#no clue how many words it is bc i am still writing by hand due to having no wifi for the past two days

[lit-in-thy-heart]

[ID: tumblr tags that read #this fic is sponsored by sunny weather and coastal castle ruins #and it's just going to be (hopefully) soft and silly #no angst. #no. angst. End ID.]

no angst my hat.

[hxmmatron]

Heavy Azriel pov spoilers you’ve been warned

ok, I am back with more analysis, and I’m speaking out of my conviction that sjm deliberately devided the chapter 50/50 between two equal love interests, and both ships can happen. I’m not taking any sides. don’t come for me I’m sensitive.

What I want to address is one of the things that irked me the most at first, and it was the contrast between the way he viewed Elain vs Gwyn . And I know it bothered so many people, and I personally took it as a clue that Gwyn would be endgame.

But upon reading the first half again, I think it’s mainly sjm’s writing that gave us that creepy vibe? I was already uncomfortable wih some of her smut scenes, and how she feels the need to describe them. I genuinely think it’s just her writing that was such a turn off, the uncomfortable degree of objectification(and I don’t excuse that), but if you read slowly, you can actually see some indications of his emotions. I definitely missed all of these in my first read.

The faelights gilded Elain's unbound hair, making her glow like the sun at dawn. This could be read as an Elucien reference, but we can appreciate how cute is is

He didn't need his shadows to read her tone, the slight tightening of her face: he sees her

The headache powder he kept, unused. Could be a bad indicator, but he cherished it for a year.

because he couldn't stand the sight of it, the scent of their mating bond, and needed to have the option of of leaving if it became too much. Again, could be a bad indicator, but someone had pointed out that he never had that reaction to being around Mor. This could mean a lot of things, but it also shows that it’s been brewing for a while. And Nesta noticed.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around. I can’t read this, really. There’s been enough posts about his shadows, but I don’t think we can judge just yet which option sjm thinks is the right one. 

I won’t even talk about the necklace scene because it was just peak yearning, ok? The tension and yearning, Az’s feelings? Literally if I had stopped reading here I’d be calling their wedding bells. Giving me very much A Line Without A Hook

But he could have this. This one moment, and maybe a taste, and that would be it. longing culture in one sentence

Azriel was left standing before Elain, who still awaited his kiss. His stomach twisted as he pulled his hand from her hair and stepped back. Forced himself to say, "This was a mistake.” to me this is more than lust, he felt bad for pulling away, and probably because he knew what would come next

“You don't-Don't apologize,” he managed to say. "Never apologize. It's I who should ..” He shook his head, unable to stand bleakness he'd brought to her expression. This to me, again, just says so much? Why else would he feel bad for hurting her feelings, if it was just lust. 

He had never before dared speak the words aloud. when talking about the cauldron. As fucked up as it was all worded, I can understand how he’d quietly wonder if it was all a coincidence? And, again, I think he’s using the cauldron and Lucien bc he doesn’t yet know how to process his emotions? (which could go both ways). But it’s the fact that he never spoke up about it.

“I think Lucien will never be good enough for her” Not the best thing to say for sure, but, doesn’t read pure lust to me. It wasn’t even an “I think I’m a better fit then Lucien”, though he could be thinking that, idk

Azriel said nothing. He hadn't gotten that far with his planning, certainly not beyond the fantasies he pleasured himself to. Ok, I hear you, I hear you. I was sick to my stomach when I read this at first. It really did seem to reduce Elain to a sexual fantasy. But, I’ll blame that on sjm’s smutty writing again and say: Maybe it’s because he never allowed himself to think of her as attainable? Obviously, he tried to avoid her, refused to keep tabs on Lucien, and only pleasure himself when completely alone, even from his shadows. I can see it from him believing it would never happen, and only rarely allowing himself the guilty pleasure fantasy. 

I’ll say, comparing the blood duel against Lucien to the one against Eris? could be a lil sign of *toxic by brittney spears*, I used to think Mor-Elain comparisons were good, but, I’m not sure anymore. Could be a pattern of Az’s toxic emotional attatchements

Until he felt nothing. Was again nothing at all. Could be toxic attachement, could be true feelings, but it’s for sure not lust

He found Elain's necklace amid the pile. He pocketed it. Spent the rest of his day, even the blasted snowball fight, with every intention of returning it to the shop in the Palace of Thread and Jewels. I also was irked by how little he reacted at first. But I think it can mean more? especially with him actually losing the snowball fight he’d been so confident in, and “Your eyes are sad, Shadowsinger”

I think we should point out that all the “heavy” words where spoken by Rhys, “deserve to be her mate”, “Seduce”, “If you need to fuck someone, go to a pleasure hall and pay for it, but stay away from her." It woudn’t be fair to immediately attach them to Az’s intentions, not just yet at least? Aside from Rhys’ hypocrisy (again, due to the writing choice imo and creating conflict), Rhys has been pro-Lucien since acowar, which makes me wonder if he and Feyre would butt heads, since she she’s clearly pro-Elriel. Also, the fact that she herself brought up the possibility of the Cauldron being wrong? Azriel isn’t the first to question it (I’m just gonna blame the whole thing on bad writing ok)

As for Gwyn’s half, I know it’s less than half the chapter, but the lil crumbs sprinkled all over, and the fact that the chapter ends with her, and the softer, fonder feelings? I think that levels up the chances of both ships. I don’t think it’s a coincidence, or random that it ended on her. Nor the parallels in both parts (ie his shadows’ behaviour, a thing of secret lovely beauty)

TL;DR I think both ends of the ships are valid in their arguments and it was done on purpose by SJM, and I just wanted to offer a deeper look into Azriel’s thoughts.

[dulce-pjm]

get to know me tag game !!

tagged by the lovely @hauntedlilies !! thanks sweet m! these are always fun :))

as usual i rambled and got a little personal with the answers so you know all you followers keep building up the blackmail material i guess LOL

When is your birthday?

january 15!

What is your favorite color?

ahhh it’s always changing but rn i’m vibing with purple, pink, green, and yellow :))

What’s your lucky number?

7, 10, 15 :)

Do you have any pets?

yes !!! two cats and two dogs and i adore them !!!

How tall are you?

5′8″ (watch out jimin!! based on the evidence i have seven years left to outgrow you !!!)

How many pairs of shoes do you own?

i haven’t a clue

Favorite song?

my go-to answer is always seesaw but tbh it’s so hard to pick !!

Favorite movie?

agghhhhhh how do you choose???? i’ve mostly been watching animated movies recently bc it comforts me so probably your name or monster’s inc :)

What would be your ideal partner?

...park jimin?

LOL in all seriousness... i tend to like extroverts and just people who are super passionate about something !!! both romantically and in any relationship!! honestly oikawa tooru is the template i would drop everything and marry him he is a precious petty idiot and i love him the most

Do you want children?

fjdslgkhsdlkfjlsd not right now !!!! i tend to not answer this question too directly because i have plenty of time to think about it and i don’t want to tie myself to any direction !!!

Have you gotten in trouble with the law?

lol no but i think after a quick scroll through my tumblr you could have guessed that 

What color socks are you wearing?

no socks !!! unless it’s winter and i’m freezing sleeping in socks is a crime >:( but earlier i was wearing pink and purple socks !

Bath or shower?

depends !! but i never feel clean after a bath and still end up showering, the bath is just for me to chill 

Favorite type of music?

hmmmm kpop, musical theatre, minecraft music LOL

How many pillows do you sleep with?

four !! SLFKJLDSGH lol

Which position do you sleep in?

depends !!! i used to sleep exclusively on my stomach but i’ve changed a bit and honestly any position is possible! but no matter what i am cuddling a pillow (with the other three piled around me) and probably holding my own hand LOL 

What don’t you like when you’re sleeping?

being cold :( i can deal with hot but being freezing is terrible !! i like to spread out but when you’re cold you have to like curl yourself up to preserve heat

What do you have for breakfast?

cold leftovers are the ideal breakfast <3 i used to like breakfast foods but most of them just make me nauseous now so i end up just eating leftovers or coffee/tea 

Have you ever tried archery?

like once? like literally did one shot. was not good 

Favorite fruit?

strawberries !!!! yum yum yum (after that probably mango)

Favorite swear word?

i don’t know that i have a favorite but i say fuck the most LOL

Do you have any scars?

yes !! i’m clumsy so i have many burn scars on my hands from cooking or curling my hair (the biggest one was very creatively named Mark by my bestie and beta reader @delayedimperfection). i also have several scars from my psycho/lovely cat on my arms and hands (and then i went in the sun after getting several of them and yeah they probably will never go away it’s fine)

Are you a good liar?

nope !!! especially if you know me i think my tells are just easy to pick up on!! i rarely win as imposter in among us :( tragic 

What’s your personality type?

infp-t!! i think that’s what this is asking

What’s your favorite type of girl?

all !!!! 

Left or right handed?

right !! my left hand is useless <33

Favorite food?

sushi !!!! it’s filling but a lot of food makes me nauseous nowadays and i never feel that way after eating sushi 

Are you clean or messy?

messy !!

Favorite foreign food?

well i guess sushi LOL but i am always down to try something new!

How long does it take for you to get ready?

depends on how greasy my hair is!! anywhere from five minutes to an hour-ish

Most used phrase?

lol probably “oh my gosh” and “oh my god.” i also say this phrase that’s like from a specific city but i honestly do not even know to spell it it’s like gibberish i don’t even know

**update (not that anyone was asking) but i did some research and the phrase is jeezle petes!! it’s not exclusive to the city i picked it up from but that one city is how i learned it :))

Are you a good singer?

lol i’d like to hope so !!! i did musical theatre for several years so if i’m terrible well whoops? lol

Do you sing to yourself?

of course !!! 

Biggest fear?

ummmm idk i am such a scaredy cat so i’d say most things spook me !! i guess i’d say abandonment as a serious answer and ghosts as a silly(ish) one 

Do you like long or short hair?

i generally like shorter hair (on myself and other people) but i mean different hairstyles suit different people !!

Are you into gossip?

idk i don’t like to speculate and i try to always give people the benefit of the doubt but !!! if it’s me and my mom in the car well then no fucking mercy 

Extrovert or introvert?

introvert !!!! if you message me first i’ll love you forever (also hence why i love extroverts, they balance me out !!)

Favorite school subject?

i love love love chemistry and any kind of science !!!! (definitely haven’t projected that into any of my fics no no no...)

What makes you nervous?

being in unfamiliar places !! i hate feeling lost or feeling like people can tell that i’m lost

Who was your first real crush?

fjdlsghsdlk idk... i have such a hard time expressing and processing romantic feelings that i’m not really sure that i’ve had one !!! my best guess is probably my best friend a few years ago but honestly i don’t really even think i had a crush, i was just trying to reciprocate how he felt SJLDGKJLSDGKH this is soooo personal anyways~~~~~

How many piercings do you have?

i used to have three in each ear but due to some unfortunate circumstances two (in each ear) grew in :( i plan to get them re-pierced soon though !!

How fast can you run?

GJLSDGHLDKF idk ????? i’d like to think i’m relatively fast because i have longer legs but honestly that’s such a lie i have to be in fear to really be fast LOL

What makes you angry?

hmmm!! tbh it takes a lot to make me mad, i’m pretty chill and usually i get sad/upset rather than actually angry! but the quickest way to make me mad is to like expect something from me and never communicate it!! i can’t read your fucking mind i’m the biggest people pleaser i know and would probably bend over backwards for you if you just told me GJSLDKFHL yes this is about a very specific set of instances <3333

Do you like your own name?

yeah, actually !! naomi is an alias, i chose it just for fun, but i like my irl name too :)

What are your weaknesses?

my crippling self doubt :’) also i’m so ticklish it isn’t funny. hmmmm i also tend to put other people’s needs before my own and then let them take advantage of that GHLSDKFJS it’s fine. AND i need everyone to like me all the time especially when they are mean to me (which makes me easy to manipulate unfortunately flsdkghdlskfj why am i giving out this info)

What are your strengths?

i think i give okay advice and i’m good at teaching other people things !!! i’ve also been told i’m very genuine and honest :)

What is the color of your bedspread?

grey !!

Color of your room?

lol grey, white, and then honestly just an assorted bunch of colors

this was fun !!! tagging @softbobamilktae, @moon-write​, and @jtrbluv !!!

[kenmakittie]

Another Night - Arthur Fleck/Reader

Ok wow. This was my first attempt at writing for the first time in a loooong time, so apologies that this isn’t my best work. It’ll come with time, I hope. This film has affected me so much, and I honestly wasn’t sure what to write about when it came to Arthur/Joker, but the first thing that came to mind was the idea that being with Arthur would bring with it a lot of shit, man. I didn’t delve too deep in the mentality of the reader this time around, but there are mentions of anxiety and depression, so please be aware! Any feedback is appreciated and I’m more than happy to take requests. Also lots of smoking bc I’m a big boi smoker lol and lots of swearing bc I’m British and have no self control

This was intended to be a two-parter or two separate fics since the two parts are so different, but I liked them together in one piece instead of two separate pieces, and they can be interpreted as either; a slice of life fic in two differing times, or just smut leading into fluff! It’s whatever u want it to be! But yh there’s your warning, smut ahead, followed by some tooth-rotting fluff. The timings of this writing in relation to the timeline of the film is mixed up a bit, as this is all happening before Joker really makes an appearance, but, as you’ll see, the smut occurs right after the subway murders. When the second part takes place is completely up to your interpretation. I’ll shut up now lol please let me know what you think!!! 

________________________________________________________________

Loving Arthur Fleck isn’t straightforward.

 Almost a year you’ve spent worming your way into his life, trying to convince him that, yes, you did in fact care about him very much and that no, you weren’t lying or laying it on when you say you’d like to spend the night with him, be it talking and laughing when he has one of his insomniac episodes or… other things.

 Having Arthur move in with you after his mother passed made sense both logically and financially, you being a student with a fairly decent scholarship deal and Arthur having spent most of his life in poverty; you’ll never forget the first time he had stayed over and confessed he had no clue how to use the shower due to never having one all of his life and you asked yourself how the man continued to shatter your heart.

 He had always been nothing but loving and sweet to you, but you both had your fair share of alternating moods, and Arthur’s had always been… unpredictable.

 Cut to the current day and it’s 11PM; you’re sat on the dingy couch in your apartment, an old blanket draped over your legs and a cup of lukewarm coffee on hand after a long shift working at Arkham State. Despite Arthur’s absence, you were absent-mindedly watching Murray, blissfully unaware of the bloodied man strutting down your hallway until the door slams shut and you think you’ve shit yourself.

 “ Fucking- Arthur?”

 Silence. You’ve barely moved an inch when he walks within view, and your heart practically chokes you.

 Panting and dripping from either rainwater, sweat or both, his mustard vest is splattered with blood, make-up somehow simultaneously caked on and practically melting off his face at the same time, hair and clothes soaked through and through; you slam the mug on the coffee table in front of you and go to crowd him, but the second you stand up he flinches.

 You know too well how jumpy he can be on a bad day, but this is… different. You’ve been around for the aftermath of him getting jumped in the city many a time, so much so that it’s almost routine, but something tells you that isn’t Arthur’s blood. You feel your forehead break out in a cold sweat.

 His eyes meet yours across the room.

 He’s feral.

 You’ve never once seen him like this. He’s practically vibrating and, for the first time, you find yourself unable to think of what he’s managed to get himself into.

 “...Arthur, darling, what happened?” You’re absolutely cooing at him like a frightened child, but you genuinely don’t know what else to do. “…That’s not your blood, is it?”

 It’s more of a statement than a question - he’s still just… looking at you. Sizing you. And you’re beginning to realise what for.

 At this point you just want to get him talking to make sure they haven’t cut his tongue out or something, but the second you attempt to move again he visibly tenses; he’s wound like a fucking coil and you realise there’s probably only one outcome to this evening now.

“Did you get jumped again?” your eyes hone in on his face. “Shit, your nose is bleeding, Arthur, did someone deck you?”

 Nothing.

  You both stand at a stalemate, silently daring the other to make a move.

 …

 Fuck it.

 You take one step and he crosses the room in a second and all but slams into you, practically crushing you into him and your lips meet in a terrifyingly intense kiss; the rainwater from his hair is dripping onto your face and your nice warm clothes but all you can feel is his warmth, pulsing off of him like the fucking radiator he is. Never, in any of your more�� risque encounters, has he ever ever treated you this way - Arthur makes love, takes his time to feel you and share himself with you. This… this isn’t the Arthur you know.

 No, the Arthur you know wouldn’t be grabbing handfuls of your ass, pulling your hips into his so you can feel how hard he is already beneath his soaked trousers; nor would he be shoving his tongue into your mouth, teeth clacking, to see how far he can push you before you squirm.

 You barely find time to breathe in between kisses, let alone think, and the next thing you know he’s walking you backwards, to the couch, a hand tangled in the hair at the nape of your neck, the other grasping at whatever part of your hips or waist he can find levity on; your knees buckle and you’re pushed - pushed - back onto the couch, landing with a soft ‘oof’.

 You suck in a breath and throw the TV remote at him.

 “Jesus fucking Christ, Arthur, you trying to kill me?”

  Again, you’re met with no response, and you make the same mistake of looking at him. Really looking at him.

 He’s panting as though he’s run a mile, looking down at you as though you’re the fucking finest piece of art he’s seen in his life.

 He takes a step toward your seated form. You don’t move an inch. And you certainly don’t notice the proximity of your face to the tent he’s pitched.

 “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” You feel the hairs on the back of your neck rise at the husky tone of his voice. “Am I being too rough?”

 You actually squint at him; what the ever-loving fuck happened to him?

 “I’m going to need an answer.”

 He’s somehow managed to move even closer now; you move your head a fraction of an inch forward and your mouth would make contact with his zipper. Something tells you that’s not exactly an accident.

 “No.”

 “No what?”

  What the fuck.

 You palm him through his trousers and watch his composure break a little. You know a trap when you see one.

 “What’s gotten into you?” he almost responds, but you drag your hand over him with a little more force. “Cat got your tongue?”

 You cup him a little harder, enjoying the way his eyes fall shut a little too much; with speed you’re not entirely sure you possessed, you unzip him, pull his cock out and have him in hand before he can get a word in.

 You grip him with just enough pressure to make him hiss through his teeth. You give him a sharp tug and he grabs a handful of your hair, hips involuntarily pushing forward.

 “Careful now.” His voice has dropped so low, it actually makes your stomach clench.

 You rub your thumb around the head, smearing the tiny bead of precum across the smooth skin, wetting your lips.

“No, no.” he tuts, taking your chin in his hand. Busted. “No time for that.”

 Before you can get another word in, he’s shoving your skirt up around your waist, all but shoving your face into the arm of the couch as he rips your underwear off of you, throwing the lace into the darkness of the apartment. His hands leave you and you hear the familiar metallic clink of his belt and you actually have to bite into the fabric to calm yourself down.

 Not even bothering to take his trousers off all the way, they pool at his ankles as he kneels on the couch behind you, palming your ass with too little pressure for your liking; Arthur knows exactly how to push your buttons when you’re this worked up and you could honestly just fucking cry.

 “Arthur, please - “

 Your whining seems to work, and before you have time to actually properly beg, he slips a finger along your soaked clit - he makes a noise in the back of his throat and grinds his dick into the cleft of your ass.

 “God, you’re so fucking good, honey, all wet for me, I’ve barely even touched you.”

 You simply push your hips backwards, desperate for any friction you can get before you give up on the charade and start fucking him senseless into the couch; he’s rarely ever this dominant, and you want to milk him for all he’s worth. Literally.

 “Arthur, can you just please fuck me, seriously.”

 He actually laughs, a full on belly-deep laugh, behind you and smooths a hand over your hips, squeezing your love handles as he goes.

 “Since you asked so nicely.”

 It’s the only warning you get before he lines up and sinks into you in one go, the feeling of his hip bones pressing into your ass sending your tongue to the back of your throat as you sink your teeth into the couch cushion to shut yourself up.

 Arthur’s hands are shaking as they hold steady on your hips; he leans forward even more, pressing his bony front against your back, grinding his hips against you all the while. He bites down onto the nape of your neck, determined to leave a lovely reminder for you that you won’t even be able to see. You shift you hips underneath him in an attempt to get him to actually properly fucking move, which results in him sliding in even deeper, and you both groan with the new-found angle and your hand involuntarily shoots out to grab his forearm beside you. He chuckles into a moan and you think it’s possibly the hottest sound he’s ever made.

 No words are exchanged after this, no whispers of sweet nothings; just the sound of his hips slamming into you from behind resounding through the apartment, accompanied with Arthur’s heavy pants and your muffled whimpering into the sofa; he’d never been one for making much noise when he fucked you, but you always liked a challenge.

 Without warning, you blindly grasp for a handful of his hair behind you, and you know you’ve struck your target when you feel the dripping locks twist between your fingers and he grants you an appreciative groan, followed by a hiss through his teeth as you clench around him and pull his head down next to yours in the same breath, causing his hips to stutter and a high-pitched whine to echo through the room and you decide that’s absolutely a sound you want to hear from him again.

 “Arthur, baby, you wanna try something different?” You manage to pant out. You can tell he’s interested by the way his hips stop, but his subconscious just won’t let him not keep fucking you as his cock ever so slowly guides itself in and out as he considers your offer.

 You can tell he’s hesitant; once he finds something that works for the both of you he’ll stick to it, and right now you know he needs this to calm whatever’s going on in that head of his, and you want to get the job done properly. “…Like what?”

 Bingo.

 It’s all the confirmation you need; you manage to pull yourself up to your knees as he slides out of you, and as you rise to stand on shaky legs, you push him gently to sit with his back against the couch. He lands with a soft exhale, and now you can actually see him, you take a second to look.

 Arthur’s eyes have always been one of your favourite things about him, but currently, they’re the last thing you’re focusing on - his hair, soaked from the weather outside, is dark and slicked back out of his face (most likely ran a hand through it when you weren’t looking, but you can’t complain) and his shirt and vest are still on and clinging to his frail form and you make a mental note to rid him of those at the next opportunity. The thought, and any other ringing through your head other than ‘fuck me’ turns to ash in your mouth as you take in the sight of him just…staring at you, with his trousers and underwear still looped around his ankles, his legs spread wide and his cock bobbing against his stomach with impatience and suddenly you find it hard to breathe with the sheer amount of want that overcomes you.

On instinct, you tug your shirt of over your head and begin to rid yourself of any other barriers of clothing, and Arthur follows suit without another word. It only takes you seconds, and all it takes is one step towards him and he’s tugging you into his lap, kissing you with so much fire it makes your stomach coil and his hands are everywhere all at once, smoothing over your back and your hips and your ass and it’s all you can do to stay composed and in control.

 Without saying anything you pull away, as difficult as it is, and turn in his lap to face away from him. Arthur realises in an instant what it is you plan to do, and he’s more than eager to give you a helping hand in guiding yourself onto his dick backwards.

 The second your cunt makes contact with the head, his hands grip your hips so hard you can visualise the bruises already, but your head is nothing but white noise as you engulf him slowly, sinking lower with each outwards breath and the stretch is deep and almost aching, but with how tense Arthur is behind you, you know you won’t be here for much longer.

 You try a roll of your hips to gauge the angle, and the noise that leaves Arthur’s throat is unlike any you’ve heard before, so desperate and needy that he could fuck you on the floor if he wanted to as long as he kept letting you hear him.

 It’s not long before you find a rhythm that works, a mix of your hips working with Arthur’s to get a perfect angle and he’s so deep your head is spinning as your ass works in his lap; he’s actually moaning for once and the sound is addicting - you shift in his lap to try and look at him, but the resulting angle makes him actually shout and you know you’ve not got long left now.

 You’d managed to stave off the pressure mounting in your cunt for some time in favour of focusing on Arthur, but this new angle is making you sweat, and you feel yourself building with every move of his lovely thick cock inside of you. He hits home a bit too well, and you gasp into a moan that almost chokes you; his hands find your tits, finally, and he grips and rubs with his calloused hands as your head falls back onto his shoulder, and he wastes no time in licking the skin between your shoulder and neck as he pants into your flesh, ;pressing searing kisses and nips there.

 “C’mon, honey, it’s ok, I’m right behind you,” hearing his voice so strung out and low does nothing to help you hang on to what little composure you have left. “So good to me, so -” a gasp. “So so good, god -”

 He brings a hand down to your clit, and it’s not even two seconds before your thighs clench around his, your hands turn to vices as you grip the wrist inbetween your legs and the other goes around the nape of his neck; he’s mumbling into your ear now, a mixture of expletives and whispers about how good you feel and how he never ever wants to stop - with one last bite of his teeth into your shoulder, your hips freeze in place and a silent scream leaves you as your orgasm comes crashing down, all but whiting out your vision.

Arthur growls into your shoulder, unable to keep himself from fucking up into you, and he takes the opportunity to keep your hips in place so he can start pushing up into you as you come down from your high; your legs are spent but you keep yourself raised above him as he pounds upwards and it doesn’t take long before you feel yourself building again, Arthur’s death grip on you giving you no other choice.

 You go to speak to him, to try and warn him, but the second your head turns a fraction, you heard him choke on an inward moan, and he yanks your back to his chest, arms around your stomach and chest turning to steel as his hips somehow move even quicker.

 “Arthur, jesus, fucking -”

You can’t even string a fucking sentence together and he actually somehow has the audacity to laugh into your ear, the sound alone sending you crashing over the edge again; this time he’s not able to restrain himself, and he shoves up into you one last time before you feel his cock pulse inside of you, the noises leaving his throat sending your head reeling as it hits his shoulder again; he pushes his face into yours, wanting to feel as much of you as he comes in waves into you, and you think you could die here, right now, and be the happiest woman alive.

 When it’s over, his grip on you loosens enough for you to begrudgingly pull yourself off of his softening dick so you can turn in his lap to face him again. The second you sit on his thighs again, he wastes no time in pulling your head into him, planting wonderfully deep kisses into your weathered lips, his hands lazily caressing whatever skin he can find. When you lean back just enough to take in his face, he’s practically glowing from the endorphins and you snicker to yourself. He raises a brow.

 “Something funny?”

 You run your knuckles down his cheek, and he actually fucking nuzzles into your touch like an alley cat and you have to scoff internally at the ridiculousness of you blushing at the gesture. You present the back of your fingers to him, painted in what’s left of his make-up, the rest of it most likely on you.

 “Just you.”

 You use the paint on the point of your knuckle to paint a smiley face into his chest, above his heart.

                                                             ~

   Loving Arthur Fleck is not simple.

 When you’re not practically forcing food down his throat or whatever else his tiny stomach can handle, you’re trying to have him keep up his regular support appointments; take his meds in the correct dosage, wash his hair for him. You’re in no state to be such a vital anchor for the man, but after the death of his mother and closest friend - if you can even call him that - you’re all he’s got going.

 You know exactly the circumstances in which said mother and friend died, but you both silently vowed to never breach the topic in each other’s company for fear of triggering the staggered response from such trauma. No, for now, you’ll take whatever opportunity you can to enjoy the simple quiet moments, like the gentle hum of The Flamingos record buzzing away in the next room, and you rinse the suds from your lover’s hair whilst he rattles off a few of his trademark ‘jokes’, rehearsing for his next performance.

 Lover.

 The word almost leaves a singe in your mouth without even saying it out loud and you ask yourself when that happened.

 “Honey?”

 “Mm?”

 You know you’re not focusing on anything currently happening in the bathroom, and he knows it as well.

 Arthur takes both of the hands - your hands - from atop his head, tangling his fingers with your own, rubbing his sodden digits into your knuckles, earning a few weary cracks. You don’t know why, but you make no move, say nothing as he stares at you. You feel him carve letters into your flesh, but make no attempt to connect them together at any point, the smoke curling from your mouth dizzying you.

 “You’re wandering again, aren’t you?”

 As he plucks the cigarette dangling from your lips with nimble fingers and takes a drag, you absent-mindedly register the time he first used that phrase to, rather aptly, name your most famous habit. Staying in the present is a challenge for you both, but for you it had become somewhat of a coping mechanism for the constant curveballs life had been throwing at you for the past few years of your life.

 Moving to Gotham to study brought with it a harsh reality that being a student in a city devoured by poverty and unemployment made you, a young woman living with three other university attendees, increasingly vulnerable with each passing day. Your degree course was one of the few in Gotham State that still received government funding, but each tiny slip from you or any other student became a massive red flag to the funding body, and god knows they would find any excuse to pull the plug. You worked your ass off both in and out of lectures, part-timing night shifts at Arkham State Hospital to bring in the cash you needed to make rent for your shitty shared apartment -

 “Darling, please look at me.”

 The stale smell of the smoke uncurling from Arthur’s lips brings you back again, your own blood calling out for the nicotine. He places the cigarette back in your mouth, and you kiss his fingertips quickly as he does so, making him laugh quietly.

 “There you are,” he closes his eyes again as you rub small circles into his scalp again, the way you know he likes. “Thought I’d lost you again there for a second.”

 You scoff, ash cascading from your mouth. You apply a bit more pressure. “Not that transparent, am I?”

 “To me, you are.”

 You hum along to a random song as it echoes through the apartment, pretending to be nowhere near as affected by the statement as you are. Arthur’s point is proven when he smiles like that at you, making your nerves flood.

 The bathwater shrouding Arthur’s naked frame is tinged green; as you rinse his hair one last time, you watch the trails of colour the water leaves in its wake, trace the colour down the bumps of his spine with a finger, making him shiver. You frown.

 Loving Arthur means loving all of him - which you do, violently so. So much so it makes you almost nauseous. But his weight, or lack thereof, always bothers you. Years of putting Penny’s wellbeing before his own meant his appetite had basically vanished all together, meaning that, despite your best efforts to feed him up, he’s barely gained anything in the months of your being together.

 A weary sigh leaves your lungs as you push the stub of your cigarette into the ash tray on the corner of the bathtub, leaning over Arthur as he rubs his hands over his face. Ever the opportunist, he uses your proximity as leverage to catch your chin between his fingers, turning your face to look at him.

 “Thank you.”

 A pause.

 “What for?”

 He smiles and your heart pounds at the sight. He simply averts his gaze to your lips, using his thumb to gently tug on your bottom lip. He leans into you, pressing a sweet, burning kiss to your mouth.

 Your eyes shut involuntarily as you respond on instinct; despite Arthur’s lack of experience in certain areas of intimacy, he more than makes up for it in these moments alone.

 You press back a little harder, and he makes a small noise at the back of his throat that really, really doesn’t help your conscience.

 He pulls away first, sensing your change in mood, one hand laying gently on the nape of your neck, the other resting his fingers on your cheek. He smells like your lavender bath oil and you try to think of any reason to not jump him whilst he’s still in the water.

”You look after me, and I never ask you to do any of this,” you make the mistake of meeting his eyes. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

 The intensity of…. whatever that look in his eyes is puts your body into fight or flight mode, and without even thinking or breathing your legs spring under you and you practically jump up from the stool you’d pulled up beside the tub. The screech of wood on the ceramic tiles makes both of you jump. Your head is practically screaming at you to ‘get out, get out, get out get-’ because this is too much, you haven’t felt this strongly in years, and now you have this fucking angelic man looking at you like you’re the sole reason for his existence.

 Your legs carry you to the threshold of the doorframe. You halt.

 You know you can’t do that. You can’t walk out on Arthur after he’s just opened up to you about something like that; the intimacy of his face terrifies you, but the thought of shattering him frightens you more.

 You turn back to look at him, chest heaving, sweating and dizzy.

 He’s simply sat on the edge of the porcelain of the bathtub, towel wrapped loosely around his waist, looking at you. With that small smile that he thinks hides how nervous he is and it makes you want to jump out of the fucking window.

 “Arthur,” you don’t even recognise the sound of your own voice. “I look after you because you look after me, whether you realise it or not.”

 You… had meant to say more. Instead of making another attempt, you decide to avert your attention to the increasingly interesting fraying wood of the doorframe, distantly thinking about how the record in the next room had stopped playing.

 You’re ripped from your own head as you see Arthur rise in your peripherals; you flinch involuntarily and curse under your breath.

 “Hey, hey, sweetheart,” he coos, flocking over to you. He moves over to you slowly, almost as though approaching a fucking deer. “It’s ok, I’m here. You don’t have to pretend.”

 His voice is so soft and warm, it’s all you can do not to fall into his embrace as he wraps his arms around you, rubbing soothing circles into your back and shoulders. Droplets are falling from his hair and running down the side of your face but you couldn’t give less of a flying fuck, as long as he kept holding you.

 “You’re so brave for me, honey, you don’t even see it,” he sneaks a hand into the hair at the nape of your neck, sending a lovely shiver down your spine, and you cuddle closer into him. “You put on a tough face all the time, it just worries me when I see you like this, that’s all.”

 You feel yourself welling up. You hate crying, especially to him. He has more than enough going on, you’re meant to be the one looking after him.

 “It’s horrible, isn’t it?” You sniff, and he hushes you, pressing his nose to the warm skin of your neck, placing slow, soft kisses there. “I’m such a fucking child, all the time, and I hate it, I don’t see how you can like me at all half of the time.”

 He scoffs, actually scoffs, and you feel him shake his head against the bottom of your chin. Arthur takes your head between his hands, all but forcing you to meet his eye.

 “You’re so wrong. You’re so capable it scares me sometimes - I think my life is hard, but I come home and see you passed out on the couch with your assignment papers in your lap, or I see you come home from doing an overnight shift at the hospital, and all I see is a woman that I know can look after herself.” he smiles. “Almost as well as I can.”

 You snort, despite yourself, and he runs a thumb over your cheek to catch a stray tear.

 “You are pretty good at looking after me.” You admit.

”I know.”

 You tuck your face into the crook of his neck, and he begins to sway gently, humming a tune to himself. You’d happily stay like that until the moon came crashing into the earth, but you know how prone Arthur is to catching a chill.

 “C’mon, chuckles, you should get dressed for bed.”

 He sighs into your hair before you feel a wicked smile imprinted itself there.

 “Dressed?” he presses his lips into the crown of your head, winding the arm around your waist a little tighter. “Where’s the point in that, hm?”

 You roll your eyes at him chuckling at himself in the confinements of your mussed up hair and poke his ribs, making him hiss and bat your hand away. “Alright, yes, Ma’am.”

 He reluctantly lets you go to sort out the bathroom, but turns to face you at the doorframe to give you a rather charming salute. You smile despite yourself.

  “I do wonder why I love you sometimes.”

 …

 Sorry, what?

  You don’t even register the words leaving your mouth, but when they do you’re elbow-deep in the tub, pulling the plug out, and your breath leaves you in one fell swoop.

 His voice is tiny and small and young.

 “What?”

 Oh, you’ve fucking done it now.

  Your body kicks into overdrive, moving at 100mph around the small room to keep your hands busy whilst your mouth runs on autopilot.

 “Yeah, I mean, did I never tell you that? Damn, that’s funny, I can swear I remember saying that to you last week or something, not that big of a deal, am I right?” You laugh far too loud. “Hey, I know, you wanna go out tomorrow night? I’m not working until Tuesday now, so I thought it’d be nice -”

 “You love me?”

 You’re at the open window when he repeats that word back to you and your brain ponders the likelihood of you surviving the jump. You like the odds.

 You can’t ignore him. You know this. You also know you can’t look at him right now because you also know he’ll never be able to say the words back to you because all he’s known is fucking pain and suffering and he’s all you have now and you also know that you’re absolutely overthinking this and it’s probably been about a minute since you said anything.

 You look over to him with your heart in your throat.

 He’s crying.

 You think you might be too.

 “Yes.”

 A breathy laugh that could be either of relief or disbelief leaves him and he rubs a hand over his face. He walks out of the bathroom without a word and you genuinely ask yourself whether or not he’ll come back.

 You don’t know how long you stand there for. Seconds. An hour. You feel your throat closing in on you in panic.

 You walk straight through to the living room to hunt down your pack of cigarettes so maybe your hands will stop fucking shaking long enough for you to get a grip - you’re met with the sound of your favourite record playing from the corner of the room and the sight of Arthur dressed in the new cardigan you had bought for him but he always said he never felt “deserving enough to wear it”. The combination makes you well up again, but with what emotion you’re not entirely sure.

 You stand in the threshold of the room, hands fiddling with the loose strand of your jumper as Arthur approaches you to take your free hand in his. He leads you to the couch, where you perch carefully on the edge of the seat in case you need to bolt before he lowers himself to one knee in front of you.

 “I’m sorry for reacting like that.” You meet his eye, and he strokes the curve of your cheekbone with his knuckle. “I… wasn’t expecting you to say that and I panicked. It was cruel of me to do that.”

 You take his hand in both of yours.

 “Arthur, it’s okay. I shouldn’t have said it like that anyway, I didn’t even mean to say it -”

 “But, you meant it, right?”

 No running this time.

 “Yes, I did.” you run your fingers across his lips. “I do.”

 The smile he gives you is laced with something you can’t quite place but it’s more than enough to put your heart at rest. He kisses your knuckles before leaning in and placing a sweet, searing kiss on your lips, making your fingers curl into the soft wool covering his arms.

 “Good.” Arthur smooths down your hair and presses his lips to your forehead, much like you often do for him. “I love you too.”

 You’d known that. Of course you had, you’re not blind. But the sentiment still catches you off-guard nonetheless and you press your forehead to his, breathing in the intoxicating mixture of his cigarettes and cologne combined with your bath oils.

 “I know.”

________________________________________________________________

[drabblesanddreams]

hey, idk if you’re currently accepting requests but imma try anyway. can u do a scenario with chuuya and his fem!s/o where mori had assigned her to a mission that requires her to stay at the ADA for a while. most prolly bc a new mutual enemy showed up in yokohama. chuuya is agitated and scared bc his gf and dazai had a long history together and they havent had a closure yet and its clear that dazai still loves her. so chuuya would have to ask for assurance from his gf. make it extra angsty! 😂

omg hi!! I loved writing this request so much so tysm for sending it in! Though im not sure its the kind of angst you were thinking of i hope you enjoy it regardless! Also super sorry for finishing it super late, hope yall enjoy!

My kofi link if you wish to support!

TW: just arguing tbh 

Word count: 1.5k

Summary: What happens when you are sent off to work beside a certain ex-mafia member who you share an unresolved history with but your currently with chuuya?

“Hat…check…gun…check…” you mutter to yourself as you recount each of the objects that you had packed for your latest mission. “So, what exactly am I missing, then?” you still feel like something was off however, like you forgot something important. You scrunch your eyebrows together in deep thought as you tried to pinpoint what exactly you were missing. You couldn’t afford to forget anything that might come of use, for this upcoming mission was of high importance.

A new group had recently arrived in Yokohama, threatening the dual existence of the ADA as well as the Port Mafia. This shared threat meant that both organizations had to work together, at least until the threat had been wiped out.

That was where you came in, you had a certain history with one of the members, a history that painted you in a good light which was exactly what the Port Mafia needed in order to establish a functioning alliance.

On the other hand, both you and Mori-san weren’t foolish enough to think that this history meant Dazai trusted you, per se. He was a complicated man with an even more complicated way of thinking who was smart enough to know that trusting someone was one of the most foolish things you could do.

But the fluttering feeling you felt in your stomach was a strong indication of just how nervous you were to be working alongside the handsome brunet once more. You knew how sly he could be with his words, how he could get deep under your skin and make you question things you were so sure about before. You wanted to bury your past in the deep end of your mind, to never resurface again and haunt you. Regardless, your fling with Dazai ended a long time ago and you were now with-

“Hey,” the sudden sound of another individuals voice breaks you out of your deep thought and you blink haphazardly. You straighten up from looking over your backpack to see Chuuya standing by the door, hand seemingly hesitantly placed on the frame, gripping it a little too tightly. He stares at you solemnly, a man just as caught in the spirals of his mind as you were.

“Hey,” your mouth curves into a smile, happy to see your boyfriend before you were due to head off, “What are you doing here?” Chuuya was required for a different part of this mission, and though you were confused to see him you wouldn’t say that you weren’t happy.

“Got you somethin’” You watch as he pulls a bouquet of red roses from behind his back. You smiled warmly at him before accepting the flowers and burying your face slightly in order to inhale their sweet scent.

“You didn’t have to,” you comment, though very much happy as you temporarily place the bouquet on your bed so that you can later place them in a vase. Every day without fail he presented you with a big, bouquet of red roses. The colour as rich and passionate as the foundations of your relationship with the ginger mafia member. It was sweet, really, and never failed to make your insides flutter with affection.

“But what are you doing here? Aren’t you supposed to already be gone?” you question, turning around as he pulls you into his arms, holding you tightly and burying his face in your neck.

“What?” he snorts before planting soft kisses onto your neck, “I can’t see my beautiful girlfriend before she leaves me for another man?” you roll your eyes at his comment, moving back to slap his chest lightly, “Haha, very funny Chuuya.”

He returns to your neck and you’re distracted momentarily as he continues his previous actions. Light sucking, sensual kissing, tender licking, pleasure fills you as you flutter your eyes shut and loll your head back, letting him have even more access to your neck.

“Say it to me then,” he murmurs, and you hum, still too lost with how good his mouth feels on your neck and how his hand was gripping your hip.

“Say what,” you whisper back, and he stops his mission of decorating the skin of your neck with his loving kisses.

“That you don’t still love him,”

You huff, “Love who?” wishing he would just go back to making you feel good.

“Dazai.”

This catches your attention and you open your eyes, moving your head back to look at him in his eyes. Even now up close, the blue of his eyes is breathtaking to you, though they are now set hard with something you can’t quite identify.

Anger? Frustration? You have no idea what it is but its setting you off slightly.

The two of you never mentioned his name, not when it included the context of your previous relationship with said man. Later in the day, you would wish that you did, after all, maybe it wouldn’t have led to the conversation that the two of you were having now.

“What?” you ask, forehead creasing in a state of confusion.

“C’mon (Y/n), I think we both know what’s going to happen when you leave,” he states icily and you blink, shaking your head as you move backwards, sneering ever so slightly, “And exactly what’s going to happen?”

He rolls his ocean blue eyes at you and you cross your arms as you wait for his answer, “I seriously have to spell it out of you? It’s not cute playing dumb anymore doll,” your eyes narrow at his words.

“What the hell’s your problem?” you asked, confused and a tad hurt by his passive behaviour. You had no idea why he was acting like this; you watch monetarily as he strides further into the room and turns away from you. You have the faintest clue though, “Is this seriously over him? How many times are you going to keep bringing this up?!” you ask in indignation

His nostrils flare as he spins back around to face you, “Yes,” he confirms and you throw your hands up in frustration, “We both know that you’re still in love with the suicidal basted.” You wince at his words, you never thought that he would throw the fact right in your face. But his next words shamelessly cause your heart to skip a beat.

“And we both know he’s still in love with you.”

“Jesus fucking Christ Chuuya, unresolved history doesn’t mean that I’m still fucking in love with him!” you exclaim in pure frustration throwing your hands around as you turn away from him and sit back down to your bags on the ground.

“It does though!” he claims, jaw clenching as his voice raises to a shout, “You can honestly tell me that you feel absolutely nothing?” he snarls following you so that he can meet your scowling face. You almost want to shy away from his blazing fury. Chuuya has always been a hot-headed fool, but to take it on you over some insecurity…

“Well, what the fuck do you want me to do Chuuya?!?” you yell, throwing a piece of clothing at him as you stand back up, “What, do you want me to just quit the mission? Maybe move to another city so I never have to see him?” your eyes spark with fury as you continue, “O-or no, you know what? Why don’t I just move to another fucking planet huh?!” you scream.

“I knew I it, I knew you still had feelings,” he shouts back, knocking back his hat slightly so that he can run his hands through the orange strands. You shake your head in disbelief, “But I’m with you because I love you!” you cry out and he stares at you from underneath a heated gaze.

“You seriously have no trust in me? After everything?” you ask, as you stared at him in confusion. You didn’t understand how he could react to you in that way, how he could question everything the both of you went through.

A moment of silence finally overtakes the both of you and you stare at him, breathing heavily as you try to catch your breath.

His gaze darkens, his voice dropping to a low tone, “Yes.”

You flinch at that, eyes welling up pitifully as if he physically assaulted you. You try blinking it away to no avail and instead glare at him hatefully, letting the tears well up as the hot white-anger fill you to the core. All you want is to claw at him, to see him bleed and wail as pitifully as you feel right now.

The only sign betraying the resolute anger you felt was the quiver in your bottom lip. Your breath hitches as you slightly nod in resolution, “Get out,” you whisper.

He stays put, however, and instead fixes you with a hard glare.

“Get out!” You shout furiously, reaching for the bouquet of flowers on the bed and hurling them in his direction, the tears finally spilling down your face, “And take your stupid flowers with you!”

And he did. Leaving you behind with a broken heart and a hollow feeling that you haven’t felt in a long time.

[hattywatch]

Jeff Skinner - Home

A/n: Any time I ever think I am capable of writing a blurb, point me to this, right here. I had the idea for this before I wrote the part 2 to Back Road, but I couldn’t focus on two things at once, so this took a back seat since so many people asked for a sequel to Back Road! This is 13 pages, a little over 5k words and is CLEAN. Totally sfw. 

Requested by my bae @hockeyandtaylorswift, and I would like to thank her and @xolilyxo for reading it and being my fav hockey biddies <3

“I can't keep staying with you guys. I feel like I'm living with an old married couple,” Jeff shimmies past Reino and gets to his seat at the kitchen island, where Eichel is leaning, munching on an apple and watching the toaster.

Jack grabs his bread from the toaster as it pops and Jeff watches as he slides open a drawer for a knife and switches spots with Sam to get to the fridge, neither of them thinking about the motion, it looks so practiced.

The way him and Sam move around each other in their apartment is so comfortable. It was really nice of them to ask if he needed a place to stay when he first moved to Buffalo, but it's going on a month now and he just wants a place to go home to that's his; with a spot on the couch that's his, and a mug that's his, and a bathroom cabinet that's filled with his stuff. He's sick of living out of a suitcase.

“Still haven't found anything, then?” Jack asks in between bites of toast while Jeff sips at his juice and shakes his head no.

Reino shuts the cabinet above his head after pulling a plate out of it and sliding his omelette onto it, “Eichs, you still have the number of the chick who found us this place? She was awesome.”

It's Jack's turn to shake his head as he scrolls through his contact list, “I don't think I do, maybe an email? I'll look through them later and see what I can find.”

Jeff nods and makes a mental note to remind him about it later; he's lived with his new teammates long enough to know that Jack's a scatterbrain about everything that isn't done on skates.

_______

You get the email late on a Monday while you're nestled into your couch with a glass of wine watching The Bachelor.

Hey (Y/N),

I wanna send a new teammate to you bc he's having trouble finding his own place and you really helped me out when I was looking. I lost your phone number but had your email so send me your number and I’ll have him set something up. He's sick of crashing with me and Sam lol.

Thanks,

Jack

You roll your eyes and scroll through your contact list to, Client Jack and text him:

It's me. Just got your email. Send him my way, I’d love to help.

_______

You get a text from a number that isn’t saved to your contacts two days after you responded to Jack’s e-mail.

Hi, I’m Jeff, Jack’s friend. He gave me your number and said that you’re the best realtor around. Do you think you could help me start looking for something this weekend? I have to get my own place before I kill a teammate 😑.

You call him, instead of responding to his text, because you’re a professional adult, and also you’re driving and that’s a dangerously high ticket that you don’t really want to deal with right now.

He sounds confused when he answers, with a whispered, “Hullo?”

“Hi, this is (Y/N) calling for Jeff?” You hear him scramble around a little, before he clears his throat, still speaking lowly but sounding a little more awake.

“Oh, yeah, hi! I didn’t think you’d get back to me so soon.” You laugh because your entire paycheck banks on you getting back to people as soon as possible and being at everyone’s beck and call 24 hours a day.

“I just wanted to set something up for this weekend. I already have a few places in mind I could show you. If you wanted to give me some times you’d be free I could schedule a few showings so we can find you a place before the season starts.” You hear him close a door and he finally raises his voice above a whisper.

“That’d be awesome, I love these guys, but I really need my own space asap. I’ll clear all weekend for you. This is my top priority right now.” He sounds tired and you smile, because you know enough about Jack to know he could be a little bit of a diva and honestly, bless Sam for being able to live with him. But you know it's tough to be thrown into it due to a trade or whatever Buffalo is doing right now, shaking up their team.

“I’ll text you a time for Saturday morning. We can meet at a Starbucks or something? I’ll drive, you’re new to the area, don’t want you getting lost! Does that work for you?”

“Sounds like a plan. See you Saturday.” You say goodbye and hang up. You make a mental note to look up this Jeff character, to see if you could get any information that may help you in finding him a home and so you know what you’re getting yourself into.

_______

You’re not exactly sure what you were expecting when you typed “Jeff Buffalo Sabres” into the Google search bar hours later, but what you found wasn’t it.

You learn the basics, that he was traded from Carolina, and like most hockey players- is from Canada. You click on a video, against your better judgement, and you hear voice, new but becoming familiar, giving canned answers about getting pucks on net and playing hard. What you didn’t expect to learn is that he’s adorable, positively boyish. His smile is wide and his eyes crinkle up with it. He seems like the type of person everyone wants to be friends with.

Quickly you close out of the window on your computer. As easy as he is on the eyes, this isn’t really productive to your pursuit of finding him the right apartment, and stalking is illegal in all 50 states.

_______

The next two days are a blur of showings with other clients and searches for apartments suited for one twenty-something male. You’re pleased that you find three to show him, and hope that he’ll take to at least one of them.

You send out a text Friday afternoon, telling him the time you’ll meet him and to be ready for you to knock his socks off.

Client Jeff: At this point I’d live in a box on the street to get my own space. It isn’t going to take much.

You send back a speak-no-evil monkey and the address of the Starbucks where you two plan on meeting.

_______

When Saturday morning comes, you’re grumpy to say the least. You try your best to get a lot of your showings done during the week to avoid the weekend traffic and get some time to sleep in, but you really liked Jack and Sam and don’t mind doing them the favor of helping their buddy out. Plus, who are you to say no to any new clients you can get.

You dress business casual; smart jeans and a navy-blazer over a plain white tee with some red flats, most of the apartments have stairs anyway. You also manage to get your ass into gear on time and are sitting drinking your coffee when you see Jeff stroll in, 2 minutes to 10.

Quickly, you realize he has no idea who he’s looking for, and you take a minute to observe him undisturbed. He looks around, presumably for you, and checks his phone, laughing at something before fast thumbs fire off a message. He walks up to the empty counter and orders his drink; you hear him say both “please” and “thank you” before he pays and throws his change into the tip jar. You decide you like him already.

When he moves to the other counter, waiting for his drink to be made, you decide to make yourself known. As you tidy up your table, your phone vibrates and you look down at your texts,

Client Jeff: I just realized I have no clue who I'm looking for. I'm here and wearing a Sabres sweatshirt if that helps?

After throwing out your trash, you step up behind him and tap him on the shoulder, “Jeff?” You ask it as a question, even though you know that he’s exactly who you��re looking for. He looks up from his phone and spins around with a media smile on his face, unsure of who he’s about to run into.

“Hi... (Y/N)?” he says with an unfailing smile, but crinkled and uncertain eyes. “Yes, that’s me,” you shake his outstretched hand, “Ready to find your new place?” His smile shifts a little and a dimple pops into his cheek, “You have no idea. Let’s go.” He grabs his drink off of the counter and follows you to your car.

_______

You keep the music on the light channel, soft pop playing from the speakers. Jeff seems content to drink his coffee and sit quietly in your passenger seat, but you’ve never really been one for silence.

“How have you been finding Buffalo so far?” He smiles again at your question, “It’s been good. The team’s really nice, the people who recognize me on the street have been really encouraging. It’s definitely a change in scenery and weather, but it’s closer to home.”

You’re happy to hear that Buffalo has been welcoming. Moving is tough, especially alone. “You enjoying living with Jack and Sam?” The light is red and you catch his eye and smile.

“They’re two of the greatest guys I’ve ever met. It was really awesome of them to let me stay as long as they have. They’d probably keep letting me, but they both have routines and I feel like I’m in the way. I just want my own space, ya know? Nothing against them.”

Nodding, you turn onto the block for the first apartment. “Well, I’ll do my best to help you out. I’m with you ‘til the end now.” He unbuckles his seatbelt as you pull over and put your car into park. You get out and open up your folder to give him the first listing. “This is a newer building. It’s really nice and they cater to a slightly more upscale client and have loads of amenities,” you tell him in the elevator on your way up to the unit.

“This place looks too nice for me, are you sure they’d even let me live here?” You laugh out loud at that, Jeff is clearly the kind of guy who holds up well under scrutiny, the kind of guy every parent wants their daughter to bring home, wholesome looking and polite.

“According to Jack, you’re about to be Buffalo’s golden boy. I’m sure they’d beg you to live here, Jeff.” A red flush rises from his neck straight up to his hairline. “I hope so,” he mumbles out as the elevator dings and he motions for you to exit first.

Outside of the unit, you do your best to feature dump and sell him on the place, “There’s a fitness center, a lounge, a study center, reserved parking, a concierge, 24 hour maintenance, and electronic keys, which is kind of cool. You’d basically be living in a hotel.” Waving the card in front of the knob, you can hear the mechanical whirring of the lock, indicating that the door is opening, so you step in and hold it open for Jeff.

He whistles low and walks past the kitchen through the dining area and into the living room. It’s your turn to laugh, “Okay… I’m guessing you don’t cook much then?”

He shakes his head, looking out of the windows that line the living room wall. “You’d be absolutely correct in that assumption.”

“Well then, not that you care, but these are granite countertops and they’re gorgeous,” you sweep your hand in a flourish towards the counters. He does his best to look sheepish and puts on a smile and nods, “They look…. Very nice?” He rocks back on his heels and shrugs a shoulder up.

“Thanks for trying. Don’t pretend to care for me, you’re the one who has to pick a place or keep living with the dynamic duo,” you smile snidely at his stricken face.

“No dishwasher though, which could be a downside for a guy living on his own,” you look at him thoughtfully, trying to figure out if he’s messy or tidy, as if you could tell from a cursory glance.

“I have siblings, we did chores growing up. I know how to clean up after myself,” you’d almost assign his tone as sassy, but he’s far too sweet for you to do anything but keep smiling at him at try to change the subject.

“No significant other will be living with you? I just realized I didn't ask, rude of me.”

“Nah,” He walks through to the bedroom, “I don’t have a girl right now.” He manages his own subject-change now, “One bedroom?”

You nod, “Uh, yes. Only one, but this building has it all; studios and units with one, two or three bedrooms! I didn’t consider that you may be having visitors. That’s my fault; I should have asked.”

He doesn’t let you berate yourself for long though, “I don’t know if I have a preference. My last place had an extra room and my family never wanted to leave, maybe this would be the hint they needed.” He winks and checks out the closet, laundry room, and bathroom before the tour is over and you get back to your car.

“Okay give me feedback? Love it, hate it? Is it missing something integral?” He buckles his seatbelt once more and looks over at you, “Honestly?” you nod and motion for him to continue.

He heaves a sigh and turns to make eye contact with you, “I have no idea what I’m looking for. When I got my last place I was so young and everything seemed awesome because it was all mine. This time around it’s so... different.” It’s an honest answer and you appreciate that, but it doesn’t really help you figure out if he’ll like the next two places any better than this one.

As you drive to the next apartment, you decide to do some digging, maybe it will help figure out what he's looking for. “You said you have siblings that visit, how many of you are there?”

He turns to look over at you, putting his coffee back in the cup holder, “There’s six of us, plus my parents.”

“Woooow” you let out as you flick your turn signal on. He’s polite and asks, “What about you, anyone come and crash at your place uninvited. Shaking your head, you tell him no, “I’m an only child. Probably better off that way. I can’t imagine having to share with five other people. I don’t think that’s my style.”

“I think if you're raised with it, it's different. You're just used to it.” You nod along because nurture versus nature and all that.

_______

The next two apartments aren't in buildings; one is the whole top floor of a house and the second is the main floor.

Jeff is polite, but you have been doing this a long time and you can tell he doesn't like them as much as the one inside of the complex, but he does seem to prefer the one on the top floor, with the extra bathroom and guest room. You watch as he takes in the dark hardwood floors, but wrinkles his nose at the downstairs apartment lacking a tub, and you start fleshing out a more robust image of what he’s looking for.

As you're driving him back to Starbucks to his car, you decide to ask again, “Okay, I don't expect you to know everything you like, but maybe if you see something on Pinterest or Instagram or anything that strikes your fancy, send it to me and I can get an idea of your tastes? I'm sure you'd prefer turn-key?”

“That's a really good idea. Give me your handle.” You spell out your Instagram name for him and your pocket vibrates with the notification. Your car crunches into the parking lot and Jeff adjusts the hat on his head, “Thanks, I know it's your job, but I really appreciate it. Jack and Sam try to help, but...” he trails off with a shrug.

Laughing, you assure him, “You don't have to tell me. I'm the one who spent 5 months finding them that place.” Jeff's eyes open wide and his smile dims, “5 months? I can't live with them for 5 more months.” You try to head him off at the pass.

“Jeff, if you promise to send me some more things that you like, I promise that I will not leave you stranded with Jack and Sam for 5 more months, deal?”

He opens the car door and gets out, leaning back in with that big smile sticking his hand out to shake. “It's a deal. Just text me whenever. I'm free all this week and next weekend. So if you want me to come see something, I'm all yours.”

You tell him will do and he hops in his car and starts it before you drive away.

_______

He doesn’t contact you for a few days. It’s Tuesday when you get a message late at night, snuggled deep into your bed watching old Friends reruns. The text makes your pillow vibrate and you tear your eyes away from Phoebe attempting to teach Joey French to unlock your screen.

When you see Jeff’s name you’re a little thrown off.

Client Jeff: I think I like this...

You wait, as you assume there’s an image that’s coming along with it.

When it finally comes, the photo is blurry but you make out a marble bathroom. It’s simple and stark white, offset by dark grey floors. It’s something to go on, albeit blurry and small, but it’s something.

Just tell me what it is that you like, and I can def go off of that.

The response comes quicker than you would have expected.

Client Jeff: Tbh, I’m a little drunk at one of Eichs friends house. Idk what I like. It’s clean and open? Different than living with a bunch of slobs I guess.

Before you can send a text back to him, your phone buzzes with another.

Client Jeff: I’m drunk texting my realtor. This is what it’s like being a grown up, huh?

You know that feel, that’s for sure, so you cut him a break and text him back.

Seemed a lot more glamorous as a kid, I know.

You fall asleep with your phone next to your pillow and your laptop on your nightstand, searching for open, bright, clean-lined bathrooms.

_______

After his drunk texts, Jeff opened up a little bit. He sent you tons of posts from @ApartmentTherapy, interspersed with some cute dogs, and funny memes. He started texting more frequently too, asking for restaurant recommendations in the city and making some small talk. You have similar taste in movies and TV, so you have a lot to talk about, but you didn't want to be the one to break the boundary, it's not professional. The second weekend you meet him for showings he has your coffee paid for and ready to go when you walk into the coffee shop.

He ends up breaking the boundary first. You assume it’s because you’re one of about 5 people he knows in the state. He's a really sweet guy, so it isn't like you mind at all. He suggests meeting at iHop for breakfast before your third weekend of showings in a row. It seems like a fine idea, you have to eat anyway and you really like talking to Jeff.

Breakfast is spent with him regaling you of his time training in the gym with Eichs and Reino earlier this week. His impression of Jack has you in stitches as you almost spit your coffee out across the table, smacking your hand over your mouth just in time. It sends him into his own peal of laughter, and ends with him face down on the table, pointing at you and silently laughing.

You head to the bathroom to fix your running mascara and he meets you at the door with your purse and tells you it’s on him when you try to shove money at him for your food.

_______

Obviously his house-mates have picked up on your new-found friendship. Jack had messaged you once to ask you to stop, as he deemed you interruptive to boys night.

Client Jack: Listen, I know you guys are like, besties now… but it’s guys night and we’re bowling and Jeff literally can’t stop looking at his phone. he’s really bringing the team down. I wouldn’t mind if he wasn’t on my team, fuck i’d prob encourage it. But tell him you’re going to bed or something so he can focus! Loser has to pick up the bar tabs, so you can understand where i’m coming from right now, (y/n).

You'd never admit it, but you smiled indulgently to yourself, pleased that Jeff really seemed to value you as a friend and not just someone he was forced to be in contact with.

Oh, so sorry that I’m ruining your night Jack. I’ll tell him I’m going to bed. At 830. On a Saturday.

Client Jack: That’s all i ask.

_____________

All the chatting helped though, each weekend you were able to fill your showings with apartments that were increasingly Jeff’s style. You both discovered that he was decidedly more modern; into clean lines and neutral colors.

You start meeting for breakfast every weekend before your first showing. It’s quickly coming up on two months before you even notice. You get along really well, so working the weekend is almost as enjoyable as your shared breakfasts. The two of you commiserate over summer months quickly coming to an end and laughing easily over people's decorating choices in apartments that are decidedly not the one.

The last listing you showed him had been especially cringe worthy, photographing way better than it looked in person. You step inside and instantly realize your mistake.

Jeff hadn't been looking up and barrels into the back of you, spewing red-faced apologies before he could even peel himself away from your back. “Sorry!” he has a hand wrapped around your waist to keep you from toppling forward under his bulk and you snort, because with his accent it comes out “sore-y” and that always gets you laughing.

You realize it before he does, the fact that his hand is still firmly wrapped around your middle, and you’re starting to get a little self conscious of the way you know your jeans are snug against your tummy under his hand. So you clear your throat and he apologizes again before removing his hand and keeping them firmly in his pockets. The tension doesn’t last long as you go through the rest of the apartment and laugh as Jeff raises his eyebrows at the shag carpet that is inexplicably in the bathroom, and you both hightail it out of there as soon as you can.

_______

It’s not out of the ordinary when he texts you late on a Friday night:

Jeff: After we go to the apartments tomorrow do you have any other clients?

You have been saving your Saturdays exclusively for Jeff's showings for the past two months, so you tell him that.

My Saturdays are solely dedicated to finding you a place to live, doll.

Did you find something specific you wanted to see?

Bubbles indicating he’s typing out his reply pop up, but it stops abruptly. They start and stop a few times, before a message finally comes through.

Jeff: Not an apartment, but there’s this new waffle house that just opened? We can change up our routine, lunch instead of breakfast...

Jeff: If you didn’t have anything else going on.  

You don’t, and that sounds like the type of relaxed weekend that you’re into, so you peck out a reply.

Sounds like a plan.

You send it over and before you can stop yourself you send a smiley face too. _______

The next day you’re positive Jeff will take to one of these units.

They all have two bedrooms, which you've learned he leans towards, just in case his parents or a sibling decide to pop in. They are all turn key- painted and furnished (he hates furniture shopping and doesn't have the time to paint)- very sleek and modern, his preferred style.

Even better, all of them come with in unit laundry. He claims laundry is his favorite chore and prefers to do it himself rather than send it out. And to top it all off, one has a balcony off the master bedroom. You think he'll choose that one, but you don't want to jinx yourself.

When you get through all three without Jeff so much as considering placing an offer, you're confused at best and irked at worst. You know he needs to find a place soon and it’s starting to feel like you’ve shown him every apartment in Buffalo and its surrounding towns. You try to take it in stride, but it’s been two solid months of multiple showings every weekend and you just want a break from it.

The rational side of you also knows that it isn’t Jeff’s fault. It’s a very important purchase and you don’t want to rush him into something just because you want a lazy weekend, but you're still a little disappointed. Jeff drove to all of the listings, “to give you a break,” he had said. He even showed up with coffee and croissants to hold you over until you go to lunch- so you’re annoyed with yourself for being cranky when he’s been so lovely.

_______

You’re clearly doing a good job of hiding your disappointment, so he pulls up to the waffle house all smiles, the dimple on his right cheek digging straight into your heart, and you feel bad for ever being vexed with him. He hops out of the car and walks up to the door and even holds it open for you, holding 2 fingers up to the hostess.

Sitting in the booth bolsters your mood, unused to waiting until after the showings to eat. It smells like heaven, and you look over the menu, already sticky with syrup. Jeff is his happy self, nudging your foot under the table to get your attention.

“What are you getting?” You look up from the menu at Jeff's rosy face and shrug. You love that he's always blushing. He's never really shy with his emotions because he's so easy to read anyway. It seems like a freeing way to live.

“I'm not sure, there's a lot of options. Banana chocolate chip? Red velvet? What are you getting?” You take the time to nudge his foot back.

He confidently closes his menu, “Cinnamon roll, for sure. With bacon.”

You close your menu at the sight of the waitress approaching, “Okay then, red velvet it is. But I'm trying some of yours, too.” Jeff says 'obviously,’ like it's something that you guys always do, and isn't pushing the lines of a realtor/client relationship.

After you place your orders and the waitress returns with a carafe of coffee for you to split, you feel a happy warmth settle from the tips of your toes to the top of your head. You take turns sharing the creamer and sit in a companionable silence before Jeff starts in.

“I’m so nervous for this season,” he stirs his coffee with a spoon distractedly, you see your opening to bring up his living situation, but he continues before you can interject. “D’you think you’d like to come to the opener?”

He sips his coffee with his eyes closed, and you wish you could make eye-contact with him. “Yeah, sounds like fun. I’ll make myself available.” His eyes open at that and he flushes from his neck up to his forehead.

“Did you think I’d say no or something,” he opens his mouth to answer you, but the waitress sets your plates down in between you so he stops. As soon as she walks away you lean over and steal a piece of bacon from Jeff’s plate.

He smiles and it’s wide and bright and beautiful, and as always- punctuated by a deep dimple. He won’t meet your eyes and spends way too long cutting into his fluffy waffles and dousing them with syrup that is surely not trainer approved, “Yeah, something like that.”

You’re halfway through your own plate, starting to get full and sated, when it starts to make sense, you’re spending every week together, bonding over movies and restaurant recommendations. You’re probably the person he’s spent the most time with since his big move. Jeff’s still plowing away through his own plate though, so you try your hand at subtly broaching the issue on your mind.

“Jeff,” he looks up mid-bite. “You know we’re like, kinda friends now right.” He looks like he’s been caught doing something he shouldn’t and he flames up again immediately.

“Are we?” You nod and stuff another bite of waffle into your mouth to keep yourself from smiling at his embarrassment. He draws in close to you, leaning over his plate.

“If put in an offer on the one with the terrace off the bedroom will you still hang out with me on weekends?” You perk up and lean back against the booth laughing at how dumb he is, nodding and trying to catch your breath.

“Yes you dope!” You have another bite  on its way to your mouth when another piece of the puzzle clicks together. The waffle drops off of your fork as you try to control the volume of your voice, you want to yell but you manage to contain it down to a hiss, “Have you not been putting in offers on apartments because you have no better weekend plans, you jerk!?” He has a decency to look chagrined at being caught.

“I didn’t know if I was allowed to keep talking to you after I found something,” he sputters out, shrugging.

“You could have just asked. I haven’t had a day off in months!” You steal another piece of his bacon, you feel like you’ve earned it at this point.

“Are you showing anything tomorrow? We could go out,” Jeff’s fork makes its way onto your plate, you barely notice; did he just-? He’s on it before you can respond.

“I mean- shit.” He takes a deep breath before putting his fork down onto the table with a metallic clank, “Fuck it, yeah tomorrow. What are you doing, let me take you out?” He’s so far from smooth and it’s so endearing you can’t help but smile.

“I’m helping a client place a bid on an apartment. Really nice, eat-in-kitchen and a balcony off the master. Then I have a date, I think? Nice guy, kinda slow, but he’s cute. Lots of curb-appeal, if you catch my drift.”

Jeff’s smile is beatific, “You’re not so quick yourself, so it’s probably a perfect match.” You kick him under the table without malice, too wrapped up in the sugary sweet fullness from lunch and his warm gaze.

“I’m starting to think he’s a fixer-upper. Luckily I’ve got some time.”

[lavenderbones22]

Dark Paradise- Ben Hardy

Summary: Ben's girlfriend is one of the most famous singers in the world. What happens when one night his jealousy gets the better of him?

Requested: 'hiii 💖could you please write something angsty with Ben where the reader is a celebrity, paparazzis and fans follow her all the time and Ben gets mad bc he just wants to be alone with her and he's not used to all of that and they get into an argument? Thank u, have a nice day :)'

Word Count: 2963

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She lived for the attention. She loved the way her name sounded when it was shouted throughout an entire arena. She loved the signs her fans would make, holding them up amongst thousands of people hoping for a chance to be seen. She loved hearing her lyrics sung back to her; so deep and so personal.

She wasn't narcissistic, no, quite the opposite actually. Although she exuded an intense confidence when she stood in front of the microphone, the second she came off of that stage she morphed back into the girl she really was. That girl wasn't weak nor was she self demoralising. She was just a portion of the woman she tried to portray to her audience; someone who was strong enough to live this life and void of pain from the things said about her.

She'd sung since she could talk. Her mother alway said that she could never get her to stop once she knew how and that memory always made her smile. She was addicted to Sing Star, her friends never understanding how she was so good and they were not. It was something that just came natural to her, something she didn't think twice about.

She had thought twice about a lot of things in her life and along with singing, her boyfriend Ben was another. Having met two years ago and shortly after entering into an exclusive relationship, Ben had quickly become her second vice. She wasn't known when they met, he more familiar to the public due to his character on Eastenders. In the two years they'd been together her career had grown, thrusting her full force into a farfetched level of fame that she had only ever dreamed about.

And although she had work commitments most days, more times than not often taking her out of London, her relationship with Ben still continued to blossom.

Ben always remembered the moment he met her as clear as day. They were in a coffee shop, her arms full from the orders of everyone in her office; she was the new receptionist. She had nearly dropped the tray but lucky for her Ben's reflexes were on point and he was able to stop them from falling out of her arms.

"Thank you," her voice was sweet as she looked into the eyes of the blonde boy.

"S'alright," he'd responded, helping her put the coffees back in their original spots. "D'ya need any help?" He couldn't stop himself from looking at her pink, plump lips as she licked them unintentionally.

"Erm, I'm fine thank you." The way she had looked at him, as if begging him to say something more. The lip bite too, was what proceeded to made him weak at his knees and what followed was totally out of character for him.

"Well then, I'd really like to see you again. Can I have your number?"

And that was it.

Weeks later they were dating exclusively, neither second guessing the speed at which they were moving in their relationship. They figured if it felt right, so why not?

Lately though, Ben had been feeling aggravated. He loved his girl more than anything but that was just the problem. He loved her and he wanted to spend all the time with her that he could but so did everybody else in the entire world. She was being pulled constantly from pillar to post and trying to please everyone and of course Ben saw that, he saw just how hard she tried to balance all the aspects of her life but that didn't make it any easier on him and how he felt.

He was busy too though, filming 'Bohemian Rhapsody' where he was playing rock legend, Roger Taylor. She'd only managed to visit him on set once. And that once was basically her socialising with his co-stars who at the time hadn't realised she was dating Ben and naturally all freaked the fuck out.

He loved seeing that side of her. He knew why everyone loved her, she was an incredible person. But he wanted her to himself. Was that so bad?

Just last week he'd organised a date night at her favourite restaurant in London. Not only were they followed from the car to the restaurant by the incessant snaps and calls of the paparazzi, but during their dinner the paparazzi were pressed up against the window constantly taking photos. The pair ended up moving tables where they weren't seen but by then, they had both had enough and taken the back door exit .

"Ben?"

Her voice rang through the home they shared in Chelsea.

"Are you home?"

Putting her Louis Vuitton bag down on the kitchen table, she went to the fridge and poured herself a glass of iced tea.

"Babe?" She called again.

"'m here," he responded lazily, walking in from the study.

"Why'd you not answer me the first time?" She questioned him, rinsing her glass and putting it away.

"Sorry, I was concentrating." He typed away at his phone. She frowned. "Was going over some lines."

She could sense he was acting a bit off. Usually being so affectionate and attentive to her, kissing her almost immediately when she walked in the door. Unpacking some things their housekeeper had bought from the grocery store, her eyes remained on him as he hadn't yet looked up from his phone to even acknowledge her.

She let it go a few moments, maybe she was overreacting. But after at least five minutes had passed and zero interaction on his end, she had to say something.

"What's going on?"

He looked up at her, finally. His green eyes, usually bright and igniting, were dull.

"Nothin'."

She rolled her eyes at his mediocre response. "I don't appreciate being lied to Ben." The air around them was beginning to tense, the low sounds of 'The Doors' playing from the study where he'd been inhabiting the past two hours was the only thing making the situation at present even slightly bearable.

"I literally only said nothin'" he scoffed with a smirk on his face she wanted to slap right off. He pulled a chair out and sat at the table, face glued to his phone once more.

"No need to be condescending," she sighed. "You're being a dick, Ben. Have you got a problem with me?" It saddened her. She knew they were about to get into an argument, something they never did.

"I've barely spoken since you got in," he laughed arrogantly. "How am I being a dick?"

"It's the way you're talking Ben!" Her voice was getting louder. He was being impossible. "You're speaking to me like I'm a piece of shit on the ground." She slammed the fridge door after having put the milk inside.

"Calm." His tone insinuated he was mocking her.

He knew he was being an ass to her; it was purposeful. Although he knew none of what was going on was her fault, she was simply the only person he had to take it out on. And besides, she could try a little harder with their relationship. To put it simply, Ben felt second, heck, he felt one hundredth best in her life right now.

"If you speak to me in that tone one more time, I'm leaving." She knew he thought her threat was an empty one. She even thought that maybe it was but she also knew that she had so many other places to go if Ben wasn't going to treat her right.

"You're not leaving," he put his phone down on the table and looked at her. She looked like she was about to burst into tears. Shit. Now he felt bad.

"If you're not going to speak to me in the way that I deserve then I will leave Ben. Don't tempt me, because I'll get my shit and I'll be out of here so fucking fast." She could feel the tears brimming the corners of her eyes and she was desperately trying to avoid his big eyes that were now heavily set on her.

"Stop acting like I'm some sort of abusive bastard," his accent was pronounced like it usually was when he spoke sternly, something she usually found charming, but not when it was directed at her.  "I treat you like a queen and you know it!"

"Then talk to me Ben!" She yelled, gesturing her hands at the blonde boy. "Tell me what the fuck is going on inside of your head because although I know you like the back of my hand I can't read your mind so I really need you to help me out here!" Her voice was breaking as she spoke to him. The tears having already fallen down her cheeks.

His anger had dispersed and made way for his guilt. He hadn't stopped to think that maybe all of this was getting to her too.

"I just miss you," he spoke lowly.

She raised her brows. "You miss me?"

He nodded. "You always have everybody wanting your attention. I never feel like I get to have you to myself anymore. There’s always paparazzi or fans or friends or whoever the fuck else," he explained. “I just miss the days when it was you and me against the world.”

Her heart broke a little at what he was telling her."Why haven't you told me you felt like this sooner?" She was stood beside the table where he was still sat in one of the chairs.

"No clue honestly. I guess I'm just not as used to all of this as you are."

"You need to speak up Ben. Because if you don't tell me I can't try and change anything," she pulled the chair out opposite to him and sat down. "Besides, you're going to have to get used to this sort of attention yourself once the movie's out," she smiled. "The girls will go crazy for you."

"Yeah, right," he laughed. "Not likely."

The two shared a moment in laughter. Both feeling more relaxed now that the worst seemed to be over.

"We okay?" She asked him, leaning across the table and grabbing his hands in hers. "I love you. It’s still us against the world. Always will be."

"We're fine," he smiled, his green eyes lighting up again like they always did when he looked at her. "And I love you too."

She took this moment to get up and sit on his lap. "You know what..." her voice had lowered now, sultry.

"What?" His hand was on the top of her ass rubbing lovingly. Hers both around his neck as she looked down at him.

"I'm not busy now..."

Ben certainly wasn't a miss to her suggestion, picking up what she was laying down right away. He pulled her onto his body fully, her legs sitting either side of his muscular thighs as he began to ravage her neck

"Well you will be in a second," his lips against her skin felt like heaven, hands rubbing her full ass that was covered in her tight jeans. She started rubbing herself against him by moving back and forth, feeling him grow underneath her as the pressure between them became more taut.

His mouth was attached to hers in a hot kiss, tongues messy, moans slipping wildly from each of their mouths.

Breaking the kiss, Ben pulled away looking over her gorgeous face.

"You are so beautiful." He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose. She giggled. Then he kissed her lips. "I love you."

"I love you too," She replied, her hand on his neck, their foreheads against one another.

Ben had a way of making her feel like she was the only girl on the planet. That was why her reaction to his behaviour the last little while was so dramatic; it was completely out of character for him. Whenever they were together, which was most of the time, she always felt safe, protected, desired but most of all she felt loved. He was her number one, her partner in crime. So naturally, when one feels that beginning to strain stress levels rise.

She tilted her head back and moaned loudly as his teeth dug into the skin of her neck.

"That's right baby, be as loud as you need to be," he coaxed her. He loved it when she screamed, let him and the neighbours know who was making her feel so good.

Her  fingers clenched onto the fabric of his t-shirt on his shoulders while his big hands gripped tightly at her hips. She started to grind against him harder, he was practically fully hard now. He groaned loudly as the pressure between their bodies was at an all time high; she needed him naked as soon as possible.

"Take this off," she demanded, running her hands up his stomach against his hot skin and helping him pull his t-shirt off. "I just don't understand why you even wear shirts," she giggled eyeing the muscles that moved underneath his skin. She certainly didn't miss the enlarged veins running along his forearms.

"I just don't understand why you do either," he retorted with his hands immediately underneath hers, t-shirt and ripping it over her head. His lips were along her collarbone, licking, biting, sucking and she drove her nails into the skin of his back. He groaned, Ben loved it when she left marks across his back.

He moved his hands behind her back and unclipped her bra, it falling down beside them. His mouth was on her nipple without a thought. She arched her back so he had a bit more room and had her hand behind his head holding him in place. His tongue flicked and bit down creating more noises from her. Ben had always been a boobs guy, often telling her that hers were one of his favourite parts of her body.

Hands moving up her body slowly, pulling her into him as he devoured one breast then the next. This man could virtually bring her to orgasm by simply doing that.

"Fucking hell your tits!" He growled, pulling away and kissing her passionately again. "They'll be the death of me," he chuckled.

A smirk and a hand along his waistband brought his attention elsewhere.

She opened his jeans , his erection already rebelling against its restrains. Pulling them down along with his underwear she freed his huge cock, the veins already prominent and thick, and she began to jerk it.

"Mmm, let me..mmm," he could barely get a sentence out with her fingers around him like they were. He didn't need to vocalise what he wanted; she knew.

"Here," she released him for a second while she pulled her underwear down and over her legs, throwing them away. "Better?" she smirked.

"Much better," a contented smile on his face.

She inhaled sharply when she felt his finger against her wet folds. He pushed it in, curling it at exactly the right spot, causing her to squeal. Pinching her clit hard, she gripped him tighter and let out a small shriek. He moaned against her lips before kissing her hard and sliding two of his long fingers into her pussy. She let herself sink forward, not being able to support her own weight anymore, and she moaned against his neck while she continued to jerk him.

"Make up sex is so hot,"he groaned, hardly able to keep concentrated on her, but still alert enough to keep fucking her with his fingers.

Their foreheads rested against each other while they both moaned, enjoying the moment of intimacy after such heated words and stressful situations. "Me too," she groaned when he rubbed the palm of his hand against her clit and added a third finger.

That was the moment he chose to retrieve his fingers and put them in his mouth, sucking them clean. "Fuck, you taste good baby." A fresh set of goose bumps ran down her spine and arms. This man was the king of turning her into a melting mess. She smiled at his comment and directed his face to her own, kissing him with all that she had.

He ran his fingers through her hair and kissed her back, sucking on her lower lip, rubbing his nose against hers.

She jerked his dick softly in a circular fashion and kissed him, licking his tongue. "I love you so much... so fucking much," she murmured between kisses and she felt him smile against her lips. "I'm sorry for making you feel forgotten." His hands settled down on her hips, lifting her up a little.

"Don't worry about it," he reassured her "But I love you more darlin'," he grinned and positioned her over his erection. "Ready?"

"Born ready," she announced happily and moaned while he sank her down on his erection. His dick practically pierced into her small body. She was sure that if she took her hand out of Ben's hair, she could feel him in her belly. He increased the pressure on her hips and started to move her up and down his cock, causing him to groan and to start panting.

"Oh fuuuuuck," he moaned with an open mouth and big eyes. She absolutely loved the way he moaned so freely and loudly. He ran his hands through her long hair and moved with her, pushing his dick into her. "Oh fuck, you feel good. My beautiful girl you feel fucking good..."

Her fingers were tangled in his hair as she bounced up and down. Not so soft sounds falling out of me like raindrops from the sky.

"I'm nearly there," she warned him. "So close."

He gripped her tighter, knuckles white, as he brought her to her orgasm. Loudly, she tightened around his cock, her juices coating him nicely. That feeling brought his own orgasm on rather quickly, shooting into her before he knew what was what.

There was no mistaken that make up sex was indeed one of the best.

"Fuck babe," he laughed as he dropped his sweaty forehead against her shoulder. "Such a good fuck."

"And remember," she put her fingers underneath his chin to make him look at her. "No one else gets me like this. Only you Mr Hardy."

TAG LIST: @fuckinghurricanesoul @spidreling @tanya-is-dead @ziggysstarrdust @screaminggalileochickenwrites @galileoqueen-mama-mia @mortifiedmoon @softbenhardy 

[wannawrite]

Double Trouble

who?: Wanna One’s Kang Daniel, Nuest W’s / Pd101’s Kang Dongho genre: 🌺 type: bullet point blog navigator. • weeks leading up to prom, someone has been dropping love letters into your locker • you’re certain about who you’re prom date is going to be....or are you? rae, @lalisalsa, requested this and she really loves angst so I’ll try to make it v v angsty >:) HOPE YOU AREN’T DISAPPOINTED BEB sorry this is so short and delayed and kind of sub-par, I’ve just been extremely busy and exhausted. - Admin L 

disclaimer: photos used do not belong to me and all credit goes to their original owner 

• Who? • You needed a name. • Who had been the person dropping secretive love letters into your locker? • The envelopes were a soft, baby pink spritzed with a flowery, dreamy perfume and containing words written on creamy paper that would make anybody’s heart flutter. • they made your heart beat terribly fast and redness rush to your face immediately • all of you friends would snicker and tease you about the mystery sender • NDOSHSKDH WHO IS IT • THIS IS SO UNFAIR • again, this is set in a high school - junior college AU bc I am BLAND and unimaginative • the first letter came in when it was about a month before prom • and it wasn’t signed or stamped with some mark that signified who the secret admirer was • but it came nicely packaged and clearly, a lot of effort was put into it • love makes you do peculiar things • anyway, you were shocked, stunned, brain unable to process that someone had written a LOVE LETTER to YOU • sounds pathetic but uh...not everyone gets this on a daily • you haven’t gotten one in...7 years?   • LET ME REJOICE IN PEACE • haha • those kindergarten love letters count okay. yet, I never received any rip my love life since the start • i :) was :)) unlikeable :))) romantically :)))) anyway :))))) • if anyone tryna fall in love for the new year, do hit me up • I’M KIDDING • or am I? • is the sender serious playing games with you right now? • You’re on the brink of losing it • okay, let me read out what your secret admirer sent • a small excerpt because everyone can keep their secrets ;) • ‘one day, I hope you’ll come to accept my feelings for you. I can only hope my dreams of us together would come true.’ • ‘humbling myself to finally look into your eyes and confess my love in person.’ • *add 5-7 more lines that I was too uncreative to write* • I’m sorry, I’ve never professed my love to anyone before • okay maybe...once? but that's a story for another time • and - how unromantic of me - I did it over text so uh...0 experience • WHAT DOES THIS ALL MEAN? • HAS SOMEONE HAD A TREMENDOUS CRUSH ON YOU • FOR SO LONG THAT THEY CONSIDER IT LOVE • how adorable • you find them lovable already • unless they’re some creepy, stalker/serial-murderer • racist • misogynist • okay you get the drift • you had clutched the letter close to your chest, feelings stirring up inside like a whirlwind • warmth rushing to your face as your trembling fingers fought to tuck the note into your backpack - out of everyone’s sight - and lock up your locker • without taking out your books for the necessary classes lmao • if you were a cartoon character, there would be a crown of hearts floating over your head and the beating of your heart would be the main bgm • ‘hey y/n,’ your close friend and table partner, Choi Minki greeted with a grin on his face, his navy school bag slung over one shoulder, hands shoved into the pocket of his school slacks. ‘Ready for class?’ • brain: no No nO NO I’LL NEVER BE READY • you: yupp! :D super ready!! Ever ready!! ✨🌸💖🌸✨💫🌸💕💖 • you: boRN ReADY 😫😫😤😤👏🏼😭💯💯👅👅🤣🤣🤣 • brain: MISSION ABORT MISSION ABORT YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO FOCUS ON CLASS WITH THIS SECRET ADMIRER ON YOUR MIND • *sobs for eternity* • well uh what the hell happened in maths class??? • you were 90% sure that all the curious stares from your classmates were due to the fact that your eyes were glossed over, clearly in some sort of la-la land. you rested your chin in your hands, lips letting out a dreamy sigh once in a while • ‘MATH NOTES’ was scribbled in a pink Midliner - art marker - at the top of your notebook page but other than the date, the lines were left blank • your mind was too busy focussed on a different date • even Minki was having a hard time figuring out what was wrong with you • *poke poke* • ‘hey, can I borrow a stapler?’ • *no answer* • instead, he spots a couple of different coloured hearts scrawled on your notepad • ahh • love virus • I love Nu’est with all my heart • ignored, Minki moves on to ask Aron - the classmate sitting in front of you - for a sharpener • Aron’s brows furrow in confusion when he sees you, then he laughs it off, shaking his head. • ‘ahh, who is it that has taken our dear friend’s heart?’ • I’ve been reading many webtoons recently bcI’vebeenquitestressed and I can totally imagine how this would look like • especially with the blushes! • uhm who were you? you rarely ever dozed off or daydreamed in class. This was a huge first for you • the bell finally rang and Minki had to shake you out of your oblivion • the sides of your forearms were neatly decorated with Midliner ink, signed by Choi Minki • ‘huh?’ • ‘let’s go! We’ll be late for chemistry!’ • I sense chemistry between my secret admirer and me • THIS MUST BE A SIGN • THEY MUST BE IN MY CHEMISTRY CLASS • your sneakers slap against the tiles, the sound of the impact echoing down the hallway as you race towards the laboratory • dishevelled, you and Minki arrive just before your teacher does and you scramble to take a seat • both of you end up sharing a bench with Hwang Minhyun and Kim Jaehwan, right behind Kang Daniel, Ong Seongwoo, Ha Sungwoon and Yoon Jisung • HYUNG LINE • Minhyun texts you often so you don’t have any qualms with sharing a bench • he just doesn’t have any shared classes with you or Minki, or Aron,,,or Dongho this term :((( • but, intimidation creeps upon you when you realise you’re surrounded by members of a popular clique in school • Minki is friends with all of them so he pays no mind and probably doesn’t sense your ‘I’M FREAKING OUT’ signal • however, as soon as class starts, you’re back to meddling with your suspicions on who the letter sender is • suddenly, your ears pick up soft taps on your bench and you’re snapped back to reality • or is it? • because Kang Daniel, turned his seat around to face you, eyes twinkling with a smile • ‘hi, uh...could I borrow your periodic table for a second? I forgot mine in my locker.’ he asks, ears reddening the slightest bit • still entranced by his gorgeous features and suave tone, you absent-mindedly hand him your print out, not realising you’re checking him out • what a view • I could stir up some chemistry between me and you • *holds up stirrer* • enough puns pls they’re so bad anyway • his eyes scan over it for a second before he writes down his answer and returns the paper back to you • ‘thank you! oh, I’m Kang Daniel, by the way.’ • SWOON • cue Minki and Minhyun’s amused, muffled giggles • ‘oooh heHeHEhEHehE >:)’ • you introduce yourself • then return to work • but your eyes sweep over Daniel’s desk, and it seems as if he’s hard at work, penning something down • it doesn’t have anything to do with chemistry • because he wrote the title as ‘the love I want to confess’ • OH • MY • GOODNESS • !!!!!!! • brain: stop stop stop!! It doesn’t necessarily mean ANYTHING! DON’T MAKE A FOOL OUT OF YOURSELF • yeah, you decide to listen to your head, pulling your lips into a tight smile as you try to refocus your attention on your worksheet • Minki wants to stab you in the heart with a stray pair of vernier calipers he found • probably from a physics class kid who walked into the wrong lab and dropped it • you don’t die and make it back safely • at home, you keep the letter, tucking it away from prying and curious family • hope rises as you fall into bed and pull the covers over your head • but no letters are present in your locker the next day • and the next • and the next • ....and the next • until, one day, you don’t expect anything anymore • studies have taken over most of your thoughts • you’re just about ready to go prom outfit shopping with your friends when you remembered you had left your notes in your locker • an identical envelope tumbled out of your locker • it landed on the floor with a loud thud • or was the sound from your heart? • again, I shall reveal a small portion if this confession • ‘getting ready for the big day already? well I hope you’ll only be dancing with me.’ • ‘never worry about my identity, you’re inching closer to me everyday.’ • more clues • well, recently, you had made friends with a transfer student, Jeon Heejin, hung out after school with Minki and Aron and gotten Kang Daniel’s number • on Thursday afternoon, Dongho and Kyulkyung had invited you to go bowling and that was how you spent your afternoon • hm • at least you managed to form a group of suspects • it had to be one of them • there was only time left to wait and see • 1 week and 4 days before prom,,, • I’m sorry I’m skipping over a lot of plot development and elaboration :((( • this time was different, the sealed envelope was waiting for you on your desk • and it just happened that you running late that day, stuffing your breakfast sandwich into your mouth as you dashed to your table, shoelaces untied and uniform unkempt • you paid the latest love letter no mind, tossing it into the bottom of your school bag, it lay there, forgotten • until,,, • ‘hi, do you have the textbook? Can I borrow it?’ Dongho whispered as he bumped into you in the corridor, probably on the way to his next class empty-handed • rolling your eyes in a playful manner, you unzipped your bag with the intention of taking your textbook out • uh...looks like you need to be a tad bit more organised in that department • schools supplies were jumbled up in your bag, a couple of items fell out of the open flap • including the letter from the secret admirer • puzzled, Dongho picked it up along with the rest of your things • ‘ooh, a secret lover?’ he teased, eyes speckled with curiosity • immediately, you yanked the envelope out of his grip with a blush seeping onto your face • ‘n-nothing! you’ll be late for class!’ you called, shooing him off before he could say anymore • thankfully, your friend was kind and understanding enough to let the matter drop • you managed to make it through the day without much problems. school was rather eventful, you got a chance to bond with Daniel and Minhyun over lunch because Minki was sick • ripping open yet another packet of jellies, Daniel whined, brows furrowed, ‘hyung, are you sure you can’t make it next week?’ • next week? • Minhyun sadly shook his head, biting his bottom lip in an upset manner. ‘I’m sorry Daniel. I have some committee things to settle at the time of your game.’ • game? • oh, pre-prom activities • Daniel sighed in disappointment, he chewed on a candy to calm his feelings • ‘wait, you can invite your new friend. It’ll be a first and it’ll be more fun!’ Minhyun suggested, gesturing to you in an attempt to cheer Daniel up • Daniel went from staring into space to excitedly chatting about it • words you caught: prom, basketball game, hyung always goes to cheer me on, the rest of my friends are coming but it isn’t the same • ‘woah, woah!’ you uttered, putting your hands up in a gesture for him to slow down. • ‘so are you in?’ • YES. I DOVE IN HEAD FIRST • ‘sure I don’t mind going.’ • the boy practically jumped across the table to embrace you tightly. ‘ • ‘wear my jersey!’ • uHM WOAH I KNOW WE’VE BEEN FRIENDS FOR THREE WEEKS AND TEXTED AS MUCH AS I TEXT MY NU’EST FRIENDS BUT WOAH • ‘of course! If you don’t mind.’ • ‘thank you! I love you so much!’ Daniel yelled before continuing on about how much he was anticipating the game • i  l o v e  you so much • is it Daniel? • you gaped in shock, sitting in silence as the beats of your heart drowned out anything else • Daniel • Daniel was the man in love with you • that was the only thought that plagued your mind for the rest of the day • hmm what did that letter say after all? • ‘one more week to the dance, looks like a I’m cutting it really close. Apologies. You’ll see soon.’ • ‘Don’t worry. If anything, I’ll be the one dateless at prom. You’ll always find a knight in shining armour in me. Let’s not joust anymore’ • ‘Kiss me in A summer Night dream? I’m thinking of only you, my Gem.’ • so romantic • I’ve found out that I absolutely have 0 talent in writing love letters • tbh these are so creepy I would be calling 999 already   • my love life only taking Ls • SUSPECT ACCUSED • SUSPECT GUILTY • SUSPECTED: KANG DANIEL • geez he really put effort into these and only reveals his name now wow • for that, I shall wait to text my reply hehehehe >:) • wouldn’t it be better to talk to him in person? I’ll call him to go out later • ahh, he’s busy training for Monday’s game • we can talk then! :) • your family nearly dies of shock when you burst through the front door, a skip in your step and screaming out incoherently • they don’t question your strange behaviour though • something magical is gonna happen at the game and you’re sure of it • clad in Daniel’s jersey, you make your way to the school stadium the following week, itching for the big surprise, your lips tugged into a gigantic smile • students start to fill in the sports hall, gossiping excitedly and predicting how the friendly game would play out • even Heejin attends the game, face pink and hair tucked into a coral beanie. She offers you some chips • Daniel’s most likely still gearing up for the game so you agree to sit with her on the bleachers to watch. • just as you approach the busy stairs, someone calls your name loudly from behind causing you spin round and nearly knocking into the broad chest of a cheerful Dongho • ‘I didn’t think I would be seeing you here,’ he said, pleasantly surprised. His gaze flickered to your shirt - Daniel’s school team jersey that is. ‘How supportive of you! So sweet. • *head pats, dad boyfriend smiles* • Dongho and Daniel would so get along! You could pretty much feel your heart soaring with elation • This is perfect! All I’ve wanted in life! My friends and my future boyfriend let’snotgetaheadnowshallwe to be close friends too! • Suddenly, just as you were about to gush about Daniel and his undying love, Dongho grabbed your hand. • ‘c-can we head outside for a second? I need to talk to you about something urgent.’ • ‘ATTENTION LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE GAME WILL BE STARTING SOON...’ • you grimaced, wanting to be the first one to catch Daniel’s eye when he emerged onto the court • ‘sorry, but we should take our seats, I’m sitting with Heejin, come join us. You know her, uhm, the transfer student, physics-‘ • you jumped as loud airhorns sounded to announce the arrival of the teams • Dongho quickly hustled the both of you to your seats • the crowd of students started cheering wildly when your school’s team emerged led by Lai Guanlin • your screams were the loudest when Daniel stepped out of the shadows • his charming gaze bore into yours, a smile gracing his features • HEART BEATING STARTS ACCELERATING • HE DOESN’T BREAK EYE CONTACT EVEN AS HE ACKNOWLEDGES THE CROWD • WHATTA MAN • ‘it was me.’ A familiar voice whispers into your ear • WAIT WHAT? • your eyes go wide like glossy marbles, confusion beginning to stir within you • No, I could be wrong. I barely heard him anyway. I’ll ask later • ‘I was the one who sent those letters to your locker.’ • w h a t ? • no way • ‘it isn’t Daniel.’ • Daniel smiles at you one more time as the referee begins to signal for them to take their positions • your grip tightens around the hems of his precious jersey • you aren’t sure what to make of the sudden situation • Dongho • What’s his last name? Kang • Daniel • Another Kang • The Kang twins daddies  • two Kangs, one of them has been sending you love letters • you want to believe it’s Kang Daniel, your new friend and crush • but it’s the boy who has been your friend for so long you don’t exactly remember for how many years • thud thud thud • looks like you’re caught between the two Kangs • Dongho’s eyes are begging you to believe him, trust that he’s telling the truth • Daniel’s eyes are clear, bright, they aren’t ones of deceit • ‘I-I....’ • you can’t seem to form a coherent reply • your lips seal shut, forcing your jaw that fell in shock to close • the referee blows the whistle, Dongho’s eyes don’t leave yours • the crowd drowns all other noises, yet all you can hear is the thudding of the ball, the sound of your fragile heart crashing against your ribcage • Daniel? • or Dongho? • let the game begin

[thatcrazygloryfan]

So one of your artworks kinda inspired me and… With some help from an odd dream the other night, I present to you my effort at a QZGS fanfic (though this is more of a oneshot?) I don’t use tumblr or any fanfiction sites, so I guess this would be the best way to send it. (with my

really 

old askblog, at that.. It’s.. It’s embarrassing, I know.)  I told myself not to do this but I did it anyways so now that essay is just gonna have to be incomplete just a little bit longer. (I didn’t want to do it anyways :’) so I guess this saved me…) Here are my potato writing skills portraying my own potato idea. I’ll try and keep this short… ———————————————— 

Never Abandoned

————————————————  Silver flakes drifted down from a cloud-colored sky as the ever-silent, now-exiled Battle God stepped out onto the cold streets that criss-crossed the city, intertwining between the many lit buildings as if it were an intricate, delicate spiderweb. He gently pulled at his coat as he turned away from the brightly glowing headquarters of Excellent Era, the crimson glow of the leaf-shaped emblem bringing thoughts that he would rather be without. He walked. Striding through the winter was certainly taxing on him, since the frigid cold bit at his exposed skin, and the only clothing he owned were the ones on his back. A faint jingling came from his pocket, due to the account card that still rested there.  Continuing through the city, enveloped by the artificial light of the lamps and signs, he picked up his pace and made it to the oceanside. Reflecting off the dark waters were the brilliance of the landscape behind him, twinkling and shining as if they were man-made stars. A sigh escaped his mouth as he contemplated the circumstances of less than an hour ago. The shaking of his hand. The cold voices of his former teammates. The tone of the one who had uprooted his authority and made his own hand sign his name upon a sheet of paper that would strip away his passion and living for an entire year.  A mist escaped with his breath and floated into the air, and disappeared like a vapor in the wind. The god’s gaze darted around, looking at the empty streets, devoid of activity. It was only him, several lone lampposts, unoccupied benches, and the cobblestone sidewalk below. No.. It wasn’t completely empty. There was a single individual standing a short distance away, their shadow illuminated by the pale, ivory-colored glow of the wrought-iron street lamps. His eyes narrowed ever-so slightly, the details jumping out at him.  Clothed in a long black coat ornamented with sharply outlined contrasts of angular golden trims and patterns, the silent figure stood there alone, much like himself. The only thing that stood against the ebony color of their entire vestment was the scarlet cape that hung from their shoulders, bearing a single, brassed tassel at the end. They looked.. Familiar.

Too familiar.

Driven by his curiosity, Ye Xiu, otherwise known as Ye Qiu, stepped forward. His single step rang out against the muted hustle and bustle of the night city, seeming abnormally loud when compared to the dimmed sounds of chatter, machinery, and the softly sloshing waves of the nearby sea. Within only a few strides, he had approached this mysterious silhouette, and he was about to say something, had they not turned around first. Staring back at him was.. Almost the spitting image of himself. Except he knew it wasn’t. He was very familiar with this person- his companion for the last ten years of Glory, where he had basked in fame, reverence, mystery, and the wild cheers of his supporters.  A light breeze tossed the wine-colored cloak that was draped across their back, causing it to snap and furl in the chilling air. But the individual.. The same facial structure and blank look, their only difference in that aspect was the eerily empty eyes of the being who he knew was his avatar. Had he hit his head too hard when he left the Excellent Era building, only to completely forget about it? Or had the shock of the events warped his mind to the point he was hallucinating him? One Autumn Leaf could not, and would not have been standing before him. Sun Xiang owned him now, didn’t he? The thought raced through his head as Ye Xiu stumbled backwards a single step, slightly taken aback by the sight. “It’s me.” The voice that rang out was identical to his own, except that it lacked almost all emotion, except for the barest hint of hurt. And for some reason, that slight, almost nonexistent touch to the sound of his otherwise-steady voice struck him to the core. “…One Autumn Leaf. Ye Qiu, have you already forgotten about me?”  “…No, I..” He was surprised, blinking a few times before this manifestation of what was formerly just a construct of pixels. Within a moment, Ye Xiu steadied himself and looked eye-to-eye with the Battle Mage, who stood as still and unmoving as he did in Glory. “Come on, it can’t be you.” The player tried to laugh off the situation, keeping the nervousness out of his tone. “I.. Maybe I whiffed something on my way here, and you’ll just disappear-“ Clamping down on the retired gamer’s shoulder within the next instant was a firm hand, steady and still from the years of finely tuned practice with a heavy spear. “I’m very much real.” The supposedly imaginary being answered, his gaze still unbroken. “…I understand the circumstances in which I was handed over to a little brat, whose first action was to try and tarnish my hair. I do not blame you and I hold you in no contempt.” “Ah.. Suppose I’m really not imagining all this, and you are indeed corporeal..” Ye Xiu touched the avatar’s outreached arm, indeed feeling the cold, dark metal and the absolute solidness of his form. Yep, he was real alright. “..How are you here? Why did you come to find me?” “Glory cannot hold me when I have enough drive in me to shatter an invisible barrier.” That was the response given by One Autumn Leaf, who retracted his hand as to not threaten his former master. “And I came here to find you because I could not stand to see you leave. For ten long years, you have been at my side. And I am not so willing to go.” “I handed you off. Your new owner is Su-“ The banished deity of Glory began, but was cut off by the character stretching out his other hand, clasping something in between his fingers. A Glory account card. “This rightfully belongs to you.” He said, and Ye Xiu was taken aback for the second time, staring at the object. Shined, black and gold much like One Autumn Leaf himself, with the word Glory emblazoned on the front, embraced by a pair of segmented wings and crossed with dual blades. For a moment, Ye Xiu had to contemplate just how flipping weird it must have been for an avatar to hold such an item- wouldn’t that be handing over their own, beating heart to someone? Or on an even more extreme spectrum, their very soul? The essence of who they were, that represented all of them, and sustained their existence? The thought was so strange that even he had to shove it aside, his shaky right hand reaching out to accept the card. As his pale fingers grazed the smooth surface of the card that he had been forced to surrender a mere hour ago, he looked up at One Autumn Leaf, who now bore a faint smile upon his previously expressionless features. “Don’t leave me, Ye Qiu. You are still my master. Take me back to the battlefield.” He dropped his arm once the Glory card was safely given back to the gamer. “I could not bear to leave, even if I were forced. Sun Xiang is not you.” The dark-haired, exiled professional looked up to the avatar in silence before nodding, unable to help but crack a slight grin of his own. “…I’m glad, then.” The feeling of the simple object in his hand.. It was possibly the most thrilling, exhilarating flood of emotion he had experienced since his first official tournament. The excitement, the adrenaline, and the sheer joy all came rushing back like a tsunami. He looked out at the still-glowing city landscape, coruscating with the resplendent shine of the modern world.  Somehow, his mind almost seemed to be synced with the near-identical individual besides him, who had been his representation on a stage that met and drew the eyes of millions. Together, they turned from the glossy, yet dull and dusky shine of the ocean beyond, and looked to the shimmering stars that dotted the night sky. And together, their voices rang out.  “

Glory never fades

.”  ———————————————— This potato will now silence themselves as they have no flipping clue what they wrote at 1 AM in the morning and it doesn’t make sense. And I’ll probably feel massive regret too.. What have I wrought.   (I hope you enjoyed it somewhat nonetheless ^^;)

---

AKJSDHJSFLFDKJFKSJDJS DEM FEELS THAT WAS AMAZINGGG Hey I’m gonna make an amped up, more serious comic to go along with this bc a) I love this and b) I’ve been wanting to draw some sort of comic for something for a while now xD

I’d say maybe in the beginning, you could improve on making the details flow more smoothly? (it got better towards the end tho :D) But idk bc I suck as a writer like this is better than anything I can do so great job and I’ll let the other fanfic writers give some advice if they have any haha

[jungblue]

My God, FH gives me conflicting emotions and I really have no clue who I want her to end up with. On one hand, there's Jimin who is an absolute sweetheart and would a hell of a lot for her and on the other hand, there's JK who feels so strongly for her (not that Jimin doesn't) and wants her back. I think I'm leaning toward JK but then Jimin pops back up and- ugh. I love this series so much, it's giving me a dilemma, but I still really love how it's written and everything. You're a great writer x

thank you so much! i’m glad you’re liking it and that it feels conflicting bc that was my goal for this series. to make a love triangle that was legitimately conflciting and not just ‘’’this is the clear choice’’’ as i had done in the past. but again thank you for the kind words!

Anonymous said: All these jimin stans makes me so sad as a jungkook stan for FH 😭😭😭 like the poor boy just wanted to go after his career he didn't do anything terribly wrong I mean okay hear me out cause imo oc is the one love he will probably ever have in his life like even if she chooses jimin he will always always always choose her b/c their history is just so 😭 I go so soft for it but she brought the real him out that wasn't a fuck boy and she turned him around for the better 😭😭 agh but jimin is ❤️❤️

i would say it’s actually pretty even tbh! i should do a poll just to find out how even it actually is just bc i’m really interested to know. but yes i’ve said this a lot but i agree that he did nothing wrong by choosing to move to seoul. as for jungkook’s history with the oc i do agree. he had never experiences those types of feelings before, so when he met the oc it did take him by surprise, and it did change him in many ways

Anonymous said: I wouldn't be surprised if the OC goes off to live in the wilderness with a pet cow to sort her Jimin / JK thoughts out. To be honest though, you've drawn out the characters so well that irrespective of whom she ends up with, I'll be both happy and sad anyway... I love both the characters to be able to pick one. Just don't go Lord Voldemort on the spare, please :'D

lolol honestly that’s what i would do bc making that decision would be way too hard ahaa. but thank you so much for saying that about the characters it means a lot!!

Anonymous said: I'm Team idk-who-the-fuck-to-ship in FH lmao like I'm leaning more towards Jungkook, but at the same time I'd feel more bad for Jimin than I would for Jungkook if he doesn't get the girl... I just feel so bad for Jimin for getting tangled up in this mess so I just want him to be happy in the end and Jungkook seems like he's hiding something but then at the same time I get the whole "she's meant to be with Jungkook" feeling too... AHHHHHHHHH I'LL JUST SCREAM UNTIL WE FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENS

ahaaa yeah it’s definitely a messy situation. but when it comes to jimin he is an adult and he’s choosing to stay in the situation due to his ever-growing feelings towards the oc. there are lots of reasons to like both jungkook and jimin, so i think your personal perspective / experiences with life are what really decides who you prefer in the story 

Anonymous said: I know FH is loosely based off the series 'NANA' (one of my all-time fave anime/manga). . . even with your own spin on the story, I really lowkey am scared that Jimin might get himself in a similar hurtful situation like Nobu did & idk if I can handle him going thorough that. The character you've created/build up for him with such a big heart despite also being somewhat closed-off, like please protect him at all costs.

i love nobu ;;;;;;;;;;;;; literally my heart still breaks for that kid bc of everything that happened. they were so close to being happy together //sobs// but as for jimin’s similarities with him they’re definitely there so i can see where you’re coming from. but don’t worry about jimin he’s a strong headed person and he’s got more things coming in the series!

Anonymous said: tbh im a HUGE fan of jungkook for FH!! i dont think he did anything wrong leaving her for his dreams. i think thats really realistic and he technically didnt cheat on her because they werent quite together then! i love your writings :)

thank you! but yeah i don’t think leaving was the wrong thing to do. that was a once in a lifetime opportunity so not taking it would’ve been dumb on his part imo

Anonymous said: for me, I think oc could end on her own? Idk I really like jimins character but the same I didnt think she could give him the "love'" he deserves and that would let her wonder if its not better for him to find someone who gives it to him. and jeongguk really hurt her and has this secret that maybe she can not accept. my ultimate bias is taehyung so maybe oc and he... hahaha Im kidding // sorry for my bad English.

your english is great don’t worry! but that is definitely a possibility! she might need to take a step back from these two guys bc she knows that being unsure of her feelings is really going to end up hurting someone in the end, so it might be better for her to take some time by herself. ahaa yeah tae isn’t too big in this story, i need to give him some lines lmaooo

Anonymous said: asgklhas im not gonna lie LOL i completely forgot about future hearts. I know it takes a while to update a long scenario, but idk.. it just slipped my mind after 3 months. When i saw that anon i wsa like ?? tf are thry talking about whats future hearts. and then i saw ur name and thought of Hidden stars at first and again was like ??? its already finished tf why is that anon talking about it now? O_O and only now i remembered the story and that its still on going LOL but yeah im excited n scared

ahaa yeah it takes me forever to update i know ;;;;;;; but that’s only bc i don’t want to force myself to write when i’m not feeling it bc i don’t think it’s fair to anyone to rush something out that won’t give the proper development that it deserves you knoww

Anonymous said: girl everytime i reread FH i die inside bc i relate to so many parts like dating a band dude, him leaving, a few years later me getting with another band dude and joining him on tour only to see the first guy being in the band thats also on the tour (-: i hope FH has a happier ending than my scenario did bc yikes

wow that is wildly similar ahaaa. but i’m glad that it’s relatable!

Anonymous said: TEAM JUNG-JIMI-FUCK 🙃

SAME IT’D BE SO EASY THAT WAY ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;

[snickiebear]

OHMYGOD SNICKIE I—

so i just finished going through your index and OH MY GOD??? i wish i’d done that earlier *facepalms*

thanks for the tip, i kinda see now who the shadows were referring to… 😉😉😉 (but not all because im slightly stupid)

BUT ALSO akdjbshdj im so glad ur open to the prequel idea and if it does happen i’ll be in the front row seat with hearts in my eyes 😍 what’s even crazier was that i was reading the war chapter in the index and i had to take maybe seven pauses because my imagination was considering the many possibilities!!! and i know i said prequel but oh my god this whole world you’ve built can be like whole series on its own — and im not yet even thinking about what’s going to happen post-OL&W!!! it’s just me thinking about the characters’ stories during the violent era, the first guild war, and the second guild war!!! i-

i seriously can’t even—

i’m gonna try to articulate my thoughts but if you can imagine smoke bombs exploding into vague plot lines, that’s what’s happening in my head right now so apologies in advance for the mess (also im going backwards lol):

Second guild war — hypothetically,,,, if there were an itasakushi era sometime in the history of men falling on their feet for sakura, i believe the itasakushi would have developed in the course of this war, although they may have been acquainted with each other earlier. common enemy: danzo, and what better way to wreak havoc and violence than to have him die by the hands of this (im calling it) legendary trio (but that’s also because im quite invested in them). the five-year captivity is also a huge plus because i imagine shisui and itachi running around like headless chickens looking for the apple of their cursed uchiha eyes

quick question (if it’s not a spoiler) - which naruto characters would fall under thundersins? ibiki is the guildmaster, so does that mean his guild is composed of t&i people? im not quite sure who (in the naruto-verse) can get fooled by danzo into waging this war…

First guild war — can u tell us who was the mage who killed a witch? who was the witch? what were they fighting about??? was it a serious badass battle? were they secretly friends?? lovers??? did danzo have anything to do with this??? or maybe hanzo??? HOLY SHIT WOULD THE AME CHARACTERS BE INVOLVED HERE??? AKATSUKI??? but it’s ok if it’s still a secret… we can go detective on this one

speaking of ame and the other nations in the canonverse — will they also be part of this au? i mean we’ve already seen suna folks in OL&W but maybe like chojuro from kiri and other notable characters from the other hidden villages?

And to the violent era — using canonverse as basis, this would most likely be the counterpart of the hashirama-madara founding a village arc and/or the period before that, since they were also just fighting to death and using child soldiers. but actually im more curious about the guild wars than this era unless something dramatic happened lol other than the self-indulging satisfaction of blood thirst 🤣🤣🤣 im just really more invested when sakura is around. i would say tho, the lore is still interesting because im quite curious as to why the beginning is violent? was it because the gods had a fallout and all they really knew was to be violent about it? if it’s something similar, i’m getting a little bit of mythology-percy jackson vibes (which i LOVE) so Y A Y

ok so that’s basically me vomitting my smoke bomb thoughts *deep breaths* P H E W thank you AGAIN for the brain workout 🥰 it feels nice to lose myself in this world hahaha! you don’t really have to answer my questions; i literally just typed what’s on my mind 😂 INDEX WAS AWESOME! it’s like super clues to the mystery that lead to MORE mystery so yeahp you have just seen the effects on my mind

so sorry to hear about how your day was faring! i’m grateful my ask came to you at the right time. 🥰 i was actually worried about not sliding in your inbox earlier because i already saw that there was a new chapter but it was only then that i had time to check it out. i’m glad i was able to uplift your spirits even just for a little while 💕💕💕

i hope you have a better rest of the week ahead! ❤️❤️❤️

P.S. i cant believe u think my joke was top tier, im seriously bad at cracking jokes irl so thank you for believing in my limited-to-no-successful-experience in joke making

🐱

🐱🐱🐱🐱!!!!!!

LMFAOOOO don’t worry if you don’t figure it out now :) it’ll all be revealed in due time!! Honestly?? Since you brought up the prequel thing i have been thinking not-fucking-stop about how else the world coud be explored. Like?? There is SO MUCH GOING ON!!!

we have the whole Inuzuka tribe, the different temples, so many different characters... there is so many rocks to turn over!!!

OKAY SECOND GUILD WAR ITASAKUSHI YES. we are on the same wavelength 🐱, bc i was thinking the same thing. They would probably meet during GW2 and hit it off pretty well. 1) because Shisui is one charming motherfucker, and 2) Itachi would def draw Sakura in with his smooth humor. Plus, as reclusive as Sakura is in this, she does enjoy being friends with them.

“shisui and itachi running around like headless chickens looking for the apple of their cursed uchiha eyes” this imagery fucking killed me. Oh my god. THATS SO FUNNY WTF

(okay so in the OG draft of OM&G it starts with saku not knowing any of the boys and meeting them for the first time. she knew sakumo [who was dead in this one] and itachi + shisui [they were close friends].

and sasuke was being a total asshole [as usual] and sakura shuts him up with telling him that she's slept with both itachi and shisui. and then all three of them together. to which sasuke has an ANEURYSM LMFAO

but in this one, ItaSakuShi DEF goes on missions together after GW2 and totally fuck and get drunk and hang out. its verified, it has happened, i am comfirming this.)

Ok so!!!! Thundersins would consist mainly of non clan people in Nart. So, Lee, Tenten, Gai, Anko, Genma, ect. Though, we won’t be seeing Gai, Genma, or Anko until much, much later :) Though, Shisui is a part of the Thundersins guild, because he’s just more suited for assassinations rather than wizarding.

so basically, i'm just kind of putting people wherever i think they'd be suited best!

Danzo himself is a tricky bastard and at the time of GW2, Thundersins is still a relatively “new” guild, and they’re mainly human at this point, meaning that they were the weakest guild. It mostly comes down to the fact that Danzo, the manipulative asshole, was able to get their aid. He kept the entire kidnapping a secret for years (i’m estimating at least fifty or so) because the war and then it came to light by some spies or sum

As for the first guild war LMFAO i have absolutely no idea at all which mage killed what witch, i didn’t really think about it tbh! Maybe it was one of sakura’s bullies,,, LMAO honestly? I’ll leave all of that lore to you!!! I like keeping some details vague just so readers can take it and RUN AHAHAHHA. So yeah! Maybe they were lovers! And the entire killing was an accident! Who knows!

OKAY SO! This is going to make sound TERRIBLE. But i hadn’t even thought of Mist or Ame or any of the other villages until you said something LMAOOO

Well… the akatsuki plays a HUGE role in the next two fics,, so i can’t really say much about them hehe…

I do love chojuro and mei and haku and just LKSMDANFKSLD yeah. Going to be honest: they totally slipped my mind which is awful. Head in hands frfr. But i can tell you this:

Mei would be a mage, Chojuro would be either an assassin or a mage… one of the two… haku and zabuza are assassins. Ao would probably be a wizard too.

As for the other Jinchūrikis,,,, you’ll have to wait for the next two (if i have...write them… haha..)!

THE VIOLENT ERA! And yes! So, this is basically the time where the Living are the most… animalistic? Especially since the gods’ “fallout” as you call it! Thepheria served as a balance to both Peace and War, she is Balance in the very sense of the word so… if something happens to her, the entire world goes into cause and it can take a long time for it to find equilibrium!

Nothing huge happened here, this was like the “stone age” of this world and very self indulgent with the whole savagery of it, but also highlighting that deep, deep down these Living (and humans) are angry and violent at their cores. Its their roots and no matter how they progress, it will always come back to war and bloodshed.

AND OMG!! A FELLOW CAMP HALF BLOOD CAMPER HELLO!!!! I love pjo so much!!!! My first series that got me loving fiction and the worlds we can build!!!

I’m so glad you liked the index!!! Its both for you and me because half the time i can’t keep track of what information i want to use/verified so… it keeps me consistent (because i am horrible at it LMAO)

Please don’t ever worry about sliding in here “late”!!! Life is busy and the chapters are a little long, plus time will always keep marching on (omg that rhymed)! And! Please don’t feel obligated to come scream with me! Just knowing that you’re enjoying my work is enough to fuel me!!! :))))))

I feel you on the jokes 🐱, i am not funny irl at all HAHAAHA but your joke was hilarious, im crackin up just thinking about it LMFAOOO

Have a great week 🐱!!!!!! <33333333

[failinginvestigativejournalist]

Dont freak out, itss just writing

i grew up fast (so fast) (too quick nigga) (wish i went through when i was just a bit bigger) can you tell me who the parent is uh ya the first time i drove a whip i was a fuckin kid, (96 suburban nigga) (yo yo, did you tell em why) oh ya shit my fault my mom was bleeding from her chin i dont know what from or what about, scared to death i took that drive to the ER (Medical SHIIIT) (mom got too drunk again and feel out) (wheres dad? in his room his doors locked, figures i dont expect, as i try to knock (no answer nigga) i dont blame em he removes himself from the sitiation so he dont hit her) ya i fucking grew quick, ya i fucking tryed some shit, the first time i dropped out and took some shroomies i was age 6 plus 6, thats 12 for the illiterates, actually aas a matter a fact it was fuckin pleasant as fuck as i drew back the droe and took another hit. now that i think that was the day, older brother came and gave me cig i obliged no way to say nay, i was still trippin and it was a sensational feelin, it left me stumblin and dizzy a head rush like no other i was hooked for live to the day and i dont blame him, i dont think he knew what he had started, adding to the compilation of the monsxter inside that took refuge and started, poison in his mind, the drugs altered his brain activity but he was buckled up and commited to the ride.Shit i just said in third person let me apologize to yall sometimes the ideas flow together like two fortune five mergin, these feels of hate be strong ya im hurtin, i cant blame no one, i cant choose the family i was birthed in, started sniffin ups felt my blood surgin, gotta big head but my nemisis, the evil inside myself was bigger aboutt the size of a white sturgeon, like some northern ish that canadain shit like british columbia or somethin idk, alls i can say is that BC bud out that bitch is my fav to blow, the sour D, diesel to be exact for you niggas who waana try to nit pick or correct my personal facts, let me just speak at you,  all the hatin niggas tryin bring me down, bad news, i do drugs like steve from fuckin blues clues, but my rents always on time when that xshits due, any ways i side tracked speaking of tracks just lined some shit up did with speed did with need i did it with tact, im dextrous and shit i always have a unique train of thought oh shit trains again trains derailed at this point hhaaha i crack myself up sometimes with the wit in my words leh-let you in on the pun so you can join in my fun, about the lines the lines are no more you didn arrive in time i promise these raps have rhythm they have rhyme i aint spittin to waste your time, i aint spittin to catch a dime, bag or bitch, it really dont matter, niether last long but they are still my niche, come here bitch come hit this shit, this time dont have a fit, mind over matter just stick yuh nose in these rails sit down for a bit, drink some wata, go to your happy place we are gettin to old for me to have tote on yuh just from hitten lines but i put up wit it, you got that 50 thou boat on yuh, not to mention your ride, that shit is so sweet i cant decidddee which id rather seed, as in inseminate with my seaman as i play the part as a seaman workin for seimans on a marine voyage i aint like you im a higher being, i dont know whatchu talkin whatch your eyes be seein i am a divine heathan i really cant fucking believe a niggas still breathin im a florida boy born and raised, i sit the fuck back drink my beer in the shade, high as i usually am a rinny tin tin rinscotts tale \down the rintin like a shark fin poatched by commercial fisherman thrown in a bin, no regard for life the human race is so greedy, people just aint my type, say what you want i know me best and i know im right. my creative talents on the other hand be outta sight, im my own worst enemy to cross the bridge pay the fee, trollin in the hood for that g, withdrawin, shakin i drop to my knee look up to the sky ask god if he sees. hear the sound of humming, huh must be bees, or im trippin out maybe its a flash back i dont remmember. whats th-this street, tremblin think my heat skipped a bit, or a couple shakinso bad my knes begin to buckle, anxiety can be dibilatated held me back from so much in life thers no debating. unfamiliar route. made it to this bar ordered a stout got to thinking, you may ask what about, this is why i like solitude to be on my own to answer to noone to depend on myself and live it to the fullest while im yung, my mind will reel, replaying all i know every single memory, that im capable of bringing back, i compare my brain to a file cabinet, i keep it hidden like in an office towards the back. A photographic memory is a gift and a curse, ill tell you whatat, if you dont keep it in check you will end up in a herse, sure you can remember the happy shit the good things in your life but you cant fucking forget the huge hits the fucking bad bitch the one who broke your heart? dounno how to forget you but i think i know where to start, i thought it was drugs, i numbed my body with chemicals little did i know with every shot the metaphorical shovel scooped out some more dirt from the inconcievable whole i fuckin dug. my life has been weird kinda like an opriental from a flee market an awkward rug, with no real spot in the house, was always the black sheep in the fam i tryed to tip toe as quiet as a mouse, some tom and jerry shit my mistakes and regrets cbhasing me around like tom the cat from that shit, I hide in my hidey whole, disconeected from any social environmeent i often found myself cryin, but self loathin is kinda like being a a gay with some dicks hes blowin, givin a ski job pitty is the lube hatred is the tube the vessel to carry out a deed the fags not sure about, hes experimentin comparable to some situations in my life cept wont catch me with two dudes in a shower, that was just a metaphor. you feel me? im sure the haters will hop all over that verse but just fuckinh hear me. I got my shades on and these bitches special, haters they block, they keep you no fun, sticklers out of sight out of mind like spf 75 sun block, that industrial shit, factory born hear the lunch bell on the horn, an  hour passes the busy bees come back to the floor to join the others to join the masses; the hoard., here the hum of the worker bees at work as they sneek rum in there flasks stuck it in to the hive got it past the queen time to catch a buzz to make this pain stop while i avoid the fuzz the narks at work, cant control it even if they wanted to stop. i dont want to hurt. this was a metaphor for the endless rut of a reality ive become accustomed to; succomed too, the low of the low. comparable to a german trench on the frontlines., my life feels like a conveyer belt, makin the same product running the same direction never really goiong any where, now thats was an analagy, keeping up? yung unsensitive how many? 0 fucks, 0 fucks giveen, 0 blights forgiven, spiteful to death and mornful for noone, nothing left inside just another no-go, malfunctioning product family be like feeling “ i feel like they robbed us” of our brother our son and our friend , dont worry fam im still with you in your hearts up to the end. im tired of our society with all its malice and fallacy, thinking to my self how sad it must be, to be washed in the brain to be hypnotized, this shits so insane.you want that shit super sized? of course nigga watchu you sayin. A glutonous society obsessed with self indulgence people actually still believe good people are in abundance. Speaking of which, fuck the people for a tec, have you looked around lately, this earth is a wreck, mark my words we headin straight for destruction, We are not being good care takers, we fuckckin actin so careless what doesdo the opeople in power really expect?? just pass it on to the next generation “ohh, its not our life time we will leave it for you” Thats a big fuck you to the generations after you undeserving self entitled fucks finallyy croak. get the fuck outa here, tell me when you sold your sold, you heartlesxs bastards would give anything for xsome more of that paper thgat rules all, the pressure you have put on everyone, no one is an exception, to support ourselves and loved ones to provide for our own and multiple other peoples nees, the urge to make money looms over our heads like a pestiliant storm cloud of angst and uncertainty, boreing a fucking whole in our moral, making peoplpe desperaate rising crime rates because people get desperate, people need to survive and they will do dam near whatever it takess to make the money they need, for whatever purpose.  ill whipe my ass with it throw in your cards i will win you better fold. i have freeedom, you ask what? anominity you fuckers, i can moldd my own life i have the freedomm of choosing, i certainly dont have to wait for legislation to pass a bill which you bribed for votes to do so anyways, to do something something much worse than im capabloe of ever doing, intentionally ruining the environment and turning our planet to mars just for paper with and idea (with a “hey, take our word for it, its worth something “””WE PROMISE”””” fucks) behind it not even gold bars, fuck you niggas mark my words illl bring all you mother fuckers down, ill run you fucks out of town, you hear that sound? its a train. its my passion and my determination to take you out, maybe ill use a fuckin plane? i mean its o.k. for the CIA to do it, right? Create this ridiculously elaborote ruse this plot, thyat fucking fooled all the ignorant and brainwashed americans you have already sucked in with your cancerous propaganda, kids lost to your bullshit through social media and the fucking criteria you make teachers teach young minds, we are taught from a very young age that “ huraaahh america is number one! Terrorists bad! Environmental destruction of a planet good!” how about we help some of the third woorld countries (which you know we wouldnt have to be gunning down women and children in the streets) we could just like give them the water they need? help them gentrify there communities teach them how to develop better skills, teach them more efficient ways to take advantage of their land, maybe bring some seeds to food sources that can be grown creating a bit of self sustainability that may not be indigenous but would grow in their country?? you greedy fucks just want oil, when we have enough in our reserves in alaska/canada to last north america 500 years falsey blame others, create an imaginary war “the war on terrorism, which infact is a fucking cover a false entity, to entice patriotism to loosely keep this crumbling empire together the last attempt, the only thread left in the button holding up the pants we call america, you forgot to tell the word all that shit is just whack  [ simply a meticulously pplanned and executed ploy to spur interests in the middle east, control the oil and power will return back east, return to u, Cause god knows you tax the fuck out of us for EVERYTHING especially mnother fucking gas, so we can pay for wellfare and pay for fucking solar power for rich fucks who e==inherited wealth, people who hdont know what working a day means and never will be, never had a problem, never been broke “oh shit my fucking croket set is missingg a ball” lose the pretense fuckers, you cocksuckers, arrogant low lives.. Money makes you any better then the hard working man that cover your tax breaks pay like our fucking ppolice forces (who are a bunch of ROTC drop outs with a badge and sense of power nnow being unfair and crooked taking some kind of revenge on the idea of the kids who picked on them all through out school” Motherfucker its harder to become a plumber, the learning and process is longer/more rigorous then a 6 month police academy which is fucking my lil pony world ( ith ink there is a fantasy kids show for my lil pony with their own fantasy dimension/world)compared to a military bootcamp.  A doctrine instilled to stop the spread of communisim wherever and whenever it may presenet itsxelf? when is the fighting going to stop in that area of our dying earth, thjey have been fighting eachother since lifes initial birth, what whoever was in power or in charge of trading the petroleumn to us wanted to charge an extra dollar 4 dollars  aBARREL instead of 3??? whaa you fucking greedy cunts,? so we invade and take control put there people on dog collars?? for wshat a dollar difference in productionfreedom of speech as you mothers suck the livlyhood from our home like a blood sucking leech, so careless, you know exactly what your doing, you just dont care it aint your problem your headin towardcs the end your death is brewin, well im the reaper of death cloaked in black i always get my man like a cold inwe can hardly co-exist and efficiently function. We are on world one love bob marley shit im getting tired of going throught the motions im all fucked up inside and shit. Early development can be a lynch pin. to either set a strong first corner stone, ceremonial placement of the first corner stone, free mason shit, corn and vegetable oil, so many customs and traditions are goin down a fuckin hill catch em rollin. Early  life is so fucking critical for a young kid, childrens minds are like a sponge they are looking up to their elders they are developing mentally they consume everything around them and retain more than you know, give your kids a healthy and stimulating environment and they will let there talents grow let there talents show let there brilliance flow let there inhibitions go, gone like dust in the wind, never catch em in trouble nothing, not one sin. They will begin to get older, be super organized, super focused for school, every class haxs a folder. As you watch them grow you will feel it in your heart you will fuckin kno, atleast you did this at least you used your parental guidance for good. when you die you know youll be missed, your kid dont throw fits, not one bit, hes such a chip off the old block that was cliche as fuck haha tuck em inh for bed his forhead you kiss. I just might fucking shed a tear, I cant fight this urge to drink a beer. I cant deny this fucking fear, I must look like just like headlights shinin onm a deer, jock strap aroun d my ankles, dumbfounded, look in  my eyes, perplexed, look on my face as it hits, you get a certain taste in your mouth this race is coming to a close suddenly your filled with doubht, seriously you should be care free, yuou did your duty as a parent, im jealous wish that was me, chill the fuck out go drink some fucking relaxing tea or something, sobrietyy seems to be a good mixture along with love and rationality to make a family function like a well greased machine, like a mechanisim freshly whipped down with some white lithium grease. tuned and ready to go, temped to huff the fumes and left everything go, turn your car on shut the garage door, let death grip  you, dont seem to care anymore, I cant change the past and i have no regreats, will i make it to thirty? “right over here people!” “place your bets!”, ill take my tickets to my Life Show and just scalp em make some extra cash, im already absent, so detatched;incapable of feeling. even if im there aint nothing going on emotionally in there (guarantee you im smilin an nodding i really dont give 2 fucks no more”, take that money right to the plug i promote fucking drugs not hugs, or why not both? why does the saying have to be one or the other when sxometimes its both you desire the most. Take the scalpin’ money from the tickets to the play of my life, go on down to the hood, pick up some bags mis amigos habla “Drogas” los hermanos tambien, this urge is hard to fight. Its a romance [a ritual of being, so0mething un explainable i wish i was never a part of, im always metaphorically bleeding. My poker face is strong, fuck showing weakness i alwayxs thought it was to show emotuion. wrong....... but its not, it can save your life, can \get you through, throw you a life jacket, get you out of that tide you fought, that frigid water no warmer than dry eyes.. Ive always been a loose cannon, I go with the flow, not lookin back, been chillin with the old heads they were suprisxed i could hang and, back to the point haha literally or figuratively is the question... im not gonna keep you waitin or leave yall hangin, i hate cliff hangers, make me wait 45 five minutes leave me jonesin’ its slow goin like grindin that ‘crete in the hangers polishin’ that baby out and coatin with some apoxy, its a process, i just get my drugs, whate=vers around and hit bangersz til i pass out, thatsx how my life has been goingg, i feel like im in the chambers just waiting to be gassed out. Flip the fuuckin switch you fuckin pussy end all this malcontent and hate, make itt black, eternal reest at loast.. dress me up real nice maybe a sharp vest, go through the processions and go through the motions fucking burn my body bitches, i want to be in the ocean ive always felt drawn to it, like an unexplainable,, unatainable unfakeable feeling or notion. im happiest sippin a coctail right by the ocean,  thats where you put me to rest... ill be pissed as fuck dont treat me like a fucking ruck; i beenn aroound, age is but a number, my knowledge is  vast and profound, ya thats right bitch im fuckin educated, know more tthan you will learn in your life time and im 20 years, old get what im sayin? i dont got a big heaad im actually humble,  just at my  breaking point. if i was a volcanoe you would feel the rumble; the pre-emptive signs of an eruption pre-determineed in the creator’s mind he took his divine time to find a wayy to grin away the time it took to find the book i bind when al i want is to be stress free and unwind but im the opposite wound up liike the grandfather clock i wish i could stop , the wheels are in motion the gears are set to full speed the feels keep comin i got this itch; this notion, this inkling to stop minglin, stop wastin my time with u useless fuccks. i think its time, its not the end my journey, just started this epic tale of sorrow, my feelings have departed, im fuckingg frozen over colder than ice, dry ice. cant touch me im full of hate and vice, addictive personality on a suicide mission like a ffucking missionary willing to die for his faithh,. i wish man willing to be a martyr for his religion.. ya bitch i smoke stoges in the hotel room just send the  bill to him if it comes to me itll end up in the fucking rubbish bin with a looggie on top coughin up brown shit to young for that talk, to young for heart disease pack and a half a day to try to keep my miind at ease, the stress is buildin im like a tickin time bomb, im so wound up like a clock rigged to blow mount vesuvius, a test nuke... the alarm is soundinn off. A  bright flash like a million lightning strikes, bout to pop off.. but atleast with style got my limited eddition nikes, listen to me i soound like them, listen to me bitching like a fucking fem, bottle it up, thats what society saays, male suicide is at an all time high like two polar opposites due to wed, its never gonna work im always going to be sad im always going to hurt, no fuck it, im a lock it up and throw away the key, im gonna forget about all this shit and be a fuckin G, be hardcore like the brothhers, leave bitches cryin in the street like aall our fuckin mothers, 32 degrees ferenhiet tatted on my left pec it signifies the tempture of my heart no longer warm and red, its frozen over, it hardly beats, that shit is smaler than the grinches, i turned into what they want me to be, a danger to society, getthe fuck outa myface before i shoo,t b, I got nothing to lose, living for nothing, nada, goose eggs nigga dont give a fuck reckless, no regard for life i dont give two fucks a partridge in a ghetto street, aint no merry christmas song, i like my biches thick and dirty wearin'n some fesh tomy thongs, i use em abuse and enthuse them then ruse thm excusse them fuckin confusethem "why you so distaant all of the suden" keep the vow of silence, like a monk on a holy missio, a friar on a divine quest, sending telepathic messages look into my eyes and see, get the fuck out i was never real these feelings meant nothing to me manipulator, manipulationist making up woprds never been a relationist, the masster of his craft a ventrilliquist or a puppet master you were to blind to see, mama was right just a socio path, ya bitch tell your 7 year old child that; see how long his chipper attitude lasts, im lower than nothing, not even a worm maybe i could bbe a fucking tick suckin blood, noting left of the kid i used to be, no more self worth, i cant love you when i cant love myself, how you expect me to support you when all i do is grab a spoon andd melt all the money thaat comes my way, a junkie, bum destined for an early  death and you think yous my bride to be, sorry hun you reaad me wrong, i know its hard cause bitches never know whats goin on inside my head, as i lay in bea,d staring off to somewhere, anywhere but next toyou, staring off into space thinking about my drug abuse, asking myself why, but i know the answer ready to die, but i think ill get a lapper frm one more danceer, i wanna go out in style, not som lame shit maybe go up to a mountain and stand on a cliff, look down, see wher im destined to end up as i take the safety off, finger carressing the trigger, a cool wind blows as i prepare to leave my loved ones bitter, surprised they sstayed aound thislong only ever let em down ever since i was young, never good enough always disappointing this rap comes so easily writing it like noothing, to get this off my chest as theend comes near, i shaped my own destiny i chose to die, now i chose to die here, fuk your beliefs and your faith in gods plan i took my life intomy own fucking hands, i think we all know einstiens theory of insanity, i been doin the same shit fr so long now exspectin shit to change and, i guess im insane.. i took my brilliiant, my sharp mind and put it to waste. its time to pull the inevitable, the good die young idk in this case if thats viable, im scummy i did whatever it took to get my fix to kill that pitt  in my tummy. i hurt people close, i stole from my famil.y.. its time to end it, like i caqme into the world, by myself always alone, soemthing that my father toldme that really stuck, its cynical as fuck, but he was right. he said stay out of the bullshit the groggy muck. Only lookout for yourself son, ive been arounnd awhile, [people dont give a fuck about anyone else they care only for themselves, in the end at the most critical time they will always choose them instead of some one else. We are alone in this wrld and its the hard truth jut learn not to ddepend on others while you are still in your youth, ive been fucked over to many times by people i thought i was very close to. now im out to get mines me and only me you and only you, get that fucking look on ur face sorry for beeing real and telling the truth, im trying to prepare your for whats ahead, im tryig to prevent you from depending on a brutus who will fill you with lead, stab you in the back for their own personnal gain, being to trustworthy is a heroic flaw like being egotistical, wanting to help your friends to much, being aragont ect. kryptonite to super man pease dont be batman and let it be yourr bane, bane as in the villian to let you know. im back, here are my words again not my dads, ji really do miss all the relationships i had, havent spoken to my dad in years tookk one for theteam stayed with mama dukese inj the ssplit to save faace, foir my innocent younger brothers. you know what shes also my motheer, shes not capable of surviving alone i didnt think i would abandon her ever i thought id never do that, i stuck with her out of evveryone, a family oof six she looked out for me in times of strife wish i could give her one last kiss, just shot my last 20 and i fucin missed, absesses dont matte any more i bet this 45 shoots true time for the finale,  no way i can miss, as the curtains close on my young life one last thought people really took to me, like white on rice, women were drawn to me the mystery i had them enticced, June baby as a cancer i am hard to understand i met a chick once who had a spot in my liifes bnd, she knew me we had a connection so much love we were never disrespectin im glad i could atleast i could teach hersome shit before she ripped my beeating heart out of my chest and stepped on it. Loved hermore than life and i still do i promised her one day i would find her and marry her, walkher down that isle say the words ido, she felt what i felt i know its tru, wasnt ready fgor commitment baby i wil alwayslove yo never orget you if i can i connect with you, like a disease i infected you i aways broght you downi was just baggage extra wait holing you down dragging around im glad youo saw through my snake charming ways saw me for who i was a bumm who couldnt change noot in a short number of days, someone so crippled by pain and grief it was beyond belief, she was the only one i wore my heart on my sleeve for , she lef me sobbinig, crrying violently without end in the door the doorway to more pain. i know she had no choice she had to live her lifee i was just in he way, i was obscuring her focus. eye on the prize isthe only way to achieve your goals and tnt them fuckin boulders, in your way, today i die babe, long time comin bet yall thought i was here to stay. baby l dontshed a tear kno i died drinkin a beer haha but nah you were my last thoughts thinking about all the time we spent getting lost in eachothers eyes and gettin so close we read eachothers thougts, illl miss or idk if ill be concious or just nothjingness, i guess ill fnd out when i finally stop being a pussy and proced with this, see ya velma ill always be your shaggy thinka bout me and dont forget what i made you see, in your self im just another memory on our shelf but let it bbe one thaat sticks we had somethingthat made ssense just clicks somethin that felt so right im really gonn miss, everythinig abnout you im sorry you couldnt trust me but i dont doubt why. i know the truth ive never denied a thing in my life, dont getme wrong everybody tells a little white lie, but you know what its a sign of intelligence not to be afraid to say idk not to lie for the hll of it. Ill see you soon in the nxt life or two i hope reincarnatiuon has a possibility of being true, godbye cruel world th ride is over it was a hell of a whirl, i leave you with absolutely nohing conntributted i was just a part o the cancer people had to live with, butnever acknowledgedd, acted ignoant to ther surroundings as daddy paid for college, i burned bright and hot and had a lot of fun, i had alot of life experienc got alot of shit done, nothing productivee of course in ssocieties eyes but i did fullfill atleast some personal goals, important things in my eyes, the curtains are almost done descending as my pittiful life is ending, but keep your pitty mother  fuckers i dont want shit from any of you i dont give yoou nothin dont be so self righteous you look like a bunch of fools, greive for me or celebrate my life i guess its on you how you chhoose to rfemmeber a nobody that nobody knew, a couple feet before the curtains drop, is that? myy eyes decieving? me? no i do see that a single rose descends from the skies, i stare intently at the work of art, a rose is soo beautiful, a representation of love, from the heart, so delicate with its velvet petals, easily ruined a boket wouldve been nice, but who am i fooling, thats a beautiful thing, that was really nice. the product bubbles as i take my last hit of ice, cant takemy eyes off that rose.. its so beautiful... the gun on my forhead now, looking at each individual pedals.. dew from the early mornin forming a small puddle around that naturral phenom, that iconic organic, spectaacular symbol of sometthing real, somethin that matters, something sensual. 

As the bits of his brain splatter behid him, arms spread; with grace, almost angelic.he falls off the ciff a hundred feet now for falling, weird but there was a look of peace in his eyes; on his face, maybe he wll finally find happiness.. he fell with nobility and so much grace the floor he hit, his finall restingplace, what cuold be a better box then a natural setting, a  beaauty of nature, crawling all around and he will return to the earth, the mother wll  take him back just as she gave birth, i thinnk this shit is over now its not my story to tell, inside voices kids no reason to yell. shhhhhhhhhhh. 

dont depend dont believe the [enter here]