#no u may not reblog this i do not wish to deal with the ~drama~

[gatheredfates]

Not to be controversial on main, but I really hate posts about 'unshippable' muses and roleplaying anything other than romance, and that comes from a place of seeing those posts all the time; often to the detriment and shame of people who may only roleplay for romance and/or smut. From personal experience, more often than not, it creates an atmosphere where people become too frightened to approach people about potential ships and end up being weird about it ooc. Just state your boundaries on the tin rather than making vague illusions to it in your reblogs. I'm someone who fucking loves ships; I have a deep, vested interest in them. I also love platonic ships. I really hate the weird puritanical nonsense of 'uwu, i am above base shipping!' yeah ok shut up.

[fleursbending]

── 𝐑𝐔𝐋𝐄𝐒 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐔𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄𝐒.

⤷ please read this before requesting anything, and also to be aware of the general rules surrounding my writing blog specifically !

⤷ tumblr has been flagging and putting community labels for "mature" on alot of my fics, even after appealing they still have them. the reasonings usually do not align but alas - if you want to enjoy my content and you're comfortable turning off the settings that prohibit you from reading them (temporarily or permanently) is up to you!

── 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐑𝐄𝐐𝐔𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐒 :

✿ there will always be an indication on my pinned post, which is my navigation - whether or not requests are open if you do not know where to look!

✿ before requesting (whether it be a prompt, headcanon, oneshot - etc), please look at who i write for, just incase you wish to request for someone i currently do not have in said list!

✿ ^^ i am always open to adding someone new, feel free to put a request through my ask box.

✿ please specify if you want fem!reader or gn!reader in your requests. i do not write for m!reader.

✿ be as detailed as you can with your requests unless i say you don't need to (e.g writing prompts event). you can send me a full essay if you wish, it helps me creatively and builds on a better fleshed-out storyline.

✿ if you send me a request, please don't mass-send them to other accs ! i use my own personal time to finish requests.

✿ there are certain topics i refuse to write, if there was ever to be a request which includes such things - i may decline. i am sorry, and i hope you can understand!

✿ i am willing to write dark content, it depends. i also read and may reblog some myself! you can block the tag #junie joins the dark side , if you wish to not see such content.

── 𝐌𝐘 𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 :

✿ i will not accept or write about any of the following : sexual assault, incest, pedophilia, self-harm, heavy use of gore, abortion, scat, vore, cheating, body horror, mlm relationships/sexual. (there will probably be more things added to this in due time).

✿ i will not be writing smut/nsfw/suggestive content for underage characters even if they are aged up.

✿ minors are welcome on this blog due to the wide range of content i write, e.g - platonic familial bonds stories. however, do not interact with any of my nsfw 18+ works/interactions. i am not the age police, i personally do not monitor every single person viewing my content. but just be aware of the content you are consuming. and if i avidly seeing you interacting with them, i will not hesitate to block you.

✿ do not interact with me personally in any nsfw/romantic way if you are a minor. that's just weird ass behaviour !!

── 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐎𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐓𝐔𝐅𝐅 :

✿ my ask box is always open ! feel free to talk to me about anything, it doesn’t have to be request related. whether it is about life, or sending me a rec of something ! i love u all <3

✿ on the contrary, do not use my inbox as a place to trauma dump! there are topics triggering to me and i don't want to be dealing with them just because an anon sent me something. i am not your personal therapist, nor am i even qualified to be such a thing. think before you send! my ask box is just a place of comfort, shits, and giggles.

✿ any unnecessary drama or hate towards myself or my friends will be deleted instantly !! (unless i'm feeling like being an asshole right back).

✿  if we are mutuals you can ask for my discord and other personal socials, just dm me !

✿  treat me with kindness and respect, and i shall do the same. bigotry or disrespect will not be tolerated in any way, shape, or form. whether that is towards me or other individuals who come across my page!

✿  please follow all of these rules ! or else you may have a chance of being blocked. some of these rules may be subject to change, so please refer here when you feel the need to do so.

𝒇𝒍𝒆𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒃𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ━━━ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

[romancemoving]

✨ *'ai no senshi' chorus voice* vowing in our hearts, soldiers of love!

01. NAME OR ALIAS : rae / diren. 02. BIRTHDAY :  december 24th 1991. 03. ZODIAC SIGN :  capricorn sun, leo moon, leo rising, scorpio venus. *cue honey cocaine’s ‘ I’M AN ASSHOLE. ’* 04. HEIGHT :  pretty average around 5′7”. if u see me in public taller cuz i wear platforms or super chunky soles most of the time and im too good to wear flat shoes... pretty hos dont wear plain sneakers. 05. HOBBIES :  music!!! listening to it, making it, critiquing it, dissecting it. i just started a rateyourmusic account so im gonna turn into a douchebag real quick. video games, cooking, skincare, makeup, nail art, reading, botany, documentaries, staring at shoes i really like...., roleplaying of courzeee, photography, collecting tacky 90s blouses, watching people argue on reddit. i love drama. what can i say. um... watching wrestling heehee. football. american football. not whatever u europeans are into. obsessing over cars i loooove cars. love lookin at em... love fixin em.... also just studying shit. i know an obscene amount of trivia about things from bizarre country border disputes to metaphysical theories and physics and the like. also ask me what i know about fashion. i know exactly what collection that belt buckle was featured in, in that runway post u reblogged. 06. FAVOURITE COLOUR :  burgundy. :)))!!!! i think........ 07.  FAVOURITE BOOK : ' love warrior ’ by glennon doyle. it’s so honest and gripping..... i rec it if you like nonfiction from people whove been thru it. 08.  FAVOURITE FOOD : bibim guksu, budae jjigae, butter chicken, avocado in everything, blackberries, greek salad!!! lemon pepper wings... i also fuck with diao xiaomian with chili oil!! 09.  LAST FILM / SHOW WATCHED : idk. i think it was ‘ all purpose cultural catgirl nuku nuku ’ lol.

10.  INSPIRATION : virote started off as an oc for a jrpg from a tiny little company u may know called square... ya know, kingdom hearts, etc etc. he was an oc for final fantasy x. he was a summoner, endowed with the gift to save the world. but he failed. mostly everyone he loved was taken from him and his journey was dealing with the aftershock of all of that but then he kinda grew into his own thing of an amalgamation of stuff. 90s pop culture, 2000s pop culture. trashy reality tv. art house films. 80s and 90s anime. some 2000s anime. ive watched so much anime, its fucking stupid. that obscure ova that hasnt had a physical copy since 1994? ive seen it. that weird ecchi one-off with a publisher that has literally no info available? i’ve watched that. manga that was only printed a couple of years around 2005? been there! also just life experiences. i’ve met so many crazy fucking people in my life.... done and seen a lot of crazy shit. never a dull moment in an alabama town where everyones high off their ass on meth! people tell me vi’s pretty real.... ya.... a lot of his experiences are real. down to meeting a guy behind a post office selling cough syrup from the back of his car. down to the bald drug dealer that pedals through the neighborhood on a little bike with a cute bell, wearing socks and sandals. city pop music too..... the magic, the sparkles, the twinkles. the wavy haziness of vaporwave. vi’s just this big, big reference i kinda love that. wish more people got said references. glkfdjglkdf.

11.  STORY BEHIND URL : it’s the from the og lyrics of the iconicccccccc sailor moon theme ‘ moonlight densetsu ’!!!!!!!

the moonlight makes me want to cry i can’t even call, it’s midnight but i’m so innocent, what should i do my heart’s a kaleidoscope

moonlight guides how many time we’ll be reborn counting the twinkling of stars predicting the course of our love because we were born in the same country it’s a miracle romance

a wondrous miracle approaches us we meet by chance again and again the countless shining stars above us foretell love’s whereabouts born on the same earth a miracle romance i do believe in that, a miracle romance.

✨ TAGGED BY: @antigoddex TY! ✨ TAGGING: @emptyvictory @debtwon @tckkis @starfoam @bruisedconscience @oddisms @guttersniper + ummm if u wanna do it ur tagged :),,,,

[rrrawrf-writes]

lordy lordy loo it’s been a hot minute since i’ve made an original post, i forgot where the button was

so. some of you may have seen the stuff running around about violetvineyard and mvcreates, some of you may not have. i’m just gonna lay out my experiences here, now that other people are talking about it and now that the server has been deleted. i’m gonna try to present a fair and nuanced version; i’m not gonna include screenshots (right now) bc i’m lazy, mostly.

there are several other people who are putting up way better breakdowns than i am. i just figured i might as well toss mine onto the pile bc why not? but if you’re hoping to hear from me a story about how i’ve been wronged, per se, you won’t find much of one, because i played mainly a spectator role, and never had much trouble there. i will have a vague, lukewarm defense of some of the people involved that other people may not agree with, but again, this is all just the whole VV deal from my point of view.

@nuwuhorizons (i haven’t said how dang much i lOVE your url) and @sapiencenotes have very good receipts and breakdowns. if you want a more in-depth (and dramatic, forgive me for using the word, i’m not trying to downplay this), check them out. @time-to-write-and-suffer also has some great stuff on their blog about all of this.

all righty. so. i joined VV not right at the beginning, but soon after it was started. there was an application process, i got accepted, i was looking for a community to help me start writing more. (it didn’t help, but that’s not their fault, that’s mine.) the person who owned the server was called mina, and on tumblr, mina’s url was mvcreates. mina is a nonbinary Muslim woman of color, a professional who i believe works at harvad and deals a lot with things like infectious diseases, iirc. she was doing a whole lot of work when the pandemic came around, and so the past few months wasn’t quite as active as she had been at the start, both on the server and tumblr. 

the very first time mina came on my radar, before i joined vv, was because she had corrected someone’s typo on a post, and it stirred up a minor drama about “don’t give unsolicited criticism” and “is pointing out minor errors like that okay” and blahblahblah. i ran across that on a friend’s dash, and also ran across the promo for vv from that friend’s dash, as well, and joined bc y not.

everything was p cool for a while. it was nice to meet some new people and some of my mutuals on there. mina seemed like a fun person. she was about a year, year and a half, maybe, older than i am. the first things that kind of started rubbing me wrong at the start was how she would kind of dismiss suggestions for the server than i and a friend had, and how she kept bringing up her age - she would often say things like “well i wouldn’t do that but i’m an Old(TM) so maybe i just don’t get it” and i can’t really explain why that bothered me. i think it felt dismissive, like Younger Folks Don’t Know How Things Should Work. also, like. she kept bringing it up. as if it meant something, as if plenty of us on that server weren’t actually around her age. there was a convo on vaccinations where i wanted to make the point that a lot of anti-vaxxers should be educated instead of ridiculed and shamed, but i never really got to making that point bc she jumped in very sharply and explained that anti-vaxxers all come from a class of people who are generally educated. i didn’t bother saying anything else. 

at the start, it was tiny little things like that. i chalked it up to her personality and mine just not quite matching up. i sat down a lot and examined my own internal biases, bc i knew something was bugging me, but i couldn’t tell if it was legitimate, or if i was jealous and petty, or if i was being discriminatory towards her identity. i still wonder that a lot; i want to be careful that i’m examining her actions here, and not the person who made those actions.

because the other thing that bothered me was that she was perfect at pretty much everything. she was a decent, if not good, writer, from what i read. i thought her “art”/edits were neat, even if sometimes i looked at them going “that just looks like an edit, not your own art, but u kno, edits are art too, so i’m not gonna say anything.” she had a lot of motivation, a lot of ambition. soon, this kind of transferred over into me feeling like she acted like she had to be perfect at everything. i think this is probably one of the more “lisa is just being petty” things, rather than a judgement on her character, but she seemed to flaunt her own skills and accomplishments a lot. not that no one is allowed to brag sometimes! but it was just another layer of “this bothers me.”

then there was the hero worship.

people in the server loved mina. i liked her. i had no problems with her, even if there were a few things i was a little “ehhhh” about. vv got pretty big, pretty quickly, and i assume there was a decent amount of turnover and people who just joined to lurk or sometimes share things in the promos channel or elsewhere. but the most active folks just. they adored mina with every fiber of their being. mina could do no wrong. no one ever called her out on anything; everything she did was hailed as fantastic and wonderful. and honestly, for the most part, it wasn’t like she was doing crappy stuff. some of the praise was well-deserved, imo, but it just bordered on embarrassing for some of these people, how much they just worshipped the ground she walked on.

and she didn’t really like, discourage it. like, at the start, i think i remember her being more modest, but in general, she just let it go, and so did i, bc like. i aint that kinda jerk.

the stated purpose of violetvineyard was to have a community that valued reciprocity. reciprocity was mina’s biggest thing. there was a channel for people to post their stuff on, so the rest of us could browse and read and reblog. i, admittedly, didn’t do as much of that as i wish i did, but part of it was because i do have a life outside of the internet, a memory and attention span the size of a gnat, and because like. 90% of the stuff that people put in the promos channel were things like edits, writeblr intros, wip intros, etc etc, when all i wanted was to just read some actual writing. but that’s neither here nor there. what got hilarious to me, though, was whenever mina’s fervent admirers would talk about how mina was, quote, a pillar of the community. how vv was doing something No Other Writeblr Group Had Done Before. how Important and Special this server was.

folks. i’ve been on here for several years now. we don’t have a community. we have a bunch of little cliques who reblog from their friends and complain about people not reblogging them. noah fence, but come on. vv got pretty dang big, but it was still a small corner of a small section of tumblr. like. sorry, all y’all, but them’s the breaks.

also, this was hilarious to me bc there are several big writeblrs who have been running around long before mina and vv showed up. yet, according to these people in the server, mina had Single-handedly Brought Hope To This Desolate Wasteland.

in the end, vv became just another little clique whose members reblogged from their friends. i don’t want to devalue the good that did come out of vv. a lot of the picture being painted rn was that the majority of the server were scary dog-piling people. the majority of the server were just writeblrs looking to promo their stuff and talk about their writing. unfortunately, few bad apples, bad rep, negatives outshine positives, etc etc. but i think it did do some good re: exposure for a few folks, even tho it didn’t turn into what it could have been. 

another one of the things that was a minor irritant to me was that they eventually started archiving the vent channel, which was probably the most-used channel. that didn’t sit right to me, but as always, i was a coward had nothing to say about it, so i didn’t. the reason given was that there were often things in the vent channel that people might regret being there, so it was periodically archived and a fresh channel started.

so i’m rambling a lot about stuff that’s probably boring and inconsequential. that’s 90% of this whole vv thing, tho, you need to understand that. 

the biggest thing that bothered me about mina, i think, came about from the constant hero worship from her adoring fans. and i know there’s a whole argument to be said about expecting labor from people with marginalized identities, which is an argument i agree with - don’t expect someone of a minority group to educate you or to face trauma or to shut down bigots, etc etc. but by now, mina had a lot of followers in general, and in specific, she had quite a few people who would defend her at every single perceived slight.

she made a lot of those fun writeblr reblog games, like “send me a fruit that says this about my writing.” those were cool, i’ll admit that. but she was super into “you have to send an ask to the person you reblog from, RECIPROCITY!!!!!!!!!!!” and seemed to struggle with the fact that sometimes, people don’t follow her established rules on her posts for these games. she’d complain about it every single time that happened in the vent channel, which, again, that’s fine? that’s what vents are for, it’s annoying to not get cool fun asks when you do these games, but also, that’s life for you. she could depend on her fans to send her plenty of asks, whereas the much smaller blogs who reblogged these games would probably get f-all, half the time. if you’ve gone through nuwuhorizons or one of the other blogs i mentioned earlier, you’ll have run across the incident where mina’s friends harrassed an 11 year old for not doing her ask game right.

an eleven year old. 

and this is my biggest grief with mina. she only stopped her friends from dogpiling people... once? maybe twice? that i remember. and not only that, but there were SEVERAL occasions where she would get on the vent channel, complain about someone who had said something wrong on one of her posts (and sometimes, again, these were legitimate!), and then ask if someone in the server wanted to reply to them. reasons for such ranged from “i’m too busy rn” to “they would probably listen more to a white person than me.”

again. this, on occasion, is not necessarily a bad thing. we cannot expect labor and response from minorities. my issue was that she kept doing this. and sometimes it was fine, just someone who would drop a note on the post or send a polite anon. but this, to me, the whole asking someone else to fight your battles for you? that really bothered me. mina is a grown adult. either ignore it, like the rest of us chumps, or deal with it yourself. having friends support you is not a bad thing - if i was attacked on tumblr and my friends jumped in to defend me, i’m cool with that. but i wouldn’t ask them to, and then not do anything myself.

to me, this attitude just encourages dogpiling. this felt like she was taking advantage of the people admiring her so whole-heartedly, and using them to deal with minor grievances. (again, i don’t want to downplay some of the actual racism and xenophobia she experienced on this website, because there was some pretty sketchy stuff that did need someone else stepping in to object to. but then there was “ugh this person asked me what program i use to make my music and i don’t want to answer them bc that’s rude,” and stuff of that caliber. like, mina, you built yourself a pretty big following here on tumblr, you don’t get to complain when people are trying to ask you questions and engage with you when you set yourself up as a knowledgeable person on a subject.)

i’m going to mention @gingerly-writing because she already made a post on the subject, but there was an instance where we were in the vent channel and watched a lot of mina’s friends send anons and reblogs of a hurtful nature to one person. eventually, ginger stepped in to say “hey, i don’t think we need to keep doing this, they are a minor,” and after she did so, i also jumped in, saying something along the lines of, “yeah, i’ve seen this kind of stuff blow up in another server and end in a really regrettable situation where no one was happy, can we stop.” both ginger and i received a private message from the mods (individually) saying that we shouldn’t police the chat, etc etc. not during that message, but on the vent channel, another mod jumped in to say that the people dogpiling the blogger were also minors. as if that makes it okay, and isn’t actually extremely worrying in its own right.

after that, i pretty much took a stance of “all right then i just won’t say anything at all.” i stuck around vv because i hated myself actually really liked a few of the others in the server, including a couple of the mods who are actually really cool people, not all the vv mods are sketch, and because honestly? i lowkey knew that vv was going to crash and burn sometime, and i wanted to be there to watch what happened. due to the pandemic, and her line of work, mina became less active, and the whole server died down a bit. 

then someone reblogged one of mina’s ‘art’ posts and accused her of tracing. mina’s admirers immediately jumped into action. nuwuhorizons has it pretty well documented on their blog. there was nothing in the server about it, except one of the others said “oh man i saw that and it pissed me off,” there was some minor chat, and then i woke up and wanted to know what had happened, and was told “don’t worry about it.”

so, naturally, bc the only thing i thirst for is water and Drama(TM), i went looking for it.

found it on some of mina’s friend’s blogs, where i found who had reblogged and said mina was tracing, and followed those reblog chains, where several of mina’s followers attacked the accuser and made fun of their name and age and defended mina, pulling out progress videos and stuff of mina’s work. the accuser was trans and still a teenager, even if technically an adult, so that made things a lot worse. mina eventually posted something explaining that she was pencil tracing and had a very cheery, false-positive tone to the whole thing.

things sorta ended at that, but then maybe the same day, or the day after, user hyba made that big ol post about the Big Scary Tumblr Mirror Website Copying All Your Good, Hard Work. mina and her friends jumped on this. they threw it in the server and talked about things like intellectual property rights and “i don’t like how this makes me feel :(” and from there, went in to how tumblr was a terrible garbage site and then mina and most of the mod team decided that it was time to pack up VV and leave tumblr completely. 

pretty much everyone i know were mina’s besties have vanished off tumblr. mina made an announcement that VV was “migrating” off tumblr and discord(???) and dropped another application to join the great vv migration. i did not apply bc i just have too freaking much going on in my life and needed to get out of this for the sake of my own mental health. it was tempting as hell, tho, i will say that. 

a couple things about this - at the time, mina is also having some pretty bad things going on in her family. she was very vague on the details, but i think that really contributed to wanting to leave; on top of the pandemic and everything else, she was probably heckin stressed. but also like. she never called out her followers for attacking her accuser. she never made any sort of post talking about it. she never told her friends on the server “hey don’t do that.” she never took accountability for it, or, honestly, for anything else she or her friends have done that didn’t feel too good. the mirror sites aren’t really a big deal. 

after the server was archived, it was left up a couple days so everyone could grab contact info, etc. during this time, i was checking the ‘violetvineyard’ tag and saw someone post “what happened to mvcreates they haven’t answered my application to vv,’ and i responded with “oh, the server closed down bc of the copy cat sites.”

the same day, i got a tumblr DM from one of the former mods asking me not to give away any details about vv leaving tumblr. it was very politely worded and everything, but it was still just like

okay? vv is over? why are you asking me not to say anything. and it wasn’t like i was even spilling any hot goss, i was just repeating the excuse (and i do mean excuse) mina gave us. 

anyway, that mod is off tumblr, too, as far as i know, or else they stealthin. which is fine, u do u, buddy.

uhh conclusion time, i guess? i have a few scattered screenshots of things, but i’m not posting em bc i’m lazy and also running late for a thing. but really, for me, i didn’t have a whole lot of beef with mina or pretty much any of the other folks on vv. i thought that mina and her friends were a bit too eager for blood, and that really bothered me. i’m annoyed they shut down vv completely, because it could actually have been something great. if mina wanted off writeblr, i wish she had given the whole network over to people interested in running it; instead, what was a good thing for a lot of people is now completely gone, with no existing framework for people to build on. sure, anyone can go make their own network/family for writeblr, but now it’s just going to splinter into a bunch of different, smaller groups, and we’re all back to square one.

but whatever. i didn’t get to see the server go down in flames, instead it just ended with a hasty retreat and a few whimpers, and quite honestly i wished my staying in had paid off.

i do want to reiterate - there were quite a few people in vv who i think are great, and this does include some of the mods themselves.

i’ve also gotten a couple messages from a few other folks who had been in vv who have their own real, real sketch stories, which are making me rethink how i feel about mina and her friends, and all the good credit i gave them. i just wanted to present this bc it’s my blog and i do what i want, fight me.

and if anyone wants to chat about vv, hit me up. i keep things as private as you want them to be, and i love love love talking about this nonsense. Give Me The Deets.

[aching-tummies]

Have you ever dealt with food-restriction or ED or whatever?

I really debated answering this one. I understand that it's a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and I do go into some personal details with my struggles, so I'm going to put most of that under a cut.

I know a lot of blogs have something like "we do not stan ED in this house" and that's the extent of their address on the topic and some get pretty angry if anyone even mentions ED around them. I get it, it's a triggering topic and it can be unhealthy and maybe hearing about it or seeing it or whatever pushes someone (back) into bad habits. I understand all that. In my opinion though, shutting down the topic is problematic. I believe that destigmatization saves lives--and not just for ED. Making it a dirty little secret and something one feels ashamed of talking about or struggling with creates more problems. It doesn't go away just because someone feels they cannot talk about it. I'm on the side of destigmatization--where "how are you" is an actual question rather than a casual greeting where "good" or "great" are the only acceptable answers. No--it's supposed to be a question and we shouldn't have to feel ashamed when we are going through crap. Maybe neither party has time to get into it then and there and maybe the other party isn't comfortable/or the right person to go to with those particular issues...but "how are you" is supposed to be a genuine question, not a greeting.

Short answer to whether or not I've dealt with food-restriction or ED: yes.

I don't want to invite drama onto my blog with this...but I think it's time I said something on the topic. For one, I'm sick of how people go "we don't stan ana on this blog--GTFO"  and leave the discussion at that. I don't think that is healthy. People that actually struggle with EDs and Ana maybe want to get help...but professional/formal help is not always accessible and not necessarily always the right tool for what they are going through in that moment. I understand that EDs are unhealthy and I am not trying to glorify them...but I want to say that I care about the people struggling with the stuff and I admire their resilience. There's enough shaming going on around the world and I'm not going to dish it out to someone struggling with an ED. I'm not going to make it out to be something that's taboo to talk about like it's some dirty little secret. I want to de-stigmatize it. I want a world where someone can be like, "I struggle with food/eating and I had a setback last night" and those of us listening can be like, "Alright. Is there something you need/want me to do with that information? How can I help?" Currently, I see a lot of, "Shh! That's a triggering topic! Do you want to set off all the other ED suffer-ers in here?! Don't talk about that noise!" even in my IRL friend groups and I think it's just sad. These are the same friends that are constantly reblogging, "It's okay to not be okay" and “I’m a safe person to tell stuff to” stuff but clearly they don't believe that.

The way I see it, living with EDs is like living with a pet alligator. It was once small and cute and early on maybe you made one choice: you chose to keep it. Great...well, now it's grown and it's a problem and you don't know what to do with a full-grown alligator that eyes you like you're it's next meal. Who do you talk to when everyone shuts you down and maybe there isn't an "animal control" number you can reach out to because it's expensive or it doesn't exist in your area or they're so over-booked that you'll be alligator-chum before they get to you? That's how I see ED. It's terrifying but it's still 'your' pet alligator, even if you feel more like it's pet human at times.

Onto the personal aspects.

I've never been officially diagnosed with an ED and I don't believe I've ever done something that's extremely dangerous on this front. That being said I have (and sometimes still do) struggle with intrusive thoughts about my body.

I'm "average" sized...maybe on the bigger side of average in North America...however, there's a different standard in Asian culture. Like the "Asian F". I was always told I was supposed to be smaller. I was supposed to be no more than 5'3, no more than 110lbs, have a bust no bigger than 34C, and be able to fit into anything marketed to teens and up. Yeah...I'm none of that.

I'm going to try not to rant and get angry and upset...so here goes, take 7 on trying to answer this.

I grew up surrounded by judgmental adults. I eat and I'm fat; I refuse to eat or eat less and I'm exhibiting worrisome behavior. My take away: I bring dishonour on my cow no matter what I do. Sure, there are those that'll be like, "they'll judge me whether I eat or not so I may as well eat some good food"...yeah...that's not me. Choosing to skip the meal and the company entirely is the only way I feel/felt like I 'win'...but as a child that wasn't an option.

I mostly ate alone in University, but my brain filled in for the silence of judgmental comments. If I ate my whole lunch in one sitting I'd get upset with myself. I'd pack smaller portions and I'd be aware they were smaller, but I'd still be upset with myself for finishing it...or even finishing it and still being hungry. If I caved and bought a sugary drink or a snack or something because it looked good, I'd scold myself for using up the food budget as well as the calories budget. I used to break apart individual cookies--one cookie would take 3-4 sittings/days for me to allow myself to finish because I'd only allow myself two fractured pieces at a time. Some days, i.e. weekends, I'd intentionally skip a meal or two and rationalize that I was simply indulging in kink and that I'd eat later. I always did end up eating later and going about my life as normal. "Fasting once in a while is supposed to be healthy", I'd tell myself...but I won't deny that there was some part of me that would tell me that every skipped meal and calorie ignored was gradually working toward shrinking my body.

Despite how it sounds, I wasn't actually doing noticable damage to my body. Physically, I was within the realm of healthy...maybe on the bigger side of average and definitely not mentally sound...but my body was fine. My body didn't change--I didn't gain or lose weight. I ate...I just felt bad about it and beat myself up about it. In retrospect, it was a heck of a lot of mental anguish I did to myself with nothing to show for it.

Life after University is pretty stressful. Stress doesn't agree with my tummy so I got (and still get) frequent upset stomachs. I've become pretty conscious of eating and how my stomach feels so I end up being careful to eat less so that there is less to upset my tummy. I do it because an upset stomach is inconvenient...but I do enjoy the fact that it seems I have lost a little weight. Losing weight isn't a big part of my rational though. My coworkers have mentioned that I look thinner. I don’t see much of a change when I look in the mirror...but my belt does up two notches tighter without too much fuss so I guess I have slimmed down just a smidge. I didn't intend to lose weight, I just cut down on eating because I didn't want to deal with so many upset stomachs...I think I'm allowed to enjoy the unintentional weight loss without it being a problem...but if I had a problem then I guess what I think about this situation doesn't count for much.

I wish I was thinner--just enough to fit into acceptable sizes in the women's section. Enough to not feel like "the big one" when among my friends. I don't idealize the extremes of weight-loss...like...I don't want to be able to count my ribs or have my joints be wider around than my biceps or whatever. And I don't feel like I'm obsessed with losing weight/being thinner. It's something I want...but I also want a burrito and a can of Cola. I tend to partake more than I deny myself nowadays...just in smaller portions. I’ll still get mad at myself for indulging...but I do indulge and try to lessen the mental kicking by splitting things between two meals or something. I still break apart my cookies and eat them over the course of a couple of days...but most of that is because I run out of time to enjoy the treat or because I want to ration it so that I don't have to spend money to buy another one every single time. I don't try to count calories and all that. I still see eating less as a good thing...but I'll still eat a decent portion...I won't pick at my food rather than eat it.

My opinion here, but I don't think I'm unhealthily obsessing over weight and body issues and stuff. They're a part of my life but I don't think they do enough to be super problematic at this stage in my life.

And now onto the tie-in with the content on this blog. I've answered quite a few asks about how I feel about 'stuffing' and the thing that rhymes with "Geight Wain" with "for reasons I don't want to share, I'm not comfortable with that stuff". Most of the reasons I was thinking of for those asks is covered in the personal stuff above. I'm not comfortable with stuffing and the big "double-u gee" because for all of my life I've felt or internalized some judgements about body size and weight. It's very upsetting for me. It's also why I hate a lot of the degradation talk and things mentioning chub or fat or rolls or whatever--because it brings be back to being a kid sitting amongst judgmental adults feeling ashamed of how much of the universe’s matter I took up. If other people like those tags they're free to do so...I just don't want that sort of thing shoved into my face or imposed onto me because it makes me feel bad and makes me remember bad times. I’m into tum-kink and stuff and would love to indulge IRL with an actual partner someday...but I don’t think I will ever be comfortable with putting on weight or even RPing something like that. The thought of getting bigger terrifies me and it’s not something I want encouragement for personally. You do you if that’s what you’re into...just leave me out of it. 

[storieswrittcnarc]

ALRIGHT SINCE SOME OF Y’ALL CAN’T READ RULES, I’M PINNING THIS TO THE TOP OF MY BLOG SO U GOT NO CHOICE.

Hello. My name is Ares (formerly known as snow - please do not call me Snow). He/him pronouns please. 21+ and prefer to interact with those 18+. This blog is mutuals only and semi selective. I’m autistic, so i will be blunt, to the point where it may seem mean. i’m sorry in advance, i don’t mean it in any bad way, it’s just who i am.

Before we get started, I don’t write on discord. I do have it for ooc purposes though

I have had a callout on me in the past, people are STILL obsessed with me. I make no apologies for the things I’ve written as it has been FICTION. I will say one thing though - I have never ever written pedophilia, no matter what the callout says are “proves”. It was an aged up verse and it was written nearly a year ago anyway. Believe me, don’t believe me, I don’t give a fuck. If you don’t like me - block me. I will not apologize for fiction nor will I blame you for keeping yourself safe. I’m sorry if this seems harsh but I’m sick and tired of the bullshit. And since I know the people who are still obsessed with me will be reading this - call me out 100 times, I don’t care. You’re literally accomplishing nothing.

Call out culture: I want no part of it. Unless someone is being actively harmful and predatory, I want no part of it. Even then, I will not reblog it, and will block and go on my way. Call-out culture does more harm than good and I do not wish to be a part of it, leave me out of it.

Anon hate will be blocked and deleted, don’t even bother.

All muses within ships or involved in smut are 18+. Aged up verses may happen. I’m not writing pedophilia by aging people up and if you think I am, kindly get off my blog.

DO NOT USE ME AS A MEME RESOURCE.

There is rather dark topics present here. I will be handling these as delicately as possible but I will not be censoring myself from anything I wish to write. Just because I write them does not mean I condone them or am forcing them upon anyone/promoting them in any way, ya’ll pls don’t be gross in rl. This includes, self harm, implications of sexual assualt and dealing with the trauma that comes with it, incest, suicidal ideations, toxic ships, among various other things.  Please understand this. Tags will be provided for you to blacklist and no one is forcing you to follow me.

Shipping - I’m a multishipper and yes I ship toxic and incest pairings. If you want to ship an pairing like that, let me know or like the shipping call for that character. I’m not opposed to it but I also will NEVER force anyone into it.

I’m mutuals only. Do not message me if we’re not mutuals, do not send me memes, you will be blocked for disrespecting both me and my rules. However, you ARE welcome to send me headcanon prompts.

No drama. I’m not here to have drama on my blog. This is a stress-free, drama-free blog. Anon hate will be deleted. Callouts will get you blocked. It’s different if it’s a callout over actual predators but call out over things like fiction aren’t okay. Drama gives me anxiety, no one wants that.

I do not believe in policing people. If I see you policing people's blogs whether it's their portrayal, the things they write, etc, or you try to police me, you will be blocked.

Please specify a muse when sending something in.

Multiple threads with one person is okay!

Triggering material will be present. They will be tagged in the format of (trigger here) tw. I will write dark subject matter if I want to. I will write whatever I want, whenever I want. If I get hate about anything I write, it will be blocked and so will you. The few things that I will NOT write is pedophilia

My triggers are visuals of sharks and the c*nt word, please tag and avoid this word with me, thank you

NSFW is allowed and tagged simple as nsfw. I’m not really comfortable writing the dominant party in smut. So that probably won’t be a thing i do unless it’s like with m/f ships and even then i’m not sure if i can. If you don’t like that, you don’t have to smut with me.

I write all my muses as bi/pan/demi unless they are canonically gay because we’re not erasing that yo. Huge multi-shipper, I can probably ship just about anything (except for adult/minor ships) so feel free to ask to ship!

I don’t mind ooc talk, feel free to talk to me, I don’t bite.

Feel free to send as many memes as you want. Just specify muse when sending in. 

Writing: i prefer longer detailed threads such as multi-para and novella.short threads - as in one-liners to one paragraph threads - will probably be dropped

I’m not a fast rper. Some replies may wait months, if you can’t handle that, do not write with me

If I block/soft block/unfollow you please do not come to me asking why. Please respect that I’m mutuals only or that will get you blocked too.

Rules are subject to change.

[poseidon-resources]

RANDOM BIOS

🌜✨ please ✨🌛 • like/reblog this post • credit to yasminemdrs on twitter

eu não sou hetero, nem homo e nem bi, aqui é love yourself 

nem tua mãe fala bem de você 

mete mais o pau e se mete menos na vida das pessoas

você é linda, no escuro

te sigo de volta so pra ver os micão ao vivo na minha timeline

não precisa ter medo de filme de terror pq nem monstro quer te pegar

baixar a cabeça nunca, só se for pra pagar boquete. 

levanta a cabeça princesa, o boquete já acabo

que deus te elimine

vamo se abraça com a lingua

oi licença vc poderia me passar onde fez essa tatuagem de piranha na cara

to pior que a lady gaga na era artpop

acha bonito ser escrota

my heart say yes but my mom sayVAI LAVA A LOUÇA GAROTA

esse twitter hoje ta calmissimo, vamo causa minha gente

aqui vcs vão ver os dramas vividos pela kardashian perdida

tombei, mas gata cai em pé

não piso em quem ja ta no chão

more nao força

vai com calma que tu só tem um cu viado

toma aqui as vírgulas que eu não faço questão de usar ,,,,,,,, 

vc já caga pelo cu não precisa cagar pela boca

só entra heterofobik

pede mijoooo

mando nude com cachê

nao gerem burburinho que estragariam minha imagem, deixa que isso eu msm faço

hoje eu to pior que a lotus tour

honrando a vagabunda que sou

shokada em crysto

eu nao acredito que inventei a raiva em 2017

to aqui pra destilar meu veneno mortal

talvez voce so esteja aqui porque deve ser aquela poeira que eu finjo que nao vejo quando faço faxina

desnecessaria

acompanhe as desventuras cotidianas dessa blue ivy perdida

a + loka dos role

e aí @PastorMalafaia seu bosta

nois trupica mas nao breca

「en」

im such a sarcastic bitch

go ahead. do your worst.

they say i act like i dont give a fuck, i tell them im not acting

talents: sleeping

this semester isn’t done but i sure am 

i dont know whats emptier, my bank account or my love life 

if you eat enough pizza it tastes like love 

im 900% ready for summer vacation 

please don’t waste good pizza on bad people 

i just want to sleep forever because dealing with people is annoying as hell 

2010 me would literally be terrified of 2015 me and I love it 

why be moody when u can shake dat booty am i right ladies 

quick tip: fuck off 

i wish i had dora’s parents they let that bitch go everywhere

everyone is stupid except me

dont be a dick

if youre reading this send me nudes

i got 99 problems but I’m gonna take a nap and ignore them all 

I’m so cute why am I not dating anyone 

baby girl please don’t trust these fuckboys 

wear black and be gold.

you can tell a lot by listening to a girl’s favorite song 

who needs april’s fools when ur life is a joke

sarcasm is my only defense

i dont argue, i explain why im right

she a good girl, but you know she bad though

where are you now that i need a food????

all the cocaine in the world in your nose still on my bussiness

no hungry, no problem.

she can fuck you good, but i can fuck you bettA

you little shit

bitch i will kill you with my kawaii powers

just imagine how great life would be if pizza made u skinny 

i say idk a lot but trust me i be knowing

can u lose weight by running away from ur feelings 

dropping out of school to become a princess 

me and my mom gossip about u 

[hypemanminami-blog]

Mun meme

BASICS

Name/Nicks: Jen /Pingu Age: 23 Birthday: May 12th Country: Britain Fluent in: English (languages are NOT my strong point)

WRITING DETAILS

Preferred genres/tropes/AUs: romance/comedy/action, i’m genuinely a sucker for a good cute shippy thread, give me cute shippy things i’ll be ALL OVER THAT, also i’m an AU whore i could come up with AU’s until the end of time.  Disliked genres/tropes/AUs: i... dont like horror all that much honestly, i’m no good at it i mean, i could probably pull inspiration from my nightmares because those come with their own SOUNDTRACKS they’re that vivid but like... horror/gore and shit like that is just no go thank u. Preferred writing styles: Para, my replies usually MINIMUM around 300+ words, if i’m into a thread it can get upwards of 700+, can you fuckers believe I used to write in like, two line replies? With those little ** for *action* scenes? Like...??? Holy shit. 

Personal Icon preferences (Do you use them? Do you prefer certain sizes? Ect.): all of my icons are made by myself at 100x100 so tumblr cant fuck them up cause it WILL if you give it the chance to fuck them up. I always prefer to use icons but i don’t really mind my partners not doing? like sometimes if my partners not using them i’ll skip them but... most of the time i’ll use them.  Partners Icon preferences (Do you prefer your partners to have certain icon styles or not care?): MAAAAAAAAN, if you use icons, actually make sure people can see your icons. I’ve had partners with icons that were so heavily edited that I genuinely could not SEE some of the expressions in the icons, just the ‘graphics’ they were layered behind, LESS IS MORE, REMEMBER THAT.  Any other details about your writing preferences you want to include: i never expect anyone to match my length, that’d be unfair but THE SECOND YOU GIVE ME A 1 PARAGRAPH REPLY TO MY 7 PARAGRAPH REPLY, i will cut our thread, don’t overwhelm yourself but at least put some effort in i don’t give a FUCK how long it takes (I've waited 5 years for a reply, FIVE YEARS) 

GET TO KNOW ME

What fandoms do you consider yourself a part of, even outside of this blog?: One Piece (i’m not an active member anymore but my first RP blog was Trafalgar Law and I Admin the main UK one piece cosplay group), Owari No Seraph (I’m still there, sort of) and Yuri on Ice, idk i tend to steer clear of ‘fandoms’ tbh, it’s mainly the RP communities that i stick to cause fandoms are toxic AS FUCK.  What fandoms are you entirely uninterested in?: anything Horror related, keep that shit AWAY FROM ME.  Favourite foods: Pastaaaaa Favourite drinks: Dr Pepper (i should probably stop drinking it though i drink so much)  Hobbies: Writing, archery, martial arts.  List ten things you want to do in the future: move the fuck out of this dumb ass house. What do you wish would change in the rp community?: I WISH I COULD CHANGE HOW PEOPLE DEAL WITH ANON HATE, like... it’s a toxic and vicious cycle that never ends because people ANSWER IT, then they make excuses for answering it like no, DON’T FUCKING ANSWER IT AND IT GOES AWAY I DON’T CARE HOW RIGHTEOUS YOU FEEL AFTERWARDS THEY ARE LAUGHING AT YOU FOR IT THEY’RE MOCKING YOU FOR IT, it’s USELESS, plus no-one gets angry at your expense, nobody starts posting defensive posts starting drama to feed the fun that original asshole anon is having, it just... goes away.  What are some of the things you love about the rp community?:I love when people ‘dash commentary’ on things they’re seeing other rpers do?? It makes you feel like you’re allowed to talk to people, it makes the dash feel friendly and welcoming like everyone just wants to talk to everyone else and have fun.  Anything else you’d like to add?: I may not be good at expressing it because people honestly confuse me and I never know when i’m saying the right thing or setting myself up to offend people but I love you all very much <3 

Feel free to reblog and edit with your information or copy and paste for your own use. Only share what you are comfortable sharing, do not share any details you think will bring your any personal risk or discomfort!