#no really the numbers are supposed to be there
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so. as you may know it’s christmas eve. as you probably don’t know i am eastern european. and probably the only real tradition anyone holds onto is christmas eve. normally my great aunt does all the food and very begrudgingly sometimes lets everyone help make like. one thing.
well.
this year. the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four. she decided she was done cooking and it was up to everyone else.
so i got a phone call from my mom a few weeks ago being like hey so. you’re making the cake. got it? good.
the cake in question is a walnut cake. i was entrusted with my great aunts recipe about seven years ago. i’ve made it twice. the first time i fucked up the frosting quantity. the second time i fucked up the eggs. both times were passable at best and notably! my great aunt did not taste either of them.
and i have to make this cake. on christmas eve. it is dessert. for everyone. my extended family will all be eating the cake. the walnut cake. on christmas eve. even my great aunt.
so yesterday, december 23 if you are counting, i went on the annual Last Minute Christmas Food Shopping Trip with my father, watched him climb into the case to get his half and half like he does every year, and stressed about my cake as i made sure i had all of the ingredients.
then. we went to my great aunts house. where i was met with Trial Number 1: The Cognac
this cake has cognac in the frosting. not a big deal really. except for the fact that my mom hates that there is cognac in the frosting. (my mom is hell bent on making christmas eve dinner vaguely healthier. no one else agrees.) and i was to be making the cake in my moms house.
also important to note: we (as in my parents) do not own cognac. mostly because none of us drink.
so my great aunt is like oh i have to give you the cognac. cause she knows. i am baking the cake. the walnut cake. (my dad told her. he is a traitor). and i say okay. sure. this won’t be a problem at all.
so she gives me. a shot of cognac. and when i say a shot. i mean an Entirely Full Shot Glass of Three Hundred Dollar Cognac. in a jar. for the cake. the walnut cake. that i have to make.
upon bringing the cognac home my mom says no we’re not putting that in. the cognac sits on the counter in its jar. no one touches it.
then i was met with Trial Number 2: The Frosting.
this recipe requires a pound of chopped walnuts. first. i couldn’t even find the walnuts. my sister and i searched high and low and in every cabinet we could find but no nuts. i called my mom. and said mom where are the walnuts? and she said. “they’re in the nut bag behind the basement door.”
oh of course. how could i have missed the nut bag? a holiday bag full of bags of nuts that was half hidden by wrapping paper and also behind a door?
in any case. could i have used a food processor? absolutely. did i? no. half because i forgot and half because i didn’t want to accidentally grind the walnuts into a paste. so i enlisted the help of my younger sister to chop the walnuts By Hand while i embarked on the real devil: the frosting.
which remember. is supposed to have cognac.
so i cream my butter. i add my sugar. i’m careful not to over sugar. i taste it a million times. i add my coffee and my vanilla extract (instead of cognac. which is still sitting on the counter) and it was all going so well until. the butter rebelled.
now remember. one time when i made this. seven years ago. i made too little frosting. so i made more this time. and i thought i had all my conversions right but evidently i did not because suddenly there was too much liquid in my frosting and it split.
the frosting for the walnut cake that everyone was going to eat. on christmas eve. the very next day.
i felt like a contestant on great british bake-off getting smited by the tent.
so i did the logical thing and shoved the whole mess into the fridge hoping that it would sort itself out overnight.
then it was time to face Trial Number Three: The Cake Itself.
as i have said this cake is a walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake that has been at christmas eve longer than i have been alive. and it requires no less than ten egg whites. which i whipped and i added to my walnuts and shoved the whole thing into the oven in my two baking dishes.
only to discover no less than 40 minutes later that the batter in the pans was Not Even (despite my best efforts). so i cooked one longer than the other and hoped that i hadn’t monumentally fucked up the walnut cake. like i had the frosting. which was in the fridge. and i was ignoring.
which leads to Trial Number Four: The Egg Yolk Cake
see i had ten egg yolks. i didn’t know what to do with them. my mom said flush them. my dad said make a custard. i proposed making egg nog. my mom said she didn’t want it in the house cause it was too fattening (a blatantly incorrect statement. please, if you are reading this, go drink a glass of eggnog. or some other fun festive drink. food is for the soul.) so i produced a recipe for an egg yolk pound cake. i made it. i still don’t know if it came out good cause i haven’t tasted it. i hope it did. but that was not the point. the point is the walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake.
and the following morning i was met with Trial Number Five: The Frosting Part 2
first i threw my failed frosting back in the mixer and it immediately secreted a brackish combination of vanilla extract and coffee so i did the only thing i could. facetimed my dad and said “father there are problems abound.” and he gave me the fatherly advice of “make it again.”
and so i did.
with more correct measurements. still scared it would split at any second.
though it didn’t.
and i didn’t add the cognac.
maybe no one will be able to tell???
my mom said that if anyone asks the first batch of frosting failed and i had to toss it. this is technically true.
but i had frosting. i had two uneven cakes. and it was time for Trial Number Six: Decorating
decorating cakes is easily in my top ten least favorite activities. decorating the christmas eve walnut cake is easily in my top three least favorite activities. because i am terrible at decorating cakes. and also because it has a filling.
the filling is jam. and i once again made the wrong choice because i put the jam on first before the frosting. which to be fair is what the directions say. but as everyone knows, the directions in recipes you get from your eastern european great aunt are not the real directions. so now i had to smear butter cream. on top of jam. for the filling of the walnut cake. for christmas eve. that we would be eating in a few hours.
and we didn’t have a cake plate. we had a large dish.
i had to use my fingers. i had to use three spatulas. i got jam everywhere. but i did it. and as soon as i set the top cake on top of the filling i realized my monumental mistake: i was supposed to trim down the cakes.
so now they were uneven. and lopsided. and there was nothing i, a mere mortal tasked with the impossible task of making christmas eve walnut cake, could do about it.
so i continued to spread my frosting. which i had enough of. and tried and failed to not get jam everywhere.
in the end it was almost presentable. not great. slightly lopsided. and definitely not as nice as any of my great aunts cakes.
which left me with Trial Number 7: Chilling It
our fridge was being taken up by other important christmas eve things (though not as important as my cake. the walnut cake) so i had to put it in the car. which was fine because there is snow on the ground.
i covered my cake. the walnut cake. in tin foil and hoped i wouldn’t accidentally squish it. and then i went outside. i tried to steal my moms shoes to walk outside. she was not impressed.
“you know, saph,” she said. “some of the time you’re pretty great. the other half of the time you’re really weird.”
i could not agree more.
i put my cake on the trunk. prayed to the cake gods and went inside.
on the one hand if the cake is good, i will be stuck making walnut cake for christmas eve for the rest of my life. on the other hand, if it sucks i will never have to make another one.
Trial Number Eight: The Tasting still waits.
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DIET PEPSI | K.TH
SYNOPSIS 》 Homework, exams, parents expecting the world from you and more, you just wanted a break. Better yet, you needed one. And who better than getting the resident campus bad boy plug Taehyun to help you out with that.
PAIRINGS 》 plug!taehyun x goody two shoes fem!reader
WARNINGS 》 plug taehyun, drug use, reader is really awkward and innocent she know's nothing about drugs, brief mentions of overbearing parents, unprotected sex, dry humping, car sex, corruption kink, loss of virginity, taehyun is a little bit of an asshole, cowgirl, slight hair pulling, not really proof read.
WORD CNT 》 6.3k
LIBRARY & BOOKSHELVES
You sit at your desk, the glare of your laptop screen searing into your eyes as you attempt to focus on yet another problem set. The numbers blur together, taunting you with their complexity. To your right, your history textbook lies open, mocking you with its dense paragraphs of information you’re supposed to have memorized by tomorrow. The clock ticks steadily in the background, a relentless reminder that time is slipping away. Your parents’ voices echo in your mind, a cacophony of expectations. "You have to be the best. We’re counting on you."Their words are like invisible weights, pressing down on your chest, making it harder to breathe.
You don’t remember the last time you felt truly free. Even when you’re not studying, the guilt lingers. Shouldn’t you be doing more? Shouldn’t you be better? The questions swirl in your head, their answers always out of reach.And so, you sit there, the cursor blinking impatiently on your half-written essay, while your stomach churns from too much coffee and too little sleep. The thought hits you suddenly: This isn’t sustainable. You lean back in your chair and close your eyes, but the words and numbers are still there, painted on the insides of your eyelids.
You need to breathe. You need to escape.
The idea comes to you like a whisper, soft but insistent. Remembering what Sakura told you earlier in the day, about the one guy in school you never thought to talk to before. Kang Taehyun. He was no good, he was what everyone around town and campus called a waste of space. You had half a mind to text Sakura asking for his number. The thought feels almost rebellious. You didn’t know a single thing about weed or how to smoke it. All you knew was that he was the one person around here you could get it from.
Would he even sell it to you? You didn't know, but you were going to try. You grab your phone before you can second-guess yourself. You sent her a quick tentative text swelling with anxiety at the questions you knew awaited you.
It seemed your anxiety was for nothing though, as a short and sweet text from Sakura popped up on your screen not even a minute later: ‘I knew you’d cave (; here 999-000-3456’. You knew as soon as you saw her you'd be bombarded with a multitude of questions but for now you will be thankful for the solace she gave you.
You didn't know the proper etiquette of ordering? Weed, so you didn't think it would be best to call Taehyun. You decided a simple text would do just fine.
You: hi, how much for weed? It’s Y/n L/n btw.
Taehyun: wtf?
You: Sorry, can I buy some weed from you?
Taehyun: i dont sell that. You have the wrong number.
You: what? My friend Sakura gave me your number. She said you would have something to help me.
Taehyun: Are you a fucking cop or something?
You: No???
Taehyun: Whatever. if you're serious, meet me at lakeland park in 15 minutes. If I see any weird shit I'm leaving.
Lakeland park was nearly a fifteen minute walk from you. He was giving you no time to overthink it instead grabbing you coat in a rush and bolting out the door. You pull your coat tighter around you as the wind bites at your cheeks. A fifteen minute walk isn’t far, but on a cold, dark night like this, every step feels heavier, the shadows stretching longer. Your breath clouds in the air as you walk, the rhythmic crunch of your boots on the frost-covered pavement the only
sound accompanying you. You’re not the kind of girl who sneaks out at night, let alone to meet someone like Kang Taehyun. He’s reckless, arrogant, always in trouble, the kind of boy your parents warned you about since middle school. But tonight, the weight of the day of every perfect grade, every strained smile, every pesky exam and desk filled with homework has crushed you into doing something reckless. Something that doesn’t feel like you. The park looms ahead, its iron gates blackened and wet with the mist that clings to the air. You hesitate at the entrance, fingers curling around the cold metal. It’s not too late to turn back, you tell yourself. But that same voice whispers that turning back means retreating to the suffocating predictability of your world. Straight-A student. Perfect daughter. Reliable friend. You just couldn't do that, you needed this. Bad.
The park is deserted. The streetlights cast pale orange pools of light onto the pathways, but the spaces in between seem darker than they should. You clutch your phone in your pocket, your thumb hovering over the power button. Just in case.
The sound of a car engine idling pulls your attention to the far side of the park. There, parked near the frozen pond, is Taehyun's car. Its headlights are off, but the faint glow of the dashboard light outlines his silhouette. You almost stop in your tracks as he leans out of the driver’s side window, his dark hair tousled, an annoyed look on his face.
“Didn’t think you were serious” He said as you walked up to the car. “Get in.”
You hesitate, your hand brushing the cold handle of the passenger door. Pulling it open before you could allow yourself to overthink it. “I was told you could help me.” The inside of the car is warmer than you expected, the faint scent of marijuana smoke and leather wrapping around you.
Taehyun shrugs a bored expression on his face as he leaned his head against the leather seat. His stance made you nervous. You could feel words bubbling up inside of you waiting to jumble out in a heap just like you always did in awkward silences like this. “I Just have a lot of stuff going on with school and my parents and-”
Taehyun snorts, his amusement cutting sharper now as he interrupts the beginning of your rambles. “Well, don’t expect a medal or anything.” He leans back in his seat, his eyes flicking to the rearview mirror. “Hurry up. I don’t have all night. What do you want? How much?”
“I have twenty dollars..” You trailed off your voice smaller now.
Taehyun sent you a curt nod reaching down to the glove department between the two of you. He pulled out a bag filled with a green substance, assuming it was the weed. “Here.” He tossed the bag down in your lap lazily. You picked it up in your hands inspecting it with keen eyes.
“Do..do i just eat it?” You asked him as you began to open the top of the baggie.
“What?” He asked leaning forward, the nonchalant expression he once held was gone, now a look of shock in its place. “No. You smoke it.”
“Oh.” Was the only response you could muster up. A red sheen coating your cheeks with embarrassment. “I-i don't know how.”
Taehyun laughs sharp and cold. “Little miss perfect has never smoked before what a fucking shocker.” His tone had a sarcastic lit to it. One that made your stomach churn with uneasiness.
“I’m not a junkie.” You spit out at him. “I just need help with some stress.”
“Are you implying that I'm a junkie?” His asked with raised eyebrows and an expression that spelled ‘i dare you to say that i am’
“N-no” You stuttered “I’m just making a statement about myself.”
You shift uncomfortably in your seat, but Taehyun doesn’t let up. “What’s next, huh? Gonna jay-walk across the street on your way home? Or maybe—and this is a real stretch—you’ll leave your dishes in the sink overnight.” He grins, wide and mocking. “Oh no, the horror.”
Your face burns, but you refuse to look away. “I’m not as boring as you think.”
“Sure you’re not,” he says, dragging the words out. He sends you a smirk. “Let me guess—late night study sessions? Babysitting? Volunteer work at the animal shelter?”
You cross your arms, your nails digging into your sleeves. “I came here, didn’t I?”
“Yeah, and it’s adorable,” he says, his tone dripping with sarcasm. “You’re like a puppy trying to bark. Cute, but not exactly convincing.”
The jab stings more than you’d like to admit, but you steel yourself. “At least I’m trying to do something different.”
“Oh, you’re different, all right,” Taehyun shoots back, his grin widening. “Most people would’ve bailed by now. But not you. You’re too stubborn to realize when you’re in over your head.” You fiddled with the baggie still in your hand “I mean look at you, you thought you had to eat the fucking bud.”
You glare at him, your frustration bubbling to the surface. “Why do you even care? If I’m so ‘adorable,’ why not just drive off and leave me here? No one is forcing you to sell to me ”
Taehyun shrugs, his smirk softening into something more thoughtful—but no less infuriating. “Maybe I’m bored. Or maybe watching you squirm is more fun than anything else I’ve got going on tonight.”
“Whatever.” You huffed, rolling your eyes at him.
“So now that we've established that you do indeed smoke the weed and don't eat it. I’ll take that twenty and be on my way now-”
“Can you teach me how to smoke it?” The words fell from your lips like spit fire before you could even think about them.
“Seriously.” Taehyun sent you a deadpanned look. “Do I need to like, hold your hand while we're at it?”
“Well no..” You trailed “I’ve just never done it before..”
“I can tell,” He said, annoyed. “Whatever I have got nothing better to do.”
He reached back into the saame glove department that he got the weed baggie from, pulling out a small pack of papers in his fingers.
“These are wraps” He explained handing you the wraps. “We’ll put the weed into it before we smoke it.”
“You're going to smoke with me?” You asked Taehyun, mulling the wraps in your hand as you carefully analyzed them.
“Yeah, im not doing this shit for nothing do i look like a fucking teacher to you.” He snapped. Taehyun reached his hand out, yanking the baggie of weed out of your hands and although he did it with minimal force the action still shook you. He really was such a stark contrast to who you were. He was rough, arrogant and cocky. You were shy, timid and very inexperienced in everything he was comfortable with. This was a recipe for disaster.
Taehyun continued by showing you how to ground up the weed then stuff it into the little paper carefully. You watched as his lips poked out, licking the paper to seal the week inside. Really, it shouldn't be something you're finding hot but you do.
“This is a blunt” He explained. You watched him with careful calculation soaking in everything he said to you. The blunt dangles lazily between his fingers, the faint ember glowing like a tiny, taunting beacon in the dim light of the parking lot. He’s leaning against his beat-up car, all leather jacket and sharp jawline, looking like he stepped out of a 90s music video. You tried to steer the thoughts away. Just mere minutes ago you were rolling your eyes at him for poking fun at you, now in the dim light of the overhead dash coupled with the hues of the park street lamps you had thought he looked..well, beautiful.
“Alright, princess,” Taehyun says, his tone as sharp as the smirk tugging at his lips. “You begged me to teach you, so here you go.”
And there you were back to rolling your eyes. “I wasn’t begging,” you snap, your arms crossing defensively over your chest. You know your voice sounds weak even as you say it, and his smirk deepens, like he’s already won some unspoken argument. The nerves for what you were about to do finally really creeping in on you.
“Sure, sure,” he drawls, handing you the blunt like it’s some kind of sacred ritual. “Just don’t go crying to your choir group when you cough up a lung.” You take it with more confidence than you feel, holding it between your fingers the way he does, even though you’re certain it doesn’t look half as natural. You leaned slightly forward in your seat, over the glove department that was between the two of you.
For a quick fleeting second you could have sworn you saw his eyes flicker downwards catching the flesh of your exposed skin. You wore a hoodie half zipped down to reveal your black tank top with tiny little lace on the top. Your cleavage was slightly visible at this angle and he surely noticed it.
“Now, put it in your mouth,” he instructs, deadpan, and you glare at him because you can hear the barely contained laughter in his voice.
“Do you always have to be this crude?” you mutter, but you follow his instructions anyway, the filter feeling foreign and dry against your lips. His eyes flicker over you, quick but deliberate, before he leans closer. You freeze, the scent of leather and marijuana smoke filling your senses as he reaches up to flick his lighter. The flame catches, small and precise, and his hand shields it as he tilts it toward you.
“Breathe in—gently,” he says, his voice softer now, almost serious, though you swear there’s a hint of amusement dancing on his face. You inhale, maybe too sharply, because the burn hits the back of your throat like fire, and you’re coughing almost immediately, doubling over as your eyes water.
He barks out a laugh, loud and shameless, but there’s something about the way his hand hovers just shy of your back, like he’s deciding whether or not to steady you. “I told you to go easy,” he says, shaking his head. “What, you thought you were gonna look cool on the first try?”
“I hate you,” you choke out, still coughing, and he grins like you’ve just made his night.
“Cute.” He mutters. “That’s cute.” he says, and for a second, you think you catch something softer in his expression—like he’s a little proud of you for trying.
You straighten up, glaring at him through watery eyes. “Let’s go again,” you say, more determined than ever.
He raises an eyebrow, surprised but impressed. “Look at you, all rebellious now,” Taehyun teases, taking the blunt from your hands, putting it to his lips and effortlessly inhaling. You wish you could say it wasn’t so erotic looking, the way his lips envelop the blunt, sucking in and then blowing out like he's done it a million times over. Because well, he has. He looks over at you again, eyelids narrowly heavy. You don’t miss the way his gaze lingers just a fraction too long, though, like he’s seeing you differently. But before you can dwell on it, he’s all smirks and sarcasm again, holding out the blunt with a mock bow. “Alright, princess. Round two.”
And as you fumble your way through another attempt, you can’t help but notice the way his expression turned darker, almost lustful as he watched you bring the blunt back to your lips tentatively.
The second drag is smoother. Not by much, but enough that you don’t hack up your lungs again. It still burns on the way down, leaving a bitter taste on your tongue, but there’s something else now—a strange kind of lightness creeping into your chest, like you’re not quite tethered to the ground. “See?” Taehyun says, his voice smug. “Not so hard, is it?”
You roll your eyes, but the edges of the world are starting to blur, the space inside the car feeling smaller and softer all at once. “It’s weird,” you admit, your voice quieter now. “But… kinda nice?”
Taehyun chuckles, resting one arm over the back of his seat as he watches you. “Yeah, it’ll do that. Just wait. You’re gonna feel like your brain’s floating soon.”And he’s right. A few minutes later, the buzzing in your chest has spread to your head, leaving you light and a little disoriented. You can’t stop yourself from giggling, the sound spilling out before you can catch it.
“What’s so funny?” he asks, arching a brow. He took the blunt from your hands, taking a drag from it. The smoke flew out of his lips in ‘O’s’ like some kind of party trick.
Unfamiliar heat pooled in your belly at the sight, your thighs fidgeting in your seat. “I don’t know,” you say, leaning your head back against the seat. “Everything feels… floaty. Like I’m a balloon or something.” Your eyes felt heavy as you stared at him with a dopey smile on your face. The softness of the lights from the overhead light casted down on his face like a glowing frame of his face. It was a beautifully confusing feeling this way. You had found yourself wanting something from him you've never had before, something way worse and more irreversible than smoking for the first time.
He snorts, shaking his head. “You’re high as hell,” he mutters, but there’s a hint of a grin tugging at his lips. A sharp keen to his eyes as they darken at the sight of you, leaning back against the seat, head turned towards him. Your glassy eyes staring up at him doe eyed.
Your gaze lingered on the way his fingers tap absently against the steering wheel. “You’re not as much of an asshole as you act, you know,” you say, your voice unfiltered and soft.
His head snaps toward you, his eyes narrowing. “The hell’s that supposed to mean?”
“You act all tough,” you say, shrugging. “But you’re still here. Putting up with me. Teaching me. You could’ve just told me to screw off.”
“If I recall, I did do that when you texted me.” Taehyun says slowly, his speech becoming slightly slurred. For a moment, he doesn’t say anything. His gaze flickers over you, like he’s trying to decide if you’re messing with him or not. Then he shakes his head, letting out a low chuckle, the sound sending a bolt of electricity through you and straight to your core. It was an unfamiliar feeling for you. You had never felt such intense heat and want for someone. You didn't know whether to blame the weed or your hazy mind, either way you weren't sure you minded.
“Guess the high’s getting to you,” he says, but his voice has softened, the sharp edges dulled. His own lust lingered heavily in the compactness of the car. You are both hyper aware of the shift in the dynamic of the car. You smile lazily, sinking further into the seat. The hum of the moment feels bigger than either of you, like the space between you has shifted somehow. He handed the blunt back to you but with a shake of your head you refused it, already feeling relaxed. Your body is like jelly as you slumped against the seat of the car.
You tilt your head to look at him, his profile is sharp in the dim light, the amber glow of the lighter from earlier still dancing in your mind. “Why are you staring?” he asks, his voice low and rough, like gravel underfoot.
“I’m not,” you lie, even though you can feel the weight of your own gaze on him.
“Yeah, you are,” he says, leaning back slightly in his seat, his fingers drumming absently on the steering wheel. “What’s going on in that good little head of yours, huh?”
You open your mouth to answer, but the words get stuck somewhere in your throat. The buzz in your chest has spread, making everything feel too big and too small all at once. You shift in your seat, suddenly hyper-aware of how close you are to him, how the scent of smoke and leather clings to the air between you. “I don’t know,” you say finally, your voice quieter than you meant it to be.
He doesn’t say anything for a moment, just watches you with that same unreadable expression. And then, like the space between you is pulling him in, he leans forward, just a fraction—enough to make your breath catch. “You’re high,” he says, almost like he’s reminding himself. “That’s all this is.” His breath fanned against your lips close enough that even a mere inch forward your lips would be touching.
You shake your head, though the movement feels sluggish. “It’s not just that,” you whisper, your voice barely audible.
Taehyun’s hand twitches where it rests on the steering wheel, and for a moment, he looks almost unsure, like he’s teetering on the edge of something he can’t pull back from. “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t want this.”
“I do,” you insist, your gaze locking with his. The pull between you feels magnetic now, impossible to ignore. The heat in your belly felt like fire only being fueled by the constant darkening of his eyes and his pure adultured need for you. You may be inexperienced and naive but you were stupid, he wanted you as badly as you wanted him.
He lets out a low, almost defeated sigh, his fingers running through his messy hair. “You’re gonna regret this Tomorrow.” But he doesn’t move away.
You lean forward first, closing the already minimal space between you. It’s tentative, the barest brush of your lips against his, and for a moment, you think he’s going to pull back. But then he doesn’t.
Taehyun’s lips press against yours, slow and deliberate, like he’s testing the waters. There’s a hesitance in the way his hand hovers near your cheek, as though he’s not sure if he’s allowed to touch you. But when you don’t pull away—when you lean into him instead—he seems to let go of whatever was holding him back.
The kiss deepens, his hand finally coming to rest on your jaw, his thumb brushing against your skin. There’s nothing rushed about it, no desperation, just a quiet intensity that sends your heart racing. You don’t know if it’s the blunt, the high, or him, but the world outside the car has completely disappeared. It’s just the two of you now, tangled in this strange, unspoken pull that you can’t quite explain.
“You’re gonna blame this on the high,” he murmurs with a groan. “If we don’t stop, I don't know how far it will go, princess.”
You shake your head, your eyes still closed. “Don’t stop.” for a moment, neither of you says anything, the quiet hum of the night wrapping around you like a blanket.
He doesn’t move away. If anything, he’s closer now, his hand sliding from your jaw to cup the side of your neck. His thumb brushes just under your ear, and the touch sends a shiver skimming down your spine. “How far have you gone before?”
You shake your head “Nothing further than kissing.”
He pulls back a small look of bewilderment on his face “Are you sure about this?”
You nod, disconnecting yourself for a second to look at him, although your mind was hazy nothing about the decision to go further with Taehyun was, you were sure you wanted this. “Yes” You spoke with a surge of confidence. “I want this, so bad.”
Taehyun reconnects your lips in a messy entanglement of lips and teeth, his hands grabbing at your waist to pull you closer to him even in the confines of his car. “Tell me to stop,” he says, his voice low, almost a growl. It’s not a demand—it’s a plea, barely restrained, like he’s fighting himself and losing.
You don’t tell him to stop. You can’t. Instead, your hands find their way to him, one resting on his shoulder, the other fisting the fabric of his shirt like you’re afraid he’ll pull away if you let go. “I’m not going to,” you whisper, and your voice shakes, but not with fear.
He kisses you again, harder this time, like he’s been holding himself back and can’t anymore. There’s nothing hesitant about it now—his lips press firmly against yours, and you meet him with the same urgency, like you’ve both been waiting for this moment longer than either of you is willing to admit.
Taehyun’s free hand slides to your waist, gripping you just hard enough to make your breath hitch. The space between you feels nonexistent, every inch of him pressing into you in a way that’s both overwhelming and addictive. You’re not thinking anymore—not about where you are, not about how this started, not about the million ways this could go wrong. All you know is the way his hands feel against you, the way his lips move like he’s memorizing the shape of yours, the way your entire body feels like it’s on fire.
You tug at his shirt, pulling him closer, and he groans softly against your mouth, the sound vibrating through you. Taehyun’s fingers dig into your waist, grounding you even as the world feels like it’s spinning out of control. The high from the weed makes your skin a buzz and your mind spin.
“You’re gonna ruin me,” Taehyun mutters against your lips, his voice rough and raw, like the confession slipped out without his permission.It makes you want him even more. You tilt your head, deepening the kiss, pouring every ounce of emotion you can’t put into words into the way your lips move against his. Your hips raise slightly, searching for some semblance of friction.
The small space of the car feels suffocating now, the air thick and heavy as his hand slides up your side, brushing just beneath the hem of your sweatshirt. His touch is searing, leaving trails of heat in its wake, and you arch into him instinctively, a soft sound escaping your lips.
“Careful,” Taehyun murmurs, pulling back just enough to look at you. His eyes are dark, his pupils blown wide, but there’s something else there, too—a flicker of restraint, like he’s holding himself together by a thread. “You don’t know what you’re starting.”
“Maybe I do,” you whisper, your voice steady even as your heart pounds in your chest. He had you craving something you had never indulged in before, something you knew you would miss as soon as it ended.
For a moment, he just stares at you, like he’s trying to read your mind, to figure out if you mean it. Whatever he sees in your expression seems to be enough, because his lips crash into yours again, his hands gripping you like he’s afraid you’ll disappear. He grabbed at your sweater, unzipping it until your frilly tank top was revealed underneath. When his lips leave yours, they trail along your jaw, slow and deliberate.
The feeling of his lips sends a shiver down your spine, and you tilt your head instinctively, giving him more access.“God, you’re dangerous,” he mutters against your skin, his voice rough and almost reverent. His hands move up the expanse of your body and torso cupping your breasts in his hands. A gasp leaves your lip, a chill crawling up your spine.
“These fucking tits.” Taehyun growled. “How has no man ever touched these before?” Your chest heaved as explored the entirety of your upper body, cradling your breasts in his hands. Your heart is pounding in your chest, and the high from the weed feels distant now, overshadowed by the way he’s making you feel. Every nerve in your body is alive, hyper-aware of his every touch, every breath, every unspoken word.
“Take this off.” He growls his lips ghosting over your collarbone as he tugged at your tank top in his big hands. You met his hands at the hem of your tank top, lifting it in one fail swoop over your head. Your top half is now completely bare and out in the open for his eyes to see.
You didn't think his eyes could darken anymore then they already have but to now avail his irises became nearly black pools of desire. Your heart was thumping hard in your chest as your breath left you in harsh pants. He made quick work of running his hands to his grey sweatpants, yanking them down just enough to pull himself out of his boxers. His cock spring free, the rip red and angry.
Your eyes widened at the sheer size of him. He smirked at you with a knowing look. “Cute.” He muttered. “You never seen a dick before or something.” You could tell he meant it as a joke but one single look at your expression made him realize just how little experience you’ve had.
“I..” You trailed “I haven’t.” Your face was flush red from the embarrassment of your admittance, you hadn't even really watched porn. Seeing a dick was so obscure to you, so unheard of.
“Come here.” Taehyun softly said as he held his hand out for you to take. You lifted your legs to gently maneuver your body over the center console of the car. The sudden movement coupled with the high that was still lingering had you feeling a bit dizzy.
You sat on Taehyun’s lap. His hard cock now resting against your thigh. Awkwardly and out of instinct you lifted your arms to cover your breasts that were now smack dab in his face. A man’s dream you thought to yourself.
“No, don’t do that princess.” He took a hold of your arms gently in his hands pulling them back until they were at your sides. “Don’t hide.” He toyed with the hem of your shorts and he brought his other hand to your hips, gently guiding your hips to rock back and forth against his cock.
A gasp fell from your lips at the movement. He started slowly rocking your hips steadily against his to create just the perfect amount of friction. Your clit throb in your shorts wishing you were completely bare against him.
“That feel good?” He asked you with a grit to his teeth trying his hardest to keep his groans at bay. You nodded dumbly, a whimper falling from your lips as you continued to allow him to guide your hips against his.
“I..i think i need more.” Your voice was airy, a sigh that sounded a lot like a moan slipped from your lips. “More, please.”
“Hm.” He hummed grabbing ahold of your hips with both of his hands, his grip tighter than it had been all night. “Pretty little princess wants more huh?” He was teasing you, rocking your hips faster against him.
“Y-yes!” You squealed, as a foreign feeling twisted in your stomach, the intensity knocking you forward trying to steady yourself on his chest.
The sudden stop of your hips had you whining as Taehyun roughly gripped your hips in his hands stopping your movements. “The first time you cum will be with my cock buried deep inside of you. Not from you grinding on it like a needy little whore, do you hear me?”
“Taehy-” You began to whine.
“Do.you.hear.me?” He asked again tougher this time as he snaked his hand up your neck to the nape grabbing a fist full of your hair in his hands yanking your face to be level with his.
“Yes!” You repeated for the second time tonight. “Want your cock..”
“Good girl.” Taehyun let go of your hair soothing the spot with his palm. “Let's get these shorts off now, yeah?” You nodded with a hum as you lifted yourself off his lap to give Taehyun easy access to slide your shorts and panties down at the same time.
“Are you going ok?” He ran his hands up and down your sides soothingly.
“I am” You reassured him. You bent your face down to meet his lips in a short kiss as you pulled away Taehyun smirked, chasing your lips with his own, causing a giggle to leave you.
His hand reached down, carefully circling your heat with his fingers. “You're so wet.” He hissed, dipping a finger slightly inside your awaiting core. Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him toy with your pussy lip and clit delicately. Your legs slightly shook from the touch of him.
“I think you’re ready.” He nodded more to himself than you. “You think you’re ready baby?” The pet name caught you off guard stunting your ability to answer so instead you nod.
“I need your words.” He said, more harsh than you expected.
“I’m ready.” You confirmed. His hands found your hips once again, lifting you up until the tip of his dick was lined up at your entrance. The knot in your stomach tightened as the reality of what was about to happen set in. You were really about to lose your virginity. Here in a car, in the middle of the night to a boy you had just officially tonight. The thought excited you? It was so purely unlike you that you couldn’t wait to do it.
Taehyun helped guide you down on his length, the stretch of him burning as you slowly moved down inch by inch on his cock. “Oh.” You squeaked, using Taehyun’s shoulder as leverage. “Oh-” You said again. The one syllable seems like the only word you could even begin to utter.
“Careful.” Taehyun grit the words out. “That’s it.”
The feeling of him inside you had tears pricking your eyes as the intensity of the moment took over.
“Stay still princess” Taehyun’s voice was soft as he gave you instructions on how to take him, talking you through it. You sat still on his lap as his cock was not fully satiated inside of you. The feeling was odd..a good odd. You felt full, entirely consumed by him. The dead of night surrounding you adds onto the ambience.
“Move whenever you want sweetheart, you're in charge.” The heat of his hands on your bare skin coupled with the heat in the car and the weed lingering in your veins gave you the boost of confidence you needed to lift yourself up and slam yourself back down on his cock. Carefully at first, testing the waters. Taehyun’s grunt of pleasure only adds to the fire growing inside of you. You needed to make him feel good, it was now the most important part of this.
“Fuck” He grunted as he leaned his head back against the seat heavily lidded eyes looking up at you as you bounced atop him. The pleasure was creeping up on you, the burn now a dull feeling easily forgotten about. “Keep doing that.”
His praise served as a catalyst for you to keep moving your hips up and down on his cock. Your thighs shaking at the overwhelming pleasure and the workout you were receiving.
“So good.” You whimpered out, the only sounds around you were the ones of the constant smacking of your ass against his lap and the moans you let slip from your mouth uncontrollably.
“Good girl.” Taehyun babbled, resetting his arms behind his head, watching you. “That’s a good fucking girl, fucking that cock for the very first time.”
“Am i doing good?” You chased his praise almost as fast as you chased your impending orgasm, the heat pooling in the bottom of your belly like the fire getting ready to boil over and explode.
“Yeah baby, you're doing so good. Keep bouncing on my cock. Just like that.” Soft mews left your lips reaching your fingers out to drag down Taehyun’s clothed chest.
“Can I help you out?” Taehyun pants desperately pawing at your hips. “If it hurts, let me know, I'll stop right away.”
“Ok.” You whimpered pathetically. You'd allow him to do anything to you right now just as long as you continued to feel as good as you were. His hands gripped your hands tightly in his hands before shooting his hips up with one single snap.
A gasp of surprise left your lips as he reached angles you didn't even know was possible.
“Holy-” You breathed out “Fuck, fuck.”
Taehyun’s hips snapped up drilling his cock into your weeping hole over and over. His balls lewdly slapping the underside of your ass. “I’m close.” He hissed, not letting up on his thrusts.
“M-me too, I think.” You winced at the mixture of pain and pleasure consuming you. The feeling that bubbled up inside of you waiting to explode like a ticking time bomb.
“This tight fucking pussy wont ket me go.” Taehyun’s words sent you flying towards your orgasm, becoming a mess of yourself on top of him. He followed suit not longer after pushing his hips inside of you a few more times before stilling himself.
“Fuck.” He huffed rubbing the sides of your thighs as rested your head against his chest trying to catch your breath.
“Are you ok?” He asked with a slightly worried tone.
“So good.” You said raising your head to look at him. “Thank you”
“For the sex?” He quirked an arrogant brow at you, a laugh bubbling in his chest.
“Well, yes and the weed, and teaching me how to smoke it and-”
“Ok, ok” He laughed. “No need to thank me so much.”
“But I do.” You said with sincerity. “You helped me alot tonight.”
“I can always do it again..” He trailed off with a slightly nervous tone in his voice.
“Is this a drug dealer's way off asking me out after taking my weed and literal virginity in his car?” You joked, sending him a goofy grin. He shrugged in an attempt at being nonchalant despite his best efforts.
“Is this the goody two shoes princess saying yes?” His tone was just as goofy and airy as the both of you felt.
“It is.” You smiled at him. “Yes, a thousand times over.”
“Eager are we?” Taehyun jokes. You laughed, hitting his chest lightly. “Shut up and fuck me again Taehyun.”
“Don't have to ask me twice.”
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𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 | 𝐬.𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐝
𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: your first solo, undercover mission unexpectedly spirals out of control when a real heist begins at the scene.
𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐬/𝐩𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭𝐢𝐚𝐥 𝐭𝐰: spencer reid x newbaumember!femalereader, robbery, the reader becomes a hostage, is beaten by the attacker (quite severely), killing of hostages, shooting, inspired by s1e9 where spencer saves elle on a train (the plot is very similar but set in a different scenery), spencer's pov, the attackers are definitely not the gentle type, reader is wearing a skirt (her whole outfit is described), glasses reid propaganda
𝐚/𝐧: merry christmas guys <3 fasten your seatbealts and get ready for this rollercoaster.
𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬: 14.8 k
"Why do I get the feeling that neither of you is even half as stressed as I am? Actually, scratch that—neither of you is even one-tenth as stressed as me?”
The question left your lips accompanied by a kind of sigh, an attempt to expel the air poisoned with anxiety and replace it with something fresh, clean.
"Because we know you’re going to do brilliantly, sweetheart," Penelope replied without hesitation, sparing you only a fleeting glance as she momentarily tore her eyes away from her computer screen. One of many screens.
Her office was filled with an uncountable number of them, all glowing brightly and lighting up the small, dimly lit space, which was also packed with her colorful accessories—pom-pom-topped pencils and flowerless plants in tiny pots, most adorned with smiling faces or hearts.
"Or rather," Reid interjected, spinning in a circle on his swivel chair, "because we both doubt you’ll even be remotely useful out there." A white box of Chinese takeout rested on his lap.
You shot him a grimace.
"Next time you try to undermine my self-confidence, make sure I’m not holding anything sharp," you warned, pointing one of your chopsticks at him. Yes, less than an hour before your first solo assignment, you were all happily indulging in junk food from the closest restaurant to the office, ignoring the looming possibility of digestive regrets. "Or you’ll lose an eye."
"Aren’t you tired of trying to kill me yet? First, you gave me a concussion…"
"You didn’t get a concussion, Reid. Stop exaggerating…"
"And now, you’re openly admitting that you plan to cause me permanent damage by depriving me of my sense of sight—which, as it is," he said, tapping the frame of his glasses, "is already in less-than-stellar condition."
"You two are just adorable when you argue with each other like an old, bitter married couple," Penelope commented with a small smile on her pink-lipsticked lips.
You first looked at each other, then at her, eyebrows raised, and in a synchronized moment, you both let out a huff. Unfazed, she continued.
"But now we really need to get to work. The exhibit starts in an hour, and you should get there with him. Have you ever used that microphone? It’s the latest model we’re testing, gosh, I’m so excited…"
"You’re adorable when you act like a typical nerd," you shot back, mimicking her little smile and tone of voice.
"A nerd I proudly am! Just like this guy here," she nodded toward Reid, who pouted slightly, looking offended. "You’re surrounded by nerds, sweetheart. Soon enough, you’ll become one too."
"Dear God, forgive me my sins and watch over me…" you whispered, staring at the ceiling.
The mysterious he that Garcia mentioned was named Christopher Allen, and he was surprisingly young for a neurotechnology engineer. He worked on issues surrounding the human brain and developed devices designed to have a broad range of effects on it. But why were you supposed to go with him to some exhibit? Equipped with a spy microphone? And why was it stressing you out so much that for the past ten minutes, you had only been picking at your Chinese takeout instead of eating it?
Well, it's hard to decide where to start explaining from.
You were summoned before Hotch yesterday, who informed you that an opportunity had arisen for you to prove yourself in the field. Alone, undercover, for the first time in your—let’s be honest—tragically short career at the FBI. On top of that, this was meant to test all the new equipment your team had received, the kind that Penelope had been so enthusiastic about. You couldn’t shake the feeling that this was the main reason you’d been assigned this task. Someone had to check the effectiveness of the gear, and at the same time, you, the rookie, needed to gain more experience. Allen’s case was like killing two birds with one stone.
This scientist had worked with the FBI multiple times, and that’s why when danger started looming over him, he was quickly assigned protection. The threat came from threatening letters and even a direct attack at his own home, which fortunately didn’t end in tragedy. Allen was descending into paranoia and was afraid to even attend public events, even ones with full protection, like the tech exhibition—taking place in one of the modest local museums—designed to showcase the latest advancements in neurotechnology and more.
He was probably afraid that during the event, someone would simply rush at him with fists and try to murder him in front of dozens of random technology and brain enthusiasts. Or something like that. Your task was to pretend to be his assistant, never leaving his side and carefully observing the surroundings. And that was it. Nothing too demanding was expected of you, unless things started to go south. However, that seemed highly unlikely, as everyone made it clear to you.
Still, you couldn’t shake the fear—whether justified or not—that something would go wrong. And it would be your fault.
“Reid, clip the microphone on her,” Penelope interrupted your train of thought with the order. “You’ve never used one of these before, have you, sweetheart?”
You nodded in confirmation, watching as Reid set aside his box of Chinese takeout to take the tiny device from her. He stopped a step in front of you, perched on the edge of one of the desks, his gaze shifting uncertainly between the small black microphone in his hand and you.
“Where… where can I…?” he asked, trailing off as he made a vague gesture with his hand, surprisingly loaded with awkwardness.
“Oh,” you let out a confused sigh, beginning to consider where it might be best to place it. The sleeve? Shouldn’t it be closer to your face to capture even your quietest whispers?
“Okay, I’ve got an idea,” you said, starting to unbutton your white shirt, revealing a significant portion of your neckline. “Here?” you asked.
“Yeah… I think so,” he replied hesitantly but didn’t move.
It wasn’t until a moment later that he swallowed and, with a slow, deliberate motion, reached for a section of your shirt near your cleavage. His actions were careful—almost excessively so—like his top priority was ensuring he didn’t accidentally brush against your skin.
The microphone’s clip was quite small, though, and attaching it to your clothing required him to take another step closer and lower his head near your chest.
Even as your breathing slowed, you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of Penelope shaking her head in amused disbelief.
You preferred to look straight ahead rather than at his fingers, working with such careful focus, though you couldn’t help but let your gaze flicker to them repeatedly. Just for fractions of a second—it was difficult to pull your eyes away once they landed there.
Only when he finished, his hands dropping quickly to his sides as he stepped back, did you realize you’d been holding your breath for quite some time. You became acutely aware of how stifling Penelope’s little office was—how did she even manage in the summer?
"That's not all," the woman on the screen broke the silence, one you hadn't even realized had fallen. "There's also a transmitter you'll need to keep on you somewhere. Securely, so it doesn't fall out. Are you planning to go dressed like that?"
You glanced down at your outfit. A simple black skirt and white shirt—the first thing that came to mind then you learned you'd be posing as an assistant.
"Inappropriate?" you asked, searching for an answer first on Garcia's face, then on Reid's. The latter gave the barest shrug, barely even looking at you.
"You look amazing. Absolutely stunning, darling. I wish I could have an assistant like you," Penelope reassured you. "But in this economy, I can only dream about it. Anyway, my point is, you don't have any pockets. Where are you planning to keep the transmitter and your gun?"
"I was thinking of just tucking it into my skirt. At the back."
"I don’t think that’s the best idea," Reid interjected doubtfully. He hadn’t reclaimed his spot on the swivel chair and stood instead, arms crossed over his chest. The embarrassment you’d managed to put him in (quite adorable, really) was slowly dissipating, leaving only a faint blush on his cheeks. The corner of your mouth twitched when you noticed it. "I mean, it could fall out, or start sticking out, which could lead to questions like why an assistant is walking around with a gun..."
"Okay, I get it," you sighed. You could’ve thought this through a bit better. "Maybe I’ll have time to swing by home and grab, I don’t know, a blazer or something..."
"You won’t," Penelope declared after glancing at the time. "But you can always borrow my jacket."
You looked at the garment draped over the back of her chair—a bright pink leather jacket. You didn’t even bother responding; you simply stared at it, letting the expression on your face do the talking.
"Alright, I admit it, I didn’t think this proposal through. So, it looks like we’ll have to..." She trailed off, her gaze landing on Reid’s figure. Surprised by the attention, he pointed at himself.
You also directed your attention at him. He was wearing a simple brown blazer, which would go well with your unremarkable outfit.
"Take it off," you instructed.
He was silent for a moment, though there was no visible protest on his face—just doubt.
"It’s gonna be too big," he remarked, his hands gently grasping the edges of the jacket as if unsure whether to take it off.
"Apparently, oversized is coming back into fashion."
"Okay, fine," he sighed, removing the jacket. Underneath, he wore a shirt and a black vest, from which a matching tie peeked out. Initially, he seemed hesitant about the idea, but handed it to you with some urgency. "Here you go."
You sent him a brief, grateful smile.
"You’re saving my mission, Reid. I’ll mention you in the report. And I’ll frame your name with a little heart, drawn with one of Penelope’s glitter pens," you declared.
He returned the gesture, the corners of his mouth lifting slightly as he gave a small nod. You noticed his gaze was almost fixed on your face, as if some invisible force were forbidding him to look away, down or sideways.
You didn't think too much about what it meant, you didn't really have time. You put on the blazer, which was indeed a little too long, and hid the transmitter in the inside pocket. You placed the weapon at your hip, concealing it with your clothes. As you were about to leave, you said talk to you later because the two of them were going to communicate with you through the earpiece the entire time. They wished you good luck, and you were just about to leave the desk when Reid, suddenly as if unable to stop himself, said your name one last time.
You looked at him questioningly. Instead of responding, he made an uncertain gesture near his chest. Confused, you looked down.
For the entire time, half of the buttons on your shirt were still undone.
*
You had never met him in person, but you recognized his face from snippets of interviews that occasionally appeared online, or perhaps he had even been on the news a few times. He was in his thirties, give or take five years, hard to tell. His entire persona seemed to be built around the carefree nature of a young eccentric with a sharp mind and an unrestrained tongue, constantly refining his thoughts and conclusions, often controversial, causing an uproar among the public. Without a doubt, he was one of those people often called a genius. Which, not always, was a compliment.
Allen seemed deeply displeased by your presence. He looked… tired. His red hair contrasted with his very pale complexion, as if made of glass, and dark circles rimmed his eyes. He wasn’t shockingly tall, about your height, but with broad shoulders.
"The FBI was supposed to provide me with protection because some psycho is literally trying to kill me, and they send you?" he asked, bitterly, exchanging a brief handshake with you before getting into the car.
You both sat in the back, the driver at the wheel. You were supposed to arrive at the exhibition together. His reaction caught you off guard, his open anger sparking the same feeling in you.
"What's your problem?" you asked. His insulting tone irritated you the most, especially since he hadn’t even had the chance to get to know you.
For a moment, the man sat staring out the window. His body was tense, almost stiff, as if stressed. His elegant attire, with a shirt half-tucked into his pants and too many buttons undone, suggested that he usually dressed more casually.
He let out a heavy sigh, as if furious, then hastily wiped his face with his hand.
"Just..." he began coolly and cautiously, as if holding back some cruel words. "I get the feeling that everyone is downplaying the seriousness of this situation."
"We're all approaching this with the necessary commitment," you replied, though it wasn't entirely true. Allen had every right to fear for his life, but each of you honestly doubted anything would happen to him during this exhibition. If the threat had been real... Hotch probably wouldn't have sent you. "Believe me, we understand the gravity of the situation..."
"Really? Even the letters I've been getting? The content of them?"
You knew about the threats sent by an unknown sender, but you hadn't delved into what exactly they contained. Seeing you hesitate to answer, Allen scoffed.
"You're fucking great at your job, no doubt. So let me fill you in. They come every day. Every fucking day. And I read every single one of them. You know, I've even started seeing a pattern. First, they beg me. Then they threaten to fucking kill me. Smash my face into the ground, beat me to death with a metal rod, rip out my ribs, douse me in gasoline, and set me on fire..." He paused, dramatically scratching his chin. "Oh, almost forgot. They're going to peel the skin off my back. Then there's a day off. No letter comes. The next day, they apologize. I don’t know if this psycho has some extreme split personality or... or... I have no fucking idea. The cops said, get this, it's normal. 'Cause I’m a public figure."
"They brushed it off?" you asked, slightly shaken.
No matter how famous he was, threats were still threats.
He shrugged. He was trying to speak with a voice full of dismissive irony, but it wasn’t working. He stumbled, taking breaks to swallow. Though he had treated you like a complete jerk earlier, you were starting to understand.
“First off, until someone broke into my house and tried to drag me out of bed and take me…God knows where. Probably if I hadn’t had a dog…” he trailed off, glancing back out the window. You’d arrived at the museum, where the exhibition was to be held, but Allen hesitated to get out of the car. “This guy is nuts, whoever he is. I don’t know what to expect from him. He wants to kill me, kidnap me, torture me? Or maybe he’ll just settle for shooting me from a distance like I’m some goddamn Kennedy?”
“That doesn’t really sound like him,” you said in a calming tone. “He tried to kidnap you from your house, why would he suddenly attack you in a public place…”
“My fiancée is pregnant,” he suddenly blurted out.
You blinked, unsure how to respond to the sudden confession.
“Congratulations?”
“For her safety, I sent her very, very far away, somewhere she shouldn’t be in any danger,” he continued, completely ignoring your words. “And though her and the baby’s well-being is my top priority… I also need to take care of myself. I need to make it to their birth…and longer, of course. But that’s why I’m afraid to even go out to the damn store for milk, and that’s why I was so pissed off when I found out they assigned me a woman who, no offense, looks like she wouldn’t know how to hold a gun.”
You instinctively scoffed at his last comment, though it was hard to stay particularly mad at him, knowing everything he was going through. An awkward silence fell between you, heavy and laden, during which the two of you simply stared at each other. It hit you that you were responsible not only for his safety but also for ensuring that someone’s fiancé and future father would make it home.
“We should get going,” you said, nodding toward the museum. Still, you couldn’t help but feel a certain tension at the thought of leaving the car. You shook your head slightly, trying to dispel it. “And just so we’re clear, I do know how to handle a gun—more than you’d think. But for your sake, you better hope we don’t have to put that to the test.”
Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed the corner of his mouth twitch.
"Well then, onward, assistant. Tell me, how much do you know about neurotechnology?"
Well, by the end of this day, you were definitely going to know a lot more. Together with Allen, you crossed the threshold of the museum. Its decor clashed with the theme of the exhibition, but apparently, they hadn’t managed to secure a better location.
The interior layout was harmonious—rounded arches were supported by symmetrically arranged marble columns, and the dominant shades were gold and royal red.
Your destination was the exhibition hall, circular in shape, where mahogany tables served as display stations for various prototypes in the fields of medicine, neurobiology, and informatics. In other parts of the building, there were tall, arched windows, but this particular room had none. No natural light entered; all illumination was generated by lamps that, to their credit, mimicked the natural diffusion of sunlight quite effectively.
Among the displays were an interactive brain map and various projects still in development but aimed at assisting people with disabilities.
You observed all of this with interest while simultaneously listening to your companion’s impromptu lecture on the human brain (apparently, talking helped him calm down). At the same time, you were closely monitoring the crowd around you.
True multitasking.
The exhibition was open to everyone; no one was checking who entered the venue. Although you counted three security guards in the room—dressed in simple black suits and mostly tasked with ensuring that no one tried to steal anything—there was a subtle air of unease hanging in the atmosphere. If Allen’s suspicions were correct, the person intent on ending his life could be one of these faces. To your surprise, however, he suddenly seemed far less concerned about it than you were.
“You don’t have to follow me around like a shadow,” he said, leaning toward you to make himself heard over the murmur of surrounding conversations. A familiar face with a loud, bright red tie waved at him and began making their way over. “Just don’t take your eyes off me, no matter what. And keep an eye out for anyone suspicious—whatever that means to you. Hey, man!”
He greeted his acquaintance with a friendly handshake. Following his instructions, you took a small step back, deciding to take a short stroll among the exhibits. But after barely two steps, your finger went to the discreet earpiece hidden under your hair.
“Are you there, my lovely nerds?” you asked with a playful smile, knowing they couldn’t see it but imagining their reactions.
“At your service!” Garcia responded enthusiastically, and you could almost picture her saluting on the other end.
“And what about Mr. Smartass? Did he get bored and wander off to study the reproductive habits of ants?”
“I heard that!” he replied, summoned by his new nickname. “Such gratitude for letting you borrow my jacket.”
“Speaking of the jacket,” you continued, “I found a candy in the pocket. How thoughtful of you to leave me a little sweet treat.” You weren’t joking; there really was a candy inside. You inspected the wrapper and frowned. “Marzipan? Ugh. Do you have the taste buds of my grandma?”
"To what I know, I haven't had a taste bud transplant. Especially not from anyone's grandmother," he replied nonchalantly. "And as for those ants..."
"Sorry to interrupt, my darlings, but I have a few questions about the sound quality of these new microphones..."
True to her word, Garcia began asking you how well you could hear them and instructed you to lower your voice to a whisper and then raise it sharply. Some sort of test or whatever. You did it all patiently while staring at the red-haired mop at the station across from you. Allen seemed pretty relaxed now, probably realizing nothing was going to happen to him.
"Okay, now do the sound like a chicken. I mean the noise."
"What?"
"You know, cluck."
"Pen, is this really necessary?"
"Yes, sweetie. I need to check something else. Last thing, I swear. Scout’s honor."
You sighed, looking around at the people nearby. Few were paying attention to you, you were just one face in the crowd. God, for something like this, you could ask for a raise.
"Exactly, honey. Just louder," Garcia asked.
You rolled your eyes and tried again to make the chicken sound. An older couple glanced at you, their eyes wide with horror.
"Alright, enough," you muttered, embarrassed, into the earpiece, quickly moving to a different spot.
And then you heard the pair on the other side literally choking with laughter.
"I fucking hate you guys," you said. "I hate you. Especially you, Penelope. Give me Reid on the mic, from now on I'm only talking to him."
Another burst of laughter from the woman. You clenched your jaw. And as if that weren’t enough…
"Did you want to hear me, little chick?" Reid asked politely.
“I should’ve gouged your eye out with a chopstick when I had the chance,” you hissed into the phone, a little too loudly, drawing a few curious glances. You were supposed to be watching for suspicious people, but it turned out you were acting the most suspicious of all…
“Did you catch what she said?” Reid addressed Penelope. “I only heard clucking.”
“Ha-ha,” you rolled your eyes.
For fifteen minutes, you had to endure such jokes. You seriously began to worry that they’d never get tired of it, but finally, after a quarter of an hour of psychological torture, they fell silent. You kept a sharp eye on your surroundings.
“By the way,” you began, still a bit offended by the chicken joke. “You guys should regret not being here to see these inventions. Perfect for you, nerds.”
“Well, actually, we can see them,” Reid’s voice came through the earpiece, sounding very clear, clearly taking the whole mic for himself. “Garcia grabbed footage from the cameras inside the room.”
“So you can see me? This whole time?”
“Yep. And we saw that terrified couple who ran as far away from you as they could as soon as you started clucking like a chicken. Poor souls.”
You ignored the comment and began scanning the room for the cameras. When you found them, you scratched your forehead with your middle finger.
“Can you see this too?”
“I can see how much fun you’re having,” he scoffed. “Are you going to include that in your report?”
“Exactly. Right under your name, framed with a glittery little heart. Any other requests?” Not waiting for his response, you added, “By the way, how do I look in your jacket? Does it fit me well?”
"I think so. I mean, the blazer is incredibly well-tailored. And of good quality. It’s impossible for it to look bad on anyone." He paused for a moment, and his voice grew more serious. "How’s it going? Have you noticed anything suspicious? Still feeling stressed?"
"Not anymore," you admitted, speaking the truth. Even though the exhibition had just started and was supposed to last about another hour, you felt like you had passed some milestone where nothing could go wrong anymore. "But of course, I’m still keeping an eye out. I had a little chat with Allen…"
"I heard," Reid acknowledged. "Very interesting lecture on the human brain, I must admit."
You let out a small laugh.
"I talked to Allen earlier. Still in the car. After what he told me, I don’t think he's a paranoiac. The guy is just really worried about his safety. And not just his.”
A moment of silence fell on both sides.
"Speaking of Allen, he's heading your way," he informed you, likely watching the feed from the cameras. "I guess I'll hear from you later then. I mean, I’ll be hearing you the whole time, just not the other way around. Unless you want me to constantly broadcast about ant reproduction?"
"Sorry, Reid, but I’ll pass. Maybe some other time," you chuckled, noticing the engineer approaching. As he walked, he bumped into a man in the crowd and exchanged a quick apology. You used that moment to add something else, a bit impulsively. "And what about this? Do you see this?"
You pressed the inside of your hand to your lips before unfolding it, sending a kiss toward one of the cameras. Reid was silent as Allen drew closer.
"I see it," he finally admitted, quieter. You regretted not being able to see his expression, it was unusually hard for you to picture it at that particular moment. Was he smiling? "And I like it a lot more than what you showed me earlier."
You turned your back to the camera so he wouldn’t see you smile. It only hit you afterward that he probably saw it anyway, just from a different angle.
"I see you're enjoying the exhibition," Allen said, standing in front of you with his hands in his pockets. He had stopped pretending to be the classy guy and fully embraced his more laid-back side. "So, uh, sorry, but I think I'd rather head out now."
Worried, you discreetly glanced around.
"Did something happen? Did someone stare at you weirdly, do something...?"
He shook his head, a negative gesture.
"Nothing like that. I just saw what I needed to see. Check it off the list, I’m ready to leave..."
After his words, an absolute darkness fell.
Absolute darkness, in the truest sense of the word. The exhibition hall had no windows. When the lights went out, it felt as if someone had tied a cloth tightly over your eyes. Yet, like a fool, you kept looking around, as if moving your head could somehow tear through the blackness enveloping you, freeing you from the growing panic that was slowly flooding your senses.
“Garcia, what’s up with the cameras?” Reid’s voice sounded in your ear. He was confused, not yet frightened. He didn’t know what was happening yet. None of you did.
The people around you, of course, were also surprised by the sudden blackout. A few muffled gasps echoed, one or two squeals, a smattering of curses. But there were no screams, no one tearing at their throats or blindly bolting forward, trampling others in the process. That came later.
Exactly four seconds after the first gunshot rang out.
Before, the world seemed to freeze in place; everyone’s breaths were trapped in their lungs, unwilling to escape, even out of curiosity. Your body lunged forward as if trying to flee, but it quickly dawned on you that there was nowhere to run. Where had the shot come from? Who had fired it? Was someone hurt?
Something—or rather, someone’s hand—clamped painfully around your wrist. Instinctively, you tried to pull free, letting out a sound somewhere between a growl and a garbled cry.
“It’s me,” Allen choked out, his voice trembling. You couldn’t see his silhouette, but you knew the blood had drained from his face. “What the fuck... what the fuck is happen—”
The second shot rang out, closer and sharper than the first. Chaos erupted in the room. Screams, so hysterical they drowned out the voices coming through your earpiece, filled the air. Something struck you hard, sending you stumbling as pain radiated through your shoulder. It was an empty kind of pain—something you felt and yet didn’t. You realized it must have been one of the panicked people charging blindly through the dark.
“Here,” you commanded, your mind snapping briefly into clarity. In your mind’s eye, you pictured the layout of the room before the lights went out. The corner of the hall, the wooden table behind you, where one of the prototypes had been displayed.
You slipped under the table, dragging Allen with you. He groaned as his head hit the underside of the furniture.
You were so utterly disoriented that it felt as though your own name was echoing on a loop inside your head. It took you a moment to realize it wasn’t just your mind playing tricks—it was someone’s voice, growing more familiar with each passing second.
The third gunshot.
Allen choked on his breath, his hand still gripping your wrist so tightly you feared it might snap—yet you didn’t register it as pain, merely as a sensation. The two of you crouched beneath the table, facing each other, teetering on the edge of succumbing to the abyss of panic.
Reid spoke your name again, faintly, as though he were far too close to the microphone. As though leaning in would somehow make you hear him better—make you respond.
“I’m here,” you managed to stammer, the first thing that came to your mind.
"Thank God, I thought..." he sighed, suddenly stopping, as if realizing it wasn't yet time for relief. "Are you... are you hurt?"
"My arm."
You didn't know why those words escaped your lips. Maybe because, although your mind was too occupied with trying to figure out the situation to focus on something like pain, your body couldn’t ignore the fact that it felt it. Against your will, you let out a hiss and finally pulled your hand out of Allen's grip.
"You've been shot? We... we can't see anything, do you have anything to stop the bleeding, maybe use my jacket..."
"I don't know what's happening, we've completely lost access to the camera feed, someone must have turned them all off, just like the power... Reid, immediately notify Hotch, he needs to know something's wrong..."
On the other side, chaos erupted, comparable to the one surrounding you. Penelope was aggressively pressing the keyboard keys, Reid was rushing between a phone conversation with Hotch and throwing random phrases at you like stay where you are or how's your arm?
But was staying put the right decision? Wasn't it just waiting for the person responsible for starting this... massacre to come for you? On the other hand, how were you supposed to escape? In complete darkness? You had a weapon... but what good was it if you couldn't see anything? A sound of resigned sobbing escaped you.
And then, suddenly, right before your eyes, Allen’s red hair materialized, his fingers pressed into his skull as if he wanted to tear it apart himself. You both looked into each other's eyes. Visibility returned.
“We have light,” you said, though it didn’t loosen the grip on your chest.
“What?” Penelope sputtered, confused. “We still can’t see anything, the cameras are still…”
Allen let out a choked cry. You followed his gaze. Just before your hiding spot, a pair of leather shoes stopped.
“Get out,” commanded a male voice. You lifted your head. Above you stood a man with dark facial hair and a submachine gun, looking like an extension of his broad shoulder. You immediately noticed, besides the weapon, he was also carrying a black sports bag slung over his shoulder. Both of you were too disoriented and terrified to follow the order. “I said, fuckin’ get out and against the wall, I won’t repeat myself.”
Like animals herded into a pen, you followed his instructions to the designated spot. The entire crowd inside gathered against one of the blood-red walls of the room, some pressing their backs against it as if that embrace would ensure their safety...
“What’s going on there now?” Reid asked. “We still don’t have a feed... I can hear you breathing,” he blurted out unexpectedly.
You realized that your breath had indeed become heavy and loud. It dawned on you that you hadn’t gone through any extensive training on how to handle a situation like this; you were useless...
“Just...damn it, I know it’s easier for me to say, but try not to panic, okay? Whatever’s going on... panic will only make it worse. You need to focus, please. Can you do that? Breathe? Slowly, like I’m doing now?”
Your hands clenched around the fabric of his jacket, feeling it under your fingers. Closing your eyes, you could almost imagine him standing right in front of you, in this very building, speaking those words. It helped calm you down, at least enough for your mind to stay somewhat communicative...
“Good. Very...very good. Now, can you describe what’s happening over there?”
You knew that every piece of information you passed on would be worth its weight in gold. You tightened your grip on the fabric of Reid's jacket and began scanning your surroundings.
“One shooter. He’s herding us... all of us, against one of the walls and... stuffing prototypes into the bag, every one he can get his hands on,” you reported, describing everything you’d seen. “It looks like a robbery.”
“Just one?” Reid asked. “What were those shots? Someone... got hurt?”
You were about to deny it when your attention was drawn to a bloodstain spreading across the marble floor at the opposite corner of the room. Allen nudged you, pointing to something else—a body lying motionless.
“Guards. He... he killed all the guards,” you recognized them by their uniforms, the words barely escaping your throat. So, he hadn’t hesitated to kill, not one of those inexperienced types with any moral inhibitions. Trying to make sense of everything happening around you, you pressed your hand to your forehead. “But... but how could he see them in this darkness...”
“Night vision,” Allen interrupted suddenly, his previously hunched figure straightening as he realized it.
You found the man busy with the theft and controlling the area. He was quite solidly built, you could compare him to Derek. And, as the engineer had observed, around his neck hung a device for seeing in the dark.
“The police have arrived outside the museum, but they won’t go inside as long as you’re trapped with him. They don’t want anyone to get hurt,” Penelope informed you, then let out a soft, wheezing breath, as if she was trying to calm herself down. “Sweetheart, the whole team is on their way too. From now on, you’re our informant…”
“Is Christopher Allen among you?” A commanding voice suddenly cut through the sheet of panic blanketing the room, drawing everyone’s attention. It belonged to a truly imposing man with a shaved head and a forehead lined with wrinkles that seemed to stem more from exhaustion than age. But by far, the most significant detail about him was the submachine gun he held in his hands.
Two. There were two shooters.
Your focus shifted to the man standing right in front of you, as if delivering some kind of speech. At first, you didn’t even register what he’d asked. He repeated the question quickly and impatiently, and you froze. Not that you’d been particularly active before, but in that moment, all your bodily functions seemed to shut down completely. You couldn’t bring yourself to look at Allen—not even for a fleeting glance.
“Christopher Allen. Biotech engineer. He should be here,” the man continued, scanning the faces in front of him almost desperately, searching for the one he needed. He sounded almost... distraught? That broken expression, teetering on the edge of tears and madness, starkly contrasted with his militaristic physique.
Suddenly, his accomplice appeared, tugging at his arm.
“Jesus, give it a rest. We need to get out of here. The car’s waiting for us, remember?”
He shoved the smaller man with a force befitting his build, sending him staggering backward.
“I’m not leaving until I talk to him!” he declared with furious determination. “Christopher Allen…”
“You’ve gotta be shitting me…”
“Allen…”
His eyes scanned the surroundings until they landed on the two of you. You felt someone lightly wrap their fingers around your forearm, gripping it almost instinctively. It wasn’t a strong or painful hold, but rather one born of genuine fear, seeking protection. Protection that, from the start, had been your responsibility to provide. Yet now, standing face to face with two armed assailants, with lifeless bodies lying in pools of blood in the same room…you felt the crushing weight of an obligation you were physically incapable of fulfilling, creating a storm of chaos within your mind.
Allen must have been fooling himself into thinking he could blend into the crowd and remain unnoticed. Even as everyone’s gaze began to focus on him, urgently and with some unspoken hope, he stubbornly stood still. Or was he simply paralyzed by fear?
For the first time since he was called out, you looked at him. His eyes conveyed one thing: a simple message. It was him. The man who had been sending him threats, the one who had broken into his house. You furrowed your brows, this whole situation was becoming incomprehensible. He cared so much about kidnapping the engineer that he had organized the heist at the exhibition where he was supposed to be?
“Come here. I need to talk to you, you… you need to do something for me.”
Once again, in your ears, you heard the description of the tortures that were mentioned in the letter.
"You have to do this," you said very softly, almost a whisper. "We can't let him get angry. Do you hear me?"
It seemed like your words weren’t reaching him at all. You nervously glanced at the gunmen, hoping that the command you had given hadn’t raised any suspicion or made them think you were trying to outsmart them, deceive them in some way. Slowly, but with deep remorse, you loosened Allen’s grip on your forearm. His chest wasn’t rising, as if he weren’t breathing. But then his gaze shifted, not to you, but to the people around you, to the ones standing in fear, waiting for his reaction. Something in his face shifted, then he took a step forward.
“Slowly,” you instructed.
It seemed like the best solution. Unsub knew that the person he was looking for was among you, he had identified him without any difficulty. Allen couldn’t hide or escape, all that was left for him was to comply with the orders, for his own sake and for everyone else's. It was also important that he stalled for time. You hoped that as soon as your team arrived, they’d be able to come up with something. Maybe they were already there, working to make contact with the shooters and free you all, alive and unharmed.
At the same time, someone called your name.
"Report in."
It was Hotch. At the sound of his stoic voice, a fleeting wave of relief washed over you. You even parted your lips to answer when you realized the second gunman was staring at you. The room fell into absolute silence as Allen slowly approached them. You shouldn’t reveal that you were with the FBI or any other agency—that was a basic rule…
"Listen to me carefully now," the unsub spat, placing one of his massive hands on Allen's shoulder, causing him to almost buckle under the forceful touch. Someone behind you let out a muffled cry. "You need to remove it from me, do you understand?"
"Shit," his partner muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. He was holding a bag with the stolen equipment, constantly glancing toward the exit. You wondered if he had anything to do with the threats sent to Allen. "Shit, we need to get the hell out of here before the cops completely block our escape. We don't have time for your fucking delusions!"
“Remove…?” the baffled engineer repeated, completely thrown off.
“The chip. The one inside me. Right here, on the back of my neck.” The man jabbed a finger at the spot. “Someone has to cut it out of me. You work with brains—you must know how to do it. He’s controlling me, watching my thoughts… I saw an interview with you once. I know you’re the only one who can do this…”
The man’s words devolved into a stream of incoherent rambling. Allen had no idea how to respond, and silence stretched on the other end of the phone. Meanwhile, the second gunman tried once again to persuade his partner to escape, but this only triggered an explosive burst of rage that made everyone around them shrink in fear.
“Shut up, or I’ll blow your head off too!” the man shouted. “I’ve waited too long for this. I don’t give a damn about all that crap you stole. I don’t care if they catch me. He’s going to cut out that chip!”
“What chip?” Allen finally managed to stammer. “I don’t understand…”
“The chip the government implanted in me to control me! That’s why no hospital will remove it—they’re all under government control! Only you can do it!”
“The unsub is delusional, that much is clear,” Reid’s voice suddenly crackled in your earpiece, catching you by surprise. He must have made it from Penelope’s office to the museum—where he joined Hotch and the rest of the team—at an impressive speed. “The reality he’s constructed is starting to blur with actual reality, which makes him extremely dangerous. Just from the tone of his speech, you can tell he’s emotionally unbalanced and on the brink of a breakdown. Unfortunately, this means his actions could be erratic and violent, with a strong tendency toward escalation.”
"What can I do?" you whispered as quietly as possible, taking advantage of the commotion in the center of the room.
"Are you there? Can you speak safely?" he asked, exhaling a breath of trapped air. "I mean... What you can do, first and foremost, is stay cautious. Don’t say or do anything that could provoke him further," he instructed, his tone turning focused and determined to provide you with as much guidance as possible. You nodded almost imperceptibly as you listened, as if he could see you. At some point, your fingers began nervously clutching the fabric of his blazer again, a small, unconscious tic.
"Don’t confront his delusions—or rather, don’t outright deny them. Try not to introduce any new elements either, to avoid deepening his paranoia, alright? That could put you in even greater danger..."
"Above all, try to redirect his anger away from Allen and the other hostages," Hotch cut in. "We’re working on a way to get inside. You just need to buy us some time."
Buy some time, it was easy for him to say, you thought with sudden frustration. What exactly could you do? It was incredibly hard to make any decisions when you were fully aware that their consequences could result in the death of an innocent person—or people.
Allen was still in front of the unsub, gripped tightly by the gun-wielding man, slightly shaking his head from side to side, clearly overwhelmed by the situation.
"But... but how am I supposed to get the chip out, do you really believe the government..."
"He doesn’t have the right tools," you interrupted, taking a step forward to draw the shooters’ attention to you. You raised your hands in a gesture of surrender as soon as you found yourself in the second man’s line of sight. You were scared of the direction Allen was heading in—after all, Reid had told you not to deny his delusions. Though you weren’t sure it was the right approach, you tried to make eye contact with the unsub. You had a feeling that he might only fully understand what you were trying to convey if you did.
Everyone was looking at you now. Nervously, you swallowed before speaking again.
"If you want him to remove the chip from your body... you’ll need at least a scalpel. Well, and if it was implanted by the government... that might not be enough?"
To your surprise, the second attacker spoke up.
"She's right, Erick, we don't have anything like that. Leave him, we need to get out of here... though fuck, it probably doesn't matter anymore, I wonder if the police have already caught our driver..."
You hoped that the team had heard this and started looking for suspicious vehicles in the area. Erick, or rather the unsub, began to stare intensely at you, analyzing what you'd said.
"Keep it up," Reid said. "It looks like you’ve planted some doubt in his mind about his own plan. You can keep going in that direction, just please, please, be careful..."
"Reid," Hotch admonished him.
You took a deep breath, your mind was working so fast that it was starting to go blank. You had to say something more before it consumed you entirely.
"But... but I'm sure that if you had met under different circumstances, outside the museum, he would have been able to extract the chip..."
"No! I've waited too long, I can't stand having this crap under my skin for another minute! He'll take it out now, or he won't leave here!"
Allen's raised hands trembled at those words.
"How can we communicate with the police? Is there a phone here?" he asked his companion.
"Are you fucking out of your mind..."
"They'll bring us the equipment. A scalpel. They won't have a choice, or I'll shoot them all, one by one."
"We should focus on how to get out of here..."
"I DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT!" the unsub roared at him. Fueled by this outburst, he shoved Allen away so forcefully that the man fell to the floor. The startled man took a step back, unable to hide his fear. It was clear who had the final say in this duo. Erick was not only physically larger, most likely more ruthless, but above all, incredibly unpredictable. Without looking at you, he issued an order.
"Everyone sit against the wall, you too." Allen awkwardly got to his feet and almost ran to the indicated spot.
You didn't want to sit, to put yourself in an even more vulnerable position. But when a man with a submachine gun and a completely deranged gleam in his eyes is standing in front of you, you don't have much of a choice. Slowly, you sat down on the floor, surrounded by all these terrified people.
You studied the faces of everyone around you—scientists and random people who had ended up here simply because they were intrigued by the exhibit's theme. And that innocent curiosity had led them into such a hopeless situation, where each breath, drawn into trembling lungs, could prove to be the final one. What terrified you was the fact that the only thing distinguishing you from them was the tiny microphone pinned to your clothes and the earpiece in your ear.
The woman sitting next to you, so close that your elbows were touching, looked as though she was about to faint. Without hesitation, you offered her your hand, which she took with no resistance. In situations like that, the escape from fear was desperately sought wherever it could be found—even among strangers.
“What’s happening in there now?” Hotch asked.
You explained the situation to him as clearly and logically as possible, correcting anything they might have missed due to their lack of actual insight into what was happening inside the museum. The woman beside you looked at you strangely, smudged mascara around her eyes.
“Please don’t worry,” you whispered, making sure none of the attackers could hear you. Though maybe you shouldn’t have, you felt you needed to reveal yourself to her, to help her survive the nightmare she had found herself in. “I’m... a federal agent. I have contact with the team outside, they’re working on how to get us out of here.”
You didn’t know if those words had particularly soothed her fear—just as you spoke them, Allen practically pressed himself against you, trying to whisper something into your ear.
“Give me your gun,” he practically ordered.
You looked at him with your eyebrows raised in shock. No words were needed. Your face clearly expressed one big what?
He looked like one of those people going on and on about a newly invented device they had been working on for years, staying up every night. In his eyes was a comparable crazy but incredibly self-assured gleam.
“I know you have it, but you won’t use it. Because you're scared. And I don’t blame you!” he quickly added, moving slightly away from you. Still, your faces were tilted toward each other in a conspiratorial whisper.
“But listen to me. He cares about me, right? Or rather, he cares that I get the nonexistent chip from him. He won’t hurt me when I get closer, he’s too desperate, in his eyes, I’m his only chance…”
“You must have lost your mind,” you said through clenched teeth. Was he really willing to take such a risk and play the hero when he and his fiancée were expecting a child? “And what about the other guy, huh? Do you think he’ll just stand there calmly when...?”
“Then I’ll shoot him first. I used to go to the shooting range, I was pretty good at it. The other one will be too scared to hurt me, and then I...”
“Absolutely not,” Reid interjected.
You snorted.
“As if I would even consider it…” you muttered. Looking at Allen, you tapped your forehead. “No way. You’re not risking your life on such a stupid plan where everything could go wrong…”
“Do you think I’m asking for your opinion?” he hissed, clutching his head in desperation. “The answer is no. I’m just saying, give me your gun. Where is it?”
As he said this, he grabbed the fabric of your blazer, searching under it for what he so desperately wanted. You tried to catch his hand, but he trapped it in his grip, digging through the layers of your clothes, under your skirt. You jerked your whole body in an attempt to break free.
“Leave me alone, they’ll notice us soon…”
“What’s he doing?” Reid asked sharply. Although he couldn’t see what was happening, his voice was not only confused, but also clearly worried, maybe even angry.
“Just give it to me, what the hell does it hurt…”
His hand, despite your resistance, finally reached the grip of your gun, slightly sliding it out from beneath your skirt. You shot a quick glance toward the attackers, still engrossed in their conversation—or rather, argument. Terrified by the thought that they might notice what Allen was pulling from under your clothing, you instinctively swung at his face, causing his head to snap back with a muffled cry of pain.
“What language do I need to speak for you to understand? What you’re planning is idiotic,” you said, your words flowing together with a surprisingly calm yet furious ease. You struggled to keep your voice low, feeling as though shouting might make him grasp it faster. But that wasn’t an option. “You’d risk not only your life but everyone else’s,” you said, gesturing toward what you now had no choice but to call the hostages. “And no one wants to die because of some brainless idiot with a hero complex.”
After you hit him, Allen backed away to a distance that no longer invaded your personal space. With your breath quickened, you adjusted the position of the gun, suddenly panicked that it might fall out during his attempt to grab it against your will. Despite yourself, a strange feeling overcame you. Out of everyone—of all the people trapped in the museum—you were the only one with even minimal knowledge of what to do in this situation, the only one with outside communication to the police, and, most importantly... a weapon. And yet, with that arsenal at your disposal, you were doing embarrassingly little to improve the situation.
Your jaw tightened at the thought, your fists clutching the fabric of your blazer so hard that your knuckles turned white. It was astonishing how much that small action helped you regain your composure. Not just the feel of the fabric but also... the scent. You could almost imagine you weren’t entirely alone in this. And though you wouldn’t trade places with Reid or anyone else from the team for anything, you couldn’t shake the feeling they would handle this far better than you were.
And speaking of Reid...
"Are you okay?" he asked again, his tone much softer than before.
"I'm fine," you tried to give your voice a casual, almost dismissive tone, though you doubted you fully succeeded in masking the tension. You let out a helpless scoff in an attempt to lighten it. "I mean, fine as much as one can be fine in this situation..."
You trailed off, and he hesitated before replying.
"Hang in there, okay?" he said, so quietly you thought you might have misheard. It made you wonder if it was because he didn’t want anyone else to overhear what he was saying into the mic. If that were the case, was it because he didn’t want anyone accusing him of chatting with you when he should be doing something more important? Or maybe, he just didn’t want this simple yet anxious message to reach unwelcome ears and lose its sense of privacy. You heard him swallow. "We’ll get you all out of there soon. Garcia got the phone number of one of the attackers, the delusional one—his name’s Erick Larson, by the way. If he has it on him..."
As if on cue, the sound of an incoming call rang out. They stopped talking, and the surprised man reached into his pocket.
"What are you going to do? Negotiate?" you asked.
"Hotch is going to talk to him. The main goal is to get the hostages released."
The word hostage sounded so strange to you; you couldn’t connect it to your situation. A hostage didn’t have a gun tucked under their clothing or communicate with an FBI team through an earpiece. Those people, holding each other's hands in fear and huddled on the floor, were the hostages. Not you.
"Can you stay on the line?" the words slipped out before you could stop them. "Just, I don’t know... tell me how it really is with those ants or something." You squeezed your eyes shut as a wave of embarrassment crashed over you. You were acting like a scared child who needed a bedtime story to forget the monster under the bed. "Forget it, that’s stupid. You’ve probably got your hands full. Focus on helping us, on the negotiations."
"I'm still on the line," he reassured you, even before the echo of your last words faded. "And I’ll stay on it the whole time. And since talking to you might help you not lose your mind in there... well, I guess that counts as helping all of you. The information you’ve given us, everything you’ve told us... you’re playing a crucial role in all of this."
"I don’t think so. I could be doing so much more."
"Like what, something that idiot was planning?" he asked, stressing the word idiot. "Please, don’t even think about it. You’re doing exactly what’s needed. You’re not sticking your neck out, you’re staying in contact with us. You’re calming the others down, like that woman. That... that’s heroism, not blindly rushing at two armed men."
Moved by his words, you weakly smiled. You’d forgotten again that he couldn’t see you, or maybe it was just automatic.
"Stop, I’m going to blush. But... but thank you, Reid."
"You don’t need to thank me. Oh, he picked up..."
And indeed, Erik pressed the phone to his ear, probably realizing that it was the police trying to make contact. You fixed your gaze on him.
A completely new stage of the robbery was beginning, one on which everything depended—negotiations.
*
Spencer had never had a particular obsession with control.
In the vast majority of crisis situations, all he needed was a deep understanding of the causes and course of events. A thorough analysis of what had happened so far, drawing conclusions based on that, and then coming up with possible solutions, each with its pros and cons, which he also had to consider.
It involved emotionally distancing himself from the situation and relying on advice from his trusty friend—logic. And when he was guided by that cold logic, he didn’t feel the need to actively participate in what was happening around him or take any direct control. But in that particular moment—ever since he had heard the first shot coming from inside the museum, shortly after losing access to the cameras—he was almost losing his mind over how little he could do. Powerlessness was the first blow, the fact that her life, and others', depended on a man with probable schizophrenia, driven by dangerous delusions, the second, much stronger one.
As with every hostage situation, a makeshift operations camp was set up outside the building, where all necessary units gathered. Garcia stayed at her post, but he saw no other option but to go there personally. The rest of the team quickly gathered, and Hotch arrived so fast it seemed like he lived just around the corner. After all, there was a member of his team inside, the one he had sent there, never expecting such a turn of events. The two perpetrators, who were working together, seemed to have two completely different goals. One, apparently, was persuaded to go along with a simple robbery and escape. The second, Erick, however, had a different, more complicated desire from the start. He wanted Allen, who was supposed to extract a non-existent chip from his body, allegedly implanted by the government.
Allen. He spoke that name with an incomprehensible bitterness and disdain. He was disgusted by his thoughtlessness, pure stupidity. Though he was familiar with his achievements in the field of neurotechnology, he couldn't call him a scientist, really not anything other than an idiot. And it was all because he had nearly put her and everyone else in danger, because he pressured her so much that she had to defend herself by striking him in the face. He remembered how once they had slept in the same bed, so small that they almost fell off it and were forced to lie literally on top of each other. By accident, he had jabbed her with his elbow in the ribs, and before he could even whisper an apology, she hit him with such force that he lost his breath. He hoped Allen had taken an even harder blow.
He forced himself back to reality, as everyone gathered around Hotch, who was leaning over the phone. The unsub had answered, and the discussion began.
"We'll deliver what you need. All the equipment. But first, you must release the innocent people inside and promise you won't hurt anyone else. Not Allen, or anyone."
They argued, a lot. Of course, they wanted him to let everyone go, which was, realistically, impossible. Eventually, the number sixteen was agreed upon, a little more than half of the people present.
Through the microphone clipped to her clothes, they could hear him pointing at the people who were to be released. The second perpetrator seemed to have completely given in to his paranoid companion, and stopped trying to convince him to escape. He must have realized it was already too late for that.
“You’re the one who’s leaving,” he said, his words very clear, suggesting he was standing very close to her, pointing at her.
Spencer straightened up, a sudden rush of premature relief washing over him. Premature—that was the key word.
“No,” she protested sharply. “No, let her go instead of me. She’s older and not feeling well. I should stay…”
He pressed the microphone to his mouth, trying to talk her out of it.
“Do what they say, resisting might make him angry…”
“No, Reid, she’s right,” Hotch interrupted him. Spencer looked at his boss in surprise, shaking his head in confusion. Instead of explaining his decision to him, Hotch turned to her.
“You have to do everything you can to stay inside. You’re our only source of information, our access to what’s happening in there.”
“Hotch…”
Someone, JJ, placed a hand on his shoulder, stopping him from protesting further. It dawned on him that they were right, but... it was hard for him to accept. It was true that, as an FBI agent, part of her duty sometimes meant risking her life for the greater good. Still, this decision made his hands ball into fists, and he had to take a deep breath to steady himself. Suddenly, it struck him that if an unfamiliar agent, not a member of the BAU, not his friend, and someone who hadn’t shared a bed with him when his fear of the dark grew stronger, were in the same situation... he would have agreed with Hotch without hesitation.
“I told you to leave, so you leave. There’s gotta be sixteen people, or they won’t bring it to me, goddammit.”
“So let someone else go…” She cut off abruptly, a rustling sound echoing through the air, as if— as if he tugged at her clothes. Spencer almost spoke again but stopped herself. The same thought had crossed Hotch’s face, he saw it.
“Seriously, this will be better. I... I can help with removing the chip...”
“Allen has to do it.”
“Yes, but…” her voice grew more desperate, trying to come up with something more, an excuse to fulfill her duty.
“Oh, what don’t you understand, you stupid bitch…”
Spencer anticipated the sudden outburst of aggression, he had felt it building for a while. Though the unsub was unpredictable, his anger rose and fell within mere seconds, Spencer knew it was all heading in that direction. So, he squeezed his eyes shut just before the horrible, dull thud rang out, followed by a muffled cry of pain. Then the sound was drowned out by a rush, something like a thud, and he could only guess that she had fallen to the floor.
He didn't open his eyes, but something pricked at his chest. He knew that if he looked at Hotch, he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from giving him a big, i told you so. It wasn’t even about being right—he didn’t care about that, not at that moment. What mattered to him was that nothing happened to her, and that was exactly what had just happened.
No one from the team said a word, though Derek turned his gaze away from the speaker, his expression one of discomfort, like someone averting their eyes from an unpleasant scene. Hotch stared at some fixed point ahead, his face unreadable, before leaning into the microphone just as—
“What the hell is this?!” the unsub suddenly screamed. “A gun? Why the hell does she have a gun on her?!”
Reid’s eyes shot open as he nearly dropped to his knees by the microphone, as if somehow that could help. The weapon must have slipped out when she fell, sliding free from where it had been concealed beneath her clothes…
He noticed Elle nervously biting her thumb, her face pale as a sheet. He read the same grim, terrified realization on her face that had already taken root in everyone’s minds. She was burned. Her cover as the assistant was completely blown.
“He can’t find out she’s FBI,” Gideon declared, leaning heavily against the edge of the table. “He’s a paranoid maniac who thinks the government is after him. If he realizes a federal agent has been in there the entire time…”
“Wait!” the second attacker spoke up. He had long since given up and was now quietly following his partner’s orders. “I heard the hostages talking... something about there being someone from the FBI among them, someone who’s in contact with the cops. I thought they were just talking crap, but...”
“How does he know that?” JJ asked, her lips slightly parted in shock.
“She told one of the women,” Spencer blurted out, though it felt like the words came from someone else. Some part of him—still detached from the full realization of what her exposure meant—clung to the fragments of logic not yet consumed by his nerves. “To calm her down... but that woman must have passed it on to someone else.”
“FBI?” the unsub repeated, almost in a daze. “Fucking FBI?”
The sound of something slamming echoed sharply—an explosion of frustration and shock. Every pained whimper, every labored breath she took, reached Spencer with cruel clarity, amplified by that damned new microphone clipped to her chest, capturing every sound in merciless detail.
He wanted to cover his ears, to block it out, but he couldn’t. His lower lip trembled, caught between screaming or vomiting the moment he opened his mouth.
Covering his ears would have been a selfish gesture, one that would only bring relief to him. She didn’t have that option; all that was left for her was to endure, as he assumed, the next kicks...
He lowered his head, not looking at the others, not wanting to see their equally helpless expressions. And although he hated himself for even thinking about it, he took two steps to move away. To escape from this place, from these sounds. Because he simply couldn’t bear them.
However, he didn’t get far; he staggered as if drunk and had to grab the table tightly to keep from falling. JJ, in some protective impulse that she probably wasn’t even aware of, reached out her hand, wanting to touch his shoulder, but he pushed her away.
“I’m calling him,” Hotch announced, immediately moving into action. “Maybe that’ll stop him…”
“Check if she has a microphone on her. If she’s with the FBI, she could have been spying on us the whole time,” suggested the second attacker, in a strangely satisfied tone. He was probably some sadistic bastard who enjoyed this turn of events.
This caused Erik to stop his attack. He completely ignored the incoming call. She took a breath, inhaling deeply, though it clearly caused her pain.
“She has…”
The unsub’s voice became very clear, he must have located the microphone and then disconnected it from her clothing, carefully watching him.
“We need to go in, we have to do something,” Elle said desperately, but it didn’t stir anyone else.
Yes, they needed to do something, but... what? Going in meant putting the hostages at risk, and their survival was the priority.
"I knew the government was spying on me," Erick muttered to himself, the microphone had probably slipped from his hand and fallen to the ground. "Not just with the chip, but they also sent that fucking..." He kicked her. "...agent."
"Give it to me," Spencer requested, exhaling with a resigned hiss. He was, of course, referring to the microphone. She still had the earpiece in; she could hear him. He didn’t yet know what he intended to say. Maybe he’d ask her to stay strong? Assure her that it would all be over soon? Would that even count as a lie if he had no real certainty they could take any action to save her? Or was this one of those morally gray situations where a lie was better than the truth?
Without protest, someone handed the microphone to him, practically shoving it into his hands.
But then they lost the connection.
The unsub must have destroyed it, stomping the microphone underfoot.
And before it happened—before the static filled the line—a gunshot rang out.
Spence found himself sitting on a chair. Not that he’d blacked out in the literal sense, but one moment he was standing upright, and the next he was slumped onto the seat—probably the only chair in their makeshift camp across from the museum. It was one of those folding chairs made of black metal and unbelievably uncomfortable. For some reason, their look always reminded him of golf courses in the blazing sun. Sometimes they’d be there… wait, why the hell was he thinking about chairs?
Disoriented, he lifted his gaze. Derek was pacing back and forth, his hands on his head, while Elle and JJ were nowhere in sight. Hotch stood in front of him, turned slightly to the side, eyes fixed on the ground, a phone pressed to his ear. His rolled-up sleeves exposed tense veins on his forearms, his hands clenched into fists.
“You killed a hostage,” Hotch said the moment the attacker picked up. Hearing the words spoken aloud, the gunshot echoed again in Spencer’s mind. He flinched, though he hadn’t the first time it happened for real.
It really happened. This wasn’t some hysterical thought creeping into your mind when someone you care about is late to a meeting and doesn’t pick up their phone, the kind of thought where your brain starts whispering that something terrible must have happened. It wasn’t a dream either, nor a nightmare blending with reality. And it wasn’t some devastating novel, a climactic moment designed to shatter the reader’s heart into pieces.
This
really
happened.
"I’ll remind you of the terms of our agreement," Hotch continued. His tone was usually sharp, leaving no room for argument. But now, having just lost a member of his team and addressing the person responsible for it, his words didn’t just cut—they sliced. Spencer fixed his gaze on him, unable to comprehend how Hotch could remain so composed in the moment. He himself…
“You don’t harm anyone else, and in return, we provide you with the necessary tools. Shooting that innocent person…”
How did it come to this—that the person who, just that morning, ordered Chinese food with him to calm her nerves; who had teasingly told him to clip the microphone onto her, leaving him flustered; whose sweet scent of hair lingered so strongly in his senses that he had to hold his breath just to focus; who, one moment, could make him laugh until tears blurred his vision, and the next, worry so deeply about her that he felt feverish with concern; who listened, truly listened, even when he had grown tired of his own voice; who helped him discover pieces of himself he hadn’t known were there; who revealed, day after day, some new and enchanting fragment of her soul; and whose laughter made him want to capture its melody, bottle it, and keep it for eternity—was now reduced to the cold, detached phrase an innocent person shot dead?
He realized his mind had become entirely consumed with replaying those moments. Thanks to his eidetic memory, each recollection was painfully vivid, yet at the same time—perhaps due to the awareness of what came next—filled with a paralyzing void. Detached from reality, he wasn’t even listening to the ongoing negotiations, only snapping back when the shadow of someone’s figure fell over him.
“Spencer,” Gideon called his name, alternating between looking at him with concern and averting his gaze, as if unable to bear the shattered expression on his face. “Did you hear what Hotch said?”
He couldn’t bring himself to shake his head, though he doubted it was necessary. Rarely did something fail to interest him, especially something Hotch had said, but whatever it was, it had landed firmly in that narrow category. After all, what could Hotch possibly have said? That he’d reached an agreement with the murderer, who would now release eighteen hostages instead of sixteen? Or perhaps, in an act of twisted mercy, he’d declared that once they brought the requested items, the killer would allow one person to go inside and retrieve her body?
He had seen many bodies with gunshot wounds to the head in his life. A vision of her with similar injuries haunted him, so vivid and detailed that he closed his eyes in an attempt to escape it. But the moment he did, the image only grew stronger, searing itself into his mind with unbearable clarity.
"He wants you to go inside pretending to be a surgeon. That’s what the unsub is asking for in exchange for the hostages. Your task would be to fake removing a chip from his body, pulling off one of your magic tricks," Gideon explained matter-of-factly, though his expression betrayed a certain doubt about the plan. He suddenly fell silent, hesitation creeping into his voice. "If you can’t do it… this isn’t an order, kid. No one will blame you if you say no."
“We didn’t know it would be such a terrible mistake,” Gideon said quietly.
“Well, that’s the thing about mistakes,” he scoffed bitterly. “You don’t usually realize you’re making them. But you should be able to predict them, especially when someone’s…” His voice broke, and he looked away, his anger momentarily crumbling into something rawer.
Even though he had lashed out at Gideon, the older man didn’t react with anger. Instead, he stared at Spencer with a calm, almost sorrowful expression. When Spencer stood, he felt the weight of Gideon’s hand resting on his numb shoulder.
“I’ll do it,” he declared after a moment.
There was no fear in his voice, no visible sign of stress. Under different circumstances, he’d likely have been unraveling, nerves fraying at the thought of entering the building with the task of saving her. But now…now all he wanted was to stand face-to-face with the man inside. More specifically, next to his neck. With a scalpel in hand.
There was no time to waste. He practiced his sleight of hand trick—making the chip suddenly appear in his palm—a few times. It had been a while since he’d done it, but even so, it came off flawlessly every time. He clenched the small device tightly in his hand and, before he knew it, found himself standing at the foot of the museum steps.
The doors opened, and the first hostages began to emerge. Their reactions followed the same pattern. First came the shock—the struggle to process that they were truly stepping outside again, alive. Then, as they began to accept it, their terrified, hesitant steps turned into a relieved jog, and their eyes brimmed with tears of gratitude.
Spencer stopped, his gaze fixed on the faces of random strangers as they rushed past. Somewhere, deep down, he held onto a foolish, fleeting hope that she might appear in those doors as well. She didn’t, of course.
But if she had… he thought, his chest tightening at the mere idea. If she had, he wasn’t sure he’d ever stop being thankful. Not necessarily to God, but to everything—every twist of fate—that had brought her back.
He had seen the interior of the building on the camera footage and had managed to memorize it. He knew exactly where to head to meet the unsub. The unsub was standing right in the center of the room. Spencer knew there had to be a second shooter somewhere, but he was afraid to look around. If his gaze happened to land on her, not only would his chip trick fail, but he was also certain he’d never be able to shake the image from his mind. It would embed itself in every cell of his brain, one after the other.
He focused all his attention on him, on Erik. He turned to him trustingly, showing the spot on his neck where he believed the chip was located. Everything about his posture radiated the peak of madness. His voice and expression oscillated between hope, desperation, paranoia, and much more that could be listed.
Spencer tried to concentrate on the chip in his hand, not on the scalpel in his other hand. He knew it would be incredibly foolish, but as he was so close to this man's throat, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He realized that the only thing holding him back was the awareness that the second shooter was likely keeping him in their sights. It was almost certain; he didn’t need to look around to know that. But as soon as the blade touched the man’s skin at the back of his neck, his gaze, against his will, began searching. He looked at the wall where the remaining hostages were gathered, the ones who hadn’t made it into the lucky sixteen. He didn’t find the shooter.
But he found her. If he weren’t wearing his glasses, he might have assumed he’d mistaken her for some other woman. He could only blame his brain and possible hallucinations... but before he could entertain those thoughts, one simple sentence took over his mind.
She was there. Blood dripping from her nose, clothes torn, curled up on the ground among the rest of the hostages, but she was there. She was there, alive.
*
When you stood up for that woman, a brief struggle broke out between you and the unsub. He ordered you to go outside, but the voice in your ear told you to stay inside at all costs. Unsure of what to do, you started mumbling excuses and explanations, leading to an argument... during which he swung his weapon at you, aiming for your face.
As you fell, your weapon—clumsily shoved into your clothing after an argument with Allen—slipped out. And then things escalated rapidly.
Upon learning you were with the FBI, the unsub went into his usual paranoid frenzy. He dropped the microphone he had taken from you, and the heavy kicks of his leather boots landed on your body, on your ribs, on your back. You could barely keep up with protecting yourself, as the blows kept coming faster and faster.
And in that moment, something happened that probably saved your life. But at the same time, it cost another man and his family everything.
Allen sprang at the second attacker, who was almost hypnotized by the injuries being inflicted on you. He seized the moment of distraction, yanking the weapon from his hand and turning it against its owner. You remembered the fleeting look of triumph on his face as he aimed it at Erik. And then, the look of confusion when he was overtaken and the bullets tore through his body.
Somewhere in that moment, your microphone must have been destroyed, leaving you without contact with the team. And without it... you were just like any other hostage. Beaten, forced to stem the blood running from your nose with your blazer. You remembered glancing at it, running your finger over the fabric soaked in crimson, and thinking you'd have to wash it before returning it to Reid. Then, the hopeless realization hit you that maybe you wouldn’t get the chance to do that, and helpless tears filled your eyes for the first time.
It was strange that the unsub decided to spare you. Was it the incoming phone call that distracted him? Or perhaps the death of Allen? Was he the reason for this whole attack? You weren’t sure, maybe both at once. But you managed to return to your spot against the wall, where the other hostages had moved as far away as they could from the two lifeless bodies lying in a pool of blood.
Behind your back, the unsub was arguing with the police, probably Hotch. You weren’t paying attention to their negotiations, instead kneeling beside Allen. Completely staining your clothes, you reached for his hand. His eyes were wide open, his chest... maybe rising slightly, or maybe it was just your perception. In any case, you didn’t grab him to check his pulse, to see if there was anything that could be done to save him. You knew there wasn’t. You took his hand in a gesture of gratitude for everything, filled with sincere and deep compassion, despite everything that had happened between you. Maybe he turned out to be a jerk in that one, crisis situation where it’s normal for people to lose their minds. But what mattered was what kind of man he was in everyday, calm conditions. What kind of friend, fiancé, father he was.
You froze in place, staring at his face, his messy red hair. You snapped back to reality only when you realized the unsub was releasing the hostages. You weren’t part of that group. He didn’t look at you, or Allen, or his dead accomplice, as if you didn’t exist. The people were let out of the building, and then…
You nearly jumped to your feet at the sight of Reid, but the sharp pain in your ribs stopped you. Instead, you stared at him, confused as to why he’d gotten himself into such a messed-up situation alone. No one was with him, and you couldn’t even tell if he was carrying a weapon. Why was he taking such a risk? Couldn’t they have sent someone else?
Although your gaze bored into him, asking without words, he stubbornly avoided looking at you. It took a while, but then it hit you—he’d probably been told to hide the fact that you knew each other. He was pretending to be a surgeon, you realized.
You watched in shock as the unsub dropped his weapon and turned his back to Reid, begging him quietly to remove the chip from his body.
Before Reid touched the scalpel to his neck, he looked straight at you. You couldn’t read the expression on his face, but you knew there was a lot going on. It was a long moment of eye contact, which he broke to get to work. Focused, brow furrowed.
You shook your head in disbelief when he really pulled the tiny device from his body. Wait, so what? It had really been there all along? The unsub wasn’t a paranoid delusional?
At the sight of the chip, Erik staggered with a mix of hysterical joy and relief, and after a moment, he literally collapsed to his knees, burying his face in his hands. His body was shaken by sobs as he muttered his thanks. He was... absolutely harmless. The hostages took advantage of his vulnerability, using the opportunity to silently leave the museum. You found yourself among them, even helping those who, due to shock, struggled to move. How? With your injuries? You had no idea.
You pointed one woman toward the ambulance waiting outside the building, ready to take any injured hostages. Around you, sounds echoed, people were running in all directions. A sense of disconnection and disbelief washed over you, as if you couldn’t quite grasp that it was all over.
You turned around, sensing someone's presence behind you.
The first thing you noticed was that Spencer was still wearing his blue rubber gloves. Strange, but the first thing that came to your mind was to focus on that detail. You even opened your mouth to speak, but stopped when he gently cupped your face in both of his hands. As if you were a fragile relic, he tilted his head slightly from side to side, almost as though he was trying to deny the fact that you were standing before him.
"As if you saw a ghost," you whispered, a faint smile appearing on your face.
Taking advantage of the fact that he was leaning toward you, you pressed your forehead against his. With your eyes still open, you saw his eyelids tremble. When he closed them, you caught sight of that single tear beginning to form beneath them.
*
"Reid," you said, as he and the rest of the team were heading towards the exit. All heads turned in your direction, but you only cared about that one. "Can we talk?"
He opened his mouth, seemingly surprised by the request, but then swallowed and nodded.
"Sure. If... just, sure."
You couldn't help but let out a small laugh. Since your rib injuries were numerous, you had to be taken to the hospital for an X-ray. Your face wasn’t looking too good either. Only a few hours had passed since everything happened, and all your wounds were fresh and painful. After taking a decent amount of painkillers, you felt a bit like you were floating. You were sitting on the hospital bed, your legs resting on the floor as if on a bench. You made space beside you, and although he hesitated for a moment, he sat right next to you, so close your shoulders almost touched.
What you wanted to say, everything you felt, was hard to put into words. So you spent a few minutes in silence, during which you concluded that the simpler, the better.
"Thank you, Reid."
His dark eyes narrowed slightly, and he shook his head dismissively.
"Thank you? For what? I should be thanking you."
You knew this would happen. That he would downplay what he did, and it would be incredibly hard for you to express all the gratitude you felt towards him.
"For what? For everything," you stated briefly. He was preparing a response, but you beat him to it. You even raised a finger decisively, signaling for a moment of silence. You had a lot to say. "Not just for pretending to be a surgeon and getting into that museum. And don't shrug it off like it was a small thing! You saved those people."
"Maybe a little, but…"
"But that's not all. You were… you were with me the whole time. You kept talking to me the entire time…"
"Just like everyone else…"
"Everyone else gave me orders. Told me what to do to survive and what not to do. And of course, I'm incredibly grateful to them—if it weren't for them, I would have probably pissed off that unsub after less than fifteen minutes and we'd all be dead by now."
Reid flinched when you said that. Maybe you should hold off on such words, while the whole situation was still so fresh.
"You... you kept asking how I was feeling, talking to me, just... your voice, the fact that I had you on the other end, it helped me not panic. When, at the very beginning, you asked me to breathe with you..."
You shook your head, holding back the involuntary recollection of that moment, that memory when you were still trapped in that building with two armed men. Helpless and lost, clutching his jacket with all your strength.
You realized with growing difficulty that you were holding back tears.
Reid had been listening to you quietly the whole time, but suddenly, he lowered his gaze. His hand found yours, hesitated for a moment, then gently grasped it. You immediately squeezed it tightly. Something came to your mind.
"And what did you want to thank me for?" you asked, referring to when he interrupted you the first time.
"It's not... I don't have as much to say as you do," he confessed, circling the topic more than addressing it directly. He still hadn't let go of your hand, and as he thought, his thumb seemed to absentmindedly stroke its surface.
"Wow," you murmured. "I never expected Spencer Reid to say something like that in my presence, but here we are. So?"
He smiled for a moment at your comment. However, that expression quickly gave way to a more serious one, carrying with it the unburied remnants of the horror you had both endured just a few hours ago.
"Just for you being alive," he said. Your brows furrowed slightly when you heard that. It wasn't what you expected. "For a while... when you were still inside, and your mic was destroyed..." With a sigh, he tilted his head back, holding back from returning to that moment. It couldn't have been easy for him, referring to exactly the moment that caused him pain. "We heard a gunshot. Everyone thought it was you. That's why... that's why I just wanted to thank you for that."
Given that you had absolutely no control over it, those were the strangest thanks anyone had ever given you. But still, they squeezed your heart like no others ever had.
You leaned in to place a kiss on his cheek.
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#criminal minds#spencer reid#spencer reid x reader#criminal minds fanfic#spencer reid criminal minds#doctor spencer reid#spence reid#spencer reid angst#dr spencer reid#spencer reid x fem!reader#spencer reid x you
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get what i want ’cause i ask for it (not because i’m really that deserving of it)
rafe cameron x f!reader; nsfw 18+
Summary: Rafe is so close to receiving the CEO title of his father’s company, he can taste it. But before he can have his dream job, he has to complete the most grueling task he’s ever been given: watch over the bratty heiress of their partner company, who’s decided to make his life hell.
He’s persistent. But so is she.
A/N: tags, warnings, and more on ao3!
“So,” Rafe started, striding into his father’s office and getting way too comfortable in the chair. Ward’s clients would expect nothing less than Memory Foam under their pompous asses, of course– how could you not sink down and kick your feet on the desk? “What’s next for me? Corner office with big windows? Company Lexus? A solid-gold bathroom?”
“I’ll be frank. What the hell are you talking about?”
“When I’m CEO of Cameron Development. Duh. I’ve been hearing the rumors about Maurice retiring, and you’re gonna need someone to fill his role…”
“Easy . You haven’t even been working here a whole year,” Ward reminded him, smacking the peppermint gum Rafe hated. “And your office has big windows!”
“I’m just being cliche. It’s the title that I really want, Dad.”
“Why should I give it to you, though? You’re barely even old enough to be out of college, if you’d gone.”
It stung, when his father reminded him that he hadn’t gone to school. He swallowed anyway. “Don’t need to, not with my work ethic. I take the job you gave me really seriously. All the departments love me, we’ve had great numbers the last three quarters, I’ve secured five deals that we’ve missed out on in the past,” he ticked off. “Tell me why you shouldn’t give it to me.”
Ward leaned back in his chair, tapping his pen on the desk rapidly. “Okay, you’re right. I agree. And I actually think I have something in mind that’ll really prove to me you’re worthy of totally running this company with the CEO title.”
Rafe all but purred. “Name it.”
“I should warn you, this is… probably gonna be the ultimate test of how loyal you are to Cameron Development.”
“Jesus, am I gonna have to fight a Jedi, or something?”
“Remember when I ran errands when you were younger, and you acted like it was inhumane torture to watch Sarah for 45 minutes?”
He sulked, already rubbing at the space between his eyebrows. “Oh God. You hired her, too, didn’t you? And here I thought my job was a special offer. Are you giving one to my cousin Tristan, too? Y’know he sits down when he pees?”
“I’m not hiring your sister. Or… your cousin,” Ward sighed. “We have a huge offer coming up soon. We’re teaming up with Kerrington Design to build on the northern side of the island, meaning we’d have properties in every zone. I cannot stress enough how important this bid is, Rafe. Josephine Kerrington will be working with us for the next month or so while we iron out details.”
“This all sounds great so far,” Rafe said. “Where do I come in?”
“Josephine mentioned that she was bringing her young daughter, and that she doesn’t feel comfortable with her being alone. I offered for you to watch over her while she’s here.”
“What?!”
“Look, I know you—”
“Hate dealing with kids? Yeah, I do,” he groaned. “Dad, you realize I have actual work to do around here? I have that O’Brien meeting coming up! How am I supposed to get stuff done with someone playing Webkinz in my office?”
“You love Webkinz.”
“Good Lord. Sure, when I was six!”
“Like I said before,” Ward started, tone carrying a warning out to his son that matched his tilted head, “this is an ultimate test. I’m counting on you to be a good babysitter.” Ward’s phone trilled, forcing a wince onto Rafe’s face, and the older man leaned forward to glance at the screen. “Ah. That’s her now. They’ll be arriving today, so be on the lookout for them, eh?”
Rafe stood up, smoothing out his pants. “Yeah, well, if there’s gonna be a child on the premises, I’m getting a cup of coffee right now.”
“Probably a good idea,” Ward conceded lowly, waving his son out of his office. “Mrs. Kerrington, good morning, it’s so great to hear from you…”
Rafe stepped out and went to the floor’s coffee station, noting an unfamiliar young woman getting herself a cup from the stack of thick cardboard. The company rarely hired people under the age of 25, so he was pleasantly surprised to see someone his own age.
“Morning,” he greeted to get her to turn around, and fuck, she was cute. “I don’t recognize you. New here?”
“You could say that,” the girl cocked her head a little. “Do you know every person who works here?”
He smiled. “Oh, I do a lot of paperwork on all levels. Surely I would’ve remembered you.”
She returned his grin. “You’re sweet. I’m Y/N.”
“My name’s Rafe. Your morning been good so far?”
“So far,” she repeated him in response, returning to her empty cup. “How about yourself?”
“Fine. Just dreading later,” he sighed, reaching behind the supplies in the cabinet to find the mug he’d hidden back there.
She made a little humming noise. “Why? What’s later?”
“Ah, nothing, I just have to babysit some CEO’s daughter for a few weeks. I hope to God I’ll be able to get any work done with a kid running around here, but I’ve got a little sister. I think I’ll be fine.”
The girl nodded, a little slowly to be seen as normal, but she was cute enough that he brushed it off. His eyes trailed down to where she was about to pour the coffee into her cup and he reached out to hold her wrist and stop her actions. “Wait, whoa!”
She gasped, jumping back. “Hey, watch it!” she shook her head, pouring her cup while still a few feet away from him. “It’s hot coffee, dude. What’s your deal?”
“If you pour the powder creamer first, it dissolves when you pour the coffee in,” he explained, shaking his head. “Too late now. You shoulda listened to me.”
“Well, it really doesn’t matter when y’all have thousands of these,” she reached for a coffee stirrer. “You micromanage a lot of shit around here, or am I special?”
He scoffed. “I practically run this place, sweetheart. You should be thanking me for bestowing my wisdom on you. Now, don’t you have something, I dunno, administrative to do?”
“Administrative?” the girl parroted, setting down the stirrer. Her tone was amused, but her eyebrows were still in her hairline. “Didn’t your mother ever teach you not to talk to women like that?”
“My step-mother,” he corrected, “is a useless witch. So, no.”
Her mouth fell open. “I guess this company is run by an absolute pig.”
He clenched his jaw. Who is this girl, and how dare she speak to him like that? “You better watch how you talk to me before I–”
“Rafe!” Ward called, interrupting his son’s threat and joining the two young adults at the coffee bar. “I see you’ve already met your partner for the next few weeks. How are you, Miss Kerrington?” he turned to warmly address her, reaching out to take her hand politely and shake it. He either didn’t notice the horrific tension between them or was desperately trying to cut it.
The girl smiled. “I’m doing just fine, Mr. Cameron.”
“Please, call me Ward,” he insisted, stepping aside to grab a cardboard cup.
Rafe finally found his voice. “So, Josephine Kerrington…” he started, anxiously looking between her and his father.
“Is my mother,” Y/N finished, tilting her head smugly. “Rafe, was it? Why don’t you show me to your office?”
***
He tried to keep his back straight as he showed her where he worked, and she looked around nosily the second she was inside. While she snooped around his belongings and photos, he took another look at her.
She was wearing a lavender floral dress that was just too short to be considered professional, though those rules clearly didn’t apply to her. When she spun back around to look at him, he had to snap his gaze back up quickly to not reveal he’d been staring at her ass.
“So, Y/N,” he started sheepishly. She set her coffee on the table and he ran over to put a coaster under it. “I think we got off on the wrong foot—“
“Water under the bridge,” she interrupted. “Could you Airdrop the Wifi?”
Rafe stared at her face, expecting her to burst out laughing at him. “I understand all of those words, separately.”
She sighed. “You have wireless internet here, no?”
“We do.”
“And I assume it’s password protected?”
“That’d be a correct assumption.”
“And I also bet it’s harder to type than ‘cameronwifi’?”
He scrunched his face. “It’s some combination of letters and numbers, so yeah.”
She pressed her lips together. “Figured. Open up contacts on your phone.”
Rafe obeyed, though he didn’t know why. Curiosity, maybe? She put in her number then guided him to the Wifi tab and held her phone up. The password to the internet auto-filled on her device and she was already skipping away to use it.
“What? I don’t get a ‘thank you’?” he snorted, putting his phone back in his pocket.
“Why? You didn’t even do anything!” She flopped on the couch. “Feel free to text me, now that you’ve got my number.”
He scoffed. “Are you hitting on me?”
Y/N rolled her eyes. “Yeah right, nerd. If I did hit on you, I’d probably comment on your Marlon Brando slicked hair. Heavy gel, in this decade, it’s a sexy and modern choice.”
There was no holding back now. “You’re a brat.”
“Get used to it.”
“Why should I? It’s not like you do anything.”
“You say that like I’m not important.”
“Of course you’re not important here. You—You don’t even have a title!”
“Ah, that’s just not true,” she corrected. “I’m a CTA. Chief Tactics Associate.”
Rafe rubbed at his forehead. “What the hell does that mean?”
“It means what I say, goes.”
He snickered. “Is that so?”
“Glad you find it funny. Why do you think I’m even here? My opinion means a lot to my mother, and if I run to her and tell her I don’t like how things are run at your company, she’ll pick up her business and run to the next development firm that’s eagerly waiting to spring properties up on the island.”
Rafe’s stomach turned. With how important this deal was to Ward, she really had the upper hand on him. “Fine. Just stay out of my way while I work, and we should get along alright.”
A smile curled up on her face. “I’ll try my best, sir.”
***
She did not.
When confronted by his son, Ward was not sympathetic. He eventually gave a half-hearted apology but not before bursting out laughing in Rafe’s face. His only defense was something like, “Josephine’s exact words were ‘young daughter’. How was I supposed to know she’s able to vote?”
“I sure love finding you in my office all the time,” Rafe announced sardonically to the girl lying on his comfy leather couch watching loud Tik Toks.
He knew why she hovered, of course. Even if his father hadn’t twisted his arm into watching her, he was one of the few people in the building within ten years of her age. It made sense that she’d linger around him, even if she was a nuisance most of the time.
She didn’t look up from her phone. “It has the best view. Big windows.” She reached into her shirt, dipped into her bra and pulled out what looked like a USB until she brought it to her mouth and sucked.
Rafe reached down to snatch it from her hand and stuck it in his lapel pocket. “Not in my office.”
She waved her hand around annoyedly, letting the tiny wisps of smoke escape from her lips. “Vibe killer. I’ve got another one at home.”
“I’m sure you do,” he muttered, sniffing the air. “Wait. Is this mint? They don’t make JUUL pods in that flavor anymore.”
“I get ‘em from Europe,” she explained impatiently.
He huffed. “How stupid of me,” he noted before stalking over to his computer. He looked around his desk and noticed things were not as he left them. “Goddamnit, quit messing around with my stuff! I’ve told you before, I care ab–” he stopped himself, and the pause actually garnered her attention.
Rafe picked up a stack of documents and inspected them carefully. “Wait. These are the quarterly verification logs?”
“I know what they are. Title at the top and everything.”
“Y/N, I’ve been trying to get these back from credentialing for months. I email them twice a day, they don’t even blink at me. Is this what you did during my meeting?”
“Yeah. I saw you typing one up earlier, so I paid their department a little visit when I was bored. Can I have my JUUL back as a prize?”
Rafe laughed. “I thought you had another one at home.”
“You called my bluff.”
He rolled his eyes, but still reached into his jacket and tossed her the stick. She caught it and took another rip, looking behind him and shaking her head wistfully. “Just imagine what else you could get done if you had a pair of tits to weaponize with every half-witted employee you have crawling around here.”
Hmm. Maybe he didn’t have to imagine.
***
His least favorite part of what he did was dealing with the shareholders, by far.
He gets it. A critical part of the job was kissing rich ass despite them knowing the least about what’s best for the company, because money makes the world go round. But the meetings he was forced to sit in on were like pulling teeth, and every minute he sat in those rooms was a performance. He nodded along, looked over papers and presentations, pretended not to notice the older men had no idea where they were, and shook hands until they slapped their thighs and announced it was time to head out.
Today, the meeting ran over, because none of those antiquated bastards have any concept of time. His skin itched, watching the clock tick minute after minute when he should already be getting back to work. When they finally noticed, Rafe pretended to receive a critical phone call to escape without dealing with their falsely pleasant goodbyes.
Rafe rested his forehead on his office door before going inside. For a moment, he forgot everything that was going on in his life, and prepared himself to enjoy the rest of the day in peace and quiet.
Except, he couldn’t, because Y/N was sitting in his chair, feet kicked up on his desk, with one of his lollipops in her mouth. He deflated, walking over to see what she was doing. Rafe groaned when his eyes landed on a coloring book and some crayons in her lap, and was especially peeved that she was too focused on Aurora’s hair to look up at him.
“What are you, five?” he sneered, picking up a completed Ursula and Ariel sheet off his desktop. “That’s you,” he said, pointing to the villainous witch.
Y/N’s eyes flicked up annoyedly and she took the sucker out, letting it clack on her teeth. “Yeah, and you’re so mature.” Without breaking eye contact, she placed the glistening lollipop right on his desk.
“Damnit, you–,” he sputtered, picking up the candy and remorsefully throwing it away. He swiped at the wet spot that remained and brought his fingers to his lips without thinking. It looked like the wood was too dark to show a stain anyways. “You win. Just, please get up.”
She waved around to the many empty chairs in his office. “Sit somewhere else.”
“It’s my office,” he scoffed. “Get up. Or you can sit in my lap, if you want,” Rafe added with a smirk.
Y/N grimaced. “Do I need to go to HR?”
“Best of luck with that, doll. The Lead HR lady is my godmother.”
She paused her coloring to look up at him. “Tell me, is there anyone in this building you don’t have a familial relation to?”
“Our CTA.”
“You’re funny.”
“I know. That’s why I thought you’d jump on the offer to sit on my lap.” She ignored him again, returning to coloring the pink dress. Rafe glanced at the stack of manila envelopes on his desk and an idea popped into his head. “Say, has my father shown you the mail room here?”
She lifted an eyebrow–he almost laughed at how easy she was to entertain. “Mail room?”
He nodded. “Yeah, real shiny place. There’s tubes all over the building that we shoot letters into that all lead to the mail room downstairs. It’s a really cool set-up, and I think you’d like it.” He looked at his desk again, feigning surprise. “Oh, hey! And these need to be sent out anyways. They don’t fit in the chutes, so you have an excuse to snoop around there.” He picked up the stack and held them out to her, fully expecting her to snort and tell him to shove them up his ass. It’s what his sister would do.
But to his complete surprise, she nodded wordlessly and set her colors down. She took the envelopes and skipped out of the office on a mission.
Shit. Maybe he could make this work.
***
Two hours later, Rafe burst out of his own office, crashing right into his father.
“Hey, I was just coming to check on you,” he greeted before noticing Rafe’s sour expression. “Whoa, what’s wrong?” Ward asked, holding out a hand to his son’s chest to slow him down.
“Oh, nothing. Just that Y/N painted her nails in my room earlier,” he huffed. Likely because she wanted to cover up the scent of her dab pen, he really wanted to add on. “I made her count reams of paper to make her leave, but the room still smells like chemicals. Getting a migraine.”
“Did you open a window?”
“No, Dad, and I also didn’t try spraying Febreze, so don’t ask,” he snapped.
Ward pressed his lips together, eyebrows lifting softly. “Come sit in my office for a little?” he offered.
Rafe nodded, pressing the up button himself. His phone in his pocket chirped to indicate a text message, but he didn’t move. The phone buzzed over and over, beeping so many times that they were cutting themselves off.
Ward blinked. “Gonna check that?”
“Nope. I know it’s just Y/N.”
“Why is she sending you so many texts?”
“I made the mistake of giving her my number in case she needed anything. Now, she sends me fifty iMessage games if I’m not paying attention to her.” The elevator doors opened again to the top floor. “Dad, you don’t realize. She’s the most annoying pest I’ve ever had to deal with.”
“Worse than your sister?”
Rafe hesitated. “She gives her a run for her money.”
***
Y/N bounded up to Rafe the following day, looking from the phone nestled in the crook of his neck to where the cord led back to the desk. She brought a freshly pink-tipped finger to the hook switch and pressed it, ending his call.
“I got the signatures from the guys in accounting,” she announced, pulling the papers out to show him. “Have you actually seen them? They are literally the palest people I’ve ever met.”
Rafe sputtered with anger, slamming the phone back in the cradle. “You didn’t have to do that! I was on hold with a stupid robot.”
“I wanted your undivided attention,” she shrugged.
He massaged at his temples. “Whatever. Thank you for the signatures, I suppose. Say, are you having any trouble with the Wifi?”
To his dismay, her face brightened. “Oh, right! I wanted to ask IT if you can change the password for only the router in your office, and the answer is yes,” she giddily explained, pointing to the white box pinned to the ceiling above her.
“Um, okay. What’s the new password?”
“It’s ‘misskerringtonlovesanal420’, no caps, no spaces.”
He sighed. “Are you serious?”
“Well, I’ve never actually tried doing it. But I wanted to see if I could make the IT guy squirm and he totally–”
“I meant, is it seriously the password?” he stopped her, tired of being reminded that every touch-starved man on the premises was at the sheer whim of this girl.
“See for yourself.”
Click click click. “Ugh, really?”
“Tell me you wouldn’t do this shit if you had the freedom to.”
He didn’t respond to that. It seemed he’d have to try a little harder to keep the girl busy and out of trouble. Rafe slipped a hand into his lapel pocket and pulled out a folded $20, extending it out for her. “If I give you this, will you go to the cafeteria downstairs and get us both turkey sandwiches?”
She took the money and slipped it in her bra, already on her way out. “Yes, but we’re getting rotisserie chicken. They’re so much better.”
“Wait, I want turkey!” he called after her.
“Too bad!”
***
Rafe woke up late.
He’d spent the last week working double time to make sure Y/N stayed out of trouble and his normal tasks were fulfilled. It was no wonder that at some point he’d break and the back-up Pinball alarm would fail him. Why the fuck this had to happen the morning of his O’Brien meeting, he’ll never know.
He ran into his building in such a hurry he felt the soles of his shoes wearing down. He didn’t stop for the doorman, the HR intern, and sure as shit not for his father, who all tried to strike up a conversation.
“Dad, please, I can’t talk right now,” Rafe huffed out to the last one, clicking the elevator button over and over. “I’m super late to a meeting with–”
“This is slightly more important,” Ward insisted. “There was a cyber attack. IT is taking care of it, but something got in through our Wifi, and our emails have been a mess all d–”
“Wait,” Rafe interrupted, ignoring the car arriving at the ground floor. “You said the Wifi?”
“Well, yeah. They said there was a leak at our security company, and any routers with passwords that haven’t been reset in the last month were affected. They’re routinely reset four times a year, so we just got unlucky.”
Rafe was so stunned he had to be pulled onto the elevator by his father. “Is everything alright?”
He tossed around what to do here. If he admitted Y/N dicking around had accidentally protected his router, he’d run the risk of exposing not only how he’d been getting her to do his work but also how he really hadn’t been monitoring her too strictly. Hell, she could’ve done the opposite and totally fucked over their security if she wasn’t careful.
“Yes, actually, I was having trouble and changed my own router last week,” he lied, words fumbling out in a jittery string. “Guess I just got lucky. God, how is this elevator so slow?”
Ward raised his eyebrow at his bouncy son. “Is everything alright?”
“O’Brien meeting in negative two minutes,” he shouted, looking at his watch and slipping through the crack between the barely-open doors. “Damn Irish.”
“It’s funny because we’re actually Scottish!” his father called after him, but Rafe really didn’t care.
He threw open the doors to his own office and waved off a dazed Y/N to run behind his desk. “Hey, Bossman,” she greeted him, clearly oblivious to the rush he was in. “I had a great idea for us to do.”
Rafe dug through his desk drawers, sorting through Sharpies and Post-Its looking for the USB drive holding the O’Brien floor plans. “Lemme get back to you on that.”
“Are you sure? It’ll only take a minute.”
“Y/N, I can’t right now. I’ve got a meeting that I’m already late for, and it’s really important that I–”
“Oh, that? I moved it.”
He halted in his tracks, blood colder than ice. “You moved my meeting with the O’Briens?!” he asked, wiping sweat off his forehead.
“Yeah,” she answered bubbly. “I wanted to get a chocolate croissant at that bakery down the street but they close early in the day, so I called and asked those guys if they’d be okay with the same time tomorrow. All I had to do was say it conflicted with Kerrington business, and they were cool with it. Ready to go?”
Rafe was… fucking flabbergasted. Not only did she take it upon herself to move a career-altering meeting without his permission over a fucking baked good, but she’d used her name to persuade the O’Briens into compliance. He thought back to the wifi– she’d just unintentionally saved his ass, twice, in the same fucking day.
“Why are you looking at me like that? I looked at your calendar first. You’re not busy.”
He couldn’t help himself. Rafe lunged forward, taking her face into his hands and planting a big kiss on her lips. She made a surprised squeak before relaxing into his touch and returning the favor.
When he pulled away, her eyes were still shut for two seconds too long. “Yeah, I could go for a Kouign-amann. After you,” he said, waving his hand out to the door.
***
Rafe had just finished the yellow cross on his Rubik’s cube when his father knocked on the door of his office. He waved him in with two fingers but went right back to diligently solving his puzzle.
“Where is Y/N?” Ward asked, taking a seat in front of his son’s desk.
“Out to lunch with her mother.”
“And you didn’t go with her?” he teased.
This got Rafe to look up from the cube, but he still shot his father an exasperated glare. Not only did that sound like a nightmare and a half, he was a little uneasy about being around her.
He’d acted a little rash yesterday when he was pumped full of adrenaline and stress, he’ll admit it– though, if he had made her uncomfortable with the kiss, she didn’t act like it. She went right back to the hellion force of nature she was before (like forcing him to play 20 Questions with her, and when the person was revealed to be Ghandi, going on a long rant about his problematic behavior as if she hadn’t chosen the man herself). Kinda why he was enjoying the rare peace and quiet he just lost.
“Why’d you stop by?” A much more pleasant way of saying why oh why are you in my office and what’s the quickest way I can get you out.
“At some point I want you to complete the follow-up for the Carroll’s. I know they’re a-holes, so feel free to not put this high on your priority list. I could care less if it gets done by the end of the week, if I’m being honest.”
“Oh, so you haven’t been honest before?” Rafe snapped, getting too frustrated and slamming the Rubik’s cube back down on the desk. “And you mean you couldn’t care less,” he tacked on.
Ward pursed his lips together and tried to hold back a snort. “Okay, let’s make a deal. I won’t use either of those phrases anymore, and you quit taking out your annoyance with Y/N on me.”
“Not really fair, since her antagonism in my life is very much your fault.”
“C’mon, you’ve been doing a great job so far! Is she that hard to get along with?” Ward sighed. “She’s a cute girl who could charm birds out of trees and y’know, she reminds me a lot of you.”
Rafe winced. “That’s the worst thing you’ve ever said to me.”
“Oh, hush. You’re both hardworking, loyal, and heirs, obviously.”
“How is she hardworking? All she does is traipse around the office and make messes for me to clean up.”
“Really? Because, from what I’ve heard around the office, you’ve turned her into your little administrative assistant. Are you sure that’s what Mrs. Kerrington wants?”
“I don’t know what Mrs. Kerrington wants!” he groaned, rubbing at his forehead. “If you didn’t notice, she kind of dropped a teenager off at my doorstep and made me figure out how to balance watching her and work.”
“She’s an adult,” Ward muttered, sinking down in the chair.
“Those are not mutually exclusive,” Rafe snapped back, then shook his head. He leaned forward and started working on the Rubik’s cube again. “Whatever. I’m over it. Not really, but I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” His eyes darted up to the clock on his wall. “You’ve got a Zoom call with the West Coast in ten minutes, anyways.”
Ward checked his watch and jumped up when he realized his son was correct.
***
“How did you even manage to get into my computer?!” Rafe shouted, slamming his hands on his desk and standing up.
“Your password was literally your last name and birth year, doll,” she explained, far too casual for someone who hadn’t just turned his entire desktop set-up to various shades of pink and purple. He didn’t fail to notice how she was picking up on his mannerisms these last few weeks. “And the password hint was ‘name and year’. Have you ever taken a computer safety class in your life?”
“Stop talking to me like I deserve to have you snooping around my stuff! Change it back!”
“Absolutely not. How could you work with it before? It was so dull and… default settings.”
Rafe scrubbed his face with his hands, realizing it didn't relax him at all. “I am genuinely so tired of your presence,” he admitted, waving a hand and trying not to clench it in a fist when she giggled at him. “I’m serious! You constantly get in the way. I don’t even know why I put up with you.”
“Because my say is the last stop in this agreement, and you’re in charge of keeping me happy.”
He grimaced at the reminder. “Right. You’re the gleaming epitome of nepotism. I get it.”
She all but gasped. “Are you joking? And just what does that make you?”
“Hey, I actually work here. I’ve put in effort to get where I am.”
She barked out a laugh. “Yeah. And I’m sure daddy had nothing to do with it.”
“I’m on the Board of Directors here!”
“Which your father also assembled!” she shouted, then shook her head with a smile. “Actually, y’know what? I get it now. You hate me because I’m you.”
He spat at the assumption. “We are completely different.”
“No, we’re not. We’re both spoiled nepotism babies who overvalue our importance. I just don’t give enough of a fuck to lie about it. Tell me, do you hate seeing yourself when you look at me? Is that it?”
Rafe exhaled heavily through his nose, trying to refrain from storming out and knocking over a vase on his way out. “Is there any particular reason you’re always such a pain to me and an angel around everyone else?”
Y/N raised herself up on her tiptoes to (unsuccessfully) get closer to his height. “Because I like making mean guys suffer. And because you’re so cute when you’re mad.”
“And you’re just cute enough to get my shit done for me.”
Yeah, that was fucking dumb to say. Her jaw dropped the moment the words regretfully tumbled off his tongue and not even slapping his hand over his mouth could save him.
“Wait, that’s what you’ve been doing? You were using me to get your fucking work done?”
“Y/N, no, I–”
“And just when I thought we were kind of getting along for a minute. Do you think I’m just a tool for you to use?”
Kind of. His mouth hung open dumbly for too many moments, because she scoffed in disgust and pushed past him.
He called at her and tried to grab her arm, but she yanked away again. “If you follow me, I’m telling my mom what a chauvinistic louse you are.”
Rafe waited for the mischievous grin to creep on her face, but it didn’t. She was cold. He’d fucked up.
In immaculate timing, a new secretary hire knocked on the barely open door of his office. “Mr. Cameron? Miss Kerrington? The board meeting starts in four minutes,” the intern informed the two, just poking his head in enough to get the words out before disappearing.
She huffed one more time, spinning around and marching out of the room. He was conflicted, since he was mandated to be at the meeting but was terrified of pissing her off. He chased her down the halls, wanting to at least be present for his own damnation.
He only caught up to her just as she joined the groups of execs, far too late for him to attempt to stop her again. He held his breath as he watched her take her seat next to her mother. His face was hot, waiting for her to spill the beans and get his ass in immense trouble.
She… didn’t, though. She just sat down, looked at her phone under the desk, and shifted in the chair to get comfortable.
“Rafe? You alright?” he heard, and he looked down to see his dad waving him towards the table. “Let’s get this started.”
***
“And to recap, these are the outsourcing companies we plan to use. Contracts are already underway…” Mr. Henthorn droned. Or… Hawthorn. Who gives a crap.
“Why isn’t Upwards Lumber on this list anymore?” Josephine asked. “I thought we agreed on them in our earlier phases.”
Ward hesitated, looking around to his team before answering. “Well, last week we were informed Upwards wasn’t able to handle projects of this size anymore.”
Josephine’s eyes narrowed. “I thought they worked with the Ambetter building downtown?”
“They did. But apparently a year and a half ago, they were heavily audited and half their workers were laid off due to failed drug screenings. Upwards is really only able to handle small commercial projects until they rebuild their crew.”
Drug screens are just elitist, targeting bullshit, Rafe thought, and Ward looked over with a stern blink as though he could read his son’s mind. Probably not the time to be making any kind of statement anyways.
Josephine stiffened. “Well. Bullet dodged, I suppose. Kerrington doesn’t tolerate drug use of any kind, at any level.”
Ward agreed with her imperative demand, but Rafe had to hide a smirk behind his fist. It was one thing for Y/N to obnoxiously hit her JUUL in his office, but if mommy saw the dab cart that sometimes stuck out of her bag, it’d be a little harder to explain.
He looked up to Y/N. Sure, she was fuming and likely going to snitch on him any minute now, but she still had a sense of humor, so he expected to share at least a moment of amused, knowing eye contact. To his surprise, though, she was completely slumped down in the chair. Her gaze was down on the table and she picked at her fingernails, hiding from everyone else in the room. Rafe’s eyebrows furrowed, and he looked over to Josephine, who was shooting her daughter a fiery glare.
The daughter who was a bratty, uncontrollable mess. The one who had pretty condemnatory dirt on Rafe and, knowing her character, was being oddly silent about it. The one who’d been dropped off for him to essentially babysit for the last few excruciating weeks.
Babysit.
The pieces assembled themselves in his brain so quickly he nearly got vertigo in the swivel chair. That’s why he’s had to fucking watch her this whole time– because she needed watching. No wonder she didn’t snitch on Rafe for whoring her out for paperwork. She was never there for him to entertain and keep happy; he just had to make sure she wasn’t sneaking off to do drugs. And really, he hadn’t done a great job at it.
He didn’t bother beating himself up, since his directions were incredibly unclear and he’d been expecting to watch a fourth grader to begin with. Regardless, the tension in the room was palpable and the respective girl’s face had already turned a burning pink.
The moment the meeting was over, Y/N did the least annoying thing she’d done since the first day she stepped into the building. She stood up, stormed out of the meeting room, and disappeared for the rest of the day.
***
Showing up to the office in the dark had a much different energy than during the daytime. The area was quite nice, so it wasn’t like she felt particularly unsafe going in, but without the doorman greeting her and pulling open the massive front door, something felt off.
Although, it was nice that no one was there to watch her vomit in the receptionist’s trash can. Helena would be pissed come Monday morning, but Y/N was currently more concerned with how much better she felt after getting that out of her system.
Muscle memory is the only thing that got her in the elevator and pushing the right button. When she reached the desired floor, a wave of his aftershave and cigarette smoke hit her nose. She floated on the scent, lost in the way it wrapped around her, until it carried her right into the office of the man she was looking for.
Of course, she didn’t barge in. Rafe didn’t notice her arrival right away so she remained in the shadows to watch him work. It was outlandish, how attractive he was—he was focused hard on some stack of papers with one hand scrubbing at his temple and the other occasionally taking the cigarette that rested between his lips and ashing it. The smoke escaped his mouth in aggravated sighs, curling around his head before disappearing into the room. He’d cracked open a window in some attempt to hide the smell, but it only breezed its way into the hall. This close, it wasn’t even nauseating, but more like a cologne.
From her spot, she could see that he’d unbuttoned some of his shirt to reveal his lean chest. It was strange, seeing some indicator that he was capable of relaxing. He’d had a stick up his ass since the day she met him, so imagining him exhausted and popping the top few buttons on his shirt was almost… endearing.
Her balance was, as expected, not up to par. She leaned a little too far one way, and before she knew it, she stumbled right into the light as well as Rafe’s eyeline. He called her name confusedly, and when her head snapped up, she caught him stubbing out the cig as he stood.
“It’s cute,” she noted, nodding at the ashtray and trying not to trip over her own feet as she got back up. “You, putting out the cigarette. Like I don’t smoke in your office when you’re not here.”
Rafe waved his hands around and tossed the window open even further. “Lighting a cigarette is more serious than hitting your stupid Brass Knuckles pen. What are you doing here so late?”
“I could ask you the same thing.”
“I work here,” he bit back. His gaze trailed down her body, taking in her immodest party dress and heels. “I see when you go out, you wear even less than you do at work. Astonishing.”
“I can wear even less, if you’d like.”
His eyes narrowed, and he ignored her flirting. She was speaking far too quickly and clearly to be just drunk. Rafe took a step forward and inspected her eyes. Sure enough, her pupils were blown wide to accompany her pink cheeks. “You didn’t only drink, did you?”
Y/N’s lips curled up gently. “Would you be mad if I didn’t?”
“Of course not, sweetheart, but…” he straightened her clothes and made sure she was okay otherwise, “were you planning on going home like this?”
She shook her head. “I was out with my friend Mona and figured I’d crash at her place. Which I was going to do, until I noticed I was near your office and decided to pay a visit.”
He sighed. “Well, I’ve got to get you home safely.”
Her eyes flew to the back of her head. “What’re you, my dad?”
Rafe bristled. “No, but mine is in the building, and so is your ball-gripping mother. We kinda need to get you the fuck out of here.”
She scoffed. “Yeah, they’re not on this floor, though. That’s why you felt comfortable doing this.” Y/N reached into his lapel pocket and pulled out a solid red Bic lighter. She brought her thumb up and spun the dial, sparking it just a little too close to their faces.
He annoyedly snatched the lighter out of her hands. “Why did you come here?”
She bounced up on the tips of her toes and pulled at the back of his neck for a kiss. It felt good, charged, but his rational brain pushed her away immediately. She pouted.
“Y/N, stop. We absolutely cannot do that.” He wasn’t sure how to finish his sentence, but a Rolodex of options cycled through his mind. Because you’re barely 18 and I’m about to be 22. Because I’m basically your babysitter. Because our parents would kill us. Because you look like you’ve taken both cocaine and molly and it seems you’ve forgotten you were quite mad at me eight hours ago. Because the charge I would catch would be astronomical. Take your pick.
“Why not? We’ve kissed before. I thought it was a good kiss. I think about it a lot. Don’t you?” She still had a firm grip on the nape of his neck, so she toyed with the hair that brushed against her fingers.
Rafe weighed his options, quickly doing the math of when she’d probably started partying to when it should wear off and she’d crash. “Of course I do,” he admitted, honestly, because there’s a chance she’d forget half of this night anyways. “But not here. Is it alright if we go to my place?”
She smiled, letting her hand fall around his shoulder and down his chest. “You don’t still live with daddy, huh?”
He let out a soft laugh, reaching behind himself to grab his wallet and keys. “Nope. C’mon, let’s get out of here.”
***
By Rafe’s estimation, she only had about five more minutes of hyperactivity before she crashes and the alcohol takes over her system. She’ll lose interest in trying to get in his pants, and want nothing more than a warm bed, which Rafe conveniently had to spare. His apartment was seven minutes away, so the timing should work out perfectly.
But that didn’t mean she was going to make it easy for him.
She was relentless. Playing with his tie in the office elevator, winking at him when he opened the car door for her, reaching to rub his thigh while he pulled out of the garage onto the streets. He couldn’t very well stop her without revealing his plans to dump her off and go right back to work, but holy fuck she was making it really hard to focus on driving.
Getting her inside his apartment was easy enough, like she was trying to remain casual in public. As soon as they were inside, all bets were off and she was back to being the horny brat she was in the car.
He got her in one of the guest rooms, and she seemed oblivious to his attempts to get her asleep. Y/N tried pawing at his clothes, but he stopped her, taking her wrists with a tight grip. “Ah-ah. Listen to me,” he ordered, and she obeyed with an impatient sulk. “I have some questions. Can you answer me, sweetheart?”
Y/N nodded impatiently, and he smiled when she held a long blink. A good sign.
Rafe guided her backwards, switching her wrists into only one of his hands. “Which of your friends does your mom like the best?”
She froze. “I– what?”
His now-free hand came up to stroke her cheek, gently moving back to card through her hair. “Just answer me, pretty girl.”
“Her name is Samantha.”
Rafe nodded, pushing once more until the back of her knees hit the bed. “Good girl. Does she live in town?”
Y/N nodded, eyes big and innocent. “Yeah, uh, she does.”
He finally led her down until she sat on the mattress, and she took the initiative to climb in herself. He carefully joined her, not lying down with her but remaining close to keep her on the line. “Have you seen her in the last month?”
“Yes… why are you aski–?”
He shushed her, having her get comfortable and continuing to pet her hair. “Don’t worry about it. I’m trying to help you.”
Fortunately, she was already shutting her eyes and wiggling down further into the bed. He placed a kiss on her forehead and brought the throw blanket from the foot of the bed to her body. It probably wasn’t comfortable to sleep in that dress, but it did not feel right to undress her in this state.
And now, it was back to the office.
***
The elevator stopped at the third floor, which confused Rafe, since most everyone on that level should be home. His back stiffened when the doors opened to reveal Josephine Kerrington. She looked exactly the same as she did during the day, not a pin out of place. It almost amazed Rafe, how kempt she looked even this late at night.
“Oh, hello, Rafe,” she greeted, a warm yet hollow smile on her lips. “You’re here quite late.”
He hummed, watching the doors shut and ignoring the air between them warming up. “As are you.”
“Well, your father is a busy man. He loses track of time so often you’d think he doesn’t know what it is. I had to use a bathroom on another floor or he’d try to pitch ideas while I pissed.”
His eyes widened, and he didn’t try hiding the chuckle. Damn, Y/N’s mom was pretty funny. “Yeah, working with Y/N has been the least intense job I’ve gotten from him since I was fifteen.”
She looked at him. “How is she doing, by the way?”
Rafe inhaled, thinking back to the last couple of weeks, and to the last hour and a half he’s had. “Y/N… is a delight. She’s fun to be around, but sometimes distracting because of her charm.” Okay, okay, dial it back. “Fortunately, she’s out of my hair for the night so I can get some work done. Said she was at a friend’s house, a… Sarah? Savannah? Samanth–?”
“Samantha?” Josephine asked, turning back with a pleasant nod. “Good to hear. She’s got some terrible influences, like that friend Mina.” Damn, can’t even get the name right, Rafe thought. “You’re a lovely young man, and I hope you’re rubbing off on her.”
He winced at the innuendo, but smiled politely. “Thank you Mrs. Kerrington.”
When the doors shut, he all but clicked his heels together in glee. “Rafe Cameron, CEO. Good ring to it.” The elevator beeped in agreement.
***
Y/N wasn’t in much after that. Josephine made semi-regular appearances, but the deal seemed to be coming to a close and there was little reason for them to be around anymore. He would rather rake hot coals over his body than admit this, but he really missed the chaotic energy she brought. Things almost felt dull without needing to chase her around the building making sure she behaved.
And, y’know, without his unpaid intern.
It was Ward’s idea to have a celebratory closing banquet in the office building, but Rafe was almost certain that it was Y/N’s idea to make it casino night-themed.
Some poor team of interns had been tasked with turning the office into a Vegas-adjacent venue and knocked their job out of the park. Employees were given chips and sent out among the poker, craps, and roulette tables stationed with stiff-standing dealers clad in maroon bow ties. Cocktail waitresses went around taking drink orders and accepting chips as a tip (playing along pointlessly, as the chips were clearly from a children’s game).
He heard her before he saw her– a fake laugh laced with discomfort only he could detect in her voice. His head whipped over to see Y/N, clad in a ridiculously fitted red dress, clutching her clear plastic cup tight enough to force the color out of her knuckles while she spoke with her mother and others.
He grabbed his drink and abandoned the Texas Hold ‘Em table to pull her into the shadows. Josephine was so wrapped in her conversation he didn’t even need to request he borrow her daughter– no wonder she was so out of control.
If she didn’t want to be alone with him, she didn’t make a point of it. She was quiet in the elevator as he observed her and sipped his drink, leaning against the railing in the car, nervously bouncing her toe in her heel. When they arrived at the floor, she skipped out in front of him and beat him to the unlocked door.
Rafe drained the rest of his vodka soda and tossed the cup into his trash, pushing his hands into his coat pockets. “You lied to me,” he started, and she lifted her shoulders. “About why you were here.”
She didn’t waste a moment denying this. “And? You would, too.”
“No, I would not!”
“Really?” she raised an eyebrow. “If you were in my shoes, you’d run right to your caregiver and tell him how your mother won’t allow you to be alone for literally five minutes? That she’d requested a watchful eye on you? Or would you find a way to get them to tolerate your every whim without pushback? Frankly, the idea kinda handed itself to me when you were a misogynistic dick to me the first time we met. That was just dumb luck.”
“Dumb luck, huh?” he asked, stepping towards her. “What would you call having a coked-out teenager stumble into your office and beg you to fuck her? Is that just luck?”
She didn’t respond. He could see in her eyes she was trying not to look away, to show any apprehension, but he’d spent just too much time around her to not notice.
“Had anything to drink tonight?” he asked, taking one more step towards her until they were less than a foot apart.
Her attitude was back in a flash. “With my mom around? Yeah, a Coke Zero.”
He smiled even though he’d just been snapped at. “Good. You don’t need to be using that kind of stuff anyways.”
“Okay, Father Holy,” she rolled her eyes, and he had just about had enough of her shit.
Rafe grabbed her shoulders and pinned her between his body and the wall forcing a gasp from her. “I try to help you, over and over,” he sighed, almost disheartened. “And you’re still a little brat.”
His hands were all over her and she whined, arching into his touch and trying to get a feel of her own. He held her wrists tight and shook his head. “Yeah, right. Try behaving for once in your life and maybe you can touch me.”
Her hands fell down to her sides without fighting, and he ran his hands along her nearly-bare chest. His fingertips slipped under the straps and hem of the fabric as he savored the feeling of her skin under his palms, and he watched as goosebumps erupted over her collarbones. “You want this?” he checked, another chance for her to back out before he began to ruin her.
She nodded fervently, but when he just raised an eyebrow, pleading affirmations spilled out of her lips like a stream.
With the green light, Rafe tugged down the top part of her dress until her breasts were exposed in the cool office air. He played with her tits, switching between sucking on one nipple and using his fingers to toy with the other.
This wasn’t enough for either of them, so his attention and desperate hands went downwards. He got sick of trying to pull down the panties without undressing her fully, and ripped them right off her legs. He stuffed the torn fabric into his coat pocket and she gaped. “You owe me a new pair,” she breathed, moving her legs apart for him anyways.
“If only I could afford it,” he muttered, bringing his fingers to her now-exposed clit. “Do you know why I put up with your shit?”
“‘Cause I’m cute?” she smiled, but it quickly dissolved when his movements sped up.
“Oh, yeah. But also, I got a little promotion this morning,” Rafe said, leaving a fat wet kiss anywhere his lips could reach on the exposed skin of her collarbone. “You inadvertently made me CEO. Everything in this building is mine.”
Rafe used his legs to push hers even further apart, open her up for him even more.
“And in this moment,” he smacked her clit, and she cried out. “That includes you.”
He expected a snarky comment at this point, but he seemed to subdue her enough to continue rambling.
“I’ve dreamed of how I’d handle your ass for weeks,” Rafe admitted. “I think the only solution is to keep you under my desk with my cock down your throat. Put that smart mouth to some good for once, mm?”
She whined, pushing back against him for more friction.
“Fuck, you like that?” he asked incredulously. “It’s one thing for you to let me tame you, but you’re taking enjoyment in this? Kinda makin’ it hard for me. Never would’ve guessed you like being used like a doll so badly.”
“You’re mean,” she pouted, actually pouted at him and he grinned wolfishly.
Rafe shook his head. “No, baby, being mean would be binding your hands together with my tie and forcing you to cum until you cry.” She had no counter to that.
The fingers on his other hand pushed into her mouth, past her teeth, and she involuntarily sucked. “Good girl,” he cooed, not letting up on the strokes to her clit. “That mouth has done nothing but cause me trouble the last few weeks. Show me what good it can do, hmm?”
She nodded softly, obediently, and flicked her tongue over the digits, allowing him to pet at the inside of her cheek. She whimpered when he dipped his other fingers into her cunt, bringing them right back to her clit to keep her on the edge.
He thrusted against her thigh and gave her another little slap right where she was most sensitive. Rafe toyed with her swollen, glistening clit until she was breathing heavily and her legs were losing their stability. Had he not pinned her body tight against the wall, she’d collapse into a shaky pile of pleasure. He noticed her eyes rolling back into her head and pulled his fingers away, watching her gasp and whine at the loss of contact.
“What?”
“Need more,” she sniffled.
Rafe shook his head, almost chastising. “I know what you need.”
He was going to return to what he was doing, he wasn’t that mean. But he must’ve had her closer to orgasm than he’d anticipated because she got shameless.
“Please, please, Rafe, oh my God,” she whined, squirming under him. Her hips bucked up to try and get traction against his hands but he pulled away just in time. “Touch me again, please, I’ll do anything. I need it, please.”
His eyebrows had never been higher. He pushed his tongue along his bottom teeth amusedly. “Sweetheart, I didn’t even have to ask you to beg,” he pointed out, voice light and adoring. “But since you did anyways, I’ll help my girl out.”
She preened again, this time allowed to make contact with him. He placed a hand on her hip and pulled his cock out, already flushed and leaking and really fucking hard. Rafe dragged the precum on the tip along the entire head before bringing it to her cunt, dragging them together slowly. She cried out again at the new contact.
“Doesn’t this feel good, pretty girl?” he asked, angling just right to apply pressure on her clit. Judging by the full-body shudder he got out of her, the answer was yes.
“I want– oh fuck– more, please,” she said. He laughed a little. She knows what she likes.
“Tell me exactly what you want me to do, baby.”
“I want your cock inside me,” she begged, blinking up at him with long, fluttering lashes. “Wanna feel you stretch me open. Don’t you wanna use my cunt however you like? That’s all I want.”
Good fuck, who could resist that? He buried himself to the hilt, sending his brain to a skittering halt and hers into a frenzy. She grabbed at his back, whimpering with every inch, every drag that he stretched her open. He didn’t even register that he was getting scratched by the same nails she’d obnoxiously painted in his office just a couple weeks ago.
“Oh, wow,” he finally groaned, withdrawing and thrusting back in, letting his brain adjust to the feeling of holyfuckI’minsideherwereallyshouldn’tdothis. “I could fuck you forever. You sure you don’t want an administrative job around here?”
Her fingers made their way back up to his shoulder, head thumping against the wall. “Bite me.”
“If you insist.” He leaned in and gently sunk his teeth into the soft flesh of her neck, kissing the skin right after. He led all the way up to her ear until she was shivering and his strokes didn’t miss a beat.
Y/N’s cunt clenched around him, and he saw white. “Goddamn, sweetheart, if we’d been doing this sooner, I would’ve let you do whatever the hell you want,” Rafe groaned, moving her hair out of her face.
She can’t let anything nice stay nice, though. “Slut,” she teased, smirk disappearing with a deep stroke.
His eyes narrowed. “I’m the slut?” he asked, pulling out and forcing a whine from her.
He moved her over to his desk, shoving her over the edge and pinning her there. Rafe pushed her head against the solid wood by the nape of her neck. “I’ve wanted to bend you over like this since I laid eyes on you,” he muttered, removing his hand and sliding it down her back.
She turned back, batting her lashes at him as he lined up his ruddy tip at her core. “Mm, you should’ve. So forbidden, would’ve been so hot.”
Rafe didn’t answer, just pushed his cock into her and a soft cry escaped from her lips. She tried to bite down on them but he laughed and sank all the way in until his hips were flush with hers. “We’re over three floors away from the rest of the office. Be as loud as you want, princess.”
And she did. Honestly, it wasn’t the best advice, because hearing her cries and whimpers for his cock further in her was only making him lose his rhythm and chance of lasting more than five minutes. He felt her reach down and play with her clit, and normally he’d reprimand her for doing this without permission, but it seemed like torture with how close she already was.
Feeling her cum around his cock was un-fucking-real. He finished shortly after, pulling out to paint her inner thigh with his own spend. He amusedly watched it drip down her skin, down the legs she could barely even stand on.
“Job’s still on the table, baby,” he reminded her, tucking himself back into his trousers. “Anything to keep you here and doing that more. Blackjack next?”
#rafe cameron smut#rafe cameron fanfiction#rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron x you#rafe cameron x y/n#rafe x reader#outer banks#obx#obx4#obx netflix#outer banks fic#outer banks smut#outer banks netflix#posts at 9 am like a totally normal person lmfao
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santa's little helper 𐂐◯𓇋 (klh)
desc: mall santa!leehan x mall elf!reader
warnings: smut, mdni!, perv!leehan (ofc), p in v, no protection used (no glove, no love 🫵), reader is mean but it's okay bc leehan is into it, degradation, praise, cute petnames, sexual acts in a public space (restroom), oral (reader receiving), sub!leehan, dom!reader, afab!reader, + lmk if there's anything i missed :)
wc: 2,842
you pulled the elf hat down again, annoyed that it kept drifting up on your head. you certainly didn’t feel very festive, the bright green clothing scratchy against your body anytime you moved an inch. in fact, you looked like you had come straight out of a christmas comedy, with your bored expression and your green pointed shoe tapping against the tiled floor.
your university had collaborated with the local mall for the annual santa pop-up, allowing college students to put work toward any necessary volunteer hours. you didn't have many other opportunities since your classes filled up a lot of time, so here you were, dressed in a tacky, too-tight costume waiting for the onslaught of kids to show up.
"perk up. elves aren't supposed to look cranky."
oh yeah, and there was that. or him, rather.
you turned around to fix the boy with a scowl. "the event hasn’t even started yet."
his response was that wide, irritating grin of his. "tsk, tsk… talking back to santa? do you want to be on the naughty list this year?"
kim leehan. of course he got the role of santa, being one of the most proactive students at the university. he was on the dean's list, president of the aquatic club, was apart of at least five other clubs, and was present at most volunteering events. he also happened to be incredibly annoying, always so egotistical. even if he was objectively one of the more attractive boys on campus, his personality irked you to no end.
you rolled your eyes and turned around, ignoring the chuckle he let out.
"lighten up. i'm just trying to look out for you–we’re going to start soon."
right. sure he was.
as if on cue, a gaggle of children ran toward the gated-off area like a swarm of hyperactive puppies. you quickly plastered on a smile and started by greeting the first one, instructing her to sit on santa's lap and tell him what she wanted for christmas. you stood in front of the line so no rogue child could enter, and watched as another elf wrote down the girl's wish. then you allowed the next child to enter.
your shift went by like that, rather monotonously, until the last child had gone through.
"alright, folks! that's the end of today. thank you so much for your work. if you need me to sign a slip saying you were present, just let me know," the person in charge of the event said. "for those of you that don't mind, can you help us clean up the area for tomorrow's volunteers?"
you watched as the only other elf left, leaving you, leehan, and the event coordinator. you frowned but decided it wouldn't hurt to have some extra minutes of volunteer time, bending down and straightening the tinsel and fairy lights along the base of santa's chair.
"wasn't that fun?" leehan's voice came from behind you, startling you a little. "seeing all those happy children... it just made my heart melt."
"i guess. it wasn't fun having to keep the little ones out. they looked at me like i was their number one opp."
leehan let out a laugh. "well, that's okay. at least you look cute in your uniform."
you raised an eyebrow. "um... thanks?"
"it really suits you." leehan added, smiling down at you. "really accentuates your features."
you became more aware of how tight your costume was. they didn't have your size when you got to the event, them stating that they didn't order enough costumes. apparently they let all of their volunteers keep the costume when they were done as a token of appreciation. you now wished that was not the case.
"leehan, aren't you supposed to be helping me straighten things up?" you asked in an attempt to change the subject.
"fine." leehan said to your surprise. he bent down and helped you with straightening up the christmas decorations, then stood back up. "there. done."
"we should let the event coordinator know."
"they left." leehan said, gesturing at the gate. "probably going to do paperwork or something. we better head out."
you grabbed your backpack and followed him out of the gated area leading to the rest of the mall.
"i wonder why they stop the santa visits so early. the mall doesn't close for another three hours." leehan mused.
"the kids probably have an early bedtime." you said absentmindedly, looking around for the nearest bathroom so you could change back into your clothes.
your eyes landed on a large restroom sign and you immediately started walking toward it. you heard footsteps behind you and turned your head, seeing that leehan was following you. right, he probably wanted to change back into his clothes too.
you stopped at the restroom door, realizing that it was unisex, one stall. you turned around to tell leehan this so he could find another restroom, but he just brushed past you, opening the restroom door with a smirk. the door closed behind him, and you noticed that the door still indicated that it was vacant, meaning he didn't yet lock it. you scoffed.
was this a challenge?
you felt the familiar feeling of irritation and you let out a sigh. you had seen the restroom first, and you knew that the next restroom would probably be quite a few feet away. the itchy green fabric rubbed against your skin, as though making the decision for you. you pushed open the restroom door.
"okay, you freak. i found this restroom fair and square." you said with your hands on your hips.
leehan was leaned against the sink counter still in his santa getup as though expecting you. "oh?"
"yeah. so get out."
"or what?" leehan scoffed, crossing his arms in front of his chest. "what will you do if i don't?"
you let out another sigh, feeling disheartened and prepared to give up the damn restroom when your eyes trailed down and noticed the tent straining against leehan's pants.
"oh... my god. you sick freak." you said, scrunching your nose in disgust. "do you seriously have a boner right now?"
leehan pushed off of the counter, taking a few steps closer to you. "maybe. maybe not. why? wanna help me with it?"
"help you with it?" you sneered. "tell me, why do you have one in the first place? is it because of me?"
"yes." leehan said immediately, not an ounce of shame in his voice. his eyes softened even as he stood tall over you. "please... i want you."
"you sound pathetic." you said, although your tone had less bite than it previously did. in truth, his words sent a warmth straight to your cunt. the prospect of fucking him didn't sound entirely awful. in fact, the idea seemed almost enticing, and his pleading eyes didn't help.
you locked the door, sliding it from "vacant" to "occupied."
"you want me?" you chided, taking a step toward leehan, closing the distance.
leehan nodded eagerly. "yes. god, please, yes."
"unbutton your coat." you said while crossing your arms, unimpressed.
leehan brought his hands up to the fleece material, his fingers clumsily unbuttoning the coat one by one, leaving his chest bare. he didn’t even have a shirt on under it? you scoffed, wondering if he had somehow planned this.
leehan started to slide the coat off, but you stopped him. "did i tell you to take it off?"
"n-no..." leehan said with raised eyebrows, stopping his actions. "sorry."
“make it up to me. wanna touch me?” you gently pushed him so he was against the wall.
leehan let out an involuntary moan, making your pussy throb. “yes, please… wanna touch you so bad.”
"mm well, since you asked so nicely..." you leaned forward so that your face was inches away from his. then you grabbed his hands and placed them on your boobs.
leehan began kneading them gently, his thumb running over your nipple through the fabric. you let out a sharp gasp at the contact and felt his dick get harder against your leg.
"you're so fucking hot..." he murmured, leaning forward to kiss you.
you kissed him back as you slowly rubbed your thigh against his dick. he pulled away with a moan, his head falling back. you took the opportunity to pepper kisses along his neck, sucking and leaving marks as you went.
"please..." leehan's voice cracked.
"hmm? please what?" you asked, reaching up to pinch his nipple.
"ah! f-fuck... please t-touch me!"
"i am touching you, leehan." you said matter-of-factly, squeezing his nipple again for emphasis.
leehan bit his lip. "w-want you to touch my dick, p-please!"
"i think i need some convincing first." you leaned back, leehan whimpering at the loss of contact. "make me feel good, then i'll consider it."
"i'll make you feel good... make you feel so, so fucking good."
"then do it." you said with a scoff. "or are you just all talk?"
leehan smashed his lips against yours, pulling you into him. the kiss was messy, with saliva mixing and short breaths of air. he tugged on the hem of your shirt and you took the hint, breaking away from the kiss to tug the shirt up and over your head. your bra followed soon after, the cool air hitting your already perky nipples.
"fuck..." leehan breathed, staring at your chest. "so fucking pretty."
before you had the chance to feel shy, leehan resumed kneading your tits, paying special attention to your nipples. you threw your head back with a moan as leehan swirled his tongue around your nipple, using his other hand to rub against your clothed clit.
"oh fuck, leehan..." you groaned, biting your lip.
"feel good? do i make you feel good?" leehan asked, looking at you intently.
"so good, leehan. so good, just as you promised." you didn't miss the way that leehan's dick twitched at your praise.
you felt your orgasm building fairly quickly just from his hand and fingers alone, your body betraying you. "l-leehan, i'm gonna cum."
"wait."
you froze, eyes wide as you looked at leehan. oh god, was he uncomfortable? did he realize how crazy this--
"i want to taste you." leehan said, a dopey smile on his face. "please, y/n. please let me eat you out."
and how could you deny that?
you quickly slid out of your green leggings, tossing the damned elf hat off while you were at it. leehan sunk down to the floor, face-to-face with your pelvis. before you could take off your panties, leehan reached forward and pushed your panties to the side before grabbing your waist and pulling you toward him. you gasped as he dove face-first into your cunt. as he nibbled on your clit, you swore you could see stars. leehan's tongue lapped inside you as though his life depended on it.
"nngh... l-leehan, fuck! s-slow down, i'm not gonna last!"
"don't want you to." leehan managed to get out between sucking on your folds and panting. "want you to cum."
his words pushed you over the edge, your vision going blurry as you came in his mouth, just as he wanted. as your vision came back, you panted and leehan peeled himself from you, a sheen of your cum on his chin. he licked his lips and wiped his chin with his sleeve, grinning up at you. "that was so hot. you taste so good, baby."
you ignored the way the pet name made your heart flutter. "now then... i believe it's your turn."
leehan's eyes grew wide as though he had forgotten about himself. he hastily stood up and shucked off his pants along with his boxers, his dick springing up proudly.
you let out a chuckle. "looks like someone's excited to see me..."
leehan nodded, sucking in a breath, "i need you, y/n."
"need me, huh? tell me, do you do this often?" you spit in your hand before reaching forward, grabbing his dick and sliding your hand down it.
he let out a choked moan. "n-no, just you..."
"oh? just me? so what, you've been thinking about me?"
"mmh... yes, y-yes..."
"and what have you been thinking about?" you ran your thumb over his slit, causing him to throw his head back in pleasure. "nasty things, i'm sure."
leehan didn't respond, instead letting out more lewd moans. but his flushed face told you everything you needed to know.
"i'm right, aren't i? you're such a fucking pervert." you said, speeding up your pace.
"n-n-no!" leehan managed to choke out.
"don't you lie to me. i could stop, you know." you said, doing just that. leehan's cock stood in your hand, the tip weeping and red.
"no! p-please!" leehan begged, almost manically. "please don't stop, please please--"
"then don't lie. you've been thinking nasty thoughts about me, haven't you?"
leehan's lip quivered. "y-yes... i have..." he looked like a hurt puppy, shame spread across his cheeks in a pink dust.
you felt a pang in your heart at the poor, pathetic boy in front of you. "tell me what you've been thinking about."
"w-what?" leehan bit his lip nervously.
"tell me or you won't get to cum." you said firmly.
leehan let out a soft sigh. "i just... thought about you fucking me. you... finding out about my feelings toward you and..." he trailed off, his blush deepening. his feelings toward you? you felt your lips tug into a smile, finding the sentiment endearing. but you’d have to revisit this later.
you resumed jerking him off at the same rapid pace you were previously, causing him to moan loudly. "so you wanted this to happen? i wonder how many nights you spent jerking off to the thought of me fucking you. how pathetic..."
"w-wait... w-wanna be inside y-you... please! please..." leehan whined out between moans.
you stopped your ministrations on his cock, feeling the growing wetness in your cunt. "oh, you want to be inside me, huh?”
leehan nodded insistently, eyes wide and pleading. “please, y/n, please…”
“aww…” you cooed, raking your free, unsoiled hand through his hair. “let’s switch spots.”
the two of you shifted so that you were against the wall and you finally pulled off his coat, admiring his arms. “alright, pretty… do you think you could help me keep one of my legs up?”
leehan visibly melted a bit at the nickname. “yes, i think so.” he lifted your right leg up with one hand, using the other to steady himself against the wall.
you placed your hands on his shoulders, placing a kiss against his jawline. "alright, whenever you’re ready."
leehan nodded and licked his lips, moving your underwear to the side once again before slowly pushing his girth into you.
"oh, f-fuck!" you moaned, wrapping your arms around leehan's neck.
once leehan's dick was buried inside you, he promptly pulled out and slammed back in, eliciting moans from both of you.
"you're doing so good." you cooed in his ear, sucking more marks into his skin.
his pace quickened, the sound of flesh against flesh filling the room. his movements were so needy, so impatient. if you weren’t equally as needy, you would have teased him about it.
"nngh... f-fuck, y/n... so wet..." leehan's voice came out breathy. "i think i'm g-gonna cum..."
"already? we just started." you said, trying to keep your voice steady. "you really can't last any longer? too excited to get your dick wet?"
"c-can't... help it!" leehan's eyes squeezed shut, his thrusting getting inconsistent and sloppy.
"that's okay... you're just my cumslut, aren't you?" you said, raking your nails against his back.
"fuck... y-yes, i'm your-- cum-- i'm cumming!" leehan choked out before you felt a warmth gushing inside of you, filling you up. you followed soon after, his orgasm fueling your own.
leehan gently pulled you off of him and helped you lean back against the wall, your legs a bit wobbly. "fuck, y/n... that was so..." he trailed off, grinning at you from ear to ear.
you felt your face grow warm, becoming aware of your nakedness. "um... yeah."
"so... i don't want things to be awkward between us." leehan said softly. "so um... would you maybe like to go out with me? i was kinda hoping for something more beyond the physical."
"oh, so there some innocent thoughts scattered among the dirty ones?"
leehan's blush returned. "uh... yeah. i would say there were quite a few. innocent ones, i mean!"
you laughed. "yeah, sure. i'll go on a date with you."
"really?" leehan beamed at you, his eyes nearly disappearing with how big his smile was.
"yeah... but first let's put on some clothes, hmm? and by clothes, i mean our regular clothes."
"what's wrong with the santa costume? it seemed to get you going." leehan said, wiggling his eyebrows.
you wrinkled your nose. "um, no. incorrect."
"liar. i bet you loved being santa's little helper."
"gross." you groaned. "you're such a freak."
leehan grinned. "so i've been told."
a/n: i was at the mall w @blueberrybeomgyu & @escapistgarden when berry was like omg mall santa fic as a joke and then ofc i couldn't stop thinking abt it 😭 im SICK but it's okay bc i made this :p i cant believe how long this turned out... im used to writing drabbles but slay ig. anyway, if ur reading this, tysm for ur support! <3 hope u enjoyed :) also, merry christmas! (if you celebrate <3)
#bnd smut#boynextdoor smut#kim leehan#kim leehan smut#kim donghyun#kim donghyun smut#bnd hard hours#boynextdoor hard hours#boynextdoor hard thoughts#kim leehan hard thoughts#kim donghyun hard thoughts#kim leehan hard hours#kim donghyun hard hours#boynextdoor x reader#boynextdoor imagines#kim leehan imagines#kim donghyun imagines
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La Squadra x reader: How They Flirt
Yikes. They’re trying-
Content: casual flings, slight suggestiveness, creepy Melone, different relationship depending on character
Characters: all La Squadra (-Sorbet and Gelato)
Style: quick headcanons
-Formaggio: Very casual flirt, tends to walk that line that makes you wonder if he’s actually flirting with you or just being nice. And he’ll flirt with any cute thing that catches his eye, doesn’t mean he’s looking for anything serious, but giving him attention back will make him hover around a bit more. He wants to see what will happen.
He’ll offer to buy you a drink at the bar, asking if the seat next to you was taken, and if not he’ll playfully wonder out loud why. You really don’t have a sweetheart? Well he’s nobody’s first choice but if you want some company for the night, he’s a pretty good conversationalist~
He’s a natural, much more socially aware than most of his squad mates. He knows leaning forward while you talk will make you feel heard, and asking you questions about yourself will make him seem genuinely interested in you. By the end of the night, his hand’s on the back of your chair and you’re sharing drinks and laughing together. Maybe you’ve even given him your number. But don’t take it personally when the second you turn around suddenly he’s chatting it up with the next cute thing he spotted. He’s not even trying to make you jealous, he’s just having a good time, and there’s plenty of him to share. If you do actually want to get somewhere with him, make it obvious…he likes that and he’ll be willing to give you more attention for bold behavior.
-Illuso: God, he is BORING. His body language doesn’t even convey any particular interest in you, and he doesn’t even ask about you, just starts listing his appealing traits to try to convince you he’s a good time and worth spending an evening with. You suspect he just wants money from you, but he’s just not very good at flirting. He really does want you to let him take you out on the town for the night, but he’s too prideful to ask outright…it feels like begging to him. You’d be better off just asking him yourself if he wants to spend the evening with you. He has some nerve acting like he wasn’t trying for that when he says: “Well, if you insist~”
-Prosciutto: He’s extraordinarily blunt but…when you’re as handsome and serious as he is it honestly works.
Don’t try to play coy with him if he decides to approach you, he wants some companionship tonight and he’s not gonna work that hard for it. You only get one chance with him before he decides if he does or doesn’t want to spend an evening with you, so be assertive back if you think he’s someone you wanna play with.
“You want a drink on me or not?” he asks, resting his elbow on the bar and gazing at you with those intense eyes. He won’t ask again. It’s yes or no. And if you say yes he’s gonna order you whatever he thinks you want.
He’s a horribly grumpy and audacious companion…but once you get used to it he doesn’t have ill-intentions. He just wants a good time tonight, like most people who go out alone to a bar on the weekend.
-Pesci: One word. AWKWARD. He does Not know much about flirting, beyond the basics. But knowing the basics doesn’t mean he knows how to put them all together. People like compliments…but also confidence and devil may care attitudes…and how is he even supposed to know what you like…?
He didn’t mean to just. Sit there and stare at you from across the restaurant. He didn’t realize he was even doing that until your eyes meet and you awkwardly wave him over, since clearly he wants something from you.
He settles for the only thing he can think to do as he awkwardly shuffles over to your table. He tells you he likes your shoes. It makes you laugh and you ask him his name and invite him to sit with you, willing to see where this might go. You end up giving him your number, since you couldn’t deny a bit of curiosity towards him.
-Melone: He walks by your table at a restaurant and not so subtly tosses a cocktail napkin in front of you, with something written on it:
“Nice thighs~”
Signed with his number and his name with a heart next to it.
Gross, what the hell…?
It doesn’t take long for you to catch his eye, and you shake your head and glare at him disapprovingly. He just tilts his head at you, his eyes narrowing as his lips turn up into a smirk and he blows you a kiss.
GROSS. What the HELL?
You have no idea if he’s just being confident, stupid, or straight-up a creep.
You subtly text one of your friends to come pick you up so you don’t have to walk home alone tonight.
You have No idea what that guy was Expecting to get out of that interaction, but he can forget it until he improves his flirting game, if that’s even what that was-
-Ghiaccio: He is NOT the type to humiliate himself by flirting with random people. He finds it desperate, and he’s not much of a quick fling or even “romantic relationships” person anyways. If he does end up attempting to flirt with you, it’s because he’s known you for a while and truly has some sort of mind-consuming crush on you. If it didn’t literally keep him up at night, he’d probably never ask you out and just bottle it up forever.
It’s a bit terrifying to see him stomp over to you, that signature intenseness permeating his body language. Despite how naturally cold his body was, his face looks warm and he speaks especially loudly while trying to give you a kind compliment. He doesn’t beat around the bush for very long. “WOULD YOU LIKE TO JOIN ME FOR DINNER?!” he screams at you, unintentionally. Say yes and he’ll tell you he’ll pick you up at 6:30 exactly and then hurry off in a huff of embarrassment. Say no and he’ll activate White Album and escape as fast as possible and avoid you for the rest of the day, ending the evening with an apology text and insisting you both just forget he ever said anything. Please. He will DIE if you mention it again after rejecting him-
-Risotto Nero: He’s very much like Ghiaccio in the sense that he’s not interested in some sort of quick and casual thing, or relationships in general. He’s got a job to do, he doesn’t have time for dating. But if he’s known you for a while and enjoys your company…there’s a slim chance he’ll attempt to flirt, with the intent of inviting you on a date. It’s a bit awkward, and you really can’t tell what he’s going for at first when he mentions a nice, secluded spot for a private stroll. It honestly kinda sounds like a threat when he words it like that, though you’re sure that’s not his intent. But being direct with him will make him more direct with you.
Ask if he’s inviting you on a date and he’ll say yeah, that was the intention…only if you aren’t busy and actually wish to spend some time with him.
You’re sure it’ll be a bit quiet and awkward at first but…you’re flattered to be invited, and don’t have any plans that night so…may as well.
#jjba x reader#thus wrote mrs zeppeli#jojos bizarre adventure x reader#la squadra x reader#formaggio x reader#illuso x reader#prosciutto x reader#pesci x reader#ghiaccio x reader#melone x reader#risotto nero x reader
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synopsis. just building cats out of bricks with satoru gojo.
a/n. it came to me in a dream....... ( first time writing for gojo and I'm . a bound of nerves 😵💫😵💫 but my inner demons worked hard..... and there's something so comforting about building lego sets around Christmas.......TT. anywayy,, as usual I'll proofread as soon as I wake up! happy holidays everyone <3)
just thinking about assembling building blocks together with satoru gojo. it's an unusual evening, unplanned and beyond the closed window the city is still bustling under the first caresses of snow.
the cold can't touch you, here. he made sure to put the heater on when you stepped on the threshold of his house and a blanket eventually found its way to you once the coat got discarded on the faraway corner of the sofa.
unplanned. like the black and yellow cardboard near the coffee table or the white, numbered paper bags you were opening after finishing a piece of the entire structure. one at the time. you suppose that ending up at satoru's place and building lego was not something you'd imagine yourself doing in one of december's seemingly never-ending afternoon. but the tv is on with some christmas-themed romcom, satoru's long limbs are shoved under the small coffee table you were set to use as a building headquarter and the heater's nice.
it was supposed to be a gift, you believe, but on the box there has never been a specific address or some kanji with a name, nor it was wrapped like any other christmas gifts. it was there, annoyingly on display for everyone to see and it became an impromptu gift with no recipient.
"and so you bought it?" satoru repeats again, throwing a glance to the instructions once again before placing the brick on the semi-stable structure he was assembling. "it seems like I'm becoming a bad influence to you, huh"
you don't grace him with an answer— too busy trying to put together all the pieces of the ninth bag. the pieces fit perfectly with each other, and after a while the cat became more than discernible. satoru didn't try to maintain the conversation, now entirely sucked in whatever platform he had to build.
the clock on the wall kept going, but its ticketing fell on deaf ears. you couldn't help but glance at him; satoru was focused but his eyes betrayed his boy-ish intrigue to the blocks. it felt weird in a sense, to being a witness of such a moment. the pieces were smaller than his pinkies, and you've noticed that sometimes his nails would get in the way while pushing a block onto another one. surprisingly he seemed to really like it, and not just following your rhythm absentmindedly.
(but you suppose that's satoru specialty, surprising you. and it has happened more times that could be counted on your fingers, lately.)
a beat. you return to your piece but soon enough the moment to put all of that together happens and you're left wondering after a whispered "I don't remember building lego before" leaves his mouth. a confession of sorts that has your stomach turn in knots before you could even blink. you don't think you were supposed to hear it in first place, as his eyes still don't dare to leave the base of the creature made of blocks.
it struck you then how much care satoru actually is putting in his half of the work: he is taking his time to read and follow the instructions where he would've not had the will to keep going— getting easily distracted in any other situation; delicately fitting the pieces of this cat-sized puzzle deep in concentration, with his tongue peeking out once a peculiar mechanism demands more attention than anything else. it's not something he's following through just because you asked for him to, but more because he's actually enjoying it.
(enjoying doing such mundane activities with you.)
one, two, three pieces and the cat is done. satoru pushes jokingly the spare pieces towards your side of the table and you wordlessly puts them in one of the bags you've been opening for a while. but there's something wrong, you think eyeing the cat once again, something that makes your eyes squint in concentration. before he could even question (or joke) about what has you frowning so much, you pick the spare pair of eyes from the bag, the blue one, and you replace them to what satoru has picked previously. useless to say, the choice has him pouting at you.
"now, why would you that? brown eyes suited him" he retorts, his chin lying on his crossed arms on the smooth surface of the table. it's probably the third time, in all those years you've known him, that you can see his eyes so clearly without sunglasses or blindfold on.
"with blue eyes it reminds me of someone I know, unfortunately" you shrug, holding on into this staring contest he started first, and it has you feeling dizzy somehow. exposed, even. but his pouts doesn't disappear, it only lasts more which is why eventually leads you to a sigh— and under his amused expression you retrieve one of the eyes to put the blue one. "you happy now?"
"very much, thank you!"
you sigh again, this time more loudly while leaning against the small sofa. then, before you could even ponder the words sitting on your tongue, you ask him: "should we give it a name?"
the smile on satoru's face betrayed his mask once again.
(days later, after one hard mission assigned, megumi would question the presence of the lego cat to which satoru would answer with the proudest look the kid's ever seen on his face: "his name is Taro!")
#jujutsu kaisen#jjk#anime x reader#jjk gojo#gojo fluff#gojo satoru#satoru gojo#gojo x you#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#gojo satoru fluff#satoru gojo x reader#satoru x reader#satoru x you#jjk x you#jjk x reader#first time writing for gojo......... kinda nervous...........
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Lilia Silver's father telling Eric Venue that "Hey we should found NRC Single Father Alliance, and I can totally share with you my babysitting and cooking tips!!!"
Family means Nobody is Left Behind or Forgotten.
“Single Father Alliance?” Eric lowered his sunglasses. Surprise danced in his glittering violet eyes.
"That's right~" chirped the short man beside him. He kicked his legs playfully, as if he were seated on a playground swing and not a luxurious sofa in the Pomefiore lounge.
Eric crossed his legs and laced his fingers together, setting them on his thighs. He angled his body forward slightly--showing interest, but not full commitment. As a seasoned star, he knew how to wield his clout and charm like weapons.
He brushed a lock of flaxen hair from his forehead, switching roles. The kind, doting dad was stashed away, and out came the business whiz and movie star tycoon.
"... You have my intrigued. Tell me more about your proposal." His tone was friendly, but his words had a hefty weight to them. It was as if each was a brick, laid down one by one to craft a fortress.
"Most parents or guardians come as a pair." Lilia held up two index fingers, making them touch. "There are challenges only we as single fathers experience and understand. Is it not wise, then, for us to band together? There is strength to be found in numbers... and in sharing knowledge."
"Hmm, you make a strong case." Eric stroked his bearded chin. "And you made mention of sharing your babysitting and cooking tips earlier? I take it you are confident in those skills."
"Certainly! I'll have you know that I frequently host my son's childhood friend. I once nursed a bat back to health before releasing it into the night. For a short while, I even tended to a very special egg." Lilia giggled, a proud smile spreading on his lips. "My cooking is second to none! One bite is all it takes to knock you out and send you straight to heaven!"
"Really!" Surprise lit up Eric's famously handsome face. "Your resume sounds about as stacked as the elite nanny I hired for Vil in his childhood."
"My, a nanny?" Lilia's eyes crinkled. "Mmm... I suppose it is a necessity for a man as busy as yourself. But if that's the case, perhaps you won't find much use for my tips."
"Haha, don't be mistaken. I did rely on hired help back then, but I do make time even now to spend with my dear Vil. Movie outings, arts and crafts at home, spa nights..." His gaze softened, and there was a real warmth threading his voice. "After all, he's the apple of my eye--and he always will be."
Lilia clutched at his heart. "... Such a pure, true love. Kufufu, yes, yes, having an honorable man like yourself on the Single Father's Alliance would put my weary old soul at ease. It would reassure me that our future is in safe hands."
"Weary old soul? You barely seem a day over high school age yourself."
Or at least that's what Eric thought. Most of the time when he snuck a glance at this chap, he seemed young. The height, his mannerisms. But his voice and the advice he dispensed with it was deep and worn with wisdom, and sometimes creases and wrinkles appeared where they weren't before.
"I can share my anti-aging secrets with you as well," Lilia offered with a cheeky wink.
"You drive a hard bargain--but I'm afraid I'll have to decline. It's not that you don't make a tempting offer or that I think I'm the perfect father. It's that my Vil's an adult now, and I want to give him that time and space he needs to grow and learn... without me stepping for him. I'll be there for him if he needs it, but Vil's path is his ultimately his own--end of story."
"... What a shame." The fae slowly shook his head. "That's alright though, I accept your decision on account of that moving speech you delivered. That, and I could tell from listening to you speak that you already know what you're doing."
There is nothing left for me to teach you. I know you'll be able to figure things out on your own.
Lilia curled a hand against his chest.
To have a father such as you... Vil is very fortunate indeed.
#disney twisted wonderland#twst#disney twst#twisted wonderland#Lilia Vanrouge#Eric Venue#NRC Family Day#twst interactions#twisted wonderland interactions#twst imagines#twisted wonderland imagines#twst scenarios#twisted wonderland scenarios
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Okay so the inclusion of Tarot cards/reading really intrigued me this chapter. I'm familiar with tarot reading so I tried to figure it out although they only said three cards. I didn't see anyone else try to pick this apart (there could be! my tumblr has been having trouble loading). So I wanted to try and pick it apart in the simplest terms.
I'm not the best with interpretations and I'm still learning myself.
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-The 4 of Cups (upright) means disconnection, boredom and waiting. This card was supposed to represent Anya's present so I guess it makes sense: Anya is trying to overcome the disconnection with Damien to help in the mission. It could also point to her studies, which she finds boring. As for the waiting aspect, the entire mission is a waiting game. I've also read that the card can be about the person in question not seeing or focusing on opportunities in front of them. The Cups in the Minor Arcana usually deals with emotions, relationships, love and intuition.
-The Death card [people always take this one literally]. The Death card can mean the end of something but that also means the beginning of something else. It can also mean transformations. This change can lead to growth. I think Melinda said this represented factors around Anya. Perhaps it pertains to her growth in general (rather than the joke of Yor as the grim reaper).
-The Star (reversed). This is the only one of the three shown to be reversed. If it was upright, it'd mean hope and inspiration but reversed means the opposite: hopeless, losing trust [in the universe] and not seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I think this was supposed to represent Anya's future (pretty vague and I'm not sure if Melinda was guessing about that)
Now the rest of the cards in the reading were shown too in the first shot. Again, since I don't know what spread this is so I can't tell what each card/spot represents in the reading. I can only tell what each card can mean on its own. The other ones I can see are: the Ace of Cups [reversed], 10 of Pentacles, and 3 of Swords (the last one is a Wands reversed but her hand blocks most of it out. I WANT to say 3 of Wands but I'm not sure).
Ace of Cups (reversed): feeling emotionally drained or blocked. Missing out on new emotional beginnings or connections. Aces can mean potential.
10 of Pentacles: long-term success and legacy, wealth and stability. Pentacles in the Minor Arcana can represent finances, home, physical body and practicality. Tens in the suits can mean manifestation.
3 of Swords: heartbreak and sorrow, a painful but necessary revelation or separation. Swords in the Minor Arcana represent intellect, thoughts, ideas and communication (I've also seen mind, ambitions, conflict and change). The number three can mean beliefs. The 3 of Swords tends to always be seen as...not great.
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I can't really imagine that Endou Tatsuya put out a bunch of random cards as a joke. At least I don't think so. I just find it interesting that he included it, even as a joke on how little Melinda understands it. It can't just be for that joke, right? Regardless it was interesting to inspect. I'd like to think that this hints that Anya's growth will either lead her towards something or what that other factors will contribute to said growth (or both). These other factors don't sound so good though (heartbreak, and sorrow as well as hopelessness). But, it could also pertain to Damien since that was part of the reading (becoming his friend).
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PROMPTS FROM WHEN HARRY MET SALLY * assorted dialogue, adjust as necessary
i've been doing a lot of thinking, and the thing is, i love you.
i love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out.
i love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich.
i love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like i'm nuts.
i love that after i spend the day with you, i can still smell your perfume on my clothes.
i love that you are the last person i want to talk to before i go to sleep at night.
i came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.
i'll have what she's having.
would you like to have dinner?
i thought you didn't believe men and women could be friends.
when did i say that?
i mean, come on, who the hell are we kidding?
most women at one time or another have faked it.
they haven't faked it with me.
that's right. i forgot. you're a man.
what was that supposed to mean?
it is so nice when you can sit with someone and not have to talk.
marriages don't break up on account of infidelity. it's just a symptom that something else is wrong.
you realize of course that we could never be friends.
men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
that's not true.
i have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
you only think you do.
they all want to have sex with you.
no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive.
i guess we're not going to be friends then.
you were the only person i knew in new york.
there are two kinds of women: high maintenance and low maintenance.
which one am i?
you're the worst kind.
you're high maintenance but you think you're low maintenance.
i just want it the way i want it.
you look like a normal person, but actually you are the angel of death.
don't you have a dark side?
when i buy a new book, i read the last page first.
if you could take him back now, would you?
why didn't he want to marry me?
what's the matter with me?
you're challenging.
i'm too structured. i'm completely closed off.
i drove him away.
how do you expect me to respond to this?
i'm leaving.
i don't have to take this crap from you.
what the hell does that have to do with anything?
are you finished now?
can i say something?
i'm sorry.
everybody thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor but they couldn't possibly all have good taste.
that is just like you.
you say things like that, and you make it impossible for me to hate you.
at least i got the apartment.
the first time we met, we hated each other.
we were friends for a long time.
it only took three months.
you will never have to be out there again.
i'm not going to tell you that.
i miss her.
you know what i miss? i miss the idea of him.
when did this happen?
you don't bounce back from that right away.
doesn't what i said mean anything for you?
i hate you, [name]. i really hate you.
what can i get you?
no one has ever quoted me back to me before.
you know, i'm so glad i never got involved with you.
i am not your consolation prize.
i wrote that.
you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them.
#rp meme#when harry met sally#rp prompt#rp memes#roleplay memes#mcflymemes#roleplay prompt#rp starters#ask memes#ask meme#roleplay meme#roleplay inbox prompts#rp inbox meme#inbox prompt#inbox meme#sentence starter#sentence starters#sentence starter prompt
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part 2 of the foxes insulting people to their face without giving a single fuck :
WYMACK :
"I'm not here to offer you kind words and pats on the back"
"some people are just hardwired to be stupid"
"neil is a walking tragedy" "you're a pretty pathetic sob story yourself"
NEIL :
"you make me uncomfortable because you don't make sense. I don't understand you"
"I can't stand you"
"I'm remembering why I don't like you"
"what I'd like is to put this phone through your teeth"
"you know, I get it. being raised as a superstar must be really, really difficult for you. always a commodity, never a human being, not a single person in your family thinking you're worth a damn off the court - yeah, sounds rough. kevin and I talk about your intricate and endless daddy issues all the time. I know it's not entirely your fault that you are mentally unbalanced and infected with these delusions of grandeur, and I know you're physically incapable of holding a decent conversation with anyone like evey other normal human being can, but I don't think any of us should have to put up with this much of your bullshit. pity only gets you so many concessions, and you used yours up about six insults ago. so please, please, just shut the fuck up and leave us alone."
"do you understand?" "yeah I understand you're a complete asshole"
"I can give you my number" "what for? [...] I wouldn't call you"
"you're not part of that family, remember? you're the cast-off"
"you are all insane"
"you are one seriously fucked-up individual"
ANDREW :
"kevin, kevin. so predictable. so pathetic."
"maybe he is afraid she'll die on him like the last woman he really loved"
"newsflash nicky: neil isn't normal" "this is beyond abnormal" "I am standing right here and I can hear you"
"you have this way of making people want to kill you"
"who am I supposed to call?" "nicky, coach, the suicide hotline, I don't care"
"you could occasionally grow a spine. I know it's a difficult concept for someone whose kneejerk reaction is to run away at the first sight of trouble, but try it sometime. you might actually like it."
"you don't have any room to judge other people's problems"
"sometimes you're interesting enough to keep around. other times you're so astoundingly stupid I can barely stand the sight of you"
"sometimes I forget you are sharper than you look"
"you and I both know you have a dreadful sense of humor so this can't be a joke"
KEVIN :
"hear that kevin? your sub said you're incompetent" "his opinion doesn't matter to me"
"you are a fucking idiot"
MATT :
"one day I want you to look up 'insensitivity' in the dictionary I'm sure it'll do your ego wonders to see your picture printed there beside it"
"would it kill you to smile when no one's paying you to?"
"no one wants you here"
AARON :
"I'm going to pretend I don't know you"
"we don't socialize with you"
DAN :
"we would make a drinking game out of it but we don't want to die of alcohol poisoning" "yeah that'd be a shame"
"I have serious concerns about your academic standings"
"hope you feel that one for a while you lowlife asshole"
NICKY :
"*points at kevin* there's a sucker born every minute"
"shut up, sour face. save your grouching for the ride back and stop spoiling our moment of glory"
"we all know kevin's as bratty as they come"
"you can be a real jerk sometimes"
#aftg#all for the game#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#david wymack#kevin day#nicky hemmick#aaron minyard#matt boyd#allison reynolds#dan wilds#renee walker#the raven king#the foxes#psu foxes
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miss oranje's faves: self-recs edition
i'm not used to praising myself bc i am my biggest hater, not my biggest fan, but i was tagged by the lovely @gothcsz to participate in @jolapeno 's 'tootathon' challenge, and i originally was going to pass up the opportunity butttt i suppose i'll *try* to say nice things about myself but i love the people in this fandom so i always enjoy participating in the fun, particularly something that promotes positivity when fandoms can be so toxic sometimes. honestly, i might need to steal this idea and make a positivity challenge for the resident evil fandom (which is what i primarily write for) because we are in need of good vibes…
*because my blog is multi-fandom, my masterlist is getting big overall, so i'm going to link my javi fics and my joel fics (along with my liztober '24 because there are a couple other pedro character fics on there)
i haven't been a part of the pedro pascal fandom for long, so my work here is limited, but i will share a few things:
it's never over (javi p x reader) - a two part fic (part one is from javi's perspective, part two is from reader's)
I really liked the concept for this fic and it was something that I wrote bits and pieces of for a while. I tried to change it to a single pov because i think i’m not someone who does well with pov switches like this, but it never captured the full scope of the story i wanted to tell when i tried to make it only javi’s or only reader’s. Ultimately, while i’d like to add onto this fic because i would like to expand upon reader’s pov, i like the story that i told in the end (i love angst). Maybe there will be a part 3…
2. and for dessert? (javi p x reader) - a short, mildly smutty story about javi and a housekeeper at a hotel
i hated this fic for a while because i got caught up in the numbers but i reread it last night and i was like, ‘okay, the concept is incredibly silly, but i guess in some way, that’s the point’. Anyway, when i looked back and stopped focusing on the numbers, i realized that i actually really like this fic, and probably wouldn’t change anything about it.
3. anniversary antics (joel x reader) - joel and his wife getting it on ... heavy breeding kink here
i wrote this in an hour or so. it just came to me. straight from the smutty brain (which is rare). this is one of the few fics of mine that i re-read and actually think 'oh this is hot'!
4. everything's bigger in texas (joel x reader) - for my liztober celebration! reader loses her virginity to joel and it's a sweet and short smut.
this is my second most popular tumblr post of all time (so it doesn’t need promo here), which is very funny because i almost didn't post this at all. i thought the size kink might be too basic and overdone but i also really wanted to write an 'older' reader as i have a tendency to write younger readers (which is partially because i am 24 and have never been older than 24 vs i have been 21 etc.) and i wanted to get away from the typical innocent virgin thing.
and also, we're gonna get personal here... i'm pretty sure i have vaginismus and so it's really really difficult to have sex. i've been shamed or questioned rather than reassured during situations where i struggle or am entirely unable to. reader in this fic was not specified to have vaginismus because i was trying to keep it light and smutty, flipping it around into a size kink, but it was a bit healing to write tbh.
I’m pretty sure everyone has already been tagged but i’ll tag some of my mutuals just in case:
@clawdee @evolnoomym @baronessvonglitter @the-mandawhor1an
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I really wish it was talked about more how exhausting it is to constantly have your phone selling your data on things that are so personal. My phone is listening in on my therapy appointments and getting Reels on depression. Speaking about how I’m afraid my cat may have cancer and being fed Tiktok video algorithm videos of people in hospice, their life before & after diagnosis, confessing to a friend how you’re starting to get physical effects from being overweight and now finding a slew of workout recommendations & finspo. I don’t get to be human, because there is an all-seeing group of numbers who are trying to recreate my human experience for me. Interspersed with Wegovy ads, Temu trash, the AI Coca Cola slop. It makes me and millions of other people feel alone. A product to a company I have no idea I was a line item more. Worthy only with my eyes, tracking every millisecond I watch a storytime about the worst day of someone’s life. This is not how life is supposed to be like. But hey, at least if I get more apathetic, I can be sold for another Better Help ad, self-conscious to be sold for a HelloFresh subscription, or if I’m lucky enough to be shown 15 minutes into scrolling, content from a friend so I can have the algorithm push a sponsored VRBO video of a cool experience to have with friends. Self-censorship like unalive or G@za just to get our points across so the platform can trick some corporation into believing it's a safe platform to sell on.
I’ve been deleting social media apps from my phone when I don’t use it. I “ask” apps to disable the location, microphone & camera access, which should never be a suggestion. I click “only necessary” cookies when visiting sites even if I have to press that button every time a new page loads on their domain. I avoid Facebook almost altogether due to its predilection for AI engagement bait. I stopped using Twitter last year after the rage bait & bot problem became apparent. I was asked by someone much younger than me why Tumblr feels like the old internet, and I said without really thinking about it, there isn’t a financial incentive for people to be upset with each other. And you know what, as poignant as it was, it made me realize why I’ve spent most of my time on Tumblr lately. Because I feel less like a product.
So yes, maybe it is harder to get a hold of me. Maybe I don’t post on social media like I used to. But I’m trying to find even the smallest modicum of control over and peace over a piece of technology I need for my livelihood. And I can’t believe, over 20 years after it’s mass public introduction, we still have lawmakers who feign ignorance on how the internet works to not enact true change in the US. All while the suicide rate for children rises, having thousands of professionals point to social media algorithms, just to be struck down by one billionaire cuck making a well-placed & timed donation. Say I'm preaching to the choir, talking to my echo chamber, but I'm not the one who coded the echo chamber.
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don't you break my faded heart
stalag luft III, friends to lovers, first kiss, frottage. (17.2k)
this is my hbo war secret santa gift for @ineededacentralblog hope you enjoy <3
🎄 also on ao3 🎄
Sixty-eight days.
That was how long he'd been trapped at Stalag Luft III, although John could admit that he was already beginning to lose track of the days.
He'd thought that he was doing an okay job of keeping track, but as he laid in his bunk now, counting the marks that he had scratched into the wooden wall of the combine, the number only came to sixty-four. Usually he wouldn't have questioned it, but sixty-four days would only bring them up to the twentieth of December, and he knew that it was Christmas Eve. He couldn't help but wonder where he had lost those four days.
He supposed it didn't really matter, though. Every single day felt the same as the last; each of them blurring into a web of frustration, boredom, and misery. If he hadn't already known that tomorrow was Christmas, he never would have guessed.
The worst part about being stuck here was that there didn't seem to be any end in sight. Who knew just how much longer they'd end up being trapped here. Until the war ended? That could be years away, and the thought of being stuck here for that long made him feel sick to his stomach.
He knew that nobody particularly liked being here, but it sometimes felt as if he was the only one who truly despised it. For the most part, the rest of the guys seemed content to simply wait it out. He couldn't understand it. They were all waiting for something to happen, but he was pretty sure that they needed to make something happen; and he seemed to be the only one who felt that way.
Still, as much as he hated to admit it, he knew that any plans of escape would probably have to wait until the weather turned a little better. It was December, and they were God knows where in the middle of Germany. The temperatures at night dropped to a cold that he'd never felt before, the kind of cold that he could feel in his bones. So, with no solid plan, and with very little idea of their surroundings, he knew that it would be suicide to try and escape right now. Unfortunately, that meant resigning himself to the fact that they'd be trapped here until the Spring, at least.
Besides, every half-assed plan that he had come up with so far seemed less likely to work than the last one. Day and night, the fences were watched by eagle-eyed guards, who he knew were only itching to pull the trigger on somebody for acting out of line, and so he knew that a mad dash for the fence wouldn't result in anything other than a bullet in the head.
Over the last week or so, he had taken to going on walks around the block; looping around their combine and down as far as the end of the block, before coming back up along the side of the fence. He hadn't pushed his luck just yet, but he'd been inching closer and closer to the fence with each walk that he'd gone on, and he was pretty sure that he'd figured out the furthest point he could get before the guards in the watchtower started to get a little uneasy.
He wasn't quite desperate enough to make a run for the fence, but sometimes, he couldn't help but let himself wonder if it would really be so bad if he did? He didn't have anybody waiting for him at home, and so what did it matter, really?
Sometimes, he felt as if it would be a kinder fate than being trapped here for God knows how long.
Still, he knew that he'd never actually do it. He still had a responsibility to take care of his men, and he couldn't do that if he was buried in a shallow grave. As much as he sometimes wanted to just.. give up and let himself die, he knew that he had to stay strong for his boys; Brady, DeMarco, Crank, Murph, Hambone.
Gale. Always Gale.
Honestly, most of it was for Gale.
His boys were tough, and he knew that if they had to keep going without him, then they'd find a way to make it happen. When it came to Gale, though, he wasn't so sure, and that was maybe the main reason that he was determined to make it through this. He didn't like to place too much importance on himself, but he and Gale were.. well, honestly, he just knew that he wouldn't survive in here without Gale, and he was pretty sure that the sentiment was returned.
He tried his best not to consider the possibility that his dependency on Gale was completely one sided, because he was pretty sure it would kill him to find out that Gale didn't need him just as badly as he needed him.
He didn't think that was the case, though. When he had first been brought to the prison camp; he had staggered in on unsteady legs, his vision swimming from the pain in his head, as well as his broken ribs. He didn't remember a whole lot from that day, but one thing he did remember with startling clarity was seeing Gale at the fence, and feeling like life had been breathed back into him.
By then, he had convinced himself that Gale was dead, and so seeing Gale’s smile again was the sweetest thing he could have imagined.
He vaguely remembered Gale bringing him to the combine and fussing over him; carefully cleaning the wounds on his face, and patching him up as well as he could with their limited supplies. He hadn't spoken much, but his face had been closed off, and his touch had been careful and gentle as he had cleaned him up.
Once Gale had done all that he could do for him in that moment, they had sat in silence, until Gale had quietly admitted that he'd thought he was dead, that he'd been so scared to think that he was dead. He hadn't known what to say in return, because he wasn't used to that sort of emotion from Gale. So, he had simply taken Gale's hand to give his fingers a gentle squeeze, doing his best to convey everything he couldn't say with what he hoped was a reassuring smile.
So, as awful a situation as it had been, he tried to hold onto that memory whenever he felt that Gale didn't need him, or that he'd be fine without him. They hadn't spoken much more about it, but they didn't need to. He knew exactly how Gale had felt when he'd thought that he was dead, and the last thing he wanted was to bring that on him again.
His last few days at Thorpe Abbotts, when he'd thought that Gale was dead, they'd been.. God, he didn't even want to think of it. He didn't want to let himself dwell on how empty he'd felt without Gale; how hopeless, how heartbroken.
He had always known that his feelings for Gale ran deeper than simply friendship, or admiration, or respect. He barely had words to describe just how much Gale meant to him, or how deeply he felt for him, and even though he knew it was wrong, that didn't change anything.
He was a man, he was a Major. He knew that he shouldn't have these kinds of feelings for his best friend, and yet, falling for Gale had felt like the most natural thing in the world. Realizing that he was in love with Gale hadn't felt as terrifying as he'd imagined it would, because he really couldn't pretend that it felt anything other than right.
Still, he wasn't naive enough to believe that there was a chance of his feelings being returned. Gale had Marge waiting for him at home, and he had never been shy about his plans to marry her once the war was over and they finally got to go home. He was happy for him, he really was, and so he had resigned himself to the idea of keeping his feelings to himself forever. It was fine. It was.
Gale was the closest friend he'd ever had, and so while he knew that his romantic feelings for Gale weren't returned, he did know that Gale felt their friendship just as deeply. That was enough for him, and so that was one of the main reasons that he was so determined to get through this. It was the main reason he hadn't made a run for the fence just yet.
Like he'd said earlier, today had been just another day in a long string of days that were all starting to run together. The only reason he even knew what day it was, was because it was Christmas Eve, and he knew that the idea of being stuck here over Christmas had put a lot of the guys in a bit of a sour mood. They'd always known that they wouldn't be home for Christmas, but he'd at least thought that they'd get to celebrate it in England; where it felt like an occasion worth celebrating.
It wasn't quite time for lights out yet, but he had to admit that he was feeling a little bit mopey over the whole situation. He hadn't slept great last night either, and so he was cold, he was tired, and honestly just feeling a little bit sorry for himself, and so what was the point in staying up?
Some of the other guys were still up, sat around the tiny table in the middle of the room and talking quietly amongst themselves as they played cards, and so he knew that he probably wouldn't actually get to sleep until it was lights out. He didn't mind, he knew he wouldn't actually sleep until Gale crawled into the bunk anyway, and so he didn't mind staying awake for a little while longer.
It had been a couple of weeks since they'd made the decision to start doubling up in their bunks at night. It was just too cold to sleep otherwise, and especially since the blankets they'd been given were little more than a thin, raggedy sheet. There was no point in even trying to rely on them to keep warm at night, and so the easiest thing to do was just double up with another guy and attempt to share body heat.
Any reservations that any of the other guys might have had about sharing a bunk with another man had long since faded with the freezing cold temperatures that they had to endure at night. He knew that some of them might be uncomfortable with the idea of it, but he certainly wasn't about to freeze his ass off in the middle of the night, for the sake of preserving his masculinity.
Even now, it was cold, although it wasn't quite as freezing as he knew it would be later. That kind of cold didn't usually set in until the middle of the night, and he was glad of the fact that there was usually a warmish body in his bunk to seek heat from by the time the temperature dropped.
He sighed, pulling the neck of his sweater up a little more securely around his chin to try and keep the warmth in, although he knew that it wouldn't do much good. Even the warm clothes they'd been given were thin and threadbare, and he knew that they were probably the bare minimum that they'd had to be given. Still, it was better than nothing, and so he'd take it.
He could feel the stubble on his jaw and his chin as he pulled up the neck of his sweater, and he knew that he was probably due a shave, but he couldn't find it in himself to want to bother. What was the point in trying to keep himself tidy and presentable, when he'd been wearing the same shirt for almost a week by now?
Even with the hygiene facilities in the camp, there was really only so much they could do when it came to keeping themselves clean. The water was icy cold at the best of times, and brown and muddy at the worst of times. The soap consisted of whatever they could scrape out of the trough that they used as a sink, and their razors were blunt enough that they were almost always guaranteed to cut themselves while shaving.
Of course it bothered him, how could it not? But he knew just how much Gale despised it.
The other man had always prided himself on his appearance; on looking neat, and tidy, and well put together. It broke his heart to watch Gale scratching at dirt stuck underneath his nails, or scraping his fingers through his hair in an attempt to keep it looking tidy.
He'd given Gale his last scrap of soap the other day, just so the other man would stop fussing and trying to wipe dirt off his hands that he wasn't sure was even there. It wasn't much, but Gale had smiled gratefully at him, and so he'd at least felt like he'd done something useful.
That was all he wanted, just to keep being useful to Gale, so that the other man would want to keep him around. He knew their friendship ran deeper than that, but it made him feel just a little bit better to give Gale a reason to want to keep him. He'd do whatever it took to continue being useful to Gale, even if that meant simply staying alive and not leaving Gale alone in here.
As if his thoughts were being read, he felt the thin mattress dip just behind him as Gale climbed into the bunk, and he glanced back over his shoulder at him, “Lights out already?” He asked. He hadn't taken much notice of the sounds of footsteps filling the room, too busy counting his scratches on the wall again.
Gale made a soft, affirmative noise, “Yeah, in a minute. They've started herding everyone inside.”
He just hummed quietly in response, before turning over so that he was facing Gale instead as the other man settled down.
Sleeping pressed up against Gale obviously didn't bother him, but he was relieved that it didn't seem to bother Gale either, because really, it was just about keeping warm during the night. He'd seen the way some of the other guys slept; Glen and Hambone usually slept with their backs to each other, the blanket shoved down between them, and as far apart as they could physically get. That didn't seem to be the most efficient way of sleeping in order to share body heat, but he wasn't about to start telling the other guys how they should sleep with their bunkmate.
He and Gale managed to make it work for the most part. It certainly wasn't warm, but it didn't feel quite so icy cold sometimes, and so that was enough for him. Besides, if he had his own selfish reasons for wanting to curl up close to Gale at night, then that was his own business, and Gale never needed to know about it.
Sometimes, on the really cold nights, Gale would press up close against him during the night, unconsciously seeking out warmth from him, and so he didn't feel bad about doing the same. On those nights, it was easier to pretend that they weren't trapped in this awful place. He could pretend that he was at home, in his own bed, and that Gale was with him; sharing a bed with him simply because he wanted to, not because he had to. It was a nice image to hold onto; one to get him through the worst parts of being here.
Once Gale had gotten as comfortable as he was probably going to get, he reached back over his shoulder to let down the thin sheet that they'd been using as a makeshift curtain. It wasn't much, but it kept at least some of the cold out, and it gave them some semblance of privacy. Not that there was anything that they needed privacy for, but he still appreciated it.
“You doin’ alright?” Gale asked once he'd settled back down, sliding a hand underneath the pillow, “You've been pretty quiet today.”
He just shrugged, “What's there to say?”
He knew that it was unusual for him to be as quiet as he'd been today, but like he'd just said, what was there to actually say? He was already in a bad mood because of the idea of being stuck here for Christmas, and so he didn't need to further that by sitting around talking about it.
Day in and day out, nothing had really changed since they'd gotten here, and so he didn't see the point in commenting on how cold it was, or how meagre their food rations had been, or how uneasy the guards seemed to be getting. They were conversations that they'd all had a thousand times by now, and he was actually sick of talking about it by now. He knew that Gale didn't want to hear any of his harebrained schemes for getting out of here, or any of his more morbid thoughts on their whole situation, and so he'd figured that he'd just keep his mouth shut and get on with it.
Gale nodded, and while it seemed as if he wanted to continue talking about it, he thankfully didn't push any further. He was glad, because he didn't particularly want to talk about any of it.
“Feels like it's gonna get colder tonight.” He said after a moment, biting his lip gently as he looked across at Gale.
For all of his insisting that he didn't see the point in talking about it, he hated simply laying here in silence. He obviously didn't mind it when they were actually settling down to sleep, but when he was laying here with Gale looking at him; he couldn't stand the silence. Besides, he could hear the rest of the guys still quietly talking to their bunkmates as they settled down, and so he didn't worry that they were keeping anybody awake.
“It does, yeah. Wouldn't be surprised if it freezes over.” Gale agreed quietly.
He was about to speak again, although he was cut off when there was a harsh bang at the door, followed by the sound of a guard yelling in broken English that it was time for lights out.
It didn't frighten him. The guards yelled, and they pushed them around, and they could be vicious when they wanted to be, but he wasn't intimidated by it. He knew that, if it came down to it, he could go toe-to-toe with any of them and would probably come out on top. Really, the only thing keeping him in line was the fact that they had guns and dogs. That obviously left him at a disadvantage.
He hated to see the way that Gale would flinch whenever a guard yelled, though, and the way he would always try to hide it. He didn't really understand the reason for it, because Gale was one of the toughest, strongest people he'd ever known, and so he'd been surprised to find that a bit of yelling made him so uneasy.
He did know that he'd had a rough childhood, though, and so he couldn't help but wonder if it had anything to do with that; if it dragged up memories of having to just stand there and take it while his father yelled at him.
It was just another thing that he wanted to protect Gale from, although he knew just how ridiculous a sentiment that was. Gale was a Major, just like he was. He was experienced, qualified, competent, and he was more than capable of taking care of himself. He didn't need him trying to protect him from the world. Besides, he was pretty sure that it wouldn't end well for either of them if the guards were to pick up on it. They might see Gale as a weak link, as someone to target when they wanted to make a point. That was the last thing he wanted to happen.
So, all he could do was try to protect Gale as well as he could, without making it too obvious.
He sighed as he watched Gale chewing anxiously at his lower lip as the guards outside slammed the shutters on the windows shut, “They're not coming in here, Buck.” He whispered. He couldn't promise that, but the guards had no reason to come in here when they had already herded everybody inside, and so he just hoped that he was right.
Gale just shot him a look, before dropping his gaze again, “I know that.” He muttered.
“Sorry.” He whispered.
He didn't mean to draw attention to it, but he just.. he hated seeing Gale like this. He hated seeing him anxious and uneasy, and so he only wanted to do whatever he could to make him feel a little bit better. He just wanted to help. Still, he could see that Gale was embarrassed that he'd noticed, and so he wouldn't say anything more about it.
He just wished that Gale wouldn't feel like that, though, because as far as he was concerned; there was nothing to be embarrassed about. The guards could be nasty when they felt like it, and so it was only natural that Gale would feel uneasy around them. Still, if Gale would rather he just turned a blind eye towards the whole thing, then he'd just have to do his best.
“Sweet dreams, fellas.” DeMarco said from his own bunk, over the other side of the room, “If you're all good, maybe Santa will come.” He teased, before switching off the light.
He huffed softly, before turning his attention back to Gale as the room was plunged into darkness, letting himself simply watch the other man as he finally settled down.
The guards had closed the window shutters, but there was just enough of a crack that the light from one of the watchtowers outside just about shone through into the room, and so he could still slightly make out Gale's features.
It was just enough for him to see that the other man looked tired, dark shadows underneath his eyes that he was just about to make out, even in the light of day. He knew they were there, though, even if he couldn't see them all too well.
He couldn't say he was surprised. He'd been here a little over two months, and he hadn't seen Gale let his guard down at all in that time. He knew how exhausting that had to be, and that was without the added pressure of being the person that everybody looked to.
He knew that Gale felt responsible for the rest of the guys; much like himself. He knew that he felt as if he had to be Major Cleven all of the time, and that he felt a responsibility to make sure that everybody was safe, and well, and looked after. It was a pretty big burden to shoulder, and he knew that Gale tended to put himself last a lot of the time. That was where he came in, to make sure that Gale was safe, and well, and looked after.
He knew that, lately, it had been taking its toll on him, though. As he looked at Gale, he couldn't help but wonder if he was coming down with something. They'd obviously all lost weight over the last two months, but Gale had always been slim, and so the way he had dropped the weight seemed almost unhealthy. He just hoped that wasn't the case, because they had enough to deal with without Gale being sick too. Still, he knew he couldn't do anything about it if that was the case; all he could do was try and deal with it.
“Are you doin’ alright?” He asked softly, lowering his voice to a whisper so that he wouldn't disturb the rest of the guys who were trying to sleep, “You don't look so hot.”
Gale just shrugged, a tiny, barely there lift of his shoulders, “Just tired, I guess. Been a long day.”
“Yeah.” He agreed.
He really didn't know what more there was to say about it. Gale was right, it had been a long day, and so had yesterday, and so had the day before that. Every day felt more mind-numbingly draining than the last, and he wasn't sure how much more of it he could take; how much more of it any of them could take. Even on a good day, it was hard enough to slap on a smile and try to be strong for the rest of the guys, but on a bad day; he barely wanted to get out of his bunk. On those days, he wanted to keep Gale here with him; he wanted to simply pull the sheets up over their heads and pretend that everything was different.
They lapsed back into silence then, and he was almost sure that Gale had finally settled down to sleep, until the other man sighed again, shifting slightly where he was laying, “John?”
“Mm?”
“D'you-” Gale started, before sighing again, “Does it bother you that it's Christmas tomorrow, and we're stuck here?”
He swallowed thickly, trying his best not to focus too hard on how Gale's words made him feel. Of course he hated it, but what was he supposed to do about it? So, he simply nodded, shrugging his shoulders, “Yeah, of course it does.” He admitted softly, “Never thought it was gonna be like this. I thought we were gonna spend Christmas at Thorpe Abbotts.”
“Yeah, so did I.” Gale admitted softly.
“Guess I just got cocky.” He whispered, huffing out a soft breath of laughter, “Last two B-17s in the air, and all that.”
He remembered saying that to Gale over their breakfast one morning, and when Gale had told him not to count on it, he had simply smiled, because to think otherwise seemed like such a ridiculous prospect. He had genuinely thought that he and Gale would be the last two left, and he hated with every fiber of his being that he'd been wrong about that.
Gale just smiled back at him, something soft and devastating in the tiny gesture. It made him feel like his heart was breaking, and he didn't even know why.
He really did feel for Gale, though, because as much as he hated the fact that they were going to be stuck here for Christmas, it also meant that they were going to be stuck here for Gale's birthday, two days later.
Had they still been in England, he would have made a fuss; he would have tried to get him something nice, maybe even tried to get him a birthday cake. As it stood, all he'd been able to scrounge up for him so far had been a bar of chocolate, and he was planning on giving him that for Christmas tomorrow. It wasn't much, but it was something. He had tried.
“It'll be different next Christmas.” He said softly, although he wasn't sure if he even believed that. What if they were still here? What if things just continued to get worse and worse? What if either he or Gale didn’t make it to next Christmas? He refused to let himself consider that possibility, because it was the worst thing he could imagine.
Gale nodded, although he didn't look all that convinced, “You think so?” He asked quietly.
“I know so.” He said, forcing a small smile, “You'll be back home to Marge by then, I guarantee it.”
Talking about Marge was pretty much the last thing he wanted to do right now, but Gale just looked so.. miserable. He looked tired, and cold, and sad, and all he wanted to do was make him smile. Marge was the one thing that was always guaranteed to make Gale smile, and while the reality of that broke his heart a little bit, there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it.
“Yeah, maybe.” Gale said softly.
He sighed, only just resisting the urge to reach across and touch Gale. He wasn't even sure what he wanted to do; gently brush his fingers against his cheek, cup his jaw, comb his hair back from his forehead. All he knew was that he wanted to do something to comfort Gale, and he'd always known how to do that best with his touch.
“Try and get some sleep, can't have you sleeping in on Christmas Day.” He whispered, rather than letting himself touch Gale at all. He did let himself shuffle slightly closer, though, because there was no point in Gale even being here if they weren't going to attempt to share body heat.
“Yeah, you too.” Gale said softly, “‘Night, Bucky.”
“‘Night.” He said with a small smile.
He closed his eyes as he pressed his face in against the pillow, willing himself to drop off to sleep. He was tired, but he could still feel his mind prickling with worry over Gale and how he was doing. It was silly, because he knew that, right at this moment, there was nothing to worry about. Gale was next to him, he was in one piece. Maybe he wasn't doing as well as he would have liked, but there was nothing he could do about that right now. They could talk again tomorrow.
The room was quiet, the rest of the guys slowly starting to fall asleep. He could already hear somebody snoring over in the opposite corner, although he couldn't tell if it was DeMarco or Brady. It was coming from that side of the room, anyway. He could hear the wind whistling icy cold just outside the window, and it made him want to burrow himself in against Gale's side in an attempt to keep them both warm.
Even at the best of times, it wasn't exactly easy to sleep in this place. The mattress and pillow were lumpy and uncomfortable, and like he'd said before, the thin sheet wasn't anywhere near enough to keep them warm at night. Even though doubling up to keep warm was really the only option, the bunks weren't exactly made for two full grown men, and so he was glad that he was sharing with somebody that he really didn't mind being pressed up against.
Still, in saying that, there were some nights that Gale was fidgety and restless, and that didn't help with the whole sleeping situation either.
It seemed that tonight was one of those nights. In the quiet and stillness of the room, he could hear the way Gale was fussing next to him. As much as he understood that he just couldn't let himself settle sometimes, he had to admit that it was frustrating, and he immediately felt selfish for even thinking that.
He opened his eyes again, sighing as he watched Gale scrubbing at his hands with his sleeve again, obviously trying to wipe away dirt that probably wasn't even there. He hated when he did this. It was a nervous habit that the other man had picked up whenever he was feeling stressed or anxious, and it made his heart twist painfully in his chest every time he noticed Gale doing it.
Honestly, he wasn't sure how he hadn't scrubbed his hands raw by now, because of his inability to leave them alone.
“Would you stop?” He murmured, taking Gale's hands to keep him from fidgeting, although he frowned when he noticed just how cold Gale's hands were, “Jesus, Buck. You're freezing.”
“I'm fine.” Gale mumbled, attempting to pull his hands back.
He didn't let go, though, holding both of Gale's hands between his own, “What happened to your gloves?” He asked. He was sure Gale had had a pair, although in thinking about it now, he hadn't seen them in a while.
Gale swallowed thickly, seemingly doing his best to avoid his gaze, “Traded ‘em.”
“You- Buck..” He sighed. He couldn't say he was surprised, though. Gale had always been too selfless for his own good, he'd probably traded them away for something that would help one of the other guys out; an extra ration, medicine. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if he found out that Buck had just given them away to someone that he thought had needed them more.
Gale still wasn't looking at him, though, and so he just sighed, shaking his head, “Come here.” He murmured, taking Gale's hands to slide them underneath his own sweater, pressing them to the skin of his waist. It wasn't much, but it was better than letting Gale freeze to death.
“John-” Gale started, attempting to pull his hands back from him.
“Relax, I'm just trying to warm you up a little.” He insisted. The whole reason they'd decided to share bunks in the first place was to benefit from the shared body heat. There was no point in Gale being here at all if he wasn't going to try and get some warmth from him.
He curled in slightly closer to Gale, dropping his own arm over the other man's waist to pull him in close. He and Gale had become accustomed to sharing a bunk by now, but it had never been like this. They had always settled for sharing body heat by simply being next to each other; they had never wrapped each other in any sort of embrace, they had never pressed right up against each other like this. If he was being honest, it felt a little too much like cuddling.
He had no issues with wrapping himself around Gale to keep him warm, but Gale obviously did take issue with it, if the way he tried to hold him at arm's length was anything to go by, “I'm fine, John.” He insisted.
He rolled his eyes, “You're shivering.” He pointed out, before reaching across to take his hands again, “And your hands are fucking freezing, so don't try and tell me that you're fine.”
He hated to think of Gale just laying there for the rest of the night, unable to sleep because of how cold he was. He certainly wasn't warm, but he wasn't quite as icy cold as Gale was, and so pulling Gale in tight against him was the least he could do in order to try and warm himself up. He just wasn't sure why Gale seemed to be dead set on insisting that he was fine.
Gale just sighed, turning his head away so that he wouldn't have to look at him, “You don't get it.” He murmured, sighing again, “Just.. stay over there.”
“What's goin’ on?” He asked softly.
He wasn't sure what was going on with Gale, but he really couldn't deny the prickling of hurt that ran through him at the way that Gale was trying so desperately not to be close to him.
It had never been like that between them. Right from the beginning, he and Gale had always been very physical with each other; an arm thrown around Gale's shoulder, sitting close enough that their thighs pressed together, letting himself touch Gale's jaw, his thigh, his waist. He remembered even kissing Gale on the cheek one time; when they'd been in the pub near Thorpe Abbotts and he'd been three sheets to the wind. He'd always been a very tactile person when it came to Gale, and Gale had never seemed to have a problem with it before now.
Maybe it was because of the circumstances, and where they were. Maybe Gale just didn't feel comfortable with him touching him when they were technically in a bed together. It had never crossed his mind that that might be the case, just because Gale had never seemed this uneasy with him before. It made him feel a little bit deflated.
Gale shook his head, although it was impossible to miss the way his cheeks had flushed, “Nothing. I told you, I'm fine.” He insisted.
He sighed, letting himself simply watch Gale. He had no idea what was going on, but he did know that he hated it. He knew that he wouldn't get anywhere if he were to push the issue, though. Trying to force Gale to explain what was going on would probably only have the opposite effect, and the last thing he wanted was for Gale to feel as though he had no choice but to go back to his own bunk.
“Fine.” He said softly. He didn't like it, but he wasn't sure what there was to do other than just leave it. Maybe he could try and get Gale to talk about it tomorrow; it might be easier when they weren't pressed up against each other in his bunk like this, “Just.. come here, at least. I won't touch you.” He promised.
Gale just looked at him for a moment, before dropping his gaze again as he shuffled slightly closer to him. He still wasn't touching him, but at least he wasn't trying to hold him at arm's length anymore. He was relieved, because Gale wanting so desperately to pull away from him like that had stung; as little as he liked to admit that. This still wasn't much, but hopefully Gale wouldn't be quite as cold.
“Get some sleep, Buck.” He whispered.
Gale just nodded, “Yeah, you too.”
He gave Gale a tight smile, before turning over onto his other side to face the wall. He couldn't ignore the fact that it was still bitterly cold, though, and so he simply sighed as he pressed back against Gale in an attempt to seek some warmth from him. He had promised him that he wouldn't touch him, but he'd meant that he'd keep his hands to himself, rather than trying to wrap him in his embrace. This was hardly the same thing.
He had obviously caught Gale off guard by doing so, as their bodies came into contact before Gale had a chance to move back from him. He hadn't thought much of it, because the whole reason they were sharing a bunk in the first place was to keep warm, but as he pressed back against Gale, he froze when he felt something press against his lower back, quickly realizing that Gale was hard and straining against the front of his pants.
“Wait, John, don't-” Gale hissed, putting his hands on the back of his shoulders to push him away.
He almost didn't know what he was supposed to say. As far as he was concerned, it wasn't a big deal. Gale was a man, he obviously had needs. It was nothing to be embarrassed about.
“Buck, it's.. it's okay.” He whispered.
“It's not. It's.. I shouldn't-” Gale cut himself off with a sigh, a short, frustrated noise.
He swallowed thickly as he contemplated how he was supposed to handle this, wetting his lips with his tongue before turning back over to face Gale. It was still dark in the room, but it was impossible to miss how mortified Gale looked; his cheeks flushed, and doing everything he could to avoid his gaze, “Is that why you didn't want me touching you? So I wouldn't feel that?” He asked.
“I'm not some kind of pervert, John.” Gale hissed, finally glancing back up at him, “I don't lay here every night, waiting for you to fall asleep, just so I can..” He trailed off, dropping his gaze again.
He swallowed again, trying with everything he had to not let himself think of Gale quietly jerking himself off next to him while he slept. He didn't think he'd ever get that image out of his head if he let himself think about it, and the last thing they needed here was him popping a hard-on too and making everything worse.
He suddenly understood what Gale's problem had been, though. It wasn't that he was uncomfortable with the idea of him touching him, it was that he hadn't wanted him to come too close and realize what was going on. It was that he hadn't wanted to make him uncomfortable.
That was a notion that he couldn't quite wrap his head around, though, because the idea that Gale could ever make him feel uncomfortable was just ridiculous. Especially not with something like this.
Still, he had to remind himself that he had always kept his feelings for Gale strictly to himself. Gale probably thought that he would take issue with it, and that he'd be horrified upon realizing that he was hard while they were sharing a bunk.
That really couldn't have been further from the truth, though.
“It's nothing to be embarrassed about.” He said softly, shrugging his shoulders, “It just.. it happens sometimes. We've all been there.”
It wasn't as if it was completely heard of. Even he struggled with it sometimes, and he hadn't been completely celibate since leaving the States; not like he knew Gale had been. There'd been plenty of women around when they'd been stationed at Thorpe Abbotts, and so he'd managed to get it out of his system from time to time. He knew that Gale had been nothing but faithful to Marge since they'd left home, though, and so it was no wonder really that he was feeling a little worked up.
Gale just scoffed, shaking his head, “Right.”
“It's not.” He insisted, ducking his head to try and catch Gale's eye, “I don't mind.”
“How could you not mind?” Gale asked, finally looking at him, “It's.. it's wrong, and I-”
“Gale.” He whispered, cutting him off. He didn't want to hear it, he didn't want to hear Gale insist that it was bad, or that it was dirty, or that there was something wrong with him for it; not when that couldn't be further from how he felt about the whole situation. So, heart hammering in his chest, he pressed his leg forward to let his knee gently slide against Gale's crotch, “I said I don't mind.”
He certainly hadn't planned this, but Gale seemed to be on the verge of freaking out and just going back to his own bunk, so that he wouldn't have to deal with this. Like he'd just said, though, he didn't mind. Not in the slightest.
He really had no idea how this was going to go. Gale hadn't pushed him away yet, but that didn't mean that he wasn't about to. For maybe the first time in his life, he found himself completely unable to decipher the expression on Gale's face, and it was slightly terrifying, because he had no idea if he had just ruined this whole thing.
“John..” Gale eventually whispered, his gaze dropping to where his knee was still pressed against him, before looking back up at him.
“Tell me to stop, and I'll stop.” He breathed, letting his leg press forward a little more until he could slide his thigh against Gale's hard cock. It wasn't much, but he knew that even the slight friction would feel good.
Still, he wasn't about to do anything that Gale really didn't want him to do. The last thing he wanted was to end up feeling like he had taken advantage of Gale, or worse; for Gale to feel like he'd taken advantage of him. He didn't think he'd be able to live with himself afterwards, and while Gale hadn't pushed him away just yet, he still looked vaguely terrified, and so he tilted his head slightly to catch Gale's eye, raising his eyebrows at him, “Buck?”
“Don't stop.” Gale eventually whispered, reaching out to lightly touch his waist with shaky fingers.
That was enough for him, and so he let his thigh press a little more firmly against Gale's cock, his own breath catching in his throat as he did. This was literally the last thing that he'd imagined would happen tonight, and he still wasn't totally convinced that he wasn't dreaming.
How long had he wanted Gale like this? How long had he wanted some sort of excuse to touch Gale like this? For all that he'd imagined it, and had dreamt up hundreds of different scenarios in his head, he'd never imagined that it would happen here of all places. Still, he certainly wasn't naive enough to let himself believe that this was happening because Gale actually wanted him. It was convenient, was all. He was just helping Gale out, rather than leaving him to deal with it himself.
Gale exhaled a shaky breath as he tentatively rocked against his thigh, his fingers inching just underneath his sweater to press against the bare skin of his waist again, “I.. John, I-”
“I know, I know.” He whispered, winding his own arm around Gale's waist to pull him slightly closer, “Helping you out, is all.”
It was easy to let the words spill out, to reassure Gale that he was just giving him a helping hand. It wasn't hard to see that Gale hadn't quite let himself relax into this yet, and the last thing he wanted to do was frighten him off.
He didn't have the words to describe how long and how badly he'd wanted this, but he knew that giving that away wasn't a good idea. This wasn't about him or what he wanted; it was just about giving Gale some sort of relief so that he'd be able to sleep. That's all this was.
Gale nodded, seemingly satisfied with his words, although a soft gasp caught in his throat as they moved at the same time; as he pressed his thigh up between Gale's legs again just as Gale rocked down against him.
God, that was.. he couldn't even describe how he felt right now. Gale's cheeks were still flushed, although he couldn't tell if it was still purely from embarrassment, or if it was simply from arousal now. Either way, he looked so goddamn beautiful, and he knew there was no point in even trying to pretend that he wasn't hard by now too. He didn't see the point in trying to hide it, either.
“That feel good?” He asked, lowering his voice to a hushed whisper. They couldn't risk waking any of the other guys, and so he knew that they had to keep quiet. That only added to the thrill, though, to know that they were doing this in a room full of other people, who were oblivious as to what was happening in their bunk.
Gale nodded, sighing softly again, “Yeah, feels..” He trailed off, rocking his hips down against his thigh again.
“Tell me.” He whispered.
“Feels so good.” Gale sighed, pressing his fingers in a little harder where he was still holding onto his waist, “Please, John.. I need-”
“I know what you need, I got you.” He whispered.
He refused to let himself think too hard about it as he pulled Gale closer, sliding his thigh between both of Gale's to slot their hips together properly. Like this, they could grind against each other, and while that might have been pushing it a little far; he found it hard to think about that when it felt this good. He could insist all he wanted that this was simply about helping Gale out, but he didn't feel bad about letting himself have this.
“This alright?” He asked softly, his arm still around Gale's waist as he rolled their hips together.
Gale just nodded, a soft whimper slipping from his throat, “Yeah.. don't stop.”
He almost didn't know where he was supposed to look as he and Gale rocked against each other, their bodies moving together in a slow grind that had that heat and arousal pulling tight in his stomach. Gale was right there, his face barely inches from his own, although it felt almost too intimate to let himself look into Gale's eyes.
He was under no impressions; he knew that this wasn't him and Gale simply sleeping with each other because they'd given into their feelings for each other. It was just.. taking what they both needed from somebody who was willing to give it. Still, even though he knew that, the way he felt about Gale was.. well, he knew just how deeply he felt for Gale, how deeply he'd always felt for him. It would have been so easy to close his eyes and pretend that it was different; that Gale was doing this simply because he wanted him.
Still, he knew that this probably wouldn't ever happen again, and so he didn't want to end up missing a single second of it. To close his eyes meant that it could have been anybody pressed up against him like this, and he didn't want that. He wanted to commit every last detail to memory, rather than simply giving himself over to how good it felt.
He wanted to remember the hot and heavy look in Gale's eyes as they moved together, he wanted to remember every tiny sound that he made. He wanted to be able to remember this for the rest of his life; however long or short that might be.
He slid a hand down the length of Gale's thigh so that he could pull his leg up over his hip, pressing his own thigh a little more firmly between Gale's legs. It felt so goddamn good to be pressed up against each other like this, and he couldn't help the quiet moan that spilled from his throat as they moved against each other.
“Shh.. gotta stay quiet.” Gale whispered, wrapping his leg a little more securely around his hip.
He huffed softly, closing his eyes as he leaned in to press his forehead against Gale's, “Easy for you to say.” He murmured.
“You think?”
He bit back a soft huff of laughter, letting his forehead roll against Gale's as he shifted slightly in an attempt to press in even closer.
With how their hips were pressed tight together, he could feel Gale's hard cock pressed against his own as they moved together, and it took every ounce of his restraint to keep his hands where they were; one on Gale's thigh to keep his leg up around his hip, the other one trapped between the thin mattress and Gale's shoulder.
He couldn't even describe how badly he wanted to touch Gale properly. If they'd been anywhere other than here, he would have slowly stripped Gale out of his clothes to leave them both naked. He would have used his hands, and his mouth, and his own cock to make Gale feel good; in a way that he was sure nobody had made him feel before. He knew that he couldn't, though. He knew that to even touch Gale's cock right now would probably make it feel a little too real for the other man, and he was still afraid of doing anything that might frighten him off. So, this was more than enough.
“God, Buck, that's..” He trailed off, a soft moan catching in his throat again as he let his gaze trail back up to Gale's face.
Gale was already looking at him, his blue eyes dark with arousal and something that looked suspiciously like want. He'd never imagined that he'd get to experience Gale looking at him like that; like they were the only two people in the world, like he was the only thing that mattered to him. He was almost sure that he was interpreting it wrong, though, because the idea of Gale actually wanting him like that was, well.. he knew that that wasn't the case.
He couldn't help but wish that they weren't in almost complete darkness, though, because he wanted to really look at Gale. He needed to be able to remember every single detail of this, down to the way that Gale's gaze flicked down to his lips for a brief moment, before looking back up at him. In saying that, though, if he let himself focus on that detail for too long, then he knew he'd only end up doing something that they couldn't come back from. It was best he didn't dwell on it.
“Please, Bucky.. I need..” Gale whispered, sliding his hands along his waist underneath his sweater, as though he was trying to pull him closer, even though they were already pressed right up against each other.
“I know, baby. I know. I got you.”
He used his weight to roll them over, his hand still cupped around the back of Gale's knee to keep his leg up around his hip as he pressed Gale back against the mattress, before settling on top of him. He braced his other forearm on the pillow next to Gale's head, a soft gasp spilling from his throat as he started to move again.
Jesus Christ, that was.. he didn't think it could feel any better than it already had, but like this, it felt like he and Gale were pressed even impossibly closer together, and he really didn't know how he was supposed to handle that.
He was between Gale's legs now; one of Gale's legs still hitched up around his hips, the other pressed up against the side of his body. It felt even more intense than it had before, though; and pressed up against each other like this, he could feel Gale's hard cock pressed right up against his own as he rolled their hips together. It felt so goddamn good to be able to feel just how turned on Gale was, and while he knew that it wasn't because of him; he was still the one who got to do something about it.
Like this, it was easy to pretend that everything was different. It was easy to pretend that he was actually fucking Gale, despite the fact that they were both still fully clothed.
Gale scraped his fingers down the length of his back as they moved together, his fingers pressing in hard enough to his bare skin that he almost hoped it would leave scratches. He wanted some sort of physical evidence to prove that this had happened, and that it wasn't something that his mind had simply dreamt up while he was asleep.
Still, he knew that there was only so much that he could dream up himself. For as much and as often as he'd imagined this happening, it didn't even begin to compare to the real thing. Like this, Gale was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen; the soft sounds that he was making, the way that he was trembling underneath him as they moved against each other. His own fantasies didn't even come close to the real thing.
“You feel so goddamn good.” He sighed, leaning down close so that he could whisper the words in Gale's ear.
He felt completely enveloped in Gale, and it really was everything that he had ever wanted. His mind was completely blank, filled with nothing but the thoughts of Gale, Gale, Gale. The feeling of Gale's legs around his hips, his fingers on his bare skin, the way that he gasped softly as they rolled their hips together. He didn't think anything had ever felt as good.
With how close they were pressed together, he could smell the rich, heady scent of Gale's sweat, and he couldn't help but press his face in against the hollow of Gale's neck, inhaling deeply. It made him never want to move from here, honestly. It made him want to burrow into the crook of Gale's neck and stay there for the rest of his life.
The only word that he could use to describe how this felt was intense. Gale was the most beautiful thing he'd ever seen, and the way he looked, the way he sounded, even the way he smelled; it made his head swim with lust, and desire, and hunger for the other man.
Gale moaned softly, the quiet sound slipping out despite his obvious best efforts to keep quiet. It was such a turn on to know that he was making Gale feel this good; that it was his touch, and his body pressed against Gale's that had the other man moaning and trembling like this.
“Gotta keep quiet, doll.” He teased, the pet name slipping out as he gently scraped his teeth along the taut tendon of Gale's neck. He knew he couldn't leave marks, and so it took every bit of his restraint not to suck at the warm, salty skin of Gale's neck, to taste him the way he wanted to.
As much as he knew they had to stay quiet, it felt almost intoxicating to know that Gale didn't seem to be capable of it by now. He wasn't worrying too hard about it, though. He just hoped that, if they had woken anybody else, that they assumed it was just one of them jerking off while the other slept. The makeshift curtain was down, and so it wasn't as if anybody could see them. Nobody had to know that they were doing this together.
Gale moaned softly again at the pet name, his back arching up off the bunk to press even closer to him, “Please, John.. that's.. you feel so good.”
“You like that? You like when I call you doll?” He asked, leaning up to whisper the words in Gale's ear again, “What about baby? You'd let me call you my baby?” He barely realized what he was saying, too caught up in the sensation of it all, and how good it all felt.
Waking up this morning, he never could have imagined that he would end up here; moaning softly against Gale's neck as he humped against the other man like a dog in heat. If he'd been in any frame of mind to share his inner monologue right now, Gale would have laughed at that, because it wasn't the first time that he'd been compared to a dog, to Gale's dog.
He always came when Gale called, and did whatever it was that Gale asked of him. Come, heel, sit, stay, bite. Anything Gale asked, he’d do without question, and he knew that he and Gale weren't the only two people who knew that. It was no secret that he was hopelessly devoted to Gale, although he was almost sure that he'd done a good job of keeping quiet about just how devoted he was to him, how deeply he felt for him.
At this point, Gale seemed to be past the point of doing anything other than panting as he rolled his hips up again, their bodies moving together in that rhythm that had flames of pleasure licking up his spine every time that he rocked his own hips down against Gale's body.
“Say it again.” Gale sighed, shivering against him as he pressed his head back into the pillow, still clutching at his back to hold him close.
“Say what?”
“That.. just, fuck.” Gale gasped.
“What, doll?” He asked, letting the tip of his nose trail feather light up the length of Gale's neck.
The only response from Gale was a quiet whine, his hips rolling up to meet his again, and so he grinned as he grazed Gale's neck with his teeth, slowing the rhythm of his hips until they were grinding each other almost painfully slowly.
“Knew you liked it.” He teased, his breath warm against the side of Gale's neck as he pressed slow, open mouthed kisses to his skin, “You are a doll, though, you're my doll. My babydoll.”
Gale moaned softly again at his words, sliding his calf against his ass to keep them pressed close together, to keep them entwined as he rolled his own hips up again, “Just like that.. God, good boy.” He sighed.
Without taking a moment to think about what he was doing, he leaned back up to press his lips to Gale's in a hard kiss, cupping his jaw in his hand.
He knew that actually kissing Gale was crossing a line, that it was turning this into something that it wasn't; something it was never going to be. He couldn't help it, though. It was hard enough to keep a level head with how good this felt, but hearing Gale call him a good boy, hearing how much Gale liked it when he called him babydoll; it made him feel as though his brain was backfiring.
Thankfully, Gale didn't seem to be phased by the kiss. He simply moaned into his mouth as he leaned up into it, letting a hand slide up to cup around the nape of his neck.
That was.. God, if he thought that it was good before, then he didn't have the words now to describe just how good it felt now, with Gale's lips pressed against his own. He'd been dreaming of this for as long as he could remember, and so despite the fact that Gale hadn't even touched his cock, it still felt like the best sex he'd ever had.
Still, he knew that whatever hope he'd had before of telling himself that this didn't mean anything, or that he was just giving Gale a helping hand, there was no point in even trying to pretend now that this wasn't everything he'd ever wanted. He was having sex with Gale, and while he knew deep down that it didn't mean anything to Gale, it was easy to pretend otherwise. It was easy to let himself be selfish, and take what he wanted; purely because he loved Gale, and he wanted this with him.
He couldn't help the soft noise that spilled from his throat as the kiss deepened, his tongue sliding against Gale's in a way that had the heat pulling tight in his stomach. He knew he shouldn't have let it get this far, he knew that they should rein it back a little, but he couldn't find it in himself to want to stop. If this was his one opportunity to have this, then he was going to push it as far as he could.
He let the pace slow down again, grinding his hips against Gale's as he delved his tongue into Gale's mouth. He couldn't ignore how intimate this felt; to be wrapped in each other like this as they moved together, with Gale gently stroking his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. Honestly, he could have stayed here forever, letting himself become familiar with the taste and texture of Gale's mouth as their lips and tongues slowly slid together.
He knew that he didn't have long left in him. It just felt too damn good, and he knew that it was only heightened because of who he was with. He was sure that, after this long, sex with anybody would have felt pretty damn good, but knowing that it was Gale underneath him just made it feel so much better. He could tell that Gale was getting close too; it was obvious in the way that he was trembling and whimpering underneath him, still clutching at his body to pull him closer.
He would have liked to drag this out for as long as possible, but he knew that that wasn't an option. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn't come in his skivvies almost as soon as he and Gale had first pressed against each other.
So, after one last slow, intense kiss, he let his teeth catch Gale's lower lip for a moment, before pulling away from him so that he could lean down and whisper into his ear again, “I'm so close, doll.” He breathed, rolling his hips again, “Can you feel how hard I am for you? God, the things I'd do to you if I had you in a proper bed right now.”
He knew he was veering into dangerous territory here, but he really couldn't have cared less right now. Gale could pretend all he liked that this didn't mean anything, and that it was simply about getting off, but how was he supposed to act as if that was still the case for him? He wasn't sure how he was supposed to pretend that this didn't mean everything to him.
Thankfully, Gale was either too far gone to realize what he'd said, or he was just choosing to ignore it, but he simply moaned softly as he dropped his head back against the pillow, “Me too, I'm‐ God, I'm gonna come.”
“Come on, you can let go.” He whispered, leaning back down to press another open mouthed kiss to the hollow of Gale's neck, “I want you to come for me, baby.”
That was evidently all it took to push Gale over the edge, and he gasped again as he arched his back up off the bed, his fingers digging into his skin where he was still holding onto his back. He looked.. God, he looked so beautiful. His eyes were closed, his cheeks flushed as he gave himself over to the pleasure of his orgasm.
He was right behind him; the sight of Gale as he finished just enough to push him over the edge. He moaned softly against the warm, sweat-slick skin of Gale's neck, clutching at the other man as he finally spilled into his own skivvies. That was.. Jesus Christ, he couldn't remember the last time that anything had felt that good.
They were both silent for a moment after they'd finished, still trembling against each other as they slowly came down from their high.
He could feel Gale's fingers still in his hair, gently scratching at the nape of his neck, and it made him want to just melt into the other man's touch. It made him want to fall asleep like this; still on top of Gale, with Gale's legs still wrapped loosely around his hips, breathing in the deep, heady scent that couldn't be anything other than Gale.
He knew that they couldn't, though. It wasn't unusual for the guards to drag them out of their bunks in the middle of the night in order to do a headcount and search the bunkrooms, and he didn't even want to think about what the consequences might be if they were caught like this. He knew they had to just consider themselves lucky that they hadn't already been caught out tonight.
He eventually made himself pull away from Gale, laying just next to him again. Their legs were still entwined further down the bed, though, and he was almost sure that Gale would be able to feel his breath against his cheek, with how close they were laying.
His mind was still feeling a little fuzzy from the intensity of his orgasm, and he could see that Gale was obviously feeling the same way, and so he let himself simply look for a moment; let himself really look at Gale, in a way that he'd never let himself do before.
Gale looked like a fucking dream, honestly. His hair was in disarray, and that flush was still high on his cheeks. His chest was still heaving slightly as he attempted to catch his breath, and he still couldn't quite wrap his head around the fact that it was because of him; that it was his touch and his body that had Gale looking so thoroughly worn-out.
“Should probably clean up a little.” He eventually whispered, just because he didn't know what else he was supposed to say. Gale wasn't freaking out yet, but that didn't mean that it wasn't about to happen. He knew how Gale's mind worked, and that didn't bode too well for him right now.
Gale turned his head to look at him, blinking lazily at him, “Yeah.” He said softly, before seeming to realize what he'd said, “Uh.. how-”
“Here.” He murmured, sitting up as well as he could in the confined space of the bunk. They weren't allowed to leave the combine during lights out, and so going down to the shower facilities to wash up was out of the question. They'd have to just make do with what they had.
So, he grabbed one of his spare shirts from the end of the bunk, handing it over to Gale so that he could give himself a quick, perfunctory clean up. It wasn't much, and it certainly wouldn't do a good enough job, but the alternative was to just do nothing until the morning, and he knew that having to go to sleep while feeling even more unclean than he had before would be just asking for Gale to freak out about what they'd done.
Gale didn't say anything as he took the shirt, and so he simply turned over onto his back, doing his best to give Gale some sort of privacy as he cleaned himself up.
He could feel his heart hammering in his chest as he stared up at the bottom of the bunk above him, although he wasn't quite sure what to make of it.
He had finally gotten everything that he had ever wanted, but it had left him not really knowing where he and Gale stood. What if Gale came to his senses while he was sleeping, and he woke up to find himself alone in the bunk, with Gale doing his best to avoid him?
He had finally gotten everything he'd ever wanted, but what if it came at the cost of his and Gale's friendship? The worst possible outcome of this was that he'd end up losing Gale over it, and he had a horrible feeling that that might not be such an unlikely scenario.
He just didn't know what he was supposed to say in order to make sure that everything was still okay, which he could admit was a first for him. He was usually an expert on filling silences with empty words, and talking simply for the sake of talking, but this was different. It felt fragile, as though he was going to ruin everything if he said anything at all.
He was dragged back to the present moment by Gale gently nudging his elbow with his own, and he glanced over to find Gale holding the shirt out to him, “Thanks.” He murmured.
He took the shirt, refusing to let himself think about Gale's presence next to him as he unbuttoned his pants so that he could shove the shirt down into his skivvies, cleaning himself up as well as he could. It really wasn't enough, and he knew that he'd probably still wake up tomorrow morning feeling sticky and uncomfortable, but that was a problem to deal with in the morning.
If nothing else, cleaning himself up like this was an excuse to not have to look at Gale for a little longer, just because he was almost afraid of what he'd find when he did.
Once he'd done as good a job as he was going to do, he tossed the shirt down the end of the bunk to be dealt with tomorrow, before swallowing thickly as he finally turned back onto his side to face Gale, “You good?” He asked softly.
Gale just nodded, although there was something in his eyes that he didn't like, something that looked a little guarded, “Yeah.” He whispered.
“Yeah.” He echoed, fighting to keep his gaze from dropping to Gale's lips as the other man chewed nervously at the lower one.
He couldn't help but think of how those lips had felt pressed against his own, and he couldn't help but want to do it again. He knew that was out of the question, though, and so he simply shuffled a little closer on the pillow. He knew that he was pushing his luck, but he ducked down slightly to lightly flick the tip of his nose against Gale's shoulder, “Should try and get some sleep, Santa won't come if you're up all night.” He whispered, attempting to lighten the mood.
Gale nodded again, although he thankfully gave him a small smile as he tucked himself in slightly closer to his side, before turning over onto his own side, facing away from him.
He still wasn't quite sure what to make of the situation between himself and Gale right now. The other man didn’t seem to be particularly perturbed by what they'd done, but that didn't really mean anything. He knew that Gale was good at hiding his feelings and covering up how he really felt, and so he knew that there was no guarantee that Gale wasn't freaking out on the inside.
Still, at least Gale hadn't insisted that he should go back to his own bunk. They might have been sitting on slightly rocky territory, but Gale was still here. He wasn't facing him, but he was still pressed against his side, and so he'd take that as a good sign.
He turned over onto his own side, curling up close behind Gale. He didn't chance wrapping Gale in his arms, the way he really wanted to, but he was close enough to him that he could feel Gale's hair tickling his nose, and his knees were pressed to the back of Gale's knees, their bodies curled close together. They weren't quite spooning, but it was something. It was nice.
He knew that they'd probably have to face what they'd done tomorrow, but he didn't want to think about that right now. The only thing that mattered to him right now was the fact that Gale was still here, and that he was happy to curl up with his back pressed against his front.
So, he did his best to push any thoughts of tomorrow from his mind as he pressed his face in against Gale's hair, willing sleep to come to him.
The next morning, he couldn't say he was all too surprised when he woke up to find himself alone in the bunk.
It took him a moment to recall the events from the night before, but once he did, his stomach turned uncomfortably when he turned back over to find that Gale was nowhere to be seen.
Checking his watch, he found that it was still early enough, but not so early that they weren't allowed to leave the combine yet, and so he tried his best not to panic about the fact that Gale had already gotten up. He had probably just gone down to the shower facilities to clean himself up a little better, he wasn't necessarily panicking over what they had done and deliberately made himself scarce.
He hoped so anyway, because he couldn't stand the thought of Gale doing his best to avoid him.
He and Gale had left things on relatively good terms last night, though. They hadn't exactly spoken about what they'd done, but Gale had still pressed back against his body in order to seek warmth from him during the night, and he hadn't pulled away when he had curled in close to press his face in against the back of his neck.
He just hoped that, in the time since Gale had woken up and had left the bunk, that he hadn't done too much thinking about what they'd done, and that he hadn't managed to convince himself that it was wrong, and bad, and dirty. It wasn't, and so he just hoped that Gale hadn't told himself that it was.
Honestly, as far as he was concerned, last night had been everything that he'd ever dreamt of. Sure, like he'd said, he and Gale had still been fully clothed, and the most they had done was grind against each other, but he just.. that didn't matter to him. Getting to be with Gale at all made it all worth it, and he knew that he'd never regret a single thing that they'd done last night.
“Hey, Bucky.”
He looked over at the sound of his name, finding Brady half sat up in his own bunk, and the younger man waved over in his direction, “Hey.” He said softly, scratching a hand through his hair as he pushed himself up onto an elbow.
“Merry Christmas.” Brady said, tossing a folded piece of paper over in his direction.
He picked up the paper from where it had landed next to him on the bunk, opening it up to find that it was an attempt at a handmade Christmas card. It wasn't much; a piece of paper folded over with a Christmas tree drawn in pencil on the front, and a short To Bucky. Merry Christmas, from Johnny written on the inside, but it was nice that Brady had thought to do it, especially when there wasn't going to be much celebrating this year.
“Thanks, Johnny. Merry Christmas.” He said with a small smile. Brady had always been a good friend to him, and even though he'd never said as much; he'd forever be grateful for the fact that he'd made him jump first when their fort was going down. Otherwise, he couldn't say for sure that he would have jumped at all. Still, he didn't like to think about it.
“Hey, you seen Buck this morning?” He asked.
There weren't many places that they could go, but he figured he'd ask anyway. He just hoped that, wherever Gale had gone, that it was somewhere they might be able to talk. Maybe bringing it up was a bad idea, but he wanted to at least clear the air, and make sure that Gale wasn't completely freaking out on him.
Brady glanced back over at him, before shrugging his shoulders, “He got up a little while ago, think he went down to the showers.”
“Alright.” He said with a nod, “If he comes back while I'm gone, tell him I was looking for him?”
Brady nodded, “Yeah, will do.”
He clambered down off his bunk then as Brady went back to his own devices, although he tried his best not to grimace at the dried mess in his skivvies. He knew that only just cleaning themselves up with his shirt last night hadn't been the best idea, but it wasn't as if they'd had much of a choice. It was either that, or go to sleep without cleaning themselves up at all.
Speaking of which, the shirt that they'd used was nowhere to be seen, even though he'd left it down the end of the bunk. He guessed that Gale had probably taken it with him when he'd gone to the shower, in order to give it a wash.
He quickly got his things together, grabbing his last somewhat clean shirt, as well as a change of skivvies. His pants would last another couple of days before really needing to be washed, and so he'd just make do. As well as the change of clothes, he grabbed his gloves, and the chocolate bar that he'd been keeping for Gale. He had a feeling that he knew where Gale might be, and so he'd head straight there after he'd cleaned up.
As he made his way from the combine to the washroom, though, he couldn't say that he was particularly looking forward to having to clean up. He knew that he probably wouldn't feel overly clean unless he managed a proper shower, and while there were showers here; the water was always icy cold, and it dribbled out of the faucet. Still, it was better than nothing.
It seemed Gale had already finished up and left before he'd gotten there, and he actually found himself pretty relieved for that. He knew that he and Gale had to talk at some point today, but he didn't want it to be while they were both naked and attempting to clean themselves of the mess they'd made last night. They could talk after.
He quickly stripped off, before stepping under the shower. Like he'd known it would be, the water was freezing cold, and so he didn't bother wasting time, just rinsed himself down as well as he could.
He didn't regret giving Gale the last of his soap the other day, but he could admit that it made for a less than pleasant experience now. If he never had to clean dried come off of himself with nothing more than cold water, then he was more than fine with that.
He quickly dried off and dressed again once he'd cleaned himself up as well as he was going to, although he found himself wishing not for the first time that their winter clothes were a little heavier. His sweater was a little better than just a shirt, but it still wasn't a whole lot to keep warm.
Once he'd finished dressing, he figured that he'd head straight for the library. He had a feeling that Gale might be there, and he hoped that he was right. This early, he knew that the library would be pretty abandoned, and so he hoped that he might get lucky, and find Gale there by himself.
Still, as he walked there, he couldn't ignore the nerves twisting in his stomach. What if Gale didn't want to talk to him? He knew that it was a pretty likely possibility, but it was one that he didn't want to consider. They'd be fine, they had to be. He and Gale had gotten through worse than this, and so all he could do was try and tell himself that they'd be fine.
Letting himself into the library, he breathed a sigh of relief when he found Gale sat at the small table in the middle of the room, his cheek propped in his hand as he read whatever book he'd settled on. He was relieved to find that he was alone, too.
Gale hadn't noticed him yet, too caught up in his book, and he couldn't help the faint smile that pulled at his lips as he watched him. Gale's hair was still slightly damp from his own shower, and his cheeks and nose were flushed slightly pink with the cold. He looked beautiful, though, and he tried his best not to get too distracted by the thoughts of how Gale's lips had felt pressed against his own last night, or the way he had scraped his fingers down his back, or the soft sounds that he'd made as he came. He couldn't let himself think about any of that right now.
So, he simply knocked at the door frame, giving Gale a small smile when he looked up at the sound, “Hey.”
Gale smiled back, although it looked a little bit tight, a little bit nervous, “Hey, you survived.”
“Survived what?” He asked.
“Brady.” Gale said with a shrug, “He said earlier that he was gonna smother you with your pillow if you didn't quit snoring.”
He couldn't help but laugh, stepping a little further into the room, “And here I thought he was being nice, giving me a Christmas card.”
Gale nodded, “Yeah, I got one too. Think he was up all morning making ‘em.”
He just smiled, letting himself lean against the edge of the table. He wasn't really sure what he was supposed to think here. Gale didn't seem too uneasy, but he knew that he was good at masking how he felt. He'd just never expected to be on the receiving end of that. Still, maybe everything was okay, maybe Gale wasn't actually freaking out.
So, he held out the pair of gloves, as well as the chocolate bar that he'd brought with him, “Merry Christmas, Buck.” He said softly, “Didn't have a bow or anything, so.. sorry they're not wrapped.”
Gale just looked at the gift for a moment, before looking back up at him, “What's this?” He asked.
“Your Christmas present.” He said, biting his lip gently, “I know it's not much, but I.. wanted to give you something, y’know? Since it's your birthday in two days too, and all that.”
Gale didn't say anything for a moment, although he eventually shook his head, a frown crossing his face, “I can't take these, John. They're your gloves.” He said softly.
“Yeah, but you need ‘em more than me. Did you forget how cold your hands were last night?” He asked, raising his eyebrows.
He had only planned on giving Gale the chocolate bar, but after feeling how cold Gale's hands had been last night, and especially after finding out that he had traded his own gloves away, he figured that this was the least he could do for him.
Gale looked back down at his book, his cheeks flushing slightly at the mention of last night. He shook his head again after a moment, though, glancing back up at him, “I can't, John.”
“What, ‘cause of last night?” He asked.
He hadn't planned on just diving straight into it, but he couldn't let Gale use that as an excuse to not take the gifts. They could sweep it under the rug and pretend that it hadn't happened if that was what Gale really wanted, but he refused to let it change anything between them. Before, he knew that, aside from a perfunctory complaint about how he didn't have to do this, Gale would have just taken the gifts. He would have thanked him for the gloves, and he would have shared the chocolate bar with him, and that would be that.
Gale's cheeks flushed again, his jaw working as he tried to figure out what to say, “Last night was.. it was a mistake. It didn't mean anything, and it should never have happened.”
He sighed, his stomach dropping at the conviction with which Gale claimed that last night had been a mistake, and that it hadn't meant anything.
Sure, he'd known that it wasn't a good idea, and he had tried telling himself all along that it didn't actually mean a thing, but how was he supposed to pretend that that was the case? Last night had felt like probably the most important sex he'd ever had in his life, and so he couldn't stand here and pretend that it hadn't meant anything to him.
“That's really what you think? That it just.. didn't mean a thing?” He asked.
“It didn't.” Gale insisted, looking up at him. His cheeks were still flushed with embarrassment, but he had the steely set to his jaw that he didn't like; the one that said that he wasn't going to budge.
He scoffed, shaking his head, “How can you say that?” He asked, “How can you sit there and act as if it didn't mean anything?”
“John-”
“No, I-” He cut himself off, sighing again. He didn't even know what he was supposed to say, how he was supposed to tell Gale that it had meant something to him, “Is it because of Marge?” He asked, “Is that it? You feel guilty?”
He hated to bring her up right now, but he just needed to know. Sure, he'd been expecting Gale to freak out this morning, but he had seemed so into it last night, and so he wasn't sure how he could sit here and claim that it hadn't meant anything. The only thing he could think of was that Gale was feeling guilty over being unfaithful to Marge, and he was trying to lessen that.
“It's not because of Marge.” Gale said, “It's..”
“Then what? ‘Cause you can say it was a mistake all you want, but don't tell me that it didn't mean anything, because it-”
“Because you shouldn't have had to.. do that.” Gale snapped, before shaking his head again as he slumped back into his seat, “I took advantage of you. I should've.. I should have just gone back to my own bunk, so you wouldn't have felt as though you had to do that.”
For a moment, he simply looked at Gale, because he almost couldn't believe what he was hearing. Did Gale really think that he'd taken advantage of him, and that last night hadn't been everything that he'd ever wanted? It was such a ridiculous idea that he almost couldn't take it seriously, but Gale's features were still twisted into an unhappy frown, and it seemed that he could barely even make himself look at him.
“You're serious? That's what you actually think?” He asked, before a huff of laughter bubbled out of his throat, “Buck, I- I didn't do anything last night that I didn't want to do, that I haven't wanted to do for.. I can't even remember how long.”
He hadn't planned on admitting that to Gale any time soon, but he couldn't leave it like this. He couldn't just walk out of here and leave Gale thinking that he'd taken advantage of him last night. If anything, he had worried about it being the other way around, and so he couldn't just stand here and say nothing.
Gale looked up at him, a frown crossing his face, “You.. what?” He asked.
“It meant something to me.” He said softly, trying to ignore the nerves twisting in his stomach again, “Ever since I met you, I've..” He trailed off, huffing softly, “I don't know, Buck. I wanted it, I've always wanted it.”
“Come on, John.” Gale sighed, and it looked as if he didn't know what he wanted to do with himself; whether he wanted to continue this conversation, or whether he wanted to be literally anywhere other than here.
“Why'd you think I kissed you, huh? Why'd you think I did any of that if it wasn't what I wanted?”
“That's just this place talking, John.” Gale said softly, “It's been a long time, for both of us, and we got caught up doing something we shouldn't have done, and y-”
“I love you.”
He felt as if he could have been sick once the words were out, but he couldn't do this. He couldn't stand here and let Gale try and talk him out of something that he knew he wanted. If Gale didn't feel the same way, then that was something he'd just have to deal with, but he needed to give him the whole story.
Gale just looked at him, and it was impossible to even try and decipher the expression on his face.
“I've been in love with you since we were in flight school.” He admitted, a huff of laughter spilling from him, even as he swallowed around the lump in his throat, “So don't try and tell me that it didn't mean anything, ‘cause I know how I feel, and I know what I want. Maybe it didn't mean anything to you, but I-”
He was cut off when Gale stood up from his seat and crossed the distance between them to pull him into a hard kiss, the force of it enough to have him staggering back a couple of steps, his back colliding with the bookshelf behind him.
For a moment, he simply froze, caught off guard by what was happening. It didn't take him long to catch up, though, and he dropped his hands to Gale's hips to pull him closer as he kissed him back.
This was.. he couldn't quite believe that this was actually happening. He'd been so afraid of what the outcome of this conversation would be; he'd been so afraid of Gale feeling like he couldn't be around him anymore, of Gale being disgusted by what they'd done last night. For some reason, this outcome hadn't been on his radar, and he barely had the words to describe how grateful he was.
He lifted one hand to fit it around the curve of Gale's jaw as they kissed, before stepping away from the bookshelf so that he could turn them around, pressing Gale back against the shelf.
Like this, he had a slight height advantage on the other man, and it felt so good to crowd up against Gale like this, to feel the way that he had to raise up slightly onto his toes in order to reach him. They were very nearly the same height, though, and that was something he wasn't used to.
Gale's lips were soft but slightly chapped against his own as their mouths moved together, and he couldn't help the soft noise that spilled from his throat as he parted his lips to Gale's tongue, meeting it with his own.
Last night, he'd been too caught up in the pleasure of what they were doing to really take in just how good it was to kiss Gale like this. Now, all he wanted was to sink into it. He could feel Gale's fingers shaking where he was still holding onto the front of his sweater, but he understood that this was all just a little bit overwhelming. He felt it too, and so he didn't see a reason to stop.
Dropping both of his hands back down, he slid them underneath the end of Gale's sweater, pressing his fingers to the bare skin of Gale's waist. He hadn't really gotten a chance to touch him last night, and now, he never wanted to stop. He wanted to press his thigh between both of Gale's again and see what other noises he could get him to make that he hadn't heard last night. He wanted to sink to his knees between Gale's legs and taste him. He wanted everything.
As if he could read his mind, Gale pulled back from the kiss, exhaling a shaky breath as he leaned his forehead against his, “Wait, John, I.. we can't do this here.” He whispered.
He pulled back just far enough to look at Gale, biting his lip gently, “We can't do it here, or we can't do it at all?” He asked. He didn't want to consider the possibility that Gale was already backtracking here, but he knew that it wasn't impossible. Maybe Gale had been just as caught off by that kiss as he'd been.
Gale just looked up at him, before lifting a hand to gently brush his fingers against his cheek, “We can't do it here.” He said softly, “Anyone could walk by and see, and I..”
“I know.” He murmured, leaning into Gale's touch.
He got it, he knew that they were fucked if anyone walked by and saw them all over each other. The best case scenario was that it was one of their guys, but if it was anybody else? If it was one of the guards? He didn't even want to think of what the consequences might be.
Still, it almost felt like there was a weight lifted off his chest at the fact that Gale had said that they just couldn't do it here, and not that they couldn't do it at all. It gave him a bit of hope that maybe it would all be okay.
So, he glanced back to make sure that there was nobody out in the corridor, before taking the front of Gale's sweater and walking him back to the other corner of the room, so that they were next to the doorway, rather than in front of it. At least here, nobody would see them if they were simply walking by.
He cupped Gale's face in between his hands, leaning in to press their lips together again. This kiss was softer, sweeter, and it wasn't much more than the simple press of Gale's mouth against his own. It was the kind of kiss that he had always imagined sharing with Gale.
He pulled back after a moment, lightly flicking his nose against Gale's, “It meant something to me.” He whispered, letting his thumb gently trace the silvery scar on Gale's cheek, “It's always meant something to me.”
“I didn't know.” Gale said softly, his hands on his hips to hold him close, “I thought.. I don't know, I thought I'd cornered you into it last night. I didn't know how I was supposed to face you this morning.” He admitted.
He smiled, closing his eyes as he leaned in to press his forehead against Gale's again, “I mean this with all the love in the world, but that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.” He teased.
Gale just huffed softly in response, sliding his arms around his waist again.
For a moment, they simply stood in silence, their eyes closed, their foreheads pressed together. He could feel Gale's hands pressed just underneath the end of his sweater, his fingers touching the bare skin of his waist. Honestly, he could have stayed here for the rest of his life, with he and Gale breathing the same air, and touching each other with gentle fingers.
“I love you too, by the way.” Gale murmured after a moment, “Just in case that wasn't clear.”
“You do?”
“Yeah, of course I do.” Gale said with a tiny smile.
He smiled back, although it dropped slightly after a moment, “What about Marge?” He asked.
It was no secret that Gale was planning on marrying her once they got home from the war, and he didn't think he'd ever forgive himself if he got in the way of that. Marge had always been a good friend to him, and so even though he'd never loved anybody the way he loved Gale, he didn't want to end up hurting her in the process.
In saying that, though, he didn't know how he was supposed to just let this go, now that he'd had a taste of what it was like to be with Gale. This was everything he'd ever wanted, and so he wasn't sure how he could just pretend that none of this had ever happened.
Gale frowned, although he didn't pull away from him, his fingers still lightly tracing patterns against the bare skin of his waist, “I don't know.” He said softly, “She's.. I'm going to marry her, John. I can't just leave her.”
“I know, I wouldn't want you to.” He admitted. He couldn't live with that on his conscience, and so he was relieved that Gale hadn't promised him that he'd leave Marge for him. He just wasn't sure where that left them.
Thankfully, though, Gale smiled again, even though it still looked a little bit unsure, “We'll figure it out, alright? We'll figure something out.”
“Yeah?”
“I'm tired of pretending I don't feel anything for you.” Gale admitted softly, “I don't want to give this up.”
He just smiled, closing his eyes as he leaned in to press his forehead against Gale's again. That was enough for him, to know that Gale felt the same way for him, and that he was willing to try.
He cupped Gale's chin in his hand, giving him one last soft kiss before pulling back just far enough to look at him again, “So will you please just take the gifts now?” He asked, a faint smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.
Gale huffed softly, rolling his eyes, “I'll take the chocolate.” He conceded, “And I want you to share it with me.”
“And the gloves?”
“They're your gloves, John. You'll need ‘em just as much as I would.” Gale said softly.
“I won't need them. I've got you to keep me warm.” He teased.
Gale rolled his eyes again, although it was impossible to miss the faint flush that coloured his cheeks, “Fine, but I'm making you take them back if you get cold.”
“I can live with that.” He huffed.
He knew that it would be weeks before the weather started to turn warm again, and that there probably would be the odd night here and there where he wished that he still had his gloves, but he meant what he'd said.
Gale could keep him warm on the particularly cold nights, and he was glad that they could use that as an excuse for when he simply wanted to be close to him. He knew that, on the freezing cold nights, that nobody would think twice about it if they found he and Gale curled up together.
He was glad that he wouldn't have to hide it from Gale either. Sure, he had never shied away from tucking himself in against his side when it was cold, but he'd always been afraid of crossing a line, of doing something that Gale wouldn't be comfortable with. Now, he was glad that it didn't have to be like that, that he could be open with Gale when it came to his feelings for him.
“What's wrong?” He asked, upon noticing the slightly downturned tilt to Gale's expression.
Gale just shrugged, before glancing back up at him, “I didn't get you a gift.”
It hadn't crossed his mind to even expect anything in return, mainly because the gifts he'd gotten Gale weren't anything to write home about. He'd just never considered the idea of not getting Gale anything, and especially because, as well as Christmas, it was his birthday in two days.
So, he just smiled, reaching up to brush a strand of stringy hair out of Gale's face, “Kiss me.”
“What?”
“Kiss me.” He said again.
Gale did what he was told, leaning up to press their lips together in a soft kiss. It wasn't anything more than that, just the gentle press of Gale's lips against his own, although he could feel the smile pulling at Gale's lips.
“There.” He said once he'd pulled back, lightly flicking the tip of his nose against Gale's, “That's my gift.”
Gale huffed, rolling his eyes. He was smiling, though, and that was all he could have asked for, “You're sweet.”
He smiled, pulling Gale in again as he wrapped his arms around his shoulders in a hug, Gale's arms coming up to wrap around his waist again in return, “Merry Christmas, Buck.” He whispered, leaning his chin on Gale's shoulder.
He could have stayed here forever; reveling in the weight of Gale's arms around him, the warmth of his body pressed close against his own, the feeling of his breath against his cheek as Gale turned his face in towards the embrace. He and Gale had hugged a thousand times before, but this was different. It was more, and he found himself never wanting to let this go.
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” Gale whispered, gently nudging his nose against his cheek.
He had no idea how much longer they'd be here for, but he was pretty sure that getting to have this with Gale would make it a little bit more bearable. It would give him something to fight for, something to actually make it through this for. He could. If it was for Gale, then he knew he could.
It wasn't much, but he could work with it.
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[27] ABOUT THE BOY - the plan
synopsis: You were the queen of Decelis University. Everybody worshipped the ground you walked on. You were used to having what you wanted when you wanted it. Until the day when park sunghoon arrived, and things changed. wc: 5k tw: use of nicknames, mention of toxic relationships and hurt, kissing, making out, sunghoon is so sweet and so fluffy
a/n: im so sad it's the end already 😭😭 abt the boy is my baby im so sad it's over. anyways, i really hope you like the ending and that it answers any question u might have (if it doesn't im really sorry and don't hesitate to dm me or ask in my inbox!!) thank you for all the support this had, I never thought it would be so successful but im so so grateful 🤍🤍
Sunghoon met Jay outside of Yizhuo’s house. It was one of the biggest mansions he’d seen, outside of yours, of course. Jay was waiting for him, his hands jamming in his pockets and he gave his friend a big grin as soon as he got out of his car. Bur something felt…off.
‘’Okay, you seem really…happy. That’s suspicious,’’ Sunghoon said, raising an eyebrow.
Jay’s grin faltered for a second. ‘’Suspicious? Me? I’m just pumped for a chill night with my favorite bro.” He threw an arm around Sunghoon’s shoulders and guided him toward the entrance. “Come on, man. Don’t overthink it.”
As they entered, Yizhuo greeted them with her signature smile. “Welcome, guys!” she sang, waving them in with a flourish. Her house, with its high ceilings, gleaming floors, and a ridiculous number of chandeliers, was practically a palace.
Sunghoon glanced around. “Where’s everyone else? I thought this was supposed to be a party or something?”
Yizhuo shrugged, looking entirely too nonchalant. “Oh, they’re just… on their way. But don’t worry about them,” she said, giving Heeseung a quick, sly glance.
Sunghoon frowned but decided to roll with it. Yizhuo could be a bit eccentric sometimes, so he wasn’t going to read too much into it.
“Actually,” Yizhuo continued, “while we’re waiting, I’ve got the perfect room for you to, uh, relax in.” She motioned toward the guest room down the hall. “It’s super cozy.”
“Um… okay?” Sunghoon followed her lead, though he couldn’t help but feel like something was slightly off. Yizhuo opened the door to the guest room, a beautifully decorated space with large windows, plush seating, and soft lighting.
“Here you go!” she said cheerfully, giving him a little push inside. “Why don’t you settle in and get comfortable?”
Before he could say anything, the door clicked shut behind him. Sunghoon turned, hearing the unmistakable sound of a lock.
“Park Jongseong!” he called, pressing his hand against the door. “Did you just lock me in here?”
Jay’s muffled voice came through the door, trying and failing to sound casual. “Oh, uh… must’ve been a… draft! Or something. Don’t worry about it, bro. Just chill.”
Sunghoon’s eyes narrowed. “Seriously?”
On the other side of the door, Jay turned to Yizhuo, unable to contain his satisfaction. “He’s in,” he whispered with a grin, giving her a high-five. “Now we just wait for yn. She’s never on time, is she?”
Yizhuo smirked, leaning against the wall next to him. “Fashionably late, as always. But hey, once she gets here… things are about to get interesting.”
Back inside the guest room, Sunghoon sighed, finally letting himself sink into the absurdly plush armchair.
“Guess I’ll ‘chill,’’’he muttered, rolling his eyes.
About twenty minutes later, you arrived at Yizhuo’s house as usual, not even bothering to knock. After all, it was like your own home at this point. You barely had time to shake off the cool evening air when Yizhuo and Jay appeared around the corner, grinning in a way that could only described as suspiciously eager.
“Finally, you’re here!” Yizhuo said, practically bouncing on her heels.
“You’re late as usual,” Heeseung added, smirking.
You raised an eyebrow, glancing between the two of them. “Okay, you guys are being way too cheerful. What’s going on?”
“Oh, nothing,” Yizhuo said airily, waving her hand. “But hey, since you’re here, could you check something for me in the guest room? There’s… um, an issue with the—uh, the light fixture.”
You narrowed your eyes, suspicious but deciding to humor your friend. “The light fixture? Really?”
“Yeah, yeah,” Yizhuo nodded, clearly trying to hold back a grin. “You know, just… making sure everything’s perfect for tonight.”
“Right,” You said slowly, casting Jay a dubious look. But Yizhuo was your best friend, so with an exaggerated eye-roll, you headed down the hall toward the guest room. “If this is some lame prank…”
“Oh, would I do that to you?” Yizhuo replied innocently, exchanging a quick glance with Jay.
You pushed open the door to the guest room, stepping inside cautiously. But as soon as you were fully inside, you heard footsteps behind you. You whirled around just as Yizhuo and Heeseung reached the doorway.
“Surprise!” Yizhuo said with a wink, and before you could react, they gave you a gentle push, closing the door swiftly behind you with a loud click.
You pressed her forehead against the door, muttering a string of curses. Then you turned around, your irritation quickly transforming into shock as you realized you weren’t alone. Sunghoon was sitting in an armchair near the window, looking just as surprised as you were.
“Sunghoon?” you said, narrowing your eyes.
‘’Great,’’ he sighed.
Your expression turned icy, and you crossed your arms, leaning back against the wall, as far from Sunghoon as you could manage in the small guest room. Sunghoon, still processing the abrupt situation, glanced at you with a mixture of frustration and hope, though he could already tell from your stance that this wasn’t going to be easy.
“Look,” he began, trying to sound calm, “I know you’re not thrilled to be here, but can we please just talk?”
“Don’t come any closer,” you cut him off, your voice sharp as you shifted slightly away from him, making it clear you wanted nothing to do with proximity right now.
Sunghoon stopped mid-step, sighing deeply. “Are you really going to stand there and act like nothing bothers you? That’s not you.”
“Actually,” you replied coolly, “this is perfectly fine. Just don’t make it difficult, alright?”
Sunghoon clenched his jaw, frustration seeping into his tone. “Right. Of course, nothing’s ever a big deal to you.”
You shrugged, your gaze drifting to the wall, as though the room’s decor was far more interesting. After a pause, you added with forced nonchalance, “I just hope you’re happy with Chaeyoung. She’s the one you wanted, right?”
He blinked, caught completely off guard. “Wait… what?”
You let out a small, bitter laugh, still not looking at him. “Don’t act like you don’t know what I’m talking about. I know you two are back together. It’s not like it matters,” you continued, your voice carrying an edge. “You don’t owe me anything. We were never official or exclusive, remember?”
Sunghoon let out a short, humorless laugh, shaking his head in disbelief. “Is that what you think? That I’m back with Chaeyoung?”
“I saw the picture, Sunghoon,” you replied, your voice cold. “Don’t make me look like an idiot.”
Realization dawned on Sunghoon, and he couldn’t help but chuckle softly, finally understanding the root of your attitude. Was that why you shut him off completely? “That’s why you’ve been avoiding me? Because you thought I was back with Chaeyoung?”
Your jaw tightened, a flicker of annoyance in your eyes. “Don’t laugh, Sunghoon. It’s not funny.”
“It kind of is, actually,” he replied, unable to stop the small grin forming on his face. “Yn, I’m not back with her. I was meeting up with her to tell her that I’ve moved on. That I don’t want her back.”
The icy wall around you seemed to crack just a little, though you tried to keep your face indifferent. “Moved on?” she echoed, almost reluctantly.
“Yes,” he said, his voice softer now as he stepped just a little closer, though still keeping his distance out of respect. “Moved on. I thought you knew.”
“Well, how would I know that, Sunghoon?” you shot back, a hint of anger mixing with something much more vulnerable. “You didn’t exactly… clarify anything.”
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I wanted to, but you’ve been avoiding me, Yn. Cold texts, ignoring me on campus, and then when I finally get a chance, you’re always ‘busy.’”
You looked away, biting your lip, unwilling to admit how much it had all hurt. “I was just… trying to keep things simple. We weren’t anything serious.”
“Don’t do that,” he said, his voice firm but pleading. “Don’t push me away just because things got complicated. You can’t keep acting like none of this matters to you.”
“And why not?” you challenged, finally meeting his gaze, though your voice wavered slightly. “Maybe it’s easier that way.”
“Because it’s not the truth,” he replied, stepping closer again, his voice softening. “Yn, I know you better than you think. This isn’t you.”
You shook your head, frustration and vulnerability mingling on your face. “You don’t know me as well as you think you do, Sunghoon.”
“Then tell me,” he begged, his voice barely a whisper. “Tell me what you’re feeling. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Just… talk to me.”
You were silent for a long moment, struggling to keep your walls intact, but under his gaze, you felt them start to crumble. Finally, you let out a shaky breath, unable to meet his eyes.
“I… I’m scared, Sunghoon,” you admitted, your voice barely audible. “I don’t want to go through that again.”
He felt a pang of confusion mixed with concern when the words left your mouth. He knew you had a past relationship, but you’d never really opened up about it, and the raw fear in your voice now was unlike anything he’d seen from you before.
“What do you mean, ‘again’?” he asked softly, watching your face for any hint of vulnerability. “Yn, what happened to you?”
Your expression immediately shifted, your guard snapping back into place. You crossed her arms, your posture growing defensive. “It doesn’t matter,” you replied, your tone colder. “Can we just drop it?”
Sunghoon took a deep breath, frustration simmering but tempered by his care for you. “Yn, I don’t want to push you, but you keep shutting me out. How am I supposed to understand if you don’t let me in?”
You turned your back on him, staring at the door as if you could will it to open. “Sunghoon, just leave it alone. It’s not important.”
“Not important?” he echoed, his voice a mix of disbelief and desperation. He moved closer, his hand reaching out but hesitating just inches from your shoulder. “You’re scared because of something that happened to you, and you’re acting like it’s nothing. I need you to trust me. I want to help.”
You closed your eyes, feeling the pressure build up inside you. Part of you wanted to push him away, to keep the past locked up where it belonged. But another part of you—the part that had started to believe in him, the part that actually loved him—felt your resolve crumbling.
“Please, Yn,” he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. “Just… let me in. I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.”
Your shoulders slumped, and you turned your face slightly away, swallowing back the words that clawed at your throat. “It’s not… it’s not something I want to talk about,” you said, your voice strained. “Just drop it, okay?”
But before you could fully turn away again, Sunghoon gently took hold of your shoulders, guiding you back to face him. His gaze was intense, a mixture of desperation and affection, and you felt your heart racing under his stare.
“Yn, please don’t shut me out,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. And then, without another word, he leaned down, capturing your lips in a kiss so intense it left you breathless. It was desperate, filled with all the words he hadn’t said, all the emotions he hadn’t yet expressed.
You hesitated, your hands hovering in the air, caught between pushing him away and pulling him closer. But as his lips moved against yours, the warmth and need in his kiss started to melt the icy walls you had put up. Slowly, almost reluctantly, you let yourself lean into him, your hands finding their way to his shoulders, clutching him like he was your lifeline.
Sunghoon’s hand slid up to cup your face, his thumb gently brushing your cheek as the kiss deepened. And as much as you wanted to keep your guard up, you found herself yielding, your resolve slipping away with every second.
When you finally broke apart, he rested his forehead against yours, his breath coming in shallow, ragged gasps. “Yn,” he whispered, his voice filled with so much tenderness it made your chest ache. “Please. I just want to be there for you.”
You looked up at him, your gaze softened, vulnerable in a way you rarely allowed yourself to be. And in that moment, you felt something you hadn’t felt in a long time—a glimmer of trust, a sliver of hope.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” you murmured, your voice barely audible. But even as you said it, your hands remained on his shoulders, holding him close.
“Then let me help you,” he whispered back, his fingers gently tracing your jaw. “One step at a time. Just… don’t shut me out again.”
He gently guided you over to the small couch nestled in the corner of the guest room. He sat down beside you, keeping one of your hands in his, his thumb tracing soothing circles over your skin. His gaze was filled with a rare tenderness, a quiet understanding that made you feel both exposed and safe at the same time.
“Talk to me,” he said softly, his voice steady and patient. “Whatever happened… I want to know. Let me in.”
You looked down, your fingers gripping his hand as you struggled with the words. You had buried this pain so deeply that the idea of unearthing it felt almost impossible. But something about the warmth in his touch, the way he looked at her like he genuinely wanted to understand, made you feel that you could trust him.
“It was… it was a long time ago,” you began, your voice barely above a whisper. “I was in high school, young and… naive, I guess.”
Sunghoon nodded, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. “Go on. I’m listening.”
“His name was Sunwoo,” you continued, your tone thick with old pain. “He was older than me by a couple of years. Our families knew each other, and my dad… he wanted us to end up together. He thought we’d be this perfect match, two ‘well-matched’ families. My dad practically saw it as a done deal.”
Sunghoon’s jaw tightened, but he said nothing, letting you continue at your own pace.
“We started dating when I was in high school,” you continued, her gaze fixed somewhere distant. “I thought he was everything I wanted. He was my first love, and… I was so young. So stupidly, blindly in love.”
You took a shaky breath, and he squeezed your hand again, his thumb still moving in gentle circles.
“But Sunwoo… he was… well, he was a mess. A total fuckboy, honestly,” you said, your voice tinged with bitterness. “He cheated on me. So many times. And every time I found out, I forgave him. I made excuses for him, telling myself he’d change, that he cared about me.”
Sunghoon clenched his free hand into a fist, anger flashing across his face, but he kept his grip on you steady, silent encouragement in his eyes.
“It was humiliating,” you admitted, your voice barely audible. “Everyone knew, and I still took him back every time. I convinced myself that he loved me. And maybe he did, in his own twisted way. But I let him hurt me over and over because I didn’t know any better. I thought that was… just how love was.”
You took a deep, trembling breath. “Then he graduated. And I thought… I thought we’d finally be okay. That maybe we’d make it work. But instead… he broke up with me. Publicly. In front of everyone. He called it off like it was nothing, made some joke about how he’d ‘outgrown’ high school relationships.”
Sunghoon’s eyes flashed with anger, his hand tightening around yours. “He humiliated you? In front of everyone?”
You nodded, swallowing hard. “I couldn’t believe it. I felt like such a fool. I’d been so blind. After he left, I… I fell apart, Sunghoon. I stopped eating, stopped sleeping. I lost so much weight. I couldn’t focus on anything, and my grades started slipping. My dad didn’t get it; he just thought I needed to get over it and move on. But it felt like everything I believed in had shattered.”
He reached out, gently brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I’m so sorry, princess. He didn’t deserve you. Not then, not ever.”
You met his gaze, surprised to find your own eyes brimming with unshed tears. “I thought I was over it, you know? But sometimes, the hurt… it’s still there. It’s why I don’t let anyone get too close. I swore I’d never feel that way again.”
Sunghoon’s face softened, and he held your gaze, his own eyes filled with a fierce protectiveness. “You didn’t deserve that. No one should ever make you feel that way. And I promise you… I would never do that to you, Yn. I’m here, okay? I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
A tear slipped down your cheek, and he wiped it away gently with his thumb. For the first time, you felt the weight of your past beginning to lift, replaced by a sense of comfort you hadn’t felt in years.
The room felt heavy with everything you’d just shared, but in the middle of it all, he could feel one thing so clearly, and he knew he couldn’t hold back anymore. He took a deep breath, squeezing your hand gently as he whispered, “YN… I love you.”
Your eyes widened, shock crossing your face as his words sank in. You opened her mouth as if to say something, but no words came out. Your heart was pounding in your chest, and you could hardly believe you had heard him right.
“What… what did you just say?” you asked softly, your voice barely above a whisper.
Sunghoon smiled, that gentle, steady smile that always seemed to make everything better. “I love you, princess,” he repeated, his voice filled with a warmth and sincerity you had never experienced before.
Your heart skipped a beat, the weight of those words settling over you like a gentle blanket. No one had ever told you that before—not like this. The only other person who’d ever made you feel loved and cared for was your brother, Mingyu. But this was different; this was deeper, intimate in a way..
A soft, almost disbelieving smile spread across your lips as you gazed up at him, your fingers lightly tracing his jawline. “You… you love me?”
He nodded, his thumb brushing over your cheek. “I do. I love you.”
A rush of emotion overwhelmed you, and you leaned in, capturing his lips in a heavy kiss. It was a slow, gentle kiss, but one that grew warmer and deeper with each passing second. His hand slipped to the back of your neck, pulling you closer as his lips moved against yours, tender yet insistent.
As the kiss deepened, Sunghoon shifted slightly, guiding you so you were nestled against him. His fingers tangled in your hair, and he let out a soft sigh against your lips, pressing you closer, his other hand steady on your waist. It was as if he was filling every broken pieces of her.
“Princess,” he murmured between kisses, his voice rough with emotion as he pulled back just enough to look into your eyes. “You don’t have to be afraid anymore. I’m here, and I’m not going anywhere.”
Your heart swelled, and you managed a soft, breathless laugh. “You’re so… cheesy.”
“Only for you,” he whispered, a teasing smile on his lips, his thumb brushing against your lower lip as he leaned back in.
You kissed again, slower this time, savoring every second, every touch. You felt herself relax completely, letting go of your fears and doubts as you leaned into him, losing yourself in the feeling of his arms around you.
His hands slipped to your waist, drawing you closer still, and you could feel the warmth of his breath against your neck, his lips leaving a trail of kisses that sent shivers down your spine. You let your fingers explore his shoulders, his back, every inch of him grounding you in the moment, before he came back to attack your lips.
As you kiss deepened, your fingers curled into the fabric of Sunghoon’s shirt, and without even thinking, you murmured, “Hoonie…”
Sunghoon froze for a moment, pulling back just enough to look at you, his lips breaking into a soft, surprised smile. He hadn’t heard that nickname from you in so long, and the sound of it from your lips stirred something deep within him.
“What did you just call me?” he asked, his voice tinged with a mixture of surprise and delight.
Your cheeks flushed, but you couldn’t help but smile back at him, feeling warmth spread through your chest. “Hoonie,” you repeated, letting the name roll off your tongue with a playfulness you’d kept guarded until now.
His grin grew wider, and he leaned back in, pressing a quick, tender kiss to your lips before pulling away just a little again, his eyes twinkling with mischief. “Say it again,” he murmured, his voice soft and almost pleading.
“Hoonie,” you whispered, smiling as you said it, your tone teasing as you leaned in to kiss him again, letting the name linger between them.
Sunghoon chuckled against your lips, his arms wrapping tighter around you. “You have no idea how much I missed that,” he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
You couldn’t help but laugh softly, the sound muffled as they kissed again, slower. “Hoonie,” you murmured again, smiling into the kiss, your fingers tracing patterns along his jawline. “Hoonie… Hoonie…”
He let out a soft laugh, his forehead pressing against yours as he held you close. “You’re just teasing me now.”
“Maybe,” you replied with a smirk, brushing your lips against his once more. “But you asked for it.”
“Well, I’m not complaining,” he whispered, his voice a mixture of tenderness and joy as he kissed you again, his lips finding yours over and over. Each time yous said his name, each time you whispered that soft “Hoonie,” he felt his heart swell a little more.
After what felt like hours wrapped up in each other, you and Sunghoon finally exchanged a glance, a quiet understanding passing between you. “Maybe… we should head out?” you murmured, your fingers still laced through his.
“Yeah,” Sunghoon replied, though he didn’t look entirely ready to let go of you just yet. “But knowing Jay and Yizhuo, they might actually keep us here forever if we don’t show up soon.”
You both laughed softly as you walked over to the door, Sunghoon reaching out to turn the handle. To your surprise, it turned easily, swinging open without resistance.
“Wait… was this door unlocked the whole time?” you asked, your brows knitting in confusion.
Sunghoon looked equally perplexed, glancing back into the room as if expecting to find some hidden prank. “Are you kidding me?” He shook his head, letting out a soft chuckle.
Together, still holding hands, you made your way down the hallway and your the main living room. But as you turned the corner, you stopped dead in your tracks, both of their eyebrows shooting up in surprise. There, against one of the walls, were Yizhuo and Jay, locked in a steamy make-out session that was definitely not meant for public viewing.
You and Sunghoon exchanged a smirk, unable to hold back their amusement. You cleared your throat loudly, and Yizhuo immediately pulled back, her face flushing with embarrassment. Jay, however, looked entirely unbothered, his arm still casually wrapped around Yizhuo’s waist as he shot them both a mischievous grin.
“Well, well, well,” you teased, raising an eyebrow. “What do we have here?”
Yizhuo’s cheeks were flaming red, but she managed a quick smile. “Okay, okay, you caught us. But I’d say you two should’ve been more than busy yourselves.”
Sunghoon squeezed your hand, smiling at you before turning back to Yizhuo and Jay. “I’d say we’re pretty good,” he replied, grinning.
Yizhuo’s eyes lit up, and she looked back at you, her voice softening. “Are you guys okay?”
You glanced up at Sunghoon, your face breaking into a warm smile as you nodded. “Yeah,” you said softly. “We’re okay.” You squeezed his hand as you spoke, your own smile mirroring his.
Yizhuo’s face broke into a wide grin, her embarrassment forgotten. “I’m so glad to hear that! I was really starting to worry about you two.”
You smirked, raising an eyebrow as you nodded toward Jay. “So… what about you two, huh?”
Jay flashed a smug grin, tightening his hold on Yizhuo. “Oh, we’ve been together for a few weeks now. Officially, anyway,” he said, clearly unfazed by the sudden attention. “Guess we didn’t make it as obvious as we thought.”
Sunghoon laughed, genuinely happy for them. “Yeah, I had no idea! Congrats, you two.”
You nodded, your eyes twinkling as you looked between them. “Really, I’m so happy for you both. It suits you,” you said, glancing pointedly at Yizhuo, who was still blushing furiously.
Yizhuo grinned, tilting her head as she looked pointedly back at you and Sunghoon. “Well, it suits you too, Yn. You guys look good together.”
Sunghoon smirked at that, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind, pulling you close in a playful back hug. He leaned his chin on your shoulder, his grin both smug and affectionate. “Hear that, princess? We look good together,” he murmured, giving you a little squeeze.
You rolled your eyes, though you were clearly fighting a smile. “Oh, please, don’t let this go to your head, Hoonie,” you teased, your voice warm but your expression feigned with indifference.
He chuckled, pulling you even closer. “Too late,” he whispered in your ear, his breath warm against your cheek. “I’m already the luckiest guy in the world.”
You couldn’t hide your smile any longer, and Yizhuo squealed, practically bouncing on the spot. “This is the cutest thing ever! Look at you two, all ‘we’re not official’ to completely inseparable!”
Jay smirked, crossing his arms as he looked at Sunghoon. “So much for your ‘no feelings’ rule, huh, Hoon?”
Sunghoon rolled his eyes but didn’t let go of you and you knew he would now never let go. “Yeah, yeah. Guess I’m a little too whipped to care,” he said, not even attempting to hide his grin.
You tilted your head back to look up at him, your smirk teasing. “A little too whipped? That’s the understatement of the century, Hoonie.”
He pretended to pout, leaning down to brush a quick kiss to your cheek. “You like it, though.”
“Maybe,” you murmured, your smile softening as you looked up at him.
Yizhuo clapped her hands, her eyes sparkling with excitement. “Look at my best friend being all lovey-dovey. Who would’ve thought?”
“Certainly not me,” you laughed, still nestled comfortably in Sunghoon’s arms, feeling warmth spread through you as you exchanged a knowing smile with him.
Jay chuckled, reaching for Yizhuo’s hand and giving it a gentle squeeze. “Guess we’re all a little whipped tonight.”
And for the first time, none of them felt like they needed to hide it. As Jay and Yizhuo started to make their way to the living room, chatting and laughing together, you were about to follow them, but you felt Sunghoon’s hand slip into yours, stopping you in your tracks. Before you could turn around fully, he gently pulled you back against him, wrapping his arms around your waist, and leaned down to brush his lips against your ear.
“Wait a second,” he whispered, his voice soft and full of warmth. “Can’t let you go just yet.”
A warm shiver ran down your spine at the sound of his voice so close, and you felt herself relax into him, your hand instinctively reaching up to rest on his arm. “We’re going to lose them if we stay here,” you murmured, though there was no urgency in your voice.
Sunghoon chuckled softly, pressing a gentle kiss to the side of your neck. “Let them go. I just want you for a minute.”
You smiled, tilting your head to give him a little more space, your eyes closing as you savored the feeling of his closeness. “Only a minute?” she teased, her voice light.
“Well, I could ask for more,” he whispered, his lips now at your cheek as he trailed soft kisses along your skin, making your heart race.
“You’re being awfully sweet,” you said, turning around to face him, your hands finding their way to his chest. “Not that I mind.”
He grinned, reaching up to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, his gaze soft. “You deserve a little sweetness, princess,” he said, his voice barely above a murmur. “After everything… I just want to make sure you know how much you mean to me.”
Your cheeks flushed, your usual confidence softened by the sincerity in his eyes. You could feel herself melting, a smile spreading across your face as you looked up at him. “Sunghoon…”
Before you could say anything else, he leaned down, capturing your lips in a soft, lingering kiss, his hands gently holding you close. The world around them seemed to fade, and in that moment, it was just the two of them, their kiss deepening as if they were the only ones who mattered.
After a long moment, you pulled back, laughing softly as you glanced toward the living room. “Okay, we really need to go before they come looking for us.”
Sunghoon sighed dramatically, his hands still resting on you waist. “Fine,” he whispered, stealing one more quick kiss. “But don’t think you’re getting away that easily later.”
You rolled her eyes, grinning as you took his hand and started to lead him toward the living room. “Come on, Hoonie. Let’s not keep everyone waiting.”
Hand in hand, you walked to join their friends, the warmth of his touch still lingering as you settled into the cozy happiness of being together.
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NUMBER ONE GIRL
31. you're mine (written)
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Neither of you talk much, but you have a great time nonetheless. It's almost as if you both know what the other is thinking and words weren't exactly necessary. However, something similar to fear keeps you from letting go; fear of your feelings not being reciprocated, of saying the wrong thing, and of messing up the weird and comfortable relationship you've built.
However, little by little the awkwardness disappears and everything seems to fall into place. You joke around and laugh. Everything feels easier without the weight of expectations and labels hovering over you.
"Can I ask you something?" His voice drowned by his own laugh.
"What?" For some reason, you can't help but smile.
"Why were you hiding in the bathroom?" He seems nervous, "I got worried for a second."
"I wasn't hiding," you can feel your face hot. "I was talking to my friends. Don't ask." You try to laugh but it comes out as a sigh.
And just before you go on a rant about everything and reassure him that you weren't hiding from him, he smiles and reaches for your hand. He knows. You're not sure how, but he knows; he wouldn't be smiling like that if he didn't.
Dessert arrives and you're so lost in his presence that you barely notice how people have started to leave the place. Has he always been so alluring?
When you finally have to go, you reach for your card just to be left waiting. "We haven't paid."
"I did. I paid in advance so you wouldn't pull any funny tricks."
You want to argue and say it's not fair for him to pay every single time you hang out. Then it hits you, are you really hanging out? This whole dinner thing has turned out to be more date-like than you anticipated.
"There's something I want to show you..." His voice interrupts your spiraling.
You just nod and follow him back to his car. Of course, you won't say it out loud but you just realized you'd go basically anywhere with him. Are you supposed to feel like this? Is it wrong?
After a short drive, you finally arrive at the place he wanted to show you. It's a recording studio, although way different than the ones you have at school. This place has a lot more equipment and looks cozier.
"Is this like your personal studio?"
"Something like that," he explains turning on everything, "I share the place with Heesung."
"I didn't know he's also part of the music program."
"He's not. His parents are doctors so they wanted him to follow their steps and, after a lot of arguing and screaming, they compromised on psychology so Heesung could still have time for music."
"He sounds brave."
"He is, but don't tell him that, his ego is big enough as it is." He jokes, but you see the fondness in his eyes. He sure loves his friends.
"Like you're one to talk..."
"What's that supposed to mean?!"
You both keep on bickering and laughing. Then silence sets in, but not the uncomfortable kind of silence, it's more like a natural kind of quietness. The same type of silence that comes before the sunrise; a breath of fresh air in the loudness of your lives.
"What did you want to show me?"
"Me."
You must look confused and maybe even concerned cause he laughs and looks away before explaining. "I know why your friends didn't like me, and I know at least one of them told you not to hangout with me or whatever.
I'm not saying they're wrong or that people misunderstand me, but they don't know the whole truth. They don't know me beyond the persona that, I confess, I've built to keep them out. But I want you to know me, all of me.
I'm an asshole, I was in love before and got my heart shattered, and I used that as an excuse to play around and maybe even hurt people. I'm not saying my actions were justified, but I did what I thought was necessary to not be hurt again..."
He is almost spiraling. This is the most honest he's ever been, but he sounds just so desperate.
"Yeonjun..."
"Please, let me finish. I like you. I'm not a good person, and I've hurt people and I'm a mess and I might fuck things up... and I like you. I know I was the one to say we should take things slow and see where it got us. From the moment I first laid eyes on you I knew you were gorgeous but now, after spending time with you and getting to know you a little, I like you and all of the things that make you who you are."
You don't know what to say. He likes you. You like him too, but you don't know how to say it or where to start. So kiss him.
You pull him in and he seems surprised. For a second you start to think that maybe you rushed a little with the physical contact but then you feel his arms engulf you and his lips moving against yours. Has he always been that good of a kisser? Your mind can't even begin to comprehend what got you here.
"I like you too..." you whisper when the contact stops. Too nervous to look at him.
"I kinda figured." He laughs and you feel his hands cupping your face and his thumb caressing your skin. Just a light touch.
"Shut up." You try to hide from his gaze.
He brings you closer and wraps his arms around you, as if he were scared you'd change your mind. "You ruined my speech, though. I even wrote a song so you'd hear about my feelings while I uncomfortably stare at you for four minutes straight."
You can't help but laugh, of course he would do something like that. "Play it for me."
"No way."
"Come on! I'll even pretend to be surprised and everything."
He gives in. Part of him thinks he'd say yes to anything you ask but that's a door he won't open yet. He just admitted he likes you, there'll be enough time in the future to worry about the intensity of his feelings.
he takes off his blazer and walks to the piano. "Please remember that you asked for it."
"You're doing great sweetie!"
He rolls his eyes and you can see his blush but he starts anyway, "This ain't for the best..."
His hands move swiftly yet hesitantly. It's been a while since he's felt so vulnerable. Your soft gaze follows his every movement and he can feel his skin getting warmer by the second. You smile for a moment enjoying the effect you had on him. Until he looks at you while singing.
Now you get it. It's not uncomfortable at all. It's rather intimate. Having someone so openly expressing his feelings for you in such an emotional moment makes you feel helpless and bare. It's almost magical.
"... delicate." He finishes and avoids your eyes.
"Don't get all shy on me now." You try to joke.
"I'm not shy!"
You bicker for a while and everything feels so natural. You don't know what made you feel so nervous at dinner, he's just Yeonjun.
"I do want you to know that I don't expect us to put a label on this right away." He explains while holding your hand. "I want us to go on dates and have like the whole experience. I wanna court you or whatever it is old people call it."
"I'd really like that." You can stop smiling. You didn't know it was possible to smile this much but here you are.
The drive home is different; the feeling of his hand in yours is comforting and yet it also makes you feel anxious. A good type of anxious though.
You talk about school and your plans for the week. It's all so natural and domestic, you've never felt like this before. Not even with Sunghoon. This is the first time you've let yourself be with someone after him and somehow it feels so much more real and authentic. Yeonjun doesn't make you feel as if you need to tone down who you are; you can just be yourself.
When you arrive at your apartment complex, he opens your door and tries best not to stutter while saying goodbye. You laugh and can't even figure out why. You're just so happy.
"See you tomorrow?" He asks shyly once you get out of the car.
"See you tomorrow." You confirm still holding on to his hand.
And then you seal your promise with a kiss...
notes:
I was so excited for this chapter
once again we love a communicative king
had an issue with the format but it's ok now
happy holidays btw
taglist: (32/50)
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#Spotify#kpop au#kpop smau#skz smau#txt smau#5targh0st#5targh0st number one girl#lee know imagines#lee know x reader#stray kids#tomorrow x together#kpop fanfic#kpop scenarios#aespa karina#social media au#itzy yeji#le sserafim yunjin#lee know smau#yeonjun imagines#yeonjun x reader#yeonjun smau#txt scenarios#txt imagine#txt imagines#txt x reader#skz x reader#skz imagine#skz imagines
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