#nobody ever talks about how sad Lister is

[freakylilnutjob]

Lister Bird moodboard

“All my friends, they hate me again.

I get too drunk when I get depressed.

Lost my shit, now all I have left

is ten missed calls and one last cigarette…

Maybe I should see somebody

cause I can’t keep this up.

Everything inside my body

is telling me to stop.”

- 1 Last Cigarette by The Band CAMINO

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[onewithnomightypowers]

clandestine (chapter 6)

PAIRING: Tom Holland x fem!Reader

SUMMARY: Y/N is an up and coming actress, married to a once hotshot actor, Harrison (Haz). What happens when her co-star, Tom, makes her realise that she is stuck in a loveless marriage. A marriage starts crumbling and a new romance stars brewing.

chapter 6: beautiful songs always end

A/N: i do not encourage cheating. i hope you guys like this chapter!! we are so near to the end. only one chapter left!!! feedback is always appreciated. thanks for reading <3

warnings: drinking, cursing, mention of pregnancy and miscarriage 

word count: 1.8k

important: bold and italic are character thoughts

series masterlist   main masterlist   chapter 5   chapter 7

It was the first Monday of September, the beginning of an eleven-day affair, that is, TIFF. The air was slightly chilly in Toronto but full of possibilities. It was Y/N’s first time at a major film festival. Her film was to screen on the second day. The main cast and the director were invited to MTV’s opening night party. Just an ordinary girl between Hollywood’s A-listers, saying she was intimidated, was the understatement of the year.

The party was at a downtown bar. All her friends had left her alone, well, the other two people who were attending the festivities with her. The only place she could find to calm her nerves was the bar.

Two old fashions will do the trick.

She ordered both of them together, saving her the time. She was about to finish her first drink when she picked up her second, with the first glass still on her lips. Her eyes were shut with the pleasure of a burn in her throat by the whiskey.

“Easy tiger”, a grinning Harrison said, standing by her side, resting his arm on the bar counter.

She laughed in her glass, Y/N opened her eyes to see who said it.

“Oh my god, you’re Harrison. I watched your movie today, it was so good”

His ocean blue eyes really pop in that navy shirt.

His grin turned into an unadulterated smile filling his face, his cheeks turning red from the compliment. “Thanks”

Y/N picked her drink number two again, “and you might be?” Haz asked.

“I’m Y/N, enchanté”, she raised her hand to meet his.

“Are you here with a movie too?” He seemed genuinely interested.

“Yeah, I’m the lead in a little indie movie called ‘Midnight Love’”, she pinched the air, a gesture to show how small the movie was.

“No way! When can I catch it?” his excitement was noted.

“It’s screening some time tomorrow morning I guess, I’m not sure”

“Can I give you my number so that you could text me with the time of the screening? I would love to see it”

“Yeah sure”, she handed him her phone.

---

Someone had clicked a photo of Haz and Y/N kissing at Washington Square Park, and had uploaded it on the internet. Nobody really knew who Y/N was, so they dubbed her as the ‘heart throb stealer’. Haz didn’t truly realize the gravity of the situation, the situation being a toy for the media, dating a seemingly normal girl from New York.

Haz had an early call time, so he left Y/N’s apartment before she even woke up, stopping at a deli near her flat in Sunnyside, Queens. When he came out with his breakfast, he noticed that the day started early for New Yorkers too, especially those who considered selling pictures of celebrities as honest work. They were hounding for his flesh.

Maybe I should go back to Y/N’s so that they would leave me alone. No. I can’t go there, they will get to know where she lives. I can’t let her live like me, locked in a golden cage.

Later that day, Haz came around Y/N’s place in the evening. He had planned on a quick ‘get in and go’. He even had a whole speech prepared. She opened up the door. Y/N was in her sleeping shorts and a bra, with a spoon in her mouth. She was clearly not expecting any visitors.

Man, why does she always look this perfect.

Before Y/N could say anything, Haz started his speech by clearing his throat.

“Y/N, I think we should break up and before you say anything, hear me out. I live in the public eye and the opinions of people have locked me in a bird cage. I am alone in here and that is fine with me, but you dating me will be your one way ticket inside this circus. You live a normal life, you are so grounded, and you get me back to earth whenever I’m on Saturn. I love you for that, but I can’t give you the peace you deserve to live a happy, healthy life. I don’t want you ever regretting us in the future so, it is for the best that we draw all our cards”, Haz said that all while still standing in her door frame.

“No”, she turned on her heel and walked towards her melting ice cream, leaving the door open for him.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” he finally entered the house and followed her.

“Are you insane? I’m not going to fucking leave you because of some stupid bird cage you live in. There’s nothing in this world that could stop me from loving you, ever”

---

It was late at night, Y/N and Haz were lying on their new bed, exhausted from a hard weekend of labour. Moving in was no joke. Only their bedside lights were on along with Y/N’s salt lamp which she had brought from her apartment. She was reading ‘The Picture of Dorian Gray’. Haz was making circles on Y/N’s stomach.

“You are distracting me”, Y/N spoke softly.

“Oh, am I now?” Haz started tickling her around her stomach.

“Harrison. Stop. Please”, she said between giggles.

“Never darling”, he travelled up to her neck.

She tried to catch his fingers with her chin, “what do you want from me?”

He stopped. Haz placed his hands on her shoulder to calm her down, locking his eye with her he said, “I want to wake up to you every morning and fall asleep to you every night”

“Well you can do that now”

“I want to do that every day for the rest of my life. Marry me, Y/N.”

---

Y/N was walking down 5th avenue, unaware of a photographer following her across the street. She rang her mother to tell her all the new developments in her life.

“Hello?” her mother answered the phone.

“Hi mum, how are you?”

“Oh hi Y/N! I’m doing fine, what about you?”

“I need to tell you something”

“What is it darling?” Y/N could hear her father in the background asking her mum whether it was Y/N she was talking to.

“Put the phone on speaker, I want to talk to you and papa both”

“Okay”, before heading underground for the subway, Y/N stopped at a small café to finish the conversation.

“Are you both here?” They hummed a yes.

Y/N took a deep breath, “I’m getting married to Harrison”

“What!?” both of them exclaimed.

“Honey you are too young to get married”, her mum said.

“If I’m old enough to do my own taxes, then I’m old enough to take this decision on my own”

“Kid, I just want to give you one piece of advice, I don’t think you should announce your engagement to the world just yet, you both haven’t been dating long enough and they already call you a gold digger”, her dad said.

“Where did you hear that?”

“On the internet”

“Dad, you shouldn’t be Google-ing your child. The internet only feeds you poison. And, lucky for you, we haven’t yet decided when to announce it”

---

Haz was stirring the sauce in the pan, next to the pot of boiling pasta. Y/N was sitting on the kitchen floor, with her back using the cabinets for support, reading a script.

“Babe, can you pass me the salt?”

Y/N carefully got up and opened the spice drawer. “There you go”

“Thanks” he took the glass jar of salt from her.

“We should watch ‘A Quiet Place’ tonight,” Haz suggested.

“No. we are going to watch ‘Letters to Juliette’.”

“Y/N, we have seen that movie a hundred times”

“Well make it hundred and one because we are watching it again, tonight”

“Why do you get to choose the movie?”

“Because I’m the pregnant wife here, Haz”, she got on her tippy toes to kiss his forehead.

---

“I want a divorce”, she whispered, loud enough to be heard.

“What?” he looked up at her with the most polarizing gaze.

He heard her. She knew that. She refused to repeat it, she thought if she did, he would win, in some weird way he would win the fiercest fight of their marriage.

“Is this what you do every night when you are not at home, with me? Stay out and drink your pettiness away?” Y/N said, pulling her hair down.

“Is this what you do every night when I’m not home, go to fancy shit with him?”

“Do not bring him into this”, she was stern.

“Come on, say it. Say his name. Say that you are in love with him”, he was poaching her.

“Fine. I love Tom, more than I ever loved you. But this is not about him. He has nothing to do with this sinking ship.” The claws were out.

“Oh honey, you punched the hole. You hurt me”, a mad man said. “You mean to say that you fucking him has nothing to do with us?”

“You should be more hurt that I had a good laugh with him”

She took the dagger out of his back and plunged it straight into his heart. He said nothing. Bleeding out on the floor, no whimpers were whispered.

“When you lost the kid, I was there for you. I took care of you” he said softly.

“Did you ever stop to ask me whether I wanted this kid or not?”

He looked at her confusingly.

“When I lost our child, I was honestly relieved”, she sat down on the floor opposite to him. “I was not ready for it but you were so joyous that I couldn’t say anything. I realized that I was so toxically in love with you, that I was ready to grow a piece of you in me, that I wanted to lose. Our love that seemed so healthy was just in shambles.”

Tears were streaming down both of their faces.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” he moved forward and rubbed her knee.

“I just couldn’t” she said between sobs.

“And now you have to go. It’s okay. I get it.” He took her in his chest, letting Y/N cry her heart out.

“Hey, just like Passenger sang, ‘you’ll only know you love her if you let her go” he tried to be funny for her. And it worked. Y/N scuffed out air, a sad attempt to laugh.

“I will always care for you, Haz”, she looked him in the eyes, the stream of tears never stopping.

“I know”, a deep sigh heard. “I know, I know.” He said stroking her cheek.

@mysticapples17 @storybookholland @flqwsome @hollandstanevans

[ghostsray]

Ch10: Corruption

(first - prev - next) (ao3)

"I don't get it," Kwan said from his seat at the A-listers table. "That mayor's kid only showed up for half a week and then suddenly disappeared."

Paulina shrugged. "He was homeschooled, wasn't he? Maybe he has, like, social anxiety or something. I mean, he barely talked to anyone on those days he was here."

"Still, I wonder how he's doing," Star said. "Do you think he got in trouble for that rumor about Vlad and the Fentons?"

Dash snorted. "As if either of Fenton's parents would hook up with Masters. His kid's probably just crying at home for being such a loser."

While the A-listers talked among themselves, our trio of friends sat several tables over. Maybe it was ghost-powered enhanced senses, but Danny was able to hear their conversation over the bustle of the school cafeteria. He looked down at his tray, but he didn't feel very hungry at the moment.

Sam paused from her salad to look at him. "Still worried?"

Danny bit his lip. "It's just, I haven't seen or heard from Niel ever since..."

He didn't need to continue. He had told his friends about what happened, and they knew what he was referring to.

"Dang," Tucker said. "I mean, we all knew that Vlad sucked, but it's sad that Niel had to find out that way." He looked at Sam and asked, "You haven't heard from him, either?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. Not even a text."

"You guys text?"

"Used to, apparently."

Danny shifted in his seat. "Maybe I should check in on Vlad's mansion. Niel could be in trouble."

"I doubt it," Sam said. "Vlad wouldn't hurt Niel after being so public about his so-called "adoption" of him. It would ruin his image."

Danny had to admit, that did make sense. Still...he couldn't shake how terrified Niel had seemed when he dropped by his basement with a melting Danielle in tow. Niel had disappeared into the portal after that, and Danny hadn't seen him since.

He wanted to share these thoughts with his friends, but he was stopped when a sudden cold gripped at his spine before escaping through his mouth in a puff of blue mist. The mist wasn't as easily visible to humans as it was to ghosts and half-ghosts, but Sam and Tucker had grown to recognize the stiffness in Danny's back that always accompanied his ghost sense.

"Go," Sam told him. "We'll think of a way to cover for you if you take long."

Danny nodded. He cast a quick glance over the cafeteria. As usual, nobody paid any attention to the three losers, and the ghost he sensed didn't appear to be in this room. Danny left his seat and sprinted outside.

Once in the hallway, he let his ghost sense puff out again and watched as it wisped down the hallway and around a corner. He'd gotten good at controlling his ghost sense into letting him know where the ghost was with more precision. He followed the blue mist until he stopped when the tingling in his spine grew alarming. The ghost was nearby.

He turned his head around. The hallway was empty, but the entrance to the biology lab stood next to him. Cautiously, he opened the door an inch and peeked inside, then threw it wide open when he saw the figure slumped on the floor against one wall.

"Dani?" he said, because that was whom his mind first went to when he saw the pool of ectoplasm growing from the ghost. But after a closer look, he determined that whoever it was definitely wasn't Danielle.

Then the ghost raised its molten face, and Danny inhaled sharply and said, "Niel?"

It was him, all right. The clone he had been worrying over just a few seconds ago...and seeing how he looked, Danny had a feeling that his worrying was justified.

Danny landed on his knees next to the boy and asked, "What happened?"

Niel looked terrible, both because of the whole melting thing and because he was crying. He was sniffling and blinking teary eyes as he said, "I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to trust Vlad."

"Vlad..." Danny cursed and said, "You were supposed to be his prime clone. If he saw you destabilizing and knew you were imperfect--"

Niel shook his head. "He promised he can fix me."

"What? Then why didn't you let him?"

"I--" His eyes released more tears and one of his hands turned completely into goo as he said, "I don't know."

Danny wanted to know what happened, but he figured now was not the time for questions. "It's fine. The Ecto-Dejecto worked for Dani, so it'll probably work for you, too." He hesitated and asked, "Can you stand?"

Niel tried to push himself up. His limbs wobbled before he slipped on his own ectoplasm and dropped back down. So that was a no. Danny wrapped his arm under Niel's arms, ignoring how slippery he was, and hoisted him up.

Danny knew class was about to start soon, but it seemed that he would be skipping...again. That sucked, considering how many credits he had to make up for, but Niel's problem was much more important at the moment. He was just about to go ghost and carry them both home when the whine of an ecto-gun suddenly grabbed his attention.

He turned to the door and widened his eyes before hurriedly pushing Niel behind him and greeting, "Val!"

Valerie stood in the doorway, ecto-gun in hand. She raised an eyebrow. It was pretty obvious that she could still see Niel despite Danny's weak effort to hide him. "Why are you helping a ghost?" she asked.

"Ghost? What ghost?" Danny said with a nervous chuckle. He sent Niel a glare, silently telling him, Why aren't you turning invisible?!

Too late, Valerie had already seen him. "Danny..."

Danny sighed. He raised one hand in a placating gesture and said, "Look, he's not harming anyone. He's hurt."

"I wouldn't be so sure," Valerie replied with narrowed eyes. "His ecto-level reading is off the charts."

Was it? That seemed strange, considering how weak Niel appeared, but he supposed it would make sense for him to have inherited Phantom's overpoweredness.

"Anyway, aren't you supposed to be super terrified of ghosts or something?" Valerie pointed out, looking at Danny weirdly. "Or do you always run away from ghost encounters just because?

"Oh, um..." He chuckled again and rubbed his neck, trying furiously to think of a valid excuse. "Uh..." He pointed accusingly at her and shouted, "You're a ghost hunter!"

Valerie's eyes widened before she hid her gun behind her back and said with a nervous smile, "Of course not! I'm just carrying around a gun for safety. You know how often this school gets attacked by ghosts."

"Uh huh. If it was for self-defense, then why did you seek the ghost out instead of letting Phantom take care of him?"

"Phantom is a ghost, too. I don't trust him."

"So you are a ghost hunter!"

"And you're not terrified of ghosts!"

Both of them looked sheepish as they realized they had no way of backing themselves up.

They might have stood there awkwardly forever if Valerie's eyes hadn't drifted to the wall behind Danny. She cursed and exclaimed, "Great! The ghost got away!"

Danny turned around and found that Niel was gone. Additionally, there was a vaguely Niel-shaped coating of ectoplasm on the wall where he may have phased through. Danny was relieved that Niel got away from Valerie, but he really hoped he was okay.

Valerie walked until she stood in front of the wall, unobstructed by Danny's view. While she wasn't looking at him, Danny took this opportunity to run out the lab. Valerie's head whipped around as she heard him sprint.

She called out his name, but Danny was already down the hallway. He hid in the nearest broom closet he could find and transformed. Invisible, Phantom flew out the school and began searching for Niel.

Turns out that wasn't very hard. All he had to do was follow the trail of ectoplasm that led down the street. Danny's gut twisted. He really, really hoped Niel was okay.

Danny followed the trail until he stopped in front of the Nasty Burger a couple of blocks away. Niel was hiding behind a shrub in the parking lot. Danny was so relieved when he saw him that he let out a deep breath.

Niel flinched in surprise and started looking around frantically before Danny dropped his invisibility with a chuckle. "It's okay, it's just me! Jeez, I know you had to get away from Val, but you didn't have to travel this far."

Niel didn't reply. He averted his gaze from Danny and curled up, bringing his knees to his chest. Even though it was just Danny, his eyes still had that haunted look to them, and he was shivering--which didn't do much good for his melting.

Danny knew he needed to calm Niel down before he stressed himself into a puddle of goo. He gently landed next to the clone and said, "Wanna talk?"

Danny almost expected him to keep quiet, but Niel answered, "What is there to talk about other than the fact that my life utterly sucks?"

Okay, so Niel was going through some problems. He could see that. He cracked a smile and said, "Hey, join the club. My life--or half-life, at least--sucks, too."

He meant that as a joke to lift the mood, but he realized too late that it probably wasn't what Niel needed to hear. The other boy glared at him and said, "Your life sucks? You have a family who loves you, best friends, Sam probably likes you--"

"What?"

"--and you don't have a homicidal maniac for a dad!"

After that angry response, Niel buried his face into his arms and continued to sob. Okay. So Danny probably needed to approach this with gentle sympathy, and not stupid jokes.

"I mean...have you met my dad?" Dammit Danny why do you have to suck at comforting people. He really wished Jazz were here instead. She was at college, although it was Friday, so she'd probably be visiting home that day. If only she were here sooner.

Niel lifted his head long enough to glare at him, and Danny sighed and admitted, "No, you're right. Your dad is much worse than my parents." He frowned as a realization dawned on him, and he said, "Wait, I thought you hated my parents."

Whatever he said, it wasn't the right thing. Niel clenched his jaw and balled his hands (or hand and a half, considering one of them was little more than a blob of ectoplasm at this point) into fists. "I don't know! I don't..."

"Hey, dude, it's cool," Danny said quickly. He tried to rub Niel's back for comfort--that was what Jazz always did to him whenever he had a mental breakdown--but when he touched his body, he instantly recoiled as a shock went through his fingers. A static shock? Wait, but Niel was in ghost form. That didn't make sense.

Niel brushed him off and messily stood up, fist(s) by his sides. "I'm just...so sick of everything! I was supposed to be made to replace you, you know, but I get nothing from your perfect life."

Danny froze and let out a nervous chuckle. "You don't, like...actually care about replacing me, though. Right?" He stood beside him and added, "By the way, I wasn't kidding when I said my life sucked. Sure, your life may seem terrible right now, but nobody's life is perfect..."

"Shut up!" Niel shouted and thrust a hand in Danny's direction. Danny had just enough time to duck and dodge Niel's ecto-beam--wait, no, that wasn't an ecto-beam. That was...a bolt of lightning? The lightning hit the restaurant building behind Danny, and he heard several things crack and people scream. He turned around and saw that the windows had burst. Smoke was billowing out, and Danny was pretty sure that wasn't from the cooking.

Danny turned back to stare at Niel, but the boy didn't seem shocked or guilty from what he'd done. He didn't seem anything at all, actually. His eyes were distant, unseeing. His chest still heaved, which did nothing to stop his gradual liquefaction.

Oh god oh frick. Danny wanted to slap Niel in the face multiple times, but he had to save those inside the restaurant. He zoomed toward the building and peeked in through the broken glass.

Thankfully, due to the time of day--when most people were at school or working--there weren't many people inside. Those who were there were rushing out the door. They reached the outdoor safely without his help, and Danny was just about to accept that he wasn't needed when a flame grew with a roar in front of him. He stumbled back and landed on his butt before picking himself up again.

Now that he noticed it, all the lights inside the building had burst and were sending sparks across the room, many of which caught on wooden furniture and gave birth to fire. The sprinkler system must have still been broken from the last ghost fight, though he didn't know if that would have helped anyway.

The smoke blowing at him was suffocating. He covered his mouth and nose with a gloved hand and backed away. He was in ghost form; he knew he didn't need to breathe. A small part of his brain that spoke in Jazz's voice told him his suffocation was purely psychological, but that didn't make him any less reluctant to breathe the fire in.

His eyes stung. He blinked furiously as the sight before him sunk in. He was at the Nasty Burger. The Nasty Burger was on fire. He was at the Nasty Burger, and the Nasty Burger was on fire. A numb paralysis spread through his body and squeezed his chest and he still couldn't breathe. He was at the Nasty Burger, the Nasty Burger was on fire, his friends and family were dead and his older self was laughing menacingly, eyes flaring red and fangs glinting in the fire--

No. No! Danny had to physically shake his head to shove that memory away. Dan wasn't here! His alternate future self was trapped safely inside a thermos in Clockwork's lair. His friends and family were alive. The Nasty Burger still hadn't blown up. Clockwork erased that timeline!

Or did he?

Danny focused his eyes and saw Niel still standing in the same spot, still staring at the fire dazedly. His eyes were flaring red, his mouth was open slightly to reveal his fangs. His skin was blue and his cape billowed and his hair seemed to wisp at the edges like it was made of fire.

Danny told himself that Niel wasn't Dan. But how could he be sure he won't turn into him? Niel was already jealous of Danny's life; how could he be sure that the clone won't take his place then proceed to do the same decisions Danny had done in that dark timeline? How could he know that Niel won't become corrupted?

"Not him," Danny found himself mumbling. "Please. Not him."

Niel must have heard him, because he turned his head slightly toward him with a frown, like he was just beginning to wake. Another roar came from the building as the fire ate through the walls, and Niel blinked and suddenly jolted awake from his stupor. His eyes finally focused on the image before him, and they widened. Had he done that? he seemed to wonder.

"Ice," he said, then turned to Danny seriously and shouted, "Use your ice!"

Danny didn't hear him. He was having his own little breakdown when Niel placed a goopy hand on his shoulder and brought him back to the real world. Danny flinched and shoved Niel away. Niel looked hurt, but Danny didn't care. Away, he wanted to stay away from that, that ghost--

Wait. What had he said? Ice? Danny wanted to slap himself and laugh at the same time. Of course, he had ice powers now! He didn't have them when he first faced off against Dan, but he did have them now. He could put out the fire before the whole place exploded.

Oh shoot the place could explode. Danny rushed inside, through the thick smoke and fire. He summoned his ice powers to the surface and began to freeze everything in sight. He may or may not have used a little more ice than necessary, but his goal was reached; the fires were put out. Just to be extra sure, he made certain that the vat of Nasty Sauce was cool, along with any heater or chemical that could have exploded in heat, before he finally allowed himself to slump in relief and floated back outside.

As soon as he made it out, he was tackled by Niel's melting form, whose ectoplasm was splattered all over Danny as he hugged him. Danny's first instinct was to go absolutely still, but then Niel sobbed and said, "I'm sorry! I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't mean to!"

Once Danny got over his shock, he brought his hand to Niel's back. Rubbing it didn't yield great results, considering how goopy and sticky Niel's body was, so Danny just patted him gently and said, "It's okay. No one got hurt."

Niel sniffled and pulled away. Seeing him, Danny was filled with immense guilt. How could he possibly have even considered that Niel could be Dan? Dan would never feel bad about what he had done. There was no way Niel could become corrupted enough into becoming a genocidal murderer. He was too sad, and too small.

Also, he was currently turning into a puddle. Danny probably ought to do something about that. "Hey, come on. We still need to get to my parents' lab to fix you up," Danny told him.

Niel nodded wordlessly. He let Danny do his best to hold him in his dissolving form, and the half-ghost carried them both to Fentonworks, the frozen-over restaurant shrinking behind them as they left.

[wasalwaysagreatpickle]

Saturday 10 September 1831

6 25/..

12 50/..

Fahrenheit 62˚ and fine morning now at 6 40/.. – out at 7 50/.. in walking towards Charles Howarth’s to go to Upper Brea and Hough, met John Oates – spoke about the drain through Wellroyde holmes – John said he himself paid my uncle Joseph £50, but knew nothing about Tommy Clark ever paying £100 – did not think he did pay him such sum? – 

Walked on with John till turned down the old Godley road and saw Mr Wilkinson in the road opposite Stump Cross Inn – he did not come on Monday morning because ‘afraid we should fratch’ about the paper I had written of agreement about the water – had felt rather annoyed about it – thought I had been at some attorney and got it made it out, for that would give me an absolute right and so that I could take it away from upper Brea and leave them without and George Robinson had absolutely done – on this said that really such was not my intention, I merely meant to have some certain right that the water should continue to run as it had been accustomed to do – as for going to an attorney, I never did anything material without consulting one – but that that paper had cost me nothing and I cared nothing about it, as a reasonable objection was stated – I wanted to gain nothing without paying a fair consideration for it, and thought it would be better to have a new paper and settle the matter if we could – if not, it might remain as it was – under the old paper I had no right at all – yes! said Mr Wilkinson but it was forfeited Mr Norris said by my uncle Joseph’s refusing to pay – well! said I, pay or not, it is good for nothing to me – you say it is 16 or 17 years since my uncle refused to pay – I will pay if you like, and ask you for no receipt – or let it alone – 

Mr Wilkinson then mentioned that we should have a certain quantity as much as would run through a certain calibre – well! said I, you can settle it with my steward Mr Briggs – but at rates, you need not fear my fratching, and you must come and take a glass of wine the next time I come – and so we parted very good friends – I mentioned that Tommy Clark and young James Holt had been to me about the drain through Wellroyde holmes, and I should be obliged to Wilkinson to let me see what sort of paper he had given them – oh! yes he would speak to Joseph and there would be no difficulty, he thought, about that – 

Then walked forwards down the old bank – called at Mr Parker’s office – said there was no admittance with Wilkinson’s coal papers – no! because they had made a mistake when my uncle Joseph bought the coal and conveyed it as copyhold – whereas they found the land was freehold – then went to the bank – saw Mr Rawson – very good friends – very sorry I had not seen his mother – going away tomorrow after church – he thought I should be quieter in France than they would here – no trade – people turning off the workpeople - there be a sad winter – said I had near gone to spend the winter with a friend in Spain, but the journey so long, and sure to be robbed near Madrid and Seville that we had given it up – said I let off his gamekeeper as easily as for example’s sake I could – better for us all to keep people in some sort of order – Took £50 in cash and £5 bank of England notes, and a bill at sight on his banker in London for £200 

so that I have now left there only one hundred and five pounds fourteen shillings – 

Rung twice at Mr Saltmarshe’s door, but nobody came so off again to Mr Parker’s, and paid his bill (in full for everything done and doing e.g. George Robinson’s lease) of £39, and home (up the old bank) at 10 1/4 – breakfast with my aunt at 10 50/.. – 

A little after 11 James Critchley Holt called upon me bringing 2 copies of memoranda of our agreement to insure them against being disturbed in keeping up the drain through Wellroyde Holmes – brought also a copy of the deed from Wilkinson – indenture dated 20 December 1816 selling absolutely and for ever for £100 received the right and privileges necessary to make and maintain the drain, paying a reasonable consideration for damage done – Declined giving any such deed or even signing the memorandum of agreement – said the statement of Mr T Clark’s himself paying £100 to my uncle Joseph was not borne out by his, my uncle’s, accounts – I had carefully examined them from 1808 up to the last receipt entirely in his own hand writing dated 22 October 1817 and could find only the 2 following entries which he might copy – but then if you like I will copy them myself and you may shew them to Mr Clark – then took the other copy of memorandum of agreement (which he took away with him) and wrote on the back ‘I have carefully examined my uncle’s accounts and find nothing respecting the matter in question but the two following entries

1816 - September 7 ‘Received of John Green and co. in part for driving a drain up Wellroyde Homes 32.5.0

1817 - April 29 Received T Clark and J Green and co. for driving the drain up Wellroyde Holmes in full 25.0.0

Shibden Hall. Saturday 10 September 1823 Anne Lister’ 

Then soon afterwards the man might make some confusion – might fancy I had given him some right – sent George to try and overtake him and ask him to come back – but (now at 2 p.m.) have heard nothing of either of them – finished my breakfast, and then before leaving my aunt wrote on the back of the other copy of the memorandum of agreement that Holt had left with me and underneath the copy of what I had written (vide line 25 et seq. last page) for Holt on his paper – the following ‘James Holt called on me between 11 and 12 this morning – I said it was not my intention to disturb the drain, but I would convey no privileges whatsoever, and declined signing the agreement or memorandum of agreement drawn up on the other side of this paper – as Mr T Clark’s statement that he himself had paid my uncle £100, was not borne out by my uncle’s books I had examined from 1800 up to last receipt entry in my uncle’s own handwriting, dated 22 October 1817, and could only find the 2 entries copied out above – I said I was sure my uncle would not have given any conveyance like that from Wilkinson – Mr T Clark said the other day (Wednesday last) that my uncle had immediately asked for how long they wanted the privileges; and, if, on being told ‘till Swaine’s coal was got’, he made no objection, this shews, he had no intention of granting privileges for ever – Shibden Hall. Saturday 10 September 1831’ – 

I shall have this document in the tin box with my papers – at the top and write to Mr Briggs about it – Mr William Priestley called while Holt was here and I left Holt and went and sat with Mr William Priestley and my aunt a few minutes to take my leave and say what I was about at that moment and that I was going tomorrow afternoon, and send my regards and civilités and amitiés to Mrs William Priestley and regrets that I could not see her again – said we had taken into serious consideration the difficulties of going to Spain, and given it up – 

Told my father and Marian all that had passed about Holt’s concern, and came up to my room at 1 1/4 and wrote all this of today, till 2 20/.. – tiresome to have all this to do now that I am on the eve of departure for who knows how long – Mr Parker said this morning he thought my father much altered – another year or 2 would try him much – said yes! I thought so too, and on that account had meant to have remained here till December at least – probably till spring – but I had really no option – my staying did not suit the family arrangements – 

From 2 20/.. to 6 settled with Cordingley about things she should get for me at Halifax had Thomas Pearson’s wife for 10 minutes or 1/4 hour breaking out a door for her out of their back kitchen on which much has been said before – If I will allow £2, Pearson will do the rest – did not promise but said I had a little bill to pay him and if he would come and bring it tomorrow early we would see – 

Wrote and copied 2 1/2 pages to Mr Briggs giving a clear statement of the Clark and Holt business, and telling I had seen Mr Wilkinson this morning, and to call on him and settle the matter as well as he could – the paper my grandfather signed far worse than nothing to me – and telling him to pay my subscription to the Halifax philosophical society (2 guineas a year I suppose) if called on for it – and saying that John Oates had begged a good [strong] [gate] of me this morning – 

Then wrote and copied civil note of compliments to Mr Norris saying I was going tomorrow afternoon on my return to the continent and if he heard more of Mr Emmett’s bit of ground to be so good as make the communication to Mr James Briggs – then wrote and copied a civil note of compliments and thanks to Dr Kenny for his note which waited my return home – sorry not to have had the pleasure of seeing but sure if my aunt wanted his advice professionally nothing that skill and attention could do would be wanting – compliments (too) to Mrs Kenny – 

Then wrote to (and copied) letter to Mr Scott hoping he would have a vacancy for Joseph Booth, and I should be obliged by his taking him – to write to my aunt Mrs Lister, Shibden Hall, near Halifax who would send the boy off – ‘He is not tall, or very stout of his age, but quiet, and well principled, and obliging, and will do the best he can – you will be so good as make what ever terms with him you think he deserves, and I hope, will have reason to be satisfied’ – 

Wrote the last 19 lines long talk to Cordingley about George – mentioned his drinking and parting with him for that – Dinner at 7 3/4 and at 7 3/4 sent George off with my note (in envelope) to ‘Mr James Briggs Horton Street’ and note to ‘James Edward Norris Esquire, Savile Hill’ and note to ‘Dr Kenny, Barum-top’ and my letter to ‘Mr Scott Whitewall corner, Malton Postage Paid’ 

Mr Parker sent up George Robinson’s lease of the mill which I signed – Settled with Charles Howarth junior for mending fencing (railing). Had Mrs Robinson in the midst of dinner to ask if George needed go down to Mr Parker’s tonight to sign the lease – no – so late now it would do on Monday – Had Robert Scholefield and paid him – a little before 9 Mr Parker sent back again the lease, saying George Robinson would call him tonight to sign – Sent for John Booth and sent him with it to Lower Brea, and he brought it back signed by Mr George Robinson sat talking from 9 1/2 to 10 to my father and the rest – 

Came to my room at 10 1/4 – settled with Cordingley and George – adjusting my papers to take away till near 12 – fine morning – showers in the afternoon – Fahrenheit 65˚ now at 11 55/.. tonight.

[awhilesince]

Monday, 20 December 1830

7

12 5/60

Fahrenheit 37° at 7 1/2 and eve-dropping morning and dirty streets – out at 7 55/60 – walked as far as the muette gate of the bois de B– (Boulogne) and back at 10 – musing all the way not very happily this getting into society plan will not answer and yet genes me I have not money enough how get a companion to suit me and how go without one we all have our troubles but I like most others have made mine myself no difficulties when it ravelled with Mrs Barlow now I must have man and maid hardly know any body and met know too many for dependence – Dressed – breakfast at 10 40/60 in 3/4 hour – paid George his wages – settled Cameron’s book – paid my aunt for letters and newspapers in my absence – wrote the above of today till 12 10/60 – then till near 2, wrote (broad black edged 1/2 sheet smallish sired note paper) 3 pages very nearly, very small and close to Miss Pickford, and 4 pages to Miss Hobart – to the former to say I knew not where to direct to her, and was almost afraid to write at all but hoped the people at Geneva would forward the letter – received one from her at Toulouse 30 October but ‘have unluckily mislaid it, and …. my memory is not at all clear about what you asked me’ – did not write in October because waited my return home and not even then (in October) sure whether a letter would find her at Geneva or not – got back on the 14th – annoyed to find a 2nd letter from her had been set after me which I had written about in vain – found the small packet costing 10/. brought by nobody knew whom – If she ever received this note to answer it as soon as she can, and tell me where to find her – In

‘mourning for my deeply regretted friend Miss Mac L– (MacLean) ….. Had my mind been less engrossed with this affliction, I should have written as I am writing now, some weeks sooner –’ found my aunt marvelously well – I left Paris 20th of July, was away 4 months – to have hasted my return, would have been quite useless; and my aunt earnestly begged me not to think of it – we first heard of the ordonnances at Bordeaux, and first heard of the events that followed them at Pau – we spent the summer among the Pyrennees, and returned by Marseilles, Toulon, Hières, the Rhone, and Burgundy – I do not pretend to give you political news – the fate of the ex-ministers will soon be determined – a great many people are greatly alarmed – I cannot include myself among the numbers – I am too uncertain of their getting this to care to write more – my aunt begs her kind regards – ever, my dear Miss Pickford, affectionately and very truly yours AL– Anne Lister’

In my letter to V– (Vere) say the barèges went by the duchess de Dino

‘It delights me to find you wanted such a thing; but frightens me to wonder whether you will really like it, or not – ….. the weather here is become severe, tho’ thawing today – Fahrenheit was 2 degrees below the freezing point yesterday when I went out to take my walk to the bois de Boulogne at half past seven in the morning! I fear this is more hardi than the other – much other is still all talk, for I have had too much of one thing or other to keep me at home, to allow of my luxuriating in literally ease at the jardin – But walk I must – to walk is to me a tiresome, an abominable, an imperious necessity – was that I could sit still, and be quiet! ‘tis sometimes all I wish, till schemes of Travelling wind up my inclinations to a higher pitch – I am askamed to say, I feel a sad blank – Have you got the picture? You know I am very anxious to have it well copied –

from freezing point to ashamed to say inclusive forms the whole of the second page at 1 40/60 sent off my letter to ‘William Duffin Esquire Micklegate York, Angleterre’ 3 pages and long ends and under the seal all, but particularly the ends, very small and close writing – written on Thurday and Friday all, but a few lines mentioning the death of poor Miss Mac L– (MacLean), on the subject of my journey – amusingly done enough – yesterday and this morning my aunt copied all but the ends and under the seal which I did myself in about half hour just before sending it off – at 3 40/60 sent off my letter to ‘Miss Hobart the honorable Lady Stuart’s, Whitehall’ and to ‘Mademoiselle Mademoiselle Pickford, Chemin des Philosophes no. 282, Plain Palais, Genève’ – and at 3 40/60 had done the journal so far of today – dawdling over 1 thing or other till 4 40/60 then Till 6 at Italian Translating it into French – dinner at 6 10/60 – read the paper –

came to my room at 8 1/2 – did a little more at Italian – asleep for 1/2 hour – coffee at 9 1/2 – then in the drawing room till 10 3/4 (i. e. 1 1/4 hour) making out rough draft of the 1st 8 days of this volume – rained almost all the way as I went this morning andsome part of the way returning – afterwards tolerably fine day – Fahrenheit 39° now at 11 at which hour came to my room – wrote out rough draft of 9, 10 and 11 March of this volume till 11 20/60

(SH:7/ML/E/13/0126) (SH:7/ML/E/13/0127)

[pinktintedmonocle]

Blue Is Not The Only Colour - A Red Dwarf FanFic - Chapter 3 - NFSW

Lister and Rimmer finally get down to business but the sex is somewhat hampered by the presence of Holly and the size of their bed.

Chapter 3: The Bunk

Lister strode purposely down the corridor, breathing deeply.  His heart was beating so fast that it felt as if it was attempting to escape from his body with all the desperation of a Tory MP trying to get away from a member of the working class.

When he got to the entrance to their quarters he took a final deep lungful of air.  He could do this, he could fix his relationship with Rimmer.  He had to fix it; the alternative of spending the rest of his life in a kind of cold war with the hologram, sharing nothing more than the occasional venomous look, was too painful to even think about.

Lister pressed the button on the wall and the doors slid open.  He took a few tentative steps into the room and paused by the table.  Rimmer was curled up in his bunk, his front facing the wall.

“Hey Rimmer”, he said softly.  “Are you asleep?”

“Yes.” Rimmer replied croakily.

Lister sighed.  “Come on, man, I just want to talk to you.”

The hologram huffed and turned over but pointedly avoided making eye contact with Lister.  “What do you want to talk about?”

“About us, Rimmer.  We need to talk about us.”

Rimmer snuffled and pulled the duvet cover up tighter around his chin.  “I don’t know what we’ve got left to talk about.  You’ve had your bit of fun at my expense.”

Lister frowned in confusion. “Fun at your – Rimmer, what are you on about?”

“Your big joke, Listy!” Rimmer spat back.  “I must say, it was a whopper!  Definitely a step up from your usual favourite gag of leaving one of your socks between the pages of Napoleon’s diaries so every time I pick it up for a spot of bedtime reading it flops onto my face like a tiny stink bomb.”

Lister just stared at the hologram.  “Rimmer, I really don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Rimmer swung his legs over the side of the bed, stood up and strode over to the console by the door. He started pushing random buttons, eyes glued to the screen.  “Of course you do!  It’s the jape of the century.  Holly would be proud!  Convince poor sad Rimmer that you might actually return his pathetic feelings and ask him out on a date, only to feed him disgustingly flavoured food and then insult him until his leaves.  Hilarious! I’m surprised you’re not still crying with laughter about it!  I bet you had a good chuckle with Kryten and the Cat after I left.  I bet you were all slapping your thighs and howling with mirth.”

Lister’s mouth fell open in shock and it was a few seconds before he found he could speak again. “Oh Rimmer, you don’t really think it was all just a joke do you?”

Rimmer continued to pretend to work on the console.  “Of course! And how hysterical it was!  Side splitting, pant wetting levels of hilarity! Now if you’ll excuse me I’ve got some work to do.”

“Rimmer, it wasn’t a joke!” exclaimed Lister.  “Do you really think I’d be that cruel, that heartless?”

Rimmer whirled around to face Lister, his features contorted in an ugly snarl.  “Why not?  I mean, you don’t actually like me do you?  Nobody really likes me.  Nobody ever has and nobody ever will so I would appreciate it if you could just stop pretending and sod off.”

“I’m not pretending!” Lister yelled.  “I love you Rimmer, I really do!  I feel the same about you as you feel about me, and I’m sorry our date was such a smegging disaster but I really think we can work this out if we just talk about it!”

Rimmer scoffed and crossed his arms defensively.  “I was on to you from the very start of this gag and I only turned up for that joke of a date to see how far you’d actually take it.  I don’t have any feelings for you Listy.  I don’t know where you got that idea from but I’m afraid you’re sorely mistaken miladdo!”

“I got it from you, Rimmer, just a minute ago!” countered Lister.  “You said that you thought I was trying to make you think I returned your pathetic feelings.  Except that they’re not pathetic and I do return them Rimmer!”

“Stop it!” screamed Rimmer, and Lister noticed that his bottom lip had started to tremble and his eyes had filled with tears.  “Stop giving me false hope!  Do you have any idea how painful this is for me, having you tell me that you love me and calling me your moon and holding my face like you did in the lift and asking me on pretend dates?  I can’t do this anymore Listy.  I know I’m already dead but it’s killing me, this constant cycle of making me feel wanted and then treating me like something you just scraped off the bottom of your boot after clomping around the diesel decks.  I can’t do it anymore, I can’t do it, I can’t-”

Rimmer’s rant was cut short by the sudden presence of Lister’s lips on his own.  Lister brought up a hand to gently cup the hologram’s face while he rested the other on Rimmer’s waist.  For several seconds Rimmer seemed to be frozen, his mouth not responding at all to the kiss.  Lister was just about to pull away when an arm snaked around his back and pulled his closer.  Rimmer’s lips parted to allow Lister’s tongue entrance to his mouth and they stumbled back, Lister’s arse colliding with the table.  Lister’s groan of pain quickly turned to pleasure as Rimmer deepened the kiss. The hologram spun Lister around and pressed him down into the lower bunk.  Lister could feel the beginning of Rimmer’s erection pressing into his thigh and the sensation made Lister’s own cock start to harden.

The kiss was desperate and messy and perfect; it was everything Lister had imagined it would be and more.  He hadn’t felt this happy since the day in the orphanage when he’d been told there was a family who wanted to adopt him.  He felt lightheaded and dizzy with what he initially thought was joy, but as his lungs started to ache he realised that it was more likely oxygen deprivation. He broke the kiss reluctantly, gasping for air.  He opened his eyes to find Rimmer staring at him in awed silence.  After a few deep breaths Lister’s face cracked into a wide grin. “Now do you believe me, Rimmer?”

Lister half expected the hologram to start shouting at him again, but instead Rimmer just nodded mutely before clearing his throat.  “Yes, well, I must say the evidence you have provided is quite convincing.  But are you sure?  Don’t you want to get to know each other a bit more before we take this any further?”

Lister rolled his eyes. “Rimmer, we’ve been getting to know each other for thirty years!  So just shut up and kiss me again, alright?”

“Alright” agreed Rimmer, and their lips glued themselves back together.  

As the kiss became more heated, Lister’s hands started to wander around Rimmer’s body.  He’d thought the hard light body felt good in the lift, but now that Rimmer was actually on top of him and they were touching all over, Rimmer’s body felt amazing. It was smooth and cool and that lovely low grade thrum of electrical current seemed to pulse in tandem with the beat of Lister’s heart.  As he trailed a hand down Rimmer’s slim waist he began to think about what Rimmer would look like naked.  He hadn’t seen his Rimmer nude since the psi-moon and that had been years before. Presumably the software that caused Rimmer’s face to age also affected the rest of him, and Lister found himself wondering exactly how Rimmer’s body would have changed.  As he contemplated this Lister allowed one of his hands to crawl slowly up Rimmer’s left thigh.  When he reached Rimmer’s groin he gently cupped his erection.  The hologram let out a small yelp and broke their kiss.

“You OK, Rimmer?” Lister asked.

“Yes, I’m fine – I - I just – look, can we just stop for a moment?” Rimmer stuttered.

After finally getting the object of his affection into bed after so many years the last thing Lister wanted to do was stop, but there was a look in Rimmer’s eyes that told him something was not quite right.  “Of course man”, he said.  

Rimmer rolled off Lister onto his side and propped his head up on one hand.  Lister followed suit and they lay nose to nose on the narrow bed.

“Look” said Rimmer, seeming more uncomfortable than a politician who had been tasked with having to read out a particularly large number on TV.  “It’s not that I don’t want to have sex with you.  It’s just that I’m not entirely sure … how”.

Lister frowned.  “What do you mean?  Look, I know you haven’t had many partners but you have had sex before Rimmer.”

“Yes, but never with a man!” exclaimed Rimmer.  He looked down, clearly embarrassed.  “I don’t really know where to start.”

“Ok”, Lister replied slowly, trying to think of a way to put Rimmer at ease.  “How about you just think about how you like to be touched and then touch me like that?”

Rimmer took a deep breath. He mirrored Lister’s earlier move and rested his hand on Lister’s crotch.  Lister hummed his approval and Rimmer stroked Lister’s erection, softly at first and then a little firmer.  Lister gasped in pleasure and captured Rimmer’s lips in a deep kiss. As they kissed Lister put his own hand back on Rimmer’s crotch and lightly squeezed the hologram’s balls through his trousers.

“I think it’s time we took our clothes off.” Lister breathed.

“God yes.” Rimmer moaned. He scrunched his nose up in concentration and a split second later his uniform was gone.

“Smegging hell!” Lister exclaimed and let out a low whistle of approval.  Rimmer’s body was much as he remembered it; lean and muscular, toned to perfection after years of early morning star jumps and nervous pacing. There was a smattering of brown and grey hairs on his chest, a colour palette that was reflected in his pubic hair. Lister’s eyes widened as he stared at Rimmer’s cock.  Blimey, he thought, no wonder Ace got around so much.  

Rimmer cleared his throat. “Are you just going to gawk at me all night or are you going to remove your own clothes as well?”

Rimmer’s words snapped Lister out of his reverie.  He began to wiggle out of his own garments, a task made awkward by how close together they were in the narrow bunk.

“Give us a hand, would you?” Lister asked, his fingers fumbling as he tried to unbutton his shirt. “It’s not as easy for me as it is for you; I can’t just twitch my nose or snap my heels together and be instantly nude.”

“Right”, said Rimmer. He surveyed Lister’s body with the intensity of a general planning a complex battle strategy.  “You take the bottom half.  I’ll take the top.”

Lister nodded and shuffled out of his trousers while Rimmer made quick work of his shirt.  Soon he was down to just his pants, which he pulled off with a final flourish.  Rimmer leaned back in the bunk slightly and stared at Lister’s body.

For the first time since he’d kissed Rimmer Lister felt nervous.  He was aware that a diet of curry and beer combined with little exercise meant that he wasn’t exactly in great shape, or even in fairly OK shape.  In fact, the only shape he resembled these days was probably a circle.  As Rimmer continued to scrutinise him Lister braced himself for a crude remark so was surprised when Rimmer instead just said “You look amazing.”

Lister glanced down to check it was definitely his body that Rimmer was looking at.  “Really?” he asked.  “I mean, I’m flattered man, but your body is seriously incredible and mine is just, well-” he glanced down at his stomach and felt his cheeks redden. “A bit soft.”

Rimmer reached out and trailed a slender finger down Lister’s side, a sensation that made Lister shiver in anticipation.  “You’ve always been a bit soft.”

“Well, yeah”, Lister agreed with a grimace, “but I’m even softer than that these days.”

“I like it”, Rimmer replied. His hand skimmed down Lister’s hip and came to rest next to Lister’s cock.  “You’re gorgeous.  Just like I imagined you would be.”

“Come here, man”, Lister said breathlessly and captured Rimmer’s lips in his again before clambering on top of the hologram.  He started to grind against Rimmer, their cocks rubbing against each other.  

Rimmer let out a strangled gasp of pleasure and brought his hands up around Lister’s back to hold him closer but then quickly pulled back.  “Hang on; do we need to use protection?”

“Protection against what?” asked Lister.  “Look, I know I’ve gotten pregnant before but I think it’s pretty unlikely you’re going to get me up the duff.  A, you’re a man and B, you’re made entirely of light.  What would the baby be, a 40 watt bulb?”

“I didn’t mean pregnancy, Listy.  Look, I’ve never had sex with a human as a hologram.  I don’t know if it’s safe!  What if I ejaculate lightning and accidently fry you to a crisp?”

Lister looked down at Rimmer’s penis in alarm.  “Do you normally cum lightning?”

“Well, no” admitted Rimmer. “But you never know!  Perhaps we should use a condom.”

“Why?  If a seventy foot oak tree can be split in half by a single bolt of lightning then I don’t think a latex sheath has got much of a chance.” Lister deadpanned.  “Look, it’s fine!  Kochanski and her Lister had loads of sex and he was a hologram.  So it’s safe, alright?”

There was a polite cough from the corner of the room and both men turned their heads sharply to see Holly’s disembodied head floating on the screen.  “He’s right, you know.  It’s completely safe for a hologram and human to have unprotected sex.  No diseases can pass between them and when a hologram ejaculates nothing actually comes out.  It’s a bit like a radio play; it’s like being in the theatre but there’s bugger all to see.”

“Holly!” cried Lister. He rolled off Rimmer and clamped both of his hands to his nipples.  He realised, belatedly, that this meant his cock was still on full display.  Rimmer, apparently sensing his discomfort, used one of his own hands to cover Lister’s penis before using his other to cover one of his own nipples.  As a result they ended up in an even more compromising position than before. Lister quickly pulled the duvet cover over both of them.  “What the smeg do you think you’re doing?”

The computer seemed completely unfazed.  “Delivering important information to a crew member in order to validate a statement they’ve made.  Why, what are you two doing?  If it’s strip poker then I think both of you have lost.”

“Smeg off Holly!” Rimmer yelled, while Lister reached over the side of the bed and picked up one of his boots which he lobbed at the screen.  Holly ducked to the side as the boot hit the centre of the monitor, then turned to frown at the two occupants of the bed.  “Oi!  No need to get violent!  If you want me to leave you only have to ask politely.”

“Please leave, Holly” Lister asked through gritted teeth.

“See, that wasn’t so hard was it?” said Holly.  The monitor went black and Lister let out a long breath and flopped down, burying his face in the pillow.

“Gimboid!” Rimmer screeched at the screen.  “I’ll cut your floppy disk up into tiny pieces, cook them in tomato sauce and feed them to the skutters on Italian cuisine night!”

“Rimmer man, calm down! He’s gone now” said Lister.

Rimmer rolled onto his back and glared up at the underside of Lister’s bed.  After a few moments his anger abated and he puffed out his cheeks in frustration.

Lister threw the duvet off and ran a hand down Rimmer’s chest.  “Why don’t we just pick up where we left off?”

Rimmer grimaced and looked down at his softening cock.  “I’m afraid that goit has killed my arousal.”

“No worries”, said Lister, a wicked gleam in his eye.  “I know just how to fix that.”  Before Rimmer could say another word, Lister ducked his head down to the hologram’s groin and swallowed his penis whole.

Rimmer’s cock tasted like nothing Lister had ever experienced before.  It was a little like licking a battery, but without the sudden electric shock; instead the electricity felt warm and pleasant and ticked Lister’s tongue in a way that made his own erection, also a little deflated from Holly’s interruption, regain its hardness.  Lister dragged his tongue slowly up the shaft to the head before teasing the slit.

Beneath him, Rimmer whimpered as his hips bucked.  Lister grinned around Rimmer’s erection and cupped the hologram’s balls, squeezing them gently.  After a few minutes, Lister pulled back with a wet ‘pop’ and looked up at Rimmer.  The hologram had his eyes closed and his face was a picture of ecstasy.

“Are you enjoying that Rimmer?” Lister asked cheekily.  “’Cause you know, I can always stop if you’re not really in the mood anymore.”

Rimmer swore under his breath.  “Oh God, that feels amazing.  Don’t you dare stop, you goit.”

“You ain’t seen nothing yet”, said Lister before taking Rimmer’s cock back into his mouth.

Although Lister had generally favoured women before the accident that had left him stranded three million years into deep space, there had been a few cases where a good looking guy had turned his head.   One memorable man had introduced him to a particularly pleasurable move that had resulted in one of the most intense orgasms of Lister’s life, a technique that he now demonstrated on Rimmer.

Rimmer gave a strangled cry. “Oh God!  I don’t think I’m going to last much longer” he said breathlessly. A few more deep sucks from Lister later and Rimmer came, his whole body shaking.  Lister let go of Rimmer’s cock and pulled himself up the bed so they were lying face to face.

Rimmer stared at Lister with more love in his eyes than the Cat had when gazing at his favourite suits. Lister, already panting with arousal, felt the breath catch in his chest.

“Wow, Listy.  That was, that was…” Rimmer frowned, as if struggling to find the right words.  “…good” he finished lamely.

Lister laughed. “Thanks man.  It’s been a while so I’ll take ‘good’.  And you’re still here, you haven’t run off to re-arrange your wire collection or order a pizza, so it couldn’t have been that bad.”

“N-No!” Rimmer stuttered. “Look, I didn’t mean ‘good’ as in ‘fine’.  It’s just that I couldn’t find the right words!  Because it was better than good, Listy, it was great, it was-”

Lister clamped a hand over the hologram’s mouth.  “I know what you meant, Rimmer.  I was only teasing.  It was more than good for me too.”

Lister was half expecting a snarky comment when he removed his hand, but instead Rimmer just smiled widely and leaned in to kiss him again.  Smegging hell, he thought as Rimmer’s tongue tickled the back of his throat, if all it takes to mellow out Rimmer is a blow job we should have done this three million years ago.  Lister’s erection brushed against Rimmer’s thigh, and the hologram pulled back in surprise.

“Oh!  I almost forgot you haven’t…um, let me-” Rimmer tried to get on his knees and manoeuvre down the bunk to Lister’s crotch, but just ended up banging his head on the bottom of Lister’s bunk.

“Smeg!” yelped Rimmer, before he tried again and promptly kicked Lister in the knee.

“Ow!” Lister cried.  

“Right, sorry!” blustered Rimmer.  “Let me try again.”

This time one of Rimmer’s legs collided painfully with Lister’s left ankle.  Lister grabbed Rimmer before the hologram could hobble him further and pulled him back down so they were lying nose to nose again.

“Just use your hands Rimmer, OK?  We’ll try the other stuff next time when we’re in a bigger bed.”

“Alright”, Rimmer agreed a little petulantly, but he still took Lister in hand.  He fumbled a little at first, but soon got into a rhythm and worked Lister’s cock with cool, hard strokes.  

Lister lost himself in the sensation, enjoying the tingle of Rimmer’s fingers.  When he came he came hard, seaman splattering against his own stomach and Rimmer’s hands.

As Lister recovered, Rimmer eyed him nervously.  “Was that OK?”

“No Rimmer, it wasn’t OK.” Lister replied.  Just as Rimmer’s face crumpled Lister grinned so wide he thought his cheeks might split.  “It was fan-smegging-tastic.”  He buried his face in the hologram’s neck, laughing deliriously.

“You’re a goit, you know that?” grumbled Rimmer, voice a little muffled by Lister’s embrace.

Lister pulled back, still beaming.  “And you’re a smeghead, Rimmer.  But I wouldn’t have you any other way.”

They kissed again, slowly and languidly.  When they separated, Rimmer’s nose wrinkled as he took in the sticky sheets.

“I think we may have to move.  You’ve soiled my bedspread.”

“Alright” agreed Lister. He got up reluctantly, swigging his legs over the side of the bed and hauling himself a little stiffly to his feet. “I’ll take a shower then we’ll sleep in my bunk tonight.”

Rimmer wrinkled his nose. “On second thoughts, I think I’d rather sleep in spunk than in day old puddles of vindaloo!”

“Hey!” Lister protested. “My bed is a curry free zone!”

Rimmer raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yes!” Lister said defensively.  “Kryten changed the sheets this morning so the curry is all gone!”

Rimmer rolled his eyes. “You’re a disgusting slob of a human being, you know that Listy?”

“Yeah”, Lister agreed with another grin, “but you love me anyway.”

Rimmer sighed deeply. “Yes”, he said, “I do.”

**********************************************************************************

Later, as they lay spooning in Lister’s bunk, Rimmer ran a hand down Lister’s arm.  It seemed insane that he could just touch Lister whenever he wanted.  He still half expected Lister to turn around at any minute and reveal that it had all been a joke, then shout ‘Got you!” while Kryten and the Cat sprang out from a secret hiding place and pointed at him and laughed.  But with every moment that passed it seemed a little more real, a little more solid.

“Listy?” he said softy.

“Mmmm?”

“Earlier you said something about a bigger bed.  What did you mean?”

Lister yawned.  “Well, it doesn’t make sense does it, us sleeping separately now that we’re together?  And it seems pointless for us to share a bunk when the Captain’s quarters has an empty queen sized bed.”

“You want to move into a room where we share a bed?  Like, on a permanent basis?  Are you sure?”  Rimmer shifted uncomfortably.  “I just mean, I don’t want to rush into anything you might come to regret.”

Lister rolled over and cupped Rimmer’s cheek with his hand.  “Rimmer, I know you’ve had a smeggy time in the past with relationships, but I promise that I’m never going to leave you.  I love you, and I want to sleep in your arms every night and I’m not ever going to change my mind about that, OK?”

If Rimmer had a heart, it may have burst with happiness at Lister’s words.  Instead he just nodded, trying to fight back the happy tears that threatened to spill down his cheeks.

And that night, for the first time in his life, Arnold Judas Rimmer (Bsc, Ssc) fell asleep with a smile on his face and not a care in the world.

[indelible-stars]

So I finished reading ‘I Was Born For This’ by Alice Oseman and it was superb. Brilliant. A masterpiece. From the moment I heard about this book and what it was about I was intrigued. I’m so, so glad I won one of the giveaways and got the chance to read it early. It certainly lived up to the hype. The characters were loveable and real as Alice’s characters always are and I loved them all dearly. I wrote down my thoughts while reading so below is my stream of consciousness on what happens throughout the book.

MAJOR SPOILERS AHEAD BEWARE

MONDAY

ANGEL

• This is such a realistic meeting of two internet friends • Omg how could you do this Juliet? I'd die if this happened to me. I'd just combust on the spot or sink into the ground and stay there forever.

JIMMY

• I love,,, them? Yes boys • I want all their outfits • “If we can talk about anxiety we can talk about poo. They’re basically the same thing.” Sure sure true that true that • I love how Cecily says babe all the time. She's an icon • Our girls like our boys I love it • I already love the boys friendship so much and it's only Jimmy's first chapter

ANGEL

• Mac is such a basic bitch. There's so many guys like him that think they're original bc they like really popular slightly old bands. You're not that edgy stop.

JIMMY

• Bliss is Rowan's girlfriend???? I didn't expect that to be her role. I thought she was gonna be a fan.

ANGEL

• Mac can you go??? Or at least shut up • I like how realistic Juliet is. Like I'm annoyed on Angel's behalf but I get how she is. • I thought the ship was going to be Rowan and Lister!!! Ah but Jowan makes sense and I'm interested in how this will play into stuff • Convincing evidence...yeah they're totally together Angel...you keep telling yourself that sweetheart

JIMMY

• We're like brothers • I would actually love this band. The angel wings and aesthetic? Yes bitch fuck me up • Oh I'm glad Jimmy likes something about being in his band • I was born for this... title reference complete

TUESDAY

ANGEL

• Ah what cute platonic cuddling. Eh guys? That's what you're freaking about isn't it? Their beautiful friendship? Also it's really creepy that someone got pictures of them sleeping in their apartment. Like what? It's gross that celebrities have to go through that • I don't think you should base your point of living on a fandom relationship Angel....that might be unhealthy....Do you perchance think there's something else going on here?

JIMMY

• Note to self: never read the start of this chapter when on a plane • How Jimmy logically knows that he's not as likely to die on a plane than so many other things but is still panicked is super relatable. Like logic and anxiety do not coincide. Anxiety knows no reason • Ah what's on the iPad has been revealed! A photo taken out of context and ridiculous article • Two whole months? Damn Rowan's a tough one. I'd be annoyed at Lister too but he shouldn't have to be really careful. It's shitty that one photo can be posted and Jimmy is forced to come out. • Aw no Lister :( aw no Jimmy :( how gross and invasive that someone else took it. Fuck man. I'd be terrified • Ro Ro. • No I just want my boys to love each other and be happy and safe :(

ANGEL

• Your dad might be getting at something Angel.... • Angel and her dad are cute. I like them • Everyone watching B99 all the time. Good choice in TV show. They know what they're doing • Yeah they just might not be thrilled at the situation girls.... • That sounds like a bloody long fanfic and how could it be a fave when the prospect of solo careers is involved?!?

JIMMY

• Shit I would not want any of those worst days. They really do sound awful • A secret for 2 years? That's pretty good going. Cecily well done • “Do you think if we hired a full-time bodyguard they’d do the hoovering for us?” bitch meee. Lister has his priorities in order. • Ah yes Alex you treat Jimmy as a person. The way he deserves • That new contract doesn't sound fun...not something that Jimmy will like... • Oh god Lister you mess • Ah this interview. Make it stop. I'm clenching up for them • Go away Dave! Give them a break • Breaking news: a fictional interviewer found dead by the hands of me

ANGEL

• I read Muliet as mullet and honestly? Same thing • “I think the truth is that everyone in the entire world is confused and nobody knows much of anything at all.” Angel speaking the goddamn truth. If I've never heard a more accurate statement. • Oh god Angel has balls I'd never be able to tell someone that I think someone they like's annoying • Oh is Juliet moving away from home...is that why she feels uncomfortable talking about parents? Did something blow up for her? • Ah Angel is a big name fan account. Why am I not surprised? • J2O my drink. My go to. My one true friend. • Omg is it Bliss? Why is Bliss there? • IT IS BLISS! • I love Bliss. It's been like 2 paragraphs but I love her! • "The world's a bit shit. Can't save it all at once." • “I learn that Bliss is bisexual. She says it with such extreme confidence that I'm suddenly jealous." Angel I relate. If it ain't me. • I wonder who your boyfriend’s best friend is Bliss.... • Well shit man... Angel sweetie how can you not believe love exists if Jowan isn't real? If only you knew you were saying this to Rowan's gf • Yeah it's ironic...it's not like it's actually Rowan or anything... • Omg Mac. Dude. • I can't believe they just left without her. Well, actually I can. • Alice is so good at writing nuanced sad moments. Like you ache for the characters and it's not even like they're balling their eyes out. Their feelings are just so real and shown in such simple ways.

JIMMY

• I love the transition with the flickering lights on both sides. Jimmy's grandad sounds ace and their apartment sounds lit! • ffs Lister. I couldn't live with him • Okay I need to state my love for Bliss again • Aw no my babes. Mummy and daddy are arguing. How dare fame ruin their relationship • Oh a cute X factor winner. Intriguing • Okay never mind he can get to fuck. Piss the hell away forever Magnet • Ooh Lister and Jimmy tension. Don't fight my boys. And I really wanna know what's up with Lister. • Honestly Jimmy is me if I ever became famous. Which is why I don't want to be. I could never handle it • I love Piero with all my heart • Ohmygod Jimmy my baby imma cry

WEDNESDAY

ANGEL

• Wow Tuesday was a long day. Never mind the rest of them. I'd be collapsing by now • Fuck. No. It wasn't her! No Bliss don't think it was Angel. Oh god poor Bliss. Who leaked it? I'll bloody get em. Is it someone in there life that has access to photos that's leaking them or something?

JIMMY

• Don't take this out on Lister! • Dave can actually die. I'll kill him yet again • Why must my boys hurt like this? Give them happiness goddammit!! • Screw getting big in America that contract sounds awful

ANGEL

• Yes Angel help the poor girl. I know it's a terrible circumstance but I'm happy they'll see each other again

JIMMY

• My boys no. In pain. No. Stop treating Lister as such a third wheel you don't notice him. Stop it all. Happiness only please

ANGEL

• "I will try to remain between you and the group of scary men at all times. Most of them are shorter than me. And I'm wearing heavy boots. If they get near us, I'll just kick. Like a giraffe." • Bliss and Angel? The ultimate friendship • Yasssssss @woman tripping the paps

JIMMY

• B99 mention number 3 • Ah yes some Jimmy and Lister quality bonding time. This is what I needed • "At once?" OMG I died haha. • “Druggie bisexual slut.” • The extremely famous girl band member is someone from Little Mix I bet • Does Lister like Jimmy? All these signs. I thought I was being tricked but does he? • A 32 year old woman? Fuck that's awful • Aw lister baby no :(

ANGEL

• “Is the word you're looking for "gay? It ain't poisonous.” • Did I mention I love bliss? Her every line is iconic • Mac’s been booted

JIMMY

• B99 again • Jimmy just stand outside in the rain don't go on a walk. Please be okay. Oh god • All the adorable old people in this book. They're so pure • This is so sad. My heart is aching

THURSDAY

JIMMY

• Jimmy and Angel are gonna meet! They're gonna meet!!!! I’m kinda scared about what will happen. • #LetListerWearTheBinbag2K18 • I want Jimmy's clothes. All of the things he just mentioned? I want • Yes Rowan fuck it up with that dress!! • I love the cape moment. My boy • How can you forget your birthday Jimmy? Ah • Oh I love the boys being happy and having fun and being...boys. Yes you dance to the Killers

ANGEL

• Love isn't a lie Angel!!!

JIMMY

• Why Lister whyyy • Lister does like Jimmy! Oh jesus. So much drama. I want Jimmy to like him back. I want there to be happiness. Don't kiss him while you're in the bathroom and drunk Lister! Oh god. Fuck

ANGEL

• Something bad has happened with Juliet and probably her parents. Why don't you see that Angel? • Piss off Mac. He has a point but I still wanna punch him • Jesus so much drama. Poor Juliet. Poor everyone. Why can't they have a second of a break?

JIMMY

• I'm nervous now. What's going to happen? Something big probably is going to happen when Angel and Jimmy meet or idk

ANGEL

• WTF WTF WTF WHAT HAPPENED TO ROWAN? WTF

JIMMY

• Someone threw a brick? What? Oh Jesus no! That girl can go to hell! Fuck. How did she even manage to get away with having a brick with her?? • Make this stop. Make this stop • Cecily! Save them! • They're meeting this is it. • Oh god • She's not going to hurt you Jimmy!

ANGEL

• Ah no • Don't be scared of each other • By god I think she's got it! Yes a panic attack Angel! A panic attack. Help him please • First Bliss and now Jimmy. Angel really is the saviour • Fuck man that was one hell of a meeting

JIMMY

• Your fans aren't monsters guys. I mean some of them are but they're real people just like you. Of course they'd help you in that situation

ANGEL

• Why can't my boys and my girls all just have happiness? Give them happiness goddammit. At least some peace • My,,,heart,,,Is,,,aching

FRIDAY

ANGEL

• All the emotions in this book are so real. I feel them in my gut • No Angel don't leave this way! • Mac. It's Mac. Time for a heart to heart • Juliet my girl my gal she deserves better. I want to hug her. I can't believe some parents can just do stuff like that. • She did take the knife! This is how they'll meet again though. The knife will bring them together

JIMMY

• They never have time my boys. They need to talk to Lister about his relationship with alcohol. Rowan deserves a relationship not affected so deeply by fame. Jimmy deserves so so much and it's not getting more anxious. They need to not sign the new contract • Rain rain so much rain • Jimmy that probably isn't a good idea..... but y'know what! Run. Go.

ANGEL

• Yes Angel you choose Juliet! • Or y'know Jimmy can message you... • Angel you be his bodyguard!!!!!

JIMMY

• He asked her to stay. Oh my babies. They're going to see Piero together ;_; • I love seeing Angel from Jimmy's perspective so much

ANGEL

• This whole section I just my heart is swelling • His grandma was called Joan. I'm going to cry • Piero my man I love him. He's adorable • Piero is wise. Piero speaks the truth. Jimmy and Angel both need to sort their shit out my babes

JIMMY

• No Jimmy please don't leave the ark just get a better contract. Idk. Ah this is so sad.

SATURDAY

ANGEL

• It's the boys. "I've got a bone to pick with you." Lol. Angry • This is certainly one way to meet your favourite band your obsessed with

JIMMY

• Jimmy noooooo • This isn't Angels fault Rowan. Just because she's a fictional protagonist so ends up in all these wild situations. • That's right Piero you tell em

ANGEL

• Angel you really gotta stop leaving without telling people • Yes Angel talk to your mummy. Is every interaction in this book going to split open my heart? • I wanna hug Angel so badly. I wanna hug them all • Statement of my love for Bliss again

JIMMY

• They're jamming like they used to. I'm going to cry. I never cry at books but I think I'm going to cry. • Why are they all so broken? Why do they have to break up? My heart it can't take this • Juliet is coming. The gang will be complete

ANGEL

• "I'm going to need another glass of milk" • Yes you definitely should care about yourselves more

JIMMY

• NO don't fight and leave NO • I'm going to need this fighting and hurt to stop now please. Time for happiness. Chip chop • Exactly don't let them leave Piero. It needs to be bloody resolved • Goddammit Lister. Just. Goddammit • Lister definitely has the knife doesn't he? • I'm so sad and there's not much left. This better get resolved enough for me to be smiling by the end or help me god

ANGEL

• Where's Lister? Jesus it just keeps coming. This needs to stop • Yes Juliet you snap at your idol. Don't take any shit girl

JIMMY

• Why do Angel and Jimmy both think everything is there fault. Stop it. Just. Ugh. My babies no • This weather is dramatic • Oh fuck. Oh no. Lister!!!! No. Why ah my heart no fuck no. Why the hELL would you do this to him? Why write this? Ahhhh • What the fu k? What the FUCK? WHY?

SUNDAY

ANGEL

• Yes yes yes. Angel would make a great band manager • I want Angel and Jimmy to stay in touch. I love their photos. I love these characters. It's nearly over and I'm not ready

JIMMY

• Yes guys you do whatever you want! Fuck the contract! Live your life! Be the band you're meant to be! I love them so much and yeah they're all a right much of weirdos • And I'm finished. My heart has gone through so much. I love all these characters. I want more of them. I don't want it to be over

damn that was a good book! @chronicintrovert well done!!

[glambitions-a]

cracked door, i always wanna let you in.

audrey rose centric fanfiction | post descendants three | canon compliant | part two of ? | rating : teen | warnings : swearing, anxiety | word count : 2215 | masterlist

prompt : part two of my audrey centric fic! part one | part three

tags (open): @cherry-bxtch​, @cosmosstarstudio​

     what audrey should’ve done with her spare time was think up an apology for her friend ally, uma.  but instead, she spent it with a pair of pink tinted heart-shaped sunglasses on her eyes and a shopping bag on her arms.  it was considerably less fun without chad, or even gil (because apparently he liked fashion too.)  audrey was particularly good at blowing off emotions, pretending that her gnawing guilt screaming at her in her head wasn’t there was all too easy.

       yesterday was friday, and today is saturday which means she doesn’t have to go to school, and she can stay and mope all day. (and try on her fabulous clothes duhsies)  if chad were here, they’d order a pizza and online shop until they fell asleep, and then they’d wake up and talk shit about everything that pissed them off that week.  and god, she missed it so damn much.

       but now, her day consisted of pretending to study, which made her feel sick to her stomach because all she could think about was storming off out of uma’s room.  she accidentally imagined sitting with the three pirates and studying with them instead, which made her decide to blow off studying for a few more hours.  then, she fell on top of her bed and stared at the ceiling, ignoring the television rambling about mal and ben being the cutest couple since forever. (she ignored the part where it said that she was just a stuck up gold digger, as angry as it made her.)

     audrey couldn’t react, she was a princess for god’s sake. she wasn’t any of those things they accused her of right?  she was doing better than before, she had volunteered on the isle, helped restore the damage she had done, and apologized.  the only word that seemed to be coming out of her mouth these days was ‘sorry’. she had to be better.  if she wasn’t her grandmother would never let her back into the castle.

     her grandmother had made her stay at school to keep the other woman safe, like she was afraid of being attacked by her own fucking granddaughter.  it still burns in her heart (her own grandmother won’t trust her), and she can’t seem to keep the flame put out no matter what.  but she can’t get angry, princesses don’t get angry no matter what happens.  they turned the other cheek and smiled gracefully.  

     it’s harder to push down feelings if she has friends and people to talk to.  but nobody wants her.  she had apologized to everyone, but it wasn’t enough.  it’s not like she blamed them, she was a bitch.

    audrey groans and she visibly winces at how un-ladylike it had sounded.  the princess reached down to where her feet lay, dropping her phone down next to her from where she was scrolling through a gossip column from a random magazine.   she tugged at the fluffy blanket that was bunched up around her sock covered feet, bring it up to rest on her body as she practically hid in it. her bed was unmade, which disgusted her because she had always been taught to be clean and tidy, but today was the exception.

    she empty hole in her chest is supposed to feel warm and fill because it would be filled with loved ones and friends. instead, she is alone and her whole body feels cold sometimes. (but maybe that’s just the remnants of her mother’s curse and her own.)  she keeps pushing people, falling into her old habits.  the sneering voice in her mind in her mind tells her that she could have it all, if only she touched the staff again.  but even with how much anger audrey had, she didn’t let it consume her.  she knows that if she ever touched that staff again, she would fall prey to the same curse as her mother, but no one loves her enough to wake her.

     she finds that it’s a wretched thing to be alone.  and while her sweatpants and comfy cheer sweatshirt are soft around her body and bare skin, it isn’t enough.  what she really wants is to be held. nobody has even put a hand on her shoulder since what seems like forever ago.  even when people brush up against her they flinch away like they had been burned horribly.   clinging to ben is a distant memory, and hugging chad is even fainter than that.

    the buzzing of her phone startles her, she imagines it’s just a stupid prank call from when those petty reporters got a hold of her cell number and had broad casted it live because she wouldn’t tell them if she was possessed.  she had still gotten some of those calls, so it wouldn’t surprise her if it was just some kid.

    but it buzzed again, and even as she pushed a pillow on top of it, the muffled sounds continued.   she groaned and pulled it out, squinting at the bright screen.  she had closed her curtains earlier, and it was nearly nine at night, meaning the darkness of her room with only the lamp was a great contrast to the screen of both her t.v. and her phone, but one was closer to her eyes than the other.

     in all honesty, her heart jumped in her chest when she found it wasn’t an unknown caller.  no, the i.d. clearly read ‘uma’.  she nearly dropped her phone, the buzzing seemed to grow louder as she shakily pressed accept, lifting it up to her ear, “hello?”

    “are you done?” the sharpness of her tone startles audrey, her brows furrow in confusion.  the blonde fists a small hand nervously in her sweatshirt, gnawing on her lip.

     “uhm, done with what?” 

     “are you done being a little bitch, yet?  gil told me to wait, so i waited.  i’m done waiting, either come over or don’t.  i’m not playing these games with you, remember?”  audrey curls in herself, tears pricking at her eyes.  stress makes her cry, she remembers sitting in classrooms begging her teachers to let her take the exams at lunch.  when she was sad, she turned angry, but she never cried.  

      “uma, i-” she fights to keep her voice from shaking, uma is not allowed to know that the teal haired girl talking to her is enough to make her cry.  “it’s late, and dark.” she manages to force that out of her before taking a shaky breath, “i’ll get in trouble.”

      “harry’s already on his way, good luck.” she hears the phone line cut off and she drops the phone on her lap before rolling into her blanket. she brought her head to her knees, curling up into a fetal position.  only the top of her head poked out at the top of the blanket, but she wasn’t paying much attention.  

       she squeezed her eyes to get rid of the budding tears.  her heart clenched in her chest having to think about what uma will say to her.  audrey won’t kid with herself, ‘interrogation’ was a pretty low blow.  she didn’t even know why she was crying, she can’t let herself get so emotional, it doesn’t matter anyways.   nothing had happened to her.  she’s fine, everything’s fucking fine.

      she gets too wrapped in her thoughts and almost doesn’t hear the harsh knocking on her door.  damn, she didn’t lock it.  she can’t stay buried under the covers (because for some god damn reason, she wants to look presentable for pirates.  how pathetic is that?)  now it hits her that harry hook is right outside her door, ready to take her who knows where, and she looks like a former a-lister on crack.

      her voice betrays her as it comes out shrill when she calls screeches, “just a minute!”  she tugs her sweatshirt off, begging silently to whoever the hell is in charge that harry hook actually fucking listens to her for once.  she’s one unlocked door away from a teenage boy and she doesn’t have a shirt on, god how could she let herself get like this?  she practically trips over to her closet, snatches a pale colored sweater off of the hanger and pulls it over her body.  she does a quick look in the mirror, a very faint blush arises as she notices the lacy bralette straps that are visible on her shoulders.

      but no matter, she swipes on some lip gloss in a very timely manner. (if she does say so herself.)  trying her best not to fall, she steps out of those comfortable but dreadful looking (and the way they look is all that matters, certainly not how they feel, who cares about that?) sweatpants and pulls on skinny jeans that she had snagged from the closet as well. (again, not comfortable per se, but she’s not going out looking like a mother of nineteen children with a hangover)  fluffy socks have to leave as well, replacing with soft but not fluffy white ankle socks.

     she adjusts herself in the mirror, going to open the door, braiding her hair with one hand and she finishes with a hastily done side braid that falls onto her back.  pleased, she opens the door to an impatiently waiting harry hook.

   “do princesses always sleep like this?” his head is cocked to the side and his arms are crossed, unimpressed. (which makes her heart hurt in her chest and that causes her to shrink back a little too much)

    “oh, uhm, no they don’t.” she says sheepishly. “i just changed, is all.”   her hands instinctively goes to fiddle with the end of her braid.  a twinge of nervousness recollects in her stomach returns as she looks up at him and it’s because he looks like he’s analyzing her. 

    “why?” she opens the door a little more, feeling the need to curl in on herself in the gaze of a pirate seems rather silly, but she needs to be polite.  (the angry voice in her head tells her to lock the door in his face and do what the hell she wants, but she ignores it, of course. she’s a princess for god’s sake.)  “we’re not going anywhere fancy, just to uma’s room.” he sounds tired, he’s tired of her.  he wants to leave, audrey can tell.  a million self-deprecating thoughts are whirling through her mind, he’s only here because uma asked him to be here.  he doesn’t want to see audrey. (nobody does)  

   “oh, i just wanted to look...” she’s struggling to answer with anything but, ’i wanted to look pretty’. “uhm, i just wanted to look not ugly.”  okay, officially, that was the dumbest effing thing she’s ever said.  she sees the confusion on harry’s face and exhales, rocking on her toes.

   he scoffs and rolls his eyes, “you couldn’t look ugly if you tried.” she blushes at that and opens the door wide enough so that he could come in.  

   “do you know why uma wants me to come over?” he follows her in as she sits down on the bed, crossing her ankles.  her tone is polite, (and stiff) she tries to keep it sound calm and unpracticed (like she doesn’t practice sentences in the mirror because she doesn’t.)

    “is it weird in auradon to want to spend time with your friends?”  audrey blinks, they’re friends? gil had told her that they didn’t have friends on the isle, just non-enemies (and yes, that’s exactly how he said it.)  

    “we’re friends?”  it sounds too snarky and she almost flinches with an apology at the tip of her tongue.  uma tells her that she hates how much she apologizes, but she does it anyways. “sorry, i just thought there wasn’t friends on the isle.”  she hates the way she sounds, she sounds so judgy.  and there’s no way uma wants to be her friend, she attempted to attack her with magic suits of armor.

   harry’s sitting next to her now, and in the midst of her talking he had grabbed her pale pink fluffy blanket (unbeknownst to him that she had been curled up in it only minutes before) and now had it in his hands.  “well, we’re not on the isle anymore, are we princess?”  his voice doesn’t waver at princess, doesn’t turn upwards in a mocking way.  he means it in a nickname, which makes her melt a little more then it should.  “besides, even if we were, i think she’d still.”  he wraps the blanket around her shoulders, she takes the edges in her fingers like a cape or a cloak.  “i think we both would, and gil too.” 

    she’s got a shy pathetic little smile on as she looks down to her feet.  she nods, “oh," her voice is so soft and small and so unlike her that it makes her sick to her stomach.  princesses aren’t supposed to like being around pirates, they’re supposed to be scared. and for a minute she forgets that she’s supposed to be scared too.  

    something buzzes from harry’s hoodie pocket, he takes it out to see the text that popped up on the screen.  squinting at it, he says, “uma wants us back now, are you ready?”

    she inhales and rubs her hands over her thighs, “yeah, i am.”

 ʚĭɞ | if you want to be on my taglist, all you have to do is like this post.  i’m calling this series sleeping soundly, i just came up with this randomly but i like it??  i wrote a fair bit of this on a zoom call with my therapist so i maybe might of made this too angsty,,,,, oopsies.  audrey has friends that care about her and she doesn’t know how to act asdfghjkl ଘ(੭*ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚  - rory

[analvelocity]

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22. Just do them all, you know you want to.

1) A cartoon you remember that nobody else does.

The Time Warp Trio.

It was a kid’s show I used to watch after school where you learned about history via a bunch of teenagers who keep fucking with time and having to repair the damage after the fact. The concept was great, and it had some really interesting LORE(TM) toward the end that I was actually interested in seeing where they went with it - but the show was canned after the first season so I guess we’ll never see it. 10/10 concept, needed someone like Craig McCracken to really shine.

2) A cartoon you like but nobody else seems to.

Inferno Cop allegedly has a fandom but I don’t know any of them in the flesh.

3) A cartoon you don’t like but everybody else seems to.RWBY. I’ve never ever really “Got” Rooster Teeth to be quite honest, so this fell really flat with me.4) A cartoon you wish would be forgotten.The Fairly OddParents. I wish I could go back to looking back at that series fondly but that time has long passed.5) The worst cartoon you’ve ever seen, and why?The Nutshack. Watched an episode for the meme and then immediately hated the meme for getting me to watch it.6) The worst moment you’ve ever seen happen in a cartoon.

The bit where Finn gets his arm back in Breezy. I got so close to dropping the show after that one.

7) The worst thing you’ve ever seen happen to a cartoon that ruined it.Not outright ruined, but Bryke missing the magic of The Last Airbender and focusing way too much on goddamn shipping in Korra. I maintain that Season 2B and 3 were the best seasons and that was purely because they had time to focus on actual plot and characterization with the help of NO SHIPPING DRAMA.8) A cancelled/forgotten cartoon you would bring back to television.

SKYLAND. FUCKING SKYLAND.

Superjail is a close 2nd, assuming it is indeed cancelled.

9) An animated character you remember but nobody else seems to.

Does anyone else remember how fucking excellent the wolves were in The Animals of Farthing Wood? God that show was depressing!

That or Billy the Cat.

10) An animated character you hate the most, and why?Pam from Archer, at least after Season 5. They play off her cocaine addiction for laughs but all she does is be really uncomfortable in every scene she’s in.11) A non-animated property you would like to see as a cartoonI think Doctor Who could use the new life that animation and a decent writer would breathe into the series.12) A trope or trend in animation that you dislike.

Filler episodes, particularly ones that focus on the C-listers. Steven Universe and Star vs. The Forces of Evil (Both excellent shows when they don’t do this) are the worst culprits in recent memory - Adventure Time has fixed this so props to them.

I know why they do this - Genndy talked about this when he spoke of his limitations making Samurai Jack - the network wants these creators to air as little continuity-based content as possible so they can run episodes in any order. It fucking kneecaps the show though, and it’s so sad that cartoons are the only kind of media that get such awful treatment narratively.

13) A currently airing cartoon that you know is going to be forgotten about in the future.The Powerpuff Girls reboot. Shit, I’ve already forgotten about it.14) The best episode of a cartoon you really like.Every episode of Gravity Falls, but Sock Opera, Soos and the Real Girl and Boyz Crazy are my favourites. Don’t make me choose between them.Sock Opera did have my favourite Bill moments, he’s my favourite Disney villain:

15) The worst episode of a cartoon you really like.I straight-up don’t watch Ronaldo-centric episodes of Steven Universe. Not necessarily because of him, but because the episodes are guaranteed to be awful and hard to watch. I’ve never skipped episodes on any cartoon before or since - that’s how much I hate those episodes.

16) A cartoon you feel deserves more recognition than it gets.

Gravity Falls - at least, the first season and 2A. It did get a lot of hype when it was airing but it was a genuinely smart show with some great humour and satisfying mysteries both inside and outside the ARG.

17) A cartoon you feel deserves less recognition than what it gets.Ren and Stimpy. Cartoon fans seem to see it as the holy grail of children’s programming when Rocko’s Modern Life did everything it did, and a lot better.18) The worst idea you can think of for an animated series.

“Let’s reboot Teen Titans but as a shitty poorly-animated chibi show completely devoid of personality and resemblance to the source material. Then do it with Powerpuff Girls as well.”

19) At what point did you realize a cartoon, any cartoon was starting to get bad?

Adventure Time - the infamous Breezy episode. It was such a cop-out and it annoyed the shit out of me. They fixed it, and the series is back to being great, but it took them a borderline unforgivable 2 seasons to get there. Glad I stuck with it though - the Islands and Elements mini-series were baller and the latter felt like the series was really getting back to its roots before the finale. I fucking loved everything about Elements, and I think the intro exemplifies why:

20) An experience with a cartoon you thought you were going to like but turned you away from it.As a teenager - the first like 2 episodes of Bleach. God I hated it.

21) Something you would like to see more than anything in a cartoon.

Hard to say, I’m a pretty easy man to please. A concept that uses the animated medium effectively, with an art style that pops and doesn’t treat their audience like children - even if they are children. Gravity Falls, Bojack Horseman, Rick & Morty and Mob Psycho 100 are four shows that spring to mind when I think of this - all were certainly shows I didn’t know I always wanted.

22) What do you feel makes a cartoon forgettable?

Doing the exact opposite of the above. If you’re gonna be a boring hack with a boring hack show, at least have a decent girl in it to waifu out so it’s not completely worthless.