#noa writes aftg

[queen-of-seventeen]

The straight men’s attraction to Ryan Reynolds

This piece is for Abi @jostenlovesminyard <a href="https://twitter.com/jostenminyard03" rel="nofollow">JostenMinyard03 on twitter</a> for the aftg exchange. I hope you love reading it like I loved writing it. I had a blast.

Thanks @aftgexchange for putting this show on the road

Andrew knocked his shoulder into a rack of summer coats and hissed. The store was overcrowded and he didn't know why he had agreed to join Aaron on this shopping trip. It's not like Andrew wore summer clothes. He would rather pass out from heat stroke than wear jean shorts.

"So," he continued, "I need this big breaking case or they're going to downsize my article. So I did some digging and found this weird kid, a total carrot in that picture and apparently, his dad is the Butcher."

Aaron flicked through a stack of shorts before pulling out two in the same size. "The Butcher?"

Andrew schooled his face as best as he could. It was a burden to be directly related to someone with so little knowledge about true crime. He deserved better.

He sighed and sat down on top of a display. He ignored the looks a sales assistant gave him. It was fine. He was just sitting on the clothes. "The Butcher of Baltimore is this notorious serial killer who was supposedly the boss of the mob."

"You're serious," Aaron said in a tone that made it clear he wasn't excited.

"I am." Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose. "The kid was about ten in that picture when his dad died and nobody has heard from him since."

"And you're what?" Aaron turned to him. "You will be the one to find him? He's been gone for how long? Swallowed by witness protection. Which you shouldn't mess with."

"Thirteen years. I want coffee." Andrew stood up and didn't wait for Aaron knowing his twin was following. "He's around twenty-three, granted that he celebrates the same birthday he did back then."

Andrew stepped in line at a smaller coffee chain. It was rustic and they were playing some new indie band that he wouldn't shazam but later wished he had. He knew it was wrong to try and find someone in witness protection but he needed a big story. He wasn’t going to let fucking Seth take over his prime spot in the paper and the website. 

The line wasn't long but the guy in front of him had long white cat hairs sticking to every inch of his jogger and Andrew scoffed as he scanned the guy’s outfit. Bright orange hoodie clashing with his auburn hair and shoes that were starting to come apart at the seams. If he was any more inclined towards charity he'd have offered to buy the guy a new pair.

Aaron kicked Andrew's foot. "You were saying. The guy’s been missing and why is he important to your case?"

"I want an interview. What it was like to live through the whole shebang."

"And why would he answer?" Aaron rubbed his nose. A mild cat allergy.

"I'm persuasive."

"Intense."

"A good reporter."

"A stalker."

"Aaron for fucks sake, at the least he'll answer because I have as much sex appeal as Ryan Reynolds and he'd be too attracted to say no."

Aaron burst into laughter and Andrew noticed the shoulders of the guy in front of them shaking as well. He sighed and pressed his lips together. There was no arguing with straight men. He knew this, he'd always known this even growing up. Still, he'd expected at least a little support from the mirror image beside him.

The auburn-haired guy turned around and looked over their heads to the door. He wasn't very tall but still taller than Aaron and Andrew. The height wasn't what took Andrew's breath away. The guy was biting his full lips but even so, the right corner turned up just so. He was trying to keep himself from laughing out loud.

It was the straw that broke the camel's back and Andrew scowled. Brows furrowed, corners of his mouth tipping down. He barely managed not to cross his arms.

The Auburn guy finally looked down and broke as well. A loud, rolling laugh engulfed Andrew. The guy's ice blue eyes crinkled at the corners and his heart sped up for a second.

"What's so funny?"

“Your belief that everyone is at least a little bit attracted to men.” The man shook his head with another laugh. Andrew was so very gay.

Andrew crossed his arms and schooled his expression. “We can’t forget the lesbians of course. Kind of requisitive to think men aren’t attractive sexually but I was talking about a specific man and Ryan Reynolds is a straight man’s catnip.”

The auburn-haired man nodded twice and turned back to the counter. Conversation over. Normally Andrew would be okay with that. He hated talking and especially to strangers. It was why he turned to writing in the first place. And here there was a stranger butting into his private conversation and all he wanted to do was pull the stranger back in. It was a problem. The Auburn-haired man ordered a black coffee and went to stand off to the side. Andrew ordered a pumpkin spice latte with pumpkin spice whipped cream and put it on Aaron’s tab. 

Before Andrew could find a way to talk to Red again he was out the door with a coffee. Andrew waited like a statue for his sweetened coffee and proceeded to pour more sugar in while Aaron waited for his own.

"One day you will start paying for your coffees," Aaron said as he watched Andrew meticulously follow his coffee routine and stir in the whipped cream.

"Why would I when Nicky and you will do it for me?" Andrew looked out the window for a second trying to spot the auburn hair.

"Maybe because your writing gig pays you this time if you can hold on to it." Aaron gripped his cup in both hands and started for the door. "I need t-shirts."

"Did your wife finally come to her senses and threaten to divorce you for dressing like a midget asshole."

"We're the same height."

"But I don't dress like an asshole. There's a difference." Andrew overtook his twin and started for his favorite shop. "Come on, I can't lose my least favorite Minyard to something as dumb as your taste in fashion."

++

Something was scratching at Andrew’s front door. It wasn't Sir FatCat because she was nestled at the end of Andrew's couch in his favorite blanket. He'd long since accepted she latched onto anything he liked when he needed it. But that didn't stop the scratching at the front door.

Andrew put his notes on the Nathan Wesninski case to the side. They wouldn't help his search for the younger Wesninski anyhow.

He got up, tried not to disturb Sir, and walked to the front door. He didn't see anything when he looked through the peephole. He turned to go back to the couch when the scratching started again. He really should've known better with his work in investigative crime journalism but he carefully opened the door and a small calico cat dashed past his legs into the kitchen.

"What the fuck." Andrew didn't close his door in his sprint after the cat. He saw Sir poke up her fat orange head from the couch but she didn't even try to defend her home.

That was Karma for not getting a dog, Aaron would say.

Andrew went into the kitchen to see the new cat happily eating from Sir's bowl. "That isn't yours."

He scooted closer but the cat didn't budge. Andrew grabbed for its scruff and the yowl coming from its tiny mouth would have woken up every single one of his neighbors.

When it resorted to scratching instead of screaming Andrew could hear footsteps over his parquet. "Hello?"

"Sorry," a voice came back. The tenor was slightly familiar which happened a lot with Andrew's memory, but he couldn't place it. "I thought I heard my cat and since your door was open."

An auburn-haired man walked into the door opening of Andrew's kitchen. It was THE auburn-haired man. Andrew wasn't glad to see him again. He wanted to throttle the handsome intruder and his sudden German accent.

"You weren't German last week."

"I don't remember you living here."

"Funny seeing how I have been for years and you moved in last week." Andrew absent-mindedly had started petting the cat in his arm as it settled down. "Get out of my house."

The man gave him a bemused look and held out his hand. "I'm Neil Josten."

"Get out of my house."

Neil dropped his hand. "Can I have my cat back first?"

Andrew didn’t stop glaring as he dropped the cat. It didn’t meow once but walked over to its owner. Neil nodded at Andrew. “Sorry for the trouble.” He picked up the cat and walked out of the kitchen. Andrew could hear the door closing from where he stood. 

He walked to his couch after checking the door was closed and locking it. He didn’t need another stray in there. The file he was supposed to be studying lay on the table. He picked it up again with a heavy heart and opened it. A picture fell out and fluttered to the floor like an autumn leaf. 

The day can’t get worse than this, Andrew thought and bent to pick it up. He saw the back first. ‘Nathan Wesninski with wife and son.’ Andrew didn’t think twice before flipping it over in his hands. 

“Mother fucker.” It was a general rule that Andrew Minyard hated running. His friend Kevin believed he would have joined the professional leagues but the idea of working out every day for ten or twenty-odd years sent a chill down Andrew’s back that could honestly put him in an early grave. 

Now however Andrew was running like his life depended on it. His next paycheck did for sure. He ran to the front door without putting on shoes and barely remembered to grab his keys and close it for Sir before stepping into the hallway and banging on the door marked with ‘N. Josten.’ 

“Mother fucker,” Andrew said again. He carefully pulled his face into the uncaring facade he’d been cultivating since his teenage years. His right foot tapped on the floor and his nail’s dug into the skin of his palms. 

The door opened and the cat tried to shoot out again before it was stopped by a socked foot. “You don’t have to yell at me, I already said sorry for King.” 

Andrew rolled his eyes. “I don’t care about your dumb cat, I have a dumb cat at home. You, however.”

Neil raised both his eyebrows. “This may be the weirdest way I’ve ever been asked out.”

“I’m not asking you out.”

“Last time you said you had the sex appeal of Ryan Reynolds.”

“And you neatly turned me down.” Andrew’s head was starting to spin. He had to gain back his control over the situation. “That’s not why I’m here. I need to go inside.”

Neil motioned a hand to Andrew’s door. “Then go.”

“With you. I need to interview you.”

“With your Ryan Reynolds appeal?” Neil stepped to the side and let Andrew in. He noticed how Neil didn’t lock any of the doors but his eyes scanned the apartment looking, Andrew didn’t know. 

“I don’t care about Ryan Reynolds, I might be too gay for that. Never let my cousin hear me say that.” Andrew didn’t sit down but he was still holding the file and the picture. In school they taught him to tell the interviewee, Neil in this case, to sit down now. Andrew didn’t. “You look a lot like your sperm donor for someone who’s supposedly in witness protection.”

Neil looked like hell froze over. “Get out.”

“So you can call them? No. I’m not here to kill you. I don’t even need a picture of you or anything else.”

“Then why are you here?” Neil sighed heavily and poured a cup of tea with milk.

Andrew’s lip curled. British, gross. “You are the guy I talked about in the coffee shop. Son of that one murdery fellow. My boss is going to downsize my column unless I come up with something as big as this story.”

“That’s my problem, why?” Neil sipped his drink and sank into his chair. A fake display of relaxation. Andrew knew all the tells. 

“It’s not your problem but I am willing to trade you. You’re new right?” Andrew waited for Neil to nod to continue. “I know the people in this building and around town. I can introduce you. The more people you know and know about you the more people will raise a fuss if anything happens to you.”

Neil seemed to think it over for a second. “And you think that’ll work?”

Andrew sat down in the chair opposite Neil. This was his chance to convince Neil to work with him, to help him. It was also his chance to get to know someone interesting. Andrew hadn’t met anyone like that in a long time. Especially not one that was pretty. “I know it will.”

“Okay, I’ll do it but you’re going to keep my name and picture out of it.”

“Of course. A deal’s a deal.” Andrew forced himself to hold out his hand. Touching Neil, even as inconspicuously as that would be worth the lingering feeling on his skin. 

Neil took his hand in agreement. He looked apprehensive, his handshake weak and Andrew had half a mind that Neil would be gone before he could get his interview. Andrew didn’t wish but if he did he’d wish that Neil would still be there the next time he went to visit.

++

Andrew was ready to interview Neil. He had invited Neil into his home the day after he'd confronted him simply so Neil would have fewer chances to run away.

Andrew had picked up coffee and creamer and sparkling water. Neil didn't seem the type to drink alcohol and it was one of the other rules the school had drilled into Andrew. Don't get the interviewee drunk, the answers will be terrible and you can't control the outcome.

The apartment had been cleaned and Andrew had folded the blankets on his couch. He didn't sit down. He thought he'd feel as bad that Neil was coming into his space, invited this time, as he thought Neil would feel about entering it.

He paced around the room. This was it. This was the last rescue mission of his column size. He could do this.

The clock kept ticking and just when Andrew was convinced Neil was no longer showing up, someone knocked on his door. Now, this could either be witness protection to yell at him for trying to blow Neil's cover or it was Neil himself.

Andrew didn't know if he was more or less surprised when it was Neil on the other side of the door.

"I'm late," Neil said as a way of greeting.

"I know," Andrew replied. He stepped aside to let Neil in. "Pick a chair in the living room, I'll bring in drinks. Just don't sit on Sir."

"Sir?" Neil walked into the living room while Andrew went into the kitchen. From there he heard Neil. "Oh, Sir. My what a fa,” Neil trailed off, “fantastic… cat."

Andrew listened to him coo at the obese animal while he made two cups of coffee, added a generous amount of milk and sugar to his, and grabbed a glass of water for Neil just in case he didn't want the coffee.

Neil was sitting with King Fluffkins on his lap on the couch. He looked up at Andrew's frozen stature in the door opening. "Technically, your cat is sitting on me."

"How domestic. Feels more like a third date thing." Andrew placed the cups on the table and sat in the oversized chair near his television.

"So this is a date? I would've worn something better."

Andrew neatly avoided choking on his spit. Neil was interesting. More interesting than anything in years had been.

"Truly, Andrew, don't you normally tell people it's a date."

"I don't normally ask for life stories on dates." Andrew took a sip of coffee and burned his tongue. The feeling lingered and he wondered if Neil would be able to taste it if they kissed. "I don't normally date."

"Well, that's on me for assuming." Neil kept petting King. "Is it okay if I start now? I think I'll lose my nerve if I don't."

Andrew leaned forward. "Why do you trust me?"

"I don't know." Neil shrugged. "You seem trustworthy and if you sell me out you will anyway."

"High praise."

"I think it's your Ryan Reynolds charm."

"So you do think I'm Ryan Reynolds hot?"

"Don't know, I'm not straight." Neil looked up and away. Before Andrew could question it Neil dove straight into his story.

Andrew had set up his voice notes a couple of sentences into Neil’s spiel but he was glad for it. It took a lot for Andrew to get shocked but this was it. Listening to Neil tell him about his childhood and a time on the run before he was almost savagely cut down by his father.

Andrew had always been glad Nathan Wesninski was dead but this was the cherry on top. He wrote down his last notes a couple of minutes after Neil finished his story. Andrew stood up without saying anything and went into the kitchen. 

He wrapped his hands around the edge of the counter and waited for his milk to heat up in the microwave. It took him a minute to find his tongue.

“I’m making hot chocolate,” he said loud enough for Neil to hear.

“Not for me please.” Andrew didn’t hear Neil move. He grabbed another mug from his cupboard and filled it with hot water. He grabbed the one kind of tea he had for when his cousin came over and put it on the tray next to his mug. He carefully spooned in two helpings of chocolate.

He rolled his shoulders and neck before picking up the tray and walking back to the living room. He put the tray down and grabbed two blankets from the one space where Sir Fat Cat McCatterson wouldn’t steal them. He gave one to Neil and curled up with the other in his chair. Thank you for trusting me, he didn’t say. “There’s rooibos tea. There might be milk in the fridge for the cat.”

Neil nodded and wrapped himself in the blanket before reaching forward for his mug. He cradled it in his hands. “I don’t want to be scared of my father anymore.”

“He’s dead,” Andrew said.

“Still.”

“He’s dead,” Andrew repeated. “He’s dead and you're alive and for today you are Neil Josten sitting on my couch. You told your story and I’m going to build you a life that is less pathetic than being my neighbor.”

Neil huffed a laugh. “Why is being your neighbor pathetic?”

Andrew made a movement with his hand. He was five foot nothing of black clothing and a journalism degree. It should speak for itself. 

“I don’t agree and if your friends do I don’t know if I want to meet them.” Neil stroked Sir over his fathead.

“It’s mostly my brother who you’ve seen.”

“You but without the attractiveness of Ryan Reynolds.”

Andrew laughed. “So you agree he is.”

“No, but I’m starting to think you might be. Attractive that is.”

Neil turned red under his blanket but Andrew didn’t know if it was from the heat of the tea or blanket or both but he may be able to live with not knowing for now because the pretty Auburn-haired man had just called him attractive. Maybe. But it was a strong maybe.

Neil took a sip of tea and they sat together in half silence until they both finished their cups.

“If you don’t have to work tomorrow,” Neil started. “Maybe you can introduce me to some friends. Or we can just do something together.”

“A second date?” Andrew said with a quirked brow.

“Yeah. Without talking about my murderous, what did you call him, sperm donor?”

“Correct. We could talk about how your cat is a terror.”

“Takes after his dad.” Neil smiled and curled up further in the blanket with Sir.

Andrew would agree. The cat took after his dad. A terror to neighbor Andrew but too interesting to let it go. Andrew didn’t say no to the second date or the third or when half a year later Neil suggested to Andrew that it’d be harder to take him if he lived in the same apartment as Andrew. 

It worked and one year after their first year Neil told his biggest truth. “My non-attraction to Ryan Reynolds probably correlated to my attraction to you. You did say he was a straight man’s catnip.”

“And you’re not straight.” Andrew grabbed the back of his neck. 

“I’m nothing.”

You’re everything, Andrew thought and pulled Neil in for a kiss.

[queen-of-seventeen]

Meeting A(ndrew)J Minyard

Inspired by @rainbowd00dles you should actually look up their spiderneil art it’s truly great!

Spiderman!Neil AU set in New York but still largely canon compliant. One shot or part of a series. I don’t know yet.

Find it on AO3

______________________________

Neil hadn’t meant to get bitten by a spider. For all intents and purposes he hadn’t even known what they were experimenting with at Moriyama corp. It could’ve been any normal type of medication but no, it had to be spiders. 

So as Neil made his way sneakily through the halls after closing in search for the money his mother’s ledgers had told him were hidden there he stumbled into a laboratory. He had already had the money but hiding from the cameras often meant having to enter rooms he had to force entry too. Nobody would think to check among modified spiders. And nobody had. Nobody but the spider. As soon as Neil felt the tickling of eight legs and the sting of a bite he swiped the spider off. It wasn’t anything to be worried about.

He had made it two blocks from Moriyama corp before the dizziness settled in. Neil stumbled from alley to alley until he got to the barren, rat infested apartment he’d been able to break into and inhabit for the past two weeks while he scouted the laboratory. He thought he had a fever when he fell onto the run down couch. But there wasn’t enough time to think about it before he passed out and the next day everything had been different.

1 year and 64 days later

Neil popped his earbuds in before pulling on his mask. I’ve been runnin’ my mouth around the corner, chasin’ it down the street. He stood up to look over the edge of the roof. There was no drama in brooklyn. No petty theft or anything else. He huffed and shot a web so he could get to a balcony a couple floors down for a better view. 

I cash in my words like I’m a billionaire. Neil shouldn’t have picked a fight with Seth at practice earlier that day but he just couldn’t stand it anymore. He had to listen to Seth insult Allison whenever she wasn’t around and they weren’t dating and Matt could only argue with him so much. But I don’t have food to eat. Neil felt his stomach rumble but just like Matt could only argue so much he only got so much stuff in the dorm. And most of it was vegetables. Raw carrots and celery and more stuff that made Neil want to get bitten by a spider again before eating it. 

Neil’s eyes scanned the streets below him. It was just after dinner and he didn’t have to show up on the court again until an hour or two later, so he had time to do this. Time to be a vigilante. Or as some of the shop owners had been starting to call him, the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman. He rolled his eyes. And I keep talkin' like I'm taller than the trees. The nights with Kevin were fun and would be better if Andrew wasn’t constantly at their backs staring without training as well. The smile on his face was gone for once as the meds faded from his system before sleep. Neil couldn’t wait for the moment Andrew cracked and decided to practice with them. 

And there the culprit was. But my eyes never see much higher than five feet. Andrew was walking the streets of New York, on his own. A heavy leather bag was slung over his shoulder and he was eating the kind of burrito that made Neil’s stomach growl. He had to find something to eat. Soon. 

Neil swung lower and lower until he was a couple of feet above Andrew. The short blond didn’t notice him yet but it would not be long with the way some other people were pointing at him. He sighed and hoped nobody could hear through his mask. 

He dropped down behind Andrew and stepped in line for the hotdog stand. He’d had to leave his duffle bag behind in his dorm but there was a small pocket for cash that Neil had sown into his suit. His ridiculously expensive suit. Luckily he had known some basic stitches before starting. 

Somehow Andrew noticed the thud of Neil landing on the ground. Neil felt his piercing gaze on the side of his face. Slowly Neil turned to him. “Can I help?”

Andrew didn’t say anything, just lifted a brow. The smile on his face was still huge. Apparently he had dosed up recently. 

Neil held out a hand. “Hello, I’m Spiderman.”

Andrew looked at his hand but didn’t shake it. Neil had expected it. Andrew had avoided physical contact with everyone since the beginning of the year. “You sound like a kid.”

“I’ll let you know I’m a perfectly capable adult, thank you very much.” Neil added below his breath, “Midget.” He was doing well. Stopping petty theft and the occasional bigger threat. Nothing like him though. Nothing like Spiderman. He hoped it wouldn’t come to that. It was enough to have one freak of nature. 

Andrew snorted. “You’re what? Five foot two?”

“Three.” Neil bounced on the tips of his toes before it was finally his turn in line. “One hot dog. Everything but tomatoes, please.” He smiled beneath his mask and hoped he sounded happy enough. He wasn’t going to ruin the one time he didn’t have to continuously look behind him. As Spiderman he could do anything. 

Andrew squinted at him. “You look shorter in person.” 

Neil bristled as he paid for his hotdog and held it while he walked closer to Andrew. He didn’t bother staying out of arm's reach. He had tested his strength many times over the last year. He could lift multiple times his own body weight at the least. He could take Andrew. The midgets smile didn’t lessen but Neil saw him toying with the cuffs of his shirt. Would he be wearing his knives under there? Ready to cut Neil, Spiderman, up for the smallest mistake?

“Strange because I could swear that the uniform in the pictures makes you even shorter,” Neil said before flicking his wrist. He tightened his hold on the hotdog as he flung himself one armed from building to building until he was once more back on a roof. Dealing with Andrew always set him on edge just not in the way that his mother would’ve wanted from him. 

His eyes stayed glued on Andrew until he knew for sure nobody was looking at him and he lifted his mask up to half his face. High enough to eat his food but not high enough to accidentally expose himself. 

He wondered where Andrew was going. Normally he couldn’t be found very far from Kevin’s side but Kevin hadn’t been anywhere nearby. It would be creepy to follow Andrew though so Neil spent his time eating and thinking about the classes that would be starting up in a couple days. Their first game was next friday and Neil was still worried on how he was going to sell his sturdiness on television. He would have to fall when someone shoved him too hard and drop his stick at hard checks and no using his spidey sense. 

He huffed and stood up. It was going to be a long game but it would be worth it. His learning curve may become extraordinarily fast but he could swing it. 

He swung down to street level and threw the wrapper of his hotdog away. He waved at a shop owner and a grandma who were waving at him when his spidey sense actually went off. He took a running leap and swung himself up. Some parts running, some parts swinging around corners and between buildings until he could hear the screaming. 

It was a robbery at a cafe. Neil couldn’t see it very well from where he was but it looked like the man inside was armed and that, oh no. That was Andrew, with his knives pulled out. He couldn’t. Neil couldn’t have him arrested. Their season would be over if Andrew got arrested for violence. Even if it was self defence. Again. 

Neil swung over the top of the crowd. He heard some people calling out for Spiderman. He didn’t reply. He just needed to get in there. He could go through a window but there were people inside. He needed to do something else. So Neil did what he had wanted to do for so long and he sauntered through the front door. The little bell on top of the door jingled as he stepped in. The customers looked at him but none with more hatred than the one behind the perpetrator. Andrew sat crouched behind the man, a huge grin still on his face while the man in front of him pointed a gun at Neil’s face. 

So maybe he had forgotten about the gun the minute he’d seen Andrew. It was a human lapse of judgement.

“Hey, that is one big gun,” Spiderman said. “I hope it’s not due to compensation but given where we are standing it might be.” Neil felt his father’s smile tug at his lips but there was no room to wipe it off his face and he was glad nobody else was able to see it. 

A couple people in the room snickered at Neil’s comment, not including Andrew who just looked a bit more tired. 

“Who are you?” The perp asked. A ski mask was obscuring his face but Neil heard the quiver in his throat. 

“I am the friendly neighbourhood Spiderman.” Neil waved a hand to motion at himself. “Or as friendly as people can be in New York. Now how about you put down the gun and I don’t have to take it from you.”

The man stepped forward and swung for Spiderman. Improved senses or not the distance meant the man’s fist hit Neil’s cheek in a glance. A bit hard as well. “That isn’t nice, mr. Robber man.”

Neil avoided a couple of punches firing off remarks to get the robber away from Andrew and the rest of the patrons but it was a small shop. He could see the rising frustration in the way the man was moving and Neil got hit once more on the side of his face before having enough. “Hey, sir. I get you don’t like me but maybe it’s better if we take this outside.”

“I’m not going anywhere,” the man grunted out.

Neil’s spidey sense went off right before the man pulled the safety on the gun. The click sounded loud in Neil’s ears. He flicked his wrist and a web shot out before a shot could be fired. The gunman stumbled back as his hand was shot against the wall behind him. Andrew stumbled out of the way finally using those damn exy reflexes of him for once.

“Let’s try this again,” Neil said. “For all I know you could be hard of hearing and that’s why you have a hard time understanding me. I mean lipreading is impossible with this mask.” Halfway through his sentence Neil started signing the words he was saying. He wasn’t fluent but he knew enough from the days where his mother and he couldn’t make noise. 

“There must be a different solution in your life to stealing? I mean the risk of getting locked up? Sounds like someone wasn’t able to live up to their parents aspirations for them.” 

The perpetrator cursed and tried pulling a knife from his belt and slashed at Spiderman. He Jumped back before sending another web his way and pinning that hand as well. Neil wrenched the gun and the knife from his hands. He clicked the safety on the gun when he heard the police pull up. One of them had a megaphone. “Come out here right now and nobody has to get hurt!”

Neil threw a tired look at the perpetrator. “Don’t they understand that you basically had a troupe of hostages in here? And they wonder why I do their job better.” 

He sighed and rubbed his free hand over his face. Neil started towards the door. “Guess I better give them these and don’t run away. I think the webbing should dissolve on its own and pulling might not feel that great.” At the threshold with a hand on the doorknob Neil looked back towards Andrew. “It might be better to take the backdoor. With your track record.”

By now the police wouldn’t yet be at the backdoor and Neil could distract them for a little bit while Andrew got back home safely. 

Only Andrew did not go back home safely. When Neil deposited the gun and knife in front of the police, got threatened with his own arrest and was able to swing up and away over the building he could see Andrew standing in the back alley. They cherry on his cigarette lit up and Neil scaled down the wall to take a closer look. 

“I’m not a runner,” Andrew said. He looked up and saw Spiderman looming above him. Two feet firmly planted on the wall as if he was a flagpost. 

“Is that why you became a goalie?" 

“I’m not answering your questions.”

“But you stayed to see if I would check up on you.”

“I felt like a smoke.”

Neil huffed a laugh and jumped down. He shouldn’t stand so close but the smell of smoke was familiar to him. It brought him back to a beach thousands of miles away where his mothers bones had been buried beneath the sand. “I heard it’s bad for your lungs.”

“Second hand isn’t much better and neither is your disregard for public law.”

“You don’t seem like someone who cares about public law.”

“I study criminal justice.” 

Neil’s brows furrowed. He hadn’t known that. He’d never asked any of his teammates what they were studying but most of them had told them of their own accord. But Andrew didn’t talk to the team. So why was he talking to Spiderman?

“I don’t feel comfortable letting you walk home alone. Is it okay if I take you?” Neil took one last breath of the smoke before stepping away and giving Andrew his space back. 

Andrew didn’t relax one bit. “You want to walk me home? I didn’t realize a robbery counted as a date.” 

He said it without a single vocal inclination but it made Neil wonder. He thought Andrew was dating Renee. All the other foxes had been betting on it and asked Neil if he’d wanted in on it. Neil had declined. Not on the fact that not even Nicky would want them to date but that he didn’t see a reason for betting on his teammates' love lives. But maybe the reason Renee and Andrew weren’t dating were different? 

No, it wasn’t up to Neil to ask. Certainly not up to Spiderman either. “I wasn’t planning on walking,” Spiderman said. “I have a quicker mode of transportation but I’ll need your trust and I need to give you a piggyback ride.”

“No.” 

Neil took a step back. “Oh okay, if you don’t want me to take you home-”

Andrew shook his head. “I have no reason to trust you spider boy.”

“It’s Spiderman.”

“If you want me to climb on your back you’re going to have to give me a reason to trust you.” 

Neil bounced on his heels for a minute before making a decision. He needed Andrew to get home. Safely. Especially since Kevin would be coming over in half an hour to take Neil to the court. With Andrew. Both of them needed to be in that building. Without Andrew finding out Neil is Spiderman. He tapped his fingers to his side. Andrew had never seen him without clothes. There was no danger in getting Andrew to trust Spiderman. None at all. He hoped.

Neil turned around, his back to Andrew. “If you unzip it you can see that I went through quite a bit. I’m doing this, being Spiderman, to keep it from happening to other people as well.”

Neil inhaled sharply when the zipper was pulled and a cold finger was pressed to the nape of his neck. The mask kept his hair covered even with the suit off but he still wondered if Andrew would notice. If he even noticed anything coming down from his drug induced high. 

Andrew didn’t push to get the suit off Neil’s shoulder. He did run a hand over his shoulder blades beneath the suit and ran a finger down Neil’s spine. Goosebumps rose on his skin. “Do you trust me now?” 

“Those are some pretty big ouchies for a friendly neighbourhood spiderling.” Andrew slowly zipped up the suit running a hand under the edges to make sure he didn’t catch Neil’s, Spidermans’, skin. 

“There are bad people in this world. I’m trying to be better.”  Neil stepped away and wrapped his hands around himself as soon as Andrew let go of the zipper. 

Andrew regarded him with a careful look and snorted. “I wonder which one of us will despise the physical contact more.”

“Then you know I’m only doing it for your safety.”

“Fine, take me to Fox tower.” Andrew zipped up his leather jacket. “Just know I will cut you if you try something.”

“That’s okay,” Neil replied. He turned around and let Andrew climb on his back. He only waited for as long as Andrew needed to sit securely before shooting his web and slinging away.

Andrew had been resting casually on his back but as soon as they launched into the air he tightened his hold on Spiderman. His fingers dug in Neil’s shoulder and neck but he didn’t care. He could move well enough. And if he swung a little faster to get Andrew home sooner that was something only he would know. 

It took Neil over 10 minutes to get to Fox tower. He stood still on the roof of the tower close to the door that would lead them back inside. The door to the roof had been sabotaged before he came to live there so it didn’t lock properly. Andrew would be able to get in like this.

Andrew scowled when he got off and checked the clasps on his bag. His meds were clearly losing their edge. “Couldn’t you have put me down in the street like a normal person.” 

“I’m not sure if it’s smart to be associated with Spiderman. The police don’t seem to like me.”

“I’m not sure if it’s smart to be associated with Andrew Minyard. The police don’t seem to like me.”

“They will when you win Nationals.” Neil smiled beneath his mask and toyed with the slit in his gloves where the web would come out. “Everyone likes fancy athletes.”

“They don’t seem to like your gymnastic tricks.” Andrew stared out over the city. Fox tower wasn’t one of the tallest buildings as it was mostly student housing but it was fairly high up. It had a good view and vantage for when Neil had to swing away quickly. 

“Oh well they like me better with than without the mask and that says a lot.” Neil sat on his haunches. “Besides, criminal justice major, there’s more than the police to look out for in a city like this.”

Andrew sat down beside him, his knees pulled up. “There’s a lot you don’t know about this city spider kid.” Andrew wasn’t looking at him. Not really. But his eyes kept shifting to Neil and it wasn’t the look Neil normally got from him. “Although maybe you do.”

He was referring to the scars but Neil wasn’t ready to give up more of himself. Not tonight and not to Andrew. “I’m done with questions for tonight.”

Andrew accepted that without complaint until his phone buzzed. He read the message before standing up and walking to the door. There he stopped for a second. He seemed to think and Neil was content to look and watch him do so. It wasn’t often that he was able to have a coherent conversation with Andrew. It was almost nice. 

“If you feel inclined to answer more questions,” Andrew started. “I will do the same. “I’m here for an hour after midnight and sometimes a little before ten.” 

“Is that when you?” That’s when Andrew was his most sober. Most himself. 

“I’m not answering anything unless I get something in return.”

“My real name isn’t spiderman.” Andrew turned to give him one more tired look. 

“Come back when you’ve got a real secret.” Andrew opened the door.

Right before it closed again Neil yelled after him. “See you soon, Andrew Minyard.” He hoped Andrew wouldn’t realise just how soon. 

15 minutes later

Neil had swung down to the back alley of the building before changing out of his suit behind a dumpster. After a year he had extra sets of clothing stashed all over town, or specifically Brooklyn. He’d climbed the stairs as fast as he could but when he’d reached his dorm he could hear Kevin raging about him all the way from outside the door. Andrew was waiting in the hall. He was probably tuning out how Neil had given Kevin his game and he should be ready and waiting whenever Kevin wanted to practice because Neil needed the practice. 

Andrew’s back was pressed against the wall, eyes closed. He opened one at Neil when he approached. It was a bit heavy but Neil blamed it on the fading of the drugs and the attack on Andrew’s coffee. Neil nodded at Andrew before slipping past him into the dorm. Kevin now turned to him at the sound and continued yelling even as Neil stashed his suit in his sports bag and grabbed different clothes for after practice. 

“Kevin, it’s fine,” he heard himself saying. “I just went for a run.” Neil walked back into the room and Kevin fell silent. So did Matt and Seth who had been trying to placate him with the fact that Neil needed sleep and rest. 

“Last time I checked a run didn’t give you a shiner,” Kevin said. He crossed his arm. “I didn’t think you were the type to pick fights.”

Neil touched a hand to his cheek and registered the look Andrew had given him. It shouldn’t have been purple yet but the fear that Andrew would connect the dots was blooming in his chest. “I walked into a lamppost on my way out the door.” 

“And you didn’t think to come back and get it iced? Are you stupid?”

Neil grinned. “Sort of, it’s why I gave you my game remember?” 

He waved at Seth and Matt, shouldered his bag and walked out the door. Now just to find a way to get Andrew off his back but that would be a question for another day. For another night on the roof maybe as well. 

And another night there would be.

[queen-of-seventeen]

The Web of SpiderNeil

Hello, Spidey!Neil now has a part two. This part will be covering the first game, the kathy ferdinand show, and the canon death of a minor character. As well as Andrew and Spiderman opening up to each other on rooftops and porches.

If you want to read part one you can find that here on tumblr and here on ao3

Read it on ao3

Once again Spider!Neil is inspired by artwork done by @rainbowd00dles

______

Pregame

Neil threaded his fingers in the netting of his exy stick. The first game. The first game. The first game. His fingers had been sticking to everything all day and Neil had been tempted more than once to call in sick to his classes. It had been months since the nerves had worked on him badly enough to make him do stupid things. Like getting stuck to the courtwall when he laid his hand against it. 

Kevin walked up next to him. He didn’t touch Neil but it was a near thing. “Don’t let it overwhelm you. They aren’t here just for you.”

“They’re here for you.” Neil looked up at Kevin and tried to pull his hand from the wall. Stuck. Five fingers and a palm completely stuck to an inner court wall. Shit. Neil leaned into his hand to make it look like he was doing it on purpose. “One of the heirs of Exy after all. Although don’t let Seth hear it or he’ll be complaining all night.” 

Neil laughed awkwardly. Kevin raised an eyebrow before flicking Neil’s forehead. “Focus, Neil. You gave your game to me, remember?” 

Neil nodded. He knew. He knew. Kevin wanted him to be court and Neil wanted to be out of New York by the time their Edgar Allen game happened. 

Before Neil could respond he heard Andrew call out happily. “Kevin.”

Neil looked over at Andrew as well. He didn’t even look at Neil. All his attention was on Kevin and when Kevin walked over he started checking his hand for strain just as he had for every training this week. The only person Andrew was willingly touching.

Andrew looked up for a second and raised an eyebrow at Neil in challenge. “You look scared, rabbit. Do you already know where you’re running next?”

Neil’s hand unstuck from the wall. “On the court crashing their goals.”

“That’s what I’d like to hear.” Coach pulled Neil into the huddle by his shoulderpads. “I want you all to be as determined as Neil right now.”

The night before

Neil had taken the car back with Andrew and Kevin but as soon as he got to his room and knew Kevin and Andrew weren’t in the hall anymore he was grabbing his bag and leaving the room again. “I’ll be fine Matt. I just want to get a slushy from the seven eleven.”

“No seriously you don’t have to come with me. I’ll be fine.“

Matt sat back down on the couch. Seth had already gone to bed and Matt would soon as well. Night practice had ended earlier than normal because of the game the next day. But Neil couldn’t sleep yet. Most crime happened at night and he wanted to keep an eye on campus for a bit before going to bed. 

But he didn’t actually watch out over campus. Neil tried. He scanned the streets below him but his eyes kept catching on the glowing cherry of the cigarette across the street. Andrew sat on the edge of the roof, feet swinging, hand clenched around the edge. Neil cocked his head before laughing. It made sense now. The way Andrew clung to him when he brought him home. He was scared of heights. 

Neil hadn’t gone over to the other roof all week after rescuing Andrew last weekend. Most nights he was too tired or there were petty thefts he had to stop but his eyes kept coming back to Andrew. They kept searching for the small blond on top of a roof. Neil didn’t know how often he came there before Spiderman and if he would still come if Spiderman never showed up again. 

Well no need to worry about that now. Neil shot a web and slung over to the other roof. His feet were silent as he sank on his haunches on the ledge next to Andrew. One foot separated the two of them.  

Andrew didn’t look at him but it didn’t surprise Neil that he had noticed him anyways. “You showed up, Spiderboy.”

“I didn’t know if you were serious.” Neil hugged his knees, his feet sticking to the ground. “I don’t really do the friend thing well.”

“I’m not your friend.” Andrew took a long drag. He released the smoke when he looked at Neil. Behind the smokescreen Neil could almost pretend it was Neil sitting there instead of Spiderman. That Andrew wanted to hang out and want to know his answers but that wasn’t the case. Andrew, like everyone else, was only interested in the hero. The facade. 

“But you came here every night.”

“You really are a regular spy kid. Or a stalker. I haven’t decided yet.”

Neil dropped to his butt and stole the cigarette from Andrew’s hand breathing in the smoke through his mask. The fear from the beach still clung to the smell but something else did as well. Two boys in an alley pretending they could conquer the world. 

“What else haven’t you decided on?” Neil asked.

“Is that your question?” Andrew raised an eyebrow. It should look more menacing but Neil could see the bags under his eyes. Andrew looked to be getting the same amount of sleep Neil did. Very little. 

“Yeah, that’s my question.”

Andrew sighed before stealing the cigarette back. “You don’t even smoke it.” He ran his tongue along his teeth once. Twice. Neil was not looking at his mouth. “You’re not a New York native. You don’t talk like ‘em. It means you’re probably here for school or a runaway hoping to become an actor. In that suit, who knows I might be right in the second.”

Neil scoffed. “I’m not an actor and my accent is just fine.”

“Said the theatre kid. You. Do. Not. Add. Up. Spiderling.” 

“I’m not a math problem.”

“No. You are not.” 

They sat in silence for a while breathing in the smoke of Andrew’s cigarette. Neil looked out over the city. If Andrew wasn’t going to say anything he could continue being vigilant for an hour more before he went to bed.

Tomorrow they would have a game and Neil needed sleep if he was going to sit through an entire school day and have the game. He had a feeling sleep wouldn’t come easy before it either. 

Neil was about to stand up and played with the cuff of his glove when Andrew finally opened his mouth again.

“Do you do this on your own?” 

“What?” Neil furrowed his brows under the mask. 

“Do you have someone to patch you up? Someone who calls the problems through to you?”

Neil heard the underlying question. “I heard the yelling. I didn’t know there was an NCAA goalie in that cafe until I was already there. It’s just me doing this work.” 

Andrew hummed and pulled another smoke from his pack. He waved a hand to say that’s it and Neil nodded. He wasn’t going to play another round. He wanted to get to bed. It's not like he was stopping any crime by sitting up here anyways. 

Neil got back to his feet and shot a line out to the next building. He’d go back inside in a minute when he was out of Andrew’s sight. He pulled the string taut but didn’t yet jump.

“Andrew, why did you ask?”

He didn’t reply. He didn’t even look up at Neil but he stood up as well. “I have a first aid kit and a nurse who won’t ask questions.”

“I won’t be able to reach you. I don’t have a phone.”

Andrew scoffed. “I don’t care.”

Neil heard the door close at his back when he jumped off the roof.

The day after the game

Neil woke up groggy. He had spent the evening and a good portion of the night with his teammates celebrating their first win of the season. Neil just hoped it wasn’t their last win.

He also hoped it wasn’t really 4.30am. It was much too early to get up but Wymack had vetoed Neil’s right to sit out of the Kathy Morgen show. A minute after Neil’s alarm Matt’s went off ruining Neil’s hope of more sleep. Seth grumbled at Matt to turn it off before rolling over. He wasn’t forced to come on the trip. 

Neil stumbled out of bed. He grabbed a set of clothes and his “hero” bag from a chair and set to go into the bathroom. Matt was already stumbling into the kitchen. 

He pulled the suit on and pushed his hands through the slits at his wrists instead of putting on the gloves which he stuffed in the too big sleeves of his shirt. He knew it was too warm to be wearing long sleeves but he didn’t feel comfortable leaving the suit at home and he didn’t want security going through his stuff either. He stepped into his pants and shoes after. One check in the mirror to see if his contacts didn’t slide and his hair was still brown all over. 

Matt had set an extra mug of coffee down for Neil that he greedily drank down. “It’s too early.”

Matt grinned. “It’s slightly easier for all of us who go to sleep at normal hours during the week. I mean what are you even doing after night practice?”

Neil cast his eyes up and shrugged. “Guess I developed an addiction to seven eleven slushies.”

A chuckle came from the older guy and he sipped his own coffee. When he was done they decided it was time and went to pick up the girls in their room before walking downstairs. Wymack would have the bus waiting for them outside and they couldn’t have him wait too long. The apartments might technically be on campus but they were only two or three streets off from Brooklyn. The bus would be keeping up traffic and Andrew was right, New Yorkers were relentless. 

The foxes bus didn’t have four seats in a row. The seats on the left side were bigger than normal and the aisle was against the right side windows. Neil thought it was the best thing he’d ever seen when the team got in and he saw he wouldn’t have to share a row with any of his teammates. 

He saw Nicky and Aaron check their phones before starting up a conversation about people he didn't know or care about. Occasionally they'd say the name of someone on their floor so Neil assumed they were talking about the other teams but he couldn't find it in himself to care. 

Briefly he found himself wishing for a phone of his own. He didn't have many people to text but Spiderman- His alter ego might want to text Andrew. Check if he wanted to play another round of their game. Neil shook the thought off. Andrew was probably drugged to the gills at the moment and Neil wouldn't take adventage of that. And when he looked back he saw that Andrew was asleep as well. He wouldn't have gotten a reply anyways. 

Neil decided to close his eyes for a bit as well. He'd look over his homework on the way back from the studio. 

He got woken up by tingles all over his body. They started in his shoulder and pulled through his arms and spine to the rest of his body. He opened his eyes and jumped in his chair. His shoulder clashed against the window and he found Wymack staring at him.

"Coach?"

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty." Wymack diverted his gaze to the back of the bus. "Hemmick! You were supposed to wake them up miles ago." 

Neil turned around to watch Nicky in his seat. "You see, coach, I would." Nicky smiled sheepishly. "But I don't want to die."

Wymack grumbled and began marching to the back rows. He woke Kevin up with a hard shove and sent him marching down the aisle. Before Wymack could do anything to Andrew Neil spoke up. 

"I'll do it coach."

Wymack grumbled something about suicidal teens before making his way back to the front. When Kevin tried to sit down again Wymack turned him back around to make another lap. 

Neil squeezed past Kevin and sat down in the vacated seat in front of Andrew. "Andrew."

There was no reply. Neil wondered why someone who woke up so violently could sleep so deeply. "Andrew," he repeated louder. 

When there was still no reply Neil looked around him to see if anyone was paying attention before shooting a tiny bit of web at him and pulled it back as quickly as possible. It hit Andrew in the side and he woke up violently enough to almost fall out of his seat. 

Andrew glared at him for a second before calling for Kevin. He turned mid-walk and came back to throw an orange pill bottle at Andrew. He shook one out before stuffing the bottle in his own pocket. 

Neil wanted to know why Kevin had a hold on Andrew's meds but Andrew didn't have a deal with Neil and Spiderman didn't know about it. 

Neil waved at him before going back to his own seat. Dan handed him a warm coffee when she came back from her gas station run and sat down in the seat in front of him. Matt stood up to come over as well. 

Not a lot was said. Especially not about things that Neil would've found interesting. Not until they got to Spiderman. 

"His picture was in the paper last week," Matt said. "Said he stopped an armed robbery."

Dan looked at him wide eyed. "Shouldn't that be more of a police thing? I mean he looks small."

Neil tried to hide the furrow in his brow. He wasn't that small. The team was just made up of tall people. That wasn't his fault. 

“I don’t think height matters that much when you’ve got those powers. How do you think he makes that web stuff?”

“Hah make,” Andrew laughed all the way from his couch. “Make, made, Spiderling. He doesn’t make anything.” Andrew was grinning and Neil clenched his hands around the edge of his seat to keep himself from yelling. If Andrew said anything and someone figured it out.

“How do you know that?” Matt asked. He looked too curious for his own good. 

“Spiderling, Spiderling, does whatever a Spiderling does. I was there. Spiderling is a loudmouth.” Andrew played with the fabric of his shirt. “Nicky keeps track of him online. Bit of a fan.”

Nicky perked up at his name. “Some reporter or other got hold of a petty thief. He said the webbing doesn’t wash out of clothes. At least not easily. He just threw all his clothes out. But the article was taken down an hour later and nobody else was able to find the man.” 

Neil’s fingers clenched harder and he heard the bench creak louder. Someone was trying to clean up Neil’s messes. The problem was he didn’t know who it was and why someone would do it. The people Neil took on were harmless. There shouldn’t be any reason for any of them to connect Neil to Spiderman. 

He didn’t have long to think about it before Wymack stopped the bus in front of a studio. Neil wasn’t the last out of the vehicle but he stayed to the back of the crowd as he watched Kathy Ferdinand approach them. Kevin’s smile when he greeted her was the fakest thing he’d ever seen and he had seen his first Spiderman outfit. 

“Did you talk to him?” Kathy asked Kevin.

“Yes, Neil will join us today.”

Neil pushed Matt and Nicky to the side hard enough they stumbled slightly. “Neil is doing what?” He asked at the same moment that Wymack said, “Did you ask Neil about this first?”

“I’m not doing anything.” Neil crossed his arm and pointedly didn’t look at Matt or Nicky as they sorted themselves out from the slight stumble. 

“Yes, you are,” Kevin said and he followed through in French. “You gave me your game. This is part of that. You won’t be Court if your pr is shit.”

“Come up with something else. I don’t want to do this.”

“If you don’t do this I’ll wash my hands of you. You’re being ungrateful.” 

Neil’s mouth snapped shut and he dug his fingers in his arms. Kevin nodded satisfied and turned back to Kathy. “He’ll do it.” 

Neil sulked and tried not to stare after his team as they were led down a different hall from Kevin and him. He let Kevin pick out an outfit and changed in a toilet stall. During the wait for the makeup artists he tugged on his sleeves to make sure his suit was still all covered. Kevin said something about there being no need for nerves but even he looked weird when the makeup artist made a comment about the scars on Neil’s face. 

“You okay, hon? I didn’t think the rough life of a fox spread that far.”

“Just a couple scratches,” Neil forced himself to say. The reality was that most of his life on the run had spared his face but the people he fought as spiderman often didn’t. He could still feel the remainders of the bruise on his cheek as she pressed the makeup brushes against it. 

“Hmm, well perhaps they’ll spare your pretty face during the next game.”

 “Yeah, perhaps.” Neil tried to be nice but he couldn’t keep the relief off his face when they finally left and Kevin and him were guided to the side of the stage. 

Neil waited for Kevin to finish the introductory part of their conversation. It felt like an eternity before they would call Neil onto stage. A stage hand came up to him. She checked his mic one more time before telling him he’d be going on in a couple seconds. 

Before he went on Neil’s instincts tingled but there was nothing to do as he strode across the stage. Kathy welcomed him with a big smile. Neil shook her hand gingerly before letting go. He tugged his sleeves as he sat down and tried not to zone out while she was asking questions. It was all the normal stuff. Things about the foxes seasons. Speculation about Kevin and Riko's friendship, brotherhood as she liked to call it. Neil had to stop himself from gagging at the words. From what the foxes had told him Kevin had been a pet project for Riko and Tetsuji.

"I must say that I have a little surprise for you, Kevin," Kathy said. She clapped her hands and music started playing in the background. Heavy drums filled the air and Neil once more felt his senses go off. There was something very wrong. “Welcome, Riko Moriyama.”

Kathy stood up to hug the newcomer and Kevin tugged at Neil to stand up as well. Neil didn’t like the way Kevin seemed to be trembling as he hugged Riko. He did like the way he squeezed Riko’s hands just a bit too tight to be comfortable. It wasn’t like Neil would survive long anyways. Not if his face had been plastered all over the television the day before. 

“So, Riko, welcome back. This must be a nice reunion. How is it to see Kevin after all this time?”

Riko sat up straight but every word made him lean over more. Towards Kevin. Hands clasped in front of him. He was feigning concern. It nauseated Neil and for a second he hoped Andrew would come onto the stage. Neil knew it wasn’t possible and he felt quietly guilty when he looked over at the foxes and saw the way Andrew was restrained by his team.

“We of course hoped Kevin would have returned home when he knew he could continue playing. He may not have made it on the roster again but at least he would be giving his knowledge and energy to family.”

“So you wanted to keep him small?” The words left Neil’s lips before he could think about them. For years every persona until Spiderman had Neil watching his words and controlling his temper. He cursed himself for letting it snap at such a crucial moment. 

“I did not say that. Kevin is my brother. I would have liked to support him during his injury.”

“But you did not want him back on your roster?” Kevin’s fingers dug sharper into Neil’s knee with every word. “What are you afraid that the numbers on your cheek were tattooed preemptively? Because I think so. Kevin and you were already going head to head and instead of staying with the team with the highest chance at winning nationals Kevin decided on the lowest team in the ranks.”

Neil was on fire and he didn’t think he could stop anytime soon. “Kevin could’ve chosen for any team but he has decided to show his strength in getting the foxes all the way to the top. I think that shows more insight and skill than you could even dream off.”

“Aren’t you ashamed of wasting Kevin’s time and energy on a losing game?”

“Not as ashamed as you should be for keeping him small.”

Kathy’s head went from one to the other. When she got a signal she finally cut in. “Well Kevin it seems like they are fighting over you.”

Kevin laughs awkwardly.

“I think all of us are interested in this final question, Kevin. Where will you be next year?”

Kevin looked at Kathy, then Riko, then the crowd and Riko again. “I’d like to stay with the foxes for as long as they’ll have me.”

Kathy ended the segment and before she could say goodbye Neil had pulled Kevin up behind him and began walking to the side of the stage. There was only one thought running around Neil’s head. Get Kevin out of here. Neil was stronger than he looked and he could take a hit but Kevin was shaking and Riko knew Neil’s face now. Riko knew his face. Shivers ran down Neil’s spine and he pushed Kevin ahead, ahead, ahead. 

Neil’s head slammed against a wall. His back was to the wall and fingers clenched around his throat. Neil reached his hands up to Riko’s wrist when he heard a strangled “Don’t.” 

Kevin had turned back wide eyed, his hands twitched in front of him. There was no way of reassuring Kevin that Neil would be fine and no way of throwing Riko off that wouldn’t blow Neil’s cover. He looked at Kevin. “Kevin, go find Andrew.” 

Kevin didn’t need to be told twice. He quickly walked away and around the corner. “Kevin should know better than to let his dog run around like that. He should’ve nuzzled you when he had the chance.”

“I’m not much of a dog person,” Neil said. Something sharp edged beneath his shirt and he could feel it scraping along his suit. Which was a shame because the spider suit was expensive.

“But you will learn your place.” Riko pushed the tip of the knife harder against Neil’s ribs.

“Riko!” Neil turned his head to Andrew as he breezed through a doorway. “Long time no see. I hope our reunion is as awful for you as it is for me.” The smile on his face took on a dangerous edge and Neil saw him thumbing at the edges of his armbands. “You’ve got something of mine.”

Riko seemed to think about it for a second before letting Neil go. The knife scraped over Neil’s skin and the shallow cut burned. Riko stepped back and sneered at Andrew. “Enjoy him while you can, Minyard.” 

Andrew saluted Riko and pulled on Neil’s sleeve to get him to walk. 

That night

Neil didn’t get over the fact that Roland was so surprised Neil came back a second time. Nor the fact that Andrew only gave him closed cans of coke that night. There was safety. A promise of protection that Neil hadn’t dared to believe when Andrew offered it. A promise that he had felt bad about taking up.

Neil was a glorified superhero. Spiderman in his suit, flying across the streets of Brooklyn with only a string of web to keep him from smashing against the ground. Being Spiderman was as much freedom as the Exy court ever provided him. Being Spiderman was everything or almost everything. 

Andrew had driven Neil, Kevin, and his cousins over to a house in the suburbs. Their house in the suburbs. Neil couldn’t believe his old apartment was only a couple blocks from there. It seemed like so little that seperated Neil’s start and Andrew’s past. 

The cousins and Kevin started making their way to the front porch. Neil stayed behind a bit watching the clouds and wondering if he could make another bout around the neighborhood. He was still staring when Andrew's phone went off. 

A laugh startled out of Andrew and coated the air. “It isn’t the first time, coach.” and slowly the smile slipped more and more off his face. “Over? Yes, I heard you. No. No, they’re drunk. Tomorrow, yes. Bye now.”

The beep of the end tone was loud in the air and Andrew turned to his family who were drunkenly staring at him. “Seth overdosed.”

“Again?” Aaron asked at the same time as Nicky said, “Why did he call you for it?”

“Because it was the last time.” Andrew tapped the phone to the palm of his hand. “Kevin warned them. They knew Riko would retaliate.”

“Last time?” The words seemed to break through the fog in Nicky’s mind and Neil’s eyes honed in on them instead of the sky. “He’s dead.”

“Yes. We go back to Palmetto when the three of you wake up again.” Andrew herded his family back inside. After ten minutes he came back out. His arms crossed. “Are you staying there, rabbit?”

Neil forced his feet to move and walked towards Andrew. In the back of his mind a thought lingered. Spiderman could’ve saved him. It was a stupid thought. Neil couldn’t have spent his entire night watching the entire team. He was only one man. Still the guilt wouldn’t leave him.

Andrew waited at the top of the stairs until Neil reached him. The inside light framed the edges of Andrew. It softened him in a way that Neil knew only the city lights at 1 am did as well. He wanted to reach out and trace the edges of his existence with his pointer finger. He wanted to linger and ask Andrew all the questions that had been building under his skin.

But Andrew didn’t know Neil like that.

Andrew knew Neil and he knew Spiderman. Two different entities with different wants and needs. The only thing they shared was their height and their acquaintance to Andrew. For a split second Neil thought about telling Andrew. About spilling the secret that writhed about within his bones. He didn’t.

Neil looked down at the hand Andrew held out for him. He reached and after a second something cold dropped into his hand. He traced the edges of the key with his thumb before looking up at Andrew. His eyes were almost swallowed by his pupils in the dark. “Come in or stay out here,” Andrew said. “I don’t care but make up your mind.”

Andrew went in and after a minute Neil did as well. Andrew had given him a key. Given him access to his home. It felt strange and heavy in Neil’s hands. He didn’t deserve this trust. He didn’t deserve to nestle himself in this life when he knew that he would have to leave New York. Perhaps Seattle needed a Spiderman? Or France or Beijing?

Neil crawled into the big chair and waited for the house to quiet down around him. He felt too big for his skin. He needed a run or a trip around the city. He wanted to talk to Andrew. 

After half an hour footsteps padded down the hall once more. Neil looked through half lidded eyes to see Andrew make his way to the front door again. His pack of cigarettes tapped against his leg in a nervous tick. 

Neil waited a minute before sneaking his way to the bathroom. He knew he could fit through the window there. He had done it before. He whipped away to the nearest ally, stashed his clothes and whipped back. He had to jog the last couple feet because the houses on either side of the road were too slow. And maybe Andrew would think Spiderman was just running around the neighbourhood.

Neil felt Andrew’s eyes on him without looking up. It was the only house with the lights still on at this time of night but he didn’t want Andrew to think he was here for him. Neil was here for Andrew.

Neil finally looked up, made eye contact with Andrew, and jogged over. “This isn’t Brooklyn.”

Andrew looked up tiredly from his cigarette as if to say, ditto. 

“What are you doing here?” Neil hopped from one foot to the next. 

“Mourning my favorite teammate,” Andrew deadpanned. “Is that really what you wanted to waste your question on?”

“Is it what you want to waste yours on?”

Andrew scoffed and scooted over to one side of the steps. Neil took it as the invite it was and sat down next to him. “I’m sorry about your teammate.”

“I’m not.” Andrew took a deep drag of the cigarette. When he turned he blew it all out in Neil’s face and Neil could feel his eye lenses squinting with the rest of his face. “What are you doing outside of Brooklyn?”

Spiderman shrugged. He didn’t know why he had felt the need to talk to Andrew. He didn’t know why he didn’t just do so as Neil. “You asked if I had anyone looking out for me last time. I don’t but I keep thinking that if I die in this suit nobody will ever know who I am. Was.”

“I’m not here to listen to your existential crisis.”

“Don’t you want to know who I am?” Neil wrung his hands. 

Andrew glanced at Neil and did a slow up and down. His eyes caught on Neil’s midriff. “I want nothing.” He stood up. “And you owe me a new shirt. You leaked web fluid on one of mine.”

“I don’t use webfluid.” Neil said. He stood up as well and tugged at the edge of his sleeve to show Andrew the slit. “It’s all natural.”

“That’s disgusting.” Andrew’s lips curled. “How does it work?”

“I don’t know. I haven’t tried to find out in a long time.” Neil stepped off the steps. If Andrew was going inside he’d notice the empty chair. “Good night, Andrew.”

Andrew tapped his forehead with two fingers. “Spiderling.”

Neil smiled under his mask as he jogged away. He pulled his clothes on at record speed before going back to the house and climbing through the window. He was lucky his fingers were sticky or he would’ve made enough noise to wake up the entire house. 

When he opened the bathroom door he heard a mug clattering against the stone counter in the kitchen. It could only be Andrew and still he went to look. “Can’t sleep?”

Andrew turned around. “Some idiot was hogging the toilet.” 

And that was that. Andrew walked out of the kitchen, careful not to touch Neil in the door opening and went into the bathroom himself. 

If Neil fell asleep calmer than he’d been for weeks that night that was a secret for him and him alone. 

[queen-of-seventeen]

Abandon who you love, love with abandon

Hungry mouths

Hello you can read chapter 1 and chapter 2. This fic updates every sunday and you can find them on my tumblr under noa writes tfc or read on AO3

 Neil had gone to the airport two hours before his plane was set to leave. He’d delayed coming in the hopes that it’d trick his father’s people. If they couldn’t find him there they’d either assumed he’d already caught a plane or that he’d never come at all. That’s what normally happened but maybe even people as stupid as them learned from past mistakes.

 When you sneak around airports as much as Neil has, you learn to spot and avoid security cameras. Everything had a blind spot if you looked good enough. And if you hacked the cameras with your laptop beforehand. That was part two of why Neil needed the hours before his flight. He sat in a corner on the ground looking for everyone in the world like he was just waiting for his flight. Just another man who couldn’t find a seat.

 Texts scrolled over the right side of his screen. One by one tiny camera views flickered on the top left field. The bottom held his playlist. Zayde Wolf scalded through his left earbud and he did a cursory glance over the top of his screen. No familiar faces yet.

 No Plank, Malcolm, Patrick to be found. Most of all, no father.

 Neil looked back on his screen. The text stopped scrolling and he adjusted a string of cameras leading up to his gate. It would leave a small track but he was using airport WiFi and it shouldn’t be able to track him.

 One by one he created a blind spot for him. He put a timer on it, setting them back an hour after his plane had left.

 It was a big ask hoping nobody would notice until then but he needed the time for plausible deniability that it was his flight.

 Neil shut off his laptop and put it away. Zipper open, shoving his clothes to the side, zipper shut. Carry on only. Only what fits beneath the chair in front of him. Always his laptop. His mother had hated his obsession with technology as he was growing up but the moments he’d been able to go to school had given him an obsession with coding that couldn’t be equaled with anything else. Now that his mother had passed away it even became useful. Neil didn’t have all the contacts she had and his money steadily ran out as prices increased and his life on the run continued. He’d never expected to be twenty-five and still being chased across the world by his father.

 On all accounts he should be dead by now.

 The bag zipped shut and slung over his shoulder as Neil stood up. It was heavy but that was a necessary evil when he’d had to leave his new backpack behind. He’d steal another in the United States. Maybe one of those backpacks that couldn’t be cut through with knives that the airports kept trying to sell him. It seemed fitting for the situation.

 Neil slowly made his way through the crowd. He made sure to keep to his blind spot when he heard the same deep voice from yesterday call out to him. “Junior? Is that you?”

 He could hear the mirth in Romero Malcolm’s voice. It was easily matched by Lola’s. “So sorry, that’s my nephew and we haven’t seen him in a while.”

 Now Neil was neither her nephew, or related at all to her. But he didn’t want to see her either. He pulled up his hood and walked faster. He could imagine them cursing right now but he didn’t look back around to check. They might just be chattering about their      “nephew”    .

 Their voices came closer again and Neil had to make a decision. It happened in a split second and Neil started running. Fingers glanced off his coat as he burst through the crowd straight into the path of the security cameras. He bumped into people left and right. A suitcase knocked into his knees and almost sent him sprawling.

 “Junior, get here!”

 “Get away from me! I don’t know you!” Neil yelled over his shoulder. He tugged his arms through the short straps of his duffle bag. He had to slow down a bit to do so but it was better than feeling it bump into his leg every step of the way.

 “Junior, please,” Lola called. Desperation coated her voice like thick paint on a new canvas. Lumpy and with a shaking hand.

 Neil saw a wall coming up and a big crowd near gate two. He needed to get to seventeen.      Fuck. Duck. Run.    He reached a hand into his Hawaiian shirt and grabbed a butterfly knife. He’d only have one chance to do this without getting caught and that was the element of surprise.

 His heart beat in his chest. It felt like it would reverberate out of his chest. The heavy thumbs shook his bones and his blood sped up. A staccato rhythm filled his very being as his father’s people chased him through the airport.

 He ran up right to the wall and kicked off it with a flip that was more reckless than necessary. He used it to turn back towards Lola and Romero. They didn’t slow down their run as he charged. A couple feet in front of them Neil’s plan finally formed in total. He sank into a slide right between them and used the butterfly knife to cut Romero’s bag off his shoulder. Neil grabbed its straps and stood up to dash away.

 Ten gates down he disappeared into the bathroom. He slipped into an empty stall and tried to calm his breath. He needed to get out of here. A bus wouldn’t be enough. They could probably guess what plane he’d want to take as well. He’d need to be smarter.

 He upended Romero’s bag. Documents, clothes and finally money. Neil quickly shrugged off his shirt and hoodie and stuffed them into his bag with the documents and money. He’d check them later and he was already through security anyway.

 Neil put on a sweater of Romero’s and stuffed the rest of the clothes in the bag. He took a minute to carefully hang it on the back of the door and calmly left the stall. He put on the hood and cap he’d stolen and left the bathroom.

 His bag couldn’t be disguised but it would have to do for now. He took out his phone and pulled up his boarding pass and documents. The line was long when he got to gate seventeen and he didn’t yet see Romero and Lola. Belatedly he realized they would be checking all the gates. They wouldn’t be fast enough.

 There was a chance that Neil could actually get out of here.

 Neil checked the board above his head. Ten minutes before take off. He slowed his pace to a jog and went up to the desk. "Hey, am I still on time?"

 He reached into his bag for his papers and handed them to the lady.

 "Just. We were beginning to close off mr... Barry." She had a thick Australian accent and after months of living in Australia Neil had to force himself to shake it off and affect his American one.

 "Thank God, am I right?"

 The lady let out an awkward chuckle and let him through the hallway. Neil went into the plane and slipped into a small seat flanked by an old man near the window. Neil had an innate distrust of man his father's age and the neck pillow and fleece blanket did nothing to dissuade that trust. He'd seen how his father acted around other people when he was young. He had the scars to prove how he acted afterwards.

 Because he had never been enough. Never quiet or still or obedient enough for the guests.

 But he didn't have to worry about that anymore. He'd never see his father again. The only way he'd do so was in a bodybag after fighting for his life.

 He swallowed through the ascend of the plane and tried to sleep through the entire flight. Worrying won't do until he touches down again.

 --00--

 Andrew would never admit he had an obsessive personality. It wasn’t something he did. He didn’t get attached, he didn’t want anything and he most of all didn’t obsess over anything. Besides maybe the poor romantic life of his twin but it wasn’t his fault Aaron was a loser.

 This moment would be seen as factual proof by his boss and colleagues that not only was he obsessive it was addictive. Renee had left the office a couple hours earlier when nothing was turning up. She trusted the security at Sydney airport to forward them the correct information if they found something. Andrew didn’t share her senseless faith.

 His head made a loud      thunk     when he dropped it on his desk.      Thunk. Thunk.     He had to think better. He had to be smarter. He wouldn’t be outsmarted by a guy who hadn’t even gone to school.

 There had to be a reason why Nathaniel didn’t show up on any of the camera feeds. Renee and Andrew had been combing through footage for hours before she gave up for the day. But none of the cameras showed the guy.

 Andrew dropped his head once more. Sparks showed on the backs of his eyelids when a thought shot through his head. He scrambled to grab it by its coat tails before it dissipated to smoke once more.      Blind spots.    Nathaniel had gotten away through a blind spot. All Andrew had to do was find them.

 He returned to the same images that showed on the screens in front of him all afternoon. One by one it started clicking in his head. He couldn’t move the images anymore but he could see how the images shifted slightly at two certain time marks in multiple spots leading up to gate seventeen.

 It was a straight line without a view. Andrew debated with himself to invade everyone's privacy and check the bathroom camera's before remembering Australian laws. There wouldn't be any footage in there.

 Fuck.

 His fingers were typing again before his plan had fully formed and Andrew was checking security breaches for the IP address used to infiltrate the system.

 Andrew called his roommate Kevin as he did so. The phone only rang once before it was picked up.

 "Andrew."

 "Yes, yes, have you fed Miss Furball already?"

 Andrew could hear the heavy sigh through the phone. "Yes, I fed your cat. Does this mean you're not coming back for her tonight?"

 "Bring her here."

 "Chuck won't allow you to have a cat at work."

 "My evil plan has been foiled. Bring the cat." Andrew hung up and stared at the codes in front of him.

         He wasn't done looking before Kevin showed up with a bag and a tray of food. It was all placed besides Andrew and he reached into the bag to grab his pet before continuing his work. Miss Furball, a dappled gray thing with a face that looked like she’d been smashed to a wall, purred on his lap and kneaded his leg before plopping down.

 It calmed Andrew enough that he was able to find the leak, even with Kevin looking over his shoulder.

 Kevin circled the room and stopped not just at the clue board but also at the still frame Andrew had of Nathaniel's face.

 "So that is the kid?" Kevin asked.

 "He's twenty five. Shorter than his dad and doing everything in his power to get away from his father's people," Andrew replied.

 Kevin rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "He's kid sized. I don't care that he's supposedly smart."

 "Supposedly?" Andrew clicked through and saw the airport wifi was used to modify the camera's. But maybe he could find the laptop used, hoping it didn't get ditched after use.

 "If you're right and he's not working with Nathan he has to be a genius to have survived this long. He may be a greater threat than his father."

 "He's also a free runner."

 "You don't say." Kevin dropped into Renee's chair and grabbed his salad. He'd long since given up trying to feed Andrew anything but burgers, chicken nuggets and milkshakes while he was working.

 Finally Andrew got through and he wrote the information about the used laptop down.

 Andrew chewed down two nuggets before checking what flight would've gone from gate seventeen at that moment.

 San Francisco. He could work with that. Andrew didn’t say anything to Kevin as his roommate continued to talk about his usual work troubles and the mess Wesninski had left for them on half of the globe.

 Andrew didn’t feel sad for his friend, not even when he hacked into the San Fran airport security cams and set up a ping for security threats. Andrew would fix everything for Kevin anyways. That’s what he always did and it’s what would happen when Andrew’s computer lit up as Nathaniel tried to mess with the camera’s. He was ready for it.

 He would find Nathaniel.

[queen-of-seventeen]

Abandon who you love, love with abandon

Hello, back with a new au and something that is plotted and thus will probably be finished. It’s an andreil hans and gretel au so I love it and hope you do to.

You can also read it on ao3

Andrew could feel a pair of eyes on him. They burned at his back but he refused to turn around. He rolled his shoulders and typed harder at his keyboard. He didn’t know what Renee and Wymack wanted from him but they’d been staring ever since he entered the office and it was getting tiresome. As tiresome as anything could get if it happened from eight am to three in the afternoon.

He wasn’t going to say anything though. He was above it.

The desk at which the blond sat was set up with a wall of monitors and the newest military-grade computer. Nothing but the best for the FBI. Even for their underfunded star squad. That’s what Wymack got for picking from the people who barely scraped through the psych test. Or failed it as Andrew had.

Yet here he sat.

His attention got caught by an irregularity in the code in front of him. Something was up in the Nathan Wesninski case. Andrew’s team had been put on the case after everyone else failed to pin anything on Wesninski but the FBI knew something was up. They’d known for almost as long as Andrew had been alive. Two years ago however Nathan Wesninski and three of his closest friends disappeared off the face of the earth. Or so they thought because Andrew had just found one of them.

He and Renee, the other tech nerd, had been working on this code for ages to flag bank accounts and passports that looked just a little too much like Wesninski’s inner circle.

“Andrew,” Renee said. She pushed off on the floor and rolled towards him. “Wymack asked me to talk to you.”

“And he thinks that’s going to work?” Andrew’s fingers flew across the keys. Passport, name of M. R. Mero. Malcolm Romero. Two clicks later Andrew had his picture up on the screen. Different eye colors but the same man. Mole above his right eye and shaving scar on his cheek. He couldn’t be the smartest or Wesninski wouldn’t have been able to avoid the FBI for so long.

“You’re listening to me now aren’t you.”

“I don’t know, were you talking about the scheduled zombie apocalypse for October.”

“Andrew…” Renee tried placing a hand on his but he pulled away.

“Renee, I told you not to do that.”

She sighed and twirled in her chair. It was a nasty habit she’d picked up from her girlfriend. “Wymack says you need to start pulling your weight on the Wesninski case. He wants to know what you want in return.”

“He’s already paying me isn’t he?” Andrew Switched screens and logged into a different database to start checking bank accounts. He plugged in the information and waited.

“Then why aren’t you doing the work?” David Wymack walked into the dark room. “Would it kill the two of you to open a window from time to time?”

“There aren’t any windows in here,” Renee said. Andrew heard a hair tie snap against her wrist meaning she put up her hair. “There have never been rooms.”

Wymack grumbled. “I’m assuming that Andrew hasn't put in any effort into the Wesninski case yet.”

“Not on my account,” Renee said.

Andrew rolled his eyes and the screen finally loaded up. New bank account for an Australian bank accounts for Mr. M. R. Mero. Gotcha.

He let Renee and Wymack talk amongst themselves as he checked the information a final time and flagged the accounts. He’d let them know if anything came of it.

Steps echoed around the room as Wymack walked to Andrew and dropped a thin Manila file in front of him. “I think I found your challenge.”

Andrew looked from the file to Wymack before pushing it off to the side. “I didn’t ask for a challenge.”

“You also didn’t ask for a job, you midget but here you are. Open the file.”

Andrew rubbed his face with both hands. He’d been at work for twelve hours. Seven am to pm was too long when his best friend insisted on drinking during the evenings.

He pushed the file to the side again and waited for Wymack to leave the room, he took Renee with him. Andrew heard their voices disappear down the hall before snatching at the file. Unwind the thread, open the folder, flick, flick, flick with his thumb. Three pages. Three pages of information. His eyes caught on a rectangular note paper clipped to the bottom of the first page. Andrew nudged it loose and turned it around.

It was a picture. A family one. After three years of working in the Fox squad, Andrew knew Nathan Wesninski’s face better than his own, even the young version, but it wasn’t even showing. Next to him was a woman, short, with light brown hair. On Nathan’s shoulders was a small boy. His face wasn’t showing but Andrew knew that must be Nathaniel. According to the note on the back about eight years old.

The picture seemed to be taken during a good moment, with the wife and Nathan smiling but Andrew wouldn’t have become FBI if he didn’t notice the little details. The bruises peeking beneath sleeves and the tension around the woman’s eyes.

Andrew put the picture to the side and read the rest of the file.

Andrew hadn’t felt many strong feelings since he was little but hatred for Nathan Wesninski was steadily burning a hole through his chest. The brutal ways Nathaniel and his mother had been abused were detailed on the three pages in the file. Andrew felt sick. 

His fingers didn’t shake as he put the file back together and shoved it to the side of his desk. He didn’t pace his office as he waited for the computer to light up with another hit on Romero. He didn’t do anything. He stared at the screen without seeing and watched the code shift as the program rolled on another screen. 

“Nathaniel Wesninski.” The name rolled off his tongue. It felt a bit sour. Like milk gone bad. “For all, I know you’re dead on some beach as well.”

“That’s what I need you to find out,” Wymack said gruffly.

Andrew swiveled in his chair and found his boss standing at the door opening. Wymack walked over and sat on a chair at the small table Renee and Andrew used to collect printouts. “Why me? Renee can do this? Another department could just as well track a dead man.”

Because it’s a dead end. Andrew crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair. “I don’t want to do it.”

“You will,” Wymack said. “Because you read that file and you want that eight-year-old boy to have justice just as much as I do.”

“You want me to find a murder victim? I’m an IT guy.”

Wymack shook his head. “I want you to find a twenty-five-year-old with a penchant for stealing his father’s money. I’ve seen the stuff Renee and you code. You’re the only one that can do this.”

Andrew could but that didn’t mean he wanted to. Nathaniel would have had years to figure out how to work around tracking. Every idiot with access to google could find out how to avoid getting tracked online. But fuck it he was interested. Nathaniel’s case hit a personal spot and it might help him to track down Nathan as well. 

“Fine,” Andrew said and turned back to his monitors. “But you’re bargaining with Chuck to get Renee and me an office with windows next time you see him.”

--00--

Rule number one of stealing is to not look conspicuous. Neil’s mother had taught him that when he was ten and left the supermarket by himself for the first time without paying for the groceries hidden in his school bag. He hadn’t gotten caught. Now fourteen years later Neil had just walked out of an old-fashioned second-hand computer store with a gaming laptop that had been there for cleaning. Neil Josten didn’t feel remorse about stealing it. After all, he was doing it for the greater good. 

His own bank account.

Neil ran a hand through his brown curls and walked into a cafe two blocks down. Not close enough to easily be found but also close enough that when he left the laptop in the cafe it may someday return to the rightful owner. Or it would just get stolen by somebody else. That wasn’t Neil’s problem.

The cafe he’d picked out earlier was slightly crowded. Just enough for him to blend in but also to have a table to himself. 

In all truth 'Don't be conspicuous' hadn't been his mother's first rule. There were many rules she'd imprinted upon his brain before she died on some sandy beach in America. Neil had never cared for the country he'd been born in and even less so now after his mother's death.

America was the country his father lived in. It was the country a previous version of Neil had been born in and spent all ten years of his short, miserable life. Then Neil left and saw the world. It wasn't any less miserable but it meant his life span was at least a little longer.

Neil walked up to the counter and ordered himself a sandwich and a black coffee. Don't be conspicuous. He waited in line, he told the girl to add a dollar or two to his tip and he spoke in the Australian accent he'd perfected over the past four months.

Four months of living all over Australia. Four weeks of driving along the East Coast. Four days of renting a room in Sidney with the money he'd pilfered from his father's contacts. It wasn't a grand life. It certainly wasn't the life of a pro athlete that he'd dreamt of as a kid but at twenty-five, he was damned proud he was still breathing every single day.

Neil collected his food and drink and walked towards an empty table in a back corner. He sat with his back to the wall and checked if nobody would be able to see his screen.

Drink, food, walls, privacy.

It only took Neil three minutes to crack the code on the laptop. A simple override code he'd learned in some IT class he'd followed at a German college. But now the real work. He took the driver out of his bag and connected the cables. A simple code scrolled across the screen and began downloading several programs onto the borrowed laptop.

The computer took long enough that Neil got to finish his sandwich. The programs opened in front of him and he got to work. Over the years he’d gotten accustomed to finding the hidden bank accounts of his father’s partners and his father. Nathan had been smart but there was always a telltale mark that something was his. Like a brand mark. 

Neil idly rubbed his shoulder. 

It took him about an hour to find the correct account and another two to hack in and transfer the money towards three separate accounts. Neil’s emergency account on the Cayman islands, one in the Netherlands, and finally a couple hundred towards a new bank account at the Bank of Australia. Courtesy of Neil Josten and his falsified passports and driver’s licenses. He’d pull the money out of there tomorrow at the bank. There was no way a machine was going to have all that money for him to cash out. 

And cash was needed. He was already leaving too much of a trail by using a smartphone and stolen laptops. Someone only had to get to his level and they’d be able to track the breadcrumbs from account to account until they found him. 

But twenty-five wasn’t enough. Neil wanted to get old. He only hoped his father would die before then. 

He ordered a final coffee to go before starting to meticulously delete every file he just downloaded onto the laptop and made sure to clean the trash can. He logged out of the account and logged in with obviously wrong passwords a couple of times before closing the thing. 

Neil opened his bag and pretended to put in the laptop. He placed it on the chair beside him and finished cleaning up his stuff. He got up and grabbed the coffee cup. Still warm. He raised a hand at the barista who’d helped him and walked out of the store. 

He rubbed his eyes. The brown contacts were bothering him. He walked towards the harbor and sat down on one of the benches facing the Opera house. 

Neil fumbled as he pulled out a pack of cigarettes. He was running out but he didn’t want to break into his emergency cash in case he needed to take a plane somewhere else. It took a couple of inhales before the cigarette lit. He took one more breath to keep it burning before watching as he let it burn down to the filter. He didn’t want the nicotine; he wanted the acrid smoke that reminded him of his mother. 

He ground it against the bench to stop the flame and pulled his phone from his pocket. It still felt dangerous and with nobody to call it felt useless but the internet was the easiest way to gather information about his father. Within five minutes he was looking at the New York Times.

A new team was put on his father's case. New people digging into his past and coming across the origins of Neil Josten. Neil shivered and got some weird looks from people passing by. He was bundled up enough for late winter in Australia but knowing someone else could come knocking on his door was a familiar nightmare clawing on the solid walls of his mind.

He stood up and grabbed his bag. He’d go to the bank first thing tomorrow. Right now he needed to pack his stuff. He needed to get a new passport. He wouldn’t sit here like a duck to be shot but he wouldn’t run for a while longer. Neil Josten was as cold a trail as any.

The door to his apartment was swinging open before he’d finished his plans. He’d move in two weeks. That was enough time to get his papers ready and get the money to buy his ticket in cash. He’d be untraceable on some other continent. He’d be running but at least he’d be free.

[queen-of-seventeen]

Abandon who you love, love with abandon

Chapter 1

The Famine

Chapter 2 can also be read on AO3

The bank was quiet for a Friday morning. There were only a handful of people waiting in the lobby and there was no queue for the bank teller. It made Neil antsy. On the one hand, it would be easy to spot anyone coming into the bank but people were also able to easily spot him. It would only take one crime junky to notice how much he looked like his father for his life to turn upside down.

Neil walked up to the counter and put down his passport and bank card. His passport was some of the best work in the business. He heard his contact even made sure it could be scanned when necessary. The debit card had the accompanying information.

Neil said hello and introduced himself. "Frank Meyers, need to pick up some cash."

The woman behind the counter looked over the top of her glasses. She judged his wrinkled suit and the way his hair curled across his forehead.

Neil smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, my girl told me to wear it. We're putting a down payment on our first house together."

The lady's face melted and she smiled back at him. "Your first home? How exciting. I remember how nervous Richard and I were. How much did you need, honey?"

It worked exactly like Neil had expected it would. He hated Friday morning but he’d scouted this woman last week. Sarah Jacobs was soft and Neil needed to use that. He gave his amount and turned away slightly from the desk when she went to get and count his money. 

He looked casual and confident when in reality he was scouting the place looking for faces that were slightly too familiar. 

At first, it was quiet. Mom’s walking in with strollers, businessmen looking for loans, and old people who weren’t able to pull money from the ATMs outside. 

He heard the wind whistle outside and the murmur of people not willing to be overheard. A flash of a tall man outside had Neil’s blood running cold. His muscles tensed and he turned around to Sarah. “Hey, I don’t know how long this is going to take, is it okay if I go pee right quick?” 

Sarah looked up, brows furrowed. “It’s only a couple more minutes. Surely you can wait?” 

Neil peered over his shoulder. The tall man opened the door for a woman who looked remarkably like him. Lola and Romero Malcolm. Neil leaned over the desk between his arms. “Yes, you’re right. If it’s only a couple more.” 

He looked over his shoulders once more. Romero Malcolm was staring right at him. A menacing sort of grin that promised a great deal of pain was to come for Neil. 

“Junior,” Romero shouted. “Look, Jenny, it’s Junior. Let’s see what he’s up to.”

“How have you been?” Lola asked as she walked up. 

Neil shook out his hands at his sides. “Great whenever I don’t see you.”

Romero bristled. He’d always been overprotective of his sister even though she was the more dangerous one. “You should have some respect for your elders.”

They were only a couple of feet away. Neil turned back to the desk. “I do it when they’re nice.”

Neil grabbed the money in Sarah’s hands and started running. His elbow was knocked into the ledge of the desk as he ran towards the offices. Double doors slammed open and shut behind him. The noise repeated when Romero and Lola followed him. 

Neil’s feet landed softly with each step and he scanned the doors looking for an emergency exit. 

People came out of their offices and stood in doorways when they heard the commotion. One lady yelled for the guards and a man tried to stand in Neil’s way. Neil looked around and vaulted over a table next to the man. The man yelled but Neil was already four doors further down. 

The emergency door popped up on his right. He yanked on the door twice before realizing it wasn’t opening. Lola’s laughter filled the hall. “That’s right, Junior, nowhere to run now.”

Neil grabbed a cabinet and quickly kicked the locks off the wheels. “Think fast,” he yelled before shoving it in their direction. He ran into an office and threw the door shut behind him. He power walked around a table and unlatched the window. He could hear Lola and Romero closer to the door now. Ignoring the shouts of the person behind the desk Neil jumped through the ground-floor window. He took three steps away before turning and sprinting at the building. He jumped and caught the ledge of the window. Within a couple of seconds he was on the roof of the building and started running. 

He didn’t stop until he was three blocks away and lay on his back on top of a building. The sun beat down on him but it didn’t matter. He’d left the passport and the bank card behind. He only had a fraction of the money he needed and his father, Lola, and Romero would be raiding his apartment soon. He couldn’t get back to any of the stuff he hadn’t brought with him. A bag with three outfits, a laptop, and some basic hygiene supplies. He rummaged in it. Oh, also a water bottle and an old granola bar. Thanks, past Neil.

He sat up in the middle of the roof and drank half of the bottle. He’d save the other half for an hour. First, he needed to check bus routes, but he couldn't stay in Sydney now. He opened his phone and scrolled through flights for the next couple of hours. Only two available cities. He clicked on San Francisco and reserved a ticket. He’d need to get to the airport as soon as possible to check in and pay for it. He could do it. It would take every penny he had on him but he’d be an ocean removed from his father's friends once again.

An entire wall had been converted into a murder mystery board. Red string led between pictures and files that had been pinned to the wall. Andrew was busy putting note cards and Post It’s on the important strings when Renee walked in followed by Wymack. 

“Perhaps it is time to tell Kevin his legacy isn’t going to carry him everywhere,” Renee said softly. 

Wymack hummed. “Yeah, it’s been long enough that Whittier doubts whether Kevin has ever actually seen Nathaniel while looking for Nathan.”

Wymack looked around the room in search of Andrew. “He’s my kid but I’m starting to agree…” Wymack did a double take. “Minyard, what the fuck is that?”

Andrew turned around. His eyes were bloodshot and his right hand was shaking hard. Pens were stuck behind his ears and there was a large coffee stain on the front of his shirt. “What, coach?”

“Coach? Minyard, what time is it?” Wymack crossed his arms and glared at Andrew. 

Renee walked over and gently moved around him to get him to sit down.

“Last time I checked it was three am.” Andrew sat down with a sigh and felt his body liquefy. They’d ruined his flow. 

“It’s ten in the morning.” Wymack rolled Andrew’s usual chair over and sat down on it backward. “You gotta sleep sometime, Kid.”

“It’s for the weak. I found a link. Found the man connected to it as well.”

“You found Nathaniel?”

“Better. Found Romero Malcolm. Someone’s been funneling money from his account.” Andrew stood up again and grabbed the skein of yarn. He put a couple of push pins between his lips and turned to the laptop he’d dragged over. He scribbled more words on a Post-it before putting it on top of a printed-out continent. 

“I think it’s Wesninski’s kid. Some accounts in the Cayman Islands can be connected to every bank account I’ve ever traced back to Wesninski. It’s been funneling money for some reason.”

“Full sentences, Minyard,” Wymack grunted. 

“Nathaniel Wesninski is the technological wünderkind behind Nathan’s disappearance each time.” Andrew felt about ready to collapse. His lungs only got shallow breaths and his head was spinning. The rush of finding this stuff was better than any drug he’d ever used as a kid. He’d never show it or tell Wymack or worse Wymack’s son Kevin this. 

“If you’re right,” Wymack said, “it’d uproot our entire search for him. He wouldn’t be a witness anymore.”

“I know.” Andrew finally sat down. 

Renee stood in front of the wall and checked every picture and note Andrew had put up. 

Andrew watched her check them. He scooted over to the laptop for her to double-check him. He was used to this. To the easy workflow, they’d created together. Most of the time she didn’t touch him and she respected his space, thoughts, and his peculiar habits. She never mentioned the time when she walked into work and he’d be sleeping at his desk. 

He’d be awake the moment she’d clumsily drop her bag. She did that on purpose and he knew it. Renee was quieter than a cat, never clumsy. She just didn’t want to cross his boundaries. 

It had taken hours for Andrew to set up the Pepe Silvia board. It was necessary. He needed to clear his mind so he could finally sleep. He wasn’t able to do that if he was worried about a kid on the run for his murderous father. No matter that the kid was twenty-five by now. Maybe Andrew could talk Wymack into letting him use his office for a long nap this morning. Going home would take too much time especially since Kevin would’ve fed his cat by now. 

Hmm, maybe Andrew did have to go home. Kevin would try to put Sir Fat Cat McCatterson on a diet. Like he tried with Andrew. The fridge was somehow always devoid of the ice cream Andrew bought that day. 

Andrew rolled his neck and crossed his arms. “There’s no need to alarm the rest of the team. It’s only a theory and a weak one at that.”

“There’s enough evidence to support you,” Renee said. She added a new string to a separate Post It. Where in the world was Nathaniel Wesninski?

The three of them stared at it for a bit. Andrew hadn’t had enough time to pull the evidence back that far. If Nathaniel was actually

Running it would make sense for him to have crossed the world by now. The same way Nathan had. Nathan wasn’t running from the law but hunting his son. 

Dots were connecting in Andrew’s mind faster than he could blink. His eidetic memory was good for one thing at least. 

A high-pitched beep ruined his concentration. Andrew bolted from his chair, sending it skittering against the table. His hands slammed against the desk as he searched his screens for the popup. 

There. 

The corners of Andrew's mouth lifted and it took him a minute to forcibly push them down again. It was a cat and mouse game but Andrew wasn’t an animal. He was human ready to crush the vermin under his feet. 

“Wymack, someone’s pulling on the fishing line.”

The older man walked over. Wymack kept his distance but easily found the screen Andrew was talking about. “Is it Romero?”

Andrew narrowed his eyes and scanned the info. It was the number used on the bank account to which Romero’s money was funneled. “Nathaniel. One ticket. He’s going to come here.”

“The states are bigger than Washington, Minyard.” 

Andrew shook his head. He needed access to the security cameras at Sydney airport. He checked the time of departure and quickly did the math. He needed access within the next couple of hours or he’d lose Nathaniel again. He refused to lose him again. 

Fuck, he thought, why couldn’t he just have run across the states?

“Get Chuck to let me access the security cams at Sydney.” 

“Andrew.”

“Wymack.” Andrew typed away. He was trying to force his way through their security. He’d apologize later. “This is how we’ll find out whether Nathaniel is working for his father or not. And if the cams show one of the others that’s just as good a lead as anything else.” 

Wymack shook his head. “I’m not bailing you out.”

“You can rehire me when I come out.” 

Andrew listened to Wymack walk away before turning to Renee at the wall. She was still staring, adding her own notes whenever necessary. “Renee?”

She turned around. Her smile had slipped from her face. “Remember those security pictures of Plank and Wesninski? I think Nathaniel is on them.” 

Andrew was halfway out of his chair before rethinking. He couldn’t go onto another wild goose chase over a paper world. He could find the real person now. That’s what he was paid to do. That’s what he needed to do. 

He wanted to find out every detail about a man that virtually never existed past the age of ten. 

“No.” He took a deep breath, face still devoid of feeling. “Nathaniel Wesninski may be walking at Sydney airport right now. You need to help.”

She heard what he didn’t say, we can scour the pictures later. It was a direct result of all their years working together.

Renee nodded and rolled her chair back to her desk before sitting down. She grabbed her computer glasses from a desk drawer that made too much noise and opened a couple of programs. “Tell me what to do.”

Andrew did. Forty-five minutes later they were in the system with Sydney airport security cameras and Wymack was back with permission and a direct entrance. He grumbled about regret and hiring practices but Andrew and Renee ignored him in favor of looking for Nathaniel on all the tapes. They didn’t have his face on tape but they knew to look past all that. 

Wymack got his son Kevin to bring them lunch and drinks before sending him off on desk research again. Renee and Andrew didn’t need his help. Technically they didn’t need Wymack but Wymack was able to read people within the blink of an eye. It didn’t matter that they were watching camera footage. Wymack was their best asset. 

At almost precisely three pm a young man dashed across one of the screens. Andrew wouldn’t have thought anything of it if it hadn’t made Wymack stand up. David Wymack was a sucker for a sob story and he was able to sniff them out like moldy cheese in a fridge. 

Wymack leaned over the desk, his face coming closer to the screen. Renee and Andrew duplicated it onto their own screens together with the next three cameras in that vicinity. 

Then all hell broke loose the man’s jog turned into a sprint, the duffle bag beating against his side until the man shoved his arms through the short straps. A makeshift backpack as he dashed between the other travelers. Three other people dashed behind him on the screen. Andrew was able to pick one of them out as Romero Malcolm. 

“It’s almost the entire crew,” Wymack muttered. 

Andrew didn’t reply immediately, too busy trying to follow the young man as he ran around. 

“Well, I was wrong,” Andrew said. “If that's Nathaniel he’s not participating in the hunt.”

“He’s the prey,” Renee whispered. She typed something into her computer and a new set of commands took over one of the lower screens. Contact lines with the Sydney airport security. 

Andrew watched as Nathaniel vaulted a bench. The young man turned, ran straight at Romero, and sunk into a slide. He took Romero’s bag with him. 

Nathaniel sprinted across the airport and then he was gone. Andrew checked multiple cameras and waited while Renee checked with security. Nothing. Nathaniel had disappeared with as big of a bang as he had appeared on the scene. 

Andrew hated him.

Thank you for reading please reblog if you like it or consider going to AO3 and leaving a kudo or comment

[queen-of-seventeen]

Coffee and cadets

Remind me to never promise an update schedule ever again. The holidays came up and my school deadlines and I have been unable to write for two weeks now. I will try and pick it up again after my deadlines.

For now just know the next chapter has an outline and I have started writing it. I’m just a lot slower than I normally would be

[queen-of-seventeen]

Coffee and Cadets chapter update

The new chapter of coffee and cadets is finally finished. I don’t know why I finally decided I can do this but it’s 4.5k long (twice the size of it’s regular chapters) and will finally be the fluff I promised you so long ago

Andrew closed his eyes. “I hate you.”

Neil lightly scratched his nails over Andrew’s scalp. He smiled when the latter sighed softly. “All the time?”

“99% of the time I hate you.” It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t blow you. But Andrew would keep that for himself. Because Neil had called this home. Neil had trusted him enough to share pieces of his past. Neil took care of him and let Andrew do small things to take care of Neil in return. Like kitchen work in the cafe, and scaring away the jehovah witnesses at the door and yes, also creepy waitstaff and Karen’s who thought they had the right to ask about Neil’s face. 

“I can live with that.”

[queen-of-seventeen]

Exy and school counselor Allison and Renee

So apparently I have severe brainrot about them for some reason.

Renee did not become a missionary in my headcanons because I don’t want her to be a colonizer. Not sorry.

Allison went on to become a famous exy player

She gave up her inheritance for exy i dont believe that she would just stop

but she does exy like riana does music and has a clothing line on the side which is very inclusive and she does her best to keep it that way

Renee didn’t immediately go after Allison during their college years

allison was grieving and renee was stil figuring out whether she liked girls by texting jean

in the end renee and jean just stayed friends

renee works as a counselor for troubled youth at a highschool with an exy team

she coaches the team there because she recruits kids with a bad home situation

she doesnt want anyone to end up in a gang like she did

allison and renee arent super close but one day renee asks allison for a favor

“could you please do a training with the kids to show them there is hope”

allison reluctantly agrees

they meet up first in renees office and allison notices the rainbow flags and casually asks about it

renee says shes a lesbian and only figured it out after college

allison tries to flirt with renee during the training but renee doesnt respond 

eventually one of the kids corners allison and after securing that allison wont hurt renee the entire team tries to parent trap the two women. 

after four seperate days renee finally clues on and asks allison if shed like to go out on a date

they do

they fall in love

they get married

the end

[queen-of-seventeen]

Because I love you, you idiot

Because I’m the worst possible person to work with, ask anyone. But here it is the andreil and kevriko Big Bang fic part 1. Reminder DONT LIKE DONT READ. Keep your anti stuff away from my blog. I’ll put a note when the kevriko stuff starts because now they’re just friends.

The art for this fic is made by @thematicallycoherent who is the sweetest ever to keep up with my sordid ass.

Summary:

Gilmore girls au in which Neil adopts Riko as a baby to give him a normal life in a small town.

[queen-of-seventeen]

My favourite drug

So my posting date was yesterday and I did post it on ao3, linked to my artist and all, but I also wanted to share it here on tumblr for everyone who didn’t see. 

ao3

the art by my lovely artist who was a wonderful person to work with and bounce ideas off and shoutout to @thespacebetweenworlds for betaing this and calling me out on rythm, word choice and plot. You’re an angel.

Also thank you gabriella for making  @aftgreverse and moderating, this wouldn’t be here without you!

Andrew washed his hands. First rinsing with water. Top, heel, between the fingers. Then with soap and rinse it all. He never missed a spot. He didn’t feel like trailing blood everywhere he went. Not today, not ever. If only Aaron hadn’t forgotten the beeswax again for his hands. His skin wasn’t keeping up with all the washing.

Done.

He stepped out of the room. This should be the end of his work day. He’d have to make dinner for Aaron and prepare for Nicky’s visit from Germany. He should give Katelyn the week off, he didn’t know if he’d given her a break since he hired her years ago. Nicky could take over some tasks and Andrew would be off work a bit more. His cousin was at least notorious in that.

Andrew was already getting a headache when he thought about it. He didn’t hate his cousin but like was too strong a word. At least Erik and his hot chocolates were coming also.

The family of his patient hugged him when he told them their husband and father wasn’t going to die. Why did people feel the need to hug strangers? It was nauseating. Too bad he couldn’t stab them, it wouldn’t do his reputation good. He did have to be a “good” doctor in the end and not kill anyone. Like the man who had lain on his table.

Would he react the same way if it was Aaron or Nicky on that table?

No. He hadn’t cried like that after Aaron’s accident. He just had to crash the GT, hadn’t he?

He told the family that they would be updated by a nurse from now on and Andrew’s day was over. Besides, nurses did more work than he did, he just had to cut people open and stitch them shut. Easy deal.

Someone screamed outside. Probably a woman who would barely make it into one of the delivery rooms. Nothing for him to do. He made his way to the staff room when someone called his name. It was Boyd. He worked at the ambulances and was always too curious for his own good.

“Hey, Andrew, we kind of need your help? Someone has to stitch up Neil and he won’t let anyone but you do it.”

Andrew remembered Neil. He never forgot anyone, but least of all that auburn haired man that could always be found near Boyd. And if people knew little about Andrew they knew nothing about Neil. Which might be why Neil had picked out Andrew to stitch him up. The young man was full of dumb reasons.

Andrew waved a hand to make Matt follow him to an exam room with Neil.

“You’re doing it?” Matt asked. His jaw dropped and he ran a hand through his hair. “I mean great. Please do it quickly. I have no idea how much blood he already lost. Some freak outside stabbed him and he doesn’t even want to take his shirt of so we can put pressure on it.”

Another thing about Neil that didn’t add up. Andrew followed Boyd to one of the smaller examination rooms. He made Boyd wait when he went inside. The glass matte to keep from onlookers.

Neil looked up when Andrew walked in. Andrew’s face turning into a scowl. “You really had to be helpful today of all days?”

Andrew raised an eyebrow and got his supplies from the different drawers. Needles, thread, antiseptics, gauze. From the still spreading blood stain on his arm. He spread them out on the small table and leaned back on a stool. “I get paid to stitch you up.”

Neil remained silent. His eyes flitted to the door and back. Flighty little thing, wasn’t he? “I can stitch myself up.”

“Everyone here can stitch you up.” Not a lie. They all went to school for some form of medical programme. Andrew was certain that only a couple of the desk clerks didn’t know how to stitch up a simple wound or put a couple swallows on them until someone else came to close the wound. “I have a proposition for you. Either I let you stitch it up yourself, wait until you faint from blood loss then still do it myself and hook you up to an IV.”

Neil turned white. “Or? I only heard one option.”

“You let me stitch it up and you can be out of here in a couple of minutes with doctor patient confidentiality, of course.” Andrew crossed his arms. He missed his knives. Too bad they couldn’t go with him into surgery. He could just as well incapacitate Neil with a scalpel.

Neil stilled before taking a deep breath. “Okay.”

Neil took of his coat. He didn’t seem bothered that Andrew wasn’t helping. Andrew was almost certain that neither of them wanted to get close to the other right then. Neil with his reluctance to be helped and Andrew just not wanting to be touched after surgery when he could still feel the blood under his nails.

He had washed his hands right?Rubbed them raw under the streaming water. Top, bottom, between the fingers. Then with soap, top, bottom, between the fingers. Rinse again. Rub them in with beeswax or hand lotion. Take better care of yourself, Andrew. You’re useless if we’re both stuck in wheelchairs.

Andrew blinked twice before he rolled his chair closer to Neil. His skin was pale and sweaty. Not attractive. Not at all. Neil stayed quiet as Andrew numbed the skin and picked up the needle. He didn’t flinch when Andrew stuck it in. “Staring.”

Neil hummed but didn’t look away. He didn’t look at his arm either. He was lucky that the knife hadn’t gotten stuck in one of the bones.

“I didn’t think you would agree,” Neil mused. “Everyone is always saying that you stick to yourself. That you only got in because you know the shrink and stuff.”

“And you believe them.” He said it like a fact. He knew that was what others said about him. One of the nurses, Renee, told him about it during their sunday brunch.

“I like getting my information from the source.” Neil didn’t ask anything else. He kept quiet for a bit. “This is the first time I’m getting stitched up by someone who isn’t family.”

Andrew fought not to react and tied off the thread. His fingers tied the bandage without touching Neil’s skin again. Tight, but not too tight. See Aaron, I know how to tie a bandage.

Neil cocked his head a poked at the bandage. “You’re already done.”

“I don’t waste time.” He started cleaning the equipment and threw out the needle. “Keep it clean but don’t get the wound wet under the shower. If you have any questions, but I doubt the hospital would make hiring decisions that bad, you can ask one of the nurses on the third floor.”

“You work on the third floor?” Neil’s eyes widened. They were too blue to be true. Maybe someone had slipped something in Andrew’s drink and he was making this all up. Like he made up half of his teenage years before Aaron came into the pictures. All the good memories fell under that category.

“Kevin never told me that he works with you.”

“We don’t.” Neil stayed quiet. “We both have our own team. Kevin is the best neurosurgeon this hospital has. My office is on his floor but I work in transplants and amputations.”

“What if I’d come to your office for advice on how to clean this?”

“I get paid to humor everyone with an appointment.” Andrew was finished with cleaning. Why didn’t he leave? Why hadn’t Neil left already? He should be gone. Should go up in smoke. Gone. Out of Andrew’s sight. “Make one and you’ll see what happens. I’m leaving.”

Andrew didn’t look back when he left the room. He certainly didn’t think he should get Neil’s phone number. It’s not like he’d need it for anything. Not like he wanted to speak to Neil or any of his stupid colleagues again.

**

A surgery is a series of complex steps to make sure you don’t accidentally kill someone for a service they asked of you. In other terms: People ask you to consensually stab them in places where they’ll survive.

In this instance Andrew had been needed to do a liver transplant. The woman who got it was lucky. Some guy before her on the list had drunk alcohol. Stupid mistake. There’s only so many rules for a transplant and he messed up an obvious one.

The lady of the transplant hadn’t drunk even once in her life she said. Andrew had no reason to believe her but the blood test came out clean so it was good enough. Good enough for the hospital and good enough for Andrew to stab her in name of his brother. Minyard. How did he even get settled with such a stupid name? With a dumb twin and a dumber cousin who was sleeping in their guest room with his kid and husband from Germany.

Why was family important enough to come visit so far? Andrew wouldn’t do that.

He poked his mashed potatoes with a fork. The texture was wonkey. It wasn’t smooth like it should be and Nicky would be horrified at the bland taste. How unfair life could be to get paid so much but still have such lousy food. He doubted that prison food tasted better. Even with perfect recall, tastes were always difficult to remember.

Like that one piece of chocolate he filched of a younger foster sibling, or the cookies he hoarded before they would cut off his dinner. He deserved better. He might be an angry midget but everybody deserves food. It might be why going to med school in Aaron’s place wasn’t that bad. He already had the credits and Aaron was his motivation letter. This way he could save someone in the same way he had failed his brother.

Telling himself it was just a car accident was both a lie and the ugly truth. Andrew knew what tempered breaks looked like and that Aaron was never supposed to drive in his car. If the police hadn’t found the guy responsible, Andrew would’ve killed him with his bare hands. Nobody touches the people Andrew promises to protect. Except for that time.

The chair opposite of him made an awful screeching sound before Neil sat down. He had to grace to flinch. A steaming ceramic cup warmed his hands. The last remnant of winter had probably seeped in his clothes during his shift.

Why was Andrew thinking of this? It must be the blue eyes.

“I got an appointment,” Neil said. “During lunch hour because you have real appointments of course but I know you still get paid during breaks. Kevin told me.”

Kevin was a traitor. Andrew knew that already. Kevin always had to talk to other people and complain about Andrew. When he wasn’t complaining about Andrew, his apathy towards mistakes, and his poor social skills, he was complaining to Andrew about people. Now Andrew would feel bad for those people only he didn’t like those people and zoning Kevin out mid rant was part of his poor social skills. Now that he was looking at Neil he noticed some things. Neil was a short, flighty, redhead. Which was part of the description Kevin had given at the beginning of his rant. Some stupid red headed midget who always claimed the trackmill in the gym.

Andrew would ask if that’s how Neil knew Kevin. But that would imply Andrew was interested in it. He wasn’t. Not at all.

“I don’t think you have an appointment right now,” Andrew said. “For one, I’m eating and didn’t ask for you to be here.”

“I didn’t see anyone else sitting in this chair.” Neil grinned and ran his finger over the rim of his mug. A real mug with what seemed to be real hot chocolate, with milk, not water.

“The chair’s reserved for my doppelganger. Ask him if you see him.”

“There could never be two of you.”

“That’s just a lie. How did you graduate if you don’t know about twins, triplets, quadruplets, need I go on?”

Neil cocked his head and smiled. He ran his fingers over the rim of the mug again. “How hard must your parents have had it with two of your personality.”

Andrew raised an eyebrow. He watched the smile slip as Neil looked over his shoulder.

“I have to go.” He stood up. The mug still on the table. He hadn’t drunk from it even once. “Matt’s signaling.”

“You’re forgetting your drink.”

Neil looked back over his shoulder, that damn smile back. “I never liked hot chocolate. Consider it a thank you.”

Andrew’s fingers wound around the mug, lukewarm by now, to throw it at Neil’s head. He didn’t do it. Only because he needed this job. Needed the big sums of money to keep paying for Aaron’s care. For Katelyn and the wheelchair, the special shower, all the medication and physiotherapy.

He took a swallow as he didn’t watch Neil walk away. Didn’t watch his ass like he was back at Eden’s with his brother at his side and his cousin on the dance floor down below.

When were Nicky and Erik coming over again? He still had to hire somewhere to clean the house. Someone to pick up the cigarette buds and empty bottles. He never noticed if Katelyn threw them out or not. He didn’t like to spend time at home at all.

He should visit Bee again. See if she could figure out what was going on in his head. He wasn’t able to. Not now. Not when his life was catching up to him.

He would have to figure that out soon enough, but not when he was a mess. Not now. Not now.

**

Home was a mess. Everything was dirty and Andrew didn’t want to clean everything. Even if Nicky was coming that evening. Andrew and Aaron were going to pick them up in a couple of hours. He couldn’t believe he had taken two whole days off for Nicky. Aaron would be able to entertain him way better.

Aaron leaned forward out of his chair, almost sliding out. His fingers just touched the knight enough to scoot it a bit.

“Be careful,” Andrew snapped. “We should’ve sat at the kitchen table.” That way he wouldn’t have to pick his brother up from the floor.

“I told you, I like the view better here. It’s a great garden. Katelyn offered to plant some flowers. You know it being spring and all that.”

“Bulbs have to be planted in the winter. We wouldn’t have tulips if we had to wait for Katelyn to plant all of them.” He didn’t like Katelyn. Didn’t like how she pried in all the cupboards when he already told her where the meds were. How she insisted Andrew had to clean more because it was better for Aaron.

He didn’t need a stranger in his bathroom. It was his bathroom, his bedroom, his home, his brother. The only reason she was here was because Andrew was living Aaron’s dream. He could’ve been FBI or CIA or just a regular cop by now. He had studied for it in the first years of his college education.

Then came the car. Andrew became a surgeon and Aaron was bound to a desk at the newspaper two days a week. He was a better writer than he first thought, at least. Imagine all the threats they’d get over false news otherwise.

Aaron leaned forward again and this time actually managed to move the knight without knocking over the whole board.

“You’re setting yourself up to lose.” What was his brother doing? They had played together for years now. Aaron knew what a losing move looked like.

“If I can win from this position I want you to do me a favor.” Andrew looked over the rim of his reading glasses. Contacts were for work days, and the dates he couldn’t go on anymore.

“No,” he said. It couldn’t only be bad if Aaron was asking that of him. Maybe someone at his work asked him out out of pity. The guy that can’t walk, only has so many fingers. Must be fun to see if he can get it up, right? He wouldn’t allow for someone to use his brother like that.

“You didn’t even hear what I want to ask of you.” Aaron let his wheelchair bump into the table before he moved a piece.

“I said no. I won’t do you anymore favors.”

“When have you ever done me any favors?” Andrew could almost imagine his twin standing up. He always wanted to be taller when he got angry. It was why Andrew stayed seated in the low chair.

“The last time I did you a favor you got yourself hit by a car and destroyed mine, remember?”

Aaron visibly flinched and sunk down in his chair. “I wanted you to drive me to a restaurant, okay. Katelyn asked me to try out some icecream with her.”

“You want to go on a date?” Aaron nodded. Andrew folded his hands. He had to say no. He had to protect his brother. Protect him as if they were thirteen again and Andrew was the only thing between Aaron and his mother’s hands. Between Aaron and another hit. “If Nicky is still here by then you can get him to drive you.”

“Is that a yes?”

“You’re thirty-two. I’m not driving you.” He stood up. His hands itched for a whiskey he hadn’t drunk in years. They didn’t mix well with Aaron’s meds. He could almost taste the burn in his throat.

He grabbed water with ice instead. A second glass already in his hands filled with lemonade before he thought of it.

The stool felt warm and gross when he sat down again. Why didn’t chairs ever just feel neutral?

His fingers moved his queen in reach of Aaron’s knight. He knew he was setting himself up to lose also. Aaron gave him a look like he understood. He could never. He had never given up the last shreds of what he wanted for someone just because he made a promise. Aaron never kept his promises anyway.

It took ten more minutes before Andrew’s pager went off. Buzz, buzz. He reached for it in the same moment that Aaron got him checkmate. The queen was gone and Andrew had nowhere to go.

Emergency. Ambulance incoming in 20 minutes.

Aaron looked chagrined. “Hospital?”

“I could ask them to page Kevin.” Andrew took a sip from his drink.

“You could save someone’s life.”

“Or end it.”

Aaron gave his brother a cold look. “You’re going to save them. I’ll call Nicky to drive Erik and him over here or I’ll call Katelyn and she can take us to and from the airport. We both know she doesn’t have much other patients with the amount you pay her.”

“I wasn’t the one who said I couldn’t have more than three sports cars.” This didn’t improve Aaron’s look but Andrew’s mood went a bit up. Today was supposed to be their brother day after all and the surgery was messing it all up. “Call Katelyn. See if she still likes you after meeting Nicky.”

He pulled on his coat and closed the door before Aaron could reply. His brother was going to get his heart strings pulled. No big deal. It wasn’t like their agreement was still running. Aaron had broken it one to many times. And Bee said it was time to let things go. They were both thirty-two after all.

The Maserati wasn’t his normal work car but he needed to be there quick. The nurses and other surgeons on his team were probably already prepping the room. He still had to dress and clean. He was too slow.

His feet pressed on the peddle a bit more.

The doors slid open in front of him and he didn’t remember half of the trip there. That wasn’t a good sign. It was never a good sign when he was losing time like that. He should get it checked out. There probably was an explanation for and Bee wouldn’t put it in his report if he asked it during a friendly dinner.

The blue scrubs he wore were still clean. His head was still full. There was so much that could be happening at the moment. What if his patient had already died in the ambulance. Then he’d have left Aaron alone for no reason.

Andrew let someone pull on his gloves. It was long ago that he didn’t dare pull his arm guards off but they weren’t hygienic enough for a surgery. He had no choice. No choice but to almost flaunt all his scars to his team. He saw Renee in a corner. The blatant lie that she didn’t want to be a surgeon. He knew she’d had the training. He knew that she only became a nurse because she got more contact with people that way. It was why the boss was so reluctant to give her a raise, fucking Joan of Arc didn’t care for it. Stupid.

In the end a surgery was just as much the use of the right equipment and team. Andrew knew he had both.

It was a surprise for him when it turned out that he hadn’t known everything from the start. He knew it had been a car crash. Look out for internal bleeding, for ruptured organs, for anything. He hadn’t seen the blood at the start. It was a body, there was blood everywhere, always. Robin was good at suction and watching over abnormalities and he was glad Jack had been transferred to Kevin’s team.

There was more blood than planned. At the bottom under the liver there was a small gap. A rib had punctured it and nobody had told him. He’d have told them how low the chance of succeeding was if they had. Now he had to save the dickwad on his table because someone else forgot to tell him stuff.

No time to think. He had to act. To save the man.

He did. He did save the man. Barely. He wasn’t sure how much of the spine was messed up during the drive, the stretcher, the man handling and the surgery. He could’ve just messed up the man’s chance at walking. Not his fault. Not his fault. Not his fault. He told himself.

This is nothing like Aaron’s accident. He had no control over Aaron’s accident or surgery. Aaron was already done for before the medical team arrived on scene. It was a miracle his brother was still alive. If Andrew believed in miracles. He didn’t. Miracles were for the hopers and the hopeless. He was neither. Faith was a waste of his time and had never gotten him anywhere.

It had only gotten his hopes dashed. A very visual imprint of you don’t deserve this . He hated it.

**

The steps at the back door were cold. The only time they were warm was when your butt would melt into one of the steps themselves. At the moment they just turned Andrew into a popsicle. It wasn’t good for him to sit there. He might get a UTI or some other disease from the bacteria that lingered there. The bacteria that would seep into his lungs and might finally make an end to his misery. Long ago he had thought it was his time to go. The world hadn’t agreed with him. Instead they’d tried to take his brother away.

He hated the world and the people in it.

He pulled his last packet of cigarettes out of his backpack. The flame already leaving the smoke he so desperately needed in his lungs. Starting to smoke had been a mistake. A mistake from 13 year old Andrew. Now he had to live with it. He craved the ashes on his tongue as much as he craved control. Maybe becoming a surgeon hadn’t been so bad an idea. He now controlled life and death after all.

Who was he kidding? It was awful. He much preferred singling out murderers and criminals faster than any other in his class. Yet another thing taken away from him.

He blew out the smoke, watching it cloud his sight of the Maserati. The car bought from his first big paycheck. The others had all gone to Aaron. No. No more thoughts of Aaron. He let the smoke billow around him before inhaling again. Let the smoke fog up his mind and cloud his judgement.

His thoughts became fuzzy. He needed fresh air. Clean of the nicotine to keep him alive. Bee would tell him to breathe.

“You’re a smart man, Andrew. You could do everything you want. Yet you follow your brothers dreams.”

But Betsy was a fool. She didn’t know anything of Aaron. Mostly because Aaron didn’t want to talk to the psychiatrist. She also didn’t know of their little agreement to look out for each other and stick together. One that Andrew was slowly loosening up as he let Aaron go out for a single date. Okay, he did it because Nicky would be nagging too much otherwise but still. Andrew would put his brother in first place even if he only ever got second, or third, fourth on a bad day.

Stupid.

The door opened with a whoosh and slammed shut. Andrew glanced sideways to see Neil sit down on the steps a careful arms length away. He always seemed to do that. Staying a careful distance away. Hmm, what would Bee say about him? He should ask her during their next lunch. As far as Andrew knew Neil wasn’t a patient so Andrew should be able to ask her.

He blew out a big plume of smoke before locking his gaze on the Maserati. He could feel Neil staring, those big blue eyes burning. Andrew allowed himself one more sideways glance. Neil was sitting on his hands. Andrew was barely able to stop himself from wondering about those strong thighs. Damnit, maybe he shouldn’t have given up Roland those years ago. He could’ve gotten a decent fuckbuddy out of him.

“Staring,” Andrew said. He put the cigarette down. It didn’t taste good, nor did the one after that. He had three left in the package before he gave up. It wasn’t a good time for smoking anyway.

Neil hummed. “Looking at you is better than Matt’s face. He gets these big sad eyes every time I tell him I haven’t done something.” When Andrew didn’t react he went on. “Like ice skating, or to the cinema, taking pictures for your own apartment. I didn’t even have an apartment before this job.”

Andrew looked at Neil as he leaned over his knees. Neil’s hair lit up in the early evening sky. It made him look like a fire and Andrew was the one getting burned if he kept at this for any longer.

“My mother left my father when I was eight,” Neil continued his monologue, “both of them died before I was eighteen. Lived in England for a while. Got my drivers license. Lost it again. Got it again in America. I’m very determined to not lose it a second time. Maybe keep to the speed limits a bit better.”

Andrew snuck glances at him while he rattled on. They were small bits and pieces about Neil’s life and while they seemed logical it didn’t add up to the person he tried to be. The Neil who was friends with Boyd. To be friends with Boyd you had to either be a puppy or as close to it as a person could be, or a kicked one. He was beginning to think Neil was the latter.

“I’m thinking of a getting a pet,” Neil said. “Matt says I should get a dog. It could go on runs with but to be fair I don’t want it to chew up my couch.”

Neil caught Andrew’s eyes and smiled. Too sharp for a puppy. He grabbed Andrew’s cigarettes only to get the matches out. It sparked and the flame lit up his eyes. A strange blue, not yet grey but very light. Like a midsummer sky back in California. It made Andrew dislike him a bit more. That the sunset set Neil’s hair aflame did not help his case. It looked brighter than the fire of the matches. He looked more addicting than the nicotine. Neil would probably kill him faster.

Andrew squashed down the small bit of want that went with his thoughts.

“Would you like to come with me to the shelter?” Neil asked.

“No.”

“Okay. I’ll ask Dan. She’s a bunny person so at least I won’t end up with something like a snake. No good memories of those in Australia.” Neil scrunched his eyebrows. “Or maybe not. I should take Allison and get her to buy all the toys for me because I won’t be spoiling the pet enough.”

“A pet is a bad decision. They need attention and you work irregular shifts. We all do. You can’t care for others like that.”

“I could if I wanted to. Something like a cat doesn’t have to be taken out. Although you might be right with all the litter.” Neil leaned back on his hands and looked up to the sky. “My break is almost over. Can I leave you here or should I get someone to stay with you?”

“Need to get home. Cousin is staying over for the week.” Andrew huffed. “This was supposed to be my week off. They owe me a night.”

“If you’re not here who will stitch up my wounds?” Neil’s smile was almost as blinding as his hair or the shine in his too smart eyes. Andrew wanted to punch him. Hard. Right across those cheekbones.

Andrew didn’t get why Neil was still sitting on the cold steps. Why he hadn’t so much as blinked when the flame had reached his fingertips. He was an enigma. A problem. Something Andrew wanted to solve. Somehow he thought he might be better off not trying.

Neil had to stop being so interesting.

Only, his brother was going on dates now . Bee would say to give it a try. People aren’t distractions. They’re a support system if you give them the chance. But he did have a support system. Aaron, Renee, Bee and Nicky, even if Nicky knew just about nothing. He didn’t need a fifth person to come into his house and eat his ice cream.

His hands itched for another cigarette and before he could deny himself Neil was already holding one out.

“I know what it feels like to be addicted to something. For me it’s running, and sometimes that’s more dangerous than a pack of cigarettes.”

Andrew took it and ignored the shiver down his spine when Neil’s fingers touched his. He ignored the burn of two blue eyes. Ignored the questions for the redhead. Ignored it when Neil said bye and jogged to the ambulance.

He ignored all the strange crawling feelings in his stomach until he got home and got distracted by his cousin and brother who had been waiting up for him.

**

Nicky, Erik, and Aaron were sitting in the backyard when Andrew came home. Nicky grinned when he saw him. A glass of wine in his and Erik’s hands, an untouched one in Aaron’s. Alcohol didn’t go well with his medication.

Andrew bypassed his cousin to pluck the glass away from his brother and drank it dry. Maybe not the smartest move as he hadn’t drunk in months either. “No more wine for Aaron. We quit drinking years ago.”

We. We. As if they had grown up together. As if they had those weird twin coincidences like being allergic to the same food or being able to read each other's minds through osmosis. Aaron didn’t like his twin enough to allow for that much. Andrew had started to care too much over the years that he wanted it. Like he never wanted anything but to keep his brother safe.

Nicky moved from his chair to Erik’s lap. His fingers disappearing in blond hair. Curly, like Neil’s, only Neil was a wildfire and Erik was a firefighter. He’d squash down the easy wit that bordered on antagonism. Andrew couldn’t have one. His only two joys in the hospital were tea with Renee and Bee and watching Neil burn someone to the ground.

He had to stop this. Had to stop looking at Neil and thinking of Neil. Had to stop anything to do with Neil. Next time Andrew would let him bleed to death at his front door.

He sat down in the chair Nicky abandoned. The wicks poked his back. Aaron always forgot the pillows. Apparently Nicky didn’t even assume they had them. As if he hadn’t been the one to raise Andrew during his teenage years.

“How was work?” Erik asked. His voice was much lower than anyone else in the backyard. If he hadn’t had such a pretty face and Andrew hadn’t had years of therapy he would’ve punched Erik at the associations his voice brought up.

“Nobody died. I’m still employed. Kevin is still the jerk who gets paid more than I do. ‘Best surgeon in South Carolina,’ don’t make me laugh.”

Aaron’s lips quirked up and Nicky was beaming. It wasn’t often Andrew made a joke. At least not a joke that didn’t border on antagonism.

Erik tapped Nicky’s thighs before making them both stand up. “I’m happy you like your job, Andrew. It will lessen Nicky’s grey hairs. Can’t have Camilla not recognizing her dad.”

Camilla was their six year old. They had adopted her back in Germany and she was tolerable for a little kid, Andrew presumed. Totally terrified of the wheelchair one second and fascinated the next. Too bad she wasn’t able to come as she was the funnest of his relatives but it was only her second year in elementary so Erik’s mom was watching her.

The couple wished the twins a good night before retreating inside of the house. It was quiet for all but a minute before there was a loud crash and a scream - surprise and pain. Nicky came running outside, eyes wide.

“Erik broke his arm. The bone is poking out and all. And… shit, fuck, our health care doesn’t cover american hospitals! Oh my god.”We don’t have money for an ambulance or health care outside of Germany.”

Andrew heard Aaron calming down Nicky as he went inside the house. Erik was laying at the bottom of the stairs and Nicky had been right. That was a bone. But no way in hell was Andrew  calling an ambulance for a broken arm.

Andrew grunted. Hopefully the big lump didn’t have a concussion or any other unnecessary trauma, but there was a big chance that Andrew could help his cousin in law. He crouched and took the pen light out of his shirt pocket. It helped that he’d gone straight into the garden from work. It wasn’t like he normally changed into sweaters when he got home. He never knew when he would be called in again or if Katelyn was coming over.

“Look right, look up.” He gave a couple more orders and checked his neck and head before letting Erik sit up. Both Nicky and him said he hadn’t hit his head. Just a poor fall.

“We have to get you to the hospital to set your arm. I haven’t set one in a while but I know someone who does. I can ring her up.” He looked up at his cousin and brother. “I’m taking Erik. Can the two of you stay at home. Get some tea into Nicky. Erik and I will be back in an hour or two depending on Renee and the amount of available rooms.”

Nicky nodded and helped get his husband off the floor. Erik’s arm was put in a sling made out of two kitchen towels. They put him in the car and Nicky didn’t even threaten Andrew to bring his husband back safe or to not kill himself on the road. Maybe he finally started trusting Andrew some more. He definitely hadn’t finally gotten a brain.

Andrew dialled Renee during the car ride. He was steadily ignoring Erik’s stare and focusing on the road and on getting a room and personnel ready. If only someone on his own team was used to setting bones. But no, they were all stuck with the knowledge of how to cut open a living body and close it before it died.

Useless knowledge. For anyone that wasn’t a surgeon or encountering life threatening situations that is.

Renee met him at the door and let Erik straight into a room to get pictures taken. She was good at this. It was one of the reasons he befriended her at first. The second was that she was less stupid than his other colleagues. Renee came in with the pictures and started explaining the wound. Andrew saw Erik nodding, almost as if he was either going to fall asleep or faint. He pulled a chocolate bar from his pocket and handed it over without diverting his eyes from Renee. He absolutely did not see the grateful look when Erik ripped it open with his teeth.

She set the bone like it was her job. Which it was. In the end it only took her forty-five minutes for everything and send them off with an order for Andrew to buy him a coffee.

They sat down at one of the tables with gross, steaming cups. Erik was texting Nicky the news. There was probably some other stuff in there that Andrew didn’t want to know. He’d had enough of their sex life during their college years. Phone sex was not something you wanted to witness. Especially not when it’s your cousin.

Andrew felt eyes burning into him. From two sides. One was Erik who was trying to talk to him. Even if Andrew was close to passing out from a tough work day and having to drive his cousin back to said work. The other pair of eyes were from Neil. He was looking almost thoughtful and started coming over.

Andrew almost started believing in Nicky’s god just so he could pray for Neil to stay away.

Of course it didn’t work. Neil stopped next to the table and smiled. Andrew had seen that smile. Had almost walked into a wall because of it. Still he hadn’t had it turned on him ever before. He would’ve fallen out of his chair if he wasn’t Andrew Joseph Minyard.

“Hey, Andrew. I thought you’d gone home.” He bit the inside of his cheek. Andrew did not notice that. At all.

“To your boyfriend,” Neil added hastily.

Erik started laughing spitting his coffee back in the cup to keep from choking on it. Andrew just grimaced. That was gross. He had to admit Nicky didn’t have a bad taste in man but the thought of dating Erik left a bad taste in his mouth.

“I live with my brother. My cousin and his husband came to visit from Germany. This is his husband.”

“Guten Abend, Andrews Cousins Ehemann. Wie geht’s Ihnen?” Neil adressed Erik in fluent German.

Erik responded back in German. A lesser man than Andrew would’ve been shocked out of his mind. He never would’ve thought that Neil could speak German. Especially that well. The only reason Andrew could were because of Erik, Nicky and Camilla. He didn’t expect the little girl to speak English after all. He’d rather her learn Spanish anyway. Even if Nicky’s Mexican mom was a bitch she was less so than her husband, so her language should come first in her repertoire.

Andrew drank the last sledges of coffee before cutting into the conversation. “Nicky will start bothering me if I don’t get you back soon.”

He stood up and pulled on his black coat. Neil’s eyes didn’t so much as roam his body as train his eyes on Andrew’s face. Especially his mouth and his own eyes.

“You owe me a cigarette,” Andrew simply said before dragging his cousin in law out. He didn’t miss the quirk on Neil lips nor the one on Erik’s. He also pointedly ignored Erik’s questions about Neil and how much they saw each other. If they worked in the same department. He didn’t say anything.

At the end of the ride Erik had stopped asking and Andrew had started thinking that Neil might be more than just an itch he’d wanted to scratch. Neil was more interesting than Andrew had expected and he didn’t like that thought.

**

Nicky and Erik were almost set to go home. It’d been a little over a week already since Andrew had seen Neil in the hospital that night. They’d smoked behind the building on some days when their breaks coincided but Neil hadn’t said anything about the German. Andrew knew he wouldn’t. Not until Andrew asked and he wouldn’t. Neil had the right to his secrets. The same right Andrew had to his own.

Nicky was trying to get Aaron to wear a suit instead of the T-shirt. Erik was trying to get Andrew to borrow Aaron the car. Andrew was trying to ignore them.

He didn’t lend out his car to anyone. They only got to ride in it as a passenger. It was the only way he could make sure there weren’t more accidents.

More people like Aaron.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket and send a single text.

“Come on, Andrew. Aaron hasn’t had a date in years. It’s only one night that he needs it,” Erik said.

Andrew felt the phone buzz and checked the screen. “I can’t lend Aaron the car. I need the car.”

He stood up and began towards the stairs. “Why do you need the car? You were staying home.”

Erik almost followed him up the stairs and Andrew saw Nicky leaning over the balustrade upstairs.

“I’m meeting a friend.” His face blank. Andrew kept walking up the stairs. He made to swerve around Nicky, it wouldn’t do him well to throw his cousin off the stairs, but Nicky stayed in his path.

“Just a friend?” Nicky asked.

“Is it pretty hospital guy?” Erik followed up. Oh, those two were made for each other alright. Both annoying.

Andrew didn’t answer and went into his room.

Neil probably wouldn’t understand that this was technically a date. Andrew had send him a time and an address with a show up if you want to. A bit ominous but quite Andrew.

He pulled on his normal clothes. Things like his black turtleneck and skinny jeans, his combat boots should be somewhere in the back of the closet. Behind the box of all the old study books he didn’t have to read anymore. They were clothes that he couldn’t wear to work. The clothes he felt most comfortable in.

He almost didn’t bother with his hair. Neil probably wouldn’t notice the effort anyway. Still he did it. He wanted to impress Neil for the not-date. O god. Neil didn’t know it was a date. If the guy was as oblivious as Kevin always implied he might even show up in track pants. Well, here’s for hoping. It wasn’t like Andrew couldn’t leave him in the restaurant if he showed up like a hobo.

He walked down the stairs. Passed his brother, straightened Aaron’s ugly blue tie, and let Nicky pat him on the shoulder. It was a step up from the hugging. Not great, but okay.

The doors shut behind him. Knowing he was coming back there to his brother and cousin was the only reason he didn’t freak out at the change. It had been them, the two of them, for so long- He didn’t know if he liked adding people to the mix. Although he had to admit that Erik hadn’t been that bad of an addition.

Maybe Katelyn wouldn’t be an atrocity either. Neil would probably be awful if he finally figured out it was a date. Maybe Andrew should tell him. Yes, he should. He would. That’s right. Just when Neil arrived, to clear the air between them.

Andrew did not get a chance to broach that topic. He was already sat at one of the tables in the too fancy restaurant when Neil walked in. He was wearing skinny jeans, for god’s sake, and a long sleeved shirt that showed his muscles off too well.

Neil sat down opposite to Andrew and immediately took a sip of the champagne. “Matt said this is a date.”

He took another sip and swooshed it around in his mouth. “That you’ve been eyeing me for a while and I was oblivious.”

“Did he also make you wear those jeans?”

“He did,” Neil smiled, “do you like them?”

“They’re less terrible than your usual attire.”

Neil smiled again. A big, toothy grin that took Andrew’s breath away like a stolen cigarette. Neil put his glass aside and grabbed his menu. “Oh, they haveEscargots, one thing I never want to eat again.”

“Jean from oncology said they are better in France anyway.”

Neil hummed. He closed the menu and tapped his long fingers on top of it. “Tried them there. Didn’t like them. The texture just isn’t for me. I think I’m going with hare steak. Have you ever tried that?”

Andrew shook his head. He picked out his own dish and closed the card. “My cousin made me promise to never eat bunnies. I don’t go back on my promises.”

Andrew looked down at the embossed letter on the menu to avoid Neil’s face.

“You never answered my question,” Neil said.

“You didn’t ask one.” Andrew raised a single eyebrow.

“Is this a date?”

“Yes or no, Neil?” Andrew finally looked up. He found the blue and thought of the hottest part of a flame. Looked at Neil and thought of all the secrets shared on dirty hospital steps. He hoped for an answer and wished Neil would say no. Andrew had been a danger to everyone for years. He didn’t deserve someone like Neil. Someone who gave those secrets away like they were loose change and Andrew was a beggar.

He’d promised himself to never beg again but he thought that he might cave a single please to never find his brother in a hospital bed again.

“Yes, Andrew. I want to be on this date with you.”

Andrew nodded. His eyes back to the embossed letters and his fingers tracing the curves until Neil’s hand came into sight. Close but not touching.

When Andrew looked up the waiter was waiting for his order. “The salmon.”

Neil smiled like he had known what Andrew was going to say before the words had even left his mouth. Andrew didn’t know if he liked it.

Conversation with Neil wasn’t like anything Andrew had with anyone else. It was wild and quiet and outrages and calming and so many different things. Sometimes it was completely silent but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Neither had realized just how used to each other they had become with all those hours.

Hours Andrew got the evil eye for when he got home late for Aaron. He realised they those hours had been worth it. Having conversations with someone who treated him like just another human were worth it.

Someone other than Bee or Renee. Someone he could actually like over time.

If he’d ask the ladies they’d say this was good. In all honesty, and Andrew despised lying, he was terrified. Limiting Aaron’s sexual and romantic endeavours had also meant staying on his own himself. He couldn’t feel sorry for that but he was glad he could feel the fear after all those years.

Was glad to have Neil sitting at the table with him when they already trusted each other.

And if Andrew fantasized that night about Neil’s lips on his he wouldn’t tell anyone himself.

**

Andrew crossed his legs. He counted to sixty before uncrossing them. Nicky was supposed to be here already. Andrew had forgotten the burritos at home and Nicky had sworn he’d bring them. Andrew had forgotten that Nicky was always late.

Finally the doors opened to let Nicky in. His dark skin looked sickish in the hospital light. Then again who didn’t look ill in a hospital? Maybe Andrew because his completion was already as pale as that stupid Edward Cullen guy.

Nicky didn’t just hand over the burritos and left. He just asked if they were allowed to eat where they sat and started unpacking his bag. He pulled out drinks and food and sauce and-

“Nicky, you said you were bringing a single burrito.” Andrew raised an eyebrow.

“I’m bringing lunch. I’m leaving soon and I’ve barely seen you because of your work. Which great, you’re saving people. I even saw the girl that patched Erik up outside. She said you have a picture of us and our little girl.”

“She’s lying,” Andrew deadpanned. “Renee doesn’t know what she’s talking about.”

Nicky started arguing but fell silent. “Is that redhead who I think it is?”

Andrew turned around to stare in the same direction. Neil’s hair was almost brown under the hospital lights but the smile on his face made him light up from within. They stared for a minute. Neil’s laughter echoing through the hall.

  His head turned and his eyes fell on Andrew, than on Nicky. His soft smile spread across his face as he waved and started walking over. Andrew wouldn’t have minded it if Nicky hadn’t been sitting next to him. Nicky had in no way brought enough burritos for all three of them.

“Is this the husband of mr. My Cousins Husband?” Neil said. He was just standing there. Right next to him. His hair a mess of auburn curls and his hands hung loose by his side. He looked great, even in uniform. That might even help.

“What are you doing here?”

“I asked first.” Neil smirked and extended a hand. “I’m Neil.”

“You are the date!” Nicky’s grin took up his whole face. “I’m Nicky, grumpy’s cousin. I hear you’ve met my husband.”

Neil nodded. He pulled his hand back a little too quick. Nicky probably didn’t notice. Andrew noticed everything.

“Join us for lunch?” Nicky looked a bit too hopeful but Andrew already knew Neil had to get back to work in a couple of minutes.

“Only if this counts as our second date, or should I just text you an address for tonight?” He was pretty sure that if he lifted his eyebrow any higher they’d disappear in his hair.

“Tonight?”

“Yes.”

“Text me the address and get back to work.”

Neil’s smile was sharp and shark like but Andrew thought he liked it. Nicky certainly did. Andrew didn’t feel sorry when he kicked his cousin over it.

**

Andrew was waiting in his car. Neil said he’d get there in about ten minutes. Apparently the loser didn’t have a car. He should’ve mentioned it. Andrew would’ve picked him up. Too late for that now. He said Boyd was bringing him. Nicky had said they sounded like high schoolers. Andrew as the cool guy in his car and Neil being brought by his unofficial dad.

His phone rang and the vibrations made an annoying sound in the cup holder. Or phone holder, as Andrew used it. “Minyard.”

“Andrew,” Renee said. “We need you to get here for an emergency, all the other surgeons are unavailable.”

He turned his key in the ignition and drove off. Neil would understand.

“Tell me who and what,” he ordered.

“Young man, no allergies or prior surgeries. There was nothing wrong with him but well-”

“Spill it, Renee.”

“It’s Neil Josten. Matt was driving him to a date and they got into a crash. Matt was fine but someone drove into Neil’s side of the car. There’s some glass shards in his upper body and we’re afraid he might have a collapsed lung.”

Neil. It was Neil. Neil who was supposed to be arriving at that same restaurant in three minutes.

Andrew tried not to think about the similarities between his brother and his date. Tried not to think that Neil might already be dead before he even arrived at the hospital.

Andrew had never gotten to the hospital that fast.

Getting ready for surgery was a blur and it might not be the safest thing to let him operate half in shock. It wasn’t like they had any other choice. Kevin and the other surgeons were all busy or out of the country or too far away to be able to save him.

There were scalpels and blood and flat lungs and almost flat liners and glass on its way to Neil’s heart to stop it before Andrew could save the one person willing to date him. The one person he was willing to date.

Neil had always respected his boundaries and now Andrew was breaking all of his to save Neil’s live. It was worth it. Even if Neil would hate him for putting him on display, at least he’d be alive because if there was one thing Andrew was good at it was saving life. Stitching skin to keep someone from bleeding out and dying on his table.

The surgery took too long and too short and Renee pumped sugary drinks and food into him when it was done to try and get him out of the minor shock. He was a mess and he knew it but he didn’t talk. Couldn’t say anything. Not to Renee, not to Bee, not to his brother and cousin when they came by in the hospital room to see if Neil was doing any better.

Only there were no signs he was getting better. Yes, his wounds were closing, but Neil was still asleep. His right arm and leg still broken and his mind dormant. Andrew hated it every time he set foot in that stupid room.

His reprieve was work. Work and Aaron. His brother who saw Andrew much the same as he had been years ago. His brother who must see that this was no different than when Aaron lay there much the same way.

A car accident. A couple broken bones. A heart so close to stopping that Andrew was willing to give his own. He wouldn’t die to save Neil but the feeling came close enough.

It took a week for Neil to wake up. Andrew was sitting next to his bed, his head propped on his arm as he read.

“Andrew,” a soft voice croaked. Andrew quickly set down his book and moved the glass of water with a straw to Neil’s mouth.

“Spare your voice. You’ve been out for a week. You could’ve just told me if you didn’t want to go on a second date.”

Neil almost missed the quirk of his lips when he said that. It was a sad one.

“I did. Fucker in the other car ran through red. Must’ve.”

Neil was right. Andrew didn’t want to know how he could still remember that.

“Take a nap, Neil. You need to rest.” Neil nodded but moved his hand to grab Andrew’s. “Stay, yes or no?”

“It’s always yes with you,” Neil said before passing out again.

Andrew turned to his book. His heart started beating again. A shade so dark it was almost black. Rotten from years of neglect and disuse. Years in which he was denied love and care. A heart so dark he thought nobody would see through but his friends had grabbed candles and flashlights and decided they would be his light until he found his own. Now there was enough light. Not a lot but enough. Light for his family, for Bee and Renee and now for Neil. Because Neil wanted him to stay. For however long that was Andrew would take it. He would stay for Neil.

[queen-of-seventeen]

Coffee & Cadets

it’s time for chapter 2 my friends!

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The park was okay. Nicky was too excitable about getting Andrew out of his house though. The dinner with Nicky's husband Erik afterward wasn't good. Too many loud sounds. Too much talking. The flirting didn't help but at least they had stopped coddling him. Andrew had left their house around ten. Nicky handed him the cane without comment. Andrew might miss the day where Erik and he had been able to talk about workout routines. Aaron told him it was best to start slow.

Start slow. As if everything wasn’t moving at a snail’s pace. It was all too slow. His mind, his body, his emotions. What emotions? As soon as he walked into his own ground floor apartment he dropped his walls. He didn’t want Nicky to know. Didn’t want anyone to know how hard it still was. The walls were slowly creeping in on him. He did the only thing he knew. Confront them. He shed his black t-shirt, his armbands, switched his pants for softer, pliant ones. The bed was made with sharp corners. The whole room was clean. Andrew sat down at the edge of his bed. He unhooked the prosthetic foot. Where did he leave the scar cream? There. In the second drawer of his nightstand. The clock was glaring red. It wasn’t even 11 pm but he was tired. Walking all day. Talking to people. It took a toll on him. The ceiling was getting closer. Andrew rubbed the scar cream at the spot where his ankle was supposed to be. Once finished he crawled under the blankets and pressed his back against the wall. It was something he didn’t miss about the barracks. The safety of a solid wall in his back. He tried counting sheep. Every time he woke up he started over. One, two, three, Neil’s eyes shining that ridiculous blue, four, five six. He pushed his fists against his eyes. These short naps weren’t enough to survive tomorrow. Not when he had to visit Bee. Stupid memory. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Andrew opened his eyes. The room was lit up red by his alarm clock. 4 am. Should he text Nicky? Andrew could say he was going for a walk. He could say he was coming to eat breakfast with Nicky and Erik. That would take the practicality out of his own apartment though. Would he do it? No. Should he? No. No. No. Andrew sat up and pulled his phone from the charger. || I’m going outside. Will be back at my place before lunch. The response came almost instantly. Andrew tried not to feel anything. Nicky wasn’t worried. He couldn’t be. || Do you want me to walk with you? || No. Andrew texted back. He needed to get his thoughts in a row. Preferably somewhere where he could be alone. And outside. Not inside. Not the walls. Andrew didn’t put the stupid foot on again. He slipped a sock over the stump and grabbed his crutches. He did not like the crutches. Who liked using crutches? Who liked needing a prosthetic foot? Not Andrew. It didn’t matter what Andrew liked. It never mattered to anyone. As soon as the door to his apartment building shut behind Andrew he regretted going outside. He wasn’t in the right state of mind to walk around open roads. He should text Nicky to say yes. Walking around alone was stupid. Being afraid was stupid. No, it isn’t stupid. Bee’s voice rang in his ears. You’ve suffered through something traumatic. It is okay to be afraid. Andrew hadn’t been afraid in a long, long, long time. Not since his first days at the front. Not since he was sent on his first tour. Not since his days in foster care. Not since Nicky had called him to Aaron had been in a car accident and come out unscathed. Now every step outside, in the dark, was a challenge. A challenge he was willing to accept. Andrew had made a mistake. A big mistake. He didn’t know it until he was half an hour away from his apartment. He didn’t know where he was. He might have known in daylight but the moon didn’t shine so bright. Had it always been so dark at night? Yes. Yes, it had been. In the distance, nightclub music could be heard. That was a clue. He made his way over hobbling on his crutches. He felt the bass in his bones. The lights were bright. The voices too loud. Andrew should have known better. He shouldn’t go to nightclubs. Not on his own. Not feeling like this. He made his way just a little closer. That way he could use the light from the club to see the buttons on his phone. Maybe Nicky was right. He should have gotten a smartphone. He finished pounding Nicky’s number into the keys when a couple of drunk men came at him. Andrew scoffed. If they’d make any trouble he would be able to handle them. He had army training. The crutches dug into his elbows. He forgot. The sleepless night made him forget. It was like having a fantom foot. One moment it’s there and the next it wasn’t. He even missed his prosthetic. Not having feet and walking with his crutches. It didn’t feel so secure. Andrew hobbled out of the way. Bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. When the men reached him he was cornered against the wall. He could slam his crutches into their sides but then he’d have to stand on one foot. Not impossible but irritating in a fight. He hadn’t felt this nervous about a fight in a long long time. Sweat formed on his brow. It couldn’t be fear. He wouldn’t let it be fear. It was probably exertion. One of the men who stopped in front of him was young. Probably twenty-one years old. He was at least a foot taller than Andrew. He had two feet, big hands, short hair. Andrew could tie the strands above his undercut into a small bun. “Look guys! The homeless guy only got one foot. I might be tempted to give him a dollar if he knows how to dance,” the guy said. Andrew wanted to punch his teeth out. Andrew regretted wearing sweats. Andrew should ignore him. He knew he should. He almost talked back. Memories of his last bar brawl distracted him. “Aaron, have you seen Nicky? His shift is almost over,” Andrew asked his twin. Aaron shook his head and looked back at his phone. “Nicky will come out soon enough. I’m sure he’s just talking to Roland.” But Roland was behind the bar. Andrew knew Roland was behind the bar. It’s where he dropped the older man off after they hooked up. He left Aaron at the empty table and walked around. He should be able to see Nicky in the empty room. Perhaps he was taking out the trash. Andrew opened the door and heard the shouting. “Please, stop. Please!” Nicky. Andrew ran towards the sound and found four guys beating up his cousin. The only person willing to take a chance on Andrew. The cousin who had taken him in when he was only eighteen years old himself. He was ripped from that memory by a punch in the face. He stumbled. His crutches only threw him off kilter. “I said dance,” the asshole said. Andrew wiped the blood off his face but he couldn’t punch back. Couldn’t do anything as the group of men surrounded him and started throwing more punches. The stench of alcohol filtered through his nose. Somewhere further away he heard someone yell. It sounded vaguely familiar but his memory abandoned him. He tried to shield his face. Not being able to fight back was one of the single most terrifying things that had happened to him in years. Second only to one thing. Waking up with no sound. Waking up with phantom limbs. Waking up to realize he had to start his life over. Waking up without his foot. He was lucky enough to keep the rest of his leg. Lucky. That’s what they called him. He looked up one last time at the young man in front of him. Andrew smiled. A sick smile. All teeth and menace. The next hit landed on his temple and the world faded to black. ** Andrew woke up with a deep sigh. His head and back hurt. He knew his mattress was bad but this was worse. He turned on his back and rubbed his eyes. He had to get a new bed soon but that meant having money for a new bed and rent was already steep. He opened his eyes and looked up at a high ceiling. Wait a minute, high ceiling? His apartment was smaller than that, wasn’t it? He sat up feeling his whole body ache. He was lying on an old-fashioned, red couch. The pillows were embroidered with the English flag. They were also too small to be comfortable. He was lying in someone else’s living room. There was no way this was Nicky’s house or his own. Aaron’s was filled with pictures of his wife and he didn’t know anyone else with a giant glass door. Andrew squinted his eyes at the door, where did he leave his glasses? And was that a backyard? The snow made it hard to see the difference between the white wall and the ground outside. It was official. He was kidnapped. He knew nobody with a backyard. He would remember that. He scrubbed his face for a hot second. The skin felt grated like someone had slammed his head against a wall. Cold metal touched his left ankle, well, stump. Chills shot up his body. It was cold but the house wasn’t really. He grabbed the crutches and stood up. He wanted to get out of there. He was sure it could never be the house of the guys who beat him up but he didn’t want to know any stranger who might live there. Getting up off the couch was painful and Andrew hated himself for making so much noise. He was taught to be quieter than that. The limp did not help with that. He hobbled to the door and it opened with him just in front of it. Red hair covered half a face from under an orange knitted hat. A face almost as red as the hair peaked out from a slightly different tinted orange scarf. The only thing saving the look was the dark grey coat. Andrew appreciated the combination of auburn hair and dark grey clothes. It made everything stand out just a little more. “You’re up,” the man in the door said. “Great, you must be hungry.” He began unwinding his scarf and from under the fabric came Neil. “You kidnapped me,” Andrew said. “Saved you from a bunch of hooligans,” Neil answered. He threw his coat and shoes down at the side of the hallway. Andrew had to work to climb over them with his crutches. Guess where he never wanted to return without his foot. Not even with his foot if he didn’t clean up a bit. “Who said I needed saving?” Andrew entered the kitchen. Neil started the coffee machine, something fancy with a milk foamer, and grabbed two mugs. “The guys in the bar I was at. You probably don’t want to hear it but maybe don’t go out in the dark if you don’t feel well enough to protect yourself. I know you can but not like that.” Andrew kept his face blank. He would not give Neil the satisfaction of him getting angry. His jaw clenched. He stood for a little while longer while Neil prepared two cups of coffee. One with the right amount of sugar and milk Andrew liked at the store. “Sorry, I don’t have whipped cream,” Neil said. He sat down on one side of the kitchen island. The granite was black and the bar chairs were also. Andrew didn’t reply. He did sit down. He told himself it was only because the crutches were aggravating some bruises. He told himself he wasn’t staying because Neil saved him or that Neil was even capable of liking a mess like Andrew. Nicky told him at dinner that Neil wasn’t even interested in people. He was looking into a pet last time Nicky spoke him. He sipped his coffee and suddenly felt tired again. He didn’t want to sleep but being with other people like this took too much energy. Even if Neil was interesting, Andrew just wanted to be alone. He gulped down the rest of his coffee and stood up again. He couldn’t have people around him right now. He didn’t thank Neil. Didn’t even tell him a real goodbye. “The coffee wasn’t awful,” he said. He lifted himself off the chair and hobbled away. Neil followed him to the door and handed him an ever worse hat then he had been wearing. With the pattering, it looked like the one Nicky had given him a Christmas or four ago. Andrew knew it wasn’t. His hat was tucked away in a box in some storage with the rest of his winter clothes. He should ask Nicky to get help get them. Andrew took the hat and after struggling to get it on with the crutches allowed Neil to put it on for him. Even the minimal touches made his skin crawl. He didn’t thank Neil for helping him this time either. “Will I see you at the cafe again?” Neil asked when he opened the door. Andrew didn’t reply. “I’ll take it as a yes. Let Nicky take you or come alone. Renee isn’t there on Wednesdays but that does mean you have to put up with Matt.” Andrew had already started walking. Neil didn’t stop until he reached the street. Even when Andrew heard him dial Nicky. Something about Andrew being on the streets again. To give him time. Didn’t he always need more time?

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@fuzzballsheltiepants here it finally is!

[queen-of-seventeen]

Remind me I’m not home

ao3

"My body is in ruins but so is your mind."

Natalia Wesninski did not like her body or her mind. That's why she ran away.

Three years later she is Neil Josten and her past is finally catching up to her.

Fiancés aren't forgiving, changing and accepting yourself is hard, exy is still rough, and the only reprieve he gets is on the field and in the eyes of someone sworn to protect him.

[queen-of-seventeen]

Coffee & Cadets part iii

part 1 part 2

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Sugar, sugar

It took Andrew three days to get out of bed. Nicky had come by on the days he didn’t have to work. He left food and made sure Andrew drank at least something. He had even offered to help him shower. Andrew had refused. He did not want someone else’s hands on him. he did not want to be touched. He want to be alone.

He was tired. He was so tired. Tired of using the crutches. Tired of putting on his foot. Tired of waking up in the morning.

He had left Neil’s house on a monday. Neil had said Renee wouldn’t be at work on wednesday. What choice did he have but believe Neil? None. Nada.

He sat up and tapped his foot on the ground. First shower. Later he’d think of what he wanted to do with his day. He might need to find a job. Use that fancy degree he had. Was that already four years ago. Degree at twenty one, one year on the army, half year off, one year one, half year off, one… No half a year on again. He had to leave almost half a year ago.

He shed his shirt and boxers before stepping into the shower. He left the armbands on. The multicolored bruises still stained his flesh. The water was cold. It wasn’t that bad. At least he wasn’t living in Nicky’s guest room anymore. Then the water cut out. He paid the bills, didn’t he? Money was tight but he had paid.

He had just dressed into sweatpants and a black turtleneck when a knock sounded on his door. He could feel the knives in their sheaths. He took a deep breath. He wore his foot. Nothing would be going wrong. Maybe he should call Nicky in the background just in case.

No. Nicky would see it as a sign of weakness. He would not call Nicky for something as stupid as opening the door. Even if he lived in a bad neighbourhood. Even if he had no idea was stood in front of the door. He would not be calling Nicky.

He opened the door. The landlord was standing in front of his apartment. “Minyard, ey?”

The man ran a hand through his hair and pushed himself into the apartment. The touch made Andrew want to take a shower all over again. “Are you here about the water? It cut off mid shower, but I don’t recall calling you,” Andrew said.

The man shook his head. “I’m sorry, Minyard. You have to be out by the end of the week. There is someone else willing to pay double of what you are right now. I’ve seen your credits you can’t go up against that.”

“I’m a veteran.” Andrew didn’t like stating the obvious. He also didn’t like pulling the pity card. He just really needed that apartment.

“And I want the money. Be out by the end of the week.” The man raked a hand through his greasy hair. He grabbed a croissant of the counter. Nicky had only brought it for Andrew yesterday. “End of the week, you hear me. I don’t want to call the cops on you buddy.”

He didn’t even close the door behind him. Andrew slid against the cupboards to the ground. This could not be happening. Was this even legal. He didn’t think so but then again- It had been four years since he got his degree in criminology. That was when he still thought he wanted to be a lawyer. He would’ve been one if it wasn’t for the army. At least he got to protect some people.

And all of that for protecting Nicky. Andrew laid his head in his hands. This was useless. He was going to need to ask Nicky for a room. At least until he found something else. Something within his price range. Maybe he should get a loan and try to get into law school. Like that wasn’t a dumb idea. How was he getting into law school. He graduated too long ago.

Why didn’t it just end? That bomb should’ve been the end.

It took him minutes- No, they might’ve been hours already, before Andrew got himself up from the floor. He found his shoes and coat and a hat before heading out the door. He didn’t want to stay in that lousy apartment. Not now. Not again. He’d ask Nicky to pick up his stuff. Maybe have Erik show off his muscles for once.

He kept trying to form a plan till he got to the Foxhole. The storefront was still the same, ugly beige. Neil should really have it painted over someday. A color less muddled. Even if the muddle resembled Andrew’s mind quite well.

He didn’t see Neil standing behind the counter. The guy was impossible tall, dark skinned and curly haired. He wasn’t bad looking. If only he didn’t smile constantly.

Andrew walked closer and the guy yelled out to him. “Hey, Aaron! I’ll get to you in a second, okay?”

Andrew bypassed the short line. “I’m Aaron’s clone. Are you alone in the shop?”

The guy’s face scrunched up all confused. Andrew liked him even less. “Neil is in the back baking. Should I call him for you?”

At Andrew’s nod he did. Neil came out. The front of his shirt was covered in flower and his hair was sticking up. There might even be cake batter in it. Andrew did not want to help him get it out. He did not want to wipe the flour from his face or the apparent sleep from his eyes. Andrew did not even want to see Neil.

He had never told so many lies to himself.

“Andrew!” Neil smiles. Mouth too wide and teeth too sharp. His hands already running over shelves under the counter to come up with a bright yellow mug Andrew had never seen before. “Nicky said you might be coming back here. Said he needed to stock up on whipped cream. Not that that’s my fault. He brought you here.”

Andrew noticed that the chair besides the counter was vacated and sat down. “I did not plan on coming here.”

Neil’s eyes flitted to the top of Andrew’s head and he smiled even bigger. That should’ve been impossible. Andrew noticed that two teeth in the right corner of his mouth weren’t straight. Did the man never get braces as a teenager?

“I think you were,” Neil said. “You even brought my hat. I don’t see a replacement so you can keep it for a while longer, my friends keep giving them.” Neil had long, skinny fingers. Andrew did not look at them after he had sat the mug down. Maybe he did but that wasn’t a crime. “What are you doing here?”

Neil walked around the counter and sat down besides Andrew. Andrew had no idea what time it was. Somewhere in the middle of the morning? Or would it already be closing time? He didn’t know. He should care less.

He sipped his coffee. Neil didn’t watch Andrew’s mouth. Not even when he left a bit of cream there on purpose. Guess Neil wasn’t interested. Another reason to the list of why Andrew Minyard should stop thinking about making out with Neil- What was his last name?

“I had expected you earlier,” Neil said. He caught a bottle of water that the bartender threw at him. “I told you to stop by today.”

Andrew frowned at him. The coffee had just enough cream and there might’ve been some cocoa powder in there.

“Okay, so I didn’t tell you to stop by. I insinuated it. I wanted you to try out this new sweet I’m baking. They’re a bit cold now though.” He held up a finger for Andrew to wait. It wasn’t like he had anything better to do. So he waited.

It took Neil almost five minutes, one which was spend yelling at Matt, to get out of the kitchen again. He came back with a small box and a blue plate. Again with the stupid pastel colors. On the plate lay something that could be cake or a cookie or a brownie or all of it at the same time. It looked as if Neil had thought of every sweet thing he could imagine and threw it into the same pan. Andrew didn’t know what to think of it. Or if it was even safe to consume.

“What is this?” Andrew asked.

Neil took a while to reply. “Matt calls them brookies. He had them at Disney world. I don’t really like sweets so I wondered if you would try them out.”

Andrew didn’t answer him for a while. His face was carefully blank as he looked between Neil and the ‘things’ on the plate. It set Neil off to ramble. “They’re safe. I tasted them and I didn’t get sick but as I said I don’t really like sweets and you seem to love them. Well at least you like sweet coffee. If you don’t like them you have to be honest. If you do they might get on the menu. I’m not sure yet. It takes a bit of work to make but so does pumpkin pie and we have that every fall too.”

Andrew interrupted him. “You made these for me.” It wasn’t a question but Neil confirmed it either way. Andrew took a bit of one of the brookies as the elusive Matt person called them. Apparently they were part brownie and part cookie. Chocolate chip. Andrew didn’t believe in a god but that cookie might’ve been what heaven tastes like. He wanted to eat a couple more but he didn’t want to see a smug look on Neil’s face. He didn’t think he could handle that. “They’re not bad,” he settled on saying.

“Not bad? What can I do with a not bad? Any changed you think I should make?” Neil had sat on his hands the whole time but now he was picking one of the sweets apart with nimble fingers. What would they feel like in Andrew’s hair? Not that he wanted Neil to touch any part of him, but still he wondered.

“Don’t change them.” Andrew grabbed another one. Who cared? Neil already knew he liked them anyway.

Neil’s grin was telling. The scars on his cheeks pulled a bit when he smiled. It only made him look younger. Prettier. Like the pretty boy Andrew had seen that first time in the shop. Could that even be the same Neil? He might just be a pipe dream. Back then and still.

Neil was back to sitting on top of his hands. Would he stay that still if Andrew kissed him? No, Neil wasn’t interested in anyone like that. Nicky had said that and Andrew had confirmed it for himself just minutes ago. Had it been minutes? Or had it been hours already? It was hard to remember time when sleeping and waking were both nightmares in their own rights. Waking was full of phantom pain and fear of not being himself. Dreaming was a land where he lost his feet or arm or head or family in the roadside accident. No matter what happened he was still alive.

Waking was no better than dreaming but at least daylight made him see Neil. Neil with hair just slightly darker than a sunset sky and eyes the colour of noon.

Andrew shook himself on the inside. He could not think about that. Neil was not one of his. Neil was not an option for him either. Careful, careful, careful. When was his next appointment with Bee? In two days already? Well that took long enough. At least he had a story for her this time. If only she didn’t look at him as if he was actually making progress. Someday maybe. Someday was not today.

Turns out the guy behind the bar was the elusive Matt. When he left he didn’t lock the door. He did turn the sign above the door to closed. The sun was already setting. Winter time, Andrew reminded himself. The sun disappears early these days.

“If you answer my question you can ask me anything. Just answer one question,” Neil said.

Andrew nodded with the brookie still in his mouth. He may be a monster but Nicky raised him well. Neil didn’t ask the question before Andrew swallowed.

“Why did you come at closing time?” His eyes were wide. Andrew didn’t like it when he looked at him like that. Too close. Too open. Go away! Stop it!

“You’re staring,” is what he said instead. He grabbed another sweet but didn’t eat it. He broke it to pieces. “I didn’t want to come,” he continued. “And I didn’t know it was that late already. Getting thrown out of your own home after a couple bad days does that to you.”

Andrew didn’t look away from Neil’s face when he said it. He didn’t want anything but watching him was interesting. Neil didn’t look pitying. “Did you eat anything substantial today besides the brookies?”

“Did you?”

“Take out?”

“Chinese.”

“Dumplings?”

“Also spring rolls.”

Neil stood up to walk behind the bar and picked up a phone. It was simply grey. No weird colours. Against the rest of the shops interior it felt strange.

Andrew waited for Neil to sit down again before coming up with a question. There was a lot he wanted to know. Except Neil spoke before he could.

“I have a spare room in my home if you need somewhere to sleep.”

Andrew frowned. This could not be real. Neil truly was a pipe dream. An illusion. Not real. How many more ways could his brain come up with to torture him.

“Why?” Andrew

“You don’t have a place to stay and my house is too big for just me anyway.”

“I don’t need you pity.” Andrew stood up. Slowly. He tested his stability a little before -trying to- march to the door.

“Andrew, stop,” Neil said. He was faster than Andrew. It was the first thing he noticed. The second thing was how Neil walked around him to stop Andrew without touching him. It was strange and refreshing. A small part of Andrew felt overwhelmed. How could Neil seem so good. Andrew squashed the feeling as soon as he felt it.

“It isn’t pity,” Neil said. “My uncle bought the house for me. He didn’t care that I would live there on my own.” A smile crept over his lips like a predator. Like Andrew was the fucking lamb, hint he wasn’t, and Neil the lion and he finally had Andrew where he wanted him. “So in a way I’m asking you to take pity on me. I mean I’m all alone there whenever I’m not working. Anything could happen to me. And having a soldier, like you, to protect me will certainly make me feel better.”

Andrew ground his teeth together. His dentist had warned him about doing that too often. Neil was right he did have Andrew in a tight spot. Andrew didn’t have a place to stay anymore. He would have never called that dump a home. Plus being called a soldier, someone to protect, in present tense felt good. It was what he always wanted. What was ripped from his fingers.

He should say no. How could he? He did need a roof above his head. He could protect Neil from who knows what and not be alone all day. He tried to imagine Nicky’s reaction if he knew Andrew moved in with Neil. It would be a laugh. For a while at least. It was hard to figure out if the plan would annoy Aaron or make him overjoyed. He did say Andrew needed to be more social and needed to get out of the door. A roommate would do that. But from what Andrew heard, Aaron and Neil are only on semi-friendly bases. Meaning they don’t curse at each other but they won’t hang out when given the chance either.

Well can’t have everything, and Neil’s house sure was nice. Andrew turned on his heels and walked to one of the empty tables instead of a bar stool. Neil didn’t help him get all the chairs of the table for them to eat. He did stay a little closer than Andrew had seen him do with anyone else.

Andrew was eighty percent sure Neil had lied to him about wanting his protection but Andrew could live with it if Neil had a bed for him. He would ask about the rent later. Instead he sat on one of the pastel pink chairs and asked Neil another question. “Does your uncle pay for everything you do?”

Neil sat down too. “Not everything. He helped me set up this store but at the moment I own three of them. All in surrounding villages. Renee manages one of them on the days she doesn’t work here. He paid for the house and he would love to pay for new clothes in my closet as long as he got to choose what kind of clothes they were. With the money the shops make me I can buy food for myself and pay all my other bills. My uncle only comes around for Christmas anymore.”

“You have three coffee shops?” Andrew didn’t like stating the obvious but he felt like it was needed.

“Yes.”

“You don’t even need a flatmate. Or house mate in your case.” Andrew kept his face flat. He shouldn’t be as surprised as he was. Surprise had long since worn out his features. Strange that his brain could still make up those chemicals.

“I don’t need one but I want one. If you promise to talk to Renee and maybe help out in the shop once a week, kitchen duties, than I can even promise you, you don’t have to pay rent.”

Andrew wanted to hit Neil, or kiss him. Or both. In that order. Hit him upside the head and grab him close by the collar. He didn’t do that. He would never do that. Not unless Neil wanted him too.

“I can’t not pay rent.”

“That’s a double negative.”

“You’re a double negative, Pinocchio.”

“I told you. If you’re in the shop for one day a week. A job without human interaction and just one talk with Renee and it’s free. I’m a way you pay me by protecting me, talking to Renee and work.”

“Fine,” Andrew grunted. He crossed his arms. “Deal?”

“Deal,” Neil responded just as the delivery guy knocked on the door. “I’ll get it.”

Andrew wanted to do something to that smile when Neil sat down. He just didn’t know what yet. It would have to wait. One day Andrew would know what to do about Neil. Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday.