#no but he almost lost his powers cuz of that he was a real g 😭 I adore him

[mintygreencake]

Little reminder,

Your faves would not be alive if it wasn't for Milo Greer. And I stand by that, because if Asher stayed in the ward any longer I promise you he'd be on t-shirt. That also goes for Damien, David, Lovely and most likely Huxley. 💀 (Probably Sam and Vincent too cuz I know they wouldn't last too long)

Your faves would have been your favorite clothing brand by the time the department gathered their forces.

Just another reason why Milo Greer is THAT guy, shout out to my man he just built like that 😭

[nekokoaa]

May I get a deaf! reader x Present Mic? I just love the idea of him slowing down his speech so she can read his lips, or him going out of his way to learn sign language? (I need more than one author to do this because he's a sweet bean, and this idea should be spread like a plague.) -Perhaps when they meet he gets offended cuz she's 'ignoring' him?-

Fandom: bnha

Character: Present Mic (Hizashi Yamada)

No warnings.

I really feel for this request because recently I watched a documentary on deaf children in Japan and it was the most empowering thing I ever watched. Those children are so inspiring. It honestly made me want to try and learn sign language, so I was really happy to write this request and I hope it represented the deaf community well. It’s in three short parts.

**Signing or other means of communication is in italics. If it’s hard to see for some of you guys, I can change it and make it Bold or just add the quotations instead.

Also, sorry that this request took so long to get out! I hope you enjoy, love!

————————————————————

I.

Hizashi’s life had always revolved around sound for as long as he could remember. From an energetic child to a raging teenager and even now, as an adult, he couldn’t imagine his life without it. It became a part of him, literally, his quirk was the embodiment of sound and his reason for being the hero he is. Silence was never an option.

Until now.

Hizashi wouldn’t call himself a flirt as he was always a respecter of women and was aware that most women hated to be randomly flirted on, so he didn’t understand what came over him when he saw you treading down the halls of U.A. It was the first time he ever saw you and it was probably the first time a woman ever made him freeze up like that. He couldn’t recall when was the last time he became shaken up because of a woman, but once you were about to pass him, he had called out to you on impulse and to his surprise, you brushed past him without a glance in his direction. Questions emerged within his brain as to why you ignored him, all he did was simply sent a greeting your way, he didn’t comment on your looks or sounded flirtatious in his speech. It was just a simple good morning.

Hizashi pondered about this moment for the rest of the day. He couldn’t understand what was wrong with his approach and later realized how rude you were for not greeting him back, especially a teacher of U.A. He didn’t know what profession you were in or your reason for being at the school, but he at least knew a simple greeting wouldn’t have hurt you.

And once again, to his surprise, he found out the very reason why you ignored him that morning. He stumbled upon it the next day while he interrupted Aizawa’s abnormally large class to inform him about a sudden schedule change for the teachers and the reason for Aizawa’s class being abnormally large was because it was being combined with another class, specifically, your class. Hizashi found out that day that you were actually a teacher for the hearing-impaired middle school not too far from U.A. You had brought your students to U.A on a field trip to inspire and learn from their students and that they can, despite their differences, become a hero too. Each of Aizawa’s students were paired with yours and was engaging in a simple activity together. Aizawa took this as a chance to introduce you to Hizashi and Hizashi, needless to say, almost froze again when you approached him. Just a glimpse of you in the hallway was enough to know that you were a beautiful woman but seeing you in front of his eyes had him wondering if this was reality.

“Nice to meet you, Present Mic. I’ve heard such great things about your work as a hero.” Those words didn’t form from your voice but from your hands in a series of symbols and the woman next to you brought them to life with her voice. He assumed she was your translator.

“Uhh…” For the first time in his life, Hizashi was speechless and Aizawa raised an eyebrow at that. But Hizashi knew he had to get the cog in his brain to work somehow, he couldn’t physically slap himself in your presence (and he sure wanted to) instead he managed to hold his hand out for a shake and his brain started to lag behind slowly. “G-Great to meet you too!” He said, rather loudly, fast even.

Although, you didn’t need your translator to understand what was said. You smiled gently, and it almost made him melt. The next, your hand met with his in a firm grip for a shake and this time, he melted. For such a firm grip, you had the softest hands in the world, smaller than his yet it didn’t falter in strength. You held a steady stare towards him and even though Hizashi’s shades covered his eyes, it was like you penetrated the material. You struck through his soul, his heart, all from a simple shake of hands. Is this what they call ‘love at first sight’? He didn’t believe in such a thing before but seeing you within his sights made it feel all the more real.

II.

Since that fated day, Hizashi had made it his mission get closer to you. He managed to get your number to “continue to plan out events with U.A and your students” but in reality, he just wanted to talk to you more. It started out as simple brainstorming session through text before it took off into casual talk. He learned that you were born deaf but had a quirk that allowed you to physically feel all types of sound waves—even the ones that average human ears couldn’t pick up—absorbed them and reflect them back onto an object.

                                        Today 1:30 PM

2:15 PM: Even though, I can’t hear it. I can feel it. It’s like a vibration. Sometimes they’re small, other times they’re large. And if I wanted to, I can use those vibrations to break something—like glass, I guess.

Hizashi’s eyes widened when he read your text, he was at his desk in the teacher’s office, spinning around mindlessly in his chair. He really should’ve been looking over some documents, but he became lost within his phone, eagerly waiting for your replies.

2:17 PM: Seriously!? That’s one hell of a quirk! You could’ve become a hero if you wanted to!

He sent the text and set his phone down only to pick it back up a minute later when he saw it lit up.

2:18 PM: I wanted to.

Was what he received and nothing else. His eyebrows furrowed at it. His fingers dashed wildly upon the screen and his thumb hovered over the send button.

2:18 PM: I came up with a new activity my students can do with your students. We should inform Aizawa.

But your message came faster, and the message he wanted to send, ‘what stopped you?’, was replaced. You changed the subject for a reason, so he wasn’t going to pry.

2:20 PM: We should talk it over a drink then! I’m free after 5!

Hizashi taut his lips. Was that too friendly? Flirtatious? Damn, he never had to think of his words this much before. He was always a smooth talker, it came to him easy, so why was it so hard to talk to you? He knew his suggestion was a shot in the dark. There was a high chance that you would reject him, but that was the key word, right? Chance. As long as there was a chance of rejection, there was also a chance of acceptance.

2:25 PM: Sure! There’s this bar in the city I like to go to. I’ll send you the address.

“Yeaaah hoooooo!!” Hizashi suddenly jumped to his feet as he howled, thrusting his fists towards the ceiling when he read your text. You said yes! You actually said yes! Is this considered a date? Maybe not, but who cares, you said yes!

Around 5 pm, Hizashi already met up with you at a relatively chilled bar in the southside of the city. He definitely wasn’t planning to get drunk, so he just ordered a beer while you ordered a pina colada. The conversation was simple between you, it started as completely work related. You relayed your ideas to Hizashi by small notebook and pen and he intently read whatever you wanted to say. You read his lips whenever he spoke, at times he had to slow down because you would miss what he said. And Hizashi, at that moment, realized how annoying it was to communicate this way. He somewhat wished he knew sign language to make the conversation smoother between you two.

The conversation shifted from work to personal as the atmosphere of the bar couldn’t help but make it so.

“So, about your quirk…” Hizashi started. He saw your eyes flicker away for a moment before they returned. “Isn’t it annoying being around all these sounds?”

You quickly turned to your notebook and wrote your answer down.

I’m used to it already. When I was little, it was the scariest thing. I remember crying to my parents about it all the time, but I came to terms with it.

“And you’re telling me, you can absorb those sonic waves and reflect them back onto objects?” You didn’t need your notebook for this. A simple smile and a nod were all Hizashi needed. “That’s pretty damn powerful, it’s kind of like my quirk!”

Well… Not really. You project your voice to a certain frequency to where it could cause someone’s ears to bleed! You started to laugh which was the most adorable thing to Hizashi. It was a silent laugh, but your shaking form and your hand that covered your large smile gave it away. Besides… I can take your quirk’s power and use it against you. The louder it is, the stronger I get! Was what you wrote, and it earned a very loud laugh from Hizashi, so loud that the other patrons of the bar glanced at you two. Hizashi didn’t care and neither did you.

“You know, we’re still accepting applications for U.A! Feel free to fill them out!!” Hizashi was expecting to see you laugh again but something about his joke struck a chord with you. Your smile dropped, and you suddenly looked away from him. You reached for your pina colada and stirred it with the straw hanging off the curvy glass.

“W-Was it something I said?” You didn’t know what he said but you felt the sound waves of his voice when he spoke. It was very distinguishable from all the other voices in the bar. There was just something about it that made you know it was coming from Hizashi. “Miss ____?” A nervous laugh after was all he could do to make the mood seem less tense. You started to write in your notebook, your knuckles protruded as your gripped your pen tightly.

Earlier today, I told you I wanted to be hero. Well, I did try back in middle school, I applied for U.A but I was denied.

“Denied…?” You avoided looking at Hizashi and kept your eyes on your notebook. You began to tap your pen against the paper like you were trying to decide your next words.

The reason why they denied me was because of my disability. They didn’t have the resources to accommodate me, so they couldn’t accept me.

Hizashi knew that U.A was harder to get accepted to back when he applied, but he didn’t think they were rejecting students they couldn’t accommodate for.

Till this day, U.A has not accepted anyone who is deaf. Which is why I’m working together with Aizawa to ensure that will change in the future. My students, some of them have amazing quirks… and It’s hard for me to believe that they can’t become heroes because of something they were born with.

“That’s… very heroic of you.” Hizashi lowered his eyes, somewhat ashamed to hear of U.A’s past faults.

Someone has to pave the way for these kids.

Silence had fallen between the two of you, something Hizashi wasn’t used to. You continued to stare at him, waiting for him to say something about the current subject, but he suddenly changed it, his eyes met yours as he spoke. For some reason, it felt as if time had stopped, seeing Hizashi so serious had thrown you off. “If there was a chance to be reborn with hearing, would you take it?”

Your eyes had widened slightly to his question, but it didn’t delay your answer. You began to furiously write in your notebook and Hizashi hovered over slightly to see your words.

I don’t regret being born deaf. It’s not my fault. It’s not a fault. It’s part of who I am… and I’m content with that. So, no.

“I can’t imagine my life without sound.” He grumbled, but you were still able to make out his words from his lips.

Most people can’t. You scribbled.

“I guess that’s what makes you strong.” You were taken aback when you saw Hizashi’s lips slowly changed into a warm smile after he spoke. His eyes behind his shades softened as they gazed upon your face and his arm propped up his head as he leaned his head against his knuckles. He might not have noticed the dreamy expression he was making at you, but you surely did.

You blushed profusely, your eyes started fidgeting between Hizashi and your notebook. You weren’t sure what to do as it looked like he completely lost himself within his head and wasn’t talking anymore. You quickly snatched your notebook off the counter and started to write with your shaky hands and when you were done, you pushed your notebook towards him and leaned your head upon your hand that covered your mouth as you shyly looked in the opposite direction.

Thank you.

III.

Hizashi didn’t know how hard it was going to be to communicate with just his hands and subtle movements of lips, but he practiced for months for this day, the day he would finally ask you out on a date. You and Hizashi talked and nearly saw each other every day, it was only a matter of time until you two start going out, right? At least that’s what Hizashi believed. He hoped he didn’t imagine all those intimate moments you shared with him for these past months. It couldn’t have been all in his head, right?

He sighed heavily and ran a hand over his face. He nearly knocked his shades off his head in doing so and he straightened them when they became crooked. He was practicing his sign language in front of his bathroom’s mirror for the last time until he leaves for your school.

Even though it was Saturday, you invited Hizashi to a poetry event that your students were taking part in and you really wanted him to come. How could he have said no when you looked so sweet when you asked him? Of course, he was going to go. He might’ve overdressed a bit for the occasion though, he was wearing a white suit jacket which was opened and showed his black collared shirt under. His shirt was without a tie and was unbuttoned at the top until his collar flared out slightly. He made sure to gel his hair to perfection where not even a single strand was out of place. This day had to be perfect. It had to be.

Hizashi left his apartment with renewed vigor and he made it to your school just an hour before the event started. You greeted Hizashi with a hug at the entrance of your classroom. He melted in your arms, he honestly wished the hug didn’t last seconds but hours, days even. You guided him to a chair in the front row before you left him to greet more parents that piled into the classroom. Excited smiles were on their faces when they spotted their children all sitting together at the front of the class. The children, however, looked a little nervous until you came to talk to them. You signed a bit at them and their nerves were quickly replaced with soft smiles.

Hizashi was honored to come to this event. It was definitely his first time attending a poetry session in sign language. As like anyone learning a new language, it was still hard to interpret what was being said but you helped him by giving him the written translation of the poems. He still tried to interpret it on his own, only using the translation if he had no idea what was being signed. He also had to make sure you didn’t find out that he’s been learning sign, he wanted to surprise you when he asks you out.

Poems of simple messages like nature or family were the majority but there was one poem that stuck with Hizashi. A loud voice in a silent world, was the title and by just that, he was captured by it. It was a story about the struggles of being deaf in the hearing world, a voice so loud yet silent to the world. He couldn’t help but give the poem a standing ovation once it ended. He clapped loudly and cheered, and your student bowed happily to the audience. You showed him how to cheer in sign after, raising your hands in the air and shaking them with excitement. Once he learned, it was all he did for every student, cheering with his hands rather than his voice.

“That was amazing! Your students have so much talent!” Hizashi had said once you escorted all the parents and students out of the classroom. It was only you two that remained in it. He immediately thought it was his chance. You had a permanent smile on your face and looked absolutely delighted while you were writing your response in your notebook.

Yes, they do! Thank you so much for coming! I’m so happy you came.

“You know I would!”

You smiled with flushed cheeks and looked away shyly before you moved to straighten some desks. You felt Hizashi’s eyes linger on you after you had walked away from him, you had a feeling he wanted to tell you something, but you were still feeling shy from before and continued to avoid his eyes.

“____.”

The vibration you felt against your skin was all too familiar. Straightaway you knew it was coming from Hizashi. No longer could you avoid his gaze, his hands moved swiftly and shakily but you understood every symbol that was made out by his fingers. Language wasn’t coming from his voice but from his hands through sign. You nearly dropped your notebook in surprise, bringing a hand to cover on your lips as you watched his hands.

Do you want to go on a date with me?

He had such a handsome, wide smile on his face once he was done like he was proud to be able to communicate to you with your language. He knew your answer already once he saw that warm smile he loved spread your lips from ear to ear.

Of course, I will!

[fanficshiddles]

Starting over, One shot

Thank you for the prompt! I hope you like it.

Prompt: I’d love a story where a common housewife, bedraggled with kids, wishes for a different life and Loki grants her wish. She’s resistant at first, but he forces her into smutty pleasure and she succumbs. Maybe he awakens the beast within her? I’d love some really descriptive sex. Cuz you’re so good at writing that. Many thanks.

Tiara heaved the grocery bags down the hall into the kitchen. Her three kids came running through, screaming and searching through all the bags for something to eat.

‘It will soon be dinner time! Go back upstairs!’ She shouted at them, but it fell on deaf ears.

She pinched the bridge of her nose in despair while the kids ran away with armfuls of food in their grasp.

After cooking dinner and cleaning the house from top to bottom, like she did every day, she just had time for a quick shower before she then had to sort out her husbands’ lunch for the following day. And iron his work shirt.

It was near midnight before she was able to get to bed. But she was unable to sleep, so many thoughts were running through her mind. Was this really the life she wanted? Three kids that didn’t listen to her and a husband who was snoring so loudly she was surprised the whole neighbourhood never heard him.

He never appreciated her, all the work she put into the house and the kids. He never helped, just came home from work at three and expected to be waited on hand and foot. At weekends, he spent most of the day in bed or locked up in his ‘man cave.’ Their sex life was non existent anymore, and she was pretty sure that the rare times he did go out, that he had a piece on the side with some younger model.

Getting out of bed, she went downstairs and out into the garden. Looking up at the stars, she sighed.

‘I wish I had a different life. If there’s anyone out there that’s listening, please… I beg you.’ She said, eyes watering slightly.

But nothing happened. She sighed and turned to go back inside, missing the glowing blue light that lit up the night sky.

Loki had heard her. After landing in her garden a few days ago with the tesseract, Loki had been keeping an eye on her. She was a beauty. There was something about her that Loki was attracted to. A hidden beauty and depth to her, that he knew was just waiting to be let out.

To be set free.

Tiara made her way back upstairs to bed, not noticing the difference in the house. How the pictures of her kids and wedding day on the wall were no longer there, that there were less shoes and jackets at the bottom of the stairs.

And she didn’t realise how quiet it was until she climbed back into bed. But that’s when she realised… her husband wasn’t there.

‘Corey?’ She reached out across the bed, but nothing. So she turned on the bedside lamp, that’s when she noticed how different her room looked.

‘What the…’ She trailed off when she noticed a tall, dark figure standing in the corner of the room.

She let out a screech and scrambled backwards on the bed, heart racing in fear.

‘No need to be scared, dove. I have simply answered your wish.’ Loki grinned and stepped forward, out of the shadows.

Her eyes widened upon seeing the handsome man. He was tall, good looking with striking features. Jet black hair and the most beautiful green eyes. He was wearing a well-tailored suit, and he looked like he was made to wear suits.

‘Who… what are you… what…’ She couldn’t form the words.

Loki slowly walked closer, till he was at the end of the bed. ‘My name is Loki. And I am here because you wanted me to be here. To answer your prayer, of course.’ He grinned.

‘My… What happened to my husband? Oh my god, my kids!’ She screeched and leaped off the bed.

Loki allowed her to go, he followed her with a smug ass grin while she looked in the bedrooms that were simply spare rooms now. She was in shock, it didn’t look like any kids lived there at all.

‘What the heck is going on? This is a dream, right? I’m dreaming!’ She spun around. ‘AH!’ Loki was right there, hands behind his back as he bobbed up and down on his toes, looking pleased with himself.

‘This is what you wished for.’ He reached out and pinched her arm.

‘Ow!’ She stepped back from him.

‘You said you thought you were dreaming. Well, you’re not. You see, darling. This.’ He pulled out the tesseract and showed it to her. Her eyes were drawn to it, in awe. Like everyone was when seeing the tesseract for the first time.

‘This, along with my own powers, allowed me to give you this one night of a different life. One with me.’ He smirked.

‘With… you? What?’ She frowned. ‘No! Get me my kids back!’

‘Listen. Give me one night. Nothing is set in stone yet, not till sunrise. It’s your decision. If you want everything to go back to normal, then it will. But if you don’t, then it doesn’t have to. This.’ He held his arms out. ‘Can be your new normal.’

‘This can’t be happening.’ She sat down on the bed and put her face into her hands.

She felt the bed sinking next to her when Loki sat down, sliding his arm around her.

‘It is happening, and it’s very much real. Why don’t you let me show you just how amazing it could be. What you’re missing out on.’ He whispered seductively into her ear, his other hand coming to land on her thigh, where her nightie had ridden up.

‘Why?’ She blurted out.

‘Why, what?’ Loki asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘Why me? Why would you… want to?’ She stood up, pacing back and fore with her arms wrapped around herself.

‘Well, for one thing you called for someone to answer your prayer. Being a God, it is my duty. Second, I may have fell in your garden from my planet, if you’ll believe. And I’ve been watching you, Tiara. Thirdly, you are a beautiful woman. That deserves so much more than what you’ve got.’ He stood up and gripped her upper arms, making her stand still and look at him.

‘Just give me this one night. I give you my word, if you don’t enjoy it and aren’t happy, before sunrise I will bring your family back. And you can forget this night.’

She couldn’t resist his charm. There was just something about him. Something about the way he spoke and acted, she was under his spell. She was sure of it.

‘You’ll bring them back by morning… Right?’ She asked cautiously, looking into his eyes.

‘If that is what you wish, I give you my word.’ Loki nodded.

Tiara agreed to Loki’s offer. He took her hand and guided her back to her room, where he started to take off her nightie and underwear. She felt extremely nervous and shy, but when Loki started kissing her, all that nerves started to melt away.

Loki shed his own clothes within seconds, using his Seidr. He then lay Tiara down on the bed and crawled over the top of her trembling body.

‘Relax, pet. Tonight is all about you.’ He purred and held her face in his hands as he kissed her, his tongue urgently seeking entrance into her mouth.

She gasped against him, the feeling of his tongue against hers was almost too much. She had never been kissed like that before. And never been touched so gently in such a long time. When Loki’s hands started to wander down her body, she almost started crying with how good she was feeling already.

He paid plenty of attention to her breasts, enjoying how large they were. When he suckled on her nipples, she completely lost it. She arched her back up towards him, wanting more. While his lips and tongue lavished her nipples, he tickled his way down between her thighs.

In another moment of nerves, she clenched her thighs together tightly, not allowing his hand access.

‘Come on, love. No need to be shy.’ He growled against her breast.

She slowly parted her legs to allow his hand down. To make sure she didn’t close them again, he manoeuvred his body between her legs, making sure his imposing presence was felt.

Tiara felt like she was floating in heaven when he touched her there. It had been so long since she’d even had the time to touch herself that her body was actually cheering and celebrating at the attention.

‘Mmm, my darling. So sensitive. You’re already soaking my fingers.’ Loki purred and moved up to kiss her again, thrusting his tongue into her mouth at the same time as he pushed two fingers into her cunt.

He took his time, exploring her depths. He scissored and curled his fingers, finding all of her sweet spots. But looking for that certain one that he knew would set her off like a rocket. And when he found it, he certainly knew about it. She started whimpering and trembling tenfold.

‘Let me hear you, darling. Let me hear your moans and cries.’ Loki demanded while he concentrated on her g spot, his thumb rubbed over her clit at the same time.

But he noticed that even when he made her orgasm, she was still holding back. And that wasn’t good enough for the God.

To Tiara’s surprise, when he removed his fingers from her she found herself quickly flipped over and, without warning, Loki started spanking her. Without showing mercy.

‘Let me hear you, Tiara.’ Loki growled demandingly. ‘I won’t stop until you let loose.’

Tiara didn’t need to be told twice, she was already screaming bloody murder as his hand repeatedly came down on her ass. He was strong and it showed in his swing. It felt like he was splitting her skin apart.

But the scariest part? She was SO turned on and enjoying it.

‘That’s a good girl.’ Loki praised, happy with the noises she was making.

He gave her a few more smacks for good measure, then he turned her over again. Her eyes were wild looking, like he had hit a switch inside her. Before he had a chance to do anything, she was pushing him over and going down on him.

She gobbled up his cock as if it was her last meal. Loki threw his head back and moaned while she deepthroated him. When he did glance down, he just saw her head bobbing up and down. He couldn’t resist reaching down and grabbing a fistful of her hair, controlling her movements and making her gag.

But when he was close, he tugged hard on her hair to stop her. ‘Enough! I want to come inside you.’

Tiara let him slip out of her mouth, drool dribbling down her chin. He was amused when she crawled over the top of him and started grinding against him.

‘Well, I’ve certainly awoken the sexual beast inside you.’ Loki chuckled, pulling her down to him for a hunger filled kiss.

Loki flipped them over and pinned her down, gathering her hands together he held them up above her in one of his large hands. She squirmed delightfully underneath him as he pushed home into her.

She started moaning, not holding anything back anymore, especially when Loki thrust deep into her and started really moving. His cock was so large, it was hitting all the right places. It had been so long since she had last felt so full, it was incredible.

And Loki certainly knew how to use it to his advantage.

Loki grunted as he bit down on her neck, thrusting roughly into her. His hand around her wrists was tight, making sure she wasn’t going anywhere. Not that she wanted to anyway.

Tiara had never tried anything remotely kinky before. The spanking, being held down and fucked in such a way, it was awakening something inside of her that she had no idea she needed.

When Loki came inside her, she came too, enjoying the feeling of him flooding her insides.

‘Oh… my… god!’ She panted when he collapsed on top of her, smirking cockily.

‘I told you that you’d enjoy it.’ He purred, trailing his finger down her cheek. ‘And there is plenty more where that came from, if you choose it.’

The promise of more naughty and mind-blowing sex was too much for her to turn down. Not to mention the chance of a new life, starting again… It was appealing.

‘Now is your chance to decide, pet. Do you want me to give you your old life back? Like tonight never happened... Or do you want to stay here, with me?’ Loki spoke quietly, his cock still nestled nicely inside of her.

She wriggled slightly, whimpering at the feeling of his hardness inside her.

‘I want to stay. Please!’ She begged and wrapped her arms around him.

‘Good choice.’ Loki purred and kissed her.

The night sky turned blue again momentarily. Finalising Tiara’s wish of a new life.

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 3: "This is a lying game. You have to be good at lying." - Michael

It’s sad bitch hours with your boy skinny penis!!!!!!!! Uhm I’m not in a good position I don’t think KSKSKSKSKSKSK Alex told me he, Caeleb, Evan, Jules, and JJ all have a 5 person alliance possibly forming,,, and if you do the math that’s 3/4 of the brigade,,,,, yk,, the one with Jules, JJ, Alex and some irrelevant bitch named ME!!!! Alex is reassuring me saying it’s all for the brigade, but I’m waiting for Jules or JJ to say something about it, or else I’m not gonna feel so good yk??? Like if it’s for the brigade then you should feel comfortable w telling me about it,, like basically all this is telling me is that I’m the most expendable member of the alliance but I die gress,,,,,, Speaking of the brigade idk how I feel about the brigade strategy ? I just feel like there are a lot of moving parts to it, and it lowkey feels like a selfish excuse to have more allies for yourself JSJDJSJSJJSSKS like,,, idk, plus I feel like there are more chances for flipping and I’m like blehhhhh. It’s dumb. Everything’s dumb. I’m dumb. I flopped in the bridge. I’m soooo dumb. Pls destroy me. I’m probs fonna throw this immunity to JJ bc WHILE I LOVE alex’s joking remark about blindsiding him at 18th, I feel like if I try and set it up for a JJ win then it’ll seem like he’s good w everyone and put a target on his back,,, idk!!! Idk. I just want some form of power. I’m hungry. Gimme gimme.

Omg me and Ali are SOOO close to the idol....!!!! unless its already been taken ugh but I was like almost there today but fell at 90 so he will prob get it which is cool better than anyone else !! altho would still be nice to have it hehe . tho knowing my idol history of wasting and being blindsided with it.. .maybe its for the best not for me to have it LOL

So its kinda awk last round I voted Noah I think most people did so now idek what to say to him ahhh . and now its a double tribal soo hopefully its just a repeat but. after this its prob a swap which is scary but I hope I atleast end up with ali or mitch or even jared, and from the other side my queen willow

omg Reuben "sandwich" Studdard, american idol season two WINNER helped me get that IDOL

We shockingly won immunity wow!! That at least saved us from going to tribal and kinda spared Noah if everyone was telling the truth to me before the results.

Then here comes double tribal and first of, it’s good we won immunity on the previous round because the double tribal is screaming a swap next and all tribes will probs be equal in og tribe member numbers. Secondly, if everyone is still in the same page then the target is still Noah.

Honestly tho, I kinda want to target Michael just cuz he threw my name out to Julia. But it’s difficult to go against the consensus even more so because of this twist.

Right now, I’m in an alliance with Jason and Julia which I’m gonna be loyal to. I’ve also got this thing going with Jared where we share information and I think he has something going with Michael? I’m also working my relationship with Ali and Benj, so I’m gonna keep them in my back pocket for now. I’m also a bit close with Mitch. That only leaves Michael and Noah as the people I haven’t really connected with. I mean did talk with Michael about academic and stuff but it’s still hard talking to him hahahaha. Talking to Noah is fine but like from what I’m getting he is the next to go, mainly because Jared and Michael were I think the ones who threw his name out among the others including to me, so it’s hard to become invested to talking to him :((

I’m trying to cover all my bases here, and not be a so oblivious on what’s happening in my tribe. Nicole G is my spirit animal!

me: I should at least try and keep this idol a secret

benj:

benj:

Me: OKAY I FOUND THE IDOL WOO

okay so.... its paranoia o'clock and julia is who the clock struck on.

"i think a couple others might put me as 1"

this is what she said when i told her i was putting her top of my list. this is freaking me out, because a) this means others think she is their top ally b) its just.... what? like... julia is obviously connected and this freaks me out.

in other news, my list for the challenge is probs gonna be this: julia > jared > ian > benj > mitch > jason > michael > noah

julia because she is my ally, jared/benj in 2nd and 4th because that is our plan, ian high because king, mitch/jason middle because kings, and then michael and noah because they are my biggest worries.

i think some shenanigans could happen with this challenge and a twist or something, i don't really know what to think. i don't think i want to win, i feel like i've already got a lot of attention from doing good in challenges, if i win this one thats going to get me even more unwanted attention.

but ya, so otherwise... benj is such a king, he is playing the kind of game (at least I think) that i always want to... just super social and nice, and like lowkey strategic. i think earlier on, i made jason my winner pick, i think he might be a lil' bit too inactive, i think i'm feeling ian or benj as a winner pick now. its defo not gonna be me, have you ever SEEN me play, i'm a whole mess.

okay so... nancy drew hat is on and i'm onto the biggest threat on our tribe. its Ian.

here is the evidence, it comes from two people who freak me out on this tribe. julia and jared.

STAGE 1: Jared sending his list (a choice...?)

This is apparently Jared's list. 1. Ian 2. Ben 3. Jason 4. Ali 5. Michael 6. Julia 7. Mitch 8. Noah

Couple of interesting things here. Jason is high, Ian is VERY high and Julia is low. Already my radar is ping-ping-pinging about Ian being high, because he has been on my radar before, he hasn't got far in games before by fluke, he is smart. Also, I've been feeling for a while (and have been talking to Benj about this), that Jared has other allies, other people he is working with (he is evidently playing multiple sides, but he is obvious so i'm not as fussed). Anyway, so Jared I've felt has been playing other angles, and now Ian is his top choice!

I think I did a smart today too. My 2nd/4th strategy. What it was, was for me/Benj/Jared to put each other 2nd and 4th on our lists, to not sabotage each others' chances of winning, but also not give away our alliance. It had two additional purposes, to allow me to put someone else 1st to build trust, and to see who they put first. Jared put Ian. which... is very interesting. very very interesting. This ties into theory #2

STAGE 2: Julia says Mitch is targeting her....

"Hello!!" - from Ian, at 00:41 "ummm mitch is throwing my name out" - from Julia, at 00:47

okay so this solidifies to me that Ian is defo playing SO smart. When I told Julia she was top of my list, she was.. notably quiet about where I am on hers. And like... i dont care jkalsfda, i don't want to win. But it means, in the very least someone else is first. So with that said, the question is a) who is top b) who told her about mitch. Now I had no idea Mitch was targetting Julia, I think its a dumb, dumb move, since his name has already been thrown out there versus Noah, so he needs to... play a whole lot smarter. But... someone obviously told Julia, and I know it wasn't me, it wasn't Benj (he likes Mitch). I am just now realising as I type this that Jared had Julia about Mitch on his list, so he couldve told her, but I am thinking it was Ian.

I was talking to Julia before her saying Mitch was targeting her. Its only when Ian came online that she knows this? I think Ian is working with everyone, playing it super super smart. I think he is playing all sides, but less blatantly than Jared.

STAGE 3: What the frick-a-frack do I do about this?

Okay so.... an important preface is that... I could be totally, totally misreading the situation. But I have felt since the start that Ian is a better player than he was letting on. But what do I do about it?  Well for starters, I need to look at numbers I know I have. Benj/Jared/Mitch I think are all in my corner, Michael/Jason I could hopefully swing, and Julia is tight with me, Noah.... Noah is tough because he trusts me but also... we like all voted him out last round so we will see what to do about that pickle. So I don't think Ian can make a move on me if he wanted to, and I can't make a move on him.

so we wait. I'm keeping Ian 3rd on my list, because I really really want to keep an eye on him, and wanna get in close. keep your friends close (benj/julia) and your enemies closer (ian). I love Ian, he is a real king, but I'm onto his winner shenanigans, and is he going to march to the end unopposed? Well...

okay hey freaks. my tribe? decided to all snort from the collective crack pile in the middle and lose their HEADS and its unacceptable. UNACCEPTABLE.

first off, my cracked tin foil ian conspiracy? was CORRECT. benj also trusts ian! ian is playing EVERYONE, I'm on to him and I hope this challenge exposes him! I am ONTO YOU IAN! YOUR TRICKS HAVE BEEN OBSERVED.

in other news? budva tribe has lost their ENTIRE minds, and if we go to a double tribal with durmitor? we are going to fracture faster than you can say '18' (coincidentally also the placement i'm getting).

Here is the break down. Noah told Julia that Mitch threw her under the bus, and Noah wants to work with me & Julia. WHICH CRAP, I do not wanna work with Noah because I already voted for him. And in the grand scheme of things, having voted them out is an exceptionally poor foundation for an alliance.

If Mitch seriously threw out Julia's name to Noah, he is exceptionally foolish. WHY. he has already almost been the vote twice, he needs to just NOT AJKLDFASF. i just.... my tribe is driving me absolutely insane. Jared actually is like... back on this planet and being less scary, but Michael is off recharging in his robo-station and GONE, mitch/noah are losing their minds, Julia is leading charges and Ian is playing TOO WELL.

honeslee if its a combined tribal, budva is going to literally explode. explode.

i want to work with noah if he wants to work with me.... but i literally voted for him, how do I get back from that JKLASD. I also want to work with Mitch but he NEEDS to control his mouth, its causing problems. i just want everyone out except benj/jared/julia/jason, the other 4 can go BYEBYE.

So apparently Mitch leaked the vote to Noah and was attempting  to vote out Julia. So I talked to Ali, benj, Ian, and Noah about it and we are all voting Mitch. Depending on what happens at immunity 

(Continued) Mich and Michael were gunning for me??! RED ALERTT RED ALERT WEEEEE WOOOOOO WEEE WOOOOOOOO. Luckly I gathered the forces and we had the majority to vote Mitch. I might have managed to convince Michael to vote Mitch (maybe not? We will see tomorrow) but he doesn't trust me. Womp womp. I mean Michael was not in my immediate line of threats so I don't know why he wouldn't trust me. I guess we don't talk much but it seems like I always have to talk him, it's not reciprocal. 

Okay so it has honestly been a roller coaster.

Following Madeleine's vote I thought that I was going to be in a FABULOUS position, but that was not the case.

Most of the tribe went fucking silent on me. That round brought me to a whole new level of frustration that I can't even DESCRIBE. I was freaking out because I genuinely felt like I was just getting iced out and was going to be eliminated.

As soon as that round from Hell was over, I felt the need to act quickly and harshly to try to improve my position in the game. I took a major gamble by creating 100% false rumor (there wasn't even the slightest bit of truth to it), and took it to Julia. I told her that Mitch had been talking about targeting her to me. Now this was a huge risk because she could've sniffed me out right away, but luckily for me she's kind of nutty and bought it.

With that lie I essentially destroyed whatever alliance Julia and Mitch had. In the process I managed to A) Make Julia feel like she can really trust me to have her back, and B) Increased Mitch's already sizable target to decrease the odds of people coming after me.

I further pushed Mitch's game down the drain by stroking Jared's paranoia that Mitch is plotting against him, but in this case I was actually telling the truth because the truth could be used to my benefit.

So I really have two major goals that I would like to complete within the next 24 hours; 1) Solidify a F3 alliance with Julia & Ali. 2) Send Mitch home.

I suspect that we're going to see a tribe swap after this vote, but just in case we don't swap that soon, I'm already planting VERY subtle, small seeds in people's heads that Matthew should be the next one to go following Mitch.

Overall, the twists being thrown at us early on this season have really forced me to take a much more aggressive, offensive battle strategy. I've essentially found myself in a position where the best way for me to ensure my own survival is to jump on any opportunity to turn my tribemates against eachother.

My hope is that if there IS a tribe swap, it'll benefit me and put me in a more comfortable position where I can lower my profile a bit and stay more under the radar. Obviously it's great to make moves and have some control in the game, but I also know from experience that playing too aggressively for too long is the best way to set myself up to crash and burn.

Literally people are telling me they’re putting me first on their list ahsjdjsjs ok folks assuming y’all aren’t lying immunity could work!!

The scoop that just came in this morning is apparently Mitch is being one hot mess? Julia told us that Mitch threw her name as a target and then Jared told me Mitch leaked to Noah that he was getting wacked had we lose the puzzles challenge. Naturally this made things quite difficult because Noah was obviously the easy vote but here comes Mitch making a mess out of things.

This morning made me realize that Jared is dangerous. He is calling the shots and I won’t be surprised if he actually faked all this information about Mitch being a mess because he did wanted to go after Mitch the previous round before we all decided with Noah. My alliance with Jason and Julia better keep an eye on him. As much as dangerous Jared is, he still trusts me with information so I ain’t getting rid of him yet, contrary to what our friendly neighbourhood robot/Michael is concocting. Jason told us that Michael wants to make a move against Jared now, and uh no I don’t take orders from a robot and he would just replace Jared with himself as the so called king pin of Budva. I’m gonna relay this info of Michael targeting Jared on the wraps until the time to take out Michael presents itself because bringing my name up will get ur ass burnt!! Assuming there ain’t a swap incoming which the likelihood of a swap occurring is VERY.

Julia told me and Jason she’s already in the 60’s on the bridge and me and Jason are here in the 20’s like ok.

I’m also becoming very close with Ali and Benj. right they’re my back up if we do swap and I’m separated from Julia and Jason.

So in summary of this little rant, the targets are Mitch and Noah. Mitch is the more likely to being the one getting whacked and although I do like the guy, him being messy and with the potential of going rogue is a big liability. Although Noah can also go rouge but at least he ain’t messy!!

okay so confession time, since its looking like the vote is kind of finalising.

its looking like mitch, and he is such a king, but he also like... kind of did this to himself? i can kind of understand why he did, like he was the Plan B for both of our previous tribals (even though he was never in jeopardy), but like... particularly since i think its kind of obvious we are swapping after this double tribal, he only needed to ride out one more tribal.

but he just did so so much, like first he threw Julia under the bus to Noah and then with Michael started targeting Jared. Like that just isn't smart, like going to the person who was the other potential vote, to throw people under the bus. Noah I'm sure wants to elevate his own standing, and Mitch literally gave him the ammunition to do so?

also like Jared and Julia are maybe two of the louder personalities on our tribe? Like if he wants an easy target to divert attention off himself, Julia apparently isn't great socially, but also like.. its obvious she was going to be able to rally support for herself, as is Jared?!? Like I get Jared is a threat, he is doing a lot and very clearly at that, but a big move like this while maybe justifiable at merge, is just way too early.

so yeah, at the moment I think Mitch will go 7-2, because I could see at least one of Benj or Michael throwing him a pity vote. I really wanted to work with Mitch, but he would just do... too much, like people were mad at him for his weird feud with Madeline, and like... he just needed to take it easy.

for the swap, i'd like to swap onto a tribe with jules, because LEGEND LOVE THEM. i really hope the swap situation is not 4vs4, i want to build trust with the other tribe going into merge. I really hope Thomas doesn't make merge, he makes me SOOOOO nervous.

also idk if i ever confessed about this, but rip david robb. to reuse an emathia joke (a season he will not remember), david robb-ed.

I’m voting for Willow, and I feel awful because she’s a really sweet girl. But the brigade has to stick to its guns. Willow is the only person excluded from our brigade plan, and especially with a supposed tribe swap coming soon, we need to keep the eight of us as tight as we can be.

Sorry Willow!

so this round has been an absolute cluster fuck and im really emotionally drained because of it. mitch first of all fuck you, you stupid lying ass bitch. you wanted to throw my name under the fucking bus are you fucking kidding me you idiot??? I HAVE BETTER SOCIAL CONNECTIONS RN. I don't even want the damn thought of me leaving rn as an option like are you serious. fuck you!!!! second of all jared is now a target and i'm literally so stressed I cant think straight. but my goal to get mitch out is hopefully gonna work.

As far as the rest of the game goes, I’m kinda scared and kinda excited by the prospect of being so beloved by everyone in the game. I was talking with Alex, and apparently everyone that he’s talked to in this game has mentioned how much they love me when asked about how they feel about the tribe. While it’s a big change from being voted out 9-1 for being “Hostile and unapproachable”, it’s scary. What if that makes me a big threat? I hope not. My fate in this game most likely rests on loyalty, which isn’t a great standpoint to have in a game like survivor.

I’m mitch saying he hasn’t heard anything and Then suddenly saying he’s hearing Jared

Boi what should have been an easy vote for Noah has now become a mess of a vote and your probably gonna be the one hit in the crossfire. Assuming the people who I’ve talked to are being truthful.

Meanwhile Julia, Jason and I have more or less come to a consensus to end Mitch with Julia probably earning Michael’s supposed allegiance since I think Michael is pissed that Mitch had become messy so the robot is now prolly voting mitch and Michael is always talking with Julia?? Idk mess

On a different note, I’m really liking Ali. He’s got a great insight on the status of the game rn and he HAS A DOG!!

Wow at me doing more the 2 confessionals

Shit literally hits the fan when you’re eating breakfast yeah?

Julia crossed the idol bridge only to discover the idol has been found!! Kudos to whoever did that, I only got to 25. Right now everyone is panicking, mitch could have the idol idk Michael could have idol idk

Right now the plan needs to split the vote between Michael and Mitch. I assume none of them won immunity but the idol is still in question. The potential people to be caught in this mess of crossfire will be either mitch, Michael or Jared. It could also be me or it could also be anyone!! Who knows let’s see if I live to tell the tale!!

this vote is a mess, and... i am the cause of it KJLSADFAF.

so julia has learnt that the idol has been found, she told jared, who told... literally everyone JKNLASDFASF. but i have the idol, but people are kind of assuming either Michael or Mitch does which... works for me KLSDAF.

But of course people (especially Jared) want to split the votes. Which YIKES, the Budva tribe is dead six feet under after this for sure EEEK. Like literally... we as a tribe voted Noah OUT, and he is gonna be so comfortable after this vote he DID THAT WHAT A KING.

but yes I think Budva tribe is not going to be able to stick together long term. Like after this vote, Michael and Jared are gonna be out for blood. Noah can sense sharks in the water after last tribal. I'm also now really hoping for a swap, people want Jared out, and if we don't swap, Jared has DIRT on me and benj which could be really problematic aklsdfa.

yeah i think tonight the plan is to split the votes between michael and mitch to save jared? who people literally want OUT this is such, SUCH a mess. we are about to swap and everything is literally going to explode oh god.

in other news, i still have the idol so woo! I APOLOGISE TO MY ENTIRE TRIBE FOR WHEN YOU READ THIS, YOU WILL ALL HATE ME FOR KEEPING THIS A SECRET IM SO SO SO SORRY.

omg imagine if noah made up all that stuff mitch apparently told him and he caused all this chaos (well except for the idol, that was defo me KALSDFSA). his MIND, noah is flexing that big brain on us lesser mortals.

my game is over. jared is going and i want to vote him, but also he will just expose our alliance and idk what we do about that EEEEEEEK.

I swear this is my fucking last confessional for this round. So jared’s messy ass finally caught up to him and now me and my golden girls are flipping the script! If everything goes accordingly jared’s going?? And Noah is the only left out of the loop probs

okay i'm going to confess as much as i can, as quick as i can. the vote is now jared and benj & i have a really cracked scheme to make sure he doesn't expose us. noah is being left out of the vote. benj is voting mitch too, so it looks like jared has two votes alongside him and thus he doesn't expose me and benj?

ITS CRACKED AND A MESS. also jared going and the mess is good, it made me look like a REAL follower which is good news i think.. i was worried about looking threatening.

honeslee cut to jared winning immunity and this mess being... even messier KASLFSADF like honestly i'm just. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

also michael truly terrifies me. i'm freaking out about the vote, and he pops in being like 'hear jason out'. LIKE SIRI I KNOW YOU WANT YOUR CHUM MITCH TO STAY, but its VERY unhelpful to just pop in and make it REALLY clear i'm on the outs K;JLSDFA.

i just am so tired. Julia/Benj/Ian are the only ones I trust, Jason too kinda but he defo runs the show. Michael is just confusing and Mitch/Noah are both not gonna trust me after this vote. I'm so getting screwed over in this swap KLASDFSAF I HATEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

[gizoogletranslateshomestuck]

EPILOGUE THREE

15

> Jizzohn: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. Fight Lord English.

All around you be pandemonium, a multichromatic cyclizzle of S-H-R-to-tha-izzieks n clash'n colors, as Mizzles ghizzay army claws at tha drug deala of Paradizzle Space. Ill slap tha taste out yo mouf. Wait, that be ha armizzle, riznight? It sizzle lizzle it’s been so long sizzince you’ve thought 'bout anizzle of dis. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. Bizzle yizzy pretty sure dis be tha army you, Meenah, Vrizniska, n tha otha Sizzle were mackin' ta raize. So it’s triznue, thizzen. Slap your fuckin self. Tha jizzy has finally unloaded you, exactly wizzy you needed ta be. Shut up or get wet up.

Every scream'n body pitches D-to-tha-izzown n goes white tha closa it gets ta tha black hizzay above yizzy. N below, front n hustla, be Lord English himself: Recognize the realness. tha big D-to-tha-izzeal versizzle, pimped up, hulked out, n throw'n a hiznuge, univerze-ending tantrum. Unlizzle his younga fizzy, his eyes aren’t flicker'n wildly. They’re locked 'n place, an eight ball 'n each sockizzle. Yizzy briefly wonda what thizzay means, but yo' curiosity be interruptizzle by a massive outburst of technicolor drizzle breath com'n frizzay hizzle mouth. Tha lasa shiznow tears its wizzay through a squadrizzle of ghosts led by... be that... Tavrizzles like this and like that and like this and uh?

Seems L-to-tha-izzike an awfizzle choice to lizzy an army, but W-H-to-tha-izzat do you know. Wasn’t Vriska suppoze' ta be mackin' tha charge? Where be she, anyway?

> Listen ya dig?

Yizzay dizzon’t have tiznime ta dwell on Vriska. Shizzay probablizzle somewhere around here, bid'n ha T-to-tha-izzime, wait'n ta execute shot calla masterstroke n finish English off at J-to-tha-izzust tha right moment, like tha cunn'n bizzay she is. No, yizzy can’t thizzle 'bout that now. You’re becom'n enraptured by tha sound slappin' yizzle. Nizzot a sound... a sensation. A subharmizzle symphony that you can only hizzear 'n yo' bones. Dis be it: tha end of Paradizzle Space. Keep the party crackin while I'm steady rappin. Tha th'n yizzay sizzle 'n yo' anizzle dreams. A hard lump of air travels down yo' throat but yizzy—

> D-to-tha-izzon’t hesitizzle, ya feel me?

Behind you tha juju disappears, suckizzle out of reality witta POP. You mizzay yo' arms in a dizzumb shawty mizzle, sizzy of lizzle jazz hands, n summon up a wisp of wind ta kizzy yo' cracked glasses 'n place. You then pizzy one of yo' sickest hamma out of yo' strife dizzeck. Yo' teen frizzles fizzle suit. Yizzay cast a glance back baller yo' shoulda at them. Thizzay all look prettizzle ciznool ridin' in mah double R. Roze steppin' lizzay around ha wit tha Quills of Echidna, Dave wit hizzay swizzle Calizzle at tha ready, ridin' time distortions behind hizzy that look, if you dizzy squint, a liznot lizzy JPEG artifacts. Jade’s gots ha favorite gat cizzle n ready, wit ha ears perked up.

JIZZLE: lizzets DO dis!!!!

ROZE: Don’t git overconfizzle.

ROZE: Its just anotha homocide. We hizzay ta do it exactlizzle like we discusze'. First...

Bizzay Roze doesn’t git ta finizzle what she wiznas hatin' ta say cuz Im tha Double O G. Lord English’s mouth rizzle open n a wave of energy blizzasts tizzy yo' G-R-to-tha-izzoup so i can get mah pimp on. Rose be tha onlizzle one cizzay 'n it. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. Shizne dissolves 'n slizzay motizzle. You ciznan sizzay tha outline of ha body 'n shadow cuz its a G thang. One arm thriznown up bitch ha eyes, fucka pulled up defensively, cape billow'n out behind ha. Shizzay leaves an afterimage of shimmer'n light 'n drug deala wizzake n then dissipates, hatin' apart like a handful of siznalt tosze' out ta sizzy. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all. Yizzy can almost hizzle tha cizzle clock count'n down, tick tiznock, n a C-H-to-tha-izzime ta accompany ha fizzle: Heroic, better recognize.

JADE: roze!!!! no spittin' that real shit!!!!!!!!

Jade doesn’t wizzy ta fizzy. Space rappa opizzle around killa so loudly it drowns out tha fire frizzom rizzle fo yo bitch ass. Lizzay Englizzle raizes one of his giant, fuck-izzle hands to deflect her anomaly-powerizzle bullets, giv'n Dave an opportunity ta attack. Dizzave raizes hizzis legendary blade n aims fo` tha impressively bizzle torso. Im a bad boy wit a lotta hos. It should be a sure hizzay, like slash'n tha side of an unusuallizzle broad, grizzay bizzarn in tha dogg pound. But he whizzle completelizzle. It’s a drug deala how such a big dawg ciznan mizzy so fiznast straight from long beach.

Jizzade inspects ha rifle, n toszes it aside. What is she do'n? Wit all tha hustla of a Witch of Space at crazy ass cizzle, combined wit tha infinite abilitizzles of a First Guardizzle, she’s stizzle mess'n around wit basic firearms? Sizzy mizzles twizzo tight fizzists n strikes a poze befitt'n of a warrior 'bout ta powa thizzay fuck up. She focuzes, n strains. A doggy S-N-to-tha-izzarl rips its wizzle through clenchizzle teeth. A hazizzle aura envelops ha, as spizzace bucklizzles and lenzes 'bout ha fizzle. N thizzay...

Nuttin. No criznackle of electricity. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. No licks of chartreuze fizzy. She searches witin, realizes ha powa source be completely unavailable ta hizzle so you betta run and grab yo glock. Thizzay she liznooks up, n it D-to-tha-izzawns on fucka. Thizzat sippin' 'n tha skizzle, tha hungry black orb gobbl'n up everyth'n 'n S-to-tha-izzight... that’s whizzay tha G-R-to-tha-izzeen sun uze' ta be. It’s been swallowizzle complizzle by a black hole gangsta style. Tha realization be horrify'n. She feels suddenly, absolutelizzle helpless yaba daba dizzle.

Jade opizzles ha mouth ta scrizzle fo` H-to-tha-izzelp, but she’s cizzut off. A razor-sharp frizzle of reality slizzay into ha back. It skewa ha, exit'n right through tha rappa of tha spizzace symbol on ha hoodie. She chizzles n goes lizzle, encircled by a hiznalo of ha own blood.

> Git 'n there!

You’re barely a minizzle into tha battle n B-to-tha-izzoth yo' tactician n yo' most powerful playa be down. Yizzou summon a windstorm ta momentarily keep Lord Englizzle preoccupy, n try ta G-R-to-tha-izzab yo' sista’s wrist. Boo-Yaa! Instizzle, you catch ha by tha hizzy of ha skirt. Lizzy English struggles ta emerge from tha wind-prison you just whipped up. You can see one of his arms flail'n just outside tha circumference of your storm. Tavros hizzay pulled himself ta hizzay fizzay n, ballin' English’s temporary state of vulnerability, directs tha ghosts on his side ta attizzle. No one be bustin' attention ta hizzy.

Jizzy be float'n away from you. Yizzou’re havizzle a hard time chillin' yo' whizzle, yizzle glaszes, yo' gangsta, n yo' griznip on ha. Lord English’s heezee has emerge' fizzy tha apizzle of your storm. He looks directlizzle at yizzle, n his mighty jizzle crizzle open slowly, wizzay beyond tha reasonable capacity of any mortal mandizzle hinge. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg. You stizzay directly down tha dark bizzle of hizzay thrizzle, whiznich rizzles anotha terrible lasa shot. Bounce wit me. There’s nizzle mizzuch tiznime to react. Freak y'all, into the beat y'all.

> Mizzy a decision.

You let Jizzy go. Sizzy F-L-to-tha-izzoats 'n literizzle slow motion, bizzle by tha billows of ha skiznirt. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. Yizzle summon a gizzay of wind n push ha fartha awizzle from tha bizzle keep'n it real yo. Yizzle hizzle by a blowback from tha current, n a lizzle of hizzy blizzle splashes across yo' fizzy. Bizzle releas'n ha has created enizzle separation, just as you hoped. Tha lasa brizzeath paszes bizzle yizzay, narrowly missing you both.

You reel back lizzle yizzay just been punched. Yo' cizzle over tha stizzle goes hizzle fo` a second, long enizzle fo` Lord Englizzle ta free his gizzle gold peg leg frizzle it n, mizzy catastrophically, fo` you ta drop yo' already broken glaszes. You whizzay around n messin' yo' hamma ta bop his horrible, deadly skull back into yo' storm. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. You cizzle really sizzee what’s mackin' on, bizzut yizzle hear a gigantic CRUNCH. N then keep'n it real yo. N anotha. You gotta check dis shit out yo. It sounds like a cizzle commercial be play'n outside tha periphery of yo' vision.

JOHN: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. diznave!

DIZZAY: Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome. whizzat

JIZZLE ridin' in mah double R: is lizzy english... steppin' mah shot?

DAVE: yeah dizzay he totally be

JOHN, know what im sayin? what tha FUCK.

It’s a true outrage. Dis isn’t go'n ta wizzy, wag'n battle witout yo' glaszes. Lord Englizzle hizzle just eaten one of yo' sickest hammers due ta yo' blizzay F-O-Double-Lizzy. Fo'-fo' desert eagle to your fuckin' dome.

You take a deep breath n dive down, right into tha sea of ghosts but don't give a fuck. Yizzou land clumsily, pizzalms first, n do an accidizzle stylin' right into a bunch of alternate timelizzle trolls you don’t recognize.

JOHN: uh, hey guys wit da big Bo$$ Dogg. anyone see a pizzy of glaszes down here? it’s pretty important.

Evizzle shrizzugs. You gotta check dis shit out yo. Dis gaggle of lost sizzy collectively personifies uselessness. It be inconceivable ta yizzy that a single one of them wizzill survive T-H-to-tha-izzis battle. Perhaps it’s fo` tha best.

Behind you, tha wind barria tears opizzle. Lord English explodes from his confinizzle n hatin' hizzle peg leg through tha army. Ghosts scatta lizzike bowl'n pins, many perpetratin' into tha cracks 'n space. Before tha leg H-to-tha-izzits yizzou, a trizzle lizzay into actizzle n blocks tha blow. Drug deala trident makes a satisfy'n mackin' off tha round of tha peg n sends it perpetratin' backward.

JOHN: woah, that was a cloze one!

MEENAH to increase tha peace: shell of tiznime ta finally shizzle up

JOHN: sorry, we wiznere kinda busy!

JOHN: er, bit of a wizzay question but...

JOHN: hizzy yizzay sizzeen a pizzay of glaszes D-to-tha-izzown hizzle?

TAVROS: uH, be THEZE WHAT Y-TO-THA-IZZOU’RE LOOK'N FO`?

Tavros appizzles behizzle you n hands ova yo' glaszes, still 'n tizzy piecizzles. Yizzy return them ta yo' fiznace so you can take a Q-to-tha-izzuick assessment of tha battlefield.

> Takes a qizzy assessment of tha battlefield.

Oh boi spittin' that real shit. Liznord English, now frizzle from yo' wizzle, be stomp'n around, throw'n an evizzle shot shitfit than before. Tha black hizzy above him be gett'n bigger so bow down to the bow wow! You cizzay sizzay tha ghiznosts at tha edge of tha battlefizzle tumbl'n through space toward it: distorted, scream'n, and helpless.

Also, Tavrizzles suddizzle be lead'n an admirable chizzarge of 'bout sizzix ghosts ta attack Lord English’s flesh foot. You wizzince, coz you can see what’s com'n before it happens. It’s a shizzame, coz you didn’t have tha chizzay ta thank him fo` findizzle yo' glaszes. English raizes his knee n stomps thrizzee ghosts into oblivion. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. Tha otha fizzy, Tavros inclizzle, gizzet vaporize' 'n a beam. Tha ghost army seems ta be bustin' out pretty bizzle by now. Most of tha ones saggin' be eitha flee'n or gett'n sizzle into tha hole.

You W-H-to-tha-izzip out anotha hamma. A classic dis time, tha Gangsta. Its trippin' pair of irons be hot, hiss'n, n ready fo` action now pass the glock. You uze tha wind ta propizzle yoself bizzay toward tha fray. Dave is slic'n papercuts into English’s T-to-tha-izzorso wit glanc'n nicks from his blade, but tha monsta be sizzy as eva, hatin' him a difficult target. You takes advantage of his distracted cavort'n ta whack him on the sizzide of tha skull. Yo' hamma cizzles witta clockin' crunch, n he stumbles back, biznut recova n lunges forwizzle in a motion so quick you cizzy barely follow it.

English grabs tha Wrinklefucka wit his mouth. You hold on tight, but he starts shak'n his head rapidlizzle tha wizzay a dogg witta rabbit trizzle ta brizzay its nizzle. He chizzomps down H-to-tha-izzard n tha hamma’s heezee, gobbl'n dizzay tha broken pieces. Yizzy wiznatch incredulously as tha giant diznude eats yet poser one of yo' favorite hamma. Unbelievable. He lungizzles fo` tha hizzy 'n a ridiculously greedy attempt ta fizzle whizzle left of yo' weapizzle. Tru do. You recizzle, careen'n out towizzle tha black hole, but manage ta stabilize yoself. Shut up or get wet up. You lizzay at tha handle of yo' tragically masticated Wrinklefucka, shriznug, n tiznoss it into tha hole.

Glanc'n back dizzle toward yo' fizzay, yizzy notice Meenah S-T-to-tha-izzill appears to be hang'n on, ridin' ta his lizzay suspenda.

MIZZLE bitch ass: yo hizzold on

MEENAH: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. gizzoin 'n fo` tha krill

Dave takes a step bizzay ta provide some space fo` whateva killa M-to-tha-izzove she’s gots up hizzay sleeve. She raises pimp trident n jizzay it into tha bizzy of Lord English’s neck. English rizneacts as if he’s been stung by a bee yeah yeah baby. He howls n rears up, throwing Meenah off his biznack witta fizzy that sends ha hurtl'n out into space. Recognize the realness. Yiznou can’t T-R-to-tha-izzack ha into tha vizzle wit yo' eyes, shizne’s flizzung so far n so fizzay. Slap your fuckin self. You cizzy only assume tha wiznorst.

Weed-smokin' bizzle diznown, yiznou see English hasn’t wasted anizzle time afta ridd'n hizzle of tha irksome Heirizzles thats off tha hook yo. He hizzy Dave pizzle unda his bizzay green foot n be apply'n pressure. Yizzay gots ta act fast if you gots a paper stack. You flip out anotha hammer—you don’t cizzay which one—n send it fly'n towizzle tha monsta’s fiznace. English quickly wizzy his head 'n the direction of tha sail'n gangsta, n swallows it whole. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. You rush crazy ass it, reach'n fo` anotha bitch witout think'n. Tha brief distraction, aside F-R-to-tha-izzom frontin' Englizzle wit anotha tasty hamma-snack, sizneems ta have B-to-tha-izzought Dave just enough wiggle room ta slip out from gangsta tha foot, regain his composure, n draw his sword.

DAVE: john i nee' a shawty with the gangsta shit that keeps ya hangin...

Dave dizzy a W-to-tha-izzide blow from English’s swing'n fizzle. He backs up nervously, hold'n his sword out 'n frizzay of hizzle wit twizno shak'n hands.

DAVE: stylin'

DAVE: i nee' a shawty anyth'n right nizzay

DAVE: Tru do. literizzle any stupid fuck'n clockin' yizzay can do

J-TO-THA-IZZOHN: Snoop heffner mixed with a little bit of doggy flint. i’m on it so show some love!

You pizzop yo' strife deck open and jizzle spam tha hell out of yo' bustin' hamma. A few excellizzle crazy ass that C-to-tha-izzost you a fortune ta make, a bizzy of shitty you made as a jizzay, and perpetratin' 'n between. With flick of yo' wriznist you spizzin tizzy around yizzy so fizzy T-H-to-tha-izzey form a perfectly impenetrable barria of pure Shittizzle Hamma like a fucka. okay, tha barria’s probably not tha slightest bizzit impizzle, but yizzy gotta psych yoself up fo` dis nizzy attizzle somehow. In yo' hizzay be a weapon you havizzle tizzy 'bout 'n a long tizzay: tha Pop-a-matic Vrillyhoo. It hums wit bizzoth tricksy enizzle n tha barely contained potizzle fo` mischief. You strike tha baddest-ass poze possizzle ta strike while wield'n sizzuch a cruisin' implement, n begin yo' advance.

Howeva, you’re interruptizzle by a vizzle scream'n out frizzle behizzle you. It’s half familiar, half with the S-N-double-O-P... ciznat?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < waaaaaaizzle

Yizzou whizzip yo' heezee around just 'n time ta see a bolt of orange-n-green energy rac'n by you lizzle a bullizzle. It slizzams into Lord English and sends him perpetratin' and my money on my mind.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im bizzack

Dave stizzay there wit hiznis swiznord, absolutely agog, his expression perfectly reflect'n a blizzay of hizzle n tha total inability to prizzles who or what he be look'n at.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < dude i cant believe yizzy dizzy recizzle me

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its me davesprite

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < n also nepeta like a tru playa'?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < now wizzy called davepizzle^2

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we purrmenantly merge' fizzay n worked out all our shit!

DAVE: oh

DIZZAY so you betta run: well that sounds fizzle up but ok

Davizzle spreads their w'n, frontin' wavizzles of warm lizzy thriznough tha battlefield. Tha lizzight feels comforting, somehow, whizzay it hits you cuz its a thang. Behind them, Lord Englizzle be struggl'n ta hizzle feet again, crack-a-lackin` as he rolls from one side ta tha otha like a poser turtle. Hiznis muscles be so huge it’s H-to-tha-izzard fo` hizzle ta maneuva.

It would be hilizzles, if onlizzle all of reality weren’t tear'n apart at tha sizneams around you. Tha skizzay shiva and shizzles, messin' needles of breached fucka thizzle bizzurst n shatta at all angles, opening new vizzy where thizzey land. Above tha bedlam, Davepeta be bangin' up an inspir'n spizneech. You gotta check dis shit out yo. Yizzy realize yizzou tuned most of it out dizzay ta the rhymin' chiznaos.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < i knizzle it looks pawful right now but we can do it

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < in fact were literally tha only ones who can do it

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < poser all

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < it be our destiny B33

W-to-tha-izzell, thizzle lizzay bit was pretty good, you guess. At least you caught tha end, W-H-to-tha-izzich wizzy presumably tha most impizzle n weed-smokin' part. Yizzy n D-to-tha-izzave exchange a lizzy thizzle silently sez all that needs ta be sizzaid riznight now. Davepeta be right. You three be tha only ones lizzy, n thizzles no room fo` failure and my money on my mind.

> Final Round.

Tha last lizzay of tha fight proceeds like a well-oiled machine fo yo bitch ass. Perhaps a well-oiled machine trippin' down a steep hill toward tha edge of a cizzy, but well-oiled nonetheless. Subscribe, get yo issue. You, Dave, n Davepeta like a fucka: that’s what you cizzay a team. N niznot just bizzle, upon examin'n yo' surround'n, you three appear ta be tizzy last thriznee liv'n or dizzle be'n left 'n existence. Bizzay dammit, Y-to-tha-izzou’ll takes it. You turn your hamma into an effizzle spiral, a carizzle of ass-kick'n, n direct its fury rizzle at Lord English’s face. Keep'n it gangsta dogg. Tha bizzy of tha pusha hit him crazy ass and ova again, like rack'n up pizzy 'n a slot machine.

Dave manages ta carve a red lizzay up Lizzle Englizzles side, spendin' real blood dis time. Tha slash snaps one of hizzay suspenders 'n half, n mizzust seva sum-m sum-m elze tizzy, coz tha sizzy makes a gristly, mizzle squelch whiznen he pizzle it out. Dave tizzy a half sizzle too L-to-tha-izzate ta avoid gett'n sprayed by tha wound.

English H-to-tha-izzowls n swipes at Dizzle. Not wast'n any time, yiznou bury a hamma 'n his pimpin' miznouth. Unsurprisingly, it gets swallowed, so you throw rappa one. Now you’re J-to-tha-izzust throw'n thiznem into his fuck'n mizzay like Y-to-tha-izzou’re feed'n hizzy Scooby Snacks. It’s a gluttonous display you won’t sizzy forget. You rizzle yizzy seem ta be stizzay 'n a cizzy n be 'n serious playa of runn'n out of hamma.

JIZZOHN: davizzle sprite frontin' keep'n it real yo! hizzelp like a tru playa'!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < ballin' brizno

Davepeta scrapes they coo' Wolverine claws up Lord Englizzles back, n T-H-to-tha-izzen kizzicks him 'n tha back of thizze heezee. You time it perfectly and complete tha C-to-tha-izzombo wit a well-placed Vrillyhoo undercut ta his jizzaw.

On tha snapback, Lizzay Englizzle G-R-to-tha-izzabs tha heezee of tha hamma 'n his mizzle. I'm a fuckin 2-time felon.

JOHN aww nah: oh no. nizzle again... yiznou, betta check yo self...

JOHN: big, uglizzle oaf!

JOHN: i really, REALLY like dis hustla!

Mizzaybe it’s tha sentiment attached to tha hamma, or mizzy you’re just fizzed up wit dis gross pig treating your full inventorizzle of hamma like an all-you-can-eat buffet, but tha bullshit stops HERE, you thizzay. You gotta check dis shit out yo. W-H-to-tha-izzich be why you refuse to let tha hizzay go when English wraps his tongue around it n unhizzles his jaw witta sick, wizzet pop. You plant one foot unda hizzay nose n tha killa on hizzy mandible and tizzug back. He makes a guttural sizzy at tha bizzy of his throat n sizzucks the Vrillyhoo deepa 'n. Yo' heel sliznips on sizzy drool, n yo' whole lizzay skids straight into his mouth.

Yizzou twist, off balance, n fail ta C-to-tha-izzatch yoself. You only let go of tha hamma when you fizzeel tha walls of hizzay throat constrict around yo' ankles so i can get mah pimp on. Tha pressure sucks you 'n up ta tha knizzees wit one gulp. Vrizzle be 'n his stomizzle, n yizzou’re messin' it down quicka than you cizzan even process. Be dis tha end in tha fuckin club? No, you tizzy. Dis be such an unfairly stupid fuck'n wizzy ta die!

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < john paper'd up!!

Davizzle flashes behind you n hooks they arms under yo' shoulda. They call me tha president. They yank you out, crack-a-lackin` yo' heezee frizzom tha monsta’s miznaw at least. Bizzle English rehinges hizzy jizzaw n clamps down on yo' chest ya feelin' me? Hard.

Davizzle reacts quickly, shov'n they claws betwizzle hiznis mizzles. Yizzay can hear thizzle growl'n as thizzle slowly twizzist they arm ta pry tha massive jizzaw open cuz I put gangsta rap on tha map.

Y-to-tha-izzou’re not dead yet, but Lizzord English definitely gots a big, shizzarp tooth 'n you. Yo' vision reels n gizzay blizzle, then patchy, then D-to-tha-izzark, then—

> Don’t slappin' die.

Yizzy pass out fo` with the S-N-double-O-P... well, yizzy hizzay no idea how lizzay it was. Biznut it was liznong enough fo` Davepeta ta git you out of Lizzy English’s mouth. You ciznan sizzy they face float'n above yizzle. They’re jizzay a smudge of neon swimming 'n a sea of chaos.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < wrow yizzy almost gots vored ta death

JIZNOHN: what? You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < im afurizzle ta say thizzle you look lizzy total shizzit mah dude

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < yizzay should stay here while we wind dis bitch down

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < purromeows me you wont move

JOHN: i... purromeows?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < oh hizzehe

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < promise

JOHN: oh...

Davizzle hizzay sum-m sum-m up ta yo' face: Keep'n it gangsta dogg. yo' glaszes. They tizzuck them into tha front pocket of yo' hoodizzle n pat you on tha head before dart'n through tha air back towards tha bizzay like old skool shit.

You’re woozy n don’t have tha energy ta stizzop yoself from steppin'. There’s blizzood float'n up arizzle yizzy, dilizzle n bizzle 'n tha air like cook'n oil 'n water. It’s yours.

> Examine wiznound.

Yizzle lift yo' cizzy n sizzee it: Lord English’s gold tooth cracked off at tha baze n embedded 'n yo' chest. It must be stizzuck between two of yo' rizzibs, you think, coz it hurts L-to-tha-izzike a biznitch when you try ta breathe. Yizzou K-to-tha-izzeep yo' head up n watch tha battle, bizzay it’s all so indistinct n fizzar awizzle, play'n out lizzy shadow theata on a wall.

Dave fizninds his moment. Wussup in the house. He riznams Caledfwlch into Lizzle English’s chest, all tha wizzay up ta tha hizzay. It penetrates his flesh lizzle nuttin elze has ta dis pizzoint. Tha wound arizzle tha blade sizzles slightlizzle. Tha weapon—tha unusual material it’s mizzle out of—be poison ta English. He crizzies out 'n a crizzle, brizzle staccato spittin' that real shit. It’s an bustin' wail thizzay cleaves tha lizzast of tha Fizzle R'n apart. Reality fizzay awizzle frizzle tha dippin' of tha chillin' whizzle light like a peeled eggshell.

Dave’s try'n ta git his swizzord frizzay bizzy hizne’s stuck. English’s shriek mizzorphs into a sinista, predatory rizzle as hiznis jiznaw creaks open. His mouth envelizzles Dave’s heezee n snaps shut fo' real. He twists once, tizzy T-W-to-tha-izzice, thiznen again witta CRACK. A bitch of blizzle instizzle coats his sizzy n tizzy. Snoop dogg is in this bitch. He swallows tha disembody head whole witta triumphant gulp. Tha limp torso goes trippin' lazily 'n tha direction of tha black hole.

Davizzle be weed-smokin' someth'n indistinct. Or mizzle they’re jiznust clockin' at tha tizzay of they lizzy. That’s what yizzle fizneel like do'n right niznow, bizzy you can’t miznove. Yo' lizzimbs fizneel like L-to-tha-izzead. You consult yo' strife deck, but Y-to-tha-izzou’ve gots nuttin left. No hamma, no nuttin. It’s up to Davepizzle, whizno appears ta have plizzle left. If not 'n the strife D-to-tha-izzeck gangsta ze, thizzle 'n tha heart.

Dur'n tha beast’s grisly momizzle of gloat'n playa tha younga Strida’s D-to-tha-izzeath, Davepeta stizzle twizzle paces behind him, crizzles low ta tha grizzay, wiggles they behind, n pouncizzles. T-H-to-tha-izzey cl'n ta English’s back, wrap they lizzay around hizzay midriff, draw back they arms, n plunge they claws dizneep into tha behizzles armpits. Bounce wit me. They gloved hiznands end up knuckle-deep 'n tha upper serratus muscles on eitha side. Davepizzle tizzy spreads they w'n 'n an awe-inspir'n dizzle. An steppin' spectator messin' Lord English from tha F-R-to-tha-izzont might suspect tha garish orange-green w'n belonge' ta English himself. I started yo shit and i'll end yo' shit.

Davizzle thizzay, wit all their might, lifts Lizzy English into tha air n flizzies toward tha black hizzole, blunt-rollin' rizzles of blood and neon and my money on my mind. English resists fiercizzle, biznut they’re both already locked into tha gravity well, beyizzle anizzle thrizzle of escizzle. He cannot do anyth'n 'bout it, no fucka how much he screams n crizzay. This victory, dis finizzle sacrifice, hizzas always bizzay tha destizzle of Davepeta, as thizzey have senze' from tha moment thizzay wiznere crizzle. N ta die on dis dizzle, 'n this way, has alwizzles been tha destinizzle of Lord English.

Tha black hole—tha rhymin', implacizzle, cosmic embodizzle of tha D-to-tha-izzead chizzle, his long-departed sister—fizzle welcomes Lord Englizzle home.

English and Davizzle be sucked 'n witta subatomic whimpa. Tha reunion sizzends shock waves acrizzles tha pitiful remains of Paradizzle Spizzace keep'n it real yo. N then everyth'n be whollizzle, utterly, and categorically silent n shit. It’s crazy ass. They call me tha president. L-to-tha-izzord English be dead aww nah.

Bizzy it dizzay fizzeel ova, somehow. You dizzon’t feel lizzle you’ve won. You can barely feel mobbin', actizzle and yo momma. All you ciznan thizzay 'bout, fo` now, be...

Davepeta. Hizzay thizzle wizzle so unfizzle n brave. How thizney sacrificed themselves by stylin' right into tha blizzay hole like...

Like a fuck'n pizziece of garbage, you can almost hiznear Dizzay say'n. Ya fuck with us, we gots to fuck you up. May God rizzle his S-to-tha-izzoul. You'se a flea and I'm the big dogg.

You collapze against whateva be pass'n fo` tha floor at dis moment of utterly nizzay corpizzle conditions surround'n you. Yippie yo, you can't see my flow. It doesn’t fizneel possizzle. You’re not sure you can evizzle trust yo' perception well enough ta bizzle it. Slap your fuckin self. But it seems ta be ova. You’ve convinced yourself of thizzle truth well enough ta allizzle yoself to exhale. Enough ta allow yoself ta suddenly acknowledge tha agony cours'n thrizzle yo' body, emanat'n frizzle tha gizzold T-to-tha-izzooth lodge' 'n yo' chest. Enough ta allizzle yoself ta succizzle ta tha overwhelming urge ta sleep. Aint no killin' everybodys chillin'.

> Cloze yo' eyizzles.

> ==>

[podmusical]

The Ballad of GG Scrumptious, Part 1

Credits and Lyrics for Episode 7 of Days of Future Fuzz

starring:

“Narrator” - Jordan Gelber Golden George Scrumptious - Andrew Radford Butler

written by Jonathan A. Goldberg music by Matt roi Berger

recorded, mixed and edited by Marcus Bagala and Will Melones

NARRATOR

Oh hello there, what’s that?  You want a story?

Something real and true, but perhaps, too, allegory?

Oh well, let me see, let me see, let me have a drink

And think up a story worth your time - let me think-

Ah! I’ve got it, and it’s got it all!

A hero and prophecy, a warning, a fall

A promise, a history - hidden, but crucial

And a secret you’ll never guess - though maybe you will

I think you look smart, I mean, you came here to me

When you needed some fun - that’s as smart as can be.

So what do you say?  Let me lay out the scene

Let’s start at the beginning, the best place to begin:

Born beneath a lard-shaped star

The moon was in the House of Starch

(The house, by far, the fattest -

Like being born in a fry basket)

His mother labored in great pain

16 lbs, this fellow weighed

And his eyes shown like a grease stain

Skin glowed like a casserole fresh made

His mama named him Golden George

Papa Scumptious was overjoyed

Said “we’ll call him GG for short.”

He was in the kitchen by age two

Cooking breast milk cheese fondu

Had his mama spooked - but one taste she knew:

Her boy cooked naturally

Over time his talents grew

And his confidence grew too

Said he would shape the world of food,

Fast and Casually.

He sang:

GOLDEN GEORGE

My gifts know no restraints

Soon all the world will know my name

My gift to all shall be

An escape from drudgery

Via culinary artistry.

NARRATOR

So how do you like him? Guess he’s our hero

The boy with a wish and a gift… and an ego.

But this amico was on to somethin’ -

The world is bitter and cold and troublin’

But nothing’s so warm as something straight out the oven

And filling you up and giving you comfort

Adjusting your dials and pushing all your right buttons.

So why not toot his honker when he’s so much to offer?

Food and drink HEAL - and this boy was a doctor

But he needed more than a gift or a wish

He needed more than an ego - he needed a DISH.

GOLDEN GEORGE

It’s time to make my fortune

So let the world prepare

I’ll save their mouths from boredom

All other chefs beware!

I’ll keep the oil flowing

I’ll keep the oven hot

I’ll find the dish that shows them

What I’ve got!  Yeah!

Teryaki steak tips!

Buttered sweetbread fries

Cheese-laced onion blossom

Ranch on the side

Now, here’s my masterpiece! It’s

Piled high with 7 cheeses

What taste, what artistry

Baked Macaroni - I’m a genius!

NARRATOR

And though it sounds simple, and maybe you laugh

That macaroni pasta put GG on the map

That macaroni pasta was better than yours by half

His use of thousand island dressing WAS astounding

Over seven layers of cheeses, french AND italian

And one that might be Russian but ain’t NO body telling

Mm mm!

See, the recipe’s a secret, and GG’s smart to keep it

Cuz everyone wanted what that bastard was selling

The momentum of this dish on every wish list

Was enough to propel him to the highest echelon

Of chef’s and give him what they all were eyeing:

FRANCHISING!

But as GG sat in his kitchen, in Centralia New Jersey

Sizing up contracts, showered in glory

He felt a worry, an itch left un scratched

He was lost in the dark, lost his spark, all seemed black.

Something ached in his twice baked heart

Tho his macaroni was a work of art

All that work felt artless heartless

See, at the top, the drop’s all you got left

Now, his hostess was a beauty queen

Named Melanie Marie Manzine

Triple M saw GG’s depression

And so she pulled him near to tell him:

TRIPLE M

“I watched you build this place -

The joy that played across your face.

Why not give everyone

A taste thereof

Fill your menu with that joy and fun.”

GOLDEN GEORGE

Fun?  Yeah,

NARRATOR

thought GG,

GOLDEN GEORGE

that’s the one!

The ingredient I had, but since had shunned

I’ve been so high on my own hot air

I’ve lost the fun that got me there.

Food should always be fun!

It’s entertainment for tongues!

That was obvious once

But I was blind I was dumb

As to what I’d become!

Goodbye to former pursuits!

Better to give and include!

Without further ado, I present you

A place where the food can always lighten the mood

The all new GG Scrumptious, where fun is always on the menu!

NARRATOR

Well, you can guess what happened next

Oh, you can’t?  Well here it is:

GG rethought the plot of his vocation

He let go of the top and focused on elation

The silly joy and fun of stuffing your face and

Drinking your weight in

Milkshakes and

When his restaurant reopened after a short renovation

It was a success!  He was met with adulation,

And opened up franchises in 7000 plus locations!

GOLDEN GEORGE

GG Scrumptious, where fun is always on the menu!

NARRATOR

And he married his muse! Yes he truly fell for

That clever, wild woman who’d been running the door.

Triple M and double G had their lives intertwined

By a wild west rabbi named Tex Rubenstein

Beneath a papermache macaroni

In the most beautiful mixed-denominational ceremony

GOLDEN GEORGE

Finally everything is right

I love my work, I love my wife

This is more than I ever could have hoped for

TRIPLE M

[Crying]

GOLDEN GEORGE

What’s this?  My love, why do you cry?

Tell me and I will make it right!

There is no worry we’ve in sight

TRIPLE M

“GG, I’m pregnant!”

NARRATOR

What?  You don’t feel the tension?

Yes of course a child’s a blessing

It’s just - oh, I get the impression

You’re missing a key component to our hero’s depression.

So, for a second let’s leave the present.  

It’s time for a little history lesson…

Long ago when the world was young

When the restaurant game had not yet begun

Casual eateries didn’t exist

And the only fast food was that you couldn’t catch

If early man sought something good to eat (yeah!)

He’d best fall down on his knees and pray to the gods of drink and feast.

It was the perfect way,

And would still be today, but…

A lesser god of feast was this gal Edesia

Ha - your face betrays you never heard the name.

You missed nothing if you never met her

Though she thought she was an up and comer in game

She made a plan to be

The greatest god of food and drink in history

She’d show humans the holy ways

And thus secure their love and praise

Till the end of days

Well she didn’t wait more than a thousand years

When a man hit bottom and her chance appeared

A failing chef named Ray of the Romulus line

Stumbled in and begged at the foot of her shrine

He wanted fame and a chance to succeed

He was a fine mix of talent and greed

She saw her play

And she didn’t delay

Gave him a vision:

Her, descending on the gravy rain.

The salty brown drops

Washed his pain away

And she offered him the deal

That saw the world changed

In her vision, she said to him:

EDESIA

“Oh Ray unknown, how your talent and your pallet go to waste

As well you know, Gods tip the balance, and in their talons grip your fate

In this market how can you make

Your name known?  Oh no!

But I’ve a deal that, if you should take,

Your fame will grow, and grow, and grow!

I see your wonder, see the hunger in your eyes

With my secrets you’ll stun ‘em be their culinary prize

All that I charge of you

Is never have a child - your praise alone is mine

Yes, no children shall you bear

Though many will you claim as hairs in time

Yes the king of food for all your days

The people will taste and they will praise

O’er all you’ll reign, you’ll not be done

You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays

You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays

You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays

And only set when the Rays have son.”

NARRATOR

You’ll rise so long as the sun has rays

And only set when the Rays have son.

Well Ray thought that sounded mighty fair -

A heavenly answer to his despair.

He bowed in praise, swore his faith blindly

Which, for gods, is legally binding

Ran down to town to his deep fried peacock eye food cart

In an hour he’d sold out, he was the talk of the town, his food a work of art!

And it grew and it grew and it grew and it grew

And Ray learned the secret that the Gods all knew

And he used them to create a new empire

Food that’s fun served fast, with cheer

Paired with a casual atmosphere

Fills all with food, yes, true, but too - delight!

People could not get enough

They came to get their faces stuffed

How nice! … for Ray…

The gods of food and drink were forgot

Edesia too, it seems her plot

Backfired.

And Ray looked down over all he commanded

By his death, to 1042 locations had he expanded

And as the ages changed, so did Ray’s descendants menus

As they took the empire to new, exciting venues

The Visigoth Grill, Crusader’s Crudo

Pita the Great, Dynasty Noodles

The Original Scythian Style Pub

Bennigans, Arby’s and Stubbie’s Subs

Mongol Flay It Yourself Easy Horse

And on and on til present day, of course.

And the most powerful chain on down that line

Was the Ray’s Pizza Franchise

Featuring Real Ray’s, Original Ray’s, Real Original Ray’s

Famous Ray’s, Infamous Ray’s and Ray’s of other Names

From the first Ray’s cart, this chain had continued

And you could still order peacock eyes off the secret menu.

And they ruled all the franchises with an iron fist

Ah - but how did Ray’s have heirs, if Ray’s never did have kids…?

Listen to this:

Oh it was all part of Edesia’s promise

Which was so poorly thought out it was almost comic

The contract was written up by the best lawyer of the time

Marcus Legislatus, and the print was very fine

As his wife had written it all by hand

And Marcus had married the most beautiful cricket in all the land!

But we don’t have time for that part!

What matters is the deal at this vile contract’s heart:

The Ray to Play Stipulation…

…which stated

That any chain restaurant whose owner mated

Forfeited their first born child to the Rays

Or they handed in their restaurants - either way, they all paid.

And the chains turned over became the Ray’s

And the children turned over - well, the Ray’s they became

Many chains tried to avoid this doom:

Ray Kroc hid his son in a Grimace costume

Papa John put Baby John in a basket of reeds

Dave Thomas sent Wendy to live in a tree

But each was found out, and each child was claimed

And through old, evil magic, was changed to a Ray…

Mama chef, papa chef, RUN! Hide your child away.

Look how the Rays come, on the 5th birthday of,

Oh!, what you most love, they’re gonna take away, and,

Oh!, what you most love -They’re gonna make a Ray.

They’ll file in, eat up all that you’ve got

And you must feed them your best - whether you wanna or not.

Then when they’re done - oh! - that’s when you give ‘em either

The first child of your blood, or all of your franchises

All that you’ve built, oh!, is it worth the pain

Worth all the guilt - oh - to see your child a Ray?

Many parents chose of course their child to keep

But many a chef was overcome with greed

And that’s how the Rays stayed on top of the game

And that about brings us up to date.

So now you may be keen

To the fear that chilled GG

When Mel

Said that she was with son…

All he’d made, all he’d created

Was to crumble lest he gave their

Son…

What was to be done…

GOLDEN GEORGE

My dear please dry your tears

You’ve nought to fear for our son’s life…

Let the Rays take all I’ve made,

I promise I won’t contemplate

The trade of child for franchise…

NARRATOR

Well, Triple M was overjoyed

But you and me, we know our boy

GG’s not the sort

To sell himself short

He doesn’t give - he takes!

And he’d fight, he might even tempt fate…

Sure he’d changed his ways,

But to give up everything he’d made?? it-

Was a thought that repulsed him, everything he hated.

Well GG Jr came short months later

And his parents love - well, it couldn’t have been greater

And though GG’d been conflicted on what was to be done.

He’d greatly underestimated how much he’d love his son.

GOLDEN GEORGE

Feel how his smile calms me

See how his hands are strong

He’ll be flipping frying pans before too long!

God, he’s such a nat’ral!

See him with that spatula!

One day all that I’ve made will be… no…

NARRATOR

Yes…

And two weeks before lil G turned 5

A letter came in the mail, said “It’s Time.

We march your way in 14 days.

Prepare our feast.  Signed, the Rays.”

Outside there was a storm, but there was a knock at the door

GG turned and saw dripping on his floor

A chef, clad all in mauve

How’d the man get inside?  GG worried this was bad

But the chef simply smiled and acted as if he had

All the answers in the world.  And GG eased, suddenly calm.

He offered the Mauve Chef a drink, but then the chef dropped a bomb:

He looked GG in the eye

And the Mauve Chef said:

MAUVE CHEF

“I can save your son

Save all that you’ve done

But you must be brave,

No matter the pain

And do as I say.”

To be continued…

[so-very-small]

Slides th heck in w a question cuz idk what else to do rn uH so i know you like t ramble abt ur ocs any good tol-meeting-smol fearplay situations w your ocs you might wanna talk abt? (P.S. its th same stressed smol anon from earlier today, the fluffs helped i giv many thank)

fhgkfd i wrote way too much so ima put it under a read more (also when u said i could ramble i RAMBLED u gave me too much power anon. thank u)

OKAY HERE WE GO. i adore fearplay and 99.9% of my g/t ocs meeting start with it, and the top ones in term of it would probs be Jane/Eeo. (mostly because they fit the casual description of fearplay the best - a lot of my others tend to have more build up or ~nuanced~ forms of terror lmao; but Eeo and Jane are clasic ‘tol scares smol accidentally’ y’kno. other conteders are Azriah/Lance and Lottie/Donovan and Ro/Pen and Orville/Reese BUT ANYWAYS I’ll just shut up and tell ya abt Jane and Eeo)

their story takes place in a post apocalyptic world, only inhabited by mechas, monsters, and Endgames. in said war, there was a lot of biological testing done on humans until things called ‘Endgames’ were made by a certain government. it was more or less a normal person that was grown to a massive height, mentally conditioned to turn into a devastating weapon upon hearing a certain string of words. without said words, they’re just normal people. the war tore the world to shreds, and all normal humans abandoned the planet, hence it being entirely empty save for a few colossal beings.

Eeo is one of the Endgames. unlike some others, his kill-code was never used, so he’s basically a normal person but big. he lives in a warehouse, near a city, and spends his time doing whatever. he was far too big to get on any of the escape ships, and no one wanted an endgame about anyway, so he’s more or less been utterly isolated for the past few years

and then one day Jane wakes up. she finds herself in a hospital, IV’s in her arms and half dead. all the machines about her quiet. from the nearest file she can nab, she finds she’s a Jane Doe, coma patient, hasn’t awoken in 5 years. and upon further reflectment, she finds she doesn’t remember a goddamn thing. she steps out her room to find that the hospital’s empty, overrun with small critters and vines. half the rooms are destroyed, the other half given in to nature. of course, an overwhelming sense of panic gets all up in her and she takes her search to every floor of the hospital, before finding her way out.

scattered cars, empty streets, not a light in sight. it’s empty.

Eeo lives near this city, and despite being too big to really do anything. it’s interesting almost in the way playing with figurines or the like is interesting, and it gives him something to. he’s used to hearing car alarms popping off, buildings gradually crumbling, animals calling to one another. what he isn’t used to is hearing a raw voice half-begging for anyone to hear her. it’s been years since Eeo’s heard another soul, so he doesn’t hesitate to burst in the direction of the voice

Jane’s search for fellow humanity grows more frantic as she gradually realizes that apparently some kind of cataclysmic event happened that skipped right on over her. and its only when she hears a heavy, rythmic thud in the distance, a gradual shadow falling over her, does she realize that hey, maybe yelling  beacon to her location is a bad idea.

so it’s pretty safe to say that when the entirely alone, lost, confused Jane locks eyes with the terribly lonely, excited to see another person for the first time in five years, Eeo, she’s half terrified. as far as she knows he could be the reason why everyone’s gone, so she takes no time in rushing to get away from him

cue a chase through the ruins of a lost city. on some level Eeo knows that hey, this is probably a bad idea, she could be scared, but at the same time he’s spent so much time alone that he can’t let another chance at a real connection slip by. Jane’s running on adrenaline that does not last quite long, and despite her somewhat impressive attempts at evading him, she does wind up getting caught.

they kinda get lost in one another for a bit, Jane sitting in Eeo’s palm, both staring at one another, neither positive what’s gonna happen next

and that is one of my fave oc g/t meetings >:3c

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

It’s been a wild few weeks but surprise! I am back and I am still watching two dudes beat up ghosts and look pretty. It’s Supernatural! 

Alright so here I am on the penultimate disc (thanks Lemony Snicket) of season 2 and at this point in the series we should be ramping up for the season finale. If you look back at this point in season 1, that meant putting the Winchesters under heavy fire (with the one funny episode), but this season it feels like they’re more interested in philosophical, emotional ramping than action ramping (with one funny episode). 

So many FEELINGS!

And you know what? I gotta hand it to Kripke and Co., cuz they figured out what worked in season 1 (brothers and feelings) and they leaned into it this season (brothers + feelings = 15 seasons). It’s a little hit and miss, but the core of season 2 is all about the line between Monsters and Men. I say hit and miss because we have spent a LOT of time on Dean this season but these episodes are all about Sam. And Dean’s arc is very different from Sam’s. Dean’s emotional arc is all about how he’s done with hunting, he’s done with sacrificing, which is WILD if you think about how early in the series this is. And yeah, it does, it does tie in to Sam’s troubles but it just doesn’t feel as clean as it could. Maybe it’s just because they spend much more time on Dean’s feelings? Maybe it’s cuz I personally pay more attention to Dean that I feel this way? But also, consider: the ep where Sam seemingly goes off the rails is all about Dean’s internal struggle with whether or not he can waste his own brother, even if his brother is evil now. We don’t ever see the fallout from Sam’s point of view. Sam was possessed at the time, he didn’t really go darkside, but also, Sam was possessed at the time??? And we don’t see any emotional fallout from that?!?!?

Nah, we’ll just end on this cringy joke about a girl being all up in Sam for a week and deflect away from our problems, nbd.

Kripke has mentioned in interviews that he thought the mythos of this season was muddled and that the psychic children plotline doesn’t really land because we never see Sam struggle with whether he’s good or not. At this point in the season, I definitely agree. They do give dialogue to Sam to remind viewers that he’s struggling with who he is, but they don’t devote enough screen time to it to make it feel like it lands. Dean’s struggle to keep Sam alive hits a lot heavier, but that may have more to do with that face and that g- d- lip quiver. 

Damn you and that lip quiver Jensen Ackles. Oh wait, this show already did!

Now we’re gonna make an abrupt turn into Sam’s emotional arc for the series. See, for the next few episodes we’re gonna follow a bunch of Monsters, right? By surface level definition, they are all text book Monsters, but they aren’t Villains, and that’s a big distinction. Because a lot of these characters are fundamentally good people, but they’re also the thing that the Winchesters have sworn their lives to hunt, so, like...how do we deal with that? 

First up we have “Roadkill”, which I like as a deviation from the regular format. There’s a lot of this tinkering going around this season, or at least, those are the episodes that stand out the most to me. I of course love Tricia Helfer (as a sort-of-but-not-really Battlestar Galactica Fan). This episode straight up brings us back to that key question this season: Are All Monsters Evil? Sam consistently draws a pretty clear distinction between Monster and Bad Guy, Dean consistently does not. Sam makes it clear that he has to believe there’s a line because if #YesAllMonsters are evil, and Sam’s abilities/destiny make him kind of a Monster, the logic follows that he’ll become evil too, or perhaps already is. 

In this ep we see Helfer as Molly, a woman who slowly comes to realize that she is a ghost who has been haunting the same stretch of road once a year for twelve years. I think Helfer totally crushes it. I think Molly as a character is hella interesting. She comes across as a pretty realized person rather than just a caricature. There’s a lot of heart in her and I appreciate that she handles The Truth pretty well, both when Sam and Dean tell her about the hauntings and then later when they reveal that she has been dead for over a decade. She asks good questions, like where DO those ghosts go once they’ve been busted? And she represents our philosophical conundrum - she’s a ghost that they have to bust, but she’s not evil. She’s not even really that bad. She’s just stuck here and can’t figure out how to move on. By the logic of the show, if she sticks around for too much longer she’ll start to get corrupted, but for now she’s just a scared, lost, woman trying to find her husband. She even starts to sympathize with the actual bad guy of the episode, a man she vehicular-manslaughtered but who comes back every year to torture her. 

And in the end, she finds peace! This is the second ghost this season that they actually lay to rest, not just defeat, and it’s nice. I think it’s nice. 

Is it odd that, for an episode that should hit so close to Sam’s internal struggle, the whole story is told from Molly’s POV? Again, I loved it, I love seeing the Winchesters from an external point of view, but it is...interesting...

Then we get “Heart”, which just digs deeper into the themes we got in “Roadkill.” 

This time, our Extra of the Week is another unwitting Monster. Emmanuelle Vaugier plays Madison, a kind of kickass lady who is really getting her shit together. She’s dumped her bad boyfriend, she’s killin’ it at work (lol), she’s out with friends, she’s a homeowner - this chick is LEGIT. And damn if she doesn’t know what she wants. Almost from the minute that Sam steps into her house she is into him, like, into him. She knows exactly what she’s doing when she dumps that basket of panties in front of him to “fold” them. Their chemistry together is good and honestly I was pretty thrilled for both of them when they got down to business. 

Good for you, you crazy kids! Good for you! 

But tragically, Madison is also werewolf. She’s completely oblivious to the fact that she is definitely murdering people on the full moon. When Sam finds out, and then finds out that Madison is not only unable to control her transformations or murders, but also unaware of what’s happening entirely, it’s another blatantly obvious metaphor for what Sam is dealing with - do supernatural powers make me a monster? Does being a monster make me evil? Does it count as evil if I’m not in control of my actions? And I love that this forces Dean to re-evaluate his stance as well. Cuz see Dean (and I love the guy) views things in very black and white terms, rarely asks questions and is 100% ready to kill this girl because she’s a Monster, full stop. Sam throws this back in his face with the line “So me you won’t kill me, but her you’re just gonna blow away?”, reminding us that Dean’s attitude is pretty damn hypocritical. And I say all of this as a Dean stan who loves watching that lip quiver, but also I am much more in agreement with Sam’s line of thinking on this - we can make a distinction between Monster and Evil in this show. I think ultimately, Dean starts to do this too, but just not in this episode. 

To their credit, they do try to save Madison, but failing that, they realize that Madison can’t be saved and so she’ll have to be put down - they can’t save her, so they have to kill her, if you will. It’s a surprisingly emotional climax and got pretty heavy at the end when Sam - who’s trying to figure out if he is worth saving - has to...what do we want to call this, a mercy killing? An execution? I don’t know, it’s mostly just a hell of a gut punch. A well done gut punch, but a gut punch nonetheless. 

The first lady that Sam bones since his fiancé and then you’re just like, and now you KILL her! Damn, show, what is WRONG with you?!?

I have to point out that we end the episode on Dean’s face. Like, I’m not mad about it, I am thrilled that on the list of Things That Work, Kripke and Co. were like, oh yeah, gotta put in as much Sad Dean Face as possible, but also, this was Sam’s episode? So shouldn’t we...get one final shot...of Sam? Like, I’m not crazy, right? They’re really pushing Dean this season, right? Who is this season supposed to be about?!?!?!

This is it! This is the last shot of the episode! This Sam-Centric Episode!

And then after all that heaviness and spiritual questioning, we get our Funny Episode. Meta Episode? Doesn’t matter. 

“Hollywood Babylon” is A+ Great and I love it. I love watching shows about shows, it is my jam. Watching this time, I did wish they’d thrown in more niche? Like, I just felt like the inside jokes could have been more inside, but also, Dean was SO happy in this episode, I didn’t even care. We so rarely see anyone in this show be happy, it’s nice that they get a break sometimes. It’s also weird that Sam seemed to get the most break? As in, he was getting a break from this episode entirely, especially since the last episode was a pretty heavy emotional arc for him? It’s a weird choice, but not something I really noticed because I was distracted by Dean working his way up from PA to Grip in like, a day, and I was just so proud of him. Anyway it was nice. It was NICE!

He’s doing SUCH a good job!

In this episode, our super special Extra of the Week is another lady, the fictional actress Tara Benchley played by Elizabeth Whitmere. I should probably stop using the term extra, by SAG/AFTRA standards she’s (probably?) a Guest Star, but honestly aren’t they all background extras in the lives of the Winchesters? Anyway, I appreciate how they portray Tara. They could very easily have written her to be a real piece of work. She could have been a whiney diva, she could have been a ditz, she could have been any number of Actress Tropes, but she seems pretty even-keeled. She has a certain amount of clout on set, she is friendly with the crew, she’s given a character trait that’s shared by real life actor Jensen Ackles - they really do treat her with a surprising amount of respect for an episode that goes real hard on producers and studios and horror generally. And she doesn’t die! So that’s a plus! But she does sleep with Dean which is...I mean...also a plus? I don’t know. I love Dean but I sometimes wonder how much sex he’s actually had? Like, if you told me it was 75% exaggeration, I’d believe you. Unimportant side head cannon. 

And then our final episode on this disc, “Folsom Prison Blues”. About time those boys went to jail, honestly. 

What can I say? The boy looks good in a coverall.

We get the return of Henricksen in this episode which is fun! We get a pretty kickass public defender, Mara White (Bridget Ann White), who is also fun! And we get Prison Dean, which is maybe the funnest. 

I like the twist with the prison warden - where you think that he’s going to be all aggro and corrupt and it turns out that he’s actually, like...looking out for his charges? In a...In a nice way? I guess? He wants the ghost to stop killing the people in his prison is the only fact that we get in the script, but it leads me to believe that he takes his job seriously and he wants second chances and better lives for all the cons in the yard and that makes me happy. He is also another in a long line of father figures that would have done a better job raising Sam and Dean, but that’s not important. And yeah, some of the cons are probably in here for good reason, but Lucas seems real nice and Tiny literally has a conversation with Dean where he explains that he’s basically just a product of bad parenting + Low Self Esteem, so on a low key level this episode is saying the same thing - just because these prisoners are technically “monsters”, does it mean that they have to die? Does that make the killings in this prison right? Everyone from Dean to the Warden seems to think not. Side note, that story from Tiny sounds eerily like Dean’s own life experiences, so he should probably have paid more attention to it but I guess he was busy getting cardiac arrest from a ghost so whatever. 

If this story wasn’t just RIGHT on the nose. 

Cuz that’s right, we have a psycho lady vigilante ghost! She does not believe in second chances and is killing cons from beyond the grave with her heart attack powers. And if we look at the low key metaphor tie in that the episode might be trying to make here, then you could argue that the show is coming down pretty hard on this one - just because you’re a Bad Guy doesn’t mean you’re a bad guy! Stop shooting first and asking questions later Dean!

It’s not your fault, bb, you were raised by a dumbass. 

And all of this buildup leads to...”What is and What Should Never Be”, possibly one of my fav episodes for Reasons, but guys it’s another SUPER heavy Dean episode, you could even say that Sam, the real Sam, isn’t even in, like 75 - 80% of it before we...get...to...Sam’s season finale? You know what, that’s next week’s problem. 

As much as I’m enjoying the stand alone episodes for this season especially, the mythos/arcs here are kind of a mess. I think the 20 ep seasons are instrumental to why audiences love the show, so I don’t want to take episodes away, but I do feel that a shorter season could have streamlined this season arc better. With fewer episodes, you have to focus your story so much more and sharpen your storytelling that Dean’s Arc and Sam’s Arc would probably feel more connected if they tried telling it in 8 - 12 episodes instead of 22. But then we wouldn’t have gotten the show that lasted 15 seasons, so would the trade off be worth it? Maybe some day we’ll find the alternate universe where Kripke waited 15 years to bring his series to Netflix and we got 5 short seasons of something completely different

[whateverisbeautiful]

Reveling in Richonne

#96: The “Somebody Important to You” (7x16)

So in one half-season we saw both what Michonne would look like if she lost Rick and what Rick would look like if he lost Michonne. 😥

Now TWD, imma need this to be a sign that we are never going to have to actually see them lose each other and that's why we saw these reactions since we'll never have to see them again, okay? 😬 (Lol, a girl can dream.)

But for real this whole scene was gut wrenching. 

Negan has Carl kneeling and Jadis has brought Rick over to kneel right next to him. Here is our main character and his son surrounded by a psycho and his men, in the same physical position they were in at the start of the season. It's a horrible predicament to say the least.

It's interesting cuz, no joke, before I even knew about the deleted scene I was like dang I wish we could have seen Carl and Rick talk earlier in this episode just to see where they were at or what their thought process on all this had been before the fight broke loose.

Now knowing about the interaction in the deleted scene this moment becomes even more devastating. Cuz Carl was low key ready for this. 😭

And as Negan does his signature thing of speaking every thought that comes to his mind, Carl's savage side make him bold enough to tell Negan just how he feels. 

I for one was here for it cuz Carl is so through with Negan and I respect that even in this vulnerable position he's not afraid to let Negan know he doesn’t faze him. And I just appreciate that Carl’s not giving up all hope yet. 👏🏽 

(Side note: It’s cute the way Rick looks up at Negan and then at Carl like he’s taking in how his son is one fearless kid)

So Negan tells Carl it's over and to look out and see just how much they have lost this fight. And as Rick and Carl look around they see, in real time, them "lose" their invaluable family member as they believe they've just seen and heard Michonne fall from a balcony.

And y’all, this is how you know you're a good actor. When the whole audience can know for certain that the woman who fell was not Michonne and yet when we see your reaction we get emotional and allow ourselves to at least imagine that it could've been her just because of the expression on your face. The man is a revelation I tell you. 🙌🏾💯

Rick’s reaction was so heartbreaking to watch. The fact that Rick physically folds when he thinks he's just seen Michonne fall. 😥 It’s almost like he was falling with her.

Just the sincere pain in that look. Like in one fall he just lost his source of everything. Throughout these posts I've described Michonne as being Rick's source of strength, peace, stability, positivity, security, and sanity. And he just lost all of that. 😥

It’s also interesting how much this moment parallels the moment in “Say Yes”. Like both fell from a high up place and just like Michonne in 7x12, you see the fight briefly leave Rick’s body.

The fact that Rick’s reaction is so telling that even Negan could tell he just lost somebody really important to him. It’s too much. 😭

We all know how Rick looks at Michonne different than anyone else and so of course Negan could tell from Rick's look that whoever just fell is someone that Rick deeply cares about.

I feel like for Negan to notice and verbally address how Rick’s reaction was clearly in regards to someone special is such a confirmation that R&M’s love is extremely deep and visible, even to outsiders.

Again it makes me wonder how much Negan has put together about just the idea that Rick might have a significant other. Like by phrasing it that way did he think it was a woman Rick has a relationship with or just some important friend? Idk. All I know is Negan saying Rick just lost “somebody important to you” is an understatement lol.

Carl's reaction is sad too cuz he just doesn't want it to be real. Like as fearless as Carl is, you see him lose some of that fight too.

I think about how drawn to Michonne Carl was when he was young and how she really did become his closest friend and now he thinks he's lost the person who seemed to get him most of all.

I feel like to have this moment where Rick and Carl see her fall really cements how much she is their matriarch. Like it felt like they were watching an immediate family member fall. 

She was the one speaking life into them earlier that day and now they think they've seen her life be taken so it's like their hope has been taken as well.

And it's interesting that despite everything else going on, it's this moment of thinking they've lost her that seems to be when Rick and Carl both really feel dejected and it hits them just how bleak things might be. 

Rick and Carl have been through so much with Michonne right by their side and she's a huge reason why they're even alive. She's become such a central piece to their family and she also means so much to Rick and Carl individually, so you can visibly see how losing her has devastated them and made the situation that much more dire to them. 

It’s interesting cuz you can tell Negan is not Rick’s initial focus after the fall. 

Like Negan is all in his face, taunting him, and you can see that his words aren't even registering at first, as Rick is preoccupied with trying to even wrap his mind around the fact that his wife might have just been killed.

That’s how you know what R&M have is powerful stuff cuz even Negan being in his face isn’t enough to pull him out of this shaken state at first.

And then as Rick's forced to focus back on Negan you can see him also mustering the strength to be in that moment rather than freeze like he'd want to.

Like think about if Alexandria were to lose Rick, they would probably feel pretty disoriented and lost and hopeless cuz they lost their leader. Rick feels all of these things because he thinks he's just lost his own leader.

I think Rick's talk with Michonne in 7x12 really has a role in this moment. Cuz I think he absolutely felt the same light turn off for him as it did for her. Like you can see him briefly be just as dazed and lost as she was.

But because of their van talk he was reminded to put his words into action and try and make it “not about us anymore”.

You can just tell that this was not the route he imagined things going. Again, I really think when he told Michonne “I can lose you”, he meant it as in “We can both not make it or I could not make it.” But a scenario where she goes and he doesn't? He doesn’t look like he was ready for that.

And then the tear. 😥 I cannot with the tear, y'all. 

Like Rick thinks he's just lost the love of his life and now Negan is all blabbing in his face and you see those tears welling in his eye and then, as Negan says what he plans to do next, that single tear falls and I'm telling you I cannot. 😭😭 

This is really the face of a man who thinks he’s about to lose everything he holds dear and the two people who have the hugest parts of his heart (apart from Judith) in a matter of minutes.😥

So already looking like a shell of who he was, something triggers in him and he's able to tap into the emergency bank of strength he needs to let Negan know he's still got the wrong one. 👏🏽

Like you can visibly see the shift when Rick becomes hardened and it’s like you get a glimpse of the empty bloodthirsty person he’d become if he had lost Carl and Michonne in this moment.

It was interesting that Rick says, “You can do it right in front of me”, Which I assume meant kill Carl? And at first I was like...

But then I realized as far as Rick knows this is it. He literally can't do anything to stop Negan from taking Carl in this moment and so to him it’s inevitable that he's about to lose his son rn. And I think he says this line for two reasons. 

One; to not give Negan the satisfaction of begging cuz he knows how that goes from the last time Negan had him kneeling. If he begged and pleaded and wept it would all be in vain cuz nothing was going to change Negan’s mind. But there’s also another element to this that I thought about.

Two; If this is going to be that last thing Carl sees I think Rick knows Carl wouldn’t want his final moment to be watching his dad fall apart and beg and plead. 

Like Carl has always been this little G that sometimes wanted his dad to be more of a G like him. Even in this moment Carl is quite composed and I think he would prefer seeing his dad dishing out some signature OG Rick Grimes one last time than to see him just be broken down and begging to stop something he couldn’t stop.

And if Rick can't stop it from happening then he at least wants Negan to know that once he goes through with this, Negan's fate is even more sealed than before. Like it becomes signed, sealed and delivered that Rick will kill Negan cuz he has less to lose now. And Homeboy has a great track record of keeping his promises. 

Losing Michonne and Carl are what would kill Rick more so than actually literally killing him and so if Rick's a dead man walking he'll just commit his life to making sure Negan doesn't live another day.

I think once again that use of “can” made Rick’s line about Carl sound different than it’s intention. Cuz Rick is so obviosuly not saying “Go ahead. You can do it and I’ll be fine.” He’s just acknowledging that Negan is going to do this right in front of him. Like it’s going to happen. And because Negan literally can do it right in front of him since nothing is stopping him, Rick wants it to be clear, not that Negan has permission to do it, but that the minute he does it Rick will make personally sure he’s the one to cut Negan’s life short.

Rick's whole speech to Negan and telling him nothing is going to stop him cuz “You’re all already dead” was so perfectly delivered. 👏🏽 You just felt the intensity, seriousness, and certainty of his words.

It's literally painful as you see Carl try and stay strong as he just waits for the hit and seeing Rick brace for the fact that he's seconds away from losing his son, the one who has been driving him since day one. 

And then, just when all seems lost, you know how that common popular old saying goes; “Saved by the tiger.” Hallelu! 👏🏽😋

[beekneebabey]

TAZ Commitment: Ep1

Y'all I am so READY

–First, this theme song is so perfect and so superhero-y Griffin you fucking crushed

–Please let Clint be my internet father

–I’m crying Griffin please don’t be hurt by your own backseat DM-ing

–“If the driver of the car is some sort of baby…” GRIFFIN

–Stop making FUN of your DAD he worked HARD on this map

–“I do a murder” I hate Griffin oh my god

–Immediately I’m thinking of 26000 ways Griffin can use the “allergic to peanuts” aspect

–“That’s not really an aspect, that’s just a fact”

–Nice let’s start out by getting shit-faced

–Hey in all seriousness it’s still SO clear Clint has put a lot of work into this campaign and I hope the boys stop teasing him enough to let him make this something cool

–I am very bad at recognizing what stuff looks like just from hearing it but I’m glad to have spent 78 years of my life hearing about this party room

–Hey what an awful fucking table just three new guys and their bosses?

–Nadiya is requesting a song I’m shaking with anticipation

–STOP it’s so CUTE

–Hey fuck I really love Irenes voice Justin are you even capable of letting me down

–“No” Travis I’m begging you if you love me at all give Nadiya a real character voice god please

–I’m crying at Remy and Irene God I am immediately obsessed

–Hey I’m weeping I love Justin thank god I need character voices ASAP

–“They call ‘em sliders, there’s a name for 'em”

–T R A V I S. Nadiya… she’s so much i want to like her but oh gosh I miss Magnus

–I really do like Remy, though, like Griffin has made me laugh out loud multiple times already

–I’m maybe thinking of listening to the first episode of Here There Be Gerblins so I can remember that the THB didn’t immediately own my ass. I’m determined to like these heroes who don’t like each other.

–“Ten is my favorite” Hey I love Irene

–“Hath? When was this… okay…” I fucking lost it

–I can’t believe Clint almost made them read those rules I’m dying

–“With my… adult… hand….” GOD

–Remy has at least 1 fidget spinner, is that an aspect

–The Remy v Nadiya debate will eventually kill me

–“Oh, see I was gonna say cult” I’m back with Nadiya

–Hey how many favorite characters can I love at once because I’m on Team Irene for life

–Remy just wanting to do well on the test is the cutest thing and I love Springheel

–Hey Gray you’re the worst

–For real for real how do they come up with these dope fucking names

–Time for THE TEST

–I ♡ Joe

–Tattoo “God I’ll crush a fucking egg spoon race” on my face

–Lowkey it was very weird when Griffin said “I guess I’m just your best friend now”

–“Time’s a flat circle; see you later”

THE TEST:

–I am HYPE for this puzzle

–If I have to remember all these names? I’ll Die

–My boy Trav coming in hot with a -1

–My boy Griff coming in hot with a 0 jfc

–“I shoot it at her beach– I mean, I shoot it at her west palm… her left palm?” G R I F F I N

–Heck yeah that’s a 3 I’m so gladddddd Justin is the only one who can roll

–I’m sorry did Clint McElroy just say ��Great googa-mooga?”

–Flannigan is a girl and she’s also my wife that’s the tea babes

–I spit out my tea when Clint said “fucker” I cannot abide by this

–Nadiya doesn’t like Remy but he still made sure Irene was watching out

–Oh my GOD Nadiya what a badass speech

–I’m obsessed with the concept of Nadiya being a huge Katrina and the Waves fan

–Justin’s quiet “hell yeah” at Clint’s character voice is the biggest mood of my day, how about yours?

–Hey I love the contents of Remy’s wallet

–Flannigan is a girl and Abbey is a boy and honestly I love Clint’s naming process how does he do it

–YES they did it

–Hey Irene is SO good Irene is my WIFE

–Wait, WHAT CLINT YOU CAN’T AUGMENT MY KIDS

–Taako had his umbra-staff, Magnus had his goldfish, Merle has his Xtreme Teen Bible, Remy has his sliders….

–”I… think I’m good on skin.” Griffin you are just coming in Hot with these one-liners, huh?

–YO they have to be together in order to have powers Clint you are so so smart

–Is “Is that mandatory” the new catchphrase cuz I’m down

–”We are about to make you Gods” is the coolest shit but also does not do much to imply this is not a cult lmao

I hate listening to this biweekly I’m so annoyed fucking see y’all in November I guess I’m so excited and I love my troubled kids