#nofathersday

[avoidedentity]

Listening to “Trying My Best”-Anson Seabra

Dear No One,

I don’t think Father’s Day is fair. I don’t think Mother’s Day is fair either, but I’ll talk about that another time.

For example, some people don’t have dads, or some people have bad dads, or some people have dads that make themselves look good in public. And then everyone criticized the kids of those dads for not celebrating.

Father’s Day (or Mother’s Day) also isn’t fair because they choose to have us, and then the expect we celebrate them. I know the details of how I was created. They didn’t want me, so why celebrate?

And on top of that, my dad is a dick. He missed pretty much everything from August 2006ish (around the time I was 5) to August 2019. Then I came out to him as a trans guy, he seemed supportive until I got back home, and his dickness has shined brightly since. I mean, I’m afraid to come out to him again because I’m afraid to bring it up around him!

He thinks that showing love is spending money. It’s not. Showing love is calling your kid by their name and correct pronouns and talking to them to understand instead of continuously misgendering and deadnaming them and telling everyone behind their back that if they change their last name they’ll be cut out of the will.

Point is, Father’s Day isn’t fair. Some people have great dads. Great for them. But some don’t, and I’m tired of the guilt that comes with being forced to celebrate someone who’s never even told me that he is proud of me. It’s bullshit.

[phoenixrocket1987]

A Nod to the Fatherless

Part of why I am writing this blog in general is to put my thoughts out there and to hopefully help people along the way. Not knowing my biological father is not a new phenomena. It is something that many have dealt with and I am no different. So here is my story. My biological is alive and I do know what he looks like and have even spoken to him on the phone a couple of times. Growing up was always a little different for me. I had a mother who assumed both roles of mother and father, a grandmother, uncle, and grandfather. We all lived together and in different combinations from time to time. To say my family was abnormal and non nuclear would be an understatement. I was always a jealous kid. Jealous of those who had dads and more importantly good meaningful relationships with them. I had fatherly type figures in my life. My uncle and grandpa would assume those roles at times as they were needed, Im not sure if they even knew that or were just living their life. My uncle had a daughter who my jealousy was displayed toward on a more than regular basis when she was around. She would come to stay with us for 45 days every summer, and my job or so I made it was to make her life a living hell. Now at the time I didn't know that what I was feeling was jealousy. My actions I still feel terrible about to this day. If she would talk to the family now I would apologize. I lost my uncle in 2000 and my grandfather in 2004. Both hit me very hard, I was 13 and 17 respectively. It was after my pas death that I listened to other family members and decided that I needed to seek out my biological. I called him, he was more receptive than I thought but when I asked why he wasn't around he told me to ask my mother. I had, and that was the problem. I was willing to hear his side of the story. My parents were young and dumb they had me when I was 18 I believe. Both too young to have kids. That's not to say you cant be that age and have kids but they weren't ready for it I don't think. So his answer was disappointing to me since I had talked to my mother and she had always been open about the situation and still is to this day. The emotion that I struggled with the most was anger. It is something that I still struggle with to this day. I have a much better handle on it than I did in years past. It was hard for me to deal with the situation. I would ask myself "what did I do wrong?" Or "What is wrong with me?" For those that are reading this that are in the same situation know that none of it is your fault. You did nothing wrong. I struggled growing up being in situations where dads were around. Particularly when it came to sports. I always had support of some kind in the stands but it always bothered me a little when kids would be greeted by their dads after a game with a "great job," and though I got those it never really held the same as if a dad would have told me the same thing. It is because of these feelings that I lashed out all through my youth. I would get mad, argue, hit things, fly off the handle. When I was confronted with the cause of it and eventually broke down to say it was because I didn't know my father I was always told things like "You're better off without him," or "You shouldn't worry about that," these are great in theory and easy to say by anyone but no one understood how I felt. There were times that I felt alone, felt wrong, useless, and a number of any other negative emotion that you can think of. I know my family thought they were helping by telling me not to worry, but that didn't make my feelings go away, those were just words. My mom dated and even married at one time but those guys always went away, after I would get attached. Sometimes I would blame myself not understanding that what happened between adults was between adults and didn't have as much to do with me. So here is what I have learned in 30 years of living. While I am no expert on this topic I have dealt with it for my whole life. My feelings are what they are. There is nothing that can change that but time and forgiveness. To answer the question you may be asking, yes I have forgiven him but not in the traditional sense. I have not vocally said to him yes I forgive you. I have just gotten to a point in life that I do not worry about it, because I gave it power over me. In taking power over the situation there was a sort of forgiveness that took place. I don't let it bother me in the ways that I did when I was younger. I have 2 siblings through him that I have met and gotten to know. It is awkward for a number of reasons but I have always wanted to know them since I knew of their existence. I also never held anything against them because he was a dad to them. But they had nothing to do with the situation. I am glad that they have accepted me and allowed me into their life. After years of talking to those I trust and reading others experiences I learned that it wasn't my fault and I am and will continue to be ok. I do now have a wonderful stepfather who I get along with greatly. While I may never understand the relationship between a father and a son I am glad he is in my life and I have someone I can talk to. The situation is what it is and I know that one day I will be an amazing father because I don't want any kid to have to deal with what I have dealt with. That is the greatest gift that my father could have given me. To those who may or may not be reading this. Those that may be in a similar situation or just want to talk about it. I keep my inbox open for you. Please don't hesitate to reach out.

[raamartink]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[eliyahuisrael-blog]

#Repost @amarisora ・・・ #Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[regi-cain]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke (at Anchorage, Alaska)

[seed-of-israel-blog]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[ajoakqueen]

Happy Father's Day #fathersday #happyfathersday #nofathersday #PTX

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[sakuramyeon]

Happy Fathers Day! #fathers day #too soon #nofathersday #grewupwithnodad #idonthaveafather #happyfathersday

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke

[iuicmiami]

#Fathers Day is another man made created "Holy Day" to keep the Israelites in sin! It's Nowhere in the scriptures! Learn the truth with #IUIC at Israelunite.org Colossians 2:8 Beware lest any man spoil you through philosophy and vain deceit, after the tradition of men, after the rudiments of the world, and not after Christ. #NoFathersDay #TruthHurts #BabyDaddyDrama #Lies #WakeUp #Dad #Daddy #Israelites #12TribesRising #TrueGospel #WakeUp #Israel #Jews #TheRestoration #StayWoke