#no longer calm the only desk i can use now causes me physical pain i want to die again

[lord-shitbox]

no amount of thanks for it in the fucking world is worth the shit im going through

[the7thcrow]

indulgence | part one

~

pairing: felix x (fem) vampire!reader series

summary: an indulgence grows to become dangerous, as the society of hampden college takes note of y/n’s new blood bag.

series masterlist.

word count: 4.9k

genre: forbidden love, angst (sorta), fluff, suggestive.

warnings: blood, suggestive content (kissing and a shirt comes off, nothing too crazy lmao), hook-ups (but nothing is explicitly described), strong language, and vampires ofc.

rating: 16+

a/n: hi everyone! this is my first fic, so i’m sorry if it’s a little messy. this is part one of what will be a series. i’d love to hear some feedback, so don’t be afraid to shoot me an ask or message! i hope you enjoy!

...

..

.

You are late. The pattering of rain echos from atop your umbrella, the puddles of pooling water soaking your loafers as you hurry along the busy street. However, you pay no mind as the liquid seeps into your shoes, mud embedding itself along your pant leg. On a normal day, you’d scowl. You’d curse the shitty weather, and grumble as you marched home to change into a dry pair of shoes. Only today is different. Today it doesn’t matter, not when you have far greater troubles warranting your concern.

The Council isn’t pleased. They’d be even more upset, if that were even possible, if you arrived tardy. You can imagine their old, petulant faces, looking down on you with disgust. Perhaps even pity, seeing you as nothing more than a childish young girl, who’d been foolish enough to break her vow. You frown to yourself, that’s all they would ever see you as. It didn’t matter how the years passed by, to them you were, and would always be simply that. A child. Always younger, always naive. Most of all, always beneath them.

The headquarters becomes visible in the distance, clouded in the slight haze of fog. It appears to be like any other building on the Hampden Campus. Old and rustic, elegant in the way it was shaped and carved, a relic of history reflected in a modern day era. Only this building holds a far different tale than those surrounding it.

Far more bloody. Far more gruesome. A home to monsters.

Monsters like yourself.

You knock on the door. Twice, slowly. Then a pause, before three times quickly. A code, letting anyone inside know that you are, in fact, a member of The Society. 

The door opens with a creak, a young boy with electric blue hair peeking out through the crack. After recognizing your face, he smiles, ushering you in quickly as the door slams shut behind you.

“Y/N! It’s good to see you. It’s been a while, huh?” The boy says, casually leaning against the door. It has been a while, you never came to this god awful building unless it was absolutely necessary.

“I guess it has been. But it’s nice to see you too, Jeongin,” you speak warmly in return. You’ve known Jeongin for a couple years now, since he first arrived at The Society doorstep. Alone and confused. A freshling, having just been turned. While perhaps not physically, he’s certainly grown since then, in both confidence and courage.

Suddenly, the smile drops from his face, his expression becoming sullen. “I hear you’ve gotten yourself into some trouble,” he states. When you don’t respond, he continues. “It’s not true, is it? I know you wouldn’t-”

“Listen, Jeongin,” you cut him off quickly. You aren’t in the mood to be lectured, especially not by someone whose opinion you actually care about. “I’m already running late. I’ll catch up with you after, okay?”

“Wait, Y/N!” He calls after you, but you’ve already disappeared down the hall, heading towards the council room. You quickly cast a glance at your watch. Shit, five minutes late. They wouldn’t forget that.

With only a quick breath to gather yourself, you burst in through the large wooden doors. The silence in the council room is deafening, as all heads turn to face you. In all your life, you’ve never seen so many dissatisfied faces. 

“Ms. L/N,” the head councilman calls. He has an old face, embedded with wrinkles and a scalp of thinning white hair. Unlucky. He could have been beautiful, or at the very least, young. However, he must’ve been turned late. A pity, to stare at such a reflection for eternity. 

You stifle a laugh. The frown he always appeared to be wearing probably wasn’t helping. 

“Take a seat,” he states, motioning to the chair seated in the center of the room. How dramatic you think, to put you in the middle of so many staring eyes. While the council was only composed of three individuals, the room seems to be full of other lower ranked members of The Society. 

As you take your seat, your gaze wanders the room, landing on a familiar head of shaggy brown hair. His eyes bore into your own, his expression serious. Perhaps even angry, the longer he stares at you. 

You want to say something. Mostly, to ask him what the fuck he’s doing here. This isn’t any of Chan’s business, yet for whatever reason he has the audacity to stare at you as if it is. As if you will grant him answers. As if he deserves answers.

“Ms. L/N,” the chairman interrupts your thoughts. “Do you know why you’re seated here today?” 

Why are you seated here today? Well, that answer is complicated. How could you have possibly gotten yourself into such a mess? How could you have been so foolish? You knew the rules. You knew what was permitted and what was not. Yet, you chose to ignore these conditions.

Why? What could possibly have made you toss everything you’d promised to the side? 

Well, that story starts with a head of bright blonde hair, and a set of curious eyes.

~~~~

The library of Hampden College had become something of a second home to you. Late nights spent bent over a book, transcribing various philosophies and literature into latin. Sometimes greek, however you didn’t have quite the same knack for it. That’s where you found yourself tonight, your beaten down copy of The Iliad staring back at you from its place on the table. 

Your classics degree was coming along just fine. You didn’t mind the endless books to read and poems to analyze. Nor the papers you often found yourself crafting from this very spot in the corner of the library. It was always quiet, always solitary at this time. Even the night owl students having gathered their books, departing the library for a brief rest before their early classes the following morning.

Tonight however, was different. You heard the door creak open, glancing up as a boy appeared in the doorway. He had long blonde hair, fluffing at the nape of his neck. Sporting a sharp blazer and a pair of oxfords, you couldn’t deny he was well dressed. Perhaps that’s why he grabbed your attention immediately, you were attracted to effort. To someone who was put together, who cared. 

The boy took a seat just a few tables away from your own, gently setting his books down and disappearing into the maze of shelves to your left. You attempted to go back to your work, but couldn’t seem to find your focus. Who was this boy? You’d never seen him before in all your time at Hampden. Also, why would he possibly be at the library so late? You recognized the faces of those who while rare, might possibly be here at this time of night. He wasn’t one of them. 

You would remember if he was.

You strained your neck trying to find his figure, having lost him almost immediately.

“A fan of Homer?” A voice rang out from beside your ear. You jumped in shock, greeted by a sweet smile and wide eyes. The boy chuckled. “I’m sorry, didn’t mean to scare you.”

You smiled sweetly, trying to calm your beating heart. “No worries. And well, you translate the entirety of Book Eight overnight into Greek, and tell me if you could still consider yourself a ‘fan of Homer.’”

The boy laughed before beginning to pull a chair out beside you. “May I?” He asked.

Looking back, you should have said no. You had a lot more work to do, and near no time to do it. Not to mention of course, rejecting him initially could have saved you from this whole mess. Instead you nodded, a grin forming at the corners of your lips as he sat down. 

“What’s your name?” He asked. His voice was sweet, sultry. Alarming in just how deep it was, not quite fitting his bright and youthful exterior. 

“Y/N, classics department. Yourself?”

“Felix,” he answered. There it was, the first time you heard the name that would cause your undoing. “I’m majoring in history. Listen,” he began, leaning in slightly closer as if he were going to tell you a secret, his voice lowering further. “I must say, I’m in here all the time, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen you before.”

You hummed, leaning in closer to him as well. His eyes glinted. “Well that’s simple, I’m assuming you don’t frequent the library at-” you glanced at your watch- “2:32 in the morning.”

Felix’s eyebrows furrowed with something like concern. “You’re here every night at this time? Why?”

“Hey,” you began, not wanting to lose the playful nature to the conversation. You’d heard enough concerned voices to last a lifetime already. “Aren’t you here this late yourself? You’re in no place to judge.”

He laughed, and you knew you could get used to that sound. “Fair enough, I’ll leave it be.”

“Why are you here this late, anyway?” You asked.

“Oh, so you get to know my secrets, but I can’t know yours?”

“Of course.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, resting his head on the desk, cradled by his crossed arms. “If you must know, I couldn’t sleep. Figured I’d read some of your classics, thought they might help me doze off.”

You shoved his arm, to which he feigned a groan of pain, clutching his shoulder. “Excuse you,” you laughed. “I have a lot of Homer to struggle through, and no time for your cheap shots. You can go ahead and leave now.”

You were surprised when he got to his feet, worried for a moment he’d taken you seriously and was actually about to make his exit. Instead, he disappeared into the philosophy section, emerging with a copy of The Odyssey. Felix flopped down back in his chair beside you, extending his feet on top of the table and leaning backwards. 

“Well, then I guess I’ll suffer along with you,” he said. Without another word, he flipped towards the first page.

Felix was a good person to study with. Well, technically you weren’t studying with him, but nonetheless it was nice to have him in the room. He didn’t bother you, didn’t speak, just let you do your work. Sometimes you’d look up and meet his gaze, his eyes imploring you. Curious. Mischievous. 

Dangerous.

“Alright,” you yawned after an hour or so had passed by, stretching your arms high in the air. “I’m done.”

He smiled, slowly closing his book and setting it down on the table. “Yeah? Finally going to go home and sleep?” 

“Sleep? What’s that?” You said, playfully scoffing. “Nah, it’s already past 3:30, it’ll be 4 by the time I get back to my apartment. Not worth it at this point.”

“Hmm,” Felix hummed, a flicker of mischief in his growing smile. “What ever will you do to pass the time?”

“I don’t know,” you returned, excitement building in your chest. “But I suppose I’ll leave you now. You still have about 3 quarters of The Odyssey to get through, and I don’t want to tear you away from-”

You shouldn’t have been surprised when his lips crashed into yours, but you were. You let out a small “mff” against the sudden impact. It took your brain a second to catch up to speed on what was happening. Here you were, with this incredibly beautiful boy of whom you literally just met, kissing in the middle of the library. 

Your second thought was about how you’d never done this before. Not kissing someone, hell you’d done a lot more than just that. But never a stranger, and certainly never a human, for that matter. You had to be careful with who you got close to, you never knew who could be dangerous, who could be a hunter. Besides, The Society had rules, and this alone was undoubtedly breaking a few of them.

So what the hell were you doing?

You should stop this, you thought. But the more you settled into a rhythm, the more your worries trailed from your mind. Felix was a good kisser. A really good kisser. His lips were soft, warm, his breath sharp with the taste of mint. When the dork had a chance to pop a tic tac you didn’t know, but it made you smile against him. 

You ran your fingers through his hair, leaning into him. He groaned in response, moving his hands down your figure, settling in on your waist. Carefully he began to fiddle with the buttons at the bottom of your blouse, and with that it all suddenly became real.

“We can’t do this,” you breathed, finally breaking away from him. 

“Oh, I’m sorry. I went too far, I-” he began to apologize, frantically removing his hands from your body and shifting backwards into his chair.

“No,” you replied, a smile tugging at the corner of your lips at his sweetness. You grabbed the collar of his shirt, gently tugging him closer to you. “We can’t do this here.” 

The Society had rules, plenty. Human’s, in any sort of relationship, were out of the question. Public displays of affection with even your own kind, especially of the more vulgar sort, were off limits as well. The idea was to not bring attention to yourselves, to not cause a scene. And if you were going to break one of these rules so terribly, you figured you could at least pay the respect to do so privately.

“Okay,” he mumbled, placing his forehead against your own. “Where should we go?”

“My place? It’s a little far from here, but I don’t have any roommates. So..”

Felix smiled, planting a soft, lingering kiss at the nape of your neck. “Lead the way.”

~~~~

The walk over to your apartment wasn’t awkward per say, it was simply...charged. Felix had his arm looped around your own, making your way silently down the dark, lantern lit path through campus. You could feel your heart beating rapidly in your chest, a desire thrumming down inside you, resurfacing. It had been a long time since you’d last been with someone. That last person being Chan, your ex as of eight months ago.

Things had been good with Chan. Great even, in the beginning at least. He was intense, thoughtful. He loved you deeply. Most of all, Chan understood. Like you, he was a member of The Society. He was under every restriction you were, and felt all the same frustrations. 

Of course, not all good things can last. Eventually your relationship began to sour. Your arguments became full on brawls. Your differences and quirks became unbearable. You couldn’t be in the same room without being at one another's throats. You were the one who finally decided to end things. 

Chan was the only man you’d ever loved, and since him you’d never entertained the thought of being with another. Until now, that is. You glanced towards Felix, who was staring ahead down the street, his eyes dark. You could feel his own desire radiating off of him, visible in the way he slowly swallowed, his adam’s apple bobbing. Besides, Felix could give you something more. Something Chan could never.

No. You stopped yourself. That wouldn’t be happening tonight. It would only make things more complicated, more dangerous. Still, you could feel it deep inside you, pounding for control. That familiar, incessant hunger. The more you tried to ignore it, the more it was there. Becoming stronger as your ears focused in on Felix’s heart beat, the sound of blood pumping through his veins.

You were pulled from your thoughts as the sight of your apartment complex appeared in front of you. Quietly you entered, making your way up the stairs and towards your own door. Releasing your arm from Felix’s, you fumbled for your keys in your purse. Giving him a small smile, you twisted your key in the lock, and allowed him inside.

The moment you closed your apartment door, all bets were off. Felix tossed his books onto your kitchen table, clashing into you with a speed that almost made you lose your own breath. You felt your back press against the wall behind you, Felix’s lips devouring your own. Desperate and wanting.

He quickly revisited the buttons of your blouse, this time starting at the top and beginning to make his way down. All the meanwhile his lips traced your neck, gently brushing against your skin. With every new kiss fueling your own desire, you slowly began to rock your hips into his own. This was escalating. Fast. As he finished with the last button, he allowed your blouse to drop from your shoulders, smiling to himself as he took you in. 

“Your turn,” you breathed, tugging at the collar of his shirt as a signal to take it off. He did so, absent-mindedly tossing it aside into your living room. He took your chin in his hand, forcing you to look up at him, staring deeply into your eyes. Then he proceeded to say the very last thing you ever expected him to:

“Look at your eyes… You haven’t fed in weeks, have you?”

You slapped his hand away and shoved him off of you, rushing to the otherside of the room, putting the coffee table between yourselves. “How-How do you?” You stammered, physically unable to form a complete sentence. How could he possibly know what you were? How did he even know you existed?

Felix’s eyes widened, clearly shocked by your reaction. “No, no. Don’t worry!” He said frantically, outstretching his hand to you. “Listen, I’m not going to hurt you or anything. I didn��t mean to scare you, I’m sorry! I’m sorry.”

You stared at him, disbelievingly. “Yeah? And how do I know that?” You let this man into your home, your safe space. How could you have been so stupid?

“Look, I grew up around Vampires okay? My neighbors, back in my childhood home, they were like you. I know the signs. I know how your eyes blow out when you’re hungry, the way they glaze over when you haven’t fed in a while. That’s it. I didn’t even realize until I got a good look at you, back when you were translating. It’s no big deal, really.”

You scoffed. No big deal? Felix didn’t seem to realize just how big of a deal it actually was. Humans weren’t supposed to know what you were, certainly not at Hampden. The Society had made well sure of that. God, if The Council saw you now...

“Y/N, I’m sorry. I should have told you back at the library. I honestly didn’t think it would freak you out this much. That’s on me,” he said, inching slightly closer to you. Despite yourself, you didn’t move away.  “I’m serious though, it’s been a while since you last fed. Hasn’t it?”

A while was an understatement. The Society had been going through a shortage of blood bags, after having severed their connections with one of the nearby hospitals. Meaning if you wanted to drink, it would have to be from one of their Certified Donors. Which was another, fancier and far more innocent way of saying prisoners. These were humans who had given their lives to The Society, some willingly and others not so much.

You didn’t like going to their quarters. Located in the basement of the main district, it was always quiet down there. Always solemn. You’d never been to a place lacking so much hope. You’d only gone once, and drinking from that man still haunts you to this day. The way he didn’t move or speak, or even wince when your fangs broke his skin. The way his eyes were hollow and empty. How when you were done he simply laid down in his bed and turned away from you, without another word. 

The Certified Donors were what made you begin to hate The Society in the first place. Since then, your resentment only seemed to grow. 

You sighed, walking past him and flopping onto your couch. “Yeah, it’s been a while,” you confessed.

Felix carefully approached you. Instead of seating himself next to you, he got down on his knees, resting a hand on your thigh. “It’s okay, you can use me. I don’t mind.”

You were ready to tell him no, the word lingering on the tip of your tongue. However, you couldn’t bring yourself to deny him. Perhaps it was your hunger, the fact that a few more weeks in this drought, you might actually become ill. 

Or maybe, just maybe, it was the fact that you wanted to disobey the society. That this little act of rebellion, this utterly wrong indulgence, was what made your desire grow unbearable, unchained. You hated The Council, you hated the Certified Donor system, and you hated the way they had such a firm grip and control on your life.

A beautiful boy was seated in front of you, begging you to drink from him. How could you possibly say no? Better yet, why would you say no? To deprive yourself of something so great, for something you despised so deeply seemed ridiculous. That was the moment your judgment lapsed, that you crossed the point of no return. If you drank from Felix, there would be no going back. If the council found out, there would be consequences. Big ones.

But who doesn’t love a little risk?

You sunk down to meet him on the floor, staring at his bare chest. You could hear his heart pumping, its pace quickening the closer you got to him. 

“Are you sure about this?” You asked.

“Yes,” he whispered. You shifted your position. Not quite seating yourself in his lap, but hovering above, your knees on either side of him. 

“This might hurt a little bit,” you warned. You extended your fangs, approaching his neck, carefully. You didn’t realize until then how nervous you were. It had been a long time since you’d fed from a human. You’d drank from Chan of course, but he was also a vampire, and your blood didn’t have quite the same effect. There was pleasure in it, usually accompanied in moments of ecstasy, but it didn’t replenish you. It didn’t heighten your senses, nor fill you with energy. Most of all, it didn’t satisfy your hunger, your thirst. Not at all.

Felix’s blood would. 

You kept this in mind as you finally plunged your fangs into his neck. Felix let out a gasp, tensing beneath you, his hand clutching onto your arm for support. The taste of his blood grazed your tongue, metallic and warm. Delicious.

Fuck, did blood ever taste this good before? You didn’t think so.

The sweet taste consumed you. Intoxicating. Raw. Cascading over your mind in a blanket of pleasure, reveling in the way its effects seeped over your body. You could feel your mind growing sharper, your senses becoming more alert. It was a relief, after weeks of blurry weakness, of being too close to humanity in your thirst. You felt yourself again, the monster you are. The monster you are glad to be.

Here you were powerful. Invincible. And all you wanted was more. More. More.

More of this power, this sensation, this strength. This is what feeding should be. What feeding can give you. Not from a blood bag, nor a helpless prisoner, but from someone you want. Someone you desire. Someone who desires you in return.

It was as you felt Felix’s grip on your arm loosen that you finally broke away, breathing hard as you caught your breath. Felix’s eyes shifted to yours lazily, dazed. Perhaps even delirious. For a moment you feared that you’d taken too much. He blinked slowly, his eyes regaining focus.

Then he smiled. “Shit Y/N…” he began, his voice appearing more of a croak. “That felt really fucking good.” 

You grinned, leaning into him and pressing a series of kisses up along his jaw. Felix shivered, allowing his hands to slowly slide up your figure. Wanting.

“Yeah?” You whispered, your lips brushing against his ear. “Then how about we continue where we left off?”

      ~~~~

The next morning you woke to the sound of your alarm buzzing, sunlight peeking through the opening of your drapes. You heard a low groan next to your ear, quickly becoming aware of the hand wrapped around your waist. 

So last night really happened. The reality of your situation dawned on you. You’d both drank from and fucked a human. There was no going back now, you’d completely disobeyed The Society.

Worst of all? You didn’t care. At least, not near as much as you should have. 

You shifted to face Felix, seeing his eyes still closed, eyebrows furrowed. “Hey,” you whispered, planting a soft kiss on the tip of his nose. “We have to get up. I have class.”

He groaned again in protest, shaking his head and burying his face into the crook of your neck. Between last night's events and the ringing of your alarm, you both only got about two hours of sleep, and that was being generous. This was no problem for you, as while sleep was a luxury, it was not a necessity. The same didn’t go for Felix.

“Come on,” you laughed, worming out of his grasp. “You’ll be fine, I’ll go make us some coffee.”

You rolled out of bed, throwing on Felix’s discarded shirt and heading towards your kitchen. Flicking on the radio, you felt oddly blissful as you grounded the coffee beans into a filter. It had been a long time since there’d been another person in your apartment. It made the space seem less… haunted. No longer lingering with the essence of Chan’s ghost. It felt fresh. New. 

Felix emerged from your bedroom, rubbing his eyes sleepily, sporting only his khaki’s from the past day. His gaze met yours and he smiled. “So, I take it my shirt is yours now?”

“Mhm,” you hummed, leaning forward over your kitchen counter. Felix bent down, causing you to become nose-level with one another. The close proximity made your heart race.

“Mean,” he murmured, leaning forward to kiss you softly. There was no unchained desire, no promise of more. It was simple, warm. A morning of peace after a night of wildness.

You could get used to this, you thought.

The thought sunk in your chest like a stone. This wouldn’t be as simple as you wanted to be, as you needed it to be. There would be sacrifices to make, and cautions you’d have to adhere to. You had to get the truth out in the open. Better to rip the bandaid off now rather than later.

 “Felix, you can’t tell anyone about this.” You said. The smile faded from Felix’s face, and for a moment he looked so… hurt. He stepped back.

“About the feeding? Y/N, I wouldn’t tell anyone what you are, don’t worry about-”

“No, not just the feeding. About us. About any of it.”

Felix opened his mouth to say something, but then quickly closed it. His gaze hardened. “Ah. Got it,” he stated sharply, grabbing his blazer and motioning to the door. “I’ll just head out then.”

“Wait, Felix! No, it’s not like that,” you said, rushing around the kitchen island and reaching for his arm. He turned around to face you, his expression wounded. “Listen, I don’t know how it was with your old neighbors, but here at Hampden things are different. There’s certain rules we have to follow, and what you and I did? Well, that broke about a hundred of them.”

Felix was silent for a moment, then sighed. “Okay… But what do you mean rules? Who’s enforcing them? Hampden?”

“No, it’s bigger than that. There’s a group of us here, a society. There are rules we abide by, and they’re meant to keep us safe. Keep us united,” you explained.

“Like a cult?” Felix asked, and you had to refrain from rolling your eyes.

“Well, if that helps you, then whatever. Yeah, sure. A cult.”

“Where do you-”

“I’m sorry,” you cut him off. “But that’s all I can really tell you, at least for now. Honestly, the less you know, the better. Just for safety’s sake.”

“Oh. Alright,” Felix said, his lips pursed. He wasn’t pleased, that much was obvious.

“I know this sucks, I’m sorry. But if we want to keep doing this-”

“Wait,” Felix interrupted, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. “You want to keep doing this? I thought you’d get in trouble?”

You smiled, and were pleased to see the corners of his mouth curve up in return. “I’ve already risked getting myself in trouble.” You trailed your finger along the bare of his chest, feeling the warmth radiating from his skin. He was so alive, so real. And it only made you want him more. Perhaps, that’s why he wanted you as well. You were unpredictable, wild. A challenge. 

A match made in hell.

“I dug myself a grave, Lix.” You looked up at him, entranced by the curiosity swimming in his eyes. “Might as well lie in it.”

~~

next chapter 

[p4lparker]

I’ll Save You

It was scary. After everything we'd been through; Crazy Peter Hale, Hunters and a Kanima. This was by far the worst threat we'd faced.

Virgin sacrifices.

For who knows what purpose, but still at four sacrifices, we were beginning to worry. I'd try to go through the school day- learning as normal, but all of my focus laid with a blurred face of a mutilated teenager. The next victim. Scott was worried, we had no idea who was behind this, and anyone could be next. Well not just anyone, only people who hadn't done the do just yet. I'd been keeping my eyes and ears peeled for any sign of a clue or something to help us protect people, but I had nothing. Stiles was working over drive, writing on his crime board and furiously trying to figure out a pattern or a way to put an end to it all. But no dice, and I could tell he was becoming increasingly upset by that. We were in his room. I watched as he wrote something on his board then wiped it off moments later, I watched as he tapped his pen against his teeth. I watched as he ran his hands through his hair in frustration, he tugged at the ends and groaned from the lack of inspiration and partially the pain I'm guessing. I stayed studying him from my position on the bed.

"Hey, we'll work it out- don't worry.." I said to him, trying to soothe his obviously frayed nerves. As he turned d to face me; I took my chance to really look at him. His face was pale, his skin looking as if he were ill, the bags under his eyes looked as if they had bags. I could see the stubble decorating the bottom half of his face, him being so focused on trying to keep people alive- shaving had slipped his mind. I saw the rumpled clothes covering his body, as if he'd just grabbed them from the floor, I saw the twinkle that was usually in his chocolatey gaze- was missing. All in all, Stiles Stilinski was a mess.

 "Yeah, we'll figure it out Y/N. But how many others have to die. Be sacrifices before we do. It might be someone we know next time... One of our friends! And we can’t do shit, cause we're a bunch of scared kids who are in over our heads. We can't protect anyone, especially not ourselves!" Was the snapped answer I received. I just stayed frozen in my place. My eyes wide and head angled back slightly in shock. I bit my lip, before I looked away from him. Not wanting him to see how hurt his words and tone of voice had made me feel. It was kind of lame, to be so upset by frustrated words; but Stiles had never, ever spoken to me like that. And it was a shock to the system to say the least. I looked down at the book in my lap, my fingers brushing against the page absent minded manner- trying to distract myself.

"You're right. I guess we should stop bothering then yeah? Let whatever it is take kids and murder them for no reason.. Other than them being virgins. Cause we're useless and can't win right?" I hissed, as an anger bubbled up inside me. Stiles had never spoken to me like that, and I wasn't going to let him start now. I let my eyes lift to watch as his shoulders tensed. “Maybe we should just throw all of this away and turn our backs on everything huh?” I stated, my voice getting stronger with each word- the anger fuelling me. As I shoved all of the books covering Stiles’ bed and my legs onto the floor. I stood up and stared at him-trying to prove a point before yanking up my bag and jacket. I flung open the door and stormed out. With each step I felt anger surging me further out of the house- it burned fiercely and forced me into my car, I drove myself home and settled in for the night. Slamming open the door, giving it the same treatment to close it. I stomped to my room- flinging clothes off as I went. Yanking on sleep clothes and throwing myself into bed for the night. I drifted off eventually, but it was into a fitful nights sleep.

The next morning I woke up in a similar mood to the one I went to bed in. I could still feel the rage simmering underneath my skin. Going through the motions of getting ready for the day; I soon arrived at school and was able to ignore Stiles in person, instead of just avoiding his messages and calls. Every chance I got, I avoided him. Not wanting to be near him until I calmed down. At the end of the day, he approached me cautiously; head bowed sheepishly, hands fidgeting with each other and his bottom lip pulled between his teeth. And it made my heart stutter at how he presented himself. His body language screamed that he was asking for forgiveness, and I thought I’d let him stew a little longer for my own selfish enjoyment before granting the reconciliation I’d already planned to give him. I looked at him from the corner of my eye and with my books and bag; waltzed from the building and to the parking lot. I smiled to myself as I rest against Stiles’ jeep and waited for him to make an appearance. I watched as he walked to the car, head still bowed and fingers still fidgeting- but now with the keys, he hadn’t noticed me yet.

“Stilinski!” I called, watching as his body jerked in surprise. His arms flying out to ward off an oncoming attacker; not that it would do much good. His head swinging up at a pace that obviously gave him a crick in his neck from the way he gripped it. His gaze was wide and worried until he spotted me leaning against the hood of the car. I smiled slightly and moved forwards until I could wrap my arms around him- the sadness on his face made me wish I could squeeze it from his body, once his own arms squeezed me back. I finally sighed and pulled back from him. Nodding my head to the car stood beside us, Stiles smiled slightly and let us both in. He drove us slowly to his house, and parked in the driveway before he led us both into the house. We dumped our bags by the end of his bed, when we finally made it to his room.

 "Hey nerd, I forgive you. I get it. This whole sitch is messed up. And maybe you're right, maybe we can't help people or save them or protect them. But we can try!" I murmured as I noticed his hunched body. I ruffled his already messy hair as I walked past him on my way to throw myself at his computer. I let my fingers dance over the keys- I tried to delve into why virgins would be sacrificed. But at every turn I was stonewalled. Most of the websites or 'research' was made by hacks who were probably still in their Goth phase. It had been the same thing for the last hour. Either Stiles or I groaning in frustration, as we each hit another dead end in the research. We were getting nowhere and it was beginning to make me lose hope and my mind. I looked over to see Stiles slumped, his head hanging off the side of the bed and the book he was reading was lying on top of his head. He was defeated as his tired eyes looked up at me.

 "Any luck?" He all but sighed out, gesturing to the computer behind me. I shook my head and he growled tugging at his hair. I stood from his desk chair and flopped onto the bed landing on him. He let out an 'Ooof' as I landed on his back. I giggled lightly before rolling off him and landing beside him with a bounce. He turned his face to look at my own. His eyes still looked sad, his whole demeanour was that of a stranger- and it was beginning to drive me crazier than the failed researching.

 "Alright Stilinski. You're moping is making me want to punch you.. Spill." I stated poking his cheek with my finger, it following all of the freckles and moles that were scattered about his skin. He frowned before glaring at my prodding appendage.

"Gee, I don't think punching me will help. It would probably make me feel worse, I mean then I'd be in physical pain and I may even get a black eye or something, and that would just make my mood worse. Cause then I'd have to explain how I got beat up by you to everyone.. And that is just embarrassing..." Stiles began to ramble, his words flowing out of his mouth quickly, so quickly they made me dizzy. I cut him off before my head could explode by pressing my hand over his mouth and stopping his words escaping. His eyes were wide as I felt my own narrow. One of his eye lids dropped into a wink, which made me narrow my eyes further wondering what he had planned. Until I felt something wet settle into the palm of my hand and make a trail up it. I realised with a grimace, that it was his tongue. He'd licked my hand. He'd licked my hand like a 5th grader.

 "Ewww! You licked me!" I called out, whipping my hand from his face in disgust. Stiles just smirked sticking his tongue out at me in victory. I glared at him before talking him from the bed all together. We rolled until we landed in a heap on the floor. As we tumbled, he’d miraculously managed to twist and turn until he was situated underneath me- it was impressive, and he let out another huff of air as it was forced from his body by my weight landing on him. I stared at him from above and smiled brightly at his slightly pained grimace- before shoving myself off of him and pulling him up after me.

“How about we watch a movie.. Forget about the research that is taking us nowhere for now and just relax. It looks like you need it..” I suggested pointing to the Tv in the room. I’d already decided what we’d watch, all I needed was for him to agree and to actually relax for a while; maybe then he’s tell me what was bugging him so much. He just stared at me and nodded, a faint smile painting his lips. I pushed all of the books onto the floor and from his comfy bed; much like I had done the night before, but this time I was slightly more gentle about it. I grinned and gestured for him to leave the room- meaning he was to make the popcorn whilst I set up in the bedroom. I watched as he walked from the room,  he was muttering under his breath as he went. I smiled and set to making the bed comfy, I scanned the wrack of DVD’s on his walls grinning as the exact one I was looking for was in a prized position in the centre. Pulling it from the shelf and placing it delicately in the side of his TV- I let it play through until it got to the menu and selected the play movie section. I waited until he trundled back up the stairs and plonked himself down on the bed next to me. I heard a gasp and turned my head to face him, his face was covered in a broad grin- his eyes were lit up and sparkling, his teeth were showing and his dimples looked deeper than ever. Just looking at the happiness on his face was contagious, I couldn’t help but grin back at him.  We both settled in for the movie, not long into it I noticed Stiles wasn’t as into it as he usually would be. And my mind drifted back to worrying for him. I gently gripped his hand between both of my own, squeezing softly.

“What’s wrong Robin?” I whispered softly, still squeezing his hand. He turned to look at me, but this time a grin wasn’t covering his face. A frown was; a deep frown that furrowed his eyebrows, one that  made his chocolatey gaze appear muddy, one that made my heart ache slightly.

“I’m scared Y/N.” Was all he whispered back, I nodded and wrapped my arms around his shoulders- pulling him towards me and into a slightly awkward hug. I could hear him sigh softly, as his head rested on my shoulder. I wondered how I could make thing better for him, and my mind was coming up empty; his cool breath was causing goose-bumps to raise on the exposed skin. Biting my lip to ensure he couldn’t tell of the change in my body, I could feel the shivers wanting to wrack my body. Ignoring the feeling, and deciding to pull him closer to me- slipping one leg over his hips, one leg on each side of his hips. I let my arm circle around his shoulders, running my fingers through his growing hair- as he wrapped his arms around my waist and kept his head resting against my collarbone. “I’m terrified I’m next..” he whispered so lowly, I struggled to hear his words. I pulled back slightly, causing him to lift his head and look me directly in the eyes; his caramel gaze was solemn, and I thought I could see unshed tears shining within the depths.

“Scott wouldn’t let that happen. And neither would I…” I stated firmly, looking him in the eyes- I could feel the determined expression on my face. I watched as he shook his head, obviously not believing my words. I frowned, I would save him. I wouldn’t let anything happen to this beautiful boy I was wrapped around. An idea burst through my mind, and before I could comprehend my actions. His face was turned to the side, avoiding me- I moved my face in line with his own. Gently letting my lips press against his own softly; I could feel the uncertainty in his pouted lips, his head turning to face me once more. I pulled back slowly, looking to his frowned face to see his reaction. It was apparent after a couple minutes of silence and Stiles sitting completely still- which was a feat in itself, that he wasn’t going to make a move to either stop this or push it onwards. Taking in a deep breath, and settling my shaken resolve- I pressed forwards again. My lips pushed against his own, the fusion of our lips just as gentle as before. We kissed gently for what felt like eternity; neither of us pushing it, wanting to stay in that moment for as long as possible- lips moving with each other delicately. Our lips parted for seconds- allowing for breath, but they soon met again. It was like were both addicted to one another’s lips; his were plump and smooth, as they danced with my own. Stiles left a lingering kiss on my mouth, pulling back just slightly.

“What’re you doing Y/N?” He whispered, his plush lips brushing against my own with every word he spoke- sending my mind fuzzy with the sensation, I tried to concentrate on what he’d said; but my mind was spinning quickly and slowly all at once.

“I’m kissing you.” I stated simply, before pushing my lips that last millimetre to meet his own. I wasn’t sure what he made of my response, but he didn’t stop kissing me. His hold on my waist was tight, his large hands squeezing gently, holding me to him as if he was worried I’d disappear. Shifting myself in his lap to get more comfortable, my centre coming into contact with his own. A whiny moan escaped our lips, I wasn’t sure who it came from- but it seemed like the sound had flicked some kind of switch in my brain. Gasping as his lips left my own, grazing over my chin and down to the skin of my neck. He pressed a kiss on the column- as if testing out some scientific theory, pulling back to see my reaction. I could feel my eyes were closed, and my mouth was open in a silent moan. He surged forwards and let his lips trace kisses down the delicate skin- leading towards my collarbone. When he made contact with the skin there, I let out the moan that was desperately clawing at my vocal chords to be released. He chuckled against my skin, before pressing one last kiss to it- his lips searching for my own. Finding their home against them, and pulling me into a passionate kiss. His tongue poking out to tickle against my bottom lip, I giggled at the feeling and let him in. Letting him map out my mouth, his tongue touching and tasting- dancing with my own. My fingers tangled themselves in his soft hair, pressing him more firmly against me.

His dexterous fingers traced over my sides, before settling on my hips- he pushed me down further onto him. Unconsciously pushing my hips back and forth on him, giving us both a delicious friction that had me wanting more; but I remembered this was for him. But as things progressed, I realised I needed this too. I needed to feel him and see him come undone- passion and lust shining on his face as euphoria washed over him. Pulling my fingers from his hair, settling them on his shoulders- feeling the soft material of his checked shirt beneath my excited fingers; I pushed the material to fall from his broad shoulders, revealing the white cotton t-shirt beneath. I pulled back from the kiss and stared into his eyes, tugging gently on his over shirt until it reached his wrists; he promptly let go of my hips, allowing me to pull it from his hands, letting my fingers wander to the hem of his t-shirt- I gently tugged it up. Stiles got the message, and aided me in pulling it up his lean torso; with each centimetre of skin that was revealed, I could see the smooth skin, taut and lean over the visible muscles- which jumped when my fingers made contact. Stiles tried to reach up and connect our lips again, but I denied him in favour of just staring at him. His pale skin, unmarked and tempting. His lean frame, tucking in towards his waist but broadening at his shoulders, his biceps bunched slightly as they gripped at my own t-shirt. His veiny forearms; which had stared in many of my day dreams, leading down to his nimble fingers. I could see a faint blush lighting his speckled cheeks, when I turned my glance to his face. Hi bottom lip was being wet by his tongue as it poked out of his mouth. I could feel his fingers delving under the fabric of my top, discovering the skin of my stomach. He tugged slightly at the material, and I lifted my arms above my head; allowing him to remove the top and drop it next to our bodies. His fingers traced over the skin softly, so softly it tickled and caused a giggle to bubble from my lips. He smiled at the reaction, before pressing his fingertips more firmly into the skin- he tickled me quicker, causing our joined laughter to ring out and drown the sounds from the tv playing in the background.

I pushed my lips to his, distracting his fingers from their task. They still rest against my waist and hips, but had ceased their movements; as his lips took over the movements. One of his hands runs up my body and lands on my neck- his thumb bracing my jaw as our lips move in synchronicity. I let my fingers trail over his torso; feeling the soft, smooth skin, tracing them further down until they rest against the buckle of his belt. I slipped the leather through the metal and let it fall open, before gently wiggling the button of his jeans through the hole- dragging the zip down it’s track. Stroking over the band of his boxers delicately- it was then that he gasped and pulled back from my lips; his caramel eyes dark with lust, holding a look of uncertainty as he stared from his open trousers and my eager hand- to my face.  

“What’re you doing?” He repeated, his voice cracking. I looked at his face; his eyebrows were furrowed as they tried to comprehend what was happening.

“I’m going to make you feel good..” I muttered against his lips, before pushing gently on his chest. Forcing him to lie on the bed he was sat on- I lifted myself from his slightly and heard a disappointed groan erupt from him. I looked up at his face, before dropping my lips to the skin I was desperate to touch. Kissing over his neck, biting at it and sucking a mark into his skin- proving he was mine. Before trailing lower, grazing over his chest- licking at the lines of his body. Gradually dipping over the definition on his stomach, licking lower until it traced over the waistband of his boxers. I placed my fingers in the front pockets of his jeans and tugged them down; them getting stuck on his hips, and thighs, and finally his knees. I struggled to pull them from his body for laughing so hard- his chuckles joined my own as he raised his hips and manoeuvred his legs around to help me. Once I had the material in my hands, I huffed out a breath before throwing the fabric away as if it offended me. Stiles was leaning up on his elbows and watching as I tossed the jeans away from me- sticking my tongue out as they went sailing across the room. I turned to face him again; and gasped at the sight of him, sat there and waiting for me to join him once more. I moved back over to him, straddling him once more and connecting our lips. He was more confident now, and let his own tongue play with mine quickly, I rest my weight on one hand before allowing my other to feel over his heated skin. Finally coming to a stop at the bulge in his boxers, pressing against it lightly- only to feel his jolt up to meet it more fully. I squeezed him through the thin fabric, trying to get used to the size of him with my hand. A needy whine bubbled from his throat, that made my hand take hold of him through the material and pump him gently. A strangled sound came from him, as wetness leaked onto the fabric and my hand slightly- a wetness pooled in my own underwear at the desperate sounds he was making.

Palming him with one hand, and letting the other pull at the waistband of his boxers- tugging them down and letting him spring free. His cock resting on his stomach heavily- drops of pre-come leaking from the pink tip, the colour almost matching the dusting on his cheeks. I cast my eyes back up his body- seeing his almost black eyes focused solely on me; watching me marvel at him and his nakedness. Not being able to hold back any longer- my tongue licked up the underside of him- tracing along the prominent vein, feeling every ridge before licking over the head. All I could hear was growling and groaning from above me; my eyes rolled up to watch him. His eyes were screwed shut tightly, his bottom lip was being bitten by his teeth and his arm was thrown over his forehead- fist clenched in mid-air, his other was fisting the sheets. I opened my lips, holding him at the base and slipped him inside.

“Oooh..” Stiles whined out. I let him get used to the feeling of being wrapped in my mouth, I gently sucked the head- and was rewarded with more pre-come leaking out onto my waiting tongue. I slowly slipped my lips further over him, taking more of him into my waiting mouth. Bobbing up and down his heavy cock slowly, the parts of him I couldn’t fit into my greedy mouth, I massaged with my hand. My pace quickened just slightly, moving over him at a steady rate. Tasting him more and more as he leaked, I flickered my eyes back up his body as my mouth moved up and down him. His hands were flapping in the air- almost awkwardly, and his eyes were wide staring down at me in wonder, his mouth was dropped open as noises continued to fall from his pouted lips. Growls, groans, moans and whines. All eliciting my own moans as I continued my work, I pulled from him slowly with a pop. Grabbing onto his hand- with the one of mine that wasn’t rubbing over him- and tangling his delicious fingers with my hair, securing it there before moving my lips back over him; his answering whine was needy and made me push myself further down on him before coming back up at a quicker pace. I could feel him thrusting into my mouth, trying to match pace- but he was struggling his lips stuttering when the pleasure got to much- our rhythm didn’t match, but from the desperate calls coming from him I wasn’t sure he minded entirely. His hips jolted more quickly, forcing himself further into my mouth; my throat gagging on him slightly, swallowing the tip of him- I let him thrust into my mouth until finally he filled my mouth with a loud shout. Swallowing his taste down, I moved up his cock gently- knowing he’d be sensitive until he left my lips softly.

I stared down at him; his chest heaving, stomach muscles twitching rapidly as he panted in and out. I watched his face, still scrunched in pleasure and slick with sweat, then I let my eyes drop lower to look at his still erect cock. I felt my eyes widen, a smile tugging at my lips to see him so eager and ready; resting hard and heavy against his lower stomach. I stood from my knees, Stiles opened his eyes and watched; as I reached behind me, flicking the clasp of my bra open, I slid one strap down one shoulder- then the other and let the fabric cage fall from my chest. I watched as Stiles sat up fully; his hungry eyes wandering all over the newly expose flesh, devouring the sight before him. Moving my hands to the fastening on my jeans and popping the button, forcing the zip down its track. And pushing the jeans over my hips and bottom; bending at the hips and tracing them down my legs- all the while not taking my eyes from Stiles’ awe-struck face. I was stood before him in some owl printed underwear; but I wasn’t embarrassed, I had never felt more sexy- than that moment with his desperate eyes tracing over my near bare body. Slipping my thumbs in the elasticated waistband and tugging them from my body- I stood before the Stillinski boy completely naked. His eyes were still wide and dark, and he raised his hands for me. I intertwined our fingers as he pulled me over him- legs either side of his waiting body. Pressing his eager lips against my own and beginning another bout of endless kissing; soft and gentle, yet hard and passionate all at the same time, it was confusing and addictive. I let my fingers find his weighty member again, stroking him up and down- moving him between our bodies. He was poised in front of my folds, I raised myself up; preparing to plunge him deep within me, completely lost in the moment. Stiles ripped his lips from me, panting and staring at me surprised.

“What’re you doing Y/N?” He repeated for the third time, hands squeezing at my hips and halting my movements.

“I’m protecting you..” I mumbled, pressing a kiss to his pouted lips. Pulling away from him slightly, I stood from the bed and stumbled over to his bedside table; my trembling hands searched for the protection we needed- the protection I had almost forgotten in the rush of Stiles Stilinski. I stared down into the open drawer; desperate eyes searching in an almost panic. Before calming with my racing heart and laboured breathing as they spotted; and untouched and unopened package, extra large and waiting. Furiously ripping into the box and digging one out; I tore the foil packaging open before stumbling back to Stiles who was waiting on the bed. I pushed back on his chest again, sliding one of my legs over his hips and kneeling above him. I watched as he breathed out a shaky breath, my fingers finding his already leaking cock once more. Pulling the latex from the foil, I rolled it down him almost impatiently. Once he was covered and we were safe, I positioned him between us once more. Rubbing the head of him between my folds and gathering the wetness that was dripping down my thighs and onto his lap. His eyes were wide, and one of his fingers rubbed through the moisture that had leaked from my centre curiously. I held my position, his cock almost pressing into me- as he raised that hand to his face. He rubbed his thumb and fingertip together, as if testing the consistency of the liquid. I giggled slightly and his eyes widened to the point I was worried they’d pop from his face.

“Is this from you? Are you..w-wet?!” He asked amazed, as he watched me grin and nod my head. Before my brain could keep up with his movements; his fingers were pushing his cock out of the way and delving into my folds themselves. They played with the moisture gathered, smoothing it all around my core. Making me moan loudly and embarrassingly. His face was full of wonder as he continued to feel around within me, his fingers coming into contact with the sensitive bud within. The tip of his finger tickled at it inquisitively, rubbing experimentally in circles. I groaned and ground my hips onto his hand eagerly. The sounds of lightsabers colliding in the back ground was drowned out by the sound of his laughter.

“You’re really wet.. Wow.” He mumbled almost to himself, I laughed to, moaning towards the end of it as his fingers picked up their pace. It took all I had to grip onto his wrist and stop his movements; when all I wanted was to sub myself against him until I could feel myself quiver from the pleasure. I breathed out shakily, before pushing his hand away from my centre- I let my other hand pick up his heavy cock once more- positioning him at my entrance. Before surging down on him slowly. A strangled whine came from the beautiful, blissful boy beneath me. My mouth dropped open in a silent moan; a wide ‘O’ shape as he bottomed out within me. I held still, moments pacing as I could feel him pulse inside me; trying to get used to the feeling. I let him settle, before lifting up from him slightly- pushing myself down onto him slowly. Moving at a pace to allow us both the most pleasure, and to allow him to become accommodated with being within someone. Grinding my hips slowly in circles, his hands grasped at my neck- one cupping my jaw and the other pulling on the back of it. Forcing my lips to his in a desperate kiss, and manipulating my body so I was flush against him. Stomach to stomach. Chest to chest. Lips against lips. Kissing furiously as my hips rode him at a leisurely pace. One of his hands slipped from my neck, sliding down my body and squeezing at my naked ass- palming at the fleshy cheek; before sliding back up my body and giving my breast the same treatment. It was then I was forced to move quicker on him, forcing my hips to canter forwards and backwards; pushing us both closer towards the edge.

As our pace increased, our kiss broke. His mouth was wide open and he was groaning uncontrollably, I knew it wouldn’t take too much longer until he would be spent. I pushed my body up, hands resting against his heaving chest; before I pushed my hips as quickly as I could, whines slipping from my mouth to match his. Stiles, lifted his hips and thrust into me.

Once.

Twice.

Three times.

Four times.

Before his hips stuttered and he called out loudly, his cock pulsing within me- and he was filling the condom. I continued to ride him through it, trying to prolong that feeling of ecstasy for him. Once he’d finished, his hands gripped at my hips and ceased their slow grinding. He was breathing quickly, his breath fanning against my sweaty skin- cooling it instantly, before heating it up again as his fingers caressed over it. We laid in silence for a few moments, neither of us moving- apart from Stiles connecting out hands and intertwining our fingers mid-air.

“Oh my God!” He murmured out. I smiled down at him, his face was red and covered in sweat; but I didn’t mind, it made him more beautiful to me, I’d just seen him experience euphoria, and it was all because of me. “Oh Jesus.. Th-that was amazing..” He laughed, a grin beaming from his tired face, I just nodded and squeezed his hands. “Wait.. You didn’t y’know.. finish?” Stiles stated, his face morphing from a gorgeous grin to a frown- that almost hurt my heart. I smiled gently and shook my head at him. Stiles’ face was set in a scowl, and he pushed his lips against my own- kissing me heatedly, making my pulse rise quickly. I was too wrapped up in the feeling of his lips almost bruising my own; to notice that he’d let one of my hands drop. And his fingers were working themselves between us. I didn’t know what was happening until I felt his fingers press and circle at the neglected bud with my still slicked folds, I was still wet- and getting wetter by the second as his fingers played with my core. He was experimenting mostly; seeing what would happen if he moved in a certain, figuring out which movement of his fingers would make me moan the loudest. Soon enough under his attentions, I was grinding myself into his hand- he was rubbing me to my end quickly and efficiently. Soon enough my hips were jerking quickly against his hand; quivering as I came. I whined as I felt the shocks running through my body. I breathed heavily into Stile’s neck, coming down from my high- he ran a hand through my sweaty and knotty hair,. “That’s better..” Stiles whispered, before dropping a kiss to my head.  He held my hands again, supporting my weight on his elbows and helped me to roll from his body in shaky knees. When I was situated, he sat up on the bed, with his legs falling over the side. He pulled the filled condom from himself and disposed of it in the bin by his desk.

He picked up his marvel printed boxers and tugged them on, before grabbing onto his red plaid shirt I’d discarded earlier. When he came back to the bed, he helped me to pull the shirt onto my tired but satisfied body, before tugging me back to him. Wrapping his arms around me and snuggling me close to his body- pulling the covers over both of us as we cuddled in silence.

“Thank you.” He whispered against my lips, we settled again. Smiling against his chest- listening to his heart beat which was beginning to slow to a normal pace now.

“I told you I’d save you.” I whispered as I watched him doze into a peaceful sleep, following not too long after him. Cuddled close to his body, with his mouth pressed against my hair. Stiles was safe, and that was all I could ask for.

[waywardtakami]

- don't leave me

✦pairing: hawks x gn!reader

✦c/w: language, slight mha manga spoilers, 16+ only , angst

✦a/n: hello!! I'm very excited about this fic, it's my first gn one! It's been sitting in my wips for so long and I'm finally happy with it. hopefully people will still read this without there being smut. thank you! <3

✦summary: hawks gets hurt during a mission...

✦w/c: 2k

Keigo had left you again to fight in another mission. He had only been gone for a few days, but you wished he was with you instead. You missed him so much. He hadn't been physically by your side in so long, causing your heart to ache again. Times like these were practically torture. Waking up without him by your side was agonizing, but you were used to it.

His job was all-consuming and you knew him being away for large amounts of time would affect you when you committed yourself to this relationship. There was a constant worry for his life and maybe a little for your own. 

You and Kei decided to keep your relationship as private as possible so no one would go after you. He didn't want anyone to kidnap or hurt you. 

Even though his musk scent was flooded throughout your shared home, you still tried distracting yourself the best you could.

After making your favorite food, you plopped onto the couch and turned on the TV to try and take your mind off him. 

As the TV flickered on, your boyfriend's face flashed across the screen. A gruff voice played over what was being shown. You assumed it was just something about his stats or a recent interview per usual. It didn't help the feeling in your heart subside by seeing him.

You changed the channel, again and again. But every channel had been taken over by the same broadcast. You eventually fixated and listened.

Your heart dropped.

Hawks had been accused of murder. 

"Murder...?" you mumbled to yourself. "No..he...what?" Your heart was beating so fast it felt like it was about to thump out of your chest. You were stuck in a pool of emotions of confusion and immense shock, it was like your head was on fire. 

Dabi...one of the League of Villain members was behind this. All the information you received was from Keigo's colleagues and the media. 

Keigo had been hurt bad...real bad.

The fact that you couldn't do anything about it had you overwhelmed and panicked. When you finally found out which hospital he was brought to through FatGum, you drove yourself there.

Of course he was brought to one one of the furthest ones from where you guys lived. On top of that, traffic was horrendous. With everything that had gone down, the citizens of the city were frantic and trying to get home to their families.

Your hands and entire body practically trembled while driving. Your eyes pricked with tears at the thought of Keigo's wounded state. "He's fine he's fine he's FINE!" You kept telling yourself over and over. 

When you made it to the hospital, there was a large number of people in the waiting room. The sounds of people clamoring in and trying to get a room were deafening. You hurried over to the front desk. 

"Hello Ma'am I need to see Hawks, he should be here." She wouldn't let you in his room. You wanted to see him, no you needed to see him. You started crying, pleading, begging for her to let you go in his room. But the front desk lady apologized and insisted he needed to rest and isn't accepting visitors. 

You knew it was really because she probably thought you were just some fan of his. Or maybe even a reporter trying to sneak in photos. But no, you were his baby, his life, and they weren't going to let you in.

"I'M HIS DAMN PARTNER FOR GOD SAKES!" You yell while slamming your fist against the counter. You didn't realize how much impact you put into your fist until you felt pain in your hand. The waiting room goes almost quiet and heads turn to look at you. You glance back to see all the faces turned to you. 

Your voice softens from embarrassment. "Please...just let me see him." Your fist still against the counter looking at the nurse with tears streaming down your face. 

She stands up and moves closer, "I'm so sorry, I believe you…" She slides a clip board with a few papers attached. "...but we can't let you in just yet he's still recovering from his injuries, he needs to rest right now. Please fill these out while you wait." She looks back up with you with a faint smile. She really does believe you. She can see it in your eyes, the pain, she understood.

You release your hand, and pick up the clipboard. Looking at her on the other side of the counter you give her a face flustered nod and mouth a quick "thank you."

You go sit down comfortably in one of the empty chairs to wait for keigo to wake up...

The news of your wounded boyfriend was already half across Japan. After filling out the forms you scroll through your phone to calm yourself down. You kept seeing post after post about him. Almost all news headlines had his name. 

You think to yourself about how much of it is all bullshit and that he's fine. Deep down you weren't sure if the words your brain kept telling you were true. You click on one of the posts about him that reads: 

"THE NUMBER TWO PRO HERO DEAD" 

Your heart skips a beat, but quickly you realize it's just a fake. You scroll through, lightly skimming the bullcrap you were reading. You scroll and see a photo taken of him the night he was brought to the hospital. You wonder how the press even got a photo of him. You focus on the photo, he does look dead. It only showed his upper body, completely covered in burns. More tears forming at the corners of your eyes just seeing him in the photo. Oh and his wings, his big bright vermilion wings...gone.

You were a complete mess at this point but your sniffles and choked sobs were interrupted by the front desk lady waving to you. "He's awake." 

Quickly following her into the room you see him. As you stand in the doorway for a moment, your heart sinks. You hurry to him. He had bandages wrapped around his head. His hair was short and mostly singed off. And his wings...they really were gone. "I'll leave you two alone," the nurse walks out and closes the door behind her.

You turn back to him.

"Kei?" you whimpered out.

His half lidded eyes look at you. His formerly bright, charming and yellow pupils have become dark and filled with anguish. He was wearing a mask over his nose and mouth with two tubes coming from the sides of it. He couldn't speak or breath himself, due to his throat being burned. 

Of course he knew it was you. Tears welled up deep inside and coursed down his cheeks. Seeing him like this had your body nauseas. You move to cup your hand on his face, feeling the material of his mask rather than his soft subtle skin. You graze your thumb against his cheekbone to wipe away his tears.

You pick up one of his hands to hold it in yours. "Kei….I'm so glad you're okay." You were sniffling through each word. He slowly raises his arm to point to the phone sitting on the table near his hospital bed. Handing it to him, you watch as his calloused fingers type out what he wants to say. 

"Angel, I've missed you so much, please never leave my side." You faintly smile at him, wishing you could hear those words come from his mouth and not the AI voice. 

"I won't leave you Keigo, I'm here, I won't go anywhere."

He types again. "I'm pretty beat up, but I think I'll make it."

Your ears focus on "think" for a moment. "Yes Kei you'll be fine, everything's gonna be okay. You felt a bit better being in his presence but you still couldn't bear the sight of him. Your eyes began to prick with tears once again and this time Kei was the one who bought his hand up to brush your tears away just like you did moments ago. 

You try your best to wrap your arms around him without causing him anymore pain. You could feel him wince when you laid your head against his chest. "Sorry Kei I didn't mean to hur-" He waves his hand and shakes his head, signaling that it's okay.

Your body looked calm despite how tangled your mind was.There were many questions that flooded your mind. So many things you wanted to say. But you could worry about the details later. Right now you were finally with him again, there was no way you were letting him leave you ever again.

You were bent over, upper body on top of him at an awkward position. You didn't want to hurt him, so this had to work.

Despite the position, you took in the moment with your boyfriend. Feeling his chest slowly rise up and down. You close your eyes and imagine you were back home with him in bed. Just snuggling on a weekend afternoon, light shining in on him making his wings light up beautifully against the sun. His golden locks and glowing skin, his scent washing over your senses. Your warm bodies practically glued together. You wanted that again, you wanted everything back to normal.

He moved one of his scarred hands to your back, slowly rubbing up and down. He knew he wasn't going to make it. He was fighting so hard on the inside. So damn hard...for you. He didn't want to leave you, he couldn't. His mind wandered about the life he had planned to have with you.

He faintly smiled under the mask when he imagined you walking down the aisle...holding your first child...sitting in little rocking chairs growing old together. That's all he wanted.

Both of your tears never stopped. You were both silent. The only sounds to be heard were each other's quiet sniffles and the monitor Keigo was attached to, making a faint beep to his heart beat. Still laying on his chest, his breathing started to slow and so did the beeping, being lost in the moment you didn't notice really but he knew.

He waved his hand signaling for you to stand up and brought his hand to take off his mask. He couldn't hold on much longer. Every aching pain inside him felt like knives stabbing his insides and with each stab more time from his life was taken.

"Kei, you need to keep it on to breath, please." He shakes his head and takes it off anyways. The beeping still started to slow. The mask hung off the side of his face. His honeyed voice now husk from the burns. 

"Baby...I love you so...so.." He coughs making him hiss at the pain.

"No..fuck..Kei stop, you're going to be okay just put the damn mask on." 

"I'm too..far..gone, I have no more fight left." 

Holding his jaw in your hands,your face inches from him. "No you have to stay strong for me, please don't leave me again, I can't do this without you." 

"Kid...please...when I'm gone...find someone else and-

"NO- I ONLY WANT YOU!" You cry out, holding his head to your chest. Long-lasting sobs leaving your mouth.

"I love...you" His breathing is heavy from trying to speak. He needed to tell you this. He needed you to understand how much he loves you.

Moving his head from your chest. "I love you too...kiego." You manage to say through your choked sobs. 

You move to have your lips brush his, softly, delicately, like butterfly wings, just long enough that he could inhale your breath, feel the warmth of your skin. He closes his eyes and connects his lips to yours. It was deep and passionate, like you were kissing him for the first time. You held one side of his face with one hand, and held his hand with the other. 

But when you pull away, his eyes don't open. It's like that's all he wanted, no needed. One last kiss, one last touch. To feel you. 

His breathing completely slows, and you're left with the prolonged beep of the monitor. He was gone. The man who was always too fast for his own good, had left you and the world too fast.

✶tag list: @levithestripper @sleepysnk @conniesspringersgf @regretfulfairies @miyanom @sashatotie @romeoandjuliet96 @strawberry-pp @megvmi-s @cinnamonnn-roll @gooddayzarerare @kkodzvken

[scribblingfangirl]

WITH LOVE, THE GOSTS | Julie and The Phantoms - Part Three

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Author’s Note: I decided that this fic trilogy occurs a year after the season one final, making Julie and Y/N almost (or already) 17. Also… this part turned out waaay longer than expected. Which is why there is going to be a fourth part because I have one last idea but didn’t want to rush to write it. And to think this all started because of a rushed (haha) 1k Oneshot. I should really start to write more spontaneously, it seems like good things come out of it. Anyway, Enjoy! :D

Songs mentioned in this chapter (in this order): Now or Never & Wake Up by JaTP | Don't Stop Me Now by Queen | Rude by MAGIC! | Don’t Laugh At Me by Mark Wills | Don’t You Worry ’Bout a Thing by Tori Kelly | Still Learning by Halsey | Ayo Technology by 50 Cent | My version of My Name Is Luke by Trevor Wilson | Let’s Forget About It by Lisa Loeb | Let's Just Get Naked Lyrics by Joan Osborne | Hey by Pixies

word count: ~ 3.9k

summary: Even after meeting the boys they still aren’t tired of helping you out and they each have their own little ways to do it.

warnings:  // (english is not my first language, not beta-read)

| PART ONE | PART TWO |

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Knowing that ghosts existed was an absurd feeling (even though you had always believed or hoped that there was more out there than just this world, especially with all those planets that had been discovered by NASA), but knowing that there were three certain ghosts that liked you enough to kindly haunt you, well… that was just plain unimaginable somehow. Yet, still less anxiety awakening than you expected. 

After Julie let you meet the guys for the first time you thought you were prepared to accept that you would not be able to talk to them unless they played something (after all, you had Flynn to groan about that), but the occasional giggle from Julie and her glances into nothing still sent chills down your spine.

So you started to always look around very suspiciously whenever you were over at her house and make obscene hand movements just to be sure that the boys would move before you walked somewhere or sat down (which just earned chuckles from Flynn and annoyed sighs from Julie - “Just because you can’t see them, doesn’t mean they can’t see you. They know where you are, so please stop, or else my dad will call your parents and send you to Dr Turner as well.” The boys found it hilarious and liked to imitate you whenever they came too close to you.) 

The boys also still kept doing little things for you, just not so in secret anymore (though… Reggie was never one for subtlety). Whenever you seemed to have had a bad day (or whenever they just wanted to make you smile) you knew you could count on them having something prepared for you. 

You soon discovered that anything related to food (which sometimes were extremely odd and bizarre combinations) was Luke’s doing (except for pizza and meatballs, according to Julie that was always Reggie). And you knew it was Alex whenever it was something more calm and soothing, yet sometimes a little bit clumsy. And whenever it was blatantly obvious and/or slightly weird (in a good way!) it was Reggie. 

Well, no. Not always in a good way. One time you came back from school and your whole room was filled with glitter and butterflies and a small note with a little ‘Sorry!’ on it was pinned to your desk - cleaning that had been a pain in the a-. But you couldn’t be angry at Reggie, even though you weren’t quite sure what his ultimate goal would have been. 

Speaking of REGGIE...

All those helpful little deeds and nice gestures were always done within the limits of your house (mostly room) or Julie’s house and the studio, which is why you almost let out a loud yelp when suddenly during a math test your pen started to move on his own, filling out the empty space (because yes, you hadn’t been doing very much other than staring helplessly at the paper in front of you). Quickly you grabbed the pen as well (loosely and while trying to ignore the fact that you were practically holding hands with one of the guys) so that nobody would see a floating pen as you did a few weeks ago at Christmas.

From the corners of your eyes, you saw Julie slightly move her head towards you, as if she was listening to you - or rather someone right beside or behind you. ‘Of course. I can’t see them, so the only way to help me is by physically grabbing the pen, but Julie can hear and see them, so they (whoever this is - because let’s be honest, none of the guys really looks like a math genius) only have to tell her the corrects solutions and how to get there. My money’s on Alex.’

You were kind of shocked, and weirdly proud when Julie came up to you after class and said: “Reggie’s not so questionable after all, huh?” (Though… you should’ve guessed it, you did say subtlety wasn’t Reggie’s strong suit.) So you just giggled and shook your head while leaving some of your books in your locker (alongside the fact that Reggie was probably almost (if not!) hugging you from behind - you shuddered at that thought, it’s not like you were already awkward around living boys your age, no need to add ghosts to that list!)

A week later you and Julie entered the studio with blank faces and hanging shoulders. Julie threw a weak little wave towards the piano and sighed while you threw the blankets and snacks you were holding carelessly on the ground and let yourself fall face-first onto the couch, not being able to hide your smile anymore.

“We got our math exams back… yes the one Reggie helped us with.”

You couldn’t see what Julie was doing, but you heard her gasp and whisper “No! Reggie…” after a while. Then she was standing beside you, nudging your shoulder and willing you to sit up, but you didn’t bulge, needing a few more seconds to wipe the smile off your face again.

Faking to disgruntledly accept defeat as Julie’s nudges got stronger (the couch was really comfortable, you totally understood Luke now) you sat up and looked at Julie. “Who’s going to tell them?” you said with a heavy voice and felt how the couch dipped beside you. Raising your eyebrows you quickly glanced to the side (obviously not seeing anybody or anything) and looked back at Julie questioningly. 

She nodded, telling you that it was indeed Reggie and gave you the okay to drop the bomb.

You sighed as you turned back around, facing the wall on the other side of the studio and hoped that Reggie would ignore the fact that you were probably talking to his ear or something. “So Reggie… the help you gave us on the math final? Well…,” you couldn’t keep your face straight any longer and jumped onto the couch, “WE ACED IT! I WOULD HUG YOU IF YOU WEREN’T MADE OUT OF CUTE AIR!” (Okay… maybe there was a little bit too much serotonin involved.)

Julie added smiling, “And I’m happy to announce that due to my good grades my father allowed Julie and The Phantoms to play at the upcoming Summer Music Festival!”

A guitar riff filled the studio, followed by a short drum intro and with a ‘puff!’ the boys appeared in front of you, beaming and glowing at the news. Reggie even threw a wink at you when you smiled back and said: “Thank you!”

Don't look down 'Cause we're still rising Up right now And even if we hit the ground We'll still fly Keep dreaming like we'll live forever But live it like it's now or never!

This allowed LUKE…

The music festival was an experience you would never forget. You were very happy Ray managed to persuade your parents to let you accompany Julie (sadly Flynn had no such luck). Not only did you turn 17 and the boys made sure to have the whole crowd sing ‘Happy Birthday’ to you (as soon as you were back home you would add an extra point to your to-do: ‘find out how to kill ghosts a second time’), but the boys rocked the stage and Julie stood up taller and shined brighter than ever before. 

Gone (yet not forgotten) were the painful shocks and the fear of never performing again and the serenity of the guys was visible. 

It was the last night of the music festival when Julie got the phone call from her father. He would come by to get her the next morning and they would drive directly to visit other family members and spend the rest of the summer holidays there. 

Of course, Julie was excited to see her cousins and aunts and uncles again, but she also felt bad to leave you to drive back alone (you had come with your car jam-packed with all the necessary equipment you needed and that wasn’t provided by the festival).

“Don’t worry! It’s only a four-hour drive! I’ve got good music, podcasts and audiobooks to keep me company and back home Flynn will be waiting. It sadly looks like I’m going to survive without you.” 

Early the next morning Julie and some newfound fans of Julie and The Phantoms helped you load the equipment into your car and you said goodbye to Julie. Expecting the boys to just directly puff back to Los Feliz you didn’t waste any time and entered your car, connected your phone with the stereo and started to blast your favourite Broadway musicals.

You must’ve been on the road for half an hour when suddenly the playlist stopped and ‘Wake Up’ started to play.

So wake that spirit, spirit!

Confused you scrunched up your nose and touched the touch screen displaying the music system, trying to change it back to your playlist. But instead, the music changed yet again.

(Don't stop me now) 'Cause I'm having a good time (Don't stop me now) Yes, I'm havin' a good time I don't want to stop at all

“What the hell?” you muttered, staring at your stereo for a quick second before focusing back on the road, “Why you always going crazy on me dude?”

Once again the music switched.

Why you gotta be so rude? Don't you know I'm human too?

It took you a hot minute to understand what was going on and then you couldn’t stop laughing. 

Don't laugh at me, don't call me names Don't get your pleasure from my pain

“Oh, I’m sorry,” you said mockingly, looking at the empty passenger seat, guessing that that’s where your invisible friend was sitting. “Your pain? I’m not the one who is able to puff wherever and whenever their heart desires and who sneaks up on innocent people.”

Silence. 

“For what it’s worth. I’m sorry. I really am. It’s not like you choose this life, you deserved better than this. But I’m really glad I was able to get to know you. I’m really thankful for the light and happiness you brought back into Julie’s life.”

Don't you worry 'bout a thing

But I'm still learnin' to

using technology

You laughed. “Impressive skills nevertheless. Knowing three fitting songs and then changing them at the right time? Let me guess, Luke? Because I don’t think all of you three would fit into my tiny car full of musical equipment.”

At first, there was no music yet again, but then the slow melody of a (for you) well-known song flooded your car. It was the one Trevor Wilson song you never understood until you met the boys, the one song that was so totally different to his usual rock sound (except for the refrains, which, as you later would find out, were parts of the original lyrics Luke wrote for his version of the song).

I sing to remember the stories that used to be But I don’t write to create what could have been And as I scream words into the darkness around me They come out like a dying whisper

The kindest thing to do is to silence them and let them die To unleash my heartfelt sorrow into the sky  And diminish the will to fight That pulses like fire and screams with pain through my veins

But life’s not always beautiful, it’s rare So I’mma chase it, watch you make it

Don’t need to introduce himself You will want to know his name Pushing your foundations down  He is here to stay

Don’t call him a breeze when he’s a hurricane Don’t call him a tremble when he’s an earthquake Don’t call him an inconvenience Please just say his name

Leaving lyrics in my hands That I swallow like pills Like hurtful words, they rip and claw And press painfully against my chest

But no matter how painful they are I will soak them up, thinking of our hopes and wishes And as each word pushes a new pulse through my veins I keep staring out on the grave of our shared space of mind

Life’s not always beautiful, but it’s rare So I’mma chase it, watch you make it

Don’t need to introduce himself You will want to know his name Pushing your foundations down  He is here to stay

Don’t call him a spark when he’s a lightning bolt Don’t call him a flicker when he’s a raging flame Don’t you dare to underestimate him Please just say his name

But even when the word flood finally comes to an end Fidgeting hands remind me of music never played

I owe him my voice I owe him my sound

So I give him this time I give him this space To sing it out loud To let him declare And let me be proud

What’s his name? (His name is Luke!) What’s his name? (His name is Luke!) What’s his name? (His name is Luke!)

How long do we say his name? (Until we explode!)

My name is Luke! (Tell your friends!)

Tears were rolling down your cheeks, the song now more emotional than ever before. You couldn’t imagine how this song must affect Luke. Thinking that his bandmate abandoned him (which honestly… he kind of did, only mentioning him in one song, not giving any money to their parents and so on) up until he heard the song for the first time.

“Luke…”

Forget about it Let's forget about it

The ensuing silence wasn’t awkward. You hummed along to the music Luke selected, sometimes it were old classics (probably his favourites), other times it seemed to be random newer hits he probably never heard before mixed with some songs from your favourite playlists.

It was nearing midday and your stomach made itself known. As if on cue a road sign hinted at a diner just up ahead. Setting the blinker you pulled into the parking lot a few moments later.

“I hope you don’t mind. I know home’s only like an hour away, but...” you began to trail off, not knowing where to look at and your stomach finished your sentence. And before you were able to grab the door handle it sprung wide open. 

“Uh, what a gentleman. Thank you very much.”

The meal was over in a flash and once more you realised how much the boys actually knew about you without having actually interacted with you (perks of seeing other people without being seen themselves?). 

It’s like Luke could read your wishes just from your facial expressions. Whenever you needed salt or pepper they were right there. Whenever something was too salty or had too much pepper on your drink was being pushed closer to your side. And when you accidentally spilt something and needed more napkins they magically appeared.

When you then spotted a cute little guitar keychain that reminded you of Luke that was being sold as a souvenir at the check-out it was suddenly safely tucked into your back pocket (though that was really really risky, and while you did not condone it you couldn’t really stop a ghost).

Back in your car, you didn’t even bother to turn on the stereo, knowing that Luke would take over as soon as your hands were on the steering wheel again. 

However, a glance to your right presented you with a map of your surroundings, a big x hastily drawn over the Silverwood Lake in San Bernardino, which was basically just around the corner.

“You want to go swimming? We- I just ate! And my bathing suit is somewhere under that mountain of equipment on the backseat.”

Let's just get naked, just for a laugh Let's just get naked It's a trip and a half

You laughed at that, rolling your eyes and shaking your head, before stowing the map away and turning on the car. “I guess catching Reggie in the shower isn’t enough anymore?”

Hey!

“You started making it weird buddy.”

It had started to rain when you finally pulled up in your driveway, but you couldn’t be bothered to rush inside, enjoying the feeling of the cooling wetness on your skin.

“Look at that,” you said to nobody in particular, not knowing if Luke was still around or if he puffed back to the garage, “I didn’t even need to go swimming after all.”

He was. Sitting in the passenger seat, face on his arms while he leaned on the open car window, he watched you dance in the rain with a smile on his face. He was glad he decided to stick around and keep you company on that road trip. You gave him the courage to listen to My Name Is Luke for the first time (and getting to see you smile while showing off his impressive music knowledge was a bonus too). Because without knowing, you were doing little deeds for the boys too.

And made ALEX…

Whoever wrote that “Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning how to dance in the rain”-quote totally forgot to mention how dangerous small summer storms can be. 

Well sure, it might have been your fault for staying out for too long and deciding to let the sun that came out a little bit later dry you instead of changing into fresh and dry clothes, but whatever happened happened and you got sick. (It’s not like you had anything better to do during the last few days of your summer holidays, right?) 

Flynn had been a great friend and hung out almost daily at your house, playing board games, watching movies or tv or even just discussing upcoming Julie and The Phantoms possibilities with you. But your dearest little helper had been Alex.

The blond drummer had turned into the tall brother you never had but always wanted (focus on tall because the age thing with ghosts is seriously confusing) even if he was invisible to you 100% of the time. You had the same interests and were able to bond without actually having to say any words, little gestures and reciprocations on your side were more than enough.

Julie had come up with an easy solution and had bought you some of those sound buzzers (like the ones that dogs and cats use to communicate with their owners) and recorded some simple words and phrases the boys liked to use on them. Now the boys just had to press them to be able to communicate with you without having to use pen and paper or Julie herself (sure your parents were a little bit weary and confused, but you said it was for a longer school research project and that shut them up).

Now, feeling way better than during the last few days, but still very tired, you were sitting in your bed, not really focused on the tv show (or was it a movie?) that was playing on your computer. You had been contemplating and mentally preparing yourself to get something to eat and to drink for the past 15 minutes, but the thoughts alone were exhausting and binding you to the bed. Just then a tray with a water bottle, meds and a fruit bowl floated into your room. 

Suddenly wide awake and full of energy you clumsily jumped out of your bed and grabbed the tray, throwing a quick glance out of the door to see if your parents were around and slammed the door shut, wincing at the loud sound and hoping that Alex had walked out of the way (not that it would have hurt him, but you know - rude).

“Rude.” 

See? He thought the same. (Julie had to specifically add this word for Alex.) 

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. But I would like not to get murdered or have Sam and Dean Winchester on my back because my parents think I’m possessed and need to be exorcised.”

“Me.”

“You what?”

“Me.”

“Alex… I need more context.”

“I do. Me.”

You just blinked blankly at the sound buzzers, trying to piece together what Alex was trying to say.

“Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. Me. M-”

“THAT’S ENOUGH Y/N! WHATEVER THAT SCHOOL PROJECT IS, TELL IT I HEARD IT AND I DON’T CARE WHAT IT WANTS!” you heard your father's scream come muffled through the door.

The audience laughter from sitcoms filled your room and you groaned, grabbing a pillow and smashing it against your face.

Faintly you heard the telltale sound of a pen scribbling something on paper and when you peeked from behind the pillow a note was floating in the air in front of you. “You mean exorcise ME! You would be the one surviving!” 

“What? Oh my god… yeah okay, YOU get exorcised… same thing. Both aren’t allowed to happen. Forgive my fever brain.”

“No.”

“Fork you, Alex.”

“No.”

“I have Carlos on speed-dial, I’m sure he already came up with other methods to get rid of ghosts other than the salt thing. He already told me that he’s sorry and that he thinks I might get haunted by you too with the amount of time I spend at their house.” 

“No. Food.”

Confused at that topic change it took you a few seconds to answer. “What?” Looking around your gaze landed on the tray that you had deposited on your desk. “Oh right! Boy, I completely forgot how thirsty and hungry I am. Did I say thank you? Fang u!” you mumbled with your mouth full of fruit. 

“No. Food.”

You swallowed down your food and took a big gulp of water. “Yes Alex, thank you. I am eating. You see? Here I am, here’s the food. The food is here and now whoops - ifs gan!”

You could basically feel the annoyance radiating from the ghost and weren’t really shocked when the pen started to scribble something down again.

“No! Argh!” He really wrote Argh… that dork really wrote Argh! “You can be worse than Reggie sometimes, but you do it on purpose and I’m just sorry for Reggie. A) Carlos thinks he got rid of us by making a french dip and B) You’re awfully lively for a supposedly sick person. I might need to use the buzzers more and see what other reactions I can provoke from your parents.”

Crumbling the note in your hands you thought ‘Challenge accepted’. “You know what? I think I’mma go back on Reggie’s offer and actually let him introduce me to Wilbur. He might know some stuff I could use to blackmail you. And you’re right! I feel much better, just very tired, but that’s nothing a little bit of fresh air can’t fix! Toodles!” 

You left your room, leaving a flabbergasted ghost behind who had lost his snapback with the number of times he had been combing through his hair with his hands. And while angrily pressing a pink buzzer, the buzzer wasn't the only thing that screamed “WILLIAM!” after the girl. (That was another important sound Alex wanted to have recorded.)

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Taglist: @sunsetcurvej​​ @ifilwtmfc​

[arctickat2400]

Pains <> Harry Styles

You were sleeping on your recliner in your bedroom after reading a bit while waiting for your husband Harry to come home. He was hesitant about leaving you this morning for work considering you’ve been having huge stomach aches these past few weeks. They’ve gotten to the point where you wake up almost screaming, but they stop after a minute or two. You didn't think it was bad enough to go to a doctor for yet, so you haven’t, and Harry is still worried about leaving you. He would hate himself if something happened to you and he wasn’t there to help you through it.

It was close to midnight when Harry came home, locking the front door behind him. He set his keys and wallet on the entry table as he makes his way towards the kitchen and living room.

“Y/N, baby, I’m home.” Harry shouts in a whisper. He didn’t know if you were sleeping or not so, if you were, he didn’t want to wake you. He starts upstairs and peeks into your shared bedroom. He sees your closed eyes and your peaceful state. With a sweet and relieved smile on his face, knowing you’re okay, he walks into the room and towards you.

Harry gently places his hand on your stomach that is slightly shown from your shirt being pulled up, rubbing up and down with his thumb. He leans down and kisses your forehead. He wanted you to know he was home, but he knew you were exhausted, so he didn’t wake you.

Harry carefully undresses you, leaving you in your bra and underwear. He tucks you in, making you comfortable. He knew you’d want him to stay with you, but he left you to rest. Harry went downstairs, settling himself at the bar with his laptop and getting a little work done. He would’ve done his work in the bedroom so he could keep an eye on you, but he didn’t want to make too much noise.

* * *

It was almost 2 in the morning and you suddenly woke up. There was a sharp pain in your side, and you could feel another stomach ache coming. But, after a minute, the pain went away. You stood up from the bed, the floorboards creaking beneath you.

You barely took one step when the sharp pain came back, even worse than before. Your stomach began aching, and the sharp pain cut across your stomach. You let out an ear piercing scream, this being even worse than it's ever been. You held your stomach in severe pain as you fell to the floor, banging hard against the wooden floorboards.

Harry’s POV

I was just about done with my work for the night when I thought I heard the creak of the floorboards from upstairs. I couldn’t be sure, but it was probably just Y/N getting up to the bathroom.

Just then, not a second later, I heard a glass-breaking scream, followed by a bang on the floor coming from upstairs. I didn’t hesitate as I threw myself from the bar and flew upstairs, rushing into the bedroom. What I saw broke my heart and I didn’t wait even a second as I rushed to my baby girl, lying on the floor and struggling to get onto the bed.

“Y/N, what the hell happened? Are you okay?” I questioned as I picked her up and set her on the bed. Her eyes were closed but I knew they were red, and tears streaked her cheeks as she sobbed in pain. I looked down to see Y/N covering her stomach in pain. I knew what was going on.

“Okay, Y/N, I’m gonna help you through this. You’re going to be okay.” I told my wife. I tried prying her arms away from her stomach, but she just put her arms back where they were.

“Y/N, I need to help you.” I told her as she cries. I could tell she was trying to open her eyes, but it looked hard for her. “But, I can’t do that unless you let me.” I explained, trying to be calm, though it physically hurts me to see her in so much pain. She cried out as she just barely nodded. She slowly released her arms from over her stomach as I guided them to her sides.

I placed my hand on her stomach, knowing it'll help ‘coz it always helped when Y/N felt sick or was hurting. But, when I just barely touched her, she winced and flinched back, replacing her arms over her stomach.

“NO!” She screamed. “It hurts to much.” She cried to me.

“Ok, baby. I’m gonna get you to the hospital. Just stay calm for me, alright?” I said, hovering over her. I look across the room and make my way to get one of Y/N’s long sweaters. Sliding it over her head with difficulty, I pick her up in my arms and take her to the Range Rover after grabbing my keys.

I place her carefully in the front seat, buckling her in and rushing to the drivers side. I drive 5 minutes to the hospital, running inside to the reception desk.

“Something’s wrong with my wife and she needs a doctor now.” I panic to the woman as she eyes Y/N and the fragile state she’s in. She looks past me to see a doctor or two there in the hall. She waves them over with a hospital bed as they run over to me and Y/N.

“What’s going on?” One of the doctors questions, motioning for me to put Y/N down on the bed. But, as I was about to put her down, she clutches my shirt in her fist.

“No, Harry, don’t let me go!” She screams, snuggling her head in my chest and her other arm wrapped around my neck.

“I’m right here, baby. I won’t let go.” I tell her and the doctors begin leading me down the hall, Y/N still in my arms.

“She’s been having bad sharp pains in her stomach for the past 2 or so weeks to the point where she’s screaming and crying. And tonight, I found her screaming and on the floor. She won’t let me touch her stomach because she says it hurts too much and it’s tender to the touch.” I pause as I set Y/N down on the bed in the room the doctors led us to. I held her hand and sat behind her, holding her against me. Cries and whimpers escape her as she snuggles into me. “And I’ve noticed her belly has been a bit swollen and I don’t know what any of this means.”

Just then, Y/N lets out another ear piercing scream just as the doctors were hooking her up to heart monitors and machines. One of the doctors put an IV into the inside of Y/N’s arm and the other came and placed a morphine shot to her stomach, telling me it will help with the pain. Y/N calmed down, cries and whimpers still audible as I stroked my fingers soothingly through her hair. My shirt was still balled up in her fist as she flinches every now and then in pain.

The doctors call in some nurses to help figure out what’s wrong with Y/N. They first give her a sedative so she’ll sleep through most of the pain. As Y/N falls asleep in my arms, I wipe away the tears stained on her cheeks.

Your POV

The beeping from the heart monitor runs through Harry’s ears as the doctor feels around your stomach. He, then, lifts your shirt and takes a monitor, placing it against your belly, guiding it around as he looks at a small screen beside him.

“What are you doing?” Harry asked, confused, his eyebrows furrowed.

“We might know what’s causing Y/N’s pains.” The doctor says, his eyes switching from your and Harry and back to the small screen.

“It’s very rare, but sometimes a woman can experience severe pains in the abdomen in the early weeks and stages of her pregnancy, along with a bit of a swell with pain.” The doctor explained to Harry. He was astonished to say the least.

“Wait, are you saying Y/N’s pregnant?” Harry tried to understand.

“Now, I believe so.” The doctor turned the screen towards Harry to show him a sonogram of a small baby which was in fact growing inside Harry’s wife.

Harry never knew, never even had that thought. But, now that he thought about it, his heart fluttered and a tear threatened to spill from his eye as he stared at the screen.

Harry’s head fell to look down at the most precious thing in his life, you. A small smile came to his lips, his thumb stroking your cheek, as he imagined starting a family with you. He’s always wanted a family with you, though wishing you didn’t have to go through all that pain to do so.

The doctor stood up, and just before he was about to walk out the door, “Wait, is she gonna be okay?” Harry asked about you.

“Yes, Y/N and the baby will both be just fine.” The doctor paused and the rest of the nurses and doctors made their way out. He started back towards the bed. “Y/N is about 4 weeks along, and for women who experience those pains, they should last only 2 weeks. The pains should be gone now, but we will prescribe Miss Grace with pregnancy safe medicine that will help with the pains if they ever do come back. But, she will be okay, along with your baby. Congratulations, Mr. Styles.” The doctor smiled to Harry as he walked out, leaving you and Harry alone to rest.

You stayed asleep for a little while longer as Harry held you in his arms. He set his hand on your belly, realization hitting him that he was going to be a dad in a matter of months. He was so happy, he couldn’t hold back a few tears. One accidentally fell onto your cheek as Harry wiped it away, and you started to stir.

Harry stroked his fingers through your hair as you nudge your nose into Harry’s stomach. He chuckled quietly as you felt around for Harry with your long sleeve covered hands.

“Harry?” You questioned as you looked up.

“Hey, Beautiful.” Harry smiled calmly at you. You began to sit up, you laying back beside Harry as he laid beside you. You lay your head against his chest.

“How’re you feeling, Baby Kitten?” Harry questioned you, holding your head against his chest as you wrap your arms around his torso. He places a kiss to the top of your head as he holds you.

“I’m not really sure. I little ill feeling, I guess, in my stomach. Still really tired, but fine otherwise.” You finished.

“Does this hurt?” Harry asked, placing the slightest pressure onto your belly. You sighed in relief at Harry’s gentle touch.

“No, not really. It’s not as bad as it was before. You’re free to touch it whenever you want now.” You giggle, looking up at Harry, and he joins in, happy to see your smile again. He leans down and presses his lips to yours, guiding your chin towards him.

He releases you and he brings your head back to his chest. You close your eyes, hoping to get more rest in Harry’s arms.

“Did they find out what’s wrong?” You question Harry, setting your hand on his chest.

You can hear the smile on Harry’s voice as he answers. “Well, all I can say is that little Baby Styles was conceived 4 weeks ago and is now living in that adorable belly of yours.” You looked up into Harry’s eyes in shock before he could even finish as he stared down at you, his hand on your belly.

“You’re kidding me?! I’m… we’re pregnant?!” You hesitate, and knowing the answer was yes as Harry smiled down at you with a sparkle of adoration in his eyes. Tears began streaming down your cheeks.

You sighed as you wrapped your arms around Harry’s neck, his carefully tightening around you, holding you close to him.

“But, what about all the sharp pains in my stomach?” You challenge, slightly pulling away from Harry as you stare into his eyes.

“Though rare, the doctor said some women experience some sharp pains during their first few weeks of pregnancy. Though not common, it wasn't not normal. But, you’re okay and so is Baby Styles.” Harry tells you as he places his hand on your belly again, caressing it with his thumb. Harry leans down again and kisses your forehead as you sigh in contentment.

Soon, around 5 a.m., the doctor came in to check on you and Harry was able to take you home. He guided you down the hall to the receptionist. She checked you out and gave Harry your prescribed meds.

Since he only had time to put a shirt on you, leaving you in only your underwear and barefoot, Harry had picked you up bridal style in his arms as you wrapped your arms around his neck, being carried to Harry’s Range Rover. He placed you gently inside, kissing your cheek and walking to the other side as you buckled up.

Pulling into your driveway, you got out, not worrying about walking barefoot on your driveway, Harry holds his hand out for you as you take it, helping you out of the car, leading you hand in hand to the house.

It was still dark outside, and you were still exhausted. “Hey, baby, how bout you go upstairs to bed and I’ll be up in a minute. I’m just gonna put your medicine away.” You nod in understanding as he pulls your head to him and places a kiss to your forehead before making your way upstairs.

You slip out of your shirt and slide into bed, closing your eyes as you wait for Harry. Not a minute later, you feel a warm hand on your belly, his thumb caressing your skin. You smile in satisfaction as Harry bent down, hovering over you, and placed a kiss to your 4 week pregnant belly. He fell into bed next to you after taking his shirt off, and pulled you against him, covering you in the duvet.

Harry kissed the back of your head and set his hand on your already growing belly as you moaned peacefully. Harry nudged the back of your head with his nose in response. You closed your eyes once again, falling asleep in Harry’s strong but gentle embrace.

[juniorgman187]

Sleight of Hand (Reid Fic)

Summary: Practical Joker Reader makes the unsuspecting naive Dr. Reid the object of her most recent prank - stealing his ID badge.  Category: Pure Fluff, Drabble, One Shot Pairing: Platonic Fem!Reader x Spencer Reid Content Warning: Super brief mentioning of dark nature of job, prank Word Count: 2k

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

Despite what anyone else may believe, or what my resting face may convey, I’m not a mean person. I don’t take pleasure in people’s pain, and I certainly don’t intend to hurt anyone.  

With that being said - I do thoroughly enjoy messing with people from time to time. Which, in my opinion, is a completely different thing than being mean. 

At work, I’m known for pulling harmless pranks. Keyword: harmless. The dark nature that surrounds our job can consume us whole if we let it, and if anyone needs a good laugh here and there, it’s the BAU. Sometimes we all just need reminders that life shouldn’t be taken so seriously, and my silly antics are just the remedy. 

A window of opportunity for my most recent practical joke presented itself when I was packing up to leave for the day. 

Right across my desk was Reid’s and to my right was Derek’s, but at the moment, Reid was parked at the kitchenette, diligently stirring his coffee and copious amounts of sugar packets together while Derek’s head was buried six feet deep in paperwork. I could tell they would both be in for a long night and I didn’t envy them for that. 

“Alright, I’m out!” I announced to them both, but before I could actually get far, Derek stopped me. 

“Wait, (y/n)! Hold up,” He sat up from his chair to reach me with an outstretched arm. “Can you put this back on Reid’s desk?” 

I blinked hard when he tossed an object at me, so only after I caught it did I open my eyes and realize it was just a pen. 

“Wow. Lazy much?” I scoffed, gesturing to Reid’s desk that was less than seven feet away. Derek was probably exerting more effort into stretching out his arm like that to give me the pen as opposed to if he just got off his butt and walked to the desk himself.

“Pleaseee,” He partially begged, causing me to roll my eyes and replace the pen dutifully. As I slipped the pen into its rightful spot in his little cup of writing utensils, something caught my eye.

Lightbulb!

Just sitting there on Spencer’s desk was his badge. It was so carelessly placed in comparison to everything else on the table that had been situated in such a carefully, almost calculated, manner.

I knew Spencer had a habit of taking it off at the end of the day, but it baffled me just how flippantly he treated it. I figured he coveted his badge, but his haphazard placement of it suggested otherwise, while simultaneously showing his humanity to me. He wasn’t so cookie-cutter perfect after all, he could be messy, too.

It was that epiphany that almost made me not want to tamper with it, but it was my own humor that pushed me to do it anyway. 

Maybe it’s time Spencer learned a lesson, rather than being the one to teach it. 

If he was going to just let this thing lie around like it was nothing, then how would he react if it wasn’t there at all? 

I slyly looked up from the badge and to Spencer, whose back was still turned to me in the kitchen and then to Derek, who was too focused on his work to even notice that I was still here. Fully taking advantage of Spencer’s oblivion and the lack of a witness in Derek, I slipped the ID swiftly into my purse. Even if Derek wasn’t the type to be a snitch, it was better that absolutely no one knew.

Less than a millisecond after successfully concealing the badge within my bag, Spencer finally turned around and saw me lingering by his desk.

“What are you still doing here?” He asked with the slightest bit of suspicion in his voice. There was no way he could’ve known what’d I’d just done unless he had eyes at the back of his head, so I stayed calm and collected, relishing in my guaranteed safety.

“Derek wanted me to return your pen,” I explained casually from across the bullpen. I watched as Spencer strolled unhurriedly towards me, and it might’ve been my paranoia that led me to this belief, but I swore I saw his eyes dart to his desk momentarily. However, if he had noticed the absence of his badge, he didn’t say anything. 

“Oh, thanks! Have a good night.” He smiled and waved back to me, showing no indication of mistrust. 

Sucker. 

“You, too!” I said with more zeal than the situation warranted. I was worried that might’ve given me away, but I had timed my escape so perfectly that I was already in the elevator by the time he returned to his desk, giving him no chance to inquire about my uncharacteristic behavior. 

That was a close one. 

When I came in the next morning, Spencer wasn’t there yet. Which was slightly strange given the fact that I was barely on time, so if he came in at any point after my own arrival, Spencer would be considered late for work. Occurrences like that only happen once in a blue moon, and usually, the reason for them are mysterious haircuts or something’s wrong. I hoped for his sake it was the former. 

Now you might consider me an impeccable troublemaker, but I’d first and foremost be rendered outstandingly forgetful. I say this only because I had completely forgotten that I stole Spencer’s badge the night before. But can you blame me? It was stashed away in my purse, hidden to my immediate sight, and the object was so small that it didn’t stick out to me or add an excess of weight in my bag that would serve as an unintentional reminder. It never once crossed my mind, not even when I looked to Derek to ask, “Where’s Reid?”

With a coffee mug in one hand, Derek put his arms out to either side of him and shrugged. Suddenly, the mug precariously shook from the draft created by someone blowing right by him. 

It was Reid.

“Whoa, slow your roll there, Pretty Boy. Almost knocked my coffee over.” Derek reprimanded playfully, clutching on tighter to his precious coffee that almost succumbed to Spencer’s speed when he breezed by.

But rather than apologizing or laughing, Spencer kept on his pursuit. Since the time he got here, his eyes were glued to his desk with determination. Even as he approached his desk, he hadn’t yet acknowledged me or Derek. Instead, he was mumbling to himself while haphazardly sorting through his desk. He was frantic and in disarray, a manner that worried both me and Derek.

“What’s wrong, Reid?” I leaned forward to observe his desk, which by now, was what I had to think was a direct reflection of his brain - completely chaotic. Papers were scattered, books were open to random pages, he even emptied out his well-maintained writing utensil cup. 

“I lost my badge.” He answered with his attention still trained on finding it. Luckily for me, that meant he couldn’t see the sudden smirk that grew on my face as a result of his response. There was no way to hide my entertainment without biting down on my lip to keep it from contorting into a smile or perching my head on my hand and using my knuckles to hide my devilish grin. 

“When’s the last time you had it?” Derek was surprisingly just as concerned as Reid and just as eager to help him find it, even setting down his coffee on his own desk to help Reid sort through his. 

“I always take it off at the end of the day, and I remember setting it on my desk, but I didn’t take it home with me. I don’t recall even leaving here with it, so I must’ve left it somewhere here.” 

At this point, my unbridled enjoyment of this was too much to physically contain, that I actually had to spin my chair a complete 180 degrees just to shield them from the sight of my imminent laughter. 

“(Y/n), do you remember seeing it -” Derek’s voice overpowered my muffled giggles, and when he looked up to ask me that, he would’ve seen my shuddering shoulders from where I was laughing hard, yet noiselessly. I spun my chair back around and looked at him with cool indifference. 

He quickly noted the shade of red I had turned and profiled the situation. But rather than outing me, he followed the instruction of my index finger to my lips and stayed quiet. 

I took his alliance as an opportunity to nonchalantly retrieve the badge from my purse. At a tantalizingly slow pace, I raised it in the air, until it was so high, Reid would be able to see it dangling from my thumb and forefinger. 

“Looking for this?” 

Spencer’s gaze immediately shot upward to look right at the badge, before flashing to me. 

What part of him reacted first, I wasn’t sure. Was it the sigh of relief or the flared nostrils and clenched jaw that came soon after? 

He wasn’t even going to say anything to me before grabbing it from me, that’s how pissed he was. But my quick reflexes lunged me backward at the same moment he reached out to get his badge from me, preventing him from successfully taking it back. I couldn’t believe he actually tried that and thought it would work. 

“Ah, ah, ah,” I wagged my finger left to right to communicate my disapproval. “Not so fast, Pretty Boy. I want something in return.”

He shot me the most deadpan glare. “What do you want?” 

I put my finger to my chin and looked up to coyly think about it, but more so to extend his torture for just a few seconds longer. I could feel him staring a hole into me as he grew more and more impatient. “Well, it’s gotta be something good. I mean, imagine what would’ve happened if this landed in the wrong hands.” 

“Evidently, it did.” He coldly replied. 

“Ouch,” I feigned offense and brought my hand to my chest to clutch my heart with a short gasp. “I’m so hurt,” I said with the biggest pout.

He was not nearly as entertained as I was, and his lack of amusement came in the form of a stoic, “I’ll teach you sleight of hand.” 

My body actually had to reboot at the sound of his proposal. “Wait, are you serious?” I clarified. 

“Yes. It physically pains me every time I watch you try to do it, so I figure it’s better for me if I teach you how to do it properly instead of having to sit through another one of your lousy, pathetic magic tricks.”

I would’ve been offended, but I’d been begging him to teach me sleight of hand for months, so the insults were quickly disregarded by me in case he changed his mind during the time I’d take up being hurt by his cruelty.  

“Deal,” I smirked while handing him his badge back. 

Needless to say, I did teach the good doctor a lesson, but it seems he still hasn’t learned … for why would you teach the biggest practical joker in the office sleight of hand? That only adds to my arsenal of tricks I have up my sleeve to use against my coworkers.

Maybe I should teach Spencer another lesson and see if he learns this time around.

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 

reid taglist: @s1utformgg @no-alarms-no-surprises-silence @jemimah-b99 @justanothetfangirl @kylab @rainsong01 @calm-and-doctor @inkstainedwritergirl @rexorangecouny @ashwarren32 @carooliina @fortheloveofcriminalminds @watermelongubler  @obsessedmaggiemay @k-k0129 @aperrywilliams @eevee0722​ @spencersmagic​ @spencerreid-mgg​ @half-blood-dork​ @goldeng1rl8​ @just-a-bunch-of-fandoms​ 

[ladyeliot]

Stay with me

Prequel to  It will always be you.

Pairing: Tony Stark x Avenger Female Reader

Summary: Because of the consequences of your actions, 117 nations come together to create the Sokovia Accords. Now a decision hangs over you, whether to sign them or not, whatever you do will have repercussions.

Warnings: Angst.

Word count: 3702

A/N: Civil War. Some of the dialogue is taken from the film. Sorry for my spelling and grammatical mistakes, English is not my native language, I am learning.

Reader Powers: Psionic. You use psionic force to track any sentient being. You also create psychic shields to protect yourself. You can project psychic force bolts which have no physical effects but which can affect a victim's mind, causing them pain.

The evidence was clear, the position you were currently in had come about because of some very poor performance on your part, the news had echoed the catastrophes you had caused, especially the attack on Lagos, the governments had lined up to stop it and come to a common agreement to keep you under their command. Deep down you all knew that day would come, though you were confident it would be further away. It had been almost four years since Tony Stark had rescued you from your past, from being a contraption held in a laboratory for research. You had been offered a future where you no longer had to run or hide, you had been offered freedom, a purpose in life, but that bundle of paperwork in front of your eyes was meant to make you a prisoner of the government once again.

The discussion had been getting louder and louder, the different opinions countering each other were causing the nerves to come to the fore, alternating the atmosphere. Although the resolution was clear, there was nothing to be done, you were either with them or against them, becoming a fugitive wanted by the whole world. The Sokovia Accords were established by the United Nations and ratified by 117 nations, and what they proposed was to regulate the activities of the altered individuals, namely that the Avengers would cease to be a private organisation, and from now on would operate under the supervision of a United Nations panel, and only when and if that panel deemed it necessary.

There was no turning back, the consequences had been placed before you for the acts you had committed, it was a one way street, not a return. Secretary Ross had been in charge of presenting you with the whole set of papers that would have to be signed by you, but convincing you all to agree was not going to be so easy. 

“So let's say we agree to this thing,” Sam said, unresponsive to the situation. “How long is it gonna be before they LoJack us like a bunch of common criminals?”

“A 117 countries want to sign this,” Rhodes reminded him.  “117, Sam, and you're just like, ‘No, that's cool. We got it.’”

Unlike them, you chose to keep a few metres away from the meeting table, remain silent and meditate with yourself on the proposal, not that you didn't know the pros and cons or the consequences of not signing the agreements, but that you wanted to analyse the situation from different points of view without the others questioning your opinions.

"Tony. You are being uncharacteristically non-hyper-verbal," Natasha said, turning her gaze to Tony.

“It's because he's already made up his mind,” Steve's tone seemed harsher than usual.

“Boy, you know me so well,” Tony countered sarcastically, then turned his gaze and gestured in your direction.  "She does seem to have made up her mind what her decision is."

You felt the gaze of everyone present focus on you, who unlike him preferred to be absorbed in the shadows, hiding from the attention of your companions. But in the end, perhaps his words were true and you had made a decision, a decision that you were not going to allow anyone to choose for you.

"I guess it's not as simple as you're trying to make us believe Tony," your tone was calm and affable, knowing that you were about to receive a sarcastic and ironic counterattack from him.

"Simple?" he gets up from the sofa raising his hands, walking towards the kitchen area, where you were sitting on a stool. "You think it's simple for me?" he pulls a mobile device out of his pocket and sets it down right in front of you on the top, the device projecting an image of a smiling young man. "Oh, that's Charles Spencer, by the way. He's a great kid. Computer engineering degree, 3.6 GPA. Had a floor level gig at Intel planned for the fall. But first, he wanted to put a few miles on his soul, before he parked it behind a desk. See the world. Maybe be of service. Charlie didn't want to go to Vegas or Fort Lauderdale, which is what I would do. He didn't go to Paris or Amsterdam, which sounds fun. He decided to spend his summer building sustainable housing for the poor. Guess where, Sokovia."

You look down, you understand perfectly what he means, you remember what happened in Sokovia, you remember because you were there, you saw with your own eyes what happened and also the consequences of your actions. But you knew that any decision had consequences and they could have been much worse if you had not acted, although there were also causes for your own fault.

"He wanted to make a difference, I suppose," Tony continued, looking directly at you, his tone rising and stiffening. "I mean, we won't know because we dropped a building on him while we were kicking ass."

After his last word, silence filled the room, everyone in the room was reliving the ghosts of the past. Tony definitely realising that you weren't going to look up to return his gaze decided to head back into the room with the others.

"There's no decision-making process here. We need to be put in check! Whatever form that takes..."

You felt his voice trailing off, then Steve seemed to come in to debate various points, but you could barely focus on what each of them was saying. An internal struggle was going on inside you, and you couldn't wait to see who was going to win.

"I have to go."

You looked up after hearing those words spoken by Steve, his body rose energetically, dropping the agreements from his hand. That was the beginning of all the consequences that were to come after we had made the decision not to sign.

Your steps were decisive, you walked through those long corridors that had become your home for the last few years, knowing that you would most likely never see them again, or at least not for an indefinite period of time. You truly believed you had made a decision, a decision that could become the decision of a lifetime, a before and after in the life process you had created for yourself. You believed that you knew the consequences, that you would be willing to face them as they came. You knew there were going to be setbacks, obstacles, but you didn't expect one as big as him to stand in your way.

"So you've made your decision?" the figure of Tony stood in the doorway of your room, a serious look on his face seeming to immobilise you. "Are you going to leave with Steve?

"I think it's for the best," your words were blunt, as you packed your most essential belongings into a rucksack.

His body entered your room just before the door closed behind him. You knew Tony well enough to know that his next words to you were likely to make an impression on you, but your mind was made up.

"Did you hear anything I just said in the living room?" he pursed his lips and ran his fingers nervously over them.

"Don't make this difficult for me," those words left your lips almost as a plea.

You barely looked at him, your back was turned to him and your eyes were focused on the inside of that backpack that seemed to have no end.

"I suppose you know that your decision is a single ticket," his words were firm. "That you're basically signing your own fucking sentence."

"No," you dropped the backpack and turned to him to find yourself face to face. "That's exactly what I'm running from," you sighed. "I think you of all people know that I know what it's like to be someone's property, that I've been for far too long and that's what really scares me," your pupils dilated as you remembered every single moment you'd lived hidden from the world, being an experiment. "I don't need guys in ties fighting for their own interests telling me what to do or where to go, because my freedom ends when they command me," the seriousness on Tony's face had relaxed, he kept his gaze on his feet and nodded. "I want you to know that I'm going with Steve because you had already made your decision."

The tension spread slightly around you, so much was hidden in those words, much more than what was shown. The complexity of the situation went far beyond signing or not signing the agreements, it was the break-up of a group, of friends, of family, something that could never be put back together again.

"I... I don't know if I'm going to be able to protect you," Tony clenched his jaw as he denied to himself, resting his brown eyes on yours again.

"I never asked you to."

You knew perfectly well how much your words must have hurt him, and what he meant when he said he couldn't protect you. There were so many hidden things in the air, but this was not the right time to start that conversation, maybe it was too late, nothing was going to change things so you asked yourself to please not make things more complicated. You turned around and nimbly zipped up your backpack, everything you had of great sentimental value was inside.

"I'm sorry," you whispered, hanging the backpack over your right shoulder and looking up at him.

"You're not sorry," his tone became serious, but at the same time indifferent, he was hurt. His gaze turned away from yours.

"This isn't what I wanted to happen," you whispered hoping that wasn't the last image you would see of him before you left.

"So, all you have to do was stay," those were the words that almost caused something inside you to stir, but you only gave a small, wistful smile as you looked at his face.

"You know I can't," you whispered hoping he wouldn't extract his share of indifference towards you again. "Please don't make it more complicated for me, because I can't deal with you right now.”

It was impossible to explain to you at that moment the dilemma that was building up inside you. On the one hand your ethics and your values were what prevented you from signing those damn papers that limited and curtailed your freedoms, it was something you assumed. On the other hand, how could it be so hard to leave Tony, why, what was going on right now that you couldn't face?

"Maybe you should just leave now," Tony slipped his hands into his Tom Ford trouser pockets and focused his gaze on the door to your room.

You nodded slowly, your brow furrowed and your lips parted as you didn't expect those words at all, you were ready to start an internal struggle, but he had already sentenced the conversation.

"Alright," you muttered, taking a step backwards, away from him. "Bye Tony."

As you got closer to that door a lump settled tighter in your throat, like a dramatic movie you expected him to say something to stop you at any moment, but he didn't. The door opened and allowed you to leave. The corridors seemed miles long, perhaps because time was slowing down. A black car could be seen from the wide glass windows, there were Steve and Sam waiting for you. A guilty smile appeared on your face as you walked back through the hall, bidding farewell to those present.

As you stepped outside, the air seemed to open up your lungs again, which had been stuck after the last goodbye you had said to Tony. Sam was inside the car, and Steve took care of getting your rucksack into the boot, along with his shield and Sam's wings.

"Are you all right?" muttered Steve, to which your response was a gentle nod.

As you rested your hand on the handle to open the car door, you couldn't help but direct your gaze towards the top of the building, right where you had left Tony a few minutes ago. But there was definitely no sign coming from that spot to stop you from continuing on your way.

The next few days the situation became more complex than anyone here would have expected. Agent Carter's funeral passed without incident, Natasha appeared to inform you that she was leaving for Vienna to sign the agreements, that there was still a chance for you to change your minds, but none of you did. Perhaps it was for the best, because during the signing an attack happened on the spot, an attack that changed the course of things. All eyes were on the Winter Soldier, Bucky, that directed Steve, Sam and you to Bucharest in a supposed attempt to get to Bucky before the authorities did.

"They're on the roof," Sam reported over the intercom.

"Steve get out of there right now," you said hiding on the roof of the building next door. "I can sense you but I can't surround your body with psychic energy unless you come out into the open."

That day was one of the worst failures you had ever managed to pull off, perhaps it was obvious that things didn't go quite right when feelings ran high, and it showed in Steve, especially when law enforcement trapped you in that tunnel.

"Stand down, now," War machine appeared before you to end the fatal chase and set you on your way to Berlin.

You knew what would follow, there was only one way out or the consequences would be far more extreme, either sign the agreements or become prisoners of the law. Things were different for you, Captain could have his shield removed, Sam could have his wings removed and T'Challa, who had appeared in pursuit out of nowhere could have his suit removed too, but you and Bucky were far more dangerous, especially as your powers and dangers were in the mind.

When you arrived at the facility in that armoured truck Bucky was put in an extreme protection capsule, that marked memory making you remember the past time.

"What's going to happen to him?" asked Steve walking beside you in the direction of Everett Ross, Deputy Commander of the Joint Forces.

"The same as you. Psychological evaluation and extradition," he focused his gaze on you.  "Miss Y/L/N, let's hope you'll be cooperative."

You understood his words, you knew the fear you could cause, force could be controlled, the mind was much more complicated.

"Of course," you affirmed with all your good intentions.

You didn't know where, but you assumed that in a few minutes you were going to meet him again in some remote part of that building, you could feel it. First it was Natasha who approached you, and then when you stepped inside the control room there was Tony, talking on the phone.

"[...] consequences?" he turned his body towards you, his gaze fixed on you, which made you cross your arms and look around, avoiding her. "Of course there will be consequences."

"Consequences?" asked Steve with a serious look on his face.

"Secretary Ross wants to prosecute the three of you. I had to give something."

You walked away from them, realising that you had two armed men following your every step around that room. You watched the monitors, every corner of the planet seemed to be controlled by them, there was nothing they could miss, you could even see yourself reflected in one of them.

"Is it worth it?" you turned your face to find yourself face to face with the one who had made you doubt your decision a few days ago.

He took his right hand out of one of his trouser pockets and made a slight gesture for the two security officers who had been assigned to you to move a little away from you, offering you some privacy.

"What do you mean?" you cocked your head to one side. Your voice was stiff, you were tense enough about the situation to offer him a friendly tone.

"I don't know, was it worth risking everything to find yourself back here with possible legal charges?" you didn't deny it, Tony's words hurt.

"Are you rejoicing?" you squinted, uncrossing your arms and turning your whole body towards him.

"How do you think this will all end?" he ran his index finger down the side of his mouth, his nervousness showing. Those words made you shudder. "Now you have a chance, don't let it slip away."

"Please, don't make this worse than it already is," your pleas were in vain. The last thing you wanted right now was a lecture from Tony.

"This wouldn't even abe problem, if you wouldn't make one out of it!" his voice was authoritative.

Your refusals and hesitations had gotten on his nerves, it was evident in the way he was addressing you. That was the last thing you wanted to do, to cause trouble, but it was clear that you were on the defensive against any verbal attack Tony might offer you. Sparks could almost fly between your gazes, which were still on after the conversation was over. You had no idea what was going to happen next, so you were grateful that Natasha caught Tony's attention at that moment, breaking into a battle that wasn't going anywhere.

The hours passed really slowly, so you found a space in a glassed-in conference room to settle in, under, of course, the watchful eye of the guards in charge of you, until you were called in for your psychological analysis.

"Do you need anything?" the door closed behind him.

"Are you playing good cop?" you asked watching as he dropped his blazer on a chair and sat down right next to you. "You're not giving up, are you?"

"I'll take every last cartridge," he leaned his elbow on the table and dropped his chin into the palm of his hand. "You know, I was just remembering earlier when we all went to that Italian restaurant in Soho on your birthday, and then we were at the concert by.... Oh, what was the name of the band? "

"What are you trying Tony?" you cocked your head to the side with a small smile on your face.

"I'm trying to... how do you say?" he rested his index finger on your lips. "Signing a peace agreement? Trying to get to your sensitive spot, because you have one, right?"

"I don't know, I guess if you have one I might as well, huh?" you arched an eyebrow, intertwining your fingers on the table, causing him to make a gesture of placing his hands on yours, but he never got to touch them by restraining himself, so you ignored the gesture.  "Do you want to sign a peace agreement with me, or do you want me to sign the Sokovia Accords?"

He took a breath and let it out slowly through his nostrils. He was completely frustrated, you knew it, you could feel it, he had rarely been involved in those situations that were out of his control.

"Listen," he paused slightly, bringing his fingers to his chin. "I think it's time that I..." he tore his gaze away from yours, let it wander, searching for his words as he gestured with his right hand. "I've tried many times, to do this but.... God, this really is the worst time to do it." He looked around nervously and then crossed his arms, but quickly pulled them apart. "Whatever. We're... well, I... it's likely that I, maybe, can feel..."

You would remember that moment all your life, especially since you wouldn't know until many years later what he meant to say to you. At that moment the lights went out, the monitors stopped working and everything was dark around you, only red flickering lights would have made their way into your darkness. Your head swivelled around you in search of whatever it was that was going on, Tony got up from his seat and placed his glasses over his eyes.

"Friday, give me the source of the blackout," he said to himself.

Finally your eyes focused on Steve and Sam, who were standing next to Sharon in the next room. You listened as Sharon informed them of Bucky's location, and a last glance towards you informed you that they were going to head that way, but just as you were about to leave that meeting room a hand came down hard around your arm.

"Stay with me," the trembling words that came from his lips seemed to shake your insides.

"I can't," you mumbled through your teeth almost with all the pain in your heart.

His fingers loosened, allowing you to leave the room as quickly as possible, but you took one last second to contemplate his face and how many feelings were hidden in it. You knew you only had one chance, everyone present was distracted enough to find the reason for the blackout, you had only a few seconds to get out of the room without being seen, and a couple of minutes before they noticed, so you didn't take long to do it.

A new decision piled up on your list, always facing the consequences you had acquired, and fighting against the feelings your heart presented to you. It wasn't easy, you hadn't given it much thought either, but what you did know was that you didn't regret having done it, at least so far.

Taglist Open (DM)

MAIN MASTERLIST

[smolkooks]

how long, pt ii - j.jungkook

pairings: reader x jungkook, established relationship!au, non idol!au

word count: 1.6K

content and warnings: angst, low-key couple fight, breakup, mentions of cheating, heartbreak, mild cursing

summary: your nonchalance broke him more than anger ever could.

(note: please do not plagiarise my work! all character/idol representations are purely fictional! this is part two of ‘how long’...part i is linked here. sorry this took so long...hope you guys like it though <3)

my masterlist

***

You weren’t sure when you last saw Jungkook in the apartment.

It was odd; neither of you wanted to confront the conflict and so it had faded away into the background of your daily lives once more.

You spent hours curled up in bed before you fell asleep, crying—the only time you allowed yourself to think about him. It was stupid that you refused to talk to him—that he refused to talk to you—and you knew that. The relationship you’d once had was but an aching pain in your chest now, and you wondered if he felt the same, wherever he was going every night now.

Foolishly, you hoped that it wasn’t the other girl’s house, even though you knew it was the only other place he could go. His family was in Busan, his old friends had moved out of Seoul—the only other place he could go was hers.

Even your coworkers seemed to notice your drab mood which only seemed to deteriorate each day. As somebody who’d always been known to be the cheerful one in the office, it was odd to not be excited about things you’d once looked forward to.

Heartbreak worked in strange ways, you supposed.

The initial numbness wore off within a few days and it turned to a throbbing in your chest; a strange emptiness you hadn’t felt in a long time. Jungkook had always been by your side whenever you felt upset, and you hadn’t ever imagined that he’d become the causeof your pain rather than the one holding your hand through it.

You spent so much time alone now in your apartment that it gave you time to think about what you wanted to do next. You knew that you weren’t willing to forgive Jungkook—especially since he was so adamant on not apologising and facing you, given that he’d managed to avoid you for a whole week despite living at the same place. If you didn’t want to stay with him, then you’d have to find a new place, too, since this was his apartment…                                              

It must’ve been nine days after not seeing Jungkook that your phone lit up with a familiar name while you were having dinner after work, alone at the kitchen bench. The notification sound broke you out of your train of thought and you mindlessly glanced at the lit-up screen, only to straighten when you saw hisname. His contact name was still labeled as boyfriend with a pink heart emoji, and something inside of your chest twisted strangely. The pain was far duller than it’d been just a few days ago, almost as if it was distant. Like rather than being a thunderstorm, it was a passing raincloud in the town down the road.

hey, can we talk?

You heaved a sigh and turned your phone screen down, leaving his message without a response. You had been able to find another apartment you’d be able to afford—one close to your workplace and the centre of the city, but you would only be able to move into it next week. Maybe you should hear him out…at the very least.

And so, with another deep sigh, you took another bite of your food and then picked up your phone, typing out your response: yeah. i’m home.

His reply came almost instantly: okay

You turned your phone off and slipped it into your pocket, your stomach clenching in sudden nervousness. How would you even look at him now, knowing that he’d probably been with the other girl for a whole nine days without a single call or text to you?

You must have been lost in thought for far longer than you thought, because it was the rattle at the door and the huff of his jacket sleeves as he slipped it off and hung it onto the rack that finally snapped you out of your own head.

He didn’t say anything, and you heard his footsteps softly pad towards the kitchen wordlessly. Suddenly you weren’t sure where to look, and instead of looking at him as he approached you (you knew he was, you caught sight of his curly black hair in your peripheral), you fixed your gaze on your food, composing yourself.

You felt a tentative hand on your shoulder, and you finally looked up at him.

He looked like he always did. Your pretty koo, your rock, your best friend. His hair was undone from its usual tiny ponytail and his eyes were slightly lined with dark shadows, as if he hadn’t slept last night.

“Y/N,” He finally said, taking his hand off your shoulder and putting it back at his side.

You didn’t say anything. Just swallowed, waiting for him to sit. When he finally did, you responded, “Yes?”

He gulped, biting his lip nervously, “I…I mean…are you okay?”

“I’ve been doing fine,” You said shortly.

“That’s good.”

You didn’t reply; only returned your gaze back to your now-cold food, the silent as heavy as ever.

“I…I didn’t want to hurt you.”

When you didn’t say anything, he pushed ahead, “I love you more than anyone else, and I didn’t mean for you to find out in this way.”

You scoffed without glancing up, “You didn’t mean for me to find out at all. How long were you going to string me along for, Jungkook?”

“I wasn’t going to—,”

“You did,” You cut him off, finally glaring up at him coldly, “Were you going to make me be your fucking housewife, sitting home by myself, mopping your fucking floors, while you go and get drunk with other girls? I’m not stupid, Jungkook, I know where you were the whole of last week.”

He was suddenly silent as he looked at you, unable to reply, mouth running dry.

You saw him gulp but you ignored it.

“I know you were with her, while you left me here, alone,” You said, your voice breaking at the end. You still managed to get the rest of your words out, “I don’t believe you when you say you love me, Jungkook, because I don’t feel it.”

“Y/N…”

“Five months, Jungkook. How long have you been lying to me?”

He didn’t speak for a long moment, and you didn’t bother to break it—his silence was telling enough.

He was tearing up now, you noticed with the tiniest bit of emotion showing on your face—even though you tried your hardest to hide it. His eyes were becoming foggy, and as much as you wanted to pull him into your arms and tell him it was alright, you didn’t.

It wasn’t your place anymore.

He’d made that much clear.

“Y/N, please…I can make it right,” He whispered, his voice on the verge of breaking.

You paused, mulling his words over for a long moment, before saying with finality, “Good luck with that.”

His eyebrows furrowed, and his hands began to shake as he caught onto your tone and implication, “W-what do you mean?”

“I’m leaving, Jungkook,” You told him, “I’m moving out next week.”

You watched—watched as the emotions washed over his features, one after the other. His hopeful, composed expression fell first, crumbling as he took in the reality of the situation and the unfaltering truth in your eyes and tone.

He didn’t move, only stared at you—first at your eyes, as if trying to search for any sign of hesitation or reluctance, and then at your unsmiling, firmly-pressed lips, and then finally his gaze turned to your hands—unfolded over the desk, palms flat on the table.

He gulped before he softly said, “Oh.” His voice was so small you barely registered it, so different to his usual, cheerful, enthusiastic voice—not that you would know anymore, seeing as you hadn’t heard it for a long time.

He was gone—emotionally, mentally, then finally physically—for so long you forgot what he feltlike—what he sounded like, truly.

“Yeah.”

There was no more malice in your tone. You didn’t have energy for bitterness or anger, or jealousy anymore. All there was was emptiness, the lack of anything and everything, that you felt through your heart and bones.

There was nothing.

“You’re breaking up with me?”

Those words snapped you. Despite your previous calm, you felt a storm pass through your gaze and you swear you saw him shrink back a little at the change in your expression.

You scoffed, your hands angrily fisting, “You broke up with me, the moment you decided to hurt me like you have. Like you are doing, right now, pinning this situation on me.”

He said nothing, only watching as your eyes became lined with frustrated silver, and he felt his own begin to tear up, too, as he took in your absolutely broken form and voice.

“I’m sorry.”

It was your turn to be silent, not bothering to mull over his apology as you simply stood up, taking your plate with you. The only sound in the apartment was the soft rumbling of the airconditioning, and the clinking of your cutlery as you tucked your chair in, “It’s too late for us, Jungkook.” You said without meeting his eyes so that he wouldn’t see your quiet tears. You slowly made your way to the kitchen to wash your dishes, “I’ll sleep on the couch.”

“No, I will.”

“Okay.”

Your nonchalance broke him more than your anger ever could. You were always so bubbly, so energetic and loving. Jungkook knew he didn’t deserve that anymore, not with how badly he had destroyed your heart.

He simply stood in place, numb, as you finished cleaning your dishes and made your way to the bedroom.

He didn’t see your face, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to.

“Goodnight, Y/N.” He said.

You silently shut the bedroom door and didn’t reply.

[ladykatakuri]

Coming Home to You

Echo x F Reader

Word count: 2363

Warnings: None really, it has some mentioning of nightmares and sadness and some fluffyness

I used the lyrics of a song to enhance the story i wanted to tell here.

Song: Sleep well my angel by We are the Fallen

Summary: Echo never thought he would ever dance with someone again, until you. He loved you there and then and it only became more

Watching you sleep for so long,

Knowing I can't turn the rain into sun any more

I've given you all that I have,

Now I stand here, too scared to hold your hand.

Afraid you might wake to see

The monster that had to leave

Echo stood in front of you, staring at your soft face with a sad smile. This beautiful person, soft smile on her face while asleep and his greatest love. But despite the deep and intense love that only grew stronger with each passing day, he felt he had to leave, deep inside himself. He was not the same man he once was, the Techno Union made sure of that.

When he was taken by them and they changed his body, something inside of him died. There was no escape, only the off chance of death for him and it was what he longed for the most. He had given up on being rescued and made peace with himself. If he could stop them from abusing his body and mind by dying, then it was alright. He might have even safed his brothers with his death.

Then one day he was found. Found by his brothers, by a crew of misfits and his captain who he admired greatly. Broken and no longer the man he once was, he was safed and had the smallest amount of hope that maybe, just maybe, he could find a way to live again. It took a long time to really recover physically and at times he still would find himself wondering how he could have adjusted to the loss of limbs and a normal body. But here he was, alive and with a new family. He still had nightmares and many regrets. His closest friend and brother had died without him around to at least say goodbye. Fives was no longer there to lift his spirit when he felt down in the dumps, but the memory of his fallen brother was greatly treasured and could at times still put a smile on his face.

Then he met you. A waitress at 79s, always kind, smiling  and always ready to make him and his brothers feel welcome. Make them all feel like actual human beings. You never treated them as nothing more than canon fodder or throw away human replicants, clones. To you they were all normal people with names and personalities. You even helped them find their own uniqueness and expres it at times, by painting their armor or figuring out what kind of tattoo would suit them. It blew him away when he first spoke to you and you just smiled at him with that bright and soft smile of yours. You grabbed his comp link as if it was his normal hand and dragged him to the dancefloor. Echo never thought he would ever dance with someone again, until you. He loved you there and then and it only became more, a deeper love and a deeper respect as well. From that moment on it was you and him. You helped him through his nightmares and his insecurities, helped him fight off the flashes of memories that sometimes came all of a sudden and would paralyze him in his tracks. You gave him his space when he needed to be on his own to work through his pain and personal hell, but always nearby when he needed to be caught after falling deep.

' Cause you see the shelter as the storm

Holding wind to keep you on,

You are everything to me, this is why I have to leave,

So sleep well my angel.

“Echo….. Don't leave me….” Four words, muttered in your sleep, but to Echo it was heartbreaking. You had felt something coming, realised that he was struggling more than ever before and even though he smiled and loved you as before, there was something different within. He kept a part of him hidden away from you and though you never said anything about it, you did know. Now, Echo was standing there, staring at the only person in the galaxy he loved more than life itself and he was drinking in your features for the last time. He had to go, you have sheltered him, acted as his shelter through all the storms raging in his mind, but now it was time to protect you from the last person he thought would be hurting you, himself.

Gently bending over you, Echo brushes a lock of hair behind your ear and softly brushes with his lips over yours. You sigh and a smile forms on your lips once more. As you automatically reach to the pillow next to you where he usually lays, Echo whispers. “Sleep well my angel.” One tear slowly falls down his cheek as he turns to leave the room and the only place he truly called home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Under the ash and the lies,

Something beautiful once here now dies,

And the tears burn my eyes,

As you sit there, all alone.

I just want to come home,

It had been several weeks since you last saw Echo. The only explanation you had for his sudden disappearance was a small note and a dried flower that he left on your desk.

Y/N,

I can never tell you how much you mean to me, how much you healed my heart. You stayed with me in the good times and when I went through my darkest moments. I love you more than I could ever say, that is why I had to leave. This is the only way to keep you from falling with me. My love for you is eternal, my wish for your happiness is the reason I ask you to think of me, not with hate but with the gentle smile you always have when thinking about the good times. Be happy my angel.

Always,

Echo

You kept the letter and the dried flower in a small wooden box in your desk. Sometimes you would look at it and cry, most times you tried your hardest to ignore the nagging feeling to take it out and hold it against your heart while in bed. At times you would just sit at your desk when memories flushed your mind and your tears fell without you even noticing it until much later. You would wonder why your cheeks were wet and then remember what it was you were thinking of. “Echo…” Just the mentioning of his name could be enough for you to be withdrawn all day and night, to stay in bed for hours or not get dressed and just sit on your couch as you blankly stare at a holo. Sometimes you would forget to eat and if it were not for your caf addiction, you would also forget to drink, but most times it was just the memory of pain and sadness, mixed with deep love and missing him that were ever present within you as you continued your daily life.

Now you were sitting at a table in a small diner somewhere on Coruscant. It was a nice and calm time to be there and you enjoyed those moments where you could calmly sip your caf, take a bite from your food and doodle away on a padd with the person sitting in front of you. “You know, it would help if you had a better picture of Numa. Now I can only guess the colour of her headdress.” Smiling, you look at the man in front of you when a shiver runs down your spine. You had those at times, at first you believed it was because Echo would be nearby and you would look around the place to find him. Then, when you realised he was never around, you just shrugged it off and moved on. Boil reached over the table and handed you a small piece of paper. “This is it Y/N, thanks for helping me out. I really want to have it on my armor.”

From a small distance. Echo was looking at you. Staring would be a better word to describe it. From the moment he left you behind with only his letter and small gift he felt terrible. His nightmares seemed to have gotten worse and not even his brothers were able to calm him anymore.

Hunter urged him to go back to you and finally talk to you, really talk to you, about everything he went through and still is. But, how could he explain to you that each time he would wake from his nightmares, he would be parazlyzed with fear? That he would see couples happily walk along the boardwalks, holding hands and smiling, dancing to music while in the back of his mind, he knew he was not all man and never enough of a man for you? How he saw you smile when you would see children play and he did not even know if he could ever make you a mother?

Tech would come with explanations as to why he felt this way, why his emotions were all over the place and even came with options for treatment, without having to report it to the doctors back at Kamino. If they were to find out how deep his emotions went, he would most likely be decommissioned or mind wiped. Neither were options to him, because they would mean losing you permanently. At Least now, he could still see you , even if it was from a distance and it pained him immensely.

Wrecker pulled him into a strong hug while he mentioned being his brother and always being there for him. That he could always find him if he needed to talk or wanted to vent by hitting him, or blowing something up. He might not seem like it, but Wrecker had many layers to him and the happy go lucky, destruction loving man was only the surface layer of him. He was always good at cheering up people and making them feel safe.

It was Crosshair that actually helped him decide what he truly wanted. “Just go to her and apologize. You wanna go home right? Stop being a coward and go home.” Flicking his toothpick at him while smirking, Crosshair walked off and left Echo at the diner where he saw you. Crosshair had brought him exactly where he needed to be and the moment he saw you, he knew, he did want to come home. And home is you.

Boil was happy with the work the two of you had done to his helmet. He finally had a small drawing of Numa on it that you helped him draw and color to honor the little sister he and Waxer had pretty much adopted back on Ryloth. Hugging you goodbye, he left with a grin and proudly pulled his helmet down over his head. Now you are back on your own again, ordering another caf. Suddenly a shadow falls over you.

When you look up, you stare into brown eyes, eyes that look at you with deep emotions of regret, fear and love.

“Echo….” Mouth open in amazement you see the man you missed for so long, you longed for and hated at the same time and who is now standing  in front of you. “What…? What are you doing here?” You don't know what to make of this, he left you with a letter and a dried flower as a goodbye and while his brothers did stay in touch as much as they could, he never contacted you again. The guys could not tell you exactly what had happened but you knew they did not agree with his actions either, though they would never tell you.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

I'm sorry

You see the shelter as the storm,

Holding wind to keep you on,

You are everything to me, this is why

“I`m sorry. I`m sorry,  I`m so sorry…..” A tear falls from his eye as he stares at you and his body seems to tremble. You look up at the love of your life as he keeps on apologizing to you, body shaking, head almost exploding with all the emotions that run through you. You do the only thing you can do, you grab his hand and pull him down to your level and kiss him. Full on the lips with the diner as your witness you kiss this man that has been the love of your life all along, who you knew was going through more than you would ever be able to fully understand.

Surprised by your actions, Echo returns your sudden kiss and pulls back. A watery smile forms as he grabs for a chair and sits down next to you. “I…. I don't know how to explain….”

You raise your hand and stop him from talking. “Echo, how could you think I wouldn't understand? I knew my love. The nightmares, the anger and how sometimes you just had to be on your own or with your brothers? I knew and I know.” Suddenly, to his great surprise, you punch him on the arm. “How could you think I wouldn't understand?! I hated you when you just left in the middle of the night! I mean…. I know why you did it, even if you hadn't explained in that letter, but you should have known I understood! You kriffing idiot!” Tears freely fall as you lash out lovingly and Echo quickly grabs you by the waist and pulls you into his arms. Sitting you on his lap, not paying any attention to the other guests of the diner he kisses you. Arms wrapped around you, your head tugged against his neck, you feel his lips brush your ear as he whispers, “I love you my angel. We`ll work through it, I`ll work through it. Always.”

The diner guests clap when they realise what had happened and outside, just out of sight, four men grin and high five as they walk off towards a well known bar to celebrate the happy ending for their brother.

@loth-wolffe @hellothere-generalangsty @reluctant-mandalore @nahoney22

[ateezmakemeweep]

you’re the one that i want (part 19)

word count: 6k

angst, fluff (tw: mentions of abuse)

(part 18) (series masterlist)

“either forget about everything for good this time or be with each other again.”

the words had rung in your head for the rest of the night, plopping down on your bed without even a second look from your parents as you thought over tomorrow's inevitable discussion with seonghwa.

you can convince yourself now that you don't wanna be with him after everything he's put you through, that the summer with him isn't worth it and maybe too much has happened now to revive it.

but truth be told, it doesn't even matter what you think to yourself right now.

because the second you see him, you know everything will crack the way it always does. your composure and will to resist him when you truthfully just miss his presence. 

his real presence.

his smile and his deep chuckle and the gentle way he'd hold and tease you. the boy that you know is in there somewhere, have even seen glimpses of in the way he looks at you, which is what makes this so hard.

because then if you forgive him that easily, it’s almost gonna excuse his behavior. make him think that he can continue to hide you away and keep you as someone he loves in the shadows. that this whole time, his behavior was okay and not that big of a deal.

but at the same time, you wanna be with him. you want to hold his hand and go on dates here and just be with him the way you were months ago. fall asleep to his hand stroking your hair and have him laugh at you when your cheeks flame in embarrassment.

you wanna feel him under you and kiss him until your lips are red and sore and your legs are shaking. you wanna feel loved and safe again because you haven’t since you’ve returned home that miserable day in august.

these thoughts keep you up well into the morning, contemplating your life while the dull ache in your wrist and searing bump on your head serve as a reminder of maybe why tomorrow could go so wrong.

cause yes, you love him and wanna forgive him but you also can’t help but see the irony in it all. he sees that you were hurt and now wants to step in meanwhile he’s been the one emotionally killing you since you first saw him again.

what makes this any different? because it’s physical? because it’s not him making you cry? because now he feels bad that you’re in obvious turmoil? your head’s starting to pound now, getting more and more worked up and confused as the night sky vanishes.

you think you sleep for maybe 45 minutes before your alarm starts blaring, rolling over in bed with a tiny groan as your temples ache.

you wince when you push yourself up and feel pain shoot through your wrist, rubbing at the red slightly swollen skin. you’re grateful for the cold fall weather coming in so it’ll be in no way suspicious when you wear a long-sleeved sweater that falls passed your hands.

the walk to school is almost unbearable, your eyes nearly shutting and feet shuffling tiredly as you grow more and more desperate to sit down; you won’t be surprised in the slightest if you pass out right on your homeroom desk.

though that’d be quite challenging you soon discover, given the loud commotion of wooyoung and the other boys behind you.

“i just don’t know why you’re such a fuckin’ weirdo about it. everyone knows you and san used to be best friends, no one is saying that-”

“yeah, we used to be friends and we’re not anymore. so what the fuck’s your point?”

the conversation immediately grabs your attention, perking your head up even with the exhaustion wracking through you because this isn’t gonna end well; you already feel it inside you.

“shiit, why are you getting so defensive,” yeosang asks, throwing his hands up as his friend all but attacks him; he just off handedly mentioned he saw him and san talking at the party and got met with curses and growls.

“because we dropped him. why even mention the little fuck?”

“why talk to him at the party?” yeosang counters, his eyebrow raised at the way wooyoung grows more and more defensive. “and why attack me now when i’m just asking you a question?”

“why bring up the little pussy when i didn’t even talk to him? you know he tries to harass the shit out of me but i-”

“shut up.”

you can’t even stop yourself from blurting the words out, turning around boldly and seeing all of them looking at you in surprise - minus seonghwa, who hadn’t arrived yet. the dark haired boy laughs upon seeing you face him, making a show of looking side to side like he’s trying to figure out who exactly you’re addressing.

“baby girl, i know you’re not talking to me,” wooyoung laughs out, his eyes wide and brow raised.

“baby boy, who else would i be talking to?”

mingi and yeosang snort at your uncharacteristic snark, both of them sitting back and watching in amusement because maybe that’s why seonghwa likes you so much. submissive most of the time but with just enough spunk and sassiness to be impressed by.

“even if you’re not friends with him anymore, you shouldn’t talk badly about him,” you continue, trying your best to stay even and calm. “he doesn’t talk badly about you, even though he very well could.”

wooyoung’s demeanor doesn’t change but you see something cross his eyes, worry or panic at the thought that you might know something more about him and the boy’s relationship. that you’re about to expose it right in front of his friends and blow up his spot.

but apparently his need to look cool outweighs his fears, something that seems to be a common theme with these teenage boys. his body leans in closer, his eyes peeking up at you with amusement.

“he could? and why’s that? because i ignore him?”

your eyes narrow at his sarcasm and you lick at your lips, cocking your head to the side because if he wants to be mean, you’ll be mean back. what do you have to lose at this point? 

you’re already bruised and sore and anticipating an emotional breakdown today. why not risk getting hurt or berated, why does it all really matter anymore?

“because you act one way with him alone and then another in front of your friends.”

“ahh and that’s something you’re quite familiar with, right?” wooyoung counters, the shit eating grin and condescending tone you just know was solely meant to hurt you; and even though it stings, you’re able to shake it off and nod your head.

"yeah, that’s right,” you say as you nod your head. 

but then you lean in closer and drop your voice, the bags under your eyes catching wooyoung’s attention before your words make him freeze. 

“but i also know you’re quite familiar with summer romances, just like me. so what was that like?”

you can feel the air shift at the word romance, wooyoung stiffening and letting out a sharp exhale as he places his hand on the back of your chair.

“you don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about,” wooyoung growls, his eyes narrowed at you.

“oh no?” you hum, the patronizing tone of your voice so unfamiliar you almost don’t recognize yourself. but you’re just so done with today and it barely even stared.

you’re so done with people hurting you and the people you care about because they’re overly concerned about what others think. that they can’t let their guards down and spare their ‘cool’ image for a person they claim to care about.

“no,” wooyoung snaps, his voice low and deep and intimidating. but you’re so completely unfazed, he’s almost unnerved by it.

“the same way i don’t know that you did talk to him at that party? because you really hurt him, wooyoung,” you tell him lowly, the boy feeling his stomach sink as he thinks back to his drunken rant to the blonde that night of the party.

he really has been treating him unfairly, and he knows it too. 

san just wants for them to be friends; not even friends, merely acquaintances, so they don’t have to keep hanging out secretly at night or on weekends. he’s told him a hundred times how it makes him feel like they’re doing something wrong and isn’t truly wanted by him, even though they both know that isn’t the case at all.

but when all of his friends decided to stop hanging out with san, he didn’t wanna be dropped too. he didn’t wanna lose them for good because he knew him and san would never stop being friends. he knew both of them would never be able to stay away from each other and they’d be brought back together in a few weeks time.

he needed san but he also needed them. he needed people to ground him and keep him level headed. because san just completely consumes him and turns him into a different person, someone weak and vulnerable and someone he doesn’t wanna be.

that’s why when the blonde had quietly suggested to start hanging out together at lunch with you and him that night, his voice soft and sweet and tugging at wooyoung’s heart, his first reaction was a loud “do you really think we could do that?”

but then when san let out a scoff and shook his head, pushing past him with a dejected, “i guess not,” he pulled the boy back and gave him all the usual excuses he knows aren’t fair and aren’t gonna work much longer. 

he held him a bit too tight and a bit too long and a bit too close to be considered friendly, the same way all of their touches have been since the summer that still remains his favorite.

“that’s between me and him so i don’t see why you’re saying this shit right now, y/n. you’re in no position to-”

“san’s my friend and you’re hurting him because you’re the pussy here. so maybe you should grow a pair and stop making the boy you lo-”

and it’s when you’re about to say love that he slams his hand on the table before shooting out of his seat.

seonghwa comes in just as the loud commotion starts, his eyes immediately falling to wooyoung who pulls at your wrist and growls at you to come with him.

but he can only hear your loud strangled yelp and immediately sees red, already growing angry at the way wooyoung was hovering over you. but then once that pained noise left you and his friend’s hands were you, he couldn’t stop the way he rushed over and roughly pushed the boy back on the desk.

seonghwa stood between you and him, everything about his stance protective and alert, with wooyoung flat out on the desk behind him as his eyes burned into him.

the clattering of desks and scuffles of feet immediately cause nosy heads to shoot around and stare, a few gasps leaving their mouths as mingi and yeosang mumble a few curses and jump up.

but it’s like seonghwa doesn’t even notice anything, his eyes only on wooyoung as he tugs the boy up by his shirt; none of his friends have ever seen him look this mad before, jaw clenched and eyes hard as he tightens in his hold on him.

“are you fucking crazy, wooyoung?”

“am i crazy? you’re the one choking me!”

“if i’m choking you, then why the fuck are you still talking?” he growls lowly, tightening his hold on the boy’s collar.

you tug on seonghwa’s shirt but he only continues to look down at wooyoung, the boy fighting against his friend’s hold and deeply mumbled threats as he tells him to get off him. 

it’s not until mingi and yeosang push seonghwa back that he feels his shirt being pulled, turning around to see you shaking your head at him.

“it’s fine,” you say softly, eyes brimming with tears because your wrist is absolutely fucking killing you now. seonghwa immediately looks down at your arm and you thank god it’s hidden in your shirt, the boy walking around the desk to kneel beside you.

“let me see.”

“it’s fine, i’m fine,” you say quickly, blinking away the tears as you shake your head and give him a small smile. “he just scared me.”

“y/n, if you lie to me one more fucking time this week, i’m gonna-”

“he didn’t do it.”

his eyes widen at your admission and you don’t realize what you’ve implied until you see the look on his face, a defeated sigh leaving you because this is so not the way you wanted this conversation to go today. you’re exhausted and in pain and in front of far too many people to deal with this right now.

the clacking of heels sends relief through your body, the mess of desks and students staring at the back of the room causing the teacher’s eyebrow to raise.

“good morning to you all too, thank you, i’m doing well,” she says sarcastically, her eyes roaming the back of the room. her gaze lands on wooyoung’s crumpled shirt and seonghwa leaning down in front of you, a quiet hum leaving her mouth before she asks if everything is okay.

“fine, teach, seonghwa was just being his crazy self,” wooyoung says teasingly, a wide smile on his otherwise pissed off face. “did you know him and y/n are friends?”

you press your lips together so you don’t scream, just hearing the smirk on his face as seonghwa lets out a low scoff. you move your body away from him and sit straight ahead, putting your head down and letting out a few calming breaths so you don’t succumb to the many different sensations attempting to render you unconscious.

you knew this day was gonna be a disaster but you certainly didn’t expect it to start this early. you hear seonghwa say you’re gonna talk about it later and can only let out a sigh, knowing there’s gonna be a lot of things you’ll talk about later.

things you didn’t think you were ever gonna tell anyone but will be the first step in healing you. things that will make the storm that’s been brewing between you two peak before months of resisting and suppressed feelings finally catch up to the both of you.

by the middle of your shift at the cafe, you’re almost positive you’re dead on your feet.

san was concerned the second he saw you walk into the lunch room, your face pale and eyes sunken with dark circles that made him actually gasp upon seeing you. and he watched as they only got worse throughout the day, right now genuinely fearing for your health.

“y/n, it’s dead today. just go home, please.”

but you only shake your head as you take your spot on the counter, pushing down the feeling of knowing he’s absolutely right. 

because just as school let out, dark stormy clouds rolled in and it hasn’t stopped raining ever since; it seemed to perfectly fit the mood of today, dark and dreary with an underlying feeling of fear.

“i’m fine, san, i don’t wanna go home.”

the blonde let out a sigh at your stubbornness, making his way over to you as he stood between your legs. he took your face in his hands and the gentle feeling alone almost makes your eyes grow heavy, him twisting your head side to side before grimacing at your dark circles.

“babe....you look like shit.”

“thanks,” you breathe out, not even having the energy to roll your eyes or let out a scornful laugh. so san can only let out groan, squeezing your face gently even though he just wants to shake you in frustration before the ding of the oven pulls him away.

your eyes move to clock on the wall to see it’s barely 5:30, a pout on your face as you lean your head back and shut your eyes. they feel like a thousand pounds and the pain in your wrist hasn’t simmered, the immense need to just lay down and sleep forever overwhelming.

but you won’t leave san alone today and you don’t wanna go home. you don’t wanna face that house in this state because you know you’ll get snippy and it’s only gonna end badly for you.

the sound of the door causes your eyes to flutter open, your eyes adjusting to the lights before it’s like a shot of energy zips through you. 

the tall figure is in a big black hoodie but you just know it’s covering up dirty blonde hair. the boy makes his way to you and raises his head, the familiar eyes you’ve come to love and hate watching you sit there looking lifeless and pale.

“where’s san?”

“in the back,” you answer quietly. “what do you want? your chocolate vanilla-”

“i want you to come with me. we agreed to talk.”

your eyebrows pull together at his bossy tone, the serious look on his face making it seem very unlikely you’re getting out of this. but that’s just too bad because you refuse to leave early, that’s not fair and you can’t just-

“hey, seonghwa.”

san walks over and it’s like they can instantly see the concern in each other’s eyes, seonghwa looking from you to him before san simply shrugs his shoulders.

“what time’s her shift over?”

“why are you asking him when i’m right here,” you grumble, seonghwa’s lips twitching like he wants to smirk at your sassiness. san bites his lip as he looks at you, very well knowing that you need to get out of here and get some rest.

but is going with seonghwa the right choice? he knows that can easily turn into another emotionally draining fight. last week this wouldn’t have been a problem for him, he would’ve easily told his ex-friend to fuck off and that you were working till close.

but he could tell since yesterday that something was very off.

seonghwa’s concerned gaze and strange comments about your injuries, the way you looked so small and defenseless when he talked to you outside. this was different than seonghwa feeling possessive and wanting to claim you as his. there was a different kind of look in his eye - protective and concerned and almost fearful.

he lets out a sigh, giving the taller boy a look that screams ‘don’t fuck this up’ before he opens his mouth to say “right now.”

your neck snaps over to the blonde and you narrow your eyes at him as you shake your head. “no it’s not. i work till close today, what the hell san.”

“you look awful, y/n, please,” he begs softly, making his way over to you with a sad smile on his face. “everything’s under control here and if you pass out and crack your head open on the floor i just mopped, i’m gonna be really annoyed.”

seonghwa’s eyes narrow while you let out the closest thing you can to a laugh, rolling your eyes as you jump down from the counter. “i’m fine, i’m not gonna pass out,” you say, attempting to take the desserts from his hand. “so i’m gonna stay until closing and-”

the second you curl your wrist to bring the tray into you, you hiss in pain through your teeth and nearly drop the fresh cookies if san hadn’t caught them immediately. his eyes stare down at you with an intensity you’ve never seen before, his head shaking as he places the tray on the counter behind him.

he unties the apron around your neck while looking down at your hand in confusion. “did something happen to your wrist?”

you press your lips together so you don’t blurt something out again, looking over at seonghwa who’s jaw is tight and eyes are burning; he’s trying to be patient but fuck are you making it impossible right now. especially when you’re so obviously in pain and upset and trying to ignore everything the way you’ve both been for far too long.

“y/n, c’mon,” he breaths lowly, everything about his tone warning and dark.

“no,” you snap, looking over to see him watching you carefully. his tongue pokes the inside of his cheek before he shakes his head and shrugs. you feel your heart drop to your stomach when he, like he absolutely belongs there, walks behind the counter and pulls the hand attached to your uninjured wrist.

“seonghwa, if you manhandle me, i’m gonna-”

“what? what are you gonna do?” he growls lowly in your ear, tightening his hold on your hand. “i’ve had enough of this shit, y/n.” he’s had enough of him being a coward and you being sad, he’s had enough of the back and forth and hearing you cry and fight with him.

he’s had enough of knowing that you’re being hurt by him and other people in your life and he’s not about to watch it happen any longer. so with that, he drags you outside to his car and helps you up into the familiar passenger seat.

“you are such an asshole,” you snap, all the anger and rage and sadness in your body hitting you like a brick. “all because you’ve finally had enough, you think you can drag me out of work and-”

“baby, please,” he begs lowly, his head dipped into the car so he’s only inches away from your face and not getting pelted with rain. “i know something’s wrong and it’s killing me. it’s been fucking killing me and i’m trying here, okay? i just...i don’t know what to do.”

you’re thrown off by the desperation in his deep tone, his eyes begging and pleading with you to listen to him. to please, just one last time, listen to him and remember that he promised he was gonna be here for you. that he promised if you ever needed him, you had him.

“it doesn’t matter,” you whine, the chaos of emotions inside you giving you whiplash. you shake your head as tears prick your eyes, tears of sadness and frustration and anger and pain. “it doesn’t even matter so just stop. you don’t have to do anything because it doesn’t matter.”

but because that could’t be further from the truth, he shakes his head and slams the door before making his way to the drivers seat.

san can only watch from the window as the car pulls away, his head in his hands as he lets out a sigh. he hopes that was the right decision, he hopes he didn’t just make things a hundred times worse for you.

but then it appears, twenty minutes later, when the door of the cafe opens, your absence might be making things worse for him. because his eyes shoot up and he meets the gaze of the person he least wanted to see today, especially given the last time they saw each other.

“what are you doing here, wooyoung?”

“what am i doing here?” you whisper, safely assuming he just kidnapped you and brought you straight to his house.

you pull up to the unfamiliar bungalow as you sit inside seonghwa’s car, the memories from the first time you were in here already breaking you down. 

you were reminded of them the second he slammed the door, the smell and the dark leather and the little air freshener hanging from the mirror; the only thing different about it was that the doors were on now.

“this is cool,” you tell him with a smile. he smirks watching your arm whip through the air, his deep voice mumbling “careful,” when a car in the other lane speeds past.

“i didn’t know you drove, i only ever saw you with your surfboard,” you tease with a smile, giggling when he rolls his eyes and looks at you.

“that’s interesting since someone’s taken it over,” he says, chuckling when you reach out and smack his arm lightly.

“you’re the one who said i shouldn’t get one,” you whined, the pout on your face catching his eye as he sends a soft smile your way.

seonghwa licks over his lips, turning off the car before facing you. 

you hadn’t said a word to him during the ten minute drive, resting your head back on the seat as you played with your fingers. he just wanted to reach over and take your hand in his, soothingly run his thumb over you to ease your obvious anxiety.

“i just wanna talk, baby.”

“and we can’t do it another day?” you ask, wanting so desperately to fight him but feeling yourself crack. you’ve been dealing with this for too long, keeping this secret and pain inside for too long and with the way he’s looking at you, you won’t be able to hold it off any longer.

“no,” he says quietly, firmly, with a sense of finality as he turns off the car and gets out the drivers side. you sigh as you watch him make his way to you, opening the door and helping you down before guiding you into his house.

no one appears to be home and it’s sparsely decorated, the white walls bare as you walk past the living area and up the stairs in defeat. seonghwa’s room is shockingly similar to the room at his mom’s, neat and orderly with a white comforter you almost can’t believe is in a teenage boy’s room.

you watch from the doorway as he plops down on his bed, his head in his hands as he runs it through his hair; the brighter tones of blonde have faded a bit from lack of the summer sun but he’s still so handsome.

he still makes your heart flutter and stomach flip after all of this, remembering how in the beginning, you could barely look at him without blushing.

but things aren’t like that anymore. 

things haven’t been carefree and fun and sweet for a while, the innocence that came with the summer morphing into something serious and heart wrenching. something that put you guys to the test to see if everything that had had happened was real and you failed.

you love him and he loves you but you both still managed to fail.

the thought brings tears to your heavy eyes, biting down on your lip as you try to blink them away. he looks up and sees you standing there, eyes full of tears and a broken expression that causes him to reach his arm out to you.

“come here.”

“no,” you say, shaking your head as your lower lip starts to wobble. 

you can’t do this. how are you supposed to do this? finally tell someone what’s been happening to you for years, nevertheless someone who’s also been hurting you; granted in a different way but he still hurt you.

he still abandoned you when you needed him, when he said he was gonna be there for you and help you through whatever you needed; and now, months later, you’re supposed to trust him with this?

“baby, i need to know.”

you swallow the lump in your throat as your stomach starts to knot, shaking your head again as you meet his gaze. but the softness and concern in them proves to be too much, biting your lip as you finally move from the doorway.

you walk past his bed and to the corner where a desk is, silently walking around and taking in his room. you’re not surprised by the lack of photos or decor, a computer resting on the desk with a lamp beside it.

and it’s like everything seems to have a place here. the computer, the mouse, the lamp, the small cup of pencils on the side, the-

“so you did get something,” is all he says, looking up to see a shy look on your pink face. you choke out a laugh as you nod your head, “sneaky, right?”

a chuckle leaves his mouth as he nods his head, looking over the turtle’s smiling face and he hates how overpriced this probably was.

but he can’t bring himself to say anything negative, not with how you look like a mix of being proud but also on the verge of a nervous breakdown. “wasn’t necessary,” he mumbles, shaking his head but keeping the turtle tight in his hold anyway.

“it was, i-i wanted to,” you tell him, “especially since you were nice enough to-”

“y/n! who’s your handsome friend! does he wanna stay for dinner?”

and it seems like the stupidest thing to make the tears finally break but it does just the trick. because one second you’re standing up and looking at his desk and then the next, your face is in your hands and you’re sobbing over a $20 figurine of a surfing turtle.

it’s just placed right there on his desk but it’s the only sign of decor in this room that doesn’t have a purpose. like it’s the only thing he possessed that had meaning and was a gift from someone, the only thing that meant enough for him to showcase and keep as a memory.

your heart feels like it’s breaking and healing at the same time over this stupid fucking turtle that you don’t even hear him get up until you feel his arms around your waist, his head leaned down to press a kiss against your shoulder and hum lowly against your skin.

“i didn’t tell you at the time but i thought you were so fucking cute,” you hear him say, a humorless laugh leaving him as he listens to you cry and remembers that night so well. “i was pissed you wasted your money on it but you were so god damn nervous to give me a little turtle that i couldn’t say anything.”

you lick at your lips as look at your floor as you shake your head, your exhausted body wracking with quiet cries and sobs before he can’t take it anymore. before he turns you around and brings you into his chest, wraps his arms around you tightly and shushes you against your head.

you try to push him away at first but he only tightens his hold, his voice low and shaky as he begs you to stop crying. kisses the side of her head and apologies for how many times you’ve cried within these past few months, how many times he’s made you cry.

“and i’m sorry i wasn’t there for you the way i promised,” he says quietly, your face pressed into his chest as you feel your tears soak his shirt. “but i will now, baby. the whole fucking time. you just need to tell me what happened.”

“what’s so different now?” you ask weakly, pulling back from him as you wipe at your teary, wet face. “what the fuck is so different now that this time you’re telling the truth?”

his adams apple bobs before he lets out an exhale, his hands softly cupping your face to wipe at your tears. “because someone’s hurting you, y/n. someone’s been hurting you this whole time and no one’s doing anything about it.”

“you’ve been hurting me too,” you remind him, tears leaking from your eyes as you look him dead in the face. ”you were supposed to help me. you-you said were gonna.” 

and for the first time since you’ve met him, you watch as his eyes well up with tears.

“i know,” he says, “i’ve been fucking stupid and i’m sorry. but i love you, baby, i do. i just...it killed me leaving you. i drove away from your aunt’s house and cried for the first time since i was kid. that scared the fucking shit out of me, y/n, and then i saw you again and i couldn’t....”

he shakes his head because nothing is gonna make what he did sound okay. 

he was stupid and selfish and acted like an idiotic teenage boy who didn’t wanna be called whipped or a pussy. he thought he was guarding himself from others while also sparing you both: you from himself and him from being vulnerable.

but every shred of vulnerability and emotion came to him the second he told he loved you, something that through all of this was always the truth.

“nothing i say is gonna make it okay and i know that. but please. let me help you now,” he says softly, his hand wiping at the tear on your cheek before moving to the bump on your head. 

you wince when he touches the sore skin before his other hand gently moves to your arm, lifting up your sweater and feeling rage rip through his chest when he sees it’s swollen and bruised.

and seeing that is what causes him to completely lose it now, pulling you into him again before burying his face in the crook of your neck. 

you only feel a few stray tears of his hit your neck but it doesn’t stop you from crying too. hearing his quiet pleas to tell him what happened, to please tell him and that no one’s ever gonna hurt you again.

not him or anyone else.

he brings you to sit down on the bed, your tear-stained face mirroring his and you’d wanna laugh at this situation if it wasn’t so heavy. if both your hearts weren’t so heavy and you didn’t feel like you were about to pass out.

but seonghwa held your hand the whole time, just sat there and breathed with you until you finally uttered “my parents.” and it’s like just those two simple words set off something inside you, tears blurring your vision as you tell him about the morning this happened and many other mornings and nights similar.

about your dad’s drinking and mom’s pills and the way they’ll gang up on you. how a lot of the times it’s usually verbally but when they do get physical, it always leaves marks. the words make seonghwa growl or tense every time you mention it, his eyes watching you talk so carefully it would intimidate you if it was anyone else.

“why didn’t you tell me?” he asks, trying so hard to keep the anger out of his voice as he remembers that day in the summer so well. when he saw your parents and saw the change in you and felt something heavy settle into his chest. “i asked you, baby, i asked if you were safe at home and-”

he can’t even finish the sentence because he doesn’t wanna make it sound like he’s blaming you but fuck. he never would’ve let you leave your aunt’s house if you told him you weren’t. he’s even blaming himself right now because he did think there was the slightest chance you were unsafe there and still let you go.

“i was scared,” you tell him honestly, voice shaky and quiet because if you’d never met him, you probably wouldn’t have told anyone what was happening. would’ve lived out the next two years before never seeing them again and commending yourself for getting through it alone.

“i-i didn’t wanna bother anyone by telling them that and have them pity me. my aunt would probably let me stay with her and i didn’t... i don’t wanna burden her like that.”

his arm tightens around you as he brings you closer to him, your head on his chest as you finally allow yourself to completely melt into him. it’s still such a familiar feeling, the way your body calms against his and you inhale his scent.

“you aren’t a burden to anyone, she would want to help you, baby,” he hums against your head. he can’t help but the think back to his conversation with her the night before you left, when he straight up asked her about this very scenario.

it makes his stomach sink even more now, the whole situation shitty and eerie and making him feel incredibly guilty.

“you’re not going back there.”

and usually those words would have you jump up with wide eyes, ask where you’re supposed to go and how you’re gonna deal with these consequences. but at this very moment, your eyes are heavy and he’s so warm and close and you just wanna succumb to your exhaustion.

because it also feels as if some weight was lifted. 

not completely, because you still know there’s a lot to deal with, but at least you said the words. at least someone finally knows you aren’t just a clumsy idiot who walks into cabinets and walls.

you can only hum into his chest as you bury your face further, your eyes heavy before they shut completely. he looks down and smiles sadly when he moves a piece of your hair, his thumb reaching out to swipe the dark circle under your eye.

“i love you and i’m sorry,” he says lowly, your eyes fluttering open to see him looking down at you. you smile at the softness in his once teary eyes, resting your arm around his waist before placing your head back on his chest. 

“i’m gonna help you, okay? i won’t stop until you’re safe.” help you the way he knows he should’ve been this whole time, made you feel safe and loved the way he said he would this whole time.

“safe now,” you mumble tiredly, your eyes growing more and more heavy before you finally succumb to your exhaustion.

he watches you sleep for the next few hours, unable to look away in fear that you’re gonna disappear. he’s been wracking his brain about what to do the whole time, an occasional whine or twitch from you causing him to hum lowly and stroke your hair.

he managed to maneuver the both of you under the blanket, your body curled into his before you rolled over in your sleep and rested your head on his pillow. 

he stretches his numb arms out and sighs heavily, grateful for the text from his dad that he’d be working late tonight; he knows the man wouldn’t care about you staying over but he still wants this time just with you, even if you’re sleeping.

your phone vibrating on his desk causes him to walk over quietly, seeing three messages from san and a missed call from your dad. it takes everything in him not to call back and curse the man out, tension all over his body as he thinks about how badly he wants to beat the shit out of him.

but knowing that wouldn’t fix anything, at least for tonight, he closes out of your dad’s contact and looks for your aunts, pressing a kiss to your head before sneaking out of his room; the phone only rings four times before he hears the familiar chipper voice.

“y/n, my girl! how are you?”

“it’s seonghwa,” he says and it’s like immediately, something in her knows something’s wrong. whether it be her intuition that failed you or the tone of the boy’s voice, she listens with tears in her eyes as seonghwa tells her they have to get you away from your parents.

(part 20)

tag list: @chogiout ; @psshwa @yeocult ; @seongghwaa ; @cherryeonii ; @chaoticbanqtan ; @8teenee ; @nczenniez ; @atinyarmyx1 ; @mingtopiaa ; @chubsluda ; @joongiebug ; @mochibabycakes ; @jisungity ; @skz-on-my-mind ; @nlost21 ; @myonlyaurora ; @closer-stars​ ; @kuaenam3g​ ; @byungaji​ ; @floweryjh​ ; @joeycheungg​ ; @lostscenarios​ ; @atinyxtopia​ ; @sanisms​ ; @kpopnightingale​ ; @simpforhyunjin​ ; @89staytinyzen21​ ; @lokicaramel​ ; @hwaxbum​ ; @sakura-uji​ ; @songsoomin​ ; @toffee-hwa​ ; @deobitiful​ ; @hyunjeansuniverse​ ; @clown-teez​ ; @i-know-you-know-lee-know​ ; @tiny-whatsername​ ; @fairieofeternity​ ; @yixing-jaehyun​ ; @sleepyseonghwa​ ; @revehosh​ ; @atletino​ ; 

[sapphic-yearning-lesbian]

This is chapter two (Chapter one)

Nurse Namaari struggles with the idea of visiting her past patient Raya, but caves.

Warnings: Brief mentions of addiction, and survivor’s guilt. 

Word Count: 2533

--

Three days later

Namaari was sitting in her office writing reports when she heard a knock on the door. "Come in," She said as the door slowly opened.

"Hello, It's Sisu; I'm a Psych nurse, we've seen each other multiple times around the ER, but you officially meet me while I was comforting Raya, a past patient of yours. Could I possibly speak with you?" Sisu confidently states while poking her head through the crack of the door.

Namaari raised an eyebrow, shocked to see Sisu at her door. Nevertheless, she nodded. How could she forget that day? Raya's pale body...Sisu's screams...

Snap out of it!

Because of Hippa, Namaari was not allowed to check on Raya. Once a patient leaves the ER, they are no longer her patients, and she has no say in their care, and nine times out of ten, she'll never know if they survived. "Of course. Come take a seat," She finally answers as she motions with her hands that Sisu sits across from her.

Sisu nervously walks over to the chair, sitting down. She looks at a Namaari whose eyes are locked on her purple ones. She chuckles. "This isn't me talking to a coworker, okay. This is me talking to my friend about another friend." Sisu states as she watches Namaari's eyebrows raise before she nods yes, "Raya is in the cardiovascular/pulmonary unit. She survived the emergency surgery! She's still recovering, but she has made it clear she wants the gorgeous nurse that saved her life to visit her."

Namaari was extremely relieved but also confused. "Wait, what? She isn't your girlfriend?" Namaari asked as Sisu's face turned bright red, and she burst out in laughter.

"Hahaha, no! We dated for like a week during nursing school, but we never clicked romantically; We've been best friends ever since tho." Sisu managed to say between her laughter. Once she was able to control herself, she continued talking, "Anyways, she is in the J6 unit in the room: J601," Sisu says with a smirk before standing up from the chair; walking to the door, before stopping to say, "If you visit her, don't do it as a nurse. She's not looking for another member of her health care team. She wants to get to know the YOU who isn't a nurse." With that said, Sisu walks out, closing the door behind her.

Namaari sits at her desk, even more confused. She leans into her chair, thinking for a moment. She really found this girl alluring in every sense, but how was she supposed to chase after a girl she talked to for two minutes before she practically died in her arms. Not practically! She did die!

Maybe that's the reason.

What a great love story would it be...

When Namaari finished her shift three days ago, she broke down: She hadn't cried like that in years! She does remember crying somewhat similarly when she lost her first patient five years ago, but it was a different kind of sadness.

The truth is death was something Namaari had grown accustomed to. Of course, she felt emotional distress when a patient died, but when Raya flatlined; It shattered her.

She often found herself running through the event over and over in her head, trying to pinpoint how she didn't realize the gasps for air between Raya's flirting, where she struggled to breathe.

She should have seen the signs.

She should have realized Raya's heart was straining itself to keep her alive; that's why her blood pressure and pulse skyrocketed before they plummeted.

No matter how many times she runs the scenario in her head, she always blames herself.

When in reality, Namaari is excellent at her job. She has ample experience and education.

Yes, Raya's smile ultimately left her defenseless, but Namaari stood her ground.

Yes, Namaari's heart was fluttering for her patient, but she still put those feelings aside to save her life. Maybe she should stop scolding herself and accept that life is unpredictable.

And one thing holds true: Namaari felt immense attraction for Raya, but she still acted professionally.

Namaari blinked a few times, trying to pull herself out of her thoughts before bringing her hands up to her face, gently rubbing circles into her temples. "What has she done to you?". She asked herself as she laughed and looked at the time; 4 PM, her shift will be over in three hours. After her shift finishes, she'll shower quickly in the staff showers and change into clean scrubs. She scoffs when she realizes she'll have to wear blueberry-colored scrubs; that's the only colored scrubs the hospital provides.

The hospital has their staff color-coded, adult nurses wear grey scrubs, child nurses wear pink, x-ray technicians wear black, pharmacists and phlebotomists wear light blue, nursing assistants wear burgundy, and surgical residents wear blueberry-colored scrubs. Actually, most residents wear blueberry scrubs, but most commonly, you'll see surgical residents marching around the hospital in their blueberry scrubs.

--

"OWW OWW OWWW," Raya screams as a surgical resident removes the chest tube that was once allowing the excess air pooled in her chest cavity to escape her body, caused by her collapsed lung. It was no longer needed as the punched lung was fixed during her emergency surgery; they should have taken it out before but hadn't, fearing her lung could collapse again.

Raya felt utterly stupid. She was an extraordinary nurse, and she knew the signs of a collapsed lung, pneumothorax, but she ignored them.

If she thinks back to that day in the ER, she can vividly remember her chest burning in pain; shortness of breath, lightheadedness, an elevated pulse, and finally, the icing on the cake, her left shoulder hurt: All tale signs that her broken rib punctured her lung. Yet, she chose to ignore the warnings.

At least now, she can fully understand the power of adrenaline on someone's mind and body. It can genuinely make you believe that severe pain is minimal and that you'll be okay.

"Sorry, Ms.Hart. Do you want me to press on your magic pain button" The resident stated, causing Raya to stare back at them with frowning eyebrows before nodding no.

Raya was given a medicine button she can press for narcotics every so often, but she was trying not to press the button unless she really needed to. She knows firsthand how quickly people can get addicted to those meds.

The resident chuckled. "Sorry, I forgot you're a nurse, and I don't need to call it a magic button." Raya faked a smile before chuckling. She wasn't trying to be mean at all, but she hated being on the other side. Raya loved being the nurse, and suddenly she's the patient.

The resident smiled once more before excusing themselves out.

"You can stop fake smiling now," Sisu said.

She was curled up on a couch against the window. She had her eyes closed as she was sleeping. "Ughhh, I'm going to be late to my shift," She said, opening her eyes, noticing the clock on the wall before standing up from the couch, where she stretched before smiling. "Nightshift is the bestttt" She joked as she folded the sheets she was using to sleep.

"You must be exhausted! You haven't left the hospital in three days because of your back and forth from your shifts to watching me!! Go home, sleep in your own bed, and shower with shampoo that actually cleans your hair because your hair looks a mess right now." Raya sighed as she sat up in the bed, looking at Sisu with pleading eyes.

"You're my best friend, Raya!" Sisu stated as she finished folding the sheets and turned to look at Raya with tears beginning to pool in her eyes. "You dead...I watched you die." She exhaled as solo tears escaped her eyes; she quickly wiped them away with her thumbs.

Raya was looking at Sisu with sorrow and regret. She knew getting into a fight with Tong was stupid, and they didn't mean to injure each other terribly, but somehow they did. However, she knew she couldn't keep this conversation going as Sisu had 10 minutes to get to the psych department for her shift. So instead, she smiled and raised an eyebrow. "Note to self! Never die again." This statement caused Sisu to chuckle as she picked up her overnight bag; that holds her clean scrubs.

Sisu quickly walks over to Raya, side hugging her gently to not hurt her before pressing a quick kiss on her cheek. "I got to go. If anything happens, please call my office, okay! I MEAN IT." She stated firmly before running out the door.

Raya sighed before she burst out in tears. She had been playing strong for Sisu, but she was in shock. She was sure her best friend knew, but Raya really wasn't ready to talk about it. Raya knew deep down that she was having survives guilt, an overpowering and almost dominating emotion.

Her tears soon became sobs, and she felt her body begin to shake. She knew it was a panic attack, so she began to take deep breaths to calm herself.

Eventually, the trembling stopped while her tears persisted; her body was weakened by the energy needed to cry. She was also physically distressed now as each sob caused a painful sting to travel up her spine.

So she finally pressed her medicine button.

As time went by, her tears lessened, and her pain was managed. Soon enough, she found herself drifting off to sleep.

--

"You're the girlfriend?" Some unknown voice asked.

"Yeah, sure." She heard Namaari's voice hesitantly answer. "I've been in here for an hour, and she just doesn't wake up. Is everything okay?"

The other voice hummed as the conversation amused her. "I'm looking at her patient chart, and it only says to release personal information to Sisudatu." The unknown voice said,  probably her night nurse. "HIPPA Man. I wanna help you, but--"

"Yea, I know. It was worth a try, though." Namaari answered, sighing.

"She's just tired. Look closely at her face; maybe you can figure out why she is so exhausted--ANYWAY, press on the call light if you need anything, or poke your head outside the door. Great to meet you...girlfriend Namaari." The nurse chuckled; it was clear she didn't believe that.

Raya so badly wanted to open her eyelids, but they felt so heavy. She tried to speak, but she was too tired to make words. So as she heard Namaari sit on the chair next to her bed, gently grabbing her call button (that's also a tv remote), turning it on. With the very little energy she had, she smiled as she drifted to sleep once again.

--

Nammari woke up curled up in a chair. She looked to her left, seeing a snoring Raya in her patient bed. She smiled, noticing the puffy eyes were gone.

When she came in yesterday around eight pm, she found Raya passed out with red puffy eyes. Tears had stained her cheeks, and her eyebrows frowned. Namaari knew she probably cried herself to sleep before she got there; she even tried to confirm it with her night nurse but to no avail. She yawned as she brought her left hand up to her eye level to look at her watch. 7:30 AM.

She lightly rubbed her tired eyes as someone burst into the room. She removed her hands from her eyes, spotting a very tired Sisu pulling the curtain open. Once Sisu noticed her, a wide smile spread on her face; she turned and noticed Raya was sleeping, so she whispered, "Hey, Namaari. Great to see you! Did you just get here?" She said excitedly as she yawned, placing her bag on the floor; Quickly shuffling to the couch that folds out to a bed.

"I came yesterday, but she was sleeping. It looked like she shouldn't be left alone, so I kinda fell asleep here," Namaari replied as she watched Sisu unfold some sheets, probably getting ready to sleep, she presumed. "I don't work today. I can stay with her..." She began to say as Sisu's eyes shot up from the couch to meet her's with a massive grin on her face.

"Are you completely sure?" Sisu asked, raising an eyebrow. Namaari noticed the eyebags and the apparent exhaustion. She nodded yes before opening her mouth to speak but was cut off by another voice. Raya's voice.

The voice Namaari's been repeatedly hearing in her mind. Precisely when Raya called her a 'godly woman.' Thinking back to that moment made her blush.

"She's... *yawn* ...giving you... *yawn* ..an out.. *yawn* ...take it," Raya stuttered as her eyelids fluttered open. She noticed Namaari first on her right and smiled but brought her gaze back to her best friend. "Go home. It's been four days now. I'm okay."

Sisu tilted her head to the side, looking at Raya with knowing eyes. She turned to look at Namaari. "Raya had a panic attack after I left. That's why she was so exhausted; I'm assuming it's survivor's guilt, but I'm her best friend, so I'm not allowed to evaluate her." Sisu said while crossing her arms across her chest, raising her eyebrows before turning her gaze to Raya. "I'm scared to leave again," She admitted as her tone became soft.

"I'm very much capable of taking care of her," Namaari stated. She knew this current situation was unusual. Truthfully a part of her wanted to leave, believing she didn't deserve even a slimmer of a chance of happiness. However, something kept her there—the desire to TRY and get to know Raya.

Namaari was very self-aware that if she let the opportunity of getting to know Raya personally slip, she would always wonder, what if . Because the truth is, if it doesn't work out, then she can at least say she tried.

Sisu uncrossed her arms and looked over at Namaari. "As a friend?" Sisu questioned Namaari, "Or as a nurse?"

Namaari chuckled. "I'm not part of her medical staff," She stated as she raised her hands in defeat. "I'm here as a friend."

"I thought you said we were girlfriends tho? Or was I dreaming?" Raya randomly blurted, both the other girls looking at her. Sisu's face showing confusion, and Namaari's embarrassment.

"OKAYYY, that's my queue to leave! Tong should be here around 2 PM so you can go home, Namaari." Sisu said, winking at Raya before grabbing her bag and walking out of the room.

Namaari's heart was beating faster, realizing she was alone with Raya. Her cheeks burning as if they were on fire. She turned to look at her and found she was already staring and smiling at her. "Was it a dream?" Raya asked again as she slowly sat up, clutching her chest.

"No, it wasn't a dream," Namaari whispered as she brought her hands down, looking at them.

Namaari was unsure how the next few hours would unveil. All she was certain of was:

She is sitting in a past patient's room.

She agreed to stay for hours.

She's highly attracted to this patient.

She thinks she's lost her dam mind.

--

I’m already working on the next chapter. It should be up in the next coming days. But realistically once I finish it; I’ll post it.

[sweater-daddiesdumbdork]

Welcome To The Pack Not Like I Needed That Bed

Summary- 10k. Alpha!Steve x You. You go to Steve needing him in just about every sense of the word. You Heat fully hits and there is no controlling it. Bucky and Natasha find out more of Pierces doings. Warnings- Okay guys, shouldn't have to tell you, but Smut. Readers in Heat, really what else can you expect from her and the Alpha? Female Receiving Oral. Two Prompts added for @lielullabye Snow's Five Hundred Challenge- 1. “Toto I got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” 2. There's only one bed- in a cabin. 

A/N- Thank You all for the support in this Fic. It's very near and dear to my heart, and just to see the out pour of love for the wolves (im sorry, this chapter doesn't have much of the actual wolves) really makes me all soft. Anyone that notices similarities with @imanuglywombat​'s series Hungry Like The Wolf, it is similar. We talked about it. :) You all should go check out Laura's piece, it is amazing! Moodboard made by @omega-nicole​. Thanks Babes for the lovely Artwork. Thank you for reading everyone and much love from all the wolves. 🐺❤ Happy Howlings! 

Chapter Three / Pack Master list

Steve closed the door behind You when you came in, your heavy soft scent washing over him, reminding him of the day you arrived. The day you sat on his bed, and he could only imagine what had happened from there to set off your arousal. The one that had sent him straight into a ice shower raging hard, fuck you smelled so good. This had a touch of that, and it made his cock stir. He could only hope that his sweatpants he yanked on when you first knocked could hide it for now. Turning towards you, you were seated on a chair in the far corner of the room, much like how you sit on the alpine chair out on the deck, having folded up your legs, peeking at him as if you were upset you were disturbing him.

Steve walked, a bit stiffer then usual, and went to sit on the end corner of the bed, facing You. “Y/N, Little One, why are you afraid? I can smell it.”  

You fidgeted, picking at your fingers, and he reached over to capture your hands in his before you could do anymore. Apologetic you looked at him, and wrinkled your nose instead. Your emotions so easily played across your face in the dark, Steve suspected you felt less vulnerable in the night, and for that he was grateful. It gave him a better reading on what was going on in your mind, and he issued a reassuring squeeze of his hands on yours.

I got you Little One, We will keep you safe.

His wolf rumbled in agreement <Always, she's ours.> Steve could just feel him aching to wrap around you, pull you in close to tease that look off your face, feel your body press into his with need, just as he was feeling now. You would be safe in the circle of his arms.

You immediately felt your Wolf and you calm down when he touched you, his grasp bringing you back to him, and you uncurled, letting your legs stretch and tiptoes brush into the rug beneath the chair. Opening up to him, in a way it made you proud to see his features softening cause you trusted him. “Nothing more than nightmares, but sleeping alone, well it's not something I've done often. Just having someone nearby...” your eyes lifted to meet his, really hoping he didn't misunderstand what you were saying. Steve just studied you a moment, and moved to a stand, his hand outstretched.

“Come on, let your Alpha take care of you. You have nothing to fear.” He smiled, although his body raged at him to take you, to throw you down and rut into you, cover your body with loving bites, and fill your womb with him so you belonged to him forever. All these desires he was able to control, for now. When you rewarded him with a soft look of relief, and slid your hand into his, pulling you to a stand, the Wolf in him crooned softly with affection seeing you take his hand willingly, and lead you to the bed. You crawled up on it, of course giving Steve a perfect view of the heart shape of your ass in sleep shorts swaying back and forth, that did nothing to help his current issue. Slamming him with tented pants, and deep rumbles from his Wolf, he slid in right behind you.

“Can I touch you Little One?” Steve did his best to keep his voice normal, calm. Not the raging fire to claim you he felt inside of you. When you looked over your shoulder, and scooted back to press against his chest, body fit against his just as his Wolf knew you were meant to. Soft against the hardness of the Alpha, his hand sliding over your waist to press his palm under your shirt against your stomach, and there was a visible sigh from you. For now that made his Wolf content, the beast settling back down, laying his head on his forepaws, bright yellowed eyes shimmering in the darkness of Steves mind.

You could feel Steve settling behind you, when you gave the invitation for his hand to encircle you, you relaxed, all that tension caused earlier in your room seeped away. Your Little Wolf started grooming to calm herself, long licks along her forepaw, and knowing she was no longer crying in your mind made you breath out in relief. Steve was warm against you, his fingers brushing against you with a gentleness you've never experienced in another. You wondered if he could feel the fire licking along your nerves just below your skin. The way his heavy scent of the pines he ran through, and metal that you associated with your Alpha stirred your core. Of course he can, you could feel him firm behind you, nudges against your lower back, this wasn't easier on him then it was on you, and yet... this is exactly what you craved, sinking in closer and letting yourself to slip away in his hold.

It was the sweetest torture for both You and Steve.

Bleary eyed Bucky woke with a moan, rolling to his side and his hand went to his head to press against the fucking temple where he felt sharp pain. Whoever fucking clocked him, got him good. Cursing under his breath as he sat up and looked around, trying to get a bearing of where he was. Looked like a normal room, in a normal house, one small lamp was on nearby.  There was a weight around his neck, and his hand dropped to a collar, it was cold to his fingertips with carvings all around it, it left a burnt singe sensation in his nose When he dipped inside his mind, the White Wolf was subdued, chains interlacing around him, tight around his throat that it bit through this thick fur into the skin, muzzled, and held down, the White Wolf couldn't move an inch.

So they were using fucking magic on these wolves, great. Bucky thought as the White Wolf growled, trying to move, which resulted in the chains just tightening more. “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” Bucky snarked as he tried to feel for a clasp on the physical collar around his neck, and it was no use, it was as smooth around as it was heavy on his neck.

“No Soldier your not in Kansas.” A voice said behind Bucky, and a older man came in, smaller in stature then the two that followed him in, but Alpha... or Alpha like, Bucky couldn't see the physical demeanor that Alphas usually had in this man. But his body language said it, and the way the two larger men were sure to stay back behind him, bringing up behind him like a couple body guards. This must be the wolf Nat had to get past in order to be on the pack territory. “But you are on my territorty. I'm the Alpha of these lands, and I want to know why the “famous” White Wolf was scoping us out. I know your not looking to join.” Pierce snarled at these last words as he sat down, pulling a cigar from his pocket. “Especially not after you killed one of my Trackers.”

“Oh the Tracker on OUR territory? I stayed in No Mans territory, he didnt. Not only did he cross our lines, he entered our Alphas house.”

Pierce cut off the tip of his cigar and lit it, looking over at Bucky after a few inhales. “Your Alpha took something that didn't belong to him. I intend to retrieve her, with interest of course. If I find out he bit her, and she took the fucking bite, I’m going to skin her alive.” He waved a hand over his shoulder and stretched out on the wall were skins Bucky didn't notice before. Various colors and species of shifter. The White Wolf tried fighting his binds all over again, his fur bristling down his back, and roars bursting from him in a rage. Buckys’ face changed to one of horror.

“Thats fucking sick man...”

Pierce gave a wicked grin, blowing cigar smoke in Buckys face as he came closer, the chain holding Bucky tightened and wrapped around his torso quickly by the other men, holding him still. “Is it? They are all animals who couldn't listen to the Alpha, and I can't make a profit, they are added to my collection. Your a handsome fellow, all white, I’ve seen pictures of you. You would make a nice addition. Yet... your wanted by Hydra, and since they have been bugging me for an Alpha Male to do ritual magic, I can’t. That pretty Red Wolf though, Natalie I think she had said.  She will look good on my wall.”

This Bucky tried fighting back, break the bonds on the collar, it only resulted in him getting several kicks to the ribs and back. Pierce watched with satisfaction, motioning to Bucky who was once again subdued in pain. “Ship him out to Hydra in a few days, make sure you received the payment at the exchange. And bring my fucking collar back. They can put there own on him.” Bucky got hauled up and dragged away, Pierce going over to the desk, and dialing the phone. “Ahhh yes, the new wolf. Get her situated will you please. Put her in a cell till I can speak with her. ” Settling back in his chair, he went over the stuff they found on Bucky. Particularly his phone. Once he got into it, with a little help from stolen Stark Tech, he was able to go through all his messages, the ones of most interest, Alpha Steve fucking Rogers. Oh he was going to kill that fucker for what he's taken. There also seemed to be some interesting ones from a human, Pierce was sure to jot that info down as well with a smirk.

The next morning Steve woke up slowly, breathing in deeply against the back of your neck and a flex of his arm around you pulled you in tighter against him. Fuck this felt good, his mind was groggy and he grinned against your neck, nuzzling the back of it when he felt his erection press tightly against your back side. Clearly he wasn't thinking straight at the intimate wake up, and his Wolf wasn't going to remind him that Steve was dead set on not getting romantically involved. Steve’s hand traveled up to cup one of your breasts, softly squeezing in his palm, the nipple tight to push for an escape between his fingers. Oh Fuck! His mind cleared and he immediately pulled away from your sleeping form, his whole body throbbing now.

<What are you doing? She's in your bed now, and practically throwing herself at us.>

Absolutely fucking not. I'm not taking a sleeping woman as a partner.

<You really think she was sleeping? She felt you, and wanted it. Her arousal spiked as soon as you started to touch her.> Yes Steve had noticed, he just chose to ignore it. But it was enough to have him raging hard. <You humans make everything so fucking difficult.> The Wolf started to push for more control now.

Steve was quick to rush into his bathroom, starting the water to the coldest setting, he didn't even bother looking at himself in the mirror, he knew. The Wolf was right there, ready to take over if Steve gave an ounce of control. Turn animalistic and fuck you right into the mattress until satisfied you belonged to them. Shucking his pants off, he got into the shower and gripped his raging cock, abusing himself to hurry up and cum. His jaw tense to stay as quiet as he could to not disturb you, he came once heavily, making his legs shake at the effort. But it wasn't enough and he sunk to his knees, still one handed and fast, his balls tightening and more thick ropes of cum covered his shower wall, tipping his head back into the freezing cold stream of water.

<This isn't going to solve her problem.> The Large Silver Wolf stretched and sat with his tail wrapping around his paws.

What problem?

<Oh you can't tell? She's all fucking hot and aching cause she needs her Alpha, her Mate. It wasn't just cause she had a nightmare she came seeking you out. You had to know this would happen with her under our roof and in our care.>

When did the fucking wolf get so insightful Steve sighed to himself as he grabbed a towel to dry himself off, not sure what he was going to find in his room.

<When you started to go against every instinct you have.>

Trying to breathe through his mouth, Steve could taste your arousal heat as well, making his mouth water and a heavy groan rip through his body, feeling just as he done before the shower. Fucking hell... Pushing open the door with a towel wrapped around his lean hips, his eyes widened to find the bed empty.

You stumbled back into the bedroom, early dawn lighting the room with a brilliance of light and you just shaded your eyes, your reasoning at leaving Steves bed was that you overstepped your boundaries when you found yourself all alone. Plus a deep seated lust started, slicking between your thighs, and you simply couldn't control it. None of it, the ache, the need, how wet your cunt was. How sensitive your skin was and you started to pull off the clothes, trying to get away from the way it was teasing your skin, if only if was calloused fingertips and not fucking cotton. Your body was so sensitive, aching, fucking needing that even the brush of clothing against you was maddening. Your tank to was dropped to the floor and your shorts next, your skin shivered, and was covered in Goosebumps as you curled in on yourself. Your slick already coated your thighs from earlier, and you resisted the urge to touch yourself.

Why is it so bad? It's never been like this before.

The Little Wolf whined, her ears flat as she snapped at nothing in aggitation and ache.

<Why do you think? Your in heat with your Mate, it's going to be stronger then usual. Your body is made for him.> The Little Wolf snarled out with a snap of her jaws. <You two are to stubborn and this is what happens. We're all miserable.>  

Another wave made you arch, and bite into the pillows your head were resting on, growling out and crying as the lust filled pain that was shockwaves through your body. Withering against the mattress in an attempt to escape what was unescapable. You never heard or noticed Steve stumbling into your doorway, his hair still wet from his shower as he fisted a hand through it, seeing You twisted up in the sheets. “Y/N!” He growled to get your attention, but your face was buried into the pillows, crying into the feathers that muffled your noises. His gaze flowed down your front, and every muscle was taunt, tense, your thighs clasped together in a locked grip, but even he could see, and smell how hot and slick you were.

<Fuck it Steve, we can't leave her like this.> The Wolf snapped, and it finally broke the man, he couldn’t, wouldn't leave you withering like this burning up. Striding over, he let the towel fall from his body, lithe, muscles rippling at the sight of you withering naked on the guest bed, the sight making his cock twitch, starting the throb into a hard erection. His hands grasped your shoulders to straighten you out, leaving you tear streaked looking up at Steve, panting slightly. “Please Steve, it's never been like this before...” Your eyes are flaring yellow at him, and you reached up to grasp his biceps, arching again with a roll as he hovered over you, seeking contact.

Steve had to get you to calm down, grasping the back of your neck, and his voice took a deeper roll, commanding you to snap back to him. “Y/N, Look at your Alpha.” It didn't pass his notice that you never hesitated this time, your eyes snapping to meet his, your fingers bunch into the muscle of his arms. Steve dropped his nose to slide along your face, huffing deeply as he dragged in your scent, and you went still for him to do so, wanting nothing more then to please your Alpha. Up one side, into your hair, the act made you calm right down, just the occassional shudder rolling through now, soft whimpers and tilting your face to run your nose along his neck, inhaling his scent when he was angled just right and flicking your tongue to take a lap of his skin. Pulling back to look down at you, your eyes still had a subdued yellow look, but calmer, not that wild out of control look.

Rumbling softly in praise, he loosened his hold on you, letting your head ease back down to the pillow. “Easy Little One, It will be okay, I got you.” You nod up at him and he lowers his head to lap his tongue over your lips, and slip between them, stroking his tongue against yours enticing you to meet him, lips pressing and sliding along yours until Steve pulled back to look down at you, moving back enough to admire the rest of you. Fuck you really were beautiful, and in your Heat your whole body responded to the smallest things. Wherever his eyes flowed to, your body would arch for him, rolling. An offering all for him, just the cooler air of him moving back from you was making your nipples pebble, tighten to hard peaks,. Mouthfuls Steve wanted to draw in and suck on them, leave his marks on them, only his pups would would suckle from you. He inhaled sharply to get control of himself again, lifting his eyes back to yours.<Why are you stopping?> His Wolf growled and Steve rested his hand against your hip, snapping at his Wolf to have some patience.

“Better?” He asked as you blinked up at him, the yellow ebbing from your eyes and you nodded. Your hands loosened from his biceps, now just resting there. Steves head dropped to lap lightly against your neck, placing softer bites to keep you calmer, reminders that your Alpha was there to take care of you.

<Not just your Alpha Y/N, your Mate.> Your Little Wolf reminded you softly.

That's why it's so much more intense? It's not just because Im with the Packs Alpha?

<No Y/N, it's only like this when your with your Mate, they are the only ones your body needs.>

Your hands smoothed along his shoulders and down his back, and you hummed softly with content rocking your hips back and forth “Its easier.” You whimper and Steve continues down your collarbone and nipping the tops of your breasts, glancing up. “But?” and you do your best to pay attention, but the needing ache bordering on pain started to build again, rolling your body underneath him, tipping your head back and crying out. “I still need you Steve.” And your fingers tightened in his back, digging into the muscles to hold onto him.

Steve let his hand grasp your hips and slip you further underneath, his knee parting your thigh and rub us against your hot wet core, grinding against you till it registered and you started to rub your slick on him, growling so soft with pleasure at the hardness, the way Steves wet mouth pulled a nipple in, pulling, tugging, slight pinches when his rolls your nipple between his teeth about to release, just to suck back in, dragging his tongue over the sensitive spot that left you moaning and withering underneath him. Flushing bites, that would bruise, moved to the other breast, his hand palming and twisting the peak to keep you right up there.

And Oh it felt so good. You arched right into his touches like they were all you needed, and your legs parted further as he made his way down, one hand still covering a breast, kneeding and palming you, Steve lapped his way down your body, he couldn't get enough of your taste, the way you sounded all urgent for him. Using his shoulders to spread your thighs for him, he couldn't help but bury his nose against your cunt and fill all his senses with such a gift. You were so slick with need, an aching need, that the moment his tongue lapped through your cunt, you cried out his name and arched, your hands fisting into his hair to hold on. “Fuck Steve!” 

His large hands clasped around your thighs and tilted you up, the Alpha lapping deeply through the folds, growling in a pleasure that you felt rolling through your core, his tongue filled your entrance, and you clenched around him with a urgent need. But that didn't slow him down, every lick, suck and pull, his hands kneeding into your thighs, till he let his fingers get greedily swallowed into your channel, lifting his head to watch you as he fingers pumped you to stretch around him. “Just like that Little One, cum for me, let me clean you up before I fuck you.” Lips teasing your clit, you bucked your hips into his face, the urgent beard scratches for him to gather all he could from your weeping hole on his tongue was enough to make your want to snap. Coming undone, he was sure to wrap his arms around you when your thighs snapped around his head and you arched your upper body, but Steve wasn't letting you go anywhere, blue eyes lifting to see you sink back down, panting with a racing heart. “So beautiful, fuck every inch of you is just perfect.” 

Arching to kneel wiping his mouth and chin off best he could, he watched you post orgasm, flushed and heaving chest as you tried to drag in enough air, he fell over you, holding himself up by his hands on either side of your head to kiss you deeply, this time your tongue lapped at him, moaning at the combined tastes of your Alpha and You. When he pulled away, you almost reached to bring him back, but his hands moved on your hips, and he flipped you to your knees, arching your ass into the air. He paused a moment to see pink marks all over your back, breathing in sharply. What the hell happened to you, Little One?

<Are those cuts or bites?>  The Wolf alarmed, pacing back and forth with anxiety. Steve pushed him back further in his mind as he turned his attention back to you. You had dipped your back further, and presented yourself to him. Shivering under his hands, and Steve was again struck with how trusting you were of him to take care of you, how fucking breathtaking you were submitting to him. You pulled a pillow in close and went to your elbows. Biting your lip with nerves, and looking over your shoulder at Steve kneeling behind you, rubbing his hands up and down your sides as he kissed down your spine to the base of your lower back. He didn't seem effected by the bites, or notice them. 

“Steve?” Your voice was urgent, making him lift his head from where he was lavishing nips to the dimples in your lower back, your ass pressing into his groin, making him want to sink into you, know just how good you would feel tight around his cock as you had been around his tongue and fingers. “Yes Little One?” He rumbled as he lifted his head and leaned forward, kissing on your shoulder, his hand smoothing to settle on your stomach, fingers splayed as if saying 'All Mine'. “You can't bite me, Please... please dont.” His eyes lifted, he had seen all the scars on your back, suspected what they were, but his focus was distracted, your arousal was so enticing, calling him to fill you, love you. “I won't bite you unless we're both ready.” You let your forehead lean against his, and he let his nose nudge against yours before pulling back behind you. 

You were stretched before him, just waiting for him, and Steve gripped the base of his cock, letting the thick head slide between your sick folds, watching you tense and relax, he was thick, heavy and throbbing in his hand, he really couldn't remember the last time anyone turned him on this much, and when he started to press into you, your heavy moan slightly muffled in the pillow while your channel clutched around his sliding cock. It was like you were made for him, the way you stretched for him, pressing back to meet him. Hands folding around your hips, fingers digging in as he thrusted his cock in rest of the way to seat deeply inside of your fluttering channel, you twisted your hands into his bedding. “Fuck you feel see good gripping on me Pretty Girl.” He groaned out after a few moments, 

With a pull back of his hips, he didn't start anything fast, letting you get accustomed, ready. He shouldn't have though, you were more then ready for him, and you craved that hard pounding fullness. “Harder Steve, Im yours... make me yours.” You pleaded, and Steve hearing you started to move you over his cock, bring you back harder and faster on his thrusting cock. His thighs smacking into your ass, fingers digging into the soft supple skin to the bone, You appreciated every bruising second of it. You cried, sobbed into the pillow, begging for it. 

Steve fell over your back, wrapping and arm around your chest and pulling back till you were sitting against his chest, still rolling your hips just as urgently as well as him pounding into you. He dropped laps to your neck, kisses that were harsh and urgent, hand went from palming your breast to grasping around your neck and under your jaw, holding you in place just how he wanted, tilting your head slightly so he could see your face, the drop of the 'O' of your mouth, the way you “Uh yes Steve, uh uh uh” moans that were so fucking needy and perfect, he couldn't help but want to sink his teeth into a growling bite. He settled for pressing his lips against your racing pulse, inhaling against your hot skin smelling of sex and him, growling deeply. 

You reached the grab his forearm that was pressing against your chest in his hold, leveraging yourself to pound your aching throbbing cunt harder on his cock, but it was spiraled fast, coils in your stomach threatening to snap and release, you barely registered him growling words in your ear, whatever they were, you just nodded to them, and then snapped a final time down into his lap. Tipping back into his chest, and your head on his shoulder, feeling your body shoot off the best orgasm, it clouded your mind, getting lost into it. Steve kept a tight hold, still pounding out his own following orgasm, that when he did fall over that edge, leaving hot streams of cum filling you, his thrusts trying to bury himself into the womb, you just couldn't anymore, couldn't stay up. You both crashed heavily into the bed. 

So heavy, that the box spring underneath collapsed beneath the two of you, sending the mattress busted onto the floor, Steve pinning you between the broken bed and himself, his knot so fucking thick, you thought you were going to split, but you revealed at the feeling of being so full of him. His panting against your neck changed to a warning growl against your ear. “Don’t Move Y/N.” You shook your head, and twisted it to the side, the two of you laying there, Steve pressed open kisses to your neck and shoulder, mummering against the skin. “So fucking good Little One, I promise to clean you up afterwards and take you to bed.” 

You chuckled softly, wanting to stretch, reveal in the orgasm, but Steves cock was still buried deep, throbbing. You knew that it made his orgasm longer, the knotting. And when you flexed slightly, he growled again at you, biting the curve between shoulder and neck, holding you still once more. Nothing hard enough to break skin, but enough for him to ride out the sensation and make you behave. Finally it started to go back to normal. With a groan, Steve pulled away and you rolled to your back, finally stretching out. He looked down at you with a chuckle, and leaned down enough to slide arms underneath you and bridal style, picked you up. Your arm locked around his neck for support and looked down at the bed, turning red. 

“Uhh, I’m sorry we broke your bed Steve.” You apologized, looking nervously at him. Steve as well looked at the bed, and shrugged his shoulders before turning away, heading to his bedroom. “Dont worry about it, it was useless in that room anyways. Now I have an excuse to get rid of it.” He said as if it was no big deal, which it wasn’t. He only had that room set up per his ex's request. Where one of them would on occasion sleep when it got really bad between them. He always hated having that room there, now You gave him the perfect opportunity to change it. Careful as he lowered you to the bed you had left earlier, he couldn't help but think to himself You look better in here... 

<Exactly where she is meant to be.> The Silver Wolf yawned, one of those wide jaw, tongue curling yawns, that showed how content he was. 

Already you were getting sleepy on Steve, he could see it. As quickly as he could, he got a warm wet cloth and eased if between your thighs, over the lower part of your stomach, cleaning himself as well, he tossed the cloth and eased onto the bed, stretching out beside you. As you curled in closer, he let his hand rest on your hip, waiting for you to fall asleep. He wanted to get a closer look at those old scars on your back. Steve was rewarded a couple hours later, when you shifted from your back to your stomach. Asleep himself, the Wolf growled to get his attention, making him stir, his arm loped loosely around your hip when the pacing Wolf woke hip up more, finally coming into a closed eye’d and aware. 

You were stretched out on your stomach, Steve could hear your soft breathing signaling you were asleep, and he breathed in deeply, the smell of you two and sex a heavy welcome one, settling warmth and satisfaction to rest in his mind. Both him and the Wolf were content having there mate in the bed, no longer aching in need, when the urge came again, he would be ready. Steve moved away from you a bit to sit up, able now to get a proper look that he wasn't completely focused on one thing. His eyes widened and a snap of his teeth were the best he could do to control the rage that rattled through him.

They are fucking bite marks.... all of them. Steve growled sharply in anger and disbelief as his fingers traced over one that was particularly large and deep. The pink skin of the scar slightly raised and shiny. His palm smoothed along your back, his brow pulling together further to wrinkle at all the marks they had inflicted on you. All the times another Wolf tried to subdued and claim you as their own. No wolf willingly let's themselves get bitten that many times, go through the attempted bonding. No wonder you told him not to bite you, even through your Heat, when you would crave it the most. Steve’s eyes roamed down your back and they stopped just in your lower back area. The rage that rolled through him made him stiffen and clench his jaw from saying anything out loud. All of them will pay for this, starting with Pierce. It was hard to reign in his anger, making his throat close and his chest burn at the sight. He wanted blood, for you and who knows how many others had this been done to. 

<We will kill him for doing this to her, and all the wolves that left her marked like this.> The Silver Wolf paced back and forth, ready for action, his fur raised along his spine in his anger, muzzle rolled up to show bared fangs just waiting to crush a windpipe, shake his victim till his neck snapped. Any that bit his mate, he wanted to shred them till there was nothing left to piece back together.

When Bucky and Natasha return with the intel, we will certainly be doing something. Council can go fuck themselves, waiting this long to bring Pierce under control.

The Wolf stopped pacing enough to study his mate laying there to make sure you were still at peace. <Will she be able to ever accept our Bite?>

If she doesn't that changes nothing. This is her home, bite or no bite. Besides our scents all over her, no one will doubt who she is with as long as that is what Y/N WANTS. Steve reminded his Wolf firmly.

<You really are fucking stubborn to think she doesnt. See how beautiful she presented, the way she came apart and trusted us.>

You never know, things can change when were not all caught up in the moment.

<You got to forget the bitch... Y/N is not Alanna.>

Easier said then done, Steve thought as he let his hand slide along the curve of your side to where your hips flared out, and sure enough light bruises in the shape of his fingers colored your shin. He knew he should be sorry he left them from where he took you from behind, but he wasn’t. He loved seeing his mark on you somewhere, even one that would fade in time. It made the others seem insignificant. they had no true value, memories of a time that you were no longer subjected to. He had a new purpose, to change every scar left into a new memory, one that wouldn’t remind you of Pierce but of him. If you let him, of course. 

Steve knew one thing for sure, Pierce wouldn't ever lay a hand on you again. You stirred under his palm, he could feel you draw in a deep breath of air and release under his touch, turning more into him when you realized he was there, moving from the pillows to lay your head on his sheet covered lap, still half asleep. Steve bit back a smile, suspecting you were still out of it, and this was your Little Wolf he was seeing more of. “Y/n, welcome back Little One.” His hand moved from your back to brush back your hair, see your face better. Your eyes were still firmly closed, and you twisted your face into his knee, rubbed the sleep out of your eyes with a groan. Steve still ran his fingers through your hair, and when your eyes spring open, you twist to lay on your back, looking up at him.

“You saw them, didn't you? “ you asked with a bit of hesitation, trying to gauge what he was thinking.

Steve’s head tilted a bit while his fingers were gentle through your hair, and down the back of your neck, giving a gentle brush of fingertips along your neck, as if memorizing the shape of your body. “I did Little One, because of Pierce?” His question was gentle, but it still made your chest tighten, and your Little Wolf crooned softly to comfort your pain.

“They are from all the times he tried to sell me. The seller, would try to initiate the bite, but I just couldn't do it back. At first it was fear, I was pretty young when it started, my first heat at 18, as it went on and he couldn't match me in the pack, that's when he decided to sell me.” You shifted to sit up, reaching for more of the sheet and covering yourself. “It just felt wrong, the others told me to just submit to one, that the bond can be broken later. If my new home didn't work out, I might be able to get away. I thought about it... Just let it happen, and hope it would be better. But I was to much of a coward to take that chance. Better the evil you know and all that.”

Both man and the beast snapped at attention to that, Steve leaned forward and caught your chin in his thumb and forefinger, his eyes seeking to connect to yours when he tipped your face up to look at him. “You are no fucking coward Y/N, what he put you and the others through is enough to end him. This isn't supposed to be a sick deprived thing, this is supposed to be something you carry with you forever.” His forehead leaned against yours, and he inhaled you deeply, drawing in your scent, and your eyes closed in return, doing the same. Once Steve pulled back, he let his hold drop, and was rewarded with a small smile. It was enough to make his Wolf howl in the small victory.

“How about breakfast out on the deck, and we can go say goodbye to Tony and Pepper before they head out?” Steve suggested, wanting to end this on a good note, and when he held his hand out in a offering, you seemed to study him and then his open hand, when you unfolded yourself, and placed your hand in his, once more showing a bit of trust and allowing your Alpha to take care of you.

Pepper packed the overnight bag they used while Tony paced back and forth on the phone. The clipped tone of his voice, and his fast paced stride as he would his way around the cabin Steve offered them, showed his agitation, it made Pepper herself start to get a bit aggravated. She understood The Council, but they set her mate off more then she was okay with. “Steve has a couple of his wolves already assessing the situation. Well what did you expect, he had a victim of Pierces right on his doorstep, Not to mention they came on his territory and into his own home. You can't expect him to just 'sit back and wait.” Pepper zipped the bag and brought it by the door, moving over to Tony and she cut him off from his pacing, her hands sliding up his chest and around the back of his neck. His eyes flickered to her even though he continued speaking. “Yea, I hear you, fine. If that's what you think is best... Oh, uh huh... I'm up in the middle of--” He clicked the phone off and Pepper took it off him, tossing it aside.

“Line went dead, real shitty reception up here.” Tony smirked and Pepper laughed, backing him up to the bed, and making him sit for a moment, her fingers brushing through his hair. “I take it Ross isn't at all happy with what you've told him?” she looked down at him, taking in the bit of stress lines furrowed in his brow. He sighed and wrapped his arms around her hips and shook his head. “No, He doesn’t want Rogers taking off after that pack on his own, no “rogue packs" being viglantes. Unfortunately this will also speed up those Accords the Council has been pushing for.” Pepper dropped her head to kiss his forehead and pulled away, bringing him to a stand. “Your doing your best trying to keep the peace Tony, no one can ask for more.” Tony quirked a smile at his mate, and grabbed there bag, looking around the room. “Ya know, Rogers doesn't have a bad set up here.”

“Mmhhh, and especially now that he has a mate, he's going to root right down.” Pepper added, knowing that Steve’s pack was one they were worried about once the Accords were dropped by the council. Tonys grinned at Peppers words, drawing her in close. “You really think that woman is his partner?” Pepper nodded and went to open the door, holding Tonys hand. “Didnt you see them last night, even when they weren't together, couldn't stop staring at one another, plus his scent is all over her. It's just a matter of time before it happens.”

Tony snorted as they headed towards the car to ditch the bag before going to say goodbye. “I don't know how I feel about you sniffing other wolves.” He tossed the bag in the back and raised his hand in greeting to Steve and You. Pepper slid up against his side, nipping his neck and whispering “You smell much better, does that make it okay?” He didn't have time to answer when Steve and You came up on them, it didn't pass Tony or Peppers notice that you two hovered close to one another, not quite touching, but close. Plus it was hard to miss your Heat, although it wasn't a arousing scent for either of them, just feminine, and soft.

“Rogers, as always a pleasure. Thank you for the lovely accommodations, I was telling Pepper that we should get a similar set up. Maybe on the other side of your lake here.” Tony took a glance over his sunglasses at the lake as if assessing it, and Steve probably turned three shades of white at the idea. “Actually that's Pack Land Tony, I was sure to put it right in the middle of our territory when I expanded.” Pepper rolled her eyes and patted Steves arm. “Kidding Steve, he's only kidding. You know you couldn't get Tony to leave New York.”

“Well maybe if you wanted to live the Malibu life I would Pep. Y/N, dear, Im glad your safe here, and of course if you happen to need anything from us, don't hesitate to call.” Tony wrapped You up in a surprise hug that elicited a growl from Steve and a squeak from you.

<Whats he doing touching our Mate?> The Wolf snapped at the air, ready to go after Tony.

Stop, he's just messing with us. She's fine, see. You embraced him back once you weren't shocked anymore and nodded, thanking him for the offer.

Pepper grabbed Tonys arm and dragged him to the car before he actually set Steve off, an apologetic look over her shoulder. “Steve, your order, will be in next week. Till next time.” She shoved Tony in the car, and Steve instinctly moved closer to you, and you to him, the two of you waving the couple away. Finally after a few moments, you simply remark. “Well they were nice... “ Steve snorts and gives a sideways glance. “Tonys a pain, Pepper is a saint for putting up with him.” Pulling out his phone, he took a look at the time. “I got to get up to the crew, we've already taken a day off.” You frown a bit, and look down. The only reason they missed a day was because the Trackers broke into Steves cabin. Because of you. 

Steve caught sight of your frown, the way you pulled back, and immediately slid his fingers along your jawline, tilting your face back up, shaking his head. “Wasnt your fault Little One, I normally shut down the day after our run.” The relief that flooded your eyes made Steve soften, and he couldn't help but place a soft innocent kiss on your lips, rewarded with a flush of pink. His wolf was smug watching the tender moment between you two, but real life called Steve away when his phone started ringing with Sams name flashing. Yes, we gotta get up to the Lot. 

<Or stay with our Little One, she is in heat after all.> The Wolf offered a suggestion, both animal and man inhaling your scent, commiting it to memory. His eyes roamed over yours, and your thighs started to clench under his gaze, and teeth would pull at your lower lip. Your arousal once more heavy in the air between you two, and Steve knew that he couldn't leave you alone today, not like this. Maybe it was selfish reasons, as he felt his cock start to harden, but in good concupiscence he couldn't leave you in pain, not when he could help you. “Or... I can stay ?” 

When Steve extended his hand, it was hard denying that the fire coursing through your body that was laced with need made it hard not to just throw yourself at the Alpha. He already sated you once, made the urge into a full background ache for at least a little while. But now slick was pooling your cunt, the feeling of clothing was making you on edge, wanting to get them off your skin. You didn't need the clinging cotton all over you. You needed skin to skin burning into you. If you took his hand, would you ever be able to look back, take it all back. 

Your Little Wolf nudged you to slide your hand into his. <take it Y/N, He needs you as much as you need him.> 

He can have any mate he desires, not one as damaged as me. You stated bitterly to your wolf, and she snarled at you. He knows now Ive been used, and not suitable for the Bite.

Your eyes roamed over Steve momentiarly, and you couldn't see where he needed you, and your Little Wolf, calmed once more, nudges you again. <You can't always see it, the way he held you last night was just as much for him.> 

All this happening in the seconds Steve held his hand to yours, and you stepped forward, to let your slip into his, and stepping in closer to him. Your face tilted up to his, and this time it wasn't in sadness, but need and trust. “Thank You Alpha.” Together you two made your way back to his cabin, and this time when he stretched you out on his bed, the only one left now in the cabin, both of you  void of clothing, he couldn't help but admire you properly this time, his hands sliding along your sides to trace your curves, kisses flowing up and down your body worshipping till you were wriggling under him with soft pleas, when Steve would surge himself to fill you, there was a collective sigh between you two feeling him stretch you open and tighten around him, rocking together with deep demanding kisses and you tipping back when he told you to, coming completely undone. 

Other times it was rough and dominating fucking. Your hands pinned over your head in his own, hard demanding thrusts claiming not just your cunt, but your whole body, pounding it into the soft cotton sheets and feather pillows on the mattress, clashing teeth biting at each other's lips, and tongues, his hand in your hair to rip your head back, Steves licking a long claiming lap up the column to your ear, grunting in it. “Give it to me Little One.” He said in the dying twilight, leaving him in shadows above you, this blue eyes as always demanding your attention, doing the best you could to listen. It was hard when you felt yourself floating in a space that was all pleasure and relief, your fingers curling around his palm keeping you pinned to the mattress, nodding that you would, you would try. You wanted to listen to him, you and your wolf craved to give him what he wanted. But by this point you were so tired, you just wanted to curl into him and sleep, free now of the ache, he sated it, made it shrink away into a distant morning memory. You tipped your head into the pillows, screaming his name while he continued powerful demanding thrusts, your cunt locking around and the last thrust had him swelling inside of you, brimming you with his seed,making you whimper out in relief, and cutching to his chest. 

Careful Steve maneuvered both of you so you were straddled against his hips, rubbing your face into his shoulder and he told dragging breaths to ride out the Knotting, keeping you full of him. Your fingers dig slightly into his biceps as you rub your face into his neck, moaning out softly. “Fuck Im so tired.” Your yawning against his skin, and Steve rubs your back, kissing your temple. “Go to sleep Little One, I will be right here for you.” Rumbling softly from his chest, The Wolf settling to stand guard over your sleeping body. Steve can feel you sinking away after he tells you to, your breathing soft against his neck, and the Alpha waits till his own body cooperates, the knot easing down till he was soft again and able to ease you to lay on the bed, your lashes fluttering up for half a second before you shifted to your side, twisting till your back was pressed to him. 

Knowing you would be out for a few hours at least till your urges took over once more Steve slid a sheet up to pool around your hips in case you caught chill, and moved to the edge of the bed, picking up his pants to dig out his cell phone from his pocket. Being preoccupied for the day with his mate, he hadn't been able to check on Bucky and Natasha. When he saw no messages from them, his brow furrowed. Glancing over his shoulder to check that you were still sound asleep, he slipped on boxer shorts, and stepped out onto the deck from the door in the bedroom leading to the deck, leaving the door open to let the room fill with the fresh lake air. 

<Cant go to far Steve, she might need us soon.> 

I won't be, I know she's got another day or two like this. Remember not to get to attactched... Steve tried gently reminding the Wolf, and the Wolf just snorted in disbelief at this point.  

Still frowning as he pulled up texts, he didn't want to risk blowing Buckys cover should he be scouting Pierces lands by making his phone ring with a call. 

~Any updates Buck? Haven't heard anything from either you or N all day.~ Hitting send, he set his phone down on the railing, and leaning on his elbows, he looked out over the lake, watching the stars and moon shimmer over the surface. No longer full, it wasn't as bright as usual, but Steve still felt the pull to it. It was hard to believe the run had just been a few nights ago, seeing your sleek form weaving through the trees, yellow eyes reflecting at him playfully in the moonlight. Even after spending a day together in bed exploring all the ways he could make you come undone, Steve missed feeling your warmth press into him. 

Turning around, he could see the pale of your bare back in his dark bed, the moonlight lighting up enough to be able to study the curve of your hip just peeking out from under the sheet. Recalling how well you fit in his palms, you crying his name with those sweet pleases, wanting to cum again. The memory made him smile. 

<Imagine when she's swollen with a pup? All round and curves.>

Steves breath caught, but fertility was hard among shifters. For some reason, having kids took a long time for mated pairs, so he wasn't to worried, having never gotten pregnant with Alanna, and it wasn't like they didn't try. 

I don’t know what you think is going on, but we're not a mated pair. The likelihood I've gotten her pregnant yet is slim. 

<Right Steve, you didn't just spend all day making her yours in every sense of the word, short of giving the bite.> 

You heard her... I probably would have if she hadn't specifically asked us not to. Begged us not to . And you saw her back. It's understandable she wouldn't want that, maybe not ever. 

That idea made Steves heart ache a little, although he didn't have a strong bond with Alanna, it was still something Steve appreciated, giving there wolves a connection all just for them. Until he severed it, cut Alanna loose from his Wolf. His Wolf recalling the female he once shared his life with, started shaking out his fur to dispel the discomfort she brought up in him, even with the bond, the Alpha Wolf and Alanna’s Wolf fought more then were ever companions, always snapping at each other, rarely sharing affectionate moments in the bond. When they got to physically run together, it wasn't a smooth team, pulling one another up short on accident, the dance wolves did was never smooth with them two. They could never sync up... Unlike him and You on the beach. 

No, looking back on it, Steve knew bonding with Alanna was a mistake. Already this little bit he shared with You was different. Before he could get lost further in his thoughts, his phone buzzed with a message from Bucky. ~Alpha, N is with the pack now, and I'm waiting till I can extract her and bring her home.~ Steve read the message, but one part seemed odd, Bucky calling him Alpha. Never in there lives had Bucky called him that. Nicknames or Steve, but never Alpha. 

~Alpha? what the hells gotten into you. Stay safe brother.~ Hitting send his brow deepened in an unsettled way when he heard you stirring behind him, holding your hands over your breasts when you came up next to Steve, nudging his shoulder lightly with your nose. “You okay Alpha?” Now hearing you say Alpha stirred him in the right ways, and his face smoothed, cocking a smile at you. “Nothing to worry about Little One, but what are you doing awake?”   

“I couldn't sleep, not really. I had an urge... “ 

“An urge, for what Little One?” Steve questioned although he suspected he knew what she needed from him. 

Dropping your sheet to pool around your feet when you went to tiptoes, kissing his cheek and catching Steve by surprise when you grinned up at him. “A swim in the moonlight.” And just as quick as you were standing before him, you werent. Even in your human form you were quick, moving down the stairs to reach the end of the dock. Steve pushed his worries about Bucky out, and followed behind, catching up once you slowed down, and dipped your foot in the water, Steve wrapped his arms around you from behind, and with a loud squeal from you, both tumbled into the water, breaking the pristine still top playing while chasing each other around, swimming further out. 

Nothing but the night sky to witness you two catching each other, legs tangling together, arms around each other as you both pressed your lips together in a kiss.

Natasha paced the room, having been stuck in with other wolves for well over a day she was guessing. Once they brought her into the center of there lands, Pierce immediately rounded on her, and they forced her to shift back with threat of an injection. It could wipe out her Wolf if she was given to strong of a dose, immediately recognizing the solution filling the vial. 

“Well welcome to my pack.” Pierce had snarled out slightly, going up in the naked woman's face, lewedly sniffing her neck. “Thought you were being slick huh, come infiltrate into our pack. We already got your companion, the White Wolf.” Natashas heart sank knowing they had Bucky, but she gave no inclination of it physically. She didn't have all that training for nothing. 

“I don't know what your talking about Sir.” 

“Sir, I like that. But Im afraid you do, see I can smell him all over you. Same scent, your packs scent. Your Alphas scent. Although it's not as strong on you. I do like a little defiant bitch. Might just keep you for now. To bad Alpha Steve used you as bait, lost himself a good female.” Pierces hands circled Natashas throat and dragged her to his eye level, searching them for defiance. Natashas wolf was raging to attack him, to get his hands off her, but Natasha kept docile, calm, waiting. 

Let them underestimate me. It will be there biggest mistake.  

Her Wolf listened, her muscles flexing under her red fur, muzzle rolled just enough to show bared fangs. As soon as Natasha released her, she would rip out anyone's throat. 

“Put her with the others, they will give her something to wear.” Pierce finally decided, and  that was that. They dragged Natasha, still compliant to a holding area, and shoved her in. The woman immediately growling at the amount of people in the room, lounging around, waiting for something to happen. A few approached her as Natasha searched for a way out with a scan of her eyes. Windows were up high, higher then any of them could jump in either form, and steel wire bared being able to get through, the only door a steel one behind her. Sighing within’ herself, she turned her attention back to the few people coming to greet her, holding out a tank top and shorts. 

“Welcome to the Sales Floor.” One girl smiled as she handed over the clothing, Natasha grabbing it, the tank just a touch to small and the shorts a bit to big. 

“The what?” She asked and waved a hand over her outfit. “Thanks by the way, Im Natalie.” Giving a fake name just as easily as if she gave her actual name. 

“Sales Floor, were all for sale for the right buyer.” The girl held out her hand and Natasha shook it while trying to make a count of people in the room. She had been filled in on your situation a bit before leaving by Steve, and well this just confirmed all that they knew about You. The door clicked behind her, and two oversized men entered, growling at anyone close till everyone scrambled to get out of there way. One wasn't fast enough and the man's hand shot out to clasp around her neck, and the other checked her face, nodding. Without a word, they clasped a collar around her neck, and she immediately complied once it was on, falling to her knees and waiting. Two others were captured the same way, inspected and collared, then all 3 were led out of the room. 

“And what was that?!” Natasha asked, the girl, dread sinking into her gut. 

“They will be presented to some Alphas for sale. They will inspect them, and if they chose to purchase them, they will issue the bite to claim them. Of course if the bite doesn't work, they can return us. Also Im Kat.” She beckoned Natasha to follow her. “There’s not much to see of The Sales Floor, but let me show you around.” 

Natasha felt sickened by all this, seeing all this. We're leaving as soon as possible with as many of them as well can, and find Bucky to. 

<The sooner the better> The Red Wolf still coiled and ready, ears flattened and her green eyes shifting back and forth in mistrust at the others. There were at least a good twenty wolves crammed into a small space, danger laced the air with a sour taste. 

Natasha followed Kat, learning more and more to bring back to Steve. That was the first night, by the second night, the night Steve and You enjoyed your swim, Natasha had a rough plan in place, just waiting for the right opportunity.

tags- @what-is-your-plan-today @p8tn0lish @jtargaryen18 @official-and-unstable-satan @kimisama1989 @princess-evans-addict @bigbandbombshell @omega-nicole @patzammit @onetwo3000 @fckdeusername @alexakeyloveloki @ayamenimthiriel @irishflutiegirl @mery-be @djeniiscorner@irespostthingsiwanttoseelater @rinkashirikitateku @fallenoutofrose @caffiend-queen @southerngracela  @titty-teetee @imboredat2am @bohemian-barbie @farfromtommy @jennmurawski13 @keiva1000 @nightriver99 @nerdygirl8203 @lielullabye @simsadventures @wonderlandfandomkingdom

[jawabear]

Hi~ Can I request a fic? for season 3 Javier Peña. Maybe some soft Javi. With y/n being a colleague, but struggling to get back to work because of mental trauma. If that's ok with you.

Don’t leave (Javier Peña X Reader)

Not my GIF

A/N: Hey! Here’s another request for my sweetheart Javi. Thanks to anon for helping out a little more. However, I feel like this isn’t great? But I really hope you like it. Thank you for requesting! I hope you enjoy it! Sorry for any mistakes. Stay safe.

Genre: Angst, fluff

Warnings: fem!reader, injury detail, mentions of blood, violence, tears, mental trauma, comfort

Summary: After a mission turns south and months of being off work, she has to face the reality of going back to work.

-

She didn’t know what came over her.

Everything moved in slow motion as one of the men lifted their gun and pointed it over at Javier. She wasn’t in control of her legs as she ran between them.

Her blood seemed to run cold when the gun went off. There was a ringing in her ear. She could hear another muffled gun shot and the muffled call of her name but she couldn’t move. She couldn’t do anything other than fall to the ground.

“Fucking shit (Y/N)!” Javi yelled as he crawled over to her lifted her shaking torso into his lap. “Why the fuck did you do that, you idiot!” he scaled her. He pulled his radio from his belt and gave an order to call for an ambulance before he threw his radio to the ground.

She looked up at him with wide eyes full of fear. She was barely breathing and her lips were trembling. He looked down her body to her stomach that was flooding blood that was seeping into her blue shirt. “J-Javi..” she whimpered. Her voice was barely there though.

“The ambulance is on its way (Y/N). You’re going to be okay” he told her trying not to cry at the sight of her lying petrified in his arms. “You’re gonna be okay (Y/N)”

Javier didn’t move from her. He held her almost lovingly in his arms, gently stroking her hair as he whispered the same words to her over and over again, it got to the point where he was more convincing himself than her was convincing her. But she never responded to him. She just continued to stare at him with the same terrified eyes.

“Peña, la ambulancia está aquí” (Peña, the ambulance is here) a voice came over the discarded radio beside him.

He picked up the radio and put it back on his belt. “Hold on (Y/N)” he whispered to her. He slipped one arm under her knees and the other under her torso and carefully lifted her into his arms as he stood and walked as quickly as he could outside where the ambulance was waiting.

The paramedics raced over to him seeing the state that (Y/N) was in. He walked her over to the ambulance and placed her onto the bed on the inside. She gripped hold of him like her life depended on it, because it felt like it did. She felt that if she let go of him, that would be it for her. “Don’t leave” she whispered desperately.

“I won’t leave you (Y/N)” he told her as he managed to pry her arms from him “I’ll come see you. But you need to go right now”

“Javi..” he had to ignore her as he jumped out of the back of the ambulance. He took one last look at her, tears beginning the fall down her cheeks, either from pain or from the fact he was leaving her. He felt unbelievable guilt wash over him but he had to close the doors.

(Y/N) drew in a sharp breath as she splashed water over her face bringing her back into her equally painful reality. She looked at herself in her bathroom mirror and hated the sight. Seeing how her eyes were red and puffy for her uncontrollable tears of fear. Seeing dark circles under her eyes from lack of sleep. Well, peaceful sleep. The sleep she had been getting was plagued of the memory of the event or nightmarish versions of it. Although she still hadn’t come to terms with the fact it was a reality.

But the scar on her stomach was evidence enough.

Taking in a few deep breath, she turned off the tap stopping the water. She stood there for a moment longer, griping the sink in both hands as to try and ground herself. She was trying to brace herself for today.

She knew it wasn’t going to be easy. She would most likely suffer for the whole day. But she had to go back at some point, and if she didn’t now, then she never would.

(Y/N) let out a slow breath and pushed herself off the sink and slowly made her way out of her bathroom. She now face a new challenge; getting dressed. She already had her clothes laid out on her bed, but she didn’t quiet know how to go about it. If she were in any other state, it would be simple. But the injury to her stomach made it all the more difficult.

It had been six months almost to the day since it happened. She had been at home for those six months, bored out of her mind and in incredible pain. She spent most of her day in bed for it was too much to move. Only getting up to use the bathroom, get a drink or make some food. But even doing that let her in excruciating pain and short of breath.

The highlight of her week would be when Javier would come round to visit her, to check on her. He always brought over some ice cream because it was easy to eat, plus she loved it. But since he had been delving deeper and deeper into the Cali Cartel, he had been flying between Bogotá and Cali quite a lot so his visits became less and less frequent, leaving her all alone with her nightmares.

But she didn’t blame Javi for leaving her alone. He was doing his job and she wasn’t prepared to get in the way of that. She was convinced that if it wasn’t for him, she would be dead anyway. She was immensely thankful to have him as a friend.

(Y/N) was also thankful that the ambulance showed up when it did. Not just because it meant she got to the hospital quicker, but because she was a second away from confessing how much she loved him. She believed she was in the verge of death and didn’t want to go without telling him, but she knew if she did, she would have to live with the embarrassment that he did not feel the same. They were friends. Just friends.

Somehow she managed to get changed into her fresh clothes. Today she was returning to work. Ambassador Crosby had warned her against it saying she still needed time to rest both physically and mentally, Javi said this too but she couldn’t spend another minute at home on her own. She had to get back to work.

The journey from her apartment to her car took twice as long than it should have, and the journey from her car (in her car) to the embassy was just the same, but that was partly due to traffic.

When she finally made it to the embassy, she couldn’t bring herself to get out of her car. She sat and watched people walk in and out of the building. To them, everything was normal. But to (Y/N), having to walk back into the building was like walking into the jaws of death.

(Y/N) leant her head on the steering wheel and squeezed her eyes shut, drawing in shaky breaths as she tried to calm herself down and hype herself up for going back inside. “Come on (Y/N)” she whispered to herself “you got this far. Just a few more steps and you’ll be there”

She drew in a few more breaths before grabbing her bag and pulling herself out of her car. She took her time in walking to the embassy, those who were outside gave her looks as she walked past them but she tried her best to ignore them. But when she got inside it was no better. Everyone looked at her and whispered amongst themselves. She was the desk agent that got shot. Thats what she was known as now. Not the smiley, happy, caring agent she was before. She was the one who got shot.

To get to her own office she had to walk past Javi’s. She looked into it and saw it was empty. She also noticed that Van Ness and Feistl’s desks were empty too, meaning they were all out scoping for leads in the Cali cartel, most likely in Cali.

Finally she got to her office and saw a pile of papers on her desk. At least she would have something to distract her. At the top of the pile was a note from the Ambassador welcoming her back and telling her to take it easy.

She sat down in her chair and let out a sigh as she examined the stack of files she had been left to deal with. She grabbed a pen and the top file and began getting to work trying to focus only on the paper rather than the nightmarish visions at the back of her mind crawling closer and deeper into her.

It can’t have been any more than ten minutes before she got a sharp pain in her stomach causing her to stop and sit back in her chair. She was overcome by sudden frustration at the fact that she couldn’t even do her work.

“What are you doing back?” Came a voice form the door way. She looked up and saw Javi standing there.

“Working” she mumbled picking up her pen again.

“Clearly you’re in a fit state to be working” he said.

“I cleared it with Crosby”

“And he told you to take another few weeks off” Javi stepped into her office and closed the door before taking the chair opposite her and crossing one leg over the other “like I did. Why didn’t you listen?”

“You can’t say that” she said with a slight smile “you didn’t listen to me. You remember when we were still in training and you literally shattered your leg? I told you to rest but you came back way too soon”

“That was different (Y/N)” he told her “that was my own fault”

“And so was this” she told him “I’m the one who jumped in front of the bullet after all...”

There was a heavy silence over the two of them as she just stared at the piece of paper on her desk. There were so many thing Javier wanted to say to her. So many things he could’ve said to break the silence but he was scare the open his mouth. Scared that everything he wanted to say would just tumble out of his mouth in a mess that she couldn’t understand and he’d embarrass himself in front of her. But it was selfish of him to be thinking about his own stupid problems when the woman he loved took a bullet for him. But there was one question that was at the forefront of his mind.

“Are you okay?” He asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. He watched her as she dropped her pen again and her bottom lip trembled. She brought her hand to her forehead and turned her head from him slightly.

(Y/N) drew in a sharp breath before she started to cry quietly. She didn’t want him to see but there was nothing that could stop him considering he was sat right in front of her. Javier stood from his chair and pulled it round to her so he was sat beside her. He rested his hands on her thighs, rubbing them in a loving manner.

“I’m sorry Javi” she sobbed into her hands “I’m so sorry”

“Hey,” he said softly as he reached out to grab her hands to pulled them from her face making her look at him. His heart sank when he saw her bloodshot, watery eyes. A similar broken look in her as to when it happened. “You’ve got nothing to be sorry for” he said rubbing the back of her hands with his thumbs.

“I was an idiot...” she sniffed.

“Yeah, you were” he agreed with a nod making her laugh slightly. “But I would’ve done the same for you” he told her quietly.

“Javi..”

“I’m serious (Y/N). Had it been the other way round, I would’ve taken a bullet for you”

“I wouldn’t want you to do that for me”

“And I didn’t want you to do it for me” he said “and...I’ve never been more scared in my life” he paused for a moment. His grip on her hands tightening as he swallowed thickly trying not to cry himself. “The thought of loosing you...I couldn’t do this without you (Y/N). I couldn’t live in a world without you. You mean more to me than you will ever know...”

He saw tears fall to her hands and heard her drew in shaky breaths. He moved further to her and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into his chest. She gripped his suit jacket and sobbed into his shirt. “I’m so sorry Javier. I don’t want to live without you”

“You won’t (Y/N). I’m going to help you get through this. You will get through this” he told her placing a soft kiss to her hair “I’m not going to leave you. Not this time”

04/01/21

Taglist: @linkpk88 @phoenixhalliwell @lunaserenade

[damselofblueroses]

The Children of Paradise

Summary: Set three years after the Rumbling, a young captain of Paradise Island, Anna Doukaina suddenly learned that her husband alive during the Paradisian Revolution.

Chapter Summary: After one month that Anna spent in the Doukaina's (Levi's Tea Shop) she was more than ready to explode. One day she decided to visit the Library and she had to face a couple of realities which she had no idea. This chapter contains a temporary health issue, if you can be negatively triggered by fainting, becoming numb or the loss of conscious please do not continue :)

Warnings: MANGA SPOILERS AND ESPECIALLY CHAPTER 139, Descriptions of Depression and Grief, Mentions of Death, Emotional Hurt. Progress of the fiction contains nsfw / Smut, minors please do not.

Note: The idea of Paradisian Revolution and the transformation of Historia Reiss are the offspring of my imagination, I would like to think about how would Levi’s aftermath of the Rumbling be in my head after I read chapter 139 :)

Word Count: 6.5k

Chapter Two: the Ouroboros

“Mrs. Ackerman?” I heard the voice of little kid, Sofia and turned to the source of voice. She was jumping to me by holding a bunch of daisies and dandelions. “Paul told me to give you these flowers.”

I kneeled down to blond girl who was always so lovely, her brown eyes were shining, and her checks were flushing with pink. I patted her head then gave her a piece of chocolate.

“Thank you very much, Sofia. When you and Paul visit me again?”

“We will come in the afternoon, Mrs. Ackerman.” she danced around me. “Gabi and Falco said that they will take us from school today and we can assist them in order to run the café.”

“You are a good girl, you know that.” I smiled. She could be my child. “But do you remember what I asked? Do not call me Mrs. Ackerman, I prefer to be called as Anna but if you want to call me with a surname, call me as Doukaina.”

“I cannot do that!” her eyes instantly became wider, stopped leaping around me like a cannibal. “We are told that we always have to call you by Mr. Ackerman’s name.”

“Who told you this?” I could feel my hands automatically turned into fists.

“Mr. Ackerman.” she was too naïve. “He is very serious, and also Paul strongly advises me to not cause Mr. Ackerman’s anger.”

“Yeah.” I murmured to little girl. “He is a short-tempered man. Anyway, Sofia, call me Anna whenever you will feel more relaxed, okey?”

Her face was telling me that she never would dare to go against Mr. Ackerman’s orders, but I did not say anything on the issue. Instead, I talked with her nonchalantly, made her more excited for the afternoon we were going to share then accompanied her till her house where was two apartments away from Doukaina’s.

Yes.

That bastard dared to name his fucking café after my name.

After leaving Sofia to her house, I came back to the café and tethering my teeth to the name. I was storming to the upstairs.

In the last one month, which I spent by refusing to talk with that motherfucker instead of expressing my thoughts on divorce and grunting a lot, I had a first-handed report on how much that bastard continued on his life without me.

I was in everywhere and nowhere.

The café had been under the Rules of Doukaina that Onyankopon had a civilized conversation with me after that bastard literally seized me in his home. He explained the rules while he was hoping that it would be a catalyser for me to calm down, nope, but I just listened to him without showing an expression. Basically, the rules included what I would like or not, and Captain Ackerman decided to run his own business by accepting my tastes as the standards.

His strategy works very well, Onyankopon shamelessly says.

What the heck I was, his strategy? His experimental rat?

I was fuming after that conversation, but I could manage to hold my anger and pain inside of me. Instead, I remained silent, ignored him when he came back to home, I refused to have dinner with him, I rejected every kind of proposes from him.

After Onyankopon, Gabi and Falco came to me.

Their visits were always hard because of two reasons.

Falco was a sweetheart; I could not refuse his kindness and Gabi had no idea on giving up even if when the occasion called for it. And trust me, my mental and emotional situations definitely called for silence, but Gabi did not get any signals. She told me a lot of stories on a vast range, starting from how horrible Mr. Ackerman was to how much he had been getting through.

Their visits always rip a brick off my invisible wall against him.

When I stayed by myself, and I generally chose to be alone, I realized the real reason of my presence here. It was the most painful part, I could not leave but it was not because of Levi had captured me against my will, I could not find the power of leaving him even though I have already refused even wishing a good day to him.

I cannot leave him, if I will set my foot on my way back to Paradise, I know that I cannot survive this time.

Everything I said, everything I had been doing did not mean a single thing. I was aware of my love to him, although I was broken into pieces because of him.

In this one month, every day I could see his face. Grumpy, unhappy, full of scars, deeply wounded, not like Captain Levi Ackerman who I knew in the past.

But, to my dismay I always loved Levi Ackerman, not the humanity’s strongest, not that legendary and reluctant hero.

I loved that fucking surly, petulant, grouchy, peeved, easily pissed off, clean freak, bossy, dominant and bad-mouthed Levi Ackerman who was always on my side. I loved that shorty who was reliable, extremely strong, capable of many things, careful, kind when the occasion calls for it and very clever.

He was my partner on the battlefield, my friend in the Headquarters, my lover in our tiny place.

Bearing witness of our separated 3 years did not help me to keep my anger against him, however, I had been trained by someone who was famous to hold grudges and has a small piece of forgiveness in the heart.

I was not only Levi’s but also Levi’s sculpture. He craved me with his heart and mind during the years of my training and beyond. Even our marriage bed was a training field.

Oh Jesus, when I remembered that night, a sudden flush attacked to my face, I could feel the heat on my cheeks.

I vividly remember Levi’s voice when he was praising me for being the best one for him although I was inexperienced till that night.

Can you stop remembering unnecessary memories?!

No.

I grunted to my useless brain and moved out of my tiny room. Levi gave me a room in his place when I refused to be in the same area with him. What a gentleman!

He knows you cannot afford a house, and he would kill someone instead of letting go to a hotel. He wants to keep you in front of his eyes, you were absent for a long time, Onyankopon said to me. He always believes he never see you again but all of a sudden you appeared.

If he wanted to keep me with him, why he did not come to fetch me after war, I asked to Onyankopon. He half smiled to me and told me this is a question to be asked to Levi himself. Only he could give me an answer, Onyankopon did not want to interfere our personal lives at this level.

Well, I guessed he interfered a lot but still I did not force him to tell me.

Levi’s flat was the second floor of his café, so I came down of the stairs in order to get fresh air. Levi was working behind Doukaina’s counter, he was dealing with bunch of customers whose I was getting familiar with some of them. When they saw me, they greeted me with their heads, I reciprocated by denying Levi’s strong presence. His eyes were piercing my back, I could feel it, but I refused to take a look back, I grab my coat and bag, then I stepped out of Doukaina’s.

He named his fucking café after me, how should I feel about this? Proud? No fucking way, every time I looked at this name, I lost my nuts.

He managed to be happy without me but living with my shadow. How could I forgive this?

I took a deep breath and started to walk on the street. My foot knew the way, the direction. I was heading to the library. To be honest, I was really so bored because of sitting on my back, it was not something I was familiar with. I had to keep myself busy, and I had to figure a way out in order to be back to Paradise.

With or without Levi.

After one month, observing him without talking, taught me that I could not be that cold-hearted bitch even if I desperately wanted to be. I could not tear him off his life, there was no possible option to try. He built a life for himself, Gabi and Falco, and Onyankopon.

How could I be so heartless taking them into our hell again?

They sacrificed a lot.

Sometimes I looked at Levi and I saw a middle-aged man who spent his life on battlefields, who lost everyone dear to him. His scars telling me how bad he hurt, sometimes he had been making a low-pitched grunt because of pain caused by his leg. He kept working on, but I could easily tell how much physical pain he was in. Falco secretly told me he was seeing a doctor, however there was no treatment to cure his wounded muscles.

And his eye.

I could not forget about his gleamy, metallic grey eyes and piercing look he could give with them. Now, he lost one of them, all the scars on his face, I bet my life on he felt like he was a beast.

Well, he was always a beast but a handsome beast.

Now, I could bet even my life on he felt like cannot be loved because he was no longer the humanity’s strongest, he was no longer Captain Levi Ackerman.

He was only Levi from Doukaina’s, the owner of a little tea shop, a semi-quasi father for a Marleyan kiddo gang.

How can you explain that to Armin? He believes you are trying to persuade Levi to comeback.

I have zero fucks to give the Revolution.

I was in a really darker mood when I reached to the library. The familiar scent of books got my senses immediately and eased my temper.

“Hello, Ms.” I heard the lady at the desk. “How can I help you?”

“Hello. I want to renew my membership to library.” I took my old card out of my purse. “Actually, I was a member, but it has been too long, so I do not know if I have to get a new card.”

“Let me see.” she reached to my membership card, and she gasped. “Miss Doukaina? Is that you?”

“Um, yeah?” I was confused because of her reaction. “Is that something wrong?”

“No!” she yelled and realized where we were and pressed her hand into her mouth. “I am sorry, but we have heard a lot about you. The headmaster will be extremely happy to see you again!”

“Is Angelo still here?” I proclaimed. “Really?”

“Yes, he did not retire yet.” she beamed. “Let me call him, or do you prefer to visit him by yourself?”

“I can go to his office.” I grinned like a Cheshire cat for this unexpected piece of news. “If you allow me, of course.”

“Be my guest.” she looked like I was a very good present and she definitely looked like she wanted to tell me something. I raised one of my eyebrows to push her, she could not hold it back anymore. “Forgive my boldness but I really admire your works!”

“Thank you.” I was surprised but I had to admit that I liked her boldness. I always liked to hear someone liked the works of my brain, it really meant a lot after killing titans and people like an endless string. I did not wish to be praised because of being a good fighter but hearing a praise because of being a good student or librarian was something else. “I am glad to hear that, I did not know they still have my work.”

“Your books are highly demanded both from colleges and individuals.” she smiled like a freak. I easily recognized the pattern of being a fan of someone, her face reminded me my face when I was trained by Levi. I know these shiny eyes, this excitement, this admiration. “I never think I could see you in person.”

“Maria,” another teenager appeared from the door behind of desk. “Headmaster calls for yo- Oh. I am sorry I did not see you Ms.”

“Fred,” she exhaled. “Do you know who is she? She is Miss Anna Doukaina!”

“What?” the young boy’s face went into blank he was literally frozen. “Who?”

“Anna Doukaina!” Maria repeated. “She came back!”

“A-An-,” Fred shuttered. “You must be kidding me; everyone knows she lives in Paradise!”

“Well, you are right.” I interrupted. “I am currently visiting Marley since there is no restriction on visiting people.”

“Yeah. You. Anna. Wow. Doukaina. You are right.” Fred’s eyes became widest, for a second, I thought he could manage to gauge them out only by looking at me. “Wow. Anna Doukaina is here.”

“What Fred means,” Maria stood up by giving her colleague criticizing look. “We do not expect to see you in Marley again after the speculations.”

“Speculations?” I cocked my eyebrow again. “What kind of speculations if I may ask?”

“Well, your husband lives in Marley without you, right? Both of you are famous names, he was a hero amongst people, you were named as a genius and people talks.” She at least managed to seem as embarrassed, but I could see the curiosity burned in her eyes. “You got your degree from Academia while your husband opened a café in the capital, but no one saw you guys together. Everyone believed that you guys divorced, after you went back to Paradise, most of us thought that you would not be back.”

“Holy shit.” I could not hold it. “I did not know we were a material for gossip.”

“You were topic number 1, actually.” Fred spilled the beans. “Especially when you refused to see Mr. Ackerman, a lot of husbands were condemning you.”

“What?”

“When you refused to see Mr. Ackerman,” Fred repeated himself like he was talking something quite natural. “A lo-

“Could you give me a moment, please?” I raised my hand.

“Are you okey?” Maria reached to me with a genuine worry.

“I am fine, thank you.” I replied but I could feel the panic attacks on the way, my breathing was becoming heavier, and my heart was pounding too fast. Bad combination.

“Fetch me a glass of water.” I heard another voice while the room is really starting to spin around me. “Quickly!”

A voice that was familiar to give orders.

A voice that was extremely grumpy but always managed to give me thrills.

The room was becoming darker, I knew that I was losing my sight and conscious for the first time in the last 5 years. Strong, muscled arms held me between their protection, before I fainted, I knew who was holding me.

Levi.

Levi Ackerman, an hour ago

“Oi, brat!” I looked at Falco, he was breathing too fast, and his face was totally red when he made an entrance to Doukaina’s. And his shoes are dirty, fucking hell. “What happened?”

“Mrs. Ackerman!” he yelled. “She is going to the library!”

“Shit.” I hissed between my teeth. Fucking woman. “Are you sure?”

“Yes, Gabi saw her on the road. Does she know these people’s thoughts on her?”

“Of course not.” I untied my apron and throw it to Falco. “You are on charge, handle the rest.”

I did not waste a second, rushed to the road. I was definitely fuming, she did not know a single thing about the gossips on our not-so-well relationship, but for a while we were a quite popular topic for every living creature of Marley.

She does not know the curses of patriarchal system of Marleyan society about her, she does not know they label her as the cold-hearted bitch of Paradise.

She had been acting as a tough nut but there was a very fragile little girl inside of her heart, I knew it very well. If she were going to learn those gossips, she would be broken deeply. Even though, she has been ignoring me, I was aware of her true feelings, she did never want to be apart from me.

That’s why she could not forgive me, but she stayed with me.

I never want her to get caught up my mess, and I knew she would fight for me for her dear life, so I thought the only way was leave her to believe that I was dead. It would be better if she were not around me, but the only way to make it possible was building a barrier between us. There was no need for her to learn how many days I spent just missing her, just longing for her, hating myself so bad for letting her to go.

Yet, even with my rightful excuses and reasons, I deeply acknowledged the dire need of apologizing her over and over, begging for her forgiveness which I barely contained inside of myself.

Not seeing her around me was a hell of journey.

But seeing her around me was the worst scenario one could imagine, and I was being caught in really horrible situations since I was a boy in Underground.

She was my devoted girl, in terms of Hange’s very obvious language. She dedicated all of her to me with an incredible fidelity. When we were tying the bow, before the ceremony, before she vowed as my wedded wife, she was already the bone of my bone, the blood of my blood.

“Fucking hell.” I buzzed at my goddamn leg while I was walking to the library. It was making me slower, I hated being unable to do what I want as physically.

If I could have my body and strength as usual, the only thing I would do was taking her into my arms and having her over and over again like a fucking ouroboros.

I cursed behind my mouth and tried to walk faster. I had to catch that idiot before she was getting in touch with those poisonous vipers. However, I had to admit that what made me obnoxious more than I supposed to be not only those vipers, but also my unconscious contribution to that fucking cauldron of gossip. While I was keeping myself as invisible from her eyes when she was having an education here, I did not think of the things people could figure it out. They learned about Paradise, they learned about us, they talked about us, and everything was combined with each other.

In the end, she was labelled as an ungrateful bitch, and I was upgraded to faithful husband. I could not fix anything since I was bloody busy on hiding but hearing those comments about her fed me with pain.

She can be anything but being an ungrateful one? Do not make me laugh.

When I reached to destination, I quickly prayed for anything which could help me. I dearly hoped for she was not having any undesirable piece of information; I directly went into the entrance.

Godfuckingdamnit, she heard.

That was the first thing came to my mind when I saw her posture. Her shoulders were fallen down, her hands were shaking, and her face was nothing but full of agony. There were a couple around her, a boy and girl, they were trying to ask her if she was okey or not.

Do you think she is okey, you motherfuckers?

“Fetch me a glass of water!” I howled to them and attempted to catch Anna. “Quickly!”

Her body replied to my body immediately, fucking hell, her tensed muscled became a little bit softer when I grasped her between my arms. She was getting numb; her knees were twisting.

We had been here before.

Last time she fainted on me; we were butchering a bunch of titans.

I wonder if she carries the ODM scars still on her waist…

Is there anyone sees those little strings after me?

What the fuck I am thinking?

“Do not fucking dare to faint on me again.” I grunted but I held her as tight as I could dare of. She belongs to me, she is my bloody wife, damnit. “Keep calm and take deep breathes.”

“I am not going to faint.” she whispered, her voice was really weak, but I could hear her in every situation. Holy shit, I heard her voice when she fallen into a shitshow of titans and covered by her own blood during the clash of battlefield sounds!

We shared too many things.

“Yes, last time you said you were not going to faint, I had to carry you back to headquarters.”

“You were happy, weren’t you?” she mumbled. “I gave you the change of touching my body.”

“Hella, if I wanted to touch you, I would do before you found yourself between a titan sandwich.”

“Only in your dreams.” she said but her voice was getting weakest. I knew she was going to faint before the water, she closed her eyes, her hand dropped to the ground then the boy turned from the corner.

“Where did you get the water?” I yelled. “From Paradise?”

“I am sorry, Mr. Ackerman.” he shuttered. “There is a line in front of automatons.”

“Put that glass.” I turned to the girl. “I have only two questions to both of you. What did you say to her, and do you have something like cologne?”

“I have cologne!” the boy rushed to the back of counter desk. He left his colleague to my definitely dreadful gaze, what a companion, the girl started to slightly shake. I just looked at her by cocking my eyebrow.

“What did you say to her?”

“We did not sa-

“She fainted, let’s give up on acting and tell me what she learned from you enough to make her to lose her conscious. Before I am going to get angry.”

“She told her about the gossips.” I heard the boy’s little squeaks. “She left you, didn’t she?”

“As I thought.” I mumbled and stood up by carrying Anna’s body. “How much you told her? Tell me the whole story.”

“I swear I just talked about the speculations!” the girl angrily looked at the boy. “He told about Mrs. Ackerman’s refusal to see and its impacts on communi-

“How much you said?” I walked into the bench. “How much?”

“Just refusal!” he really screamed; his face was completely whitened. “I did not tell anything about her nickname, cold-hearted bitch!”

“If you will use that nickname again, you will not have a tongue to speak again.” I pressed on every letter of the sentence. “Tell this to everyone you know, if I hear a single word against my wife, you can be sure of I am capable of slicing living creatures like you can slice a bread.”

“O-okey!”

“Now, hold the door for us.” I turned to the main doors and walked out of the building by carrying Anna.

Carrying Anna?

What?

Anna Doukaina, after 4 hours

I woke up with a terrible headache.

Let me rephrase. I woke up because of a terrible headache.

“Here.” I heard a grumpy voice and a hand without two fingers came into my sight. “Swallow.”

I tried to move but his hand pressed me on the soft layer, a bed I guess, again.

“Feel free to lie down there. You have to rest according to the orders of doctor, so no sudden movements but you will spend a day here.”

Why a doctor came to see me?

My mind was foggy, slow to recall the last memories I had, however while I was having the pills that Levi gave me, I remembered the very last moments before I lost my conscious.

I was fainted.

Okey.

I was fainted on Levi.

Damnit.

I was fainted on Levi after I asked him if he was happy with me or not.

Godfuckingdamnit.

My mind corporate with me in the worst way I could imagine of. Those words of two receptionist, labelling me as an ungrateful wife, careless woman who did not consider her beloved one reminded me everything.

“I cannot open my eyes.” I lied to him. I know Levi is here and I am sure he did not leave me for a second, he waited me to open my eyes. I do not want to see him. “But I am pretty well, so you can go back to work.”

“I do not want to.” he plainly answered. “I will stay, and I know you can open your eyes if you want. But I respect your decision to keep them closed. I am not someone who is worth to look.”

“What?” I fell on his bloody trap and immediately looked at him.

“Oi.” he smirked. Smirk? “It is good to see you are awake.”

“How many minutes I was unconscious?” I asked but I could feel all the heat of embarrassment as I hopelessly tried to change the subject. This is why I hate being with Levi, I become a stupid, lovesick girl!

“Almost 4 hours passed after you fainted on me.” he seemed nonchalant as he informed me; my chin was dropped. 4 hours?! “I have to say, I am impressed. The last time you were fainted for almost half an hour.”

“It was not the last time.” I could not catch what I said, then I pressed my hand onto my mouth, but it was fucking too late. Levi’s eyebrows furrowed and he gazed at me while he was trying to figure what I meant.

“I will not force you to tell me,” he murmured, and he took my hand off my mouth. You are damn close, Ackerman! “But I really appreciate if you can share when you were fainted after that incident.”

“When I heard about the explosion.” I replied. I was too tired of being hiding from Levi. “I thought you were dead.”

Levi did not answer to me, instead of words, he was using his goddamn eyes. I always believed his eyes could see my heart and soul, even the deeps that I did not know anything about.

“Were you,” he cleared his throat after looking at me for a while. “Upset?”

“Ha?” I inhaled while my mind just left the building. “I thought you were dead; I was not upset. I wanted to die but I had to wait for you to be back to me. What would happen if you appeared in our home and could not find me? That was the only thought kept me alive.”

“How much you heard about explosion?” his voice was cracked. Full of fear. Anxiety.

“I knew that monkey exploded himself. No one told me in detail, no fucking one tell me that you are alive. I guess, they think I am nothing to you even though I carry your name.”

“I wanted them to shut their mouth about me.” Levi was a sweet talker as always. “I did not want my situation keeping you back from living your life as fully.”

“And what does it mean?” I managed to lift my upper body by gaining strength from my elbows. “Do you know how many days I spent mourning for you? Do you know how it was, believing that you were dead because of a monkey, because of Commander Smith, because of our goddamn world’s cruelty? An I had to continue on that way until the end!”

I could not control myself anymore, it was too much, overwhelming and suffocating. I just wanted to scream everything I have been holding inside out off my chest. I was definitely not in my best physical condition, and I really preferred to have this conversation in a situation which I would be at my best self-confidence time, but no. It was too late for that.

“Do you know how much I cried? Have you ever thought about me even for little while you are exactly aware of my devotion to you? How could you decide leaving me behind, in a total darkness by yourself? Not because once I was your wife, I was your comrade and you left me with the feelings like how you felt after Commander Erwin passed out.”

“Look at me!” he literally grunted towards me. “I am not the guy you have been knowing in the past anymore, I cannot give anything to you, unless you are fine with a small tea shop where is full of tea leaves, two Marleyan kids and a retired soldier’s company. And me, as wrecked, wounded to death, like a scumbag. How could I comeback to home like nothing happened to me, and face with you when you just having a change of living a normal life after war?”

This was the longest speech Levi gave to me till now, and we had almost half of our lives together.

“Do you think I could take you out of my mind even for a bloody second after I woke up in a fucking, dirty and cold barn? You were the last thought of me when that motherfucker exploded my cart, you were fucking crying and lamenting for me, you lost your smile, I knew that you could not overcome my death although the promises we gave to each other, I cold-heartly killed my subordinates before the explosion after they became fucking titans, but I cannot deal with the idea of you being dead. You are the only one I cannot sacrifice of. Do not act like you were alone in pain, I carried that burden, you have no idea how much I missed you, you were carved into my eyelids, I did not spend a fucking minute as not dreaming of you.”

“You should have let me know.” I gritted my teeth. To be honest, I was impressed by his honesty. Levi was always honest; however, he had never been vocal about his own feelings, I knew for once he loved me, but I had never ever heard those three words, eight letters. “There is nothing left to be said by you, you cannot find an excuse for your choice.”

“I do not try to find an excuse.” Levi said. “I explained how I felt to you until you appeared in front of my door, for a long time I strongly believed that you were a ghost.”

“What do you expect?” I hissed at him. “Do you think I can easily forget your misbehaviour? I know you like knowing the back of my hand, you always choose the way that makes you less regretful and you chose to leave me behind.”

“I did.” he inhaled. “And that was the best choice to make. I could not drag you into my shit.”

“How could you do that?” I asked but all my anger left me. I suddenly started to feel like I was empty, there was nothing but pain. “How could you, Levi? I was your wife.”

“You are my wife.” he grabbed my hand. Did he really believe that he could change our hiatus? My emotions were remained untouched, maybe he could be right on his mindset, maybe he really thought about me and tried his best in order to keep me out of his personal hell, however it did not help me to overcome all the sleepless nights I had. I pulled my hand back out of his fingers. I was searching for this hand during the long nights he caused, and there was no guarantee he would not leave me again. If he would decide on leaving me behind was the best thing to do, he would do it immediately. He would not ask my opinion, he would leave me alone with only my thoughts, my memories of him and he would let me to eat myself alive. I could almost taste the bitterness on my tongue, I could not let his poor reprimands to break my walls while my wavering feelings of abandonment conquered me.

Rain hitting the windowpane above, not a playful and soft type of rain. That was cruel rain that beating the life out of city. Suitable for us.

“You are my wife, Anna.” he repeated himself. “Should I remind it to you, goddamn, I can happily do it.”

His face transformed into something I have ever seen in his features. His Aegean eyes turned into a stormy sea in a second, burning with unnamed desires which I was also feeling in the deeps of my heart. Determination conquered his fucking handsome face, and there was fear. Self-hatred. Regret. But much to my dismay, there was a dire need of teaching me a lesson that set his soul on fire.

I have been knowing this face of Levi. I have been there before.

I knew when he got me and he knew he did.

In a blink of an eye, before I could take any position to defend myself, he grabbed my wrists and pulled me to his arms. He was fucking strong for a man who lost his strength! I quickly realized the potential danger I was in. If he would touch me, I knew that my heart did not spend even a second to betray my mind. That would be the nail in my coffin.

Even though the haziness of my mind slowed my reactions, I covered my face with my hands.

“Do not fucking dare.” I dropped my voice tone as I was informed on, I looked more intimating when I threat someone with lower tone. I did not tone down my wording, there was no place to be gentler with words, I was going to use my curses and I had quite a vocabulary. “If you lay even a finger on me, that’s going to be only way makes you regretful.”

“Maybe.” he did not try to take my hands off my face, and he literally locked me in his embrace. “I assume so.”

“If you do,” I struggled to get rid of his arms around me. “Why don’t you use your brain and let me go? For a better life?”

“So smart.” he huffed once in laughter. What the fuck? The tension of the room changed into something I really did not want even to think of naming it. “I do not have intention to let you go. Never again, brat.”

“Levi, I swear on everything you can believe, if you do not le-

“What will you do?” he interrupted me. “According to you, I already fucked the things up and you told me you will never give me your forgiveness. What makes a difference between not being forgiven for a sin or for two sins?”

“This is the shittiest logic I have ever heard, and I was in Military Police for a while.” I forgot to press my hands onto my face due to his unexpected, unpleasant, and twisted thought about forgiveness. “I do not know where you learned about sins, asking for forgiveness or literally remission, but I think you lost couple of important points.”

What I missed was while I was lecturing him on forgiveness, I let my hands down and I had been sitting on Levi Ackerman’s thighs.

More importantly, he was definitely not the type of man who miss a chance to perform what he aimed for.

He caught my hands immediately and he pressed his lips into mine.

When I felt his velvety lips on my mouth after fucking years, that sensation made me numb in a nanosecond. My logic just left the room, left me with my dire need for Levi. His hands. His lips. His love. Everything about him, I just need Levi, Godfuckingdamnit he always affected me like anaesthesia.

He kissed me and it made me felt like I was breathing again.

I could feel he loosened his tight grip around my wrists by the fact that I was definitely not fighting with him, on the contrary, I was responding to him in the way he wanted. I knew that I was going to be extremely ashamed of what the heck I was doing right now, but even the sorrowness eating me every day refused taking the control of my body back, I felt like my flesh gained an independent character who was begging to my soul for keeping the things as they were happening right now.

Levi was kissing me. His goddamn lips made me feel like I was alive.

The Ouroboros that living inside of me started to comeback into life. With every move Levi made, I could feel Ouroboros biting itself inside of me by releasing the poison.

“No.” I broke the kiss and pressed my hands to his shoulders in order to keep him away from me. He was heavily breathing, his beautiful face became pinkish while his lips shading with darker red, and his eyes, goddamn, his eyes were burning with passion.

He looked like a god, and I hated him for his level of good-looking to my bits.

I was burning too but my fire was caused by different reasons except one, the reciprocated hunger for each other was remained same between Levi and me, to my dismay I strongly felt it. However, the anger was growing in me was for both of us. To him, for his fucking departure and leaving me by myself and his shitty excuses, building a life without me, living a life in the shadows, and running away from me. The list never ends. To myself, for loving him as much as the first day I realized how much I devoted my heart to him and never manage to overcome my love for him even though I had to.

“I love you.” he said. “You fucking know, I spent my life by loving you, brat.”

Maybe there was an earthquake.

Maybe there were bombs exploding all over Marley or Paradise.

Maybe there was a chain of natural disasters which happening right now.

But I could not understand even if I would be brutally killed in this very moment.

He finally said that he loved me.

“If you say no, I will not do anything.” he murmured. “Just tell me.”

I stared at him, how could he be a total moron and did not see how I was amazed by his long-awaited confession? Inside of me, I was screaming, swearing, crying, laughing, and cursing at full speed but I was frozen in reality.

Let me introduce Levi Ackerman to you.

A blockhead, humanity’s strongest and my Ouroboros literally and figuratively eating me alive.

My Levi.

“May I continue to kiss you?”

[captaincravatthecapricious]

Crutches- Prompt Fill

cw broken bones, food, internalized ableism, dizziness, headaches

Card by the wonderful @celosiaa! I am still accepting bingo prompts! Please send me more because the starred ones are back written already! Send me a prompt and a character and let me know if you want a drawing or writing!

Navigating the London underground on crutches had been trying to say the least.  But, Jon has gotten very good at navigating it with his cane, so out of sheer spite, he managed it without incident. 

He is still clumsy on them, and by the time he reaches the university, he is more than out of breath, having to stop and use his inhaler before he can reach his classroom.  (He will not be sharing that information with Martin, no way.  He is Fine, and that would only cause worry, and Martin has enough to worry about being an EMT).  

Of course the annoying thing is that he broke his Good leg.  

Of course he manages to break his one more functional leg.  What a very Jonathan Sims thing to do.  

He sighs.  He does not want to explain this to his students.  (And he certainly doesn’t want to explain this to Tim and Sasha, but of course they are coming over for dinner.  Actually… he’s grateful that they don’t already know.  Somehow he actually managed to calm Martin down and talk him out of calling them.  Jon leaned hard into the look I’m fine!  It’s a clean break!  It hardly hurts!  It’s fine!  I’ve had much worse, please don’t fuss!  I’m still conscious and everything! Thing.)

Frankly, it’s embarrassing.  

He misses the days where he would just… heal.  

He might still.  Well, he certainly would the old fashion way, but his recovery might be faster than normal.  Physical injuries are still a little aided by his connection to the Eye, however weakened that connection might be.  Doesn’t do Shit for illnesses, but as much as his EDS causes him to bruise, the bruises don’t stick around for too long.  

Just have to wait and see.  

His students stare.  

Jon shivers.  

He tries not to think about the Institute.  He tries not to think about the prickle on the back of his neck… the feeling of eyes on him when there was no one around.  Don’t be daft, Jonathan, you can see the students right there.  You can see their eyes.  You are just their odd professor who looks even more haggard and beat up than usual.  

He Feels much more haggard than usual.  And he’s shaking from the albuterol.  

“Professor, what happened?” One of his students ask as he maneuvers the podium so he can drop his bag.  

He curses at the lack of chair in the lecture hall.  He’s asked for one.  Repeatedly.  And he’s dragged his office chair in with him before, but… he doesn’t exactly have the hands to do it.  

He has to balance on one leg to dig is computer out so he can connect it to the projector.  

“I’m fine,” he answers automatically.  He was.  He is.  Just tripped like the idiot he is, and broke his good leg.  His bad leg had been throbbing since he got on the tube.  

He ignores it.  

His students eye him with clear suspicion.  Which… Jon would have worried about if… they weren’t perfectly justified.  

They had seen him faint many times, pop his hip back in place, watched him dislocate and relocate his arm, and there was the time he had the concussion, and the time he had a migraine and had fainted when someone tapped him on the shoulder, and the time when he had come to class feverish.  

These students have called Martin so many times by now.  

He deserves those cautions glances.  These kids (not really kids, but sue him, they look like kids in his eyes) are ready to call him on his bullshit.  

“I fell the other day.  I’ll be fine.  Just a broken tibia.  I’ll be fine in couple months.  Let’s get on with the lesson.”

One kid raises their hand, and Jon calls on them.  “Yes?”

“Professor Blackwood-Sims, isn’t that your good leg?”

Damn these overly observant students.  If only they payed that much attention to his lectures.  (No, that’s not fair, they are all good students.  The ones who struggle, have good reason to, and Jon has managed to get them to all come talk to him and tell him what they need to do better).  

Jon smiles tightly.  “Well… it was.  Okay, on with the lecture.”

His leg hurts.  The not broken one.  The broken one… well that hurts a little too, but not nearly as much as the one full of holes.  (They are both full of holes, but one was wormed much more thoroughly and hasn’t been the same since.)

Balancing on one leg proves difficult as he’s hit by dizziness.  He’s been standing too long.  Too long on his bad leg, and the tension and pain have given him a headache bad enough that he’s had one of his students turn off the lights.  He can’t face the light of the projector, so he gives the lecture angling away from it.  

One of his students offers to run the PowerPoint so he can sit in one of the desks as he teaches, but he turns her down.  There are only a few minutes left.  He can make it.  Then he can get home and take some painkillers and shower before Tim and Sasha come to dinner.  

He knows he can cancel, but he doesn’t want to.  He’s more dreading having explain what happened.  

He reaches the flat quickly enough.  He should have time to shower and cook.  He hopes.  

He swallows some painkillers dry (just a few so he can still take more before bed and not worry Martin by pushing the recommended doses too far) and works his way out of his work clothes while sitting on the bed.  It isn’t fun.  

He swallows his pride and uses the shower seat.  He hates it.  He hates that he needs it, yes, but honestly it’s more an issue with the textured plastic under his naked skin.  It feels… wrong.  Both because it reminds him of the circus, and because it’s just a bad texture.  It also feels gross… as in unclean.  He cleans it vigorously often, but it still doesn’t feel clean to him.  

Between the headache, and the dizziness from the hot water and several nights of poor sleep (from nightmares and trying to sleep with a cast on which gave him More nightmares), and the pain in both his legs, Jon fights back the darkness around the edges of his vision.  

He will Not pass out now.  

No.  

Will not happen.  No thank you.  No.  

He fights to keep upright and conscious.  And, surprisingly, wins that battle.  He sits on the bed again while dressing, and while braiding his hair. 

It takes him a long time.  There is a lot of hair to work with, and his scalp hurts with the intensity of his headache.  He also dallies, the more time this takes, the longer he can sit.  He should consider dragging a chair in front of the counter and a chair in front of the stove.  That could make cooking less painful.  

Well, in some ways.  

The unnatural angles are hell on his wrists when chopping.  

Lesser of two evils, however, he supposes.  

Shit.  He isn’t going to have time to finish dinner by the time Tim and Sasha arrive.  

And Martin isn’t going to be home for another hour.  He knows, he knows (not Knows, though), that they won’t mind.  Tim might even Help him cook, but… he doesn’t like being a bother.  He wants… well frankly he wants to erase the years of hurt with food (Christ, Martin has worn off on him.  Not that he minds.  He loves Martin).  

The sauce is almost done, but he hasn’t even started the pasta by the time Tim’s voice drifts through the door.  Sing-song and loud.  No knocking (thankfully).  

Jon hates that he needs the crutches to get to the door.  He hates that his vision is swimming by then too.  The painkillers took the edge off the pain, but can’t do much about the other stresses on Jon’s mortal frame.  

“Be there in a moment, or you can just let yourself in,” Jon calls back.  He has to pause and lean on the wall.  This is all very irritating.  

Apparently, Tim had already been halfway through unlocking the door, because he’s in before Jon can even finish the sentence.  

“Jesus, Jon, what did you do this time?”  Sasha exclaims, quickly, but gracefully pulling off her coat, hanging it on one of the hooks by the door.  It’s less a question than a statement.  

“Hello Sasha, Tim.  Dinner isn’t quite ready, but it’s not too far away.  In the meantime there’s wine.  Martin will be here soon, but his shift isn’t over yet.”  His eyes are closed.  Head tilted back against the wall.  The room finally stops spinning around him.  

“What did you even do?”  Tim this time.  

Jon… doesn’t meet his eyes.  He knows he is blushing, but there isn’t much to be done about that.  He mumbles.  He doesn’t know why.  He knows it won’t work.  Shoving out the words too fast to be understood.  

“What was that Jonny?”  That is a cackle.  Tim is cackling.  Tim, is very irritating… but he does love him, even when he’s teasing.  

“Tripped over my cane.”  Jon says as quickly and quietly as possible.  

“Only you, buddy.  Only You, could do something like that.  Now PLEASE SIT DOWN BEFORE YOU FALL OVER.  I can finish making dinner!”  Tim herds him to a chair.  In the kitchen, because Jon knows that Tim knows Jon won’t actually relax on the couch or the bed if he’s told to.  

“Okay, Jon, what’s left to do… No buts!  This smells amazing and I can’t fuck up pasta, probably.  At least I assume you planned pasta, because there is a box on the counter.”  Sasha says this brandishing aforementioned pasta.  

Sasha makes him tea.  Tim makes the pasta.  (Tim is absolutely the chief between the two of them.)  

“When did you last have painkillers?”  Tim asks.  

“Not too long ago.  Really I’m fine.”

Tim hmmms.  

Jon finds himself nodding off at the table by the time Martin comes home.  

He knows he’s being talked about.  

“Hey, sweetheart.  Hey?”

Jon sleepily raises his head from the table.  “Sorry, I went to work.”  

“Love, I thought you were going to Zoom in today.”  Martin doesn’t sound Angry.  But he doesn’t sound happy about this.  In Jon’s defense, he did say he would see how he felt, and he felt fine in the morning.  

Jon whines, he hates disappointing Martin.  

“We can talk about that tomorrow.”  Martin presses a kiss to his forehead.  

“Hey!  No sleeping until we eat!”  Tim.  Mock serious.  Although he will be very serious if Jon tries to skive off to sleep without some food.  

“Dinner, then I vote we cuddle Jon until he gets some rest!”  Sasha this time.  

Just like old times.  

He knows he will be teased for How he broke his leg.  He knows he and Martin will have a serious chat about him pushing himself.  

But for now there is food, and cheer, and his loved ones.