#no spoilers!!!!! i'll be back in 8 hours to see what i missed

[jensonsbuttons]

okay sorry i had a long ass day i do not have another 20 laps in me

[arduouslove]

Loving You isn't Hard to Learn 06

genres: hybrid, romance, found family, slow burn(ish) series rating: mature (mentions of/references to death and abuse. eventual smut) chapter warnings (may contain spoilers): mentions of death. accusations of drugging/roofie-ing. descriptions of injury to the face. the reader character cooks meat; if you don't eat meat, please think of it as them just cooking it for other people. relationship(s): ot7 x female reader

In the middle of what many would call nowhere, a sign glows bright yellow. Old, unmaintained, and on its last legs, the letter e flickers for a few seconds before going dark. H aven’s Door Motel, it now reads.

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The floor is cold when you wake up on it, though not as cold as it could be, so you must've been sleeping on the floor for at least a couple hours. As you sit up, you try to get on your knees, but find your legs tangled up in half of a throw blanket. You grumble, touching one hand to the side of your head, where you had to have laid directly on the floor rather than the throw pillow you can see pushed under the coffee table. Okay, you're definitely not telling Hoseok your head kind of hurts. He's already enough of a worrywart. Speaking of...

Looking up at the couch, you see Hoseok's sleeping face smushed against the cushion, his hair ruffled all over and his mouth slightly open. Upon closer inspection, a small wet spot of drool has grown on the couch cushion directly under his mouth. You grimace at that but quickly shake the split second of disgust away. It's just saliva; it'll wash out just fine.

You untangle yourself from the blanket, and when you stand up, you drape it over Hoseok's sleeping form as quietly as you can. Yawning, you head to the kitchen, first filling your kettle and turning it on, then moving to the other side of the counter and unplugging your phone from the wall. As the screen flicks on, you see a missed call from Lee Minhyuk from only a few minutes ago, and a text from him that followed soon after.

It seems I forgot to leave one last thing to you. I found it in our storage this morning. I'll be in my office all day if you'd like to come and pick it up. Otherwise, please let me know by phone call.

As professional as always, this guy. Glancing over at the microwave, you take note that it's only 8:56AM, which isn't that early for someone like him, but still. Lee Minhyuk is punctual, you'll give him that. Well, you suppose if you head out soon, you could get back before ten, depending on what it is Minhyuk forgot to give you. Some paperwork, maybe. He did say before that Mr. Jung had liquidated everything he owned other than the motel... You wonder what it could be.

Not wanting to wake your two house guests up, you stop the kettle before it can beep to signal that it's boiled and pour the hot water over a tea bag in a to-go mug to let it steep while you get changed. You sneak on tip-toes back to your room, and you move your hand as deftly as possible on your bedroom doorknob, focusing on your feet as you step in and close the door behind you. Bee-lining to your dresser, you tug off your pyjamas and pull on some fresh clothes as quietly as you can.

But when you turn around, Jimin is sitting up in your bed and looking at you with a frown.

"Oh my gosh!" You jump and pat a hand over your heart, taking a sharp breath in at the sudden sight of him. He barely reacts, just raising one of his eyebrows at you, his bottom half still snug under the comforter. "How long were you just sitting there?"

Eyes still half closed, Jimin says, "Long enough."

"Oh. Well..." Embarrassment trickles along your veins knowing he watched you trying to quietly sneak in. He looks too tired and uninterested to care about the fact that you changed right in front of him, though. There goes your confidence in your own sex appeal. "...Did you sleep okay?"

"It was fine." His words come out short and curt, and you can't quite pinpoint why, but you get a weird feeling as you try not to narrow your eyes. He flips the covers off himself and swings his legs over the edge of the bed, using his hands at his sides to push himself off and stand. His eyes dart around your room. "Where are my clothes?"

You blink. "Oh. They're in a hamper in the bathroom. I was planning on putting them through the wash and then making something to eat." Of course, stopping by Lee Minhyuk's office threw a tiny wrench in those plans, but still, you weren't expecting this from Jimin as soon as he woke up. Whatever this is.

Just as he tries to exit your bedroom, you move to stand between him and the door, your hand held up. Jimin stops himself before either of you touch, and he frowns slightly when you go, "Whoa, hold on. What's the hurry?"

"I have to go back."

"Go back?" you echo, confusion tinged in your voice, but Jimin doesn't bother. He gently puts a hand on your wrist and moves you out of the way, which you let him do all too easily in your stupor. Go back? To the streets? Blinking and shaking yourself out of it, you turn to follow him into the bathroom, where you watch him find his dirty clothes at the top of the pile in the hamper. "What do you mean?"

Jimin doesn't look at you as he focuses on unbuttoning his pyjama top. "She's looking for me."

Sputtering, you completely miss the fact that Jimin is taking off his clothes right in front of you. "Rayoung?"

Even though he doesn't answer you, the determined look in his eyes tells you you're right. He slips on his old clothes and pushes past you again.

"She is?" You struggle to follow both him and his words, stepping into the main living space after him. "How do you know--"

Jimin whips around, and you almost bump into him, but your feet screech to a halt directly in front of him. He glares at you with those piercing brown eyes. "She loves me," he says.

Your mouth opens and closes like those dogs in kids movies they'd feed peanut butter to so it'd look like they were talking. You can't say what you think, no, that would be too harsh. You can't just say outright that someone who loves him wouldn't leave him to live miserably like he did. But, what can you say? You don't want him to go back to where he was, even if what he thinks of Rayoung is true... not when you have something within likeness of a solution so close to falling in your grasp. You were planning on going to the motel this evening with Hoseok -- and, ideally, Jimin -- to scope out the building better and finally figure out what the hell you're doing.

"Jimin..." You hold yourself back from reaching out to him, knowing that your touch might be the last thing he wants. "At least eat something..."

"I'm not hungry," he tells you, and with the conviction he puts behind the words, you almost believe him.

"C'mon, at least a bite--"

"No!"

Jimin's sudden volume startles you, and your eyes go wide as he pushes both hands against you, causing you both to stumble back a step. You stare at your feet for half a second before looking back up at him, a breath of a laugh tainted with disbelief puffing past your lips. "What--"

"Don't come any closer!" He wraps his arms around his chest and scrunches his eyes shut. "I don't know what was in that fucking tea, but you can't keep me here." His back turns to you. "Rayoung was right. I can't trust anyone."

Completely thrown off, you straighten up slowly, his words settling in your brain. "...Excuse me?"

Jimin says no more, simply standing there in the foyer with his back turned, shielding himself from... you.

Roused from his deep slumber, Hoseok appears next to you. His hair is tousled and pressed flat against the side of his head that he slept on, but the sight isn't as endearing as it would be if you weren't so baffled by what Jimin just said. Taking one step in front of you, Hoseok puts a hand on your arm before you've even realized you went to get closer to Jimin, one hand up and pointed at him.

"You--" Hoseok's firm grip on your arm stops you from getting far, and as he pulls you partway behind him and your shoulder bumps into his back, you lower your voice to a whisper. "You think I drugged you?"

With his head down low, Jimin still refuses to respond. His entire body trembles, fear coursing through him like rapids under his skin. Even you can see it.

But something fogs over your rationality.

"Are you serious right now? I didn't-- I would never--" You try to take a deep breath, but it gets stuck in your throat and only serves to fuel this ugly feeling inside your chest. "You're delusional."

Hoseok hushes out your name, a warning of sorts, or maybe something closer to a plea. You don't hear it past the ringing in your ears.

"And it's not because of anything in my fucking tea," you continue. "No, you know why you're delusional?"

Hesitantly, Jimin turns around half-way, his frowning profile causing that awful roiling in you to flare up.

"Because even though you've been living on the streets for months, starved enough to root through restaurant trash bins, abandoned by the very person who supposedly loves you--" Something flashes across Jimin's eyes, but you have no grasp of what it is. "--you still think she's coming back for you."

No one says anything for a second -- too long, and Hoseok's hand slides down your arm and gently wraps around your wrist. You tug it out of his grasp with a sharp inhale. "So let's just go," you say, walking to where you keep your car keys. The jingle-jangle as you pick up your keys is the only sound in the apartment aside from your footsteps. "I'll take you right now. Near Antonio's, right? She left you around there and that's where you think she'll go looking for you?"

Hoseok softly calls your name again, but you don't hear him. Jimin only follows you with angry eyes.

"I was on my way out anyway," you continue. With your hand already on the doorknob, you slip on your shoes. "So yeah, I have no problem with dropping you off on your own with nowhere to go." You pull the door towards you and step out, eyes still on your feet. "Where you have no sure way of getting food."

Jimin doesn't look at you as he puts on his shoes.

"Where Hybrid Services already know your face--"

Your words choke to a stop when you look down the hall towards the elevators. That damned fluorescent yellow armband you had no business caring about a couple days ago -- two of them -- appear in your sight just a few metres away, directly in front of the apartment-next-door's open entrance, where your neighbour to the right, Anne-Marie, is talking to the two officers.

Without uttering another sound, you push Jimin back inside your apartment as quickly and overtly as you can. Unfortunately, this means you achieve that by shoving your hand in Jimin's face, but your head isn't exactly in the right place to think about hiding-someone-away etiquette.

"Wha--?! Stop--!"

"Shh!" You make frantic eye contact with Hoseok while Jimin glares daggers at you. At this point, you know you can't just go back inside yourself; both the officers and your neighbour have probably seen you already. You keep your voice as quiet as you can, hoping the boys can still hear you with their weird hybrid powers. "Both of you, not a peep. Got it?"

You don't wait for either of them to answer before you grab the doorknob and swing the door shut in their faces. As soon as you look back down the hall, both officers, a man and a woman, and Anne-Marie are looking at you.

"Good morning," you greet with a slight bow, completely unsure of what to do or say next.

Would asking some sort of question be suspicious? Or would trying to walk by and ignoring them be even worse?

Either way, you have to get to the elevator...

Before you have to decide, (or maybe after you already should've, considering the awkward silence,) Anne-Marie waves you over with a slight frown. "Leaving so early today?"

"Ah..." You nod at her with a strained smile as you walk up to her and the officers, making sure to smile and nod at them too in that weird, you're not really part of this conversation but you're standing here so I'll try to include you sort of way. "Yes, I have some errands to run this morning."

Anne-Marie doesn't question you, thank goodness, and just gestures towards the officers. "Well you should hear them out before you go," she says. "Apparently there's a feral hybrid on the loose."

"Feral hybrid?"

You don't have to fake the initial look of concern that appears on your face, but the way you deepen your frown at the flyer one of the officers hands you is definitely for show.

"Yes," he confirms, face stiff and almost bored from repeating the words so many times to all the residents in the building already. "He ran away from a hybrid clinic in the city and was last spotted in this neighbourhood."

Anne-Marie nods along as he speaks and shakes her head when he points out the area the hybrid was spotted last night on a small map included in the flyer. "So close to home..." she mutters, which he ignores.

Continuing after him, the female officer speaks up. "We're doing rounds to make sure everyone living in the area is aware of the risks of a feral hybrid, as well as inform everyone of the proper procedure."

"Which is...?"

"Do not approach," the man tells you as your eyes finally focus in on the two pictures of the feral hybrid, one from the front and another of his profile. In both photos, he's smiling, eyes bright. "It's dangerous for regular citizens to attempt to capture feral hybrids. Leave it to the professionals and call Hybrid Services upon encounter."

He doesn't look so dangerous.

His smile is wide and almost boyish, like someone told him he was posing for a photo op rather than the strange hybrid-version of a mug shot it actually is. He holds up his name placard like it's an award he's proud of. "V," it reads, then a bunch of numbers underneath. His animal ears are perked straight up, and you can't tell what kind of ears they are in the grainy black-and-white pictures, not to mention how small they look compared to Hoseok's. Still, the deepness of his smile, the happiness in his eyes and the scrunch of his nose -- you're not scared at all.

You don't say any of that, though.

"I'll keep an eye out, thank you," you say with a polite smile. "What kind of hybrid is he?"

The two share a look, the female officer grimacing before she turns back to you. "That's unfortunately classified information."

"What? Why? Wouldn't it help us be safer and more prepared if we know what he looks like?" You turn to make eye contact with Anne-Marie, who drinks in your words and nods with a slight frown towards the officers, a finger propped concernedly on her chin.

The man sighs. "As much as I agree with you, these pictures are the only images any of us have to go off of. Even Hybrid Services hasn't been informed of his sub-species. It's private information belonging to the clinic, and legally, we don't need to have it to apprehend the hybrid."

"I see..."

After thanking them again and giving your due goodbyes, you do your best not to turn around and watch the officers as you wait for the elevator. You step into the elevator, and as your finger finds the button for the ground floor, you peak down the hall and let out a breath of relief. The officers seem to have skipped your door because you already spoke to them.

It would probably be suspicious to re-enter your apartment so soon while they're still patrolling your floor, you think. The last thing you need right now is Hybrid Services finding a reason to look into you.

And, maybe, you need a minute to yourself. Just to breathe.

You hadn't meant to snap at Jimin like that, it just... So much doesn't make sense to you. You've barely had Hoseok around for a few days, but you feel as though your friendship is something already. Maybe not something to be proud of, exactly, but it's something.

Jimin... you've known him for even less time, if you could even call that "knowing" him at all. And yet, you felt this strange surge of protectiveness over him.

You really hope that isn't part of the saviour thing Hoseok spoke of before...

Sighing into the empty elevator, you try not to think about the fact that it probably is, and instead focus on what is right in front of you. Your car keys are still in your hand, the shape imprinted into your palm from how hard your nerves had made you grip them between your fingers while you talked to the officers.

You take the coward's route and run away.

Lee Minhyuk's office building isn't that far in terms of distance, but the traffic around it is pure hell. It gives you much too much time alone with only your thoughts. You try to drown them out with whatever is on the radio, but even that can't seem to calm the disquiet within you. The more you think about the things you said, the more regret builds in your gut. What right did you have to say those things to Jimin? Sure, you think it's a fool's dream to believe this Rayoung girl is out there searching for him, but to purposefully shut him down like that? To crush that dream just because you got offended by emotions he was completely valid in feeling? Just because he's been scarred by humans before and you happen to be one? It's not his fault that he thought you might've drugged him, it's a product of--

"Ah, you're here."

Blinking, you realize that your body went on autopilot and walked you up to Lee Minhyuk's office without you knowing, and you watch his back as he goes to sit at his desk.

"Yeah I... got your text," you say dazedly, unsure of anything else you could possibly say in the moment.

"Well, it's good that you came. I wouldn't want you to go without this." Minhyuk holds his hand out, and you step closer to his desk to let him drop whatever the thing he forgot is in your awaiting palm.

A single key stares up at you, attached by a small ring to a simple metal tag.

Silver Meadows Columbarium, it reads.

"Oh."

Moving the key to your fingers, you flip over the tag and read lot C 258 on the back. You'd never heard of Silver Meadows Columbarium before. Never needed to...

"I believe Mr Jung set up his..." Minhyuk pauses as he mulls over his word choice. "...accommodations before he passed."

You can't help but ask, "Just him? No family, or...?"

Your words trail off, both of you knowing that Mr Jung left you as his sole beneficiary. If he had family, he didn't leave them anything. Not even the location of his remains.

Minhyuk shakes his head, and you frown.

"He prepared for his own death all by himself?"

Your concern is met with a small, understanding smile on Minhyuk's face. "Well, he may have done the paperwork himself, but he wasn't alone. He had you."

"But I--" You hardly knew Mr Jung.

"He brought you up more than once," Minhyuk says, making you close your mouth and blink stupidly at him. At your silence, he continues. "He came to my office a few times to sign the papers and whatnot, and he mentioned you every time. Always said you're the only one who laughs at his jokes."

"They're funny!"

Your own response jars you a bit. The last time you said that, you thought Mr Jung was alive.

Minhyuk only smiles again, softly. "He was happy you thought so."

"Did he say that?"

"Not in so many words, but I it wasn't hard to tell. Don't get too caught up in the fact that Jung didn't have blood relatives he wanted to include in his will. Evidently--" He gestures to you. "--he had a family of sorts."

Except that you weren't it. You couldn't be, right?

A seedling plants itself in the forefront of your mind.

A seedling named Hoseok.

That's must be it -- Mr Jung wanted to leave his estate to Hoseok, but couldn't figure out how to, legally. Hybrids probably can't even have bank accounts, much less accept inheritance, which is why Mr Jung defaulted to you. He trusted you to help Hoseok start up Heaven's Door as the legal owner of the land it's built on.

In his letter, he'd said it's that it's you, whatever that means.

You look down at the key in your hand, taking a deep breath in. It might not be the key to Heaven's Door Motel, but you clutch it in your fingers, and as you step out of Lee Minhyuk's office, you make a silent promise to Mr Jung.

You'll get Heaven's Door up and running.

And you'll do a damn good job of it too.

=

When you return to your apartment, you have a brown paper bag of fresh pastries in your hand and a heavy something in your chest. You tried to figure out what you want to say to the two hybrids in your place on your way home, but it's hard. You feel like all you keep doing is messing up. Now, you even ran off without a word after seeing the Hybrid Services officers, which had to have freaked Hoseok out.

You grimace as you twist the doorknob. Less than an hour ago, you'd resolved yourself to running Heaven's Door with everything you've got, but are you really the right person for the job?

When you enter, you go to call out for Hoseok, but you freeze with your mouth partially open. The guys stand ramrod straight in front of you, Hoseok with a slight smile and Jimin with a hesitant clench of his jaw, arms crossed. You gape at them for a couple seconds until Hoseok frowns at Jimin and jabs his elbow into his side.

"Ow! What the--"

"Don't you have something to say?" Hoseok prompts through his teeth, a harsh grit to the question.

Jimin huffs, his arms shifting in front of his chest, hands holding his own arms a little tighter. He meets your eyes. "I'm--"

"Wait." You hold up a hand to stop him, not missing the confusion that flashes across Hoseok's face. Something like panic reflects in Jimin's eyes when he sneaks a glance at Hoseok, but you don't acknowledge it. "Let's talk." With the hand still holding the paper bag, you gesture towards the couch. "Have a seat. Both of you."

Jimin doesn't move until Hoseok does, following silently while Hoseok watches you out of the corner of his eye as he sits down.

You set the pastries on the kitchen table before making your way to them, stopping in front of the couch and chewing over your thoughts. Jimin regards you with a half-frown, brows knitted in apparent distrust. You can't really blame him.

If your ears were better, you might've heard the slight gasp Hoseok let out when you dropped to your knees, bent down, and pressed your forehead to your hands, which are now flat on the floor. You bow in front of them, let out a breath, and raise your head once you gather your thoughts, putting your hands respectfully on your lap. "I'm sorry," you say. "I fucked up."

Hoseok's ears twitch, dipping, and he scoots forward on the cushion, about to say something, but you don't let him.

"Jimin, I want to apologize for this morning. I had no right to react the way I did." You look at Jimin, but you can't read his face. "It's not your fault if humans have hurt you enough to make you think we're all the same. People can be... horrible. I wish things were different, but... I want you to know that I will never intentionally hurt you--" Your eyes meet Hoseok's. "--either of you. I'm not going to punish you. I'm not going to force or coerce you into anything you don't want to do. I don't want to be the kind of human you're afraid of."

Hoseok shakes his head. "I'm not afraid--"

"I can't promise I won't fuck up again," you say, wincing as you realize you've spoken over him, but when he doesn't speak up again, you continue. "I honestly feel like a walking disaster with how many times I've fucked up, and it's only been a couple days. Sometimes I speak before I think, and I really need to work on that. I'm sorry."

You don't know when you started staring into your lap, but you let out a long breath, and only after that do you slowly look up at the two hybrids. They both wear blank expressions, and it makes you want to shrink back in on yourself. "I just--"

"I lied," Jimin blurts out, and you face him, eyes slightly widening.

"...Lied? About what?"

Sighing, Jimin casts a glance at Hoseok, who nods determinedly. He fidgets with his hands, looking at them rather than meeting your eyes. "I guess, technically, Rayoung isn't looking for me right now," he mumbles. "But she will. As soon as she breaks up with her stupid tool boyfriend."

"Oh." You blink at Jimin. "Well, um... You're welcome to stay with us. Until then, I mean."

Jimin's lips form into a contemplative pout, but he says nothing.

You scratch the back of your neck. Is there a good way to approach this? "We could, um... let her know somehow? That you're with us."

You eye Hoseok, who's hopefully in the same boat for you to be saying we. He wasn't exactly Jimin's biggest fan last night, weird possessiveness over pyjama sets aside. Now, though, you see that even he can tell this Rayoung girl is bad news. Still, Jimin's ties to her seem to run deep, and you know it's nowhere near simple to tell someone a person they love isn't as great as they thought.

Jimin takes a deep breath in, his shoulders scrunching up as his body tenses and relaxes. "Can I... think about it?"

"Of course!" You perk up at the idea of him even considering your offer after the way you snapped this morning, and you point at the brown paper bag on the table. "Do you want to have breakfast while you think?"

While Jimin marks a straight line to the kitchen, Hoseok holds his hand out for you before you even move to get up. You take it, and he uses his other hand to gently grasp your elbow and lift you onto your feet. He doesn't let go right away, instead holding both your hands and whispering, "You shouldn't have gone out alone." He rubs his thumbs over your knuckles. "You're still concussed."

The proximity combined with his concern for you causes heat to stir in your chest. It's uncomfortable and foreign, so you try to force it down, smiling and letting out a chuckle that screams casual. You hope. "I can hold my own. Besides, I think I'm all better; right as rain up here." You pull one of your hands out of his tender hold and curl it into a fist, knocking on your cranium like a door. Except, the impact makes your brain swish around in your skull like gargled fluoride. "Whoa-- shit."

You sway, tipping the direction you knocked your own head into. Hoseok keeps you standing, but he doesn't like it. "You just proved my point."

"Listen--"

"From now on, no going off on your own," he says, and from his tone, there's no point in a rebuttal.

You roll your eyes, and, whoa, does the room always spin when you do that? Still, even wooziness can't stopper your sarcasm. "Protective much?"

"Kind of my job description."

"I thought I was your bodyguard," you tease, and he chuckles, his seriousness evaporating with the sound.

"As if--"

"You're dumb."

You and Hoseok both turn towards the kitchen, where Jimin stands next to the table with a half eaten pastry in his mouth. Ignoring the glare he's under from Hoseok, which you don't notice, he speaks around the pastry. "Only a dumb person would go out on their own in your condition."

Even though you're pretty sure he should be on the same side as Jimin on this, Hoseok sneers at him, the slightest of growls rumbling in his throat.

Jimin holds up a hand, mockingly. "Easy, pup."

"I'm older than you, punk!"

You can't help it; you laugh. Jimin is all over the place, accusing you of atrocities one second and talking to you and Hoseok like you're long-time friends the next. The two hybrids cease their bickering at the sound of your laughter.

"Okay, okay." You take a breath to stop the giggles threatening to break past your lips. "New temporary house rule: no one should go off on their own unless they have to."

Jimin raises a brow. "No one?"

"Ideally." You nod. "Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk about. When the Hybrid Services officers were here before, they were telling everyone there's a feral hybrid in the area. The entire neighbourhood is going to be on alert-- I don't know how kindly they'll take to finding any unregistered or, uh, stray hybrids if they run into either of you alone."

Nodding along, Hoseok rubs his chin with his thumb. "Makes sense."

"They know what the hybrid looks like, but we don't know how much they actually care about the picture. Who knows if they'd just nab any male hybrid off the street," you say. "It's probably best to play it safe; at least while we're still in the neighbourhood."

"What do you mean, 'still in the neighbourhood'?" Jimin asks, curious.

You smack your own forehead and ignore the way Hoseok immediately brings his hands up like you're going to knock yourself over any second now. "Right, uh... We're kind of..." Bringing up a hand, you gesture between yourself and Hoseok. "...prospective business owners? Is that--? No, we're, uh...starting up a motel? But, like, for hybrids?"

Hoseok is decidedly unhelpful with explaining what Heaven's Door is meant to be, staying silent and just making a face as you botch it.

"Anyway, it might be safer if we head out there sooner rather than later if the neighbourhood is getting paranoid over stray hybrids. It's outside of the city, and Hybrid Services doesn't do patrols out there. I was thinking to move once I'd figured more shit out, but I didn't think the whole 'feral hybrid' thing would happen today, and I definitely didn't foresee meeting you." Not that anything that's happened to you in the last few days could've been foreseen, either. You smile at Jimin. "But hey, at least you were a pleasant surprise."

"Didn't I threaten to kill you?."

You shrug. "I'm still here, aren't I?"

"And your guard dog attacked me."

"After you attacked her!" Hoseok argues.

Clicking his tongue, Jimin gives his head a nod. "Point taken."

"Anyhow," you continue on. "While you think about what you wanna do, I'd like you to come with us. Of course, you're free to refuse. I still have two-ish weeks of rent paid for this place, so you could stay here, but..." You share a look with Hoseok, then return your eyes to Jimin.

"...I'd be alone?" he finishes for you.

"I guess I'd just feel better if you're with us."

Jimin seems to absorb your words, but he stays silent for a few seconds. He tosses the last bite of the pastry into his mouth, chewing quietly and brushing his hands together to get rid of the leftover crumbs. He takes a breath. "I guess I sort of owe you for the food and the bed I slept in last night... The least I can do is make you feel better."

Your cheeks make way for a beaming smile.

"Just while I think about it."

You school yourself. "Right! Right," you say, clearing your throat of any enthusiasm that might've gotten clogged in there. "Just while you're thinking about it. Nothing's set in stone."

=

Either Hoseok calls shotgun outside of your hearing range, or Jimin silently sits in the backseat of your car out of some unfounded sense of regularity. He doesn't speak a word as you drive, just watches the world pass by through the side window. You can't really see him in the rear view mirror, and most of your focus is on the road, but there are a few moments where you catch his fingers scratching at his arms before he flexes his hands and stops. You're reminded of the red, bumpy skin you saw on his arms. Now, it's covered by his shirt and jacket, both of which you convinced him to let you wash before you all left your apartment.

"I don't think this is the right way..." Hoseok says, squinting at the street signs as you drive out of the inner city.

"Yeah, uh." You'd looked up the address to Silver Meadows before you left, and it's practically on the other side of the city as Heaven's Door. "There's somewhere I wanted to go first. You know how I left this morning?"

Hoseok nods.

"Well, it wasn't just to throw a tantrum, if that's what you were thinking."

"I thought maybe you were trying to get those Hybrid Services officers to think you were going somewhere, so they'd think no one was in your apartment," Hoseok says, making your eyebrows rise on your forehead.

"Wow, you're pretty intuitive, aren't you?" Your eyes dart to the backseat, but you can't see Jimin's face since he's sitting right behind you. "Were you guys able to hear that whole conversation in the hallway?"

Jimin scoffs, something sarcastic in the simple sound, while Hoseok nods again. "It's weird how even they don't know the species of the feral hybrid," he says. "Without that information, they'd go after any stray hybrid they encounter -- not that they weren't doing that already."

"But they might treat any stray like they're feral and dangerous," you finish the thought process for him, and when you meet his eyes, he sports a grim expression. You roll your shoulders back, sighing. "It's a good enough reason to stay on our toes, but hopefully we won't run into any trouble outside of my neighbourhood..."

And, hopefully, the feral hybrid doesn't get found by anyone less than civil. The cheerful face of that hybrid flashes across your mind, and you wonder about his circumstances. What makes a hybrid go feral, anyway? What made him run away from the hybrid clinic? How much of the information the officers gave you is a stretching of the truth?

"So where did you go?" Hoseok asks when you make another unfamiliar turn.

"Lee Minhyuk texted me -- he was Mr Jung's estate lawyer." You add that in to give Jimin some context, but you're not sure if he's even listening. "He forgot to give me the key for Mr Jung's niche."

Hoseok's brows furrow as he echoes you. "Niche?"

"It's what they call the individual sections in a columbarium," you explain, not too informed yourself, but you know enough. You take Hoseok's silence as him not filling the gaps quite yet. "Mr Jung's urn is being kept in one. Lot C, niche 258, at Silver Meadows Columbarium."

"Oh." Hoseok doesn't exactly slump in his seat, but you see the way his shoulders sag just the slightest. "He was cremated?"

You nod, eyes still on the road. "Yeah... I hadn't thought about it much. I'd assumed his family was dealing with all the..." Breathing out a long exhale through your nose, you try to think of the right words. (And come up with nothing.) "...well, that kind of stuff. But apparently I'm the only one with the key."

"Mr Jung never talked about any family..." Hoseok mumbles.

A road sign ahead reads Silver Meadows, and you slow down to turn into the lot.

"You're not bringing flowers?"

You turn your head at Jimin's sudden question, surprised since he was quiet the whole drive. He meets your eyes.

"You're visiting a grave, and you didn't bring flowers?" he asks, arms crossed.

"Oh." You look downward. "I hadn't thought about that..."

Jimin doesn't say anything, and you've run out of words yourself. Does it make sense to go back to buy some? You think about Mr Jung, and far above wanting to go get flowers for him now, you wish you could've brought him one back then. When he could see it.

You find a parking spot and switch off the engine.

"It's okay," Hoseok says before any of you exit the car. He's not looking at you, though. "We can bring flowers next time."

You watch him step out of the car, and as he does, he pulls his collar out of his pocket and fastens it around his neck, clasping the metal ends together before he shuts the car door behind him. Before you'd left the apartment, you told him to bring it, but you forgot about it during the drive.

"Oh, right. Jimin." You twist in your seat and reach into your bag, finding the red velvet choker you'd stuffed in there earlier. You've never really worn it since someone gave it to you however long ago, and you just hastily grabbed it from your room before you all left the apartment. You hold it out for him. "Wear this for now. It's not technically a collar, but... no one will be looking too closely. I hope."

Jimin frowns, but he takes the choker. "Can't I just stay in the car?"

You don't want to pressure him, but you can't help the grimace that crosses your face. "I feel safer together..."

"Fine," he huffs, bringing his hands up to fasten the choker. "You're lucky this is cute."

By the time you both catch up to Hoseok, he's already found the directions to lot C. He walks silently, and when he finds niche 258, you and Jimin hang a bit back, giving him a moment.

This section of the columbarium is indoors, and the walls and niches seem to be white marble, or made to look like white marble. Whichever it is, it feels a bit... cold.

Mr Jung's niche is empty, save for the black urn inside. Jimin was probably right -- some flowers would at least bring some life to the space.

Hoseok stands in front of the niche, which is embedded in the wall at around the height of his chest. His arms hang limp at his sides. You step up beside him, and you take his hand, gently, bringing it up so you can push the key into his palm.

"I think he meant to give this to you." And everything else, you want to say, but you hold your tongue. That's a lot to put on someone all at once.

You would know.

Hoseok holds his hand in front of him, staring at the key. He looks up at you and meets your eyes with his watery ones. "You think so?"

"Of course I do." You put a hand on Hoseok's shoulder, your thumb rubbing back and forth over his coat. "You said Mr Jung never talked about any family, right? That's because you were his family."

Sniffling, Hoseok bites his bottom lip to stop it from trembling as he breaks eye contact and returns to looking at Mr Jung's niche. "I... I wish he wasn't this far away. He made it so much harder to visit."

"Hey..." Gently, you use your hand on his shoulder to turn Hoseok toward you, then put both your hands on his arms and give him a reassuring squeeze. A tear threatens to roll down his cheek, but you reach up at thumb it away. "I know you probably knew Mr Jung better than I did, but... something in me thinks he'd want to say..." You turn your head to look at the niche, smile, and shake your head. "He's not in there." Bringing a hand up, you softly poke the pad of your pointer finger between Hoseok's eyebrows. "He's in here." You move to his chest and poke at where his heart should be. "And here." Finally, you take both his hands, a bit awkward with the one still holding the key, and hold them between you. "And that's what matters, right?"

Hoseok nods, but his face crumples up, and he tucks it into your neck. You wrap your arms around him just as his embrace you tight. Over his shoulder, you glance at Jimin, who quickly looks away, but you know he was watching. He stuffs his hands in his pockets, suddenly very interested in his worn out shoes.

"But we can still visit, right?" Hoseok mumbles into your skin, bringing your attention back to him.

"Of course. And next time, we'll bring flowers."

=

As you slide into one of the parking spots in front of Heaven's Door, it occurs to you that this is the first time you're seeing it in the daylight. All of its mediocre glory. The outer walls are a faded yellow, with supporting pillars and railings on the second floor landing which were once white. The doors to the individual rooms are a nice dark green that matches the roofing, but you have to admit they've seen better days. Still, you can feel the potential the old building blooms in your chest.

"Not too bad, hey?" you say to Jimin, who's leaning forward between the driver and passenger seats to peer out the windshield at the place.

He sniffs. "It's no Plaza Hotel."

"You've been?"

"No, I've seen Home Alone 2."

Chuckling, you pull your car key out of the ignition and exit the car. You put your hands on your hips, inhaling a big, exaggerated breath as you take in the motel. Hoseok walks over and stands next to you, arms crossed.

"Well," you say. "It might be a bit of a fixer-upper, but that's nothing a couple of fixer-uppers like us can't handle, right?" You bump your shoulder into Hoseok, who smiles at you and bumps back with his hip. You stumble a bit, but Jimin's hand on your back stops you from swaying too hard. When you take your eyes off your feet, he meets your eyes with a plain expression.

"You guys are disgustingly optimistic."

A hand on his shoulder, you grin. "You just named one of my best traits!"

=

The move into Heaven's Door is by no means smooth, but you can't say it's not something you expected.

The first thing you notice is the broken window in the convenience store under the motel lobby, which you'd missed that first night in the dark. Hoseok sheepishly admits that he'd had to break in to eat the snack food inside. You don't push it -- that void of time between losing Mr Jung and meeting you isn't a topic you think is worth diving into if it's going to bring Hoseok back to that time. The window won't be cheap, but if you don't put a custom decal on it like the shattered one on the ground, it might not be as expensive.

Secondly, Hoseok leads you and Jimin to the master room you remember Mr Jung mentioning in his letter, and you realize you'd only seen the motel from one side. Behind the lobby, which has a lot of that same forest green as the doors outside, Hoseok shows you the half of the building you had no idea about before. An entire branch extends behind the lobby, about the same length as the front, but instead of the entrances to each room facing outside like the ones you saw before, there are doors mirroring each other on both sides of a hallway. Immediately to the right is the master room, but at the end of the hallway seems to be a common area with couches and coffee tables, and two walls lined with a counter and cabinets. Hoseok tells you it's the same downstairs, except the end of the hall is a kitchen and dining area. It reminds you of a college dorm.

If anyone stayed in the rooms you saw out front, you don't think they'd even notice this half of the building.

The master room is smaller than your apartment, but it has its own half-kitchen and en suite bathroom with a pretty nice shower. Hoseok explains to you that most of Mr Jung's time and focus went into building and upgrading the interior of Heaven's Door, which is why it has its less than shiny exterior.

You can tell Hoseok was staying in the master room up until you... kidnapped(?) him.

"This is probably the nicest room in the motel, huh?" Jimin posits, walking inside with his hands in his pants pockets. He's wearing the clothes he met you in, now washed but no less worn down.

You nod. "Probably. We're a bit far from the city, so it would make sense for the owner to just live here."

"Dibs." Jimin flops down face first into the bed.

Hoseok crosses his arms. "Yah."

As you fail to hide your laughter behind your hand, Jimin squirms in the bed, twisting himself so he lies on his back. He stretches his arms and legs out like a sea star. "Smells too much like dog here, though."

While Hoseok sneers, you say, "Probably because this is Hoseok's room. You and I can take the rooms next door and across the hall."

"Why would I wanna be next door to you?" Jimin closes his eyes and interlocks is fingers behind his head, fully relaxing into the bed.

You let out an affronted scoff. Your hand goes up to your chest, right over your heart even though Jimin can't see it. "Um, my amazing company and charming personality?"

"Pass."

As you and Jimin go through this back-and-forth, you miss the way Hoseok's face fell when you said you'd be in a different room. His disheartened expression goes unnoticed, and when you stand up, proclaiming there's a lot of work to be done, he smiles at you with all the sunshine he can muster.

You're none the wiser.

=

Aside from the horrors (the mere idea of business management, the building maintenance, the absolute atrocity that is dealing with plumbing, the phone calls, etc, etc,) at least it's fun to print keys. Hoseok apparently never figured the system out because Mr Jung took care of getting it installed, but half an hour on the computer, and you manage to print a key for both yourself and Jimin. He chooses the room across from the master, while you're right next to it.

Hoseok insists on him and Jimin carrying all the food you'd brought inside, but to appease your need to take part, he lets you carry one item for each trip from your car to the common kitchen area. (You find this a little patronizing, but it is admittedly nice to be doted on by them both, even if Jimin's still pretending he doesn't care.)

((He takes a bag you were reaching for, despite already having both his hands full.))

Much of your things are still back at your apartment, but you have time to bring them over. The first day is mostly about getting Hoseok and Jimin out of dodge -- you can worry about your own problems later. You spend the afternoon sitting in the lobby, poring over the paperwork left there and googling motel business 4 dummies like your life depends on it. Hoseok, who'd been cleaning up his room and taking care of the broken glass outside (and inside, unfortunately) the convenience store, forces you to take a break in the form of helping him make dinner.

During dinner, unprompted, Jimin tells you he's still thinking.

It hasn't slipped by you, of course, that Jimin's stay with you is conditional and, lest you hope otherwise, temporary.

But when he says that, staring into his food rather than looking at you, a tiny smile makes it's way onto your face,

"Take all the time you need."

=

On the third night, you wake up to soft knocks on your door. You have no expectations because your brain is in the process of trying to dissect the dream you'd just been ripped out of, but seeing Hoseok on the other side of your door still isn't something you were prepared for. He's wearing the new, new pyjamas you'd bought for him in a sparse shopping trip you'd all gone on the second day, despite him saying he didn't care that much about Jimin wearing the other ones.

You go to say his name, but he just brings a finger up to his lips in a silent shush, and with his other hand, he gently takes your hand and leads you down the hall into the master room.

Nothing in your body wants to fight it, so you let him bring you right up to the bed. He practically pushes you onto it, but the way he pulls the warm comforter over you defies any ill intent. When he settles in on the other side of the bed, his breath puffs against your cheek. He hasn't really scented you since the day you met Jimin; you've been near each other almost constantly since, so there was really no reason to.

You remember him telling you it's about separation, but also not. He never did tell you more about it.

In your sleep-ridden haze, you shift to your side. Hoseok is on his side too, rather close, and his eyes are closed, but you know he can't have fallen asleep so fast. Gently, you bring a hand to the back of his head, careful, as always, not to touch his dingo ears. You pull him closer ever so slowly. If he resists at all, you'll let go.

Hoseok lets out a shaking breath. He wraps both arms around you and tugs you closer, his face pressing itself against your neck. Eyes still closed, he squeezes you close. It's warm.

That's right, you think.

He’s a strong little pup, but he hates being alone.

How did you manage to forget that?

=

If Jimin has anything to say about the fact that you've started to retire to the master room at the end of the day, he doesn't vocalize it. Hoseok never brings it up, either. He's hardly touchy during the daytime, keeping his hands to himself, especially in front of Jimin. Yet, when night comes, he pulls you to bed like he's done it his entire life and keeps his arms around you until you fall asleep and wake up to find him all tangled up in the sheets.

Jimin either hasn't noticed, or, as you suspect, he doesn't care.

He'll often say he's "still thinking about it". You're not quite sure how to respond to it every time, so now you just smile and nod, sometimes reminding him that the choice is still his.

One night, you find him in the common area, sitting on a couch and watching a muted cartoon on the tv you'd connected to your Netflix account the day before. The subtitles aren't even on, and when he turns at the sound of your footsteps, you see the red of his eyes, and the shining tracks on his cheeks.

There's still a lot you don't know about Jimin.

Rayoung. Her boyfriend. His red contacts and why he wore them.

"It's freezing in here," is all he says as he wipes his cheeks with his sleeve. "You should get the heating system checked."

You sit down next to him, neither of you looking at each other. "Feels normal to me."

The cartoon isn't one you recognize, but it looks like it could be fun if you knew what anyone was saying.

For a while, you and Jimin say nothing. He sits next to you, and you next to him. At some point, he shifts just the slightest bit closer so your shoulders brush against each other. That's as far as he goes for your body heat.

"Do you get cold easily?" you eventually whisper.

"Mhmm."

"Is that a snake thing?"

Jimin shakes his head, slowly, the late hour finally getting to him. "Some reptile hybrids are like that, some aren't. There aren't many of us, so people don't really know why. At least... that's what he told me."

He. You decide not to dig into that. Jimin will tell you if he wants to.

"Your scales... the skin around them seemed irritated."

"...Itchy..." Jimin's head falls to your shoulder. He doesn't snuggle in, but he rests there. "I had a cream for it..."

"We should buy some," you say.

"It's expensive... You shouldn't buy it if I'm going to leave soon..."

Though his words cause a muted ache in your heart, you don't stew on it. That was always the case.

"You can take it with you."

Jimin doesn't respond, asleep on your shoulder.

You're not sure how much time passes, but later, you hear light, shuffling footsteps behind you, and you turn your head towards the sound, careful not to jostle the slumbering Jimin on your shoulder. Hoseok stands there, eyes half closed but on you nonetheless.

"You left," he mumbles, swaying slightly like he's struggling to stay both awake and upright.

You give him a small smile, lit only by the tv that's still playing that cartoon you don't know the name of. "I didn't go very far."

"Come back to bed?"

Gently, you lift a hand and gesture at Jimin. "Can we bring him back to his, first?"

=

When you're sent the invoice for the window repair, you realize (not for the first time) this won't be easy.

You didn't think it'd be a walk in the park, of course not, but you've never really had to worry about the cost of running a business before. Now, you look at the numbers, and you just can't wrap your head around how it'll all work. Mr Jung left you a considerable amount, yes, but... will it be enough? You can't imagine the motel is in any high level of traffic area for travellers. There are quite a few campsites around in the surrounding forest, but that's about it. How many customers would it take monthly to support the motel? How much has to or even can be sacrificed before any income is made?

You've already spent so much on keeping you, Hoseok, and Jimin alive and warm for the past week. It's normal, you suppose, but you've never supported two dependants before, and the fact that you're currently unemployed doesn't settle the heavy feeling in your chest at all. You're draining your savings while not making any money in the meantime.

A safe haven for hybrids...

...who can't pay rent.

Maybe Mr Jung was older and more senile than you thought.

You shake your head and rub your hands over your face, resting your elbows on the desk in front of you. First, you gotta apologize to Mr Jung for disrespecting the dead. You might be cynical, but he had a dream. A really good and nice dream. Secondly, you scold yourself for thinking what you did about hybrids. Of course they can't pay rent. They were born into a system that actively discourages their financial (and pretty much every other kind of) autonomy. They can't pay for anything because of humans.

Still, you don't know how long you can keep running Heaven's Door on your inheritance alone. You haven't even opened yet -- how much will it cost to run for a month? Three? A year?

"Do the numbers change if you sigh hard enough?"

You turn in your swivel chair to glare at Jimin, who's sitting in the chair next to you with one leg folded up to his chest, foot propped up on the seat. He doesn't return your gaze, enraptured by the match-three game he's playing on your phone, which he's been going at rather consistently for the past two days. You don't really have a job for him right now, and aside from the tv, he doesn't have much to take up his time. You'd offered to grab the contents of your bookshelf back at home for him, but he'd casually refused, telling you he'd take a look next time you make the trip, but not to go out of your way.

"Maybe they will," you taunt back, which goes just as ignored as your glare. "I better sigh harder to test it out."

You tilt your head, looking at your phone in his hand. "Should I get you guys phones...?" you ask, mostly to yourself.

Jimin's eyes glance up, and he finally acknowledges you. He doesn't need to say it. He does anyway.

"I'm still thinking."

Curling your lips in, you nod, turning back to the computer and hovering your hands over the mouse and keyboard even though you have no plans on what to do with them. "Right. Right..."

Thankfully, Hoseok chooses that awkward moment to walk into the lobby. "You should take a break," he says. "How is your head feeling?"

"It's fine, doc." You roll your eyes, smiling. "Just as fine as I said it was yesterday."

"Have you been taking your meds?"

You shake your head. "The doctor said they're for headaches. They're just painkillers -- the few times my head has hurt, the pain went away by the time I remembered I could take them."

Jimin lowers your phone and gives you a look you can't quite decipher. It's not positive; you know that at least. "You're still getting headaches?"

"Only itty-bitty ones," you try to placate them.

"How long has it been since you fell?"

You almost forgot you lied to Jimin about how you got your concussion. By the looks of Hoseok's guilty expression, though, you're not sure if you regret it. You don't want him to feel responsible, but talking about it -- whether or not Jimin knows -- still seems to remind him of what he did. Where you put the blame doesn't matter to him. He still thinks it's his fault.

"Uhh... a little over a week?" you answer, keeping a careful eye on Hoseok. "Maybe eight or nine days."

Jimin frowns. "That can't be good, right?"

"The doctor said to go back to the hospital if the symptoms last over two weeks." Concern laced in his features, Hoseok crosses his arms.

You nod along. "I'll put the date on my calendar, okay? I'm sure I'll be fine by then."

"You better not play it down when the time comes," Hoseok warns.

"Yes sir," you joke.

Hoseok takes in a sharp breath, shoulders scrunching up for half a second before he forces them to relax. A small huff of a laugh escapes Jimin's nose, and you look at him in confusion, but his eyes are on Hoseok, something playful and teasing in them. Jimin mouths something to Hoseok, which you can't read.

Hoseok grumbles and tightens the arms crossed in front of him. "Shut up."

"No fair," you whine. "You guys already have inside jokes?"

Jimin just laughs harder while Hoseok gives him a death glare and says, "It doesn't count as an inside joke if I don't find it funny."

"Don't worry," Jimin teases through a smirk. "I find it funny enough for the both of us!"

You can't help but smile at the ever-growing amity between the two hybrids, which is admittedly playful in the biting way, but it still makes you happy that they're somewhat getting along.

=

"We should celebrate," you tell the boys one day.

"Celebrate what?" Jimin questions, hands stuffed in his coat pocket and shoulders scrunched up to his ears.

You'd gone around the back of the motel and found a paved, patio-like area, complete with five wooden picnic tables, propane patio heaters, and an old-looking but (probably) functional barbecue, but Jimin isn't exactly a fan of the cool breeze flowing through the air.

You lift the lid of the barbecue, examining the charred grates of the grill. "Well, I dunno, but it'd be a shame not to use this before it gets too cold out."

"Too late," Jimin mumbles. His lips are hidden behind the front of his coat, which he's ducked half his face into.

Hoseok ignores Jimin, nodding at your idea. "A barbecue night would be nice."

"How are you on the grill?" you ask him.

"I'm better at prepping."

You chuckle. "So basically, not good?"

"Not good," he echoes with a smile.

After sharing some giggles, you look at the barbecue again. "I'm sure I could figure this out."

"I'm going back inside," Jimin tells you both, already walking away.

"C'mon!" you call after him. "It'll be fun!"

=

Although you're in a different store now, near the edge of the city closer to the motel, the pet/hybrid aisle hosts a pretty similar collection to the store near your apartment. You pull another plain, black collar off the hook on the shelf, which matches the one currently sitting around Hoseok's neck.

He's not paying attention at all, as far as you know, instead hunched over the pushbar of the shopping cart he insisted on pushing for you, poring over the grocery list you'd written on a memo pad for tonight's "celebration".

In your mind, you've started calling it your "new friends party :D", emoticon included, but you haven't worded that out loud to either of the boys. Hoseok would surely laugh at the childishness of the name, even if he'd politely try to stifle it, and you know Jimin would only remind you that his relationship to you and Hoseok is temporary.

Mood killer, you think to Jimin, although it's the hypothetical version of him.

The real Jimin is looking at the array of collars on the shelf like you asked him to, and you step up next to him.

"What do you think?"

Jimin frowns, deep in thought. "They're all ugly."

Okay, maybe not that deep.

"Ouch," you chuckle, fingers toying with the black silk in your hand. "You don't have to wear one all the time -- just while we're in public spaces like this."

Grumbling, Jimin stuffs both his hands in his coat pockets. "In public... that's when I wanna look good."

"Okay, okay." You pat a hand on his shoulder. "Maybe we can find one you like online, or something."

"Doesn't this one work?" Jimin points at his neck, fingers ghosting over the soft velvet of your red choker.

You tilt your head. "I guess... Probably."

The tags for collars have to be bought and customized separately anyway. There's no reason why you wouldn't be able to put Jimin's on your choker, though attaching the tag might not be as simple as the store-bought collars. Manageable, though, you're sure.

"If you're done being picky, we should get going. The frozen meat will be rotten by the time we get to the car," Hoseok says, making Jimin roll his eyes and stick his tongue out at him.

You clap your hands together. "Ooh! We should get ice cream!"

When you bring all the groceries to the counter, you notice that Jimin keeps his head down, avoiding the eyes of the person ringing everything up. This isn't new -- Jimin seems to not like making eye contact with anyone but you or Hoseok.

He'd tossed the red contacts after one of them had an intimate meet and greet with your bedroom floor, but you can tell he doesn't like being without them. It's awful, you think, how long he wore those fake red eyes just because his owner... what, enjoyed the idea of owning a deadly hybrid?

The... exoticism?

You shiver.

On the cusp of winter time, with Jimin in a couple layers, you wouldn't even know he's a hybrid if you weren't paying attention. As far as you know, his only hybrid-defining trait is his scales, and the only ones you can see right now are on his neck. They'd easily go unnoticed to the everyday passerby.

"Your total is--"

The cashier's voice startles you, and all you can do is shake your head when they ask if you have their points reward card.

Before heading back to the motel, you make a quick stop at your apartment, telling the boys that you're just grabbing some more of your clothes and that they can wait in the car. You do grab some clothes, but you also pick up a few of your favourite books. Hopefully the boys will be able to find some entertainment in them. Recently, you discovered a recreation room in the motel, complete with a couple of exercise machines and a pool table. With how preoccupied you are with all this motel business stuff, though, you haven't had the time to play a round of pool or even think about exercising. Maybe the boys have been in there, but it seems like Hoseok is almost always somewhere around you, still weary of your condition.

It's sort of fair, you think. Dizzy spells still hit you sometimes.

Jimin, too, often sticks around somewhere nearby. Maybe it's because he likes scrolling through your phone and doesn't want to just take it and leave whatever room you're in.

Which brings you to the real reason you stopped by your apartment. You walk up to the mailboxes and pull out your key, smiling when you open your locker and find the packages you were expecting.

It's a bit of a pricey expense -- at least, for how you used to budget your life before it flipped on its head -- but you think it's worth the money. A simple phone for each of the boys, a new family plan to save on the phone bills, and a specialty reptilian hybrid eczema cream. You hope it's the right one for Jimin. You haven't seen his irritated skin since that shower due to the chilly weather, but you still catch him scratching his arms over his clothes from time to time.

You're sure if you told Jimin you wanted to buy the cream for him, he would've refused. The phone, too.

"Took you long enough," Jimin says when you dip back into the driver's seat of your car.

You chuckle. "I missed you too, Mochi."

He huffs at the nickname and crosses his arms, then turns his head to stare out the window. You don't see his faint smile.

=

"It's freezing," Jimin complains through chattering teeth, hands stuffed in his coat pockets and shoulders scrunched up practically to his ears.

You can't hold back a little laugh. "I told you, you could either help me out here with the grill, help Hoseok with prepping everything inside, or run the raw food from the kitchen to out here." Raising an eyebrow at him, you gesture towards your gloved hands and the food you're flipping on the grill with metal tongs. It is chilly out, especially since the sun set, but you're wrapped up in your own jacket, and the fire from the grill is keeping your cheeks warm. It probably feels colder to Jimin, though. "You wanna trade with me?"

He gives you a flat look. "You're kidding."

"Thought so. You wanna trade with Hoseok?"

Cringing, Jimin shakes his head. "I hate touching raw meat."

"Well, there's our answer then," you say. "Was that the last of it?"

He nods, another shiver rippling through him. It's almost endearing how red his cheeks are turning, but you know he really can't stand the cold.

"Okay, go inside and warm up. I should be done cooking everything in ten or fifteen minutes. Bring this plate in--" You point at a foil-wrapped plate of the food you've already cooked. "I can bring the rest inside once I'm finished."

Jimin's eyes widen slightly. "I thought you wanted to eat out here?" He looks at one of the picnic tables.

"Nah." You shrug. "It's way too cold for me, and the food will cool down too fast."

Elated by this news, Jimin smiles and bounces on his feet when he grabs the plate and runs it inside.

"And help Hoseok clean up the kitchen!" you yell out right before the door shuts behind him.

Truthfully, you did want to eat outside for the celebration, but it's more important to you that Jimin is comfortable and happy. After all, he's one of your new friends, and that's the whole point of tonight. You smile at the thought, excited to gift the boys their new cell phones after dinner.

Flipping some of the last pieces of meat on the grill, you hum to yourself. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a hand reach for the plate you have set to the side for the cooked food. It tentatively grabs one of the slices of meat and pulls it off the plate, which you let out a chuckle at.

"What, you couldn't wait a couple more minute--"

You choke to a stop, though, when you look up and see neither Hoseok nor Jimin.

Dark eyes meet yours for less than a moment before swiftly turning downward. The man stumbles back a step, but he freezes in almost the same way you do. Except, instead of his jaw dropping open like yours does, he pauses mid-chew, the frisked meat still in between his teeth.

That's not what makes your breath hitch, though.

Even under the blackened sky, you can see the bruises.

A dark, deep purple sits boldly under is left eye, the surrounding skin a sickening blend of yellow and green that winds up all the way to his brow. His chin sports another bruise in a similar state, like the blows had been a couple days ago and the skin has gone through only the first stages of healing. Although his face is grimy with sweat and dirt, you can see crusted blood just at his hairline before his black hair hides anything else. You can tell his lip was completely busted at some point, marred with dark, dried blood that's been split over and over again and given no chance to heal.

Even his stance looks like he's in pain. Like he's trying to make himself look smaller.

You swallow the shock down, the words not coming out. "I..."

He snaps out of it at the sound of your voice. Both of his hands shoot up, palms flat and facing you. "Sorry-- I'm sorry," he mumbles and winces, like it hurts to speak. His voice is scratchy and rasping.

He backs up further while you try to find something to say, something to do, but before you can do anything, he runs off the patio and disappears into the treeline, a clear limp in his movement.

"Wait!" you call out, but he's gone.

Maybe it was the injuries that made you want to go after him. Maybe it was the way he held himself, like he didn't want to be in his own body. Maybe it was the way his voice trembled, or the fact that he definitely wasn't wearing enough for the temperature outside.

Maybe it was all that combined, but most of all, it was the pointed black ears you saw on top of his head.

prev | chapter six (12.0k) | next

[luke-hughes43]

stella's favorite pics of lukey | luke and stella | insta edit

a lil photo dump for the babies

*had to bring this one back. we love stella's personality!*

~

stellazegras_ 

Liked by lhughes_06, trevorzegras, and others.

stellazegras_ so, it’s been a while since i’ve posted online and i’ve had a lot of wine tonight and i’m feeling nostalgic so here’s a compilation of my favorite pics of lukey and why i love them and so much!

pic 1: this pic is from like a month after I met him and it's when I first had the biggest crush on him bc I thought he was so cute (spoiler alert: I still do🥰)

pic 2: I feel like on is self explanatory. especially bc I've worn that jacket many a times during the ann arbor winter, and that smile is so infectious that every time I see the pic I smile too

pic 3 +4: it's literally the same facial expression and it makes he giggle bc he looks so deep in thought when I'm pretty sure he was just thinking about me (he literally is always thinking about me or hockey so I'm going with he was thinking about me in these pics)

pic 5: he looks so sassy, and I love sassy luke😆😉

pic 6: this is from college move in day and it was the first time I had seen lukey in like 2 months and I knew that I would get to see him everyday after that

pic 7: I mean come on, after the goal he scored right before this against state, it's hard not to enjoy this pic (especially with the sex we had that night)

pic 8: him and his boyfriend looking so cute (this was before luke's boyfriend got a girlfriend so I was the chronic 3rd wheel and not happy but they look so cute so it's whatever)

pic 9: my awkwardly shy boy, so cute☺️🥰

pic 10: his last practice at yost, bittersweet but he was signing his elc with jersey days later and living his dream so it's hard not to love this pic, plus i always loved him watching him play at michigan

pic 11: him cheering on his teammate and looking so goddamn fine doing it, (also i think we had great sex after this game too🤭)

pic 12: his draft night, and one of the proudest moments i've had of him achieving his dream. this was also one of the first moments of us being with all of his family and friends after them finding out about us dating

so thank you for looking at all of the amazingly awesome pictures of my super handsome loving and awesome boyfriend and why i love these pictures so much! 

plus i love him too!

Tagged: lhughes_06

Comments:

lhughes_06 I-

lhughes_06 baby, i love you so much but what is this?

lhughes_06 why did you this?

stellazegras_ because i had the rosé while on facetime with paige and felt nostalgic. plus I miss you lhughes_06 I miss you too baby, I'll be in jersey in 3 days sweetheart. stellazegras_ 3 days too long lhughes_06 stella... stellazegras_ i know lhughes_06 also, how much rosé did you have? stellazegras_ all 3 bottles... lhughes_06 3 BOTTLES? stellazegras_ I missed you ok? and the wine made me miss you less, so next time when I have to be in jersey for class come with me so I'm not alone with 3 bottles of the good rosé lhughes_06 noted

bellamurphy omg, this is golden. really went into the archives for some of these

stellazegras_ well most of my favorite pics of luke are from his michigan days so...

edwards.73 this is so funny, please share more funny pics of Luke I'm begging you

stellazegras_ be careful what you wish for ethan, I have pics of you too with luke that are a little cheeky edwards.73 I revoke my previous statement then... stellazegras_ smart boy

averyjohnson_ so mom, do you have any embarrassing pics of dyl?

stellazegras_ I have plenty hun, give me like 20 minutes and I'll find them

dylanduke25 I'm afraid to say anything in fear of pics of me getting posted

stellazegras_ I think you are the smartest one of them all duker

paige.greene we need to facetime with wine more often. I loved every second of witnessing this, next time the wine is on me girly

stellazegras_ hehehe thanks for listening to me talk about Luke for 2 hours paige.greene anytime stel, I missed you lhughes_06 I'm sorry, it took you 2 hours to do this? stellazegras_ that's how long it took me to finish all of the wine lhughes_06 I have no words

mackie.samo as a witness from cuddling with Paige, this was very entertaining and why I'm glad I avoid cameras

stellazegras_ you don't totally avoid them samo, I have pics from paige that I know you wouldn't want leaked... mackie.samo you truly scare me stella zegras

fiona.swanson can I be inited to the next wine night? I have some fun pics of mark!

stellazegras_ yes! embarrassing pics of our boyfriends are required for entry! markestapa HEY! LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS!

markestapa respectfully hughesy, I do not envy you right now. and fiona, stay away from the wine until further notice

stellazegras_ hehehe, no one is safe from me mark lhughes_06 yea thanks mark, not helping fiona.swanson for now, you are safe babe

ellawoods omg, this is golden

stellazegras_ the power of some good wine ella. I have much to teach you

seamuscasey26 luke, I wish you luck when you get home to jersey

stellazegras_ watch it shea, I have the spare key pal seamuscasey26 luke, come home soon to jersey, stella is scaring me

_mackboldy omg, I've missed wine drunk stella! can we get wine drunk soon????

stellazegras_ yes! you are always welcome! especially to get away from trev trevorzegras and this is why we don't let you near wine unsupervised. and with internet access stellazegras_ oh shut up. 

jackhughes send me some other embarrassing luke pics pls, I beg you

stellazegras_ no. 

_quinnhughes I have missed drunk stella on the internet. pls be safe 

stellazegras_ I'm literally in bed cuddling luke's pillow because I miss him, I think I'll be ok

colecaufield OMG I LOVE WINE DRUNK STELLA! 

stellazegras_ hehehehe thanks coley

_alexturcotte this is chaotic in the best possible way. remind me to get you wine drunk when I need to embarrass trevor

stellazegras_ noted turcs. but I don't need to be wine drunk for that, just text me any time and I got you

cassie.hughes6 I did not need to know some of those things. 

stellazegras_ oh right, I forgot you're a baby and luke's little sister lhughes_06 jesus baby, my baby sister follows you and you mention our sex life?  lhughes_06 hang on, MY MOM FOLLOWS YOU stellazegras_ oops? lhughes_06 oops is right cassie.hughes6 I'm literally 20. hardly a baby. stellazegras_ still a baby lhughes_06 still my little sister who doesn't need to know about my sex life cassie.hughes6 you got that right moose

[halevren]

FHJY Spoilers || my live thoughts as I watch episode 2

HIII INTREPID HEROES!!!!!

I'm so excited for this episode guys what if we see ayda finally 🥹🥹🥹

I was watching Candela Obscura Needle And Thread earlier today and it's so beautiful to see Brennan have such a large range. From dirty traumatized soldier to GM is lovely. Miss the accent tho

"Yeah that's cool and casual" ringed mage hand is awesome

it only took 5 1/2 years to learn the game (it would probably take me longer)

THEY HAVE A MINI FOR EVERYTHING?!???! RINGED MAGE HAND MINI!!!!!

CUTTING WORDS 🔥🔥

TWO ONES DIVINATION ROLLS FOR THE WIN

Panicked his way into a rage I love grogug

THE NIGHT YORB IS BLOODIED!!!!

"Would you be interested in healing us?" Asking the cleric that is unbelievably funny

healing the van. did Kristen do repairs inside for the healing ward? I like the idea of mechanic Kristen for funsies

"I can name 10 monsters right now" just like how he can name 10 birds

Adaine going down twice sucks, my girl 😭😭😭

if they don't catch adaine I'll cry

FIG CAUGHT HER THANK GOD

ARMOR OF AYDA??!?!?!?? AYDA MENTION SHES WEARING HER GIRLFRIEND'S ARMOR OH MY GOD FIGAYDA

"My girlfriend says hello" HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII AYDA 😭😭😭

thinking about ayda kept her concentration 🔥

Duggan intervention need

bad roll murph back with a 2

The Beans Are Due

Chaos at the table over beans

FOUR ON THE BEANS 🔥🔥🔥🔥

another 2 roll..... murph..........

oh no. Fabian is getting out of the car again... last time this happened he got hurt and ended up under the car

STOP FLIRTING WITH THE MIRROR IN FRONT OF RIZ PLS

"There's nothing I can do it's the rules ¯\_(ツ)_/¯" Brennan my friend you are the rules

HE GOT A NAT ONE AGAIN. HE SHOULD'VE STAYED ONE VAN

absolutely tossed the dice by ally

"I'm always rooting for you" fabians gonna die

5D10?!?!? AND MURPH HAS TO ROLL?!?!??!!! THE MAN WHO GOT 45 OUT OF 50 ON HIS LAST 5D10 ROLL

oh thank god bad roller murph back. 22 damage

2/3 turns under the van is insane. And he just needed a TWO BOTH TIMES

Fabian isn't having a great junior year

My face hurts from giggling

Lou is so low spirits after the second time under the van. Understandable

i need some Fabian fanart where he just has rug burn on both sides of his face

Fabian not getting his kisses in and got ran over twice embarrassing

what if this is a total party wipe after the night yorb attack and Riz is just. alone. in the wheel well

NOOOOOOOOO BOGGGGGYYYYYY

did ally just get a one on concentration

TWO NAT ONES?!? AND FIG GOT THROWN OFF

murph giggling over Ally's saves being empty is so cute

this isn't good

ECAC DEAD AND BOGGY DEAD AND BABY DEAD EVERYONE IS GONE

we might need divine intervention Kristen......

oh no. oh no. Fabian is down. oh no. adaine down oh no fig is down oh no oh no

oh no.

DUGGAN IS SO COOL!!!!

fifteen or higher murph. you got this murph. come on murph come on

6................................

"The car flipping would be very bad" murph....

FLIP THE VAN 🔥🔥

i hope that van survives

KRISTEN IS DOWN?!??! NOOOO

NIGHT YORB IS BLOODIED 🔥🔥🔥

second dice thrown people being sued

Gorgug you've got this I love you

nat 20 come on

oh no. 8

NAT ONE FOR THE NIGHT YORB

"Just don't roll a one" oh no I'm going to throw up

fig you god this

NAT 20 BABYYYYYYYYYY

Gorgug. You are the greatest wizard of this age

I can't stop giggling this is so good

NIGHT YORB DEFEATED

RIP DUGGAN

2 hours left do you guys think we will see ayda I miss her

KRISTEN BACK UP

adaine please don't Perma die

MOGGY ATTACK CRIT

GORGUG CRIT

Holy shit Moggy.... That was brutal...

Push up to get up I like this new Kristen

GET UNDER THAT HOOD A LITTLE BIT. MECHANIC KRISTEN

THE BALL 🔥🔥🔥

"Is Kristen mad at me?" Cassanda.... Honey.....

Photosynthesis is back, baby!!!

"I stab him a few times just to try and feel something" oh fabian....

YAS-MAG

"Riz, we're tired" oh gorgug...

FIRE BALLLL

ripping ass fr

LOVE WINSSSS

DOUBLE CRIT GORGUG 🔥🔥

I think this is the most I've seen Murph laugh and literally cry

I love this season already I think it's my favorite already

"I think it's meaningful in your friendship with Fabian"

So tactical, so late. I really do need that on a shirt

"What do I add to 'crush with motorcycle' "

Fabian is so unlucky with love. No kisses for him

WHO IS THE PATRON FOR FIG?!??!??

SQUEEM

Balthazar is all around us.

Photosynthe-kids

"That little... Handle?"

THE DRY GUYS

"Just because I don't trust you" I wouldn't trust Brennan either after what happened 😭

BACK IN ELMVILLE WILL WE SEE AYDA?!?!!!?!?

cottage cheese a la mode

AN IN AND OUT DEAL

HEY GIRLIE HEYYYY GIRLIE

GILEARRRRRRRR

omg is the fortune cruise thing for Gilear part of the Fig deal omg

OH MY GODDDD GILEAR PROPOSED OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD

oh Fabian is absolutely going to have parties. MORE CRAB PARTIES!!!!!!!! CRAB KING

For a couple months or a year 😭😭

GILEAR BECOMING LUCKY

Fabian having to roll to remember where the fridge and glasses are is so goddamn funny

LAWYER SKLONDA

omg I have the same hair cut as sklonda

ohhhhh Riz....... He just wants everyone to stay together.... oh honey....

aguefort academy extracurriculars.... please can we have bowler Riz. Just for me. No other reason. FOR ME.

"You do everything for other people, and I want to make sure you don't get your hear broken." sklonda.....

MAKING A BOARD BABE

THE THISTLESRPINGS!!!!!

ZELDA'S DAD BROUGHT A BOX OF HIS STUFF BY???????? ZELDA AND GORGUG BROKE UP?!??!?!! RIP

CHRONOMANCY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT MAGIC

BED BREAKS GORGUG OUT

MORDRED MANOR... WILL WE SEE AYDA?!?!?!??!?!??!!!!!?!?

RAGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

SANDRA LYNNNN

where ayda. where ayda. where ayda aguefort

SQUEEEEEEEEEMMMMM!!!!!!!!!

"You're both dangerously close to being expelled" JAWBONEEEE

"It's a very bard thing" I will use that excuse for everything

I really relate to Kristen because I also had trouble finishing things in school

A sick year 🔥🔥🔥

oh my fucking god Arthur is having daddy daughter bonding time does this mean we won't see ayda oh my god oh my god

NEW AYDA ART OH MY GOD

"with the help of my beloved Paramour, Figueroth Faeth" UGLY CRYING RN

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO AYDA IS GONE WHYYYY

"Our fucking romance is so fucking epic" I love them. I want to experience a love like they have

Balthazar (parody of "how bizarre")

tracker wants to get in touch....trackerbees...

OH MY GOD AELWYN BECAME A TEACHER???? AND HER ART HAS SO MANY CATS?????? CAT LADY AELWYN????

aelwyn put a protection around adaine 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 UGLY CRYING

her stomach gurgles painfully????!?!?!?!!?

"Do you if acid reflux can be a curse?" Yes. It is a curse (I am a person who had bad acid reflux and have to take medicine for it daily or else I will hate my existence)

Oh my god. Oh my god. Is Fig changing into Gilear? Oh my god did she and Gilear change lucks? Oh my god

NOOOOO NOT THE FISHNET

"No. It's better this way." "How?" 😭😭

"KRISTEN'S EX" TRACKERBEES IS OFFICIALLY OVER 😭😭😭

Buff Kristen is the after effect of the trackerbees breakup. Baby's first lesbian breakup fr

SOMETHING JUST HURT HER????

I HAVE TO WAIT ANOTHER WEEK 😭😭😭😭😭😭

wait Porter is kinda hot

thanks for listening. if you read all of this I love you and will give you a nice strong hug

[cheesy09]

[CN] Kiro's 2023 Birthday Prequel

🌸 Warning: This post contains detailed spoilers for content that hasn't been released on the EN server yet! 🌸

[Note: This prequel was translated with the help of Google Translate :>]

[Chapter 1: Returned Treasure]

After turning the key into the keyhole twice, the door was pushed open.

"Take a look at it first, Kiro. If you want to buy additional furniture and appliances, just let me know."

Accompanied by the man's words, Kiro walked through the entrance hall, a bit of deliberate curiosity in his blue eyes as he looked at the new residence that the company had arranged for him.

The living room was very spacious, enough to place a lot of music equipment.

The kitchen was L-shaped, and the aisles were neither wide nor narrow. There was a refrigerator, oven and other high-end appliances built into the wall cabinets. There was only one thing missing - a microwave.

For a "killer cook", it could almost be considered one of the greatest inventions in the world.

But he didn't want to trouble the unfamiliar man in front of him, so he nodded deceptively and walked towards the bedroom. But as soon as he stepped through the door, he frowned.

Although the sun was shining brightly in the sky, the room was extremely dark, and the white bed and wardrobe in his field of vision were covered with a layer of gloomy gray.

The instigator behind this was a drab building standing next door. The walls looked like cracked skin, mottled and old.

The man seemed to have noticed something and said softly, "It's disturbing being blocked by this building, isn't it? But it will be demolished soon."

"Disturbing?"

The subconscious rhetorical question made the man stunned, but he quickly reacted and showed two rows of big white teeth.

"Hey, is this a northern dialect? How should I explain it..."

"When something makes you feel uncomfortable and upset, we call it disturbing..." As if he found it hard to describe at once, the other party started to make gestures.

Kiro listened quietly while observing the man with thick eyebrows and big eyes in front of him. An hour ago, he had introduced himself in the pick-up hall --

Savin, a manager of B.S. Entertainment and the one responsible for his acting arrangements in Loveland City in the future.

He'd heard this information from Pen a long time ago, but he still wasn't sure whether the other party was a member of B.S. But it didn't matter. There would always be more than one pair of eyes lurking around him.

Therefore, he took Savin's words very naturally.

"Haha - so that's what it meant. It's okay, Savin, I'm not disturbed."

The casual form of address made Savin stunned for a moment, and his eyes softened. "You must know that we Northeasterners can easily take away people's accents. You should learn less, don't be afraid of using your usual Californian accent..."

Savin paused and handed the key in his hand to Kiro.

"Also... I know you've just returned to China, and you must be uncomfortable with everything."

"Food, accent, residence... including the people. But all of this is temporary. I believe you'll find your own rhythm here soon."

Under Savin's sincere gaze, Kiro also nodded solemnly.

"Okay, how about this for today? I'll leave first. You have a good rest. I'll see you at the company tomorrow."

Savin walked out as he spoke. The moment he closed the door, another sentence was hurriedly squeezed in, "If you need anything, please call me at any time!"

Bang - the door was shut.

Kiro finally breathed a sigh of relief and turned around to walk to the suitcase he brought back from California - one which was filled with souvenirs he'd collected over the years.

He touched the box and smiled, then walked around again before finally opening an inconspicuous low cabinet and putting it inside.

This was the "treasure" he hid, and the keyhole could only be accessed by one person.

"Hey, I'm back with the treasure box. I hope I can find you soon."

[Chapter 2: Tiny Light]

--8:30 a.m.

A sharp ringing sounded throughout the bedroom.

"Mm..."

Accompanied by a vague voice, a slender arm stretched out from under the quilt. It followed it's owner's will and groped around the bed, but as it fumbled, it grew impatient. It kept swatting at the bedside like a gopher until the world became quiet, and an unknown amount of time had passed.

The man who had been dreaming suddenly opened his eyes, looking around in panic and confusion. However, in his misty vision, there was only a tiny cluster of light huddled pitifully in the corner, secretly confusing time, making it impossible to distinguish between day and night.

Kiro had no choice but to pick up his phone and take a look -- 8:38 a.m.

"......"

He helplessly rubbed his messy blond hair, walked to the window with bare feet, and pulled the already open curtains wider to both sides. However, the light only spread a little symbolically, illuminating half of the floor.

--It seemed a little disturbing.

He frowned and inadvertently stepped into the sunlight.

The thin light could only illuminate half of his body, but the corners that were illuminated were dazzling enough. He subconsciously squinted his eyes and followed the trajectory, all the way out of the dilapidated building next door. After that, he saw the endless flow of vehicles and the small crows of people going back and forth.

At this moment, Kiro's heart seemed to open up.

There was nice whether today.

-

--9:30 a.m. B.S. Entertainment Conference Room

"Kiro, although you've just returned to China, you should rest for a while to adjust yourself."

"But there haven't been many domestic entertainment resources recently, and everyone has be rushing to grab them, so we should seize this opportunity."

Savin picked up a stack of papers and handed them to Kiro, "If you continue to focus on your music, your development will become more rigid, so the company has secured some film and television audition opportunities for you."

"We can't just be singers, we need to become famous superstars."

Upon hearing that, Kiro knew that this had been the decision taken up by B.S. After all, only by expanding his influence in all directions would it be easier to do things for them. But he wasn't put-off. He knew very well that only by constantly broadening his own path, would he be able to take the initiative into his own hands sooner.

"Alright, Savin. I just have one question." He flipped through the audition details in the file. "When will the auditions start and how much time do I have to prepare?"

Kiro's calmness made Savin laugh and adjust the watch on his wrist slightly.

"Two o'clock in the afternoon. There's an audition for a sports commercial."

"Okay, I'll get ready now."

[Chapter 3: Good at Joy and Happiness]

In just a month, Kiro's success rate in auditions was nearly 75%. But when Savin reviewed the results, he frowned, "Strange... why did the auditions for movies and TV series fail?"

A trace of frustration flashed in Kiro's eyes, "I'll continue working hard. Please give me some time."

After a moment, Savin spoke in a deep voice, "Don't worry, this isn't something you have to work hard on alone. I'll find you a professional acting teacher. It's okay. There's no need to rush for success. We still have time and opportunities."

With that said, he took out his cell phone and walked out, until a polite greeting came from the corridor.

-

The next day, Kiro was already in the garden of the lecturer's home--

"Hello, Mr. Chen. My name's Kiro."

He nodded slightly and looked at the man sitting on the wooden chair.

It was easy to tell from the drooping wrinkles on the other person's face that he was already a bit old, but his sharp eyes made him appear to be in high spirits.

"Mm, Savin told me everything."

"But before we start with the class, tell me, what do you think acting is?"

Kiro stayed silent for a while before considering his answer.

"Acting to me... is about interpreting different lives."

"That's half right, but it's more accurate to continue living these different lives." The teacher raised his eyebrows, "Although the characters in the scripts are fictitious, and the plot is also fictitious, most of them come from real life."

"In the corners you can't see, and to the people you can't see, ever-changing things happen every day. Actors are there to live these lives again."

Hearing this, Kiro seemed to vaguely understand what the teacher meant - "deduction" and "experience" seemed to be two different things.

But before he could continue to digest it, the teacher undid the folds on his pants and said, "That's all. Let's do some imagination and sensitivity training."

"Now, close your eyes and imagine that you're walking in a forest. The grass is soft and the sound of the stream is in your ears. But you also hear the rustling sounds coming from the grass in the distance. What do you think is there?"

"A rabbit..." Kiro closed his eyes, a faint smile on his lips.

"Then, what do you want to do?"

Kiro couldn't help but hold his breath, and stepped forward more slowly. He groped his way to the grass and squatted down, "Hey... would you like to come into my arms and play for a while?"

As he spoke, he opened his arms and waited quietly. It wasn't until his body suddenly froze that he carefully retracted his arms, as if he were really picking up a rabbit... Then, he tilted his head and raised his right hand gently.

Caressing down.

"Hello, I'm Kiro."

Unconsciously, the teacher's voice also became much softer, "After playing with you for a while, the rabbit suddenly ran into the bushes."

"....!"

A hint of panic appeared on Kiro's face. He placed his palms on the ground and leaned down to search.

"You've been looking for it for a long time, but you haven't found any trace of it..."

He was silent for a while, then curled his lips in relief, "It's okay, we'll definitely meet again next time."

"Very good, remember this feeling now." The teacher's voice could not hide his excitement, "You did not follow the public's logic to express your loss, but followed your true feelings. Those are the feelings you want, remember?"

Before he finished speaking, a sharp cry passed through the sky--

Kiro subconsciously closed his eyes and raised his head. At the same time, the teacher also spoke vigorously, "There's a Swift flying across the sky right now!"

"Swift..?"

"Yes, it's a bird that flies all its life."

"Because of their body structure, it's difficult for them to take off once they stop, so they only stop on branches to rest."

"Do you want to keep flying?"

The teacher smiled lightly, "Since we're curious about it, let's go and see its life."

"Now imagine that you are it. Your body is very light, and countless sceneries pass your feet. You just watch them from winter to spring, from dry to blooming, never stopping."

Kiro gently opened his arms. Under the guidance of the teacher, his arms gradually became sore, as if there were thousands of pounds of stones pressing on them.

"You'll also grow tired during this period. Looking at every corner of the city, there is no resting place for you to take off again."

Kiro suddenly felt uncomfortable. He found that he and the Swift were very similar.

They have always been on the road. Although there had been very beautiful places to sing and see along the way, when they said goodbye again, they would be greeted by an endless flight.

But--

"It doesn't matter, I can persist."

Kiro said in his heart.

"I'll keep flying until I find a place where I can rest peacefully and then stop."

[Chapter 4: First Show of Strength]

After repeated training, Kiro became more empathetic.

Even with the scorching sun above his head, he could be so cold that he would tremble all over, huddled in a corner waiting for the snow mountaineering team; or he could stand on flat ground, but there could be an abyss beneath his feet, making him feel dizzy, struggling hard on the edge of the cliff.

His heart was now able to deceive his eyes and brain with ease.

"Kiro, Kiro!"

Kiro, who had just finished training, saw Savin running towards him in a hurry, holding a suit of armor and carrying a red tassel gun.

"What is this, Savin?"

"The actor playing the young Sun Ce in "Three Kingdoms", temporarily broke the contract due to scheduling issues, so we're going to audition now."

"Three Kingdoms?"

"You must know that this is a production worth hundreds of millions. If you can get this role, it would be better than acting in ten other unknown works."

Savin shook the armor as he spoke, causing the fine dust covering it to sway. "Ahem! This is a costume taken from the company's warehouse. Let's make do with it for now."

"If your mixed-race looks go directly for the auditions, you'll definitely suffer a big loss, so let's take care of your hair first before going over." He took out a black wig from the helmet and quickly combed it with his fingers, "We can't miss out on the wig and contact lenses..."

Savin's rare rushed appearance made Kiro confused, so when he saw that the wig was about to cover him, he subconsciously tilted his head to avoid it.

"Savin, what is the Three Kingdoms? Why do I have to wear these? Do I need to act in a costume film?

"You kid..! Have you heard of the Four Great Classics? Do you know the romance of the Three Kingdoms? That's the story in it."

"I've heard of it, but I haven't even read the scripts, so can I just go directly to the auditions?" Before he finished speaking, the hairband was placed on Kiro's head with lightning speed.

"You can't control that much. Just try it."

After getting his hair done, Savin picked up the armor and put it on for him, one by one. At that moment, the teacher who had been sitting on the wooden chair also slowly said, "I remember you said that your dream when you were a child was to be a superhero. Now I tell you, Sun Ce is also a hero. So it doesn't matter if you don't know his life, just remember that he is a a hero who is not afraid of anything."

These words began to play in Kiro's mind over and over again, until he arrived at the shooting scene with Savin. The director improvised an audition topic--

"You are now fighting a battle with less to win more, but because you have no escape, you are fearless."

Along with his words, flags were flying on the distant city wall, and wolf smoke was also billowing. Kiro looked at all of it this, and his heart remained very calm. Although he didn't know what the Three Kingdoms was about, he knew what a hero was.

The next second, he walked to a white horse, holding a red tassed gun in his hand, and jumped on it.

The workers around him were hurriedly moving their filming equipment, but in Kiro's ears, he could hear the sound of horns roaring, and the sound of thousands of horse hooves trampling behind him.

At that moment, Kiro was convinced that he was on the battlefield.

Amidst a horse's cry that pierced the sky, he loosened his reins and galloped forward, riding into the wolf smoke that was about to engulf the world. There were only a bunch of red tassels, as bright as a torch. Even the beacon of fire in the sky couldn't annihilate it, as if it were soaring into the sky.

--"All officers and men, listen to my order and join me on the battlefield."

[Chapter 5: Forgotten Birthday]

He got the role of Sun Ce. In addition to receiving congratulations from all around, he also heard some nasty remarks--

"A mixed-race guy with blond hair and blue eyes wants to play a famous historical figure. Isn't there something fishy about this?"

It would be a lie to say he didn't care, but Kiro also knew the distance between himself and Sun Ce. He began to frequent the library and borrowed one history book after another, but found that the words were concise and difficult to understand. He ran to ask Savin and found that they were classical Chinese texts, written articles in ancient Chinese.

He had no choice but to borrow another classical Chinese dictionary and compare it word by word. After a long time, in his dreams, he would be wearing a robe and looking at a bottle of Coke that was as tall as a human being, shaking its head and saying something.

"Ran, ran."

But due to the language barrier, coke was sprayed all over him, which made him wake up.

There were many such interesting things, which made him enjoy the learning. But the more he got to know Sun Ce, the more Kiro discovered that in his eyes, this man could not completely be called a hero. He was just forced to be involved in the mud of history, especially since the death of his father. How many decisions had he made, and how many goals did he really want to achieve?

With that mentality, the filming of the scene about the young Sun Ce began--

"Kiro, isn't the helmet a little tight? But it's too late to customize it. Please bear with me."

"It's okay, director. This is nothing to me."

"Kiro, there are some risks in this fight scene. If you can't adapt, we can find a substitute."

"...I think if I do it myself, the effect will be better."

In addition to constant contact with the filming scene, the director would also patiently point how people in ancient times spoke, behaved, and pronounced.

It's just that there were so many things to learn. So whenever the filming ended, he would sit in a corner alone and watch and learn.

Days like this went on and on. Then one day, a small change occurred--

"Happy Birthday, Kiro! I got this on the internet."

At that moment, the director who had been looking at the storyboard also heard the sound and put down what he was holding, "Kiro, happy birthday."

"....."

"Why are you just blinking and not talking? Is it because you were so lost during filming that you don't even remember your birthday?" The director teased, then raised his hand to look at the time and called for the makeup artist to come over.

"Time is tight. Take him to put on his makeup first."

Kiro didn't say anything more and left with the makeup artist.

But on the way, he took out his mobile phone as if to confirm--

April 9th. He was so busy that he had forgotten about it.

[Chapter 6: Stopped Swift]

"Okay, cut! This fight scene was great!"

"Would you like to do it again? There were a few movements I could've done better..."

The director smiled and waved his hand, "No, I liked the energy you had just now. Not ruthless, just high-spirited. And isn't it your birthday today? Go back quickly."

"It's okay, director. I want to stay for a while to observe and learn."

Kiro shook his head quickly. There was a highlight today and he didn't want to miss the confrontation between "Zhuge Liang" and "Sima Yi".

"It's okay. Don't think about it, your friends and family are all waiting to surprise you." The director deliberately frowned, half-pushed Kiro, and asked him to leave the set.

After taking off his armor, Kiro walked lightly on the crowded streets. At that moment, he suddenly felt as though he were back in California. At that time, he had no place he wanted to go and walked one road after another. What had changed today? He obviously wanted to stay on set to study today, but why did he still have to "wander" outside?

Was celebrating a birthday really necessary?

Why couldn't he just spend the day sitting in a corner of the set and watching?

Do we have to buy a cake and sing happy birthday to make this day not go by in vain?

A series of self-questions made him stop and sit on a bench, feeling discouraged.

Let's get over this day quickly... When it's over, you can stay at the filming site with confidence.

While he was convincing himself, a girl carrying a schoolbag and her mother walked past, hand in hand. The mother was wearing a floral skirt, carrying a shopping bag in her right hand. The scallions sticking out of her bag swayed with her footsteps.

What was more beautiful than the sunset were the ordinary human fireworks.

Then, he laughed and rubbed his head.

Kiro, what are you being pretentious about? You have two choices now: First, go buy a cake for your birthday; second, go back and do some weight-training, and then fall asleep from exhaustion.

Just as he was making a decision in his mind, a white nanny car stopped in front of him.

"What are you doing here, kid? Get in the car."

He looked at Savin who rolled down the window in surprise. His mind went blank for a moment, so much so that he didn't even remember how he got in the car. When he regained consciousness, he already had a gift box in his arms.

"Happy birthday," Savin said with a smile. "I originally wanted to give it to you in the morning, but the company's kept me busy with work. I finally finished it and was about to send you home..."

"The director told me you had left, but why were you still sitting here?"

"...I was sitting here to observe life."

Kiro tried explaining things, but what he got in return was Savin's blank stare.

"That's not important. I'm here to tell you some good news. It might be your best gift today."

With that said, Savin took out a document from the side and handed it to Kiro, "The director recognizes you very much and has recommended you to senior directors everywhere. This is an audition invitation sent by them. Basically, you're the protagonist."

"From my professional point of view, starting from the young Sun Ce this time," Savin became more and more enthusiastic as he spoke. Because he was speaking too fast, his face turned red.

"It won't be too long before you become a superstar, because you were born to be one!"

Faced with such powerful acknowledgment, Kiro didn't know what to say for a while.

Music and performing have always been his dreams, but he didn't know how many people would like his abilities.

Ten thousand? One hundred thousand? One million?

He didn't know.

He just opened the folder in silence, looking at the audition requirements, thinking quickly about how to feel so that he could express those characters more realistically.

But what was certain now was that in the face of those demands, he was no longer as overwhelmed as he was two months ago.

Maybe he had gradually adapted to this city. Just like France and California... he would find his own place in this huge city.

Suddenly, a swift black shadow passed through his peripheral vision, and Kiro subconsciously raised his head and looked out the window.

A bird was sitting on a high branch.

--It was a Swift.

Translation Masterlist: here

Kiro's Habitat Date: HERE

[fiction-justanotherstateofmind]

Here I'll write the comments as I watch the new Teen Wolf movie, so SPOILERS!!

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SPOILER

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1) WTF! Why would you keep a evil spirit IN A RESTAURANT?! Easily accessible to anyone. And what if you open the wrong jar while cooking?!

Unbelievable.

2) All the Scott's first scene... kinda cringe

3) I'm not gonna lie, I missed the intro song 🎶

4) I've never heard Deaton speak so much (and for my Italian friends: lo vedo un po' sciupato)

5) Derek, my beautiful love! And hello, Stiles and Derek's son (called like Stiles' grandfather, Elias. iykyk)

6) Why do they talk about the Nemeton like they don't know it?

7) I love Derek as a dad. My heart is melting.

8) Parrish and Malia don't make any sense.

Update from the end of the movie. Ok, I kinda like them, but they still don't make any sense.

9) Apparently Deaton can fight now. Plus every time I see the nogitsune all I can see is this:

10) For a moment I thought I was watching the Winx... I guess some things never change. I surely didn't miss the bad special effects.

And why does everyone needs to be naked??

11) OMG!!! VICTORIAAA. This woman scares me even now

12) I've always dislike Allison, now even more: my poor poor Derek! 😭

Ok no, false alarm, but I don't change my opinion.

I really love Dad Derek btw.

13) I missed Peter and Chirs together. My other ship

14) Scott to Eli: "Find your dad". What if instead you tell him where his dad is too, since you do know Derek is at home but Eli doesn't *facepalm pt.2*

15) The parallel between Dark Allison and Scott and Dark Allison and her killing spree against my precious Erica and Boyd. YOU SEE WHY I DON'T LIKE HER?! (She didn't even say sorry for that btw)

16) The Sheriff killing Oni while sitting on the couch is on another level

17) Derek dies pt.2 (my heart can't take it anymore)

18) What?! Why, tell me why did you run against theirs swords. You literally killed yourself, Eli. *facepalm pt.3*

19) Peter, that was cringe af. And Chris wdym with 8 hours at most when we know from the show that it takes about 24h before the death?? Omg I can't with this movie

20) And now why do they care about the game? Hello, your father's going to die, Eli!!

21) Oh, she's really doing it. I didn't expect it (Allison shooting at Scott)

22) Ouch, that must hurt (Nogitsune with a new hole in the middle of his forehead)

23) I missed Chris and Peter's duo, but please give me back Peter's old hair style, this one is a death crime

24) Jackson my beautiful little lizard. I've always loved you ♡

25) How disgusting! It's like Rufus (from Kim Possible) became the Darach:

Do you se the resemblance too? Unfortunately I don't have a photo of the nogitsune unmummified.

26) The scene is kinda cheap but gods if I missed them

27) Why are Derek's eyes blue?? They were yellow again after the the Mexican fountain of youth

Update: nevermind. They reminded me that after Derek evolves his eyes go back to blue.

28) Can anyone stay dead in this city?? Harris too, come on!

29) You're giving your son TO SCOTT?? Are you serious, Derek?? It's like a big child, he can't take care of Eli. If Stiles was there, he would tell you the same (but if Stiles was there, Eli would be with his other dad -Stiles- so Scott wouldn't be even an option but I stand for my objection)

30) HIS EYES!! HIS EYES TURNED RED LIKE A TRUE ALPHA (btw, Derek, you've always been the alpha to me)

31) They've vanished. No corpse no death. And even then, we're in Beacon Hills so what is one more resurrection, right? Right??

32) SCOTT, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!! YOU'RE IN YOUR 30s, ALLISON IS STILL 16/17!

And why are you kissing anyway! Derek's dead*! (*to them, 'cause in reality Derek's alive, safe and sound. I know it)

33) Excuse me, can I see at least one tear for Derek Sourwolf Hale, please? Are y'all being serious? Scott is almost smiling!!

Also, they had a funeral for Derek but didn't invite Cora, his sisters... they didn't even tell Isaac that Allison is alive (you know, Allison, your boyfriend. I know you kinda forgot him even when you were dying but if you remember everything then Isaac is supposed to be in that everything too). They didn't even call Stiles!

35) Why does it seem that when the Sheriff was talking about the jeep he was actually talking about Stiles and Derek (or sterek as a ship/concept). No matter what, we sterek shipper will stand. Always and forever.

Final thoughts

I thought worse but at the same time it felt rush. I wanted to see more Eli and Malia bonding. Also the way the Sheriff cares about Eli it seems more like a grandfather to a grandson (if you know what I mean) but we couldn't really see that. And can we talk about Derek and Noah (John for the friends)'s partnership? Or how Derek speaks about Stiles with Noah as he's still in touch with him??

And where is Eli come from anyway?! Are we finally normalize mpreg?

Final final thoughts

I didn't like this movie. It was like a big bad Scallison fanfiction found on wattpad (ao3 is better). A lot of things were forgotten and other changed.

BUT

There's always a but (as in the Derek's "death" *wink wink*).

This movie gave us a lot of sterek material.

I'm afraid of what Jeff Davis' mind could possibly come with for another movie, probably more about Eli's past which means a mother for sure (unfortunately the world isn't ready for mpreg yet I'm afraid) and less sterek material. But at the same time I want to see Derek alive again, I want to see how they would manage with two true alpha and how Derek and Eli's relationship would evolve.

I want a lot of things to see but I'm afraid they won't give me any of them, so I can't decide either I want another movie or not.

What do you think?

[innestahtinen]

Something about spoilers for Renegade Nell.

At the end of episode two, when the rider emerged, I really thought I recognised it, but wasn't sure what from. Something was ringing in the back of my head, going "Wild Hunt". Probably from a fanfic i read a while ago, whatever, moving on. So afterwards I went and had a look at the wiki page and looked at previews for all the associated characters, and landed on the conclusion that the sickass creature was Herne. I then half forgot about it because of other media; a Shaun of the Dead, a bit of the The Thing with a healthy topping of tiredness. And we get to the next episode the next week; and my dad goes; 'oh yeah, there was that thing on the horse', and I'm starting to think "there's no way she beats it, it's that much bigger, it's more overtly supernatural. She's just going to have to find a way to divert it" and then she cuts the head off.

And I felt... cheated? of seeing the characters try to figure out how to get away from the hill creature.

And then in the royal meeting, when they confirmed that that's what it was meant to be, I can lean over and go; "Wha-hey, that's what I said."

And that makes it all worth it.

Did run through the Horrible Histories Monarchs song to double check which Queen it was.

My times kinda been taken up going through the Life Series's, because I've started watching Cleo, BDubs and Etho since the start of Season 10, I missed Impulse's first two seasons, because I don't think I was watching him until Season 8 and Pearl -ish. I added her halfway through S9 and went, there's too many episodes, I'll wait, and instead watched three perspectives of Empires S1. So I put all by session, in order, and it was 145 videos, and 108 hours... and now at 85 and 34. Like Big B. Martyn annoys me, he hasn't done anything, I'm just annoyed by him. I miss watching Mumbo, but I'm not going back, see previous reason. Am halfway through Last Life, on session 5.

Didn't watch the stream weekend, started at 12:30 am, and I had a shift at 5. Sorry, but no. Also I haven't watched any live livestreams since around the The Deep End smp days, so 2018-9.

I also played through all of The Big Con, which was pretty good, especially for the low price of free. Go and get it, even if you don't like the genre, or look of it, my Epic library's full of games that I'll probably never play, but it's good to have them on the off chance.

Were the two guys in the theatre Garth and Wayne from SNL?

'Nymphs are maybe the most extreme version of this, because of course it is from the word nymph that we get the term nymphomaniac, which I suppose is a sort of fantasy creature in it's own right.' - J.J. McCullough, 4th March 2024 (from a video about little guys)

[garbagefarm]

Garbage Farm (#48)

2024-03-25, session #48 of Garbage Farm! Spanning Winter 3 through Winter 9 of Year 4!

cast:

me (@mothmute)

E.B. (@blueherin)

Kimi (@2kimi2furious)

Highlights include, but are not limited to the following:

pre-game:

it's been a while, but Garbage is back, woohoo!

—oh. logistical difficulties. welp, it was bound to happen.

“so, uh, what'd you have for dinner?”

I did my Garbage Homework and I came prepared with a to-do list and everything! But nobody knows what we're doing.

(the song from titanic plays softly in the distance)

Possum is gonna be so so glad to see us, he might do a li'l hop and everything, maybe get all flat

Winter 3:

LET GARBAGE BE JOINED

oh god I've got clown shoes on and they jingle now, let's see how long before they notice

(spoilers: they don't)

I visit Marnie. Lewis assures me he is there strictly for business reasons.

Cringefail, one (1) more duck.

felled tree remains mysteriously appear in the graveyard??

Kimi finds a mystery door......

Clint caught me digging in the trash, who cares

Special order for Taro Root!

Alex is wearing his special shorts, but Kimi's are more special (hint: they are purple)

Winter 4:

Mr. Qi flies by on an airplane. Mystery boxes can now be found.

The Wizard Catalog is amazing.

I try to renovate my house, but all my stuff is in the way!

Made another shed big, though.

E.B. finds a mystery box. “what's inside?” “mystery, duh”

Honestly, a lot of the day is spent mindlessly wandering.

Big chests!! I'll miss the stone ones' aesthetics, but big chests!!

We all went to bed early

Winter 5:

Bookseller is in town???

Cool pig had an Elliott Portrait, that's not weird at all

(apparently had an Alex portrait, too)

I go ahead and max out the ducks

then I go consume all the books at once

Kimi finds powdermelon seeds??

Winter 6:

After moving all my furniture, I get a bunch of renovations to my house. To be honest, I have no idea what to do with all this space, my place was already a little sparse.

Kimi dies in the volcano because she didn't bring food!

(Somewhere in here, I suggest EB take the lead on the Taro Root quest)

Wind in the night...

Winter 7:

The big tree! Noooo! —eh, it was only there a few days.

A little hardwood turns it into a cute little house, though

Turns out, I'm the only one of us cool enough to explore the mystery cave 😎

It's wine night, and I drastically underestimate just how many kegs I have

Winter 8:

There's always so much to do! —and yet I can recall almost none of it!

Ice fest??

Kimi is running late to ice fest, but no worries. ... okay, maybe some worries, I am anxious-typed.

Hey, whole bunch of new dialog!

Evelyn is worried it might be the last time she make a snowman with Alex. That's so sad!! (It's okay, nobody dies here)

Harvey froze his face

Clint is completely useless at making snowmen

KIMI CAUGHT DOPING IN THE CONTEST AND STEALS 1ST PLACE

(it's okay)

I call out how nobody noticed my literal clownshoes and then realized, “shit, I sound like Clint,” 100% clown behavior

Winter 9?:

non-canon day!!

possum gives us a snail

MAYO CHUG hang on let's try and get a picture

Kimi tries and fails to count down

I suggest using a bomb as a timer; when the bomb goes off, drink!

we are so bad at this

over 12 in-game hours and no mayo chug picture, truly phenomenal

TO-DO:

crystalariums for coffee project and so many stairs

💀💀💀

I've been putting off kegs, preserves jars, and some tree-tap improvements for so many sessions, now

friendship!!

walnut room......

long-term projects, shopping lists

OPERATION MAGIC HAT (strictly confidential)

Keep exploring 1.6 content!!

Gotta defeat the ocean. The whole ocean.

... do we want extra garbage cottages?

oh right, darts

-

A short session, but it's good to be back, and I'm looking forward to exploring more 1.6 content with my friends

[kaiorik]

Gojo Satoru and Nanami Kento with a S/O that flinches when they're arguing

Request: Halo! Can i ask gojo and nanami reacts to reader flinching while they are arguing? Angst is my life😺. Thank you, have a nice day<3

Angst; fluff; mentions of domestic violence; mentions of dead parents; swearing

Autor's note: this is the second request akwvsiw, i hope you can enjoy it!

Gojo Satoru

The two of you really never argued with eachother, but when you did, from your perspective it was very scary.

Gojo would look at you with his big blue eyes, and you could feel the anger of his self.

The reason for him it wasn't that much of a deal, but for you it was important and you feared you could lose him one day because of his "job" wich was literally fight with curses.

"You can't do this to me Satoru! I need you to understand that i'm scared i might lose you one day!" You said while your eyes got tears on them.

"And i need you to understand that it isn't a big deal! I'm fine you see?! I'M MORE POWERFUL THAN THE REST! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST TRUST ME!" Gojo had screamed back at you. By that time, you already were scared, and the thoughts of your parents dying on a mission started to get in your mind.

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO HAVE THE SAME FATE AS MY PARENTS! THAT'S WHY!... Gojo... Can't you see that all of this is hurting me? It's hurting us." You could already feel the tears running trough your face. You just couldn't live without him.

"For fuck sake y/n! I'm not weak like that "parents" you had" Gojo was obviously irritated, why couldn't you just believe him when he promised he would always be by your side?

With anger running trough his veins he lifted his right hand to cover his eyes with such force, it made you flinch.

Gojo just couldn't believe what his eyes saw, you had flinched, you tought he was going to hit you? No way... no way... no...

"Y/n, did you just-" He tried to talk to you.

"No! Don't worry Satoru... i'm fine" You just stared at the floor. "Uhm, i'm going to sleep, good night and don't stay up until late ok?" Without waiting for his response, you went to your room and closed the door.

------------------------------------------------------------------

After Gojo cleared his mind and knew what to do, he went to the shared room you had, when he entered, he expected you to be asleep, but to his surprise you weren't.

"Hey...", ... after waiting for you to talk back, wich you didn't, he saw your puffy eyes and he remembered you were crying, he didn't noticed it at first, but when he imagined your beautiful face covered in tears his world fell down.

"Y/n i'm sorry, i'm so sorry i screamed at you, i'm so sorry i made you worry about me, i was just angry and my day wasn't that good, i made you flinch and i don't think i can forgive myself after that, but please talk to me y/n" He pleaded while he ran to you and hugged you from behind, hiding his face on your neck.

When you felt the tears on your shoulder you faced him back and hugged him. "Listen Satoru, i care for you and the simple thought of losing you beacuse of a curse is destroying me, i love you, and i need you to understand how i feel."

Gojo just nooded and you two fell asleep, after that day, he made sure to give you a goodbye kiss and reasure you that he was going to be okay.

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILER FROM JUJUTSU KAISEN MANGA

Angst; mentions of death; cursing

Nanami Kento

You knew that Nanami was always safe, that he could face any curse and he would still be okay.

You wondered why Nanami didn't came home for days, you were worried.

You two just had a fight the day he left the house and didn't came back, was it your fault? Bet you didn't knew what exactly happened.

Nanami came home at late hours, 2 am, 4 am, even 6 am, but he always left at 7 or 8 am, and you understood it, he had a job, and he kinda loved it, but sometimes you wondered if it wasn't too much presure for him.

You couldn't even remember the last time you saw his face so that night you waited for him. He entered the house and saw you sitting in the couch.

"What are you doing awake at this hour? Let's go to bed, bet you're tired" You could feel how he was worried and sleepy at the same time.

"Yeah uhm, can we talk?" That phrase made Nanami get palid, he thought the worst and with fear in his eyes he looked at you.

"Yes, what you want to talk about?" Nanami tried his best to keep himself calm.

"Well, i have noticed that you come home at late hours, and i understand!, but we barely see eachother, and you know... i miss you, so... i was wondering... if we could spend more time together?..." Oh, so that was it, what a relieve.

But he really didn't understand, he was right there, so why can't you be happy with it?

"Y/n i'm here with you, let's just forget that, and go to bed, it's already late and for sure you're tired"

"No Kento, i'm done with this, i just want you to be by my side and you just talk to me like it is nothing!" You were angry, how could he?

He was more angry than you, he thought you were selfish, why did you asked for more? Wasn't that enough?

"NO Y/N I GIVE YOU EVERYTHING AND YOU WANT MORE? I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR YOU OK? I'M OUT THERE AT WORK AND YOU JUST STAY HERE DOING NOTHING! YOU WANT TIME WITH ME? I WILL GIVE YOU THE TIME YOU WANT!" He had no right to snap at you, so why was he doing it?

"NO KENTO I DON'T WANT THAT TIME BY THIS WAY, AND THAT I DO NOTHING? I CLEAN THE HOUSE, I CLEAN YOUR CLOTHES, I GIVE YOU FOOD, I BUY WHAT YOU NEED AND WANT!" You were amused by his attitude.

"THEN WHAT DO YOU WANT Y/N ?! I CAN'T GIVE YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT BECAUSE I HAVE A LIFE TOO" You weren't part of his life?

"FOR F SAKE Y/N I CAN'T WITH YOU ANYMORE" After that he lifted his hand. He was going to hit you?

You fliched back and tripped with the carpet, that made you fell, but you didn't get up, you just covered your face and tears started to leave from your eyes.

Nanami noticed you on the floor, he had lifted his hand to brush it trough his hair, why did you flinch? Why were you now on the floor?. Realization punched him like cold water, and when he tried to get you up you just stared back at him in horror.

The next thing he did was leave the house, and day after day after day you knew nothing about him anymore, he didn't came home after that.

After one month.

You were shopping in the mall, you still missed Nanami, and you were searching for him. You heard voices talking.

X person: "Hey did you heard the news?"

B person: "Oh, about the man that died because of a curse? Yeah i heard that, i wonder if his family knows he is dead."

X person: "What was his name? Nanami? Namani? Nami?"

B person: "It's Nanami i think, poor man, i wish someone could have saved him."

He... was dead? Was that the reason you didn't knew anything from him for days?

No, it's a lie, couldn't be dead, he wasn't dead right?

You conected the dots, and you knew. The days he didn't came home, he didn't send you messages, you waited for him, but he never showed in front of you.

It was true.

When you got back home you cried, you felt like you wanted to die just to be with him, why did that happened? Why the last thing he had from you was an horror face and not a goodbye hug?

Till this day, you still regret it, even if you weren't selfish, you wish that in another life or another world, you and Nanami could still be together, and you tell to yourself you won't commit the same accident. For now, you need to live with the regret and with the sadness of his departure.

This was so sad to write, once again sorry if i have grammar errors.

This is for @lonely-dreamer , i hope you enjoy it! If you have any recomendation and you want me to change some parts just tell me and i'll do it.

Another person requested to @ them in this work, so @inumakiful here it is :)

Thank you for the requests!

[yourmidnightlover]

rock

Summary - spencer wants to figure out what's wrong with you, only to be reminded what day it is and he remembers why you've been so distant.

TW: talk abt: rape, recovery, therapy, case stuff; mention of: drug addiction, rape, miscarriage, being shot, death lol

WC - 4,283

!DISCLAIMER! - i am in no way trying to romanticize recovery from a traumatic event or being upset/depressed/anxious. this is kinda my way of getting through my own issues, so please don't think that's what i'm trying to do in any way. i also don’t know how i feel abt this ending since i wrote it so long ago but oh well!

i just realized there are a few spoilers so i'll put *asterisks* around them. those parts are just explaining how the reader's always there for the team.

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you had always been the rock in spencer's life.

mentally, at least.

when he had nobody there for him when he was going through his addiction with dilaudid, there you were. you helped him through it when everybody else on the team acted as if they never noticed.

you were the one that encouraged him to get help, and pushed him to follow through. you made sure he ate and talked to someone when he had his urges again, even if it wasn't you.

you let him come over and cry about what had happened, and how unfair his life was. you consoled him and would tell him how nothing was his fault. how he didn't deserve anything bad in his life.

*and when emily 'died', he went to your house every day. you held him as he felt himself falling apart from losing her. you didn't even worry about yourself needing to be consoled, because spencer needed you to be there for him.

*when she came back you were the one to convince him to forgive her. you talked sense into him. you reminded him how much he pleaded to have her back, and then he did. so he managed to forgive her... because of you and your logic.

*and you weren't just there for spencer. while, yes, you made a special effort to be there for him, you were there for everyone on the team.

*when derek was arrested back in chicago and the team found out about his past, you were the one he leaned on for comfort. you and penelope. you let him cry on your shoulder and yell at you about how twisted a man would have to be to do something so cruel to a child.

*when jj was kidnapped and beaten to a miscarriage, you were the first she told. you didn't say anything. you knew there was nothing you could say that would relinquish the pain of losing a child. so you let her cry. you let her hug you for what felt like hours. you let her grief her unborn baby for as long as she needed.

*when penelope was shot, nobody cared to check up on her after the fact except you. you went to her apartment for weeks just to make sure she was okay. eventually, she was able to let loose all of her frustrations on you, and you took it like a champ. she ranted about how she just wanted to be loved by someone attractive and how unfair and cruel the world is, in spite of how much good she tries to bring into it.

*when hotch lost hailey, you took care of his files. you offered to watch henry and let hotch cry to you about losing her a few times once you broke past his tough exterior. you even cried with him and jack. you made them dinner whenever you could, and helped him look for good nannies to help care for jack.

*when rossi lost carolyn, you went to her grave with him on many occasions. you brought him his favorite scotch, which was very pricey, and his favorite cigars, also very pricey, and tried your best to recreate 'the rossi special' upon his directions. it helped him feel in control of something when he needed it.

*and when emily came back from the dead, you helped walk her through her own grief. she lost herself, and buried her emotions. you helped her dig up her old self, and grow into an even better woman. you even took care of her cat when penelope couldn't manage. you helped emily grieve her own death when she wanted to deny it ever happened, and she was forever grateful for you.*

you had become like the team's built-in therapist when something bad happened, and you loved it that way. you loved being the one the team went to when they needed it. it made you feel as though you had a purpose, which was something you desperately needed.

but when you went through your own trauma almost a year ago, you refused help from anyone. you knew you should've asked someone for help, or at least someone to cry or talk to when you needed to.

the team had been working on a case for longer than expected, 8 days now, and everyone was really frustrated. you had released the profile 7 days ago, and there was still no new information. it was as if the unsub had gone dormant, and you all couldn't bear that thought.

when the team released earlier than normal from the precinct and you all went to the hotel you had been staying at, you decided to get a drink from the bar quickly. you went alone, wanting to review a few of the case files during the process and not needing a distraction.

you ordered a jack and coke, and opened the case files to begin rereading them, seeing if you had missed anything.

victims were kept for 24 hours, filmed, raped, restrained, cut in pieces, and thrown in the trash like garbage. it was absolutely disgusting, and the worst you had seen in a while. the victims were low-risk and most of them had a place of authority.

the unsub had been profiled to be someone who was bossed around by a woman, narcissistic and egotistical, wanted to feel more power and authority.

the problem is, that profile was most people living in the area. even penelope couldn't dwindle down the suspects.

and alas, you had missed nothing. nothing new appeared or caught your eye. you gulped down the rest of your drink and paid for it before packing up your things to head upstairs. you tossed the file back into your bag and began the trek to the elevator.

you were interrupted by something hitting the top of your head, rendering you unconscious.

the team had woken up, and after waiting around for half an hour, spencer realized something was wrong. he had morgan bust into your room, only to find the bed unslept in. you were missing. and the worst part... you fit the unsubs type.

spencer felt his heart drop at the realization he had taken you. and it seemed as though there was no trail as to where you had gone. penelope checked the cameras, only to find that they were hacked right after you left the bar, and then they resumed after you were taken.

at least they had a time frame.

later that day, after everyone hasting to figure something, anything out, spencer had gotten an email. he opened it and expected it to be relentless spam, only to realize it was a live feed video. a video of you. he instantly called penelope in hopes that she could trace it.

she said she could, but it would take some time because the amount of routers it had been going through.

while they were waiting, you noticed you were alone. you knew who the unsub was too, thanks to his baffling stupidity and narcissism that lead him to believe he wouldn't get caught.

"officer johnson! it's officer johnson!" you looked around the camera for a second, noticing something moving. "he-he here," you cried out. "i love you," you said to the camera to nobody in particular, but someone in mind.

you were terrified. spencer could see it in your eyes. he could see the tears you tried not to shed. you didn't want to please him, but you couldn't help but feel the absolute horror and fear coursing through your body at a relentless pace.

"hi there, missus fbi," he teased, finally walking into the frame with a ski mask over his face, clearly not aware that we knew his identity.

spencer told garcia who he was, and she began her digging. officer johnson's great grandparents had owned a farm that was since then refurbished. it was an hour away.

officer johnson had known that you two had chemistry. that's why he sent the email to spencer. he saw the longing glares, the 'innocent' touches, the smiles you would give each other, the longing looks you shared. he wanted to torment him.

so when he began undressing you and you turned your face away from the camera in hopes of sparing some of your own dignity, spencer felt his heart breaking for you. it broke even more when he heard the yelps, and screams, and please, and "no!'s" you elicited during the act.

they caught him before he cut you, but not before he finished the first part of his plan. your skirt was ripped, and your shirt was practically in two pieces. spencer had given you his jacket to cover yourself as much as you could.

you stayed silent the ride back. you didn't even let spencer hold you like you normally would after a tough case. you were ashamed. embarrassed. you felt worthless. you felt pathetic. you felt stupid. you felt helpless. you felt like you were drowning. you felt like you were without a life raft.

you knew you could talk to the team about it, but you felt so disgusted by the thought of what happened to you that you only talked about it in your therapy sessions.

hotch had given you two months off. he wanted you to grieve, and go to therapy, and try to cope with everything that had happened.

and you did try to do that. you tried your hardest to get over it and move past it, but nothing helped. not the journaling. not the talking. not the crying. nothing was working.

spencer gave you a little space at first, but he then decided to try to help you as you had helped him. he went over to your house almost every day, and sat outside your door after you wouldn't let him in.

you knew he was there... you sat on the other side.

"i-i know that you probably don't want to see anyone right now. and i'm uh, i'm sure you feel alone right now, or like you can't talk to anyone," spencer sniffled. "but pl-please just uhm, just know that i'm here when you want to talk about it. i'm here to listen to you when you need me to. i-i don't want you to be alone during this time, y/n. please, just let me in," he begged.

that was normally what he would say almost every night he went to your house. he would sit outside for hours after he would ask you to let him in without fail. until one day you let him in.

spencer felt so much relief when you opened the door, only for it to be smashed when he noticed your eyes looked red and puffy, your cheeks were stained with the tears you had been crying for so long. your cheeks were sunken in, and there were dark circles underneath your eyes that were once full of life and happiness. your eyes no longer had that gorgeous sparkle in them.

spencer vowed he would get them back.

as much as spencer wanted to wrap his arms around you in that moment, to comfort you and tell you that he was there, he wanted you to make the first move. he wanted to tell you how strong you were and how proud of you he was for getting through that. he wanted to tell you how much he loved you.

he wanted you to make the first touch, because he didn't want to further upset you. he didn't want to trigger a repressed memory, or bring back the feelings of what had happened.

but spencer's touch was nothing like the officer's. spencer's touch was soft and gentle. spencer's touch was feather-light and endearing. spencer's touch was love and home. the officer's was brittle, and rough, and repulsive.

"hug me?" you sniffled as your eyes welled with tears again as they had been for the past three weeks.

"of course," spencer slowly wrapped his arms around your shoulders as yours found his torso.

he walked inside with you still in his arms and slowly shut the door. without breaking from the hug, you both walked to the couch and sat down.

you didn't say anything. you just needed spencer to keep hugging you, so he did. he did whatever you wanted, needed, from him. eventually, you fell asleep in his embrace on the couch.

when spencer looked down at you, now sleeping against his chest, he couldn't bring his heart to remove himself from you. so like any whipped man would do, he carefully picked you up bridal styled and carried you to your room. he took his shoes off as well as his sweater vest before cuddling back up next to you.

as if it was a reflex, you cuddled up into his chest when he neared you again and got underneath the covers. spencer slept the best he did in months with you. and you slept without officer johnson in your dreams for the first time since that day.

ever since then, spencer had been making sure you were eating and drinking. he took you to your therapy sessions and stayed over most nights you had asked and he was able to.

they had a few cases during the two months, so every moment he could, spencer was with you. he coaxed you back to your normal-ish self. he watched as that glimmer in your eye began to slowly grow brighter everyday. he watched as your smile came back, and your tears didn't come so frequently.

the first time he had heard you laugh again, spencer had thought he was dreaming. he wished he had recorded that moment. he was more grateful than he's ever been in his life that he had an eidetic memory, because that sound would forever be engraved in his brain.

when you returned to work, you clung to spencer. he had become your tether to reality, and hope. he had become your rock during the recovery.

over the months, everyone slowly began to forget what had even happened. things went on as usual, and the team forgot the traumatic experience you had gone through. even spencer might've let the experience get lost in his brain.

so when it became 11 months and 3 weeks since the abduction, you began to distance yourself once again.

you politely declined going out with the team a couple days before the anniversary, something you never did. you insisted that you were just especially worn out from the case you had just been on.

spencer had to finish files given to him by derek anyway, so he didn't get to witness the encounter.

once the day of the anniversary came upon you, you found yourself feeling sick to your stomach. you couldn't help the tears that would fall from your face every so often. you knew why you felt this way, but you wanted to push past it.

you had gone into the office wearing a pantsuit and blazer, wanting to avoid the normal office skirt you happened to be wearing the day it happened. you stayed at your desk and quietly did your case files. you didn't even greet spencer as you would every day. you gave him a kind smile, but you would normally give him a hug, or at the very least an eager wave upon his arrival.

spencer just assumed it was one of those days where you just woke up on the wrong side of the bed. it wasn't spencer's fault he thought this. he didn't even look at his calendar to check what day it was. he just knew they had paperwork.

but he did have this day marked in his calendar. he had it marked so he would remember to be extra kind to you, and do your files for you, and come to your place with your favorite wine and takeout. he wanted to help you through the one year anniversary, but he forgot to check his stupid calendar.

you thought he didn't care. you thought the man who you loved, and the man who helped you through everything that had happened had had enough of your complaining and grievances. so, you didn't tell him about it. you didn't bother him with the terrible thoughts clouding your mind because you thought it'd burden him.

so when you finished all of your case files early, you asked hotch if you could leave early, at 2:00, because you had things to tend to. he allowed you to do so, but this rose a flag for spencer.

he saw you exit without saying goodbye to him, something you hadn't done the entirety of knowing him. you had always told everyone to have a nice night and to be safe before leaving, but not today.

finally, he looked at his phone for the first time all day, only to feel like the worst person in the world to realize what day it was. spencer felt absolutely horrible at this revelation and ran into hotch's office as quick as he could after packing his things.

"hotch!" he exclaimed upon opening his office door.

"go. she was practically in tears," hotch informed him. "and reid," spencer stopped in his tracks to turn and look at the stern man, "please make sure she's okay." spencer gave him a soft grin and a nod before turning around and bolting out of the office.

you had gotten home and immediately burst into tears. you shut the door with your back, and slid down it. you had never understood why people had done that in movies until now. you just couldn't wait to break any longer, so you settled for your front door.

you held back no wail, or scream as you cried in front of your door, your knees pulled up to your chest as you held them tightly.

you wondered why you had to go through that. you wanted to know what kind of karma there was for someone who had always tried to do the right thing to be hurt... and for nobody to even care. nobody wanted to console you, or to make sure you were alright.

you had checked up on everyone on every anniversary of their struggles. whether it be a death, abduction, anything, you had been there for every single anniversary or reminder. and nobody was there for you.

nobody was there for you to hug, or to lean on, or to cry to, or to scream at, or to rant to. nobody was there. nobody loved you enough to care about that.

but then you had to remind yourself that they all had lives.

but the person who is your life didn't even care.

spencer didn't care.

and that's why you truly lost it.

he acted like it was just another day. he acted like it wasn't the anniversary of the day you thought you were going to die. the day you wanted to die. the day you felt your most low, and humiliated. the day you lost all hope. and he didn't remember.

if the man with an eidetic memory didn't remember, it must be extremely insignificant. so therefore, you must be extremely insignificant.

spencer raced to your house. he wanted to be there for you today, and he failed. he felt like a failure as a friend. he hated himself for not being there for you when he knew you would need him. he knew how you clung to him in your time of need. you thought he was worthy enough to hold onto when you needed someone, and spencer felt elated at that.

but now he wasn't there for you. and you needed him.

he had quickly stopped by the store and your favorite takeout place to get the things you'd want. he got your wine, chocolate, food, flowers, and a teddy bear that had a sweater vest on him - you've always loved his sweater vests.

when he got to the steps of your house, he felt his heart drop. as he walked closer he heard the wails of your crying right by the door. he could sense the heartache from the edge of your porch, and felt himself feel even worse, which he didn't think was possible.

he instantly ran to the door and knocked profusely. you sniffled one last time, feeling embarrassed that someone had heard you crying your heart out. you had figured one of your neighbors heard you and wanted to tell you to keep it down, so you wiped your tears and the stray mascara from underneath your eyes and opened the door, keeping your eyes lowered in embarrassment.

"y/n," spencer announced sadly, a tear falling down his face. you looked up in confusion from hearing his voice. you noticed his tear and reached up to wipe it away on instinct.

"why're you crying? are you okay?" you asked, forgetting all of your own problems at the sight of spencer crying. spencer let out a small chuckle at your concern.

"i'm alright, aside from the fact that i'm a terrible friend," he admitted as his smile quickly faded upon seeing your stained cheeks. "i brought your favorites," he offered, holding the bag of goodies in one hand and the takeout in another.

"y-you... why?" you asked, wanting to make sure you weren't misreading the situation for him trying to comfort you.

"why?" he asked in disbelief. "because it's the anniversary. i can't tell you how sorry i am, y/n. i swear i marked it on my calendar and planned for us to take off so i could take care of you. i-i just woke up late and never bothered to even check my phone. i kn-know it's no excuse... but i am so, so, so sorry," he rambled out, already tearing up.

you grabbed his arm gently and pulled him inside before you started crying in front of your neighbors. you took the bags from his hands and placed them on your coffee table.

"i thought you just didn't care," you shrugged as you took a seat on the couch, prompting him to sit beside you.

"y/n..." he sighed as he realized how terrible he screwed up. "i will always care about this. i will always care about you. don't ever think differently. i'm just incredibly... dumb sometimes. i can't believe i made you think that," he trailed on. "i will never not care about you, y/n. i swear it. i will always, always care about you. i will always love you," he froze as he realized what he just revealed. your eyes widened, and squinted, and roamed his face, trying to figure out if he meant the words he had just sped out. "i truly do, y/n. i i’m in love with you and i'm so sorry i made it seem otherwise."

it took you a second to absorb everything that he had said.

"you too," you solemnly admitted. "i’m in love with you too. and i could forgive you... for almost forgetting," you gave him a small smile.

"i'm glad you could forgive me. i don't know what i'd do if you didn't," he relished. "you actually love me?" you nodded with a small smile.

"i have for a while," you turned your head to the bags on the table.

"oh! right!" he said, reaching for the gifts. "i got your favorite takeout, your favorite wine, your favorite chocolates, flowers, and..." he trailed on as he revealed each item. "i saw this teddy, and i couldn't resist," he smiled.

you took the bear, taking in its appearance. it had a light blue, navy, and white diamond pattern sweater vest and brown shoes on. it looked like spencer, just teddy bear form. you smiled widely at the sentiment.

"it's you," you grinned as you took it in your arms, hugging it tightly as you saw spencer nodded with a smile mirroring that of your own. "i love it," you chuckled.

"i would understand, the fur is really soft," he relished in the thought.

"i don't think he'd be as good of a cuddler as the real thing, though," you grimaced. "but he'll do for when i don't have you here i guess," you shrugged with a smile.

"i plan on being here as long as you'll let me," he said softly.

"always," you grinned, setting down the teddy bear and trading him for the real spencer reid.

"always," he repeated, taking you in his arms and squeezing you tightly as if you'd float away at any moment. "now let's dig into this food while you talk about your feelings, if you want that is," he said after releasing you from the hug.

"i think i want to," you nodded. "and spence?" he turned from getting the food out of the bag to look at you for a second. "thank you for being my rock through all of this."

"i'll always be your rock, y/n."

@averyhotchner  @greenprisca  @muffin-cup

[childrenofthelab]

ok now that i've napped and had a little time to process, spoilers for volume 2 under the cut

Part of me had kinda called Brenner's death the moment I saw that episode 8 was called Papa. Still I honestly found it pretty satisfying, and Brenner as a character still intrigues me for just how entrenched he is in believing he's in the right

uh...where is Owens? They just kind of...abandoned the whole military subplot for the final episode so I can only presume they'll be back next season?

The moment Jason appeared on screen I was like "oh god, he's really lost it now." Like you could very much see he'd just snapped completely

I will say it repeatedly, they can go fuck themselves for Eddie's death. Did I know it was probably coming? Yeah, I knew either way it probably wasn't going to be good given there was still a witch hunt out for him but jesus christ we need to stop this trend of introducing a character that's clearly going to be a fan favourite only to kill them off because they're too much of a coward to kill one of the actual mains and instead we must make them suffer adjacently. Needless to say I'll be going canon divergent on that aspect here

(The whole guitar scene was fucking sick though)

Don't get me wrong, I'm soft for Stancy but...idk, it just feels like it's being really shoehorned in this season, only for the heelface turn at the very end

Jonathan is a good big brother and I will die on this hell (also how fucking difficult was it to just have an actual coming out scene rather than constant alluding? like we all know it at this point)

Also fun that my thought of Henry being/controlling the mind flayer rather than the other way round turned out to be true, and that likewise he'd stick around for next season

I'm not gonna lie I...completely missed Jason's death? I was running on 23 hours awake at that point though. Seeing Lucas beat the shit out of him was very satisfying. More satisfying though was Erica beating up his attack dog friend though

jesus christ did they really need to pretzel max like i'm sorry it feels like a cop out max deserves better

You're telling me they decked themselves out with shotguns and shit to make spears and molotovs but no one thought to get THE GUY PLAYING BAIT some sort of body armour when we've literally just had Steve play chew toy? i'm sorry they are not that stupid

I fully refuse to believe that Dustin Henderson would leave Eddie's body in the Upside Down. He wouldn't. What's more, NANCY WHEELER sure as hell wouldn't, not after what happened with Barb

Are they just...not gonna tell us how Dmitri ended up? Like sure he escaped with them but like...he's still counted as a traitor, did he come to the US? Did he go back to try and get his family? Anything?

I also feel like the whole suggestion of a time skip to try and match the actors ages now...doesn't really work? Like it very much feels like something that needs to continue straight on from where it left off?

Anyway i'm still angy

[shadowsole]

I wasn't gonna go into it more because I don't really do that stuff here but I wanna talk more about Iron Widow since it's been a long time since I really got into a book that I read it on like less than 8 hours not including work and I have thoughts.

Some spoilers below

First of all it is so unapologetically feminist in just a way that feels incredibly real.

I am not well read, between time money and just having other hobbies I don't read books like I used too so maybe this is just something that's common these days but the stories I've read that deal with discrimination or anything similar never really catches the anger I think is common in these situations.

Wu Zetian is furious and she feels so real in every part of it. In a way that characters like say Katniss never true felt like for me.

It is also unapologetically Chinese, not that I expected anything different after binging all of Xiran Jay Zhao's videos a couple of months back.

I have a love of reading history from all around the world with a special interest in parts of Chinese history and it was a ball recognising the Chinese history references. Though I'm sure I missed many.

Also I had a great moment of this meme

But going Zhuge Liang?!

I don't think the dynasty warriors designs is what I should have been imagining the whole time though lol.

The imagery was also amazing. I usually struggle with properly picturing what's described in my head but there where so many moments that I just sat back and could see the full cinematic shots. God this book would legitimately make a wonderful movie and It really makes me want to jump into drawing with vibrant colour just to see some of it.

Another thing that was just refreshing was the love triangle being an actual triangle. Again maybe that's more common in media these days but I think it's actually the first time I've actually seen a polygamous relationship in published media. I love how all the parts of the relationship grow and the straight up conversations that are had between the characters about it. Triangles truely are the strongest shape.

Finally, I really liked the relationship between Zetian and her mother. The constant mental almost begging her mother to just give her a reason to not condemn her and the rest of the family. And because of the historical Wu Zetians seemingly positive relationship with her mother I was honestly expecting some kind of reconciliation or forgiveness.

So the ending with that last mental plea to prove herself a good mother, with just an almost emotionless "you're in my way" shocked me.

This actually really resonated with me and my own relationship with my mother

My circumstances are much more benign but I have issues with my mother that I'll never get an apology for that have weighed heavily on me. That last scene with Zetians family and her (by my reading) lack of anger or hatred and just cold this is in my way so I will put it behind me really made me stop for a second and think about my own mother. No more sorrow or anger, no forgiveness. This situation and history is in my way of being a better me and so I'm just going to step through it and put it behind me.

So @xiranjayzhao I don't know if you'll look at this post or read all the way through. But thank you for not giving up on getting published. Not only have you made an excellent piece of entertainment but I think it has actually helped me in my own issues so thank you, can't wait for part two

If anyone else has read down to this a, sorry, b, you should read Iron Widow if it sounds like it appeals to you. Although I don't think I actually mentioned the giant mechas at all, which is a pretty big thing.

Or at least check out Xiran Jay Zhao's YouTube. The history of Wu Zetian told like the juiciest gossip is fun and informative

[retphienix]

Alright, this is gonna be tough because I desperately want to say so much for the game's sake and my own, but it's just so much.

At least the playthrough as a whole exists to show a lot of those things, and there's no shame in some of the impacts the game had for myself going unsaid :)

LONG POST INCOMING, NO 'READ MORE' BECAUSE IT'S RELEVANT TO THE POST AND NOT AN AFTER-THOUGHT

CLICK 'J' ON YOUR KEYBOARD TO SKIP. (Sorry mobile users)

8:48 - Do you have any idea how good a step forward it felt to smash the repressing bulb?

9:50 - So I'll get ahead of myself because this fight shows a lot of the visuals that play into this: Something being the manifestation of guilt for Mari is so incredibly visualized.

Between the base 'Something' being extremely close to the shadow she cast and including the one visible eye that bore down on Sunny and Basil after the hanging, to the stairs incorporating into the design.

The seaweed and spider are more general anxieties though they do circle back to Mari since she saved Sunny, but those two forms don't feel as directly related as the stairs (heights) and base 'Something' forms and what they represent for his repressed guilt.

Could be wrong ;) Tell me what you saw in the forms of 'Something' if you'd like to expand on them :)

12:39 - Just to prove the point before you get to fully see the truth- Something morphs into the figure of Mari hanging. It doesn't fully demonstrate the "eye" aspect yet, but still I just wanted to say kudos on the way 'Something' is shown visually. Formless for a reason, and that form becomes more defined as you understand what it is, exceptional damn thing.

15:43 - Basil's part in all of this makes me so damn sad. Plenty to say later (obviously), but he harbors so much guilt, wants forgiveness so much, and is so (not shown yet) desperate to believe in Sunny's innocence while knowing but not comprehending the truth. The fact he harbors his own 'Something' due to the guilt of all this is heartbreaking, these kids endured a hell no one should. Losing someone so important to you and harboring the guilt and fault of it when nothing of the sort was intended. A childish fight with raised emotions got out of hand and all this came of it.

Hell.

16:30 - I absolutely adore how the photo album is used for this reveal.

Absolutely incredible execution that's specific to this story and its characters and makes piecing (literally) this together tense and grim.

22:27 - I NEVER SPOKE TO OR INTERACTED WITH THE THING IN THE CENTER OF THIS ROOM AND I'M A NORMAL AMOUNT OF UPSET ABOUT THAT >:( lol

29:41 - Okay.

So this reveal as a whole is so unbelievably well paced and incredibly hard hitting.

All game long there's a weight of having lost Mari. Repeatedly it's told that she killed herself and no one can understand why and everyone (MYSELF THE PLAYER INCLUDED) is looking for meaning in little moments, seeking out hints that maybe she was suffering or depressed or this or that.

And while that has gone on FOR THE ENTIRE GAME there has also been this uneasy weight surrounding Sunny/Omori. Visions of Mari twisted and deformed into phantoms of horror.

For the most part I assumed it was just him coping with having lost his sister and maybe a dialogue on how when she was alive he was in her shadow (in his mind) and now that she's gone he remains there?

That was the best I could figure, more or less. But it continued to seem more and more malicious in design and MUCH more 'heavy' in how it's presented as a shadow behind Omori/Sunny throughout his adventure and life.

The weight and 'overshadowed' looks of the scenes felt more and more foreboding and less like a simpler "I'm living in her shadow" story, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Then these pictures come out and piece things together.

The final result:

Sunny and Mari fighting. (Context appears to be his growing disdain towards playing. It's stated he loved playing, but it's also shown that he begins to dislike how much Mari is dragged away for classes and the like up to and including playing. So my read was that Sunny was upset that their fleeting time together was dedicated to the recital and broke his violin in an emotional blur and the fight occurred.

Alternatively it was accidentally broken and both of their emotions were running high as it happened)

Mari falling to her death.

Sunny and Basil carrying her upstairs and tending to her.

Sunny breaking down as it sinks in.

The visions having Basil say "It's going to be okay" by the bedside. (I perceive that as a memory of what Basil was saying as he tried to manage his emotions during the event)

Sunny and Basil carrying her back downstairs and to the backyard.

The makeshift noose.

And finally the sight that burned itself into Sunny's eyes of her hanging after it was all said and done.

Just holy shit to it all in how it's revealed and handled.

Stories have twists all the time, and I ain't gonna make some bold claim like "Most unpredictable!" "Best twist!" "What a twist!" or whatever, though that'd be funny.

I just want to say this twist worked BEFORE the reveal as a foreboding sense of unease and curiosity- it lent itself to intentionally vague and easily misconstrued explanations, basically- instead of it outright misleading you beyond the characters that believe the lie repeating the lie, it allowed you to mislead yourself.

It did the twist the right way! And well! YOU trick YOURSELF! The people repeating the lie are being lied to or have motivation to repeat the lie! The GAME isn't lying (as so many twists handle it) the game is giving the world reason to mislead and allowing you to be mislead!

Now am I yelling affirmations for the way things SHOULD ALWAYS BE! YES! BUT THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S NOT AS NORMAL AS IT SHOULD BE! lol

31:40 - All the "You will really miss them"s hurt :(

33:25 - Right out the gate, a spoiler for what isn't here:

I looked up the alternate endings of the neutral route and my heart hurts to know Sunny doesn't stick around and Basil dies :(

34:00 - BASIL BEING OVERWHELMED WITH DENIAL AND GUILT AS HE ATTEMPTS TO MENTALLY PROTECT HIS VIEW OF WHO HIS FRIEND IS BY INVENTING A SECOND PARTY THAT DID THIS IS SO FUCKING REAL AND AMAZINGLY DONE.

And it explains the name behind the 'Something'.

'Something' behind you did it. There's 'Something' behind you, isn't there.

'Something' all around us, that potentially being the truth comin' in.

When 'Something' ruined my photos, Basil repressing protecting Sunny by destroying the proof.

Just expertly done.

'Something' being repression of the memory and impending guilt. Dannnng.

36:26 - It's 24 hours after I beat the game as I type all this so here's a gag.

Here's the part where Basil beats some sense into his friend, because after this Sunny gets knocked out and wakes up 200% improved and ready to save Basil from his own guilt by releasing them both from the secret.

So basically Kel dragged us out of bed, then a couple days later Basil beats us up, and that's how Sunny gets better :^) Game Over.

38:46 - This fight made me feel utterly terrible, a highlight being the energy bar saying "Everything is going to be okay".

or at 40:17 - when Basil pokes out Sunny's eye and the screen does this? That's an underutilized but always awesome visual.

41:12 - I THOUGHT I WAS DEAD AT THIS POINT :)

Because just before entering Basil's home on this night you see his Grandma's ghost here. So seeing Sunny here told me "WELL. YOU FUCKED UP!"

42:25 - Like I said, beat some sense into Sunny.

Here's the mental side of things where Basil's beatin' told Sunny to go remember the good times and confront his inner self and I'm being partially facetious because there's plenty to say about what's coming up.

43:15 - Goosebumps every time due to the sincerity and hope of this.

43:40 - Hug for anyone needing that.

51:11 - I could cry again and I just might before this post is done being put together.

This accident was never meant to be.

55:09 - Timestamp is arbitrary, I won't go over every flashback but I do want to say what a beautiful way to use these photos. To relive the memories? To find the strength to overcome and all that? After all these years of suppressing memories? DANNNG I love this game.

1:04:09 - I stepped in poop.

1:04:15 - Barefooted.

1:04:22 - I embraced my failure.

1:12:00 - The violin.

1:13:00 - "The anxious feeling-" "They believed in you" "No matter what you didn't want to disappoint them" I'm filled with love and gonna cry about it.

1:14:00 - So an important theme in the game, as if it has just one, is Sunny suppressing emotions and demonizing himself.

Obviously the ending shows him breaking free from both but I think it's important as hell to look at how he builds up to being able to.

After all the dark moments show him as a bloodied monster, demonstrate a perceived lack of remorse for what he's done (as in he sees himself so poorly that he says "I must not have felt bad about it, I'm a monster", not that he actually doesn't feel bad about it, that he thinks he shouldn't because he's bad), have him stab dream Basil to protect his repression of the memory, the build up to breaking free from that is him remembering the good in him through the lens of his friends.

Both in the real world and in revisiting the memories within the photos.

He hears about the good in himself that he has pretended isn't there and finds the power to overcome this deadened shell he's made.

He learns how to forgive himself by finally remembering he's worthy of forgiveness and is more than his mistake, that even the person he grievously harmed would want him to forgive himself and would understand the mistake didn't define him.

1:15:15 - Just because you did something bad doesn't make you bad, to put it more eloquently than my rambles. He had to learn that.

1:19:20 - I've done this fight 4 times.

You may be wondering why 4 times, it ain't like I replayed the game a ton or anything.

The short of it is:

1) For the good ending :)

2) To see what happens if you go "up" in the hospital- it's a dead end- I assumed it'd be a bad ending. So I got the good ending again :)

3) For the bad ending.

4) FOR THE GOOD ENDING TO WIPE THE HORRIBLE FEELING IN THE PIT OF MY STOMACH AWAY FROM THE BAD ENDING :)

In doing so I did get one layer deeper on the BG of Omori in the fight, here it is:

And I learned on the fourth run that the fight is simpler than I gave it credit lol, Cherish refills your juice, so there is no reason to use Encore. You can get to the end (and deeper more easily) by just using the triple attack and Cherish and Calm down when necessary.

1:29:00 - A summary of the fight is that it's extremely impactful emotionally, but very obviously isn't a "Fun fight". It's great mechanically and story wise for what it's trying to do :)

I'll just say it here: I'm surprised there wasn't an end-game "Omori" fight, you know, in dream world? Because combat is SO good in this. I am lead to believe that the Omori route where you never go outside in the real world has more bosses and zones and would fill what I just implied I wanted- but you're also railroaded into the Neutral endings which are both sad :(

And honestly? That makes sense and I applaud the decision :) Embracing the fantasy world for more 'fights' isn't exactly the path to recovery. Also and I know someone will be bothered I say this because *I'm* bothered I'm saying this- it makes sense since a big predecessor did the same thing lol.

Undertale Genocide has new bosses and a harder end game challenge (Sans) while being the worse ending, while the good ending has a flashy and story/emotionally impactful final fight that isn't as challenging because challenge isn't the point of the morals being explored.

I just bring it up because it's interesting, has a parallel, and after fighting Omori 4 times I really REALLY wanted to do an end-game fight in Dream World.

1:30:00 - forgive me as I cry again. goosebumps and more.

OH NO~!

DRAT!

So I use a cheap video editor and I use the free format of it which limits to 720p and I didn't think twice of it.

I recorded at max, but downgraded after editing.

At 720p you can't see the detail that made me break down crying!

At 1:31:55 Sunny's eyes go wider as he sees Mari as they finally get to experience the duet in this dream state (White Egret Orchid, this is real and happening, I'm taking this to my grave :'( ) he sees her smile and that smile made me break down, but in the 720 it's blurry :(

That's on me, I could have posted the scene raw in HQ but I didn't know it'd compress just enough to be invisible :(

still. that duet scene can make me cry on command. just because of that alone, but also the entire thing.

1:33:42 - Sunny breaks from his shell and feels his emotions again.

1:37:07 - I wish every game would end with a mirror to see yourself.

The 'Despite everything, it's still you' vibe just cements all the growth and experiences that have happened as so much more real when that happens. Bonus points because mirrors in Omori are a time bomb where you can be reminded of the guilt following you- and this one is safe. This one is pure and clean. You did it.

1:37:50 - As I said earlier, going up does nothing. Dead end.

1:39:00 - I have to tell you something.

Simple ending. And yet slams me like two trucks. I'm so proud.

1:41:00 - Post credits scene.

This is so heartwarming and their smiles are the purest thing in the entire world.

1:42:50 - BAD ENDING RECORDING.

All I'll say on that is the bad ending made me feel terrible inside. Give up, live in your bubble, and subconsciously end it all so you never have to confront reality again.

My gut felt heavy to be honest.

And the fact that THAT is when Bo En Time is played is INCREDIBLE.

Having the sky shift like that gave goosebumps and cemented my dread.

Just seeing it now has me feeling very poorly.

Okay. Video done.

Now for general thoughts.

First off this White Space cycle has been going on for YEARS with Sunny only getting worse as he suppresses things more and more and the reason he found the strength to overcome is because of his friends and I'm gonna yell about it.

THE REASON SUNNY IS BREAKING FREE CAN BE DIRECTLY POINTED AT KEL THINKING "FUCK IT, I'M ABOUT TO LOSE A FRIEND, AND I DON'T WANT TO"

And I just think that is sweet as hell. The strength was inside himself, but the problem itself caused Sunny to demonize and not trust himself- he needed someone to break him free and help convince him that he's not irredeemable. And boom.

The way this game handles Denial and even gives it physical form with the 'Something's that both Sunny and Basil harbor is just awesome.

I touched on it but combat in Omori is very, very good.

I've said it here and there as I played and I feel like going at length in the finale post is pointless because this isn't a review but to put it concisely.

Types changing mid-combat, the character archetypes being so well defined, the follow up system, combat in Omori is some top notch turn based RPG stuff.

Like up there with the greats, the timeless masterpieces. This is GOOD fighting. So it was surprising the good ending didn't emphasize it- I explained why that makes sense, but even still! It'd probably be lesser for it (as explained previously) but it's interesting they practiced that restraint for the message they wanted to send.

Repeatin' that Mari's smile in the recital made me cry. Burned in my brain.

I'm still surprised I got the post credits scene because I DID water the plants a lot but when the game showed me them all dead I assumed that was the fail condition.

I genuinely do want to try the Omori route some time down the road. I hope I get around to it.

I am slightly dissuaded just because the Omori route only gets the neutral endings which are not Good To Be Blunt :(

But I want to see what dream content there is and I hear there are other bosses!

Other small bits from my notes:

Replacing denial (the black bulb) with hope (the white bulb) was good as heck.

The imagery of the 'Something' is so top notch- using the shadow of her body combined with the piercing gaze of her single eye- MY GOD.

The fragility of life being so present- between memories of near death experiences, to the way in which Mari dies, to the ease at which either Basil or Sunny can end the game. It's tense and heart-wrenching.

The way the 'Something' behind Sunny almost always shadows over him like an ever present weight.

Tearful, hopeful, pure, kids enduring a guilt metric tons heavier than their bodies could ever handle and finally, finally moving beyond it.

I said more in a personal post, and I'll reblog that.

Honestly, just timestamping through the video took it out of me and got the point across.

Omori is a wonderful game.

It's definitely a favorite for me, high up there on my list.

Between the themes, the gameplay, the humor, the ending.

This is a good one.

And now I get to end having experienced all the care and love in this title, that's such a sweet thing.

Now I know this finale post is a mess, illegible even. I have gotten sloppier as I've begun embracing just 'experiencing and rambling' and perhaps my formatting with change yet again until I find something more easily shared.

Despite that. I want to thank any who popped in on this playthrough.

This was a good one, a highlight of the blog for sure- and I'm always happy when I see some people enjoying the absolute mess I toss online when I do one of these :P

So thank you for your time, and thank you to any ridiculous enough to read my nonsense here.

Have a good one :)

And just as expected I feel I've said nothing and barely touched the surface as the post-game-head of mine does a poor job lol. Even still :P

[oneemotionalblender]

Natasha Romanoff x Reader - Ghost of You

Heyy guyys ! Well , here we go ....

Warnings : sadness , death , some no-no words , possibly Endgame spoilers

Yepp , this one's sad :(

Based on : Ghost of You by 5 Seconds of Summer

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All my life I have been asking myself one question . What is love ?

Is it a feeling of pure bliss ?

Is it just a chemical reaction ?

Is it something everyone will find ?

Should we even look for love ?

Or , is it something straight from fairytales for children ?

Is love only for children ?

I have settled on the last statement . Love is for children .

People fall in love , and then what ?

How do we know if it's really love ?

How do we know if it isn't only excitement , of something new ?

That's what I was asking myself .

Now I know what love is . Love is pain . Love is pure pain . You see , when you leave someone because they cheated on you ,it's easier because somewhere deep , deep inside you know they weren't worth it . Yes , you cry for some time but that's life . Eventually you can move on . Because you know if they really loved you , they would never do something to hurt you . They would try to do everything in their power to make you feel good , make you feel loved . Even if it meant let you go , because they know you deserve better , that you will be better .

But true pain ? True heartbreak ? Is when you lose someone . When life just decides to take them from you . That's true hurt . Because you know that you will never see them again . You will never be able to feel their touch again . Because everything will once fade away . Their smell on your sheets , the lipstic stains from their favorite mug , the books they loved to read , they will just sit there , as dust will settle on them , because you don't want to touch them . They are one of the things they touched the last . You imagine as their delicate fingers touched them . And you know you're not ready . To let them go . To move on . And maybe , you'll never be .

Love has this effect . Just pure pain . Because no one is here forever , and you know it . But you're still broken when it happens . Because the saddest thing is when you are feeling completely damaged , you look around and realize that there in no shoulder for you to cry on .

*Your POV*

Here I am waking up , still can't sleep on your side .

I fluttered my eyes open , streched my arms and sat on my bed . I looked at the untouched side . Her side . I felt tears forming in my tired eyes .

I made my way to the bathroom and looked at my reflection in the mirror .

Bloodshot , red eyes from crying . Check .

Hair in all the directions . Check .

Dark circles under my eyes from the lack of sleep . Check .

Face that looks like a it has survived the apocalypse . Check .

It's been two weeks since we saved the universe . Two weeks since we killed Thanos . Two weeks since Tony sacrificed himself . Two weeks since .... I lost her .

I laughed at myself . How come one person can make you so desperate ? I don't know , but she did . I tought about the day I met her .

What the hell does he want now ?!

Oh right , let me clear it up for you . My name is Y/N Y/L/N . I'm a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent . And I kind of have telekinesis powers too . I'm a level 8 agent , so I know pretty much about everything . Not like Fury , obviously . His secrets have secrets , for God's sake . And he's the person who called me right now . He didn't say anything . Just "Come to my office ." So that's where I'm going right now .

I open the door to see Fury , and a beautiful red-head , which I recognise as Natasha Romanoff , the famous Black Widow .

"You wanted to see me boss ?" I kept a straight face .

"Yes . Agent Y/L/N , you have made a lot of progress since you came here . I assume you know about the Avengers ." He looked at me . Where the hell is this even going ?

"Since you are an amazing spy-"

"Hold up , was that a compliment ?" I smirked and Fury sighed .

"I'm flattered , really." Heh

"Y/N , let me finish ."

"Ok , continue ."

"As I was saying , you are also very skilled at hand-to-hand combat ." I smirked again .

"This must be my lucky day." I said .

"Ok , sorry . Continue ."

"I am now offering you a spot on the team . The question is , are you ready for it ?" OMG OMG OMG

"I am boss . I won't let you down ."

"I know you won't , otherwise I wouldn't be giving you this offer . Romanoff will now escort you to your new home , the Avengers Tower ."

I sighed . That was a long time ago . Now everything is different .

I put on leggins and some random shirt . At this point I absolutely don't care how I look .

If I could dream long enough , you tell me I'll be just fine , I'll be just fine .

She would want me to move on . I know she would . But I don't know if I'll be able to do that . She was the one person in the world I would die for , and I know she would do the same for me . And she did . She did it for all of us .

"See you in a minute ."

A minute turned to an hour . An hour turned into a week . A week turned into a month . A minute became forever .

"Clint , where's Nat ." Steve asked and looked at Clint . I did the same . Big mistake . I saw his tears stained cheeks , red eyes and empty stare . He looked at me . No . No , no , no , no . This is wrong . This can't be true . I looked at the others . They figured out what is going on . Cap had tears in his eyes and Tony looked at the verge of crying too . I ran out of the room , tears blurred my vision . I opened the door to our room and colapsed on bed . I cried into her pillow . Why ? Why her ? It should have been me . And all of it for that goddamn glowing stone . It wasn't worth it . Where's the "We don't trade lives" now Cap , huh ? She promised me . She promised she would come back . It should have been me .

I wiped away the tears that stained my cheeks . It should have been me .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

I look around the kitchen . I see her favorite cup , her favorite fruit , her favorite kind of cereal . Everything is reminding me of her . I look at the seat beside me and for a brief moment I see her there . And everything is fine . But then I realize that it's only my imagination . That my dreams about me and her dancing are just my imagination .

So I drown it out

Like I always do

Dancing through our house

With the ghost of you

And I chase it down

With a shot of truth

That my feet don't dance

Like they did with you

"Hey Nat" I gently layed the blood red rose on her grave .

"I don't even know why I came here , talking to an empty grave , but look at me ." I chuckled .

"Anyways , Clint is sending you a hug . The kids miss their auntie Nat . And I miss my Nat too . God I miss you so much Natasha , you can't even imagine . If you were here you would laugh at me for being so pathetic . But you're not . You're not here and that fucking kills me . I don't know how I can live without you . I loved you so much Romanoff . God who am I kidding , I love you so much Romanoff . Why can't you come back to me ?! Why is the universe so cruel ? I just want you back . You should be right here next to me . Anyways , sorry I didn't came sooner . I couldn't bring myself to it . We lost Tony too um, but I guess you already know that . Cap is now officialy a fossil , you would be proud . We had a funeral for you , even tough you probably wouldn't want one . But you deserve it . It was nice , just us , the people you loved and the people that loved you . Because they did , they really did . I'm still crying every night and honestly , I'm used to it by now , even though you know how I hate crying . Well , I have a meeting with Fury , you know how those go . I should probably be on my way now . I will come here every friday ok ? I promise ." I have gently blew a kiss to the sky .

"Natasha , I just want you to know , that no matter what you say or think ,

You are a hero .

And you wiped that red away a long time ago . I'm gonna miss you , probably forever . I'm not sure if I can move on from you . You were the one , I know it now . And maybe , just maybe , when the time is right , I will see you again . Ok um , say hi to Tony from me , ok ? I love you ."

I gently laid my fingers on her grave . I sighed .

Maybe someday ....

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Well , that's it . Was it ok ? Idk

Thoughts ?

Love ya <3

[popliar]

Ateez in Seoul, 8 and 9 February 2020

Olympic Hall at Olympic Park

No one will believe this but I actually had my holiday with @flywithturtles planned before I knew the dates coincided with Ateez's Seoul concert dates. But it's true! I have the WhatsApp conversations to prove it!! Anyway I secured the tickets and all was well.

This is the first concert I've been to where they were handing out masks, making sure everyone had hand sanitizer and checking temperatures as you entered. Haha. Well they also checked our temperature going into the Line Friends store that day so, that's corona virus life. I was actually really worried the concerts would be cancelled, given so many other events have been, so it was a relief that it went ahead.

Structurally this is the same as the show I saw in August last year, after Wave/Illusion: starting hard with pirates, a lighter middle section, and a mythology-heavy last third. And then the encore which went for ages.

What's great to see is that the gaps and pacing downsides of the previous year have been corrected and improved. The pacing has been tightened up, the banter and ments flow much more smoothly and the show just feels very professional and well run.

Here's my post about last year's show: https://popliar.tumblr.com/post/187095347758/ateez-in-sydney-11-aug-2019

It's a shock to realise they've only been around one year four months but they were able to fill out a full 2.5 hour set, every song solid. And KQ spent proper money on this, the production was good - it's not like LAVISH but there were good stages and fancy screens and new VCRs and plenty of back up dancers, and it all worked well. There were maybe too many fireworks on the first night (I hate it when it obstructs the choreo) but they'd adjusted well on the second night.

Surprising but welcome - they had English subs for some of the ments. I don't think they were "live" subs because sometimes they'd get ahead of what the members were saying. But it was helpful. Even without them, body language and tone says a lot. Though I'm regretful that I don't understand Seonghwa's acrostic poems or all of their stupid jokes lol.

The show is called Fellowship and they leaned into it hard, asking Atiny to be part of their shared journey and to stick with them forever. It's a familiar refrain from other shows, but each time I find it both surprising and effective - this very overt, explicitly stated entreaty to be a fan, to enter into this imagined relationship, the appeal to reciprocity. "We've made you happy, make us happy too, be with us and we'll be with you."

But you can know a thing and it can still be effective. I did love the shows. I want them to be happy too!

A list of observations and random things:

Spoilers follow, I'd put it behind a cut but I can't figure out how on mobile haha

OK REALLY SPOILERS NOW

-first VCR to open the show expanded on the Treasure theme.

-Desire opens with blindfold choreo. Was this a gift for me? THANK U.

-for Lights, they had cute moments where they held up little speech bubbles over each others heads. They paired up with Hongjoong and Mingi, San and Wooyoung, Seonghwa and Yunho, and Yeosang and Jongho. Both nights, Woosan held hands. On the second night Yunho held Seonghwa's hand and Seonghwa was like a shy maiden. Mingi and Hongjoong had very strong flirty energy. Yeosang and Jongho are cute.

-the VCR in between part 1 pirates and part 2 fun boys showed what felt like a series of different dimensions? An ocean, a mountain, fields of flowers, cosmic surrealism, etc. As though each of them was alone somewhere in time and space.

-During If without you, they threw out balls to the crowd as gifts (mini riots ensued). Mingi put the empty basket on his head both nights, what a beautiful fool.

-Night 1 was the first time with the light stick! Hongjoong announced its official name: Lightiny (light of destiny) but also Tinybong lololol. The light stick is super pretty. I was tempted but didn't have time the first night. The second night it was sold out when I arrived!!!

-The VCR in between parts 2 and 3 is the really intriguing one. It paired them up into the Lights pairs again. Yeosang and Jongho searched for each other in a hall of billowing drapes. Mingi and Hongjoong were rockstars (with great lipstick). San and Wooyoung were mirrorverse versions of each other. Yunho and Seonghwa put together the pieces of a puzzle in a set that reminded me of both Treasure and Wonderland.

-In the intro to Say My Name on the first night, Hongjoong went halfway down the stairs then turned around, went back and grabbed his mic, then went down again lol. The second night he very firmly took his mic before descending the stairs lol.

-The final VCR before the encore showed them uncovering items on pedestals as though in a museum: a camera, a gramophone, a painting, a book of poetry by Yeats... Then they all created a painting together. When viewed through a red screen (like the puzzles in their albums) the pattern revealed a compass. They then all showed their wrists to reveal each had a compass tattoo.... WHAT IS THIS OT8 SOULMARK FIC!!!!!

-They said they had planned for every audience member to have this compass stamp (the Fellowship again) but it was cancelled due to health concerns. But we could see it with our true eyes, right???? On the second night, the 99s swarmed Seonghwa at this point to try to look down his shirt. I see. I see. (Later on Hongjoong also tried to peek into Mingi's shirt also fine just fine.)

-Early in the show Hongjoong said there would be clues through the show about the next steps in their concept/narrative. The hourglass and compass were very recurrent but these are not new. Hmm. I wonder.

-In one ment on night 1, Jongho spoke to all his hyungs informally and it was HILARIOUS. He did something similar on the second night, patting Yunho on the head and pinching Wooyoung's chin etc.

-During Star 1117 on the first night, Hongjoong and San started crying. Then in the following ment, they and Yunho and Wooyoung were crying, and Seonghwa and Jongho were teary. Yunho cried so hard (missing his grandfather!) that during Hongjoong's ment, Mingi quietly went over and gave him a towel. There were like five members in between that he passed to give him the towel, it was so sweet I'll cry. Night 2 felt more joyful and upbeat.

-Some ppl really left way too early like before the encore. The encore is half an hour long omg! You missed out on so many songs!!!!!

-On night 1 between main set and encore the crowd didn't quite know what to do. Huge kudos to the fans who led some cheers otherwise it would have been so quiet. Second night was better and also they kept the light sticks on while we were waiting which added to the atmosphere.

-They didn't sell a couple of sections in the hall at all, they were curtained off. It's interesting to think BTS had their first Muster here at around the same point in their careers. Like BTS, Ateez too are more popular globally than at home. They were beaten quite handily in voting on music shows by SF9 this comeback, who are more popular at home than internationally.

-It is great being in a huge fandom like BTS but also you know this is actually a great time to stan a group like Ateez. They're big enough to be exciting and have good shows, they are interesting and still developing, they're still playing intimate venues... They're good!!!!!

-A few of them had fake neck tattoos. San helpfully labeled himself "San" on the second night lol.

-Hongjoong briefly went off stage during sunrise On night 2. Hopefully just a technical issue.

-Treasure and Precious choreo start and end in the same place, echoing their musical connection.

-They had different encore outfits for Answer each night, before changing into hoodies. On night 2, Yeosang saw some of the others had scarves/banners tucked into their back pockets and was like "where's mine????" Instead of a banner, Yunho had a baseball cap. Seonghwa took his off and Hongjoong tied it around Seonghwa's wrist.

-For Star 1117, everyone held up their mobile phone lights. On night 2, San repeated the request in English too. Very pretty to see all the lights.

-On second night, Seonghwa and San got their mics and necklace tangled up during a ment lol.

Setlist:

(Intro)

Win

Horizon

Pirate King

(Introduction ment)

Medley: Twilight, Stay, My Way

Light

Mist

Desire

(VCR)

Illusion

Crescent

Wave

Sunrise

(Ment, lightstick announcement)

If without you

Aurora

Utopia

(VCR)

Say My Name

Dazzling Light

Hala Hala

Treasure

Precious

Wonderland

--

Encore:

(VCR)

Answer

(Ment)

Thank u

Star 1117

(Ment)

Promise

Dancing like butterfly wings

Setlist from: https://twitter.com/updateez/status/1226112679728812032?s=19

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Spoilers !!!! Stayed up so I could watch Charmed 02x01!!!! Spoilers

Non spoilers stuff first.

My reaction to pretty much the whole episode

Y'all!!!!!! Both good and bad! I was just super excited and glad for it to be back. And so shaken by all the changes and the mysteries!So in general I would give this episode 8/10. Only because I save my 9 and 10. But back to my normal format of these things. I'll start with 3 things I liked and 3 that I didnt although, I'd say it is less dislike and more on the fence.

SPOILERS AHEAD!!!!

1. Hacy moments

For real's though, Macy's internal Harry has my theorizing mind going off and I loved all the double meanings in thier interactions (macy and real harry too) I mean the" I am not leaving you" was nice, but Delirious-Macy-mind-Harry saying "i am different do you like it?" And Macy being all like "yes".

I mean okay various meanings here

1. Obviously it isn't really Harry so of course mind harry is different

2. Macy's perspection of Harry is changing (level of attraction to Harry is growing)

3.But --I am putting on my theorizing cap on--I feel like since the poison hit Macy but had her trying to go home then 1) mind Harry (maybe possibly evil twin Harry hmmm..) may be trying to seduce Macy to the dark side or to fully embrace her demon side since he keeps telling her to come home or 2) mind Harry is death since she was poisoned and her attempts at following the voice almost got her run over by a car. So coming home is like death saying come back since you were technically dead.

Maybe evil twin Harry, mind harry, or Death as Mind Harry has only taken Harry's form because it is the best way to get to Macy, meaning the internal attraction is already strong). So it is also an ominous "I am different" in that realm.

Who knows? I love the mystery though!

And of course while the poison siphoning scene and the "macy please" is going to drive all us Hacy fans crazy for a bit. My favorite bit of dialogue is actually the last bit before they enter the house. When Macy tells harry there is nothing here and Harry all sexy over the shoulder looks at her and says " are you sure?" . . .

DOUBLE MEANING!!!! At least I took it both as the house, but also at thier relationship. Anyways moving on.....

2. Mel! Mel is queen. I am just gonna say that one of the things I didn't appreciate about the OG was that all the ladies (including super witch Prue) complained about thier jobs and wanted to have some normalcy. And listen I sympathized when it came to thier romantic lives (although most of it was thier own faults), sometimes it was just like "you are literally saving peoples lives, I get needing some me time but can you not act so flippantly over literal life or death of another person". So I really appreciated that Mel was ready to step up and was already acting as a leader. I know people like to compare her to Prue and for sure she shares some qualities, but Mel really is her own creature and has more openly embraced witchcraft and not complained about it (so far) unlike all the OG ladies and her sisters.

3. No powers. Okay? One of the primary issues in season 1 was that the girls were kinda over powered. I felt it was mostly Macy, but arguably Mel and Maggie as well. So now as they have to work to get them back and possibly discover new types of magic or avenues for magic, I think there is room for growth and character development as well as world building that wasnt there before. At first I was like, oh heck no! And no fair Macy is the only one powered! and obviously with either her demon side and/or evil twin Harry trying to get at her (sisters as well) she is going to have another big storyline. I just hope (and I feel confident in hoping this time) that these storylines will connect meaningfully and not just last minute. It feels like they are on a new tract and I am digging it so far

Now on to my on the fence list . . .

1) Witchness Protection. I dont mind the premise actually and think it is really clever. I just dont know how I feel about leaving Hilltown. While Hilltown wasnt really developed much the university was nice and I am sad that Lucy wont be a part of the story anymore given that Maggie cant go back and they basically are super far from home if michigan was 5 hours away. At least they get to keep the house and I assume Harry gets to live there now, unless he move into the base.

2) the Seattle setting. I think that it very much harkens to OG (which was set in san. Fran.). So I was just on the fence on how it was obviously cutting more ties to the OG and yet incorporating others. I think the san fran setting worked because since it is a real place that most people can imagine without ever visiting you can have broad shots do relatively little work trying to establish the setting. Not that it is easy, but creating fictional towns requires more work to be good. You have to establish the towns character the residents and general layout or else it might as well be any town. So in some ways the seattle base and constant travel will be easier than developing a town which will leave some more time to character and lore building. I will probably end up liking it but just on the fence while watching.

3. Evil Assassin's orbing. So I dont know if anyone noticed but it seemed to be a combination of Harry's new orbing effect and the old Dark Lighters smokey effect (arguably parker's shadow demon effect) The center was the orangy (from my screen) orb effect that Harry had (I like it better than the swirling in and out of last season). So obviously leaves lots of questions, and I an looking forward to that, but on the fence because of . . . Reasons. I'll just tell you. While I like the new orb effect better than probably the OG and the first season of the reboot, changing the effects always kind of takes me a moment to get used to. And now that the evil assassin has it's own type of orbing it is just more orbing effects and my brain is gonna take a moment to catch up.

How did y'all feel about it though? My fellow Hacy fans did I miss something? Please let me know what yall took away from it!

New to my reviewish lists (appreciation bullets). Things that I appreciated even though they are either small or not elaborated fully.

Harry still likes a good party! Nice to see Harry while getting more serious slice of the pie than the first half of the season is still funny. And I liked that he liked parties

Demon/witch war. So I mean I listed all the wars a war was the most realistic and natural course in previous posts and I cant believe I missed the one they seem to be going with. Elders offered protection as a government with them gone and whitelighters gone (arguably the hands and feet of the elders) witches are vulnerable to attacks. I new they would be and that demons would attack as the government fell but I was mostly thinking organization wise. I didnt think about the obvious omg witches didnt just lose a governing body they lost the built in protection that body provided which again should have been a DUH! Thing to realize but I miss it.

So the start of a rivalmance between Maggie and Jordan....definitely different from Parker if that is the direction they are heading. I am a sucker for a rivalmance

Love Triangle between dark Harry, Macy, and Harry. . .I didnt know I needed it until now

Wizard of oz reference. Nuff said.