#no it like makes it ungovernable
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took a shower last night and got my hair wet but didn't wash or style it and then slept on it down
#i always think sleeping on it down will be like. ok-ish and it's not#it's really not. I'm chained to the scrunchie for the rest of my life#like I know it won't be IDEAL but I say oh I'll just wear it up tomorrow or whatever#no it like makes it ungovernable
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now. i have work in a few hours and a veil to guard after that. farewell
#salem chatter#love those around you & yourself. make sure people know you love them.#eat good food and stay hydrated and listen to music you like.#and last but not least. be weird and ungovernable. thank u#words of wisdom from salem theelderpolls... . ..#<- said in a sarcastic tone because i am about as wise as a worm in a walnut#not a lick of wisdom to be found in this noggin of mine#just dragons and elves and dragon elves#do whatever you want forever just dont involve me in it rn cuz i have to age dragons
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i mean .listen. sometimes ur fantasy story is a big metaphor abt the world and society and the government and current events. and sometimes it's silly stuff abt 'hey what if the annoying customer at work did get eaten by a plant monster?'
bcos my god sometimes i gotta do something chill
#there's room for some meaning in there probably but mostly just like. i can't get caught up in humans legislatign magic.#it hasn't happened that's all i can have. or if it has happened it is not very effective#if i try to confine magic stuff that way it loses its meaning#does this mean that my urban fantasy world is going to be a little stranger and ungoverned?#is it perhaps going to be nightvalian in nature where these things just happen and no one is in charge of dealing with it?#yeah (altho obvs not quite night vale that's a different sorta universe)#i gotta write a thing i like u see. i gotta.#also frankly an attempt at addressing the legal personhood of ghosts is gonna wind up hamhanded and unrealistic from me prolly#there are ghosts and people deal with them i think. there may be insurance for ghosts but there's no laws abt them.#that's the world i gotta make that's the one i can work this story into
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MORNING AND HAPPY DRAGON AGE DAY TO THOSE OBSERVING 😌 im going to be annoying about solas today i think
#ik its technically tomorrow for a lot of u but whatever#i listened to mitski im ur man and thought abt him for the 70th time and its not even 9am so we're off to a good start <3#anyways im pretty much convinced we either wont get anything today OR we'll get a confirmation smth is happening at tga#and i do think... tho ive been hurt countless times before... that we'll finally get that fucking trailer....#bc it wouldnt even be FUNNY if we didnt right. like.#JKGFJKLFDJKGDF#🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️ TRAILER THAT ISNT CONCEPT ART OVER A VARRIC/SOLAS VOICEOVER 🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️🕯️#tbh the amount of letdowns over the years makes the very not-zero possibility of a trailer this week seem so... abstract to me#i cant even bring myself to Hope even tho objectively i think its time lol#but like. if im right and we dont get fucked over again which .... <3#HHHHH. IM GOING TO BECOME SO UNGOVERNABLE.#solas slutwalk nation rise UP
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catch jewel and grimmjow taking turns manspreading on aizen's throne and laying in it together after he's gone and then destroying it because fuck that guy and his shit taste in interior design.
#//they could make a sexier and more comfortable one out of stones/bones/fur pelts tyvm#grimmje.txt#lmao the shitposter in me imagines them taking selfies like 'lol living!' 'lmao demolition day besties!'#'out with the bae on DefaceTheThrone day <3'#hashtag become ungovernable middle finger emoji
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got discreetly told off for cursing at my research job thing! violently metabolizing my innate urge to cower in shame from it
#'become ungovernable'#'be unacceptable to parts of society'#like im not gonna do it AGAIN bc i understand its not professional and i overestimated how casual i could be#so there isnt a problem!#so my head needs to stop making it one!
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#on one hand I'm so fucking mad at Xi Ping for overriding Xi Yue's agency like this#screwing with his emotions magically and forcing him down a way of the heart he doesn't want#but on the other hand. I know why he's doing it!!#He's suffering and he is so so so so desperate to not drag Xi Yue down the path of the ungovernable way with him#to give him the best option in a sea of terrible ones#but that doesn't make it any less terrible#and Xi Yue will never understand why he's being cast aside#he's just as bad as Zhou Ying trying to force Xi Ping to use his bones to escape the impassible sea#he's determined to die miserable and alone with this wretched knowledge he's obtained#FUCK#AUGH#andie reads tai sui#tai sui spoilers#not described
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I don't think I have felt this light in months, if not more ;;
Fuck. Yes. Breathing again.
#thoughts#personal#it still means there's a lot of work and france is going to be basically ungovernable#and macron still hasn't said anything which makes me EXTREMELY nervous#but honestly this marks such an important and meaningful shift#that this was achieved IN SPITE of the absolute brutality of all the media owned by bolloré trying to demonize the french left#is wild in the best possible way#honestly at this point it was the best case scenario and I wouldn't have dared to hope this could happen#I was bracing myself for a nightmare#this might have been the very best news of 2024 so far#hope we keep the momentum going!!#ALSO this makes me quite hopeful for the way france will try to speak and act for palestine going forward#it won't be perfect of course but it will be harder to silence voices fighting against the genocide than before#small progress maybe but still significant progress#(though there will be traitors everywhere in like 5 seconds but one thing at a time)
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PERICULUM | KTH (M)
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊 Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Fem!reader
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊 Synopsis: the day of your wedding has finally arrived, the day when you will leave your heartbreaks and disappointments behind and begin a future with the man that you love. you are supposed to be happy but instead, you find yourself gripped with a bad case of cold feet and soon you will have to come face to face with your past and the unwelcome guest that arrives with it.
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊Genre: non-idol!au, smut, maybe a plot?
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊 Warnings: swearing here and there, pining?, sexual tension, yandere, fingering, oral sex (F! receiving) , dirty talk, creampie (of course), teasing, unprotected sex, little bondage, hardcore, foreplay, dom/sub dynamics, kissing, Taehyung needs therapy like yesterday, cheating?
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊 Authors note: I'm back but I'm not better, this might not be my best work and I apologize for my absence greatly. of course, I am a creature of habit so this might have some spelling errors, please allow me some grace whilst I get back in my groove.
𓏲 ๋࣭ ࣪ ˖🕊 Word count: 8k ( give or take )
The sun cascades through white curtains, casting a golden hue inside the room you now sit in - its rays glowing on every visible surface. It is complemented by the squeals and excited voices of the bridesmaids that roam around frantically, Their light sage dresses flowing against the Italian breeze that empties through the agape windows, the supple gust that caresses your cheeks bringing forth the scent of white roses that decorate the wedding reception outside.
Today there will be a wedding, your wedding to be exact.
After numerous heartbreaks and misfortunes, you would be walking down the aisle in Castello Brown into the arms of the person who guaranteed you safety, making the inconceivable idea of marriage a reality.
You and Joseon had met in the strangest of times, in which the both of you were in your most raw state. Vulnerable and searching for warmth in every place plausible, and just like that, almost as if the universe had synched with time you found comfort in each other. Like cold water on a hot summer day, a soft pillow for the both of you to lay your heads on.
The promise of a future blurs the lines of the inevitable truth, you are settling.
But you love him….you do.
Or at least, do you think you do?
If you were, to tell the truth to anyone including yourself, you’d open your mouth and confess the uncertainty that currently grips you. It remains nuzzled inside your belly, making itself part of your organism until it reaches your bloodstream, latching onto your heart, spreading through each beat it dares take. Growing heavier and ungovernable the closer you get to saying your vows.
It debilitates you in the most unpleasant form, bringing forth memories of a man who you once knew, who you once loved. It's hard for you not to feel like an imposter, as if you are taking the place of someone else, someone more deserving or perhaps it’s because you can't stop daydreaming of another version of this day, a recurring dream of your wedding where someone else stands there waiting for you instead of Joseon.
The memory of his face inhabits your mind menacingly. His touch, his voice, and his scent leave a virulent residue inside of you.
Yet, you avoid the whispers that roam your mind. Opting to ignore the truth that lingers there, forcing yourself to believe that you’ve made the right decision. Undermining the effect it has on you because everyone must feel like this on their wedding day, right?
It's just cold feet, or maybe it's because you haven’t had a good meal. Your appetite is affected by the anticipation of your big day - the way your corset presses against your ribs, a factor your mind is inclined to believe.
Anything but the onerous honesty of what you are unfeignedly feeling.
Joseon will be your husband, he will be the man that you love and cherish for the rest of your life because you said yes, because he is where you feel most secure. Unlike the trembling hands of the man who your heart lingered for. Where you found yourself always scared to fall, doubting he could ever catch you. Your fiance is who the universe has sent for you and it is in your best interest to believe that, it is what you need to convince yourself of until there is no scope of contemplation left inside of you.
Joseon has to be your person.
“Alright, ladies I need the bridesmaids to please accompany me downstairs for a few pictures” Sasha, your wedding planner announces whilst she steps into the room, her all-black formal attire standing out amongst the pastels and soft colors that ornament the day.
The bridesmaids pour out of the room obediently, leaving behind echoes of laughter in the hall they disappear into. Sasha glances in your direction and provides you a warm smile, one that you reciprocate momentarily before your eyes shift back to the mirror in front of you. You can't allow her to look at you for a moment longer, scared that she might be able to notice the precariousness blooming within you.
“Everything is going smoothly Y/n” she reassures you, perceiving the nerves that rattle through your bones. You pretend like that eases you, like somehow that is enough to stop the trembling in your hands.
“And you look stunning” she adds and this time you turn to look at her again, another smile spreading across your cheeks, this one more genuine.
“Thank you” your words come out as a whisper, ending in a squeak and then a trail of giggles which she shares with you.
You clear your throat as it drains from all moisture caused by the question that makes its presence in your head and you almost feel guilty for even being curious but you ask anyway.
“How’s Joseon?” Sasha smiles, oblivious to your current feelings, she thinks the question is rather romantic but in reality all you want to know is if he’s feeling as ill at ease as you are.
If you aren’t the only one feeling out of place.
“He’s ready,” she laughs “He can't stop saying how much he wants to see you already.”
Your stomach twists with the information and an intrusive idea perks in your mind, perhaps if you do see him before the ceremony then all these questions racing inside your mind will disappear. Maybe they will evaporate into thin air the second you lay eyes on him - like they do in the movies.
Perhaps his familiar face will silence the hesitation that has built intrusively inside of you.
“Tell him I want to see him too” you state but it sounds more like a request, a desperate one.
“Don't worry, you will get to soon” Sasha affirms but fear settles in your gut. The kind of terror that is baseless, influenced by the anxiety that devours you swiftly and you reluctantly conclude that seeing Joseon is no match for the doubt that inhabits you.
It wouldn’t change a thing.
“Yeah” you sigh, nodding your head whilst attempting to dry off your clammy palms against the silk fabric of your robe.
“Well I���ll let you finish” she cheers “You have abouuuttt” she mumbles, looking down at the watch she wears on her wrist “About 45 minutes to get ready, and then we will be on standby for your entrance.”
You inhale sharply, the sound of an absent clock thundering inside of your mind. Is it too late to change your mind? And if you do, would you hurt Joseon? But you already know the answer as you watch your wedding planner exit the room, only exhaling when she is completely gone.
“Are you nervous?” Brie, your make-up artist whispers, as if she is asking something no one should hear and you jump at the sound of her voice, too lost in your thoughts to realize she is still there. Her gentle laughter pervades the space and for some reason it irritates you, taking her innocent joy as mockery.
Why was everyone so happy? So excited? When this was your big day, your moment. You’re the one supposed to be feeling elated, and ecstatic. But yet, no matter how hard you try, you are incapable of unearthing those feelings inside of you. You are left with no other option than to cling to the possibility that this must happen to everyone, that you aren’t the only one accompanied by this feeling on your wedding day.
Your eyes find Brie’s, her stare reflecting sympathy and selfless happiness and you realize the anger that builds up inside of you is misplaced.
Though you don't offer her the truth and perhaps it is because you honestly don't know what you are feeling, all you know is that you are blinking more than usual and your heart slams against your chest, hoping that if it manages to collide with your sternum hard enough it will rip open for it to escape.
So, you shake your head and negate the profound emotions that you should urgently expose but that you yearn to hide.
“I'm ready” you breathe “more than I’ll ever be.”
“That’s good” she hums while she blends in the blush on your cheeks, her tone is doubtful and you can feel yourself begin to panic. Does she not believe you? Has she noticed your uneasiness, but of course how could she not - you’re usually a chatterbox, sparking the most random conversations, laughing at the most absurd things but now it's as if you can’t open your mouth unless it's to say how fine you are.
“It’s okay to be nervous” Brie speaks again, turning to grab another one of her brushes. Your moistened eyes come up to look at her once again, dread dropping like a splash of ink inside you “This is a big step, not everyone is brave enough to do it.”
For an instant you are drawn to confide in her, to tell her what’s happening. If someone else helps you carry the burden then it can’t possibly weigh so harshly on your shoulders, right?
“Brie” you begin to speak, a warning preparing to follow after.
‘Don't tell anyone this but I don't think I'm ready’
“It will all be over when you walk down the aisle and then you'll laugh about it for years to come '' she says and your mouth clamps shut, swallowing your words.
“Yeah” you agree, a small smile appearing on your face to appease her.
And you pray that she’s right, that once you see the faces of all your loved ones, of Joseon then all these conflicting feelings will subside.
There's a soft knock on the door, the subtle sound reverberating inside of the silence that has begun to form inside the room but you ignore it, reluctant to have to face yet another person whom you’ll need to hide from in hopes that they don’t notice how you fall apart.
“I’ll go get it” Brie lays down her brush and walks towards the door. Your eyes drift back to the mirror in front of you and your next breath hitches in your throat. You don't recognize the reflection in front of you and within a period you begin to dissociate.
She’s a bride.
An imitation of all those women in the wedding magazines you’ve read for months now, the pink tint on her lips and blushed cheeks providing her an innocent appearance - the waves in her hair that are pinned to the back of her head waiting for her veil to be placed a detail you can't miss. You raise your hand to brush against your cheek, stroking the skin there softly as you succumb to the realization that something is missing.
Because the only thing you can’t replicate from those brides in the magazines is the happiness behind their eyes.
“Oh my god!” Brie’s high-pitched voice reaches your ears and you turn to look in her direction. You can tell she is holding something in her arms, a package maybe and you furrow your eyebrows at her sudden excitement.
“What is it?” you ask, sliding forward in your chair.
Brie turns and you get a glimpse of what has just been delivered, her face leaning down to inhale the aroma. The bouquet she holds is a cluster of soft pink and white, the colors seamlessly blending in a beautiful arrangement.
It prompts every single muscle in your to tense, your eyes widening in terror at the gift you’ve just been given.
“Look! Someone sent these for you” She smiles widely, your hands clamp tightly onto the armrest of your chair whilst your heart plummets to your feet.
“I wonder who these are from” Brie exclaims, her teasing tone causing your skin to grow pale as she reaches you. Your eyes remain on the flowers in her hands, too shell-shocked to react in the way she expects you to. The flowers are a symbol of something you have desperately tried to forget, a past that has no place in your memory today but that has been brought forth by the cruelty of the person who has sent them.
Peonies.
There only exists one other person on this earth who knows how much you love them, who knows your fixation with its petals and colors. The sight of them is like a bucket of cold water being poured over you, it awakens every sense of insecurity inside of you and leaves you bare.
“oh there's a card!” she chirps, pulling the small envelope embedded between the petals for you to see.
You attempt to feign indifference but the way you snatch the card from her hand and stumble away from her sight exposes all your colors. Your hands tremble against the small white envelope, pulling and tearing until your fingers are raw, your chest heaving from the distress taking over you.
You blink away the tears that glaze your pupils, raising the small card into the light where you find his handwriting and your corset tightens around your waist. Your lips quiver while you read the words there, a message that is short and simple - only taking him a few seconds to write and a lifetime for you to recover from.
‘Best of wishes to you and the man that you don’t love’
The world dissolves around you and you anchor onto his words, your mind growing painfully quiet and the tantrum that your heart throws begins to subside. Your armor cracks as he unveils you in a manner only he can. Snatching away the lies you’ve been telling yourself to stay sane, no longer being able to hide behind the denial you’ve sown yourself to.
The nostalgic evocation of him blinds you and a blood-curdling scream erupts within you, manifesting itself as a loud gasp that you choke on.
“What does it say?” Brie asks, taking small steps in your direction, concern in her expression. Your eyes shift to her quickly, your hands subconsciously pressing the card to your chest in another poor attempt to conceal the truth.
“Uh” you breathe, digging for an answer, for an excuse.
“Oh, it’s just an old friend” you whimper.
But Taehyung isn’t just a friend - not in the slightest or at least he wasn’t. No, Taehyung was not just a person, not someone you could easily forget or disregard. He was everything all at once. The definition of the right person at the wrong time, the reason why you’ve sought shelter in someone else’s arms. Too complicated to explain, too painful to recall.
“Oh that’s sweet” Brie utters hesitantly, her eyes following along while you frantically pace around the room, nourished by the rush of adrenaline that pumps through your veins.
“Is everything okay, Y/n?”
You snap your attention to her and you halt your movements, the card still pressed tightly against your chest. “Of course, I just need-” you inhale and your mind goes blank. What do you need? What would alleviate the torment you currently feel?
“I just need a moment” You shut your eyes, trying to learn how to breathe again “Alone” you emphasize.
“Oh of course” Brie responds, her worried eyes expressing words she doesn’t speak whilst nodding her head.
“I’m just a bit overwhelmed that’s all” you gulp nervously.
“No I get it” she reassures you and with one last worried glance, she makes her way towards the door.
It is only when the door slams shut that you notice the heat that has blended itself in the air, sweat beginning to form on your freshly applied make-up. It leads you to rush to the open windows, your shaky hands reaching for the curtains which you pull onto desperately - praying for the scarce breeze of September to seep inside and offer you relief.
You stare back down at the card that you cage inside of your hands and your eyes flutter shut as a loud sigh leaves your lips. You wish you could say you didn't see this coming, that somehow this was some kind of big revelation but Taehyung was an animal of habit, the habit of making his presence known when you most wanted to forget him.
Your eyes move to the clock that sits on top of the nightstand and you shudder - you only have 20 minutes left until the ceremony begins and here you are losing your mind over someone who belonged to your past. You remove your robe, exposing your white lace lingerie, the intricately patterned fabric pressing against your skin, a gift you have prepared for your soon-to-be husband.
You’re determined to push forward, to walk down the aisle that promises you happiness because it’s what you deserve. No longer would you allow Taehyung to play with your mind, not in the way you had previously - you convince yourself that he no longer knows you at all.
The wedding dress that lays on top of the bed draws your attention and you stand still for a moment, inspecting the all-white gown that should be but isn’t on you. You sigh and reach for it, feeling the soft charmeuse fabric under your fingers. You try to convince yourself that once you put it on all will be well and these perturbing feelings along with that note will be left in the past, like a sick memory.
Amongst the rest of the other things that you’ve shared with Taehyung.
As you rush to put on the dress, you hear the soft hum of your phone ringing and you turn to reach for it, you know you are running late - it's probably Brie reminding you of the time. You look at the screen at the unsaved number and sigh as you answer the call.
“I know” Your hand rubs over your temple whilst your eyes fall shut, an ache forming there.
“I just need a bit of help putting on the dress.”
“I can help with that”
The voice is low and rasped, carrying a certain familiarity that you fear recognizing. It flows through your ear like a song, your brain recalling each time that you’ve heard it before, the many times your heart fluttered over it.
“W-ho” you choke, your eyes opening quickly “Who is this?”
“You forgot my voice so soon, my love?”
You stand up quickly, dread forming in your gut as an inevitable realization comes to your head.
“How did you get my number?”
“Ah you didn’t forget” he chuckles lowly, a certain taunt in his tone “I knew you wouldn’t”.
“Taehyung” you whisper which is paired with a heavy sigh “Why are you calling me?”
“Did you get my note?” he ignores your line of questions, delivering you one of his own.
You stare at the crumpled card thrown on the bed next to your dress and you turn away.
“What note?” you retort.
“You are great at many things Y/n but at lying? You were never good at lying” he states, his tone bringing chills down your spine.
“What do you want?” you demand, a quiver accompanying the question.
“Just wanted to hear your voice one last time before you became a married woman” he hums, as if his statement means nothing.
“Taehyung” you warn.
“Oh come on Y/n” he chuckles once again “didn’t you miss my voice too?”
“No, I didn't” you snap.
“Not even a little bit?” he asks, a smirk spread through his face which you can picture even from the other line.
There is a knock on the door and you flinch at the abrupt sound. Your heart beats a mile per second and you fix your eyes on the clock once again.
You have 10 minutes left.
“It was nice catching up Taehyung but I have a wedding to attend,” you say before ending the call, throwing your phone across the room. You don't have time to sit and ponder what Taehyung wants, it's not about him today. You won't allow his selfishness to absorb you once again, in the end, that is all he wants. Your steps are rushed as you approach the door, hoping it’s Brie who has returned to help you with your dress.
You leave the door open before quickly turning, heading back to the bed where your wedding dress lays, the small Swarovski diamonds shining as the sunbeams on the fabric.
“Brie, can you please help me I have 10 minutes to get ready and I'm so sorry about before I had a lot on my mind but I'm ready” you ramble, picking up the dress from the bed and beginning to remove the buttons on the back.
The door shuts and you hear footsteps approaching you.
“Can you please hurry Brie, I don't want Joseon to think I left him at the alter or something” you giggle nervously but as you turn to glance at Brie, in her place is a man, he wears a black suit with his hair brushed back and the grip on the fabric on your dress loosens, the dress falling to the ground.
You scan the man’s face carefully, his small child-like smile luring your heart to thump faster. He’s taller than Joseon, his posture confident and relaxed, his intense and machiavellian stare the next thing you notice and of the small mole that sits on his right lower eyelid.
“Taehyung,” you say. Your wide eyes blinking as if it would make his presence go away as if he was but a figment of your imagination.
A small smirk appears on his face as his eyes travel your bare skin, a low hiss falling from his lips.
“W-what are you doing here?” you ask, eyes narrowing on him.
“Look at you” Taehyung breathes “a bride”.
“Taehyung don't fuck with me, what are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you” he explains plainly, taking a step forward which you respond by taking a step back.
His eyes linger on your face, his stare gripping and longing and if it wasn't for the way you avoided it, you could’ve picked up on the subtle sadness in them, of an emotion that he hides behind his cunning bravado.
“Well, you have” you demand “Now please go” Your tone clings to fear - fear of what will occur if he remains in your presence any longer. Your resolution, the one that you had spent years building inside melts away like butter. You take in his presence and you don't dare say this out loud but for a second you pray that he stays for more than just a few minutes, that if by chance or perhaps luck he will say that he wants to stay, for more than just a few hours.
“Y/n” he mutters, the delicate tone in which he says your name a weakness you had never been able to overcome. In his mouth, he holds words he has prepared for this exact day - reasons and explanations he should’ve given you in the past but had never had the guts to.
“Don't marry him” he says instead.
Your eyes don't dare blink as you process what he has just uttered, your entire body stiff with the request. It feels like a slap on the face, an unforgivable offense but you can’t bring yourself to react except for the tears that swell in your eyes.
“Why?” your bottom lip trembles and every muscle in your body pleads for you to turn away, to shut out his voice - to pretend like you didn't hear the purpose of his visit.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Did you think I would let you go through with this? Your surprise shocks me” he chuckles, moving towards you while you move away - until your back is pressed against the wall and he stands but a few inches away.
“Taehyung, please just go” you speak confidently, you try to find other words that would persuade him away from you but your mind goes blank, you know deep in your soul that you don't believe any of the things you push yourself to say and so you swing a cheap punch in hopes that it will land.
“I love Joseon.”
Taehyung closes his eyes as Joseon’s name flows through your mouth, indignation building inside of him with the recognition that it's his name you should be whispering. He leans closer, causing you to sink deeper in the position you are in, fearing that if he dares touch you then your entire act will begin to deteriorate.
“Are you wearing the perfume I like?” he whispers “You are too cruel, Y/n” he opens his eyes and he scans every feature on your face, including your panicked eyes.
You don't open your mouth to speak a word, entranced by his dark auburn pupils, your mouth falls agape and your chest rises and falls at the same tune his does. It has always been so easy for you to fall back into Taehyung, regardless of how many times he came and went and though you grip onto the scraps of dignity you have left, you know today is no exception.
“Taehyung” you mumble, his name heavy on your tongue.
He leans in closer and his fingers lightly trail the exposed skin of your thigh, the tingling sensation causing you to flinch at the absent touch and contrary to what you want to believe, everything inside of you wants to lean into it.
“Look at you” he sighs “You look like a princess” he moves his lingering fingers closer to the lace of your white lingerie, his fingers tracing the intricate patterns there.
“Is this for him?” Taehyung hums, harshness pouring from his throat.
“Does he know?” he asks, his stare calling for yours “that when you fuck him you think of me?” he bites, coaxing a whimper to fall from your mouth.
“That when you stare into his face ever so lovingly that you imagine it's me and not him.”
“don’t” You shake your head, your hands reach forward to push him back but he doesn’t budge - a menacing expression on his face.
“Huh” he scoffs, a smile spreading across his cheeks “I guess he doesn’t.”
You remove your stare from him, your lips pressing together and you hate him, hate him for the way he is making you feel right now. You hate the way he has stepped back into your life as if nothing has changed like you have belonged to him this entire time - like he’s not an intruder.
“That's not true” you snap back “In fact, I don't think about you at all” your eyes filled with disdain traveling back to his.
Taehyung nods his head mockingly, feigning understanding but he doesn’t move from his position, his hand still brushing the skin of your upper thigh. He leans further in, burying his face into the nape of your neck, his nose brushing against the skin there - causing your breath to wedge itself ardently in your throat.
“When you lie your voice raises in pitch and your nose scrunches slightly and if it was anyone else they would probably miss it but I-” he pauses, his breath cascading over your skin, the sensation leaving shivers down your spine.
He raises his stare to your face once again, a small smile forming on his lips as he takes in your flushed cheeks.
“Don't you worry love the only person you have to lie to moving forward is my twin brother” Taehyung remarks, his slander pointer finger softly sliding down to your belly button.
“And yourself of course” he adds bitterly.
You had met Junseo first, he was reserved and quiet, often hiding away in his books. It was the reason why you realized only 3 months later that you both shared the same history class and that he sat next to you. In the beginning, it had been a mesh of small cordial smiles and polite hello’s and then eventually, you had both found yourself in thorough conversations where you dissected his knowledgable mind, meeting after class for coffee and ultimately sharing your first kiss in the university library.
It had been perfect, movie-like almost until one-day Junseo failed to attend class, and as a joke, his brother took his place. You hadn’t noticed it was Taehyung instead of your well-mannered boyfriend until your lips had met. The yearning on his lips as they collided with yours was unfamiliar yet exhilarating, it was as if 2 lovers had embraced each other after years of distance.
You couldn't accept it, not even when they both sat across from you whilst Junseo finally introduced him to you, all while Taehyung watched you intently, taking in the strain your nervous system went through as you tried to assimilate the information.
Wondering if you would tell his twin brother of the kiss you both had shared or of the other transgressions you partook in on your bedroom floor.
If you did, who could blame you? They were practically the same person but you didn’t then and you haven’t now.
“You will marry him and you’ll spend the rest of your life looking for me in him, in others in the hopes that they can replicate what only I can give you” his mouth parts, his tongue slipping out to lick along the skin of your neck causing your legs to clamp together and an unwarranted sigh to escape you.
“You’ll see my face reflected on every surface that you look onto seething for my presence but you’ll never find me” Taehyung glides his hand against your abdomen, softly and sleekly, becoming dangerously close to the part of you that aches for his attention.
“I can almost see it, Y/n an old and empty woman consoling herself with the idea that she did the right thing” he annunciates, his fingers slipping past your silk white thong and finding its place between your thighs, his fingers finding your clit as he trails kisses on your shoulder.
“Taehyung”
His name is meant to sound as a warning, as a sign for him to stop but it bellows out as a moan, liquid gold falling into his ears.
“What my love?” he hums, moving his face to meet yours - his mouth coming to capture yours which had remained agape.
His hand doesn’t stop, his fingers pressing onto your sensitive nub in circular motions whilst his tongue floods your mouth. His fingers move slowly against your warm drenched pearl, carving out each movement he knows you love, the ones he taught you made you climax in the blink of an eye and you become puddy under his touch, moaning against his mouth as he drives you closer to that euphoric senseless feeling you have craved for so long.
Taehyung pulls away from your lips, his tongue licking along your reddened plump lips, a hiss pouring out of his as he catches your blissful expression, the feeling of your juices covering his fingers enticing an animalistic desire inside of him.
“It feels good, doesn't it?” he groans, a question you can’t answer regardless if the answer sits on the tip of your tongue, you are breathless and completely wrecked.
The speed at which his fingers move increases, an evil smirk spreading across his face as his eyes darken with utter admiration. Taehyung has lusted for this moment for so long that now that he stands here, it feels surreal. In his mind he has replayed this scenario time after time, touching himself to the thought of watching you cum.
“Answer me” he pleads, his brows knitting in concentration - replicating the pleasure on your face. You nod quickly, your eyes fluttering shut whilst your body trembles. You try to remember what breathing feels like, try to find it within yourself to bring air into your lungs but your walls clench around his fingers and your mouth falls open - a trail of moans and whimpers cascading out of it.
“Do you want me to fuck you?” Taehyung hums, his tone innocent as if his words don't implicate anything like nothing matters and you wish that you could come back to your senses, it's wrong that he’s touching you like this and it's wrong that you are letting him. You wish that you could push him away and berate him but you want him everywhere, all at once and in this moment nothing matters, not even your morality.
Your body complies to his request with a loud whimper and within a second, his hand peels away from your throbbing cunt, his arms reaching behind your legs until they are wrapped around his waist. He moves towards the bed where he places your body on top of your wedding dress, the one you are supposed to be wearing at this moment whilst your expecting fiance waits for you at the altar.
You look up at him with lustful eyes, noting the veins that run through his hands as he removes his suit jacket, the dark blue fabric flying across the room.
“Fuck you look gorgeous” Taehyung mutters, biting onto his lower lip. His hand reaches for your cheek, caressing the skin softly - his thumb gliding against your lips until you part them, sucking it inside.
Your tongue twists around the digit causing him to moan out loudly.
“Im going to fuck you so good love” he promises.
He reaches to undo his belt buckle whilst bringing your body further up the bed until your head is almost at the headboard. He slides his belt off with a swift pull, his eyes beaming with ardor as he watches your willing body lay underneath his.
“Give me your hands” Taehyung instructs, a playful grin emerging on his face.
“I-i” you hesitate.
To do as told would be to be left under his devices, a victim to his rigorous plans and you know better, you ready yourself to decline because you shouldn’t be here in the first place and you know someone will be knocking on your door any minute now, concerned for your whereabouts but your body screams for his attention and so you oblige like Taehyung knows you will.
In a swift movement, your hands are tied to the headboard above you, the black leather of his Hermes belt pressed tightly against your wrist, you let out a small whimper and when you turn to face him once again, he’s standing at the end of the bed.
Taehyung eyes trace every inch of your skin as if it is the first time he has seen you in this light yet, it's not. He can give master classes on your naked body, and go on 3 hour rants of how to make you cum. He knows you, he knows it all.
You quiver slightly, begging for his attention and if it wasn’t for the heat that rises through your entire body, you’d probably feel pathetic.
“What's wrong love?” Taehyung coos.
“Taehyung” you whimper.
“Yes?”
He’s teasing you, luring you into saying what he’s been daydreaming of hearing for weeks now, ever since the invitation arrived in the mail. He couldn’t bring himself to accept it, it was always supposed to be him in Joseon’s place, he needed to be the one responsible for your happiness, not his charactless brother.
Him.
He wanted to hear you say that you chose him.
“Please” it’s a sigh, a breath you whisk out of your lungs as your body trembles in anticipation.
Taehyung unbuttons his shirt slowly, each button getting his utmost attention - his eyes never leaving your laying figure. He knows you are running out of time but Taehyung does not care to rush, in fact he will milk this moment for all it’s worth because if this is the last time that he gets to see you like this, whimpering his name then he will make sure neither of you forget it.
Besides, the way you lay tied to the bed, expecting his touch lures a heightened level of lust to spread inside of him, causing his heart to beat faster, for his hardened cock to press against his freshly ironed cashmere pants. He can't bring himself to think straight, not when you wait for him in your white-laced lingerie and the only thought that crosses his mind is of how good your warm walls will feel around his cock.
Taehyung drops the shirt from his shoulders, slowly crawling on top of you. His head lowers until his lips brush against your abdomen, leading your body to quiver at the feeling of his warm breaths cascading over your skin.
His slender hands grip your waist, carefully hooking his fingers around the waistband of your thong and with a swift movement they are gone, your lower body now exposed for his admiration.
The loud sound of your heart slamming against your chest is all that you can hear, the mere anticipation of what he will do leaving you breathless. You watch intently as he slowly parts your legs, his soft hands moving under your thighs - removing the weight from your body until your needy cunt is but inches away from his face.
Taehyung collects saliva on his tongue and he spits, covering your folds in his tepid saliva but he doesn't allow enough time for you to react as his tongue begins to slide against your cunt, licking as if your slit is a sweet delicacy.
You try to keep yourself from moaning out but the hiss that erupts from your mouth betrays you, accompanied by a trail of struggled breaths and soft moans.
He loses himself at the taste of you in his mouth, your juices spreading across his face and he can't deny the thrill the tremble of your legs causes him. He can't stop, savoring your wetness with each lick of his tongue.
The urge to run your fingers through his hair leaves you frustrated, your arms pulling on the restraints that halt your desired movements. You can feel it, the pressure in your lower abdomen. It drives your eyes to flutter shut and for your moans to become obstreperous.
His tongue focuses on your drooling hole whilst his nose rubs against your clit, the combination taking you to a complete state of euphoria. Your hands grip the leather of his belt harshly and your body begins to tremor, you are close - dangerously so.
Your hips buck against his face causing his grip on your ass to tighten as he tries to keep you in place but it's no use, your hips rotate against his tongue hungrily - your body seeking your sweet honeyed climax.
“Oh god,” you huff, struggling to catch your next breath.
“Yes.”
“yes right there, oh god.”
“Taehyung!” the scream that crawls out of your mouth sounds pained but it's far from it, it's a call for more, the need for his soft lips and warm mouth becoming ungovernable.
The blend of his saliva and your arousal flows past your thighs as you allow yourself to call out his name once more which only leads Taehyung to bury his face deeper into your willing cunt, his tongue moving in circles against your throbbing nub.
Your body stiffens with the next movement of his tongue, clamping your thighs against his head. A string of curses leave your lips as your climax overloads all your senses but Taehyung continues devouring your cunt, collecting your entire orgasm into his mouth.
“You taste amazing” he hums breathlessly, his tongue licking the residue of you from his lips.
You watch him through hooded eyes as he leaves open-mouth kisses on your inner thighs and then on your hips, his now disheveled strands of black hair lingering over his face.
You whimper out whilst his hands soothingly brush against the skin of your ass, bringing your lower body back onto the white duvet that covers the bed under you. His eyes meet yours, his utterly lust-darkened pupils contrasting with your worn-out gaze.
“Do you want more, love?” Taehyung asks “Think you can handle it?”
You nod despite knowing your body has not recovered from the high that has just rocked it, your breaths labored but your body presses for more. If your skin could speak it would divulge the way it has missed him, of the many nights it has spent seeking him.
A faint yes comes out of your lips and Taehyung kneels before you, bringing your legs around his waist. His hands slide against the skin of your inner thighs, easing the strain his tongue has left you.
He lowers his boxers, revealing his hardened tortured cock, which he alleviates with a few pumps from his hand. A soft groan falls from his lips as he looks down at you. From where he hovers in front of you, he takes in the beams of sweat forming on your skin, the way your chest rises and falls with every breath you take and the flush on your skin, the tincture a recalled memory of late nights in your dorm.
He lowers the tip, teasingly gliding it against your warm clit, and the throbbing there causes his whole body to quiver with the ache that has remained buried inside of him. Your body jolts in response and your breath hilts in your throat.
“You want me, love?” he chuckles lowly.
“Yes,” you exhale sharply.
A sly smirk forms on Taehyung’s lips and with a swift thrust he dips inside of you, vasting in the blissful sensation of your tight walls stretching out just for him. His hips move steadily, careful not to hurt you and before he can begin to move his entire length inside of you, you’re already a mess of whimpers and moans, the pulsations of his cock vibrating against your walls.
He’s bigger than you remember and when he finishes burying himself inside you can feel his cock brush against your lower abdomen, the pressure that forms there causing you to let out a loud moan. He waits patiently for you to adjust because all Taehyung has is time and the unreasonable need to turn you out.
“Look at you taking it all” Taehyung whispers, his eyes fixed on your bodies interlinked.
Your muscles ease and he begins his masterful strokes. Bringing his hips back and forth skillfully. His hand slid to your breast, guiding his thumb to draw out the movements of his hips on your nipples.
With each thrust your body quivers, your legs pressing around his waist. His other hand brings your hips up higher until your ass is on his lap, driving his cock to hit angles you didn't know existed.
“You may not miss me love, but your pussy says otherwise” Taehyung hums through groans “It takes me so well, like it was made for me.”
Your entire body shudders at his words, an overwhelming feeling of flusteredness coming over you. From his mouth, he spills a truth that you can’t deny, regardless of how much you’ve fought off the urge. He is the only one that you can allow yourself to lose with, the only man that can see all of you in this way.
Utterly vulnerable.
Your eyes study the pleasure in Taehyung’s expression as he plunges inside of you, it is pure satisfaction - his eyes closed and his eyebrows knitted in concentration as if he wants to engrave this in his memory. The sight alone causes your mound to quiver, for your core to drip around him.
“Fuck Y/n”
His hands keep you in place as he picks up the pace, pounding his cock into you quickly. The sound of your previous orgasm gliding on his thick member leaving a chorus of pleasure inside the bedroom, the sound bounces from the wall and erupts into every crevice in the room whilst you both moan in unison.
His movements are erratic and you can tell he’s close. Taehyung can feel himself losing restraint and all he wants is to fill you up with his cum, to witness your pretty cunt oozing with his nectar.
“Tae hah” you shriek, the faint burning sensation beginning to form on your lower belly once again, you can tell this climax will be more intense than the last, your legs beginning to tremble from where they remain wrapped around him.
“Just a little more, love” Taehyung exhales.
You let out a trail of curse words, coaxing him to bring his eyes to yours, the yearning in both your gazes amped by the snap of his hips.
The sounds of your intertwined moans are interrupted by a knock on the door and your body stiffens, your eyes widen in fear and you know you’ve run out of time - your guest waiting for your arrival.
“Y/n?” Brie’s voice is muffled by the door separating her and your naked bodies.
“Taehyung” You look back at him, panic in your tone but Taehyung does not appear to be startled by Brie’s abrupt return. It’s as if she’s not even there.
“Shhhh” he instructs, moving from his kneeling position and coming between your legs, his body lying on top of yours now.
“Don't worry” he whispers into your ear, his hand rising to brush away the strands of your hair that cling to your damp skin.
“Just focus on me” Taehyung moves himself inside once more. You look up to him, concern written all over your expression but the feeling of your incoming climax is all too overpowering. His tempo is cautious now, subsiding the alarm in your nerves, and you lose focus of the issue at hand.
It’s like it doesn’t matter but it should.
“I know you are close” he nods, leaving small kisses along your jawline “Let me make you cum one last time” Taehyung pleads.
This is wrong and you know it, a line has been crossed but your legs wrap themselves around him once again, the clear indication that you have no intentions of ending what has already been started. Taehyung’s lips find your neck as he continues - sliding his hands below your ass and bringing you closer, his kisses he leaves on your skin hot and passionate.
“I don't think she left” You can hear Brie’s worried voice once more but you try to drown her out, withholding a moan in your mouth in hopes that she doesn’t notice that you are still there.
“Answer her” he pants “before she calls someone to open the door.”
The thought hadn’t even crossed your mind but of course that would be her next course of action, given the state she had left you in when you asked for some alone time. You looked up at Taehyung, a curl forming against his lips as he stares down at you.
He’s enjoying this in ways you can't even understand.
You don’t think yourself capable of uttering a single word. The only thing coming from your mouth are bare moans and whimpers but you part your lips to speak, hoping Brie won’t catch the tremble in your voice.
“Brie” your voice quivers.
“Oh god Y/n! Are you okay?” Brie approaches the door, setting her ear against it in hopes that she can hear you better.
Taehyung takes this opportunity to move faster inside of you, the bed beginning to squeak against the force he implements with his hips. You look up at him quickly, a loud moan threatening to pour from you.
“Go on” Taehyung groans, his voice playful and excited.
“I-i am fine” you whimper, your wrists twisting against the restraint.
“Everyone is waiting for you” Brie pauses, looking up at the ceiling in desperation “Everyone is worried.”
“I” you begin but your climax has built too great for you to control, your entire body beginning to spasm as Taehyung withdraws his cock and slams back inside. Your eyes fall shut, unable to provide an answer to the concerned woman on the other side of the door.
“Y/n?”
“Fuck” you sigh loudly.
“Is everything okay? Do you need help with your dress?”
“Do you?” Taehyung laughs, his hand gripping your thigh as he too feels his climax nearing.
“Taehyung please” you beg, rolling your hips against his.
“What's wrong love?” he questions with a huff.
You know he needs to stop for you to concentrate but there isn’t any part of you in this moment that wants him to, not in the slightest. You open your mouth once again, trying to give Brie a coherent response but as it falls apart a loud moan escapes in its place, one that Taehyung capturs in his mouth as he places his lips over yours.
Your body begins to tense as your orgasm ripples inside of you, each loud moan being whisked away by Taehyung’s tongue and soon his muffled groans can be heard as his cock shoots strings of cum inside of you, the feeling of his warm milk causing goosebumps along your skin.
You both remain still, riding out the high that has blinded both your senses. Your chest chest’s rising and falling in unison, labored breaths fanning within each other faces. You can’t bring yourself to open your eyes. Afraid that if you do you will have to come back to reality or perhaps because you’d melt into Taehyung’s stare once more.
You feel the weight of his body ease and then with a swift pull, he unravels the belt that once had held your hands together, your wrists left sore from the harsh leather.
“Y/n” he calls for you, the sound of his soft tone bringing warmth to your body.
Your eyes open gently, your vision blurred until Taehyung’s auburn pupils come into focus and you cling to them, on the way their color fluctuate and blends into each other. Your weary gaze then trails to the almost undetectable mole that remains on his lower lash line, the one that you should’ve noticed the day you crossed paths. The small insignificant spot is the only thing that differentiates the two brothers.
Would it have mattered?
If you had known back then that it was Taehyung instead of Joseon, would you have pulled away from his kiss with distaste? The question that has tormented you for years rises above the surface, bringing forth a bitter feeling inside your chest.
Would it have changed anything?
“Run away with me” The words flow out of him effortlessly, with so much simplicity that you can’t even bring yourself to react to the proposition. Earnisty clads itself to his expression, his eyes holding within them pleads that he has been preparing to make for years.
“What?” you whisper.
“Come with me” he implores, his voice breaking as he extends his offer once again.
#bts taehyung#bts v#taehyung#taehyung smut#taehyung x reader#taehyung imagine#kim taehyung x reader#taehyung au#taehyung drabble#bts x reader#taehyung x you#bangtan smut#bts smut#bts au fic#taehyung fanfic#bangtan#taehyung scenarios#bts taehyung smut#taehyung bts#kim taehyung
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Idk what happened but I woke up last Monday wanting to draw a 10th kingdom au for no discernible reason and SUDDENLY LIKE 2 OTHER WWDITS FOLK HAD THE SAME IDEA?? Sometimes a hive mind is TOO strong
(ID in alt and under cut)
ID: Sketch dump in red of Nandor and Guillermo as Wolf and Virginia, respectively, from the 2000s NBC miniseries "The 10th Kingdom". 1. Guillermo dressed in his trenchcoat over a zip up hoodie over a dark collared shirt, laying on his back on a narrow box bed with his eyes closed. Nandor, wearing a long coat with a ruffled collar and sleeves over a loose linen top and with his hair half up and tucked behind his ears, is crouched beside him with both arms propped up on the edge of the box, smiling down at him with hooded eyes. Nandor says, "and then a really cool, handsome prince comes by and he says "wow, what a rascal!" Guillermo snorts, tamping down a smile as he tries to continue to look asleep. 2. Close up of Nandor taking Guillermo by the shoulders and bringing him close with a wide, besotted smile. He says, "Guillermo, you make me all hard and soft at the same time!" Guillermo is staring at him, wide-eyed and confused, blushing. 3. Knees-up of Guillermo and Nandor sitting side by side, Guillermo sans trenchcoat and Nandor with his hair down and a visible wolf's tail curled up between them. Guillermo is looking down at the tail with some interest, petting it with one hand. Nandor has both hands clasped in his lap and his shoulders up by his ears, looking away with a silly wobbly smile and flushed cheeks. 4a. Knees up of Nandor striking a princely pose, one hand pressing fingertips to his chest and the other extended upward, palm up, as he shouts with a grin, "Rapunzel, let down your lustrous locks!" 4b. Repeat, a thick wave of shiny dark hair flops down on him from above. 5. Hips up of Nandor from behind as he braces both hands on a wooden post, shoulders hunched. His nails have formed long claws that are gouging into the wood, and the full moon is visible beyond. He looks over his shoulder, hair loose and wild, eyes glowing as his face contorts into something feral and hungry. 6. Full body of Nandor, sans jacket, skipping happily along with his chin and blouse stained with blood, flowers dancing around his head and tail bobbing along behind him. 7. Chest up of Guillermo trapped in a medieval style chair, sans trenchcoat. Nandor is standing behind him, one arm draped along the back of the chair and the other propping him up as he leans, palm out placatingly as he asks with a grin, "Don't you trust me?" Guillermo looks over his shoulder and leans away as much as possible, nervous, baffled, and angry all at once. He spits back, "No!! You tried to eat my grandmother!" At this angle we can see Nandor has a hoop in his right ear. 8. Knees up of Nandor and Guillermo standing side by side, showing off some closer details of their outfits. Nandor is smiling with a fang poking out between his lips, hands twiddling together at his waistline as he peeks over at Guillermo from the corner of his eye. Guillermo glances back at him, wary and flushed, pulling his arm up towards his chest to avoid Nandor's tail, which is wagging hard and thumping against Guillermo's side. Text nearby points to Nandor and says "wolf", and points to Guillermo and says "virgin". 9. Nandor and Guillermo sitting side by side in the back of a wagon, reading self-help books. Nandor aims an excited glance at Guillermo, biting back a silly grin. His book is titled "How To Fall In Love Without Acting Like a Freak About It." Guillermo is hunched over, eyes on his book with a kind of weary and hopeless expression. His book is titled "Become UnGovernable without compromising your morals" /end ID
#wwdits#nandermo#mlm#the 10th kingdom#what we do in the 10th kingdom#wwdittk au#guillermo de la cruz#nandor the relentless#wolf nandor#what we do in the shadows#what we do in the shadows fx#my art#fanart#image described
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Deep Dive: Rise of the TMNT Donatello's Bad Boy Persona, His Cute, But Mean Type, and Why He is None of These Things
I made this presentation to delve into my take on Rise Donnie!
It was a power point, but I'm going to break it down here. I do want to preserve the first slide though because...
Did you know Black dahlia's aren't actually black? They're very dark red and in flower language they represent dishonesty!
Apropos, let's get into it...
Donnie is a Bad Liar
We see this throughout the show
“No? No… Of course I did… n't.”
"Uh, nothing. Just having a typical normal mystic free day."
"We are just typical, normal humans who got lost in the middle of our normal, everyday human lives. Nailed it."
"Oh man. Uh. This hurts me. Uh. I'm very sad?"
He has all the characteristics of a terrible liar. He sweats, his pitch warbles, his eyes dart, ect, everything you would expect.
Sarcasm! The Perfect Cover?
When Donnie does go for the use of sarcasm, he almost always points it out.
"I feel better already," he said without a hint of sarcasm."
"Oh, sure. Let me just load my tap-into-every-security-camera-in-New-York app. I'm sorry if that sounded like sarcasm, it wasn't. I am in."
Point Out the Obvious Much
However, when he doesn't point out the sarcasm, he also can't help but make mention of the oxymoron. We see this a lot, especially in Donnie vs. Witch Town.
"Oh yes very cool says Donnie as he quietly lets something go."
"Ooh, fireworks. Science never would have thought of something it was originally inventor of."
So basically, if Donnie tries to lie; he gives himself away. If Donnie tries to fudge the truth; he's compelled to make note of it.
I bring this all up to specifically tackle this sentence:
“So unfair. Although it is a boost for my emotionally unavailable bad boy image. “Y’ello.””
Why do I do so? Let me remind you of my first slide...
But how can that be? We just established that he's a bad liar. In the 'bad boy' line, he's not falling for any of his tells. He's body language gives no indication of lying. He doesn't make any note of sarcasm. No one after this line makes a face or corrects Donnie and he doesn't point out any discrepancies.
How could this be a lie?
Because Donnie himself doesn't know it's a lie.
Let Me Take You Back
Things I Did Unironically as a Teenager
Added Japanese honorifics to the end of my friends nicknames (-san, -chan, -kun)
Had my friends help me wrap myself up in caution tape for my birthday, but told people they made me
Wore a dog collar with a dog tag that had my name in Romanji on it
Had screen names like RubyBlueSango62 and blahweeblah626
But That’s Just Personal Experience!
Things Donnie has Unironically as a Teenager
"Ah, yes, so in this case a game of bask-eh-ball."
"Prepare to eateth thy words."
"Oh, hey guys. What’s the haps? Huh? Oh, oh this? I didn’t realize I had it on. This is my sweet new purple satin jacket- Got it from being a bit of a tech wiz. Purple Dragons. Members only. No big deal. Mm-hm. Well, you better grab some toast, fellas, 'cause you are all jelly!"
“It's Bootyyyshakker9000. Capital B and three Ys in booty.”
I believe it's a universal experience for teenagers to push boundaries. For so long, most parents decide everything for you. With hormones and growth, you want to experiment, but since autonomy is new, you try to break from the mold and do it uniquely. Anything that is outside your norm, especially things that swing wildly from what you once new seems especially exciting. From embellishing speech, to wearing specific clothing items, and even your first screen name, you don't know boundaries! It may be 'cringe' in the future, but when you first do it, it seems like the coolest thing ever! It's something that wholly represents you. This online space you. This you that is ungoverned! I'm an only child so I can't imagine, but I bet you especially want to do this when you have siblings. Where the shame in that?
I mean... Kat Haynes agrees with me on this...
Low Empathy
Now to get a little more serious. Alexithymia is a term that describes those who have difficulty feeling emotions. While not always associated with autism, it is more common in individuals with it. About 1 in 5 people who have autism also have alexithymia.
As already stated, it is clear the Donnie suffers from alexithymia. Most Donatello-centric conflicts in Rise have nothing to do with Donnie being emotionless and instead often deal with him lashing out due to his confusion or insecurities. We see this a lot especially in Witch Town where he is grappling with himself the entire episode. He's insecure about how he doesn't understand mysticism and he doesn't know how to process it or his place on the team. He's not emotionless, he's insecure when he doesn't understand something.
"Yes, feelings. Hot, cold, sleepy, hungry…"
"I don't normally feel things, but that one got through!"
Emotions on his Metaphorical Sleeve
Nothing about alexithymia says that you don't feel emotions. Instead, it's characterized by not understanding them. Donnie feels his emotions big and large just like Mikey does and especially if something is important to him, you'll see those reactions dialed up to eleven.
All Talk
While many think of the classic "semi-lethal" line and the "Speak for yourself" when Mikey says they aren't savages in regard to Donnie, he's not really the bad boy he plays himself up to be. When the theatrics are set aside, most of Donnie’s snap judgements are the altruistic kind or he thoughtfully plans out ways to not only take care of his family, but actively ensure their safety (to varying degrees of success, but that's not what we're saying here):
created devices which both counteracted his brother's flaws because they were getting them hurt
Used himself as a shield for Mikey on multiple occasions
Risks his own safety and bodily harm especially in Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man and Breaking Purple
Builds Escape pods for everyone
Enters a sensory nightmare for the sake of the world
Often asks, especially Raph, if he's okay and looks out for the oldest brother
Yet the Presentation Continues?
Why yes, because there is another line of Donnie's that I want to tackle that I believe falls exactly in line with the 'bad boy image' one...
"Oh, you’re so cute, but so mean. Why do I always go for your type?"
You know what I'm about to posit again...
Insecure
As touched on previously, Donnie is insecure. He's insecure about his emotions. He's insecure about his place on the team. He's insecure about anything he doesn't understand and his insecurities are exceedingly personal in nature because he ties them intrinsically to his personality.
"The real thing is much more personal and thoughtful, and I really hope you like it, ‘cause if you don’t I will just be crushed!"
"This’ll teach you to compliment my work and give me my first positive reinforcement from a parent aged adult, ever!"
Speaking of parent aged adults... i wonder where this could stem from...
Role Model
Who do all the turtles model themselves after, but their own father? Whether they knew it or not, Lou Jitsu was someone they all strived to be like. They commited to learning all the lines from his movies. They fought like him outside of the training course Splinter sets them on. Heck, Donnie takes his hero worship so far that his character defining brows are exactly Lou Jitsu's! Babies start learning how to establish social and emotional relationships around 18 months. We have Splinter, a despondent, but loving care giver who unfortunately did not give Donnie the validation he craved. This manifests in his insecurities where he bends over backwards to get the attention he craves. He wants to be seen, again compounded by having three rowdy mutant-powered brothers, and so he ends up tying his worth into his ability.
Now, while for a majority of the series, the turtles don't know about Splinter's past or that he dated Big Mama, but it wasn't as if Splinter hid that part of himself away so obviously. In fact, because he himself is still mourning his lost humanity, he ends up feeding his son's a hardy diet of his life's existence. The boys are secondarily raised by Lou Jitsu movies in place where Splinter is not always present. Obviously, Lou Jitsu seemingly disappears, but Splinter's feelings on the matter don't. He openly still cares about Big Mama in the present and this I don't think it's a stretch to say that he would let these feelings leak in a similar way to how he presents Lou Jitsu in the boys lives. Big Mama is a attractive, albeit manipulative woman. This is awfully close to a little line someone says, especially when we consider that he models himself after this man.
Also, if we're taking models into account. Something we know for a fact shapes teenagers. Something we know for a fact that Donnie does. Something that is equally canonized in the show, then we have to talk about.
Donnie’s True Canonical Idol
That's right. You know her. You love her. You believe that Donnie is a thigh man because of this Lass' existence. Donnie says flat out that Atomic Lass is his childhood idol. He goes to great lengths to dance with her, smashing Leo out of the way. He then even goes so far as to ask if her and Atomic Lad have split up because his intention to date her is so clear. Now she was obviously a mutant in a costume, but that didn't matter because he loves Atomic Lass that much and Atomic Lass?
She's a heroine.
Only cute and mean in the context of the episode, this is not the Lass he fell in love with. The Lass he loves is a comic book hero that travels the universe doing good.
Also....
Ron Corcillo Agrees With Me
A staff writer on Rise, I apologize I can't show the origin tweet because it was deleted, but it was a dual question that asked both about the Turtles meeting Spider-man and about Donnie's preference. Now you could say he's forgotten a line that may not be as important to him, but doesn't that in and of itself say something? It says that it could have been a one-off joke or that it wasn't something that was necessarily intrinsic to the character.
To Recap:
Donnie doesn’t always know himself
Donnie is a cringey teen
Donnie is insecure
Donnie has difficulty understanding emotions and himself
Donnie isn’t actually an 'emotionally unavailable bad boy'
Donnie doesn’t actually like the ‘mean’ type
Sources:
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles episodes:
Mystic Mayhem
Donnie's Gifts
Pizza Pit
Hot Soup: The Game
Shadow of Evil
Donnie vs. Witch Town
The Mutant Menace
Breaking Purple
Turtle-dega Nights: The Ballad of Rat Man
End Game
Repo Mantis
Mascot Melee
Donnie's Gifts
Bug Busters
War and Pizza
Goyles, Goyles, Goyles
Lair Games
Rise of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The Movie
lactoseintolerentswag's post on Rise Characterizations Pt. 3!!!
skulltrot's Donnie (Rise of the TMNT) | Autism Representation in Media video
Ron Corcillo's tweet from Cartoon Brew's Feb 10, 2024 AMA
Alexithymia | Autistica
earthytzipi's post not understanding why people characterize Donnie has hiding his emotions
hyperfixatinator's post about ROTTMNT Theory: Donatello's Hidden Role
#rottmnt#character analysis#deep dive#rise of the tmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#donatello hamato#rise donnie#rottmnt donatello#rottmnt donnie#cute but mean#emotionally unavailable bad boy#mic drop#donnie's wrong#me
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IT IS TOTALLY OKAY WITH ME OH MY GOD.
Holy shit she absolutely would love pretending to be an old noir detective. Complete with the 'standing under a streetlight smoking a cigarette for the vibes' bit.
I love how you draw her. I can't really explain it but it's sort of like-you draw her like a butch woman, you don't just give her a super masculine frame and paste tits on them. Even though she's broad-shouldered and buff, it still looks more feminine that it does on Drax. I'd say it's those massive honkers she has, but Draxum has those too.
I actually don't remember if I've ever even mentioned Bella's tig ol' bitties in the fic, lol, but inheriting the Draxum Family Tits is now canon to me.
Base on this little snippet that i wrote a few months ago.
After discussing it with myself for a while I finally decided to formally include Bella in the AU!
Bella is an OC created by @thedawningofthehour .usually I'm not a big fan of inserting OCs but Bella ended up being too much fun not to include. She's basically your drunk party Aunt if she was your cousin.
I hope it's okay, Fai
#i don't think i've ever confirmed she smokes either#she does#not so much anymore but in the nexus oh yeah#also i thought lou was wearing mickey mouse ears like they get at disney world in the last three panels#those fucking yaoi hands#she WOULD have yaoi hands that makes absolute sense#i'm glad that she gives other people brainrot as well because i can't stress enough how much i did not plan for her to be a main character#she's ungovernable#i mean she chose the yes man ending in new vegas#absolute wild card#bellona
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MAJOR BROTHERSHIP SPOILERS, ESPECIALLY RELATED TO ZOKKET!
You have been warned
So they’re like, a toxic relationship right?/hj
OK JOKING ASIDE These two are very interesting to me, and since we've known about Zokket longer, I'll be talking about him first in this thread of reblogs and posts
Zokket
So to get the elephant out of the room, I earnestly don’t believe he is just Cozette brainwashed
Like Aside from small details like the body shape being larger than she is, Zokket's voice sounding very much so different in not just the voice bleps, but in his actual grunts and noises (Especially so before his boss fight), there's things like Zokket's personality, behavior, hell he's even flat out referred to as a separate person a couple times.
Cozette after being freed only ever mentions being under Reclusa's control, and putting on a mask to become Zokket. A mask that breaks once Zokket is beaten.
The way Zokket is defeated, the way the Glohn energy flees off of Cozette's body, coupled with the fact it was specifically a mask Cozette said she donned to become Zokket, tells me outright that Zokket isn't exactly brainwashing, but instead a type of spirit or possession used to carry out Recluse's will. Now All this to say Zokket is his own person, and a very interesting person. Unlike most other Mario characters, he's a very flat character. Intentionally so don't get me wrong, that's the point. He's focused more on numbers than people. He doesn't "misremember" names, he actively doesn't care. His first proper scene is him misnaming the Extension Corps multiple times, with him getting more aggravated the more they try to correct him. He visits Shipshape a couple times through out the game, and most of those visits usually end with him mocking the idea of having connections and overall being very bitter. He's a cold cold man, and even during his boss fight he revels in making the bros hurt each other. There's also some interesting extra details via hidden logs from Cozette while being possessed, and Zokket writing his plans through her body. Quoting from those logs "The egg says its name is Reclusa. Yes, it told me its name, and that makes sense. The egg speaks directly to my brain. The egg has also shared this important truth. Loneliness is sublime . The egg only SEEMS not to move. But it definitely speaks in my brain. I now know my only calling: the resurrection of Reclusa. Loneliness is sublime . All connections will be severed. Reclusa will rule a new era of isolation. Once I have completed my task, I, too, will know the bliss of isolation. Loneliness is sublime . Approximately 284 hours, 56 minutes, and 29 seconds until the resurrection. "Beyond the Glohmatic Ray" "I have distilled the isolate energy from Spite Bulbs. That will be the source for Glohm. I can then focus and amplify it through the Great Lighthouses..." "The So-Called Extension Corps." " I met these buffoons on Slippenglide Island and employed them as generals over my army. They are intensely incompetent but loyal. Do they seek glory, or are simply afraid? They will be superfluous after the rebirth. I will need some means to dispose of them" "Building an Army" "My soldiers, my hands in the wide world, are simply junk repurposed and rebuilt. I gave them language so they might cooperate., but it is absurd to see these junk piles speak. I cannot imagine a place for them in the new world after he is reborn. They will suffer. They may rebel and become ungovernable. No matter--they are ephemeral things." after Recluse was revived, Zokket intended to torture the Zok Troops, his minions, of which HE created. Zokket doesn't just hate bonds, but seems to actively wants to break them. He strayed from his goal of reviving Reclusa by using some of the Glohm to make handheld rays to make people miserable and hate each other, instead of just using the Lighthouses for Reclusa. He threatens the Corps when the revival is almost complete, which would have come to fruition anyway had they succeeded. Zokket seems to fully understand bonds, and despises them. He's not apathetic, he's actively resentful... Except For Reclusa Excluding voice clips, the only time he laughs, is here.
His only use of positive language, and its when he's dying, where he should be at his lowest. Instead, he gets excited, happy, happy to see his Great Inspiration finally return to this world. For a man who hates bonds, he seems to have a great deal of care for his master. A master he was willing to die for, who he was destroyed for. Not even Connie, who he can't forget because of Cozette's lingering consciousness, all Zokket can muster for her is remembering her name, unlike Reclusa. So Who is Zokket? Zokket is a very cruel, bitter person. He's distant and calculating, planning and very exact, very precise ways to revive his master. But he's also sadistic, planning misery for anyone and everyone involved in his plans, for the goal of isolating the world for his master, Reclusa. a master, who he has a deep level of fondness for, the only person he actively shows happiness towards, a person who he spends his alone time with, his purpose, his great inspiration. That's Zokket (At least, my thoughts as to who Zokket is)
#mario and luigi#m&l brothership#mario & luigi: brothership#mario and luigi brothership#brothership spoilers#zokket#reclusa
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Which Witch
Part 2 of 2 / Faerie masterlist
Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish/witch!reader 13.3k words - AO3 - Part 1 Warnings-tags: 18+ Minors DNI. Explicit sex. Fae!AU. Blood magic. Faerie magic. Angst. Tenderness. Comfort. Pining. Sex magic. Praise kink, light breeding kink. Magical dubious consent. Possessive Johnny, Protective Johnny. "I'm not beat up by this yet, you can't tell me to regret, Been in the dark since the day we met, Fire, help me to forget." - F + TM
Johnny has never experienced a headache before.
The feeling is surprisingly uncomfortable, and has been blooming behind his eyes since the other day, when you advanced on him outside the pub in the mortal realm, when you caught him off guard with your fury, your heartbreak.
He tries not to think about that part, too much.
Tries not to think about the torment he saw in your eyes.
Tries not to think about his plans, laid to waste, to ruin. A dream, crumbled into a nightmare.
He tries not to think about the ache that’s settled beneath his ribs since the second you snatched your hand from his grasp and stomped away, the pressure of your magic making the stitching of the mortal realm feel too thin, too fragile.
He tries not to think about the extra weight of something that’s been added to him, nestled there in his side, the heavy feel of a magic that feels not unfamiliar, but alien at the same time.
“Bloody hell.” Gaz whispered. “No wonder ‘uve been keepin’ her a secret.” He whistled, low and sharp, as they watched you cross the street and slowly disappear from view, red and purple magic angrily arcing off from your body and tainting the air with a tart, burnt aftertaste.
You were the only being on the street, besides them. All the mortals had gone off, pushed by you, sent scurrying by your power. “That’s one powerful little wi-“
“That’s enough.” Johnny snarled in his face, the ferocity, intensity of his tone, the words spat at his own brother surprising them both, signaling Kyle to step back, out of precaution, with a gentle hand raised. Johnny panted harshly, while his magic thrashed inside of him, desperate to get out, wild and nearly out of control, fully brimming with the chaos that he knows so well.
It yearned for something, desperately.
“Easy, Soap.” Price had been on them then, appearing from where he had been inside the bar, inserting himself between their two bodies, like he needed to protect Kyle, a ridiculous sentiment by any of their standards.
“Sorry.” Johnny drew the word long, shaking his head from the pressure beating inside his skull. “’m sorry, Gaz. I dinnae- I-”
“It’s alright mate.” He assured, reaching out, clasping a hand on Johnny’s shoulder. It was warm, and comforting, and he nodded in response.
“I think you should probably get home. You’ve been here… too long.” Price follows up, and Johnny couldn’t argue. He felt drained, suddenly. Tired. A feeling that happens for them, from time to time. Especially when they’ve been in the mortal realm for an extended period.
“Alright.”
He thinks this discomfort, this ailment, whatever it may be, will pass, once he’s been home for more than a few days. He imagines it’s just a side effect of being in the mortal realm too long, and he can practically hear Price telling him he needs to stay put, stay in Faerie for a while, or at least until his magic settles and his body adjusts to its rightful plane.
After all… his kind doesn’t take sick. They can suffer magical ailments, wounds from weapons or other Fae, but to fall ill is incredibly rare.
And usually only happens to those of them who are incredibly stupid.
Still, the headache rots and spreads throughout his brain, festering in his magic until it becomes an unruly, ungovernable thing that barely recognizes him, and his muscles become excruciatingly sore, useless in his body when he tries to exert himself in any way.
The Isle itself seems restless, the sea raging tumultuously beneath the bluffs, the forests shielding themselves from the light of the sun. Johnny can feel her magic, biting and gnawing against him, yearning and screaming, the wind whistling through the oldest trees with a shriek that hurts his ears.
All the while, something else aches within him. An unbearable longing that builds and builds like a dark grey cloud growing heavy with rain.
“It’s your soul.” The Nereid, Ce, tells him softly. “You’re soul sick.”
“What?”
“Someone has bound themselves to you. Your soul, your magic, is woven together. When you’re separated, your soul will mourn for theirs.” The image of you pointing at him flashes through his mind, your gaze enraged, haunted, while you cursed him up and down.
Surely, you did not mean for this?
Simon watches him knowingly, before pulling her into his arms, rubbing his hand over the swell of her belly where their child sleeps, blissfully unaware.
“Do you know, who it could be?” She questions, and he grimaces, eyes flicking to Simon who betrays nothing, only gives him a subtle nod.
“A… witch. From the mortal realm.” She stiffens in Simon’s lap, and then shakes her head in disbelief.
“A mortal witch could not cast a binding such as this, nor survive it.”
“Well, ah… dinnae believe she’s entirely mortal.” She turns, looking between them, before glaring openly at her husband.
“The only immortal witches who still live in the mortal realm are the elemental witches…” she trails off, looking out the window to where the sea crashes on the shore, something distant flickering in her gaze, realization settling heavily upon her. “What have you done?”
“You were my priority.” Simon utters, face shuttering, eyes going grim. Johnny shifts nervously in the chair. Ce is sharp, intelligent, and it doesn’t take too long before she’s whispering her confirmation of the truth.
“The song. She’s a blood witch.” He nods, unable to break the eye contact. Simon holds her hip firmly, but she doesn’t look away from Johnny, and before he even realizes, he’s spilling more secrets.
“Blood spinner.” Her eyes widen, and then rips Simon’s hand free from her body, standing unsteadily on her two legs. Her balance has gotten better in her time here, but she still struggles with managing her new walking appendages, something that always keeps Simon hovering near by, just in case he needs to catch her.
“You must find her.” She implores Johnny, while turning on her heel to poke a finger into Simon’s chest. “You’ve no idea what you’ve done.”
“Little huntress-“ He begins, but is swiftly cut off.
“No. Do not use your sweet words to try to placate me.” She turns her nose up from him, while facing Johnny. “You must, she’s in danger. Blood witches aren’t meant to be bound to others. The effects could be catastrophic, the binding could kill her.” His heart speeds to a halt. The binding could kill you.
The feeling Johnny had a few days ago outside the pub compounds inside of him, the yearning infused with his chaos, the wild piece of his magic surging in his blood, eager to be set loose. He closes his eyes and reaches inside himself to settle his power, to soothe the uncontrolled pieces that are climbing closer to the top.
When he looks back to them, he realizes Simon is standing more than a few paces away, Ce shielded behind his body.
“It’s the binding! It can drive you mad, control your magic if you're separated too long.” She calls from around his shoulder, trying to peek out even though there is a formidable mass blocking her.
“Perhaps she planned this, Johnny.” Simon proposes, a sentiment that Johnny balks at. Were you capable of such a thing? His wife shakes her head reverently, and mouths a no.
Danger.
Catastrophic.
When he thinks about the way you looked when you thrust your finger into his face, fiery and full of rage, he realizes it’s much, much more than what he thinks he knows, or what he believes.
You tricked me, you Fae bastard.
Had you tricked him in return?
The lock on your flat’s front door is not complex. It’s not even spelled for intruders, or unwanted guests, something that’s always sat uneasily within Johnny, even when he was taking full advantage of it. His magic knows this lock well, is intimately familiar with it, and plies the deadbolt free with ease, door swinging wide like it’s been expecting him, just like every other time before.
You tossed in your sleep, brow furrowed, distress written across your face as you shook your head back and forth, trapped in your own dreams, your memories, your nightmares.
Your body, still battered and bruised, slowly healing from whatever had happened to you on Samhain, trembled beneath the sheets, and you made small, terrified mouth sounds against your pillow.
“You’re safe now, dove, you’re safe.” He stroked a thumb across your temple, down the apple of your cheek, whispering to you softly, sweetly. His own magic worked quickly, dragging you under, lulling you into a deep sleep, a near coma. He had hoped it would be enough, to keep you from waking while he worked, while he healed you from whatever ordeal you had been put through, whatever torture you had been subjected to.
He built you the sweetest dreams he could conjure, images of his own realm, lush forests and sparkling aquamarine seas, the moss-covered stone bluffs of the Isle, the three moons when they’re full, the sparkle of the night sky, webs of worlds and starlight stretching out as far as any being could see.
He had tried, so desperately, to burn the image of you from the previous night out of his mind, when you first answered his knocking with your broken soul and tearful eyes, abused body halfway hidden by the door.
What happened to you? Who could mistreat you in such a way?
He hadn’t known then, but he wanted to, urgently. Wanted you to tell him everything, wanted you to make him your tool, your harbinger of revenge. He wanted to kill for you, destroy for you, burn this entire realm for you. He wanted to lay all his promises at your feet, wanted to tell you that no one would ever touch you again, that no one would ever harm you if he was here.
He cursed himself. Cursed the truth. Cursed the spell that you put him under, the one that didn’t even exist.
He had gotten so lost in thought, lost in staring down at your now relaxed face, that he almost didn’t realize the sun was rising, the soft rays of light seeping across your room from under the curtain startling him into withdrawing his magic so he could allow you to wake and return with a coffee, maybe a pastry, some sort of breakfast sweet that mortals seemed to be overly fond of.
He leaned over you for a quick moment, unable to help himself, breathing in the scent of your hair, your skin, your very soul. It intoxicated him, the sweet citrus and balsam mixing with the minerality of blood, of earth, creating something that seeped through his own being, pulling him closer and closer until he grazed his lips across your temple so gently, he’s not sure he’s even made contact.
“I’ll be back soon.” He whispered above your ear, even though he knew you couldn’t hear him. “Have a good morning, sweet Fern.”
“Fern.” He calls, before stepping across the threshold, but there’s no answer. There’s no sound or sign of movement, no echo of your voice down the hall. “Fern!” He tries again. His blood feels hot under his skin, and he’s nearly feverish, off balance and unsteady, while the spot beneath his ribs throbs in pain.
He expects to see Jet, or hear her hiss, considering how much the little creature loathes him, but when there’s no sign of her either, something prickles along the back of his neck.
“Do not hide from me, little witch. I know what’s happened.” He calls, raising his voice, projecting it with a touch of magic so it rings down the hall, through every room, into your personal library, and beyond.
When there’s still no answer, his sense of discomfort grows, and like there is a hook in him, in his very soul, he can feel his magic being tugged along, down the hall to your bedroom.
When pushes the door open, his heart slams to a halt. Fear is the foreign sensation that pours through him, paralyzes him. It’s fear that anesthetizes him as he stares at you, crumpled on the floor, surrounded by books, ancient grimoires and other texts, your magic drained from your body like someone has bled you dry, eyes wide in agony and a rasping breath on your lips. The room smells like mineral, like clay rich soil, like earth, and he chokes on it when he realizes the stain that darkens the carpet beneath you is your blood.
“Oh, little witch.” He murmurs, kneeling by your side, wide palm slipping behind your neck gently. “What have ye done?” He tucks you into his chest, and you mumble something as he carries you to your bed, trying to lay you flat, propping your face up so he can look into your eyes.
“N-no.” you push against him weakly.
“Shhh, Fern. It’s okay.”
“Don’t.” you hiss, and blood leaks from your lips. His magic thrashes, barely contained, bubbling up and trying to break free.
“Tell me what to do.” He pleads, desperation rising in him like the swell of high tide, threatening to tip him over into fathomless depths, places where he cannot swim, or survive.
“Lea… leave.” You moan, and he shakes his head. “Leave. I don’t… I don’t need your ‘elp.”
“No.” He refuses, cradling your face between his hands, and you blink at him slowly, eyelids heavy, expression disorientated. Long seconds pass and you look… confused suddenly, like you don’t recognize him, like all the vitriol and venom that you were spitting a moment ago has suddenly disappeared, and he feels a surge of your magic, the snapping of something, the binding, twisting, and tugging at the two of you.
“Johnny?” You mumble, and a smile breaks across his face, a small one, an encouraging one, something he hopes brings you comfort.
“Aye. It’s me, dove. It’s me. ’m here.” You tremble in his grasp, and more blood drips from your mouth. The sight of it is enough to loosen the hold on his power, and the room floods with bright light, illuminating every corner in the flat, and every detail on your face.
You need help. You need help, now. Badly.
He’s never wanted to have your name as frantically as he does in this moment. He wants to force you to tell him what to do, how to fix whatever this is, he wants to reach inside your magic and your mind and root around in your soul until he can pull the answer free from your lips.
A terrible thought forms in his mind. It’s wrong, and one he is sure you will hate him for, one he knows you will punish him for.
If you live.
Danger. Catastrophic.
Blood witches aren’t meant to be bound to others.
The binding could kill her.
Ce’s warning plays over and over in his mind, and when you cough again, blood splattering on his forearm, his magic makes his mind up for him, spreading forward to try to soothe you, cocooning you in a soft, twilight embrace that tries to lull you to sleep.
He pulls you back into his arms, tucking you against his body and concentrating his power on the thrum of your heartbeat, the power in your veins. He needs to blink the two of you to the closest door, and the only one that’s remotely doable is in Sherwood Forest, nestled among a ring of birch trees that all lean suspiciously inward.
“Fern.” He tries to get your eyes to focus on him, jostling you slightly as he strides away from your room. “Fern, I need… I have to take ye away.” Your brow furrows, and somewhere in the very back of his mind, he remembers how cute you are when you look at him like this, when you’re well, and not suffering.
He comes to halt in the kitchen, where Jet sits on her haunches atop the table, watching him with her head cocked.
“She’s dying.” He explains to her, and Jet scowls before she answers him, disdain dripping from her words.
“Because of you.”
“What happened?”
“The binding was an accident. She lost control.”
“She needs help. Is there anyone?”
“Not here… she’s been shunned. Thanks to you.” She glares at him, and he shoves down his urge to scream. Jet slinks towards him, eyes wise and wandering, sizing him before she sits down next to where he’s got you hovering above the table in his grip. “You’ll have to take her.”
“I cannae. I need her name.” She flicks her gaze to you before hopping from the table, walking to where the door creaks open on its own.
“You need to get it on your own.”
“She’s dying, Jet.”
“I know you won’t let that happen. After all, this was your plan, was it not?” She says before slipping outside, into the night.
You shiver against him, and he tightens his arms around you instinctively, lowering his nose into your hair, trying to find the sweet balsam and citrus scent under the sour smell of scorched earth and black blood. It’s there, but barely. There’s hope.
“Little witch.” He taps your cheek, trying to get you to concentrate on him, to look at him. “Fern, will you give me your name?” He coos sweetly, sugaring his voice with honey, dropping his glamour to pull your focus. It’s wrong, he knows this, so wrong, a true violation, but what choice does he have?
He won’t leave you to die.
You lick your lips, and he smiles, fully aware that he’s probably partially blinding you, scrambling the signals in your magic and mind, his own power pulling desperately at the binding to get you to comply.
Come on, sweet Fern.
Give me your name, dove.
He grips your hand, twisting your wrist until your palm is facing him, and for the first time without his glamour, he lets himself kiss you there, right on the heel below your thumb, dabbing his magic into the veins that vibrate just beneath your skin. He pushes, and then for good measure, pushes again, until your lips are cracking on an intake of breath, and your free hand is reaching for his, bloodied fingers smearing your ichor across his skin as you slowly speak, mouth forming the one thing he’s needed all along, the thing he’s wanted more than anything since the day he’s met you.
Your name. Given to him. By you.
It sinks into him, heating his own blood with the power of your admission, pulsing through his magic until it’s settling in that spot behind his ribs, the same spot that’s been aching since the last time he saw you, the place where the binding is nestled.
“Okay.” He coos, and then repeats your name, while you nod. “Okay, hold on to me.” He whispers, and then pulls everything in the flat tight, all the magic that’s spilled from your body, all the magic that he’s let run wild since he got here. He moves himself, and you, into the blink, and then the ground shifts, room tilting and splitting until the walls are fading into trees, the tile of your kitchen becoming grass under his feet, and your ceiling is a night sky. You squeeze your eyes shut and bury your face in his chest, and he knows it’s because the blink is uncomfortable, disorientating for those who are not Fae. Lesser creatures usually don’t even survive it.
But you are no lesser creature.
This fact, this truth, is the thing he takes comfort in as he barrels towards the door, his magic breaking through the threshold and crashing through the planes until he’s stumbling into Faerie with a blood covered witch curled against his chest.
“Are ye hungry?” Eilean asks from the threshold of the room, not willing to cross inside, but eager to see if she can help at all.
“No.”
“Should I bring some wine?” She tries, voice dipped in hopeful inflection. He rubs a palm over his face in part exasperation, part exhaustion.
“Please. Wine would be lovely, thank ye Eilean.” He placates her, and he doesn’t need to turn to know she’s smiling with approval.
He wouldn’t turn, regardless. He doesn’t dare look away from where you lay against the pillows in a bed that seems far too big. Where you lay, alone. Sleeping. Unconscious now, for far too many days. You’re weak, so weak, from travelling here, from trying to exist in this realm, a realm that you were not made for, a realm that no one seems to know if you can even persist in.
The Isle cradles you, fosters your survival. She holds you firm, holds you as he would, a casket of stone and sea weaving around your body, protecting you from anything. Everything.
Sometimes he fears she may be protecting you from him.
The waves crash against the rocks far below where he sits and you lay, sea ravaging against the rock, water pounding against stone over and over, the repetition enough to carve out caves and patterns in the walls, to change the physical manifestation of the Isle, to alter the very ground he lives on, walks on. The ground that he had hoped, one day, you may walk on with him. Beside him. The place he had hoped you might embrace with all her horror and secrets, that you might accept as a place of your own.
His hope fades with every breath you draw. It flickers like a flame being doused out.
Every now and then, you fidget beneath the blankets, body shivering and shaking, subdued whimpers escaping your lips as you twitch. He fears the binding may not need to drive him mad, because watching you suffer, watching you sleep endlessly, may do it regardless, in the end.
However, the bleeding has stopped, a small thing that Johnny is immensely grateful for, even though no one knows why.
“She needs time.” The healer tried to tell him, their effervescent magic embracing you in a halo while they worked to stop the blood that had started leaking from your eyes and nose, as well as your mouth. “Her magic is overloaded by the binding. The best thing you can do for her is stay close by. She will wake on her own time.”
“Her temperature-“
“We do not know. There are some things at work here, even we do not understand.” They explained, sympathy pooling across their face.
They wished him well after that, instructing him to call for them should they be needed further.
He didn’t know how to ask them to stay. He didn’t know how to tell them that for the first time in his eternally too long life, he was truly scared.
“How is she?” This voice, this one that calls to him from the threshold, speaking to him in his mind, startles him in the armchair, even though he knows it belongs to his brother. He turns to see Gaz, who watches him through lowered lashes. He’s keeping his distance, as every other being has, unsure about how Johnny will react with another coming so close to his… witch. “Price says ya’ve been holed up in here for days. Thought I’d come check, see if anything was needed.”
“Come in.” Johnny implores, out loud, and Gaz does, hesitantly, watching his brother for any changes, any indication he may lose control. Once he gets about two meters away, Johnny holds his hand up, a signal to stop, and Gaz conjures a chair, brimming at the seams with sun kissed light, a neat trick that benefits him when he plops down in it, like he too, is exhausted and weary.
“Well?”
“She’s… ‘m not sure. She still hasn’t woken, and her temperature, her body is hot to the touch. Too hot. But she’s stopped bleeding, which I take as a good thing.” He hasn’t left your side, constantly feeding the binding his own magic in hopes it would help give you some strength or help heal you.
“She’ll be alright.” Kyle encourages lowly, smiling at him. “She has you to look out for her, after all.” Johnny nods, even if he doesn’t believe it.
“Thank ye, for comin’.” He whispers, clearing his throat.
“We’re family, Johnny. Even when you run away to this damn Isle with a blood witch that you’ve stolen from the mortal realm.” He laughs with a wink, and Johnny’s lips curl into a very subtle grin.
“Not much better than Simon, am I?”
“Well, you didn’t drag us all around the mortal realm for nearly a decade so, that’s something.” He sighs, leaning back, slinging his feet over the arm of the chair. “Besides. I’m not exactly exempt either now.” Johnny nods, and he watches the flicker of discontent that washes over his brother, the way his magic pulses through him and the chair before returning to stasis.
Now, it’s his turn to ask.
“How is she?” Gaz shakes his head.
“Violent.” The word gives Johnny pause, and he feels his sympathy grow. His brother is the gentlest of them, the most kind. The one who others seek out, for comfort, for care. The one who wields the sun’s light itself. “Won’t let me near ‘er. Won’t eat. Won’t open the door, only yells at me through it. Hardly even speaks to her sister.” He pauses, pinching the bridge of his nose with graceful fingers. “She wants me to let her die.”
“And will ye?” He doesn’t respond right away, and they both just watch where you lay in the bed, silent.
“Don’t think I can. I feel… something for her. It’s different, from anything I’ve felt before. It’s-“
“Frightening.” Johnny finishes for him, and some tension leaks from his body. It is unlike them both, to feel fear. To feel fear and acknowledge it.
You twitch, eyes moving behind closed lids, and Gaz gives him a nod as he rises.
“See you soon?”
“Aye.”
It’s late, two days later, when you start to wake. Your temperature has gone down, and you’ve finally slept peacefully through an entire night. The moons have already risen, and Johnny has the drapes tucked open, so the room is illuminated in a silvery purple glow that shimmers across the floor and onto the bed. Your lashes flutter, and he feels the influx of magic in the room, ebbing and flowing, growing stronger and stronger, spilling from you as you swim closer and closer to consciousness, your eyes slowly opening, brow furrowed, discontent pulling your lips downwards in a frown. The wild yearning cries out inside of him, chaos beating in his heart, and he struggles to contain it.
“What’s…” your voice trails off as you look around, and Johnny waits for the moment when you find him in the chair by your bedside.
It happens fast. Your expression goes from confused, maybe a little contrite, but still curious, to rage filled, and startled. Fear reflects in your gaze, and his stomach drops.
“Fern.” He tries to calm you, and you hold your hand in front of your body like you’re trying to ward him off.
“Stay away from me.” You hiss. You try to sit up, try to move away from him, but your body is too weak, physically, and you sink down to your elbows in a second while you press yourself against the headboard. “What did you do to me? Where am I?” He stands, casting a little bit of magic out, trying to relax you, but you beat him back with your own before you’re yelling as loud as you can. “Help! Help! HELP ME!” you scream, voice drenched in horror, and a piece of his heart chips away in an instant.
You’re terrified of him.
There’s a noise, behind him, like a soft chiming of bells, and then he feels the shadow of Eilean’s magic, her presence unmistakable. He holds a hand out to stop her in the doorway, and you gasp aloud, palm covering your mouth, eyes round with shock when you see her.
“Oh. My gods.” You look from her, back to him, and then around the room, tracking out the window to where the three moons glow, bathing the sea below in silky shades of lilac, before you try even harder to shuffle yourself away from the edge of the bed, your hands fully shaking. “You stole me.” You whisper it between your fingers. “You took me. We’re… we’re in Faerie.” Tears are coursing down your cheeks, breaths coming in frantic little puffs that grate at his soul, the spot beneath his ribs aching as you cry.
“I thought… ah thought I was goin’ lose ye.” He croaks. “I dinnae- I had no other choice.” You’re breathing too fast, too short, and he wants to tear at the unfathomable distance between you and him that seems to be widening by the moment.
“Get away from me.” You half yell, half cry at him, tone dripping in disdain, in fear. “Get away!” you scream, and the demand physically pains him, like you’re ripping him apart, like you’re taking a knife and jamming it up underneath his ribs, hollowing him out, destroying him from the inside.
He stumbles from the room, clutching his side like he’s been wounded, and your magic lashes forward to slam the door shut behind his back with a finality that hits like a killing blow.
“Well, she’s scared. And rightfully so.” Ce says with a hand on her hip, leveling Johnny with a look that he can feel burning through his skin. “I managed to get her to listen to me long enough so I could… explain everything.” He straightens.
“What did you tell her?”
“The truth.” She sighs, and shifts her weight, reaching for where Simon stands. He takes her outstretched hand and brings her into his body, wrapping her up with a supportive arm around her waist. Johnny eyes the doors of the bedroom, clearly overeager, and she shakes her head immediately. “She doesn’t want to see you.”
“But-“
“She’s traumatized. She was used by you, betrayed by you. And then you kidnapped her from the only home she’s ever known.” At that, she gives Simon a healthy glare, and he has the good sense to look at least, somewhat ashamed. “It gets worse, I’m afraid.” Simon watches closely, and Ce looks at Johnny with a face full of sadness. “The binding… she may not be able to undo it.”
“What?”
“It is powerful magic. Magic that she did not intend to cast. It came… from the heart.” Johnny lets his eyes slip shut at her words, jaw clenching tight. “You need to prepare for what is to come, if she cannot reverse it.” She ghosts a hand over her belly and implores him with a meaningful look, one that cannot be understated or misunderstood.
The magic that feels like you, the fibers that he believes are the binding, seem to flex within his power, like it’s being pulled, and he involuntarily takes a step towards the door.
“Soap.” Simon beseeches, and Johnny stops short. “You must give her some space for now.”
They’re right. He knows, they’re right. He’s violated you, forced your name from you, stole you from your home, betrayed you in every way.
But the binding, the burning ache in his side, cries out to him. Begs him to go to you. Begs him to take you into his arms, complete the binding right then and there, and steal you away forever.
He grits his teeth.
“Alright.”
Days pass, and Johnny fights himself every step of the way. He fights his magic, which has grown unruly and uncomfortable again, fights the gaping hole that seems to be forming in that spot behind his ribs, fights what he is sure now is the binding, the incessant pull that tries to drag him into your orbit. He fights how he feels, the deep-laid emotions that he’s spent months trying to bury, and the feelings of discontent, of missing something. Someone.
The estate is heavy with your ghost. Eilean keeps him informed of your comings and goings, your visits with Simon’s wife, your days spent locked in his library. She says you’re physically better, but tire easily. You only sleep for short moments at a time, like him. Johnny tries to tell himself he does not care that you refuse to see him. He tells himself that it does not bother him, that you were so willing to shut him out completely, so eager to escape him. He tells himself that the sound of your fear, of your cries for help are not burning into his memory, that they are not entrenching themselves into his soul, driving him mad. He tells himself it’s just the binding. That the binding is driving him to the brink, that the binding is to blame for his near descent into madness.
But he knows, it’s not responsible for everything, It’s not responsible for the yearning in his soul, his heart, his magic. For the wild edged chaos that brews out of control in his veins.
It's love. His heart bleats in the quiet hours of the night, when he holds his breath and feels for you through the estate, when he catches the barely-there scent of citrus and blood in a hallway where you must have recently lingered. It’s love. His mind screams when he closes his eyes to rest for a few precious moments, and all he can see is your face, smiling at him, giggling in the golden light of your kitchen at dusk. It’s love. His magic shrieks at him to go to you, to hold you, to tell you everything. To tell you about the way his power rioted in his blood the moment he saw you, the way his magic exploded in his chest the first time you shared your heart, your mind, your life with him, the way he knew after that very first day, that no other being would ever possess him, except you.
Eilean walks with you in the garden. He tries not to watch too closely, warily waiting for something to happen, for a decision to be made that he will not be able to fight, no matter how hard he tries. She delights you, when she shows you how to sow your magic into the fabric of Faerie, how to connect with Isle as you connect with the earth of your home realm.
Johnny does not allow himself the hope that lights in his soul, when she looks up at where he stands in the window, and nods. An approval. A yes. A piece of herself, given to you.
As time crawls by, he cannot stop himself from thinking about you, every waking moment. He cannot stop himself from wondering how you’re faring, if you need him, if you’re feeling well. His magic never lets him sleep, never lets him come, keeps him on the edge eternally, pacing, tossing, and turning while his mind is invaded by thoughts of you.
It is one of these nights, when he’s drowning in too many feelings, along with two bottles of wine, pacing fruitlessly, that Gaz blinks into the kitchen with an irritated huff.
“Look sharp. Been callin’ ya for hours.” Gaz spits, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. “Bloody hell, Soap. Get yourself together. Simon sent for us.”
The meeting is a long one.
Simon outlines recent inquiries, payloads for work, demands of their presence in places across the realm, old contracts that have long laid dormant being renewed with a fresh round bloodshed.
It is the same song and dance. The same battle cry of blood and victory.
Fae and mortals are not as different in their hearts as they seem, he muses, reading over a potential contract, a high paying job for the removal of a seated power. It comes with a catch, a royal child who requires protection, and he places it on the top of the list for consideration. Children cost extra.
He is not surprised, when both Simon and Gaz seem hesitant to agree to anything, especially work that will take them away from extended periods of time.
Johnny says nothing but shares their feelings. The idea of leaving the Isle for any amount of time makes his magic churn in his veins. Even now, anxiety builds like a storm inside him, and he agonizes about returning.
“It’s not optimal.” Simon declares, while Price smirks from where he sits with his arms crossed.
“Ye going soft, Riley?” Johnny ribs him, and Simon scowls.
“I’ll show you soft, Soap.” He shoots back, while Gaz chuckles.
“I’m not opposed to taking it easy, for a bit.” Price offers something, an inquiry that caught his eye, a short engagement, not very far away, while Simon counters it with a different one that’s even less time. They bicker, back and forth, back and forth, and Gaz slowly becomes more interested in a half open book laying on Simon’s desk than he does the conversation.
Johnny loses interest completely. The spot beneath his ribs is pounding like his heart, and his magic is swelling violently in time with the binding. When he says his goodbyes, no one is surprised.
“I want to know.”
“Witch business is no business of the Fae.”
“Fern is my business.” She laughed at his demand, the echo of it scraping across the front his mind like he had been scratched by her claws.
“So possessive.” She murmured. “Over a witch who does not even know the truth of who you are.”
“Jet.” He warned, and she growled a sigh.
“Divination is not practiced here as it practiced in your realm. It requires a sacrifice, and the visions are not easy, even for a powerful witch like Fern. It extracts a higher toll.” His blood curdled in his veins, and her tail whipped back and forth, green eyes watchful from where she sat in the kitchen. “Her participation is not voluntary.”
“They force her?”
“They’ve forced her since she was a child. The coven only cares for their power, their vanity, their immortality, and without the blood spinner, without the Divination, they would have none of it.” He pictured you, a small girl, alone, defenseless, victim to practices of your coven, your magic and mind a tool for them to use, to take advantage of, to torture. She licked her paw before rising to all fours, casting an underhanded glance at him. “The way they see it, Fern belongs to them. The blood spinner is not a being with a soul, but a thing to be used as the coven sees fit.” Outside, the wind howled, spurred on by the tethers of magic that spun from Johnny, the chaos that reveled in his distress, ropes and ropes of rage and desperation twisting together with the force of his power, sowing down deep into the earth, and expelling into the sky. “Should one protest… well.” She didn’t finish, just fixed her gaze beyond him, out through the window where the sky swirled with violent hues of black and purple.
“Her parents.” Jet refused him a response, but he didn’t need one to know the truth. “She doesn’t know.” He continued, and she slunk from her perch to the corner of the table.
“Have you considered what will happen, after your damage is done? What the coven will do when they discover her betrayal? Or worse…. you and your brothers are not the only ones who go bump in the night here. Fern is a magnet for creatures. Without the protection of her coven, she will be a target. She will be vulnerable.” She studied him, and he felt the shadowed point of her power, probing along his own, trying to peer into his mind.
He let a swirl of chaos break free, pushed out into the open.
He let a sentiment slip through, into her sight.
He had considered it, had planned for it. Anticipated it.
She met his eyes with her own, and understanding, recognition occurred between them.
“You plan to take her.”
He blinks onto the veranda of his own home, eager to escape the argument, rubbing his neck in exasperation when he catches the scent of balsam and citrus, mineral and blood, coming from the garden.
It’s you. You’re in the garden.
“Hello.” Johnny calls, stepping into the grass but no further, allowing you to see him, to recognize him as a non-threat. The light from the moons spills down your back and across your skin, making you shimmer under their glow, illuminating you in the brisk night air. The flowers around you are all in bloom, even in the middle of the night, and his lips quirk to the side with a smile when he realizes it’s your doing, velvety petals blossoming across the grounds in large swatches, vibrating with the signature of your magic.
You’re sitting amongst a variety of plants, long vines that stretch and strain towards where your fingers dance to entice them into reaching for you.
“Hi.” You don’t bother to lift your eyes, and it stings a little, disappointment settling heavy in his stomach. He takes a deep breath.
“I was hoping we could talk.”
“About what?” you bristle, and he grinds his teeth. About us? About the binding? About what happened? About how sorry I am? About how I cannot stop thinking about ye? Worrying about ye? Obsessing? He settles on, what happened, hoping that will ease you open to talking.
“About what happened.”
“About what happened, which time? The time when you used me to get information so your brother could abduct a Nereid, or the time you stole my name from me and then stole me from my own realm."
Well. Fuck.
“What’s wrong, Johnny? Cat got your tongue?” You latch onto his silence and dig in, not sparing him from your venom. His temper flares, needled on by the discomfort that is restless in his magic, and he pushes back at you.
“I will not apologize for doing what needed to be done to save ye, dove.” He snaps, drawing to his full height, and you glare at him, fury twisting your face into something that’s a little scary, and a little enthralling.
“Save me?” you hiss, incredulous. “Save me? You didn’t care much about saving me when you used me to get what you needed.” You stand, forgoing your plants to face him, fingers pointed to the ground, a hot flare of magic stretching across the space between him and you.
“I never wanted to hurt ye, I wanted to bring ye with me, but it was too late before ye knew the truth and I had no chance to explain.” He counters, and you laugh, the sound all sour and wrong, harsh, and unforgiving.
“You thought I would just go with you? You tricked me. You took advantage of me.” He feels the ground shifting, feels the earth growing under his feet, and your magic pulsing around him, strong and eager, pushing and pulling at something he cannot see. What is this? “You lied to me. You betrayed me.” The forest at your back groans, like the Isle herself is protesting this battle of wills, like she objects to the clash of power. The pressure in the air rises, and then something is tightening around his feet, restricting his boots, and tying him to the ground.
Roots.
There are tree roots, crisscrossed across his toes, snaking up his ankles.
“Fern.” He warns.
“Johnny.” You mock, and the magic crests, more gnarled plant life coming to sprout from the ground, lashing across his wrists, tying them tight to his sides wrapping him up like rope. “You won’t fight back?” you taunt, mouth curving into a wicked little smile. Another tendril of green binds around his forearm, and he grunts with effort to stay calm.
“No.” he grits out.
“No? No?” you hiss and step closer, bare feet pressing the grass down between your toes. You look like a predator in this moment, eyes sharp and narrowed, stalking closer to your prey. You’re enchanting, and unsettling, and the binding hums inside of him.
The plants twist past his forearms, tightening against his circulation, curling up his biceps and stroking the skin of his shoulders.
His power flares, distressed, confused.
In battle, if you were a foe, he’d already have struck you down, dealt you a killing blow.
“Fern. Stop this.” The vines squeeze him, and then crawl up his neck, holding firm beneath his jaw.
“Do you know what they wanted to do to me, Johnny? After they found out what I did?” He chews on the inside of his cheek, trying to wait you out, trying to see if you’ll draw back. “Answer me!” your voice cracks, and so does his heart.
“No.”
“They wanted to burn me at the stake.” You whisper, the words enough to take his breath. His magic thrashes. The spot underneath his ribs aches. “It wasn’t enough to shun me. They wanted to kill me.” He shakes his head furiously.
“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-“
“No, don’t say that. You’re not.”
“Ah wouldn’t have let them. No one will ever touch ye again Fern, I swear it.”
“Why even bother with more of these lies? You just needed to help your brother, and you didn’t care who was collateral damage. You used me.” You break, and a tear glitters on your cheek, refracting the light of the moons. “Just… just like them.” Oh, dove.
“No, no. That’s not… It’s not true. Ah care for ye, ye’ve meant something to me since the first day I laid-“
“Stop.” The plants squeeze him, and any tighter they’ll probably be strangling him. Cutting off his air. He fights against them, just marginally, enough to give himself some breathing room, and is surprised when they don’t loosen so easily. “I’m stronger here. Eilean taught me, how to feel this earth. How to hear it breathing, find its water, its blood.” You explain, tone bitter, and he nods a slow agreement.
“Of course.” Of course, she did. Because she likes you, dove. She accepts you. She wishes for you to make your home here. With me. With us.
He doesn’t try again, doesn’t flex in the web of plants that you’ve wrapped him in, just stands completely still, waiting. He urges his power to settle, to resist the call of blood and battle, to stand down as you seethe.
If he tried, only a little harder, he could shred the vines and roots in an instant. He could break free.
But a large part of him, spurred on by the gaping hole that’s been left by your absence, the pain that’s nestled in his diaphragm, doesn’t want to.
Most of him wants to stand here and take it, take everything from you.
It’s no more than he deserves, and he knows it.
Your hands are shaking, fingernails gleaming in the moonslight when you hastily wipe your cheek, and he wants so badly to reach for you. To hold you. To tell you how sorry he is. How he wishes he could take it all back. How he never wanted to hurt you.
“I trusted you.” It’s a whisper on the wind, spoken to the earth, to the sky, to anywhere but him. The words are hollow, like there’s nothing left there for him, like you’ve written your story, and his pages are long over.
“Ah know.” He murmurs. Your tears drip onto the grass, and he watches each one splash while dread swallows his heart whole. The ache in his ribs burns, magic howling through his limbs, tugging and digging against him to act, to move.
In the end, he doesn’t move at all. He stands trapped in the vines you’ve grown around him, stands trapped in time as you walk past him and up the veranda into the estate. The wind shrieks through the trees, whipping around where he stands immobile, and he watches the light in your room on the second-floor flick on, a warm yellow glow seeping out from behind the curtains as you peek around them, gazing down to where he stands, still like a statue in the garden below.
He stands there until your room goes dark.
The light sparkled across your skin, your hair, your eyes. He had never been fond of the mortal realm’s sun, always finding it too harsh, too abrasive, but the way it shone on you in that moment, he wasn’t sure he had loved anything more.
“Which was your favorite, then?” You extended the thing in your hand towards him, the fragrant, sweet ice cream treat, and he politely shook his head to decline.
“Ah dinnae care much for it, if ‘m being honest.”
“What?” Your other arm stayed looped in his, allowing him to subtly press his hip against yours, feel the warmth of your skin through the fabric of your skirt as the two of you took long, loping steps down the park’s path. “How can you not like ice cream?” You frowned. “We sampled so many. You didn’t like any of them?” He considered explaining he only sampled them because it allowed him to stand to so close you in that tiny shop. That he liked it because he was able to wrap his fingers around yours when you passed him the tiny spoons.
“The mint was alright.” He told you instead, and you huffed. “The lavender one too.” You gave him a curious look, and he couldn’t help himself, too eager to see you smile, too weak to resist the promise of your laughter. “It seems, I am overly fond of plants.”
The sea roars beneath grassy knoll where he hides. He swears it’s screaming your name, calling to you, crying about you.
He tries to clear his mind.
It’s why he comes here. To think. To be alone. To be unbothered. The hill is tucked away from his home, and he sits in the shadow of an ash tree, staring at the sky, waiting to settle, waiting to feel at peace.
A fool’s errand.
His mind is incapable of rest. It can only dwell on one thing, his desperation, his desire, his longing for you. The yearning in his heart that now works in tandem with the binding, trying to drag him towards you every waking moment of the day, trying to force him into your path.
You’re in the hallway when he returns, stack of books clutched to your body.
“Fern.” He chokes out, dumbstruck. He had planned a speech, for this, after what happened in the garden. A plea. A desperate sonnet of sadness and guilt. But in this moment, with you standing in front of him like a wild animal that may dart away at any moment, everything escapes him. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth, his brain feels blank.
You’re frozen, looking back at him, eyes wide, and a tiny sliver of relief fractures through his heart when he doesn’t smell any fear on you.
“Hi.” You whisper, and like a magnet, he cannot stop himself from stepping closer.
You do not flinch, or move, or even look away. You just… stare at him.
“Are ye well?” He tries, and you swallow so loud he can hear it rattling in his brain.
“I… am. Are you?”
“As well as I can be.” I’m in love with ye. I’ve been in love with ye. I’m sorry. All of these things echo in his mind, circling his consciousness but none of them come to the forefront. Instead, he stammers out a: “Ye look… beautiful.” Bleedin’ gods. It’s a massacre. He tries to smother his grimace and you give him a funny look.
“Thank you.”
“Are ye, getting on well here?” He motions to the too long, too wide hallway that seems to stretch farther and farther every second, and you nod slowly.
“Yes, you have… a lot of books.”
“Ah… ‘ve always been fond of them. The books.” He agrees, and your lips flick upwards in a polite smile. His heart races.
He takes another step.
It’s too much. You shrink away, moving backwards, and he curses himself.
“Sorry-“
“I should go.” You gesture the leather-bound volumes in your grasp.
“Of course.” He concedes, and you incline your head to him before turning around.
His magic screams through his body the entire time he watches you walk away.
You’ve made yourself at home in the library. He tries to push away the glee that it brings him, the fire that it stokes within him, the urge that it encourages. The binding warbles inside his magic, his soul, as he passes the door every day, tugging and dragging him until he’s trying the handle one morning, ignoring his prior commitments, opting to slide inside the heavy wooden doors just for a chance to see your face.
“You have books from my ho- from the mortal realm.” He winces, when you cut your words off abruptly and reroute them, all while staring at him from the desk in the library. Your fingers stroke the corner of a volume that lays open in front of you, and he takes a step closer, slowly, hesitantly, waiting to see if you’ll spook.
You don’t. You don’t even fidget, or flinch, just gently turn the pages as if everything is normal.
“Would ye like to see something special?” He cannot help it, this desire to impress you, to tempt you. He wants to catch you, keep you, hold you in a thrall like you hold him in yours. He thinks he should probably feel guilty, for using the things he knows you love so dear to entice you, to gentle you to him and draw you out, but he can’t find it in himself to feel poorly for it. He’s worried sick. He wants to see you smile again. Wants the life to come back to your eyes.
He wants his sweet Fern. His little witch.
He gestures to a book, one that sits in a glass case on a table next to his side, black binding shiny and perfect as if it were brand new and not thousands of years old.
“What is it?” You cannot help yourself, brushing past him to lean over the glass, eyes wide and curious.
“It’s a grimoire.” You inspect it with a frown, and he threads his magic through the air and into the glass, evaporating it into its original form, tiny spheres of sand that disappear before your eyes. You startle, and he smirks when you look up at him.
“Doesn’t look like any grimoire I’ve ever seen.” Your hand cautiously hovers above the spell book, and he can feel your magic probing along the edges, testing, seeking.
“It’s from a Netherworld.”
“Which?” you blurt, and then look half embarrassed, before tacking on a soft spoken, “And how?” He’s not surprised that you know of them, but it feels uneasy, knowing you may have been exposed to something from those realms, some sort of monster or creature, a Demon or worse, an Angel.
“The Below. I travel there, sometimes.” Your jaw goes slack, and you study him closer, something foreign flickering across your features before they turn doleful.
“I have seen them.” What? You turn a page with your magic, being careful not to let your fingers directly touch the pages. “Through Divination. I’ve seen both the Below, and Above.” You shudder, and his heart thunders, blood rushing through his ears.
A mortal witch, who’s not a mortal at all. Who spins blood and can see through realms, into the Below and Above. Places not even Gaz or Price dare travel to.
Formidable indeed.
“Dove, that’s… that must have been frightening.” Another page turns beneath your fingers, and you shrug.
“I have been Divining since I was a child. I’ve seen many things. It’s how I knew where we were, when I woke up,” Rage rips through him, unbridled and coarse, rousing his magic into a whirlwind of anger, the feel of it as violent as when he first learned the truth. It makes his blood boil in his veins, makes the shelves in the library vibrate in anticipation, his magic bouncing around the room, seeking to destroy, to sow chaos, to obliterate.
“Johnny.” Simon’s voice calls, echoing inside his skull, and he tenses, muscles turning to stone as he feels for his brother, locating him and Gaz outside, in the hall.
“Not now.” He grits in response, but he hasn’t forgotten his prior engagement, and knows trying to put it off is pointless.
When they come closer, when Simon pulls the doors wide, he bares his teeth, tension filling the air of the library. They stand at a respectful distance, not stepping inside, leagues away at the opposite end of the room, but he still feels overly exposed, can feel the pull of possession as he instinctually positions himself between your body and theirs.
You frown at his brothers before stepping into the shadow of his body, close enough that you brush against him, your fingers tracing a barely-there circle on the inside of his wrist.
“Why did you do it?” You break the silence, whispering to the ceiling, and he frowns.
“Do what?”
“Make me fall in love with you.” You still do not look at him, but he cannot tear his eyes from you, mouth wide with shock, the space beneath his ribs pulsing with chaotic magic, his heart beating too fast to count. “You could have just… used your magic. You could have taken what I knew, by force. Why did you spend all that time with me?” The confession slowly takes shape across his tongue, heavy and raw, ready to drip like honey from his mouth to yours.
“I- are ye in love with me, Fern?”
“Answer the question.”
“I knew what I had to do, to help my brother but ye were unexpected. The worst, and most wonderful surprise of my eternal existence.”
“Johnny.” Simon’s insistence echoes across his mind and he feels the urge to turn on them both, to banish them from the estate, from the Isle, from his life, just to keep his time with you from being interrupted.
‘Bloody terrible timing.”
“Clearly. But this cannot be delayed.” He clenches his jaw, and pulls your hand into his, smoothing a palm over your knuckles.
“I’ll be back later, if ye want to talk more.” It’s a hopeful thing, this sentence. Something that carries so much weight, without even being a question. Something that has the power to crush him, without a mere thought.
“Okay.” You whisper.
“Okay?” your head bobs, and you look down at the book with mock interest.
“I do not forgive you but, I’d like to… talk. Yes.” Yes. Yes. The word rings between his ears. He can work for your forgiveness, he can spend the rest of his existence earning it, if this means you’ll let him. If you’ll speak to him.
“Later then?” He manages to get out, and then squeezes your hand in a goodbye after you nod.
He does not see the way you stare at your own fingers after he leaves, does not see the way your magic explodes throughout the library, before settling back against your skin like a warm embrace, your side of the binding fluttering in your heart.
“My home is alive.” He told your sleeping form, words quiet as he watched for any sign of you waking. “The place where my home is built, where I was born. The Isle. She chooses, who can stay, who can make their life there. She is a complex thing, a wild thing. Like you.” You twitched, and he paused, holding still as he waited.
When you didn’t rouse, he pushed a small spark of chaos into your sleeping mind, drawing you in deeper, settling you into your wildest dreams. “Jet told me, about what ye’ve been through. About what the coven has done to ye, forced ye to do… and I think, the Isle would accept ye. Ah think she would like ye, and welcome ye, Fern. With me.” You shivered, and he instinctually warmed the room, raising the temperature until you settled.
“Johnny.” Price called inside his mind, insistent, but patient. “We have business.” He sighed.
He had already been here too long tonight, and his brothers waited for him.
The kiss to your hair was fleeting. Gentle. Sweet. Punctuated with a whisper lost on the breeze from the open window.
“Gods, what have ye done to me little witch?”
“Ye come out here often.” He says quietly from the door, standing just beyond it after spotting you on the veranda, and you nod slowly in response, eyes dragging away from the sky to his, before returning upwards. The night is soft. Calm edged and serene, the breeze carrying a hint of sea spray from the foam below.
“I’ve never seen so many.”
“Stars?”
“Planets.”
“Surely there are other planets besides your own?” He knows there are, he’s seen them in sky, in the mortal realm.
“Yes, but not like this. There’s… there’s nothing, like this.” Your lips part, throat bobbing with a breath and he feels a strange tightening his chest as he watches you take it in. You look so amazed, so enchanted, so captivated by something he views so ordinary, that he too, tilts his head back to look up at the dizzying number of planets. Hundreds of worlds swirl in the inky darkness above them, their colors so vibrant they shine like gemstones, blinking in and out of the velvet backdrop that is the night sky. “There are so many worlds. So many places.” you whisper to him, a smile full of awe sloping across your lips. “Do you go to them? These worlds?”
“Some.”
“Some.” you parrot. “Some.” you laugh, like the notion is absurd, which it probably is, to you. Something inconceivable, improbable. “They’re beautiful.” Your hand raises to reach for them, as if you could pluck one right out of the night and hold it in your palm. He watches, entranced by the way the three moon’s light shimmers across your face, bathing you in a purple silver glow, spilling over your shoulders and across your skin graciously, framing you like a star, a celestial being. His throat feels dry.
“Aye. They are.” You lapse into silence, and he enjoys the feeling of being near you, his magic humming happily in his being, peace settling over him while you watch the stars, transfixed.
“Johnny.” You breathe his name, sweet and syrupy, magic dripping from each syllable. You look a little dazed, exhaustion pulling at your features, and he indulges in a daydream where he kisses your forehead, pressing a hint of power against your skin, wrapping you in a soft cocoon of his magic to comfort you. “I… I’d like to kiss you.” The words break him from his imaginations, and he jerks, pulling away to inspect your face, to see if were alright. Or if you were reading his mind. Or if you had become possessed by some Demon, some evil creature appearing here to make him suffer more than he already was.
But all he sees is his dove. His Fern. His little witch, face soft and open, expectant.
“Would you deny me, Johnny? After everything you’ve done?” You raise an eyebrow, and his heart sings, magic humming along happily, binding trilling in his body. You’re teasing him.
“Ye never have to ask.” The words are the same ones he said on Samhain, and he restrains his movements, keeping his body slow and steady while he leans into you, lowering his mouth to yours, the warmth of your lips against him sending his heart soaring, the intoxicating scent of you, the feel of your magic, the light caress of your fingers against his hip all amplified in this realm, and by the binding that seems to be stitching the two of you together by every moment.
He follows your lead, giving you space when you begin to ease off from him, and explosions rattle his soul as he stares down at you and your cautious smile.
“I love ye, Fern.” Your eyes go wide, and you startle, stepping a half pace away. “I dinnae how to tell ye, after everything. Ah ken, ah… there’s nothing that can be said, to make up for my treachery, for what I did to you.” He can feel the binding, the sailor’s knot tightening around the two of you, dragging you into one another, can feel the distinct signature of your magic, swirling around him, can smell the sweet citrus and blood dipped in balsam that floods his dreams. It’s enough to make his head spin.
“Johnny, this- this is the binding, it’s...” He shakes his head in rebuttal and reaches for your hand.
“I’ve loved ye since the first day I set foot in the shop. I’d burn the realms for ye, Fern.”
“You used me.”
“And ye will never know how I regret it, how I wish I could change it.” Let me love you. Let me hold you. Let me have you. The swell of the tide within him crests, magic churning into an excessive force, the binding burning, screaming, yearning against his lungs, and he pushes and pulls at it, twisting it up into something he struggles to contain. “Break the binding or leave it intact. It won’t change the way I feel.”
“I-“ Your words are snatched from your mouth when you draw a quick breath, bending at the waist, flat of your palm pressed to your belly with a soft groan.
“Fern?” His hand hovers at the small of your back, just above your skin.
“Sorry, I- I just had a cramp, is all.” You straighten, faint grimace sunken into your expression, and he frowns.
“What do ye need?”
“Nothing, I’m just gonna go lay down, I think.” You’re still holding your stomach, and worry froths in his heart, his mind as he watches you wince.
“Ye sure? Do you need-“
“I’m sure.” You wave him off, already turning away. “Goodnight, Johnny.” You murmur over your shoulder.
“Sleep well, little witch.”
The shockwave that ripples through his home in the small hours of the morning startles him from restless sleep. It jolts him into a panic, the binding clawing at his mind, his magic, tugging and pulling him towards something.
Towards you.
“Fern?” He calls, body teetering at the threshold of your room.
Are you dreaming?
Are you ill?
He can smell you from the doorway, balsam and citrus tinged with the scent of sour fruit, distress permeating through the air to where he stands, waiting. Holding his breath for answer.
“Fern.” He tries again, firmly, but you don’t respond, only moan into your pillow, the sound of your pain tearing at his heart until he’s blinkingacross the room, coming to lean over your trembling form, panic hammering inside his skull. “Hey, dove. Are ye with me?” He pulls you towards him, holding your face between his palms. Your eyes are nearly black, pupils so large they dot out your irises, and you thrash in his grip, nails digging into his skin while you cry out.
“Jo-Johnny. Johnny.” You’re sweating, sheets soaked beneath you, and the heat that’s blaring from your skin curdles his stomach.
The binding. The magic. It’s burning you from the inside.
You whimper, and his heart breaks for you, bleeds for you while you bury your nose in his neck, panting heavily.
“I’m here.” He tries to hold you steady, cradling the back of your head in his hand, the sear of your skin far too warm to be comfortable, the effect of the binding boiling in your blood.
You’re suffering. You’re suffering, and it’s his fault. He did this. He caused this.
Ce’s warning echoes sharply in his mind.
“You need to prepare for what is to come, if she cannot reverse it.”
The guilt fissures his heart in two.
“It hurts.” You try to tell him, weakly, and his frustration builds, the magic inside of him compounding, yearning to lash out.
“Ah know, Ah know it does.” The words are little comfort.
“Please. Pl-please make it stop.”
He can’t. He shouldn’t.
“It hu-hurts Johnny. Please. It burns.” You’re breaking apart in front of him. Inconsolable. Desperate. Dying.
“Shhh. ‘ve got ye.” He tries to calm you, holds you tight against him, pressing your body to his but all it does it make you squirm more, make you cry out against him, your voice broken with distress.
“Please! Please-“ you beg, and he slams his eyes shut.
He shouldn’t. He can’t.
But you’re in pain.
You could die.
The binding is heating your body past any measurable sense. You were not made to survive such a thing.
When he looks at you now, he knows his insistence on refusing this is pointless. He is too weak to give you up. He is not strong enough to say no. He has loved you since the day he first laid eyes on you. He would do anything to save you, to keep you alive.
Even if it meant this.
Even if it meant completing the bond the only way he knew how.
“I’m here, I’m here.” He kisses your breastbone, trails his lips down between your breasts, sucking marks into your skin, tasting the salt of your sweat like a dying mortal. “I’m going to make it okay.” He wants to take his time, wants to savor you, wants to have you the way he’s always dreamed about, slow and sweet, taking you apart piece by piece like you deserved.
There’s no time for that now.
“Johnny.” You whimper, something broken in your voice, a desperation unlike he’s ever heard before and it stings.
“Shhh. I’m going to take care of ye.”
A broken moan rises from your throat when he moves your body, shifting you underneath his weight, pinning your hips and teasing his tongue around one your nipples, nipping across you with his teeth just enough to sting your skin, to jolt you.
“I- I need- I want-“ You try to explain it, to direct him, and your magic flourishes forward, your hands gripping onto his shoulders for salvation.
“I know what ye need, Fern. Ah know.” His fingertips stroke over your navel, over where your lower belly tenses under his touch, and then to your cunt, where scorching heat mixes with liquid fire, your body wet and ready for him, desperate for him, magic burning you with arousal, with an undeniable need for him.
“Touch me.” You plead, and his lips find the inside of your thigh, dragging towards where you’re dripping, citrus and blood flooding his senses.
You taste like everything he’s ever dreamed of. Pressure builds up his spine, magic and desire burning like a fuse as he presses his tongue against your clit, and you shiver in his grasp when he lavishes you there.
His palm presses against your belly, holding you firm, muscles and sinew rippling under his touch, your voice peaking with a cry when he swirls around your swollen bud, over and over, working you relentlessly.
“Come for me, come on. Let me make it better, dove.” It won’t, and he knows it, knows only one thing will, but he hopes to the gods it will stave off some of your pain. He rasps against your skin and you keen, rocketing into an orgasm within a moment’s time, sharp and fiery, but only a balm for the burn of the binding, the incessant tugging beneath his ribs humming with miserable bliss over the moan of his name on your lips.
You’re still strung taut, seizing, the heat of your skin blazing against him. You tug fruitlessly at his clothes, fingers knotted up in his shirt, his pants, and he swipes a hand across your cheek to press his thumb against your tongue as he divests himself with one hand and a snap of magic.
His fingers are wet with you, with your spit, your arousal, and he coats himself with it, stroking the length of his cock, kissing the crown to your opening while he stares down at you indulgently.
His Fern. His dove. His little witch.
“Please.” You breathe your plea into him, into his mouth, his skin. “Please, it’s- I need you.” You choke and he pushes, your eyes going wide as he batters his way into your body, the tight clench of your walls strangling him as he moves. “Gods-“ you gasp, and he strokes some hair from your face, lips pressing sweetly to your cheek, your jaw to soothe you, to quiet the discomfort from the stretch.
“I know, I know.” He murmurs, keeping his movements slow and steady, watching how your expression eases, how your body adjusts, how your brows unknit with each passing moment. You relax around him finally, face going slack with bliss as he folds one of your knees back towards your shoulder. “That’s it, good… good girl.” He hums over your ear, before pressing a gentle kiss there. “Take me so well. So perfect.” He needs to fill you, own you, fuck you full and possess every inch of your being. It’s the only way, the only way to soothe your soul, to soothe his own. It’s always been the only way, since the day he saw you. Since the first time he kissed you, in the shadow of Samhain.
His heart flutters, the binding clawing at his power, wrapping itself around your heart, stitching across the bridge between your bodies to reach the other side, encasing itself and him in the warmth of blood magic, of your magic. It only grows stronger as his hips stroke, his body moving inside of yours, gasps of pleasure falling from your lips.
Your muscles clench around him, desperate, and it feels right. Everything feels right, it feels fated, it feels meant to be. Like you were made for him, born for him. You, his equal. You, his balance. He pads over your clit with a press of his fingers, moving against you in time with his thrusts and your power surges to meet his, interweaving until it’s impossible to discern your beginning and his ending.
“I’ve always wanted ye here with me.” He nips along your collarbone, tracing a bead of sweat up the skin of your neck to your jaw. “I broke into the flat, just to watch ye sleep, every night after Samhain.” He punches his sentence with thrust of his cock, brushing against your cervix, and you keen. “I’ve loved ye. Dreamt of ye. I have betrayed ye,” you mumble something, lashes fluttering, and he swallows your words with his mouth before continuing. “and will spend the rest of my existence, our existence, apologizing for my transgressions.” Your body shifts with him, the rhythm he set upon your clit forcing you forward, spine curling you into him, his name a whisper on your lips.
“Johnny, Johnny.”
He fucks into you harder, wild, primal, full of ferocity and you cry out, shuddering beneath him, squeezing around his cock. The urge to fill you, to breed you, is too strong to fight, and the binding croons to him in your voice, spurring him onwards.
“Gods, dove.” His voice is broken song, a plea, and you respond with a melody of your own. “Ye belong to me.” You nod in a daze, lips forming a word that sounds like please. “Going to give ye my come. Keep ye forever.”
“Ye-es.”
“Sweet Fern.” He coos when he feels it, the build of your climax, ushering you along with the press of his body. “My good girl, coming all over my cock. Like ye were made for it.” You hiss, and then your orgasm is washing you away, your voice shouting his name as you come. Your eyes spark, celestial light glittering beneath the black pools that have expanded across your irises, and your fingernails dig into the skin of his shoulder, blood trickling down his chest, slicking between your bodies. It spills and spills, running like a river over the two of you, tracking across your breasts, down his abdomen, across your belly, down your thighs. It flows wildly, freely, rushing from him and towards you, spurred on by your mastery of it, your mastery of him.
You’re spinning him. You’re taking and taking, the binding drinking his magic in greedily, digging and scratching beneath the surface of his chaos, sowing vines that sprout and flourish, that tie him to you. His side of the binding shrieks in glee, in elation, and bends for you, arcing between your bodies to imbue you with cosmic pieces of chaos, a blend of blood and bedlam, boiling in your veins. In his.
Blood continues to gush from his body, his mouth full of you, of citrus and blood, of earth and balsam. You inhale him, pushing your tongue past his teeth, swirling in the mess there, and when you pull away, he can see the stains of ichor on your teeth under the curve your half-moon smile.
Your magic strangles him, strengthening itself, solidifying your power, absorbing what it can of his mayhem. The binding purrs, it sings to him, it sings to you, the sound chiming through his mind, echoing off the hollowed-out coves of the Isle, vibrating through its dark forest. He shouts against it, with it, orgasm just on the peak, both his body and yours trembling violently.
“Mine.” He snaps, and you answer easily.
“Yours.” You nod, burying your face in the crook of his neck. He cradles you there, back of your head in his palm, and then he thrusts up into your body as hard as he can, overcome with need, with the burn of the binding, with love. It’s so much, the pull of the magic, the wildness of your heart seeping into his own, and he spills as deep as he can into your body, filling you with himself, plugging his come deep, your own body sucking him in desperately while you cry and shake in his arms.
His Fern. His dove. His little witch.
Ancient celestial light streams through the curtains, the proof of an entire day passing, the rising of the moons stirring you from where you have slept for the last few hours, body and binding finally sated, skin scrubbed clean from the stain of his blood.
You blink, heavily with exhaustion, and he pulls you into his body, unable to resist cuddling you close, breathing you in and wrapping an arm around your back to still you when you start to fidget. You smell different now, like a swirling storm of him and you, and his free hand drifts to your navel possessively.
“Johnny.” You murmur, and he answers by pressing a kiss to your forehead.
“I’m here.” He whispers. “Ye can rest dove. It’s okay.” You settle against him, and just as he’s starting to drift into his own star lit slumber, you sigh.
“You should start makin’ a list.”
“Of what?” You kiss his chest, lips soft against his skin.
“Of all the things,” you yawn, breath hot and sweet, and he wants to drag his tongue over your skin again, take you apart while he savors every tremble, every moan that leaves your body. “you’re going to do over the next hundred years to make it up to me.”
“One hundred years?” he chuckles in jest, but his heart soars.
He knows, there is more hardship to come. He knows, the pain, the suffering, that you will experience, that you will unleash on the mortal realm, on him, when you learn the truth about your parents, about your coven. He knows the challenge ahead.
But in this quiet moment, with you in his arms, nothing about it feels like the end.
Only the beginning.
“Careful." you breathe into him. "Or I’ll make it two.”
#peaches writes#which witch#john soap mactavish#fae au#johnny soap mactavish#john soap mactavish x reader#fae!johnny#john soap mactavish x you#fae!au#john soap mctavish x reader#johnny soap mctavish x reader#cod x reader#fae!soap#soap mactavish#soap mw2#magic!au#magic au
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I need to let you guys in on some knowledge ok.
if you want donuts. Buy yourself a tube of biscuit dough and separate it out and use a cookie cutter to cut out the centers (or just tear a hole with your thumb. become ungovernable). Get yourself a good sized pot with about an inch or two of your favorite flavorless oil. Make sure it has a lid (let's not start grease fires).
Heat it up on medium or medium low, depending on how hot your stove is. Then fry yourself some donuts. they are so fluffy it feels like it should be illegal. then roll them in powdered sugar or cinnamon sugar or make yourself a glaze with a bit of milk + powdered sugar + flavoring. you can be responsible and let them cool down or you can do what i did and hoover them straight into my mouth sizzling hot. way too many. im so full of fried bread.
it's like a couple bucks and the cost of feeling like you've seen god. it's so good. you get so many donuts and u can fry the donut holes too. You're unstoppable.
#help i ate way too many donuts#ough#but im passing it on to you with love <3 <3 <3#i'll be back on blorboposting when im not in a donut coma#it only took me a couple of minutes to fry up almost a dozen donuts
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🧧💊👹Paper Talismans in Relation to Kusuriuri and Hyper's Evolving Powers
The paper talisman's primary function is to detect and ward off mononoke. Kusuriuri and Hyper have the unique ability to telekinetically manipulate them. Let's break down that ability further.
Manually sticking them to surfaces one by one is rather tedious and I bet less initiated medicine sellers may need to resort to that tactic.
Buckle in, this is gonna be another long one. (I nearly maxed out the 30-image upload limit)
Part 1: Talisman Deployment
Kusuriuri is capable of deploying multiple talisman at once. Though, in his early Bakeneko days there's no rhyme or reason in his arrangements.
At least he has enough precision to accidentally stick the talismans on the humans. Though he should really work on his tact.
Hyper doesn't deploy talismans in this arc, but he does summon a shield created from his golden markings which has a similar warding properties to the talisman. Not to mention, it uses the same sound effects as activated talisman if you listen closely.
From a meta animation production standpoint, making Hyper have the same talisman-deploying abilities as Kusuriuri instead of his own unique shielding abilities is more efficient and narratively consistent.
For a lore standpoint, this leads me to believe that there's a connection between the Hyper's golden markings, Kusuriuri's crimson ones, and the red glyphs upon the paper talisman.
Later, in the Umibozu and Nue arcs, Kusuriuri deploys them in a less wasteful manner. Note how they no longer overlap one another.
Tact is still not his strong suit.
Hyper once again doesn't use talisman in Umibozu, but in Nue he finally takes a page (heh, paper puns) from Kusuriuri's books. To illustrate his raw, yet controlled power, these talisman are nigh impenetrable by the Nue, and are manipulated into an organized grid-like enclosure floating in thin air which only the exorcism sword can destroy:
Naughty mononoke go into the exorcism box
In the Zashikiwarashi arc, which in the manga adaptation implies takes place after Umi Bozu, takes this precision even further.
Note how Kusuriuri brandishes them in this iconic (and marketable) pose and how they're arranged in a neat row instead of an ungovernable masses on the walls:
Hmm, the innkeeper and her assistant may be freaking out, but at least Shino (the person he's protecting) isn't. Character development, hooray!!
Although he has the capability to deploy more of them, he's now internalizing the economical "less is more" method.
It is not to say he's incapable of deploying huge amounts of them. In the Nopperabou arc, he is capable of:
1. Deploying not one, but eight rings of talisman at once:
2. Wrapping the talisman around an organically shaped object (the fox mask):
3. Constructing an entire-ass enclosure out of thousands of them - without using walls or other flat surfaces as scaffolding.
That's an insane amount of control. I'm actually a little sad that we don't get to see an evolution of Kusuriuri's ability in the final Bakeneko arc.
Hyper does technically deploy them at the very end. At first glance, it doesn't seem to be a creative improvement of his abilities. He's able to deploy large amounts of them in two neat sheets to ward off the Bakeneko's angry foot stomp, big whoop:
It almost did not occur to me that these talismans are deployed not in the mortal realm, but in the metaphysical domain of the Bakeneko. Although Hyper's not nearly as creative a Kusuriuri in using the talisman, that's one hell of a level-up.
Part 2: Object Manipulation
A less commonly discussed ability is that these talisman act as an extension of Kusuriuri. Objects with talisman adhered to them can also be telekinetically manipulated by him. A classic example of this is the fusuma screens from the first Bakeneko arc and Nue arc.
Sliding screens are relatively lightweight objects to manipulate. But the paper talisman - and by extension Kusuriuri - are capable of manipulating much heavier objects. Case in point, the barnacle-encrusted lid of the utsuro-bune in Umibozu which the combined efforts of most of the humans on the ship were unable to crack open:
So far, only Kusuriuri has leveraged this object manipulation ability. This makes sense, since he's connected to the physical human world while Hyper deals with the metaphysical one. But if Hyper does eventually use this ability, the implications are pretty damn massive.
If Kusuriuri's strength is enhanced from his normal white talisman, what would Hyper be capable of? In a pinch, if, say, the exorcism sword is knocked out of his grasp, could he then deploy some talisman to yeet a building, nay, an entire-ass mountain at a mononoke? The possibilities of badassery are endless!
Part 3: Manipulation of Sentient Entities (!?!)
Note that I did not say "humans"
In theory, it can be quite the useful ability. Stick a talisman on a human. If a mononoke stalks near them, it is repelled. If they wander into harm's way, you can yoink them to safety. If they try to attack or restrain you, you can yeet them so hard that they fly Team-Rocket style into the sunset.
Self-agency morality implications aside, I think there's a good reason why Kusuriuri takes care not to plaster talisman all over a human's body.
Consider the talisman's stuck on Shino's pregnant belly in the Zashikiwarashi arc. Look what happens to Shino when she removes a single seal:
When the seal's protective properties are activated, removing it abruptly takes a dangerous toll on a sentient entity.
Shino was "lucky". She was not the direct subject of the talisman's protection; the mononoke living within her was. Yes, not her unborn child. A mononoke, whose creation were the twin triggers of the potent emotions of the Zashikiwarashi residing in the former brothel and Shino's fear of not being able give birth to her unborn child. A mononoke which she met and bonded with prior to Kusuriuri sticking the seal on her:
Even before the seal was removed I believe the seal was already tearing Shino's Zashikiwarashi apart from the inside. It is simultaneously trying to ward it off from Shino's body and "protect" it from the Zashikiwarashi existing outside of the womb. This is why, despite her apparent "miscarriage" of the Zashikiwarashi, her actual child seemed alive and well at the end of the story arc:
I'm pretty sure if she didn't misplace the good luck doll around her wrist, she wouldn't have been infected by a mononoke in the first place. But then the assassin would have killed her and her child so I guess this traumatic mononoke encounter was her best case scenario?
If applying a seal indirectly to a Mononoke can kill it, what toll would it take if the object of its protections is a human body?
I believe that originally, the seal's protective properties are derived from small but potent fragments of the Medicine Seller's influence. When that influence is destroyed by a mononoke, the seals disintegrate:
Since this Kusuriuri is aligned with wood (see my theory regarding eye colors and elemental alignments here), I think the destruction of his influence manifesting as paper burning to cinders is apt.
However, when applied to a sentient being, I theorize that the seal begins sapping that being's life force to sustain itself. If that being remains in constant danger, a negative feedback loop forms and the talisman becomes increasingly parasitic in nature.
There's also one more incredibly obvious example of this. Remember how I said in the beginning of this analysis, that "there's a connection between the Hyper's golden markings, Kusuriuri's crimson ones, and the red glyphs upon the paper talisman?"
What are Kusuriuri and Hyper, if not the paper talismans in humanoid form? The talisman's abilities, after all, are an extension of their powers.
And when Kusuriuri, this humanoid talisman, seeks to protect the (mostly undeserving) humans in the first Bakeneko arc...
Yeah, he's not doing too hot. I think this equates to the state of the talisman when the glyphs become dyed blood red to ward off the the mononoke.
And when he further overextends himself...
If he didn't stop shortly after this, I think the damage would go far beyond the rupturing of superficial vessels and rapidly coagulating blood dribbling like tar out of aforementioned vessels.
What if those blood clots start forming in his lungs? His heart? His brain?? This is a very, very dangerous line for him to walk which could result in irreparable damage to his.
I theorize that if it ever gets to that point, the markings emblazoned on his face will spread like bruises and envelope his failing body - similar to how the paper talisman turns fully dark crimson before dissolving.
Kusuriuri's desire to protect these humans is destroying his body. Paper talismans would sooner disintegrate into a pulpy mess than allow the objects of their protection to be harmed a moment sooner. Thankfully, our medicine seller knows when to give up.
This is why after the first Bakeneko arc, we don't see Kusuriuri overextend himself like this again. Seeing his partner go through this near-fatal ordeal, I can also understand why Hyper decides not to use his built-in shield too.
They found creative ways to use those paper talismans, which are a less risky way of offering similar, albeit less potent protections. The tradeoff is worth it. After all, they can't continue to sleuth and slay mononoke if their bodies are permanently out of commission.
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