#no judging just seemed kinda funny that this 60 year old is getting money from there.

[shitrubbish]

I would have never guessed in my life that there'd come a moment in time where I ask my coworker if they have heard of a thing called onlyfans

[mst3kproject]

The Cape Canaveral Monsters

This movie was written and directed by Phil Tucker, who did the same for MST3K classic Robot Monster, and stars Katherine ‘Batwoman’ Victor.  It was shot mostly in and around Bronson Canyon, because the desert rocks of California look exactly like the wetlands of Florida.  I haven’t even pressed ‘play’ yet and I already need a drink.

A couple are driving home from the beach when they get into a car accident, and their bodies are taken over by a pair of aliens named Haran and Naja.  Almost immediately, mysterious accidents start to plague rocket launches at Cape Canaveral.  While the scientists try to figure out why their shit is blowing up, a bunch of supposedly-young folks on a double-date pick up some weird interference on their car radios. When they go looking for the source of this, the aliens capture them and inform them that they will be beamed back to the home planet as frozen specimens – or used as spare parts to upgrade the aliens’ undead bodies, which are slowly falling apart!

The Cape Canaveral Monsters is a better movie than Robot Monster, but honestly… what isn’t?  Fuck’s sake, Battlefield Earth is a better movie than Robot Monster (though if I had to pick one to watch, I’d choose Robot Monster because it’s short).  There was really nowhere for Tucker to go but up.

Sadly, the very fact that it is (slightly) better also makes it less interesting than Robot Monster.  Robot Monster is a sixty-two minute parade of bad ideas, cheaply realized, so far off the deep end of terrible that it becomes mesmerizing.  Cape Canaveral Monsters doesn’t have anything nearly so weird as aliens in gorilla suits who communicate by bubble machine, or nearly so cheap as visible strings holding up their space stations. It’s got actual sets instead of being filmed in some rubble and a field, and an attempt is made at a couple of special effects.  There’s certainly nothing so jaw-droppingly incompetent as Ro-Man’s inept philosophizing, and there’s an identifiable hero in the form of Tom, the oldest and smartest of the four young people.

But that still leaves it a lot of latitude to suck, and Cape Canaveral Monsters sucks balls.  The photography is awful, with a lot of shots noticeably over-exposed and some terrible framing and composition.  The film stock was cheap to begin with and it doesn’t help at all that it was around fifty years old by the time somebody put it on DVD for 85¢. It’s nearly impossible to see anybody’s faces, although that’s kind of okay, because nobody here gives a performance worth watching.  When the best actor in your movie is Batwoman, that’s sad.

You may have noticed that I said an attempt was made at special effects – this attempt is in no way successful. When not occupying human bodies, the aliens are literal white spots bobbing around in front of the camera (man, remember the good old days when alien invasions were just two people who could be taken out by some plucky teenagers and one redneck with a gun?). Rocket launches are of course all stock footage, but since they’re unsuccessful launches at least we get to see something besides the same five shots all the other 50’s rocket movies use.  The aliens’ high tech lab consists mostly of dials and their communications antenna looks like it’s made out of lawn furniture.

My favourite bad effect in the film is any of the ones connected with Haran’s missing arm, which is sort of a running thing if not exactly a joke.  When the previous incumbent of his host body was killed in the car wreck, his left arm was severed – Naja goes back to collect it, saying she’ll sew it back on. The arm she retrieves from the back of the car is very clearly still attached to somebody, who is not very good at keeping still.  Later, a dog rips this arm back off and proudly presents it to the military types. It’s hard to judge how good this fake arm is because of the bad photography, but it is still in a sleeve – yet when we see Haran a moment later, his sleeve is bloodied but still very much intact. You can probably guess that the ‘missing�� arm is often clearly visible under the actor’s shirt.

Likewise, the sets.  Haran and Naja’s base is in a cave, which is almost definitely the same cave inhabited by Ro-Man and the Parrot-Bear from Night of the Blood Beast.  The inside of this cave is an empty room full of dials – the same dials, rearranged in the same empty room, form the NASA control room where the scientists are working. The Sheriff’s Office later in the film is literally a niche in a wall.  I actually kind of admire their determination.  It takes guts to try making a movie when you’ve got so little to work with.

The most interesting idea in the movie is one I don’t think it meant to include, and that is the inconvenient fact that the bodies the two aliens are occupying are dead.  The Cape Canaveral Monsters never makes much of this except for Haran repeatedly needing replacement arms (and at one point a chin).  We never go into whether they still need to do things like eat, sleep, and pee.  It’s kind of a shame, because there’s potential here for both horror and comedy. The aliens don’t appear to feel pain, so that Haran can lose his arm and only be mildly annoyed by it… this, and the repeatedly sewing new ones on, could have been funny if handled right (the bit where he awkwardly fires a giant ray gun using only one arm is kinda funny, but not on purpose).  If they’d met anybody the couple used to know, that could have been creepy. Sadly, the whole plot point is only present to keep the budget down, since they don’t need costumes for the aliens.

Another thing that could have been used to better effect is the tense relationship between the two aliens.  Haran and Naja don’t like one another, and spend a fair amount of time bickering like an unhappily married couple.  Naja seems to be in charge, while Haran is some kind of technician who resents her trying to micromanage him.  None of this, unfortunately, is ever explored.  The arguments are used to provide exposition. Why they don’t get along, and why they were sent on this mission together regardless, we never find out. You’d think their disagreements would be key to their defeat, but instead the scientists build a bomb out of salt, hydrogen, and everybody’s belt buckles.

(This is one of several stars The Cape Canaveral Monsters earns for bullshit Movie Science.  Not only do we have this bit, there’s also the part where Haran tells his captives that the bubbling liquid involved in beaming human specimens home is ‘like your hydrogen’ but with a ‘much greater’ atomic weight.  At least they got the chemical name of salt right, although I can’t imagine in what universe scientists actually ask their families to pass the sodium chloride at dinner.)

Besides obtaining specimens, the other reason Haran and Naja are on earth is to keep our space program stalled until the aliens’ invasion fleet arrives.  Exactly what good it would do us to be able to launch a capsule with one guy in it (which was what we were working up to at the time this movie was made) is not explained… maybe it’s gonna take hundreds of years for the rest of the aliens to get here and they’re afraid we’ll develop warp drives and photon torpedoes before they make it?  The pair identify themselves as Earth Expedition Two, which naturally makes the viewer wonder what happened to Earth Expedition One.  Are they in Russia, trying to keep Yuri Gagarin on the ground?  Or was 1 just a complete failure and now we’re on Plan 2 From Outer Space?

At the end, the humans have blown up the aliens’ cave and they leave laughing.  “I don’t think we’ll see them again!” Tom declares.  This seems overly optimistic, as there is at least that one other Earth Expedition, and sure enough, the ‘gotcha’ ending immediately proves him wrong.

Thinking about Robot Monster and The Cape Canaveral Monsters, it seems to me that Phil Tucker really wanted to do some epic storytelling.  In the former we have the tragic tale of an alien discovering human love and beauty, only to be destroyed before he can fully come to terms with them.  In the latter we have advance scouts preparing Earth for invasion, who seem to be easily defeated but actually have us right where they want us.  In both, all humanity’s efforts to resist come to naught and we are doomed to conquest or extinction.  This is hefty stuff, contrasting human arrogance with how insignificant we really are in the face of this vast, empty, hostile universe.  The ambition was certainly present.  The money and talent were not.

The Cape Canaveral Monsters is terrible. I don’t recommend it to anybody. It’s the kind of bad movie that you go into hoping it’ll be fun and then end up getting fed off and turning it off ten minutes in… and yet, I’m curious now.  As well as this, Robot Monster, and previous EtNW Dance Hall Racket, Phil Tucker wrote and directed a couple of other films in the 50’s and 60’s.  These have titles like Tijuana After Midnight and Broadway Jungle that sound like they’re probably softcore titty movies, but the masochist in me kind of wants to watch them.  When your career includes Robot Monster and The Cape Canaveral Monsters, can I really take it for granted that’s as bad as you could get?

[phoenixrisingwoman]

1-102. You should have known I was gonna do this.

This friendship was a mistake.

1) what’s a song you depict with your childhood? any HSM song brings me back to my childhood & also oldies that my parents used to play in the house like stand by me by Ben E. King, unchained melody by the Righteous Brother,….

2) did you have a memorable childhood pet? I think every one of my pets is memorable. one that specificly comes to mind would have to be our Tervuren. We took him in because his owner didn’t take care of him and was planning on ditching him in the middle of the woods. the poor thing got treated like some kind of monster when he only asked for the bare minimum, to get treated with respect and basic kindness. I still remember how easily he trusted us. We were a family of 5 so to have 5 strangers around you all of a sudden and not get defensive and lash out especially after getting treated so badly by humans is one thing but to completely immediately trust us wow. He was such a gentle and sweet dog and it hurts my heart when I think about how he died. He had cancer. Fucking dogs man i know i say this about all dogs but he really was an angel. What a pure soul.

3) have you ever been drunk? yes

4) have you ever tried drugs? i’ve only eaten space cake and that’s it. but i don’t really have any desire to ever try hard drugs.

5) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said? 99% of the time I regret what I say because I am dumb and say some real embarrassing shit

6) have you ever made someone cry? I hope not, unless they were happy tears!

7) has someone ever made you cry? most likely yeah i’m just very sensitive and take a lot of things to heart.

8) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. i've never been in love9) which came first the chicken or the egg? The real question is where does a circle begin and where does it end?

10, 11) already answered

12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love? read the answer to question 8

13) are you a good cook? i mean i’m not the worst but there’s always room for (a lot of) improvement.

14) already answered

15) what is the last movie you cried during? i can’t remember but hatchiko is a movie that can always make me cry.

16) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

It’s such a long list so i’m going to narrow it down to a few: Skillet - Would It matter, DNA - Lia Maria Johnson, you don’t know - Katelyn Tarver, Adam’s song - Blink 182 , 24 floors - The Maine, Sleepless nights - Faber Drive, Just a little bit of your heart - Ariana Grande & I can’t make you love me/ nick of time - Bon Iver. That’s some real sad shit.

17) do you have a middle name? Nope18) have you been out of your country? yes, I’ve been to Italy, England, Turkey, The Netherlands and Germany & this summer i’m going to Spain.19) are you a chocolate fan or not? I am a huge slut for chocolate always20) how many people have you kissed? only one because I have no game21) already answered22) what is your dream car? don’t have a specific one in mind but a range rover looks nice. as long as my car is big enough to take all my dogs with me to the beach, i’m satisfied.23) what is your lucky/favorite number? don’t have one24) what is your favorite flower? i like water lilies a lot25) books or movies, why? Both. Depends. you can get lost in books and imagine the characters/scenery more and the words just stick with me more when i read them? But movies are also nice if a certain character gets played by a good actor and really brings it all to life.26) have you ever been on a blind date? I’d rather not get murdered on my first date. so to answer this question no.27) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you? yeah in my teenager years 28) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends? don’t really see the point in hurting a friend? If a friend betrays my trust i’ll cut them out of my life immediately and never speak a word to them again nor will i waste any more energy on them or be willing to listen to whatever bullshit excuse they want to try. I’m very loyal and loving but if someone takes advantage of that and betrays my trust then I have no problem with cutting them out of my life and continuining as if we were strangers all along. i can take a lot but i don’t fuck with fake people.29) what thing do you symbolize love with? many things really but that’s because i think love comes in many forms. friendship, hobbies, pets, lovers, family,…i think love is all around us really. a tiger playing with her cub, puppies play fighting a lil too rough with an older dog but the older dog allowing them because they still need to learn their boundaries, strangers pulling funny faces at babies or playing along with a game a kid made up, someone giving up their seat and so on. I think all of these acts symbolize love. Once you stop seeing love as this strictly romantic thing i think it’s easy to find it everywhere you look. no matter how small the gesture.30) do you have neat handwriting? It’s not too bad i think. 31) do you have a friend with benefits? nope32) do you want a friend with benefits? I don’t really think i’m cut out for that type of thing. I mean whenever someone holds the door for me i think about it for like days after so I really am not sure if I could trust myself with seeing it as only a friendship with benefits and nothing more.33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be? a siren, a wolf, a forest nymph, harry styles’ next gf haha34) have you ever been blackout drunk? yeah35) have you ever met someone famous? no :(36) how many concerts have you been to? uhh i think 13-ish37) which concerts have you been to? first ones were Justin Bieber (don’t judge), 1d, 5sos, ed sheeran, the script, dua lipa, harry styles, lord huron38) do you have a hidden talent? i can go trough 10 different emotions in the span time of an hour39) what do you do when you’re stressed? shut down, cry, get angry or all of the above.40) do you think money can buy love? money can buy things you love and that make you happy so i guess in that sense you can buy ‘happiness’ & ‘love’, but if we’re talking about real, true, genuine feelings then no that kinda love can’t be bought41) how old would you date? the oldest like 24 but for a sugar daddy i am always willing to make an exception42) have you ever done something illegal?  jaywalking is illegal but most of us have done it at some point so like nothing too illegal43) what is your biggest fear? for my loved ones? that they wil never get all the goodness in life that they truly deserve and that life will treat them like shit and inflict pain upon them that i’ll never be able to undo. for myself? i’m scared i’ll never truly feel like I belong and will never truly feel happy and that once I’m close to dying i’ll be faced with the fact I’ve wasted all my time.44) what is an unusual fear you have? having a doppelganger that’s a real piece of shit and people thinking it's me that has done all that nasty shit to them and me eventually being sentenced for it while the real demon is still out there...yea idk 

45) can you drive? no haha i really need to get my license46) do you believe in supernatural creatures? yes but i’m not sure to what extend but I do believe there are certain things living on this earth unbeknownst to us. 47) do you believe in karma? i think what goes around comes around. or so i truly hope.48) what is one quality you need in your partner? above all my partner needs to be kind. no matter what.49) do looks matter? i’m not going to be a hypocrite and say no because there does need to be a certain level of attraction but it’s not like looks are the most important thing about someone.50) does size matter? which size are we talking about here. but no idc if you truly love someone, you take them as they are. not a single cell in your body would even think about changing anything about them because they already are perfect just the way the are.51) who is the last person you forgave? myself for being so dumb52) what is your favorite ice cream flavor? strawberry and chocolate53) already answered 54) ever been on a plane? obviously55) ever been on a boat? yes56) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? yea a highschool friend that i haven’t heard in years.57) are there any friendships you regret? yes, this one58) are there any friendships you wish you could make? yes @harrystyles if you ever wanna hang out hit me up. i am free almost always so we can hang out whenever you are free too. thanks my dude.59) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours? no60) have you ever walked outside after 12 am? yes61) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through? no but one day I will!62) are you scared of rollercoasters? yeah and i wish i wasn’t. but i always imagine some final destination type of shit when i’m on it so i tend to avoid rollercoasters and such. I’m a paranoid bitch.63) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually? 664) do you have any plans this weekend? yes 65) do you miss anyone right now? not really66) who do you wish you were talking to right now? the ghost of Christopher McCandless. I’d like to hear his stories and thoughts. he seemed like a very interesting individual.67) already anwered68) who is your favorite superhero? catwoman? idk i don’t really have a fave superhero69) are you dirty minded? me? an angel? of course not.70) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at the 80’s? this question should be illegal. how am i supposed to choose one? there are so many bops.71) how many kids, if any, do you want? at the moment i don’t want kids but if that ever changes 2 would be enough.72) who is your biggest OTP? don’t have one73) what is your favorite food? lasagna & pizza. other than that cake/chocolate/anything cookie or candy related. I have a sweet tooth okay 74) do you want to be married one day? idk I don’t really feel the need to get married but if someone is willing to marry my annoying ass then I’m grabbing that chance with both hands.

75) dogs or cats? both but unfortunately i’ve only owned dogs till now so i’m hoping that will change soon!                                                                   76) already answered77) have you ever seen a shooting star? nope78) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you? No, unless the aliens are there too. then sign me the fuck up79) how many best friends do you have? 380) when was the last time you cried? 2 weeks ago81) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself? mind ur own bussiness82) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed? yeah83) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go? countryside of Ireland, Sweden or Northern Wilderness84) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself? gentle, dreamer, stupid 85) do you consider yourself a loyal person? yes, very loyal until you give me a reason not to. but even then i won’t badmouth you i’ll just erase your whole existence from my memory.86) what is your favorite season and why? summer bc i need that vitamin D to beat the sad bitch in me. but also autumn because SWEATER WEATHER87) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it? no, i don't easily say i love you to someone 88) do you know how to play any instruments? no :(89) already answered90) what are you allergic to? pineapple. i might have other allergies i’m unaware off.91) already answered92) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be? I’d wanna be Daenerys Targaryen because I want to have dragon friends who will fly me anywhere I wanna go. also talk about an entrance when you arrive with your fucking dragon somewhere.93) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why? harry styles, niall horan, BØRNS or Maggie rogers because they seem like fun people to be around that will just brighten your day by being in their company.94) are you outgoing? nope, unless you catch me in those rare energetic moods or if i’m drunk then I do shit even I don’t want to know about.95) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to? no96) are you a good flirt? probably not because i always say some weird shit and kill the mood haha97) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down? nope98) already answered99) are you superstitious? not really100) are you a good listener? i like to think so101) are you a good kisser? who knows102) would you kiss any of your friends? depends how much money is involved

[bonesfromyonder]

All the numbers? :D

Oh god I'll answer a few ahah

1. Are looks important in a relationship?

nope, i mean i’m a solid 2 at best, so i shouldn’t be judging

2. Are relationships ever worth it?

for sure. to feel so close to someone is a beautiful thing.

3. Are you a virgin?

call me mary

4. Are you in a relationship?

with the fridge

5. Are you in love?

in love with a lot of things, but people? no quite yet, takes a lot for me to LOVE a person

6. Are you single this year?

i’m single every year

7. Can you commit to one person?

question is, can one person commit to me?

8. Describe your crush

--

9. Describe your perfect mate

shares similar morals, and can share a debate but also have patience and teach me new things. aesthetics wise i have a preference for brown hair and as much as o absolutely LOVE brown eyes, I always seem to fall for people with blue eyes, even though i find them less aesthetically appealing idk why.

10. Do you believe in love at first sight?

yes and no. i believe you can be drawn to someone but the best relationships are built.

11. Do you ever want to get married?

depends on if i meet the right person

12. Do you forgive betrayal?

depends on what, why, who, but i am pretty forgiving, but will call people out on their bullshit

13. Do you get jealous easily?

yes and no, i get low key jealous easily but o can kinda switch it off? i just go from the jealous midset of 'i want that' to 'im happy for them' i'm really working on not being jealous but im a bit of a hothead at times

14. Do you have a crush on anyone?

--

15. Do you have any piercings?

my ears closed up but i kind wanna get snake bites.

16. Do you have any tattoos?

nope bit i want loads, i want full on sleeves

17. Do you like kissing in public?

--

20. Do you shower every day?

i shower every other day to give my hair a rest but tend to take a bath on the alternating days.

21. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

--

22. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

no

23. Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months and not cheat?

yeah, if you can't then you shouldn't be in a relationship sorryyyy

24. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

probably not

25. Do you want to be in a relationship this year?

--

26. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

--

27. Has someone ever written a song or poem for you?

nope

28. Have you ever been cheated on?

--

29. Have you ever cheated on someone?

fuck no

30. Have you ever considered plastic surgery? If so, what would you change about your body?

everything

31. Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?

way too many times

32. Have you ever experienced unrequited love?

it's the only love i have experienced

33. Have you ever had sex with a man?

--

34. Have you ever had sex with a woman?

--

35. Have you ever kissed someone older than you?

yep 😅

36. Have you ever liked one of your best friends?

low key yeah

37. Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?

--

38. Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?

yep, the last crush i had is soo not my type 😬

39. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

fuck yeah, thats just my type 😌

40. Have you ever written a song or poem for someone?

possibly 👀

41. Have you had sex so far this year?

cock blocked by a virus im tellin ya 😩

42. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander?

--

43. How long was your longest relationship?

Not very ahah

44. How many boyfriends/girlfriends have you had?

2, from early school years ahah

45. How many people did you kiss in 2012/2013?

--

46. How many times did you have sex last year?

--

47. How old are you?

18 years, 19 in August 😬

48. If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?

i'd be happy for them. if you love someone, their happiness comes first, unless they led me on then i'd maybe be a little upset.

49. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, what is your favorite thing about him/her?

--

50. If your first true love knocked on your door with apology and presents, would you accept?

--

51. Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?

i'd do anything for a lot of people tbh.

52. Is there anyone you’ve given up on? Why?

my last crush 😅 too indirect and confusing. would call me darling and hold me on nights out but then would never actually go anywhere other than a night out on the town.

53. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

--

54. Is there someone you will never forget?

Shani ❤️

55. Share a relationship story.

--

56. State 8 facts about your body

its fat, it's ugly, its scarred, its disproportionate, but apprently i have a really flexible back, i can't think of anything else ahah

57. Things you want to say to an ex

--

58. What are five ways to win your heart?

being funny, spontaneous, creative. being gentle with animals. being passionate. i will sit and listen to anyone talk about there passions ❤️

59. What do you look like? (Post a picture!)

--

60. What is the biggest age difference between you and any of your partners?

--

61. What is the first thing you notice in someone?

their body language, i am a psychologist at heart ahah

62. What is the sexiest thing someone could ever do for/to you?

be spontaneous. fuck valentine's day, why do you need a day to show someone you love them, if i see someone that reminds me of the person i love I'll get them that, and give it to them, not waiting for valentine's or a birthday or Christmas, this i why i am shit at birthday and xmas presents cos i give people gifts all year around 😅

63. What is your definition of “having sex”?

having sex?

64. What is your definition of cheating?

cheating?

65. What is your favourite foreplay routine?

--

66. What is your favourite roleplay?

--

67. What is your idea of the perfect date?

paintball or lazy tag bb

68. What is your sexual orientation?

--

69. What turns you off?

money talk

70. What turns you on?

touch, humour, idk basic stuff ahah

71. What was your kinkiest wet dream?

--

72. What words do you like to hear during sex?

Bush did 9/11

73. What’s something sweet you’d like someone to do for you?

hug me from behind

74. What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?

--

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

when Shani passed my artist friends gathered artists to do memorial art of her ❤️

76. What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone?

idk aha

77. What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?

if you're both of consenting age, fucking go for it

78. What’s your dirtiest secret?

--

79. When was the last time you felt jealous? Why?

--

80. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

--

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Tom Hiddleston, Hozier, Chris Evans, Scarlet Johansson, Ben Howard

82. Who is the last person you hugged?

--

83. Who was your first kiss with?

My best guy friend 😂

84. Why did your last relationship fail?

--

85. Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?

why not.

[gingervsblondie]

Blondie Brings Up Baby (1939)

8:38 PM, Thursday, 26 September 2019

Nineteen. Ni- Ni- Nineteen.

Ni- Ni- Nineteen.

Nineteen thirty-nine.

How does our favourite zany

Nuclear familial vignette

Get themselves into another casse-tête?

Dagwood’s filled with sandwiches while Flournoy’s filled with regret

And Alexander’s traumatized

You ready for more yet?

Blondie Brings Up Baby. Let’s get into it.

By the way, we’ve got a new head screenwriter, Gladys Lehman. Our old friend Dick Flournoy’s still on the Wikipedia page as “story by, (uncredited)” though.

8:40

I don’t know if I’ve only just noticed this or if this movie just gave the first indication of it, but Dagwood is really bad at his job.

8:42

8:43

UHHH. There’s a woman in the Bumsteads’ house. There hasn’t been a woman in the Bumsteads’ house before. I have no idea who she is and the movie moved swiftly on without explaining who she is.

8:46

UHHHHHHHH. They cut from a scene of Dagwood and Blondie at a police station telling a receptionist that Alexander is missing, after he didn’t show up to school, to a scene where Dagwood is in a shed, and COMPLETELY INEXPLICABLY, a bunch of police with tommy guns have him surrounded and start firing on him and throwing tear gas bombs.

I have no fucking clue what is going on in this movie.

8:51

UHHHHHHHHHHHHH. All of that was the build up to the intro. The intro is playing now.

The movie hasn’t even started yet.

WHAT.

WHAT IS HAPPENING.

They haven’t had anything before the intro on any of the other movies.

8:52

OKAY. SO.

The last few movies I’ve watched on YouTube. They’re in the public domain anyway as far as I can tell. But I couldn’t find a version of Blondie Brings Up Baby with good enough quality, so I switched to Amazon Prime.

Turns out, I’ve just discovered, all the Blondie movies on Amazon Prime have 3-5 minutes of scenes with ABSOLUTELY NO CONTEXT pinned onto the beginning before the intro. So I just watched 4 minutes and 40 seconds of Blondie Brings Up Baby SPOILERS.

And I’m furious about it.

9:05

There’s a “huh?” that Dagwood does in these whenever he does a double-take, and it’s gotta be my least favourite recurring bit. They use it like a rimshot or a catchphrase to punctuate jokes, and 100% of the time it just extends something that wasn’t funny.

9:11

See okay: He just did one, but silently. There was no “huh?”, just Dagwood looking confused. And it was a little bit funny! That’s all it took. No “huh?”.

9:16

K, this time Blondie’s the one being a bad parent. A guy showed up at the door offering a free IQ test for Alexander. Is that a thing that happened in the 30s? No idea, but it’s what’s happening in the movie so let’s just go with it. Alvin, Alexander’s friend/enemy/neighbour who he occasionally brains with a fucking brick, has been over and has been calling Alexander (and also Dagwood) a dumbbell all day. So to get revenge on Alvin, Blondie is getting all competitive about the IQ test, telling Alexander that he has to beat Alvin.

It’s giving me flashbacks to a music teacher I had in high school. We were going to a concert band competition in another province, and she told us she wouldn’t accept us bringing home anything other than gold. In the middle of the performance, we lost time with each other (because we’d never played in an auditorium and weren’t used to the acoustics) and had to start the song over. We got bronze. On the bus ride home, she didn’t talk to us. I don’t think she even looked at us.

The next year, I took drama instead of music.

9:27

Ok. So. The dude with the IQ test watched Alexander build a house out of toy blocks. Based on that, he told Blondie that Alexander is a genius, and that his IQ is 168.

(What follows is me disassembling the logic of this, which I’ll shortly learn was a pointless endeavour.)

First of all, no way can he determine an IQ that specific based on a house Alexander built out of toy blocks. Secondly, I’m pretty sure you shouldn’t be telling a child they’re a genius, since they’d end up developing less motivation, thinking that their accomplishments are a result of natural gifts rather than hard work. And third, UNLESS they turn around and reveal that the IQ test, which I’ll note happened off-screen, was somehow wrong and Alexander isn’t actually a genius, then I am going to spend the remaining movies in this series frustrated at their continued insistence on calling him “Baby Dumpling.” Which, you know, I already am anyway. Although maybe demeaning him like that will balance out them telling him he’s a genius.

9:34

Oh ok. The test wasn’t wrong. The IQ dude is just a con artist selling encyclopedias.

Should’ve seen that coming.

9:38

Dagwood thought IQ meant temperature, and came rushing home thinking Alexander was terribly sick. It cut to him ripping up the encyclopedias Blondie just bought, saying “This guy’s crazy, coming around here with books at a time like this.”

What an insufferable doofus.

9:41

I’m not a fan of Blondie entirely falling for this con artist’s BS. I feel like she hasn’t been that gullible before. She’s gotten mad at Dagwood based on comical misunderstandings, but that’s been understandable based on the context she didn’t have. But we as an audience are given just as much context as Blondie is to know that this dude is swindling her. It just makes her seem stupid.

9:48

Teacher: “Well, how do you do young man? So you want to start to school?”

Blondie: “NO MA'AM!”

Mood.

9:51

Man, elementary school is a bonkers institution. Just send your small child to a building they cannot leave full of strangers who have absolute authority over them, and are sometimes totally insane people, where they’ll be taught things they not only cannot use but definitely will not remember because they’re tiny tiny children. And sometimes the insane adult strangers will yell at your child. For not behaving. And they’re not behaving because they’re in a place they don’t want to be and cannot leave where strangers have the authority to yell at them for mistakes they’re making FOR THE FIRST TIME IN THEIR LIVES BECAUSE THEY’RE SMALL SMALL CHILDREN.

10:11

Huh. I think they just broke the canon? I’ve been calling Baby Dumpling Alexander because the Wikipedia for the first movie listed him as Alexander "Baby Dumpling" Bumstead, but in Blondie Brings Up Baby, they just had this exchange:

Alexander: “[They beat me up] ’cause my name’s Baby Dumpling.”

Dagwood: “Well, your real name’s Dagwood, after me. Maybe we’ll call you that now that you’re going to school?”

Alexander: “Noooo. Guess I’ll stay Baby Dumpling.”

I dunno if his real name’s Alexander in the comic strip and they just forgot while they were writing this? They haven’t called him Alexander in the other movies, I was just basing that entirely off the Wikipedia article. I can’t believe they’d make 28 movies without a clear story bible.

(Future Euan looked it up. In the comic strip, Baby Dumpling grew up into a teenager, and became Alexander.)

I’m still gonna call him Alexander by the way.

10:17

As these movies have gone on, I’ve been increasingly concerned about the wellbeing of the dog. Like, the real dog, behind the scenes. I really hope they weren’t abusing her to get her to do all the stuff she does. But I can’t say I’d be surprised if they were. She kinda gives the vibe of “dog doing impressive tricks because they’ll punish her if she doesn’t.” Maybe I’m wrong though. Maybe they had, like, a super good treat to give her every time she did a trick.

10:23

10:24

God I wish I were watching Peanuts.

10:25

Or reading Peanuts.

10:26

You ever notice how in old movies when they cross-fade between two shots, there’ll be an abrupt change in the brightness of the footage right before it fades, and then again after it stops fading? One day I’ll learn why that was.

(Here’s the answer, courtesy of future Euan: https://www.quora.com/How-did-movies-do-a-cross-fade-with-real-film)

10:36

Only moment I’ve liked so far: Daisy’s gone missing (because a dogcatcher caught her and brought her to the pound). The mailman, a young guy on a bike who’s had a recurring bit through every movie where he whistles and Daisy comes running to take the paper from him, just whistled, and instead of Daisy, Alexander came to take the mail and tells him Daisy’s missing. And he says “As soon as I’m finished delivering, I’ll look for her. I’ll look on my bike.”

That’s kinda sweet. No sweet moments between Dagwood and Blondie yet this time, but one sweet moment between a mailman who’s barely talked before and a dog.

10:42

There’s a lot of punching in these movies. Like, just Dagwood suddenly becoming infuriated and decking someone in the face.

What a violent doofus.

10:47

Dagwood got arrested for assaulting the dude who got him fired and didn’t have enough to pay it off so he got put in jail. His boss, Mr. Dithers, came to pay it off for him, while the dude’s in court.

Dithers: “How much is it your honour?”

Judge: “Ten dollars.”

Dithers: “Is that all that cost?”

Judge: “Mm.”

(Dithers punches the dude out)

Dithers: (offering money) “Here’s another one, your honour.”

I don’t want to hear another word about video games inciting violence in young people. Goddamn the rest of culture is responsible for glorifying violence.

10:53

Alexander: “You’re a girl. I don’t like girls.”

Girl: “Why?”

Alexander: “Oh… Don’t know. I learned it in school.”

Ho-ly shit. Movie spitting straight truth.

10:59

Might as well drop this here:

I’ve decided that once I’ve watched all the movies, I’m gonna write my own Blondie, A 60 page screenplay with all the hallmarks and the structure of the other ones. I mean, if I’m gonna be dragging them through the dirt, it’s only fair that I see if I could do any better.

11:02

I Want a Dog For Christmas, Charlie Brown. That’d be a good one to be watching right about now.

11:07

No, I tell you what:

There are Blondie movies for every year between 1939 and 1950, EXCEPT for 1944. So that’s when I’ll write my script. Once I’ve watched the first 14, every Blondie movie between 1939 and 1943, I’ll write the Blondie movie to have come out in 1944.

11:10

I now have the context for why the police surrounded the shed that Dagwood was in. It still doesn’t make sense though. He was trespassing on a rich guy’s yard, a gardener knocked him out with a shovel and dragged him into the shed, and then presumably called for all of the police to come pick him up, and bring enough weapons to keep a city-wide riot at bay.

11:13

So the police thought Dagwood was somehow responsible for Alexander and the rich dude’s daughter going missing?

Well I’m riveted.

11:16

Or Why, Charlie Brown, Why?

11:19

“You see, playing with other children is the solution. Oh, if only this city had some place where this sort of thing could be carried out. Where the weak children could get courage from the strong, and the strong could learn compassion.”

So not school then.

“Why, I could do something like that. A sort of home for children! I’ll build it myself. It’ll be light and airy, with plenty of windows and playgrounds.”

THE ORPHANAGE

11:25

This movie ends with Dagwood getting insulted again by Alvin. He finds a tear gas bomb that he put in his pocket earlier when the police were attacking him, and says “Here’s a nice ball for you to play with.”

Dagwood just tried to tear gas a child.

What a dangerous doofus.

And once again, no Dagwood Sandwich Watch 2019. However, I’ll give the movie a rating all the same.

Turns out Willie Best isn’t in the movie. Wikipedia was wrong. I’m guessing somebody copied and pasted the cast from the first movie, so that they could put in the regular cast, and forgot to take him out. And the movie wasn’t, as I assumed from the title, about Dagwood being a stay-at-home father. Which, I’ve only just realized, is still me thinking Blondie means Dagwood because he’s so much more prominent in the franchise, and I somehow still haven’t managed to internalize that his name is Dagwood. It’s like I’ve learned nothing since I started this. ANYWAY point is the movie wasn’t racist or sexist. It was just boring. Terribly terribly boring.

My rating is: One Dagwood Sandwich with some ham on the outside and nothing on the inside. Blame Amazon.

[stresser]

i’m bored so i did this

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk? cereal then milk. 2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day? i’m indifferent to the feeling. 3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books? toilet paper or tissues lmao, and sometimes i dog-ear the pages. 4: how do you take your coffee/tea? coffee with french vanilla creamer, tea with sugar. 5: are you self-conscious of your smile? eh. 6: do you keep plants? i have fake plants. 7: do you name your plants? no. 8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings? hmm, writing. 9: do you like singing/humming to yourself? yep. 10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach? side. 11: what's an inner joke you have with your friends? friends? 12: what's your favorite planet? eris, which is a dwarf planet. 13: what's something that made you smile today? playing the sims 3 pets. 14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like? hardwood or concrete floors, eggshell-white walls decorated with minimalist-abstract art, open-concept living space, plants everywhere, white cabinets with wooden countertops in the kitchen, wooden beams on the ceiling, tall windows that look out onto the city. 15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is! Neutron stars can spin at a rate of 600 rotations per second 16: what's your favorite pasta dish? fettuccine alfredo. 17: what color do you really want to dye your hair? right now it’s medium brown. i used to have it pink, and i’d like to switch back if it weren’t so much money and upkeep. 18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up. umm... 19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it? i don’t keep a journal. 20: what's your favorite eye color? brown or hazel. 21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that's been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces. like a purse? i bought a michael kors purse (beige, over-the-shoulder, $150) almost three years ago that i still have and carry everywhere. it’s my only purse. 22: are you a morning person? ahha... no. 23: what's your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations? sleep, play video games, bake, and write. 24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets? yes. 25: what's the weirdest place you've ever broken into? my own home. 26: what are the shoes you've had for forever and wear with every single outfit? my mom’s old flipflops (used to be white, cheap, squeaky, always slip off my feet while i walk), which have somehow become mine. they’re super easy to put on when i’m in a hurry to go somewhere that doesn’t require a lot of walking. 27: what's your favorite bubblegum flavor? isn’t bubblegum a flavor? my favorite gum flavor is spearmint. 28: sunrise or sunset? sunset. 29: what's something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing? it’s really cute how my friends don’t exist. 30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared? yes 31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks. i always lose and mismatch socks, so i typically only wear cheap white ones from wal mart. i steal my boyfriend’s socks a lot because i keep losing my own. i don’t know where they go. i also don’t have the money to just buy socks all the time, so if i bought some really cute patterned ones, i could see myself getting upset if i lost them (especially if they were expensive, like Nike, which like... how can people just have and afford Nike socks??) anyway, i can’t sleep with socks on. if i end up falling asleep without taking them off, they somehow come off in my sleep. 32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends. it seems you’re under the impression that i have an extraordinarily active social life. 33: what's your fave pastry? baguettes 34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it? i had a teddy bear named beary that my dog tore up when i was nine. 35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often? i’m obsessed with stationary. i don’t use them i just like to look at them and organize them. 36: which band's sound would fit your mood right now? whichever one sounds like an eternal groan. 37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean? i like a clean room, but sometimes i’m too lazy to clean it. 38: tell us about your pet peeves! people who are unnecessarily loud (especially in the mornings), slow walkers, people who get to skip the entire line because their friends are at the front, people who talk shit about somebody but the next day are practically arm-and-arm with the person they’d just talked shit about, people who listen to their music on speakers rather than on earbuds/headphones (see above: “unnecessarily loud”), when you’re trying to spend time with someone and they’re looking at their phone the entire time, people who dislike something just because it’s “mainstream” and they want to be an asshole, children screaming and acting like demons in public. 39: what color do you wear the most? gray or black. 40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what's it's story? does it have any meaning to you? i barely have any jewelry and what little jewelry i do have is from h&m and costs like six bucks. 41: what's the last book you remember really, really loving? i don’t read a lot but i remember reading jellicoe road for summer reading in tenth grade, and i was really surprised because it was actually quite good. 42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it! the best coffee shop i’ve ever been to is intellegiencia in downtown chicago. 43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with? my boyfriend, probably? i don’t remember. 44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything? umm??? 45: do you trust your instincts a lot? yes. 46: tell us the worst pun you can think of. not a pun: i used to like puns but people are overusing them to an extreme so now i can’t fucking stand them lol. 47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe? sprouts. they’re like the pubes of nature. 48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today? the dark, and although i’m still perpetually afraid of the dark, i have a bigger fear of heights. 49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought? no, not really. the last cd i bought was probably when i was nine. 50: what's an odd thing you collect? stress. 51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them? can’t think of anything. 52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far? “sometimes things that are expensive..... are worse.” 53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them? i’ve watched heathers and beetlejuice in their entirety. i like them both but i have to be in a certain type of mood for them because they’re also a little weird. i’ve only seen the first part of pulp fiction because for some reason i keep falling asleep in that movie, lol. 54: who's the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face? uhh?? 55: what's the most dramatic thing you've ever done to prove a point? i can’t think of anything right now but i don’t doubt that i’ve done something dramatic to prove a point. 56: what are some things you find endearing in people? i like when people are comfortable to be themselves and talk about themselves. i like being around people who don’t judge others. 57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics? i’m sorry but i’m not listening to that song rn lol. 58: who's the wine mom and who's the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why? i’m both 59: what's your favorite myth? the only one i can think of is from greek mythology where this man was transformed into a woman and then back into a man and then zeus and hera asked him/her which gender enjoyed sex more and the man/woman/man said the woman enjoyed it more so hera cursed him. lmfao it’s so obvious that a man wrote this myth, isn’t it? 60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves? poetry is meh. 61: what's the stupidest gift you've ever given? the stupidest one you've ever received? i just gave my boyfriend a chess set except the chess pieces are shot glasses for his twenty-first birthday. the stupidest gift i’ve ever received... uhh, idk. 62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind? no. 63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be? leave them be. 64: what color is the sky where you are right now? dark. it’s... holy shit it’s 5am. 65: is there anyone you haven't seen in a long time who you'd love to hang out with? my grandma. 66: what would your ideal flower crown look like? nonexistent. 67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel? depends where i am. inside: i’m okay. outside, walking to class: gloomy, irritable, and tired. 68: what's winter like where you live? like summer. 69: what are your favorite board games? life, probably, because it doesn’t take too long. 70: have you ever used a ouija board? no. 71: what's your favorite kind of tea? sweet. 72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you'll forget it? for the most part, yeah. 73: what are some of your worst habits? biting my nails, eating too many carbs, not texting people back and isolating myself. 74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns. how ‘bout this: no. 75: tell us about your pets! i have a palomino bunny who is a little over one year old and his name is bean. he’s very sociable but he sheds so much. i bought him from a rescue center three hours away last year. i also have a gray and white kitten who is three or four months old and her name is matilda. she’s very floppy and hyper. my mom found her in her backyard in the middle of the night and i decided to just keep her. 76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren't? sleeping! 77: pink or yellow lemonade? pink. 78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub? hateclub! 79: what's one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you? i once pointed to this really expensive perfume in sephora and said it was my favorite scent but i’ve never owned it before. my boyfriend went back and bought it and gifted it to me for our anniversary. 80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why? beige, and no, i didn’t choose them; my landlord did, i guess. 81: describe one of your friend's eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of. my boyfriend’s eyes: they’re like two hot cups of tea, swimming with honey and sugar, set beneath the window of a bright yet chilly morning. 82: are/were you good in school? i used to be good in high school but i’m hopeless in college. 83: what's some of your favorite album art? ??? 84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones? i used to think that i wanted tattoos but then i realized how much it cost to get one. 85: do you read comics? what are your faves? no 86: do you like concept albums? which ones? no? i think? 87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives? star wars (episodes iv-vi), titanic, the princess bride, batman: the dark knight. 88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy? not really. 89: are you close to your parents? not really. 90: talk about your one of you favorite cities. i haven’t been to very many places but i loved fort myers, florida. there seemed to be so much to do around that area, and it was warm even in december. 91: where do you plan on traveling this year? playa del carmen, mexico. 92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch? drowns pasta in cheese. 93: what's the hairstyle you wear the most? “oops i forgot to brush my hair this morning after i got out of the shower and it’s still wet” 94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday? my bf 95: what are your plans for this weekend? go grocery shopping 96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot? procrastinate 97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house? istp, gemini, slytherin 98: when's the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it? about three months ago my family and i tried to hike up a mountain in june, but the trail was over three miles long so many of us quit halfway and headed back to the cars. 99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them. n/a 100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why? the past, because i want to enjoy being a kid again

[iheartsurveys]

152

1. Do your parents ever encourage you to hang out with people that you don’t like? In middle school this family moved into a house like diagonally across from ours and my mom encouraged me to hang out with the daughter and she turned out to be a hot mess so kind of 2. Would you think it was odd if someone got fabric paint to decorate their underwear? You do you? 3. Do you ever stalk old friends? Yessss I randomly look up people from ny or early on in va on Facebook, it's so entertaining 4. What year was your worst school picture taken? I think 7th 5. What made it the worst? I didn't discover hair straighteners until 8th grade so my hair was a poofy mess. And I had braces. And didn't get my eyebrows done then either. And I think I was wearing a Hollister shirt? I forget but I know it was cringy as hell 6. Do you think you could count all the freckles on your body? Yeah I don't have a ton 7. Do you ever crave a good cuddling? Sure 8. Which of your friends has the coolest siblings? Britts brothers are pretty funny 9. Are you ever greedy? Sure, aren't we all sometimes? 10. How much would you pay someone if you never had to go to school again? I graduated from college last year sooooo yeah. And I actually kind of want to go back and maybe get a masters one day 11. Would you like to be home schooled? It's a little late for that 12. Would you like to go to an all girls [or if you’re a boy then all boys] school? N/a 13. Why or why not? .... 14. Is your school’s band any good? Omg chill with the school questions...but actually my college pep band was pretty decent 15. Do you have a favorite lyric from any song? I don't have a stand out favorite lyric 16. Who is the biggest attention whore that you know? This girl that went to my college. She'd lie about stuff and be super dramatic for attention 17. Is your life no longer enjoyable? It's still enjoyable 18. Did you get to see your friends as often as you would have liked to? I see them maybe once a week, typically on weekends now that we've graduated and don't live suuuuper close anymore 19. Does orange sherbet sound good right now? No 20. Would black hair look good or bad on you? My hair is so dark naturally that people think it's black, and even though I'm pale af they seem to like it, as do I 21. Are you on anyone’s hero box on myspace? MySpace isn't a thing anymore 22. Who has the biggest eyes that you know of? Hmm not sure 23. Do your wrists ever hurt from typing too much? Probably 24. What can you imagine as being the worst thing that could happen to you right now? Death? 25. How many times did you go swimming this summer? I have yet to go swimming this summer 26. Have you ever been to a hard rock cafe? Yes, once, but I forget where 27. When was the last time someone called your cell-phone and you didn’t know them? Sometime last week 28. Do you hate it when people overuse the phrase ‘lol?’ I type lol while doing surveys like all the time so I'm not one to judge 29. Do you ever have those weird little dreams where you’re like half awake? Don't think so 30. Do you ever push your pillow off the bed? No 31. What’s more important to you living it up or getting good grades? Both. Especially in college you need both really because one without the other sucks. Like getting good grades is important but if you never have fun that's kinda sad. And having fun is nice but if you're grades suck then like what's the point of being in college. Work/life balance is important y'all 32. What do you think of little children? Annoying as hell or cute? Eh it depends on the kid lol 33. Is there any song that makes you think of your dad? Anything by U2 34. Do you ever look for comfort in surveys? Maybe? I do them when I'm bored 35. Do you like frogs? They're fine. I had two little water frogs when I was 6 or 7. There's always a bunch out around my house in the summer which is fine as long as they don't jump at me 36. Have you had any really bad experiences while plucking your eyebrows? Nah. I had a friend in middle school though who over plucked the front of them 37. Who of your friends acts the most like a prep? Probably Helen 38. Is the whole prep thing overrated anyway? Labels in general are overrated people don't fit into just one category 39. What’s up with Fergie’s song Big Girls Don’t Cry? lol I don't know? It's a song 40. Is it hard to stay friends with someone when one of your close friends hates them? Nah I have friends that some of my other friends dislike, you just hang out with them separately 41. Have you ever read The Outsiders? Yesssss I love it 42. What did you think of it? ...I love it lol. I want to reread it and watch the movie again, such a classic 43. What does your backpack/messenger bag/whatever you use for school look like? It was a tote with flowers and stuff on it 44. Where did you last go shopping at? I think target 45. Would it be weird if a person’s real name was Cheeto? Yes, unless it's a celebs child, then I wouldn't be surprised given what celebrities name their kids these days 46. Is there anyone you want to give a hug to? I'm good for now 47. What is the difference between giving and receiving a hug? I guess who initiates it 48. What are you listening to right now? Nothing in particular... I can hear my parents watching OITNB, some frogs outside, and a kid dribbling a basketball. And my dogs are running around and randomly barking 49. Do any of your friends have the same name as any of your family members? No actually 50. Have you seen Talladega Nights? I don't think I have 51. If so what was your favorite scene in it? N/a 52. How often do you paint your nails? Whenever I feel like it really 53. Have you ever taken a picture of you kissing someone? No 54. If you are one of those people who’s always single do you ever long for someone to sit around and take pictures of while kissing? Omg. Idk if I would take a picture while kissing someone ever, that's not really my thing 55. Can I buy you a ‘drank?’ If you've got money in the bank 56. If you know what song I’m referring to, why do you think T-Pain says drank and not drink? Because it rhymes with bank and it flows better 57. How come boys never take surveys? I've seen guys take surveys soooo 58. What is the last thing you did on powerpoint? Probably looked at notes when I was in school 59. Do your grandparents know what myspace is? None are living 60. When’s the last time you sprinted? No clue

[sgt-peppersmanager]

Do 1-102 😎😎😎 also you're a super cool human being just thought I'd let you know

OMG! Thank you anon!!💙💙💙

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood?• Come on Eileen by Dexy Midnight Runners. My aunt played a lot of 80s music for me when I was a kid, and she would sit down and show me music videos from when she was teenager.
2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet? • Yes! Two beagles. Donkey (the name kills me) and Loki. They were brothers.
3.) have you ever been drunk?• Yes, many times. My tolerance is top notch now tho 
4.) have you ever tried drugs?• No actually. 
5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?• Yes almost everyday.
6.) have you ever made someone cry?• I don’t know if I have actually. 
7.) has someone ever made you cry?• Oh my goodness yes.
8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it. • Yes, sadly. Well we were on a sofa in my basement, I was cuddled up in his arms, and we had a Beatles album playing on my record player. The song was And I Love Her, and I honestly can’t remember exactly what he said (funny how things change because I said I would never forget) but it was something along the lines of “haha man this song is how I feel.” Which I kinda ignored cause I figured he didn’t mean that but he said he loved me, I looked at him and said “do you mean that?” And he said “if what I feel for you when I’m with you isn’t love, then I don’t know what is.” And it was that moment where I kinda hit me that I loved that boy all along. Now I hate his guts, again funny how things change. 
9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?• Ted Allen. 
10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?• Yes! People should be allowed to marry and love who they want regardless of your personal belief! Plus I’m bisexual. 😎
11.) how many siblings do you have?• One older sister and I hate her. 😊
12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love?• Yes? Maybe? Idk. 
13.) are you a good cook?•Yes I’ve been cooking since I was 6. 
14.) what is your favorite tv show?• Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I’m trying to find another show though. Always accepting recommendations 👀
15.) what is the last movie you cried during?• Dead Poet’s Society 
16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)• School Days by The Kinks, Captain Jack by Billy Joel, and High Enough by Damn Yankees cause I’m a fucking dork who heard it after I got my heart broke. 
17.) do you have a middle name?• Elizabeth. Don’t forget the Z, they always forget the z. 
18.) have you been out of your country?• Nope.
19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?• Yes I love dark chocolate and any vegan chocolate. 
20.) how many people have you kissed?• one. 
21.) what is your favorite album?• America’s Least Wanted by Ugly Kid Joe probably. 
22.) what is your dream car?• I always feel so judged when I say what cars I want around my friends, because I know a lot of car enthusiasts. All honesty though I want either an old Chevy camper van because shagwagon amiright, or a hearse like in the Warriors 😂
23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?• 25 or 8
24.) what is your favorite flower?• Roses!!!
25.) books or movies, why?• I love both but I’ll pick movies because I have trouble getting my mind to focus when I read, I’m trying to help myself with that though. 
26.) have you ever been on a blind date?• Nope. 
27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?• Yes. 
28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?• Ugh yes. Never again. 
29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?• Death. Eventually its gotta end one way or another. 
30.) do you have neat handwriting? • Nooooo but my cursive is pretty. Not many people know how to read it so I don’t get to use it much 😢
31.) do you have a friend with benefits?• Nope. 
32.) do you want a friend with benefits?• Eh. Depends on the person. 
33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?• Someone who actually makes a decent living lol 
34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?
• No actually. 35.) have you ever met someone famous?• Nope. 
36.) how many concerts have you been to?• 1, technically 2
37.) which concerts have you been to?• White Reaper. I’ve been to local punk stuff downtown if you want to count that. 
38.) do you have a hidden talent?• Not really. None that I know of. 
39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?• usually lay on my floor and wait for panic attacks to stop and listen to music. 
40.) do you think money can buy love?• well 🎶I don’t care too much for money cause money can’t buy me love 🎵
41.) how old would you date?Well right now the oldest I’ll date is 20 because I’m 17. But when I turn 18 probably date anyone within 10 years of my age, I guess it depends on who it is. 
42.) have you ever done something illegal?• No. i am a perfect innocent little child 😏(lol I’m so full of shit)
43.) what is your biggest fear?• big bodies of water and never escaping my family. 
44.) what is an unusual fear you have?• big bodies of water lol
45.) can you drive?• mhm! 
46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?• yes!
47.) do you believe in karma?• sometimes????
48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?• sense of humor. 
49.) do looks matter?• eh it’s hard to say because only do you know what you think is “ugly” and what’s “beautiful.” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. 
50.) does size matter?• 👀
51.) who is the last person you forgave?• Gabe
52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?• Superman, mint chocolate chip, or cookies and cream. But I haven’t found any good vegan substitutes for them 😢
53.) what languages can you speak besides english? • none. 
54.) ever been on a plane?• Yup! 
55.) ever been on a boat? • Yup!
56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t? • of course. 
57.) are there any friendships you regret?• YES. 
58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?• Yesssssssss 
59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?• Yup…
60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?• Yup!!!
61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?• Yes I have. I get sorta sick a lot (hard to explain) and some nights I only sleep 2 hours so I’ve seen a lot of sunrises. 
62.) are you scared of rollercoasters? • depends on the rollercoaster 
63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?• 9.5 
64.) do you have any plans this weekend?• Sitting in my room working on an art project and hopefully playing guitar and finishing up homework
65.) do you miss anyone right now?• Yes. 
66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?• Lots of people.
67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?• Invisibility or mind reading. 
68.) who is your favorite superhero?• Quicksilver, Spider-Man, or Deadpool. Comics are kewl. 
69.) are you dirty minded?• Lol yes. I’m an immature asshole. 
70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?• 80s - Pretty in Pink by Psychedelic Furs • 90s- Santeria by Sublime or Ironic by Alanis Morissette • 00s - Blue Orchid by The White Stripes 
• 10s - I mean the decade isn’t over yet but digging Judy French by White Reaper a lot. 😎71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?• AGHHHH uhhhh people are gonna freak when I say 3 or 5 but yup. I want a lot. I guess I just wanna have a big happy family for once. 
72.) who is your biggest OTP?• Anastasia and Dimitri
73.) what is your favorite food?• Guacamole 
74.) do you want to be married one day?• Yes. 
75.) dogs or cats?• Both. 
76.) do you drink enough water daily?• 100 oz every damn day baby
77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?• yes only once. 
78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?• I would but not alone. 
79.) how many best friends do you have?• idk really. 
80.) when was the last time you cried?
• few minutes ago lol 81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?•no actually. 
82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed?• yes. 
83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?• Europe. 
84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?• Total Fuck Up. 
85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?• yes. I usually don’t leave unless you’re a shitty person to me or someone else. 
86.) what is your favorite season and why?• Fall and Winter cause sweaters, hot food, warm drinks, cuddles 
87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?• Yes but not in a romantic sense. I say it to my family all the time. 
88.) do you know how to play any instruments?• yes! Guitar. 
89.) do you like falling asleep to music or not?• Depends on the night I’m having, but usually yes. 
90.) what are you allergic to?• Cats, I have seasonal allergies, and rabbits
91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?• Yes. 
92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?• Probably Charlie from Always Sunny because it just seems like an adventure. Lol
93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?• Nick Cave because we both have similar artistic visions and mind sets. 
94.) are you outgoing?• sometimes! 
95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?• Ugh yes. 
96.) are you a good flirt?• I’ve been told I am by many, but I don’t think so. 
97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?• Yes to both. 
98.) which planet is your favorite?
• Neptune or Saturn. 99.) are you superstitious?• Yes. 
100.) are you a good listener? • I like to think so! I don’t always have good advice but I try my best to be there and help. 
101.) are you a good kisser• I’ve been told I “make it difficult to walk after"👀 I honestly don’t know if that’s good or not. So yes???? I guess???? I can’t really kiss myself. 
102.) would you kiss any of your friends?• Sure. Almost kissed a few actually, and I always tell them when I almost do and why I almost did because I feel the need to lol.

[neoraven]

What’s Joe Watching - Summer 2017 Misc

Here’s some other random stuff I’ve been watching and DVRing over the summer.

The Price is Right (CBS) Classic great TV game show. It's pretty much just a blatant commercial and the prizes are not even that great or generous. But I like to play along, and most of the games are incredibly fun. Plus the showcase showdown and fan enthusiasm is a ton of fun. I basically keep a rolling 5 episodes or so on the DVR to watch sometimes. Heavy fast forward button helps get through fast to the actual games and skip some of the banter and stuff. No offense to Mr. Drew Carey.

WWE RAW (USA) WWE Smackdown These are separate "brands", but I'm still comfortable lumping these two together. I'm not gonna turn my TV thing into a wrestling thing, BUT there is a staggering 5 hours of live wrestling on cable TV per week, every week, for years in perpetuity. USA is able to get pretty solid (if declining) ratings with a show that has no offseason, and no reruns or off weeks, give or take an awards event or dog show. I can't imagine watching this live with the ratio of talking/bullshit to wrestling. I heavily fast forward through any talking that doesn't include my faves. There's a lot of commercials during the actual matches too, but at least some of them do a nifty picture in picture deal that only deprives me of the (shitty) commentary. Anyways, I've been DVRing wrestling and watching anywhere from 10-60% of the shows depending on how much I skip through.

The Gong Show (ABC) 2017 and its rise of recreational drug use are a great match for the revival of this show. I haven't seen that many of the old episodes, but I can get an idea for them watching this one. Mike Myers (spoiler) is fun doing his thing as the host, and usually the panel is able to save us from the most terrible and bizarre acts. I have been lazily DVRing this and watching it sometime within the week. I hope it's renewed, but would be happy to see it never rise above bizarre summer TV curiosity.

Big 3 (FS1) The elevator pitch for this would be "Ice Cube's 3-person pro basketball league". It fills a pretty interesting niche in the gulf between college and pro ball. And the tweak to basketball - half court and three players instead of five - is just enough to be juuust different enough to disguise that it's such a step down in play quality from the NBA. Ice Cube's star power helped, along with some of the interesting segments going along with the games early on. The tape delay that could normally kill sports didn't really hurt this as much as it could have. The league also proved flexible to change things that didn't work and adapt to curveballs. After week one, they adjusted the scores for half/full time to make the game flow better and not drag as much. After star player/coach Allen Iverson completely no showed a week's taping, they responded quickly and decisively with a reasonable suspension. I didn't see every week of the season, but this was a fun first effort that I'm hoping continues next summer, hopefully with fully live games.

Family Feud (GSN) Steve Harvey has gone through the meme ringer for different reasons, some justified and some not, but what's undeniable is that he's a fine host of the Family Feud. Across three different syndication networks and GSN, he is everywhere hosting the game show that you would care to look. Earlier this month, we got a new/fresh DVR with a much higher capacity (can't you tell from all the mentions of it?), and one of the first season passes was for the Feud, so I could have a bunch of episodes to watch without commercials. The sheer massive volume of episodes airing per day quickly overwhelmed me, and I had to cut it to only keeping a few of them per day. BUT stupid story aside, the show is really fun, and has a great evergreen format. The answers are usually funny, and guessing and playing along is great. It's cool how the answers aren't something absolute, like facts or true false things. Going deeper than the clips that end up in Harvey's youtube compilations, he's really a good host and ringmaster for his colorful circus.

Hard Knocks: A Season With the Tampa Bay Bucs (HBO) This could fall under prestige TV, being an HBO documentary, but I'm kinda dropping it in here. This season has been pretty okay, with a little bit too much focus on Jameis Winston for my liking. The kicking competition through episode 2 seemed really sadistic. Also, it's a little unfair to judge too much of this when it's still dead center in the season. But I'm still including it, since it's something I've been watching that hasn't really fit in anywhere else to talk about sports stuff and sports media. Being HBO and having a bunch of money spent on it, this season has seen some really great shots and images. The post credits part with the players talking about and trying out the eclipse glasses stood out pretty cool to me.

Pool Kings (DIY) Scramble to find the DIY Network on your cable box if you want. I am not a perfect TV watching robot. I get sucked in to crappy reality TV marathons in moments of weakness. And my weak moments led me here to "Pool Kings". Part of the appeal was that even after I DVRed a marathon, I noticed all of the short-ish season was already on demand even with fast forward capabilities. Awesome! So, this is just a bunch of dudes building a big, elaborate pool that costs more than most houses. They all look really cool and take a lot of work. Also it helps a little that about 1/3 of the episodes take place really close to me, and I like thinking about these guys just building pools all over my area.

NFL Preseason Football (NFL) The NFL Network shows every single preseason game for every team, from week 1 to week 4. When they mention this, it's a promise and a threat. I DVRed way too many of them to watch on fast forward and to watch just until the starters screwed off. I don't have much to say about it, but it was fun to see all the different presentations for different home teams, since most of these games were not national. Also, as dorky as this might sound, I used these to practice my fast forwarding to get myself in regular season form.