#nobody hurt him or ill start breaking shit

[strawberry-selfships]

ok ok wait 1 more second before i go eepy + before i forget . i got my puter again so heres my fluffy boy :) <3 i adore him i adore him his smile is everything in the world its so cute hes so cute hes so great hes so nice and sweet and nice aaaaaaaaaaaaa

places a lil soft kiss on his jaw before falling asleep on his chest

[angelstate]

(Don't) Say You're Sorry, Please.

Pairing: Peter Parker x fem! reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Happy Ending!

Warnings: harsh argument, cursing, mention of alcohol and reader getting drunk, explicit emotions, symptoms of mental illness.

Summary: you and peter were no longer happy, it took a big fight, harsh words and some time apart to realize how much love you felt for one another.

Words: 3k!

you didn't know how it got to this point, when the calmness of a silly discussion turned into a heated argument and a silent competition of who could scream harder horrible things to the other.

It got to the point where you had been crying for so long it was hard to breath and your eyes sting every time you blinked, it felt as if your stuck in the middle of a panic attack and couldn't get out of it no matter what you tried to do.

You didn't even remember when everything went wrong and you ended up here, it was like all your memories had been swept away and now there was a recognizable emptiness that the both of you shared.

you knew everything but could remember nothing.

you didn't had what it took to fight like this with Peter. You didn't have the voice, the feelings or the calculated thoughts to defend yourself.

You threw weak attempts of calming the situation but nothing worked so you let the venom that was boiling in your chest spill over and make you say things you would regret.

The love was long forgotten.

"just shut the fuck up, peter! for once in your fucking life shut the fuck up. You aren't the voice of truth all the fucking time, sometimes you are in the wrong, get over it for fucks sake!" You screamed at him and pulled your hair in an attempt to let out some of the anger you felt.

"i should shut up?! You're the one who acts like a fucking bitch all the goddamn time. You are fucking insufferable, i swear to god sometimes i can't fucking understand why i even put up with your shit!" peter screamed back at you, he was pointing at you the entire time. blaming you for this.

"you put up with my shit?! I'm the one who has a fucking super hero for a boyfriend. If anyone is putting up with shit is fucking me!! You always get hurt and put yourself in danger. you run to saves stranger from small fucking crimes, but who takes care of me?! You love playing hero but always end up getting hurt, What is going to take for you to realize that you are not prepared to save anyone!!" You screamed as loud as you could everything that came to your mind.

You were so done with this shit, with the argument, with the super hero bullshit. It was draining, being there to help peter get healthy every time he got hurt stopped being out of love but obligation.

While he took care of the city you were left to take care of him, but who was making the time to take care of you? Nobody. Nobody was taking care of you.

"i'm not prepared?! I have saved the world more than once! I've gone through hell trying to keep everyone save!! Im more than capable of saving people from small shitty crimes!" peter said trough gritted teeth.

"then why, tell why the fuck you can never help me?! Why you can never save me?! Am i not worth your stupid help!!?" you felt tears starting to leave your eyes harder than ever.

You knew that there was no way you could ever recover from this fight and be like you were before; this was a breaking point that was long time coming in the relationship.

"i don't help you?! every second that I'm not being spiderman im by your side fucking teaching you to not fuck up like you always do!" Peter screamed and raised his hand, closed his fist before letting his arm fall back down.

"you are so full of shit" this time you didn't shouted, your voice was trembling and soft, your throat wasn't prepared for any more screaming.

"you are so full of shit, Parker. we are never together, if you're not being spiderman you're busy doing shit to get better at being a super hero. You are never here for me. Im sorry that when i see you after a long time i want to tell you how my life has been. Im so fucking sorry i want you to be here for me." Your eyes filled with tears again your vision was blurry because of it but you didn't let any more tears fall. This wasn't worth the pain.

"im full of shit for being a super hero? Im so sorry if I'm not here because im saving people's life. I have so much shit going on that the last thing i wanna hear is more problems you want me to fix. I am so fucking sorry i can't fix your fucking life, you won't believe how much bigger problems i have to deal with outside of this fucking room" peter spoke his voice was stern.

In that moment, you realized something. You weren't his first priority. You weren't even on the list of things he worried about.

Why were you still here with him? Why haven't you walked away from a place you clearly weren't wanted in?

You loved peter so much to the point you forgot that he should love you too to be together.

"i think we need a break from each other" you whispered and rubbed your eyes to get rid of the tears.

Silence.

Peter didn't said nothing, just stood in the middle of your room looking completely lost. his eyes for the first time tonight filled with tears and his lower lip quivered in what you could only describe as pure sorrow.

"you don't mean that" peter said and tried to get close to you but you took a step back and embraced yourself.

"it's for the best, peter." you reassured him. it was really for the best. This time it had gotten too far to not notice the two of you needed space.

"no no no, I'm sorry, ok? Im really sorry. Please don't break up with me" peter pleaded.

"don't say you're sorry, please. we just need some time alone." you hugged peter one last time.

"we'll fix this, right?" Peter whispered in your ear and tighten his hold on you. It was so hard to let go.

you couldn't respond, no didn't knew if this could be fixed.

peter just took in your silence and kissed you for the last time, just way to promise to not let the relationship die tonight.

___________

Three weeks had passed since the fight.

thinking back to that night felt like a dream, you could feel the guilt of everything you said weight heavier and heavier every day.

You regretted everything you said, every word you let out that night. you may have ruined one of the only good things in your life out of pure selfishness.

peter and you rarely talked, there was nothing to say, no. There was too much to say and that scared the both of you. what if one you had realized the relationship was going to be fixable?

The fear was ingrained in the both of your minds, both of you suffering because of the same fear.

"how is she?" Peter asked mj, who was concentrated eating her lunch.

"your ex girlfriend?" Mj said sarcastically and looked at peter with boredom.

"we didn't broke up" peter said quickly, the title of ex girlfriend made his heart clench in pain.

"she's sad and doesn't look good at all, Parker" she said honestly and looked at her food before continuing.

"if your dumbass checked on her you would know that" she said and took a bite of a mini carrot.

"we are taking some time apart" peter defend himself, it was true but that wasn't the reason he checked up on you. He was scared of seeing what the decision made to you.

He had shattered since that night, crying anytime he was left alone with his thoughts. He feared to see you in a worst condition than he was. Scared to see how his words bruised you.

"yeah? maybe try spend a life time apart because you don't want to see how you left her, Parker." Mj said in bitterness, you were her best friend and seeing you in pain because of him didn't sat right with her. She understood the situation but would always make the people that hurt you hurt too.

Peter just sat there, looking worried and sad.

You were feeling like shit, every inch of your mind was filled with sadness and your body reflected your state of mind so clearly it was embarrassing to go out looking like the human version of sadness.

right now, you were in one of the stalls of the girls bathroom, trying to eat your lunch but you had no appetite, you stopped feeling hungry two weeks ago.

You couldn't eat, so you took supplements like candy, trying to keep your body healthy but it didn't worked. You lost weight and looked pale.

But it didn't really mattered, nothing felt like it mattered. In your mind, you had no reason whatsoever to care about yourself or anything at all.

_____________

It was Friday night and you were drunk as fuck. not in a party, just in the solitude of your living room, lit cigarette in hand and a tall glass filled all the way with pure vodka.

the tv was on, the movie 'The perks of being a Wallflower' playing but the sound acting as a background noise because all your attention was on your phone, waiting for a message from him to pop up.

How much you wished you had the courage to message him first.

You took a big sip from the glass and felt the familiar warm spread in your chest, your empty stomach had been suffering all day and now was experiment the harshest treatment you had ever put it through.

Not even in your high school years you were careless enough to not eat anything before drinking strong alcohol.

"say you're sorry, please?" you whispered to yourself, trying to force yourself to call him, to admit your mistakes and beg for forgiveness.

You spend two hours staring at your phone, all the vodka in you glass had already disappeared and the entire bottle followed soon after; before you even realize it

"I'll say I'm sorry, please forgive me..." you whispered and pressed to call peter. you put the call on speaker and held your phone close to your mouth.

You had your knees to your chest and had wrapped a blanket around yourself, trying to stay calm and collected.

"hello?" Peter answered the call.

"hi...pete" you said, voice dripping evidence of your drunken state.

"how are you, y/n?" he asked and you heard how he sat on his bed from the way the springs made a uncomfortable sound.

"i'm.. I'm drunk" you admitted and laughed a little.

"I, I really wanted to talk to you, pete." you're voice broke, and your eyes glossed over with tears.

"I wanted to talk to you too, flower" the pet name made your heart clench.

"really?" you asked, your tone filled with the warm that the pet name created in your soul.

"yeah, i was thinking about you, i used my telepathic powers and you called" he joked and you giggled.

"thanks for using your powers, pete" you took a deep breath.

"i called because i want to tell you something" you said and heard how peter took a deep breath.

"tell me, flower. Im all ears" he spoke sweetly, so sweetly you felt your heart clench again.

"i just, i wanted to tell you that i'm sorry, i'm really sorry about everything i said when we were fighting." you took a pause and to stop the tears from falling.

"i don't 'up with you', i honestly don't even know why i said that. you are amazing to be around and i was wrong for saying differently. you're a great super hero and the fact that you put yourself in danger and get hurt just to save other people is admirable. You're more than prepared to be the biggest super hero the world has known" you let out a shaky breath, your eyes betrayed you and multiple tears fell from your eyes.

"and you're right, you do help me to not do stupid things. I just...i just feel like i'm not worth it enough of more attention than the one you give me to save me from my stupidity."

"and lastly, you're not full of shit. That's me, not you. I know you have bigger problems than giving me attention just because i feel like im entitled to your time. I feel really guilty for everything i said. Forgive me, please?" You finished speaking.

Peter was speechless, and his heart already broken heart, ended breaking completely when you bed for his forgiveness.

You beg him for forgiveness? how could you feel sorry for saying the things he needed to hear to wake up and realize he wasn't a good boyfriend? You opened his eyes when you spoke up about how abandoned you felt because of him never being there for you.

If anyone should apologize was him.

"flower..." Peter sighed.

"yes?" You responded, voice shaky and anxious.

"I'm sorry for everything i said too. I shouldn't have called you a bitch. You're not insufferable, your the sweetest and loveliest person i have ever met. i'm grateful that i have you in my life."

"and you're right about me never being there to give you anything other than help, i love you and i thought that just because you knew that i didn't have to remind you every day. you have all the right to tell me how you feel or what you're going through and i should always be there to hear you. I know that you don't want me to fix your life or your problems. You only wanted to be heard but i didn't care to listen at the time."

"thanks for believing I'm a great super hero and I'm sorry that I've been saving people without thinking about how me getting hurt so much and running to you to heal me affected you. I've been selfish in our relationship just because i wanted to be selfless and save people. Forgive me, please"

Peter asked and you took a deep breath.

"if i forgive you will you forgive me too?" you asked back, you also wanted to be forgiven.

"of course, flower" peter answered and your heart skipped a beat.

"then, i forgive you, pete." you said and felt a smile forming on your face.

"i forgive you too, flower." Peter smiled too.

All the weight you have been carrying on your shoulders was lifted just like the light on your soul, you could finally live again. No more sorrow and pain.

"I'll see you tomorrow, right?" You asked with hope.

"yeah, we'll see each other tomorrow" peter made the plan of showing up at your apartment tomorrow, make everything right and give you all the affection and time you deserved.

______________

(a few months later)

you were sleeping peacefully in your bed, wrapped up in blankets and softly breathing. It was spring break and you have spent all day cleaning so you were having your well deserved rest.

that was until you starting hearing something hitting your window, being a light sleeper you woke up almost immediately, you checked the time on you phone '01:23am'

Still being half asleep you didn't even thought about what who hitting against your window because it was obvious, you stood up, walked over to the window, opened it and turned around to lie down again in your bed.

"hi baby" you said when you were back in your bed, this time your back against the wall to give peter space to lay down with you.

"hi flower" peter pressed the spider in the middle of his suit making loose and fall of his body.

He picked up the hoodie that was on your desk and put it on before laying down beside you, almost instantly he hugged you and you wrapped one of your legs around his waist to bring him closer to you while one of your arms wrapped around his next. Your free hand started caressing his hair sofly.

"how was night patrol?" you asked, your eyelids already closing in tiredness.

"it was calm, i just helped a few drunk guys get home" peter said and rubbing your back, drawing random shapes with his fingers.

"that's good" you whispered.

"go to sleep, flower." peter whispered against your ear and tighten his hold on your waist making you be totally pressed against him, your face in the crook of his neck.

"goodnight spidey" was the last thing you said before falling asleep.

"goodnight flower, i love you" peter kissed the top of your head before falling asleep too.

The both of you finally being the happy couple you deserved to be. The love you felt for each other was no longer forgotten in the pain of misunderstood emotions, now it was more alive than ever, burning and keeping you warm and safe from all the sorrow you had to go through to be happy with peter again.

Everything was fixed and was better than the first time you started to love each other.

There was no longer pain, just peace and the comfortable bed of love the both of you slept in for the rest of your life.

How beautiful it was to love Peter, forever save in his arms.

[run-me-through-but-not-like-that]

Nursed

Summary: When Izzy gets sick, Stede insists he takes some time off. He also insists that you are put in charge of the first mate's care.

Word Count: 3477

Izzy knew that the best thing to do when a member of the crew got sick was to quarantine them, at least to some extent. Ships were prime spaces for viruses to spread and if the whole crew got sick that would be good for nobody. 

That rule hasn’t applied much to Izzy since he became First Mate, though. He was always needed for one thing or another, he couldn’t just take time off because he had the sniffles or a sore throat. He had to just work through it unless it got bad enough to have him unable to move from his cot, that wasn’t very common though.

Why Bonnet had insisted on following this one rule of ship and crew maintenance was beyond him, probably just to irritate Izzy even more than he already does. Izzy had let a few coughs and sneezes slip while he was up on deck, no big deal, but Bonnet had taken notice. Roach had agreed that Izzy was coming down with something, and Bonnet had insisted that Izzy retire to his cabin to sleep it off, to take as much time as he needed until he was feeling better. Of course, Izzy had thought it, but Edward had only backed up his co-captain on the matter.

So, Izzy had stomped down to his cabin while hurling verbal abuse at anyone who he passed just to make himself feel a little bit better. He supposed that if he was going to be trapped in his cabin until he could pass as being perfectly well, he might as well actually try to sleep some of this sickness off.

His short nap was cut even shorter by the sound of somebody knocking at his door. Surely Bonnet had told the whole crew that Izzy was in bed with some terrible illness by now, so maybe if he just stayed quiet the person outside would just go away.

Instead, the door opened. Izzy groaned as he sat up, finding that his head was actually aching a little more now rather than feeling any better. He glared at you, only snarling a little, as you entered his cabin.

“I guess I woke you…” you observed, at least looking a little guilty about it. “Didn’t think you’d actually go to sleep. Thought you’d just pace around until you passed out or something,” you didn’t look at him as you moved further into the room, placing a tray down on his desk.

“Anyway, got some…bad news,” you turned to him, a not so sorry smile on your face.

“If I’m dying, that would actually be a relief,” Izzy huffed. Even when he was sent to his cabin to wallow in his sickness, he couldn’t get a break from this damned crew.

“Ah, nobody’s that lucky, I’m afraid,” you joked, but it actually came out more light than malicious. “Stede has assigned me to nurse you back to health,” you finally informed him.

Izzy blinked at you like you had just spoken some other language he wasn’t familiar with. “What?”

“Best to only have one person coming to see you, reduce the risk of contamination and all that. Since I help Roach with the medical stuff around here, Stede thought it would be for the best,” you explained.

“Fucking hell,” Izzy sighed, massaging the bridge of his nose. His head was aching more now.

“Took the words right out of my mouth,” you laughed to yourself before stepping to the side, gesturing to the tray on his desk. “Got you a pitcher of water, you really need to keep hydrated, and some broth. Won’t be too heavy on your stomach.”

At least you didn’t bring up the whole ‘Izzy the Spewer’ thing, even if Izzy could tell what you were getting at with the stomach comment. To his surprise, you actually sounded sincere and concerned rather than mocking.

“When did you start feeling sick?” you asked, almost clinically. A little like Roach would ask ‘does that hurt’ when he was poking at a bleeding wound.

“I can take care of myself. Done it plenty of times before.” Izzy wasn’t even sure why he was fighting it, stupid shit seemed to be inevitable on this ship.

“Oh, I’m sure. I bet you worked through it all like the stubborn little creature you are, right?” you rolled your eyes, your tone flat.

“Didn’t have much of a choice,” Izzy muttered.

“Well, you still don’t, now you have to let yourself accept help and be taken care of,” you tutted before repeating your question. “So, when did you start feeling sick?”

“...felt it coming on yesterday.”

“You’re at the beginning of it then. It’s going to get worse before it gets better. Probably just the common cold, nothing to worry about, sure you’ve dealt with worse,” you shrugged slightly. “Drink. Eat. Drink some more. Then get some sleep. Let your body rest and heal,” you advised, “I’ll be back later to check on you, get you some more food and water.”

“Don’t feel obligated,” Izzy grumbled as you headed to the door, unsure if he even wanted you to hear him.

“I’ll see you later. Or not…if you’re asleep, I won’t wake you,” you told him, leaving no room for debate.

And just like that, you were gone.

Despite being frustrated with Bonnet's stupid orders and even more frustrated that you would be popping in and out, Izzy dropped down in the seat at his desk. He ate the broth and drank some water before dragging himself back into bed, suddenly feeling incredibly tired.

Just as you said you would, you dropped by his cabin later on to check on him. To your surprise, he was actually sleeping. Even more surprisingly, he actually looked somewhat peaceful, not as grumpy as he usually is. 

Maybe it was silly, but you couldn’t help but smile a little at the sight.

You placed the fresh pitcher of water and some leftover biscuits, in case he got hungry, down on his desk.

Silently, you stepped over to Izzy’s cot and carefully fixed the blanket over his frame. He must have kicked it off of himself a little in his sleep. Izzy hummed and nuzzled into his pillow, you bit back a small laugh. Wasn’t that just adorable? You dug a cloth out of your pocket and wiped away the slight sheen of sweat over his brow before returning to his desk.

With your job done, you gathered up the dirty dishes and left the cabin. You walked into the galley, dropping the dishes down by the sink.

“How’s the patient?” Roach asked. He had been very vocal about how pleased he was that Stede had assigned you to watch over Izzy and not him.

“Sleeping,” you told him, “think he’s getting a fever.” 

“Better you than me, I’d probably just tie him down to the bed and force feed him until he’s better,” Roach mused. He was a surprisingly talented medic but not always the most patient one. If his patient didn’t want help, they wouldn’t be getting it.

“Kinky,” you wiggled your brows at him before turning back to the dishes. “Let’s just hope the fever makes him easier to handle.”

You checked in on Izzy again before you headed to bed. He was sleeping again but there was less water and fewer biscuits than what you had left earlier, so you took that as a win. You would stop by before breakfast, make sure he wasn’t going without anything.

-

The next morning you checked in on Izzy, expecting to find him still in bed, but instead he was sitting on the edge of his cot. His clothes sat beside him, pants in hand. It looked like he had started to get dressed but had to sit down before really even starting.

He looked frustrated with himself but he clearly wasn’t well, his face pale and his shoulders slumped.

“Are you seriously trying to get up?” you asked with a huff, like you just couldn’t believe what you were seeing. You absolutely could believe that Izzy Hands was trying to get back to work when he was hitting the worst of his illness. 

“I’m fine,” Izzy insisted, cringing at how rough his own voice sounded.

“That’s a blatant fucking lie,” you rolled your eyes. “C’mon, back in bed,” you were in front of him in an instant, pulling the leather pants out of his hands. You folded his clothes neatly and placed them on top of the chest at the bottom of his bed.

Izzy just watched as you moved around his cabin, vaguely pleased that you had neatly handled his clothes, as ridiculous as that may be. Then you were returning to him, a hand on his shoulder as you got him to lay down and pulled his blanket over him. He protested and weakly thought but before he knew it, he was back in his bed.

“Too warm,” Izzy complained, trying to push the blanket off of him again.

“It’s your fever. Don’t kick it off, okay?” your voice was surprisingly soothing as you spoke, like you really wanted him to understand and not just do as you said because you said it. “I’ll get some stuff for you in a minute,” you assured, tucking the blanket back into place.

“Are you up for eating?” you asked, stepping back. Izzy just shrugged, feeling completely out of his element. “I’ll get you something small,” you decided with a small nod. “Want some medication?”

“No,” Izzy answered. You just nodded, not pushing him on the matter.

“I’ll be back in a minute,” you promised before gathering up the dirty dishes and dipping out of the cabin.

When you returned again a few minutes later, it was with another tray of items.

Izzy grumpily sat up and let you give him what you brought for him. You got him to drink a full cup of water and then helped him eat a few spoonfuls of soup. He blushed the whole time at the fussing and protesting that he could manage himself, but you just shushed him and did your job.

Izzy drank some more and lay down properly again. You placed a cool damp cloth over his forehead, making him comfortable before telling him to get some sleep. He surprised himself by actually falling asleep, unable to fight his heavy eyelids.

This time, as he slept, you stayed. Sitting by his bedside so you could keep replacing the cloth and keep his temperature down.

You had to pop out of the cabin every now and again throughout the day to tend to other things but you would always return to care for Izzy, even if he fought you every step of the way.

-

On the third day, Izzy’s fever seemed to reach its peak. Which you hoped meant it would start getting better soon.

He ate very little that day but you managed to force him to drink whenever he woke up. When you had been asked to nurse Izzy a little, you had completely planned on giving him plenty of space and time alone since he seemed to enjoy it so much, but that day you barely left his side.

While he slept, you were sitting beside him, rinsing and replacing the cloth on his forehead to help keep him cool.

Your silent routine was interrupted by a quiet whine. You paused, frowning down at the sleeping first mate. He whined again, his brow pinching slightly.

“Shush, just gotta get through the worst of it,” you attempted to soothe him, even if he couldn’t hear you.

Izzy’s face scrunched up as he began to writhe on his cot, like he was having a nightmare of some sort. It was probably a symptom of his fever, or at least worsened by it.

“You’re alright, Iz. Just a bad dream, I’ve got you,” you continued to talk sweet nonsense until he calmed. He hummed slightly when you ran your fingers through his dirty hair, so you continued, happy that it was soothing him.

You smiled as he settled. “There we go, just sleep it off,” you whispered. Izzy let out a small sigh, slipping back into a dreamless sleep.

With a sigh, you stood and began tidying up again. You couldn’t sit around watching Izzy sleep all day, especially when he would most likely be perfectly fine, but you found yourself not really wanting to leave him.

-

The fourth day came around after you managed to pull yourself away from his side to get some sleep. Of course, the first thing you did was grab some food from the galley and went to see Izzy. He was laying on his cot, awake but not looking happy in the slightest. At least he wasn’t trying to get back to work this time.

“Still feeling shitty, huh?” you asked.

“You tell me,” Izzy muttered.

For some reason you felt fond about his grouchiness. “Alright, I brought some brekkie. Hungry?”

Izzy eyed the bowl in your hands. “...could eat…”

You insisted on spoon feeding him even when he fought it. He eventually allowed it, grumbling with each bite he took. The broth was good though, soothing his throat, clearing his sinuses, and warming his belly.

“Ate more than yesterday, that’s good,” you acknowledged.

As you placed the bowl down, Izzy actually asked for something. “Water?”

“Look at that, asking for things, accepting help. You’re growing, doing so well.” You were teasing, of course you were teasing, just joking around. Still, he couldn’t help the way he flushed at the praise. What the fuck? He only asked for some water.

You poured him a cup of water and handed it over without another comment. “If you finish the full cup and I’ll leave you alone until lunch,” you promised.

“If that’s all it takes,” Izzy huffed, bringing the cup up to his mouth.

“Ah, you like me. You haven’t even threatened to stab me once,” you teased.

Izzy distracted himself by finishing the drink, letting you take the cup back once it was empty. He really didn’t need all this doting, and surely he could fight it a little more…

“And we say…” you prompted.

“Fuck off.”

“Come on, Izzy. Say it and I’ll bring an extra treat with lunch.”

“Fucking-” Izzy sighed, knowing you wouldn’t drop this. You had probably earnt it at this point anyway. “Thank you.”

“See, not so difficult,” you smiled, seemingly pleased with him, before pressing a kiss to his temple.

Izzy froze but you didn’t pay it any mind, you just went about tidying up like you always do and headed for the door. “Get some rest. Feel better soon, Iz,” you left him with another sincere smile.

-

You returned to Izzy’s cabin later on that day. “How are you feeling?”

“Better. Can I fucking move now?” Izzy glared at you. He was probably going a little crazy locked up in his cabin for the last few days, and you couldn’t really blame him.

“Nope, not until you’re back in perfect health. Captain’s rules,” you at least looked a little apologetic, “maybe tomorrow, though.”

“Got you some broth,” of course, you had your tray with you, “Roach is making stew for dinner today, think you’re up for that?” 

Izzy huffed and rolled his eyes. “Just some fucking stew.” 

“Izzy, work with me here. Don’t want to give you anything that upsets your stomach,” you sighed, something about it a little pleading.

You were right, he supposed. You only wanted to help, even if Bonnet had fucking ordered you to. “...yeah…stew will be fine,” he gave in.

“Good,” you smiled, bright and genuine again.

You let him feed himself this time, since this time you sat and ate with him. Letting him have half of your orange.

“Since you’re feeling better and not sleeping through the whole day, do you want me to bring you anything for entertainment?” you asked but Izzy just raised an eyebrow at you. “I dunno, like a book or something?” you weren’t even sure if he could read, you had seen him working on the logs but that was a little different.

“I could get Frenchie to sit outside your door and play some songs,” you suggested.

“A book is fine,” Izzy answered quickly before begrudgingly adding, “nothing boring.”

“It will be the most exhilarating book you’ve ever read,” you winked playfully.

-

Since lunch had gone so well, at least in your opinion, you had decided to eat your dinner with Izzy as well. Plus, he was more cognizant than he was yesterday and you thought the company would be good for him even if he didn’t much care for it.

“Aren’t you worried about getting sick? I mean, you don’t have to eat with me,” Izzy eventually questioned after eating in silence.

“Don’t want you to be all isolated and lonely in here. I’ll take the risk,” you shrugged, sounding honest enough. “You’ll just have to nurse me back to health like I have so kindly done for you,” you teased.

“In your fucking dreams,” Izzy scoffed. He was a first mate, not a nurse.

“I bet you’d be the most effective nurse ever, very practical. Terrible bedside manner, though,” you thought out loud, hearing Izzy’s quiet snort of amusement. “Bet you’d just tell the illness to fuck off and it would.”

“Huh, haven’t tried that yet,” he muttered.

“Wouldn’t work on yourself. Bet your illnesses are just stubborn as you are,” you hummed thoughtfully.

At that, Izzy smiled a little to himself. He had to admit that this is kinda…nice.

“Think you’ll be back up on deck soon?” you asked.

“Could have been up there today but you’d snitch to Bonnet,” Izzy shot a halfhearted glare your way. 

“Damn right I would. You need to get fully better or you’re just going to make it worse again,” you chastised. “But maybe the next couple of days, maybe even tomorrow.”

“Thank fuck,” Izzy seemed genuinely relieved. You’ve never met somebody so reluctant to take a break, especially when they obviously needed one.

“That means you need to be caught up on what’s going on up there,” your eyes brightened at the realisation.

“Bet it’s not piracy,” Izzy scoffed.

“I’d say you won that bet, but I have no coin to give you,” you rolled your eyes fondly. “Anyway, here’s everything that has happened since you got sentenced to your cabin…”

You went on to tell him about all of the inane things the crew had gotten up too over the last few days, even going into depth about the most mundane things.

Izzy truly didn’t care about the stupid conversations the crew was having over dinner in the galley, but he found himself listening anyway. Admittedly, he lost the actual words every now and again when he really lost interest in the story, but he still found your voice soothing. Even if he couldn’t recall everything you said, a part of him didn’t want you to stop. He could just finish his stew to the soothing sound of your company.

-

On the fifth day, you might have even said that Izzy seemed excited to see you. As soon as you stepped into the cabin, Izzy perked up. “Thank fuck you’re here.”

“Wow, you’re happy to see me…did you fall out of bed and hit your head?” you squinted in suspicion. 

“No,” Izzy huffed. “No, I’m feeling better. I can be…discharged or whatever the fuck,” he insisted.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” you tutted.

“Which is why I’m glad you’ve shown up already,” he rolled his eyes.

“I’m right on time!” 

“Just get on with it!”

“Careful or I’m going to tell Stede you need a few more days bedrest,” you warned sternly, earning a small grumble from Izzy.

You gave him a quick check over, making sure his temperature was back to normal, that the colour had returned to his face. Asked how his throat felt, how tired he was, even though you knew he would most likely lie about anything he could. You had to admit, he did seem a lot better.

“Alright, first mate Hands, I think you’re good to get back to work,” you announced/ “But take it easy. First sniffle or clearing of your throat, as I’m dragging you back down here,” you warned.

“Fine. Now fuck off,” Izzy huffed, waving his hand to dismiss you.

“...I still brought breakfast…might as well eat before heading up,” you reasoned, gesturing towards the tray on his desk. Two servings of porridge that Roach had prepared for the crew this morning. 

“Yeah. Fine, alright,” Izzy accepted the breakfast, not complaining when you sat with him to eat together. “...thanks,” he whispered, his gratitude unprompted and sincere this time, making you smile as you ate another spoonful.

[squadxx4392]

"Hold Me." Huskerdust fic - 1218 Words

Honestly, when Charlie announced a guest-wide karaoke night, Husk should've known at least part of what was going to happen.

The two had been dating for over a month, now, talking a long time before then.

But when Husk realized Angel was up and getting ready for a song, he couldn't help but be enthralled.

Sure, he'd heard Angel sing, but it was never really a romantic song.

The intro was a few seconds long, but Angel eventually started singing quietly.

"Finally, a new side of me.." Angel started, eyes closed, concentrating on the song he was singing.

If Husk wasn't already drawn in by Angel getting up in front of a few of the guests sitting around in support, he was most certainly enthralled now.

"Turned a new leaf underneath my tree."

Oh.

Angel's voice sounded like honey.

It was breathtaking.

"I now see life's a beautiful dream. Gives me strength, gives me all in a year. Of disease. I have thrived," he continued. "Lucky me."

A realization hit Husk. He'd known Angel was working on something, scribbling mindlessly on papers while they were lounging around in Angel's room after closing.

He remembered catching glimpses of words closer to the beginning before Angel turned the paper away from him, grinning and saying he'd have to wait to see what it was.

And now he knew what Angel had been working on.

And it was so worth the wait.

"Push me, pull me, write my story. Give me my rhythm, my rhyme."

Charlie and Vaggie were sitting at the bar with Husk, Charlie watching like a giddy school-girl and Vaggie was watching him in (poorly) hidden amazement.

"I break my cycles, endless spirals. I just wanna trust what is mine," Angel sang, opening his eyes and glancing at Husk, catching his eye and smiling.

To Husk, Angel looked like an artist excited to share their first song with an audience, the song being so worth the wait and ensuring the guests were drawn in as if he was a siren.

"If the sun's in the sky. If the day follows the night. If the clock's still keeping the time. Then you're on my mind," Angel sang, closing his eyes again.

Husk felt his breath hitch and his heart skip a beat.

Angel was made to be performing, but not in the way he had been.

This. This is what Angel should have done from the beginning.

Husk could feel his expression softening as he leaned against the bar, arms crossed.

Everyone in the hotel was listening with rapt attention, and where there would have normally been scattered claps and whistles for other participants, everyone was silent.

Even Nifty had taken from chasing a roach with her needle to dropping it all and sitting at the foot of the sofa in the parlor with the other residents.

"The silence that we share. My heart was ill prepared. I oversimplified," Angel continued, opening his eyes again and scanning around at everyone. "When it was do or die."

Angel looked at Husk again, singing as he looked deep into his eyes.

"Kiss me, hold me, that feeling is holy. Nobody's loved me like you." Angel extended an arm out at him and Husk blew him a soft kiss, Angel pretending to catch it and hold it close to his chest. "Ah, life moves too fast, to get stuck in the past. But I do, I do."

Angel's voice was powerful. Yet it was so soft.

Husk didn't know how he'd been living without the soft singing Angel was doing at the moment. He'd love to be able to listen to this for eternity.

Although, that wouldn't be enough time, either.

"I think I take more than I give. Kinda shit but it’s how I live," he sang, the speed getting faster than the slow pace it started with.

Husk felt a pang of sadness run through his chest.

Knowing what he did about Angel, it hurt that Angel thought of himself like that.

"Be stuck 'til my conscience has outgrown me. I'm dumb enough to do the math. 'Cause life comes, life will pass."

If it weren't for Alastor and Lucifer coming back bickering, Husk would have been put in a trance.

But the looks they started receiving from Charlie because of their noise made them stop and pay attention to what was happening.

They quietly found a place to sit down and Husk glared at them before turning his attention back to Angel.

He couldn't help but think of how Angel was a perfect name for the man in front of him.

"So I try not to get attached. Don't know what story I'm supposed to buy, if we see God's face when we look in our eyes." The entire hotel seemed to be still, not a soul in there barely breathing.

"If your life will start in the moment you die, or if it's all worth the tears we cry," Angel continued. He'd closed his eyes again, and he looked like the most beautiful person to grace anywhere in Husk's eyes.

Husk was smiling softly, and he could tell his pupils were probably extremely dilated.

"Still live life like I'm on a mission, every damn day is all about ambition," he sang, face still smiling as he sang but his face visibly sadder, or at least that Husk noticed.

"Scared I'll turn out to be just a normal guy. Wonder why I'm only grateful when I'm high." Husk knew what he meant. Used to, Angel would be high any moment you'd see him, except for when he slept in the early hours of the morning.

They were still finding his old stashes anywhere they looked, but Angel was always surprised when he'd be confronted.

He'd been sober for a long time now, so apparently he'd forgotten all about his older stashes of drugs he'd been taking.

"You make a choice and don't look back. What's strong enough will stay intact. There's more to life than what is fact," he sang, seeming a little less sad, a lot more vibrant than he had been for a bit.

"The things we love can never last, it hurts too much, that's why I laugh, like sand slips through an hourglass."

"I'll hold onto the life I craft, so one day I can give it back," he sang, ending the song as the outro to it played and he stepped away from the microphone as he flashed a smile to the guests.

An uproar of cheer came from the audience as Angel stepped down for the next person to go, and he sat down at the bar across from where Husk was standing.

"So, you enjoy the song?" Angel asked, gratefully accepting the drink Husk made for him without asking.

"It was great, Angel," Husk said, taking a sip from his bottle.

Angel smiles, leaning on his hand.

"Wanna leave? Go lounge around up in one of our rooms for the rest of the night? I've got work, so I can't really stay up much longer," Angel asked, downing the rest of his drink and standing up.

"Yeah, let me close up and I'll be right up," Husk said, smiling as Angel got up and let Charlie know he was going to bed.

[haecien]

Secret Scent.

-Joshua x G/n reader.

Synopsis -- Fairies are roaming around, what is this calming charm? Joshua just opened a new Perfume line. It smells amazing, its just the effect it does that makes you weird.

Genre -- Smau(Some panels are written) , Fantasy, Fluff(?), Mysterious, Dark(?)

Warnings -- Cursing, reader being downbad in private, dark-ish themes(Murder, people going mental.. literally) , mentions of drugs

Send an ask or comment to be in the taglist!

512 words 2,778 characters 2-3 panels

Masterlist | Previous | Next

Late night walks

NOT PROOF READ!

Joshua put his phone down and switched it to silent, he got up from his bed and quickly changed his clothes.

He wore a black shirt with denim pants, with that he used a black mask to hide his face and a cap. God the world is so cruel to him, he can't even go out without getting harassed.

He hesitantly opened his door thinking if he should back down, going out has became a hassle Joshua. He'd frequently feel like others were watching or following him, no matter how many bodyguards he hires, no matter how strong they are. People will always find a way to hurt him

He sucked it up eventually and walked out of his home, he locked his door and kept his key in his pocket. He nervously clenched his fists as he started to walk along his neighborhood

Suddenly he started to think to himself, where were you? Are you safe? Shit. The reason why he went on the walk in the first place was to get you out of his head. Haha the more he tried to get his mind off you

The more you popped up.

...

He remembered the place he was at was near your company, he wondered if he should go in to see you. But it would be weird, he didn't want to bother you.

"Mm! " a hand covered Joshua's mouth making it difficult for him to speak at all, he tried his best to break free from the persons grasp.

Joshua tried to drag him and the person to a place where nobody could see them, what the fuck? That's the opposite of what a normal person would do in a situation like this.

-------------------------------------------------------

Cheers! You all cringed your glasses together. " This feels nice after working non stop. "

" Be lucky im paying, I feel like ill be broke by the end of the year if I keep doing this " he jokingly said

The waiter lightly tapped Cheol's shoulder, " Sir would you like to bill out? "

" Oh yes please. " " No problem i'll get the bill. "

" Oh yes pleaseeE~ " your voice cracked in the middle of you mocking cheol but now it was cheol mocking you which made everyone laugh.

-------------------------------------------------------

you all left the restaurant feeling stuffed, well no matter what time, day, week it is your friend group was always so lively.

Dokyeom was walking in front of everyone, suddenly he stopped dead in his stracks which made Jun bump into him " Yah! - what's the big deal why'd yo- ..... " Jun peaked in front of Dokyeom to see what was up ahead, big mistake. Your entire group went silent

Lying in front of you was a body, you were sure it was a guy. He wore a black shirt with denim pants with a mask that was covering his face

Cheol quickly went to see if the person was still alive... There heartbeat was faint but the person was still alive, realization hit Cheol like a fucking brick how could you be so stupid to not even realize who that is?

" Jisoo? "

-------------------------------------------------------

Cliffhanger/j im joking HELPEPEP anyways

Cien rambles

Got a bit lazy at the end so sorry about that💔

Taglist: @hipsdofangirl @amxlia-stars @lirtha97 @joshuaahong

[labratboygirl]

FINALLY DUMPING SOME OF RIDE THE WAVES SHITFUCKED WORLDBUILDING/LORE

before i say anyhting i need to say that this whole story is entirely based on some obscureish rhythm game slash platformer i like (soundshapes) .and also that this post is Really Fucking Long . so strap in everyone

the main species in the story (queazians)

i named them after one of the studios that worked on the game this storys based on .queasy games . i think im clever

all queazians have a weird blobby head with a single eye , humanoid body , sticky pads on their hands + feet , and some kind of tail

the head + sticky pads + sometimes tail are all made of the same goopy stuff . its also the main substance in their bloodstream

queazians start out as Just their head and over time their actual body sprouts out of it

fully developed queazians can actually retract their body back into their head if they wanna get around faster but they dont look similar to newly born queazians at all so they cant like . disguise themselves as babies or anyhring

they can Only be physically hurt by things colored bright red or pink . like if you shot one in the head theyd get up and be fine but if the bullet happened to be bright red/pink theyd be dead as a doornail . theres no explanation for this other than thats how it works in the game

all queazians come from the mother which is just . a really big nonsentient queazian at the center of the multiverse that they all just break off of and float away from

the mother USED to have this cool magical substance in it that gave queazians swagful powers but then VEX went and STOLE IT ALL when he was born (ill talk more about him l8r hes i,mportant)

drawing slash diagram of a queazian so this makes at least a little bit of sense

where does this even take place ???

short answer: everywhere !

long answer: diff sections of the story take place in diff universes , some sections of the story take place in the same universe - every character ends up finding eachother through . just kismet i guess

only exception here is vex because he doesnt necessarily live in Any universe . he actually lives in this citadel at the center of the multiverse (appropriately named the C.M. Citadel) where the mother is

the wave . aka the one thing that fucks everything up

sent out across the multiverse by vex (because Of Course) and its whole purpose is to . like i said . fuck up everyhting it touches in some way

physically just looks like a mess of blinding sparks and also makes a horrible screeching sound when it passes

affects every character in a different way , some more dramatically than others

has a few different ways of fucking shit up , including doing physical damage to things creating living beings and affecting peoples minds . overall everything it does has a negative effect

ohhhhhh shit here comes an entire section dedicated to character descriptions + stories

sprout (they/it)

theyre just a happy little guy . joyous beast

lives on this little cute whimsical planet named Helowurld (like . hello world . because thats the section of the game its based on)

grew up surrounded by all these weird little creatures and no one could actually speak Words so they ended up learning the creatures’ languages instead . which is just like bleep bloops and beatbox noises

most creatures on its planet are friendly , some ARE semi dangerous but sprout always manages to befriend them all . how do they do it

have not decided how the wave is gonna affect it . actually . original plan was that they were gonna be created by the wave but it didnt make sense . they dont wanna hurt nobody ………

eventually ends up befriending mars !!!!! besties !!!!!!!!

thomas (he/him)

average office worker . so so tired and confused all the time but just has to live with it

i think hes also a huge loser i need to incorporate at LEAST one failass character into my stories or i will die

lives in a world pretty similar to earth and the company he works for is just called GENERIC CO . they do Things and make Stuff and are definitely not corrupt at all

when the wave hit him it made him realize how much his job sucks ass and inspired him to try and escape the building . sounds like a good thing at first !!!! but he almost goes Completely Insane trying to get out !!!!!!

they put a chip in his brain that actively tries to stop him from leaving the building .this is entirely inspired by my controller drifting really badly when i was replaying his section of the game LMAO also he ends up ripping it out of his own head at one point

need to stress that this building is fucking Huge . he gets lost in there very easily . and theres also this scrapyard hellscape filled with torn up machinery under the building he gets stuck in for a while

the one little bit of enrichment in his personal torment nexus is this cute little office cat named benny who . can clone himself for whatever reason

alexis (she/they)

part of a team of astronauts embarking on a mission called project beyond . not sure what the objective is but its probably along the lines of flying to farther off planets theyve been observing from a distance and find out more about them firsthand

pretty kind and levelheaded most of the time but can crack under enough pressure ….. solid role model ……. also unrelated to the last 2 parts but TGIRL SWAG‼️‼️‼️

took her little sibling mars with her on the mission but the wave ended up wrecking their ship midflight and leaving them literal worlds apart from eachother !!!!! Whoopsies !!!!!!!!

bad news is she is now possibly permanently separated from her sibling good news is that she landed on one of the planets theyd already been studying ! convenient

she just refers to the planet she landed on as The Beyond (cus like . project beyond yeah very original of me) and its like . basic scifi shtick on there . funky aliens extreme conditions technology that seems to have been made by the funky aliens etc

so she just spends her time on there studying everything and trying to keep herself alive while also trying to find a way to find mars again

OH AND ALSO initially alexis and mars arent suuuperr fond of eachother but the moment theyre separated by the wave they want eachotjer back so bad it hurts ………..Heh i love putting guys in situations

mars (any)

theyre like . 12 . youngest of the group next to sprout (its ageless but whatever) . he probably has skibidi toilet humor imsorry

they USED to be goofy and whimsical like sprout but then the Events happened !!!!!!

unlike alexis instead of landing on a different planet mars was sent to a wholeass different universe . how tha hell

the place they land in is called Arcadia because ! well ! everything looks like an arcade game ! all the creatures there are like space invaderish alien things and everything is like . blindingly neon . please do not go there without some kinda eye protection

mars is fucking Terrified . btw . of everything there . lil bro just wants to be with her sister again :o((((

the whole reason why arcadia is so hostile is just because the section of the game its based on is So So Hard compared to the rest . i have had so many mental breakdowns while replaying that shit it is a miserable experience

like i said earlier , sprout and mars end up finding eachother and becoming besties but the way they actually found eachother was after mars found a rift between the universe that holds arcadia and the universe that holds helowurld .so ! mars gets a little bit of a happy ending ! i guess

vex . the real important one (prefs he/him but honestly does nooottt care)

hes my favorite but i based him on my fav part of the game soooo i May be biased

remember when i said he stole all the magical stuff inside the mother when he was born ? yeah that was a thing that happened

because of him having all that magic shit inside him he has a lot of qualities that queazians normally dont have . like floating limbs and wings and bright red body parts to Hit And Claw You with

hes just a huge freak naturally . he doesnt have any tragic backstory or anyhring hes just like that

when he came down to the cm citadel almost everyone there started worshipping him as a god (cus . i mean . he pretty much is)

but then he sends out the wave and destroys the citadel + almost all its residents !!!!! cus hes silly like that !!!!!!!

he now lives inside this fucked up pocket dimension that .has no name currently where he watches all the waves chaos go down from afar . also he created a bunch of weird little servant creatures that he just refers to as The People

he looooves singing funny little songs . specifically songs about how badly hes fucked up peoples lives (inspired by his section of the game being the only section to have lyrics in the soundtrack .also by that logic he would sound like beck which ?????? yeah ok sure i guess)

ok character section over

timeline (that i mostly just pulled out of my ass as i wrote)

vex is born

vex goes to the citadel where hes worshipped by everyone there

thomas is born

alexis is born

mars is born

thomas starts working at generic co (bad idea)

alexis embarks on her mission with mars (equally bad idea)

vex sends out the wave

vex creates his Unnamed Pocket Dimension + the people

sprout is born

thomas has his Realization after getting hit by the wave and starts looking for a way out of the building

alexis’ ship gets wrecked by the wave and separates her from mars

alexis lands in the beyond

mars lands in arcadia

alexis starts studying the beyond (and the wave too .because she figured out what that was) while also trying to find a way off the planet and track down mars

mars finds the rift between arcadia and helowurld

sprout and mars have funnnnn :o)) yayyyyy :o)))

alexis leaves the beyond and finds out that helowurld and the beyond are in somewhat close proximity ! convenient

alexis lands on helowurld and has her cute happy reunion with mars and tells him and sprout about the wave . and that they need to leave before the wave reaches helowurld

and im not sure where to go after this !!!!! i am very open to suggestions btw

was gonna make add more sketches of the cast and how their worlds look but i dont hwve my art shit currently so ill reblog this with that stuff when i can

[loopspoop]

Finally back from the prisons of writers block, illness, and college with Chapter 11! I think it’s good but better things are to come!

TW: flashbacks, trauma, medical trauma, nightmares

About a week later, Jigen sat on the couch downstairs watching the late night news. They hadn’t rigged the TV set to get every channel worldwide like they had at other hideouts, but it was nice to smoke and listen to some French guy ramble on about grape crops when he couldn’t sleep. Maybe the events of the past few weeks were more taxing on his insomnia than he would care to admit, but he wouldn’t keep the others from sleeping just because he couldn’t. He was honestly glad they were sleeping, especially since Lupin had been a bit restless lately. Maybe it was because they were weening him off his pain meds? Either way, the gunman was happy everyone was resting, even if he wasn’t.

He had gotten halfway into a doze when a shriek sent him bolting into a seated position. What the fresh hell was that-? Another blood curdling scream made his hair stand on end. That was Lupin screaming. Lupin was screaming. Shit, shit, shit! Jigen quickly stubbed his cigarette in the ashtray, taking the stairs two at a time as he hauled ass to Lupin’s bedroom door. He met a frazzled looking Zenigata and an extremely spooked Fujiko at the door, Lupin’s shrieking picking up in pitch and volume as Goemon threw the door open frantically.

“He just began to scream I don’t- I don’t understand!” Goemon bit his lip, quickly going back to Lupin’s side

Jigen followed quickly. “Is he dreamin’-?”

“He was. Then he just started to scream like this and I can’t calm him!” Goemon frowned, trying to soothe the screaming thief.

Lupin sat in the bed, eye wide as he clutched at his head and screamed. Nothing appeared wrong outwardly, but that didn’t mean that there wasn’t some internal issue. For all they knew he could be bleeding inside or a piece of his cybernetics broke off and was bouncing around against his brain or something!

“MY HEAD! MY HE-HEAD!!” Lupin wailed, tears streaming from his face as he trembled and grasped at the bandages around his eye. “STOP- .STOP IT! ITS B-BREAKING! STO-OP!” He choked out between ragged breaths and cries.

“Damnit, he’s having some sort of flashback!” Zenigata frowned, making sure there wasn’t anything remotely dangerous in the thief’s vicinity.

“What do we do-?” Fujiko frowned worriedly, trying to keep Lupin from pulling his bandages off or his cybernetics out.

“We need to remind him that it’s safe here! It’s just a memory!” Jigen frowned, making sure Lupin wouldn’t lash out and clock Fujiko in the face.

“LET ME GO! GAH-!” Lupin cried out suddenly, back arching as he threw his head back and shrieked. “IT HURTS! STOP IT, PLE-PLEASE, STOP IT!”

Zenigata narrowed his eyes, quickly getting onto the bed behind Lupin before wrapping his arms around him. Restraint wasn’t exactly something to try on someone having a flashback, but if bought them some time to try to problem solve without Lupin lashing out at them by mistake. They needed something to ground him into reality.

“Find something to get him calm, quick!” Jigen ordered, looking around the room for anything to help.

“Here!” Fujiko quickly pulled one of Lupin’s watches out from the bedside table. “It’s the old one he broke!”

Of course! Lupin had a habit of rubbing the leather straps on the watches he owned until they wore down enough to break. They just had to use that to ground him! Zenigata quickly took the thief’s hand, guiding his fingers to feel along the worn grooves in the watch’s band. Lupin struggled and cried out, hands shaking as they tried to fight against the inspectors bigger hands and firm grip.

“Lupin, breathe. You’re safe. You’re here with us. Nobody can hurt you here. Remember?” Fujiko frowned, gently rubbing his arm.

Lupin glanced across the room, gaze far away and clouded. Slowly, he began to move from face to face, struggling less as his screaming turned into gasps and sobs. He slowly dropped his hands, anxiously searching the room as he whined low on his throat. He was here with them…of course he was. How did he forget that? Where had he gone?

“There we go.” Jigen nodded, carefully sitting in front of him. “You with us?”

Lupin nodded weakly, body relaxing back into Zenigata quietly. The inspectors jacket provided a place to hide…and he was a lot warmer than the air in the bedroom.

“Are you hurting anywhere?” Goemon looked down at him worriedly, gently cupping his face.

Lupin bit his lip, eyes shifting anxiously as he pressed more against Zenigata. Hurt..he hurt. Was he hurt? Why was he hurting? Was the doctor around? The doctor-! He quickly tried to get at his bandages. His head- he had to see if his head was broken. He remembered it was broken. The sounds…the blood…he had to make sure!

“Lupin, easy.” Jigen took his hands, frowning. “Is your head hurtin’? Can you tell us what you’re feelin’?”

Lupin trembled, grasping at Jigen’s hands desperately as tears rolled down his cheek. “M-M skull, Ji-, he took my skull, it’s broken and-and-“

“Okay, okay, breathe.” Jigen nodded, squeezing his hands. “We’ll check, okay?”

“We’re all right here, Lupin.” Zenigata kept his arms securely around the thief’s middle. “Everything will be fine.”

“I’ll remove the bandages.” Goemon moved to his side, carefully undoing the bandages around the thief’s head.

Lupin whined, hands jerking slightly as he want to grab at his cybernetics. He had to know. He felt his bones shattering. The sound they made..he felt it across his body, the resounding crunching and crackling of broken fragments of his head. He felt Jigen lead his hands up to the damaged area. There wasn’t a hole…right..there wasn’t a hole there anymore. He was safe…no hole. His insides wouldn’t spill out of him…his head was okay now… it should be okay, despite the dull throbbing..all of that was in his mind. It wasn’t happening anymore. Why was this happening to him?

“See? Your head is okay.” Fujiko rubbed his shoulder gently. “Do you want some painkillers?”

Lupin nodded weakly, gaze drifting to the bed silently as he was given a fresh dose of the medication. Realistically, he knew that he would have setbacks based on what had happened. That didn’t really comfort him much when he was convinced someone had smashed his head open and he ended up having a major meltdown in front of everyone in the middle of the night. Somehow, the concern in their eyes hurt more than the residual pain from the flashbacks. He couldn’t shove this down anymore than he already was…he was broken and all the pain and trauma was dripping through the cracks for all of them to see. He wasn’t sure how much they knew or saw…how much they’d find out. He wasn’t sure he ever wanted them to know all of it.

He was selfish like that. He knew all of their deepest secrets, their fears, their pain. Goemon confiding in him how he ended up with that Momochi bastard, Jigen’s past with the Mafia, hell, even Fujiko and Zenigata had confided in him about their lives and traumas. Yet, he wanted nothing more than to sponge all of this away and bury it deep down somewhere where they would never find it or see it. It just wasn’t…him. And they knew that too. What if they realized how damaged he was and left? What then?

“Lupin? You still with us?” Fujiko frowned, waving a hand in front of his eyes cautiously.

“Mm? Yeah…yeah, I’m still with you..” Lupin nodded a bit, sighing. “Sorry, guess I’m just tired…”

“Go back to sleep, okay?” Zenigata squeezed him gently. “We’ll stay right here with you.” He assured

Jigen nodded, sitting at the end of the bed. “I’ve got my Magnum. Nobody’s gettin’ to you while we’re here.”

Goemon grunted, holding Zantetsuken firmly as he sat on Lupin’s other side. Fujiko kissed his cheek, stroking his hair gently as she smiled a little. Lupin smiled weakly, resting back against the inspector as he closed his eyes. The group exchanged looks, uncertainty mixing between them as they settled in for a night of watching over the man.

~~~~

The nightmares and flashbacks happened every night for the rest of that week. Lupin would wake up screaming and whoever was with him would have to try to calm him down. Bad nights took hours, good nights took minutes, but the guilt and adrenaline were taking its toll on the thief. He couldn’t keep waking everyone up, so he decided to just stop sleeping entirely for the time being, not that they needed to know that. It beat the constant torment his mind was putting him through and the guilt over exhaustion present in everyone around him. Despite that, they were finally letting him go places other than the bedroom or bathroom, which was a major plus. They were letting him get some fresh air and sun in the yard. It was weird to be outside after so long.

“No, I’m saying a garden would be a good idea.” Goemon cut some wood, glancing over at Jigen. “You have gardened before, yes?”

Jigen shrugged. “I mean, I know my way around diggin’ a hole. That’s enough, right?”

“…we can work on it.” Goemon nodded a bit, cutting more wood for a fence.

Lupin watched them quietly. It was nice to see them relaxing…it was such a nice day. He looked down at his feet in the grass. He could…feel it, through the dulled senses his pain meds allowed him, but it wasn’t as organic as it used to be. He glanced over at Fujiko, watching her hair move in the breeze. She was doing his nails, something about relaxing? He knew it was more about self confidence. Even with his sleep deprived brain, he could see their plans even if they didn’t want him to.

“Lupin? Are you doing alright?” Zenigata frowned, hovering a few inches away from his face. “You look tired.”

“Mm? I’m all good Pops.” Lupin flashed him a smile. “I don’t know what I’m going to do with all this attention~!” He teased

Zenigata blushed, huffing as he pulled his hat down. “Be quiet, I’m just checking on your condition…” he glanced away.

“I’m going to check your condition in a minute if you don’t stop making him move while I’m working.” Fujiko sassed, pouting a bit as she held Lupin’s hand firmly.

“I’d love if you checked my condition, Fujiko~” Lupin smiled, glancing at her as he winked.

“Be quiet, twink. Ask one of your boyfriends.” Fujiko rolled her eyes playfully, smiling a bit.

“Don’t rope us into it! We’re gardening!” Jigen called, pushing his sleeves up as he grabbed a shovel.

Lupin laughed, whistling at him as he watched him and Goemon work in the dirt and cut the wood, Zenigata trading Jigen’s shovel for a hoe. He was just…glad that they were here with him..even if he was broken and tired..they were staying. He sat back on his chair, closing his eyes as he felt the sun on his face and Fujiko’s hand on his. He just wanted to bask in this moment. Even if he felt like shit, exhausted and sore and paranoid…he would be okay in this one moment.

[shae-la-hyene]

Ok since nobody asked, I'm gonna liveblog eating gluten while most likely coeliac, maybe as a cautionary tale.

To be clear I did not get a coloscopy to prove it so I do not have a definitive diagnostic. From what I've experienced I am 90% sure I'm coeliac, and let's face it the last ten percent are denial.

After about three years of miserable gluten free lifestyle, I snapped. It went like this :

October 6th (2024) : had a plate of terrible crispy chewy and sticky all at once pasta, had a breakdown, decided 'fuck it'

October 8th : bought donuts, ate two, keeping the other four for breakfast tomorrow. Go to sleep, trying to avoid a panic attack

October 9th : no reaction from my body, I'm pissed that I stopped gluten for so long for no good reason. Psy says it might be a nocebo. I'm mad at the entire world. I feel like shit and all my muscles are sore but I convince myself it's the fibromyalgia.

October 9th (at night) : nevermind I got diarrhea I'm definitely reacting. Less painful than last time I ate bread, though, so I keep going. Not giving upnjust yet.

October 12th : I want a kebab so much it dominates my thoughts

October 13th : everything hurts, especially my back and joints. I need an ice pack and I take more breaks time than actual active time. I give up and just go to bed

October 15th : spent the last week exhausted and sore, but still in denial.

October 16th : Everything hurts. If it's because of the bread ? Worth it. I can take painkillers. I can NOT eat gluten free pasta ever again.

October 18th : the absolute luxury that is bread and butter... Having fresh pasta because I might as well

October 20th : I feel so bad I don't even know what to do that might help. I have a headache the size of a watermelon and my body is just a blob of pain and exhaustion. My lower back is sending me sharp constant pain. I google how to know if I have kidney stones. Sure sign is blood in urine. Bitch I'm on my period.

October 21st : spent an hour and a half maying in the dark and silence and the headache is receiding a little so now I want to eat (I'm starving constantly). I feel like shit all the time. Best friend is worried I'll die. We all die someday. If pasta kills me, I win.

October 22nd : ate an entire baguette today, with different toppings. No regrets.

October 23rd : I am of the opinion that my body should not hurt after I spent ten hours sleeping on my brand new bed. Alas, my body and I rarely agree. I think it's shutting down, hard. I google the symptoms for coeliac disease. It's not really helpful since half of those I already experience thanks to my other chronic illnesses. ''The consequence of that is an alteration of quality of life'' no shit sherlock. My main way of knowing is if I have a dramatic weight loss. If I'm coeliac, gluten will damage my intestines and will make it unable to absorb nutrients. I don't have a scale at home so it'll wait til I see my doc. That means that until I see him I can stay in denial. I wish I had a body that worked... You know what will fix this ? A big bowl of pasta.

October 24th : I'm constantly hungry. It ain't looking good.

October 25th : I'm sick again. I'm sick every other day now. Things start tasting off, not the way they're supposed to. Weird. Bad weird. No matter, I finally understand lactose intolerant people risking it all for cheese.

October 29th : I'm so overwhelmed I'm inches away from brutally murdering my cat for standing on my chair's arm. Not her fault but my kneecap has been in the wrong position for hours and won't go back to normal so the pain of it is enough to break the camel's back

November 2nd : I'm so exhausted I can't do anything. Took a mix of painkillers, muscle relaxants, and anti inflammatory meds. Went to lay in bed for a while, end up taking a 8 hours nap. Forced myself to stay awake three hours, and then go back to sleep.

November 3rd : obviously wake up famished. Slept with a bucket next to my bed since I got very close to puking my meds out last night. Everything I have available to eat is unappealing, especially anything with wheat in it. My body is craving proteins. Try to eat, but everything, up to the most basic black tea, tastes so weird. Still exhausted, still in pain, considering taking anti inflamatory meds again today. Reconsider my most recent life choice but too stubborn to give up bread. I'm really not doing good...

That's it for now. I'm not going to the doc yet so I'm gonna keep up with the experiment. Wish me luck.

[makerscockandballs]

Here's Inquisitor Thelrael Lavellan! (Lots) more info under the cut:

23 but babyfaced. Above average height for an elf and lanky.

Artificer Archer, changed for the worse once he found out how to properly blow shit up with elemental mines. Effective to have in a fight, but needlessly destructive.

Wears lots of eyeliner but still can’t get the wing to look sharp

In a relationship with Dorian, close friends with Josephine, Krem and Iron Bull.

Slutty but without much success (prior to pulling Dorian)

Had a twin sister who died at the age of 10 from a venomous spider bite. They were supposed to get a Falon’Din and Dirthamen Vallaslin respectively, and he honored that connection to her. It’s also the reason he’s still terrified of spiders, but he will take that to his grave.

Was only sent to the Enclave because nobody else in his clan could go due to illness, death etc. Kind of like the last one to be picked in gym class, and now it’s everyone’s problem.

Really grew to like thick-soled boots and eventually, high heels. He just wants to be on eye-level with the humans & be obnoxious noticed while walking by.

Lets being Inquisitor get to his head, but at the same time doesn’t take the whole concept of the Inquisition seriously. It’s complicated.

His politics about choosing a side boil down to “My keeper & this cute tevinter guy I just met are mages and they’re cool. Also, I’m tired of being force-fed chantry stuff as a dalish elf. So screw the templars whatever the fuck they are!” <- guy who knows nothing about any of those factions

Has a penchant for cruelty towards some of his enemies, but it is an offputting gleeful cruelty. You never know beforehand if he will forgive instantly or give a fate worse than death to the person he’s judging. His moral compass is more of a moral Twister spinner wheel.

Smarter than he pretends to be, but very much not the brightest.

Spends lots of Inquisition money to support Dalish clans even outside of clan Lavellan & locate elven artefacts for them. On the other hand, he does not care much for history and lore by itself, preferring to see the elven pantheon as abstract concepts rather than person-like gods. He still enjoys the occasional story where they are personified, but only if it’s a funny one.

The only one who can get Solas to shut up by asking him questions. Due to not paying much attention to his Keeper’s tales, he has some outlandish ideas about history and lore. Some are so bad that Solas can’t bear even thinking about them and shuts down the conversation.

After Trespasser and disbanding the Inquisition, he went to his clan to recover. The craftswoman and keeper collaborated to design a bow for him. It was also a way to express gratitiude that he used his newfound power as Inquisitor to aid them, despite any past conflicts he had with the clan/Keeper. The bow and gesture mean a lot to him.

The prosthetic is enchanted ironbark. It wraps and unwraps like vines, moves along with him to stay tight yet comfortable and puts most of the force on his shoulder instead of the limb. In a way, you could call it a live plant.

After a few hours of wearing it, the enchantment starts to rub off in a way and feel tingly, later downright painful. At worst, it makes the insivible markings of the Anchor show up and hurt again. He needs to take breaks from wearing it, but often neglects that. Luckily Dorian knows one or two pain-reducing spells. All that causes him chronic pain, which he copes with through said spells and... more elemental mines. They’re therapeutic to him.

Outside of fights, he doesn’t wear a prosthetic most of the time. Dorian still has one custom-made for him with the newest tevene technology that even lets fingers move independently. Thelrael cherishes it a lot too, but his arm hurts too much most of the time (due to too many fights) so he rarely uses it.

He should be put in a blender on high

[let-it-rip-bear]

Honestly felt like that whole bit was a bad look for Sydney and Marcus. I mean yeah, Carmy messed up too, but I would describe his typical mental state as a dumpster fire so it was kinda like. Well. Yeah. But the whole home kitchen scene with Marcus and Sydney left me with a bit of a bad taste for two characters that I liked otherwise. And of course, characters are never going to be flawless humans who only do right, but. You knew throughout that entire scene that they were never going to apologize to Carmy, that they didn’t think they’d done anything wrong, and so it came off kinda holier than thou or entitled. And them calling Carmy a piece of shit bothered me, though that might be more personal for me. Like I felt like everyone in the kitchen was really starting to bond, that was one of the main plot threads, and then that scene happened and it all kinda felt like a lie. He’s a good cook but he’s a piece of shit. He’s a good cook but we don’t actually like or respect him. I don’t know, it made me sad.

Sorry for dumping this all on you!

Do NOT apologize, I'm hyperfixated pretty intensely on the Bear so talking about it is like straight serotonin :] Also please keep in mind that I love Carmy sooo much and I'm biased in his favor, but I try not to let it run rampant lol

It's definitely upsetting! It makes me think about how Carmy bases his self-worth and self-image on being a talented cook. It seems like he feels that cooking is his only redeeming value.

I really feel like nobody knows exactly how mentally ill he's been in the past few years or what he's struggled with. No one knows how abusive NYChef was, he doesn't tell anyone when he's having panic attacks, no one knows how terribly he's been sleeping. He doesn't talk about it and no one asks. Sugar does ask and she even knows to some extent, but the way she treats him is somewhere between comforting, nitpicking, and dismissive because she continually blames The Beef for all of his problems (which according to Carmy is just like their mother, which can't be good for him) or acts like he's just being stubborn trying to safe The Beef. To her, most of his problems could be solved if only he stopped trying to fix it. That's why he was so upset by her reply when he said he'd fix The Beef: "No one's asking you to." Well, no one had to ask him. He wants to fix it because it's important to him. But I digress.

He's got so much shit to deal with and things just keep getting worse. He's so clearly at the end of his rope by "Braciole" that, at that point, he's dissociating, he's not coping, he literally wants to burn the restaurant down. And it seems like no one wants to address it.

It's not that they don't care. But Carmy is so self-contained, so unable to describe how he's feeling; he holds himself together through pure willpower and runs away whenever he can't hide his pain. He lashes out instead of breaking down. He doesn't know how to ask for help and nobody can quite read him well enough to know when he needs it. And honestly, even if it's clear that he's spiraling, it seems like everyone has the same approach as Richie in "Brigade".

RICHIE: What's up? You blow a fuse or something? CARMY: No, I just, uh, felt like Michael was alive for a second. RICHIE: No, thanks.

He then immediately leaves the room, which he has a right to do. He's not in a good place to help Carmy so it would probably only hurt them both if he tried. But as a result, Carmy is left alone with his oncoming panic attack, and no justification can change that.

No one really knows the scope of his trauma. And they act accordingly, which is not only fair, but also healthy. And yet, it also sucks, yknow? It's got benefits and downsides. No one treats Carmy like shit. But Carmy still suffers, because he's in a bad place. So far, no one in his life is capable or willing to be there for him. Even Sugar has her own grief and life to deal with and her approach is certainly flawed.

All of this is to say that I don't think anyone has a real right to perceive Carmy or his actions in such bad faith.

You are an excellent chef. You are also a piece of shit.

This man is half losing his mind from grief, stress, trauma, anxiety, and self-hatred. Does that not at least explain his actions? I think it does. It's not an excuse, but it's certainly enough to change the context. You can't just sweep it all aside and act like Carmy's just lashing out for no reason. If he was doing that, then you could call him a man-child. But he's seriously suffering, and people in pain tend to lash out. That doesn't make him a POS. It makes him human.

This is probably the most biased thing I'll say: I think that most people expect him to rein in his suffering and punish him should it ever bleed out and affect others. I don't expect them to baby him, but I think he could use some gentleness. I think that it wouldn't hurt if more people took into account that Carmy is hanging on by a thread, one that was very close to snapping in "Review" and "Braciole".

I don't know. I'm not sure if this is entirely coherent. It's probably also way longer than you expected lmao?? I've got a lot of feelings about it...clearly :o

[persistentplums]

Bear fishes ep ramblings, not tagging bc it’s like 4am and tbh it’s so everywhere.

Carmy “You’re breaking my balls” about mikey and Richie trying to set him up with Claire slapped me in the face. I heard the way I sounded and felt hurt by the entire sequence.

I think carmy sensitivity-not a bad thing-is very relatable for people who know deeply their family dynamic is bad. While others who aren’t born into it watch it like a show, the entire act of trying to set Carmy up got him obviously defensive and upset because they would ruin Claire. Like that idea of anyone from the family (mikey and Richie) would interact with Claire would stain her bc the whole family is fucked.

The times I’ve been told to loosen up mostly because I was teased for boys liking me is because I am closed off because I do not trust my family. And that’s classic case for carmy, if he still liked Claire or thought abt her at the time idk it doesn’t matter because Carmy defensiveness doesn’t come from being shy but because he simply doesn’t trust his family.

Tiff finds Carmy weird, so does Richie. Which as a viewer is like ?? bc this house is a shit show and carm is weird? But I think they mean in general esp with the whole not talking, not open, not dating, nothing. Carmy has a wall so strong of not wanting people.

Firm believer that the “Stevie gay” ask was less about Stevie. I truly wish to know why ppl think Carmy is gay or if we’re going classic “asshole behaviour” route. I do think it connects to the entire Claire/not having a romantic partner thing though.

Last thought: the convo with his mom. “I make something beautiful” she was talking to mikey. I felt ill tbh like Jesus. You’re just like mommy stormie!

I wouldn’t be shocked if mikey and Donna had that conversation before, I wouldn’t be shocked if mikey agrees, I wouldn’t be shocked that when Donna heard her oldest son killed himself it wasn’t shock but a sense of understanding of why he did it. Mikey and his mom are the same person except Mikey decided to leave one thing for Carmy because he can complete a task. I think it’s fucked, don’t get me started on nat too but rn Donna Carmy Mikey is the focus.

I think the idea of beauty is interesting, she says it as a labour it makes me feel like mikey must have thought the same as his position of oldest/in charge of the beef. They take this thing, make it beautiful, and no one bothers to do it for them. Both people who became the unfortunate working gear of the beef and their family. I worry Syd might have the same fate of suddenly becoming the hearth that burns coal to keep the thing running with nobody to regard her efforts. But that’s worst case.

I do hope s3 expands on Sydney as a person, i worry for her more and more as the show goes on because her skills aren’t the problem it’s about who has her back. I can’t trust Carmy to actually have her back at least not now.

[oc-cinematic-universe]

The High Priestess, Death, The Moon, and Strength in Reverse. For characters, do at least one with Joe!! Otherwise you can choose who's most fitting

The High Priestess: When has trusting their instincts paid off for your character?

anthony is such a pure instinctive kind of guy and sure technically if he had any other view on the matter it doesnt work out a solid half of the time, but from his pov hes doing great. he gets a lot of nagging feelings and instinctive urges that he lets guide him around all the time. hes literally made of love so those urges are often about helping people and making peoples lives better and hes very satisfied with that. yeah maybe following those instincts keeps getting him in trouble with the law cause he prioritizes his instincts over things like not breaking and entering, but he doesnt really care about that that means nothing to him he could not care less about the police, he will not stop. what are they gonna do, arrest him? they keep trying and he just leaves. hes not even running from them or anything he just gets another little nagging feeling and then hes gone. funniest vigilante hero ever

Death: When has your character had to let go of something in their life?

therons gonna have to let go of this 70 year grudge eventually. even if it hurts. even if doing anything else is terrifying. they dont have to stop being angry and they never will, but they dont even want to be doing this, they just cant let it go they dont know how, the revenge is pretty much the only thing keeping them going and they have to LET GO?? theyre so scared

The Moon: When has your character’s path been unclear?

chapter 12 could not be more "where the fuck am i and what the FUCK am i supposed to be doing" for joe both literally and metaphorically. how did he get here? where the fuck is he??? what is he even supposed to do about this???? he's lost literally everything and he has to start picking up all the pieces of what he thought he was and carefully putting them back together in a way thats better, and on top of that he has No Fucking Clue Where He Is Or How To Get Home. and the last thing he remembered before ending up here was being trapped in the wizard maze like fuck his stupid baka life why do they keep doing this to him

Strength in Reverse: What are your character’s doubts or insecurities?

aiden is so , complicated. theyre a smug lil shit and they dont care what people think of them and they dont really see themself in that much of a negative light. dont look at their disability stop worrying about the chronic illness thats not relevant they promise they can be normal enough just d dont worry about it. they never talk to people about their illness, they try to keep that shit as out of the way as possible so nobody but them has to think about it. and its fine! they dont need other people to know! all everyone else really understands is they cough a lot and they gotta do their breathing treatments and thats all they need to know. and then aiden Dies and comes back in a computer completely paralyzed by that fact and how much more visibly disabled they are now. and not a single one of their friends knows how to help them handle it

[cathalbravecog]

HELLO HERES MY PIECE OF CATHAL PROPAGANDA AND IT WILL NOT BE VERY SMART BECAUSE I LITERALLY JUST WOKE UP. TUMBLR USER CATHALBRAVECOG KEEPING IT IN CHARACTER.

I need you to listen to me you see that button there that says multislacker on it, yeah? I need you to click that.

YOU MUST FOR ME AND MY FELLOW CATHAL WARRIORS. FOR THOSE WHO ARE MAYBE JUST A BIT LAZY TO HOVER OVER AND CLICK THE BUTTON!! YOUR VOTE WILL BE HEARD!! LISTEN

Listen. Misty is one of the most popular Cogs in TTCC but now it's CATHAL'S TIME TO SHINE

LOOK at this beast. They are so happy. You don't want to make this smile upset.

Let's pull a Multislacker wins by doing nothing, yeah?

He is similar to Misty in a way that he's at least neutral towards the Toons, and both do not want the violence between the two groups

Despite how he usually acts..lazy and sleepy... He is also very kind and caring and you can see that in his dialogue when he's healing the other cogs in his fight or when he's entering the fight again after his lunch break - asking if their break was good as well and even saying how the others can't take a hit, but he can

He doesn't want this violence and he knows hes beefier than the other cogs!! He doesn't want anyone hurt. Mostly from the part that he just doesn't feel like fighting but with how he is, I'm assuming he doesn't want to see any harm being done either. Cathal is basically attacking out of annoyance and because he *has* to like other cogs

Here's me petting him at the lovely low low laff of 77 when I should not have done their fight yet. I did that for HIM! and so should you. By CASTING THAT VOTE, BABY

Even while being bothered by Graham in the comics he doesn't do much about it, poor guy just let's him!!!!! He just isn't in the mood to deal with it I mean, just like I currently, he just woke up there but like. He didn't do much. He doesn't want to start shit it's pointless to him people should be KIND TO EACH OTHER‼️‼️ SO a true cathal

Not to mention he's just just great as an added character in general - he allows us to see a tiny tiny bit more into the life's of the bosses, or just allan at least. gets you thinking what their lives are or were before cogs Inc.... Some development even if small FUCK YES I am SCRAMBLING FOR THIS SHIT HERE

Maybe he has less going on especially on the surface than misty, and I can talk about her character for a while too, I too love misty!! But she has a LOT OF TIME TO SHINE

So LETS GET CATHAL SHINING AS WELL!! SHOW THIS BEAST THAT WE ARE HERE FOR THEM!!! WE CAN APPRECIATE THIS BEAST BEYOND JUST THE SANDWICH MEMES AND BEING CUTE!!

I am ROTATING HIM IN MY MIND when NOBODY ELSE DOES!! If Cathal got a million fans I am one of them if Cathal got a thousand fans I am one of them YOU GET THE GIST

Let me GET CLOSE AND PERSONAL HERE. This beast right here is my current ultimate blorbo he is my best friend canon we UNDERSTAND each other u get me. Canon btw

Genuinely this character means a lot to me even if a lot of it is The Mental Illness. But he's helped me learn things I wouldn't have taken seriously otherwise. It's okay to take breaks and take care of yourself. There's no such thing as being too lazy for a lot of people, most of the times those things have a cause that's deeper rooted. That's usuly my cause as I struggle with motivation and really bad adhd. But he's helped me to understand hey. That's okay. Breaks are just as important too to keep you functioning

And often I'll struggle with over working myself to the point of injury. And!! I don't always have to be productive! And he's helped me dislike myself less if I am not doing that. I'm still learning this but without them I'd be cursing myself out a lot more

HE HAS DONE A LOT FOR ME AND I AM SURE FOR A LOT OF OTHER PEOPLE TOO!! LET'S REPAY HIM WITH THAT BIG OLFAT VOTE, GAMERS!!!!

CME ON HES EVEN ACE COLORS!!! Nonbinary too if we stretch it a bit. He is a perfect beast in my eyes. Look how well he matches with the flags in my icon

RISE CATHAL WARRIORS VOTE IN THE NAME OF MY INCOHERENT RAMBLE.

THIS IS MY ULTIMATE CATHALPOSTING. THE NUMBER ONE CATHAL FAN AND WARRIOR'S JOB HERE IS DONE. TOGETHER WE CAN GET A TV TO WIN

BUT IF IT TURNS OUT THAT MISTY WINS, I CONGRATULATE HER TOO!!!!

ROUND 2: MATCH 5 ! ! !

[ragingbookdragon]

Just Know It Takes It From Me To End This, Darling

Bruce Wayne x Reader One-Shot

Word Count: 1.2K Warnings: Angst

Author's Note: First day back done and I am exhausted :') Enjoy! -Thorne

**********************************************************************

She frowned as she held the phone to her ear, sniffing slightly to pull off the “I’m sick” fake; she’d taken the day off too, just so she didn’t have to see him, hopefully it had helped her with her façade. “I’m really sorry about dinner tonight, Bruce. This all just hit me out of nowhere and I’m really not feeling to hot right now.”

His smile was heard even through the phone. “You don’t have to worry about dinner. I’ll come by and drop some off. We could watch some—”

“No!” she panicked. “The last thing you need it to get sick too. Just—just gimme a day or two to get over this and I’ll see you again.”

“Are you sure?” he worried. “It’s not bother to me if I get sick. I want to take care of you, darling. You know when you feel bad, so do I.”

Oh, it tugged at her heart to hear those words. To hear that promise and she smiled tightly. “I’m sure, Bruce.” She coughed a little, hoarsely clearing her throat. “I’ll see you sometime soon. Goodnight Bruce.”

She didn’t wait for his response, pulling the phone from her ear to end the call. Her gaze shifted from the screen to the dark sky outside and a heavy-hearted sigh escaped her as she shoved her phone into her purse and left her apartment, bundling in a coat against the Gotham snow.

***

Another plop sounded from the stone dropping into the water and she propped her chin on her elbow atop the railing, gazing disinterestedly at the ripples. All she wanted to do was crawl into bed but her sheets, no matter how many times she washed them, smelled like his cologne, and the last thing she wanted to do was think about him. It’d been pure luck that Bruce had met her, and unfortunately fallen in love with her. A hopeless romantic more familiar with unrequited loves than anything else being wooed by the biggest playboy in Gotham City.

She sighed again, tossing another stone and someone coughed behind her; she jumped a foot in the air and gasped like a horrible protagonist in a cheap eighty’s movie, spinning to see Gotham’s Dark Knight before her.

Pressing a hand to her chest, she breathed, “Holy shit, you scared the crap out of me, Batman.”

“It’s not safe to be out here alone.” His voice was gruff and quiet.

She shrugged, turning back to the water. “Yeah, well, I needed to think.”

Feeling him beside her, she listened as he asked, “Is something the matter?”

“It’s nothing you should be concerned about, Batman,” she murmured. “Nothing important, at least.”

He watched her. “You’re (Y/N) (L/N). Bruce Wayne’s girlfriend.”

A loathing smile crossed her lips. “For now.”

“You’re going to leave him?”

She shrugged again. “I don’t know if I can. He’s…too sweet for me to bring it up.”

“How so?”

(Y/N) looked over, brows furrowed as she questioned, “Isn’t Bruce your benefactor? Why on earth do you want to know why I want to break up with him?”

Batman merely answered, “Because you seem like you need to talk it out.”

Her eyes darted to the water and all the emotion in her chest started to well up again. “It’s stupid.”

“Try me,” he encouraged. “Is something bothering you in the relationship?”

“No. Bruce he’s…he’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man. Kind, attentive, funny. It’s just…”

“It’s just?”

(Y/N) met his gaze once more and whispered, “I don’t think I’m what Bruce needs.”

Even Batman seemed confused. “What do you mean?”

She gestured to herself. “I’m not a beautiful model that stars of the cover of the world’s greatest magazines or some super smart influential socialite. I’m a nobody from Gotham City and I feel that one day—” (Y/N) swallowed thickly against the lump in her throat, hand moving up and down in front of her chest as if it’d speak the words for her and pushed out, “One day he’ll wake up and realize there’s more for him than me.”

Letting out a shaky breath, she huffed pitifully, “Hell, I’ve never even been with anyone before Bruce. I was like a fumbling teen virgin the first time we had sex and honestly, I think I hid it well enough, but I’ve never been in a relationship before.”

(Y/N) wiped her face. “I’ve always chased love and tried so hard to be what people want but even then, I always got the whole, ‘I like you, but I just want to be friends’ spiel and just when I thought about giving up on love, Bruce Wayne walks into my life and says he’s in love with me.” She glanced over, voice soft as she whispered, “I dread the day he knows there’s someone better than me. Because I know there is and I feel like if I leave him now, it won’t hurt as bad as it would if it were however long down the line before it happens.”

Her fingers were shaky. “It’s embarrassing, this anxiety and lack of confidence but I’ve never known love like I have with Bruce. It’s everything you read about in those stupid cheesy romance novels, and I love every moment with him.” She shook her head. “But I can’t wait for him to break my heart.”

Batman took it all in, the tears in her eyes and on her cheeks, the fear yet love in her voice, the obvious feelings she had for him, and he smiled, reaching out to take her hand. “I’m not going to break your heart, (Y/N).”

She gaped at him. “Excuse me?”

“I love you, (Y/N).” he thumbed her hand. “And I don’t want a model or another socialite.” Bruce leaned forward and took her chin in his free hand, tipping it up as he murmured, “I want you.”

“I’m dreaming,” she blurted out. “I’ve obviously been hit by a car and am currently in some type of coma dream.”

He snorted. “No, I watched you leave your apartment and come here.”

(Y/N) frowned. “You were watching me?”

“You were faking sickness. I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Bruce replied defensively. “I worry.” She went silent. “Darling?”

“So, all that?” she whispered. “You…you’re not upset?”

“Darling,” Bruce admonished, taking her into his arms, wrapping her in the long Kevlar cape; she pressed her cheek to the bat symbol, his familiar cologne wafting up her nose. “I knew something was bothering you���but I didn’t know it was this that was upsetting you.” He caressed the back of her head. “I’m not upset with you. I was just waiting to see if you were going to voice it.”

“Sorry,” she murmured. “Just horrible anxiety and ill confidence.”

“You don’t have anything to be sorry for, (Y/N),” Bruce said. “If anything, I should be apologizing for not reassuring you sooner.”

“Yeah?”

“Mhm.” He pulled back slightly and gazed at her, and even beneath the cowl, she could tell his eyes were full of love, only because the smile on his face told her so. “Would you like to get dinner with me?”

(Y/N) smiled tearfully. “Yeah…I’d love that.”

[quirkless-accident]

{father figure/ oh, you havent heard?/ Student danny}

danny gains ice power. Aka the day he got freezing sick

Full disclosure i only remember what vaguely happens. The danny phantom wiki hasn't steered me wrong yet

----------

Aizawa raised an eyebrow as Danny sneezed again. It was starting to get colder outside, so maybe it was seasonal allergies. Danny had already gone to see Recovery Girl yesterday, and he was fine, except for the odd body temperature, but that was normal for him. He's always ran cold, as far as Aizawa's concerned.

Aizawa made a mental note to talk to him about it. And the blue wisps that wouldn't stop coming out of his mouth.

--------

Danny was having a rough time. His powers were acting up, and he couldn't see anybody about them. It wasn't a normal quirk. nobody knew how to fix what was wrong with him because he was one out of two halfas in all of existence. Because of course he fucking was.

So instead of acting like his powers were the thing that was wrong, he pretended to be sick. It's not like it was hard. With how shitty he actually felt, and the coldness that crept up his spine and settled in his bones, it was easy to get Recovery Girl to excuse him until he was better.

He knew Aizawa was worried, but soon he wouldn't need to. His body would bounce back, just like it always did when weird ghost shit happened.

Right?

--------

Aizawa noticed it almost right away. The trail of frost that Danny was leaving behind, and the food in the cafeteria he barely touched turning into a hunk of ice as he left. He didn't know what was going on, but it was obviously something ghost related. Which meant it probably wasn't a normal illness. He made a note to ask Danny about it at the end of the day.

---------

Danny was going to fist fight the universe.

He knows that ghosts won't follow his schedule and leave him alone when he's at school learning how to kick their asses better, but it's still very annoying when the ground breaks open beneath their feat and a giant plant ghost breaks through.

And of course none of his classmates can really do anything, because on top of being a powerhouse with plants, he also has the normal powers of a ghost. Danny was virtually the only one who could touch him, and he had to do it without his classmates finding out his secret. The only one who knew was Aizawa, and he planned on keeping it that way.

Everything has been harder today though. He's incredibly cold despite the warmer temperature of the class and outside. He doesn't understand why. And he's been keenly aware of his skin slowly turning blue, and the icicles coming off of his elbows that he's been desperately breaking off before anybody could see. This is something ghost related. Nobody here at U.A. could help him.

The ghost is monologuing. Danny finds as annoying as he finds it useful as he dives forward, ectoblasts at the ready. He starts blasting vines and large roots that are shooting out to attack him and his classmates, but the plant man-Undergrowth, was it?-is regenerating too quickly.

Danny lines up a blast to his beaked face when something grabs his ankles and drags him down, slamming him into the ground. It creates a crater that Kirishima is quickly trying to pull him out of. But just as they get back to their feet, Danny feels an itch in his nose, and the whole world fades to black.

-------

Shouta knows the pressing feeling of a migraine more than the normal person. He's had plenty of them from overusing his quirk or the occasional concussion. His experience with them is the only thing keeping him from opening his eyes right as he wakes up. He goes through his mental checklist, and is pleased to find that the only thing that really hurts is his head.

He groans as he covers his eyes with his hand before opening them, trying in a vain attempt to put off the inevitable. Eventually he adjusts enough and takes his hand away, scrubbing lightly at his face. He is met with a dim room with a heavy, earthy smell, and a shivering half-ghost sitting next to him. He goes to shake him awake, trying not to be too concerned about the blue tone the boy's skin has taken. When his hand gets close, however, a quick layer of thin frost covers his fingertips. He pulls his hand back and wraps it in the end of his capture scarf before shaking the boy awake.

Danny is apparently not a morning person. It takes at least two more tries to get him to finally open his eyes, and some gentle nudging to get him to sit up. He sneezes, and a series of blue wisps escape his mouth.

"I was going to talk to you about that," Aizawa says, keeping his voice low to not upset his headache. "Is it a ghost thing?"

Danny nods. He looks absolutely miserable. "Yeah, but I have no idea what it is, or how to control it. I don't know if I'll be any help against Undergrowth when I'm so sick."

Aizawa takes in a deep breath to calm his nerves, and he's please to find that Danny does the same. Though the shaking in his hands don't stop, he suspects it's from Danny being cold more than his anxiety.

"If we can make it to my parent's house we'd be able to get all of the ghost hunting equipment we would need," Danny says.

"Time to see if all of this stealth training I've been showing you finally pays off," Aizawa replies dryly as he slowly gets to his feet. He helps Danny to his before they look around, feeling around the wall.

It's got the texture of a leaf and the durability of drywall, which Danny uses to their advantage by heating up his hands and burning the plant away without outright blasting it. He takes a second to try and warm the rest of him up. When he's done he's still cold, but he is less blue.

Danny hovers in the air for a brief moment before looking back at Aizawa. It's a mi of worry and determination, one the boy has been an expert in making since day one. Aizawa gives him an encouraging nod and they leap from the pod they were being held in.

Everything around them is covered in thick vines taller than All Might and twice as broad. The usual training grounds of Ground Beta were nowhere to be seen. Instead there were a bunch of other pods around. Danny makes a break for one of them, only to be stopped by vines latching onto him and pulling him back. Aizawa tries to move forward, but his legs are quickly secured. The ground rumbles again, and Undergrowth comes back out.

"There's no use in fighting it," Undergrowth brags as Danny and Aizawa struggle to escape. "The growth is stronger than any meat creature."

"Why can't I get out of these?" Danny barks in frustration. He pulls again, and Aizawa winces at how the vines dig into his skin more. He can see the blue coming back as Danny gets more and more frustrated, only interrupted by Undergrowth's speech.

"This is exactly what nature intended all along. Mankind is merely a temporary weed in the garden of life. A weed, that can be removed," he smiled triumphantly. Then, with a wave of his hand, the surrounding pods open up, and Aizawa's heart jumps into his throats.

Sitting inside of the pods are his students.

They're all in various stages of being tied up by vines, and all of their eyes glowed an unearthly pink.

"What did you do to them?" Aizawa snarled. Undergrowth just laughed.

"My mind vines have taken effect," he said. "I'm going to use them and every other god-forsaken hero to destroy this city! For too long human progress has been prioritized over the nurture of the very earth you all walk on! Tearing it up by its roots and burning it to the ground! I will no longer sit idly by and watch it happen."

The speech is punctuated by a sneeze coming from Danny. When Aizawa looks over, the vines holding him back are encased in ice. There's icicles coming from his nose and he looks like he'd rather be anywhere else.

Danny doesn't waste the opportunity his shitty allergies give him though. He quickly gives one big tug, and the vines break apart. he wastes no time in freeing Aizawa while Undergrowth yells in frustration, unable to catch the halfa. Aizawa is careful to only let Danny grab his uniform and not his whole arm as he dodges the plants with a fluidity that's learned only from experience.

"Take us high!" Shouta tells him. Danny immediately adjusts their course. First rule of fighting someone who needs the ground? Get to the sky.

Just as he had hoped, once they were high enough, the vines were unable to reach them. Aizawa could feel his breaths coming in more labored from the thinner air, though Danny seemed perfectly fine. In fact, it looked like he was thriving.

That is, until they looks down.

The city of Musatafu was completely covered, just as U.A. had been. There were pods opening and brainwashed heroes roaming the streets. Aizawa felt a cold, tingling sensation down his spine as he looked down.

"We have to go to the Ghost Zone," Danny tells him over the wind. "I have a friend there who might be able to explain what's going on with me. And on out way out we'll be able to get some ghost hunting equipment."

Aizawa nods in agreement, doing his best to ignore his captured colleagues as they come closer and closer to the ground.

---------------

Sneaking into the Fenton household wasn't hard, even with ghost powers that would usually trip every alarm. It seems, however, that Undergrowth took care of that problem.

They don't start having problems until they reach the bottom of the basement.

Shouta Aizawa has never seen the thing that killed his student, but now it's looming over him, casting the room in a harsh, eerie lighting. He briefly wonders what it's like to have lived just over the thing that murdered you. It's probably not good for his mental health.

And standing in front of the portal are the Fenton parents.

Aizawa scowls, and is surprised to find something other than stubborn determination on his student's face. In fact, staring at his parents with their large guns and scowling mind controlled faces, he looks absolutely terrified.

"You ready, kid?" He asks, placing a hand on his shoulder. It seems to snap Danny out of it enough for him to gulp in some air and nod.

And once everything here is all said and done, Aizawa is going to murder the Fenton parents with a law suit so big they'll be paying it off when they're dead. Because Shouta knows for a fact that it's not the portal that Danny is terrified of.

Without much fanfare, their blasters are pointed towards himself and Danny, who on nothing but instinct throws up a green barrier between them and his parents. The blast dissolves into nothing. Danny grips Aizawa's uniform and pulls him behind him before going into a sprint.

While a very real threat, without their own thoughts in their heads, their moves are slow and sluggish. Danny is easily able to use the shield as a battering ram, running through his parents and into the Ghost Zone, dragging Aizawa along with him.

----------

Ice powers.

That's the ghost bullshit that Danny was going through. And conveniently, it was their way of taking down Undergrowth.

He sat in while Frostbite explained the behavior of cores to him and Danny. But something still didn't make sense. He knew Danny had been electrocuted, and cores had something to do with death. So why did Danny have ice powers?

When he asked, he received two very different looks. Frostbite looked almost sad, and maybe a little concerned, while Danny looked away, not wanting to meet his eyes. It was only then that Aizawa realized his question was in bad taste. When he tried to apologize, though, Danny waved him off.

"It's fine to ask questions, Sensei," he said, though he still looked uncomfortable. "Clockwork mentioned once that cores are related to how we died but not-not the physical part. Since cores are essentially ghost hearts, their powers come from whatever your emotional state was when you died."

"What...What does ice mean, then?" He asked softly.

"It's...Different for everybody," Danny answers eventually. "But for me I was...I couldn't move. I was uh, frozen with fear," he grimaces at his wording, but it made perfect sense to Aizawa. He's been in too many situations where it's fight, flight, or freeze. And Danny was only fourteen, with his whole life ahead of him. It only makes sense that he had been terrified with the concept of dying.

He wasn't good at being an emotional anchor. Not like Mic or Midnight. But everything always seemed to be an exception when Danny was involved. He could tell by the kid's stilted body language that he was tired and unsure of what to do. So Aizawa, without really thinking, opened his arms. Not even a second went by before they were full of his the kid.

Maybe he should book him some sessions with Hounddog.

----------

After some quick training and strong foundation for the basics of his new ice quirk, they quickly found their way back to Musatafu. According to Frostbite, when Undergrowth is defeated, everything and everyone will go back to normal.

As a gift to Aizawa for not being a complete dick to Danny, they played around with his capture scarf. Now, if he every caught a ghost in it, including Danny, they wouldn't be able to phase through. It was a step in the direction of trust that Aizawa didn't plan on messing up anytime soon. This was a lot of power for his student to give to him. It was also just another glaring reminder that every other adult completely and utterly failed him.

Danny was also no longer shivering and encasing anything he touched in ice, so Aizawa was safely being carried through the skies by his students. If anybody asked, they would get immediate detention.

Soon enough, they made it back to U.A. Every bone in Aizawa's body was screaming to be stealthy, but Undergrowth wasn't going to come out of his hiding spot if they were. So instead, Danny played around with his newfound ice powers and started freezing the stems and roots of the pods where his classmates were.

Undergrowth was quick to show up at that point, screeching about how they were never going to get away with defeating him. It was a song and dance both had heard more than enough times. Danny turned to Aizawa, a look of confident determination on his face.

"You got everything handled topside?" He asked. Aizawa nodded, gripping his new and improved capture scarf. Danny gave him a lopsided grin, before giving him a two-fingered salute and disappearing into the ground.

Undergrowth was fast. Definitely one of the faster villains he's faced, which is impressive considering Undergrowth's size. But Aizawa was slim and nimble and used all of that to his advantage. multiple vines chased after him, and Aizawa, with only a vague sense of what he was doing, tangled them all up easily enough. All he had to do was stall.

He just needed to buy time for his kid.

------------

Danny has had nightmares where he turns intangible and falls through the ground, but none of them are like real life.

The only light source is him and his powers, which isn't necessarily a big issue. It's better than his dreams. But now, he's got a mission. Find the base of the roots and destroy it. It should be easy enough since all of the roots have secured themselves deep in the earth. All he has to do is follow them to the base.

it thankfully doesn't take him long to get there, and when he does he doesn't waste any time. His classmates are in danger. His sister too, probably. And Aizawa...The one adult who's ever treated him with any kind of respect it out there risking his life for the second time that year for his students. The man needs a break.

Still, he couldn't help the warm fondness he felt whenever he interacted with Aizawa. It was...Nice to just be recognized. To be seen. It's more than his real parents have ever done with him.

Danny shook the thought from his head as he willed his ice to come, willing it to spread from the base to the rest of the roots and up Undergrowth's stem. Aizawa would never think of him like his kid. He needed to stop being so attached. He was only going to get hurt again.

Danny grit his teeth as he pushed forward. His hands were starting to get so cold they burned. Was this how Todoroki felt?

Eventually it was completely covered, and Danny wasted no time in sending a large ectoblast its way. The roots shattered as much as they could in the compacted earth around them. It was bright and cold and warm all at the same time. As the roots were still crumpling, Danny made his way tot eh surface.

Undergrowth was a lot smaller now, wailing in pain as he clawed at the ground. Danny had no words for the ghost, no witty come back or a promise to kick his ass again the next time he pulled shit like this. He was completely silent as he sucked the ghost into his thermos and clipped it to his belt.

Around him all of the plants and vines were deteriorating quickly to the point where it could almost be disintegration. The only thing showing that anything at all had happened was the shriveled up plants and confused hero students wandering around the streets as the brainwashing left their systems. Aizawa was helping Uraraka as she threw up, rubbing small circles on her back. He looked up at Danny, an exasperated, tired hint of a smile on his face.

Danny gave him a thumbs up.

[jasperjv]

The psychological abuse he would employ thrived specifically on secrecy. I feel a sense of power back to have everything revealed.

He was also extremely saneist (ableism but about mental illness specifically) and I refuse to have him take the entire narrative when I'm still here and I am still a living human being. That's why I put my name on it. The line he crossed to start me kicking up a fuss was being saneist about my schizophrenia, and we're a tiny minority, and I'm exceptionally well-spoken, so I feel very strongly about owning my part of the narrative in as strong of terms as I can manage. Because I feel alone in this. To be honest a lot of this is feeling fucking alone as a schizophrenic person and about the psychosis he largely triggered which fucked up my life forever. The schizo jokes and saneism and shit don't happen in a vacuum. People like me see it and this is what happens. Ineffectual rage. I refuse to be dehumanized. My words feel like my shield from this. I want people to look me in the face and hear my words and tell me I'm the person he paints me as, as wider society paints us all as. I at least have the self-awareness to realize all this.

Other than that it's difficult and complicated: there are a few other people in my circle who have been hurt and are scared for me and looking out for me, and they feel I should know some of what's going on, but they seem to struggle with what is and isn't appropriate to expose me to.

They also have a very strong sense of right and wrong and a very strong sense of justice. They want me to know what's going on and speak for myself so that nobody "gets away with" anything and that they aren't allowing me to continue to be slandered and victimized, especially since some of them feel they failed me by allowing it to go on when it was. I just said earlier "guys this is stressful" and they were like "I know, you can take a break for a while." I know it's hard to figure out boundaries between keeping myself safe and sticking my neck out a bit for others through solidarity.

But I'll remind you I was just vibing in my own corner writing down thoughts as they came up, and today it's blowing up because they want me to shut up about what he did to me as the concept of an apology doesn't enter those people's heads. Which is all I wanted btw. And that makes it more frustrating for my friends because they can't understand, "how hard is it to just say you're sorry???" well if they knew then they'd probably be just as fucked up as he was and we wouldn't be friends.

I don't think there's anything wrong with posting my thoughts and tagging them appropriately. It's not like doing it reminds me of it. It's, of course, going to be the other way around. If he doesn't want me doing this, he should (and COULD) do something about it. (Apologize or something??). Everyone else who wants me to stop, well it's probably not their business. But I was already planning on taking a break so there's that.

I haven't been into kh in years but this one dude is not worth talking about once a day every day lol

You're right. He's not worth the gum on my shoe. But it's not about that. My brain has decided we're not done processing this yet. I have to give myself compassion and see it as not being healed yet for very good reasons.

And I had to completely start over within the last year as a bombshell of added context I was previously unaware of scrambled everything. It's even harder now that memories have faded. Events I had started to discard as meaningless suddenly aren't anymore. I have effects of his abuse psychologically the context of which I may struggle to recall. Every little thing that would make this situation as difficult as possible to psycholocigally process has been ligned up immaculately, including my innate thoughtful and slowly considerate personality.

I hope the way I put it isn't too obtuse. It's not funny. But thanks for not being anonymous.