#no i will not get off this soap box until each and every soul on this earth knows how scummy this man is

[cranberryjuice-posts]

Heard you want more requests 👀. I have many ideas for Clarisse lol.

Clarisse x Fem!Child of Aphrodite Reader who was a beauty queen for pageants before joining camp. Often snarky and Brattish but really sweet to Clarisse.

Clarisse finds a box in her cabin under readers bed, Polaroids of her old pageants where she won. Reader also still has her favorite dress and a framed picture of herself in the box along with all of her Polaroids.

Reader walks in on her admiring the contents of the box?

- Marshmellow :]

- it’s not my fault -

Pairings - Clarisse La Rue x Fem! Aphrodite! Reader

An - this is giving Regina George and I’m here for it, also if this sucks my excuse is I’m sick 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩

Most people called you condescending. Fair. But they wasn’t all there was to you. You were a pageant queen, who knows how many you’ve won at this point.

From bright red dresses to dull black ones you’ve had every design from X Y to Z. Coming to camp you gave that up though. The dream of being miss universe becoming just a thought instead of reality.

But you couldn’t completely give it all up. Inside your cabin and under the bunk there was a box holding some old pictures of you in all your glory, next to it was a black dress bag that held a stunning dress; one that complimented your figure and hair. One that you were supposed to wear at a pageant before your saytr Guide dragged her away.

—

“What are You doing” You raised an eyebrow as clarisse got into the floor looking under your bed. You were sitting on the vanity beside your bunk doing your 10 step skin care while clarisse, bless her soul only trusted soap and water.

All your siblings were out at a party in the woods giving you the cabin to just you and clarisse.

“I’m grabbing a box” her voice mumbled from the wooden frame. As she pulled out a rose colored box you mentally groaned knowing why she was doing it.

“Really? It’s tacky Lise”

“No it’s adorable” she corrected with a smile. Sitting on the edge of the bed she started to go through the photos, pointing out each dress she liked or wish she had the chance to see in person. “See look” Clarisse leaned over the edge pushing the picture onto your desk. “In this picture I’m telling you your mother blessed you or something because you’re glowing”

“And your cringe” You gave a sarcastic response taking the picture back. Clarisse rolled her eyes tilting her head to the side giving you the chance to lean down, giving her a small kiss.

The lavender scented lip Mask sticking onto clarisses chapped lips. “Babe.. I love you but please for the love of the gods let me do your skin, your lips are so fucked up” you ghosted your thumb over her bottom lip.

“Only, if you’ll try on that dress that’s under your bunk that you act like doesn’t exist”

“Why do You Wanna See That”

“Because im curious”

You gave her a suspicious look before just Tossing your headband aside. You reached under the bed, Pulling out the dress bag you quickly unzipped it. Clarisses attitude was like a child on Christmas.

You started taking your shirt off, Having to get undressed to even put the dress on. You tossed your bra into clarisses face with a smile. “You’re staring”

Clarisse Just shrugged, you knew she had no shame.

Stepping into the dress you shimmied the skin tight fabric up your body until it was over your chest. Zipping it up and flipping your hair to the side you placed your hands on your hips. “There” you dramatically sighed.

You watched as clarisse did a critical look over your body before responding. “Looked better in my mind”

“Your the wors” You laughed pushing her down onto the bed. Unable to move properly however you fell directly on top of her. Clarisse helped move You to the side, running her hands up and down your body.

“Seriously though it looks perfect on you” she mumbled. “Thank you baby” you smiled closing the gap and giving her a small kiss.

The cabin door opened, one of your siblings stepping inside with her boyfriend. “Get out!” You practically screamed causing the girl to run out. You rolled your eyes once again “I swear their all stupid” playing with a strand of clarisses hair you smiled wide. “Ok skin care time!”

[yourflowersfirst]

day 1,402

pages 108-112

what is yearning, exactly?

i am the water at the bottom of the tub. i'm used, necessarily, but easily discarded. i rinse right off your back and into the drain. i linger briefly while you sing to your shampoo bottles. i pour out my love and it flows into the sewage, i clean all your filth but the soap gets the praise. i can change from warm to cold please you. i wish he’d look at me. i’ll scream, be a lamb at the slaughter, anything, anything, anything for him to notice me and give half a shit. in my wildest dreams, he’ll find me pretty, but i know how unrealistic that is. the words taste like defeat. at least they’re the truth. 

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

i don’t know what to do with all this love i have. nowhere to put it, really. i can always just lock it in a wood box i’ve painted. but even then, the itch will be there, and i’ll forever be tempted to unlock it and peek inside, removing its contents. so,

i am asking you to give me the worst of you. 

let me cut my lips on your jagged edges. 

let me wander into the darkest parts of you and light candles, clear away dust, and build a home. just for us. let me lead each skeleton gently by the hand out of your closet to sit next to me in the bedroom light. (i have plenty of secrets to share.)

if god won’t, i will. i swear i’ll save you. my savior complex is my biggest flaw. i’ll fix- stitch, sew, clean the wounds, while i myself bleed out onto the floor. i am easily discarded and later washed down the drain.

i’m scared of the feelings i have for you, because i know it may very well ruin me, and i am more than like to let it. you’re trying to tell me there is some shining star buried deep inside me, but you have to dig it out with a knife. it will ache and make me wail. i am still going to let you do it all. 

one last kiss. i think i want you like an alcoholic. 

the enormity of my desire disgusts me- all i picture, in bright swirls of color, is him pressing his lips against me, his teeth at my neck. yes, i would believe his mouth is like heaven, his kisses falling across me like stars. 

i will soon recognize him by touch alone, by smell. (maybe.) i will know him blind (because i notice everything, even if i am not noticed). by his breaths and how his feet strike the earth.

there’s a lot i want. that’s all i do- want, want, want. i am a parasite in this way. i want to feel the soft skin of his neck in my hand. i want to wrap my arms around him, nails scratching him, and press my mouth to his ear. i want to feel his lips and teeth on my neck and sternum, marking me to hell, making me his own new creation. like a purple-gold painting. i want him to smell my perfume (miss dior and sol de janiero 68) as we get closer, so close that we’re not able to form a coherent thought.

i want to hear his ragged breaths as i find out every touch that makes him feel liquid warm. i want to feel his heartbeat tick up as i look him in the eye, place my hand on his chest, and tell him fantasies i’ve had about him.

it’s creepy, how obsessed i am. he would surely run away and block me if he knew the extent of my desire. but i will stay, like a dog at the backyard door, until he kicks me out, and leaves me as a stray. 

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

and i don’t care what girls you hurt as long as you come home to me, cause i can’t be alone for too long. you’re the only one i’d let touch me, know me, down to the bone of my soul. no one makes me feel safe like you do, and deep down, i don’t wanna say no to you. when i close my eyes, i see you, your sweet smile, your kind eyes. i see rigor mortis finding a home in you, and i envy them- for i too wish to settle amongst your flesh, remain with you until the flies pick at my skin.

[the-blind-assassin-12]

The Sea Swept In

A/N: This is the first of the “Play the Hand You’re Dealt” request event, and...it’s a doozy. This takes place in the Core Drive storyline, roughly ten years before the current timeline. (I have to fuck around with timelines because it’s a Westworld fic. I don’t make the rules.)Basically,  I have some lengthy and detailed HCs about Logan and Juliet’s mother, the type of relationship that she had with Logan, and the impact that she has in his life. All we get about her are question marks, so I decided to fill them in the way I (unfortunately) think it went. Title comes from this song. 

Warning: lot’s of language. probably the most F bombs I’ve ever dropped in a single piece. Delicate subject matter

Word Count: 2,234 

Requested by:  @malionnes​ - Core Drive Logan, Angst, Secrets and Lies, & Illness or Injury

That fucking bastard. 

Logan used the back of his shaking right hand to wipe at his nose as he sniffed, heading for the door. Flipping it over, he dragged the palm over his mouth, pressing it hard over his lips. His fingers pushed into the flesh of his cheek, thumb squeezing his jawbone almost painfully before dragging his grip down over the meticulously groomed beard covering his chin. He let out a puff of air against his skin, closing his eyes to try to control the dizziness. 

He was livid, almost blind from the bright flash of anger.  I should have… fuck, I should have known, should have expected this. Dropping his hand from his face, Logan brought both up to the top of his head, stacking one atop the other before sliding them back over his hair and down the curve of his skull. Should have known this is how he’d handle it… He gripped the back of his neck and paused as he reached the door that connected the small sitting room to the main hallway to look over his shoulder. From here she looked even smaller, even more disconnected, the muscles of her face still holding onto the smile he’d put there, but the gleam in her warm eyes already cooling into confusion. Jesus, she can’t... he’s gonna kill her. He turned his head back around, blinking hard against the tears that blurred his vision. They weren’t from pity or even sadness, stinging the corners of his eyes- so much like hers- with red, radiant rage. I hate him, I- 

“Logan?” 

He froze at the sound of his name. Her voice was layered, the sweet, lilting tone he’d grown up with strangled like roses wrapped in vines under exhaustion and frustration. But she’s still in there, she’s still… and he’s… He swallowed and shook his father from his mind. I’ll deal with him in a minute. He cleared his throat and turned back around to face her, feeling the way that his eyes softened  as he did. 

“Yeah, Mom?” He heard his own voice separate and break, splintering into youthful innocence crushed beneath the weight of experiences and responsibilities that fell upon him far too soon.

A sudden sadness filled her eyes as her forehead furrowed in thought. “Did I…” She frowned. “I missed your birthday, didn’t I?” Her bottom lip quivered, and despite her question he could see in her face that she knew the answer. 

Shit, Mom, it doesn’t fuckin’ matter. Like the slow turning of a screw, Logan felt her pain twisting in his chest. He sighed. It would be easiest to lie, brush it off and tell her no, that she didn’t miss it, that it was still weeks away and that she had plenty of time. But even if the doctors and specialists hadn’t warned against using white lies to patch all the holes, Logan wouldn’t do that. He’d never lied to his mother before, even when telling the truth had gotten him in trouble, and he wouldn’t start now just to save himself some. She trusts me, I’m not gonna…

“Yeah, Mom,” he nodded and shrugged one shoulder, tilting his head to the side. “It was last Wednesday.” 

Her posture, already shrunken, fell even further as she dropped her shoulders in defeat. “Goddamnit,” she blinked twice, face upturned towards the ceiling before squeezing her eyelids tightly shut.  Disappointment was written in every tiny twitch of her lips and minute wrinkle in the skin around her eyes as they opened again. “Goddamnit...God...fucking… damn it.” She hung her head, a choked sound coming from her throat.   

Logan crossed back to where she sat by the open window, long white curtains rippling in the light lilac scented breeze. “Hey, it’s okay, Mom,” he shook his head, eyebrows drawn together as he knelt down next to her. He was reminded of all the times she’d soothed him as a child, stemming tears from scraped knees and aches from fevers with just the utterance of those few words- “It’s okay, Logan”- her long hair falling like a shield around him as she wrapped him tightly in her arms. It was okay then. This is… He tentatively reached out to place his hand on her arm. This isn’t okay, I can’t make this okay, it’s not the same. “Mom, really,” he pleaded gently, trying to push down the anger that still threatened to bubble back to the surface, trying to channel any ounce of the balanced tenderness and strength that she exuded in his memory. “Don’t cry, okay? It’s no big deal. I didn’t even,” he squeezed her arm to get her to look at him, giving her a small smile. “You didn’t miss anything. I had two finals, and then had to study for another one. So you didn’t,” he sighed. “You didn’t miss a thing, Mom,” he said truthfully. “Besides, 20’s not special. Next year’s the big one.”  

She wiped at her eyes with her free hand before dropping it back to her lap. “I tried, Logan, I tried to... I knew it was coming soon… I knew and I couldn’t…” She took a breath to steady herself, then brought her trembling fingers up to catch a piece of his hair between them, moving it back into place. “I’m sorry, Logan…” She pressed her lips together and sniffed, wrangling her spiked emotions with impressive restraint. “Happy Birthday,” she said, fingers trailing away from the side of his head. “I’m so proud of you. Always, always remember that.” 

The screws in the vice around his heart tightened more, threaded grooves digging deeper as her words hit him. You’re the only one who ever was, how could I forget? “I know, Mom,” he quickly dragged one knuckle under each of his eyes, swiping them dry as he leaned in to kiss her on the cheek. “I know you are.” He tried to stand then, intending to go speak with his father and unleash the violent rage that he felt, but she stopped him, shocking him with her physical strength as she wound her arms around his shoulders. Oh. He adjusted his stance, shifting to his other knee as he returned the embrace. “Hey, its-” 

“Don’t let him ruin you, Logan. Stay you, don’t let him…” She sounded more like she had the last time he’d seen her, before the start of the last semester that he’d just finished. Fuck, she means…he cringed, his father’s weathered, stoic face filling his mind. She knows, she still understands… she knows he, that he’s not...But before her words had made their full impact, he turned her head and the clarity was gone. “Oh, is that...did I paint that?” Releasing her grown son, she stood and took a step closer to the small canvas square displayed on the easel in the corner. 

Logan rose to his full height, cautiously following her. You were there Mom, for a second, you were back. He cleared his throat, gesturing to the painting that had been the first thing she’d told him about almost an hour ago. “Yeah.” He tried to catch the break in his voice but it slipped through. “Yeah, you told me that you did that one yesterday.” He watched her stare at it, his own eyes darting to the much larger, framed piece that hung nearby, one she’d done before he was even born. It depicted a cottage on the sea, the waves swirling in soothing patterns of greens and blues, delicate brushstrokes and intricate linework adding lifelike depth and dimension that always seemed magical to Logan when he’d watch her work. Do you remember what you were like? His eyes flicked back to the small square that she was transfixed by. It was covered with wide, waving swaths of blue and purple, the bottom corner a triangle of beige, white dots scattered throughout. What do you see there?     

He would have asked her, but she turned to answer before he could get the question out. “Can’t you hear it just looking at it?” Hear it? Hear what? He tilted his head and narrowed his eyes, looking more intently at the blocks of color, the strained shapes. “The ocean?” He felt his eyebrows fly up. That’s? He looked back to the other painting, then back at his mother, at the wistfulness in her eyes that told him that she was far away, toes in the sand and sun warming her skin. She was there, in those rudimentary splashes of paint. That’s the ocean.

“Yeah,” he said. “Yeah, Mom, I can hear it.” She smiled at him, cheeks going round to turn her eyes into crescents, the same way that his did when he was genuinely happy. “I’m… I have to go take care of some things, okay?” 

She nodded, arms crossed as she regarded her work. “Okay, I’ll see you later.” She said it with casual ease, the way she sounded when she’d send him and Juliet off to school each morning. 

“I’ll see you later,” he repeated. I promise. It was clear to him that she’d been absolutely starved for interaction, and he’d do anything he could while he was home to make sure that that wasn’t the case. Fuck, it’s like… it’s like he doesn’t want her to get better. 

By the time he’d reached the thick wooden door that led to his father’s study, Logan could hardly see straight, blinded once again by that flash of anger, of contempt. Knocking once, he didn’t wait for an answer, barging in without caring if he was interrupting anything. I don’t give a fucking shit, nothing he’s doing is more important that this, and he’s going to hear what I have to say.

“The fuck do you think you’re doing?” The stout, balding form of his father rose from his desk in outrage. “Don’t you know how to knock? When did you even get home, what are you-” 

But Logan hadn’t stopped advancing, closing the door behind himself and marching right up until only the intricately carved desk stood between the two men. Jim Delos’ beady eyes widened in surprise as his son’s fists slammed into the hard surface. The impact numbed his hands and sent tingles up into his elbow but he didn’t react. “You told me she was doing better. You told me she was fine, that the new drugs were working, and then you fucking…” He could feel the fire scorching his eyes, could feel his vocal chords shaking as he spat venom at his father who stood there blinking at him. “You leave her alone in there. All damn day. You leave her alone and she’s…” He blew out a breath. “She’s fucking dissolving in there and you...That’s my mother. That’s your wife and you don’t give a fucking shit because if you did, you wouldn’t fucking lie to me and, and tell me that she’s doing better when she’s not. You wouldn’t have her on these… these fucking pills that your fucking hack doctors came up with, you’d have her on that shit Regent put out last Fall and-” 

“Are you fuckin’ done?” The man had had enough, snarling at his son. 

Not even close, you goddamn bastard. Logan’s nostrils flared and his chest heaved slightly, breathing uneven from the pure, uncut anger coursing through him. “You gonna try to justify it?” He let out a dry laugh that held no humor. “Go the fuck ahead, I’d love to hear this one.”  

Jim shifted his weight and squared his shoulders. “I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want to distract you from your schoolwork, your finals.”  

Is he fucking kidding me? Logan gripped the sides of his head before extending his arms out in frustration. “Finals? What the fuck are you talking about? She’s... “ She’s gonna fucking die, gonna rot away in there and… He felt tears prick at his eyes again and cursed to himself, heart sinking. 

“The one fuckin’ thing you’re good at is getting good grades. It’s the only thing you can do for this family, Logan- not fuck up. I knew if I told you the truth you’d come running back here, cryin and you’d throw everything away, we’d have the media on us in a heartbeat to rip open the company and-” 

Logan shook his head, hearing the words but not comprehending them at all. How is he… He blinked and looked at the man he’d grown up in fear of. How can he be so fucking cold… It dawned on Logan that there was nothing he could do or say to get him to change anything, to get him to admit his cruelty or even to caring about the woman staring at the canvas in the room down the hall.  “You disgust me.” He turned and left as abruptly as he’d entered, Jim shouting after him that he couldn’t just walk away, not while he was talking to him. 

Watch me, asshole. 

He spent the rest of his break with her. She told him about her painting every damn day. “I can hear it, Mom.” He’d tell her, a relaxed but tired smile curving her features as he focused on the sound of waves in his memory, wondering if she was doing the same. Doesn’t matter. I can hear it… I really can. It sounded like freedom, and he understood. 

.

.

.

@something-tofightfor​​​​​ @its-my-little-dumpster-fire​​​​​ @suchatinyinfinity​​​​​ @gollyderek​​​​​ @thesumofmychoices​​​​​ @lexxierave​​​​​ @belladonnarey​​​​​ @ymariejp​​​​​ @obscurilicious​​​​​ @songtoyou​​​​​ @traeumerinwitzhelden​​​​​ ​ @drinix​​​​​ @jigsawlover10​​​​​ @getlostinyourparadise​​​​​ @nananananananananananabatman​​​​​ @malionnes​​​ @bicevans​​​ @qhostboyyy​​ @with1love1anu​ @luminex3​

please let me know if you would like to be added or removed to this list, or to the list for this event in general! thank you for reading, and I promise something MUCH happier next! 

[arctickat2400]

Dancing in the Rain <> Bucky Barnes

“Where are we going?” You giggled as Bucky helped you out of the car, blindfold on, and his hands on your waist, guiding you towards some secret place.

“Just a second. You’ll see.” You could hear the smile in his voice. You could hear some soft 40s music that Bucky had introduced you to from his time as he stopped you, gently untying the blindfold. You open your eyes to see a beautiful sight. A white gazebo, surrounded with roses and fairy lights brightening up the area as the sun begins to set. In the middle, a blanket lay with a basket, some wine set aside, and some pillows. A few tears build up in your eyes as you recognize this as the place where you and Bucky first met.

You were on your daily run, and it was a particularly hot day unfortunately, and as you were becoming light headed, you stopped, your vision blurred. You tried to look for something to lean on, with no avail, although someone came to your rescue.

He held onto your arm gently, “Are you okay? What can I do?” You heard that voice that you knew would forever be in your mind. “I-I need... I need to…” But you just couldn’t find the words. Luckily, he understood what was going on and he brought you over to the steps of the gazebo you passed by everyday on your run. After catching your breath, you looked up into those icy blue eyes.

And that was it. The day you fell in love with James Buchanan Barnes.

“Happy Anniversary, my love.” Bucky held you against him, his arms gently wound around your waist.

“Baby, it’s beautiful.” You spoke as you slowly made your way up the stairs, Bucky’s hands slipping from your waist. You take note of the small light bulb string lights inside the gazebo. They lit up everything so perfectly. Bucky followed behind you, watching your every move. He swore to himself that the day he dies, he’ll die looking at you.

After gazing around, you met eyes with Bucky. He strolled around the blanket, held his hand out for you to take, and helped you settle down onto the blanket.

“So, I wanted to make tonight especially special, considering it’s been exactly one year since we’ve been together,” Bucky states. “I didn’t know exactly what to do for food, so I asked Nat and she said to get you your favorite food. It’s nothing fancy, but…” Bucky pulls out two burgers and a set of fries to share from your favorite diner. You couldn’t help but let out a laugh.

“Bucky, this is absolutely perfect. And it smells delicious. Thank you,” You had a look of pure adoration in your eyes as you leaned towards him, meeting him halfway, and sharing a passionate kiss.

For the next while, you ate and talked about anything and everything, sharing laughs and all the special moments you’ve shared over the years since you’ve known each other. It was a chilly evening; the sun had gone down and the stars brilliantly lit up the dark night sky.

“You cold, baby girl?” Bucky questioned. He noticed everything, especially when it came to you, and in this case, he noticed the shiver that ran through your body. “Just a little,” You offered him a small, side smirk. You wore an off-shoulder white floral dress that reached mid-thigh, not covering much. Bucky, knowing this might happen, took his suit jacket from laying on the pillows behind him, leaving him in a crisp, white button up with the sleeves rolled up and a pair of skinny black pants, and draped it around your shoulders. You pulled it tight around you, a blush coating your cheeks, reminiscing in his scent.

Bucky laid you back against the pillows, his arm around your shoulders, your head on his chest as you looked up at the stars through the small glass opening in the roof. Conversation followed for a bit until Bucky realized you’d become quiet. It was nearing midnight and he could tell you were becoming tired. Bucky packed everything up, bringing everything to the car as you stayed in the gazebo, leaning against one of the wooden posts, staring out at the firefly-filled park.

“Did I ever tell you how beautiful you look tonight?” Bucky whispers in your ear, his hands smoothing over your waist. You turned in his arms, wrapping yours around his neck.

“Did I ever tell you how handsome you look tonight?” You gave him a smug, but sweet smile, receiving one in return as he leant down and pressed his lips to yours.

Taking your hand in his, Bucky leads you down the stairs and down the path towards his car. You held onto his arm, your head on his shoulder as you slowly walked, enjoying your time together and not wanting it to end.

Suddenly, Bucky stopped as you slid from him. He caught your hand in his, pulling you back to him. “Everything okay?”

“Y/N,” Bucky started, your hands in his as he looked you in the eye, deep into your soul. “I have done so much wrong in my lifetime, but, once meeting you, it all stopped.”

“Bucky, all that “bad stuff” you did, it wasn’t you,” You interrupted him, but he placed his hand on your cheek, placing his thumb over your lips and continued.

“Shh... my love. The day we met, since then, I can’t imagine a life without you in it. You are both my strength and my weakness. Before you, I didn’t know what my life could turn into, I didn’t know where my life was going. But, when I met you, right in this spot,” You looked around and realized, it was, indeed, the exact spot you stopped and he came to help you. A tear slid down your cheek as you looked back into Bucky’s eyes. “My life changed. I don’t know what I could possibly say other than I love you. I love you so much, Katie, and I would surely die if I didn’t have you to hold in my arms.

“So,” You gasped, covering your mouth in surprise as Bucky took a small black velvet box from his pocket and knelt down on one knee in front of you. “If you’ll have me,” He opened the box and you were met with the most beautiful ring you have ever seen or could ever see. “Would you, Y/Full/N, make me the luckiest man alive and marry me?”

A waterfall of tears cascaded down your cheeks as you nodded, sniffling. “Yes. Yes, Bucky! I’ll marry you!” You almost shouted too loud, but, you could never be too loud when announcing your forever love to the only man you could ever love. Bucky’s smile shines brighter than a million stars when he heard that come from your mouth. He takes the ring from the box and slides it carefully onto your finger, standing up. You jumped into his arms, embracing him in the tightest hug you didn’t even know you had the strength to do.

Bucky held you at the waist, pulling apart only to bring you back, placing his hands on either side of your face, and sealing his love for you with the most passionate kiss you would ever experience. You held on tight to his shirt in your fists, never wanting to let go. You pulled apart, begging for air, your eyes locked together.

“I love you so much, Bucky. I can’t imagine spending my life with anyone else.” You smiled up at him as he wiped away some of your tears with his thumbs.

Just then, a drop of water fell on your nose, startling you and you gasped. You both look up as it starts raining. Bucky is quick to hurry you to the car, but you stop him in the grass. “Y/N, what’re you doing? You’re going to get sick.” He looked at you confused, but your smile never left your face.

“I don’t care.” You chuckle at Bucky’s panic. You take your wedges off  and pull Bucky back to you, placing his hands on your waist, locking your arms around his neck. “Dance with me. Besides, you know how much I love the rain.” You smile as Bucky offers one in return.

You sway in Bucky’s arms as the rain pours harder, but you still don’t care. You placed your head on his chest, one hand sliding to hold onto his bicep, the other holding onto his neck. Bucky places a sweet kiss to the top of your head before his cheek laying on top. You are soaked through your clothes as Bucky feels a shiver run down your spine.

“Come on, baby. Let’s get you home.” Bucky looks in your eyes with a sweet smile, tucks your hair behind your ear, places a kiss to your nose, and guides you the rest of the way to the car. Pulling into the driveway, Bucky met Y/N on her side. He picked her up bridal style, and carried her inside and up to the bath to warm her and clean her muddy feet.

Bucky placed Y/N inside the bath and helped her out of her soaking wet dress. Turning on the water to just the right temperature for her liking, Bucky helps Y/N to sit down, takes off his soaking wet shirt, and begins to run his hands through her hair, warming her from the freezing rain. She leans her head back and smiles at the relaxing feeling of Bucky’s gentle touch.

Bucky adds some soap to Y/N’s puff, taking her feet and ridding them of the mud. Once finished, Bucky wraps a large, warm towel around Y/N, helping her step out of the shower. He dries her off a bit before taking her into his arms, leaning her head on his chest, holding her tight against him.

“I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. Spoil you ridiculously and love you to the moon and back. Maybe even further.” Bucky chuckles, and feels Y/N giggle against him. She looks up at him, placing a kiss to his chest, resting her chin there, and smiles up at him.

“I cannot tell you how much I love you, my one and only. All I ask is for you to be here with me, no matter what.”

Bucky’s smile, though small, is as bright as ever. “I could never leave you, my love. I’m with you till the end.” He kisses her forehead, her eyes closing to reminisce in this precious moment. He holds her in his arms as if it was impossible to let go.

[magnoliabloomfield]

Possession part 6

She worked with Gally the rest of the day, but once again she went off alone to eat. Gally really didn't like that, not being able to see her in case something happened. He watched every boy that got up and left to make sure they went back to their jobs and not near her, but still there was no way to be sure.

At sundown her house was finished. They stood shoulder to shoulder again as they looked up at it, maybe this time she was a little closer than three feet away, he wasn't paying attention to things like that.

"Well, I guess that's done," Gally sighed mostly to himself. He wasn't even talking about the house, she 'd be off to try one of the other keeper's tasks tomorrow.

He should have felt relieved. He was. He had done his job, he built a perfect tower to house a princess as far from the rabble of the glade as possible. She'd be safe there, and he was responsible for that. He'd done his part so now it was time to pass the responsibility off to someone else. It would be great to get back to normal.

"It's great," she nodded, thinking he was talking about the house. She turned to him and waited until he looked at her as well. "I really appreciate the hard work you put into this, trying to keep me safe and everything," she put her hand out to him. "Thank you, Gally."

He swallowed. There was too much going on with that, it was praise, it was gratitude, she was saying his name, and she was reaching out and actually inviting his touch. And suddenly it felt like pride was trying to fill his chest but it was tethered down with bashfulness. Part of him was realizing he had done so much more than give her a watch, he had built her a home- oh god he'd built her a home, why did that feel so odd? So intimate? But he had, because she had needed it and he could do it. And she was showing him more gratitude than she had Minho with the watch.

He couldn't stand there forever in silence staring at her out stretched hand, so he grasped it carefully since it was impossibly small and delicate, and gave her a hand shake. He felt each little finger tip slip across his palm as she let go of his hand.

"You're welcome," he said quietly.

He glanced up and caught her looking at him with a contemplative gaze that almost made his breath hitch in his throat. What had he done to be the one who didn't get her monotonous cardboard persona? Was it the house? Because he certainly was not the one to play house with her if that's what she was thinking, but why would she be thinking that in the first place? He was just going nuts from the trauma of a female presence was all, just like the makers wanted him and everyone else to do.

But he held her inquisitive gaze for a moment, still feeling the warmth of her on his palm, and wondered if he recognized her. He wished he did, but he could never have forgotten eyes like those no matter how much they messed with his mind.

"So, I guess we'll figure out the shower thing tomorrow?" she asked him, breaking his thoughts like a pane of glass. He'd totally forgotten.

"Yeah, that'll be tomorrow," he nodded like he hadn't forgotten for a second.

"Ok, good," she nodded along, almost smiling. "Or else my smell will be enough to keep me safe around here."

"Well, there's a, uh," he rubbed the back of his neck. "There is one place that would make due for now if you'd really like to get cleaned up."

She actually looked relieved, she let that much show on her face. "That would be great if it's not too inconvenient."

"No, it's fine," he shook his head despite the work he knew would be involved. "It won't be running water, though."

"That's fine, anything is better than nothing."

"Ok, just give me a few minutes, I'll come get you when it's ready," he told her before heading off to execute his plan.

He wasn't going to get anyone to help him, he wasn't going to tell a soul. He really was the right man for this job because no one would question him, no one but another keeper would have the guts to do that. First he collected the laundry tub and some soap and towels and took that down to the basement of the old homestead. Next he filled two large containers with water and carried them down there as well. He was debating getting more for her when Newt's voice called down the stairs.

"Gally? Is that you down there?"

Gally bit his lips, wondering how to explain this. He decided he wouldn't.

"Yup," he said nonchalantly as he came around to the stairs and started ascending them. Newt didn't much care for stairs with his limp.

"What are you doing?" Newt pressed when Gally didn't offer any more than that.

Gally couldn't come up with something quick enough.

"Are you doing something for the greenie?" Newt asked with a subtle lilt in his voice as he crossed his arms and leaned on the creaky doorframe.

Gally sighed, giving up any pretense. He could never pull the wool over Newt's eyes. "Yes, it's for Nikola, she-"

"Nikola?" Newt's brows shot up. "She has a name now does she? And you just kept that to yourself," a ghost of a teasing grin was tugging at his mouth.

"It wasn't my name to tell," Gally shrugged. "She really didn't tell anyone else? None of the other keepers or Alby?"

"No," Newt shook his head with his tongue in his cheek.

Gally tried not to smile and just look perplexed as well. "Huh. Well, I have to go," He said and tried to get past Newt but the skinny boy blocked his path with his arm across the doorway.

"Hold on a moment, what is it exactly you're doing?"

"She... wanted to get cleaned up," Gally admitted. "We haven't rigged up a shower situation yet so I was setting something up for her just for tonight."

"Ok," Newt said with a grin that was close to devilish. "Well, two should stand watch for her, shouldn't they? So one can keep an eye on the other?"

"Yeah, absolutely," Gally agreed. He'd absolutely call for it to be like that if it was anyone else watching out for her. He knew she had nothing to worry about from him, but she probably didn't know that, not yet at least.

Gally went back for her, leaving Newt at the homestead to wait for them. It was odd for him to stand there and call up to her, to call her name out loud when apparently he was the only one who knew it. Aside from Newt now, but he tried not to care about that.

She came down with her bag, the one that came up with her in the box that had more clothes for her. They hadn't figured that out till later when Alby held up a shirt that wouldn't fit anyone there. Gally was just glad it hadn't been any undergarments.

"This way," Gally nodded when she stepped off the ladder. "Newt is there waiting so we can stand guard for you. You remember Newt?"

"Uh, yes. The blond with the dark eyes, right?"

She noticed all that? "Yeah, that's him."

They got to the homestead and she apologized to Newt for the inconvenience and thanked him as well, but she was a little cardboard about it. Gally liked that. She went down stairs and they closed the door behind her. Newt was trying to hold something in, Gally could tell, but he wasn't about to open up a dialogue if he could avoid it. After a few moments they heard the gentle splashes of water and a warmth crossed Gally's face when part of his brain reminded him where her clothes were, or rather, where they were not.

"She's got you wrapped around her finger, doesn't she?" Newt finally chuckled.

Gally shushed him. "If we can hear- she could hear us too," Gally warned him quietly.

"Ok, but she does, right?" Newt whispered back.

"No," Gally denied as he crossed his arms. Newt just laughed.

Masterlist

@gladerscake @poulterjonas @crazysheeplyca @quackquackbi @neilox @thesuitkovian @anniemylennox @carp3d1em @cottoncandy-dreamxd

[sellyoursoulforagoodfic]

Shelbys at Somme: Chapter 1

Thomas Shelby X Reader

2478 words

Summary: As Thomas Shelby enacts his plans to expand the Peaky Blinders, memories of Somme haunt him. A name he’s never spoken. A story he’s never told. A promise never kept. In desperation he tells a story, but stories only seem to haunt him.

By: @adventuresintooblivion

“I’m assuming you know who I am, Father.” The musty air of a church filters through the screens of a confession box. The air was heavy as if it waited with bated breath for what he might say. Ancient leather creaked beneath him as he shifted his weight, waiting for the reply of an old man who had no obligation to serve him. The change of pace was nice.

A chuckle filtered through from the neighboring box. “Thomas Shelby, I know who you are. I’ve been waiting for you all day, even cleared out my schedule for you.”

Thomas glanced towards the voice, even though they couldn’t see each other, “I’m not sure if I should be flattered or not.”

“It’s only once a year when I get to hear from you. It’s damn near becoming a holiday. Even though you don’t usually talk much.”

The gang leader let out a deep breath. “It’s because most of the time I don’t know what to say. But this time I think...I might have a story for you.”

The reverend’s voice was unsteady as he replied, “I can’t wait to hear it, my son.”

“Don’t get me started on fathers. No, today is the story about a girl who joined the army. And before you ask, no, she wasn’t a nurse.”

“She fought?”

Thomas nodded. His fingers twitched to reach from a cigarette. Something to fidget with that would keep him in the box long enough to get this damn weight off his chest. 

“She died with a gun in her hand at the Battle of Somme. I held her guts as her blood turned dirt to mud. I…” His voice gave out. Can I even say the words?

The reverend's voice startled him, “Was she a part of your company?”

Thomas cleared his throat. “Yes. She’d um...She’d disguised herself as a man and joined. Her brothers were sent to the warfront and she followed.” 

For the next couple of hours Thomas spoke. Each word felt as if it were torn from him. This tale had become the foundation of which he’d built his walls and now he laid it at a strangers feet brick by brick. Only the occasional gasps from the box beside him signaled that anyone was listening. 

“This woman sounds quite extraordinary.”

“Yeah. Yeah she was.” Thomas took a deep breath as he summoned every fiber of courage to continue, “I asked her to marry me.”

A long pause filled the air between them. Thomas’ skin began to crawl as if all the statues that adorned the church were now peering into his soul. He wasn’t a man of God, at least not anymore. He mainly did this to satisfy his Aunt Pol; however, there were times that he couldn’t ignore the feeling of another presence in his life. Whether it was God, Fate or magic he really didn’t know, nor did he care. 

Most of the time. Now he was baring his soul in front of a man who’d claimed to know the ultimate difference between right and wrong, led by some divine being. Thomas didn’t regret much in life. He couldn’t change the past, and he had his plate full with the present. This one moment, along with a handful of others, had scared something inside him. Did he even want to heal?

“Well now, Mr. Shelby, while I’d be honored to perform your nuptials , I cannot in good grace marry you to a corpse.”

Thomas couldn’t stop the wry smile. “I’m not asking you to, Father. I just needed to tell someone.”

He asked, “Is today the anniversary of when she died?”

Thomas didn’t answer. He didn’t need to. 

Instead the reverend continued, “Would you have actually done it?”

“Done what?”

“Marry her.”

“In an instant.” Thomas blinked. He’d spent all these years being unsure of his own intentions that fateful day. But the words had sprung forth from somewhere deep inside him bursting from a locked box where he’d kept them safe for so many years.

The reverend gave a soft chuckle, “If you want forgiveness I would suggest-”

Thomas interrupted him as he finally reached for his cigarette, “Oh, I don’t want forgiveness Father. Never have, never will.” 

“Then what was the point of this?” the reverend stammered. 

Thomas’s voice came out in a low growl, “In case I die tonight, she deserves to be remembered by someone. Might as well be a holy man.” His voice fading into the night as he left to go face his demons.

〜

Grace’s hand slipped against the slick glass she’d been cleaning causing the glass to go flying and shatter against the wall. She silently thanked her lucky stars that Harry was out, but it wouldn’t be long before the missing glass was noticed. She reached for the broom to clean the damned mess when a knock came from the door.

“One moment!” She hurriedly swept up the worst offenders before rushing to the door. 

There waiting for her was the only man who dared knock on the door before open, Thomas Shelby. He took off his hat the moment he came inside and nodded toward her 

Thomas shuffled toward the bar looking for another bottle of whiskey when his foot came down on the rest of the glass Grace had forgotten about. He glanced down, making sure what he heard was in fact glass before casting a tired glance at the new barmaid.

“Trying to kill me already, Ms. Burgess?”

Grace’s heart leapt into her throat making it hard to speak as she rushed over to finish what she’d started, “I...I’m so sorry. I got distracted”

She swept up the remainder of the glass in a frenzy with Thomas standing all too close. So close in fact she could smell his soap beneath the stale cigarette smoke that clung to just about everyone in Birmingham. Once she was done she was grateful for the excuse to put some sort of distance between them. 

In the mirror behind the bar she could see him watching her out of the corner of her eye. Something about the way he stood blended together the stalking of a predator and a tired man with the weight of the world on his shoulders. 

Thomas’ voice easily filled the entire space leaving little room for Grace to breathe, “Do you know what I do to women who try to kill me?”

Grace steeled herself. If she showed him any weakness he’d walk all over her, just like he did with everyone else. So she spun around in a huff, her arms folded across her chest.

She raised her chin in defiance, “What do you do Mr. Shelby?”

“I take them dancing.” 

Grace blinked slowly trying to wrap her mind around the words she just heard, “Dancing?”

Thomas nodded, closing the distance between them, “Yes. I might even be so inclined to let the lady choose where to go. It seems fair to level the playing field.”

Grace looked around as if the wood itself could tell her if he was joking. There was no smile, no tilt of the head or anything else to break the tension. Is he actually serious?

She shook her head slowly. “I don’t have a dress.”

Thomas let his eyes roam over her. Even he had to admit that Grace had a beauty about her that you didn’t see that often. Yet the thing about her that always drew him closer was her defiance. Not many people told him ‘no’.

He took out his wallet and started counting, “How much does a nice dress cost these days?”

“Are you serious?”

Thomas froze.

Dust assaulted his lungs as bombs threw rock into the air. Heat from a much smaller body curled against him gasping raggedly from breath as her brow furrowed, “Are you serious?”

“Meet me here in five days in your dress. Have a place picked out. “ He practically threw the money at Grace, probably too much. He spun on his heels stalking for the exit. She cried out after him but he didn’t stop.

He needed air. Alcohol buzzed in his veins. It dulled his senses, made the world around him less real but his attempts to bury the memories only made them stronger. Thomas glared at the world around him. Her laughter danced on the wind. A song he’d long forgotten the words to thrummed in his soul. Some tune that they screamed the words to in defiance of all that the Germans had done.

Today the memories were close. A blanket of fear and sorrow pulled close around his heart. Today was going to be a bad day.

〜

Danny "Whiz-Bang" was a tall man, some might call him gargantuan. A fancy word Y/N had used to scare away some drunk soldiers once. Y/N. 

He'd been thinking about her a lot lately. Danny desperately raked the fragmented pieces of his brain. Today was… the day she'd died. A year ago. Or had it been two? He'd have to ask Thomas. 

Last time he'd asked about her the look in Thomas's eyes answered all his questions. He'd gotten it wrong again.

Danny began to hum softly. Their song, an anthem really, that they played almost every night until that last battle. Where had he been while his best friend lay dying in the mud? Again the day played through his mind, the details muddled over the years.

He'd been switched with Freddie so instead of fighting with Y/N to distract the enemy, he'd been down in the tunnels digging. The tunnel had stretched for miles by the time they'd finished and began setting the charges. Vibrations gently shook the tunnel, forcing dirt to rain down into his eyes. 

Nobody even knew they were there until it was too late. The detonation had destroyed the foundation of three turrets, which allowed the British to take back much of the ground they'd already lost.

Music interrupted his thoughts as the same tune he hummed to himself soon filled the street. A busker on the corner stood tall as he played a violin. Wood gleamed in the dimly lit night as hoards of people shuffled past. Rich brown contrasted brilliantly with the general grey dinge of Birmingham. 

Danny couldn't stop the shaking. No one was supposed to know that song except for the 174th yet here it was in his home. He shook his head vigorously, the visions, they must be happening again. Danny began to turn, better he leave for London than have another episode in public. Just as the busker left his sight he heard something he'd never thought he'd hear again.

"Danny? Danny Whiz-Bang is that you?"

He froze. It wasn't real, she was dead.

The music stopped as something tugged on his sleeve. He shouldn't turn around, the ghosts would get him if he did. What would he see this time? A german strangling Thomas? Y/N's head gaping wide open? Or would it be himself?

Whatever was tugging on his arm was insistent. Danny took a deep breath. He couldn't hide forever.

Dirt crunched under his heel as he turned. Smoke left a rancid undertone in the air that filled his lungs. Stone buildings rose into the sky, impossibly tall while still leaning into each other. Roofs sagged under the weight of centuries and rain.

Danny didn't see any of this. The world itself fell away as his eyes landed on a small figure. Her curly mop of hair ended just below his collarbone. Wide tired eyes stared up at him, searching his features for some small hint of recognition. Her clothes weren't that god forsaken uniform or the dress of a lady. Just trousers and coat like any man would wear, fitted to her figure. Her coat was by no means threadbare, but still worn.

"Y/N?"

A smile spread across her lips and it was like watching the sun finally revealing itself after a storm.

Her voice was almost too loud compared to the low buzz of the street, "Hey Danny. It's...it's so nice to see you."

Danny shook his head as he reached up for his cap. Lines appeared on his face, etched deep as he squeezed his eyes shut. The large man hid desperately behind the clump of fabric, praying that he might banish the phantom before he lost control.

“You’re not real. Thomas says that whenever I see you, you’re not real.”  His voice shook as he took a careful step back. 

Y/N’s brow furrowed, “Do you see me often Danny?”

Finally he opened his eyes with unshed tears glinting in the sun, “Almost everyday. I miss you so much but y...you’re dead.” 

Y/N gently reached out and gripped Danny’s hand in hers, “I’m not dead Danny. I was hurt, and they sent me home, but the Reaper hasn’t gotten me yet.”

“Why didn’t you come back?” he demanded.

She looked down, “They found out I was a girl. Kinda hard to hide your tits when you get shot in the stomach.”

Danny slowly lowered his cap, “The MP’s got you?”

Y/N nodded. 

Without warning Danny scooped her up into his arms, violin and all, enveloping her in a rib-breaking hug. Y/N threw her arms around him. He buried his head against her shoulder, his body shaking from laughter.

“Alright, alright put me down before you break me.” She grinned, patting his shoulder. He set her down with a practiced grace, muscle memory from years past taking over.

“We have to tell Thomas you’re back. He was talking about you the other day, and he’d love to see you.” Danny practically bounced with excitement.

Y/N felt her cheeks flood with color. She blamed it on the cold wind, “He still talks about me?”

Danny shrugged smiling sheepishly, “Well, not often. I think it hurts him, too, but he mentioned you the other day. Said he was going to tell the Reverend about you.”

Y/N snorted, “Yeah, Thomas Shelby the devout catholic. Anyways where is he? I’ve been in town a week and haven’t seen hide or tale of him.”

“He’s either down at the pub or the races. He’s got…” Danny’s eyes widened. “We have to go now or we won’t catch him.”

“Go wh-” 

Y/N was cut off as Danny lifted her off her feet and sprinted down the street. She clutched her violin to her chest for dear life as the streets whizzed by. Miraculously Danny hadn’t forgotten to grab her bag in the other hand.

“I can walk just fine you know!” Y/N screamed from beneath his arm.

Danny flashed her a smile. He didn’t do this because he had to. He did it because he missed doing it everyday in the army.

[echo-three-one]

Chapter 44

The Road so Far

Lay your weary head to rest

Don't you cry no more...

The TWO of us, together

Alex

Hotel Lustig, Prague, Czech Republic

"Thank you, Kid." Alex saw Jack's mouth move as their eyes met. His eyes which were once filled with determination and optimism were now screaming for help and desperation. He felt like Jack didn't have any other choice. He had to do what needed to be done.

"Nooo!" Alex forced himself to get up as his possible last words weren't the ones he wanted to hear. Not here. Not now. He wanted to see him carrying a possible child. He wanted to still be a part of his life.

Alex had been assigned under Jack's supervision since he was moved to the CIA. It was Jack's optimism and dedication to responsibility that made him who he was today. He was a great mentor and Alex almost considered him as a father figure.

Even in the most inhumane situations, Alex had thrived to succeed in his missions and he owes it all to Jack. The man was a treasure trove of skills and knowledge and Alex was one of the lucky few whom he had imparted it with. He remembered how Jack saved them both in Brazil, buying them more time evading capture.

But there was one thing that Jack would have regretted before going. It was to meet his son. He'd probably be 20 by now but he was afraid to ever show up out of the blue. His divorce with his ex-wife was quite tragic. Because he had to do it just to keep them safe. That's why Jack was always reluctant about him and Samantha. He would never want the same thing to happen to him.

So in the absence of a son, he channeled his fatherly attitude towards Alex, and Alex admittedly hated it when he's being called a kid despite his age. But as time went by and they kept on being assigned together, he had grown accustomed to it and it kinda grew on him.

In a split second, Alex remembered all the times they've been together. All the almost impossible missions they finished, all the times they thought they were goners but somehow they escaped it. All those things were soon to become memories to tell the people who will miss him.

A tear fell on Alex's eyes as he forced himself to get up and catch up on the two as they dove down three flights, ignoring the searing pain from the helicopter blast. He grabbed on to the ledge as he saw Jack and Nero, huddled together, followed by a burst of light with a loud booming sound just before they hit the ground.

A black burnmark was the only thing left on the ground as the place was blotched with a mix of debris and blood. Pieces of both of their clothes were everywhere as the smoke from the explosion dissipated.

The war was over, with Nero gone, his troops will surely retreat. But it cost one important person. A soul for a soul.

Alex couldn't feel himself as his whole body froze while looking at the aftermath of the explosion. He was trained to withstand any feeling but this was too much for him. He hadn't realized how loss hurts until he was able to see for it himself. It was devastating.

"Didn't realize it'd end this way." Price said.

"We were too caught up with Nero, we didn't realize the possibility of him being alive." he added.

"No." Alex finally said, it was hard for him to say as he could feel his heart on his throat.

"His eyes. It looked hopeless. It was the only way…" He said to them, frowning.

"What do you mean?" Roach said, extending an arm on his back for emotional support.

"He's the hopeful type. If he sees a good way out, you could see it in his eyes. What he did was the only choice he could think of." Alex sighed as the resistance team started to signal their victory. The city was cleared from Nero.

"He sacrificed his life because he had no other choice." He breathed, standing up and looking at the sky.

"I'll never forget you, Jack. Thanks for everything." he whispered, honoring his mentor and father figure.

The aftermath of Nero wasn't on the news. It was all just a story on how Prague was free from the militia groups that invaded their city as Alex turned it off and closed his eyes.

"How are you holding up?" Samantha plopped down beside him, leaning on his shoulders. Alex inhaled and looked for her hand, wrapping it against his and kissing it.

"Still devastated." He whispered as Samantha turned to him and looked at him straight in the eye.

"Jack wouldn't want to see you like that, you know." Her eyes were watery, but she was trying her best not to cry.

"You too…" he attempted to make her smile but they both ended up hugging each other for emotional support.

"Maybe he'll accept this every once in a while. The man would want to feel missed too." he whispered as they both curled up and let their emotions out.

The next day, it was back to usual at 141 except things were a little bit formal. With everyone in their black funeral attire, they gathered by the small park to honor a hero's sacrifice.

Alex stood by the podium and looked at the notable few people who attended. They were all familiar as Jack was always keen to introduce him to anyone he knows albeit professionally or casually.

"When I met Jack, my first impression of him was a stereotypical angry old man. Some of you may have thought of it like this toward Captain Price, no offense" he said as the crowd laughed a little, looking at the British captain.

"But once you get to know him, he's actually one of the best persons you'll ever meet. Every day felt like a school day. He might not point it out, but every move he made was a lesson in life. The man knew a lot of things that were vital for surviving this world. I once referred to him as a treasure trove of information." Everyone muttered their thoughts and nodded in agreement.

"He taught me how to stay positive even in the most trying times and how every decision is vital. He taught me how to think outside the box and utilize every resource you have, something that I admittedly didn't master but I'm always trying and he kept on telling me that there was no harm in trying. That's when I realized how lucky I was to be with him as my Commanding Officer."

"The man saved me multiple times and I owe him a lot for that. I'm actually blaming myself for his loss but the way he looked at me before he jumped was telling me that I shouldn't blame myself and neither should anyone. He told me once that when he goes, he doesn't want anyone to worry about him, as he'd probably be swimming in the clouds drinking unlimited liquor. And that's what he was looking forward to." Another chuckle from the crowd.

"So, for us who would not accept his death. He would want us to think that wherever he is right now, he's having a blast and we shouldn't be worrying about him." He smiled at the crowd as he stepped out of the podium and went back to the seat beside Samantha, hugging her before they both sat down. The ceremony continued with a few more words from Jack's closest friend.

Later that afternoon, Alex preferred to stay with Jack one last time before going home. He still had a few more moments to relive, and the rest of the squad, including the girls, were more than okay to join him.

"Hey guys. Thanks for waiting for me." Alex muttered as Samantha quickly joined him, locking her arm on his. It looked like everyone was also doing it with their partners.

"You guys should wear suits more often. But I'm not wishing for another funeral, okay?" Maxine said as the group chuckled.

"I used to wear these all the time. I look good at it, right France?" Soap nudged his girlfriend, making France blush uncontrollably.

"Yeah fine. You do." She replied nonchalantly. But everyone knows she's more than smitten.

"Now that this is over, what's next for us?" Roach asked the group, as they collectively shot an 'I don't know' look.

"Well. It's obviously an R and R for us." France said, proudly citing one of 141's rules.

"R and R?" Maxine asked.

"It means Rest and Recreation." Roach was quick to reply.

Alex looked at Samantha with a smile. R and R

sounded perfect.

"I'm actually finishing my psych exam tomorrow." France stated.

"I'll go with her for a check up as well. That nasty fall still bothered me." Soap added, holding on to France's waist and pulling it close to him.

"Well, looks like everyone's got plans." Roach grinned, looking at Maxine, suggesting that they had something for themselves as well.

Next Chapter : Epilogue - ONE's Sacrifice

Notification Squad my Beloved

@enderio @smokeywhalee @samatedeansbroccoli @ricinbach @bumblingbee1 @whimsywispsblog

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

SOMEWHERE ON THE ROAD.

Marcus Álvarez x Jackson Teller' sister!Reader

Anon asked: how about an imagine of Alvarez x Jax little sister

Word count: 2.3k

Thanks to my lovely beta reader @chibsytelford 💖

Author Comments: Let me know if you would like a second part! I hope you all enjoy. Gif isn't mine.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​ @sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcroslut @jade770 @arveeee @witchy-wish ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

“A woman isn't gonna touch my bike, pendejo”.

“Mexican, drug dealer and sexist, you have the combo, Álvarez”. You roll your eyes, taking him off the keys whilst he's focused arguing with your brother.

“Amma' fuckin' shoot you, puta”. He says then, trying to get the gun behind his kutte, before Jax stops him with both hands on his chest.

“Trust me, brother, no one will treat your bike better than my sister”.

“You better”. He threatens him with an aggressive tone, before having a sit in the nearest picnic table.

Of course, you know you're going to work with his dark eyes constantly on you. But you don't care. Once that your headphones are on and the motorbike is on the lift, you only get focused on figure out what's wrong with the engine. You try to turn it on, knowing by the watery buzz where the problem comes from. So you can get down to work.

Taking a hard plastic tube, you tuck it inside the gasoil tank, sucking by your lips the other extreme just one second, before the dark liquid start to fall into the pail close to your feet. And by the lumps it has, you know that the fuel pump is already k.o. But first you have to leave it empty. So when the tube is dripping every six seconds, you take it off to walk towards the tools closet, choosing the ones you need. You start dismounting the body of the motorbike, just to make easy unscrew the pump, cleaning after that some rest of fuel around the empty space with a brush. Throwing away the component, making a loud sound colliding with the floor, you can see sideways how the mexican tries to get up himself from the table, being stopped again by your brother's hands.

Cleaning yours on the jumpsuit, you turn over your feet to guide your steps to the right corner of the workshop. Opening another closet filled with cardboard boxes of different sizes, your fingertips tour every tag on them till you find the model you need. It takes you twenty minutes more, between assembling the motorbike again and fill the tank. You know it's ready to be used, but maybe clean it up could be a good gesture to the Mayans president. And you do it with extreme care, a new sponge and a soap that will give it more shine. It's an easy job, but you have to do it well. Finishing it by spraying a sun protector for the paint.

When it's already done, taking off the headphones of your ears, you walk close to the table offering him his own keys.

“Thanks for hiring the services of Teller Morrow, señor Álvarez”.

The man take them in silence with no gesture on his face, getting up so he can go to his bike and check it's already working. Of course yes. Jax raises both eyebrows with a huge and satisfied smile on his lips, and both arms supported on the table as his back, looking at the mexican.

“You impressed him”. Your brother says, holding your waist to push you into his lap, sitting there.

“Yeah, sure…” Rolling your eyes you palm his chest chuckling.

“Are you gonna come to the party tonight?”

“I don' know. Should I?”

“You should, daughter of Anarchy. Other charters are coming and I need a babysitter”.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

You're not into parties, that's not for you being the opposite of your brother. But as your mother always says ‘club goes first’. No matter where you look at, there are girls almost naked dancing around every men there and for you is pretty uncomfortable. You can't hide in a dorm, occupied by some member fucking one of those bitches. You can't hide in the clubhouse because they also don't need a dorm. You can't hide in the workshop because, well, same shit. So the only place secure for you it's the rooftop, where your father used to teach you about the stars on Sunday nights.

Lying on the floor with a beer next to you, you place your hands under your head, focusing on the dark sky and trying not to hear all the barbarities that are happening in the crowded yard. But the characteristic sound of the metallic door getting opened calls your attention. Alvarez is there, holding a small cardboard box in one of his hands. You turn at him just for a second.

“Shouldn't be the Mayans presidente joying the party?”

“Shouldn' do the same the ‘daughter of Anarchy’?”

Clicking your tongue and sitting up to have a drink from your beer, you curl your knees against your chest. He already knows by that gesture that you're not enjoying the celebration. Walking towards you, he offers you the box.

“Jax told me you said 'you like my leather handles”.

With a raised eyebrow, you take it opening the brown flap to find them. Aren't the same, but they're pretty cool too. Pursing your lips in a soft smile, you twist your neck in a funny gesture.

“Look at you, presidente. From calling me ‘puta’ to giving me a present”.

“I know how to recognize a job well done”.

“And complementing me”. You nod with your chin, joking on him a little.

“May I join you? I'm not into parties after a long week, chamaca”. He says, sitting down without waiting for a reply. “This morning I had the… feeling that you're like a locked bird”.

Taking away your gaze from him to the dark sky, you shrug your shoulders with a soft sight drowned in your lips.

“Who cares?” You ask then with a lower tone.

“Your family?”

You laugh bittersweet shaking your head, surrounding your legs with both arms and your eyes placed on the leather handles.

“Gemma and Jax live for the club. They just… dragged me to the life my father tried to save me from”. You say, and maybe it's reckless but you're tired of all these bullshit. “We don' have the same concept of family as the mexicans have. America is based in money and power. And if they have to kill their own blood to earn it... they don' doubt”.

It's painful, but it's the crude reality. He nods one time, whilst you're drinking again. And the man doesn't say anything else, narrowing your left shoulder for a second before getting up and leaving you there alone.

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

Hard knocks hit the door of your dorm at the clubhouse. You stayed there the last night because of the last week you had to work most than never before, since other Mayans knew you fixed Álvarez motorcycle. It's almost eleven am when you watch somewhat sleepy the clock on the nightstand, looking at the entrance that Jax is crossing with a confused look on his face. Closing it after his steps, he sits in the edge of the bed. Sitting up and rubbing your eyes with your knuckles, you yawn exaggeratedly.

“I don' start till four”. You say feeling your throat pretty dry, after all the shots you drunk last night.

“What happened in the party last week?”

“What do you mean, Jay'?”

“Did you talk with Álvarez?”

“Yeah, more or less. He brought me something like a… present”.

“He put a proposal on the table”.

You growl a little bit confused with a firm sound.

“He's gonna open another two Mayans charters. That means he'll travel more often”.

“Good. So, what?”

“He wants you as his personal mechanic, riding by his side”.

A mix of feelings are running through your body, having to hide them all, pursing your lips and shaking your head for a second pretending that you're surprised. You are, but at the same time, you're not. Charming it's not a place for someone like you and Álvarez knew to see it.

“The question is…” Jax holds your hands with his, leaving a kiss on each back. “What do you want?”

His blue eyes are on yours. Maybe you can keep your secrets, your wishes and your concerns away from your mother. But it's impossible to keep them from him. And he even doesn't need words to know your answer. His gesture changes into something more unhappy and disappointed with the decision you're going to take. Jax can't help but letting a tear running down his cheek, putting his gaze away. You will still submerged in the MC's world, but at least, you're gonna be far enough from Charming to burn in hell. It's another way to save your life, as your father always wanted. As your brother does.

With a heavy and sad snort, he leans towards you with a hand on your nape pushing you closer, leaving a slow kiss on your forehead knowing that it's going to pass a lot of time until he will be able to kiss you again. You're already crying with your eyes filled with tears and a knot oppressing your throat.

“I never wanted this life for you… But I know he's gonna take care of you better than I could do it here”.

“Don' say that, Ja—”.

“It's true, (Y/N). Gemma loves you, more than she will ever love me, but all she wants for you is to suck the cock of a Son' and keep his house clean. You're not one of those bitches, you're a free soul. And no one will ever tame you. Don't let them, sister. You're more than a fuckin' pussy”.

Maybe they're not the best words to show his love, but you understand the jargon he's using.

“We will meet again, somewhere on the road”. You say swallowing, biting and licking your lips, remembering those words your father used to tell you.

“Somewhere on the road”.

┅┅ ┅ ┅ ┅┅

Farewells have always been hard and sad, knowing that you're leaving a piece of your heart in the town that saw you born. But it's not your home anymore, since many years ago. It's not the place that should fits you like a second skin. You haven't even looked back after you have turn on your motorcycle behind Álvarez's. And you haven't even looked back when you have passed away the welcome sign of Charming. It's not the way you would like to leave them, but someday you had to fly from the nest and you know that your father, wherever he is, is proud of you.

Night is falling down when you're reaching Oakland. You have never been there before, but looks like a good city to create your own roots. At least, is prettier than the sewer that Charming was. Álvarez makes a gesture with his right hand, being passed away by the other Mayans, before doing you another one. You speed a little your bike, placing by his side somewhat confused.

“Follow me”. He says louder, above the sound of your motorcycles. You nod without asking.

Going down the principal avenue, he turns to the left before a roundabout, driving for three minutes more on a secondary street till the music floods it. Making you a last one gesture, you park close to him, getting up and taking off the helmet. There are a lot of people on the street, dancing, laughing and eating as if it was a mexican festival. The happiness infects your body, looking around fascinated by all the colors hanging from the lampposts with different shapes. You're too focused to see the way Marcus is looking at you, walking some inches away from your steps. Putting your hands inside your pockets and turning above your feet just one second, you find yourself smiling with some naturally you didn't even know you could have.

“You like it, ah?” He asks then, bringing you back to real life.

“Yes”. You just say reaching him and letting the mexican place an arm on your shoulders.

Some minutes after you're sitting on the edge of a sidewalk eating a taco for first time in your life. You know what they are, but you haven't tried them before and it's really delicious.

“Welcome to the tribe”. He says after cleaning his mouth with a napkin, cheering his food with yours.

“Eating it was the ritual?”

“I can't have by my side someone who disrespect my gastronomy”.

You chuckle shaking your head, having another bite maintaining his gaze with yours, so he can see you're really enjoying it. Drawing after that an exaggerated smile, closing your eyes for a second. Marcus laugh loud, touching his shoulder with yours.

“Thank you”. You mutter then, pulling down a little piece of paper so you can eat the last bite.

“Fo' what?”

“You saved me, and no one asked you to do it. You could have walked away... keeping your business with Samcro and pretend you never heard anything that I said”.

“You said mexicans have a different concept than americans, but you were wrong, chamaquita. My family sold me too”. He replies, cleaning his hands as soon as he finish to light up a cigar. “Mayans. We're renegades. We're a family of people who were betrayed by their own blood, that's why ‘the club goes first’. And I want you to be part of it”.

That has sense. All the sense that there can be on earth.

“I want to give you a family. A family who will give their lives for yours, if it's necessary”. Having a smoke, he points your heart and your head with his free hand. “This and this can't be locked in a cage. You have too much to offer the world, (Y/N). I couldn't leave you there, rotting among scrap, putas and drunks”.

You nod for a second, taking the confidence to surround his closer arm to you with yours, resting your cheek on his shoulder.

“I can't promise you a good life, but a bullet to shoot it whenever it tries to fuck you down”.

“Socrates is crying with emotion because of your philosophy, Marcus”. You joke on him, calling the mexican by his name for the first time. Fact that doesn't seems that bothers him, accompanying your laughter with his.

“Wanna' meet the crew?”

“Of course. I'm ready to improve my spanish”.

“The show just have started”.

[hazbinextgeneration]

Into The Casino Ch15

Well at least now things were starting to move along it seemed. The little naïve gal was FINALLY starting to make progress and he could actually enjoy himself while doing so. Oh she was still clumsy and tripped over her feet or misplaced a step here and there, but OH BOY! It was MUCH better than when they were first starting out and her being so tense all the time. All he had to do was put on a little swing and let her figure herself out a little ways in, not that he was complaining though. He enjoyed this just as much as anyone else and the happy smiles and laughing she was starting to give off was absolutely delightful! She was even starting to get a little better with his presence around her, she still jumped and acted suspicious of him, but the little progress was outstanding compared to months ago when she wouldn't let anyone so much as shake her hand. He was far from done believe me, but he had an idea as to what to do now. Not that his singing and dancing weren't amazing after all.~ They absolutely were astounding and she even said so herself, so why should he even worry about that bit? But he had to confess. It was nice having a dancing partner who actually knew of the dances they were doing, but don't think he was letting her dance swing, the waltzes were actually coming along much better now as well. He would have to commend Cyber for her idea later, she was no longer so reluctant to perform such dances with him...And that's one of the only thing's he was worried about. She had no problem dancing with HIM. Just him. Cyber reminded him that she might be different in a giant crowd of his peers, but he would deal with that when it came.

Right now they had to get ready. So imagine her surprise one day when she egarly got up for today's day of dancing lessons and instead found as soon as she opened the door, Cyber was waiting at the other side holding a box. Amafia blinked and only watched as she came in not even asking. The box was placed on the bed and she began to shift through it. Pulling out what looked like a kit of sorts, some kind of paint brushes, and lastly some kind of shimmering fabric of some sort. The sighed and went to rub her head before looking back to the confused looking unicorn just standing there staring before walking back over to her. She was surprised when Cyber closed the door and began pushing her towards the bathroom. "Go clean yourself up good. And hurry. Boss likes to show up early sometimes to show off." "Show up?" She twisted her neck to look over her shoulder at her before Cyber gave her a small shove into the bathroom. Grabbing the door. "Where are we going now?" She rolled her eyes. "That fancy party of course. And we're both already ready to go. Now hurry up and get groomed up I have to doll ya up before we leave, since last time you had trouble putting on plain eye shadow. Now get done will ya?" The bathroom door was closed shut behind her...and she stood there a moment just blinking at it in surprise. ..Before reluctantly turning with drooped ears to the room and sighed, this would be a long day wouldn't it? And a fancy party was the last thing she really wanted right now. All those eyes peering at her and..and like Lou suggested. He intended on having fun there as well, the sudden fear pooling in her stomach made her jump at the very thought of messing up in front of everyone and embarrassing them both. And it'd be all her fault! And what if something else worse happened from that?!...She shook her head. No, NO!! She wasn't about to fall down that rabbit hole again. Despite the wave of emotions, she sucked in a deep breath and let it out again. Not again. She told herself. She wouldn't let herself go down that path again. Once was too much of enough anyways. So the world of warm water and soap was visited for her, still with the rock in her stomach and the lump in her throat. Cyber also seemed to be lazersharp with her senses and was waiting right outside the door as soon as the door opened again and she was again dragged out and forced to sit down on the bed at she went to work. Something looking similar to a gun but sounded like a vacuum was aimed at her face before hot air was blasted into her face and she flinched back when Cyber went around her body and began shifting her hair around with a hum. Brow raised....The thing was turned off and she yelped again when a brush was yanked through her head. Cyber wasn't kidding when she said they were in a hurry and ignored her small yelps and whimpers at her hurrying through her mane of hair, seriously. Why did women insist on having this? She never understood the thought of it, long hair would just get in the way of battling for your life anyways. But that still didn't stop her from just putting it into a neat fluffed up ponytail, Lou said to make her look nice. Not extremely fancy, so this would do. Amalfia hiss and lightly reached up to poke at the handywork done before she yelped as she was pushed up from the sitting position from the bed and a blue-green blur of fabric was yanked over her head, she gave a muffled whine of surprise before it was yanked all the way down and Cyber set to work straightening it onto her. Before these strange shiny...wing like pieces were retrieved from the box as well. "Hold your arms out." ...She didn't question her at this point and just did as she was asked. Watching as the things were slipped onto her and secured onto her by the smaller female. They resembled butterfly wings with peacock markings. Shimmering blues and greens with the patterns. ..Until something was shoved onto her face and she blinked back through eyeholes through the shimmering mask Cyber was securing into her. it felt as light as the wings accessories added to her and blinked down to Cyber who took a few steps back and looked her over. "...There. God enough." She still didn't have time to get her bearings when Cyber grabbed her hand and pulled her out the door and into the hallway. Trying not to trip over the long train of the dress as she was pulled along and around the corner..Where a certain plant demon was waiting for them both. He was wearing that black cloak again, giving him the look of a true high class villain and he was currently humming and staring at himself in a giant hallway mirror in front of him. Straightening his tie and looking at himself before those red eyes blinked to the incoming two figured behind him and smiled, twirling around just at the flashes of shiny blues and greens stopped in front of him. His smile widening. "Ah! Look at you.~" His eyes glazed over her. Totally worth the souls he paid. "My, my. Now don't you look absolutely delightful.~" She blinked and looked to the mirror in front of them...and froze at what was gazing back at her. He chuckled when her hands slowly came up and touched her face delicately. Cyber did a fantastic rush job in just a short time. "Not that I expected anything less from you two of course. Shall we be going?" She paused. "W-Wait!" She looked back to him. "S-S-So soon? Now? B-B-But that seems so early for you. What about here?" "Disease and Midnight are in charge. I trust them to watch my casino for one day and night. That's how long this whole thing lasts you know, a whole day and night.~" He grabbed her arm and lightly tugged her along as he walked along. "And if anything does go horribly wrong, then we'll leave immediately. Im not stupid to leave them in charge if I didn't trust their abilities now would I?" "N-No. I guess not..b-but why so soon?" His smile curled at the ends. "Simple. The sooner we arrive the better the chances of scoping out the ...competitors we can do. I always enjoy 'friendly' competition, and Im never late to an event such as this. That would be too unexpected of me.~" She rose a brow at what he ment, and turned to Cyber, but the metal guard just straightened herself in the mirror for one quick second before obediently following behind them. Making sure NOT to step on the dress's trail behind her. The pit in her stomach formed the more she thought of all those people around her staring and not knowing what they were capable of, but she hid it relatively enough as he lead her out to the fancy limo, which he was quite eager to have her sit into minding the pieces of her dress and ducked in after her. As the engine started up she had to wonder where exactly they would be going exactly. Her scalp still lightly hurt from Cyber's quick one hour dress up game and she was tempted to rub her head, but she didn't need the guilt of having her hard work ruined on top of the build up of bad feelings already pooling in her stomach. So to pass the time, she looked out the window and watched the famous casino fade away into obliviation as the car sped up...funny, she didn't think the car could go this fast before. The run down buildings of the poor saps and other small businesses around them slowly turned into bigger ones. Much, MUCH bigger ones. She had to bend down to look at them, yup! Definitely skyscrapers along with a lot of other strange looking buildings. Most were in weird shapes and sizes but most definitely BIG. Fancy giant signs were plastored onto each and every one of them, neon signs glowing and strange puns and words were etched into them. 'Dante's Inferno: We heat your hundredth enemy for free!' 'Cat's Eye Children's Center' 'Hell-of-a Good Time'.....By the neon lady she could figure out it must've been a place similar to Rita's and she gave a small cringe at that. But there was one place that caught her eye after a good long while, she blinked and squinted her eyes at it. There was a tower a little bigger than the others, looked pretty shiny too, but what attracted her eyes to it was the spotlights shining around from it and the overall high class vibe it gave off. And she couldn't help but be amazed by the sheer thing. Lou seemed to notice her interested look and craned his neck over to peer at what she could possibly be marveling at...and he chuckled. She jumped and looked at him, not even hearing him come next to her, and he shook his head. "Typical Cyrus. Always one for the dramatics. I wonder what he could possibly have in store for THIS year." "This year?" Her eyes blinked confused at him and he chuckled. "My associate likes to invite all the big names in the second circle to his little shindigs to keep an eye on what new ideas they have and what young blood thinks can easily outthrow some of the more powerful ones. Smart move dequised as a simple high society party, but I do enjoy 'catching up' on what's going on through the grape vine.~ Can't have anyone trying anything around MY area now can we?" "Does that mean that you're..." His head slowly turned to her. "Y-You're one of t-the big cheeses around this neighborhood?" His smile got even more wider. "My dear.~ You are looking at the person who is currently the thriteenth most dangerous man in the second circle of hell." There was DEFINATELY a glint in his eyes and a growl in his tone as he spoke. "But perhaps...someday that will change." She shivered under his look and Cyber had to nudge him to get him to cut it out. "But for now I would much rather have a pleasant evening with you.~" She wasn't sure how to take that, so instead of answering she looked back out the window and watched as the building came closer and closer and just as she suspected, it actually was spotlights shining all around. All around a giant metal fence higher than any she's seen, and right behind him was an honest to goodness almost typical looking backyward. If the backyard belonged to a millionaire. A giant pool shimmered in the lights and bounced off the other expensive looking outside furniture the more the limo passed and she only stopped looking when they suddenly stopped and Lou gently but firmly grabbed her hand as the limo door popped open and he got out dragging her behind him. Cyber following close after. To say she was surprised was an understatement. She was completely caught off guard at the amount of class this building had right in front of her. Because from the moment they got out a red carpet was the first thing they stepped on and Lou didn't even give her a chance to take it in as he pulled her along similar like a mother would their child. But that still didn't stop her gawking at the impressive structure as they walked up towards it. Just like the resturaunt and Rita's club, there was a pair of bodyguards but these demons..OH! These demons looked like they could wrestle a whale and still not break a sweat, they were that big and that muscular compared to herself who was just a twig in comparison. But Lou didn't even look fazed when he reached into his coat pocket and simply presented the pink purple paper he had first showed her advertising the place to him to them. The bigger one of the two took a couple seconds to look it over before he grunted and shifted to open the door for them to enter. SHE. WOULD. HAVE. Stopped dead in her tracks if Lou still wasn't leading her around and her jaw dropped at what her eye beheld on the inside once they made it in. Oh. My. Goodness. IT. WAS. BEAUTIFUL!! You know that grand ball room every little girl dreamed about when they pretended to be a princess? Well how about the paintings of those anceint fairytale ballrooms with cinderella or some other ancient kingdom? Well this was like that. But much MUCH more better. The whole place was alive with golden lights that shined with the BIGGEST crystal chendeleir she's EVER SEEN!! It sparkled against the pure white ceilings and walls and speaking of walls. Giant stained glass windows shimmered with each window showing a different scene or picture. A woman dancing. A giant rose. A man riding into battle on horseback. They were all beautiful in their own way. But as he lead her down the massive marble staircase she instantly took notice of the other voices around them and looked down. Instantly taking notice of the maybe..Fifty or so other demons that were already inhabiting the ball room and it's magnificent floor. She blinked. She'd never seen so many fancy suits or dresses in her life as she instinctively squeezed herself a bit more tighter to Lou's side as the demon rose a brow and gave a slow look around the room. It didn't look like anyone new had joined the fray, good. He didn't have to watch out for any new blood trying their tricks...yet. But there was always threats no matter with or without new overlords making themselves present. And with his and Cyber's combined senses on high alert, he should be fine from any threats for tonight. But Amalfia could sure feel a bunch of eyes on them now as some of the demons looked over in their direction, but some turned away as soon as they saw them. Most of them were a bigger than her and she could barely see past the flurry of sparkling dresses and jewelry. From the very corner of the room there was a band with lots of different demons in tuxes dressed up and playing as one man waving around a small pointed stick stood on a step above the band. He muct've been the conductor for the band. They were playing a rather lovely victorian style-like waltz. Mostly with violins and flutes for now, very calming. And past all the people was the longest table she'd ever seen. And just now she noticed the smell of food pounding her nose. Her eyes glanced over all the sparkling glassware and plates holding MOUNTAINS of food of all kinds and sizes. A giant roast pig, chocolate fountain, rows and rows of fruits and deserts near it. Her mouth just watered at the meer sight of the glorious amount of food she hadn't seen since....NEVER!! Lou could see where her eyes went and he chuckled again. "Ah! So Mr. Early bird is late for once." Lou calmly turned his head with a raised brow to a random demon that was maybe ....THREE?! feet taller than him and covered in gold jewelry among his feathered body. Amalfia froze and Lou could feel her grip tighten around his arm at the much taller demon as she flinched. A lovely lady on either side of the tall bird demon as he rose a brow to her ..then to him. "Picked up another, eh?" She blinked up to him and Lou chuckled before waving him off. "Oh, well things can have a small bump in progress. And it does seem Im still fairly early compared to a lot of others." The taller demon hummed and shook himself out. The gold jewelry glittering among his features as he turned with the two ladies hanging off him. "None the less. I wonder if there'll be anymore surprises in store for tonight." The plant demon merely chuckled as the man walked off and Amalfia shivered at the weird glint he held. "W-Who was that?" "THAT was Cyrus." He calmly stated when he pulled her away. "Great grand nephew of one of the princes of hell and fifth most powerful being in the second circle." She blinked after him before turning to Lou. "He seems like a very flashy character." He laughed and smirked at her. "My dear. He works for his Uncle and he's VERY good at what he does. He's not afraid to show his wealth, it's one of the ways to show your power down here and can ward off comepitors and rivals weaker than you." "So..Does that mean all these demons are o-overlords and r-r-royalty?" She gave another look at the many demons around them and more were still coming in through the doors. If they were really as power hungry and strong as Lou makes them to be...she visically gulped and her ears went back. Cyber rose a brow at her reaction and shot up a look at Lou as if telling him to do something. Cyber was on edge for any blast that could possibly kill him or her. And a blast from a terrified unicorn was the last thing they wanted here, they were trying to keep a low profile after all. So Lou waved his hand around them calmly and stated. "No. No one here is true royalty not even Cyrus. And while overlords such as myself are usually here, I suspect most of these people are as simple the band at play or the cheifs that cooked his food. Most people to attend these things are just weathy business owners, you don't have to be strong persay to be weathy and have power and influence. I just happen to be a mix of the two." His eyes glanced over herself and it took her a moment to realize he was glancing at her dress. "Why do you think I asked for such a design to your dress? Not only does it look beautiful on you, if we happen to run into a certain little birdy, it'll send her into a tizzy hopefully.~ Less business for someone who throws a tantrum.~'' ........She blinked. And rose a brow. "Are you saying that...You asked them to make this dress to make fun of Rita and get her to argue with you to lose business?" "That's the point! And I don't see why you would complain. You did say you didn't like her place, and this isn't like on the surface. Down here you have to use your head. Even with clothes." She blinked and looked back around her. Well...She guessed that made sense. These were demons after all, you kinda expect fair and square to be a foreign concept down here, so it would make total sense for someone to do that and it was one way to do so without physically putting anyone in danger. In a way, it was kind of him...Rita? A feeling of guilt suddenly bubbled up in her as Charles full history lesson smacked her brain into overdrive as the memories of what he said came flying back to her. But....the guilty feeling wasn't about BEING with Lou. The guilty feeling was about about NOT TELLING Lou if that made any sense. Sure she didn't really lie to him about anything, and it certainly wasn't anyone's fault. Disease didn't know and telling him might get the snake in trouble, and even though she kinda getting tired of the guy peeking around corners at her, she didn't want him to get in trouble. And what would poor Midnight think? Sure she was always grumpy, but she really did care about Disease. In their few encounters when Disease just hugged the small which and said nothing but good things about her, there would be a red over her face or maybe once and a while a very, very small smile. She couldn't really explain it, but she had a feeling Midnight actually liked Disease's flirty words and sweet hugs for someone being so grumpy. And she definately didn't want any bad blood between the two for something she did....But not telling Lou for some reason just felt ...wrong..Really, REALLY wrong. Like telling him what she knew was eating at her. Maybe it was because Lou and Charles were enemies in life and now work rivals, but it still felt so wrong. Her stomach rumbled out and she gave an embarrassed jump at it and looked to the table, giving a hungry look towards the mountains of food avalible. She was rushed out so fast she hadn't had anything to eat for breakfast. And just now she noticed how hungry she was. Lou chuckled at the obvious look she was giving and stopped walking. "Would you like to stop and get something to eat?" She turned up a hopeful look to him and nodded and he turned their direction towards the table. "Well then. Perhaps you could stay there while I find a certain someone I've been 'dying' to do business with." Cyber blinked and almost mirrored the same surprised look the pony did at his offer. But neither said anything until they got to the table and he unfurled his arm around her, with a grin as her eyes instantly hit the small fancy desert cup and gave another look to him. "...Well. You don't need my permission to eat. Have at it!" Her eyes lit up and she excitedly but slowly took the fancy looking cake in a cup with cream and strawberries and began eating it. A plesent smile rising to her lips as she did so- He was interrupted when Cyber pulled on his side and he leaned down. "Yes, Cyber. Did you want something?" "Leaving her alone? Here? Have you gambled the last brain cell away?," she whisper hissed at him. He just calmly smiled. "Cyber. If everyone just sees me cling to her the entire night, they'll definately think Im trying to hide something and by treating her as I would normally treat any 'dates' I bring sometimes, it would be less suspicious. And it's not as if anyone would pay much attention to a small weakling like her...well weak for the moment. This party is about showing off and trying to mooch off the most greedy looking lowlives here. She is neither giving off rich or powerful auras." His smile became wider. "Besides. Nothing is going to happen if you watch her. Will you?" Cyber still looked like she wanted to protest but ultimately sighed and just nodded and Lou patted her shoulder. "See? You're worrying too much." "And I think you're worrying maybe just too little-" "Is everything alright?" He turned back up and smiled at the lady. "Of course. Everything is going to alright. But I must ask something of you, and I ask that you follow the intructions I'm about to give you." Her confusion and worry grew just a little bit more. "W-What is it?" "I have some business scouting to do for a moment or two. So I need you to stay right here and wait for me right here until I come back." one look told him she DID NOT like this idea anymore than Cyber and she opened her mouth to argue but he held up a hand, "Now, I know it sounds like a stupid idea, but you have trusted me more than one would usually do and it's only fair I would ask to cash in that same trust for myself. Wouldn't it?" She opened her mouth again...but closed it with a sigh and simply nodded. Well, he had a point. She asked him for a few things and she supposed standing and waiting in one place wasn't the worst thing to ask of her. He smiled wider. "Good girl. Now Cyber will make an appearance every so often to check up on you so you have nothing to worry about, and if someone does approach you, just act as uninteresting as possible. That usually drives them off. If not, just wave Cyber down. I promise I will be back shortly! Just trust me with this one thing." He turned on his heel and without so much as another word, walked off towards the large crowd. Cyber and her exchanged a quick unimpressed look before she sighed and began following off after said plant demon who easily disappeared off into the sea of demons wearing sparly dresses and tuxedos, not even that tall top hat being seen. And she was left all alone. With nothing but the desert cup in her hands as company for herelf. But as promised she didn't dare move from the spot and instead looked around at the demons for a couple minutes..and coughed. The smell of smoke and perfume wasn't as bad as the state at Rita's, but she still didn't like the smell of smoke or too much perfume sprayed on, so not wanting to look rude and upset anyone she just looked down and ate on the sidelines for the next few minutes, trying to look as boring and uninteresting as possible. One thing she learnt from her time down there, if you don't make eye contact and keep to yourself, you're more likely to be left alone. And it worked no one approuched her or got close except to walk around her to get to the table and she would happily silently move out of the way for the demon, but once or twice had to stop herself from snorting from any cigar or perfume shoved into her nostrils. But over all it was nice. But she couldn't help but flinch at anyone getting too close. Once and a while she'd thought she'd see a glimpse of Cyber peeking out somewhere but she couldn't be too sure, after all it seemed the talking got louder as did the music. They were playing a new melody now. Still sounded like a waltz but more intruments were added like some drums, trumpets, and she was sure there was at least one tuba but the band was blocked from veiw because all of these demons. All the different smells and sights and sounds were starting to become rather dizzy to her if she did say so herself. She also began to lose track of time. How long had it been since she last saw the two? Maybe an hour or two at most now and her nerves were certainly NOT helping in this situation. And not only that, but being alone with your thoughts had a habit of always making you remember certain things. Like that guilty feeling of still not telling Lou anything about her and Charles encounter. She had pondering it for a long time now and came to the conclusion that it would not go away until she said whatever was on her mind, and so it was decided. As soon as she saw him she'd tell him. Tell him, and ask as a 'courting favor' to her to not be so hard on Disease. It might not be the brightest thing but what was the alternitive? Letting the feeling in her gut continue to bother her? She learnt it was always better to keep your mouth shut bout these certain thing but...It was hard to explain, but she had a feeling that everything would be ok. So she just stood there patiently waiting but she did pause when she finally caught sight of a certain plant demon a little ways from her. He was talking with someone and laughed at something he said. Well, she knew she promised to stay but- Like with Disease, she gave a guilty look around but didn't see Cyber anywhere or looking at her...So. She left her spot. And started walking towards him. But a crowd of demons just HAD to move in front of her at that same time and she lost him again in the crowd. Whelp! No turning back now. So pushing into the crowd she went. The music of the giant ballroom gently flowed throughout and between the beautiful decorations wrapped around the walls. The way the candles lit up the surroundings and made the shadows beautifully dance against the walls. The way the smell of delicious food and flowers wafted through the air. The beautiful music mixing with the laughter and talking of the guests around the whole place. It was almost like a dream. Everyone having a great time behind their masked faces, no one telling who they were or maybe that was all part of the game. The fun of not knowing who you were speaking too and being able to be your own person tonight. But maybe she wasn't meant to join the fun and laughter that everyone else seemed to be having. Being maskless and alone wondering the ball was the lonely fate of the girl in the flowing white dress. Blindly walking and circles, moving around. The sounds, the smells, the atmosphere. It was starting to make her dizzy. Everyway she'd turn she would catch a glimpse of a man with red eyes. Very familiar red eyes. Her dizzied mind knew not to be afraid or excited about the way it gazed and pierced her soul. The way he looked at her with those beautiful blood red eyes. Promising only trouble ahead. Well maybe she was looking for trouble, her head was kept on a swivel, always looking around herself in the see of masked laughter. Sometimes she'd catch a glimpse of red or maybe it was just her clouded emotional mind. At this point she didn't know if she was searching for him or trying to ensure she was far from him. But however she put it, the circles and laughter was starting to get dizzier and dizzier. She barely noticed when someone tall and with a smile, bowed to her. Grabbed her hand. And lead her to dance. Maybe it was because she was temporarily blinded by the smile upon his face, or the swirls of the graceful dance they spun. But there was no mistaking those red eyes. Perhaps she was crazy. Perhaps her dizzy mind was clouding any judgement. Maybe she was under some kind of spell from those red eyes. But when those fangs smiled at her- She smiled back.

His brow rose as his body brought her's to a matching slow dance with other blurs around them. "I thought I asked you to stay put. I would've came to get you you know."

"I w-w-was looking for you actually." She wasn't even paying attention to the dance he had pulled her into. Almost perfectly going along with the slow beat.

He chuckled. "Oh really? Were you that desperate to be in my arms, or was someone bothering you?"

Her eyes glanced down for a moment. "N-No..Not someone. Something actually. I g-gotta confession to make."

She gave a small surprised gasp when he suddenly spun her before quickly pulling her back into that same slow circling motion so they could still speak while speaking. "Now what could that be I wonder. Would you mind sharing?"

She hesitated for a moment, staring down again before closing her eyes and taking a slow inhale. Releasing it back out before looking back up to Lou. "I-...I t-talked to Charles when I visited Rita's club."

They stopped. Literally stopped in place as soon as the sentence left her mouth. She stared down frozen at her for the longest time before he chuckled and asked, "Beg pardon?"

She took in another breath. "I talked to Charles about you. H-He-..He told me everything between you two..." Her ears went back. "I-I know you killed him."

"......Do you know?" His mind was already racing with ideas and possibilities from this new outcome. Certainly a lot of bad ones so he'd have to quickly recover and cover his tracks now. What would be the most sappy thing to make her feel guilty and not belei-

"But I don't beleive him." Again his brain's train of thought stopped and he blinked in surprise at her as she finally dared to give a smile back to him. "Well..Not about the killing him part. I do beleive you did THAT. B-B-But about all the other stuff about how you're nothing but a terrible person who only thinks about himself. I don't beleive he was right about that part of you, not fully at least."

.....He blinked. "And...how did you come to that conclusion?"

Her ears perked back up. "By the way you treat Cyber and the others. You put a lot of trust in them and care about what they have to say, that shows you care about them in some way or another. And you treat me as an equal person instead of some object just sitting there to look pretty, which is a glow up from the schmucks that I'm used to being around." He still didn't answer and instead a surprised look came over him. "I trust you. And you're....f-f-fun to be around. And you're polite, and treat me with kindness. ..I-I don't know what you saw in me to take an interest, but Im happy you were so kind enough to give me such a chance...You're MUCH better than Charles paints you as."

He stood there for a moment as the other demons still danced around them. Cyber was giving him a raised brow confused glance from the sidelines, wondering if maybe something had gone wrong- But he quickly cleared his throat and looked off to the side for a moment. A strange fuzzy feeling in his chest. " I-...Well that's very, very kind of you to say so. ...To be honest not a lot of people I've met has said that to me-..." Those red eyes gazed over her in a strange way. "...And if I may return your kindness, you're not as bad a person yourself. In fact, I would say your skills as my newest employee have been improving greatly!!"

Her purple eyes sparkled at the compliment. "R-Really?"

He cleared his throat. "Of course! I wouldn't lie about progress. Now shall we continue? I would like to enjoy myself before I return back to business. I almost sealed the deal with something I think would make a wonderful addition for my business,..and I would appreciate it if you stay with Cyber this time."

"I will. I promise....Hey, Lou?" He hummed. "Thank you."

"For what exactly?"

"For everything."

His 'your welcome' was a smile and leading her back into what would not be the last dance for them that night, and Cyber rose a brow further from the sidelines. Humming to herself and rubbing her chin. Thing's might get a bit more interesting.

All characters except Amalfia belongs to @palettepainter

[talenevertold]

I love your love – untie it, entwine it (A KoiTsudu Fanfic)

Genre: Angst, Romance, Fluff, Smut... but mostly smut... I counted the pages, yes, I know the percentage  

***   ***   ***

It bugged him that she didn’t know how much he wanted her.

Or rather, she knew… to an extent.

They’ve been married for five months now, Nanase knew he had healthy sexual drive towards her… It’s just… she never grasped just how MUCH and how OFTEN he wanted her! His little soft wife, the most positive person he ever knew, who believed the best in the worst of people, who believed in herself professionally more and more each day – somehow, she’d managed to bypass building her self-esteem as a woman completely! In her world, Kairi was a god living on a pedestal of light and love, and she wasn’t worthy of him. In any way, shape or form. Especially, form.

***   ***   ***

He hated that part of himself so much! That part that didn’t know how to communicate this powerful, all-consuming need to have her, and hold her, and protect her and make her happy! Words! He needed words and the ones he had would always end up stuck in his throat or come out twisted. Nanase would startle, her eyes wide with worry, apologize in a deep respectful bow and get very quiet for a while. And he could almost see how she’d make yet another note in her mental notebook called ‘How not to upset my perfect husband, Volume 7 out of XX’.

Kairi Tendo, brilliant cardio surgeon, all around smart guy, was so dumb when it mattered the most! He vowed to himself so many times to hold his temper, to leash his arrogance and treat her better than that… but it was so damn hard! That stupid advice from long ago – to let life and work mix up and enjoy the chaos – was finally bringing results and not the ones he’d hoped for! Nanase was his wife, the most precious person whose smile and kind heart was vital to his survival – and yet she was also his nurse, quite promising and quickly improving specialist who cared too much, meddled enough, sometimes stood in the way and ever so rarely made mistakes. Teaching her, even reprimanding her, was a part of his job. And his personality was well suited for this, for being brutally honest and quick to judge. But Kairi couldn’t shake off the feeling that the same way Nanase brought her love and care for him to work – he’d bring his ‘sensei mode’ back home.

***   ***   ***

He yelled at her this morning. She was taking off the night shift, he was taking on the day shift, they’d cross paths only for her to update him and his day nurse on couple of critical post-op patients they had in the ICU. She’d stumbled with couple of overly-scientific words, took few moments too long to find the blood work results – and before he could catch himself, the devil in him called Tendo Nanase stupid. Out loud. In front of people. For real, this time.

She flinched, bowed, finished her report quickly and left. Without raising her eyes to him. And it hurt so much! And the fact that Nanase avoided his eyes because she believed to have disappointed him hurt that much more!

He was a demon indeed! Now he understood! Vile creature redeemed only by the fact that he had an angel for a wife… Whatever has he done in his previous lives to deserve her? Because Kairi was confident he did nothing significant enough to deserve her in this one! Or, alternatively, what could she possibly have done to deserve him as a punishment? Probably, not the case – Nanase was too bright of a soul to work off any past sins. She was light. And he was the monster.

***   ***   ***

At lunch hour, the nurse brought in a package. With his lunch box and a note from his wife. ‘Hope you’ll like this omurice, sensei. I promise to strive to be a better nurse… and a better cook. Remember to take care of yourself as you are very important to your patients and to me. Love, Nanase’. She’d also doodled little hearts and a smiling kitten. His ever-so-positive wife was trying to cheer him up.

Omurice was ok, but considering Tendo didn’t have breakfast this morning, it was amazing! While chewing on the chicken fried rice, he though absentmindedly that Nanase didn’t know how to cook omurice not so long ago. She must’ve added it to the long list of things she needed to learn in order ‘to be a better wife’ after he’d complimented the omurice they had at the restaurant this weekend. His wife would spend every waking moment free of studying or cleaning on googling recipes – for whatever reason Nanase believed it was her wifely duty to keep their home tidy and her husband well fed. Or, rather, she believed these were the skills she could master enough. For the rest of her ‘wifely duties’ Nanase was genuinely and heartbreakingly grateful to Kairi for ‘settling’ and ‘accepting her inexperience, clumsiness and shyness’. And it bugged him to no end how utterly wrong she was in this particular aspect! Of all the things! THIS was not him ‘settling’ for her, THIS was what surprised him the most straight from the beginning, how it’d hit him like a truck and knocked the breath out of him and he still couldn’t make sense of how MUCH and how OFTEN he couldn’t see straight and function properly because his body was filled with the NEED for his wife!

***   ***   ***

It wasn’t always like this for him. Kairi was never shy or anything but natural arrogance prevented him from developing deep enough connections for them to become physical – up until his university days. When you’re dealing with life and death on daily basis, things like ‘long-term’ and ‘waiting for the right time’ become less meaningful and less constricting. Sex becomes causality, something people do to relieve stress and have a bit of hormone rush. That is not to say Tendo Kairi was mundane about it – he took time and effort to become exceptional in it too, if not for anything other than being efficient and considerate of his partners.

But after Minori… he just didn’t care enough about life in general, other than lives of patients in his care. His physical excretion was dedicated to jogging and his hormones were forced to take a really long vacation.

Up until the point he’d met Sakura Nanase for the second time in his life.

Kairi couldn’t exactly pinpoint the moment when his general aversion to her antics turned into mild curiosity, then to soft appreciation and then, out of nowhere and all of a sudden, into majestic rainbow of feelings and emotions. And the least one Kairi expected was desire. Primitive, possessive, gut-wrenching lust for a little shy virgin with baby deer eyes and all the trust of the world shining in them! Nanase was so far away from his type that, as he ran towards her, his ‘type’ got lost behind the horizon and all that was left was her. Her forever-blushing cheeks, her soft hair, her clean scent… and his need to possess all of it, day and night, just him and always more!

***   ***  ***

Tendo Kairi was a practical man and once he’d realized that his girlfriend, Sakura Nanase, was ‘it’ for him – he’d accepted it and moved on. He never argued with himself regarding his ‘type’ and ‘standards’, never looked for faults in her appearance or tried to compare her with anyone from his past. He was forever grateful to Nanase for waking him up and proving he wasn’t dead inside – and that included his male drive.

However, that awakening soon proven to be too much to handle for normally cold-blooded and composed doctor. His naïve and inexperienced girlfriend knew she drove him mad with her mishaps and quirks… but she had no idea she drove him up the wall with desire just by being present!

It was so hard when they’d started dating…

That first time he’d kissed her and felt his entire body respond to her closeness… and how he stood behind her door thinking of the reasons to come in and do more ‘medical treatment’ kisses all over her skin… but then… Nanase was so pure, so innocent, so shook with all the events of that day… and so he waited.

The time she got jealous of Miori and tried letting him go… and he wanted to kiss her tears away… lock her in his arms and dispel her worries with the heat building up in his body…

And then hotel room… Her innocent plea to be gentle for her first time… Kairi held his breath when he felt Nanase approaching him… he prayed fervently… for her to do something, ANYTHING, to give him an excuse to respond… but also for her to keep her distance because he wasn’t sure he could be gentle with so much fire burning inside of him. So, when Nanase wished him ‘good night’ and felt asleep immediately after, Tendo was somewhat relieved… and hugely disappointed. And the chaste kiss he gave her that night did nothing to quench his thirst… again.

These moments were piling up and up and up… Until one day, about a week after Sakura was discharged after her accident… they played Jenga.

***   ***   ***

Jenga was supposed to be innocent enough game, something to keep Tendo focused on something else other than the girl beside him. That fresh-out-of-the-shower, wearing-loose-sweater-over-sports-bra girl with her hair still slightly wet and her skin still slightly flushed from hot water. She smelled of soap and happiness and that scent was making Kairi light-headed and heavy in the same time. The way she was biting her lower lip when she’d focused on her next move… the tilt of her head and dreamy expression when she was watching him… how was any of that not intentional, Tendo didn’t know!

Right before he was about to take out another risky block, Sakura tagged on her sweater to wipe out droplets of water rolling down her collarbones and sighted:

-          I probably should dry my hair after all…

Kairi refocused his gaze on her fingers sliding across the collar of the sweater. He opened his lips to respond and realized his mouth was too dry to talk. Sakura’s palm traveled back to the back of her neck and she’d stretched, swaying a bit in her sitting position. She looked at him and asked:

-          Sensei, please, wait till I’m back before you make your move, I need to see which one you took.

He nodded still not capable of coherent sounds. Nanase stood up and made half a step towards her bathroom when her knees buckled and she felt back down, landing inches away from him. She tried to break her fall by grabbing Tendo by the shirt but only ended up bumping their foreheads together. Sakura yelped and rubbed her forehead quickly, all while chattering her apologies:

-          Ah, sensei, did I hurt you? I’m so sorry, my leg fell asleep and I stumbled and I..! I’m so clumsy, sensei, it was all my fault!

Her eyes were fixed on his forehead, assessing the damage she thought she’d caused. Sakura looked back into his eyes, her voice a little raspy with worry:

-          Do you have a headache? Feel dizzy? Loosing focus in your vision?

Tendo noticed her eyes searching his face – his little nurse was assessing him for signs of brain trauma. He was about to make a comment that her head, no matter how hard, could not have damaged him that much… and then a memory crossed his mind. He did the same thing tree weeks ago… searched her eyes for pupils dilation, checked her pulse… she assured him she was fine back then… and he trusted her… and almost lost her…

Barely visible scar on her forehead will soon fade and be concealed by the hairline. She was back to work already and perfectly healthy. Yet, he couldn’t shake off the dread that broke into his chest and froze over his heart. He could have lost her. Not a single doctor in their hospital told him ‘It’s going to be ok’. Because he would know they were lying. And none of them was sure enough to tell him the truth. He could have lost her.

Stark contrast between cold spreading through his limbs and her warm presence so near him made Tendo shiver. Nanase noticed and took her fingers off his forehead:

-          What is it, sensei? How can I help?

The sincerity, the plea in her voice, so gentle, so honest, so in love… broke the ice that was binding him. Tendo grabbed her by the waist and hugged her tight to his chest, making her straddle his thighs. Nanase stilled for a second and then instinctively tried to pull away, too embarrassed by this new closeness to male body. Kairi didn’t let go, instead borrowing his face into crook of her neck, inhaling deeply her sweet, pulsing scent. So intoxicating, so alive!

-          Shh, Sakura, please…

The girl in his arms stopped struggling and he felt her feather-like touch hugging him around the waist. She whispered softly:

-          Tell me, what do you need?

Kairi turned his head and planted soft kiss just behind her ear, eliciting half-sight, half-moan out of his beloved captive. He did it again, tracing kisses down her neck, feeling her chest rise and fall quickly as her breathing became quick and shallow. Sakura’s fingers clutched his shirt from behind, digging into his back and injecting his nerves with electricity and short-circuiting his muscles. Tendo clenched his teeth before he could bite the tender skin on her shoulder and said in barely audible voice:

-          Please… just… please…

Sakura brought one of her hands and rested in between his shoulder blades, patting his back a little. That was probably supposed to be reassuring and calming motion but seeing how it flushed her body against his and she was still straddling his thighs – it was anything but! Nanase, still frustratingly oblivious to the storm she was wrecking with her innocent movements, asked him again:

-          What? Sensei, did you say something?

Kairi straightened and caught her face in his palms, locking her eyes – her deep, baby-deer-big eyes – with his. There was no fear in them or discomfort – just trust and love, so, so much love! Kairi said in low steady voice, making sure she understood everything this time:

-          Stay. With me. Tonight… be mine.

She knew what he’d meant. Tendo felt her body stiffened as Sakura stopped breathing and her eyes shot even bigger than before. Something flashed across her face, something shy and scared. Kairi kissed her cheek, then the other, feeling her small form relax into his embrace. Her eyes were still worried though, so he asked softly not to spook her:

-          Do you… not want to?

It couldn’t be it, right? She tried to seduce him before, for God’s sake! But maybe… maybe it wasn’t the night? What if it wasn’t that ‘right time’ girls like her romanticized so much in their virgin dreams about Prince Charming? Or was it him… not being Prince Charming enough?

Nanase swallowed hard and Tendo’s heart stilled anticipating her answer:

-          I don’t want to, - Sakura bowed her head, averting his gaze and Tendo felt his blood stopping in his veins, - …disappoint you.

Tidal wave of relief almost knocked Kairi over and all the tension that was holding him in place escaped with a groan. He grabbed Sakura by the shoulders and shook her a bit, making her look at him again. It was still there, the fear he saw in her eyes! But his shy virgin girlfriend wasn’t scared of him or being with him this way – she was scared of herself! Of her inexperience… and her disappointing him.

To be honest, Tendo never engaged with younger women before specifically for this reason – he didn’t want the responsibility of being ‘the first one’ because of all the expectations and all the awkwardness attached. But with Nanase… his fragile and strong sakura flower… he cherished the honor of being the first one! And passionately hoped for the privilege of being ‘the only one ever’ in the future to come! To have her give herself only to him, to find his home inside her body and soul, to have and to hold… his Nanase, only his, his first and only Nanase!

Containing so much desire and love was getting too much for Kairi and he began to tremble. He closed his eyes, listening to blood thundering and beating like a drum in his head – his body’s demand to do something, ANYTHING, before he combusted!

Only then he looked at Sakura, realizing he still hasn’t said anything to her confession. She was biting her lower lip and glancing back and forth between him and the floor, waiting for some sort of judgement on her adequacy. ‘Am I not… sexy enough?’, his memory supplied. Why?! Why, oh, why would she ever doubt it? Did she not feel his body burning underneath her? Did she not hear his blood singing under her fingertips? Did she not see the hunger in his eyes, the primal need to devour here and now?

No, she didn’t. On the back of his mind, Tendo registered a snarky remark that experienced nurse was supposed to know the tell-tale signs of male arousal – especially, since he was showing all of them at once – but the bigger and smarter part of his brain shushed the demon away and supplied the answer – she really didn’t know! She wasn’t his nurse right now – Nanase was his girlfriend, young inexperienced woman he loved so much and wanted so badly his bones hurt! It would take some time for her – and some considerable effort from him – to show her just how sexy she was to him and how there was absolutely no way she could displease him in any way!

Tendo said, his voice hoarse and strangled:

-          Sakura… my, my Sakura! You can never, ever disappoint me!

-          But… um… sensei…

Tendo pressed a finger to her lips, momentarily transfixed with sensing her wet mouth under his touch. He rushed into the kiss, possessing her with unreserved passion, swallowing her surprised moan. Nanase swayed – not away from him but into him – and circled his neck, locking them into the frenzied kiss for as long as they could survive without air. Her lips parted in sigh and Kairi took the opportunity to taste her, to caress her tongue with his, inviting Sakura to respond. Her first movement was unsure, even lost… but Sakura was nothing if not persistent and eager to learn! She took her cues from Tendo’s labored breathing, groans rumbling deep in his chest – and soon she’d danced the dance too, meeting Kairi half-way, touch for touch and kiss for kiss!

Tendo broke away first, heaving like crazy and willing himself to release her hair – he must’ve left bruises on her sculp with how tightly he held her. But then again, she didn’t complain… Would she complain if he caused her pain?

Tendo shook his head to chase away this ugly thought and looked at Nanase. Evening settled around them and her face was only lit by the dim light of a nightstand lamp. Even so, Tendo could see that Sakura was bright shade of red and trying to blow some cool air down her chest without him noticing. Oh, he noticed! And no matter how proud Kairi was to bring her to this state over a short period of time, he was not about to cause his girlfriend a heat stroke on their first night together!

Kairi proposed tenderly, almost shyly, tugging on the hem of her sweater:

-          May I? Take this off, I mean…

He felt like he needed to add this little explanation as Nanase may think a whole range of things including him asking her to borrow the sweater. Tendo chose to be very specific about wanting to undress the woman in front of him and waited patiently for her to respond, still tagging on the sweater.

Nanase closed her eyes for a moment, her shoulders bunching in defensively… but when she’d opened them again, Tendo saw her determination to brace the challenge, as she nodded and raised her hands above her head. Kairi chuckled silently – his little hero was getting ready to be judged by him on the merits of her body and it probably took a lot to go for it like this – and he was more than ready to unwrap the gift he waited for since forever.

His hands dove under fabric to touch the warm skin. He started from the waistband of her sweatpants, palm tracing up the sides of her body, slowly, very slowly. Kairi tried to commit to memory the look on her face when he caressed her stomach with his thumbs… the way her eyes rolled a bit when he draw lines around the sides of her breasts… how Sakura leaned into him when he was tugging the sweater over her head… and then she was free. And he was doomed.

She was perfect. Sakura, his woman-to-be, was perfect. She wasn’t too thin, so no bones were sticking out anywhere – instead, soft curves of her belly immediately gave Tendo all kinds of biting fantasies and an urgent desire to mark her that way. Then he’d noticed she had a scar – just under the left collarbone – and Kairi made a mental mark to ask Nanase about it later. Her breasts, still clad in sports bra, were not too big and just the right size to fit into his palm – they teased him to check the fit right away with how they were dancing under his unblinking gaze and with Sakura’s nervous breathing. His hand twitched uncontrollably but stilled in the air. There was something he had to do before that… right? What was it?

Tendo looked at his hand suspended between them, looked at Sakura’s waiting face, noticed how she’d pressed her lips together as if trying to keep some words from spilling out – and it dawned on him. He exhaled, putting all the conviction and passion in his body into this answer to her unspoken question:

-          You are so beautiful, Sakura. And you are so sexy, I am… it’s hard to breathe…

His hand came back to his body, clutching the front of his shirt, trying to untie the knot of nerves and anticipation tangled in his chest. He looked back at Sakura, trying to see whether she’d believed him earlier – but she was looking at his chest, her eyes squinted, as if considering something. When Sakura met his gaze again, Kairi raised an eyebrow questioningly – was she really checking for some another symptom regarding his problems with breathing? Now?!

Sakura surprised him by touching her fingers to the top button on his shirt:

-          May I?

The problem with breathing may well kill him seeing how he’d stopped doing that altogether! Nanase… wanted to… undress him! Kairi nodded, both his hands falling to the floor beside him to ground in for the tornado spiraling around.

Sakura unbuttoned his short meticulously, practically, tugging a bit to get to the buttons hidden inside his suit pants. When the shirt finally split in the middle, she touched her right hand to Kairi’s throat, softly tracing the veins, the hollow, down the middle of his chest, circling the bellybutton – until she touched the belt buckle. Sakura followed the same path again, this time with both hands on his body, splaying her fingers wide to touch as much of him as she could. She didn’t go far for when her nails grazed his nipples, Tendo hissed and launched towards her. His vision was blurry, his body taught as a bow string – and his virgin seducer looked at him with almost scientific interest! Tendo licked her mouth and sucked in the lower lip, making Sakura dig her nails into his chest again. She whimpered in protest when Kairi released her but then he’d whispered into her lips:

-          Do it again.

Sakura tried kissing him but Kairi leaned back. She caught him by the neck, and he resisted still. He wanted something of her – and Sakura gave in:

-          Do what again?

Tendo unclenched her arms from around his neck and brought her hands to his chest. He leaned in, his lips brazing her shoulder, his voice low and needy:

-          Nails… again… please…

Instead, Nanase pushed him back so she could look at him and he could look at her. She crooked her head as if thinking something over, her fingers flexing ever so lightly over his flamed-up skin. Sakura bent her head, her lips trembling, and kissed one of the red marks on his chest, making Tendo throw his head up and moan loudly. He forgot all about his previous plea – wet sloppy kisses worked too, yes, please, more!

Sakura kissed him again, and again, and again… Tendo’s fingers grabbed shabby carpet so tight his knuckles became white – he was trying so hard to control himself when all he wanted was to throw her down on the floor and consume her whole, make her fall apart under his body, claim her!

His control was running out and Sakura was not making it easy for him – her touches, her kisses, wet traces she left with careful licks of his skin were leaving invisible marks all over his chest, exquisitely pleasurable marks of her claim over him! Not able to hold off any longer, Tendo let go of the carpet – and was stopped midway by his lover’s uncertain voice:

-          Will you… teach me?

Tendo shook his head to clear it up, looking incredulously at his amazing temptress – was she still doubting her ability to turn him on? He rushed to answer before Nanase took his gesture the wrong way:

-          There’s only one rule to his game, Sakura. I’ll teach you… but you will also teach me, ok?

The look of surprise and confusion would’ve been comical… if Tendo could see past the fact that she was half-naked and in his arms. Nanase asked, focusing on her palm laying on his chest:

-          What can I teach you? I don’t…

Tendo quickly bent his head to snatch the rest of whatever ridiculous statement she was about to make with a kiss. He said just as quickly to stop this line of self-doubt:

-          Teach me about yourself, Nanase. If I do something you like – tell me. If I do something you don’t like – absolutely tell me, immediately! Promise me!

Nanase raised her head and looked at him. Not saying anything. Kairi pressed on:

-          Sakura, please, promise me! I need to learn how to be with you so I can teach you how to be with me… Please…

And then Sakura smiled. And that wasn’t her shy smile, her humorous smile or even her happy smile. It was the one Tendo haven’t seen before… Sakura’s first woman’s smile. Mysterious and knowing and seductive as hell! If only she knew how much power she held over him!

Sakura said with a nod:

-          I promise. And…

-          And?

-          Sensei, all the things we did earlier… I liked.

And that smile again. Kairi wondered if she was using it deliberately already, commanding spasms all over his frenzied body at will. If she knew, she was damn good at it! If she didn’t know – she was a natural!

 Then Sakura did something unpredictable, yanking her bra off in one quick, practiced move and tossing it aside. Tendo bent in half as if from the gut punch and froze, his eyes fixated on her naked breasts perking up at him invitingly. His hands reached out automatically and stopped so close… so close he could feel magnetic pull of her flash on his fingertips, like static charge.

-          May I? – he asked, his voice hopeful, pleading.

Sakura answered simply but with so much weight in her voice, leaning into his touch and closing the short distance:

-          Yes, please…

That touch felt like a shot of strong alcohol, spreading liquid warmth from his fingers directly to his neither regions, making all the throbbing and tension in his pants even more painful and urgent. Tendo grinded his teeth, adamant to not let his primal male brain take over – but it was near impossibility with Sakura’s tender flash so close to him, so willing, so responsive! She arched into his palm, her head thrown back in a deep moan when his fingers squeezed her pebbled nipples and tugged a little. Her hands shot up and Sakura grabbed his shirt collar for leverage, making Kairi loose his balance and drop on top of her, pressing her to the floor. Nanase gasped when their bodies touched, feeling tingling sensation sparkling all over her skin. Tendo detached for just a second to yank off his shirt making Sakura whine at the lost of his intoxicating presence over her body. She reached out to him:

-          Sensei…

Kairi came back, laying between her bent legs, cradling her head with one hand and searching all the soft and sensitive spots he could reach to with the other. He explored with abandonment, lost in his own world built of Sakura’s trembling and crushed whispering. Sometime through the haze of desires, each one more demanding that the other, he’s heard Sakura call out to him:

-          Sensei…

He breathed out:

-          Yes?

-          Sensei… teach me…

She placed her hands over his shoulders and tentatively followed the outline of his back muscles, digging her nails in just a little, the way he liked it before. Tendo bit into her shoulder, buckling into her body and seeing sparks behind tightly shot eyelids. He growled:

-          Sakura… later… I won’t… last.

She stilled underneath him, still holding him tight in her arms. Her felt her lips brush over his chest when Nanase whispered:

-          Then… what? Do I…

-          Trust me.

-          Always.

Her answer was immediate even though he didn’t form it as a question. He would never ask her that for Kairi knew that his little brave angel trusted him unequivocally, beyond any doubt and reason. Still, this admission of her purest love for him made something shift in him, cooling him off in a good way, giving him enough clarity to hold on just a little longer.

Kairi licked over the bite mark on her shoulder, tracing down along her collarbone, kissing her openly and hungrily. Her breasts tasted so sweet, her cherry-stone nipples so sensitive under his tongue and fingers – Tendo drank in her cries, her hopeless pleas for more, and more, and more… The way she’d grabbed his hair and pulled down to bring his lips to her wanting body… The way her hips grinded against his erection making Tendo almost cry with pain and pleasure…

Kairi made his way down her body excruciatingly slow, making sure to taste every piece of it, savor every spasm and every incoherent sound she’d make, every convulsive tug of his hair… When he finally reached the waistband of her sweatpants, Tendo looked up at Nanase – her lips swollen, eyes hooded, her expression dazed. Before he could ask yet another ‘May I?’, Sakura raised her hips and let go of his hair, placing her hands of the floor for balance. Tendo worked her sweatpants together with her underwear off, not taking his eyes off her face, looking for any glimpse of fear or confusion. There weren’t any. Nanase looked at him with trust… and anticipation… and challenge… and that smile again.

Tendo’s nostrils flared. Predator in him, primal male creature, detected new scent, something to be hunted till the end of the Earth. He finally looked down, to the little arrow of dark-brown curls contrasting so fine with her pale skin. Her legs were slightly apart, just enough of an angle to see where this arrow was pointing to… little droplets of moisture glistening in the dim lights of the room. That was the scent. Her scent that was only for him!

Gods, have mercy on him! The need to taste her and drink her up battled with equally strong need to be inside her right now, to get lost in her, to never come back… need to conquer, to own, to mark! Sakura, his Sakura, only his!

Sakura… the saving thought dropped on him like a handful of snow… his needs would wait! Her needs were more important now… they were more important always.

Kairi touched his hand to the dark triangle, enjoying the soft feeling of tight damp curls under his fingers. He pressed with his thumb down in the middle and when Sakura’s hips jerked, Tendo knew he’d found what he was looking her. He circled the little nub of nerves, teasing her with pressure and then almost letting go. Sakura covered her mouth with her palm, trying to muffle screams reverberating through her body – but Kairi took it away, repositioning himself lay to the side of her, hoovering over her face, whispering his words into her trembling lips:

-          Don’t, Nanase. Let me hear you.

Her circled her clitoris again, and again, flicked it – and Sakura moaned into his mouth:

-          Sensei… inside…

With her right hand Nanase yanked him down into feverish, all-consuming kiss, threatening remnants of Kairi’s self-control. Her left hand pressed on the lower part of her belly, trying to squeeze out that nagging feeling of something burning inside of her. The feeling increased with every touch of Tendo’s smart fingers, every circle he made added another rotation on a spring winding deep in her body. That spring was connected to every nerve, every muscle, every thought and every emotion within her, jumbling everything up in a fiery pit between her legs, making her cry out and into him.

Kairi knew the feeling. He knew what was missing inside her. That part of him that was missing also knew that, fighting its way out of constricting pants and into her eager body. But for now – Tendo was stronger!

Answering Sakura’s non-verbal pleas, Tendo touched two fingers to her entrance, pushing them inside slowly, knuckle by knuckle. He could’ve started with one, but she was so wet already, so wet! Her walls pulsed around his fingers, while he explored more with pressure, curling his fingers experimentally. At one point, Nanase sucked in her breath and bit her lip – and so Tendo stayed there, pressing on, learning the inside of her body like an instrument. He knew he could’ve done it quicker and more effective with his tongue between her legs, but that would robe him of a sight – and Sakura was a sight to behold! Tendo wanted – ney, he needed – to remember her right now, the first ever time he brought her pleasure, the beginning of her journey as a woman. His woman! Sakura’s eyes were open, but he didn’t think she saw anything… She’d stop breathing and start again with a throaty inhale… her lips moved but sometimes he couldn’t hear a sound… and sometimes only her sounds existed – her ‘ahhh’ and ‘yeeeees’ and ‘pleeease’ and ‘more’… Kairi’s favorite was ‘more’. She trembled and thrashed in his half-embrace… and then she’d stilled in half-raised arch… The spring reached its limit and unwinded with thunder rocking her body, replacing every cell of her body with a speck of light! And the feeling was so foreign yet so natural, it broke her in pieces and healed her, leaving her with numbing buzz! She suddenly felt so tired… so spent… yet she still wanted more!

The sound from above made Nanase open her eyes – Tendo looked at her victorious… and smug… and he was sucking on his fingers… and then Sakura remembered where those fingers were just now. She squeezed her eyes shot and slammed her thighs together – and heard Kairi chuckle:

-          Too late, baka… I already know what you taste like!

Sakura shook her head vigorously denying this thought from entering her mind – this was too scandalous to think of! Too intimate… too hot… she wanted it too much! And Tendo was too good at giving her ideas:

-          Next time you invite me to the ‘cream party’, we’re skipping directly to desert…

Nanase moaned, feeling heat pulling in her abdomen again, collecting traces of pleasure lingering in her body. She opened her eyes bravely and caressed his chest, tracing the outlines of his abs down to the ridge of his pants. Kairi tensed at the touched and hissed at his lover:

-          Sakura, wait…

-          Why, sensei?

-          Because… um… Oh, for fuck’s sake!

He sat up, dropping her hands off his body and groaned in frustration, yanking his hair with both hands. Nanase set up too, covering her breast shyly with one hand and reaching out to him hesitantly:

-          What is it, sensei? Did I do something…?

Tendo didn’t let her finish and take blame for his own stupidity – he caught her hand, opened it and planted a kiss to her palm, cradling his face in it. Nanase felt he was burning up, tremors shaking his body in waves – yet he tried breathing deeply to calm down. Why?

-          Sensei?

Barely audibly he said, apologetically:

-          I didn’t take any condoms… it was just a Jenga game… And Ryuko is home, I can’t go there like this…

By the end of it Kairi was almost crying, letting go of fantasies of her body around him. Until she took his face in both her palms and raised it to look at him:

-          Sensei, we’re both healthy, we’d just had our medical checkups and…

-          Nanase, it’s not only for…

-          … and I’m on a pill.

Tendo gulped, his eyes widening with found possibilities. Nanase took it as a question and rushed to explain:

-          It’s the hormonal treatment for…

-          I don’t care, - Tendo fell onto her, knocking her to the floor and swallowing the rest of her explanation with a deep searing kiss.

He did care. Kairi made a mental note to check on her medical condition later, consult with doctor Akai, their hospital’s top gynecologist, on whether it was the best treatment plan for whatever ailed her… but not now… now he was unimaginably grateful for this stroke of luck because it meant he didn’t have to stop now.

Kissing her felt different now. Now Tendo knew what she tasted like and could feel the notes of her intimate taste all over her skin. The scent of her arousal, tangy and spicy, tickled his nostrils, making his head spin as if he was drunk. He was drunk, actually – drunk on her naked body, splayed so openly beneath him, drunk on her hands drawing patterns on his skin, drunk on her touch when Nanase reached out and took hold of his belt buckle…

-          May I? – she whispered, mirroring his words from before.

Tendo buried his face in the crook of her neck, inhaling deeply and trying to calm the frenzy ranging in his chest. Was he ready for this? For her hands so close to where he wanted them the most? Would he be able to take it?

Having decide to test himself, Kairi stood up, taking Sakura by the hand to help her rise up. Sakura kneeled before him, sitting back on her heels, her hand reaching out to his belt again. Tendo nodded.

Sakura unbuckled the clasp, slightly surprised how smooth her movements were, as if she wasn’t shaking head to toe from the anticipation of what she was about to uncovered. Maybe, it was her medical training – she did undress people before, many times – or maybe she was already in the eye of the hurricane, where everything was deceptively calm and only whistling sound in her ears reminded her that she is about to be snatched off the ground into dangerous whirlwind of their combined passion. Shaking her head to focus on the task at hand, Sakura repeated Tendo’s approach from before, easing both his pants and underwear off his hips and letting them drop, pooling around his ankles. Kairi stepped out slowly and shoved the clothes aside – and stilled again. Sakura followed that movement and then raised her eyes up, slowly, admiring her sculpted calves, thighs and then…

Sakura saw naked men before; she was a nurse after all. But not anyone who was beautiful… and so visibly wanting. His male member throbbed and jumped a bit under her gaze, vain bulging alongside its very impressive length. Nanase suddenly felt her mouth watering just thinking of what it would taste like… if she were only to taste a little… just a tip…

Tendo’s hands, clenched in tight fists, were glued to his sides, stopping him from touching her. He waited for Sakura’s inspection to be over, giving her time to get used to him like this. But when he saw Nanase licking her lips, reaching out to him, to that part of him – he intersected her hand immediately! Sakura looked at him questioningly, her voice sounding from afar, as if she was lost in some hypnotic trance:

-          Why? I thought it was my turn…

Kairi saw a white light furiously flashing across his sight and his knees almost buckled. Her touch – he wanted it so much! But… but…

-          Because I would die, Nanase. I’ll explode…

She bit her lip, not sure what to do next. Tendo leaned in and raised Sakura by the waist, making her sit on the bed. Crouching before her, he kissed her lips, her arms, taking more time to thoroughly lavish her breasts in licks and kisses and bites – until her body relaxed from the disappointment of his refusal and she leaned back inviting him to continue. Tendo said softly, in between covering her skin with imprints of his mouths:

-          This time… I will… love you. Next time… you can… if you want to… love me.

Sakura didn’t quite understand that suggestion but was willing to go with whatever – as long as it meant this tension inside her kept rising as it did now… and long as his body was melting into hers like it did now… as long as his kisses were getting closer and closer to…

-          Agh… sensei… unnnn… what… aaaah… are…

-          Shh, Nanase… all of you… is mine.

Her taste was stronger than before, more vivid – it was burning him with white fire, bringing him pleasure he didn’t know was possible on the giving end of this play. Her fingers, lost in the trusses of his hair again, flexed in unison with her body movements, instinctive waves of her hips to press into his mouth. Tendo hummed and the vibrations translated into Sakura’s scream, broken and commanding:

-          More!

And this time, he had more! Kairi gave her one more wide lick and then covered her body, pressing Sakura into bed. Her legs circled his hips, aligning them perfectly, and they both felt when his hardness found an entrance to her wet softness. Tendo slowed down to a glacial pace, savoring the feeling of her body enveloping him, tugging him in, inviting… until he reached that resistance barrier, natural protective layer of her virginity. He tried warning her:

-          Nanase…

She nodded immediately and raised her hips as much as she could being weighted down by his body:

-          Come.

-          Nanase… it will…

-          I know.

-          Nanase… I can…

-          Kairi… come!

He wanted to say he could wait a little longer, letting her adjust to him. But hearing Sakura say his name, for the first time… exhaling it with so much love and tenderness… undid him. Tendo fell into her… her deep, waiting, accepting body, her warmth and passion… her whole self. His Sakura, his.

She jerked and he heard her whine. Something hot and wet touched his cheek, Tendo tuned and caught a glimpse of a single tear rolling down the side of her face before she looked away. Guilt took a squeezing hold of his heart for he has hurt the woman he loved, though it could’ve not been avoided. He pleaded, showering her face, her hair, her neck with kisses:

-          Nanase, my precious one, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… please, forgive me, please…

Tendo felt her arms enveloping him in embrace and rubbing soothing circles on his back – Sakura was consoling him! She smiled at him and he could almost believe that smile, if it wasn’t for the tension in her jaw from biting back the pain. Sakura said in overly calm tone:

-          Shh, sensei, I’m alright… it just… stings. I will be alright…

-          What can I do?

-          Move.

He was ready to be still for the rest of his life even if it killed him – so Tendo wasn’t expecting her command to move! He checked:

-          But wouldn’t it..?

-          It would… but it stings either way… and before… I liked it when you moved.

He needed no more invitations and permissions than that – instinct took over and lead him into rhythm, as old as time itself, picking up the pace when he felt Sakura respond to his thrusts with her own. At that moment only her body attached him to life, only she held the power to turn all of his pent-up frustration into pure blinding energy that drove him further, deeper, faster! He marched to the drum of pulse beating in his temples and to the sound of her cries, chanting his name with every breath… everything was there in his name falling off her lips – the urgency, the love, the explanation, the miracle… ‘Kairi… Kairi… Kairi… Kai... Kai... nnnnnn... Kai... ahhh... Kai... ohhhh... Kai... reeeee...'. And then he felt her tighten around him, her mouth falling open in a silent scream. So tight, so, so tight! Pulsing, wet, gliding, velvet… He should’ve stopped, should’ve waited – but then she commander again in the sweetest of commands:

-          Kairi… come.

One dive… another one… he heard her teeth rattle… another one… her nails dug into his asscheeks urging him to thrust impossibly deeper… one more, hard…  her bed shaking dangerously under his rush… and another, and another… And lightning struck through his spine! ..and the world seized to exist, and only blazing hot stream of energy rushed through his body, collecting everything he was to give to her! To press it into her, again and again, so he could stay in her forever, and be lifeless and alive in the same time! And be hers!

-          I love you, Sakura Nanase! I adore you, I worship you, I live and breathe you! Thank you… Oh, Nanase, thank you so much!

Her response was of a warm hug and a kiss to his chest. Few moments later her grip loosened and Tendo heard her breathing softly, evenly – his newly-made woman fell asleep. He carefully stood up, brought a warm wet cloth from the bathroom and cleaned them both up. Sakura didn’t even stir when Kairi freed the covers and blanket from underneath her. He chuckled softly at his sleeping beauty and joined her in that tiny bed of hers where two people would have to snuggle really tight not to fall off at night. Tendo was fine with that – he wasn’t planning to let her go anyways. Ever.

***   ***   ***

Tendo turned the corner and stopped, leaning against the wall. He closed his eyes, fighting off tangles of headache creeping up his skull. Today wasn’t that difficult from the work perspective, per se, his patients were going well all things considered, two new came in and preparation for scheduled surgeries was on the way. But something… something was just off.

He knew that the reason was Nanase. The fact that he’d upset her this morning and she’d ran away before he could apologize… The fact that she’d sent in his lunch with a sweet and cheerful note, but didn’t want to come personally… Kairi was obsessed with seeing her again to the point that he hallucinated her walking on the other end of the corridor – but when he ran up to the spot, she’d disappeared in the thin air, like mirage.

He hasn’t seen her in five days. Nurse Sakai got sick and Nanase agreed to change her shifts for night ones to help out. So, the only time they saw each other was during morning and evening check-ins, in the hospital, with other staff present.

Kairi missed her so much! Missed holding her small frame through the night, missed the smell of her hair, the brightness of her smile… His wife’s silly songs she’d made off recipes and were singing during cooking… Color pencils scattered on the floor and handmade brochures she prepared for her patients with post-surgery care routines lying around the apartment… Kairi missed her curious button nose that would get into anything he was reading and then Nanase would ask him a million distracting questions... but he also missed her attentive and proud eyes when she was listening to his responses. He missed her one-of-a-kind mind, her forgiving soul, her optimistic heart… his wife, Tendo Nanase.

And he’d also missed her body. The slopes and ridges, the depth of it, the taste, the scent… Just thinking of it made his body tense and his pants become uncomfortably tight. It’s only been five days… and they’d been married for five months… but there was no saturation with her, no ‘enough’, no ‘slowing down’ or ‘marriage routine’. Every day with her was a new handwritten page of happiness, every night was a study of passion and abandon. Kairi was addicted to his wife, and blissfully so. If was as if she was a hormone that his body wasn’t producing and was lacking all his life even without knowing. And then Nanase broke in, forcefully, with stubborn conviction – and his life finally tilted towards the happiness. She reminded him how to laugh, helped him to find his own heart and challenged a man in him. The challenge was to love Nanase so much that her first man would always be her only man – and she wouldn’t miss out on anything! And Kairi missed the challenge for five days now! In a row!

The first night when he came home, on Monday, Kairi realized Nanase wasn’t sleeping in their bed but rather on the couch. He called her up to ask for a reason… and his wife told him the bed was too big for her without him… and couch cushions smelled like him… because this is where he read. Kairi bit his lip and moaned silently, feeling his groin getting heavier and hotter. Later, he slept in their bed because sheets smelled of her, of her tangled dark hair that covered his face like a canopy when she rode him the night before, of her screams and bites, her uninhibited desire for him…

But now… he was losing her scent in their apartment… the sheets were too cold.

And tonight was her last night shift. Tomorrow was a weekend for both of them. Nanase will come home and he will wake up to the sound of her cooking or singing or both. And he will hold her in his arms and inhale her and everything will be all right again. Kairi just needed to survive till then.

***   ***   ***

Kairi looked at his watch – 5 pm. Two hours till the end of his shift, one hour till Nanase comes in for evening check-in, fourteen hours till she comes back home after her shift. He could make it because he would get to see her in an hour… just one hour.

Or not... Reacting to the screams and gurgling sounds in the nearby room, Tendo rushed in to find Nanase struggling to contain a male patient trashing on the bed. Two nurses quickly ran in past him, one adjusted patient’s IV drip, other injected something into his shoulder – and things quieted really quickly. Nanase let go of patient’s arms and turned to the chief nurse, not noticing Tendo standing behind her:

-          I’m so sorry, I don’t know what happened! I was giving him his dinner and…

The fact that she was feeding the patient was very evident seeing how Nanase was covered in pieces of vegetables and stains of fruit tea that were served for dinner today. Chief nurse rushed to calm Nanase down, side-eyeing Tendo suspiciously because he still hasn’t announced his presence to his wife:

-          It’s ok, Nanase-chan, it’s not your fault, his anti-seizure meds weren’t adjusted yet, we’re waiting for Doctor Kisugi to come in later and do that. You should go and clean up before your shift starts. Why did you come so early anyways?

Nanase looked at the floor shyly and said:

-          It’s a… personal matter. I thought I’d help with dinner first and then go find Tendo-sensei and…

That’s when Kairi took his que and grabbed his wife by the forearm, tugging her towards him. Nanase looked up and shy delight crossed her face, leaving unmistakable blush behind. She bowed to him demurely:

-          Tendo-sensei, I’ll be at the evening check-in as soon as…

-          You have broccoli in your hair…

-          Yes, I’ll go take a shower and be back when…

-          I’ll take care of it. Come.

Tendo dragged his wife away from two nurses, smirking at him with knowing smiles. Nanase tried arguing, while almost running behind him to keep up with the pace:

-          Tendo-sensei, we have shower next to the nurses’ station, I can be back very quickly, I don’t want to impose on doctors’ premises.

-          That’s not where we’re going…

Nanase looked at him incredulously but Tendo paid no attention to her surprise while continuing to their destination, using the most inconspicuous of paths to avoid meeting more colleagues and more questions. As they walked, Nanase started to recognize the halls of this secluded and posh wing – and her suspicions were confirmed when Tendo opened and closed behind her a door to one of VIP suites. Nanase spooked and tried to rush out of the door:

-          Sensei, we can’t use VIP suites for showers! Mariko-san will not allow it! Nurses are sent to this wing only by assignment!

Tendo caught her by the shoulders and pressed her against the door. Nanase looked up, her mouth open to protest more – and all her protests drowned in the deep, hungry kiss her husband landed on her. Humming noise in the back of his throat vibrated through her body, making her weak in the knees – and if she weren’t being held up against the door by his strong hands, Nanase would probably have dropped. Something in her mind that was responsible for manners and propriety switched off, giving way to the wave of familiar anticipation. She moaned into his mouth, biting his lower lip a little and hearing him respond with sharp inhale. With visible difficulty, Tendo tore himself off his wife and rested his forehead on the door above her shoulder. He said, short of breath:

-          You aren’t here as a nurse… it’s still one hour till your shift… you’re here as my wife… and I have a privilege to come here whenever I wish to.

Nanase peeped from around his back and looked around the room. Tendo stepped away to give her a better overview, while trying to do some calming breathing exercises himself – while Nanase was technically not at work yet, he was and he needed to go back to his patients soon enough, before Koichi-kun comes in to change him.

Nanase walked around the room and noticed all the things that made this room different from lavish suites for VIP patients. First of all, it wasn’t all that lavish – furniture was much simpler than she’d remembered, fewer decorations, much smaller TV set and no vases with live flowers. The bed wasn’t one of the standard motorized hospital beds but rather simple-frame queen-size bed with few extra cushions. Overall, the room looked like a mix of a hotel room and an office, the office part represented by a big desk near a window which was obviously used by doctors since it was covered in piles of folders and X-ray files.

Nanase asked:

-          What is this room? Some… doctors’ lounge?

Tendo chuckled:

-          Not exactly, no. When this wing was refurbished for VIP suites, this room was deemed too small for the high standards of VIP patients, so hospital’s management decided to keep it for the doctors in charge. Today that’s me. We use it occasionally to work, research, take a shower or sleep, if time allows.

Nanase looked around and noticed the door that led to the bathroom. She suddenly remembered how silly she must look with patient’s dinner displayed all over her and started towards the door – and then stopped. Her eyes darted between bathroom and exit door and back. Tendo asked:

-          What? You don’t have to worry, nobody would walk in, it can only be open with our badges. There’s also a latch on the bathroom door, if you want to use it…

-          That’s not it… My spare uniform is in my locker, I need to go take it.

Tendo nodded but stopped Nanase when she tried to walk out:

-          You go take your shower, I’ll bring your things and get back to my patients. There is shower gel and shampoo on the stall, towels are in the cupboard by the door. I’ll be back soon!

And with that Kairi landed a quick chaste kiss on his wife’s forehead and left the room, covering the distance in wide strides to come back faster. Nanase sighted with a tinge of disappointment – she was hoping for more time with her husband when she came to work earlier, but, alas, her unfortunate incident derailed her plans. She made a quick work of undressing, folding her uniform neatly and going into bathroom. The shower stall was a standard edition for medical facilities, with sturdy railings on two levels and spray nuzzles from top to bottom for stimulating massage, if needed. And while Nanase wouldn’t mind a massage this time to relieve her of coiling tension inside, she didn’t want to overstep the hospitality of this secret lounge. Her shower would be quick and efficient!

Meanwhile, Tendo thought along the same lines – that his wife will be in and out in a split second – so he rushed to get her things before she had to come out of the shower… draped in a towel only… warm and wet… focus, Kairi!

Easier said than done! Images rushed through his mind, offering all the ways he could help her shower, to make sure that all her hidden spots were well taken care of and…

-          Tendo-kun! Just the man I was looking for!

Kairi turned around and stumbled upon seeing Koichi’s smiling face, while his fellow doctor approached to greet him. Tendo responded automatically, still trying to focus his gaze and shake off the effects of feverish daydreaming. He looked at his watch and said:

-          I need to take Nanase’s spare uniform and then I’d be back to brief you about…

-          Yeah, I know, Kaori-san valve repair prep and Nakoishi-san pacer implant surgery. Mariko-san already gave me all the charts, I’m fully up to speed! So, unless there’s something else you want to tell me… you’re off duty as of now!

And he winked at Kairi. He winked at him! Tendo frowned and stepped back, as if from a blow… Was he THAT obvious? Did the entire hospital know that he was a horny idiot obsessed with his wife? Was there a conspiracy to get him laid?!

He was supposed to be offended at that prospect, outraged even! But at that moment, all he could hear was ‘it’s still an hour till her shift starts… and she’s still in the shower… shower…’.

Tendo nodded, rushed to grab Nanase’s clothes and flat our ran back to the VIP wing at full speed. He thought he’d heard a choir of chuckles and quiet laughs from nurses’ station – but he couldn’t care less! His image be damned – he was, after all, horny idiot obsessed with his wife!

***   ***   ***

Nanase was absolutely planning to get out of the shower any minute now… but the hot water was so soothing and energizing in the same time, massaging her stiff shoulders with high-pressure streams. She’d heard her husband come into the room again and cried out to him:

-          Sensei, I’ll be out soon! Please, leave my uniform and get back to your patients! I’ll be fine here!

She stretched, checking how her muscles relaxed, and rinsed her hair once again. Nanase turned her head to face the water, her eyes closed and her lips smiling – she just loved hot showers very much. She’d found the faucet by touch and before she could turn it off, a strong hand stopped her, other circled her waist and pressed her to the obviously naked male body and a familiar voice whispered to her ear:

-          Don’t. I need a shower too.

Her rational mind reminded her about time, schedules, something-something… But her female body swayed into him, feeling him grinding back into her. Tendo let go of her hand and caught one of her nipples between his fingers, tuning it up to the sensitive aroused state. His whisper came between bites of her neck and shoulder:

-          You know, personal hygiene is a very serious matter in medical profession. I do need to make sure that you are clean here… - he followed the outline of her breast, then the other, - … here… - his hand trailed back down, his nails sliding across her wet skin, - and here too…  - Tendo’s fingers split the hair in the apex of her thighs and slipped in, circling, teasing.

Nanase grabbed the railing in front of her with one hand and Tando’s wet hair above her with another and held on for the sensual assault. Her lover knew what he was doing – his exceptional mind, when focused on her body, was inventive, generous and wicked! Nanase felt dizzy and inflamed and this time it had nothing to do with a fog of hot air around her and water running down her body. One last rational thought escaped almost involuntary:

-          Your shift…

He buckled into her, making Nanase lose balance and stumble forward, almost hitting the metal railing she was holding. Kairi held her back, using the hand that was buried knuckles deep into her body to anchor her back to him. Nanase cried out and he repeated the motion again, and again. When he hissed his answer into her hair, Nanase was too far gone past remembering her question at all:

-          Another doctor already took over. We have time…

Something flashed inside Nanase, an understanding, a memory… There was something she liked doing when they had time. A reckoning…

Nanase took all of her will power – and physical strength – to push herself off the glass wall in front of her. She unclutched Tendo’s hands holding her in place, whining momentarily on the loss of the fullness and heat his fingers provided. Nanase turned around and faced him, her gorgeous demi-god husband, built of steel and velvet… and desire. She pushed back, and back – until Tendo stopped at the opposite glass wall, awkwardly placing his elbows on the upper railing. He looked at her surprised, but aroused and willing to go wherever this was leading to. Nanase smiled – her special smile that meant so many things now – and told him, touching her fingers to his upper arms:

-          Hold on. Don’t let go.

He nodded automatically thinking of what she may be planning – and then there was no thinking possible! Nanase’s lips landed everywhere on his skin, licking off droplets of water, biting across sensitive spots, soothing bite marks with wide strokes of her tongue… Her hands caressed his body, explored with soft touches, marked with red lines, loved him, worshiped… When Nanase went down on her knees, Tendo groaned and threw his head up, feeling heat wash over him from inside… and when she took him into her mouth and sucked in the whole length of his shaft… Tendo saw stars! Her wet lips, the perfect pressure, just the right rhythm… his body was no longer his, coiling numbness was taking over, turning off circuits in his body and his brain… He missed her so much!

With the last tendrils of sanity escaping him, Tendo begged:

-          Nanase, please…

She released him with a plop and asked, kissing his thigh and continuing her rhythm with the palm of her hand:

-          Yes, anata?

Kairi bent over and grabbed her by the waist, turning around and hoisting her up on the lower level railing. She circled her legs around him and locked them behind his back, catching Kairi and tugging him close to her body. He kissed her, hungrily, urgently… then begged again:

-          Say it…

-          What, anata? What should I say, Kairi?

And there it was – those special words that drove him crazy! Because he knew how many barriers had to melt in Nanase’s mind for her to call him by the name, to address him as ‘husband’… and he did this to her! She was his – ripe, willing, ready to be taken, ready to take him too!

Invitation was so close… Unmistakable scent that was not washed away by shower but only amplified by the steamed glass compartment… slick wetness where their bodies longed to be connected… her lips and her whimpers on the base of his neck… and her searching hands, digging nails into his asscheeks to bring him home.

-          Kairi, please…

He plunged deep, reaching the core of her female self in one go! Plunging in and out with a force that could easily shutter the tempered glass behind her back – for every night he’d spent without her, for every time his fingers flexed to find her body in the darkness and didn’t, for every time he couldn’t remember her scent… There were many, many times like this and so he worked them all out into her, into her accepting body, her unreserved screams, her ‘more’ and ‘harder’!

It was too much too fast for him! He waited for so long! Numbness took over again, flowing from where their bodies connected to the outsides of his body and beyond. Kairi cried out her name and heard her whisper ‘five’. Four… three… two… one!!! His wife convulsed around him, froze for a moment and then fell apart with a low, almost pained scream! Her body sucked him in… three… two… one!!! And he followed! Ignited nerves exploding, heart jumping out of his chest and everything around him turning into blissful darkness, filled with her satisfied humming and the sound of running water…

***   ***   ***

When his vision cleared, Kairi found himself sitting on the shower floor, his wife still circling his hips, smiling at him mischievously. Nanase kissed his nose and said:

-          Anata… long time no see!

Kairi groaned – his wife would be the death of him! But, on a plus side, he’d die a very happy man! His usual cold-blooded demeanor creeped back into steamy bathroom and he said:

-          Only you would joke like that in this situation! Baka!

Nanase waved him off and stood up carefully, holding the railing not to slip up on the wet floor. She picked up the shower gel and washcloth and handed them to Kairi:

-          Since you here, you can help me wash my back, I couldn’t reach it before…

Her voice was so seductively nonchalant, Tendo chuckled. He loved these short periods right after lovemaking when his wife was still riding the hormone rush and her inhibitions and self-imposed limits didn’t apply. With time, these periods became longer, and his wife was getting bolder with him, going as far as calling him by the name even outside their bedroom! That only happened few times but Kairi was willing to put in whatever effort it took – especially considering he enjoyed the effort itself beyond comprehension! His favorite treatment plan ever!

Kairi helped Nanase wash up and she did the same for him, taking time to be tender and soft with each other, sharing smiles and small kisses. When they came out, Nanase changed into her spare uniform and went to the fridge to fish out some water. She brought him a bottle too and made sure he drank up all of it. While dressing up, Tendo noticed that something changed in his wife’s demeanor – something awkward, uncertain… reserved?

His morning behaviour came to mind and Tendo opened his mouth to apologise – when Nanase dragged him by the sleeve to sit on the couch.

-          Kairi, we need to talk.

He dreaded this talk, but it was necessary. He just hoped that her responsiveness before meant she would forgive him soon.

-          Nanase, about today, I was wrong, I shouldn’t have…

Tendo tried to speak fast, to get as much of his apologies out before his wife’s too-forgiving heart will absolve him of all sins, as she usually did. But that wasn’t what she’d interrupted him with.

-          It’s not about today. I mean, it is, in a way, but it’s not your fault, it’s mine. Well… yours too, but mostly mine.

She nodded and stayed with lowered head, observing her hands clutched together. Tendo sat closer, taking her hands into his and kissing them, knuckle by knuckle.

-          Nanase, I should not have scolded you. I upset you and made you run away from me.

His wife raised her head and looked him in the eyes, her expression perplexed. She looked up, as if remembering something, then back at him with a smile:

-          Ananta, it’s not why I ran away. I just didn’t want you to see me get sick, I didn’t feel well this morning.

-          Sick? Nanase, what’s wrong? How are you feeling? Have you been to the doctor? Should we go now?

-          Shh, I’m fine. Yes, I’ve been to the doctor, today, when I brought you lunch.

So, he did see her in the corridor today, it’s wasn’t a hallucination! But… but…

-          Why didn’t you come see me right after? What did the doctor say?

Nanase smiled again and kissed his fingers wrapped around her hands.

-          I wanted to come, but first there was an appointment with Akai-san, then blood tests, then ultrasound… When I was done, I came here but you were already in the OR so I left to prepare for my shift.

Tendo huffed with irritation:

-          Nanase, the timeline was clearly not the most important part of my question! What did Akai-san say? Is your hormonal treatment not working? What were the blood tests about? What should I know? Say it already!

Nanase chewed on her lower lip and looked away – her tell for immense insecurity – and then took something out of her pocket and handed it over to Kairi.

Kairi unfolded few sheets of paper with hospital header on them – blood test, diagnosis, ultrasound results… On top of it all, attached by the staple, there was a small rectangular picture with classic ultrasound triangle. With shades, and echos… and one unmistakable white dot. Numbers ran in front of his eyes… sizes, estimated gestation period, heartbeat rate… His little white dot has already had a heartbeat!

Papers spilled out to the floor and Tendo didn’t even notice. He looked at his wife with unblinking eyes and whispered hoarsely:

-          Are you… pregnant?

Nanase nodded, her pale face looking so lost and guilty now! She rushed into explanation:

-          I didn’t think it was it, I thought that was just aftereffect from switching to new treatment! Sensei, I know, you didn’t plan for this, I didn’t want to put you in this position…

-          Treatment…

-          Yes, Akai-san said it’s practically impossible that such treatment could result in pregnancy but then…

-          No, Nanase, listen! – Kairi shook her by the shoulders, his voice frantic, - did you cancel the treatment? You were taking it this whole time! Can it harm our baby?!

-          Our… baby?

Nanase looked at him, his worried eyes, his trembling lips – and realization dawned on her! Her smile rose above them like a rainbow, happy, unreserved, eternal! She touched her fingers to his furrowed brow and asked:

-          So… you want it?

Tendo brows furrowed further but this time with different question in mind!

-          Do I want it? Nanase, you loveable idiot! Of course, I want our baby! How could you possibly think anything else?!

-          Well, we haven’t discussed it… and it wasn’t in your plan…

-          What plan, Nanase? There was no plan before you! You are the plan! And whatever comes from you, around you and for you – it is my plan!

He hugged her to his chest tightly and Nanase heard his heart thundering in his chest in unison with quickened breathing. His lips whispered something into her hair, but she couldn’t make out the words. Then Kairi tore her away from him again and ask anxiously:

-          The treatment? Will it harm the baby?

Nanase smiled and bent over to pick up the scattered papers. She found the right one and showed it to her husband:

-          According to this, our baby is a fighter! If treatment did not deter the consumption, then the treatment would have no effect on early gestation, especially, since I stopped it already. The baby is fine, Kairi, all the results are normal for our 6-weeks old sweet pea!

Sweet pea! Their baby had a size and a heartbeat, and it was fine and healthy and growing inside the woman he loved! Kairi hugged her again, sitting her comfortably on his lap, because he wasn’t planning to let her go for a long time, her shift and schedule all but forgotten! He wanted to talk to her… ask her about morning sickness that she was apparently hiding from him… if she had any cravings yet because Kairi wanted her to have them so he could satisfy the littlest of her needs… if she wanted a boy or a girl – but he already knew Nanase would say ‘as long as it’s healthy and happy’… they needed to discuss buying a house because they weren’t raising a family in his old bachelor apartment!.. he wanted to talk baby names…

Kairi wanted to keep them safe and comfortable in the protective shield of his body, to let Nanase know how much he loved and cherished her and their baby – his two 0,0001% impossible miracles! As they set there, him whispering soft words of love into her smiling lips, Tendo saw in her bright eyes how his life was expanding, to encompass him and his wife and all the possibilities and surprises, and all the promises he was about to make, and all the changes he was so looking forward to right now! And all thanks to her, his shining wife, little brave hero who fought her way through his darkness and thorns – to give him acceptance, hope, happiness, and, eventually, life!

And to him there was no doubt that love like this will last forever…

[merakiaes]

See You On The Other Side - John Shelby

Pairing: John Shelby x reader

Requested: No.

Prompts: None. 

Warnings/notes: A bit of angst maybe? Idk hahah. This is something I had lying around in my drafts. I haven’t been able to do any requests today because I’ve been busy with my family, and I’ve also had a migraine sooo yeah, this is the best I can do today xD Not read through, but I hope you like it xx

Wordcount: 1982

Summary: A letter to John. 

I remember the first time I looked into your eyes and felt my entire world flip, the first time I saw you smile, and knew that I was in trouble.

I had been across the room, tangled up in my own imagination, when came up to me. By the time you had said hello, we had already spent a lifetime together, and from the moment we started talking I knew that I wanted you around.

I knew right away that you were it for me. There were no reservations or second thoughts, I saw you and in an instant knew in my bones, my soul had known your soul lifetimes ago.

I had never experienced such a true and genuine state of happiness until I met you. Every day, I woke up with a smile on my lips, wondering what trouble you were going to get us into today.

I was there for all of it, the countless of scoldings from Arthur, the cuffs around the back of our heads from Pol and running from the coppers whenever you thought it wise to steal me a bouquet of flowers from old Anderson’s flower shop.

It’s those memories I treasure the most. The times we would go on midnight walks, kiss under the starry sky or in front of the fire, and wake up in each other’s arms would leave my chest and stomach fluttering with butterflies, too.

But it was when you were up to no good that you were truly yourself. Truly free. If only you knew how much those little moments with you mattered to me, how treasured they are.

It’s two in the morning when I write this. I can’t sleep, because I miss you so much. I miss you so much it physically pains me, just like I did last night, and just like I will tomorrow when I wake up without you. Again.

Polly, your brothers, and the kids help me through it. God, you should see them, John. They’re growing so much, so fast, and they look more and more like you for every day that passes.

Every time I look into their eyes, it both pains me and makes me feel all warm inside. They’ve got your eyes, all of them. Your deep, sparkling Shelby blue eyes. The very same ones I fell for.

They miss you, too, but they’re doing good. Better than me, at least. I guess it’s because they’re not really old enough to know what’s going on.

Katie and Harry understand the situation for what it is, but they’re still too young to really be able to grasp the seriousness of it. And Isabelle, Mia, Eric, Noah and Nick don’t understand it at all.

They don’t understand why you’re not coming home at night, why you’re not there to help them get ready in the mornings.

And even though I know it’s wrong of me to keep them in the dark, I can’t bring myself to tell them the truth when they come home from school every day with notes and drawings for you. It would break their little hearts and I can’t bear the thought of them feeling like this.

Katie and Harry write you letters, to back up my lies and make them more believable for the others, and all of it has just been piling up at the back of the wardrobe, stored away behind your clothes behind the loose wooden panel where you used to hide the cigars you told me you quit countless of times.

I bet you didn’t know I knew about that, huh?

The truth is, I always knew. I could smell it on your clothes and hands every night when you came home, no matter how much you tried to hide it with soap and cologne. That, and Harry came and told me the second he had caught you and you had made him promise not to tell me.

He truly is a mommy’s boy at heart. I always tried telling you.

But Katie was your girl.  Everyone misses you, but she’s taken it the hardest.

I gave her the locket you gave me for our two year anniversary. The one with the picture of you and me on our wedding day. The only time she takes it off is when she sleeps, but even then, she never lets go of it.

She stopped wetting the bed, though, and she’s doing great in school. Harry, Isabelle, Mia, and Eric are, too, and all of them like math the best, just like you did.

Nick just learned how to write his name. He writes the ‘K’ backward, but he still learned earlier than the others. I’ve been teaching him a few short words myself, and I’ve started to teach Finn how to read.

He misses you really much. He blames himself. I don’t know why. He had nothing to do with what happened. But then again, I guess there’s no logic in grief.

He’s grown up a lot, both mentally and physically. He’s taller than all of your brothers now, and he’s added some muscle by boxing. But he’s still the same, sweet boy he was when you left.

He tries to be hard, though. He drinks, smokes, fights, takes drugs, and he’s been seeing prostitutes and taking on a much bigger part in the Peaky Blinders.

God, he tries so hard to be you. But every time he even comes close, he breaks down again, and every time that happens, he comes here.

He’s been staying over at our house more often than he’s home this past year, but I’m not complaining. He helps out around the house, keeps his cousins happy and occupied while I get the things I need to do done, and in return, he gives me something else to think about.

Polly says he feels your presence through me and the kids. She tells me they all do.

They’ve all been coming around for dinner every Sunday, and I have to sit in your chair every time. It makes me dizzy because I feel your presence stronger there than anywhere else. But I have no choice because Noah starts crying if anyone else even comes near it.

Those dinners are the only time during the weeks that I’m able to get my thoughts off of you, but it doesn’t last forever.

The minute they’re gone and the kids are asleep, I’m alone again, and being alone was never this hard before I met you.

Ada’s been trying to set me up with other men, but I can’t even bring myself to imagine giving my heart away to someone else.

I know that, when we thought you were going to be hanged for blowing up the train, you said that you wanted me to move on and be happy when you were gone.

I know that was your last request. Your dying wish. But I just can’t honor it.

When it comes down to it, you’re the only one I want. You’re the only one I can imagine myself with. Your hands are the only hands I want to hold, your lips are the only lips I ever want to kiss. You’re the only one I think about when a love song comes on the radio and the very last thought running through my head before I drift off to sleep. You’re the absolute only person I could ever see myself happy with.

I won’t ever be able to move on from you, because no amount of time, distance, nothing could separate us. Because I know that we were right, that we were real, that you’ll be waiting for me among the stars, and that I’ll come to find you again when I’m ready.

I just want to go back. To the time before it was too late.

There were a million things I wanted to say to you, but goodbye was not one of them. But even a million words will not bring you back, and neither will a million tears. I know because I’ve tried and I’ve cried. God knows I’ve cried.

I think of you every night before I fall asleep. The words you said. The way you looked. The things we laughed about, the silent moments we shared. And when I dream, I dream of you. Because it’s about you, it’s always about you.

I wish I could see you one more time, see you come walking through the door, so that I can say goodbye the way that I wanted. But I know that’s impossible because I realize if I got my way, I’d never say goodbye at all.

Today is the three year anniversary of the day that I lost you. And for a time it felt as though my life had ended too.

But the loss of you has taught me many things and now I face each day with hope and happy memories to help me on my way. And even though I’m full of sadness that you’re no longer by my side, your influence still guides me and I still feel you near.

I found a picture of you that I hadn’t seen in a while yesterday. I held it in my hands, lost for a moment in your smile.

It made me cry, but for the first time, not out of sadness. I cried from happiness because I knew that wherever you are now, I know in my heart that you’re still laughing and smiling like it’s your last day alive.

Rather than grieving that what we once had is now gone, I realize how truly lucky I am to have had something that makes saying goodbye this hard, and I smiled through my tears. A genuine smile, as I thanked God for the memories you’ve given us.

What we shared will never die. It lives within my heart, bringing me strength and comfort while we are apart. And I know that we will one day be together again.

I hope that you can see me, see us, and know that you’ll never be forgotten, that we’ll hold on until the day we get to see you again. Because there’s no one like you, John Shelby, and there will never be another that we can love like we did you.

I love you. It will only ever be you. As long as I live, as long as I breathe, with every beat of my heart, I will be yours and yours only, because you’re my forever. Forever my forever.

Yours truly, (Y/N).

You felt the warm, salty tears sting your eyes as you gazed upon the letters engraved into the gray, smooth stone; seventeen letters that built the name of the man who had changed your life forever.

Your legs were aching from having crouched down for so long, but you couldn’t be bothered to care, the violent thudding of your heart and the flurry of thoughts running through your brain pushing away everything else.

When a careful hand clasped down on your shoulder from behind, you flinched, the light touch bringing you back to reality and forcing you to blink the tears of your eyes.

“It’s time to say goodbye, love.” Polly spoke from behind you in a soft, careful tone, giving your shoulder another squeeze.

You swallowed, giving the stone another long look before finally pushing yourself back up into your full height.

Sniffling, you reached down and shakily put the flowers in front of the stone, tucking the letter you had written only hours before behind them to shield it from the rain.

Straightening yourself up, you shook your head. “No. It’s not goodbye. It’ll never be goodbye. It’s simply a ‘see you later’.” You said and finally smiled, because you knew deep in your heart, that you would see him at the other side of the stars.

[mypassionfortrash]

Quarantine dream: day one.

It’s the Great Quarantine of 2020, and you and Roger find yourselves cooped up together. Will you get on each others’ nerves, or do you love each other enough to weather the storm? Warnings: Mentions of really weird sex stuff (as a joke), strictly 18+ Notes: New fic. It’s a bit on the nose, but if we don’t laugh, we’ll cry! I’m going to try and update this daily. Full disclaimer, it was written quickly and might be very disjointed.

Day one.

The missus is working from home now. We’re essentially going to be housebound for the foreseeable. She’s already forbidden me from revving the Porsche too loudly in the garage, coming into her ‘designated work space’ between the hours of nine and five, and trying to help her with the cooking and cleaning. Apparently I’m ‘getting in the way.’  I’ve been cast out to my ‘man cave’ during the daytime... and god help me if I leave to scavenge for snacks or even a cuppa!

Which one lives, which one dies, we’ll see! I have a feeling only one of us is getting out of here alive.

In other news, John sent me a video of him and Ronnie in Tesco. Trolley piled high with TP. Now I have the overwhelming urge to brave the dreaded Coronavirus and get the shopping in a couple of days early.

I’m clearly going to go mad, aren’t I?

One more hour of work. That’s what you told yourself as you settled back at your makeshift desk in the spare room. One more hour and then you could get the dinner on. 

Working from home was harder than you imagined. Not having the commute was lovely, but only having contact with Roger – as much as you loved him – was enough to drive anyone to the edge of sanity.

And it was only day one.

Hunching over your laptop, you scrolled through the emails that had piled up during your tea break, now wishing you could just have a meeting. Times had changed and you didn’t have time for 800 word emails about your company’s next rebrand.

Soon enough, something out in the garden caught your eye.

Roger emerged from the garage, his white t-shirt spattered in dirt and grime from a day of tinkering with his collection of four-wheeled loves. He moved swiftly, shaking his head as he looked down at his phone.

You heard the back door slam closed and his footsteps trudge upstairs. Silently praying he wasn’t coming to bother you, you counted his footsteps in your head, imagining every door that lined the hall.

“You’re never going to believe this, darling!” Roger called.

Your eyes burst open the second he entered the room.

Roger leaned over you and thrust his phone in your face, so close you could barely see what was on the screen. “Look at John!” He screeched. “Look at him!”

“What am I looking at?”

Roger’s voice kept going up an octave every sentence until it made you wince. “The bastard’s cleared out Tesco! Look at his bloody trolley!”

Huffing and rolling your eyes, you turned around, going nose to nose with him. “How many kids does he have?”

Roger quietened down. “I don’t know,” he shrugged, “a lot?”

“Well, I don’t thi–”

“You’re not telling me that’s their weekly shop though. They’re stockpiling toilet roll! It doesn’t make you shit yourself! I’ve got a good mind to go down to Tesco and–”

“And what?”

Roger’s attitude came in peaks and troughs but now he looked utterly sheepish, sinking on to the edge of the bed and batting his lashes. “Maybe do the shopping a couple of days earlier? If you want.”

You sighed and leaned your head on the back of your chair, allowing your eyes to wander towards his. You couldn’t say no to him – he made it impossible for you. “One more hour of work and I’ll come with you to supervise.”

Roger’s eyes narrowed as a broad smile lifted his features. “Good.”

As Roger rose to his feet, you reached out to grab the hem of his shirt, pulling him into you. Your lips met with an audible sigh and a fleeting kiss. “And for the love of god, jump in the shower and change your clothes.”

“Why?” Roger smirked. “We’re only going out during the apocalypse.”

An hour and a clean shirt later, you and Roger bundled into the Range Rover to embark on the five-minute drive to Tesco, completely unsure of what you’d find when you arrived.

The radio droned on in the background, covering the latest developments from the Prime Minister’s daily press conferences. Roger listened on with disdain as he drove – he never had much time for politics at the best of times – but he still listened intently. The situation was getting serious enough to worry him. 

Boris bumbled through the airwaves but his message was clear: stay home.

“It’s what we should be doing,” you sighed, leaning forward to reach into your handbag.

“What?”

You took out a box of latex gloves. You, being the sensible and prepared one, always made sure you had some in the house. Blowing into one and slipping it on your hand, you mumbled your response. “Staying home.”

“What are those for?” Roger asked, glancing over at you snapping on the other glove.

“We’re being careful. But you can’t guarantee everyone else is.”

Roger’s hand found your thigh and gave it a reassuring squeeze as the car spun around the corner into Tesco’s car park.

Neither of you were sure of what you were expecting. 

Chaos? Crowds? Cars everywhere? 

You and Roger sat in silence as the car thudded to a halt right at the front door. There wasn’t a soul in sight.

“This is creepy,” Roger stated. “Bet we’ll be going in to empty shelves.”

“It’s going to be ok,” you said, jumping out and heading towards the door. “Remember the shopping bags in the boot!”

You could hear Roger groan as he retraced his steps. “This is why I hate going shopping with you,” he grumbled, fumbling through the boot for the almighty Bag of Bags. “We’re rich enough,” he wittered, slamming the boot. “We can get plastic carriers.”

From the corner of your eye, you could see him stomping back to you as you grabbed a trolley. A small one, so Roger wouldn’t succumb to temptation.

“…All because some little Swedish girl’s bloody whining about the planet getting warmer… not a bad thing if you ask me.”

“What are you droning on about?” you asked, grabbing the Bag of Bags from him. You hoped that putting them in the small trolley would lessen the amount of space available to him too.

“Greta’s probably having a fucking field day,” Roger mumbled. “Us using those bloody sacks for the shopping. No cars on the road.”

“It’s not a bad thing. We’ve been in London how many years? And when have we ever been able to get a proper breath until now? I quite like the lack of traffic.”

“Make the most of being able to breathe, darling. Corona’s a bitch, I’ve heard.” 

The sight of the baron wasteland in front of you stopped you in your tracks. No people, no food, just rows and rows of empty shelves. 

“I have a list,” you said meekly, taking a crumpled piece of paper out of your pocket.

Roger laughed. “Good luck with that.” He barged past you, peering over his shoulder. “I’ll take the cleaning stuff, fruit and veg, and toiletries. You check the rest.”

Empty supermarkets were strange places. Flickering lights and empty shelves, the only sound came from the creaking wheels of your trolley as you snaked the aisles for something – anything – from your shopping list. The only items  left were either expensive or things you’d never be able to cobble a meal out of. Bread and pasta were non-existent in this liminal space, as were eggs and flour, so you couldn’t even make those from scratch. All you managed to find were two sorry looking ready meals, a bottle of gin and a tin of chopped tomatoes – none of which were on your optimistic list.

Roger didn’t do much better, either. He seemed to spring out of nowhere with armfuls of Bayliss and Harding soap at a fiver a pop, a two-litre bottle of bleach and one measly aubergine.

“What are we going to do with that?” you asked.

“What, the aubergine?” he smirked, waggling his eyebrows.”That gin might loosen me up enough.”

“Oh, fuck off! When have we eaten aubergine, Roger!”

“Well,” Roger began, grabbing the trolley, “it’s like that nature man from the telly says. Adapt, overcome… and...”

You glared up at him, “and?”

“I don’t even remember.”

“This is dire.”

Having checked out your scant supermarket haul, you and Roger embarked on the drive home, trying to figure out what you could do with the food you had found.

“I’ve always wanted to shove an aubergine up my arse,” Roger huffed.

“Why’d you think I kept these gloves? I’ve seen the weird shit you’ve been watching,” You mused. “Oh! Moussaka! We still have mince!” you squeaked, bobbing up and down in your seat.

“Kill the mood, why don’t you,” Roger laughed. “But yeah, moussaka could work.”

“I think this apocalypse thing might just turn out ok after all.”

[qhostqizmo]

Welcome home

tfw u love your wife so gd much

“Easy, Maestro,” Amon grunted, giving the horse’s reins a tug to slow the beast. The equine tossed their mane and snorted in response; almost a sass. He blew a playful trill past his lips to answer the animal. A whinny here, a prance there, and they rounded the corner of the gate with hooves trotting to a steady stop for the nobleman to toss his leg over and drop off. Honestly, the mount had better comebacks than many of the adversaries he’d fought over the years.

The Illiad heir wore a grin as he tugged his cloak back into place, the wrap of fur on the base sweeping against the ground. Taking the reins once more with a gloved hand, he gave a click of his tongue to encourage Maestro to follow towards the stable. His lungs filled with the air of home; of the woods and damp stone and grass. Flowerbeds in front of the estate were in bloom for the season, waving in the light breeze to display flashes of color. They added a hint of sweetness with their subtle fragrance traveling in the wind.

It was just another ordinary day.

Amon retrieved a few satchels from the saddlebags, and handed off the bridle strap to the first stable lad who came out to greet him. He settled his gaze upon his home; brick-layered with an intimidating dark roof. The window-boxes filled with flora took away from what otherwise would be a dismal appearance, and many of the windows themselves were open to allow the breeze inside. It was warm, the sun was shining, and the curtains were swaying ever so gently as the day entered in the house.

He shouldered his sacks, and headed for the imposing heavy oak doors.

They opened with barely a squeak; recently cleaned and oiled. The nobleman settled his things on the carpet carefully, and went to latch the door behind him.

Three… two… one…

“Welcome home, beloved!”

His heart fluttered. He could count the seconds to her greetings down to the breath. She was always on time; predictably so. Some would call the routine boring, but he could never get enough of it.

Amon turned towards the warmest greeting he’d ever known. Like clockwork, his Lady Essätha beamed at him; bright eyes of sunlight and a dazzling gleam of a smile. She lit him up on the inside as she came running towards him with the glee and giddiness one would expect of newlyweds. Yet years had passed; evidence in the white hairs that stubbornly had begun sprouting through his locks, and her beauty and warmth never stopping taking his breath away and making his heart race.

She flung herself into him and he wheezed; her frame warm and soft against him. She was almost delicate; gently curves on her waist echoing the same sort on her lips. Her arms linked around his neck, and the sorceress clung to him like he was the last man on the planet.

Even on the most brief trips such as this to the market, and this is what he came back to. Every time. He couldn’t have been gone but perhaps an hour at most.

It was still the best welcome home he’d ever had.

Animated himself, Amon gathered his wife up in his arms and squeezed until she began to squeal and laugh. What a wonderful, enchanting sound. Her arms clung to him and held tight as he buried his face into the curls of her black hair, inhaling the aroma of peony and orange blossom caught in her ringlets from her wash soap. Her giggles began to accelerate as he brushed his nose along her her temple and down to her neck, his breathing tickling her skin and sending a flurry of goosebumps down her bare shoulders. The off-the-shoulder top she wore had its advantages; unfortunately its shape hid the true shape of her figure with its ruffles, but her exposed warm brown skin was thrilling.

He kissed a speckling of scales on shoulder, admiring the way she shivered against him.

“I missed you,” Essie chimed sweetly, prying herself away from him. She grinned wildly, and he grinned broadly and helplessly back. Gods, her smile was so radiant he felt weak in the knees.

“I was only gone for a moment,” he teased her.

She puckered out her lower lip. “I still missed you,” the Lady of the manor protested stubbornly.

“I missed you more, darling.”

“You insult me. I came racing to see you m’lord Amon; I would argue that I missed you more.”

The nobleman chuckled, letting go of her waist to cradle her face in his hands. She sighed a dreamy little sigh, and nuzzled herself in his rough hands comfortably. Half-lid butterscotch golden eyes, full lips curled up, patches of scales beneath his fingertips, and waves of dark hair trapped beneath his palms.

He had never seen a more perfect vision, and yet she grew more and more fond and divine in his eyes and heart each and every day.

“I don’t like to argue with you Essie, you know this,” he remarked through a grin, “can we agree that we missed each other equally instead?”

“Let me think on it,” she hummed, sliding her arms from around him to comb through his shaggy mane.

“Think on it?” his echoed, his brow knitting with confusion.

“Yes. I need to think if I should punish you for offending my heart.”

“My dear, my heart, my love, my beautiful Lady Essätha Illiad; whatever can I do to undo the unjust I have caused you?”

She cooed, running her thumb against his pouty lower lip with a smile. “Stop, you know that’s not fair.”

“What is?” he whined, playing ignorant.

“Fine, you are forgiven. Now stop looking so sulky, it hurts my soul to see you so.”

Leaning forward, she kissed the bridge of his nose. She turned to kiss both of his cheeks then, as they rose with the grin that split across his expression and made his face ache. He pulled her urgently closer, his hands tightening by fractions on her features. Essätha gave a short gasp before he kissed her lips.

He kissed her, slow and endearing. His whiskers scraped against her skin. Her mouth was soft; slanting, eager for more.

Amon pulled away before he’d find himself carried away in the moment.

“Thank you for pitying a foolish man.”

“Amon.”

“I meant you no offense, madame Illiad.”

“I can not scold you long; not even teasingly, you doof,” she sighed, kissing the tip of his nose. “I love you too much.”

His gaze softened. “It is the greatest gift I’ve ever been honored with,” he murmured, kissing her brow. “I love you too.”

“Mmm, keep talking mister smooth,” the sorceress sang. She let go of his face, and bent down to retrieve one of his bags. “Here, let me help you with these.”

“Allow me to carry the heavier ones, please,” the nobleman insisted, grabbing the straps of the other bags to sling over his shoulder before she could snag them.

“Afraid my noodly-arms will fall off?”

“No; I just prefer to remember my manners. A gentleman should always be swift to assist a lady.”

“Will you get the door for me into the dining room too then?” she whispered playfully, stroking his sideburns and cradling the side of his face.

Amon leaned into her touch naturally, turning to kiss her wrist. His eyes burned fiercely into hers. “Yes.”

Her expression changed to one bordering sympathy. “You know you don’t have to m’lord.”

“I want to,” he replied with profound honesty.

She tilted her head at him, a half-smile on her lips. Looking into her eyes triggered a memory; how could he be so forgetful? Pulling his cloak aside, he opened up his jerkin to pull out the maximilian sunflower he had carefully tucked into his coat pocket. The yellow flower’s petals were a bit crushed and bruised from the previous hug, but was still intact.

Carefully, the nobleman tucked the steam through her mess of ebony hair and around the curve of her ear.

Eyelashes fluttering, she turned a shy glance back up towards him, a romantic glow of pink burning its way across her cheeks. His insides felt like they melted into a puddle.

Sliding his pointer finger beneath her chin, he tilted her head back to brush his lips against hers once more. She trembled beneath the whisper of contact, her mouth falling open and her eyes slowly drifting close.

He could deny himself no more, and her even less. Tilting his head to mirror hers, he stole her breath as she so often did his. They arose from that kiss both wide-eyed and panting for oxygen.

“Wow,” Essie breathed, patting his chest. The way her eyes traveled over him; the way her teeth sank into her lower lip, instantly made his blood run hot.

Clearing his throat, Amon stepped to her side to wrap an arm around her waist. “Shall we, Mrs. Illiad?”

Her rosy blush was more red than pink now, and had spread down her throat as she swallowed. Essätha leaned into him, trusting her weight against his side. “Only after we’ve put produce away,” she answered mysteriously, stroking a hand beneath his chin.

His eyes turned into mere slits of cat-like pleasure. Her touch was heaven, and he found himself unable to take his eyes off her. Naturally, she was the beacon of light that guided him home.

His heartbeat quickened as her gaze dropped over him down to his trousers, and she raised an eyebrow with a cheeky smile. Well, he hadn’t exactly made the effort to hide his reaction to their kiss.

Essätha rested her cheek against the mantle upon his shoulder and sighed, nuzzling herself there as they took a stroll through the manor, heading for the dining hall.

And he still couldn’t stop looking down at her. An ache in his chest that there were no words to explain. He loved her. He loved her so much, his very being sought her. He was pulled to her like gravity. His longing to see her; to touch her, to hold her was more boundless than the sky was endless.

He tilted his head slowly to rest atop hers, breathing in the perfume lingering in her hair again.

There was nothing ordinary about today, or yesterday, or tomorrow. Nothing every felt mundane or plain or simple. So long as Essätha Meduza Illiad was with him, every day was as outstanding and captivating as she was, and he was going to soak in every second of it.

Essie let out a squeak, jumping as his hand traveled to innocent grope from her lower back to her rear.

And he certainly couldn’t wait to immerse himself in today’s adventures with her.

[cxmetery-gates]

SURREPTITIOUS - DRACO MALFOY

CHAPTER TWO: ON THE HOGWARTS EXPRESS

SUMMARY: Leslie catches up with friends on the Hogwarts Express, however a simple reminder ruins everything. WORD COUNT: 2.9k NOTES: I should be studying for midterms, yet here we are. Thank you for reading, lovelies! WARNINGS: mentions of death, panic attack

MASTERLIST

"YOU HEAR ABOUT OLLIVANDER?" AHEAD of Leslie, a boy who still has not grown through his teenage hormones asks, holding a potted plant against his hip. "It's mad. If Gran and I had waited one more day to get a new wand, who knows if I'd still be here."

Neville Longbottom met Leslie last year when Hogwarts fell under the rule of the ghastly Dolores Umbridge, the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister of Magic. When rumors that Lord Voldemort was back began stirring, the Minister of Magic sent her to "monitor" the school's Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. It was bollocks, really, as the old wizard was hardly around at all, which ultimately led to the formation of Dumbledore's Army, a group of students who would meet up in secret to learn real defenses against dark magic. Through lessons and teamwork, Leslie and Neville eventually became friends, the two becoming close over the course of the summer.

While secret teenage rebellion is a fun activity to bring people close, death, on the other hand, brings people close in a different way.

Leslie shifts uncomfortably as they continue to search for a compartment. At the mention of a lost soul, the girl quickly looks through what Neville was thinking, not necessarily needing to but the compelling need was always there. "Yeah. It's terrible. I couldn't stomach going to Diagon Alley. Luckily, my father was already paranoid, decided he would take care of my school materials." Pausing, the girl remembers how scared her father had been for the safety of Leslie, even paying Madam Malkin to come to their home to size Leslie for new school robes. "It's mad out there."

The boy's head slightly shakes, eyes now peeking around behind Leslie to a blonde girl with almost white hair and odd spectacles resting on her nose. "The Quibbler had a good piece, you know."

The blonde looks over the edge of her newspaper, blue eyes meeting two other pairs. Despite being a year younger, Luna Lovegood's quirky and flat-out weird mannerisms paved a way for friendship between two other oddballs. "I'll tell Dad," she responds, her voice is airy and soft, reminding Leslie of a cloud. "Did you see what he wrote about Vidya?" Luna asks Leslie, her voice quieter.

From ahead, Leslie nearly jumps from Neville's thoughts, pictures of him spinning and telling Luna to "shut up about it" flowing through her mind. Of course, Neville would never be the aggressive type so there was no fear of a scene, but the reminder of a friend tagged to the concept that no one should talk to Leslie about "it" created a pit in the witch's stomach.

"Y-Yeah, I did." Leslie remembers when her father mentioned Xenophilius Lovegood wrote a heartfelt piece on the death of Vidya Amin, the awkwardness of the conversation still fresh in Leslie's mind. She ended up reading the column and meant to write to both Lovegoods, but unfortunately never had the effort. "I meant to write, but I was a bit busy this summer. It was great, really. I think she would have liked it."

A silence fell upon the trio, something Leslie was thankful for.

After passing several compartments full of obnoxious boys and hyperactive girls, Neville, Luna, and Leslie are close to giving up on finding an empty one, such being surprising now that the train is beginning to leave the city.

Luckily, Leslie decided to only carry around her knapsack, the small pack only containing her wand, a couple candies, and her robe that would simply be slipped on upon the end of the train ride, the green color standing out against the blue of Luna's and the maroon of Neville's.

The green once meant something foul in the minds of her friends.

At Hogwarts, students are sorted into four separate houses upon their very first arrival: Gryffindor, the house of the brave and chivalrous; Hufflepuff, the house with students who value loyalty and honesty; Ravenclaw, a house full of wizards who admire intelligence and individuality; and finally Slytherin, those who value the arts of cunningness and ambition. Luna was sorted into Ravenclaw and a year before her, Neville was placed in Gryffindor and Leslie in Slytherin. Despite the Houses being pieces of a whole, rivalries exist among students, particularly those in opposing Houses.

Based on stereotypes, the Gryffindor lions and Slytherin serpents always had it bad, their nagging and lack of understanding on both parts feeding into a strong disdain for the other. They are vastly different on basic levels, but they are very alike in other ways. Therefore, Leslie never had friends in the house of lions until her third year, the next batch rolling in two years later, after joining Dumbledore's Army.

"Do you know if D.A. will be back this year?" Neville asks while plucking a Bertie's jellybean from a box in his front pocket. He offers one to Leslie before his face contorts into pure disgust. Giggling, Leslie takes a few. The first one was soap flavored.

With her nose scrunched up, she replies, "I don't think so. Harry wrote me that with Dumbledore back, classes would return to normal. And—"

"Hi, Harry!"

Leslie looks over Neville's shoulder to find a lanky boy. The boy of sixteen with messy midnight black hair, bright green eyes, and a lightning-bolt-shaped scar on his forehead looked terribly uncomfortable while standing in the corridor, his circle-rimmed glasses crooked and held together with adhesive tape. "Neville!" Fortunately, the sight of his friends eases his tension, becoming relaxed.

Harry Potter is waved to by his friends and he takes a few steps to meet them in the train car corridor. Leslie senses Harry would rather be with his two best friends but is happy nonetheless with the group he has stumbled upon. Luckily, Leslie was able to cut her mind-reading before it began to dig deeper into Harry's thoughts: she did not want to intrude on the important information he had for Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley.

"Hello, Harry," Both Luna and Leslie spoke, only Leslie offering a kind wave.

"Les, Luna! It's good to see you. How are you, and your summers?" Harry asks. Leslie could tell he was trying to refrain from mentioning the parted. He, too, understands Leslie's pain.

Leslie nods her head. "It was alright."

Clutching the magazines to her chest, Luna also mentioning her nice summer off. "Very well, thank you. The Quibbler is doing well, too. Circulation's well up." The soft-spoken blonde smiles to herself.

"Let's find seats, yeah?"

Neville, Luna, and Leslie unanimously nod. As they moved through the train, Leslie could not help but notice the stares they were getting. Each compartment they passed meant more pairs of eyes watching their every move. No one spoke to the group, it was simply admiration, but not for her.

Last year, when Harry and his friends realized where Voldemort was keeping his defenseless godfather, they escaped Hogwarts and made it to the Ministry of Magic. Leslie, however, stayed behind to keep a group of mean, terrible students from leaving and ensuring they stayed asleep with the magic treats given to them. Thankfully, the group was fine with this, not realizing that Leslie intended to stay far away from Voldemort and Death Eaters alike. She wouldn't willingly put herself in immediate danger, danger which includes going off to fight dark wizards. Preserving herself was an act she had grown to adapt, the art second nature next to saying "please" and "thank you."

Sliding inside an empty compartment that Harry had mentioned seeing, Leslie watches as he tucks something into the shelves above the seat. He sits on one side while Luna and Neville perch themselves next to each other, resorting Leslie to plant herself next to The Chosen One.

"Leslie said you weren't thinking about starting D.A. up again this year— oi, Trevor!" Neville says, placing his plant beside him before diving under the compartment booths where his toad plots another escape. Luna, now wearing odd multicolor spectacles, opens a copy of The Quibbler and begins to read.

"No point now that we've got rid of Umbridge, is there?" Harry remarks.

Neville looks disappointed when he comes out from under the seat. "But still! I liked D.A.! I learned so much from you. You agree with me, right, Leslie?"

Her shoulders awkwardly move upwards. On one hand, she didn't want to stress Harry out more than he already was, no doubt. After all, he has to worry about Voldemort coming for him at all times. But on the other, she didn't want to upset Neville, worried that she may unintentionally imply she did not want to be around them, which could not be farther from the truth. "I mean, Harry's got a point, Neville: with Umbridge gone, there isn't an immediate need. I'm sure Defense Against the Dark Arts will be like D.A. this year."

"I liked the meetings," Luna says, piping into the conversation. "It was like having friends."

Harry, Neville, and Leslie all share a similar look, suddenly remembering how awkward and pitiful some of things Luna says can be. Leslie might have been somewhat awkward herself and a bit of a loner up until last year, but she never had the sense of freedom that Luna has when it comes to speaking what is on her mind. It was sometimes uncomfortable being with Luna, even with other friends present.

Before anyone could respond to the odd statement, there was a rustle and disturbance from outside the door. Craning her neck, Leslie spotted a few girls, all fourth years, whispering and giggling among each other. Leslie turned back to Harry who shared the same look of confusion.

"You ask him!"

"No, you!"

Leslie could have easily chosen to read what these girls were wanting to ask— if she was even given the option— but seeing how it could have been funny in some way, the mind-reader chose to let her gift go dormant. Legilimency is great and all, but sometimes a surprise is welcomed.

A girl with large dark eyes and long black hair began pushing her way through the posse, her prominent chin pointed high in confidence. "I'll do it," she says.

"This ought to be good," Harry murmurs, causing Leslie to hide a smile. She reaches over and takes a copy of the Quibbler, seeing how Luna has nearly twenty in a stack.

Pushing her hair from her face, the girl begins to speak. "Hi, Harry, I'm Romilda, Romilda Vane," she said loudly. "Why don't you join us in our compartment? You don't have to sit with them," she adds in a whisper.

There was no surprise here. Everyone knows how much of an oddball all three students are, no doubt the first years are already aware. Unlike Neville and Luna, Leslie had been fortunate to have never felt the brunt end of bullying. She managed to dodge those who might have had her in their sights, and she is painfully aware of who to aim her thanks towards, whether she liked it or not. While everyone would occasionally think of Leslie, no one in years had the nerve to bombarded her in insults, threats, anything.

So, the bluntness of Vane's words hit Leslie hard, her throat clenching. Is she offended? No, not particularly. The absolute reason why her jaw grew slack and eyes wide was shock due to the pure audacity Romilda Vane had.

"They're friends of mine," Harry replies coldly.

The large eyes of Romilda Vane widen more. "Oh," she mutters. "Oh, okay." And like that, she withdrew, closing the door behind her.

The compartment is engulfed in a silence, before Luna took it upon herself to end it. "People expect you to have cooler friends than us." Leslie stifles a giggle, while partly believing her.

"You are cool," Harry retorts quickly. "None of them was at the Ministry. They didn't fight with me or hold down the fort at Hogwarts."

Leslie would not give herself as much credit as Harry gives her, but the compliment is genuine. She appreciates his kind words, despite her head stinging with the memory of how, when, and why her Legilimency began showing signs of going amok. A solemn look plasters itself on her face momentarily.

"PETRIFICUS TO—"

"AVADA KEDAVRA!"

A single scream, a single thought, and millions only to follow.

The nightmares were quick to follow. Every night, Leslie would stay up as late as she could just to avoid sleep, forcing herself to the brink of insanity. Terrors crossed her dreams more often than not, so much so that she would rather never give up dreaming entirely than face the piercing cries and screams of agony from Vidya Mehar Nisha Amin.

Would they ever stop? They must, she tells herself, but that thought dwindles more and more with each morning she wakes. There had to be a reason for the haunting. At first, Leslie was convinced the terrors were the offspring of mourning and how she knew Vidya was gone. But months have passed, and nothing was changing. It was torture, a pain so unimaginable that it must be some kind of revenge. What if her friend was not meant to die, rather taking Leslie's place due to an unpredictable change in the universe? As astronomical and unknowing as it may be, Leslie cannot help but question the unknown, begging for a rational reason as to why her friend has terrorized her.

Why her dead best friend won't leave.

A hand touches her shoulder. At first, the feeling is both as hot as coals and chill as frost, her fears running wild. Leslie, half expecting Vidya to appear to haunt her in the real world, is relieved to find Harry. She does not miss the sorrow in his bright emerald eyes, nor does she miss the tear escaping down her pallid cheeks and on to her shirt.

"Les..." he says, a hand still on her shoulder.

The Slytherin girl quickly rubs away at the tears, sniffling back a sad exhale. Luna and Neville both watch as Harry attempts to comfort Leslie, their thoughts penetrating her deteriorating defense. They burst through all at once and Leslie finds herself overwhelmed with not only her intense emotions but the others as well.

Her father might have had the better idea.

Leslie stands, three pairs of eyes following her face. "I-I-I," she stutters. "I was just..."

Luna holds out her hand, her thumb rubbing the back of Leslie's. "You don't have to suffer alone. We're here."

The blonde is right. Leslie doesn't have to suffer alone. She has her friends, three of them together at a moment she needs them most. But she had been alone for so long, until a Ravenclaw befriended her in the library at age eleven. Her first real friend, her best friend, the person she needs above the rest, is gone.

"I need some air," Leslie gasps, lurching herself out of the compartment and down the aisle before anyone could make a comment.

Her head is cast down, not wanting to draw any attention to herself but also to keep her mind from inadvertently reading anyone around her, despite all the voices echoing in her mind already. Leslie has to choke back a sob of discomfort with each carriage she passes, the thoughts of students filtering through her crumbling wall.

Everything is heavy around Leslie. Her heart swells in a panicked pain, air entering her lungs as quickly as it leaves. Her blood pounds through her head. Leslie needs to get away, desperately. But where can she go on a crammed train? The bathroom, perhaps, but how long would she have to wait before the occupant exits? Exposure is the last thing she wants, especially to those who she accidentally headed towards.

Forget it.

There was no option but to keep moving, to keep pushing her feet straight ahead, regardless of the degradation she may face because of her vulnerability. At least it would not matter now, not while her mind is focused so intently on the past. Leslie's hands grow clammy, her forehead now bearing a thin sheer sheet of perspiration, and nausea was un-welcomed in its entrance. And the thoughts did not stop. They never do, and Leslie internally curses and screams as the thoughts, memories, and stories of strangers seep into her skull, the variant echoes reverberating off the walls of her head, the noise only growing louder and louder, drawing close to ear-piercing screams—

Leslie bumps into someone.

And the voices stop entirely.

There is no blood rushing to her head, no laughter from compartments, no steel on tracks. There is nothing.

Peaceful nothingness.

It takes Leslie a good moment to come back down from her enervated state, the dumbfound feeling of the world going quiet putting her in a stunned state of mind. The brown-eyed girl blinks, the remnants of her tears melting away into the void that took her thoughts away.

"Watch where you're going, Greyscale," a voice sneers.

The cold voice is one she has known for far longer than she will care to admit. Despite their long and complicated history, Leslie attempts to glare at the platinum blonde boy, but only a frown meets her request. Her eyes are still soft, fresh with evidence of tears. The boy's attention is grabbed, whether or not he intended to care.

A comment is not uttered, but Leslie pushes by Draco Malfoy, dodging insults from students like him, and not realizing his grey eyes follow her figure until she is out of sight.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

TAGLIST:

@isabellamur​

IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO BE ADDED, LET ME KNOW!

[dancingbaek]

To End in Ice and Fire | Part 5

Being born with a particular birthmark is the lurking fear every parent has in their hearts when they bring a child into this dark world. Your parents are the only ones who have never received relief when creating life, because they knew your soul would be damned for eternity when he finally comes to claim what’s his.

Moodboard // Prologue // Part 1 // Part 2 // Part 3 // Part 4 // Part 5

Spoiler: Jongin is an angry little vampire.

The next morning is much of the same. You wake up a little disoriented, but nonetheless slide out of bed and into the slippers you left waiting. The floor is always so cold in the morning and in the evening and your slippers can hardly fend off the cold. You change into a different dress in the closet, into a deep blue gown that you had trouble lacing up because the corset was just the slightest bit too small. You remedy the situation by sliding on an overcoat, buttoning each and every button. It wards off the chill in the air and you pad slowly to the vanity pressed up to the wall you hadn’t noticed the day before in your confusion and terror.

There’s a large mirror attached to the back of it, with little drawers and a seat cushion set in front of it. On the table is a golden hairbrush, intricate designs spiraling in a circle over the back of it, a large ruby set in the center. A matching hand mirror sits beside it. The Count and Countess did not even have such luxurious items in their household as you suspected the gold might be entirely real. Aside from the two items is a black wooden box, quite plain compared to the jeweled handset. A curious peek inside reveals glittering pieces of jewelry – you spy a string of genuine pearls, sapphire earrings, and garnet and diamond studded bracelets before you quickly shut it.

Raking the brush through your tired locks of hair, you regard yourself in the back mirror. Despite sleeping clear through the night, you look weary. Though talking to Junmyeon the morning before shed some light on your current situation, it had done nothing to set your mind at ease. When you had left your home to make the walk to the church, you had every intention of dying. You had believed you would be ripped apart and drained, much like that innocent boy had been. You had been waiting for the inevitability of death your entire life. You had kneeled every Sunday in church and every night before bed, praying that when it came you could still be saved.

Junmyeon had confirmed that your kidnapper had not brought you here just to kill you. If anything, you gathered that you were regarded as a piece of property to him. Not exactly a new concept to you, considering most marriages were arranged and young women like yourself were bartered off to the man with the highest place in society and the heaviest change purse. You, being a reasonably attractive woman and coming from a well-respected family, would have been good enough to be sold to Richard’s family. You would have been the next Countess and inherited his mother’s jewels and good standing, however you would have never truly owned anything. Everything would be Richard’s, and you would just be a conduit for his children.

You stood from the vanity, blinking images from a future you might have had out of your head. Sweeping your hair off your shoulder you make your way out of your room. Much like the day before, the hallways are mainly lit by candles, the heavy curtains still drawn over the windows. The path to the dining hall is empty of people, and you half expect to see Junmyeon waiting for you at the head of the table. Instead, it too is void of others, however the table is spread with much of the same breakfast food from the day before. You fill a plate with various fruits and cuts of meat before you pause. Being the only one present, and likely the only one in the house, why should you not take the head of the table?

Sitting down where the patriarch typically would affords you a rush of gratification. Although you look out to a table without companionship, the new vantage points allows you to regain some semblance of control over your life. One small decision seems to be enough to propel you through the day.

Junmyeon strolls into the hall while you’re finishing off the last of the sweet grapes. The amusement is plain on his face when he sees where you’ve chosen to sit. Awkwardly you begin to rise from the chair, but he waves it off and sits a few seats down. “I see you’ve made yourself comfortable.”

“Yes…” You start, grasping for an excuse before you decide on a light shrug and the truth. “I did not expect to have company this morning.”

“I put in for an order of lemon tarts this morning for a reason.” Junmyeon states, leaning forward to pluck one from a plate. You watch him take a bite in confusion but decide not to question it. If the bloodsucking demon wanted to eat a lemon tart, you would let him enjoy it in peace.

“So might we revisit the reason on me being here?” You question him, watching him practically inhale the sweet treat and reach for a second.

“I believe I addressed why you were here yesterday.” Junmyeon states when he swallows. “And I believe I stated Yixing should be speaking with you.”

“If I’m to be forced to live here,” You begin, doing your best to keep the spite from your tone. “I’m going to need things that I do not currently have.”

“Like what?” Junmyeon questions, quirking an eyebrow, already halfway done with his second treat. There was only one remaining.

“Like…” You grasp for common items, not having expected him to actually care. “Well I’m going to need access to a bath, and soaps. Sanitary cloths for my cycles. Womanly things.”

“I’ll make sure to let Yixing know your list of demands for living here.” He states in amusement, standing and plucking the last treat from the table. “I’m sure he’ll fall over himself trying to get those things in order.”

He disappears from the room as you huff lightly, chewing on the last grape with more force than necessary. If they wanted to hold you hostage you at least had the right to be clean. After a few second of debating you rise from the head of the table, following him out to try to squeeze more answers out of him. He has already disappeared, and a quick search of the bottom floor shows that he must have made it up the stairs with alarming quiet and speed.

The rest of the day is spent trying to amuse yourself. You go on another tour of the castle, seeing if you can find anymore unlocked doors. There aren’t any. You run out of ideas to amuse yourself quickly and succumb to deciding to read the day away. While you love reading, it having been how you spent most of your days at home anyways, you had nothing else to do. You should have told Junmyeon to ask Yixing to procure more entertainment.

It is somehow easy demanding things from Junmyeon, or at least speaking to him in a normal manner. He was more human-like than Yixing had been, and if it weren’t for his red eyes and flash of pointed teeth you would have tempted to go as far and say the two of you could be friends. He felt more human, yes, but there were still times where he went far too long without blinking or you caught him looking at your throat.

The next few days pass by much the same. Despite not having a bible you say a short prayer every night, but you quickly begin to lose faith. You discover the room next to yours open the next day, inside being a large claw foot tub with steaming water. A table is set beside it, housing a plethora of soaps for your body and hair. A plush towel sits next to them. You close the door and bolt it shut, sitting in the scalding water until it turns cool and your skin is pruned. You took time to smell all of your options, settling on a mixture of vanilla and peppermint. You scrub and scrub and scrub until you have to get out and wrap the towel around your body.

In fact, every morning since your chat with Junmyeon has produced steaming bath water for your enjoyment. It immediately becomes the favorite part of your day, despite the piano that lulls you to sleep every night. You silently acknowledge the fact that not even those in the largest homes back in your village had the opportunity to bathe each and every day.

Junmyeon does not show up after the second day, but you find yourself not minding it. Though you miss human interaction, you’re content to wallow your days away in solitude, bath water, and tomes thicker than your torso. Which is exactly what you’re doing on the fifth day of the kidnapping – balancing a large book on your knees, peering down at the words in a plush chair in the library. Having chosen something outlining the lineage of a faraway land, you settled in with a cup of tea to read the afternoon away.

 You awake sometime later. The curtains you had drawn to let in the late afternoon sun might as well have been shut with all the light that was left. The sky was dark, what light the moon cast hardly penetrating through the window. Sleepily you shift, your legs sliding out from under you and falling stiffly to floor.

Hissing as you pull your feet back, you feel the residual sharp pinpricks of how cold the floor was. Winter was certainly setting in. Blearily you reach down and fumble blindly for the slippers you had discarded before shoving your feet into them. This time you weren’t shocked when your feet hit the floor, and you pushed yourself out of the chair. You stretch your arms above your head, yawning obnoxiously before your mind wakes up enough to realize you can year the piano weaving its way into the library from the music room upstairs.

You’ve never been out of your room when you hear the piano. You still don’t know who plays it. It could be Junmyeon, sure, or it could be Yixing or some other demon you’ve yet to meet – okay, slow down, you tell yourself, taking a breath to steady your increasing thumping heartbeat. The library is on the first floor, the music room on the second, and your room on the third. All you have to do is be quiet going up the stairs.

Creeping outside the library, you’re met with the characteristic stillness of the household. No one is roaming the halls and there’s no noise outside of the soft, lilting melody of the piano keys. It’s even more beautiful now that there’s one less door between you and its location. Closing the door slowly behind you, you began to creep towards the grand staircase. Candles were lighted in their perches on the walls, casting yellow and orange hues against the dark stone. Just a few stairs up, you pause. Was it the fourth or the fifth stair that creaked under added weight? You take a moment to wrack your brain for an answer before you decide to hike up your skirts and stretch to the sixth stair.

Narrowly avoiding a leg cramp, you push yourself back to a respectable position, straightening out your skirts and continuing to sneak up the rest of the staircase. There was only one other stair you had to avoid, and when you reached the top you mentally gave yourself a round of applause. One flight of stairs down, one flight of stairs to go. As you begin your light trek down the hallway towards the next flight of stairs, the feathery lilt of melody swelled, working towards a climax of what you were sure was to be an amazing end of –

“Hello.” A honeyed voice sounded from behind you. You spin in mid stride to face whoever spoke, but there’s no one there. Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, squinting lightly into the weak light cast by the candles. There’s no one there.

“In front of you.” The same voice speaks from behind you once more. You spin again, this time coming face to face with another demon. You take an involuntary step back, back towards the stairs.

He’s easily the most attractive of the three. Towering above you, you see deep chocolate hair parted in the front, and his skin must have been naturally rich because last you knew these demons could not go out in the sun. His skin practically glowed despite the weak lighting, but that’s where the warmth stopped. A sharp jawline, plump lips quirked into a smirk, a straight nose, strong eyebrows, and blood red eyes. Junmyeon’s – even Yixing’s – had life in them, emotion and personality. This man’s were cold, lifeless. Dead, just like him.

“It’s rude not to speak when spoken to.” His voice is huskier than when he first spoke, but still dripping in honey. Immaculately dress, his jacket was unbuttoned halfway, his white shirt underneath similarly unbuttoned. An expanse of tanned skin showed, and you could practically see the iron muscles ripple underneath.

“Hello.” You suddenly find your voice and dip into an uncertain curtsy. He’s different from Junmyeon, different from Yixing. While you knew that they were both deadly, they didn’t look at you like you were a meal. They didn’t look through you.

The man in front of you suddenly smiled a full, toothy grin – and displayed for the first time the fangs you had heard so many rumors about when they spoke of the dead bodies found in the morning. Long, sharp, and almost mockingly glinting in the faint light – you couldn’t help but take another step back.

“That was adorable.” He stated in an amused tone. Your face flushed, and the thought of his fangs again sent your pulse skyrocketing. His eyes darted down to your neck, and he cocked his head to the side. It was as if he could hear your accelerated heart rate. A pink tongue darted out to lick his bottom lip, eyes not straying from your neck. You take another step back.

“Just a taste.” He says to himself in a low tone, the amusement from before having vanished as quick as it showed and his eyelids drooped low, hooded. The piano has stopped, but you have no time to take note of this fact. His lips pull back to reveal his fangs again as he leans forward, arms reaching out to keep you from running away. It was like a train wreck. Fear consumed you, rooting you to your place and the only thing you could do was screw your eyes shut in an attempt to ignore what was happening.

“Here to save your little mate, hm, Xing?” The handsome man ground out, and you managed to crack open your eyes. Directly in front of you was a broad back clad in a black suit jacket. Even from behind, even from his shortened name you could tell it was Yixing. Something deep inside of your soul told you it was him.

“You should not touch ladies without permission, Jongin.” Yixing speaks, his voice even. The first time he had spoken to you it had been soft, gentle – now it had an undercurrent of suppressed anger and barely contained contempt. The power shifted in the hallway away from the demon named Jongin and he felt it immediately. From peeking around Yixing, you saw him retreat a few steps. His eyes flickered from Yixing’s to yours, and he sneered.

“Ladies shouldn’t be wandering at night. They don’t know what lurks in the shadows.” He warned, and then he was simply gone. You didn’t blink, at least you don’t think you did; he was just there one moment and gone the next.

Yixing turned to face you after a moment. His hair hung over his forehead now, but he was still just as beautiful. Red eyes peered down at you, and you couldn’t make it past the startling closeness to see the concern clouding them. You take another step backwards, trying to get some physical space in an effort to clear get a grip on your mind.

Except this time, your foot does meet the smooth wooden planks along the floor. Instead, it’s met by nothing but thin air and belatedly you realize that, in your terror of the demon, you had retreated to the first staircase. Having no time to correct your mistake, your body tips backwards as your balance is thrown off. As your arms flail out to try to regain control you let out a very unbecoming yelp at the prospect of falling down the stairs and likely cracking your head open on a step or the landing.

Once again Yixing is there to save you. He reaches to grab hold of your hand, pulling you away from the steps and pivots you around so he’s between you and your close brush with an embarrassment you would never live down. His hands are cold, impossibly cold, and the grip he has on you sends your heartbeat into overtime – scratch that, the proximity he’s holding you at does. One arm has snaked around your waist to hold you firmly to his body, as if he could protect you wholly from making another stupid mistake tonight. His slim build does nothing to hide the fact that he is solid muscle. His hands may be comparable to ice, but his core body just seems to lack heat and is cool through the few layers of clothing he has on. Your own body seems to thrum with the closeness of him, something stirring deep inside of you.

“Careful, little one.” His tone is scolding while his lips are pressed into a thin line, brows scrunched together. The concern is hard to miss this time and the revelation that this heartless being is showing some semblance of kindness to you sends you spiraling further.

Heat colors your cheeks, making it hard to deny the embarrassment you were feeling with the whole situation. Yixing’s eyes rake over your features and you note offhand that his Adam’s apple bobs with a hard swallow. It’s a similar reaction Jongin had before he tried to tear into your neck, however you find it hard to react to Yixing the same way. “I-I am so sorry.”

You’re sorry? You instantly cringe at the fact you had apologized to the man – the thing that had kidnapped you from a church just days beforehand. He must have something similar running through his mind because the widening of his eyes and slow blink tell the story. “You’re sorry?” He questions, shaking his head and letting go of you. Somehow, you’re left feeling colder when he does. “You should not apologize for having an appropriate reaction to my kind. You have nothing at all to apologize for.”

“The piano stopped.” You note out loud, voice surprisingly even. Yixing regards you closely, being able to tell so much had happened in such a short period of time for you that you were choosing to focus on the small things before you tackle the large ones. “Were you playing it?”

“Yes,” Yixing answers, adding more gently, “I think it’s time for you to get into bed, little one.”

“I think you’re right.” You concede. He moves to the side, gesturing politely that you continue on your way. The first few steps are a bit wobbly, still feeling blindsided by the events that just transpired. A blood thirsty demon trying to rip into your neck, another, slightly less blood thirsty demon saving you from him, and then saving you from your own clumsy self. You had found yourself wishing these past few days to just run into Yixing again so you could demand that he release you, demand that he take you home unharmed and leave you be. But here he was, looking impossibly handsome in the flickering light, being kind, and you could not bring yourself to do so.

He follows a pace behind, his presence following you down the hall and up another flight of stairs. When you enter your bedroom, he stops in the doorway; lingering, watching. You pull the blankets back from the bed, trying to think of what to say to the red-eyed man.

“Sleep well.” He states softly, beating you to it and reaching in to take hold of the doorknob, beginning to shut the door. Your heart leaps in your throat at the thought of being alone, at the thought of Jongin being somewhere in the house. They don’t know what lurks in the shadows. When Jongin had spoken it, you had taken it as a serious warning. It flared up in your mind again, spreading through you like wildfire.

“Wait!” The panic in your voice made him halt, looking up at you with widened eyes. “What if he ends up coming back?”

Yixing drew himself up to his full height, shoulders tense and expression solemn. “Jongin will not come back, nor will he hurt you. I will not let anyone hurt you. I promise it.” His tone was even but laced with seriousness you had not expected. It was hard not to believe the words when he conveyed them so earnestly.

You turn from him, trying to steady the warmth that spread through you at his sudden flare of protectiveness. Keeping your voice as even as possible, you manage to murmur, “I believe you,” as you slide out of your slippers and into bed. “And I want to talk tomorrow.”

Yixing nods, beginning to close the door once more. “Good night, little one.”

You shrug out of your coat and unlace the corset, shrugging them both off before you lay down in bed, pulling the blankets up high. The piano never starts back up, but you don’t find difficulty in drifting off.

[yzareenxiv]

Small Lives

"He's a bad man."

Oh, Lolah, why didn't I listen?

She'd argued vehemently that she was just as bad, that she would make him better, that she deserved the monster because she, herself, was a monster and isn't that how it works? Isn't that how it should be?

Now he was dead and C'arha was done with her.

No more 'you make me want to be better'. No more 'I need you'. No more 'I love you'. No more lies. No more manipulations. No more broken vows. No more passion. No more screaming, snarling arguments. No more whispered words of devotion. No more 'Amata' or 'Tempesta' or 'Tenebris' or 'Goddess' or 'Kitten' or 'Love' or 'Sandari'. No more sun-bright brilliance or fire-and-ice glory. No more falling asleep to the sound of someone else's heartbeat. No more soft smiles and bright eyes met across rooms. No more hands holding hers. No more soul mates or star crossed lovers.

The nights were so very, very empty. The days tumbled into each other in meaningless cacophonies that threatened to drive her mad and too-frequently sent her into the corner of her bedroom with her pillow over her ears to block out the sounds of too many neighbors, too many voices, too many noises, too many thoughts. The apartment Ayanga had arranged for her had been a kind gift that she had taken when she had received word that her home was, for the time being, unlivable. She was not accustomed to being so close to so many people all the time and her sensitive hearing and self-imposed isolation did her no favors.

In desperation, weeks ago, Zareen had tried to return to her house, thinking it could only be better than being stuck in the echoing box she was in, even if it was a little damaged. When she arrived, she was met with the tangible evidence of her life's destruction- the damage caused by the fight with Arden and the fire that Sana had extinguished had collapsed the upper floor and the combined weight had sent part of the building into the basement. Efforts had been made to preserve everything from the elements but nothing else had been touched.

She had gone picking through the rubble, salvaging what she could, being reminded with every piece of debris she turned over of the life she had built in that place. Of another time she had gone picking through rubble and debris at C'arha's side, offering the distraught woman her company and care. The memory stung all the more as Zareen looked at the devastation around her, surveying it while all alone.

I brought this on myself.

Workmen were hired after that but she did nothing to oversee them. What was the point of having a house if the people that she had bought it for were dead or lost to her? It was just a husk, a pretty trap with blades that waited to slice and cut and bleed her heart dry with every memory. She was told they put all the things they had recovered into storage for her, that almost everything was salvaged, and she had tried to show her gratitude even as the apathy gnawed at the edge of her consciousness. The workmen worked, the house slowly ceased to be rubble, the garden grew under the care of skilled gardeners that she couldn't remember hiring and didn't really care about as long as they made certain C'arha's flowers didn't die.

She hadn't gone to see the progress of the house, or the items in storage, or the spring garden- what was the point? The cubs had everything they needed- she'd recovered nearly the entire nursery, thanks to the wards- and she had the few things that truly mattered to her. Everything else... everything else was shards of shattered dreams that she couldn't bring herself to crawl through. She'd tried, at first. Turning over everything that had happened in her mind, over and over again, running through her memories- the last 6 moons, then the last year, then the last two years, then her time since leaving the island, then her time since becoming the Jaguar, then back and back until her earliest memories. She walked through the world without seeing it, without feeling it, without experiencing it, too preoccupied with trying to figure out where it had all gone so wrong. When she finally realized she was accomplishing nothing by looking backwards it had been simultaneously a weight off her shoulders and an overwhelming feeling of pointlessness.

What had it all been for?

Looking into her daughters' eyes was the only bright spot, the only thing that felt like it meant something anymore. When they napped or played with each other, Zareen felt like a forgotten doll, dropped carelessly aside to wait for time's inevitable flow, and she sat almost lifeless, staring into empty space and doing her best to think of or do something productive. Dinner? Lunch? Did she need more laundry soap? Were the oranges in the bowl going mushy? Small thoughts, quiet thoughts, for a life that had gone small and quiet and mostly meaningless. Her spear gathered dust in a closet- she used to bring it out frequently to keep it cleaned and sharpened, had even ventured out hunting a couple of times, but as the suns passed she recalled too clearly her promises not to hunt alone anymore and that memory led to other memories of other promises, hunts both recent and long, long past, and pain and failure and joy and success and it was all too much. So she set that part of herself aside, trying to hide it in a windowless room to suffocate and die, to grow dull and useless and forgotten.

Zareen had never been one to go quietly into the night, though. And as much as she wanted to, as much as her days blurred together and her nights were spent restlessly staring at the walls- or startling awake screaming and lying trembling and still as she watched the shadows for threats and held tightly to a purple-hearted crystal- there was still something inside her, some unquenchable flicker that wouldn't allow her to end her own misery. Every time she went walking in Shirogane and found herself staring longingly at the sea, imagining the stillness, the silence, the chill and the dark, something spurred her to turn her head and keep walking. Every time she stood in the kitchen, time ticking away without comprehension, eyes fixated on the blade of the knife as she sliced carrots or potatoes, enchanted at the play of light over the metal and the promises of crimson and candy-apple and rubies, something would make her blink and frown and go back to preparing the meal.

She drank too much. She slept too little. She rarely ate.

Some days, she managed more. Some days, she even managed to gather herself and her cubs and go to see her family. Share a meal. Babysit. Be all small talk and smiles and rarely, very rarely, even laughter.

The nightmares were always worst, those nights, and she struggled terribly with guilt when she would feel relieved that she did not hear from anyone for a sun or two. She was not made to play pretend and she did not do it well.

I used to have such big dreams.

She didn't ask about the Pack anymore. When she felt the unmistakable chill of the Void brush against her senses, she did not drop everything to chase it down anymore. When she felt the Sin Eater inside of her stir, she ruthlessly ignored it until it slumbered once again. Small thoughts, those were safe. A small life. A life with walls and fences and overhanging rooftops and polite empty conversations where you ignore the pull of the sun and the moon, the dance of the stars, the rush of the wind, the call of the sea. Where thunder is just thunder and not the lovemaking of the gods. Where there are no great destinies calling your name. Where primal forces do not walk or talk or guide your steps. Where magic is a practicality and not an art and a thrill and a thing of beauty and great skill. Where the brandishing of weapons is frowned upon and martial skill simply isn't necessary.

Where emotions skate across the surface and you never, ever, ever look down.

It's so much more peaceful this way. Is this the way everyone else lives?

When she was told Dunrai was not returning from the Steppes, it had briefly brought it all bubbling back to the surface- grief and loss and loneliness and fear and self-loathing and anger and glorious memories of dancing and singing and stories and hugs and safety and warmth and love. She had wept, the storm fierce but too-quickly pushed down and away- who was she to cry and mourn? What right did she have? Mourning is too big a thing for a small life so she locked it away with all the rest- down in the dark- and did her best to make herself go out to help Ayanga and Tolemy more often with their cubs.

Then Ayanga asked to visit, made a proposal of the occasional family meals and sleep overs, and she had accepted with a confusing mix of reluctance and hope. Small lives had small things like these, didn't they? Women and men in the market who had never stepped foot outside the 8 or 10 blocks of their home spoke of family visiting and sharing a meal, after all. Maybe this would be okay- maybe this would be safe and she wouldn't have to crawl through the bright, keen-edged broken dreams again. So long as she could keep everything on the surface, keep the closets locked and barred, stay behind the walls, keep it all small and simple, then everything would be okay. She was getting so good at it, even his keen eyes wouldn't notice anything amiss. And if he did? Maybe, maybe he would welcome the change- maybe he would think she was just becoming more Doman, more centered, following his lead. Maybe if she was small and quiet and calm and civilized, maybe if she no longer danced through the world chaotic and loud and bright and feral and violent and fierce and loyal and loving and so very, very broken, maybe that was the person she was meant to be. Maybe that was what Tolemy had meant when he told her to find herself, even if what she found wasn't perfect.

Maybe they will understand that it is so much easier this way. As long as I keep my head down, as long as I don't look around, as long as I stay behind the walls and under the roofs and keep my hands to myself and my thoughts to myself and my dreams to myself and my nightmares to myself then everything else will eventually go away. That's how people do this, right? That's how people are. I may not be able to lie like everyone else can, but if I make my truth as small as possible, then I won't have to- I'll be just like everyone else.

((Tagging for mentions: @ala-mhinyan and @talesfromthegameff14 ))