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bettsfic · 4 years

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hi, i was reading your years in review and i noticed that you quit a job of many years to go your own way. i was wondering if you would mind talking about this decision/if you struggled with it? idk i've always told myself that i wouldn't let the idea of a "career" get in the way of what i want (e.g. writing) and that one day (shortly after 30?) i would just quit whatever job i had and go my own way, but as that deadline comes up i find it harder to imagine how i could just uproot myself...

yes, i very much did struggle with the decision to quit (what i thought was) my very stable and lucrative career in finance to get an MFA in creative writing. it’s a bit of a long story so i’m putting it under a cut.

warning for suicidality and sexual assault.

i used to believe i grew up poor, but it was the 90s so poverty looked very different. my dad didn’t work for a long time, and so we only had one income, and we lived in an apartment that was kind of a lowkey hoarder home. as a kid, all i knew was that i didn’t get to have toys, or my own space, and i wasn’t allowed to have friends over. the concept of an allowance was totally alien to me. but it also wasn’t like i ever went hungry. the food we had wasn’t particularly healthy but it was always there.

i didn’t really realize how much that instability affected me until much later, when i noticed other people hadn’t lived their entire lives aware of and obsessed with money. i used to compulsively count the change in my piggy bank and beg my mom to take it so she could pay her taxes (i didn’t know what taxes meant, i just assumed they were the reason we couldn’t afford nice things).

my safe haven was always my grandparents’ house, which was clean and had semi-healthy food and the door was always open. my grandpa was a high school chemistry teacher. my grandma worked at a bank. growing up, i had no idea what she did at the bank, just that it sponsored all the fun things we did, like going to amusement parks and baseball games. my parents never took my sister and i on vacation, but every year, my grandma would drive us to visit our family in missouri, which, even though it only cost the gas to get there, seemed like a wild indulgence to me.

i started working at 16 so i could have my own money. by 17 i was working illegally full-time and getting paid under the table. then i bought my own car, and shortly after i turned 18 i got my own apartment. even though i could pay my bills, i was still terrified about money. i thought about it all the time. i checked my bank account multiple times a day. i was a cashier at a restaurant and i would often open my drawer and just stare at the money or count it when i was bored.

but i hated working at the restaurant, and one day i thought to myself, how can i keep the money part of this job but lose the food part? then i remembered my grandma’s career at the bank (from which by then she’d retired), and that afternoon i sat down and applied to be a teller at the very same bank. obviously the bank was very large and it wasn’t like my grandma was in management. she worked in ATM operations. nobody on my hiring committee knew who she was, and honestly i have no idea how i got the job.

i stayed a teller through college, working 25ish hours a week. it didn’t pay very well and i was still nervous about money, so i picked up a job altering bridal gowns on evenings and weekends, and also an admin job at my university. so i was working 60ish hours a week, plus going to school full-time and trying to keep up my 4.0. in retrospect, i can’t remember how necessary all this was. i know i was living in an apartment whose rent was higher than i could afford, and i lived with my boyfriend who was struggling to find a job. anyway, it was definitely the lowest time of my life, and i was so exhausted that every day i hoped something horrible would happen to me so i could be hospitalized and rest.

then something horrible did happen. my dad died. and even though everyone in my life was telling me to please dear god take a break, i did not.

i got promoted to business finance, which paid what seemed at the time to be an ungodly amount of money. i was still part-time and finishing up my undergrad degree. once i graduated, i got promoted to full-time. for the first couple years, i really did try to be a banker. i was good at my job only insofar as someone who is left-handed can write with their right hand if forced for long enough. it felt very much like i was in the wrong place, but by that point i had so much unchecked trauma that i had convinced myself the highest human ideal was misery and deprivation. i wish i was kidding. i was the definition of ascetic and martyred myself. i didn’t believe happiness existed. work was all that mattered to me.

then i bought a house. so at this point, i had student loans, a car loan, a mortgage, and credit card debt. after my dad’s death, my mom had to file for bankruptcy because of all the medical bills. she abandoned her house. by this point i was 23, single, in six figures of debt with no familial support net, but i was making decent money at the bank, so it wasn’t like i was drowning. in fact i was doing pretty well. the bank was a rock in my very turbulent life. i got a lot of vacation time that allowed me to travel a bit. i had insurance and a matching 401(k). it was really a decent job.

but the bank was also in many ways an abusive relationship. i don’t mean that metaphorically. i had bosses who manipulated me, insulted me, humiliated me in front of other people. i had one boss who went so far as to look at my checking account and ridicule my purchases. i didn’t have any idea what it meant to stand up for myself or say no. in fact i wasn’t allowed to say no. my job at the bank involved solving other people’s problems. i could never say “i can’t solve that problem.” i could only say “i’ll figure it out.”

i had convinced myself working at the bank was a stable career because it was boring and i hated it. but actually it wasn’t stable at all. after 2008, there were mass layoffs and restructures every year while the bank tried to recover from the recession. i worked for a sales team, and so my job was dependent entirely on whether or not the salespeople did their jobs well. if they didn’t make goal, they’d get fired. if they got fired, i’d get fired.

i started trying to date again and was sexually assaulted. after that i really struggled at work because i was dissociating a lot and couldn’t focus. my team, despite my having worked there for years, instead of being concerned for me decided to start complaining about me to my boss. finally i had to tell a coworker what happened and that i wasn’t doing very well. my team started being a little nicer to me but ultimately they didn’t care about me, they cared about how effective i was at my job. my boss didn’t want to fire me, so instead i was pushed onto another team.

that move came with a raise. then that team was dismantled and i was pushed onto another team. that was a demotion, but i got to keep my raise from the previous move. by then, i was working from home, and even though i was more comfortable i was also very isolated and miserable. my “fulfillment through deprivation” attitude was destroying me. i wasn’t eating well or taking care of myself. i was isolated and lonely. i still didn’t believe happiness was real and i constantly thought about killing myself.

but i had started writing fanfiction, and even though i didn’t think i was any good at it, i was beginning to see a way out. i was beginning to learn how to dream, and want things, and give myself the things i wanted. i just couldn’t imagine leaving the bank, or selling my house, or moving out of my hometown. all of that seemed impossible to me.

then i had to go to a business conference where my team had a retirement party for one of my coworkers. she’d done what i was doing for 45 years. by that point i was at the 9 year mark. i’d spent my entire adult life at the bank. and i realized: the bank benefited from my fear and passivity, and nothing in my life was going to change unless i was willing to make sacrifices.

but i still wasn’t entirely convinced. and then came the day i had to physically hold onto my desk to keep me from killing myself. i didn’t end up trying it, because i had another realization: this was a life or death situation now. if i kept working at the bank, i knew i would die. i knew eventually i would get low enough to do it. i didn’t actually want to die; i wanted an escape and didn’t know what else to do. suddenly i was off the hook. my options were not “financial stability or imminent poverty” but “live or die.”

those were the big epiphanies i had, but the process of actually leaving the bank was a slow one. i wrote a bit about it here. i got into an MFA program basically by telling myself repeatedly i would figure out the money stuff later. when it came time to quit the bank, my boss convinced me to stay on working part-time, with the assumption i would move back to full-time once i’d graduated. i agreed to it, because just trying to quit was enough to convince me i could, and that better things were ahead of me. for a year and a half, i stayed on working two days a week while doing my MFA, which involved both coursework and teaching, and it felt a bit like it did during undergrad, having too many jobs and no time to breathe or think or feel anything.

between my first and second year, i had a looooong overdue mental breakdown. there were a lot of causes, but one of them was spreading myself too thin. shortly after, i quit for good. by then it didn’t feel like a big deal at all, i was so far removed from the work and my team and so focused on my degree. one day i turned on my work laptop and the next day i didn’t. i shipped it back to HQ and it was over.

then i graduated from the MFA and suddenly had to face the consequences of this life i’d chosen. my school kept me on as an adjunct, but it felt like being a ghost. i no longer had the community of my cohort. i had no health insurance. i was given my teaching schedule and a contract to sign, that’s it. there was no guarantee i would be getting classes the following semester, and after a year, that was what happened. i remember sitting in my favorite coffee shop trying not to cry when i got the email that said the department had nothing for me to teach the following semester.

i really wasn’t the same after the breakdown. i went from “i can do anything i put my mind to no matter how hard it is or how much it hurts” to “i have to step carefully, and treat myself gently.” i hadn’t fully realized that yet, though, so i tried to get a Real Job. i got the first and only job i applied to, because i am bad at nearly everything but somehow i’m exceptional in interviews. it wasn’t a bank but it offered the same sort of benefits package. it was a full-time salaried position at a non-profit. if i had found it earlier, i think it would have been my dream job. it was the kind of work you throw yourself into because you care so much about doing good.

i lasted a month. during the first week something happened that triggered me in a way i’m very rarely triggered. i realized i needed disability accommodations, but i needed to go to a doctor to get an assessment and i had to be on the team 60 days in order to get insurance. i thought i could white-knuckle it, and i could, sort of, but every minute i was at work, it felt like i was forced away from the thing i should have been doing. i was constantly trying to write a few paragraphs here and there on my phone when no one was looking. i had to find excuses to take breaks and go to my car and breathe. at one point i told a volunteer i was an english instructor, and she looked at me very confused, and i realized i’d said it in present tense, like it was part of who i was and not a job i did for a while. then finally, my breaking point was an after-hours function. when i left i saw a field full of fireflies and thought about how, if i’d just stayed home, i could have sat outside and enjoyed them all evening, not just a glance at them on the way to my car. i liked the job but it was making me miss all the things i’d learned to love about being alive.

i quit the next day. i’d sold my house by then (which was its own feat) and moved in with my grandma, which hadn’t been a possibility until my grandpa passed away the previous spring. i paid off my car. i figured out finally that i would probably never be able to work full-time again unless it was teaching, and that the downside to this life would be accepting fear and instability, only being able to look ahead one semester at a time. staying open to the opportunities that arise. being a little selfish.

i wrote a bit more about the financial realities of the writing life here. i can’t tell you what you should do, because the path i took definitely isn’t the path for everyone, but i do believe we all owe it to ourselves to pursue our best and happiest lives, because we only get one, and there’s no reason not to live it the way you want to.

#writing advice #the writing life #Anonymous

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siodium · 4 years

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REVIEW: BURIED STARS ☆

came across this korean mystery vn and i knew i had to get it bc someone commented that it had a similar feel to danganronpa/zero escape O: seems like i have a type

i usually don’t prefer to get digital copies of games but there was really no choice... i heard the physical copy is sold out in korea and resales are going for 200 USD ain’t nobody got money for that

i don’t think anyone i know is gonna purchase this game and play for themselves and i can’t share the game either bc it’s a digital copy sooo i’m gonna write a review~ please enjoy!!

basically the plot goes as such: the survival reality tv show Buried Stars was about to commence the finals of its current season with the remaining five contestants when the building suddenly collapses. most of the audience and staff members were safely evacuated except for seven ppl (the five contestants and two staff members) who are trapped in the wreckage with just their smartwatches that connects them to the outside world via calls (problematic bc they can only call a restricted number of ppl and the signal inside is shit) and phater (bootleg twitter). after trying to make some calls, everyone was then told that the rescue team would take around six hours to break into the collapsed building to get them out.

ok so they just have to wait it out... in an unstable building that can come down at any moment. cool.

then!!! they find the producer’s dead body, seemingly a victim to the falling debris!! they’re down to six survivors now.

despite the circumstances, voting is still ongoing and some rando on phater claims that the contestant in the last place will die as if the atmosphere wasn’t bad enough.

this is your smartwatch interface!! most of the functions are pretty useless with regards to the actual gameplay but it’s just fun to play around with them i guess

for e.g. you can change the background and ringtone but they don’t affect anything

there’s this feature that keeps track of changes that occur when you pick certain conversation topics during communication rounds and it’s really useful for replays!! too bad it doesn’t keep track of sanity changes in mc

this is the mc!! even though he looks like he would be a tsundere punk he’s actually very soft?? kinda like saihara but with a bit more spine

AND THIS IS MY BEST BOI GYU-HYUK

i lowkey ship them bc of their interactions alsjdkasjs jUST LOOK AT THIS

i was expecting there to be a lot of mysteries but given the circumstances i guess it makes sense to not have that many... there’s no murder mystery if it happened in an accident site and looked like an accident you see

a lot of conversation topics focus on the character’s backstory and stuff so you get to learn more about the characters while waiting for rescue (one of the goals of this game is actually to collect characters’ profiles!)

bonding through a shared traumatic experience sounds reasonable

did i mention that the cutscenes are fully voiced (either in korean or japanese depending on your preference)?? i played it in korean for my first gameplay for ~Optimal Experience~ but i switched to japanese in subsequent plays bc i wanted to be able to understand what the characters were saying without reading the text

the only thing that throws me off is that characters are given japanese names in the japanese dub but the in-game text still uses their korean names??? why

my boi gyu-hyuk is voiced by takuya eguchi and hyesung is voiced by shimono hiro (i actually doubted my ears at first bc hyesung sounds angry 24/7 and i only know shimono’s derpy zenitsu and troll ouma voices sweats;;) wOW 👍👍👍

the first ending is the same for everyone even if you picked the best options

they call it a “normal end” but tbh it’s a bad end bc everyone dies and nothing is resolved

after you clear the game for the first time you will get to replay from the start but your options will change so you can proceed towards other routes!! yay

oh yeah in case anyone is wondering this game is rated T and bodies are shown in the form of a silhouette with non-explicit close-ups during investigation so if you can’t handle graphic stuff it’s not too bad

warning: from here on there will be spoilers for the true ending and other endings!! stop scrolling if you have even the slightest intention to play the game

collected all the endings after 30ish hours of gameplay!! i wanted to strive for 100% completion in achievements but i’m not sure how to get some stuff... might go back and try other options in the future

in the true route you receive help from this random phater user plughole aND I JUST LOVE THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN HIM AND DO-YOON LMAO

idk if anyone tried to guess who the real culprit is but it turned out to be

my boi gyu-hyuk......

he had his reasons (not trying to say he did no wrong) and it’s just unfortunate that things turned out this way

while playing, i thought to myself... if there was one person i would glue do-yoon to throughout the entire game it would be gyu-hyuk... bc i was certain he wouldn’t hurt do-yoon

i was right tho... even in some routes where do-yoon catches him in the act, gyu-hyuk didn’t try to silence him

CRYING

i don’t know much about korean law but he has THREE murder charges on him whicH SOUNDS LIKE DEATH SENTENCE

i’m sad bc there’s no way to save my boi even in his best ending

plughole visits you in the hospital in the true ending!! he is also a troll irl it seems

he was kinda sus in the beginning but i really hoped that he was a Good Guy to keep do-yoon sane in the wreckage

and i’m glad he was

do-yoon looks super baby in his hospital clothes

he was not kidding when he said that his actions were bc of his sister (who is a hardcore fan of do-yoon) lmao

aaa the girls are doing great after their treatment!! they visit do-yoon too!!

yeah i also want to know why do-yoon is the only one still hospitalised with all those bandages when everyone else is fine but i guess maybe he got injured when he protected gyu-hyuk from falling debris at the start of the game

...

if you don’t find out the true culprit of the murders gyu-hyuk goes free and he visits you every day in the hospital aND SAYS STUFF LIKE THIS

ugh it hurts me

...

there’s also a joke ending (when you pick the “i’m the attacker” option lmao) which i appreciate a lot!! something to lighten the tense mood is what i crave for in games like this

somehow i feel like it’s even scarier than the usual atmosphere bc of how ooc everyone acts

BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY SCARY?

there’s a horror route that you can enter by using the “laboratory” conversation topic on everyone and expressing how much it creeps you out

and the entire game shifts in genre to actual horror (like with paranormal activities)

IT WAS REALLY SCARY AND THERE WERE HANDS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE WAS ACTING WEIRD ASLJELKASJ i had my eyes closed half the time and i regret playing on my monitor

i didn’t take many screenshots bc as i mentioned my eyes were not looking at the screen for most part but i hope that you can kinda understand where i’m coming from with these two screenshots

...

the game is actually split into two major routes (A and B) which differ in who gets saved and who dies

you can only start on the B route after you get the true ending which is in the A route

unfortunately there is no route where everyone (even if you exclude the producer bc she dies before do-yoon regains consciousness at the start of the game) survives TT

if hyesung and seil survive then gyu-hyuk kills himself and leaves a note but do-yoon tears it up so we don’t know what he wrote

overall a solid mystery vn with beautiful graphics and enough routes to keep you occupied for many hours!! i highly recommend following a walkthrough bc it’s not an easy game if you want to collect all the possible endings and achievements

cuz there are minor changes to the epilogue depending on how close you are with the characters

i actually don’t play a lot of VNs but i feel like all VNs need the route map thingy in AI: the somnium files

my only gripe about this game is prob the derpy translations which usually isn’t a big issue (imo at least) but for a game priced this high?? i expected better

anyway that’s all from me!! thanks for reading til the end hahah i wanted to write a srs review but i just ended up simping for gyu-hyuk

#log #this is peak c*vid content

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theskytraveler · 5 years

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So, here’s the deal.

I’ve been a terrible internet friend lately to the lovely @dreamwritesimagines. Sorry. I didn’t mean to pull a Houdini, you know? In my defense, it’s been one of the craziest years of my life, but now I’m BACK! For good! And I know I said that before, but now it’s FOR REAL.

Btw, thanks for always tagging me in your work, it truly means the world.

Anyway, I need to make up to you, so here’s a little surprise 😉 Instead of reading each and every chapter I haven’t read yet and writing my lovely comments on them – spamming your notes with me in the process – I wrote this little thing here.

To you, Dream, here are my long overdue thoughts on your recent incredible work.

To you, my followers and whoever else might be reading this, here are some incredible fic recommendations. You’re welcome.

Since this is partially a fic rec post, I’m gonna write about everything available on your Masterlist, Dream. You know my thoughts on most of these, but ah well. I’m on a roll.

Series I have already finished: (so you can skip it if you’re curious about the ones I haven’t talked about yet)

First, my all-time favorite series you have ever written, the phenomenal Bad Habit. I guess this started as a one-shot and it became so much more. This series has it ALL! Great characters, smart and funny dialogue, fantastic character development and plot twists that hit you out of nowhere.

Oh, and the Y/N here is basically my spirit animal.

Btw, I reread this series a few days ago, and I wanna know: where is my sequel? Where’s the Christmas themed one-shot? My little Zoe acting as Matt’s sidekick and falling in love with Peter Parker (I still remember this anon headcanon, yes, and I still ship it, yes). Gah, I love this series.

While we’re on the Ben Barnes train, let’s talk about Daddy Issues. It’s a Westworld fic that doesn’t take place in Westworld. And it is GREAT. Logan and Y/N are so cute and the ending was perfect. And I still want a one-shot of a proposal, thanks.

And before we get into the more angsty stuff, we gotta talk about Invisible. It’s the softest series ever. I know it’s on a long hiatus for now, but I still think about Y/N and Steve and the fact that I lowkey ship her with Billy. When you find the inspiration for this series again, I’ll be ready. Also, what the hell happened in Detroit?

Ah, Don’t You Love Me. Don’t I love this series. (Sorry, terrible joke. Don’t you love me?). One of the best character developments ever. Y/N here is so flawed and struggling with so many things. It just makes her so human and real. And her road to recovery was a joy to read. And Steve is Steve. The most perfect puppy of a man. And how could I forget my favorite villain in all your series? Trent is GREAT! I STAN A PERFECT ANTAGONIST!

And, finally, it’s time to talk about Faint of Heart. Another one where the character development we see Y/N go through is astounding. I love Queenie, my favorite Y/N ever. This series had the most perfect ending I could dream of. And not just Queenie, I mean, this series has the most amazing cast of characters, I love all of them! The ones from the show and the new original ones. Queenie, Bree and Eric are my babies. AND I WILL DEFEND THAT SOMBER LITTLE PASSAGE WITH MY LIFE OK? THAT IS MY FAVORITE PART IN THE SERIES, NOBODY TOUCHES THAT!

From this point forward, be aware that there WILL be spoilers for new readers.

Series I started, but you have no idea who I feel about the ending because I never told you and series I haven’t started yet: (again, my bad, sorry).

There is never enough Billy Russo, is there? So, Once a Year. The one I never finished. UNTIL NOW THAT IS! Two dysfunctional people falling in love, ah. Or realizing they’ve been in love all along. Billy and Skittles give me the creeps, but I also couldn’t help but ship them. As I recall, the last chapter I read was Chapter 9 and I had a LOT OF QUESTIONS. Like, what the hell is actually going on kind of questions. AND WHAT HAPPENED LAST YEAR kind of questions. Here are my final (and edited, because this post was already super long, so I had to do some compromises) thoughts on this series:

Chapter 10: My desire to kill Krista is alive and well, I see. Carter is still a puppy and I see myself in Karen, because I too want to see all the drama up close. Skittles and Billy “broke up” and I am SAD. And also curious as to WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?! Always questions, never answers;

Chapter 11: THEY KISSED, OMG, STOP EVERYTHING THIS IS SO GREAT, SO FINALLY, OMG, I’VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR LIKE 84 YEARS, NOBODY TOUCH ME! THEN HE SAID HE WAITED OVER 10 YEARS FOR THIS, EXCUSE ME DREAM HOW DARE YOU? YES THIS IS HAPPENING IN A PUBLIC BATHROOM, DON’T STOP THEM NOW! (This five steps game is so cute btw, BUT WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS NOW)! HE BROKE UP WITH KRISTA? YAY! JSFOIAHFI IT’S HAPPENING;

Chapter 12: THEY ARE SO SOFT, I CAN’T- and now everything has gone to shit. Well, it was good while it lasted. Why can’t they just communicate? Tell him what is going on, Skittles. Why are you marrying Carter? AT LEAST TELL ME! Oh, wait. They’re communicating. WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT! EXCUSE ME, WHAT THE FUCK? Bring me this Aldrich dude, I’ll kill him;

Chapter 13: This whole “second wedding” thing is cracking me up, I laugh every single time. Aldrich has some nerve showing up in the gallery. And I am reminded yet again of how much Skittles and Billy scare me hahaha it’s great;

Chapter 14: It really is one step forward and two steps back with those two, huh? I love my girl Karen! She ships it and her being confused about the situation is the funniest thing ever. And then she gives the best advice. Gotta love her. And now, back to the Skittles and Billy show… COME ON, MAN! Wait. IS SHE BREAKING UP WITH CARTER? Man, I’m so glad I don’t have to wait to find out, which brings us to…

Chapter 15: Oh, geez. I feel for Carter. Dream, set him up with Rose or something, I’m suddenly so sad. Carter is such a great guy. DAMN IT, BILLY! There are only two chapters of this left, how are you messing things up, man? Oh, wait. MERMAID! Oh, I just remembered that these two CREEP ME OUT. Jesus, Billy. That’s not romantic, man. Skittles and Billy need professional help, my GOD;

Chapter 16: Poor Carter. I’m not really a beach kind of person, but I’m glad Skittles and Billy are happy in a remote location. “BEYONCÉ TAUGHT ME BETTER”, THIS IS THE BEST QUOTE OF THIS SERIES, I’M DEAD! Awn, the gallery is so cute! I love it! OH NO! Rawlings. Of course you needed to give us on last plot twist, why am I surprised? EXCUSE ME, HOW DARE YOU? YOU WRITE AN EPILOGUE OR SOMETHING RIGHT THE FUCK NOW! OH MY GOD! WHAT THE FUCK.

I just...

Of the new series I haven’t started yet, how could I not begin with Crown of Hearts? After how much I loved Faint of Heart there is a sequel? GIMME! Let’s break this down chapter by chapter (again, I had to edit my comments, because they were just too long):

Chapter 1: OMG I’M SO EXCITED. Ah, Queenie’s childhood was so sad, I’m glad she won’t let the same happen to her children. EITR, THE BEST FALCON, I MISSED YOU! The domesticity between Ivar, Queenie and Ragnar, I can’t. It’s too cute. BJOR AND BREE! I missed them too! And Gala and Hvitty. Where’s Ubbe? And Torvi? Btw, I don’t trust any of these new people;

Chapter 2: “Baby shark”. I’m gonna laugh every time I see that. “BWE” OMG! I LOVE THAT! Oh, yes! Flashbacks! I love those. Ok, I’m warming up to this Osmond guy, but I still don’t know if I trust him. Threats everywhere, they really can’t catch a break, huh? STOP EVERYTHING, ERIC the love of my life IS HERE! I am so ready for more Eric content. Can he fall in love with that dog loving shieldmaiden of the headcanons now, please? WAIT, QUEENIE, DON’T LEAVE! I WANT MORE ERIC CONTENT! NO! ERIC, FOLLOW HER! That was cruel, Dream. Wow, those rumors about Queenie. People sure are creative in defeat (burn people from her home country, burn). QUEENIE IS A LEGEND PEOPLE, YOU TELL THIS RAYDON GUY;

Chapter 3: They are really talking about teaching poisons and swordfight to a baby? Of course they are. Oh, they’re waiting until he’s seven. That’s better. I hate Queenie’s mother. Such a vile woman. Ok, I like Osmond. Can we keep him? Make him fall in love with a Viking girl! Or boy! I see him falling in love with someone rather clumsy. I ship it already. “Who did Ivar kill?” AHAHAH I LOVE THEM. It will happen, guys. But oh well;

Chapter 4: I love them all ganging up to tease Hvitty. Poor guy, but still. It’s so entertaining. DAMN BREE, WAY TO GET ME EXCITED LIKE QUEENIE OVER NOTHING! I want this wedding, damnit! But, sure, go off on a raid instead, I guess. “THE BJOR INFLUENCE” AND “IT’S LIKE A CURSE” I’M SCREAMING AHAHHA. Ok, Bree, you convinced me. Go chase your freedom. Excuse me, but WHO THE FUCK TOOK BABY RAGNAR? I’LL END YOU;

Chapter 5: Bree is a godsend. Bless her heart. Taking care of Queenie during this mess. This entire situation is awful, btw. That was MEAN, Queenie! This fandom has raised you better! OH THEY FOUND HIM, THANK YOU! Queenie scares me sometimes, but I guess this time those guys had it coming;

Chapter 6: Queenie is gonna have to make up to Ivar, sorry I don’t make the rules. HVITTY CALLS GALA “MY HEART”, EXCUSE ME THIS IS TOO SWEET! DAMN, Hvitty. Tell us how you really feel. But, yes, I guess Queenie needed to hear that little comment about Edgard. Bree is so smart, I stan. Why are you being shady right after I decided I like you, Osmond? Please explain yourself.

I’m loving this. I missed this gang so much. The only thing lacking in Crown of Hearts is more Eric content. How dare you show him for like two seconds and then NEVER AGAIN? You’re torturing me here, Dream. But ah, I want to know more about what is going on in Kattegat. I don’t trust a whole bunch of people, but, well, can’t say I’m surprised about that. CAN’T WAIT TO READ MORE!

I literally squealed with glee when I saw that you were writing for Bucky. Untouchable is the one I was the most excited about reading. And the best part? I already have 7 chapters to binge! And I am obviously going to tell you my you guessed it, edited thoughts on them:

Chapter 1: I’m liking this setting! The 1940s, what a twist for most of Bucky fics out there, this is great. And Y/N is already so interesting! AH, HI BUCKY, I LOVE YOU! I love flustered Bucky. This feels like they are star-crossed lovers, separated by their “places” in “society” and I am HERE for it;

Chapter 2: OMG SHE’S IMAGINING BUCKY, YES! I already ship them so hard, I s2g. This Charles guy, I don’t like him. I bet he is a Hydra double agent. Who sent her the flowers? Does Y/N have a stalker? I’m worried. OMG, HI LITTLE TINY STEVE! The alley scene broke my heart, thanks;

Chapter 3: Wait. Bucky and Y/N are sneaking around? What happened? Did I skip a chapter? Did we skip time and I didn’t notice? Like, I’m glad and all, but still. AH, it was a dream. I see. Rude. And on that note, Shirley is rude too. Oh, not now, Charles! Go away! Y/N and Bucky were having a moment. Oh, there’s bad blood between Bucky and Charles, I see. Interesting. “If you knew half of the things he did, you would have nothing to do with him”. Bucky, darling, do you really think Y/N has a choice? Men are so obtuse, my god;

Chapter 4: “And sooner or later he would get mean, all of them did” I AM CRYING! This is terrible. Y/N must have had a very difficult life. And her current situation isn’t really any better. LITTLE TINY STEVE TO THE RESCUE! I stan. Steve also ships it, welcome aboard, buddy. And, Y/N is in denial. I would argue that a broth is never just a broth. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. I LIKE YOU THOMAS! He ships it too and he has no idea who is the other half of the ship. Bucky sees the real her, I can’t- “There’s nobody” and I am deceased;

Chapter 5: Daydreaming about Bucky Barnes? I sure can relate. NOPE, Linda! Don’t even think about it! And she thought about it. Argh. But who cares about that when we have Bucky and Y/N being their ADORABLE selves? Bucky, my sweet summer child, you are so fucked. You will be happy eventually, but Hydra, man. Brace yourself for the next 50 years. THE KISS! THIS MOMENT WAS SO SWEET! OMG, I’M DEAD! This was so perfect. So of course Y/N had to run away. Thanks. LINDA I’M GONNA KILL YOU! AND CHARLES IS NEXT! Y/N get OUT of there;

Chapter 6: I need to know. Are the bruises a regular thing with Charles or did she do something that made him angry? I feel like it’s the former. I don’t like it. WHY THE EVERLOVING FUCK DID YOU SIGN THE CONTRACT, Y/N? I hate you, Linda. And you, Charles. OH MY GOD, BUCKY IS THERE! He is the best person ever, so soft. Someone get me a Bucky. Omg, tell him, Y/N! Why don’t you people ever communicate? This is driving me crazy;

Chapter 7: Do NOT ruin this for us, Shirley! Don’t tell a single soul! Or else I’m putting you on my hit list. Y/N and Bucky are going on a date and I am SO excited. Hey, Ruth? Do NOT ruin this for us! Go away. “I want you to trust me first” and my soul has left the earthly realm for I am deceased. Again.

Ok, I’m loving this? I don’t want it to EVER end! Bucky is perfect, Y/N is so interesting and Shirley is also pretty great. I hope she does find true love eventually. But that General guy… I don’t trust him. At all. I’m also pretty sure he’s Hydra and things will get really ugly for both Bucky and Y/N. And given your recent history with Once a Year, I’m not really sure we’ll have a happy ending, so thanks for that. I obviously CAN’T WAIT TO READ MORE!

Now, Burn It Down has nothing to do with FoH and CoH, but it was influenced by The Last Kingdom? I’m sold. (Like I always am when it comes to your writing, as you’re probably aware, but oh well). I obviously read all three chapters and here are my thoughts (edited, as I’m sure you know by now):

Chapter 1: That was a creepy way to start a story. Like, first paragraph and I’m already kinda creeped out, thanks. Hmm, the animal heart bit? We’re not in Kansas anymore, I guess. But I’m intrigued. She doesn’t trust men what a mood, very smart of her. I like her. She’s creepy, but I like her. What happened in Ivar’s tent two nights ago? Ok, I’m intrigued;

Chapter 2: I’m liking Y/N’s and Ivar’s dynamic. It’s fun to see them getting acquainted with each other and figuring out how to deal with this little situation they have going on. Ok, but why is she helping Ivar? Like, yeah, their destinies are entwined or whatever, but he’s so rude. I’d tell him to go to hell, honestly. He’d have to earn my help;

Chapter 3: Well, Hvitty is obviously the brother that will be forgotten. Poor guy, but oh well. At least forgotten doesn’t mean he won’t have a good life. Now, the brother who “shall be the victor” is Ubbe and the “tragedy” one is Ivar, because of course. Also because I don’t accept anything bad happening to my sweet puppy Ubbe. But like, “victor” of what? This is so vague. This Y/N and Skittles would be good friends.

Ok, I’m intrigued! Not sure how I feel about Y/N yet, but I think she’ll be more like Skittles than Queenie. I’m ready for that! This fic has a different atmosphere than the ones I’m used to see in your writing, but I’m liking it so far. Obviously can’t wait to read more.

So, there you have it! Hope you liked it and I promise I won’t disappear on you again!

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dilfhakyeon-moved · 5 years

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tag game

except i wasnt tagged by anyone. i just like talking about myself

nickname: i dont..... rly have nicknames..... except adnie and androlomew from when i went by andy. only cocoa ever gave me nicknames can we thank cocoa

zodiac sign: sagittarius baby

height: 4'9"/1.49m ( funny how i managed to be the exact height that has 4 and 9 both ways )

hogwarts house: hufflepuff, though i think im on the verge of gryffindor not a single test has ever given me anything but hufflepuff so guess ill die a puffle

the last thing i googled: font generator ( facebook doesn't let me use italic and bold so i have to find ways )

favourite musicians: ah well..... onewe lmao. spyair and kiryu too check them out they're cool. im not including kpop as a whole bc the list wld be too long

song stuck in your head: crystal snow by bts apparently but like. just the intro when they're not singing yet

following: oh fuck. 1179. i rly need to clean that up

followers: 470... same as usual yall know how it is

do you get asks ? el em ah oh :") no ok i get asks sometimes... from two mutuals of mine..... and eurovision anon around eurovision time

amount of sleep: whoa it really depends. i range from 2 to 13 hours tbh

what you're wearing: a shirt and my underwear bc it's too hot even with the windows wide open i hate this stupid season and also global warming

dream job: something that involves acting and dancing and singing so like... musical theatre yknow. either that or smth with animals like a zookeeper or smth. i love animals so much yeehaw

dream trip: idk i think i just like travelling or the idea of travelling. id rather go somewhere quiet though i dont rly care about the country so long as the weather isn't too hot ? i cant handle hot weather

instruments: i can play a mean für elise on the piano ( and a bunch of basic other stuff, nothing impressive ), i learnt the violin for a year and im trying to play the guitar but it's hard. also id love to play the drums. i can only really sing

languages: french, english, some functional german, bits of useless latin and very very basic spanish, portuguese and swedish. i know a bit more korean but while i can write it easily... speaking foreign languages is so hard my brain cant process the word order

favourite songs: ok so senbonzakura was always a fave ill admit. genjou destruction has a special place in my heart too. now we're done with the weeb shit im just gonna say... blackout from in the heights ITS EVERYTHING. without further ado into musicals rn im REALLY into superhuman, which brought back everybody by shinee full force, twilight, zigzag & bingbing by oneus, n/s & miroh by skz, love me right by exo ( it will not leave my playlist idk what to do ), drippin, we go up, go, take off, fire truck, without you, alligator, stuck, lost in the dream, new heroes, fancy, rush, trespass, rodeo, oh my, dionysus, livin it up, sunrise, i wanna be, blue, symptoms, why so serious, jamais vu, make it right, valkyrie, fallin, holy water, want, mars, shalala, bon bon chocolat, beautiful, shoot me, chain, hey mama, sorry, like we used to, she's in the rain, killing me, ring on my ears & 0&4 by onewe. i wont say any more. i legally cant say a single other song title. it's too long already

random fact: i have adhd and it shows

aesthetic: am i allowed to say taemin. he really shaped my taste in clothing and aesthetic tbh he pulls off the "sexy but not sexualised" thing very well and thats legit all i want to achieve. but also cute pastel bc duality calls lmao

i tag nobody but do this if u want ! go wild

#dieghoe.txt #long post #nobody will read it I lowkey wrote it for myself anyway #i really spend too much time talking abt the music i like #im so glad music exists

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heartbxnd-blog · 5 years

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@thetreeofbeginning has sent: What would prevent you from following someone?, Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?, What current rp trend do you hate?, How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

the be honest meme. aka things you lowkey want to talk about but don’t because you don’t know how to bring it up. send me a number and i’ll tell you the honest truth. either a simple yes or no answer or a detailed response. [Accepting]

1. What would prevent you from following someone?

// You know... The usual stuff:

Politics being brought up in anyway or shape, or you know one of those uwu virtue signalers(tm) (spoiler alert: they are just troublemakers);

Blogs that don’t have an about nor rules page;

Content that I don’t like seeing on my dash (uwu soft gay depwessed boi hereee, etc.);

Muses who I just can’t see myself interacting with (this also includes characters from series I am not familiar with! Or a certain fandom I am trying to avoid, etc.);

Certain muns (this isn’t me throwing shade or anything, but I legitimately do avoid people who rub me in the wrong way so I would rather just avoid them altogether. I also try to avoid muns who my friends have told me to avoid [I try to form my own opinion about someone beforehand and it is rare for me get influenced by others, but sometimes my friends are right about others.]);

Fictional kins who identify as the muses they write (Learned my lesson, ain’t gonna waste my time with these people sorry, not sorry!);

Bad writing (As in: if I’m struggling to understand what you wrote [like I’ve read it 4-5 times and still can’t process what you are trying to tell me] that just won’t cut it for me [I know my english isn’t the greatest out there, I try to write as clear as possible. Whether because the mun has a poor grasp of the language, or they feel like using theossarus terms that you need a dictionary of some decade/century ago- it just won’t do it for me.]

And for the time I am writing this: I am not following nor interacting with Galar/gen 8 muses, because the games aren’t out yet- meaning there is literally nothing about them. This isn’t against anyone writing these characters/pokemon I swear! But I just feel like it makes interactions with these muses impossible.

I guess these are the biggest ones for me, or at least that I can think of.

2. Are aesthetics important to you? If they are, why?

// Not really! In fact most of my main partners- are the ones who exactly don’t do most (if any) of the fancy graphics stuff.

I can dig a fancy promo banner, or a neat PSD for their icons just like anyone else. BUT it isn’t a necessity, in fact it is far from it.

Writing > Aesthetic/graphics

This is how I run things around here fam!

3. What current rp trend do you hate?

// Honestly I have been way more focused on my RPs over Discord, for me to notice any current trend over here? At least any new one?

I guess it isn’t really a trend- but still something worth to bring up, thanks @hatsudenki foir pointing it out- I’m so glad I am not the only one who noticed this.

But...

The attitude of knowing it all.

As in acting as though you’re the expert(tm) about a subject after doing 2-3 generic researches on google, and only reading superficial wikipedia-esque articles.

Is something that should die- in fact, it shouldn’t even have started to begin with.

Because with this mentality, for some reason lack of basic manners think they are entitled to shove down your throat- how you should go about things, write your muse, etc.

Whatever happened to treating others, the way we want to be treated in the first place?

TLDNTR:

Me @ People who act self entitled like that:

4. How do you explain rp to someone in the real world?

// It is simple:

I don’t. I keep it a secret. Nobody needs to know.

#ooc /#would you like some salt in your tea?#thetreeofbeginning #why do u allow me to spillmy salt like this fam JKHBDSJHBDS #long post #hatsudenki

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echoes-of-realities · 6 years

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13, 24, 25, 29, 40!! 😁

13. hardest character to write

You know what if you had have asked me this back in January I would have said Brittany, but now Brittany’s my favourite character to write! Like she’s witty and hilarious and wise and a Huge Troll and quirky and silly and smart and if you work hard enough and care enough you can get her voice down. I know this because I worked at it until I felt like it sounded like Brittany too, so. I know lately I’ve been writing in Santana’s voice a lot, but that’s because of the stories I wanted to tell there. But I will say that I definitely Miss writing in Brittany’s voice and that will be rectified soon I hope.

Anyways, the actual hardest character to write? This isn’t from the Brittana fandom, but Gina from B99 back when I wrote fic for that fandom? Impossible for me lmao. I still feel like I didn’t write her correctly (even though it’s been So Long), so it’s definitely her lmao.

24. favorite scene you’ve ever written

This is Really Hard tbh and I’m going to give two answers, one for the personal aspect of it and one for the writing aspect of it. The first one is Santana’s coming out to Maribel scene in somewhere along the way we must grow up, not perfect, but up and out in the second seasons fic, and that’s because it was a really personal scene to me so there was a Lot of emotion in that one. (For similar reasons, the childhood scene of we will learn from each other (as you grow up, I will too) is also a favourite because my mom was the same way with me when I was young, where she Knew I was gay and was just waiting for me to catch up.)

For the writing aspect of it, it might be the second chapter of and I don’t want nobody (nobody but you, my love) just because I Love s6 Brittana because it’s the Best Brittana tbh so. (Special shout out to the stethoscope part of love isn’t always magic. sometimes it’s just … melting. though!!! That was also really fun to write!!!!)

25. favorite line you’ve ever written

I’m going to cheat again with one of the first lines I wrote for Brittana fic and one of the most recent.

From you were the choice I made before I knew what the other choices were: “Summer is the time for a new beginning to unfurl inside their chests like a flower searching for the sunlight in the other’s heartbeat.”

And from but I can hear my heart pound (and it’s reaching out to you): “I think it’s romantic,” Brittany says easily, the blue of her eyes only slivers of colour through her eyelashes as she glances up at Santana, and Santana’s breath catches against her teeth.”

(That second one might just be my Favourite line I’ve Ever written, but also the first one is one of the first lines I wrote for that first fic so it holds a special place in my heart just for that.)

29. favorite story/poem of another author

(Geez Kat just send me All of the Difficult ones lmao)

Since these are fic writing asks I’m going to assume this means for fic? So I’m going to Cheat (like I have been all evening lmao) and give three fics by different authors because they Deserve it!!! First, “Things We’re All Too Young To Know” by thefooliam is highkey one of my favourite fics ever. “And Everything is August You” was my very first Brittana fic I think? And I still love it so much, like the Mood JJ sets so it feels like summer even when I was reading it in the dead of a Canadian winter? Incredible. And the last one is one is “I Try to Do Right (But I Got Trouble in Mind)” by @kurzelx because not only is the characterization Perfect, it also made me love college aus again so go give her some love!!!

40. which one of your stories would you most like to see as a movie/series

Lowkey I’m going to Drag myself here and say I don’t think there’s enough substance plot wise in any my stories to make That Interesting of a movie lmao. But of them probably but I can hear my heart pound (and it’s reaching out to you), which is mostly because the premise for that fic already came from a musical/movie LMAO so. Without worrying about any of stuff like plot though? I’d love to see my seasons series play out as a series (mostly because it’s me attempting to Capitalize on the Wasted Potential from the hell season that is s3).

#ask #hyejeong #my writing stuff

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asreoninfusion · 7 years

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The Judas kiss trope you talked about is suddenly my jam despite not having seen it before and so curious about the thing you wrote with it! ... Would you mind at all if I use it in a sefikura fic as well?

I mean, to be fair, I don’t think it is actually a thing. >> Or certainly not common enough to be considered an actual trope. It kinda feels like it should be, and hoo boy it’s been in my head enough that to me it feels like it’s fuckin’ everywhere lol. But yeah, I’ve never seen much - if any - of it before either. xD;; Judas kiss was just what I decided to call it more than any actual trope name.

(The definitive way to find out: TV Tropes. If there’s anything like it on there, it’s a trope. It might not be as specific as a kiss, but there’s gotta be like a dramatic betrayal moment trope or something??)

But either way, HELL YES?! Please feel free to use it for Sefikura goodness!! And tag me when it’s done because I absolutely 100% want to read that is so my jam.

As for the other thing I wrote…. mmm, fuck. Just yesterday I reblogged a post all like ‘being an adult is enjoying the same stuff you did as a pre-teen only not being ashamed of it’, so it seems hypocritical for me to immediately be like ‘actually I take that back I have so much shame’. xD;;

‘Cause, uh, yeah. It was a 2nd person POV/“reader” insert thing. Which oddly enough came about from me seeing a bunch of self-insert stuff (in another ‘fandom’ I’m kind of in now apparently (my soul has been consummed help)) and being like, hey, I don’t have a problem with that and it’s probably serving an important purpose for the people making it, that’s cool. I just can’t get into it personally because I can’t wrap my head around the idea of any of the characters ever paying attention to “me”. Like, if I were to put myself in the world of FFVII for example, I couldn’t even imagine Sephiroth giving me the time of day, y’know? The closest I’d ever get to him would be as a nameless corpse on the end of Masamune.

(Now I think about it, this may just be an underlying/lowkey self worth issue. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )

But that was the thought that inspired me. What a good excuse for some super dark and messed up shit, if the reader was just nobody and the only outcome of interacting with the canon character was get fuckin’ wrecked. (In the non-innuendo way; which, as a side note, is the other reason I can’t read self-insert stuff when it includes smut, just because that’s where my aceness rears it’s head. I need a VERY firm line where I personally am nowhere near the sexy things ever thank. But that’s obviously just a me thing.)

So I ended up running with that idea and writing some really dark shit (no pun intended). It was fun. It was sooooooo much fun. Probably not any good, but I haven’t been that excited to write a fic in a long time.

Uhh, anyway. I rambled. What fuckin’ ever, it was Darkiplier/reader and you can read it here if you really want.

#shame #shaaaaaaaaaame #lol #also yeah #if you're not familiar with the character #and at least semi up to date on the lore #i don't think it'll make much sense anyway.....#anonymous

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the-last-airbadger · 8 years

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Get To Know Me Questions

Ok so I reblogged this thing a few days ago, and even though nobody asked me questions, I’m still going to answer them, because I really like doing these things and maybe, just maybe, there’s someone out there that’s actually interested in my answers to these questions but was too shy to ask me or didn’t see the post. But now the answers will be in my personal tag forever. Yay ^-^

(please beware this is a very long post these are 125(!) questions! It took me three days to finish!)

I hope you enjoy these questions and my answers to these questions!

1. What is your full name? Skylar Elliott (Dutch last name). (I’m not sure if I wanna post my last name on tumblr…)

2. What is your nickname? I don’t really have a nickname… everyone calls me Sky though, I guess that counts…

3. What is your zodiac sign? Gemini!

4. What is your favorite book series? Percy Jackson and the Olympians. I have never enjoyed reading a book as much as I enjoyed reading these books.

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? I don’t know? I’d like to say I believe in aliens and ghosts but there’s always this voice in the back of my head that tells me that it’s “cool, but they don’t actually excist because it hasn’t been proven”. Although I do believe that aliens must be out there somewhere I mean the universe is so big we cannot be the only life forms. I just think aliens are so much more different than we humans can even imagine.

6. Who is your favorite author? Rick Riordan! Very sassy, author of my favourite book series and cares a lot about representation in books which is very gud.

7. What is your favorite radio station? I mean I don’t really listen to the radio but I kinda like skyradio because it has part of my name in it and I also love npo2 between christmas and new years eve because they play a top2000 of music that you can vote for and it’s really fun. (These are both dutch stations I believe, so if you don’t recognise these stations, that’s why)

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? Usually strawberry. Strawberry ice cream, strawberry sweets, strawberry sauce, strawberry lemonade, strawberry tea, strawberry smoothies… I love them all.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? “Awesome” or “cool”

10. What is your current favorite song? Heaven - Troye Sivan ft. Betty Who Prove me wrong - Fireflight Escape - Fireflight They share the first place so I listed them all. I literally cannot choose.

Heaven makes me feel much lgbtq+ pride and happiness, as well as sadness and determination to change the world. Plus I can really relate and let my emotions out by listening to this song

Escape is a very good song about overcoming fears and, again, I can really relate to this song. I really like the refrain because when singing it I can really throw my emotions into this and let them out. Again, this song fills me with determination to change the world and the way I handle problems. It makes me feel stronger. And the ending is really reassuring and beautiful.

Prove me wrong, I can also really relate to. It’s about being insecure about yourself but then someone else helps you see that you are actually a really nice person. It reminds me of my friends.

11. What is your favorite word? Ethereal - “Extremely delicate and light in a way that seems not to be of this world”

12. What was the last song you listened to? Heaven - Troye Sivan ft. Betty Who (listening to it right now)

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? Brooklyn Nine-Nine because it’s hillarious and very progressive and inclusive and the characters are very lovable.

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? Probably just any Harry Potter movie. They never get old.

15. Do you play video games? Sometimes. I’m not that big of a fan of videogames but I like games like life is stranger or all the harry potter games and I sometimes play mario with my brother.

16. What is your biggest fear? I’m afraid of my house setting fire and I’m kinda afraid of all bugs but I think my biggest fear is wasting my life and dying unhappy and unfulfilled.

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? I’m a very positive person and I have and okay face and I make bad jokes (that I secretly think are hillarious). And I always try to learn and improve myself and become the best person I can be.

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? I’m insecure about EVERYTHING and I overthink every move I make in life and that makes me feel like I’m failing everything and everyone especially the people I care about.

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? Cats! I think dogs are very cute but irl I kinda shy away from dogs because I’m still lowkey scared of dogs but cats are so cuddly and cute and I want

20. What is your favorite season? Probably fall. Because of Halloween and the leaves FALLing (get it? Fall, falling. haha) from the trees and the colours and the wind and the whole leadup to christmas. I also like that the temperature isn’t to high or to low. Winter’s too cold and summer’s to hot and spring is okay but not that special.

21. Are you in a relationship? Nope. But right now I’m only interested in friendships anyway so I don’t mind. (also being both ace and trans I kinda feel like it’s impossible to find anyone who’d actually want to date me so I kinda just… don’t bother. Transition first, relationships later)

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? I miss that I was so social and talked to everyone without restraint or fear. And I miss having the time to read.

23. Who is your best friend? @asiandutchgirl @the-official-pentacorn They’re both two of the most wonderfull people I’ve ever met don’t you dare make me choose

24. What is your eye color? Brown. There’s some green in them somewhere too if you look really closely but it’s mostly brown.

25. What is your hair color? Also brown but I’ve been thinking about dyeing it for a long time… but usually I can’t because my acting class won’t allow it.

26. Who is someone you love? My siblings, my parents, my best friends, my grandparents, my household, my pets (although pets aren’t really people but I LOVE THEM OKAY)

27. Who is someone you trust? My siblings and my best friends. I could tell them anything.

28. Who is someone you think about often? I hope this doesn’t sound weird but My best friends. They make me happy and they’re a big part of my life even though I don’t see them nearly as often as I should. And I guess, because of that, I just miss them often.

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? I’m in the middle of the process of legally changing my name and gendermarker! I cannot wait to see them on my new ID!!

30. What is your biggest obsession? At the moment definately VOLTRON (season 2 was so guddd)

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? I used to loooooove Zack and Cody. And after that I started to enjoy ICarly and Victorious a lot. I used to spend whole weekends watching these shows.

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? My best friends and my sister.

33. Are you superstitious? A little bit. I mean I know it’s bullshit but somewhere, in the back of my mind, I still believe bringing “lucky items” to stressfull situations will help me somehow.

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? Uhh… not really? I mean the only thing I can think of is that I cannot sleep in a room with, for example, my mom, because I know she snores and then I am so afraid that it’ll keep me awake that I cannot sleep… -_-

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? I prefer to be in front of the camera because being behind the camera makes me responsible for the final product while being in front of the camera comes pretty natural to me. My granddad always films every important family event and I grew up with a love for acting and being on stage so… I like that.

36. What is your favorite hobby? Watching a show that is soooo goood you just have to binge it and being on the edge of your seat the whole time and just getting lost in it basically.

37. What was the last book you read? A book for school. “Two women” by Harry Mulish. I didn’t really like it. *spoilers* a lesbian main character was killed in the last two pages just as I thought she’d live happily ever after -_-

38. What was the last movie you watched? Iron man… I think… yeah I watched that the day before my brothers birthday when his friend stayed over.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? I play the piano! I’m not that good at it but hey, I enjoy it.

40. What is your favorite animal? I really like Lions. They’re like big cats and also super majestic.

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? the-official-pentacorn, asiandutchgirl, hagraeven-side-blog, slytherin-bookworm-guy, relatable-pictures-of-pidge… I think…. there are much more, I’m sure, but these are the first ones I came up with and they all have a special place in my heart.

42. What superpower do you wish you had? I’d love to be able to fly, but, as a trans guy, I think shapeshifting would probably make me the happiest.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? In the cinema. Just comfortably sitting in a chair with food. My only responsibilities being watching a movie, keeping my mouth shut and eating. Perfect.

44. What makes you smile? Music, My friends, A happy scene in a tv-show or book, a very bad joke, realising how much I love the people that matter to me, having an actual nice social interaction that wasn’t in any way awkward, gender euforia, doing something I love.

45. What sports do you play, if any? …Have you ever seen me trying to exercise?

46. What is your favorite drink? Fresh Lemonade. I had some in Greece and it was literally the best thing I’ve ever tasted… Why don’t we have that in the Netherlands :’(

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? Probably sometime when I left the house to get some groceries and didn’t know when my dad would be home so I left him a note on the table

48. Are you afraid of heights? It depends. If I’m walking next to a very deep drop I’m terrified I’ll fall, but in a rollercoaster, on a plane, or even a on bus that’s driving on narrow roads next to a massive ravine, I have no problem with heights. I guess I just don’t trust myself at great heights because of my clumsiness.

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? Whenever I’m trying to concentrate on something I cannot handle it when people ! start ! to ! eat ! crisps ! or ! nuts ! or ! something ! VERY ! LOUDLY !!!! Somehow this mainly happens around my mom and sister and not really anyone else but sometimes it gets so bad I literally have to leave the room. Also snoring… because if someone starts to snore I will not be able to sleep for hours unless I have my phone and some earbuds nearby.

50. Have you ever been to a concert? Yes! I’ve seen Al di Meola (when I was six, with my dad), Lissie, Maria Mena, Delain, Within Temptation (twice), Vanessa Carlton and K3 and I’m gonna see Lindsey Stirling in March!

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? Nope! But my dad is vegan so half of the time the only meat I eat is the sausage on my sandwiches.

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? Cassier, Artist, Inventor, Archaologist, Game-Designer, Actor, Writer, Idfk. All in this order.

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? I’d love to live in the world from Avatar: The Last Airbender because it’s basically the same as ours only with DRAGONS and BENDING and all other kinds of cool animals and cool stuff.

54. What is something you worry about? In a week and a half I have test-week and then in a little more than a month I have another test week and then in May I have my final exams and I have SO MUCH LEFT to study and SO MANY PROJECTS left to do and SO MANY BOOKS left to read and I worry I will never pass and die in the process and start hating my life. (which I already kind of do because of school, but hey, only four months left… only four months left…)

55. Are you scared of the dark? Depends. Around 8pm I have no problem with the dark but around 11pm/12pm/1am I am not a fan of walking down two sets of stairs to go to the toilet.

56. Do you like to sing? YES. Omg I absolutely love singing!! I sing everyday and I’m also in a choir (that has been founded for trans people specifically so I don’t have to worry about my high voice) which is super awesome and I love it.

57. Have you ever skipped school? Nope. At least not without my parent’s permission.

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? Probably just any cinema or my home. They’re both places I can just feel at ease and eat.

59. Where would you like to live? Tbh I am perfectly happy in the places I live right now and I don’t think I’ll ever move far away from here, but it would be supercool to live in London!

60. Do you have any pets? Yes! I have two guinea pigs (who are both supercute and cuddly) and a cat (who is supercute, but anything but cuddly)!

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? Night owl. Mornings are for sleep

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? Sunsets because sunsets happen around my favourite time of the day, and I only see sunrises if I have to wake up very early or if I’ve pulled an all-nighter and I hate both of these things. Like I said, mornings are for sleep.

63. Do you know how to drive? No, I don’t. I will probably start lessons next year though!

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? I prefer headphones because of the sound quality, but after I’ve worn my headphones for an entire day they always start to hurt because they press my glasses against my head and when I’m going outside earbuds are a lot easier to take with me. Same when I’m trying to listen something calming to fall asleep, earbuds are easier.

65. Have you ever had braces? Yes, I’ve worn braces for about nine months when I was thirteen

66. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t really have a favourite genre, but I really enjoy soundtracks, rock, some pop and some dubstep songs.

67. Who is your hero? I don’t really have a hero. There are a lot of people I look up to but I think that if I’d have to choose someone right now I’d choose Thomas Sanders because he’s just the nicest human on the planet and I aspire to make people laugh and smile like he does.

68. Do you read comic books? No, not really. They don’t really grab my attention the way books or tv-shows do and I always end up skimming the pages and spoiling myself.

69. What makes you the most angry? Ignorance. Whenever someone refuses to be open minded. Whenever someone claims to know something better than I do and refuses to listen to me. Whenever someone tells me how I should be feeling when they don’t even try to understand what I’m feeling. Whenever someone even tries to shit on my community, friends and interests.

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? I prefer reading a real book because books never run out of power, smell good, and just give me that nice reading vibe. And because my e-reader is slow as heck and I have to wait ages for the pages to turn.

71. What is your favorite subject in school? My favourite subject is probably Ancient Greek. I really like learning the ancient greek language and culture and I’m also pretty good at it. Plus my ancient greek class is a very nice group of people and we have an awesome teacher.

72. Do you have any siblings? Yes! I have a sister who’s eightteen and a brother who’s fourteen and I love them very much.

73. What was the last thing you bought? Last monday I bought myself crisps, cola and some liquorice candy because I had a sore throat. (edit: and today I bought some more crisps, some more cola, and candy’s agains coughing… they didn’t help)

74. How tall are you? Last time I checked (about nine months ago at the hospital) I was about 165 cm tall which is about 5’5″

75. Can you cook? … I can make eggs… and pancakes… and really easy pieces of meat that you basically only have to heat up in a pan…. And I can warm up soup from a can… and that’s about it I guess lol

76. What are three things that you love? Time for myself, watching tv-shows, rain.

77. What are three things that you hate? playing sports, homework, stress.

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? Definately more female friends. I can’t relate as much with cis men and I don’t have that many trans people that are actively involved in my day to day life. Plus girls are amazing.

79. What is your sexual orientation? I identify as asexual. I don’t really understand what sexual attraction is exactly… and like… I do not understand how you can associate people you actually know in your life with sex without being creeped out? And the idea that people that are in a relationship are having sex with eachother just… really boggles my mind. Especially because to everyone it seems so normal? and then I’m just like “why would you do that…”

80. Where do you currently live? I have two houses (divorced parents) and I live in both a small city and a big village. They’re both about half an hour away from Rotterdam in the Netherlands but I’m not sure if I wanna post the exact places I live on tumblr…

81. Who was the last person you texted? My brother. He asked me which one of us would buy banana’s and chocolate. I said he should because I was still at school.

82. When was the last time you cried? Last sunday. I was super stressed out because of school. I had to finish a project and I had two hours left but my brain was dead so I kinda crashed.

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? Phil Lester (AmazingPhil), Dan Howell (danisnotonfire), Sean McLaughlin (Jacksepticeye) and Chase Ross (uppercasechase1). Dan and Phil always make me laugh and make me feel appreciated and I love them and their video’s and their dynamic a lot, Jack feels like one of my closest friends and he’s such a nice and funny guy, and Chase has helped me so much with transition-related problems. They’re all amazing and I cannot imagine my life without them.

84. Do you like to take selfies? Yes, I do! A lot! Whenever I’m on a trip or I look good or I just feel like trying on some new clothes and stuff, I always make selfies.

85. What is your favorite app? Probably the tumblr app. I spend half my life on there. Nothing is better than using my tumblr app to avoid social contact.

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? Really good. My mom is a very warm person that I can tell almost anything to. She’s very understanding and her hugs are very soft. She values my opinions a lot and is always there to listen to what I say. With my dad I find it harder to tell him everything but that’s probably because I get the feeling that he expects a bit more from me? Idk if that’s true though, might just be my imagination. But he’s a very chill and self-assured person and I like that it’s always so calm at his house, whereas at my moms house things can be very chaotic and sometimes stressfull. My dad is very open and very accepting and he keeps surprizing me with how much he’s okay with. Overall my parents are really really nice. They support my transition and my life choices and they just want me to be happy. I couldn’t have wished for better parents.

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? I really love scottish it’s amazing. A gift to humanity.

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? Japan!! I really wanna go there it seems so awesome!!

89. What is your favorite number? 13

90. Can you juggle? I can’t even aim, throw or catch a ball of course I can’t juggle

91. Are you religious? Nope

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? Outer space. There are so many things left to discover and it’s so big!! It feels like everything is possible in space. Also it’s very pretty.

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? Not really. Whenever something scary happens, I’m out. I’ll run away as fast as I can. I do really like rollercoaster and stuff though and I’d love to try and sky-dive or bungee-jump… but I guess that’s because I’m not the one who’s in control in these situations.

94. Are you allergic to anything? Not that I know…

95. Can you curl your tongue? Yup.

96. Can you wiggle your ears? A little bit

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? I try to always admit it when I’m wrong about something. It’s a very decent thing to do and it prevents conflicts from happening or escalating. Plus you won’t really gain anything by refusing to admit you’re wrong about something.

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? The forest. I hate the beach. It’s either way too hot or way too cold and there’s sand everywhere I hate it.

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? I don’t know. I can’t really remember all the advices I’ve ever been given, and I don't think that one piece of advice alone can have that much impact. It’s the combinations of all the advice you’ve ever had that really makes a difference. If you can combine different people’s experiences and advices you’ll figure out what to do by yourself. But I guess if I had to choose one piece of advise that I value, I’d say: “It’s good to think about others and help other people, as long as it isn’t at the expense of yourself. In the end, you are the most important to yourself. You are the one that has to live with yourself for the rest of your life. You shouldn’t always put others before yourself because you are important too and you deserve love and kindness and happiness too. You deserve to be happy” (I think most of this advice I actually got from markiplier, from his most recent believe in yourself video. It’s a very motivational video, go and watch it!)

100. Are you a good liar? Yes I am. I used to lie about everything to fit in with the cool kids and keep them as my friends. It was like second nature to me. I guess I did learn something from acting class… I still lie a lot to my acting friends by the way, just because they party every week and I hate parties but if I tell the truth they think I don’t like them, which isn’t true at all. I like them! But I really hate parties… and they can be a bit draining to be around.

101. What is your Hogwarts House? You might belong in Hufflepuff, Where they are just and loyal, Those patient Hufflepuffs are true And unafraid of toil

102. Do you talk to yourself? Yep. Pretty often. Whenever I’m home alone I just sorta narrate my life. Sometimes I make it a musical!

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Introvert. Interacting with people is fun but after a while I really need time alone, it really drains my energy, especially when I am not feeling well anyway. The only interactions with people that actually give me energy are interactions with my closest friends and family.

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? I keep a transition-diary to write down the important moments related to transition, so I can read it back when I’m older and I won’t forget anything.

105. Do you believe in second chances? Yes. If someone is really willing to better themselves and are working hard to improve I think they deserve a second chance to give them the opportunity to learn from their mistakes.

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? Probably leave it. I woudn’t want to go through either the trouble of handing it in or the guilt of not doing that, so I’d probably place it somewhere more noticable and let someone else decide what happens with it.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? Yes. People go through all kinds of things in live and they keep learning and bettering themselves. If a person really wants to change then I believe they can, no matter how long it takes. They’ll get there.

108. Are you ticklish? Yes. Very. If you tickle me I start screaming and kicking and I sometimes fall on the floor. It’s my weakness…

109. Have you ever been on a plane? Eight times. To Rome and back, to portugal and back, twice to greece and back.

110. Do you have any piercings? Do earrings count? Because I wear earrings sometimes.

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? Aang. I feel like we would be pretty good friends and our world really needs the avatar tbh.

112. Do you have any tattoos? Nope. But I do want one. I just cannot decide what I would want on my body forever… probably either something avatar related (like the air-nation logo or something, because that’s really cool) or something transition-related because it’s such an important part of my life and it’s something about me that will never change.

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? Coming out and contacting the hospital to start my medical transition. Because without that, where would I be? I’d be the unhappiest little shit ever.

114. Do you believe in karma? Nope

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? I’ve worn glasses ever since I was eight years old. I will never wear contacts. ever. They freak me out! Why would you put something in your eye.

116. Do you want children? I don’t know. I always wanted kids, but ever since I found out I was trans and realised that I couldn’t have them naturally, I’m not sure anymore, because I don’t know if I want to adopt. I think it’s really gonna depend on if I have a partner or not and what the possibilities are… we’ll see. Babies are very cute though… and I think I’d love being a dad, even though I’m very afraid of becoming a terrible father. If I have kids I want them to be happy and decent humans. My sister will definately have kids though because she really really wants kids so I’ll definately be an uncle and maybe that’ll be enough for me. Who knows? And mayble I’ll get a partner with young kids and help them raise their kids… I think I’d prefer helping someone raising kids and giving the kids good life advice and do fun things together without being the one who has the most responsibilities.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? My sister has a friend who scored really well in school (an average score of around 90% I believe), who now studies both medical science and classics, plays the piano flawlessly, and is also a very nice person. She also won a price in an ancient greek competition, she was the best of the country!!

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? I was ten years old and I had a friend who was a pretty big bully and I really wanted to stay her friend so I kinda just went along with it. One day I thought I was being cool and asked said friend to place a folded airplane on the bullied guy’s table that said something like “idiot” on it. The guy then proceded to tell the teacher who told the entire class and demanded to know who had done it. I was terrified! Then my supposed friend ratted me out. I wanted to dissappear!! My teacher at the time was kind of my hero and I did not want to dissappoint her at all. I then proceded to lie that I just wanted to give the guy a folded airplane because I knew he liked them and didn’t know that it had the word “idiot” on it. I said that the word idiot wasn’t directed toward the guy and that I didn’t turn myself in because I was to scared the teacher would be angry at me. She believed me and everything went well but damn. This is the memory that still haunts me at 3am when I’m trying to sleep.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? Yes. A lot. Always at sleep-over parties. I used to really love pulling an all-nighter but now… not so much. When it’s 4am, I just want to sleeepppp.

120. What color are most of you clothes? Most of my clothes are blue! I have a lot of dark blue sweaters and hoodies.

121. Do you like adventures? Meh. I used to, but now I just want to go home and watch a movie.

122. Have you ever been on TV? Nope, but I’m probably gonna be! Right now there is a documentary in the making about my choir, which will be on TV and I’ll be in it!

123. How old are you? I’m 17 years old and I’ll turn 18 on June 4th 2017.

124. What is your favorite quote? I really like the entire songtext of escape by fireflight, but I can’t really put an entire songtext here, can I? The part of the song I love most are: “You are not hopeless. You are not worthless. You are loved. Don’t give up. This is your time” and “We don’t want to save ourselves” But if I had to pick an all-time favourite quote I’d probably pick the following quote from Dan Howell: “And at the end of the day, if something makes you and other people happy, that’s what’s important”

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? Savory. I really like sweet foods from time to time but I am always craving savory foodsss ohm yg od

So there it is, I hope you enjoyed these questions and getting to know me a bit more! I really enjoyed answering these questions and they also kinda helped me study, because I only allowed myself to answer ten questions after finishing a certain amout of homework, so that’s good…

I hope you liked this and have a nice day!

#personal #long post #troye sivan #fireflight #music i like #gemini #hufflepuff #dan howell #phil lester #jacksepticeye #chase ross #thomas sanders #markipleir

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herhmione · 8 years

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so I can't speak for everyone on why I love pansy but really for me it's just the fact that she /was/ such a terrible character. Not just like, a bad person, but she was so, SO poorly written. I am forever going to be spiteful towards jkr for creating such a one dimensional character that seems to embody everything stereotypical and bad about a teenage girl without ever giving any any HINT that she could have a personality beyond 'blood purist'. So for me, it's kind of like what we've done with-

the marauders, which is build a character on minimal information. obviously we have more to go on with the marauders but I guess I'm trying to say- Nobody really loves /canon pansy/. She was terrible. I get that. But I reject that she was so terribly one dimensional and stuck up and BAD. And nothing against demelza or any of the other underdeveloped female characters in hp but pansy stuck out to me because she /bothered/ me and I guess the others just didn't quite so much.

i don’t want to start anything so i’m going to just kind of lay out my argument in the best way i see how and then be done with this topic (i mean unless i get more asks in which case i can’t help myself but anyway). if you are easily offended/really really love pansy parkinson, don’t read this

pansy didn’t have the space to be a terribly written character because she’s not really in the books at all. i don’t have the time or energy to look through my books right now, but i’ve read the series enough to know for a fact that she was not featured or important enough in them to be developed. it would have been a waste of both words and paper to give us more of her backstory, to describe her, to really show her as a nuanced character because she basically contributed nothing to the story other than being an asshole. it wasn’t as if jk rowling was writing her as a major character and left her underdeveloped - she maybe speaks five times in the entire series, and is definitely in it much much less than the gryffindor girls such as parvati and lavender. pansy serves the purpose jk rowling intended her to. furthermore, you act as if jk rowling creating this underdeveloped, one-dimensional character (which is an assessment i don’t agree with simply because there’s no need to fully develop a character when they barely play a role in a series) is this huge terrible thing, as if she hasn’t created a million, billion other characters for you to choose from. i know i reblogged a post elaborating on this, but you have parvati and lavender (who were both sold short by jk rowling and deserve more love and nuance and actually play a relatively more significant part in the series than pansy) and amelia bones and hannah abbott, all who can be developed wonderfully, and all of who weren’t blood supremacists.

the problem with people in the harry potter fandom who love pansy is that they ignore the blood purist part of her personality. it’s fine if you want to also make pansy obsessed with bunnies or really into painting, but you cannot ignore or erase the fact that she was a blood purist. she supported voldemort. this is not something you can change. i don’t care if she goes through a redemption arc - she still supported voldemort at some point, and that needs to be addressed.

you can make pansy nuanced and add onto her story while not forgetting the fact that she was a blood purist and acknowledging that that is at the forefront of her personality.

for context, think of it this way: death eaters are a metaphor for nazis. i, and hopefully you, wouldn’t give a shit if a nazi or a nazi supporter loved to paint, was a “strong woman”, or had a multidimensional personality. THEY WOULD STILL BE A NAZI.

this brings me to my next point: PANSY PARKINSON IS NOT A FEMINIST. i have no idea how anyone can justify this to themselves... anyone who is the equivalent of a nazi can never and will never be a feminist. i do not care how strong of a woman they are, how snarky they are, how tough they are. they do not respect all women, and therefore they are not a feminist. i don’t even know why i need to say this, because it should just be common sense.

now, onto the topic of death eaters = nazis. jk rowling has said many, many times that she wrote the death eaters as an allegory for the nazis. voldemort, therefore, represents hitler. i feel like a lot of harry potter fans forget this, and if they kept this in mind, would be a lot less apologetic of voldemort’s supporters.

there’s a trend i’ve seen recently in the harry potter fandom, and it’s one of shipping characters and those who want to oppress them. i don’t know if you guys just throw together two characters without regard to their personalities or backgrounds or if you actually just don’t care, but i’ve seen some rather disturbing pairings. i don’t think you realize that shipping people like hermione and tom riddle is disgusting because that’s literally like shipping a jewish person and adolph hitler in 1940s germany. how do you not find that wrong? there are certain ships that simply should not exist, and others that can only exist with meticulous character development and/or a complete changing of canon. pansy/hermione is one of these. pansy bullied hermione on multiple occassions and supported a person who literally wanted hermione killed. i’m sorry, but that doesn’t scream “they’re in love!” to me. if you want to ship p*nsmione or whatever the hell, go ahead and do so (i can’t stop you), but you need to be aware of why it’s wrong. the only way i, myself, can justify the ship is with miles and miles of character development from pansy. and even then, it still feels wrong to me.

which brings me to my next point: why does everyone in this fandom treat hermione like utter and complete shit? it’s all very lowkey, not very overt, but it’s evident in literally almost every ship you guys make up for her. IT IS NOT HERMIONE GRANGER’S JOB TO REDEEM ANYONE. she is a muggle-born, and, honestly, if i was her, i would never ever in a million years fall in love with or even get near someone who had been complicit in my oppression. ever. i understand that some of the most popular ships in this fandom (namely, dr*mione) are sometimes written in a way in which draco redeems himself on his own and then has to work for hermione’s love, and while i personally can never feel comfortable with that, i do find that less disturbing and don’t really have as much of a problem with people shipping that. the problem is that people usually don’t take that route, and so it is left to hermione to change her oppressors.

on the topic of draco, another thing that the harry potter fandom does not seem to understand: SLYTHERIN HOUSE IS SYSTEMICALLY RACIST (i.e. BLOOD SUPREMACIST) IN CANON. i’m not talking about like if you personally think you’re cunning or whatever and sort yourself into slytherin so don’t come message me with dumb ass “i’m not racist!!!” comments. i’m saying that the house of slytherin is literally a racist house. i don’t know how you guys can argue like the founder of it was literally like “i only want to teach purebloods.” obviously not every single god damn slytherin is racist, just like every single white person is not personally racist, but as a whole, the group is complicit in oppression of muggle borns. i don’t know how it’s so easy for you guys to see this in the real world when it comes to white people, or straight people, but you can’t acknowledge this in slytherin house. furthermore, slytherin house is all about tradition and family values, so it’s no surprise that this way of thinking festered and thrived in the house, as many of the students would simply be parroting their parents. like i don’t know why you guys want to argue so hard against this fact - it’s a book series. there are people who are more bad than others. the slytherins, as a house (NOT AS INDIVIDUALS), are these people.

but i’ve gotten off track. here’s what i really want to say about pansy. IF YOU DON’T FEEL LIKE READING THE REST, AT LEAST READ THIS: pansy parkinson is a bad person. there’s no use fighting it - there are bad people in books, just like there are in life, and pansy is one of these. it does not mean you can’t like her character. it does not even mean that you can’t add your own nuance to her character, make your own headcanons for her. what it does mean is this: YOU CANNOT ERASE THE FACT THAT PANSY IS A BLOOD SUPREMACIST. NO MATTER WHAT THEIR PERSONALITY, A NAZI IS A NAZI, END OF STORY.

#literally come at me if you want i don't give a fuck because i'm honestly so done with the harry potter fandom #anti pansy #hp #anon #hey look people actually want to talk to me

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pisati · 5 years

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my friend in jail wrote back to my last letter a few days ago, and I just got it today. we’ve been reminiscing a little bit over the passage of time, him more solemnly. he’s mentioned it a few times but I still can’t wrap my head around it: we really have been writing back and forth for about two years now. I do remember reaching out, and I guess it really was summer two years ago that I saw his mom’s post on his facebook page, pleading for his friends to write to him while he was in court-ordered rehab.

the summer I transferred schools, I ended up getting really sick. I was alone, didn’t have any friends around, my anxiety was off-the-charts, and on top of that I didn’t know what was wrong with me. around the time I was supposed to get my CT scan done, when I was in so much pain I kept calling off at my part-time job til I quit, I was afraid I’d die in my sleep. I couldn’t eat or even drink, really, and I was dropping weight like nothing. at my lowest I weighed about what I did when I was 14. I could only sleep 3 hours at a time. I’d stay up til morning and wake up after a few hours to my heart pounding. one morning, must’ve been around 4 or 5am, I got a random facebook message from this guy I knew of in high school but had never talked to. he was part of the “cool” crowd, sort of. I knew of him as one of the class clowns who partied on weekends with the other kids fitting that descriptor; everyone knew who he was, but he wasn’t one of the populars, if that makes sense. he’d been in detention or in-school suspension for something or other since middle school; not really a troublemaker, but definitely not a model student either. I don’t think we had any classes together, since he mostly took the academic-levels and I took the advanced/AP courses. or maybe we had stats & discrete together in 12th grade? I don’t remember. I think he friended me my first year of college, back when everyone from high school added everyone else from high school just because we had mutual friends. I was maybe a little surprised, hence why I remember when he added me, but we never talked. but that one summer he’d seen one of my statuses about being sick, and messaged me to say he hoped I was feeling okay and that I’d get better soon, also he thought I was pretty (lol), and he confessed he had to get pretty drunk to work up the nerve to message me. that got a laugh.

I don’t remember how often we talked back then, but it was often enough. he’d check in on me, only ever polite. he told me about the girl he was dating (or had just broken up with?), I’m sure I told him about my whole ex-boy situation. I tried to gently advise him away from making the poor decisions he was making as far as this girl, he comforted me telling me that I was a catch and any guy that couldn’t see that wasn’t worth my effort anyway. we kept talking sporadically through 2015; I remember messaging him (I’m pretty sure it was him?) while sitting on the couch one winter in T’s then-girlfriend’s apartment; they’d invited me and A over for some reason or another, and I don’t even remember what movie we were watching because I didn’t watch a second of it. I’d been staring ahead at the bookshelf until I got a message, then I was engrossed in complaining about the whole situation, ha. he was ever the patient listener, and very courteous about offering advice, lowkey bashing these guys in my life too, ha, but being aware that he didn’t know the situation all that well. a lot of his advice was well-founded, though, and I definitely put a lot of value in what he said, though I can’t remember much of it now.

I don’t remember us losing contact, really, all I remember was that I heard about his best friend’s heroin OD, and then later saw his mom’s posts that she’d tagged him in. once we started writing back and forth I learned how hard he took his friend’s death. I don’t remember how he ended up with his grandparents in kentucky, but he was there and ended up stuck there because of his felony charge. he learned a lot about his own issues in rehab, became much more self-aware and reflective and he knows he’s grown into a better person despite everything. it makes me glad that time is at least passing quickly enough that he may be able to be with family soon. I think he may be released into a substance abuse program next month, and he’s really looking forward to that. I feel like I’ve had to remind him to keep his head down until he gets out, but jail politics are unfamiliar territory for me. he’s told me some pretty wild stories, most recently about someone who ratted about a tin of dip that was in a common area and tried to pin it on my friend (and of course it wasn’t his; he’s not stupid), some guy in his pod who keeps starting shit... he doesn’t want to have to fight this guy, he tells me, but if he starts anything with him he’s not going to sit there and take it. but I know he’s got his goals at the forefront of his mind and he’s hopefully not going to jeopardize them for some petty bullshit.

it’s just amazing to me, though, how long it’s been. but he’s right; all of it did happen. it really has been that long. at least he remembers it.

It’s crazy that my time down in Paducah was 2 years ago already... I want to ask where 2018 went and then I remember that I spent half of it locked up. 2 years of you keeping me company through thoughtful writing and thinking about that feels, I don’t know, deep? I mean you took time to write me in sickness, school, personal ups and downs, etc. Even when people I’ve known for 18 years can’t write me or ask how I am, or when family forgets about me and can’t take a minute to ask about me or write me. Yet you take time out of your free time to check on me by writing, when family can’t send me a birthday card but you’re able to hand-make me one. I appreciate you being such an amazing human being and friend to me.

that’s all I could hope for, really. just keeping some kind of hope alive in him, even if it’s just me. sometimes that’s all you need to get through hard times; just one person to care enough. I could feel the desperation in his mom’s posts, saying how nobody was writing to him and he was lonely and going through losing a best friend and now rehab for alcoholism instead of jail (but then eventually jail because he missed one meeting and had someone sign his name for him, and someone ratted on him). and like... he was there for me when I needed it, what kind of person would I be to ignore him when he needed it most? I couldn’t imagine being in his situation and feeling like nobody cared. being hundreds of miles from home, knowing your best friend is gone, only having limited contact with even family, and then on top of that being stuck in jail with a bunch of other smelly guys (he often complains about the smell of a bunch of guys living together in small quarters), most of which are drug addicts, alcoholics, repeat-offenders, many of them he’s described to me as ‘not terribly bright’ (in kind terms, of course)... it was hard enough for me having to move home from PA once I finally found a group of friends I was actually comfortable with, who seemed to genuinely like me and appreciate my company, and feeling like I’ve been slowly losing all my friends since I left, feeling like nobody even wants to spend time with me because when I ask I’m just met with silence... I know how bad that feels, but to be at your absolute lowest, in his situation, and feeling like nobody even cares to write to you? check in on you? see how you are? nothing at all? I knew he had enough of being made to feel worthless by too many people in his life. if I could make even a little difference by being there for him, I couldn’t not do it. sometimes it has felt like a chore to write back, but only because I feel like I need to write enough for it to be worth reading. I want to come up with thoughtful replies, and for that I have to be in the right mental space. sometimes it’s taken me a week or so to write back, but he doesn’t mind. he appreciates the effort I put in anyway, and understands I only have so much energy; in this last letter he reminded me to pace myself and not to push too hard if my walks and yoga are too much for me. I appreciate his being so understanding too; too many people hear I can't get through 2-3 mile walks without crashing and insist I must be faking it, or I’m just really out of shape. there’s always some reason that’s my fault.

he’s started calling my letters Hannah Weekly, haha. I tend to write little updates about my life to give him a glimpse into something else beyond jail. he doesn’t seem to mind, though; he doesn’t have much to update me on anyway, besides the little things they find on road crew sometimes, or when the officer supervising them on road crew treats them to fast food every so often. or this new lunatic in his pod. he earns 63 cents a day, he says. and a jar of peanut butter is $9. either 7 or 9; something outrageous. his poor family has to pour money into this jail just to keep him semi-comfortable. 15-minute phone calls cost money too; I forget how much. but he still tries to call me about once a week or so now.

he didn’t have much to say about my health, but I understand he’s not well-versed in any of it. I mostly just write about those things to vent, get my thoughts organized in my own head. but he reminded me that, on top of my health not being good, I really have been worn out.

You’ve had a stressful year and even before your father passing you were stressed out from work, and before that it was from school. You’ve mentally and emotionally been through a lot in the last few years. Changing schools, having to leave friends behind, shit with your ex/friend from PA, etc. It all adds up and takes a toll, you know?

I feel like that should be more obvious to me. it sounds like something I’d say to someone else. but I’ve probably been brushing it off. taking it as it comes, one thing after another. what’s another mental, emotional hit? isn’t this just life? but maybe I really did need to see it worded like that. I’m sure it’s occurred to me that it all adds up. but maybe I thought I’d just moved past it. that I’d healed between hits, even though I knew I hadn’t. the damage was still done. the toll had been taken. a rock is still a rock even when it’s been chipped at, but those chips do add up over time, and before you know it, the rock is shaped entirely differently. I definitely feel different. but is that not still life? we’re all shaped by time and everything that fills it, good and bad.

I’ve always been a supporter of the idea that everyone handles different amounts of trauma differently, and people change in how they handle trauma too. a nightmare that I could brush off like nothing today sent me into an hours-long panic attack just 5 years ago. but all this time, over everything I’ve been through, I’ve still never truly felt like my pain was justified. I’ve tried to convince myself I’m just being stupid, overemotional; that it’s really not as big of a deal as it feels like to me. boys hurting me (we never even dated; he told me repeatedly it meant nothing), losing my pets (’they’re just rats...’), feeling completely alone (people all have their own lives; so what if nobody ever responds to your posts about wanting a concert buddy), feeling like I’m worthless and useless and generally inadequate (just get over it; you’re overreacting; other people have it worse so you shouldn’t be feeling so bad because you have no real reason). no matter how unfounded... things still hurt. they can still pile up. stress and emotional pain and self-loathing and fear... it really does add up. it really does.

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eirosbraindump-blog · 6 years

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BRAIN DUMP ENTRY #1

November 8, 2018

Thursday: around 10:30 in the morning

Hello, Joe!

It has been a long time since I called you that. Usually I would just slam words and feelings at you and have forgotten the reason why I named you Joe. i wanted to have someone whom I can always rely my stories to, and that is my journal, it is you Joe.

I wanted to have a friend whom I can trust the secrets of my life with, because as of now I don’t think I have one.

Side comment: Fuck, this is very unusual of me to do journaling early in the morning because most of the times I do this at night pero kailangan ko na magreflect. I need to do something productive because I think I’ve been wasting a lot of time.

______________________________________

Around almost 7 in the pm. Lol haha. Whut???

OKAAAAAAY, so it’s basically NOV. 9, I got distracted by movie watching yesterday and left this one hanging. I’m such a fool. I haven’t done anything productive and I’m pissed off with myself because even journaling, di ko matapos tapos. Sooooo yesterday I just watched a couple of movies (not that important) and then drowned myself on the internet, AGAIN.

Thoughts raging, scribbled memories and fucked up mind. That is basically who I am right now. I don’t even know what to write. I got a lot of thoughts going on in here.

I made iced oreo coffee btw. I’m proud, though i still have to perfect it. but I’m proud. Hehe

So back to my magulong sarili, I watched a movie a while ago. Crazy Rich Asians. It’s a good movie though, while watching that I have a lot going on in my mind. First, I got jealous with the girl because how can she be that lucky! Like oh my gosh Rachel, u got a crazy rich man like that who really loves you and then you only gonna turn him down! She is really a strong woman btw. Nick’s family hates her and she just got along with it. SECOND, arrrgh that movie made me feel how single I am and it made me miss my fckin ex-boyfriend AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH. As much as I wanted to forget that asshole, I can’t. because you know what? He gave me two years of happiness that I can’t just forget, bet nobody can do that to me, even my family. Though I appreciate them, every moment of my life I’ve loved my family especially my parents. But there’s just something with Kiko that really made me who I am today. When I met him it was like I finally knew who I really am. I found myself you know? I learned so much for the past two years that I’ve known him. It taught me so much lesson. Life taught so much. I became to appreciate little things because of him. Although I know that we’re not that lowkey to everyone but our treatment, the way we treat each other is kami lang ang nakakaalam at kami lang ang nakakaramdam. Damn you, kiko. I loved you. I really did love you so much it came to the point that it broke my heart really bad. I still love you up until now though, but I don’t think I’m in the right position to love u like I loved you the way I did before.

Kani-kanina lang, I’ve watched a video about journaling, I forgot the name of the girl but there’s this one thing that she said that I can’t forget (though she just re-quoted it, she’s really not the one who said that, I think.) “Forgiveness is the way/road to Happiness.” I don’t think that I have completely moved on yet, I’d just lie to myself if I said that I already did, but I don’t know if I have completely forgave you, and I know that I have been a bitch at times to you (on social media) and to your girl. But that girl is really being a lowclass obsessive bitch she’s really like nagpaparinig sakin na parang mas affected pa siya kesa sating dalawa. Aarrrghh. I cant just be happy for you yet. You really broke my heart Ching. Anyways, as I was saying, that girl on the video also said to write a letter of forgiveness to someone because it will help yourself to freeload your bothering thoughts. So I decided to do that, not just now because I cant promise myself (yet) that I won’t get affected just by seeing your random jejemon-ish pic with the girl i-was-once-got-jealous-into-but-you-said-to-me-don’t-because-she’s-just-a-friend-who-turned-out-to-be-your-girlfriend-today together with you.

Aside from hating and loving my ex at the same time, I have more randomly important life-related thought still going into my head like: what am I going to be after graduation? because I never saw myself being an employee. I don’t know, whenever I think of what am I gonna be, I just see me walking with confidence together with high-fashioned business clothes with high heels and sunglasses inside a random office building. Maybe I’m gonna be a ceo or something. Haha. And then there’s this purpose chorvaness of me. like, what is really my purpose in life ba? What is my actual calling? Am I gonna be like this forever?

Eiro, you know yourself better than anyone else. I can see who am I on the inside, but theres this one thing that I can’t see that people can see: who am I on the outside. Let me give you an example kung gaano kagulo ang personality ko (idk if personality is the right term but. . .) 1. Before sembreak came, I was like ‘oh I should do something productive on sembreak, like I should re-learn photoshop, read books, learn something new and blablabla.’ Some of that happened syempre kasi I was in the urge of reconstructing and discovering me diba? I re-learned Photoshop but I stopped when I got proud of the first project that I made. I didn’t even bother continuing the second project. And then I read a book naman although–haha, I stopped, I don’t know why pero gabi ko kasi binasa yun tapos kinabukasan I didn’t bother to touch it. I cant say that it’s the same old eiro kasi di naman ako ganito dati. You know what? I’ll be harsh to myself, I became a fucking ningas cugon na!

(break muna nandito na parent ko hehe)

Bello. It’s NOV 13 na and I can’t even get this fucking done. It’s around almost 10:30PM so maybe I’ll be like medj sabaw na hahahaha. But I need to get this done you know?

So many things have had happened this past days. Im afraid that my parents are losing their sparks for each other, and I don’t want to let that just fade, so I always make a way to remind them the reason why they stayed at each other’s side. My mum can be stubborn sometimes and my dad is a big pain in the head. Theyre both a pain in the head.

My relationship with kiko is a big blessing in disguise. Yung mga lesson na natutunan ko is naapply ko sa mga magulang ko. And I’m proud of what I did to both of them. I have so many problems in life and I don’t want my family to be one of them. Aside from my friends, sila na lang ang pinagkukunan ko ng lakas at ayoko naman na pati sila ay maging dahilan ng pagsuko ko. Lord please give me strength.

My parents are okay now. I guess the advices that i gave to them works. I love them so much and it hurts me whenever I see them into cold war.

So yesterday, I have this kwento. I dreamt of kiko. I dont want to forget that dream kaya I immediately get my phone and wrote down what happened. Here’s what I wrote:

“11/12/18 4:47am grudgy and sleepy. but idon wanna forget this dream that i had. i meed to write this i had a dream i was with kiko we are on the fx daw and we were standing i know right haha basta fx yun you know dreams are weird sa pagkakaalam ko we were going to sm north edsa and i was hugging him while standing. and he keeps giving me forehead kisses. puta namiss ko yun. pero may isa akong nagawang mali, binitawan ko siya. kumalas ako sa pagkakayakap sa kanya sa kadahilanang majudge ng mundo. were fckin doing pda on that ride. i hate myself for that. binitawan ko siya pota (nakuha tuloy ng iba). then i woke up. Lord, please stop giving me dreams like that. iniisip ko tuloy na sign siya or something. lalo po akong umaasa. please sana yung nangyari po na yun panaginip na lang na habang tumatagal nakakalimutan. i am happy Lord kasi having a relationship with kiko taught me so many lessons that i can say i already applied to some. i see it as a blessing in disguise. pero, how long will i keep hurting Lord? -your broken daughter,Eiro.“

Yeah, I kinda forgot that ganyan pala yung mga sinulat ko.

Kiko having a girlfriend is a big slap on my face. I think I lowkey gonna accept pa if he broke up with me just to save the relationship, kaso hindi eh. Pinagpalit ako friend. Agad! Alam mo ba yung feeling na parang wala ka ng karapatan na mag selos at mangamusta man lang sa kanya kahit gusto mo kasi alam mong may nagmamayari na sa kanya? Yung parang ang only choice mo na lang is mag move on at parang wala ka na sa lugar masaktan? Though I’m really moving on, may mga times lang na pagdumadating yung mga dates na ay kinalaman sa kanya is biglang bumabalik lahat ng sakit. All I have to do is wait for that day to be over. And it is so dumb of me because I didn’t even noticed that 4 fucking months have passed and the pain that I am feeling is the same like it just happened yesterday.

Anyways, you know I really need to stop talking about them no? kasi it’s bad for a moving on Eiro.

So It’s almost 11pm and this time is way passed my sleeping time. I just got a lot of brain dump going on that I need to write or else I think I’ll get crazy.

Kinakamusta ko lang naman yung sarili ko and I just really wanted to finsh this entry. And also I am requiring myself to reflect weekly, if not, monthly. Just so I see my improvements and how far I’ve come.

Another side story or cause di ko lang maisingit sa iba hahahah. I am so much thankful for my friends. They really helped me cope up with my problems and helped me get up in my broken situations.

And oh my gosh, nakakainis pala kasi Kiko is using our slangs when we were still a couple sa new gf niya. Like omg ang lame lang at nakakainis kasi. Di ko maexpress through sulat yung nararamdamn ko pero its like a big “PUTANGINA BAKIT?” to my face.

I know bashing them and ranting here are useless, pero kasi it helps me cope up with my problem. Kailangan ko lang mailabas to and to let myself believe that I’m the better one. Friends also said to me that the best revenge is to show them that you are not affected kasi pag pinakita mong apektado ka, ikaw yung talo. And to show kiko that you improved and that youre even happy without him is the best that you can give to him and to yourself.

Girl, I. AM. SERVING!!!

You got served mf a-hole together with your bitch! Jk I still care for you, Ching.

Oh right, shit. With these raging thoughts and feelings, I really need to write a letter to Kiko. Di nga lang yung letter of forgiveness hehe.

So I think that’s it for today, I still have a lot going on though. Hehe

- Confused Rose

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theleftoverurl · 6 years

Text

Good morning, good morning!

Typing this up in class because why not? Yesterday was lots of fun but very unnecessarily expensive. I slept quite late the night before because I got hooked on Grey’s Anatomy lol and I still have residual tiredness from Canberra and cardiac auscultation night and Avenger’s Infinity War and lots and lots of class (which I struggled to concentrate in after coming back from Canberra because I felt like I was on holiday). I was going to watch a bit more in the morning before heading to Bondi Junction to do the almost monthly (embarrassingly) ritual of procuring a new phone, but I slept for 10 hours and woke up at 9:45. I panicked, because I didn’t think I’d have enough time to fix it before class, so I hopped into the shower, grabbed my stuff and left.

Finding Fone King wasn’t an issue, even though I’ve yet to come this year, I went a heck of a lot last year. The “specialist” informed me that it would take half an hour and cost $300, a ridiculous price, considering that I bought the phone for $350, but I couldn’t complain because they said no info would be lost so I wouldn’t have my phone wiped. Unfortunately, however, because J7 Pros seem to be so rare, they only had black, white and blue parts. I wasn’t fussed aesthetically, but then I was told it would take 2 weeks for parts to come in. $300 for a phone screen that doesn’t match and a wait time of 2 weeks? Get absolutely fucked. I went up to Harvey Norman because I was lowkey embarrassed of how many phones I have bought from JB Hi Fi, last time they had less variety, and I had a good experience buying my laptop at Harvey Norman, so I wanted a geez.

The Harvey Norman phone section was manned by a rather unlikable man who kept trying to sell me the Galaxy 8 on a plan, despite me repeatedly telling him I didn’t want a plan. He kept saying “it’s up to you” but then pushing the plan and I just feel as a salesperson you really require more strategies than that. Then he forced me into buying a product care plan by telling me he was giving a discount, but it really wasn’t discounted at all. So, when I got to the counter, I tried to remove the product care package only to be told by the lady at the counter I’d have to go back to him to remove the package and then the phone would be sold at $350 (despite the Harvey Norman yellow sale tag telling me it was $337). I was so over it by that point and had been so pressured that I just went forget it and bought a new phone for $360. I don’t mind paying $360, it was just the notion that they wanted me to believe I was getting a good deal out of that which pissed me off. Ugh.

Anyway, I made it back home by 11:40, record time. I spent the rest of the morning setting up my new J5 Pro, and Kate came out of her room and we had lunch together which was nice. I finally finished eating the tomato mince pasta that I made ages ago and froze, so it was kind of good to clean that out. Veronica came out and started talking about getting a dog. I am really excited about getting a dog, I think it would be fantastic, but I am unsure about the idea because I feel like I will end up doing a lot of toileting and not get to stroke the dog a lot because I’m out most of the day, and when I come back the pup will probably get secreted away into Vron’s room. So yes, I’m unsure, but would rather take the leap and get one and didn’t feel comfortable voicing this problem. I hate that I can’t express these things to her. She also was in such a hurry as usual to see the pups that she organised to see them today with Kate, I think. I don’t know, I have no information about if the woman responded about the pups and the fact I wasn’t free wasn’t taken into consideration because she’s in such a hurry, so whatever. I don’t really know why I’m so annoyed by this, maybe it’s a forewarning, but who knows?

Anyway, at 1, I headed to hospital for my radiology clinic. I was a little bit late, but nobody seemed to mind. I was with Dr Chin, and he was a very nice, very personable man which I was surprised at. He was very good at getting what he wants without seeming bossy or pushy and was good at not judging patients (until after they left the room, at least). He was nice to me and let me perform breast exams on most of his patient (which is an experience I have not previously gotten to do). I left 10 minutes early at 4:20 because I was aiming to get to the MSAP GHSC that I’d signed up to.

To get back to Uni on time, I had to take 2 buses instead of the usual train then bus. I got on the first bus alright, but then I missed the stop which was unfortunately just before a highway, so the bus roared far away in the wrong direction over a bridge in Rocky Point for ages and I ended up further away from Uni than when I first got on the bus. I couldn’t think of another way of getting back on-time, and I really wanted to make the night, so I caught an Uber to Uni. 10km, and it cost $52. Absolutely ridiculous. My Uber driver was nice, he was from Pakistan and had been driving for 2.5 years over here, 6 days a week, 12-hour days. He had completed over 8000 trips and was starting to get tired of it but was unable to quit. Anyway, he dropped me off at Barker St and I made my way to Ainsworth (after a quick toilet break).

Yuri was running the MSAP rego and she was nice and friendly. I was the first to register and then I had a bit of a nap on the Globe Lawn while waiting for people to arrive, and then Ashwini came and sat with me and we had a nice chat and then went in together. I am surprised by how lovely Kuheli’s friends are and how friendly they are, given I have only met them once at her brief party. It feels good to make new med-friends though. We sat with Yuri’s Med Sci friend who was coming to the talk anyway, and a girl called Dharani who I found out I’d met accidentally in Nicole’s house the other day before our escape room, because she lives with Nicole. The talk was by Mark Isaacs, who was a whistle-blower for the humanitarian crisis on Nauru and Manus Island. It wasn’t very medicinal, more about his perspective on how punitive Australian policies are on refugee health, and I was very, very touched. It was very sad to listen to all the personal stories of the refugees, and I had tears in my eyes. I think I have been inspired, just by the whole MSAP thing, because in the mid-year holidays I want to look up end of year opportunities overseas to like volunteer as a medical student and help-out.

After the talk there were cookies and sushi and crisps, but I lost all my friends in the crush of people desperate for food. I ran into Dharani after I had procured my plate of sushi, and she was chatting with some first year meddies, including Nicole’s sister! To be honest, Nicole’s sister is so much taller than Nicole, and less nice – a little bit less personable. None of the medkids seemed to want to chat to me, but Dharani and I had a nice chat and we stole a bag of salt and vinegar crisps. We walked up to Village together, and then I caught the bus back home.

The house was silent because Kate had gone out, Josh was still out, and Veronica was shut up in her room. I didn’t mind, I chilled out and read some Deadpool, because I’m starting to read comic books online to familiarize myself with the Marvel universe, because why not? Josh came home, and we had a nice chat, and I sent him to buy Kate and I yoghurt (which turned out to be a mistake because Kate had also bought yoghurt). Then Kate came home around an hour later and she was upset because Linley had been righteous about her not-so-great night with her Tinder date, Nikolas. I did a very awkward (but semi-effective) job of comforting her and then we had a bedtime chat, I ate the leftover pizza she had brought home, and then we watched the newest episode of Ex on the Beach before bedtime.

Raj was messaging me and really triggering me because he’s showing off about all the people he wants to sleep with in Malaysia and like almost slept with in Australia but also a. I don’t care b. why are you still messaging me? And c. people from Tinder in Australia are fucking loose, so the fact you haven’t fucked anyone in Australia is a huge sign you should NOT be showing off. But I feel like when I get sick of romantic/sexual encounters I always get annoyed at everything they do and it’s just a sign that I need to fuck off and leave them alone. Won’t be hard because I’m pretty sure he’s out of Australia this morning. Nice.

Wow, I didn’t think typing all of this out would take up so much of my concentration, but it really has. I haven’t concentrated at ALL this entire class. Oops. I’m also going to post some poetic writing I wrote one day before Canberra, but I want some photos from St George to go with it and I just haven’t had the time yet. Anyway, till next time 😊.

#personal

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