#no like seriously why did i think that was a good idea. kudos to anyone who can do that it was NOT for me.

[mosscrab]

thank fucking god i'm not going to be in the tech industry

[sobx9]

My five favourites Jiara fan fiction stories (because why not)

I would like to give the biggest kudos to fan fiction writers, especially in the Jiara fandom. Seriously, some of the works in this fandom are sooo good and we, fans, really appreciate you! Especially now, when the ship has basically ended in the show, it’s comforting to go back and read works where Jiara is happy/has a happy ending.

I envy you for being able to write that well. I have so many ideas, story lines, even dialogues for JJ and Kiara in my head but I am really struggling to write it all down. I am trying to write my first fic right now but it’s not going well at all.

Here’s my top five:

around the world - RaeOfFrickingSunshine - @rae-of-fricking-sunshine

This one is a no brainer in my head. I read so it many times. The way it portrays them falling in love over the course of their “surf” trip, there’s something so real in this about how falling in love with your best friend can look like. I also love the other topics, JJ’s strained relationship with his father, Kiara’s issue with food and body image, the bond between the Pogues. Honestly a master piece that I could talk about for hours. Only issue? There’s not more of it. Yes, there’s a part 2 which is as good as the first one, but I would honestly die to have the first part told by JJ’s perspective with more scenes from their trip.

This “rant” from Kiara is still stuck in my head, because it’s so heartbreaking and true.

“You don’t know why I’m mad? I’m mad because Pope gets concerned when I walk alone at night in Berlin – one of the safest cities in the world. I’m mad because some guy feels entitled to my body when all I’ve done is dance with him. I’m mad because whenever I say I’ve got male best friends everyone assumes I’ve fucked you all. I’m mad because everyone says be careful and oh are you wearing that out as if it’s going to be my fault that something happens to me, even if it’s someone else doing that thing. I’m mad because me changing what I wear doesn’t stop that bad thing happening, it just makes it happen to someone else. I’m mad because I’m thinking what if I did do something, did I ask for it.”

baby i'm not even in a gown (the way you want me make me want you now) - RoseofWinterfell - @whitetrashjj

Honestly, I had a hard time picking out my favourite work from this author, they are all pure gold. But at the end I decided to go with this one. It’s shorter, light hearted, smutty and so much fun. This author writes the characters so well in all of their pieces, better than the show itself in my opinion.

Firsts- piglemousse - @piglemousse

Another great one and with much better story line for them after season 3 than what we actually got. I am a sucker for stories with them travelling the world.

the benefits of being under the influence(r) - noos - @kiekiecarrera

AU one, but JJ and Kiara are so in character in this. It has the enemies to friends with benefits to lovers trope which is always fun and is just beautifully written.

Enemies with Benefits and Beach Houses - Lis4 - @lis4ux

Another enemies to lovers one that’s currently being written. Big kudos to the author for keeping up with it during the season 4 fiasco. It’s something I look forwards to reading every weekend.

There’s so many more out there and it was very hard to pick only five. Thank you again to you authors for creating beautiful works to read!

If anyone wants to share their favourites, please do not hesitate. Or come scream at me about Jiara and OBX (well maybe not scream, I am a sensitive one)

[gofancyninjaworld]

There was a lot of complaints ant Saitama's breaking speech never making to the manga, but tbh even if the manga has a series of events that requires that to happen, I still don't want it to happen. Mostly bc what Saitama said is pretty hypocritical and doesn't make sense.

While I do give kudos that Saitama even admits he doesn't really have a concrete idea of what a "hero" should be... That doesn't give a vote of confidence considering he's um. Literally the most powerful hero alive. Kinda hard to believe in someone who doesn't even know if they're doing the right thing while wielding immeasurable power. He pretty much, well, dodged the question and never really bothered to shoulder the responsibility to figure out what kind of hero really wants to be.

Another is his "serious" hero hobby and Garou's "compromised" monster hobby, and the reason why he'll always win is bc he never half-assed his hobby. While he's right not to lower the hurdle before the goal... But the reason why opm more or less has a plot to begin with is because Saitama is half-assing his heroism. He barely takes anything seriously. Like, yes he never half-assed his training to be the strongest and while he's one of the more moral heroes out there he wasn't the best for a reason.

And tbh I'm really satisfied to how 166-169 played out. In the end, what the manga shows us is that they both have naive mindsets. Believing Absolute Evil would bring absolute world peace, believing heroes would always be on time and save the day — only to have reality crashing hard that for Garou to achieve Absolute Evil means people he cares about will in fact die and that Saitama's complacency and invulnerability means it's not him facing the consequences, but everyone else fatally paying that price. it just shows the perfect image that Garou and Saitama are not so different — Garou is a poor villain, Saitama is a poor hero, and it's bc of those flaws, despite them wielding incomprehensible, godly power, they both meet in the middle ground as humans. Which further reinforces ONE's intention to create Garou as the anti-Saitama.

An old, old comment that has aged like fine wine.

There's a question Garou asks Saitama in the webcomic that the latter never answers -- and really should. 'You're strong, but so what?' His questioning whether the mere fact of Saitama being stronger than anyone gave him any moral authority is one that desperately needs to be addressed in the webcomic. So far, so bad.

I really like that the manga has started to look at that question. The Japanese idiom Saitama used when looking at the carnage Cosmic Fear Garou had wrought was his being pierced by realisation (h/t @koumbaya). As if a spear had been thrown through his very soul.

It answered the question he'd been asking himself ever since the Superfight that he'd forgotten something important. In that moment, it came to him just how shallow he'd been for fretting over not learning new moves or finding tough fights. How irresponsible it'd been for him to forget that just because Garou was no threat to him, the same did not hold for others. He had become a hero so that when people were in trouble, he could be there to help them, and instead, little by little, he'd come to prioritise having a good time.

I love how the denouement of the arc has Garou and Saitama understand and enact what it is to be a hero. Garou puts aside his pride to ask for help and heroically sacrifices his life to teach Saitama how to go to the past, Saitama saves everyone who needs his help, *including* Garou.

I love how this fits into the structure of the bigger story, with King having challenged Saitama over this very notion. It's an important question. A hero may need to be strong, but how does that translate into morality? What gives a hero the right to say 'this is unacceptable and I must stop it?'

Of course, there's the small problem of Saitama having forgotten what happened. Which makes me think: whether he wants to or not, Genos has a responsibility to ensure Saitama learns those hard-won lessons without the rest of the world paying for it first.

Final thing: Garou not being left as a foil to Saitama is the best thing of all. He hasn't received a pat answer and been sent into exile to do no more evil. He's getting to struggle with his ideas, to try to forge them into a coherent and workable way forward, and it's good to see him being his own person.

[generalluxun]

Fanfic Author 20 Questions

Thanks to @erisluna35 for sending this along! 1. How many works do you have on AO3?

On AO3? Right now 63, soon to be 64(tomorrow probably) and a couple on FF.net

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

1,020,860 on AO3 plus another ~86K fic I never ported over to AO3, as my 'recent' stuff, starting back in 2021

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mostly Miraculous Ladybug, I did others a long time ago before joining AO3, but that was a long time ago. I've considered a couple others recently too, but nothing yet.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

At The Gala- A Chlonette fic inspired by fanart, and actually the sequel to my #2 by Kudos. This is just a cute series of strange interactions with Chloe from Marinette's PoV, culminating in understanding and discovery on a fated evening.

Slippery slope- Little Chlonette ficlet inspired by a fanart. Very short, it's about how a single unexpected moment can change someone's entire world.

Ever After- A long chapter fic set more than a decade post-canon that looks into the idea that 'Ever After' can be a long time, and that expecting life to be solved at 14 is a recipe for eventual disaster. Yet at the same time life continues to offer new experiences, new possibilities, and new ways to grow. Ships include Adrienette, Chloadrien, and Felinette.

Showing Love- An alternate ending to Queen Wasp, where instead of reuniting Chloé with her horrible mother by highlighting everything horrible about her (seriously, what?) Marinette comes face to face with the reality that a mother really *can* not love a child. Being Marinette she can't let such a thing stand, even if it is Chloé. Marinette&Dupain-Cheng family goodness.

What Do you See?- Adrigami fic that kicks off right in the middle of Kuro Neko. While Adrien is struggling with the pain of giving up Cat Noir, one thing crosses his mind. He can finally give one important person the truth she deserves. After all, he *Was* Cat Noir, not *is*. The two both struggle to navigate the ramifications of this revelation, especially when Plagg shows up once more with the ring. (there's a little bit of eventual Lukanette)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to respond to most, especially any questions or curiosities. I love engagement.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Oh heck this is so not fair. I am in love with bittersweet ending, and have a couple of doozies.

I can't decide between three.

What Happened- The 'real reason' Chloé Bourgeois's redemption arc failed. What do you di when you do everything right, only to find out your happiness causes the end of the world, in every timeline?

A Modest Proposal- Marinette is happily impatient for Adrien to finally propose to her. Little does she know, a secret long kept is going to come back to haunt her. It's worse than you think.

The Risk Outweighs- A look into someone else's life during the episode 'Risk'. The courage to do anything finally gives Chloé the strength to break from the cycle. But the Ladybugs must set things right, and a few moments of clarity weigh nothing against a lifetime.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Again, lots with happy endings, though I prefer 'open' endings, so...hmmm

Cafe Noir- has an unambiguously happy ending, but I specifically set out to write a romcom so that feels like cheating.

Dog Daze- probably has the most comprehensively happy ending, Adrien's dad even managed to try to parent. They do go through a lot on the way to the happy ending though.

In Direct Opposition- My latest work, seems to end on a solidly happy note for all involved.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Ever After drew some upset people that expected their OTP to be the main ship. I never tried to deceive anyone, but a few people were just really upset.

I also had this weird thing where someone thought I was someone else, and stalked my comments for a while. That's why I use moderation now.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've done M rated fics. I'm not sure 'smut' works for them, even if there's lots of sex narratively, it's usually mentioned rather than being detailed. I did one single 'this will be a smut fic' fic. And even that ended up with like, 5K words mostly plot, and about 2 paragraphs of (I think emotional and important) sex.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nah, I've never had the crossover itch. I generally find each world intriguing enough on their own.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of...

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yep! I had someone ask if they could translate one of my fics to Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Nope. Talked about it before, but never went through with it. Not against the idea. I do a lot of rubber ducking for my friends though, so some of my ideas can end up in their finished fics.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I'm going ot have to go with adribrina, my goobers. I like exploring all kinds of ships, and these two I threw together on a whim but Oh, they're so comfy! I wrote Puppy Love to see how they would work, and then that evolved into Dog Daze, my Largest work to date. I had *intended* for them to amicably break up and Sabrina to be a wing-woman to Adrien in the canon ship of Adrienette.... but they just did not want to break up. Even if they wouldn't admit they were dating, they were just too *comfy* together. These two make me happy. (Marinette ended up okay though, she's happy!)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

A third fic in my Senti-Sentai AU. 'Worlds Collide'. It was set in 'vague eastern Europe country in the middle of violent conflict' and then that suddenly got too real, too quickly.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Character voice. I write third person limited, and I've been told many times that I do a very good job of writing characters as their canonical selves, just in different situations that bring about different outcomes or changes in them. I consider that a high compliment, because the characters are what I am here for.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Brevity. Even simplistic plots 'enemies to friends road trip' become detailed 'Marinette manipulates Chloé into chasing Adien and Lila across the globe to prevent Lila from wheedling an arranged Marriage out of Gabriel' and then that blossoms into a 98K fic.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I feel like my last of understanding grammar and colloquialisms for another language would have me sounding like bad google translate. Singular words used? Viable.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

SWATKats. My first ever fanfic was a 30K fic about that show.

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

They are all my babies! This is so not fair. I've spoken about some of my favorites earlier though, so I'll use this spot to mention some other ones :)

He's Perfect- Gothic Horror Adrienette! It even has a sequel and an entire AU in my head if I can circle back.

The Orphan and the Marionette- Written to feel like one of Grimm's fairy tales. Chlonette(kind of) with a heavy dose of magic and a surprise appearance from Marianne.

There are so many more but I'll plug Dog Daze again, because I to like how it flows and the alternate S5 we get from it. It also inspired a raft of 'post story' one shots, and I have another chapter fic waiting in the wings to continue the AU. There's plenty of stories to tell here.

@taketwoinink Tag, if you would like to play.

[whysamwhy123]

✨Fic Writing Review 2023✨

Tagged by the wonderful dynamic duo that is @aerodaltonimperial and @perhapswhoknowsvamp and it's very fitting that those two lovely people tagged me because they're a big reason why I wrote much of anything this year! Took me a while to get this done because I wanted to get my last fic of the year out the door first. I'll put the rest below the cut, and fair warning - it's loooooong. This bitch doesn't shut up, so I rambled on. A lot.

Words and Fics

76, 222 words published on AO3 in 2023

15 fics published on AO3 (16 if you count that one kinkmeme prompt I filled and posted anonymously)

2 little tumblr ficlets

Top 3 by Kudos

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen (not super surprising, considering it was a popular pairing at the time, and it was the fic I wrote for the anniversary event)

Kids These Days And Their Darn Phones - Hookhausen

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (I continue to be incredibly surprised how well this fic did, like...huh?!)

Top 3 by Hits

Voice in the Dark - Hookhausen

Voice in the Dark, Part Two - Hookhausen (how fitting, LOL)

Half Your Age Plus Seven - OrangeHook (Seriously, what was it about this fic that drew people in? More so than any of my other OrangeHook fics? Like, I'm grateful and all but also confused, like this fic is way too long?! And weird about the age difference?!)

Author's Favourite

As much as I'm loving writing OrangeHook now, I think Voice in the Dark, Part Two is probably the best thing I've written? Even though it's also overly long and gets weird at the end (very much did not expect it to go in that direction when I started writing it), I'm actually pretty proud of how that one turned out. I had a clear vision in my head for how each scene would play out and what I wanted to get across, and man, I remember how most of the Hook/Evilhausen dialogue popped into my brain late one night when I couldn't sleep, so I spat it out into a doc and then about a month later when I actually wrote the scene, I don't think I changed a single word? I just added everything else around it, all the not-dialogue parts. And it was just a lot of fun getting to carry on that story, especially as someone who hasn't managed to crank out a proper multi-chapter fic yet. Who knows, maybe I'll return to that world someday...

Fandom Events in 2023

Uh, well, I guess I did the whole Hookhausen Anniversary thing? And...that's about it. I'm pretty disconnected from the fandom at large, whoopsie daisy 😬

Upcoming Projects

Hoo boy.

I have over 5k words of a Ricky/Christian Sugar Baby AU thing written already. I haven't posted it because it kinda needs some smut and that's still not something I can really do. I might post it someday, if I can make something work, or alternatively do what I normally do and put an annoying fade to black in there. Or maybe I'll think better of it and never post it because it's very self-indulgent and I highly doubt anyone else would really be interested or want me to continue it or anything. But I have Ideas for it...so many ideas...

Also, in my ill-fated quest to try and make myself write smut, I kinda started a Ricky/Bill championship celebration fic. Maybe I'll revisit that? Try to get it done?

And then there's that one fic I really want to work on, but have barely started. I've vague-posted about it here before - it's an incredibly fucked-up Dead Dove fic about Daniel Garcia and a Very Bad, Not-Good thing that happens to him, and the subsequent complete mental breakdown that follows. I've had the idea rattling around in my brain for the better part of a year at this point, despite not making much actual progress on it. Every time I think about it though, I have new ideas for scenes or dialogue. I'd like to make it work, but I don't know if I have the writing chops to handle it, plus it would probably end up being super long and nobody would want to read it, so it'd feel like a huge waste of time on my part? And I've had the idea for so long, it's out-dated too. But still, the urge remains...

Oh, and I still have a ton of OrangeHook ideas I'd like to make happen. Some are, of course, about their age difference. Some would (ideally) involve smut. And others... *nervous laughter* Others would likely result in an ''Everyone disliked that'' situation...

Writing Reflection

I was thinking about making a sappy post about this and whoops, here's my excuse! I don't talk a lot on here about my tragic backstory because honestly, who cares? But I will say this - before January of this year, I hadn't written a word of anything in years. Fic or otherwise. I used to love writing, but Stuff Happened and it killed all enjoyment I got out of it, and I thought that's how it would be forever. Then, for reasons I can't even remember, I started reading fic again, specifically in this wild little fandom of ours, and y'all are just so talented that it made my untalented ass want to give it another shot. So...I did.

I remember when I posted my first fic in ages back in January, I thought ''Maybe about three people will read this and no one will leave a comment or anything, but whatever, I wrote a thing and that's something I haven't done in years so that's enough for me!'' And to be honest, I still think that whenever I post stuff now? It's crazy to me that anyone actually reads my stuff and gets some kind of kick out of it. But every kudos and comment floors me and brings me so much joy, I can't even express it properly. I have to say a huge thank you to anyone who's ever read one of my fics, left kudos or dropped a comment. Whoever and wherever you are, you made my day!

And look, I ain't delusional. I know that calling myself a small fish in the fandom would be too generous. But I'm fine with that - because I'm genuinely enjoying writing again and that's what matters most to me. Even though I've also rediscovered how stressful writing can be (🙂🙂🙂) when it comes down to it, there's joy and happiness in my life that wasn't there last year and that's all because I started writing again. And because some lovely folks here decided to let me know they liked what I was throwing out there. The years have not been kind to ol' Sammy Sam-Sam and this year was no exception, but getting to forget about all that shit and write my silly little wrestling fanfiction has been a great distraction and a comfort through this whole year.

So...yeah. Thanks to everyone who's ever commented on my writing, thanks to the folks who follow me on here (I don't know how you manage that though, I'm such an annoying bitch, aren't you sick of me yet?) and thanks to anyone who I've had the chance to chat with about writing and ships and whatever silly little ideas pop into my head (any of y'all feel free to message me at any time, I am always down to blab about whatever blorbos/ideas take your fancy). I'm hoping I can keep this train a-rollin' a little more next year. Still thinking back to when I started writing again, I made my new AO3 account expecting to write Dustjim only, but then I quickly decided I couldn't write those two well enough, and since then I've bounced around a bunch of different pairings, with a few rarepairs shoved in between for good measure. God only knows where my head will be at this time next year, LOL. I'd love to finally be able to attempt some of the bigger ideas I've been cooking up for a while now. Maybe I'll even write a proper multi-chapter fic? We'll see, but this bitch can dream, at least.

Rules:

Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please do eat glass, I’ve heard it’s good for your gums.

I'm not going to tag anyone because I'm pretty sure everyone I know who writes has already been tagged? So if you're reading this and you haven't, go ahead and do it! By which I mean, eat glass. Eat all the glass that you want. Accidents happen in the dark.

[batnbreakfast]

AO3 Writer's Ask Game

Thank you for tagging me @slightlyintimidating ! 🥰

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

18

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

102378

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Mainly Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell although I branched out into the RedgraveRussellCinematicMultiverse.

And there's this one Deadloch fic, I really would like to finish. *side-eyes her brain*

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Notting Hill

My Berena Notting Hill rewrite with Serena Campbell as the bookshop owner and Bernie Wolfe as the famous actress.

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Yet another film rewrite (I just love them) - this time it's Before Sunset with Bernie & Serena reconnecting years after having spent an unforgeable night together.

fragments of a holiday season

My Berena advent fics collection

clouds in my coffee (but the sun's coming through)

My Berena coffee shop au for @fortytworedvines day

chi va piano 

My Berena smut fic, which has forever changed how I look at pianos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Ah. It's complicated. During the last year I only had comments like "Please finish this!" and no, most of the times I don't respond to them. While I LOVE comments and use them to motivate myself to get back to writing, I find comments that don't even say why someone would like me to continue a store utterly unhelpful. Also there's my beloved ADHD brain, which makes me forget to answer sometimes. I will though, even if it's like stupidly late.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

*chuckles* Well, I wrote this fic with Bernie's thoughts while she's dying under the rubble after they killed her in an explosion off screen. Lucky for most of you preferring a happy ending to your angst, I did not publish it. Instead I rewrote it to become a chapter for my collaboration with the lovely @ktlsyrtis

everything is different, everything has changed

Five times Bernie Wolfe’s life explodes - and one time it doesn't.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I feel like all my fics have a happy ending. I love a bit of angst, but seriously life is bad enough without giving your favs a happy ending after putting them through the mangler.

My favourite might be

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

because Bernie stays.

8. Do you get hate on fic?

Huh. If so, it apparently was too irrelevant to remember.

9. Do you write smut?

Yes, I do. And I honestly love to connect them via smut with feelings.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I do love a good film au. I have dozens of ideas what films to cast them for and I've only written two so far, with another three sitting in my WIP folder.

My crossover ideas aren't that crazy actually, but maybe

the slow appraisal of silent things

might fall into the category, because why not mash up Lynley and my love for Berena, replace the old Helen with Catherine's Helen, and have her leave Lynley (as one should do), to fall in love with Jemma's Grace Finegann (who did not shoot anyone).

Others might say that it was absolutely crazy to write my first Berena fic, which is also a crossover, without ever having watched a single episode of Holby.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I don't think so.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes! I wrote

everything is different, everything has changed

with @ktlsyrtis and I loved, loved, loved doing this.

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Seems a bit like anyone reading this far could answer this, but

💖 Bernie Wolfe/Serena Campbell 💖

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

Nope. Not going there. All my WIPs have a chance to being finished. It took me almost three years to finish Notting Hill. I might get inspired on something that's been sitting in my drafts for longer. Who knows - certainly not me. I won't give up though!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I'd say dialogue with feelings and with smut also showing without spelling things out in detail.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Commas and formatting. *chuckles* Apologies to all the lovely people who ever beta'd for me. I appreciate you so, sooo much.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I could have them speak German and Italian and would, if I found it necessary. I prefer to have a translation in the notes at least while reading fic.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Ah. Something wlw that I'm not looking back to.

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

Urghhhhhhh... I love all my children, I don't have a fav-

Before the Sun Sets on the River Thames

Because it marks the beginning of a new fandom journey that is still bringing me so much joy and made me make wonderful friends.

Okay, I'll stop now before getting even soppier.

I'm tagging @ktlsyrtis @lapalfruity @fortytworedvines @ariverandasong and everyone of you who wants to take part in this. Seriously, just run with it if you want to!

Questions to respond to:

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

3. What fandoms do you write for?

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

8. Do you get hate on fic?

9. Do you write smut?

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably won’t?

16. What are your writing strengths?

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

19. First fandom you wrote for?

20. Favourite fic you’ve written?

[daily-rayless]

Fic-writer questions!

I stole this from @runicmagitek so thank you! I'm not going to tag anyone specifically, but I know I have a number of talented fic-writing mutuals, so take a stab at this if you want to.

I'm going to include original fiction in a few places, as well as all my fics currently posted to FFN, just so we have more data to work with.

How many works do you have on AO3?

FFN: 52

AO3: 10

What's your total AO3 word count?

FFN (assuming their word counter is still functional, which is perhaps foolish of me): 601436

AO3: 517070

What fandoms do you write for? Tales of the Abyss, Transistor, and Fate most recently. In the past, Persona, Suikoden, Harry Potter, Soul Nomad, Makai Kingdom, Yggdra Union, Wild Arms, and some assorted others.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos? (Including FFN's faves):

363 – Birds (Harry Potter)

333 – Death and Ker (Persona 3)

182 – Elysion (Persona 3 & 4)

180 – Word on the Inside (Persona 4)

122 – Crime and Creme Brulee (Persona 4)

All on FFN! These are all very old fics, and I think I'll need a good long while before I get numbers like that on AO3.

Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? Generally, yes. I like to let the reader know I'm aware of them and appreciate them leaving their thoughts, because readers who do want to comment are a minority. As for situations where I wouldn't, I'd probably ignore a flame. Or if a person leaves a bunch of comments at once, I might not respond to each individually. Or if someone left something without much context, like “huh” or “wow”, I might have no idea how to respond and just leave it.

What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? Hm, it could depend. Anyone who's reading Scarlet has probably already played Yggdra Union and knows we're going to end with our fourteen-year-old heroine falling in battle while desperately defending her kingdom. “Misbegotten” focuses on the Demon Path of Soul Nomad, so, again, you'd go into that with a certain expectation of angst. So I think my ending that combines the most angst with surprise is the ending of “Cycles”, a Normal Path Soul Nomad fic where I decided to explore the game's concept of reincarnation. So someone dies at the end, very abruptly and somewhat graphically. The fact that I let Gig and Revya be married in it adds to the angst. Looking back more than ten years, yeah, it's very angsty, but I got some good feedback for it, so I don't regret it.

What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? On the subject of happy endings, I've been accused of not liking them. I love happy endings! But I do live in some dread of things feeling too pat and “wrapped up with a bow”. A lot of my oneshots are fairly low stakes, so the endings are happy enough, but looking at my longer stuff... Soul Searching ends with Gig and Revya getting married, the world being at peace, everything on a pretty happy note. (Unless you count the tragedy of Danette eating all of Gig's and Revya's hotpods, and, honestly, you should.)

Do you get hate on fics? I've never gotten seriously flamed so far. In the early 2010s, there was this one anon going through Persona fics and leaving very short flames on MinakoxShinjiro stuff, barely changing their wording at all. It was extremely low effort, impersonal, and I don't really count it.

Do you write smut? If so, what kind? No, I wouldn't say so. When it comes to sex, I tend to focus more on a few individual details than a moment-to-moment description, and then the reader can fill in what they're comfortable with. With my latest original project (not Eola), I did get the threshold moment of my mom reading the draft and saying, “You write sex really well!”

Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? Okay, so when I was much younger, in the early 2000s, I had this long-running thing I wrote that I ended up calling “Kuja's Coffee-Bean Cafe”. Basically, it was a crossover of every video game I'd played at the time, where Kuja from Final Fantasy 9 ran a restaurant where all the various villains gather and have their own hierarchy and petty infighting and shenanigans. Some good guys are allowed to visit, and some of them have been captured for the villains' amusement, and all of it was played for humor. Trust me when I tell you that it was very funny to me at the time and it does not hold up. (Though it did make me speculatively ship Sephiroth and Celes, and I still think that ship has merit...) Since then, I do still sometimes write crossovers, but they're for my own amusement.

Have you ever had a fic stolen? Last year (I think?) there was a post going around about how a lesser-known fan archive was grabbing stuff from FFN and AO3...but I honestly don't remember whether any of my fics were affected.

Have you ever had a fic translated? Nope, not that I know of.

Have you ever co-written a fic before? My best friend and I came up with a Lion King sequel which I then wrote down. Some years later, me and the same friend wrote two original novellas together. For the first one, one of us would write a paragraph or two, and then the other would take over, and it built from there. For the second one (which we never finished), we each controlled a main character, so we would switch off for dialogue and individual actions, but otherwise we shared the rest of the story. It worked pretty well, and if you have a writing buddy whose style works with yours, I highly recommend it.

What's your all-time favorite ship? I'm not sure I have a mathematically favorite ship versus whatever ship I'm currently most focused on. In 2019, it was Red and Boxer from Transistor. Last year, it was Asch and Natalia from Tales of the Abyss. Right now, I've been swinging back towards Archer and Hakuno from Fate.

What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? I've always been sad I never finished Public Speaking, my Suikoden V longfic about super minor npc Salisha Raulbel and what she thought of the war. It was very niche, but readers still found it and enjoyed it. I hung with it for two years, between 2006-08, but a lot was happening in my life, I was changing as a person, I was getting into new fandoms, and I couldn't maintain my interest; I also abandoned another long Suikoden fic and an original novel during that period. What's even worse was that the fic was over halfway done, and for a couple years afterwards, I would get comments asking for an update. I think that's part of why I now never start posting fics until I've completed at least one draft. Do I think I'll pull one of those 10+ Years Later updates? Probably not. But it was a good fic, and I'm sorry I left people hanging.

What are your writing strengths? I'm told my dialogue and descriptions are good. People also seem to respond well to my emotional scenes. And of course on my next book I'm going to put this right on the cover:

“She writes sex well!” – Her Mom

What are your writing weaknesses? Having just praised my dialogue, I'll admit I have a problem with slowing down dialogue to add too much physical communication – compressed lips, narrowed eyes, raised eyebrows. I know it can start to feel ridiculous, but I want you all to see the scene I'm seeing and I can't very well hire actors. I also feel like my fight scenes aren't the greatest; I find them a pain to write. Probably a byproduct of not running around the wilderness with a sword myself. I also, no matter how hard I try, fall prey to typos. I'm pretty good at editing other people's work, but my own writing is a whole 'nother animal.

Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? I think it's a case by case thing. In general though, it can be overdone, especially if the author is, say, writing a character who's speaking in Spanish, but they keep having the character saying “I'm going to do my tarea” or “I need to go to la escuela!” when just saying “homework” and “school” flows so much more naturally. On the other hand, language is culture and character and history – using some of it can be very helpful in establishing setting and even time period. It also changes depending on how tightly we're in a character's pov. If we're right in the protagonist's head, and my hero doesn't speak French, and they overhear a spy saying, “J'ai volé le lapin sacré!" the meaning should remain a mystery. I shouldn't have the translation provided in a footnote or a parenthetical. On the other hand, if the pov is more pulled back and omniscient, then the author can translate it while reminding the reader the hero didn't understand it.

Overall, when it comes to using other languages, I think you need to keep the reader's needs in mind. If you want to throw out foreign phrases for a bit of flair, go for it, but limit it to phrases that aren't crucial to understanding the scene or story. Otherwise, you need to find a way to elegantly explain what's being said, without making it feel like a footnote. Something like that just breaks the immersive feeling of reading.

First fandom you wrote for? Probably that Lion King story. It was called The Lion King IV: The Revenge of Scar. There was a) no Lion King III and b) no Scar. I called it that because it took place three generations after the original (because that's how titles work), and Scar apparently had such a long con going he'd foreseen the actions of future evil lion villains who'd never even met him.

Favorite fic you've ever written? I'm going to repeat what I said on this post – The Beast in the Dark, the third installment of my unposted Fate trilogy. All three fics were written with the intention that I wouldn't be sharing them. That's also true of the Muse Trilogy and all my recent Tales of the Abyss stuff, but the Fate stuff was at a somewhat sadder, lonelier period in my life. I think that's one reason it's so special to me. Also, like I say in the linked post, because I wasn't going to share it, I allowed myself to throw all sorts of over the top tropes at it. I think it really helped me along in my writing, and, arguably, opening it up for public consumption might mess with how I feel about it. We'll see. I'm still not sure about posting it.

When it comes to fics I have posted though, I'll refer back to the same post and say Death and Ker. It was a fic that was really exciting both to write and post, right as Persona 3: Portable was coming out. I feel a lot of nostalgia for it, and while it's not perfect, I think parts of it still hold up.

[sleepysnk]

i fell in LOVE with the ideas you gave me about streamer!eren so here we go! thank you again and i hope you enjoy <3

Jaegerbomb is Streaming

Pairings: Streamer!Eren Jaeger x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None

Jaegerbomb is now streaming

Eren adjusted his mic as the stream began, it was a Friday night and he was doing his usual nightly stream. He talked about it on Twitter so he expected a lot of people to be tuning in tonight, as well as it was a Friday night and not many people had school the next day.

"What's up guys?" Eren said as he watched the views begin to go up and the viewers tuned in.

He watched people type in the chat sending the usual 'hi eren!' or the 'hey eren!' he was used to the these messages, a smile forming onto his face.

"Good to see you guys here again! I honestly have no idea what I'm gonna play tonight but we'll go with it," he said, looking at the different chats.

He began to read the different messages that were being sent, some people complimented him or asked how his day was to which he responded with 'thank you' or 'my night has been great'.

Eren was a popular streamer.

He gained popularity within a few months after he streamed with some pretty well known streamers, his raging and yelling is what got him noticed by people, as well as his appearance. People got a kick out of him all the time and he was definitely going places.

Eren was cute, he had emerald-like eyes, brown hair, a sly sexy smile, and he always looked amazing no matter what. It attracted female attention as well as some males, Eren didn't mind it though, he loved interacting with fans on a daily basis; he also had a pretty big fanbase with 400k followers on Twitter and 90k Instagram followers. They were all amazing people and Eren couldn't ask for better.

His rage was something people found to be hilarious, there were compilations of him yelling at Call of Duty or screaming when playing the popular horror games. There was also this one time Eren's mom walked in and yelled at him when he was being too loud, and people found it to be hilarious.

He called his fans the 'Jaegerists', his fanbase was very sweet and there was rarely any toxicity in it. Which in Eren's opinion, was very relieving.

When Eren got popular he was very nervous of the issues that came with it, sometimes people would recognize him on the street or people in his classes would bring up his streams. It was something Eren enjoyed, but he tended to keep his streaming life out of his personal life. It was also a request by Carla, his mother. She told Eren to be careful and always be wary of the internet.

He did exactly that and here he was now, sitting with 7k people watching him.

"What should I play tonight? I was thinking we could do Cold War or Minecraft, but being honest Cold War is a bit boring right now; so let me know guys!" Eren said, scrolling through his chat.

Within seconds people began replying saying either Cold War or Minecraft.

Suddenly, a few notifications started popping in from a few of his viewers.

jaegerbombfan10 donated 30 coins!

iloveeren_ donated 10 coins!

erenjaeger21 donated 5 coins!

Eren smiled as he got the donations, it was common for his viewers to donate to him and he was very thankful for it. He never begged his fans for donations or any of that and that's what people liked about Eren, he never asked for anything other than love and kindness.

"Thank you to those who donated! You're all amazing!" he said with a smile.

The usual kudos came into chat and people sent in hearts to the chat which made Eren feel 10x more happier, he enjoyed what his fans were doing for him and he was so thankful.

"Alright I think Minecraft won.. so today we're gonna do that," Eren added, narrowing his eyes a bit at the different chats which suggested the game.

Eren skimmed through his computer and began to load the game, it took a few moments but the main screen popped up and Eren put on his headset.

His eyes averted to the chat's people were sending in.

jaegerbombswife: eren u look so good

ereniloveyou_: minecraft is so cool eren

jaegerbombsbiggestfan: omg eren u look so cute right now ❤

jaegerist21: ooo minecraft? sounds fun eren!

"I feel like a mess right now but thank you guys, really. What music should I play tonight? Let me know in the chat," he said before turning back to the screen and entering his world.

It was pretty common for Eren to stream during the night, he doesn't really have the time during the day to stream since he has school and other important personal things to deal with.

He scrolled through the chats with different artists and songs, "You guys want Pop Smoke? I played him last time.. how about some The Kid Laroi? He has some good songs," he said, clicking through to find his spotify.

Eren clicked on a random song and went back to Minecraft, he started by running around and organizing his items because a few people in the chat were complaining about his inventory.

"Oh shush! Not everyone is perfect! My house is dope okay?" Eren said before chuckling a bit.

Suddenly, a few notifications came through which caught Eren's attention.

y/nloveseren donated 500 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 1000 coins!

y/nloveseren donated 800 coins!

That was surprising.. not many people donate three times in a row, and with that many coins either.

Eren watched as the user moved from the bottom of the donation list to the very top, whoever it was, they were donating a lot of coins to him.

"Yo! Y/nloveseren! Thank you for your donations!" he said, smiling to himself.

A few chats suddenly bubbled in.

jaegerist45: damn whoever that is they donated a lot.

jaegerbombsbiggestfan407: omg fr!

iloveueren77: eren i can donate later!

y/nloveseren: of course! ♡ you're one of my favorite streamers <3

Eren smiled at the message, "Nah thank YOU for donating! It's appreciated," he replied.

As Eren continued playing Minecraft throughout the night y/nloveseren continued to donate to him, they ended up donating about five or six times after and it was surprising for him. He hadn't ever seen this person in his streams before, he tends to remember usernames, but theirs didn't ring much of a bell. They must have been a silent viewer.

"You guys can ask some questions by the way! It's only midnight and I really wanna hear from you guys," he said, taking a sip of his water bottle.

Questions began to fill into the chat.

jaegerbombbbb21: eren will you ever play outlast?

erensimp34: how tall are you eren?

jaegerist0123: does ur mom know about u streaming?

erensbiggestfan31: are u single?

Eren skimmed through the different questions, some were the usual and some were odd. "Well to answer, I will play Outlast at some point. I am 6'1, my mom does know I stream, and yes I am single." he replied.

Many reactions came from the chat, people saying how sexy his height was or talking about how he was single.

y/nloveseren: ur single!? holy shit

Eren chuckled a bit, "Yeah I am single.. it's mainly 'cause I never really found anyone who was going to stick around you know?" he said.

y/nloveseren: can i place my minecraft bed next to yours then? ;)

Eren's eyes widened a bit from the message, his cheeks growing a light shade of pink; nobody has ever flirted with him on a stream before. Yeah people have called him sexy or said he was hot, but a flirt was never thrown.

"Y/nloveseren you definitely caught my attention with that.. but sure! I'll let you," he smirked.

The chat suddenly went wild with people sending in messages about what he said, others pointed out his blush or the way he was smirking right now.

jaegerist45: eren a simp? ooop

iloveyoueren_: what? :/ eren what about me 🙄?

erensimp34: SIMPPPP

erenishot386: did u guys see him blush? I GOT IT ON CAMERA

jaegerist219: omg he blushed? y/nloveseren keep talking!!

Eren smiled to himself, "Alright settle down guys! What they said was nice, okay? Nothing serious."

y/nloveseren: aw :( i was serious tho! you are quite the cutie <3 i deadass can't believe you noticed that message 😭!

y/nloveseren donated 400 coins!

"Thank you y/nloveseren! Seriously, you are kicking ass tonight," he said. "I'm definitely not the cutest but thank you, really!"

Within the next few hours, Eren and a few other viewers chatted about new games and a few embarrassing stories Eren told them. The one person who stood out to him though, was y/nloveseren. They donated a lot that night and Eren even chatted with them.

"Alright guys! I'll see you all soon! Goodnight," Eren said, waving at the camera.

jaegerist45: night eren!

iloveeren716: goodnight Eren! ♡

y/nloveseren: night Eren! sleep well <3

Eren stopped the stream and leaned back in his chair, who was y/nloveseren? And why couldn't he stop thinking about them?

-

The next few weeks of streaming were exciting for Eren, a few new games were released and he started playing them for his fans. He gained more popularity from the games as well and he was happy to see new people trickling in.

Though, Eren had another thing to look forward to when streaming.

(Y/N).

He actually ended up finding out her name, yes she was a girl.

During one of his streams he asked a few questions about her, of course she was happy to respond to Eren and he always looked forward to seeing her in his streams. She was his top donater and he was always excited to see her pop in, it was odd; Eren never felt this way before.

She was a fan, someone who looked up to him, yet Eren felt... excited to see her? He would get nervous if he didn't see her join a stream or he'd be disappointed if she left early, it was odd. He wasn't sure why he felt this way.

His fans pointed it out as well, they noticed Eren would smile a lot whenever he spoke to her or he would laugh at her jokes.

Eren never did that, not even with a fan.

He was sitting in his chair, the stream had just started and people began to fill in, he was going to play a bit of Call of Duty and then he would chill.

"What's up guys? How are we doing today?" Eren asked, looking at the screen.

erenfan21: hey Eren! i'm good

jaegerist45: yoo hey!

iloveeren1827: hi eren! how are you?

y/nloveseren: hi eren!! <3

Eren smiled seeing her pop into the chat, "I'm good guys, hi (Y/N). Good to see you," he replied.

As Eren played the game he couldn't help but look over to see if (Y/N) ever talked, he didn't want to miss a message from her. Sometimes he got so distracted he would end up dying or losing a round, a lot of people took notice.

"Bro Call of Duty makes me so mad," Eren said, his brows pinching together as he focused on the screen. "Maybe I should uh.." he trailed off as he looked at the chat.

Suddenly, his controller vibrated and it showed his character dying.

"Fuck!" Eren yelled, rolling his eyes. He then turned off the game and leaned back in his chair, he was clearly mad; his rage was something that entertained people and this was no different.

erensbiggestfan31: damn Eren you're mad again?

jaegerist187: shit guys he might rage

jaegerbomb1782: ah shit, u good eren?

y/nloveseren: eren? are you okay?

His eyes flickered towards the chat, "Yeah I'm good guys! That shit pissed me off, but I'll head back in." he said, pressing a few buttons to head into the game again.

y/nloveseren: yay!! 🥰 happy Eren is the best Eren!

y/nloveseren donated 700 coins!

He smiled to himself again. She always made him smile.. it was something she did to him, she had this effect no other fan could put on him.

"Say (Y/N).. you donate a lot and I always see you here.. yet, I don't think you've ever followed me before," he said, looking at the screen.

The chat began to blow up.

jaegerist45: OOOOO 👀

iloveeren167: oh shit? eren?

y/nloveseren: i'm just shy 😭 plus i doubt you respond to dms

He ran his fingers through his brunette locks, twirling one of the strands in his fingers. "I do actually respond to dms, but you're shy? That's cute lowkey.. I actually have an idea," he smirked.

y/nloveseren: and that is? 👀

erensimp34: A CHALLENGE? y/n omg

jaegerist45: oh shit.. IM INTERESTED

jaegerbombfan20: SHE GETTING BOLD 😩

"If I win this next round of COD you gotta give me your Instagram," he said, leaning back on his chair.

The chat began to blow up with messages of people hyping (Y/N) up, a grin formed onto Eren's face seeing what people were saying. He hoped that she wasn't uncomfortable with what he said, that's the last thing Eren would ever want.

y/nloveseren: bet, deal.

His eyes widened a bit, "Shit for real? Just know I'm not forcing you, but I'm curious about you."

y/nloveseren: nah! you're fine ;) let's see if you win though

Eren smirked when his eyes scanned over the message, "Alright.. say less," he said.

He entered the game and started playing the round, he made sure to keep extra focused so he wouldn't lose. That was the last thing he wanted, he was interested in what (Y/N) was like; she was definitely intriguing.

Eren pressed his thumbs and fingers into the controller, his grip tight enough that his knuckles were white; his fans even noticed and told him it wasn't that serious, but Eren didn't care. He wanted to win and losing is something Eren hated.

Suddenly the screen flashed the victory and Eren put his hands in the air. "Hell yeah! You guys see that? Jaegerbomb is the winner!" he yelled with a smile on his face.

His chat was going crazy.

jaegerist45: YO GOOD JOB EREN

erensimp13: omg nice job eren!

jaegerbombfan20: dude u did so good!!

Eren's smile widened looking at the chat, he always enjoyed his fans telling him he was doing great.

y/nloveseren: you actually won, damn. i didn't think you would have 😭, but since you did.. you want my instagram?

Eren leaned back in his chair, "Hell yeah! Hand it over," he replied.

y/nloveseren: it's y/n.l/n!

He grabbed his phone and went to Instagram, the chat was blowing up yet again when people saw her actually put her Instagram in. They hyped her up and even told Eren that he was a lucky guy for that.

Eren found her profile instantly, he scrolled through her photos and his eyes went wide; she was gorgeous. Eren was used to pretty girls talking or messaging with him, but she.. she was different and he felt it; he couldn't help but stare at the different photos of her in the mirror or the selfies she had with a pretty smile.

He looked at the chat and moved his headset to the side, "Yo.. guys.." he said, staring at the screen.

Instantly people began asking questions. "Guys.. she is fucking gorgeous, (Y/N) you're so cute holy shit," he said, smiling to himself.

jaegerist45: YOOO EREN IS A SIMP

iloveeren3827: awe 🥺

erensimp13: SHOW USSSS

jaegerbombfan20: is she pretty? y/n omg ur so lucky

erensbiggestfan928: simpppp

jaegerist2827: DID YOU GUYS SEE HIS SMILE?

His smile turned into a frown when he saw that (Y/N) wasn't talking in the chat anymore. Did he make her uncomfortable? He didn't force her into sending it, maybe she was uncomfortable and she just didn't want to say anything.

"Yo.. (Y/N) are you there? Shit did I make you uncomfortable? I'm sorry," Eren said, putting his phone on his desk.

He shook his leg watching the different people responding to what was going on, a few people apologized to her; they said that they didn't mean to make her feel weird or force her into telling Eren her Instagram.

His eyes flickered when he saw her name.

y/nloveseren: omg no! you didn't make me uncomfortable at all :) thank you for your comments tho! 💗 you made me smile

Eren felt relief wash over him, "Ugh thank god! I thought I made you feel grossed out! But it's my pleasure.. you are beautiful," he said.

People started to leave messages like 'awe <3' or 'omg guys Eren is so simping right now'. All in all, he found (Y/N) extremely attractive and he decided to follow her, he silently prayed that maybe just maybe.. they would talk outside of the stream.

Eren noticed how late it was, it was currently 2:31 A.M. and he usually went to sleep earlier on Sunday's because of his classes.

"Alright guys! I'm gonna end it here, it is really late where I live so I'm probably gonna head to sleep. Goodnight everyone! Thank you for tuning in!" he said while waving at the camera.

Everyone wished Eren a good night and he ended the stream. He rubbed his tired eyes and went to shut off the light in his room, all he wanted was to relax and get a good night's rest.

He placed his phone onto the nightstand and rolled over to the other side of his bed, his body relaxing into the sheets and comfort of his mattress.

A sudden ping woke him up.

It was odd, nobody usually texted Eren this late except for maybe Armin who reminded him to keep quiet while he studied but Armin was out that night with Annie.

Reaching for his phone, the screen lit up; he had a notification from Instagram. More specifically, a direct message.

He unlocked his phone and noticed he had a dm from (Y/N), she actually texted him; a smile grew onto his face as he opened it up.

(Y/N): hey! i doubt you're awake, but i wanted to message you and say hey <3!

He instantly began typing back.

Eren: hey! i was about to go to bed but i wanted to respond to your message, so you're y/nloveseren right?

Within seconds she viewed the message and began typing again.

(Y/N): haha, yeah that's me! i've been watching you stream for a really long time, but i was a silent fan. i got a job recently and i decided to donate since you have always put a smile on my face lol.

Eren: wow really? that's sick! it's so cool to meet you, i always look forward to seeing your name in my streams 😭. how old are you btw?

(Y/N): it's cool speaking with you too! i'm 19 btw!

Eren was surprised, she was around his age? Some of his fans were under 18 or around 20+, but he was surprised to see someone the same age as him around. Most of the girls around his age weren't interested in streamers or gaming in general.

Eren: say uh.. do you mind maybe, getting to know one another? only if you're cool with it of course

He chewed his bottom lip waiting for a reply back, he wasn't sure what she would say. He didn't want to come off as the creepy streamer who talks to fans and does weird shit with them.

(Y/N): really? sure! i'm down :)!!

He smiled seeing the message, maybe this girl was worth losing sleep over.

-

Eren spent the last few days talking to (Y/N), he would stay up past 3 A.M. texting with her about life and getting to know her deeper.

The two connected instantly that night, (Y/N) was an university student studying psychology and she had a job at a local cafe near her apartment outside campus. She was interested in gaming and she told Eren that she had been watching his streams for a few months, she found him to be entertaining and he was one of the few streamers that weren't weird.

They shared a lot of the same experiences on a lot of things. Eren told her about the many relationships he had and how the girls instantly thought he was weird or boring for wanting to stream instead of having a career. (Y/N) had just gotten out of a really bad relationship and she told him that her ex found it weird that she watched him.

As much as Eren really liked the vibes he got from (Y/N), he was scared to get close with her. Armin warned him many times about how some 'fans' aren't actually fans, they con people and gain their trust to expose them later. Eren didn't want to be used for money or any of that, that would be the end of him.

Still though, Eren wanted to talk to her more. He hadn't ever gotten like this with a fan before, but maybe.. this could be different?

Eren was laying in bed that night, he decided not to stream because he was tired and he just felt really lazy. He was doing the usual, texting (Y/N) and listening to music.

(Y/N): what are you up to?

Eren: i'm just laying down, listening to music. wbu?

(Y/N): i was wondering if you maybe wanted to.. facetime? of course we don't have to but i feel like it could be cool?

Eren looked up for a second, maybe a facetime would be good; it could help him get to know her more and maybe he could find out if she was looking to fuck around with him.

Eren: sure! here's my number

He sent her his number and sat up, he wanted to look decent for her anyway. He fixed his messy hair and tied it back into a bun, then he zipped up his sweater.

His heart began to race, why was he feeling this way? It was just a fan nothing he couldn't handle, he silently hoped that she wouldn't think he was weird or anything.

His phone suddenly began to ring, he rushed over to his bed and grabbed his phone. It was an unsaved number so he assumed it was (Y/N). He fixed his hair and clicked the green answer button.

"Hey!" Eren said, his smile showing as he saw (Y/N) behind the screen.

She giggled, "Oh my God hi! You're so much cuter behind the screen," she replied.

Eren chuckled, "Thank you.. you're very beautiful yourself."

Her cheeks grew hot, "You're sweet but.. what's up? How are you doing tonight?" she asked with a smile on her face.

Eren leaned back in his chair, "I'm doing good, what about you? Do you work tonight?" he asked.

"No I don't actually.. that's why I decided to call you since I had some free time. Are you streaming today?" she asked.

He shook his head, "Nah.. I uh.. I decided not to since I was tired and I honestly was too lazy to get on," he chuckled.

"Oh Jaegerbomb is lazy huh? That's odd, you usually have so much energy." she giggled.

Eren smiled at her words, "Yeah I'm pretty lazy sometimes.. but y/nloveseren just insisted we facetime," he said in a dramatic tone.

She rolled her eyes playfully. "Oh shush! I was being sweet and plus I was bored, so be thankful I asked." she said, giggling a bit.

He ran his fingers through his hair. "Oh I see.. but I am thankful! You're a pretty sweet girl (Y/N), I love talking to you."

She felt bashful around him, Eren had this impact on her and she always had butterflies whenever his name popped up into her phone. He was sweet, attractive, exciting, and most of all he was an amazing listener; something (Y/N) never had.

"Thank you, Eren. You're a really sweet guy yourself," she replied, nodding her head to the side.

He propped his phone up on his bed, he adjusted himself so he was a bit comfortable. "Of course! You deserve it (Y/N)," he smiled.

The two talked for hours that night about so many things. They told each other different stories from their childhood, they talked about weird experiences they had, and they even got a bit personal with one another. Eren felt like that was a huge plus, he could never get this personal with anyone.

He loved the vibes he got from (Y/N), she was easy to talk to, funny, sweet, she matched his vibe and the two got along so well.

Eren had his mind made up.

She was worth losing sleep over.

-

A month or two had gone by since (Y/N) and Eren started talking. They were still very close and they talked pretty much all day everyday, that was something that rarely ever happened with a fan. Most of the time Eren wouldn't speak to fans long.

He considered her a friend, but he knew inside he wanted to be more than friends with her.

He was currently streaming at the moment, he was a bored; not much was going on and he was playing some Minecraft to pass the time. (Y/N) told him earlier in the day that she wouldn't be joining the stream till later because she was working late. It slightly disappointed him, but he knew that her personal life was important.

He sighed, "What do you guys wanna talk about? Ask me anything," he said, looking towards the chat.

A few questions bubbled into his chat, some were questions that he's answered before. But one question actually caught his eye..

jaegerist3452: what do you think about y/n?

He furrowed his brows for a second, why would they be asking about her? Sure, he told people that he was speaking to her and they talked outside of the streams, but nobody really asked.

"What do I think about (Y/N)? Oh, she's dope as hell. I love talking to her, there's a lot more I can say but I dunno.. she might not like it," he replied, leaning back in his chair.

His eyes scanned back over to the chat where everyone was spamming telling him to say it and that she probably wouldn't judge him.

"You guys really want to know?" he asked, sitting up a bit.

erensimp43: yes!! i wanna know!

jaegerist45: i'm down to listen

erensbiggestfan2928: tell us!

iloveeren1010: i wanna hear!

Eren let out air through his nose. "Well (Y/N) is a really really sweet girl, she's so nice and easy to talk to. Not to mention how great of a listener she is, her personality is something I value the most about her; she always makes me laugh and talking to her is my favorite part of the day. Most of all, she's beautiful. She's such a pretty girl and.. damn, I'd love to make her mine."

The chat began to blow up with messages.

jaegerist45: that's so cute man

jaegerbombfan20: awe 🥺

iloveeren_: that's adorable holy shit

erensbiggestfan1083: simppppp but that's so nice

He smiled at the thought of her. "Yeah call me a simp but... she's really amazing," he said.

y/nloveseren: wow 🥺..

His eyes bulged out of his head when he saw her name in the chat, a blush crept onto his cheeks feeling embarrassment washing over him.

"O-Oh shit.."

Everyone began to flood messages about how Eren just got caught, he felt embarrassed and really bashful. She most likely heard everything he just said, what if she was uncomfortable?

"Shit I'm sorry (Y/N).. I shouldn't have said that shit.. we barely know one another and you're probably really upset," Eren said, rubbing his temples.

y/nloveseren: no Eren ur fine! what u said was actually really sweet 🥺💗.. thank you <3

He sat up, "Really? Wait.. so you're not mad?"

y/nloveseren: no not at all! :) i can say the same about you.. you've definitely been really sweet and i really like you

His jaw dropped and a smile formed onto his features. "Wow.. I have no words. Can we text? Please?" he asked, raising his brows.

y/nloveseren: of course <3!

Eren reached for his phone and saw her typing in their dms, his eyes flickered upwards at the chat which was now going crazy over what they both said to each other.

jaegerist45: dude that's so cute

jaegerbombfan20: I'M GONNA CRY OMG

The vibration of his phone broke him out of his thoughts, he went to Instagram to view the message from her.

(Y/N): hey :), i heard what you said and it really made my day. i was having a shitty day at work and hearing what you said made me so happy, so thank you for that. i like you, eren. i know you may not feel the same but talking to you has been so amazing and i would love to talk to you more ♡.

He smiled before sending a reply.

Eren: i would love to! talking to you has made me so much happier and i'm glad we met. everything i said was true and i want to keep talking, you're amazing.

(Y/N): sounds like a plan ❤.

Eren smiled and looked up to see his chat spamming his name, many people took the hint that he was talking to her.

"I got her guys.." he said with a smile.

[marinerofthestars]

screaming into the void about arcane ep 5

Oh dang young Cait? GRAYSON? We be in flashback territory me hearties

Cool motive, still a cop

Wow Marcus really didn’t want anyone to know too much about his scapegoat (presuming he arrested Vi as a “dangerous criminal” to help him climb the career ladder)

Interesting – Cait knows who Silco is? And he’s an industrialist??

well looks like it’s time for some good old fashioned casual prison brutality

And now I’m wondering whether this is meant to show “there are no good cops, by being one you’re part of a fundamentally fucked institution”, or whether Riot are wimps and we’re trying to go “nOt AlL cOpS aRe BaD aPpLeS”

Well your city’s values are shit, but they did try to do something, so…kudos to them I guess

interesting, is that his kid or the kid of one of the Enforcers who got killed?

nvm

a good old not so subtle threat from Silco, but also him petting the dog and showing he gives a shit about people

Viktor, why do I get the sense that you’re one of those people?

well damn good on Jayce for actually trying to do something about the system

yesssss squirm Marcus, squirm like the maggot you are

Double helix…is this the origin of the Glorious Evolution? Is it really just going to be the result of magic-induced hallucinations? Or is Vik having an idea?

Interesting contrast of the blood and the steel of the guardrail, there’s probably a metaphor about humanity’s relationship to technology or the inevitability of emotion overcoming modernity’s logic, but I’m too lazy to find it

“To the realm of heebie-jeebies” Jayce you better not be trying to emulate Icathia young man

NOOOOO POWDER POOR BABY

Cait aren’t those tickets expensive? Oh wait you’re rich, you probably don’t think of it as a big expense (shower thought: do rich people think of themselves as being average money-wise? or are they aware what’s not a lot of money to them is an obscene amount to others?)

vi be doin parkour, trying to escape? or? Do some good old fashioned pursuer-pursued flirtation???

wait is that you, bald guy from the blonde Shimmer monster teenager’s gang? did you grow up?

“My little sister” ow

yeah honestly I’m with Viktor, using magic as a battery is nice and all but you can do so much more than you are with reality as your clay

roll credits

Ah, the good old “thing that the straight man thought was relevant isn’t and the wise guy seems to know less than they made themselves out to” trope

and a double switcheroo! “seemingly irrelevant task turns out to be important”

Ah Mel, as slimy and manipulative as ever (wait can someone tell me the optics are on the main “capitalist running dog” character being a black woman? I feel like that’s a little iffy but I’m not black and so don’t feel super qualified to judge)

Oh god it’s the scene from the trailer but EVEN WORSE

OH POWDER I AM SO SORRY YOU DESERVED SO MUCH BETTER

Remember when we just thought POW was meant to be a shorthand for “I like explosions” rather than a nickname? Good times, good times

ah a lovely visual metaphor for Powder’s fear she’s not strong enough

yeah bad mouthing Vi’s home, dumb move Cait

“favors among friends” my ass, you’re the problem with the system

yeah Jayce was VERY clearly uncomfortable with being offered councilor (could he have said no?)

well this seems…relatively innocuous (“support me and I’ll make sure you get access to my new stuff first”)

but of course, the fool shakes the devil’s hand, and his soul falls to the sound of laughing gods

beautiful violin music for fucked up politics tho! Wonder if it’s on YouTube or the Arcane OST

hey Cait be more sex positive! though with your background I can’t say I blame you, societal standards around sex work suck

*gasp* VICAIT VICAT VICAIT VICSIT

WOMEN YES YOU GO GIRL

omg that horrendously bad southern accent that immediately goes back to British/Piltovan(?)

“pirate”

oh my GOD

YOU

yussy is canonically plot-relevant I can’t

ah the coin stained with Grayson’s blood, Very Symbolic (but seriously why would he keep that coin? Even if it’s a reminder shouldn’t the blood be brown?)

OH SHIT THAT’S A WAY TO REMOVE A CHARACTER FROM THE PICTURE

HOW IS SILCO GOING TO SURVIVE THIS??

nvm Marcus continues to suck

I mean Topside will definitely have political and economic power – being able to explode skulls with magic doesn’t necessarily translate to true power, as lots of fiction is eager to forget

well, that plus I’m pretty sure he’s more a bio than a physics/mechanics/thaumaturgics guy

Yussy giving us some good old fashioned “do what you gotta do” survivor mentality

I am a mariner of the good ship Vicait but just this??? Cait?? Being tender?? With another woman??? 🥺🥺🥺 A+

Mel I’m sorry but you are so full of shit

viktor: Heterosexuality? in My laboratory? you fool. you nincompoop. you turnip holding dullard. my only loves are unethical science and glaring at jayce talis as i enter a state of sophisticated malding

and red, for the Evolution yet to come

oh shit *this* is the Evolution’s birth! presumably Viktor will wake up, see the hextech reacted to his blood, and realize integrating hextech with flesh is the way to go

ooh 2D fluid animation

Well fuck they just

What

Wh

Uh

Why are they intercutting these two scenes

I got spoiled and knew there was a Jayce/Mel sex scene at some point but why did they have to frame it like that

“better then gen:LOCK’s” my ass

Guess there’s your equal and opposite reaction – for every tender Cait and ViCait scene, there’s a really weird het sex scene

damn Jayce is really just this post but steampunk

Silco: dips

jinx: “um dad are you okay this can’t be happening again”

is it just me or does Silco look actually hot after that chem dip? If nothing else his hair’s def slicked back

Powder this might sound good but I promise you it’s gonna fuck you up in the end

“You’re strong now” kiddo you gotta make like Allison Ruth and realize that strength beyond strength is found only in those you love

“Jinx is perfect” oh god does he know what this means to her?

uh Silco why do you gotta hold her Like That

and this DEFINITELY isn’t healthy are you going to give her a rebreather Silco? Is she just going to hold her breath??? What if she emerges a new kickass woman and then dies a week later from septic shock???

JINX SHIMMER TRANSFORMATION?

no

something better

BWOMP

BWOMP (LOOK OUT FOR YOURSELF)

IT’S THE BOYS

THEY CANONICALLY EXIST IN UNIVERSE

WAS THAT MUSIC VIDEO OF THEM RELEASED BEFORE ACT II OR AM I JUST BEHIND

BECAUSE IF IT WAS RELEASED BEFORE THEN DAMN THAT’S A NICE TEASER

I am now just realizing that I would like sevika to please step on me

Bastard man is miserable at work! Good for him

wow that drawing does NOT bode well for his chances of survival (also can we please just let shitty cops be shitty without any redemption arcs? bad people can have sympathetic qualities but still be bad people)

Part of me – a small, silent part – feels kinda bad for Mel, because to the surprise of nobody it turns out being a manipulative elite is lonely

Oh

Oh fuck

This is much worse than just nausea and a nosebleed

Ah some good ol major arcana! though I’m not sure if they represent people or events, or if it’s just a cool little detail that ultimately doesn’t mean anything

YOU GO VI

oh so those guys ARE blonde shimmer monster’s old gang members! Bald guy got his nose fucked up tho

Wait it’s been a While since I saw Act I, did Vi and Sevika know each other? or is she a traitor in a broader class traitor sense?

ah the good ol fashioned slow mo cape throw off. bit cliche, but still classic!

OOF that’s gotta have hurt

okay at first I was wondering if I was overanalyzing this fight scene but. there’s definitely something iffy about all the protags being white and more antagonistic characters (Mel, Sevika) being POC

okay make the darker skinned woman display visibly animalistic behavior okay okay yep this is totally fine /s

at first I wasn’t sure how I felt about how the punches’ weight not seeming to connect, but yeah it’s very clear that this is a visceral fight, like episode 1 – no theatrics, just two people trying to beat the ever living shit out of each other and gradually wearing each other down

oh that reaction to her name is subtle but speaks volumes

OH FUCK

a mortal wound, to body and soul

Cait not saying you should have but you could absolutely have headshot her, especially in that brief pause where you looked all cinematic-like

thank you for proving my point Vi

Again, not saying killing her was justifiable (though maybe I’m overthinking how much socioeconomics influence the morality of a no punches pulled fight) but it’s kinda yours Cait

“But you’re so sweet. Like a cupcake.” “Shut up.” MY HEART

oh fuck Jinx is gonna use magic, like not just as a battery but actually do reality warping shit, oh god oh fuck

also as an aside: LOVE how Arcane portrays Jinx here. it’s nice to see the fact that she’s not only a mechanical genius (all her weapons? SHE BUILT THOSE HERSELF), but a mechanical genius who deals with psychosis (in maybe less than healthy ways, but still) highlighted, rather than just having her be “haha funny crazy explosion girl

Sevika: comes in clearly having been beaten up and with a busted arm

Silco: dammit sev I just got done with my eye goop needle

act ii finale is going to wreck me isn't it

[epickiya722]

You know what, I do have some thoughts about my fic "Beware of the Bunnies" and related. It may become a long post since I'm writing on feelings and flow here, so I'll just cut it here.

Or just ignore the post.

I'll be honest, BotB is one of my favorite fics I have written and completed. But it's one of the fics that I'm surprised actually been read. I'm still surprised to see "You Got Kudos!" and see that this fic gets them almost every day. It's almost at 700 kudos. I thought it would just be reaching 100 at this time.

Why?

It's not because I think the writing sucks. Not the best writing, but it's the best writing for me for what it is.

BotB is a comedy, a fic that plays on the relationship (IN A PLATONIC WAY) between two of my favorite BNHA characters Miruko and Midoriya. I wrote on whim, just bouncing off the idea of "What if Midoriya did his Work Studies with Miruko".

It was nothing serious, just a fun fic. I just wanted a fun fic where Deku got Miruko as his mentor and it wasn't because of some drama, angst plot point or whatever. So imagine my surprise when I got so many positive comments before even reaching the third chapter. I really did think that fic wouldn't get comments at all or kudos.

Around the time I started writing BotB, I noticed that most fics that do get a lot of attention are fics that involve explicit content, romance, angst, all that stuff. Before anyone comes after me (and I'm sure some ass hat will ignore this bit, it has happen before), I find nothing wrong with any of that stuff. You like what you like.

It's just with BotB, I don't have any major angst, drama, romance, none of that.

It is not a serious fic AT ALL. It's "crack treated seriously" at best. Who really cares nowadays to read something that is fun and not angsty and lacks romance?

Also characters. I chose to write a fic about Midoriya and Miruko being the main characters. I figured another reason why BotB even got touched is because I included other characters. Example, I'm sure a Hawks fan pressed on the fic just to read about Hawks. I'm not trying to sound salty here.

Be honest, though. Most fics that center around less popular (especially female) characters, platonic relationships, and rarepairs don't get touched as much as the other fics that do in this fandom. Miruko has 4000+ fics under her tag. Hawks though? 20000+.

Miruko may have gotten a growing fanbase (a guess), but be honest. If someone asked you to name a BNHA character, she's not the first character to come to your mind, is she?

Note: there's a little ship bashing in this next part, so if you happened to like Miruko being shipped with Midoriya, skedaddle and never return.

On top of that, the relationship. Now I wrote about the Miruko & Deku thing so long ago, but to reiterate... there are a lot more romantic Miruko & Midoriya fics than there is platonic. I HATE that ship like you wouldn't believe. It irks me thinking about it because when I wrote that fic, a lot of readers understood that the Miruko was just being a big sis (or mom figure some saw her as) to Midoriya. I only had one reader to comment if it was going to be a smut and I truly wanted to reach through my screen and grab them.

There is little less 150 fics involving the Miruko & Midoriya tag currently compared to the 200+ "/" tags for them. For goodness sakes, that tag is bigger than Shigaraki/Miruko and at least those two are adults!

So yeah, I was annoyed that that reader had the fucking nerve to ask. If I was going to write smut, I would have. If I was going to write romance. I know how to use tags, damn it. And if I was going to write something like that between them, I would have. But I hate that ship, I hate just how many fics exist of it, I hate someone even asked...

But I digress.

Writing and finishing BotB made me realize just how much I love writing Miruko fics where she isn't always this "always fighting", aggressive woman without the need to sexualize her or pair her WITH A MINOR.

It's the start. I don't think there is a lot of fics that explore Miruko as a person. We don't know much about her backstory except for Vigilantes, but I don't think a lot of people take the time to explore and make up more fan content for her be it a fanfic or art.

I really enjoy writing Miruko being Rumi. A woman who isn't always in a fighting mode. Someone who likes to laugh, watch her favorite shows, maybe go off the idea that she does have a pet rabbit. Relationship wise, I like her writing her interacting with other characters that isn't Fuyumi, Shigaraki and Hawks. (Again, nothing wrong with those characters. I swear, say anything I will block you)

That's why my other fic "There's Miruko, There's Rumi" exists. I wanted a fic where Miruko isn't always her hero persona. She's Rumi who is a human being with feelings, family and friends.

When people complain about the lack of content for their favorite characters and/or the specific content they want to see, I don't think they realize they can create that content themselves.

I wanted more wholesome Miruko content, guess what? I fucking wrote it. And I love doing it.

[conduitstreetcat]

20 Questions: Writer’s Edition

Thanks for inviting me to jump in  @lavenderandvanilla!

How many works do you have on AO3?

34 works, most of them co-written with @greenfaeriefeverdream

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

2,455,567. We love words.

3. How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Mormor.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1. Kiss or Kill, our very first fic, written to heal from Reichenbach trauma.

2. Tiger on the Silk Road, the most AU of our AUs, where 1001 Nights and Norse Mythology meet.

3. Tomorrow the World, teen Mormor in 1989. Raw and sweet and intense like only teenage love and despair can be.

4. Steve, a short story I wrote for The Green Faerie’s birthday. Steve, Jim Moriarty’s third in command, is a staple in our fics, and I figured he deserved a story of his own.

5. In shared fifth place: Lethe, the Adventure of the Amnesiac Tiger, and Today Your Love, the sequel to Tomorrow the World, where they are all grown up.

5. Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Always! Comments are mana from heaven for writers. We love them and will always reply, once we’ve come down from the dopamine high.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

All our fics have the FaerieCat guarantee that at the end the boys are happy, together, and alive (or a suitable measure of undead). Anyone else is fair game.

I guess This Is a Love Story must be angstiest, though it’s a kind of lead up to Moriamur, which I guess has the angstiest ending if you are not Mormor.

7. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Ohhhh, hard question! I guess The Ice Man Cometh because they have two cats at the end.

8. Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you’ve written?

We have written one, with Neil Gaiman’s Sandman, Moriamur.

9. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

No, that would be terrible.

10. Do you write smut? If so what kind?

The Jim Moriarty kind. Dark, epic, painful, bloody, ecstatic.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I’m aware of. Someone did once send me a picture of Instagram where someone had posted a quote from one of my fics without source.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Several people have asked if they could translate our fics, but we never heard from them since. Translation is bloody hard work.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Most of my fics have been co-written with The Green Faerie, and one with her and MsLadySmith. I have also written with The Afternoon Break, HastaLux, Flightless Bird, and MoonShineD

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

Mormor.

15. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

Faerie and I started a sci-fi but realized we weren’t in the right headspace to write something of such proportions. The idea was good though - hopefully in the future (ha).

16. What are your writing strengths?

I choose the best co-writer :) 

In seriousness, I think feeling the character and letting him flow through me in his most genuine voice.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Wordiness. I never use one word, sentence, paragraph, when a hundred can do.

18. What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

We sometimes do it, but only if it’s easy for the reader to deduce what’s being said, and if it’s not required information. For couleur locale it can be powerful.

19. What is the first fandom you wrote for?

Mystrade.

20. What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

So hard - like choosing a favourite child! They all have their charms.  If you put a gun to my head I’d have to say Kiss or Kill, as that is where it all began.

My at-button is broken so I can’t tag people (I tried above with a copy-pasted one but it doesn’t work). So if you would like to see your name here, consider yourself tagged ;)

[malfoys-demigod]

Favorite City, Favorite Day

Elijah Mikaelson x Female!Reader

Prompts: “Since you’re visiting if I’m correct, why not let me show you around?”, “For the sake of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?”, and “You still have that gift from me? I figured you’d have thrown it away by now.” “No, I never would.”

Word Count: 1.5k 

Summary: After half a century, you return to New Orleans, to feel the nostalgia of your favorite city, celebrate your favorite day, and encounter your favorite person. 

A/N: My first TVD/TO fic is about Elijah! One of my favorite characters ever! I’ve been wanting to write during Spring break and here I am, publishing it on the first day after the break. Enjoy! 

New Orleans had not changed.

As you took your first step back in the famous French Quarter, you immediately felt the feeling of home overwhelm you with vast joy and nostalgia. From left to right, there were colorful lights and ecstatic people, making what New Orleans was famous for: the busy yet festiveness day and nightlife.

One thing you probably noticed is how much more people there were today than the last time you were here, which was ages ago.

Somehow, Marcel and Klaus, the co-kings of the city, had brought in more people to the city, boosting its attraction level, which made you wonder how they did it.

But despite having a more crowded place, you could still tell who were supernaturals and who weren’t around the areas. As you continued walking, you observed the body languages of the people around you, scanning to see the vampires walking around.

These were the men who were most loyal to the co-kings of New Orleans, taking precautions around the surroundings, making sure they were doing their jobs well by being the eyes of Marcel and Klaus when they were not around the busy nightlife.

Too concentrated in finding more supernaturals around you, you accidentally collided into someone in front of you, feeling the glass they were holding spill on them.

“Oh my goodness, I’m so-”, “I hope I didn’t create much damage on your Armani suit,” you rephrased cooly, changing your emotional reaction as you saw who you collided into.  

Elijah Mikaelson withdrew a handkerchief from his breast pocket, still not looking at you, dabbed his suit with the handkerchief, concentrating on the spill. “For having a good eye on my suit, think nothing of the spill, dear.”

Finally, he looked up, creating an astonished look on his eyes but a joyful smile on his face as he realized who he bumped into.

“I’d ask you to buy me a drink but this really isn’t my favorite part of the Quarter,” you smiled, trying to contain your happiness. But it was hard. “Oh, hello, old friend,” you laughed, finally wrapping your arms around Elijah, who hugged you back, chuckling along with you. “Y/N,” was all he said, but with pure delight in his voice, sounding like a person he hasn’t seen in almost a thousand years.

When you both pulled away, you looked at him from top to bottom, nodding in agreement with what you were thinking, “You, old friend, are looking ageless as ever,” you joked, earning a pleased smile from him.

“Likewise, darling,” he returned your compliment, “I take it that it’s been half a century already since you’ve last stepped foot into your favorite city?”

You nodded in agreement, “Yet nothing has barely changed here,” you noticed, looking around the street then back at him.

Elijah had a bright look on his face, hoping you were also talking about him, “Since you’re visiting if I’m correct, why not let me show you around?” he asked.

“Well if it isn’t a bother,” you cheekily smiled, “I’d love that,” you said, happily shrugging.

The noble Mikaelson beamed, gesturing for your hand which you gave said, “Wonderful.”

--

This evening couldn’t get any better.

There wasn’t a single specific destination yet that Elijah wanted to take you. At the moment, he was simply taking you for a stroll around the beautiful nightlife of New Orleans.

Ever since the moment he first asked if he could show you around, your hand and his have never parted, as they were holding each other tightly without notice from the two of you.

The two of you had forgotten how loud New Orleans could be at night considering the fact that the two of you were only considering each other’s presence, trying to contain the adoration and affections you two have secretly had for each other.

“So tell me, Y/N,” Elijah continued the easy conversation you two were having, “How has life outside New Orleans been responding to you?”

“You mean life without you?” you smoothly rephrased his question. He grinned, looking directly in front of the street you two were walking on, trying to hide his growing blush on his face. “I’m just kidding,” you reassured him, “It’s been quite adventurous, but of course you were missing all the fun I could have shared with you.”

Elijah nodded, furrowing his eyebrows as he imagined your life without him, “You may be true but there could have been a chance of me depriving you of your happiness considering I tend to presume a day would go terrible if I’m not with Niklaus.”

You shook your head, denying his statement, “Any day would be terrible with Klaus with or without you,” you joked, “But kudos to him and Marcel,” you said, “They’ve made New Orleans more notable than when I was last here.”

“You may want to know though that they terribly miss you. We all do. I do,” Elijah softly said.

“I feel the same way too, ‘Lijah,” you admitted, “Life was so much different without you. I’m really glad nothing’s happened to you much in a way where I don’t have to go into a state of distress with the drama that gets you involved!”

He chuckled to himself, approving your words whole-heartedly. Then suddenly, his face changed, he began looking at you with a serious note. He stopped his walking, which you quickly took in and did the same.

“Forgive me, Y/N,” he said sincerely, “For the sake of curiosity, are you seeing anyone?”

Your serious face that you have developed after seeing Elijah’s suddenly melted into a burst of laughter, causing him to tense down a bit with a smile too, “Seriously, Elijah?” you asked, still laughing. It was only a few seconds after when you eased down and took a halt at your laughing. “Sorry, but you got me so serious for such a lightweight question.”

You exhaled, “No, I’m not seeing anyone,” you admitted, seeing that from his body language that he had mellowed down, feeling relieved from the softness of his eyes. “I take it that you’re somehow satisfied with that answer,” you teased, nudging his shoulder, which low-key served as a way to withdraw the sudden feelings you were containing.

Elijah looked down smiling, retrieving something from the inner pocket of his suit and began saying, “You’re right, and I also wanted to give you something with good intentions in mind.”

He slowly extracted a wrapped gift, which had ribbons of your second favorite color, wrapped around gift wrappings of your first favorite color. “Do you remember what happened on this day half a century ago?”

You slowly nodded, still looking at the gift, “Yes, I gave you a map of the world, telling you which places in the world I wanted to see.”

“Correct, and inside this gift is the exact same thing, but with my wrappings now.”

Elijah handed the gift over to you, which you rapidly but satisfyingly unwrapped the wrappings from, seeing the map you had given him, still in the same quality from the last time you saw it. The memories that had happened that day overflooded your mind, getting you to recall yourself telling Elijah the sequence of places you were going to see. Oh, you were so excited to see the world.

“You still have this gift from me?” you said, looking up with a sweet and soft smile, “I figured you’d have thrown it away by now.”

Elijah strongly shook his head, “No, I never would,” he denied, “And now that you’re here, perhaps you could use it to tell me which places I could have seen with you.”

Before you could tell him how much you agree on his idea, he suddenly added, “Adding to that, perhaps you could see a significant change in me.”

“What would that be?” you curiously asked.

Elijah exhaled and said, “Considering that you’re not seeing anyone, would you give me the honor and finally request the pleasure of your company whenever you’re free for a delightful time with me?”

There were suddenly butterflies in your stomach as you heard the question you’ve been dying for Elijah to ask you your whole life. You could tell you were smiling like a child but nevertheless, you nodded with cheerfulness, “I couldn’t be more happy, Elijah.”

“Not to be too forward though,” you continued, “But I think now’s the perfect time. We’re surrounded by my favorite city’s nightlife and, I don’t know if you’ve forgotten but, today’s a special day for me.”

Elijah took a step closer to you and slowly kissed you on the forehead, hearing your heartbeat beat faster, which made him even smile more. When he pulled back from the soft and light kiss he placed, he looked you in the eyes and said, “I could never forget your special day,” which got you to grin, “Happy birthday, my darling.” he greeted.

“Thank you, ‘Lijah,” you thanked him.

“Shall we?” he asked, “I’d like to take you to your favorite part of the Quarter.”

“We shall,” you said, linking your hand with his as you began strolling the street again together, in your favorite place, during your favorite day.

[twilights-800-cats]

Alrighty, I’ve finished Leopardstar’s Honor!

Here we go.

I think it was fine, leaning more towards bland. The saving grace for the story is Leopardstar herself - I think her characterization as a self-assured, somewhat selfish, overconfident cat is very spot on to her other depictions throughout the series. There are so many moments you want to pick her up and say “honey no”... maybe too many, honestly.

As far as criticisms go...

The Story As A Whole

One thing is obvious - the pacing is pretty bad. Not every super edition needs to start off from moment one of a character’s life and with the plot of this story as it stands, I don’t think this one had to. We could’ve easily skipped ahead to Leopard as a young ‘paw and had her relevant incident with Skyheart and the loss of her mother still deeply affect her.

As it is, we don’t spend enough time in any part of Leopardstar’s life to really get something meaningful out of it - relationships develop in leaps and bounds from chapter to chapter before being cut off unceremoniously or lost altogether. The book feels like a game of red light green light.

I think the exception to this is Leopardstar’s life as a warrior - we do spend a good deal of time there... but again, it suffers from the red light green light problem: conflicts stop and start on a whim and nothing’s really given room to breathe or last.

I think the story might’ve been better served to focus more on Leopard decision to form TigerClan. There’s more than enough content to justify the reason why and cutting a death or two might’ve given the TigerClan portions more chances to breathe and be more than just a horrible fearmongering mess. It feels like Leopardstar loses control too suddenly - nothing in this story feels like it’s allowed to be gradual.

One thing I did like, and I wish they had done more with, was Mudfur’s dream - almost every single super edition has a prophecy, and almost all of them suffer for it, but Mudfur’s dream was just that, a dream he had when he was a warrior, a hope that his daughter will rise up and become strong. Despite the uncertainty of that, the narrative still functionally treats the dream as if it were one of those prophecies. I think there was an opportunity there to perhaps lean into Leopardstar’s belief in this dream - especially if Mudfur tore it down later on in the book and used it to bolster Leopardstar’s confidence.

I also don’t think this book really did a lot to sell RiverClan - there’s no mention of the cats decorating their dens, like we’ve seen mentioned in other parts of the series. The distinction between river prey and land prey is something we’ve known since Crookedstar’s Promise. The story does do a bit to point out that RiverClan’s over-reliance on the river is a bad thing, but in the same sentences it destroys any sort of realism with how the river prey is described! Erins, do you have any idea how big salmon and carp are?! Do you understand how large a cat is?

RiverClan’s camp is also really poorly described, honestly. Nothing about it stood out to me, it didn’t feel like a place. Nowhere in RiverClan territory felt at all real because the names the cats gave them were given so little importance and we have no idea where anything is. There’s hardly any time spent describing RiverClan... ever. This is a massive, massive shame, since this is the first RiverClan content we’ve gotten in a very long time - and the first book of the next series is possibly also RiverClan-focused. It doesn’t inspire confidence.

The story is moving by the Redtail’s Debt retcon. No mention is made of Oakheart dying from a rockfall, and his death is treated as ThunderClan’s fault for the entire story - which would be fine if it were Leopard’s own delusion due to her hatred of ThunderClan, but that’s just not the case.

Obviously there are timeline inconsistencies as well, the largest one being ShadowClan warriors in the camp a chapter before it’s even mentioned that Leopardstar let them in. It was very strange to read. Events just seemed off from when they were meant to happen, but then again there’s not a whole lot of setting to anchor a reader in even what phase of the moon you’re in.

The Relationships

It’s safe to say the relationships in this book also suffer from the red light green light pacing. As soon as the reader - and Leopardstar - grow attached to a character... they’re killed. It reminded me of Bluestar’s Prophecy, like they were trying to evoke that same feeling of grief... but these characters have so little time to actually endear themselves to us, and there are so many of them, that it becomes fairly obvious that Leopardstar just isn’t meant to have friends!

Not only that but I honestly think the story missed a huge opportunity in the friendships that it chose to focus on.

I’ve spoken about her "romance” with Frogleap, but I’ll reiterate here: it’s weak, but not worthless. I wish there was more to it, more scenes of Leopard choosing the Clan over him, but it is what it is. I could’ve done without her constantly thinking of whether or not she should’ve been with him, though.

Whiteclaw was fine, and by extension I think Sunfish was fine, too, if only to serve the Whiteclaw sideplot, which I thought was well-done but needed perhaps more room to breathe; but Leopardstar has absolutely no relationship with cats like Stonefur or Mistyfoot, characters that she was reportedly extremely close to. When Stonefur is named deputy, there’s no weight behind it - he and Leopard had absolutely no connection. They barely say three lines to one another that aren’t relating to Clan business. Mistyfoot gets nothing until Leopardstar begs her to be deputy. It’s baffling!!

I also wanted more from Mudfur and Leopardstar’s relationship. He feels like he’s barely there, when he could’ve been a real presence in Leopard’s life, good or bad. I liked the angle of Leopard equating his doubts to her father considering her a failure - but it just doesn’t feel like it works. I thought something big would come from Crookedstar revealing that Mudfur didn’t want Leopard to be picked as deputy but... there’s no change in their relationship, at least not one that the pacing would allow us to see.

Tigerstar and Leopardstar is a contentious relationship to say the least but... I gotta say, I wanted more of it. I think this is the one story where Tiger feels like Tiger - manipulative and evil, but with very little of his moustache-twirling obviousness. It feels like he just disappears from the story entirely after he’s exiled from ThunderClan, only to pop back up again.

It’s probably awful to say, but... I kind of wanted a sour romantic relationship between Leopard and Tiger here. I do not trust the Erins to handle that with any ounce of grace, and I don’t seriously wish it upon the canon at all, but I thought that the possibility could’ve been interesting. The two did genuinely seem to have a connection, and even if they were romantic, I don’t think Leopard would’ve formed TigerClan just because she liked Tigerstar - the book had already established other reasons why she would think TigerClan a good solution.

I trust the Erins with relationships like I trust my dog with chocolate: I just don’t :P

--

I think that’s all my grievances so far. Kudos to anyone who read all this! I honestly feels like I’ve more negatives than positives to say about these books lately... Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoy them; but the writing quality has become exhaustingly inconsistent.

I really wish they would slow down book production and give these stories more thought - the readers deserve it, as do the authors themselves.

[csykora]

A thought about meaningful change

I don’t want to distract from the most recent thing Benn did. I’m going to be talking about several different things, and some might seem smaller than others: I know. I’m not saying that the newest thing isn’t important enough on its own or that everything’s on the same level. But I think patterns can be useful.

(I have also made myself sick with nerves a couple times so I’m posting this as is: sorry for typos, and while I’ll stand behind my ideas there may be some sentences that are a little long or awkwardly worded).

Back in 2015, Jame Benn and Tyler Seguin were doing a radio interview.

Some of you might be thinking, “You want to talk about THIS, AGAIN?” Yes. More of you are probably thinking, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.” Yeah, that’s what I want to talk about.

cw for discussions of sexual harassment, incest, homophobia, bullying, misogyny and transmisogyny, transphobia

So during this interview, one of the radio hosts asked Benn if he and his brother were ever road roommates. Benn said no, and the host commented that Henrik and Daniel Sedin probably roomed together.

“Well yeah…that’s the Sedins,” Seguin said.

“Who knows what else they do together?" Benn said. Everyone laughed.

“Seriously,” Seguin said.

"Dude, it's creepy," the radio hosts said, "In fact, it's a good example to future brothers in the NHL on how not to do things." Then they reassured Benn, “In no way am I implying that you have a Sedin-type vibe going about you.”

Benn and Seguin laughed. The conversation continued, calling the Sedins creepy for wearing similar facial hair, leaving nearby and spending too much time together.

When asked pointblank, “Are the Sedins weird?” Benn answered, “I don’t know. I can’t say.”

To finish the sentence he didn’t: he was implying that the Sedin brothers fuck each other.

Now, these were shock jockeys. They were almost certainly hoping Benn and Seguin would say something homophobic. That said, even shock jockeys pre-screen an interview. They’re not going to invite just anyone on the air and try this with them, because all it takes is someone saying, “I don’t know what you mean,” or “No, I actually respect Dan and Henke a lot as my colleagues” to ruin that set up. If a shock jockey thinks you’re a mark, you’ve probably said something off-air that made them think you’re a mark. And if they dug a pit in front of him, Benn is still the one who decided to stick his dick in it and make things overtly sexual.

After, the Stars stated that Benn had “reached out” the Sedins to apologize. Seguin did not reach out but was “included” in whatever Benn wrote or said. Neither of them gave a public explanation or apology. As far as I can tell the Sedins never commented on whether they received that message, what sort of apology it was, or whether they accepted it. Henrik Sedin’s only comment was, “I think it says more about them than it does about us.”

Ways that homophobia is working here:

-the idea that two men having any degree of physical or emotional closeness, even family members, is suspicious.

-Benn roomed with his brother. Course he did. The hosts spell out what he was afraid of: that the other men in the room might think he had the wrong vibe. He was so afraid of them thinking he had unmanly vulnerabilities like liking his own brother that he misrepresented the situation and pushed someone else forward.

-the idea that a man having any relationship to another man’s physical body or appearance, is suspicious.

Dressing or looking too similar to another man—which means you’ve paid attention to how another man’s body looks in order to copy him, like you’re trying to take ownership of his body, which = fucking him—is a really common accusation. Gay men are seen as lusting after and trying to copy other men’s real masculinity for themselves (but of course never quite succeeding). A man thinking that another man who he knows or suspects to be gay looks too similar to him, and so must have been watching and ‘copying’ him, is a common spark for homophobic attacks.

-the idea that any of this could have been a joke depends on the idea that two men having sex is wacky and unrealistic. Imagine if that happened, wouldn’t that be weird.

Now, someone might say, “It’s not that gay sex is wacky, it’s that the incest that is!” First, incest accounts for a lot of childhood sexual abuse, so I wouldn’t say it’s wacky either. And while it’s true that people can say awful things to different gender twins as well out of a combination of gender prejudices, in this case there were also homophobic ideas about men and masculinity at play.

Ways that power is working here:

-People forgot this fast. It was treated as settled because the Stars said it was settled. People gave “kudos” to Benn “doing the right thing” afterward, or for seeming to realize what was happening and not saying yes to the final question.

 I would argue that “I don’t know, I can’t say” is somehow a worse answer to a yes-or-no question, because it means that either you want to say yes but you’re scared of the consequences, or you sincerely don’t know what to say. All he had to do was say “No.” After he said “I don’t know,” Seguin continued and said, “They are weird.” If Benn had said, “No, actually they’ve been professional when I’ve worked with them and I won’t comment any more on their personal life,” Sequin might have noticed, and Benn might have encouraged him to change his behavior. Not saying “no” was a direct, demonstrable failure to show any kind of leadership.

-This counts as workplace sexual harassment. I’m not saying a case should have been pursued: that should have been at least partly up to the Sedins (although there should also be workplace rules about what is and isn’t acceptable without the victims having to ask for it). But that’s a word we can use for this, this could have been counted as that. Sexual harassment are actions based on a person’s gender, assigned sex, sexual activity, or other qualities related to sex, not just sexual attraction. I worry that often, conflicted feelings about putting people into the category of “Sexual Harasser” lead people to think that actions “aren’t bad enough” to be sexual harassment when they definitionally can be. In other lines of work, if you talk about your coworkers fucking their twins in the office, there are rules about that: at the very least, you’ll be getting a bunch of trainings and be moved to a part of the office where you won’t see them again.

In the NHL, it seems frighteningly clear that people don’t have recourse for sexual harassment. This was discussed and handled as a “childish insult”, not harassment against two coworkers/employees. Often, there’s a logic that something is just an insult, not a ‘real’ threat, because the person who did it couldn’t possibly be sexually attracted to the person they did it to.

-In 2015 Eric and Jordan Staal were living in identical houses outside Raleigh and ‘playing’ together every night. Seems super suspicious. Unless beefy Canadian boys’ behavior is normal, and European masculinity always has to be questioned as being softer-spoken, slimmer, more intellectual, scared of heavy hitting. There are a lot of reasons you might not call Eric Staal gay—maybe you know he’s bigger than you, more successful on Team Canada than you, more popular with the other Team Canada guys than you. Or maybe you just don’t look at him and think he could be gay. Or both. Eric is positioned so you’d have to punch up at him: Benn tried to position himself closer to that kind of social standing, by pushing someone else who already doesn’t quite fit in further out. This isn’t directly in the words, so I’m not all-out accusing them of xenophobia: what I mean is that it’s always worth asking if and how and why feminization is applied to Those Other People.

There’s the eating out thing. Which he sent to teammate Jason Demers, commenting “I feel like your (sic) the kind of guy who would”.

How misogyny is working here:

-the idea that this could have been funny or interesting or worth saying at all depends on the idea that vulvas are weird. Imagine if someone willing touched a cis woman with anything but their dick. Gosh.

-There’s no good explanation for what ‘the kind of guy who would’ was meant to mean. No one says, ‘Hey, do you do this widely mocked sex act? I don’t, but I think you would, and that’s cool and doesn’t affect your masculinity at all, bro, life is a rich tapestry.’

How power is working here:

-This counts as sexual harassment again. Even if asking a coworker (or really more like someone you shift-manage or who reports to you) ‘how do you fuck your partner?’ wasn’t, saying ‘you seem like you would do ___’ is. Again, I’m not saying that Demers has to feel that way about it, but he should have had options.

-Demers was also in a new relationship at the time, so this could be harassment to both him and his partner, who had no recourse when someone her partner has to work with/for comments on her body.

-I don’t think it was intended as sexual harassment. But there’s not really a nice explanation of what he meant to say. It seems like it was intended as an insult or a ‘warning’: ‘this is the way men are allowed and no allowed to be in our group, do you know your place?’

Around that time, the Stars shared a video of Benn, Seguin, and Valeri Nichushkin. Each were supposed to say a couple lines, including their name. Valeri pronounced his nickname ‘Vall’, with a native Russian accent, more like “Wall” in English. Each time Benn and Seguin laughed and questions him and the producer cut. After a couple takes Benn said, “I thought your name was ‘Val.’” 

Sequin physically turned away from Nichushkin and laughed. Nichushkin, not understanding the comment, and not laughing, turned to Benn for an explanation, but Benn only turned toward Seguin, both continuing to laugh.

It was part of a pattern of comments from observers: “If Tyler Seguin and Jamie Benn are having a laugh in the locker room, Nichushkin can only guess what’s so funny.” They themselves commented on how “His English is really not good at all…A lot of times we find him just sitting there.” “(In) normal conversations, he doesn’t really know what’s going on.”

I’ll give them credit—they said they felt pity and “try to help” too. I just can’t find any examples of them doing it, compared to teammates like Sharp or Spezza who can more concretely describe spending time with him.

Nichushkin chose to burn contract time in the KHL rather than Dallas before being bought out, expressing that he no longer felt like he “belonged in the NHL.” He felt that the Stars didn’t “trust” in him, was “nervous” in the locker room, and said his family worried for his mental health because of the culture.

“There is a bit of it because I want to be part of the conversation when someone says something,” Nichushkin said. “But I don’t have enough words I know so I can join in.”

-Is it the worst xenophobia in the world? Nah. It’s not free from xenophobia, when the only joke is that someone speaks differently than you. It’s not Benn joking about his own misunderstanding to invite Nichushkin in. I often point to Tripp Tracy, who asks players to teach him words in their language and then sets up jokes about his accent so they can deliver the punchline and laugh with him.

-Is it bullying? It kind of came off like it, to make a joke about someone you know can’t understand. At least it was unnecessary, and unkind. It’s just reminding someone they don’t belong.

-It’s unimpressive. It’s deflecting. Oh, he doesn’t know what’s going on? What did you do to tell to him? My family communicate through a mix of finger-signing, Scrabble tiles, and interpretive dance: I guarantee you, if you can’t communicate concepts like “we’re going to get dinner now, you’re welcome here, we’re having fun!”, you’re not trying. Which is fine, I guess, you don’t have to talk to people, unless it’s like, your job to work with your teammates.

Wanting to ban trans*feminine athletes from competition is based on a complete misunderstanding of math, medicine, and athletics; it’s unnecessary, unethical, and unkind.

It’s an unsurprising continuation of the ideas that there’s a line between men and women and transgressing it is suspicious, that women are gross, that people who are different are shocking and funny, that social pressure can and should be used to remind people who are different that they don’t belong.

It’s a fascist use of power, which I don’t say to mean that “He is A Fascist in every sense,” but that those beliesf express a desire and a comfort with using power to control other people’s bodies, and which bodies have access to certain spaces, to maintain “purity”.

I’m not saying that anyone should have looked at any of these things and easily decided in that moment, “That’s it, he’s shouldn’t have a platform or power over other players, he’s irredeemable.” You might look at a couple of them and think, “That’s not even a problem at all.” I’ll agree to disagree on some of them, but my point is about a pattern of how this dude uses the power he’s given.

I have a phrase, or more a series of words I sometimes yell when I’m talking about subjects like this—“STRUCK A TIM HORTONS.” I shout this in commemoration of the time that Ryan O’Reilly got drunk and drove his pickup into the wall of a small town Ontario Timmies.

“Struck a Tim Hortons” is a very good phrase to read in a police report. And, also, I’m an ACoA. I’ve experienced impaired driving, I’m terrified to shaking of it, and I know that other people have experienced much worse consequences. This isn’t a perfect metaphor (it’s not an example of prejudice or violence against a class of people, etc) but my point is that I try to hold it in my heart because that’s one case where I know what it’s like to really, really want something to just be NBD. Where part of me wants to just think it was a funny mistake so I don’t have to really think about the serious implications of it, and part of me super doesn’t. I have an instinct to resolve those feelings, to come down and decide that it’s either insignificant enough that I don’t have to think about it, or significant enough that I can hate him and then also stop thinking about it, and then I can have the relief of feeling just one feeling at a time.

I don’t think it’s bad to feel conflicted learning something about someone. I think it’s important.

But the problem is that if one thing isn’t significant enough, and we decide to keep thinking someone is fundamentally Good, we often toss that thing out. So when another thing happens, we only look at the new thing, trying to decide: is this enough? And that next thing might not be enough either. So we can go on and on, until you add up to a lot of things that have each done some harm, but none of them have been enough to change how we see and talk about someone.

Now I, personally, decided that the Timmies wasn’t so bad that ROR couldn’t ever make it up to me. But I didn’t decide to feel fine about it: I tried to just put a pin in how conflicted I felt. It’s been years, and over the years I think his actions have showed meaningful change. He hasn’t struck a Starbucks, a Dunkin, or even a Caribou. There’s a pattern.

I think a lot of people who don’t really like the things Benn says or does or believes have given him a lot of chances to make up for them, because they don’t want him to really mean those things. By which I really mean that I know there are a lot of women and queer fans who liked the guy. I get it (I don’t actually get it get it, but I mean I can try to understand people coming from a very different place than I do about him). 

I’ve read a lot of ways that people who are themselves vulnerable in our society try to empathize with him by imagining him as vulnerable too--he’s also experienced fatphobia, homophobia, he wasn’t expected to succeed, etc! I think that’s a wonderfully human instinct. But often I think people have more empathy for those experiences than he expresses for himself--he agrees that it was Bad to be fat and he’s Worked Hard to fit into the masculine norm, he agrees that it’s Bad to be close with another man and works to avoid it--and certainly more than he has showed in his actions toward others. If you’re going to say I hate him for saying that, I don’t--I want him and everyone in our society not to feel and do this shit!

I see a lot of people starting from the idea he is a good leader trying really hard to spin his choices as a smart strategy when he plays dumb with media, when he doesn’t give specific action plans or give public statements or apologies. (I actually agree with the first one, I think it is a strategy for him to avoid transparency and not do a part of his job that he doesn’t want to do.) It just…it seems like a lot of work to reach a pre-determined goal. It’s okay to like someone and for them to still not be good at their jobs! When I say I think a guy’s not a good leader, that’s not always the same as saying he’s a bad person. And if we keep on promoting a guy as a good leader because we like them regardless of their demonstrated leadership skills…that’s how we end up with a lot of shitty policies in the NHL.

Over the years he has consistently avoided stepping up to his captaincy and using his personal power to say things like, “No,” “Tyler, cut it out,” “This is what I’m going to do to fix a problem,” or “I believe in…” anything, really. 

I really, really want to ask people to be mad as hell and advocate for the NHL to improve its code of conduct and harassment processes. I do. But I’m also tired. I don’t think, if I did ask you that, it would work. I don’t have an argument for why you should be mad at someone who’s mad at my existence. I’m not trying. I just want to encourage you, if you’re feeling the tug of feelings and just want to be able to simplify someone’s behavior and love them in simple terms, to put a pin in the more complicated parts, and remember them the next time, and look for patterns.

[lavender-lotion]

Fanfic Writer Asks

I was tagged by @asarcasticwitch - thank you so much!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

737, which is an ugly number :(

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

1,890,054 words, which ... AH I might actually get to 2mil by the end of the year!

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

thank you, ao3 dashboard for this handy list:

Teen Wolf (TV) (377)

X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies) (187)

Marvel Cinematic Universe (93)

Glee (29)

Young Justice (Cartoon) (11)

Kingsman (Movies) (9)

Original Work (9)

The Avengers (Marvel Movies) (8)

Criminal Minds (US TV) (7)

Thor (Movies) (6)

Deadpool (Movieverse) (5)

Weird City (TV) (5)

X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) (4)

Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga) (4)

Ragnarok (TV 2020) (4)

Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies) (3)

Teen Wolf (TV) RPF (3)

Iron Man (Movies) (3)

The House in the Cerulean Sea - T. J. Klune (2)

Venom (Marvel Movies) (1)

Stranger Things (TV 2016) (1)

Captain America (Movies) (1)

Fate: The Winx Saga (TV) (1)

Power Rangers Ninja Storm (1)

X-Men - All Media Types (1)

Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan (1)

Riverdale (TV 2017) (1)

X-Men Evolution (1)

Push (2009) (1)

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

With You, I Belong

Mates and Marriage Proposals

The Perceptions of You and I

(baby) maybe that matters more

Breathing You In

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

ughh so, fair warning, I have a lot of works. I definitely do not remember all of them, however I do have four works tagged as Unhappy Ending and then another nine works tagged Ambiguous/Open Ending, which is way more than I’d thought I had! 

however, there is one fic that stands out in mind when I think about which of my works has the angstiest ending! Heed the tags :)

And Now?

Teen And Up Audiences | Major Character Death | M/M | Teen Wolf (TV) | Chris Argent/Peter Hale/Stiles Stilinski | Chris Argent, Peter Hale, Stiles Stilinski | Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Canonical Character Death, Peter Hale Dies, Unhappy Ending

Stiles Stilinski finds out who his soul mates are by setting one on fire.

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

ughhhhhhhh I truly do not know??? 

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

I don’t write many crossovers at all! I have some mcu/teen wolf cross overs, I have a teen wolf/glee cross over plotted (that i’ll probably never write), but my strangest is probably this teen wolf/x-men cross over!

what-ifs (don’t fuckin’ matter to no one)

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)Teen Wolf (TV) | Logan (X-Men)/Sheriff Stilinski | Logan (X-Men), Sheriff Stilinski, Stiles Stilinski | Memory Loss, Telepathy, Mentions of War, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Child Neglect, Grief/Mourning, Telepath Stiles Stilinski, Telekinetic Stiles Stilinski, Nightmares, Cuddling & Snuggling

There’s somethin’ there. Somethin’ that has him sleeping curled up on his side with a pillow tucked to his chest, somethin’ that has him splittin’ up his food ‘fore he eats ‘cause he don’t need as much as a baseline. Has him turnin’ to tell someone shit that ain’t there. There’s just...there’s just somethin’ there that’s missin’ and it shouldn’t be missin’.

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

sometimes! I don’t write a lot of smut because I actively dislike writing it, but the smut I do write is super super soft and sappy and full of emotions lol

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond to almost all of my comments! comments i won’t respond to: negative comments, unsolicited criticism, comments that aren’t relevant to the fic itself, comments simply asking for more 

I love love love responding to comments! I love every single comment that I get and I want to show how much I appreciate getting them, and personally I think responding to comments is the only way to do that! everyone has different comment philosophies, but for me, if someone is taking the time to comment on my fic like I so badly want them to, I think it’s important to respond to show my appreciation! 

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

aha YEAH I DO. this past weekend I actually got a number of shitty comments and had to file two ao3 abuse reports for harrasment (: I love it

I am no stranger to hate comments. I write copious amounts of age difference fic. I write copious amounts of incest. I am not going to apologize nor am I going to feel bad for enjoying either.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

ughhh I sure as heck hope not! 

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! I have a number of them :) I always always do my best to make sure it’s linked to the original fic, AND that I add a tag noting that there’s a translation!

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I have made a few attempts! the only successful attempt is there's nothing i wouldn't do to make you feel my love which is a collaboration with @flightinflame, not quite a co-write!

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

I am unable to answer this lol I don’t have an all-time favourite. mutli-shipping forever.

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

god okay this is such a good question! imma ramble about a few so bear with me here! (i may have 700 posted works but I also have a few hundreds wips & ideas floating around in my gdrive, too)

gone & past - this is a starrish wip i’d started in 2017. I ended up deleting it from ao3 to rewrite it and never got there, but I have about 20k of content! I built my home, inside of you - thorki human au with college jock thor and high school dancer loki. i’ve got a start and nothing else Sheriff Stilinski Gets Some Sweet Sweet Lovin’ - massive wip where... well, the sheriff fucks his way through the entire pack. I want to write it but. trans allison au - this is an au where allison is trans and that changes the entire season 1 canon. it features stallison, petopher, and a looooooong ass outline that will never exist beyond my wips You Fill My Heart (With Such a Gentle Love) - this is a stetopher a/b/o au with pregnant omega stiles and alpha pair petopher falling in love. it started as a labour of love to someone I no longer have in my life. I have about 30k, a full outline, but idk. makes me sad to think about it they slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered - this is my big x-men first class rewrite that I honestly don’t think i’ll ever finish. I have a few thousand words, a full outline, but no love lost for cherik so. doubtful Physiotherapy (I'll Be Your Baby) - this was a fic I was SO excited about, and then it kinda flopped and stayed a wip because I didn’t have a plan or the motivation to finish it. it’s a winterspider human au with amputee bucky and science twink peter that I adore the premise of but who knows breathing you in chapter 2 - I have a massive second chapter planned for this fic but the first did so good so fast I am way too intimidated to write more in case everyone hates it lmao

there are more arjgoirjeg there are so many more but these are the bigger ones I can think of right now!

16) What are your writing strengths?

ughhhhh I hate answering this because I have, like, seriously bad imposter syndrome around my writing BUT I do think i’m able to weave poignant backstory into narration & i write strong, distinctive narrative voices!

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

literally I can’t write settings at all. I don’t know how people vividly describe settings but I absolutely cannot do that and it’s one of the reasons I haven’t delved into original fiction. I need to write the town my characters live in?? fuck that imma just use a location we’ve seen on screen & let readers fill in the blanks lmao

I am also shit at long fic. I don’t have the mind for long and interesting plots, and I don’t have the focus to write long fic (which is why every long fic i’ve ever posted has taken me literal years to complete smh).

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I like it! both as a reader and as a writer. as a writer, I generally only use a few words, or small sentences that can be understood by context, and I generally don’t 

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

the last thing I wrote and posted was this one:

Languish

Teen And Up Audiences | No Archive Warnings Apply | M/M | X-Men (Original Timeline Movies) | John Allerdyce/Bobby Drake | Bobby Drake, John Allerdyce, X-Men (Team) | Not Canon Compliant, Future Fic, Established Relationship, Summer, Teasing, Fluff

It was a really, really hot Saturday, and most of the school was outback, enjoying the sun, not caring about the heat, and having the time of their life.

Everyone but Bobby, of course, who was melting away.

“I just want to remind everyone that I make ice. I am the Ice Man. I am not built for the heat and soon enough I’m going to melt away into nothing.”

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

this is another impossible question! I have a few I really enjoy, but I really don’t think I have a favourite that stands out above the rest!

i’m tagging: @4magicandmayhem @insertmeaningfulusername @midrashic @wynnefic @ikeracity @stronglyobsessed @elledelajoie @wolfnprey​ & anyone else who sees it and wants to do it! seriously! go ahead :)

blank questions below the read more!

1) How many works do you have on AO3?

2) What’s your total AO3 word count?

3) How many fandoms have you written for, and what are they?

4) What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

5) What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

6) What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

7) Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest one you’ve written?

8) Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

9) Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

10) Have you ever received hate on a fic?

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?

13) Have you ever co-written a fic before?

14) What’s your all-time favorite ship?

15) What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

16) What are your writing strengths?

17) What are your writing weaknesses?

18) What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

19) What was the first fandom you wrote for?

20) What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

[missroserose]

Fic Writer Question Meme!

Thanks for the tag, @venhedish—I love stuff like this! I'd apologize in advance for how long this is likely to be, but I suspect we share that tendency, haha.

How many works do you have on AO3?

20 total. I've been publishing there since late 2018, so about three years now. That sounds right for me—I'm way too perfectionist to ever be prolific.

What's your total AO3 word count?

125,744! Apparently it takes me three years to write a novel's worth of words I feel are worth publishing...which also sounds right.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Three, primarily: The Lost Boys, Stranger Things, and Supernatural. Mostly Stranger Things, since I was pretty enmeshed in the Harringrove community for about a year and a half, though these days I'm hanging out more with the SPN crowd. We'll see if that translates to more fics.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

1.) Sunflower (524) 2.) Quickly, look away (506) 3.) We'll Become Who We Meant To Be (383) 4.) Too Young To Fall In Love (333) 5.) When the Waters Start to Cross (283)

First, what's not surprising: all are Stranger Things/Harringrove works. I'm a little surprised to see that "Sunflower" had edged out "Quickly" as my most-kudosed story, for years it was the other way around—but maybe that's actually not that surprising—part of the reason I haven't been as active in the fandom is that I really love the darker and more complex renditions of Billy Hargrove's character (a la "Quickly") and since S3 aired it seems like the fashion has moved more towards more lighthearted fluff (a la "Sunflower"). Still, both are pretty undemanding smut, so it makes sense that they're on top; similarly, I'm not surprised to see "Too Young To Fall In Love" in the top five either.

I am a little surprised that "We'll Become Who We Meant To Be" is #3—it's honestly close to genfic, there's only the tiniest moment of hinted-at attraction in there. I'm not mad about it, I honestly feel like it's one of my better efforts; on the other hand, "Wake Me Up" was in a similar vein and it's close to the bottom. I guess there's just no telling what's going to catch on...in fairness, a 25K outsider POV novella is a much bigger ask than a 3K short story.

Honestly, I'm probably most surprised at "When the Waters Start to Cross" cracking the top five—it's a 52K+ WIP and a profoundly complex atmospheric existential horror/romance, which is, like, five strikes against it. I'm not mad about it, though—I love that fic, even if it is a huge time and energy suck, and it definitely contains some of my best writing.

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I do! Sometimes it takes me a while, but I genuinely appreciate people taking the time to leave feedback (even if it's just a string of emoji!). And every once in a while I'll get really thoughtful or incisive comments that spark whole conversations—that's one of the best reasons to write fic!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

Hmm...to be honest, nothing immediately comes to mind; I love angst but tend to want it to serve a purpose, i.e. it gets a character closer to who they want to be. So most of my endings are at least hopeful. *checks list* It looks like probably my angstiest ending is also my first fic posted, "Blue Masquerade". Poor Michael.

Do you write crossovers? If so what is the craziest one you've written?

I don't currently write crossovers; I wouldn't rule it out, but frankly I haven't come across an idea that appeals to me. Waaaaaay back in the mists of time I had a Daria/Harry Potter crossover that I was actually pretty proud of, but I got about as far as getting them to Hogwarts and then kinda ran out of ideas, so I never posted it.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not that I can think of? I'm not big-time enough to get hate, haha. Worst I ever got was some rando asking for top or bottom tags, which I just ignored, and one person on "We'll Become" who was like "I don't like this pairing but you did a good job", which kinda had me like ??? thanks, I guess? I did get one comment on "Quickly, look away" from someone who felt like it was in a different headspace from the fic I wrote it as a sequel to, but that didn't strike me as hate, it's a perfectly fair observation.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

So first off, yes, and second...I recently came across this great Garth Greenwell quote that really gets at what I'm trying to do when I write smut:

In America in 2019 we are inundated with images of bodies to an absolutely unprecedented degree—images of eroticized bodies, images of sexual bodies; the Internet makes all our fantasies visible, and it trains us in new fantasies. And yet it also seems to me that our culture suffers from a dearth of representations of embodiedness, by which I mean of bodies imbued with consciousness. I’m not at all antiporn, but sometimes pornography (maybe especially Internet pornography, with its arms race of extremity) seems to want to evacuate bodies of personhood, to present them as objects. I think literature is the best technology we have for representing consciousness, and so I think there’s a kind of intervention that literature can perform in representing sex explicitly: it can reclaim the sexual body as a site of consciousness.

"Embodied porn" is probably the best description I can come up with—I love writing sex precisely because it's such a charged form of communication (Greenwell's words again), because there are things a character can do and say in that context that they never would normally. Like, sex acts are great and all, but what really does it for me is what's going on in their head, what's the history that brought the character to this point, how're they handling the inherent vulnerability and intimacy of this incredibly risky but potentially rewarding moment. Kink (whether through roleplaying, props, costumes, or whatever) is really just another way of adding to that personal meaning, since without the characters' reactions any trappings are meaningless.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of!

Have you ever had a fic translated?

No, although I'd love to work with a translator someday (whether with fic or another context)—I'm fascinated by the inherent puzzles in translating between languages, especially with informal speech and its many idioms and cultural references.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Not yet! I'd be open to the idea, but it definitely has to be with the right person...

What's your all time favorite ship?

Isn't that basically like asking a mom to choose her favorite kid? Seriously, I like different things about all of them...which one's getting the most attention depends entirely on mood and headspace and other effectively random variables.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don't have any I've given up on entirely, yet. Even Waters, as beastly complicated as it is, I've been ruminating on and adding to and arranging in my head lately...

What are your writing strengths?

Atmosphere, character, dialogue. I've said it before, I'm a capital-R Romantic at heart: I love writing settings that reflect and reinforce a character's headspace—while also implying what said character might be missing in their viewpoint.

Something I've noticed—my husband worked for years as a penetration tester, which meant he would regularly have to talk his way past people on a moment's notice. So, unsurprisingly, we both notice people, but he tends to observe their presentation (clothing, accessories, especially ones that're markers of social class and group belonging that allow him to tailor his approach), whereas I notice what they say and how they say it—and, often, what they don't say.

What are your writing weaknesses?

I suddenly feel like I'm in a job interview, haha. Perfectionism is a big one—I have a tendency to feel hopeless and quit if something's taking too long, rather than persisting until I get it sorted, even though some of my best work is stuff where I persisted. Also, I'm big on emotional intensity—which isn't a bad thing, necessarily, but I sometimes read back over my stuff and I'm like "geez, Ambrosia, ease up a bit"...I could definitely use some comic relief in my writing sometimes, but I think I'm often too insecure to try it.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I don't have any in particular—I rarely do it myself, because I don't trust myself to do it properly. (Perfectionism again!)

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Daria, way back in the day. My work is still up on FF.net...sometimes I wonder if anyone's ever going to dig it up and confront me with it, haha. (I doubt anyone will ever care that much...I guess I'm more just curious if my style from twenty years ago is recognizably me.)

What's your favorite fic you've written?

If we're talking about finished fics, probably either "Wake Me Up" or "Young At Heart"—they're both pretty oddball, but both required a fuckton of work and both came out pretty close to what I wanted. But "Waters" is my biggest baby...maybe I'll open up Act III to work on today...

Thanks again for the tag, Ven! I'm going to tag @ihni, @redmyeyes, @twobrokenwyngs, @skybound2, @sambrosia, @shewritesdirty, @introvertia, @coffeeandchemicals, and @anarchist-billy—if you're up for some rumination, I'd love to hear your thoughts on your writing!