#no guarantees when the next pages will be but I'll try to get the next two done in less than a year?? lmao

[jokerandtheaceofhearts]

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[vivwritesfics]

Shine A Light Into The Wreckage

Chapter Two - Until Next Time

Bob Floyd was many things. He was an instructor at Top Gun, a lover of Tolkien books and a huge fan of coffee. But Bob was also clumsy. That was how he bumped into the table, knocking her drink onto her notebook. He felt bad about it. Bad enough to come back time and time again, in the hopes that she would be there. And, every time, she is. Each time looking a little worse for wear. It doesn't take Bob long to realise he has to save her.

2K

Warnings: Abusive relationship! Abusive hair pulling! Abusive slight choking! Forceful sex! Seriously don't read if you're affect by stuff like this

Series Masterlist

The feeling of guilt didn't leave Bob for the rest of the day. He couldn't stop thinking about her, thinking about whether he'd ruined some important work or sketches that meant a lot to her or something. And then he thought about the coffee he had spilt over her lap. Was it burning hot? Did she have to go to the hospital instead of back to work? God, he hoped not. 

He didn't have work that day, but it didn't mean that he, Jake and Natasha weren't hanging out. Normally they wouldn't run to the cafe to get coffee on a day like this, not when they had Natasha's coffee machine so close by. 

Jake offered him a cigarette as the three of them sat on the back porch. Bob took it, placing it between his lips. But he didn't light it, not yet. 

"Anybody want a coffee?" Asked Natasha. She stubbed out her own cigarette and stood up. 

But, before she could get to her back door, Bob was there. "I'll get them!" He said quickly. "Latte and a black coffee, right?" He asked. But he gave them no time to answer and took off, leaving through Natasha's front door. 

"What the hell was that?" Jake asked as he watched Bob disappear out of the front door. 

Natasha returned to the porch to sit beside her fellow pilot turned Top Gun instructor. "I seriously don't know," she said, turning to Jake, her eyebrows raised. 

"You think there's a girl involved?"

"With our Baby On Board?" Asked Natasha, her eyebrows raised. "Maybe it's the cute barista, the one with the pink hair," she suggested. 

Jake looked back towards the door, but Bob was long gone by now. "Should we follow him?"

She shook her head. "He's getting us coffee. We can grill him once the cup is in my hand."

***

Bob didn't light his cigarette. He placed it in his pocket as he grabbed something, a notebook, from the passenger seat of his truck. 

As soon as he had the notebook tucked under his arm, Bob set off, heading to the café. There was no guarantee she'd be there. He just had to hope.

He didn't see her when he first walked in. No, he was looking for a girl in a blouse and a grey pencil skirt. He wasn’t looking for someone dressed down in a sweater and jeans, hair pulled back out of her face. He wasn't looking at the back of the cafe, was expecting her at the front. 

Bob walked up to the counter. He got the black coffee, the latte, and the tea (he might have been a coffee man, but it wasn’t always his go to. Sometimes there was nothing better than a good cup of tea). 

When he turned back around, his drinks in the cupholder, he finally spotted her. 

The sweater was blue, knitted. The sleeves were folded at the wrists, probably too long. The legs of her jeans were too long, hiding the shoes on her feet. She was undeniably pretty, something Bob didn’t notice the first time around. But, in his defence, he was too busy fumbling. Again she had a cup full of coffee in front of a notebook with brown pages. The notebook he had ruined just days before. 

When Bob approached, she didn't look up, desperately trying to read beneath the coffee stains. 

For a moment, Bob didn't know what to do. He looked around and awkwardly cleared his throat. 

Finally, she looked up, meeting his gaze. There was a second before she recognised him. "If you’re here to throw another coffee over me, I'm begging you find another victim." 

Bob managed a weak laugh as he set his own drinks down, this time without spilling any. "Actually, that's why I'm here," he said, grabbing the notebook from under his arm. "I saw that I ruined your notebook yesterday and I'm really sorry about that. I can't get back the stuff I ruined on the pages, but I was hoping this would help. Even if just a little."

Bob held the notebook out to her, their fingers touching as she took it from him. The cover was pink, with nothing else on it. She opened the notebook to find the lined pages. It was exactly what she needed. 

Placing the notebook beneath her ruined one, she looked up at Bob. "What's your name?" She asked, crossing one leg over the other and leaning back in her chair. 

"Robert Floyd, ma'am. But everybody calls me Bob."

"Do you wanna have a drink with me, Bob?" She asked as she picked up her mug and took a sip. She put the mug back down and licked the coffee moustache from her top lip. "Maybe then you can buy me a replacement drink."

Bob nodded. He pulled off the lid of his takeaway cup, added the sachet of milk and the sachet of sugar to his tea. 

She took another long sip of her coffee. "You're an aviator, aren’t you?" She asked. 

Bob couldn't help but smile at that. "Uh, yeah. I was in Top Gun last year. I'm an instructor now."

She nodded slowly. "You hang out at The Hard Deck?"

Bob gave a quick nod and stirred his steaming tea.

"Yeah, I went down there once," she said. "One of your guys flirted with me, and my boyfriend got so angry he got us kicked out." She had been smiling for most of the sentence. But, as soon as she had said it, the smile dropped from her face.

Boyfriend. Bob tried not to dwell on that. He wasn't here to get her attention in that way. No, he was here to make things right.

"Let me guess," he began. "He was tall, spoke with a Texas accent, and the name on his uniform said 'Hangman'."

Suddenly, she let out a snort. "No freaking way," she said through giggles as she looked at him. "You actually know him? That's hilarious!"

Bob couldn't help but laugh along with her. It was infectious and, as soon as he saw her face light up, Bob realised he couldn't get enough. "Yeah, that sounds like Hangman, all right," he said. All this time he had been mindlessly stirring his tea. 

Bob shifted the conversation away from his friend and co-worker. "Do you come in here often?" He asked and lifted his tea to his lips. 

She moved her head from side to side. Not saying no, but more like she was unsure. "I... do now," she said and finished her drink. 

Bob's eyes moved to the notebooks in front of her. The one he ruined and the one that replaced it. "What were you working on? You know, before I interrupted."

When she didn't immediately reply, Bob assumed the worst. He had overstepped and she no longer wanted to sit and drink coffee with him. 

She sucked in a breath, drumming her nails against the table. "Bob, did you ever have a vision for your life? You know, imagine the way you wanted to be loved, the way you wanted to love someone?" She asked, her eyes staring at the floor. If she saw when Bob slowly nodded, she didn’t indicate. "I did. But life threw curveballs my way."

She didn't say much more than that. Bob waited, his boiling tea in his hands as he looked at the disassociated look on her face. "Are you," he began, leaning forward in his seat with his arms on the table, "are you writing a romance story?"

She seemed to snap back into it, embarrassment written on her face and she sat up. That was all the confirmation Bob needed that, yes, she was writing a romance story. 

"You've got to let me read it."

The look she shot at him could only be described as incredulous. "You have got to be kidding me, Bobby," she said, the corner of her lips twitching up. "I barely know you."

Suddenly, Bob was feeling brave. Maybe it was because her words sounded like an invitation. "Well, let me get you another drink and you can get to know me.”

Conversation with Bob was easy. He bought her the hazelnut latte with oat milk, just as she had asked (okay, maybe she was splurging a little) and sat in the seat opposite her, still working on his own tea. He was only too eager to talk about his life, growing up in Montana and how he had ended up in San Diego. 

She listened, actually laughing when Bob attempted a joke (even if it wasn't very good). She talked back, offering up stories from her own life, making her own jokes, the kind that had him blushing red. 

By the time they finished talking, their respective drinks had gone cold (the ones Bob had bought for Jake and Natasha hours before had been forgotten, already thrown in the bin). 

"Crap," she said as she began putting her notebooks in her bag. "I didn't realise it had gotten so late." 

"Got somewhere you need to be?" Bob asked. Because, really, he didn't want to leave this cafe, didn't want the night to end. 

She shook her head. But then she stopped and gave a contemplative look. "Well, I should get going home," she said, pulling her jacket on and placing the strap of her bag over her shoulder. "But I hate walking in the dark."

"I can walk you."

He'd said it so quickly, he barely registered that he said anything at all. But he had and he couldn't take it back. 

"What, so you can find out where I live?" She challenged with a teasing smile. "You're a little stalker, aren’t you, Bobby? That's how you knew I'd be here today."

There was a split second, a fraction of a split second, where anxiety took over and Bob thought she was being serious. But then she laughed and he visibly relaxed. She was teasing him, and doing a damned good job of it. 

When she took his hand and pulled him out of the cafe, Bob's chest was hot. He'd known her a few hours and already there were feelings there. But she made it so easy for him. And that just simply wasn't fair (Bob knew she was a taken woman; she had told him. No matter what his feelings were, he hadn't acted on them and he wouldn't act on them. Feelings without action weren't bad, right?)

"So, why do you hate walking in the dark?" He asked as she led him to the end of the street. 

She shrugged her shoulders. "Always have," she answered quickly. "When I was a kid I had these vivid, awful nightmares of getting snatched off the street in the dark and I guess I never grew out of it."

Bob nodded. It was fair enough, really. He was sure if he had nightmares as a kid that were bad enough to follow him into adulthood, he'd still be scared of the cause. "I'm scared of slugs and snails," he said suddenly, easing the slight tension in the air. 

"What?" She asked before she let out a laugh. "But they're so cute!"

Bob shook his head. "They're not cute! When I was a kid I stepped on one and it exploded between my toes," he defended.

She stopped walking. "Bobby, you're gross," she said with a laugh and turned to the apartment building behind her. "Well, this is me," she said, fishing through her bag for a key. "Now you can properly stalk me." 

She found the key in the very bottom of her bag. "It was nice to properly meet you, Bob," she said, the joking tone gone from her voice. "Thanks for walking me home." 

"Until next time?" He offered, unable to keep hope out of his voice. 

"Until next time," she echoed as walked into her apartment building. 

But, before the door could shut, Bob caught it. “Wait!” He cried as she started up the stairs. He couldn't follow her, that would have been too much. “What's your name?”

“Until next time!”

Taglist: @biancathecool @not-nyasa @burningwitchprincess

[ssadumba55]

More Jack Skellington and Ghost Child! Reader

Request: Another jack Skellington father figure headcanons please

A/N: Continuing the canon that was established here

One of your little found family's favourite things to do together was read a book at night. It was the only thing that could guarantee everyday to pull Jack from his planning from next Halloween.

The bedtime routine had become your favourite, even though you didn't really need sleep. It was a mere formality seeing as you were literally dead.

Sally would help you pick out a book from the many shelves Jack had, a lot of them were gruesome but that's what comes from living in Halloweentown.

You always made yourself corporeal for this, snuggling up beside Sally on the bed and waiting for Jack to join. And he always did too, he was never late.

Sitting between the two adult ghouls, you flipped the pages while they read the words. Reading had never been a skill you'd picked up on before, but you liked listening to them read, feeling the warmth of them on either side of you. Which was funny seeing as none of you were actually alive so there should be no warmth.

And even though you really didn't need sleep, the routine always ended with you falling asleep, being tucked in by Jack and Sally and affectionate tucking in taking place

That was the best part of having a corporeal body, you could feel the warmth of the blanket and the gentle strokes of comfort from your adoptive parents

"Can I hold your hand?" You asked nervously

You and Jack had agreed to go on a special mission for Sally, she needed things for making her special brews and for other hobbies she took part in. She had said it was a good way to get Jack out of the house.

Jack looked down at you, your nervous form flickered between the usual transparent to the corporeal form. You had never liked the hustle and bustle of the main part of Halloweentown.

He held his hand out for you to grasp, and you did. It always struck him when he held your hand how small it was compared to his. Your small child hands looked even smaller in his bony fingers.

"You sure you're going to be alright?" He gently prodded. He had promised if you didn't feel up to it, the two of you could always try again another day.

"Yeah, I'll be fine dad."

If he had a heart, it would've surely skipped a beat at those words. Being called dad was not something he ever thought would make him feel so proud. It was a greater accomplishment even than his Halloweens.

"I know you will."

"Fetch Zero!" You tossed one of Jack's bones down the graveyard for the ghost dog to catch.

He barked excitedly as he floated as fast as he could to catch it, bringing it back in record speed. You tossed it again, this time harder and further.

The dog scurried off to retrieve the bone and you waited for him to return. It was strange to be here after staying at Jack's home for so long. You didn't miss being all alone out here, but sometimes you did miss the simplicity of it.

You were lifted into the air before you could dwell on the thoughts further, Jack had snuck up behind you and he set you on his shoulders. There was nothing better than being "on top of the world".

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you."

"Zero wanted to play fetch." As you said this, the dog in question raced back bone in mouth and Jack took it from him, connecting it to himself once more.

"It's time to come inside, your bedtime routine starts soon."

You kicked your legs in contentment as he walked back up the path to Halloweentown. Zero zoomed around at Jack's feet, following the two of you home.

You glanced back at the graveyard, one might think it was longingly but in reality, you didn't miss it as much as you thought.

[jimmys-zeppelin]

moonbeam

ch. vii

table of contents

may 26, 1998

What was Jimmy buying?

The question plagued Sabrina for far longer than she wanted it to. It was stupid, really, but she couldn’t shake the thought from her mind. The egg on her frying pan sizzled as she thought on Jimmy’s buying habits. The white began to brown at the edges and the smell snapped Sabrina from her daze. 

It was already noon and there would barely be enough time to eat her still-cooking egg before she’d have to leave. Then again, she wasn’t worried about coming in late. It wasn’t like she’d be reprimanded for her tardiness. Taking five extra minutes wouldn’t put her job in jeopardy. 

“I’ll just have to hire you to take care of my clothing mishaps, then,” Jimmy’s voice echoed in her mind from earlier that morning.

“Stupid,” she chuckled quietly, taking the frying pan off the fire and shaking it onto the waiting plate beside the stove. She hadn’t bothered to sit at the table because if she got too comfortable, she knew she wouldn’t get up. So she leaned over the counter, her Coca-Cola fizzing quietly in front of her. Distantly, she heard a buzz. 

Her phone was ringing. 

"Ugh, not the time," Sabrina mumbled as she shoveled most of the egg into her mouth and crossed into the living room where her purse lay on the sofa. 

She could feel the buzz and heard her unmistakable ringtone of The Spice Girls' "Never Give Up On The Good Times" and she anxiously hummed along as she shuffled through her bag. 

Finally, her fingers gripped the tiny black Nokia device. "What the—"

Jimmy Page — mobile 

ANSWER | DECLINE

Without a second thought, Sabrina clicked to answer the call, choosing to ignore the indiscernible sinking feeling in her chest that came with seeing his name on her screen. 

“Hello?” she answered with a start. Perhaps she was too quick.

“Sabrina, hi. Erm, hello," he sounded as if he were correcting himself. 

“Hi, Jimmy,” Sabrina said, going back to her egg and Coke. "Another fashion emergency?" she teased. 

There was a short pause, then he laughed. The bubbly laugh that hit her ears forced a smile onto her face and a flutter in her heart. She didn't want to feel this way about him, but she couldn't help it. He was so much older and there was no way in hell she'd be ready to get into anything else with someone else so soon. Despite Shaun’s having obviously moved on with Sarah. 

But the way Jimmy drew her in made Sabrina feel like a dazed cartoon character being led blindly by an enticing piece of meat. She wanted him. And she knew he shamelessly flirted with her. She loved it more than she cared to admit.

"No, no, I just, uh," he paused, trying to find the words, "Well, I felt bad that our conversation was interrupted earlier at Boots this morning." 

"Oh!" Sabrina took a sip of her soda. She grabbed the half-empty can and put it back into the refrigerator for later. Her egg was a leftover piece of whites—arguably the most boring part of the egg. She tossed the rest of it as she thought up a response. "Well, I'm about to head out to work, but I have a few minutes to chat." As many minutes as you need, Jimmy....

"Have I got you at a bad time?"

"Not at all. I'm the only one who's keeping the alterations business going. It's nothing too serious if I'm late," Sabrina shrugged on a windbreaker. It began to drizzle when she'd come back from Boots and she was sure the weather had gotten worse in the meantime. "Hey, you weren't serious about paying me triple for my job, were you?"

"If you want to work for me I can guarantee it'd probably be better. You'd only have to put up with me," Jimmy chuckled, "Plus you'll get to travel with me....and other benefits." 

The tone of benefits made Sabrina’s heart beat just that much faster. If there was one thing Jimmy did well, it was his ability to talk to women. 

"Benefits?" she questioned, an allure to her voice. 

"Yes, well," he chuckled again and sighed, "I know you don't have time to talk now. Next time I see you I'll bring out the contract." 

"Oh, God," Sabrina laughed, stuffing her keys into her pocket. She'd begun to grab the last few items she needed before leaving her apartment. "Your other suits are ready, by the way." Changing the subject was the only way she could slip out of the confrontation of admitting anything to Jimmy that she’d regret later.

"Ah, yes, I nearly forgot....I'll come by to get them. Maybe tomorrow. Unless you do house calls and can drop them off for me,” Jimmy said, hopeful. 

"Well, I'm not your assistant, Jimmy,” Sabrina retorted with a chuckle, tugging the building door closed and ensuring it was locked. She yanked her hood over her head as the rain began to dot her cheeks.

"Doesn't hurt to ask," he replied. She knew he was smiling. "What time do you get off work? If that's not a strange question to ask." 

It was certainly a question to ask. Strange? She couldn't tell. 

"Store closes at eight. Whenever we finish the closing duties I'll be out," she said, taking her tube card out from her back pocket in preparation to tap it at the turnstile. She stood to the side, though, for fear that if she tapped in, she'd lose any and all phone signal. "Are you planning on ambushing me?" 

"Perhaps...." Jimmy teased. "Just curious, really."

"Hey listen, I have to go, but if you want to talk more you can call the store and help me pass the time by pretending you’re putting in another order or something.”

"It's alright, I'll let Clarence's have their best employee for another day. I have some things I've been putting off myself." 

"Alright. Well, let's talk soon, hm?" Sabrina said, picking at the bit of loose skin at the edge of her nail. For the second time that day he was nearly sending her into cardiac arrest. If they didn't get off the phone soon, she'd quit her job and run to work for Jimmy Page at his (probably) big, fancy house. 

"Absolutely, Sab. Be safe out there, love." 

Her stomach did about four somersaults. 

"Thanks, Jimmy...bye." 

"Bye." 

He didn't hang up, and Sabrina watched the time duration continue on to 5:10, 5:11, 5:12 until she hung up. Sabrina had never felt this way for someone she had known for so little time. And someone famous, no less. She was terrified. 

☽ 

The late May rain poured down outside. Humidity fogged up Clarence's thin, glass door, the logo decal barely visible from where she stood inside. 

It was 8:15 in the evening. Sabrina felt grungy and gross. She needed a shower more than anything and knew her hair was in need of a wash. She had the next day's opening shift in twelve hours, but she knew already that she wouldn't be getting nearly enough sleep to power her through to the next day. 

Most of Clarence's staff had gone home for the day, citing the rain as their main reason for heading out early, but Sabrina and a few other stragglers remained. 

Luckily, Conner had worked the morning shift that day. After he'd left her place, he'd taken the train right to work and said he'd head home afterwards. Sabrina knew she wouldn't see him when she came in, and she was beyond thankful. She hadn't been ready to face him quite yet after the events of the previous night had transpired. 

They kissed, they touched, and when they were nearly headed to their final destination, a rotten feeling in Sabrina's gut had taken root. Conner was more than understanding and Sabrina was terribly embarrassed, but they both went to bed on good terms. Things would sort themselves out between them, but Sabrina wanted to avoid Conner for as long as she could until then. 

Sabrina yanked the vacuum cord to a more clear path. Thinking on all this, she realized she had been clenching her jaw. Grinding her teeth wasn't new, but her subconscious did it without her mind taking notice. She needed to schedule with the dentist. 

As she finished up the area she'd been working on, the bell over the door jingled, the hefty winds and white noise from the rain became louder. 

"Sorry, we're closed! Come back tomorrow, please," Sabrina called out, beginning to follow the cord to the vacuum when a soaked pair of loafers came into her view. Jimmy's.

"I'm sorry, I just—" he was out of breath, like he'd been running, "I needed to come see you." 

"What?" was her automated response. His perfect curls were flat against his forehead. His cigarette-tinged cologne mixed with rainwater. Rain drops rolled off his soft leather jacket and dripped onto the carpet with muffled thuds. Sabrina could hear her own breaths. The texture of the vacuum cord suddenly became obvious to her fingertips. 

"Sabrina, I know it's a horrible time, I'm soaked, I'm a mess, the store's closed, but I," Jimmy could hardly get the words out. Sabrina knew what he was going to say. She was so starstruck she almost didn't want to hear him say it. "I haven't stopped thinking about you since the day we met." 

"Jimmy—" Me, too. 

"Let me take you to dinner. Friday at seven. I'll pick you up. We'll go someplace nice." 

Sabrina stood stunned. No words left her, her jaw hung ajar, her eyes searching his for any sign of a lie. 

"If you say no I—"

"No, yes. Yes. Let's. I—" she stopped herself. The nerves were starting to hit. "Me?" she asked. 

"There's no one else here, Sab. You're...I barely know you but I haven't felt like this about anyone in a long, long time. One date. That's all I ask."

"I don't even know how old you are..." Sabrina chuckled. 

Jimmy's gut jumped with his laugh. Sabrina felt her insides melt a little at the sight. "I'm fifty-four. If it's too much, I think I'll die." 

"Twice my age," Sabrina said, a smile playing at the edge of her lips. Mum's gonna hate this, she thought to herself. 

"Twenty-seven," Jimmy said. Sabrina nodded. "Alright." 

"Alright?" Sabrina said. 

"Yeah...." he took a breath, letting himself take a look around the tiny store. "Now that I'm here," he started. 

"I'll go get your suits," Sabrina smiled. She locked the vacuum into a standing position and dropped the power cord to the floor. Their eyes met briefly, but the look he gave her was different that time. Just as she passed him, Jimmy took hold of her hand, a slight tug held her back. 

“Don’t be long…” Jimmy trailed off. The start of a cheeky smile played on the edges of his lips. When their eyes met, his lips grazed her middle finger just above her knuckle. A rush of excitement coursed through her. 

“Don’t worry,” Sabrina replied, her voice so soft it was nearly a whisper. 

Once sequestered in the fitting area upstairs, Sabrina tried her best not to jump and squeal out loud like a teenage girl, but with varied success. She couldn't help the unmoving smile on her face and hoped Jimmy would stay downstairs until she could better contain her feelings. The soft footsteps behind her proved her wrong. 

Jimmy couldn't help but smile either.

"Excuse me, sir, this area is for employees only," Sabrina said. 

“I couldn’t stay away,” Jimmy replied dryly, a chuckle on the horizon.

“Yeah, yeah, I bet,” Sabrina chided, zipping up the suit bags after ensuring both were Jimmy's.

She didn’t know what it was, but Jimmy felt right. She didn't want to take this for granted. Not one bit. 

There was a pause, then he spoke. “How are you getting home?" Jimmy asked, his fingers tracing down the length of her arm until he reached her fingertips. He toyed with them in his hand. Sabrina wished he'd take and kiss each one of her fingers. 

"It's alright, Jimmy, I was going to just tube it," she shrugged. 

"Nonsense," he said softly. "I'll give you a lift home. It’s pouring rain out there.”

She didn't want to fight. Plus, the more time she could spend with him, the better. 

"Fine," she conceded. "I just have to finish up downstairs and we can go." 

☽ 

Sabrina knocked her knees together anxiously. The radio played softly in the dark interior of Jimmy’s car. He wasn’t driving, as she quickly learned that he’d had his own driver—Giuseppe—who took him all over whenever he pleased. Hell of a job that must be, Sabrina thought, Driving around Jimmy Page on his personal ventures.

Giuseppe was Italian, as she could infer from his heavy accent. They spoke briefly, Sabrina introducing herself upon entering the vehicle. Silence quickly followed. She could feel Jimmy watching her from where he sat at his opposing seat. 

The moment was officially awkward. 

“Where are you planning on taking me for our night out?” Sabrina asked, shadows of raindrops on the back windshield obscuring Jimmy's face. 

Jimmy smiled slightly, “Um, well, I’ll have to see for sure where I can get us in, but I’m thinking Italian food. I know someone who owns a nice restaurant in Central London." 

"I love Italian." 

She loved pasta. And meatballs. But genuine Italian food was something she wasn't quite familiar with. 

"It's nice, not too fancy. I wouldn't imagine you'd be thrilled with anything too extravagant." 

"Well, I enjoy some extravagance sometimes," Sabrina giggled, "But you're right. The more intimate, the better." 

Giuseppe made the turn onto her block. Sabrina almost didn't want to leave. What would they possibly talk about? She could just sit staring at him until the car ran out of petrol, nary a word being traded between them, but the thought of Giuseppe sitting there....waiting....would be much too awkward. 

"Yes, good," Jimmy said, reaching for Sabrina's hand where it rested on the seat close by. He kissed her ice cold knuckles again, and noticed how her hand trembled slightly. "You alright?"

"Perfect. I'm always cold. Also I may or may not have eaten since we spoke on the phone earlier. Just a bit hungry." 

And not to mention the absolute ride the last hour was for her. 

"Sabrina..." Jimmy trailed off with a laugh, like he wanted to lecture her, but knew it wouldn't get him anywhere. The car slowed to a stop outside Sabrina's building. Jimmy peered out at the brown brick apartment complex. "This it?"

"Yeah. It's quite shitty, honestly," she exhaled a laugh, looking over to the building along with Jimmy.  It was home to her. More of a home than her home for the previous three years had been. After university, Sabrina and Shaun had gotten a place in Chelsea. It was nice, yes, but Sabrina always felt a detachment to the place. The building was too modern, tenants rude, and near constant fucking or fighting occurring on the other side of opposing flat walls. 

Sabrina hadn't been near the building since moving out in January. It harbored horrible memories—especially towards the end of things. Staring down at the positive pregnancy test, rejecting Shaun's proposal of marriage on New Year's Day, the bump was only just beginning to peek through her form fitting dress...

She hadn't thought about those days in a long time. 

Jimmy squeezed her hand.

"Let me walk you to your door," he said gently. 

His face held a sincerity she realized that not many did. The words didn't come, so she nodded. 

The usually short walk from the sidewalk to her door felt like it lasted miles. Sabrina fumbled with her keys, the rain wetted the metal pieces and soon there was a dark shadow covering the yellow-white light over the old door. She looked up, seeing the interior of Jimmy’s worn leather coat over her head, protecting her from the rain. 

“Such a romantic,” she chuckled, finding the right key seconds later. 

“I didn’t have a chance to grab an umbrella on my way out."

"If you thought about me a little less, you may have remembered." 

"Maybe so," Jimmy sighed. Rain drops landed on his curls, the locks of hair rustling like leaves in the wind. Sabrina wondered if she should invite him upstairs; let him borrow an umbrella...give him an excuse to see her again, maybe kiss her this time. His lips pursed as she watched him. "What's that look for?" 

"Sorry," a shot of adrenaline ran through her, "Got a little lost in my thoughts."

"Lost in my eyes, yeah?" 

"Shut up," she nudged him with her foot. The door opened. If she looked up at him again, then the moment would end. She sighed. 

Jimmy's foot tapped hers, drawing her attention up to him. The glint in his eye made her heart's presence in her chest obvious to her ears. 

"I guess I should go..." Sabrina started.

"I'll see you on Friday night," he said, using his free hand to graze her cheek using the backs of his fingers. 

Sabrina hummed in agreement, "Now you have my address." 

"Right-o..."

She exhaled a laugh.

"Sabrina—" he started. 

She reached for him, her fingers light on his cheek to steady him as she drew him in. His lips were soft—softer than she'd expected them to be. The moment was quick, but definitive. 

Their eyes met long enough for Sabrina to see the smile creep up on Jimmy's face, then she hurried inside. There was a quiet "Bye," said through the rain falling around them as she started into the building. Jimmy lingered for a beat, a smile permanently etched onto his face. Then, he shrugged his leather jacket back over his shoulders and started back to the car. Upstairs, he saw the glow of a light switch on. 

-

masterlist | playlist

taglist: @knotnatural @jonesyjonesyjonesy @paginate54 @hejustsatisfiess @salixfragilis @rosyfingereddawnn @reincarnated70sbaby @starstofillmydream @kyunisixx @blackberryblossom @jimmypages @foreverandadaydarling @lzep @n0quart3r @verrbena-in-the-air @groovyysav @mystify1222 @maziecrazycloud if you want to be added to the list let me know!

[blazinghotfoggynights]

I am not spending one more second focusing on the possibility of storylines.

Will Buddie happen or won't it? Who knows? I'd love to see it, but I can enjoy the story if that subplot doesn't manifest.

Why am I just sitting back and letting the story unfold? I'll tell you.

I have a few theories. Are they accurate? You'll have to ask the producers and ABC.

1- No one who actually has any genuine, accurate information is going to say a word.

If you think these "slips" in interviews or the "accidental clues" on social media are anything other than intentional and rehearsed, I want to point out that those who have worked for large corporations know companies plan everything. Every word from every person who has genuine knowledge of a specific situation is composed, proofread, and approved by a special group.

The people who are going to be speaking about the situation are thoroughly and intensely coached.

There is also the matter of non-disclosure agreements. If you have seen one from a large corporation, you know why that coaching is imperative unless you want to be unemployed and possibly owe the company sums with five to eight zeroes at the end. No decimals.

2- Tim Minear is guaranteed at least one more FULL season to play puppeteer with our favorite characters. I even believe that a season 9 is pretty much a guarantee, unless the ratings suddenly plummet this season or early next season, but has not been officially announced.

Wouldn't it make more sense to keep everyone guessing so the ratings stay high?

It would even make sense to keep Buddie in his back pocket until the ratings begin to slip, then pull it out as a hail mary. He is literally in control of what could be the most talked about, wanted, and obsessed about ship in major network TV right now. Why play your most powerful card when you are more successful than you have ever been?

You wait until things are cooling off and play that card to get another season or two.

3- He is enjoying being free to experiment and explore.

Look at the storylines he threw at us in this abbreviated season because he is no longer on a network that we all know is a bastion of diversity, inclusion, and representation.🙄 There is a canon bi character who is not a minority or effeminate and discovered himself in his 30s. There is a canon gay character who is not a minority or effeminate and came out in his 30s. We've seen the trials that happen in marriages. There is also Eddie Diaz, who I am not trying to sum up in just one sentence. You know that man is a major mess and his actions since mid-season six, or earlier if you want to be really nitpicky and petty, could fuel a thousand-page dissertation on the effects of trauma, repression, and denial on the psyche.

He's playing around and it is paying off.

Would I like to see Buddie eventually? Of course. Do I think it will happen? Depends on the day. Do I think Tim Minear is playing chess and not checkers? Absolutely.

So, I am just going to go along for the ride. Like any fan, I'll speculate here and there, but looking for breadcrumbs and secret signs everywhere and in everything?

(I'm also kind of lazy.)

[ciaossu-imagines]

No offence but why should people have to pay for stuff from you when 99% of creators on here would post the same things for free

Well, I really debated just deleting this. I really did. Or plain out blocking this anon. Because I really do try to ignore negativity in the inbox, truly, and normally do delete it. But I'll answer this one, in a mo', after I first say...putting no offense in front of an ask that is meant to be rude, to either hurt my feelings or make me feel bad, doesn't suddenly make it inoffensive. In fact, pretty much guaranteed that if you feel the need stick 'no offense' in front of something, you know it'll be offensive, or at the very least, rude, and you're trying to excuse a dick move. Question too...are you sending this ask to every fanartist accepting commissions too, or just the writers? My guess is a solid no, but hey, maybe you can prove me wrong.

Next point - nobody should be paying me anything right now. My commissions are temporarily closed. I'm not really accepting any at the moment because I'm on day 10 of a stretch of 12 days at work before I have one day off, after which I pull another 12 days before I get 2 whole days off. I'm struggling to find time to finish the two commissions I do have and to write to build up the queue on here again so I can continue to put out things on here again. I'm pulling at least one all-nighter a week just to make progress on those two things.

Again - free stuff. Because I definitely do offer lots of that. Commissions are done on top of me writing plenty for free, not instead of. It's simply not as long, or as detailed, and has rules around what I'll comfortably write.

Now onto actual commissions. All but two of the commissions I've handled have been incredibly personalized, either match ups for the actual person on the other side of the screen or working with people's self-inserts or OCs. The two that weren't were for incredibly rare pairs that don't have a lot of people writing for them (ShouheixYata from K Project and Sherlock Holmes (novel version) x Hiruma Yoichi from Eyeshield 21. Please show me even 5% of tumblr routinely putting out content for those pairings because I would enjoy reading anything from them.

For my match ups, smutty ones are at least 5 pages, while romantic and platonic ones have never gone below 7 pages and have, at times, gone as long as 15 pages and include intensely thought out explanations of why they're compatible with that character, what the relationship would be like, how the commissioner fits into the Canon universe, and at least 3, usually more other characters they could be compatible with, how those characters would know the commissioner and fit into their story and why the relationship might not work. I struggle to find blogs willing to do matchups even half that length and intricacy so please, direct me to the 95% of writers that will do that for free.

For my stories, the shortest I've done was 10 pages where I made a whole $1 per page. The longest has been 65 pages where I made $50. They all also come with a music mix and a storyboard with alternate ways the story could have gone and at least 5 new headcanons about the OC and the ship. Please, again, direct me to the 95% of tumblr writers willing to do that for someone else's self-insert ship or OC ship for free, of that length, with the extras. Most writers I know might occasionally write a friend's OC but not just anyone's and usually not 30-60 pages for them.

Long story short, I don't force anyone to commission me. If you don't want to and just want to enjoy the free stuff, that's perfectly cool with me! If you don't like that I take commissions, block me. If you feel everything I write is so generic and boring that 95% of other writers have wrote the exact same thing, my blog isn't for you, block me.

[hexpea]

Ch. 4 -A Mother's Intuition

"You're Toji Fushiguro," you barely managed to mumble out as the tall, dark stranger stood in front of you. 

He kept his grin as a response, hands still in his pockets as if he wasn't an intruder on private grounds. It hadn't even been a full day yet and your head was nearly on a stake. 

"Well, you need to leave. Now," you demanded, carefully putting Megumi in his crib since he had quieted down. 

"As true as that might be, I wonder who'll make me?" He leaned forward to better meet the height of your face, his eyes darted down to your body and then back to your eyes. You leaned backward slightly from his intrusion. In that same moment, you remembered how you were dressed, in your silk nightgown, and blood flushed to your cheeks. 

You had no idea what this man was capable of or why he was excommunicated in the first place, but you knew that he was dangerous. And his presence meant that you would be terminated if he was caught anywhere near Megumi. Whether that meant what you thought it did or not, you didn't want to find out.

"Listen," you nearly yelled in a whisper, this time making your presence known by leaning in toward him while he was the one to lean back, making sure to give him as much attitude as you could while remaining quiet, your heart still racing, "my job is on the line if you're here. I need this job so I can go home to my daughter. I don't want to be here and while I generally care what happens to Megumi as a baby, I care more about being with her. I'm not about to let some meat-head take that away from me."

Upon the mentioning of your daughter, Toji was taken aback for just a moment. You saw it in his eyes and then quickly flicker away. 

"So then we're on the same page," he chuckled and relaxed, rolling his eyes in the process then letting them settle on yours directly. 

"Same page?" You scoffed, looking him up and down in disbelief. "Hardly."

"Why do you think I'm here?" He answered simply, his emotions kept well in check. You stared at him as if to wait for him to continue. "I'm here to see my son."

You stood in silence, your heart softening only the slightest bit as you realized his intentions. You wanted so badly to continue banishing him, as if he'd listen, but something in your heart was telling you he ultimately meant no harm. 

"Why now?" You asked in a normal, quiet tone as you let your guard down just a smidge. 

"What do you mean?" He looked at you seriously. "I regularly do this type of thing, but he's usually still asleep when I come." 

You were shocked at his answer. You wondered if this was why the position of caretaker was vacant. What happened to the last one?  As you wondered, you watched quietly as the bulky man silently stepped over to the crib and kneel beside it. He rested his upper torso over the top bar, letting one of his arms also rest there while his other reached into the crib to gently caress Megumi's soft, little cheeks.  It was an unexpected image. This was the man you were consistently warned about? He looks vicious, but his actions say otherwise.

"So are you going to tattle?" Toji looked over at you, still resting over the crib bar with chin resting on the top of his hands. 

You again stared in silence. "I...need to think about it. I'm not trying to end up like the last one, wherever they are. Maybe there's a better way we can do this, with less sneaking around."

"Fine by me," he said while coming to a stand. "I'll be here again next week, same time. Let me know then. Otherwise, I plan on continuing my routine whether you're here or not." He pointed at you as if to guarantee. 

You gave a single, nervous nod as you watched him back out of the room through the shoji door where he had entered. Your heart, though it had relaxed a bit when you realized he was non-violent, had finally settled.  Just like that, your world had been turned upside down again. 

After Toji left, you tended to Megumi's needs and went back to bed. You, again, struggled to get back to sleep. 

The next day, you fell into the normal, scheduled routine that was assigned to you. In the mid-afternoon, while Megumi played in his Pack 'n Play, you and a few other attendants were working on drying the laundry. You were all outside, hanging the Zenin family's delicates on a thin wire with a clothespin. 

"So I have a few questions," you asked the attendant next to you as you continued the chore. 

"Mhm?" They responded, continuing their happy hum that they had been doing since starting the laundry. 

"What did Megumi's father do to get excommunicated?" You wondered carefully, hesitant to even ask considering it was sensitive information. 

The attendant sighed. "Well, it wasn't anything in particular. He just didn't have a cursed technique. In fact, he has quite the opposite. He has no cursed energy at all."

"Really? That was it?" You were surprised. They made this guy out to be the next Neo but it turned out he just wasn't special enough to stay in the family. 

"Well...he was just ostracized at first, kind of like a black sheep," they continued, making sure to keep their voice low. "He was still allowed on the grounds, he just wasn't given the Zenin treatment. But then he..." the attendant nearly stuttered, feeling as though they would be punished for even saying anything. You leaned your ear toward them expectantly, an expression on your face that begged them to continue. "They call him...The Sorcerer Killer," they whispered as quietly as they could.

"The Sorcerer Killer?" You repeated without any care of your volume. You were quickly hushed by the attendant, as if you were a child needing scolding. 

"Yes," they confirmed, "because he has no cursed energy that can be detected by sorcerers and his skills in martial arts, he is quite the fighter. He makes his money as an assassin, known for not questioning his clients as long as the pay's good." There it is, you thought, that was the answer you were looking for.

"I see," you nodded, feeling mostly satisfied with that description. Any more information said aloud could get you both into trouble. 

"Please don't tell me you've seen him," the attendant suddenly plead. "The first attendant hardly lasted a month...he keeps breaking in here. It's like he doesn't care if he's caught, and he certainly doesn't care what happens to people like us."

You quickly shook your head, hoping your usually awful lying was pulling through. "No, not at all. I was just curious. I am taking care of his baby after all. I figure it's important for me to know what I'm working with here." 

The attendant you were speaking with took a deep exhale and shook their head as they hung another shirt on the line. "Thank goodness, I hope he's gone for good. It's not like he cares about his son in the first place. He's the one who sold Megumi to the clan after his wife passed away."

"I'm sorry, did you just say sold?" You repeated. If that was the case, then who was the man who visited so tenderly in the middle of the night?

They nodded in response. "He's a man who enjoys his money." 

You remained silent, stunned at the conflicting information you received. You thought about his appearance the night before, a threatening stature but gentle nature. But he sold his child?! You wondered what his true intentions were. You had never been in such a compromised position, the future completely unknown.  If you were to take back your suggestion to Toji, what could be done to prevent his weekly visits? Should you really...tattle?

[dykelawlight]

you're one of the best nsfw writers writing lawlight at the moment what are your tips for being explicit without giving people the ick

Oh wow, thank you ⁠— this is really really sweet!! Let me see what I can think of that's like...concrete building blocks

First things first: if you don't know, research! It's always great to pull from experience when possible, but there have also been many nonfiction books and such written about like, basically Kink Rules™ that can be very helpful to pull from when you're trying to plot out how a scene would go or what you personally find really sexy. (Of course, there are plenty of these that are cringe and icky too because the ~kink community~ is vast and contains many people who are very annoying, so take what works and leave the rest.) I once read an entire book that was just about bootblacking/shoe stuff because I didn't know a lot about it and thought it sounded hot. As a broader example, I write and prefer dom/sub stuff (as you well know!), so I like Dossie Easton & Janet Hardy's The New Topping Book and The New Bottoming Book, both of which can be kind of hokey but which have a lot of sexy things to say from the perspective of people who engage in d/s relationships and scenes irl aimed at people who may be new to one or both. (They're also both available digitally but they're pretty easy to secure hard copies of if you think you'll get any significant use out of them.) I would say I don't need to refer to these personally as a source of actual new knowledge at this stage of my life, but specific concepts or scenes that resonate and/or that I've never personally tried can bloom into fanfic stuff later.

I write things down immediately as they occur to me. If I'm fuckin standing in the elevator and I experience a vision of a character I'm writing like moaning a specific phrase or some shit I'll straight up jot it in my notes app so I don't forget and can build on it. I also often will write when I personally am already kind of warmed up because I find that's when the least inhibited and therefore hottest shit hits the page, to be cleaned up and edited into presentableness by my less-revved self in the future.

Stick to basic terms for most things 99.9% of the time. I find that "cock" and "cunt" etc., while sort of standard and definitely something you'll probably see a lot of if you ctrl+F your fic later, are basically the "said" of porn. Not everything needs to have an explicit description all the time. I will also slide into use of "dick" and "pussy" when I feel it's raunchy and hot to do so but I generally don't come up with any shit other than that. Never talk about anybody's "pearl" or "flower" or shit. I'm not saying you can't make comparisons to those things, but it can't be The Word you use to talk about someone's genitalia.

On the opposite spectrum, too much use of "moan" to describe sounds and sentences gets very repetitive very fast! People make a lot of different noises during sex and describing more of them than just moaning adds depth and sexiness. Much like "said," that's not to say it doesn't have its place and not every word should be "yelped" "whimpered" "sobbed" etc. (though I am partial to the latter), but it doesn't need to be every sound, either.

Don't be afraid to write shit you like even if you feel like you might be the only person on the planet who finds it really sexy. I'm writing strap sex for this next fic I'm working on and, while it's obviously a very broad category, I know it's not everyone's cup of tea and some people are actively averse to it in lesbian fic. That's fine, but I know what I like and what I like is to get my silicone dick wet, so that's what's going to happen. I guarantee other people will find it and enjoy stuff you wrote just for you even if they maybe originally didn't think it was for them.

That's everything that immediately comes to mind!! I welcome feedback/comments/reblogs etc. here because I have some HOTTTT writers following me who I think frankly put me to shame 🙇🏻‍♂️

[a-tale-never-told]

Important Announcement!

//Greetings amazing readers, Mod Sam here with another post about the status of what I'm going to do for the next two weeks.//

//Firstly, I just want to give a major shout-out to those who supported me last night during my mental rant about my insecurities as a writer and the state of this blog. @freezethunder @spyrkle4 @deustux @ghostshadow-k-r @cicicookie12 @tired-writer-in-progress and the entirety of you all. I'm so glad that I have such supportive people and fans in my life and I'm grateful and appreciate the support massively ^^. You all are amazing and special and never forget that!^^.

//That being said I have been giving this a bit of thought and with how much work I'm going to do next week, I have decided to take a break from writing the story a bit, in order to refresh and get a better direction for the rest of the blog, in terms of writing, quality, better presentation and especially the explanation of the premise.//

// I have to pretty much take a break from writing for I'm guessing two weeks so I can focus on my studies and how I'm writing the story and plot going forward. Two weeks for me is at least enough time to figure out where I'm at and try to improve on most of the issues with this blog. I might be active on the weekends and Fridays, but that's mainly to post the history stuff so you can all as an audience understand what is this world, and how it ties very much with our own.//

// The history essays are certainly now going to be an important part of this blog as an explanation tool as well. I originally planned to introduce my first history essay once the arc had concluded, but with the lack of asks in the past few days, I can almost guarantee that it's mostly due to the lack of historical knowledge most of my audience has. So I am now forced to introduce these posts earlier than I planned to, which is honestly an improvement. For one, I get to talk about a certain topic that I love, and two, it allows you all an insight into the complex and interesting world of history.//

// I've also decided to stop comparing myself to other story blogs, as not only are they far more experienced and have flexible schedules compared to me, but it also makes me come off as a bit of a douchebag towards the other blogs. Obviously, this is not the intention, but it still gives off a terrible, almost Nerdrotic-like look when you openly compare yourself to people who are evidently more experienced than you. It's not a great look, so to speak.//

//What's funny is that when you think about it, this entire blog is just ASOOT with alternate history sprinkled onto it, like a salad. But I want this blog to be so much more than just that!. I want this blog to grow, to expand into reaches beyond what any blog has really done before, with the story, with the characters, with the lore. I want a TV Tropes page, for crying out loud!. But it is obvious that by comparing myself to other blogs, I'm only doing more harm than good. Hence why I have decided to put an end to that.//

// I haven't decided on a time schedule as of yet, but I'm most active on days when I'm not busy or occupied with any tasks or work to do, so I can do that for now. I'll update you guys on that when I finally decide on a flexible time schedule.//

//I have massive plans for this blog going forward with future arcs, especially with the rest of the characters. Harumi and Tenmei, the Kuzuryus, Nikolai, Nidai's dads, and the rest of them, I have massive plans and goals that I genuinely want to share with the rest of you and the story blog community. After all, it's going to be a long way untill we reach the peak of the mountaintop. I just pray that you all still will be with me once I get there.//

//Thanks to everyone who supported me so far, and has followed this story blog's progress from the very beginning. You all are amazing people and I cannot stress how much I value your kindness and words on this site. Thank you for making this blog a reality, despite all the hardship. And just remember to those who might've not heard of my blog or seen it as of yet, I recommend you should, as it's certainly an interesting experience. Don't be afraid and hit the follow button for A Tale Never Told. I promise you that you won't be disappointed and bored^^

//This is Mod Sam from A Tale Never Told, signing out. Take care and have a good one, everybody^^

[thessalian]

Thess vs Minor Improvements

Okay, so the few bits of good news:

My stepfather fixed the sink. Apparently there's nothing I can do to stop it from doing that, and thankfully it's only likely to do that to any great degree once every few years. Maybe "it's been long enough that the shittily designed plumbing in this flat has been able to clog beyond redemption" will be enough of a wake-up call for my stepfather to get a bloody move on with actual renovations.

And then there's the job.

...No, okay, look, before I go on with the minor improvements, I have to say a thing. Yes, I know that this job is wearing me down and making me very unhappy. However, two things:

Unbelievable as it sounds, this is the best job I've ever had. It accommodates my medical issues, where others have literally fired me for being ill (yes, they were temp jobs, but the last time I checked, one day to recover from the fact that I could barely even walk because of the horrible chair they stuck me with and refused to even try to replace even when I told them it was causing me physical pain was not grounds for terminating a contract). There have been at least two jobs that have literally rendered me unable to work for varying spans of time, whether because migraine or back problems because of a shitty chair or RSI so bad I could barely move my hands. THIS IS THE BEST OF THEM. Meditate on that awhile.

There is no earthly way that I could find a job that would accommodate my disability in this economy. None. Not in this economy, not in this country. The push to get people back into the office means that getting to work from home would be next to impossible, and part-time? Forget it. I was lucky that this job valued me enough to accommodate me, and that took a literal year of fighting for it.

So no, I can't "just find another job". And even if I did, it would be worse. I can guarantee you that it would be worse. And the disability benefits in this country are nearly impossible to get, even harder to keep, and harder still to live on. This is the one place I have to vent, okay? Let me vent. Send me sympathy, or if you can't, at least don't skirt the edge of potential victim-blaming. None of this is my fault, and if "just finding another job" - and more to the point, finding a better job - were so fucking easy, we'd all be doing it, for one reason or another. I just have it a little harder than some because I need accommodations that almost no one is willing to give. Please, just let me fucking vent.

Anyway. On to the workplace. There is some questionable good news. After a lot of yelling at HR over email, they finally sent an actual guide on how to use the Timesheet system. However, it was not particularly comprehensive. It took a lot of fiddling to find out which of the many extraneous codes I wanted for submitting an overtime claim - apparently "Extra Hours Worked" ain't it, and you have to go through three pages of menu to find "Overtime", which actually does. So I have successfully submitted my claim for the overtime I did in October. Unfortunately, I can't submit my claims for August and September, because I've been paid for those months already and "Historical Data Cannot Be Edited". So basically all this faffing about has meant that I wasn't able to submit my overtime claim for those months. Scruffman is going to escalate this, because he agrees that I should not be denied the pay for the nearly fifty fucking hours I put in during those two months. I figure what'll happen is that I'll have to put those hours into random spots in November and make a note that those are carried over from August and September.

Though that might be hard, all things considered. See, I may end up having to put in yet more overtime, because again, "unexpected absences". I don't know what the fuck is going on with my colleagues in the office, but it's clearly some kind of absolute clustermolest. Also, the New One is following Temp's example and will not touch a piece of dictation that's over a minute long. This is just a theme now. I've told Scruffman that I won't be able to pull overtime until I'm feeling better, though, because I feel like absolute crap right now. Fibromyalgia and con crud have a lot to answer for.

...Gods, I hope this isn't the flu...

[rolesplay]

・┆✦HE LIED ABOUT DEATH — a haibara ai/edogawa conan fanfic.

Because seeing nothing can also mean you can see everything.

The first time she'd woken up since the accident, she screamed. There wasn't anything she could see. It was just dark. Too dark. And she was so, so scared.

But he was there.

He was holding her hand, and he had spoken her name. Soothingly, apologetically.

It was times like this she remembers why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.

"Finally, Ai-chan's awake!"

And why she shouldn't.

She pulled her hand away from his hold. "Don't," she managed to choke out. Her voice was merely a rasp, a broken tone of a voice. She hated it.

"Alright," he replied, "alright." But she knew how he hated the sound of her voice too.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

The doctor had told her how damaged her body was, and it turned out she could barely even remember what had happened. They said she was tortured. Physically, yes, but not just that. Because her eyes seemed to have no physical defects. It was her mind. She was tortured mentally and emotionally so much that her own brain decided it was tired and pushed all her memories to where she couldn't find them, took off her sense of sight so she wouldn't see what was being done to her.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

"How unlucky. I get to live," she told him, a week later when she could manage herself perfectly well inside her own hospital room.

He had growled at her. He had always been so angry whenever she does that to herself.

"Never say that," he almost shouted at her. "Haibara. You have to live."

She supposed it was because of the antidote. She didn't say it out loud, though.

And then she heard it from the echoes of her memories: him saying the exact same thing. It was ridiculous, but it's what she'd heard.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Every once in a while, they visit her. The people she considers her friends, and the people who befriended him and thought it their duty to visit her.

After Hattori Heiji and Toyama Kazuha visited, she'd asked Edogawa if he put the Osakan detective because of some misguided attempt to cheer her up. Before he even replied however, Ayumi, who was with the rest of Shounen Tantei in the room, burst out crying.

"Ai-chan! Why...? Why do you...?" The rest of her speech was unintelligible. She was speaking while sobbing and hiccupping.

Mitsuhiko and Genta decided to lead the crying girl out, with Mitsuhiko telling apologies, one after the other.

Ai asked, "Aren't you gonna follow them?"

He sighed. "Would it do any good if I did?"

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Agasa-hakase always visited her. He rarely ever came home. It was always the hospital, then science conventions.

But it was Conan who seemed like he almost never left her bedside. When she woke up, he was there. Before she slept, he was there. It was annoying... and endearing. Which left her annoyed even more because she's already head over heels for him! What more does he want?

"Ne, Hakase?" She called him as he was about to leave for his next convention. "Please tell Kudo-kun to leave me alone."

There was a lapse of a few seconds before the professor replied. "I'll try, Ai-kun. I can't guarantee it though. It's Shinichi, after all."

"Yeah..." she sighed. "You're right."

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

It happened on a rainy day. It was an incredibly boring day, with Conan reading a book—Ai could hear the flipping of pages—when she heard Ayumi's voice from the outside.

"But we're lying to her!" she yelled, conflicted and no doubt, tearful.

The door slid open and she heard running over to her. And then Ayumi was hugging Ai. "I'm sorry, Ai-chan. I'm sorry. But Conan-kun. Conan-kun is dead. He isn't here. So please, please stop talking like he's here."

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

She'd woken up with a throbbing headache, and what Ayumi had said was still ringing in her ears. She could hear motion though, so she thought she wasn't alone. Or she was, and she's just gone crazy.

"Ah! Ai-chan." It was Ran. "I'm sorry about Ayumi-chan and—"

"Is it true?" She interrupted her. "Is Edogawa-kun... dead?"

She didn't expect Ran to hug her like Ayumi did. She didn't expect Ran to cry, but she did. Ai ended up crying too.

✦•┈๑⋅⋯ ⋯⋅๑┈•✦

Ran told her the story after that: how Conan and Ai were kidnapped, and how Ran tried to go after them. How it turned out that it was a bigger thing than Ran initially thought, and there were police and CIA and FBI, and Shinichi. How they'd manage to capture everyone but not able to locate Conan and Ai. How the boss did some last attempt to hide all the crimes and turned on a bomb that would destroy the place, how Shinichi entered the place despite warnings not to. How he managed to throw Ai wrapped in a blanket, but never quite managed to save Conan and himself.

Later that night, she dreamt of it. And it was a nightmare.

And when she opened her eyes in the morning, she could see again. But never him. She could never see him again. The ghost or an illusion—she's never quite sure—of the boy she loved.

[lady-a-stuff]

I've seen people saying that the Kanej scenes are deprived of weight in the sab season 2 and I can't agree with that.

Why I think the "I'll have you without your armor, Kaz Brekker" scene worked in the show even though is different from the books.

First, Kaz paying off Inej's indenture. I think it's different from the books but because it's different it helps to explain Inej's line at the end.

In the books she is not expecting to receive her contract at that point of the story, it's a gift and a way to guarantee that she will have her freedom even if the job goes wrong, it shows that he cares.

“What is this?” she asked, her eyes scanning the page. “It’s not…” She ran her fingertips over the words as if expecting them to vanish. “My contract,” she whispered. “I don’t want you beholden to Per Haskell. Or me.” (...) “How?” she said. “The money—” “It’s done.” He’d liquidated every asset he had, used the last of the savings he’d accrued, every ill-gotten cent

But in the show it is something that she is expecting since S1 with the money they would get from kidnapping Alina, and then from the jewels Alina gives them, it's a promise he made her so she would go back with them to Ketterdam and it's a promise he keeps repeating everytime she says there's a chance that she has to go back to the Menagerie. In the scene where he gives her the indenture contract, he is open to her in a moment, telling without telling how he was concerned about her ("I didn't know where you were. I didn't know if Pekka hired another assassin to kill you. I didn't know if you would... " line) and in the next moment he shuts down and gives her the contract not to guarantee her freedom if everything goes wrong, cause things had already went perfect, but because she is a weak link "I make one thing without consulting you and I'm a weak link?", and then he basically states that he can't trust her because of it (quite cruel if you ask me).

So the scene of Kaz giving Inej her contract ends up being a way of him sending her away, keeping her away.

In season 2 Kaz is constantly trying to send Inej away, literally, like when he says she should go after Alina, then after giving her contract, then again when she wants to join the crew to go to Shu Han, it's almost like he doesn't want her there, but in fact it's just a way of showing how he is not ready to be open with her, to let her in (cause you know... is a weakness).

So he tried to keep her way physically, but she still goes with them to Shu Han and there it's all about work again: finish the job and get the money. When he has a panic attack, Inej is the one to help him pulling him out of the crowd and the 1st thing he says after this is "You were supposed to follow her(Ohval)", this is a way of showing that he doesn't want people near him in vulnerable moments and that the job is more important than other things (and isn't this what is the problem with Kaz? Everyone thinks he is always thinking about the job and the money in detriment of his and others' well-being? And all that to what?) in this moment he is keeping her away emotionally.

Then we have the hallucination scene and here Inej's own trust issues and fear of commitment takes place. For me the hallucination is the moment where Inej decides that Kaz would never be open to her and that leads to The Line™ at the end of the season, because at the end of the episode Kaz recognize that she saves him ("those who pull us out") and she says "hope is dangerous", tossing his line back to him, she is saying 'you taught me to not have hope I've learnt the lesson' (she won't cling to hope that he will be open to her).

Throughout the seasons Kaz shows Inej repeatedly how he feels and how he cares about her: the "no saint ever watched over me", he taking care of her wounds, the "it will give me some comfort to know that you're with me in the shadows", and he is emotionally more open to his crows (admitting Jesper as a brother, telling her his tell), but he is also constantly shutting her out and often after she sees a vulnerability: the "I can't have a weak link" after the I didn't know speech, the "You were supposed to follow her" after she sees him panicking in the crowd, the "to die under the weight of my own gold" after saying he was looking for her family.

Also Inej knows by Nina that he rather push her away than admit he feels anything for her, this means that Kaz is not ready to be really open to her and to his own feelings, it's another reason for Inej to say The Line™, especially because she is not ready too (not that she notices it, but is something that she can use as excuse)

There's this great post about this scene and Amita's acting, and it explains the differences between the show and the books and how the same line lands with different meaning and I so agree with that. As if Inej is questioning Kaz "this is what it's gonna be to be with you? You'll never really open up or you will just to a certain point before you lock me out again?"

In short I don't think the "I'll have you without armour" is deprived of weight in the show, they didn't reduce he line to physical touch and they build up things to justify all the scene, it's just different from the books and Inej's own problems with relationships and emotions appears more.

[princeshroob]

Hi, so I started playing Arknights almost exactly a month ago, so I thought I'd jot down my pulls and stuff down here.

First off... okay, normally I would post her summon screen here, but unfortunately I was rerolling for her and I got impatient and started skipping the screen (and I wasn't sure of the animation cues for 6* operators) so I don't have that, so have the e2 screen instead. What I do have however...

Is a screenshot of the game telling me that I got a Mudrock token. Which means I got her twice! And before you all ask, no I didn't miss out on a previous attempt thinking I didn't get her because of her armor, because whenever I got a 6*, I would end up looking at their profile page, go "huh, neat" and then continue rerolling, so I would've seen that I got her (and would've and did ask my friends if this was in fact who I was going for)

Oh, but that's not the end of my pulls on this banner, because when I did one (1) more pull, literally, I got this!

Yeah, I got Surtr who was the other rate-up on that banner, who I was told that I should try to get due to how good she is! Like, one of my friends has even gone on to say she's one of the top three meta characters in this game, so while I don't completely understand exactly what makes her good, and probably won't for a while, she's probably gonna hard carry my squad once I really get her going.

Oh, before I forget, I did buy Mudrock's dress just because she looks gorgeous in it! Moving on...

Angelina ended up being the guaranteed 6* I got from the beginner banner, and I actually got two of her, so that's nice.

Next is these two together because I got the Top Operator tag two times already (actually three, I got a Bagpipe dupe from that) and these are probably the best operators I could hope to get those times! (In regards to what tags I got, anyways) I'm doing pretty darn well for not doing a lot of pulls from the gacha (think I only did 31 total, counting the beginner banner, but not free pulls from the limited one at the time)

Anyways, that's it for the gacha pulls. I am taking note of other operators that I got, but I only want to talk about the 6* ones. But that's not the end, because I also want to show off how I'm doing in CC.

Basically, I already completed Risk 18 and got all of the challenges done. For r18, I basically did a combination of the Surtr and Horn low end clears I've seen online mainly to make up for the fact that neither of them were at full power (support Horn was from a rando, so I think that means she was stuck on skill level 7 instead of whatever m level she's at.) Of course I'm told that there's more stuff coming next week, but r18 is pretty much the hardest barrier to rewards this event (and forget going any higher just to flex) so I'll be taking it easy the rest of the event.

[chaostexture]

As I write this, we are 13 hours away from the end of our first funding campaign. I say first because this will most certainly not be the last.

To say that the last two months have been draining would be the understatement of the year. I had no idea what running a funding campaign for a microscopic visual novel would be like, but it still somehow managed to defy my expectations.

So, let's wrap. I want to talk (vent) about the campaign — what are some good things we did, what are some things I'd like to avoid doing in the future? If I can help another small indie developer out with this, then that's the cherry on top.

PART I: THE GOOD THINGS

I want to start by focusing on what we did right. To start, at the time of writing, we raised a total (before IGG's split) of $390. I am so very grateful for every cent, especially when I consider it's $390 less that I have to pull out of my paychecks to make this thing happen.

I think making the campaign flex funding was one of the best decisions I could've made here. In no reality were we going to actually raise $10,000 in our first campaign. So, while we don't have enough to actually make the full game right now, we have enough to get the ball rolling and make *something,* which is a lot better than nothing.

I also must thank the few creators who took the time to make content based on the demo. It was very fun to see other people play. I do wish there were more, but I'll take what I can get right now.

PART II: THE BAD THINGS

I have to admit, because this series is so important to me, I have always had a problem accepting that very few others care about it. So, because I can honestly say we have a fantastic product with brilliant art and a compelling storyline, it hurt knowing that very few others seemed to agree.

In all reality, I know it's less that they disagree and more that they have no idea we exist. This is valid. Where I struggle is knowing how to efficiently let them know we exist without spending my weight in gold in ad revenue, which isn't even guaranteed to work.

All this to say ... we had a total of 17 downloads of the free demo. I would scream to the heavens that we had a free demo, and yet I still had people telling me they had no idea we had a demo. I don't want to think the worst of people but at some point I have to ask if it's my communication skills or their lack of attention span.

I also think we had no business trying to raise $10,000 on our first campaign. I mean, sure — there are some creators who can pull that off, but I have never been one of them. It doesn't make sense that would change now. I should've made the goal closer to $500 or $1000, because then it'd at least look like it was closer to success.

ALSO — the spam. THE SPAM. I never imagined how thick the spam would be; how many people I would have to block on FB to the point where I now second guess myself any time the Chaos Texture page gets a direct message. It could be someone genuinely wondering how we're doing. It's more than likely, however, a spammer.

In any case, if you were to ask me if I would do this again I would laugh and tell you 'no.' It's not worth the mental anguish, the stress and the constant, unending self doubt. I almost burned bridges that I didn't mean to burn during these two months, and it was all because I got in my own head and let doubt persevere. No. I may open up a Patreon for the studio, but ... the next time I'll even consider doing a crowdfunding campaign via KickStarter or IndieGoGo is when we have an established fanbase, and even then I'll be cautious.

In any case, stay tuned for future development updates as they're made.

Sincerely,

James David Herd Creative Director || Chaos Texture

[possibility-left]

13 questions about books

13 books

It's a book meme! I'm tagging anyone else who wants to talk about books!

1) The Last book I read:

The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. It was a cute little story about a magical CPS caseworker and his encounter with a little group of child cryptids.

2) A book I recommend:

Obviously this really depends on my audience but I have recced The Murderbot Diaries series by Martha Wells to a bunch of different folks, from an adventurous 80-year-old wanting to try sci-fi to my spouse, and everyone who I've recced them to really enjoyed them.

3) A book that I couldn’t put down:

The Goblin Emperor by Katherine Addison. I've had that book on my TBR for ages and finally read it this April and I just couldn't stop turning pages.

4) A book I’ve read twice (or more):

Oh geez, I have a bunch of these. I've read the Murderbot series at least 3 times. I've read Good Omens at least 4 times. I've read most of Discworld multiple times.

5) A book on my TBR:

I have a huge TBR but the one I keep looking at is Rainbow Rowell's new book Slow Dance. My wife said it was great.

6) A book I’ve put down:

I do this a lot, sometimes with the intention of coming back when I'm in a better mood, but sometimes not. The most recent one was Tooth and Claw by Jo Walton; I found the casual dragon cannibalism offputting.

7) A book on my wish list:

This feels kind of like the same question as the TBR? I mostly get books from the library when I can but they obviously don't always have them. I read a few of Margaret Killjoy's books recently so I put the rest of them on my wishlist to buy when I get through more of my TBR.

8) A favorite book from childhood:

You could add these to my list of books I've read multiple times: the Chrestomanci Chronicles by Diana Wynne Jones. They're kind of my comfort books even now; I reread them last year during a really stressful part of my life.

9) A book you would give to a friend:

More recs? Hmm. I've been trying to get my BIL to branch out from Dune and LOTR and the like so for Christmas I bought him the 3 main Ancillary Justice novels by Ann Leckie.

10) A book of poetry or lyrics that you own:

Oh I have a bunch of the traditional favorites: Mary Oliver, Pablo Neruda, Emily Dickinson, e.e. cummings, etc.

11) A nonfiction book you own:

I have a copy of Tiny but Mighty by Hannah Shaw, aka the Kitten Lady, in case we ever have the opportunity to take in tiny kittens again.

12) What are you currently reading:

Witches Abroad by Terry Pratchett - I'm doing a Discworld reread. This one isn't one of my favorites but I haven't read it in ages so maybe I'll like it more this time around. And I'm also reading At Your Service by Amy Spalding, which is a f/f romance novel. The main character works in Hollywood as an assistant and her love interest is either going to be her boss or the hot local bartender -- honestly I can't tell yet.

13) What are you planning on reading next?

I already know three books I'm reading in September for book club: The Coworker by Freida McFadden (a thriller I probably won't enjoy), Parable of the Sower by Octavia Butler (guaranteed to be depressing), and How Far the Light Reaches by Sabrina Imbler (the folks at book club last week really talked this up so I hope I like it as much as they did).

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

no tws, looking for reassurance + advice

I have NPD and I recently fucked up in a friendship partially because of that. Because of a combination of that and my extreme avoidance issues and me being bad at communicating I ended up causing a situation that hurt both me and the other person involved. I never meant to make them feel the way I did and I've apologized and taken accountability for it, and we're working through it, but I just. Don't know what to do about it on a personal level. I feel really bad about it in not exactly a guilt way but some kind of Bad and it's upsetting me. Even though I didn't communicate like I should have in the first place and that's what caused the situation, I did everything right afterwards to try to fix it/make it better. I feel like a bad person for fucking up even by accident though. And I don't know exactly what I'm feeling or why I'm still feeling it. The person isn't mad at me, though there are still some hurt feelings and problems to work through. Overall it turned out about as well as it could have, but I still feel panicky and gross. I know I should just feel my feelings instead of trying to get rid of them, but I don't like this and I want to stop feeling it and I want to stop thinking about the conflict as much as possible because it freaks me out. Anyways. Yeah. I'm not sure what to do about any of it and I just want to run away from the whole thing again, but that's part of what caused the problem in the first place

Hi anon,

It sounds like you might be dealing with impostor syndrome or something adjacent, where perhaps you feel like you're a bad person despite your attempts to rectify the situation. I'm curious if you think the stigma around having NPD fuels this feeling.

This is a great page about Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy's concept of Irrational Ideas. It's essentially a list of harmful thoughts followed by a bullet list of affirmations that help dispel that thought. I'd like you to read the bullet points under Irrational Idea No. 3. I'll share a few of them here (keep in mind a lot of these were written out in the 60s so it may not use the more inclusive language we have today):

Human beings are not perfect. They don’t have total control over all their actions. In the real world, we all make mistakes from time to time and treat others badly because (1) we don’t know any better; (2) we can’t do any better; or (3) we’re too disturbed. That’s just the way we are. Believing that others must do the right thing ignores the real world. Blaming and punishing someone for a mistake he makes because he doesn’t know any better will not make him smarter.

Blaming and punishing someone for a mistake he makes because he can’t do any better won’t help him to do it better next time. And blaming and punishing someone for a mistake he makes because he is disturbed won’t make him any less disturbed.

We all do lots of things everyday. Some of the things we do are “bad,” some are “good,” and some are neither “good” nor “bad.” The “bad” things we do don’t make us “bad people;” and the “good” things we do don’t make us “good people.”

From time to time it will be you who acts badly, selfishly or unfairly. Just like everyone else, there will be times when you make mistakes because you don’t know any better, can’t do any better or are disturbed. When it happens, you can tell yourself, “Oh well, that’s life! I guess I’m as human as everyone else. I’ll try not to do it again, but there are no guarantees.”

If you can access or afford it, I think a therapist could be a great option for a longer-term kind of help for navigating these issues and gaining a closer insight into your own behaviors or how your NPD influences them. They can also help you process your feelings of guilt around what happened recently with your friend.

If anyone has any comments or suggestions, feel free to add on. Otherwise, I hope I could help, and please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun