#no one's gonna notice or care that i edited that sentence slightly so it flows better

[dragonbleps]

I'll say i "finished" a story and then continue to slightly edit the wording for weeks afterwards

[smellsfaintlyofvanilla]

author-chan!! can i have angst of annie leonhardt' s/o leaving her after she confesses that she's the female titan:(((

also i wish you luck with your blog ٩( ᐛ )و

tHIS HURT ME TO WRITE, ANNIE DESERVES HAPPINESS!

On another note though, thank you! I’m having fun so far ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Oh, and to preface, this turned out a lot more angsty and violent than I had sort of planned in my head, so if you want something changed, I can easily go back and edit it.

Monster

(Annie Leonhart x Reader)

AU: Canon

Warnings: Slight violence, season 3 spoilers

Category: Angst

Summary: After finding out she is the Female Titan, Annie’s s/o leaves her, leaving her heartbroken and angry.

Words: 2.0K

The most recent scouting expedition was an absolute disaster.

You thought things were going well. One of your first scouting missions, and you had made it far into titan territory without much trouble.

But then, she appeared.

An abnormal for sure. Shown to be fast and agile, plus very intelligent, the Scouts stood no chance. She mindlessly ripped through your comrades in search of Eren, pushing all the way up to the forest, and wiping out almost all of the Levi squad.

Luckily, you were able to make it out of the mission relatively unscathed, physically anyway. Mentally, you were a mess. The experience messed you up for sure, you had never been more terrified of a titan before then. The fear of death that she instilled in you had shaken you to your core, and as soon as you were allowed to leave, you ran to the interior to find solace in your girlfriend, Annie.

Sneaking into the military police dormitories, as you had done many times before, you quietly pushed to the door open, poking your head in in search of the blonde.

You found her alone in bed, staring at the ceiling wordlessly. Her roommate, Hitch, was strangely absent. You wondered if she was getting ready for bed. It was a bit early, as the sun had just began to set, but you figured she may have just been tired.

She didn’t seem to notice you at first, which was unnatural of the usually extremely observant soldier. Still you paid no mind to it, calling out her name.

“Annie?”

She turned to face you, and a small smile graced her lips. But something was very off about it. The smile looked so... pained. Not fake, but pained. Like it hurt her just to smile.

“Can I come in?” You asked, just out of courtesy, since she looked like she had something on her mind.

She nodded, sitting up in her bed and patting the space next to her.

You climbed onto her bed, and the two of your shared a chaste kiss before you hugged her, burying your head in her shoulder. You inhaled slowly, taking in her calming, slightly sweet scent.

“I missed you...” You muttered.

She chuckled just a little, before wrapping her arms around you and falling backwards, pulling you with her so you were tucked into her side. “I missed you too...”

You snuggled closer into her chest, taking deep, relaxed breaths for the first time in days.

You laid in comfortable silence for a few minutes, before you finally started to talk about what had really been bugging you.

“The scouting mission was a disaster.” You said, slightly muffled into her chest. You could’ve swore you felt her breathing hitch and her muscles tense up at the mention of it.

You pulled your head out of her chest, not even waiting for her to beckon you to continue, deciding to keep talking anyway.

“There was this huge abnormal, and she was faster and smarter than any one I’ve ever seen before!” You cried out, not even bothering you control your voice. You needed this experience off of your chest as soon as possible. “She killed so many Scouts! I saw it all with my own two eyes, I thought for sure I was gonna die!” Tears formed in your eyes as you recounted the experience, images flashing through your head and screams ringing in your ears.

Your hands covered your eyes, eyes squeezing shut so tightly that bright colors seemed to flash over your vision as your eyebrows furrowed. Quiet sobs and sniffles escaped your lips.

After a moment, you realized Annie still hadn’t moved an inch. The Annie you know would’ve been shushing your cries and petting your hair, as she’s done so many times before, but right now, she didn’t move a muscle.

Your eyes fluttered wide open, and you bit your bottom lip to suppress your sobs. You shakily moved your head up to look at her. She was completely frozen, even her breathing had stopped momentarily, as she stared at the wall with wide, unmoving eyes. Her expression looked so mortified.

You gasped out loud as it finally clicked, your hands moving from your ears to cover your mouth, and your pure shock immediately stopped the flowing tears. All the pieces fell into place in your mind at once.

The expression on her face was recognizable anywhere. God, how did you not notice it before?!

Guilt.

Confused and panicked, you sat up and scampered to the opposite side of the bed, still in disbelief.

“A... Annie?” Your whisper was barely audible, but compared to the tense stillness of the room, she heard you perfectly. “Tell me it isn’t true...”

You had ignored it. You didn’t want to think about any of it. You didn’t want to think about how similar the female titan looked to her, or how the female titan had the same martial arts technique as her, or how strange she had been acting lately, especially now after the attack. You still clung to hope that, maybe, just maybe, you were wrong.

She finally sucked in a breath harshly through her clenched teeth, lowering her head in shame and hiding her eyes from yours.

“I...” She whispered. The tone in her voice almost made you pity her. She sounded so sad, like a kicked puppy. The furrow in your brow softened, but you remained on guard until she finished her sentence.

“I’m so sorry... Y/n...”

At that moment, you felt a switch flip in your mind. This was no longer the Annie you knew. She wasn’t the Annie that would lean on you silently during mealtimes, or the Annie that would kiss you on the forehead when you woke up together, or the Annie that smiled lovingly whenever you told her that you loved her.

No, not anymore. This was a monster. She was a monster.

Burning rage and heartbreak coursed through your veins, taking over your body as you lost any control you may have had. She didn’t need to try to apologize. She didn’t deserve forgiveness.

You grabbed her by the shoulders, and before she even had the chance to react, you tackled her off of the bed and onto the creaky wooden floors of the dorm, landing on top of her with a loud thud.

She shut her eyes and winced in pain for a moment, but she opened them to look at you. As soon as her eyes met yours, you saw them widen with fear. Not fear for her safety, she could easily beat you in a fight if she wanted to. No, this fear was different, it was something she had feared since she first started to fall for you. And right now, it seems that fear was becoming reality.

“WHY?!” You screamed, still hovering over her. Despite your anger, your face appeared distraught, tears falling from your eyes and onto her cheeks. The tears she usually wiped away endearingly were now flowing from your eyes, and it was all because of her.

“This whole time, you pretended to love me, while you were really just our enemy? Do you have any idea how many died because of you?! What are you doing this for?! WHY, ANNIE, WHY?!”

Tears fell from Annie’s eyes as she struggled to form a coherent sentence.

You remained on top of her, waiting impatiently for an answer. “Well?!”

“I... Y/N please... I’m sorr-” Her sentence was cut off as you raised your fist and struck her in the nose with all your might. Her head flung to the side, blood already spurting from her face.

“Don’t give me that sorry bullshit! You aren’t sorry at all! You just want to save your hide!”

You sat up from your previous position, but your knees stayed grounded on the floor to either side of her. You stared at her, your expression broken and unremorseful.

“You’re a traitor...” Your voice dropped to a solemnly low pitch, and a pained, almost hysterical laugh ripped through your throat. You calmed down within moments, however, and stared into her eyes. If looks could kill right now, she would be dead on the floor in an instant.

“You stood there with us and swore to fight against the titans... and then you went on to kill your own comrades... do you feel no remorse?” You shook your head, looking away as if she didn’t even deserve your acknowledgement. “You never deserved to wear the uniform. You should never have joined the ranks.”

You stood up, heading for the door. You turned to look at her once again, only to see that she hadn’t moved an inch, her head still facing to the side, looking away from you.

“Tch.” You turned around, twisting the doorknob and pushing the door open slowly.

“I can’t believe I thought I loved you,” You took a step out of the door. “You monster.”

---

Annie panted in front of the mirror, gripping the sides of the porcelain for support. The blood still leaked from her nose, the metallic taste making its way into her mouth and coating her tongue.

She looked at the mirror, and a stranger stared back. A stranger whose faced was still stained with tears. A stranger who was afraid. A stranger who, deep down, ached for her lover to return.

She should’ve known. Hell, Reiner warned her several times.

“I know you care about her, Annie, but you can’t get attached to, let alone involved with Y/N. It sacrifices the integrity of our mission as warriors.”

She winced at the memory, closing her eyes and trying to block it out. Still, his words wrapped itself around her brain.

“Besides, you know it well. We’re sinners, Annie. Monsters. We have a duty to serve, but that’s it. People will hate us simply for being born into this program, for inheriting our titans. Y/N is no different.”

She stared back into the mirror. The stranger who looked back had really believed that she could do it. That Y/N wouldn’t hate her when she inevitably found out her secret. How foolish, believing that she could be forgiven.

A sudden rush of anger and frustration washed over her, and her hand left the sink and struck the mirror in front of her. The reflection shattered, and the glass fell to the ground.

She didn’t bother to wash the blood off of her hand, or even pick the tiny shards of glass out of her hand before she punched the empty wall where the mirror used to be.

*POW*

She knew it, she always knew it, years before even being given her orders.

*POW*

Of course she knew it, how could she not?

*POW*

But she didn’t want to be reminded of it.

*POW*

She didn’t even want to think about it.

*POW*

She didn’t want it to be told to her face like that.

*POW*

And especially not by her.

*POW*

No matter how she faced it, she was just...

...

A monster.

---

She huffed in the midnight air as she ran, holding her limp right hand. It wouldn’t take a genius to look at it and tell immediately that she had shattered many of the bones in her fingers, but that didn’t matter right now. You knew her secret, and it wouldn’t be much time before you told the others.

She ran as fast as she could, skidding to a halt in front of the cabin that she unfortunately knew all too well.

---

Reiner awoke with a start, a painful sensation covering his chest. As he opened his eyes slowly, the blurry silhouette in front of him delivered another swift kick to his ribs. He groaned painfully as the silhouette began to clear.

“Annie?” Confusion and fatigue laced his speech heavily. Across the room, Bertholdt began to stir awake.

“Reiner,” She spoke. His eyes widened as he gazed into her eyes. The icy blue orbs appeared as though no one was behind them. She looked broken, as if a painful realization had shattered her entire world. “Get up. Now.”

“Huh?” He sat up, noticing her battered and bruised hand, only heightening his confusion.

“We’re going to go get Eren.” She spoke, an eerie monotony to her voice.

“Whether you like it or not,” She continued. “This mission ends today.”

SAAHFKSJHLDFSKHACKJH I NEVER WANT TO WRITE ANNIE IN PAIN AGAIN I FEEL SO BAD AAAAAAAAAAA

also, i put so much effort into this, but it feels really bad for some reason :|

Also I couldn’t write Annie punching the wall without comparing her to a Kyle™ lol.

Well, still, I hope you enjoyed it! Let me know if I should change anything.

[alias-levi]

Novel Prep Tag

Big thanks go out to @keen2meecha for the tag! This one took me for ever to fill out but I eventually managed. Also, to save you from scrolling for 30 minutes, I set the cut. I warned you.

First Look

1. Describe your novel in 1-2 sentences

Two hitmen, who learned to keep business and private life separate, happen to meet each other more often than not. Jumping over their own shadows, they get used to each other and things seem to get less work-related.

2. How long do you plan for your novel to be?

That’s hard bc I have no plan right now. I’m trying to push myself to a chapter length of, like, 3k-5k; and aim for a number of 20 chapters maybe. So we’ll end up somewhere between 60k and 100k.

3. What’s your novel’s aesthetic?

A rainy night in a big city. The asphalt is illuminated by traffic lights and neon signs. The air is filled with the sounds of traffic and cars.

But also a quiet house in the middle of nowhere. Two people co-existing, not talking much rather speaking through the music that fills the house.

Additionally, killing. Throwing hands until an arm is wrapped around the target’s neck to suffocate them. Or exhaling, calming the heartbeat as much as possible before gently pulling the trigger. Splattering blood over the walls.

4. What other stories have inspired your novel?

Definitely the John Wick Universe and the Hitman Universe (which I initially got the idea from). My WIP currently takes place in the John Wick Universe but I try to distance it through the second draft/editing phase.

5. Three images that get the feel of your novel

Main Characters

6. Who is your protagonist?

Yrsa Agnarsdóttir. She is from Iceland and in her mid-twenties. Also she works as hitwoman. (For more info check out her OC Intro.)

Alexej Kznetsov. He is from Poland and in his late-twenties. He also works as a hitman. (For more info check out his OC Intro.)

7. Who is their closest ally?

There isn’t really a space for allies in their lives, since both, Yrsa and Alexej, spend most of their time travelling and working (alone).

However, for Yrsa there is still her family and her best friend who have her back. Though, they don’t know about her real profession. In later chapters Alexej joins this list.

Alexej, on the other hand, can’t relie on his (biological) family. Also friends are not really his cup of tea. So, there’s way to go for him.

8. Who is their enemy?

Enemies aren’t really a thing in this story but much rather I’d call it competition/rivals.

If the job offer for a hitman is not exclusive but public, it’s first come forst serve. The first person to show up and get the job done is the one who gets paid. Everyone else to show up after that gets left out in the cold.

9. What do they want more than anything?

Alexej? Probably just for Yrsa to shut up and calm down for once.

Yrsa? I have no idea yet. Maybe Alexej to loosen up a bit.

10. Why can’t they have it?

She doesn’t care. As simple as that. Yrsa doesn’t care about what people (other than her really close friends and family) think about her. But for Alexej? Maybe. Some day.

Alexej is way too reserved. He needs his time to get used to Yrsa, and her lively nature, before he can shake off the stiffness.

11. What do they wrongly believe about themselves?

Alexej feels guilty for his younger brother’s death. He had promised him that he would always protect him. Realizing that he should have been there and save him from the fire, had broken something deep within Alexej.

12. Draw your character

I’m sorry, I won’t make you suffer like that.

13. What is the worst thing that could happen to your protagonist?

For Yrsa it would be a family member dying (natural cause) or getting hurt (due to her job). She keeps them very close and loves them dearly. Also a friend, like Einar, dying because of whatever reason would really throw her off the track.

Alexej is less easy thrown off the track. He is quick to close his heart and shut down feelings. Something as shallow as a friend getting hurt or dying wouldn’t be that much of a deal. Also “friends” is a term that he doesn’t usually use to describe anybody. 

Therefore, it must be something that hit really close to home for Alexej. Maybe visiting his parents and realizing that they didn’t change at all in all those years he had been gone. Bonus points if they also blame him for his brother’s death, like he himself already does.

Yes, yes I’m hinting at a chapter throughout the book here. Thanks for noticing lmao

Plot Points

14. What secret will be revealed that changes the course of the story?

Uhh... None, actually? This story is just about watching two people get used to the presence of someone else for the first time in a while. Also about seeing them become closer and, uh, dip into a romantic relationship.

15. Do you know how it ends?

Yes, and I plan on making a second part.

16. What is the theme?

The working title is a quote I read online and I think it’s from the Hitman video games or one of the movies.

“We determine who we are by what we do” obviously states that our destiny is in our own hands. What we do, how we act, is how we are. Everything we do has an impact on our future, and it’s up to us to control this.

But this story is also about the things we are forced to do to survive. Sometimes we can’t chose “what we do” and therefore it has less of an impact on us.

17. What is a recurring symbol?

Fighting, I guess. But also relaxing and coming down from the highs in very particular and private places.

18. Where is the story set?

As for the time We determine […] takes place in the modern world, like ours. Regarding a place it’s set all over the world, since both characters travel a lot. Though, there are recurring locations, like Yrsa’s house in Iceland.

19. Do you have images and scenes in mind already?

I’m still plotting and outlining but also started the first draft and make a lot of things up as I go. But I do have the major/key events, drafted and designed to the last detail, in my head already.

20. What excited you about this story?

I guess it was attempting to write something slow, where the characters need to grow before they’re ready to get involved in the relationship. I have never written something like that before so I see this as a bit of a challenge.

Also I haven’t really written anything for a long while. Especially anything longer. That also made me decide to officially pick up on this.

21. What is your usual writing method? 

After vaguely making things up in my head while watching movies or series, I write that down slightly more detailed in an app where I can already structure everything and easily change stuff. Then, when I actually start typing things out, the real creative flow starts and I feed everything into a Google Doc or Word Doc.

Uh, I’m just gonna tag a bunch of people. I don’t know whether all of you have a WIP you work on but if you feel like doing it, here you go!

@liz-pooh @yogurt-writing @anxious-bean-writing @aelenko​ (but I think you got tagged already)

[peanutbutteriscreamy]

You Can!

———

A/N: i didn’t really edit this also no prologue have fun

warnings: cancer (specifically chronic lymphocytic leukemia)

summary: it always gets worse, but can it get better for a change?~

a fic where Dan has an illness that he had hoped no one found out about, until it acted up in gym. then starts the school fundraiser for his treatments that he refuses to take, and a cute boy by the name of Phil convincing him to continue on.

——-

It’s bright. Not as bright as the blue and white walls of the hospital rooms, but bright enough. And he hates it. Maybe it’ll be fun, said the nurses and his doctors, maybe you’ll meet new people, said his parents. But he just hates it because the beige, bright walls and lights hurt his eyes.

He’s walking, too. Dan hasn’t done that in a while. And he feels small, like a bud amongst tall, smelly kids.

Dan doesn’t even realize he’s hit something until his fragile body crumbles to the ground, wincing as all his weight falls onto his foot. His eyes open after a second, not even registering the person in front of him.

He’s scared. Dan’s eyes travel the halls for a few seconds, panic settles, and suddenly he can’t breathe. Like, his lungs stop all function and he can’t breathe. No one’s even paying attention, but he feels as if all eyes are on him.

Soon enough strong hands grab his shoulders and shake him, and he flinches. That’s when Dan finally looks.

Hot, is the first word that pops into his idiot brain the second he sees the cute boy shaking him.

“Hey, are you alright? What’s wrong? Come on, breath with me. In, out.” The boy says, a concerned look on his face. Dan’s just nodding, not even listening. But after a long few seconds he scrambles for his bag, gasping for air as he grabs one of his several inhalers and takes a couple puffs.

The boy watches, slightly stunned at Dan’s sudden movement. When Dan finally starts to breathe somewhat normally, he says, like an intelligent person, “Hi.”

Dan wants to hit himself.

Instead the boy just laughs, lifts Dan, and replies, “Hey. Im Phil.”

“Phil- I mean hi- I mean, fuck, Dan. I’m Dan. Yep, that’s me.”

He wants to cry.

“So uh-“

“Do you-“

“Sorry what?”

“Need help with that?”

They stumble over sentences, both of their faces a bright shade of red. Dan stares, coughs a bit, then Phil laughs.

The boy throws his head back, his eyes crinkle at the corners, and he gives a slightly crooked smile as he laughs.

And all Dan does is flinch. And he feels terrible for it. Because the moment he does, Phil’s eyes go wide and he suddenly stops laughing at their situation.

“Oh my god, I’m sorry, did I make you uncomfortable? Here I’ll just-“

“No it’s fine you don’t have to-“, Dan’s cut short as they both lean down to grab Dan’s bag and their heads bump. It hurts, and he flinches again. All Phil does is rapidly apologize and offer to get him some ice from the nurse as he fumbles with Dan’s bag.

His stomach starts to feel funny with Phil, in a way. Seeing his awkward and sorry state makes Dan giggle, then it turns into a light laugh. That gets Phil’s attention, and after a second a smile spreads on his face and his cheeks turn a shade of pink again.

Dan takes his bag, slides it onto his shoulders, slaps his hand on Phil’s arm and squeezes it lightly.

“I like you. You seem like a good friend.” Dan says meekly, “Was that a bit bold? I’m sorry. I’m not good at this.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m not very good at it either. But yeah, you wanna have lunch together?” Phil says, and Dan laughs at the clearly intended boldness.

“Sure! I’ll find you there.”

“Nah, I’m walking you to class. Then we can say our goodbyes.”

“Oh it’s ok, I can find it, really-“

“Come on. I insist.”

“Ah, I suppose then.”

They walk for a bit, mostly in a slightly awkward silence, but a few corners from his class they start talking.

“Hey, won’t you be late to your class?”

“I’m late to them anyway. Always gotta run around this bloody place.”

Dan chuckles at that. They round the last turn to his class and he looks down at his feet as he walks, a smile and a blush on his face. He’s holding his breath a bit, having not used his machine for a while.

Phil says a small see you later, and for some reason Dan decides to give him an awkward side hug before he walks into the classroom.

He isn’t late, people don’t stare at him, but a few give him weird looks when he flings himself into a desk and the chair screeches on the dirty floors. Everyone looks away after a quick glance, going back to reading or talking or playing on their phones, whatever normal kids do before class, Dan thinks.

And he hasn’t breathed in a while. He’s sure his face might be red from the lack of oxygen, and he’s damn sure that he might pass out if he doesn’t do it quickly.

Dan stares at his bag and thinks about what’s in it. For one thing, people could find out. And he really doesn’t want that. Now others would think that if you had such a condition as Chronic Lymphocytic Leukemia, you’d like others to know so that they aren’t rough or anything, and they know not to be offensive.

But he doesn’t want that. He doesn’t want sympathy, he doesn’t want to be the sick kid. The cancer kid. He doesn’t want to be known for that.

Yet he’s doing it. Of course Dan checked first, to make sure no one was looking. He unzipped his back pack, quickly got the flow going, then pulled his hoodie over his head and leaned down. Dan put the nasal cannula on, then waited a few seconds before breathing in. He let out a sigh of relief, smiling slightly as he concentrated on controlling his breathing rhythm.

“What’re you doing down their, drugs mate?”

He jumped, dropping his bag and scrambling to throw the tubes into the pocket, turning off the machine before zipping it quickly. Dan looked up, embarrassed and slightly scared. The girl standing over him stared at him for a second before her face softened and it looked like she felt bad.

“Oh my god, are you...?”

“No! No, no, I am not doing drugs I swear!” Dan whisper shouted as the girl sat down in the desk next to him.

“I know! Calm down. Did you have a breathing machine in there?”, The curly haired girl whispered back.

“I- what? No! Definitely not a ‘breathing machine’. Or anything that helps me breathe. Asthma! I have inhalers, that’s what you saw.” He rambled, watching as her features grew more concerned. She quickly shook it off though, and smiled as if they didn’t just have that conversation.

“I’m sorry, let’s restart. Hey! I’m Carrie. You must be new here, how’s it been?”

Dan was still, his head tilted as he stared at her. He held his hand out after a bit, grinning.

“Daniel, Dan for short. And it’s been ok so far. Only been here since yesterday though.”

Carrie shook his hand then put a strand of curly blond hair behind her ear, showing her teeth.

“Well why don’t you sit with me at lunch today?”

“I can’t, I’m sorry, I’m sitting with Phil. I don’t know if you know him.”

Her face feel, but she redeemed herself quickly. Dan’s smile faltered slightly, and immediately questions ran through his mind like a film roll. But he’d just met her, he wasn’t gonna screw this up.

“So, Carrie. How long have you been at this school?”

She seems relieved by his change in topic, and her smile blooms back.

“A couple years. Like, six? A while actually.”

“Oh wow. That’s a long time.” It’s Dan’s turn to falter, his mind turning to think about the hospital, and how long he’s spent in there.

Carrie definitely notices, but she doesn’t question him about it, and he’s grateful.

“Let me get you caught up on this class.” She nudges his shoulder, slightly rougher than he minds, but he doesn’t care. Dan rubs his shoulder and grins at her,

“Sounds like a plan. Start talking.”

——————

They talk about Shakespeare for a while, and the day goes by fast after that. Lunch feels speedy, and Phil acts all too kind for a normal human being. Gym hurts, as expected. And he’s been told to join the band, as he was playing piano and messing with the drums when he was caught on his free period. Needless to say, Dan’s questioning his sanity by the time he’s gone to wait for his mum to pick him up.

He picks up one of his many sanitizer bottles from his back pack and squeezes a glob onto his hand. He’s just about to start rubbing it on his arms and hands when he feels a hand on his neck, and he turns so throw the glob at whoever it was.

Turns out to be Phil, and he had thrown hand sanitizer all over his glasses and mouth.

“Whoops.” Dan mumbles, then Phil grimaces as he opens his mouth to speak, instead the stinging taste of the sanitizer gets in his mouth.

Dan laughs, and he doesn’t even apologize. He thought it was funny, and after Phil was done digging all the sanitizer out of his mouth with the end of his shirt, he laughs as well. They look like maniacs, laughing hysterically and leaning on each other.

It’s mostly Dan, but Phil’s in on it too.

Phil looks disappointed when Dan’s mum shows up, cutting Phil off again and honking her horn at Dan.

Dan laughs again, and without any words he pulls the straps of his bag over his shoulders and hugs Phil around the neck before waving and walks away to his mum in a blur.

Phil’s genuinely confused, but he’s happy when Dan’s gone and he still has the feeling of his arms around his neck.

————

When Dan gets home he’s still smiling, even after his mum pestering him and asking how his day went the whole way home. His father is calling him when Dan walks into the living room, and Dan’s little brother is trying to wipe the smile off his face with innocent insults and hard pats on the back.

He only succeeds in making Dan cough and his mother angry, and his smile is wider as Dan laughs at Adrian get yelled at.

As Adrian gets in trouble and his father watches his sports, Dan skips up the stairs and tosses his bag next to his door when he enters his room. He closes the door and jumps on his bed. Dan grins at the ceiling for a bit before eating a few crackers from his night stand, probably a few weeks old.

He drinks a bit of water from the night before and strips, laying on his bed with just his underwear. Dan’s giddy, but he’s damn tired. He turns to plug his phone in for the night, but then his eyes land on his night machine and his breath hitches. Dan coughs, loudly, and for a second he forgets how to breath.

He’s never really been good at it anyway.

He finally gets up to turn off the lights, then he sits on the edge of his bed and stares at his machine. Dan picks up the tubes and places them behind his ears, putting the cannula in his nostrils. He flips the switch and oxygen fills his lungs with a relieving and fulfilling feeling, but he doesn’t let it last. Dan takes them out about as quickly as he had put them in, turning it off and flinging himself under his duvet.

And Dan is aware that sleeping without it in is a bad idea, and it’s hard to. But so was stopping his treatments, and so was his parents actually letting him. It was what he wanted though. He just wanted to be independent, live for a bit without control. Or maybe he wanted to have control.

Dan doesn’t really know.

So he turns around, closes his eyes and forces himself to breathe. Soon after his mouth falls open slightly, his body relaxing and his mind shifting off to sleep.

[333vam333]

The Nowhere | got7

{ CHAPTER 2 } edited a lil

Title: The Nowhere

Word Count: 1k+

Genre: Drama, Romance, Fantasy-ish, Mystery, Thriller-ish

Warnings: mentions of suicide, murder, a lil graphic (??), a lil profanity(??), a lil smut too ;)

Pairings: Park Jinyoung x reader, Im Jaebum x reader

Summary: After suffering years from the same nightmares that slowly get worse as you grow older, you learn why those taunting dreams come to you like memories you can’t remember in an unfortunate way.

~

Balmy sunlight brushes past the swaying curtains, caressing against your soft skin and brightening up the darkness in your closed eyes. As consciousness flows into you, you can feel the squishy and smooth surface underneath you, and you groan as you face away from the small window to your left. You bring your hands up to your eyes and freeze midway once you register what’s bandaged on your right arm. A skinny tube curls up your arm, stopping on the back of your hand being held down by a clear bandage. A transparent liquid flows through it. Your eyes follow the tube’s trail and stop when you see a bag of the same clear liquid.

Contorting your face in confusion, you take note of the continuous beeping emanating from beside the window, white bed sheets resting on your legs, and a plastic curtain blocking your view of the rest of the room beside you. Your eyes gaze around the dimly lit room, taking in the sun’s rays spraying a light tangerine color across the white walls and beige, glossy wood floor. 

You face the window again, staring at the tree that splattered oddly shaped shadows in the room, the branches oscillating steadily in the calm breeze. The soft chirping of birds in the distance flows into your ears, comforting you like a lullaby as the memories of last night ram into your mind. 

Your sister’s panic-stricken voice still rings in your head, causing a wave of guilt to flood over you. You release a quivering sigh and glance over at the curtain at your left, wondering if your sister is on the other side. Your heart stops, tears blurring your vision, How badly did I hurt you?..

 The faint clanking of glass grabs your attention and you look at the cabinet past your feet. You tilt your head, eyeing a person crouched in front of the small, two-door cabinet, pushing bottles out of the way only to set them back in their places carefully. You rise slowly on your elbows hoping for a better look at the person, but a wave of nausea swarms over you and your head wobbles, your vision making twos of everything. Wincing, you begin to rub your temples and close your eyes. The feeling doesn’t last long.

The man who kept mumbling to himself was now standing, running a hand through his raven black hair frustratingly, and his other hand on his hip. His white-coated back faced you. Opening your mouth to speak is cut short when the brown pastel colored door swings open, the man standing in front of you jumps and gasps, as another man stands in the door way with his arms crossed.

“O-Oh!” the man’s voice, who stood before you, cracked, “H-Hyung! Hey, how’s it goin?” He puts his hands on his hips, pushing his doctor’s coat behind him.

The man in the door way rolled his eyes and shook his head, dropping his arms. “I told you you had no reason to be here, and why are you wearing my coat?” His eyes widen and points to the nametag as he took a few steps up to his friend. 

The other man stepped back, forcing a giggle out.  “Hm? No, my name is Im Jaebum too!”

Jaebum squints his eyes, lowering his eyebrows and cursing under his gritted teeth. He releases a agitated sigh and the dull tone of his voice raises , “You always do this..Leave before-” 

Your eyes meet and you suddenly feel small, his dark eyes piercing into your skin peculiarly. It remains silent for a few seconds before Jinyoung utters gleefully, “What?..Finally realize how much you want me here?” Jinyoung opens his arms as Jaebum begins to walk forward in a daze, his expression a mixture of astonishment and relief, past his baffled friend and towards you. Your eyes don’t leave each other until he’s standing beside you.

“How are you feeling?” Jaebum questions in a hushed voice, one that embraces you in a welcoming vibe. 

You don’t answer. You’re too taken aback by his surreal appearance. His chiseled features are screaming at you, making your face flush the longer you stare at his unblemished rosy-pale skin. His narrow eyes curve into a crescent as the corners of his heart-shaped lips curl up. Eyeing the two teeny birthmarks above his left eye, you bring a smile up to your face, but it vanishes as your sister crosses your mind.

“My sister..” your hand flies to your throat once you realize the pinch in your throat, your eyes widening, “ where is she?” You continued despite sounding like a smoker.

Jaebum furrows his eyebrows and tilts his head, mouthing the word ‘sister?’ as the other guy approaches you. You spot the water bottle in his hand before you get to see his face, and as you chug the water down, the cool liquid burning down your throat gives you a strange satisfaction as you can feel it drop in your stomach. You gasp once you take the bottle away from you and hear a giggle coming from the left side of you. You hadn’t noticed but Jinyoung sat at the end of the bed, just near your feet making a little indention on the twin-sized mattress.

“Aw. You’re cute.” Jinyoung’s eyes disappear and the corners of his eyes wrinkle, the smile on his full lips is bright.

Jinyoung’s features aren’t chiseled as Jaebum’s are instead he has a childish appearance with his squishy face. He gives off the ‘friendly-neighbor’ vibe the more you stare at him, making it more easier to look at him without becoming a blushing mess. 

“Sorry to tell you, Y/N,” your eyes are on Jaebum again. You didn’t see a joyful smile plastered on his perfect face and as he sets a comforting hand on your shoulder, your heart skips a beat. And not because he’s attractive.

You began to brace yourself for whatever Jaebum was about to tell you, biting the inside of your cheek and gripping your hands tightly together. You inhale sharply in hopes to suck in the swelling tears and thoughts of the unwanted. Please..please don’t let it be so bad..

  “We found only you in the vehicle.”

What.

Your widened eyes slowly narrow, your mouth smiling in disbelief. You begin to cackle unsure whether it’s from relief that you didn’t have to hear ‘sister’ and ‘dead’ in the same sentence, or because his information was unconvincing. You, out of everyone, knew your sister was with you when you had the deer-like reaction when those bright lights approached the both of you. You remember feeling your sister’s newly painted fingernails digging into the backs of your hands, and her frantic, ear-piercing voice repeat your name as if she was a broken record.

You stare up at Jaebum, wiping your tears, with a foolish grin carved into your face. “There’s no way! She was with me, her nails dug into my hands, I swear, look!” You bring your hands up to his face but you realize your evidence is useless to him. He probably assumes it’s glass.. You frown, bringing your hands down in defeat. 

“Maybe she hit her head harder than we assumed?” Jinyoung murmurs loud enough for you to hear. You shoot him a death-glare and he jumps when you make eye contact. He leans to Jaebum and whispers to him while he keeps his wide eyes on you, watching to see if you would attack him. “She’s scarier than I thought, Hyung.”

His words make you think, Than I thought? Did he know me?..

You shake your head and decide to not let it bother you. “Where am I then?” 

“A hospital.”

“Don’t be a smartass, Jinyoung!” Jaebum growls, holding his clenched fist behind him. He inhales deeply and faces you, forcing a smile out. “Y/N, I asked around to see if anyone knew you here, but unfortunately you have no family or friends that can take you in for the time being.”

“Why would I need to stay?..I need to be in Seoul-”

“You’re still not feeling well.” Jaebum didn’t let you to finish, like whatever you had to say didn’t matter.

Everything that left his kissable lips flew over your head. Nothing made sense, and it caused your head to ache when you focused on it too hard. 

“Y-Yes I am-I mean, sure, my head was hurting earlier but that’s because I got up too fast..” you freeze, furrowing your eyebrows and squinting your eyes as you face away from the both of the men. “Right?..”

Jinyoung shakes his head as soon as your eyes land on him. “Your leg is sprained,” he gestures to the blanket and your gaze follows. You hadn’t realized your leg was bandaged or even sore all because your family was the only thing that concerned you.

“Your mind is everywhere, Y/N, take it easy.” Jaebum says assuringly, rubbing your back in comforting circles.

But it doesn’t work. You can feel your blood begin to boil, the urge to pounce on him consuming your mind, and your fists clenching so hard your nails are making your palms ooze blood from the tiny crevices. Jaebum takes note of this and steps back.

“We need to establish where you’ll be staying.” he continues, putting his hand on his chin in deep thought. 

“Can’t I just stay here?-”

“Oh!” Jinyoung’s eyes brighten and he snaps, almost like he thought of the most brilliant idea. You swore you could see a light bulb flash above his head for a split second. “Hey, Hyung, how about she stay with us?”

The amount of times your face has contorted into confusion is more than you would normally recall ever doing. “Uh-”

Jaebum’s mouth hung open in disbelief and he shook his head violently, “We can’t handle another person in the house, Jinyoung! You don’t even help me take care of the messes, and they’re mostly yours because I’m hardly home!”

Jinyoung’s smile is too bright it’s almost blinding. He grabs your hands, shaking them slightly. “Oh, you’re gonna love your time with us, Y/N.”

~

Well, this is something. I kinda got lazy midway, but I guess it’s alright. Hehe.

 It’s also shorter than what I’m used to writing, but that’s because I’m also working on something else as well. Thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoyed this chapter! 

oof.

[rainbow-sides]

Anomalies: Chapter Twelve

Summary: Anomalies is about different reactions to grief and how four brothers each respond to the death of their mother. The oldest brother, Roman, gets custody of the twins, Patton and Virgil, and the youngest brother, Logan, after their mother’s death. Virgil is also trying to navigate through a multitude of anxiety disorders, including OCD and trichotillomania, with the help of his brothers and his therapist, Dr. Picani. But meanwhile, Roman isn’t sure he can handle the responsibility of taking care of his brothers, Logan doesn’t process loss in a way most people can understand, and Patton isn’t nearly as okay as he seems…

Warnings: Death of a parent, grief, talk of self-harm and panic attacks, mention of a suicide attempt of a family member, overworking, stress, neglect of self-care, keeping secrets, coping mechanisms, insecurities. For a list of the content warnings for the whole story as well as more information, please see this post. Please heed the warnings and stay safe.

Word Count: 3,191

Notes: Roman’s chapter! This basically takes you through what Roman has been doing and feeling since his mother’s death. The chapter also really focuses on the Logince relationship. Hope you enjoy! <3 ~Martin

Masterpost to All Chapters

Roman couldn't remember the last time he had gotten a full night's sleep.

It had to have been before their mother's death. Between making phone calls, doing paperwork, and comforting his little brothers, the week between the death and the funeral held no sleep at all for him. And the night after the funeral, he had slept for a few hours in Logan's bed but had then gotten up to check on Patton, who had fallen asleep on the floor. He had picked him up and put him in bed, noticing the tear tracks on the poor kid's face.

And after that, if he wasn't working or driving the kids around or studying for tests, he was writing. The novel flowed from his mind to his hands, through his pen and onto the pages of his many fancy notebooks faster than he had ever written before. He poured his heart and soul into this book, venting his grief and frustrations and fears onto the Prince of a faraway kingdom whose mother, the Queen, died and left him in charge of a kingdom that he wasn't prepared to rule. That he had never wanted to rule. The Prince had to navigate politics and trade and laws, as well as his own grief and that of his siblings. There were sicknesses in the kingdom and dragons attacking, and the Prince didn't know what to do.

Roman didn't, either. All he could do was stay afloat for another day, another week, month, and soon it would get easier. Right? It had to. He couldn't continue like this much longer.

He spent every night hunched over his notebook until he was close to passing out from exhaustion, and then he would hide the notebook in the secret drawer in his desk. That way, nobody would find it. When each notebook was filled, he would type it out and add it to the document he kept on his computer. It was getting close to 50,000 words. Not the longest thing he had written, but it was going to be eventually. He had plans.

Of course, he never planned on publishing it. There was no way he could do that, even though he knew it was the best thing he had ever created. If he published it, his brothers would see it. They would read it, and they would realize how Roman did things so wrong. He was making light of the situation, making it into a fantasy. They would know that he couldn't handle it if it was real all the time, and they would hate him. He knew they would.

But without being able to continue with theater right now, he did need something, some fantasy world to lose himself inside of. If he didn't, he would go absolutely crazy. He knew that too well. And he had to keep himself sane however he could. His brothers needed him.

He had just barely begun to think that maybe it was starting to get easier, that the reprieve he so desperately needed was upon him. The routine was becoming less impossible to follow. His frantic writing slowed down just slightly, and he started to get about 5 or 6 hours of sleep every night. And then Patton had done that.

Trying to drown oneself belonged in Shakespeare plays and the biographies of old poets, not in Roman’s goddamned family.

The couple of minutes between when he had received the call from Virgil and when he had been told that Patton was alive were the worst minutes of his life. And that included being at the hospital to hear the heart monitor flatline and having to go back out of the room to where Patton and Logan were waiting, terrified, catching Patton as he fell to the ground screaming before Roman had even said anything. The look on his face must have been enough. And calling Virgil, having to tell him what had happened…

Roman had made the decision to tell him immediately. It wasn't fair, he thought, to tell him to come to the hospital and not tell him why. He would know, but he wouldn't know. And the fact that Virgil had immediately begun to demand to know what happened, Roman, tell me, just tell me made Roman know he had made the right choice. Even if it had wrenched his heart right out of his chest to hear Virgil sobbing over the phone in a public place with nobody to help him.

But thinking that Patton might have killed himself was worse. So much worse.

After it had become clear that Patton wasn't going to die, and the appointment had been made with Dr. Picani, Roman had left Virgil and Patton curled up in his bed with Logan watching over them. He had collapsed onto the couch, buried his face in a pillow, and screamed. When he had screamed himself hoarse, not letting a single sound escape from the cushion he used to muffle his voice, he had burst into tears. I almost lost him, he thought, and he couldn't stop crying. I failed you, Mom. And I failed Patton.

He needed his notebook. He needed to write, to do something to relieve the pain and pressure inside of him. Is this what Patton felt when he cut? But he didn't have a story to write to make it go away, so he had to cut himself to let it out. He needed his notebook.

“Roman?”

Roman flinched and tossed the pillow away, wiping his eyes quickly. “What's wrong, Lo, are they okay? What's--" He broke off.

Logan was holding out the leather bound notebook that Roman was sure had been put away safely in his drawer. “Nothing is wrong. They're both sound asleep, I made sure. I thought you might need this.”

“Where did you even...how…” Roman stood up and snatched his book away from his little brother, looking at him suspiciously. “You didn't read it, did you?”

“Of course not. But I'd like to.” Logan was unphased by Roman’s glare. “I know you've been writing again, ever since she died. I know how you get when you’re working on a project, and all the signs were there. Is it a novel or a play, or just poetry?”

“...novel,” Roman muttered. “How did you even know where to find this?”

“Roman, I helped you put that desk together. It's not a secret drawer if you already know it's there,” Logan informed him. “So, can I read it?”

“It's not finished yet.” Why didn't I just say no? Roman wondered despondently.

“I know. I'm a very good editor.”

Roman raised his eyebrows. “Oh, is that it? You just want more of an excuse to criticize my grammar?”

“I don't need an excuse. But no, I just want to read it. I'm curious about what you're writing, what it is that could help you at a time like this.”

“What?”

“Well,” Logan said, “you write when you are upset. You turn the pain of reality into artwork. That's fascinating. And I like your writing. I think it's clever.”

High praise from the clever one. “Thank you, I suppose.”

“Can I read it?” Logan pressed.

“It's not something I'm sure I want to share,” Roman said.

“I won't tell Virgil or Patton anything, I promise.”

“I don't know if I'm comfortable sharing it with you, either,” Roman clarified.

“Why not?”

“Because…” Roman searched for an answer that Logan would accept. “Just because.” Well, that's not gonna go over well.

“Hm. Try again,” Logan said.

He sounds like Mom, Roman realized, and almost snorted. “You won’t like reading it.”

“Why not?” Logan asked again.

Roman groaned. “Because it’s stupid, Logan. It’s a dumb book and I haven’t edited it at all and it’s...it’s just been the only thing keeping me sane, so quality isn’t really what I’m going for. You understand?”

“Like I said, I’m a great editor.”

Maybe...no. No. “No, Logan. I’m sorry, I’m not ready to share it yet. Or ever, probably. Thanks for bringing me the notebook, now go back to my room. I don’t want them left alone,” Roman said. “And I have to call my boss.”

“Fine,” Logan said resignedly. He handed Roman a pen. “Tell me if you change your mind.” He turned and went back down the hallway to the bedroom where Virgil and Patton slept.

Roman looked down at the notebook and pen in his hands. He was itching to spill more words out onto the paper, but he really did have to call his boss. So he did, and he explained to her that there had been an emergency at home and he might have to rearrange his schedule. To his relief, she had been very understanding.

After he had hung up, he opened the notebook and turned to the page where the ribbon bookmark lay. The left-hand page was covered with his neat, scrawling handwriting that switched seamlessly between print and cursive every few sentences depending on how fast he had been writing. And the right-hand page was blank. The grey lines invited him to un-cap the pen and to press the tip to the page. He began to write.

On Monday night, when Patton had moved to Virgil’s room, Roman found himself alternating between sitting at his desk writing feverishly and, about once an hour, rushing to where the twins slept to check on them. Each time, he feared that Patton would be gone. But he always found both of them in the same spot, fast asleep with Virgil’s arms tucked protectively around his twin. Although he knew he was being paranoid, Roman would put his hand on Patton’s chest carefully to make sure he was still breathing.

He would go check on Logan afterwards. The youngest had fallen asleep with a textbook on his pillow and his head resting next to it. He held it like it was a stuffed animal, and Roman covered his mouth, snickering quietly. The kid was such a nerd. Roman loved him so much.

And then he would go back to his room and write for another hour, then spring to his feet and head back down the hallway to Virgil’s room. This continued until almost 4 a.m. when he finally sank down onto his bed and turned his light off.

He did the same thing every night that week. On Thursday night, after they had a small and pretty pathetic Thanksgiving meal of pizza and Sprite (only the Sprite for Virgil, who was still worried that his stomach wouldn’t be able to handle much more), Roman filled the notebook. He opened up his laptop and began to type. He changed a few words here and there but mostly, it was exactly what he had written in the notebooks. The hours ticked by and he checked on the twins a few times. They seemed fine, and Virgil hadn’t gotten sick again.

It was after 3 a.m. when there was a tiny knock at his door. Roman leapt from his chair and opened it, worried that it would be Virgil feeling ill again. But it was just Logan. “What’s up, Lo?” Roman whispered, not wanting to wake the twins across the hall.

“Can I come sit in here?” Logan asked.

“Of course.” Roman let him come into the room and watched him sit down on the bed. “Why are you awake?” he asked, closing the door quietly.

“Why are you awake?” Logan shot back.

“Fair enough.” Roman sat down in his desk chair and rubbed his eyes. “I’ve been writing.”

“Every night until about 3:45, I know.”

Roman narrowed his eyes. “And how do you know that?” he asked.

Logan sighed. “‘Cause 3:30 is the last time you come and check on me. You can stop doing that, by the way, I’m not going anywhere.”

Roman sputtered, “Wh--you--I didn’t mean to wake you up!”

“Oh, I’m almost never asleep when you come in.”

“You, uh, do a pretty great job at pretending,” Roman stated, taken aback.

Nodding, Logan said, “I know. I turn my lights off when I hear you go into Virgil’s room and regulate my breathing.”

“...Why?” Roman demanded. “Why would you pretend to be asleep? And why aren’t you asleep, for that matter?”

“I pretended because I didn’t want to worry you, and I’m not asleep because I’d rather be reading. Is that sufficient explanation?” Logan asked.

“Uh-uh, specs, you don’t get to do that. You're thirteen, you need sleep!” scolded Roman.

“And you’re only twenty-one,” Logan countered. “You still effectively need as much sleep as a teenager because your brain still hasn’t fully developed its frontal lobe yet.” He crossed his arms, his face saying I could do this all night.

Frustrated, Roman threw one of his hands up into the air. “Fine! Both of us should be asleep. And we aren’t. So where does that leave us?”

Logan glanced around. “...In your room?”

“Not what I--oh, dear.” Roman frowned suddenly. “Wait, why are you in my room? You wanted to come sit in here, is everything alright?”

“Um…”

The hesitation was enough. Roman left his chair and sat down on the bed next to his little brother. “What’s up?” he asked gently.

Logan sighed, and it was too old of a sound to be coming from a teenager who wasn’t quite 14 yet. “I have to tell you something.”

Heart beating faster, Roman was imagining all of the possible things Logan would need to tell him. “Okay,” he said. “Hit me with it, Lo.”

“I haven’t just been at the library.”

WHAT--

“What?” Roman said calmly.

“When I said I was going to the library, I wasn’t always at the library,” Logan restated.

“Then...where have you been?” asked Roman.

Logan took a deep breath. “I’ve been taking classes at the community college.”

“Oh,” Roman said. He’s been doing what now????? AND HE LIED TO ME ABOUT WHERE HE WAS, THAT IS SO NOT SAFE-- “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I am telling you.”

“Okay, how long has this been going on? And how did you get there?” Roman demanded. “What classes are you taking? How are you paying for them? And how the hell do you have time to do all the work for college classes as well as high school classes? You’re already a freshman with three honors and one AP class, don’t you understand how much of a workload that is?”

“Slow down,” Logan pleaded. “Okay--I’ve been taking classes since August. I take the bus from the library to the college. And Mom paid for them.”

“She…” Roman couldn’t breathe for a second. “Mom knew?” he choked out.

“She encouraged me to take them,” Logan mumbled. “I’m taking astronomy and organic chemistry. She saw the course listings online and suggested them when I told her that the high school classes were boring.”

“So she…” Roman was having a hard time speaking through the sudden lump in his throat. His eyes were misting over. “She wanted you to do this?”

“Uh-huh,” Logan said, nodding. “And I was...I was going to drop out, after she died, because I thought...I thought I might not be able to handle it.” That was clearly difficult for him to admit.

“But you didn’t,” Roman murmured.

“No, I didn’t. Actually, it’s been…” Logan hesitated. “It’s helped. I’m working towards something, and I don’t have time to just stay sad. I think it’s been good for me.”

“Okay, well…I’m so glad that you know yourself well enough to know that. But Logan, why didn’t you tell me sooner?” wondered Roman. “You could have, really. Even before Mom died, you could have told me. Do Virgil and Patton know?”

“No, they don’t know anything about it. It was Mom and my secret.” Logan glanced away.

Roman understood. Having something that was only between him and their mother must have been a lifeline for Logan to cling to. And as he realized that, Roman was confused. “So why tell me now?”

“I’ve wanted to tell you since Mom died,” Logan confessed. “And I know I should have. But I wasn't ready, not yet. I was going to before the semester was over, I promise. But the reason I’m telling you now is because there’s an astronomy overnight next week and obviously, I couldn’t go without you knowing. Even if I snuck out, you’d know, because you insist on checking on me every single hour.”

“Okay, the fact that you had even considered sneaking out as a valid enough option to know the problems with it worries me,” admonished Roman. “But I’ll let that slide this once. Yeah, alright. What day is this overnight, and where is it? Also I’m still debating whether or not I even want you leaving my sight.”

“It’s from Tuesday to Wednesday, on campus. There’s a small observatory in the eastern wing. And why are you worrying about me?” Logan asked. “I haven’t hurt myself and I don’t pass out from panic attacks.”

“No, but you’re thirteen,” emphasized Roman. “And you’re my baby brother. I’m allowed to worry about you. Fine. I’m driving you, though. And you’re giving me your class schedule.”

“Are you going to tell Patton and Virgil?” Logan asked, a note of apprehension in his voice.

Roman pretended to consider it. “If you don’t tell them about my novel, I won’t tell them about your classes. Deal?”

“I’ll let you drive me if you let me read the book,” Logan counter-offered.

“And you have to tell me about your classes at least once a week. And I’m not talking about ‘how was school’, ‘it was fine’, I mean actually tell me. I want the details on what the professors wear and exactly how dumb the kid who sits in front of you is.”

“Nobody sits in front of me. I always sit in the front row, Roman, you know that,” Logan said, confused.

“Do we have a deal?”

“You’re letting me read the book?”

“If you agree to the terms.”

Logan nodded and held out his hand. “I agree to the terms.”

“Done.” Roman shook his head quickly. “Addendum: you also have to sleep at least seven hours a night.”

“Back at you.”

“Fine.”

“Addendum accepted,” Logan said.

Roman grinned and wrapped his arms around Logan, who squirmed. “Starting now. And you’re staying here, ‘cause otherwise I can’t trust that you won’t just be reading under your covers with a flashlight.”

“I haven’t tried that since I was ten,” Logan muttered.

Ruffling his little brother’s hair and giggling at the resulting offended squawk, Roman added, “Go turn the lights off, and close my computer for me. We’ll have to sleep until ten tomorrow to meet the seven hour minimum.”

Logan flicked off the lightswitch and powered down the laptop before coming back to the bed and curling up on his side underneath the sheet. He pushed the comforter towards Roman, who gladly accepted the extra blanket. “That doesn’t sound disagreeable,” Logan mumbled.

Closing his eyes, Roman answered, “No, it doesn’t, does it? Night, Lo.”

“Goodnight, Roman.”

They’re adorable, I love them so much. Okay ahhhhh, hope you enjoyed! Make sure you’re taking care of yourselves, writing is a perfectly valid and healthy way to cope with your emotions even if Roman is struggling to understand that, and try to get at least 7 hours of sleep every night. Alrighty that’s all I have to say, I love you!

Oh, and if you want more stories by me, check out my new multichapter fic A Snake in the Grass, it’s like, good and stuff. Thank you! <3 ~Martin

General Taglist

@a-lexicon-of-words​ @am-i-heaven-or-am-i-hell​ @sassy-in-glasses​ @iamsilentwolf​ @theshipqueenarrives​ @alurea-actually​ @haikyuupaladin​ @my-happy-little-bean​ @faithfulcat111​ @iris-sanders-athena​ @riverblujay​ @faacethefacts​ @sushipug43​ @decaffeinatedpersonnel​ @finger-gunsss​ @wicked-delights​ @escapingslowly​ @greeneggsandham1998​ @blue-fluffy-dragon​ @fuzzypurplecloud @anuninspiredpoet​ @justanotherpurplebutterfly​ @candiukas​ @shortandfantastic​

Anomalies Taglist

@i-will-physically-fight-you​ @alextheodd​ @a-lexicon-of-words @cinderlunarcyborg​ @justamassivenerd​ @quietdeerfan​ @haikyuupaladin​ @anonymous-at-midnight @toriwithacamera @k9cat​ @anuninspiredpoet​ @afilhadehades-blog​ @logicallyanxious-morallyromantic​ @akiraaria @drunken-ghost @hanramz-the-fander @callboxkat @blubblubfish @spectacled-renegade @anuninspiredpoet @fillyourteacup @im-a-bin-child @keys117 @brikcsandbones @jadekitten1 @too-queer-for-the-binary @arandomkoalainaustralia @cinnnamonrollpatton @infinityonthot @romanssippycup @kirsten-the-freak @ab-artist @super-magical-wizard @illiani

[so-many-youtubers-so-little-time]

Second Family

Anon: “Imagine being in a relationship with a YouTuber(fictional) but he abuses you and one night after it gets pretty bad, you run to Alfie’s home and find most of the male YouTubers are there and they learn about your situation even though you didn’t tell them, you can decide what happens after that, I want the reader to find that one of the boys actually cares about her more than a friend(you can decide which youtube she’s gonna fall in love with!) SOOO EXCITED FOR YOUR BLOG!!”

YouTubers involved in this fic[bold are in this chapter]:  Joe Sugg, Tanya Burr, Alfie Deyes, Zoella, Caspar Lee, Marcus Butler, Jim Chapman

>>>Part 1<<< >>>Part 2<<<

A/n: Reminder that ‘Jake’ is the fictional abusive boyfriend. Also I know it’s been months since I’ve written a part 1 and 2 but I think I’m back to writting :) 

Words: 1.5k

-Reader’s POV-

It was Sunday morning, at least you thought it was. You would usually upload today but you didn’t have your laptop or anything in fact, nor felt like spending hours editing a version of yourself who was unaffected by what came next.  

After breaking up with Jake, last night, it got really late so Alfie offered for you to sleep over. He and Zoe -who returned from Louise's- gave you their guest bedroom and you were glad because you hadn’t realized how tired you were since you fell asleep the second you laid your head on the pillow. 

It wasn’t enough that Jake made your life living hell, he also haunted your dreams. You tossed and turned, tears flowing out of your tightly-shut eyes when you found yourself being lightly woken up by Joe. “Hey, (y/n),” You gasped at the sight of him before sighing, “It’s ok, you were having a nightmare.” He rubbed your shoulder before stepping back after you woke. 

You wiped your tears away before assuring him you're fine, “I- I’m good.” 

Joe must’ve stayed over too cause when you glanced over at the clock, it was 3:56 AM.  He was wearing the same pants as earlier, but he was just shirtless.

He ran a hand through his hair before looking down, “I- uh, guess I’ll get going then, good night (y/n)-”

You caught his wrist as he turned to leave the room, “Stay,” you sat up as the last few tears continued flowing down your face, “Please. I can’t sleep and I don’t wanna be alone.” 

He pursed his lips before smiling and nodding. “Alright,” he whispered carefully not to wake up Zoe and Alfie. 

You looked around the large bed and scooted over. Instead of sitting up against the headboard, Joe rolled into bed with his head on your pillow. “Could I…” He pointed at the warm duvet you were under. 

“Oh, sure.” You opened it up and he snuck into it. His cold hands brushing your hip. 

He began talking, and you joined in too. The topic started off about his channel and how he was planning on doing a prank on Caspar with you involved, only he talked at first but soon you two were back to your old self, with Joe making you laugh at every sentence. 

Time flew. You grew more tired and scooted deeper into the duvet. 

He chatted equally to keep you from feeling sad again but when he glanced at you, he found you in deep sleep while spooning his arm. 

His face flushed and a smile stretched on his lips. But he knew his line. You two were friends, nothing more. He wasn’t going to ruin that. 

He slowly took back his arm, careful not to disturb you and tip-toed out of the room. Before he shut the door, he glanced back at you and smiled. 

~~~ 

You slowly woke to the sound of chattering from outside. Tanya and Zoe were chatting. 

Light was trying to pour into the rooms but the curtains held them back. You rubbed your eyes and noticed that the bed was empty. Did Joe leave? You looked out the crack in the door to meet Zoe’s eyes, she smiled and slowly cracked open the door until it was slightly ajar. Zoe popped her head in. “Hey, can we...?” She gestured to enter. 

You nodded so she and Tanya entered. Tan gave a small wave and sat on your bed.  

“Jim told me what had been going on...” She gave your hand a small squeeze. 

“And we wanted to talk to you about that.” Zoe pursed her lips. “Me, Tan and everyone are ready to help you in whatever way necessary.” 

You smiled at the thought of support, “Thank you but-” 

“Please don’t push us away,” Tan begged. You met her eyes and noticed the sincerity behind them. You pursed your lips and gave a small smile. 

“(y/n), we’re gonna have breakfast downstairs, do you wanna join us or bring it up here? I can bring it up if you don’t-” 

“No, I’ll be down in a few.” You gulped and ran your hand through your hair, only to look up and find Zoe watching you, “What-?” Before you could finish, she had pulled you into a tight hug. 

“I’m so sorry, (y/n). Jake doesn’t deserve you, he’s never deserved you, I’m sorry we never noticed anything and questioned him, I’m- I’m sorry-” You felt tears soak through your shirt and hugged her back not knowing what to say. You closed your eyes and felt another set of arms wrap around you: Tanya’s. 

After what seemed like many moments, Zoe and Tan pulled away, both of their eyes tear soaked. Zoe grabbed a tissue and let out a scoff, “If he comes near you one more time-” 

You were surprised to see her go from sadness to anger this fast but that was you all of last night, Tan spoke in, “Zoe’s right, he can’t come near you ever again.” 

“We should go to the Police,” Tan suggested. 

You shook your head, your mind flooding with emotions and ideas on what to do next but you just couldn’t think clearly, “It’s not that easy. What am I gonna do after that? It’s not like I’m never gonna see him again, we’re in the same youtube groups, he’s everywhere, hell, we even run a channel together, it’s just so messy now- and if I file a complaint,” you sighed, “It’ll only get more complicated, I just-” You covered your face with your hands, “-I don’t know.” 

“(y/n),” Tan interrupted by placing her hand over yours, “We’ll figure out all of this together, remember, you don’t have to do anything alone.” You dropped your eyes and met hers, a small smile on your lips as you were grateful for having great friends. 

You three had a moment when Zoe cleared her throat, “Well, umm, come down when you’re ready, (y/n), we’re gonna have some breakfast in a few-” 

“Yeah, I bought some pastries too,” Tan added. 

“Oh also,” Zoe popped out the door and bought a small stack of clothes in, “I know you don’t have any of your clothes with you, and the ones you're wearing have blood on them, so you can borrow some of mine.” She handed you the stack and you noticed some nice pants, a simple tee, one towel, and undergarments. 

“Thanks, Zoe, I’ll be out of here by tonight-” 

“Hey, take your time (y/n), recover and treat this home like yours, you're like Alfie's sister and you're our best friend,” Zoe said kindly while gesturing to herself and Tanya. 

You gave a smile as they left you with your thoughts. You looked around and fell back onto the bed, emptiness filling your heart. After what seemed like hours of just laying there you checked the clock and realized only a few minutes had passed. You knew you couldn’t just lay there so you whipped off the blankets and grabbed the clothes and headed out into the hallway towards the bathroom. 

You were in your thoughts about Jake when the bathroom door opened and Joe walked out, only a towel around his waist, showing off the V on his lower abdomen and his built upper body. 

He seemed surprised to see you, “Hey (Y/n),” he said looking away from your eyes. 

You stuttered out the next few words as you were pulled out of your thoughts, “Oh, hey, Joe.”

He ran a hand through his wet, nearly brunette hair, making water sprinkle on you. You pursed your lips and scooted past him, not noticing that he wasn’t his usual self around you which would’ve peaked your interest more if it was a different moment but right now you had too much on your mind. 

He continued avoiding meeting your eyes as you two went separate ways; you into the bathroom and him into another room. You turned on the lights and almost screamed at the person looking back at you in the mirror. 

You didn’t even recognize yourself. Your eyes were set deeply, surrounded by dark circles and one eye with a very noticeable black eye. And right above that, a bandaged gash covered with a large band-aid. You sighed and buried your face in your hands again, with your elbows resting on the sink, but soon you found yourself fall onto the floor and sobbing. 

Your shoulders shook as you let our large yet mostly silent sobs, you thought you were out of tears but as your heart ached more, and anger filled you up, the more tears produced. 

After what seemed like hours of crying, you sniffled and picked yourself off the ground and stripped before stepping into the hot shower, trying to forget everything and imagine what life was like before Jake. But what was life like before Jake? Nothing came to mind. You still had your memories before Jake but without him, you felt guilty imagining yourself happy. Looked like those bruises weren’t the only way he scared you. 

[eddies-trailer-babe]

Heat: Scott Summers

Pairing: Scott Summers x reader

Requested: No

Warning/s: Three cuss words, attempt at suicide, sad moments

Others characters: Logan Howlett, Charles Xavier(non-speaking), Kurt Wagner(non-speaking)

Summary: In this particular hot season everyone avoids you because of your mutation, eventually it all gets too much and you do something drastic. Read on to find out what happens.

Authors note!: I would like to thank @supernotnaturalcas for helping edit some of this and help me out with my writers block, thank you so so much I really appreciate your help, I am forever in you debt<3!!

Love you all Demons With Halos xoxo

-chevycastiel1967

Summer. The season you dreaded. The season that had everyone avoided you. This particular summer is what hurt you the most.

See your mutation was fire and that made you incredably warm all the time.

Yeah it was amazing in winter but summer, oh summer was the worst, because since you were really warm people stayed away from you during this heated season.

You thought everything would change when you started going to Xavier’s School For Gifted Youngsters but unfortunatley it hadn’t, you had thought people were going to understand you and yet they didn’t. You felt worse when Charles started avoiding you, you’d thought he at least be the more understanding out of everyone him wanting all mutants to be accepted, when you felt so unaccepted.

You simply couldn’t take it anymore.

So you figured just burn out, burning out was something in a paper a mutant from Chekoslovakia had published, it was basically any mutant with fire related powers had enough water surrounding them and by that I mean like a bath or pool type of surround they would burn out. It’s like water and fire, put water on the fire and the fire burns out. 

Now all you needed was the supplies to burn yourself out.

It seemed your walk down the halls to the kitchen was going in slow motion, people stepping out of your way, people whispering about how if anybody cared and if they did why didn’t they stick out the summer with you.

Eventually you got to the kitchen, and you were looking for a person sized tub or bucket, you didn’t notice Logan walk in and boy did you jump when he started talking, “Hey, what’re you doin’ in here?”

“Jesus fuckin’ christ Logan don’t sneak up on me like that, ya’ll almost gave me a heart attack." 

Logan chuckled at that, you guys did always have a laugh, if you heard swearing it was probably you and Logan, "But seriously, what are you doin in here?”

‘Shit,’ you thought but quickly recovered, “Oh, some of the guys are hot and wanted to have wet t-shirt contest, so they asked me to get a really big bucket one that could fit a person in it,” Logan pointed to a cupboard that was next to the pantry,

“There are some in there, just be careful don’t want yourself to burn out am I right,” he said with a chuckle, as you were looking through the cupboard you yell back, “Fuckin’ right Wolfie,” you hear him chuckle at the nickname as you come out with the metal tub, you sigh and say “Alright Wolfie I got to got I’ll see you later,”

“Cool later radiator.”

You thought it’d be better if you did it in the forest behind the old styled mansion that way you wouldn’t be seen.

After you’d gotten near the river stream you took the bucket and filled it with the river water, after it was filled you made sure there was no-one was around.

You took a deep breath, stepped in and instantly started hissing in pain. 

The pain started to lessen as you started to see black spots cloud your vision.

As you started to fade from the world you could swear you saw a flash of blue before your world faded to black.

You woke up to a warm feeling in your hand, and opened your eyes to a blinding light.

Squinting when you opened your eyes, you looked down to see a hand connected to yours, your eyes trailed up the arm to the face. 

To your shock it was Scott Summers, he looked so peaceful which was good because he’s always stressing over training and missions.

You interuppted his peace by slowly shaking him awake and whispering his name, “Scott, Scotty wake up,” he slowly stirred and when he opened his eyes to see you wide awake and smiling slightly at him he was out of his seat and ingulfing you in the strongest, tightest hug you’d ever had.

After the hugging finished which had lasted about fifteen seconds, he looked at you for a second then yelled, “(Y/N) what were you thinking, I was so worried when Kurt came to me saying he found you steaming in a tub of river water, I thought I was gonna lose you I don’t know what I would have done without you?!”

By this time he was holding you hand and stroking it with his thumb, and you hadn’t realised it but you had started crying. You stil replied with “I’m sorry Scott I’m so sorry I don’t know what more I can say, I felt ignored. No-one would go near me, I thought I wasn’t going to get throught the summer with everyone ignoring me. I felt abandoned,” and by this point both you and Scott were crying.

Scott because he just realized he had been ignoring you, he had been avoiding you, he had been abandoning you and he felt terrible. And what made it worse was that he just realized it, he felt so angry at himself that he just realized it, he felt angry at himself because he didn’t see the signs of any of this because he was to busy ignoring you, he felt as if this was the worse thing he could of ever done to someone.

Even with tears streaming down his face he could still string together his sentences,

“I am so so so sorry (Y/N)! If I had maybe paid more attention, and stopped being an asshole for once maybe you wouldn’t be in this position… I love you and now I don’t think I deserve to love you. Not after the way I have been treating you; God I don’t even deserve to be in a room with you.”

His words made you feel horrible and a thought invaded you mind ‘it’s not his fault, it’s yours, it’s your mutation, therefore your fault.’ 

“Scott…” You started, “This is not your fault, yes you ignored me but it’s my fault,  it’s my mutation and so it’s my fault, it’s my fault people stay away from me, it’s my fault I make people uncomfortable with heat, it’s just my fault okay!”

Scott was shocked to hear this ‘how could she think this’ he thought ‘it isn’t her fault, it’s mine, I ignored her.’

Scott was shocked to hear this and this strong emotion exploded in front of you.

“Don’t you dare blame your-self (Y/N)!” The volume of his voice made you flinch as you had never heard him yell before,

“This is not your fault, even though it’s you mutation it’s not in your control what your mutation is, it just is what it is, but you can make it better by telling someone when you’re feeling ignored or lost, please (Y/N) just let someone - let me help you, please,” at his last words his voice faded into a whisper.

You looked at him, his eyes closed behind his glasses, his nose making sniffling sounds and tears flowing down the sides of his face, the look on his face had made your mind up.

“Okay,” his head instantly perked up and you saw the relief flash across his face before it turned into a happy one once you’d said okay. 

And he kissed you.

He kissed you like it was your last kiss, and all the passion and regret for his actions were poured into it.

This kiss meant you’d get help with whatever you’ve been feeling, it meant you’d let him in and let him help you with your problems and talk about them to him, this kiss meant you’d let him be your sanctuary whenever you wanted to get away from the world around you and just stay away for as long as you wanted or needed, this kiss meant safety for you and for him and you’d be each others safety nets, this kiss meant he’d help you find a way to be around other people during the summer and other hot days. This kiss meant I love you.