#no matter how small a role hes given they KNOW what the fuck is up with his character and his attitude and chef kiss

[narwhalandchill]

anyway putting aside how its not even ooc or "beneath him" at all for childe to mock and provoke people in general irregardless of whether he holds any particular distaste or malice towards them.

what i think this thumbs down denial debate debacle highlighted in general is how a bunch of people seem to have completely misunderstood why childe as a character tends to respect those he considers fellow warriors? like. ppl making these "oh its a call for help" "oh hes pointing at the narwhal for 'take it out'" "its a diving signal for down" "hes referring to himself going down" bc there was just No Way he couldve been mocking respectable and powerful neuvillette. just straight up seemed to have been under the impression that any powerful and combat capable individual past a certain power level automatically receives higher regard from childe when its... not the case at all? quite the opposite even.

like take him shittalking the other harbingers 24/7. its not like hes stupid hes absolutely going to be aware of the power differential between himself and some of the higher ranked ones (at least for the time being; after all hes always getting stronger). yet hes STILL delivering that diss track on the regular when nobody asked because power alone isnt what makes someone worthy of respect to him! its having that power AND taking a honest fucking fight with it as opposed to scheming and dirty tactics. thats why he cant fucking stand the majority of the harbingers. he respects a select few and in terms of high regard specifically as fellow warriors its arguably Literally just capitano and the tsaritsa herself. like if anything its completely plausible to me that childe might have even more disdain for the most powerful of his fellow harbingers since they COULD be fighting like real respectable people (to him) but still choose their shadowy machinations.

so like theres absolutely no reason why neuvillette simply by virtue of being oh wow so strong will somehow automatically gain childes respect especially when literally all he did was backstab him? sure thats a feat by itself and neuvis clearly fast and powerful but thats literally the OPPOSITE of what childe considers respectable conduct for a warrior.

like sure if neuvi somehow agrees to an all out apology spar to make up for the whole fontaine mess then its a different deal weve seen childes tendency to instantly forgive and resume friendly relationships with both traveler and zhongli after getting a good fight for it but like. childe at the point when the thumbs down happens has absolutely no reason to think particularly highly of neuvillette at all lmao. guy declares him guilty on clearly nonsensical grounds against his own personal judgement (& childes v big on committing to your own values too so thats ANOTHER no-no) of the disappearances case because a machine told him to, then ambushes him and now as the crisis reaches its peak is in the process of completely failing at holding the narwhal back for even a brief moment when childes been doing that for 40+ DAYS nonstop and already way past his limit yet STILL manages to rescue the civilians neuvi wouldve just helplessly watched get eaten.

like bruh. obviously childes mocking him to high heavens with the last 7 seconds of consciousness he had remaining are you kidding 😭

[oceansblvds]

not allowed — satoru gojo

pairing ; sensei!satoru gojo x student!reader

words ; 7.6k (my bad)

about ; you're given your first solo mission with your sensei gojo overlooking to make sure anything doesn't go wrong. both of you are aware that being borderline obsessed with the other is wrong, but who liked rules anyway?

warning(s) ; smut, oral (fem receiving), p in v sex, age gap but both are consenting adults, gojo may be a little ooc but support my delusions anyway, my yapping, not edited, longing? i don't fucking know.

author's note ; okay okay hi! this is different from my normal content but i've been obsessed with jjk recently and i have gojo brainrot. so consider this my beginning of many fics to come. feel free to request!

YOU HADN’T EVER BEEN ON A MISSION ALONE WITH YOUR SENSEI BEFORE. It was . . . Odd. Typically, one of your other classmates would accompany you along with your Sensei in order to encourage similar teachings. Though this time it seemed as though this mission was something that was matched to you, up your sleeve given your technical curse usage, and it was to be something that you did with the guidance of Satoru Gojo, and he was only allowed to intervene if you were going to get severely harmed. The town that you were assigned to, with a cursed spirit seemingly murdering children who went out into the sea too late at night, was a sleepy little town. You were sure that this was the first time that they had ever experienced turmoil like this, and they were happy to allow you and your Sensei to ‘investigate’ the murders. As you parked the car in the parking lot, you looked around, seeing several townspeople watch as you stepped outside of the drivers side of the road, Satoru out on the passengers side, both dressed in dark black clothing. He had made a joke about how he didn’t trust you driving at all, yet insisted that he wasn’t the one to get you two down there. 

I don’t drive myself places. 

Yeah, well, then he would put up with your driving after all. 

“I can feel your apprehension,” Your Sensei told you, walking in front of you up the stone stairs that came up to the front door of the place you would be staying in with him. Behind you was nothing but your car in the empty lot, the people watching getting uninterested as Gojo pulled out a key and began fiddling with the lock. Damn thing looked as though it had rusted at least three times over. You couldn’t wait to hear him complain about how you two should’ve been granted luxury. You hadn’t even been inside yet and you were already thinking about what he was going to say. The town was so small that there weren’t any hotels, the nearest one over an hour away, meaning that you would have to live in one of these larger homes on the beach for the time being. There wasn’t to be any distractions either, it was supposed to be a pretty open and shut case. Find the curse, exorcize it. It wasn’t that high of a grade anyways, or so you were told by your overachieving Sensei. 

If only people  knew that it didn’t matter if there was no one other than your Sensei to engage with, because Satoru Gojo, alone, was able to distract you for hours on end if you really put your mind to it. Satoru and you were very similar in age, early adult years, and yet he had the role of Sensei and you were still just a Student. You knew that it was because of his efforts of expelling Suguru Geto from the plane of existence, and that alone was enough to grant him the title of Special Grade Sorcerer, but it still was awkward at points when he talked down on you, because really, he had only four years more experience in life than you did.

You did what you were told. You always did. As a younger student you had a temper, a rebellious streak that for a time was almost concerning for the Jujutsu community that taught you. And yet, here you were, a respectful young sorcerer. Over the years you have grown, probably more than any other student that the community had seen, or at least, since your Sensei himself. It was like overnight somehow you turned from a child to a young woman, and you were adamant about completing your studies so that you could become a Special Grade. Those plans, however, were way easier said than done. You still had to work very hard to even get to the level of Gojo’s left hand in terms of strength and ability. But oh did you want it. You wanted all that power, and that was probably why he was so keen on teaching you, why he brought you on this mission in the first place. 

You were just like him, in a lot of ways. 

Satoru was not entirely a man of secrets. You could ask him things about almost anything and he would tell you. The only thing that he kept guarded in the deepest parts of his mind was things of his past, and his reasoning behind making such vast decisions like he oh so loved to do. But you and Satoru still managed to be very close, the cursed energy growing strong between both of you as if it too agreed in your compatibility.

You shook your head, immediately refuting his accusations. “No, it’s not apprehension,” you told him, eyes coming up to meet the back of his head since he wasn’t looking at you. “Just concern, that’s all.”

“That’s all?” Your Sensei questioned. The second that his foot came up to the top of the stairs, his figure turned around and faced you, those bold, blue eyes from under his black mask looking at you even if you couldn’t see it, you could definitely feel them there. “If you have any doubts about anything, tell me, I am your Sensei after all.” He loved calling himself that. 

That’s exactly that problem, you thought to yourself, making sure that your mental shields were up to guard it so that it wasn’t written all over your face. That was the last thing that you needed, for him to know the things that you wished to push down into the darkest depths of your mind. The thought of simply just being with him here alone made your brain almost electrify yourself, thinking about all the possibilities of slipping up and revealing all your emotions towards your Sensei directly to him. It was something to fear, and yet you were not allowed to fear, you couldn’t fear someone like him who was supposed to teach her. 

You offered him the fakest smile that you could muster, saying, “Yes, I’m alright. Let’s just get inside, it’s almost dark.” The setting sun was directly to your back, illuminating him in front of you like he was something to be marveled at. And to your defense, Satoru Gojo was definitely something to be marveled at. His chiseled cheeks only looked more distinguished in the golden light, along with his silver-esque blonde hair that seemed to catch it just right. It made you feel weak in the knees, these thoughts of him, and you knew it was wrong to think of him in such ways - but you just couldn’t stop. Every time you tried to vilify him in your mind, another reason why you should love popped right back up in its place. It was a deadly cycle that you have shamelessly fallen victim to, and there was nothing that you could do to stop it or further this attraction. It was forbidden. He was your teacher.

The moment that you stepped into the building, a sigh left your lips, eyes taking in all your surroundings. It was marvelous. There were marbled stone floors that were covered in rugs in some places, plush couches in the middle of the room, and off to the side were the counters of the kitchen, all looking as if no one had ever stepped foot in here. Suddenly you felt out of place here, like you weren’t good enough to live in such a lavish way. After all, your dorm room at the school was nothing compared to this. They were bland, sandy and brown colors everywhere. Only a dresser with a small mirror and a bed were in it. Yet here, there were different hues of reds, greens, and blues, tables and chairs and fancy lamps, and plants that added almost another dimension to the already breathtaking house.

“It’s - It’s,” You started, not able to find the correct words for what you were trying to say.

Luckily, Gojo finished your sentence, “Breathtaking. It’s breathtaking.”

You turned to look back at him, taking in his features for just a moment more.

Breathtaking, you thought to yourself. Yes, everything here is just breathtaking.

-

The soft silks of your bed sheets rolled between your fingers, tempting you to lay into bed and never get back up. How on Earth were you supposed to find this curse when you were living like this? You could imagine yourself, not as a sorcerer but as a normal person, eating wild berries as you sat on your bed near the balcony, looking towards the horizon and not having one single worry in that head of yours. It was tantalizing, the perfect picture in your mind of what you wished to be.

“Why do you have that dumbfounded look on your face?”

You spun around to only be met with Satoru, who was leaning against your doorframe effortlessly. Has he always been that tall? A heat rose up to your cheeks, realizing that you hadn’t been taking the proper precautions of keeping those thoughts only to yourself, it was written all over your face. They were just little flings of ideas, nothing too brash that could get you into any trouble. “I shouldn’t have been thinking of slacking off when we have work to do in the coming days.”

A chuckle escaped his lips from deep within his chest. “It’s okay, Y/N, really, if I am being honest, I was thinking the same not too long ago.”

That was shocking news to you. You always thought that Gojo always wanted to be on the run, as if this trip that he had to take with you was annoying to him because he had to take time away from much more special missions that he would get to be the leader of. But it also made sense, even victorious Special Grade Sorcerers get tired sooner or later. Perhaps you didn’t know him as much as you thought that you did. This trip wasn’t just for you, it was for the both of you. It was good to go back to basics, even for someone as powerful as him. 

“And here I was thinking that you didn’t want to be here,” You mused.

Satoru laughed at your jest. “No, quite the opposite. It’ll be nice to take a step back from life for a little bit and get to watch you do all the work.”

“I didn’t know that Satoru Gojo knew what rest meant,” You continued on with your playful banter.

“I don’t,” He chuckled. “Maybe you can teach me?”

Now that sends you through a loop. You knew that he was probably just playing around with you, since you were teasing him a little bit. But that sentence was enough for that place in your mind to unlock all the fantasies you had in your head about him, the ones that you only dared touch when you knew you were alone and it was the dead of night. You held yourself back from becoming flustered, knowing the moment you showed any signs of it that he would know that something was up. Instead you simply nodded your head, taking your eyes off of him to the balcony that was open to your room, seeing the way that the moonlight illuminated the waves of the water. “Perhaps after investigating tomorrow, we could go by the water?” You asked him.

“Sure thing,” Satoru said, turning on his heel and making his way out of your room. You took a sigh of relief at his absence, not because you wanted him gone, but because seeing him in such a leisurely setting was starting to get to your head. That dizzy feeling that got to your head every time you looked at him for too long started to subside, and you were left with only your thoughts as you put away some clothes you packed for the stay.

The moment that your head hit the soft, plush pillow of your large bed, you were completely enveloped by sleep. In your dreams you only saw you and Satoru, happy and smiling in the gracious flower fields you had passed on the way here, preparing meals together half dressed in the kitchen, and falling asleep in each other’s arms. It was so real and lifelike that when you woke up in the morning, you felt as if you had awoken from an alternate universe.

-

Satoru didn’t know what he was doing.

Of course he was excited to be able to take a break from the long days of having to deal with the stupid fucking orderlies at the school, but at the same time he knew that being alone with you was going to be a struggle for him. Gojo loved to train you, he really did. You were a loyal student and was eager to learn from his instruction. He knew the moment that he saw you that he wanted to train you. But he hadn’t prepared for him to become so emotionally attached to you, and it was tearing the young teacher apart. 

It was incredibly taboo of him to gain these feelings for two reasons. One: he should really learn to teach other people so that he wasn’t spending all his time giving all of his ‘wisdom’ (as he liked to call it) to you. Two: you were his student. It may have been different if you were within the same ranks as him, but you were not. He was supposed to be your teacher, and there was no way that he would take advantage of his position of power over you if you were not willing.

He, too, was having doubts about this mission. Satoru almost asked Nanami if he would accompany the two of you for as long as it took, but there was too much going on for him to take any time off from his job, and Satoru was sure that it was just an excuse so that he didn’t have to tolerate him more than necessary anyways. So it was just you and him, alone in this house in this beautiful town.

The next day rolled along and you two had spent most of it investigating, talking to locals, etc. It was incredibly boring for him, though part of him felt incredibly proud that you were able to do everything on your own without any hiccup. You two had devised a plan for tomorrow to go after the curse directly from the source: a small cove near some cliffs by the beach. You would go at night and hopefully be able to catch it before it brought in any more deaths into the waves. 

He was so engrossed in his own head that he didn’t even realize you had walked up to him. 

“You promised we could go to the water afterwards,” You told him, hoping that you were jogging his memory from last night.

But you didn’t need to jog Satoru’s memory, because he had been thinking about it ever since you asked. Thinking about having to watch you submerge under the water and come back up, drops of clear blue dripping down your exposed shoulders, and keeping himself from doing something that he would most likely regret when you would reject him, scolding him for his thinking. He thought about the way he wanted to put his hands on your hips and pull you as close as you possibly could get to him, taking the opportunity to pepper kisses along your smooth skin. It killed him to think that you probably didn’t think the same way about him, it was going to goddamn tear him apart.

Nevertheless, he wasn’t going to go back on his promise to you. It was the least he could do after thinking such sinful things about you. Gojo gave you a nod and walked beside you on the short trail to the ocean from the house you were staying at. You could hear the water ripple towards the small shoreline, coming up and then receding back again in a timely fashion. You kicked off your shoes, deciding that your tank top and pants were okay to get wet, especially since you wouldn’t take the risk of undressing in front of Satoru. As much as the thought was tempting, you knew better than to test your luck. He watched with intensity as you got into the water, going deep enough to where only the tops of your shoulders and up were exposed. Fuck, he cursed himself, did you have to look so good barely doing anything?

You cocked your head to the side. “Well … are you going to get in or just stare at me?” You asked, immediately submerging yourself under the water to ignore what he had to say about your teasing. Your heart thumped profusely as you sat there under the water holding your breath. Satoru had been looking at you.

He mentally cursed himself once again, taking his shoes off and following you into the water. It did feel good, the water having an almost calming effect over him as he walked deeper in the lake. He looked around him, taking in the appearance of all the beautiful trees that lined up, beautiful fruit hanging off of the branches. Little flowers were along the bay, facing right towards him as if they were welcoming him to their home.

The sun spilled harsh rays along his skin, causing Gojo to dip his head down fully into the water. Once he came back up for air, his eyes shifted over to you, both of you holding a type of eye contact that you swore almost knocked your breath out. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced before, like he was looking right into your soul and you to his, a sense of desire burning a pit in your stomach. Feeling exposed, you shifted your gaze to the fish swimming in the water near you. You could still feel his eyes on you, in them holding truths that he wished to tell you, but being unable to put the words together to explain.

-

“There’s something that you’re not telling me.”

Your eyes opened at your Sensei’s voice and looked directly at him. You had been simply laying on your bed before sleeping, on your phone, trying to distract yourself with something dumb online before being able to sleep. You had only just closed your eyes as he walked in. At school they usually kept you on some kind of schedule, though here with Satoru, rules were a little - no, more loose than normal.

He once again stood in your doorframe, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed in, like he didn’t feel like he had a place stepping into your bedroom. You searched his face to gauge a feeling for what he was talking about, looking for hints of mischief or anger. There was nothing, his face was completely blank, almost too blank like he was hiding something from you.

You knew you had nothing to hide — or at least nothing that he should know about. “I don’t know what you mean,” You replied, uncrossing your legs from their criss cross position and hugging them close to your chest. “Have I done something wrong?”

That answer seemed to not satisfy him, because for a moment something flickered in his eyes. “No, nothing like that,” He told you, furrowing his brows together under the mask and taking a tentative step closer into your room. “It’s just, I get this feeling when I’m around you. Like something is just gnawing at you and I can’t stop thinking about it.”

Oh, you were screwed. Alarms blared in your mind, thinking about how you had let your thoughts run too much during this trip. All the worst outcomes of this came to your mind, like how he would laugh at your growing feelings towards him, how much you wanted him almost shamelessly. It made your stomach twist into several knots, wanting to bury yourself into a hole and never ever come out of it again.

Your face must’ve told it all, because he spoke again, saying, “There. Right there. I can feel it, Y/N. Just talk to me. What is going on?” Your bottom lip quivered, knowing that there was no way you were getting out of this. This was it. The day you had been dreading and hoping didn’t come. Everything was about to come crash down onto your life.

“I can’t,” You said in a low voice, shifting your weight to sit at the edge of the bed, putting your head into your hands and staring down at the plush carpet in an attempt to get away from his stare. Almost as if you thought if you looked away long enough, he would suddenly disappear.

“What do you mean ‘you can’t’? You’re my student, you can tell me anything.”

Student. The title felt foreign in your mind now. It was something that you knew you couldn’t hold onto for much longer once the truth was out. You would be stripped of it and be a sorcerer no more. The school would hear of your feelings and immediately expel you. Student. Student. Student. The more the word bounced around in your mind the more you felt tears welling up into your eyes.

And you didn’t mean to sound so harsh when you said it, but your hands were balling up into fists as you said, “That’s what’s wrong!” Your head tilted up, seeing that Satoru had walked closer to you, towering over your frame. His face showed confusion, not understanding what you were alluding to. He didn’t even have to say it, but his expression was saying explain.

How could you even begin?

You were wordless.

“Please . .  . I just want to help you,” Gojo told you, his hand coming to grab onto your forearm. The touch felt like hot coals on your body, scorching your soul. “I don’t like seeing you like this.” Which you knew translated to I don’t like not knowing how to fix it.

“It’s you,” You confessed. “I can’t stop thinking about you.”

For a moment, Satoru thought that he had stepped into some parallel universe. Or that this was some sort of prank let on by someone else. There was no way that this was happening, you were confessing. You had been thinking about him, probably as much as he was thinking about you. It felt as if the world had turned on its axis and was spinning the opposite direction.

You, on the other hand, were waiting for the words that never came. You expected him to immediately tell you that he was going to report you to . . . oh you didn’t even know. And yet, he stood there, almost looking as dumbfounded as you did, maybe even more. This prompted you to stand up, his hand falling down and getting dangerously close to your own.

“I know …” You started again, seeing as he wasn’t going to say anything. “I know that it’s wrong, that I shouldn’t be thinking of you in the ways that I am. But I can’t stop, Satoru, you consume me.”

The usage of his name snapped him back to reality and out of his own spinning thoughts, and hearing it come from specifically your lips was not helping his frame of mind. It sounded … different coming from your mouth. Like you were saying it like a praise rather than just a passing phrase like most people did. He wanted you to say it over and over again, repeating it like a mantra you were to speak or you would die if you didn’t. His eyes flickered into your own and saw how scared you were of how he would react and how he was definitely not helping to settle your nerves.

In truth, he didn’t know how to handle this situation. After all, this was not a lesson that had been given to him and he was definitely not in the best place to tell you anything, since his emotions were starting to cloud his judgment and all he could think was how he wished to tell you he felt the same way.

You waited for his response, getting impatient and wanting to just get this over with. You were waiting for the words he was supposed to say.

But Satoru didn’t always do the things he was supposed to do, in fact, he almost never did the things that he was supposed to. So why would he think to start now?

“You and I both know that this isn’t allowed,” Satoru said. “And yet I can’t stop thinking about kissing you.”

A visible look of shock washed over your face, mouth opening slightly and eyes widening, heart pounding against your ribcage. His hand reached down and grabbed your own, fingertips softly touching the palm of your hand. This felt like a dream. Were you sure that you weren’t dreaming? No, this was definitely real. Satoru was in front of you for sure, confessing that he was feeling the exact same way.

Satoru tipped his head down to meet your own, his breath fanning along your face, making you shiver. Your breath hitched in your throat, his lips brushing against your own, almost like he was testing you. You could feel the tips of his hair tickling against your forehead, nose against nose. You were so close. The hand on your own was grasping now, pulling your body close to his. And the two of you sat there, lips millimeters close while each of your minds buzzed with the feeling of doing something so daring.

You felt yourself going mad, you couldn’t do it anymore. You couldn’t wait. All of your feelings erupted inside of your throat and suddenly you were kissing him, lips smashing against his own with no care in the world. You didn’t care about the ramifications, the school … anything. All you cared about was Gojo, wanting as much of him that he was willing to give you.

You had never really kissed anyone before. There was a moment back when you were only ten and you were with another student, seeing one of the citizens of Tokyo kissing each other on the street. Interested in what they were doing, you and your friend kissed, thinking that it was weird and dismissing it. That had been your first kiss, a rather embarrassing one, but it was nothing compared to the way Gojo kissed you. He kissed you like there was a purpose to every single move of his muscles. He kissed you like you were forbidden fruit and he was starving.

His other hand came up to the back of your neck, tangling in your hair and keeping your face close to his. For just a moment his tongue slipped into your mouth and you made a small sound, butterflies swarming in your stomach. You tried to mimic what he was doing, going with your instincts and grasping onto his bicep, feeling the taut muscles under your touch.

Everything about yours and his actions were needy and hungry, wanting each other with such need that you had pushed down for so long. All of it seemed to come out of you like crashing waves. The kissing was nice, though after a while you needed more, you were dying for more of him. Please, Satoru, you thought.

As if he could read your thoughts, he pulled away, a string of saliva the only thing connecting you two. “What do you want?” He whispered, tilting his head to the side and giving you one of those damn smirks of his. Of course he wanted you to say it. And you knew better than to not do what he wanted. 

“You, Satoru, I want you,” You whispered to him, as if someone was going to hear if you talked too loud. “Please.” You thought that you probably sounded like someone desperate, and in a way you were, you had waited for this forever and had convinced yourself that it would never happen. But he thought the exact opposite, he marveled in the way that you looked at him, wanting to show you how much you truly meant to him. The attraction and lust was there, intermingled with something more that neither of you dared to acknowledge.

He didn’t hesitate to give you what you wanted, slowly inching you towards the bed and helping you rest on your back, the silk sheets against the back of your arms and neck. Satoru was quick to follow, climbing on top of you and connecting his lips onto the skin right below your jaw. His lips were soft like snowflakes falling onto your skin, creating a masterpiece on your skin like you were his canvas. It all felt too good, the heightening the sensations to an almost unbearable amount. It sent shockwaves to your core, igniting a feeling you often only felt during the late hours of the night.

Seeing how well your body responded to him, well, almost drove Gojo crazy. You were so willing, so ready for him that his mind became cloudy, the only thing he could make out was his thoughts of you. His lips trailed down from your jaw to your neck, paying extra attention to the places that made you breathe out more than the others. He pressed a searing kiss to your pulse point, his teeth grazing the nerve and using his lips to suck a deep, purple mark into your skin. And then, when he felt it was the right time, he did it again and again, properly marking you as his. He didn’t care anymore. Your hands found their respective place in his hair, feeling the softness of the blond tufts between your fingers. It was so damn soft that you wondered how you had resisted the urge for so long before. 

Your clothes suddenly felt foreign on your body, you wanted them off, you wanted his off so that you could see all of him. He seemed to hear your thoughts, humming against your skin and pulling away, pressing a soft, firm kiss to your lips and helping you get out of them, and in turn you helped him get out of his.

Gojo’s body was like nothing you imagined. He was breathtaking. You knew that he had a nice body because of all the training and countless amounts of physical strain he has been through, but looking at those abs that he had, along with the sun kissed skin he had, you felt your throat close up, feeling inferior to what he looked like. “You’re beautiful, Y/N,” He said. “Don’t ever think that you’re not.” And you believed him.

His hands came to your hips, fingers toying with the fabric of your underwear that was the only thing blocking him from seeing you fully. His eyes scanned you, taking in the sheer and utter beauty before him. He wanted to kiss, lick, and nip on every single inch of skin on you. He wanted to learn each and every single curve, hear every story behind your scars, and know just what touches would have you squirming from underneath him. He wanted to know exactly where he had to kiss to get those sweet sounds out from you and he was sure that he could spend hours just doing that. 

No one has seen you this exposed before. You didn’t know whether or not to feel embarrassed, because he seemed to know what he was doing. You hadn’t felt the need to do anything like this with anyone else, not when you were too busy lusting over your teacher for so long. You didn’t want anyone to take that last bit of innocence from you except him, you were sure of it. And only now did you actually realize what was going to happen. Who was he to leave you pining and wanting, when you were basically offering your virginity up on a silver platter for him?

Your whole body felt hot, needing to feel the release that was beginning to build up from all of his kisses and your imagination running its course. “Satoru,” You breathed out, not knowing how to form into words what you wanted from him. Of course he knew, he could feel your hands pulling into his hair, all the while he began to whisper all the dirty little things that he wanted to do with you. How he wanted to keep you here all for himself, how he wanted to taste every single inch of you, and everything else that he could think about. After all, neither of you were hiding anything anymore. He knew exactly what he was going to do to you so that he could hear the plethora of moans that he knew you had just for him, wanting to hear his name come off of your lips in pleasure.

His head ducked down and kissed your hipbone, fingers hooking under your underwear and slowly sliding them off. Your eyes stayed on his actions, mouth forming into an ‘O’ when you realized what he was going to do. He was going to use his mouth on you. These were only things that you thought in your deepest, darkest fantasies, like he had reached into those parts of your mind and did exactly what you wanted.

As if Satoru was just tempting you, he pressed another slow kiss to the inside of your thigh and then did the same thing to the other side. Your hips lifted up only slightly, showing him that you couldn’t wait much longer. A chuckle left him, eyes reaching your own and saying, “Eager?” You weren’t even ashamed when you shook your head, keeping eye contact with him as he licked a bold stripe right up your slit. It felt as if an earthquake hit your body, your back arching and hands gripping onto his hair.

He hummed against you, liking the way that you responded to his actions. If he had it his way, he would sit here with you like this for hours on end, bringing you up to that high place again and again until you were a wrecked mess before him. It made him simply go crazy to think that he was the first person to ever do this to you, that he would be the first of anyone to hear those moans and profanities that slipped from your cherry kissed lips. Satoru’s own thoughts made him groan out, a noise that you played on repeat in your mind as your eyes screwed closed.

Your thighs quivered beside his face, attempting to squeeze shut so that you could keep him there forever. But his hands came and held them in place, fingers digging into your muscles that gave in to his touch like it was nothing. You were putty in his hands, the only movement you had was your hands pulling on his hair and the arch of your back while he lapped his tongue against you with no mercy.

“Stay still,” He told you, pulling away for a moment to lick what was left of you on his lips. You nodded, chest heaving and heart sinking at the loss of contact. But Satoru didn’t leave for long, his mouth on your clit accompanied with one of his fingers circling your entrance. You nearly lost it when he dipped his middle finger in experimentally, gauging your reaction. You could feel the coil in your stomach start to tighten, which only amplified once his finger pushed into you all the way.

You didn’t even attempt to try and censor the obscenities that came out of your mouth, mixed in rhyme with his name. Satoru. Satoru. Satoru. It was the only word that felt real in your mind.

You waited for that final jump towards a euphoric end, but it never came. Instead Satoru pulled away from you and his fingers left, making you feel uneasily empty. Opening your eyes, you saw that he was pulling down his boxers, taking his cock into his hands and watching as you almost became slack jawed - realizing what was about to happen. A moment of worry nestled its way into your mind, making your heart thump. If anyone was to find out, you would surely not be accepted back into the school. You would never be able to have Gojo again. It was your moment to choose. You knew that if you backed out, at least you would be able to work under him still and not have his affections. It would be better than never seeing him again. And yet, you couldn’t see your life without him, all of him. Not just the side that was your Sensei.

Satoru sensed your worry, taking your chin in his hands so that you looked up at him. “Are you sure?” He asked you, not wanting to move forward before you were ready. And God, were you ready. “Because once I start, I don’t think that I’m ever going to get enough of this pretty pussy.” 

And with all the courage that you mustered up, you gave him a small smile and said, “Yes.” You felt like you were flinging yourself off of some sort of cliff, or even more sinfully feeling like you were Persephone, cutting up her own slice of pomegranate and looking right into Hades eyes as she tasted the fruit, securing your fate that you would stay with him. You would stay with Satoru, even if it was only for this night.

He nestled between your legs and you could feel his tip press against your entrance. Air was caught in your lungs, sitting up on your elbows so that you could see as he eased himself into you. A sting of pain and a subtle feeling of pleasure was seated inside of you, watching as his cock was enveloped by you inch by inch. Satoru hissed at the feeling, you were so goddamn tight and he never wanted to stop from being inside of you. You looked down at where he was inside, thinking about how you could do this all day every day for the rest of your life. You now understood why this was so talked about, why your body craved it so much. Once all of him was inside, he leaned over so his head was in the crook of your neck, pressing a kiss to your searing skin as you adjusted to him bottoming out.

You urged him to continue, thinking that the discomfort would soon go away with time. And you were eager to get all of him that you could, temptation coming forward instead of reason. He pulled out all the way then eased himself back in, continuing the slower pace and watching your reaction before him, your hands reaching to his back and finding their place there. One of his hands kept your legs open, taking you by your thigh and hoisting it up.

It took all that he could muster to not just ram into you, the want starting to cloud his judgment. The cursed energy between the two of you felt as if it was pushing both you and him towards each other, the connection almost driving each of you crazy. “You feel …” He started. “You feel so good.” That alone, along with the raspiness in his voice, made a fire erupt in your stomach. You sighed in response, eyes fluttering closed once again.

And then, much to his surprise, you whispered, “Go faster, Satoru.” You needed him so bad you felt like you were going to explode, lust enveloping the both of you and intertwining with your energies.

He didn’t need to be told twice, and he gripped onto the leg he lifted up, beginning a slightly faster rhythm that had you arching your neck and back, eyes rolling to the back of your head. Satoru was so big, stretching you out in just the right way that had you almost keeling over if he hadn’t had such a tight grip on you. Your one leg wrapped along his waist, heel digging into his back while his pace increased.

This angle he had you in made you yelp and moan shamelessly, not caring if people all the way in the capital could hear you as you yelled his name like a prayer. His pace finally became a fast rhythm and you found comfort in being able to finally feel nothing but pleasure with every deep stroke he made.

In this place, it was only you and him. Like you were in your own little place of paradise where you could explore each other in every way. There was nothing that could take this moment from you or him, this moment would forever be engraved in your mind for many years to come, remembering the way that he moaned out your name and the way he looked when you opened your eyes to peek at his face. His brows were furrowed, sweat beading on his forehead and mouth spilled open saying nothing but your name.

He made you feel so good, so euphoric that the fire grew and grew, becoming a wildfire raging inside of you. And you looked so heavenly to him, the way that your eyes only looked at him, breasts bouncing with every harsh thrust he gave you. You took him so well, like you were made for only him. His hips brushed against your own, hand coming up to caress your cheek, forcing you to look him in the eyes. “I want to see you look at me when I fuck you,” he whispered, a deep sense of posessiveness suddenly washing over him. 

You weren’t going to last much longer. Not with the way that he was pounding into you with sheer force you didn’t know was possible until now. But you didn’t want this to end, you never wanted this to end in fear that things would go back to the way they were before. You would have to try and forget that this ever happened. It wasn’t something you wanted to do and didn’t even know if you had the strength to do it. After this moment both of you would be connected.

You made a guttural noise, teetering over the edge of what felt like a wave of bliss. This was it, there was no way that you could keep yourself from it now. It only took a singular deep stroke of his cock to send you right over the edge, your back arching and body spasming, his name rolling off of your tongue in the most sinful way you have ever said it before. Your hands gripped for any part of him that you could reach, groping his muscles to keep him close to you. He didn’t stop moving inside of you, making you ride it out even harder as he chased his own high. 

“Yeah? You came all over my cock like a good student, didn’t you?” 

You could only whimper in response. 

You were so sensitive as he fucked into you, giving you no mercy. He groaned as you came, watching the way that your eyes screwed shut and mouth opening in as you sucked in harsh breaths. You could feel his cock twitch inside of you and you knew that he was close, wondering if he was going to cum inside of you or pull out before he did. He did the latter, taking one more deep stroke before pulling out. Satoru was about to start stroking himself with his hand but you rushed with your own to meet him there, using your own and pumping a few times.

A string of profanities came from his lips as he came, white hot liquid spurting onto your stomach, dripping like beads coating your skin. He had no shame as he shuddered, muscles flexing with every passing second. He drank in your body, seeing how wet you were for him, how soft your hand was on his cock, how much he longed to see you like this more times before you and him left. And soon enough he was finished, the only thing between both of you was both of your panting breaths.

Satoru moved to grab something on the floor, realizing that it was the shirt he had on before and moving to wipe your stomach off, dropping it to the floor and coming to lay down next to you. You winced for a moment as you moved to look at him, his own eyes staring at the ceiling. You were scared of what was to come next, if there was anything that was supposed to come next. You knew that the two of you couldn’t be together, at least openly, though it was even risky to continue doing something like this in private.

“Satoru,” You called out to him, forcing him to look at you. “What will happen next?”

“I don’t know, Y/N, I don’t know,” He responded. All he knew was that he wanted you, again and again. In the domestic moments and in the explicit ones like before. You were so tantalizing, and he realized now that because he had tasted the forbidden fruit that was you, he would never be able to stop. There was simply no way that he would be able to conceal his want for you from you anymore.

You waited for his answer, knowing that it would probably be one you didn’t want to hear. But for the second time this evening, Satoru surprised you again.

He leaned over and kissed you.

And you knew his answer from that.

[cruedxm]

𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐄 𝐖𝐎𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐍𝐒𝐅𝐖 𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍𝐒

𝐂𝐀𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐘𝐍

𝐃𝐈𝐒𝐂𝐈𝐏𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐄: Given she’s an officer and enforcer of the law, she’s bound to have some sort of disciplining kink. Her favourite thing to do (other than sex) is to spank you silly when you act out of line. Bonus points if you’re from Zaun.

𝐁𝐎𝐍𝐃𝐀𝐆𝐄: Caitlyn’s a freaky gal at heart. So a bit of bondage during sex is an almost must. There’s something about seeing you in handcuffs that gets her motor humming, and even more so if you’re playing the role of a criminal that needs to be brought to justice.

𝐄𝐃𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐆: Again, this is part and parcel of the whole discipline kink. To punish you for being bad, she takes glee in edging you for hours, building your orgasm up just to stop and leave you high and dry. And when you’re finally good enough, she’s kind to grant you a mindbreaking orgasm that’ll have you trembling.

𝐕𝐈

𝐎𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐅𝐈𝐗𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: Vi’s a service top. It’s in her blood to want to serve those who matter the most to her. So as her lover, you’re in for a lovely treat—head. And god, is her head amazing. She knows how to have you coming on her mouth over and over without it getting boring. She’ll gladly eat you out the entire night while she grinds against the mattress for any release.

𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐄: She’s a sucker for sweet words. Praise gets her going, in and out of bed. Good girl? She’s weak in the knees. My girl? Folded. If you want her to fuck you into next week a few praises sprinkled here and there will have her insatiably horny for you.

𝐇𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐏𝐔𝐋𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆: Vi loves hair. Not hers, she couldn’t care less about her hair. But your hair? She’s allll over it. Burying her nose in it, carding her fingers through the silky strands, it’s heaven. Especially when she’s tugging your hair back as you plead for more.

𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐊𝐀

𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐒: Sevika is a busy woman. She doesn’t have time to go the whole nine yards, so best bet her favourite thing to do are quickies. In her office (or Silco’s), any few minutes alone she can get something done with you. Hell, give her a minute and she could probably make you come. 

𝐂𝐇𝐎𝐊𝐈𝐍𝐆: She is a person to be respected and feared. So nothing feeds her ego more than to gently wrap her larger hand around your neck and lightly press down. It’s a small gesture, sure, but it gives her power over you. Nothing satisfies her more.

𝐃𝐈𝐑𝐓𝐘 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊: Best believe she has a filthy mouth. She knows all the right words to turn you on, so utterly debauching that you could come just from hearing her sultry words. When you two do have time to indulge in one another, her foreplay is just murmuring in your ear till you’re begging for her to touch you.

𝐌𝐄𝐋

𝐏𝐈𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖 𝐏𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐒𝐒: As a high-ranking councillor, Mel has everything at her very fingertips. Call her spoiled, but she’s never really had to work for much, other than being a councillor. So what makes you think she’ll put in the effort to be a top? Besides, receiving is more her thing anyway.

𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐒𝐌: She likes it tender and gentle, being a woman of class. Mel is all for gentle lovemaking and sharing whispers of love and adoration, entangled with you in the sheets. She loves you and you love her, so take it slow if you must. She has all the time in the world…

𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐘: She’s a high ranking woman in Piltover, of course she’s going to have an authority kink. Like Sevika, having power over people makes her pleased, you above all. She’ll tell you how to please her and make sure that it’s done right. She has standards.

𝐉𝐈𝐍𝐗

𝐁𝐎𝐃𝐘 𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏: She thinks that she only knows how to ruin everything she touches of even comes close to. Not with you. You’re different. Let her worship you and your body like the unbreakable temple it is—you’re all she has left, anyway.

𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐒𝐒: Be gentle with a traumatised soul like hers. Her visions scare her, and you must be her rock. Jinx is as fragile as glass, so treat her as such during lovemaking. Tell her you love her. Tell her you’ll never leave (you better not) and tell her that she’s all you need.

𝐓𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆: Jinx is a playful character at heart. Even through everything, she can find a way to joke around. Her favourite way to tease you is by suggestive touches, her breath ghosting across your skin. The more flustered you get, the more pleased she is.

[theyhavetakenovermylife]

Can I request more 2012? I really like your table tease story with Donnie BTW! My request is what do you think would be good turn ons and turn offs for the 2012 turtles.

Turn Ons and Turn Offs (18+)

2012!Turtles x reader

A/N: Of course you can!💚 And I’m happy that you liked it😘💜 These focuses mainly on the spicy stuff, but there’s also some general relationship aspects in there. As you know, not all turn ons has to be strictly sexual💙❤️ 💜🧡 (Btw, thought you all should know I wrote this while listening to Shady Lady by Ani Lorak).

All characters are aged up.

Warning: Talk about sex, and possible break ups. And spelling. My head did a upsi every once in a while.

Leonardo:

Turn Ons:

Your admiration for his leadership skills is evident, and Leonardo is drawn to your determination to better yourself, just like he always tries to better himself. He finds your disciplined nature and eagerness appealing, often finding himself lost in admiration as you dive into whatever you’re passionate about.

Your respect for tradition and loyalty to your friends resonates with his own values. Your ideas of a relationship matches up with his, and both of you found that you had the same goals for your love lives.

When you let him geek out and take an interest in his sci fi series, board games and martial art rants. It made him weak in the knees to have you sit next to him, listening intently to all his words.

Leo likes to view himself as an independent leader with a mind of steel, making the decisions and leading the flock. But, he did like it ALOT when you took control in the bedroom. It gave him a change to relax, and, well, you looked hot as fuck on top of him.

But as much as Leo LOVED it when you took control during intimate times, it made him feel like a true man and a real leader, whenever you looked to him for protection or help. It made you look so small and cute, and he could just eat you on the spot.

Training you. More than once a small training session between you and Leo had turned into a heated makeout.

Calling him Sensei. Leo will lose his shit and become dominant very quickly.

Your eyes. Leo loves to watch your eyes during sex. Both of you made a big deal out of looking into each other’s eyes during your climax.

Teasing. Him or you? It didn't matter. Leo just had a thing for teasing and foreplay, finding it amazing the longer it lasts.

Turn Offs:

If you did not understand his role as a leader and what it meant to him, Leonardo was OFF. Leo is committed to his given role, and he can become frustrated if he senses any disrespect towards their mission or disregard for his orders. That same goes for his partner, if they decided not to see how important it is for Leo.

He values structure and organization, so if you're too spontaneous or disregard the importance of training and preparation, it might put a strain on your relationship. It’s not that Leo doesn’t like a few spontaneous things, but he has a daily routine that he needs to follow.

Leo doesn’t like it when it gets too messy in the bedroom. Sure, he can get into the kinky stuff, and bodily fluids tend to get involved, but it has to be easy to clean. So it’s a big no when it comes to bringing food into the bedroom. Maybe something to drink so you can keep going, but other than a few snacks for movies, no food.

Degradation. Leo likes it when you call each other things; good boy, good girl, Sensei, slut has even been used, but he will never talk down to you. He’s not against talking about how much one of you was loving it, but peeling each other apart with words. Never ask or expect him to call you dumb, stupid or something worse, because he won’t do it.

If you bleed, either from a bite or Leo being a little too rough with you, he shuts the whole thing down. You can say you liked it, but Leo wasn’t having it. Blood meant pain, typically a pain that was way stronger than any pleasure. Leo did not like it, fearing that he was hurting you too much.

Raphael:

Turn Ons:

Your fiery spirit and unwavering determination catch Raphael's attention from the start. He's drawn to your confidence and independence, finding your willingness to stand up for what you believe in incredibly attractive.

Raphael appreciates your straightforwardness and isn't afraid to engage in some friendly banter and teasing with you, loving the challenge you present. Nothing could get Rapg in the mood, like when you returned his comment with an even fiery one, continuing back and forth until one was the ultimate winner. That winner tended to be the dominant one that night (even though Raph tended to take that role from you very quickly), or some very hot brat taming.

 Just like playful banter, playful fighting could rail Raph up so easily, trying his best to keep you pinned to the ground. He found it adorable to watch you struggle against him, and at times he would let you think you had the upper hand, before he pushed you to the ground, smiling mischievously at you, your flustered expression keeping him going every time.

Rough sex is his favorite kind. Though he would never try to intentionally hurt you, he did have a thing for hearing you whimper and plead for him, often turning into a whole game of dirty talk.

Begging has Raph spinning. He could lose his mind, just to the sound of your begging. However, if you really want him to enjoy it, don’t beg straight away. Make him fight for it. That’s the most fun part.

This man LOVES spanking. It is the sound, and the way your flesh jiggles afterwards, and the reddening of your skin, almost matching the color of his bandana. Raph loves watching your ass turn red during doggy style, calling it proof that he has been the one doing this to you.

Sex outside the bedroom? This man will do it anywhere with you. All you have to do is ask, and he will do it.

Turn Offs:

While Raphael admires your independence, he can become frustrated if he feels like you're shutting him out or keeping secrets. He values honesty and loyalty above all else, so if he senses any deceit or manipulation, it could lead to some serious clashes between you two. He can easily become insecure, overthinking very quickly, and make up ideas in his head, based on things you once said. Just talk to him, it makes everything easier.

Raph’s not a fan of overly clingy behavior and needs his space to process his emotions. That does not mean that he doesn’t want you around, but sometimes, when he’s mad at his brothers, he just needs to punch a punching bag first, before he tells you what's going on.

Raph loves to choke you doing sex, but if you choke him, he will pull away. Make sure he’s okay with it before you do it, otherwise he will start gaining some real trust issues when it comes to your intimate activities. He may be open for it one day, but he NEEDS to know it before you get down and dirty.

Stay. AWAY. From. His. ASS. No finger, no nothing. He ain’t doing it. Nope. Nuh-uh. Your butt, hell yeah! But his butt? FORGET IT.

His tail too! Ask first, otherwise, he will get aggressive or just walk away.

If you as much as joke about getting down with one of his brothers, his done. Leave. Raph is a pretty insecure guy, so a small joke can easily break him. Don’t do that to the poor guy. He’s trying his best.

You can get your ass spanked and your throat used and choked, but he will never make you bleed. He wants you to enjoy it just as much as him, so as soon as you tell him you don’t like it, he will stop. He will shut the whole thing down, even if you protest, deciding to spend the time cuddling instead.

As much as Raph loves to do nasty things with you, don’t you dare tell anybody. It’s not because he doesn’t want people to know that you two are intimate, but he just doesn't want people all up in his and your very personal business.

Donatello:

Turn Ons:

Donatello is captivated by your intellect and curiosity, often finding himself engrossed in deep conversations with you about science, technology, and the mysteries of the universe.

He's drawn to your creativity and innovative thinking, appreciating your unique perspective on the world. Your passion for learning and exploring new ideas resonates with his own interests, creating a strong intellectual connection between you two.

Donnie is a BIG fan of phone sex. Masturbation together over the phone or sexting when you couldn’t be together. He loved it all. If you’re in the mood, just send him a pic and he is ready. He can fix whatever he was working on another time.

He has a thing for seeing you in his color. A purple shirt, or maybe even surprise him with purple underwear, and he will be ON. Sometimes he will even let you wear his bandana, maybe even wrapping it around you during sex. He just loved the sight.

Donnie LOVES dirty talk. All of it. He can be so sweet and caring on any other occasion, but during sex, he can talk so nasty to you, making you wonder where all that came from. But in truth, he had always been like that. It just took a person he trusted to bring it out of him.

Neither you or Donnie have a set role when it comes to sex. You feel like being submissive? Sure, then he’ll dominate you until your world starts shaking. Or let’s say that you feel like dominating, Donnie will happily be submissive, begging and pleading for you.

Let him watch you. Please! He finds it so hot!

Your purple genius turtle likes to try out news in the bedroom. He has a very open mind when it comes to your sex life, and will pretty much try anything you bring up, and things that has been thinking about for some time.

Turn Offs:

Donnie doesn’t have a lot of sexual turn offs, most of them having something to do with the maintenance of a relationship. But he will NEVER do anything you don’t want him to! Never ever! If you don’t want to, he will throw the idea away, prioritizing your comfort way more.

Donnie values honesty and transparency in a relationship, so if he feels like you're hiding something or being evasive, it can cause some tension between you two.

When it comes to relationships, he's also not a fan of recklessness or impulsiveness, preferring to carefully analyze situations before taking action. He wants to talk to you first, going through all the pros and cons, making sure that both of you are on the same page, and that nothing is left in the unknown. If you disregard safety protocols or act without thinking things through, it could lead to some disagreements.

Donnie is not always available, even though he really wants to be. Since he’s the only one that knows how to fix a toaster, his help is often needed in the lair. Therefore it would really discourage him in the long run, if you didn’t come down to visit him.

Cut him off during his long rambles about the newest thing he was working on, or show a general lack of interest in his work, and Donnie will quickly find himself rethinking the entire relationship. It’s not a lot he’s asking for, and his trying his best to make space for you in his life, so if you can’t give him that, is it even worth it?

Break some of his work on purpose, and he will feel like you have betrayed him.

Michelangelo:

Turn Ons:

Your fun-loving nature and sense of humor immediately click with Mikey's laid-back personality. He's drawn to your adventurous spirit and willingness to join him on spontaneous escapades around the city. Mikey loves your positive attitude and ability to find joy in the simplest of things, often finding himself laughing and smiling more when you're around.

There’s many ways to get Mikey in the mood, one of the easiest ones being just telling him. Whisper in his ear and tell him you’re in the mood, and you’ll find that he too will be in the mood. It doesn’t take much more than that.

Something as simple as cuddling could get him going. Hug him in a certain way that reminded him of how you would press yourself against him, and his mind would go wandering until he couldn’t contain his excitement anymore.

Dress up in something revealing, and Mikey will not be able to keep his hands from himself. Especially something that puts focus on your chest. It will definitely help with this boob man.

There’s no way around it, but Mikey will bring food into the bedroom, and he will find a way to involve it in your acts. Licking syrup off of each other, or maybe eating ice cream from your chest. If Mikey can think of it, he will do it.

Mikey genuinely wants sex to be fun and enjoyable for both of you. It is a light hearted and pleasurable affair, and he will not see any reason to stop before you and him are satisfied… for the time being.

Sneaking around in the lair and in the city above can also really get him going. Mikey can’t help it. The thought of getting caught did some very interesting things to him.

Does Mikey like to be a little submissive sometimes? Yes, yes he does.

Roleplay? YES! This man LOVES it! Anything creative in the bedroom and he is hooked!

Turn Offs:

Mikey is not a fan of negativity or pessimism, preferring to surround himself with positivity and optimism. He understands that not everything is a dance on roses, but if you continuously point out the negative, he can find himself growing quite bored or maybe even tired of the relationship.

If there is one thing Mikey can’t stand, it is when he is forced to put a damper on his imagination and creativity. Tell him no to a good roleplay one too many times, and he will become quite agitated.

Mikey understands that sometimes life gets serious, he does not like it when his sex life has to be serious too. Mikey is not against intense intimacy with eye contact and all that, but let him have fun dammit! Can’t he have fun, then what is the purpose?!

Stick to one position for too long, and Mikey will get bored. And once Mikey is bored, the mood is gone. Keep it interesting, listen to his suggestions and have fun.

Keep Mikey stuck in the bedroom for too long, and he will - you guessed it - get bored. If you won’t sneak around with him, he will feel utterly lost in boredom. It takes a lot to make Mikey rethink a whole relationship, but with everything combined, he may be getting close to that point.

And the worst of them all. Probably the one he would put as the base for a break up; make him feel or call him childish. Now, Mikey wouldn’t care if his brothers called you and Mikey immature and childish, but if you called him that, along with sucking all the fun out of his life, Mikey would call it quits. He wants to have fun with his partner, and if his partner refused to do that, he wouldn’t want to be with them.

[catboyieejeno]

don't kiss and tell ♡⸜(˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝

other parts: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4

pairings: best friend! mark + best friend! jeno + best friend! hyuck x female! reader summary: what happens when your three best friends ask you to decide which one of them is the better kisser? content: non-idol au, a lot of making out, suggestive, all three boys r lowkey crushing on you, cursing wc: 4k

masterlist

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

"so we have a small bet going on..." jeno starts, taking a seat at the foot of your bed. mark grabs one of your stuffed plushies and settles it between his arms as he sits.

"according to hyuck," jeno pauses, rolling his eyes in the direction of the youngest of your mutual friends who didn't bother finding a place to sit next to the other boys, instead taking his spot beside you and letting his head fall onto your lap, "he's the "best kisser" between the three of us,"

"bullshit," mark interrupts with a cough, glaring his way.

hyuck scoffs, grumbling a "yeah? why don't you come find out," while grabbing your hand and directing it to his scalp so you can play with his hair.

with slightly narrowed eyes, mark scoffs. "don't worry, that's what we're doing this for, right?"

"well," hyuck sighs, turning to face him, "I can guarantee it's not gonna be you. remind me, how many girls have you kissed again?"

mark scoffs loudly, just as hyuck had done moments ago, throwing his head back in annoyance.

"anyway," jeno holds out his arm to redirect the room's attention back to him, "we made a bet and we kind of need your help,"

with your fingers distractedly running through hyuck's locks, you purse your lips in thought, looking between the three boys expectantly. "how exactly am i meant to help?"

mark clears his throat, averting his gaze, "well, um..."

"you see, we agreed that, um-" jeno tries to explain, but his voice grows quiet.

"we needed someone t-to-"

"and we figured, you know, i-if it was you,"

your eyes narrow as you notice the way mark's ears start glowing red. he can no longer meet your gaze as he speaks, neither can jeno. the two boys stutter through their attempts at explaining your role in their little bet. that is, until hyuck lets out an exasperated sigh and shoots up from your lap, having grown impatient.

"we need you to kiss us so you can decide who's the best kisser."

your eyes go wide, breath hitching in your throat. "no," you shake your head, "no fucking way." and as soon as the words leave your lips, all three boys start protesting, speaking over each other in a hurry.

"I told you she'd say no." hyuck complains.

jeno blinks quickly, reaching for your shoulder, "no, no. y/n, you have to help us decide. i'm tired of hyuck insisting that he's good cause he practices on his hand every night. please," he pleads.

"i don’t practice on my hand, dipshit-"

"we need someone who is unbiased and- and who will be honest with us. that's you!" mark tries, but you're still shaking your head frantically, a scowl tainting your features.

"you guys can't ask someone else?" you attempt.

"yeah, you're right. jaemin and renjun must've slipped our minds," jeno replies sarcastically.

in defeat, you groan loudly, sitting up on your knees to create some distance between them and you, arms folding over your torso, "god, you guys are so weird!"

"Is that a yes?"

you think to yourself for a moment, weighing your options.

undoubtedly, your best friends were attractive and given the chance to kiss them, under different circumstances, you probably might... if you didn't know them as well as you do or before you had gotten as close as you have, then maybe.

either way, it would not be for a bet. If one or more of them got the wrong idea... or if you did... what then?

you stare at them, noting how they stare back, each with their own intentions and motives. jeno looks beyond desperate to prove hyuck wrong, entirely done with the younger boy's nagging persistence on the matter.

hyuck, of course, is looking to you, pleading for you to give him the chance to prove himself right, so he can rub it in. he also keeps staring at your lips, ever since he sat up, and you don't doubt that a part of him is curious to find out what it's like to kiss you.

mark seems to be somewhere between wanting to end the discussion between the two boys, and secretly wanting himself to be revealed as the winner, maybe as an unexpected surprise to everyone; perhaps, because he's the oldest, he's meant to have the most experience, but you and the boys know very well how shy mark gets about stuff like this.

you huff out a breath, unable to stare at their desperate expressions any longer, "fine," but before they can whoop and cheer, one of your fingers comes up to silence them. now, it's your turn to stutter, "b-but, there are terms and conditions. and y-you guys have to unanimously agree to all of them or the deal is off. okay?"

they all nod quickly, sitting up to listen to your list of rules with attentiveness.

"firstly, this is a one time thing, okay? there will be no more friend-on-friend macking after tonight." the boys nod their heads yes without protest. "as for the winner, you guys have to promise you won't get mad at me for who i decide. also, renjun and jaemin are not allowed to know out about this."

hyuck's eyebrow raises in immediate protest, "woah, but what if-"

"hyuck, i don't care." you say firmly, "they are to, under no circumstances, find out. the winner can brag to the other two losers in this room and that's it."

"but if I win-"

"hyuck," mark stresses, glancing at you, then back at the younger boy as if to hint that if he keeps pushing, you might change your mind about participating altogether, "shut up."

"fine," he sighs out.

you clear your throat before continuing. your eyes glance away as your voice grows quiet, "lastly," you mumble, "i don't want this to hurt our friendship, okay? and if it's going to or if things will be weird between us th-then... i don't want to do this at all,"

"hey, y/n," jeno grabs your hand reassuringly, "it won't change our friendship, we can all promise that, right?"

"of course,"

"right." they echo.

you nod once and swallow thickly, "well, erm, do you guys have questions?"

mark raises his hand like a school boy, "they're about the technicalities," he explains, chewing on his lip awkwardly at the sudden reality of the situation.

"okay," you whisper, anticipating his question.

"how long can we um, kiss you for?" he mumbles, suddenly growing shy.

"I think... 10 seconds is fair."

"woah, 10 seconds?!" mark's eyes grow wide.

instantly, hyuck laughs, elbowing mark to urge him to stay quiet, "i can do a lot in 10 seconds,"

jeno's head perks up as a thought comes into his head, "i have a question,"

"shoot,"

"is our score based on your personal taste or, is there a rubric? it needs to be fair, you know," he adds when hyuck gives him a glare.

"both," you decide after little thought, "part of my decision will be personal taste, and part of it will be the general stuff like," you brush your hair out of your face nervously, using your fingers to count out, "pace, skill, confidence,"

"where are we allowed to touch you?"

"hyuck," jeno rolls his eyes, throwing his hands up. he was about to smack the younger boy when mark held an arm out.

"actually," he stops him, "that's a fair question. i wanna know the answer,"

the three share a look, then turn to you expectantly.

"oh," you blink, "the PG rated areas,"

"yeah, but, where? I don't wanna overstep my boundaries," hyuck fails to hide his smirk and you sigh.

"you already are." you half joke, shaking your head, "anything from the shoulders up is okay. arms are okay, too, i don't know. if anything is too far i'll let you know then." you explain, "do you guys have any more questions?"

jeno looks at everyone, waiting, then speaks up to break the silence, "no one is allowed to ask questions after we start, that's unfair to whoever has already had their turn. so is everyone sure they have no more questions?"

"yes, nerd," hyuck smartly replies, leaning back on his hand. the other one comes up to his lips.

"okay," you breathe out shakily, "who's going first?"

"well, hyuck, since you talked a big game, why don't you kick us off?"

busy biting the skin around his nails, he gives jeno a disinterested look, "nah. everyone knows you leave the best for last,"

"i'm definitely not going first," mark declares, shaking his right hand no in front of him.

jeno sighs, looking at you with soft eyes, "okay. i guess i'm first?"

you nod slowly, scooting a little closer to where he sat.

jeno sits up straight, tucking his legs under his bum and kneeling. his hands reach for your forearms, but once he notices the moisture forming on his palms, he quickly retracts them, wiping them on the material of his black pants, "if you wanna change your mind, you still can,"

"relax, dude, you're more nervous than she is,"

"hyuck," mark gives the boy a smack on the arm, gesturing for jeno to continue.

"i'm okay," you assure the boy in front of you, and yourself, as you wait for him to make the first move. he's flushed, making a conscious effort to maintain eye contact so he doesn't appear as nervous as he really is.

"alright, here goes," a second or two pass. he loudly sighs and mumble, "i'm gonna do it now."

"jeno?"

"yeah?" he blinks.

"don't warn me," you giggle, "or count it off, or whatever. just do it,"

"right," he nods, letting out a little nervous laugh.

his hands come up to rest on the back of your arms, holding you steady. the gentle look in his eyes helps you relax, and you allow yourself to loosen up under his grip. jeno, on the other hand, leans in a little shakily, as if he's waiting for you to stop him any second.

mark and hyuck's curious eyes on the two of you don't seem to be helping his case either, especially when hyuck opens his big mouth again.

"bro, If you're gonna hold her like that, you might as well back out now-" his comment is cut short by jeno snapping his head over to him, sending the meanest of glares his way. He's seething, nostrils flaring.

"fine, sorry-" hyuck quickly apologizes, but none of you have the chance to reply because one of jeno's large hands has left your arm and is now resting on your jaw, right under your chin, holding it in his grip. he turns your face back to him. any hesitation he had moments ago is gone and his lips are on yours.

holy shit.

1 second...

if it wasn't for how hyper aware you were of just about everything right now, you might have missed the small gasp that left mark, or the sound of hyuck slapping his hand over his mouth.

2 seconds...

jeno's lips are moving rather quickly against yours, certainly projecting the frustration that lee hyuck awakens in him with his ruthless and deliberate provocations.

and while a little rushed, it's nonetheless, undoubtedly, an intoxicating kiss. he's modest about using tongue, only allowing it to brush against you, not any further. instead, his lips do all the work, tugging and pressing on yours at a speed that makes your heart beat faster.

despite the fact that there's a lot of motion going on between your lips, it's easy to follow, especially with jeno leading you. his other hand situates itself on your mid back, bringing your chest close, right against his.

5 seconds...

at first, jeno was holding his breath, but at the prospect of your breasts against his chest, he can't help the air that slips through his nostrils, tilting his head even more to the right so that he can easily capture more of you. your bottom lip sits between his, plump and red from the way he's sucking on it. his thumb rubs your jaw, soothingly, though by now, your nerves feel very far away.

8 seconds...

jeno leans into the kiss, as if trying to get as close to you as humanly possible, tilting you slightly back so that you have to grab his arms to keep steady. they're hard and warm under your fingers, and you instinctively squeeze them as jeno moves against you. your fingers trail up to his shoulders, nails slightly pressing in.

10 seconds.

mark clears his throat, but neither of you hear it.

hyuck claps his hands together once, finally breaking you apart as he shouts, "okay, okay! that's time! 10 seconds are up... geez," he breathes, looking between the two of you.

your hand flies to touch your lips, eyes opening wide. you try to keep your expression as stoic as possible, but it's hard to do so, especially when the boy in front of you just kissed the shit out of you.

jeno's shyness is long gone, and his eyes are now looking between your own, his usual half moons as large as saucers. he's a bit shocked at what just happened and just how good it felt.

hyuck pats mark on the back, "alright, bro, you're up."

"wait, what about," jeno clears his throat, voice a bit hoarse from what happened a moment ago, "what about my score?"

"she has nothing to compare it to yet. you have to wait till the end," mark insists, kneeling before you just as jeno had done.

jeno nods once, forgetting entirely about his previous commitment to receiving a fair score, mind blank and foggy after your kiss. truthfully, the fairest score would be given right after each kiss, but he can't seem to find the means to argue anymore.

instead, he shuffles away, getting up from your bed and turning in attempt to hide the redness spreading on his face. you watch him until mark let's out a little breath, drawing your focus back to him, narrow eyes looking at you through his brows.

his hands reach back to pull up his jeans that were beginning to slip down, then he settles, waiting for you to give him the go ahead.

he looks a little more confident than earlier, but being completely honest, you don't know if it's genuine or a mask he's put on in front of the other boys.

you've known mark the longest, and not once have you heard him talk about a girl he's liked, much less kissed.

you don't even know why he's doing this at all.

"mark,"

he scrunches his nose as if to ask 'what?'

"you don't- you know-" you sigh, unable to think of the right words, "you know you don't have to do this right? it's just a stupid bet and well, i know how you get about stuff like this. i don't want you to feel pressured or like you have to go along with it just because-"

he snickers and shakes his head at your rambling, leaning forward and using both of his hands to cup your face.

"y/n"

"yeah?" you whisper.

"shut up," he mumbles, and presses his lips against yours.

1 second...

his lips are soft and smooth, moving against yours painfully slow. so slow that it's almost torturous, teasing.

it's messy, the smacking sounds of your open-mouthed kisses ringing around the otherwise quiet room. his tongue swipes at your lips, warm and wet and taking its sweet time to taste you. it moves around, eager to swipe at your teeth and lap at your spit.

he savors you, kissing you as if there was no time limit, as if the other two guys were not watching, as if this wasn't just for a bet.

4 seconds...

your arms naturally wrap around mark's torso and he responds by leaning his hips forward until they're pressed up flush against yours.

you yelp into his mouth, surprised, and he quietly moans at the minimal friction against his groin, rolling his head around so that it's tilted toward the other way, allowing him to make out with you in an entirely new angle.

6 seconds...

one of his hands moves to swipe at your hair and brush it away from your face, and even though you're supposed to be judging the kiss, your mind can't stop spinning at the feeling of him pressing against you.

he's at least a little aroused... that or mark lee is secretly packing.

9 seconds...

you melt in his hands, letting him completely guide you and guide the kiss. he keeps his slow pace until the very end, when hyuck calls out,

"10 seconds."

obediently, mark pulls away once his time is called, but before releasing your face from his hold, he presses one last, quick kiss to your mouth. your cheeks and ears burn hot, and you're almost certain that they're bright red.

you didn't imagine that right? he moaned...

you can tell by the way his bottom lip is caught between his teeth that he's trying to hold back a grin, and just like jeno, mark gets up, leaving his spot open for hyuck, who is next in line.

as mark stands, you watch the way he slickly readjusts his pants, taking advantage while jeno is distracted: he's busy preparing the timer on his phone for hyuck's turn, while hyuck is sliding over and situating himself in front of you, eyebrows wiggling and smirk ever so present.

mark turns back around unnoticed, hands in his pocket as he watches. jeno shoots him a look, something almost like a glare. his jaw is locked in place, tight and unyielding. if you didn't know him any better, you might even say he's mad.

you clear your throat, hand pressed to your chest to try to soothe your palpitations.

"i have a question," hyuck starts, blinking at you.

"nope, no way," jeno points his finger at him, immediately shaking his head, "nuh-uh. you're not allowed to ask questions, that's not fair to me and mark,"

"oh, loosen up, jeno. it's not like you're gonna win, anyway,"

"hyuck, i swear to god-" he threatens, closing his fist.

"alright, alright. no questions, then." hyuck rolls his eyes and turns to you, giving you a small smile, "just tap me if i do anything that makes you uncomfortable, okay? i'll stop."

one of your eyebrows comes up in confusion, but hyuck is already staring at your lips and licking his own.

he leans in slowly, pausing for only a moment to meet your eyes, then letting your lips connect.

1 second...

ironically, his approach tells you that he's the shyest of the three. his lips are gentle, barely pushing against yours. and just when you think he's gonna deepen the kiss, he pulls away.

then, he does it again: kisses you, and pulls away.

2 seconds...

his lips are ghosting yours, hovering just a centimeter above, and just when you suspect he'll do it again, he takes you by surprise.

his lips mold into and work against yours, roughly, desperately, not pulling away this time or hesitating in the slightest. his pace is somewhere between jeno's fast one and mark's slow one; it was right in the middle. he's rough and messy and greedy, tasting your lips smugly, which he's secretly wanted to do for a while.

simultaneously, a set of cold fingers tickle your waist, brushing up under your shirt until it rides up, the material left to rest under your breasts. his hands slide along your skin until he's holding you in his arms, grabbing onto your waist and squeezing your skin in his hands.

alright, perhaps he's not the shyest.

4 seconds...

your arms cling to his neck and dive into the nape of his hair as his tongue slips into your mouth, progressively exploring more of you.

his breath is mixing with your own, small pants fanning your face, arms tightening around you when you start to mirror his desperation.

7 seconds...

you need to feel him closer, far too worked up after all the kissing and touching tonight. he seems to get the memo, because one of his hands moves up to hold your head, laying you back until your head hits the pillow.

hyuck props himself up above you, not letting his lips leave yours for longer than it takes to gasp for a short breath, even neglecting himself of air it meant soaking up every last second of you.

10 seconds...

he's too giddy, too excited, hands grabbing at the bare skin on your sides.

"time." jeno calls out.

hyuck drowns out jeno's voice with a muffled whine that he releases into your mouth, continuing to kiss you for as long as he can.

"dude, dude. time's up." mark urges, patting the bed beside you guys. even then, his efforts go unnoticed.

it isn't until jeno literally pulls hyuck off by his shoulder that you guys stop making out and you return to reality.

"that was like 12 seconds, hyuck." jeno grumbles, narrowing his eyes.

"oh, sucks to suck, jeno. you should've made your kiss more memorable if you were worried that-"

"I'll literally beat your ass-"

"stop bickering, both of you!" you groan, holding your hands out.

that seems to silence them rather quickly, all three boys looking at you with eyes full of anticipation.

you clear your throat, at last able to catch your breath, "okay, that was... interesting." you voice out, barely above a whisper. now that they’re all focusing on you, you’re slightly embarrassed to face them. you could feel your cheeks burning, mind bustling with thoughts as you recall each experience.

hyuck snorts, "yeah it was." but you ignore him, fanning your face with your hands to cool it down.

"i don't know where to start."

"well, you can walk us through your thoughts," mark nods patiently.

"yeah, okay. um... they were… they were all very different." you breathe, casting your glance down to the ground. their silence is your cue to continue, “they were all good, really good. and i hate that i’m admitting that, but it’s true.”

���right, but one of them had to be better right? like, according to the rubric?” jeno insists, perking his head up.

“honestly, i don’t know. I think you all got a perfect score as far as the general score goes… none of you were sloppy or bad or whatever. they were all good kisses.”

mark nods understandingly, “so, who would win according to your personal preference?”

you look between them all for a moment, “you guys won’t be mad?”

“no,” they all agree.

“regardless of what I say, you guys won’t be mad? at me or at each other?” you rephrase suspiciously, raising your eyebrow.

with a little more hesitance, they reply, “…no”

“alright,” you purse your lips, sensing your following words were probably the best way to go, “then i’ve decided. no one wins.”

hyuck chokes on air, “woah, woah-“

“wait, what?”

“that’s not fair-“ jeno argues.

you shrug your shoulders, “i liked them all. can’t pick, sorry.”

jeno shakes his head quickly, looking at the other two boys with annoyance, “there has to be one you liked even a little bit more,”

“nope,” you insist.

mark looks slightly disappointed, though he doesn’t seem to be as affected as jeno or hyuck, who both look distraught, like this is the worst news they’ve gotten all week.

hyuck holds a hand to his chest, “y/n, please, you have to pick. i know it’s me, just admit it-”

“you have to choose, i refuse to lose to this moron-“

sitting up straight, you cross your arms stubbornly, “fine, then i pick mark.”

“YES- wait what?!” hyuck snaps his head over to you, mouth agape.

mark looks up, eyes widening, “me?”

“for good sportsmanship.” you affirm, shooting him a small smile. jeno and hyuck erupt into complains and protests, eventually divulging into an argument with each other. fed up, jeno reaches over to smack hyuck over the head, and the two run outside, chasing and yelling after one another.

mark, who is left to look at you in shock, blinks twice in your direction, “so, was mine actually your favorite?”

“maybe, maybe not,” you smile slyly, “I was just tired of dealing with those two.” you point at the door.

mark laughs nervously, running a hand through his hair, “tell me about it.”

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

[drdemonprince]

At one point he was down in between my legs, fingering me, and he made a throwaway comment about probably being Autistic. 

I leaned back, trying to relish what pleasure I was getting. “Well, we can talk about that subject, if you like,” I said vaguely, not really wanting to bring my professional life into things. 

He kept working away at my body, kissing between my lips and thighs. “Oh I know who you are,” he said suddenly. “Your book changed my life. In a way, I guess this is me thanking you.” 

I made him exit my body and we went to the kitchen to hash it out. It turned out he was a big fan of many things I’d written. 

“I’ve seen you around the neighborhood many times,” he confessed. “But you posted online that you don’t like when people come up to you, and so I always decided to leave you alone.” 

He said, “Your book is the reason I got divorced, actually. My ex-husband was a therapist, and when I showed him your book and said I thought I might be Autistic, he didn’t believe me. We have been separated for a year.” 

He asked, “Did I just make this weird, telling you when I did that I was a fan?” I told him that if he’d said it sooner, I would have never fucked him at all. 

People never realize that when they approach me, what they are doing is dragging me into work. It doesn’t matter whether I was at breakfast, or an orgy. I was just some guy standing there, enjoying his beer, but now they have made me the known scholar and author. And sure, my job might be meaningful, but that doesn’t mean I like to work. 

I tell my friend that I no longer want to be a public figure, and that I am planning how to make it all end. She tells me, “You’ve got to do what is the best for you, even if it’s something that the rest of us wants and can’t imagine giving up.” 

I ask myself, did I want this? It would be more flattering to say I didn’t, and play the role of the hermetic author whose work developed its own life purely because it was so good. But that isn’t true. 

From the moment I got a Myspace account in high school, I was publishing essays about my political views. I serialized multiple novels on Tumblr, guerilla marketing them with giveaways and custom-made images until they hit the Kindle sales charts. I have made memes, tried starting viral trends, coined phrases, and given hundreds of hours’ worth of media interviews. I write prescriptive nonfiction, for Christ’s sake. Of course people seek guidance from me. I offer it up! 

I have been strategic about how I dress, and my video backdrops, and retaken clips of myself speaking over and over again until they sounded right. I’ve hosted debates with my most vicious critics while I’m in the shower, started public beef with creators who had larger accounts than I did, and rushed to my keyboard when upsetting news broke, because I alone was possessed of the most correct take on it.

I wanted this. I didn’t know what this was, this internet fame I was chasing, but I did all I could to make it mine. I thought that by writing so much, I would one day be able to escape myself, maybe really feel connected to other people. Instead it has meant never being able to stop thinking about myself: how I am seen, what I am working on, how it all fits together, what comes next. It has also meant being spoken about, theorized about, and criticized, and developing a firm exoskeleton of disdain between myself and the world. 

I believe now that that it is immoral for any person to be listened to by ninety thousand other people. Holding authority and status like that runs counter to my anarchic ideals. I am not more important or correct than anyone. I should not be trusted to tell people which commodities to buy, which companies not to support, what to read, what to think, what words to use, or how to conduct their lives. 

All the other animals know there is no one way that a creature “should” live. There is only the way that it does. The world has no consciousness, no beliefs. It cannot pass judgment. We only feel so watched and evaluated because we have covered the planet with so many millions of our eyes. But we can stop performing dignified human goodness at any moment. 

I think that celebrity is an evil, corrupting force that pits the human instinct for bonding against itself. Instead of appreciating the singing of our friends around the fire, we stream Chappell Roan until stalkers break into her house. Rather than playing card games together, we stan Twitch streamers, filling up their chats with highlighted messages until they acknowledge us. We long to be famous novelists because then we would have the social permission to write, and we don’t have the money or time to enjoy the activity on its own. 

I wrote about Chappell Roan, stalker stans, and how turning art into content creation ruins the work, and the creator's life. It's free to read in full (or have narrated to you by the app!) on Substack.

[ifellintothestyx]

The funny thing about JC defenders is that they always try to argue that JC refusing to cover the Wens and side with WWX was the correct political move. In the short term, perhaps, but in the long term, that was proven wrong in the books themselves.

(It's even funnier thinking that correct political moves exist in a bullshit political system that blatantly serves only the gentry, is held together by hearsay and rumors, and has no actual system of laws that can serve as a basis to accuse, judge, or punish someone.)

So how was JC's refusal to side with WWX and the Wens considered the "correct political move"? Reasons include that the Jiang sect was still recovering from the war, that going against the Jins would result in another war that would end in major losses on the Jiang sect's side, and that the Wens weren't and shouldn't have been a priority for JC at all.

Let's clear a few things up. The Jiang clan was not the only clan recovering, so were the Nies and the Lans. In the aftermath of the war, it's not explicitly stated how well the other sects were doing, so we couldn't really tell if the Jiangs were worse off than the other three. It could be noted, however, that the Jins retained much of their wealth and influence, so much so that Jin Guangyao was able to take the position of Chief Cultivator with little to no opposition. The main point, though, is that at that moment in the aftermath of the war, we could not easily assume the Jiangs were the worst off, as the other three sects also lost many disciples in the war, and we didn't really know how much the other sects recovered.

For the second reason, if a major war somehow did happen again, this time Jiangs vs everyone else, everyone else would lose. WWX's presence single-handedly helped them win the war against the Wens. A war between the Jiangs and the jianghu would be based on numbers, which reflects the war between the Wens and the jianghu. The Wens had more disciples, and no matter how many LWJs or NMJs you got up your sleeve, numbers make a big difference in war. That's why WWX's skills were a critical part in winning: he is a one-man army of thousands. He could easily make up for the gap in numbers. That's why the Jins kept trying to get rid of him—they were nervous about so much power belonging to only one faction: the Jiangs. JGS couldn't exactly claim his desired role as Chief Cultivator if a younger, smarter, and more powerful individual was still around to keep him in check.

Finally, we get to the part of why I'm making this long-ass post on a caffeine-driven rage. See, the point of trying to stop a powerful faction from committing atrocities is to stop them from thinking they can do it whenever they like. The Jins were given a pass to do whatever the hell they wanted to a small, outcasted faction (the Wens), and they proceeded to take that pass as a pass for everything else. Nobody stopped them from torturing the Wens, so what's stopping them from allowing a mass murderer like XY to run wild in an attempt to create their own WWX? Definitely not NMJ, hahaha, because, y'know, the hypocrites in the gentry have already decided that whatever the Jins do is alright so long as it's not their problem. An exterminated clan isn't their priority. So, what was stopping XY from going out and doing it again to SL's sect? Absolutely nothing! Because the Jins could cover it up and no one could say a word despite how suspicious it was, because hey, remember what happened to the last guy that spoke up against the Jins?

Calling out the Jins on their crimes against the Wens, who were elderly and children save for WQ and WN (who JC owed his damn life and core to), would have created a precedent of not allowing massive crimes to slide under the radar. But because the opposite happened, because nobody fucking realized that apathy and selfishness don't fucking help in the long run, two sects were exterminated because JGS and JGY were basically given an "okay, fine, just keep that bullshit away from us". That's not actual justice. That's not "morally grey". Allowing people in power to trample over others just because it doesn't affect you personally is not sustainable, because what happens when it's you they've decided to trample over? Are you going to complain? Are you going to look to others for help, when you personally couldn't be bothered to offer your hand to those who suffered? When the reason the people trampling over you gained that power is because you allowed it?

The unopposed killing of WWX and the Wens led to the political climate that allowed the massacres of two sects because the Jins were trying to protect and satisfy their pet project. It led to the murder of NMJ because JGS/JGY wanted to keep people from checking their power. If JC couldn't find it in his heart to be sympathetic to the Wens, fine, but at the very least, he should have considered the potential harm in rolling over and giving a political faction too much power.

[convoloutedinjoke]

Rating Disco Elysium characters based on how funny I think their kinks have the potential to be

Harry: the DSM of getting off on things. He likes piss he likes feet he likes the idea of being soooo small and tiny you could step on him like a bug, and while none of these things are funny on their own they are when he does them on account of his being a clown. He would also fuck a clown, incidentally. 8/10, knocking two points off because this lacks the element of surprise.

Kim: Leather and uniform fetishist. No wise guy shenanigans here. Will fuck you serious will fuck you professional. His strap is extremely normal, his daddy/boy dynamics are not a laughing matter. 4/10 because he wants to have relations with his car and is embarrassed about it

Jean: No idea what gets him off but he genuinely believes whatever it is means he’s evil and weird, making him the proud owner of The Worlds Funniest Kinks. 9/10, steals mustard from the homeless without remorse but has a moral crisis every time he cums while fantasising about getting gangbanged in a holding cell. Sad!

Trant: not funny. too passionately open about the things hes into. if you tried to make light of his trampling fetish, he would recite the wikipedia entry on cock and ball torture to you from memory and look delighted to be sharing his interests with you the whole time. 3/10

Klaasje: not funny to most on account of being conventionally attractive and good at billing her sexual encounters as suffused with romantic, literary ennui but it SHOULD be funny to be such a Lana Del Rey motherfucker in the sheets so I’m pulling rank and saying 7/10

Joyce: cringefail class dynamics fantasies. Bodice rippers and the opposite of CEO erotica feature heavily here. This wouldn’t be funny if not for the fact she literally owns a yacht. Also wants to get stabbed a little bit. 5/10, probably read the elysium version of lady chatterlys lover as a teen and still jerks off about it.

Garte: a normal man if there ever was one. has kinks but they aren't funny. wears a bra sometimes and it looks cute. 1/10 probably fun to hook up with and a decent communicator

The Deserter: given the 5 decades of loneliness, im willing to bet his brain has rewired itself into having some interesting potentially bug-related reward pathways but whatever he's got going on is too sad to laugh about. 0/10 :(

Sunday Friend: his kinks would be funny on anyone else, but he’s very very very boring. 2/10, you can pay a twink to do raceplay with you, but it wont dispel the grey miasma of being a mid tier government employee

evrart: I don’t know honestly, the lying and manipulating and petty power plays scrambled my brain despite the rube-Goldbergian elements of all his little tasks. Maybe he’d do predicament bondage? Uh. 3/10. Id let him hit, but he also has kind of a Wallace n Grommit thing going on so I can’t say 0

Steban: big on role playing but isn’t very good at it. Starts giggling halfway through when it becomes apparent how silly the fake muttonchops are. 4/10, less funny than it could be because he has a sense of humour about it

Ulixes: probably has a guro thing but also hasn’t had sex since he started focusing on reading theory and feints at the sight of real blood. This should be less funny than pretending to be Kras Mazov in bed, but he takes himself extremely seriously. 6/10 until he starts getting laid again, then still 6/10 but for other reasons

Gary: cuck chair. 10/10. I am not elaborating because I’m tired now, but someone else made a convincing post at one point

[toomanyideasandfandoms]

Idk if you're still taking requests but imagine one day Kazuha finds Creator's death note diary and finds a bunch of names. Realizing those are the people who killed the Creator before, he went "Ykw, I'm giving Our Holy One some therapy with the help of my friends" and kidnaps grabs Fischl, Mona, Xinyan, and finally you for an adventure-therapy or something something-

*cutely inserts Tomo breakdancing in Celestia*

PFFT that would be obviously hilarious and adorable.

I can definitely see the group having so much fun, probably telling stories of their lives that aren't mentioned in game. Maybe the creator also gaining information on how these specific characters views others. Like Mona's views of Fontaine or something.

Bonus if where they went was towards those summertime event islands.

But if we're considering Death Seeking Creator (I should probably make it known if those who send in asks don't want me to talk about Death Seeking please just tell me cause otherwise I'll just assume and we know what happens when assuming) though I don't think it would be possible considering he also was someone who killed the creator. Now I don't think he did it out of pure religious reasons, he's more level headed than that. He's someone who only kills "imposters" out of mercy, like Kaeya actually.

He makes it as quick and painless as possible, sometimes having done sneak attacks (so in the diary, the entries would only mention what the day as like before they write about them suddenly seeing darkness and then waking up in another nation). Not too mention the creator would use every single opportunity to experience another death.

They definitely would question Kazuha on why he's doing this, maybe even have some small breakthrough of where they're screaming at him and hurling insults that were thrown their way. Just absolutely trying to beat a dead horse essentially of why they have to die and that they don't understand why everyone is suddenly saying the opposite.

Tbh this makes me think of how confusing any therapy would be for Death Seeking Creator, because I can imagine them as this childishly stubborn person who refuses to see it as any other way purely because everything they did, they tried to do to change the outcome, always resulted in death no matter what. Peaceful talks? They couldn't get a word in before being sliced down. Fighting like a wild animal? Like they could defeat a god with their bare hands. Hiding and never greeting another person? They're always found out somehow, it's like the characters are drawn to them. Disguises? Even that doesn't work. Nothing they did work. So it had to be destiny right? They had to have this role of constant death? Why? Who fucking knows? They're not a god, they were never supposed to be a god. Why question the ways of a being they have no comprehension of how they think? It would be better to just play the role given, to be the the target every hunter wants. To be that white rabbit that gets chased by Alice throughout the story. But how they go? Well that'll be up to them, if the gods want some sick entertainment, why not make it more interesting?

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Perfect For You : Part 3 (H.JS)

Word Count : 2.3k

Warnings : swearing, food mention, arguing, mention of suffocating (not physically)

A/N : What? You mean to say this series isn't discontinued?! It is not! I am back with the third part and the epilogue (hopefully) coming soon. I hope you enjoy!

            Jisung was wrapped around her like a koala. She could barely move when she woke up, trying to roll out of bed, and go make breakfast. His grip only tightened when she moved, a small whine coming from him. “If you’re awake, let me go.” She giggled, but again his grip only tightened.

            “I missed holding you like this.” He opened his eyes, meeting her softening stare. He took in this moment. The way she looked with her messy hair, eyes still half closed because she’s still tired. Stunning. He thought to himself. And I almost let her slip away. He reached up to smooth her hair before pressing a small kiss to her face. “Should we go out for breakfast today?”

            “Sungie you have work.” She wanted to stay angry at him. But he made it so hard. He’ll do something that upsets her but the next second, he’s being cute, and looking at her like he doesn’t want to be anywhere else. And he doesn’t. Beside his girlfriend is where he belongs, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

            “I can be late. I want to take my girl on a date.” She gave into him so easily, just like she always did.

            They stood in the bathroom together, going through their morning routines together. Brushing their teeth, doing their hair, washing their face. They did it all together, laughing over whatever funny face they decided to make in the mirror at each other. And things were falling back into place.

~

            “I just want her to yell at me again! Why is she letting me get away with everything?” Jisung whined as he collapsed beside Changbin on the couch. Chan swivelled around in his chair to look at the pair on the couch.

            “Is it possible she heard our call the day you were complaining about her?” He asked as his mind started putting the pieces together. How she began to act different after their call that day. Jisung started to think about it, putting the same pieces together in his mind. But he wanted to deny it, didn’t want to believe that his girlfriend, his beautiful, perfect girlfriend, heard him complaining about her to his best friend. Because he knows had the roles been switched, he would be devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable.

            “No. No. No.” He began to shake his head as he repeated the word. “No. She couldn’t have. Absolutely not.” The tears started welling up in his eyes as he stood from the couch, now pacing around the studio, still repeating the word no. “Fuck!” He screamed. “How am I supposed to fix this? Did she hear us the other day in the studio talking about guys night?” He thought about how bad it would have sounded, overhearing him agree to cheating on his girlfriend, something he would never actually do. “Shit. Fuck. Dammit! Fuck!”

            “Okay, okay breathe Jisung. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” Chan said, reaching his arms out and placing his hands on Jisung’s shoulders. “Focus on your breathing.” Jisung nodded and Chan led him back to the couch to sit him down. Chan continued to coach him through the panic attack.

            “Thank you.” He said meekly. Chan just handed him a bottle of water and told him not to worry about it.

            “Listen dude, even if she did hear us the other day, you didn’t do anything. You left after half a drink and went straight home to her.” Changbin explained. “All of us will vouch for you if she asks. Even given the chance, you stayed loyal. That’s what matters.” Jisung nodded. Surrounded by girls that were begging for their attention. Jisung would still choose Y/n. No questions asked, no hesitation.

            He realizes then just how much he’s pushed her away. How she’s practically a shell of the woman he met and fell in love with. It was killing her to go along with everything he wanted, but she kept smiling, kept allowing him to do whatever. He felt disgusted with himself, hated himself, for being so happy, so excited, about it. Thinking his relationship was better than ever when in reality it was falling apart. “Hyung I need to fix this.” He said, looking at Chan, tears still in his eyes.

            “Go.” Was all Chan said. Jisung didn’t waste a second running out of the studio, into the streets, hailing a cab, and spitting out his address as fast as he could. He wasn’t sure how he was going to fix it, but he would do absolutely everything to do so.

~

            She was in the kitchen doing some baking when Jisung came barreling in, not bothering to take his shoes off, and wrapped his arms around her. She froze her actions, slowly melting into his touch. “What are you doing home already?”

            “Wanted to spend some time with my baby. We weren’t doing much.” Jisung pulled away from the back hug and leaned on the counter next to her so he could see her face. “So pretty. Look at you. Oh you’re blushing. Looks like I still got it.”

            “What you got is my foot up your ass if you don’t take your shoes off.” She joked as she lightly kicked his leg.

            “Kinky.” He replied as he went back to the front door to take his shoes off and put his slippers on. “Do you need help baby?” He asked as he walked back into the kitchen.

            “Well I was originally trying to surprise you, but you came back early.” She giggled as she continued working through the recipe. Jisung just stared at her, taking in everything about her. It was like his world was going in slow motion as he watched her. Even after everything he did, she was still trying to do things for him. To make him happy. To make him feel loved.

            “What did I do to deserve you?” He asked softly, wrapping his arms around her again, resting his chin on her shoulder. She turned her head to press a kiss to his cheek.

            “You exist, Sungie. That’s all you need to do.”

~

            “Come on. We don’t want to be late for dinner with our parents!” Y/n called up to Jisung, who was fixing his hair in the bathroom for the tenth time.

            “I’m coming.” He repeated over and over as he ran down the stairs. As he got to the bottom, he saw her, and he froze. Standing there in a dress that fit her oh so perfectly, her hair done, makeup done. He couldn’t stop staring, falling in love with her all over again. She was the most beautiful girl in the world to him. It was like time slowed down as she stood there. Like those prom scenes in movies but he’s the one walking down the stairs meeting her at the bottom. And if they didn’t need to meet their parents for dinner, he would be carrying her up to their bedroom.

            “Let’s go.” Jisung was starstruck. He knows there’s no way he’s ever going to love anyone else the way he loves her. And he regrets almost ruining it. Promises himself he’ll never make the same mistakes and continue loving her the way she deserves.

~

            Jisung was telling stories about the members, making them all laugh at the antics they get up to. She couldn’t help but stare at him whenever he was talking, loving the way the suit fit him. Thinking about all the things she could do to him once they were home. It’s been way too long since they’ve been intimate, with all the arguments, and then her distancing herself as to not have her heartbroken had he decided to walk away.

            But ever since he came back early from work, no before that, since he came back early from guys night, he’s the Sungie she fell in love with. Loving her the way he used to. She wakes up in his arms to him pressing kisses all over her face. He watches her as she cooks them breakfast. Comes home to her, wrapping her in a giant hug every single time.

            She unpacked the suitcase in the closet, no longer feeling the need to run before he got home. Everything is falling back into place.

            “So Jisung, when are you proposing?” Her mom asked. Jisung let out a breathy chuckle as he reached to grab Y/n’s hand.

            “Marriage isn’t in the cards anytime soon. I’m too busy for that.” He explained before jumping into another story about the boys. And she felt her entire world shatter once again. The embarrassment she felt had her nauseous, so she excused herself to the bathroom.

            Hovering over the toilet in a stall, tears streaming down her face as she wills the food to stay down. After the feeling passed, she cleaned herself up, hoping no one would notice that she cried. She took a couple deep breaths before exiting the bathroom, Jisung stopping her from returning to the table. “What?” She asked coldly.

            “Did I say something wrong?” He asked with a pout. Did he seriously not know how humiliated she feels right now?

            “We’ll talk later.” Was all she said before walking back to their table. And Jisung just smiled to himself, knowing she was none the wiser to his plan.

            “You feeling okay, pumpkin?” Her dad asked. She just smiled and nodded, explaining that there was a small line in the bathroom and that’s why she took a while. Jisung returned shortly after, grabbing her hand as soon as he sat down, running his thumb over her empty ring finger. It felt like salt in the wound so she took her hand back.

            Conversations continued on, but she didn’t contribute much. Trying her hardest not to cry again. It felt like she was suffocating and there was nothing she could do. Like she was sinking in quick sand, clawing her way up just to be sucked further down. Like she’s sinking to the bottom of a pool and no one is coming to save her.

            “Oh dear it’s getting late.” Jisung’s mom said. “Shall we pay and head out?” She looked directly at Y/n, giving her a small smile. It was as if she could see the suffering she was feeling and gave her a helping hand.

            “It’s on me, don’t even worry about it.” Jisung explained. Her parents and his parents thanked him for the dinner. And after he paid, the six of them headed out, going in separate directions towards their own vehicles. “Baby please talk to me.” Jisung pleaded, stopping her before she could get in the car.

            “You want to do this here?” She asked and he could tell she was upset. Something he hasn’t seen from her in months. Despite him trying his best to piss her off enough that’d she’d yell at him the last few weeks. Nothing seemed to work, she was determined to not start any fights. All because of that stupid phone call he had with Chan who knows how long ago. He doesn’t even remember what he said, but he knows she does.

            He knows she definitely has every word committed to memory and it haunts her every single day. And he wishes he could erase her memory of the call, but he can’t. He has to allow the words to haunt her and there’s nothing he could do about it. The things he would give up if it meant she wouldn’t hear those words.

            “You’re impossible.” She sarcastically laughed, tongue in cheek as she ripped her arm out of his grip and tried to get into the car once again, but he stopped her again. “Jisung please let’s just go home.”

            “Stop holding things in and just yell at me dammit!” He exclaimed.

            “I don’t want to do this here.” She said as she looked around. Some people were heading into the restaurant, some people were leaving. But there were people everywhere and she didn’t want to disturb their evening with some petty fight that will just end with him going to the dorms. Running away from their arguments like he always did.

            “Well I do. Tell me what I did to upset you.”

            “Fine.” She said before taking a deep breath. “You humiliated me Jisung. I understand that you’re busy and getting married anytime soon definitely isn’t happening. But really? Not in the cards? And then you continue talking about the members as if my mom asked about what you had for lunch? Fuck Jisung, they were all you talked about tonight. Maybe marriage isn’t a big deal to you, but it is to me. I want to get married. I want to marry you. If you don’t feel the same, tell me right now. Let’s end things before it’s too late.”

            “What? Baby no. No absolutely not. I’m not letting you go. Not now, not ever. You are my end game. My everything. I’ve made some mistakes, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to marry you. In fact-“ He paused for a second, reaching into his pants pocket, pulling out a small velvet box. With a smile on his face, he knelt down on one knee, opening the box to reveal a ring that was a dream. “I am so in love with you it’s not even funny anymore. I couldn’t picture living my life with anyone other than you. I’m sorry I said it wasn’t in the cards, but I couldn’t have you figuring out I was planning on proposing. So Y/n, baby, will you marry me?”

back to masterlist

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[thetarttfuldickhead]

If When Jamie is named England’s captain a few years from now and he’s asked about inspirational figures and captain role models, he will not stop singing Isaac’s praises. Just, the way Isaac runs a tight ship and won’t tolerate any nonsense but always has their backs and makes sure there’s a lot of fun, too, silly stuff that keeps the team close and happy and mutually supportive; keeps them feeling like family, almost. It’s Ted’s heritage, the seeds Ted planted, but Isaac’s nurtured and sustained them, tended to the garden and kept it in bloom, and added some vibrant saplings of his own.

Jamie probably names a couple of other people too, whoever was in charge when he played for Man City, someone from his academy days or England’s under-21s, people like that.

He doesn’t mention Roy. And no one asks about it, and no one thinks anything of it—

—except for Roy, who watches the interview with Keeley curled up against his side on their couch and who notices the omission with a wild jumble of hurt and wounded pride and shame and jealousy (all mixed up with the shocking, burning pride he feels for Jamie, England’s captain, fucking hell).

Because Roy knows he wasn’t a great captain for Richmond, yeah, and was a horrible captain for Jamie (though to be fair, Jamie was a horrible person to captain, and Isaac isn’t likely to have been able to handle him at full-on prick either, only Roy’s not fantastic at being fair to himself, so), but he’s still Roy fucking Kent, the best on any team he’s ever been on and Jamie’s fucking childhood idol and his fucking everything now, so to have the little prick not even mention him…

He sulks. He tries not to, because he knows it’s silly and it’s Jamie’s big day, isn’t it, and Roy’s not going to ruin it by having A Feeling, but the feeling(s) persist and he walks through the afternoon with his scowl several shades darker than normally.

“What’s the matter, babe?” Keeley asks, and Roy’s long since given up trying to bullshit her so he spills. Keeley nods and listens and gives him a hug and a kiss and tells him that yeah, you’re gonna need to let that go or actually talk to Jamie about it, because she has long since taken a stand on not sorting their shit out for them.

And she has a thing with Rebecca that afternoon (only it’s the first Roy’s ever heard of it, so he can’t help but wonder if she had a thing with Rebecca prior to Roy’s confession), so when Jamie gets home, bouncing through the door like a puppy on speed, it’s just Roy there to greet him and tell him how amazing he is and yes, of course Roy watched the announcement, your hair looked fucking fine, yes, Keeley saw it too, no, don’t worry, she’s just out for coffee, she’ll be back for dinner and let you know how very impressed she is, and it’d be easy to just let it lie, put the lingering regret away and bask in Jamie’s joy, but they’d said they’d try not do that anymore, not cover stuff up when there’s the chance they might fester, so when Jamie furrows his brow and cocks his head to the side and asks if he’s okay, Roy takes a deep breath:

“It fucking hurt my feeling when you didn’t mention me, when they asked about captains that have inspired you,” he says, and then adds before Jamie can reply, “I know why you didn’t and that’s… that’s fucking fair, innit, but. It also made me wish that I’d been. Better. A better captain. For you.”

“Yeah,” Jamie says after a long, silent moment. He’s wearing that slightly blank look he adopts whenever someone’s caught him by surprise and he’s trying to figure out how to react. “Um. Sometimes I wish I’d been less of a prick, too, you know.”

Roy nods. He knows. And it’s not absolution, and it neither erases or rewrites any of their past mistakes, but it eases the ache in Roy’s chest all the same.

“We’re better now,” he offers, to Jamie, to himself.

“Yeah,” Jamie agrees with a small sigh. He grabs hold of Roy’s hand, tugging him along as he sits down on the couch, and then he curls up against Roy’s side, same as Keeley did just hours ago. “You’re a great fucking coach, though” he tells Roy seriously. “Me favourite, swear down.”

Roy snorts a laugh as he puts an arm around Jamie. “Better fucking be, considering how many blowjobs I’ve given you this week alone.”

“Mm, fucking mint, those,” Jamie agrees thoughtfully, then jabs a finger in Roy’s side. “Oi, this is the part where you tell me I’m your favourite player.”

And oh. That’s perfect, innit. “You’re not my favourite player,” Roy says, carefully not looking at Jamie.

The noise Jamie makes are equal parts disbelieving and outraged. “Um, excuse me, mate?”

“You’re not,” Roy insists, feeling a smile tug at his lips as he innocently adds, “It’s probably Isaac.”

And Jamie huffs a laugh against his neck. And Jamie says you’re an arsehole. And Jamie says you’re me favourite arsehole, though.

You’re me favourite everything, man.

And Roy holds him tight and breathes him in and, for the moment, believes him.

[bredforloyalty]

alright now that i've watched it again, about fear no mort: how fascinating that most of morty's fear hole journey revolved around rick, so much so that an extended part of it was just a scenario in which rick's dead wife climbs to the top of his list of favorite people/reasons to live for and not only does he abandon morty but endangers the both of them. wild! morty third wheeling grumpily is wild (although i don't at all care about diane so that part of the episode was kind of soiled on first watch by me going "oh ://".. to be entirely honest. and i'm so mortypilled that if i could tweak the episode i would've put less grandpa in it lol and played it a bit more straight with focusing on morty but then again that's me and that would be a very different episode)

so, morty's afraid of rick not choosing him but also not choosing life, he's afraid of not being able to save rick and be someone he can depend on. it's an awful lot to take on, being the companion of someone who historically has not given much of a shit about himself and ended up hurting everyone around him with his callousness. it's a certain kind of selfishness, when you hate yourself and the world enough to turn inward and forget you have a responsibility to the people around you, and you forget there is a way out and forget the world does not abandon you, ever, only you can abandon yourself. and rick's only recently made some changes, it's a lot to look out for and care for someone (regardless if you intend to care or it was never a choice. and it wasn't) when they've been exceptionally cruel to you, when they don't think of you as capable of that or themselves as in need of that. morty's afraid of the very fact that he's committed, that he's got a mixture of affection and resentment and fear and a bunch of other things swirling inside him and it's all related to one man. he's terrified of what will happen if rick ever starts needing him and he's just not enough. fuck i loved that and thought it was delicious. eating the episode like an animal and licking all ten of my fingers after...

morty's also afraid of becoming his dad, who spent the majority of the previous seasons as a kind of doormat, who let his wife and father-in-law walk all over him, who didn't appreciate beth, who abandoned the family. maybeee even.. who didn't stick up for morty when a certain old man was taking advantage of him and breaking him down systematically. he fears humiliation and ostracism (typical teenage things, i was like that too and yet. not everyone is like that so it matters to me that i was very much like that too).. he's got so much shame, and although the settings are the school and the wider public for some of the fears, rick's role isn't exactly incidental in how morty functions outside of their relationship and who he's become. who has made him feel small and weak and stupid and who isolated him and prevented him from having the normal experiences all those other normal kids have? like sure it's not all rick but considering that by the end the fear is all about him, i feel like i can emphasize this. and sure rick's also the one who toughened him up (nothing scares him anymore, the school had to alert homeland security once, etc) but that's part of his fear too: rick's got his handprints all over him, he's everything, while rick's everything is not morty ((according to morty of course. little does he know.......))

anyway, the tragedy is that his worst fear does become reality, is his reality: rick didn't jump in after him. it's tragic because he perceives rick as someone who would never go as far for him as he would for rick, who could replace him, and by the end he accepts that. the fear is gone because being together is inevitable, there's nothing else to do but accept how they are and how vulnerable he is to rick. don't fear what you're destined to suffer!!! he's a loyal little dog! rick will never change and he's okay with that now. that's devotion, it's veiled by sci-fi bullshit and goofy jokes (and that terrible naked rap number that had me cringing uncontrollably hxsgvy) but it's devotion! except, to add to the tragedy while not really making it,, heavier, it's straight up untrue that rick could or would replace him. not jumping in the fear hole wasn't real evidence of how he feels, to morty it was just a representation of what he thinks is the worst of their relationship (the worst for him). we've been watching rick try and try and seeing the evidence of how he's changed all season, i think that makes it sadder that he's still not reassured the kid, that he still can't be honest or open enough to untangle the knot at the center of morty. that he tied

and yet, if i wasn't already reassured that rick's also committed, if not to morty personally then to the family and to making a continuous effort to improve, i would be reasured by how he didn't jump in at the end and instead took a picture of his grandson out of his wallet and pinned it to the 'went in the hole' board (lol). he had a picture in his wallet, god. he finally listened, he listened to morty who said it's not worth it, not even if diane is there, he chose not to immerse himself in his fears, his past and his wounds, and i would even say he chose not to go where morty couldn't follow. he chose his current reality and admitted morty is braver than him by pinning the picture, he wasn't condescending about morty running and jumping by himself. and most importantly, most cuckoo bananas of all, most 'kata is not going to be feeling well for a while' about the episode, when morty hugged him, he, for the first time!!, timidly started hugging back. and then morty immediately let go and pushed him away because he can't imagine a rick that hugs back, that loves him like he loves rick, he's so scared of the part of himself that wants to believe in that level of respect and care and reciprocation, the part that craves that. what the fuuuuck

rick's only recently started loosening his claws and thinking of how he could do right by his grandson and by others in general, it hasn't caught up with him yet that while morty does see him and does assess him accurately, he's not a mind reader and he's got insecurities and rick's at the center of them and well, you could say, you could say he should take responsibility for what he's done ('take responsibility' NOT in a canceling rick sanchez on twitter unless he repents for his grooming crimes way but in a waggling my eyebrows way forever and ever). ngl i wasn't super satisfied by the rest of the season as it was coming out but i'm excited to see where they take this, how these characters will develop further. and i was very happy to see an episode just about morty's side of the equation, i've been fed <3

[soapy-birblover]

Dead Boy Detectives x The Locked Tomb AU

Charles and Edwin have SUCH cavalier-necromancer potential it’s insane!!!!!!!!

My rambles on this AU below:

Edwin - Fifth House necromancer, generalist with slightly more experience in spirit magic and psychometry. Focuses more on the application of necromancy rather than research. Has studied on the Sixth House at some point.

Charles - Fourth House cavalier, offhand is a buckler (small shield. to protect Edwin :D).

They would have met at Koniortos Court on the Fifth, leading to a rare interhouse pairing which was only allowed due to the close association between their houses (I’m not sure if this would work in universe, as a lot of necro cav pairs are pre-determined, but maybe their pairing was some sort of alliance between houses, or maybe they’re low ranking enough that it doesn’t matter). Due to how revenants work in The Locked Tomb, I think our dead boys are gonna have to be alive, as even if Edwin cracked some way to exist as a fully conscious revenant that doesn’t need to attach itself to something/one, who would their clients even be lmao.

But yeah. Their devotion to one another would be insane (like Palamedes and Camilla levels of insane; they know exactly how the other thinks and are able to work together perfectly). If they were sent to the frontlines to fight, their role would more so be helping things run smoothly: detecting lingering revenants, helping suffering soldiers pass on through the River, solving the odd mystery here and there, whatever.

Charles being from Fourth House has.. hehehe... implications. He would most likely have siblings to “compete with” instead of being an only child, so maybe that feeds into his desire to please his father. Soldiers from the Fourth House tend to die young, so perhaps he’s stressed about keeping him and Edwin safe and alive. Also. "Four for fidelity, facing ahead" AHAHHAHAHA the loyalty is baked so hard into this guy. Charles would be a pretty good cavalier, as in this universe he would have actually had training, but his main priority is to protect Edwin, and he can usually do that through distraction and taking the blunt of a blow. As a necro-cav pair they would try to avoid violence, sort of like Pal and Cam.

Other characters:

Crystal - Third House necromancer who received training on the Fifth House due to a natural talent for spirit and soul magic. David was a fellow Third House necromancer (flesh magician) she dated, but then he died somehow (probably in some dumbass way), and now he’s an asshat revenant haunting her and fucking with her mind. If she has a cavalier, she doesn’t remember them.

Niko - Fifth House, neither a necromancer nor cavalier. Literally just chilling. Maybe she’s a romance writer or academic who writes fanfic on the side.

The Cat King - Heir to the House of the Third, Crown Prince of Ida. His cavalier primary is likely extremely skilled but someone he doesn't care all that much about. Powerful animaphilia flesh magician necromancer, and extremely influential within his house. He doesn't have "nine lives" but is instead very good at self regeneration, given some time, of course, as it's strenuous.

Esther - Seventh House necromancer. She attempted Lyctorhood without knowing that’s what it was, but messed it up (this is when she murdered her husband + his lover), so while she lives eternally (unless killed hard enough), her body is in a constant state of decay that she mitigates with injections of thalergy (which she extracts from little girls :3). She relies heavily on Eighth House soul siphoning magic for her methods, so has probably studied there. She’s not technically a Lyctor, but still very powerful, and lays low on her planet because she's content to just be a menace there, and maybe take over one day, if she can be bothered. She didn't absorb that much of her husbands' soul, so permeability is lower than usual, but still leads to some juicy shit whenever she catches herself thinking or doing something that he used to do, because she HATES him man. Also he was just some guy, so Esther doesn't have any cavalier skills, and can't drop into the River.

Monty - Seventh House cavalier. Esther chose to be paired with him when he was born, because she didn't want to be forcefully paired up with some rando who would report her little girl murders. So, you know, homeschooling indoctrination vibes. Esther doesn’t think she needs a cavalier, so he doesn’t do much besides odd jobs for her (kind of like Ortus but instead of writing fanfic poetry he’s into astrology). His offhand is a chain (I think that's customary for Seventh House cavs? also because chain symbolism relates to his relationship with Esther :P).

Jenny - Second House, neither a necromancer nor cavalier. Likely works to prepare food for Cohort soldiers. Received some cavalier training as a child but was never bonded with an adept, but, you know, the Second House wants everyone to be a somewhat competent fighter. Proficient at rapier with dagger offhand, but weapon of choice in a pinch are her butcher blades (two short swords).

Night Nurse - First House, definitely a Lyctor, idk who her cavalier would have been though (hence I don't have a saintly title for her). Originally Sixth House (all that bureaucracy!), or maybe even Eighth House (Mercymorn vibes). Her offhand is a net because she do be trying to catch people.

Okay. Okay now imagine Edwin trying to solve their conflict with Esther in a more civil manner: cavalier duel between Charles and Monty. Bro that’s. That’s delicious. The drama of it. Esther wondering why the duel seems so personal. Monty glancing at Edwin every few seconds. Charles getting ready to beat Monty's ass. Ehehehheherhehe.

[lunarflux]

I've seen people saying that a relationship with Aemond would only turn out to be toxic because of one reason or another... Do you agree with that? Because idk I feel like if he loves someone who treats him well, he'd treat them well and respect and be mindful of them too, right?

He doesn't strike me as someone immoral/abusive with his loved ones, he always turns out to be gentle in the end, he craves love after all, and I think it'd be the same with a romantic partner.

No, I don't think it would end up toxic. Would there be explosive moments? Sure. Given the circumstances of his entire life, it'd be impossible for him to maintain his composure all the time. Especially when his pride is hurt, he wouldn't be able to reel it in so easily even with an emotionally compatible partner. However, I think that with the right partner, they'd be the only one who can calm him down in the most efficient way with little to no damage and with the most positive impact on him.

Both Aemond and Aegon are emotionally immature, but it shows in different ways. Aegon lacks the understanding of how his emotions can affect others while Aemond has learned to swallow everything he feels so that nothing can hurt him anymore. That being said, someone like Aemond might be the type to love too hard and be unable to show it in a way that lets his partner know the depth of his feelings. Again, in the case that this is the right partner, that wouldn't really matter, and they'd be able to understand him in other ways.

If we go through the multitude of toxic behaviors (let's start with a handful): jealousy/possessiveness, carelessness/ignorance/blaming, inequality/inferiority, a disregard for boundaries, lying/gaslighting/toxic communication/constant criticism:

(working all under the assumption that this is the right partner)

Jealousy/Possessiveness: Aemond envies what his brother has because he feels Aegon doesn't deserve it but it was handed to him anyway. For Aemond's partner, he already has her. She already "belongs" to him. He would only ever feel jealous if he felt there was someone more worthy of her than he is.

Carelessness/Ignorance/Blame: The right partner would know what they're signing up for. He's a Targaryen Prince for fuck's sake. Any person who would believe they could have all of him shouldn't have him at all, and Aemond would easily cast aside or ignore someone who's so in need of him that it would hinder his day-to-day concerns that go beyond a relationship. This part goes both ways. They would need to be absolutely independent and understand their role as well as his. That being said, because they are separated, Aemond would know they have no hand in anything he does other than what conversations are had after he's done what he's had to outside of his responsibilities. Everything he does is for the sake of the crown and his family, so he wouldn't blame his partner for something like a decision to burn Sharp Point. He would rather own up to it than shift the blame because then he's lost control.

Inequality/Inferiority: Not much to say about this. Aemond is a Targaryen. His partner would be more likely to feel inferior, and the toxicity would come from their end. If it was on Aemond's end, it would more likely be that his partner is seeing his frustration due to him feeling inferior to someone else outside of the relationship.

A disregard for boundaries: Aemond doesn't seem like the type to intrude on his partner's privacy. Nor would he force himself upon them, and that's just as a result of his sexual history.

Lying/Gaslighting/Toxic Communication/Constant Criticism: Of this list, he would be most likely guilty of constant criticism, but I only see it happening as the result of him having a bad day. And anything he would say would be hyperbolic but it would only be a small fraction of the truth. He might nitpick and criticize, but should his partner have the confidence to know that this is what he does when he's angry, they'd take it as a nonsensical momentary occurrence. His partner would be able to find the right moment, sit him down, and ask him what happened. I don't think he'd apologize, but they'd know he didn't mean it.

Aemond's partner would unfortunately(?) need to be someone who helps him grow and understand how to speak to others on an intimate level. He keeps things formal until he can't control his emotions, so he would need to learn how to open up the floodgates and really speak his mind in a place where he feels safe and with a person he knows he can trust above all. His partner would be able to see passed empty words and choose not to fight back, but instead, they'd mirror him with the face of serenity and ease. Fear and anger disrupt logic, so they'd have to stand in front of him and throw logic in his face when his anger is directed to the wrong person. He wouldn't be able to be with someone who's weak, and in a sense, his partner would need to be mentally stronger than him in order to keep him standing.

[ultraviolet-cello]

Aw man. Today's the last day of @tristampparty and I am surprisingly sad about it. I'll be catching up the days I missed at some point, but I've chucked all that I've written, including today, into a google document and I apparently wrote 7.5k words over the course of episode 6 to today.

That's! A Lot!

I really wanna thank everyone who reblogged and gave me their additional thoughts/commentary, and special thanks to Revenantghost for organizing this whole thing! you do good work for this fandom i am giving u a gold star

With that, here we go into Episode 0 - High Noon at July. CWs for pregnancy discussion and a less detailed than last time but still present analysis of sexual assault and transphobia, marked with a [CW] Ofc, spoilers for Trimax and Tristamp

Cowboy kid Knives is something u can pry from my cold dead hands but it's also,,, I don't watch a lot of westerns, but the way Knives describes it seems like he likes the high action and justice. Which yea. yeah.

A lot of ppl interpret Vash then saying that he doesn't like that sorta stuff as him having always had pacifistic tendencies but I don't really read it that way? I just see him being rather similar to Trimax Vash - chill kid with his own interests and hobbies and Knives being the very oversensitive kid so outshines him initially.

Regardless of version of Trigun (except 98. 98 didn't know shit about knives lmao), Vash and Knives have always started off wanting to coexist and be peaceful; it's just how they reacted to it later that differs. In this case, Knives wants to stand up for his friends and make a peaceful world through that, and Vash is more passive in that he just wants to have faith in humanity.

Not to mention they are kids. Young, idealistic kids. This is pre-Tesla, they don't know the extent of how horrible the world is. The loss of innocence and subsequent breakdowns relating to The Horrors is yet to come.

[CW] Mmmmm they really don't make the pregnancy imagery subtle now do they dfgkjdfjk

I also think there's like - merit in also interpreting Knives as trans. Not Just because i think he's also very trans coded (A lot of his breakdowns and story arcs have reflections in how some trans men overcompensate masculinity in a Bad Way. That's a very small subsection of trans guys btw but I am speaking from experience. I got better tho). Anyway it makes the fact that Knives is disregarding Vash's bodily autonomy very much Worse if you take the male plants are trans analogy into it.

He's so far gone that he's willing to do to Vash what would be the worst thing to be done to him; Violating his body to rebuild and make him a perfect independent ("remind him of biological reality"), physically overpowering him ("taking the aggressor, commonly masculine role in sexual assault") to do what he wants. Disregarding the wants and needs of the Plants ("women +fem-presenting ppl that he originally set out to protect because he knew their experience and wanted to help and still has that trauma from witnessing that trauma")

Ofc that's just a reading of the scene, but I quite like it as a trans guy because that makes a really good villain with trans themes/motifs! I hate him so much (affectionate)

No, no she doesn't. Meryl is making a choice and she's gonna damn well stick to it! She's been given agency and she's gonna spend it in the most eldritch horrific scene that someone on that planet could spend it lmao. Well, no Knives takes most eldritch and horrific. Meryl's second tho

Okay this fucking scene drives me INSANE. This is a memory, clearly, but it's one that's being tampered with. Vash asks Knives if they can get along with humans, and then Knives immediately messes with the memory to make sure that he says that he'll protect Vash no matter what. But that is very clearly not what was originally said, so... What did he say? What was present day Knives so desperate to cut off?

I've talked about the narrative being biased against Knives a lot, but something I haven't talked about is that Knives kinda tries to contribute to that narrative a lot. He wants to seem like he never cared about humans, he wants to seem like he always planned this and was going for justice ever since he was a kid. He tells Vash the Tesla incident was just a small grain of sand, he uses Luida to tell everyone he wants to kill Rem, he's unbearably cruel to Vash to make his point. The only difference is that he wants to be right.

So he doesn't let us see what the kid version of him says, because that would contradict the narrative he's built for himself.

I really wanna give props to Studio Orange here for both the design and way they modelled the wing here, that's a really difficult task when the guy you're putting a wing on has a tight as hell bodysuit. But the anatomy holds up surprisingly well!

Also many people have pointed out that the plant mech looks a lot like Rem, and Knives staring into the face of a Plantish representation of his mother that is created and controlled subconsciously by his brother and saying he was rejected is. It sure is a scene!

ONCE AGAIN. INCREDIBLE EFFECTS. I also would like to once again point out the angelic motifs of Knives' design here.

Also Vash saying this is SO important because Meryl!!! is so important!!! I see a lot of people brush Meryl's space in the story off and it Enrages me because Meryl is one of the most important people to Vash. Aside from our frontline yaoi soldier Nicholas D. Wolfwood, Meryl has one of the most tangible impacts on Vash's character.

When Vash is in his breakdown in Trimax, Meryl is the one to kneel at his side and believe in him; When Vash is having his god awful horrible mindscape time in Tristamp, Meryl does the same. When Meryl is kidnapped in Trimax, Vash instantly jumps out of a window in the chance of getting her back. Vash trusted her enough to fire the ion cannon in the sand steamer episode. He immediately went to July the moment she and Roberto were kidnapped.

Meryl has so much faith in Vash and she's insane for that, but Vash recognizes her and that faith pays off in giving him the strength to carry on. He heard her voice, too :]

Also oh to be floating slowly down to the floor while you're a meter away from a cube with the power of an atom bomb while someone named Millions Knives is summoning millions of knives in front of u. Meryl has guts, man.

And now that Vash has gotten his gun back, he's back to using it as a tonfa! (check I think my analysis of episode 7 for more on that). Watching for the swing blocks, the forearm guard, and thwacking the knife tendrils out of the way

This fight scene has soooo much love and care and detail in it I love it so much actually. From seeing Vash's bullets to all the expressions and beautifully detailed firing, there's so much detail in a quick space that you really have to slow it down to see everything.

Seriously how strong is Knives to be able to have a feasible chance again Vash's prosthetic - and Vash matches him! Also the chomp

Now something that I have the shakiest of theories on is that after summoning The Cube, Vash starts moving in a far more controlled manner, he stands still when reloading, he has his movement flurries and then stands still to aim. Which uh. Studio Orange works in 3d, but those are 2d animation techniques. He's moving like 98 Vash.

There's a lot I admire about Studio Orange's use of 3d (I am a mid-tier 2d artist lmao) but I love love love that they're able to get all these really nice, creative camera shots that would be impractical in 2d (all those overhead shots, for example, have a chance of turning about bad/looking weird in 2d, and puts more strain on animators, but 3d you have the models from every angle already. 3d isn't easier by any means, but it does have its strengths)

Also. how Did Wolfwood get over here, dare I ask. mans climbed a tower in just a few minutes what is Wrong with him

Also a nice detail, Vash usually has perfect trigger discipline, but he falters here against Knives, probably because he's been already shooting, but hey, he's stressed. I'll give him a break.

I also appreciate exactly how superhuman Wolfwood is now. Tristamp Wolfwood is on a different level. Like 98 Wolfwood is just some (attractive) guy, Trimax Wolfwood has a lot of gory body horror going on and a subtle kind of endurance/strength, but Tristamp Wolfwood just jumped off a very tall building holding a grown woman and the Punisher and was fine.

Oh hey, same symbol on the tower as was on the sandsteamer and on Vash's wanted poster - symbol of July, probably

Very horribly, Knives probably did just save Vash's life here. But also the rest of July's life (though ofc he just extended the timer)....

I'm not quite sure When Vash started using plant bullets, but he's definitely using them now. Also the nails on his prosthetic are a nice touch!

THE FLYING SAUCER STRIKES AGAIN. I wonder if that's gonna be the basis of the Ark, if that's the route season 2 goes.

I also. Was that allI the Plants collected that escaped in this, or were there a bunch still running in July that get obliterated too? Did Knives inadvertently cause the death of more plants? I mean, when Knives gets revived in Trimax he definitely causes the death of at least 2 plants (there are a couple of bulbs in the background of the blast radius, plus the one that was used to revive him... she uh. Didn't look like she was doing so hot)

Vash's little speech is always so,,, intense. He has such a strong sense of character and it's admirable how well he sticks to his morals despite it all.

On a more body horror note, Knives can survive a long fucking time trying to grab The Cube. In Trimax he gets hit with the angel arm and practically disemboweled instantly, but Tristamp Knives can take over a minute of just like. being right in the direct path of fire. They're really gonna have to work to reconstruct him. Good luck, Legato!

UFO SPOTTED !!! LEAVING JULY AS IT IS DESTROYED !! NOT CLICKBAIT !!!

^ I made that long ago and needed to use it somewhere dfgkjdfg

[RAUCOUS CHEERING]

And ofc I have to bring up Eriks :] I don't actually have too much to say abt him. Studio Orange strip this man and make him bark like a dog next season or we will riot

CHRONICA MENTION!!!!! YAYYYYYY

And that's kinda. It.

Man I have had such fun over the last 12 days, I've really discovered a love for analyzing and theories and putting that out there and chatting with people about Trigun :] I should do this more often lmao but I do want to get back to drawing. I'll find a balance, then!

Thank you all for coming, and Wow if you made it this far I must be doing something right lmao.

[jessource]

prompts:　prelude to ecstasy by the last dinner party.

here comes the feminine urge, i know it so well.

do you want me, or do you want control?

this is the only thing i know how to do.

i could never live with the guilt of lying.

and lately i've been thinkin', what if i keep sinking?

i hope they never understand us.

even when the cold comes crashing through, i'm putting all my bets on you.

cleanse my soul, make me whole.

she's there when i wake up, at the end of my bed with a smile on her face and a gun to my head.

do what i can to survive.

cause we're a lot alike.

a sailor and a nightingale dancing in convertibles/

i know i'm better off not looking back.

oh, anyone could kill me, and i'd never ever let it be you.

foolish thinking i could have you.

i don't exist without your gaze.

and just for a second, i could be one of the greats.

when i was a child, i never felt like a child.

you could swim in these eyes.

wine is on your blouse.

i wish i knew you back when we were both small.

what i'm feeling isn't lust, it's envy.

hold me, we can't go back.

you can hold me like he held her.

guide me, show me how, and let me be your arrow.

wish i could do without this blood on my face.

i will fuck you, like nothing matters.

time slips away.

to nurture the wounds my mother held.

i will hold your hands to stop them from shaking.

i am not the girl i set out to be.

the best a boy can ever be is pretty.

i fade away.

strike me,  pierce me straight through the heart.

it's my fate to have never seen you.

my darling, believe me, i was born to be with you.

i wish i knew you before it felt like a sin.

if i drown will they make me a star?

you don't wanna hurt me, but i want you to.

how i wish the trees would swallow me, make me a forest, take away my soul.

i'm just a mirror, pretty glass, an empty heart.

i wish that i had the guts–the dignity to put up a fight.

when you laid like a wolf with your head on my lap. i felt like one of those portraits of women protected by a beast on a chain.

i'll leave you flowers, but not my name.

what good are red lips when you're faced with something sharp?

when i put on that suit, i don't have to stay mute.

i'll see you on sunday.

i wish that i let you have the dignity of letting me go.

you smiled so sweetly as you threw me down the rocks.

oh, ballerina bend under the weight of it all.

no one else is to blame.

i wish i could be a beautiful boy.

i have gotten too tall.

when you drown, do they know who you are?

i need to slow my thinkin'.

i want to take your picture.

i'd spend the mornings by your side.

if anyone could kill me, it probably would be you.

is it in this city?

i break apart without your arms.

i wish you had given me the courtesy of staying one more night.

a guard dog there just for her. if only she know that with one wrong move, he'll turn around and tear off her hands.

when i drown, will i get very far?

no i won't speak to you.

forgive me, father, won't you take it back?

let me make my grief a commodity.

break my glass to fix your heart.

burn me.

je ne veux pas penser.

i wish you had given me the courtesy of ripping out my throat.

we're both just addicts.

if it takes all night, i will be on your side.

there is candle wax melting in my veins.

it could take some time, time to talk freely.

he's got letters on his fist: r-i-d-e.

tell me how you're feeling, i'll reflect the reason.

i'd die for you, no questions asked.

everyone will love me!

i wish i didn't want you.

do you want me to care when you just disappear?

failure to commit to the role, i admit was a failure you achieved on your own.

i'll be ceaser on a tv screen, champion of my fate.

ain't it fun to hold the world in your hand?

when you're lying here i believe you love me.

when you drown, they'll forget who you are.

everyone will like me then.

there's nothing for me. here, where the world is small.

i'd break off my ribs to make another you.

i'm only here, for your entertainment.

do you feel like a man when i can't talk back?