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bettsfic · 4 years ago

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hi, i was reading your years in review and i noticed that you quit a job of many years to go your own way. i was wondering if you would mind talking about this decision/if you struggled with it? idk i've always told myself that i wouldn't let the idea of a "career" get in the way of what i want (e.g. writing) and that one day (shortly after 30?) i would just quit whatever job i had and go my own way, but as that deadline comes up i find it harder to imagine how i could just uproot myself...

yes, i very much did struggle with the decision to quit (what i thought was) my very stable and lucrative career in finance to get an MFA in creative writing. it’s a bit of a long story so i’m putting it under a cut.

warning for suicidality and sexual assault.

i used to believe i grew up poor, but it was the 90s so poverty looked very different. my dad didn’t work for a long time, and so we only had one income, and we lived in an apartment that was kind of a lowkey hoarder home. as a kid, all i knew was that i didn’t get to have toys, or my own space, and i wasn’t allowed to have friends over. the concept of an allowance was totally alien to me. but it also wasn’t like i ever went hungry. the food we had wasn’t particularly healthy but it was always there.

i didn’t really realize how much that instability affected me until much later, when i noticed other people hadn’t lived their entire lives aware of and obsessed with money. i used to compulsively count the change in my piggy bank and beg my mom to take it so she could pay her taxes (i didn’t know what taxes meant, i just assumed they were the reason we couldn’t afford nice things).

my safe haven was always my grandparents’ house, which was clean and had semi-healthy food and the door was always open. my grandpa was a high school chemistry teacher. my grandma worked at a bank. growing up, i had no idea what she did at the bank, just that it sponsored all the fun things we did, like going to amusement parks and baseball games. my parents never took my sister and i on vacation, but every year, my grandma would drive us to visit our family in missouri, which, even though it only cost the gas to get there, seemed like a wild indulgence to me.

i started working at 16 so i could have my own money. by 17 i was working illegally full-time and getting paid under the table. then i bought my own car, and shortly after i turned 18 i got my own apartment. even though i could pay my bills, i was still terrified about money. i thought about it all the time. i checked my bank account multiple times a day. i was a cashier at a restaurant and i would often open my drawer and just stare at the money or count it when i was bored.

but i hated working at the restaurant, and one day i thought to myself, how can i keep the money part of this job but lose the food part? then i remembered my grandma’s career at the bank (from which by then she’d retired), and that afternoon i sat down and applied to be a teller at the very same bank. obviously the bank was very large and it wasn’t like my grandma was in management. she worked in ATM operations. nobody on my hiring committee knew who she was, and honestly i have no idea how i got the job.

i stayed a teller through college, working 25ish hours a week. it didn’t pay very well and i was still nervous about money, so i picked up a job altering bridal gowns on evenings and weekends, and also an admin job at my university. so i was working 60ish hours a week, plus going to school full-time and trying to keep up my 4.0. in retrospect, i can’t remember how necessary all this was. i know i was living in an apartment whose rent was higher than i could afford, and i lived with my boyfriend who was struggling to find a job. anyway, it was definitely the lowest time of my life, and i was so exhausted that every day i hoped something horrible would happen to me so i could be hospitalized and rest.

then something horrible did happen. my dad died. and even though everyone in my life was telling me to please dear god take a break, i did not.

i got promoted to business finance, which paid what seemed at the time to be an ungodly amount of money. i was still part-time and finishing up my undergrad degree. once i graduated, i got promoted to full-time. for the first couple years, i really did try to be a banker. i was good at my job only insofar as someone who is left-handed can write with their right hand if forced for long enough. it felt very much like i was in the wrong place, but by that point i had so much unchecked trauma that i had convinced myself the highest human ideal was misery and deprivation. i wish i was kidding. i was the definition of ascetic and martyred myself. i didn’t believe happiness existed. work was all that mattered to me.

then i bought a house. so at this point, i had student loans, a car loan, a mortgage, and credit card debt. after my dad’s death, my mom had to file for bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. she abandoned her house. by this point i was 23, single, in six figures of debt with no familial support net, but i was making decent money at the bank, so it wasn’t like i was drowning. in fact i was doing pretty well. the bank was a rock in my very turbulent life. i got a lot of vacation time that allowed me to travel a bit. i had insurance and a matching 401(k). it was really a decent job.

but the bank was also in many ways an abusive relationship. i don’t mean that metaphorically. i had bosses who manipulated me, insulted me, humiliated me in front of other people. i had one boss who went so far as to look at my checking account and ridicule my purchases. i didn’t have any idea what it meant to stand up for myself or say no. in fact i wasn’t allowed to say no. my job at the bank involved solving other people’s problems. i could never say “i can’t solve that problem.” i could only say “i’ll figure it out.”

i had convinced myself working at the bank was a stable career because it was boring and i hated it. but actually it wasn’t stable at all. after 2008, there were mass layoffs and restructures every year while the bank tried to recover from the recession. i worked for a sales team, and so my job was dependent entirely on whether or not the salespeople did their jobs well. if they didn’t make goal, they’d get fired. if they got fired, i’d get fired.

i started trying to date again and was sexually assaulted. after that i really struggled at work because i was dissociating a lot and couldn’t focus. my team, despite my having worked there for years, instead of being concerned for me decided to start complaining about me to my boss. finally i had to tell a coworker what happened and that i wasn’t doing very well. my team started being a little nicer to me but ultimately they didn’t care about me, they cared about how effective i was at my job. my boss didn’t want to fire me, so instead i was pushed onto another team.

that move came with a raise. then that team was dismantled and i was pushed onto another team. that was a demotion, but i got to keep my raise from the previous move. by then, i was working from home, and even though i was more comfortable i was also very isolated and miserable. my “fulfillment through deprivation” attitude was destroying me. i wasn’t eating well or taking care of myself. i was isolated and lonely. i still didn’t believe happiness was real and i constantly thought about killing myself.

but i had started writing fanfiction, and even though i didn’t think i was any good at it, i was beginning to see a way out. i was beginning to learn how to dream, and want things, and give myself the things i wanted. i just couldn’t imagine leaving the bank, or selling my house, or moving out of my hometown. all of that seemed impossible to me.

then i had to go to a business conference where my team had a retirement party for one of my coworkers. she’d done what i was doing for 45 years. by that point i was at the 9 year mark. i’d spent my entire adult life at the bank. and i realized: the bank benefited from my fear and passivity, and nothing in my life was going to change unless i was willing to make sacrifices.

but i still wasn’t entirely convinced. and then came the day i had to physically hold onto my desk to keep me from killing myself. i didn’t end up trying it, because i had another realization: this was a life or death situation now. if i kept working at the bank, i knew i would die. i knew eventually i would get low enough to do it. i didn’t actually want to die; i wanted an escape and didn’t know what else to do. suddenly i was off the hook. my options were not “financial stability or imminent poverty” but “live or die.”

those were the big epiphanies i had, but the process of actually leaving the bank was a slow one. i wrote a bit about it here. i got into an MFA program basically by telling myself repeatedly i would figure out the money stuff later. when it came time to quit the bank, my boss convinced me to stay on working part-time, with the assumption i would move back to full-time once i’d graduated. i agreed to it, because just trying to quit was enough to convince me i could, and that better things were ahead of me. for a year and a half, i stayed on working two days a week while doing my MFA, which involved both coursework and teaching, and it felt a bit like it did during undergrad, having too many jobs and no time to breathe or think or feel anything.

between my first and second year, i had a looooong overdue mental breakdown. there were a lot of causes, but one of them was spreading myself too thin. shortly after, i quit for good. by then it didn’t feel like a big deal at all, i was so far removed from the work and my team and so focused on my degree. one day i turned on my work laptop and the next day i didn’t. i shipped it back to HQ and it was over.

then i graduated from the MFA and suddenly had to face the consequences of this life i’d chosen. my school kept me on as an adjunct, but it felt like being a ghost. i no longer had the community of my cohort. i had no health insurance. i was given my teaching schedule and a contract to sign, that’s it. there was no guarantee i would be getting classes the following semester, and after a year, that was what happened. i remember sitting in my favorite coffee shop trying not to cry when i got the email that said the department had nothing for me to teach the following semester.

i really wasn’t the same after the breakdown. i went from “i can do anything i put my mind to no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts” to “i have to step carefully, and treat myself gently.” i hadn’t fully realized that yet, though, so i tried to get a Real Job. i got the first and only job i applied to, because i am bad at nearly everything but somehow i’m exceptional in interviews. it wasn’t a bank but it offered the same sort of benefits package. it was a full-time salaried position at a non-profit. if i had found it earlier, i think it would have been my dream job. it was the kind of work you throw yourself into because you care so much about doing good.

i lasted a month. during the first week something happened that triggered me in a way i’m very rarely triggered. i realized i needed disability accommodations, but i needed to go to a doctor to get an assessment and i had to be on the team 60 days in order to get insurance. i thought i could white-knuckle it, and i could, sort of, but every minute i was at work, it felt like i was forced away from the thing i should have been doing. i was constantly trying to write a few paragraphs here and there on my phone when no one was looking. i had to find excuses to take breaks and go to my car and breathe. at one point i told a volunteer i was an english instructor, and she looked at me very confused, and i realized i’d said it in present tense, like it was part of who i was and not a job i did for a while. then finally, my breaking point was an after-hours function. when i left i saw a field full of fireflies and thought about how, if i’d just stayed home, i could have sat outside and enjoyed them all evening, not just a glance at them on the way to my car. i liked the job but it was making me miss all the things i’d learned to love about being alive.

i quit the next day. i’d sold my house by then (which was its own feat) and moved in with my grandma, which hadn’t been a possibility until my grandpa passed away the previous spring. i paid off my car. i figured out finally that i would probably never be able to work full-time again unless it was teaching, and that the downside to this life would be accepting fear and instability, only being able to look ahead one semester at a time. staying open to the opportunities that arise. being a little selfish.

i wrote a bit more about the financial realities of the writing life here. i can’t tell you what you should do, because the path i took definitely isn’t the path for everyone, but i do believe we all owe it to ourselves to pursue our best and happiest lives, because we only get one, and there’s no reason not to live it the way you want to.

#writing advice #the writing life #Anonymous

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siodium · 4 years ago

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REVIEW: BURIED STARS ☆

came across this korean mystery vn and i knew i had to get it bc someone commented that it had a similar feel to danganronpa/zero escape O: seems like i have a type

i usually don’t prefer to get digital copies of games but there was really no choice... i heard the physical copy is sold out in korea and resales are going for 200 USD ain’t nobody got money for that

i don’t think anyone i know is gonna purchase this game and play for themselves and i can’t share the game either bc it’s a digital copy sooo i’m gonna write a review~ please enjoy!!

basically the plot goes as such: the survival reality tv show Buried Stars was about to commence the finals of its current season with the remaining five contestants when the building suddenly collapses. most of the audience and staff members were safely evacuated except for seven ppl (the five contestants and two staff members) who are trapped in the wreckage with just their smartwatches that connects them to the outside world via calls (problematic bc they can only call a restricted number of ppl and the signal inside is shit) and phater (bootleg twitter). after trying to make some calls, everyone was then told that the rescue team would take around six hours to break into the collapsed building to get them out.

ok so they just have to wait it out... in an unstable building that can come down at any moment. cool.

then!!! they find the producer’s dead body, seemingly a victim to the falling debris!! they’re down to six survivors now.

despite the circumstances, voting is still ongoing and some rando on phater claims that the contestant in the last place will die as if the atmosphere wasn’t bad enough.

this is your smartwatch interface!! most of the functions are pretty useless with regards to the actual gameplay but it’s just fun to play around with them i guess

for e.g. you can change the background and ringtone but they don’t affect anything

there’s this feature that keeps track of changes that occur when you pick certain conversation topics during communication rounds and it’s really useful for replays!! too bad it doesn’t keep track of sanity changes in mc

this is the mc!! even though he looks like he would be a tsundere punk he’s actually very soft?? kinda like saihara but with a bit more spine

AND THIS IS MY BEST BOI GYU-HYUK

i lowkey ship them bc of their interactions alsjdkasjs jUST LOOK AT THIS

i was expecting there to be a lot of mysteries but given the circumstances i guess it makes sense to not have that many... there’s no murder mystery if it happened in an accident site and looked like an accident you see

a lot of conversation topics focus on the character’s backstory and stuff so you get to learn more about the characters while waiting for rescue (one of the goals of this game is actually to collect characters’ profiles!)

bonding through a shared traumatic experience sounds reasonable

did i mention that the cutscenes are fully voiced (either in korean or japanese depending on your preference)?? i played it in korean for my first gameplay for ~Optimal Experience~ but i switched to japanese in subsequent plays bc i wanted to be able to understand what the characters were saying without reading the text

the only thing that throws me off is that characters are given japanese names in the japanese dub but the in-game text still uses their korean names??? why

my boi gyu-hyuk is voiced by takuya eguchi and hyesung is voiced by shimono hiro (i actually doubted my ears at first bc hyesung sounds angry 24/7 and i only know shimono’s derpy zenitsu and troll ouma voices sweats;;) wOW 👍👍👍

the first ending is the same for everyone even if you picked the best options

they call it a “normal end” but tbh it’s a bad end bc everyone dies and nothing is resolved

after you clear the game for the first time you will get to replay from the start but your options will change so you can proceed towards other routes!! yay

oh yeah in case anyone is wondering this game is rated T and bodies are shown in the form of a silhouette with non-explicit close-ups during investigation so if you can’t handle graphic stuff it’s not too bad

warning: from here on there will be spoilers for the true ending and other endings!! stop scrolling if you have even the slightest intention to play the game

collected all the endings after 30ish hours of gameplay!! i wanted to strive for 100% completion in achievements but i’m not sure how to get some stuff... might go back and try other options in the future

in the true route you receive help from this random phater user plughole aND I JUST LOVE THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN HIM AND DO-YOON LMAO

idk if anyone tried to guess who the real culprit is but it turned out to be

my boi gyu-hyuk......

he had his reasons (not trying to say he did no wrong) and it’s just unfortunate that things turned out this way

while playing, i thought to myself... if there was one person i would glue do-yoon to throughout the entire game it would be gyu-hyuk... bc i was certain he wouldn’t hurt do-yoon

i was right tho... even in some routes where do-yoon catches him in the act, gyu-hyuk didn’t try to silence him

CRYING

i don’t know much about korean law but he has THREE murder charges on him whicH SOUNDS LIKE DEATH SENTENCE

i’m sad bc there’s no way to save my boi even in his best ending

plughole visits you in the hospital in the true ending!! he is also a troll irl it seems

he was kinda sus in the beginning but i really hoped that he was a Good Guy to keep do-yoon sane in the wreckage

and i’m glad he was

do-yoon looks super baby in his hospital clothes

he was not kidding when he said that his actions were bc of his sister (who is a hardcore fan of do-yoon) lmao

aaa the girls are doing great after their treatment!! they visit do-yoon too!!

yeah i also want to know why do-yoon is the only one still hospitalised with all those bandages when everyone else is fine but i guess maybe he got injured when he protected gyu-hyuk from falling debris at the start of the game

...

if you don’t find out the true culprit of the murders gyu-hyuk goes free and he visits you every day in the hospital aND SAYS STUFF LIKE THIS

ugh it hurts me

...

there’s also a joke ending (when you pick the “i’m the attacker” option lmao) which i appreciate a lot!! something to lighten the tense mood is what i crave for in games like this

somehow i feel like it’s even scarier than the usual atmosphere bc of how ooc everyone acts

BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY SCARY?

there’s a horror route that you can enter by using the “laboratory” conversation topic on everyone and expressing how much it creeps you out

and the entire game shifts in genre to actual horror (like with paranormal activities)

IT WAS REALLY SCARY AND THERE WERE HANDS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE WAS ACTING WEIRD ASLJELKASJ i had my eyes closed half the time and i regret playing on my monitor

i didn’t take many screenshots bc as i mentioned my eyes were not looking at the screen for most part but i hope that you can kinda understand where i’m coming from with these two screenshots

...

the game is actually split into two major routes (A and B) which differ in who gets saved and who dies

you can only start on the B route after you get the true ending which is in the A route

unfortunately there is no route where everyone (even if you exclude the producer bc she dies before do-yoon regains consciousness at the start of the game) survives TT

if hyesung and seil survive then gyu-hyuk kills himself and leaves a note but do-yoon tears it up so we don’t know what he wrote

overall a solid mystery vn with beautiful graphics and enough routes to keep you occupied for many hours!! i highly recommend following a walkthrough bc it’s not an easy game if you want to collect all the possible endings and achievements

cuz there are minor changes to the epilogue depending on how close you are with the characters

i actually don’t play a lot of VNs but i feel like all VNs need the route map thingy in AI: the somnium files

my only gripe about this game is prob the derpy translations which usually isn’t a big issue (imo at least) but for a game priced this high?? i expected better

anyway that’s all from me!! thanks for reading til the end hahah i wanted to write a srs review but i just ended up simping for gyu-hyuk

#log #this is peak c*vid content

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theskytraveler · 5 years ago

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So, here’s the deal.

I’ve been a terrible internet friend lately to the lovely @dreamwritesimagines. Sorry. I didn’t mean to pull a Houdini, you know? In my defense, it’s been one of the craziest years of my life, but now I’m BACK! For good! And I know I said that before, but now it’s FOR REAL.

Btw, thanks for always tagging me in your work, it truly means the world.

Anyway, I need to make up to you, so here’s a little surprise 😉 Instead of reading each and every chapter I haven’t read yet and writing my lovely comments on them – spamming your notes with me in the process – I wrote this little thing here.

To you, Dream, here are my long overdue thoughts on your recent incredible work.

To you, my followers and whoever else might be reading this, here are some incredible fic recommendations. You’re welcome.

Since this is partially a fic rec post, I’m gonna write about everything available on your Masterlist, Dream. You know my thoughts on most of these, but ah well. I’m on a roll.

Series I have already finished: (so you can skip it if you’re curious about the ones I haven’t talked about yet)

First, my all-time favorite series you have ever written, the phenomenal Bad Habit. I guess this started as a one-shot and it became so much more. This series has it ALL! Great characters, smart and funny dialogue, fantastic character development and plot twists that hit you out of nowhere.

Oh, and the Y/N here is basically my spirit animal.

Btw, I reread this series a few days ago, and I wanna know: where is my sequel? Where’s the Christmas themed one-shot? My little Zoe acting as Matt’s sidekick and falling in love with Peter Parker (I still remember this anon headcanon, yes, and I still ship it, yes). Gah, I love this series.

While we’re on the Ben Barnes train, let’s talk about Daddy Issues. It’s a Westworld fic that doesn’t take place in Westworld. And it is GREAT. Logan and Y/N are so cute and the ending was perfect. And I still want a one-shot of a proposal, thanks.

And before we get into the more angsty stuff, we gotta talk about Invisible. It’s the softest series ever. I know it’s on a long hiatus for now, but I still think about Y/N and Steve and the fact that I lowkey ship her with Billy. When you find the inspiration for this series again, I’ll be ready. Also, what the hell happened in Detroit?

Ah, Don’t You Love Me. Don’t I love this series. (Sorry, terrible joke. Don’t you love me?). One of the best character developments ever. Y/N here is so flawed and struggling with so many things. It just makes her so human and real. And her road to recovery was a joy to read. And Steve is Steve. The most perfect puppy of a man. And how could I forget my favorite villain in all your series? Trent is GREAT! I STAN A PERFECT ANTAGONIST!

And, finally, it’s time to talk about Faint of Heart. Another one where the character development we see Y/N go through is astounding. I love Queenie, my favorite Y/N ever. This series had the most perfect ending I could dream of. And not just Queenie, I mean, this series has the most amazing cast of characters, I love all of them! The ones from the show and the new original ones. Queenie, Bree and Eric are my babies. AND I WILL DEFEND THAT SOMBER LITTLE PASSAGE WITH MY LIFE OK? THAT IS MY FAVORITE PART IN THE SERIES, NOBODY TOUCHES THAT!

From this point forward, be aware that there WILL be spoilers for new readers.

Series I started, but you have no idea who I feel about the ending because I never told you and series I haven’t started yet: (again, my bad, sorry).

There is never enough Billy Russo, is there? So, Once a Year. The one I never finished. UNTIL NOW THAT IS! Two dysfunctional people falling in love, ah. Or realizing they’ve been in love all along. Billy and Skittles give me the creeps, but I also couldn’t help but ship them. As I recall, the last chapter I read was Chapter 9 and I had a LOT OF QUESTIONS. Like, what the hell is actually going on kind of questions. AND WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR kind of questions. Here are my final (and edited, because this post was already super long, so I had to do some compromises) thoughts on this series:

Chapter 10: My desire to kill Krista is alive and well, I see. Carter is still a puppy and I see myself in Karen, because I too want to see all the drama up close. Skittles and Billy “broke up” and I am SAD. And also curious as to WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! Always questions, never answers;

Chapter 11: THEY KISSED, OMG, STOP EVERYTHING THIS IS SO GREAT, SO FINALLY, OMG, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR LIKE 84 YEARS, NOBODY TOUCH ME! THEN HE SAID HE WAITED OVER 10 YEARS FOR THIS, EXCUSE ME DREAM HOW DARE YOU? YES THIS IS HAPPENING IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM, DON’T STOP THEM NOW! (This five steps game is so cute btw, BUT WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS NOW)! HE BROKE UP WITH KRISTA? YAY! JSFOIAHFI IT’S HAPPENING;

Chapter 12: THEY ARE SO SOFT, I CAN’T- and now everything has gone to shit. Well, it was good while it lasted. Why can’t they just communicate? Tell him what is going on, Skittles. Why are you marrying Carter? AT LEAST TELL ME! Oh, wait. They’re communicating. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT! EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK? Bring me this Aldrich dude, I’ll kill him;

Chapter 13: This whole “second wedding” thing is cracking me up, I laugh every single time. Aldrich has some nerve showing up in the gallery. And I am reminded yet again of how much Skittles and Billy scare me hahaha it’s great;

Chapter 14: It really is one step forward and two steps back with those two, huh? I love my girl Karen! She ships it and her being confused about the situation is the funniest thing ever. And then she gives the best advice. Gotta love her. And now, back to the Skittles and Billy show… COME ON, MAN! Wait. IS SHE BREAKING UP WITH CARTER? Man, I’m so glad I don’t have to wait to find out, which brings us to…

Chapter 15: Oh, geez. I feel for Carter. Dream, set him up with Rose or something, I’m suddenly so sad. Carter is such a great guy. DAMN IT, BILLY! There are only two chapters of this left, how are you messing things up, man? Oh, wait. MERMAID! Oh, I just remembered that these two CREEP ME OUT. Jesus, Billy. That’s not romantic, man. Skittles and Billy need professional help, my GOD;

Chapter 16: Poor Carter. I’m not really a beach kind of person, but I’m glad Skittles and Billy are happy in a remote location. “BEYONCÉ TAUGHT ME BETTER”, THIS IS THE BEST QUOTE OF THIS SERIES, I’M DEAD! Awn, the gallery is so cute! I love it! OH NO! Rawlings. Of course you needed to give us on last plot twist, why am I surprised? EXCUSE ME, HOW DARE YOU? YOU WRITE AN EPILOGUE OR SOMETHING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK.

I just...

Of the new series I haven’t started yet, how could I not begin with Crown of Hearts? After how much I loved Faint of Heart there is a sequel? GIMME! Let’s break this down chapter by chapter (again, I had to edit my comments, because they were just too long):

Chapter 1: OMG I’M SO EXCITED. Ah, Queenie’s childhood was so sad, I’m glad she won’t let the same happen to her children. EITR, THE BEST FALCON, I MISSED YOU! The domesticity between Ivar, Queenie and Ragnar, I can’t. It’s too cute. BJOR AND BREE! I missed them too! And Gala and Hvitty. Where’s Ubbe? And Torvi? Btw, I don’t trust any of these new people;

Chapter 2: “Baby shark”. I’m gonna laugh every time I see that. “BWE” OMG! I LOVE THAT! Oh, yes! Flashbacks! I love those. Ok, I’m warming up to this Osmond guy, but I still don’t know if I trust him. Threats everywhere, they really can’t catch a break, huh? STOP EVERYTHING, ERIC the love of my life IS HERE! I am so ready for more Eric content. Can he fall in love with that dog loving shieldmaiden of the headcanons now, please? WAIT, QUEENIE, DON’T LEAVE! I WANT MORE ERIC CONTENT! NO! ERIC, FOLLOW HER! That was cruel, Dream. Wow, those rumors about Queenie. People sure are creative in defeat (burn people from her home country, burn). QUEENIE IS A LEGEND PEOPLE, YOU TELL THIS RAYDON GUY;

Chapter 3: They are really talking about teaching poisons and swordfight to a baby? Of course they are. Oh, they’re waiting until he’s seven. That’s better. I hate Queenie’s mother. Such a vile woman. Ok, I like Osmond. Can we keep him? Make him fall in love with a Viking girl! Or boy! I see him falling in love with someone rather clumsy. I ship it already. “Who did Ivar kill?” AHAHAH I LOVE THEM. It will happen, guys. But oh well;

Chapter 4: I love them all ganging up to tease Hvitty. Poor guy, but still. It’s so entertaining. DAMN BREE, WAY TO GET ME EXCITED LIKE QUEENIE OVER NOTHING! I want this wedding, damnit! But, sure, go off on a raid instead, I guess. “THE BJOR INFLUENCE” AND “IT’S LIKE A CURSE” I’M SCREAMING AHAHHA. Ok, Bree, you convinced me. Go chase your freedom. Excuse me, but WHO THE FUCK TOOK BABY RAGNAR? I’LL END YOU;

Chapter 5: Bree is a godsend. Bless her heart. Taking care of Queenie during this mess. This entire situation is awful, btw. That was MEAN, Queenie! This fandom has raised you better! OH THEY FOUND HIM, THANK YOU! Queenie scares me sometimes, but I guess this time those guys had it coming;

Chapter 6: Queenie is gonna have to make up to Ivar, sorry I don’t make the rules. HVITTY CALLS GALA “MY HEART”, EXCUSE ME THIS IS TOO SWEET! DAMN, Hvitty. Tell us how you really feel. But, yes, I guess Queenie needed to hear that little comment about Edgard. Bree is so smart, I stan. Why are you being shady right after I decided I like you, Osmond? Please explain yourself.

I’m loving this. I missed this gang so much. The only thing lacking in Crown of Hearts is more Eric content. How dare you show him for like two seconds and then NEVER AGAIN? You’re torturing me here, Dream. But ah, I want to know more about what is going on in Kattegat. I don’t trust a whole bunch of people, but, well, can’t say I’m surprised about that. CAN’T WAIT TO READ MORE!

I literally squealed with glee when I saw that you were writing for Bucky. Untouchable is the one I was the most excited about reading. And the best part? I already have 7 chapters to binge! And I am obviously going to tell you my you guessed it, edited thoughts on them:

Chapter 1: I’m liking this setting! The 1940s, what a twist for most of Bucky fics out there, this is great. And Y/N is already so interesting! AH, HI BUCKY, I LOVE YOU! I love flustered Bucky. This feels like they are star-crossed lovers, separated by their “places” in “society” and I am HERE for it;

Chapter 2: OMG SHE’S IMAGINING BUCKY, YES! I already ship them so hard, I s2g. This Charles guy, I don’t like him. I bet he is a Hydra double agent. Who sent her the flowers? Does Y/N have a stalker? I’m worried. OMG, HI LITTLE TINY STEVE! The alley scene broke my heart, thanks;

Chapter 3: Wait. Bucky and Y/N are sneaking around? What happened? Did I skip a chapter? Did we skip time and I didn’t notice? Like, I’m glad and all, but still. AH, it was a dream. I see. Rude. And on that note, Shirley is rude too. Oh, not now, Charles! Go away! Y/N and Bucky were having a moment. Oh, there’s bad blood between Bucky and Charles, I see. Interesting. “If you knew half of the things he did, you would have nothing to do with him”. Bucky, darling, do you really think Y/N has a choice? Men are so obtuse, my god;

Chapter 4: “And sooner or later he would get mean, all of them did” I AM CRYING! This is terrible. Y/N must have had a very difficult life. And her current situation isn’t really any better. LITTLE TINY STEVE TO THE RESCUE! I stan. Steve also ships it, welcome aboard, buddy. And, Y/N is in denial. I would argue that a broth is never just a broth. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I LIKE YOU THOMAS! He ships it too and he has no idea who is the other half of the ship. Bucky sees the real her, I can’t- “There’s nobody” and I am deceased;

Chapter 5: Daydreaming about Bucky Barnes? I sure can relate. NOPE, Linda! Don’t even think about it! And she thought about it. Argh. But who cares about that when we have Bucky and Y/N being their ADORABLE selves? Bucky, my sweet summer child, you are so fucked. You will be happy eventually, but Hydra, man. Brace yourself for the next 50 years. THE KISS! THIS MOMENT WAS SO SWEET! OMG, I’M DEAD! This was so perfect. So of course Y/N had to run away. Thanks. LINDA I’M GONNA KILL YOU! AND CHARLES IS NEXT! Y/N get OUT of there;

Chapter 6: I need to know. Are the bruises a regular thing with Charles or did she do something that made him angry? I feel like it’s the former. I don’t like it. WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT, Y/N? I hate you, Linda. And you, Charles. OH MY GOD, BUCKY IS THERE! He is the best person ever, so soft. Someone get me a Bucky. Omg, tell him, Y/N! Why don’t you people ever communicate? This is driving me crazy;

Chapter 7: Do NOT ruin this for us, Shirley! Don’t tell a single soul! Or else I’m putting you on my hit list. Y/N and Bucky are going on a date and I am SO excited. Hey, Ruth? Do NOT ruin this for us! Go away. “I want you to trust me first” and my soul has left the earthly realm for I am deceased. Again.

Ok, I’m loving this? I don’t want it to EVER end! Bucky is perfect, Y/N is so interesting and Shirley is also pretty great. I hope she does find true love eventually. But that General guy… I don’t trust him. At all. I’m also pretty sure he’s Hydra and things will get really ugly for both Bucky and Y/N. And given your recent history with Once a Year, I’m not really sure we’ll have a happy ending, so thanks for that. I obviously CAN’T WAIT TO READ MORE!

Now, Burn It Down has nothing to do with FoH and CoH, but it was influenced by The Last Kingdom? I’m sold. (Like I always am when it comes to your writing, as you’re probably aware, but oh well). I obviously read all three chapters and here are my thoughts (edited, as I’m sure you know by now):

Chapter 1: That was a creepy way to start a story. Like, first paragraph and I’m already kinda creeped out, thanks. Hmm, the animal heart bit? We’re not in Kansas anymore, I guess. But I’m intrigued. She doesn’t trust men what a mood, very smart of her. I like her. She’s creepy, but I like her. What happened in Ivar’s tent two nights ago? Ok, I’m intrigued;

Chapter 2: I’m liking Y/N’s and Ivar’s dynamic. It’s fun to see them getting acquainted with each other and figuring out how to deal with this little situation they have going on. Ok, but why is she helping Ivar? Like, yeah, their destinies are entwined or whatever, but he’s so rude. I’d tell him to go to hell, honestly. He’d have to earn my help;

Chapter 3: Well, Hvitty is obviously the brother that will be forgotten. Poor guy, but oh well. At least forgotten doesn’t mean he won’t have a good life. Now, the brother who “shall be the victor” is Ubbe and the “tragedy” one is Ivar, because of course. Also because I don’t accept anything bad happening to my sweet puppy Ubbe. But like, “victor” of what? This is so vague. This Y/N and Skittles would be good friends.

Ok, I’m intrigued! Not sure how I feel about Y/N yet, but I think she’ll be more like Skittles than Queenie. I’m ready for that! This fic has a different atmosphere than the ones I’m used to see in your writing, but I’m liking it so far. Obviously can’t wait to read more.

So, there you have it! Hope you liked it and I promise I won’t disappear on you again!

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dilfhakyeon-moved · 5 years ago

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tag game

except i wasnt tagged by anyone. i just like talking about myself

nickname: i dont..... rly have nicknames..... except adnie and androlomew from when i went by andy. only cocoa ever gave me nicknames can we thank cocoa

zodiac sign: sagittarius baby

height: 4'9"/1.49m ( funny how i managed to be the exact height that has 4 and 9 both ways )

hogwarts house: hufflepuff, though i think im on the verge of gryffindor not a single test has ever given me anything but hufflepuff so guess ill die a puffle

the last thing i googled: font generator ( facebook doesn't let me use italic and bold so i have to find ways )

favourite musicians: ah well..... onewe lmao. spyair and kiryu too check them out they're cool. im not including kpop as a whole bc the list wld be too long

song stuck in your head: crystal snow by bts apparently but like. just the intro when they're not singing yet

following: oh fuck. 1179. i rly need to clean that up

followers: 470... same as usual yall know how it is

do you get asks ? el em ah oh :") no ok i get asks sometimes... from two mutuals of mine..... and eurovision anon around eurovision time

amount of sleep: whoa it really depends. i range from 2 to 13 hours tbh

what you're wearing: a shirt and my underwear bc it's too hot even with the windows wide open i hate this stupid season and also global warming

dream job: something that involves acting and dancing and singing so like... musical theatre yknow. either that or smth with animals like a zookeeper or smth. i love animals so much yeehaw

dream trip: idk i think i just like travelling or the idea of travelling. id rather go somewhere quiet though i dont rly care about the country so long as the weather isn't too hot ? i cant handle hot weather

instruments: i can play a mean für elise on the piano ( and a bunch of basic other stuff, nothing impressive ), i learnt the violin for a year and im trying to play the guitar but it's hard. also id love to play the drums. i can only really sing

languages: french, english, some functional german, bits of useless latin and very very basic spanish, portuguese and swedish. i know a bit more korean but while i can write it easily... speaking foreign languages is so hard my brain cant process the word order

favourite songs: ok so senbonzakura was always a fave ill admit. genjou destruction has a special place in my heart too. now we're done with the weeb shit im just gonna say... blackout from in the heights ITS EVERYTHING. without further ado into musicals rn im REALLY into superhuman, which brought back everybody by shinee full force, twilight, zigzag & bingbing by oneus, n/s & miroh by skz, love me right by exo ( it will not leave my playlist idk what to do ), drippin, we go up, go, take off, fire truck, without you, alligator, stuck, lost in the dream, new heroes, fancy, rush, trespass, rodeo, oh my, dionysus, livin it up, sunrise, i wanna be, blue, symptoms, why so serious, jamais vu, make it right, valkyrie, fallin, holy water, want, mars, shalala, bon bon chocolat, beautiful, shoot me, chain, hey mama, sorry, like we used to, she's in the rain, killing me, ring on my ears & 0&4 by onewe. i wont say any more. i legally cant say a single other song title. it's too long already

random fact: i have adhd and it shows

aesthetic: am i allowed to say taemin. he really shaped my taste in clothing and aesthetic tbh he pulls off the "sexy but not sexualised" thing very well and thats legit all i want to achieve. but also cute pastel bc duality calls lmao

i tag nobody but do this if u want ! go wild

#dieghoe.txt #long post #nobody will read it I lowkey wrote it for myself anyway #i really spend too much time talking abt the music i like #im so glad music exists

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heartbxnd-blog · 5 years ago

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@thetreeofbeginning has sent: What would prevent you from following someone?, Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?, What current rp trend do you hate?, How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

the be honest meme. aka things you lowkey want to talk about but don’t because you don’t know how to bring it up. send me a number and i’ll tell you the honest truth. either a simple yes or no answer or a detailed response. [Accepting]

1. What would prevent you from following someone?

// You know... The usual stuff:

Politics being brought up in anyway or shape, or you know one of those uwu virtue signalers(tm) (spoiler alert: they are just troublemakers);

Blogs that don’t have an about nor rules page;

Content that I don’t like seeing on my dash (uwu soft gay depwessed boi hereee, etc.);

Muses who I just can’t see myself interacting with (this also includes characters from series I am not familiar with! Or a certain fandom I am trying to avoid, etc.);

Certain muns (this isn’t me throwing shade or anything, but I legitimately do avoid people who rub me in the wrong way so I would rather just avoid them altogether. I also try to avoid muns who my friends have told me to avoid [I try to form my own opinion about someone beforehand and it is rare for me get influenced by others, but sometimes my friends are right about others.]);

Fictional kins who identify as the muses they write (Learned my lesson, ain’t gonna waste my time with these people sorry, not sorry!);

Bad writing (As in: if I’m struggling to understand what you wrote [like I’ve read it 4-5 times and still can’t process what you are trying to tell me] that just won’t cut it for me [I know my english isn’t the greatest out there, I try to write as clear as possible. Whether because the mun has a poor grasp of the language, or they feel like using theossarus terms that you need a dictionary of some decade/century ago- it just won’t do it for me.]

And for the time I am writing this: I am not following nor interacting with Galar/gen 8 muses, because the games aren’t out yet- meaning there is literally nothing about them. This isn’t against anyone writing these characters/pokemon I swear! But I just feel like it makes interactions with these muses impossible.

I guess these are the biggest ones for me, or at least that I can think of.

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

// Not really! In fact most of my main partners- are the ones who exactly don’t do most (if any) of the fancy graphics stuff.

I can dig a fancy promo banner, or a neat PSD for their icons just like anyone else. BUT it isn’t a necessity, in fact it is far from it.

Writing > Aesthetic/graphics

This is how I run things around here fam!

3. What current rp trend do you hate?

// Honestly I have been way more focused on my RPs over Discord, for me to notice any current trend over here? At least any new one?

I guess it isn’t really a trend- but still something worth to bring up, thanks @hatsudenki foir pointing it out- I’m so glad I am not the only one who noticed this.

But...

The attitude of knowing it all.

As in acting as though you’re the expert(tm) about a subject after doing 2-3 generic researches on google, and only reading superficial wikipedia-esque articles.

Is something that should die- in fact, it shouldn’t even have started to begin with.

Because with this mentality, for some reason lack of basic manners think they are entitled to shove down your throat- how you should go about things, write your muse, etc.

Whatever happened to treating others, the way we want to be treated in the first place?

TLDNTR:

Me @ People who act self entitled like that:

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

// It is simple:

I don’t. I keep it a secret. Nobody needs to know.

#ooc /#would you like some salt in your tea?#thetreeofbeginning #why do u allow me to spillmy salt like this fam JKHBDSJHBDS #long post #hatsudenki

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echoes-of-realities · 6 years ago

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13, 24, 25, 29, 40!! 😁

13. hardest character to write

You know what if you had have asked me this back in January I would have said Brittany, but now Brittany’s my favourite character to write! Like she’s witty and hilarious and wise and a Huge Troll and quirky and silly and smart and if you work hard enough and care enough you can get her voice down. I know this because I worked at it until I felt like it sounded like Brittany too, so. I know lately I’ve been writing in Santana’s voice a lot, but that’s because of the stories I wanted to tell there. But I will say that I definitely Miss writing in Brittany’s voice and that will be rectified soon I hope.

Anyways, the actual hardest character to write? This isn’t from the Brittana fandom, but Gina from B99 back when I wrote fic for that fandom? Impossible for me lmao. I still feel like I didn’t write her correctly (even though it’s been So Long), so it’s definitely her lmao.

24. favorite scene you’ve ever written

This is Really Hard tbh and I’m going to give two answers, one for the personal aspect of it and one for the writing aspect of it. The first one is Santana’s coming out to Maribel scene in somewhere along the way we must grow up, not perfect, but up and out in the second seasons fic, and that’s because it was a really personal scene to me so there was a Lot of emotion in that one. (For similar reasons, the childhood scene of we will learn from each other (as you grow up, I will too) is also a favourite because my mom was the same way with me when I was young, where she Knew I was gay and was just waiting for me to catch up.)

For the writing aspect of it, it might be the second chapter of and I don’t want nobody (nobody but you, my love) just because I Love s6 Brittana because it’s the Best Brittana tbh so. (Special shout out to the stethoscope part of love isn’t always magic. sometimes it’s just … melting. though!!! That was also really fun to write!!!!)

25. favorite line you’ve ever written

I’m going to cheat again with one of the first lines I wrote for Brittana fic and one of the most recent.

From you were the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were: “Summer is the time for a new beginning to unfurl inside their chests like a flower searching for the sunlight in the other’s heartbeat.”

And from but I can hear my heart pound (and it’s reaching out to you): “I think it’s romantic,” Brittany says easily, the blue of her eyes only slivers of colour through her eyelashes as she glances up at Santana, and Santana’s breath catches against her teeth.”

(That second one might just be my Favourite line I’ve Ever written, but also the first one is one of the first lines I wrote for that first fic so it holds a special place in my heart just for that.)

29. favorite story/poem of another author

(Geez Kat just send me All of the Difficult ones lmao)

Since these are fic writing asks I’m going to assume this means for fic? So I’m going to Cheat (like I have been all evening lmao) and give three fics by different authors because they Deserve it!!! First, “Things We’re All Too Young To Know” by thefooliam is highkey one of my favourite fics ever. “And Everything is August You” was my very first Brittana fic I think? And I still love it so much, like the Mood JJ sets so it feels like summer even when I was reading it in the dead of a Canadian winter? Incredible. And the last one is one is “I Try to Do Right (But I Got Trouble in Mind)” by @kurzelx because not only is the characterization Perfect, it also made me love college aus again so go give her some love!!!

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

Lowkey I’m going to Drag myself here and say I don’t think there’s enough substance plot wise in any my stories to make That Interesting of a movie lmao. But of them probably but I can hear my heart pound (and it’s reaching out to you), which is mostly because the premise for that fic already came from a musical/movie LMAO so. Without worrying about any of stuff like plot though? I’d love to see my seasons series play out as a series (mostly because it’s me attempting to Capitalize on the Wasted Potential from the hell season that is s3).

#ask #hyejeong #my writing stuff

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almaasi · 7 years ago

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reaction post typed while watching SPN 13x03 “Patience”

(an episode in which everyone tries their hand at parenting, and only Sam and Jody succeed imo)

05:45pm

i would’ve been here earlier but the power was out

right now we’re running the generator so we have water and can cook dinner, but it may go out again at some point

I’M SO EXCITED CAS IS BACK CAS IS BACK LET’S DO THIS

patience is literally my middle name (but in arabic - “Subburah”) hghfghh