#nonbinary people existing in the middle of this binary discourse is just hell

[cardentist]

I’ve been having a hard time figuring out how to word this, specifically because I don’t know how to get at the idea that’s specifically bothering me without opening a conversation about a dozen other interweaving issues. so please bare in mind that what I’m saying is in the context of a broader set of issues that I’m not specifically going to get into here (or at least I’m gonna try not to).

to rip the band aid off, I’m uncomfortable with the fact that trans men have been so minimized in discussions about transphobia and specifically pitted against trans women (as if recognizing their own oppression somehow takes oppression away from trans women) to the point that trans men can’t talk about their oppression in their own spaces without having to minimize themselves.

this isn’t unique to trans men nor is it one-sided, but the normalization of it not just in lgbt+ spaces but on tumblr in General is just mind-boggling.

like even taking the common justifications and logic behind this at face value it’s Blatantly clear that there’s a specific bias in play against trans men. like, it’s insisted that trans men don’t experience misogyny because they are men and therefor they are less oppressed. gay men are men and therefore don’t face misogyny, so it stands to reason that they are less oppressed than lesbians

how many posts about the generalized hatred of non-heterosexuality is specifically referred to as lesbophobia and nothing else. how many posts calling out lesbophobia reminds people that what’s being described could never happen to gay men. how often has a gay man had to derail a post talking about his experiences to clarify that he Knows lesbians are more oppressed than he is or else face the possibility of people getting angry at him for trying to insist that he’s more oppressed than them Because he’s speaking up at all.

recognizing the existence of gay men and their oppression is not treated like a threat to lesbians and their oppression. we all know that it’s important to recognize the differences in experiences between gay men and lesbians but we don’t use those differences as an excuse to speak over or silence gay men. (or rather, it’s called as being wrong when it Does happen.)

the constant minimization here isn’t being used to remind people of where we need to allocate our funds in non-profits or to remind people be Mindful of groups of people who face multiple axis’ of oppression, it’s being used to silence people and push them out of their spaces.

trans men are put in boxes and shaken Far More than their cis counterparts are in the wider community, and I wouldn’t be the first person to point out that it’s terf logic being applied to trans people with the caveat of believing the trans person is correct about their gender. I think that’s also why people jump to the opposite so quickly. people who’ve internalized Men Bad Horrible Invaders and cope with that by pointing it at another target would feel threatened by that target insisting that they’re wrong specifically Because they were already afraid of it being used against them. it’s understandable but it isn’t actually appropriate.

the fact that rowling’s terf manifesto explicitly targeted trans men (and specifically trans men’s reproductive health) while she’s Only been called out for transmisogyny is a problem. the fact that trans men have to grovel and minimize their experiences to be allowed to talk without incident is a problem. the fact that people are allowed to just Announce that specific experiences Exclude trans men without being challenged is a problem (and the fact that people who Do challenge it are painted as the ones doing the silencing is just fucking gross).

none of this is me saying that trans men are inherently more oppressed than trans women, but that at this point I think just asking the question is harmful to the conversation we’re trying to have. it isn’t useful when talking about individual experiences because individual people are going to have their experiences whether it’s more or less likely to happen to them or not. an individual trans woman isn’t “inherently” more or less oppressed than an individual trans man because their identities don’t dictate their lived experiences on their own.

all we’ve done is hurt and isolate people in our bid to “prove” that they’re the loser here. it is, for instance, A Lot More Difficult to have a nuanced discussion about trans men’s experiences with misogyny and how those experiences evolve over time and affect our relationship with our gender and ourselves when half of the live studio audience is angry that we’ve suggested that trans men have experiences with misogyny at all