#no i dont think it'll stay that count. who knows.

[frostedpuffs]

i am fearful of how long this fic will be when i finally finish it

[tastesousweet]

⭒ the girl with the tattoo (viii) - pt 1 pt 2 p3 p4 p5 p6 p7

matt sturniolo x fem!oc / reader

summary : the triplets' birthday party is a perfect place for flirting, tension, and... well, matt and y/n's forte.

warnings : use of alcohol, weed and smut ( just a lil flithy icl ), beware that the word count on this ho is crazy - meaning i did not proofread!

mickey speaks : this took a MINUTE to get out im sawrryyyy. i tried to fit everything into one part and ended up rewriting almost the entire part last minute (which is most of the reason why this is very delayed), sooo hope you love??? bc i dont lmfao also the triplets r a couple yrs older in this (turning 23)

THIS IS PART EIGHT GO READ THE OTHERS FIRST!!!

"JESUS, matt. can you take this seriously, please?" chris scoffs, taking the dry-erase marker cap from its awkward spot between his teeth.

matt's not one to continue adding his opinion knowing it won't be listened to. he prefers to leave the impossible-to-get-a-word-in debating to nick and chris who have no problem yelling over each other to the point that they don't even know what the issue ever was.

so he's found comfort in sitting at the dining room table with his eyes firmly closed and arms used as a pillow for his head, leaving nothing but a dollop of his hair to be shown, or as he told chris "attempting to find peace for myself while living with you chaotic fucks."

"what could you possibly want from me?" matt asks without moving from his face down position, voice muffled and strained.

"i want you to fight for your opinion! don't you care about what we do for our birthday?!" chris stresses while nick rolls his eyes and falls into a bored stance, leaning against the dark marble counter.

matt finally raises his head causing his face to scrunch up and eyes to squint due to the sudden and bright change in lighting, "no? i actually don't give a shit, chris."

chris first feels the instigator within him sighing in defeat only for his pride to take center. he figures if nick has practically given up and matt cares so little, that gives him all of the creative action for birthday plans. exactly what he wanted.

his lips form a tight line to hide his satisfaction as he shakes his head slowly, unevenly wiping his hand across the magnetic white board (that he used to write the many ideas thrown around in his head, mistakenly thinking a visual would narrow things down for him and nick). “‘kay. then i’m getting nate to help plan us a house party and it'll be fucking perfect. because i care.”

౨ৎ

you've never been so grateful of your front door's placement this close to the kitchen. but carrying three cake boxes and a tote bag the size of your torso, desperately needing to put them down after traveling up three flights of stairs, will surely be the task that brings that gratitude out of you.

though when you arrive, your scrunched eyebrows and pouted lips are an apparent contrast to the enthusiastic vibe of your kitchen- with andrea moving her hips to the lines of spanish dancing in the air, waiting patiently for the sizzling indication of her fried egg's tenderness, and the use of pink lemonade-colored towels or handles on utensils (that made you and andrea way too happy during one of your first target runs as roommates) scattered around.

drea finally notices you when your metal keychain clanks against the countertop, "y/n!" her excitement slightly dulls with her widened eyes when she gets a better view of your face, turning the stove off and coming closer to hug you. "hi, good morning-ish. are you feeling okay? ...or, like, sad?" you silently accept her gesture and tuck your head in her neck while she caresses your hair with a sigh, "or both at the same time...?"

your response is a breathy sigh and pause before the words tumble out, "m'fine, i think. just overestimated myself a little with staying up so late." you remove your head from her neck and move backwards to lean against the countertop, fanning your hands to create a much needed breeze, "and i'm so hot, it's making me feel gross."

andrea peers into the clear plastic cutout on top of one of the boxes, "at least the cakes look nice."

a week ago you set your mind on gifting the triplets their own cakes for their birthday (thinking that sharing a day was already enough, no way would you want them to have to share and agree on only one cake). you easily gathered their cake preferences by sneaking it into any random conversations you'd have with each of them.

and after a week of planning and preparing, was it so bad if you wanted a fun night in with your roomie? andrea warned you several times to go to bed considering you'd be up at 5:30 the next morning, but you insisted that you'd be fine and asked her to help you clear the rest of the box-wine in the fridge.

you could tell matt was a little irritated that you chose rewatching episodes of a sitcom and "cheap ass box-wine" over sex with him (of course throwing the fact that his birthday would be arriving in only a few hours right in your face) but you pioneered and assured him that you'll make time for him the next day, while also sweetly reminding him that you too have a life outside of this exchange.

at midnight you sent the triplets a group message to congratulate. and a few minutes later you left andrea on the couch for your room, sending matt a birthday text of his own (because you did feel the tiniest bit guilty for rejecting him earlier) paired with a picture with your shirt lifted, hem tucked behind your teeth, and your boobs sat in a sheer bra with decorative white trimming and a bow in the center.

he didn't respond for almost an hour and you tried to not feel embarrassed or overthink his reaction at all.

you couldn't stand the giddiness that came over you (you'd blame it on being the slightest bit tipsy) when you finally got into bed to find his response gentle, in his own matt-kind-of-way, with your image loved and a grayed bubble text reading: "Very pretty, thank you"

"thanks, drea. they were a bitch to make." water drowns out your voice as you start to wash your hands in the deep sink. you run your soapy fingers over a small cut you got when dealing with an irritating cardboard box earlier, finding the stinging of the hot water a wonderful kind of bitter that further plays into your foul mood.

"mmm... i'm sure. but it's not like you can even tell. they almost look store-bought," she attempts to flatter you, turning her head from the packaged desserts to offer a smile.

when you're sweet you're the most ripe, juicy peach, eveyone knows this. but god, when you're feeling down you really are the most cranky, green apple that could force a pucker onto even the most undaunted. your face is dragged of any aloofness or sunshine with your dry response as she turns to resume her breakfast, "uh huh. you don't have to coddle me. i'll get over myself soon, i promise." you dry your hands.

andrea would argue she's not coddling only looking out for your well being- because she wants to and knows if she were neglecting her needs you'd be right on her ass as well, "okay...and did you eat?"

"just like, a bagel before i left," you open the fridge and let the door hang open as you walk across the kitchen to grab the cake boxes and set them inside. you make sure to mind your feet, noticing figaro nosily has his furry face lifted to sniff into the side door.

she strings some sarcasm into her sentiment, "oh yum." she pauses, letting the sizzle of the egg and (now faint) music linger in the air before she speaks again, "how about you go take a shower or do something that'll make you feel a little better?"

"you know i would but being around my favorite roommate is already making me feel sooo much better!" you deliver the dry joke with a smile and pick up figaro when you shut the fridge door with an accidental slam.

she turns to look at you over her shoulder as she grabs two glass plates for the both of you, scolding you like a mother (as she tended to transform into at times like this due to her essentially parenting her younger siblings) "y/n, you're only fighting yourself, go ahead now."

౨ৎ

matt can hear chris' voice only grow louder and pound against the hallway walls but assumes he is heading anywhere but the space that matt's in, deciding to continue brushing his teeth instead.

he'd only be so lucky on his birthday.

"but yeah-" chris interrupts himself to knock and barely wait for an answer before he walks into matt's sleek bathroom. "matt's here!" his phone is carelessly thrown in front of matt's face (with a frothing mouth and irritated eyes) before he has truly registered anything that has happened.

he truly wants to roll his eyes infinitely but when he sees his mother is the one on the phone, his grumpy front is quickly wilted and a glimmer kisses his spirit in a way only she could produce.

it's clear she hadn't expected matt to be in the middle of something as personal as brushing his teeth when she first sees him, "oh, hi matt!" she understands him well enough to know he absolutely hates this (this being chris unnecessarily close to him as he hunches over to keep matt's face in the camera) so she attempts to amuse him, "wow, you're really showing your age now, aren't you? just looking so put together and nice." she laughs to herself as matt tries to not smile whilst brushing, holding his index finger up to indicate that he would address her with words in only a moment.

"chris, honey, why'd you bring me to your brother when he's busy, anyway?! now we're just watchin' him brush his teeth and the angles you're givin' me are so awkward," she emphasizes her sentence as it goes on.

chris turns the phone back to himself, "because you told me to show him?!"

"no, i said 'where's matt?'" she corrects him in jest.

"okay, so am i incorrect in saying that there was an implication-?"

matt dries his face with a towel and grabs the phone scolding chris, "hey we get it, smartass-" he turns to look at her again with a smile, "sorry mom."

"mhm," she dismisses, "when's this party of yours starting?"

"soon i think," matt moves around chris to exit the bathroom, leaving chris (literally) in the dark.

"okay and how's your birthday been so far?" he smiles knowing how excited she's always been about these things.

"good, i don't feel any different. just doin' the same stuff, except today there's way more people sending me texts and pretending the care about me." matt places the phone against a bowl full of chips in the kitchen, waving when he notices chris followed him.

"get down here nick, mom's on the phone!" chris yells, coming into frame and leaning on the counter. "jeez, matt's masochism can't give any of us a break even on days literally made for our happiness. you hearin' this kid ma?"

matt shakes his head, pointing to chris with his handful of chips, "spell masochism."

chris' eyes pinch and before their mother or chris himself reply, nick is running over to them with a smile and yell of "im heree!!"

she's has the much-expected motherly urge to cry seeing her three sons (whom she rarely sees anymore) all in the same frame, "aw, hi nicky! just look at you boys...so sweet."

it only takes another second before she's crumbling in tears. their smiles drop as chris grabs his phone. they all begin spilling out the most comforting phrases they know to cheer her up.

౨ৎ

"okay people! cake is coming through! everyone move. move, move...precious cargo right here and your ass is in the way!" asha yells and shines her phone's flashlight into the faces in the crowded living room as she ushers the girls to the kitchen.

she earns a few glares that she happily dishes back and a few mumbles of "bitch" once she's walked past that has remi "accidentally" stepping on a certain people's shoes while following asha's lead.

the modern open kitchen hosts plenty of drinks and snacks as well as a worried nathan, who's shirt is barely on his torso from the amount of buttons he's undone since stepping foot in the wild space. "oh thank god the cake's are here," he sighs with a throw of his head before frantically moving a platter of chips and guac (that someone was actively eating from) and a few six packs from the island to the opposite counter, encouraging the girls to place them down with an awkward nod of his head and harsh blink of his eyes.

asha holds back a laugh at nate's odd vibe as she moves next to him, nudging his shoulder, "what's wrong with you?"

"nothing," his head whips to look at her, "well, i mean, think 'm just nervous." he starts slow but it seems he needed someone to finally prompt him to share such a frustrated rant, "like- chris comes to me and asks me to throw him the best party. yet he doesn't give me shit to work with besides his home to host it in-" he breathes, "and 'm feelin' all the pressure of planning a party right now but, you know, i just need things to go smooth and then i'll be fine..." he runs a hand through his hair, "you ladies don't worry about me." he fakes a smile and gives a small wave of his wrist to show just how "fine" he is.

coinciding with nate's rant, you've began to pour a hefty amount of vodka and lemon juice (you absolutely scoured the fridge for) into a large glass. you hand it off to andrea with a pleading "mix" as you lick the remaining lemon juice from your thumb and open cabinets to search for shot glasses.

you line up a multitude of shot glasses with various cities labeled on them as andrea pours the mixture in carefully. you immediately bring one up to nathan, "lemon drop?"

"yes, please. no way your a fucking bartender and baker?" nate's eyes widen as he receives the small glass.

"no, definitely not. just live with a girl whois always making her own drinks at home," you smile and grab your own glass as the rest of the girls follow suit.

"i need this right now," remi starts, "let's cheers to drea's DIY shit and nathan making it through the rest of the night!" she woops and the group all let out various chuckles.

"a-fuckin'-men!" nate leans to clink the small glasses softly before taking the shot quickly. he barely recovers from the shot before he's pouring more vodka into his glass and taking a second.

you get the best view of chris turning the corner and seeing you all (his reaction is more specifically for andrea) have arrived. his jaw hangs dramatically as he walks over but quickly turns to a big smile when the group all start to sing happy birthday to him. "stop it! stop it!" he jokes and begins to give out hugs and thank each of you for coming. he stops and squeezes you extra tight, bringing up the cakes sat nearby, "i know that bakery anywhere. thank you for my cake."

"of course, i had to," you smile.

"no seriously, you're fuckin' awesome, girl." you can tell he's already a little buzzed from the look in his eyes but you also know he's almost more truthful than ever when drunk.

you notice that when he leaves you to finally greet your roommate, it's very clear he's purposely left andrea last to ensure there would be no rush on his interaction.

the rest of the group leave them to their own world for a moment; as the two hug chris gives her a soft kiss on her forehead, whispering "hi, mi cariña (my darling)" an inside joke between the two of them as chris' struggle with speaking spanish never fails to make andrea laugh.

౨ৎ

"okay, okay, i'll do it," matt finally gives in, lifting himself off of the black couch with people piled on top of it. he hands his drink over to elijah smoothly and begins to playfully rub his hands together.

"'hold my beer' headass," elijah jokes placing the cup off on a side table next to him. matt stops any movement, turning his torso to look back at the boy and start to laugh while holding both middle fingers up.

"matt," erin taps him with the side of her arm twice to get his attention again, handing him the second wii remote in her hands. the screen appears extra bright in contrast to the dimness of the room which causes matt to wonder how the fuck anyone has managed to play just dance in this space without getting a sudden head rush or worse.

"okay, let's do timber because it's classic," she suggests.

"let's not," matt opposes, his hand covering his mouth to hide a grin before running his cursor over the other choices.

erin looks over to him with a blank expression, "i mean i don't care that much you can-"

"'m joking, we'll do timber," matt looks from her to the colorful screen to find the song once more.

when he notices she's stiil looking over at him with an unreadable expression, matt smiles big attempting to not laugh, causing his already-slim eyes to pinch a little extra as he turns to her, "hey e, the screen's right up there, you won't be getting much direction from starin' at me-" he breaks into obnoxious laughter mid-way through his sentence which earns him a small smack on the arm.

erin laughs a little now, "would you stop it? just click 'a' on your fucking remote."

he does as she says and looks to her as the screen loads, "thereee we go, you can cool down now, sweetheart."

as the two dance both matt and his friends make one-off comments and jokes about the many times matt almost fell (and would make sure to blame it on the rug or his shoes). they seem to be having such a great time that you don't know if you only being there for the final few lines of the song, watching erin ride matt's back as they spin in circles laughing, is fortunate or unfortunate.

the claps and whistles are wild when the two finish with a bow, the crowd around them only getting louder when matt teases that he's so hot he might have to take off his shirt, lifting it slightly then putting it back down and calling them pervs. you only shake your head and bite back a smile, hating how fucking charming he is when he allows himself to be completely lost in a good time.

matt would say you snuck onto the sectional couch- because a minute ago you weren't there and now here you are talking elijah's ear off and taking repeated hits of his blunt.

but you wouldn't say you snuck into his area, rather walked in a manner in which you'd be out of his and erin's way- of course not taking away from the birthday boy and his...good friend. so you're a bit surprised he slumps on the couch next to you and not in his original spot on the opposite side of eli, "sunnnyy," he huffs and leans his head back against the couch, "when'd you get here, huh?"

you turn to look at him and he smiles at you then looks up to the ceiling, "think an hour ago? maybe?" you hand him the blunt.

"cool, cool, cool..." matt repeats cutting himself off by placing it in his mouth. he's dressed so stylish and attractive you can't help but scan over him with your eyes; his jersey-style shirt showing off his armfuls of tattoos, baggy jeans, car keys hanging on a cheetah print clip attached to his belt loop, shoes that look straight out of the box, a matching hat that you honestly wish he'd take off, and his signature silver jewelry brightening his attributes in the otherwise dark room.

he makes the slightest "tsss" sound when breathing in the drug before speaking with smoke plummeting from his mouth, "you should dance next," he brings it back to his mouth for a final hit.

"mmm maybe...if lucas is up for it," you play with the metal can of a wine cooler that you hold on your bare knee as matt leans over you to hand an occupied eli his blunt back, his laugh trails smoke out of his mouth and into your face as he slouches back next to you.

"forgot you're fuckin, hilarious! holy shit." his hand makes its way up his own shirt to rest on his stomach as he giggles.

a smile grows on your face, "no seriously is he here?" you lift yourself up a little and pretend to look for the familiar face.

"stop that." matt chuckles and tugs your wrist gently. you almost get nervous this time when you look him in the eyes. when he's drunk, matt is so carefree and giggly in a way you rarely get to see. and now you’re starting to notice how the poor lighting makes his features appear arched and his face look carved into, yet the jagged becomes soft and fuzzy whenever the gumdrop-colored lights of the wii game hit his face with the beat of the song. he notices your staring and lets go of your wrist, "what's up?"

"nothing."

"excuse me everyone! i would like to give a speech! hello, i am giving a speechhh! everyone shut up, please!" nick projects his voice into the microphone- he stole from the karaoke machine -while standing on a dining room chair.

as people start to calm down nick speaks, "right, so, it's my fuckin' birthday!” he raises his arms and dances his fingers before pointing out matt, “and it's matt's fuckin' birthday, right over there! let's get some flashlights pointing over to my brother please!" matt’s face flushes as he covers his eyes from the sudden bright lights. you squint your own eyes from next to him and move closer to eli to avoid the flashes.

"and it's chris' fuckin' birthday..." nick looks around, "i couldn't tell you where exactly he is, just know that he is also here tonight!” the crowd roars, “anyway... i'm so- so happy to have you all with us tonight to celebrate. we turn twenty fucking three and... that feels so old saying it out loud. holy shit." nick cringes obnoxiously, slurring his next few words, "but i love my two best friends in the whole world: chris and matt, i wouldn’t wish to share a birthday with anyone else… and i love all of you thank you again. oh! and shout out nathan for holding this shit down! if you see nathan give him something... i don't know- money? a kiss? a drink? fuck if i know." as nick speaks cameron nudges him with a shot glass which he finally acknowledges, "and apparently this is a toast now so, you know, here's to getting older and having the most fun forever!" he raises the glass in the air and drinks it without further thought, inviting everyone to do the same while cheering and applauding him in excitement.

you raise your wine cooler and let out many cheers along with the rest, but of course matt ridicules you a little in jest, "really? you sit here and 'woo' while i'm going blind?!" he’s still wiping at his eyes, dealing with the aftermath of bright lights shining in his eyes; his vision tainted with faint blue and red splotches only for a second. you lean closer to him, attempting to see his eyes better while uncontrollably laughing.

"are you crying?!"

matt thinks you look really pretty even when you're quite literally pointing and laughing in his face. you move his hands away from his face and he widens his eyes dramatically, "look, no 'm not!” you shake your head in response, “does really it look like it?"

you notice his bottom eyelashes are slightly clumped and you move your hand closer, placing your thumb under his eye, "baby, that's damp!" you giggle and pull his hand close, using your thumb to draw a wet line across his tattooed wrist to prove your point.

he drags out his first word, "alrighttt. whatever! you got me, sweet girl. ‘cause god forbid i have the ability to cry?!” pulling away from you with a smile as he dries his eyes by rubbing them gently.

matt excuses himself with a quick "gonna go grab another drink or somethin'" before he does something irrational like kiss you in front of all these fucking people.

౨ৎ

you carefully open each of the packaged cakes, each revealing the boys' full names written in cursive with the uniquely styled and colored buttercream frosting you made that very morning. you used the same shades to make the puffed frosting border of the cakes, for an easy, soft garnish. remi follows behind you, lighting candles on the cakes as you go.

there's a chaos that comes with trying to gather this many (drunk) people in one area and capture their attention long enough to sing then cut cakes. it doesn’t help that the hosts are at their most unserious themselves; matt and nick both snickering and making jokes while holding onto each other while chris talks to one of his friends off to the side with his obnoxiously loud voice without regard for anyone around him.

“okay, people we’re singing!” nathan attempts to yell over the loudness of the crowded room. you and remi are then in the position of getting the attention of the birthday boys who can’t focus on the task at hand, leaving you both to snap your fingers and call them as if you were attempting to take photos of a stubborn baby.

you truly wish it didn’t irk you so terribly but you can’t help your annoyance when matt looks over to erin after she shouts from next to you, “matt, can you pay attention? your cake’s ready,” and he listens, moving nick off of him with a shoulder nudge and laugh as he approaches the row of cakes.

you recover quickly with a smile once both matt and nick’s eyes widen and mouths hang open in awe of your hard work, “s’perfect,” matt whispers to himself, now adjusting his hat to fit backwards.

“oh my god, the wax got in my cake! what the fuck,” nick whines and that cues drea to tug chris’ arm softly and urge him with a hushed, “chris ven aquí (come here)!”

and he's is down so terribly that he moves to where she wants him immediately.

chris is a known sap, especially when wasted, so he’s stood fighting the urge to cry when taking in the scene in front of him: his brothers and friends gathered together to celebrate their twenty three years of life together.

he tucks his lip into his mouth and looks down at the burning flame, slowly smiling when everyone around them begin to sing a rendition of happy birthday with all the charmingly bad high notes and run on “you”s but not forgetting to crunch all three names into a single line.

midway through the song, chris leans to hug matt in comfort while sneaking a reach into matt’s back pocket to grab the slim joint he just knew would be there. he grins to himself, “sweet! free j and free light,” placing it into his mouth as he leans over his cake to spark the joint hanging in his mouth with as much precision as possible. andrea shakes her head in confusion while filming on her phone beside to you.

“dude,” matt lets out a breathy laugh while waving his hand to clear the atmosphere of the potent smoke. sudden applause recognizing the end of the song and leading the three to blow out their candles.

matt gave up on birthday wishes a while into his teen years and nothing changes this year; he blows his candles out and claps along with the crowd before accepting his joint from chris for a few puffs of celebration.

you watch in amusement as nathan distracts the boys with shots to get them away from the cakes as andrea begins to cut. except no shot could beat the view of andrea bent over the counter like she is now, so chris is practically on top of drea with annoying whines of “i wanna see,” when she asks him to be careful and wait a second.

you, however, are actively searching for the spiked punch that elijah recommended when you run into erin and matt talking. they both look to you with different expressions as you squeeze yourself by them to get to the punch bowl.

you remind yourself that erin is your friend, not your enemy. nor your competition. meaning you also have to remind yourself that matt is some guy you fuck around with, not your boyfriend.

you let out a breath you hadn’t realized you were holding in while grabbing a plastic cup and using a small ladle to pour the peach colored liquid for yourself. instead of flat-out staring at the two, you take turns looking from them to your cup. you watch as they pose for a picture; erin taking his hat to place on her own head and matt smiling next to her. and another with her kissing his cheek as he laughs.

it’s upsetting- no, humiliating to you. and how especially humiliating that your first thought is whether he’ll dismiss you for erin when you ask him to fuck you later tonight? you blame the weed for getting you so worked up over minutiae interactions.

you’re brought out of your daze in the most humbling of ways: a sudden splash hits your bare foot and covers your black kitten heels in the sticky juice. “fuck,” you groan and place the ladle back into the punch bowl, taking a large sip of your overflowing drink as you look down at the puddle of pink you’re standing in.

you find a towel laying nearby and lower yourself to fumble and wipe your shoe.

“damn y/n, you like my punch that much?” a voice asks from next to you.

you look up and see lucas smiling down at you, “you made it?” you ask genuinely as he helps you rise to standing again.

“no,” he smiles and you roll your eyes, “but im wondering how you managed to spill any with this itty bitty fucking ladle?” he jokes, lifting the ladle and watching it pour the small bit of juice it managed to gather back into the bowl.

“i just wasn’t paying attention,” you laugh and sip your drink again.

“mhm…why’s that?” he squints his eyes down at you.

you tap two of your french tip fingernails against your skull, “so much is happening up here.”

“like what?”

“i don’t knowww,” you smirk and look away to take another sip of your drink.

“well, i know you look sexy as fuck in this dress right now. look at you,” he wets his lips and offers his hand to you with a grin, showing off a few of his shining tooth gems.

you try to maintain your composure and not smile too big but it’s a challenge when he playfully gets you to spin slowly for him and show off the tiny strapless dress you have on as he “oouu”s and whistles to hype you up.

“mm, you like that?” you look up at him, blinking slowly.

he nods and chuckles, “you know damn well-” looking off to the side then gaining your eye contact once more as he wipes over his mouth with his hand, glancing over your body, “‘course i do.”

"good. we should dance then," you guide him to the living room with his hand still in yours.

౨ৎ

you hate to be the bitch on her phone at a party but you can’t stop staring at it. you tap past the story then go back to look again. you even rewatch it in the perspective of someone who hadn’t been there to see the photo taken to see how it would be perceived. hurting your own feelings knowing they could very well assume matt to be erin’s boyfriend with how close they’re standing and her lips against his face.

it’s very dizzying and ruining your high quite a bit, especially paired with andrea who continues to look to you to celebrate after every ping pong ball she throws whether she makes it or not.

you go to rewatch the story once more, only this time a text from matt slides down on your screen to interrupt your sulking:

MATT

Hey come here

Y/N

where???

MATT

Outside youll see me

you let andrea know you’re going outside for air before walking over to a glass sliding door to let yourself out.

you see matt holding a stick while looking down at his phone, fire pit radiating next to him, a mass of people surrounding it.

your arms wrap and hold onto your shoulders as you walk closer, feeling the breeze rack through your body despite the internal heat from the many drinks you've had over the course of the night.

as you approach, asha gets up from her spot on nick's lap to give you a hug, "y/n! hiii." she pulls away and her hands remain on your shoulders, "your cake was so delicious, i tried a bite of each."

"oh good, 'm glad." you smile.

she feels your hands, "are you cold, babe? come sit." she guides you over to the group of people sat around the fire. "you can take my spot, i'll stand," she insists and nick agrees smiling kindly.

you interrupt matt's texting to figure out why he wanted you here, cupping your hands to shout, "matt!" across the lawn from your spot atop nick.

he looks over and quips his head while moving closer, "hey, was just wonderin' if you'd try my s'more? nick thinks he makes them best." he smiles but you can't help but feel that there's a catch to this.

"always gotta prove someone wrong. yeah, i'll do it." you agree as he moves to grab the snack he'd apparently already prepared.

nick mutters, "don't let him bully you into liking his, and don't forget who's acting as your chair currently!" from behind you as you giggle into the bite that matt gives you, holding the smore in his hand up to your mouth.

you chew slowly and matt watches, chatter and crinkles of the fire filling the heated space. you finally nod your head and matt smirks, "so good, right?" matt asks and brings his hand to hold your face and wipe around the corner of your mouth, looking to his right with a smile then back to you.

you feel awkwardly and unnaturally sensual, moving his hand away from your face and searching for what he's looked over to, catching the eye of lucas, standing with a group of guys lighting up near a fence. so that is the fucking catch.

you lick your lips of any remaining marshmallow and shake your head, annoyed, "i don't know, it tastes normal and graham cracker is fucking stale." you look up at him and his face is adorned with confusion on your change of heart.

you feel too fucking weird about this. you wish you couldn't believe that he'd use your feelings towards him for some weird shit like claiming you from lucas, but it's not surprising in the slightest; matt wants his cake yet he'll always want to eat it too.

"yeah, nick wins." you pat the side of nick's thigh to grab his attention and tell him the news, making him cheer and bring you into his chest for a small hug.

matt's lips form the smallest pucker as he watches you get up and walk towards the house without further conversation.

"bye, y/n!" asha yells.

౨ৎ

matt lays flat on his bed, staring up at the ceiling to try and organize his many thoughts when his door creaks slightly, allowing a roar of party chatter into his space before it shuts again.

he lifts only his head up to see erin stood with a small smile before letting himself fall back into his plush comforter, "hey, i got your shit in the first drawer over there." he points to a tall dresser across the room.

he listens to her shuffle around before finding a large bag of weed, coming close to him and placing a few folded bills in his front pocket slowly. she then moves so that she hovers over his dazed face, "thank you, are you sure you don't need anything else from me? it is your birthday..." she grins and runs a hand over his chest. he mimics her smile (intended in more of a mocking way than she takes it) and laughs softly.

"no, i'm good on that, e. you enjoy your doobies and shit," he continues to softly laugh, eyes crinkling at the sides before she thanks him again and gives him a small peck.

"happy birthday, matty!" she sings before closing the door to his room and heading straight to his bathroom next door to pee.

matt would say it hasn't even been four minutes since erin left him when you're stumbling into his room. he repeats his look up, only to soften a bit when he sees you make effort to move some of his shoes out of the walkway so that you don't trip, "hi, baby" he waves you over with his fingers and welcomes you as if you'll be staying for long, "lock that door for me." he figures if you came to see him after storming away like that at the fire pit you're either gonna spit your thoughts in his face or sit on his face, there's no in between.

"i found you," you smile and twist the smaller knob to lock the door from the rowdiness. you then make your way over to sit at the end of his bed and begin to fiddle with the straps on your tiny heels, "my feet have been achin' so bad," you look at him as you complain.

"mm, i'm sure."

when your feet are finally free from your shoes you place them on the ground and adjust yourself on the bed. you silently grimace seeing matt with his shoes remaining on his feet despite being on his bed.

he giggles when you begin to unlace them, "feel like a fuckin' princess."

you roll your eyes and begin to pull them off, "with the way you act you might as well be one."

"ouch? it's my birthday," he holds his heart while looking to you playfully.

you tilt your head and drop his second shoe right on the floor as you stare back at him, "oh, i know."

"right. what's wrong now?"

you run your hands along his legs as you inch up his body and hover yourself over his crotch, "nothing. everything's fine, right?" you adjust your hair away from your face.

"sure, uh huh," matt looks up at you and bites his lower lip while moving his hands to hold and squeeze your full thighs. he silently admires the way you fill that tiny dress and look down at him from this angle.

you look away for a moment then decide to put your full weight onto matt, muffled groan leaving his mouth. your lips curve up as you pull his bottom lip from his mouth with your thumb to replace it with your mouth, sucking and kissing it. your tongue runs over his lips a few times before matt takes hold of your head and pulls you impossibly closer to capture your mouth messily with his own.

the kiss is a filthy, drunken sight: noses meshing and colliding, tongues playing and licking, and moans escaping and ringing into the air desperately.

you pull away with a wet smack and whisper into his lips, "i've got another present for you..."

"mmm?" his eyes widen and he squeezes your neck gently, kissing you once more, "for real? like, more than this?!" his hand feathers over your ass, insinuating the way you're sat on top of him right now could easily be his best gift tonight.

"yes," you breathe then begin to giggle, "you're gonna lose your shit, i think."

his mind can think of a lot of things you could do to make him lose his shit, "damn, okay. well, show me. you got my stomach dancin' and shit." he holds you so that you stay put as he lifts himself to rest on his elbows.

your smile bites over your bottom lip now as you raise yourself from his lap once more. your nail taps against your upper thigh as you look down at him, "kiss, please?"

he doesn't have to move much, as your leg is already so close to his face. he keeps heated eye contact with you when he kisses and marks the skin you'd point to, causing small mindless noises to fall from your mouth as you play with his soft hair (that you unfortunately hadn't seen much of tonight).

when he's finished he looks up to you with his red, puffy eyes and wet lips as you thank him, "now...pay attention." you gently demand as you slowly move your dress up your body.

matt studies your movement in awe, eventually catching your gift in his line of sight. he knows you must think you're so sneaky when you only show a glimmer of your lacy white panties, with a cursive red "M" embroidered near the waistband, before quickly pushing your dress back down with an uncontrollable laugh.

matt's face morphs to express a million different emotions and he doesn't realize how loud his voice is when he speaks, "what the fuck?!" he looks up at you- with your head thrown back laughing -then back to your covered lower half. "what was that? hold the fuck on," you body is so loose with laughter that he easily grabs you and flips you onto the bed so that you lay underneath him, still squirming in your own giggles (yelling a few "matt!"s or "matt wait i can't breathe!"s).

his face is full of amusement when he firmly lifts your dress to get a better look at what you've done for him. "oh my god, 'm gonna pass the fuck out. look at you, sunny!" he rubs his eyes dramatically and shakes his head. "no, you're so bad."

"you like it?" you ask, licking over your lips and reaching your hands up to trace the small hairs prickling on matt's jawline.

"course i do, the fuck type of question is that?!" he turns his face to kiss your inner palm before bending closer to kiss your lips once more.

"happy birthday, matt." you say in between kisses, "there's somethin' else if you look a little more."

"really?" he immediately splits from you and looks to your panties once more, running his hands over your lower stomach. the cherry red joint laying against your hip and tucked into your underwear catches him by surprise but the stoner in him nearly cums on the spot.

he removes it from it's place and kisses you mumbling a reminder that "you're so hot" and "the marijuana bug must've bit you real bad" before he gets up to store it in his bedside table, patting the closed drawer and joking, "for when i miss you."

he stands above you for an extra second to shake his head slowly with a tut, but when you whine "c'mereee," he's hushing you and removing his shirt before crawling back on top of you.

your hands run across every inch of his warm torso as you both sloppily kiss, and matt's own hands curiously make their way into your underwear for a proper feel of your wet core.

he allows you to desperately grind your hips against his hand until he eventually decides he needs to taste you. he lowers himself to face your clothed pussy, tracing the "M" with a finger as he places his tongue flat against you and places pressure on your most sensitive area.

his finger once tracing, now moves to pull the tiny piece of fabric off of you. he looks into your eyes as he easily stuffs the cloth in his back pocket, mumbling "mine now" while moving his fingers through your sticky folds.

you cry out when he dips two fingers into you teasingly, over and over again, and another series of moans leaves your mouth when he begins to lick over your clit eagerly.

matt continues his efforts, spitting on your clit a few times to watch it drip down to where his fingers harshly move inside of you; his movements quickening while he watches.

and just before you cum you dumbly warn him, which makes him stop entirely. "no, matt. stop, please come back. please."

"shhh. don't start that shit, you'll cum twice on your day..." he unbuttons his pants, "plus, you know it feels so much better when you wait and have to chase it a few times." he smirks and nudges your clit with his finger once more making you breathe out a moan and close your legs around his hand.

he pulls away from you to finish undressing before laying back dowm in his tight boxers, "come take care of me, sunny. i need you."

"hm...and i needed you too..." you lift yourself up and pout as you climb off the bed and get closer to where he lies, turning and moving your hair away for your back, "unzip me, please?"

he does just as you say and watches you finish removing your dress in only one movement. when you climb on top of him he now gets a view of your tits directly in his face that has him humming and immediately feeling you up.

he kisses and licks the skin while you scratch at his scalp in the most sensual way. you reach behind you to dip your hand into his boxers, immediately coming in contact with his sensitive and slightly sticky tip. he tilts his head back with a groan as soon as you begin to stroke him beneath the fabric making a sinical smile form on your face.

you push the boxers further down his thighs to fully expose him as you bring your lips down to him again. his moans flow into your mouth when you repeatedly rush your movements then slowly circle his head.

eventually matt's eyebrows pinch in terribly tight and he grabs your hand, sighing, "god damn, baby. chill or i'll be cummin' before i'm inside you."

you roll your eyes playfully, "okay?" as you adjust yourself to align over his length, before sinking down on top of him.

"mmm, fuck." he encourages when you lift yourself and slam back down on top of him. you move his hands to hold your hips then spread your hands over his chest as you continue.

matt can't help but slap your ass a few times after discovering the way your muscles flutter around him so perfectly each time. but one smack in particular aids you to practically fall onto his chest whining, "matt i can't, please just-."

he immediately lifts your face to give him a much needed kiss before reaching to realign himself and hold onto you as he thrusts rhythmically into you.

moans sneak from your mouth and interrupt you from kissing and holding onto matt's neck, which only encourage matt until he's completely flustered and drilling into you sloppily.

matt can tell you're cumming by your all too and familiar broken moans. and once you harshly kiss him and ask him to let go in return he finally stills inside of you and groans into your soft shoulder.

a silence coats the room, leaving the overpowering music and talking of the party to linger through the air in a cloudy murmur.

matt keeps his arms around you while you recover from your high, staring at the ceiling of his faintly lit room in questionable thought.

and he assumes you must be doing the same; only he mistakes the wetness of your tears for his own sweat as you turn your head away from him to dissolve your embarrassingly shaky breaths.

꩜⋆ ˚｡⋆🎱˚

tag list is in the replies ily!!!!

[sunnyfoxsstuff]

Hey guy's! >:D New chapter today cuz i decided its Time that i right lol

Chapter 7:(idk tbh)

Qingxuan had went outside to take some fresh air After lastnight, walking more away into the forest

He xuan on his side was making breakfast being a bit distant thinking he caused this nightmare to him he may be dead and a Ghost now but it wont erase what he went through because he xuan's and shi wudu's action's

After some hour's around in the afternoon he xuan decided to talk to him but not about what happened but about more Ghost stuff

SQX:"what? You're gonna teach me? Teach me what?" Tilting his head confused After all he's a grown man

HX:"yes, i dont know if you noticed but pretty much any ghost's have something..'special' like their animal features or well for me controlling water ghost's usually find out what their 'special' thing is soon after having their body's materialised but since you're kind of, a peacefull Ghost." Crossing his arm's shutting his eye's "we'll have to find it by trying anything out After all a Ghost life isnt all happy one day you'll probably get attacked and i cant Always bé there," he stopped looking at sqx

SQX:"why would you want to always be there for me he xiong? Im sure i can learn it easy it'll be a piece of cake!" Lifting his fist's to his chest enthusiast and sure of himself

He xuan looked away to think, qingxuan creeped closer poking his cheek like old time's

SQX:"what are yooouu thinking?"

He xuan just turned his head looking at him "nothing, stop poking me its not Time for this." He sighed while sqx chuckled with a bright smile

HX:"what's so funny?"

SQX:"your face is funny, and squishy"

This Time he xuan grabbed his hand so he stops poking him continuing with "i think we should go shopping again"

Looking confused "sure if you want"

With that he xuan dragged sqx by the hand back to the market where jewel's and clothe's sort of thing's are

SQX:"y'know you Can let go of my hand i wont trip my leg doesnt hurt and its not like i'll run away either, also why are we back here"

Hx ignoring continuing to walk stopping infront a fan selling shop "choose one think of it as like a gift from me"

SQX:"he xiong you're acting weird today are you ok? Do you have a fiever?" Gettin infront of he xuan putting his free hand on his forehead

HX:"i aint sick i just had an idea beside's you're not gonna refuse a fan right? I know how you loved to use that thing everytime you would dance to summon the air"

SQX:"fine but let go of my hand"

After that sqx looked at all of the fan's he loved some but nothing felt like his past fan's he would buy some pretty fan's use them one Time and go back to the fan him and his brother had it was the only one he needed the only one he wanted but that same fan had got teared up by the same person that's right beside's him

SQX:"i dont really want any of them..i liked the old one"

HX:"you still like it even After your own brother who gave you it tried to kill you?"

SQX:"maybe he had a good reason?" Looking at he xuan which he Saw scoff probably by annoyance

Since sqx refused to buy any they had went back home After a walk around for the next day's he xuan would be busy going back to his territory sqx would wonder why he goes away for so long but he didnt dared to ask and just stay silent he still had xie lian's company he also counted hua cheng but it was clear as day that he was around only for his majesty

That night After walkin home sqx saw from a far he xuan's silhouette in the filled full of flower's with the full Moon and their house behind it seemed like he xuan had been waiting him

SQX:"what are you doing here at this hour alone? I mean beside's me i Always see you alone hehe-"

HX:"i just thought you'd be home more early and i got a gift for you" handing a fan with black silver ish detail's

Sqx took the fan openning it seeing that its his old fan a bright smile grew on his face hugging he xuan out of happiness

SQX:"ah sorry no hug's" he said but he xuan hugged back a bit which surprised sqx

HX:"..sorry for last time at the market when i got mad you're just really annoying sometime's"

SQX:"he xiong! That's not a way to apologies!..but its fine i forgive you dont worry about it your really silly sometimes he xiong" laughing

HX:"im not silly, anyway's i made diner alone since you werent there yet Come on"

Yoooo! I loved writing this chapter he'll probably will never have a title i Hope you all will love it just as much as i did!

[agi-ppangx]

💭it's all good now

pairing: seo changbin x fem!reader

word count: 693

tags: non idol au, estabilished relationship, pregnancy, angst, fluff

warnings: mentions of difficult pregnancy, the reader is scared of loosing her child, a bit of crying, fluffy ending

author's note: i feel kinda weird writing something about being pregnant since i dont want to have kids myself, but today i saw my cousin and her fiancé with their son and this idea popped in my head, so here it is!! feedback and reblogs highly appreciated 🫶🏽

when you found out you were pregnant, you were beyond happy. starting a family with your fiancé was something you had dreamed about for a long time. at the beginning, everything was great, your morning sickness didn't really bother you and the baby was developing correctly. however, it all started to go wrong when you were about to enter the second trimester. your condition was getting worse and the pregnancy was at risk. you had spent several weeks in a hospital, praying for your baby to be healthy and strong. you became severely anxious and even after returning home from the hospital you were very cautious.

your daughter had been born in the eighth month of pregnancy, which forced you to stay with her in the hospital for another couple of weeks. after many tests, it turned out she was healthy, so you could take her home.

but even if you knew she was okay, your anxiety grew with every passing day. whenever you heard her cry you would rush to the nursery, praying that she was just hungry.

and changbin was there with you throughout the whole time, reassuring you that everything will be fine, even if he was quite scared himself. he would stay all night by your hospital bed, gently holding your hand and caressing your cheek. and he would drive you to all the tests, making sure you had someone by your side to minimise your stress level. your were truly grateful for him. he was your biggest rock, taking care of you and for your daughter after she was born.

now it was a whole month since your baby was born. when you woke up at 4 in the morning hearing her cry, you immediately got up and rushed to her nursery. please be fine, please be fine you murmured under your nose. you ran into the room with a pounding heart just to find your daughter in changbin's arms. "hey" he whispered, looking at you with concern. "i have changed her diaper already, but i think she's hungry" he stated and you took her in your arms, rocking her gently and murmuring softly. you sat comfortably in your chair and started feeding her. changbin crouched in front of you and tried to make eye contact with you, but you were too focused on your daughter, now silent and content. "y/n" he whispered to catch your attention. "everything fine?" changbin questioned. you sighed shakily, trying not to tear up. "yeah, it's just… i'm still scared about her. i know that she's fine and i should relax, but i just cannot get rid of these thoughts of her not being fine" you said in one breath, quietly enough not to disturb the baby. changbin placed his hand on your knee, caressing it gently and collecting thoughts. "i'm scared too" he said eventually. "i'm scared and my thoughts are racing and i can't stop it. but i want to believe that future is brighter than the past. we have suffered so much already, especially you two. and i want to cry just by thinking about these times. but i also want to believe that everything what's bad has passed and now it'll only get better. it's all good now sweetheart. you're okay and our baby is okay as well" changbin stated. you started to tear up and you couldn't even wipe away the tears that have fallen. but you had changbin, who did it for you. you smiled when you saw him tear up as well.

when your daughter was fed you put her to sleep and dragged yourself to your bedroom. changbin was waiting there for you, ready to cuddle you and kiss your anxiety away. "thank you binnie" you said when you laid your body in his arms. "anything for my favourite girls on this planet" he kissed the crown of your head and you hummed in content. changbin made you feel safe. he was always there for you, knowing exactly what you needed and what words to use to make you cheer up. and you were beyond happy that he was the father of your baby.

[yeonlust]

best friends to lovers , cyj

pairing: yeonjun x gn!reader word count: four hundred and ninety

so for yeonjun, i think it’s less of a “we’ve been best friends since we were little” and more of a “we met here and have been close ever since” kind of thing.

part of me feels like he would have lowkey been interested in you since the beginning but was waiting to tell you later in the friendship so he could kinda map out how he thinks you feel over time

but little does he know you've always been interested in him since the moment you met and you were not gonna pass up the opportunity to at least be friends with him

with the both of you finding out each other's feelings, it would happen randomly and i feel like there are two ways this could go.

one, you're both watching a movie together or just hanging out one night and yeonjun just can't take his eyes off of you

you notice and look over at him and he just kind of blurts out his feelings..

it'll probably be silent for a second because you need to take in what the fuck just happened, meanwhile yeonjun is absolutely panicking on the inside

he starts to apologize but then you just interrupt him and tell him you feel the same way

he will just kiss you after that because he's been WAITING for this shit

after that, i feel like the two of you could just not stay off of each other

whether it be you literally just kiss until you can't anymore (because who would pass up kissing yeonjun forever until you physically can't)

or you just get all cuddled up together and just stay like that <333

okay. scenario number two

honestly, the two of you could be doing anything

and yeonjun just decides he's had enough and he literally just kisses you

like he really just goes for it

no confession, nothing. just desperate at this point to have his lips on yours

obviously you are shocked at first and just stiffen up a bit

but then you realize that this is really happening

so you kiss him back and he just smiles into the kiss

literally the biggest happiest smile (i can't </33)

he'll just pull your body tight against his and will not let you go because he's so happy to know you feel the same after all this time

either way, yeonjun will be very happy once he finds out you like him too and will be very clingy

will hold onto this excitement (and you) for as long as he can

he wants to make up for lost time.

he would be the best boyfriend

since the two of you are best friends, he already knows everything about you

what you like, what you dont

he would just make it feel so easy

would do anything for you because he finally has you

and then you're stuck with him for life <3

[snow-143]

Water Coloured Tears | Jeon Jungkook

three- drunken rambles (0.5k words)

Jungkook’s pov:

7am. Soft light is shining through my curtains, blinding my dry eyes a little. God, what did I do last night? Searching for my phone, I'm a little shocked when I find it still open. On a call with...

with y/n? The fuck? 

Well this is far worse than anything else I was thinking. Great job Kook. So much for keeping your distance. Who am I kidding, that plan was catapulted out of the window when Miss fuckface paired us together.

Sighing I unlock my phone, hoping whatever I find on there will enlighten me on my thought process. 

And what do you know, it opens right into my notes app, with a lengthy paragraph. This should be good. 

It takes me a little longer than I'd like to admit to be able to understand the words I had written down. My drunken rambles and the current state of my vision don't seem to mix well. Who would've thought?

-I asaw her today agsim. MY chets hurt. She didnt seem happy to see me :( I was a meanie. She so prety when she mad tho. Wantd to squish her cheks. But noooo av got to be an IDIOT! Kookie IK your reeding this. YOURE AN IDIOT. shld i text her? i should. im smart unlik you!

shes not replyng. Does she hate me? I'm sorry :( it just hurts to see you love. i wish i cud tell you al of this. but itll hrt you even more. i dont wanna hurt u. i dont wana hurt. i sould call her? shes saw? seen? idk but she red the mesage. im gonna call her.

SHE ANSERED! kook she answerd we were scared for nothing. her voive so prety. I missed her voice. I miss her.

JEOM JUNGKOOK YOU BETTR NOT FORGER TO MEEET HER. CAFE 2PM. DOT BE PUSSY.

so stupid. gonna apolisse. shes so quite.

she said irs okay :( ts not okay. i know its not. was noce to hear tho. its okay :)

m so sleepy. so noce to talk again tho nixkxk njuhi-

Well that was a hard read. 

She stayed on the call after I fell asleep? Sighing I roll over and try and get some more sleep. Not hanging up the call. 

----------------

12pm. Safe to say my attempt to sleep off my hangover didn't work. Unless you count me lying in bed listening to her soft breaths until my phone died. Best part is I was about to finally pass out right when I realised her little sighs had been cut off. 

That was 9am. Three hours ago. Three whole hours of me stressing out about what I'm meant to do. 

I could just not show up and say I didn't remember, even I know that's too far. I'll have to face her eventually anyway. She probably won't even show up. Right? Right. It'll be fine. I'll go just in case. 

It's okay. The words do laps around my head the whole time I'm waiting for her. Yes waiting. I showed up an hour early. Like some over exited loser.

I wonder how she said it. Was she being genuine? Was it half hearted words fuelled by pity?

That's something I may never know, but right now I know that she's walking directly towards me. Shit. Shit. SHIT.

prev | m.list | next

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a/n: stressed asf lately so bare with me guys 🙏

[kilibaggins]

Rough Day? | Gabriel Stokes

gabriel stokes x reader

Request From @kittennonbinary: hey, i'm wondering if you could write something cute about gabriel stokes, where his s/o had a terrible day and need cuddles, kisses, words of affirmation and being hold while sleep, please make it cute as possible, i really need cute gabe

A/N: EEEE this is my first time writing gabriel even though i literally love him so so much! hes one of my favorites and i dont see that much content for him anywhere so im happy to add to it! thank you so much for the request!!! feel free to request more if you want for gabe or other characters! i hope i did it justice!

Warnings: crying, mentions of death, fighting, stress, and i think that's it? none of the death or fighting is specifically about anyone it's just mentioned as a stresser. gabriel hums a christian song but its not really that prominent in the story.

Word Count: 979

You walk through the door, quickly taking off your coat and hanging up with a huff. You pull off your weapons and put them next to the door. Each time you put something down it makes a loud noise because of how hard you do it. When that's done you walk into the kitchen and grab a glass. You fill it up and take a big drink before putting it back down and leaning against the counter, sighing softly. Today's been… A rough day. Every day in the apocalypse is a rough day, but sometimes it just gets unbearable.

You have to take a deep breath to stop yourself from crying. Crying isn't going to fix your issues even if it'll make you feel better. The constant struggles, the death, and the fights between your own people, it's weighing on you constantly. Not many people have died lately, thankfully, but even so, it feels so suffocating knowing that it's a possibility. You can't stop it as a few tears flow down your face and you groan, annoyed. Annoyed with your feelings, with yourself, with everything.

"Rough day, huh?"

You look up to see Gabriel, who looks more relaxed than he normally does in a white T-Shirt and black pants. He walks towards you slowly, smiling gently at you. His smile always makes you relax a bit.

"Yeah," You say simply. He steps up to you and gently lays his hands on your waist. You lean forward and rest your head on his chest.

"You're okay now, Y/N," Gabriel says, bringing his arms up and around you. He gently squeezes you and you try to hold back your emotions but can't. He softly hums to you, some church hymn he knows from before the apocalypse, and it calms you down. His singing, his humming, it always calms you no matter what it is. Even if you don't believe in whatever he's singing or humming about. "Come on, you need some rest."

You let him slowly walk with you to the bedroom, his arm around your shoulder. When you get in the room he gently sits you down on a chair before searching through his own clothes to get you something to wear. You smile when he pulls out the pair that he knows you like to wear when you're having a tough time. He's so gentle with you as he takes your shirt and pulls it off and puts on the fresh one. You smile when his eyes linger slightly.

"You like what you see?" You tease, and he smiles.

"Always. You're beautiful." He says, and he helps you pull off your shoes and pants as well. "You're wonderful."

You smile and watch him as he takes your dirty clothes and puts them in the hamper. He walks back over and gently runs his fingers down your face.

"Thank you." You say, thanking him for everything. He takes your hand and pulls you up off the chair and over to the bed.

"Of course, Y/N." He gently lays you down and steps away. You reach out and grab his hand.

"Wait!" You say, and he looks back at you, "Stay."

Gabriel smiles and leans down to kiss your forehead.

"Always, my love. I'll be back shortly. I'm getting you some water and fruit." Gabriel says, and you relax. "I'll be back soon."

Gabriel keeps to his word and in no time he's back in the room, a large glass of water and a small bowl of fruit in his hands. He comes over and sits on the bed, putting the bowl of fruit between the two of you. You sit up and he hands you the water.

"Where'd you get the fruit?" You ask, and Gabriel smiles jokingly.

"A magician never tells his secrets," Gabriel says, laughing. You laugh and shake your head.

"Is it magic or awesome priest-talking skills?" You tease, taking a fruit and eating it. Gabriel shakes his head and laughs.

"No, no, a few people owed me," Gabriel says, nodding. You laugh softly and lean against him, your head on his shoulder.

"Everyone owes you." You say earnestly and he smiles and kisses your head.

"I love you." He says, grabbing a piece of fruit and eating it. You smile and hum happily.

"I love you too…" You say, closing your eyes.

A few moments later, Gabriel holds out the bowl to you and bumps your hand with it. You open your eyes and take the last pieces of fruit out and put them in your mouth. Gabriel puts the bowl to the side and gives you your water again.

"Gabe, you don't have to mother-hen me." You tease and he brings his hand up to your face and gently traces the side of it.

"You deserve this. You deserve to be taken care of. You're worthy of every good thing… And right now life is hard and you might be having a difficult time, and maybe you've even made a few mistakes that you have a hard time forgiving yourself for… But we're human. And you? You're flawless in my eyes." Gabriel says, gently pulling you close. He lays the both of you down and pulls you to his chest. "I love you. You're the most important thing in this world."

You bury your face in his chest to hide how emotional his words have made you. Sometimes you really need to hear these things and Gabriel always knows when and how to say them. He's always there for you and he's always willing to listen and comfort you.

"I love you too, Gabriel." You say, wrapping your arm around his torso. "Thank you."

"For what, Y/N?" He asks, rubbing his hand up and down your back.

"For this. For being here for me, for everything… For loving me."

"Y/N, love, You make it easy."

You fall asleep in his arms feeling safe and loved.

[lesferatu]

I have read a lot of Welcome to Tumblr posts for reddit people and I agree with most of it but something I haven't seen has to do with tag etiquette. I've seen people say "do whatever" and I don't completely agree with that specifically. What they should say is "there is no specific tag for each community, so don't worry too hard about it and if you want to talk in the tags, that is more than encouraged" but there are a few rules

So here's some tagging guidelines:

Only tag what is relevant to the post at hand. If you have specific tags for organization of your blog, then you can use those. If you tag irrelevant stuff, not only is it super annoying and clogs up the tag but you will be reported for spam and that can get you banned. So chat and keysmash all you want but don't tag something that's trending to get more attention and dont mention characters in the thing you are talking about who arent mentioned in the post. The search function barely works as is on a good day, don't make it worse

If you are unsure what to tag, search what you are posting about and look at what other people are tagging. Keep the above rule in mind. You can save your post as a draft if you are in the middle of writing and can't search

If I remember correctly, the first 5 tags count for the search feature and the first 10 tags (? Could be 15) count for filtering tags, which is important for tagging spoilers and triggers, if you do that

On that note: Tag Spoilers for new media

If you do chat (which again is greatly encouraged and is, in fact, half the fun) remember that the person you reblog from and the original poster (or OP) will get a notification and will be sent your tags, so be respectful. You *are* yelling into the void but some of the void can read

I wouldn't use "prev tags" right now, since staff broke the ability to follow reblog chains easily, so it's hard to find what you are referring to. If you must talk to the person you are reblogging from, do something like "prev tags: [insert prev tags here]" or "[insert prev tags here] <- prev tags" in your tags then say what your going to say

And just cause I know this has been a problem in the past, if you are here for minecraft youtubers/streamers, Do Not tag your posts as "minecraft" or "mineblr". That tag is for people who play the game normally to share their builds and the like. Again, you can search the specific youtubers/streamer/smp to get the tag that most people use for that specific community or use "mcyt" to find the general stuff

And last but not least, you do not have to tag! It is a personal choice. It'll get your own posts to the people who might like it, some people like to organize their blog (not me lol,) and tagging spoilers is just common decency, but reblogs dont show in the search, only the og post, and you don't have to tag if you don't want to; the people who follow you/look at your blog will see your post and nobody else

Edit cause I just remembered this one: don't main tag hate. If you hate a ship and want to post about it, don't tag the ship. At least tag it as "[ship name] hate" or "[ship name] discourse" so people who like that ship don't have to stumble across it on the main tag and can filter it. Doesn't have to be a ship, could be a show or a hobby or a book. People who enjoy a thing have just as much right to have a good experience on here as you have a right to hate that thing. Stay civil, it's the only way this place is as chill as it is now (and I say that as someone who's been here since the beginning. Whatever drama you find on here now is Nothing compared to what it was on this hellsite (affectionate) before)

If you can think of anything else, please add, and if you have any questions, just ask!

[noisytenant]

my mother's physical abuse of me has gotten a lot worse, but then we inexplicably had a very nice weekend together and it makes me feel like i can't trust my own senses regarding her. i dont even hate her, i just need to be away from her. i had a couple bags packed and was ready to move several states away to be with my boyfriend (whose family had agreed to shelter me) but then they dropped out abruptly when they realized they couldnt afford to add an extra person to their household. im stuck and i feel very overwhelmed and i wish that the fastest possible solution had actually worked bc the longer i stay the more i feel my will to leave depleting. and what's worse is that i do have a lot of extended family in town but i dont think i can go to them on the offchance that they won't believe me/i dont wanna deepen the rift between my mom and them bc we still see each other every sunday... and quite frankly for that reason running to one of them wouldnt really be an escape bc we all live within a square mile of each other. im deeply conflicted and overwhelmed bc i know by leaving id hurt and scare a lot of people who dont deserve it, but at the same time i never want anyone to make me feel that worthless again. especially not my mother. being choked by your own mother is an existential nightmare for me in the truest sense of the word. i do have a backup plan with another good friend of mine, but it's going to take a lot longer, and i feel insanely overwhelmed and hurt. thank you for listening in advance

sorry to hear that, you're certainly in a difficult situation...

i didn't specify this before so you had no way of knowing, but in the future please ask before sending anons about heavy abuse/physical violence, because it can be triggering for me. i'm alright and feel okay about responding to you, i just wanted to set a precedent for the future. i think most bloggers would similarly appreciate a heads-up.

my longer response below the cut...

please take everything i say with a grain of salt. i'm just sharing the things that come to mind. i don't have extensive personal experience with the situation you're describing, so what i'm saying is based on observation, reading, etc. i'm not an expert and i can't really take responsibility for anything that comes from listening to me. i'm trying to be as thoughtful as i can here, but i may have blind spots. use your best judgment.

anyways...

abuse comes in phases, and it's really common for abusers to turn and become very nice for a moment. that doesn't negate the ways they hurt you and threaten your physical and emotional safety.

when you get distance from the abusers in your life, you realize that kindness without the threat of abuse is abundant. it hurts deeply to realize that someone you want to rely on for warmth and care isn't providing that without complementary pain, but time and distance allows you to grieve that and reconcile it in whatever way is best for you.

--

it seems like you're exploring a few avenues of escape, so i hope one of them pans out in the near future. waiting for change to come is the worst. believe that it'll be worth it in the end.

it's hard to open up to extended family. it seems like everyone's very close--maybe not on good terms, but seeing each other weekly is very high-contact. i can understand worrying about "rocking the boat".

that being said, you may be able to seek more closeness with some people, and get a vibe check on their perceptions of physical abuse, their ability to keep secrets, etc. if there's even one person you can open up to, it might help. maybe they can't house you, but they can let you sleep over if you have a bad night + can promise to keep your location a secret. every resource counts.

and if you think someone's trustworthy, and you open up to them, and they decide they want distance from your mother, that's their decision. basically, you don't need to shield your mother from the consequences of her own actions by remaining silent about your experiences. though if you think she will retaliate against you for it, exercise caution.

it can be hard to maintain hope, but i think reminding yourself of what you're working toward (physical and emotional safety, growth, peace) can help you sustain the will to leave. nobody deserves to feel, like you said, worthless. nobody deserves to be physically abused.

even if your mother becomes extremely kind for a few days, a week, or longer, i think you should trust that getting distance is important and necessary. as abusers push their warped perspective of the world onto you, they make it hard to see yourself and to think clearly. distance can lift the fog.

--

"i know my leaving will hurt and scare a lot of people who don't deserve it"... i do wonder if this is strictly the case. perhaps there are ways you can communicate your circumstances to the people that matter most to you while maintaining safety. and a lot of people are more understanding and patient than you might expect. i have little doubt you're trying to prevent collateral as much as possible. this is admirable, but don't overdo it.

i would encourage you to be okay with upsetting some people while you're doing what you need to survive and thrive. people may be hurt, confused, or scared in the moment, but i think people generally ought to consider good-faith reasons why something unexpected or hurtful would occur. and you may be surprised by the compassionate and thoughtful ways people respond when they learn of what's happening and why you left. being upset over one hurtful thing is very different than being upset because of repeated patterns of violence and abuse.

--

Another consideration for the moment, while you're still with her... I want to be really, really careful with my words here, because I don't know enough about your situation, and things that can protect someone in one situation can escalate or worsen things in others. But I did want to say, I think you have the right to defend yourself, physically and verbally.

Exercising these rights is sometimes safe and other times not, so use your best judgment. But I think sometimes we can feel helpless and forget our protective capacities. This is dependent a lot on things like your size and physical ability, but you may be able to do things like block your body, pull hands off you, or just walk/run away so as to escape further harm.

Maintain the goal of ending the interaction while minimizing injury. Self-defense doesn't need to be complicated martial arts maneuvers. It's your posture, words, and actions combined.

There are a lot of different self-defense strategies, from the pacifistic to "defense through offense". I wish I could tell you how to identify the perfect de-escalation and defense strategy, but I can't. Even people who study this stuff for a living don't have the perfect formula. Know that any effort is noble.

Anyways. In some circumstances, defending yourself gets people to think twice before trying to hurt you. Trying different ways of fighting back may allow you to gain back some control in your situation. But be careful, because sometimes it makes things worse.

I want to reiterate that you should assess your situation, and that I can't take responsibility for whatever happens. But I wanted to say this, as someone who sometimes "freezes" when feeling threatened. Sometimes just knowing you have the capacity to defend yourself, even when not exercising it, can help you stay grounded in the present.

--

If nothing else, trying to reclaim your emotional reality in your private thoughts can help you to get through the difficult times. "I don't deserve to be treated like this and I am doing what I can to change things for the better." Try not to let her wear down your innate understanding that you deserve safety and respect.

Good luck with it all </3

[y0urnewstepp4r3nt]

Trying my hand at the shovel talks. However, I really don't know how to write and can't stay in one point of view. So sorry about that it's probably annoy but enjoy.

_______________________________

Dustin and Mike

Steve walked into family video expecting to takeover for Keith and spend the next 5 hours being bored out of his mind. What he didn't expect, however, was the little shits bursting into family video as soon as Keith left.

"Steve we have to have a serious talk with you."

Henderson, of course it was, and Wheeler.

"What. What's so important that you barge in here for?"

Henderson had the nerve to look at mini Wheeler like he was already done with Steve.

"Well Steve, we're here cause you can't keep it in your pants and are now dating OUR DM. So if you screw this up like you did with Nancy and he gets sad we suffer. Don't hurt Eddie or we'll kill you."

Henderson just nods agreeing with Wheeler.

"I'm not gonna hurt him chill out."

"No Steve. Mike has a point, you're a resident heartbreaker in the worst way! You can't hurt Eddie because then we suffer aswell and maybe you need to realize that! When you hurt Eddie you'll hurt us. This isn't one of your hot girl dates that you dump with no consequences Steve!"

Before Steve could even open his mouth they had already left. Leaving him to think about what they said and if they really thought he was going to break Eddie's heart. Maybe Mike meant it, but maybe Dustin was just giving Steve a shovel talk first then he was going to Eddie's. That has to be it right? I mean they thought of each other as brother. Steve shrugged it off and continued his ghosttown shift, waiting for Robin to start.

-----------------

Robin

"Ohhh Steve-o! Guess who came to save you from boredom!"

Robin walked in and slammed her hands on the front counter.

"You'll never guess what happened today. Tammy freaking Tompson came and gave a speech about how much the school helped her achieve her Nashville dreams!"

That was definitely something, a Muppet preaching about her Muppet voice success, iconic.

"And you made googley eyes at her the entire time cause you love her muppet voice."

"Oh my god Steeeve! I tell you one time and you never let me live it down. Anyways before you head out as your best friend I have to tell you to be careful with Eddie because sometimes you move to fast and he might get the wrong idea and be hurt."

She's started rambling so Steve cuts her off, feeling a little hurt.

"Rob, I know it'll be fine I won't move too fast he won't get hurt. I'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

"Yeah, yeah good see you later dingus drive safe!"

Steve waves and walks to his car frowning. Did he really seem like someone who would hurt Eddie? Robin had a point, he would probably freak Eddie out with his loud love. Maybe he should have thought about that, months ago, before Eds asked him out.

______________

Lucas & Max

Steve was walking up to Eddie and Wayne's trailer when he heard red yell his name and give him a come here gesture. So he turned and jogged over to her and Sinclair. It'll be quick anyway.

"What's up Red, Sinclair."

"We just wanted to let you know that when Eddie feels sad he likes to play music loud. Like at max volume. So if you break his heart just know you'll have to face us."

"Jeez guys I'm not going to break his heart why are you so intense about it"

"Steve if your going to break his heart wait a month until the break so we dont fail."

They both ran back into red's house as Steve started his walk back to Eddie's trailer. At least they said if? That's gotta count for something right, after 3 other shovel talks, if seems pretty optimistic. So Steve walks into Eddie's trailer a little less energetic then when he first got out of the car, but it's fine. He'll be ok.

___________________

[mojavepumpkin]

wednesday, february 28th

3pm

today has been somewhat strange. i do think the feeling of needing constant internet stimulation is going away slowly. im happy with my screen time - 2 hours and 30 minutes on average. i think thats a good indicator of my success. i hope to make plans on thursday, that being the only day of the week that i'm free, though that is the day that the weather is projected to turn. i'll confer with L.

it has been very nice out. i love riding with my windows down, i dont understand people who dont. i think it says more about your personality then one might think at first. the good weather will change though. it is supposed to rain over the weekend, which is- of course- the least convenient time for it to. i will be in fernandina, i hope i can stay busy and maybe get outside despite the weather.

the day did not start on a particularly high note. i woke up tired, which sounds like an oxymoron, but has been the case for the past couple of days. that tired malaise permeated everything until i defrosted around lunchtime. i didn't eat lunch, just talked - not even about anything, but it did help with the tiredness.

i do not understand the math we're doing, and i have quite a lot of homework to do. i wish i wasn't a procrastinator, but oh well, i am. i need to do biology too.

T said he would take my shift friday and i hope he does, that would make everything easier. i cant count on that. actually, i might can count on it. pretty much just confirmed it as i'm writing this post. how ironic!

my lunch today was very good, i had it when i came home. my mom was home so she made it for me, which definitely makes the food itself taste better. my nephew is here for the day, he is very blond. i ate a sandwich.

i go to work in about an hour but i'm not particularly worried about it. P is there, so it'll work out fine, whatever happens. yesterday, though i did not write about it, was a good day. i dont know if it was at the time, but in hindsight it was. work was good. school went so fine that i dont remember what even happened in very much detail.

[vinnymauro]

fanfic tag game

tagged by @userbats & @spoookysix, thank you both!! sorry this took me days to complete

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7, soon to be 8 and more whenever i finish writing and editing.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

240,340 words across posted works.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

stranger things. bc as i told my mom, it's the only show i'm comfortable with bc of how many times i've watched it. i'd probably write ted lasso if i wasn't so painfully usamerican and anti sport.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

stranger i know so well at 150 kudos don’t, dont, don’t throw it away at 66 kudos pretty eyed, pirate smile at 52 kudos i will love you without any strings attached at 31 kudos tied me to you at 24 kudos

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

i didn't used to but i just started to! i felt ummm weird about it and self-conscious but now i just think it's nice to say thank you<3

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

i don't think i have one!! this one i'm currently writing might actually lmao.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhh i think all of mine are pretty happy tbh. i think the happiest is peps bc i have a headcanon they get married in the front yard of the house so chrissy and barb could be there. also yk halloween graveyard wedding bc nancy caved to eddie's whims.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

no, not outwardly. but i wouldn't be surprised since i write mostly about rarepairs that people hate<3

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

not really. i'll write smut adjacent things and lead ups but not the actual act, no.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i don't have one currently except for the stranger things x buffy the vampire slayer au that's in my head. i need another btvs rewatch (and to finish this one i'm on but i don't want to watch the last episode ya feel???) and to finish my other current wips. but all i have to say is nancy wheeler as the slayer uhhhh slays?

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of, no.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i have not but it'd be cool!!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

twice. one of my first ever oc fics i once started co-writing with a friend of mine during a sort of all nighter after watching the crow. it did not last long and i ended up writing some more of it myself. and another time with a friend back when i wrote hp fanfic (groans @ past) but that never finished.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

i don't know if i have one. i have fandom specific ones but an all time favorite is too much to ask!!

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

band fic you'll always be famous!!!!! (ronance one shot from it when????)

16. What are your writing strengths?

i think characterization is like the only thing i have going for me.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

grammar!!! tense switching for sure.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i usually try to stay away from it bc google translate isn't always to be trusted and then there's like regional specific translations and oof. i doubt myself even with saying like a word or two in a language i vaguely understand.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

i wrote bandfic when i started. mostly about good charlotte and mest. and occasionally early crackfic crossovers where all my favorite band people and skateboarders just uhhhh hung out... it made no sense but i was 11 so. embarrassingly enough the first non-band fic i wrote was harry potter. we all have to start somewhere i guess.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

peps. it'll always be my favorite ever.

no pressure tags: @stargyles, @rejectofsociety, @sweetpeapod & anyone who sees this and would like to do it<3

[sadpurpleblood]

Selam,

I'm writing to you regarding my previous ask and wanting to say that Andalusian Spanish deserves a fuckton of love. I may not know all the subtleties, but I approve of your love to the s-aspiration, although my own favourite will forever stay the phenomenon known as "ceceo" and the reasons for this make me wonder whether you had an obsession with any sound that doesn't exist in your native language as a child (perhaps it is a way-too-specific question, but oh well). And, well, I wish less people fell victims of

And if that particular part of my previous ask wasn't seen as intrusive, then... well, I must simply say that your feelings are valid, but I hope it'll get better for you at some point. After all, you do seem like someone who was destined to get peaches for free and laying on a beach without anything daring to bother you!

hello again!!

youre very right, and ceceo is definitely a very cool feature as well! the coronal fricatives are definitely a very dialect-dependent bunch, its fun how much variation there can be!

i dont think i had any sound i obsessed over as a kid that doesnt exist in my native language. maybe t͡ɬ and ʕ but that was only after i discovered the ipa, and i wouldnt count myself as a kid at that age (though im sure thatll change once im a few years older)

thanks for the kind wishes! and i do remember the peaches. that still hasnt happened yet but im not giving up heheh.

[pixeljade]

re: a reblog u made saying "If you are not fighting against republicans with every fiber of your being at this point you are not a trans ally. If you tolerate the republicans in your family without challenging their ideas about trans people you are not a trans ally. Fight for us goddamnit or we will be culled and our blood will be on your fucking hands."

I wanted to point out that I feel like this was a very harmful thing to say. As a black girl, fighting against republicans is very scary for me. Republicans (a lot of them are white men) are very racist and sexist, so me and a lot of others "fighting" them could put me in danger. Of course, this is true for a lot more than just black girls/women. Also, I feel like asking someone to challenge republican family members could get then kicked out as well, even if they're not trans. Just being openly allied to them could put you against your family members and threaten your safety.

I think that telling people who are scared or tired of fighting that they're transphobic and blaming them for the rampant transphobia won't make them act out, it'll just make them feel worse about themselves. We're not all activists, some of us are just people... people who are terrified. Anyways, thanks for reading!

Hey so

First of all you're misreading my whole damn thing here. Everyone seems to be actually so let me clarify

What I said does not translate to "You specifically, no matter your situation, HAVE TO challenge the people in your life". It translates to "You do not get to claim the Trans Ally title if you do not put in the damn effort to defend trans people".

Like. You're black right? To make a comparison (obv not a perfect one because different forms of oppression work differently, but bear with me here) this ask is like if I, a white person, went up to you saying "Hey so I never go out of my way to defend black people in my life or challenge racism, but I'm still considered anti-racist, because I said so!" Wouldnt that piss you off a little bit? For the record, I have fought for my black friends, and have been to Black Lives Matter protests and lifted up their voices and so on, but even then I dont believe I have the right to claim the title myself. Because, as a white person, I dont get to decide what "anti-racist" looks like. Y'all do, because you're the ones who are suffering from racism.

Same basic idea applies here. If you are cis, as I think is implied by this ask, you do not have the right to decide what qualifies you as a trans ally. Our lives are on the fucking line in this specific issue, and therefore it is our voices that count towards what allyship looks like.

Additionally, you seem to think this is a binary thing, where if you aren't a trans ally then you are transphobic, which is another thing that I did not say. No, you can be neither a trans ally or transphobic. You could be a neutral party. Now if that idea bothers you, because trans peoples lives are on the line and you decided not to help them out of fear of the risk that comes with it, thats your own thing to deal with. I do think its cowardly, to accept that trans lives are being threatened and to stay silent in fear, but honestly. We're all cowardly sometimes. Thats the nature of being human in such an era of fear. But ask yourself, are you okay with that cowardice? Are you okay watching people die knowing you could have risked yourself to save them? This is what I am trying to challenge people to question here. Because the fact is, that is exactly what will happen if people remain silent en masse. You can say "oh my condition is different, I have a REASON not to stand up and fight", but really, doesnt every single person alive have a reason not to? The risk alone is a reason! If we all just said "never risk yourself" then that would mean the fascist bullies that comprise the bulk of the Republican Party win, and therefore, that means that the rule of law is whatever they decide it is. Do you want to watch that happen and do nothing?

So there you have it. You're allowed to do nothing, you really are. And hell, I'm not even gonna go and make a moral judgment of you for it: I do think that morality is subjective and therefore if you decide its morally okay with you to stay silent then good for you. However I will not give you a cookie for doing bare minimum shit. I will not tolerate casual acceptance of those who are literally legislating away my existence. You do not get to call yourself a "trans ally" for doing nothing risky, you get to call yourself a "coward" instead. But hey, you're the one who has to live with that label. Me? I get to die with mine.

[cntarella]

re: re: grieving unloading is perfectly fine, i'm your space bro. not from a family of immigrants myself (I wouldn't count the Bahamas since it's a hop-skip-jump and all that) but living in a community of Hispanics/Afro Caribbeans, that shit eats at you. it's hard, and i have a sneaking suspicion that grief might be here to stay given all that's happening and all that's not happening. can't say it'll get better or to be happy or to keep pushin', but by the end of every day make sure you're a little satisfied at least with the way your living.

yes, i know what you mean exactly.

i used to work with a woman who did research on epigenetics and one of the things that fascinated me about it was the concept that our life experiences are encoded in our DNA in very real ways. people who starved create children who know in their bones what starving is. people who hurt create children who flinch on instinct, echoing the pain that's long past. everyone experiencing this moment right now i think will always carry it in a very real way.

which is why i dont rly begrudge anyone trying to live their life in whatever way they can. it would mean being angry at people i love too, who (through no real fault of their own) don't feel this issue as tangibly. but part of my grief i think is always going to be tied to the fact that bearing witness is what's important for me to do in this situation--to share in a little bit of that pain so that the people i know (and don't know) don't have to carry it all by themselves. which is such a sad state of affairs, it compounds the grief as much as it relieves the burden of it a little.

anyway, thank you for reaching out. it was really kind of you and I'll keep your words in my heart ❤️

[shamehaversoffontaine]

quest for the 4* hp% sword: musings on kirara, nilou, bountiful cores

predicting ascension mats is a silly hobby but it is my favorite. i knew since she was a nekomata, that she'd probably have some connection to the other inazuma cats, so her mats would either be naku weed or amakumo fruit, as those are what grows on seirai island where asase shrine is. further more, so far only raiden uses amakumo fruit whereas both yoimiya and kuki use naku weed, therefore. amakumo fruit. and i was right!

ive just noticed how many hp scaling sword users there are (nilou, kuki, layla, fucking benny even, and now kirara) with no (non-5-star) hp% sword. at all. every other weapon type has some kind of option for their characters (though youre probably not gonna raise the recurve bow just for a couple extra points on diona's shield)

3.7 weapon is an EM bow which sounds great for tighnari, melt ganyu, and thats it.

the fontaine craftable weapons better include an hp% sword. this is getting ridiculous. hp is kinda hydros thing so it's not a stretch.

gonna give nilou 2p millelith/2p that new set for dehya. right now at level 79/80 (where shes going to stay until after i have kaveh raised) with 4p millelith hp/hp/hp/, shes at 42k. (with hydro resonance)

i dont know if the hydro her tranquility aura confers counts as a 'hit' for millelith, but it doesnt matter because the priority is squeezing as much out of her a4 as possible, which means hp hp hp hp. i have about 109% out of a possible 400%, and i dont think you can get that full 400 without key of khaj nisut. but. i'll get as close as i can. and then in 3 weeks i'll get kaveh and it'll be more.

right now, with a. get this. EM barbara 700-ish because i havent quite finished getting the gilded that i'd had couched on razor for kaveh. we're doing about 24k bountiful cores. nahida doesnt actually work too well with nilou because you need to like. i think it works better if nilou and/or someone else is doing the wetting and the dendro side of the equation is the one making the reaction. they say kaveh doesnt apply enough dendro on his own to do it, but we'll see. theyre both better in multi-target, so, multiple auras.

shame theres no good way for crowd control with nilou. swirl preference means youre always picking up hydro anyway. i was hoping there would be more, like. dendro constructs, like how the samachurl has his little vine walls.

and it seems like. the team right now is nahida/nilou/barbara/[tignari or yaoyao]. barbara, currently being built entirely into EM, is not healing quite enough, so i gave my lvl 50 yaoyao her maidens for extra heals and extra offfield dendro. it has been working quite well.

so. when i get kaveh, the gilded that's on barbara will go to kaveh, and it will be kaveh/nilou/xingqiu/yaoyao??? i still havent decided on baizhu. kirara has thrown a huge wrench into my decision. express delivery big wrench. it will eventually be kirara in the fourth slot. if we cant keep up heals which between kavehs own healing and xingqius little bits, i might switch out for barbara. and then theres. well. kokomi. i need to figure out kokomis kit i never know what im doing with her when playing with trials and stuff. then theres ayato, and then fontaine will probably bring a few good hydro characters, including fucking focalors herself, so. who knows. there are possibilities. and if kokomi or ayato come up on a rerun before we know what wet goodies lie in wait in the land of steampunk courtroom drama.

3.7 apparently has a new yoimiya chapter so there's 1/4. it also seems to be inazuma centric, though, so. gulp.