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cxplqnce · 4 years

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Lance Hunter - Should’ve Said It ft. Grant Ward

Based off Should’ve Said It by Camila Cabello

Word Count: 2,656

Show up at my door, but I don't live there anymore

Sendin' me your songs, but they don't really sound like before

I was crazy for you, all caught up and confused

Love was broken for me, now it's broken for you

Grant Ward. That was the name of the back-stabbing, hydra kiss-up dickhead that you once loved. But he betrayed you, all of you and you spent months getting over him and what he did to you. You had to learn how to love again, how to trust again and it wasn’t easy. Fortunately, you had help, Lance Hunter - a dashing mercenary sharp shooter with a quick wit who you fell for very quickly.

You’d met him when he joined SHIELD after his friend was killed. You’d been drowning your sorrows about Ward when he walked past. You offered for him to join you and he couldn’t refuse – this event created a bond of friendship that grew stronger every day. A few weeks after you’d met you slept together. You didn’t exactly mean for it to happen but once it did, you were both happier – it forced you both to admit your feelings for each other and you’d been in a steady relationship ever since.

He’d been teaching you how to love again.

Isn't it something? That I get more when I'm giving you nothing? Huh

Isn't it magic? That when you stop lookin' for it, it happens?

Baby, he fell from grace, landed right in your place

Kissed me so many times that I forgot your taste

Lance had been so careful and gentle with you once you’d told him about Ward. Lance definitely wasn’t his biggest fan but he hated him even more when he found out how much he had hurt you. You’d also had trouble controlling your inhuman power – luck. You could change the luck of yourself and others at will, and you had full control except when you felt off which happened a lot after Ward’s betrayal. There’d been numerous accidents around you – people dropping things and falling over. Lance had helped you control it even when you felt off, he even called you his Lucky Lady.

You’d taken your relationship slowly and you were so happy with Lance, happy enough to forget Ward’s name – however, Coulson didn’t seem to get this particular memo.

“We're making a deal... with Ward.” He said, while you sat with Hunter and Fitz on a quinjet. As soon as the name left his lips, you felt your heartbeat quicken and fear filled your head. You instinctively reached for Lance’s hand.

“I’m sorry, what did you just say.” Lance asked, anger and disbelief rising in his words.

Coulson deactivated the black box, “As I said, desperate times, desperate measures.”

------------

A while later, Coulson was talking to Ward (accompanied by Mike Peterson) while you, Hunter and Fitz stayed at the quinjet. Hunter was trying his best to keep his cool and reassure Fitz while you sat alone, listening to Coulson and Ward’s conversation through coms.

“You doing okay, gorgeous?” Lance asked, sitting down next to you and resting his hand on yours.

You nodded your head, even though it was a lie. Coulson was bringing Ward back to the quinjet and you weren’t sure you were ready to see him. You hadn’t seen him since he broke your heart; you hadn’t visited him while he was living under the base.

Lance cleared his throat, gaining your full attention, “I know you’re lying, you’re terrified.” He said, putting his arm around you and pulling you into his chest. You rested your head down and took some deep breaths – trying to control your power and your brain all at once. “It’s okay to be scared, but I’m going to be here the whole time. I won’t leave your side.”

“Thank you.”

I wish that you could turn back the time

You hold me closer, instead of your pride

I knew it was you from the very first night

And it took you two years to make up your mind

You sat in the cockpit of the quinjet when you heard the car approaching. You knew that you were about to see him again and you didn’t know what to do with yourself. He had been the source of your trauma, your problems and you knew that Fitz felt exactly the same. He was sat next to you in the cockpit with Lance standing behind you watching the door.

You heard footsteps and moved out of your seat, coming face to face with Grant Ward. He smirked at you, “Hello, Y/N. It’s been a while. I’ve missed you.”

You couldn’t control what you did next. You took a deep breath out and launched at him, punching him square in the jaw. Lance pulled you away and wrapped you in his arms, whispering ‘I love you’ and ‘It’s okay’ in your ear over and over. Coulson directed Ward, Agent 33 and Bakshi, who they’d brought with them, to sit down as you did too. Fitz opted to sit in the cockpit with Mike, but you had the pleasure of sitting across from Ward.

You pulled your gun out of your pocket and loaded it, turning the safety off and pointing it right at Ward, “If you even blink, I will not hesitate to pull this trigger.”

“You’ve gotten stronger, more resilient. I’d like to think I had something to do with that, Y/N.” He smirked, trying to get to you.

You smirked back, “Yeah, actually, you made me realise that there are so many jackasses like you in the world, and I need to be my own superhero sometimes.” Ward was taken aback by your sudden confidence but Lance seemed very impressed.

Coulson explained the mission and soon enough you landed and the mission was a go. You helped Fitz get into Mike’s eye feed and stood by Lance to watch. Lance immediately held your hand, making sure you were as far away from Ward as possible. The meet went as it should up until Bakshi started to mention something about selling Mike and everyone turned against each other. Guns flew up and knives came out.

You held your gun up to Ward and closed your eyes; soon enough, Ward took a step forward and clumsily tripped on air, falling to the ground. You and Coulson held your guns to him while Lance held his gun to Agent 33’s head – ordering her to release Fitz or he’d shoot, which she did. Fitz disarmed Mike, who was about to shoot everyone in the room and everyone put their weapons down.

“You pull anything like that again; I'll throw your ass off this quinjet at 20,000 feet.” Coulson threatened.

You smiled, “And I’ll be the one opening the door.”

So you want me now? That's funny

'Cause you didn't give a, back then

Comin' back around, so sorry

'Cause there's no room in my bed and I'm all good now

Someone else is gettin' all of me

If you wanted me so desperately

You should've said it

The quinjet dropped down and Fitz pointed out Skye. You followed Hunter and Coulson holding your gun in one hand and stuffing a knife into your side pocket. Once you were in the building you were swarmed by guards. You stood behind Lance, closing your eyes and picturing the probability of the guards shooting each other, falling over and knocking each other out and you made it skyrocket. Once you opened your eyes, the seven guards who were attacking you were out cold.

Coulson gave an order and went to find Skye, Ward sneaking away to follow him. Unfortunately, you and Lance were too preoccupied with Ward’s actions to notice the guy behind you who shot before either of you could do anything. The bullet landed in Lance’s side and after assuring you that he was fine, he urged to you go and find Ward and stop him from doing more harm than good.

You caught up to them and were able to get the two guards they were fighting to knock each other out, before you grabbed your gun and whacked Ward in the face, causing a deep red cut to appear on his left cheek. “Hey!” He yelled, “I am trying to help you!”

“Yeah, like you did when you almost killed FitzSimmons, or when you hung me out to dry with Hydra! You are a lying jackass, who I never should’ve trusted!” You shouted, feeling better after getting your anger out.

“Skye!” Coulson called, pulling you out of your argument. Unfortunately, before you could run to hug her, two guys came out of nowhere and they teleported away.

“I had her, damn it, I had her.” Coulson muttered to himself, while you stood next to him.

Suddenly you heard a noise and turned around to be faced with the barrel of a gun but Ward shot the guy before he could hurt you. “If you’re looking for thanks, you’re not getting it.”

Lance and Agent 33 appeared and you immediately ran to him, “I shouldn’t have left you, I’m sorry.” You whispered, resting your hands on his cheeks.

“I was the one who insisted, and I’m fine.” He croaked, his wound was bleeding profusely and causing him to look more tired.

“You just need to stay awake, okay, babe? Stay awake.” You mumbled.

You're only lonely, now you ain't the one that hold me

Only lonely now, now

You sat next to Lance, pressing a cloth to his wound; he hissed every now and then at the contact but you would always fire back with a small quip to shut him up. Little did you know that Ward was watching you from the cockpit. He told himself that he loved Kara but that wasn’t true, he loved you. He missed you and he knew that he’d do anything to make you his – even killing Hunter.

“I don’t know how you can even be in the same room with him, much less work with him after what he did,” Lance said to you, as you dressed his wound.

You chuckled, “Well, I’ve already hit him twice; I plan on increasing that number.” You joked, finishing the dressing before looking up at him, “Plus, I’ve got you. You make everything easier.”

“Good, I love you.” He whispered.

“I love you too,” You whispered back before leaning in to kiss him.

Ward watched as you kissed Hunter like he was your everything, which he was. Ward began to feel extremely jealous; he was who you should be kissing. Him not Hunter. You should be with him. He convinced Kara to leave the cockpit and she went and sat by the computer screen.

“Y/N, can you come here a minute?” Ward called, interrupting your conversation with your boyfriend.

You sighed, “What do you need, asswipe?”

Ward chuckled at your blatant hatred and dropped his head slightly, “Can’t I just want to chat, clear some things up?”

Lance looked at you, “You don’t have to.”

“It’s okay,” You replied, “Fine.” You said, standing up and going to sit in the cockpit. You sighed deeply when you took in the view from the window, you’d never get used to it, the beauty of the sky. “What did you want to talk about?”

“You like the view? Because it’s too bad I never got to teach you how to fly like I said I would.” He said, so casually it was as if he forgot the last six months.

You kept your straight face, looking over at the controls and flicking one of the buttons, taking the stick from him and flying seamlessly, “May taught me. I guess I never needed you.”

“You’ve gotten more control over your powers; they’ve gotten stronger since I last saw you. You can control when you use them on other people now, back then you couldn’t even affect other people’s luck.” He explained, looking at you as you flew the jet.

“No thanks to you. Although, what you said earlier, that I’m stronger because of you – you aren’t wrong. All the trauma and pain, pushed me to work harder, get better so that one day I could wipe that stupid smirk off your face.” You threatened.

He chuckled, “And how could you do that? All you do is control luck.”

“Luck is a game of probabilities.” You started, turning to face him, looking him right in the eye, “And I hold all the cards.” You said through gritted teeth before you turned your attention back to the view.

“We could’ve been great together, Y/N. You just had to leave and start dating that guy.” He said disgust in his voice when he mentioned Hunter.

“That guy, is more of a man than you’ll ever be and I love him more than I ever loved you, so you can forget us ever being an us again. I’m way too good for you.” You spat, before moving back into a seat by Lance.

So you want me now? That's funny

'Cause you didn't give a, back then

Comin' back around, so sorry (hey)

'Cause there's no room in my bed and I'm all good now

Someone else is gettin' all of me

If you wanted me so desperately

You should've said it; you should've said it, love

The team had gotten back to the base, with Ward and Agent 33 and Lance had gone to medical to get checked out by Simmons who very quickly gave him the all clear with orders to rest. You had brought him back to your room and cuddled on the couch while watching some tv.

“I’m sorry Coulson brought Ward on the mission, if I knew he was going to do that I never would’ve suggested that you come.” Lance apologised, rubbing your arm with his thumb.

You smiled, “It’s okay, I’m sorry that you got shot because I was too distracted by my demons to focus on you and the mission.” You apologised back.

“It’s all good, but if you want to repay me for getting shot, could you get me a beer or two – to take the pain away?” He asked, sweetly. You smiled, nodding and told him you’d be back soon.

You headed towards the kitchens before coming face to face with Ward, you tried to turn around before he noticed you but he did. “Y/N, how’s your little boyfriend?” He asked, menacingly.

“Better, just grabbing him a beer and then I’ll be heading back, if you’ll excuse me.” You said, moving to get around him but he blocked your exit, “Come on, Ward.”

“I’m about to go on a very important mission and I think I need a little love to get me psyched up.” He manipulated.

You chuckled, “Not happening. Move.”

“Come on, princess.” He said, using a nickname you’d rather forget. “You know you miss me, just tell me those three little words.”

“Go fuck yourself.” You spat, moving to leave but he grabbed your arm. “Get off of me.”

“You don’t understand, baby…”

You cut off his words by kneeing him in the balls and punching him in the face, “No, you don’t understand, I hate you, with every cell in my body because you are a lying jackass who I wish I never met. I am in love with Lance Hunter, one of the best men I know and I would never do anything to sabotage that relationship – not like you did. And I know that it hurts you that someone else makes me happy, someone else gets to love me, and I’m happy that you feel that pain. So, leave me the hell alone because if I ever see your face again, I will make you beg for death.” You threatened before walking back to your boyfriend.

That was the last time you ever saw Grant Ward’s face.

A/N: Hope you enjoy! Follow my instagram @ cxplqnce and I take requests if you have any!

#lance hunter #lance hunter imagine #lance hunter x reader #lance hunter one shot #grant ward #grant ward imagine #grant ward x reader #grant ward one shot #agents of shield #agents of shield imagine

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clean-bands-dirty-stories · 4 years

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Weak ~ S.R. (part 3)(final)

A/n: Kind fo struggled to find an ending to this that I liked, so I hope you guys liked it. Side note: I was inspired by “Easy” by Camila Cabello for this part :)

Word Count: 8600+

MASTERLIST

We fall for that. Wake up, we fall again. We fall for that. Can't wait to fall again- One sip, bad for me; One hit, bad for me; One kiss, bad for me, but I give in so easily. And no thank you is how it should've gone, I should stay strong- But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?

It took almost an entire month before Y/n really came to terms with having actual feelings for Spencer. With a lot of help from Michael and some stern words from Hotch when she'd begun to give Spencer the cold shoulder, she'd finally sat down and really thought about it.

I mean, who wouldn't fall head over heels for Spencer Reid, am I right? He was a total dork and had the prettiest smile she'd ever seen. He also had a huge heart and when he looked at her from across the room with the look of some kicked puppy, she still couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was with even that look on his face. Not to mention how kind and considerate he was. He even tried to save people everyone else rightfully hated, because every life that kept living was a victory to him. He shut himself down and kept himself in check as not to annoy others. Y/n was the only one who willingly listened to him, and he'd been slipping recently because he didn't have her to talk to anymore. He was just a really great person... and also really, really attractive like fucking hell dial it back just a TAD for the sake of a single woman with a weak heart.

When she could finally think about it without freaking out because of her past, she approached him again. "Hey." Her voice was soft, heavy with guilt.

He was surprised when he looked up and saw her. He stood, then stepped back to try and play it off like he hadn't been incredibly eager. "H-hi." His eyebrows came together as if in the world's smallest cringe and Y/n couldn't help but smile at the adorable awkwardness.

"I, uh." Her smile wavered as she remembered why she was here. "I'm really sorry, Reid." He frowned deeply at her use of his last name so she gave in a little. "Spencer." His shoulders lifted a little. "I've kind of had a lot of thoughts up in this little noggin of mine and unfortunately my brain works slower than average so it took me some time to figure it out." She shook her head. "I'm sorry it's made it so weird between us. I hope we can still be friends?" That's not what she really wanted, but she knew that what she REALLY wanted would be forever out of her reach. Spencer would never return her feelings. She didn't deserve it. Maybe her feelings now were healthy, but back then... no. What she had said and done and thought all those years ago was inexcusable. She couldn't have a relationship like wanted to with him with a such a secret between them, and she would NEVER tell anyone about it. It was in the past, it didn't matter. Just like her real feelings for the boy wonder in front of her now.

"Of course." He seemed relieved by her words. "Did I... do something to upset you?"

She smiled. Of course he'd think it was his fault. "Never," she reassured. "I... upset myself." That was as close to the truth as she could get.

It only confused him more though. "Are you okay?"

"Please," she begged softly. "I- it won't happen again. Can we please just forget about it?" Her eyes were wide and earnest. "I promise none of us were in any danger. You just-" She sighed. She hated the thought that he might worry enough to go digging, because with his resources he might find out. "You remind me of someone in my past," she worded carefully. "Someone I hurt. And- he didn't know I hurt him, but I did. And sometimes when I look at you, I remember that version of myself and it's... difficult. But I've come to terms with it for real now, and accepted that I'm a different person now. It was years ago and I'm better, you know? So it's really happy news and nothing you need to worry about. I promise."

He seemed to calm down for real at my reassurance. "Okay," he promised. "But if you need anything-"

"I'll come to you first," Y/n declared. "Well." She got a coy smile on her face. "Second. I have an old friend who was there during the whole thing. Who helped me through it. So he might be a tad better at helping, but with his experience and your incredible mind, I'm absolutely sure that if anything comes up it won't even be an issue."

He looked a little sad. "I'm sorry I couldn't help you." He hesitated, so Y/n didn't say something in case he wanted to share something personal as she had. Now that she was sure that her old habits were long dead, she no longer felt worried about getting close to him. It was incredibly refreshing. As she'd thought, he did speak again, pulling out her thoughts so she could focus on him. "I feel like I should be able to do more for my friends. I'm trained to do this as a career, but when it comes to people I care about rather than some murderous psycho, I end up being pretty useless."

She's taken aback by his bluntness. "Are you serious?" He shrugged and she reached up to grab either side of his ace with both of her hands. He seemed surprised by the contact, but didn't pull away. He seemed even more shocked by the fact SHE hadn't pulled away from HIM. "Pen, you're like literally the smartest person I've ever met. Everyone considers you a genius, and you've earned that title time and time again- so much that it drives people crazy sometimes." They both chuckled. "Just because you're smart doesn't mean you're a mind reader though. Be nicer to yourself. Please. You deserve it."

He relaxed at her words and only then did he realize her thumb was grazing his jaw tenderly. She slowly removed her hands. He seemed like he wanted to stop her but he didn't, and she felt her stomach light on fire. "Thank you." The words were soft and warmed Y/n to her core.

Y/n shrugged. "Besides, 'The world is full of obvious things which nobody by any chance ever observes.' You're gonna miss things you don't want to be there. I've been the type of person people ignore when I'm upset since I'm usually pretty upbeat and get over things quickly anyway."

Spencer seemed to glitch. "What did you say?"

A blush swallowed Y/n's face as she winced back in shame. "I don't mean to blame you, I just mean that it's okay, because I'm used to handling it on my own and-"

"No," he dismissed. "The thing about observing obvious things."

It was then that she became cautious. "It's a quote from a book I read a few years ago. One of the few things I made myself remember and internalize. It made me feel better about how I... got into some tricky situations, before I learned and taught myself better and stuff."

His expression brightened. "You've read The Narrative of John Smith?"

She tried not to think about how she'd read it because she'd watched him carry around the book for months. How it had rested on the dashboard of his car and it had made her curious since he blew through books so quickly and never held onto one for long. She tried not to think about how she had gotten it to feel closer to him, reading it slowly and writing down things that she thought were neat. How Michael used those exact words she'd cherished to help counsel her in a way that got through to her in the beginning when she was drowning in guilt. "Yeah," was all she said, even as so many more thoughts raced through her mind.

"That's so wild." He seemed to catch his breath. "I've been meaning to get a copy of my own. I keep borrowing it from the library and returning it too late. It's one of my favorite books."

"No way." She laughed, trying to make it sound casual. "I still have my copy, if you want it."

The idea of reading it again seemed to excite him, making Y/n relax. "I'd love to borrow it. I have to say, I can be a little... hard on books. I have a lot of love to give them."

The joke made her relax completely, her worries rolling off her shoulder. She was a new person, living a new life that was so much better than she'd ever dreamed. "You can actually have it," she told him. "Honestly, it's kind of a reminder of some things that I don't want to remember, and I haven't read it in a long time and probably won't ever again."

"Really?"

"Really," she promised enthusiastically.

He thought for a second then that glimmer in his eyes shone, just like it always did when he got an idea. "What if I read it to you? We could make new memories. Unless you don't like the book."

Y/n laughed. "It was a little hard for me to swallow, but with someone like you to help me if I ask some questions here and there..."

"Oh absolutely," he agreed.

"Then sure." He cheered and she laughed and then Hotch called their names because they had a new case. Both of them went into the meeting beaming.

"Did you bring it today?" It had been six whole cases where every day Spencer would ask her the same thing, and every time she had to disappoint him because she came to work very early in the morning and returned very late at night and she always forgot it.

Not today though.

Her parted, upturned lips gave her away and Spencer jerked in excitement. "First," she began, holding up a finger as she reached into her bag. "To make up for taking ages to finally get it to you." She extended a small bag of Sour Skittles. He seemed to do that physical stutter like he always did when he was so surprised by something it was like a human glitch, eyes on the Skittles like they were going to jump out and bite his hand. "Since it took me over two months to get it to you," she said quietly. Why did he look like she was holding out a dead dog rather than a bag of candy? Then she thought about how the very first gift she'd ever given him was this exact treat. She panicked for a second. Did he know that it was a stalker after all that had given him the gift? Did he expect it to be her? Had he stopped liking this candy because of her selfish recklessness all those years ago? Oh god. "I didn't know what you liked, but they're my favorite," she rushed awkwardly, pulling her hand away. "I' sorry I didn't mean to upset you."

He caught her wrist and she looked into his eyes, ready to see accusation and anger when she did. Instead, she saw guilt. Guilt? What did he have to be sorry for? "No, I love it. Very thoughtful. I'm so sorry, I just-" He swallowed. "I haven't liked them for a while. But," and he snatched them from her hand, pointing back to her bag. She slowly took out the book and he grabbed that too. "Like I said. Here's to new beginnings. New memories with things that were once ruined but didn't deserve it." Right there he opened the bag and popped a few in his mouth. His eyes watched her as he chewed and his body seemed to relax. He then rolled up the bag so none would spill. "Maybe after work today we can meet at my place and I can read to you and we can share them together?"

His place. "I... What about my place?" He made an odd expression and she returned a sheepish one. "I'm weird about other people's places." This was absolutely true. After she'd developed her obsession with Spencer, she got nervous being too intimate with other people, in case it shifted to them instead. "Until I'm super comfortable with them. It's kind of weird, I'm sorry."

"No, I get it." And he seemed to, though it was obvious he understood the feeling rather than the context. "Your place."

Y/n went to confirm, but then Hotch came out, the look on his face that meant they had a case. "As much as I'd hate to interrupt your date," he told Reid and Y/n - both who went beet red, making the rest of the team smirk - before holding up the case file. "We have a case. You guys can do it on the plane though, or in the hotel once we get there." At our surprise, he explained further. "We're headed to Alaska, and the storms are going to be very bad this time of year. There won't be much time to call each other, so Garcia will be coming with us as well. Because of the constantly bad weather, the electronics aren't very advanced so we'll need Y/n as well to help Garcia sift through footage and get information as much as possible. Getting information on this case might need more people talking than we have time for, so Y/n will be needed in quite a few places."

Suddenly Y/n was very excited.

She was going out into the field.

Boy, oh boy I love it when I fall for that. I'm weak, and what's wrong with that? Boy, oh boy I love ya when I fall for that. I'm weak- Go! But I'm weak, and what's wrong with that?

Y/n was relieved that after all the hard to swallow cases, the team was finally getting reprieve from a case that was unwinding pretty quickly. Not quickly enough. Never quickly enough, as two more women turned up dead before they had a suspect who seemed to have a third lined up for her grave the next day if they didn’t do something about it.

So, they did something about it. They were working with a team, who had split up to do different things. The woman cleaned the mess left from the torture, and the man finished off the victim in her grave before leaving her body there to be found later by police. Morgan and Prentiss were going after the man, and Spencer and Y/n were supposed to infiltrate the house and hack the computer for information on where the woman was keeping the victims, since it obviously wasn’t at home. Once they did, they’d send word to Hotch and Rossi and they’d take care of the rest.

It all went wrong pretty quickly.

First of all, Spencer hadn’t the book they’d been reading together on the dashboard. It shouldn’t have been a problem, since they’d reading it together every night to unwind before bed. To distract themselves so they could actually get some sleep. Or, Spencer had been reading it to Y/n. The memory was a good one, and had been getting increasingly better. Now that Y/n had come to terms with her feelings, she felt herself easily falling into a closeness with Spencer that left them growing very close. Physically even. They were very touchy and hovered around each other. Even with Spencer’s hesitance to touch people because of his germaphobia, or Y/n’s hesitance to share bits of herself that might reveal her past. The little goodness between them amidst all the bad things was a breath of fresh air for everyone. Not even Hotch had the heart to break them apart - especially when they both deserved to be happy, and why not together?

Even now they were smiling at each other, taking comfort in each other’s presence. Y/n was nervous to be on the field, wearing a bullet proof vest just in case even though no one should have been there. With the skills she’d picked up from Garcia even in the short time she’d had and Spencer’s never failing intelligence, it was going to be an easy in and out mission. No worry.

The book shattered everything.

Or, at least, what was inside of it.

It dropped on the ground of the car and Spencer reached inside to grab it really fast and put it back on the dash. As he did so, something fell out of the later pages much further into the book. Further than where they’d gotten with Y/n’s constant questions and wanting to understand. Something that Spencer had though adorable then, but was now tainted by the thing he held in his hand.

When he didn’t move, Y/n moved over to him. “Pen? What’s wrong?” She’d begun to use the name naturally instead of his title or even first name like everyone else. Usually it made him smile, but now it made him flinch. She reached out for him and he jerked away. “Spencer?” It wasn’t how she’d referred to him in a while. It seemed to upset him even more.

The thin thing spun around in Spencer’s thin fingers so that Y/n could see the other side. When she did, her heart stopped dead in her chest. “What’s this?” Spencer demanded.

In that moment, Y/n was that same scared girl she’d been when Spencer had walked into her precinct with his team for the very first time and all she could think about was how much she didn’t want her past to come back and eat her alive and ruin her life. Because now, staring at her, was Spencer. Or, a picture of him. An extremely old picture of him. A picture that was now six years old, of a Spencer with slicked back hair and vests and glasses, looking at JJ with a huge smile on his face. It was one of the intimate photos Y/n had taken when-

“I burned all of those.” She took a step back, but the movement might as well have been a slap across Spencer’s face for how he flinched.

“You had more?” This time he looked less shocked and more angry.

Y/n tried to find some words. “Had,” she stressed, trying to come up with something. “I- not anymore, not for a long time.”

She could see the gears in his brain turning, but it didn’t seem to be much work to put the puzzle that he was trying to solve together. She thought of all the things that gave her away. The book that was one of his favorites that she just happened to have. The candy she had given him. The shame she’d been carrying with her so long, that had driven them apart even when they shared the same working space. The picture in his hand now that was from a time Y/n was not in his life. A time she should have no record of. And yet she did, and he was holding it out to her as proof.

“It was you?” His words sounded sharp and accusing. She had never heard Spencer y’all like that before.

She tried to explain. Explain how much she’d gotten better and how far she’d come since then. But the words got stuck in her throat. She deserved this. She couldn’t get that thought out of her head. She deserved this. “Spencer-“

“My name is Dr. Reid and I’m a federal agent so you better answer my fucking question.”

Her vision blurred with tears. “Yes,” she whispered. The word held so much pain and regret that Reid stepped away, looking to where there was no trace of her. It hit her then. Slipping the picture in the book as a bookmark all those years ago. It was the only time she’d ever taken a picture out of the box. She’d used it as inspiration to get through the book. Every time she set a goal, she’d save it with the picture and her prize was seeing his smile again. After she’d finished the book, she’d forgotten she’d left the picture in it.

WHAT WAS WRONG WITH HER?!

“You let me become your friend.”

A bubbling sob broke from the back of her throat. “I tried not to,” she begged him to understand. “I tried everything, but it was one thing after another and suddenly I have all these REAL feelings for you and-“ She hissed when his eyes shot back to her, hitting her like he’d hit her with his car. “Reid that was YEARS ago. I’m a totally different person now-“

“This isn’t years ago for me,” Reid snapped, his eyes wide as his mind began to reel.

Y/n looked away. She closed her eyes, feeling her heart drop into her toes. “We have to find out where the next victim is or she’s going to die. Can we talk about this later?”

“I can’t LOOK at you right now let alone with you.” He seemed panicked and Y/n flinched, recoiling. “Are you stalking everyone then?”

“I’m not stalking anyone,” Y/n defended weakly. “Stalked. Past tense.”

“Was it only me?” Spencer demanded.

The question seemed odd. “Yes?” That seemed to trouble him more. She couldn’t take it anymore though. She grabbed her pants to ground herself, turning away from him. “Let’s split up then. I’m not letting work drama cost this girl her life.” She steeled herself, wiped her tears, and then began moving inside from the back door, leaving the front door for Reid. “Just stay here.” He didn’t say anything, just stayed still and letting her go.

She slipped inside, making her way to the computer. She called Garcia as she’d been told to. “Hey G.” She frowned at the name. Did she have to leave the BAU now? If he couldn’t look at her or function, how could she stay? This might be her dream job but this was and had been his life for ages. She couldn’t take that away. No, she’d leave.

But that was later.

This was now.

She had this case to finish before anything else happened.

Garcia asked Y/n about the sniffling but Y/n brushed it off- no reason to get into why she’d been crying. And the case was more important now. Between hiding her own pain and trying to focus on hacking and finding this woman who was waiting to be saved, Y/n didn’t see the woman creep into the woman. The woman, who was one half of the unsub team, who was hefting a metal skillet in one hand and a knife in the other.

“Where’s Spencer?” Garcia asked suddenly. “He should be helping you with this.”

“Outside,” Y/n asked casually.

“What?” Garcia snapped.

Y/n didn’t get the chance to throw a response back though. A knife plunged into her gut and her mind went blank as pain erupted through her like she’d never experienced before. By some luck she knocked the skillet out of the woman’s hand, the chair falling back and the knife slipping out of her gut as she fell.

The unsub sat on Y/n’s chest, hefting the knife over her head, a grin on her face. The woman grabbed Y/n’s phone, leaving close to it. “Any last words?” She purred.

Garcia gasped. “DON’T-!”

The woman closed the phone. “Begging,” she groaned, rolling her eyes. “What a fucking waste of time.” Then she stabbed Y/n again, cutting off a scream that escaped her by some serious luck.

The thought that she was going to die here passed through Y/n’s mind as the knife left her again and she groaned, blinking as her vision began to swim. The pain was all consuming and suddenly she was fading out as the knife buried itself higher in her stomach for a third time. Only one thing left her lips. “I deserve this.”

The woman grinned even wider. “Do yourself a favor and pass out, Dearie. After you I’ll be done. That completes the cycle.”

Y/n didn’t know what the woman meant, but she gave in to the pain anyway. The last thing was her blood on the knife and the woman’s hand as she hefted it over her head to bring it down on Y/n a fourth time. The last thought she had was that she was going to die worse than alone. She was going to die at the hands of a psycho with a knife, in pain and on the floor. Her story would be told by Spencer, who didn’t understand her struggle or how far she had come. It was all over and she’d be remembered as the creepy bitch who’d stalked Spencer Reid years ago and then been unlucky enough to end up actually falling in love with him.

Splendid.

It was quiet in the room outside of where Y/b was still unconscious in the hospital bed. When Garcia had called Reid in a panic he had run inside, because stalker or not Y/n was part of his team and he wasn’t going to let her die just because he felt a little disturbed.

The truth was that he was actually torn in a lot of directions at the moment. Knowing that there had been two stalkers, or maybe one after the other, was an unsettling thought. If Y/n had just been watching Spencer, there was still a stalker out there watching all of them, and no way would they not be jealous of how Y/n had been successful in getting close, if they knew about it at all.

There was also the fact that Spencer had fallen really hard for Y/n. He had some very strong feelings for her, but low every memory and feeling seemed to be tainted by the image of Y/n sitting in her car outside his house, or looking over him as he slept. How long ago had she stopped? Why had she stopped? How far had she gotten with stalking him? How long had she been doing it before she stopped? He thought of the day he walked out to those Skittles on his car and his heart had completely stopped as all the stalker cases filled his head in one go, as they did now. So many more cases now though, and much more fear.

What did she know that he didn’t know she knew? That she’d learned from watching him without him knowing?

When he apprehended to woman unsub and called an ambulance for Y/n, they’d all ended up in the hospital as they too often did with cases that went just a little wrong. Hotch had wrung the story out of him and now everyone was here and had heard the full story, especially his explanation of why he let Y/n go in alone.

Eyes slowly moved to Spencer, but he couldn’t handle it. He left, making up some reason about wrapping up the case and telling the local police they’d succeeded and such to get back to the precinct and to a computer.

It took him an hour to find Michael Bills. He was Y/n’s therapist. Spencer had dug deep into Y/n to get answers to his questions. Answers he couldn’t wait to get when she woke up, because he needed them right now. She had done everything to keep Michael and her past buried, but with help from Garcia he’d been able to dig it all up.

He called Michael the second he found the connection. “This is Dr. Bills speaking, how can I-“

“Tell me what you know about Y/n,” Spencer demanded. “Please,” he added shortly as an afterthought. This man had known. He had KNOWN and he just, what, didn’t say anything? Let Y/n keep going? Let her work with Spencer?! He was in town, how did he not stop her, knowing what she did?

There was a soft sigh. “Is this Dr. Spencer Reid then?”

He didn’t seem surprised. It agitated Spencer. How much did this man know about him to be able to read the situation and put it all together so quickly? “Yes,” he finally answered.

Michael hesitated. “What do you want to know?”

“You’re just going to tell me?” Spencer asked, eyebrows knitting together. “What about Doctor-Patient confidentiality?”

A pause. “Y/n would want me to tell you. I’d rather it be me anyway. If she did it she’d be too hard on herself and no one else was there.”

“Too hard on herself?” Spencer snapped.

Another pause. “Dr. Reid, talking as a professional, Y/n was a very strange case. She came in tears, begging me to make sense of her mental state and help her get better. Told me first session that she was stalking an FBI agent and that she felt terrible for doing it but she was in too deep to stop herself. She cane to me for help, a total mess, and did every single thing I told her to do. Worked with me and was open and honest when something didn’t work. She worked two whole years to shake you from her mind and make a better life for herself. I was there when she burned the pictures. I was there when she threw away her camera and emptied her apartment of everything she could find that reminded her of you.”

“Not everything.” He was trying to find something she was still guilty of. It seemed it had been over ages ago. “She still had my favorite book. One of her pictures inside it.”

Michael hummed, considering that. “She probably missed it. Dismissed it later, as it was just a book. I... look, Dr. Reid, I can only speculate as far as that but I can tell you from first hand experience she did a 180. Coming from someone who wanted to turn her in because I didn’t want to get involved with a federal agent and his stalker, I tell you now with full confidence that Y/n is absolutely everything. Her job. Her friends. Her time. Her sanity and peace of mind. Her self respect. Coming to terms with being a creep was hard for her to do, and she still holds herself accountable for that.”

“Why did she become friends with me?” He had to know. He was desperate. He needed something to be angry at her about. How could he hold something that had ended SIX YEARS AGO over her head now? She’d saved Spencer’s life more times than she’d put it in danger. “And- and how far did she get? Does she know where I live? Did she come into my house?”

“No,” Michael rushed. “It- well this won’t be funny to you, but we used to joke that even when she was crazy she still had enough sense to draw a line. She... never followed you home. It was something she was proud of.” S long silence between the two men. “Honestly Dr. Reid, I’m going to tell you what I told her. Years ago she had an obsession with a boy she had a crush on. A fantasy where you were the center. But she broke that herself and cleaned herself up, allowing a space for you two to genuinely form a relationship. I think whatever she’s feeling now? The relationship you guys have? I think it’s genuine, and totally safe and real. I think she is as far from crazy as one can get. She pulled HERSELF away from stalking. She’d been done a year before we even started working together. Have you ever seen anyone do that?”

Spencer had to admit, he hadn’t. He also had to admit that... he had nothing to be mad at her about. I mean he did, but he was six years too late to lord this over her. She didn’t deserve to have all her hard work ignored and years erased. She didn’t deserve to have the lowest she’d ever been - the worst thing she’d ever done - shoved in her face and down her throat. She was kind and good and caring. She deserved someone who gave her the time of day and respected the shit she went through to make a real life for herself. Who recognized all she’d done to leave behind a destructive path and end up working for the FBI in the BAU, practicing to be an agent and save lives and stop people like who she’d almost become.

Spencer rubbed their bridge of his nose, sighing. “Thank you.”

He could hear the smile in Michael’s voice when the man spoke again. “My pleasure.”

Spencer ended the call, standing up from his desk. He had even lore to explain to his team, and when Y/n woke up... they had even more to talk about.

Boy oh boy I love it when I fall for that.

Y/n didn't know what people usually dreamed about when they went into a coma, but she really hoped it wasn't anything like this. She had no idea how long she'd been out, but in her little mind palace it seemed she'd been here for eons. She remembered a time before here but it was almost like a dream, or at best a story she read when she was a child. She HAD been a child after all, even though she couldn't remember it. All she could remember was here and now, sitting in the dark of nighttime in this field, fingers every so often wrapping around the grass to feel it before letting it go and going completely still before doing it again after a while. It was silent here. No wind or night animals. Just the moon and stars and the dark, tall blobs in the corners of her vision that she assumed were trees. Or some monster that was waiting to kill her. Either way she didn't have any fear for it. Monsters weren't real after all, right? She'd been sure of that once. Now she wasn't so sure though. Monsters didn't have horns and claws and fangs like she thought, but they were just as real. She saw one every time she looked in the mirror.

Is that why she was here? Was it a punishment for everything she'd done? Had it been so wrong that she had been trapped here in this eternal nighttime, unable to move as she looked at the stars and wondered when something would happen? Nothing did happen though. She just sat there in the dark, alone. At least the air wasn't too cold and the ground was comfortable.

Hold on that wasn't right. She wasn't a monster. She'd seen monsters. She'd seen the blood on their hands, and the hunger for more of it in their eyes. She had seen the pile of bodies and the tension in bodies that would never truly leave, even if they did survive. She'd seen people get murdered live and watched as people other than just the monster with its fingers around her neck got off on it like it was some kind of porn. She'd seen a monster have sex with its girlfriend in the places it killed other women. She'd seen people murder those they loved most because they thought it would help increase their luck. She'd seen fantasies so thick and twisted that it didn't even make sense to those with normal minds. Those like her who knew when a line had been crossed.

She wasn't like those people. She had been headed down that path, changing into one of them, but she had stopped herself. She'd never be able to cover all the scars from the healing it had taken to e herself again, but she was herself as much as she could be after flipping everything on its head and making it out for the better. Well, as herself as she could be without going back to old habits. Better than her original self, even.

She was a good person. She'd made mistakes, but she'd also made up for them god damnit. She'd sacrificed everything to make herself a person who made life better for others. She didn't deserve to be alone in a field, surrounded by maybe trees maybe monsters with no grasp on the past and therefore no acknowledgement of the future. She didn't deserve to sit in the dark with no good company, trying to make sense of the here-and-now foggy place her mind had been wedged.

It was that thought that pulled her out of it. Pulled away from the dark forest with the stars that began to disappear as shadowy figures stepped int he way of her seeing them. Pulled away from the sleep, jerking her awake, eyes shooting wide as her body spasmmed, hands wrapped tightly around her sheets. Tears were already streaming down her face and something was beeping sporadically. A burning pain ripped through her body and all she could see was the last thing that had been there before she'd been taken to that place that was nowhere and everywhere all at once. A hand gripped her arm and she screamed, her vision blurred by her tears.

"Y/n." That voice. She knew that voice. It cut through her panic, such a familiar sound with so much care and concern in it. A voice she never thought she'd hear again, let alone with those emotions in it. Her eyes focused as her gaze sought out the face she was so hoping to see. To her relief, her eyes locked with another pair, brown and large with concern and warm.

"Spencer?" She croaked out, leaning away in surprise.

The room grew still and quiet until Y/n's head cleared and slowly everything came back piece by piece. The room was full of who she guessed was now her ex-coworkers. People she saw once as family, but now knew probably hated her. No one could make eye contact with her except Spencer. They were too busy looking at him as he looked at her. Y/n felt her head fall as she looked at her lap in shame. She wanted to apologize. She wanted the ground to open up and swallow her whole. She wanted none of them to be there. Why didn't she just wake up alone?

When she went to pull her knees to her chest to hide her face, she winced, her hand shooting to her stomach. "Careful," a nearby doctor warned her. "You'll pull your stitches.

Then her mind cleared more, and she remembered the woman above her. The sick smile that twisted her face as the knife went in and out of Y/n again and again. Y/n closed her eyes, leaning back into bed and pulling the blanket over her head, groaning softly. Now that it seemed her freak out had passed, everyone was filing out of the room. Had they been outside waiting for her to wake up? Maybe they felt obligated since they had a relationship with her, even though they probably didn't want to anymore. Maybe they were just waiting to say goodbye and fire her.

Her mind began racing, filling with thoughts that made her chest hurt much more than her stomach did. When it went quiet outside and she thought she was alone, she began crying. She moved her hand against her mouth to muffle it, but allowed herself to let go and release the little sobs she'd been locking within. Her worst fear had come true. Her past mistakes had unearthed and were ruining her life once again. All the friendships she'd made. The job she so loved and was looking forward to becoming a bigger part in was being taken from her before she could even really start.

A hand skimmed her shoulder and she squeaked and jumped, moving her blanket down in surprise. To her horror, none other than Dr. Reid himself was sitting in the chair next to her bed, looking rather upset. He probably was listening to her self pity and loathing it. Loathing that she could feel bad for herself when he probably felt she deserved every injury she'd gotten. Did he hate her that much? Was everything so far ruined in such a short time? If she could go back in time she'd go back to the first day she saw him in that stupid coffee shop and strangle herself. How could she have been so stupid?

Self loathing like she'd not felt since she'd first realized how messed up she was began to rise up in her chest and consume her. Her chest restricted and her heart began to burn. Her throat closed and she found she couldn't breathe. "I-" She cut off, her eyebrows coming together as her face tensed as she struggled to breathe.

Spencer's concern grew. "Are you okay?"

Her hand rose to her chest, trying to massage it as if it was a tight muscle rather than a panic attack. She knew herself well enough to know that's what it was. She used to get these all the time, and still did occasionally. It started when she'd had a breakdown over her actions against Spencer and hadn't left her fully since. "I'm- fine," she managed, her face contorting further at the pain it caused her. "I-" She sucked in a breath and felt it get lodged in her throat.

"Panic attack," Spencer realized quietly.

"I'm-" But again it was cut off as she winced, shaking her head. She covered her face.

Spencer reached over, grabbing a pen off a nearby desk. It looked to be some sort of table, with food on top of it. It must have had wheels, because he pulled on it and it moved closer. He moved the food off, putting the desk in between them and setting the pen on top. "Can I show you something?" She looked over, feeling the urge to snap at him but holding it back because he didn't deserve that. Why didn't he just leave? "I can move this pen with my mind," he told her confidently. "Do you want to see?"

That caught her attention. "Uh-" But then she winced again.

He took that as a yes and stood up. He picked up the pen, holding it out for her to see. "Give me a second as I..." He rubbed it on his pants. "I have to charge it with static electricity. It makes the pen move better and connects it to my mind so I can move it better."

"So you move it with static electricity?" She asks quietly. Her words were a little breathless but came nonetheless.

He tried to hide a smile and failed. "No. I move it with my mind." She rolled her eyes and he chuckled. He placed it back on the table when he finished "charging" it and then pointed at it, sitting back down. "Now, watch this." She did just that, her eyes on the pen on the table and his finger as he pointed to it. His finger began to move forward and to her shock and wonder, the pen began to roll along with it. It went on and on until it fell off the end of the other side of the table, his hand dropping to catch it at the last second.

"Okay that was not some static electricity bullshit," Y/n accused, pointing her own finger but at him rather than at a pen on a table. "How did you do that?"

The grin on Spencer's face was contagious, pulling up Y/n's own lips. "A magician never reveals his secrets, you know that." She rolled her eyes and laughed and he relaxed. "You feel better?"

His words made her stop short. "You... Yeah." Her chest had loosened and her body had relaxed. There's wasn't any pain. She could breathe just fine. "How did you do that?"

"Distraction." That was an answer he could give her. "I took your focus away from what you were thinking and feeling and it allowed your body to move on more quickly."

Y/n was quiet for a few seconds. Long enough that the silence was noticeable and Spencer felt the urge to reach out and comfort Y/n when she looked away from him. "Why did you help me?"

He knew what the real questions behind that was and he sighed. "I talked to Michael." She looked up at him sharply. He was already looking back and their eyes locked. There was no judgement in his gaze and it surprised her. "I was... a little freaked out at first. The BAU has a stalker. One that's been following all of us and has been killing people to show that he knows our cases. Sending us gifts to let us know he's there. I thought you were..."

Y/n shook her head. "God no. I could never kill anyone, Spencer."

"I know." He offered a small smile. "Six years ago huh?"

A small groan came from Y/n. "I hate thinking about it." She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. "And I don't expect you to forgive me, Spenc-" He cut off, shaking her head. "Dr. Reid. I don't expect you to trust me again either. And I especially don't expect you to work me considering you don't trust me, so I'm quitting."

Spencer jerked. "Y/n, this is your dream job. What you've always wanted."

She nodded. "I know that, but there are other things that people do. I don't expect people will hire me as an officer of any kind once this goes on my record, so I'll just have to do..." She shrugged, her face set as she glared at her hands. "Something else."

"You're an idiot." She looked over, confused, to see him smiling. "I know why you're doing this, and you're a total idiot." She didn't know what to say to that, so Spencer simply continued. "Did you know that a few years ago I was kidnapped during a case? I was drugged really badly. So much so that I got addicted while on it. Or maybe it was before when I found more of it once I was home and continued to use it. Either way, it got bad pretty fast. Hotch found out and told me that he would have to let me go if this continued. You can't give someone who's drugged a gun. I even... came to work once." He winced and Y/n felt her heart shatter in her chest. She knew what he was talking about. She remembered that span of time he seemed off. Distant and faded. She'd thought it had been the job getting to him. Maybe depression. Shed never imagined something like this. "If we were all judged by the worst things we'd ever done. Held accountable for mistakes we made years ago. If we were all judged based on the lowest points in our life, I wouldn't be here either." He reached forward, taking one of her hands between two of his. "I'd like you to stay. You add a very important piece to our team, and... I'd miss you. You're my friend, Y/n. No matter what you did over half a decade ago, YOU stopped it and got better. You didn't have to be stopped by someone else. You changed it made a better life for yourself and now we have a relationship that is very real and I don't have many of those." He looked at her and suddenly 'friendship' sounded different when he said it. "I'd like you to stay."

Well, how could she say no to that?

"So what's going on with you two?"

Y/n was half asleep, her head on Spencer's shoulder. After she'd gotten out of the hospital and returned to work her and Spencer had been inseparable. Now that the air was clear they could be honest with each other. They still weren't doing anything about the feelings they both seemed to have. Y/n was nervous to cross that line and Spencer wanted her to feel free to take things as slow as needed. He'd be lying if he didn't admit that he also needed time to come to terms with her past himself. They'd had a long talk about it, with Y/n telling him what she knew and how far she'd gone in stalking him. It had been a hard thing to hear, but most of the information was fuzzy for her to recall or outdated, so it didn't matter. Even more had been overlapped by what she'd learned naturally through their current friendship, so that helped. In return of his forgiveness, she'd gone on a rant of all the stupid things she did in high school - not something he'd asked her to do, but something she'd insisted on anyway. He'd been laughing so hard at the end of her most embarrassing high school moments that all had been forgiven and it didn't seem as weird anymore. Maybe he just had a higher tolerance than he should.

Now they were here, much closer and familiar with each other as well as much more open and honest. Y/n never pressured Spencer to tell her anything, sensing the line he'd silently drawn of her getting too much into his business. She chose to be quite open herself though. To the whole team, not just Spencer. The team thought there would have been more hesitance, but before Spencer knew about all of this and it had put a little chip into their relationships, he'd been pretty sure of much stronger feelings than friendship so it had progressed pretty quickly.

It didn't matter what either of them had done in the past. They were much more concerned with what they were doing it now, and making sure that they did as much of it as possible together.

Spencer chose to hum rather than shrug, in favor of not waking Y/n. "I like her. She likes me."

"And everything else?" It was Morgan asking. The man was always protective of Spencer, but Y/n had been his friend too and he felt the need to have her back as well. Of this whole thing went south it might end up REALLY ugly.

"It doesn't matter," Spencer decided. And then he let it go. And Y/n felt her own chest release, finally really setting all those old fears free. It just didn't matter anymore.

Morgan nodded though Y/n couldn't see that. "Cool."

And that was the end of it.

"I can't believe it's real," Y/n whispered softly. She had gone through school. She was graduated. She was a REAL member of the BAU now. Badge and gun and all. She thought of her younger self looking at that TV screen as she watched the news as a child, and how proud that little girl would be to see who she had grown up to be. Her eyes turned to her friends. "I did it."

Spencer moved forward first. "And now there's something I have to do." They hadn't been as close since Y/n had gone to school, but they still talked all they could and hung out around their schedules. The most they'd seen each other was between calls at work - but then it was mostly dead bodies talk and asking her to research people who might be killers, or at least connected to them. Now was one of the few times they'd been in person, and would be the first of many as she'd be following them on cases rather than staying behind with Garcia.

He took the pause of a moment to grab her face, pulling their lips together, and she let him. They'd made a deal to wait until she was graduated so that neither of them were distracted amidst all the very important things that required their attention more. Now they didn't have to wait anymore.

The rest of the team cheered and hooted and hollered but the kiss didn't last long. It wasn't a surprise, but it had been long awaited and even the chaste exchange was something to be celebrated.

"To the future?" Y/n offered quietly.

"To the future," Spencer agreed.

"As long as you guys aren't idiots on the field," Emily groaned. Her smile let them know she was joking though.

"No promises," Y/n responded easily, the two separating so she could sass her friends that had become family so quickly. "Especially to you." She smirked and the room erupted in laughter and acknowledgement of Y/n's jab at Emily.

Yeah, they were going to be just fine.

Tag List: @ajwantsapancake @urie-bowie-mercury

Spencer Readers: @realimbo

#spencer reid #matthew gray gubler #x reader #imagine #criminal minds #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #criminal minds imagine #matthew gray gubler x reader #matthew gray gubler imagine

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stuckinapatriarchalbullshitland · 4 years

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Lauren IG Live///Anxiety

youtube

I was part of my night thinking about Lauren's Instagram Live. Especially where she talks about her anxiety and what triggered the problem. She mentioned that her anxiety came much further back in time when the TXF thing happened and by browsing her blog I was able to understand one of the reasons why her anxiety could have been so tangible.

It is a clear sign that Lauren apparently grew up with the typical pressure of the older sister. The one who has to get good grades, be the first in the class, give a good image to the younger siblings and follow the rules, leaving the younger siblings free to do whatever they want because they are younger. And Lauren's post about her sister listening to the TV in loud volume as she tries to study seems to confirm it. Since I joined the fandom and got to know Lauren a little, I realized that the dynamics of her and her family were different than the rest of the girls. Especially with Camila but I do not want to put Camila much in this post yet so I will leave it at that. I always felt Lauren more removed from her family. More in their vibe than spending a lot of time with them. I wasn't here during TXF or when Fifth Harmony started but apparently Lauren's parents weren't as involved in taking care of the girls as the rest of the parents, am I wrong? That does not mean that they were not there, because they were, but apparently not in the way that, for example, Sinu was always there with them. For me Sinu Cabello was the second mom of all the girls during all that time and I do not know why but I love to know But back to Lauren and the trigger of her anxiety. If we see the context of where she grew up, with the friends she grew up with. She talked about the pressure of trying to fit into an environment that wasn't really hers, (starting because Lauren was a scholarship student in a private school with a friend with a dad and yes, I'm talking about Lucy Vives), trying to keep up with her. her friends who always lived a more comfortable situation and we all know that Lauren was always more humble is a point to keep in mind. Especially because of how badly Lauren has always brought fame.

This photo is very special to me because of how her and Lauren's friends look. In the image I feel Lauren as a little dot too cute to be surrounded by popular girls. (And beware, that does not mean that they are bad friends because I like their friends, my reference is not if the girls are good with Lauren or not, but rather I am talking about the image itself. The visual representation of the photo) . But the pressure of wanting to fit into a group that doesn't really belong to you or doesn't feel 100 percent identified is bullshit. Should not exist. There should be no social groups or pigeonholes. That is the most damaging thing that can exist within a school, university or even work environment. The human being should be free to roam around as many groups as he wants, take experiences from different people and not be identified as part of a certain group just because of your style of dress or if you have money or not. I hate that stupid hierarchy with all my soul. I am grateful that I did not have that in my college years, I was more a free spirit who went at my own pace and used to get together with the people with whom I was more in tune and tried to talk to everyone. I never felt that pressure to fit in because I was always in lay public schools. But Lauren's pressure was triple. Not only did she feel the need to fit in, but she also had to hide for years her sexual preference for fear of discrimination and bullying.

Every time I think about it, it fucks my soul because it's not fair. It's not fair that she had to go through all of that before TXF and then all the shit that happened during the band time ... Lauren if you ever read this I admire you girl. Fuck, I wouldn't have survived that shit a million years. How they manage to survive extreme pressure, because the industry is toxic that really hurts you. I do not know. But if there is one good thing behind TXF and Fifth Harmony it is that it brought together a group of girls so different that they fit in. Just like Camila and Lauren fit separately or just like Dinah and Normani fit (Poor Ally always hangs in the air ...) I don't know if my point was understood but I understand Lauren's constant struggle and that she will have to deal with it for the rest of her life, but I'm sure the years will give her more wisdom, more temperance. She will have more tools to deal with what comes her way because if there is one good thing that the years leave you with it is the experience and the opportunity to know yourself more and she will achieve it. Lauren, Camila, Dinah, Normani and Ally are survivors. Survivors from an environment as toxic as the music industry but I think that with a good support system behind them, they will be fine. And Lauren, she will be even wiser than she already is and I hope to continue here to see it.

#lauren jauregui #anxiety #ig live #camila cabello #fifth harmony #dinah #normani #ally #txf #personal thoughts

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tswiftdaily · 5 years

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In the 2010s, she went from country superstar to pop titan and broke records with chart-topping albums and blockbuster tours. Now Swift is using her industry clout to fight for artists’ rights and foster the musical community she wished she had coming up.

One evening in late-October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became -- as it often does -- an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello -- the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in -- I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

Swift, who will celebrate her 30th birthday on Dec. 13, has been impossibly famous for nearly half of her lifetime. She was 16 when she released her self-titled debut album in 2006, and 20 when her second album, Fearless, won the Grammy Award for album of the year in 2010, making her the youngest artist to ever receive the honor. As the decade comes to a close, Swift is one of the most accomplished musical acts of all time: 37.3 million albums sold, according to Nielsen Music; 95 entries on the Billboard Hot 100 (including five No. 1s); 23 Billboard Music Awards; 12 Country Music Association Awards; 10 Grammys; and five world tours.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop -- hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 -- reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation -- which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West -- as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family -- there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” -- 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year -- starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to -- in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary -- claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights -- and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists -- and make them nonrecoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come -- and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise -- but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year -- like Saturday Night Live and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert -- I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say.

That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time recalibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way -- on your Tumblr page.

Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around -- they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue -- like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to?

Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop -- we all have each other’s numbers and text each other -- but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now?

God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally?

From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas.

The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent?

That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so.

“Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in -- if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about?

Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all?

I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists.

I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently -- staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals.

We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about recalibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers.

We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal -- not as a renegotiation ploy -- and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me.

Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take?

I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time?

Oh, God -- I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but … I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

#taylor swift #interview #billboard #women in music #woman of the decade

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path-of-my-childhood · 5 years

Text

Billboard Woman of the Decade Taylor Swift: 'I Do Want My Music to Live On'

By: Jason Lipshutz for Billboard Magazine Date: December 14th issue

One evening in late October, before she performed at a benefit concert at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles, Taylor Swift’s dressing room became - as it often does - an impromptu summit of music’s biggest names. Swift was there to take part in the American Cancer Society’s annual We Can Survive concert alongside Billie Eilish, Lizzo, Camila Cabello and others, and a few of the artists on the lineup came by to visit.

Eilish, along with her mother and her brother/collaborator, Finneas O’Connell, popped in to say hello - the first time she and Swift had met. Later, Swift joined the exclusive club of people who have seen Marshmello without his signature helmet when the EDM star and his manager stopped by.

“Two dudes walked in - I didn’t know which one was him,” recalls Swift a few weeks later, sitting on a lounge chair in the backyard of a private Beverly Hills residence following a photo shoot. Her momentary confusion turned into a pang of envy. “It’s really smart! Because he’s got a life, and he can get a house that doesn’t have to have a paparazzi-proof entrance.” She stops to adjust her gray sweatshirt dress and lets out a clipped laugh.

She also finishes the decade in a totally different realm of the music world from where she started. Swift’s crossover from country to pop - hinted at on 2012’s Red and fully embraced on 2014’s 1989 - reflected a mainstream era in which genres were blended with little abandon, where artists with roots in country, folk and trap music could join forces without anyone raising eyebrows. (See: Swift’s top 20 hit “End Game,” from 2017’s reputation, which featured Ed Sheeran and Future.)

Swift’s new album, Lover, released in August, is both a warm break from the darkness of reputation - which was created during a wave of negative press generated by Swift’s public clash with Kanye West and Kim Kardashian-West - as well as an amalgam of all her stylistic explorations through the years, from dreamy synth-pop to hushed country. “The skies were opening up in my life,” says Swift of the album, which garnered three Grammy nominations, including song of the year for the title track.

She recorded Lover after the Reputation Stadium Tour broke the record for the highest-grossing U.S. tour late last year. In 2020, Swift will embark on Lover Fest, a run of stadium dates that will feature a hand-picked lineup of artists (as yet unannounced) and allow Swift more time off from the road. “This is a year where I have to be there for my family - there’s a lot of question marks throughout the next year, so I wanted to make sure that I could go home,” says Swift, likely referencing her mother’s cancer diagnosis, which inspired the Lover heart-wrencher “Soon You’ll Get Better.”

Now, however, Swift finds herself in a different highly publicized dispute. This time it’s with Scott Borchetta, the head of her former label, Big Machine Records, and Scooter Braun, the manager-mogul whose Ithaca Holdings acquired Big Machine Label Group and its master recordings, which include Swift’s six pre-Lover albums, in June. Upon news of the sale, Swift wrote in a Tumblr post that it was her “worst case scenario,” accusing Braun of “bullying” her throughout her career due to his connections with West. She maintains today that she was never given the opportunity to buy her masters outright. (On Tumblr, she wrote that she was offered the chance to “earn” back the masters to one of her albums for each new album she turned in if she re-signed with Big Machine; Borchetta disputed this characterization, saying she had the opportunity to acquire her masters in exchange for re-signing with the label for a “length of time” - 10 more years, according to screenshots of legal documents posted on the Big Machine website.)

Swift has said that she intends to rerecord her first six albums next year, starting next November, when she says she’s contractually able to - in order to regain control of her recordings. But the back-and-forth appears to be nowhere near over: Last month, Swift alleged that Borchetta and Braun were blocking her from performing her past hits at the American Music Awards or using them in an upcoming Netflix documentary - claims Big Machine characterized as “false information” in a response that did not get into specifics. (Swift ultimately performed the medley she had planned.) In the weeks following this interview, Braun said he was open to “all possibilities” in finding a “resolution,” and Billboard sources say that includes negotiating a sale. Swift remains interested in buying her masters, though the price could be a sticking point, given her rerecording plans, the control she has over the licensing of her music for film and TV, and the market growth since Braun’s acquisition.

However it plays out, the battle over her masters is the latest in a series of moves that has turned Swift into something of an advocate for artists’ rights, and made her a cause that everyone from Halsey to Elizabeth Warren has rallied behind. From 2014 to 2017, Swift withheld her catalog from Spotify to protest the streaming company’s compensation rates, saying in a 2014 interview, “There should be an inherent value placed on art. I didn’t see that happening, perception-wise, when I put my music on Spotify.” In 2015, ahead of the launch of Apple Music, Swift wrote an open letter criticizing Apple for its plan to not pay royalties during the three-month free trial it was set to offer listeners; the company announced a new policy within 24 hours. Most recently, when she signed a new global deal with Universal Music Group in 2018, Swift (who is now on Republic Records) said one of the conditions of her contract was that UMG share proceeds from any sale of its Spotify equity with its roster of artists - and make them non-recoupable against those artists’ earnings.

During a wide-ranging conversation, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade expresses hope that she can help make the lives of creators a little easier in the years to come - and a belief that her behind-the-scenes strides will be as integral to her legacy as her biggest singles. “New artists and producers and writers need work, and they need to be likable and get booked in sessions, and they can’t make noise - but if I can, then I’m going to,” promises Swift. This is where being impossibly famous can be a very good thing. “I know that it seems like I’m very loud about this,” she says, “but it’s because someone has to be.”

While watching some of your performances this year - like SNL and NPR’s Tiny Desk Concert - I was struck by how focused you seemed, like there were no distractions getting in the way of what you were trying to say. That’s a really wonderful way of looking at this phase of my life and my music. I’ve spent a lot of time re-calibrating my life to make it feel manageable. Because there were some years there where I felt like I didn’t quite know what exactly to give people and what to hold back, what to share and what to protect. I think a lot of people go through that, especially in the last decade. I broke through pre-social media, and then there was this phase where social media felt fun and casual and quirky and safe. And then it got to the point where everyone has to evaluate their relationship with social media. So I decided that the best thing I have to offer people is my music. I’m not really here to influence their fashion or their social lives. That has bled through into the live part of what I do.

Meanwhile, you’ve found a way to interact with your fans in this very pure way - on your Tumblr page. Tumblr is the last place on the internet where I feel like I can still make a joke because it feels small, like a neighborhood rather than an entire continent. We can kid around - they literally drag me. It’s fun. That’s a real comfort zone for me. And just like anything else, I need breaks from it sometimes. But when I do participate in that space, it’s always in a very inside-joke, friend vibe. Sometimes, when I open Twitter, I get so overwhelmed that I just immediately close it. I haven’t had Twitter on my phone in a while because I don’t like to have too much news. Like, I follow politics, and that’s it. But I don’t like to follow who has broken up with who, or who wore an interesting pair of shoes. There’s only so much bandwidth my brain can really have.

You’ve spoken in recent interviews about the general expectations you’ve faced, using phrases like “They’ve wanted to see this” and “They hated me for this.” Who is “they”? Is it social media or disparaging think pieces or... It’s sort of an amalgamation of all of it. People who aren’t active fans of your music, who like one song but love to hear who has been canceled on Twitter. I’ve had several upheavals of somehow not being what I should be. And this happens to women in music way more than men. That’s why I get so many phone calls from new artists out of the blue - like, “Hey, I’m getting my first wave of bad press, I’m freaking out, can I talk to you?” And the answer is always yes! I’m talking about more than 20 people who have randomly reached out to me. I take it as a compliment because it means that they see what has happened over the course of my career, over and over again.

Did you have someone like that to reach out to? Not really, because my career has existed in lots of different neighborhoods of music. I had so many mentors in country music. Faith Hill was wonderful. She would reach out to me and invite me over and take me on tour, and I knew that I could talk to her. Crossing over to pop is a completely different world. Country music is a real community, and in pop I didn’t see that community as much. Now there is a bit of one between the girls in pop - we all have each other’s numbers and text each other - but when I first started out in pop it was very much you versus you versus you. We didn’t have a network, which is weird because we can help each other through these moments when you just feel completely isolated.

Do you feel like those barriers are actively being broken down now? God, I hope so. I also hope people can call it out, [like] if you see a Grammy prediction article, and it’s just two women’s faces next to each other and feels a bit gratuitous. No one’s going to start out being perfectly educated on the intricacies of gender politics. The key is that people are trying to learn, and that’s great. No one’s going to get it perfect, but, God, please try.

At this point, who is your sounding board, creatively and professionally From a creative standpoint, I’ve been writing alone a lot more. I’m good with being alone, with thinking alone. When I come up with a marketing idea for the Lover tour, the album launch, the merch, I’ll go right to my management company that I’ve put together. I think a team is the best way to be managed. Just from my experience, I don’t think that this overarching, one-person-handles-my-career thing was ever going to work for me. Because that person ends up kind of being me who comes up with most of the ideas, and then I have an amazing team that facilitates those ideas. The behind-the-scenes work is different for every phase of my career that I’m in. Putting together the festival shows that we’re doing for Lover is completely different than putting together the Reputation Stadium Tour. Putting together the reputation launch was so different than putting together the 1989 launch. So we really do attack things case by case, where the creative first informs everything else.

You’ve spoken before about how meaningful the reputation tour’s success was. What did it represent? That tour was something that I wanted to immortalize in the Netflix special that we did because the album was a story, but it almost was like a story that wasn’t fully realized until you saw it live. It was so cool to hear people leaving the show being like, “I understand it now. I fully get it now.” There are a lot of red herrings and bait-and-switches in the choices that I’ll make with albums, because I want people to go and explore the body of work. You can never express how you feel over the course of an album in a single, so why try?

That seems especially true of your last three albums or so. “Shake It Off” is nothing like the rest of 1989. It’s almost like I feel so much pressure with a first single that I don’t want the first single to be something that makes you feel like you’ve figured out what I’ve made on the rest of the project. I still truly believe in albums, whatever form you consume them in - if you want to stream them or buy them or listen to them on vinyl. And I don’t think that makes me a staunch purist. I think that that is a strong feeling throughout the music industry. We’re running really fast toward a singles industry, but you got to believe in something. I still believe that albums are important.

The music industry has become increasingly global during the past decade. Is reaching new markets something you think about? Yeah, and I’m always trying to learn. I’m learning from everyone. I’m learning when I go see Bruce Springsteen or Madonna do a theater show. And I’m learning from new artists who are coming out right now, just seeing what they’re doing and thinking, “That’s really cool.” You need to keep your influences broad and wide-ranging, and my favorite people who make music have always done that. I got to work with Andrew Lloyd Webber on the Cats movie, and Andrew will walk through the door and be like, “I’ve just seen this amazing thing on TikTok!” And I’m like, “You are it! You are it!” Because you cannot look at what quote-unquote “the kids are doing” and roll your eyes. You have to learn.

Have you explored TikTok at all? I only see them when they’re posted to Tumblr, but I love them! I think that they’re hilarious and amazing. Andrew says that they’ve made musicals cool again, because there’s a huge musical facet to TikTok. [He’s] like, “Any way we can do that is good.”

How do you see your involvement in the business side of your career progressing in the next decade? You seem like someone who could eventually start a label or be more hands-on with signing artists. I do think about it every once in a while, but if I was going to do it, I would need to do it with all of my energy. I know how important that is, when you’ve got someone else’s career in your hands, and I know how it feels when someone isn’t generous.

You’ve served as an ambassador of sorts for artists, especially recently - staring down streaming services over payouts, increasing public awareness about the terms of record deals. We have a long way to go. I think that we’re working off of an antiquated contractual system. We’re galloping toward a new industry but not thinking about re-calibrating financial structures and compensation rates, taking care of producers and writers. We need to think about how we handle master recordings, because this isn’t it. When I stood up and talked about this, I saw a lot of fans saying, “Wait, the creators of this work do not own their work, ever?” I spent 10 years of my life trying rigorously to purchase my masters outright and was then denied that opportunity, and I just don’t want that to happen to another artist if I can help it. I want to at least raise my hand and say, “This is something that an artist should be able to earn back over the course of their deal - not as a renegotiation ploy - and something that artists should maybe have the first right of refusal to buy.” God, I would have paid so much for them! Anything to own my work that was an actual sale option, but it wasn’t given to me. Thankfully, there’s power in writing your music. Every week, we get a dozen synch requests to use “Shake It Off” in some advertisement or “Blank Space” in some movie trailer, and we say no to every single one of them. And the reason I’m rerecording my music next year is because I do want my music to live on. I do want it to be in movies, I do want it to be in commercials. But I only want that if I own it.

Do you know how long that rerecording process will take? I don’t know! But it’s going to be fun, because it’ll feel like regaining a freedom and taking back what’s mine. When I created [these songs], I didn’t know what they would grow up to be. Going back in and knowing that it meant something to people is actually a really beautiful way to celebrate what the fans have done for my music.

Ten years ago, on the brink of the 2010s, you were about to turn 20. What advice would you give yourself if you could go back in time? Oh, God - I wouldn’t give myself any advice. I would have done everything exactly the same way. Because even the really tough things I’ve gone through taught me things that I never would have learned any other way. I really appreciate my experience, the ups and downs. And maybe that seems ridiculously Zen, but... I’ve got my friends, who like me for the right reasons. I’ve got my family. I’ve got my boyfriend. I’ve got my fans. I’ve got my cats.

Taylor Swift Discusses 'The Man' & 'It's Nice To Have a Friend' In Cover Story Outtakes

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 12th 2019

During her cover story interview for Billboard’s Women In Music issue, Taylor Swift discussed several aspects of her mega-selling seventh studio album Lover, including its creation after a personal “recalibrating” period, her stripped-down performances of its songs and her plans to showcase the full-length live with her Lover Fest shows next year. In two moments from the extended conversation that did not make the print story, Billboard’s Woman of the Decade also touched upon two of the album’s highlights, which double as a pair of the more interesting songs in her discography: “The Man” and “It’s Nice To Have A Friend.”

“The Man” imagines how Swift’s experience as a person, artist and figure within the music industry would have been different had she been a man, highlighting how much harder women have to work in order to succeed (“I’m so sick of running as fast as I can / Wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man,” she sings in the chorus). The song has become a fan favorite since the release of Lover, and Swift recently opened a career-spanning medley with the song at the 2019 American Music Awards.

When asked about “The Man,” Swift pointed out specific double standards that exist in everyday life and explained why she wanted to turn that frustration into a pop single. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “The Man” below:

“It was a song that I wrote from my personal experience, but also from a general experience that I’ve heard from women in all parts of our industry. And I think that, the more we can talk about it in a song like that, the better off we’ll be in a place to call it out when it’s happening. So many of these things are ingrained in even women, these perceptions, and it’s really about re-training your own brain to be less critical of women when we are not criticizing men for the same things. So many things that men do, you know, can be phoned-in that cannot be phoned-in for us. We have to really — God, we have to curate and cater everything, but we have to make it look like an accident. Because if we make a mistake, that’s our fault, but if we strategize so that we won’t make a mistake, we’re calculating.

“There is a bit of a damned-if-we-do, damned-if-we-don’t thing happening in music, and that’s why when I can, like, sit and talk and be like ‘Yeah, this sucks for me too,’ that feels good. When I go online and hear the stories of my fans talking about their experience in the working world, or even at school — the more we talk about it, the better off we’ll be. And I wanted to make it catchy for a reason — so that it would get stuck in people’s heads, [so] they would end up with a song about gender inequality stuck in their heads. And for me, that’s a good day.”

Meanwhile, the penultimate song on Lover, “It’s Nice To Have A Friend,” sounds unlike anything in Swift’s catalog thanks to its elliptical structure, lullaby-like tone and incorporation of steel drums and brass. When asked about the song, Swift talked about experimenting with her songwriting, as well as capturing a different angle of the emotional themes at the heart of Lover. Read Swift’s full thoughts on “It’s Nice To Have A Friend” below:

“It was fun to write a song that was just verses, because my whole body and soul wants to make a chorus — every time I sit down to write a song, I’m like, ‘Okay, chorus time, let’s get the chorus done.’ But with that song, it was more of like a poem, and a story and a vibe and a feeling of... I love metaphors that kind of have more than one meaning, and I think I loved the idea that, on an album called Lover, we all want love, we all want to find somebody to see our sights with and hear things with and experience things with.

“But at the end of the day we’ve been searching for that since we were kids! When you had a friend when you were nine years old, and that friend was all you talked about, and you wanted to have sleepovers and you wanted to walk down the street together and sit there drawing pictures together or be silent together, or be talking all night. We’re just looking for that, but endless sparks, as adults.”

Read the full Taylor Swift cover story here, and click here for more info on Billboard’s 2019 Women In Music event, during which Swift will be presented with the first-ever Woman of the Decade award.

[link to this tweet]

Was there ever a part of you that was like, “Oh shit, I like this darker vibe, let’s go even further down that path?” I really Loved Reputation because it felt like a rock opera, or a musical, doing it live. Doing that stadium show was so fun because it was so theatrical and so exciting to perform that, because it’s really cathartic! But I have to follow whatever direction my life is going in emotionally... The skies were opening up in my life. That’s what happened. But in a way that felt like a pink sky, a pink and purple sky, after a storm, and now it looks even more beautiful because it looked so stormy before. And that’s just like, I couldn't stop writing. I’ve never had an album with 18 songs on it before, and a lot of what I do is based on intuition. So, you know, I try not to overthink it. Who knows, there may be another dark album. I plan on doing lots of experimentation over the course of my career. Who knows? But it was a blast, I really loved it.

I mean, look, a Taylor Swift screamo album? I’ll be first in line. I’m so happy to hear that, because I think you might be the only one. Ha! I have a terrible scream. It’s obnoxious.

Why Taylor Swift's Lover Fest Will Be Her Next Big Step

Billboard // by Jason Lipshutz // December 11th 2019 - [Excerpt]

On why she chose to put together Lover fest: “I haven’t really done festivals in years - not since I was a teenager. That’s something that [the fans] don’t expect from me, so that’s why I wanted to do it. I want to challenge myself with new things and at the same time keep giving my fans something to connect to.”

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96harmony96 · 3 years

Text

Chapter 2

Just before I exited the elevator into the vestibule of Waters Field & Leaman, the advertising firm I worked for on the twentieth floor, Lauren whispered in my ear, “Think about me all day.”

I squeezed her hand surreptitiously in the crowded car. “Always do.”

She continued the ride up to the top floor, which housed the headquarters of Jauregui Industries. The Crossfire was her, one of many properties she owned throughout the city, including the apartment complex I lived in.

I tried not to pay attention to that. My mom was a career trophy wife. She’d given up my father’s love for an affluent lifestyle, which I couldn’t relate to at all. I’d prefer love over wealth any day, but I suppose that was easy for me to say because I had money—a sizable investment portfolio—of my own. Not that I ever touched it. I wouldn’t. I’d paid too high a price and couldn’t imagine anything worth the cost.

Megumi, the receptionist, buzzed me through the glass security door and greeted me with a big smile. She was a pretty woman, young like me, with a stylish bob of glossy black hair framing stunning Asian features.

“Hey,” I said, stopping by her desk. “Got any plans for lunch?”

“I do now.”

“Awesome.” My grin was wide and genuine. As much as I loved Cary and enjoyed spending time with him, I needed girlfriends, too. Cary had already started building a network of acquaintances and friends in our adopted city, but I’d been sucked into the Lauren vortex almost from the outset. As much as I’d prefer to spend every moment with her, I knew it wasn’t healthy. Female friends would give it to me straight when I needed it, and I was going to have to cultivate those friendships if I wanted them.

Setting off, I headed down the long hallway to my cubicle. When I reached my desk, I put my bag and purse in the bottom drawer, keeping my smartphone out so I could silence it. I found a text from Cary: I’m sorry, baby girl.

“Cary Taylor,” I sighed. “I love you . . . even when you’re pissing me off.”

And he’d pissed me off royally. No woman wanted to come home to a sexual clusterfuck in progress on her living room floor. Especially not while in the middle of a fight with her new girlfriend.

I texted back, Block off the wknd 4 me if u can.

There was a long pause and I imagined him absorbing my request. Damn, he texted back finally. Must be some ass kicking u have planned.

“Maybe a little,” I muttered, shuddering as I remembered the . . . orgy I’d walked in on. But mostly I thought Cary and I needed to spend some quality downtime together. We hadn’t been living in Manhattan long. It was a new town for us, new apartment, new jobs and experiences, new partners for both of us. We were out of our element and struggling, and since we both had barge loads of baggage from our pasts, we didn’t handle struggling well. Usually we leaned on each other for balance, but we hadn’t had much time for that lately. We really needed to make the time. Up for a trip to Vegas? Just u and me?

Fuck yeah!

K . . . more later. As I silenced my phone and put it away, my gaze passed briefly over the two collage photo frames next to my monitor—one filled with photos of both of my parents and one of Cary, and the other filled with photos of me and Lauren. Lauren had put the latter collection together herself, wanting me to have a reminder of her just like the reminder she had of me on her desk. As if I needed it . . .

I loved having those images of the people I loved close by: my mom with her golden cap of curls and her bombshell smile, her curvy body scarcely covered by a tiny bikini as she enjoyed the French Riviera on my stepdad’s yacht; my stepfather, Richard Stanton, looking regal and distinguished, his silver hair oddly complementing the looks of his much younger wife; and Cary, who was captured in all his photogenic glory, with his lustrous brown hair and sparkling green eyes, his smile wide and mischievous. That million-dollar face was starting to pop up in magazines everywhere and soon would grace billboards and bus stops advertising Grey Isles clothing.

I looked across the strip of hallway and through the glass wall that encased Mark Garrity’s very small office and saw his jacket hung over the back of his Aeron chair, even though the man himself wasn’t in sight. I wasn’t surprised to find him in the break room scowling into his coffee mug; he and I shared a java dependency.

“I thought you had the hang of it,” I said, referring to his trouble with the one-cup coffee maker.

“I do, thanks to you.” Mark lifted his head and offering a charmingly crooked smile. He had gleaming dark skin, a trim goatee, and soft brown eyes. In addition to being easy on the eyes, he was a great boss—very open to educating me about the ad business and quick to trust that he didn’t have to show me how to do something twice. We worked well together, and I hoped that would be the case for a long time to come.

“Try this,” he said, reaching for a second steaming cup waiting on the counter. He handed it to me and I accepted it gratefully, appreciating that he’d been thoughtful about adding cream and sweetener, which was how I liked it.

I took a cautious sip, since it was hot, then coughed over the unexpected—and unwelcome—flavor. “What is this?”

“Blueberry-flavored coffee.”

Abruptly, I was the one scowling. “Who the hell wants to drink that?”

“Ah, see . . . it’s our job to figure out who, then sell this to them.” He lifted his mug in a toast. “Here’s to our latest account!”

Wincing, I straightened my spine and took another sip.

* * *

I was pretty sure the sickly sweet taste of artificial blueberries was still coating my tongue two hours later. Since it was time for my break, I started an Internet search for Dr. Terrence Lucas, a man who’d clearly rubbed Lauren the wrong way when I’d seen the two men together at dinner the night before. I hadn’t gotten any further than typing the doctor’s name in the search box when my desk phone rang.

“Mark Garrity’s office,” I answered. “Camila Cabello speaking.”

“Are you serious about Vegas?” Cary asked without preamble.

“Totally.”

There was a pause. “Is this when you tell me you’re moving in with your billionaire girlfriend and I’ve got to go?”

“What? No. Are you nuts?” I squeezed my eyes shut, understanding how insecure Cary was but thinking we were too far along in our friendship for those kinds of doubts. “You’re stuck with me for life, you know that.”

“And you just up and decided we should go to Vegas?”

“Pretty much. Figured we could sip mojitos by the pool and live off room service for a couple days.”

“I’m not sure how much I can pitch in for that.”

“Don’t worry, it’s on Lauren. her plane, her hotel. We’ll just cover our food and drinks.” A lie, since I planned on covering everything except the airfare, but Cary didn’t need to know that.

“And she’s not coming with us?”

I leaned back in my chair and stared at one of the photos of Lauren. I missed her already and it’d been only a couple of hours since we’d been together. “she’s got business in Arizona, so she’ll share the flights back and forth, but it’ll be just you and me in Vegas. I think we need it.”

“Yeah.” He exhaled harshly. “I could do with a change of scenery and some quality time with my best girl.”

“Okay, then. She wants to fly out by eight tomorrow night.”

“I’ll start packing. Want me to put a bag together for you, too?”

“Would you? That’d be great!” Cary could’ve been a stylist or personal shopper. He had serious talent when it came to clothes.

“camila?”

“Yeah?”

He sighed. “Thank you for putting up with my shit.”

“Shut up.”

After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a long minute, hating that Cary was so unhappy when everything in his life was going so well. He was an expert at self-sabotage, never truly believing he was worthy of happiness.

As I returned my attention to work, the Google search on my monitor reminded me of my interest in Dr. Terry Lucas. A few articles about her had been posted on the Web, complete with pictures that cemented the verification.

Pediatrician. Forty-five years of age. Married for twenty years. Nervously, I searched for “Dr. Terrence Lucas and wife,” inwardly cringing at the thought of seeing a golden-skinned, long-haired blonde. I exhaled my relief when I saw that Mrs. Lucas was a pale-skinned woman with short, bright red hair.

But that left me with more questions. I’d figured it would be a woman who’d caused the trouble between the two men.

The fact was, Lauren and I really didn’t know that much about each other. We knew the ugly stuff—at least she knew mine; I’d mostly guessed her from some pretty obvious clues. We knew some of the basic cohabitation stuff about each other after spending so many nights sleeping over at our respective apartments. she’d met half of my family and I’d met all of her. But we hadn’t been together long enough to touch on a whole lot of the periphery stuff. And frankly, I think we weren’t as forthcoming or inquisitive as we could’ve been, as if we were afraid to pile any more crap onto an already struggling relationship.

We were together because we were addicted to each other. I was never as intoxicated as I was when we were happy together, and I knew it was the same for her. We were putting ourselves through the wringer for those moments of perfection between us, but they were so tenuous that only our stubbornness, determination, and love kept us fighting for them.

Enough with making yourself crazy.

I checked my e-mail, and found my daily Google alert on “Lauren Jauregui.” The day’s digest of links led mostly to photos of Lauren, in black tie sans tie, and me at the charity dinner at the Waldorf Astoria the night before.

“God.” I couldn’t help but be reminded of my mother when looking at the pictures of me in a champagne Vera Wang cocktail dress. Not just because of how closely my looks mirrored my mom’s—aside from my hair being brown, long and straight—but also because of the mega-mogul whose arm I graced.

sinu Cabello Barker Mitchell Stanton was very, very good at being a trophy wife. She knew precisely what was expected of her and delivered without fail. Although she’d been divorced twice, both times had been by her choice and both divorces had left her exes despondent over losing her. I didn’t think less of my mother, because she gave as good as she got and didn’t take anyone for granted, but I’d grown up striving for independence. My right to say no was my most valued possession.

Minimizing my e-mail window, I pushed my personal life aside and went back to searching for market comparisons on fruity coffee. I coordinated some initial meetings between the strategists and Mark and helped Mark with brainstorming a campaign for a gluten-free restaurant. Noon approached and I was starting to feel seriously hungry when my phone rang. I answered with my usual greeting.

“camila?” an accented female voice greeted me. “It’s Magdalene. Do you have a minute?”

I leaned back in my chair, alert. Magdalene and I had once shared a moment of sympathy over Corinne’s unexpected and unwanted reappearance in Lauren’s life, but I’d never forget how vicious Magdalene had been to me the first time we’d met. “Just. What’s up?”

She sighed, then spoke quickly, her words flowing in a rush. “I was sitting at the table behind Corinne last night. I could hear a bit of what was being said between her and Lauren during dinner.”

My stomach tensed, preparing for an emotional blow. Magdalene knew just how to exploit my insecurities about Lauren. “Stirring up crap while I’m at work is a new low,” I said coldly. “I don’t—”

“she wasn’t ignoring you.”

My mouth hung open a second, and she quickly filled the silence.

“she was managing her, camila. She was making suggestions for where to take you around New York since you’re new in town, but she was doing it by playing the old remember-when-you-and-I-went-there game.”

“A walk down memory lane,” I muttered, grateful now that I hadn’t been able to hear much of Lauren’s low-voiced conversation with her ex.

“Yes.” Magdalene took a deep breath. “You left because you thought she was ignoring you for her. I just want you to know that she seemed to be thinking about you, trying to keep Corinne from upsetting you.”

“Why do you care?”

“Who says I do? I owe you one, Camila, for the way I introduced myself.”

I thought about that. Yeah, she owed me for when she ambushed me in the bathroom with her catty jealous bullshit. Not that I bought it as her sole motivation. Maybe I was just the lesser of two evils. Maybe she was keeping her enemies close. “All right. Thank you.”

No denying I felt better. A weight I hadn’t realized I was carrying around was suddenly relieved.

“Something else,” Magdalene went on. “she went after you.”

My grip tightened on the phone receiver. Lauren always came after me . . . because I was always running. My recovery was so fragile that I’d learned to protect it at all costs. When something threatened my stability, I ditched it.

“There have been other women in her life who’ve tried ultimatums like that, camila. They got bored or they wanted her attention or some kind of grand gesture . . . So they walked away and expected her to come after them. You know what she did?”

“Nothing,” I said softly, knowing my man. A man who never spent social time with women she slept with and never slept with women she associated with socially. Corinne and I were the sole exceptions to that rule, which was yet another reason why her ex sent me into fits of jealousy.

“Nothing more than making sure Angus dropped them off safely,” she confirmed, making me think it’d been a tactic she’d tried at some point. “But when you left, she couldn’t chase after you fast enough. And she wasn’t herself when she said good-bye. she seemed . . . off.”

Because she’d felt fear. My eyes closed as I mentally kicked myself. Hard.

Lauren had told me more than once that it terrified her when I ran, because she couldn’t handle the thought that I might not come back. What good did it do to say that I couldn’t imagine living without her when I so often showed her otherwise with my actions? Was it any wonder she hadn’t opened up to me about her past?

I had to stop running. Lauren and I were both going to have to stand and fight for this, for us, if we were going to have any hope of making our relationship work.

“Do I owe you now?” I asked neutrally, returning Mark’s wave as he left for lunch.

Magdalene exhaled in a rush. “Lauren and I have known each other a long time. Our mothers are best friends. You and I will see each other around, Camila, and I’m hoping we can find a way to avoid any awkwardness.”

The woman had come up to me and told me that the minute Lauren “shoved her dick” in me, I was “done.” And she’d hit me with that at a moment when I was especially vulnerable.

“Listen, Magdalene, if you don’t cause drama, we’ll get by.” And since she was being so forthright . . . “I can screw up my relationship with Lauren all by myself, trust me. I don’t need any help.”

She laughed softly. “That was my mistake, I think—I was too careful and too accommodating. she has to work at it with you. Anyway . . . I’ve taken up my minute. I’ll let you go.”

“Enjoy your weekend,” I said, in lieu of thanks. I still couldn’t trust her motivation.

“You, too.”

As I returned the receiver to its cradle, my gaze went to the photos of me and Lauren. I was abruptly overwhelmed by feelings of greed and possession. she was mine, yet I couldn’t be sure from one day to the next whether she’d stay mine. And the thought of any other woman having her made me insane.

I pulled open my bottom drawer and dug my smartphone out of my purse. Driven by the need to have her thinking as fiercely about me, I texted her about my sudden desperate hunger to devour her whole: I’d give anything to be sucking your cock right now.

Just thinking about how she looked when I took her in my mouth . . . the feral sounds she made when she was about to come . . .

Standing, I deleted the text the moment I saw it’d been delivered, then dropped my phone back in my purse. Since it was noon, I closed all the windows on my computer and headed out to reception to find Megumi.

“You hungry for anything in particular?” she asked, pushing to her feet and giving me a chance to admire her belted, sleeveless lavender dress.

I coughed because her question came so soon after my text. “No. Your choice. I’m not picky.”

We pushed out through the glass doors to reach the elevators.

“I am so ready for the weekend,” Megumi said with a groan as she stabbed the call button with an acrylic-tipped finger. “A day and a half left to go.”

“Got something fun planned?”

“That remains to be seen.” She sighed and tucked her hair behind her ear. “Blind date,” she explained ruefully.

“Ah. Do you trust the person setting you up?”

“My roommate. I expect the guy will at least be physically attractive, because I know where she sleeps at night and paybacks are a bitch.”

I was smiling as an elevator car reached our floor and we stepped inside. “Well, that ups your odds for a good time.”

“Not really, since she found him by going on a blind date with him first. She swears he’s great, just more my type than hers.”

“Hmm.”

“I know, right?” Megumi shook her head and looked up at the decorative, old-fashioned needle above the car doors that marked the passing floors.

“You’ll have to let me know how it goes.”

“Oh, yeah. Wish me luck.”

“Absolutely.” We’d just stepped out into the lobby when I felt my purse vibrate beneath my arm. As we passed through the turnstiles, I dug for my phone and felt my stomach tighten at the sight of Lauren’s name. she was calling, not sexting me back.

“Excuse me,” I said to Megumi before answering.

She waved it off nonchalantly. “Go for it.”

“Hey,” I greeted her playfully.

“camila.”

I missed a step hearing the way she growled my name. There was a wealth of promise in the roughness of her voice.

Slowing, I found I was speechless, just from hearing her say my name with that edginess I craved—the sharp bite that told me she wanted to be inside me more than she wanted anything else in the world.

While people flowed around me, entering and exiting the building, I was halted by the weighted silence on my phone. The unspoken and nearly irresistible demand. she made no sound at all—I couldn’t even hear her breathing—but I felt her hunger. If I didn’t have Megumi waiting patiently for me, I’d be riding an elevator to the top floor to satisfy her unvoiced command to make good on my offer.

The memory of the time I’d sucked her off in her office simmered through me, making my mouth water. I swallowed. “Lauren . . .”

“You wanted my attention—now you have it. I want to hear you say those words.”

I felt my face flush. “I can’t. Not here. Let me call you later.”

“Step over by the column and out of the way.”

Startled, I looked around for her. Then I remembered that the Caller ID put her in her office. My gaze lifted, searching for the security cameras. Immediately, I felt her eyes on me, hot and wanting. Arousal surged through me, spurred by her desire.

“Hurry along, angel. Your friend’s waiting.”

I moved to the column, my breathing fast and audible.

“Now tell me. Your text made me hard, camila. What are you going to do about it?”

My hand went to my throat, my gaze sliding helplessly to Megumi, who watched me with raised brows. I lifted one finger up, asking for another minute, then turned my back to her and whispered, “I want you in my mouth.”

“Why? To play with me? To tease me like you’re doing now?” There was no heat in her voice, just calm severity.

I knew to pay careful attention when Lauren got serious about sex.

“No.” I lifted my face to the tinted dome in the ceiling that concealed the nearest security camera. “To make you come. I love making you come, Lauren.”

she exhaled harshly. “A gift, then.”

Only I knew what it meant for Lauren to view a sexual act as a gift. For her, sex had previously been about pain and degradation or lust and necessity. Now, with me, it was about pleasure and love. “Always.”

“Good. Because I treasure you, Camila, and what we have. Even our driving urge to fuck each other constantly is precious to me, because it matters.”

I sagged into the column, admitting to myself that I’d fallen into an old destructive habit—I’d exploited sexual attraction to ease my insecurities. If Lauren was lusting after me, she couldn’t be lusting after anyone else. How did she always know what was going on in my mind?

“Yes,” I breathed, closing my eyes. “It matters.”

There’d been a time when I’d turned to sex to feel affection, confusing momentary desire with genuine caring. Which was why I now insisted on having some sort of friendly framework in place before I went to bed with a man. I never again wanted to roll out of a lover’s bed feeling worthless and dirty.

And I sure as hell didn’t want to cheapen what I shared with Lauren just because I was irrationally scared of losing her.

It hit me then that I was off balance. I had this sick feeling in my gut, like something awful was going to happen.

“You can have what you want after work, angel.” her voice deepened, grew raspier. “In the meantime, enjoy lunch with your co-worker. I’ll be thinking about you. And your mouth.”

“I love you, Lauren.”

It took a couple of deep breaths after I hung up to compose myself enough to join Megumi again. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Everything all right?”

“Yes. Everything’s fine.”

“Things still hot and heavy with you and Lauren Jauregui?” She glanced at me with a slight smile.

“Umm . . .” Oh yes. “Yes, that’s fine, too.” And I wished desperately that I could talk about it. I wished I could just open the valve and gush about my overwhelming feelings for her. How thoughts of her consumed me, how the feel of her beneath my hands drove me wild, how the passion of her tortured soul cut into me like the sharpest blade.

But I couldn’t. Not ever. She was too visible, too well known. Private tidbits about her life were worth a small fortune. I couldn’t risk it.

“she sure is,” Megumi agreed. “Damn fine. Did you know her before you started working here?”

“No. Although I suppose we would have met eventually.” Because of our pasts. My mother gave generously to many abused children’s charities, as did Lauren. It was inevitable that Lauren and I would’ve crossed paths at some point. I wondered what that meeting would have been like—her with a gorgeous blonde on her arm and me with Cary. Would we have had the same visceral reaction to each other from a distance as we’d had up close in the Crossfire lobby?

she’d wanted me the moment she saw me on the street.

“I wondered.” Megumi pushed through the revolving lobby door. “I read that it was serious between you two,” she went on when I joined her outside on the sidewalk. “So I thought maybe you’d known her before.”

“Don’t believe everything you read on those gossip blogs.”

“So it’s not serious?”

“I didn’t say that.” It was too serious at times. Painfully, brutally so.

She shook her head. “God . . . listen to me pry. Sorry. Gossip is one of my vices. So are extremely hot women like Lauren Jauregui. I can’t help but wonder what it’d be like to hook up with a gir whose body screams sex like that. Tell me she’s awesome in bed.”

I smiled. It was good to hang out with another girl. Not that Cary couldn’t also be appreciative of a hot guy, but nothing beat girl talk. “You won’t hear me complaining.”

“Lucky bitch.” Bumping shoulders with me to show she was teasing, she said, “How about that roommate of yours? From the photos I saw, she’s gorgeous, too. Is she single? Wanna hook me up?”

Turning my head quickly, I hid a wince. I’d learned the hard way never to set up an acquaintance or friend with Cary. He was so easy to love, which led to a lot of broken hearts because he couldn’t love back the same way. The moment things started going too well, Cary sabotaged them. “I don’t know if he’s single or not. Things are . . . complicated in his life at the moment.”

“Well, if the opportunity presents itself, I’m certainly not opposed. Just sayin’. You like tacos?”

“Love ’em.”

“I know a great place a couple blocks up. Come on.”

* * *

Things were going well in my world as Megumi and I headed back from lunch. Forty minutes of gossip, guy-ogling, and three awesome carne asada tacos later, I was feeling pretty good. And we were returning to work a little over ten minutes early, which I was glad for since I hadn’t been the most punctual employee lately, even though Mark never complained.

The city was thrumming around us, taxis and people surging through the growing heat and humidity as they crammed what they could into the insufficient hours of the day. I people-watched shamelessly, my eyes skimming over everyone and everything.

Men in business suits walked alongside women in flowing skirts and flip-flops. Ladies in haute couture and five-hundred-dollar shoes teetered past steaming hot dog vendor carts and shouting hawkers. The eclectic mix of New York was heaven to me, stirring an excitement that made me feel more vibrant here than anyplace else I’d ever lived.

We were stopped by a traffic light directly across from the Crossfire, and my gaze was immediately drawn to the black Bentley sitting in front of it. Lauren must’ve just gotten back from lunch. I couldn’t help but think about her sitting in her car on the day we’d met, watching me as I took in the imposing beauty of her Crossfire Building. It made me tingly just thinking about it—

Suddenly, I went cold.

Because a striking blonde breezed out of the revolving doors just then and paused, giving me a good, long look at her—Lauren’s ideal, whether she’d been aware of it or not. A woman I’d witnessed her fixate on the moment she’d seen her in the Waldorf Astoria ballroom. A woman whose poise and hold over Lauren brought out all my worst insecurities.

Corinne Giroux looked like a breath of fresh air in a cream-colored sheath dress and cherry red heels. She ran a hand over her waist-length hair, which wasn’t quite as sleek as it’d appeared last night when I’d met her. In fact, it looked a little disheveled. And her fingers were rubbing at her mouth, wiping along the outline of her lips.

I pulled my smartphone out, activated the camera, and snapped a picture. With the proximity of the zoom, I could see why she was fussing with her lipstick—it was smeared. No, more like mashed. As if from a passionate kiss.

The light changed. Megumi and I moved with the flow, closing the distance between me and the woman who’d once had Lauren’s promise to marry her. Angus stepped out of the Bentley and came around, speaking to her briefly before opening the back door for her. The feeling of betrayal—Angus’s and Lauren’s—was so fierce, I couldn’t catch my breath. I swayed on my feet.

“Hey.” Megumi caught my arm to steady me. “And we only had virgin margaritas, lightweight!”

I watched Corinne’s willowy body slide into the back of Lauren’s car with practiced grace. My fists clenched as fury surged through me. Through the haze of my angry tears, the Bentley pulled away from the curb and disappeared.

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jbbuckybarnes · 5 years

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PR Stunt

Desc: Fake Dating AU. Celebrity AU. After pity posts for Sebastian skyrocketing, you two being seen together as friends a lot and with a big movie coming up, his management decides to pair you two for a PR stunt. You both agree, pranking the public seems fun and getting rid of pity tweets seems convenient. Pairing: Sebastian x Reader Warning: It’s not that good and one of my last real people fiction pieces I have left. Not beta read.

M A S T E R L I S T

+Pop Magazine - Articles: +Hot actors that are still on the market!+

*@lancebastian: Someone give this man a family!* *@stanfanfam: I feel so bad for him, he still isn’t with a woman or trying to build a family.* *@aliburger: Poor boy looks so alone. I’m volunteering!* _______ +Pop Magazine - Candids: +Sebastian Stan seen with his friend Y/N Y/LN in Manhattan, New York+

*@seabassbaby: I know they’re just friends but they’d make a cute couple.* *@lancebastian: Get her, Stan!* *@vanillaiceice: She’s cute af.* ________ “People are pitying you so much, it’s insane. What is so wrong with being single at your age?” you looked up from your phone at Sebastian sitting on the other side of the couch. “They’re just projecting their desires onto this.” he shrugged without looking up from his phone. “How does that not annoy you to some degree? I read it and get irritated by it.” you chuckled. “Sometimes I do, but at the end of the day it’s so unimportant.” now he looked up. “Yeah, but doesn’t that suck energy out of you to some level?” you two never talked about this specifically. “A bit.” another shrug with a small pout. “Well, let’s stop talking about that then. When’s press coming up?” you tried to change the topic. He looked at you for a second with a confused face before answering, “I think in two weeks.” “No, brunch meetings for weeks again.” you pouted like a child and got a smile back from him. “Poor baby.” he played into it and laughed. “You know they keep me sane.” you answered chuckling. “I know. I promise we’ll eat like three pizzas in one day when I’m back again, chaotic mess.” you looked at him offended. “I’m just telling the truth.” he held his arms up and grinned. “Ar-” you were interrupted by someone calling him and went back to checking your socials. You had a decent following and were friends with a few photographers, which gave you the opportunity to try yourself as a model and influencer. One of you photography friends is also how you two met and as soon as you two found your love for New York brunch meetings the friendship was sealed. “With Y/N?” you looked up at the mention of your name and saw him raise a brow. “Okay, yeah. Good, tomorrow at 11am. See ya.” he ended the call and finally saw your confused face. “Guess we have a meeting at 11am tomorrow and they also want you there.” his hand went through his hair and he exhaled a bit exhausted. “Why that?” you weren’t with his management or something. “She didn’t tell me. Maybe they want to sign you?” he was just as clueless as you and sat back down on the couch and you sat up. “That would be...sudden?” you said even more confused. “I feel like there’s something more to that.” his eyes narrowed. You shrugged taking your phone again, “We’ll find out I guess.”

___________ “We know you both don’t like paparazzi but this could benefit all of us and would be over after a few weeks.” the woman ended her little idea. “Wait, you want us to do a PR stunt, did I understand that right?” you said it out loud. A serious nod came back and a sigh from you. “Can’t believe I’m saying this but I think that would be hilarious outside of the paparazzi stuff.” he snorted beside you. “Excuse me, what?” you turned towards him and got a shrug back. “So...would you be on board?” the lady asked again. You let your head sink onto your arms on the table with an, “I guess.” You both left the office after you got handed a contract to go through to sign with the management and the comment, “I hate being friends with you.” “Did you mean being in a relationship?” he joked and got a stern look back. “Don’t take it too far, Stan!” you warned him. “Won’t. Promise.” he said with that boyish smile that guaranteed for nothing. “Idiot.” you muttered while walking out of the building onto the busy street. A hand was reaching for yours and you looked up confused. “What? Need to lay down the foundation for what’s about to go down.” he clearly loved the idea to mess around with you and the public for a while. “Dork.” a smile finally found its way onto your face and you shook your head. You didn’t mind holding hands with your other friends, so this wasn’t the problem. You weren’t so sure about the rest of what was about to happen in the upcoming weeks. “You love it.” he said nudging you lightly.

“Only if I get some good pictures for my Instagram and Twitter.” you chuckled. “I’m sure there’s gonna be some of your beloved photoshootings.” he grinned. “You’re gonna be an Instagram boyfriend, don’t you forget about that part of it.” you grinned back. “Oh god.” he had the realization hit him. “Yeah, didn’t think through that I might get back at you, huh?” you laughed.

“Lunch date?” he looked down at you after you both were finished with laughing and had walked for a block. “As long as I don’t need to play honeymoon phase love, yeah.” you bit your lip to stop the laugh that was making its way through your body. “Don’t worry, I think the eating each other alive part is one or two weeks in.” he wheezed and held the door to one of your favorite places open. “It’s gonna be hella obvious that it’s a stunt.” you pointed out. “That’s why I agreed. Why not have some fun and confuse people for a bit.” there was that boyish smile again. “Like that whole Shawn Mendes & Camila Cabello thing.” you shuddered. That was obviously a stunt but there was that part where everyone kinda thought it might be true and they just wanted to get the extra publicity. “I have no idea what you’re talking about but I guess my answer would be yes.” he said before turning to the waitress that just arrived at your table. ___________ +Pop Magazine - Candids: Sebastian Stan seen having a lunch date and holding hands with Y/N Y/L/N*+ *@bellastann: I feel like our dreams start to manifest stanfam!* *@lancebastian: Not entirely sold, holding hands ain’t that special. They are friends for months now.* *@evanstackiee: Yeees! (Y/L/N)stan is real!!!* ____________ Your contract was signed, your game plan was well organized. There were appointments and activities planned out, what to do at which one and the paparazzi would be there for some of them. You kinda cringed when you looked at the little calendar in front of you but you also were about to have some fun with tricking the general public. “Just an insanely big acting exercise, right?” you looked beside you to see him read through the stuff too. “Uuh, yeah.” he said concentrated on reading. You were both extremely open with each other and rarely had any miscommunication. So kissing in public without starting friendship problems wouldn’t be so hard, but you still had a weird feeling about it. Not fear, just a feeling.

__________ The first thing you did was pretty mellow. Attending a small local event together. You did things like this before but this time you’d have to cuddle up a bit here and there and make a few Instagram Stories. “You comfortable?” he smiled down at you holding your body close to his arm. “You’re 6 foot and fit, I think there is no way in hell anyone would think this isn’t comfortable.” you gave a sweet grin up at him. “For a model you’re pretty good at this.” he joked and you poked him into his waist. “Hey!” he laughed. “You act like I wasn’t a drama kid in school. I might be good-looking but I’m also a nerd. You should know that best...space nerd.” you chuckled. “Stop calling me out like that or I’ll make you talk to that dude you find annoying over there.” he pointed at a man that had bombarded you with his boring business ideas months ago. “Don’t you dare, Stan!” you looked offended. “You wanna sit down with some wine then, madame?” he said in a posh accent. “Of course, it is incredibly instagramable.” you answered in the same way. A boomerang of your drinks with each other tagged in it and two glasses of wine later you officially had glued yourself to him. He had a very comforting vibe about him and you clearly helped with his anxious moments. A kiss was planted onto your temple and a black and white filter put on top of it. Followed by a funny selfie and a picture of your empty wine glasses. Shortly after you already left the party under the flickering lights of a handful of paparazzi. Holding hands and very close together. __________ +Pop Magazine - Gossip: Are Sebastian Stan and his ‘best friend’ dating?+ *@stanfanfam: Cause of death: That temple kiss.* *@vanillaiceice: Damn, is it the late 2000s? Seb leaving a party with a girl? Damn!* *@evanstackiee: For me it’s confirmed.* *@seabassbaby: It looks kinda staged but if it’s not I’m super happy for him!* __________ The second little thing on the list was a photoshooting together. Since you both had modelled for magazines before and with other models you were kinda in your element. It was for a mid-sized fashion magazine that published every month and you two were having fun all over the rented AirBnB. Some expensive yoga pants with a knitted oversized sweater and boots was the first thing you needed to wear for a scene depicting to come home. Falling into each other's arms multiple times definitely made you laugh because of the dumb faces he made. The next outfit was a sleeping outfit. Silk shorts and an airy white cropped shirt. Your socks were pink and had donuts on it. “Can I have them?” you gave them puppy eyes and the team laughed. Modelling while laying was hard. You needed to look realistic but also show of what you were wearing. Combined with a giant baby blowing air into your ear ended in him being pinched by you. He was clearly not prepared to see you in the third outfit. Lacey underwear and an open button-down mens shirt. You could literally see his brain work and giggled “C’mon, get it together.” He was wearing briefs and a white shirt, needing to embrace you from behind while you pretended to make scrambled eggs. “My eggs are definitely scrambled after this.” he whispered and you couldn’t hold back the genuine laugh, ending up in some good pictures. The last two outfits were a bit more editorial but still wearable and the pictures were taken outside. “Well, that wasn’t bad.” you said to him as you two walked out after changing back into your clothing. “For YOU.” he answered. “Poor baby, needed to see his friend in underwear.” you made fun of him. “Yo, it’s a different thing if I see an Instagram picture or the live version.” he defended himself. “Clearly...don’t you dare fall for me, dork.” you joked and he huffed. The walk back was silent but he looked down at you from time to time. You just couldn’t see his reaction every time he did. __________ +Pop Magazine - News: Sebastian Stan & Y/N Y/L/N modelling together. Check out these pictures!+ *@lancebastian: Damn, so this is really a thing, huh? Holy, that’s cute.* *@evanstackiee: Can they adopt me?* *@bellastann: That kitchen picture sent me into cardiac arrest!* _________ By now you were trained at sending each other stolen glances. No matter if you just needed to go to your management or when you had brunch together. But for the last three days he was in LA for the press junket of his new movie. There was this weird feeling again. It felt so close to fear but it wasn't fear. You couldn’t quite pinpoint it. *God, I’m way too used to being around you now.* *You miss not freezing to death in any given moment, admit it!* *No, real talk, I miss you.* *Realtalk: I miss you too...but admit it’s the freezing!* *D O R K !* You had taken a flight to LA the day after because an award show was next on your list. You were ten times more nervous for the dress sitting right than the man on your side. You also weren’t used to hair and makeup. You were an Instagram model, this was a luxury at experimental shoots. “You’d think I can smile on command and not look like shit...but I can’t.” you said to him before stepping onto the red carpet an hour later. “You’re looking good, stop worrying.” he said in his usual calming tone before gently pulling you forward. 10 minutes later the torture to your eyes was done and there were interviews. “What do you have to say about the rumors about your relationship status?” you were asked. “That people should care more about their life than mine...oh, and that he’s the best human being on the planet. Doesn’t matter in which way we are connected.” Sitting down at an award show with your hand being held was not were you thought you’d end up when you agreed to this but why not make memories? Your head naturally landed on his shoulder after a while. You really had missed him being in close proximity for those 4 days. His thumb softly wandered over the back of your hand. “What would you do if I’d win something?” he asked in a low voice. “Jump you?” your head went up again to see his eyes wandering over your face. “In a happy kinda way, I assume.” he had a lopsided smile on his face. “You’re thinking about that photoshoot again, huh? Literally a teenager.” you joked but saw his eyes wander to your lips for a bit too long before he concentrated on the host again. For the rest of the evening your mind went in circles about him playing that or being genuinely interested in you in that way.

__________ +Pop Magazine - Gossip: Mysterious answer to relationship question about (Y/L/N)stan+ *@vanillaiceice: They are boning, come ON!* *@evanstackiee: Look at how happy she is while she says it.* *@seabassbaby: Gosh, just say it!* __________ Today was the day you weren’t really prepared for. He had an off day from press and you were still in LA. Your plan was going to the beach and getting photographed. Well, it wasn’t your plan. It was the plan made for you. “I hate swimming in the ocean!” you mumbled. “Hey, it’s gonna be fine. You have two excuses to grab onto me, right?” he chuckled while watching you undress and revealing your red bikini. You both laid in the sun for a while, talking about his press junket and the social media reactions to this. “Wanna get wet?” you opened your eyes to a child in a man’s body wiggling his eyebrows. You punched his chest with a laugh and let him pull you up with him. Hand in hand you made your way into the ocean rather slowly, “And you didn’t want to admit that you freeze to death without me.” he chuckled. He got impatient and just grabbed your waist and jumped backwards into deeper water. After a squeak from your side and your nails clawing into his back a little bit too harshly, you got used to it. “Look. It’s fine.” he put some hair strands out of your face with his free hand. “I still hate the ocean.” you pouted, trying to overplay how fast your heart was suddenly beating. Oh hell no, you were not just slowly falling for your best friend...please? “I get that.” he put his hand onto your lower back and you put your legs around his hips. “You’re my floatie.” you giggled putting your head into the crook of his neck. “And you are...I can only assume a freezing rock.” you both chuckled.

Your head went up again to see a big grin on his face, “Fuck you.” “You love it.” he said like usual but this time you slowly nodded with a serious face and his eyes widened enough for you to notice. “Wait, I didn’t…” you exhaled deeply with attentive eyes on you. “I feel like we should just stop this. I don’t want to see this friendship break apart just because my body thinks close proximity is a good reason to send hormones out.” you got out of your system. “That’s an odd way of saying that you’re having a crush on me.” he smiled and put his other arm around you. “Yeah, well, I don’t wanna ruin this.” your eyes went down, you rarely made yourself this vulnerable. “You already did by, to say it in your nerdy words, making my body think it’s a good idea to send out hormones because we are in close proximity.” he answered with a nervous chuckle, hand going through his hair.

Your eyes met his again, “I stopped acting the moment it started, Y/N.” “Well, um, it took me till about approximately 5 minutes ago to realize that this odd feeling I have isn’t some suppressed fear.” you made fun of yourself to make the situation less awkward. “Wanna give them what they want?” his head nudged towards the beach with a smirk. “Do you mean give you what you want?” you joked and he remembered where he heard that before. “I hate being friends with you,” he bit his lip, “I’d much rather call you my girlfriend.” The reference made you melt, he remembered that dumb little conversation from two weeks ago. Your hands went from his shoulders to his head and his free hand pulled your head closer before your lips met. You didn’t care about the camera clicks in the background, you only cared about finally making out with the man that made you love brunch dates so much. It felt like an hour before you broke apart a little. Steel blue eyes were staring right into your soul and the most calming voice in the world said “I love you.” “I hope you don’t say that while thinking of me in underwear.” you joked. “Nah, don’t need to. You’re grabbing onto me in a bikini.” he said with his hands wandering down your body and a giant smirk on his face. “I love you too, dork.” ___________ +Pop Magazine - News: (Y/L/N)stan confirmed! Couple seen kissing at the beach.+ *@vanillaiceice: I’ll fistfight anyone that hates on her!* *@evanstackiee: Look at those SMILES.* *@seabassbaby: Maybe I’m crying.* *@lancebastian: She makes him happyyy.* *@bellastann: I think this gave me diabetes.* *@stanfanfam: Make babies! lol* *@Y/N: Gosh, @imsebastianstan we have heart eyes galore in these. Might need to go and get that checked out.* *@imsebastianstan: @Y/N, yeah, heard of that new disease called love. It’s attacking every part of your body and mind!* *@seabassbaby: For real...ADOPT ME!* _____________

M A S T E R L I S T

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loveylangdon · 5 years

Text

Land in Miami

Requested: Hey! I had a story request, could you write about Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello, and Shawn’s female bf. The bf is on vacation with Shawn and Camila and she gets jealous of their relationship and the bf has health complications and something happens to her and Shawn is torn between his bf or Camila. I know it might be a stretch of you writing this but Thank You! @verylandcolorwagon

Word count: 5k+

A/N: sorry it took so long I saw Shawn in Pittsburgh and have been feeling it lately haha, hope you enjoy Xx

*not my gif credit to owner*

_______

y/n p.o.v.

Landing at the airport was different, getting off the plane to humidity was gross and I definitely needed 10 showers but as promised I told Shawn I would come out for his Miami and Orlando shows. Waiting at baggage claim you couldn’t help but smile remembering Shawn FaceTiming you in his hotel room shirtless white sheets surrounding him as he pouted and begged until you agreed to take time off work to fly out from Toronto to see him for his “Miami magic” shows as he called them. After that call not even 3 minutes later you got an email from Andrew with your airline tickets. Assuming he already asked Andrew to get them and was just waiting for you to say yes like the dozen other times its worked in that order as if you could ever tell him no.

So here you were waiting to get off the plane and head over to baggage claim.

While Shawn couldn’t pick you up for obvious reasons Brian offered to pick you up right after they finished setting up the venue not even 10 minutes after you grabbed your luggage you were being crushed in a bear hug being caught off guard you pushed the body away from you realizing it was the infamous redhead you went in for a hug with the same force. Smiling from ear to ear.

“I missed you” Brian smiled at you kissing your temple “remind me why you can’t join the tour again.” He asked smirking taking your luggage

“Some of us have to work for real Bri we can’t all travel and follow our crushes around like lost puppies” I joked and nudged his shoulder watching his face turn red referencing Alessia and Liv Shawns opener and her best friend for the tour

“Anyways” he clears his throat before continuing “have you seen anything on-“ Brian was cut off by your phone ringing

*Incoming call from rockstar*

Brian smirked at you before you shoved him again answering the FaceTime

“Hello, rockstar what do I owe the pleasure?” You teased through the camera

“Believe me the pleasures all mine, just making sure you landed safely you didn’t text me back” he answered as his ears tinted pink lighting up your phone screen

“She didn’t answer because she’s with the better version of you Shawn, we’re on our way back to the venue” he spoke into the phone

“Oh, I’m not at the venue Andrew wanted to go out to lunch so we’re out now I’ll see you, honey, when I get back to the venue okay, I’m so glad you’re here” he smiled at you and blush covered his cheeks.

“Okay rockstar see you soon” you smiled warmly at him as the FaceTime disconnected.

Brian smirked at you, “Let's go to the venue Tiny is waiting” grabbing your luggage Brian headed towards the car.

————

First it was the Miami show watching from a distance, dealing with Camila wearing all white so Shawn could spot her in the crowd when he performed and the glances he kept sneaking over in her direction is what started your bubble of irritation and her suggesting the beach the next day when she knew you didn’t favor the Ocean is what was getting you past your boiling point.

Shawn asked you to come out but didn’t tell you Camila was here too, not that you necessarily had a problem with her in the past you never favored her. She was always tugging on Shawns heartstrings and he always ran to you to fix him back up with cuddles and loving that was a little much to be considered just best friends. You thought this Miami show was going to be the next step for you guys but you were wrong, clearly.

It started After the Miami show when you waited side stage per tradition for Shawn to come hug you before making his rounds for ‘In My Blood’. You stood there like an idiot when his band members started coming off stage one by one and the song ended. Shawn nowhere in sight exited from a different stage entrance. You waited it out a good 10 minutes watching the arena clear out slowly from where you stood. Thinking why the hell did you fly out here to get ignored. Not having seen Shawn all day except for a brief 5 minutes before the show started you were about to storm out to the bus area when Connor walked past and stopped when he noticed you

“Oh y/n what are you doing back here” he chuckled

Clearing your throat you didn’t really have an answer “I was just about to get to the bus to grab my bag to get ready to go to the hotel” you looked away emotions hitting at once.

First Shawn didn’t see you in person till before the show started, leaving you to spend all day with Brian and Connor and when you finally saw Shawn he was attached to the hip with Camila, you two were supposed to go out to eat at a cafe you both loved only to find out the real reason why he couldn’t pick you up from the airport was because he took Camila there instead Andrew nowhere in sight.

Shaking your head and closing your eyes you felt Connor getting closer to you taking steps towards you with a confused look on his face and then his eyes widened “you were waiting for Shawn, he’s in his dressing room” he gave you sad smile “is it, Camila” he asked with a sincere smile no hate or underline in his tone just concern

“Fuck haha that makes me sound so pathetic, my best friend paying attention to another girl and here I am hurt over it” you joke as you look up trying not to let the tears fall using your hands to hold your face with your eyes peaking out

“It doesn’t, and you’re allowed to feel that way. We all know you guys have something special he’s being an idiot. Honestly, she changes a lot of things. Since she joined the vibe has been different and everyone’s noticing but no one wants to say anything that’s why Andrew suggested to fly you out to try and” Connor stopped talking eyes going wide and looked at you shaking his head “I didn’t mean it like that at okay obviously Shawn wants you here he’s just an idiot and needs help sometimes” he tried to fix his mistake but it was too late your mind was reeling

Shawn didn’t even want you out here, he only asked because Andrew suggested it and he didn’t know how to say no, Connor took a step towards you closing the space between you guys and pulled you into his chest hugging you

“He’s a fucking idiot okay but don’t let it change your trip okay, think of it as a mini-vacation instead you’re only here for 2 more shows let’s make the most of it. And if we do any team things I’ll be right next to you okay” he talked into your ear his cheek resting on the side of your head in your hair he was about to speak again when Shawn started talking from down the hall

“Tiny what are you doing man we need you I’m going to take an ice bath-“ he stopped talking when he got closer and realized Connor was hugging someone with his back to Shawn he didn’t notice you since Connor was a little taller

“Oi, what the hell what happened” Shawn squeaked pushing Connor from you and looking at your face for any sign of distress “what’s wrong” he looked down at you but you looked at Connor, Shawn turned and looked at Connor “what did you do Brashier” Shawn spoke to him

“What” Connor squeaked “nothing I was on my way backstage and-“ Connor looked to you and you gave him a look warning him not to mention anything

“And what” Shawn glared at him getting defensive over you

“Nothing Shawn everything’s fine really I just messed up something with work and Connor was comforting me” you smiled at him and moved his arm that made its way across your shoulder moving towards Connor who was in front of Shawn

Shawn looked down at you hurt flashing across his eyes and was about to say something when you heard the clicking of heels. Camila was running towards Shawn heels clicking along the concrete floors getting louder and louder the closer she got hearing her squeal she wrapped Shawn in a big hug and he lifted her off the ground wrapping his arm around her torso and hoisting her up to level with him they immediately went into a kiss Shawns concern for you long gone and forgotten.

You felt Connor looking at you sadly, you just nodded your head towards the buses and walked outside the venue feeling him follow closely behind.

That night Shawn, Camila and some of the crew went out for drinks. Brian stayed with Alessia who headed to Orlando right after the show because they wanted to go to some of the amusement parks in the area before soundcheck the next day.

Laying on your hotel bed hugging a pillow to your chest after checking your phone you found out Shawn and Camila were at the club from one of the crew members Instagram stories. Shawn didn’t even invite you or let you know where he was going. He forgot about you again.

Glad you had your own room you wouldn’t have to deal with Shawn, usually when you came on tour he was clingy not that you minded you loved him and would do anything for him he usually wanted to share a room with you so you could cuddle and hang out but obviously that was already being done.

Sighing you heard a knock on your hotel room door leaving it alone thinking they would go away because no one even knew you were here you let it be until it got louder

“Okay I’m coming hold on” you shouted as you made your way through the ensuite to the door opening it seeing Connor holding a pizza box and a grocery bag of snacks

Smiling at him “Connor Brashier and what do I owe the pleasure” stepping back to make way for him to come in he smiled at you

“Thought you could use some company” he shrugs and goes to put everything into your bed “I brought snacks, food, and movies”

“You’re the best Brashier honestly” you smile at him and notice him standing awkwardly next to the bed you go to pull him onto the bed next to you digging out the plates and napkins, eating and snaking talking about college courses and how he handled touring so young. You both fell asleep after a couple of movies and before Shawn sent a mass group text telling everyone to get ready for the beach in a couple of hours.

___

You’re second day here and have probably seen Shawn for a total of 20 minutes altogether. You texted him about breakfast after he sent out the text about the beach to find out he was already out with Camila from pictures all over social media.

For the past two days, that's how you’ve seen Shawn, plastered all over the internet with the short girl attached to his hip at your guys’ favorite restaurants kissing or eating each other as you saw it. Both of them eating at places he promised he would take you out to when you landed, and here you were spending more time with his tour photographer and seeing the inside of your hotel room than him.

The only person that seemed to care was Connor, and even then it was because when you guys all went to the beach despite your disapproval. But you couldn’t handle the waves, Con saved you from almost drowning, being surrounded by 6ft something guys everyone just kept going deeper and deeper into the water, usually you would be holding onto Shawn but he seemed to be pre-occupied and Brian left on the bus with Alessia to head out early to Orlando so your only lifeline was Con.

Your fear of large bodies of water completely went over Shawns head when Camila said she knew the perfect beach to go to, Connor offered to stay behind with you not being a big fan of the ocean himself but Shawn wasn’t having it. He wanted the whole team to go. The beach was the final straw, you were ready to go home after his Miami show clearly you weren’t welcome here with Camila pulling him every which way and you definitely weren’t the type of person to fight for a guys attention.

Watching her cling on to him for dear life and watching them make out in front of paps has gotten annoying and frustrating. You wanted to yell at Shawn and Andrew for even inviting you but you were more hurt than anything. You were easily forgotten and no one seemed to notice.

Connor kept his promise and stood by you the entire day which he was truly an angel for. When the waves got a little stronger Con noticed Camila and you struggling to keep afloat Shawn automatically went to Camila leaving Connor to help you attach yourself to him. You and Con stayed on the other side of Cez in the water across from Shawn and Mila. You rested your head on Con’s shoulder most of the time due to being tired from the movie marathon the night before and irritation from Shawn. You noticed Shawn glaring in your guys direction, Connor must have to because he wasn’t having any of it so he kept twirling you in the water keeping a firm grip on your waist and made sure your arms were wrapped securely around his neck, keeping up a conversation to distract you which you were happy for.

After the beach Camila wanted to go to the Hotel pool and swim for a bit you were going to excuse yourself but again Shawn wanted the entire team to go leaving you no choice but to follow.

Now here you were 2 days after landing you found yourself in your hotel room packing up your suitcase ready to leave after leaving the hotel pool to Shawn and Camila eating each other once again in front of everyone and paparazzi, having enough of seeing Shawn swallow Camila you were tired of it. You told Con you were going back to your room and left without saying goodbye to anyone.

Texting your friend about everything she agreed you should just come home. You thought yours and Shawns relationship was stronger than this, being friends for 15 years you’ve been with him through everything and never has he ignored you this bad or left you to your own defenses or even alone at all, when you joined him on tour regardless of what girl he had on his arm he always prioritized you and if his girl couldn’t get that he wouldn’t waste his time with her. You thought this trip was what was going to finally take things into the next step of your guys' relationship but clearly, you were wrong. This trip was a dud and all for nothing and you were left fuming.

Your thoughts about the horrid past two days were broken when you heard pounding on your hotel door about 15 minutes later.

“Why did you leave?” You hear Shawn stomp in after hearing the door slam forgetting Andrew had the second key to each of the rooms. You cursed under you breathe. He walked in shirtless hair still damp from the pool wearing his Nike shorts. He sounded pissed.

“Because I got tired of being ignored” you look at him shrugging your shoulders

He narrowed his eyes at you “this is about Camila, isn’t it? She said you were jealous I should’ve known”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You look at him and he’s gone all defensive again arms crossed over his chest

“You left the pool do you know how rude that was, Camila just wanted to have a nice off the day with everyone and you fucking left without telling anyone” he looked at you

“Con knew I was leaving I told him” you huffed and watched him roll his eyes

“Oh yeah your new best friend right, after I fly you out here all you can do is spend time with Connor” you heard hurt and sarcasm in his tone and it only made you mad

“You do not get to do this to me Shawn I’m fucking tired of it, don’t drag Connor into this he didn’t do anything wrong”

“Tired of what y/n the truth you’ve been spending time with Connor more than me I haven’t seen you in months and the first time I see you you’re wrapped up in Connors' arms and I find out form Andrew that Con didn’t sleep in his room he was with you the entire night” Shawn shouts at you

Rubbing your temples you look up to see a red-faced Shawn “No Shawn I'm tired of you ignoring me the second I stepped foot off the plane-”

“what are you talking about” he scoffs

“let me finish” you glare at him “You’re right I've been spending time with Connor but because my best friend didn’t even want me out here in the first place, how do you think that makes me feel Shawn honestly you beg me to come out here to hang out to see some shows I finally take time off work which I don’t have because I visited you for 3 weeks a couple of months ago, but I made it work because you said you needed me out here.” You’re about to cry but continue after taking a breath “As soon as I land I find out you’re doing everything you promised to do with me but with Camila.” You sigh rubbing your temples looking up at him “I'm not going to fight for your attention Shawn you know that, so yes I left and I'm oh so sorry for upsetting your little girlfriend but clearly I’m not welcome here and I’m tired of seeing you go out and do our favorite things with someone else.” You look at him and you see the pain behind his eyes and he's about to respond when his phone rings in his hand and a picture of Camila pops up on the screen.

You scoff “of fucking course” you grab your purse and head out of the hotel room and make your way to Connors room hoping he left the pool when you did.

Knocking on his door and not receiving any answer you know he's still at the pool, you go to reach for your phone before realizing you left it in your hotel room and you’d be damned if you went to confront Shawn again. Making your way into the lobby you ask the concierge to leave a message for Connors room so when he got back to his room he would know you went out and didn't have a phone but not to worry you’d be back before dark.

You were walking around for what felt like hours, not remembering where you roamed off to you had a headache and you're sure you looked like death. You noticed some who you assumed were fans looking at you but you could care less. Eyes bloodshot and puffy you were tired and feeling pain in your feet from walking so far but being too stubborn to turn back. The last thing you remember was it being too hard to breathe feeling a sharp pain in your back and seeing black spots before you heard someone scream your name and felt the ground under you.

---

Shawns p.o.v.

Watching y/n walkout was the hardest thing I felt like a piece of me walked out of the door but it was my fault for not telling her about Mila and expecting her to go along with whatever plans I obviously didn’t tell her about. I felt like I let her down that I let us down.

I've been so stressed about tour and Senorita coming out when Camila told me her boyfriend broke up with her because of me I felt awful and she kinda just stuck around after that.

Sitting down at dinner with Camila I can feel her starring at the side of my face. I kept my phone in my hand waiting for a call from Connor to tell me he found her. Biting the inside of my cheek I hoped she would come back by now. Y/n left as the sun was about to set and in my attempt to call her back into the room I realized she left her phone behind. I broke down into a panic and that's how Connor found me with Camila trailing behind him upset that I wasn't ready for dinner and that I left her at the pool.

Here I sat with Camila and her family talking about last nights show and how it was probably the best show out of the entire tour. Feeling Camila’s eyes boring into the side of my head I turned to look at her and gave her a kiss trying to portray that I was here with her and she had my full attention. She already chewed me out for leaving her with the team, and how y/n was being selfish and inconsiderate of her feelings. How she didn’t get to see me as often as she wanted either.

My phone glued to my hands waiting for anything to pop up about y/n it was like I summoned a call from Andrew going to hit the answer button, Camila’s small hand took my phone out of my hands ended the call and put it into her purse.

“Mila my phone” I looked down at her softly so her family wouldn't notice

“We’re having dinner Shawn you don’t need it” she pecked my cheek and turned to talk to her cousin next to her

I stared at Mila’s bag watching it light up counting 7 different times where it did, my knee bouncing with nerves. Grabbing Mila’s hand I excused us to the hallway

“Camila my phone now” I held my hand out waiting for it

“Shawn no, we’re having dinner you promised you would do this for me, for us I already told you that girl is fine she’s probably doing it for attention now lets go back sit down and have a nice meal you can have your phone back later” she pecked my lips and held my hand pulling me out of the hall before I could get a word in.

Before we could walk all the way back to the table I saw Andrew standing next to the table and looked at Camila who rolled her eyes in annoyance

“Andrew what-”

“y/n is in the hospital Connors with her right now but she might need her stuff to go home after, you have the extra hotel key I need it,” he said nonchalantly staring me down and I felt myself visibly shrink he was mad at me

“Oh I have the extra key” Camila chirped and dug through her purse handing it to Andrew

“Is y/n okay what happened, where is she lets go?” I said grabbing my jacket and waiting for Andrew who put a hand on my chest

“Stay and finish your meal with Camila and her family, I'm going back to the hotel to get y/n passport so when she wakes up we can get her home”

“What,” I say louder “What do you mean when she wakes up what happened Andrew lets go” I go to pull on his arm when I feel Camila tug on mine

“Shawn you can’t drop everything for her, she's not your responsibility she walked out on you why do you care” she huffed annoyed with jealousy dripping from her tone

I lean down to kiss her forehead “Ill see you at the hotel later okay” I smile at her and she crosses her arms over her chest

“Shawn if you leave that's it. You've embarrassed me enough tonight” she spoke through her teeth

“Mila don’t do this right now I have to go” I see hurt flash across her face

“Then leave! go after her like you always did, like you always do” she huffs and throws my phone at my chest and turns around back to her family.

I give them a small smile and her mom gives me a sympathetic smile and I turn to find Andrew but he’s nowhere to be found. Fuck.

I walk out of the restaurant and check my phone all missed calls from Connor and Andrew and I hit Connors number and start sprinting back to the hotel hoping to catch Andrew.

----

y/n p.o.v.

I wake up to bright lights and a weight on my side I look down to see a mop of brown curls resting on me and on the other tufts of blonde hair.

I’m about to wake Connor to find out what happened when Brian and Andrew walk through the door

“Oh good morning sleeping beauty, how are you feeling,” Brian asks whispering to not wake Shawn and Connor

“Everything hurts, what happened” I nod to Shawn and raise my eyebrows his body was hunched over in his chair, his cheek was laying on my side and his eyes puffy with his mouth slightly open breathing softly.

“Let’s get the boys out of here and we can talk yah?” Andrew suggests and you nod at him closing your eyes again and feeling a pain in your arm. Letting out a yelp you start to feel dizzy all over again and see you woke up Shawn and Connor looking frantic while a nurse came in to check on you before your vision went black.

Waking up a second time to bright lights making you squint going to move your hand to shield your face you felt a weight in it. Looking over you saw Shawn a 6’2 giant curled into a ball attempting to fit in a chair next to your bed with his hand in yours. You try to detangle your fingers from his but even in his sleep he’s not having it and you feel too weak to fight it. He must’ve felt your struggle because his eyes opened wide not even 5 seconds later.

As soon as you made eye contact with him he a fresh set of tears started streaming down his pink blotchy cheeks and streams of mumbled apologies fell from his lips.

“Hey, hey rockstar it's fine I’m okay, look I'm here”

His tears didn't stop flowing but he rubbed his nose on his sleeve taking a shaky breathe “I could've lost you and its all my fault I'm so sorry I shouldn’t have let you leave, I shouldn’t have yelled at you ‘msorry for being so shitty everything that happened was my fault and I understand if you don’t want to talk to me for a while” he broke eye contact and looked down on your bed

“What happened,” you ask softly

“After you left the hotel I don’t know how long you were gone but apparently you went far enough and cried enough to where it was enough to dehydrate you, the weather and traveling also impacted your body, your body went into stress paralysis causing you to blackout and have an internal seizure” he sighed as more tears streamed down his face “I could have lost you, luckily a fan saw you and called an ambulance and they brought you here and made sure the hospital called Andrew luckily he was on your emergency contact” he shows a small smile remembering how when you first went on tour with Shawn you broke your arm and neither of you had your phones so you guys just waited in the hospital. After that Karen made sure you added Andrew onto your emergency contact in case something like that happened again he would be notified instead of thinking he lost two teenagers in a random state. “If I was with you, or even paid attention to you like I promised we wouldn't be here you wouldn't have to be dealing with this if I didn’t ask you to come out here because I'm selfish, I'm so sorry I'm an idiot who doesn't deserve you at all” he choked out

You hummed, stress paralysis was something you dealt with when your parents went through a divorce and things got really bad. Putting on so much stress and not being able to talk about it your body retaliated and went into fits of paralysis to literally exert the stress out of your body. You didn’t realize how hard yours and Shawns fight effected you.

“Please say something” Shawn looked up at you with red eyes and blotchy cheeks, holding your hand in both of his he waited patiently

“You’re going to have to do worse than put me in a hospital to get rid of me rockstar” you spoke softly to him as you felt his arms wrap around your torso and his head in your neck “I’m still upset but you can make it up to me”

��Anything you want and it's yours, I love you and I'm so sorry” he mumbled into your neck careful not to squeeze you too tight placing a kiss on your pulse.

---

thank you for reading, slightly unedited I've been busy but I wrote this in under an hour thank you for being patient. don't forget to leave feedback and comments thank you Xxx

#shawn mendes x reader #Shawn Mendes Imagine #shawn mendes angst #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes blurb #connor brashier #camila cabello

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cali-holland · 5 years

Text

Perfectly Wrong- Shawn Mendes One Shot

Pairing: Shawn Mendes X Reader

Prompt: You’re in for a lot of trouble when you enter a secret friends with benefits relationship with your sister’s best friend.

Word Count: 2800

Based On: Perfectly Wrong by Shawn Mendes

Masterlist Shawn Mendes Masterlist

*Gif is not mine*

It had never been easy for you- finding someone who found meaning in you. Being the famous Camila Cabello’s younger sister, you just felt that anyone who got close to you was using you for her. It hurt you to keep a safe distance from everyone, but you still did that. You would always set aside your happiness for hers, or that’s at least what you told yourself.

“What are you doing out here?” Shawn asked you, making you jump as if you’d just been caught doing something wrong. All you had been doing was sitting on the swing in Camila’s backyard, getting lost in your thoughts, as a party went on inside.

“Not my crowd.” You let out a shrug. Having one guy hit on you while staring at your sister was usual for you, but having two do it in one night pushed you over the edge.

“I feel it.” He nodded, walking over to you and casually sitting beside you. His voice was quiet as he spoke, “Are you good?”

“Just feeling extra lonely tonight, I guess.” You said, fiddling with your fingers nervously.

“What do you mean? You’ve got me.” Shawn gave you a soft smile.

“I mean that.” You pointed over to the window, where you could clearly see Camila cozying up to her boyfriend as she talked to her friends.

“Oh,” He paused, “That kind of lonely.”

“Yeah,” You sighed, “Before Camila left, all I wanted was to have something special like that, and then when she went off and became famous I just felt that was no longer an option for me.”

“Why not?” Shawn asked you innocently.

“Who would date me when there’s Camila?” You finally looked over at Shawn and suddenly felt embarrassed. This was Shawn you were talking to; he was your sister’s best friend and the boy that everyone loved. “I don’t know why I’m telling you this. It’s nothing you’ve experienced, I’m sure.”

“I feel like everyone’s been through that. Whoever says otherwise is definitely lying. You probably just haven’t found your person yet, that’s all.” He tried to sound confident as he spoke, but you could tell he just wanted to find a way to make you feel better. “Besides, I wouldn’t say I’m the most experienced person out there.”

“More experienced than me. I haven’t even kissed anyone yet, let alone held someone’s hand romantically. I’m the saddest nineteen year old there is.” You let out a playful whine to lighten the mood. Shawn just laughed and casually reached his hand over and intertwined your fingers, delicately holding your hand in his. His eyes went from your hands to your own eyes, silently asking if it was okay.

“What are you doing?” You asked, looking at your connected hands.

“I’m holding your hand. Does this count as romantically?” He replied with a small smirk on his face.

“I don’t-” You began to answer as he brought your hand up to his face and pressed a light kiss to the back of your hand.

“Romantic enough?”

“Are you trying to make a move on me? Because you’re being so smooth right now, but I also feel like you’re mocking me at the same time.” You stated.

“Oh, I’m one hundred percent mocking you.” He teased. Suddenly feeling a burst of confidence, you replied boldly.

“There’s still a second part to my earlier statement.”

“Is there now?” Shawn asked leaning in. “If this is going to be your first ever kiss, I better make it a good one.”

“Don’t disappoint me.” You replied. You closed your eyes as he placed his free hand on your cheek, pulling you in for a kiss.

~~~

Five months after that party, you weren’t entirely sure of what you and Shawn were. You knew that you really liked him, but it felt distant, as if neither of you would confess having true feelings for each other. You two had grown a lot closer though, helping each other gain ‘experience’, as Shawn called it. Part of you felt like you were completely being strung along for the ride, but another part of you absolutely enjoyed it.

The only regrettable part of the whole thing was the decision to keep it a secret from Camila. She and Shawn had a mutual thing for each other years ago, and Shawn felt that her knowing about the two of you wouldn’t be good. You hated lying to her, but it was for the best, right?

“Do you not answer your phone anymore?” Camila asked you once you finally picked up your phone on her third call.

“I was busy. What’s up?” You replied, ignoring the fact that Shawn was currently placing soft kisses on your neck.

“Can I come over? It’s about Matthew.” She said, her voice shaking just a little. At the sound of her voice crack, you lightly pushed Shawn off of you.

“I’m not at home right now.” You stated as the boy pouted at you for pushing him away.

“It’s late though.” Her response was more like a question.

“Yeah, I went out with the girls.” You tried to make your lies smooth.

“Oh, okay. So can I come by tomorrow?” She asked.

“Will you be okay until then?”

“Yeah, I just wanted to vent, but it can wait. I think I want to break up with Matthew,” She said, before quietly adding, “and I think I’m in love with Shawn and I have no clue what to do about it.”

“Um, that’s a lot.” You said, looking to see if Shawn had heard her through the phone. Thankfully, the curly haired boy was distracted by his own phone.

“I know. I should call him.”

“Call Shawn?” You clarified to your sister as he looked up at you, confused.

“Yeah, I feel like I need my best friend.”

“He might be asleep, you know. He did just get back from touring.” Shawn held in his laugh.

“You’re right. I should go. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Camila asked.

“Of course.” You replied as she said goodbye and hung up the phone.

“Is everything okay?” Shawn asked you, wrapping his arms around you again.

“She’s just overthinking everything.”

“Sounds about right.” He placed a kiss on your cheek, “But I know I’m definitely not asleep right now.”

“Did you want her to call you too?” You asked, raising your eyebrows at him.

“No actually. I can’t say no to her like you can. You’ve really got this lying thing down.” Shawn said. He went to give you a proper kiss, but you pulled away.

“I’m sorry, I’m just really tired. Mind if we call it quits early?” You asked, trying your hardest not hear Camila’s voice in the back of your head. It seemed as if you mind was stuck in a loop, hearing her confess to being in love with the boy who currently had his arms wrapped around you.

“Are you sure Camila’s okay?” Shawn questioned.

“Yeah, but I’m sleepy.” You replied, turning so that you two were spooning and he couldn’t see your distraught face. Shawn felt confused by your actions, normally you’d sleep with your head on his chest, something that he absolutely loved. As he felt you fall asleep beside him, he quietly whispered to you those three words that he wasn’t brave enough to tell you when you were awake, but he didn’t realize Camila’s words kept you from sleeping.

The next morning, you woke up to Camila calling you. You didn’t hesitate to pick up the phone, feeling bad for ditching her last night.

“I’m outside, are you going to let me in or not? And I brought you coffee.” She said in her normal happy voice, sounding much better than last night.

“You’re here?” Your voice was louder than expected as you bolted out of the bed, waking Shawn up in the process.

“What the-” He started to groan, but immediately went pale as you held a finger to your mouth.

“Yeah, I’m literally outside of your door.” She stated.

“I wasn’t expecting you to be outside my front door so early.” You repeated her words so that Shawn knew the problem you two were faced with.

“Are you going to let me in or not?” Your sister asked.

“Give me like two minutes, I need to change.” You said before hanging up the phone quickly.

“She’s outside?” Shawn asked you as he tugged on his clothes from the night before.

“Yeah, but we need to figure out how to get you out of here without her knowing.”

“Or we could just tell her?” He suggested, biting his lip as he was unsure of how you’d react. You looked at him with a shocked expression, a dead giveaway of your first thoughts.

“I was, um-” You paused as you tried to think of what to say. All you could hear was Camila’s voice from last night mixed with Shawn’s whisper from last night.

“I think she’ll be okay with it.” He said, taking your hands in his.

“No.” You said, looking away from him as you spoke. You began to change into normal clothes, “We should stop this, whatever this is.”

“Y/N, what- what do you mean?” Shawn asked you, feeling his heart ache by your statement.

“It was fun when we started this, but, Shawn, we need to stop sneaking around. I can’t hurt Camila like this, you’re her best friend.” As you turned around to face him again, he just stood there speechless with a frown.

“I’ll, um, I’ll sneak out the back when you let her in.” He said in a monotone voice. You knew he was trying his best to hold himself together. As you went to the front door, he dipped out the back. He took one last look at you when you let Camila in. His heart broke with every step he took away from your place.

“I love him, I think I really do.” was the first thing out of your older sister’s mouth as she handed you your coffee.

“Who are we talking about here?” You asked. You forced yourself to bite back your tears as she beamed at you.

“Shawn. I love Shawn.” She told you confidently. “Do you think it’s bad that I’m leaving my boyfriend for another guy?”

“No, not at all.” You couldn’t help yourself as you tried to reassure her, pushing aside your own feelings. As she casually sat on your couch, she finally realized something was off with you.

“What’s wrong?” She asked you.

“Nothing.” You said.

“Keep your secrets then.” Camila replied. Her phone dinged as she received a text and you recognized the sound as Shawn’s ringtone.

“What does Shawn want?” You asked, acting as if you didnt want to break at the mention of him.

“I invited him over, like right now.” She said and you looked at her horrified. “I want to tell him how I feel, and I really don’t want to do it with all of Matthew’s stuff around my place. Is it okay for him to stop by? I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

“Yeah, I think I’ll go get actually cleaned up when he’s here though, give you two some time together.” You subconsciously began to touch the covered hickey below your collarbone, left from Shawn last night.

“You’re literally the best.” She smiled, “He’s on his way.” As soon as she said those words, three tentative knocks came from your door.

“Shawn!” Camila greeted him with a large hug, her smile stretching across her face.

“Hey,” He smiled down at her, avoiding your gaze.

“Why are your eyes red? Have you been crying?” She asked innocently.

“No, just tired.” Shawn replied, trying to wipe away the redness.

“I’ll be in my room.” You said, exiting as soon as you could.

“She didn’t even say hi.” Camila playfully rolled her eyes at you before bringing Shawn into your living room to talk to him.

~~~

The next two weeks were incredibly awkward and difficult for you. Camila was the happiest she had been in years; she seemed to fit so well with Shawn. You, on the other hand, were sadder than you had been in a long time. You and Shawn both tried to avoid each other at all costs, both hearts aching at the mention of the other. It hurt even more that your sister had absolutely no clue about it- she would always try to set you up with one of her guy friends or find a way for you, her, and Shawn to be together. Tonight was one of those nights.

“You’ve got this.” Camila said to Shawn right before his latest gig. She gave him a quick kiss and he smiled at her.

“Thanks, I’ll be back soon.” He told her before grabbing his guitar and heading on stage.

“You’ve really never seen him perform live?” Camila asked you as she stood beside you.

“I don’t exactly go places.” You replied jokingly.

“He’s amazing.” She stated, looking up at him dreamily. It hurt you to see him like this, and it hurt you even more to think your sister still didn’t know.

“Yeah, he really is.” You said as he began to play Lost in Japan.

Halfway through the gig, he sat down at the piano and began to play the soft melody of the song you knew too well- Perfectly Wrong.

“I want to slow things down a bit with this one. Sing it with me.” He said into the microphone before singing the lyrics. You told yourself you’d handle yourself- you can’t break in front of Camila, not now, not to your song.

“Oh, and why I can't quit

When you break my heart open

I need you more than I know

Oh, and I can't resist when you're up against my skin

I never wanna let you go” As the song slowed again, he felt himself start to break before continuing.

“You're perfectly wrong for me

And that's why it's so hard for me”

“I’ve never seen him play this song, but he’s really getting into it.” Camila said, taking her eyes off him to look at you. You nervously bit your lip as you saw Shawn’s eyes grow teary.

“I slept with Shawn.” You confessed in a hurried breath.

“You what?” Camila’s eyes seemed to double in size as she looked at you astonished.

“Well, you weren’t dating at that time.” You clarified, “We agreed to just not say anything, but I just feel so guilty about it and-”

“Y/N, do you love Shawn?” She asked you. Her smile was long gone as her eyes turned sad.

“I-I don’t-”

“Do you?”

“Yes.” You admitted, feeling shameful.

“I’m not upset.” She told you, pulling you in for a hug. “I needed a distraction and he was that for me; I could tell he never loved me.”

“I called it off with him as soon as I knew how you felt about him. I just couldn’t do that to you. I’m so sorry, Camila.” You said, leaning your head on her shoulder while still being completely enveloped in the hug.

“Stop apologizing to me. Besides, you should be telling Shawn how you feel, not me.” Camila pulled away from you and offered you a small smile. You sighed and looked over to the boy on the stage as he began to sing a much peppier song.

“I hurt him a lot.” You paused. “I don’t even know if he still feels the same.”

“Come on,” She said, playfully nudging you with her elbow, “The boy’s smitten by you.”

“If you say so.” You replied nervously.

“So,” Camila looked back over to you with a smirk on her face, “How good is he in bed? I want to know what I’m giving up here.” You laughed at her teasing, trailing your eyes back to Shawn. He glanced over at you and did a double take when he saw you and Camila smiling in his direction. He felt his heart skip a beat- for the first time in weeks, you were actually looking at him.

When he got off the stage, he fully expected to be greeted by Camila; it was a surprise when you came bounding up to him, pulling him in for a big hug. His jaw dropped as he slowly wrapped his arms around you once more. Over your shoulder, he saw Camila nodding in approval.

“Y/N,” was all Shawn could manage to slip out as you pulled away from the hug and brought him in for a kiss.

“I love you too, Shawn.” You confessed when you finally pulled away. “I heard you that night when you told me.”

“Is this okay?” He asked you, checking for more confirmation. He didn’t want to get his hopes up again.

“More than okay.” You said as he pulled you in for another kiss.

“I missed you.” Shawn told you, resting his forehead on yours.

“I missed you too.”

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes x you #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes x reader

354 notes · View notes

talkfastromance4 · 5 years

Text

Cross Her (C.H) Part I

Yeah, so. I haven’t posted anything in a HOT minute. But this little Calum-and-Grace-world I’ve created is very near and dear to my heart. I’m not sure how many parts this will be, they’re kind of lengthy but I hope you like it.

Please let me know what you think so I can post more.

Summary: With a new album and tour soon to be on the rise, 5SOS’s management has decided to put Calum into a public relationship.

Warnings: none except cute fluff from Calum

Words: 5.5k

Masterlist

With the promise of a new album on the horizon, and with Luke and Sierra now engaged the band’s management and PR have come up with an idea for Calum to get a girlfriend. The four young men are sitting in a conference room listening intently to their management’s pitch.

In theory, it sounds great. The first single to be released is a love song and with three of the four members being married, engaged and happily committed, it will be seen as kind of tired. But if the song is tied to Calum and his new ‘love’ the sales will increase tenfold and will skyrocket on the charts.

Calum nods along but at the same time he doesn’t like the matters of his heart to be discussed like a business deal. His three best friends keep looking at him during the whole meeting, waiting for him to throw a tirade or silently walk out in a brooding cloud. Calum walks the line on both discreet and outlandish very easily, so who knew what he was going to do?

“We’ve got some ideas thrown around for who you should be paired up with—“

Calum snorts. ‘Paired up with’ sounds like he’s back in school being assigned a lab partner. In this case, there’s really no difference is there?

“Who’d you have in mind?” Ashton asks twiddling his thumbs together on the table.

“Taylor Swift, she’s been in the business for a long time. She knows the ropes, she can handle press and the fans really well—“

“No, she is great, musically and otherwise,” Calum says shaking his head, “but no. Not her.”

“All right,” Francesca huffs then looks at the next name on her list. “Then there’s Selena Gomez, she’s been out of the limelight since that whole Justin Bieber fiasco. She’s also been in the—“

“Why does it have to be someone so famous?” Michael asks, his glass green eyes darting from Calum to their team.

“It will draw the crowd and other people’s attention,” Dewey states.

“Who else?” Calum murmurs in defeat. He rests his chin in his palm, his voice muffled by his fingers in front of his lips.

“Uh, Sofia Carson, Camila Cabello. . . there’s also a young woman who has become famous over Instagram recently. She’s a uh. . .” Francesca peers at her tablet, “she’s an aspiring poet but her fanbase is huge. Almost 7 million followers, she posts a lot of content on all platforms.”

“What’s her name?” Calum asks suddenly intrigued.

“Grace Fallows, she’s 24, cute little thing,” Francesca nods.

On the outside Calum stays stoic, but on the inside he’s beaming. He already follows her on his own Instagram. He loves the poems she creates, they’re clever and beyond impactful with just a few choice words.

“Can we see if she’ll do it?” he asks. “She seems more up our style than the others, more genuine.”

“I’ll get in contact with her and see what happens,” Francesca nods.

Calum glances at his friends who grin encouragingly back.

»»»

The first time Calum and Grace meet is three weeks later in the same conference room where the discussion was first established. Francesca and Dewey had her flown in from Southern Wisconsin a few days ago with the promise of landing her a manager, a publisher and an editor all in one meeting. The three subjects were sitting alongside Francesca and Dewey while Calum and Grace were across from each other at the other end.

He smiles at her immediately when he walks in, which she returns happily but nervously. He’s never seen what she looks like because her Instagram page is all of her poems, she never posts a selfie.

But he knew he wouldn’t be disappointed. She has dark brown hair that waves around her round face, and has the biggest, dark blue eyes he’s ever seen. He notices her playing with the rings on her fingers, a habit he and the guys have been known to do when they’re feeling anxious.

“We’re so glad you could join us on such short notice Miss Fallows,” Francesca smiles warmly.

“Thank you for arranging everything,” Grace nods. Her voice is quiet and full of kindness, it piques Calum’s interest even more. He notices her eyes dart about the room and at the other five faces down the table, she inhales a shaky breath.

“Joining us today are Cordelia Fox, Gwen Gilbert and Alonso Lopez,” Francesca introduces.

“Nice to meet you,” Grace says politely.

“And I’m sure you know Calum Hood,” Dewey laughs heartily pointing to Calum.

Grace’s dark ocean eyes slide down to Calum who gives her a slight wave, she smiles impishly. A little flush of pink colors her cheeks and she fiddles with her rings a bit more quickly.

The meeting lasts for almost two hours, Cordelia, Gwen and Alonso chat with Grace about their plans for her to get a book published within the next 9 months. Grace listens intently, her eyes wide and appearing glossy a few times because her dreams are just within reach of coming true.

“So, what are your thoughts, Miss Fallows?” Cordelia smiles kindly.

“I mean . . . this is amazing. I’ve been wanting to be published since I started my Instagram page,” Grace begins. “I would love to work with all of you, but I’m just slightly confused with why C-Calum is here.”

She stutters over his name because she has been a fan of the band for yearss She’s amongst the other fans waiting aptly for the new album to drop. She wanted to come into this meeting being calm, cool and collected with a twinge of professionalism added in. But she’s never had a meeting with a probable manager or whole writing team before and to throw in a member of one of the biggest bands in the world?

Her stomach is doing cartwheels.

“Uh, that’s another matter we need to discuss,” Dewey says a bit uncomfortably in his chair.

Calum feels a bit smug at that, he was uncomfortable at the meeting about this three weeks ago. He doesn’t want to come off as smug because Grace is present. He doesn’t want her to think this was all his idea, a fake relationship and all the PR.

“With the band’s new album coming out, we thought to help up the ante would be if Calum had a girlfriend to help promote the single. It’s a love song. And with Michael already being married, Luke is newly engaged and Ashton’s relationship is stable, we thought a fresh, new relationship would reflect the song perfectly,” Francesca smiles.

“So . . . all of this—“Grace motions the table generally”—is just so I can be used as a fake girlfriend?”

Francesca and Dewey open and close their mouths like fish staring out of a fishbowl. Calum shakes his head, silently cursing his team. This was a fucking dumb idea and he hates the expression on Grace’s face, like she’s being used, like she’s just a small pawn in this big scheme.

“Grace,” Cordelia leans forward on the lacquered maple table, her blond hair falling in front of her face. “Whether you say yes or no to the fake relationship, Gwen, Alonso and I still want to be a part of your team. We aren’t the strings attached to this deal, you are the puppeteer. You call the shots, and I’m sure Mr. Hood agrees.” Cordelia’s powder blue eyes meet Calum’s.

He nods immediately looking to Grace. “Absolutely. I follow you on Instagram and love your poems. There’s absolutely no pressure for you to do this.”

Grace chews on her lower lip then sits up a bit straighter in her chair.

“Can I have a day or two to think about it? The relationship part.”

“Of course,” Cordelia smiles. “Right, Francesca?”

“Uh, y-yes, of course,” Francesca smiles tightly “The first single release isn’t for another three weeks, but if we could know by Friday that’d be wonderful. I’ll send over all of our contact information, including Cordelia—“

“Actually I’d like to talk to Cordelia on my own,” Grace states.

Calum grins. He likes her spunk and hopes she’ll agree to the deal. Even if it’s not real, he has a feeling she’d make it fun.

»»»

“So, how’d it go?” Ashton asks Calum while they’re out for iced coffee after a cardio workout.

“All right. Cordelia really liked her. I did, too,” Calum smiles. “She made Francesca and Dewey sweat in their seats though, she called them right out on the bullshit of it all.”

“Wish I could’ve seen that,” Ashton laughs. “So, did she agree to it?”

“She agreed to the book deal but wants a few days to think the fake relationship bit over,” Calum shrugs swirling his ice in his cup. “Which I respect. I don’t want her thinking it was my idea.”

“You crushin’ on her already, bro?” Ashton giggles taking his straw in his mouth.

“No, it’s just a big fuckin’ deal to be put in a relationship with someone for PR,” Calum’s voice comes out a little clipped.

“Right. Sorry,” Ashton apologizes quickly. “I’m sorry they’re forcing you into this as well.”

Calum shrugs. “Comes with the job I s’pose.”

“Do you think she’ll agree?”

“I—“ Calum’s cut off with his phone buzzing in his hand. He smiles when he sees the name on his phone. “That’s her now, she wants to meet for coffee tomorrow.”

“That’s a good sign,” Ashton raises his eyebrows.

»»»

Calum was actually really nervous to meet with Grace for coffee because the meeting could go either way. She’ll either yell at him for agreeing to this or she’ll tell him she’ll do it and they’ll set up their own boundaries outside of his team.

He taps his fingers waiting for her at a table in the back of the store, some fans came and said hello but otherwise he was left alone. He hoped no one would come up to him when Grace is with him, he didn’t want to freak her out too much.

The bells above the door jingle and he sees her small frame enter, the gust from the door causes her brown hair to fly in her face. She tucks the stray strands behind her ear as her eyes scour the place for the tall Maori-Australian man.

Calum stands from his chair waving to her and she catches sight of him easily; it’s a small shop and he’s a tall guy. She smiles then weaves her way through the tables and other patrons to him but accidentally bumps into one of the baristas.

He’s a young teen with a face full of acne and a lanky build. He apologizes profusely, his cheeks turning even redder when he sees he bumped into a pretty girl.

Grace smiles kindly and touches his shoulder in comfort. “You’re totally fine! Don’t worry about it.” She flashes him one more smile before continuing her way to Calum who is as much enamored by her as the teenage boy.

“Sorry I’m late,” she says briskly. “I totally forgot I could order an Uber instead of catching a bus which terrified me.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Calum smiles easily. “What can I get you to drink?”

“Um a vanilla cappuccino please,” she smiles.

“Be right back,” he touches her shoulder gently then heads to the counter.

Calum watches her from his vantage point. Her brown hair is pulled back halfway behind her head and she’s got on a white t-shirt with dark denim overalls. She has white converse on her feet and he really likes that considering he’s wearing his black pair.

Grace crosses her legs then begins to play with her rings while waiting for him to return. It makes him feel a little better she’s as nervous as he is. This actually feels like a first date but it’s so far from it it’s ridiculous. He sort of wishes it was a first date.

The same teenage boy hands Calum their drink order and Calum gives him a ten dollar tip hoping that will ease his embarrassment.

“One vanilla cappuccino,” Calum says sliding the mug in front of Grace then he sits across from her.

“Mmm, thank you,” she grins giddily holding the mug in both of her hands. “So, this whole relationship thing wasn’t your idea, right?”

Calum pauses his motions of bringing his own mug to his lips. “Wow, right to it, huh?” he half jokes setting his mug down but she doesn’t laugh. He clears his throat and shakes his head. “No, it was not. I’d never ask someone to fake date me, but apparently that’s what our team thinks is best for this album.”

She eyes him for a moment, Calum’s heart is beating hard in his chest. She stares at him as if analyzing him then lets out a breath.

“Okay, you’re telling the truth.”

Calum chuckles. “You got a super power of spotting lies?”

“Sort of,” she purses her lips and Calum is hypnotized at the pinkness of them for the moment. “My intuition is super strong, I can read people really well.”

“That’s good to know. What’d you pick up on about Francesca and Dewey?”

She purses her lips again forcing Calum not to stare at them again, she taps her chin for good measure and dramatics.

“They’re very analytical, they do want you guys to succeed but they think you do that with more of the public eye on you rather than your music. Their intent means well,” she shrugs taking a tentative sip of her drink.

“This might be a weird question,” Calum leans forward on the table lowering his head a little. He notices her eyebrows twitch in the cutest way. “Do you like our music?”

She visibly relaxes then giggles. “Oh thank God, I had no idea where you were going with that. But yeah, I do like your music. I got into you guys a little bit during the One Direction era but then I really got hooked when Youngblood came out.”

“You mean you weren’t around for our awkward Twitcams and YouTube lives?” he’s silently praying that she says no, those videos are so cringey now. They were ridiculous teenagers who thought they were badasses and clearly weren’t.

“Oh no, I definitely saw those,” she giggles again. “You were pretty raunchy back then.”

She’s teasing with him and it makes him smile and blush slightly. He groans at the memories of those videos, he’d always smack the guys’ asses for no reason and try to get naked on camera. Again for no reason.

“That’s embarrassing,” he shakes his head then looks up at her through his lashes.

“It was funny. My little nineteen year old heart swooned,” she presses her hand to her heart.

“I guess that counts for something. So, what are your thoughts on all this?” he asks. “Francesca and Dewey won’t have a say on how exactly we do this, we can set our own boundaries. I don’t want you to feel pressured at all and, if you do decide to do it, we’ll get to help you promote your book.”

“It’s a little crazy,” she laughs. “Twenty-four hours ago I was back home bingeing Pretty Little Liars and now I’m here with a book in the making and a fake rock star boyfriend.”

“Yeah, things move fast in LA—wait, are you saying you’ll do it?” he’s astounded.

“I was actually on the fence but when you said we could set our own boundaries . . . that made up my mind. I feel like I’ll be here for a while talking with Cordelia and I need friends so . . .”

“Wow, that’s amazing. You’re amazing. Thank you,” he says sincerely. “I promise you, I’ll be the best fake boyfriend ever.”

“I’ll hold you to that,” she giggles.

»»»

After the meeting with the team and the guys about Grace agreeing to the fake relationship, a contract is set for the relationship to last until her book is released. Calum wants to help her out as well even if it is in this weird, twisted way. Nine months of fake dating, hopefully he won’t actually catch feelings.

Grace was a little nervous meeting the rest of the band, especially Luke because he’s so tall and towered over her.

“You make me feel like an ant,” she giggles and the guys laughed. Calum really enjoyed when she giggled, it caused her nose to scrunch up and her cheeks got really round.

“Would you want to catch dinner with us tonight?” Ashton asks. “We can all get to know each other better

“Yeah, that sounds great,” she smiles. “Text me the address—“

“No, no. I’ll pick you up,” Calum shakes his head. “I won’t have you spending money on an Uber all the time.”

“Okay,” she blushes.

»»»

Calum knocks on her hotel room door at promptly 6:45 p.m, the exact time he said he’d be there. When Grace opens the door he’s welcomed with her perfume, lilies and ocean water. She’s wearing a pretty black dress with a silver belt and her hair is straightened.

“Hi! Wow, you’re right on time. Um, I just need to get my purse.” She disappears and Calum catches the door before it slams in his face.

He peers in her room, it already smells like her and he notices a big gray fuzzy blanket on the hotel bed. Clearly it makes her think of home, he notices the curtains are shut and her suitcase is zipped shut on the opposite bed.

“Okay, ready,” she beams in front of him.

»»»

The first five minutes of the car ride are silent but it’s comfortable. Calum doesn’t know what to say first, his mouth goes dry every time he tries but when he looks over at her he sees her bare legs.

“Does everyone in LA eat dinner this late?” she asks.

“Uh . . . this is late?”

“I had to order myself an appetizer at 5 in my room cause I was so hungry,” she snickers, “but I’m always hungry anyway.”

Calum frowns. Not only is she far from home in a hotel by herself, but her habits and lifestyle have completely changed. And she’ll be here for nine months being viewed as his ‘new girlfriend’ while also having a deadline for her first book.

“I’m sorry, we should’ve asked when you normally—“

“Oh, no! It’s fine! I was just curious, it’ll probably help me in the long run anyway, and it’ll help me lose a few pounds,” she shrugs nonchalantly and stares out the window.

Calum gives her an exasperated look which makes her laugh.

“What?”

“You don’t need to lose a few pounds, you look fantastic, Grace,” he tells her and turns smoothly into a large parking lot.

When he looks at her he’s pleased to see she’s blushing and he’s not lying. She’s petite but her curves are out of this world, and her legs. Her legs! He never knew he had a thing for calves but hers seem muscular and he wonders if she danced when she was younger.

“Well, thank you,” she says quietly and he notices her playing with her fingers.

Calum pulls into a parking spot near the front and thankfully there aren’t any photographers or fans waiting outside. He doesn’t want her to get freaked out by the chaos of his life with flashes and screams from fans quite yet. He wants to make sure she’s comfortable with him so she can trust that he’ll keep her safe.

“Ooh, is this Italian?” she asks peering up at the sign out of her window.

“Yep, best Italian restaurant in LA.”

“I love Italian.”

She snatches her purse and practically leaps from the car and Calum hurries to her side so he can walk alongside her. He locks the car then shoves his hands in his pockets. The doorman opens the door for them and Grace thanks him kindly with her warm smile and Calum lets her walk ahead of him.

Once inside she tucks against his side while he weaves to the back of the restaurant where he knows their table is. The guys asked if their significant others could join them but Calum thought that would be a bit overwhelming for her in one night. They all exchanged a knowing look but Calum had no idea what it meant.

“The guest of honor has arrived!” Ashton shouts raising his beer glass, his eyes are already a little glazed over and Grace giggles.

She hugs them all quickly before sitting at the head of the table where Ashton told her to sit. Calum sat next to her silently wishing he was a bit closer.

When the waiter came by to ask for her and Calum’s drink order, she denied the house wine and ordered a mint mojito instead. Calum ordered a beer and asked for a rush order on the breadsticks throwing a wink at Grace as he did.

“Thank you,” she murmurs quietly then takes a sip of her water.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen a girl deny wine,” Luke says incredulously.

Calum shoots him a glare and smacks his best friend in the chest.

“OW! What was that for?”

“Don’t be rude,” Calum shakes his head disapprovingly.

Grace laughs into her water at the altercation. “Don’t worry about it, I don’t really like wine. Whenever I drink it I get a headache and I forget what I’m trying to say. I’m more of a rum girl.”

“Ah, there we go!” Ashton hollers. “Rum’s a good choice.”

“What’s your signature drink?” Calum asks.

“Malibu and pineapple juice,” she smiles with her tongue between her teeth.

Calum has the desirable need to kiss her smile but he refrains. None of this is real as them being in a relationship, he has to get that in his head.

Throughout the dinner they ask her questions about her home and how she got into writing but that was a fleeting topic. Calum made a mental note to ask about that later when it’s just them, he loves talking creativity. Grace gushes about the food and asks them all questions about themselves.

Soon their table is filled with laughter and more drinks as funny stories come about. Many of them are about Calum because his best friends want to embarrass him in front of his ‘girlfriend.’ She enjoys herself, she truly does.

She really feels like she belongs and that they’re all slowly moving towards friendship. Throughout the evening, Grace notices Calum looking at her a lot, it makes her face feel warm. She’s not sure if it’s from the alcohol or his deep brown eyes gazing at her.

The guys order another bottle of wine, Calum is all about having another glass when he notices Grace has gone quiet and she’s playing with her fingers again. He knows the sign of anxiety and she’s doing it right now, whether it’s from the amount of alcohol or just the night in general, he’s not sure.

“You guys enjoy that last bottle, I’ve had enough,” Calum says throwing his napkin on the table and he looks at Grace. “How about you, Grace? Ready to go?” he figures he’d give her an out and if she refuses then he’ll stay.

“Yeah, I’m ready if you are,” she sighs and the twiddling stops.

“Oh sure, leave us with the bill!” Michael hollers and Luke barks out a laugh.

“Oh, get off. I caught the bill at Poison,” Calum shakes his head standing up. He pulls out his wallet anyway and tosses a few twenties on the table. “That should cover me and Grace.”

“Oh, I can put in some—“Grace says reaching for her purse but Calum’s large hands stop her.

“My treat,” he grins rubbing his thumb over her knuckle gently.

“At least let me pay for my drinks—“she shakes her head trying to unzip her purse under his long fingers.

“Man, you’re sweet,” Ashton smiles then glances to Calum. “but it isn’t necessary, don’t worry sweetheart. We’ve got it covered.”

Grace slumps in her seat but finally gave up. “Okay,” she sighs. Calum removes his fingers and helps her out of her chair. “Thank you guys, so much. I really appreciate it.”

“Our pleasure,” Michael smiles. “You kids get home safe now.”

She waves goodbye and Calum nods at them ignoring their eyebrow waggles and winks and follows Grace to the front of the restaurant. The tables are still packed with people and Grace gasps stopping in her tracks causing Calum to nearly knock her over.

“What is it?” he asks in alarm.

“That’s Leonardo Di Caprio!” she whispers excitedly.

Calum looks in the direction she’s subtly pointing in and sure enough, he’s there with a glass of wine and a table full of models and other friends.

“Want to go say hi?” Calum asks enjoying the size of her star struck eyes.

“What?” she squeaks, “are you crazy? I would literally die! Let’s go.”She grabs his wrist pulling him out of the restaurant.

He’s laughing at her as she has her actual freak out in the parking lot. He notices her fingers are still latched around his wrist, he likes the feeling.

“I’m guessing he’s a crush?” he asks once they’re in his car again. It’s nearing midnight and he really doesn’t want to say goodbye yet, even if the drive is fifteen minutes to her hotel.

“Ugh, yes,” she rubs her temples. “He’s so much older than me but I’d marry him in a heartbeat.”

Calum chortles as he peels out of the parking spot and gets onto the main road to go on the highway.

“I’m sorry, that’s really weird to say,” she shakes her head staring at him.

“No it’s not. This is all new to you, I kind of like seeing you experience it all. It’s adorable,” he admits. He inhales through his nose, was that the wrong thing to say?

“You think I’m adorable?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles looking her way to see she’s pointing to herself, “is that a bad thing?”

“No, it’s just . . . have you seen you? You’re the most adorable thing on the planet.”

“I think that’s the mojito in you talking.”

“No, it’s the me in me talking.”

Calum laughs at her verbiage.

“Okay, that made you ten times more adorable now.”

“Your smile makes you fifteen times more adorable,” she insists and it causes him to smile once more. “So you’re in the lead by five, you win. That’s math.”

“Your brain earns you another fifteen.”

“My brain?!” she shrieks in laughter.

“And your laugh, so that’s another ten and your giggle is pretty damn cute so that’s another . . . fifty, I’d say. So no you’re 65 points ahead, you win.”

She huffs in her seat.

“That earned you another five, make it 70 points,” Calum adds smugly.

“You can’t just keep adding! A person can’t be that adorable.”

“You are,” he grins.

“Okay, so I’m at 70 and you’re only at . . .” she thinks back on the numbers they’ve been throwing about “twenty-five?! That’s not fair. Can I give you some of my points?”

“Nope, you keep the points I give you, those are the rules, sorry.”

“Okay then bucko,” she folds her arms angling her body to him in her seat, “you get another twenty because of your laugh, and you get fifteen more for the cute faces you make.”

“What cute faces?”

“There! That’s one of them! You’re doing one right now, ha! So now you’re at 60 and I’m at 70.”

“Can’t even give me an extra ten so we’re tied? Wow, Grace, I thought you were nicer than that,” he shakes his head in mock sadness.

“Okay fine, you get a solid ten for your hair. It’s very Disney-Prince-like.”

“What does that mean?” he laughs making another face.

“It’s so curly and perfectly styled, like a Disney Prince.”

At the stoplight he gives her a sidelong glance. “That earned you another five points.”

“Are you kidding me?!” she throws her hands up in defeat.

“You’re more adorable than me, Grace, just accept the facts. That’s math remember?” he’s leaning across the console giving her a smug look.

“Using my own words against me,” she grumbles and pushes on his forehead lightly so he’s looking at the lights.

He knows it’s an innocent gesture, but his skin is on fire from her touch and it was only on his goddamned forehead.

“Okay Mr. Math Wiz, let’s test your skills.”

“How?”

“Have you ever played War?”

»»»

They’re sitting in the middle of her bed with a deck of cards playing War. High card wins and you keep going until one person has all of the cards. Grace changed into leggings and a large long sleeved shirt as soon as they were in her room, Calum was comfortable enough in his black slacks and black t-shirt.

“Y’know, this isn’t really a math skills game,” he says as they flip their cards. He’s got a 9 and she has 10 so she takes the cards.

“It is a skills game,” she retorts.

“Can I ask you something?”

“Sure.”

“How do you come up with your poems?”

“Um, different things give me inspiration. Usually it’s a word or phrase and it just sparks something in me. Sometimes a song will give me a feeling and I’ll go off on that. I love when word vomit happens, it just keeps coming out, it’s not always good but it’s better than writer’s block,” she explains.

“What do you do when you have writer’s block?”

“Listen to music, read other poetry and go crazy,” she laughs. She snatches two more cards. “I hate writer’s block, especially when I really want to write something good but nothing is flowing. It’s the worst.”

“Do you write them all on your phone?” Calum takes the two cards this time.

“Sometimes,” she nods biting her lip. “but I prefer writing them in a notebook. If you saw my process you’d laugh, it’s so crazy. There’s so many scribbles and circled words, question marks, you name it. It doesn’t look like it makes sense but it makes sense to me.”

“That’s not crazy, that’s your writing process. Mine is pretty similar actually.”

“Really? How so?”

“I like writing songs down in a notebook, too. Makes them more real, I think. I like to know I can physically change it instead of deleting it, cause then I can go back to the first idea if I wanted to,” he explains taking another set.

“That’s how I think, too,” she smiles then abruptly shouts, “I DECLARE WAR!”

“What the hell does that even mean?” he asks with his eyebrows raised.

“We both have the same card, so we draw until one of us has the higher card. Go, go, go!”

Their three cards deep until she has an ace and he has a 5. She laughs a ‘mwahahaha’ as she takes the cards. Calum can’t even be mad.

“That laugh earned you another ten,” he comments putting his card down.

“You’re ridiculous,” she shakes her head.

They stay up playing War until 2:30 in the morning when Grace finally wins it all. She yawns as she pulls together all the cards.

“I should get going so you can get some sleep,” he says rolling off the bed.

“You can’t drive in your condition.”

“My condition?”

“You’re sleepy! That’s just as dangerous as drunk driving, Calum,” she says sternly.

“I promise, I’m fine. I live five minutes away, Grace.”

She stares at him for a beat then gives in, her eyes are heavy. “Fine, but text me when you’re home safe?”

“I promise. Did you have fun tonight?” he asks by the door.

“I did have a lot of fun, thanks for it all.”

“You’re welcome.”

“When um, when exactly does this whole thing . . . start, exactly?” she motions between them.

“Uhh, I think Francesca said on Monday they want us to be seen out in public together. We’ll be releasing the new single in two weeks, so.”

“Right, right,” she nods looking at her toes in the carpet.

“Hey,” Calum says softly so she’ll look up at him. “it’ll be okay, yeah? We’ll come up with our own rules, remember?” he smiles tiredly.

“Yeah, okay,” she sighs bouncing one foot on the floor. “It’s just so weird, you know?”

“I know, but we’ll make it work. We’ll make it be like how tonight was, easy and fun.”

“Easy and fun,” she mutters, “I can handle that.”

“Good. I’m gonna go cause you’re about to fall asleep standing up,” he chuckles. “Sleep well, Grace.”

“I will when you text me you’re home.”

They bid goodbye and he walks down the hallway to the elevator. In the time it takes for Grace to brush her teeth, wipe off her make-up and change into her pajamas, Calum is already home and has texted her.

She shuts the lights off and snuggles into her bed smiling at her phone.

Grace: ‘I’m glad you got home safe (:’

Calum:‘thanks for being concerned. Another ten points ;)’

Grace: ‘calum. I’m almost at 100 points! That’s insane’

Calum: ‘that’s accurate. Now go to sleep and dream sweet dreams.’

Grace:‘I’ll try. You have good dreams, too’

Calum: ‘doubtful, I don’t remember any of my dreams’

Grace: ‘really? That’s sad. I once had a dream I was best friends with Ariana Grande and we were just walking around saying hi to fans. It was so cool’

Calum: ‘Grace.’

Grace: ‘yes?’

Calum: ‘go to sleep lol’

Grace: ‘okay fine’

Calum: ‘goodnight, grace (:’

Grace: ‘goodnight calum, goodnight moon . . .’

#calum hood #calum 5sos #calum hood fanfiction #calum fluff #5sos #5sos imagines #5sos writings #calum imagines #calum hood writings

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soft-boy-stefan · 5 years

Text

Sins of a Priest [a poly readerXShawn MendesXCamila Cabello fic]

Warning: priest, demons, poly relationship, sex dreams, hints to sex, swearing

a/n: if you don’t like anything above in the warnings or Camila, don’t read it. I don’t want any hate. Also, I do not know if Camila and Shawn are together, this is purely bisexual fanfic because I’m a slut for the both of them. Have fun reading! Feedback appreciated!

Priests shouldn’t drink. Most of them don’t, however, a shot glass nurses in Shawn’s hand like the Bible had done earlier today. After a long service, Shawn takes refuge in the empty church, particularly in his office.

He isn’t sure when exactly he fell asleep on the plush couch, but it’s 11:47 and he’s jolting awake after having a super sexy dream involving two people and him. Sweat drips down his forehead and onto the curve of his nose, disappearing with a quick wipe of the back of his hand.

With a loud, heavy, sigh, Shawn places the empty shot glass of whiskey on the side table. He unbuttons the top buttons of his black shirt, loosening his collar as he shuts his eyes. Such impure thoughts are not acceptable. Especially for a priest such as himself. Not only was the dream sexual, there were more than two people, which is definitely unholy.

Raking one of his large hands through his tostled hair, some of his thick brows curls fall in front of his golden brown eyes. He supposes he should be getting home, since it’s nearly midnight and he prefers his warm bed to his office couch any day. And a shower would be nice in the morning.

Shawn stands up and stretches his back, making his muscles move underneath his smooth black dress shirt. With another sigh, the young priest grabs his keys and bag, flicking the light switch off. He steps out of his office, turning around and shutting the door.

As his hand moves up to stick the key in the hole of the door, he stops, his head snapping up at the sound of giggles. Nobody is in the church but him, he is sure of that. At least…. there isn’t supposed to be anyone else here.

Craning his head to the side, some of his dark curls dangle in front of his honey colored eyes that search the hallway. “He’s a priest!” He hears a high pitched voice giggle, which no doubt belongs to a female. There’s another giggle, different from the first one.

Shawn sighs quietly to himself, rubbing his temple. He doesn’t want to deal with people at the moment. Putting on his fake smile, he starts walking down the hallway, his black dress shoes padding on the carpet as he rounds the corner. “Excuse-... me?” He pauses when he comes face to face with nothing. He swears he heard people.

“Ooo, he’s so sexy! I like his ass!” He hears another voice say, followed by more giggles.

This is making him downright frustrated. Shawn whips back around so fast he almost gives himself whiplash, frowning at the empty, dim lit hall. He only had a glass of whiskey, he isn’t that drunk. Maybe he’s hallucinating.

Suddenly, there’s two sets of hands on his body; one pair on his shoulders and one pair on his hips. Shawn jerks away from the hands, spinning around once more like a mad man. Again, there’s no one there.

Inhaling a shaky breath, Shawn pushes his thick curls back slowly, letting them drop back in their place. A manicured nail tapping him on the shoulder makes him jump and look over, shouting. “Hi, handsome!” A beautiful tan girl smiles at him, her voice the same as the first one he heard. “You’re right, Y/N, he is sexy! In a cute, innocent way.”

Shawn gulps loudly, eyes wide as he recognizes the woman as one from his recent dream. She’s wearing very little, which is driving Shawn crazier. Her tan breasts are held up with a black bra, showing some of her cleavage and black jeans are hugging her hips like they were made just for her legs. The gorgeous dark brown hair is a sexy mess, framing her beautiful face and hoop earrings.

Whipping around to the other side at the sound of another giggle, Shawn’s mouth goes dry. You smirk, waving your fingers in a seductive way as he recalls you from his dream. The black shirt hangs off one of your shoulders, stopping at the start of your stomach. Matching leather pants hug all your curves the right way, making him swallow.

“I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to ask you to leave. The church is closed, I’m not even supposed to be here.” Shawn chuckles nervously, rubbing the back of his neck.

You hum softly, dragging your fingers down his bulging bicep that’s snug in his black dress shirt. Shawn gulps loud, which causes Camila to chuckle in a sinister way. Far too sinister for being in a church. “I was under the impression priests don’t drink.” you purr, adding more emphasis to the last word as your tongue darts across your lower lip.

Shawn pauses for a moment, his hazel eyes flicking between you and Camila. Nobody could possibly know about his few late night drinks. He made sure he was alone in his office on those nights. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave.” the young man repeats for the second time, this time more forceful.

A perfect pink pout forms on Camila’s lips and she places a delicate hand on the tuft of dark brown chest hair that’s showing from his shirt. “You aren’t a very good priest, are you? I mean, with the late night drinking-”

“Jesus drank wine on multiple occasions-” Shawn tries to argue, gulping.

“-and those sexual dreams with the three of us?” Camila continues, clicking her tongue against the roof of her mouth. You shake your head teasingly, mimicking her actions.

Shawn swallows, his curls dangling in front of his bright eyes. “I’m sure Jesus had sex dreams too!” he all but squeaks. By now, his natural pink tinted cheeks are a flaming red. He isn’t even thinking about how they know these things.

You let out a laugh, squeezing his biceps. “You’re such a sinful priest!” you smirk, your eyes turning a midnight black.

A shriek of terror comes from the six foot man and he jumps back. “Demons!” Shawn accuses, grabbing the nearest Bible with a shaking hand. “T-this is holy ground, y-you shouldn’t have been able to step f-foot on the prop-erty…” His voice wavers, cracking a couple times.

Camila’s lips tilt into a smirk as she plucks the Bible from his hands, holding the corner with her manicured thumb and pointer finger. “Oh, sweetheart, you’re thinking of regular demons.” she hums, tossing the holy book to the side with ease. The heavy book falls to the carpet face first, creating a loud thud.

“We are succubus (or incubus for males) demons.” you purr in his ear, sending shivers down his spine. “We came from your dreams, handsome. The sexual nature of your dream brought us here.” you smirk wickedly.

He brought demons into the church. Shit, this is definitely not what good priests do. Shawn’s faces turns ghost white in the realization of what he’s done. “Y-you… I-I cast you back to Hell, you demons!”

Both of you stare at each other for a solid five seconds before bursting out into a fit of giggles. A frown forms on Shawn’s face and he looks between the two of you. “I cast you back to Hell!” he shouts again, trying not to whine. He’s so fucking tired; it’s past midnight and he just wants to go home.

“I cast you back to Hell!” you mimic him, giggling more.

Camila giggles along with you, resting her forearm on his shoulder while you twirl some of his curls around your finger. “Here’s the deal,” she smirks, “We don’t leave,” she pauses for emphasis, tilting her chin down slightly. “Until we get what we want.” she smiles brightly. “You can’t cast us anywhere, Shawnie boy.” she hums smugly.

Desperate for sleep, Shawn trails his hand down his face. “What do you want?” he asks reluctantly, his deep voice raspy.

You stand on your toes, leaning up to his ear. “Easy, one little thing. Sex.” you whisper in his ear, sucking on his small silver hoop earring. Camila smirks, nodding and rubbing his chest hair.

Shawn shrugs the demons off, starting to walk to the door. “Absolutely not going to happen.” he huffs. “If I can’t banish you, I’m going home.” he opens the door, turning back to see nothing. Good, he thinks to himself.

Walking through the empty dim lit parking lot, Shawn makes his way to his black Jeep. He pops the drivers side door open, throwing his bag in the backseat before climbing into the seat. After shutting the door, a long sigh of relief, mixed with tiredness, escapes him and he rests his forehead on the steering wheel.

“So…” you pop up from the backseat, grinning wickedly as you rest your forearm on the back of the leather driver's seat. Shawn jumps, whipping his head back to look at you. You chuckle, wiggling your fingers in a little wave, showing off the many rings on your fingers.

“Where do you live?” Camila finishes your sentence, smirking. The tips of her hair cascade around her bra, perfectly framing her breasts.

Shawn looks at her, then back at you, slumping in his seat and staring straight ahead. In this moment, there is only one word to describe exactly what he’s thinking, and it’s the unholiest word of them all. “Fuck.”

Taglist:

@peterpxrxer @tvnyrogers @feministfeminist @bruhh-whateven @negative-love @random-writer06

#shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn mendes x you #shawmila #shawn mendes x reader #shawn mendes x reader x camila cabello #shawn mendes x camila cabello #camila cabello #camila cabello x reader #camila cabello imagines #camila cabello imagine

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celtics534 · 5 years

Text

Señorita

A cute little Muggle AU to calm down the vibe after Doom Days this week :)

Thanks @thedistantdusk from some awesome edits, @gryffindormischief for being so encouraging with this fic and @bluestwitch for the Spanish help :)

Inspired by Senorita by Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello, South of the Border by Ed Sheeran, and Nothing on You by Ed Sheeran. This may become a two-shot, I haven’t decided yet.

Read on: FF.net and AO3

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Harry slid himself into the small corner booth in the back of the cafe. He hadn’t wanted to leave his temporary flat, but coffee had become necessary. For the past two weeks, he’d been assigned to watch a potential sex trafficking ring leader. Harry’s team had discovered the man’s operations in London, but within the last month, word had spread that Norman Zello had gone to Spain for “business.” After gaining clearance from the CNP, Harry and his five-man squad had hopped on the next plane to Barcelona.

After two weeks straight of long nights and even longer days, Harry’s lieutenant had ordered him to take forty-eight hours without stepping foot in their base of operations. In other words, Harry now found himself a two day holiday in Spain.

He wasn’t much of a tourist; just the idea of going to those crowded spots gave him a headache. No, he’d rather act like the locals and pretend those prime locations didn’t exist-- which was why he’d picked this little hole in the wall cafe.

A waitress walked over with his croissant de almendra and café con leche. She gave him a flirtatious smile as she leaned over his table. Harry couldn’t help but look down her deep v neck, his face heating to near the temperature of the coffee. When she walked away, not without a wink and a helpful offer to get him anything else, Harry started researching places to visit.

When the little bell over the front door rang out, Harry looked up at the noise. Three beautiful women walked in. One was a tall blonde with blue eyes that reminded him of the ocean around the area. Another was dark haired with legs that seemed to go on for days. But Harry forgot all about them the minute his eyes connected with warm brown ones.

She was a petite redhead with freckles that covered every inch of visible skin. She clearly wasn’t from Spain. Her creamy white complexion gave that away. She had a mischievous smirk on her lips that told him he was already in trouble. His heart started to race as her eyes assessed him. Typically Harry wasn’t a vain man, but in that moment he wished he’d spent more time that morning trying to tame his unruly hair.

Harry had always had a thing for redheads, and she was already driving him crazy with her long hair and white shirt and blue jeans that skimmed her figure perfectly. When she winked at him, all Harry wanted out of life was to find out her name.

It took all of Harry’s will power to turn his attention back to his phone. Staring at someone was not an ideal way to make a good first impression.

He was reading the tour times for Camp Nou Stadium when someone cleared their throat near him. He looked up and was hypnotized by those coffee-colored eyes again.

The redhead was smiling down at him. “Hola.”

Harry’s brain chose that moment to forget everything. Knowledge of how to breathe and speak officially became things of his past. “I - Uh - Hi. I mean.” Harry knew he must have turned the shade of a tomato. “Hola.”

Her smile grew wider. “Oh good, you speak English. I thought I recognized a fellow kinsmen in you. Mind if I sit here until my order is ready?” She gestured to the empty booth across him.

“No,” Harry said, a little overzealous. Fucking hell, Harry! Stop making yourself look like a dunce He cleared his throat, before trying again. “No, feel free.”

“Thanks!” She slid in gracefully. “So, what are you doing in Spain?”

“I’m here for work.” He was semi-proud of himself for completing a sentence without stuttering.

She nodded. “Me too. My team and I are in the quarterfinals against Barcelona.”

“Your team?”

“Yeah. We play for England’s national team.”

As if she wasn’t hot enough already, but now she’s a pro football player?! Was it appropriate to propose to someone after only saying ten words to them?

Instead of maying a complete fool of himself, Harry used his brain before speaking. “Whoa, that’s amazing! What position do you play?”

“Forward.” She gave him a cocky grin that turned him on way more than it should have. “One of the best too, if I do say so myself. But what about you?” She propped her elbow on the table and placed her chin in her open palm. “What do you do?”

“I’m a detective for the MET.”

Her red brows scrunched together in an all-too-cute way. “For the MET. Then why are you in Spain?”

“My team and I are following a suspect. We’re hoping to uncover all his -- ill-advised -- activities.

“Wow!” She looked impressed. “Makes my job feel invaluable, doesn’t it?”

“No way.” He shook his head. “Being on the national team -- that’s fucking incredible.”

She smiled brightly, her brown eyes dancing with pleasure. “Thank you. It’s been a lot of hard work.”

Harry was about to pluck up some real courage and ask if he could come and see her play, but before he could open his mouth the redhead’s friends called her over. They held all their takeway bags.

“I’m sorry.” She stood “I’ve got to go. We’ve got practice soon.”

Harry stood as she started to make her way back to her teammates. He wanted to call out, ask for her number, but his bravery seemed to leave with her. Fuck ! Why couldn’t he grow a pair when it came to talking with women?

“Hey.” She had turned around halfway between him and her companions. “I was planning on heading to the beach this evening.” She cocked her head to the side. “If you’re free, maybe you’d like to meet up?”

His mouth couldn’t open fast enough. “Yeah, that would be great.”

She beamed at him and pulled out her phone. “What’s your number so I can text you when and where?”

Harry quickly relayed his number, watching her efficiently type in the digits. “Perfect.” She smiled at him. “I’ll see you later.” Before Harry realized what she was doing, her lips were on his cheek.

He could only watch as she turned back to her friends. It took a few moments for his brain to start running again. They were almost out the door when Harry yelled, “Wait, I don’t even know your name!”

She turned to look over her shoulder. The smirk she sent him made his whole body buzz. “It’s Ginny.”

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Ginny walked across the beach, her bare feet sinking into the sand with every step, warming her toes. Harry walked beside her his hand tucked neatly in hers. They had deserted the little fire Ginny’s team had crowded around in favor of a few minutes alone. When she glanced back, she’d been able to see flickering sparks rising into the air.

“I’ve always liked the way the moon reflects off the water,” Ginny said, her focus now on the crashing waves. “It’s like a picture out of a book. It’s beautiful.” She turned to look at him was blinded by his intense eyes. Fuck , she’d seen that emerald green across the cafe and had been instantly sucked in.

“Yeah, I know what you mean.”

Ginny got the distinct impression he wasn’t talking about that moon. The idea made butterflies flutter through her stomach. She was used to men trying to chat her up (she was a professional football star, for fuck’s sake), but typically they didn’t do anything for her. Harry, however, wasn’t like the rest. He wasn’t using pick-up lines, asking for tickets to her games, or staring at her chest. No, he was following the flow of conversation, asking her about her interests, and only verging away from her face every so often.

There was a real fire between them, and Ginny really liked it.

Before she could act on her feelings, a man and woman approached them. The couple stopped in front of them, talking in rapid Spanish. Ginny’s understanding of the language was extremely limited (ranging from hola to adios). Harry, however, nodded at the couple.

“Sí.” He pointed off towards the mainland. “ son unos veinte minutos por ese camino .”

The couple thanked Harry profusely (using another word in Ginny’s limited vocabulary) before heading off.

Ginny was impressed. “You speak Spanish?”

Harry turned back to her, his hand jumping to the back of his neck. “I’m fluent in Spanish, French, and German.”

“Really?” Ginny hated how fucking sexy she found that.

“Yeah.” Harry’s sheepish smile almost made Ginny kiss him right there. He had no idea how adorable he was, and it just increased his appeal.

“Can you tell me something in Spanish?”

“Uh… sure.” He paused for a moment. “Er. Estás arrestada . Pon las manos en tu cabeza.”

Ginny blinked. “What did you just say?”

“You're under arrest. Put your hands on your head.”

“Spanish makes that sound so much hotter. I’d be more than happy to be arrested if an officer talked to me like that.”

Harry laughed.

“What’s another thing you can say?” Ginny asked, not wanting the Spanish lessons to end.

“Uh.” Harry looked around the beach, his gaze focusing on the water. “¿Te gusta nadar?”

Ginny raised an eyebrow until he explained.

Harry’s cheeks flushed, making his complexion darker in the minimal light. His hand jumped back to his neck. “Do you like swimming?”

She beamed at him. “I love swimming.” She paused, considering the temperature, before reaching for the hem of her shirt. She tugged the white cotton over her head. “Care to join me?”

Harry’s eyes drifted south, taking in her black bra that she was planning to use as a bikini top. She saw his tongue come out and run along his lower lip, seemingly unconsciously.

“ Sí, Señorita. ” If his husky tone and sexy Spanish weren’t enough, Ginny practically started drooling when Harry removed his shirt. Fuck , the MET kept their men fit.

Ginny undid her jeans and stepped out of them. At this point, she needed to get into the water to cool her fucking hormones down. If he said Señorita like that again… Ginny wouldn’t be at fault for what happened.

She ran to the crashing waves, Harry shouting to wait up as he ran in behind her. The chilly water hit her like the iceberg that hit the Titanic: Hard and sharp.

Ginny, however, refused to be beaten by a liquid. She moved into the water up to her waist, her body trying to adjust from the temperature of warm sand.

When Harry’s arms finally wrapped around her from behind, the warmth of his body lessened the icy chill His lips were right next to her ear. “ Deberías haberme esperado, preciosa .” Gooseflesh rose across her body, and Ginny knew it had nothing to do with the cool temperature

She spun in his arms, their eyes locking. “You keep talking like that I won’t be able to control myself.”

Harry grinned. “Haz lo que quieras. Soy tuyo. ”

“Okay.” Ginny gave him her most charming smile. “Just remember I warned you.” She pressed herself to him, placing her hands on his shoulders, turning so he was out deeper in the water. Moving up to her tiptoes, she nuzzled her nose to his before using all her might to push him in.

Harry had not been expecting her attack -- or perhaps more accurately his defenses were down. His grip on her waist loosened and he fell easily, his body causing a dramatic splash. Ginny stood triumphantly, arms crossed.

When he surfaced, his hair was plastered to his face as he sputtered. Ginny smiled down at him. “That will teach you to mess with a Weasley. Only the bravest dare to try and handle us.”

Harry wiped the water away from his eyes and nose as he stood. His gaze never leaving hers. Ginny was surprised the water wasn’t boiling from the ardent look he was giving her. She sure as hell felt hot all over.

He moved in close, his hands sliding back over her hips and waist. His mouth hovered over hers, his breath warming her face. “Oh, trust me, I’m up for that dare.”

Ginny’s body hummed with anticipation. She could already imagine how his lips would feel on hers. Then, instead of having her imagination satisfied, Harry changed course. He backed away just enough so his arms could wrap around the back of her legs and shoulders. Before Ginny knew it, she was in his fireman’s hold.

“Whoa!” Ginny’s arms went around his neck. “Now, Harry, let’s talk about this.”

Harry smirked down at her. “What do you have to offer, Señorita ?”

Oh, Ginny really did love the way he said that . She leaned up and kissed him. She couldn’t have stopped it, even if she’d wanted to. It took Harry a second to realize what was happening, but he responded with enthusiasm. When his tongue ran across her lower lip, Ginny let out an embarrassing moan. She didn’t even realize he’d lowered her back into the water.

When oxygen became vital, Ginny pulled back. She remained on her tiptoes, not wanting to separate more than what was required to breathe.

“Harry.” She ran her hands into his soaked hair.

“Yeah?” His voice was low and all too inviting.

“How do you say wanna come back to my place in Spanish?”

“¿Quieres volver a mi casa?”

Ginny kissed him again. “ Sí, señor .”

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Harry’s woke slowly, refusing to open his eyes. He was so warm and comfy, the idea of ever moving seemed impractical. Giving in to the desire to get closer to the source of the warmth, Harry pushed backward, his back snuggling into the heat.

“ Harry .” The sleepy voice made memories flood back to him. Taking Ginny back to his flat. Kissing up against the front door. Lifting her up so she was at the perfect height…

He opened his eyes and turned in Ginny’s arms. Her mouth was twisted in a smile and he could see to the top of her breasts peeking out from under the sheet. He grinned. Last night had been… well, the best he’d ever had.

The urge to kiss her became overwhelming. He pressed his lips to hers lightly.

Her smile grew as she smacked her lips “Who do you think you are, prince charming?”

“If the shoe fits.”

Ginny’s laughed, her eyes opening slowly, herr brown eyes luring him back in. “Quite sure of yourself, hmm?”

He leaned in and kissed her again. “Well, the way you were talking last night…”

“Who says that was for you?” Ginny’s hands came up into his hair, spiking through it.

“Well unless you changed your name to ‘ oh, Harry ,’ I’ll take it as a compliment.” He paused loving the feel of her hands massaging his scalp. His eyes closed on their own accord. Then a horrible seed of doubt spread throughout his mind. He looked back into her smiling chocolate brown eyes. “Ginny, what was this?”

“I thought it was pretty self-explanatory.” Ginny’s lips curled in a smirk. “It’s called sex, Harry. Do I need to give a visual example?”

“That’s not what -- Well ,” He mentally shook himself. Focus, Potter . “I mean, was this just a one-off or --” His voice broke, betraying his nerves.

Ginny blinked at him like that was the last thing she’d expected him to ask. Her hands tightened in his hair, and in the next instant, as she flipped them. She straddled his hips, her lips coming to hover just over his. “Boy, I never took you for a one night stand. So don't make plans for anything but me and a little romance.”

When she kissed him, Harry couldn’t think of anything other than her. “ Sí, Señorita .”

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Spanish Key:

Sí, son unos veinte minutos por ese camino - Yes. It's about twenty minutes that way

Estás arrestada. Pon las manos en tu cabeza - You're under arrest. Put your hands on your head

¿Te gusta nadar? - Do you like swimming?

Deberías haberme esperado, preciosa - You should have waited for me, beautiful

Haz lo que quieras. Soy tuyo - Do whatever you want. I’m yours

#hinny #Harry Potter #harry potter fanfiction #harry potter fan fiction #harry X ginny #hinny fanfic #senorita #nothing on you #south of the border

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