#no research was done in the making of this crackfic

[emmg]

I desperately need someone to write the dumbest smut-but-not-really crackfic of Rook x Emmrich x Lucanis trying to have a threesome and it’s a complete disaster:

-Rook has Emmrich wrapped around her finger. They’re in a disturbingly functional, happy relationship (what, communication? In this economy??)

-Rook convinces Emmrich that a threesome is a fantastic idea, not through seduction but via a magical PowerPoint presentation. She’s got charts. She’s done research. It’s basically an academic conference

-Her whole pitch? She knows what Lucanis likes. The dude’s got a type, and surprise: Emmrich fits the bill (as does she, if we’re being real). She probably has a venn diagram of their collective appeal. It’s disturbingly thorough

-They end up in Lucanis’ pantry-bedroom because someone (Rook) put him in charge of the location. There’s literally a wheel of cheddar next to his cot. There’s no bed

-Emmrich, the only adult in the room, takes one look and is like, “My darlings, we are not having sex next to gouda”

-Rook pulls out a bottle of wine like, “Oh it’s fine, I brought this! Let’s make it fancy.” Except, Rook and Lucanis get trashed within ten minutes. Like, not cute-drunk. We’re talking Lucanis-weeping-into-a-wheel-of-brie drunk

-Lucanis starts spiraling, pontificating about how he’s undeserving of love, of comfort, of anything that doesn’t involve stabbing people. It’s painfully awkward. A lot of “mierdas” are said

-Rook is obliterated and starts making the most cursed jokes at Emmrich. Something about necromancy as foreplay. “I can choke on your bone… literally.” Then she just starts climbing him like a tree, full-on koala mode, giggling like this is the funniest shit she’s ever said

-She calls him daddy. Emmrich is reminded of the age gap. Emmrich is not impressed

-Poor, sweet Emmrich, the bastion of patience, just sighs deeply, peels Rook off him, and tucks the two chaos goblins into bed

-Lucanis is passed out hugging a wedge of parmesan, Rook is snoring with a bottle still in hand, and Emmrich spends the rest of the night with a book, probably reevaluating all of his life choices.

[zeherili-ankhein]

Okay so we know by now that Nonnos' sole intention was to make Indians worship Dionysos, but according to him they already worshipped the other Greek Gods.

Aretos is seen worshipping Aphrodite for his marriage to his wife (forgot her name)

Gazos is a place which is considered "the steadfast fortress of Ares"

Groups of people "holding" Hysporos and Arsenie

Plus we can already see how some of the Indian characters have descended from the Greek Gods

Now we need to figure out what to do with these depictions.

😭😭😭😭😭😭 yaar Nonnos tumhara crackfic bhari pad rha hai

Idk.... Maybe some travellers or interracial (Greek x Indian) people worshipped them??

Or perhaps there were some people who were already influenced by the Greek culture and all...

The fortress of Ares could be dealt with by saying Ares was just a regular visitor over there so they gave him a place to stay- lmao idk

ACTUALLY the descendants one is a good one because idk we could call the characters Apollovanshi or Zeusvanshi or something...

No but won't that make sense?? To have Greek Gods descendant kids, cuz that's a pretty normal thing with the Hindu Gods too...

The only problem would be the worshipping thing... Nonnos should have done so much research... Smh smh

[bg-sparrow]

Introduction

Hi! I'm Erica (BG), and I write fan fiction! I've been writing fic since 2004, and you can find me on AO3 and FFN! As you might have gleaned, I predominantly write Back to the Future fanfic, but I have written for many fandoms over the years!

Side Blogs

This is my main blog, but I have side blogs, too.

@juneofdoom - an annual whump challenge I host because some friends were sad another whump challenge wasn't happening, so I made them a list. Obviously it snowballed.

@piratepianist - Moodboard blog. Colors make me happy, and I express that best through moodboards since I can't draw.

@nopinestimeline - a sideblog I made for my version of Evil!Marty

@bgsbracelets - Thanks to the #bttfbff friendship bracelet exchange, I've gotten so into bracelet making that I'm giving my creations their own sideblog while I set up an Etsy store. This is still very under construction, but if you want to see all the fun fandom bracelets I make, give me a follow!

The Heaviest Back to the Future Trilogy Test

The amount of knowledge I've compiled in researching BttF media for a trilogy rewrite is beyond extensive, and I decided to put some of it to use in this BttF quiz that is actually challenging compared to every other BttF quiz I've ever taken. Have a go! Good luck!

Back to the Future Fan Fiction

Series:

The Time Circuits Series - a trilogy rewrite featuring my OC, Emma Brown, as Doc's daughter and Marty's love interest. This sucker took nine years, but, five works and 273,000 words later, it's done!

Once Upon a Time in the West Series - my version of the "stuck in 1885" AU where Marty's depression and association with Buford Tannen are explored. This four-work saga clocks in at 64,000 words and is now complete.

The Boy Who Leapt Through Time Series - my ongoing McFly July drabble collection.

The Meta of Marty McFly - originally made for the June of Doom whump challenge, this series is an ongoing foray into the ridiculous world of self-insert where I brainstorm fic ideas/ vent at/ torment Marty in my imaginary, infinite office building. It's utter nonsense, and that's why I adore it.

Bhagavad Gita Duology - a history-heavy look at Doc's time on the Manhattan Project, the toll it takes on him, and the mysterious "friend" there at every turn. These two completed stories come in at just under 17,000 words, and they are 17,000 of some of my best, IMO.

BG's Back to the Future Drabbles

This AO3 collection houses all of my bite-sized BttF moments from various challenges on Tumblr and Discord.

The Boy Who Leapt Through Time - McFly July 2022

The Man from the Future - Doctober 2022

In a Kingdom Far, Far Away - Friendship February 2023

The Boy Who Leapt Through Time Again - McFly July 2023

The Boy Who Leapt Through Time Yet Again - McFly July 2021

The Man Who Traveled Time - Doctober 2023

Stand There and Bleed - Whumpril 2024

Multi-chapter

Let's Do the Time Warp Again - Marty's past self gets jumped by Biff's gang at the dance, and Marty has no choice but replace himself at the clocktower, creating a time loop.

Sons and Scientists - an AU in which Marty, stranded in 1940s and living with Doc in Los Alamos, gets drafted into service and there's nothing Doc can do about it. This one hurts, guys. I'm warning you.

By Accident or Design - my version of "the duel goes wrong." This one also hurts. A third and final chapter is being entertained but not certain at this time.

Pennies from Heaven - an Elf/BttF crackfic for Discord Secret Santa 2022. I'm not gonna lie, I had a blast with this, and I'm hella proud of how it turned out. Just go with it!

One Shots

A Fracture in the Space-time Continuum - a sickfic/ injury fic with so much Doc and Marty friendship it's a wonder it hasn't exploded yet. Also affectionately refered to as "Broken Leg Marty".

The Manner of Giving - a 5+1 fic in which Marty tries and fails five times to give Doc a gift (and one time he succeeds).

There's a Time and a Place - No Pine Marty's debut one shot, in which he tells the terrorists where to find Doc the night of the DeLorean Reveal.

Midnight Hour - No Pines Marty visits George in the dead of night to convince him to take Lorraine to the dance.

Stuck in the Stuck in 1885 AU - a silly meta glimpse in which two different Martys from two different “stuck in 1885” stories — daryfromthefuture’s “Until I Get Home” and BG Sparrow’s “Once Upon a Time in the West” — are locked in a room together by their authors to air their grievances. Art by Dary!

Survival is Insufficient

Time Trap

Crime Traveller

The Mystery of the Missing McFly

Roleplays with @daryfromthefuture

These beloved fics feature Dary as Marty and myself as Doc in wholesome, angsty friendship/ sick fics. :)

Lean on Me (When You're Not Strong) - The masterpiece that is Doc seeing Marty through scarlet fever in 1885.

I'll Be There For You (Like I've Been There Before) - Marty glitches, objects at Doc and Clara's wedding, and has a heart-to-heart with Doc about his fears for their future.

I'm Only Me When I'm With You - 1955 sickfic!

Collaborations

Friends Through Time(lines): Chapter 6 - Judge Doc Brown is on the verge of retirment when he meets the child genius renting his garage for the last eighteen months.

Stuck Through Time(lines): 1950s - some first-person Marty reflection on what he's going to do now that he's irrevocably stranded in 1955.

History's Gonna Change: Titanic - Doc and Marty somehow prevent a major historical event from happening and have to ensure it does. I picked the Titanic not sinking!

Back to the Future: Discord - a blind writing game irresponsibly played by the members of our Discord server.

Challenge Masterlists

McFly July 2023

McFly July 2021

Sicktember 2023

Doctober 2023

Comfortember 2023

Whumpril 2024

June of Doom 2024

McFly July 2024

August of Whump 2024 (The Blacklist)

Notable Works in Other Fandoms

Pirates of the Caribbean

Principles of Compromise - Rated T, 64K, drama, Sparrabeth

The Captain - Rated G, 8K, pre-canon Norribeth friendship fluff

Unprecedented Youth - Rated G, 10K, humor, found family

Iron Man (MCU)

These are all Pepperony (Tony/Pepper) and all rated T.

What to Expect When She's Expecting - 4K, pregnancy fic

Extra Dry, Extra Olive - 2K, Tony returns to the roof

For a Decade - 8K, drunken humor/ fluff

Of Toothpaste and Pancakes - 5K, food fight humor/ fluff

Star Wars (Sequel Trilogy)

A Mercy, Tolerant - Rated T, 1200 words, Reylo AU after TFA

Free Space - Rated T, 5K, Reylo bingo card drabbles

National Treasure - Another Clue (Riley/OC, sequel incomplete) Mary Poppins - Under the Weather (sickfic fluff) Jurassic World - Perignon & Paleobotany (pre-canon Claire/Owen) Copying Beethoven - Vibrations on the Air (Anna/Beethoven) Station Eleven - The Pursuit (Kirsten/Tyler) Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - As Promised (Major Character Death) The Blacklist - Somewhere Beyond the Sea (Keenler, Undercover Cruise Fic)

BONUS: Multi-Fandom - FFHQ (currently featuring Pirates of the Caribbean, Iron Man, BBC Sherlock, Game of Thrones, Doctor Who, and the Star Wars Sequel Trilogy)

A lot of my older/ other fandom fics on FFN are in the process of being edited for AO3 and will be posted here when that happens!

Thanks for stopping by! And don't be a stranger - feel free to reach out! Have an awesome day! :D

[stinastar]

20 questions for fic writers

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 101! Wow! Keep in mind many are short, and one is an even shorter poem about eggs 🥚

2. What’s your total A03 word count? 188,209

3. What fandoms do you write for? I honestly don't know how to answer this properly haha. I still have drafts or thoughts for fics for Good Omens, The Witcher, James Bond, and Our Flag Means Death. I'm currently mainly into writing Jason Todd (Red Hood / Batman).

I just looked in my folder and I also have notes for a piece each for Lord of the Rings and Shadow and Bone, but it's unlikely those will ever be finished and posted lol.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? Of Dragons and Heartbreak, we’ll rip up the map by the seams, Which Half?, Sweet Truth, The Dumb Brute and the Bardling. So all for The Witcher, unsurprisingly. I don't think this kind of metric means much, honestly. It just means it was a big popular fandom at the time, I was writing the most popular ship, and these had tropes people were after. I think, at least. I by no means think those are my best works, is all I'm saying.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Of course! I love love love getting comments and so make an effort to always reply to them. If I missed one I promise it was by accident!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I think that has to be you’ve got a second chance, you could go home. I'm still quite pleased with it. But people really wanted it fixed, so I did write a follow up :)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? I honestly don't know how to quantify that 😅 Maybe Fire Me Up? The fic as a whole is very soft and sappy.

8. Do you get hate on fics? No, not really. I had one nasty comment a few years back from a fan that clearly hated a character and wanted to make that my (and others') problem, lol, and have had a few iffy comments here and there, but.

9. Do you write smut? Not reallllly. But I used to only fade to black, and have started dabbling in writing sex scenes a bit, so we may get there. We'll see. I didn't think I would, lol.

10. Do you write crossovers? No (that one crackfic notwithstanding, lol), they don't really interest me.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? Not that I know of 🤞🏻

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not that I know of, but what an honour!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I don't think so, yet? I wrote a fic that went along with others, once, and I have a very neglected draft that I was working on with @ahh-fxck (sorry friend!), but I don't think I have a fic posted that I wrote with someone else...?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship? You want me to pick between my precious babies?? lol. I honestly really don't know that I have one.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? Pffft, sadly and honestly, so many.

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue comes quite easily for me, and I think I tend to do it well. The rest has been a WIP lol, but I think I've been improving!

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Everything else. Ha!! For real though. All the stuff in between dialogue lol. Longer stories. Patience (lack thereof). I'm getting tired because kiddo would not GTFTS, so apologies if I'm becoming less coherent...

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? Thoughts? I mean, I've done it, a tiny bit. I did a bit of researching as well as using online dictionaries etc, and I was lucky to find a native speaker to read things over and give their input before posting.

19. First fandom you wrote for? Good Omens. It honestly happened by accident.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written? Oooooh. Possibly Wintersong? I'm quite happy with it. What can I say, I love angst. That one isn't my most favourite kind, but I'm proud of it and love it.

Thank you for the tag @aniron48 💗 Tagging @major-trouble @cicerfics @brothebro @girls-and-honey @holycatsandrabbits and anyone who sees this and wants to tag on 😘

[jenatwork]

Richard and, hmmmmmmmmmmmmm "I wrote this instead of sleeping"

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm indeed! Taking this to mean, 'this is the crackfic I wrote while sleep-deprived', maybe... Maybe I would write the crackfic I briefly considered writing back when the anime was still airing and we'd just watched Richard tell Seigi his acting skills were because he came from the home of Shakespeare, inspired by something that happened to a friend of mine at uni.

Richard, a fresher at Cambridge and hoping to make new friends during Fresher's Week, decides to audition for the Amateur Dramatic Society - he likes Shakespeare, the society has prestige as the oldest AmDram society in the country, and he rather fancies pretending to be someone else for a couple of hours.

He researches the script they're planning to perform, turns up at the rehearsal place, and walks into the first room full of people. Someone asks him, "are you here for auditions?" and takes his name, telling him, "we're so happy to have you here, there's no pressure, everyone who auditions gets a part somewhere and then we treat you all to a drink in the pub afterwards!"

He makes polite conversations with a few other Freshers, until an older student announces they're ready to start. He listens attentively as the director talks about the show they're staging, and realises... He's at the wrong audition. He's accidentally walked into the Light Entertainment Society auditions for their Christmas panto. He doesn't particularly relish the idea of being in 'Dick Whittington', but if he leaves now he'll look rude. So he stays. Goes through with the audition as politely as he can. Finds himself laughing at the script. Tags along to the pub, where someone buys him a gin and tonic and talks at him about the society's escapades. Has a rather jolly evening, when all is said and done.

He misses the AmDram Society auditions. But a few days later, gets an email offering him the part of the pantomime dame. Which he performs, that December, to a crowd of tipsy students who cheer every time he walks on stage. He ends the show with his wig barely hanging on, his make-up smeared, and one fake boob somehow in Dick Whittington's pocket.

And that's the story of Richard's first and last time treading the boards as an actor.

[jayfeather323]

🧙‍♂️🪄✨✨✨ You’ve been visited by the Wip Wizard! If you feel comfortable, gush a little about the three wips you’re most excited to work on! Then send this to another inbox to keep the magic going!

Hi anon! I love sharing what I’m working on, it gives me some accountability lol.

1. Starving, Darling

This is a Rhys/Cassian/Azriel crackfic set when the batboys are still in Windhaven. This is such an indulgent fic for me and I love their dynamic so so much. The premise is basically that our dear Azriel is touch-starved and struggles with physical affection. Cass and Rhys are all too eager to help him out with this! I have a lot done for this but I’m trying to focus on finishing For Three Months, so aside from the little excerpt of it I posted, It won’t be posted for a little while.

2. For Three Months

For Three Months is a Feysand fic from Rhys’ pov set during the three months after they return from under the mountain and before he calls in the bargain. I thought it would be really interesting to see the dynamics between the Inner Circle after Rhys returns and the trauma and emotional turmoil Rhys is facing during that time. It’s pretty angsty as our favorite High Lord is dealing with a lot of self-doubt, regret, ptsd, and being separated from his mate whom he thinks hates him, and all the while he can feel her suffering through the bond. I have 4/5 chapters posted and the last one should be out by the end of this week! Poor Rhysie is losing his shit over Feyre’s engagement.

3. Fanart for The Other Side of the Apocolypse by TheLonelyBarricade and Separatist_Apologist

This is a watercolor painting based on this quote from the fic: “Poised every inch like a huntress of old, with her steady hands and fearless heart. She was the very thing they used to make religions about.” This one has taken me a very long time because I had to do a lot of research on bows, bow hunting, shooting, etc, and good reference images turned out to be rather hard to find and I ended up with around 2 dozen sketches before I even put it on watercolor paper. Then I ended up trashing the first version. On the bright side, version 2.0 I’m liking a lot more and is about half way finished. I’m a huge perfectionist when it comes to my art, and I’ve had a busy summer, but I’m really excited to post it as soon as I can!

[seoafin]

just wanted to come say that you genuinely are one of the best jjk writers overall, your characterization is always well done and on point, for being a gojo disliker almost no one gets him like you do. You clearly know about japanese culture and customs, but you don't incessantly make references of such nor are you over the top, your mc is truly one of my favorites not just in jjk but in all /reader fics, I really don't know how to express how much i appreciate her, I really, really like her. and, of course, your concepts and narrative are amazingly done. you deserve all the praise you get.

Mostly sent this because i was reading a jjk fic, and it had like, 3 times in a chapter where the 'caught in 4k' joke was made, and I just couldn't possibly imagine the characters having thoughts about such western memes. It had even more stuff like that and got me thinking if it was a crackfic but no, it was not. but the writing was not bad, it really wasn't, the story was solid, but there was so much stuff I just don't think works in japan (petnames for example) so I kept thinking about you and how much I like your writing

STOP IM BLUSHINGGGGGGGGG

let me go off on a tangent abt this below:

i have so so so so soooooo much respect for the writers who can ground their works in japanese cultural knowledge respectfully. they restore my faith in fandom every single day. obviously, all my mcs are culturally japanese which i hope is clearly portrayed in my writing but also i think in terms of that my writing is bit more of a middle ground. like i do have a lot of translation woes (i write a lot of dialogue in japanese) and i do grapple with how i can culturally translate some things in my writing for instance keigo and honorifics (which i do keep in my writing. it's the early 2012 ff.net/quotev in me im sorry).

i think a lot of this also comes into play with the arranged marriage trope which i know is a very popular gojo trope, in which the mc typically comes from a traditional japanese patriarchal family which more often than not, is abusive. for me personally...it's either a hit or a miss. there's nothing wrong with it!!!! (unless it's blatantly offensive and just. a plain bad portrayal.) it's just personally i've experienced so much of the sensitive topics being written about in my own life from from misogynistic patriarchal family members in korea who were directly affected by the jpn occupation so a lot of it just makes me uncomfortable lol like i said it's usually either a hit or a miss bc some writers 1) don't do research 2) draw from offensive insensitive assumptions which is blatant in their writing. so. yeah. fenwfjkwenf

don't get me wrong though! i do think there is a way to make one's writing more...compatible(??) for a western audience that isn't just straight up a western portrayal of japanese characters in tokyo, I think things like memes and character quirks/sayings can be translated for a western audience really thoughtfully, I just think (personally) it's difficult to get a good grasp on the balance between two cultures so I just take the middle ground which I hope makes it a bit easier for ppl to be introduced to a way of living they may not be familiar with!

[dgaftilwedie]

procrastinating on my la squadra afterlife fic to answers these (it should be up later tonight or tmrw depending on if my brain stops having writer's block)

"It was a tight, almost suffocating hug, and it showed every piece of despair and grief that Risotto had to swallow down in the past week."

risotto's.................. i like diving deep into his fucked up little brain and trying to figure out what he WOULD be feeling if he showed it

guhhhh i mean . it's gettting doen....... im feeling very not good about it and i think that's because i have like an audience of people who really want this specific fic and i dont wanna disappoint them LMFAO

i have a creepypasta oc but i haven;t actually written them. a creepypasta. whoops

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” He whispers into your ear. (this is ghiaccio smut) (teehee) (it'll be up on my ao3 soon)

it's literally just risotto's name LMFAOAOAO

when im drafting, i usually just leave it in arial but sometimes i'll spice things up with the loml comic sans

most of my fics are oneshots so i feel like they don't really need a second part

uhmmmmm i think it took me like half an hour?? isn't wasn't really a fic, it was headcanons, but i wrote a lot

THERE IS A FIC IN MY DRAFTS THAT I STOPPED WRITING IN DECEMBER OF LAST YEAR AND I DON;T THINK IM EVER GOING TO FINISH IT EVER

i wanna finish my actual novel LMFAO she's not doing to hot rn

rivals to disgustingly sloppy hate sex to friends with benefits that are secretly in love but bully each other in front of everyone who knows them

i wanna get back into writing for danganronpa :(

99% of the time it just pops into my head when im doing something unrelated and i start tweakin mcgeekin over it

i really like writing when it's like. sorta cloudy but cloudy enough with the sun and it's nice and cool like. typical autumn whether, fall really gets me in the mood to write

my chair in the corner of my bedroom :3

i write a whole bunch of bullshit and when it starts to sound funky, i read it out loud to myself from start to finish and i correct any grammar/spelling issues or anything that sounds funky. i do that a whole bunch until im done and then i give it a quick once over with the google docs spelling/grammar corrector thing (which is actual ass btw but it catches most of the shit that i miss)

i don't keep them LMFAO

i did like three hours of research on lsd once for a crackfic

i've been publishing fanfiction since like 2017 i think

uhmmmm august 8 so like 5 days ago??

sometimes. that's kinda what im going thru rn LMFAO i just keep telling myself that nothing anyone posts online is ever going to be perfect. i just cross my fingers and hope that my writing sounds better than what i think it does.

too detail oriented

i just. kinda. give up for a little bit. let my brain stew. i'll read other people's fanfictions and usually that gives me the motivation i need to finish mine

i make music n blog but i don't really do much :P trying to get more into drawing

sometimes but i usually have to have my earbuds i if there are people around me. and i can't write if they're watching me

either descriptions or dialogue. i LOVE descriptions

the inability to write. the brain farting. the writer's block. god kill me

it's like a 50/50 shot, most of the time it's just a song lyric that i think fits whatever im writing but most of my fics don't even have titles

most of the fics i'm super proud of are one's that i've written for myself LMFAO i should post some of them but they're so embarrassingly self-indulgent

✍️ more fic writer asks!

reblog & your followers can send asks with the questions they’d like you to answer!

the last sentence you wrote

a character whose POV you’re currently exploring

how you feel about your current WIP

a story idea you haven’t written yet

first sentence of the fifth paragraph of an unpublished WIP

the word that appears the most in your current draft (wordcounter.net can tell you)

your preferred writing fonts

if you had to write a sequel to a fic, you’d write one for…

start to finish, how long did it take you to write the last fic you posted?

what is the longest amount of time you’ve let a draft rest before you finished it?

a WIP you’d like to finish someday

a trope you’re really into right now

a fandom you’re thinking about writing for

where do you get your inspiration?

favorite weather for writing

favorite place to write

talk about your writing and editing process

if you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic

the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

in what year did you publish your first fic?

when did you publish your most recent fic?

do you ever worry about public reaction to what you’re writing? how do you get past that?

pick three keywords that describe your writing

how do you recharge when you’re not feeling creative?

besides writing, what are your other hobbies?

are you able to write with other people around?

your favorite part of the writing process

your least favorite part of the writing process

how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

share a fic you’re especially proud of

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Brooklyn 99 AU? If you haven’t seen that, just think like an Office or Parks and Rec-esque work sitcom

“Make Terry do it,” Santiago whispered.  “He’s good at babysitting.”

“Make Terry do what?”  Jeffords looked up from his yogurt, expression concerned.

The informal conference in the precinct break room exchanged a glance.

“We may have arrested a few underage tourists from out of town,” Peralta said.  “They may or may not have been drunk, but, uh...”

Peralta glanced at Boyle.  “But we left them unsupervised in the back of the police van for, like, two minutes,” Boyle explained quickly.  “So by the time we got the breathalyzer working, they were all sober.”

“They all puked?” Scully asked, appalled.

Santiago shook her head sadly.  “They all morphed.”

“Wait.  You mean...”  Jeffords craned his neck to look out across the main room.  He caught a glimpse of the group of kids currently sitting in the Nine-Nine’s holding cell, and his expression went slack in horror.  “No.  No.  No, Terry has not had nearly enough low-fat peach-mango yogurt to deal with this today.”

“They’re famous!”  Peralta made jazz hands at the rest of the squad.  “That’s kind of cool, right?  That Marco kid’s a movie star, Tobias definitely counts as a cryptid, and... the others... do stuff...”

“Yeah.”  Santiago crossed her arms.  “They kill people.”

“There was a war on!” Peralta protested.  “Aliens invaded, Boyle’s mom got possessed by a scary slug thing and tried to kill me —”

“She said she was sorry for mistaking the Sharing for a ferret-themed lomage fanclub,” Boyle said.

“Yeah, no, anyone could make that mistake.”  Peralta pivoted back to Santiago.  “The point is, they killed people as part of a war.  And that, like, doesn’t count or something.”

“What’d they do?” Jeffords asked.

"It was only a few murders,” Boyle said.

“Today!”  Jeffords gestured to the front room, where the delinquents in question were clearly sitting in their holding cell.  “Why’d we arrest them?”

Santiago pulled out her phone, calling up the relevant statement.  “They’re claiming they were provoked when, quote, ‘Some guy wolf-whistled Cassie, and then that guy’s biker gang objected to Rachel’s attempts to rip his arms off and feed them to him, and really it was their fault all along.’”  She looked up.  “Signed Jake Berenson.  Which begs the question: did we get ID from any of them?”

“They all morphed,” Boyle pointed out.  “Who else could it possibly be?”

“So that explains the entire cell’s worth of muscular guys with mild-to-moderate grizzly bear wounds downstairs,” Scully said, staring upward in wonder.

“That’s it, we’re all babysitting them,” Jeffords declared.  “And by that, I mean that we’re getting them out of our hair as fast as we legally can, whether or not we charge them with anything in the process.”

“Agreed,” Santiago said, shoving open the door to the main room.

The scene in the holding cell was... not pandemonium.  Jake and Cassie were sitting on the bench at the back of the cell, Cassie’s head leaning on Jake’s shoulder.  Rachel leaned against the bars, picking at her nails.  Tobias sat on the crossbar next to her, preening.  All in all, the kids seemed to be cooperating, which was a mercy.  It wasn’t like the Nine-Nine had the budget for even one-tenth of the equipment necessary to actually contain an Animorph, after all.

Still, it was probably for the best that some wise soul had moved all the other prisoners downstairs.

“...and you can conceal up to 15 knives in the interior pockets alone,” Diaz was telling Marco.  He watched with rapt fascination, leaning over her desk, as she unfolded a butterfly knife one-handed and then swung it closed again.

“Rosa, did you let him out of the cell?” Santiago asked, exasperated.

“Nope.”  Diaz shrugged.  “Must’ve broken out on his own.”

“He didn’t break anything,” Jake called from inside the cell.  “Marco has not damaged or defaced any government property, nor have any of the rest of us.”

“And yet somehow, there are not one but two delinquents meandering unrestrained around my precinct.”  Holt had emerged from his office, and was now looking slowly from Marco to Ax.

“Yeeeaaah, he’s not technically under arrest.”  Peralta jerked his chin at Ax.  “Seeing as he’s not from Earth, we probably can’t arrest him?  And even if we can, it definitely wouldn’t be worth the headache of trying to charge him with anything in intergalactic courts.”

“If you’re not under arrest, you may leave,” Holt told Ax sternly.

Ax straightened up from where he had been eating... something... off the floor of the microwave.  “I am not going anywhere without my friends!”

“That’s so beautiful.”  Boyle swooned against the door frame.  “It’s like you share a six-way love whose unmatched intensity pours out of you...”

“Not in front of the kids, Charles,” Peralta said.

“What?  I was just—”

“If you’re allowed to leave, could you at least go get us some hot dogs or something?” Rachel asked Ax, ignoring the cops.

“Nah, hot dogs are a Chicago thing,” Jake pointed out.  “Go for knishes, or pizza, or... what else is in New York?”

“Those little paper packets of honey-roasted peanuts,” Cassie suggested.

Everyone glanced over when there was a loud thud from across the room, and then back to the conversation when they realized it was just Marco trying, and failing, to get one of Diaz’s knives to stick in the surface of her desk.

«Tacos.»  Tobias looked unerringly at Scully.  «There has to be a taco truck around here somewhere, right?»

“Don’t you worry.”  Scully pulled his partner to his feet, gasping at the effort of unsticking Hitchcock from his comfortable chair.  “Me and Hitchcock’ll show him all the best food trucks in Brooklyn.”

“How many — any — are there?” Ax asked eagerly.

“Two hundred seven, if you don’t count pushcarts or ice cream vendors,” Hitchcock said immediately.

“We shall return with a bounty as great as three sets of human arms can bear,” Ax promised Rachel.

She flashed him a thumbs-up.

“Hot wings!” Cassie called.  “That’s a New York thing, right?  Hot wings?”

“Have we got a sauce for you,” Scully promised, a hand on Ax’s shoulder.

Jeffords ran to intercept them at the door.�� “You can’t just wander in and out of the precinct with suspects, Scully!”

«If you don’t like Ax coming and going, you could always just arrest him,» Tobias said acidly.

There was a long silence.  During this silence, Ax slipped out the door with Hitchcock and Scully behind him.

“Kids these days and their attitudes,” Jeffords complained, spinning around too late to intercept Ax and then turning back to give Tobias his sternest stare.  “I should speak to your parents or guardians, young man.”

Tobias laughed.  «Joke’s on you, since I don’t have any parents or guardians.»

“What?”  Jeffords ran forward to press himself against the bars, appalled.  “Do you want to come home with me?  Cagney and Lacey keep telling me they want an older brother, and Sharon makes excellent chicken cacciatore — you don’t have any food allergies, do you?”

“He’s ours and you can’t have him,” Rachel snapped, standing up to get in Jeffords’s face.  She didn’t seem to care much that she had to tilt her head back at a 45-degree angle to make eye contact, and somehow succeeded in conveying that she was looking down at him.

“Duuuuuuude!” Marco exclaimed loudly from across the room.  “You really mean it?”

“Sure.”  Diaz rested a hand on the hatchet that lay across her desk.  “I teach people how to throw ‘em all the time.”

“Marco!”  Rachel turned away to whack on the bars.  “Quit fraternizing with the enemy.”

Peralta gasped loudly.  “We’re the enemy?” he asked in delight.  “Are we your nemeses?  Does this mean that we’re as scary as the Yeerk Empire?”

“Why?”  Jake stood up, making eye contact through the bars.  “Do you want to be?  Are you saying that you’re controllers?”  He took a step forward, not breaking his stare.  “Or was that just an expression of sympathy for their cause?”

“Uh.”  Peralta laughed nervously.  He’d taken several steps back in the last few seconds.  “You know what, never mind.  We’re cool, right?  Alllllll cool.  Super cool.  The coolest.”

“That’s easy to say for someone currently holding us against our will.”  Jake still sounded unamused.  “We have complied fully with your demands up until now, and will continue to do so unless you give us a reason not to.”

“Are you threatening my detective?” Holt asked, very mildly.

“Are you charging me with additional crimes?”  Jake’s voice wasn’t mild at all.

“Have I mentioned that I’m a big fan of you guys’s work?” Peralta asked, making a grand gesture to include all of the Animorphs.  “Because I’m thinking maybe that didn’t come through.  Huge fan.  Love the way you squash those yeerks.  It’s a delight having you here.”

“Of course we’ll go along with whatever you think is best, Officers.”  Jake sat back down.  He had yet to look away from Peralta.

“Amy I think I changed my mind about having kids,” Perlata said all in one breath, smiling and nodding as he continued to back away from the cell.

“No, chicks dig hatchets,” Diaz was explaining to Marco.  “Guys tend to get all weird about it if you start flinging weaponry around.”

“Oh yeah, that makes sense.”  He was still hanging on her every word.

“The trick with guys is to pull out a little bit of that feelings shit.”  Seeing the expression on his face, she shook her head.  “You don’t have to go full-hog and reveal your real name on the first date or anything.”

Marco laughed.  “Oh good.  Because I am not looking for that kind of commitment.  I usually don’t want any commitment to anyone, ever.”

“Good policy.”  Diaz clapped him on the arm.  “Nah, with dudes it only takes a little bit of sappy stuff.  I’m talking a moderate-tier confession, like...”  She considered for a second.  “I keep one of my knives hidden in my boot, and it doesn’t set off metal detectors when I gotta work government buildings.”

“Uh-huh.”  Marco bent over the sheet of paper on his lap, scribbling frantically.

“Are you taking notes?” Rachel called, disgusted.

“More importantly, is he taking notes on the back of his own arrest form?”  Santiago rushed across the room to rescue the rest of the paperwork from Marco’s defacing.

“Nah, it’s cool.”  Diaz held up the back side of Marco’s paper.  “It’s just the arrest sheet where Peralta made four attempts to spell ‘Aximili’ before declaring that we probably couldn’t arrest an alien anyway.”

“Those two events were entirely unrelated!” Peralta said loudly.

“Of course, we all believe you.”  Santiago leaned over to pat him on the arm.

“If they can’t arrest Ax, can they arrest you?” Cassie asked Tobias.

He shrugged, or at least it looked like that’s what he did.  «They still haven’t processed me, so I suspect not.»

“We are going to process you,” Boyle said, “just as soon as we figure out how to scan your fingerprints.”

«But I’m not under arrest yet, am I?»

“Aren’t you guys legally required to release him, then?”  Cassie turned back to the room at large.

“We can hang on to all of you for twenty-four hours,” Santiago called back.

“The question is,” Peralta muttered, “do we want to?”

“I’m gonna keep this one around to bring me iced coffees and gas up my motorcycle.”  Diaz was watching Marco polish one of her axes.  “For a kid, he’s pretty dope.”

Marco gasped, a hand over his heart.  “You don’t mean it!”

She held up a finger.  “Too sappy.”

“I have a hatchet?”  He held it up in offering.

“Better.”

“Speaking of our legal rights,” Rachel said, “can I call my mom?  She’s a lawyer, after all.”

“Yeah, well my mom’s a teacher,” Peralta said immediately.  “And you don’t hear me bragging about it.”

“That’s not the point.”  Santiago sighed loudly.

“The point is,” Holt interjected, “she asked for a lawyer, and we need to provide her with one.”

«Can your mom be my lawyer too?» Tobias asked.

Rachel shrugged.  “Sure.  I think.  Jake already took his phone call, and Cassie wasted hers on checking in at the hospital—”

“I just wanted to be sure that we didn’t permanently injure that man,” Cassie said mildly.  “Only showed him the error of his ways.”

“You did that, all right,” Diaz said.  “I like your style, for what it’s worth.”

Rachel rolled her eyes.

“I like your style,” Marco breathed, staring up at Diaz.  “Teach me everything.”

“You want to be a cop?” Cassie asked him.

“What?  No!”  Marco turned quickly to Diaz.  “No offense, it’s nothing personal, they don’t mean it, but also...”

“Nah, it’s cool.  You’re a smart kid,” Diaz said.  “Cops are losers.”

“Excuse you,” Santiago said, “Could a loser win both the ‘Most Organized Seminar’ and ‘Highly Relevant Community Announcements’ awards from the same commissioner in one year?”  She gestured pointedly to a matching set of plaques on her desk.  “Checkmate.”

“I have brought a bounty of wings!” Ax declared.  At least, it was presumably Ax speaking from behind the teetering stack of take-out boxes that went clear over his head and somehow didn’t include the four additional plastic bags of Chinese food hanging off his arms.

«Ax-Man, you are a god among insects,» Tobias said.

“Not on top of the binders!”  Santiago lunged to shield them with a drawer before Ax’s tower of food boxes could topple onto the front desk.

“Can I have some?” Peralta asked wistfully, watching as Ax slotted an entire pizza box through the bars to where Jake and Cassie could pry it open.

“Here Jakey, we got you a tub of Wing Slut sauce.”  Scully set it reverently on Peralta’s desk.

“Really, you shouldn’t have.”  Peralta scooted his chair back several inches, eyeing the tub with suspicion.

As the better part of the Nine-Nine watched in horrified fascination, Tobias tossed his head back and swallowed a Buffalo wing whole.  After a second he made a hacking sound and spit up the bone, now completely cleaned of all meat.

“You eat wings?” Boyle asked, leaning in to peer through the bars.  “Is that cannibalism?”

“It’s an open question,” Cassie said.  She folded a paper plate taco-style to protect the lo mein inside, sliding it out to Ax.  “Can you make sure Marco eats something with lots of carbs before he goes hatchet throwing?”

Ax took the plate, saluting her with his free hand.  “The sauce is most excellent, sell-lent, when consumed through a straw,” he told Peralta in a conspiratorial whisper as he went by.

Peralta pushed to his feet.  “Yep, I am never having kids, and I am never eating food ever again.”

“Human bodies do not continue living if you do not consume sufficient nutrients.”  Ax pointedly set the lo mein in front of Marco.

“Ha!” Peralta said.  “That’s what everyone said about drinking water, and yet!”

Marco grabbed a handful of noodles straight off the plate and dropped them in his mouth.  “The bagels might be better here, but you can’t beat California’s Chinese takeout,” he concluded after chewing for several seconds.  “Sorry,” he added, glancing up at Diaz.

“If you suck up any harder, you’re going to injure something,” Rachel snarked.

“Why, are you jealous?”  Marco batted his eyelashes at her.

“No, she just remembers that we’re all under arrest right now,” Jake said loudly.  “And that we’re under no obligation to say or do anything without a lawyer.”

“Which is why I’m here.  To ensure you do not talk yourself into any more trouble than you already have.”

Everyone turned to look at the newcomer.

“Hi Aunt Naomi,” Jake said, voice small.

Rachel rounded on him.  “You used your phone call to contact my mom?”

Jake held up both hands.  “I didn’t say anything about the alcohol!”

“Alleged alcohol,” Naomi said loudly.  “Which these minors have not admitted to purchasing or consuming, because they have not made any statement admissible in a court of law, because you have been holding them all here illegally without an advocate.”

“Ma’am, I think you’ll find that we made every effort to secure advocacy and legal representation for these children with all due haste.”  Holt moved smoothly across the room to shake her hand, and then ushered her into a chair.  “Detective Peralta deemed it necessary to hold them here for their own safety until such time as we could obtain statements from everyone involved.”

“Has anyone pressed charges yet?”  Naomi sat in the folding chair like a queen on a throne, and glared at Holt until he — with a wincing glance at the dust on the seat — sat across from her.

“No, ma’am.  The only person likely to do so is still at the hospital,” Holt explained.

“Oh yeah, he said he wasn’t going to,” Cassie called over.

“What,” Peralta said, laughing.  “You just called him on the phone and talked him out of it?  Just like that?”

Cassie shrugged.  “I asked nicely.”

“It’s Cassie,” Marco told Diaz in a stage-whisper.  “She does stuff like that.”

“Hardcore.”  Diaz looked Cassie over.

“But I’m still more hardcore than her, right?”

“Too desperate.”

“I have four knives?”

“Better.  Only four?”

“Where else am I gonna put them?  I can’t morph and wear a leather coat at the same time.”

“Point.”

“If they’re not being charged with anything,” Naomi said overtop all of this, “and they’ve already given their statements, then you need to release them from custody.”

“I’m not comfortable doing that if we’re not releasing them into the hands of a parent or legal guardian,” Holt said.  “I’m given to understand from their earlier statements that Jake is your nephew and Rachel is your daughter?”

Naomi nodded.

“Then I can only release those two to you.”  Holt seemed genuinely regretful that this was the case.  Then again, it was Holt, so it was hard to tell for sure.

«Look, if Jake can go with his aunt, I can go with my uncle, right?» Tobias said.

“Yes, that would be acceptable,” Holt said.

“Thank you, human captain.”  Ax gave a small bow to Holt.  “I accept this responsibility.”

“Wait, wait.”  Santiago looked Ax over.  “No, we’re not going to just... How old are you, anyway?”

“I am eight-six years old,” Ax announced.

“Eighty-six,” she repeated.

Ax stared back at her, implacable.

Holt sighed.  “Obviously, he is referencing the fact that andalite years are approximately point-two-four-one-zero-nine times the length of human years.  However, since the law does not specify whose years one must count in order to determine whether an individual is over the age of eighteen, I believe I take his point.”

“Does this mean I’m eighty-six too?” Marco asked quickly.

“Were you born on Earth?”  Santiago raised her eyebrows at him.

“Uh.”  He glanced at Diaz.  “Wouldn’t you like to know!”

Diaz gave him a subtle fist-bump.

“My son is not an adult, nor does he mean to indicate that he wishes to be charged as an adult,” Naomi said quickly.

“‘Son’?” Marco squeaked.

“‘Son’?” Holt asked, frowning.

“Yes?”  Peralta stuck his head up, took stock of the scene, and quickly sat back down.

“Son.”  Naomi stared straight at Holt.  “In fact, I will be taking all four of my children, both adoptive and biological, when I leave here today.”

“You adopted me?” Marco demanded.  “Do I get a say in this?”

“Do you have proof to back up your assertion that you are these children’s mother?”  Holt hadn’t broken Naomi’s stare either.

“The way I see it, you have two choices.”  Naomi reached into her purse, pulling out one of her own business cards and setting it on the desk between them.  “Either you allow us to walk out of here, in which case I promise you’ll never see any of us again... Or you continue to hold these minors without formal charges and without counsel, in which case I promise to pursue legal action against whatever stray bricks of this precinct are left standing after my daughter and her friends exercise their legal right to exit the building with as much force as they deem necessary.  Which option would you prefer?”

“See?” Jake whispered loudly to Rachel.  “I knew I made the right call by calling your mom.”

“I take your point,” Holt said, after a moment of consideration.  “Very well, you and your children may leave.  Do keep them out of trouble in the future, won’t you?”

“Thank you for your cooperation, Captain Holt.”  Naomi shook his hand.

Boyle was quickly fumbling for the lock on the cell door.  “Can I have your autograph?” he asked Rachel as she went by.

Rachel looked him up and down, and then kept going without a word.

“Here, I’ll do it.”  Cassie took the paper and sharpie from him.

“Can you make it out to ‘Nikolaj’?” Boyle asked, eyes wide.

“Maybe.”  She uncapped the pen.  “Can you spell that?”

“N-I-K-O-L-A-J, oh and can you add something about always listening to his dreams, and also the music of Diana Ross?”

Slowly, Cassie looked up at Boyle.  She capped the pen — she’d settled for “to Nikolaj, from Cassie” — and handed everything back to him.

“Marco, dude, we’re going,” Jake said.  He currently had both arms around Marco’s waist and was pulling him backward from Diaz’s desk.

“But... but...”  Marco looked up at Diaz.  “Call me?”  Immediately he shook his head and said, “too desperate?”

She smirked.  “Nah, you’re cool.”

He let out a lovelorn sigh and went limp, which was all the excuse Jake needed to haul him over one shoulder and head out of the building.  Cassie and Ax followed, Tobias fluttering up to land on Rachel’s shoulder as she headed out too.  Naomi brought up the rear, casting a pointed look around the room as she went.

“Man,” Jeffords sighed, “I should’ve gotten an autograph for my kids too.”  And then he rounded on Peralta, midway through sneaking the Wing Sluts sauce tub into the trash can.  “What did we learn today, Peralta?”

He considered.  “Lawyers suck?”

“No!” Jeffords said.  “Well, they do, but... Santiago?”

She looked up from where she’d been making an incident report to this exact effect.  “Next time we’re thinking about arresting a whole batch of superpowered child soldiers on questionable misdemeanor charges... don’t?”

Holt nodded gravely.  “Well said, Santiago.”

[olderthannetfic]

I'm in a fandom where there's a lot of (some would say too many) minors. Which is fine in and of itself. Even though the media technically isn't for them (the movie was rated R), the stage adaptation certainly brought in a wave of new fans, and that's always a good thing. In fact, I'd say most are fans of the play and haven't even seen the movie in a while or at all. And these kids are creating things, mostly fanfic and art, and it's genuinely amazing.

The problem is most of the content (the fanfics) is crap. And I don't mean like it's not my thing or their ideas suck, no, some of the things they're writing about are about my blurbos, and their ideas are great! Every idea is or has the potential to be *chef's kiss*. Just the execution is bad. Basic SPAG is out the window, "no betas we die like men" (I know it's a meme but what they really mean is no proofreaders smdh), bare-bones dry as hell telling not showing, and there's just so much of it. And I get it, they're kids, they're trying, they're learning, they're going to suck. I was also a kid and my writing sucked complete monkey butt. But there doesn't seem to be a crumb of improvement happening anywhere. And I know change is gradual, but when you pump out 100 actual fanfics in a year or less, there should be some growth, you know what I mean? I should be able to read your first-ever fic and your most recent fic and notice, "wait, something is different here!" but that's never the case.

Most if not all is objectively garbage, and they keep eating it up like it's gold. And the objectively nicer fics, the ones with proper SPAG and clear research, that captures a character voice so clearly especially when it's not the Canon Voice, that takes so much time to craft and polish and are so rich with detail, depth, complexity, and nuance (and are, admittedly, long as hell) get barely a glance, much less a comment. It hurts. All that effort and no one cares. So many good writers aren't writing anymore and I'm tired of junky fast food. I want a quality homecooked meal by that weird aunt I never see but I know makes some good fuckin lasagna.

It's really fucking weird how that's such a thing, the crackfic you shat out in an hour gets all the kudos and comments while the AU/UA you slaved over for days, weeks, months, years even, gets maybe two comments if you're lucky, and one isn't a reply. All that effort and for what if no one cares? I'll consume it because I made it, but I want others to try too, that's why I brought it to the table. To share. And it's not even a rarepair or a "I don't like that char/pair" thing because a lot of people are multishippers. My main pairs aren't the most popular, but it's pretty up there. The cake comic only works if people actually come up to the table. If no one comes up, what happens?

I suppose it has something to do with instant gratification, doesn't it? The more content you pump out, the more there is to consume, the more they'll eat it up because cheap garbage is an endless supply while gourmet food is a luxury most can't afford. And I know there's also the whole "people don't like waiting so they won't read WIPs" (at the same time, slowburns are immensely popular?) but on the other side of the coin there's "no one is interacting with WIPs which is why they never get finished if the author hasn't moved on from the fandom because [reason]". I know that's why *I* won't post anything til it's done, or it's a oneshot. Attention spans are so short nowadays, and if details are not spoonfed to readers with airplane noises, they won't use their brains to pick up on the nuance, and it's shit. It's shit storytelling and I hate it so damn much.

I tried reading a BNF's most popular fic in spite of the fact I don't ship the ship like everyone else and their mom, and I couldn't get past the first part of the first chapter. Not because of the ship (the whole point of the fic is them getting together so they're not together at the start, obviously) but because the writing was so incredibly mid. Like, this is what everyone's creaming their panties about? This thing? Really???? And I thought, well, they put out a new oneshot recently, I'll read that and see where they're at. Their most popular fic took a long time to craft and they had to have gotten better over the years, right?

Spoiler alert: they didn't.

I don't understand.

And they've got such a wide reach, I keep seeing their very distinctive art style and people praising the fuck out of their mediocre content I just ended up blocking everything and anything having to do with them.

I know so much of this is "be the change you want to see in the world you bitter old bitch" and "if you want something done right you gotta do it yourself ya dumbfuck" but I'm really tired, burnt out, and I want to relax a bit. I read and rip into shitfics and they make my blood boil with how incredibly bad they are and I want to write just to spite them because I know I can do better, I have done better, but I can't do that right now (and that's incredibly irritating because I want to). And sure, fandom isn't serious. But it also doesn't have to suck this much ass. Really makes you appreciate the gems buried hidden under all the rock and dirt and manure.

Gaah, sorry for all this. I just have a lot of frustration and I genuinely hate the state of the fandom. Clearly creativity around these parts is named Persephone; she's gone to Hell and she ain't coming back for a long, long, painfully long time.

Thanks for listening. Again, sorry for my rambling rant. I love reading your replies so if you have anything to add, I'd love to know!

--

Heh. This is often the case in a fandom with more enthusiasm than experience.

Some people do improve over time from exposure and practice... But writing 100 fics won't do much if the writers are only reading other similar fics and nothing else. Moreover, if most of the audience is similarly inexperienced, they're not going to be able to see the lack of quality you do. They genuinely like the crappy stuff and create an echo chamber where that style is lauded.

Short attention spans matter some, but I don't think that's the primary culprit here.

[samcybercat]

2021 Fanfic Meme

Tagged by the most incredible dealer of problematique content @pandirpus Word count for the year:  169,593 ...That are on AO3! A large chunk of my writing atm is for projects that I can’t yet post publicly, so it’d actually be a bit higher than that. Number of stories posted to Ao3: 22! Pairings written for:   Theseus/Zagreus Theseus/Asterius Zagreus/Asterius Theseus/Zagreus/Asterius Momus/Heracles Dionysus/Ariadne Meg/Aphrodite Asterius/Hypnos Hades/Persephone Theseus/Momus Ares/Hypnos Achilles/Patroclus Zagreus/Momus Charon/Hermes Zagreus/Sisyphus Ares/Achilles ...And also Ares/Skelly, but I can’t post that one just yet ;) Fandoms I wrote for: Only Hades Game this year Most popular story: That’s definitely the prince with specific tastes; the king with specific regrets - which is easily the most popular fic I’ve ever written! I’ve never written anything that’s gotten much attention before, so I am incredibly honoured by folks liking the story so much. Story I’m most proud of: Same as above! I feel like I was possessed by something when I churned that whole fic out in a little over a month and bypassed all the usual problems I have with multichapters - I’d mapped it out before starting, I’d done my research, I’d forced myself to only focus on five main characters instead of going off on a tangent about a million of them. Also, I’m proud of how self-indulgent I allowed myself to be with the Heracles & Momus bonus content. Funniest: Two answers for this. The first is that Ares/Skelly fic that I can’t post yet, but has hilarious dialogue that I’m very excited to share. The second is this Ares & Mario crossover crackfic that I wrote when Cyrus Nemati asked for it on one of his streams. Kinkiest: I don’t think I wrote anything particularly kinky, but maybe the Sisyphus/Zagreus fic? Saddest: Hmm... I guess it depends. A few contenders are:  letter from icarus, which has Icarus writing a farewell letter to Asterius that Asterius is never able to receive, making it seem like his friend had abandoned him. the one who made and ruined me, which is typical Achilles raging over Patroclus’s death angst, with a side of Ares gloating. and if found please return to the underworld, which while isn’t the saddest of the three, does have a bittersweet ending where TheseZag can only see each other occasionally and also Momus & Heracles are separated indefinitely. So it’s sad for me lol Least Popular: letter from icarus again, which doesn’t surprise me too much, since it’s a t-rated platonic fic between Asterius and an OC version of Icarus. Most Cringe-Worthy: ALL OF IT Favorite Opening Line(s): Hypnos doesn't even know why he's bothering to try, because he's never once won any sort of fight with Charon during their long existence and a staring contest isn't going to be the first one that he does. Favorite Closing Line(s):  Might as well live for that thrill, right? (That’s technically cheating, since it’s the last line of one of the Momus/Heracles bonus chapters from THE BIG THESEUS FIC, but if you count the bonus chapters as standalone stories, then it’s still kind of a closing line?) Top Scenes from Anywhere You Would Choose to Have Illustrated: Look, literally any scene featuring Momus and/or Heracles, because those are my boys and it feels personal when folks draw them. I’ve been lucky that a few kind souls have drawn some of their scenes already! But a few scenes I’d particularly like to see illustrated are: - Momus having transformed into Dusa-with-body to fail(?) to seduce Zagreus in champions; prince and bull - Momus & Heracles’s farewell in if found please return to the underworld - Any of the Momus/Theseus scenes from prince theseus, ariadne and dionysus (also there is a catboy) Story I haven’t yet written, but intend to: Once I’ve completed various exchanges, trades and zine fics, I hope to start another damn TheseZag multichapter, this one focused on time-travel shenanigans. As well as this, I want to write a final bonus chapter for the one year anniversary of specific tastes and maaaybe an incredibly self-indulgent Dionysus/Momus oneshot, because fuck it, why not? Fic-writing goals for 2022: Same as the above, as well as finishing off any zines/exchange/etc fics in a timely manner. ...Hmm, I’m trying to think of any writers I know are active and haven’t been tagged yet (but also, no pressure if you don’t want to do this!), so I tagged @ofbleedingink @101flavoursofweird @krokonoko​ and @yallemagne

[fleet-off]

#ok first of all the fact that this made it onto a generic ao3 tag blog is hilarious#but also!!! YALL!!!!!!#i get that the farmouse bread is canonical#but PLEASE#WE COULD HAVE SO MANY OTHER TYPES OF BREAD#where are the MILK BREADS that look like corgi butts#the baguettes!!!! BAGUETTES CAN BE VERY SUGGESTIVE

via @lu-sn

Now don't you slander Farmhouse by suggesting they only make one type of bread! Step free of their admittedly sexy multigrain loaves and look upon a brand new world. 🍞 🍞 🍞

They make the delicious dorayaki you can steal from your friends and stuff your face with after a long night of street fighting.

They make donut cake.

...Kinn would put this on for oral sex and think he was so funny and original for it.

They make hot dog buns filled with cookies and cream???

There's also a salad dressing and shredded pork version, which I'd argue can be just as suggestive and silly as a baguette if you put your mind to it (and you know Porsche does):

This one starts sexy but unfortunately ends with an embarrassing trip to the doctors downstairs:

And this is merely a small selection of the confectionary delights/horrors Farmhouse has to offer! The possibilities are as endless and sexy as your imagination.

[just-the-hiddles]

Writer’s Spotlight | Wrathkitty

Hello my peeps, today I am featuring that talent and wonder that is @wrathkitty​. The person who reintroduced me to my love of Q.  If you know, you know.  I share her crush on Luke Skywalker as a teenager (for me specifically Return of the Jedi Luke in the black.)

Check out their works here on Ao3 and FF.net

What are other names you want people to call you?

Kat.

How long have you been writing fic?

Since I was in middle school, but I didn't start posting anything online until 2013.

What fandoms and/or ships do you write?

MCU Loki, Star Trek: TNG, Portal, and one random Star Wars fic about Kylo Ren and a passive aggressive barista 

How did you get started writing fic?

I had a crush on Luke Skywalker when I was 13. It was total author insert, wish fulfillment Mary Sue tripe. We all have to start somewhere, I guess. 

Story Recommendations

Which of your stories are your favorite?

You’ve Got Sucker’s Luck and Hello, My Dear.

Which story are you most proud of ?

Sucker’s Luck

Which of your stories do you think is the most underrated?

Sucker’s Luck.  There was a request to insert a laugh-crying emoji.  I will grant that request. 😂

Someone is new to read your stories, which story/stories should the read first?

Probably my kid Loki/Thor fic, just because it's funny. (This would be To My Brother Thor, Whom Slept With)

Which story did you do the most research for?

My Portal story - Come Downstairs and Say Hello. I spent many, many hours reading walkthroughs and poring over transcripts to make everything as close to canon as possible.

Which story was the easiest to write?

So far? My ST: TNG story! No idea why it's been so easy (relatively speaking), but I'm not arguing, either. (This would be Hello, My Dear).

The Writing Process

What is your favorite part of writing?

Writing dialogue, and editing. (QueryShark.com, which is run by an IRL literary agent, has been a huge resource for me re: writing techniques and dos/don'ts -- I have a weird love for picking my own writing apart, and some of her suggestions just gave me even more ammunition on ways to punch things up.)

What is your least favorite part?

Plot development!!!!!!!

Describe your style in 1 to 2 sentences.

Heavy on character development, sarcasm and angst, with a healthy dose of humor to balance out the feeeeeeeeeeeels.

Who are some of your writing idols and/or influences?

Robin McKinley, Tamora Pierce

What programs do you use to write and/or edit?

MS Word and Word Mobile

.Are you a plotter or a pantser?

More of a pantser, but writing an actual outline was the thing that has stopped SL from going completely off the rails...

Do you write RPF?

No.

Who is your favorite character to write and why?

Nick Fury. OMG. He has done it all, seen it all, and simultaneously DGAF while giving all the fucks.

What do you think are your writing strengths?

Character development, and writing dialogue.

What do you struggle with?

Plot. I'm terrible at it. The medication I take for depression has the side effect of inhibiting creativity and slows the writing process down something awful. The other thing I REALLY suck at is not getting hung up emotionally over lack of reader engagement. But no amount of psychotropic medication will cure that!

Favorite Trope?

Canon character falling for feisty OC, apparently!

Favorite word to use?

How bout favorite word to MIS-use - "alight." I have to go back and fix some egregious misuses of it in SL!

What is the best piece of writing advice you have heard?

Not actual advice but a lesson learned from my 9th grade English teacher, who taught me the value in letting someone slaughter my work. This got me out of the ditch years later when I had written myself into a corner 3/4 of the way through my Portal fic -- a reader left a comment complaining I was delving into crackfic territory. Once I got out of my snit, I realized they were right, reworked the chapter completely, and was able to finish the story. Chell and Wheatley would probably still be stuck in a game of Jeopardy! if it hadn't been for that one review. 

What would you say to a new fanfic writer starting out?

Ao3 is a much easier platform to use than FF.net, and tumblr is a great way to get your work out there, if that's something you're interested in doing. Also, use tags.

What is a random bit of research you have not managed to work into a fic yet?

I want to involve the Very Large Array (in NM) into one of my stories at some point.

What is your favorite random detail from one of your stories?

From by "To My Brother, Thor" story, where Loki and Thor are playing martyr and Loki is burning Thor at the stake -- it's based on my mom and aunt doing the same thing when they were kids, like all good little Catholic children do...

Any goals or WIPs you want to share?

My long term goal is to turn SL into an original work. Fingers crossed, I just need to finish the damn thing first! 

This or That

fluff AND angst

smut AND fluff

reader insert AND OC

one shot or series

canon divergent or AU

Pepsi or Coke (hot chocolate)

coffee or tea

sweet or savory

Check them out peeps!!.  Until next week!!

[pregnant-javert]

fic writer review!

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

11. Do you write AUs?

12. Do you ever write smut?

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

21. What are your writing strengths?

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

**Tag another writer if you want!**

I'm putting the answers under a cut because it is very long. :P

1. How many works do you have on ao3?

143 works, with three drafts O.o

2. What's your grand total ao3 word count?

295,376

3. How many fandoms have you written for?

Ten fandoms (Game of Thrones, Deadpool, Jurassic World, Anne with an E, Star Wars, Extraordinary You, The 100, Kakegurui, The Haunting of Bly Manor, and Snowpiercer)

4. What is the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Game of Thrones, in November 2018 :P

5. Is there a fandom you would like to write for but haven't yet?

I toyed with the idea of writing for Shadow and Bone a few months ago but never really went anywhere with it. (As much as I love the Darkling, lmao.)

6. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

when i need someone, it's always you and you are mine, i am yours (Kakegurui) are the top two at 338 and 221. People are still kudosing them for some reason. Then all three of my Daenerys/Sansa fics take the third, fourth and fifth spots :P

7. Do you respond to comments? Why/why not?

Yes, I respond to every comment I get. If people are gonna make an effort to comment, I want to reciprocate that since they're doing it to be nice :)

8. Which of your fics has the angstiest ending?

What defines angst? I guess it could be yoake OR dassen, because both Melanie and Alex die in those fics.

9. Are any of your fics pure fluff?

I'm not a huge fluff person, but I'd have to say the Melanie/Audrey/Alex christmas fic :P

10. Have any of your fics ended differently than you originally planned?

With ferrous liquid, I originally thought I wanted Zarah to leave Audrey completely as she was too resentful of Audrey's emotional burden. Then I realised that it was just too sad!! So they get back together.

11. Do you write AUs?

Only if it's canon divergence. I don't really enjoy writing college AUs or anything like that.

12. Do you ever write smut?

Yes. All the time. Used to hate writing smut, love it now.

13. Do you usually try to stick to canon?

Yes and no. Depends on the canon events. Most of the ships don't occur in canon anyway so it's difficult to stick to it :P

14. What are your favorite tropes to utilize in your writing?

Angst, hurt/comfort, violence. Anything that makes you feel sad :)

15. Have you ever received hateful comments on a fic?

Yes, very early on. Haven't gotten any in years but when I did, I just deleted them immediately. Who cares :P

16. What is the nicest comment you've received?

This comment from @olivish on humanity:

This is beautiful. I love it. The 'Of Mice and Men' reference is so on-point. I never gave Bob much thought, but you've really made him into a person in this fic, like, even as Bob himself is observing his own lack of humanity, the reader feels exactly the opposite. Like, the fact that he is still motivated by kindness is something of a miracle, isn't it? Also Wilford's MO of keeping his victims isolated from one another shines so clearly here. He's trained Bob not to interact with others. The deformities on his face and the sheer size of him go a long way to accomplishing this goal. Audrey is different, she's a person magnet, so the way to isolate her is to make others loathe her through envy. But that doesn't work on Bob, whose status on the train is assured and what he longs for most in the world is human connection. The more I think about it the more compelling it gets. Just wonderful work with a character I never paid much attention to.

17. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not entirely, but there have been some portions of other peoples' fics that look very similar to what I have written O.O

18. Have you ever co-written a fic?

No, but I hope to one day ahahaha

19. What is your all-time favorite ship to write for?

Well Melaudrey is up there because of the Memories™️ but honestly? Audrey/Zarah. There's so many aspects to their relationship in canon that are just so fun to explore :))))

20. Is there a WIP you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I'm trying to get through it, but probably mel and allie steal a train. I got some weird comments on it when the first chapter came out and it just tanked my motivation HARD (and they were pretty nitpicky comments, to be honest) Found it extremely difficult to keep going, even with an outline and a solid idea of where I wanted the story to go. Not to be self-pitying, but I was looking forward to writing it too :( I might continue with it, but it'll take months. Maybe during summer when I have more time to think about it?

21. What are your writing strengths?

I guess that I can get into the heads of the characters really well? I love doing this. I love dark and psychological fics where I can pick their brains apart O.o I'm also good at writing emotionally. So there's that.

22. What are your writing weaknesses?

I tend to over-rely on dialogue, and I REALLY struggle with just...not writing dialogue. I can't explain why, but I need the characters to talk so I can move the story forwards. :P I also struggle to end fics well. Suzanne Collins syndrome lmao

23. Are there any of your early fics that you wish you could go back and change?

As silly as this sounds, I wish I could go back and change certain aspects of tsukamu, the pregnant!Melanie crackfic. It's quite rushed in places and some of the timelines don't make sense (if it was Ben's kid, and she was in the research station for a month, there's no way Wilford could have imprisoned Melanie for nine months). Alas, I already published it in a book, so I can't change it now.

24. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

Ehhh it seems a bit iffy, have never done it before but like...I assume this means if a character is speaking in another language that the POV character doesn't understand? If so I'd just say '[character] said something in [language]' and leave it at that.

25. What is your favorite fic that you've written so far?

ownership. It's dark, it's angsty, there's medical stuff and also some comfort there as well. Chef's kiss :))

[saveourskinship]

Thanks for the tag @thusatlas I’ve never done one of these. So

How many works do you have on AO3?

16 works, but if you count my collection of drabbles it is 42 (soon to be 61 once I finish updating my Ficlet Snack Pack.

What’s your total AO3 word count?

429863

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Harry Potter mostly, but when I was twelve I wrote Greek God fanfiction but it’s hard to tell what fanfic in that space. I mean, the masterpiece that is Lore Olympus isn’t exactly fanfic, right?

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1) Transit of Venus

2) Curse of Fascinus

3) Her Curious Valentine’s

4) Are There Still Beautiful Things

5) Always Being Let Go

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Even if it’s just to thank someone and wish them a lovely day. I think the only comments I haven’t responded to are ones like ‘huh?’ or ‘eh?’. I can’t do much with those.

In a very gross way, comments are like laxatives. If you want more shit out of me, shove comments down my throat. My motivation will jump from toodle-doo to PHWOAR if anyone knows or understands what that means.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

The Alternate Ending (Tragic) to Transit of Venus.

Transit of Venus was already pretty angsty, but the people wanted to see the most harrowing of the five endings I wrote. So I put on my patent-pending Sob Through Anything glasses (eucalyptus on the nose grip, moisture wicking on the glass) and edited a Romeo + Juliet- style ending.

Do you write crossovers? If so what’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No, but I do write Easter Eggs. Though I do have a plunny to crossover Derry Girls with Harry Potter where the character of James is Harry being sent to Derry for his protection.

It is the only crossover I’ve ever dabbled in and the the couple pages I’ve written are utter madness so I don’t hold out hope I’ll ever publish it..

Oh, but do songfics count? Because then I have LOADS. Mostly Taylor Swift because folklore stole my soul.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Yes, my favourite was telling me the entire premise of Transit of Venus was stupid and I should have taken a leaf out of their country’s way of doing things to up population and given tracts of land to couples . Soo... colonialism with implications of people displacement and other more heinous consequences they found preferable to a soul spell.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I do write smut. My favourite type of smut to write is romantic, sensual smut. I’m also very much looking forward to writing the smut for my crackfic.

I think my most favourite smut scene I’ve written though is in Her Curious Valentine’s where Theo reads really bad, gratuitous Dramione smut out loud in the company of both Draco and Hermione while they try and ignore him.

I laughed a lot writing that.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I honestly have no idea how I’d even check that. But probably not. I doubt anyone would want to take credit for anything I write.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, but as an exercise to practice my Te Reo, I occasionally translate passages of my own.

What’s your all time favorite ship?

Dramione. I ‘White Flag by Dido’ Dramione. I stan, simp, ship, fangirl and tresh Dramione. I refuse to feel guilt, only pleasure. Please don’t come for me Ronmione fans, I like Ron, okay? I’m just shit at writing him and just make him say, “Bloody hell!” all the time.

But also Theo with anyone, particularly Harry. Theo is my favourite character because he is almost 100% fanon. He epitomises the Harry Potter fanfic community for me so I have to love him forever and ever.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

I’m writing a WIP called ‘The Madnesses of Men’ that details seven women’s relationships with the men in their life: The three Black sisters, Pansy, Luna, Ginny and Hermione. Each has a Seven Deadly Sin as the title of their chapter and each has a completely different writing style. Luna’s chapter is entirely poetry. Bellatrix is an exercise of insanity and a stream of consciousness. Narcissa’s is all letters to Andromeda that she never sent.

I would love to finish it because it is something very different for me but I’m struggling to find Pansy and Andromeda’s voices. Le sigh, maybe one day. (But let’s be honest, it’ll never happen.)

What are your writing strengths?

Humour - I have a knack for gargling up ridiculous scenarios when I’m brushing my teeth, giggling maniacally like a calcium-deficient vampire while frothing at the mouth with reckless abandon. I put these scenarios in my writing and it goes over well.

Angst - People tell them I make them cry and have been known to punch the heart’s out of people’s bodies so I thank them and wish them a nice day. I once exacerbated someone’s chronic pain condition (which I still feel soul-crushingly guilty about) and was asked to reiterate the ‘Heartbreak’ tag on a fic. I guess that means I’m good at it. Sorry again to that reader!

Trope Twists - My favourite thing to write are twists on tropes. I enjoy finding new ways to tell old stories. Stay tuned for my take on the ‘Unexpected Pregnancy’ theme coming soon.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Run-on sentences - I have a tendency to, more often than not, plug in far too many words which I think stems from some sort of childhood instinct that if I kept talking and talking then my sister won’t find out I drank all her juice and accidentally threw it back up on her favourite Skydancer.

Sticking to my plotting/theme - This has happened a lot. Incandescent was supposed to be a cottagecore, cute, fluffy romance Theomione. Now it is a sprawling space opera where Hermione has fought a god, has learned another version of herself will either save/destroy the entire world (not to mention Atlantis) and rescued a star after it was eaten by a black hole. Oh, and it takes place over one weekend.

The Absolute and Total Defeat of One Draco Malfoy had been fully plotted out for twenty-two chapters. It only took three for me to completely deviate. But it’s a crack fic, so it felt inevitable

The montage/transition pieces - I hate writing the banal parts between plot points. And I hate it because I’m really bad at it. I either skip over it too much or get bogged down in too many details.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I personally like reading dialogue in other languages. If used in a way that makes sense. Especially if the fic is set somewhere that doesn’t speak English, I like to learn a little of the setting’s language to immerse myself.

I tend to use use other languages sparingly in my own writing. Mostly because I don’t want to get it wrong and when I try, I end up in four hour long research holes of the best way to say ‘Hello’.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Ancient Greek mythology, I think. If it can be counted. Would that make ‘The Iliad’ or ‘The Odyssey’ fanfic? Oh gods, I’m going to obsess over this for days now.

What’s your favourite fic that you’ve written?

Transit of Venus because it taught me a lot, though I feel like I best nailed the setting I was going for in Are There Still Beautiful Things. The Absolute and Total Defeat of One Draco Malfoy always cheers me up.

But if I complete it and start posting (which I am DETERMINED to do, I WILL finish it before I start posting), I think my favourite will be my new WIP: What’s Owed When.

Tagging: @ohlenalena​ @megamegaturlte

[jovishark]

i reread our surviving copy of opposites attract for research. here are the corrections i can make and please dont make me regret releasing this information:

the fic is over one hundred chapters long. each chapter is really no more than four hundred words, but its an insanely long story in which a lot happens and at the same time, absolutely nothing happens. theres a lot in it that is obviously influenced by another era of fanwork and im kind of glad people cant still read it these days because it Truly wasnt meant for more than a few sets of eyes. we can basically call it a crackfic

antihomestar never killed the king of town, hes just been keeping him prisoner. he does admit to killing other unnamed people, and that he thinks its fun. hes manipulative, and he claims that relationships are a means of taking advantage of people (because hes is homestars opposite)

antihomestar invented a time traveling cube device, and is trying to use it to control multiple dimensions. hes canonically very smart and everything he does is calculated and precise (because he is homestars opposite) but hes also pretty emotionally constipated and inconsistent because.... hes still A homestar

the universe he exists in is called homestarrunner dot Net, which implies that hes still the main character, except absolutely nobody likes him. it is said in the story that the dot net Does Not Exist in the style of regular homestar runner. all of the characters have been human-shaped as long as they existed, though on their website, its a more simplified cartoonish style based on reality. hes never been depicted in either the story or the art as classically homestar runner-shaped.

he likes the opera and chess and prides himself on being intellectual (reddit brained). he gets a teeny bit of a redemption arc, although he kind of leaves the fic in disgrace, which to me is tragic.

anyway i like to read into it deeper than i should and i do think a lot of Smart things were done for his character but at the same time..... this fic is such a Wild ride that i cant imagine anyone on tumblr today reading past the first few chapters. the people who wrote it were obviously only doing it for fun for their friends, and if you were lucky enough to read this thing while it was up, bless you but if anyone ever reposts it without permission i will hunt them down and bust kneecaps