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justabigassnerd · 2 months

Text

Anxieties

Pairing - Tim Bradford x teen!reader

Word count - 3,918

Warnings - angst, fluff, anxieties, Kojo is the best boy, brief mention of nightmares

Summary - after the ordeal with your uncle, your anxieties begin to take hold of you, worrying the others

A/N - hey y'all it's finally time for another fic! I'm so sorry it took me so long to get a new fic out, this was an anon request and I hope I did it justice. I won't ramble but as per y'all please send in requests, feedback, and enjoy!!!

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In the few weeks that passed after the ordeal with your uncle, you had found yourself on edge a lot more than normal. You felt like every time you surveyed a room, or walked down a street alone, you could see your uncle. But the moment you looked away and then looked back, he was gone. The logical part of your brain knew that Steve had been locked away and that Tim would never let him get near you but part of you was terrified that he’d somehow escape unnoticed and come after you. After all, Steve knew where you lived.

Despite all your anxieties, you hadn’t told Tim about them. He made it known that you could come to him about anything that was troubling you and you appreciated his willingness to be there for you. But you were scared that Tim would think you were being stupid for being so worried. So you opted to suffer in silence, constantly on edge and suffering from reoccurring nightmares about Steve hurting those you love.

Unbeknownst to you, Tim was suffering in his own fair share of anxieties regarding your safety. He always made sure that someone he trusted was picking you up from school now instead of relying on the school bus. He had asked you to send him regular updates throughout the day just to make sure you were okay and he even got the idea from Nolan to implement a safe word plan to let him know if anything was wrong or if you were completely fine.

“Chen, I’ve got a meeting with Kiara in a few, do you think you could pick y/n up for me?” Tim asks, bumping into Lucy as she is on her way out of the locker room, now in her civvies instead of her uniform. Tim had begun to have regular meetings with Kiara about moving forward with adopting you, she had been talking him through everything and he was soon going to have the official paperwork he was going to surprise you with somehow.

“Yeah, that’s fine I can do that,” Lucy says with a smile, already beginning to dig her car keys out of her pocket as she nods.

“Thank you,” Tim says gratefully, pulling out his phone to text you and let you know that Lucy would be picking you up before bidding Lucy goodbye and making his way to Grey’s office to pick up the paperwork he needed to do. Lucy heads out to her car, gets in, and drives in the direction of your school as she hums along to the song on the radio.

“Looks like Lucy is picking me up today.” You mumble as you read the text on your phone while you and your friends exit the school building.

“What have you done that means that you’re now being picked up every day instead of taking the school bus like you used to?” Juliet asks jokingly, wondering why you had suddenly stopped taking the bus.

“I don’t know. Maybe there was a rough case and Tim just wants to make sure I’m safe.” You shrug. You hadn’t told your friends about what had happened with your uncle but you didn’t think that you being picked up regularly was a product of that as it started a week after the incident. You had just come to the conclusion that Tim had gone through a rough case that caused this. As you glance around you quickly locate Lucy’s car as she pulls up and you say goodbye to your friends with the promise to text them later before heading over to the car, greeting Lucy as you get in.

“Hey y/n/n. How was school?” Lucy asks cheerfully as you get into the car, putting your bag in the footwell in front of you before buckling up your seatbelt.

“It was okay. It was school.” You say with a light shrug, offering Lucy a smile.

“Any fun gossip from today that you can tell me but not Tim?” Lucy then asks as she starts the car beginning the drive to your house. Over the time you had known her, Lucy had become your confidant. Anything you wanted to tell someone about that you weren’t ready to talk to Tim about, you could go to Lucy and she’d support you and give you advice when you needed it.

“No, sorry.” You say with a slight laugh as Lucy groans jokingly. The two of you continue to chat with each other until you make it home and you invite Lucy in as you usually did when she drove you home.

“Did you want to take Kojo on a walk with me?” You ask as you unlock the front door, looking over at Lucy as she nods.

“I’ll never turn down an opportunity to hang out with Kojo,” Lucy says with a smile, entering the house behind you, immediately crouching down to pet Kojo as he comes over to greet you while you put your bag down and grab Kojo’s lead.

“Let’s go then, buddy.” You say to Kojo, clipping his lead on before the two of you leave the house again with Kojo trotting loyally by your side.

“Hey, do you want me to text Jackson and have him meet us at the park?” Lucy asks, pulling her phone out of her pocket as you nod with a smile.

“The more the merrier.” You say as Lucy types a message to Jackson. You felt a little safer knowing there would be not one but two police officers with you so if something did happen, both Lucy and Jackson would look out for you. You and Lucy continue to talk as you make your way to the park, settling down on a bench and playing fetch with Kojo once you arrive while you wait for Jackson to arrive. Before too long has passed, Jackson arrives, greeting you both with a smile before joining you on the bench, watching as Kojo sniffs around the park, investigating.

“How does it feel knowing you guys aren’t rookies for much longer?” You ask curiously, looking over at the two as Kojo comes trotting over, sitting by your feet and dropping the ball in his mouth at Jackson’s looking up at him and quietly begging for Jackson to throw the ball which he does so, sending Kojo darting off after it.

“It’s weird. But exciting. I can’t wait to patrol and not worry about when the next ‘Tim Test’ will happen.” Lucy admits with a laugh as Jackson nods in agreement.

“I mean I didn’t have Tim as my TO but I’m ready to get out on the streets without someone watching my every move,” Jackson says, watching as you nod. The three of you continue to talk about everything that comes to mind until Kojo comes trotting up to you, panting and signalling that he’s done playing.

“Come on, we’ll walk you home. I’m sure Tim will be home soon anyway.” Lucy says as all three of you stand from the bench and as you look up after clipping Kojo’s lead back on his collar you could’ve sworn that you caught sight of Steve disappearing behind a tree and it made you freeze in place, your breath hitching in your throat as you watch carefully to see if the person emerges again or not.

“Hello? Earth to y/n.” Lucy says, waving a hand in front of your face and bringing you back to reality.

“Sorry.” You say sheepishly, not missing Lucy and Jackson’s worried glance between each other.

“Is everything okay?” Lucy then asks, watching you carefully before Jackson speaks up.

“Did you see something?” Jackson asks, immediately on high alert as he surveys the park, looking for any suspicious behaviour.

“No, I just zoned out for a minute. Everything’s fine.” You say quickly with a weak chuckle before turning on your heels and walking off with Kojo by your side with Lucy and Jackson rushing after you. They were both worried about you but with your dismissive attitude, they didn’t want to push too much and drive you back into your cocoon after all the progress you’d made since being fostered, so as they followed you, they decided they’d bring it up with Tim and see if you’d open up to him about anything that was bothering you.

“Hey, is it okay if we come in and wait for Tim with you? I wanted to ask him something.” Lucy asks as you approach the house, turning to face them with a nod and a small smile.

“Yeah, he’s evidently not back yet so I’m fine if you come in to wait.” You say, unlocking the door and allowing them to come in while you crouch down to unhook Kojo from his lead, watching as he trots off in search of his water bowl. You, Jackson, and Lucy then sit in the living room and make small talk until you hear the key in the door and Tim announce his arrival, making you get up to greet him.

“Hey, Tim.” You say as you meet Tim by the door, hugging him quickly and missing the way Tim’s eyebrows furrowed at your greeting. Since the incident with your uncle, you’d started calling Tim ‘Dad’ a bit more often. You weren’t fully confident about calling him that in public or in front of other people just yet and Tim was okay with that, he just found it odd that you were calling him ‘Tim’ at home but when he heard more footsteps and looked up to see Lucy and Jackson he understood your shyness.

“Chen, West, what brings you here?” Tim asks as he releases you from the hug, watching as the two approach.

“We just wanted to talk to you about something,” Lucy says, fiddling with her fingers nervously.

“Okay,” Tim says simply.

“I’ll go to my room to give you some privacy.” You whisper quietly, grabbing your bag off the floor and heading to your room. Kojo follows behind you to keep you company while Tim, Lucy, and Jackson sit in the living room to talk.

“What’s up?” Tim asks, glancing between the two rookies as they each take a deep breath.

“We’re a little worried about y/n,” Lucy says, starting the conversation as Tim’s eyebrows furrow in thought.

“What’s going on? Is she okay?” Tim asks, already bracing his hands on either side of himself, ready to push himself onto his feet to go and check on you.

“We don’t know exactly but we both joined her when she took Kojo for a walk and just as we were getting ready to leave the park it was like she zoned out and she looked a little scared almost,” Jackson explains as best he can, recalling the event from earlier. Tim listens carefully thinking everything over in his head to try and figure out what it is that’s wrong.

“And she didn’t say anything?” Tim presses, wanting to get as much information out of the two as he can.

“She didn’t say anything. She said she was fine but I don’t fully buy it.” Lucy says, watching Tim carefully as he nods, carefully listening to every word she says.

“I’ll keep an eye on her. I don’t want to force her to tell me anything unless she’s ready to. But thank you for letting me know.” Tim says, nodding appreciatively at the two as they offer a small smile each before they decide to head home, both of them bidding Tim a quiet goodbye before they leave the house, leaving Tim alone with his thoughts until you appear in the doorway to the living room.

“Did Lucy and Jackson go home?” You ask, immediately noticing that the two are no longer in the house.

“Yeah, they left not too long ago. Sorry, I should’ve let you know they were leaving.” Tim apologises, watching as you shake your head with a small smile.

“I’ll see them again soon enough, it’s fine.” You say, assuring Tim that it was okay. In response, Tim nods with a tight-lipped smile as he gets to his feet.

“You hungry? I was going to make some dinner.” Tim asks, watching as you nod quietly, following him to the kitchen, sitting at the kitchen island and watching as Tim starts to get out various ingredients.

“Where’s Kojo?” Tim asks, noticing the lack of Kojo’s presence.

“He must’ve worn himself out on our walk because he hopped up on my bed and fell asleep before I’d even started my homework.” You say with a laugh.

“Well, we’ll let him sleep then. How else is he going to get the energy to drag me around on tomorrow morning’s walk?” Tim jokes, making you shake your head, laughing at the image of Tim being dragged around by Kojo.

“We can’t let him miss out on his dinner though.” You say watching Tim shake his head with a smile.

“Oh, he’ll know when it’s time for his dinner. You know that.” Tim says as you recall all the times Kojo used to paw and whine at you and Tim when it got close to his dinner time. You help Tim make dinner and he keeps a close eye on you, seeing if he can pinpoint any unusual behaviours from you. By the time you’ve finished making dinner and sat down to eat, Kojo had emerged from your room and demanded his dinner which you gave to him after you finished eating. As you finish tidying up after yourself, you turn to face Tim.

“I’m going to finish off my homework. I’ll be in my room if you need me.” You say, receiving a quick nod from Tim before you head off to your room, settling down at your desk and opening your laptop. Unbeknownst to Tim, you had actually finished your homework relatively quickly and easily earlier in the day, instead of doing any schoolwork when you opened your laptop, you opened a new tab and quickly searched up the recent news in Los Angeles. Your eyes scanned the various headlines that popped up, searching to see if there was anything to do with your uncle and him potentially escaping from prison somehow. You could feel your heart pounding and feel your mouth drying up as anxiety begins to wind itself around every part of you. When you read through the entire day’s worth of news, you let out a soft sigh of relief at the realisation that your uncle was still in prison. Despite the reassurance, you couldn’t shake the anxiety off that easily. Even after reading the various news headlines, even refreshing the page several times to double-check that nothing new had come through but even multiple checks couldn’t put your anxious mind at rest. You then decided to try and take your mind off it by catching up on some shows you and your friends have been talking about. You managed to watch a few episodes, but the moment a plotline came up in one of the crime shows where it depicted a convict escaping prison, you had to close your laptop and walk away from your desk. Your anxiety was now in high drive and you didn’t know how to stop it.

As if he sensed your troubles, Kojo nosed his way into your room as you sat down on the end of your bed, propping himself up on your legs using his front paws and resting his head on your lap, whining softly as he looked up at you.

“Hey, buddy.” You whisper shakily, beginning to pet Kojo softly, feeling your pounding heart begin to slow at the comforting presence of the dog. Taking your subtle cue, Kojo hauls himself up onto the bed alongside you, laying himself fully across your lap, the weight of your beloved dog helping to ground you even further as you repeatedly stroke his head. You stay put with Kojo for a few minutes before you decide to get ready for bed, having had enough of the day. You settled in bed, reading one of your lighthearted books with Kojo at your feet, and after about twenty minutes, Tim knocked on your door, entering with permission.

“Hey, kid.” Tim greets you softly, crossing to your bedside and smiling down at you.

“Hey.” You greet, putting your bookmark into your book and closing it, looking up at Tim.

“Goodnight, if you need me you can come and get me,” Tim says, leaning down to give you a hug which you reciprocate with a smile.

“I know, goodnight Dad.” You reply quietly, your smile widening slightly when you feel Tim tighten the hug ever so slightly.

“I’ll see you in the morning,” Tim says, releasing you from the hug, reaching down to pet Kojo and then making his way out of your room and back to his own room to go to bed. You choose to stay up a few more minutes, reading your book to put your mind at ease enough to fall asleep and when your eyelids begin to grow heavy, you put your book down, turned your light off and drifted off to sleep.

A few hours later, you bolted up in bed, panting heavily with tears in your eyes and fumbling to switch your lamp on as Kojo lifted his head, watching you quietly.

“Sorry buddy.” You whisper, reaching over to pet Kojo. He lets out a soft whine, stretching over to rest his head on your lap, and you try to force the memories of the nightmare out of your head. As you sit there petting Kojo, you feel your mouth drying up in your anxiety so you gently move Kojo off your lap and head out to the kitchen to get a drink of water.

While you headed off to the kitchen, Kojo hopped off your bed and made a beeline to Tim’s room, pawing at the door to push it open enough for him to creep in. Kojo made his way into the room, propping his front legs on the bed and pawing at Tim, waking him up instantly.

“Kojo, go to sleep,” Tim says, cracking an eye open and seeing the dog watching him. When he attempted to close his eyes, Kojo pawed at Tim once more, whining and making Tim open his eyes again, this time propping himself up on his elbow as he switched his lamp on.

“What is it?” Tim asks, aware of how silly it is to be asking a dog for an answer but after seeing the almost worried look on Kojo’s face, he starts to grow concerned himself.

“Is something wrong with y/n?” Tim then asks, and at his words, Kojo pushes off the bed and walks over to the door, looking back at Tim over his shoulder as Tim pushes himself off the bed and follows Kojo as he leads him to the kitchen where you were stood cradling a glass of water, eyes full of tears as you stared out the window.

“y/n? What’s up, kid?” Tim calls out to you softly, not missing how you jumped at the sound of his voice before you turned to face him.

“I’m fine.” You try weakly, quickly lifting a free hand to wipe at the unfallen tears.

“Somehow I’m not convinced,” Tim says, a soft joking tone to his voice as he approaches you slowly.

“I just needed a glass of water, I promise I’m okay, Tim.” You try again and this time Tim shakes his head, knowing you weren’t okay.

“You can tell me what’s wrong. I promise I won’t be upset.” Tim says, standing opposite you and watching you carefully.

“Can we talk in my room?” You ask quietly, glancing over your shoulder and watching the window carefully as a sense of unease settles into your body.

“Of course. You head to your room with Kojo and I’ll be right behind you.” Tim says reassuringly, picking up on your nervousness and taking the appropriate action. You nod quietly, heading to your room with Kojo by your side while Tim stays behind, flicking all the lights off as he makes his way to your room before entering your room, finding you sat on your bed with Kojo practically curled up on your lap as you stroked him softly.

“Hey.” You say quietly as Tim pulls out your desk chair, pulling it alongside your bed and sitting on it, regarding you softly.

“What’s up, kid?” Tim asks as your focus drops to Kojo, a small smile appearing on your face as Kojo lets out a small huff of appreciation as you stroke him.

“Promise you won’t think it’s stupid?” You ask quietly, briefly looking up at Tim before focusing back on Kojo.

“I promise I won’t think it’s stupid. Whatever it is, it’s got you shaken up pretty bad.” Tim assures you softly, letting you know there would be no judgement.

“I keep thinking I can see my uncle everywhere I go. I think I catch a glimpse of him out of the corner of my eye and then I’m anxious for the rest of the day. I’m constantly checking the news to see if he escaped and I’m terrified that he’ll get out and if he does, he knows where I live. I keep having nightmares about what happened a few weeks ago. And I’m terrified he’s going to do it again.” You explain, tears welling in your eyes as Tim’s expression softens.

“He’s not going to get out. And in the very rare event that he does, he’d have to be prepared to get through almost all of the LAPD before he could hurt a hair on your head. I can promise you that.” Tim says, his voice never wavering as you reach up to wipe more unfallen tears from your eyes. At Tim’s words, you nod lightly, still not completely at ease but you found comfort in Tim’s willingness to protect you.

“You’d really get the LAPD to protect me if he got out?” You ask quietly as Tim nods.

“There isn’t one thing I wouldn’t do to protect you. I’d do whatever it takes to keep you safe.” Tim says, watching you as you smile despite your tears, carefully moving Kojo off your lap so you can embrace Tim who is of course quick to accept the hug, holding you close as he feels you relax.

“Thank you, Dad.” You whisper gratefully, burying your face in his shoulder.

“No need to thank me, y/n/n. I’ve got you.” Tim says softly, pressing a soft kiss to the top of your head before releasing you from the hug, watching as you sit back on your bed, giggling as Kojo sits up and takes the opportunity to lick your cheek.

“I’ll let you get some more rest. But if you’re still anxious and need me don’t be afraid to wake me up. Or send Kojo to do it for you.” Tim says, petting Kojo as he stands from your chair, putting it back behind your desk as you get back into your bed. Once you’re under the covers, you say one last goodnight to Tim before lying down as he leaves your room, leaving you to fall into a comforting sleep, knowing that Tim would move heaven and earth to keep you safe and that you’d be protected no matter what.

taglist (comment or ask to be added):

@starlightandsouls @whirlwind2005

#justabigassnerd #justabigassnerd writes #unexpected bond universe #the rookie #the rookie abc #the rookie fic #the rookie fanfic #tim bradford #tim bradford the rookie #tim bradford fic #tim bradford x reader #tim bradford x you #tim bradford x y/n #tim bradford x teen!reader #x teen!reader

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in1-nutshell · 8 months

Note

Hello again! May I asked you for minicon Buddy? Buddy the minicon who not belong to anyone and wandered around Autobots and Decepticons like a stray cat near your house.

You want to adopted Buddy? Catch them if you can! :)

I'm not sure which au is, I just want them to have some interaction with Soundwave, and maybe the Autobots too.

I saw the words 'stray cat' and 'minicon'. May I present you... Bot Buddy the Felicon! (If you don't know, its Bot Buddy that looks like Ravage). Since you did not specify continuity or some characters, I chose them at random. If this is not what you wanted, please let me know.

Hope you enjoy!

Bot Buddy the Felicon who wonders around the Autobot and Decepticon territories with Soundwave, Starscream, and Goldbug

SFW, Platonic, Cybertronain reader

SG!

Soundwave

Soundwave fears for this felicon’s life.

It is not safe for anyone to be weaving in and out of Bot and Con territory. If it wasn’t already hard for anyone to get out of the Dead zone without their processor getting scrambled.

He has tried to convince the felicon to come with him where it is safe, but it soon turns into a game of cat and mouse

Buddy sitting still looking at Soundwave.

“Hi—”--Soundwave

Buddy dashing out the door.

“No. No. No. No. No—“--Soundwave

He tries to keep tabs on his little friend as much as he can between that and his regular duties on the broadcasting. He is mainly worried about them getting caught by the wrong bot and never seeing them again.

For Soundwave’s sake, Glint has promised to track down Buddy and talk to them about joining them or at least staying within safe territory.

Starscream

Starscream has seen this felicon every now and then.

Whether it be flying around or seeing them pop up on their scanners, the felicon always makes some sort of entrance.

Like Soundwave, he fears for their safety as they easily weave in between territories.

But the times he does get with Buddy, he tries to recruit them to their cause. With their expertise in getting to places undetected, could be extremely useful for them. But Buddy makes him try and catch them before escaping again.

Buddy running from an angry white jet.

“Why are you running from me?! You know I don’t mean you any harm! I just want to talk!”--Starscream

“No!”--Buddy

“Please?!”--Starscream

“No!”--Buddy

Starscream stops for a while realizing that the bot themselves may not want anything to do with the war and respects their choice.

He gets some updates on the felicon from Soundwave from time to time.

Goldbug

Goldbug absolutely hates this bot with every fiber in his new body.

This bot has made a fool of him and his security!

He has set up traps for the felicon, but they always fail no matter what he puts in them. It’s almost like the felicon was playing him!

Goldbug looking at the security footage from last night.

Buddy absolutely demolishing the trap and getting any energon goodie that was left in the open.

“WHY WONT THIS CAT JUST—JUST ARGH!”--Goldbug

Keyboard gets smashed.

He is out for this felicon’s energon.

It comes to a point where he is considering on putting a bounty on the feilcons helm all throughout Gold city. Maybe get that Blurr bot to get them alive so he could torture the troublesome felicon himself.

The only reason that is holding Goldbug back from calling in the bounty hunter or sending out the wanted posters is that he doesn’t want Prime or Prowl to find out he was being played by some low life felicon.

For now, he’ll have to make do with setting more elaborate traps than the last ones, maybe get Slicer to help with the designs.

#transformers #transformers x reader #maccadam #transformers shattered glass x platonic reader #transformers shattered glass #transformers sg soundwave

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kirby-manga-translated · 9 months

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It's Kirby Time Book 9: Coming Very Soon!

For like months now I've been promising I was going to do a translation of the 9th It's Kirby Time picture book, and it is nearly complete at last! I estimate four days MAX until it's posted on here.

But why did it take so long in the first place? Well that's partially because my attention was split between working on it and doing regular chapter updates, but partially because the art in this book is very pretty and I really wanted to do it justice when I covered up the Japanese text. Unfortunately for me, the art is also very complex compared to my usual fare and I'm not much of an artist in the first place. Ordinarily, the English text I put on can help cover some of it up, but the font I use for these books is really thin and barely covers up anything.

There were a few pages in particular that were especially time-consuming for me. Take a look at this two-page spread I just finished:

Gorgeous, right? All those raindrops falling past the leaves... Well, this is what it looked like before:

In order to cover up the script, I had to extend every single raindrop that intersected a piece of it. With a mouse. And occasionally a trackpad when I was doing it on my laptop. And then I still had to fill in the rest of the background as well.

Here's a gif comparing the two if that helps put it in perspective:

So, yeah!! That took a friccin' while!!! And yeah!!!! I'm basically just making this post because I'm finally done and I wanna complain about it!!!!!

For real though, the pages are looking great and because I've spent so much time making them look this good (yeah im tooting my own horn here but i earned it dangit), I'm actually gonna upload all the textless pages alongside the translated book. Not all of them are two-page spreads like this one, but consider this a little teaser for the full thing! Something to whet your appetite, if you will. Here's a link to it on Google Drive: https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/19z8WLah-ZGES2jnyZOILJKc9kE75Wvs9?usp=drive_link

And if you don't think it looks that good or don't think covering up all that text sounds that hard,

well

#kirby #kirby manga #it's kirby time #meta knight #nintendo #i never want to draw another raindrop for as long as i live #seriously

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unbidden-yidden-deactivated20240 · 1 year

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So here I am, unable to sleep again, because of the horrifying attack on Israel.

The stories keep coming out and for every new detail I find out, another part of my soul shatters.

[***massive trigger warning for the rest***]

I feel like I'm living in a parallel world to everyone who is not affected by this situation. It's been surreal to go about my work day and regular life as if the images of blood-soaked cradles, burned corpses, raped and wounded women, captives of all ages being taken away on vehicles, video of a small child being taunted for crying for his mother, body bags lined up in rows on the ground, torched cars and homes, and the raw grief of the surviving family members aren't burned onto the backs of my eyelids.

One account I read from a family member of the deceased was that she was beaten, raped in multiple ways and sticks shoved into each place, and left for dead. Another I came across spoke of a small child being forced to watch his parents tortured, killed, and hacked apart. Still another I saw was a report of several children bludgeoned to death so as not to "waste the bullets."

How can I possibly begin to process this?

These people look just like the people in my communities and the friends I've made across the sea. They have my Hebrew teacher's hair, my rabbi's cheekbones, they sound like the shinshinim kids we have each year. They look like the baby nephews of my fellow congregants. I could have davened next to any of them and never known. It is only sheer dumb luck that I don't personally know someone who has died or lost close family.

There has been a pit of dread in my stomach since Shimini Atzeret that will not go away. I find myself on the verge of tears at all times, yet have not been able to actually cry (which is not a good sign; an inability to express sadness in tears is a known post-trauma response for me) and I cannot rest normally. Sometimes I can distract myself for a bit, but the pain and grief rush back in immediately when I remember.

I can feel, in real time, this Jewish cultural trauma sinking into my bones.

And you might think I might be able to separate myself from it since I'm not there and don't have family there. But I can't, because I don't want to. I can't, because some tether bound me forever to the land as soon as my feet hit the ground there, and some part of my soul stayed behind when I left. I don't want to, because these are my people and so they are my adoptive family, even if I do not know them. I am my brother's keeper.

And so here I stand, half a world away from the danger, nervous and scared and grieving, searching our perfectly blue sky for signs of missiles that are not falling here and being startled constantly by the normal and unbroken landscape. The lush beauty of Midwestern autumn woods is juxtaposed in my mind with Middle Eastern walls painted in the blood of my people and their broken bodies beneath them. I see it in the waking light of day as clear as anything in front of me, and walk around like a person divided, in both places at once yet not being fully present in either. I cannot unsee it.

How can I possibly explain this? To myself? To the people actually having to live this nightmare? To the other people removed from the immediate physical danger but who do have blood relatives and/or other family there that they're just praying stay safe and come home at the end of the day? That they are constantly checking their phones for updates or even minimal signs that they're still alive?

The words fail me, but I the closest thing I have to an answer is love. I love my people and I would rather absorb this pain with them and carry it in my soul forever than look away from Jewish suffering. That is a promise I made by joining this people, that my fate would forever be bound up in the collective fate of klal Yisrael. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you stay, I will stay; your people shall be my people, and your G-d my G-d. Where you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. Thus and more may Hashem do to me if anything but death parts me from you.

אַל־תִּפְגְּעִי־בִ֔י לְעׇזְבֵ֖ךְ לָשׁ֣וּב מֵאַחֲרָ֑יִךְ כִּ֠י אֶל־אֲשֶׁ֨ר תֵּלְכִ֜י אֵלֵ֗ךְ וּבַאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּלִ֙ינִי֙ אָלִ֔ין עַמֵּ֣ךְ עַמִּ֔י וֵאלֹהַ֖יִךְ אֱלֹהָֽי׃ בַּאֲשֶׁ֤ר תָּמ֙וּתִי֙ אָמ֔וּת וְשָׁ֖ם אֶקָּבֵ֑ר כֹּה֩ יַעֲשֶׂ֨ה יְהֹוָ֥ה לִי֙ וְכֹ֣ה יוֹסִ֔יף כִּ֣י הַמָּ֔וֶת יַפְרִ֖יד בֵּינִ֥י וּבֵינֵֽךְ׃

[רות א]

I do not take that lightly, and I feel it in my bones. Some core part of me shattered at the same time as the rest of my community.

I cannot, and I will not look away. I will not close my heart or shield myself from this tragedy. And I will not forget.

עַ֥ל נַהֲר֨וֹת ׀ בָּבֶ֗ל שָׁ֣ם יָ֭שַׁבְנוּ גַּם־בָּכִ֑ינוּ בְּ֝זׇכְרֵ֗נוּ אֶת־צִיּֽוֹן׃ עַֽל־עֲרָבִ֥ים בְּתוֹכָ֑הּ תָּ֝לִ֗ינוּ כִּנֹּרוֹתֵֽינוּ׃ כִּ֤י שָׁ֨ם שְֽׁאֵל֪וּנוּ שׁוֹבֵ֡ינוּ דִּבְרֵי־שִׁ֭יר וְתוֹלָלֵ֣ינוּ שִׂמְחָ֑ה שִׁ֥ירוּ לָ֝֗נוּ מִשִּׁ֥יר צִיּֽוֹן׃ אֵ֗יךְ נָשִׁ֥יר אֶת־שִׁיר־יְהֹוָ֑ה עַ֝֗ל אַדְמַ֥ת נֵכָֽר׃ אִֽם־אֶשְׁכָּחֵ֥ךְ יְֽרוּשָׁלָ֗͏ִם תִּשְׁכַּ֥ח יְמִינִֽי׃ תִּדְבַּֽק־לְשׁוֹנִ֨י ׀ לְחִכִּי֮ אִם־לֹ֢א אֶ֫זְכְּרֵ֥כִי אִם־לֹ֣א אַ֭עֲלֶה אֶת־יְרוּשָׁלַ֑͏ִם עַ֝֗ל רֹ֣אשׁ שִׂמְחָתִֽי׃

[תהלים קלז]

#personal post #not trying to claim that I am in any way affected at the level others are #most other people are way more directly affected than me and I don't intend this to take that focus away from them #this is more of a diary post than anything #but I'm posting it anyway because I suspect others feel similarly and I do think it's one (of many) conversations that should be had #ארץ ישראל #jumblr

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crazystargirl · 1 year

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jealous? i don't get jealous! ♥

NONE OF THESE LINKS BELOW ARE UPDATED!

pt. 1 || pt. 2 || pt.3

pairing ♥: spider soccoro x reader, spider soccoro x human!reader, jealous!spider soccoro x reader

word count ♥: 0.6k!

author's note ♥: i'm so sorry this took so long to write, but here is part 2! i took a bit of a hiatus but im back, i'll still be a bit inactive but i promise i'm writing, and currently working on some requests!

When you guys reached the girls, Tuk ran up and gave you both bug hugs.

"Y/n/n!!! I missed you so much!"

"So did I Tuk, hey Kiri!!"

When you got out of Tuk's death grip, you made your way to Kiri and gave her a hug. Spider watched as he gave a hug to Tuk. You came back to him and started to drag him to go greet Neytiri and Jake.

"Y/n/n…do I have to go greet Neytiri?"

"You skxawng!!! Of course you fucking do, for Eywas sake! Honestly Spider I thought you had more manners than this"

Spider looked down at the ground, embarrassed. You notice this and lift his head up, even though you're shorter, to have him look into your eyes.

"Spider…I was joking, but I'm also serious about greeting Neytiri and Jake."

"I know y/n and I'm sorry for trying to avoid it"

Spider gives you a hug and kisses you on the head, you guys stay like that for a bit until you hear a voice.

"Love birdssssss"

You guys hear Tuk purposely drag out the word and pull away, embarrassed. You take Spider’s hand and start to take him to greet Jake and Neytiri. When you guys reach them, you exchange your hellos and you can't help but notice not only Spider is stiff but Neytiri is too. Jake seems to notice this and shrugs at you.

You four stood there in an awkward silence until Tuk comes running up to Neytiri

"Mommmmmm!!! My feet are hurting and Lo’ak keeps annoying me!"

"Lo’ak! Stop bothering your sister and don't worry Tuk, we're leaving soon" Jake says, looking in the direction of the other Sully kids

"Alright since we’re obviously not hiking up there i think how are we gonna get up there?" you asked confused

All at once everyone opened their mouths to speak which caused a jumbled conversation and a very confused you

Neteyam leaned over while everyone was talking and told you that they'd be riding the ikran to get up there.

"Wait if we're riding ikran whose going with who? I know all of yall except Tuk have your own so who will me and Spider be riding with?"

"I can take y/n!" Lo’ak said from out of nowhere

"Alright if you’re taking y/n then Neteyam take Spider…alright yeah let's grab our stuff and go" Jake said looking around

After everyone got their stuff loaded onto the ikrans, you mounted it with the help of Jake since there was no way you'd be able to get on it without some help

"Alright let's hope we can get there before sunset at least"

After not even 5 minutes of flying, you got bored. Lo’ak was fidgeting not making any conversation so unless you were going to yell to talk to Spider, there wasn't anything to do.

"You ok? You're awfully quiet and your fidgeting." you asked Lo’ak after anothef 5 minutes had passed

"Huh? Oh uh yeah I'm fine…just thinking"

"You mind me asking about what?

"Uh ummm"

"HEY Y/N/N!" You both whipped your heads around to see Neteyam and Spider

"What's upp?" you yelled back since it was hard to hear each other over the wind

"You just seem a bit tense! You good?"

"Yeah and so do you spider boy!"

You and Neteyam laugh as Spider sticks his tongue out but of course it hits the exopack

"Ewww spider! You just licked the exopack" you yell, bursting into laughter at his disgusted face

Neteyam watched as you laughed and saw Lo’ak and Spider looking at you with the same kind of happiness.

Oh my Eywa, you were caught in a love triangle and you didn't even know it!

series taglist ♥: @ok-boke, @spiderscrrowife

regular taglist ♥: @xyzstar, @ourloveisgod23, @dizscreams, @kaesworldxx, @bhk1234uwu, @nonniesworld, @athenalive, @lanaslittletwinkie (if your name is crossed out, it's bc it didn't let me tag you)

©crazystargirl 2023 || do NOT copy or repost my work without my permission

#spider soccoro #spider soccoro x reader #spider socorro x reader #spider soccoro x fem!reader #jack champion #jack champion x reader #jack champion x y/n #jack champion fluff #avatar way of water #atwow spider #avatar 2 #atwow #jealous spider soccoro #spider soccoro fluff

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mysticalmallard · 3 months

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Title: Freedom and Florals

Pairing: Clay and Gemma x OC (Katherine Morrow)

Word Count:839

Warnings: none

♥︎ MainMasterlist ♥︎

Clay and Gemma sat at the table, their faces etched with stern determination. Their daughter, Katherine, stood before them, determined to pursue her dream of working at a florist's shop instead of the garage.

"Katherine," Clay began, "the garage is where you belong. It's safe and it's close to the club. We can keep an eye on you there."

"But Dad," Katherine protested, her voice soft but firm. "I want to try something on my own. I love flowers and I have a knack for arranging them. Please let me work at the florist's."

Gemma's expression softened slightly, but she remained resolute. "Katherine, sweetheart, it's a dangerous world out there. The club, the garage, it is a secure place. We can't have you working at a random shop, away from us."

"But Mom," Katherine said, her eyes pleading. "I'm not a little kid anymore. I'm 21, and I can take care of myself. Working at the florists is a reputable job, and I'll be surrounded by beautiful flowers every day. Please, let me have a chance to try it on my own."

Clay leaned back in his chair, a frown etched on his face. "Darlin', it's not about your abilities. We know you can handle yourself. It's about the club and making sure you're safe. The florist's shop is too far away, too out in the open."

"I understand that," Katherine replied, her voice steady. "But I can't stay under your watch forever. I need to spread my own roots and make my own decisions. The florist's shop isn't far; it's just across town. I'll be careful, and I'll always be just a phone call away."

Gemma exchanged a glance with Clay, a hint of worry in her eyes. "Honey, we're not trying to hold you back. We just want to protect you. The world can be a cruel place..."

"I know," Katherine said, her voice softer now. "But I need to experience life on my own. I have to try, Mom. Let me have this chance. If it doesn't work out, I'll come back home and work at the garage, I promise."

Clay sighed heavily, his expression conflicted. "And if something happens, Katherine? If you get in trouble or if someone hurts you? We won't be there to protect you..."

"I'll be careful, Dad." Katherine's eyes shone with determination. "I'll make sure I stay safe. I won't do anything stupid. I just want to prove to myself that I can do this. Please, trust me."

Gemma reached out to take Katherine's hand. "Sweetie, we do trust you. It's the world that we don't trust. We've seen so many horrible things happen, and it's hard to let go." Katherine's face falls at her words guilt ridden she doesn't want her parents to worry.

Clay hates to see her face like that with a heavy sigh, he says, "You will get a ride to and from work by someone from the garage? Hmm?"

A flicker of hope appears on Katherine's face. "Yes, Dad. I promise I'll have someone from the garage drive me to and from work. I won't go anywhere alone."

"Clay you cant be serious? We a agreed the garage would be better" Gemma says not believing what she is hearing.

"I don't like it either, darlin', but we can't keep her locked up like a bird in a cage. She's a grown woman now, and she deserves to forge her own path."

Gemma sighs, knowing that she has been overruled. "Alright, sweetie, you can go to work at the florist shop for a trial period, but we want to have regular check-ups and updates about how you're doing. If anything seems off, or you feel unsafe, you let us know immediately. Understood?"

A bright smile lights up Katherine's face. "Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, I understand. I'll be safe, and I promise to give you updates. Thank you so much, I love you both." She says excitedly, almost bouncing, running up to hug both of them....Clay and Gemma relent, their stern expressions softening as they witness her excitement. They both wrap their arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace.

"Just remember, darlin'," Clay says, his voice gruff but affectionate. "We're always here for you. No matter what."

Gemma nods in agreement, her voice filled with a mix of love and worry. "And you better keep your word, young lady. We want regular check-ins, and if there's even a hint of trouble, we're stepping in, do you hear me?"

"Yes, mom,"

Clay lets out a low chuckle, his arm still around Katherine's shoulders. "You better listen to your mother, darlin. She means business."

•○•○•○•

To read more works with my OC Katherine and some more info on her click here

#sons of anarchy #samcro #sons of anarchy x oc #soa #gemma teller x oc #gemma teller #clay morrow #clay morrow x oc #OC #Katherine Morrow x Samcro

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heavenlyeros · 11 months

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£30 clay creature commissions & 20% discount on a second one

✦ animals !

i only put cats & big cats on the flyer because i love cats, but i have made all sorts of creatures, like sheep, cows, prehistoric animals, dragons, an octopus, birds, frogs, reptiles, bunnies, fish, pokemon, bugs and lots more, and i am always excited to try new things too. although i'm behind on updating it with my new projects, my website has photos of other fun stuff i've made ! i promise it's not all cats

✦ what i can do

your pet, fursona, favourite ffxiv minion, beloved pokemon, rarely depicted special interest, science outreach mascot, tabletop game character, and anything else you love long as it is creature shape (rather than people shape). they can have little accessories and fun details both sculpted and painted, but obviously the scale means these details will be somewhat minimalist for safety's sake (like in examples). they can have patterns and colours painted or i can marble and swirl clay of different colours. i can also texture them to appear fluffy or scaly. i love using shimmery and metallic paints - neat for the festive season! if you are gifting, i can add a little card and/or ribbon to your creature and mail it directly to your giftee.

✦ refs

images of the actual creature you would like me to make you are always neat, but it is okay if you do not have those. a little doodle, a moodboard, a picrew, a detailed description are all very good too, and i will ask for any info i need. or if you only have the vibes and would like me to come up with a design that's neat too.

✦ what i cannot do

because these are small and they must also survive in the mail, i cannot add super fine details like long antennae or thin tentacles. i can still add details like these in, but they will be chubby and short. the tails on the flyer are about as thin as they can go. i am also wary of creatures with very delicate details coming out to the sides from the main bulk of the animal (like wings and antlers) because they have a riskier time in the mail. these will also need to be very chubby in order to be sturdy. where viable, i would prefer creatures to remain on all four legs (like meerkat being long instead of tall) and that they are standing, not sitting. this works best with my sculpting technique, but i am happy to branch out where needed. loafing and splooting creatures are very welcome. because they need to be able to stand, biped creatures have to be extra chubby on the bottom. for this reason i tend to not sculpt legs at all (on birds for example), but i can paint them on where it is an option. if the creature really needs legs they can be sitting instead with their legs in front of them or similar. i will do my best to come up with an idea that works for your creature and still allows them to balance fine ! i prefer mixing clay and getting colour variation that way if the creature is not one colour. for paint, i generally use dark blue or dark brown for darker details, and white for lighter details, with other colours used sparingly where that detail is necessary, like eye colour. i am most comfortable with minimal paint, because it means the finish is much sturdier and will not get damaged with regular handling and play. so patterns like multicolour spots or swirls and accessories like hats and scarves will be a different clay colour rather than painted, most of the time.

✦ about your creature

the animals are about 5cm/2 inches long. wolf & ghostling creatures always have beans and x shaped buttholes and other little details like that where applicable. i make the creatures out of polymer clay (usually fimo) and they are painted with acrylic paint and sealed with glossy acrylic varnish. i also use shimmery and colour changing powders that i mix into the paint sometimes to get metallic, pearlescent, and holographic effects. they are waterproof (just don't scrub them) and they are very sturdy. they can survive falls and even being yeeted across the room by my bastard cat. they are weak to things falling on them and to being squashed. the clay has some flexibility but it will eventually snap under pressure. the finish should not rub away at all with handling, long as you do not scratch it. unless they're super stubby, their legs and tails are built on armatures (wood and wire). this makes them extra sturdy and also quite easy to fix should an accident happen. they are full of love. i adore making them. they bring me so much joy. i hope you will feel the same.

✦ timeframe, shipping, and shop policies

your creature will be finished in 1-4 weeks. it depends on how many i have to make and whether i have the right colour clay on hand or must order it online. i will always aim to work as fast as possible. i do not always complete the first orders i received before later orders - i work on them depending on which one i feel is best for me to tackle at the time so that i am always excited and get the best results. i will contact you with updates if you like, and to ask any questions if something is unclear. i love taking wip photos. once your creature is finished, i will ship it out using royal mail. uk orders are shipped tracked and international orders are shipped standard. if your country has notoriously unreliable post service or you'd just feel safer with a tracking number, please let me know and i can invoice you via paypal to upgrade to tracked shipping for around £6. creatures should arrive to anywhere in the world in 2-3 weeks maximum, but of course i cannot guarantee, and varies by time of year and your local carrier. as these are custom orders there are no returns or refunds. if your creature gets lost in the mail i will do my utmost to sort it out with royal mail but i unfortunately cannot refund you out of pocket as i am barely covering my own costs and offering these so i can afford the most basic of necessities. if your creature arrives damaged please get in touch and i will provide advice on how to fix it or a replacement, depending on circumstances.

please message me on here or on ko-fi if you have any questions at all and thank you for checking out my creature commissions <3

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onyourowndaisymae · 4 months

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𝒃𝒍𝒐𝒈 𝒉𝒐𝒖𝒔𝒆𝒌𝒆𝒆𝒑𝒊𝒏𝒈 - 𝒖𝒑𝒅𝒂𝒕𝒆𝒔, 𝒏𝒆𝒘 𝒕𝒉𝒆𝒎𝒆 & 𝒓𝒖𝒍𝒆𝒔, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒎𝒚 𝒖𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒆𝒅 𝒉𝒊𝒂𝒕𝒖𝒔

hello!

i'm alive. yay! it's certainly been a minute since i've posted anything substantial, and i'm here to rectify that. this post is long. very long. i talk about a lot here-- my absence, my thoughts on obey me nowadays, what i've experienced as a writer on this platform, and updates i'm making to the way this blog looks and runs.if you're interested in catching up but don't have the time or motivation to read all of this, feel free to scroll down to the closing remarks.

☆ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐮𝐬 ☆

so, i will say this unintentional hiatus was caused by three things: my health, my shaky relationship with the obey me franchise, and the growing difficulties of participating in fandom. i'll address all three in that order.

★ 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡 - my health has been shaky practically all of my adult life. i'm getting better about managing it, but even now, being twenty two years old and unable to keep up with my peers is... so exhausting. on my worst days, i am stuck in bed and distracting myself from the pain. the american healthcare system is a doozy that gives me a headache, but just know that i'm working towards proper diagnoses and treatment as fast as i can. i know that pushing myself to write for the sake of a regular posting schedule is ridiculous, so i have no intentions to do that. i will roll with the punches of my shitty health and hope i don't get knock on my ass again, lol.

★ 𝐨𝐛𝐞𝐲 𝐦𝐞 - okay. hater time. i don't really like nightbringer.

i know! i know! hold your rotten tomatoes and let me make these stocks my soapbox for just a minute while i explain! i promise i'm not being a thoughtless critic!

i think the writing for the franchise has been slowly going down in quality for awhile. i'm never going to act like this is the best writing i've ever seen in a video game, but obviously season 1 of the og game was good enough to get us all hooked. the conflicts felt real, the relationships felt earned, and the lore was really interesting. season 2 of the og game has a special place in my heart. the franchise used to be romantic! dark! horny! complex! it feels like in recent months, the game has become so sanitized that it's alienating the same userbase that gave such an odd concept a chance in the first place. season 2 opened with an aphrodesiac plotline, and now we can hardly get a kiss from our love interests. i'm not saying everything needs to be graphic smut, but come on! it's a romance game, damnit! with as many competitors solmare has in the otome market right now, i don't know why they wouldn't be focusing on dynamic and interesting romance.

nightbringer itself is. whooo. a dual-edged sword. on one hand, it turned me into a solomon simp, and clearly i can't get enough of this man. it also had some really touching character moments. asmo's arc about falling and missing how things used to be was fantastic. satan's early development and issues bonding with his brothers were handled really well. but at the same time... these characters have also struggled with flat and rushed writing in this game. satan almost exclusively is just "cat guy with a temper" now. barbatos' character, while nice to finally have romantic storylines, has been butchered for the sake of making sure every romanceable character is marketable early on. characters are saying "i love you" ENTIRELY too fast. i get that this is not the og game and things will obviously be different in this timeline, but at the very least, i expect the writers to handle this stuff with care. i'm disappointed by how one-note everything feels now.

also, while i'm up here on my soapbox, i will also say: i think the events are abysmal nowadays. fucking hell. i am disappointed every time i click on a story portion and read three lines before the screen fades out and it's over! the events used to be low-stakes, interesting ways to explore the characters, but now it's just. disappointing. i think something similar has happened to the devilgrams and the romance that used to be in them, although it's nowhere near as bad.

for all of my bitching and moaning, i still clearly like this game franchise. i'm still going to write for it. but i think it's important to discuss these failings as a community. it helps people feel less alone when their passion begins to wane for something they once loved for seemingly no reason. maybe we can prevent the series from falling apart before its bitter end. it does not make you a "bad fan" to be able to critique something you love-- it means you love it enough to know when it's not at its best.

★ 𝐟𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐦 - at some point, i found i got really intimidated by posting on my own blog. i began to psych myself out with every post, every like, every thing i got excited about. "is this good enough? do i want people to see this?" it's one thing to want to put your best foot forward, but another entirely to try to make every single thing you post perfect in an ill-fated attempt to fend of criticism from yourself of others. it's why i never took up art or music to any serious degree-- why put so much effort into something that's doomed to fail?

and then came the worry about notes and reblogs and followers. fandom should never be a numbers game, and for a lot of people it isn't. but it became a legitimate worry of mine that people would be disappointed if i didn't put out something with universal appeal, and thus, i'd be disappointed myself that i didn't live up to some unspoken expectation. i wanted to start posting for a new fandom, but then i became really worried people would feel "cheated" for following me when they expected one thing and got another.

obviously, this is not a healthy mindset. i needed to take a step back.

how did i resolve this? why didn't i just quit? well, for starters, i took some time to remember why i started posting. i have been writing fanfiction all of my life, usually shared with only a singular person and obsessed about until all of the dopamine was wrung dry from it. bringing it online was a deliberate choice. at first, it was because i was desperate for content for a small fandom (collar x malice, my beloved!) and thought "if nobody's gonna post this, i will!". but then i got into obey me, a much bigger fandom. through posting, i found a larger community of people who loved this piece of media just as fervently as i did. so many people of amazing talents dedicating their time and effort into expressing their love for this hobby. as i did the same, i began to gain a small following. one of my series blew up and gained me praise from some of my absolute favorite people in the fandom-- now, they're my friends who i adore. i began to grow proud of my writing. i'd never been proud like that before. posting on tumblr has proven to me that i'm capable of stepping out of my comfort zone and take the risk to do something, even if i'll fail. that is something i am so thankful for and can never replace.

i won't pretend fandom doesn't have its faults. every time i log on, i can scroll long enough to find something that absolutely exhausts me. labors of love are, at the end of the day, still labor, and work without appreciation is demoralizing. fandom is run by passion, but when there's a drought of people willing to put themselves out there it becomes hard to invest your energy into.

i don't have a perfect solution for this. all i know is that i can also scroll long enough to find a piece of writing or art so breathtaking that it invigorates my creative spirit. or i'll check my notifications and find a comment or reblog that absolutely makes my day. and isn't that worth sticking around a bit longer?

in the future, i'll try to be better about announcing my breaks and also just... pacing myself better. sometimes it'll be a bit until you hear from me. i hope that's okay. know i'll never log off for good without an explanation. i'd like to keep posting my silly little stories for a long time.

☆ 𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠 𝐮𝐩𝐝𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐬 ☆

jesus. that previous section was waaaaay too long. okay. time to lock in.

★ i have a new theme! i used to have a sort of vague space-y theme, but i'm committing to the stars. do you like them? i hope so :3

★ i'm gonna get a bit weirder with the content. part of what has inspired me to keep writing is people coming up with the most off-the-wall, random, interesting ideas that i come back to consistently. that will include some dark content and the themes surrounding it like violence, horror, etc. things here will ALWAYS be tagged as thoroughly as i can. if you're not interested in reading that, no worries! hopefully something else i've written will catch your eye. (and obviously, minors, do not interact with this content. you shouldn't be in here-- my "byf" page has indicated this page is 18+ since the beginning).

★ as a general rule, i've decided that i'm no longer going to take requests. i love the enthusiasm and hearing people's ideas, but ultimately, i never end up doing them. instead, my ask box is always open for post suggestions, conversations, etc. i just don't want the sort of obligation that requests come with hanging out in the background anymore. this is, however, subject to change for special events, like that trick or treat event i did in the past and the fics for gaza event i'm doing currently, so stay tuned!

★ ... despite my in-depth obey me ramblings above, this is a multi-fandom page, lol. i will forever and always give my flowers to collar x malice. i am interested in posting occasional fics here for other fandoms in the general otome genre, so keep an eye out for those.

★ the above rule has been broken by my beloved, twisted wonderland. remember above where i mentioned wanting to post about a new fandom? yeah, it's this one. it became too much of an obsession. the new blog is centered around making night raven college an actual college, as well as just other twst content as well. the username is @daisystwistedgarden. give it a follow if you like that content! i probably won't discuss it much here, as i want the writing to stand on its own, but the pages have very similar layouts. that's me on a sideblog, don't worry :)

★ the masterlists are getting an entire overhaul and will now be organized by character. i procrastinated the hell out of these-- make overhauling the masterlists reason 3.5 for the hiatus. i will queue those up to post overnight sometime this week, so expect those sometime soon.

☆ 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐮𝐭𝐮𝐫𝐞 + 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐬 ☆

if you're here, i want to say thank you. this blog, which originally started on a whim, has really done a lot for me. i love writing (even if i hate all the boring administrative parts of running a blog) and the fact that you people spare the time to read my silly little posts is insane to me. while i was gone, we hit the 2k follower mark (and the 2.1k follower mark, too!) and i'm just. baffled. thank you.

i'm back, i'm ready to write, and i'm excited to see where this takes me. give me a couple of days to fully replace all the old posts with new ones and make everything look right, but after that, i'll be posting again like normal. if you're interested in my twisted wonderland content, follow @daisystwistedgarden, and if you want to support my writing and gaza at the same time, consider donating to my "sponsor a WIP" page here.

once again, thank you for reading, for liking, for reblogging, for following, for hanging out in my ask box-- all of it. it means the world to me that i get to enjoy this slice of the internet with such wonderful people.

talk soon. (for real this time). xx

#in summary: I'M BACK BITCH #that feels good to say #sorry in advance i'm here to be annoying again #this is my blog. i get to be the menace here #blog update #blog updates #blog housekeeping #i don't remember my own damn tagging system. oh well. that's getting overhauled too

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warrior-cats-rewritten · 8 months

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Hey. Semi-Serious post here. I'm gonna be quite frank, this is about the death of a real animal. My animal.

The one I made the dedication of WCR!Into The Wild for. Because the wounds are still so raw that I can barely get through typing this very sentence without feeling choked up. So... If this post isn't for you, enjoy the first cat picture, the rest will be under the cut.

Meet Cleo.

She was my best friend. I moved into her home when I was a child, and her being there got me through the ensuing abusive situation I'd found myself in. I quickly became her favorite person. She was always there for me, and I was always there for her. I read Warriors books to her.

I met someone online that I fell in love with, and planned to have them move here. I worried about Cleo, who was now getting on in her years, but still healthy and strong.

I was granted full, effective ownership of her, since she was never really registered with a breeder. An oopsie, runt of the litter kitten of a genuine bred Maine Coon, unknown father.

Plan fell through, immigrating to Canada is difficult and the economy was about to fall apart. So I made the choice to move to the UK.

I was then informed that I could not take Cleo with me, they said she was too old, and that the plane ride would be too much for her. She was roughly 14/15 years old and, again, healthy. This next part is hard to write.

I spent every day after that, for a year, spending as much time as she wanted with me. She got every cuddle and snuggle she wanted.

I still remember that last time I ever saw her, the night I left the country. I held her like a baby, because she liked that. I remember what the back of her neck smelled like (warm chocolate). I rubbed her belly, and whispered to her that I loved her, and promised to come back again and see her. Then I placed her on her favorite spot on the back of the chair, and left.

I got regular updates from my mom about her, but something was clear. When I was on the phone, I was not to call out to her, because when I did, it made her search the whole house, meowing and calling out for me, looking for me. The dogs never did that, just Cleo.

4 months away from home, she started peeing in... Odd places. Visible places. Like... Middle of the living room and on bathroom rug.

Mind you, she used to do that in front of her litter box as a protest when it wasn't clean enough for her liking. But... Not like that.

Other than that, normal behavior.

Then, about 6 months in, she started being weird with food. Still demanded it, of course, but... Wouldn't eat it. Mind you, there were times when she really was just happy to have the wet food there... And then go off and eat her kibble as if she hadn't just acted like she would die without her wet food. Typical, right?

After a week straight, and not much kibble eaten, it... Was concerning. I offered my mom to cover the cost of any medical bills she would need, but was told to not be 'ridiculous', that she was too old. That she didn't need a vet, that nothing would help.

7 months in. July 7th, 2023. Ordinary day, kinda fun, sunny out, a relaxing day where I wasn't looking at my phone much. My partner gets a text from my mom asking if I am around. I get a call from my mom.

She hadn't eaten in days. She wasn't in her box anymore. She was barely drinking. All her chub was gone, leaving my poor girl at only 5 pounds. A fraction of her weight.

My mom was not calling me to say goodbye. Goodbye had already been said. And I wasn't there.

I asked if my mom could bury her, so at the very least I could have something to visit when I got home.

To get Cleo's body back, it would have cost 200 dollars. She would be cremated, and her ashes not given back either. Gone.

The older woman next to me later said she had never, in all her years, heard a person wail and scream the way I had. I barely remember it, or anything after that. The grief is so bad that I feel chest pains, and my throat will close, I could cry myself hoarse still, just from thinking about her.

On one hand I don't want to feel this way anymore. On the other I feel horrific guilt about that, about wanting to "move on". I hate that term, it needs something new. Moving on isn't forgetting about them, it just means it doesn't hurt as badly anymore, but... What does THAT mean?

Below is the very last picture I have of her.

I'm sorry, Cleo. I'm sorry I couldn't help you. I sorry I wasn't there for you. I'm sorry I broke my promise. And I'm sorry I wasn't there to say goodbye.

I'll never forget you. I'll never love you any less.

It'll be hard to visit home without you in it.

If you read this post, thanks for listening. I'm really struggling with grief processing, even though it's been almost a year. 208 days as of today. She isn't the first I've lost, she won't be the last, but WCR is partially dedicated to her.

I hope you like the pictures of her, knowing how vain she was I'm sure she would enjoy me showing them off.

Bye guys.

#pet loss #pet death #cleo #tw grief #dealing with grief #not doing it well

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lucky-bishop · 11 months

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Alright, to be honest, I've been kind of dreading making this post. I've posted it before and then deleted it, and deleted a whole bunch of drafts. Just. I'm going to talk about taking things in good faith. Please do the same for me.

I am not on hiatus, or taking a break, from writing or fandom. It has been less than a month since I last posted on AO3. And I have received several comments and anonymous messages all along the lines of: do I have anything coming out soon? When will I post again? What am I working on? What's next, what's next, what's next?

I am just a human person who engages in fandom as a hobby. I work full-time (and then some, these days) and I go to the gym and I have friendships to maintain and I have a family that I care about and spend time with and I have other hobbies that I try to dedicate time to as well. And to be honest it's overwhelming and I am flying by the seat of my pants and sometimes I want to do nothing at all but lay on the floor and cry.

I don't think these messages and comments are meant to make me feel bad. I am choosing to take them in good faith, because it's fun to see that people are engaged with my writing! I am so fucking grateful that there is anyone out there in the world who cares that I post anything at all! But a lot of the time it comes of as pressuring.

I don't make promises about deadlines or regular updates or anything for a reason, because I'm just a person. And to be honest, 2023 has been one of the worst goddamn years of my life so far, or at the very least, one of the most stressful. But, I post on here! I talk about my works in progress! You can also find me on Discord (if you're curious about where, I am part of both the Always the Alpha and Stiles Shipping Central servers) talking about this stuff! I do my best to communicate and promote and all that jazz.

So. All this to say, I'm not going anywhere. And I'm happy to get questions about the projects that I'm working on and share about them. I guess I'm just asking that people be mindful that some of these messages may come across as pressure/demanding/entitlement. The reason I didn't answer any of the asks directly (or deleted those responses) is because I'm not saying this to try to make anyone feel bad, but just to explain how some of it has been making me feel. PLEASE, if you have sent me something like this and I didn't respond, do NOT feel bad about it! Like I said, I am SO grateful for having any interaction about my stuff at all, seriously, I mean that from the bottom of my fucking heart.

I love you all so much and I love having fun and being a part of fandom. But I'm also just a person. A little grace would be appreciated 💖

#personal #fandom problems #my writing

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velvet-games · 4 months

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intro post

I'll probably add more to/change this later; I've just needed an intro post for a while, and this is what I could think of. you should probably remind me to update it if this section is still here after like six months lol.

name/pronouns/age/gay shit~

honestly you can call me whatever, but I probably won't know you're talking about me unless you use vel/velvet.

prefer they/it; any pronouns are fine.

I'm probably non-binary I guess.

I'm an adult.

I basically just identify as queer at this point, but I'm like,, vaguely aroace-spec probably? still figuring it out. I'm actually very happy to talk about it more specifically, but I might have to sit you down for an entire day to explain it lol.

what I do/post~

I mostly post fandom stuff, and my original posts include a lot of art + occasional meta. I'm starting write fic too, so that might be a more regular thing in the future :)

other accounts~

@/velvetygames -- explicit nsfw twitter/x account, not very active

@cornerbytes -- old dragon prince account that I will probably revisit when the new season comes out

@/velvet_games -- ao3 account

nsfw~

I post occasional nsfw here (never super explicit; that's saved for my twitter); it'll be tagged #nsft.

fandoms~

current fandom: hazbin hotel

previous fandoms:

hannibal (will always have a very special place in my heart)

arcane (will revisit when the new season comes out)

ofmd (literally so happy this exists; devastated it's not getting a new season)

the dragon prince (will probably revisit when the new season comes out)

good omens

lotr (I also read like 2/3 of the hobbit and will hopefully finish it this summer lmao)

things in media that make me go insane (in a good way)~

friendship

happy endings

cannibalism

(WELL-WRITTEN) romance (THAT RESPECTS THE CHARACTERS AS INDIVIDUALS AS WELL AS WHO THEY ARE IN RELATION TO OTHERS)

surrealism

good visuals (even if everything else is shit; extra points if it's animation)

angst

fake-hating

this one's weird but I love situations where a character is really helpless; I thought I liked whump because I can be borderline sadistic about it sometimes, but whump is really not necessary at all to this concept

religious stuff, mythology, angels specifically for some reason (especially when they're terrifying and/or fallen)

gay people

requests~

you are welcome to send in ideas through comments, DMs, asks, etc., but I can't guarantee I'll draw them. if I don't, it doesn't mean that I don't like your idea; I'm probably just busy or have too many brainworms about a specific thing to draw anything but what's on my mind.

notes~

I randomly get really anxious about feedback on stuff sometimes lol, but I promise I read every single comment/tag and cherish them very deeply <33

also, like/rb spamming is totally fine and welcomed! I know some people don't like it, so I just wanted to make it clear that it's completely cool with me.

mutuals~

for a really long time, this was my pinned post, and it's still true! definitely welcome any interactions from mutuals <3

I do have a problem with randomly ghosting people though; I've been much better with it recently, but please try not to take it personally if I don't respond to DMs quickly. I'm probably just being insane and in my head about it. I'm really sorry.

misc~

this is an account that is purposely removed from my irl stuff; I'm here to have fun and relax on my mostly fandom-oriented blog.

I don't block often since I mostly meet nice people on here, but I am very happy to block accounts that make my experience on this app shitty.

I try to tag triggers when appropriate, but please let me know if you need me to tag anything I haven't.

art for me is just a hobby I use for fun and self-expression, so while I really appreciate concrit, keep in mind that my goal is ultimately to make stuff that makes me happy.

I am also very protective of young artists that get made fun of for being beginners or making unconventional art; you should never assume why someone is making art, and you especially should not assume that they are focused on becoming more skilled or making things that are beautiful to you. if they're not hurting anyone and you're not their target audience, get the fuck out.

I am of the mindset that media is not real, but that your reaction/the things you learn are. liking cannibal media does not make you a cannibal, but seeing bigoted portrayals of minorities can feed your biases (doesn't necessarily mean you can't consume it; does mean its effect on you/others irl should factor into if/how you decide to interact with it).

I'm vaguely fucked in the head. just keep that in mind.

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idontplaytrack · 5 months

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Snowed In? Step Up

Capri Donahue x fem! reader

Warnings: coarse language, mentions / descriptions of labour, delivery, blood, bodily fluids + unplanned, unassisted labour

In which unfavourable weather conditions led to Capri having to step up

“Why the fuck is a snow storm happening right now?” Capri curses.

“You’re telling me.” You seethed, blinking your tears away. Capri took a few deep breaths as she sat herself down beside you, “I’m sorry, I just— I’m worried and I’m…showing it terribly.”

Capri’s just left a message for your midwife, Julie to let her know that your contractions were regular. She could only hope that Julie would respond soon.

A home birth was in your plans. But not with no trained professionals around- that was like a nightmare to you. While you walked around the living room slowly, you heard Capri’s phone go off. “Capri, the roads are blocked right now.”

“Then how can I help her?” Capri’s eyes widened in momentary shock.

“Keep timing her contractions, keep her comfortable…relaxed. Make sure she eats if she feels like eating and stays hydrated. I’ll find a way to get there as soon as possible. My phone is charged so keep me updated and call back if you have questions.”

You were currently stopped at the kitchen island, your forearms keeping you propped up while you stood, a contraction courses through your body. Capri grabs your phone off the coffee table to input that occurrence on the app you had. “Baby, would you want to sit down…for a bit? You’ve been walking around awhile.” She walks up to you from behind, putting pressure onto your lower back since she remembers you mentioning that it was bothering you. You shrug and she just helped you back to the couch anyway, “I’ll get you something to drink, ‘kay? Iced water?”

“Okay.” You agreed, about to shift yourself into another position but were unsure which one so you were now kind of awkward lifting your ass off the couch, pushing yourself up with your palms. “God, it’s so uncomfortable.”

“I bet.” She looked at you, concerned, “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Just promise you won’t leave my side.” You took in a shaky breath. She rubs your arm comfortingly, assuring you that she would never. A contraction comes at this second, picking up in intensity just ever so slightly, but undoubtedly noticeable. You groaned, blindly reaching for something to squeeze in order to divert the pain. Capri’s hand quickly found its way to yours, “You got this, baby. You got this. Breathe, that’s it.”

Over the next few minutes, Capri has convinced you to get some sleep while it was still early in the process. Convince, because you were so uncomfortable you didn’t know what to do with yourself. But she eventually got you into bed and stayed right beside you while you closed your eyes and succumbed to sleep. You had to be lying on your left side, but you slept on the left side of the bed usually and Capri needed to see your face as it was a clear indicator of whether or not you were in pain. So, you were currently asleep on the right side so Capri could keep an eye on you while you rested with a crinkly absorbency sheet beneath you— which you were definitely annoyed by because of the noise it made and how it felt against your skin.

You fell asleep at just about a quarter after 12 in the afternoon, and when you woke up it was two hours later at the snow storm still showed no signs of letting up, igniting an intense sense of panic in you. But your train of thoughts were rudely interrupted by one of the most painful contractions that you'd had since it started about four hours ago. It rips through your body without a warning, eliciting a strained cry from your throat. "Capri, it hurts." You told her, flustered. "I know, honey. I'm sorry." She says while holding onto your hand. "No, call Julie." You sniffled, "Call Julie- my water just broke." You pulled the blanket off your body while Capri grabs her phone off the nightstand and dialled Julie's number while standing by the bed, fighting the urge to pace the room. "Okay, Capri, can I talk to y/n?" She requested. Capri puts her on speaker, and as if on cue, you were yelling in agony. "Capri, it sounds to me like she's going into transition stage."

"So what does that m—" Capri put the phone back to her ear.

"I need you to check her for me. Just give me an estimate, alright?"

"Babe, lie down." She instructed you while still having her phone held between her ear and shoulder, "Julie says I have to check you."

"You'll know when you see it, Capri."

"What?" Capri asks while sliding your shorts off, "Oh—"

"What?" You asked her, terrified.

"You're okay, baby." Capri promised, "Just got a little startled by the blood, I'm sorry."

————

"Six?" Julie confirms.

"Yeah." "And her water's broken already?"

"Yeah, it just did right before I called."

"She's progressing faster than how a first time typically goes, but it's not uncommon." Julie assured, "She has to listen to her body and she will. If she feels like pushing later, just let her. But do not, rush it otherwise her risk of tearing will be high. Call back if things changes, I'm gonna go check outside and see if I can walk over there."

"Walk?"

"I live forty minutes away by foot." Julie confirms.

"Do you have what you need...?"

"I do, but I'll be alone. My assistant's an hour away by car and that's not happening. So, Capri, remember what I said, alright? I'll talk to you again later."

"Okay, alright. Thanks." Capri plugs her phone back in then quickly returned to your side.

"I heard her." You said, "We're gonna have to do this on our own, aren't we?"

"Julie said she's gonna try walking over—"

You shook your head vigorously, "This baby isn't gonna wait. Look at the pace of things— shit!" Standing by the window, you helplessly rested against Capri as she holds you in her embrace, moaning in pain as the contraction continues coursing its way through, "This one— is so- is so long." "You're alright, babe. I've got you, okay. I've got you." You felt like you'd blacked out after admitting that you and Capri were on your own, but then brought back into reality when you felt the trickling of fluids down your thigh. "Oh, my God- the water's still-"

"That's okay, sit down first, baby." She helps you back to the edge of the bed before going to grab a rag to clean up the floor. "Oh, my back. My back. Capri, my back." You called for her tearfully as you were crouched over in pain. She hurries over to you, abandoning the rag on the ground. Knowingly, she went behind you to put pressure on where it hurt in order to counter against it and give you the relief. "Better, babe?"

You hummed in response, giving her a vague yes before she got you to shift yourself some so she could be facing you, and sitting directly in front of you. The rapidly increasing pain was steadily rendering you speechless as you put all your energy into getting through them trying not to burst into tears. Minute after minute crept by, and right now Capri was checking you again. "Eight." She informs you. "Oh my fucking God." You mumbled. She got up, caressed your cheek and pressed a kiss to your lips. "We got this, okay? We're doing just fine right now, baby. You're so strong, my love."

"I did not want it to be like this, Capri." You admitted, finally in tears.

“I understand, baby. I would stop this freaking storm just for you if I could. But I’m right here with you, okay? I’m not gonna leave your side.”

“I know.” You sniffle, swallowing the painful lump in your throat. Unintentionally, you ended up bursting into tears from the most painful contraction. As always, Capri offered you her hand which you quickly squeezed onto, while apologising over and over for hurting her. “I’m alright, honey. Squeeze as hard as you need to.” She promised.

The same thing happens over and over again, throughout the next one hour before an entirely new type of pain occurs, an intense burning was felt, coupled with the feeling of the baby’s head making its way down. Still, you two were alone. About to become a family of three sooner than you knew, but alone. “I need— oh, God— I need to go on the floor.”

“y/n—” She says, but doesn’t stop you because she knew your instincts were kicking in and there was nothing more important than you meeting your own needs right now. So, she calls Julie to update her. And this time, the woman stays on the phone. Also while you relocated yourself onto the floor, Capri caught a glimpse of what was going on down there. “y/n, the head. That’s the head, baby.” Capri remarked quietly, in disbelief.

“I know, I feel it and it fucking burns.” You snapped, a sob getting caught in your throat. Capri moves herself to your upper half, running a comforting hand up and down your back.

“y/n, honey- feel free to push when you feel the next contraction, you hear? Listen to your body and just go for it.” Julie gave you the green light to do so, and you were so relieved because you could not hold it any longer.

“I can?” You gulped.

“Yes, y/n. Your body is ready, just trust it and do what it’s telling you to.” Julie confirms, “The snow seems to be slowing down so I’m gonna try and head to yours now, alright?”

“Okay.” You answered shakily.

“I’ll stay on the line though, don’t worry. You got this, y/n. Breathe and push.”

As if on cue, a contraction wraps around your lower body and you gave in to the urge. “That’s it, baby. That’s it.” Capri soothed, watching you closely, “Breathe, breathe. You need to breathe, okay, love?”

Fresh towels were within reach so Capri absolutely did not need to leave. So were a pair of scissors. But then your scream interrupted her train of thought. You were trying to reposition yourself again so she smoothly grabs two towels from the cupboard next to her and laid it down on the floor as you moved. You’ve decided to sit down, so she sat behind you to keep you steady.

“Did she move?”

“Yeah.” Capri answered.

“Okay, hold her legs back if you can.” Julie ordered.

“Okay.” Capri spoke as she carried out the task, holding a leg of yours back while you held the other one back yourself. You could barely catch a break as another wave of pain hit you barely two minutes later. As you pushed, Capri leaned over your shoulder to take a peek. “You’re doing great, baby. So great.” She praised. Though she hated that she was in charge of it since she couldn’t actually be with you and take care of you the way she’d hoped to. Despite that feeling, she knew she needed to step up. She had to- for your sake and the baby’s. There was no one else here to do that but her.

————

Half an hour later, the doorbell rings. “Capri, it’s Julie.” “I’ll be right back.” Capri kisses your cheek and rushed outside to let Julie in. Seconds later, Capri bursts back into the room with Julie right behind her. “Okay, you’re doing perfectly, y/n. Keep at it, breathe. You’ve learnt this, honey.” Julie immediately got ready and was in front of you while Capri got back to where she was before. This whole process has been a chaotic mess, that went so fast you barely had time to process any of it. So now, your tears were out of pure fear. You were scared, and in pain and completely exposed to a stranger that you were supposed to comfortable with— you were, but you were just so aware of your own state because you were unmedicated, which again, was planned but it was wayyyy too late to regret your choice.

“y/n, the baby’s crowning, y/n.” Julie informs you, “Do you want to feel their hair?”

“What?” You asked confused— you could do that?

“Of course you can if you want to, that’s totally fine and up to you.” Julie confirms and you did, reaching down to feel that tuft of hair. It was a bit of a strange feeling, but it somehow kept you motivated.

“Okay, ow.” You moaned, grabbing onto Capri’s arm as you pushed through this wave of pain, “Ohhh, fuck. Oh, I’m sorry.”

“No, that’s fine, hun. Don’t worry.” The older woman smiled kindly, completely unfazed by the profanity use. “There we go, the head’s out. Just a few more pushes to get past the shoulders, hm?” Julie encouraged.

“We’re so close, baby. Come on.” Capri said softly into your ear. You leaned against her, absolutely spent. “Take a break if you need, don’t rush yourself.” Julie reminds you as you nod. “Can I drink some water?” You asked.

“Of course. I’ll go get you some.” Julie offered, “I’ll just be a second.”

While Julie was gone, you had to push again so you did, but not without a struggle, “Oh, my God!” You cried, “It hurt. That hurt so bad. Shit, I think I— I think I tore.”

“You’ll be okay, baby.” Capri plants a kiss onto your cheek, “You’re alright. That’s normal.”

Julie returned to the room right then, putting the cup with a straw right by your lip so you could drink. “Julie, I- oh, my God. Did I tear?”

She checked, “Just a tad, dearie. I’ll fix you right up later, okay? Don’t you worry about that. Capri, we’re at the shoulders now, would you like to catch your baby?”

“No.” Capri said decisively, “I promised I would stay right here with her.”

Julie nodded, getting herself ready to catch the baby. On your next push, the pain comes to a halt as you felt relief and your baby just sliding out. Julie quickly suctioned the baby’s mouth and rubbed her back, encouraging her to cry. And she did, thank goodness.

“It’s a girl?!” You realised.

“It’s a girl.” Julie confirmed, bundling up the baby in a towel then handed her to you.

“Oh, wow.” Capri gasped softly, “She’s quite a bit smaller than I thought. Hi, sweetie.”

“Damn, we were ready for a boy.” You laughed.

“Seems like the scan wasn’t right.” A smile forms on her face, “I’m so proud of you, my love.” She connects her lips with your own, sharing your first kiss as parents, “So fucking proud of you. You did it.”

Once the afterbirth was smoothly delivered, Julie gave the baby a thorough check and declared her to be in the pink of health. Returning the baby to you, Julie says, “y/n, I’m gonna give you a shot to numb the area so I can stitch you up, alright?”

You nodded, entirely focused on the fragile infant you held protectively in your arms. You felt the pinch of the needle, but nothing else after that. “Can you feel this?”

“I feel pressure, that’s it.”

“Okay, good.” Julie said back, beginning her task of stitching you up. Which you could feel the tugging of, but that was the end of it, luckily. Once that was done, she checked you over and assured you and Capri that you were perfectly okay. “Why am I so shaky now?” You asked, worried. “That’s likely the pain medication I had to give you.” Julie explained, “Capri just hold her- wrap your arms around hers to keep her steady for a bit. You can’t move yet because you can’t feel much of anything on your lower half, but we will move you back onto your bed soon, alright?”

“Okay.” You sniffed, stroking the baby’s cheek with your pinkie finger. “Hi, baby. Hi.”

“Why’s she so cute?” Capri swallowed her tears, “She’s the cutest newborn I’ve ever seen.”

“Congrats, you two.” Julie says while beginning to clean up the area.

“Thanks.” You and Capri told her in sync. After some time, Julie deemed it safe to move you back up so she did that with Capri after putting the baby in the bassinet. And how did they do that? The two of them lifted you off the floor like you weighed nothing, and honestly you were too tired to say anything at all so you just dozed off once your head hit the pillow. Capri stayed awake, answering questions and keeping an eye on the baby. She was very calm. “Have you ladies decided on a name yet?” Julie asked quietly.

“We have. Two of them, but I want y/n to agree to it, too. So is it okay if we wait?”

“Oh, of course. Take your time. I’m gonna go wash some things up then when she wakes up I’ll teach her how to nurse if she wishes to— and then we can help her with a shower.”

“Okay, thanks Julie.”

“No problem. Just doing my job, sweetheart. You did great as well, coaching her through so much of it. Want to consider a career change and join me?” Julie jokes to lighten the mood.

“I think I’m good, thanks.” Capri chuckles, glancing at you for a moment.

“She can expect the stitches to get sore over the next few hours, but you mentioned you have pain meds at home, yes?” Julie talked a little louder now that she and Capri had left the bedroom.

“Just OTC stuff. Will that be effective?”

“They will help, but it won’t completely take the pain away. Depending on how she feels, you can let her doctor know when necessary and she’ll write her a prescription for a stronger medication. But she may not need it because her tear’s a first degree one. Either way, like always, she knows to listen to her body. I know you’re worried about a lot of things right now and understandably so, but take it easy, you will learn with time.”

————

You woke up just under an hour later, perhaps because someone walked into the room to check on you.

“Julie. Hi.” You gave her a crooked smile.

“How do you feel?”

“Weird. Like my insides are all jumbled up.” You admit with a laugh, taking a peek at the sleeping baby in the bassinet next to your bed.

“That’ll get better soon.” Julie tells you, “Do you want to try nursing her?”

“Sure.”

Julie helped you get her from the bassinet then she was handed to you carefully. “You got it?”

“Mhm.” You confirmed. lifting up your shirt while Julie was telling you. As the baby latched onto you, she automatically started to feed. “Does it hurt?”

“No?” You answered.

“That’s good, that means the position is good.” Julie said, “Your breasts might feel very full and painful in the next few days so feeding her regularly will help with that, as long as milk production. But your body will slowly adjust to only make what the baby needs. Warm compresses before feeding and icing them after words will give you relief.”

As Julie was walking you through everything, Capri’s come back into the room. “Hi, you’re awake.” “Hi, babe.” You smiled, eyes dropped slightly. You winced when you felt an uncomfortable sensation as she fed. “That just felt a little uncomfortable, but I’m alright.”

Julie nodded, “Good, she’ll nurse for about ten to fifteen minutes on each side then we’ll let her get back to sleep while you take your shower. Sound good?”

“Yeah, great.” You agree, “I feel disgusting.”

“I’m going to let the three of you have some time alone, but I’ll be back soon.” As Julie exits, Capri got herself settled beside you.

“Aw, look she’s opening her eyes.” Capri coos, watching her adoringly.

“Oh, her eyes are gorgeous.” You sniffled, “My God, why am I so emotional?”

“Go easy on yourself, you just gave birth. Those hormones are gonna take awhile to settle.” Capri brushes the hair out of your eyes. “Her lips look like yours.” She pointed out, “Look at that.”

“I won’t lie to you, this is such a strange feeling.” You revealed.

“I can tell.” Capri says nonchalantly, “Your not in pain are you?”

“Where?” You ask playfully, “Because my insides currently feel like their playing a game trying to fix themselves into position but the wrong ones. I can’t feel my lower half fully yet and she is tickling my nipples.”

“Sorry.” She giggles, leaning her head onto your shoulder briefly.

“Maybe we should think of a name.” You brought up.

“Sure. What do you have in mind?”

“Genevieve?”

Capri was surprised that she actually liked it immediately, “That’s nice. How about Imelda for a middle name? I uh, looked up some names while you were asleep and this means: all-consuming fight.”

“Oh.” Your eyes flicked at her for a moment while you carefully moved the baby and let her nurse on the other side. “Wow, that’s…okay, that is very on the nose…but I’m surprised you like it?”

“Hey, you surprise me and I surprise you. That seems to be an ongoing thing, baby.”

You raised your brows, as a way of agreeing with her statement, “That’s perfect.”

And so…

Genevieve Imelda y/l/n-Donahue. 6 pounds, 7oz. 18inches in height.

“She’s tiny.” Capri says. “I know, honey.” You laughed a little, pulling your shirt down again once Genevieve’s shown no interest of eating anymore. “You wanna hold her?” You ask.

“Yeah, of course.” Capri nodded eagerly and you slowly handed the sleepy baby to her.

“You sure caused your mother a great deal of pain today, baby.” Capri says while watching her open her eyes again, “Oh, but you’re so cute. y/n, she’s perfect.”

“Thank you for stepping up. I know things didn’t go the way we wanted it to, and it was hard…but I’m so happy.”

“Hey, I’ve got my girls with me now. I’m on cloud nine, my love. You fucking amaze me.”

“Language.” You chided joking.

“Ah, it’ll be awhile before she understands either of us even slightly.” Capri purses her lips together, trying to stop laughing. “I love you. So damn much.”

Capri just admired you and Genevieve with eyes full of love and pride. As unkempt as you may seemed, she’s never felt so much love and respect for you. She feels herself falling in love with you all over again, feeling like the luckiest person alive to have you to share her life with. Now, a new addition who she’ll protect with all that she’s got. “What? What’s wrong?” You asked her, feeling her gaze on you after awhile.

“I just love you so much. I can’t believe we finally have a baby of our own.”

#auli’i cravalho #capri donahue #darby and the dead #reader insert #x reader #female reader #lgbtqia #wlw #queer #wlw fanfic #pregnancy fic #sfw fic

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asterekmess · 1 year

Text

A Bit of a Conundrum

I've been waffling about this for a long time, and as I've already vented about it to my discord, I wanted to open it up to a possibly larger audience of my readers. And also complain about it more. XD I write. A lot. I have. A LOT of writing. We're talking like more than 2 dozen wips sitting in my google docs, some with 14k, some with 114k words in them. Some with a specific ending in mind, some with no plot beyond what's already written. Fuck dude, some aren't even Sterek/TW! I was fortunate enough to have someone go on my ko-fi and do a monthly donation to me for a few months. They stopped, which I'll never be mad at, but having them there at all, having someone say "I'd like to support your writing just for the sake of supporting it" meant a huge amount to me, and it made me think about all of my wips.

I don't post often, or regularly, or..well at all, for months and months at a time. This is because I almost only ever post fics when they're done. it's a personal rule of mine, and not one I used to follow when i first started writing fic. It's one I came up with shortly after finishing "Wanted" bc I felt terrible and pressured when I had to take breaks during that fic and when I couldn't keep up with a regular schedule for people. And for a long time it was a good rule for me. It helped me not to feel pressured or overwhelmed by the worry of abandoning a project on ao3 and getting bombarded with comments asking where the next chapter is. But as I've continued writing over the years, my wips have gotten more numerous, while my posted work continues to trickle in. I'm a chronic long-fic writer (though my currently posted fics don't reflect that), which means it takes way more time for me to finish a fic than it does for me to get distracted coming up with a NEW idea for a fic. It's hard to finish work. But that doesn't mean I don't love my wips. They're incredible. Some of them contain some of the best stuff I feel I've ever written. Poignant words and phrases and meaningful moments. And looking around at them, I realized that anyone who goes to support me on my ko-fi, or considers following me on Ao3, or even just subscribes to a series, isn't really getting to see what I"m actually doing. They see a fic posted every 9 months, or every year. There's no real indication that anything they do is helping me regularly, that they're even supporting a Current Active writer. In light of that, I've been considering starting to post wips of mine. The problems with that are numerous and a bit overwhelming, hence wanting to hear others' opinions and vent about it ad nauseum. I've got lots of wips, and if I were to start posting them, I wouldn't want to toss the whole wip out at once. But posting a chapter at a time every few days or even once a week, while it would mean a lot of content coming out, it would be a lot of content that I haven't finished. Cliffhanger chapters, and unfinished stories that I can't promise would ever be finished. And I know I don't owe my readers anything, but it's still unsatisfying to post something without an ending. Then there's the absolute overload of possibly too Much content for people. Getting an e-mail every other day about a new chapter for a fic you've no interest in reading isn't fun. And on top of all that, is the editing. Often when I'm struggling with a fic, I find that i need to go back and change the beginning. In honesty, part of why I wait to post until I'm finished with fics is bc semi-regularly I'll get to the end of a fic, go back to the beginning and edit it all over again to make it more cohesive. To me there is no such thing as a 'finished' chapter. only a finished fic. If I posted as I wrote, then I'd either not be able to go back and edit chapters, or if I DID go back and edit my chapters, they would then need updated, and people who'd read the first 4 chapters of something would end up needing to reread the fic to get the full sense of what I'm doing. But at the same time, posting my wips would mean finally getting to share some stuff that's been gathering dust for years in some cases, finally getting to see people's reactions to them. Finally getting to know that even if I don't end up finishing it, at least people can enjoy what's already been written. And of course, finally getting to show people that when they support me through donations or comments or what-have-you, they're supporting an Active writer, supporting work being made every day, even if it's not FINISHED every day. All of these things are stuff I'm trying to take into consideration, and it's been a hell of a struggle. Plus, as I'm unfortunately trying to manage doing a part-time job rn, just getting up the energy for this stuff is a big BIG task.

If you've got any thoughts or strategic ideas, I'd love to hear them. If not, s'all good, I mostly just wanted to vent. XD

#personal #rant #writing talk #fic talk #personal writing promotion

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