#noel ( ft. morgan weston )

[janatm]

if I'm a man that makes me a muppet of a man || NORGAN

tagging: Morgan Weston ( @deejayisms ) & Noel Ramos Lopez

date & time: Thursday, November 7, 2024 after 4:00 pm

location: Noel's apartment

warnings: physical fight

summary: As soon as Eva told Morgan and Puck about her and Noel hooking up, Morgan left and immediately landed on Noel's front door. And somehow a black eye turns into a pep talk.

word count: 3,720

MORGAN could feel his thoufhts turn to fire. The betrayal tore through him with each step, tightening his fists until his knuckles went white. He wasn’t just angry - he was gutted. Noel, of all people. The guy that he looked up to, one of Morgan’s inner circle friends; he must’ve known how much he cared about Eva and still he went after her like it meant nothing. When he got to Noel’s place, Morgan barely registered the people who glanced at him as he stormed up the stairs without any shoes on. He didn’t bother knocking. He pounded on the door, fists ready and heartbeat thundering so loudly he could barely think straight. But his mind kept looping back to one thought: She needed someone, and it was you. You took advantage of that. The second the door opened, Morgan didn’t waste any time. He shoved his way in, clenching his fists as he felt the burn in his chest. It wasn’t even Noel’s face he saw - it was the betrayal written in every casual gesture, every easy smile, every time they’d talked like brothers. And all the while, Noel had been with Eva, crossing the line as if it meant nothing. As if Morgan meant nothing. And the worst of it? It wasn’t just Noel. He’d let himself trust him. Without another word, he let his fist fly, the impact bringing him a brief, fleeting sense of satisfaction. It barely scratched the surface of what he felt - how it tore him apart, how it felt like he’d just lost one more thing he couldn’t afford to lose. The hollow, aching feeling surged back, overwhelming any anger left in him. He clenched his jaw, trying to steady his breath, but it didn’t change what he’d just done. Or what Noel had done. For a moment, he almost wanted to apologize, but then his thoughts circled back to Eva, how she’d looked at him earlier with that guarded softness, as if she was testing her own ability to forgive. And now he was back here, right back to the anger and the hurt, back to being the guy who couldn’t let go, even when he knew he had to.

NOEL was having a good fucking day. It's important that's stated because it all went to shit, unexpectedly and in a single second.The banging on his door, should have been the first red flag. But he's got neighbors who think knocking like they're the Feds is hilarious. They're mostly teenagers and it's kind of a bit they do at this point and he doesn't much mind it. So imagine his surprise when instead of two adolescent boys appearing before him when he open his door, it was a fully grown, arguably overgrown, man. Specifically, his friend, Morgan and he was shoving his way into his place. Clearly fucking pissed. At first he figured something must have happened with his parents or grandparents, maybe someone was being a fucking asshole at the grocery store. "Hey, man, calm down what happe-" Before he could even think about finishing his last word there was a sharp pain followed by a throbbing one on his cheek. Now, normally he could have avoided that, but it never occured to him that Morgan would punch him in the fucking face. Solving the taller man away from him, before he started swinging again, he gingerly touched his cheek, just to make sure no serious damage was done. Then he looked at his friends, baffled, bewildered, confused as confused can be. "What the fuck?!" He exclaimed, and getting Noel to raise his voice was a god damn feat.

MORGAN’s blood was still boiling, his knuckles still stinging as he stood in Noel’s doorway, breath coming fast and sharp. He’d never wanted to hit a friend before, let alone this friend, but seeing Noel’s face just set something off inside him. That cocky, clueless look only made him angrier. Noel’s shout barely registered. All Morgan could think about was how betrayed he felt, how Noel had looked him dead in the eyes a hundred times, laughing, sharing advice, pretending to give a damn about the people Morgan loved most in the world. And then he’d gone and done this. ’What the hell, Morgan?’ Noel’s voice broke through his thoughts, but it didn’t cool him down. If anything, it set him off even more. “What the hell?” Morgan echoed, voice low and dangerous. “You’re seriously gonna stand there, askin’ me that like you don’t know? After what you did with Eva?” His voice shook with rage. “You. Of all people.” His jaw clenched, and he had to force himself to stay still, fists still balled, even though part of him was itching to throw another punch just to get the rest of the betrayal out. “You think you get a pass because we’re friends? Because I trusted you? She was hurting, Noel! And you-…I- God! Morgan didn’t care that he sounded like a mess right now. He didn’t care that he was practically baring his soul in the middle of Noel’s apartment. He reached and grabbed a hold of Noel’s shirt, pushing him up against the wall. “I’m in love with her, and you- you’re my friend! You, my friend, went a fucked the girl that I’m in love with!” He sighed, and let him go again. “I thought you were better than this,” he finally said, voice quieter, but every word cut sharp and raw. “But I guess I was wrong.”

NOEL was having a hard time hearing with the ringing in his ears. Thankfully, it wasn't the first time he'd been punched and knowing him, it would be the last. But god damn did Morgan put some power behind that shit. Forcing himself not to focus on the throbbing in his face, he maintained distance as Morgan started speaking, and this time when he grabbed him, he knew it was coming and he let it happen. Whatever was going on, was tearing his friend up inside and if this was gonna help him through then, Noel has taken a hit for a hell of a lot less. Suddenly all the pieces started to click into place and the picture it painted was messy as hell. As Morgan let go of him, he fully process the scope of the situation and there was really only one place for him to start. So he sighed, and went to get himself some ice for his face. When he came back he sat down, "I didn't know, man. I met her right before the earthquake and we've hung out a couple times and only hooked up the once. She never gave the impression she was hurting and she never mentioned you." Looking at his friend, making sure to make eye contact. "I did not know." he said with eveery ounce of honesty he held.

MORGAN’s anger had fizzled the moment Noel spoke, each word slicing through his chest and leaving him raw and empty. He hadn’t even realized he was holding his breath until Noel came back, sitting down with an ice pack pressed to his face. Every bit of rage he’d brought with him was slipping away, leaving nothing but the hollow ache that’d been sitting under the surface ever since he’d found out about Eva and Noel. He took a long, shuddering breath, his fists unclenching as he stared down at the floor. All the shouting and fighting in the world couldn’t change the fact that Noel didn’t know. And it couldn’t stop the truth that he’d lost something precious - maybe even more than he’d realized. The hurt he felt didn’t just come from Noel, he knew that much. Noel was just a piece of the puzzle. The real pain, the deep, gut-wrenching agony - came from knowing he was losing Eva, piece by piece, choice by choice, based off of his own actions. It didn’t matter how many times he’d tried to tell her, tried to show her how much he cared; somehow, he’d messed up so badly she hadn’t even mentioned him to someone he thought was a friend. Morgan ran a hand over his beard, swallowing the knot in his throat. He could feel Noel’s eyes on him, could see the confusion and regret in his expression. And suddenly, he didn’t feel like fighting anymore. He didn’t feel like yelling or throwing accusations or trying to prove anything. “You…you really didn’t know?” he asked finally, his voice barely above a whisper. There was no anger in it, no bitterness - just a raw vulnerability that felt unfamiliar and exposed. “She never said a thing? Not even that we were trying to work things out for a moment?” His voice broke a little, the words scraping out like sandpaper.

NOEL felt the throbbing pain start to numb and was equally glad to see the fight dissipate from Morgan's demeanor. The last thing he wanted to do was fight a friend, especially in his own home. Plus. it sounded like he needed to get some things off his chest and at this point, Noel owed him. Even if he hadn't known about him and Eva, hurt was still caused, maybe it's not betrayal, but it's something close, regardless. It was breaking his heart to hear Morgan ask about what Eva did, or rather, didn't mention to him about her, seemingly complicated relationship with the horse wrangler. It felt cruel to answer his questions, so instead, he got up and went over to the taller man, and put a hand on his shoulder, hoping it offered even the smallest bit of comfort. "I wish I could tell you what you wanna hear, but I've only talked to her two or three times and she never mentioned anyone else. Not even a complicated thing with someone else. And I don't know her well enough to know if she was hurting or in a bad head space or trying to excape or something." He answered honestly, knowing it wasn't going to make the man feel better, but figuring he should know. "We were suppose to catch up anyway. So why don't you sit down and fill me in on all this. I'm not saying it'll fix it, but kinda seems like you need to say it to someone and I owe you."

MORGAN stared at the floor, his mind swirling as Noel’s hand rested on his shoulder. He didn’t know how to start, or even if he wanted to say anything at all. Talking about Eva and Puck with Noel felt strange now - almost too personal, too raw to share, even though he’d already broken through the man’s front door and clocked him square in the face. But Noel was right; he needed to let it out, maybe even more than he’d realized. With a heavy sigh, Morgan lowered himself onto the couch. “I don’t even know where to start,” he admitted, the words barely more than a whisper. “I guess…I don’t know. I’m just so goddamn tired, man.” He paused, his throat tightening. “I love them, both of them. Hell, I’ve never felt anything like that before, you know? Didn’t think it was possible to care about two people like that.” He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “Turns out, that’s exactly what happened. Thought if I loved them hard enough, held on tight enough, I could make it work. Make us work. And for a while, we did.” Morgan’s hands gripped his knees, his knuckles white with tension. “But then I screwed it all up,” he said, voice wavering. “I didn’t communicate, I misunderstood what we were agreeing to, and then I ended up with Serena. It wasn’t even supposed to happen. I was just…lost, I guess. Eva and I had been fighting, and then Puck- he…found somebody else during that damn lockdown.” He shook his head, unable to keep the bitterness from creeping in. “I’ve tried to show them how much they meant to me after, tried to make it right. Flowers, food, serenading them; everything I could think of. Even got this damn tattoo,” he muttered, gesturing to his ribs, where the inked heart with Eva’s and Puck’s names was hidden under his shirt. “Didn’t matter. Nothing's changed. And now…I feel like I’m running in circles, trying to win back people who’ve already walked away.” Morgan leaned back, the weight of it all pressing down on him as he let his head fall into his hands.

NOEL was grateful when the other man sat down, more than happy to follow suit, he sat on the other end of the couch and put the ice back on his face. As Morgan spoke, Noel had to admit, he was surprised that this wasn't just a two person situation. I mean, this is L.A there's definitely more surprising shit going on, but Morgan was so middle America to him, that he's realizing there's just shit he didn't think the cowboy would be into. A throuple was definitely somewhere at the top of that list. This also meant, Eva wasn't just whatever-ing with one person, there was two. Then Morgan was spilling more and more information, Serena sounded familiar but he had no idea where he'd heard that name before. Puck?! He thought in his head, shit, now he was starting to remember his sister saying something about him having issues and fucking up worse than she thought, or something. Again, he wasn't fucking listening. Damn, so Eva, Puck and Morgan had been a thing until the men fucked it up. Man, he wondered if his connection to not only Morgan but also Puck, had been the reason she'd been so eager to fuck him. Not that he was going to bring that up right now. There was a lot of information being said that he absolutely should have known, and something tells him his sister mentioned it at some point and he just wasn't listening to her. Which meant the second she found out about his contricution to this mess, he was never going to hear the end of it. But then there was a lot of information he's pretty sure no one knew, like that tattoo. Dude, got a tattoo for these two, that's- I mean, knowing Morgan that's bigger than big. Everything, he'd just heard was worth a whole day of processing, but he didn't have that kind of time. Luckily he'd always been quick with the uptake. After a deep breath, he put the ice pack down again and turned his body to face his friend. "Not gonna lie man, that was a fuck ton of information. Did not see you being in a throuple with my niece's dad coming. Didn't really see you being in a throuple at all, actually." Not the point, Noel. Taking a second to figure out how to ask this question, he stretched his arm along the back of his couch. "If them having sex with other people is making you feel like they've already dipped, then wouldn't you have done that first by sleeping with this Serena person? I'm not saying you did, my point it, maybe they aren't gone, they're just lost, like you were and you all gotta find your way back to each other." Taking in another deep breath, he continued trying to sound as understanding as possible. "If you fucked up, you gotta own that shit, you gotta apologize for it and mean it. And you can't just get a tattoo and expect that to do anything. Love ain't shit without actions. You gotta prove to them you're not gonna pull the same shit the next time you feel lost. And the way life like to play, you're definitely gonna feel lost again." This is probably the most his talked about this subject in his entire life but he knows a lot about fucking up in love, and if he can help Morgan figure it out before it's too late then he's gonna try.

MORGAN listened to Noel in silence. It was hard to hear, especially because Noel wasn’t wrong. His words cut through Morgan’s self-pity, grounding him in a truth he’d been avoiding. He felt a strange mix of comfort and shame, realizing just how much he’d managed to mess up something that had meant everything to him. “Yeah,” he finally said, voice low. “You’re right. The tattoo; I guess that was my drunken way of saying, ‘Look, I mean it. You’re part of me.’ But that’s not what they needed, is it?” He shook his head, letting out a soft, bitter laugh. “I thought I could fix things with grand gestures, like showing up with flowers, cooking their favorite meals, putting them on a damn pedestal. But none of that fixes the fact that I broke their trust.” Morgan leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees as he thought back to the beginning, back when they were all just happy together. There was a long pause as Morgan gathered his thoughts, forcing himself to be honest in a way he hadn’t before. “It hurts, Noel,” he admitted, voice cracking. “Seeing them try to move on, knowing they’re looking for comfort in other people because I wasn’t enough. I don’t know how to fix this. I want to show them I’m different, that I’m not going to let my fears mess things up again, but how the hell do I do that when they’re halfway out the door?” Noel’s words circled in his mind: Love ain’t shit without actions. He’d been running from that truth, hoping that enough pretty words and sentimental gestures could somehow cover up the fact that he’d broken their hearts first. And maybe it was time he did something about it. “I’ll apologize,” he said quietly, nodding more to himself than to Noel. “But not just for screwing up. I’ll apologize for not being there, for not believing in us the way they did. I’ll show up. Prove to them that I’ve changed, that I’m in this for real.” He looked at Noel, some spark of determination in his eyes now. “You think they’ll believe me?”

NOEL let Morgan talk through his thoughts , let him get to his own conclusions, and to his credit, it did seem like he was getting there. The whole emotions things wasn't necessarily Noel's strong suit but he did know it was a whole lot easier to grasp a situation from the outside than it was when you were all the way in it. Maybe, Noel was able to provide some much needed perspective. It was hard to see such a carefree dude be so sullen and heartbroken, and it was always hard to watch someone you care about recognize their faults. But this was maybe the first time Noel was seeing how much love the man next to him had the capacity for and he knew that Puck and Eva weren't feeling it, but Noel could see it, and he bet that if he saw Eva again and the next time he saw Puck, he'd see their love too. Smiling at his friend as he thought about the question, he shrugged. "Honestly, man, I don't know. But I do know they're definitely not gonna believe you if you do nothing and an apology is always a solid starting place." Moving so he was sitting closer to the other man, he bumped his shoulder. "I'm sorry you're hurtin' man and I'm sorry you feel like they're slipping away on you, but if it helps any, Puck's been pretty quiet recently, which is odd for him apparently and Eva doesn't really seem like she's interested in doing a lot of talking or connecting with anymore. So, I think all three of you are hurting and if they're hurting too then maybe it isn't all lost because it means they still care. And so long as they care, you've got a shot." If there was one thing Noel was better at than most, it was having a positive outlook. Even if he knows not everything is going to turn out rainbows and butterflies, he does know that if walk through the dark long enough, the sun will rise again.

MORGAN took a deep breath, letting Noel’s words settle in. For the first time in weeks, he felt a spark of clarity, a sense of direction cutting through the tangle of anger, regret, and heartbreak that had been eating at him. He hadn’t come here to get a pep talk, but damned if he didn’t feel better for it. Noel had a way of cutting through the mess without making Morgan feel small for getting lost in it. Straightening up, Morgan gave a nod, this time with real purpose. “You’re right. I can’t just sit here waiting for things to fix themselves. I’ve been too caught up in my own head, just spinning on what went wrong. If I want to make this right, I gotta get out there and face it head-on.” He paused, his eyes meeting Noel’s with a touch of gratitude. “Starting with an apology. They deserve that much from me, and I should’ve done it a long time ago.” A weight lifted just saying it out loud. He’d messed up, he’d hurt them, and he could own that. And maybe - just maybe - they’d still care enough to let him prove he was ready to do better. He glanced at Noel, a sheepish smile crossing his face. “Guess I owe you one too. I was way outta line, barging in here and throwing punches. You didn’t deserve that.” He rubbed the back of his neck, feeling the full brunt of his guilt. “I let my pride get the best of me, and-...yeah. Sorry, man.” Morgan meant it; punching his friend had been nothing more than a misfire of his own jealousy and pain. It was a relief to clear the air, even if the bruise on Noel’s cheek was proof he had some making up to do. Standing up, Morgan gave Noel a firm pat on the shoulder. “Thanks for listening. And for knocking some sense into me - metaphorically, this time.” He smiled, more resolved than he’d been in a long time. “I’m gonna fix this. Starting now.”

[janatm]

tag dump 2/4

[janatm]

tag dump 1/4