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itspikamefan · 3 days ago
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Save the Tiger (Grateful for what we have)
(I am HEARTWRENCHED by today's episodes. They have absolutely broken me. Not sure if I'll get this out by the end of today but regardless let's take our eyes off Harada and Hama for a minute and focus a little more on Chiba and... Ya know)
Breakfast and Lunch both came and went without much trouble for Chiba. The day was oddly quiet... Especially when Adrenaline was being pumped in through the ventilation.
Hayashi decided to permanently keep watch on Yanagi, with Watari and Tamba tagging in whenever she needed to grab food or water for him. Wada still hasn't woken up due to the motive, though Tsuno still tries her best to take care of him and Kamimura... Ojima, Harada, Hama, Okazaki, and Hasegawa are all off each doing... Something by themselves. Chiba didn't know. That only left...
Nakamigawa...
Chiba began to worry about Hiroaki's disappearance, especially with most of everyone having failed to noticed him gone. Eventually, however, as she went to the Nurse's office for some disinfetant, she noticed a strange small light behind the door.
Quietly peeking in, Airi saw Nakamigawa sitting cross-legged on the floor, candles surrounding his body as he seemed to be in quiet thought. On the bed in front of him, a small notebook laid open, on the left... Handwriting that looked vaguely familiar to Chiba. And on the right... .... ... Oh...
"Sasaki-chan..." Airi mumbles.
"GAH!" Hiroaki jumps, nearly knocking over the candles. "Jeez, Chiba. You ever learned to knock?!"
"I'm sorry... I just wanted to come get some disinfectant... And then I saw you..."
"Yeah, well, it's on the left cabinet. I can grab some down if your stupid stub legs can't reach it."
"...Are you holding a funeral?"
"I... What?" Hiroaki stops, his expression softening.
"For Sasaki-chan... When she died... No one gave her any remembrance... But that's what you're doing right now... Right?"
"I... How did you?"
"You drew her face in the Notebook... It looks nice..."
"...Well, thank Takeshi. He's been teaching me how to draw them. I was shit at faces before but… He’s got a certain way to see the world.”
"...Can I join you? I promise I'll be quiet. I just... wanted to get a chance to say Goodbye..."
"...Yeah. Sure." Hiroaki sighs.
Chiba quietly walks over to Hiroaki, sitting outside the ring of Candles as she stares up at Sasaki's memorial. She quietly lowered her head and closed her eyes, taking a moment to really take it all in...
Hitomi-chan... She was a bit strict at times... But Chiba never suspected what we she was feeling. All the stress she put on herself... All the exhaustion that continued to overwhelm her... Day after day... The tears she spelt when begging for her life. Not that of a Girl Scared of Punishment, but of a Remorseful Woman who wanted to make things right... Even though she knew she couldn't.
And yet... Behind all that, Chiba always felt something deeper. Like Sasaki had a side of her everyone never got to see, due to the Killing Game... The Motive... And the short time we were forced to endure together... She wondered... Was Sasaki-chan really all that bad?
"...You wanna say a few words?" Hiroaki asks.
"Hmm?" Chiba looks up, her thoughts still at the edge of her mind.
"Talk to her... Say anything you didn't get to say."
"...Sure."
Chiba stands up and quietly walks over to the Memoriam. She looks into the eyes of Sasaki's picture... Her sharp eyes staring back into Chiba's soul.
"Hitomi... I know we never got to talk much... For obvious reasons. I... never quite got the chance to figure out what kind of person you were. But... You seemed Smart... And well-intentioned at least. I know you didn't want to kill anyone... You were just scared. I'm not saying you were right for doing it... But I can understand why... So.... I forgive you."
Hiroaki's eyebrows raise at that final statement, intrigued by Chiba's statement.
"Obviously I don't think you killing Isono was the right thing, I don't forgive you for that. You took Isono's life from her... But, at the trial, when you tried to mislead us... Even if you didn't know whether or not we would all be killed on your escape... I... I understand. You were scared... You had committed something horrible, and your clock was ticking... So... I forgive you. For trying to mislead us. I know most people would try to do the same... And you weren't trying to kill all of us... You just didn't want to die... And... I'm sorry... I'm sorry you had to suffer through all this alone."
"...Damn. That was well put together." Hiroaki mumbles.
"...Thank you." Chiba whispers, sitting back down.
There are a few more moments of tranquil silence, the room illuminated by the quiet light of the Candles as Sasaki's picture watched over the two Ultimates. Both of whom were attacked... And both who would live to see another day... For Isono's... And for her sake.
"...Thanks for coming to do this. I usually do this shit alone, but having someone else... I dunno... Makes me feel like I'm not alone in this..."
"You're welcome." Chiba nods.
Hiroaki sighs. "Well... How you holding up?"
"Huh?"
"Your arm, you said you came to get disinfectant. I assume that means it's still injured pretty bad. You holding up alright?"
"Oh... Yeah. I'm fine. It stings a little, but not as much as last night."
"We really need to sort out that vent thing. If you cut yourself on that metal again, we're gonna have a real issue."
"I'll be more careful next time. I promise." Chiba insists.
"How did you even fail to see the metal? It wasn't THAT Dark in the vents, was it?"
Chiba suddenly tensed up. She hadn't been expecting people to ask further questions. Most times, whenever she lied, people took it at face value. She was an actor, after all. People were easily convinced.... Shit.
"I-I was distracted. I heard noises and was curious. I wasn't focused."
Hiroaki narrows his eyes, suspicious. "From where?"
"T-the Library? I think?"
"So you heard noises coming up from the Library, and though you could investigate it from the floor on the vent below?"
"U-uh... Yeah?"
"...You lying bitch." Hiroaki mutters, his eyes widening. "You made that whole story up!"
"W-what?! No I didn't!"
"You're stuttering! People aren't usually telling the truth when they stutter!"
"M-maybe I'm just nervous cause you're pressuring me!!!"
"Bullshit! What the hell happened in there?!"
"I already told you!"
"Liar!" Hiroaki growls, standing up. "You're willing to vent to me about all the little feelings towards the woman that tried to kill us, but you aren't willing to tell the people that care about you about stuff that might actually be important?!"
"It's not like that!"
"Then what the hell is it, Airi?!"
"I can't tell you!"
"Why not?!"
"Cause you'll hurt her!!!"
"And?! If they're willing to try and attack you while you're doing your damndest to escape, they deserve to be hurt!!!"
"No!"
Hiroaki's fed up. He grabs Chiba by the arm and pulls up her sleeve, unwrapping the bandages, much to Chiba's dismay.
"Three Scratch Marks... Aimed directly on the under side of the Forearm. If your arm were facing like that, you'd be protecting something... You'd be protecting..." HIroaki trails off as his eyes widen.
"H-hiroaki?!"
"...I'm gonna kill that fucking Tiger."
"NO!" Chiba struggles, and kicks Hiroaki in the jewels. Hiroaki howls and drops the Star, letting her run and block the door.
"I won't let you hurt her!" Chiba calls out.
"Out of my fucking way brat!" Hiroaki snaps.
"No! She didn't do anything wrong! It's just the Motive!"
"Who the hell cares?! It was a shit idea for fucking Let's Go Diego to bring that fucking animal into a fucking school in the first place! But now that cat's trying to fucking kill you?! No fucking way!"
"Leave her alone!" Chiba cries.
"If you don't let me end that fucking cat in te next two second, I'll make sure you'll never climb that stupid rope again!"
"If you kill me, you'll die! And you'll never get out of here!"
"I never said that. I'll just break your stupid fucking legs, so your stupid brat ass can NEVER-"
"NAKAMIGAWA!!!"
The argument is suddenly silenced by a loud shout. Hiroaki and Chiba turn to the door. Ojima is standing just outside, his face filled with rage. Chiba allows him to enter reluctantly as the Illustrator storms in.
"What the hell did you just say?!?!" Ojima snaps.
"I-I wasn't-"
"Why the hell were you threatening to hurt Chiba?!"
"I- The Tiger... Chiba she fucking... This brat doesn't know what's good for her!"
"I do! Stop treating me like a stupid kid!" Chiba snaps.
"If you're trying to protect her, then why did you threaten to break her legs?!"
"Because she's trying to get herself killed!!!"
"That's your solution?! Not to talk it out, or try and explain what's right?!"
"I tried to explain! But this stupid brat refuses to listen!!!"
Chiba huffs and turns away from Hiroaki, angry tears streaming from her face.
Takeshi sighs. "Nakamigawa... Go to your room. Don't do any rash shit. I'll talk to Chiba and get to the bottom of things. Then, we can talk about what to do next. Instead of you trying to take action on your own."
"I- ...Fuck." Hiroaki growls as he storms off, his face raging as he stomps off to his dorm.
Ojima turns around and leans down to Chiba. "Hey... I'm sorry about that. I know it sounded like it... But he didn't mean any of it. Adrenaline's a bitch, right?" Ojima jokes.
Chiba refuses to turn around, her rage still at the forefront of her mind.
Ojima sighs. "Look... You mind telling me what happened? I promise I won't do what Hiroaki did. I'll hear you out... And I won't do anything as rash. I promise."
"...She didn't mean it." Chiba mumbles.
"Hmm? 'She'?"
Chiba turns around, tears still streaming down, though those now tears of sadness. "Sawa... She just got too excited... And Harada. He tried to stop her. She didn't want to hurt me... And I didn't want to hurt her either. It was an accident."
"... Is that why your arm is cut?"
Chiba nods, wiping her eyes. "I didn't want to hide it. I just didn't want Sawa to get hurt because of me."
"That's very noble... But also dangerous. If you don't tell us the truth, and Sawa gets riled up again, we won't know what she'll be capable of. We don't have to hurt Sawa... But we need you to tell us the truth... Ok?" Chiba hesitates, before letting out a solemn. "Mmhmm..."
"Good... I'm glad you're ok Chiba." Ojima mutters, wrapping Chiba in a hug.
The actor hugs him back, taking a moment to compose herself. The room is silent, the candles from Sasaki's funeral still flickering as the two calm themselves in solemn silence.
Finally, Takeshi breaks the hug off. "Now, I'm gonna go talk to Ojima for a bit. Then, I want to meet you in the library."
"How come?" Chiba asks.
"I want to show you your story." Ojima smiles.
"You finished?!" Chiba says, her mood perking up as she smiles at Ojima.
"Yup! Though, if you want, we could try adding even more to the story, or even start a new one!"
"Yes, yes! Another story!" Chiba smiles.
"Right! Well, I'll be waiting for you there!"
"Yeah! I got so many ideas! I can't wait to share them with you!"
"I look forward to it!" Ojima gives Chiba a final wave as he exits the room, presumably to calm Hiroaki down.
As Chiba is left in the dark office once again, she turns back to the funeral set up for Sasaki... She quietly blows out the candles and gently sets the candles on the desk, making sure each flame is extinguished. Then, she grabs the Notebook and gently closes it, before setting it next to the candles. She writes a small note, asking whoever finds it to return the notebook and other items to Sasaki's room.
Finally, Chiba approaches the door, and turns around, looking at the empty hall.... She gives a small wave to the room, before closing the door behind her, allowing her to, if only temporarily, give closure to this chapter of her life...
(TO BE CONTINUED)
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marcuspierce · 3 months ago
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okay, so while i was working on the formatting of my really really long answer, i tried to save it as a draft but the ask just... disappeared??? it's not in my inbox, not in drafts, not even in my queue! it's just gone???? so i am very sorry for not answering your ask directly, anon, but i did take a screenshot before that for ease of referencing + saved my answer in a word document so at least i can still answer your question, even if it's in a roundabout way!
here's the answer, exactly as i had intended to answer it before tumblr decided to be a bitch:
oh this is such a lovely question so thank you, thank you, thank you for asking!!! i just love anything that involves intimancy/vulnerability and commitment when it comes to these two and this combines those concepts so well!
before i put a read more (both for length and to hide some bitterness that slipped through), i will give a tl;dr and say that i have thought about it and my answer is yes! they would/could definitely end up considering having children, and they would/could even have some!
this is actually a concept i have previously explored some years ago in two fics and a post about adorable onesies, and, more recently, in two parts of my series of social media edits! at first i only wrote them with one child, but in my posts from this year they have two!
read more time now!
now, before i begin actually talking about the specific matter at hand i just wanna say... when you say that you wish rory's inclusion had been better executed do you mean that there should've been (more of) a built up around lucifer, who, even as far as season 4, said that he detests children and wants nothing to do with them, actually being downright enthusiastic about being a father? or at least that there would be some sort of a more specific exploration wrt his feelings about random children vs a child he has contact with (such as trixie or charlie, who are clearly dearly liked by lucifer) and how that would relate to a child of his own and how his life circumstances (being in hell - perhaps/hopefully there aren't many children down there => discomfort due to lack of contact, but as he lives longer on earth that diminishes, OR just in general his insane self-esteem issues/self-hatred that are deeply tied to his time in hell and the things he had to do there, which would push him away from fatherhood simply out of kindness towards his imaginary future child - or his own childhood - it is so so clear that at least on a subconscious level he is aware of cycles of abuse, due to his deep hurt and displeasure when he heard from adult!rory that he sucked as a dad, plus he sees a great deal of himself in his father, which would just contribute to his self-hatred and would result in a refusal of fatherhood in order to not "inevitably" repeat the abuse he endured at the hands of his father... or, if actually faced with the done deal, it would result in... well, whatever breakdown amenadiel had about charlie, but probably more extreme)? or perhaps it is about him being forced to be an absent father and therefore not break the cycle of harming your child that his own father started and that lucifer was shown to desperately want to break? or just a combination of all of these things?
ok, phewwwwww, i am done with the rant, but thank you for giving me the opportunity to rant about one of the two only negative hills about this show that i am willing to die on! cause well, i actually stopped watching the show some good seasons back because i realized that the writers and i had completely different ideas about how to approach things. and while most things i can just chalk up to that, well, everything i heard about rory and lucifer has left such a horrible taste in my mouth and nothing has been able to make me less pissed off about it!
on this note, my knowledge about seasons 4-6 is pretty spotty and therefore i generally only make use of concepts/plot ideas in my analysis wrt long term piercifer. so yknow, some characters, mainly marcus' parents, are most likely nothing like their canon counterparts!
ok, so now to get to the actual topic at hand, i think that the subject would definitely come up and it would be a huge issue, i think even on par with them needing to figure out how they work together and how to make their relationship fulfilling for both of them. which makes perfect sense, because this is a life altering decision, that affects both the individuals, but also the couple, AND, most importantly, the child. and the child truly is a faultless party in this whole thing, but also the party that would be hurt the most. it is not an easy situation and it requires a lot out of them. so both of them acknowledging and treating it like a big deal already is a step in the right direction.
for lucifer, i already outlined some ideas in the rant above:
firstly we have him just not being used to interact with children so he associates that uncomfortable feeling of inadequacy with a displeasure for children (tbh i feel like he is not used to interact with people, in general, outside of very specific contexts but that's a bit less related to my point) so point against fatherhood no1!
but, this is the easiest to solve, as it just takes time. after all, the more you do something, the better at it you become! but, because it is something that changes slowly over the course of years, that means that lucifer would be quite oblivious to it. everyone around him would notice, it would be hard not to. he stops being bothered by children just... existing where he also happens to exist. he starts getting along quite well with trixie and even starts asking her parents about her and buying her presents for her bday. when it comes to charlie, lucifer's thrilled to find out that he's going to be an uncle and he's quite emotional when amenadiel offers him to hold charlie, and he obliges very happily and afterwards he talks marcus' ear off about the moment. he is also very happy when it becomes clear that charlie likes him.
and everyone notices these things, except for lucifer. so when asked he still insists that he hates children and that he just cannot stand the little "parasites", but after a while people stop taking him seriously when he says things like that.
but not hating kids does not a father make, and lucifer's other hangups are far more complicated and deep-rooted, namely his own chilhood and the resulting trauma/issues. but for these things it is mostly a matter of realizing that you need help and then asking for it, which lucifer is trying to do. and i definitely think that finding the kind of therapy that is most useful to him would help him tremendously and that + a support system (which he has in his friends and marcus) would help him get to a point where most of the day to day stuff becomes manageable and then he can focus on more deep-rooted things, things that he may not even realize are influenced by his trauma or that he doesn't think affect him, such as how his trauma influences his views on certain issues and one of those issues would definitely be parenthood. and the conclusion would be that his self-hatred, both from him having to go against his morals and do horrible things to survive in hell, but also from seeing himself in his own (shitty) father and therefore expecting to turn out the same, has absolutely influenced how he feels about the topic.
for marcus, on the other hand, i feel like there would be a journey. like, i always saw his parents being young and inexperienced at just... life, in general, when they have him and they don't really have who to go to for help (well... i suppose grovelling for g*d's forgiveness - just so they could ask the guy some questions - was an option, but not doing that was the better option ny far), so they don't really know what raising a child means and because of that they end up being quite neglectful. as such, marcus had to learn how to fend for himself and attempt to fulfill on his own as many of his needs as possible really fast, especially once there was someone smaller and needier than him around, so he became very capable, responsible organized, as Knowledgeable as one could be in that situation, but also both cautious and quite curious and willing to try stuff out at the same time, and also someone who could fake maturity really well and who was really good at taking care of others, which extended into being good at reading and interacting with people. all of these things come from him, at least subconsciously, realizing that, despite being a toddler who's faking it, he's the one person in that house who has any idea what they're doing and that that position is one that desperately needs to be filled.
all of this results in him emotionally distancing himself from others and retreating into himself, starting to built the wall/armour that he would later on use as a jaded, heartbroken adult. and a consequence of that retreating into himself and of prioritising this role he has bestowed upon himself is that he doesn't really explore who he is and what he likes and wants until adulthood. as such, parenthood is, at first, something that he does to be fulfill a role that was assigned by society and by fulfilling that role he blends in with everyone else and the ways he is not like everyone else stay a secret, but also it's about doing something familiar, something that he knows how to do. but he likes. loves it, in fact. he adores that child, and is, therefore, a complete wreck when that child dies after having a life, growing and changing and getting older while he just stays frozen in time, looking the exact same way as he did when said child was born decades earlier.
but, the first tragedy would come before that, when he would realise that everyone around him is visibly growing older while he stays suspiciously young, and people will notice soon and no one can notice. and as he packs up he is forced to endure abandoning the child he loves so so much and miss out on the little time (by his standards) that he had left with them. and he couldn't even tell them. doing so would defeat the purpose of leaving.
still, he tried again and again and again, just like he had with friends, lovers and just about any connection one could make. and no matter how much he tried, it always ended the same way, until he decided to stop trying and he allowed his armour of apathy and his wall of isolation to fully encircle him and solidify cause then he wouldn't get hurt. we know how well that worked out and what it did to him... until he met lucifer, that is!
finally someone he can be fully honest with, someone who can see him exactly as he is and oh, he won't leave him either!
so really his issue, as with all things relationships and connection, is mortality, as it is a luxury he doesn't have, but one that any children he has will have. so it ended up being something that he considered to be off the table for him, and he didn't think to revisit those wounds and that issue in therapy even after lucifer came into his life and nestled himself a place in it because, well, for decades on end lucifer's stance on it was clear. and marcus was fine with it as that wasn't a wound he was keen on reopening and picking at.
but then those decades passed and lucifer reached a point where he had worked out through enough of his issues that parenthood did feel on the table for him. and trying to bring it up did not go very well, at first, because they just weren't quite in the same place... yet! but that alright, cause they had all the time in the world, and when they did end up in the same place all was well and all was easy cause they were, in fact, on the same page.
with one small potential caveat: marcus was all for it, he had loved being a father and he had always wished he could do it right, but he couldn't bear that pain, the pain of watching his child grow old and die while he stayed the same, ever again, nor could he bear the thought of lucifer ever feeling that pain either. that could be an issue... or not. i don't see how any child that is not completely human wouldn't be immortal lmao
and if that really is the narrative the show decided to go with well... loser behaviour! boo tomato tomato! good thing i don't care and, even if i did, there sure are ways around it!
but yeah, the child being related to lucifer and therefore immortal is exactly lucifer's argument and that realisation sways marcus pretty quick!
and i think in a scenario like this, where they both give themselves and the other the time to heal and to figure out how they work as a couple before bringing another family member into the mix, they would be wonderful parents! sweet, caring, attentive, affectionate, intentional, just all the good things. and it would be easy... because they have learned what not to do (well, that's not a guarantee, but all of that work towards healing sure brings it close to a guarantee).
i think that's it! going further than that would be off topic... and just excessive given the insane walls of text i already wrote lmao
so, again, thank you so much for the question and i hope this was a satisfying... and coherent answer!
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lostinfantasies38 · 4 years ago
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Fic Writer Meme
Name
Fandoms
Most popular oneshot
Most popular multichapter
Actual worst part of writing
How you choose your titles
Do you outline
Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice?
Callouts @ Me
Best writing traits
Spicy Tangential Opinion
Name: Jordie is what everyone calls me and my username on Tumblr and AO3 is Lostinfantasies38, so I’m easy to track down
Fandoms: Over the years there have been many fandoms I’ve held dear, but my recent work is in Dragon Age and Dear Evan Hansen. I have temporarily left DA for some fresh air in DEH and have been doing very well there. 
Most Popular Oneshot: I actually have a tie for this one and surprisingly, they are from separate fandoms. 
Permanent Ink from DA: Origins, featuring Alistair and my male Warden OC Zane Cousland is quite spicy and tender. If you like pining bi-Alistair and schmexy love interests, this one is for you. 
For You I Could Be was my very first DEH fic and it’s taken the fandom by storm, which still shocks the pants off me. It’s a deviation from canon and focuses on Evan and Connor realizing they have feelings for each other. Read the tags though since triggering content is mentioned. 
Most Popular Multichapter: I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing about Sun Touched and Find Me Well Within Your Grace, but they are tied yet again. Sun Touched is my Dwarven Warden novelization of DA: Origins with Sirra Brosca and Alistair. Find Me Well is a head-canon fueled prequel of DA featuring young Cullistair at the abbey.  
I won’t bore you all with the details, but I am very proud of both fics. I hope to come back and finish them once I’m the right head-space to devote the time to them that they deserve. 
Actual Worst Part of Writing: The plot and staying on target. I tend to get side tracked by character development at times and that can derail an entire story if I’m not careful. I’m also incredibly careful to not lose a character’s voice while trying to flesh out a whole new side of them in my work. It’s a delicate balance. I want to do them justice, so while playing with them in AUs is fun, I still want them to sound like “them” and not caricatures. 
How You Choose Your Titles: Through blood, sweat, and typically numerous tears and hair pulling sessions. I like my titles to reflect the story, but not sound too fucking cheesy, and sometimes that feels like an impossible task. I try to avoid using song lyrics personally, but I have done it once or twice in a pinch, I won’t lie.
Do you outline: FUCK NO. I have tried and I can’t stick to them. I’m also the type that once I write it out, even in an outline, I lose interest in that particular piece. I need the scenes to be fresh and literally banging on the door of my brain so they flow properly. Everything is fixed/cleaned up in editing, but if the emotion is missing in the initial draft it takes a monumental effort later to keep it from ringing hollow. Sometimes the drafts can’t be saved, period, after outlining and I’ve scraped entire stories/chapters because of it.
Ideas I probably won’t get around to, but wouldn’t it be nice: I have an entire folder of shelved DA stories in the wings that I’m not sure will ever see the light of day now. I’m hesitant to say “never,” but truthfully the more time passes the more likely that word becomes. 
They include: (1) a modern carta/cop AU ft. Sirra/Alistair, (2) part 2 and 3 planned continuations of Find Me Well following Alistair and Cullen through DAI, (3) Varric/Charise Trevelyan DAI story full of intrigue and the House of Repose, (4) world weary veteran Grey Warden Alistair/Rylie Trevelyan DAI, chock full of dashing heroics and a swooning damsel in distress, (5) Cullen/Eryka Cadash DAI with lots of tension/angst due to the Carta & Commander angle causing friction [interpret that how you will, lol!] (6) a modern color soulmate AU with a unique twist ft. Cullen/Alistair (7) a Siren!AU ft. Sirra/Alistair and a cutthroat island of traitorous bitches (8) and finishing my incomplete DA stories. As a bonus, (9) there is a football AU for DEH that I started during NaNo, but it may end up in the scrap pile, too. I’m still picking at it, but meh, we’ll see.
Callouts at Me: Guilt. 
Honestly, I know we do this for free and we have no obligation to write/complete these stories, but we all do it because we love it. Yet with each incomplete story, coupled with my rather abrupt departure from the DA fandom, my guilt has grown exponentially. 
However, I can’t allow it to hold me back and continue to eat away at my soul. It keeps me from being productive and having a hope and a prayer of finishing what I started. If this means that I play in a new fandom for a while, then so be it. I wish I had more familiar faces to follow me there, but I understand it’s not for everyone and I would never make demands. Though, that doesn’t mean I don’t miss my usual readers and the comments I looked forward to, but I have relocated and I have to accept that. Just know that I still love you all and miss the fuck out of you. 
Best Writing Traits: Emotionally evocative prose and creating realistically flawed characters are what I’m best at. My characters are not perfect, because who the fuck can relate to perfection? Who would want to? They are flawed, broken, dealing with a shit ton of trauma as best as they can, and generally bumbling through life. Yes, they may have a LI, but they are not “cured” by love. They are supported by an equally flawed person as they continue to stumble through life, though with fewer face plants than before because they have someone to (hopefully) catch them whenever they aren’t overwhelmed with their own crises. And making all the pain and growth as lyrical as possible is my favorite part.
Sometimes I nail dialogue, too, but more often than not that’s simply luck after hours of talking to myself and laughing/crying so hard I had to include it in a fic.
Spicy Tangential Opinion: Every single kudo, like, reblog, or comment is special. I know it’s easy to focus on the “quantity” of them - but each one represents a real person that one of my stories has emotionally resonated with. Every day we write and post we’re affecting real people behind our stats, which means we can treasure every single one. Talking about the numbers and engagement erases that fact, and I wish more people treasured every individual interaction for the meaningful gesture about their work it is. Each one is a little spark of ‘you are loved’ in the world. {Keeping this Manka because you summed it up beautifully! Bravo!}
Throwing this out into the world! Tag list below (authors only this time, sorry my lovely artist friends) but feel no obligation to do so! Also sorry if you already got tagged!
@kittimau @jennserr @jellysharkbat @fandomn00blr @bigfan-fanfic @blarfkey@darlingrutherford @herald-divine-hell @cassandra-pentughasst @c-e-c-r-o-p-i-a @river-of-asgard @giraffesanddietpepsi @pikapeppa @simper-fi
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tripstaysnoided · 4 years ago
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Flow Just Like Water
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Story and writing-related transparency update and my many shames...
The Question on Everyone’s Mind
“Hey you haven’t updated No Stars over Uptown in almost a year...”
Hmm, I hate it when you’re right. (This section has been rewritten ad-nauseam to curb back the bitchiness by the way)
So back in early/mid 2018, the idea was to divorce Uptown from a person who influenced it (and myself) heavily. She was my most important audience member, the closest friend I ever had, and unfortunately someone who used her power to bully, ostracize, and hurt others with my help. I cut contact when the hurt + some self-awareness finally reached me. Apologies were made and I feel like my work will never be done with it, but there was still Uptown.
Between censored comments, entirely recasting Axel’s save, different plot threads, and a load of disclaimers, there was nothing that would scrub her influence from the story. There was no way to cleanly drop everything because of how deep her influence went. It disgusted me to look back at it, and I had to private the blog because I feared what it endorsed, even if just in the past.
I pulled back from that sims writing community. I had its main thread on the Official Forums removed too (I guess if that was a mystery to anyone). It was a surrender that I never wanted to do, but I had it in my mind that if I was gone, then she wouldn’t be there either. Uptown became this cursed item, and as I quietly retired it, I noticed that she went quieter too. Not gone, but enough to make me sleep easier at night and even occasionally say hello to old friends.
And I hope deep in my heart that no one else is getting hurt in my place, but now this is gonna haunt me all day huh!
The two paths forward...
1) Complete Uptown rewrite that I’ve been threatening everyone with all year. While it won’t ever be clean because I can’t undo time, I do have a sound outline for a story that is much more true to my actual vision and how I’ve evolved, with a few necessary boundaries in place that are going to be there for all stories moving forward: no more casting calls and no more collaborative efforts. I am not going to open myself up to this happening again, even if the people have changed.
2) Same as above, but I continue the original Uptown as a favor to loyal readers alongside the rewrite. I would try to put the effort into it that I initially did, but with no promises on an update schedule and no advertising. I did ask myself “is there Patreon but without pledging money, just the private posts function” but it could operate as part of a private forum, a members-only part of a website, etc.
Also readers of the original would be beholden to a rule of “don’t spoil the rewrite for new readers, c’mon guys”. I mean, not really, but it is a good courtesy to extend to people.
Priority on this isn’t high but you at least will see what is!
I will probably make the blog public again either way due to the many broken links on my Tumblr but we’ll see. There are other things to deal with as I shall list!
Where Life’s Been Regardless
Been spending more time with my grandpa every weekend. Life’s pretty good and he’s warming up to my dogs.
Shiny New Webbed Site
Cucumber Fields Forever is a site I own now. We have a full domain, cucumberfieldsforever.com, a blog with one post, and the framework needed to host stories the way I want to and still through WordPress. The functionality of likes, comments, and following should still be the same but you know...I’ll take feedback too...
The main blog still has an undefined purpose though I do have drafts sitting around about:
The maybe/maybe not hoax band that was on the Metal Archives and the history of Funeral Doom Metal.
The curious case of when Sims 4 babies get their genetics and my only collaboration (read: was talking about it with a friend and might quote her if needed, it’s actually a bit of a doozy)
Amazon.com’s fake dried udon noodles, an actual issue by the way.
Things I’m reading! (This’d be a monthly feature if so)
For the sake of unity, I am thinking of solutions for hosting old and shameful content there including Uptown and for the real fans in my followers feed, Eight Cicadas...a world I totally have plans for too (not really). I don’t want them to be front-and-center, and that’s why I mentioned forums/members-only content. I finally have that power! Maybe.
Ooooh but what are the costs? Not too much to handle, that’s what. 😉 (Like really, I don’t need any hand-wringing about this, I can manage my finances)
Project Queue (In Order of Confirmedness)
Outrun the Scythe: have you seen me post out-of-context Sims 3 pictures? Did you want more? Did you hope it was Linda in Custody? If the answers are yes, yes, and “meh, whatever you want”, then you’re in luck.
Outrun the Scythe is a Sims 3-based tale of a young gay man and his zombie grandma, as they are both offered separate roles of being the undying intermediaries between the world of humans and the influence of a race of space daemons. It’s pretty familiar if you’ve been following me pre-Uptown, taking some cues from stories I’ve kept under lock and key like Eight Cicadas, The Chains of Lyra, and the not-so-locked-up Ironstar Immortals (of which Outrun is just the direct sequel to sans any retconning...ah the smell of early 2013 and performative heterosexuality)
Ah, back to my roots.
It’s a hybrid of gameplay, story, and lore about my little race of daemons with a lot of my own idiosyncrasies that I’m not really ashamed of: basing it off a super-polarizing Sims 3 challenge from a site I moderate, using a lot of EA’s pre-made townies and their genes, lots of unnecessary posemaking, stupid references. It’s a comfort to have in my roster.
While the first few chapters are in the middle of revision, I have around six in the queue and will be making this public when I have ten. I’m guessing December then?
Undocumented Black Widow Challenge: I just did this for fun/forum kudos (yes, in fact I have joined many forums), there was going to be a short story but it was quickly becoming something against my code of ethics. I mean, sims die and all. (read: I had to choose between “heterosexual widow” and “widow with some same-sex marriages that still end in tragedy, reinforcing negative stereotypes to the public for the sake of me not getting bored and detached during gameplay” so there were no good choices. Except for her affair with the mailwoman, 10/10) I hope to finish this before October ends and get my medal on Boolprop, I’m pretty far through it all. I might upload the sims involved anyways. This is for TS4.
I mentioned it because it’s keeping me busy. But not for long!
NaNoWriMo 2020: Dipping my toes into that again! It’s not sims-related, just a tale of lesbians, nosy neighbors, a haunted beach house, and some light murder and kidnapping. And I actually got my brother to scout out locations for me this weekend. If there’s any demand, I can share chapters as the rough drafts are finished, especially for the sake of proofreading.
Not saying I’m publishable, but wouldn’t it be nice? Will keep me occupied for much of November.
Untitled “Dear Diary” Challenge: Tired of feeling left out of the fun on the Boolprop forums, their “Dear Diary” challenge was the one that appealed to me the most on first glance. Why? Probably once I found an idea that let it be set in the early/mid-2000′s to begin with and explore some interesting characters through diary entries (which I have mixed feelings on as a literary device but I think that’s just me saying “well I didn’t like Dracula”, yes you get bonus points for writing it like a diary)
Also writing is the one skill I’m good at across multiple games. Wanna hear me bitch about the cooking skill tree in TS4 or riding in TS3? I’ll spare you.
I guess I could have included “spending time on Boolprop with old and new friends” in where my life has been. It’s a nice lil community if also a place with its own idiosyncrasies as well. So it doesn’t feel like I’m promoting another community if/when I make a thread there for Outrun the Scythe, I want to have a couple chapters of this ready to go by Outrun’s release, though it’s not gonna be the highest priority compared to it nor as long because I think I can blast through the gameplay quickly.
This one will be played in TS4 due to it having the easiest writing skill/I dunno variety is the spice of life. And hopefully another December release.
Defunded or Forgotten?: Oh shit I actually released stuff in 2020 and told no one? I do have a “mortifying ordeal of being known” sinking feeling whenever I get a site hit because it’s not my best work (but good enough) and veered sharply into issues I may be over my head in, though I try to be a good noodle with research and listening. Maybe hiding is bad after all.
Being based off a very flawed and incomplete Sims 3 challenge I found in the annals of the Official Forums, there’s a lot of behind-the-scenes work just making sense of things. And I’m scared of working on reconstructing the house but I haven’t abandoned the project yet. The story has eight chapters so far and is pretty game-based with some additions here and there. Scared of how long it could be though!
Date for this unknown.
Untitled Sunlit Tides Decadynasty: another year-long abandoned TS3 project with a much stupider reason why. Last update was about Hua getting ready for her wedding, and I wanted to do some poses for a bait-and-switch wedding chapter because to put it mildly, her real one was an absolute disaster.
Blender decided to fuck up its interface again, I got discouraged (this probably does account for some of the Uptown delays too), and when I decided to plow forward, it was for other projects instead.
Meanwhile I played all the way to Gen 5′s teenhood and the only thing stopping me is time (it takes almost 30 minutes to load the file right now, though they’ll be looking at moving towns in a couple gens) and maybe fear of the Logic skill.
Date for this also unknown but it’s easy to pump out updates once I’m in the groove for it. My third heir had a difficult life so maybe I’m just trying to bury it.
Also I just noticed the view count there was really good and probably because I linked it here on Tumblr last year. Thank you so much guys. I can’t really fret over views on Carl’s forum these days thanks to the years-long death spiral pretty much every forum anywhere has been riding on. But it’s a nice surprise. And it’s an alright little challenge recap to read during your lunch break or whatever.
The Wawas
I figured I’d end on the real news everyone wants! Both the chihuahuas are a year and a half now and reached their adult size around a year ago. For the most part, they are happy and healthy dogs.
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ladywinchester1967 · 6 years ago
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Pairing: Dean Winchester x Grace Drake
Characters: Dean Winchester, Grace Drake (OFC), Kenneth Drake (Grace’s husband), Lula and Sissy (Grace and Kenneth’s hired help), Sam Winchester*, William (Kenneth’s business partner)*
*= mentioned
Warnings: Cheating, SMUT, drinking, smoking, unprotected sex (don’t be silly, wrap your willy), mentions of alcoholism, mentions of homosexuality, language, mentions of World War II (nothing too graphic).
A/N: This is the start of a BRAND NEW series; so the tag list for this is wide open. Takes place post-World War II (think late 40′s, going into early 1950′s) so I tried to use some of the slang and language that would have been used in that time period. Each part has themes from the song by Switchfoot of the same name (which I’ve ALWAYS wanted to use in a story!). Per usual; unbeta’d, all mistakes are mine, but the pictures are NOT. I found them on Pinterest and tumblr.
Welcome to the Planet
Welcome to existence
Everyone's here
Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now
Everybody waits for you now
What happens next?
What happens next?
She shifted and the cold light of day invaded her closed eyelids.
“Mhhhh.” She grunted and opened them up.
She was naked, save for the sheet and the arm that was currently wrapped around her body. She rolled over and saw a pair of shining green eyes and a wide smile looking back at her.
“Morning beautiful.” He said
“No way I look beautiful right now.” She said as she reached out and touched his face.
“You always look beautiful Gracie.” He said and kissed her.
“Mh, I love it when you call me that.” She said sleepily and opened her mouth for another kiss.
He rolled, putting her on her back and making her giggle. He kissed down her neck and to her collar bone and then back up to her ear.
“My sweet,” kiss “sweet,” kiss “Gracie Lou.”
“Deeeeeean!” She whined slapping his bare shoulders and making him laugh.
“You’re gonna have to hit harder than that if you wanna throw me off doll face.” He said, pinning her hands on either side of her head by the wrists.
“Mhhhh, can’t get rid of you easily can I?” She teased as they kissed. She opened her legs and his hardened length ran up her inner thigh as she gasped.
“Nope.” He said as he pushed inside her waiting core. He kissed her again as he buried himself inside of her.
“Dean,” she sighed against his mouth, her nails pressing into his shoulders “Dean, you feel so good inside me.”
“Gracie.” he sighed back as he raked his hands through her hair, wrapping her up into his arms as he pushed into her. She wrapped her legs around him, her heels digging into the backs of his thighs. He thrust up into her, hitting her sweet spot, making her back arch and her nails dig harder into his shoulders. He took his time, slowly thrusting in and out of her, kissing every inch of her body that his mouth could reach until she was a whining mess under him.
“Dean, please!” She begged “Please!”
“What?” He asked playfully “Tell me sweetheart.”
“I wanna come,” she whined, raking her nails down his back “please, please let me come Dean!”
He growled and pushed hard into her, making her cry out. She writhed under him, he seemed to be hitting every nerve in her body until she screamed and came hard. Her clenching around him was exactly what he needed to send him over the edge. With a loud cry, he emptied his load into her, his hips stilling as he supported his weight on his knees and forearms. He gave her one last kiss before rolling off of her, both of them breathing hard. After a few minutes of blissful silence, she rolled to her side and kissed his cheek.
“What time is it?” She asked, rubbing the tip of her nose against his cheek.
Dean checked his watch.
“Ten thirty.” He said
“What?!” She asked
“It’s ten thirty.” He said and showed her the face of his watch.
“FUCK!” She exclaimed and darted out of bed.
“What’s wrong?!” He asked
“I’m supposed to be at bridge club in an hour! Fuck!” She yelled as she gathered her clothes and threw them on.
“Shit!” Dean yelled and got out of bed to help her, tugging on his underwear. She threw on her bra and panties, foregoing her pantyhose for now, and stuffed them into her bag along with her gloves.
“God damn it,” she said “I can’t believe I over slept. Where’s my dress?!”
“Right here.” He said and held it up with two fingers.
“Thank you!” She said gratefully as she stepped into it.
“You sure YOU weren’t the one in the Army with that foul mouth?” He teased
“Father was a Sergeant Major in the Marine Corps remember?” She asked as she pulled the sleeves of her dress up and he flashed recognition across is face.
“Ah, now I remember.” He said
“Zip me please?” She asked and turned her back to him. He did as she requested and planted a kiss between her shoulder blades.
“I’m so sorry,” she said “I’m running around here like a chicken with my head cut off. I'm gonna be late and those bitches will rip me to shreds!”
“It’s okay,” He said as she grabbed her shoes and buckled them “go play bridge and gossip, I’ll talk to you tonight.”
She pinned her hair back as best as she could and gave him a quick kiss.
“You’re the best you know?” She asked him
“Stop flattering me or I won’t let you leave.” He said and wrapped her in a breath stealing kiss. She moaned against his lips.
“I have to go,” she whined between kisses “Lula and Sissy are gonna have a fit when they see me.”
Dean laughed
“Go before Lula threatens to hunt me down. Again.” He teased and opened the door for her, watching as she blew him a kiss over her shoulder and took off down the stairs.
It wasn’t supposed to be like this, Grace thought as she caught the bus back to her house, pretending that she wasn’t wearing the clothes she’d worn the night before. She was supposed to hit the road with her high school sweetheart, Dean Winchester, and drive until they reached the Pacific Ocean. They would set up a dual building where he could practice medicine and she could paint, sketch and teach art classes. That’s what they’d always talked about.
That was before Dean got drafted into World War II. He’d been ripped away from her in the blink of an eye while she helped the local Red Cross with the war effort.
When the dust finally settled, Dean’s brother; Sam, showed her the telegram that bore the sad news. Dean was MIA and believed to be dead. It was a hero’s death, her father had mused. She mourned, for years she mourned for the boy she had loved. The one that listened when she talked, that always told her that her dreams of being a writer and artist weren’t stupid or misguided. The boy who away made her feel pretty, the one who always showered her with love and attention, who understood that she didn’t want to be defined by her marital status or that expected her to pop out as many babies as she could.
The girl she was died along with him, after that, she found it easier to just do as she was told. She dated the boys her parents set her up with. Even accepted the proposal of the man her parents deemed “a good match” for her. Kenneth Drake worked successfully in advertising, he made good money and was nice enough. He didn’t seem too happy when she voiced her opinions on social matters or offered her view on the current ads he was trying to run.
“Darling,” he had said and patted her on the back of the hand “I know you have a lot to say, but women are meant to be seen, not heard.”
She had sighed and resigned to the fact that she was supposed to be decoration. She was supposed to smile, look good when she met the boss and have dinner on the table by five thirty sharp.
That perfect illusion was shattered when Kenneth was admitted to the hospital two years after they were married. She got the call in the middle of the night and rushed to the hospital to be with him.
“Please,” she pleaded with the nurse “I’m looking for Kenneth Drake, he’s my husband!”
“Gracie?” She heard a familiar voice ask. The voice send chills down her spine, only one person on the planet called her Gracie and that person had died years ago. She slowly turned and saw him.
His hair was darker than she remembered, but his eyes, oh lord in heaven, those emerald green eyes. Their striking color hadn’t changed at all. He wore a crisp white lab coat with dark slacks and shoes, across his chest was the name
Dr. D Winchester
“Dean?” She asked
He looked like he had seen a ghost, his face went ashen, his full lips dropped open into a surprise O shape. He briefly shook his head and said to the nurse
“Betty, she’s okay. Let her through.”
The nurse, Betty, nodded and stepped aside as Grace rushed over to Dean.
“Kenneth Drake is your husband?” Dean asked, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. She nodded, a dark curl falling into her eyes.
“Yes, they said they found him in bad shape outside this bar,” she said obviously upset “please Dean, can you tell me anything?”
Dean paused for a second and then nodded
“Have a seat,” he said gently and directed her to a nearby chair “I’ll check it out.”
“Thank you,” She said “thank you so much.”
He gave her a small smile and took off down the hallway.
After some time, Dean returned and sat by her.
“Kenneth suffered a concussion,” he told her “he hit his head on the cement after he collapsed due to alcohol poisoning. They pumped his stomach and gave him some fluids, he’s gonna have a nasty headache and a hell of a hangover, but he’ll be fine.”
She let out a sigh of relief and hugged him.
“Thank you,” She told him, inhaling his familiar scent “Thank you so much Dean.”
He reluctantly wrapped his arms around her, the familiar feel of her hair under his hand filling the dull ache in his chest that he’d learned to live with.
The next day she’d returned to the hospital to check on Kenneth. She headed up to the roof to get some air and found Dean, sitting on a bench. He wore sunglasses and had a lit cigarette in his hand.
“I thought you would be up here.” She called to him.
He turned, startled, but his expression softened when he saw her.
“Gracie!” He called
That was how it started; they’d rekindled their friendship like they’d never been apart. One night, she met Dean for a drink, which turned into multiple drinks, and the truth came out.
“You couldn’t wait for me?” He asked, his eyes glassy.
“Sam told me you were dead Dean, he showed me the telegram.” Grace said, taking a puff from the cigarette she stole from him.
“The Army thought I was dead,” he told her “my unit got captured by the Italians and they kept us as prisoners of war. Then the Allies liberated us and brought us home. Imagine the shock on my mother’s face when I turned up.”
“Why didn’t you?” She asked and trailed off.
“Come looking for you?” He asked and she nodded “I did, your father told me he’d put a bullet in me like the Italians, Germans and Japanese had failed to do if I ever came near you again.”
Her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open in shock as she handed back the cigarette to him.
“My God,” she said “my father, always the wordsmith.”
Dean smirked and snubbed out the cigarette.
“So Kenneth seems nice, albeit a raging alcoholic.” Dean said
She shook her head
“He’s docile,” she said “he makes good money, he works hard, he’s nice enough. I guess.”
“But?” Dean asked, downing the last of his drink and asking for another.
She rolled her eyes and took a sip of her drink.
“My husband,” she trailed off and chose her words carefully “bats for the other team.”
Dean’s eyebrows shot up
“Kenneth wears sensible shoes?” Dean asked and she nodded “Sure do know how to pick ‘em Gracie Lou.”
She slapped his arm playfully
“MY PARENTS picked him,” she said “I had no say in the matter.”
“So, where is he now?” Dean asked
She pursed her lips and thought
“At a late meeting,” she said and downed the rest of her drink “with his business partner William.”
“Does he often have late meetings with William?” Dean asked and she nodded.
“Nearly every night,” she said “he comes home for dinner and then leaves at exactly seven thirty.”
“When does he come home?” Dean asked
“Whenever he damn well pleases,” she told him “he's the man of the house. His words, not mine.”
Dean shook his head as the waiter dropped off another round for them.
“I can tell you something?” She asked, leaning into Dean. Her blue eyes were sparkling like they always had, he could smell her perfume and the alcohol on her, which just made her all the more enchanting.
“Of course.” He said
Their eyes met and she bit her lower lip. Not only had their friendship rekindled, so had to sexual tension between them. The last time Grace had sex with a man was Kenneth on her birthday; and even then, it hadn't been anything worth writing home about.
“The last time I had a decent orgasm? Right before you went off to war.” she told him
His eyes went wide
“You’re kidding right?” He asked and she shook her head.
“This is much too serious for me to joke about.” She told him.
Dean reached in his pocket, pulled out his wallet and said
“We’re fixing that. Now.”
“What?!” She asked shocked as he threw some money on the table and grabbed her hand.
“Either I just left a VERY generous tip or a dry cleaning receipt, let’s hurry in case it’s the receipt.” He murmured in her ear and she laughed.
Dean always had the ability to make her laugh, even when she didn’t want to.
He took her to his apartment and as soon as the door was shut behind them he said
“You have to tell me this is okay Gracie, I need to hear you say it.”
It was nice to see all those years away hadn’t changed that part of him. He’s said something similar when she’d lost her virginity to him what seemed like a lifetime ago. She put her purse down and stepped closer to him. Standing in front of her wasn’t the boy she’d fallen in love with. He was a grown and jaded man, but he still had all the love and compassion in him that she’d always cherished about him. She nodded and said
“I want this Dean,” as she reached for him “I want you. Make love to me, please.”
That night had been full of passion and romance unlike anything she’d experienced since she’d slept with him previously. He remembered every place to touch and kiss her that made her toes curl and drawing sounds out of her she wasn’t sure she was capable of making any more.
The next morning her eyes fluttered open and she found Dean asleep beside her.
“Oh thank god.” She said quietly “that wasn’t an elaborate dream.”
She heard Dean chuckle as he opened his eyes.
“Are you okay?” He asked, pushing her hair out of her face. She nodded
“I should feel guilty,” she told him “I should feel ashamed and disgusted.”
“Do you?” He asked, hesitation in his voice.
She smiled and shook her head
“No,” she said “I don’t.”
That was more than a year ago, Grace thought as the bus pulled up at a stop near her house. Since then, she and Dean has carried on discreetly, just as she knew Kenneth and William were. Neither of them mentioned the other’s fling and they kept up appearances. She was there to greet the boss at work functions and host dinners in their home. Though now she did it with a bit more pep in her step.
She rushed into the house, busting through the kitchen door like a bat out of hell and startling both Lula and Sissy, the ladies that helped her in her home.
“Mrs. Grace you look like something that got caught in a drain!” Lula exclaimed and Grace laughed.
“I do look a bit silly don’t I?” Grace asked “Lula, could you make me some coffee while I freshen up?”
“Yes ma’am,” Lula said and nodded to Sissy “help Mrs. Grace outta those clothes so I can get ‘em washed.”
“Yes Lula.” Sissy said and followed Grace up the stairs.
Sissy was Lula’s niece and needed work, Lula had been helping out her family for as long as she could remember and when she started to get on in years, Lula asked tearfully if Grace could help out her niece. Grace’s heart went out to Lula.
“Lula, you know you’re family to us and if your family needs help, this is the least I can do.” Grace had told her and covered Lula’s dark hand with her own pale one “How about this? You bring Sissy on and teach her how you do things? That way when you’re ready to leave, Sissy can take over.”
“You do that for me Mrs. Grace?” Lula asked, her brown eyes wide with shock.
“Lula, if she is anywhere close to as amazing as you are, we’d be happy to have her on.”
Sissy was terribly shy at first, she didn’t even look Grace or Kenneth in the eye for the first few months she worked for them. Slowly though, she’d come around and was a delight to be around.
“Tell Lula I’m sorry this smells like cigarettes.” Grace told Sissy as she turned her back. Sissy unzipped her dress and asked
“Doctor Winchester again?”
Grace gave Sissy a sly smile and Sissy returned it. She threw the evening dress over her arm and Grace headed for the bathroom.
“Sissy, could you find me something to wear for today?” Grace asked
“What do you want to wear Mrs. Grace?” Sissy asked.
Grace shrugged
“Surprise me, I always get compliments on the clothes you pick out.” Grace said and went into the bathroom.
After a shower, pinning her hair up and donning a floral dress, peach sandals, a strand of pearls and matching earrings, Grace did her makeup. Just a little bit of mascara, blush and lipstick to bring out her features. She looked in the mirror and realized Dean had left a hickey on her neck.
“Asshole!” She mumbled to herself and set to work trying to cover it up.
When she was ready, she went down into the kitchen and took a cup of coffee that Lula had waiting for her.
“Did Kenneth come home at all?” Grace asked Lula.
“He was here this morning for breakfast,” Lula said “which you missed.”
Grace hung her head, Lula chastising her wasn’t anything new.
“Sorry Lula.” Grace said and sipped her coffee before shoving a pancake in her mouth.
“MRS. GRACE!” Lula shouted “You eat like your Momma taught you some manners!”
Grace laughed and so did Sissy. “You hush over there and make sure that mantel is dusted.” Lula said to Sissy, who scampered away.
“Did Kenneth tell you where he was going?” Grace asked.
“Playing golf with William,” Lula said as she arranged the tarts on a serving plate just so “said he’d be gone until dinner was ready.”
“That’ll give me plenty of time to get dinner ready,” Grace said “meatloaf and potatoes?”
Lula nodded
“Mister Kenneth likes that.” She said with a grin.
“I'm late, I have to go. I'll see you two when I get home.”
When she arrived, fifteen minutes late, Sue, the hostess for this meeting was not pleased at all.
“Not like you to be late Grace.” She said as Grace stepped through the door.
“I'm so sorry Sue,” Grade said and handed her a bottle of her favorite wine “I lost track of time.”
In spite of her distraction, the rest of the bridge game went off without a hitch.
“Grace, are you wearing a new lipstick or something?” Mary Anne asked as she dealt out another hand.
“No, it’s the same as always, why do you ask?” Grace inquired.
“You seem so,” Mary Anne trailed off “different some how.”
“Glowing almost.” Catherine commented as she took a puff from her cigarette.
“I bet I KNOW what it is.” Louise said, adjusting her glasses “Kenneth DID just get home from a long business trip.”
Grace’s cheeks flushed and the ladies started to giggle.
“Oh, now that makes sense!” Mary Anne said with a grin.
Grace tucked her hair behind her ear and smiled.
“A lady doesn’t kiss and tell.” She said simply and went on playing.
After bridge, Grace made dinner. She made extra so that Sissy and Lula could have some as a thank you for their hard work. Kenneth strolled through the door at precisely five thirty, still wearing his golfing gear.
“Darling,” he greeted Grace with a hug “how were the ladies today?”
“Like hens in a hen house,” she told Kenneth “meatloaf and mashed potatoes tonight. Do you want brandy or whiskey?”
“Whiskey please, my sweet?” He asked, giving her a peck on the cheek.
They ate dinner, chatting about their respective days. Kenneth hadn’t done so well on the golf course and had lost a few dollars to William and their other partner, Jim.
“You’ll get them next week,” Grace said “I’m sure of it.”
Kenneth gave her a smile and took a sip of his drink, his eyes still on her. She looked back at him; he was indeed handsome. He had forget- me-not blue eyes, lush dark hair and a slight boyish grin on his face.
“Grace?” He asked
“Hm?” She answered as she took a sip of her wine.
“When are we going to talk about it?” He asked.
“Talk about what?” She shot back.
“What you’re doing.” He said
She blinked at she stared at him
“Eating my dinner?” She asked.
He shook his head and raked a hand through his hair.
“No, and don’t talk to me like I’m an idiot.” He said
“Kenneth, I wouldn’t-“ she started but he interrupted
“I KNOW okay?” He asked sharply
“About what?!” She shot back, even though she knew exactly what he was getting at.
“You and that doctor!” Kenneth exploded “You’re fucking him behind my back!”
Even though it was true, and she had been for more than a year, she still decided to play dumb.
“What doctor? I’m not fucking-“ she started and he cut her off again.
“YES YOU ARE!” He yelled as he stood “Shirley, the butcher’s wife, saw you with a man that wasn’t me last night!”
Fuming, Grace said
“Kenneth, sit down and we can talk about this calmly.”
“THERE’S NOTHING CALM ABOUT WHAT I HAVE TO SAY!” Kenneth shouted at her “HOW COULD YOU?! HOW COULD YOU FUCKING DO THIS TO ME GRACE?!”
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
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serenagaywaterford · 6 years ago
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19) ignored her. Damn, I could go and on about this toxic yet fascinating duo, but I'll restrain myself. g) “YAY I’M SO GLAD SERENA GOT BEAT! SERVES HER RIGHT!” There are people that actually said THAT? WOW. No really, WOW. The irony and hypocrisy in that statement! I'm glad that I didn't stumble upon them. h) "on some level I think Serena and some other wives (IIRC) are completely aware of how terrible it is" If I remember correctly Serena looked very awkward/uncomfortable during the first
20) ceremony with June (back in S1), but of course that didn't stop her from going along with it. -_- Plus, she might have been a little jealous that her husband was fucking a handmaid, even if she didn't see handmaids as ACTUAL people. In 2x10, there's a moment (near the end of that horrendous act) where Serena is looking INTENSELY at Fred and maybe that's just me, but I think that she's coming to the realization that what they're doing is SICK. Props to Strahovski for those subtle things she
21) does with her expressions. Sometimes Serena's face says more than her words. i) "I don’t let (Fred) off the hook for it" I don't either! I have to give credit where credit is due. Fiennes' acting is GOOD. Whenever Fred was being particularly awful to either June or Serena in S2, I had those self-indulgent fantasies where she/they clawed his eyes out. (And that probably sounded creepy. I swear I'm not a psycho killer, LOL. I despise violence irl.) It's just that with S2!Fred I know exactly
22) where I stand, I don't give him the benefit of the doubt anymore (well, the chess scene gave me a momentary pause in s1, but nah).Unlike Serena FUCKING no-Joy. What do people around here call them? "Problematic faves." Indeed. j)"I do believe she truly loves Nicole and babies." Oh, she definitely does. In her own twisted way of course. She proves it in the finale, after all. Another moment that made me feel kinda sorry for her was during 2x09. She smiles at that little girl who thought she
23) was a princess bc of her uniform) while she's waiting for the elevator, but the child's mother makes it VERY clear what she thinks of Serena and people like her. She actually seems like she wants to take her child 99999999 miles away from Serena as soon as possible. Can't say I blame her, lol. // END OF RANT
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Yes. Quite a lot of people I’ve seen raving that Serena got just what she deserves, both the domestic abuse and the mutilation. Cos, she’s a bad person so therefore ... I just can’t. I can’t. It’s such a terrible fucking opinion that whenever I see it I just want to go full banshee on everybody. There’s a post sitting in my drafts that lengthily deals with someone else’s post saying Serena got what she deserved. Maybe I’ll post it sometime. I just really hate engaging with other people’s posts by essaying at them lol.
So many people going, “Do I feel sorry for her getting beaten by Fred? No, she brought it on herself by being Pro-Gilead! This is what she asked for lol dumb bitch!”
I... yeah. I’ll just leave it for now cos it angers me about how little people are absorbing about the entire fucking premise of this show.
Yeah, Serena vs The Ceremony. I personally believe she’s actually quite conflicted about it overall. (I may be wrong!) I feel like most Wives would be. But she’s also very aligned to the SAVE MANKIND THRU FORCED CHILDBIRTH! idea. Like, in 1x03 when she’s talking to June about how she’s so happy June is so strong because a lot of girls can’t handle it. And she’s like, “What you do and what we do together is so terrible.” looking like she means it. And then catches herself and says some bullshit to cover it up. Clearly Serena hates watching her husband “fuck” some other woman, but I do think it goes beyond jealousy. It would be easy to simplify it to just that but I think Serena is aware to some degree that the Ceremony, if not the entire Handmaid system, is Very Bad. But she does fuck all about it and in fact, that makes it even worse (when she could, if she was a half-decent human being, be more like other Wives that try to avoid doing Ceremonies or at least treat Handmaids like people). Ugh. It’s one thing to be ignorant about it, or even be a True Believer and honestly believe it’s the Right Thing... but quite another to be cognizant of how fucking horrible it is and just participate (sometimes enthusiastically) anyway.
[Then again, there’s that one other Wife (can’t remember her name) that is even more awful than Serena when talking about Handmaids like animals. I actually sort of am fascinated with the dynamics of the Wives with each other, cos it seems so superficial and nasty.]
Yeah, 2x10 ... I had to force myself to watch it a few times to really pick up on the tiny details, especially from Yvonne. Fred is Fred is Fred. I don’t care to give him any benefit of doubt anymore either. But by the end of the ceremony that time, Serena looked rocked. She’s staring at him and then can’t look anymore and then stares down at June looking like she’s just fucking put the pieces together. And runs from the room. I think if people watch the scene a few times and pay attention, they’ll see there is definitely something dawning on Serena. (ABOUT TIME.) And I think that’s where her outburst about rape comes from the following episode. She finally recognises it and can’t be so willfully blind. (I think deep down she knew the whole time but could fool herself--until that rape when June fought back.) 
It’s the little things in Yvonne’s performance that really sold the character for me. (I’d never really been a fan of hers before S2 especially. I’d seen Dexter but meh.)
I’m with ya on the clawing Fred’s eyes out fantasies! LOL. There is at least one other person on tumblr who agrees with us. I remember seeing a similar post months ago. I would LOVE for the two of them to gang up on him.
OMG. I would be that mother 100%. I prolly wouldn’t have even stood there next to her. Drag my kid away before she gets any fancy ideas about the pretty princess lady. I loved how much it hurt Serena. I actually really enjoyed watching her completely miserable the entire time in Toronto cos she realises her life sucks. And I thought it was interesting how she doesn’t get all indignant like I expected when the mother gives her attitude. She always gets defensive and bitchy when people call her on shit but she’s SO subdued the entire fucking time. Granted, part of that is likely due to the domestic abuse a few days back and how out of place she is in Canada, and she has ZERO power... but still. And then in the end of the trip and the Canadian woman is like “How do you live with yourself” and Serena just tears up and says some bullshit blessing thing. (And thinking about how this originally followed a rape has her reaction make even more sense. Cos there's that, but even if she was considering Tuello’s offer, she’s lost her chance by hesitating.) And that bit about “It’s sad what they’ve done to you.” was way harsh and spot on? And then you see Serena very visibly affected by the protests on the way to the plane--which is an interesting contrast to the flashback we saw of her dealing with a rowdy crowd of protesters. She really has become a totally different person.
Yes, problematic fav to the 1000000th level! I don’t think I’ve ever stanned a villain (dark antihero at a push) before and I always looked at people who did like, “What is wrong with you? That person is fucking HORRIBLE!” And like, yes, she is horrible, that's the point, but she’s INTERESTING and ENGAGING, and that is very important to me it turns out, lol. I think there are so many opportunities for stories with her.
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