#no im so mentally and emotionally unstimulated im not saying it should be a chaotic drill
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all i ever wanted was to be like my mother all i ever did turned out like my father
#and turned our worst than him#no actually he's alright im a new strain of fucked up in head why im not an author or a artist making something about my thoughts#why did i ever stop writing or painting or listening music obsessively i used to be cool im literally bunch of thoughts in a useless body#and i don't like anything anymore im just gaslighting myself into believing this is what growing up feels like no i was supposed to have#freedom and hobbies and will and motivation and curiousity and i used to be so excited to just. live and tell stories and explain my weird#dreams to everyone#and discover cool things on internet and make them my friends favorite thing ever#and read books and have imagination#and i don't want to do anything anymore im not having existential crisis im just not enthusiastic about being alive anymore#even though i know i have so much to do and so much to see and the world has so much to offer and ive so much potential#and im not depressed or mentally ill ive just started hating everything recently and people tell me its because its exams no???#no im so mentally and emotionally unstimulated im not saying it should be a chaotic drill#or maybe its just august and this is my seasonal depression i feel same emotions past 4 years 🤣
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