#no i dont know what she was doing with a meat thermometer

[pumpkinsy0]

ive been hit w the seasonal sick i think. yall got any sick hcs?? cant remember if someone already asked this

idk if u mean just for papercut or like in general so ur just gettin both!!!mostly papercut tho

•when ur sick in the curtis house, that sickness doesnt go away till EVERYONE ELSE gets sick, its like a torch that only gets passed around when the last person gets it

•darry has a “sick shirt” just a shirt he always wears when he sick bc he doesnt gaf about it at all

•if either pony or curly is sick but the other isnt and they RLLLYYYY dont wanna go somewhere, they get the other to get them sick as a way to get out of it, yes this would go on into adult hood, they have no shame

•tim is lowkey like a bother who says “if ur sick enough to not ____ u cant ____” but to b fair, curly and angela do overplay their sickness to get out of things

•pony and curly cannootttt make out while sick, they can barely just kiss, they cant breath properly and turn into mouth breathers when sick

•everytime i think about tim getting sick, i think of that one cutaway gag from family guy where peters like “i CANNOT get sick rn” and yea, thats pretty accurate for him

•if curly has a fever hes not passing up on the opportunity to tell pony “its bc hes so hot”, mind u ponys looking at the thermometer and his fever is at 103 fahrenheit, this is NOT the time to say this

•two it was that kid in elementary/kindergarten who just threw up for literally no reason, no reason at all just threw up

•speaking of, as a kid sometimes johnny puked when he was too nervous and ppl called him a squid for it, some of the gang did it but they stopped

•curlys never thrown up before, like ever, he has a strong ass stomach

•pony and curly both make shit tea, they will never finish the others tea they made, but in a way its cute bc they try making it the way their brothers taught em how to make it, they just add too much of one ingredient and argue about which was is better

•curly gets like super cranky when hes hungry, and once he decided to cook meat, but he aint cook it all the way and pony trieedddd telling him and helping but curly got mad at him. curly ate what he made and got food poisoning, i want u to just imagine the amount of told u so’s pony said the next day

•when angelas sick, u could not get her to leave her room, she locks herself in there till shes better

•pony and curly have gotten multiple concussions from rumbles and once someone left a concussed pony and curly in the same room cause “nothing would happen” and they were right, but also got into a lotttt of trouble

•pony and curly both being sick together would tire each other out, they r bedridden and cant do much but talk and lord knows theyre too good at that, so they bicker, pass out, bicker, pass out, etc etc

[fuck-customers]

Ohmygod

So this lady comes in frequently smelling of booze and she talks super loud all the time and she takes forever shopping and she's told us she's a mystery shopper (which they're not supposed to do so I doubt she really is)

She likes to go thru the meat and produce to find anything we might have missed and if she doesn't find anything (like today) she loudly claims something is rotten when its not (like the cucumbers today. Thats dirt not mold.)

Then she's feeling up the hams and loudly saying somethings wrong with the fridge bc they shouldn't be that warm. So I take the thermometer and take the Temps in front of her and show her. That its temping okay. The ones she felt must have just been put in there or something.

She goes over to the meat wall and touches everything saying its warm. By now there's a crowd watching us. I take the temps and they're fine. People continue to buy meat.

But shes got to have a full blown conversation with all of us, even tho she knows we're busy and she can see that bc she's in here long enough.

Shell even recognize that she's being annoying and will say she's a pain in the ass (her words) and were like yeah you can see that so maybe do something about it? Just do your shopping and leave us alone.

And she stands so close but theres no need bc we can hear you just fine halfway across the store. I dont need to smell your boozy breath.

This bitch was here for like 2 hours. She paid 10$ for this one lady's shit to get her out of the way cuz she was taking forever. Def on something. Then this lady takes forever at the reg. And then the people behind her were getting so pissed and I started taking them my way but this one dude was really big mad and said some shit to her and she cried and im like bruh what you expect

I paid for her 4 paper bags just to get rid of her. But the manager said I don't have to after all bc he gets it and its just a couple cents

When all the managers know you, thats not usually a good sign.

And don't loudly say when you think something is messed up? Just quietly tell an employee? Theres no need to tell the ENTIRE STORE that you thought the cucumbers were moldy. They just had dirt. Bitch was wrong.

@staff I HATE the new text editor!

[jesswithane]

Francis: That’s odd. My meat/cooking thermometer is missing 

Arthur, shouting behind him: Kids, have you seen your Papa’s meat thermometer?!

Amelia, somewhere in the house: I have it!

Arthur, to Francis: Amy has it

Francis: Would you like to follow up as to why she has it?

Arthur: Amelia, Why do you have it?!

Amelia: Science! 

Arthur:......

Francis, sighing: And this is why we follow up. [To upstairs] Amelia! Whatever you’re doing, stop! 

[dahniwitchoflight]

Candy 18-21

oh, oh no

I’ve heard things about Jane x Gamzee

now I get to experience them, oh boy...

Gamzee gets, strangely serious about stuff for once, huh, who would have thunk it

yeah, It’s clear Jane’s political stuff seem to stem from some kind of fear that one day humanity won’t exist on Earth C for whatever reason

that over time, the population of trolls versus humans will eventually skew so much that there won’t be any adam and eve left to match up with each other

in her mind she really doesn’t hate trolls, cuz its not really about the trolls, not at all, but obviously her actions are equivalent to someone who does hate them and she just doesn’t get that

and like, yeah if you just left them to their own devices, maybe that would happen, but then (and I can’t believe I’m saying this) Gamzee has an extremely good point that they already did that when they plopped all the ectokids down and called it a day for a 1000 years, like, they managed to figure it out on their own just fine

and also

ectobiology will literally never stop being a thing so like, as long as some of the god kids stick around, eventually you can just make more humans it’s no big deal to restart the human gene pool since it will be identical to the first time they started it

there’s no reason to make sure this system runs smoothly the “natural way” it won’t, this situation is unnatural for both species

Jane’s just gotta realize that if she wants humans to keep sticking around, she just has to keep supporting the human population, that’s it, whatever trolls do or don’t do doesn’t matter for that goal

course it doesn’t help to compare trolls to animals when talking about their breeding rate and how it naturally evolved over time unlike the apparently non animal humans Janey

Also Alternian society is def not how troll society naturally is but like how could she know that? And how could any troll near her really explain that? 

aaaand I got so up in taking this seriously I forget who was talking

Jane’s into troll blackrom though that’s interesting and unexpected 

oh wow, Jake was there the whole time

Did they really name Jake and Jane’s baby Tavros??? oh jeesus

Yeah Kinda figured the Jane x Jake thing wasn’t gonna actually be happy

I’m really surprised Jane’s version of happiness apparently involves boinking a weird funny man I mean, she canonically likes clowns and jokes, so at the same time I’m not surprised, I mean, she WAS raised by the condesce, it’s just weird how that influence comes out in her sometimes versus how it doesn’t come out in her

literal Jake nightmare scenario though I think lol

really hammering home how the passions of youth don’t really translate well to happy adult relationships

Oh, so there’s the part where Jade reveals she has Bec biology, considering the fandom reaction you’d think we were gonna get some kind of gross M rated sex scene where she pegs Karkat or something

but all she does is talk about how she’d love a normal family and home life and lament that her circumstances ended up not really allowing that and giving enough hints that we can figure out why that would be

it’s not handled grossly at all, even if the subject matter is odd and it doesn’t come off as some sort of character sabotage

this whole time what we’ve known all Jade was that she was lonely and just wanted a family, not that hard to figure out why, girl’s got the same complex as Joey Claire about her family situation, but she’s more reserved about her feelings since she didn’t get to have a comparison of role models like Joey did with her babysitter and also Jade’s food and shelter needs were somewhat taken care by a planet guardian so the affect was somewhat lessened on the outside, she just didnt get the same chances as Joey to be able to articulate her emotional turmoil about it

aww Jade’s not happy either, well, that’s how it goes when you make relationship decisions based on flimsy passions that are more about fulfilling the needs of the self than about actually wanting good things for a partner

More like Jade’s sort of realized that Karkat and Dave don’t have a genuine romantic interest in her and she’s the only one keeping this ship afloat

oh shit, a dead younger jade, oh damn wait she’s the one from Meat that was trapped in the house juju and then immediately died from space razors

Yeah’s she’s a bloody symbol of meat that’s for sure, theyre making that pretty clear

“Her eyes go wide and she feels the breath go out of her for a moment. She looks directly upward. Where did this body come from?”

Again, if we take that symbolism circle of Breath = Sugar = Drugged up High =  Breath

This little dash of meat falling into wonderland would break the breathy haze for a bit wouldn’t it?

So if this kind of thing can happen to others besides John, there’s hope yet for something of value to come from Candy

“ There’s a peaked skylight at the top of the foyer that splits the morning sun like a prism, spilling multicolored dots across every surface below. Amongst those dots are drips of teen-Jade’s blood. It’s so dark on the spotless tile that it looks nearly black. “

I wish I could draw things, I’d love to draw this exact scene here, it’s pretty and morbid

Yeah, the relationship theme of Candy seems to be that everyone’s jumping into Kismesis plus Matesprite threesomes, that seem to be neither of what anyone actually wants in totality

There’s some realization that their Candy filled atmosphere is actually more a drug or a poison, teen jade can’t be revived, and it’s not because of what happened to her, but more because of the environment she is in now

Ah Roxy, ever the social chameleon people pleaser, not working this time though

Jade’s is easily explained already as she has the social graces of an elephant

It is kinda sad tho to see most of the human characters actually aren’t that good at being cool about troll stuff

“CALLIOPE: pUrple roses traditionally represent love at first sight, however these roses are actUally red roses that we prepared Using a blUe dye.CALLIOPE: the blUe rose is the most elUsive and mysterioUs of all flowers.CALLIOPE: the combination of red and blUe in this context is meant to evoke the dUal natUre of death, in that there is nothing more mysterioUs and impossible to comprehend than the vast void of the afterlife, bUt also there is nothing that makes Us appreciate the life and and love that we already have than the mystery of death.CALLIOPE: while death is terrifying, there is always joy to be foUnd among the sorrow. each time we witness death, we fall in love with the important people in oUr lives all over again.“

Why do I get the feeling Calliope is talking about actual rose here somehow?

Is it because she started off with “here’s the symbolism of Purple Roses”?

a Red Rose dyed Blue

Now if Cascade taught us anything Blue and Red certainly represent a mutual destruction of opposites coming together to create a third new thing in the blaze of the aftermath, but that thing was a Green Sun, not something purple, so why bring Rose into mind for all of this?

We have been seeing the effects of what happens when people in candyland awaken from their drug haze with a smattering of blood, but in that case why not make the symbolism more clear by saying a Blue Candied Rose dyed Red as if with Bloodied Meat?

is it more to mean that the correct path lies NOT in Candy being dyed Red, but in Meat being dyed Raspberry Blue?

I Mean, Candy!Rose certainly seems shaken here, having gotten jolted out of her drugged haze at some point, but unable to See, and she’s actually starting to be concerned about that and Meat!Rose is kind of out of commission at this point, So I guess to get things back on track, Candy!Rose would have to go back to the Meat somehow, or might be the influence needed to snap Meat Rose out of her daze

Though I don’t like how this is taking place in the context of a funeral, specifically bringing to mind how Dirk did the same thing using the vessel of Death, I hope Candy Rose doesn’t try to just, off herself

with Dirk taking control of Rose’s ultimate self in Meat, Candy!Rose might be the only true Rose left to take heroic action

Aww, Callie is still head over heels for Roxy, I’m really surprised with this theme of threesomes that nothing ever came of a John x Roxy x Callie, but then again all the threesomes so far have been painted Black and Red, and unless John or Roxy was to form a Kismesis with Callie, I don’t see it happening at all

OH SHIT SPEAKING OF RED AND BLUE

Damn, Sollux and Aradia are here

“KARKAT: MAYBE FUCKING NEPETA IS ABOUT TO POUNCE FROM BEHIND THAT GROTESQUE STATUE OF THE HUMAN SUFFERER T-POSING OVER THERE.”

Karkat don’t tease me about Nepeta but also again WHY is actual Jesus here.

Is Roxy a christian in this timeline? Was she legit just praying to actual Human Jesus? That’s so, weird, especially for Roxy to do, what the fuck in Roxy’s upbringing on an apocalypse earth would make her want to worship Jesus?

Oh wait, that’s obviously what she thinks that every other human sincerely does, since she only had human media to go off of, and like, technically no human has ever said they DONT worship christian gods to her.

“GAMZEE: wHeN tHe DoOr Of ThAt FrIdGe pOpPeD oPeN iT wAs LikE i Be AlL sEeIn ThE lIgHt AnD sHiT.

SOLLUX: well yeah

SOLLUX: that’s what happens when s0me0ne 0pens a d00r t0 a t0tally dark encl0sure.“

Gamzee has had a weirdly meta understanding of what’s going on so far, for some reason, I can’t fathom what could be the Lighty influence that he’s gotten

unless...

Dirk really IS starting to subsume Ultimate Rose, and that’s bleeding over to every Ultimate self connected to Dirk

the more Gamzee knows meta shit and says oddly correct things, the more we know Dirk is “winning” over Rose

Oh, that’s why Gamzee is really here isn’t he? I mean, storywise? He’s a Dirk thermometer/gauge/thing, he’s our way of measuring how far Dirk’s influences are going in Meat

“ARADIA: its so nice that you believe all that gamzee

ARADIA: i think i can honestly say

ARADIA: im reasonably happy for you?“

lol

“blue smoke”

You don’t really tend to describe Smoke as being Blue right? At least, I don’t think that’s usual

But if we’re straight up associating Candy with Blue  to complement Meat with Red now, it’s just making the whole Sugar = Breath thing that much stronger

*EDIT* DUH OF COURSE OF CANDY’S COLOR IS BLUE

BLUE GUSHERS. OBVIOUSLY. *end edit*

and I mean, what is Breath but a weird bluey smoke?

Roxy just wants to be happy with all her friends, that’s all

It is a good shake at trying to explain the nature of infinite possibility, that in reality, there isn’t really more weight put into one possibility over others, that’s how it works in real life anyway

unfortunately a storyline of canon is going to favor some version of events over others, and people make choices because they have preferences for that choice over other choices, something that seems kind of lost on Candy!Roxy who seems to just be okay with going along with anything because everything has an equal chance for having happytimes in this place

Roxy may be starting to lose her sense of self as well, and with her knowledge on things and how’s she’s been described as immutable so far, I wouldn’t be surprised at her having easily and subtly slipped into Ultimate Self hood herself and just being really okay with the idea that there is no one true Roxy, that she is just one piece of many, and not like, needing to delve into that further, not needing to connect with all her alternate selves, happy just being singular but at the same time completely malleable

Oh! Baby time.

Oh fuck, Al!Calliope in Jade time.

Why is Callie so afraid of Alt!Callie? That didn’t come across in their meetings in Homestuck as much, so why is that different here?

Is it because of Jade’s earlier comment of “there can only be one instance of a person here” and Callie doesn’t think she can win against Alltie?

Also, all these instances of Alltie appearing in Jade’s body is making me worried Alltie is doing something to both of their Ultimate Selves, like she’s subsuming Jade somehow like Dirk is subsuming Rose

I mean, they are fighting one another, so if Dirk’s doing something she has to keep pace right? In her mind, it’s probably totally justified

this is getting long enough for this post though, off we go again but I’m still reading

[rustdream]

Fanfic Generator 2: THE SHIPPING CRONGE [No Commentary]

I am Sackboy. 

 I was sitting behind my desk. I felt the tears well up in my eyes . After Our last adventure, I found out just exactly how cruel people could be. How nasty and inconsiderate real humans actually were. I stared at a picture of a polar bear. A magnificent beast who would not hesitate to kill me ripping him limb from limb, but at least it would be quick. Not a overlong conspiracy of many years, just to be unleashed on me when I was at my weakest and darkest moment. When I needed my friends the most. But there had been one tiny ray of light in this whole . I remembered fondly the day I discovered it. It was a tuesday morning I rememberanced. The memories surfaced before my mind's eye and took the most wonderful shapes. Before I well knew it, a single tear welled up in my eyes and trickled down my cheek. Because even when all my 'friends' betrayed me there was one consistant factor in my life: Newton. And I knew that the rising aspirations between them could never become true, the feelings I had for Newton were the only thing in this world that still felt true to him. No lies, just that single, pure sense and feeling for Newton.Our relationship would probably only ever be physical. Alas, I thought to meself hopelessly. Why must they battle? Why must I be destined to destroy Newton? Can I ever tell Newton how much Newton means to me? If only I could. Then all my pain would be over. No more betrayal. No more suffering under the laughter from Franz (who told him she loved me, only to stab me right inti the heart at valentines day!). No, only Newton and my true feelings for Him. A/N Lol this has all been so depressive lol! My next bit will be less dark! In the darkness of that night, away from the preying eyes and ears of those who would judge, some strangers slipped by unnoticed. But they were not strangers, they knew each-other. And they knew each-other much closer then any of their friends did realize. They knew each-other both inside and out. But their friends did not know this. Their friends could not know. Their friends should not know this. Nor could they know. Because it was night, and thus away from their viscous, judging eyeballs. "Is it safe?" said the first stranger, who was not a stranger to the other stranger but will remain a stranger to us for the moment. "I think so. Its dark so none of the others should see us here, even if they are nearby. I think our secret is safe." "Good. I couldn't take their judgement right now. My life is too stressful as it is. If it wasn't for you I don't know what Id do." "Don't worry Sackboy, I will always be here for you - waiting in the dark" "Thanks, Newton. I will always be in the dark for you too" With that the two shadows embraced - an embracement in the night full of passion and romance. Fortunately Oddsock worked at a newspaper nowadays and he used the database of the newspaper to find out home turf of Newton's ruffians. Their search led to a gay night club in the darkiest and stormiest part of Pod. I was a little hesitant to go. It was rather scary and it was dark and stomy in that secting of Pod. But the courage in me was greater than my fear because with my The Popit I should be able to accomplish anything, right, I thought to myself. And Oddsock would join me. So not to fall out of fashion we both stripped and squeezed into their most gothyest clothing. I had to admit that Oddsock looked kind of sexy in that outfit of his. But I didn't dare to comment on that (I had only just discovered I am bi, and I was a little angxious over that. I wans't sure if my othre friends would accept that!. I instead poored down my soul into my make-up. I bore incandesent blood-rose coloured finger nails with black streaking strips and gave Oddsock the same treatment. Oddsock gorgeous eyes met mine and for a moment we were both swimming in a pool made of a lovely combination of their eyes colours. It was romance we knew, but we didn't know whether it was a forbidden one or not! Oh hell, Newton could wait. Now I looked upon Oddsock with lust filling my meat thermometer . Newton could be taking over the world for what I cared, now it should be all about me and Oddsock. But little did I know that in fact Oddsock had been lusting after me as well! With force and lust Oddsock threw me onto the closet  and thrusted himself right into me. I moaned. We came. Then we went off and defeated Newton. For a moment time seemed to slowed down. Sackboy wondered why. Sackboy turned around slowly (due to the time seeming to have slowed down). Then the explanation - Newton was secretly looking at him. Looking at him in that special way. Sackboys soul lit up like a beacon in the night - even though it was day. In all of this. In all of this mess. They had eachother, even if eachother was the only ones that knew. Newton turned away at that moment - Time jumped back to normal as Sackboy was no longer transfixiated by Newton. Fortunately no one else had noticed. Some time later in their secret hide-away ; "I am glade we found a way to survive all that and still be together" "Yes, our plan seems to have worked despite all the events" "Do you think anyone spotted us?" "No" "No" "Yes" Emerald emerged from the shadows of the darkness. "I know everything" she said. Sackboy and Newton gasped. Their secret was finally revealed! "I dont love Newton like you do" said Emerald "but I have always lusted a bit after them. So you see if Newton spends the night with me - I will never tell anyone." Sackboy breathed a sigh of relief. That was, after all, a reasonable request. They agreed to the bargain. "Phwee...thats something we can go along with" said Newton relieved. Emerald was happy, and Sackboy and Newton thus got to live happily ever after together. With no one but Emerald and themselves ever knowing. We exited my wheels and we stood before the place Newton had been assembleing his forces. It was the gateway to hell. And finally we got confirmation for what we had been expected all along... Newton.... was satan! But that did not deter me. I could press on and  my friends too found the strenght in themselves to push themselves to the limit . But then we heard a loud noise, like the stamping of feet or like a bad car engine or when they try and make the ground flat enough so they can build a side-walk. All around us, hisdemons appeared! Newton had us. And I know that what he was going to do with us, it wasn't going to be pretty!or involve much clothing! or suitable for children! But then I saw pure white wings sprouting from my bottom. Where had once been the golden and silver tattooes, I had wings! I spread them out before me and stretched them. They crackled with power. They were at least 5 meters in windspan. I then turned to Newton. He gawked in awe at me. It was a power he had not seen before. "This power," Newton said, "This power is... I have never... seen... such power." Even Swoop looked in awe at me. And then she said what everyone (including me) had been thinking but didn't dare to say: "You're an... you're an... an..." "Say it, I said" "Tell the truth, I can take it!" I said as I felt the burning nerves in my body floating in my stomach. "An Angel," said Newton in absolute and utter awe. "THis I... I never have seen before" Toggle and Oddsock were just as much in awe. Though with Toggle, I knew it was because he just loved me so much. When I looked in his eyes, it was like I was drowing in a puddle of the deepest of colours.  When he takes me every evening, ravages my buttom. And every night he asks me, "Are you truly from heaven" as his trouser snake lays there, resting from a long and hard struggle. Now he knew the answer. And deep inside of me, I was happy. Happy that he could finally have me as how I am, not what I pretended to be. I stretched my wings further and light came from beneath them, surrounding everyone in the syrinic light. The demons had to hide their hideous eyes beneath their wings as not to be blidned by the beauty of my light. Newton fell down on his knees and raised his arms in prayer: "Oh god, let me live. Let me be a part of the light again." And I looked down upon him and took out a katana that I had been carrying on my back all this time and with one quick sweep I cut Newton head clean off. In intimidation, all demons also lost their heads. Before us the portal exploded in rays of light and blue and greens and cyans. It was a wonderous spectacle to behold! Toggle ran into my arms and whispered naughty things in my ear. That was what we were going to do tonight, after we're back and rested a bit. Then he would bang me so deep, his fun stick would come out the other side. I was looking forward to it. Then I was crowned queen of Pod