought she saw you in a way that no one else saw you. But you still took this much time to come to both of us? I don’t know the answer here, Del. I don’t know what to say.

^I took a breath before looking up at Daddy. There was a lot I needed to say, and I had to be honest. The worst part was that I knew that, one way or another, someone was going to be hurt. In reality, they were both going to be hurt. But I couldn’t just sit on this. I couldn’t tell him that he was an asshole for hiding his feelings when I was doing the same. But I needed to have Daddy be okay with this.^

There is nothing I want more than to be sandwiched between the two of you. To submit to both of you is probably one of the hottest things I can imagine. I’ve wanted you from the moment you walked up to me. I’ve wanted someone like you for awhile. And then I met Daddy. And he gave me something that you haven’t been willing to give me. He doesn’t shut me out. He doesn’t hide from me. We talk things through. I take his rules into consideration with every move I make. But if he can’t do this, I’m with him. He came to me first. He showed me that he cared. And he’s the one that we screwed over by hiding. But he’s the one that protects me. He’s the one who makes sure I don’t feel like I’m nothing. I’m constantly reminded that I’m lucky he still wants me after I ran from him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Del: -I was fighting the urge to just give up and walk away, because I was pretty sure I was going to be the one who would end up getting hurt here, and I was pretty sure I deserved it. But I needed to stay here. I had to fight for it, even if that meant fighting with Cay and Myrick.- It was weeks. Yeah, it was the same day. And fuck me if I didn’t screw up. That’s why I’m here, to admit I’m a god damned fuck up. He’s worlds better than me. I’ve always known that. Thanks for reminding me. -I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. The last thing I needed right now was to go off on Cay, even though I could hear the blood rushing through my ears and feel the heat rising up from the collar of my shirt through my neck-

I don’t know what to tell you to say. I’m a fuck up. Tell me to leave. I’ll leave. I’ll walk away right now and let the two of you have it. You won’t ever see me again if that’s the way you want it. -I somehow found the courage to look over at Myrick. I could see he was dumbfounded, but this was as much for him as it was for her- That goes for both of you. I’m not going to kick you out, Ricky. You know that’s not my style, but I’ll leave the city. I’ll go back to Vegas. I don’t want to, but I will. I’d much rather stay, and try to fight for a chance to have something I probably don’t and won’t ever deserve.

I’m lucky you haven’t kicked me out already. -I took a deep breath in, letting it out in one long, shaky exhale.- I don’t know how to convince you to let me try. I didn’t come. I was scared. I was stupid. She came, and what she saw I don’t know. I don’t see it.

Myrick: -Del was babbling, and I was sitting here trying to process everything. I needed to figure out how to protect the girl in my lap from any of the fallout from this first. She was my top priority in all of this. Even if I never figured out how I felt about any of it, I wanted to know how she felt about it.

She wanted this. I knew that. I’d always known that. Del was an idiot for sabotaging that for himself. Some part of me just wanted to open up and tell them both to quit fighting it and just give up already. It was probably inevitable. It didn’t bother me that she wanted him. I was happy just to be able to have the piece of her that I had-

Hey, you two… -I knew my voice was soft, but that it carried. I kept my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest- Just know this. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. Whatever the two of you decide. I honestly have no clue what to tell you about how I feel about you, Del. I’m confused. I’ve been confused for weeks. I’ll figure it out, but it’ll take time either way. I know how I feel about her. And I’m going to protect her from everything I can. If you’re not serious about this, walk away. She can’t do this if you’re not.

-I leaned in closer and brushed a kiss across Cay’s cheek- Baby Love, whatever you say to him changes nothing between us. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to lose me, and we’re not going to lose this. I promise you. But I know how you feel about him. And I know that something in you is never going to be able to move on unless you give him a chance. That’s ok with me. I need you happy.

Cay: ^He needed me happy. Did I truly deserve to be happy after everything I had put him through? Yet, here he was. Sacrificing what he wanted to give me something I wanted. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work. But I needed him to know that this was never something I was going to take for granted. He needed to know exactly what I felt for him. As the tears started to prick my eyes, I turned so I was looking only at my Daddy. I wasn’t sure if this was the right moment for it, but it needed to be said. My words were only for him, but it didn’t matter if Del heard them. They affected him just as much.^ You make me happy. And while you know that I have feelings for him, I’m in love with you. I can’t do this unless you’re okay with it.

^The subtle nod of Daddy’s head gave me some kind of strength. I needed to address this before I let anything go any further. There was so much going through my head that I wasn’t sure where to begin. But I knew what I wanted to say. I also knew that if I didn’t think everything through, I wasn’t going to give myself the chance to talk myself out of things. Turning away from Daddy, I pegged the man across from me with a stare.

All of this wasn’t just about giving him what he wanted. It was giving the three of us a chance to explore what this was, and if there was a reason to let it grow. But it was also something that could destroy all of us. I couldn’t risk it. I needed everything to be on the table. I needed my rules to be on the table.^ I want to try with you. I want to be the most selfish girl in the world. I want to have a Daddy and a Sir. I want both of you. And I would be lying if I said I didn’t want the two of you to try something together. But I won’t push Daddy into it. If this is what he’s okay with, than this is what we did.

You cannot run. There is no option of running. This isn’t a relationship that will survive if any one of us runs. You cannot shut us out. You can’t shut me out. You can’t shut him out. Because the two of you are going to need to figure out how all of this works. I can be told when and where to be, but the two of you need to work it out. Daddy knows my limitations. Especially since I run a business.

^Looking at the ground, I wasn’t sure how the next part of this would go. I knew what I wanted to say, but I knew Del would beat himself up over all of it. But again, communication was the key to everything here. I couldn’t lie to him about what I needed. I needed this before we could take a step into a playroom.^ We also can’t go into a playroom. Not yet. We need to start from scratch. We need to establish a relationship. I need to trust you again before we take that step. You have to prove to me that this isn’t just about wanting a sub. You claim to want me and Daddy in a way you have never wanted anyone else, so prove it. Show me that I’m not just a hole to stick your dick into.

Myrick: -I just sat and listened, shocked for a moment, but pleasantly so at the words that came out of Cay’s mouth. She had a point, and she was making it eloquently enough. She wasn’t asking for too much, and as much as she was insistent that she was selfish, I saw it as anything but. She didn’t have to give him a chance; she didn’t have to give me a chance either. She could have been selfish and kept herself away from both of us. Instead, she was willing to share herself with both of us. I didn’t think now was the time to tell her so though.

Instead, I leaned in and whispered against her ear as she waited for Del to reply- I love you, too. -tightening my arms around her and pulling her back into my chest again. I hadn’t said those words to anyone in that context in years. No one I had dated, not the last sub I’d worked with, no one, not since my first girlfriend in college when I went and got my heart broken and handed back to me in pieces before I knew what I was doing. This was different than any of that.

I didn’t know how this was going to end, but I hoped it ended for the better. There was every possibility that we were all going to end up hurt, but there was also every possibility that we were all going to end up happy. Right now, the next part of this was all in Del’s hands.-

Del: -Cay was right. There was no denying that. At least she was giving me a chance. I’d just been waiting for her to kick me out all this time. I wouldn’t have blamed her. It was well within what she would have been right to do. I just had my fingers crossed for more. She was laying her rules for this relationship out on the line. I’d lived in the whole BDSM world long enough to be used to rules, only I was the one who was usually laying out rules. Not that I’d had anyone who I’d spent enough time around to have a standing set of rules with anyone, and the more that I thought about it, the more I understood her point. I wasn’t reliable, at least I hadn’t proven myself to be. And trust was everything in what we were going in to. I had to give her a reason to trust me.-

Then we take our time. I’m willing to do it. I want this; I didn’t lie about that. And you’re far from just a hole to stick anything in. If it takes time for you to understand that, then we take however long you need. You’re worth it. -glancing over at Myrick- You’re both worth it. And if you never decide I’m there, then at least I got the chance. That’s more than I should ask for.  

Cay: ^I couldn’t help the small smile that was tugging at my lips as Daddy told me he loved me, too. It wasn’t a sentiment I had ever experienced. But to have it with him was everything to me. I wanted to cry, but I refused to show that kind of weakness. Besides, it hadn’t ever been something I did. I didn’t cry about things. That was a useless thing to do.

I nodded my head as Del spoke his peace. He was willing to go there for me. He was going to do something that he probably hadn’t ever done. He was putting everything aside to give me the chance to get comfortable with him. To trust him again. He was giving into my rules. Taking a breath, I gave him a small smile.^ I’m giving you a chance, Sir. Please don’t let me down.

^I let out an audible groan as my stomach let out a growl. I hadn’t exactly eaten all day. The shop had been busier than normal, and I didn’t want to leave Daddy alone in case someone showed up. But as the minutes passed, I knew what I wanted. It was going to be a hike, but I could have Daddy go grab it while I was counting the drawers. Grabbing the closest piece of paper, I quickly wrote down an order of fried wontons, beef udon, and the mongolian beef dinner special my favorite Thai place had. Holding the paper out to Daddy, I turned my attention back to the man in front of me.^ Can Daddy and I have the night to discuss things? Just so we can set boundaries in our relationship where you are concerned, Sir?

Del: -After expecting to be thrown out since I walked into the place, being asked to leave so they could discuss things was a nice relief. It wasn't forever. It was for one night- You absolutely can. But if he's okay with it, I'd like us to all spend some time together soon. -slides my hands into my pockets nervously before I realize I have to grab my coat and the scarf I stole before I can make an exit. My hands fumble out of the pockets and somehow find their way into the sleeves of the coat I brought without much incident, draping the scarf across my shoulders while my hands still grip the tails that drape across my chest.- I just… I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. -nodding before I make my goodbyes and walk myself down to the front door-

Myrick: -I pocketed the order knowing exactly what she was asking for as I made my way to the stairs behind Del, pausing for only a moment to steal a kiss from Cay before I follow him down- I love you, Baby Love. I'll be back soon. -fingers brushing her hair back behind one ear before I go to let him out the door.

We didn't speak.  I wasn't sure if it was because we'd said everything that there was to be said or because neither of us quite knew what to say to the other. I knew how to unlock the door and let him out, and how to lock it back behind me before I made my way out into the street to go pick up dinner for the two of us. She was going to have her usual, and I was probably going to wind up with mine. It was a comfortable routine, and I loved it.

I paused on the street, my hand going right for Del’s arm- Promise me one thing, Delly. Promise me you won't mess this up. She's good for you. She's good for both of us. And I'm not going to be able to forgive you this time if you ruin this for her. -I was putting a lot into this. I'd forgiven him so many times for so many things, but I meant what I said this time. This was the line-

Del: -Myrick’s hand on my arm wasn't what I expected. Neither were the words that came out of his mouth when I turned to face him, but he was right. He'd always forgiven me, no matter what kind of trouble I'd gotten the both of us into. I knew this time was different. But the sound of my nickname coming from his mouth brought an unbidden grin to my face- I promise, Ricky. I can't afford to fuck this up for either of us. I'm going to give this one all I've got. -I couldn't stop myself from reaching up to pat his cheek with a soft chuckle before I walked off down the street. I'd sent the car off earlier, and I didn't intend to call it back. I needed the time to think, and a walk and maybe a subway ride might give me the time I needed for it.-  

Cay: ^As soon as I heard the door close, I felt myself sag back against the couch for a second. I needed a minute to process everything. Just to take some time to breathe. I didn’t have to worry about keeping a mask on for either of the men that had been sitting in front of me. I wasn’t entirely sure of what was going to happen. There were a million and one different choices in this situation. But it was something I wanted to talk to Daddy about first.

We both could say that things were never going to change, but we knew the reality of our situation. Conversation was always going to be the most important thing. We needed to talk about everything before we could take another step.

Sending him to a Thai place that was on the other side of the Bronx hadn’t been a mistake. I needed the time to consider what I was doing. I needed some time. Besides, in my opinion, Shangrila was one of the best places in the borough. I wanted the Mongolian Beef badly. And for some reason, it was all I could think about.

As I got to the office, I stopped as I stared at the calendar. I hadn’t thought about the days of the week or anything else since I was almost always in the shop. But I felt myself doing the math as I thought back to the last time I had a period. Before I met Del at the club. My eyes went wide as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Two months. At least.

I was moving in autopilot as I counted the money. There was so much going through my head that the obvious question didn’t sink in until I was locking the safe. If I was pregnant, whose was it? Sir and Daddy were both options. Reaching for my cell, I texted Cassi and asked if she could watch over the shop tomorrow. I couldn’t not go to the doctor. I had to know. ^

#IfYouLoveMeDontLetGo

[lustbythehour]

If You Love Me, Don’t Let Me Go (SL with @DayDividesNight and @SinfulMyrick)

Del: -The car pulled up in front of the shop, and I got out, telling the driver I’d call him back when I needed him and not to wait for me. I had no idea how long this was going to take. It could have been a few minutes or hours. It all depended on how they reacted to what I had to say.

I did know one thing. I couldn’t go in there half-cocked and fly off the handle. That was the one way to ruin everything before it ever started. I could push them away easily enough. That came naturally to me, to push everyone away. But that had been the way I’d fucked them and me up for the past god only knew how many weeks.

I walked up to the doors, but the first thing I caught was a glimpse of her brilliant crimson hair through the glass moving around on the other side of them. Freezing was my first reaction, but it was the wrong one. The air around me was cold, the wind cutting into my jacket like it was made of tissue paper instead of wool and sending a shiver through my frame that had me rubbing my hands together to get more blood flowing into my fingers. I tried to move, but I couldn’t, not until the little voice of reason in my head was screaming at me not to chicken out and lose everything I needed in one stupid move. I was here for a reason, and that reason was waiting inside.

I took in a deep breath, gathering the little bit of courage I could muster and pushed through the door to the tinkling of bells that signaled someone’s arrival in the shop. I hadn’t been wrong. They were both there, and both heads turned to find me standing there in the entrance as I tried to smile, but only managed to turn up one corner of my face into some sort of expression- Hi…

-I knew that wasn’t enough, wasn’t ever going to be enough, but it was the only thing I could think of to start with. The other words would come, but taking my time here was going to be key to not freaking me or either of them out completely-

Myrick: -I heard the bells that signaled the door opening without looking up from the drawing I was working on atop the counter. I was a little lost in the work, a drawing of Cay as she moved around the shop the colors and swirls of her tattoos and hair slowly taking shape in colored pencil as she let me have glimpses of them with each movement.

I’d taken to spending all my free time here. Things were still tense at the house when and if I would see Del. We’d barely spoken to each other, but I had told him I’d talked to Cay. He just sort of nodded and made some kind of incomprehensible sound before he stalked back upstairs. I didn’t know what to make of it, but I made no secret of where I was going every day or who I was spending time with. I didn’t see any point in it. He could get his act together if he decided to on his own.

It was the sound of Cay’s soft gasp that had my attention moving back up to first her face and then following her gaze back to the door before I heard the nervous sound of his greeting. I knew him well enough to know that he was scared out of his mind. I hadn’t seen him like that very often, but there he was now, wearing one of my scarves and his jacket, standing on the welcome mat as the door slowly closed behind him.

My voice caught in my throat, though I wasn’t certain what I would have said anyway. I just looked back to Cay to gauge her reaction to all of this-

Cay: ^It hadn’t taken much to get Amelia and Cassidy to allow Daddy into the shop when we weren’t open. They both knew that he wasn’t a risk, and would spend most of his time behind the counter drawing. He wouldn’t let me see what he was working on, but I knew. I had been his muse since he had started coming. Cassidy was in love with him. She enjoyed seeing him in the shop because he made me happy.

I hadn’t slid down that slope that took my mind out of things in a while. I still did occasionally, but it was always cancelled out by the knowing look from behind the counter. After we opened up about what we wanted to do, we sat down and just talked about everything. I explained what had happened. I knew better than to leave anything out. I told him about how Amelia and Cassidy wanted to give me the shop. As hard as it was for him to hear, I told him about the lapses I had while working.

I never held any of that against Daddy. He was the only truly innocent party here. I could have gone to him at any minute. He had no clue where to find me. It was something I still felt insanely guilty about on bad days. But those were the days I kept my promise to him. I didn’t let myself drown in my misery, I opened up to him. I told him.

Today had been a good day. There weren’t many customers in the store, but I wasn’t entirely surprised. It was chilly, and getting anywhere was a challenge, at best, in this city. But as the door chimed, I felt the entire day shift. I didn’t want to believe what was standing in front of me. I knew the scarf. It was one I had seen a few times over the past few weeks. Except it hadn’t been draped around the man standing in front of the door. It belonged to the man whose gaze was locked on me.

I almost didn’t hear the nervous “hi” come from Del’s lips. I could feel myself starting to drown in confusion. But I didn’t know why he was here. I didn’t know if he wanted to talk. I didn’t know if he was in to shop for something. The last thing I wanted to assume was that he was here to talk to me or Daddy. I had to be professional, though. I couldn’t let this get the best of me.

Closing my eyes, I took another breath before I let my gaze travel up to his eyes. The words that fell from my lips sounded hollow to my ears, but I knew they needed to be said. I knew how to treat the customers that came in here. There was a reason the doms that came in here loved me. They knew I was respectful. But my voice shook as I tried to get the words out.^ Welcome to The Shoppe. I’m Cay, Sir. Let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.

Del: -I could hear the tremble in her voice as she spoke and the formality of the words that came from her lips. I had a lot to make up for, and the sound of the greeting she gave me told me all of that without her saying a single thing about it. She didn’t have to.

My fingers were shaking as I moved to take the scarf from around my neck, shrugging the coat off my shoulders and draping them both over my arm. I took a trepidatious step forward, closer to where she stood. Letting out a soft sigh- Cay… -I glanced over to Myrick, not sure which of them I needed to talk to first, or what I needed to say. - Hey, Ricky. -letting out a long breath again- I just… I owe you both an apology.

-I guessed that was the best place to start. Because it was the damn truth. I owed them both a lot more than an apology-

Myrick: -I was still a little dumbstruck as seeing Del enter the room like that. And I still didn’t know what to say. I was scrambling for a reply when he admitted he owed us both an apology, though I wasn’t sure what he was apologizing for. I was willing to hear him out, but I was waiting to hear exactly what he was going to say before I made a judgement.-

Listen, Del. I think you have a lot to explain, and I’m willing to let you explain it. I’m listening, but I’m not promising anything.

-That was as generous as I could be in the moment, but my heart was in my throat. I didn’t know what he was going to tell me or how I was going to be able to wrap my head around it.-

Cay: ^I knew this wasn’t going to be as easy as getting an apology. There was more to it. We needed explanations. Both of us. And I wasn’t entirely sure I was ready to hear what he needed to say to Daddy. But I knew the truth. Whatever was going to come from Del’s mouth was going to create a problem.

I had been good about closing off the wall of feelings I had. I didn’t let Daddy see them. I tried to keep them to myself. I didn’t want Daddy thinking I ever was settling. I wasn’t, and I never had. It was a different way of being complete. It was something I liked. I trusted in what Daddy was giving me. Because I knew to him, it wasn’t about the sex or the control. It was making sure I was in a safe place to give up the control.

I knew with Daddy that there didn’t have to be sex. I could ask for a night of just cuddles, and he would absolutely respect that. With Del, I feared what I would be used for. And being used wasn’t something I could afford.

Taking a breath, I looked at the floor and started to make my way towards the back. I wasn’t sure I wanted to be here while the two of them were talking. I didn’t want to know what I had screwed up with the two of them. Daddy would just tell me I did nothing wrong. Del, who knew. But the truth ran through my mind more than enough times. If I had just stayed at the club, none of this would have happened. My voice was soft as I tried to choke the words out.^ I’ll give the two of you a minute.

Del: -I could hear the sound in her voice, the one that was saying everything to her that my mind had been saying to me over the past few weeks. And that was the last fucking thing I wanted. I wanted her to know how much I needed her, and I didn’t know if I needed to ask her to stay or let her go. I did know that her going was the last thing I wanted to happen.- No, please stay, Cay. I… I need to talk to both of you.

-I wanted to walk over to her, but I wasn’t sure how she’d react, so I just left her be over on the other side of the room. I needed them both closer. This talking out loud across the shelves and racks in the shop was more than I could take. I had to be able to look both of them in the eyes and tell them what I had to say.

I was taking a huge chance here, and I could only hope that it turned out the way I needed it to, that I hadn’t fucked it up past all repair.-

Myrick: -My eyes were dancing back and forth between the two of them like watching a tennis match, waiting to see what was going to happen before I stepped in and spoke, but something told me I needed to speak up or the two of them were never going to get themselves together. Resting my hands on the glass counter top, my stool slid across the tiled floor with an odd scraping sound before I had room to stand up and walk around to the other side of the counter, with a long glance at Cay-

Baby Love, why don’t you go close up shop for awhile and we can talk without being interrupted. I think we’ve all got a lot to say, and no one else needs to walk in on the middle of this. It’s almost time anyhow. A few minutes early won’t matter.

-I tried to offer her a reassuring smile. I knew I needed it as much as she did. I had no idea what was coming, but I had my fingers crossed it wasn’t going to be some of the wrecking ball style stuff that Del was famous for.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head and slowly moved to flip the sign on the door and slid the lock closed. Daddy was right, and there was no arguing with him. I didn’t know where we were going, but I almost didn’t want to know. Because I knew what was standing right in front of me. And I was fucking terrified. Taking the widest path possible, I moved behind the counter and pressed myself as close to Daddy as I could.

I wasn’t even sure how to react. I felt like I had lost the ability to speak. I knew there was more I needed to do after all of this was discussed, but I also knew I wasn’t going to be able to focus on anything. It all boiled down to what Del was about to say.

But I needed him to know what Daddy had done for me in the short time we had been together. I needed him to understand what kind of position I was in because of what we had both done.^ I was a wreck before Daddy came to me. I could barely keep my focus at work. And because of that, I didn’t get an amazing opportunity that I should have. I’ve never been boy crazy. I’ve never felt like I needed a guy to make my life worth living. But then I met you and, in turn, Daddy.

I disappeared from Daddy’s life. I barely felt worthy of having that night with you. I definitely didn’t feel like I deserved that morning with Daddy. When you never came back, I felt justified in my feelings. You didn’t come back because I wasn’t good enough for you. I was never going to be the sub you wanted or needed. I couldn’t handle you. That was everything I thought. I beat myself up for weeks trying to believe that I could move on. That it wasn’t me. But that feeling isn’t an easy one to shake.

^Shaking my head, I could already feel all the frustration and fear rolling through my body. This wasn’t easy to talk about, and it was technically a violation of one of Daddy’s rules. But I always told him that I would come to him when I was feeling down. We would talk about it. Even if it turned into me crying hysterically because I wasn’t enough. Turning my head to Daddy, I let my voice drop to a whisper. A soft moment for the two of us where I knew my own mind was going to get the best of me.^ This is going to send me down a slippery hill, Daddy. And I’m going to struggle. Please don’t punish me if I go too far.

Myrick: -I leaned in to her, tightening my arm around Cay’s waist as she whispered. I knew she was protecting herself the best she could, and I wasn't going to hold that against her. Neither of us knew what to expect out of Del right now and the way she felt about him was precarious at best. She tried not to let me see, but I knew without her talking.  I didn't hold her feelings for him against her, either. She couldn't help them. Hell, my own feelings about him were confusing the life out of me at the moment- it's ok, Baby Love. Just do what you need to do. I'm not going to punish you when you need holding.

-I straightened up to look over to Del, though I kept her curled into my side. He needed to hear what he'd done and the fallout that had resulted from it all. Del did so many things without thinking of anyone but himself. The fact that he was even here now apologizing was amazing, but it wasn't enough- You could have at least told me where to find her, Del. Jesus. -letting out a frustrated sigh- I didn't know. I know you're clearly going through something right now, where you've decided that you don't get to be happy, but I guess that means no one else gets to be happy either. -I didn't know what else to say to him. He was selfish, but he was here  I had to give him credit for that- At least you came. So let's hear your reasoning.

Del. -I listened to everything the two of them had to say to me, letting Cay have her moment to curl into Myrick’s side and call him Daddy. It was frankly nice to see. Ricky deserved that kind of thing, and had for a damned long time. I laid my coat across the counter top and slid my hands into the pockets of my jeans- Because I don't deserve what the two of you have over there. At least not in my mind. I never have. I fucking want it, more than I've ever wanted anything else in my life. And that's why I'm here. -I leaned against the counter and took in a shaky breath. I was scared stupid right now, and I wanted to make sure I didn't screw this up any more than I already had- I fucked up. Okay? I know that. I got scared and I hid from everyone and everything. I'm an idiot. And I probably messed everything up. I'm not dumb or cocky enough to waltz in here and think everything is forgiven or that either of you would even want me in your life after the way I've behaved. I wouldn't blame you for never talking to me again.

-fingers jingling the change in my pocket as I tried to focus. I knew I was babbling and I could feel myself sinking with every admission of how bad I'd messed everything up- I was miserable. And it was my own fault. I'm sorry if I made either of you feel even a quarter of how bad I felt. And it was all my fault. All I had to do was be honest with myself and with the two of you. And to be honest, I'm terrified. I'm terrified at how happy I could be. Because of I'm not happy then I don't have a damned thing to lose. But now, I have everything to lose.

-I looked down at the floor before I could chance a glance up at the two of them. I wasn't even half done with everything I needed to tell them, but I needed to give them a chance to reply. And I had to just breathe for a minute-

Cay: ^I could feel my blood boil at his words. There was one sorry in that entire exchange, and it wasn’t even the most important sorry. It was for making us miserable. That was it. Because it had to be all about Del. It was a trend I was very quickly picking up on. I should have held my tongue. I wasn’t entirely sure what was going to happen, but I couldn’t stand here and let him get away with this. It wasn’t all about him.^

In that entire speech, you said you were sorry one time. You said you were sorry if we were as miserable as you were. So your apology was still self centered. You didn’t apologize to me for losing out on owning a shop I love and put every waking moment into. You didn’t apologize to Daddy for not giving him the information he needed to come after me. Of all the people to apologize to, he deserves it the most. I have spent days and nights apologizing for not coming to him. For waiting for him to come to me. And I owe my boss the world for sending him here. Because she knew how miserable I was. She recognized that Myrick was the only innocent one in this entire situation.

^My hands were fists as I spoke. I wanted to hit something. I wanted to scream. The only thing that kept me grounded was Daddy. I could tolerate a half assed apology to me. I had as much reason to apologize to Del for doing the same thing. But Daddy? Daddy never deserved any of this. I hurt more for him than I hurt for myself.^

You dropped a bomb on him. On a man that struggled to accept what he was as a Daddy already. A man who spent his entire life being groomed for the white picket fence life. And then you walked away. You didn’t say a word. You never gave him a chance to say a word. You avoided him like the plague. You didn’t give him the time of day to understand what was going on in your head. You shut yourself off. Why should I listen? Why should I accept an apology that was self centered? Why should I try to understand what happened? You clearly aren’t trying to understand what happened with either of us individually.

Del: -I heard every word of what she was saying, and none of it was wrong. I was selfish, and self-centered, which was exactly why I didn’t deserve either of them. I’d even fucked up my apology- I’m here, Cay… I came to listen, even if it’s not a skill I’m very comfortable with or good at right now. I’m sorry. You both deserve a hell of a lot better than that, a hell of a lot better than me. And you’re right. Ricky… -I turned to my roommate, offering him the most apologetic look I could muster- You didn’t deserve any of this. You’re worlds better than I will ever be. I know the shit you’ve been through, I was there for most of it, and I still went through the whole damn situation like a bull in a china shop. I’m shitty friend.

-looking over at Cay just in front of him, but smaller so that he could nearly rest his chin on her head- I’m a shitty everything. I’m even shit at apologizing. I’m trying here, though. And I know it’s not fair of me to ask you to give me credit for trying. But he can tell you, I’ve never done anything like this before. And you were right, Amelia is a saint. She’s the only one of us who had enough sense to try fixing the mess I made. I owe her a lot. Even if the two of you decide I’m not worth it.

I know I’m selfish and self-centered. I’ve only been thinking of me for all of my damn life. But that’s not what I want for now. What I want is to think about someone else for the first time in my life. I want to think about you… -looking back up to Myrick- Both of you. And I know that’s a lot to take in Ricky. I know I dropped a bomb in your lap. I know I’m dropping another. And I know it’s going to take a lot of time for us to figure this out, if you two even want to. I just need you to know that I want to.

-takes my hands out of my pockets to thread my fingers together and study my palms for a long moment before I could look up at the two of them. I didn’t deserve to even be here right now. I shouldn’t have barged in on their day unannounced like this, but I was what I was.-

Myrick: -I was just kind of dumbstruck while everything was going down. Cay moved from my side to being in front of me and I rested my hands at her waist, pulling her back into my chest as she leaned forward and let what had been boiling in her mind fly. I could tell there was more there, but she was spent for now. I agreed with everything she said, even though coming to my defense was unnecessary. I was far more worried about her and how all of this had made her feel.

When he started talking, I just froze. I didn’t know what to make of any of this. I’d kind of wiped the whole kiss out of my mind since it happened. I’d chalked it up to something random he decided to do in the heat of the moment. I hadn’t really thought he’d meant it. Though, I had to admit that when I didn’t consciously push it to the back of my mind it popped up unbidden more often than I would admit.

Cay wasn’t wrong when she said I was ill prepared for all of this. My entire upbringing had been getting me ready for law school, to live my parents’ life just like they had. None of this was in the cards for me until it was. Del was the reason for all of that. He’d been the only one to give me the room to figure myself out back then, and as much as he’d been an ass lately, I thought I owed him that much-

Listen, Del. I don’t know what to think. I haven’t for awhile. I know that Cay makes me happy, happier than I’ve been probably ever in my life, and I’m never going to let that go. -I pulled her back in close to me- This is all crazy. Maybe I’m crazy. I’m willing to talk, to try to figure all of this out, if she is. But you fucked up this time, almost past the point of no return.

-I had no idea how I was going to wrap my head around all of this. I’d only said I was willing to talk. I was still so confused about the whole situation involving him. I wasn’t jealous of Cay’s feelings for him. I understood that. I was confused about my feelings for him. Until now, we’d been friends. Things were easy to navigate as friends. This added a whole new dimension to things, one I wasn’t familiar with. It took me out of my hard-won comfort zone and into a whole different place. I had to wrap my head around it, and it wasn’t something I was sure I was going to be able to do-

Cay: ^I didn’t exactly want to listen. I was beyond furious. I didn’t have to. I knew that. I could tell them both that I couldn’t do this and go count the tills. The only thing I could do, right now, was take a breath. I had to stop being irrational. I needed to not fly off the handle. There was absolutely a proper way to do everything. Yelling and screaming at Del was not one of those things.

I hated that he was getting under my skin. I wanted everything to go away. But I couldn’t deny the truth. There was a pull there that I couldn’t deny. And Del was right about one thing. Things felt right when I was with both of them. Granted, being with both of them together was something I still couldn’t begin to think about. I wasn’t going to put Daddy in that place.

But I owed it to Daddy to let Del explain things. We all needed to talk. We needed to figure out where this was going to lead us. Even if we didn’t have an answer tonight, we could at the very least have all of our cards on the table. This wasn’t going to be about me choosing one over the other. If the decision came to that, I knew the answer. But it wasn’t something I wanted to have to do.^ We can stay down here or we can go up to my apartment. Whichever option you feel the most comfortable with. We should talk this out. Responsibly. And without my temper getting into the way.

Del: -I glanced around the shop, taking it in. It was weird to be down here talking all this out with these two. Everything felt like a barrier, standing in between us, something to hide behind, and I was done hiding. Myrick was being forgiving and graceful, like I knew he would be. He would forgive me even when I was wrong, even when I didn’t apologize. It was in his nature, and probably part of the reason I was as spoiled and selfish as I was. I had a friend who made it easy for me.

Cay, on the other hand, wasn’t going to make this easy at all. That was probably exactly what I needed, even if it wasn’t what I wanted. But I knew the two of them were worth the work- Alright, I think we should go upstairs. It might seem a little less weird…

-my hands and shoulders went up in a half shrug- I don’t know. This is awkward, and I know that’s my fault. I just want you two to be as comfortable as possible, so I guess upstairs would be better. I promise to talk this out rationally. I’m not going to lose my cool, but if you do, then I understand. I deserve that too.

-I tried to look Cay in the eye, and I could see that she was raging. I was hoping I didn’t get punched, but that would have been understandable too. Myrick was really all that was holding her back from coming at me full force. She wanted him happy, I could tell by everything she said. And he wanted her happy. It was nice to see if you didn’t also account for the fact that I was keeping that from happening-

Myrick: -my fingers found Cay’s hand, threading between hers to hold her hand in mine. I gave it a gentle squeeze and moved to her side, leaning over to press a kiss to her forehead then whisper in her ear- Come on, let’s go upstairs and at least get comfortable while we talk. We have a lot to talk about and standing here in the middle of the shop is not the place for this. -stealing another gentle kiss before I straightened up and glanced up at Del.

I didn’t really have anything to say to him down here. More than anything, I wanted to hear what he had to say to Cay. I’d deal with my issues when we figured out what we were doing, because at this point I honestly had no clue.-

Cay: ^I nodded my head before looking back at the register. I knew what I needed to do before I went up with them. I had to be somewhat responsible. Even if this was going to lead to a downward spiral, I had to be smart with the shop.^ Take him up, Daddy? I need to get the till in the safe. Even if I don’t come back to it tonight, I need to get it into the safe. I can’t risk it.

^With a nod from Daddy, I watched the two men go up the stairs. I knew I wasn’t going to balance the money right now. I couldn’t leave them upstairs alone. But I did need to take a minute to gather my thoughts. As I pulled the till from the register, I thought about what was about to happen.

I wasn’t entirely sure how to handle the situation at hand. I wasn’t even sure how to handle Del showing up. I didn’t know how I’d react if he had shown up while I was alone. I would have fallen to pieces. There was no doubt in my mind. I felt my stomach start to turn as I punched the code into the safe to open it. I wasn’t sure what the hell was going on with me, but I couldn’t afford for the nerves to get the best of me.

Slamming the safe shut, I made sure the store was locked and dark before setting the alarm. I quickly made my way up the stairs. With another flop of my stomach, I stood outside of my apartment. I wasn’t ready for this. I wasn’t ready to potentially lose Daddy. I wasn’t sure what was going through his mind with everything. I didn’t know how he felt about Del. And my own feelings weren’t even on the table to be opened up. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do.

Taking one more slow breath, I let my hand fall on the doorknob before twisting it and pushing the door open. I wasn’t surprised to find both men sitting there in silence. It seemed this talk was going to be with me or not at all. Quickly moving to the couch, I forced myself into Daddy’s arms. I needed the safety and security that he gave. I wasn’t sure I could do this.^

Myrick: -Leading Del up the stairs to the little apartment behind and above the store was an automatic path for me. I’d been up here dozens of times since I finally found her again, but it was strange to have someone else who wasn’t Cay in tow. All of this was strange. I had no idea how to process what was going on. I wanted to let Del have his say, to let him get out whatever was obviously weighing heavily on his chest.

I hadn’t seen him this repentant or this clearly beaten down since I’d met him. And I hadn’t seen Cay this terrified since I’d met her. I wasn’t sure how to handle this. Sitting in silence while we waited for her to come up from downstairs was the only thing I could think of, because I literally had no idea what to say.

My heart thumped against the inside of my chest when she walked in and immediately curled into my lap, my arms going around her to pull her close and keep her there. It was what she needed. I knew it just from the look in her eyes. She needed to know I wasn’t going anywhere no matter what happened right now. I leaned in close just for her, whispering against the shell of her ear- This doesn’t change how I feel about you at all, Baby Love. Nothing here does. I’m here until you tell me to go.

-The words were soft, quiet, just a breath against her skin and meant only for her. I gave her that moment, just letting the heat from my skin soak into hers as she slightly relaxed into my embrace before I even acknowledged that he was there- Alright, Del. Whatever you have to say, say it.

Del: -It had been a mercy that things were silent when we walked up the stairs and settled down into the two chairs. Cay walking in had only interrupted that for a moment, and then the awkward silence settled back into place while I let them have their moment. I had no damned idea what I was doing here. I had no clue what I was going to say. I was pretty sure I was going to fuck this up as badly as I had fucked everything else up since the day I started making decisions for myself.

Where was I going to start? I didn’t even know what to tell myself. How do I explain all of this? I started to talk four times, getting a half a word out before starting over as it choked itself into silence in my throat. Finally, I just threw my hands in my lap. There was nothing else to do except throw it out there.- God, I’m a selfish fuck. But your friend, Amelia… she’s a smart woman. Smarter than I’ll ever fucking be. She had me figured out from the minute I opened my mouth. I couldn’t hide shit from her, not even shit I was hiding from myself. -I realized I was babbling, that the two of them would have no real idea what I was talking about, so I started over, back to the beginning of all of this.- Cay, when I walked up to you in the club, I had no idea what I was getting into, none. I thought it was a thing, fun but nothing serious, and then you happened. I don’t know how. I’ve always been the guy who walked away from anything before it got serious, before anyone go feelings involved. But, fuck me, I had feelings for you from the minute your lips hit mine. You can ask him, I don’t fall asleep with people. It’s not my thing. People fall asleep in my bed, and I wind up on the couch or just don’t sleep at all, and then you came along. All I fucking wanted was to wake up with that red hair spread across my pillows or chest or whatever the hell else you wanted to rest your head on. -It was pouring out of me now. After holding back so long, the pressure built up until it was like a dam breaking, words spewing out and telling them everything I’d been afraid to say to even myself-

And then the next damned morning, when I walked downstairs to grab a cup of coffee, there the two of you were, splayed out across the kitchen counter like some kind of crazy wet dream. I wasn’t even upset, cause it was probably the second hottest thing that has even run through my mind. I’m not going to lie.

And it was only the second hottest thing because the first was the same damn situation with me in the middle. -I studied my hands carefully while I let the rest come out. I didn’t have it in me to look Myrick in the eye while I was talking- And no it’s not just about that. It’s not just about the sex. Sex is easy. It’s just an act. The thing that hit me hard, the thing that had me walking across the kitchen to plant that kiss on Daddy over there… -I took a breath, not sure if I should go on but damned certain I couldn’t stop now if I wanted to- I saw a whole hell of a lot more than that. I’m an asshole, but I want both of you. I can’t and I won’t lie and say I don’t. I’m not stupid enough to think I’ll get it, but it’s the first thing I’ve ever really wanted that wasn’t 100% selfish. Maybe that sounds stupid, because wanting to have two people instead of one is probably the definition of selfish, but I want the two of you happy. If that means happy without me, then that’s what it is. I know you found each other. I’m glad you did. -I took a breath finally, now that my lungs were burning from lack of oxygen with the words that had come all in one long exhale. Chancing a glance up at Cay first. I was less scared of her reaction to this than Myrick’s. She could slap me or yell at me again. I deserved both of those. I was entirely afraid I’d broken him though. I couldn’t bring myself to even try to see-

He deserves happy, and he needs you. -biting down on my lip- He’s been through a lot of bullshit. I was probably part of that bullshit. And like I said. I want you happy. Both of you. Whether I get to be part of that or not. But fuck do I ever want to be part of that. -I glanced away, back down to my hands when I felt the corners of my eyes sting and my throat close up-

Cay: ^I could hear the words echoing in my head. “I want you to be happy.” I was. And the road to get here wasn’t easy. I had already been through so much. My self worth had taken hit after hit with Del. And here he was telling me that he wanted nothing more than me and Daddy to be happy. How was I supposed to react to that?^

Amelia is responsible for a lot of things. But how many weeks ago did she come to you? Should I assume that it was the same time that Myrick came to me? I thought she beat sense into you. I thought she saw you in a way that no one else saw you. But you still took this much time to come to both of us? I don’t know the answer here, Del. I don’t know what to say.

^I took a breath before looking up at Daddy. There was a lot I needed to say, and I had to be honest. The worst part was that I knew that, one way or another, someone was going to be hurt. In reality, they were both going to be hurt. But I couldn’t just sit on this. I couldn’t tell him that he was an asshole for hiding his feelings when I was doing the same. But I needed to have Daddy be okay with this.^

There is nothing I want more than to be sandwiched between the two of you. To submit to both of you is probably one of the hottest things I can imagine. I’ve wanted you from the moment you walked up to me. I’ve wanted someone like you for awhile. And then I met Daddy. And he gave me something that you haven’t been willing to give me. He doesn’t shut me out. He doesn’t hide from me. We talk things through. I take his rules into consideration with every move I make. But if he can’t do this, I’m with him. He came to me first. He showed me that he cared. And he’s the one that we screwed over by hiding. But he’s the one that protects me. He’s the one who makes sure I don’t feel like I’m nothing. I’m constantly reminded that I’m lucky he still wants me after I ran from him. I don’t know what I’d do without him.

Del: -I was fighting the urge to just give up and walk away, because I was pretty sure I was going to be the one who would end up getting hurt here, and I was pretty sure I deserved it. But I needed to stay here. I had to fight for it, even if that meant fighting with Cay and Myrick.- It was weeks. Yeah, it was the same day. And fuck me if I didn’t screw up. That’s why I’m here, to admit I’m a god damned fuck up. He’s worlds better than me. I’ve always known that. Thanks for reminding me. -I took a deep breath and tried to calm my nerves. The last thing I needed right now was to go off on Cay, even though I could hear the blood rushing through my ears and feel the heat rising up from the collar of my shirt through my neck-

I don’t know what to tell you to say. I’m a fuck up. Tell me to leave. I’ll leave. I’ll walk away right now and let the two of you have it. You won’t ever see me again if that’s the way you want it. -I somehow found the courage to look over at Myrick. I could see he was dumbfounded, but this was as much for him as it was for her- That goes for both of you. I’m not going to kick you out, Ricky. You know that’s not my style, but I’ll leave the city. I’ll go back to Vegas. I don’t want to, but I will. I’d much rather stay, and try to fight for a chance to have something I probably don’t and won’t ever deserve.

I’m lucky you haven’t kicked me out already. -I took a deep breath in, letting it out in one long, shaky exhale.- I don’t know how to convince you to let me try. I didn’t come. I was scared. I was stupid. She came, and what she saw I don’t know. I don’t see it.

Myrick: -Del was babbling, and I was sitting here trying to process everything. I needed to figure out how to protect the girl in my lap from any of the fallout from this first. She was my top priority in all of this. Even if I never figured out how I felt about any of it, I wanted to know how she felt about it.

She wanted this. I knew that. I’d always known that. Del was an idiot for sabotaging that for himself. Some part of me just wanted to open up and tell them both to quit fighting it and just give up already. It was probably inevitable. It didn’t bother me that she wanted him. I was happy just to be able to have the piece of her that I had-

Hey, you two… -I knew my voice was soft, but that it carried. I kept my arms around her and pulled her close to my chest- Just know this. I’m not going anywhere. I’m right here. Whatever the two of you decide. I honestly have no clue what to tell you about how I feel about you, Del. I’m confused. I’ve been confused for weeks. I’ll figure it out, but it’ll take time either way. I know how I feel about her. And I’m going to protect her from everything I can. If you’re not serious about this, walk away. She can’t do this if you’re not.

-I leaned in closer and brushed a kiss across Cay’s cheek- Baby Love, whatever you say to him changes nothing between us. I’m not going anywhere. You’re not going to lose me, and we’re not going to lose this. I promise you. But I know how you feel about him. And I know that something in you is never going to be able to move on unless you give him a chance. That’s ok with me. I need you happy.

Cay: ^He needed me happy. Did I truly deserve to be happy after everything I had put him through? Yet, here he was. Sacrificing what he wanted to give me something I wanted. I wasn’t sure how it was going to work. But I needed him to know that this was never something I was going to take for granted. He needed to know exactly what I felt for him. As the tears started to prick my eyes, I turned so I was looking only at my Daddy. I wasn’t sure if this was the right moment for it, but it needed to be said. My words were only for him, but it didn’t matter if Del heard them. They affected him just as much.^ You make me happy. And while you know that I have feelings for him, I’m in love with you. I can’t do this unless you’re okay with it.

^The subtle nod of Daddy’s head gave me some kind of strength. I needed to address this before I let anything go any further. There was so much going through my head that I wasn’t sure where to begin. But I knew what I wanted to say. I also knew that if I didn’t think everything through, I wasn’t going to give myself the chance to talk myself out of things. Turning away from Daddy, I pegged the man across from me with a stare.

All of this wasn’t just about giving him what he wanted. It was giving the three of us a chance to explore what this was, and if there was a reason to let it grow. But it was also something that could destroy all of us. I couldn’t risk it. I needed everything to be on the table. I needed my rules to be on the table.^ I want to try with you. I want to be the most selfish girl in the world. I want to have a Daddy and a Sir. I want both of you. And I would be lying if I said I didn’t want the two of you to try something together. But I won’t push Daddy into it. If this is what he’s okay with, than this is what we did.

You cannot run. There is no option of running. This isn’t a relationship that will survive if any one of us runs. You cannot shut us out. You can’t shut me out. You can’t shut him out. Because the two of you are going to need to figure out how all of this works. I can be told when and where to be, but the two of you need to work it out. Daddy knows my limitations. Especially since I run a business.

^Looking at the ground, I wasn’t sure how the next part of this would go. I knew what I wanted to say, but I knew Del would beat himself up over all of it. But again, communication was the key to everything here. I couldn’t lie to him about what I needed. I needed this before we could take a step into a playroom.^ We also can’t go into a playroom. Not yet. We need to start from scratch. We need to establish a relationship. I need to trust you again before we take that step. You have to prove to me that this isn’t just about wanting a sub. You claim to want me and Daddy in a way you have never wanted anyone else, so prove it. Show me that I’m not just a hole to stick your dick into.

Myrick: -I just sat and listened, shocked for a moment, but pleasantly so at the words that came out of Cay’s mouth. She had a point, and she was making it eloquently enough. She wasn’t asking for too much, and as much as she was insistent that she was selfish, I saw it as anything but. She didn’t have to give him a chance; she didn’t have to give me a chance either. She could have been selfish and kept herself away from both of us. Instead, she was willing to share herself with both of us. I didn’t think now was the time to tell her so though.

Instead, I leaned in and whispered against her ear as she waited for Del to reply- I love you, too. -tightening my arms around her and pulling her back into my chest again. I hadn’t said those words to anyone in that context in years. No one I had dated, not the last sub I’d worked with, no one, not since my first girlfriend in college when I went and got my heart broken and handed back to me in pieces before I knew what I was doing. This was different than any of that.

I didn’t know how this was going to end, but I hoped it ended for the better. There was every possibility that we were all going to end up hurt, but there was also every possibility that we were all going to end up happy. Right now, the next part of this was all in Del’s hands.-

Del: -Cay was right. There was no denying that. At least she was giving me a chance. I’d just been waiting for her to kick me out all this time. I wouldn’t have blamed her. It was well within what she would have been right to do. I just had my fingers crossed for more. She was laying her rules for this relationship out on the line. I’d lived in the whole BDSM world long enough to be used to rules, only I was the one who was usually laying out rules. Not that I’d had anyone who I’d spent enough time around to have a standing set of rules with anyone, and the more that I thought about it, the more I understood her point. I wasn’t reliable, at least I hadn’t proven myself to be. And trust was everything in what we were going in to. I had to give her a reason to trust me.-

Then we take our time. I’m willing to do it. I want this; I didn’t lie about that. And you’re far from just a hole to stick anything in. If it takes time for you to understand that, then we take however long you need. You’re worth it. -glancing over at Myrick- You’re both worth it. And if you never decide I’m there, then at least I got the chance. That’s more than I should ask for.  

Cay: ^I couldn’t help the small smile that was tugging at my lips as Daddy told me he loved me, too. It wasn’t a sentiment I had ever experienced. But to have it with him was everything to me. I wanted to cry, but I refused to show that kind of weakness. Besides, it hadn’t ever been something I did. I didn’t cry about things. That was a useless thing to do.

I nodded my head as Del spoke his peace. He was willing to go there for me. He was going to do something that he probably hadn’t ever done. He was putting everything aside to give me the chance to get comfortable with him. To trust him again. He was giving into my rules. Taking a breath, I gave him a small smile.^ I’m giving you a chance, Sir. Please don’t let me down.

^I let out an audible groan as my stomach let out a growl. I hadn’t exactly eaten all day. The shop had been busier than normal, and I didn’t want to leave Daddy alone in case someone showed up. But as the minutes passed, I knew what I wanted. It was going to be a hike, but I could have Daddy go grab it while I was counting the drawers. Grabbing the closest piece of paper, I quickly wrote down an order of fried wontons, beef udon, and the mongolian beef dinner special my favorite Thai place had. Holding the paper out to Daddy, I turned my attention back to the man in front of me.^ Can Daddy and I have the night to discuss things? Just so we can set boundaries in our relationship where you are concerned, Sir?

Del: -After expecting to be thrown out since I walked into the place, being asked to leave so they could discuss things was a nice relief. It wasn't forever. It was for one night- You absolutely can. But if he's okay with it, I'd like us to all spend some time together soon. -slides my hands into my pockets nervously before I realize I have to grab my coat and the scarf I stole before I can make an exit. My hands fumble out of the pockets and somehow find their way into the sleeves of the coat I brought without much incident, draping the scarf across my shoulders while my hands still grip the tails that drape across my chest.- I just… I don't want to waste any more time than I already have. -nodding before I make my goodbyes and walk myself down to the front door-

Myrick: -I pocketed the order knowing exactly what she was asking for as I made my way to the stairs behind Del, pausing for only a moment to steal a kiss from Cay before I follow him down- I love you, Baby Love. I'll be back soon. -fingers brushing her hair back behind one ear before I go to let him out the door.

We didn't speak.  I wasn't sure if it was because we'd said everything that there was to be said or because neither of us quite knew what to say to the other. I knew how to unlock the door and let him out, and how to lock it back behind me before I made my way out into the street to go pick up dinner for the two of us. She was going to have her usual, and I was probably going to wind up with mine. It was a comfortable routine, and I loved it.

I paused on the street, my hand going right for Del’s arm- Promise me one thing, Delly. Promise me you won't mess this up. She's good for you. She's good for both of us. And I'm not going to be able to forgive you this time if you ruin this for her. -I was putting a lot into this. I'd forgiven him so many times for so many things, but I meant what I said this time. This was the line-

Del: -Myrick’s hand on my arm wasn't what I expected. Neither were the words that came out of his mouth when I turned to face him, but he was right. He'd always forgiven me, no matter what kind of trouble I'd gotten the both of us into. I knew this time was different. But the sound of my nickname coming from his mouth brought an unbidden grin to my face- I promise, Ricky. I can't afford to fuck this up for either of us. I'm going to give this one all I've got. -I couldn't stop myself from reaching up to pat his cheek with a soft chuckle before I walked off down the street. I'd sent the car off earlier, and I didn't intend to call it back. I needed the time to think, and a walk and maybe a subway ride might give me the time I needed for it.-  

Cay: ^As soon as I heard the door close, I felt myself sag back against the couch for a second. I needed a minute to process everything. Just to take some time to breathe. I didn’t have to worry about keeping a mask on for either of the men that had been sitting in front of me. I wasn’t entirely sure of what was going to happen. There were a million and one different choices in this situation. But it was something I wanted to talk to Daddy about first.

We both could say that things were never going to change, but we knew the reality of our situation. Conversation was always going to be the most important thing. We needed to talk about everything before we could take another step.

Sending him to a Thai place that was on the other side of the Bronx hadn’t been a mistake. I needed the time to consider what I was doing. I needed some time. Besides, in my opinion, Shangrila was one of the best places in the borough. I wanted the Mongolian Beef badly. And for some reason, it was all I could think about.

As I got to the office, I stopped as I stared at the calendar. I hadn’t thought about the days of the week or anything else since I was almost always in the shop. But I felt myself doing the math as I thought back to the last time I had a period. Before I met Del at the club. My eyes went wide as I tried to figure out what the fuck was going on. Two months. At least.

I was moving in autopilot as I counted the money. There was so much going through my head that the obvious question didn’t sink in until I was locking the safe. If I was pregnant, whose was it? Sir and Daddy were both options. Reaching for my cell, I texted Cassi and asked if she could watch over the shop tomorrow. I couldn’t not go to the doctor. I had to know. ^

#IfYouLoveMeDontLetGo