#no idea if i'm watching tomorrow since NYE but we shall see! i like this two-eps-a-day sort of thing i should finish by end of next week

[blackjack-15]

I KNEW NAT WAS PREGNANT i did not know she knew she was but i knew it!

RICHIE NO HONEY

"is that it?" *boink* "yeah" the bear is a comedy. full stop.

ebra you can do it baby i believe in you and i love you

and carmy's still cooking, still working. him and ebra.

oh syd's mum isn't there. she's not there is she she's dead or she's left or something

that was an Adorable story and i wanna see Syd imitate her mum who is definitely dead

oh candles. yeah. so why did she talk about her in the present tense to marcus? hiding it? hiding means there's prolly some trauma, and her mum wouldn't have been that old if she was the same age as her dad (he said they were both twenty when they started dating) so i'm gonna say sickness. might have been sudden, might have been prolonged, but sickness took her is my guess

"carm?" oh. i think i know who thiiiiiis issss

"claire. hi." yes, yes i did know who this is. that's not an enthusiastic reaction from carmy, but to be absolutely fair, he's rarely enthusiastic.

he is however very nervous here -- defensive posture, his face is red, tense jaw, etc. not sure these two were friends when they knew each other -- not saying they were enemies or anything, i'm just not getting the sense that they hung out much

mmm. based on this convo with syd and her dad? he's never been to The Beef in his LIFE. it would come up that they've closed down his Usual Sunday Place to do this if he had. adding that to the list of chekov's guns yet to be fired, and it's gonna be a friggin chekov's cannon ball depending on when that fuse is finally lit

"i have a partner!" "and you trust him" "yes!" gosh dangit. the subtext is text all right but like....conflict is coming

"i'm older than her now" oh land her mum died young then. and she does not believe her dad when he says she's just as wonderful as her mum was

i'm really hoping richie is gonna take a shower. that cannot be healthy

kay still talking with claire! great that doesn't make me nervous about this season at all!

"you wanted to fix [the broken arm]?" "i wanted to understand it" a very valid viewpoint, not knocking it.

but it does show the difference between them -- carmy, like in the party with the kids, like when he's checking in with richie and natalie and syd and tina, wants to help people, wants to fix stuff for them. claire wants to understand how things work -- two different approaches, two different foci.

oh. mm.

okay. okay. okay.

first off, carmy's "i should really listen to myself" about telling that kid not to become a chef? further proof if you ask me that carmy will end up stepping back from professional kitchens in some way

but

if someone so obviously does not want to be doing what they're doing -- if someone says they should not be a chef, for example, and then says that they're opening a restaurant? the first question most people would ask is: "why are you doing that then"

what claire says is "you're doing the thing!" which. i don't actually have words for that response. what in the brain-dead -- i don't care if that's what you remember of him from school or being kids or whatever, how on earth is that the response?

"because you're the bear. and i remember you." spit bucket please!

who the eff says that in a grocery store to someone holding frozen veal stock

he has absolutely no idea how to take that, wow.

in fact, yeah, i don't think carmy has any idea how to deal with personal attention like that, and he needs people to be fairly direct b/c he's sort of oblivious when it comes to how people think/act around him specifically -- he seems to understand People as a General Concept pretty well, just not as they relate to him -- which speaks to abominable self-esteem and i'm going to guess that when he says "i never had any girlfriends" it's not because a few girls (it was probably only two or three, especially being as Carmy as he is, but still) weren't interested in him, it's because he absolutely did not notice, God bless him and keep him

"i'll just get your contact information" oh here it issss here's the thing i know about

and they were so careful to have him recite his number earlier so we'd know what it is

"01....0....2." it's a VERY deliberate choice to give her the wrong number. this isn't a spur of the moment choice, he thought this through. and when she repeats it back and he has the chance to say "oh no 01 sorry", he just says "yup", no hesitation. they're emphasizing to the view that he's okay leaving it there, that this is done on purpose, that he's lying and that he knows he's lying

now there are a multitude of reasons for him doing this. if you think he does actually want contact with her, then it could be he doesn't believe she actually would want to talk to him, he doesn't have any idea how to handle her and is running, etc.

you could even say that this is classic Carmy repression -- he's not letting himself do something he wants to do because he's repressing the desire for it. that one's probably the strongest argument -- really the only valid argument -- on that side

but.

i think that the reason to have this in this episode specifically? is because he and syd have that conversation about the three-star call in this episode

remember what he says? first 10 seconds feels like a panic attack, b/c you know you'll have to keep it up. your brain skips any sort of joy or celebration, and settles instead on dread. that's carmy's experience with getting an honor few get in the culinary world, and it shows that he's actually not happy in being a Chef-with-a-capital-C. this episode fairly beats that into the viewer, honestly

i think it's the same thing here. he knows if he gives her his number that he'll have to keep it up. his brain skips any sort of happiness and settles on dread. and -- finally taking his own advice here, probably because he just mentioned he should take his own advice, carmy is quite introspective, he's just a little Blocked when it comes to his own emotions -- he decides that it's not worth it. the panic and the dread and the sheer effort it would take to maintain this is not worth it

this conversation is not shot like it's easy. carmy's leaning on the side of the freezer like he needs something to physically prop himself up. the lighting is great for claire, who's comfortable, but it washes carmy out, makes him look even more tired.

full disclosure, i don't know anything more than the fact that she goes behind his back (!!! i will have words!!) in the coming episodes sometime to get his real number, that's the extent of my knowledge.

but even without knowing that, watching this conversation? this isn't a full-fledged chekov's gun, this is at most a chekov's water pistol. she's gonna be here, but she's not gonna be omnipresent. her presence -- which i'm guessing will work largely as a distraction, pulling carmy away from The Bear, as well as being a Specter of the Past -- will cause conflict, rather than build a relationship. shot in the dark work, but given that we're shown how Carmy has a problem going all-or-nothing, and last season he went overboard on the "all" part of that, i'm guessing this season she'll be used to demonstrate the "nothing" part of his personality

which will cause problems and conflict, yes, and also provide an opportunity for the other chefs in the kitchen to grow into the roles they'll need to fill in carmy's eventual (permanent) exit from the kitchen. i get the feeling that the sign for "sorry" introduced here is gonna get quite a bit of airtime

this is long and rambly, but yeah! that's episode 2 -- two very relaxed season openers, i'll note -- we've got 8 to go, and i can feel the un-caged bear getting restless enough to start causing a ruckus....