#no it has to be fucking bullshit shitty ass fucking stupid god damn BEFORE THE FUCKING DAWN

[howlingday]

Hey I need your help. Why does Sun leave his team so much? I think it's played off as quirky in the show but it just bugs me so much. Like to me even as nice as he is he's still not their as he should be. Like if I'm supposed to relie on someone but they just do what they want how am supposed to trust them period? Am I reading too much into it?

They actually covered this "Before the Dawn".

Sun just kinda goes where he wants and barely lets his team know anything. He's been doing it since day one, too. He arrived at Beacon ahead of his team, then left them again to chase after Blake, and then it's all brought up in "Before the Dawn" for about 500 pages, because that's Sun's only character trait.

Honestly, I prefer it as the quirky show version than the book version that endlessly harps on it as a bad character trait and you should hate Sun for leaving his team all the team and he's a bad character because he's bad. Instead of, "Oh, there goes Sun again. Least he could do is tell us in person."

Honestly, now that I think about it, the main inspiration for this is his allusion of the legendary Sun Wu Kong from epic story of Journey to the West. The Monkey King would always run off to do, well, whatever. Honestly, the only thing keeping him in check is the crown on his head that tightens whenever Tripitaka utters a prayer.

As for why? Well, your guess is as good as mine. Like I said, I'd prefer to think of it as a character quirk instead of a thousand word essay on why Sun Wukong is a bad character in a book that made NOBODY look good.

[slapjacq]

I am ill. Not okay. I’ve cried and thrown a tissue box at the wall. Then proceeded to scream at said wall for twenty minutes. Yes I am melodramatic, no I don’t care. I am still in therapy for a reason. Nevertheless, this episode was bonkers, off the wall batshit insane. Like genuinely so good that it almost adds to the tragedy of it all.

Here are my immediate and unfiltered thoughts from my post episode freak out that I have to put somewhere because if I don’t, I will, in fact, explode.

Warning: spoilers up the wazoo, a lot of profanity

First and foremost: Daniel, old Maniel, I can count on you to always keep it a buck, and for that I thank you.

Armand you piece of fucking shit I swear on everything that is holy, you are no longer babygirl, you bitch ass hoe, go stick that fucking doe eyed face up someone else ass you stupid fucking piece of shit. “i cOULD nOt pReVEnt iT” FUCK YOU MEAN YOU COULDNT PREVENT IT YOURE 500 YEARS OLD, YOU SOLD THEM OUT TO BEGIN WITH. YOU STOP TIME, CAN CONTROL BODIES, PLANT IDEAS INTO PEOPLE HEADS, READ PEOPLES MINDS AND THE BITTY BABY VAMPIRE ARMAND COULDNT DO ANYTHIGN ABOUT IT? SUCK MY DICK AND KISS ME MERRY GO TRH THAG SHIT ELSEWHERE (shout out Assad for really giving his all with the whole puppy dog eyes this entire episode 10/10 would fall for them if not the circumstances). I can’t believe I actually was defending this dude a few episodes ago, I literally can’t defend anything else from here moving forward.

Claudia and Madeline deserve to watch these assholes burn and the fact they died such painful deaths should warrant the gods to set the sky alight with constellations of their love. They were allowed NOTHING but a small taste of happiness before it was shredded away from them. No one is EVER gonna villainize them, not to me, not ever. Roxanne absolutely was incredible, and Delainey, in the coming future, better up there as an A-list actor because she has been that astoundingly good. (That goes for everyone here honestly, but Delainey and Roxanne really deserve their flowers here).

Santiago has a special place in hell. I simply cannot wait to watch him die. Decapitation is too kind for him, put him through pain and fury before sending him to hell. Ben Daniels you son of a bitch you played the villain so well. I damn near jumped through the screen when he began to read Claudia’s diaries with a shitty NOLA accent, I have never been so livid in my life.

The rest of Theatre: “All of you motherfuckers, fuck you, die slow.” -Tupac Shakur

Louis GET UP LEAVE YOUR WIFE DUDE YOU KNOW ITS BULLSHIT and honestly I’m not even going to rag on him this episode because the poor man has gone through too much. Jacob was absolutely brilliant in all of this, and honestly I literally will never stop talking about the performances in this show. Regardless, the upcoming rage is justified and I when get to watch him massacre these assholes, I will cackle with the same glee a schoolboy has after he disintegrates ants with a magnifying glass.

And finally Lestat. He rose on the third day and served cunt and made me ball like the mommy issues toting bitch I am. Sam, my man, you knocked it out of the fucking ballpark. Magnificent. Lestat, fucking bastard. You messy bitch. When you get out of whatever the Theatre is doing to you big man, I better see you read Armand to filth. I better see the same from the other. They both deserve to be dragged to hell and back.

Also Daniel Hart is a genius, just really fills your soul with dread this entire episode, I mean the score was filthy, vivid, and hauntingly gorgeous. The violins at the beginning were nasty work and had me fully hypnotized for the entire 50 minutes.

SFX is killing it, everytime, making it all believable and absolutely the worst someone could imagine it to be. I full body contorted at the sight of the sliced ankles.

Shoutout costume department also did its thing. Santiago’s costume was top tier camp. And Lestat’s suit was absolutely everything. Gender envy 11/10.

I could sit here all day and go on about how all the cast and crew did a fucking fantastic job. Like you can really tell they put their heart and soul into this episode.

I mean dear god I’m going to be in shambles for the next two years this episode was insane.

[raccoonspooky]

Cursed Domestic Bo Sinclair Headcanons: (Slight NSFW, nothing explicit)

He’s really into ham and cheese sandwiches. Which is fine, but he likes an ungodly amount of mayo. It gushes out the side of the damned bread, it gets on his fingers, and watching him eat his lunch is somehow more horrifying than anything else you’ve so far seen in Ambrose. If you dare to question his sandwich habits, he will be completely offended and will also berate you over your apparent desire for dry sandwiches. 

Come to think of it, you’re not sure when was the last time you saw him eat a vegetable? The thought is disturbing as it is worrying. You want to cook him something but you’re also afraid of his picky eating habits. 

One day he’s mid-rant about some bullshit that’s got his panties in a twist and he pauses to open the fridge, grab a jar of pickles, unscrew that shit and take a fucking swig of the juice. He leaves it open on the counter and you seriously consider just how strong your stockholm syndrome is. Maybe if you ran right now you’d get a good ten feet of distance before he caught you?

More stupid under the cut!

Laundry day is entirely too infrequent considering the nasty shit he gets up to. Until you were brave enough to start doing some chores around the house, you once noted that Bo wore the same pair of jeans for two weeks straight. When he took them off they pretty much held their shape as if he was still wearing them. You felt a part of your soul die when realizing that you definitely had been straddling his lap a few days ago, grinding down on him while he was wearing those god-awful nasty ass pants.

You’re sort of mad about having to do his laundry, because all of a sudden you’re doing Vincent’s laundry as well, and it's like you’ve strongarmed your way into being the Sinclairs' goddamned maid because you couldn’t stand the idea of Bo’s filthy clothing stinking up the fucking house. 

You fear the day that Lester starts bringing his laundry to the house as well. 

Maybe running away and taking your chances doesn’t sound that bad. 

Sleeping next to him has its ups and downs. Sometimes he’s a clingy cuddler, and you remember all the reasons you’re so attached to him. He makes you feel special, you love the quiet moments when he lets the whole tough guy act down. Sometimes the way he touches you feels performative, like he’s rough and he’s making a point to go out of his way to behave like jerk because he wants to remind you of your place. He can't showboat in his sleep and the way he holds you when his brain’s turned off always feels more genuine. 

For every night that you’re given the grace of comfort, there’s a frustrating sequence of incoming nights where he’ll roll over, facing away from you while taking up ninety percent of the bed. He takes whatever blankets there are and if you’re lucky you’ll get a flat, horrible pillow with a yellowed pillowcase. It’s gross but it smells like him.

You might have to pilfer a blanket from somewhere else, but he grumbles in his sleep if you move too much.

Whatever god-awful instinct he has to keep you doesn’t turn off in his sleep. If he’s having an anti-cuddle night, he’ll grab your wrist or grab you by the hair if he’s really feeling like a jerk just to keep you from moving around. You’d find the clinginess cute if not for the fact that you feel like you’re going to fall off the bed and the measly half-inch thick slab of fabric at your head barely holds any recollection of the fact that its supposed to be a pillow.

You’ve learned not to bother him when he seems averse to touch. Sometimes you watch him sleep in the early mornings and there’s always a definitive moment where the peace on his face turns hard and it's like he puts on this mask of whatever shitty attitude he feels like wearing for the day.

If you’re lucky he’ll let you kiss him when he’s a little more awake. He’ll be soft with you for approximately ten minutes because god forbid he let you get the dumbass notion that he might love you. No. He’s going to kiss you until your breathless and then he’s going to insinuate you should really do something about his morning wood and it ain't nice to get him all worked up if you’re not planning to do something about it

It’s like he has some kind of supernatural sense of knowing when it comes to your happiness and he has to up his asshole meter to keep you from getting your head too lost in the clouds. It’s like once you’re just about feeling all stupid and full of daisies and butterflies then the hairs at the back of his neck start feeling funny and then he’ll have to behave like a jerk for a few days just to keep your infatuation with him at a low simmer. 

He’s got one of those classic oil-can banjos in the house. It’s a downright statement piece when it comes to his whole hick vibe going on. You’re not sure where it came from. You’re not sure if he gets the irony in the fact that he owns that fucking thing.

Can he play it though? No. Does he plunk away at it at random intervals with some kind of annoying mockery of a song? Yes. All the time. He likes having something to do with his hands. He’ll pull at strings, playing the same notes over and over. If you know some basic fingerpicking or chords he might be enthused with your know-how but he’s not interested in letting you teach him.

There's a guitar in the house. Its neck is a little fucked, but you wonder if you can fix it up for him? Maybe he’s better with it than the damned banjo. 

Once, you found a bunch of old board games in the house. Somehow Bo made shoots and fucking ladders a miserable experience and you weren’t even sure how he managed to cheat but you’ll swear on your life that he goddamned did. It was a struggle and a half to even get him to entertain the idea of playing a board game with you and then he had to go ahead and ruin it.

It’s entirely easy to convince Lester to play a game with you. You play stupid board games in secret because not only is Bo a sore loser, but he’s sort of shit at remembering the rules for more complicated games. He’s no fun to play with. 

Monopoly is now banned entirely from the house.

They have an ancient NES system, likely pilfered from a victim’s car. Maybe some college kid who never made it to their dorm. Bo’s oddly good at duck hunt and he makes you watch him play. You’re almost jealous of the damned game because he’s never looked at you with genuinely excited joy. His juvenile happiness is cute though, but sometimes you worry about him punching the damned tv with his post-game euphoria found in murdering pixelated ducks.

I  could go on but I need to forcibly shut myself up.

I dedicate this nonsense to @ventiswampwater because she mentioned the pickle thing the other day and literally I cannot stop laughing about it. It paints such a fucking picture.

[rametarin]

It never fails.

The same pinhead, ignorant pieces of shit that ask, "Well why don't you just move out? :^)" when I complain about my abusive living situation, are usually the same stupid jackasses that whine and complain about how their lives are near to collapsing due to poverty. And they have a 9-5 and a place to live that isn't a breadbox surrounded by desperate crackheads living off the state that tend to snatch up anything that isn't nailed down or syphon gasoline out of their neighbors cars.

Hey, fuckheads: You had a hell of an easier start than I did. I have parents that did everything they could to either destroy my future and turn me into a piece of digestive bacteria for their own shitty lives, or ensure if I tried to leave I'd enter a tailspin and wind up face first in the gutter. Unlike you, whom had the freedom or at least the peace to make at least one fuckup and get help for it, or the peace to go to school and rack up your mad assed debts. I had none. I was saddled with a family that took fetishistic pleasure in diving head first into problems and laughing as they made me try to pull us out, knowing that it was put up with their bullshit or do everything myself, with not even a HOPE of an advantage from family to help me.

It was a hope that turned toxic when it became clear these disgusting wretches just wanted me around as an accessory and someone to boss around, for fun and profit.

Unlike you, whom had help. Even if your experiences weren't ideal, they were a fuckload more helpful than mine, that are nothing but a detriment that keep me alive purely just to threaten me with police if I don't do exactly what they want on any given day.

You had the LUXURY to make mistakes and "find yourself" or some other worthless bullshit before whatever you do for your subsistence job now. I never did. From the fucking getgo my single mom wanted me to buy HER a car when I was a teenager, strap myself to the cost of it, still be told it wasn't mine so I could only drive it where, why and how she wanted, and effectively just make myself her chauffeur while having none of the freedom or enjoyment out of the experience whatsoever. Couldn't even use it to go on dates or visit anyone, just be told to go pay the gas pick her up more fat bitch foods in a task that does nothing but add miles to the car, and deal with it or go live in the fucking planned obsolescent rust bucket piece of shit with no family, no savings, no future.

Some of you worthless fucks were BOUGHT CARS when you were teenagers. I was told I'd have to buy my mother a car and then be told when and where to drive it.

People struggling to exist after they had a head start, lecturing me on how I should just "go live in a homeless shelter" to improve my life. Yeah, thanks, you worthless sack of shit. I want to spend the next 15 years trying to somehow advance my life making minimum wage at 40 god damned years old. Meanwhile you're whining about how expensive gas and food is and you're making substantially more than I would be or will be in a decade. Fuck you.

Complain about being abused by your mother and your shitty situation, and you more or less get told, "it's your own fault." Because god knows among capital P Progressives, it's only men that can be abusive and the abuse is through size and violence. But your mother threatening to call police and accuse domestic violence in the absolute absence of anything but her complete and total uncontested control over your life? That's normal and fine and hey maybe you should consider just go living in a garbage can from square-zero. :^) If you want to complain about abuse, it has to be because your family (preferably, male family member) is either being violent or sexual. It's unacceptable to complain if your mother is deliberately sabotaging your financial life or independence, because that means women can be guilty of shit and it form a pattern that points to women abusing the system. And as the biggest supporters of, "social justice," are women, that's verboten. You're not allowed to pin responsibility for this kind of abuse on women. The path of least resistance is to just tell men to go live in a fucking hole in the ground and also if they could also keep throwing money at their women (not just female) family members that'd be great ackshully.

[izzy-b-hands]

...a cruise ship AU feels too easy. but it also feels like it would be really fucking funny bc like. okay. modern day stede motherfucking bonnet dropped a stupid amount of money

on.

a.

cruise ship!!! Just one!!! Not shares for a cruise ship company or builder, not getting a job at one such place no!!!

motherfucker bought the damn boat. AND has convinced ppl to work with and for him. including industry veteran Izzy, who much like Buttons (other industry vet) presumes he'll die at sea and be tossed into the waves via the end of the big water slide at the main deck area.

Like. You need conflict, just one big un, but like. everything and everyone are his conflicts here. Cruise ships fuck up and do more damage to areas they stop near or by than any tourist money they pull in for those spots. Hated. Other cruise ship companies watching Bonnet and Co (lets say Badminton Boats B-Unlimited for fun) somehow scoop up their most loyal customers. Hated and it is On Sight, Bonnet. Nigel is in his sensible khaki cruise shorts and pearly white socks and crocs and he WILL get one shitty punch in before Izzy jumps in and just. lets out some deeply repressed job related aggression

Which one do I even start or stick with?! This is Stede somehow making even worse decisions than one might think possible. He can only make it worse if he agrees to cater to the 1% or something (and I don't feel like writing that, so he won't lmao, besides everyone would absolutely mutiny and kill his ass if he tried it, as they should)

God. The uniforms. The questionable buffets (Roach does his best but like. Look. Look him in the eyes. Cruise ship life is Tough, and he's doing his fucking best.) The inevitable actual big deal emergency that would bring everyone together briefly before some other absolutely stupid bullshit stomps in alongside it.

it's so stupid. It's so good tho.

[hanji-is-life]

How do you feel about mean dilf bakugou w. Dummy thick reader ??

Honey, if I’m being honest...

I genuinely get so excited whenever I see you ask something LMFAOOOO I’m like this bitch is about to have me obsessed over whatever she suggests for days!!

Cw: spanking, choking, use of the term Daddy

But, oh god, he’s such a mean old man! You always hear from his friends about how much Bakugou liked to tease and fuck with people—I mean he still does, but they say it’s not as bad as he used to be—so you can’t help it! You’ll poke and tease with him, just to see how he’ll respond back.

It’s usually quips, mean little remarks that make you shut your mouth and pout until he apologizes with a new purse or shoes. But you’re back on your bullshit by the next week, teasing and picking until one day, he just explodes.

It’s cold out. He’s in his early 40s and has a hard body after years of hero work. He’s old, okay, and the cold makes his old bones a little rickety. Cut him some slack, shit!

You’re in bed playing on your phone when Bakugou walks in. He’s scowling, a hand on his lower back, grunts slightly when he bends over to pick up one of your stray heels. He opens his mouth to scold you for it, when you beat him to the punch.

“Damn, old man. Cant even bend over without making allat noise, huh?” You smirk, glancing up at him above your phone. He pauses, still slightly bent over as his ruby red eyes cut at you quickly. Being the dumb little girl you are, you continue.

“Might have to trade you in for a younger guy soon, huh? Next thing you know, you won’t even be able to get it u—”

That old man moves a lot faster than you expect him to. Your phone is smacked out of your hands, his own warm ones wrapped around your throat, the other pinning your wrists, his thighs caging you in. You can only open your mouth to gasp when he’s growling down at you, eyes aflame and irritated.

“I’m sick of your shit.” He snaps down at you, teeth bared. “You and that smart fucking mouth, you’re nothing but a spoiled fucking brat. I’ve been trying to be nice, princess, but I’m tired of it.”

Bakugou shakes your neck slightly, gripping a little harder and laughing at the way you choke. You can feel his bulge against your thigh as he towers over you, whispers against your gaping lips,

“And no, you won’t be getting another useless fucking purse or shitty designer jeans your ass is just gonna bust out of, after this.” His words make you whimper, eyes already glossing up as you pout your bottom lip. He doesn’t even bat an eye at your attempt to dissuade him from punishing you.

You’re over his knee in a second. It’s embarrassing, someone as big as you being spanked so petulantly, mocking you as if you were a child. Bakugou only laughs at every cry, every hiccup, every sob, never easing up on his slaps. His thick palms, thickened after years of quirk use, feel so heavy and hard against your plump ass, even the extra fat there doesn’t soften the impact.

“Bad fucking girl, princess. Think someone’s gonna want your stupid, bratty ass?”

“They’ll only want to fuck this fat ass, these pretty little thighs, but that’s it. No ones ever gonna spoil you like I do.”

“And that’s the fucking problem! I spoiled your ass! Even when you were being a spoiled, dumb little fucking brat, I rewarded that shit because of your stupid cute face and nice little body and fuck—”

You can’t help the wobbly smile at his confession. His spanks slow down as you look at him over your shoulder. You think his resolve is cracking at the soft eyes he gives you, before that same sneer is on his lips in an instant. He uses one hand to slam your face back down into the mattress and starts reigning slap after slap against your bruising ass.

“Don’t give me those eyes, princess, it’s not gonna work.” He growls, sounds like he doesn’t even believe himself. You wriggle and squirm in his lap, sobbing apologies as the spanks seem never ending, now traveling down to the backs of your thighs.

“Don’t be sorry now, smart mouth. You’re nothing but a little girl with a fat ass that needs to learn her fucking place. Ya understand me?” Bakugou snarls, grabbing mean handfuls of your ass, making you squeal and fight to get off of his lap.

“Tell me you understand, or you’re not getting shit for your birthday.” You know he’s bluffing, knows he would never let his pretty princess go without on her birthday, but you nod anyway, whimper.

“Y-yes, daddy, I understand!”

“Good.” He says, rubbing soothing circles on your sore ass. You’re still sobbing, eyes leaking like a faucet as Bakugou pulls you up to settle in his lap. You wrap your arms around his thick neck, cry your apologies for being so mean to him, let him coo and soothe your raw ass with a heated palm.

When your crying finally trickles down into soft whimpers, the rubbing slides down between your legs, plays with the hem of your panties. You grunt, pull away to look up at Bakugou, watch the way his eyes scan over your face as he bites his lip.

“Daddy?” You ask. “What are you...” you taper off when thick fingers find your clit through your panties. Bakugou smirks, swipe away your tears with his tongue. He speaks gruffly against your cheek,

“Your punishments not over yet, princess. This is for the weeks you’ve been fucking with me. Be a good girl and take it, yeah?”

You can only nod, sob softly, and let your Daddy punish you for being so mean to him. You deserve every slap, every name, every painful orgasm. As long as it’s from him, you’ll take whatever he gives you.

[jjkyaoi]

scoots in here. hello.

before i start this off i’d just like to say that mcc was great—watched pink parrots pov, had the time of my life but i’m an inniter and first and foremost i’m gonna say that tommy popped off god bless—but unfortunately, like everything in this fandom, theres some stupid ass cunts that have to make everything worse for everyone else around them because they’re bitter about a certain thing. i’m referring to twitter and twitter exclusively.

we all know that ace race was kind of bullshit, right? like, nobody knew where they were going, everyone got lost and it was kind of unfair because nobody had the advantage—except for scott, who had tested the map beforehand and knew which way to go, but apparently nobody thought that the people who participated in mcc would get lost, and of course it’s frustrating, and yes it shouldn’t have happened—the instructions should’ve been clearer, yes criticism and frustration is valid but also there’s a fine fucking line between criticism and just being intentionally malicious to scott just because you’re bitter. and, unfortunately—like they always do—twitter has chose the latter option and have decided instead of getting fucking over it because it’s a god damn block game, they’re going to talk shit about scott, call him the f-slur in qrts, impersonate him and say shitty things to make him look bad, and everybody’s personal favorite /s, digging into his past and revealing his controversial tweets that multiple minorities have said they’re uncomfortable with people doing, just because they’re bitter because of some stupid mini game in a minecraft. fucking. tournament. it’s so fucking immature. there isn’t any need for y’all to be calling him slurs, impersonating him and saying horrible shit to make him look bad, and there’s no fucking need to dig into his past and reveal shit about him because if that isn’t the most performative thing i’ve ever fucking seen then i don’t know what is. that really shows that y’all don’t give a damn about minorities in ur community—that you only look for drama on purpose for somebody you don’t like, not because you care about the people who it affect: do you realize that you’re personally digging up shit that could harm multiple people with no other reason than you’re bitter? than you hold a grudge? it’s fucking minecraft. it. is. minecraft. it’s a video game that people download and these ccs are all friends and it isn’t the end of the fucking world when people lose in a fucking tournament—it isn’t as big of a deal as any of you whiny fucking babies are making it out to be, i guarantee you if your cc saw you calling one of their friends slurs in their qrts they wouldn’t think you were doing something right they would think you’re an asshole, which you fucking are. go fucking outside. touch grass you insolent cunts for the love of god i’m begging you, it’s fucking. minecraft. dedicate this energy to actually helping the people in ur community and donating to important causes and, maybe, i don’t know! focus on the people that are getting targeted and killed because if shit they can’t control rather than the fact that your ccs lost in a minecraft tournament. y’all disgust me. go fucking talk to real people, get some social interaction, you’re an embarrassment to this fandom if you’re doing shit like that. gn everybody

[jar-of-ectoplasm]

Beach Trip Headcanons: La Squadra

a/n: it's getting warmer where i live which is horrible and i hate it but it gave me some inspo here's some bullshit

Genre/Warnings: Crack, fluff, just some cute shit, polyamory (sorlato), a LOT of simping omfg

~Risotto Nero~

-he already had his tits out on the regular so his bare chest isn't anything new but he lost that stupid hat so it wouldn't get wet and now you can stare at hat-less riz

-doesn't get in the water too often but he definitely goes underwater to grab your legs and scare you (he does it to ghiaccio and melone too; melone screams at the top of his lungs and ghiaccio fails around like he's drowning)

-spends most of his time under the parasols with illuso and prosciutto, just chatting and watching you mess around with your teammates (and maybe checking you out while he's at it)

-lowkey starts to get jealous if he thinks melone or formaggio are gettin' too friendly with you (god help any random person that flirts with you)

-Riz makes damn sure both you and him are very well saturated (?? does that sound weird) with sunscreen. there's no way in hell either of you will be suffering through that

~Prosciutto~

-you thought you were going to the beach with your boyfriend? lmfao nah you're at the beach with mom and your rowdy ass siblings now

-came in clutch with the sunscreen, aloe vera ointment, snacks, water and spending money. has a very nice set up under a parasol with illuso (and you, if you'd like to join him in his relaxation/parenting session)

-pros with his hair down, shirtless and wearing a pair of pineapple swim trunks to match with pesci? out in public? a lot more likely than you'd think

-formaggio would be a prick and dump water on his hair and now you get to see prosciutto with his hair wet fUCK (pros would be FUMING but he'd look so GOOD)

-would read to you but he doesn't want to risk getting any of his fav books wet so he'd just tell you wonderful stories of the team before you joined (most of them are embarrassing for everyone but him)

~Pesci~

-literally he's having the time of his LIFE right now. he's completely protected from the sun (thanks mamma pros), he's goin' fishing, he's got his s/o with him, what more could a boy ask for?

-maybe he should've asked formaggio to not throw sand at him every 10 minutes because that is happening for sure, no matter how much prosciutto yells at him to stop pesci will not be left alone

-is in the water like, 70% of the time. he'll make bets with ghiaccio to see who can swim out the farthest and ghia is surprisingly not mad when he loses

-he'll walk off the beach with just you to get ice cream and it's honestly really fucking cute (he gets strawberry, btw)

-pesci really likes picking you up and tossing you into the water. he's secretly a little bastard and will laugh at you while helping you up

~Illuso~

-jesus the entire day with him is just 🙄. he's such a little bitch about EVERYTHING

-won't go in the water at all and carries a compact mirror with him so he has an escape plan in case formaggio decides to fuck with him. salt water damages your hair and there's no possible fucking way he's risking his scalp just for a little fun

-still insisted on wearing swim trunks and going shirtless though, mostly just to have your undivided attention (as if he didn't already force you to pay attention to him enough)

-sitting under parasols with prosciutto because he's pale and has sensitive skin but he still ends up getting sunburned and won't stop complaining

-you guys did have a cute little moment when the sun was starting to set and he dragged you away from everyone so he could look for sea glass with you (totally wasn't an excuse to hold your hand while he was dragging you around)

~Formaggio~

-spends the entire day being a little rat bastard and making almost everyone wish he was dead (he respects risotto too much and sorbet and gelato scare him so he leaves them alone)

-throwing sand at pesci and melone, pouring water on prosciutto, stealing melone's goggles, chasing illuso into the mirror world, straight up throwing ghiaccio's car keys across the beach

-and of course he's gonna drag you into this. even if you just wanted to have a nice beach day with your asshole boyfriend, he's gonna hold you captive during his shenanigans

-can and will wipe his sweat on you. he thinks it's the funniest thing in the world. please throw seaweed at him in retaliation, he thinks it's nasty as fuck

-leaves the beach early so he can treat you to dinner, both as a thank you for dealing with his bullshit all day and as an apology for wiping sweat on you every 30 minutes

~Ghiaccio~

-the most unrecognizable when he's as the beach with everybody. his hair isn't styled, so his curls are a lot looser and not plastered to his head, he's not wearing his glasses so they don't get lost in the water, HIS FUCKING LEGS AND BARE CHEST ARE JUST OUT

-literally just,,,SURFER GHIACCIO??? come ON dude. he knows what he's doing and will wink at you every single time he catches you staring

-loves wading out far into the water with you on his surf board so he can be all soft and cute with you without anybody hearing or seeing him

-he'll also be pretty light-hearted when he's out there too. he and pesci will see who can swim out the farthest and he'll let pesci win (let's be honest, with his legs he could swim to a different continent if he wanted too)

-ghia might look hot as hell out there, but he'll also end up burnt as hell. literally he just didn't put sunscreen on and he was out in the sun for hours. hottie got sun poisoning, please take him home early he will die

~Melone~

-he brought along goggles, a snorkel and flippers so he can do some shallow reef diving

-he'll pop up occasionally and yell for you to come over and show you a tiny little crab or a cool looking fish he found (it's honestly really, really cute)

-mel will take routine breaks to reapply sunscreen, drink water, check up on you, and get his goggles stolen (which he did not plan on). he'll also take this time to use shitty beach-related pick up lines to get you to laugh

-honestly as pervy as you'd think he would be. maybe it's because he's distracted by all the fun little creatures he keeps finding in tide pools and such

-has his own little set up a few feet away from prosciutto and illuso's. he'll be there while he's taking his breaks and yes he will try to cuddle with you even though it's pushing 90 degrees at noon

~Sorbet and Gelato~

-not to get sad in what is supposed to be a fun headcanon set but neither of them will take their shirts off or get in the water. both of them have a lot of body image issues and they'd really appreciate it if you didn't try to convince them to be half naked in public

-with that being said, both Sorbet and Gelato get loads of enjoyment out of just watching you swim around and have fun before returning to them

-Sorbet will help apply sunscreen but he really just wants an excuse to grope you and Gelato in public

-Gelato will want to have a sandcastle building contest with you (Sorbet is the judge and both of you receive the grand prize of a kiss)

-long walks on the beach together at night after everyone's gone home? of fucking course it's gonna happen

[cosmicjoke]

Ah, chapters 113 & 114 of AoT, and I’ve only got one thing to say.

Zeke, am I supposed to be feel sorry for the bitch?  Well I DON’T.

No, seriously, fuck this guuuuuuuuy, I know I keep saying it again and again, but God damn, if these two chapters didn’t just solidify my hatred for the bastard.

First of all, he is just... the most whiny, delusional, self-pitying pathetic loser, just... he really is.  I feel like a character in a Peanuts comic strip every time he opens his mouth.  All I hear is “whaa, whaa, whaa”.  And his delusions of grandeur would almost be funny if they weren’t so pathetic.  

Here’s the thing, alright, and I’m sorry if I’m going to offend any Zeke fans with what I’m about to say, but too bad, I guess.  

Everything out of this shitheads mouth is a lie.  And just because he’s convinced himself of his own bullshit doesn’t make the lies coming out of his mouth any more true.

He turns Levi’s fellow soldiers into Titans.  He does this without remorse.  Don’t try to tell me Zeke felt bad about it.  He didn’t.  You know how I know he didn’t?  Because in his private moments in the immediate aftermath, he mocks Levi over having done it, gloating about his supposed master plan of using Levi’s compassion against him and utilizing it to ensure Levi’s own demise.  Zeke’s entire attitude here is sickeningly unbothered, unburdened, uncaring, and smug in the EXTREME.  He mocks Levi’s compassion, literally makes fun of it and lambasts it as a pathetic sign of weakness when he says “I know you’re a caring leader.  Your soldiers haven’t done anything wrong.  They’ve just grown a little bigger.  You wouldn’t, say, slice them to pieces over that, would you?”.  This is Zeke making fun of the fact, finding AMUSEMENT in the fact that he’s just murdered 30 people who have never done a single thing to him, and reveling in what he thinks is a victory that will lead to Levi’s own death, reveling in having taken advantage of and weaponizing a better man’s kindness and compassion.  Zeke is ENJOYING this moment.  Just like he enjoyed killing all those soldiers in Shinganshina.  And then, the kicker, and this is a particular point about Zeke that just makes me absolutely sick, he pretends to himself as if he didn’t want to do it.  He PLAYS at his own regret, saying, “I didn’t want do this either,” and yet in the very next breath, continues to treat what he’s done with grotesque flippancy, saying “Still, how sad... There wasn’t even a battle or skirmish.”  Gloating over how easily he’s bested Levi and his men, before going on to sink further into his insane delusions of grandeur, blaming their inability to trust one another on Levi’s inability to “understand”.  I’m sorry, Zeke, but no.  You didn’t even TRY to help Levi understand, too wrapped up in your own egotistical god-complex to consider it a possibility.  ‘Oh, only I could possibly understand, along with Eren, the great task we two special beings have been burdened with.  He makes assumptions about Levi’s life, about the kinds of things he’s seen and experienced, and convinces himself that they couldn’t be anything like what Zeke has (which, hilariously, is all wrong, since out of everyone, Levi knows better than anyone else in the SC what it’s like to be treated as a second class citizen).  Zeke just assumes Levi couldn’t possibly ever grasp the complexities of the outside world, and so that’s why Zeke didn’t even bother trying to talk to him.  Blah, blah, blah.  No, Zeke, you didn’t share your stupid ass plan because you wanted to continue to feel special, like you’re the chosen one who gets to decide the fate of an entire race of people.  The most hilarious part of this entire sequence is when Zeke is thinking Levi couldn’t ever understand the concept of all the world’s militaries bearing down on Paradis at once, and what that means, couldn’t grasp the urgency of the situation, as if ZEKE HIMSELF isn’t completely fucking responsible for that situation in the first place.  Zeke literally engineered it.  He created the problem, and now wants to position himself as the savior.  He’s just such a loser man.  The God damned definition.  

And as if all of that wasn’t bad enough, when it turns out Zeke’s plan to take Levi out failed miserably, and Levi comes after his sorry ass like a bat out of hell, Zeke continues to mock Levi, to laugh at what Levi’s just had to do in order to survive and pursue Zeke.  He says “Where’d your adorable little men go!?  Don’t tell me you killed them all!  The poor things!”.  Are you fucking serious?  Zeke’s behavior here is one of the most sickening things in the entire story, bar none.  The way he laughs at Levi here for having to cut down 30 of his friends and comrades, the absolute display of sociopathic glee and disregard for the severe, horrific trauma he’s just caused this man, is honestly shocking.  Man, I’m sorry, but anyone who sympathizes with Zeke over Levi after this display maybe needs to reevaluate their moral compass, because it’s damned broken.  And just as an aside, Zeke’s cowardly fear of Levi is also pretty damned funny.  He’s just such a bitch./

We go from this perverse display of psychopathic megalomania into Zeke’s backstory, and again, I’m sorry if I’m gonna offend any Zeke fans here, but to all of that, I ask, so effing what?  Oh, boohoo, Zeke’s mommy and daddy didn’t shower him with praise or spend any time playing catch with him, and somehow, I guess, this is meant to excuse his attempts later in life to commit mass genocide.  Poor, poor Zeke.  Yes, his childhood was sad, he experienced neglect from his parents for two whole years, was used by them as a pawn for their idiotic plans, and ended up disappointing his father when it turned out he had no real talent.  And again I ask, so what?  This sort of experience isn’t exactly what one would call unique, or even extreme.  There are countless children in the world who go through the exact same thing in various forms.  Parents who put too much pressure on their kids to succeed, parents who try living vicariously through their children, parents who make their disappointment known and even punish their children for failing to live up to their expectations (something Zeke’s parents never did, by the way).  The point is, this isn’t even what one would classify as extreme hardship.  It’s a sad story of a child being neglected and not receiving enough love from his parents.  This isn’t to undermine the very real pain one experiences from those things.  Not at all.  That pain is real and legitimate.  But it’s also fairly common and pedestrian, as far as childhood trauma is concerned, and it doesn’t even remotely begin to justify the extreme lengths of megalomaniacal, sociopathic, genocidal tendencies he later displays.  Also, Zeke also had his grandparents, who did love him and spent lots of time with him.  He had Mr. Ksaver, who played with him and acted as a mentor to him.  It wasn’t like Zeke had no one and grew up with zero connections.  That’s BS.  

Levi calls this bitch on his shit later in chapter 114, as Zeke’s muttering away in his delusions about how he’s “saving everyone”.  He asks Zeke “That was your plan?  Mercy killings?”.  Levi’s asking Zeke here who the hell gave him the right to decide who lives and who dies?  Who gave him the right to decide who’s life is WORTH living?  When Levi says him getting to die by being eaten by a Titan is pretty merciful, considering he stole the lives of so many of his comrades, Zeke’s reply speaks volumes about just how warped and demented his thinking is, when he says “I stole nothing.  I... saved them.  Them and the children they would have... I saved them all... from this cruel world.”.  He’s literally justifying murdering countless people by trying to redefine that murder as “saving” them.  It’s not murder because it saved them from ever having to suffer again!  He’s absolving himself here of his sins by casting his actions in not just a favorable light, but trying to sell them as heroic and admirable.  He takes no, actual responsibility for what he’s done.  He removes himself from that responsibility by pretending he was doing a good thing, an honorable, noble thing, by murdering a whole bunch of people who’d never done jack shit to him.  Yippee for Zeke, I guess.  He’s the very definition of an ego-maniac, of someone suffering from a messiah complex.  He’s insane, and morally depraved.  The very fact that he’s the one who comes up with the idea of eradicating the Eldian race by rendering them infertile is only further proof of this.  What teenager comes up with a plan to exterminate an entire race of people and thinks it’s a good idea?

Right before he blows himself and Levi up, he screams “I’m hope you’re watching, Mr. Ksaver!”.  He’s indulging in his own, fanciful notions of himself as the “chosen one”, as a unique person who alone is capable of delivering humanity to salvation.  He’s showing off, asking Mr. Ksaver to watch him as he “saves the world”, because all he cares about, really, is making himself feel special, of fulfilling what he’s deluded himself into believing is his destiny, his right to decide the fate of the world. 

And then he almost kills Levi in the process.

I swear, I wish Levi had just chopped his shitty head off right then and there.  No one can blame Levi for chopping the bastards legs up like he did, for being so angry.  It wasn’t just that Zeke had killed so many of his fellow soldiers by turning them into Titans, or tried to kill Levi by turning them into Titans, it’s also how Zeke laughed about it, and laughed at the pain he’d caused Levi, treating all of it as if it was worth nothing, and then having the unmitigated gall to cast himself as the hero bestowing his benevolent mercy on all.  Give me a fucking break.

Fuck you Zeke.  I hope you rot in hell, you dumb shit.  

Also, fuck you to Floch too.  I hate that bastard almost as much.

[waynedunlaptheorgandonor]

watched s11ep1

i will provide you with a quick review before i disappear back into the ether of twd avoidance

lots of spoilers under the cut. also i wrote way too much and i worked all night and haven’t slept so i didn’t bother to reread literally any of it, so it might be completely nonsensical, tho if you don’t expect that from me by this point idk whose blog you’ve been reading

enjoy:

hokay, first off, i’ll start by saying that i enjoyed it more than i expected to. i’ve been avoiding any sort of discussion about stuff, but my google algorithm is so fucked at this point that i still get recommended articles and stuff every now and then, so i was already pretty aware of what i was walking into, and was expecting it to be eh, but actually i prob enjoyed it more than i enjoyed the finale

(don’t get too excited tho, the finale was rly boring lmfao)

anyway

episode starts off with a tense scouting mission

it takes .005 seconds into the episode for caryl to exchange a look of longing, establishing that they are still having weird conflict and are both too fucking stubborn to do anything about it even tho they hate it desperately

i imagine that will continue for a while

rosita, kelly, carol, maggie, what’s her face with the bad hair, and lydia (i think that’s everyone?) lower down to some army bunker or something, where a bunch of walkers are taking a snooze, and the girls are very respectful of walker naptime, and do their best not to wake them up

obviously they eventually wake up, but i’ll get to that in a sec

as they’re tiptoeing through the walker tulips, there’s this split second where carol spots a machine gun, and looks at maggie with a face like, “can i plzzzz, i am mad horny for that machine gun,” but maggie tells her no. (i 110% expected her to defy orders and accidentally wake up all the walkers, but she actually behaved herself for once. well. mostly)

never fear, tho, after the girl gang collects a bunch of MREs they go back to wait for the dudes waiting up top to pull them up, and bc men ruin everything, one of the ropes break, and daryl catches it before it falls, but then a slow motion drop of blood falls on a walker’s face, and just like that, walker naptime is over, and carol uses her bow and arrow for two seconds before she is like “fuck this” and whips out the machine gun

yes, she is super hot using it

yes, daryl watches her do it

anyway, all the other girls get rescued, and carol is about to be pulled up, but bc she is a #girlboss, she first makes a beeline for one more crate full of MREs. daryl covers her while she gets the loot, and when she gets back up top they have another charged moment as carol hands him back his knife

just fuck already, jfc

titles!

cut to alexandria where everything is still not smilestimes

BUT, we do get to see uncle daryl run and hug rj and judith (and dog), and FUCKING HERSHEL JR, LIGHT OF MY LIFE is also there

istg, they could not have casted a better child, i a d o r e him

oh, and some friends of maggie’s show up too, idk

cut to a staff meeting where everyone is like, whomp whomp, we’re all gonna starve to death unless we figure out something quick

cue maggie going, “oh, i know where food is, but it requires me to tell you my tragic backstory, in case anyone didn’t watch my bottle episode”

she tells her dramatic backstory about all her friends getting slaughtered by the reapers for no apparent reason, and then she’s like “anyway, let’s go back there!”

no one thinks it’s a great idea, but a group of people decide to go anyway, including daryl and gabriel. rosita is super pissed that gabriel is going, and carol doesn’t go, probably partly bc it’s a shitty fucking idea, and also bc they have to keep caryl apart bc otherwise they’ll fix their problems ahead of schedule and they won’t be able to drag out the needless angst

daryl looks kind of annoyed that carol doesn’t volunteer to go 

bitch, i thought you wanted her to stop putting herself in the line of fire! make up your damn mind!

moving on

cut to a thunderstorm, where, if you look closely, you’ll notice daryl is wearing the STUPIDEST hat i’ve ever seen. just get an umbrella, jfc

for some reason negan is with them, bc ig he knows his way around washington dc, and no one in six years has bothered to figure out how to get around the city and/or get a map, and he is like “hey guys, maybe we shouldn’t try to walk in this fucking hurricane,” and everyone is like “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” 

this will be a common occurrence 

but eventually daryl is even like “actually, it’s rly unpleasant out here, and my hat is mad stupid, can we go inside plz?”

so they go inside an old metro station, which is actually a rly cool cinematic choice. i rly like the idea, and they executed it rly well

speaking of executions

there are some fucking RULL CREEPY walkers. idk why they bothered me so badly, but they were what they at first assumed were corpses wrapped up in tarps, but turns out none of them had been properly put down, so they go through killing these rotted bodies that had supposedly been there since The Fall, and it’s very gross and cool

this entire time, btw, negan is like “hey, i know i’m a shitty person, but i have some rational arguments about why we shouldn’t be doing this right now,” and everyone is like, “FUCK YOU NEGAN, YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF US!!!” and he’s just like “god fucking damnit”

(i forgot to mention that at one point, when they’re headed into the metro station, negan is trying to warn ppl of the potential danger, and everyone is ignoring him, and he tries to talk to daryl, and daryl is like “fuck you, you think we’re BUDDIES?” and negan is like “oh, ok, so you’re gonna be like that too? fanfreakingtastic” and it’s very funny)

anyway. a fat monster zombie escapes its tarp at one point, and tries to eat some npc, and negan saves him, again is like “hey, anyone else realize that this is a FUCKING BAD PLAN?”, and everyone is like “we don’t care, you’re still shitty and we’re not listening to you, and you don’t actually care about random npc i would literally not be able to pick out in a lineup bc his face is so generic, you’re not the boss of us!!!”

it’s at this point that negan finally is like, “why am i even here? bc i know how to get around washington dc? do none of you have a map?” and i was like, “right?! that’s what i said!” 

it’s then revealed that maggie only brought negan along to murder him under the guise of “oops, he got hurt in the line of duty, it wasn’t my fault,” and daryl has this look on his face that says, “i seriously need to stop hanging out with lethal women bent on revenge bc it’s gonna give me high blood pressure,” and maggie has a badass moment where she points a gun she has for some reason at negan and is like “i have like, one shred of human compassion left inside of me, and if you keep pushing me i will fucking kill you without a second thought, so shut the hell up”

(in her defense, negan had just dropped glenn’s name to purposely antagonize her, which was rude as hell)

(for the record, i’m completely on maggie’s side here, but negan still is right that trapping themselves in a metro station is a bad call)

anyway, moving away from that briefly

i think this jump cut happens sooner, i don’t actually remember, but whatever who cares, point is, we get to the part of the show that actually matters, and that’s anything involving my love, juanita “princess” sanchez

and also eugene, yumiko, and ezekiel

they are being asked increasingly invasive questions by commonwealth ppl, some of which i wish they actually would of answered (what do they use to wipe their asses with?? surely toilet paper has long since become extinct)

zeke, who is so much more tolerable as a character now that he’s not larping as a king, has this incredibly weird and sort of sexually charged moment with a dude in an orange stormtrooper costume, where he’s like, “i bet you were an asshole cop back before The Fall, you stupid fascist, #fuckthepolice, mb literally? idk, this moment has a lot of pent up aggression that could easily translate to hate sex, it might just be the intense eye contact, but w/e, let’s just move along,” and then he has a coughing fit to remind the audience that he’s currently dying of cancer, and orange stormtrooper is like “lolz, loser, drink some water you dumb piece of shit”

cut to the wholesome foursome sitting at a picnic table in a guarded courtyard eating gruel, and yumkio, who finally has a personality, and princess are like “hey, this place fucking sucks, can we leave?” and zeke is like, “yeah, i met this orange stormtrooper who i think might be dtf and/or murder, so we should probably bounce”

but eugene is like, “but i want some hot stephanie ass, and also some bullshit excuse about how mb commonewealth will save alexandria” which, they left before things went super downhill, right? idr. it was after hilltop fell, but they don’t know alexandria got fucked either, if i recall? w/e, not important

two seconds after he says this, they talk to some people who are like “we’ve been here for four months, or maybe it’s been nine, i don’t actually remember, i’ve stopped processing the passage of time,” and the wholesome foursome takes this as a bad sign, tho that’s just the life i’ve lived as a night worker during a pandemic, so i was like #mood

but then they watch some guy get dragged away screaming to get “reprocessed” and eugene is like “ok, nvm, let’s bounce”

(my theory on what “reprocessing” is, is that they’re stuck in a room and have to watch hours and hours of customer service training videos on vhs from the 90s)

i definitely got my jump cut scenes mixed up bc i think the negan accusing maggie of a murder plot thing happened in between this scene and then the next commonwealth scene, but w/e, i’ll just finish what happens in the commonwealth arch

the wholesome foursome are trying to hatch a plan to escape, except princess, my love, is distracted watching some stormtroopers flirt, and the other three are like “wtf, dude, how can you even tell any of them apart?” and princess then tells them every stormtroopers backstory bc she is brilliant and pays rly close attention to shit, and the other three are like, “this is useful information, thank you for being an insane person”

their plan involves yumiko and eugene dressing up as stormtroopers and leading princess and zeke out of the place, which works fine actually, except on their way out they come across the Depressing Wall of Probably Mostly Dead Missing Loved Ones

they’re about to leave, when princess is like, “wait, yumiko, you’re on here, that’s weird huh?”

sure enough, yumiko  is on the wall, with a note from ig her sister 

the scene ends with yumiko going, “guys...i can’t leave...i have tragic backstory to unveil”

tragic backstory to be continued ig

back in murder metro town, npc and some other npc have stolen all the supplies, there’s a train blocking the track, and a horde of walkers are coming towards them, so things are not going fantastic

they horde is too big to take down, so they start to climb on top of the train car to get away

but dog runs away!

and daryl, being every pet owner ever, is like “gotta go get my dog, guys, try not to get killed while i’m gone, c u soon!” and he ducks under the train and disappears

#priorities

the episode ends with maggie climbing up the train car but getting grabbed by a walker and dangling off the edge, and negan is there and they have a lion king moment where maggie is like, “scar! help me!” and negan is like “long live the king, bitch” and walks away into the shadows, leaving maggie to a potential death

which, while i know isn’t actually going to happen, would be a really fucking funny move on the writers’ part

like, “look, lauren’s back! and now she’s dead, bet you didn’t expect that!”

anyway

my assumption is negan will actually end up helping her up or something, continuing his ambiguous morality bullshit that actually isn’t ambiguous bc he BEAT GLENN TO DEATH WITH A FUCKING BAT WRAPPED IN BARBED WIRE IN FRONT OF HIS PREGNANT WIFE

the maggie/negan arch is kind of dumb, but whatevs, i’ll tolerate it, as long as my boy glenn gets justice in the end

anyway, cue credits!

final assessment: good episode. i’m much more interested in commonwealth than the reapers, tho i am hoping that daryl’s personality-less ex turns out to be a monster killing machine with no conscience, that’ll be fun. princess is a gift from god. hershel jr needs his own tv show. needs more carol (and caryl)

the end! going back into my walking dead free chamber! see you next episode!

-diz

[hivequest]

Taking a Risk » Mallek Adalov/Reader

Wordcount: 2.3k words

Warnings: Swearing, fluff, stressed out reader, chillboy Mallek. TYping quirk only used when texting cause I could not be bothered lmao Originally posted on AO3

A/N: One of my favorite things that I’ve written, ever. I love Mallek and he’s for sure one of my favorite Friendsim characters. When I wrote this I was really feeling those Quarantine Woes

You didn't know what you were doing here. You felt out of place in the worst possible ways. It was a weird, squidgy feeling like stepping on wet grass. But not like the fun kind where you were running around in a sprinkler on a hot-as-balls summer day. No, this was the bad kind of wet grass that you stepped on without knowing it was wet. Why weren't you wearing shoes?

This analogy is stupid. The point is, you're feeling bummed out.

And what better way to not have to deal with that than hang out with someone you knew wouldn't push you into talking about all the ways crashing on this planet sucked! The point is, you're on your way to see Mallek. Mallek is absolutely the kind of friend who can tell when you just need to sit down and veg out. You had been so caught up in everyone else's bullshit that you weren't looking after your own damn self. So now you were doing that.

All it took was a quick text, asking Mallek if he had any company. He texted back only a moment later with a no, obviously not. You asked him if he wanted any. Not really. You ask him if you can come over anyway. Obviously.

You smiled at the palmhusk in your, well, palm. You could already feel the chill vibes of your hacker friend. Friend? Was that the right word for it? You didn't know anymore. When you first met there were definitely some sparks there. You could still feel them now and it made weird butterflies flutter around in your stomach. When you slapped his phone out of his hand and he sent you ass over applecart into the slimy depths of sewer water and he saved you, tits out and all.

You shook off the weird wistful feeling of maybe possibly crossing the friendship barrier and told him you'd walk to his hive. You'd been moping in some bookhive, not your usual hang-out spot with Tagora or Tyzias. This was some upper caste bookhive with purple bloods and some indigos and definitely not where you were welcome if the looks you were getting were any indication. They ranged from snooty to downright murderous. Yeesh.

Your phone -palmhusk, stupid troll names- beeped again. You got another text from him and those cheery fucking butterflies were back. God, you had it bad.

yeah were not doing that lmao;

im not going to let my robobuddy walk out in the sun

do you even know what time of day it =

just stay put ive already got your location ill pick you up;

And like a good little friendsimp. You park your ass on a chair and wait. You hadn't released your moping had taken up most of the night. But with the quick look around, yeah, no, this place was nearly empty by now. Just some older bluebloods trying to cram before their Ordeals and get shipped off-planet. Again: Yeesh.

You kept your ears open for the telltale sound of Mallek's limo. It was a sound you were getting used to these days. He always seemed ready to drop whatever coding shit he was working on to come to see you. You tried not to think too hard on what that might mean. No need to get your hopes up now. It's probably just your bad mood making you imagine some context where there's nothing. Yeah.

Damn, that shit hurted.

Just as you were about to add that to the reasons you were considering just screaming your lungs out who cares whose listening? you heard the wonderfully familiar sound of an approaching elongated scuttlebuggy. If that wasn't enough of a clue as to who the ride was for the quiet of the bookhive was very abruptly disturbed by a series of rhythmic beeps.

Holy shit was that the Tetris theme?

You shoved your palmhusk into your hoodie pocket and yanked the hood over your head. Even if the sun was only out a little bit you didn't want it anywhere near your freshly healed skin. You had no kind cowgirl to nurse you back to health right now if you got your asscheeks baked by the flaming death orb. You peeked your head out and even with the blinding light of Alternia's suns you could Mallek had opened the door and was waiting for you.

Aw. No, shit. You're in a bad mood don't get all heart eyes at him. Don't make it weird.

You took a few steps back into the bookhive, ready to make a run for it. You turn to a sitting indigoblood, who is just staring at you disdainfully for keeping the door open. You give her a two-fingered salute. Godspeed young cosmonaut. She gives you a one-fingered salute. Close the door you insufferable bulgebiter. Fair.

Taking a running start, you book it out into the heat of the Alternian sun and dive for the open car door. It's then that you realize he's halfway parked on the sidewalk to lessen the amount of time you'd have to spend in the sun. Aw. That also means that you came barreling like a cannonball at something that was like two feet out of the door. FUck.

Your face meets carpet and you can already feel the rugburn starting to set in. You hear a startled wheezy laugh from above you, a sound you know better than anyone else on this planet. You smile. It's not like you had any dignity to begin with.

You say hello to him as you peel yourself off of the floor of his car.

"Hey, there robobuddy. You stuck the landing this time," He smiles down at you as he reaches over you to shut the door, closing the space out from natural light and leaving you both lit by his colorful LEDs. You shrug and tell him you've been getting a lot of practice landing on your face these days. The look he gives you is still smiling but there's some level of disbelief at the dumbassery that is your whole existence.

"I know you can get yourself into it. Nothing too bad this time, though, right? No drones or broken bones?" He sounds concerned which is nice but he doesn't drown you with his concern. He leans back on the bench of his limo, keeping an eye on you as the vehicle begins to move on its own. You've been staying out of big messes but the little messes are starting to mess with you. He makes a sound of understanding the sounds as it comes from deep in his chest. Whoa. "Believe me, I've been there. Glad you're not cracking under it though."

He smiles and you can see his little fang and you can feel your heart melt a little. And also you're getting a bit teary-eyed and now Mallek looks alarmed. Shit. You try to quickly explain that you're fine, just, alien allergies am I right? He must be using some new air freshener to mask the musty smell of his limo. Since doesn't use it enough. Ha ha?

He isn't buying it.

With a rare show of cerulean prowess, he lifts you up off of the shitty car rug and sets you on the seat beside him. He feels uncomfortable and you can tell. Ah, goddammit you made it weird. You didn't mean to. Fuck. Fuck now you're feeling even worse. You thought you were starting to balance out. You're with Mallek now, shouldn't everything start to quiet down like it always does? Fuck. He doesn't say anything at first, just leans back against the seat and stretches his arms across it, letting you lean on him if you choose to.

...You choose to.

Your head finds itself somewhere between his shoulder and his collarbone, and you just. Shove your face there. Then scream.

To his credit, Mallek doesn't even flinch. He doesn't wince or shy away from you as you let out every bit of anger, sadness, and frustration out against his sweater. He just sits quietly, staring straight at the blacked-out windshield. You get the feeling he's needed to do this more than once.

Screw this planet. Screw everything about it that makes all of your friends suffer. Why can't you just get them away from all this bullshit?! Why do you have to deal with everyone's bullshit! You love them, you do but holy fuck they're looking to you like you can undo all the damage this place has done to them when you've got literally no god damn idea what's happening at any point ever!

And then, just like that, it fades into the background. Your throat hurts. Your head hurts and you think you might be crying. But it feels lighter. Better now that you've gotten some of that aggression out. You aren't like the trolls on Alternia. You can't kill people when you experience an Emotion™. But that doesn't mean you don't get pent up with rage.

Mallek realizes that now. He lets out a breath he didn't realize he was holding and his left hand slowly moves down from the back of the seat the rest against your back. His thumb brushes against your back, the claw drawing little patterns against the fabric of your sweater. His sweater. He tries not to think his sign your chest. This isn't the time.

"Feeling any better?" He asks and you don't know how to answer. You kinda don't want to. But you nod anyways, and you feel some tension leave his body. You knew he was worried about you. You apologize for making him witness your meltdown but he just makes another deep-chested hum. "Nothing to apologize for. I got the feeling you weren't feeling great. I could tell from the texts, you didn't use nearly enough ugly emojis."

You scoff and smack a hand against his chest and once again you hear that wonderful laugh from him. Hey! Your purrbeast emojis are adorable, thank you very much! And you'll not hear another word of it or else you'll send him pictures of rocks and rocks exclusively. No more memes.

"Jokes on you I'm into that shit." You laugh and thump your head against his collarbone. You thank him for being with you when were needed it. And picking you up to make sure you didn't deal with it alone. You don't want to make it weird but...yeah.

He doesn't respond this time, just letting you both enjoy the silence and the comforting sound of the engine. You should almost be at Mallek's apartment by now. It's as you're settling in for the last bit of the drive that you notice that the limo isn't moving. And hasn't been for a while. Your head pops up in confusion and the little GPS display on the back of one of the seats says... yep.

You're already at Mallek's.

But then why is the engine still on? That can't be good for the environment. Do these things even run on gas or is it bugs? Bug gas? Gross.

You notice then that the rumbling is coming from behind you. Like. From where Mallek is sitting. He doesn't look away when you turn to him, just kind of tilting his head to the side with a little bit of a cerulean hue to his cheeks. Oh. Oh, the sound is coming from him. He's purring. That's.

That's adorable.

You feel yourself soften even more when he lifts his arms, silently offering a hug if you want it. Is this platonic? Is this more? You've never had too much trouble identifying what people wanted from you. (Debatable.) If was overtly flushed you could shut it down or divert it to something very much friends only. (Like your every exchange with Zebruh.) But did you even want to do that to your hackerman? You could feel yourself screaming, no, absolutely not. But at the same time, you didn't want things to change. You didn't want to make his issues any worse than they already were. He didn't have too much longer on the planet and you knew it would tear him apart.

But then he turned those blue eyes to you. He looked just as unsure as you were but he was willing to take the risk. He shoved himself so far out of his comfort zone for you and was asking you to be selfish. To want something for yourself and do something for yourself. Not put him or anyone else's wants first. Just your own. And so you did.

You crawled up into his lap, pressed yourself as close to him as you could and clung to him. His arms didn't hesitate to wrap around you and you could feel a shuddering breath from above you.

"We don't have to put a label on this... not yet. Or ever. Either way is chill with me. I just... yeah." He gave up with a little shrug of his shoulders but you knew what he meant. Unless you could find a way to fight fate he was going to go off-world. He was going to leave you and you doubted you'd be able to go with him. You'd probably get gored by a drone for even trying.

But even if it was just for now, just for a moment, you were going to take it. You were going to let yourself have something, have someone who would care for you no matter how long or short your time was. You'd take it. You had stomached some of the most horrible things on this planet but Mallek had always been a constant. And you got the feeling he thought the same way about you.

So, you'd take it. Whatever comes next, you'd take it. You listened to the sound of his purring, in no hurry to move to get inside the apartment. Mallek felt the same.

You exhaled.

You would be okay.

[happys-crazy-queen22]

Gone Forever

Gif credit @angelreyesgirl.

Gif credit @shadesalvarez and @mayans-sauce

Requested on wattpad.

Hope you all enjoy it. There is going to be a part 2.

Taglist. @nocturnalherb16. @jesseswartzwelder. @leaalfred. @creepers-baby-girl. @writerwithasoul. @twistnet @believinghurts. @ilovetaquitosmmmm. @mayans-mc. @baylishh.

Warning: mild assault. Cheating.

"I'm tired of your shit, Angel. All we ever do is fucking fight. I'm tired". You sit on the edge of the bed, your head in your hands.

Angel scoffed. "Cry. That's all you ever fucking do. You're the damn reason we fight all the time".

You look up from your hands and narrow your eyes at him. "You're really going to blame me? Are you fucking kidding me? Who comes home drunk out of their mind and trashes the house? Who didn't pay the electric bill this month and I had to borrow money from my parents because you spent it on a bike that doesn't even run. It has no motor no nothing". You yell, getting up from the bed walking to him by the door frame.

"I'm a fucking adult. I can do as I fucking please. So fuck off, you whiney bitch". Angel was inches away from your face. You wanted so badly to knock him in his teeth.

"Get out of my house". You gritted your teeth, turning your bad on him.

"What did you say"?

"Get the fuck out of my house". You reared your hand back and slapped him across the face. But quickly regretted it. "I'm sorry".

"I'm gone. I'm fucking gone". Angel walked down the hall holding his face, knocking off pictures of the once happy couple on the wall and coffee table. 

You sat down on the bed crying. You have never hit Angel before and he's done stupider shit than this before. He's even cheated on you before and you've taken him back. But after he didnt cheat on you again. You hated yourself right now.

Angel rode to the clubhouse, he needed something strong and wet. He went to the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey and sat down on a couch. Unscrewed the top and took a long swig. His eyes bounced around the room. Finding the perfect girl for him to take his mind off things. But Ez stepped in his way.

"What the hell happened to you"? Ez asked sitting down in front of him.

"That bitch hit me". Angel touched his eyebrow and brought his hand back with a smidge of blood.

"Y/N? Y/N, hit you"? Ez chuckled. He couldnt see you hitting Angel.

"Yes, her. She flipped on me".

"Good. She's put up with your shit for so long. I'm surprised you're still alive after all the shit you put her through".

"I didnt make her stay. That was her decision. She knew what she signed up for when dating me".

"Bullshit, Angel. You purposely do shit to make her mad. I've seen you make her cry over a spilt drink. You're a dick and Y/N is a good girl. She deserves better". 

"Are you hard up for Y/N? Huh? Because you're defending her instead of your own brother. Fuck it. She's just a wasted memory". Angel chugged more of the whiskey and got up from his seat grabbing the closest girl to him and disappeared. Ez shook his head. He couldnt believe his brother. Throwing a good girl away for what? A shitty excuse for a girl that's been with everyone here.

While Angel got his dick wet, you were wiping away your tears. For good. Life didn't evolve around Angel. There was better out there and you were going to find it. Sooner than you thought.

There was a knock on the door and you went to answer it. Opening the door you saw it was Ez.

"What, what are you doing here"? You covered up with your robe as the wind came blowing in.

"To see if you're alright"?

"I'm fine Ez". You said stepping aside so he could come in.

"Angel's at the clubhouse".

"Oh. So he's already moved on"?

"Not sure. I left before I saw anything. He was chugging a bottle of whiskey".

"Great. Well he's not my problem anymore. I'm done. He missed up to many times and I'm sick of it. I've done everything to make him happy and all I'm getting is shit. I'm worth more than that". You say sitting down on the couch, picking up one of Angel cigarettes and lighting it.

"You don't smoke". Ez came and sat beside you.

"Maybe I'll take it up. Trying things new now since I'm free". You chuckled then let out a cough. "Forget it. I'll stick to having lungs". Ez laughed.

"I'm sorry about my brother". Ez sat back on the couch.

"It's not your fault. You had nothing in making him that way". You laid back with him.

Ez's eyes jumped around your face as you watched his. You bit your lip as he came closer to you. Then out of nowhere Ez crashed his lips on yours. His strong arm pulled you on top of him, straddling his waist. Your hands went to his face, kissing him deeper. He sucked on your tongue as you moaned.

"We can't". You abruptly stopped him, pulling away from the kiss.

"You're right, we can't...here". Ez picked you up and carried you to the bedroom, gripping your ass and kissing at your neck.

"Ez". You moaned licking your lips as Ez laid you gently on the bed. He stood beside you taking off his kutte, then his shirt and finally while was standing in his boxers. He cock poking out of the pee hole of his boxer.

His chest heaved up and down as he watched you slowly and teasingly take off your shirt and short..

"God, you're so beautiful". He growled jumping on the bed, hovering over you. Your hands going up his sweaty chiseled body. Ez spread your legs wide, settling down in between them. The tip of his cock rubbed against your clit, making you whimper.

"I've wanted you for so long". Ez kissed your lips softly, taking his time as he ran his hands up your sides and down your hips. His touch was like fire when touching you. Goosebumps on goosebumps formed. Your body trembled as you laid under him.

"Now you have me. Show me what I've missed". That started something in Ez and the beast took over. His softness turned into passion and love. He wanted you to remember this night forever and you would. But so would Angel. When he would found out.

[patchofsunlight]

i’m reposting bc it’s not showing up in the tags and I’m mad about it lmao!! hope you like it!!

check out my 800 followers event!

warnings: cursing because uh. this is bakugou katsuki. and this is so long. i put so much more effort into this than into any of the others i can’t do anything if i’m in love with him i’m sorry

Katsuki definitely did not think he would fall in love with an extra like you. In fact, he did not think he would fall in love at all.

Yet he did. Like an idiot.

You were friends with fucking Deku, of course, and almost as annoying as him. He always saw you around with him and the Half-and-Half Bastard and he promised himself he would never give you more than a glare because you simply did not deserve to be in his thoughts, and he succeeded at that

at first.

You decided to live rent-free in his mind after the Sports Festival. That was the first time he actually payed attention to you and it was safe to say he was slightly impressed

He was sure you would’ve ended up on the final battles if you hadn’t had to fight Icyhot before you got there

even then, you gave the idiot a run for his money and Katsuki was surprised with how long you held your own, getting a bunch of good hits and losing only because Todoroki was, well, Todoroki.

He respected you a bit after that

but he did not respect the way you were always plaguing his thoughts and dreams like a fucking virus of sorts

It was irritating as fuck and he wanted to kill someone over it.

Whenever he saw you his heart sped up to ten miles per minute and it made him see red with anger. He wasn’t sure what made you so important, anyway. Yes, you were powerful and somewhat pretty but still an idiot and Deku’s friend so how good could you actually be? Certainly not much

Still, there he was, thinking about you like a fucking stupid dumbass

He hated it, despised it, it made his blood boil. This was probably caused by some secondary quirk bullshit you had that no one knew about and he was tired of losing his damn time over it.

And you were always talking to him. For some god awful reason your seat was close to his and so you would ask about his day and about what he had for lunch and about his studies and a bunch of ridiculous shit he didn’t give a fuck about

“Shut the fuck up, Y/N, I don’t wanna talk to a fucking extra like you.”

“Why so grumpy, Explosion Boy?”

“I’LL KILL YOU”

he obviously didn’t.

It was weirdly comforting to have someone interested in his life, if he was honest about it.

But not much. It’s not like he liked you or appreciated you in anyway, of course not. That would be absolute bullshit and he was not willing to deal with it.

Getting kidnapped by the League of Villains was one of the worst things to ever happen to him.

Even though he fought his way through survival and didn’t get hurt or anything, it was still pretty terrible and, well, with everything that happened with All Might later... It’s safe to say it didn’t leave him feeling exactly good about himself

Besides, damn Deku was the one to help him escape and it pissed him off.

Specially because you were there too and how much of an idiot did you have to be to get caught up in something like that?

Did you want to die or something? Fucking extra. It made him so mad.

And worried, too, because what if you had gotten hurt? What if something bad had happened and he couldn’t help? Not that he cared, of course, but the thought of you being anything but healthy and fine made his heart jump uncomfortably in his chest and he didn’t like it one bit.

After that, you suddenly decided you wanted to be his friend or some bullshit, and it was the most annoying thing he had ever had to go through.

Talking to him randomly during class wasn’t fucking enough for you? Did you really have to walk with him to the dorms and invite him to have lunch with you? God, you were really insufferable.

But he found himself appreciating your company, sometimes. It was nice to have someone by his side like that, even if he couldn’t stand you

And maybe the fluttering of his heart whenever you smiled wasn’t all that bad.

You suddenly became a part of the Bakusquad after inviting him to have lunch with you multiple times and being rejected all of them until Mina started inviting YOU to have lunch with THEM instead and he wasn’t sure how to react to it

Kaminari was always fucking babbling with you about something and it got on his nerves

It was still better than seeing you running around with fucking Deku though. Deku did not deserve your friendship.

Sometimes, when you are too invested in conversation with someone else during lunch, he can’t help but steal glances at you and bite back a smile.

You’re cute when you’re excited.

He slowly stops complaining about you walking him to his dorm

You keep playfully saying you do it in case someone tries to kidnap him on the way and he screams at you for it everytime, but something tells you he goes easy on you for some reason.

There’s this one time when you call Kirishima “cheap ass red rock candy”

You’re only joking around and Kirishima knows this, so he only rolls his eyes and lightly punches your shoulder

but, for the first time ever, Katsuki laughs. He tries to hold it back like he does with every smile you bring to his lips, but he can’t, and the way your eyes sparkle at the sound sends his stomach in a frenzy

“I don’t think I’ve ever heard you laugh before,” you tell him quietly while you walk towards the dorms later that day, curiously avoiding his glare as you blush. He furrows his brows. It’s not like you to do that, but his heart does sommersaults in his chest at your bashfulness and he hates it.

“So fucking what?” his voice is aggressive, but there’s a hint of warmth rising to his face.

“It’s a nice sound,” you smile ever so softly and he stops breathing for a moment, “you should laugh more.”

“Whatever,” he mutters, hiding away his own red cheeks from your questioning eyes and walking a bit faster.

After that, he tries less to bite back his laughter. It’s almost subconscious and no one comments on it, but Kaminari, Kirishima, Mina, and Sero exchange knowing looks while you excitedly tell him about the last movie you watched and he grunts in acknowledgement, his full attention on you even as he avoids your eyes and stares at his lunch.

There’s this one time when you go to his room because you can’t sleep and it makes him so angry because he was already absolutely knocked out

yet he can see how much you’re fidgeting and something about the fact you came to him of all people causes his stomach to flutter, so he lets you in and listens while you tell him you’ve been having nightmares lately.

That’s the first time you ever sleep in his room, but neither of you acknowledge the way you’re holding each other when you wake up

It becomes kind of a tradition for you to go see him when you can’t sleep. He always complains about it and tells you to grow the fuck up, but lets you in anyway.

He likes to hold you while you sleep. It calms down his erratic heart and it’s nice, he figures. It’s nice to have someone to wait for, specially if that someone is you.

Katsuki tries not to think too much about what the feelings he gets when he’s next to you mean. After all, you’re still some annoying extra he couldn’t care less about, right?

Right?

It happens one cold night in the dorms’s common room.

You are just hanging out with him and the Bakusquad, watching some movie about something Katsuki doesn’t care about. He’s just looking through his social medias and ignoring all conversation going around him

You’re seated on the other couch, next to Sero, and he knows there’s a spot just on your other side, and a part of him longs to occupy it and be next to you, but he knows that’s stupid, so he stays put, even when you suddenly glance at him and smile when you notice how his eyes were already on you

He rolls his eyes and scowls, feeling his face heat up, but keeps quiet.

Then fucking Deku comes around and sits beside you. He’s obviously upset about something and Katsuki wants to kick his ass for simply being in close proximity to you

Yes, he knows you’re his friend too, but still. Deku can get fucked.

Deciding just being next to you isn’t enough, Izuku leans his head on your shoulder.

Katsuki sees fucking red. He’s ready to get up and punch his nose, but that was before you lifted your hand to play with the boy’s green hair, quietly asking him if everything was alright before you engaged in a whisper-filled conversation.

If looks could kill, Deku would’ve been dead in a second.

Kirishima is the first to notice how absolutely rageful he is.

“Hey, Bakubro, are you okay?”

“Shut the fuck up, Shitty Hair.”

He follows Katsuki’s glare and widens his eyes at the sight of you and Midoriya, smirking.

“Are you worried, Bakubro? Don’t worry, they’re just friends! She only has eyes for you!”

“I’m pretty sure I told you to shut up, didn’t I?”

“Come on, Bakubro! Your crush is definitely not in love with Midoriya, okay?”

“I don’t have a fucking crush, Shitty Hair!”

all eyes turn to his fuming figure after he screams. Izuku takes his head away from your shoulder, brows furrowing in confusion. You stare at Katsuki with concern, silently asking yourself what could have brought him to this outburst.

He groans in anger before standing up and leaving the room, unable to stay around you and fucking Deku any longer.

Mina sends you a look and you’re on your feet, telling Izuku you would be right back and running after the angry blond.

He was sitting on the stairs just outside the dorms, trying to control his own fury. You sit next to him and he scowls.

“What happened back there, Katsuki?” you question softly and his first name on your lips has him on the verge of an emotional breakdown. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he groans, looking at the ground as so to avoid your sharp eyes, “I’m fine.”

“You sure?”

“Did I fucking stutter?”

You smile lightly at his manners, moving your head so you could watch him more attentively.

“Well, I heard you talk about having a crush. What about that, huh?”

He blushes immediately, scowling even harder and turning away from you so you can’t see his face, “I said I don’t have a crush, you idiot.”

You hum in acknowledgement, “that’s too bad.”

Katsuki moves his neck so fast it almost gives him whiplash, and he blushes harder when he notices how close to him you are.

“What do you fucking mean by that?”

“I wouldn’t mind you having a crush if it was on me.”

He melts on the spot, heartbeat speeding so much he can barely feel it beating.

You two stare at each other and he absolutely loves the cheeky grin on your face.

You look so pretty when you smile.

He kisses you before he can overthink it, chest fluttering at the feeling of your smile against his lips. He ends up smiling too, just a bit.

Katsuki definitely did not think he would fall in love with an extra like you. In fact, he did not think he would fall in love at all.

Yet he did, and he could begrudgingly admit it wasn’t actually that bad.

[canonicallysoulmates]

Just saw your post about the post phase 1 Marvel movies and the meme you used for CA:CW. So I'm here to ask and get you cancelled. What did you think about the movie? Are you Team Stark or Team Rogers?

........................................................I knew this day would come......okay, let's get me cancelled!

I hate this movie, I hate this movie with every fiber of my being. Watching it was torture, it as the longest 20hrs of my life. It was like living out one of those very confusing math problems I started this movie at 10am somehow 6pm rolls around and there are still 2hrs left! Coño cómo?! I watched this with my mom, and when we checked how much time was left we were left looking at each other like 'que carajo what twilight zone bullshit is this?' It's one of those Marvel movies that I am so glad I did not waste my money on, I wish I could get a refund for my time but I made my choice and I shall now have to deal with it.

I hate this movie for many reasons but I'm not gonna make y'all wait any longer for what you're really here for because I know what y'all really want to know is whether I am Team Iron Man or Team Captain America. When it comes to the political aspects ie. the Accords, I am Team Neither.

Now, I cannot get into a comprehensive debate about the Accords because the writers did a shitty ass job, in a 2 and a 1/2 hour movie that felt like a lifetime, at explaining what exactly the Accords are in the movie universe. Emphasis on the movie universe, because I have seen debates go on in this motherfucking fandom where some people will bring up aspects from the comics Registration Acts but we're not talking about the comics okay, we're talking about the movies! And they're two fucking different things! And the movie did a shitty ass job at explaining what the Accords are, and that's one of the reasons I hate this movie: that it's so badly written.

But back to the point, which is where I stand on the teams when it comes to the politics, I am Team Neither because ultimately they were both idiots on how they handled this, and I think they both have good points like yes the Avengers and other superheroes should 100% be held accountable if they fuck up, the fact that they are superheroes and the "good guys" doesn't mean that their actions shouldn't have consequences but at the same time Steve's mistrust of the government and concerns that the team and others could be weaponized are also valid so I think they both have good points when it comes down to it and the smart thing to do - and in my opinion what would have made a much better film- would have been to come together and make like a counterproposal, decide on amendments, try to ensure they can get a representative so they have a voice on the table.

So, there you go when it comes to the Accords I am Team Neither however when it comes to the characters and their actions I am 1,000% Team Tony. At the end of the day he wanted to do what was best for both people and for his team, he wanted to keep the team together because he knew they were stronger together, and he was thinking long term not short term.

And then there's Steve who is an asshole in this film and completely lacks self awareness, cause there's a scene in the film after they've found out about the Accords where Steve goes "that's because he already made up his mind" about Tony and I'm just like bitch so did you, pot meet kettle, Rogers you knew from the get go that you weren't going to sign those papers don't go acting different and then like- here's the thing Steve has some very good points when it comes to the Accords but one of his points is that the UN is filled with people with agendas and agendas change which true but also motherfucker you yourself have an agenda! The whole Sokovia mess is an example that they cannot be trusted to hold themselves or each other accountable because inevitably the time will come where they'll want to protect their team mate like we see in this movie Steve do with Bucky, or how he wanted to protect Wanda because he looks at her as if she were a child not an adult. Steve, you lot are not exempt from having your own agendas and biases.

And through pretty much the entire movie, he has this whole my way or the highway attitude like this man does not know the meaning of compromise in this film, and he has such tunnel vision for Bucky- and listen! listen, listeeeeeen, I get it, I don't judge Steve for making his bestie a priority; I understand that Bucky is incredibly important to Steve, that he's the one person who's gonna look at him as just Steve and not as the Steve Rogers, I get that he carries a guilt over what happened to his friend, I understand he misses him, I understand all of that and respect the ride or die game but goddamn he was so focused on being a good friend to Bucky that he forgot about everyone and everything else and was a shit friend to Tony.

Actually a lot of people in this film were shit to Tony for no goddamn reason but Steve was such a shitty friend not telling Tony about his parents, that was a shitty ass thing to do and listen! I know what some of y'all are thinking you're thinking some version of 'he wanted to protect Tony' shut the fuck up. No, no, that's an excuse and it's a cheap one, you know damn well that was a shitty thing for Steve to do and y'all know damn well you would have reacted the same way Tony did if someone who you thought was your goddamn friend knew about something horrible that happened to people that were important to you and they never told you; that kind of shit hurts, and finding out someone you thought of as a friend doesn't care about you as much as you care about them hurts.

And y'all know goddamn well how emotions work, you know emotions aren't gonna wait for the rational brain to kick in don't some of y'all go playing dumb as if you didn't know this shit. Same way deep down all of y'all know Tony was holding his punches, that man gave Thanos a fight and got some blood if he had wanted to kill Bucky he would have. Don't none of y'all motherfuckers try to play games and act like you don't know this info.

Steve was a shit friend to Tony. Period. The least he could have done is have some empathy or compassion towards Tony when he saw his parent's being killed- and I swear to motherfucking god to the person who is getting close to their keyboard thinking of saying he showed compassion by not killing him back the fuck away from your motherfucking keyboard what did I tell you about playing stupid, this is properly tagged, stay in your fucking lane. Some of y'all be acting as if it were still 2016 and we're gonna be talking about that too, anon wanted my opinion on this film so now I'm going off.

Back to what I was saying, in some ways Steve wasn't a perfect friend to Bucky either cause he kept looking at Bucky and thinking of the guy he used to know but Bucky's not that person anymore, he's been through a lot of shit and it feels at times like Steve didn't fully realize that.

I hate Steve in this movie, I wanna punch him in the throat; he's an ass, he thinks he's above the rules, he's unaware of his own flaws, he might be a good friend to Bucky but that's it. I don't blame Steve though I blame the writers cause they're the ones who wrote him this way; moving on from Steve, I wanna talk about Wanda real quick, I don't hate the character of Wanda but I do hate the way she was written in this film, I hate that the writers expect us as an audience to look at this adult and think of her as a defenseless child who should be exempt from consequences, I hate that instead of actually doing something with her and exploring some interesting dynamics they just give her an AI boyfriend and a pinterest quote which sounds nice but falls flat especially considering she says said quote as she uses her powers (which is what people are afraid of) to send her love interest down several floors of a building. They could have done so many cool and interesting things with her, shame they didn't.

Another thing I hate about this film is what it did to the fandom, and how it was promoted because it was very much promoted as a pick your fighter, pick a side type of movie and after this movie came out I feel like the divide between Tony fans and Steve fans grew toxically and the effects are still seen to this day like some people really do be acting as if it were still 2016 and attacking others for what side they went with or for who their fav between the two is, and I'll be very honest a lot of the hate I have seen has been directed towards Tony and Tony fans. I hate that, I hate when TPTB deliberately pits fans against each other cause it just encourages a toxic environment.

Let me think was there anything that I liked about this film- wait, oh my god talking about all these other things I hate almost made me forget the thing I hate the most about this movie: it's pointless. Its existence is unnecessary; the biggest aspect of this film isn't the politics of the Accords, it's Steve and Bucky and how far Steve is willing to go for Bucky and have him by his side...but Endgame exists. The end of Endgame turns this film pointless, because the only true point of this movie is the relationship between Steve and Bucky that's the biggest takeaway from the whole thing, but then you have the end of Endgame where Steve just leaves Bucky.

I hated this film before I saw Endgame but after.....I never plan to watch Civil War again but if I did I'm pretty sure I'd self combust cause I'd be so angry I'd scream every time Steve appeared cause that son of a bitch ends up leaving; tears the whole team apart only to end up leaving his friend behind in the end.

I hate this film, I hate everything about it, well that's not true I love the Tony and Peter stuff, but aside from a couple of things I hate this movie, someone give me time stone I'm eliminating it from the timeline.

So, there you go those are my thoughts on CA: CW.

In conclusion, I am Team Neither on the Accords, Team Tony on everything else, Steve I still like you but this movie demoted you in my eyes and makes me wanna punch you in the throat.

[maximoff-pan]

Just Faking It? | Peter Maximoff x Reader

Summary: When you and Peter enter a fake relationship, what does that do to your friendship? Can you keep yourself from breaking the one rule you set? Do not fall in love. Can he?

Character: Peter Maximoff x Fem!Reader

Fandom: X-Men

Word Count: 2.9k 

A/n: It’s been a hot minute since I posted, but online school has been Kicking. My, Ass. AnyWAy....I am back now! I’m really nervous to post this and I knowwww the ending is trash but it just kept getting worse so (please bear with me). Hopefully my writing will get better. Despite my shitty scribe, I hope you can enjoy this, and maybe, even possibly like it???

Comments and feedback are also very much appreciated! A girl needs inspiration to write (if ya know, ya know).... 

You’re minding your business (in your room mind you) when your door flies open, and in comes a flurry of grey. As quickly as the door is opened, it’s slammed shut. You know exactly who the culprit is, that part is particularly evident to you, but what puzzles you is the absence of a reason for his dramatic entrance. It’s like he thinks you can read his mind or something....(you can, but that’s besides the point). That’s not really what you’re supposed to be using your mutation for and Peter knows that.

“I really fucked up.” He eventually breathes. But it leaves you with more questions than answers.

You tilt your head towards him, squinting your eyes as if to challenge a response from him. So?” You ask.

“What the fuck do you mean?” Widening his eyes, he appears in a minor panic. “I come rushing in here, telling you that I fucked up, and your only response is: ‘so?’”

“Peter, if I had a dollar for every time you told me you fucked up, I’d certainly be the richest telepath in this mansion, and Charles owns this damn place.”

He cranes his neck in frustration, a sigh falling from his lips. “Well this time, I really fucking mean it.”

He’s fidgeting a lot more than usual, and when you glance at him, his eyes dart from yours. If you know anything about Peter, and you like to think you know almost everything about him, you know that based on the way he’s acting, that he didn’t just fuck something up for himself, he’s also fucked something up for you.

Disappointed, but not at all surprised, you ask, “What did you do? And how does it involve me?”

*****

Peter Maximoff has always had a way with words. No matter what he says...nor how fast he says he it, he can always manage to get you to do whatever he wants. Sure, to the average person Peter may be incessantly annoying, but to you, he is overly charming. He’s always just been so....perfect...for a lack of a better term.

And it’s not like you haven’t tried to bury those feelings. You really really have. But every time you’re near each other, your heart beats a little bit faster and your eyes just fixate on him. He draws you in with his infectiously upbeat, care free - who gives a shit it’s the end of the world, let’s just have fun - kinda vibes. It’s intoxicating as fuck....and so, extremely bad for you. But it’s what you need. You actually need him.

So unfortunately (maybe fortunately...it really depends on the day), Peter Maximoff has you whipped like the fucking whiplash he’s always warning you about...and whether he knows that or not is the real question. You hope to God he doesn’t; you’ve tried so damn hard to hide it. It....Them...Your feelings....And this is the trickiest part. You’re not sure when you came to this realization, but: You’re in love with your best friend.....

And honestly....shit...what the fuck feelings??? That is not a good revelation to be having. That’s never a good revelation to be having. And that’s for many fucking reasons, including but not limited to:

He’s your best friend

He’s your best friend

He’s your best friend

Did you mention he’s your best friend? Did you?

To top it all off, your anxiety about what is justifiably a crapshoot of a situation (being in love with your best friend is no cake walk friends...don’t try this at home) has risen ten-fucking-fold. Because you’d do anything for him.

And that’s how you’ve gotten yourself into the inescapable shit storm you have now: fake dating Peter Maximoff....

Look, in all respects, it could be worse. You’re not really sure how, but that’s just what you’re telling yourself to make this whole thing feel a little better. Damn you and being a good friend...You should’ve just said no. But how could you have possibly said it without giving yourself away?

‘Sorry Peter, I’m too busy being in love with you to be your fake girlfriend. Maybe later.’

You just couldn’t do it to him. He needed your help, and there was just no way you could say no to him. He’s your biggest weakness yet your greatest joy in life. He’s your kryptonite.

*****

Peter feels like shit. He thought dating you would be the best thing in the entire fucking universe....and it is. Except for the fact that it’s not real.

When Scott and Jean had called bullshit on Peter for telling them he in fact, does have a girlfriend, (when he really, really doesn’t), he panicked. So he told them the name of the first person he thinks of, the first person he always thinks of: you.

If Peter’s being honest with himsef, the whole conversation was stupid to begin with, and he should’ve just kept his mouth shut. But Peter lives for laughter, particularly making his friends laugh, even sometimes at the expense of a couple of his other friends.

It started off as a slow bit of teasing, and Peter was getting laughs fromJubilee and Kurt, who were both quite enjoying his little comedy fest. Peter in his carefree manner, jabbed joke after joke about Scott being whipped by Jean, mocking their incessant pda and need to be around each other, when Scott threw it back at him.

“Have you ever even had a girlfriend Maximoff?”

And that’s when Peter fucked up.

That’s when he proceeded to say: “Fuck you Summers. If you must know, I have a girlfriend.”

I have a girlfriend...present tense. Which is nothing but a lie. A blatant, blatant lie. But it just slipped out of his mouth, and while Scott and Jean both called bullshit, he couldn’t back down at that point. It was far too late, and would be far too embarrassing to try and weave himself out of the web he had created. So he told them he was dating you, which...fair. You already act like you’re dating 99% of the time, and you are in love with each other (not that either of you knows the other’s feelings on the matter), so it would seem very believable....But the big problem with this blurting of words (as Peter had called it later), laid in the fact that Peter had to do this without your consent. You had no idea nor a choice in being brought into this, and that’s why Peter feels like he’s fucked up so much.

Because as much as he wants to date you, and as much as he loves dating you (even though it’s all pretend), he can’t help but fear that you resent him for bringing you into his problems. If you do resent it, you’re doing a pretty damn good job of hiding it. Every person that has passed by you, the news of your relationship spreading fast, has told you: it was only a matter of time. And then they’d smirk at you, seemingly proud that they had predicted this all along.

And yet, it’s all fake, and all your classmates and teachers, (except Charles...because he knows the both of you too well and honestly is too fed up with your shenanigans to intervene), are wrong. They’re being fooled...but Peter can’t help but wonder if he’s the one being fooled. Because it feels so real. Too real.

*****

He holds your hand in the halls, swinging your arm back and forth teasingly, telling himself that he’s only keeping up appearances, and yet his whole aura brightens. Peter’s not acting, and the fact that you are genuinely scares him. Because you’re so believable, and it hurts so much to have you, but to know it’s all a lie.

“I guess I owe it to you Maximoff.” Scott sneaks in between you two, breaking not only your hands apart, but popping the blissful bubble you had been in. “I’ve never seen two people so right for each other.”

The smile drops from Peter’s face, but like always, you’re there to save him. “I know.” You send Scott a sly grin. “You never should have doubted us.”

Us, Peter thinks. He knows you mean it, in the sense that you’re best friends, but it only hurts him more. The frown on his face tightens, as he attempts to avoid your gaze. He can feel you pulling him into your side, wrapping your arms around him. This action snaps an automatic response, and his lips pull into a soft smile, his face relaxing.

“Never will again.” Scott smiles fondly at the two of you, seemingly genuinely happy for you.

You place a kiss on Peter’s cheek, nearly grazing the corner of his mouth, and in that moment he wants you to kiss him, for real this time. It’s an urge he’s had before, but never as innate as this.

On instinct, he turns your body so that you’re facing him, and he kisses you. It’s instantaneous and it feels so so right. Your initial shock fades away and you lean into the kiss, your arms gracefully resting on Peter’s shoulders, slowly wrapping loosely around his neck. You raise onto the tips of your toes, desperately yearning for more. It feels like a tidal wave washing over you, soaking you in a plethora of feelings.

This has to be something, you think. What you have...it must mean something. Because you can feel his energy, his thoughts and desperations pouring into your mind. His exact thoughts are blurred, but you can feel the emotions that are flooding through.

“Jeez. Message sent.” Scott mumbles with a slight joking tone in his voice. “I’ll never make that mistake again.”

By the time you let each other go, Scott is retreating down the hallway, and you stare sheepishly at each other, both of you wondering: what the fuck was that?

*****

Nearly half an hour later, you’re once again sitting on your bed, when Peter comes barging through your door. A strong sense of déjà vu washes over you, your eyes quickly darting to his. To Peter, that half an hour feels like multiple. You should have remembered that his internal clock works a lot differently than yours.

The expression on his face is pained. “I’m sorry.” He blurts out. “I know I fucked up.”

“Peter-“ you try to interject, but it’s no use.

“I don’t know what I was thinking (Y/n). I just...I didn’t mean to. It was a mistake and I didn’t mean to drag you into my shit...”

It was a mistake. Your heart drops. You could have sworn that there was something between you, that it wasn’t as one sided as you had once thought.

“Do you regret it?” You’re trying to convey a front on neutrality, but it feels like it’s faltering.

“Of course.” He replies, and your heart shatters further.

“Oh.”

Your voice sounds so dejected that Peter has to rewind the tone of your ‘oh’ in his mind. Did you think it meant something? Did it mean to you as much as it means to him?

“(Y/n).” His eyebrows raise in conflict. “I didn’t mean-“

“It’s alright Pete...I understand.” You’re warm with him. You think he’s just turned you down, and you’re being so kind to him, trying to make it easier for him. Little do you know about the war he’s fighting in his mind. Just how much he wants to tell you how he feels. “It was silly of me to even entertain that it meant anything.”

But it did! But it does! He wants so badly to say, but the words won’t come out of his mouth. Blurting words before he could think of the repercussions was what had gotten him into this situation, and now that he needs to blurt what he’s thinking, his mouth can’t seem to move.

You can see the look on his face. He feels guilty. He doesn’t want to hurt you. It was foolish of you to say yes to him, to being his fake girlfriend, when you knew this would happen.

“Peter, I’m sorry.” You’re really trying to demonstrate to him how much you hope this hasn’t ruined your relationship. “It’s okay. I’m so okay, as long as we can still be friends.”

“No!” That’s the one fucking word that Peter is able to get out of his mouth? No?

Your eyes drop to the floor, and you avoid his gaze. Just a few days earlier Peter had been talking about just how much he’d fucked up, now you guess it’s you who’s the one that fucked up.

“Oh.”

And there’s that dejected ‘oh’ again that has Peter reeling. “That’s not what I meant!” He pushes the words out.

You’re becoming more and more flustered, embarrassed, and confused by the moment. “I don’t know what you want from me Pete! Just be fucking straight with me. That’s all I ask.”

Your frustration is understandable and Peter knows it...does he ever. He’s thinking, trying to get the words to come out when an idea comes to him, and he finally is able to calmly state: “Read my mind.”

Now this is a complicated statement for a number of reasons. The first reason is quite simple. When you became friends, you and Peter had made a set of rules, promising to always be open with each other, and to never use your powers on each other. And that was Peter’s biggest rule: never read my mind. Now he’s telling you to, pleading you to, because it’s the only way he can tell you how he feels. His thoughts could never lie to you, they could never hide from you if you didn’t want them to.

And second, breaking that rule would mean breaking that promise. It goes against the very foundation of your friendship, and so for Peter to ask this of you, it must mean that he has something very important to say. You’re just not sure you’re brave enough to hear it...

“Peter,” you question, tilting your head in absolute confusion, as if to say to him, are you sure?

“Read my mind.” He affirms. A look of panic crosses your features, and when he sees the distressed you are, he nods gently. “It’s okay. I promise. You can do it.”

You nod your head, signaling to him that you’re going to do it. “Okay.” You say timidly, entering the complex of his mind.

You’re flooded with memories of the two of you together, laughing and beaming with happiness. Pushing through the visuals, you reach his thoughts, allowing your mind to hear them clearly. After years of blocking them out instinctively, it feels so foreign to open that door.

‘I love you.’ It’s Peter’s voice in your mind. It’s unmistakable, yet so surreal that you almost miss what he says...almost. ‘I’m in love with you.’

Your eyes blink open in shock, pulling yourself so suddenly out of his mind, the door to his thoughts slamming shut once again. He’s watching you patiently, waiting for your response. But Peter’s never really been one for waiting.

“I never wanted it to be fake you know.” He breaks the silence for you. “If I had known just how hard it would be to fake our relationship, I never would have thought of saying your name in the first place.”

A chuckle of relief bubbles from your throat. “You better not be fucking with me...”

“I’d never do that.” He says.

“I beg to differ.” You joke, eyes staring softly into his. “The amount of times you’ve fucked with me on shit is insurmountable.”

“Hmm.” He grins menacingly. “And yet, I’ve never fucked you.” He raises one eyebrow in a mockingly seductive manner. Only Peter would make a sex joke to lessen the tension...or to ruin what would’ve been a perfectly romantic moment....you’re not really sure which.

You nearly choke on your own laugh. “Already jumping to third base Pete? Last time I checked, you were only on first.”

“That’s cause I’m so fucking fast baby.” His wink sends you into an internal conflict. and you don’t know if it’s really funny, or really hot. His eyes are pouring into yours, as if daring you to just kiss him...

...So you do. Your arms fly up to wrap around his neck as you pull Peter’s lips onto yours. He melts into your embrace almost instantly, a giggle bubbling in your mouth as he moves his hands up from your waist.

He pulls away with a dumbstruck smile on his face, his silver hair flopping in all directions. “I want to make this real.” He places a hand softly on your cheek.

“I do too.” You reply, hopefully.

His eyes soften at the sight of you. “Be my girlfriend? For real this time?”

“For real this time.” You nod, a grin stretching across your face.

And it’s truly the most at peace you’ve ever felt in your life. Which will probably last all of five seconds before Peter comes running back to you, telling you he’s fucked something up again, but that doesn’t matter to you, as long as you have each other.

“Maybe, for once in my life,” Peter’s voice is low and calm, “I didn’t fuck something up.”

Maybe for once in his life, Peter Maximoff had gotten something right...

*****

Tags:

@idjitdestiel @what-the-stories-have-foretold @lucyqueenofthestars @justsomerandomjunk @cherikxstucky @scorpionchild81

[thedemonstherapist]

Tension Solution

Summary: “I think this tension between us needs resolving. Be that with swords against each other’s necks or in my bed. You decide”. 

Wordcount: ~4,2K

Pairing: Kaeya Alberich x GN! Reader

Warnings: Swearing, Enemies to Lovers, Sexual innuendos, Small mentions of blood

Author’s Note: Here it is! My Kaeya enemies to fuckers piece. A huge thank you to @gnocchi-ghoul​ for Beta reading this for me! I had such fun writing this, and you all know I’m a sucker for some good tensioned sworfighting, and this smug bastard has been on my mind ever since starting to play the game. I know this is not my usual content, but I write when I want, about who I want, ok? I’ve had so little inspiration over the past months that I’ve got to take chances like these and go with them.

Banner is not mine! If you know who to credit it to, let me know, I couldn’t find it!

There he came again. That stupid coin between his fingers, flung into the air at random intervals. That stupid grin softening his face, cheerful greetings echoing through the noisy hall. Oh, and above all, that tremendously stupid way his eyes find you immediately, just trying to do your work.

You lower your gaze, pressing your pen down onto paper with renewed determination. Jean and her new open doors policy be damned, you couldn’t wait to slam it in his face. Of course it’s the last few minutes of visiting hours that he decides to come back from his commission. Three blissful weeks of calm while he was stationed out near the Liyue border, no comments, no irksome remarks, no-

“Don’t tell me you’re too busy to greet me”. 

You sigh. Kaeya observes you with his arms crossed, casually lent against the doorframe. His sword is still strapped to his back, droplets of water running down the blade, and he clearly hasn’t gone to take a shower yet, covered in dirt, mud and sporadic dried blood. 

“Captain”. You can’t help your displeasured tone. “I see you’re back”. 

“Inspector”. He raises a brow in retaliation. “I sent a notice stating my return three days ago”. 

“Oh, that”. You pick the unintelligible letter from your desk with two fingers, holding it at an arm’s length. “Apparently your messenger didn't go for a swim on the way here. Could you confirm?”

His jaw tightens momentarily, as you note with satisfaction, but it doesn’t deter the grin. “You should be used to my handwriting by now”. 

You place it back on your desk with contempt. “I am not. Hopefully your report to Jean is a little more… readable”. 

He shrugs, beginning to peel off his gloves. “She’s never complained about it”. 

Taking a deep breath, you try to calm yourself down. Kaeya tends to make you irrationally angry, and no, it wasn’t just the absolute nonchalante recklessness he treated his position and commissions with. You couldn’t count the times he’d risked more than his own life in battle, somehow always managing to pull it off in the last second. And of course, that was his surefire way to getting out of trouble, no matter how much Jean grilled him for it afterwards.

“Go clean up”. You try your best to make your dismissal abundant, leaning back over your work. “You’re dripping water on my carpet”. 

“Oh, we’re touchy today, aren’t we?” Kaeya’s grin widens into a smirk, pushing himself off the frame. “Did Fawks hit on you during your patrols again?” 

“That’s none of your business”. You shoot him a glare, tapping your nails impatiently. As if you still had the opportunity to go out on patrols, you’d been holed up in your office pretty much ever since becoming Inspector. You wished you could get out again, your body had been aching for some action for weeks, but he was the last person you’d ever confess that to.

Kaeya hums lightly, and instead of exiting, takes another step into the office. His eyes wandered your shelves with staged disinterest, but you knew he was looking for something to use as ammunition.

“I’m assuming you couldn’t hear me” you state, sarcasm adding a bite to your tone. “I told you to clean up. You look like you haven’t seen soap since leaving Mondstadt”. 

“Oh, Y/N, always so worried about my appearance” he muses, drawing closer to your desk. God, you hated that stupid cat-like expression he bore, so sly and pretentious. “I’d be more worried about yourself, frankly”. 

“I’m not playing these games, Kaeya”, you reply sharply, fingers tightening around your pen. “Go take a damn shower, and stop ruining my carpet. I don’t know why your immediate goal seems to piss me off, but I’d like to maintain some level of professional dignity between us”. 

He rolls his eyes. “By Barbatos, you really are wound up today. I doubt that’s just my fault”. 

“Be delusional, then”. You shake your head. “I don’t think Jean would appreciate another formal complaint, so do her the favour, if not for me, and get out of my office”. 

“Fine”. He turns around, but not before throwing you another glance, and damn it, you know he has one last trick up his sleeve, just by the way he says it. “However, before I forget-”. 

“What?”

“You’re pre-reading my report for Jean. Her orders”. 

---

“... and that bastard didn't even take the time to brief me about the mission outcome, the entire time he was dirtying up my office!” You end your rant with an angry flourish, slamming your hand down on the table. “I don’t know what he intended with that whole interaction, he just likes making my day so much worse!” 

Your friend chuckles, stirring her drink idly, an ocean of calm in comparison to your raging fury. “Man, if we weren’t close, I would never guess Kaeya to be such a pain in the ass. Each time I’ve encountered him he’s been so chivalrous and kind”. 

“He just can’t keep it in his pants”. You cross your arms, sitting back in your chair with a huff. “If you ever end up in his bed, I will personally hunt him down”. 

She laughs. “Oh, don’t worry, I won’t put you in that position”. 

“I just don’t understand it”. You run a hand through your hair, glancing around the tavern. It was unusually crowded for a Thursday night, you’d been lucky to get your usual table. “Why he has this stupid grudge against me. We used to be normal colleagues, back when we were both only trainee’s and officers, but then one day the switch flipped and it’s like we can’t stand the sight of each other ever since. The worst thing is, he has every last person in Mondstadt wrapped around his finger! So nobody understands my frustration!”

“First of all, Diluc exists. Second of all, aren’t you higher ranking than him?” she asks, and you regretfully shake your head. 

“No, Captains and Inspectors are on the same level. I personally didn't feel ready to be a leader in combat situations, so I passed on the opportunity. Now I miss active commissions so much, my poor sword is nothing more than an ancient relic at this point”. 

“Surely, you’ll still be sent out?” 

“I don’t have a command, the only times I might be are on extraordinarily dangerous or sizable sightings, or for assistance to Captains. Rue the day I get sent out with Kaeya”. You shudder at the thought. “That would end in total disaster”. 

“So you really have no idea why Kaeya began to dislike you so suddenly?” your friend inquires, tilting her head aside. You shake yours. “And there wasn’t some kind of incident that caused this?” 

“Not that I know of”.

A grin spreads over her face. “Hey, you ever considered that he likes you a little too much for his own good?” 

“That’s some misogynistic bullshit”, you snort. “Guys are rude to people because they like them, yeah right. That’s just trying to normalise shitty behaviour in the name of quote-on-quote love”. 

“I know that”. She gives you an exasperated look. “But… you have to admit that the two of you have some serious chemistry”. 

“What are you even talking about?” you question, downing the rest of your drink. 

“Every time you two interact”. She raises a brow knowingly. “Remember that time you were bickering on patrol through Mondstadt? I swear, even without a vision, I could see sparks between the two of you, and I wasn’t the only one, you got the entire town talking. You get on each other’s nerves because you have some unresolved tension you need to work out, and neither of you wants to admit it”. 

“Shut up”. Your cheeks suddenly feel suspiciously warm, and you firmly decide it’s the alcohol. “Fine, Kaeya’s attractive, but he’s so fucking annoying because he knows that. He messes with me ‘cause he knows how to get in my head, and gets some kind of sadistic pleasure from it”. 

Your friend makes an attempt to interrupt you, but you don’t let her, motioning to her to let you rant. “Let me finish. He was nice enough up until he got that damn ego boost after being promoted, I think, and even then I could still talk to him without the need to stab myself in the eye. He’s just so frustrating, never thinks twice about anything he does, and always gets away with it, plus he has this weird urge to always show off that stupidly toned chest of his and - by the Seven, I hate that idiot smirk of his, and the fact that he’s so damn perfect at his swordsmanship, I can’t even deny how good he is in battle, Jean has said he rivals her, and I despise that he knows he looks good while doing it, he-”

“So, how much longer were you going to let them just talk?” A voice offhandedly asks from behind you, and the blood in your veins turns to ice. Your friend smiles lazily, winking at you. 

“Oh, you know, however long they need. Y/N’s been ranting quite a bit this evening, you really get on their nerves”. 

You whip around, and sure enough, there he is, the cause of this mess. Kaeya has his arms folded, grinning down at you with thinly veiled satisfaction. You’re pretty sure half of the tavern is watching, and your blood turns from freezing to seething within seconds. 

“How long have you been there?” you ask stiffly, glaring at your friend. She pulls an innocent face, leaning back in her seat with performative disinterest. Traitor. 

“Just long enough to hear what I needed to”. Kaeya’s grin is threatening to split his face in half. “You really think I’m that attractive, huh? I never would have guessed”. 

You jump up from your chair, spitting out the first thing that comes to mind. “Fight me”. 

He actually laughs, a few of the tavern occupants joining in. “What? Are you sure you’re not mixing up a couple words there?”

You clench your jaw, deciding to just go with it. “Fight me. Knights of Favonius training ring, tomorrow morning. I’m sick of your attitude”. 

“Oh?” He cocks a brow at you. “I hope you’re ready after wasting away in that office of yours”. 

“I could beat you blindfolded”, you reply presumptuously, mimicking his stance, unable to ignore the fact that he smells a little too good for your tipsy state. At least he finally took your orders. You hold his stare regardless, unwilling to give in.

“Thank the Seven, you’re working this out at last”, your friend sighs, sipping at her drink. “And here I thought you’d take the sexual tension to the grave”. 

Kaeya’s lip twitches in amusement as he extends one hand. “Tomorrow morning at seven. I’ll try not to kill you then, for that sake alone”.

You give him a dirty look, reluctantly shaking his hand. “Your chance of me doing the same is decreasing with every word that leaves your mouth”. 

“I can live with that”. He suddenly leans closer, and before you can pull away, whispers in your ear, sultry tone leaving the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. “You’re going down, darling”. 

Like Hell you are.

---

The training hall is usually relatively empty at this time of day. Some dedicated trainee’s use the morning to get their routine over, but otherwise, not many knights exercise this early. And though at least a few of them must have heard of what happened last night, not many are to be seen. Even if you could live with an audience, you decide this way is perfectly fine, especially in case of the (distinctly undesirable and should-be-impossible outcome) of you losing to him. You’re a bit out of breath from warming up, fixing your shirt before making your way over to the ring.

Kaeya is waiting for you there, clad in athleisure and in the midst of testing out a beginner’s sword. His vision is nowhere to be seen, and you curse him a little for not giving you something more to berate him for. Nevertheless, you straighten up as you approach.

“Good morning”, you greet him nonchalantly, walking over to inspect the racks of weapons. 

A grin flashes across his face as he turns around, wiping the sweat off his brow. “Hello, darling”.

“Sweating already?” You raise a brow at him, deciding to ignore the nickname. “And here I thought I’d have a challenge”. 

Kaeya laughs, rolling out his wrist. “You are cute when you’re acting tough”. Tilting his head aside, he watches you take your pick of one of the swords. The morning light bathes him in a soft glow, falling through the high windows, hair tied up in a messy bun at the back of his head, and- wait. Your cheeks grow hot as you realise what absurd directions your thoughts are heading to. Your friend must have gotten under your skin more than you realised last night. 

Shaking your head a little, you roll your shoulders back and face him head-on. “Whatever makes you feel better. For the rules, as by training code, drawing blood is an immediate end”. 

“No visions, no hits near the head or vital organs, dull blades and stop means stop”, Kaeya counts up calmly, making his way to the center of the ring. His blue eye gleams playfully in the light, and he swings the sword near aimlessly while walking. You grit your teeth at his relaxed manner. He wasn’t taking this seriously at all, huh?

“Don’t worry, Inspector”. He winks as he comes to a halt before you, maintaining the mandated arm’s distance. “I know the rules”. 

“I’d hope so”, you reply, getting into position and watching him do the same. You decide to stir the pot a little, knowing it’s best to get into his head, and feign a smile. “I can’t wait until the rest of the knights hear about how royally I kicked your ass”. 

He laughs lowly, and is immediately on the attack. Anticipating such, after years of observing him in battle, you parry it easily, ducking aside to avoid the next one. You wait until he’s nearly backed you into the corner, ego visibly growing with every move he makes, and take a rolling dive, knocking his legs out from under him with your own. 

He manages to catch himself, and you’re relieved by the split-second of surprise in his expression. You withdraw towards the middle, blowing a stray strand of hair out of your face and, in a rush of adrenalin, smirk at him. “Not so confident now, are we, Captain?”

“You’re not as out of shape as I anticipated”, he counters, slashing his sword through the air as he repositions himself. Brows narrowing playfully, he adds: “It’ll make it more fun to thoroughly take you apart”. 

You don’t give him more time to prepare. Blades crash onto each other as he masterfully deflects your attacks, and it doesn’t take long for the two of you to get out of breath. Neither of you can land a hit, no matter how feasible it seems. He handles the comparatively bulky sword with enviable ease, and you grow frustrated quickly, unable to break through his defences. In turn, you don’t let him back you into any corner, constantly keeping the playing field level and returning every new strike with your own.

“You know what, I’ve missed this”, Kaeya pants, quick to switch hands as you sidestep him, attempting to land a hit on his blinde side. 

“Huh?” is all you can answer in return, deflecting his counter aimed at your back, and darting aside. 

“Training”. He nearly misses the parry, forced to back up if not to risk a blow to his abdomen. “With you”. He shoots you a brash smile, easily twisting out of your range.

You huff, irritated at the fact that he still has the mind to flirt. “Your silver tongue isn’t getting you out of this one”. 

“I meant it”. And of damn course, his tactic worked, the point of his blade sinking into your shoulder. “Remember when we used to practise together?” 

“Before you became a dick, you mean?” you shoot back, attempting an aggressive strike at his lower thigh. Your body is getting sore, heart pounding against your ribcage, breaths coming out short and strained, but despite it all, you’re enjoying this. In any case, you’d rather die than admit to him that you’re having fun. 

You really needed to get out of your office more.

Kaeya laughs, equally exhausted, before advancing at an alarming speed. “I’ll give you that one, darling”. 

Your blades cross, metal clashing loudly, and you can see an opportunity form as he shortly weakens his hold. Rotating your sword in the opposite direction to try and hook beneath his, you’re so distracted by the possibility of disarming him that you don’t notice the satisfaction that washes over his expression as you do. One swift swipe of his foot and you’re falling backwards, weapon nearly ripped from your hand. 

Your back hits the mat with full force, air knocked out of your lungs, causing you to give a strangled gasp. Kaeya is smirking down at you, but he’s as out of breath as you are and there’s sweat soaking his shoulders. You don’t think before you move, so infuriated by the words you know are about to leave his mouth, fingers tightening around the handle. 

The hit against his shins sends him to the ground, but not sideways as planned, instead straight onto you. You don’t have the time or the mind to roll out of the way, and he tries very hard to catch himself, hands landing on either side of you. You yelp as most of his weight hits you, momentarily forgetting what’s even happening. 

 “Fuck”, Kaeya groans, arms shaking as he tries to brace himself. “You like playing dirty, don’t you?” 

Slowly regaining the ability to breathe after nearly being crushed, your eyes dart to see him dangling over you, legs and lower body resting on your own. If anyone hears of this out of context, you’re moving to the other end of Teyvat. He’s panting, no doubt as shocked as you are, strands of his hair tickling your nose. His face is mere inches away from yours, heat seeping through his clothes onto your skin. 

Decidedly too close.

Your blade kissing his throat is a much better sight. You know you’re technically breaking the rules, but the way his eye widens, corners of his mouth twitching and brows raising to the sky is just too good of a picture. 

“Get off me”. You growl, trying to steady yourself with your other hand. 

His laugh sounds astounded, but contrary to your demand, he does not. Instead, his chin juts forward, pressing the metal into his skin for earnest. There’s no blood, of course, all these swords are dulled to near uselessness, but it does leave you speechless at the amount of reckless pride he seems to possess. 

 Kaeya hums, clearly satisfied at your reaction. “I’ll be honest, this is not how I initially pictured you under me”. 

What a smug son of a-

“Oh, fuck off”. Your knee makes contact with his stomach and he rolls off you with a grunt. You scramble to your feet, grimacing at what you're sure will be a bruised tailbone later. He’s already composed himself, twirling his sword idly as you get a proper grip on your own. Looking you up and down, his grin widens into a smirk.

“Though you do look similar to the imaginary aftermath”. 

“I am going to kill you”, you hiss, red flashing before your eyes as you charge at him. Kaeya begins to laugh once more, but it quickly dies down as your moves become more and more aggressive, driving him out of the ring and towards the wall. The thought of whoever may be around again crosses your mind, but honestly, you can’t care about who may be watching, every last bit of strength you have left is focused on Kaeya and his stupid fucking face and the way he evades your strikes with a precision that only leaves to be desired to every onlooker. It makes you want to actually scream. You finally land two hits on him, arms beginning to shake from exhaustion and overwhelming adrenalin. 

But once more, Kaeya catches you off guard. The switch flips just as his leg hits the wall and you’re just beginning to notice your own smile, sure of your victory. His expression darkens, lip caught in his teeth as his eyes narrow down at you. 

Your blades clash as they did before, and of course he uses your own move against you, managing to perfect it. Your sword goes flying to the ground, and the moment you lose your grip is the moment you’re being slammed against the wall that he was nearly backed up against mere seconds ago. The tip of his sword is digging into the soft skin of your throat, positioned perfectly above your Adam's apple. 

Suddenly, it goes very quiet, the silence only interrupted by your laboured breaths. Maybe it’s the fact that he near literally has a knife to your throat, but you can’t tear your eyes away from him. His hand is pressing on your shoulder, pinning you to the wall, keeping you in place. His leg is slotted between yours, barring you from moving an inch. 

For the first time since you’ve met him, you have nothing to do but to admire him. Sweat is making his hair stick to his skin, an exhausted flush upon his dark cheeks. His body is visibly tense, stare boring into yours with a kind of intensity you’ve only ever seen during active combat. There’s nothing unintentional about the way he’s restraining you, nothing hesitant about the placement of the blade against your skin. His chest is heaving, teeth digging into his lip in constrained effort, fingers digging into your shoulder as if expecting you to fight back.

You don’t. 

Instead, you let out a shaky breath. The adrenalin is still surging through you, but you can’t feel the constant urge to punch him in the gut anymore. Huh. Weird. 

“You won”. Your voice is calmer than it ever has been talking to him, accepting of your defeat. Plus, your body is beginning to realise that whatever just happened hurt, and quite a bit at that. You wince, knowing you’re going to need some ice to get through the rest of the day. 

Kaeya shakes his head determinedly, stare not wavering. “You had me in practically the same position less than a minute ago. You could have flipped me over with ease and won. You didn't. That’s the only reason I got you here”. His grip on your shoulder eases up. “We’re equal”. 

Withdrawing the sword from your neck, he takes a step back, relinquishing his hold on you. You feel strangely dazed, automatically reaching to check for cuts on your neck. “I guess?”

“You okay?” He sounds relatively quiet as well, nearly uneasy, which does not fit the overconfident persona he usually bears. Whatever tension there was before has yielded to something more cautious, like strangers navigating their way across broken ice. 

You nod, reaching to pick up your sword. “Fine”. You pause briefly, debating your words before meeting his eye again. “That was… good exercise. Thanks for fighting me”. 

He laughs a little, and you’re taken aback by how much you don’t feel like reacting. What was going on? At the latest after that laugh you’d usually be back at his throat. 

“Sure”. There’s the typical amusement in his face, but his smile is less egregious and smug. It’s… kind? “I’d have no problem repeating it”. 

You raise your shoulders, unsure of what to do now. “I guess… I wouldn’t either?”

“Good”. He runs a hand through his hair in an effort to fix the mess it’s become. You’re beginning to hear the confidence you’re used to re-enter his words, but it doesn’t appear to bother you. “Friday’s at seven, then. We’ll make it a regular thing”.

“Trying to kill each other?” You surprise yourself with the attempt to ease the tension, and why in the world do you have the urge to smile at the sight of his?

“If that’s how you want to see it”. He shrugs, placing his sword back on the racks. Glancing over his shoulder, he regards you for a long moment. “I think your friend is right”. 

“In what regard?” you ask, in principle fully aware of what that expression means for you. 

Kaeya’s shit-eating grin has made its way back onto his face. “I think this tension needs resolving. Whatever means it takes”. 

You can hear the words in your head before he says them. 

“Be that with swords against each other’s necks or in my bed. You decide”.