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im-no-jedi · 3 years ago

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MLWTBB: My Friends Bolo & Ketch

aka the (continued) journey into my self insert nonsense✨

notes: this is a continuation of my story, “My Life With The Bad Batch”; I highly recommend reading that first before this one! I created a few new planets for this AU. I’m also not 100% versed in SW terminology, so forgive me if some things are labeled incorrectly! each chapter will be rated accordingly, as opposed to the overall fic. lastly, there is romance in this story. hope you enjoy! 💙

add. notes: this chapter was edited and proofread by my sis @jam-n-ham! thanks sis!! 😋💙

Chapter 3, 2500+ words, rated G (very silly stuff in this one LOL)

previous chapters: Chapter 1 - Chapter 2

next chapter

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For the second time that day, Hannah was back in the market streets of Ord Mantell. Unlike earlier though, she had others with her this time, which should’ve been helping her anxiety. She always felt less anxious doing things when one of the Bad Batch was with her, but Bolo and Ketch weren’t having as much of a positive effect. In the back of her mind, Hannah was constantly worried that the two of them were going to get into some sort of trouble. That was the whole reason they were in the market in the first place, after all.

It also didn’t help that the places they needed to visit were completely unfamiliar. Even Bolo and Ketch had never been to them before, and they’d lived on Ord Mantell much longer than Hannah. Regardless of that, Hannah knew that the best thing to do was remain calm and positive. Being a nice person always worked better than being rude, which she told Bolo and Ketch along the way to their first stop.

According to Cid, the pawn shop was closer than the repair shop, so they had decided to head there first. The shop was run by someone named “Sash”, and that’s the only description Cid gave them.

“How are we supposed to know what this place even looks like?” Bolo asked, looking around the market as they were walking.

“Well, pawn shops are usually pretty recognizable,” Hannah responded. “There were a few of them on Astreon that I used to visit.”

“I’m surprised that planet had shops at all,” Ketch said with a snicker. “Or people in general.”

Bolo elbowed him and said, “Don’t be mean! Even if it is true...”

“It’s fine,” Hannah said, shaking her head. “Honestly, I’m surprised you guys even know about it at all. I used to think nobody had even heard of it before. It’s not even like it has a bad rep or anything...” She paused to look around and gestured outwards. “Like this place does. Astreon just has a whole lot of... well, nothing really.”

“Like I said!” Ketch exclaimed.

“It sounds so boring,” Bolo added.

“Honestly, it is!” Hannah said with a laugh.

After walking for a bit longer, Hannah eventually spotted something. “Hmm, I wonder if that’s the place?” She walked up to a storefront and began looking it over. “Yup, I think this is it.”

“What makes you think so?” Bolo asked, scratching the side of his long neck.

“We’re looking for Sash, right?” Hannah pointed up to the sign affixed to the front of the building. A brightly colored strip of fabric was tied to it, blowing slightly from the breeze.

“Uhh, I thought Sash was a person,” Ketch said, scratching his head in confusion.

“They are,” Hannah responded with a giggle. “But I think this is a clue. I just have a feeling about it.”

“Oh!” Ketch exclaimed. “Ok, yeah, I get it. Why didn’t I think of that?”

“Cause you’re dumb,” Bolo bluntly stated.

“Hey!” Ketch exclaimed, giving Bolo a dirty look.

Hannah had already started heading inside and briefly stopped to remind the boys to not start any fights. After sheepishly apologizing, Bolo and Ketch began following Hannah inside the shop.

The shop wasn’t terribly big, but it was still more impressive than any of the pawn shops Hannah had been to on Astreon. There was a wide assortment of knick-knacks and oddities scattered about the place with no rhyme or reason to their placement.

“And I thought the parlor was a mess,” Bolo whispered to Ketch, who nodded in agreement.

“Alright, boys,” Hannah said, turning towards the other two with her hands on her hips. “Let’s fan out and look for anything that could replace the dome on the jukebox. See if you can find a radio transmitter too.”

Bolo and Ketch just nodded before going their separate ways, leaving Hannah to begin her own search as well.

As Hannah was looking over one of the tables of knick-knacks, she felt a presence pop up beside her.

“Hello, customer!” a voice exclaimed unnecessarily loud.

Hannah got so spooked, she almost bumped the table over. She turned to see a wide-eyed female Cathar with sunny yellow skin and a mane of equally bright yellow hair staring up at her.

“I see you’re interested in table number three,” the Cathar said, dragging one of her fingers across the table. “An interesting collection on this one, yup. You’ll be happy with anything you get off this table, I promise you that!”

Hannah chuckled nervously. “I’m sure...”

The Cathar then began stepping closer to Hannah. She seemed to be inspecting her with squinted eyes. Hannah instinctually backed up a bit, but the Cathar kept advancing.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?” The Cathar stated, her cat-like eyes going wide again.

Hannah just nodded.

“I knew it!” The Cathar exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. “I know a newbie when I see one.” She got a bit closer to Hannah and began loudly sniffing her, which made Hannah even more uncomfortable. “Ick, you smell like alcohol and cleaning solution,” the Cathar said, scrunching her face in disgust. “What are you, some kind of bartender?”

“Uhh, actually yes,” Hannah sheepishly responded. “I work at a game parlor.”

“Ooo!” The Cathar’s eyes somehow got even wider than before. “That sounds fun! I love games!” She clapped her hands together excitedly. “If I come visit your parlor, you gotta promise to play with me, ok?”

An amused smile spread on Hannah’s face. This cat lady was certainly boisterous, but in an endearing way. Weirdly enough, she reminded Hannah a bit of Wrecker.

“So, newbie!” The Cathar exclaimed. “What can I help you with this fine day?”

“Umm, I’m actually looking for a replacement part for a jukebox,” Hannah answered. “Specifically a transparisteel cover for the front.”

“Oooooo...” The Cathar pursed her lips together in thought. “Interesting... I might have something like that... maaaaaybe...”

“My boss said that someone named Sash would have something like that?” Hannah inquired.

“Well, you’re in luck!” The Cathar flung her arms in the air again. “I am Sash!” She proudly gestured to a bright red sash tied around her waist and posed. “Yeah, I know, it’s a bit on the nose, but hey, people eat up this kind of marketing nonsense!”

Hannah couldn’t help but giggle. “Hey, no judgment from me. I’ve seen much weirder, trust me.”

“Ooo, I like you, bartender lady,” Sash playfully said with a giggle of her own. “We’re gonna be good friends. Come, walk with me.” She began hopping away and beckoned Hannah to follow.

As Hannah was being led through the space, Bolo and Ketch both noticed them and began following as well. Sash eventually led them all into the back of the shop to a large counter with more random things strewn across it. She hopped behind the counter and shoved some of the things off to the side, with a few things clattering to the floor.

“So!” Sash exclaimed, leaning against the counter on her elbows. “You’re looking for a transparisteel cover for your jukebox. And your boss told you that I would have one. Well!” Her hands slammed down on the counter, spooking the other three. “Your boss was absolutely right!” In a flash, she suddenly disappeared behind the counter. Rummaging noises could be heard, along with Sash muttering to herself.

“Oh, where is that thing?” she said, popping up into view again. She disappeared once more, this time off to the side behind a large cabinet. More rummaging noises and muttering were heard, and a few random items came flying out from behind the cabinet.

“Aha!!” Sash suddenly exclaimed. She reappeared from behind the cabinet with a loud huff and grunted as she came back to the counter with a fairly large, rounded piece of transparisteel in her arms. She dropped it on the counter with a loud thud, and Hannah was shocked that it didn’t crack.

“Say hello to the finest half dome of transparisteel you’ll find on all of Ord Mantell!” Sash proclaimed, gesturing to the object on the counter. She began running her claws along the dome and said, “This pretty little thing should do the trick for you, methinks.”

“That looks perfect actually!” Hannah responded. “How much for it?”

“Mmm, that’s the thing, now isn’t it?” Sash replied, still clawing on the dome. “I’m actually preeeeetty attached to this thing. Just look at how it reflects the light so beautifully...” Her face leaned in close to the counter, with her gaze fixated on the little strips of light feeding through the dome. “But!” Her head shot up, spooking the others again. “I like you, bartender lady. You smell funny, but your hair is pretty and you like weird things. So, I’m going to let you have the pretty dome...” Her entire body lunged forward against the counter, nearly knocking over the dome. “IF! You can give me a good offer for it. And you should know, I take all kinds of payment, not just money.” She playfully gestured around the room in a circle with a wide toothy grin on her face.

It made sense now why there were so many random things in the shop. Hannah knew that Cid wanted Bolo and Ketch to pay for the replacement parts, but she didn’t even know if they had anything Sash might like, much less enough money to pay for it. After a moment of thought, Hannah began rummaging through her bag, which caught Sash’s attention. The cat-like woman leaned against the counter, resting her chin on top of the dome expectantly.

“I think I might have something you’d like,” Hannah said, still searching inside her bag.

“With a big ol’ bag like that, I would hope so!” Sash commented.

For the next several minutes, Hannah began pulling random things out of her bag that she thought Sash might like. A few items caught the Cathar’s attention, but none of them seemed to be good enough for replacing the dome. Hannah began to wonder if the whole endeavor was going to be a lost cause.

Then Ketch decided to speak up. “Uhh, maybe you’d like something like this instead?” He reached into one of his pockets and pulled out a silver bangle with small colored stones laden around it in a straight line.

Sash’s eyes suddenly went the widest they’d gone all day. “Ooooo...” She leaned so far against the counter, she was practically laying on top of it. “Lemme see that!”

With slight hesitation, Ketch held out the bangle for her, and she swiped it out of his hand with lightning speed. Everyone was suddenly spooked by her leaping onto the counter and perching like some kind of primate as she examined the bangle.

“Oh, now this,” Sash began, her eyes still wide as she looked over the bangle. “This is a beauty... how did you know I like jewelry so much, huh?”

“Uhh, just a guess, I guess?” Ketch replied with a shrug.

Bolo elbowed Ketch in the arm and asked, “Why do you even have that thing? You don’t wear jewelry!”

“Oh uhh, it’s not really mine,” Ketch replied. “It was my mother’s.”

Hannah gasped softly. “Ketch... you don’t have to give up something like that.”

“No no, it’s fine,” Ketch said, waving his hand nonchalantly. “I was only keeping it for something like this anyway. It doesn’t mean anything to me, honest.”

Hannah wasn’t sure if that made her sadder or not, but it was apparent Ketch wasn’t going to change his mind about it. Plus, it seemed like this might be the only thing Sash would be willing to trade the dome for.

After another moment of examining the bangle, Sash proudly proclaimed that she would take the pretty piece of jewelry in exchange for the dome, no other payment required. The others were shocked, but honestly couldn’t complain. As Sash scooted the dome over, Hannah thanked her and told her that the dome would be put to very good use at the parlor.

“I’ll be the judge of that,” Sash responded. “Once I decide to make my way over there, that is.”

Hannah ushered Bolo and Ketch to grab the dome, which they did with a hefty huff. “Oh, that reminds me,” she said, turning back to Sash. “Do you also have a radio transmitter? We need one of those too.”

“Ooooo,” Sash replied with a scratch of her chin. “Not sure about that one. I’m not too fancy with the technological stuff. Oh!” One of her clawed fingers popped in the air excitedly. “You could see if Master Gildish has one though! Now that’s a guy who knows his technology!”

“Master who now?” Ketch questioned, giving her a confused look.

“He runs a repair shop a few blocks down,” Sash responded. “You’ll know him when you see him, trust me.”

“Oh, we were actually gonna go to a repair shop next!” Hannah exclaimed. “Must be the same place.”

“Well, tell the Master I said hi when you see him!” Sash waved for emphasis and then leaned forward towards Hannah with a more serious look on her face. “You should know though, the Master’s a biiiiiit on the loopy side, if ya know what I mean.” She snickered and went back behind the counter with a loud crash that sent a few more objects flying.

“I think we’ll manage,” Hannah replied, trying to hold back a laugh.

As Hannah began to leave with Bolo and Ketch in tow, Sash called out to them, thanking them again for their service and telling them to come back whenever they’d like to peruse her unique wares.

“Especially you, bartender lady!” she yelled out. “And you too, mister bangles!” She giggled and waved specifically at Ketch, who chuckled nervously before being literally dragged away by Bolo.

“Mister bangles?” Bolo said with a snort.

“I think she likes you,” Hannah added with a giggle.

Ketch just grinned with pride, which earned him an elbow in the side from Bolo.

Their first item off the list was now down, two still remained. They knew where they needed to go next now and even had a name to go along with it: Master Gildish. Hannah felt a bit better about it, but was still unsure about what to expect, especially after what they just experienced. At least Bolo and Ketch were behaving. For the most part.

“Hey!” she suddenly exclaimed, seeing the two boys getting into an argument over who was going to carry the dome. “If I see a single scratch on that thing before we get back to Cid’s, no more drinks for you guys for a month. Got it?”

Bolo and Ketch looked at each other, then nodded at her. As they continued to walk, Bolo leaned down to his much shorter friend and whispered, “I think Cid has been rubbing off on her.”

“Which is bad news for us if we screw things up again,” Ketch whispered back.

Bolo nodded in agreement. Neither of them said anything to each other for a good amount of time after that. Which Hannah appreciated more than they knew.

#the bad batch #star wars the bad batch #I finally finished this chapter! LOL #hopefully the next one won't take as long to finish #I've got a better idea of how I wanna finish this story #so hopefully that'll encourage me to actually finish it LOL #star warz #my storiez

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danses-with-dogmeat · 3 years ago

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Introducing My Fallout OCs!

OMGGGG y’all, I can’t. I’ve apparently reached over 200 of you fantabulous followers and I am so ecstatic! I honestly don’t even know if this is considered a milestone or anything, but I was super psyched, so I'm doing something about it, dang it!

Also, just a heads up on me right now, I just started school again, so my posting miiiiiiight be a bit sporadic every now and then, but I’m determined to still try and get a few posts out every week, so we’ll see how that goes. I’m also pretty backed up on requests at the moment, I’m still accepting them for the time being, but I may turn off my asks if I’m finding difficulty getting to everyone.

Anyways, I know I don’t ever really talk about my Fallout Original Characters, but I’m thinking of doing some stuff with them in the future, so this seemed like a good place to start 🤷‍♀️ So, here they are! One from each of the 3 FO games I write for. If ya’ll want to send in any asks about these folks, please feel free to do so!

(Art for these peeps is pending potentially as well).

My Lone Wanderer: Hope

Appearance:

- Basically like a black-haired, blue eyed Sarah Connor (y’know, from Terminator), she’s got a small frame, but is an absolute beast. She loves to change up her hair, but prefers the iron maiden, unladylike, or rude ridge styles and will often dye it bright-ass colors, cuz why not? She’s pretty pale considering the vault background and the fact she is constantly wearing full body combat or leather armor when she’s outdoors, and she has a few piercings she actually got before leaving the vault.

What’s in a Name:

- “Hope” was the name that her parents chose for her before she was even born, but she can’t stand it, she just tends to see it as a cruel joke in the world they live in. She instead goes by Effie (short for Ephialtes, cuz she’s edgy and dramatic and read too much in school). Hope tends not to tell anyone her real name, and if she does, you’d best not use it to refer to her, unless you like being enslaved. The only one who could ever get away with it is Jericho and a select few people from the vault (Stanley, and her father, but she’s still not happy about it.)

Sexuality:

- Pansexual

Main Companion:

- Jericho

Relationship(s):

- She has a sort of “friends with benefits” type situation going with Jericho, but it ends up getting... complicated, and turning somewhat into a relationship.

Bestie(s):

- Even though he’s her boss, Hope likes to hang out with Eulogy when she’s in Paradise Falls. When she was in the vault, she spent a lot of time with Stanley, and was pretty close with Butch, Wally, and Paul as well.

Fam Dam:

- James and Catherine are/were her parents (obviously). But she also considered Stanley to be a sort of uncle to her.

Karma:

- Oh, the worst. She’s honestly awful. She steals, she murders, she enslaves, she blows up settlements, all of it. She’s got a lot of things she needs to work out...

Faction of Choice:

- The Slavers of Paradise Falls. (Yeah... she sucks.) The Brotherhood and the Outcasts just never really struck her fancy, and her and Jericho found it was easy to make bank with the slavers. Hope also is a friend to Allistair Tenpenny and Mister Burke... and not the folks in Megaton. Cuz they’re all not really alive.

Vault Occupation:

- Engineer

Fun Fact!:

- Hope is really bad with empathy, and absolutely needs to experience something for herself before she can make any sort of judgement on it, or other people who have had that same experience.

My Courier Six: Sage

Appearence:

- Sage doesn’t really consider herself very “flashy” in comparison to most folks in NV. She’s got shoulder length brown hair (blast back or clean cut style) and brownish-hazel eyes. She’s pretty damn tan (Mojave, you know) and doesn’t have many scars, but the ones on the right side of her forehead clearly indicate where she was shot in the head (thanks, Benny). She and Boone tend to twin quite a bit, with matching red berets and sunglasses.

What’s in a Name:

- The poor girl has no clue what her real name was before she was shot, but she saw a box of labelled herbs in Doc Mitchell’s house when she was recovering from her headwounds and decided she liked the name “Sage.”

Sexuality:

- Bisexual

Main Companion:

- Craig Boone

Relationship:

- Also Boone :) it’s a pretty darn slow-burn romance with lots of bumps along the way, but their love always seems to prevail. (Gross and sappy, I know)

Bestie(s):

- Arcade, plus Rex, and ED-E. Also Victor and Doc Mitchell.

Fam Dam:

- No clue, unfortunately. She eventually tries to find out something about her past and her family, if she has any, but she’s got a few things to deal with first (hint, one rhymes with pleaser’s fleegion).

Karma:

- She may make mistakes along the way, but Sage really does try her best to be as good as possible.

Faction of Choice:

- Mr. House and the Followers of the Apocalypse. Would like to get rid of House, but can't bring herself to become responsible for everything once he's gone. She considers herself his personal empathy and tries to assist with the goings on of the Mojave even after the battle of hoover dam. Fucking wiped out everyone in the Legion. Her and Boone are a force to be reckoned with. And she never really cared much for the Brotherhood since she had such little interaction with them. She has a good relationship with Freeside and most of the settlements/other towns as well.

Previous Occupation:

- Courier? She has no idea what else. But she’s oddly really good with medicine 🤔

Fun Fact!:

- She supports Mr. House for a number of reasons, but one of the biggest is that she doesn't want to lose Victor. He saved her, and she considers the securitron to be her oldest friend (besides Doc Mitchell). She knows it's a little selfish, but she can't bring herself to put an end to him after he pulled her from her own grave and helped bring her back from the brink of death.

My Sole Survivor: Jolene Arvanidis-Ryan

Appearence:

- She’s got auburn hair she usually keeps cut short (clean cut) or in a bun, green eyes, pale skin with a good amount of freckles and has exceptionally straight teeth (braces suck, but you know.) When traveling with Cait, people tend to think they’re related. Jolene tends to wear a black beret and, if she has the time and resources, she likes cat eye style eyeliner.

What’s in a Name:

- Her first name runs in the family... plus her dad really liked Dolly Parton, so that helped cement the first name for him. Nate’s last name was Arvanidis, and she tends to use that as her last name exclusively, she rarely reveals her maiden name (Ryan) to anyone.

Sexuality:

- Straight

Main Companion:

- Paladin Danse

Relationship:

- It takes a long time (post BB), but she ends up being with Danse.

Bestie(s):

- MacCready and Cait

Fam Dam:

- Pre-war, her father was a carpenter and her mother was a major in the US military, she had no siblings and was very close with her father since her mom was often away on deployment.

Karma:

- Decent. Tries her best to do what’s “right,” but she sometimes has a hard time determining what that is. Is good at following orders, even if she doesn’t always agree with them (BB is the exception in this case).

Faction of Choice:

- Brotherhood of Steel, at least until BB, then she tends to focus more on the Minutemen, but still stays by the BOS’s side when it comes to taking down the Institute. Despite her loyalty to the BOS, she always regrets what she did to the Railroad, and how she ended things with the Institute, and she holds quite a bit of resentment towards Elder Maxson for ordering her to pull the trigger that ended her son’s life, and the other lives within the Institute.

Previous Occupation (Pre-War):

- She was a Gunnery Sergeant in the US Military. (Trying to follow in her mother’s footsteps).

Fun Fact!:

- She hates killing feral ghouls, but keeps it under wraps since she tends to travel with MacCready and Danse the most. After that random encounter where she found herself murdering her own neighbors, she can’t bring herself to look into the eyes of any feral ghouls she has to kill.

Bonus! Fun Fact!:

- She started out as my sort of "throw away" playthrough where I wanted to do a BOS run, just out of curiosity, but she ended up being my main playthrough… probably because Danse is just the best and I can't get enough of that tin can thesaur-ass.

#fallout #fallout 3 #fallout new vegas #fallout 4 #original character #fallout oc #thank you guys again #ily all so much #thank you for reading #you all are the best

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perksofbeingatallpotato · 4 years ago

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Shag, Marry, Kill

Harry Hart x Reader Request Warnings: Drinking Word Count: 1,605 A/N: I’m back! Although I wasn’t really gone, I see all your likes and messages. Thank you! Also, I have no first-hand experience in going to parties and playing the games mentioned below except for beer pong, forgive me. To Anon, I hope I met your expectations, and again thank you for the request! Request: “Could you do a lovely thing? A harry hart x reader where eggsy threw a birthday party and harry got too drunk and they took advantage of his drunkenness and asked him a bunch of stuff. They played shag, marry, kill and he only wants to shag and marry the reader. Make it fluff or smut, totally up to you. Thanks.”

Kingsman's resident wizard deserves all the good things in this world for everything he's been doing for the agency. And for his birthday, Eggsy organized a party for him, and has asked you for help. You were tasked with the food since according to Eggsy, he's not posh and not a foodie unlike you, but for the drinks, Eggsy said he's got it all handled.

Everyone at Kingsman was of course invited. It felt kind of odd to see the staff and the agents in their casual attire.

It was a surprise party, Eggsy managed to persuade Merlin to "come over at his place for some drinks and board games" this weekend, and he also had to tell him that you guys would need “pairs of two to play, otherwise game night wouldn't happen.”

"SURPRISE!!!" Everyone shouted in sync when Merlin arrived.

"Oh my!" Merlin clutched his chest. "Happy birthday, Merlin!" You went in to give the man a hug, Harry and Eggsy followed and gave him a hug, too.

The party was pretty casual, everyone was just eating, drinking, and mingling around. People were complementing the food and were asking you about it.

Merlin declaring a toast and saying his gratitude wrapped the party, some of the guests started to bid their goodnights. But little did you know, Eggsy has more plans. According to him, it's now the beginning of the after party.

“It’s still a bit early to call it a night, how ‘bout we play some games?”

Eggsy started setting up the table for a game of flip the cup. He divided the remaining guests equally into two teams. It was intense. Everyone seems to manage to flip their cups after one try, only the ones who've already had too much to drink were the ones who struggled. An eruption of laughter and cheers filled the room.

Your team, with the guest of honor Merlin, won the first round. By the third and the last round, everyone's alcohol level had increased and seemed to be failing and laughing at their own failures, making the game harder than it really was. Your team managed to finish first, while the opposing team was left with two more cups. Apparently, some of your colleagues are not all stiff and posh, as was previously assumed. Well, the ones that stayed anyway. After the game, more people decided to head home.

"Now does anyone would like to play a round of beer pong?" Eggsy asked. "Eggsy why don't you play? I'll sit this one out." Eggsy has planned all of this and deserves to have fun as well. He took your suggestion and he paired off with Merlin. Merlin then encouraged his closest friend to play against them, to which Harry surprisingly agreed and chose Percival as his beer pong partner.

It was absolutely entertaining to watch these skilled marksmen play beer pong when they've already had a few drinks, though they're still somehow sharp with their aims. By the second round, they were getting really competitive and really drunk. You were secretly rooting for Harry and Percival to win against your best friend. And to your satisfaction, they did. It was refreshing to see your colleagues having this much fun. It was getting really late and more guests, including Percival, decided to call it a night. After a while, it was just you, Harry, Merlin, and of course, Eggsy who were left.

You were eating a slice of cake when Eggsy apparently has another game in mind. He asked, "Drunk Jenga?" to which you and Merlin replied "nah” at the same time. Looks like Eggsy really did his research in throwing a party. Although this was more of a young adult type of party rather than a posh formal party. Eggsy then suggested “Never Have I Ever.”

You started off with an easy one such as never have I ever got a tattoo. Eggsy and Merlin were also saying casual statements such as never have I ever given a fake name or never have I ever had a speeding ticket. Except for Harry, who were saying things like never have I ever peed in the pool, or never have I ever smoked weed. It was only after a few more series of never have I evers that the three of you started to realize just how drunk Harry Hart is.

The game slowly turned from finding out each other’s little secrets to finding out Harry’s secrets, or things he wouldn’t normally share when sober. Whether he drinks or he doesn't, one of you asks him further about it. Harry was very obliging and he answers each question to the best of his abilities. Fortunately, he’s still able to form coherent sentences. It went on and on, and Harry had no clue with what the three of you were up to. At some point you started to feel sleepy, and the four of you eventually ran out of things to say.

It was past midnight. You're sprawled on the sofa. Harry was sitting on your right, Merlin’s on the couch, and Eggsy was sitting on the floor. "Okay, okay, here’s the last thing we’ll play. We'll take turns, amongst the three of us, excluding yourself of course. Name who'd you shag, marry, and kill.” Eggsy looks around the group to see if you understood him. "I'll start," Eggsy said. "Bruv, I’d marry you, shag Harry, and kill Merlin. No hard feelings, Merlin."

“Aye, I’d also marry (Y/N). I’m afraid to say I’d rather kill my best friend than shag him, which leaves you Eggsy.” Merlin said. "You’d shag me, eh?” Eggsy playfully winked at Merlin and everyone laughed. "How ‘bout you, (Y/N)?”

“Sorry Eggs, I’m with Merlin on this one, I’d have to kill you. I’d shag Merlin, and I’ll marry Harry. Not just because it rhymes.” That earned a chuckle from the group.

“How about you Harry, who’d you shag, marry and kill?” Merlin asked him.

“Merlin, it’s mutual, I’d have to kill you too. Your genius can be a great threat to this world. And I'd shag (Y/N), and also marry (Y/N).” Harry said.

Hearing that seemed to snap you out of your sleepiness and drunkenness. Harry just drunkenly confirmed Merlin's suspicions. "Bruv, that's not how the game works, you —" Eggsy stopped when he realized what just happened.

When Harry drank to never have I ever fallen in love, you just chalked it up with him being drunk. Since Harry has once admitted that he has never experienced companionship, you simply assumed the man hadn't also experienced falling in love with someone.

And now you realize Harry's kind and subtle sweet gestures towards you wasn't a figment of your imagination just because you adore the man.

The silence was interrupted by Merlin, "Eggsy, I think we should start cleaning-up." Leaving you with Harry to talk about what happened.

The two of you sat in silence. Unsure where to start.

"I like you, (Y/N), very much." Harry had too much liquid courage and he started to admit his feelings. "I know you might think I'm sad, and old, and that's gross. And I'm sorry, but I couldn't help it, being close to you, seeing you almost every day, I was feeling these inner stirrings whenever you're near, whenever you laugh, whenever you smile. You’re amazing, you’re smart. You’re someone I never thought I’d need... you’re all I want... and I, I... I just...” He trailed off.

"And you're a cute blabbering mess, Harry. I'd kiss you right now if you weren't so drunk." You replied

"You?... You would?" Harry wasn't sure if he heard you right. You took his hand and assured him, "yes, I would kiss you." Harry started leaning in to you slowly, you saw him close his eyes and then he fell asleep. You laughed a hearty laugh and it was heard all over Eggsy's flat.

"Well, someone's having fun." You heard Eggsy shout from across the hall. "Man down!" And you continued laughing. You let Harry sleep while you helped them clean up the place.

Once finished, you tried to wake Harry up. It took a few attempts before he started to stir. "Come on Harry, I'll take you home." He groggily responded with "really?" "Yes, you silly, you need to go home."

Merlin offered to help you, seeing as how Harry is taller than you, and drunk. It wouldn’t be easy to put him in a cab or take him upstairs to his room.

“Bruv, don’t take advantage of Harry while he’s drunk.” Eggsy jokingly told you before you left.

Once you and Merlin managed to put drunk Harry in bed, he said thank you and "(Y/N) please don't leave." You squeezed his hand and gave him a kiss on the forehead, "I won't."

"Thank you Merlin, guess I'll just crash on his couch." "Thanks to you too, (Y/N), the food was amazing. And don't tell Eggsy, I kinda knew. He wasn't very discreet with his plans." "Yeah, I had a feeling. Let's not break his heart." Merlin chuckled. "Thanks again, and good night."

You took the liberty of raiding Harry's closet for some pajamas and a blanket, and found a notepad by his desk.

"Harry,

As promised, I didn't leave. I'm downstairs if you need me. I also took the liberty of raiding your closet for something to wear. And I would also be raiding your pantry for breakfast, or I may have already done so by the time you're reading this.

P.S. I like you too, very much.

- (Y/N) "

#Harry Hart x Reader #Kingsman Imagine #Fic Request #Kingsman Fan Fics

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alwaysalreadyangry · 4 years ago

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Charlotte, I've wanted to get into poetry for a while but haven't really known where or how to start, mostly because I have this kind of maybe weird tendency to rush through poems like I'm gulping down water. Curious how one actually like, reads and enjoys a poem; would love to hear your thoughts on reading and reception. Also I'm looking for lush, angry, queer, weird poems filled with longing, and would love to hear any suggestions or recs you might have!

ooh this has been really interesting to think about!! have been rolling it around in my brain for a while.

so, first off, a disclaimer: i don’t necessarily think i am a great or even a very good reader of poetry a lot of the time, and that’s fine -- if it’s worth doing it’s worth doing badly, etc. i am easily distracted and i tire out quickly and my magpie brain will focus on like, the language of a poem to the detraction of all else, and unless i’m being paid to write about a book or a poem or something then i don’t think reading in a way that feels wrong or inadequate is a problem on its own. sometimes i just enjoy quickly skimming for the language, and that’s good, that’s fine.

BUT for wanting to read to get more pleasure from poetry: i tend to say to read it like this the first time if that comes naturally to you, as it often does to me. skim, read it through without paying attention to the narrative or syntactical structure, but instead just looking for anything that makes your brain sparkle -- for me it’s going to usually be imagery and/or sound-patterning. see if there’s anything that makes you curious enough to dig in, any lines or sentiments that you like on their own. the surface-level or immediate pleasures with poetry are great and often what makes it worth digging down into the other stuff.

then, if you want to dig into a poem, it’s time to re-read! this time i’d recommend reading with closer attention to the most straightforward level of narrative or meaning: what is the poem most obviously saying? i am not someone who subvocalises, and sometimes my instinctively fast reading speed makes it hard for me to actually do this if the poem is at all playing around with language. in that case, it helps to read out loud, and to only move on from one sentence or stanza (or whatever unit of meaning the poem is using) once i have figured out what it means on a semantic level. depending on the length of the poem, once you’ve figured out as much of it as you can or care to, i’d recommend another quick read through to try and consolidate all of that in your mind.

then -- well, then you’ve kind of got the basics and the stuff that you’re interested in, and it can be fun to look back at the bits you liked in the first place to see what they mean to the rest of the poem, what they mean in terms of what the poem is saying. it could be that a rhyme or a repeated use of assonance emphasises something... you might find that two words are being linked by internal rhyme that don’t seem to have much to say to one another otherwise. is there any meaning there, in that connection? does it change what the poem says? how does the poem and what it does make you feel?

and depending on the poem you then want to just read again looking for anything else significant. is there a part of the poem you dislike? if you reread looking out for that, can you work out what’s going on there and why you dislike that aspect of it?

this will only work with certain types of poem, admittedly. i like a lot of poetry that is more innovative and abstract, where i have no clue what a poem is saying or doing, but i like the language and the feeling of the syntax inside my brain. so i’ll reread those a few times but don’t really have a semantic framework to get into them. it’s more about the language.

and then there’s visual poetry which doesn’t make use of words but of like -- shapes or the relation of shapes to space, and then it’s just about, idk. how i decide to try and “read” those relations and shapes, which i have no real roadmap for. i often just find myself staring at it like i would visual art, or trying to somehow reenact the shapes with my body as i “read” (like when i read a visual poem earlier today that is just a sequence of bells ringing in different directions -- to keep track of it i followed the bell’s movement with my head, tilting it right and then left).

does that make sense? i truly think that we don’t need to understand poetry to enjoy it; that there’s no right way to read or enjoy poetry, and that if we find we’re reading a poem that doesn’t interest us or make us happy, you can just stop. although if a poem makes a reader uncomfortable it can be a good idea to follow this kind of reading pattern to try and work out why! i hope this makes sense -- i’m afraid my answer is essentially just “reread the poems a lot”, but it’s good to go in knowing what to pay attention to each time, even if it’s just “this time i pay attention to what i like” and “this time i pay attention to what i dislike”. my brain needs structure like that because otherwise it is too flighty and sticky and will just roll around one phrase it likes in there for hours.

in terms of poetry recommendations, this is oddly tricky because there’s such an unexpected gulf between UK and US poetry -- i read more UK poetry and while there’s been a big explosion in the amount of interesting & vital queer poetry being published here over the past decade or so, a lot of it is relatively hard to get hold of unless you’re constantly keeping track of all of the new presses publishing pamphlets. so this is going to swing more US-focused but i will see if there’s any UK stuff i can think of too.

so first off, a cheat: i would recommend getting hold of these two big anthologies of trans poetry and having a look through to see if any of the writers grab your attention. hopefully academic libraries will have these or will get them on request? i say, hopefully. there is we want it all: an anthology of radical trans poetics, which came out recently (and i don’t have a copy yet). and then there’s troubling the line: trans and genderqueer poetry and poetics, from 2013. not as politically radical i’m guessing, but still could be worth looking through to see which writers you connect with.

i am drawing a blank on other anthologies right now, but in terms of exploring UK poetry, you can access issues of the zine zarf online here and i recommend it. not all queer but the editor is and there’s a great collection of stuff in there. i also recommend getting hold of their pamphlets as PDFs here, try alison rumfitt and gloria dawson.

second off, these are some poets i think you might like, i will link to some sample poems. mostly contemporary but not all:

dawn lundy martin

CAConrad

jackie wang

robert duncan

jack spicer (PDF)

jay bernard

miriam bird greenberg

sofia samatar

samuel the nagid

vahni capildeo

sophie robinson

frank o’hara

agha shahid ali

i am sure there are many many others i am forgetting but! i hope this is helpful!!!

#answers #poetry

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anxiouslyfred · 4 years ago

Text

Writing Therapy

Summary: Remus got into poetry after searching his soulmates name online. He got into a writing therapy group by accident but the therapist leading it quickly got him registered as part of it. Virgil at least got properly referred to the group

Authors note: I have no clue what group therapy is like, and especially not writing therapy since I’ve never heard of it. This is how I hope it might be done only

/\/\

Remus didn't give a lot of thoughts to soulmates or the name on his wrist. There were far more interesting things to do, like mixing dangerous chemicals and testing out gas masks from yesteryear when he knew how to recreate them.

One thing he did give however was poetry. The day he'd received the name, he'd looked it up online, more out of curiosity for name origins than anything else and learnt about the Roman poet, Virgil. So he learnt poetry in between learning all the slow to kill injuries humanity could inflict or accidentally receive.

His favourite poetry group though was the group therapy with words sessions he'd stumbled into one week and decided to stick around in. Remus had basically heard someone describing dying with wonderfully rhyming and descriptive words and decided they couldn't make him leave. Surprisingly they hadn't even tried to, as soon as he mentioned wanting to travel by sitting on the windscreen of a car he'd basically had the leader signing him up and calling his doctors to inform them of the treatment. When Roman had signed them up for a Doctor's surgery was beyond his memory but it was useful that time at least.

/Virgil gets referred again\

Honestly, Virgil cared less about the name on his wrist and more about the millionth type of therapy Dr Picani was suggesting might help him work past his fears over what could happen each day. That didn't stop his dismissal of looking for Remus from also being a concern in their talk therapy sessions occasionally, but at least Virgil had heard all the comparisons to separated soulmates that cartoons had to offer now. He'd even enjoyed some of the shows.

He'd enjoyed art therapy, and had a breakdown during a therapy that involved acting, specifically play acting a few of the scenes that he was scared of happening in order to find ways he could deal with them. Writing just seemed like it would follow one of those, either get him writing things far too personal and deep for him to ever share, especially in a group therapy session, or just be painting without the chance to use purples and blacks currently.

The real reluctance was surrounding meeting a group of new people all over again and Virgil dreaded it enough he waited, stayed outside of the hall the meeting was in. He knew being deliberately late to his first session was probably a bad idea, but facing the awkward introductions, people trying to make small talk or whatever before it began was worse.

Eventually though he did have to go in, after watching someone in a leather jacket and sunglasses stand for a while talking before someone in a green monstrosity of an outfit leapt into the circle, notebook in hand. There really were no other words to describe the outfit. It was too torn to shreds to be called clothes, while it definitely looked like a one piece, the ruffles and belt could easily disguise it being two. The fabric covering their legs seemed to at one be fully joined like a skirt but also separate to individual legs in their leap.

While they took the attention Virgil had the best chance of sneaking into the circle unnoticed, listening to the reciting that was happening absently while finding an empty seat.

And so I fall, encaptured, enraptured,

Consumed by the darkness,

Tangled in the forces arms,

And suffocated by its weight.

All the time the person had been reading their work they'd been moving, lurching out or pulling their limbs close based on the lines, but once finished they stood straight, bouncing in place as he grinned around at the group. “I'm Remus and this week I've been completely entranced by the black holes and would kind of love to fall into one and quiet my brain for a bit.”

“Sure thing, Gurl, but you're meant to give me a chance to invite people to share anything they've written before leaping up. Sit down already and please, do you have an outfit that isn't going to leave frayed strings all over the floor?” The leather jacket guy must have been the group's leader then, as once Remus was seated again he looked around at everyone, thankfully with his glasses pushed up to his hair now.

“Remyyyy, you know I live for the drama, and it's better for people to know we can write and discuss dark stuff without you jumping down our throats.” Remus whined, but shimmied in their seat, completely negating any complaint to their words. Virgil really wished he could at least figure out the gender of this person, beyond them sharing the name of his soulmate at least.

Remy shook the coffee cup in his hand at them, “Behave for a bit, while I finish off the introduction. Okay, everyone, I'm seeing some new faces here, Babes, so a few things beyond ignoring our drama duke. He turned up one day and just from the issues he spontaneously spoke about we let him stay.” Leaning forward in his seat seemed to be Remy's way to get their attention at least.

“Now we are a writing therapy group, and yes, if you want to copy Remus, well you can have a go, but really we are here to give you methods to help yourself. Some of that will be expressing your feelings in writing, be it poetry, stories or just journaling your day, but the larger part of our sessions is getting you to follow a few steps to reduce your worries. Nothing has to be shared, and honestly if you don't think a method is for you, that's fine. Don't write it down, just write what you like.” Remy nodded, pulling some loose paper and pens out from his bag. “Does anyone else what to share something they've written, or I can lead us through re-framing our thoughts?”

Virgil kind of absently followed the activity, just picking out one thing he'd felt worried about that week. A large part of him wanted to actually reread the name on his wrist again, check that it actually did say Remus despite having long since memorised it.

His thoughts remained, scribbling words down on the page as people started asking questions, or sharing a few things they'd written instead of the exercise. Most of the people who did that specifically mentioned having been around when Remy had shown them the method before, so Virgil guessed there were a few key methods the group focused on to help with negative thoughts.

Currently however he was writing down everything that could go horribly wrong if he mentioned his soulmate being called Remus to the guy in green. Meeting his soulmate was the only positive he could find, but actually speaking that possibility would only give him hopes to be crushed as soon as the laughter came, or worse some dismissing announcement that Remus already knew his soulmate.

Virgil was so caught up in writing the thoughts down he didn't register when Remy tried bringing the group to a close and most of the circle started packing their things away.

The chair next to him deliberately being scrapped closer with a horrible screech did get him to flinch and look up though, finding the very man he was trying to remember likely wasn't his soulmate sat uncomfortably close. “Hi, you crept in while I was reading. I'm Remus and your eyeshadow is cool. Is it eyeshadow or liquid eyeliner? That would be cool for all the designs you could draw.”

“Virgil, and just eyeshadow. Why would I want more attention on – Hey!” He cut off the question when his right arm was grabbed as soon as Remus heard his name. “Don't just grab me dude! I don't know you!” He was yelling, but wasn't doing anything to pull his arm back as the sleeve was pulled up. Virgil just needed an one of the strangers from the group to have an eye on them if this was something bad.

“But you are my soulmate, whether we've just met or not. Besides, being seen out with me, you're guaranteed not to get the attention and can play around with your make-up however you like.” Remus beamed, waving Virgil's arm in the air, while twisting his head to try and read what Virgil had been writing.

Shuffling his notebook closed and into his bag with one arm was awkward but better than letting Remus read all his fears and doubts about the chances of this happening. “Not arguing with either of those things, but you definitely aren't just reading my stuff until I know you more. Let's have coffee or something instead.” He hissed out.

“Can't have caffeine. I go even more loopy and tried to break into the bank for giggles last time some barrista messed up my order.” Remus perked up proudly at his recounting, finally releasing Virgil's arm.

Virgil just flapped his hands for a moment. “Fine then, hot chocolate, park cafe, tomorrow 3pm. Now I'm going to go and try not to panic about you getting arrested over doing something stupid.” He decided, jumping up and hurriedly getting his coat back on.

“I'll be there on the dot, and if there isn't a dot for me to stand on, don't worry I'll bring paints and paper to make one!” Remus called after him, cackling in glee which made Virgil doubt he could have made as terrible an impression as he believed.

#dukexiety #soulmate au #group therapy #remus sanders #virgil sanders #remy sanders #Emile Picani

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hermitcraftheadcanons · 4 years ago

Text

AU Raffle: Cryptid AU!

[COMPLETE]

The result of the random selection was the Cryptid AU! Multiple people suggested this, so I'm looking forward to hearing all the ideas and extensions you guys will come up with. This will be a masterpost collecting them all, and it will be pinned for the duration of the AU.

Original suggestion: "For the Raffle. Cryptid AU. None of the Hermits are truly human and they all are really powerful cryptids that are hiding their true nature. The catch! Every Hermit thinks the other Hermits are totally normal and they are the only cryptid one. Hilarity ensures with everyone trying to explain the extrange things that keep happening "

Some ideas I came up with:

- every Hermit is a cryptid or monster of some kind, except for Grian, who is fully human and completely clueless about everything that's going on (suggested by a previous ask)

- Team ZIT is an investigation group trying to prove the existence of cryptids, but each one of them is subtly trying to sabotage the investigation to hide their own cryptid-ness. None of the three know the other two are also cryptids. Hilarity ensues.

- Xisuma probably knows what's going on with everyone, but he's not saying anything

- Mumbo is doing an absolutely horrible job of hiding that he's a cryptid, but somehow people still don't notice. Iskall is probably the closest to figuring it out.

- VintageBeef has already figured out that Keralis isn't human, but Keralis is bribing him to keep quiet

I hope that's enough to get the ball rolling! Send in your ideas using asks, and I'll put them down here!

If you need ideas about which cryptid would fit best with which Hermit, this list may be helpful.

Anonymous Additions:

- I feel like xisuma should be some kind of shapeshifter

- cleo was brought back to life by a family that loved her very much- or at least, that was what they tried to do. in reality, they brought a completely new soul back in the body of a deceased relative. cleo felt uncomfortable around people who thought she was a different person than she was, so she ran away and eventually befriended the hermits bc she just felt ~drawn to them~. she disguises her bloodless skin and lack of body heat with thick clothes and lots of makeup

- Cleo, of course, is a zombie, but she also has ties to Cthulu that she doesn't really try to hide, but that people overlook all the time. I'm just saying, an avatar of an eldritch being having to be a zombie kinda makes sense...

- Cthulu needed a body, and this kind family was nice enough to supply one! It was kinda their fault really, praying to ancient gods and making deals without reading the fine print. Cleo might feel guilty, but it wasn't on her, not really

- cryptid au: joe isn't a human, but a changeling: a shapeshifting, nonhuman entity that evolved to invade human families like a cuckoo. he has the ability to bend light to make illusions, but he normally just uses his powers to make himself appear human. however he does like to make all lime green things he sees invisible, for the lulz

- What about mumbo being a vampire, it just introduces the idea of so many odd behaviors that the others are just oblivious to

- What if ren is a werewolf(I know it isn't original) and he just thinks of the other hermits as his pack and is therefor very protective of them

- Obligatory Ren is a Werewolf for the Cryptid AU. He is acts like a gigant puppy when he is in wolf form. Nobody questions why sometimes they found a gigant wolf trying to play fetch with them. But nobody is complaining. Everyone talks about it and Ren is just upset because the gigant pupper has never come to see him. Surprise!! Not even Ren knows he is a werewolf

- idk if your still doing cryptid stuff because i don't really know how this works but,, what if everyone thinks that Grian Is Something when he's not. They keep trying to figure it out by asking him weird questions or trying to get him to do weird stuff, but he still stays completely oblivious. And then since Xisuma knows what everyone is, he thinks it's hilarious trying to watch everyone try to find something that isn't there.

- Cryptid au: Doc has made it obvious that he is a cryptid like, he explains it so obviously even an idiot would tell that he's one, But no one has figured out yet. So after the 15th time of explaining things he decides to present how he's a cryptid, by making a goatess.

- For the au, I have 2 ideas for grian, either he is very outspoken about not believing in the super natural, or he very much does believe in the supernatural, either way he unknowingly befriends multiple cryptids and is very confused

- Cryptic AU: Tango has fire for hair, and no ones really questioned as to why?

- What if false was a siren, just because it seems like an interesting idea (my addition: Wels would also make a great siren)

- Stress seems like the type to be an elf, graceful and cheerful, and of course admiring nature's beauty

- What if Impulse was mothman, I like this idea because of the whole team zit being paranormal investigators and they just go looking for mothman on one trip, and Impulse is just standing there probably feeling a bit awkward

- If Impulse is Mothman and he can fly and Tango is like a fire demon that controls fire, is only fair that Zed is an aquatic Cryptid. Maybe related to a lake monster or he is a Sea Serpent

- Yeti Iskall getting used to the hot environment of the Jungle??? Maybe?

- i have no clue how this works but etho is related to ningen in a way (Antarctic sea creatures from Japanese folklore)

- Joe's poems seem to stick in your head, echoing around for hours after you hear them, ringing between your ears. Their subjects vary, but they often seem eerily prophetic, warnings encased in rhythm and rhyme. Sometimes you swear you can hear the soft scritch of a pen on paper, before you realize you are the only one around.

- Wait how the hell would jevin hide that fact he's a slime? Better yet how do the other hermits not put to and to together? Through I think jevin probably wouldn't even bother trying to hide it, I mean he's a huge blob of slime how would you not be able to tell

(my response, summarized) Jevin inhabits a body of slime because that's the easiest way to hide his true form. "Jevin" is a non-physical entity that can possess other lifeforms by destroying their will. He chose a slime this time because it was easy and inconspicuous.)

- Cryptid au: Team ZIT have a headquarters and they all pitched in to commission Etho to make their door bell chime, the ghost busters theme, and afterward interrogated Etho to the ground.

- Doc is not a creeper with cyborneticts. Doc is the AI that came with the cyborneticts and over-wrote the conciousness of the creeper. Figured that making Doc something else would be too dificult so maybe subverting what he is with what we got alredy is enough (like you did with Jevin)

- I am putting this here for vampire mumbo in the au because the thought will not leave my head. It's dark, and mumbo's eyes seem to reflect light very well, his canine teeth seem just a bit too long and sharp, they seem to be stained red,was he always this tall? Something about him seems off, he seems very elegant in this darkness.

- cryptid au: when joe was young, he was ignored so much that he turned invisible. you can still see his shadow but you could look directly at him and not see him there with the best tools. he disguises himself by staying quiet, using text to communicate with the other hermits or by covering himself with clothes and masks so nobody would be able to see his body even if he wasnt invisible.

- For the au I think that Iskall could be a dryad because of his base this season

- Imagine if you will: Tango leaves town for a bit so the team ZIT can't do their "investigations". Impulse gets bored and decided to pretend to kidnap Zedaph in mothman-form. When Tango returns, Zedaph tells him how he almost was kidnapped by Mothman (and is over-exaggerating on every detail)

- What if in the au there is a situation where team zit is in some sort of danger, and so each of them just independently decide that they have to reveal the fact of their cryptid selves, and they just collectivly think,"huh. Okay." And after they are safe, they just talk about it as a group

- Beef is big foot.

- Biffa looks like a robot or cyborg, which one? He won't say. Maybe its because its neither, maybe he's just a walking body with a mind, maybe he's just a suit of armor roaming the world, maybe a spirit or ghost from the past, maybe a mob whose inhabited and pilots the body, maybe he's just Biffa. Only he knows, but he won't say

- Cryptid AU: I’m just imagining zedaph or tango throwing a bell at grian in an attempt to “capture” him under the suspicion that he’s part fae or something at a server meeting

- About Cryptid!Wels, sometimes, when the night is dark and the world is silent, you'll hear it; a soft voice in the darkness. You can't help but listen to it as you get lost in the song, swaying to the melody as your foot moves to the beat. The song gets louder and your feet are more frantic as they seem to take you somewhere. Suddenly, the voice stops singing and so you stop moving, and when you open your eyes you find yourself on the edge of the cliff overlooking the ocean. The siren lurks near

- Doc isnt a Creeper with cybrog parts but a robot made to look like a creeper, that arm and eye? yea just exposed parts from years of just not caring enough. He's waiting to see when someone will call him out on it. So far, only TFC and X but they like to watch how long this will go. Doc isnt even hiding anymore, he loves to mess with Grian by making remarks that imply he's a robot but Grian just can't figure it out

- tbh I love the idea of Joe as a regular human who just acts super cryptic and strange, and has a bit of skill at poetry. others try and figure out what he is, and he's just vibing in a corner, the last one anyone would expect to be the sole normal person on the server

- Cryptid AU. Joe and Cleo as the ‘One Bagel. No!! Two bagels!’ Vine. Joe being the one that asked and Cleo ignoring Cthulhu

- Joe starts sharing different ideas of what he could be, and only Cleo knows (mostly... she's the closest at least). Joe's mystery is a Hermitcraft classic, greeting every hermit except X, who still only has what Joe's told him to go on. He delights in the chaos he causes

- Scar is a poltergeist, he hides it well. One time Grian caught him using his powers, after scar fessed up, in private, they both bring some amount of chaos to the server, but not to much so the ZIT crypt hunters, name in progress, don't know about the chaos, thus not puting the duo in danger.

- Mumbo might be a vampire, but it isn’t for blood (at least, not anymore). Only Grian has come close to figuring it out, and it’s due to seeing how refreshed and satisfied his friend looks after being around 2+ groups of people. If only he would just straight up and ask. - 🦊

- Rather last minute but do you have any ideas of how Evil Xisuma could fit into this? Would he be a shapeshifter as well. A copy of X's true form? A demon haunting Xisuma? Just X's pesky brother? There's a handful of ideas I can't personally decide what would fit best. Maybe none of them at all, who know?

Cryptid Au. Xisuma shapeshifts for fun. Thats how we get Turtle!Xisuma, Beesuma and Stridersuma. All hermits just assume X changes his suit because they have never seen his face so there is no way for them to know he shifts. Also clasic headcanon that TFC is Herobrine and he is just laying low in Hermitcraft after years of going around worlds. Everyone knows the legend about Herobrine but have not connected the dots yet because TFC is just everyone’s grandpa. No way he could be Herobrine.

- @/ivi-prism

- While most might assume that Grian would be a harpy, its actully Scar. He's incredibly flexable in Human form, hes able to manuver his foot behind his head, and moret than once has Cub walked in on Scar with a living fish in his mouth. He never questioned it because "Hey, Vex magics weird."

- Imagine- sytyr Zedaph and Fae Impulse walking in on Willowwisp Tango who,because willowwisps are typically tiny, shrunk in response to panic and is now stuck in a caldron. I think that be hilarious. Just the idea of impulse going-"YOUR A CRYPTID?" while Zed just "WAIT I KNEW I DIDNT BURN THOSE PAPERS!" Which leads into a discussion of ZIT internal sabotage, and suddenly ZIT invesigation changes direction from "Are cryptids real" to "Is anyone else a Cryptid cause this cannot be a Coincidence"

- @/crypticalwitch

- Cryptic AU: Tango can also control his hair, to an extent. He can slick it back, but it still looks like burning embers. It's a bit mesmerizing

- Cryptid AU: Cub was a normal guy, maybe with some weirder interests, before the Vex. "Playing" with their magic too much is what made him a cryptid. So maybe he understands that the other hermits aren't exactly "human". But it isn't his business, and it means they don't question what the Vex get him into, so he just doesn't say anything about it

- Cryptic AU: Team ZIT's strongest evidence for Grian is the fact he's a master with an elytra, especially since he first said he "might use it a little bit" for long journeys. He's flown into a dark hole in a dark wall that's barely big enough to fit him multiple times, with ease, among other risky stunts that would get other hermits killed. The fact there's not much else to go on, besides his pranking zeal only matched by Zed himself, drives them up the wall

- Cryptic AU: when you stay out too long at night, you might start to feel watched. You'll turn around and nobody is there, but still you feel eyes on your back, and the breeze always seems hot and brushes your neck like too-close breathing and a hand. Finally, you catch it: a familiar figure that stands too stiffly, always just too far away to name. Then it vanishes with an airy shriek, and phantoms descend from the stars. Bdubs did always say the worst things happen in the night.

- Cryptic AU: Impulse's smiles are just a little too big. If you look at one too long, you feel as though it's stretching wider and wider, the cheery shine in his eyes twisting into a hungry gleam, but then you blink and he's back to normal ol Impulse and you question if you really saw anything. That time you saw his smile glinting in the darkness just beyond your bed must've been a nightmare. Your imagination.

- Cryptic AU: Don't look into his eyes. Look in, and you will see the universes. Billions of stars, trillions of futures, all impossibly swirling together, hauntingly beautiful. You'll fall down, down, down through the glittering spirals, until with a breathtaking snap you're on your knees, on solid ground. You're lucky he doesn't want to keep you, like others might. The lives and worlds you glimpsed will echo through your mind, weave through your dreams. Do not fear. Do not look into his eyes.

- The mountain is his territory. If you enter it unbidden, he will ensure you leave, lucky to keep your life. His contraptions are nonsense, seeming to serve no purpose other than to confuse. They distract from how the air crackles on your skin, how it tastes of storms and thunder. They distract how, from the corner of your eye, Zedaph's limbs are too long, fingers with too many knuckles and legs with too many knees. All angles and bones, like his designs. Do not look too closely at his garden.

- Everyone learned not to ask about him. Mostly because in trying to form the question, you'll find the words slipping from your mind. So Tango's hair burns, his eyes are red cherries. In the darkness he glows, the embers of a forgotten fire. His skin is always hot, almost feverish, yet he isnt sick. If he gets too close to lava, the illusion fades, reveals the magma that forms his skin. Illusion? No, that was just a burn. He relishes the smoke and rubble of explosions. Control. Always controlled.

- xB doesn't mind being away from the other hermits. It's quiet there; far enough away that most aren't bothered to prank him. He doesn't like surprises. Surprises get people hurt. Gets his friends hurt. His guardians appreciate the still predictability. The calm. Yes, he prefers to sit back, quiet, and watch. If he looks too long, bad things happen. So he observes it all, never focusing too much on one detail, never letting them go unseen. It prevents surprises.

- Because that last one wasn't all that clear, xB is a guardian-based cryptid! While nothing seems inhuman about him at a glance, he has a close affinity to water, and when threatened the spines he hides with his clothes will stick out. (Guardians only spawn in water, but they actually don't suffocate in air! Though their desperate flopping is a sad sight to behold) Plus, laser-eyes

- Xisuma wasn't always able to change his form as easily or drastically as he can now. But by now, he's forgotten his own face. Now, he'll feel his skin, his body begin to itch with the need to change. He's glad the hermits don't seem to care when he does. Keralis's mimicry was a surprise, but a welcome one. He feels less alone. Loneliness is how he would lose himself. He's scared of that possibility.

- When he sleeps, he walks through the minds of those whose eyes met his, as if it were his own dream. He'll hear their thoughts as if they were his own. He doesn't like this. It feels like an invasion. He feels like a parasite, and maybe he is. Whoever he dreamed through last, they seem exhausted and jumpy after, while he feels energized, near invincible. It's through this ability he knows their deepest secrets, but they aren't his to tell. Sometimes, he wishes he could understand. (Xisuma pt 2)

- Cryptid AU: another reason that Grian cant possibly be a human is his clothes. Just. How does he have something for every occasion. He even has a janitor one? Why did he have that? This "man" doesn't own a single closet yet has at least 20 different costumes-- not to mention you blink and he's changed! Wh- he had a REAPER costume for himself AND SCAR???

- @/basaltdragon

- Cryptid AU: Grian used to be against cryptids because of Sam (YHS) and his bunny attributes, but has since accepted the fact Sam was just a bad apple, and cryptids as a whole are neutral/good.

- Your heart, it beats, like redstone ticking away within you. He knows redstone through and through... so why not you too? Every pulse sent though the machine of your body is one more reason for him to reverse engineer you. But he restrains, takes a step back, as these machines could never be put back together.

- He's been here since the beginning; not of Hermitcraft, but everything. Watching as the game evolved over the years... He smiles at the thought. His hair now matching his eyes - like harsh reflective snow - he recalls these memories fondly. As his eyes fade to their piercing blue, he sighs, for this is home.

- When any of the other Hermits (at least the ones with blood) get injured, Mumbo has to step away. The need for their blood, their lifeforce, is too overwhelming.

- @/12u3ie

- Cryptid AU: with the team ZIT headquarters I thought of something similar to the TEA headquarters from season 3. Probably more confusing, colourful and chock full of even more excessive redstone doors. Why not add another elevator? Where's the coffee machine? Maybe the next room over? Was that corridor there before? I don't know. What's the use of that room? What's behind that door? What's behind you?

- Cryptid AU: with the whole burning hair thing on Tango, another explanation for why no one questions it. That's just Hermitcraft, people just assume he either royally messed up a redstone machine, or succeeded completely, you never know with Tango. Or maybe they think they're sleep deprived. They haven't slept in a while, Bdubs has been reminding them to do so. What were they doing? Maybe they should go home instead. Whatever they were doing can probably be done later. What were they doing?

- @/the-royal-bat-snake

- If joe is a changing then he is some kind of fae folk or as the irish and the Scots call them "the good neighbours" he could like anything, from a human, a small man, like knee height or a small green impish or goblin esque creature. Also changlings were the very old fae folk, not just the babies (humma women were stolen to be nurse maids cus fae folk cant make milk, also stolen to be mistresses) I know a lot of irish faerie lore so if you want to know anymore

- @/whatschooldoesntteachyou

#hcraft #hermitcraftheadcanons #hermitcraft #hermitblr #mod shade #au raffle #cryptid au #hermitcraft server

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chimerical-caracal · 4 years ago

Text

thank you @howmuchismuch and @dramatically-incorrect-doodles for tagging me!! love you both <3

1. name/nickname: right so i have multiple names that i switch between regularly but atm i’m using quintrell with the nicknames q or quin

2. gender: i usually just say nonbinary but genderqueer, transgender, and cadensgender all apply too (and for those unfamiliar with the term, cadensgender is a gender that’s easily influenced by music)

3. star sign: virgo i think

4. height: 5'1 last i checked, tho i sincerely doubt i’ll be growing more anytime soon

5. time: it is currently 8:48 pm

6. birthday: september 9th

7. favorite bands: AJR, bears in trees, and lovejoy (their ep just dropped go check it out if you haven’t already!!!!!)

8. favorite solo artists: wilbur soot and derivakat tho there are probably more i’m forgetting rn

9. song stuck in my head: primarily one day by lovejoy but all the other songs on the ep are living rent free in my head rn too

10. last movie: i’m not sure... i think it was shrek honestly ksajnfksa

11. last show: i think it was either queer eye or worst cooks in america? most of the tv shows i watch are either cooking shows or cartoons with a couple exceptions

12. when did i create this blog: fuck if i know, it’s gotta be a couple years at least?? i don’t even know where to check that lmao

13. what i post: just whatever shows up on my dash; this blog is a trash heap and i the humble raccoon that sits atop it

14. last thing googled: “wilbur soot merch”; i probably can’t get any because it Costs Money but i can look at it and dream

15. other blogs: @ender-chimera is my minecraft / mcyt sideblog, @oodles-and-boodles-of-doodles is my art / doodle sideblog, @handinhelpinghand is a sideblog for signal boosting any donation posts i come across, and @archaic-orison is an aesthetic sideblog for unsettling / creepy stuff (explore that one with caution, i don’t have a tag system set up for that one yet). i do have a couple more but i don’t really use them anymore; these are all the active ones

16. do i get asks: no but i really wish i did lmao

17. why i chose my url: wasn’t happy with the first couple urls i had for a couple of reasons so i rebranded by mixing one of my favorite words (chimerical) with one of my favorite animals (caracal). it’s especially nice because it rhymes and it’s got alliteration which are 2 more of my favorite things lol

18. following: 148

19. followers: 144 (tho i will note i haven’t gone through and cleared out the bots in a while so that number’s probably inaccurate)

20. average hours of sleep: i’d say around 9 or so, maybe 10? but my sleep schedule is Awful; these past couple weeks i’ve been going to bed around 5 am and getting up at like, 2-3 pm and i don’t think that’s healthy sjndfksaj

21. lucky number: idk if i really have a “lucky” number per say but my favorite number is 6

22. instruments: to varying degrees of success i can play the trumpet, french horn, mellophone, piano, ukulele, and bass guitar, the last of which i Just started working on. i would also like to learn drums and cello at some point if possible

23. what am i wearing: black sweatpants and a pink short sleeve t-shirt that has a cartoon spider and sprinkles on it (it’s cute i promise) with a long sleeve black shirt underneath it. i’m also wearing black nail polish atm which i should do more often i forgot how much i like wearing it

24. dream trip: definitely one big roadtrip to see all my friends, both the ones i’ve known irl for years now and the ones i’ve never met in person before

25. favorite food: idk if it has an actual name but there’s this turkey sausage and rice recipe with celery and tomatoes in it that is So Good i love it so much

26. nationality: american 😔

27. favorite song: i don’t think i could ever choose a permanent favorite song (or just one for that matter) but i’ve been listening to lovejoy’s ep on repeat ever since it dropped so i guess those are my current favorites

28. last book read: it has been. at least a year? since i’ve read an actual book. sajfnkasjnfd i legitimately have no clue it was probably something for school

29. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: oooooo that’s a tough one. i’d love it if pokemon were real so i think the pokemon world, and maybe minecraft too? but probably just creative mode specifically because i doubt i’d make it past the first night lmao. and i honestly can’t come up with a third fictional universe rn so i guess that’s it ksjnfdksn

30. favorite color: either mint green or lavender, i can never decide between the two. black and white together as a color combo is also very high up there

and i’m just gonna tag a Bunch of people asjdfksjdn i hope y’all don’t mind @b1rdza, @technosoot, @gardenn-of-eden, @athenixs, @anuninspiredpoet, @starry-eyed-spectre, @resident-floatyhotboi, @mpleleaf, @eclecticqueercen, @raeofgayshine, @galaxywitchwolf13, @awkwardang410, @coconut-cluster

#chimerical comments #ask games #honestly i don't really like tagging people because i don't wanna accidentally exclude anyone #being excluded highkey Sucks and i don't want anyone to experience that from me #but i'm trying to get over that so here we go #if anybody i tagged doesn't want to be tagged in stuff like this let me know

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gyll-yee-haw · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter 1

Professor!Jake x Reader

Series information

Series masterlist

---

I would write you a poem, my love.

(For you - Passenger)

---

You drove home feeling like the most stupid person who has ever lived.

You felt like a child who didn’t know teachers had a life when they weren’t in class.

Like he only existed in your daydreams when you couldn’t see him.

Like he waited all week to come alive to you every Tuesday.

Since when did Mr. Gyllenhaal has children? He never mentioned them.

He’s not married. You paid too much attention to his hands to miss a detail like a fucking golden ring.

This is not the 19th century, though. Maybe he just had a girlfriend. Maybe he was divorced.

It didn’t matter to you. It wasn’t about what you saw, but the realization that he loves or already loved someone else that killed you. And you were so angry at yourself for feeling like that. You had loved other men before him. And he was probably... 10 years older than you? Maybe less, maybe more. But it was pretty obvious he had his own life.

He was nothing but a teacher you were supposed to forget in a few months.

Maybe that was it. You would prepare yourself to lose him as the semester ended, but you weren’t ready to do it now.

When you entered your apartment, you didn’t feel like doing anything. All you really had to do was wake up from that stupid fairytale.

---

When you heard your alarm and opened your eyes, you wished that any kind of miracle had happened and it wasn’t Tuesday. Maybe you slept for 24 hours straight and it was Wednesday already. But you checked your phone and it said it was Tuesday.

Then you thought about skipping class. Only for a day, it wouldn’t hurt...

But what would happen the next Tuesday? And then the next one?

Sooner or later you would have to see him again. So it would be better to just end this quickly.

---

You got to college early to find a seat in the back. If you looked as terrible as you felt, you didn’t want Mr. Gyllenhaal to notice.

You sat there in silence, opening your book at a random page, so you would look busy and no one would talk to you.

“Hey.” Wes interrupted your inner drama after a few minutes. “I almost didn’t find you when I arrived, why are you sitting here?”

“Headache.” You lied. You knew Wes already thought your crush was ridiculous, if he knew all the pain you were going through at that moment, he would probably want to punch you. And you knew you deserved it.

“Well...” He sighed and took a seat beside you when he heard the bell ring. “It’s gonna pass real soon. There he comes.”

When you looked at the door and saw Mr. Gyllenhaal walking in, your heart started to hurt again. So you decided to look at your book, at the floor, at anything but him for the next couple hours.

But you couldn’t help it... you started to pay attention to his clothes, to his bag, checked his left hand again, anything that could give you a clue about his personal life.

And your head started to wonder way too far. You wondered if he ever had his heart broken. How many women had the privilege to be touched by him? What did they look like? Was he a good father? Something inside you told you he was a great father.

---

When the bell rang, you felt relieved. Now you would have an entire week to heal. To forget about him completely.

“Are you feeling better?” Wes asked, grabbing his stuff to leave.

“Yeah.” You lied again.

The class was getting empty really fast, or you were grabbing your stuff really slow, cause silence soon filled the room. You thought there was only Wes and you left, when you heard Mr. Gyllenhaal’s voice say:

“Hey, Y/N. Can I speak to you for a second?”

A shiver ran down your spine. You looked at Wes and he was just as confused as you.

“See you later, then?” He shrugged as he started to walk towards the door, while you mentally begged him to stay. If this all happened last week, you would be beyond excited. But right now, you just wanted to run.

When you realized it was only you and the professor left in class, you grabbed your bag and approached him, looking at the floor.

“Are you okay?" He asked, sounding really worried. “You didn’t seem to be able to focus today.”

“I’m sorry, professor.” You gave him a weak smile. “I’m just tired. But I’m fine.”

“Really?” He insisted. “You sat pretty far from me, but I could see that your book was on the wrong page.”

“I didn’t sleep well.” You felt the shame deep in your stomach.

Shame for both the way you acted in class and the way you acted the day before. Shame to be standing in front of him at that very moment wanting to cry like a woman who had just been cheated on.

He didn’t believe your words. He didn’t fully understand why he felt like he knew you that well, but he simply did. So he thought for a second before saying:

“Come with me.”

You weren’t sure why, but you followed him outside. If he was going to give you a “disappointment speech” or ask you to try harder next time, he would simply do it right there, so what was he going to do?

He led you to the garden near the building's entrance and looked around when he stopped.

“You’re not gonna tell anyone, will you?” He asked laughing a little.

You had absolutely no idea what he was talking about. He didn’t know what was going on inside your head at that moment. You just wanted to push him away screaming YOU. YOU. YOU. YOU ARE MY PROBLEM. But you just shook your head.

He opened his bag and started looking for something. When you saw a pair of scissors in his hand, you swore you couldn’t get any more confused. He used them to cut a rose from the garden.

“Come closer, let me show you something.” He smiled and you approached slowly. “Give me you hand, but be careful.”

You offered him your hand and he gently placed the rose on your palm. Your eyes met his as he did that and you melted, wondering if he ever showed up at someone’s house bringing them flowers.

“Today I was telling the class about the challenges of teaching Botany.” He told you. “Did you hear that part?”

“I-” You tried to remember, but you really didn’t hear a word he said that day. “I’m sorry, I don’t think so.”

“It’s fine, I’ll tell you now, then.” His smile never left his face, and he was talking to you the sweetest way he could. “We grow up listening to music and reading poetry and if there’s something artists like to talk about is flowers, right? Maybe that’s why we don’t pay attention to other structures that are just as beautiful... well, at least for me.”

You chuckled and it warmed his heart. He knew there was something bothering you that day and he was glad he could get your mind out of it for a minute.

“And it also makes people call those structures by the wrong name.” He continued. “For example, we only think roses have thorns because society believes ‘prickles’ isn’t a poetic word.”

“So... today’s class was a manifesto against social conventions? Sounds interesting.” You joked. He really made the atmosphere a little lighter. “Let’s be real, there aren’t too many pretty words that rhyme with prickles.”

“Okay, the poets are forgiven.” He laughed. “But my students don’t have to rhyme during the tests.”

“Good point, sir.” you shrugged.

“Please, just call me Jake.” He asked.

“Jake.” You nodded. It sounded silly, but it was some kind of new intimacy for you not having to treat him with formalities, even though you knew he never liked them anyway.

There was a moment of awkward silence and you tried your best to keep your eyes on the flower, because you could feel that his were on your face.

“So...” He cleared his throat. “Like I was saying...”

He proceeded to explain the difference between thorns and prickles. You really tried to pay attention this time, but your mind drifted away and focused on the way his hand softly brushed yours as he tried to show you the things he was talking about, using the rose in your hand. You also couldn’t stop wondering why he was doing all this. He had just said all of that in front of 50 students, but he realized that one of them wasn’t listening, so he decided to do it all again. It would be so much easier to not fall in love if he wasn’t so good to you.

“I mean...” He interrupted your thoughts. “I couldn’t give you all the details I mentioned in class earlier, cause I don’t want you to lose your entire break, but I hope it helped.”

“Mr. Gyl... Jake.” You were still not used to this new intimacy. Or at least, what you wanted to believe was intimacy. “I honestly don’t have words to thank you. But you know you didn’t have to do this.”

“Can I be honest with you? About the reason why I did this?” He sighed. Your heart started to beat faster, even though you tried to keep your expectations low. “I know many people are in my class exclusively for the credits. So, I don’t really care if they learn something or not, it’s their choice. But I know you’re different. I enjoy reading your essays. You’re very creative and perceptive. You know... there’s like... a group of 5 or 6 students that I would love to work on a project on my lab with. And I can’t have the number one of them missing a single detail.”

His number one. If only he knew how badly he was hurting you by saying nice things. You had to hold back the tears and decided to hide your emotions behind a joke:

“So... what am I supposed to not tell anyone? That you stole a flower from the garden or that you have a ‘number one’?”

“I guess we have two secrets now.” He laughed. “See you next week, Y/N?”

You nodded and handed him the rose.

“Keep it.” He smiled. “I can’t keep any evidence of my crimes.”

With that, he put his scissors back in his bag and walked away after giving you one last smile.

You looked at the rose and felt a single tear rolling down your cheek. It was so unfair to be special to someone for the “wrong” reasons. You knew the reasons you wanted to be special to him for were the actual wrong ones. But you would let him torture you with his own reasons forever.

---

Taglist! (Pls let me know if I forgot someone, I'm not a very organized person... or if you still want to be added!)

@lady-evans @shay-vaughn @sogothiamdead @paosesposts @baby-haz @billyspotato @gyllenhaalstories @lexie-wayland @gaymysterio

#jake gyllenhaal #jake gyllenhaal x reader #jake gyllenhaal x you #jake gyllenhaal fanfic #jake gyllenhaal x y/n

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writing-the-end · 4 years ago

Text

LoL Chapter 38- Potions

Masterpost

A Wizard Hermits tale (AU, designs, ideas belongs to @theguardiansofredland)

Redland, the capitol city of magic, where the hermits hope to gather the supplies they need if they hope to survive the Hangman’s Playground. While Etho and Stress are gathering potions, they meet unlikely allies- with closer ties than they expect.

______________________________

Redland stretches to the sky, the quirky nature of magic on full show even in the architecture of the city. Towers peaked with rotund pinnacles, painted bright and distinctive colors. All levels of the city are full of the bright, baubled roofs. The main street and busy sections of the city are perfectly manicured, hedges with vibrant flowers and verdant greens, but when the hermits look down calm alleys and quiet streets, nature has settled against the brickwork and grown between the cobble, nature filling in with it’s own eccentric accents.

The hermits wander through the city, an eclectic town full of wandering walkways, silent speakeasies, and unique universities. The schools of magic sit across from each other, students of offensive magic having lunch with students studying performance arcana. Bright banners wave in the breeze. Shops are full of any and every kind of item, a bazaar of the magic and mundane. Some shops boast large inventories, enchantments made enmasse and sold to large crowds- glamors were a favorite. Others host the antique and unique. No rhyme or reason what they hold, useless lamps next to powerful staffs.

TFC turns to Xisuma. “Can you divvy up the gold? We can cover more ground finding supplies for our mission if we separate.”

“What I wouldn’t give for that sky kid’s magic right now.” Xisuma sighs, digging out the gold and handing it off to various groups of hermits.

Stress and Etho glance at one another. “I think we’re gonna look for some potions firstly. If we go to the alchemy academy, I’m absolutely positive we’ll find somethin’.”

“And if not, we can… convince a student to help us get what we want.” Etho pats his back, feeling his kusarigama tucked in his light, silent material.

“Don’t forget to ask about the ingredients!” BDubs shouts as the two walk away, towards the bright green and yellow tower that holds the school of potion brewing. “Silvershade is not the same as Shadesilver!”

Stress shakes her head, and challenges Etho to a footrace through the city. He accepts with a grin, and they take off down the main avenue. She laughs, feeling a sense of freedom in how strong the magic is in the city. Redland embodies everything magic is. It’s natural, it's eclectic, it’s bright, it’s unique. And every flower blooming in between the cobblestones, every shop full of mysterious wares and magical amulets, is full of that spirit.

She turns her head, calling back to Etho from over her shoulder. “I’m gonna win, try an’ catch me!”

From beneath the midnight blue mask that covers Etho’s nose and lips, a coy grin appears. He’s given Stress the lead, only to shock his friend when he wins. His mismatched eyes glimmer with mischief, and he turns. Running straight into a tree.

Straight into a tree’s shadow. He leaves the plane of existence, and skids on his feet as he enters the shadow realm. Grey, calming mist dances through shadows, and his feet tapping through puddles of water across the floor. In all the time he’s spent in this realm, he can never truly understand it. He doesn’t know why it’s so misty, impossible to see more than a few meters in front of him. Or where the mist comes from, dancing in the darkness. Why it’s damp, like a rain had just occurred. He’s never seen it rain here. He also has no clue why it smells funky in here. Like a wayward explosion matched with rotten fish. Is there even anything more than a puddle around here?

No matter. Etho’s winning this race. He takes off in the direction he and Stress were running, feeling himself pass through buildings, hedges, even people in the other realm. It’s a tingly feeling in his belly. Once he’s sure he’s made it to the alchemy school, he casts his magic, tossing it in front of him to reenter the mortal realm.

He passes right through it. He stumbles and crashes to the floor, not so ninja-like. “Dammit, no not now!”

There’s no discernable shadows for him to jump through. The sun must be tucked behind a cloud. Too big a swath of darkness for him to use, too general. He paces, tossing a circle with every turn of his heels, running through each time. He did this to beat Stress, being a badass and a bastard. He specializes in that delicate balance of the two. But instead, he’s stuck in the stinky shadow realm, and worse he lost the footrace.

His spell casts again, but when he walks through this time, he’s met by the blinding bright light of the sun. And Stress’s gleeful cackle. “You cheated! None of that magical stuff!”

“What does it matter, it didn’t work.” He states, but he’s smiling all the same. Etho runs his hand over his white hair, tugging it away from his face so he can see the alchemy tower in full. “Should we check the shops first? What are we even looking for?”

“Queen Erlea said we’re gonna need some healing potions and deterrents for the forest. I can assume mental and emotional potions are in that category.” Stress counts along the street full of potion shops, before spinning around and letting fate decide where they search first. A bright green shop, the window filled with potted plants and chaotic cats. Stress squeals at the sight of the kittens and bolts to the shop. Etho follows behind, grabbing the door before it can slam back to it’s jamb, without disturbing the sunbathing felines.

They peruse this store. And the next. And the next. Finding healing potions was easy, and with Etho’s aggressive bartering they’re even discounted. Bottles of bright pink liquid, bundles of travel sized form- gummy chews easy to pop into one’s mouth-, and tiny tinctures full of potent life saving potions.

But no matter what store they enter, how many times they ask or persuade, no one sells mental potions. Some say they’re pseudomagic, others that they’re too hard to create. And after being kicked out of another alchemy shop, Stress and Etho are sitting on the sidewalk, bouncing ideas across each other.

“Maybe we don’t need them? Maybe the others will find supplies that can do the job?” Etho offers.

“Or perhaps we can search Joe’s library to find something else.” Stress flops back, ignoring how she blocks the sidewalk as she stares up at the sky. “Where can we get mental barrier potions but Redland?”

“Why not try making them ourselves?” Etho looks over, gazing at the Alchemy tower. “I bet that school has every book, ingredient, and setup ever invented. We’re clever and smart, we’re hermits after all. If no one makes them, we’ll make them ourselves.”

Stress reclines up to her elbows, squinting her eyes. “Yer right, Etho. Think you can get us into one of them potion rooms of the school?”

“Do I think I can? I know I can.” Etho snickers. They walk through the open doors of the school, bustling past students young and old, human or kipling or insectia or even bacca, boy or girl or otherwise. Etho pulls down his mask to fit in with the crowd, though his hair always sticks out. Stress keeps close to him, glancing around the halls. For a second, she swears she sees someone looking at her, but she ducks her head and keeps moving. They turn a cornerl, following the signs for potion labs. Listening for one room to be empty. Etho stops at the doorway of one. Closes his eyes, and walks through a shadow.

But he returns from where he entered. “No, no it’s all dark in there! Why don’t they have anything boiling, any lamps or anything! What kind of lab is this?”

“My lab, and what do you plan to do with my laboratory?” A strong, clear voice cuts through both hermits like a knife, and they both freeze. Maybe if they don’t move, the voice will move on. But instead, another voice rises up.

“You’re hermits, are you not?” A younger, sharp voice drawls. “I was told about you. Didn’t expect two of you bitches to be sneakin’ into my professor’s lab.”

Etho makes a bolt for the nearest shadow, but he passes right through the shadow and back into light. Stumbling down the hall, he’s dragged back to the professor and student combo, while Stress is turned around to face them. Etho taps his fingers. “We were just… looking around! Trying to find the bathrooms.”

The student looks up at the professor, eyebrows rising from a serious face. He nods, clasping his hands behind his back. The student grins, tucks a lock of black hair behind an elongated ear, and snaps her fingers.

“We’re sneakin’ inta the lab to make potions!” Stress claps her hand over her mouth. She didn’t mean to say that. Why did she say that? “No one makes what we need to enter the Forest of Memories!”

“The Forest of Memories? Red said you were batshit crazy, but that…” Etho picks up his head, vaguely recognizing the name.

“Well, you could have just asked for my keys.” Sylaeus shrugs, producing a ring full of mismatched keys and dangling chains. “Selene, be a dear and get these two my Encyclopedia of Potions. I’ll start up the burners.”

Shock registers on both hermits faces, but Selene dutifully saunters down the hall, turning and entering a large door in the passage. Stress walks into the lab, admiring the collection of jars, half finished potions, and ingredients kept in the room. But Etho no longer has the inclination to enter. “Why are you helping us? We just tried to break into your lab.”

“If you need a potion that badly that you would try to break into my office, you must need it for good reason. Adventuring into the Forest of Memories is one hell of a reason at that.” Sylaeus ignites a flame beneath a long, complicated series of funnels, tubes, and flasks. He tempers the flame, fire glimmering of his intense gaze. “Besides, it means I get to teach more about potions.”

Selene returns with the book, hefting a tome as large as her torso and twice as thick. “So what the hell kind of potions are you guys going to make?”

“Potions that will negate our fears and dampen the effects of the forest?” Stress tries her best to repeat what Queen Erlea suggested. “Maybe some repel potions as well?”

The long eared mage hauls open the book, flipping through the pages with intense, glaring eyes. She stops, turning it around for Etho and Stress to see. “You had to request the most difficult potions to fucking make. It’s a damn good thing I spent the past month gathering more than enough supplies for you to use.”

And with the guidance of Sylaeus and his student, Etho and Stress get to work. The careful art of alchemy came naturally to both hermits- Stress’s attention to detail let her see exactly when the right shade of amber for the potion appeared, while Etho’s perceptive training and patience guide him through finding just the right mixture of Silvershade and shadesilver. Even Sylaeus complimented his new students on their fine work.

“While we’re waiting for the mixture to cool, would either of you like a drink?” She waves her hand, and four cups appear before them. The professor grins, swiping a drink and guzzling the never ending cup down.

“My student’s finest mixture.” Sylaeus grins, patting his apprentice on the top of her fluffy, long mane of hair.

“Is it a healing potion?” Etho questions. “Or maybe a stamina potion?”

“Lemonade. Sip sip bitch.” Selene retorts, deadpanned.

“Miss Selene, are you a multi-mage? You used telekinesis to drag Etho back before, but now you used summoning magic.” Stress takes a drink, shocked to watch that her cup is never ending. “A-and some kind of spatial magic?”

“Selene here is my best student for more reasons than one. Not only can she brew better potions than even master alchemists, but she also spent years studying magic until she gained power of her own.” Sylaeus sees the confusion on the two’s face, and lets Selene fill them in.

“I was born without magic.” She states. “It’s rare, but it happens. I wasn’t ready to give up on myself yet. I spent days and nights, studying every book I could get my hands on, watching the other kids use their magic. With enough time and dedication, I found the power within myself. Whatever magic I study, I can create.”

Stress has tears welling in her eyes by the time the story is over. “What a lovely tale, an’ look at you now! All that persistence and never givin’ up paid off!”

“I’m sure Selene could have lived her life without magic, or have chosen a darker route to gain power. But it’s her own magic, and she’s a proud S-Class wizard!” Sylaeus beams like a father, a teacher proud of his student.

The potion behind them starts to rapidly shift colors, and all four descend upon it to add the last ingredient- prismarine shards shed from a guardian. Etho wonders where Selene got such a prized ingredient, something most kiplings aren’t willing to part with.

In a puff of smoke, the potion stabilizes. Selene corks the bottle, writing in scrawling handwriting of it’s intention, and hands it off to Stress. She also guides them out, an orb of soft white light guiding them down the halls of the academy.

Etho’s reminded of one other person who had seemingly unlimited types of magic. “You know… Magistrate Dolios claims to be a multi-mage, but his magic is a lot like yours.”

“Watch it, asshole.” Selene growls, opening the door and letting them out of the Alchemy tower. “I think we both know that the magistrate lies about everything. Perhaps that includes how he got his magic.”

#hermitcraft #light of lairyon #lol #hermitcraft au #hermitcraft fanfic #wizard hermits #wizard au #wizard etho #wizard stress #wizard selene #wizard xiumsa #ethoslab #stressmonster #xisuma

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popculturebuffet · 4 years ago

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The Loud House Valentine’s Day Double Feature (Back in Black and Stage Plight) or My My My Once Bitten Twice Shy

What is up my Loudites? And while I am returning to the Loud House I do have some sad news to get out of the way first.. i’m ending regular coverage of the Loud House. I don’t like doing this.. but when I picked up the show, I didn’t really have a set schedule.. and that was a bad thing as I didn’t get nearly everything I wanted done. Now I have one and honestly it’s been great: it allows me to stay focused and if I end up not feeling what I was going to do that day, provided it’s not a comission or specfically needed that day, I can swap things around a bit easier.

The reason I bring this up is Nick’s way of scheduling means I CAN’T reasonably put the show on the schedule. They often don’t announce airdates until the wee before, which isn’t a bad thing WATCHING, and isn’t unresonable for a children’s network. But for someone who likes to have a concrete schedule at the top of the month, still flexable and able to make changes if they come up but at least some idea of what i’ll be doing and when, that’s a non-starter, as not knowing when a show’s going to be there or not really messes with things. In contrast Disney puts up their entire programming schedule for next month towards the end, so I know if a show’s coming back, and thus that it’ll probably be around for next month’s too. And if it goes away a week earlier than expected then super I have that space for other sttuff. But I just have too much other stuff, paid and on my own time, to keep friday’s open in perpetuity.

I will however still reviewing the show infrequently as I still love it, Season 5 will probably have plenty of episodes I want to talk about, already it has Leni running for mayor which sounds like one of my wonky spinoff ideas and I love it all the more for that, and ther’es tons of episodes I have and haven’t seen to dig into. So like Lori I won’t be in the house on a daily basis but i’m still going to show up a lot. I already have an April Fools special planned, as well as a retrospective ready for some time in the future. And of course if more Sam and Luna episodes show up, you know i’ll be on those as fast as humanly possible so yeah not leaving the show.. just not coveirng it because I like having some control of my schedule, it’s a thing with me.

Good then we can get to why your ACTUALLY reading this unless you’ve already scrolled past or scrolled up to this. Next Sunday is Valentine’s Day, and so to continue Valnetine’s Shenanigans on this fine blog, i’m doing some romantic style episodes of the loud hosue for you. I did intend for this to be bigger, but frankly i’ve been running behind on reviews and running out of steam lately, so I paired it down to the two I wanted to do most. So for today we’ll be covering two of the show’s couples: One they badly need to bring back and I question why they haven’t, and one that I feel has gotten a lot of flack for things that aren’t it’s fault. Both are really adorable so expect some awkward blushing, bats, blood, and other stuff rhyming with B under the cut!

Back in Black: So we begin our double feature with Lucy

Yeah I have not covered this adorable harbinger of death enough on this blog, and intended to do this one, among other lucycentric episodes back in october.. and the fact I didn’t is a good argument for why I have a schedule now ain’t it? But sometimes your plans not panning out right at the exact time you planned them works out for you. Not getting to do Plan 9 From Mission Hill during Pride Month meant I got to do it on comission later. And not getting to do this one at Halloween means it still works fine just fine for valentine’s day.

So we begin the episode with Lincoln working on his science project, with Rusty coming over to help.

Shockingly though not only is he not just taking a nap or hitting on Lincon’s sisters while Lincoln works but actually helping, he’s actually good at it. I’m as suprsied as you. Though this is early in his characterization, so he hasn’t’nt been established as horribly sucking at everything or his friends being done with his bullshit QUITE yet. Give him time. This is an interesting moment in the character’s history though, as it’s the episode that firmly establishes him as a close friend of Lincolns. While he was already turned from a member of a random violence gang to LIncoln’s buddy in the span of season 1, this episode cements him as one of his closer pals simply by him coming over and the two being fairly familiar with one another. Granted by that same token Girl Jordan should be in the group.. and I have nothing to add to that. Add Girl Jordan to the Lincrew. Just do it.

Anyways Rusty brought his brother along. And you’d expect me to be terrified as there’s now three of them. But.. nope I like Rocky. He’s a chill kid and his personality goes together well with Lucy’s as while he’s a more typical kid, he’s still very subdued in his emotions like she is. Also he mentions both parents so my divorce theory.. is honestly still valid as this was three seasons ago and I could buy their mother left during that time.

And yes Lucy’s in love.. and stalking him a bit as she follows him around the house sighing while he wonders who did that.. though it is a nice clue their compatible. When you can sense the presence of someone whose big running gag is showing up out of nowhere to scare the crap out of people that means something. And it’s either that you’d really get that person or your Wolverine. Or one of his kids. Or his clones. Or clones of his clones. What i’m saying is Rusty’s mom banged the wolverine and his family tree is really weird even by marvel standards.

But I do give her a pass as she’s not trying to be creepy or obsessive, she just doesn’t know how to talk to him as he’s your average kid and she’s a creature of the night. It’s just a kid being shy which is very refreshing both because pre-savnio being fired the show had some very messed up ideas about relationships and gender politics at times, the latter of which actually crops up here, and because having grown up with the cartoons of the 90′s and 2000′s.. I had to put up with things like this.

Full Disclosure: I DO ship sonamy.. but only after around Sonic Chronicles, where Bioware and then Sega decided to not make “Constantly harasses sonic despite him clearly not being interested and saying so vocally” and “Obessess over him to a point I worry she’s going to break his legs so he’ll never run away from her again”, as well as aging her up from 12. Still find her ungodly annoying at best and terrible at worst before that point, Sonic CD and Sonic Advance excluded. And yes I am that huge of a nerd, damn proud of it too.

What i’m getting at is that a little girl unable to talk to a guy and only being kinda creepy because that’s what she does is LEAGUES better than “IT’S NOT CREEPY WHEN A WOMAN DOES IT”. Given this episode was written by a woman that probably helped a lot if not entirely but I don’t blame her for that.. more on that later.

Point is she’s smitten but her first attempt to talk goes back as he rushes to leave after she tries talking to him.. and also appears out of nowhere to spook him. Come on man, your better than that. YOu sensed her before why not now? Up your game. But yeah Lucy’s depressed while Lincoln talks to her about it, about them leaving and once Lucy confesses she’s into rocky asks what he’s into. Lincoln.. has no idea as he’s barely been around Rocky. He’s just an average kid he dosen’t quite understand. Normal is the word he uses and Lucy ponders that. We next see the three most traditionally feminine sisters, Lori, Leni and Lola, all pissed someone stole their stuff, though Lori does suspect Lola at first because let’s face it, this fits her MO of being an entitled brat and not being above petty theft. But no the culprit is Lucy who genuinely apologizes and understands that their mad but the other girls are fine with it given the context, which Lucy explained, and are happy to make her over. This is where the problem I was hinting at comes in: ALL the girls are on board with this makeover plan. the problem is.. only the three who came in in the first place make actually sense making Lucy more tradiotnally feminine. Lori loves fashion and is a control freak who has troubles with empathy at times especially at this point in the series, Leni while not INTETIONALLY hurtful is kind of ditzy and thus can miss some cues, and Lola has a yawning starless void where her soul should be. For these three? Yeah this plot actually makes sense they wouldn’t think of Lucy’s feelings and actually help her use who she is to get rocky or tell her it doesn’t matter she’s beautiful as she is.. then presumably bring the wrath of god down on that poor child before things were cleared up. The issue is more dragging the other sisters into it. It only fits the three above to really give a shit about making Lucy more “normal” and “Girly” and “Other stereotypical bullshit”. Luna is very chill and empathetic and would be the first to say “Wait maybe making her the opposite of herself isn’t a good idea”, Luan is likewise empathetic though I could possibly see it she really doesn’t need to be in this plot, Lynn ENTIRELY doesn’t fit as she prefers sports and getting dirty and what not and is the closest to Lucy out of the sisters and thus would probably be the most defensive about her not changing and that could’ve actually been interesting, Lana would be the same minus the being closest and Lisa is coldly detached a lot of the time and wouldn’t care about any of this on a good day. It feels HORRIBLY offensive and out of character to have them all suddenly be “nah your not girly enough”. These girls don’t give a shit about whose more feminine than who and it’s really bad to pidgeonhole them as that. However.. I dont’ blame episode writer Gloria Shen entirely for this. She wrote it, she gets some of the discredit.. but she didn’t DIRECT the episode and a LOT can change from page to screen. No THAT was series creator and known sexual preadator Chris Savino. And i’m not just blaming him because he’s a creepy asshole, but because the seasons he directed, seasons 1, 2 and most of 3, had a bad habit of having episodes where all the girls acted as a group and often to weak ends, like the green house, the one where they all fought, the gender swap episode or heavy meddle.. which is a headache for another day. Point is it doesn’t surprise me he didn’t fix this or even genuinely cared to differentiate them and it’d be until next season where the show fully became an ensemble piece. SO yeah I blame him on this not for his horrible history, but simply because it sounds like his writing style and as director, and a producer on the show, he had the power and responsibility to fix things and did nothing. So if it wasn’t directly his fault in the first place , he certainly didn’t fix it, call it out in storyboarding or well anything. So yeah shared blame all around.

So after a makeover montage, Lucy is uh... well I can’t describe the abomination they’ve created.

I mean.. none of it works, and I think that’s very much the intent, dosen’t make it any less horrifying. Nothing about this is right: makeup REALLY shouldn’t go on a child in any circumstace so the blush on her cheeks is creepy and makes her look like one of those creepy porcelian dolls that i’m 100% sure either are planning to kill us all one day or were made to keep the souls of the damned trapped inside forever. The ear rings just look creepy and again are a bit much for an 8 year old, and the blonde hair just brings it all together. The pink outfit is fine.. I guess but the face is just so unsettling I can’t process the rest of her outfit and i’m not even going to try.

Point is she looks terrifying, and not in the fun way she usually does, and Rocky dosen’t know what to make of this. Oh and if your wondering why he’s here Lynn just.. took a hockey stick to Lincoln’s project to get the Spokes Boys back over here, and Lisa mocked him for pointing out the obvious holes in their plan despite being 4 and LIncoln having a girlfriend at this point. Granted his relationship with Ronnie Anne at this point is also kinda effed up, but given you all pushed him in this direction, Lisa still has no room to talk and they amicably broke up at some point once the writers decided “Let’s pretend like this never happened and they were just friends, despite her being introduced with a crush on him and us still replaying episodes with said relationship in play, instead of actually dealing with this directly”. You may be easily able to guess what hte retrospective’s about at this point. So Lori comes in for phase two .. WITH BOBBY!

Just.. I cannot tell you how much I needed my boy to calm me down after the last two scenes of horribly off character writing and ... that thing up there. He dosen’t do much this episode but every episode is better with Bobby and that’s a scientefic fact. So Lori claims they had a double date fall through which Bobby barely follows along with.. and it does kinda feel pressurey to kinda force Rocky’s hand here but her intentions ARE good, and a group date is a good way to relive presssure. It just ends up falling through becaue Lori wants her to act intentionally helpless, which makes no sense both for Lori’s personality given how driven and controlling she is and how Bobby clearly knows both things and likes the first and she worked on the second for him. So yeah the golf date falls through and Lori apologizes for being a bitch about all of this, as they all do, which again. .has me questioning WHY we needed the whole sister group instead of just Lori and co. Or even just Lori. The show REALLY needed to learn character ballance and while it is struggling on occasion, as seen with how lincolncentric this season has been so far, this episode reminds me it used to be MUCH worse.

But Lucy thanks them because their intetnions were good, i’m going to need a citation on that given it came off as them wanting her to change because they found her weird nad not because they genuinely wanted to help her, and goes off to sulk about being alone. Lincoln dosen’t know what to do till the next day where, again suprisingly, Rusty had the right idea and had them come over to his place. We also find out he’s scared of blood.. which.. I can relate to. Seriously i’ve only insulted the guy once the whole episode

But we find that out because Rocky made his own because he actually found Lucy’s really cool, what a kid. So Lincoln gets the brothers over to his house by damaging the project himself then claming they need to go back and once he sees Lucy’s around has Rocky go into the kitchen to get them some sodas which he agrees to because why not.

So in a nice little change-up on the running gag Rocky shows up startling Lucy and we get a really fucking cute scene as they hash things out. They have a normal conversation, finally getting past their shared awkwardness, in part because he admits he prefers her as herself. As it turns out Rocky wasn’t scared.. he just thought she was too cool for him and felt intimidated and like Lucy had no idea what to say. The two then blush and after my heart melts and I freeze it back into shape in a few hours, the two decide to go look at her coffin collection and the next day proudly show off their perfected fake blood.. which destroys the project one more time. WAH WAH WAH. Oh rusty... I knew I could count on you to fuck up at least once.

Back in Black Final Thoughts: First off Black in Black: Weird Name. I mean it kinda gives the game away, not that fans would thikn horrifying mistake lucy would stick but still, and dosen’t really fit. Call it “Why Do Ghoul’s Fall in Love” or something like that or something related to makeovers. Makeover Mistep. Don’t Make Me Over. Makeover Your Case... okay that last one sounds more like the Legally Blond equilvent of Cobra Kai but the point is it’s just weird. Outside of the parts I already went in detail about why their dreadful.. this ep is pretty good. That one bit isn’t enough to derail the episode, merley take it’s goodness down a notch, and Lucy is genuinely fun to watch and her heartbreak is hard to watch, and Rocky was an engaging new character with lots of potetial. A large part of why I did this episode. is to ask WHY he hasn’t come back. Rusty’s now a major character, to the point he’s co-headlining an episode next week with Zach... why Zach’s getting an episode, a SECOND one at that I have no earthly idea but the point is the show’s getitng comfortable enought heir giving lincoln’s friends starring episodes without him too, as Liam got one , if alongside Lynn the power couple of 2021 I tells ya. My point is, besides when is Stella getting an episode dammit, that Rocky really should make a come back as he both provides another character for Rusty and the rest of the lincrew to bounce off of, and he and Lucy had genuine chemstiry and now she has her OWN cast there’s an easy story there about her friends reaction to her dating a non goth. There’s a lot of story potetial with this precious boy bring him back. But overall Pretty in Black is a decent episode, worth checking out if you haven’t seen it and rewatching even if you have.

Stage Plight: So we open with Luann, whose one of my personal faviorites along with Leni, Luna, and Lucy. Granted I haven’t checked out her yearly bouts of going ax crazy on her family yet, but we’ll see in april. But outside of that, which is easy enough to isee iven it’s three episodes out of 214 where she’s like this and she gets her compuance, I find her precious, awkward, and entertaining, from her habit of saying “Get it “ to her love of puns, to the fact she’s essentially a wholesome version of the batman villian the ventriloquist..

Yeah in case you forgot about this gag, she often talks through her dummy Mr. Coconuts.. who functions as her sounding board and helps her figure things out, talks like he’s from the 40′s or 50′s, and in general is a delight. He also once or twice, including this episode acts of his own free will so I don’t know if this is a Child’s Play situation and a dying comedian put his body in her dummy and she’s just rolling with it, if she somehow put a piece of her soul in a dummy or what the hell’s going on here. Compared to the series recently what with it’s mayoral campagins, children murdering guys, and actualy factual spies, this is mildly sane. MIldly. This may also be a serious and untreated case of Disociative Identnity Disorder, but given it’s not framed that way, and Coconuts just seems to be Luann’s way of talking with herself, for now she has’nt gone full vintriloquist. Thoguh givne her april fools day behavior and her profession as a comedian, she probably WILL become the new joker at a some point.

So the two are talking about Luann’s crush on Benny. Benny was introduced back in L is for Love and is one of the only three love interests there to actually return, and along with Sam the only onen to get multiple episodes about their relationship with their respective loud and a full personality. He was also MASSIVELY hated. For those who joined the fandom more recently, Luann was massively shipped with Maggie, an emo girl who showed up in Luann’s second spotlight episode and one where she didn’t torment her entire family, one I still need to see but have read about. It was pretty cute and nothing was wrong with that or the opposites attract dynamic. But said fans got REALLY and understandibly upset about his introduction and were presumibly none too happy he got to return and got his roll expanded. And I.. genuinely like the kid. I have nothing against Maggie and in fact poly ship her with both Luann and Benny, as both seem like they’d be open to that and her dour demanor creates a nice contrast between the chipper luann and the somewhat chipper but also chill benny in the middle. I just feel he’s a very likeable character, sweet and awkward and very much on Luann’s wavelength. Like Sam he’s SIMILAR to his love intrest, having Luann’s love of puns, mime and the theater, but is also not quite as giggly about it and as I said has a bit more of a chill to him, in contrast to how sam is slightly more energetic to Luna’s near constant calm off stage.

I also like him because he’s voiced by Sean Giabrone, an up and coming voice actor who I first met watching the Goldbergs as Adam. His other biggest role so far has been playing Jeff on Clarence, though he’s currently picked up another lead voice roll as Yumulack on Solar Opposites, easily one of the best parts of that show, and has done othe rminor and recurring work, but I feel he’s got the potetial to have a long and fruitful career in voice acting if he wants it. I mean he’s far from the first former ABC star or former Ron Stoppable to make a long and successful voice career of himself. Be the next will fredle man you can do it.

But yeah I like him and think their cute together and feel demonizing a ship for one that had a low chance of happening isn’t fair, especially when you know, we’re in a fandom where incest runs rampant and is STILL a recurring problem to this day. Pick your fucking battles for god’s sake. As I mentioned you can put maggie in with this relationship or Still ship luaggie regardless.

So back in the episode Luann and Coconuts notice Benny signing up for the school play and decide to join him.

Yeah i’ve noticed that a LOT of school set plots are about one of the mains joining a play to either be near or play romantic lead with their crush, or romantic hyjinks happening anyway. Seriously i’ts a lot. I DID think most of them were around romeo and juliet, and Proud Family, Pepper Anne, and Ned’s Declassified all are probably why, it’s actually way more diverse and i’m happy to give credit to shows and movies for that: Jimmy Neutron used Macbeth (IN SPACEEEEEE), American Dragon Jake Long used Antony and Cleopatra, as did the comic strip Foxtrot (That one I remembered), Daria used the canterbury tales, Arrested Development used Much Ado about Nothing, and one of my faviorite instances is the film Get Over it. It’s a cheesy as hell early 2000′s high school pg-13 comedy, that I loved as a teen and nos nostalgicaly love but am aware it has issues and some stitled acting as an adult where our hero joins the high school play in order to win his ex girlfriend back from the douchebag she’s seeing now and ends up falling for his best friend’s kid sister instead. They do a mid summer’ night’s dream, which is not only awesome SOMEONE thought to use that one , as the film has given me a special affection for the play.. but it’s a cheesy musical version written by the gloriously over acted director of the play played by martin short.

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My faviorite part of it is the boy band style number about Hermia. Yes really. And I didn’t even get into the fact Siquo is one of the main character’s best friends, Kristin Dunst had to reshoot a scene while making the first rami spider-man , our heroes weird parents who are sex therapists and have no real filter AND offer Coolio a threesome on their advice show, and yes the actual coolio and yes that was an actual person that existed, or best of all the douchey rival who stole our heroes girlfriend, whose not only a former boy band member whose band peformed the song love scud, but also threatens our hero with nunchucks at one point.

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Just see this movie.. i’ll hopefully talk about it some day.

Point is this kind of plot is stock.. but it’s the good kind you can do a lot of twists and turns with as every example mentioned, even the ones using the crush thing, had some clever twist or turn. And this one is no exception as we’ll see.

So we meet Ms. Berardo, the schools HAMMY as hell drama teacher who gives herself an entrance and is just wondrously entertaining throughout. She’s played by Grey Delise Griffin, which I could recognize immodestly and man does she bring it. Seriously bring her back. Wonderful character. So our heroine and her leading man audition and in a refreshing change of pace they do not get the lead rolls, instead a modern valley girl and a jock who writes his stuff on his arms do so instead. But since Bernado’s a bit nuts, she decides to have the Montagues and Capulets practice separately despite tha not making a ton of sense, to drive up tension and what not. I mean isolating an actor to drive up tension is a vallid technique but even having not read Romeo and Juliet since high school, over a decade ago, I can tell you they have several scenes together and this is a logistical nightmare. However our heroine finagles her way over to swapping camps so she can talk to Benny since honestly given the whole thing was a way to get to spend more time with him, she might as well quit otherwise. It also.. isn’t a bad tactic. She wants to know him before asking him out properly, which is fair and a good way to go, and they already know each other and are friendly, and it’s something she likes doing anyway as they were both involved with a play in his first appearance and her liking theater makes sense as she’s a comedian, and while she clearly prefers standup, it’s often a natural evolution to go fromt hat to acting in comedy stuff or making your own show, so it’s not a bad idea to learn that side of the buisness too.

So Luann FINALLY gets to talk to Benny.. after fast ball specialing mr coconuts in the way of someone trying to sit down

But we get a really cute moment as the two just.. talk like two dorky teenagers; They talk about the real mimes of la, which I want badly to be a show.. even if it’s just to find out what the Mime from Animaniacs is up to now. Where DID that guy go? Did the anvil finally kill him? These are the kinds of things that keep me up at night.. which is probably why I’m finishing this at 4 in the morning. But the two have genuine chemistry with Luann offering him her banana, phrasing, and making a pun he chuckles at. It’s adorable as all hell.

And Bernardo notices, and since her leads have no sparks she regretfully demotes them.. though their reaction is hilariously realistic as both are just happy to have less lines and walk off. She decides to cast Luann and Benny despite being freshman which would never happen but eh this is a unvierse with a snakebird and spies trying to destroy cherries with a death laser why I do I care two seasons later if two freshman got the leads in the play. Still I love the twist: our hero wasn’t trying to get the lead to creeiply force intamacy or anything.. the two just had natural chemistry and the director noticed that and wants to use it.

But while this should be great.. it isn’t as Luann keeps dodging actually kissing Benny when they rehearse the kiss. The reason.. is really frigging endearing. Luann simply hasn’t kissed anyone before, this will be her first.. and naturally she’s REALLY nervous about having it in front of a crowd or Benny thinking she’s a bad kisser. And I mean... while I had no personal experience at that age in kissing, most media and personal accounts detail it as awkward as fuck. But that’s the irony: she dosen’t KNOW it’s always awkward and thus is putting a ton of pressure on herself like anyone her age.

So she breaks under the pressure despite the reasurances of her Dummy/Possible Sign that she needs therapy and while she finds a way out the next Day Benny has aburbtly quit because of “chess club”.. which he’s not in. Luann finds him and talks to him about it, worried it’s her fault.. and she’s right, though Benny bowed out because she clearly wasn’t comfortable with him and didn’t want to make her kiss him when she clearly wasn’t comfortable with it. What a man what a man what a mighty good man. Luann TRIES to explain.. and then lets Mr Coconuts do it. Which usually in high school would lead to humilating rejection. instead Benny brings out his own puppet Mrs. Appleblossom.

Just those eyes.. black and souless.. like a doll’s eyes.. because htey are a doll’s eyes. So yeah Benny also has a puppet he uses to say the things he’s too nervous to say. Which is endearing even if again , KILL IT. KILL IT. I mean i’ts like tha tone guy from victorious if the puppets were actually charming and one of them looked like it was about to play hide the soul. Mrs. Appleblossom explains that Benny is also nervous and with the air cleared and the two realizing theyw ere nervous about the same thing... the inevitible happens

So that fades into the kiss happening on stage, with Luann’s family cheering her, our heroes take a fookin bow and Coconuts and Appleblossom look on.. and talk somehow...and somehow got in the seats on their own.

Stage Plight Final Thoughts: This episode.. is one of the series best, with great pacing, a low amount of repetition and a relatable conflict, while building up Luann’s love intrest to be a wonderful and engaging guy, and giving us a hell of a guest character and Mrs. Gerardo. This episod eis great, the chemistyr between Gambrone and Pucelli is fantastic. This one is just awesome and worth a look especially if the ship contrversy had hit you hard. It really is good. And there’s always room for benny. Until the next rainbow it’s been a pleasure.

#the loud house #lucy loud #luann loud #benny stein #lori loud #leni loud #lola loud #lincoln loud #rusty spokes #rocky spokes #valentine's day #animation #nickelodeon

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phantomphangphucker · 4 years ago

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Legless On Maim Chap. 10: Epilogue: Aliens, Ghosts, And Humans! Oh My!

Vee’s a bastard, Danny’s a bastard, Eddie’s a bastard, ClockWork’s a bastard, Lewis’s a bastard; everyone’s a bastard. And multiple minor characters say why the fuck not and join the bastardly fray.

Danny sighs and turns his head back towards the kitchen, “Lewis! Come collect your monsterfucker boy toy!”. Eddie rolls his eyes like he’s heard this a fair few times.

Lewis walks over, “Eddie? Really? I mean one, kid’s not healed. Two-”, grinning, “-thanks for winning me a bet”, and side-eyeing Danny.

Danny points at him, “hey, doesn’t mean-”. Eddie doesn’t even let him finish that, smirking, “oh it does mean”. Danny sighs and hands Lewis what he thinks is a twenty though really? He’s kinda amused. Smirking at Eddie, “congrats, first dude to ever figure things out on their own”.

Sam shakes her head grabs everyone but Lewis and drags them out of the house. Lewis shakes his head, sips at his drink, and heads back over to his friends; Danny could handle Eddie.

Eddie blinks as they stop getting dragged by the goth, “are you serious kid? You look nearly identical with the glowy bullshit edited out”.

Sam smirks, “people are stupid and Danny’s a walking existential crisis”, looking to Tucker and Danny, “so much for Vampire Dad 2 I’m guessing?”.

Danny immediately points at them, “no you go, illegally record it or some shit”.

Tucker rolls his eyes, “you just don’t want us around Mr. Murders And Eats People without checking him out”.

Literally both Eddie and Danny respond with, “hey and I’m taken”.

Tucker blinks, “okay that was fucking weird”, while Danny and Eddie side-eye each other. Sam shakes her head and pulls Tucker off, knowing damn well Danny will just become a ball of overprotective.

Eddie shouts after them, “let it be known! We don’t eat kids!”. Which makes Danny wheeze when some dude at a stoplight shouts back at them, “good! I’m supposed to be getting my mom some blue hydrangeas from the goth! Doubt I can get then from a digested corpse!”.

Eddie mumbles, “everyone in this town is fucking weird”, looking to the side, “shut the fuck up bitch”. Which just makes Danny laugh more. Eddie looks to him, “anyway, you smell fucking weird and those are the most convincing fake leg crap ever”, sighing, “no, we’re not taste-testing”.

Danny snorts and kicks a rock as they start walking randomly, “actually totally do, I’m curious and, I’ve got legs for days”, and slides his hand down his leg with mock sexiness.

“Do you have a death wis-”, before going wide-eyed and suddenly getting bodily flung into Danny, “no! I don’t think he’s serious!”, regardless they end up in a bush with Danny muttering ‘ow’ and missing a bit of shoulder.

Danny stands himself up easily -a bush is by far not the worst thing he’s been bodily shoved into- and rolls his shoulder, Vee’s got some sharp teeth. Damn. Eddie untangles himself and staggers up, making some faces and muttering, “that’s it, no Lindor for you”. Danny lifts an eyebrow when a little black oily snake or something just sprouts out of the guys' shoulder, seemingly sneering all teeth, “HE OFFERED EDDIE”. Eddie grabs the head? and shoves them at his shoulder muttering, “back in, bitch”.

Danny starts wheezing as Eddie looks to him, “also you- oh”, turns back to the bush and promptly throws up. Making Danny fall on his ass laughing, so much for can eat anything! Snapping a probably not flattering pic of the guy bent over a bush, captioning it ‘guess who’s inedible’, and throws it in the Phantom chat.

Eddie hacks a bit, hands on his knees. Wiping his mouth, “ugh”, blinking down at the weird black/green bubbling sludge on the ground, that was slightly dissolving the bush leaves, “what the Hell are you made outta, kid?”.

Danny laughs loudly, “death!”. Laughing more at the little black snakehead popping out of the guys' neck and sticking out their tongue at him; he thinks they look either disgusted or slightly ill.

Eddie rights himself and quirks an eyebrow at Danny’s totally healed shoulder, “fuck you heal fast”.

Danny chuckles some more, standing up off the sidewalk and giving his shoulder a little pat, “Lewis lied, I’m completely healed. Family just don’t know. And to actually answer your question, ectoplasm and human stuff too”, pointing at the bush, “but that was probably the ecto”.

“Well I guess I ain’t eating fucking ghosts anytime soon”.

“JUST SPIT DON’T SWALLOW”. Danny wheezes more at the little head and Eddie looks to them, “the Internet was a mistake”.

“BUT WHERE WOULD YOU WATCH POR-”. Eddie smashes them against his skin, “no! He’s actually a minor. And we’re in public, asshole”. Looking to Danny, “how the fuck were you in Egypt though?”.

Danny shrugs, “eh, I’m tight with the god of time”. Eddie blinks and mutters to the side, “fuck me”. Danny chuckles, “no?”, which Eddie actually laughs at.

Eddie looks around, “alright, since someone made me lose my perfectly fine lunch, there a hotdog stand or some shit?”.

Danny snorts, “no clue if you’re referring to me or Vee”, tilting his head, “huh, that rhymes”, smirking, “cool”, looking back at Eddie, “if it’s food you’re after then the Nasty Burger’s the place”.

Eddie tilts his head and shrugs, “eh you made us eat at a place called fucking Flavours Of Negros ‘cause you thought they served people”. Danny decides against commenting on that one for so many reasons.

Danny walks and points in the direction of the place, “if it’s anything, it used to be the Tasty Burger before someone stole the T”.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow, “that explains nothing”.

Danny shrugs, “there was a public vote and adults hated how all the teens loved the place. One mayor even banned teens from there”.

“Oh the stinking rich one that’s definitely shady as fuck and is kinda like you but for some reason is rocking some vampire bullshit?”.

Danny pauses and blinks at the guy, what the fuck? “How the- okay I get how you figured me out, I literally challenged and baited you. But how the fuck did you put Vlad and Plasmius together?”.

Eddie gives a goofy grin, a very smug one, “I didn’t, but thanks for confirming”.

Danny grumbles, “sneaky bastard”, but is smirking the whole time, “how’d you narrow him down to Plasmius though?”.

Eddie shrugs, hands in his pockets, “ego the size of the moon and rich people are always into weird shit”, pausing and rolling his eyes, “babe, we’re an alien/human cluster fuck. We absolutely are one of them fucking rich people into weird shit”.

“There’s a lot of ways I could take that”, Danny tilts his head, “wait, you’re rich?”. What?

Eddie grins like an idiot, “Life Foundation paid me out big for infecting me with a venereal disease- I mean Symbiote”. Danny just watches as the guys' legs seemingly gain a mind of their own and walks him straight into a pole.

Danny shakes his head at the guy not even seeming phased by that. “Well, I got jack shit for dying”.

Eddie points at him, “so you legit straight-up fucking died? Not just falling in a vat of ghost acid like some fucking spooky Joker bullshit, but less ‘murder a bitch in a burning pile of cash’ more ‘I actually think spandex looks good like a damn fool’”.

“Hey, don’t diss the supersuit! That shit’s my skin man”, shrugging, “at least a layer of it. I fucking died in that shit. On that note, don’t walk into giant vortex tunnel portals to alternate dimensions fuelled by four billion volts of electricity built by explosion prone people who leave switches inside stuff and want to punch holes into the afterlife for funsies, science, and a little bit of mild torturing”.

“Huh. Well fuck your life too then kid. Literally”, rolling his eyes, “not that literally. We don’t kill kids and I don’t think we can make someone double dead”.

Danny sticks up a finger, “actually that happens. And I’m only half-dead, motherfucker. Check yer facts”, smirking, “I’m a real dead-ringer for life, and too bad doc gave away my scraps. ‘Cause if I tossed ‘em in the portal I could really have one foot in my grave”.

“I’m pretty sure he’s not supposed to do that- bitch that is exactly why our ass will never be a doctor”, almost looking genuinely offended, “hey, you leave my intellect out of this, you cunt”.

Danny wheezes a bit, does this guy really just talk like this? “How have you not been forcibly admitted to a mental asylum? And no he ain’t but can’t let torture happy gov dogs have my shit”.

Eddie grins wide at that. “You know so I give precisely zero fucks. And nice, fuck the government. I think we’ll get on fine”.

Danny snorts, “oh I have serious beef with the gov. Fuck them. I absolutely have blown up government bases before”.

Eddie nods approvingly and actually fist bumps Danny, “fucking same, and I have enough dirt on people I could ruin their lives if they came after me”.

Danny grins almost menacingly, “the government section that’s here is a literal government secret and completely ignore any and all laws. Wouldn’t put it past them to experiment on child corpses or assassinate the president if he seemed ghost friendly”, shrugging, “Tuck keeps tabs on them, dudes a damn good hacker”.

Eddie tilts his head and nods, “I could use one of those”.

Danny snapping, “not for murder you don’t”.

“You’re too moral”.

“You’re not moral enough”.

Both of them wind up laughing at that since neither actually sounded serious or genuine.

Eddie shakes his head, “anyway, what’d Dan do with your leggy bits?”, muttering to the side, “Dan doesn’t eat people, Vee, and you’re never going to convince him to try”.

Danny rolls his eyes, “gave it to a ghost, Skulker was probably tickled green to get even part of my pelt”, pointing at Eddie, “he’s a poacher. He would cry tears of joy over successfully skinning me”.

Eddie stares at him, Vee’s little head popping out and opening their mouth very wide, “WHAT THE FUCK”.

Danny smirks, he effectively freaked an alien; talk about life, or death, goals, “I have issues. Many of them. And they like to shoot at me”, glancing around at the finally clear street before full force grabbing Vee’s face, “I’ve held off but, oh my Ancients alien sofuckingcoolohmyancientsfuckingfuckyoufeelsofuckingcoolwhatsyourchemicalcompositionlike?canyoueatEddie’seyesandleakdownhischeakslikeblackmurderspacetears’causeIhadareallycooldreamaboutthatdoyouhaveanyspacerocks?ohmyAncientshowfarawayisyourspacerock?isitevenrock?orgas?floatylava!oh!oh!isitallblacklikeyou?orisblackrarecolouringforsymbiotes?redwouldberealcoolbutkindalikebloodwhichweirdrightgreenwouldbefunnycauseI’mallgreenydoyourcoloursevenmeananything?you’relikealittlevoidahungryvoidandohmyAncientsyoureyesaresocoolhowdotheywork?whatcoloursdoyousee?whatsyourfavourite?canyouseethroughEddie’seyeslikenormalhumaneyesoraretheyallenhanced?doesourplanetlookprettytoyou?andohyourteethwhataretheyyoudon‘thaveanybonewhataretheyconnectedto?wheredotheygocanyoumakeEddieallteethy?seemlikeyou’dbiteyourtongueallthetimewhichouchyourtonguelookssomuchmoredetailedhowmuchcanyoutaste?What’syourfavouritenotpeoplefoodLewissaidyou‘resuperoldsoyou’veprobablytastedsomuchshitfromallovertheuniversewhichjustlikeholyshitAncientsendmeZonecomethandgrantmesweetreliefwherehaveyoubeen?whatplanets?whataretheylike?madeoutof?thesmells!whataboutthesmells!?!yousmelllikebutterandcandiedeelandcigarettesmokewhichmustbeEddie’sfaulttellhimhe’sbadyoumustbesoconnectedthenthoughwhat’shisbodylikeversesotherspecies?whatotherspecieshaveyoubeenwith?what’stheirmusculaturlike?howdotheybreathandseeandhearandeverythinghowfarhaveyougone?whataboutallthestars?howdifferentaretheysetupelsewherearetherestarswecan‘tseehere?haveyoubeenonastar!oh!canyoueatastar?haveyou?waitwaitIforgotwhatdoyoutastelike?youbitmesotittatit’sfair”.

Eddie watches in slightly stunned disbelief as Vee desperately tries to get out of this kid’s grip but the kid's nails -claws actually?- are somehow clinging really well and he just leaves the ground and gets dragged with. Knocking everyone over again and licking? Vee. Then prodding their teeth, but that gives Vee the chance to get comfortably back inside him; feeling obviously super confused and startled.

Eddie has to practically kick the kid off him when he literally sticks his hand through Eddie’s collarbone where Vee disappeared through. “Ohthat’ssocooltheyslipthroughyourpoursandskinsuremyectoplasmdoesthattoobutit’snotanalienohmyAncients”.

Eddie stands, basically holding the kid at arm's length in the air, “Christ on a shit stick kid chill, holy shit”, muttering, “now I get why Dan said you like space with a little smirk”. It felt like the kid was literally vibrating under his skin and fuck, it just hit him how fucked up this is. He’s holding the hero of Amity Park up in the air by the waist. This kid’s got an entire year on his ass and doesn’t, like, y’ know, murder people. And the kid just went all fucking uncle tickles on Vee. “Everything you just said was unintelligible garbage”.

The kid stares at him with eyes almost painfully bright green, “you think your freaky long adult arms are gonna do shit?”, and proceeds to just make a whole ass nother half body out of his fucking shoulders. Eddie scrunches up his entire face, “I’ve never been on this end of the body horror, oh god”, as the kid's new pair of hands grab for his face.

Vee takes over going big ass Venom, because this is some bullshit, and holds Danny away with their claws by the kid’s shirt, like he’s an over-aggressive kitten. Danny just puts his hands to his face, the extra body sorta dissolving into green misty stuff, eyes sparkling, “so cool”. Which both Eddie and Vee think is a bullshit reaction.

“Howdoesthatwork?whatdoesthatfeellike?you’reinafuckingaliendudeohmyAncients”, grabs Venom’s wrist and makes some kind of weird staticky squealing noise, “ohitfeelsthesamebutmorestructuredandtheveiningislittledifferentandohyoumotherfuckeryouareablackandwhitelittlebitch”. Danny makes a few faces and talks like a normal breathing-required person, “you stole my colours bitch”.

Vee doesn’t say shit, just retreats into Eddie’s body and drops Danny; who doesn’t seem to give a damn about landing on his ass, standing back upright in seconds.

Eddie makes a bunch of faces at him, settling on just looking tired as fuck, “kid, what the fuck?”. Rubbing his face and grumbling, “I’m too sober for this shit”.

Danny chuckles, dimming his eyes some, “sorry not sorry, I like space. And Vee is an alien from space”, shrugging exaggeratedly, “sure I’ve been to space but totally not the fucking same”.

Eddie raises an eyebrow, “you’ve been to space?”.

“I can fly and don’t need to breathe, of course I’ve gone to space”, shrugging again, “sure so has my girlfriend but she has a hoverboard. And bitch yes I’m dating a ghost hunter who used to want to murder me real good. Occasionally still makes light stabs at my half-life”, smirking, “we both enjoy the little love taps”.

Eddie blinks and mutters, “well damn Dan, kid’s a mini-me... minus the murder, and probable alcoholism, and job, and probably the piss shit and vinegar childhood; heck he’s still a child-”.

Danny cuts in, “you really do just mutter to yourself in general huh? Not just to Vee”.

“You're weirder than Dan. He’s just chill chill ‘bout me having an alien up my ass, you’re enthusiastically chill. He just goes ‘huh, guess this is happening. Hi new friend, please don’t eat me’ and you’re over here like ‘let me touch theeeeeeeeem!’. Almost enough to make me regret coming mildly”.

Danny blinks, oh Hell no, “no, no taking the alien away from me. Also, Lewis is way weirder than me”.

Vee pops back out, Danny not even bothering to hide his grin, and looks at Eddie’s face, “ARE ALL HUMAN CHILDREN LIKE THIS?”.

“Hey, I’m almost seventeen I’ll have you know. That’s almost adult”.

Eddie looks at him and laughs a little, “no kid, no it’s not. I’d say twenty-four is the cutoff. And you feel like a kid too, and I don’t mean that in the human way”, scrunching his eyebrows, “and the fuck did Dan do? For you to think he’s weird. And why the fuck do you use his last name? You don’t scream pompous formal snob”.

Danny blinks, “oh! You can sense peoples ages? Or childness”, tilting his head, “sure adult ghosts can do that so you’re not special, but whatever”.

Eddie grumbles, “fuck you too buddy”. While Danny continues, “what hasn’t he done? Guy hid me in a thermos while having happy personal time with the bone saw when the government-sponsored anti-ghost militia came to abducted and probably torture me, and he hardly gave a shit. Guy doesn’t even react to ghostly supernovas. Super great dude though”.

Eddie grins, his opinion of this kid going up a few levels, “oh I know, he’s great”.

Danny nods immediately, “just the best. Totally stan”.

The conversation then becomes a solid ten minutes of just ‘Dan Lewis is just a really great dude’ and ‘I know right?’.

Danny chuckles, “and pompous snob is more my evil villain uncle’s thing. Lewis is a Lewis because Dan is an evil version of me that, like, low-key annihilated humanity once”, tilting his head, “who I’m oddly less traumatised by now. Eh, I blame Lewis”.

Eddie blinks, and Eddie thought his life was utterly fucked, “I usually blame him whenever anything goes right in my brain square”. Vee looks to him and practically screams, “STILL NOT A SQUARE EDDIE!”. Eddie aggressively shoving them back in when someone inside the building yells, “Jesus fuck!”, and sticks their head over their balcony, “oh, it’s the fucking Fenton boy. That explains it”, and disappears back into the building.

Eddie looks back to Danny, “I’m guessing you get away with a fucking lot”.

Danny shrugs, “me and my friends are the town weirdos. My parents, the town crazies”.

“Wow, you were screwed the day you were born”, shrugging as they continue walking in genuine yet again, “granted my dad liked to hit me with a shovel so fucking same”.

“Eh, mine used to be really into trying to dissect me. Liked shooting at me, but my dad’s a terrible shot. Though the little couple day torture session in the dungeon was not my idea of a good time”.

Eddie blinks, “I’m literal nightmare fuel and I’m telling you your life is a fucking nightmare. What the fuck”. Vee sticks their head out from Eddie’s jacket, “WOULD YOU LIKE THEM EATEN? WE ARE ALREADY GOING TO EAT EDDIE’S IF THEY EVER SHOW THEIR COWARD FACES”.

Danny immediately snaps, “no. Try that and I’ll impale you with a flaming shank”, and points a pointy chunk of ice that he got from somewhere at them. “My parents are great. Little bigoted, but we’re working on that. Oh and on that, they don’t know about your whole ‘alien up the ass’ situation. So maybe don’t go all chest-burster on them. Also don’t know I’m Phantom, neither does the girlfriend”.

Eddie shakes his head, “so you’ve been doing hero shit without any parents or any other fucking thing?”. Eddie thinks that’s some major bullshit.

Danny shrugs, “eh, I got some adult ghost friends and clockpops, even of I seldom see any of them”. Danny chooses to ignore Eddie aggressively whispering ‘Vee’ and ‘no’ repeatedly to the side. “Vladdie tries to be a father figure but he’s a fucking fruitloop and probably spends, like, half his time finding new fun ways to taser me or maybe he’ll try the whole ‘I’ll murder your friends and family’ schtick again”.

Vee forms half a head on Eddie’s head and basically shrieks, “THAT’S IT! WE’RE ADOPTING BABY GHOST HYBRID PREDATOR!”, and whacks Danny on the head with a tendril.

“What?!? No! ‘Ready got parents, human and ghost!”.

Eddie smirks and rolls his eyes, “too fucking bad. Not literally. They’re just saying you’re a small blob to be protected. Which like, the fuck kid, you're on par or worse than my fucked up life”.

Danny rolls his eyes, though ‘protected by an alien’ sounds fucking awesome. “I could beat the shit out of you”.

“Is that a challenge? That feels like a challenge. And Vee does get bored of smashing around squishy humans sometimes”.

Danny grumbles, “you are way too fucking cool with murder”, and shakes his head with a smirk, “Lewis told me your weaknesses. My strongest ability just so happens to be a supersonic wail. I could level a city, you ain’t winning shit. Also a pyrokinetic, so double fucked”, Danny finger guns at him and shots little blue flames out; Vee, in typical fashion, hisses.

Eddie groans and dramatically sags, though not putting any real effort into it. Trying to play off the discomfort Vee sends his way over fire being so close. “I’ll admit, the Internet is all over the fucking place on what you can do. Some seemed like some crackfic bullshit. Same goes with the theories about you. Found one group that think you’re literally bloody fucking Satan coming to deceive the youth and bring about the end of times or some bullshit. Even a shoot off that you’re determining the merit of our souls and indoctrinating humanity into peace with the dead”, waving his hand around, “and some other crap about you being death itself”, pointing at him, “the stories told around you are just as fucked and wild as us”.

Danny blinks and squints at the guy, “okay, now I’m curious because that’s disturbingly close to the truth”.

“What”.

Danny quirks an eyebrow and smirks, “what? Did Lewis not mention that? The whole prince and eventual king of the dead thing? My defeat of the previous king was kinda a big deal, especially since it got the town abducted into an alternate dimension for a bit and attacked by a skeleton army”, smirking more and shrugging, “and co-existence is defiantly a goal of mine. And kingy is considered the will of the Zone so that is pretty much being death itself. And soul judging comes with the job”, tilting his head, “more of a passive thing though”.

Eddie blinks, “yup. In over our head. My soul is probably pretty fucked”.

Danny rolls his eyes, “no clue man, I ain’t king yet and hopefully won’t be for a few hundred years”.

Eddie raises his eyebrows, “so you’re vaguely immortal? We really are too similar”.

“Oh?”, Danny’s face lights up, “oh! oh! Does Vee’s weird healing of you stop the effects of ageing? Any cells or shit that gets damaged or worn they can just rebuild, reform, or replicate?”.

Eddie gives an almost impressed nod, “yeah, how the fuck did you guess that?”.

“Dude, alien’s meat puppet? Before dying fucked my vitals and physiology I was on my way to being an astronaut. My entire family are scientists, I have my own scientific patents, and my sister’s a certified genius pioneering a new field of psychology. Ancients, Lewis is bartering to get me into med school because he wants me to work with him. And my archenemy is a hardcore mad scientist. If I was dumb and not creative, I’d be deader. Dead with a side of dead sauce”.

Eddie shrugs, “I’d say I’m a dumbass so that’s different, but while I’m a dumbass, I’m a smart dumbass”.

“Fucking same. Investigative reporter probably requires a good head and creativity”.

Eddie chuckles, “yeah, I would have died long before Vee dropped on my ass. The whole situation that led to Vee was me biting a fish bigger than I could chew”, Danny then watched him go all Sauron demon voice and have suddenly very sharp plentiful teeth, “NOW WE ARE THE BIG FISH”, and grinning all teeth,

Danny eyes the teeth and grins, “so cool”, shaking his head, “not the biggest though and no snatching my guppies”, and grins, all fangs.

Still using Eddie’s mouth, “LOOK EDDIE! IMPRESSIVE TEETH TOO! TOLD YOU, PREDATOR!”. Eddie seemingly takes back his mouth, teeth staying though, “I think I noticed, babe”, pointing at Danny, “big ass fangs you got, pretty sharp yourself”, and he has no clue why the kid is looking at him with awe and wonder; probably the alien/space thing again, which is probably going to be a running theme with this kid. Poor Vee.

Eddie gets his real answer when Danny mutters, or attempts to mutter anyway, “hoz? Wiz youvz so goovz at talkin’z? Iz canz barey fuckin’z zveekz”.

Eddie blinks, sputters, and promptly starts laughing. That explained that! The kid hadn't learned how to speak while being sixty-percent teeth yet! Hahahahhahaha. Bending over, hands on his knees and wheezing. Granted, his first time rockin’ shark teeth had been god awful and Vee had judged him so hard. Speaking of Vee, they pop out of Eddie’s jacket yet again and squint at Danny, “BABY. HASN’T EVEN LEARNED TO SPEAK PROPERLY YET”.

“Fuzz youv. Dizt”.

Eddie bursts out laughing more and has to sit down on the sidewalk, “hahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha”.

“Shovz tit. Thvez nez!”, and promptly stabs his lip, which Eddie laughs so hard at that he tears up, Danny just scowls, “adulvez fanz, chilz faze; dozen worz”.

Eddie lays on the grass, “hahaha I have no idea what you said kid! Hahaha! You’re really good at the whole unintelligible garbage schtick, aren’t you. Haha”.

Danny flips the guy off, switching to ghost speak which was perfectly easy to do with his fangs, since it was all scratchy echoing warble static. Made by vibrating ectoplasm, different teeth (since each tooth had different density or number of pores or solidity), clicking his jaw, and only a small amount of actually moving his mouth, “t̵he̶͞y͏̕’̵͜r̵ȩ̴͟ ̕n̡o͢t ͜m̵̷ad̡e̷̴͢ ̵̸fo҉̶r̶͏̨ ̵E̡̛ņ̛g̸͢l͠͞įs̸͠h̸̶͟, a̸s̛͡s̷̕h͟o̸͞l̢e̕.̶ ͏̷T̵͟h̴͏e͢y’̕re͜ no̧ţ͟͜ ҉̧͜e̛v̴͟en҉ ̨̛̕ma̸̕d̶̡e̡ f͢ơ͟r̷̡ ̢f͟͢͞l̡͘e͝s̶h ͠͠a͜͡n̡̛ḑ͘ ̨͞b͏͟o҉n̢̛͘e͠,͠ ̨͘e̶͡c̛͏t̛͠o̕’̕͏s̶ al͝wa͟y̨s͢ a̸̧ ̵l̸̨i̵͝t̢͢tl҉ę̵ mor̨͝e̢ ̵̕f͜o̵͡͡r͏g͢i̷̶͞v͏i̸̴n̸g̵̢.̧͡ D҉̕ic̴k̨͢͠”, then deciding to be a real asshole and put some serious power behind it after checking no one was around,

“y̰̠ͬ̄ͭͣ̈́̚ȍ̜̹̚ú̡̖̺̘͓́̔ ͍̖͈̫̗̺̫͆ͧ͒w̛͒̀̿ī͇͊͝l̹͖̝̖̻̹̳͛̅̍̾̓͒l̯̗̻̲ͣ̄ͭ̚̕ ̧̝̻͕̈̽d̵̹ͮ͊̃̏͒i̦͎̝͔̻̭ͤͫ̎̓͂ͮ̐͡ͅe̹̝̲̠̞ ̢̬̘̈̑͐͐ͮ̄o̩͇̰̻̎ͬͨͬ̂ͮ̽ṅ͔̘͙̮͍̋͊͋e̗̳͉̽͆̚ ̙͎͍͙̠̫͘ͅḋ̗̩̱ͪͧ́ͅä̡̺̰̩̺̺͖y͉͔̞̺̦̩̣͋̇͋͆ͤ̅ ͙̭̠̩̬ͪ̄͐̉ͬ͐ḁ͆̅n̫̤̤͈̭͌̽̋̅ͨ͛̚d̦̘̬̻̹ͭ ̧͓ͤͫ̋͂̐I̴͉͍̟̪͈͗ͭ̍̎͒̋͂ ͕̘̳͇̝̤̅ͭ͋͛̃w̸̱͙͖͇̫͕̯ͫ́͌ͯ͆̊̑i̛̒̒̆̓͊̚l̼͉̩͍ͦͪͨl̲̗͍͙̲͚̖̈̍̐̈̚ ̳͍̒̆b͓̹̅ĕ̮̖̣ͨ ̪̹͉̘̉̅ͨt̛͉̲͍̖̬̩͙͐h͈̹̥̥͓͗ͣe̬r̛͖̘̺̱̥͍̆ͮͪͮ̑ͦͬe̎̆̍”.

Eddie blinks from the ground, promptly sitting the fuck up as a shiver ripples down his spine and through Vee; who instinctively hides back in Eddie, which honestly weirds Eddie out a bit. The kid smirks down at him, meaning scaring was literally the goal here. Blinking at him, “the fuck. Alright your voice is officially more frightening than Vee’s. The fuck. That sets off every bloody alarm bell, damn. I’m supposed to be the one that scares the piss outta people”, pushing himself up and staggering only a little, “well, Vee technically. Guess we’re both scary little monsters”, smirking down at the kid, “emphasis on little in your case”.

Danny pointedly retracts his fangs before speaking, “fuck you, I’m gonna be, like, seven feet tall one day”. Eddie just rolls his eyes at that, not even considering the fact that Danny is absolutely correct.

Vee pops their little head back out and immediately moves to hiss, all teeth, in Danny’s face; who hisses right back. Eddie thinks it’s like some weird asserting dominance thing. Which seems exactly like what Vee would do, gotta try to save face after going all hiding whack-a-mole. Though with the temperature dropping and what’s up with the colour palette of this town?

Symbiote and halfa stop and grin toothy at each other.

“IMPRESSIVE”.

“So cool”.

Eddie shakes his head and points at the sign in the distance, “would you look at that, I think I see your favourite poorly named restaurant in the difference”, this kid is going to inflate Vee’s ego at this point.

Vee looks back to Eddie, “YOU’RE THE ONE UP YOUR OWN ASS ENOUGH TO THINK YOU CAN APPEAR ON TV WITH KETCHUP STAINS”.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “says the alien up my ass“.

“I’LL MAKE THAT LITERAL, BITCH”.

Danny’s cheeks go noticeably red, puts up his hands startlingly fast, turns on his heels, and half shouts, “nope! Hello Nasty Burger!”, and starts walking.

Eddie chuckles and shakes his head, least the snarl-fest is over. Though feeling like they just exited a surreal pocket dimension after a bit because suddenly there are people around again, it’s warmish, the colours are normal, and leaves are falling slowly. “Your town is some weird bullshit”.

Danny laughs and grins at the guy meanly, “it’s a ghosts lair, what do you expect?”.

“The whole town? Talk about overkill”.

Danny mutters, “fuck you. Ghosts are dramatic”, as he pushes open the doors.

Eddie gives the most sarcastic, “You don’t say”, he can muster. “Sure makes driving interesting”, tilting his head and chuckling a little, “okay, yes, and fun”.

Danny snickers, flicks his hip hard enough to make a metallic ping, “guess I’m not the only one that has a hard drive”.

Eddie doesn’t get a chance to respond to that as some kid shouts, “holy Zone it’s Eddie Brock!”.

Danny tries not to laugh as Dash of all people runs over, “dude the complication videos of you bashing people’s faces in and shit are fucking legendary”.

Eddie blinks, “I like that’s what I’m known for”. And some ginger kid mutters, “I prefer his exposé”, gets up and points at Danny, whisper sneering, “I hope he exposes your ass, Phantom”, and stalks out of the restaurant.

This gets Dash to actually notice Danny’s existence, “Fentit! The Zone’s a weak loser like you doing with someone famous?”, looking Fenton up and down before smirking, “you look not dead, soooooo”, and moves to snatch that weird basketball kid’s half-empty drink off the table. He doesn’t get a chance as Valerie -who’s honestly scary as fuck- shouts, “if you even think about it I will make you eat that cup and clean the floor yourself!”. Dash puts the cup down when the manager also shouts, “and I’ll let her!”.

Danny snickers meanly and points at a clearly confused Eddie, “Oh didn’t you know? We’re friends”.

Dash snaps, “bullshit”, and shoulders his way past Danny.

Danny shouts after him, “oh I dead ass am!”. While Valerie walks over, in uniform, and hugs Danny, “Zone I’m glad to see you up and about”, grabbing his shoulders and looking him up and down, “your parents scare me”.

Eddie does know how to take a queue, ten bucks says that’s the girlfriend, and just goes up to order. On that note, the fuck is a triple death meaty mighty? I mean, he’s totally ordering that, whatever it is. “-and I’ll have whatever qualifies as strong coffee”. He’s pretty sure Danny and the girl are making out, low key but still.

The cashier glances at Danny and back to the -holy fuck this dude’s famous- Eddie Brock, “you know the Fenton kid so I’m just gonna give you what he orders. One Deathspresso”.

Eddie smirks and laughs.

‘AS BAD AS YOU, EDDIE’

Eddie’s gonna take that compliment.

‘NOT A COMPLIMENT, IDIOT’

Eddie ignores that. Watching the kid just get his ‘usual’ whatever the fuck that is.

Eddie raises an eyebrow at the girl when she joins them at a table. Not even having to ask as she goes from zero to murder a bitch in a split second, smacking a hand on the table and pointing the other at his face, “eat anyone and I’ll blow your ass up with a missile launcher. Even try to eat Danny and you’ll find me standing over you with a cattle prod”.

“Been there, done that”, and gives an award-winning sultry smirk.

Danny chuckles, “this a bad time to mention they already tried a sample?”. Eddie nearly chokes on his coffee due to one, fuck this is impressively strong. And two, the girl actually pulls out a weirdly shaped cattle prod. Danny snatches the weapon away, “we’re cool Val. ‘Parently I’m inedible”.

The girl grumbles, “fine, but I'm watching you”, and sounds aggressively serious about that. Eddie watches as Danny straight up chugs half his Deathspresso; fuck this kid’s worse than him. Which is definitely not a compliment.

Valerie turns to Danny, “so obviously you’re running your cyber stuff well, but the spooky stuff? Did you, maybe, get a spooky visitor drop in?”.

“If by ‘drop-in’ you mean fell through the ceiling laughing and mildly scaring the piss outta me, then being tail bros? Then yeah”, shaking his head and taking a few bites, “seriously, what the fuck, Val?”. Obviously he has to cover his Phantom ass.

Eddie just sips his coffee, pretending this conversation makes any sense.

Danny points to the manager who’s giving Valerie some serious side-eye, “you might want to get back to work, but first”, Danny leans over with mock sexiness, “I’m glad we started dating during this time of year”.

Valerie asks cautiously, “why”.

Danny grins, “‘cause we’re autumn mated”, and points a thumb outside at the orange trees and leaves on the ground.

Valerie sighs, “fuck you”, and shoves him through the window -which had been broken not too long ago- and into a bush. Getting up and brushing herself off before giving Eddie another threatening finger point and walking off.

Eddie tosses out the trash and walks out to watch the kid pull himself out of the bush, “I’m really fucking confused that you let people push around. Pretty sure you woulda let that jock kid dump stuff on you”. Vee sneaks their head out, “EAT THEM”.

Danny brushes off his pants, “not gonna happen”, straightening up, “if Dash spends his time beating me around then he doesn’t have time to beat up the ones that can’t handle falling twenty-something feet from a flag pole or being force-fed rotten food”.

Eddie groans, “oh god, you’ve got a fucking hero complex”, as they start heading back to the kids -really fucking weird- house.

“Lewis says you do your thing for hero-y reasons. Dishing out justice, without the mercy”, squinting at the guy, “or do you just do it for the meal”.

Eddie can practically smell the judgmental disapproval coming off the kid, “kid, no offence Vee, do you really think I’d be munching on people without my little alien hitchhiker?”, shrugging and sticking his hands in his pockets, “sure we only hunt people down when we need the meal, but I’m a thorough motherfucker; they’re always bad guys. Both guys that I would have come after anyways, minus the gratuitous murder. And guys that I couldn’t go after before on account of them probably fucking murdering me”. Danny looks like he’s actively determining his worth and truthfulness.

Danny nods after a bit, “alright, you seem believable enough. You’re the moral compass of Venom, at least it seems you actually are moral”.

“I don’t know ‘bout moral kid. The filth of the world is our prey and happily so”.

“Woah, chill your tits there Jeffery Dahlmer”, anything else Danny was going to say getting cut off by a shiver travelling through his body and a little plume of icy mist, “hold that thought, Hannibal, I’ve got a job to do”, and slips off into an alleyway.

Eddie grumbles, “like I haven’t heard that one before”, and chooses to lean against a building and finish his drink.

Not two seconds later does Eddie hear that echoey voice shout, “well looks like I’ve gone from one foodie to another! Surely you’ll find me a more flavourful delicacy! But no! You aren’t allowed to divide my existence away into servings! Though I’m certain I’m a perfect recipe for heroic tendencies!”.

Eddie watches as the black and white kid, who looks waaaaaaay less blurry in person, seemingly gets blasted out of the alley by meat? Like a legit literal floating river of meat. Eddie thinks this is already some major bullshit.

Danny dodges a meat axe, having a hard time not laughing his ass off at catching Eddie’s major ‘what the fuck’ face. The Lunchlady predictably pausing after Danny blasts apart the meatsuit -he’s gonna have to figure out where all this meat came from in the first place- with a couple well-aimed blasts. She looks him up and down, and shakes her head with a scowl, “YOU'RE STILL TOO SKINNY! Cookie?”.

Danny sighs, putting his chin in one palm, “no”.

“THEN YOU WILL FRY!”, and slams him into the ground with an oversized frying pan.

Danny just shoots a beam at her from the small crater he’s in, “the only thing I need to sweeten myself up is coffee!”.

The Lunchlady stops again and deadpans, “that’s bitter dearie”.

“Do I look like I care what my taste buds think!?! I’m Death flavoured anyway!”, floating back up, “and I think these battle flavours need the added spice of my fist!”, and promptly socks her across the jaw. Talking a bit quietly at her, “you and Boxy aren’t having issues are you?”.

She waves him off, “oh hardly”, and throws him into a building via a meat fist.

Eddie eyeballs a bit of steak that smacked into the ground with an oddly satisfying thwap. Muttering as Vee uses his leg/foot to poke it, “babe, that’s gross. Don’t eat that”. He might not have standards, but he has standards. Though if the steak wasn’t cooked Vee would probably eat it anyway.

‘YES’

The Lunchlady flies in after Danny and presents a little serving tray, taking off the lid. Danny takes the little paper while giving her some serious confused cautious eyebrows. Laughing when he sees it’s actually a bloody baby shower invite! The Lunchlady nods curtly, “I’m well aware you rather your humans not know, dearie”.

Danny nods, “truth”, and floats up, smirking, “should I bring a boxed lunch”.

She shakes her head, “I'm not going to question how you knew her name”. Danny just snickers meanly before, “surprise thermos!”, and sucks her into his thermos.

Eddie grunts, “so you seriously use a thermos? And your enemies invite you to parties? Honestly?”. Bullshit. That is bullshit.

Danny turns and looks at Eddie who’s sticking his head in through a hole, “you know, most people run away”.

“What is ghost lady gonna do? Kill me?”.

Danny blinks and wheezes, changing back human and wiggling his tail about, “we’re weirdly similar”, shaking his head, “and she would have tried once. Ghosts know better than to genuinely try to kill my humans though”, floating over to snatch up the discarded CyberSteps and reattach them, “also, I’m more like frenemies with most of my enemies”.

“You’re stupid”. Detachable robo legs were a new one but Dan had not failed to mentioned getting stab and hack happy with the kids lower half or that the kid's parents were trying, and apparently succeeding, at playing pin the legs on the teenager.

Danny points at the guy, “hey, all ghosts fight each other. It’s a little something called socialising; not that you know much about that”.

“Cut deep why don’t you. You little fucker”.

“I’m only five-four!”.

“Exactly”.

“Jerk”.

“Dick”.

Vee takes over Eddie’s mouth, “BITCHES”, apparently feeling left out.

Danny tilts his head, hearing a very particular engine, and grabs Eddie’s jacket to physically yank him to the side; just as the mini GAV -which is honestly just a reinforced minivan instead of a suped-up mini-tank monster truck hybrid thing- barrels through the wall, his dad clearly being the driver. Eddie yelping, “god fuck! Holy shit!”.

Maddie sticks her head out of the door, bazooka in hand. Lowering the weapon and clearly raising her eyebrows as she spots Danny, lifting her goggles, “oh! Sweetie!”, looking down and likely checking her scanner, “darn, missed It... them, missed them”.

Danny mutters, “they’re trying at least”, before waving at her, “hey mom, don’t worry, I’m fine”.

Eddie grumbles as he stands up, “don’t mind me, I'm good too”, only to slip on a chunk of debris and land right back on his ass.

‘MAKING US LOOK BAD, EDDIE’

Eddie grumbling, “she’s in head to toe spandex, I don’t think she cares”. Danny rolls his eyes, “it’s useful spandex”, he’s over being embarrassed by his parents ‘fashion’.

Eddie just snickers at the kid as his mom walks up and starts checking him over, “you alright? The ghost didn’t hurt you or anything? Or were they one you’re... friendly with?”.

Danny bats away her hand, “mooooom, cut it out. I told you I’m fine”, Ancients he hated being babied, especially in front of others. Having to make a point to keep the snarl out of his voice, can’t help the teeth-baring though, “seriously”, huffing though glad when she gets the message and cuts it the Zone out, “and it was just the Lunchlady”, shrugging, “‘parently BoxedLunch was born”. She just blinks at him.

Eddie turns to the side and laughs, “well those are... names”, and laughs a little more. Danny points aggressively at him.

Maddie smiles a little stiffly, “ghosts names usually have a meaning of some kind”, gesturing to the mini-GAV, “how about I- or Jack I guess, drive everyone back to the house?”. Jack, as if summoned, sticks his head out and waves.

Eddie shrugs, following the adult and teen into the... ‘vehicle’ thing. While Danny nods, “yup, BoxedLunch will be able to telekinetically control boxed and canned food products”.

Eddie shakes his head, “that’s stupid”.

Danny rolls his eyes, “could be Obsession based too. Usually a mix”.

Jack nods and guns it, speaking while Eddie shrieks and chants ‘no’, “Phantom seems to be the exception. But! We’re pretty sure he’s a different kind of ghost! A needed one! A spirit!”, looking to Danny, “like ClockWork!”.

Eddie just side-eyes Danny while clinging to the door handle.

“I do believe I mentioned we are called NeverBorns”. Startling nearly everyone. Eddie muttering, “oh fuck me- no not you”.

Danny tilts his head up a little, child ClockWork appearing with their arms crossed on his head. Danny chuckling slightly awkwardly, “hey Clocky, uh, whatcha doing?”. Is ClockWork showing up randomly around his parents going to be a routine?

Maddie gives a stiff nod of greeting, “hello... ClockWork”. Jack waving erratically and giving a far more genuine, “hello! Again!”.

Eddie catches on damn quick, based on the stiffness the lady seems ridiculously similar to homophobes trying to tolerate or not be an utter ass around an out and proud queer. So she was what? a speciesist? Genuinely it seems. Well that’s fucking stupid and bullshit. The guy seemed more like the ignorant type that’s actually totally cool once they know better and actually believe it. And these guys were supposed to be the creme de la creme of ghost research? Wow, fuck that bullshit. “I’m not even gonna bother pretending to understand what the fuck is going on with the baby ghost, but aren’t you guys like the fucking ghost scientists of the world? I’m detecting some speciesism crap here. Studying the whatever the fuck that you’re bigoted against is stupid and is exactly how you do bad science”.

Danny holds up a finger, “uh, actually the government’s pretty well the same and did try to nuke the Ghost Zone; which would have pretty much destroyed the universe”.

Eddie points are him, clutching the door harder when the vehicle takes a hard turn, “that’s exactly what I mean. Studying while high on the bigotry train equals making stupid decisions”, gesturing wildly, “like blowing up an entire dimension. That’s stupid. I’d metaphorically punch someone in front of the camera for that. If I were a ghost I’d probably terrorise people trying to blow my home up or shoot me for the crime of existing too”.

Maddie opens and closes her mouth a few times, “well we didn’t believe them capable of emotions-”.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow, trying to not look pathetic while clinging to the door, “oh? Just like women aren’t capable of being rational, right?”.

Maddie makes a series of faces, “that’s not the same”.

“Isn’t it?”.

“Ghosts are a different species”.

“And? Women are a different sex”.

“They’re dead”.

“So?”.

“The have an absence of life, so logically it made sense they’d lack things of the living”.

“Women lack balls, which those old assholes clearly thought had something to do with being fucking rational. And do I even need to start on the whole genitalia related hysteria theory bullshit?”. Danny chokes a little and covers his eyes at that. Eddie smirks, “I know jack shit about ghosts, but I can taste bullshit when I smell it”.

ClockWork sticks up a small finger, “that is not how that phrase goes”.

Eddie only glances at them, “do I care? No”.

Jack parks and stands, “to be fair, every time anyone had encountered ghosts they had been violent”.

Eddie practically peels himself off the door, “I don’t know about you, but I’ve never ran into a friendly shark”, adding like he’s almost being forced at gunpoint to, “sharks are cool as shit though”.

Danny gets up too, ClockWork not moving from their spot on his head. Danny’s almost impressed they’ve stayed in child form for so long, means there’s probably a reason though. “Sharks are pretty cool. Awesome teeth”, and gives a meaningful smile; he’d throw in his fangs if his folks weren’t around.

Eddie gives a small smirk back, a bit of sharp teeth visible. Then turning back to the parents, “science and biased opinions don’t mix, like milk and lemon juice. Nothing is fact until proven otherwise and if someone says it’s fact, prove them wrong; your bloody well self included. Screw your heads on straight”.

Danny looks to him while his parents gape a little, “I think I get why you get punched and abducted so much. You’re, like, super confrontational”.

Eddie points at him while walking up to the door, “and you’re not?”. Which Danny will admit is a bit fair. Eddie continues, “though yes, I do tend to egg people into throwing down. There is little better than punching pompous money-grubbing jackass that fuck over the lower classes in the face”. Danny can’t ever disagree with that either. ‘Cause well... ‘cause Vlad. Though he absolutely hears Eddie mutter to the side, “okay fine, yes that’s better. Only reason I like it now is your oily ass-oh yeah you and me both-fuck off”.

Maddie bites her lip a little but nods, while Jack goes over and gives ClockWork a pretty awkward handshake; considering how small their hands were at the moment.

Lewis opens the door just as Eddie had muttered, “fuck off”. “Lovely to see you two too”.

“Jesus fuck, God sorry Dan. Not you, you already know that though”, looking to the side again, “shut the fuck up, you cunt”. Lewis just chuckles and moves to let everyone in.

Lewis points to ClockWork, “why’s the ghost godparent slash Guardian here?”.

Eddie turns to Danny, eyeballs the tiny ghost, “who the fuck makes a child someone’s godparent?”. ClockWork immediately changes to their adult form, moving to float next to Danny. Eddie blinks, “or not a child”, then looking offended, “oh yeah mock me why don’t you”, probably being mentally laughed at.

Maddie looks to the ghost, “Dan is right though, is there a reason or do you just... hang out”.

Eddie looks to her, “let me guess, ghosts ‘don’t hang out’”. Lewis gives him a fond smile that absolutely conveys that this is pretty typical Eddie.

Maddie actually does look slightly embarrassed, which might have something to do with Eddie’s tone, “we didn’t use to think they did”. Which both Eddie and Danny huff at.

ClockWork sticks up a finger, “we do simply spend time in each others company here and there. I’ve gotten him quite good at chess and better read”. Eddie coughs, muttering, “he plays chess???”. ClockWork keeps going, “though I do have my reasons for my appearance now”.

Danny sighs, moving to sit in the kitchen, “let me guess, either has to do with Eddie showing up or-”, popping his ankles up on a chair and crossing them, “-the leggies”.

Eddie shuffles off to the living room, pulling out a shitty-looking beat-up journal; when the ghost points at the kid’s metal legs. Now that he’s confirmed a few hunches he might as well work on recent stuff he can actually get paid for.

Danny sighs, “the timer I’m guessing? Some ability or purpose you left out because it wasn’t the right time?”. Danny totally one-hundred percent saw this coming. ClockWork usually had, like, a bajillion reasons for things.

Jack laughs when ClockWork smirks and nods, “you sure know them well! Danny-boy!”. Maddie smiles genuinely at that.

ClockWork taps at the timer with their staff, “as was said, such things can alter time around the wearer. And I must say, the Observants are quite displeased over your now patchy and difficult to interpret future”, both ghost and halfa share a malicious-looking grin over that. Before ClockWork continues, “but much more importantly, you could certainly go on a nice little jog through time. A quaint little stroll down the time streams road. Hop from spot to spot on the timeline”.

Danny blinks and chuckles, putting his chin in his elbow and resting on the table, “so a free built-in pass through time? You out here making me a little optional time hopper huh?”.

Maddie leans forward, “are you saying you gave Danny time powers through his legs?”, how is she even supposed to react to that? Sure he technically had ‘powers’ already, the floating and the cold of his Core; a healing factor arguably too. Probably more, that he might or might not know about.

ClockWork pats Danny’s head, “in a way. Far less timely than me, and I will see anything he gets up to or tries. Quite suiting for a timely apprenticeship”.

Danny blinks, “if I start accidentally falling through time, I’m blaming you”. ClockWork knows how he is with new powers. Though fine, being the ‘child of time’ probably means he should have some kinda timely stuff. Jack can’t help but laugh at that, he could see just how much trouble Danny could get up to with that! Good thing this ClockWork fellow seemed responsible, which super strange to truly see from a spook! Maddie can’t help but see this as like them liking his tail, wanting him to be more like them; which she’s trying not to view negatively. Parents usually wanted their kid to be similar to them.

Lewis leans forward, “interesting choice of words, ‘apprentice’ implies job”.

Danny tilts his head, right they had told him they had a job for him. Sighing with a smile, “you’re really just making me crank my internal clock rapidly towards death”.

ClockWork gives him another little pat, looking to the parents, “traditionally child ghosts always take something like an apprenticeship under their guardian; through the passing on of power. My binds simply don’t allow for it”, smirking, “at least not through traditional means”. Danny grumbles incoherently at that. ClockWork looking to him and changing to their elderly form, “now the title proper would be ‘prince of time’ of course, being that I am the lord”.

Lewis shakes his head, Danny seriously couldn’t get away from the prince title now could he? Ghost Prince, Time Prince. Though he’s pretty sure the second is not even kinda a ruling title.

Jack blinks then looks a little excited, curiously excited, “‘prince’? Like royalty?!?”. Danny thumps his head on the table and leaves it there. ClockWork changing to a child and wrapping their tail around his neck, giving him a kinda weird neck/shoulder massage thing, “cloooooockyyyyyy”. Though relaxing and melting a little.

Lewis can’t help chuckling at that, giving him a very mocking, “awwww”, and getting a very mumbly, “fak yo”, in return.

Maddie shaking her head and a little surprised to find herself fighting back a smile, “I’m more interested in the binds thing. Your power level means you really should be a six, but you’re not”. ClockWork fiddles with Danny’s hair, leaving him to answer. Danny turns his head to the side, “they make sure the universe goes along the best and longest path. And that is all they are to do. Rules they physically have to follow. Restricts how much they can interfere”, sighing and shifting against the table a little, “can only do all this stuff with me ‘cause Guardian. Only Guardian ‘cause of circumstances and whatnot”. ClockWork nods with a hum, letting a content pleased smile be very obvious.

Jack and Maddie grin at that, both pretty damn certain now that this ghost genuinely liked and cared; no villainous motives. And if they were really thinking on that right now they'd probably cringe, obviously they’ve been wrong and probably about a lot. And Danny knew that. He was involved with ghosts, liked some, and very close with at least one. They had screwed up really, because they had hurt him in a way. He’d always been constant and firm in his opinions. His friends the same but seemingly more disappointed in them about it; probably out of protectiveness. Vlad said it like it was obvious fact but didn’t give a damn if they agreed or not. Dan was gentle and arguably objective, though he had probably talked with Danny at length. And this Eddie had pretty much come up and smacked them.

Lewis decides this probably qualifies as a ‘family moment’ so makes possibly awkward attempts to leave them alone, getting himself coffee and leaning against the entryway between the kitchen and living room. Smirking a bit to himself at spotting Eddie, who’s scribbling down his chicken scratch while rubbing little circles on noodle Vee’s head; Vee looks quite content with the situation.

Meanwhile, Maddie eyes the bit of the clock timer peaking out off Danny’s pants. Obviously the ‘prince of time’ thing wasn’t an actual royal title but more ‘family of someone important’, which was still strange. ClockWork calling it ‘apprentice’ definitely confirmed they were teaching him things beyond just chess; a bit mind-blowing ghosts played boardgames. She wonders though...

ClockWork speaks up, Danny looking a little zoned out all the while, “I prefer to allow him to teach himself. A guiding hand, rather than an authoritative voice. The latter weathers with time and often leads astray; the lessons less true and less useful. Request before you demand. Advise before you tell. And listen before you think”.

Jack grumbles, “I don’t think I quite get that”.

“To demand is to control their actions. To tell is to control their beliefs. To think without listening first is to control their voice. You have done plenty of this in the past. Demand fear and hatred of ghosts, scorn those that refuse to listen. Tell tales of your decided truth as if fact, and speaking louder if someone stuck their fingers in their ears. Thought of only others' nativity and how to reinforce yourselves when others spoke their grievances. Now you’ve tried the other path. And though it can be filled with hurt and discomfort, you’re already richer for it you'll find”, smirking faintly, “and yes, Daniel does do jobs for me; though not officially or with any real request from me. I merely pushed for timelines that aligned best and things worked themselves out as they so often do. Now I can request of him in genuine, and him of me”.

The two blinks at them, a little overwhelmed. Both pretty sure Danny might be the only one who doesn’t find them overwhelming. And Danny was probably the only one whose opinion ClockWork actually even cared about. Maddie leans back a little, “so you’re kind of like the... god who can’t truly interfere and simply must let people live their lives? Let fate play out?”.

“And, to use the phrases of mortals, I lose no sleep over that”, shifting to an adult and easily moving Danny to be practically curled up in their lap/against their chest, “I care not whether you live nor die. Whether you know happiness or suffer greatly. Beyond the effect of that upon Daniel and upon the continued existence of the time stream”.

Maddie could choose to take time that incredibly negatively, she could almost call this emotionless; but really? It was more someone whose priorities were far beyond individual beings. And besides, this meant that ClockWork would do what was best for Danny; everything and everyone else be damned. If anything, she could technically trust them with him more than anyone else. Maybe it was the bond Danny explained, or maybe it was simply them as a Being.

Jack’s more focused on how Danny absently grabbed ClockWork’s cloak and sorta snuggled up to it, very adorable and Danny would probably be so embarrassed if he wasn’t practically dead to the world. Danny seldom seemed really relaxed, so it was really nice to see! Then watching the ghosts blue hand pull out a necklace from under Danny’s collar, the one Danny always seemed to wear but never over clothing. Jack honestly has no clue what that necklace looks like and according to the paramedics it literally vanished as soon as they got his shirt off. Seeing the little silver CW charm dangling off the thin chain, he knew that thing had to be ghostly! Neither parent even has to ask.

“I gifted him this after becoming his Guardian proper. And now-”, taping the chain and suddenly a little gear charm appears on it, “-I find this to be another moment to commemorate”, letting go and the necklace simply phases through the shirt. Looking to the parents, “he prefers to keep it over his Core, which is typical for children. Symbolically saying that to truly hurt them you’d have to go through their Guardian first”, ClockWork puts in some emphasis to make the message very clear. The parents give a little nod and are actually genuinely happy to hear that.

Then they hear what they’re pretty sure is a string of swears and thud; turning their heads and seeing Dan choke on his drink a little. Danny -and ClockWork but that’s besides the point- is the only one to actually hear Eddie’s grumble about being bit. Which Danny smirks over and promptly bites ClockWork. Jack laughs while ClockWork chuckles, ahhh the joys of having a trickster who’s still growing into his fangs under their cloak. Danny does crawl off them right after though, moving to make his own coffee and obviously trying to play things off. Which gets Maddie to giggle.

Eddie stumbles in, grunts at Danny, “you like murder coffee, pour me some”, looking to the ghost, “fuck, you’re still here? Don’t you have things to do? Decrepit houses to haunt? Or children’s closets to hide ominously in?”.

ClockWork smirks, “I’m hardly the type. You should watch your local news, I believe”. Eddie rolls his eyes and shuffles back to the living room; reclaiming the couch. Danny sighs and looks to the ceiling, something going wrong in someone’s home when they leave was exactly his luck. Turning around and sipping his coffee while leaning against the counter; everyone (minus ClockWork)feeling just slightly awkward now.

So Jack jumps up, looking to Maddie, “after today I say we need to get right on rebuilding the GAV!”. Maddie looks from Jack to ClockWork to Danny, before smiling; it would probably mean a lot to Danny to just trust ClockWork alone-ish with him. Turning to Jack, “sounds like a plan, hon”.

Danny grins like an idiot to himself after they head down the lab stairs, they had changed so much! Looking to ClockWork, who grins, “one more thing, Daniel. Here”, and hands over folded fabric.

Danny looks at it, only having to fold out the hood to know it’s a freaking cloak or maybe mini cloak, “oh Ancients, ClockWork. Thanks”. ClockWork just laughs a little before throwing the cloak around his shoulders and disappearing. Leaving Danny grumbling fondly, “can’t even say goodbye”. Then looking to Lewis’s stupid smirk, “shut up”. Lewis chuckles and moves to sit in the living room. Danny electing to follow.

Danny leans over the back of the couch, looking at the absolute mess that is Eddie’s writing, “whatcha doin’?”.

“Adult stuff you’d never understand”.

“Fuck you”.

Eddie chuckles, “filling in details on the little interview I had with Cletus Kasady”.

Danny blinks, “ain’t that guy a serial killer?”, he’s not sure he even wants to know now.

Eddie quirks an eyebrow but doesn’t look away from his notebook, “surprised you know that, dudes whacky”.

Danny rolls his eyes, “nice, another frootloop”, leaning over even more purely to be obnoxious, “I should show you how to write with a proper quill, could make this look even more illegible. And writing with a fucking quill in public is a total power move”.

Eddie mutters, “that’s actually a decent argument”. While Danny squints at the words, sounding mildly unsure and tilting his head; attempting to read it, “‘there’s gonna be carnage’?”, snorting and moving to actually flop on the couch, “well someone took lessons from us spookies on being ominous”.

Eddie snorts and rolls his eyes, “more like typical bad guy trying to be intimidating”, smirking, “doesn’t really work on an actual predator though”.

Danny snickers, “tell me about it”.

Lewis sips his drink, watching the slight sharp toothy grins. Maybe those two were going to be like oil and fire, which might not be a good thing. Eyeing the short cloak that was honestly closer to a shawl, whatever, it was probably out of his hands now. Least the kid had some omnipresent god looking out for him. Positives Lewis, positives. Vee’s noodle head being suspiciously quiet is more than a little ominous though.

End.

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