#no where in the rules it says a dog cant play basketball

[maretriarch]

what covid really took away from us is homestuck. and having more than one cashier at a time in the grocery store.

[bufanzi]

QIN COMPLIATION

( left to right: bu fan, yue yue, xiao yu, ling chao, mu ziyang, bowen)

Yue yue

his real name is yue minghui 岳明辉 !! (92-liner) 

nicknames include 老岳 (lao yue; old yue) & 岳叔 (yue shu; uncle yue) & 中年岳 (middle-aged yue) . PLS LET YUE YUE LIVE. 

used the name 岳岳 as a stage name bc of the way it sounds & its easier for people to remember ; PINKRAY

he went by the name joey yue while studying overseas lmao

有背景有文化的团长 （ A leader with sophiscated background and culture )

Cold city boy from beijing

Engineering student!!! from Nanjing University of Aeronautics & did masters in glasgow uni!!!!!! V v v smart!!!

Great english, British accent sorta ( listen to him speak x x )

HAS A CUTE FANG TOOTH

Will trade fatty meat for lean meat if u ask

TATTOOS (I THINK THERE’S A WOLF ONE, THE ONE W AN ANCHOR+OCTOPUS not sure though :c not enough HD pics to verify ;;)

Basketballlll

Wants to collab w eminem one day

Looks up to eminem, dr dre & ice cube

STEALS MU ZIYANG’S CLOTHES VERY OFTEN (there was this vid once when yue yue was choosing btwn 5 outfits and mu ziyang was like “can u at least put one of ur own outfits in the 5”)

Voted as naggy lmao (was asked by mu ziyang whether 1 ton of iron or 1 ton of cotton is heavier, and he talked to ziyang about it for 2 hrs about the question isn’t logical cause the experiment must be held in the same conditions, the air etc etc)

His hair is a birds nest & cannot be maintained + he uses the company’s hair dryer (which actually belongs to ling chao) to do his hair

Likes to eat everything, not picky with food :”) 

THE ONE THAT ALWAYS STEALS FOOD FROM OTHERS. 

DRAMA QUEEN 

became bufan’s “woman” in IP aft the gang initiation LOL

yue likes to have clothes with holes in weird places, so i think that’s why he always wears ziyangs’s clothes 

his underwear is still outside the window ledge/roof on their old qin dorm c: 

can drive!!! has a car!!!! drives a honda w a super cool license plate number ahah 

lmao wanted to set up an emergency fund for the himself and the boys because they are always getting their salary deducted HAHAH (+ it was said that ling chao has the most money bc he listens the best and is always on time)

plays the guitar!!! 

has a tentacle fetish lmao 

initially his dad wasn’t supportive of him becoming a trainee so he secretly went to idol producer without his dad’s knowledge (his dad didn’t even know what he was doing at qin ent) but rn his dad rlly supports him!! 

yue yue’s fans call themselves 岳妻 (yue yue’s wife) 

Mu ziyang

PROFESSIONAL MODEL

His real name is li zhenyang 李振洋 (94-liner) 

his stage name 木子洋 is cause his surname 李 is formed from 木子 then they added the 洋 ; KWIN

Fans call him 小懂事 ( which means something like a sensible kid )  

Walked in milan fashion week!!!!!! WALKED FOR MANY BRANDS!!!! THIS KING

FANS CALL HIM QIN’S CLOSET/SPONSOR :”)

Also said he managed to walk for the show that he most wanted to!!!!

WENT TO THE SAME SCHOOL AS BUFAN (Beijing Institute of Fashion Technology) (and was schoolmates with dong yanlei) 

Scared of ghosts cause his mum used to tell him that ghosts will snatch him away if he misbehaves

says he isn’t of haunted houses, but then asks ling chao to hug him tightly when walking though it lmao

SCARED OF CRABS BC HE THINKS THEY ARE UGLY (this idiot lmao)

he’s scared of everything :)

PAID BUFAN 50 YUAN TO FEED HIM CRABS

LIKES TO DO “BUSINESS” ie trade stuff with ling chao so that ling chao will do his bidding

Rlly sad but mu ziyang got srsly sick during ip first evals and had to do iv drips until his hands were all bruised cause of the needle marks :c

Lmao this idiot thinks 3/6 > 3/5

wants to work with Leonardo DiCaprio

he can’t stand people sitting on his bed

“It’s not that the pyjamas are expensive, I’m expensive” 

Sang 越战越勇 on before!! 

lowkey was upset he didn’t get balloons on his birthday while yue yue got a wall of happy birthday + star balloons HAHAHA

roommates with yue in the qin dorm

threw yue’s underwear out the window bc yue forced it over his head :”) & its stuck right outside the roof at their old dorm

bought a tank for loaches/mudfish & only realised that it wasn’t meant for fishes after putting the decorations and water in it... 

apparently has a driving license 

once while driving a motorcycle, the battery died & he used a strangers phone to call yue yue. then yue yue had to come pick him up with his car. since he had the motorcycle, ziyang sat on the motorcycle and held on to the car handle & they drove back like that lmao

can play the piano!!!

THE ONE THAT DISSES LING CHAO 

THERE WAS THIS ONCE POST ON DOUBAN where mu ziyang bought ALL the buns from the convenience store & zhu xingjie came a while later and wast stuck at the store cause he had to wait until the next batch was ready lmao

Had a huge knee surgery during his trainee period :c (the boys also visited him in the hospital) + also sad bc qin3 went for a huge seafood feast at home when mu ziyang was stuck eating hospital food

before leaving the dorms he went with ling chao to the convenience store to buy food bc he says ling chao is kinda picky with his food so he doesn’t eat much & he isnt’t able to take care of him anymore now that he’s eliminated so he used up all his remaining money to buy food for him

after being eliminated, he and yue yue went to play HAHAHA

Bu fan

his real name is bu fanfan 卜凡凡 (96-liner)

the boys call him ���子 (fan zi), where 凡 is from his name and 子 is a term of endearment :”) 

used bu fan as a stage name because he thinks bu fanfan is too cute lol; KATTO (PRONOUNCED AS KA-TOO)

192cm 对 cant play basketball though

LOVES DOGS, HUSKY

ACTUALLY DIDNT GRAD FRM SCHOOL YET :c he said his parents are pushing him to continue to study but nonetheless support him as an idol

HAS AN OLDER BROTHER (10 YEARS AGE GAP)

CLINGY

LOVES TO CRY ( crise a lot when doing stretching)

Voted most scared of pain

Once got caught eating a melon & got punished :c (+ he always steals melon from the fridge & doesn’t even close the refrigerator door afterwards...) 

Always late for work apparently until there’s no more salary to be detected

HIS ACTUAL MINK JACKET IS ACTUALLY JUST A BATHROBE

apparently owes ziyang money & gave him a rap perf for money lol

Once helped an old auntie neighbour buy a new phone bc hers was old and was about to spoil 

When asked if he likes girls with short hair or long hair, this boy said he doesn’t like any & likes computers instead lmao

He can’t stand low qualiy movies, it has to be in HD

when he becomes rich and successful, he’s going to help the manager xiao yu do some intense stretching lmao 

“ everytime bufan goes to the subway, the authorities will always check his ID ” - yueyue 

Has a wall of demoralising quotes back at the qin dorm ( iconic quotes include: “being ugly is a disease” & “the reason why you drink chicken soup is because other people have already ate the meat” & “all roads lead to rome, but some people are born in rome” )

“ 家爆脸 ”- zhou yanchen

HIGHKEY LOVES YUEYUE A LOT this sweet child tried his best to protect yue’s cake from being eaten cause he wanted yue to take a photo with it first ( in qin ent, it was said that the only way they get food is to snatch from others, so that cake was NOT safe with mu ziyang and ling chao around )

MORE INSTANCES OF HIS LOVE FOR YUEYUE, HE WILL BITE YOUR HEAD OFF IF U DISS HIS YUE :”) just look at bufan getting triggered when zhou rui mentioned about yue’s eye wrinkles

Also, he called yue yue disgusting cause yue yue didn’t come back at night & went to sleep in another trainees room ( he’s jealous )

Leader of a gang (current known members include ( xiao gui, fan chengcheng, yue yue & xu shengen) 

got tricked to eat a sichuan chilli by yue yue poor thing

KING OF SEAFOOD 

once a deliveryman misread his name as 小凡凡 (xiao fanfan) instead of 卜凡凡 (bu fanfan), then got dissed by the mu ziyang saying “omg why do u call yourself that” 

I think bufan has a habit of saying the word 对 (dui) after a sentence, its pretty cute :”)

according to ziyang, bu fan thinks he’s the smartest in the group 

has a habit of calling people 宝宝 (baobao) & 宝贝 (baobei) which means baby/babe

outed yue yue as the only one that wears mu ziyang’s clothes (when asked if mzy was really qin’s closet, he said that our group has 4 people, ling chao and I never wear mzy’s clothes)

Ling chao

His real name is li yingchao 李英超 (01-liner)

his stage name came about bc if u say his real name really fast ‘李英 (li ying) will sound like 灵 (ling) ; DIDI (lmao when he’s old he’s still going to be called didi)

call him 弟弟 (di di; little brother) or  小王子 (little prince)

Loves his candies & would probably fight u for it

Hides candies in so many diff places/compartments lmao

got a toothache bc of said candy

sings really well!!!! 

SAYS HIS FAV CELEBRITY IS 黄晓明 (& angelababy)

HAS A YOUNGER SISTER BUT THINKS HE’S STILL THE PRETTIEST IN THE FAMILY

Receives the most love from the other boys :”) ( they have a rule where the plate with the most meat goes to him )

roommates with bu fanfan

Always seen with mu ziyang ( the true otp )

Doesnt like meat with fats

CAN DO SPLITS!!!!!!! & ALSO SPLITS WHILE DOING A HEADSTAND

HAS THE NICEST LOOKING EYES

is an idiot. he went to a korean restaurant & told ziyang that the “spicy cabbage” wasn’t tasty and he preferred kimchi instead. BUT THEY ARE THE SAME THING. 

he likes white roses

likes cats!! 

likes to scare chickens (& got scolded for it)

during break time, he has to memorise Chinese vocabulary ( and is taught by the company’s ceo!!!!!!)

i think he sticks with ziyang the most! ;; (obvs they are the superior ship)

BROUGHT ZIYANG TO SEE THE TALKING TRASH BIN JUST TO MAKE ZIYANG SCARED. 

shittiest luck HAHAHA (bufan+lingchao team and yueyue+ziyang team had to draw lots to see who gets to sleep in the room and who sleeps outside in the living room, and ling chao always loses)

GETS DISSED FOR HAVING NARROW SHOULDERS 

printed his own picture on a pillow then said it was “given by fans” 

had a writer/blogger/reviewer kind of site where he wrote stuff 

looks up to xukun and zhangjing the most in ip!

 “ if your 3 qin brothers become a girl, who would be your older sister, younger sister and girlfriend? ” LING CHAO: NONE BECAUSE ALL OF THEM ARE UGLY

GETS HIT BY ZIYANG A LOT LMAO 

ling chao’s fans are called 糖精 (tang jing; candy spirit) because of his love for candy

小于 (xiao yu)

BC221’s manager!!!!!!!!! (Also helps then stretch)

very sassy & playful

older than all of the qin boys ; had to work for 4 years before attending university

he’s almost always the camera man for bc221′s trainee life videos!!!! (its either him or bowen)

Came off as a little mean in the video where the boys were stretching :c but honestly he just rlly wants the best for them

Stays with the boys in their qin dorm!!!!!!

Went to the same university with mu ziyang!!! (& says mu ziyang stole his snacks, face masks, shoes, clothes, socks etc); they probably graduated the same time cause they were classmates! 

Sometimes ppl call him 小鱼 (yu) ( word play; means little fish ) & mu ziyang called him 热带鱼 (tropical fish)

When yue yue got in trouble for playing computer games, he called xiao yu handsome and he laughed & immediately stop scolding yue yue LOL

yueyue likes to diss him lmao 

Gives ling chao sweets!!! (doesn’t give bufan and yueyue bc they apparently dont listen to him lmao) 

said to bufan : “IS BEING TALL EVERYTHING??? HUH???”

“we always get scolded by our manager, the first day would pass by normally but then on the 2nd day we would get scolded” - yueyue & bufan

“excuse you? what was that about your manager scolding you everyday? its called a heart to heart talk” 

a fan sent pig feed to the company & he said he was going to save it to give to the boys as a birthday present

WROTE MU ZIYANG IS THE UGLIEST AND LEFT IT FOR ZIYANG TO FIND 

yue yue calls him 小于帅 a lot. 

followed yue yue to his home to visit lao yue’s mum :”) helped yue yue carried the luggage up the stairs

went Thailand with yue yue and mu ziyang after eliminations!

got dragged by bu fan into the toilet  (bu fan said it was xiao yu that pushed him inside but there’s video evidence HAHAHA)

Sadly no longer part of QIN’s entertainment anymore

博文 (Bowen)

lives with the boys apparently

Shorter than the qin4 and xiao yu ahaha if you see the video angle being lower compared to others, then its bowen filming (fans call it the girlfriend angle lmao) 

I think he’s qin’s video editor/photographer!

currently now part of qin’s one man subbing team rip bowen

passive aggressively posting on weibo whenever xiao yu posts updates on their Thailand adventure bc they didn’t bring him along hahahah

he has a cat called 棉裤 (cotton pants), mu ziyang hates this cat because 棉裤 always climbs on his bed

[nnorsae]

Tagged by @dee-the-witch thank you so much! i rarely do these but eh i’mma do my best ^^

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag people

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Milk 2. Phone call: i think it was mom? maybe my dad? 3. Text message: yeah, my friend ^^ 4. Song you listened to: imagine dragons - thunder 5. Time you cried: haaa just a while ago

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: i never dated anyone 7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nah i also never kissed someone  8. Been cheated on: no. 9. Lost someone special: dissociated. our relationship got lost in the mist. 10. Been depressed: oh well i’ve been falling in and out of it, but i’m trying really hard to recover. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: i never even tho im okay with drinking

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS:

12-14. all shades of green, blue and red 

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: a lot of them and i love them all!!! 16. Fallen out of love: it all got lost in the mist. 17. Laughed until you cried: oh, long time ago. didn’t had anyone to laugh with. 18. Found out someone was talking about you: haa i mean i hope no one does, because i get really tense or nervous when i hear my name in another ppl conversations (usually i await mocking)    19. Met someone who changed you: i got closer to such person. but did not meet them, i think i knew them for like a year or so? 20. Found out who your friends are: kinda? i mean i like getting to know a person better (even for the worst) 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: um no

GENERAL:

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: all of them i think 23. Do you have any pets: i do have an smol angry birb, an playful smol angry cat and two dogs who want to eat each other alive 24. Do you want to change your name: i dunno lol i got used to it? like that’s just how ppl call me. i would badly get used to a new name tho. 25. What did you do for your last Birthday: oh i dunno fell deeper into depression? we had a party, it wasn’t the best but i still at least got my apple cake! 26. What time did you wake up: about 5 am and then slept for another hour

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i was on tumblr still and probably studying or something like that? maybe procrastinating?

28. Name something you can’t wait for: well my trip to Opava w my choir

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: she just went to sleep 30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: lol get my life together? i mean everything always goes wrong but thats cuz my laziness and everything so i guess stop being so lazy. 31. What are you listening to right now:  i’m letting phone do it’s own thing but right now? imagine dragons - gold 32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: m classmate i don’t talk to him tho he’s kinda weird 33. Something that is getting on your nerves: right now? myself probably. pull yourself together boy  34. Most visited website:well this hellsite, bakaláři cause i don’t know what’s happening and? ?? uhhhh google search 35. Mole/s: i have like quite lot of em but like everywhere on my body 36. Mark/s: i mean my legs still have my cut marks, my both ankles have mark after being stitched n stuff, i have an mark after stitch on my head (sliced it thank to glass table) else just bruises and cat scratches 37. Childhood dream: i. always. wanted. something. fairytailey!!!! i love princess or like kingdoms and empires kind of fantasy plus elves or like with different creatures from the forest? i always played the mage/hunter princess as a kid so yeah? something like that would be nice. 38. Hair color: dirt blonde with like one very blond bang its not that visible unless on direct light   39. Long or short hair: short hairrr  40. Do you have a crush on someone: its occasional. like i try to keep my distance because i almost always fall in love who just slightly shows some care about me? like okay not always but if we’re really good friends i just can’t help it... ts could so something bout this too 41. What do you like about yourself?: the only thing thats i feel is very me. my stubborness. when i am sure of something you can’t change my mind. it happens rarely but i still possess this weird trait and it’s kinda nice to be determined for once in a while? i mean i also want to prove ppl wrong especially when they say something mean and i don’t have my depression episode... like calmly laugh it off and then do what they fucking think you can’t cause fuck em. they didn’t see it doesn’t matter. you did it. you know you’re able to do it and you’ve proven yourself worthy. 42. Piercings: i have ear piercings but i almost never wear earrings so they’re pretty useless. 43. Blood type: B+ i think. 44. Nickname: Kilda (based off my last name? surrname? what the hell is příjmení in english) and Smartie (im smart when im not in school and it sucks) 45. Relationship status: im like very unexperienced and also single. probably forever. 46. Zodiac: im libra but somehow i relate more to taurus  47. Pronouns: nonbinary (but got used to calling she/her. i see myself more masculine but like not that it matters that much it would be kinda confusing) 48. Favorite TV Show(s): I don’t watch TV? But i guess Friends, since it’s the only show i was able to see few episodes off 50. Right or left hand: im right handed but sometimes i suck at right so i use left!!! 51. Surgery: never had one 52. Hair dyed in different color: i wish. i want to bleach my hair. like not completely white but like to make it more blonde i guess. not like yellow blonde but more like platinum blonde? soft blonde. i dunno how to explain it 53. Sport: i like ball sports except for basketball. i swim and snorchel tho 55. Vacation: i always wanted to go to norway and iceland. i have to someday. 56. Pair of trainers: dark blue vans my best friends

MORE GENERAL:

57. Eating: i really like pizza  58. Drinking: coffee, milk or water 59. I’m about to: sleep 61. Waiting for: something to open my eyes 62. Want: just a really good friend? i feel like i need to hug someone 63. Get married: my parents want me to, but honestly? i’ll see how it turns out because i kinda don’t want things to happen as my parents want so yeah i’ll see how things turns out 64. Career: i wanted to be like an illustrator/writer but like not even half sure dude

WHICH IS BETTER

65. Hugs or kisses: i never been kissed but hugs are nice 66. Lips or eyes: eyes 67. Shorter or taller: i have no preference 68. Older or younger: older 70. Nice arms or nice stomach: wtf 71. Sensitive or loud: i kinda like both?? theyre so precious 72. Hook up or relationship: listen i cant get it on with a hook up i literally hate hook ups because i suffer from something called not being attracted to someone unless i know them well?? 73. Troublemaker or hesitant: depends. I’m usually hesitant tho.

HAVE YOU EVER:

74. Kissed a Stranger: never tahnks 75. Drank hard liquor: i though it was a water ok i didnt knew my granny wanted to drink some hard alcohol in a water glass  76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: i broke em? but never lost em 77. Turned someone down: yeah i did. i feel bad but it’s like long time ago.  78. Sex on the first date: wtf ppl 79. Broken someone’s heart: i hope i didn’t    80. Had your heart broken: yeah... 81. Been arrested: broke the law few times but they never caught me 82. Cried when someone died: yeah.... 83. Fallen for a friend: OH BOY I FEEL PERSONALLY ATTACKED RIGHT NOW (yes i did and like i guess they didnt know and still i wouldnt even confess to them so it wouldn’t really matter)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

84. Yourself: im trying my best to   85. Miracles: hell yeah 86. Love at first sight: no? 87. Santa Claus: that fat man can go back where he came from 88. Kiss on the first date: i mean if they want to?? it would be really akward tho jesus christ...

OTHER:

90. Current best friend name: I don’t have one, sadly. 91. Eye colour: Light green but people usually say it’s blue or grey 92. Favourite movie: i dunno man i like horror movies but i don’t have my favorite

Everyone who wants to do thsi feel free to do it!! i can’t think of ppl who i would tag @chibipu maybe?? only if you want to tho 

[calvinlepesh]

yes here you go

  Workcrew immediately for incompletion of the run is common for new kids and previous strugglers. Workcrew is named so because it makes u do nothing because u cant do something so instead of WORKing on something because u suck at that you literally work doing nothing. You have to work to keep yourself entertained. Work to keep yourself from going insane looking at that orange peel textured wall. Yikes. work to not fucking freeze too jesus fucking christ fuck whoever controlled the thermostat. just saying. Sure they didnt know or didnt care but fuck them for that. anyway. After the run you come inside go back to ur room if ur not on workcrew you chill for a few minutes while the chef is done cooking for the entire facility. Obvisouly being on wprl crew You dont eat whatever everyone else eats they work they get reward u no work no reward. oats and water and those fucking goddamn apples. fuck They're probably eating some kickass breakfest burrito or A nice blue berry muffin with yogurt. actually I know and still know the food schedule for breakfest and lunch for everyday of the week. It hardly change and very slightly if ever. So i knew what I could've been eating worst part about it is they eat literally inches from you. Your back facing them listening to them eat and salvate smelling all the condiments and fresh bacon. Waiting patiently for all the other students to finish their meals and wash their dishwear and go to their rooms only after do they. Give you your W/C meal. Oats and water fuck me. The worst part about it was after awhile I got so skinny that parker had me start eating a bowl of oatmeal with every meal this is when i was doing decently well but still being full of shit just not as much. But the worst part was I got 2 bowls of it while all other w/c got 1 And i started to even like it. Almost as if my taste buds had adapted over awhile to enjoy the oats. fuck those apples tho sometimes they were a 3 out of 10. best compliment I can give there sorry not sorry. anyway eat ur meal. its time for group. Group is when the entire facility all families and w/c and parker the director sit down commonly in a circle with parker in a chair and the students on the floor but before I left They had been consistently all in the life timechairs except parker who stood at the front of the main room with the students in a movie theatur like fashion without the leveled tiers obviously. but in order of w/c to family 1-5 so work crew being at the very front right feet from parker. During group we would review issues regarding anything and i mean anything wrong with the facility or the students and staff inside of it. It is encouraged and heavily peer supported to tell on each other and to work on themselves and not let anybody even other students or roomates get in your way. WORK ON YOURSELF by Sourrounding yourself with people on the same mission as you and who do the things to suggest they are going to continue to stay on that mission was a huge message that was pushed in a variety of ways at liahona. through team building exercises, group discussion and definitely confrontation. It is common for students to lash out when they're new. Probably cause they're from California and think these motherfuckers cant do shit to me im a minor. Think again, welcome to Southern buttfuck nowhere Literally sand mountains mars-looking Hurricane Utah. Body slam ur bitchass for acing outta line. Talking back blatent disrespect and obviously anything suggesting possilbe physical or verbal outbreak resulted in a restaint. Most staff would warn u like chill out orim gonna put u on the ground. And you'd get in trouble just for that. Sometimes even a little more secretly I think for not following through. but maybe not considering its a change in behavior. im sure it could be situational. Regardless. back to the story. group typically lasted an hour or so sometimes would watch a documentary afterwards sometimes even a movie however those became quite rare as the students or cycle in. Called generations of students. I was the last of my generation for a good amount of time towards the end of my stay at liahona. Depressing very much so. Watching people who go there a year after u graduate before you. U began to believe those insecurities more and more. and if you have struggle throughout your life with putting negative energy in the universe in the form of speech by conversion of energy to your body which is apart of the universe. i know alittle hard to follow but bear with me and try your best. After group you'd either get on or off of work crew based on how well u did at nothing and the little something u do such as workouts the morning run how u address staff members how even how frequent you use the bathroom to see if ur trying to get up. What was cool at Liahona was doing what you were told. being obiedient at all times immediately and when you do fuck up take the mistake and turn it into success instead of letting it slow you down as a failure. With such a poor mindset at Liahona especially towards the middle of my stay. I stayed at level 1 for 16 months. Probably a record not really a bragging thing tho. The point is I sucked at being a normal ass human. Full of attitude and was disobiedent with little to no respect given off the bat to any adult. Like I was the shit... When you're the shit you don't have the same problems that people who arent the shit have correct. So tying all the way back to the hospital metaphor with my secret broken leg. Honestly was probably secret to me as receiving the injuries throughout critical young developmental stages. I had alot of problems being honest because I was the shit and the shit wasnt supposed to be doing all this disgusting and sad. self demeaning outragous nasty stuff. thats all im gonna say. currently. im not ready to open up about my full past for i feel currently it lays at rest where it belongs until decieded otherwise by me. Now.. where were me. I was the shit. after coming out with stuff half assed in anattempt to still look kinda like the shit. they caught me on my bullshit and I spilled the beans. No longer was I the shit. I was shit. They broke me down emotionally. Making me write my story over and over again my entire life all the things I had ever done wrong. Each time I either came out with something new or changed something becasue everything I told my therapist was true but skewed and I lost track of my story. I had fucked myself and they gave me the rope to do it because they wanted me to earn my coniquences no have them given to me based on a hunch. I fucked myself. and unfortunately it was just he beginning for my emotional workouts. For the next two years. I trecked on. Fast forward july 2016 Im level 4 shadowing a new student with a level 3. us three since we are shadowing can talk in the room about rules only and how to teach them. while having our responsibilities with the quote aswell. at this point I could memorize anything. Memorized some crazy shit honestly wish that the content of the quote was more useful in a sense of remembering important things. or things that are commonly remembered by some idk. the point is we were aloud to talk about rules only. this didnt stay over time after me doing well getting to level fucking 4 this was huge for me and I had gotten comfortable and complacent in my position halting any further actions towards bettering myself everyday. exactly what they don't want you to do. We ended up flying our shadow solo which means hes a level one and we cant talk to him anymore and its cbo. basically hes in the big leagues now. But the level 3 and the other roommate who wasnt aloud to talk but was in the room while we shadowed the new student literally everyday for a month or two. And we all started breaking CBO together. basically we literally talked. about any and everything. Eventually getting comfortable doing that after a week or so couldnt have been too much longer than a week or two before guess who our same shadowed new student turns us in... Just like we had taught him to do. He was rewarded heavily. This was 1 july 2016. the 4th was parkers fav holiday does a shit ton of fun shit for everybody and everybody can talk water balloon fights watermelon eating contest hot dogs play basketball freely. fucking board games bro straight up. I had been at Liahona at this time for 2 about to be 3 Fourth of julys at Liahona and they just got better and better problem was I spent all 3 on work crew. top that off I spent all of July and into August on workcrew. It started off as suicide watch run risk and do nothing. literally as worse at it got. You can use the bathroom and sit in this chair. and you can sleep on this mattress with the fans and AC on with no blankets or pillows. So It stayed like that for  a week. Miserable completely miserable. I had finally started doing well got to level fucking four and im on work crew do nothing sui watch run risk and Ive been here for two years sleeping in the commons with no blanket or pillows shivering. Ill still never forget that day parker said I could choose to have a blanket or a pillow. FUCK U THINK? blanket. ez. I was literally giggling with joy that night under its warmth. That whole month slowly and slowly got increasingly easier on work crew and I didnt know why I was even still on It'd been a fucking month this was august 1st. The next day august 2nd 2016 Parker comes in and tells me im finally leaving. This was a really big day for me and brings to me currently some very strong emotions of relief and regret. For I hadn't completely wasted my time at Liahona but then again I typically in the past back then never completed anything. And honestly that is one of my bullshit things that I say to myself. and still have some belief in for good reason to gain perspective from it. Because unfortunately there are things in this world that are bad but also true. Thats just the way things work. There is good in bad and bad in good always. It may be hard to find or the pros out weigh the cons or vice versa. I see the bad, me not taking very good advantage at all of what Liahona had to offer for me at all times. However still gaining from it which is good aswell of course. But the bad being I did waste alot of my time. Now am I completely to blame for the duration of my time there. Yes because I made the decisions that led to me having to be there longer. honestly cause I needed to be there longer. Maybe a slight tiny bit of blame on my father for neglect to anextent of course when it came to life rules and making sure I know and remember them. But at the end of the day I kept myself on the wall and I have taken responsibility and if I havent i will now. I fucked up at liahona and I caused myself to be there for aslong as I was obviously not intentionally but for some reason. Cause I hated myself and nobody felt bad for me. I nolonger desire that attention. Because I know that If that attention is given to me in the quantity desired and by the form of attention inwhich idesired. Would inturn keep me immature as im hiding and nesting away from my feelings rather than pour them out and release the hate and sadness because its no good. it does no good besides grant perspective both to yourself and others. I never brag about giving to the homeless. Truly the reason I bring it up is because I may not have been homeless for very long or hadn't been homeless without atleast a couch or a garage to sleep in. But after enduring just that water down verison of being homeless. I know they need that damn money more than I do. Im not going to be unreasonable and give him everything I have on my card. but typically I give them at the minimum a cig if they want one and a conversation just cause people need to talk to people. whether they're drunk or not sad or happy talking turns our feelings into reality based on what you desire long term and short term almost combined in a way. You can switch up long term desires such as careers and lifestyles however it is not recommended. However also if you are still in a somewhat content mindset settling for like85 percent full on ur content scale. And this is what you need a little change up. Then by all means switch but keep the short term desires because those need to work first. Before you even decide what you want from life and ur existance ask yourself am I happy? If you are not atleast somewhat content with who you are an individual currently. You need to follow what I told you earlier. You need to dig deep in your heart and soul and mind. Focus on the center of your chest. thats where i feel my soul communicate to me. And i search it with my mind sending inquizitive thoughts to it for its response. Your body is a rosetta stone in a way for literal human communication (speech) and the vibrations of the universe. And vice versa. your body picks up things from the universe and world that it tells u. Maybe gut feelings? Hunches? A strong feeling for no reason??? EVERYTHING HAS A REASON. And if it isn't this than prove it to me. It proves itself and you can try it for yourself. Find contentment in your preplanned manifestation that we call "The Universe" by recognizing both your current insignificance in the real world possibly currently or maybe never; never in your mind atleast. But also your significance in how much control you have just because of what fucking species you are and all the things you can learn. Know you have significance because this is your world and you already chose how your life is going to end. What will last for you what won't. Because somebody (you u idiot) set it up to happen that way. Say you think im full of shit and just crazy. Let me ask you.... Lets just say for shits and giggles then, that you are God/ superior being so to speak. And you created everything we have ever known. Planets, plants, rocks .people communication, every conversation. EVERY FUCKING EVERYTHING WAS MADE BY YOU. so with that in mind given that and the vast amount of knowledge that comes with some power.literally unimaginable because we cant EVEN FUCKING COMPREHEND it.  ie You as God know that all good must have evil. So you realize large world thats actually rather small in comparison to alot of other fucking planets. Maybe it makes some people feel inferior maybe it turns people towards hate. But you decieded we're going to make a little safe haven whenthis random motherfucker wants to see if the world is flat. Killed all the indians. negative. USA positive. Rev war possibly hardcore karma for killing indians unlikely but it always is anyways. we win rev war Now we are free. Put Lepesh in free nation in 1999. He reconizes the power of the mind body and soul combined in the trinity. And wants to spread the message that you too can be happy. the suffering can end. Ive been diagonosed with depression add adhd odd ocd ptsd abcd u fucking name it. And they made a killing off of my parents. Granted I was a very problematic child so they started taking me in at a young age. over time with people telling me whats wrong with me. Yeah ima tell them to fuck off cause Im living the life i want to live. I may not know the consiquences are for me choosing to live like such. But I will and When I do I will weild that power given to me in knowledge and spread to you my wisdom. Speech isnt the only way to manifest things into your reality. Any human contact that can be described by and spoken with our apparently primitive words of any language. YOU MUST MEAN HOW YOU FEEL  Currently this is my world and universe because I value very few things about myself in the grand scheme of everything. Given that wouldn't I want the one thing I value a great deal to succeed and fulfill his dreams and have a goodass life? So thats what this mindset program will do. Others will use it becuase their kids are driving them up the walls and they just can't do it anymore. They're about to throw in the towel and don't know what to do anymore. Maybe its for somebody looking for love and they need to realize that u literally must love urself first. You cannot give what you donot already have. Unless you promiss to give which is an entire other problem in itself given that you can never give the love you want to give because you must find it for yourself by dedicating large amounts of time to yourself over time which you cannot do if ur constantly giving your feeling of infatuation and potential 'promise love' IE I promise you one day Ill love you but right now I cant cause I dont love myself. But I promise I will love myself but u wont. U simply wont. Until you learn your worth which by the fucking way bro. straight the fukc up listen. By the way. you decide your worth. The way you decide to change your worth is by finding the opposing core belief about urself the angelic side the white fluffy this is who I truly am side. The I wanna die fuck everything not even worth it this world isnt worth bringing anybody into is bullshit. However nesscessary for a short period for perspective and experiential sake. Bullshit. You manifested bullshit told to you over time in different ways. almost like taking pieces of gum out from underneath tables accorss every resturant you go through for example ur entire life. making a big ball of gross bullshit told to you in the forms of verbal abuse sexual physical. just bullshit. Best thing about bullshit is that it is always bad. The only good in the bad of bullshit is that it give great perspective and it helps this rant lol. Anyways, Realize that angelic force you hold and listen to your mind and heart tell you what you already know. and put it into action by reminding yourself about it as much as possible until its all you really think about. You'll notice key changes in yourself. Keep in mind these some of these effects happened immediately some over time some after forgetting my worth some during forgetting my worth.For myself after finding myself again focusing on the bullshit that isnt true. Radical difference in hesitation to speak to people. and to even what im going to speak. I used to care about everything and project that I care about nothing. It was fucking stupid sad and pretty pathetic actually. very sad now that I think about it. Pretending almost in a way. Sag my pants wear dark and almost shady clothing. ears pierced, quit sports, smoke weed, everything to say I don't give a fuck about anything at all ever and never will. I did it and said it. Of course with periods of absolute disbelief and saddness for I knew the whole time I was living a bullshit fabricated lie that directly stemmed from my self esteem issues and uncertainty in myself and the universe. Im very grateful for my current state of being however unsober. very very helpful and a clear message from myself that I believe I know what I need to do. Or what I want to do. But how? Im not worried about why because Its impossible and highly unlikely that the reason presents itself so early. And so it has before but many a few times and such a long time inbetween instances its almost radical to gamble on such things. Might aswell waste my time doing jack shit sitting on the fucking wall for no reason. Im going to end this in the same fashion I started it to an extent. Unexpected and unrehearsed and will summarize in steps how use this Mindset Program I designed to help those capable enough to over come depression and treat general unhappiness with the combined power of your heart mind and soul. Idk but i wasnt specifically planning on making a book for financial gain although it was a large contributing factor. and I as I sit here and think about what I typed it doesn't matter. Because regardless of what happens I wanted it to so it will in the exact way I want it to effect me. if at all idk if i will lol. Crazy man lifes a trip. I need money and i dont deserve it but I can say confidently currently right this moment I would spend my money according to what I desire in the long term. And it would help me start that journey so I may learn more. and continue to better myself as an individual everyday. or  at the very least do something that shows im a good person. In this world you have to keep your guard up not always but typically a great majority of the time. Given that, it's not hard to see why nobody trusts anybody on anything anymore. For a long time and still to this day a vast majority of humans have and will continue to act good but do bad consistently. They have simply been worshiping there bullshit thoughts. The best thing you can do for such a person who has potentially lost all hope. Or is on that path or near the end of it. Let that person know you love them. Only do so if you mean what you say tho. If you mean the words and they are looking at you when you say it. They will straight the fuck up feel your love. Might not be a fucking serotonin shot but its a little love that they will feel and remind them. Its never too late to change your mindset and find empathy for yourself and the world. Here are the current Finalized step by step instructions on how to use my newly developed highly successful Mindset Program. Guarenteeed to bring about contentment and feelings of joy to those who complete and follow these steps completely... 1.)FIRST OFF DO NOT READ THIS SHIT IF YOU AREN'T OPEN-MINDED OR YOU'LL NEVER HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN IT AGAIN, WAIT UNTIL YOU GET YOURSELF ATLEAST SOMEWHAT UNDERCONTROL.2.)EMPATHY Either Already have or Develop a very hardcore understanding and knowledge of empathy by having gratitude through perspective that you must gain. Gaining perspective can happen in a number of ways. The misfortunate are a great way to lead you to happiness. By giving away your money need it or not. who needs it more. and what are they spending it on. If you were homeless outside in january wouldnt you want to be drunk? you were gonna buy a steak and lobster dinner that night anyway even if you didnt have the 10$ cash you gave to Michael by the dumpster. That inturn puts you indebt in a way to the universe. Almost saying this guy will get something good from this at some point in his life. Could be your friend buying your next meal or an invitation to a crazy party. who knows and who knows when its going to happen. we don't the beauty of it is that you know its coming in some shape or form. infact it might have already paid its debt by making you feel better when you did it???? Put yourself in less fortunate peoples shoes. Take acid as much as you can within reason obviously you don't wanna end up fried as fuck. But definitely trip balls man go learn about yourself and the world. Acid is a key to more knowledge. You swim in it but its like trying to bring water (the knowledge) with you when you get out of the pool. You can never even get close to obtaining all of that knowledge. I just needed enough to know that my life isn't completely fucking worthless cause I truly can control my life and you can control yours. Is so empowering to see it happen first hand. To see success finally coming and showing itself after all this time. The worst part is I knew all of this shit long ago. I was told this stuff in Liahona and They knew we didn't fully get it yet. Now I get it. Finally. wtf. I can control my own life.3.)SEARCH YOUR SOUL WITH YOUR MIND. Literally ask yourself questions like a literal one sided conversation. Ask yourself. What do I desire in my life most? For me? Wife car house maybe a farm cat dog fucking dont care whatever she wants the house to look like. two cars actually. I want a boat. and a stable well paying job and some kickass kids. When do I want it to happen. I decided that before I was here. Because I was apart of the aliens maybe idk lol just a thought. Maybe they let me choose they were like yo man this is where ur coming into this planet. they're dumb but think they're really smart and theres lots of chaos they're pretty bad animals i know its a bad gig to send you into but if you like what you can make happen go for it. I wouldn't come into this world unless I knew that things would work out for me at some point. and idk if today is the day but ive realized again what I had already realized but soon forgotten about over a month after. Either from complacentcey or just down right bad memory. Either way I forgot the path and Now I am back.4.)YOU ARE LOOKING FOR THE GOOD IN THE BAD AND THE BAD IN THE GOOD For example, for me my bads are so seldom compared to what some people across the universe go through on a daily basis. I have it so good already. Now compared to the rest of my country.. yeah Im not doing very well financially or on some of the selfs. I have the mental capcity and emotional knowledge and strength currently developed from years of deep depression and sadness. Drug abuse and wanting to be numb. Wanting to die or hurt myself. Here I am reconizing the bad in my life the symptoms of listening and believing other peoples bullshit. Reconizing that the bullshit isnt true and was never true. sometimes reconizing a genreal date that you remember yourself starting to believe what people bullshit to you about yourself. Maybe you remember how you felt about yourself before someone called you fat or ugly or hurt u in some way. Remember previous relationships that have cut u deep over time and may even hurt a bit to think about. Remember the fighting and bullshit. But most importantly remember the good times. Ive caught myself many times forgetting the numerous good times had with previous loved ones in almost a desperate attempt to save yourself. Its a protection tactic that completely stops any and all emotional grow. The only way you get stronger is if you do the work. Just like at the gym the only way you get a ripped ass chest or a 6 pack is by doing the fucking work and lifting it. There is no short cut that is worthwhile longterm. Roids give you boobs and shrink ur balls now ur shot on the kids Idea cause u tried to take a shortcut. Same with emotions. using heroin was a big thing for me for awhile i was at a point where I knew it was stopping me from growing emotionally. Because it doesn't allow you to feel anything. you feel numb you don t care. when I took heroin I felt like I really was who I said I was. I overdosed a few months ago and died onheroin. started using again a couple days later. I stopping in November and id be lying if I said it wasnt brutal. so sure I tried to numb the pain with other things. Alcohol is a big one coke, meth, lots and lots of weed, anything that would or could alter my mind besides heroin is what Ive been doing.  Now none of these things are beneficial in the long term except for weed and acid maybe coke if the universe allows it. The opportunity that you desire would not present itself to you without you first creating the desire. I have a desire for drugs. So I have drugs. But Im at the very least smart enough to realize that heroin is if not a complete block of emotions pretty damn fucking close to it. which allows for significantly less emotion growth through the actual feeling of your feelings and emotions. Another big thing that can help is talking about what you discovered about yourself all the bullshit you believed and the statements you have in place to replace them. My previous statement for example Im a fucking loser thats never going to amount to shit. My angelic statement, I've made many mistake and failures in my life at a young age that I wouldn't trade for the world for they have development me into me. You've made it this far havent you?5.) USE YOUR TRINITY TO TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE STARTING BY FINDING WHAT WORKS FOR YOU TO HAVE A CONSTANT REMINDER. Basically this means find a way to take your new angelic statement created from the good inside the bad and either associate that statement to whatever you see best fit. For example. I have an alarm in the morning that reads! Choose to be happy! with some other notes aswell. And I read that I think to myself. Its a choice. I can use my mind to change my reality over time based on how I feel. I DONT HAVE TO BE SAD ANYMORE BECAUSE I HAVE THE DESIRES IN MY LIFE THAT PULL ME TOWARDS THEM THROUGH MY DECISIONS AND ACTIONS CURRENTLY.