#no name tags for the sake of spoilers but I hope j can tell who they are

[jubileedeeznuts-posting]

insomnia things so i Drew this BUT TETRO CHAPTER THREE SPOILERS!!!,!,! BE WARNED

let’s play hero and villian, let’s see who wins

[loudsuitlover]

Doctor Harry XXI. Si te vas

BLUE’S POV

The three of them were in my bed when I woke up. Marie and Ollie were under the duvet with me but Jason was on my other side like a kitten sleeping with their human. I don’t remember picking them both up but we must have had or maybe they came here on their own. Whatever the way, I couldn’t ask for better friends.

There’s no new messages in my phone so I text Coco to know her whereabouts and lie awake waiting for them to wake up. The fact that the three of them are here, like walls supporting the ceiling, makes it clear that what happened last night wasn’t a bad dream.

Harry was high. He was so high he couldn’t even talk to me. I remember the way he acted now and God, it was so clear I feel stupid for not realizing it sooner. His bloodshot eyes, his calmness, the way he got mad in a second and then back to the calm, the way he seemed to be disconnected to everything that was happening, how he seemed not to care at all.

I wonder what he thinks about me now. I wonder whether he cares at all. Somehow, I still don’t want him to think I’m being judgemental even though maybe I am. I’ve had this discussion plenty of times with plenty of Med students- about weed, yes or no, is it bad or is it less bad than they say?- For no one with biological knowledge dares to say it’s good. Fruit is good, walking is good- weed is not.

And yet it’s probably less harmful than it feels to me but it’s just… Last night I learnt he was the one driving and with that, the entire accident and the months that followed came back; and if that wasn’t enough he was high, just like Dylan was; and I wonder why Harry’s here and Dylan isn’t, why some people get another chance- and still smoke weed- and why some others just can’t live to change it.

I’ve never really believed in destiny. I don’t think our lives are written and we’re just players in a big board, thinking we’re free and taking decisions that were already going to happen anyway but sometimes, I do believe that there might just be this person, this person in the world that’s for you, the one who’s going to walk by your side for the rest of your life. I used to think that feeling of belonging with someone didn’t happen twice so I always thought I had it with Dylan and I will never have it with anyone else and somehow I liked that and I lived by that. But then I met Harry and for a second I thought I might have been wrong all this time and now the fact that his story could be superimposed to Dylan’s and it would connect... I feel like if this was a sci-fic movie and we have these parallel worlds and these alternative universes, Harry might as well be Dylan, in another body and with another face and another scent and that’s what I don’t want.

I loved Dylan. I loved him as much as a person can love another human being and I don’t think there’s ever been purer love but he also broke my heart to the point where I thought I was dying too. And he did because he changed and then because he died so I lost him twice all along and I just can’t go through that again.

“Morning, pixie.” Marie gives me a sleepy smile that I return. “How did you sleep?”

“Surprisingly good. I don’t remember getting here but I haven’t woken up until just now.”

“It makes sense that you were tired considering how drunk you were last night.” Jason’s voice is muffled against the duvet but I can still hear him.

I hit the back of his head with a pillow and he grunts.

“I don’t think you can call her out on that, pal.” Marie defends me.

“It wasn’t that bad.” Jason complains.

“Until you stood up on that table and take off your shirt and started yelling titties out, free the gay! you mean.” Ollie adds.

Marie and I laugh at the look Jason gives her. His eyes are widened, and his lips are set on a thin line. Before he can ask her whether that’s true, which I hope it is for the sake of humour, someone knocks on the door.

“Pasa.” I tell her. “But please be clothed. We have guests.”

Coco is grinning from ear to ear when she appears on the doorway.

“Oh, hi!” She chirps excitedly. “You guys slept like that?”

We all nod and she laughs. Olivia sits up and pushes Marie to do the same so my sister has a spot next to them. She’s wearing party clothes, which gives away that she didn’t spend the night home.

“So” Olivia wriggles her dark blond eyebrows “Guido Matteoti, hey?”

My sister smiles despite pursed lips and that’s all I need to know Chicco is history. Yes, Guido! I sit up too and Jason rests his cheek on his fist so Coco knows she has our undivided attention. Her cheeks tinge pink.

“He’s very sweet.” She starts. “I mean we’ve only been in a couple of dates but-”

“But you didn’t sleep home last night.” I raise my eyebrows and she shakes her head with a smile.

“And nothing happened.” She adds. “We just cuddled.”

The four of us look at her and from the corner of my eye I can see Marie melting while Olivia’s face seems like a puzzle missing a piece and Jason just blinks.

“He’s… I’ve never had this, you know? It’s like I tell him something mindlessly… Like something that isn’t really even important and he remembers it.” She smiles. “I mean last night he said something about Nana’s cameo and he had to tell me when I have told him about it because even me myself couldn’t remember.” She surprises. “And… He is interested in what I think and what I want and… I mean some guys have made me feel pretty, but he makes me feel interesting and that’s just so much better.”

“See?” Marie tilts her neck to give me a look and I smile. “It’s possible.”

“Do you like him though?” Olivia presses. “I mean him, as a person, not the way he makes you feel.”

Coco stares at her like a deer caught in headlights before she tilts her neck like a dog thinking. I’m taken aback too by Ollie’s deep understanding of the situation. She’s been so disassociated with the love department that it feels strange to have her understanding this so deeply.

“Yes, I do.” Coco blushes. “He’s smart and funny and caring and kind. And so handsome.” Her eyes open wide and Olivia laughs.

“Can we see him?”

“Yeah, show us the regulation photo, girl.” Jason adds.

My sister chuckles before she gets on her phone and shows us his Instagram. I have seen him before so I let my friends be as nosy as they want. Coco’s eyes meet mine and she frowns concerned.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

And like that I’m crying again. My sister jumps over my friends and takes a seat next to me, wrapping her small arms around my body and reminding me of home. Marie tells her what happened and Ollie and Jason curse under their breath. They did that last night too, I remember now.

“I’m good, I’m good.” I wipe my tears and sit back straight. “I’ll get over it.”

Coco sighs next to me and Jason gives me a smile.

“Unpopular opinion” Olivia says “I think we’re being too hard on him.”

Us three give her a death glare and she raises her hands on the air proving her innocence.

“Let’s go get started with breakfast, Ollie.” Coco says before war starts on my mattress.

“Yes, I need to tell you some things too.”

“Me too.” Jason smiles. “Spoiler alert: David is a dick.”

“Tell me something I don’t know…”

The three of them walk outside the room and we hear the beginning of the conversation with Jack’s name being thrown around among very colourful insults.

“What are you doing for Christmas?” I ask Marie.

“I’m visiting my mum.” She shrugs. “And her new boyfriend.”

“Nice.” I chuckle.

“You?”

“I think I’m gonna go spend some days with my dad. I need to get away from here.”

“And your mum?”

“Mum’ll go to Spain, I guess. It’s been a while since I don’t visit Dad.” I feel Marie nodding next to me. “I’m gonna hop on the shower.”

“Okay.”

“You can shower in Coco’s bathroom if you’d like.”

“Do I stink or what?” Marie laughs.

I give her a silent smile and make my way inside my bathroom. I don’t have much time because Coco, Ollie and Jason are not precisely the best chefs so I’m sure by getting started with breakfast they mean adding milk to cereal.

I let the hot water run down my body relaxing every muscle I hadn’t realized was tensed. Thinking about going back home is never been as easy as it is now. It’s always painful to go back to Capitol because it screams Dylan all over the place but it’s been a while since I don’t see Dad or Rio and I’m in the mood for a family Christmas.

When I make my way towards the kitchen, I hear them all talking about Harry and me but it doesn’t bother me because it doesn’t surprise me. I know they’re on my side anyway, even Ollie.

I announce my plans to everyone during brekafast and Coco and Jason decide to tag along  to Capitol for Christmas too. Coco was the expected guest but I’m glad Jason wants to join too. It’ll be good to have a friend around when I start missing Dylan like the first day after his accident. Jason says he needs a change of scene and to stay away from David and I’d rather have him with me than getting back together with the devil.

We pack our stuff after breakfast and plan a videocall all together in a few days before Marie and Ollie leave to pack their own things. Olivia’s going to France to meet up with her family too but she seems to be very invested in my relationship with Harry or my lack of it.

Coco drives to Capitol, all the way without stopping once, and I feel safe when she’s behind the wheel. I’ve never understood how men can say women are bad drivers when women seem to be better at everything. Okay, that’s sexist too, but the fact that we’re asked to do double to earn the same amount explains why that could be true.

It's the first time Jason comes to Capitol despite our four years of friendship. When Dylan was alive, it was usually him go would come visit and during holidays J was usually with his family so I would go to Capitol alone. I hope the idea he has of me doesn’t change when he sees my house. I guess it won’t, because I know his parents have an equally big mansion but still…

The dark grey fence opens for my sister’s car after she sets the code and my sister’s Mercedes drives inside our sumptuous property. She drives around the fountain at the entrance and the set of pine trees on both sides of our private road brings back memories of my childhood underneath them.

The house looks more like a palace than I even remembered. I don’t quite know how many hectares of land my father owns but I know the entire house have glass walls looking at the back because there was no need to hide from nothing at all; there’s just a pine forest and snowy mountains behind it. I reckon if Jason was still a kid, I could tell him my dad’s a vampire and he’d probably believe it.

Dad’s waiting at the door with a big smile and his thick winter coat when we get off the car. My sister runs to hug him as Jason and I get the bags out of the boot. Then it’s my turn. My dad wraps his warm, big arms around me and presses my body against his bigger one.

“Oh, my lovely girls! How’s my favourite doctor?”

“Hi, dad, it’s nice to see you.”

“It’s very nice to see you too, Blueberry. I made soup and lamb for dinner.” He smiles.

“Thank you.”

“And garlic bread?” Coco asks. “Can we make garlic bread?”

“Already in the oven.” My dad winks at her and like that my sister is back to being. “Hello, Jason.” My dad shakes his hand. “I’m glad you could join us this year.”

“Thank you for having me, Peter.”

“No need to thank us. It’s our pleasure. Well, why don’t you show Jason around, Berry? Coco and I will get the mulled wine ready.”

“Yes! Mulled wine! This is paradise, dad. Where’s Rio?”

“He’s at the gym.” My dad explains. “Says he needs to make room for the lamb.”

The three of us laugh before my dad and Coco disappear down the hall towards the kitchen and Coco’s cheerful voice gets lower and lower until we can barely hear her. I show Jason around the entire house, the halls, the living room, the dining room, my dad’s studio... 

We climb the stairs. I get ready to open the door to my old room. I take a deep breath and keep telling him some stories about the house, like about that time Coco fell down the stairs when she was about six and everyone was so worried and then she just yelled I’m okay! from the bottom. 

Entering my room, I set my eyes on my empty desk. It looks like the room of someone who’s not there anymore and in a way I guess that’s what it is. This is the room of the girl I used to be but there’s little of her now. 

I remember it used to be a mess. I have lots of books and even now they’re all organized in the shelves like a library now, they used to be all over the room and all my records, now also carefully placed on the shelf, used to be all around too. It gives me chills to see the room like this but I guess it would be harder if it still looked just like it used to. I would notice Dylan’s absence more. 

“Berry, eh?” Jason teases. 

I roll my eyes. My dad always calls me with the most ridiculous nicknames ever. I’m going to defend myself but my breath catches on my throat when I see the bed. I remember every night I spent there with him and I know it would never come back. I storm out of the room. 

Jason’s quiet for the biggest part of the rest of the tour until he leaves his bags on his bed in the guest room. My mum decorated this room with warm colours because she says they help make the guest feel cosy and at home. I guess it depends on the guest for someone whose house was cold colour themed would hardly feel at home in a terra coloured room but if Mum says that’s the way it is, then that must be the way it is. She’s the painter after all. 

“I just have a question” he says “why did you never tell us you’re the princess of Genovia?”

I laugh and sit down on the cushion bench on the feet of his bed.

“I mean, this is the guest room and it’s bigger than the girls’ apartment in Grad.”

“It’s not.” I shake my head. “The living room might be.” I joke and he laughs. “I usually sleep here when I come home though. I was in my room when Dylan had the accident and sometimes it just gets suffocating in there.” I explain.

Jason stays quiet and I enjoy his silence for sometimes there’s little one can say.

We were on the phone. We were fighting. He had come visit me that weekend and it had been the best weekend we had had in months. The last part of our relationship was as messy as it could get; we would fight all the time. I would fight him about the weed and about how he was... Losing himself all the time. And he would tell me I had changed a lot and that everything in my life was perfect except from him and he would invite me to just break up with him and have a doctor boyfriend if I was so disappointed on him. I heard the crash. And then he died.   

“You can come sleep here if that happens.” Jason smiles. “Or we can swap rooms.”

I shake my head. I want to at least try. It’s been almost four years now and as tough as that memory is, I also have memories I treasured with my life. I remember Mum signing to me when I was little, Dad telling stories to Coco and me, Coco climbing in my bed when she was little and had nightmares. And I remember Dylan, I remember him trying to teach me how to play the guitar, me teaching him to braid my hair and I remember kissing him and him telling me he loved me. 

“Have you talked to David?” I need to stop thinking about that. 

“After breaking up with him, you mean?”

I nod and he shakes his head.

“I blocked his number and blocked him on every social media. Also deleted the apps at the risk of him creating a fake profile so as to be able to talk to me. I know it’s crazy but-”

“So is he.” I interrupt him, probably finishing his sentence and he chuckles.

“That’s right.”

I snort a chuckle and look down at my hands over the cushion. I’m sure this week I’m going to be out of it a lot of the times but I think Jason needs some time to himself too so it’s good our two sad asses are here together.

“You okay?”

“Yes.” I nod.

“Have you talked to him?”

My heart stops. For a second, I think he’s talking about someone who’s dead but then I shake my head. I did tell Harry not to contact me again and as strange as it seems knowing him, he might be respecting that. I don’t know if I really want him to though but I know it’s what’s best.

“Should we go downstairs have some of that mulled wine?”

“Yes, please.”

Dad and Coco are sitting in front of the chimney with a glass of mulled wine each when we join them. She’s telling him about Guido now. I feel bad for mum but she can’t keep a secret to save her life so it makes sense she wouldn’t tell her yet.

“Hi, guys.” My dad greets. “Do you like your room, Jason? Are you comfortable?”

“Yes, sir, thank you. It’s incredible.”

“I’m glad to hear that. Please, take a seat and help yourself with some wine.”

“Thank you.”

“So how are you, Dad?” I ask. 

“Can’t complain.” He smiles. “Rio’s doing great at the bank and we’re happy and my daughters are home for Christmas. Couldn’t ask for anything else.”

I smile at the sweet man who raised me.

“How are you, Berry?”

“I’m…” Should I tell him? “I’m good.”

He smiles but I know it’s his way of silently saying we both know that’s not true so I smile back and it’s my silent way of letting him know I don’t particularly want to talk about it.

“Have you seen the Meyers?”

My dad’s light hazel eyes set on mine. I know he’s taken aback by my serenity. I think I want to have a cup of tea with Dylan’s parents but it’d be great to have some background before I contact them.

“They passed by the bank in the morning, wished Merry Christmas like usual. Amalia cut her hair. It looks good on her.”

“I think I’m gonna text them. See if they’d like to have a cup of tea.”

“I think they’d love to.” He smiles. “I’m proud of you, Blue.”

I nod and give him a little smile and we all hear the door opening and my brother’s feet shuffling inside the hall. He drops his gym bag on the floor and Jason gets more excited than any of us. He’s got Rio’s fever.

“It smells like women in here.” Rio jokes.

“It smells like mulled wine, dofus.” Coco explains and he grins.

“Long time no see, Coconut.”

“She’s been busy with her boyfriend.”

“DAD!” She panics. “That’s exactly what I meant!”

My dad just laughs and then Rio’s interrogation begins. He asks for pictures, age, family name, degree and every little thing in between and Coco answers but cries for help at least five times.

I help my dad set the table while he finishes up with dinner and then the five of us sit around the table and enjoy dinner among shared stories of Rio’s adventure on the bank and the rumours he’s heard. Harry would like this nosy conversation too. But why am I thinking about him? He’s a junkie and a liar.

My dad tells us a messy love story between two of his associates and Rio adds the juicy comments every now and then. Coco and Jason are really invested but I know my dad is just filling in the conversation so I don’t have to participate. Much like me, he’s never been interested in other people’s business. As a matter of fact, he’s been in charge of the Anderson Bank for over thirty years and has never had trouble with any employee. He only learnt about relationships when he got invited to his employees’ weddings.

I look up to my father. He’s had everything handed to him on a silver platter but he’s able to admit it. He knows half the things he has, he doesn’t even deserve. For years I thought the right thing to do was getting rid of all of that but growing up I learnt, it’s a lot more useful to be a part of the system and make a change from within. 

Harry: Where are you?

I turn my phone upside down and look at my dad, pretending to listen. We usually disagree on pretty much everything but he still talks to me about politics and economy and all that and I like the way he disagrees with me. He gets frustrated because he treats me like an equal.

Where are you? 

My dad used to say I could do anything I wanted. He told my entire family I’d make a great cook when I was about sixteen just because I had taken upon creative cuisine and cupcakes with fondant and heart shapes. 

What does he care where I am? 

And then when I was seventeen, I started playing volleyball and he told everyone I’d be the national champion.

Why does he think it’s okay to text me at dinner time and ask my whereabouts?

And then… Then… Ugh, I can’t get the text out of my head.

“Blue, is everything alright?”

I look up at my brother’s concerned eyes and only then I realize I’ve been torturing the dead lamb on my plate. I clear my throat.

“Yes, I just have a virus or something on my phone.” I give him a tight smile.

“Alright.” He chuckles.

Jason types on his phone and gives me a look so I grab mine to see his text. There are messages from Harry.

Jason: What’s wrong?

Indie: Harry texted me.

Harry: Come on, Blue, it’s me.

Harry: Open the door.

“Who wants dessert?”

“Let it be chocolate coulant, let it be chocolate coulant.” Coco prays with closed eyes.

My dad laughs and makes his way to the kitchen with as many plates as he could get and Jason follows suit helping pick up stuff from the table. Rio hisses for me to look at him.

“Is the virus that guy you were seeing?”

“How do you even know about that?” I narrow my eyes at him threateningly so he would confess nothing but the truth.

“Mum and I talk, you know.” He shrugs.

I roll my eyes but his hand rests atop of mine on the table.

“If you want his legs broken, just say the word.”

“Rio!” I chuckle and he smiles.

“I’m just saying.”

         After dinner, Jason and I sit on the balcony despite the cold. We brought a little mulled wine and got blankets from the wardrobe before we sat down on my favourite part of the house. I have two armchairs and a small table in between on my balcony and the view is magnificent. You can see the mountains behind a huge, now snow-covered, forest of pines.

“Did you text him back?”

I shake my head.

“And do you want to?”

“It doesn’t matter what I want to.” I sigh.

“I think it does.”

I tilt my neck to give him a warning glare.

“Olivia and I have talked.”

“About me?” I frown. “And why do you think I care about that?”

“I agree with her.” He confesses.

I have a long sip of my wine to busy my tongue and not curse at him.

“For all we know, it must have been the first time he smoked weed. I mean, think about it, he was really affected wasn’t he? And he told you several times he didn’t want to talk in that moment. He didn’t want to discuss it with you while he was high, Indie. I think that means he cares.”

“I think that means he was that high he couldn’t even think properly.”

“And yet he was lucid enough to know that was not how he wanted to be when he talked to you about that.”

“Why are you defending him?”

“I’m not defending him. I just think you’re overreacting, which is normal, I mean. We all know why you took it like that but he doesn’t, does he?”

I sigh and look ahead at the mountain.

“I mean… You’re getting mad at him because he didn’t tell you about that but there’s a lot of things you didn’t tell him about, either. Can you get mad at someone for keeping secrets from you while keeping secrets yourself?”

“I don’t do drugs, Jason. It’s not the same.”

Jason sighs.

“Before it happened, you were… Happy. I haven’t seen you that happy since Dylan passed” he whispers that part, afraid to bring upon us the weight of those words “and it’s all on Harry.” He shrugs. “So I think he deserves to at least be listened to. I mean you don’t even know why he was high.”

“Because he smoked weed, Jason, there’s just one explanation.”

“I mean why he smoked.” He chuckles. “Haven’t you thought about that?”

No, I haven’t.

“It was a family reunion, J. You weren’t there but it was cousins and aunts and his mum for the love of God. Who gets high with his family there? It was his older sister’s birthday.”

“That’s right. The same sister who was on the car the night he crushed it. Now, I don’t know why he crushed the car or how the accident was but neither do you and don’t you think it must be hard? Whatever the reason was, to be at your sister’s birthday, someone who’s on a wheelchair somehow because of you?”

My anger drops a knot. Or two.

“You said he doesn’t drink, right?”

I nod.

“And he… He has trouble sleeping.” I add.

He’s tortured about his sister’s accident and now I understand it a lot more. He lied to me that one time too, when he explained to me why he felt so terrible about it. He doesn’t feel guilty because he didn’t help during her recovery. He feels guilty because he thinks it’s his fault and for all I know it might be.

“He should have told me sooner.”

“That’s true.” Jason agrees. “I’m not saying you shouldn’t be mad. You have every right to be. Just… Don’t pretend like you don’t care about him.”

I feel my bottom lip quivering, but this is just Jason. It’s okay to cry in front of Jason.

“I… I don’t want to do it again, J; to think I can fix him because I can’t. I’ve been there before and I don’t want that again. He…”

Warm arms wrap around me so I rest my head on his shoulder.

“He’s not Dylan, Indie. He wasn’t driving that night.”

             I think I fell asleep after that because I wake up on Jason’s bed and see him peacefully sleeping beside me. I’m happy he’s here and I’m happy he’s finally free from fucking David Dick. He didn’t deserve the way he treated him, no one does. I have five missed calls and new texts from Harry. He really isn’t given up, is he? 

Harry: I know you’re with your dad. I’m glad you’re okay and with your family.  

Harry: I’m truly sorry, Indie.

I don’t like it that he calls me Indie. It feels like we’ve gone backwards but then again I guess we have. I don’t answer him because I still need to think. I’m not sure what I want even and I know if I see him or even hear his voice he’ll get in my head and I’ll say yes to anything he has to say because that’s how much of a fool I am.

I think I’ll go to the lake today, show Jason our rope and where we go in the summer. I get up from the bed carefully so as not to wake the Sleeping Beauty and make my way downstairs. Dad’s having a cup of coffee reading his newspaper in the kitchen and the image is so familiar I feel like nothing has ever happened. I wrap my arms around his chest from behind and know he’s smiling.

“Morning, Blue.”

“Morning, Dad. How did you sleep?”

He looks me in the eyes. I frown and suddenly feel the air falling on top of our shoulders. It’s like without saying a word, he set the mood for something terrible. I rest my hand on his shoulder.

“What is it, Dad?”

“I don’t want to scare you” and that’s how you scare someone “but… I’ve been feeling a little weird these past few weeks. I’ve been more tired than usual, more… Anxious, I guess I’d say and my chest started hurting just after walking to the bank every day so I went to the doctor and they did this bunch of tests, you know and it was all good except from an X-ray from my chest.”

“What is it?”

“They found a nodule next to my heart.” He swallows. “Now they don’t know yet whether it is on the lungs or the heart or the aorta or even the thyroid so they have to do some more tests but… They said it could be a tumour, Berry.”

His words are a direct punch in the guts but I know what he needs right now is not me crumbling so I do what I can to give him a smile.

“Well, it could just be. There’s a hundred other things that could be and even if it was a tumour, it might be a benign one and even if it was bad, the diagnose might be in time to fix it if they didn’t treat it like something urgent.”

“Thank you.” My dad smiles. “I know how hard it is for you not to say what your doctor’s mind is thinking.”

“This is my doctor’s mind speaking actually.” I tell him. “My daughter’s mind is running wild but doctor Anderson is calming Blue down.”

He smiles again and gets up from his chair and starts making French toasts for everyone. He shows me the x-ray and I pretend I don’t get scared shitless when I see it. The lump is as big as a peach and is right next to his heart. Now I don’t know what that is but it can’t be good.

Harry: Indie, I’m trying to give you space but I suck at this and I think the more space I give you, the harder it’s gonna be for you to listen to me.

Harry: I miss you.

Harry: And I’m very sorry.

“Who’s that?” My dad smirks. “Is that your boyfriend?”

How can he even care about it after what he just told me? His nosiness surprises me so I just stare at him as if the devil had possesed him. 

“Yeah, Blue, is that your boyfriend?” Jason smirks too.

I give him a death glare.

“Good morning, Jason.” My dad tells him.

“Good morning, Peter. So, what is it? Is he your boyfriend?”

“Don’t make dumb questions, Jason.”

“There are no dumb questions, honey.” My dad teases.

“Just dumb people, I guess.”

Jason just laughs and starts setting the table for breakfast as if he has been here before.

“Are you mad at a boy, honey?” My dad presses.

“If it was just at the boy, Peter, it wouldn’t be so bad.” I death glare at Jason again but it seems like he wants war today. “She’s mad at the world. She always is.”

“What was that?” I frown.

“Nothing.” Jason shrugs and gets the empty plates on the table. “I just want you to talk to him, I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

“So there is a he! I knew it.”

“Dad, stop.”

My phone screen illuminates and both Jason and I see Harry’s name. I defy him with my glare but he shakes his head. He’s not Ollie. Olivia would have picked up.

“He doesn’t give up.” My dad adds.

I can’t believe him. I grab my phone keen to set an end to this.

Indie: I’m with my family. I’ll talk to you if I want to.

Harry: Please want to.

Harry: Thank you for answering.

Oh, no, he’s going to act all kind and innocent now. I hate it. He’s not like this. He’s smug and irritating, he isn’t sweet and delicate.

After breakfast, Jason agrees to go for a run with Rio. I almost go along because Jason never runs, he just said he did to impress Rio, so I bet that has to be funny but I have something else in mind. 

Coco and Dad stay home to set the Christmas tree and I go to the lake with an old copy of To Kill a Mockingbird and my laptop. I re-read the book I’ve read at least five times and promise to myself I won’t google my dad’s x-ray, I know that’s probably the silliest thing to do but...  I send an email to professor Gibbins. I trust him and would like to know what he thinks. A second opinion is a thing. 

He sends me his phone number and tells me to call him and that scares me to death.

“Hello, Indigo.”

“Hi, doctor Gibbins.”

“Call me Danny, dude.” He laughs.

I swallow but appreciate the easing. I wonder if he’s using one of the techniques we learn in Comunication with me but don’t waste more time before I tell him what my dad told me in the morning. He sighs.

“Well, I’m seeing the radiography as we speak and I mean it could be anything.”

“Yeah but it doesn’t look good, does it?”

“He needs a surgery.”

Harry’s voice freezes my blood. I wasn’t expecting to hear his accent so soon, much less to say that. 

“Am I on speaker mode?”

“Mmm… Yes, I’m sorry. I’m at work and Harry was here. I thought two doctors were better than one.”

He’s probably right. Plus, Harry is the smartest person I know and I’m actually glad he asked him because as mad as I am at him I would love to know his opinion on this. He’s brilliant. I have no doubt of that. 

“Does he have high blood pressure, Indie?” Harry asks me.

“Yes.” I frown. 

“And did he feel a pain in the chest recently?”

“Yes!” 

There he is playing his magic. 

“I think it’s an aortic dissection. Look at it, it’s an A type.”

That last part wasn’t for me but for Danny. Why is he so smart? Why does everything he says seem so interesting and impossibly right to me? And why does he always make me feel safer and better? Why can’t he be normal, just like any other guy? And why did he have to ruin everything like that?

“If you need anything else, I can help you too.” Harry says very softly, as if he was afraid I was going to hang up.

“I know, and still I called Danny, didn’t I?” I sigh. “What do you think, Danny?”

“I think he’s right.”

“Okay. Thank you.”

I hang up without saying goodbye and hold my tears in before opening my book again. 

"First of all," he said, "if you can learn a simple trick, Scout, you’ll get along a lot better with all kinds of folks. You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view ... until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."

[ionica01]

Tagged

Maud girl, I love you, but you'll hate me for this ramble😅 A - Ships that you currently like a lot. (They don’t have to be OTPs because not everyone has OTPs.) Friendships, pairings, threesomes, etc. are allowed. Well, I'll go with all of them. For OTP, my biggest are EdWin and Royai (from FMA), Karmanami from Assassination Classroom and NaLu from FT. Friendships... I love GrayLu platonically and RoyxMaes is the best brotp😍 and of course I freaking loooove all friendships from Haikyuu and Akatsuki no Yona... And I love Zen and Mitsuhide's relationship in Akagami no shirayuki-hime and Al and Ed are best bros and the freaking platinocial relationship between Handa and Naru gets me everytime and I should probably gp to the next ask before I ramble more than necessary. B - A pairing–platonic, romantic or sexual–that you initially didn’t consider, but someone changed your mind. Asano x Nakamura... I never even imagined them as a couple... Until I read a perfect fanfiction... And now I ship⛵️⛵️ C - A ship you have never liked and probably never will. I'll be hated.... But EdxRoy (just no, okay?! Mustang's like a dad to Ed!!) and Shirayuki x Obi because Zen😍😍 (I love their friendship tho) D - A pairing you wish you liked but just can’t. Yamaguchi x Yachi because I wnat Yams to be happy... But HinaYachi is love, HinaYachi is life!! E - Have you added anything cracky/hilarious to your fandom? If so, what? Not yet, but I joined FMABigBang so I'll add Ed being an overprotective drama queen (or rather, king) dad, so stay tuned! F - What’s the longest you’ve ever been in a fandom? Hmm... Almost a year in the FT fanfom!!! Happy birthday, I guess? G - Have you ever had an OTP? If so, do you remember your first one? Who was in it? I live for my OTPs! (Which just proved why I'm still single... I have my whole life aheeeaaaad~~) I think one of my first conscious OTPs (in that I knew what that was) was Harry x Hermione and it was shattered to pieces... Damn you, JK Rowling! (I still love you). H - What is your favorite source text for fandom stuff (e.g., TV shows, movies, books, anime, Western animation, etc.)? Hmm... Anime. Because it's lively and you can actually picture the characters miving when reading a fanfic! I agree with manga too... And sometimes books. Movies feel just too real to be placed in cartoons, though. I - Has Tumblr caused you to stop liking any fandoms, if so, which and why? No, but the haters were closed to it. Tho I did stop liking the small Usagi Drop fandom because of the manga spoilers that ruined my experience... To those who want to watch it, take my friendly advice, PLEASE don't read the manga. The anime is the fluffiest thing, so please just watch that. J - Name a fandom you didn’t think about until you saw it all over Tumblr. (You don’t have to care about it or follow it; it just has to be something that Tumblr made you aware of.) Bnha, which is why I started reading it. And Voltron.... I'll watch that soon, too. K - What character has your favorite development arc/the best development arc? Uhm... Well that's a hard one. I absolutely love the subtle and endearing development in Oreki (hyouka) and Haruhi in Ouran, but my favourite has to go to Tsukki for how well-built it was!! Furudate-sensei, I bow im front of you. Also, honrable mention to Karma in Assassination Clasroom. L - Say something genuinely nice about a character who isn’t one of your faves. (Characters you’re neutral about are fair game, as are characters you merely dislike. Characters that you absolutely loathe with the fire of ten thousand suns are exempt, as there is no point in giving yourself an aneurysm over a character that you hate.) I don't especially love oikawa. I admire him a tone, and I have a lot of his quotes forever saved in my phone, and I think he's the best setter of them all (I'm sorry, he has more experience and tehnique than Kags or Asaaahi, tho I agree that they'll become better than him in one year's time). So there: I aknowledge his amazingness altough he isn't my fave. M - Name a character that you’d like to have for a friend. Edward. I want to spend a full day with him and learn how alchemy works (and we'd complain together about how short we are). Also, Haruhi: I feel like she'd give the best advice when I'd need it. N - Name three things you wish you saw more or in your main fandom (or a fandom of choice). My faveourite fandom is FMA: everyone gets love and attention, and there's little to no hate. What I'd like for it is to make it alive again! I mean, there are events and the such, but the manga finished almost 10 years ago, guys! I hope the new live action will bring us back alive. O - Choose a song at random. Which ship or character does it remind you of? Hmm... Well On my Own by Ashes Remain was the first one that popped into my head and it kind of reminds me pf Natsu. He's that character that would always smile, but he's always surpressing his feeling ('I've been stuck in a cage with my doubt/I tried forever getting out on my own') P - Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). Random AU...? Honestly, I'm not the biggest AU fan, but if I had to, I'd choose 'we've been stuck in a traffic jam for two hours and we're bored, let's play cards; hey wait Gray, you're cheeting; no way I'm not!; mira, doing cutesy things won't help you win... Laxus don't give in!!; if Laxus is allied with Mira so is the thunder legion! Then I'm starting one on my own! Erza, I'll join... Great, now we have Wendy on Erza's side... All dragon slayers together! And exceeds! Wait lucy, starting a female club isn't gonna help ya! ...guys? That's not how you play pocker!' AU. Okay, I may like this one in particular. Maybe I'll write it:) Q - A fandom you’ve abandoned and why. I've abandoned the HP fandom. I still like the books, but I kinda grew out of it...? (And into anime😇) R - Which friendship/platonic relationship is your favorite in fandom? Uhm... In which one? If I'm going with FT, my favourite friendship is GrayLu. In FMA, it's a tie... I love Roy/Hughes brotp and Al/Ed brotp. In Haikyuu... Damn they're too many to choose! But I'd say the Karasuno third years: they have such a tight-knit bond!! And in AssClass it would be Karma/Okuda (it's canon in my mind but friendship in the manga). I just love how easygoing they are. Also, I love Karma/Nagisa in the second half. S - Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged) Hmm... There are many. My fetish is seeing people sleep: I think you can tell alot about their inner selfes from the position they use when sleeping and from their habits, because they can't control or put up a façade when it comes to that. So my headcanon is that despite being loud and obnoxious, Natsu actually occupies less space than Lucy when sleeping: he takes a baby-posture, while she lashes all over the bed, sometimes punching him im sleep unintentionately. Natsu learnt to deal with it: he actually likes holding Lucy close to make sure she's safe while sleeping. She doesn't mind, especially not during winter. Oh and they also cuddle with a cup of hot coffee in their hands during the morning. Just an after-thought~~ T - Do you have any hard and fast headcanons that you will die defending? I do! I don't care if you agree or not, but Karma can be sweet, okay? Like he can actually be a good boyfriend (tho maybe a bit possessive). He's the best at telling what's on Okuda's mind and he always buys her toffee when she's feeling down. Oh and also, Riza is a very good mother, always putting her family first. Just letting you know. U - Three favorite characters from three different fandoms, and why they’re your favorites. Yes!! 1)Karma-assassination classroom. He's that one character that believes he's the best, only to get proven that he can be wrong. What's evenbegter is how he has room to develop and grow to be a better person... Plus, it seems I have a thing for evil goofballs. 2)This is a hard one, but Ed/Roy-Fullmetal Alchemist. I abso-freaking-lutely love all the characters in FMA, but these two attracted my attention. Ed because of how he thinks, how he wants to do good deeds in spite of his thorny exterior and how he miserably fails. I love the way he admits his failures and the way he deals with them can be childish (he's 14, for God's sake!) but he learns from them. Also, Roy because even though he went through Ishval, he still dreams of making the world a better place. I can respect a man who doesn't step over the ethics just to achieve that dream and who always bends and avoides hurting others, while never giving up. Maybe it's a dream, but I very much resonate with it. 3) Lucy from FT. She's the one character in Fairy Tail that has enough of a backstory and is weak enough to evolve. Moreover, she's not your typical girl: yes, she cares about how she looks, because she IS an woman, but she also cares about what's on the inside. She cares about her friends more than anything and even without being the strongest mage, still puts herself in danger for them. I love her resolve and her cute side, too. V - Which character do you relate to most? Hmm... Haruhi Fujioka from Ouran Highschool Host Club. Haruhi is the type to do things on her own and she repells the help of others to do her thing, which I also tend to do. Also, she shoulders a lot of her worries by herself. Plus, she never judges people on appearance and doesn't care about her own (being a girl, that's rare and helps me relate all the more). I just love her😍 (and sometimes am compared to her by my friends). W - A trope which you are virtually certain to hate in any fandom. Whiny female protagonist. I'm not a feminist or anything, but I've had enough of that! Yes, we all want a prince charming, but we can carry ourselves, thank you very much. X - A trope which you are almost certain to love in any fandom. Someone pursuing their dreams. Also, I love genre deconstructions (browny points if it's comedic). Y - What are your secondhand fandoms (i.e., fandoms you aren’t in personally but are tangentially familiar with because your friends/people on your dash are in them)? Voltron and Yuri on Ice (I feel like I've watched this shows even though I haven't). Z - Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go! (Prompts optional but encouraged.) Don't tempt me, I will! ( I kinda have this whole post tho) Okay so I'll rant about FMA because I feel it doesn't get all he love it deserves!!! (And because I refrained from fangirling on it up to now) And since we're talking FMA, let's talk Roy Mustang (you knew this would come). Roy is just one of those very strong people that are actually just goofballs on the interior and need love. Seriously, let's take a look at what this guy went through, ok? He's an orphan, but he never complains and learnt to love his cousins (sisters) and aunt (mom). He was taught by a pretty crazy (very talented, but Hawkeye did have a screw loose for inscripting a tatoo on Riza's back and you can't convince me otherwise) alchemist, and yet he managed to become the next flame alchemy. Despite being told not to, he joined the military with a childish dream and even after learning of the harsh reality in the Ishval war, he still went on believing that he can make the country a better place. Yet he's not perfect: he can lose his temper when it comes to those he loves (Mustang being killed) and he doesn't want any more people to die. He cheerisbes his team and wants to keep them all safe. He can be a cheapskate and also a bit of an annoying guy with Ed, and he can be obnoxious, yet funny as hell (tiny miniskirts!!!) Above all, Mustang feels HUMAN! Yes, he puts up a great act, but it's an *act*. He has a more sensitive side and you better not mess with it, or he'll burn you to ashes. This concludes the short version of my Roy Mustang appeciation post. Also, I have some headcanons about him being best dad (and his child being a daddy's girl/boy because of it) and of being a pretty intimidating Führer. This concludes my post. @bookstvseriesandanimes and @paperrabbit13 know what I'm talking about😅 And I tag @bookstvseriesandanimes @paperrabbit13 @shoujoinsights @candyforever123 @funnyshoujomoments and whoever else feels up to it:)