#no but I literally have them do this once they fully lean into their depravity ajsludh

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

Nocturnal epilogue Elimetri, is that you???

I huave an idea guys

[senka-mesecine]

Barnes being into public sex has been discussed but honestly? I could see Elias being into it too, just for different reasons. Rather than a dominance thing, for him 1. He’s probably high and 2. Sharing is caring and he wants people to see how badly he wants you! It would probably happen a lot more naturally than Barnes and rather than it being a full on show he’s probably eating you out in a corner of the underworld and a few people might watch (Chris we see you over there you closeted disaster)

-

Yeah, Elias is a bit of a hippie at heart, lets be honest.

Meaning that his view of these things in general leans into very communal territories. He gets high in his swaying hammock, listens to music, lounges around in it shirtless surrounded by other equally buzzed out, relaxed dudes and yeah, maybe he makes out with his girl if things go that route (...or with his guy?) in some dark, cozy corner and said making out develops into full on foreplay and sex, sure. It's as simple as that for him. He's the literal definition of 'free love' and 'make love, not war'. The sign of the times, genuinely speaking. It's the late 60's, after all! It's not that he's shameless or even some kind of weird, perverted exhibitionist in the classical sense as much as he might merely think love and sex in general are as natural as can be and to hide either of them and act like both notions are something illicit, shocking or shameful is having things all needlessly mixed up. He has a full on philosophy surrounding these things and it's a philosophy he actually lives by; feeling good is good enough and all that jazz --- in equal measure, it's a philosophy someone like Barnes might consider depraved and a sign of brainrot induced by too much fucking pot, being the dyed-in-the-bone conversative to Elias's more liberal tendencies.

Which makes things very ironic;

Because even though Barnes comes off as very laced up, no-nonsense and 'the old ways are the good ways' he'd just as likely be into public sex but for entirely different reasons.

With him it's showing who's large and in charge. The big dog. The alpha. A gesture of dominance for literally everyone who stumbles upon this. Like, he's aware that fucking someone openly like this is unhinged and that's just about the entire point --- the goal is to silently daunt no differently than his various scars are there to quietly remind everyone he's survived some unimaginable things and that he should, by extension, not be messed with. While catching Elias having public sex with someone might be a weirdly pastoral and even a lulling, inviting sight and not unlike catching two bathers on a beach caressing each other in the sand, feeling not at all out of place considering the warm, romantic surroundings along with the overall context, catching Barnes do it scares the observer because one's aware of all the other things he's capable of and this just adds to the proverbial shit-list. One's not sure if their head will end up unscrewed for catching him by accident or if one should be frightened shitless for their eyes ever even daring to stray in his general direction. Naturally, Barnes would coldly hold the stare of however walked in on him like fully aware they're there and letting them know with his eyes alone, like he doesn't care and in fact wants to unsettle them further; might even make (faux-annoyed seeming) conversation and give out orders as he does it purely to showcase how much he owns the turf and the person he's inside of that he doesn't even need to stop to get multiple things done at once. In any case, that person walks out entirely shaken after catching Barnes fuck someone publicly or semi publicly.

Catching Elias do it?

Well, one certainly won't leave the scene of it with their guts in knots, that's for sure.

[wonderwomanfantasy]

Kinktober day 7

Fisting w/ TestuTestu

masterlist

Someone told me that if Testu and Shindou had a kid it would be a bullet vibrator and I have not stopped thinking about it since.

warnings: Fingering/ Fisting, praise, Quirk play, I wrote this at like three in the morning and it shows.

word count: 1,000 (about)

Summary: Before dating you, TetsuTestus didn’t think there was a perverted way his quirk could be used, how wrong he was.

TestuTestu always tried to be a gentle lover. As a hero, he was constantly being beat to hell and back, and kicking the ass of people more often and not. It was nice to come home to someone who loved him and tenderly make love to them. However, you, like the depraved painslut you were, refused to let him have such a sweet fantasy.

“M-More Testu’,” you whimpered backing yourself against his hand as he drilled his fingers into your dripping wet cunt. You were laying on your stomach slowly backing yourself back on his hand.

Your ass cheeks were bright red, some of the red splotches were in the shape fo his hand, others were more abstract, all of them stung when he blew gently on them. You loved spankings even if Testu didn’t fully know why.

“I’m already four fingers deep baby I don’t know how much more I can give you unless you want me to fist you,” he meant it as a joke, to tease you for being so greedy. But the way your cunt spasumed around his hand it was clear that you didn’t take it that way.

“Fuck you like the sound of that don’t you? you want me to fist you?” He asked disbelievingly.

“M-maybe,” you gulped. He pulled out his sticky fingers and flipped you so you were on your back looking up at him. He wasn’t sure if he should wipe his fingers clean or not, after all, he was going to need all the lubrication he could get if he really was going to go through with this.  

“Play with your clit,” He demanded his voice coming off harsher than he meant it. It wasn’t annoyed that you asked this of him, just a little nervous. He didn’t want to hurt you, so he would just have to take things slow.

Tetsu left your side at the bed and went to the nightstand where you kept all of your dirty little secrets. He fumbled around the drawer with his clean hand before landing on the bottle of lube. before rolling back over to you.

He paused a moment to admire how pretty you looked with flushed cheeks and your legs spread wide while you rubbed your clit.

“you’re such a good girl for me,” he praised before uncapping the bottle and squirting the lube directly onto your cunt. you hissed as the cold jell dripped on to you.

“C-Cold,” you complained.

“then lets warm you up sweetie,” he chuckled returning his fingers to your cunt. He massaged the lube along your folds and into your pussy. Slowly he worked his way back into your doughy cunt until your walls were sucking down four of his fingers again.

“you sure you want this Baby girl?” he asked drizzling lube over his hand and slicking himself down to the wrist.

“Yes Tetsu, I want it so bad,” you pleaded spreading your pussy lips for him. He couldn’t help but stare at the glistening sex splayed out before him

“Brat,” He sighed. He pressed his thumb against his other fingers, forming a point so he could ease into you with as little resistance as possible. He slowly thrust his fingers into you over and over until he was able to push his knuckles into you. once you were over the literal hump your cunt snapped shut around his wrist.

“Oh fuck-” you cried out your back arching off the bed. you reached out with both hands grabbing him by the forearm keeping him in place.

You had never felt so full in your life, even though he was hung like a horse, his cock didn’t compare to this.

“you okay Honey? do you need me to pull out?” He asked, worried that the sudden motion was too much for you

“don’t you fucking dare,” you snapped back. “I’m fine Tetsu, just give me a second to adjust,” you said, this time much calmer.

Slowly you grew accustomed to the new feeling. yo rolled your hips against his wrist feeling the bulge of his hand as it brushed against your G-spot.

“f-fuck,” you groaned, “can you try moving your fingers?” you asked biting your lower lip. Tetsu did as you asked moving his fingers from a pinch into a real fist. slowly he wiggled his fingers, the pads of his digits brushing up against the deepest parts of your cunt.

you moaned out a string of expletives, your walls fluttering around him, your hips moved with a mind of their own fucking yourself on his arm

TetsuTetsu put his free arm over your stoumach pinning you to the bed.

“Deep breath baby, I know it feels good,” he soothed kissing your thigh to help you relax.

“s-sorry,” you breathed, “can you move please,” you asked softly, He did, softly pulling his fist back before pushing it back in feeling your tight walls contract around his hand.

“Testu u-use your quirk,” you begged. He nodded and activated his quirk. His fist didn’t change in size like you were hoping but the sudden jolt of cold metal inside your burning walls was enough to light all of your senses on fire. You were reminded of a bullet vibrator as Tetsu stretched out his fingers and caressed your g-spot. it was all just too much for you to handle.

“fuck Tetsu I’m going to cum fuck don’t stop baby,” you cried out trying hard not to buck your hips again. Tetsu was merciful, stroking the sensitive bundle of nerves until you came, your wetness gushing around his wrist and dripping down to his elbow.

“fuck that was hot,” he praised, feeling your cunt tremble around his hand. as slowly as he had worked his way inside of you he worked his way out. His entire arm was drenched in cum but he didn’t seem to mind. He leaned down and kissed your forehead.

“wait here, let me clean up and I'll get you some water, and maybe some painkillers,” he shuddered imagining taking something the size of his fist inside him.

“can I have the pocky you bought yesterday?”   you mumbled , He smiled to himself

“Of course baby,” anything for his princess.

[taegis-gf]

Forbidden - Part 2

Dealer!yoongi x Reader

Warnings ➜ smut, oral (m receiving), non-protected sex, tiny bit of angst

Summary ➜ You never meant to lock eyes with the beautiful stranger at Namjoon’s house party, you also didn’t mean to completely fall for him, knowing exactly how dangerous it was.

Word Count ➜ 7.6K

Part 1 here!

NB: if drug-taking in fics isn’t for you/or makes you uncomfortable, also reader is literally getting with a drug dealer so if any of this isn't for you  - please don’t read!

The next morning you wake up with a killer headache and a dry mouth.

You turned to your right and saw a passed-out Taehyung lying next to you. Your eyes widened as you quickly tried to recall last night’s events.

After your phone call with Yoongi you had gone back downstairs and partied. Hard.

You remembered at about 5am you were too tired and Jin had announced you could sleep in any of the bedrooms, Taehyung had followed you to talk but you both had just ended up passing out.

You smiled, remembering Taehyung had been concerned with no ulterior motives, you two were just talking complete nonsense however for about an hour before you both had just fallen asleep.

You reached out to the bedside table, where you had left your phone and checked the time.

10AM it had read, only 4ish hours of sleep? Why the hell were you awake?

You saw you had a message from Yoongi, but you were pretty sure you needed a few more hours of sleep if you wanted to text back anything that made actual sense.

You did, however, make the valiant effort of plugging your phone into a charger before passing out again.

When you woke up again you didn’t know how much time had passed.

You reached out for your phone again to see it read 1PM, Taehyung was still miraculously passed out beside you. 

You took a minute to examine his features, how the fuck did anyone deserve to be that beautiful? Especially after a night of partying? Jackass, you thought before sticking an elbow into his side.

“Tae,” you called out in a singsong tone. “Tae wake up.”

You earned a small groan from him and knew you were getting somewhere.

“Taeeeeeeee,” You called again. 

You rolled over onto him, straddling his hips and leaning into him.

“Tae wake up!”

Semi awake - you knew this because he had consciously grabbed your hips to keep you in place – he groaned again, probably unaware of who you even were.

“Wake up you loser!” You said, cupping his cheeks and shaking his head side to side a little.

“M’awake.” He replied, his grip on your hips tightening when he finally realised who you were.

He smiled, his eyes still closed.

“Hm, I always have dreams of waking up with you on top of me like this.” He murmured.

“Never thought it would happen though.” He said as he slowly opened his eyes.

You were 100% sure you’ve probably never looked worse but Taehyung only smiled wider when he saw your face.

“I was just trying to wake you up…” You trailed off, suddenly very aware of how your crotch was literally sitting on his.

You rolled off him, leaving him to fully wake up, pulling your phone off the charger.

You remembered the message from Yoongi, unlocking your phone. A smile crossed your face as you remembered the events from last night.

9:39AM

Yoongi: hey, text me when ur awake 

You grinned even harder, typing your reply.

1:13PM

You: hey sorry my lazy ass is only awake now, i stayed in Jins, let me call you when im home and showered T_T

“God, you must have it bad.” Taehyung said from beside you.

You glared at him “I don’t know what you're talking about.” You replied.

“Well if how hard your smiling at your phone is anything to go by, you must clearly have it bad for somebody.” He said.

You rolled your eyes at him.

“I’m going back to my dorm.” You said, standing up, feeling a little dizzy.

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you.” He said, winking.

You mimicked gagging as you threw your shoes on and fled Jin’s house.

*

As you stepped out of the warmth of the shower and wrapped a towel around your hair, you threw on a long t-shirt and got settled into your bed.

You pulled out your phone and opened up your recents, hitting Yoongi’s name, you watched it as it began ringing.

You became a little nervous, your mind thinking back to everything that had gone on last night.

You put the phone up to ear listening to the sounds as you closed your eyes letting out a heavy sigh of exhaustion.

They sprung back open as soon as you heard the “Hello?” from the other side of the line.

“Hey.” Was all you could manage, your anxiety sky rocketing.

“Hey,” Yoongi replied. “So how bad is your hangover?” He asked.

You laughed and scoffed. “Leave me alone! I am currently dying and in serious need of unhealthy food.”

“Maybe I can help with that?” He asked, a hint of uncertainty in his voice like you were going to tell him no.

“What do you mean?” You asked, a smile on your face.

“I can pick up anything you want, bring it to you. We can talk.” He said.

“Oh yes please that sounds amazing!” You said, glee overwhelming you.

“Okay text me what you want and your address.” 

And with that the conversation ended, you quickly jumped up to dry your hair and put on a pair of shorts.

When there was a knock on the door you leapt up, heart about to beat right through your chest.

You opened it up with a smile and Yoongi smiled back holding up food in one hand. You grabbed his hand and pulled him in.

Your dorm room was small so you didn’t really have any other choice but to sit down on your bed and pat the space beside you.

“Here is the chicken strips your majesty ordered.” He said, sitting beside you.

“Thank you so much, you have no idea how hungry I am.” You opened up the bag getting stuck in like some depraved animal.

“I didn’t know you lived in a dorm,” He said, gazing around your room.

“Yeah,” you said, munching on fries, you swallowed and began again. “I’m in my 3rd year.” 

“Wow, I don’t know…I pictured you to live in some ridiculous mansion like the rest of them do.” He said with a shrug of his shoulders.

“No, believe it or not, I am in no way rich, far from it actually, I met them because my mom used to clean Namjoon’s house actually, she used to bring me along. That’s how we all met.”

You weren’t ashamed that you had significantly less money than your friends, far from it actually, your mom was a single mother who did her best for you.

“Oh really? That’s actually quite surprising.” Yoongi said, his eyes skimming over your face, meeting your eyes.

“I’m not ashamed! Those rich dicks help me a lot actually, they’ve definitely made sure I didn’t I go hungry or anything, they treat me well, I’m super thankful.” You said, taking another bite of your food, it was going down a treat.

“Thank you for the food, I have some money in my coat pocket-“ You made a move to stand.

“Please, it’s on me.” Yoongi said, putting a hand on your arm to stop you getting up.

You laughed. “I probably just made it sound like I’m some sort of charity case.”

Yoongi shook his head, “Not at all, I just wanted to do something nice.” 

You looked up at him again, his dark hair was falling into his eyes a little and you couldn't stop yourself thinking about how beautiful the man in front of you was, even if he did look a little serious at the moment.

“Listen,” he began, “about last night, I hope you don’t regret it.” He said, he wasn’t looking at you anymore.

You put the rest of your food to the side, wanting to move closer to him.

“Of course I don’t.” You reassured him. “Do you?” You asked.

Yoongi looked at you once again, “No.” 

“See? We both don’t regret anything. I’m glad.” You said, resting a hand on his thigh.

“I want to talk though,” He started, his eyes focused on where your hand was. “I know it’s no secret. What my job is.”

It was your turn to listen to his story and you did, you nodded, letting him continue.

“I know what I said to you the first night we met, and I won’t lie, I still feel like that a little, I’m a first-class scumbag, right? I mean what else kind of person deals drugs.”

He said, scoffing at himself.

He kept going, he clearly wanted to get everything out on the table.

“I never wanted this, my dad’s side of the family are all like this, my mom ran off, I guess she was afraid of him, but she didn’t take me with her. I grew up with this and I never wanted to do his dirty work for him. I tried to fight him on it but what can I do? He wouldn’t let me leave. I know I’m a bad person, I try so hard not to be, I only sell to people I can trust, no addicts, no one underage, just mainly rich kids who want to party, ya know? I know that doesn’t make it any better…”

You could tell he was struggling to get this out, but it needed to be done.

“My dad’s a hardass, he doesn’t even do any of the dirty work though, just sits on his throne all day keeping his hands clean. He threw me into this, his own son, said he wanted me to get a taste of what it was like out there, he said I won't have to do it for long but I needed some toughening up as he put it.”

You were listening intently, afraid to speak. Him saying this made it all so real.

You knew what he was doing was wrong, but the fact that he was basically being forced to do it made your heart ache, he didn’t ask to be born into that life and running away from home when your father was that kind of man…it wasn’t an option either you guessed.

“I’m not making excuses, really I’m not, I just... I like you a lot and there is no way I can take this any further without you knowing all this. I understand if you don’t want to see me again.” He said. 

You looked at him, he was still looking down unable to meet your eyes, was he really that ashamed?

A part of you wanted to tell him you didn’t want to see him again, to not let yourself get into this sort of situation, but something about him was so damn infatuating, you wanted to keep seeing him, get to know him, his hobbies, his hopes and dreams. You wanted all of him.

It had been a while since he spoke and you realised you hadn’t even replied to him, too caught up in your own thoughts.

“Look I get it, I’ll just go.” And as he made a move to stand you hastily grabbed at his wrist.

“No please don’t go Yoongi. Please. This was just a lot to process, I’m sorry. But I definitely don’t want you to walk away.” You said giving him a -what you hoped looked- reassuring smile.

Yoongi smiled back but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“I know it’s a lot, that’s why I don’t date, or get involved with girl’s at all for that matter. But then I saw you at Namjoon’s party…I couldn’t believe how beautiful you were, I’ve never felt like that before seeing someone for the first time.”

Your heart swelled.

“I thought the same about you, I mean I tried to flirt from the damn bathroom.” You said, laughing a little.

“I know,” Yoongi replied, laughing a little too as he recalled the memory. “I said that cheesy line as well, I felt like a damn moron for that.”

You laughed harder. “Don’t worry, I liked it.”

“You were drunk!” 

“I wasn’t that drunk…well actually…” You trailed off as you recalled.

You both were laughing hard now. 

You couldn’t believe how natural this all felt, being like this with him. 

And that’s how the rest of your afternoon with him went, just talking about anything and everything, you were getting to know each other and it felt amazing.

So when he announced he had to go you had pouted and he gave you a quick kiss on your pout and promised to call you.

*

You were sitting with Jungkook in your local coffee shop, both stressing about assignments, but avoiding them like the idiots you were.

“This has got to be the worst week of my life, I feel like I’ve been hungover for about 5 days and this essay is due in 2 days, how do they expect me to write five thousand words whilst trying to party? I go to college to party, not to work.” Jungkook was moaning, you weren’t really listening to him, you rolled your eyes.

“Jungkook you’re gonna flunk out if you don’t start doing some work.” You said sighing.

“They can’t flunk me,” he began with a cocky smirk, “When your dad’s on the board there are some perks, for example, doing the bare minimum and getting away with it.” 

You scoffed at him, hitting his shoulder.

“And where is that attitude going to take you in life? Hmm?” You were tired of dealing with his rich boy antics.

“I don’t know, hopefully surrounded by some good pussy and parties 24/7.” 

You were pretty sure if you rolled your eyes any harder they were going to fall out of your head.

“Well, unlike you, I have to actually put some effort in, I’m going to the library, it’s due on Monday.” As you got up Jungkook stood with you.

“I’ll walk you over.” He offered and you didn’t decline.

As you walked across the grass, Jungkook had his hands in his pockets.

“So does that mean you’re not going to the party tomorrow?” He asked.

You shook your head a firm no, that was the last thing on earth you needed to be doing.

“Awh no fun, I hate it when you’re not there.” He said and you gave him the side-eye.

“What are you talking about? We barely speak at parties, you're always too busy trying to get laid by the first brunette that walks through the door.” You stated.

“Oh come on! Not fair. Me and you know how to have a good time, you’re the only person I can count on to get as fucked up as me.” He said, smiling at you.

You hit his shoulder again. “Why are you so proud? Us embarrassing ourselves isn’t cute.”

“It is so.” He retorted.

You just shook your head, walking in silence until you were back on campus.

“Hey look… isn’t that Min Yoongi?” Jungkook asked, nodding his head in the direction he was in.

You shot your head up immediately, Jungkook was right, Yoongi was there. Standing in front of what you could only assume was his car, it was sleek, black and look like it cost more than a house. 

You looked away, turning to Jungkook. “How do you know who he is?”

“A lot of people on campus know who he is, he’s infamous, you know he used to go here? He dropped out, turned into… ya know…a drug dealer.” Jungkook said lowering his voice. 

“He refuses to sell to me. I’m pretty sure he’s Jin’s dealers though, I see him around sometimes.”

You widened your eyes in surprise, smacking Jungkook on the shoulder for what had to be the 15th time today.

“Ouch! What did I do now?” He said, faking hurt.

“You tried to buy from him? What are you, some sort of idiot?” You scolded.

“He’s a cool guy Y/N, I’ve heard the rumours about him selling to only a select few, but I thought I’d chance my arm anyway, see if he was down, he most definitely was not.” Jungkook said, laughing at the obviously funny memory.

“Jesus Christ Jungkook, you really are shameless.” You stated, distracted.

Yoongi had spotted you, he wasn’t making it obvious but he stole a few looks your way.

“Is he…looking at you Y/N?” Jungkook said, suddenly aware of the situation.

You immediately turned bright red.

“Oh my god, he is!” Jungkook half-shouted. 

“Jungkook oh my god, shut up!” You said back at him, suddenly irritated at his childishness, if anyone were to find out about you and Yoongi – well let’s just say Jungkook would’ve been dead last on your list.

“I can’t believe this…wait, how do you even know him?” He asked, he stopped walking and suddenly turned to you, going into full blown interrogation mode.

“I don’t! Well not really, I just talked to him at Namjoon’s party once, I didn’t even know who he was.” You said, it technically wasn’t a lie, you just couldn’t let Jungkook know it had went so much further than that.

“Jesus…” Jungkook breathed out, he was clearly in deep thought.

“Please stop making it sound like such a bad thing Jungkook, it isn’t that deep!”

“He’s a fucking dealer Y/N, do you know how dangerous that makes him!?” He shot back, clearly worried for you, it would be almost endearing if you hadn’t felt such a strong need to defend Yoongi.

“You know he doesn’t even want that life? His dad forced him into it, he didn’t have a choice in the matter…” You trailed off, hoping Jungkook would be reasonable.

“How well do you know him really? I’m sure that makes it seem like it’s all okay Y/N, but it doesn’t.” He wasn’t budging on his opinion.

You wanted to fight him on this, but honestly, how could you?

“You didn’t...get with him…did you?” Jungkook asked, seeing how worked up you were getting up over the situation.

“Jungkook, I swear to god, if you don’t stay out of my business, we won’t be friends anymore.” You shoved him out of your way and stormed on, you heard him call your name but you ignored him.

As you were walking it suddenly hit you, Yoongi had just witnessed your whole confrontation, he hadn’t been close enough to hear but anybody with two eyes could clearly see you and Jungkook had been arguing.

You didn’t look over at Yoongi, you put your head down and powerwalked all the way to your dorm.

As you closed your door you threw your bag on the floor in anger. Who the fuck did Jungkook think he was? He wasn’t in charge of your life you were a grown woman.

You began shedding clothes, suddenly feeling too hot, you were getting far too worked up, ready to burst into tears.

Your phone was buzzing incessantly in your back pocket and you finally took it out, looking to see who it was;

Notifications:

JK: iMessage(s) (8)

Yoongi: iMessage(s) (2)

You sighed and threw your phone on the bed, you couldn’t bring yourself to read any of them, your head was hurting and you just wanted to crawl into your bed.

So you did. 

It was only 2pm, but a nap couldn’t hurt, your problems would still be there when you woke up, but you could avoid them for a few hours.

*

When you woke up, it was due to the sound of your phone vibrating once again, you didn’t know how long it had been doing that exactly, but the fact it had been seeping into your dream, you figured it had been a while.

You picked it up from beside you and squinted at the bright light in your face.

Incoming call: JK

You hastily declined the call and when you did you saw the notifications on your home screen.

Notifications:

JK: iMessage(s) (14)

Missed calls (6)

Yoongi: iMessage(s) (5)

Missed Calls (2)

You groaned at the time, you’d been asleep for about 2 hours, but Jungkook obviously had a lot to say to you, you knew he had been saying everything to you out of his love for you, that he didn’t mean to be mean or hurtful. Heck, you knew what kind of situation you were in and damn you and Yoongi had beat that horse to death the first time he had came over to your dorm, you were taking it slow, unaware of where you two wanted to take this, but you both knew how badly you’d wanted to keep seeing each other.

You took a deep breath and unlocked your phone, staring at the messages Jungkook had left first.

2:07PM

JK: Y/N I’m sorry about how that went down, we need to talk

JK: Please don’t ignore me, I know I annoyed you

JK: I know I didn’t even take the time to really hear you out

JK: You know how much I care about you

JK: How could I stand by and let you just do something like that?

JK: Wht kind of friend would that make me?

JK: please please don’t shut me out

JK: I love you so much don’t be mad at me :(

3:13PM

JK: I promise I wont say anything to anyone

JK: I do think you should tell Jin though

3:56PM

JK: Y/N please pick up the phone

JK: Im going fucking crazy sitting here

JK: I just need to know you don’t hate me :(

JK: ik Im being a stalker here, but just one word to reassure me you’ll talk to me again is all I need :( ur my best friend

You sighed heavily as you scrolled through his texts, he was obviously annoyed at himself and clearly demented at the thought you may never speak to him again.

You put your anger aside to type one quick reply.

4:04PM

You: I don’t hate you, I just don’t know how to talk about this with you yet, give me time.

He typed a reply right away.

JK: okay !! I understand im so glad you replied i love u tho

You really needed to set things straight with Jungkook but you knew you both needed to speak to each other in person, you would in due time.

As you took another heavy sigh you clicked over to yours and Yoongi’s text conversation.

2:04PM

Yoongi: Hey is everything okay with you and your friend (jungkook I think, im not sure…) 

Yoongi: I wanted to come say hi but things look a little heated, do you wnt me to come over?

3:45PM

Yoongi: im sure youre busy I don’t want to be that person who worries over not getting a reply, but I really do hope ur ok…

Yoongi: ive tried calling u sorry if that’s annoying lol, let me know ur okay?

Yoongi obviously didn’t realise your argument with Jungkook had been over him, so how could he know you couldn’t even tell him what you two had been arguing about, you didn’t want to lie to him he clearly seemed to care, but you thought the truth would be more damaging than good as you began to type back.

4:07PM

You: hey im sorry! Ur not annoying i just accidentally fell asleep, sorry if i left you to worry about me although it is very cute tho,,,, me and jungkook were just talking about one of my close girlfriends, he said something about wanting to fuck her and i got angry…it’s the norm with me and him, nothing to worry abt 😙

You read over what you typed about 5 times, hoping it was believable, you pressed send. 

You lay in your bed waiting for ten minutes before you got a reply.

4:19PM

Yoongi: it didn’t look like nothing,,,my offer to come and see u still stands ya know… im still about campus 

Your heart felt heavy. 

You thought about how much you wanted to see him, and you knew that even though Jungkook was right he was also so very wrong.

4:21PM

You: yeah i would actually really like that���you remember where i am don’t u?

After about 10 minutes you heard a knock on your door and you bounced up from your bed, you probably looked a hot mess but you didn’t care, you just felt giddy at the thought of seeing Yoongi.

You pulled open the door and were practically beaming at him.

“Hi.” You said.

“Hi yourself.” He replied as he walked in, you took a step back still watching him as he closed the door behind him.

You were still awe of how effortlessy beautiful he was, the dainty silver chain around his neck, his hair was getting a little too long but the way it was falling into his eyes made him even more beautiful.

“What is it?” He asked a small laugh escaping him, clearly confused by your staring.

“Nothing really…I just think you’re cute.” Your eyes widened after you finished speaking, that sounded a whole lot better in your head.

Yoongi let out an amused scoff.

“You think I’m cute?” He retorted.

He took a step towards you and you felt your heart rate began to go a lot faster.

“Well…I d-,” He was getting closer. “I don’t know – it just slipped out.” You said.

“It just slipped out?” He repeated.

You had never felt more flustered in your life and it only got worse as he finally got close enough to rest his hands on your hips and pull you close to him.

“Do you…wanna watch a movie or something?” You asked, god he really was fucking you up.

“No.” Was all Yoongi said before he leaned in and kissed you.

You welcomed his kiss immediately, leaning into his touch and wrapping your hands around his neck, teasing the ends of his hair with the tips of your fingers.

You slowly began incoporating your tongue into the kiss and let out a pleased moan when Yoongi began lightly sucking on it.

“You make the prettiest noises…” He said breathily between your kisses.

“Hmmm.” Was all you responded.

“Even better hearing them in person rather than over the phone.” He stated.

You froze a little feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment at the memory of Yoongi talking you through your orgasm over the phone.

“I must’ve jerked off to the memory of that about a million times, god it was so fucking hot,” You were staring wide eyes at him, you could feel the familiar heat growing between your legs.

“R-really?” Was all you could mutter as Yoongi began kissing your neck his hands reaching round to grab at your ass.

“Are you kidding me? Of course, you sounded amazing baby, you did so well for me.”

Fuck.

You could feel yourself getting more flustered by the second, all you could think to do was to kiss him again.

As you both grew more heated you let Yoongi guide over to your bed and your stomach was doing flips in anticipation.

You let him lie down and crawled over on top of him straddling his hips.

You pulled off your top leaving you in your bra and Yoongi just stared at your chest.

His hands reaching up he moved round to unhook your bra.

You shuddered at his touch and slender fingers getting to work and when he finally let your bra slide off your shoulders his hands reached up to palm at your breasts and you let out a small moan when he teased your nipple with his fingers.

“You’re beautiful.” He murmured.

You could feel him under you, growing hard and heavy.

You began grinding down allowing you both to have some friction.

“Fuck, I could come like this.” You moaned, grinding down on him harder.

Yoongi was smirking, “Yeah why don’t you try?” He challenged.

You smiled back at him, closing your eyes and throwing your head back, you went to town.

“Fuck, I can feel how big you are Yoongi.”

You swore you felt his cock twitch at that.

“Want you so bad, so fucking bad.” You were talking yourself up now, getting yourself more and more worked up, you were so close.

“Yeah? Show me how bad you want me baby, fucking use me.” Yoongi said while he continued to tease your nipples, he sat up slightly, using his mouth to suck one into his mouth.

“Fuck!” Was all you managed before you came undone, riding yourself on Yoongi through your orgasm.

“You really weren’t lying.” Was all Yoongi could manage before you began moving your body down his.

You pulled his jeans down, revealing the outline of him through his boxers, your mouth watering.

You palmed over him, “You really are big, fuck.” You whispered, almost to yourself.

“You want to suck my dick baby?” He offered.

You nodded like a crazy woman, you wanted him so bad and him asking you something like that only spurred you on.

You pulled his briefs down letting his cock spring free.

“Jesus.” Was all you could say.

Yoongi laughed, clearly amused at your reaction to his dick.

“I mean it’s no Jesus but I appreciate the compliment.” He said.

You laughed, hard. You couldn’t believe you had his dick in your hand and he was making you laugh like an idiot.

“Okay stop or I won’t be able to do a damn thing.” You stated, trying to get your breath back.

“Hm okay sorry I’ll stop.” But his smile still remained as he watched you.

You just smiled as you lowered your head taking him slowly into your mouth.

You wrapped your hand around what you couldn’t put in your mouth, beginning to really get to work.

You heard Yoongi’s breath hitch and let out a small groan at your actions and mentally congratulated yourself.

“Fuck you’re good at that.” He said breathless.

“Hmmm.” You moaned around him.

“Ah fuck baby please.” He said an encouraging hand on your head willing you to take more of him in your mouth.

So you did just that, you took more of him, he hit the back of your throat and as you tried to suppress your gag reflex Yoongi clearly appreciated what you were doing.

He moaned and oh god it is such a sexy noise you wanted to just start touching yourself then and there, you were insatiable.

After a few more minutes your jaw was beginning to ache but you never faltered wanting to finish the job, it’s Yoongi who stops you.

“Babe stop, I don’t wanna come like this. Wanna be inside you.” He stated and you felt yourself suddenly become nervous, looking up at him you could see his fucked out expression and it only turned you on more, you pushed your nerves to the side; you trusted him, and you’d wanted him this way from the moment you set your eyes on him.

“Do you have a condom?” Yoongi asked as you sat up to remove your skirt and underwear.

You turned to him to see him taking his shirt off, only to pause when you remembered you couldn’t even remember the last time you purchased condoms.

“Shit…No actually, I don’t.” You said.

Yoongi looked at you laughing a little in disbelief.

“No it’s okay, I’m clean and I’m on the pill!” You said as you straddled him, you weren’t going to let this ruin your first time with Yoongi.

“I’m clean too, to be honest it’s actually been a while-“

“Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.” You interrupted him, “you still want to do this then?”

You saw his cock twitch at your teasing and you laughed a little only to gasp in shock as he grabbed you by the hips and all of a sudden you were underneath him.

“Of course I want to do this.” He said into your ear.

“Then do it, fuck me Yoongi, please.” You could hear the neediness in your voice but you didn’t care.

“Should I use my fingers first babe, I can stretch you out first-”

You didn’t even let him finish, too eager. “No, I’ll be okay I think I’m wet enough from already cumming. Please just hurry.”

Yoongi laughed and buried his head into the crook of your neck and let out a groan of frustration before pulling away and looking at you, he gave you a small kiss before muttering something that sounded something like what are you doing to me? But you weren’t sure.

Yoongi lined up at your entrance and you were already so wet the tip slid in with ease.

You let out a small whine as the initial feeling, you couldn’t believe this was finally happening.

“Baby jesus chirst…you are so wet…so tight…fuck you feel amazing.” He said.

You merely nodded in agreement, you didn’t trust yourself to speak, he was all in the way in you now and you had to bite your lip to hold back a scream.

“Please…move…Yoongi.” You managed.

And with that Yoongi started thrusting into you, hard.

You were moaning loudly completely lost in the pleasure.

“Baby you sound so pretty, keep moaning like that, you want me to fuck you harder?” he asked.

He was breathing heavily but when you gave him a small yes he complied, fucking into you at an unbelievable pace, your body started moving a little up the bed but Yoongi grabbed you by the hips to keep you in place.

“Yoongi just like that oh my god just like that.” You moaned.

Yoongi reached his hand down to rub at your clit and you jerked at the bolt of pleasure, it was almost too much. Almost.

“Couldn’t stop thinking about you like this…” Yoongi murmured, “underneath me moaning like this.”

You smiled “Really? Did you get off to the thought of this a lot?” You asked teasingly.

“Fuck more than I care to admit.” He breathed out.

You lifted your arms to wrap them around his neck, pulling him in for a kiss.

He was hitting you deeper now and his relentless attack on your clit was only causing you to reach your end quicker, you put your face in the crook of his neck and let out a loud whine.

“Baby, are you close already?” 

Yoongi had slowed now but he was rubbing your clit faster and you could feel your orgasm about to wash over you.

“Yes – fuck – I’m gonna come.” You said.

Yoongi was panting heavy, picking up his pace again, he could feel you clenching around him and you knew he was just as close as you.

“Come for me please baby.” And with a few final strokes of your clit, your orgasm hit you like a train.

You were lost in yourself, lost in your orgasm you took a moment to come back down to earth you put your hands on Yoongi’s shoulders and wrapped your legs around his waist encouraging him to come.

“Baby please come, please fill me up.” You said in your fucked out moan.

And he did, spilling inside you the feeling of him filling you up was so blissful you moaned again.

“Oh fuck,” Yoongi whispered you almost didn’t hear him,  but the way he said those words just confirmed he had enjoyed himself just as much as you had.

When he pulled out of you you were both still breathing heavily, the both of you so fucked out you couldn’t even speak yet, Yoongi rolled over to lay beside you.

After a minute of silence Yoongi finally spoke.

“That was-“

“Amazing.” You finished.

Yoongi laughed, leaning over to kiss you, a small affectionate peck that left you smiling like an idiot.

“Let me get you a cloth.” Yoongi offered, getting off the bed he pulled back on his underwear and walked into your small en-suite.

You could feel Yoongi’s cum seeping out of you and as gross as it was it only caused you to smile knowing what had just happened.

“Here.” Yoongi said, as he walked back out handing you the cloth, it was hot and you appreciated the fact he had taken the time to do that for you, it was sweet.

“Thank you.” You said sitting up to clean yourself.

You climbed off your bed aswell, throwing on Yoongi’s shirt to cover yourself up.

“Looks good on you.” Yoongi said.

You scoffed, “I’m gonna shower I’m sure I look like a mess…give me a minute?”

“Yeah no problem –” Yoongi was muttering as he reached for his phone to check it, after a second he was bouncing up.

“Actually I’m sorry I have to go – god I really don’t want to be that guy that just leaves right after…” He trailed off, his eyes wandering over your body until you realised he was looking at his own shirt on your body.

You nodded trying not to show your upset at the events that were unfolding in front of you.

You hastily reached for your dressing gown to cover up your naked form as you pulled his shirt up over your head.

“Y/N please don’t get quiet on me like that, you do know I care about you and I would not be leaving unless this wasn’t an emergency, right?” He said as he pulled on his shoes and stood up.

He made his way back over to you and took both your hands in his, encouraging you to look up at him.

“I’m sorry, I really am, please don’t be upset, please tell me you understand.”

It took everything in you to nod and give him a small smile.

“I’m fine Yoongi, go, I understand.” You lied.

He took another 10 seconds to further examine your face to make sure you weren’t upset, you were definitely giving him a convincing enough expression.

He gave you a small nod before grabbing his keys and phone giving you a small peck on the lips and leaving out the door.

You let out a huge sigh, you felt tired again.

*

You woke up the next morning feeling groggy and confused, you couldn't even remembering falling asleep again, you took a deep breath as you remembered yesterdays events.

After Yoongi had left you had stood there for a minute before you let the shame wash over you, you felt like you had just been used for a quick fuck, you wanted to believe Yoongi wasn’t like that but it was hard not to when he was already out the door even as his cum was still freshly inside you.

You had showered for a long time, trying to rid yourself of the negative thoughts that were overwhelming you.

Yoongi wasn’t like that, he had shared himself with you, told you details of his private life and in turn, had listened to your story as well, but was this a regular occurrence with him? 

Was the time that you were able to spend together going to be far and few between?

You decided the best thing for you was to simply distract yourself so as you sat on your bed you opened up your laptop to get started on the assignment you had due, you decided to switch off your phone, you knew if you didn’t you would be checking it every 5 minutes waiting on a text from a certain someone.

A few hours passed as you really began getting into your work you figured you’d be able to get it finished by tomorrow, but a sharp knock on your door made you jump out of your skin.

“Y/N open up please.” You heard a muffled voice come from behind the door.

It was Jungkook.

You took a deep breath, you hadn’t been mentally ready to see him for a while, but here he was.

You stood up off your bed, walking to the door you hesitantly opened it just a crack as you peered out to him.

He looked good as usual, black jeans, black cap and that damn black leather jacket.

He immediately looked at you as you poked your head through the gap in the door.

“What do you want Jungkook?” You asked, you really weren’t in the mood to get lectured right now.

“What am I, some stranger? Let me in and we can talk.” He said moving closer to the door.

“Jungkook – I’m really not in the mood right now.” You said.

He pushed the door open anyway his strength no match for you.

“What are you deaf now? I don’t wanna talk Jungkook.” You stood back from him as he closed the door behind him, he really did look huge in your small dorm room.

“Please just let us talk this out, you know I hate fighting with you, the other guys… I will freeze their asses out when they’re mad at me I don’t care…but with you.” Jungkook looked at you with those bigs eyes and you let out a huge sigh, you had a soft spot for him.

“Okay, let’s talk.” You said with a heavy heart, you weren’t ready for the dose of reality Jungkook was going to hit you with.

He took a seat on your bed, your dorm room didn’t even have a desk so everything had to happen on your bed, you cringed a little when you realised you hadn’t even washed your sheets since you and Yoongi had had sex on them.

You took a seat beside him folding your legs up underneath yourself.

“You wanna tell me how this happened?” Jungkook said, you got the vibes he wanted everything out on the table.

“I wasn’t lying yesterday. I met him at Namjoon’s house party the other week. He was there because you all cried in Jin’s face about getting coke.” You said, you were definitely on the defence.

Jungkook furrowed his eyebrows a little, you know he could tell you were going to be snarky about this but he had the patience of a god when it came to you, lord knows you could be difficult.

“Okay…” Jungkook began slowly, “So you two just…what?”

You rolled your eyes. “Jungkook, I saw him at Namjoon’s party I flirted with him even after I found out who he was, I saw him at Jin’s again and he kissed me…he actually was here yesterday…” You didn’t know what else to say, how do you tell your best friend you were fucking a drug dealer, it wasn’t exactly something you just said, but you knew Jungkook was smart enough to already know what you were saying.

“What?! You mean you two have already…” He didn’t need to finish his sentence, he trailed off looking like he was deep in thought.

“Aren’t you moving a little to fast here Y/N? I mean if you only met him at Namjoon’s party then –“ You took second to blink at Jungkook before hitting his shoulder.

“Excuse me?! You fuck the first girl you see at any party within an hour of meeting her and you’re going to lecture me about whoring it out?!” You weren't really that angry more in shock that Jungkook had actually said something like that to you.

Jungkook laughed a little at your reaction “I didn’t mean it that way, I’m sorry I guess it’s just because of who he is…you have to know this is a bad idea right?” He was looking at you a lot more serious now.

You nodded solemnly, “I know Jungkook, fuck, believe me, we both know.”

“But…let me guess, he’s not entirely what I’m picturing? Cause I know damn well you wouldn’t let get this worked up over someone if you didn’t like them a lot.”

Sometimes you forgot how attentive Jungkook was, a lot of your relationship was joking around with each other so when shit got serious you were reminded of the fact that he actually cared about you a lot and that he actually knew you pretty well.

“Yeah, it’s new but…I like him a lot, although I’m not even sure if the feelings are one hundred per cent reciprocated. Maybe it’s just self-deprecation thinking that… I don’t know it’s been so long since I’ve wanted to see someone more than once. I forgot how hard this shit is.” You scoffed out a laugh, you were pretty sure you sounded stupid but you weren’t sure how to talk about this.

“Please, are you kidding me? If the feelings aren’t reciprocated then he is a total dumbass because any guy would be so lucky to have you.” Jungkook said.

You didn’t know where to look, Jungkook speaking like this to you felt foreign.

“I know that was cheesy,” Jungkook laughed a little. “But it’s true, I mean look at Taehyung, he embarrasses himself all the time trying to get you to go out with him.” 

You rolled your eyes.

“All Taehyung wants is a quick hump and dump.”

Jungkook scoffed “Are you kidding me? I’m pretty sure Tae’s been in love with you from the moment he set his eyes on you, remember when he gave you his favourite toy to play with and we all were in shock cause it was the first time we’d seen him share anything.”

You laughed at the memory, but Jungkook had no idea what he was talking about, Taehyung only saw you as a friend and possibly another notch on his belt.

“Listen what I’m trying to say is Y/N, at the end of the day this is your choice obviously but please be careful, please, I can look out for you but I don’t think I stand a chance against a drug lord’s crew if it came down to that.”

You looked at him in shock. “Jungkook don’t say shit like that oh my god! Nothing like that would happen!”

You shivered at the thought for a second, thinking about how you only saw Yoongi and not his world, it probably was as dangerous as Jungkook was imagining.

“I’m sorry okay, I’m just going to be worrying like crazy from now on, you know that right? Let me be the overbearing overprotective friend please.”

You let out a heavy sigh choosing to not say anything for a moment as you got lost in your own head.

“Y/N, I respect your choices always. But please be careful.” 

You nodded, “Thank you Jungkook, and you know I will.”

“Listen I gotta go but I’ll text you okay?” Jungkook said as he stood up.

You stood up with him following him to the door.

He leaned in and gave you a hug, it was warm and you felt safe in his arms for the short moment they were around you.

You really did have great friends you thought.

With a quick goodbye, Jungkook left you alone with your thoughts.

PART 3

[thirsttrapholland]

What Happens in the On-Call Room

Requested?    Yes  

By: anonymous

Pairing: Doctor!Tom x Doctor!Reader

Anonymous said to thirsttrapholland:

hello love! wondering if doc!tom interested you, like idk he fucks her in the toilet or smthn and he gets paged for surgery idk

Warning(s): Smut, adult language, Dr. Holland making you swoon, I think that’s about it.

Word Count: 2050

A/N: Alright y’all, I don’t know jack about doctors or the inner workings of hospitals except for what I learned from Grey’s, Scrubs and the occasional episodes of General Hospital I used to watch with my grandma after school,lol. So, if I got any details or lingo wrong, please forgive me.

Changed it up just a little bit anon. I hope you like it.   Feedback is always appreciated.

You had promised yourself that you would never fulfill the cliché of overworked, stressed out and sleep deprived doctors that had neither the time nor energy to maintain real relationships and instead took sexual solace in a colleague they might not even like or barely knew just to stave off boredom, loneliness and to feel something at least akin to a real human connection.

And yet, just like something out of a particularly shitty and depraved episode of Grey’s Anatomy, there you were on the lumpy sofa in the on-call room being fucked senseless by Dr. Thomas Holland.

You had been stretched out on the sofa trying to recall from the abnormal psych class you’d taken as an undergrad, just how many hours a person could go without sleep before they started to hallucinate.

You were over halfway through your second 12-hour shift of the week and despite how bone tired and weary you were, sleep seemed to be eluding you.  You had just started to drift off for the first time in you couldn’t remember how long, when the door to the on-call room banged open and you heard someone walk in. You opened your eyes to find the infamous Tom Holland standing over you.

Dr. Holland was known all around the hospital for three things.

Number one, was his impeccable bedside manner.  He really had a way with people.  He was both incredibly charming and had a soothing presence.  He possessed an innate ability to calm even the most terrified patient or family member. He never talked down to his patients but explained exactly what would take place during their surgeries in a way that they could understand and patiently answered all their questions.  Most of the hospital staff was convinced that most of his patients were at least half in love with him by the time they were released.

 Secondly, he was the youngest and most arrogant cardiothoracic surgeon on the staff and that was really saying something.  Most surgeons were at least a little bit arrogant by nature; it was hard not to be when you were responsible for people’s lives.  Probably a little hard not to develop an outsize ego when you literally held other people’s hearts in your hands on a regular basis.

Even you yourself weren’t immune to having your head up your own ass on occasion; so, the fact that his cockiness stood out in a building full of doctors really kind of said it all.  He was very good at what he did and wasn’t about to let anybody forget it.

And finally, it wasn’t just patients who were taken in by his charming bedside manner.  If all the talk around the halls was to be believed, Tom had a cut a swath through the hospital, counting nurses, fellow doctors and maybe even an administrator or two among his conquests.  He never really dated anybody; it was more just random hook ups.

Of course, hospitals were worse than the average high school cafeteria when it came to being a breeding ground for rumors, so who even knew how much of the gossip was true.  Dr. Holland had been the attending on a couple of your intakes and there had been a few moments that if you squinted hard enough, he might have been flirting with you but for the most part he was always professional.

Which is not to say that you were immune to his charms; not at all.   Tom was handsome and that was just a fact.  Big brown eyes, thick wavy dark brown hair, killer cheekbones, a ridiculous jawline and the kind of smile that could literally light up a room.  The kind of soft, gentle voice that could probably talk you into damn near anything if he wanted to. So, if people really were queuing up to be next in line, you got it.

In fact, if you were being honest with yourself, you knew that if he ever made a move on you or if an opportunity presented itself, there was a very high chance that you would say yes.  You just weren’t going to go out of your way to be the latest notch on his bedpost.

You gave up on the notion of getting any sleep as you swung your feet off the sofa to make room for Tom to sit down.  “What are you doing here?”  His casual street attire, a plain black t-shirt and a pair of faded jeans, was a tip off that he was no longer on the clock.  “Didn’t your shift end a couple of hours ago?”    

“It did but the patient I operated on earlier should be coming around sometime soon and I promised her I’d be here when she woke up.”

As many physical assets as Dr. Holland had, you thought that perhaps the most attractive thing about him was just how much he genuinely cared about his patients.  

It wasn’t an uncommon occurrence to pass by a patient’s room and see Tom sitting on the edge of their bed, regaling them with some ridiculous story, sneaking them an extra pudding cup from the cafeteria or simply just holding a hand.  

You could tell from the dark circles under his eyes just how tired he was. He should have been at home in his own bed, but he’d promised a patient that he would be here, so here he was.

“You look dead on your feet.  It’s really nice of you to wait for your patient to wake up.”

“Well, I promised.”  His face lit up with a wicked grin.  “Besides, I’ve got the next two days off.”

“Oh screw you, Holland.”  Time off was a rare and precious commodity and your next day off seemed a lifetime away.  You couldn’t even pretend not to be jealous.

Tom let out a chuckle as he flopped down next to you on the sofa.  “Sorry if I woke you up.”

“Don’t worry about it. The chances of me actually falling asleep were fairly slim anyway.”  You leaned your head against the back of the sofa.  “I’m just gonna rest my eyes for a few minutes though.”

“You don’t mind if I sit here with you, do you?” Tom asked.

“Of course not.”  You stifled a yawn with your hand as your eyes once again slid shut.

You awoke with a start.  You were slightly disoriented as your brain made the transition from sleeping to being fully conscious.  Your surroundings suddenly came into focus and you remembered that you were in the on-call room.  

What you were having more trouble comprehending was why there was an arm around your shoulders and whose warm solid chest your head was resting against.   You slowly sat up and looked up into the face of the person you’d been using as a pillow.

Tom grinned down at you.  “You’re awake.”

“I don’t even remember falling asleep.”

“You were out like a light about two seconds after you claimed you were just ‘resting your eyes’.  Next thing I knew your head had lolled over onto my shoulder.

“This is so embarrassing.”  Of all the people to fall asleep and probably drool on.  “Why didn’t you move me?”

Tom reached out and stroked a stray strand of hair off your forehead.  “I didn’t mind.”  It was such a simple gesture but it stirred something inside of you that you couldn’t explain.

You could blame sleep deprivation.  You could blame the fact that you hadn’t even been on a decent date, let alone had sex in far longer than you wanted to think about.  You could even blame the fact that you kind of, lowkey had a crush on him.

Whatever the reason, a switch had been flipped in your brain and suddenly, having Dr. Thomas Holland on top of you, inside of you seemed like the best idea in the world.  The lusty gaze in his dark eyes let you know that he had reached a similar conclusion.

Tom tore off his own t-shirt before making quick work of your clothes, as he pulled off your underwear and scrub bottoms and tossed them onto the floor.  He fished a condom out of his pocket and handed it to you before hurriedly shoving his jeans and boxer briefs down to his knees.

You licked your hand and pumped his cock a few times with your spit slicked palm before tearing the condom wrapper open with your teeth and rolling it smoothly down over his hardness.

Tom peppered kisses down your neck and across your exposed collarbones as he settled his slender hips between your open thighs and teased your clit with his cock; tapping against the swollen nub and making you squirm beneath him.  You gasped and dug your short blunt fingernails into the firm flesh of his lightly freckled shoulders as he finally slid inside your already slick walls.  He slowly pulled halfway out before thrusting back in and bottoming out.

You pulled his bottom lip between your teeth before sucking his tongue into your mouth, the two of you exchanging wet sloppy kisses as you tangled your fingers in his soft hair and pulled; the way he moaned against your lips let you know how much he liked it.

You wrapped your legs around his waist; your ankles crossed behind his back, locking him in place as he moved deep inside you.  

Tom buried his forehead against the crook of your neck as he took one of your hands in his and held it above your head; your fingers intertwined with his.  

You could feel him twitching inside of you and knew he was close.  You brought your free hand down between the two of you and started to rub your clit.  Tom’s strokes came harder and faster until all the tension that had been building in your body exploded; the fluttering and clenching of your wet inner walls spurring him right behind you into his own release.

The spasms in your body had barely subsided when you were brought out of your post coital bliss by the hospital’s blaring PA system.

“Dr. Holland, please report to 445-C.  Dr. Holland, you’re needed in 445-C.”

The loud announcement was like a splash of cold water to the face, bringing you back to your senses as your stomach dropped with the realization of what you had just done.

You’d just had sex with a colleague that in all honesty, you barely even knew.

You’d just had sex with a colleague that you barely even knew while you were at work and on duty.

You’d just had sex with a colleague that you barely even knew, while you were at work and on duty in a room with an unlocked door that anyone could have walked into at any time.

One quick glance at Tom’s face let you know that he was coming to the same realization.  He stood up and dropped the cum filled condom into the trash can before he hastily pulled up his boxers and jeans.  “That should be my patient, I need to go.”  He grabbed your scrubs and underwear off the floor and handed them to you.

Overcome with a sudden wave of modesty, you waited until he turned his back to put his shirt back on before you shimmied into your underwear.  You couldn’t help it  as you thought to yourself, ‘Is that it? Wham, bam and not even a thank you, ma’am?’

You were just about to step into your scrub bottoms when Tom turned back to you.  “What time are you off?”

You regarded him with a slightly suspicious expression on your face before answering.  “Two a.m. Why?”

“I was just wondering if you might like to grab a cup of coffee with me.”  When you didn’t answer right away, Tom raked his hand through his hair and shook his head. “Okay, that was really stupid. Last thing you probably want at two o’clock in the morning is a cup of coffee.”

You had never known Dr. Tom Holland to be anything less than confident so to see him like this, nervously asking you out for a cup of coffee, it was kind of endearing.

“Yes.”

He looked up, a grin growing across his face.  “Yes?”

“Yes, I’d love to get a cup of coffee with you.”

“Okay then.  Meet you back here in a few hours?”

“Sure, it’s a date.”  You instantly regretted the words as soon as they were out of your mouth. You didn’t want him to think you were trying to make this more than what it was.  You were wishing you could take the words back into your mouth when Tom flashed his beautiful smile at you.

“Yeah.  It’s a date.”

[muskywolfthings]

Scott was gross. He was a gross depraved perv, this he’d firmly established about the sixth or so time he’d done this- ignoring his internal monologue of what a creep he was as he swiped at a bit of nervous sweat on his forehead- swiping back his floppy bangs before tugging up Stiles’ window slowly. Cringing at the final creak it made, before slipping in and drawing the curtains quickly. Fist balled in the old scratchy linen as he breathed in through his nose first, and then his mouth- cock throbbing in his shorts as that all too familiar scent overtoom him again. The wolf in him clawing to the surface, and before he could stop himself, his claws were out. Golden eyes so bright their glow reflected back off the curtains as he opened his eyes again. Taking a deep breath, and grumbling unintelligible things to himself behind his fangs, slapping one hand over his mouth, and one over his cock as he turned and took in the sight before him. 

Whining into his palm, as he slid off his shoes and shuffled towards Stiles’ bed. Panting when he stood at the foot of it finally, just taking his best friend in. 

Stiles was...so, so fucking sexy. Scott couldn’t remember ever not thinking so. He’d been adorably dorky and sweet and cute for so long, and now he was just...fuck. Long limbs, and smooth skin, that ruch fucking scent that made his dick drool constantly. Seriously, it was becoming a very frustrating problem, mostly because Scott did this, so he knew what he was missing during school when they simply sat next to one another. Flashes of what he’d done the night before coming to him as he and Stiles discussed the most mundane things.  “Fuck,” Scott breathed, spreading his clawed hands out on either corner of the twin mattress, dipping his head down to take another deep breath of the ripe air around Stiles’ bed- fingers twitching as he moved on quicker than usual, resting one sure, strong hand against the other boys pale thigh. Smooth against Scott’s lacrosse calloused fingers. Stiles twitched in his sleep, but Scott’s touch was firm, no tickling- he’d practiced, and Stiles slept like the dead, so he was still as a stone a second later, and Scott leaned in. Eyes burning impossibly brighter as he ran his nose along the small cotton shorts Stiles had worn to sleep- nosing them up across his ass, and growling as he pulled them far enough up to find the strap of Stiles’ jockstrap. That’s why he smelled so fucking ripe- he hadn’t showered after practice.  Another deep breath. He’d most definitely not showered. He’d come home, stripped down, lain around for a couple hours- pissed twice, farted up a fucking storm, then slid on some shorts for god knows what reason- though Scott thanked god for them, because they were fucking adorable, and they made Stiles look so soft and literally /delicious/- then crashed. Whatever. Scott hadn’t showered in three days, and he wasn’t about to complain, because this is why he fucking loved Stiles. Apart from being the greatest friend in literally the entire world, he had to be the sexiest thing alive. His scent made his cock drop like a faucet, and his balls ache like they’d been punched- which wasn’t as unpleasant as he made it out to sound...he kind of digged it. Most of the time.  Careful of his claws, Scott ran his palms from the  sides of Stiles’ cheeks, down his thighs, calves, ankles, and bare feet. Dusted dirty from walking around for a couple hours without socks. They looked so hot though, cute pale toes all dirty and rank from being steamed in Stiles’ old cleats. Scott couldn’t help lifting up one of Stiles’ feet to lick at his toes- catching himself in the mirror over on the dresser, and releasing his cock from his shorts just for the image. He looked wild, feral: slobbering on Stiles’ dirty feet, fangs out, big crooked cock dripping onto the bed sheets. He snorted in pleasure, licking from Stiles’ heel to his toes and back again, while taking hold of the base of his cock and swinging it from side to side a bit. Just enjoying himself- switching to Stiles’ other foot soon, and using the spit slick one to rub against his balls and cock. Growling once he’d covered the other in spoit, because he had to go back and taste his own cock funk on Stiles’ toes, who wouldn’t? He could do this all night long, but he didn’t like to. An hour or two tops, just to get his fix, and go home and regret it after. Right now though, he was an animal in heat, and he needed to cum like his life depended on it.  Setting Stiles’ feet back down, he shuffled up onto the bed- kicking his shorts off fully, watching his cock bob above Stiles’ plump ass. Gripping at his hips, he hauled him up as best he could, taking his time as to not wake Stiles, until his knees were drawn in, and his ass propped up. Cheeks spreading beneath the fabric of his shorts, and that fresh funk Scott lived for began to seep through the cotton, and he growled. Taking a claw to slit the fabric down the middle, not thinking. Cursing himself after, but as soon as he’d spread the seam he’d made and caught sight of Stiles’ dirty hole, so pink and so tight between his smooth cheeks, his wold had taken over again. He’d...figure it out later. Totally. He huffed between Stiles’ cheeks like a madman, spreading them wide, keeping one ear out on the boys heartbeat as he stroked his cock, smacked his balls, pinched his foreskin- the whole nine yards, while filling his lungs with Stiles’ ripe ass stink. He wished Stiles farted in his sleep as much as Scott did. Fuck, how amazing would it be if he just blasted one right on Scott’s greedy nose? Fuck...fuck. Scott panted, stroking his cock harder, as he leaned in finally and slide his tongue flat over Stiles’ hole. Watching the boy switch, and lean back into it- gripping his pillows tighter, and drooling a bit as he no doubt slid into a wet dream. God he was hot. Scott ate Stiles out like a mad man, fucking into his fist like a dog as he lapped up every lat bit of funk from his best friends hole. Pressing his nose to the tight pink pucker periodically to scent his progress. Going down every so often to nose at the boys taint, and tight little balls. Fuzzy, tickling his nose, drawing a quiet giggle from Scott as he did so. He was a perv. A fucking gross perv, but he couldn’t hold back. Pressing his nose into Stiles’ hole once more, mouth open, he gripped Stiles’ cheek almost too roughly- cumming across his bare feet, he’d crossed at the ankle below his cock specifically to coat them so he could lick them clean lazily before leaving. The room was hot, the scent of his own dirty ass throwing him further into the depths of his orgasm, as he coated Stiles’ feet, and his sheets. Jesus, his feet looked like they;’d been dipped in a bucket of cum. Fuck. Scott wrung his cock dry, the last dribbles of musky teen cum sliding down his cock and hanging off his hairy nuts. He sat like that for a solid minute or two, about to flip over and catch his breath, when a throat clearing behind him had him tensing and throwing himself across the room. Still mindful of his sleeping best friend, but now even more so of the bright red eyes of the man standing in the open window. Moonlight spilling around him like a fucking painting. If Stiles were awake to see it, he’d call Derek’s thatrics for entrances unholy. Scott most definitely agreed.  “What are you doing here?” They said in unison, Derek’s tone a mix of bored and authoritative, Scott’s verging on panic attack territory- though they were both hushed, barely even whispers, though to their senses their voices were like nails on a fucking chalkboard. Derek eyed Scott’s wet hanging cock and balls with a raised brow- the boy frowning and crossing his arms, holding his ground, because as far as he was concerned, this was his best friends house. He had to protect it. What business did Derek have here anyways? It was the middle of the night? Fucking creepo. “None of your business,” Scott mumbled, shrugging his shoulders, gulping audibly when Derek glanced over at Stiles, and huffed under his breath- the bulge in his too-tight jeans becoming obvious as it throbbed, and the scent of his musky sex caught Scott’s nose, his mouth watering- cock twitching back to life despite himself. He didn’t even like Derek! What the fuck?  “Do you...do you do this too?” Scott questioned suddenly, watching as Derek’s confident demeanor shifted into that of a suspicious murder suspect- guilt glinting in his red eyes, mouth curving down into a crooked frown slash smirk. “What if I do? You gonna tell him?” Derek challenged, clearing his throat again and gesturing off to Stiles, still snoring. Jesus.  “Not...not if you don’t,” He was nervous, but still really turned on, though his conscious was starting to take over again, that tight coil of guilt in his gut twisting up. Both he and Derek looked about to tuck tail and just run for the hills, forget this ever happened, or maybe start sucking each other off- who knew, but both their backs went rigid, and they froze as though they wouldn’t be seen if they stood very still as Stiles grumbled, let out a sleepy sigh, and reached back. Fumbling with his shorts, frowning against his pillow at the cut, then feeling the slickness between his cheeks- curling his sticky, cum covered toes together, and grinning sleepily. He peeked one eye open, glancing over his shoulder, first at Scott, then at Derek, then back again. Scott about ready to piss himself as Stiles sized them both up, before shaking his head and reaching back to tear his shorts the rest of the way open. Smacking on of his cheeks playfully, before spreading them open- biting his lip as the cool night air blew through the window and over his wet hole. “One of you better get your tongue back in my ass, since you doucholes woke me up. It’s bumfuck O’clock and I wanna go back to sleep.” Either Stiles had suffered a mental break in his sleep, had known about this all along, or Scott had been shot by the sheriff, having been caught in the act, and was now in heaven. Either way he scrambled internally to process what was happening, tripping over his feet as Derek caught on quicker- still tense, and nervous, but not about to turn down the opportunity to get a taste of Stiles’ hole. Still dripping with Scott’s spit, which added an even better taste. His beard scraping against Stiles’ cheeks as he dove his tongue into his slightly fucked out hole- moaning openly now that he could, an Alpha, though the sound was as pitiful as a bitch in heat. Stiles grinned, watching as Scott lingered near the bed- reaching up to pull him down into a soft, sleepy kiss- the other boys lips still and surprised, before he gave in and slid his tongue between Stiles’ lips. Swirling it around his best friends as Derek feasted on his hole- pulling back finally for a breath, and a smile- Stiles matching it. Carding his fingers up into Scott’s sweaty mop of hair, and pushing him down to join Derek between his cheeks. Content to shake his ass teasingly against them as they fought to rim him at the same time. They could talk about this in the morning. With lots of coffee, and lots of bacon. Then maybe Stiles could convince them he was owed a taste of them too Especially their asses.

[teacup-of-stars]

Here Goes

Pairing: Kylo Ren x Armitage Hux

Genre/Warnings: Hurt/comfort, romance, fluff, m/m pairing

Words: 4276

           Summary- After the destruction of Starkiller Ren goes to Supreme Leader Snoke for training and punishment. He returns to the Finalizer in less than perfect shape. Fluff, hurt Ren, lots of domestic awkwardness.

Note: Sometimes I write things. Sometimes I like them enough to post them.

Well, Here We Go Now We- Oh No I Know-This Something Is Here Goes- Here Goes Guess So It's Starting To Who Knows Who Knows Who Knows Where Who Goes There Who Knows Here Goes Trusting Desire - Starting To Learn Walking Through Fire Without A Burn Clinging - A Shoulder, A Leap Begins Stinging And Older, Asleep On Pins So Here We Go 'I Should Tell You', RENT

General Armitage Hux was known throughout the galaxy as a man who was fully in control. His demeanor was always calm and cool he rarely-if ever-got flustered or lost his temper even in the most dire of circumstances. He prided himself on that fact, particularly because his.....co-commander (and hells did he hate sharing command of anything) was a trying, quick-tempered, man-child at the best of times. The destruction of Starkiller had brought them closer. Closer than he would have predicted or imagined. Apparently receiving near fatal injuries and watching years of your planning and literal blood, sweat, and tears explode could force two men who normally fought like two nexus caught in bag (with more snark and veiled threats) to reach a point where they were both too exhausted and drained to do anything but care about one another. Which lead Hux to his currently position of feeling far less than calm and cool and collected. They had dropped Kylo Ren to Snoke nearly three weeks ago to "further his training". Snoke had not been pleased with his apprentice and there had been raw fear in Ren's eyes as he left to see his Master. Hux had tried to be as diplomatic as possible when he spoke to Supreme Leader Snoke, tried to express his concerns that with only a month past since the Starkiller incident Ren's injuries were just beginning to heal and his body was not up to such rigorous activities just yet, but Snoke would hear nothing of it and Ren had told Armitage with no more than a look to shut up before Snoke turned his anger on him. Kylo had nodded his head with a low, "Yes Master Snoke," before the transmission cut and Ren turned his frustration on Hux, tearing off his helmet (apparently he owned more than one of those blasted things) and telling him in no uncertain terms to shut up around Snoke if he wanted to live to see his 35th birthday and just let him absorb the anger because he was far more likely to survive it. That was 23 days ago. They had left Ren with Snoke 19 days ago and Hux could feel the anxiety pooling in his stomach getting worse with every day he wasn't on the ship. Currently he was sitting in his quarters, leg bouncing, untouched drink in his hand. Phasma was leaning against the wall, out of uniform, her own glass of Corellian Brandy in her hand, "We pick him up in 6 hours."

Hux nodded, "I'm aware." Phasma ran a hand through her short blonde hair and turned the empty desk chair around so she could sit on it backwards, legs splayed, crossed arms resting loosely over the back, "Snoke won't have gone easy on him. I wonder what shape he'll be in. I don't know anything about force-users myself but you hear rumors. Apparently the knight training is brutal. Barbaric even. Most don't survive it." Hux leveled a glare at one of his oldest military friends, "Is this supposed to be helping?" Phasma shrugged one shoulder apologetically, "Sorry. Its just rumors anyway. You know how those get blown out of proportion." Hux stayed stubbornly silent and glared daggers at the glass he was holding, leg still bouncing with nervous energy. Phasma sighed, "Look Hux. I won't pretend he'll walk back on the ship fine. You know it, I know it. But Snoke won't kill him. Ren is too valuable. Too powerful an asset to throw away right now especially. He's even putting him back on the ship so we can be errand boys and run on wild bantha chases for a map that probably doesn't even have valuable information in it." Hux let out a breath of frustration, "I know Snoke won't kill him but he wasn't healed enough to be doing training of any kind and....." "And the past month you two got past the sexual tension we were all sick of watching-thank you by the way for making me lose the betting pool-and you're worried about him because you care," Phasma finished for him before draining her glass. Hux gave her an icy glare and took a slow deliberate drink, "Watch yourself Captain." Phasma stood and turned the chair around to push it back into the desk where it belonged, "Finish your drink and get out on the bridge so you can yell orders at your officers. I'm going to go get in uniform." Phasma paused at the door before opening it, "He'll be all right Hux. And if he's not we take him to medical and we figure it out from there." Hux sighed before draining his glass and getting to his feet. He had a ship to run. Six hours and thirteen minutes later General Hux stood at the entrance to the hanger waiting for Lord Kylo Ren's vessel to dock. Behind him stood Captain Phasma, once again in her full armor, 5 of her best troopers flanking her at perfect attention. Hux tried to suppress his annoyance, punctuality was something he valued highly and was something Ren couldn't care less about. Finally however the black transporter docked and the ramp lowered. Hux pressed down his anxiety firmly and waited as Ren walked down it, followed by four troopers that had accompanied him back. He moved slower and lacked his usual sweeping grace but the knight was standing on his own two feet without assistance which he hoped to be a good sign. General Hux moved forward, "Welcome back Lord Ren." Ren approached the group slowly and Hux could see the way he was trying not to favor his right side and hide the persistent tremor in his hands, "General Hux." Hux attempted not to frown in irritation, he hated that stupid bucket and it's equally stupid voice modulator, "I shall escort you to your rooms." He kept his pace and could hear the quiet, near panting breaths Ren was releasing with every step. Phasma and her troops made it to the start of the living quarters before halting in near perfect symmetry, "General. Lord Ren." Hux nodded sharply at her, "Dismissed Captain. If I am needed you can comm me." Phasma nodded back and swept back to the deck, troopers following obediently behind. Once he was sure they were out of earshot Hux touched Ren's elbow lightly, "Are you all right?" Ren nodded, breath still coming in quiet pants. Hux gave him a look, "I hate that stupid thing. Take it off so I can speak to you properly please." Ren gave a quiet breathy chuckle and reached up to release the helmet, the tremor in his hands becoming far more noticeable. Once the helmet was off and Hux could look at him proper his stomach twisted unpleasantly. Ren was grey, eyes heavily bruised and sunken, a fine sheen of sweat on his temples from no doubt exhaustion or pain. Hux pressed his lips together in a thin line, "My quarters are closer. What did he do to you?" Ren gave a barely perceptible shake of his head before taking a step, legs nearly giving out from under him. Hux got firm grasp on his arm and helped him down the corridor to where his living quarters were, punching in the code for the door with far more force than was necessary. Once inside he steered him toward the bed when Ren gracefully withstood his legs collapsing on him. Hux took the helmet from his shaking hands and tossed the thing to the corner, "What do you need? Do you need a medical droid?" Ren shook his head, still out of breath from exertion, "I'm fine." Hux snorted, "Ha." Ren smirked, "That was a fake laugh." Hux rolled his eyes, "That laugh was totally real, thank you, and you are anything but fine at the moment. What did he do?" Ren closed his eyes and tilted his head back with a sigh, "Master Snoke, after reviewing my memories of the battle felt some time in the Depravation Chamber was needed for me." Hux felt his brow furrow in mild horror, "I don't think I want to know but what is a depravation chamber?" Ren's eyes stayed closed, head still tilted back, "Exactly what it sounds like. The Knights of Ren and previously the Sith used them. It's a chamber underground. You get locked in until you reach the point you need to. No food, no water, no sound, no light. You meditate and when you emerge your connection with the Force is stronger than it had been previously. Honestly 17 days in there is nothing compared to the lengths I was in there when I started my training but my body wasn't quite....healed enough for the strain yet I guess." Hux tried to keep the horror he felt from showing on his face, "When....when were you released?" "Yesterday. Master Snoke delivered the second half of his punishment after reviewing my mind to see what vision I had while in the chamber." Hux stayed silent for a long moment before working up his internal courage to ask, "What was the punishment?" Ren smirked dryly and it had zero humor to it, "Master Snoke made it very clear with the Force that I was not to fail him like that again." Hux sat heavily on the bed next to him and gave into temptation, pulling Ren to him tightly. He could feel the knight's arms go around his waist, still shaking with exhaustion, "What do you need?" Ren's voice was muffled against his shoulder, "Rest. I need to sleep. Food would be wonderful. Water. Or tea." Hux let his hand drift up to comb his finger through the thick dark locks of hair, "You're freezing." Ren nodded against him, seemingly too exhausted or too comfortable or a mix of the two to raise his head from Hux's shoulder. Armitage let them sit them for a few long moments before he felt Ren's breaths even out from quiet pants to something steadier and slower, "Ren. You can't fall asleep sitting up like this. You need to shower and get into something more comfortable. I want to look at you side. How is it feeling?" Ren grunted slowly, "Hurts." Hux let him cling for another long moment before nudging him up gently, "Come on. You're going to go shower. I'm going to go get a pair of your pajama bottoms and something for you to eat." Ren huffed and lifted his head, allowing Hux to stand first. The dark haired knight slowly rose to his feet with a wince and swayed for a moment before steadying. Hux kept a hand ready behind him for a moment in case his legs gave out but Ren stayed on his feet determinedly. Hux looked him over again, his skin was still pale grey with fatigue with the exception of the slightly less pink scar bisecting his face, his eyes were sunken and deep purple bruises and he looked exhausted and heartbreakingly young. Hux reached up to gently pull him down, kissing him softly before leaning his forehead against his, "Shower. Then food and sleep." Ren closed his eyes and nodded, Hux reluctantly letting him go. Once he could hear the shower running Hux swept out the room briskly sending an order to the kitchens for tea and something mild that didn't completely taste terrible on his holopad. Reaching the room Ren had been staying in during his time aboard the Finalizer Hux punched in the officer override code on the door, causing it to slide open. Hux stepped inside slowly, realizing distantly that he had never actually been inside Kylo's room. Before the destruction of Starkiller he had never had cause to and after the development of their relationship Ren left to go back to his quarters or he slept in Hux's. Hux could see why. The room was dark and barren. While Hux never considered himself lavish and hated overabundance, he understood the desire to have a place to be comfortable in at the end of the day. Ren didn't even own a bed, just a hard mat on the floor with a blanket and a pillow that looked sad with how flat it was. There was a small mat in the corner, most likely used for meditation and the closet was only half filled with more of the same black armored getup he normally wore. The top drawer of the dresser had maybe six pairs of linen pants and a few blacks shirts. The drawer under that had two pairs of threadbare but very soft and well worn pajama bottoms. The third drawer held nothing. Hux made a face, "I've heard Jedi deny themselves basic earthly comforts but this is ridiculous!" "He's not a Jedi," A little voice in the back of his head that sounded suspiciously like Ren reminded him. Hux grabbed a pair of the pajama bottoms and punched in a code on the comm link in the wall near the door, "This is General Hux. I need a few droids to come move Lord Ren's things. He will be staying in my quarters for the foreseeable future while he recovers from his training." A mechanical voice replied back dutifully, "Roger sir." Hux stalked back to his quarters where a small droid was waiting patiently with a steaming pot of tea and what the kitchens claimed to be their version of Endorian chicken soup. Taking the tray and dismissing the droid that beeped pleasantly before rolling away, Hux tossed the pants over one shoulder and punched in his key code, stepping inside the room when the door slid open. Pathetic soft meowing greeted him and Hux smiled as he set the tray down on his desk, sitting down in the chair at it, "Come to deign us with your presence at last Millie, hm?" The orange tabby sat in front of the closed 'fresher door and mrrowed unhappily before pawing lightly at it. Hux gave her a look, "Yes, yes, your favorite person in the galaxy has returned. Never mind that I own you, right?" Millicent blinked large green eyes at him before mewing louder and pawing at the door again. Hux sighed, "Ren has had a tough few days Mils. Let's give him a little space, hm?" The tabby ignored him and continued to wait for the 'fresher door to open, occasionally trying to stick a paw under it. Hux waited until he heard the shower stop before standing, pajama pants still tossed over one shoulder, and picking up Millicent so she wouldn't bolt through the door when he opened it, Hux allowed the door to slid open a crack and knocked softly, "You have food and tea waiting out here for you. I'm leaving the pants on the sink." Hux shut the door again and put Millicent down, the cat giving him a dirty look, "Don't look at me like that. You're not going in there while he's showering. I don't like when you do that when I'm showering." Millicent meowed at him and stalked haughtily back under his bed. Hux sat back at his desk and flipped through a few reports on his holopad before the 'fresher door opened and Ren walked out, shirtless, damp, and towel drying his hair. Ren all but stumbled to the other desk chair and sat heavily, eyes barely opened. Hux pushed the tray toward him, "You're going to eat that." Ren gave it a disdainful look, "I hate space food. It tastes like cardboard and salt." Hux rolled his eyes, "It does not. You're just a picky eater." Kylo poured some of the tea into a mug, "Forgive me for liking flavor with my food." Hux opened his holopad again, "Drink your tea." A few minutes of companionable silence passed with Hux sneaking the occasional look to assure Ren was actually eating before the knight spoke, "Don't you have a ship to run and people to scream orders at?" Hux gave him a look, "I do not scream orders. I announce them precisely and expect them to be followed. And Admiral Bridges is running the deck. If he can't handle things for the moment then I clearly haven't been doing my job properly." Ren finished the last of his tea, leaving half his soup still in the bowl, "I need sleep." Hux stood, "You're sleeping here. I saw that pathetic excuse for a room you were staying in. You're hardly in any shape to be sleeping on the ground. I've seen prisoners who have more comfortable arrangements." Ren looked too tired to argue the point, "A Jedi doesn't believe in worldly comforts. A Sith believes pain can strength power. A Knight of Ren uses both aspects." Hux stepped forward, running his hands gently through Kylo's mess of dark curls, "You're not sleeping on the floor. You're going to sleep in my bed after I take a look at your side." The wound was still raw and painful looking, clearly having lost much of the healing progress it had made before Ren was swept off for training. He hissed softly when Hux touched it and Hux murmured an apology before straightening, "Come on. Bed." Kylo allowed himself to be gently bullied to the bed and all but fell onto it, burying his face in one of the pillows. Hux sat on the edge of the bed and ran a hand through his hair, content to touch again when a soft head pushed Hux's hand away from Kylo firmly. Hux stared down his cat slightly annoyed. Ever since Ren had first met the beast after Starkiller Millicent had claimed the knight as her favorite. Hux was her everything, unless Ren entered the room and it became a tug of war over the Force-user. Millicent made to climb onto Ren's back and curl up like she often did at night with Hux but he plucked her away before she could put a paw down, "Ah ah. No. You may say hello but you are not climbing on him." Millie seemed to understand and wiggled to be put down, purring loudly and bashing her head against Ren's own head and hand, eager for attention. Ren ruefully scratched her behind an ear, "If only you knew how much I utterly despised cats." Hux rolled his eyes good-naturedly, "You say that and yet I never see you pushing her away." Ren rubbed a hand down Millicent's back, "The only good cat is a dead cat. Except this one. This one isn't half bad." Hux reached out and scratched Millicent under the chin, a hint of fond sarcasm in his voice, "You hear that Mils? Lord Kylo Ren likes you. You should be honored." Ren grunted, "I never said I liked her. Just that I could stand her." Hux raised a single brow and looked down at him, "Evidence points to the contrary, Ren." Ren lifted his head and looked with betrayal at his hand that was still petting Millicent with something akin to fondness. Hux withheld his own smile and buried his hand in Kylo's thick mess of dark hair, enjoying the sight of the famed head of the Knights of Ren go boneless and languid with relaxation, tension seeping out of his shoulders as he seemed to sink further into the bed. Hux smirked, "You're a bit like a cat yourself." Ren didn't even lift his head from his arms, "Am not." Hux stopped petting his hair but kept his hand where it was. Almost subconsciously Ren started moving his head slowly, trying to encourage the soothing motion again. Hux obliged and his smirk grew, "Are too." Within a few short minutes Kylo was limp and heavy, completely dead to the world, Millicent curled up happily pressed against his arms. Hux watched him sleep before snapping himself out of his daze and standing. He grabbed one the thick and warm extra blankets from the closet shelf and spread it over Ren's sleeping form, the Force-user not even shifting he was so deep in sleep. Hux gave him a fond look before running a gentle hand over his head and leaving his quarters, turning down the lights as he left. Phasma was waiting for him at the end of the hall, helmet tucked firmly under one arm, "How is he?" Hux shook his head and kept his voice low, "Sleeping now. This cannot continue. Knowing that this has been happening all this time....his body can't withstand this much. It shouldn't have to withstand this much." Phasma kept pace with him and stayed silent, patiently waiting for the general to finish his thoughts. Hux sighed, "Snoke cannot continue this. Ren is one of the most powerful weapons we have at our disposal and breaking down his body again and again makes no sense from a military standpoint." Phasma nodded, "I agree. So what do we do?" Hux sighed heavier, "I wish I knew." Four hours later General Armitage Hux headed back to his room for the end of the cycle, mind still running with thoughts of Snoke and the man most likely still asleep in his bed. Outside Hux's quarters three small droids were waiting, Ren's things piled on top. The one in front gave a long beep and Hux punched in his personal code so the door slid open, "Just put them down by the desk. Ren can figure out where he wants to put everything himself." The droids beeped in confirmation and rolled inside, mechanical arms lowering items to the floor and on the desk itself. Millicent sat up with a stretch and hopped down, pawing at the bottom of one of the droids. Once Kylo's meager belongings were down the droids beeped at Hux and rolled toward the door. Hux nodded at them, "That will be all. Thank you." Another beep and they rolled out, the door sliding closed behind them. Hux turned around and was met with a pair of barely opened, dark brown sleepy eyes, "Did they wake you?" Ren's voice was slurred with the heaviness of someone who was still mostly asleep, "'s fine." He blinked a few times before pushing up slowly with a wince as his side pulled and his muscles ached. Hux looked him over with a concerned eye. Ren was still grey, eyes still sunken but the purple color around them had lessened some which was an improvement, "You should eat something and go back to sleep." Ren stared at the desk that contained all of his belongings for a long moment, sleep addled brain struggling to catch up, "...........is that my stuff?" Hux turned to his closet, pulling off his gloves as he went, "Yes. I told you that you were going to be sleeping here." Ren took a moment to process that, "I thought you meant for a nap. Not permanently." Hux could feel his cheeks flush and purposely kept his back to Ren, "Well....I assumed....Your quarters were unfit for recovery as it is and considering you slept here previously the past few weeks...." He could feel Ren's surprised pleasure bleed into his mind and finally Hux turned. The tips of Ren's ears were flushed as were the tops of his impossibly high cheekbones. He had a soft, almost shocked look in his eyes and the startings of a smile pulling at the corner of his mouth. Hux stared at him for a long moment before clearing his throat embarrassed, "Yes. Well. Can't have you sleeping on a mat on the floor. You can put your things on the other side of the closet. Do you own anything that isn't black?" Ren got to his feet with a hiss of pain but stayed steady, not wavering like he had previous, "No." Hux rolled his eyes and grabbed his pajamas from one of the drawers before heading into the 'fresher, "I'm going to shower. Order something for dinner for us and then you need to go back to sleep." A few hours later saw a few finished dinner plates sat on the desk, the lights in the room dimmed to give the illusion of late evening/early night, a purring Millicent curled up inside on of Kylo Ren's upturned helmets in the open closet. Hux sat on his bed leaned against the wall, legs stretched out in front of him, doing paperwork of his holopad while mindlessly petting the dark head sleeping soundly in his lap. Ren had fallen back almost instantly, speaking to how utterly exhausted he must truly be. Hux looked at the dirty dishes sitting on his desk, knowing he should send them to be cleaned before glancing down at the man on his lap with a sigh. "I suppose the dishes can wait," He murmured, firmly ignoring the happy twist his stomach did at the sight of a peacefully sleeping Kylo Ren. Hux let out a huff of frustrated breath and scrubbed his hand over his face, "You're making me weak Ren." With a sigh of defeat Hux relaxed against the wall and returned to his holopad, hand once again coming back to the head asleep on him, "Let's hope I don't come to regret it."

[lovehotelreservation]

Guilty As Charged - Prostitution

Summary: Somehow you weren’t surprised that Mishima would be into maids, which in turn you didn’t mind much since he was your high school crush. You also didn’t mind him hiring you to be his personal maid to tidy up his room. Even if he was consistently making a mess of himself because of you.

Rating: NC-17

Pairing: Reader/Mishima

SO MANY LEWDS WITH SO MANY DUDES. THIS FAFFERY’S BEEN A TRIP ALL RIGHT

And so we begin a new week of Faffery, this time with all one-shots inspired by Chairlift’s “Guilty As Charged!” I hope you enjoy Mishima today, and the one-shots that are to follow~!

----------------

This room. This bedroom.

Clean. Spotless.

You did your job well, frilly uniform and all.

But there was one place in the bedroom that remained filthy. No matter how much effort you put into removing the grime, the scum, the dirtiness stayed.

This part of the bedroom was the bed, whereupon your master--well, for as long as he could continue to hire you full-time as his personal maid despite being a college student--was sitting while watching, ogling at you clean his room. But he wasn't merely spectating, as evidenced by the quick, rhythmic slapping noise that he made while jerking himself off furiously.

He was just wondering how far he could go with you, while offering however much you wanted in exchange.

Though, the fact that he attended the same college as you made him hesitant to go any further than indulging in his maid fetish. While you appreciated him drawing the line in some regard, you really wouldn't have minded going further with him.

Yuuki Mishima was your high school crush.

But you didn't want to get too deep into reminiscing. Not when you literally had him within your grasp.

You continued to straddle his hips, your palms resting against his chest, remaining as still as possible while his hands roamed over your body. The few thousand yen bills haphazardly thrown to where your bag was currently situated on his nightstand allowed him to do so.

Love didn't pay loans, after all.

Though, feeling his need by the way he desperately pawed at you through your uniform was making you consider taking this session on the house. Between your thighs, you could feel the outline of his erect cock and how it pressed and rubbed against you. He had been at this for not even that long and you were already drenched.

Your sessions never gone beyond you legitimately cleaning his room while he masturbated to the sight of you. The only difference today was that you chose to not wear underwear. Since the two of you were both on summer break, you thought you could mention an undisclosed offer that was exclusive just for him.

He saw the bait and bit down viciously hard.

Which, on that regard, your teeth happened to sink down onto your bottom lip as you felt Mishima's hands quickly reach for the top of your white thigh-high socks, only to shove themselves up your dress to seize and grope your ass. The suddenness of his action made it hard for you to hide back a noise, the gasp you let out causing him to gulp hard, even as he continued to fondle your warm skin.

As per your job description, you were just here to clean and adhere to any requests that were legal and morally correct. Though, with the obvious implication of "Maids that do anything for you", you've heard plenty of stories from your co-workers of them doing more than simply scrubbing the floor for their masters.

Thus, while you regained your composure, your eyes scanned to the side of the bed, where crumpled balls of used, sticky tissues laid around a now empty container box. You gazed down at him warmly, your smile innocent even as your voice was sultry, "So many tissues~ Master Mishima, you're really dirty, huh?"

The effect of you calling him out for his depravity only stoked his neediness. Shuddering, he gave your ass another squeeze, keeping you still as he lifted his hips up to grind up against your pelvis. "W-What about it?! I really...I really am, but...I can't help myself! Not while you're here!"

You refrained from whimpering and pressing your hips down onto his. If things were to progress any further, you wanted him to make the first move. All those days spent pining after him from afar--now you had the upper hand in making him whine and plead for you.

Not to mention you wanted to cover your rent payment for the month.

However, before more could be done, or said, the alarm for your phone went off, signaling that your session had come to an end.

Whatever teasing quip you were to make--especially for the sake of masking your own disappointment--was silenced but the panicky cry of Mishima.

"W-Wait! Can I...can I just...put it inside you now? I'll pay double-- triple, whatever you want! I just...I just need to fuck you right now...! Please! If you leave now, I'll go mad!"

He was blabbering, his face looking so red and hot, his eyes reflecting nothing but earnest desire and need. It was a pitiful sight, coming from your senpai, who you looked up to and fawned over so much.

You absolutely loved it.

Your hands moved from his chest to his face. Cradling his soft cheeks, you smiled sweetly towards him as you chirped, "Please do whatever you wish! I'm more than happy to go overtime for you, Master Mishi--! M-Ma!"

To find yourself suddenly flipped around with him situated right above you surprised--and thrilled--you to say the least. But you were all for him taking charge, beyond just stammering over his words while shyly asking if you could sweep over his game consoles, of which doing so carried the implication of bending over to do so.

Now, however, he was lost to temptation, throwing his entire wallet at your bag, just before he tore off his belt and shoved down his pants and boxers in his frantic need to be inside of you.

You wished to admire and marvel at his cock further once it sprang free from their confines--so many hours spent fantasizing over it--but you were fine with him instead sheathing it deep within your wet, slick core once he seized your thighs to part them wide. The breathless groan he let out as your warmth enveloped around him was an embodiment euphoria in of itself.

As your hands quickly clutched at the sheets beneath your body, you cracked an amused smile as you noted, "M-My, so eager, aren't we Master Mishima? Did I fluster you this much--?"

Goodness he was in the mood to interrupt you, by how he leaned down to claim your mouth in a longing kiss. This tenderness contrasted with him proceeding to pound his cock into you without any intent of stopping. Against the frilliness of your maid uniform, he remained above you while working himself into a frantic fervor. He was moving so quickly inside of you, the sound of his hips meeting yours with balls slapping against your ass near unfathomable with his hurried rhythm.

One arm wrapped around your body to hug you close while the other sought out your chest--namely whatever he could tear at to open your uniform and have access to your skin. But he was in no hurry--for once--for as long as he could at least grope you through your clothes was enough for now, as he was much too entrenched in fucking you vigorously to regard anything else.

This was all better than you could have ever imagined. From when you were giddy at the idea of him linking fingers with you in public to him just absolutely ravaging you to this extent, you felt smothered, overwhelmed by his passion.

And you craved more.

Though, from how you could feel Mishima's cock throb within you, it was clear that you would have to look forward to another time--not that you would mind that scenario.

The kiss that the both of you have been sharing, which only grew sloppier as things between you both progressed, was broken. Instead, Mishima buried his face in your neck, the hand on your chest moving to then wrap around your body as well, now encircling you as much as he possibly could.

And then he said your name.

"I love you!" Mishima cried out while squeezing you tight, all the while his cock thrust into you shallowly as his hot seed poured into you in spurts.

As if your face wasn't hot already.

"A-Ah god...! I love you too, Mishima!" You mewled loudly while arching up into his body, your hands flying up from the bed to embrace him, all while your core squeezed around his cock in a further effort to milk as much out of him as you could.

The two of you lied upon his bed, no words said, just exchanging nothing else but ragged breaths and racing heartbeats. You remained in each other's arms, neither of you wanting to let go.

Not now.

Not even in five minutes.

Not even an hour from now.

Or longer.

Though, given by what was last said, you thought to bring it up--how could you not? Your lips moved over towards his cheek, getting the attention of your master.

Or rather, Yuuki Mishima, who you admired so.

"Hm?" He faced you directly, still not quite fully processing what the two of you just did, what he was in such demand for.

"So then, what was that about love?" You queried, your eyes twinkling and your lips curling in a wide grin.

Mishima became flustered once again.

He had a lot to say to you tonight.

[paraseekersuk]

Cathedral Quarter, Belfast

Cathedral Quarter has a dark, unspoken past that many would prefer to leave buried. Some of Belfast's oldest buildings and thoroughfares lie here.Named after St. Anne's Cathedral, which lies at its heart, Cathedral Quarter was once the center of Belfast's trade and warehousing district. It was built on the sweat and backbones of linen workers and shipbuilders who helped to make this part of the city thrive, then were left to wallow in their own poverty-stricken lives once the industry owners were done with them.Today, artists and photographers travel through Cathedral Quarter for its beauty. Tourists come for the culture. But of course, this all came after.After the immigrants came. After they died. After the run down area behind St. Anne's, known as "Half Bap," has long since disappeared.For 100 years the Half Bap stood. It was, literally, forgotten and wasted land. In the 1890's, a redevelopment of Belfast's streets was underway. The planning commission did not fully consider how they could demolish old streets while building new ones. What resulted was a considerable piece of wasted ground, which became Belfast's first roundabout. The locals decided its shape was exactly like that of baker Barney Hughes' famous "Half Bap" bread, and so the land was so named.It was in this area, near the dilapidated Little Patrick Street and its neighboring blocks that the Italian immigrants settled. It was close to the Belfast docks, which was their port of entry into Belfast, and the accommodations, though unsavory, were also inexpensive. The area was dubbed "Little Italy," and it was populated with people who were not afraid of hard work.Unfortunately for them, there were more than enough shop owners willing to exploit just such a people. These immigrants lived and died for their families, but some of them died much harsher deaths than others. Some of them still walk the streets they once lived on, unable to move away from the place they called home for so long, or the depravity they had grown soaccustomed to. These are their stories, as told by the people who have encountered them. Most of these stories come from residents of the area who were just going about a normal day, when something unexpected happened which changed them forever.I work at a well-known hotel in the Belfast Cathedral Quarter. I never believed in ghosts growing up, but I saw something once that changed my mind. It has given me nightmares every night since it happened.I was finishing my shift at the hotel. It was in the early hours ofSaturday morning. The sun had just started to peek over the horizon and I was dead tired. I hated working night shifts but they paid better than the day ones. I left the hotel and walked towards St. Anne’s Square car park, anxious to get home. The cobbled stones of Hill Street make an odd, hollow soundwhenever you walk on them. In one way, it's sort of comforting, because the sound is always the same. In another way, it always gives me the shivers,because the sounds seem far away somehow, even though they're coming from right beneath your feet.I walked past the Harp Bar, which is always popular on a Saturday night. Being just after a dawn, however, it was now deserted. I was alone on the street. At least, I'd thought I was. Suddenly, I noticed a bearded man dressed all in black at the junction of Gordon Street. It seemed like he'd appeared out of nowhere. I hadn't seen him when I was walking up the street,though, to be fair, I had been sort of lost in my sleep deprived thoughts. He was standing in the distance, leaning against the wall and smoking a cigarette.Something about him didn’t seem right, but I couldn't place my finger on exactly what it was. As I walked past him, he looked over at me and I noticed he was wearing some sort of costume. I would compare what he was wearing to like something you would see on Game Of Thrones. He had ascraggly beard and strange eyes.For some reason, I couldn’t take my eyes off him. His skin was oddly pale. His eyes were a dark brown, almost black, with flecks of gold filigree shining in them like he was being lit from within. As I stared at him, he threw his cigarette on the ground and walked off down Gordon Street. I watched in shock as he disappeared into the wall besides the Oh Yeah Music Centre. Icannot explain it in another way, he just seemed to merge into the wall and vanish. After that, I'd look for him every time I left work after working a night shift, but I've never seen him again.St. Anne's Cathedral is where I worship each Sunday. I just love the architecture of the building and the history of the place. One day, when I was leaving after mass, I decided not to go home right away. It was a nice day outside. Winter had just ended and I hadn't felt a fresh breeze on my face inso long that I wanted to make it last. So I decided to walk around Cathedral Quarter and see what vendors were out.There was nothing odd about the day. There were lots of people around and I enjoyed walking amongst them, looking into the shops and so forth. I rounded the corner behind St. Anne's that used to be Half Bap. I was on Talbot Street, just walking around and soaking in the sun, when I heardsomeone calling me."Theresa."I turned to see who it was, thinking one of my friends from church had spotted me and wanted to chat a little. The stones I was walking on suddenly felt unsteady beneath my feet. The air around me felt lighter, as if it could lift me off the ground like I was a balloon. I couldn't feel the sun on my faceanymore, only a damp mist. I was fifty at the time and my first thought was that I was having a heart attack. I remember this thick beam of sunlight shining down onto the stone street, reflecting off of it and burning my eyes.Out of that light, a man stepped forward. He had a thick, brown mustache and wore a white apron. He was about seventy or so, and he smiled at me with bad teeth and wrinkled skin. "Theresa," he said again, and I realized he had a thick, Italian accent. I don't know how I had missed it thefirst time, it was unmistakable."Theresa, are you hungry?" he asked, holding out a bright, shiny orange."How do you know my name?" I could feel my heart pounding in my chest and began searching around me for somewhere to sit. "I don't feel very well," I told him. There was no one else around and I was starting to think Ineeded help. "Can you call a doctor?""You don't need a doctor, Theresa," he said again, still holding the orange."How do you know my name?" I asked, a little sharper this time.Something wasn't right with this man. Something wasn't right with me. To my right, I could see other, more distant streams of sunlight that didn't have the strange artificial quality the light where I stood had. The bricks there looked more solid, even the air looked different. It was like I was looking through some strange type of bubble and seeing the real world beyond thelayer of film that was hiding me.I began to walk, wanting to escape my bubble."Theresa... if you leave now things will only get worse. They come for you at night, you know. The devils all like night the best." Then the man began to cackle. It scared me so badly I began to run. I almost tripped but I didn't stop running until I felt the sun on my skin again. When I turned around the man was gone. The orange he'd held lay on the ground, rotted out.I've never been able to explain what happened to me that day, and I still have no idea what the man meant when he said: "things will only get worse." It sounded like some kind of threat to me at the time, and it makes me wonder how bad things would have gotten if I had stayed.

[mackjao]

Cleaning House

It’s been a long time since I’ve last written on here at length, so long that I don’t even recall what I wrote about the last time I was on here. Although writing this seemingly feels foreign in some ways, it also feels familiar in a lot of ways as well.

Although I do have a vast number of feelings of nostalgia in regards to past times when I did use other means (i.e. emails, letters, Facebook message) to write down some of the deepest, rawest, darkest yet also the most delicate and fragile parts of my heart and life as a way to sustain and deepen friendships with those that I cherish most dearly and this blog as a way to meaningfully reflect on only a mere fraction of those moments, I am also rather glad for the prolonged absence that I have taken from this blog. It’s allowed me to be much more present with those who God gives me the opportunity to care for, to gently but firmly encourage and build up in both love and truth. It’s freed up time, energy, and effort that I used to spend more often on here for me through the power of the Holy Spirit utilizing the spiritual gifts that God has granted me by His grace to devote to creating with people that I am with safe spaces of love/growth/vulnerability/intimacy/humility/honesty where questions and doubts about faith can be asked and expressed, stories and testimonies can be told and heard without fear of judgment, condemnation, and shame and to be intentional about the way I go about approaching others by learning people through observation & engagement, earning trust + building bridges deep into the caverns of human hearts and souls so I can meet others where they are/hear out patiently stories of peoples’ lives (i.e. how are you doing?, what has God been teaching you in this current season of life?, etc.)/engage with others’ stories by telling parts of my own story and bestowing onto others the wisdom that God has granted to me through the Holy Spirit in order to instill, illustrate, and model God, His Word, and the beautiful light, truth, and reality of the Gospel to some of the darkest and unlovable parts of others’ hearts and lives. Though each moment like this has been accompanied with a degree of heartbreak, sorrow, pain, anxiety, worry, desperation, and tears to which I have never previously known (the temptation to give up and walk away was all too real each time), I, by the grace of God as I was brought low to the foot of the Cross and partook of that glorious truth & reality time and time again, was able to draw motivation from Christ and Him crucified (His example) and to persevere by faith, sustained by a strength that was clearly not that of my own, and was able to gain an ever-deepening understanding, awe, appreciation, praise, and gratitude of what it must have been like for Christ to choose to love us at our worst despite having full knowledge of the utter depravity/wickedness of man and to grow more perfect in the very same love that Christ demonstrated onto us while we were yet still dead in our sins and trespasses. 

Though the wringing out and the laying down of my very life for the glory of God and for the good of those around me has indeed cost me dearly (many times to the point when I have nothing left in all aspects and have nowhere left to turn but to commit myself to prayer, leaning solely on Him, His Holy Spirit, and the truth & reality of the Gospel + His Word to carry me through the trials) as I devote and sacrifice as much time, energy, and resources possible for His glory, it is a choice that I both voluntarily and gladly choose to follow through with as I, motivated by the love of God (1 John 4:19), experience an incredible joy (Galatians 1:16 [!], Hebrews 12:2 [!!] - crazy) unlike any other as I use these opportunities to witness the Gospel and the Word, to disciple organically to everybody as much as possible through relationship, to model a Christ-like example for others to follow and imitate like many have done for me in the past, and to breathe His light, life, and truth (His Word) via the Holy Spirit into both the caverns of others’ hearts + souls and into the dark places around me wherever I go, whether that be hearing fellow brothers or sisters struggling/enslaved by various sin/lies/deceit confessing them to me, whether that be creating spaces for fellow drug addicts to share with me life stories so wild and broken that I dare not repeat them on here, and so much more.

When I think of all the wretchedness, utter depravity, madness, and death (both physically [quite literally] and spiritually) that He has saved me from time and time again, when I think about all the times that He has reaffirmed me via the unknowable depths of His all-satisfying and unfailing love that I am a child of God and that I am His despite my many sins/failures/rebellion/unfaithfulness, when I recall just how wonderful it was (words cannot begin to describe this [!!!]) to be in His glorious presence & love that invaded the room and the soul of every brother and sister that I was with when I prayed the very prayer that God wanted me to pray as He put on my heart through the divine inspiration of the Holy Spirit the very words to speak in the midst of the congregation five years ago at PBL and to experience a peace (Philippians 4:6-7) and rest for my soul that I had always longed for and seemingly far too wonderful for words to describe (still I try though -> It’s like having every desire & deepest longing utterly wiped away; fully known with my sin and tatters, and yet despite all that also fully loved - the Gospel fully incarnate as I beheld His glory - no longer merely words preached to you from the pulpit, but a glorious truth & stunning reality seemingly impossible to believe yet does nothing to take away from the all-abiding reality of Christ & Him crucified on the Cross -> the greatest love to ever exist indeed), and indeed how wonderful it will be on the Day (one that I look forward to eagerly and dearly) when I will once again stand before Him and behold His glory, I realize that to not live a life fully devoted to the glory of God and in a manner worthy of the calling to which I have been called (Ephesians 4:1) is utterly mad, utterly unthinkable, and utterly absurd (Such great news for the soul of a sinner like me, the Gospel of Jesus Christ that I seek to proclaim with all the energy/strength/might granted to me by God whether in thought/word/deed no matter how much I may suffer for doing so to my dying breath). In the end, it is an incredibly fulfilling work filled with much joy, indeed the only kind of work that will endure beyond this age, one that I hope (and trust in/have faith in God) will leave a lasting mark on the hearts and souls of people that I have the opportunity to cross paths with and to minister to. It’s also allowed me to appreciate life much more in general, whether that be meeting up with a person (rarer these days, but it still happens), taking the time to read and to meditate on His Word, praying and baring out my heart to God in complete vulnerability and honesty without fear, and enjoying the opportunities to be still in His presence, or even taking the time to enjoy the Father’s creation.

As the title of this post implies, that’s exactly what’s been going on in my life as of late, both spiritually and people-wise. After careful and deliberate reflection, I’ve found that in many ways I’ve found myself to be stretched way too thin across way too many relationships over the last couple years to the point where there has been some neglect in regards to my own spiritual life (which is never a good thing). So that’s exactly what’s been happening in my own life over the past year … as I, with the help of God, continue to clear out ungodly ways/thoughts/deeds (a daily continuing war I wage against my flesh until glory) in my own life, but also to discontinue a sizable number of relationships out of my life.

Now while that may cause some consternation or offend a number of people, I make no apologies about this. The first greatest commandment I have been given is that I am to love the Lord my God with all my heart and soul and mind and last I checked, it takes priority over the following commandment for me to love my neighbor as myself. Although I do admit that both are indeed important, I had a prior season where I unfortunately reversed the order too much to the other extreme while being blinded by my pride and to my unfortunate demise, reaping sin, idolatry, destruction, and a degree of darkness and depravity of which I never want any part of ever again (1 John 3:18 - Little children, let us not love only in word or talk, but also in deed and in truth). If my love for people and/or things in my life hamper me from fulfilling the delicate balance of both commandments in intent and in truth, then in one sense my love for people needs to be tempered so that the delicate balance that exists in fulfilling and walking out both commandments in my life is restored.

Furthermore, I also want to love well individuals (i.e. family, close friends, etc.) God has placed more readily in my life and I find my ability to do this hindered the more relationships I (my time, energy, effort) find myself spread across. Upon further reflection, I’ve also found that a sizable number of people in my life do not meet the high standard that I have set over the years in regards to good sound character and more importantly, sincerity of godly character. Now while indeed there must always be room for grace and forgiveness on my part in light of the Cross (I will give everyone I meet an opportunity to demonstrate both), there comes a time after observing a number of individuals for a rather prolonged period of time (years, even) and genuinely and sincerely forgiving such individuals again and again that I myself begin to wonder if there will ever be sincere repentance or whether that is truly how he or she really is. It greatly saddens me that there are individuals (not a majority, but enough individuals for it to be a problem) I know who think so little of what God sees as precious, valuable, and good, and even have the nerve and audacity to belittle such. In essence, these individuals have become all too tangible reminders to me of the unbelieving broken world around me that continues to mock and belittle the truth of His Word and goodness of His design. While the extending of forgiveness/grace to such individuals, praying for such individuals, and a redirecting of faith/hope in God to change people will commence/continue, I am not obligated in any way to continue sustaining friendships of depth with these individuals, who I consider to be bad company, poisonous in influence, and weights that must be removed (Hebrews 12:1-2). It not only has never sat well with me (1 Corinthians 15:33-34), but it has also always been a blatant violation of my conscience. For too long have I tolerated such individuals, each time holding out on a faint glimmer of hope out of mercy and hope that these people will change and as such, I will tolerate it no longer. As such, the discontinuing of such relationships from my life will be swift and thorough.

In addition, I’ve become aware of some individuals who have unwisely fallen into idolatry or struggled with the temptation of idolizing me when I am with them not only once but multiple times, specifically in regards to elevating me on a pedestal to a place where only God and God alone belongs, and to these people, I find that most bewildering and incredibly grieving to me (indeed filled with utmost dismay), but more importantly to the Holy Spirit, and to God Himself (grief similar to degree as Paul & Barnabas in Acts 14:8-18). The more I think about such individuals, the more I realize that these individuals are mainly comprised of fellow sisters in Christ. It is to these individuals that I have to instantly leave/exit the friendship and to cut out of my life with absolutely zero hesitation (after I have given numerous attempts for these individuals to confess/repent of this great sin and after witnessing failure after failure and realizing deep down that they would never be able to genuinely repent of such a sin with pure hearts so long as I remained in their lives to any degree) not to be harsh/a heartbreaker/cruel, but actually quite the opposite, in fact ... to be kind (i.e. It is crystal clear to me that you cannot bear the burden of being in friendship/relationship with me to a platonic degree) and ultimately, in great love for God & for such individuals. Not only am I aware of the warning Jesus gives in Matthew 18:5-6/Luke 17:1-2/Mark 9:42 in regards that it would be better for the one who causes one of His little ones to sin to be tied down with a large millstone and thrown into the sea, but also it is to these individuals that I say with no apologies or regrets: 

“Why are you doing this? Don’t you understand and see that I, just like you, am merely a servant of God (Rev 19:9-10, Rev 22:8-9) just like you, along with our other fellow brothers and sisters in Christ? Why in the world would you do this? Don’t you realize how dearly loved you are by our good good God regardless of what I or other people you look up to think about you and that your identity as one made in the image of God (Gen 1:26) and/or as a child (whether son or daughter of the Most High) of God can never be taken away by anyone else and ultimately testifies to how infinitely valuable and beloved you are to Him (Ps 139:13-14)? Don’t you realize what how dishonoring this is to both me but more importantly to God and what a great sin this is not only against me but ultimately against our good good God and Heavenly Father who alone is worthy of all our praise, adoration, affection, and devotion? Repent, I say to you again, repent! Draw near to the throne of grace (Heb 4:16), confess/repent of your sin, and may you find that we indeed serve a God who is merciful, faithful, and just to forgive us of our sins (1 John 1:9) and who desires not more sacrifices but indeed a broken and contrite heart (Ps 51:16-17) [I say this firmly in great love but also with many tears as well]

From another point of view, it is also an opportunity for me exercise faith in God. For those who think that I am being mean by “choosing” people, I find that most regrettable. Indeed, as I am a finite being with limited time, energy, and resources (an admission that I had to learn the hard way [oh I tried to be there for everybody as much as possible, oh I tried, but I burned out so hard], but can finally concede with humility), I cannot possibly be in everyone’s life as I am not God but what I can do is to be sincere, diligent, and faithful in loving well (encouraging/building up/correcting/teaching/rebuking, etc.) those God has entrusted to me much more readily and entrust all other individuals up into His hands, trusting and having faith in God that even if I am not actively present in everyone’s life that He is far more capable than I am in loving & caring for these other individuals and that those who are truly of His flock will remain steadfast in the faith and will finish the race sustained by His grace. So indeed I will no longer be putting this off any longer as this is not only very much needed, but also very much necessary.

However, there are many lessons, a couple individual groups of people, and a very few number of individuals (”kindred” souls - both brothers and sisters that, by the good work that God has done in them to a radical degree, are wonderfully kind/sincere/gracious, genuine in love/heart/godly character both in word and deed, realize that time is indeed incredibly precious & valuable and are not content to settle for shallow small talk, and are brave and humble enough to be real, honest, and authentic with me by telling me how they really are/how it really is beyond the all-too common list of Christian cliché answers. It is to these individuals that I have found myself drawn to readily like opposite poles on a magnet; what I find even more remarkable is that this attraction is often mutual), and memories that I cherish most dearly, that are incredibly close to my very heart and soul, and that will forever occupy a special place in my heart that God has seen it good to grant me the blessing and privilege to share life with/to fellowship with in these six and a half years of walking with Him. Other than with God, it is with these individuals that I have eagerly built bridges with, invested into deeply, maintained deep relationships with, shared life and fellowship with, and spent the most time with over these years even despite how painful it was at times via penning some of my vulnerable/genuine/heartfelt correspondences (prayerfully) by written letter, email, or even Facebook, or setting aside common times to video-chat though we are often separated by miles/leaps and bounds. Though it’s often left me with diminished energy to devote to and deepen relationships with people that I see more readily where I presently am, I have very few reservations about this for reasons explained below. I also find that God in many more times than not often works in ways far beyond my finite understanding to redeem some of the times that I am present with people, allowing deeper conversations and vulnerability from those that I am with, granting me not only the opportunity to minister and to meet them where they are, but also for bridges to be built, for trust to be gained, and for love to grow and flourish in the context of trust, commitment, honesty, and vulnerability.

Though I hold these people in incredibly high regard (not to the point of idolatry by His grace alone) more than a vast majority of those that I know, these individuals are not sinless people. The more one comes to know another, the more one also comes to know the other’s flaws, insecurities, vices, sins, and imperfections. Extending love, grace, mercy, forgiveness, etc. also become more costly and difficult but nevertheless all the more necessary in order for the relationship to continue to grow and deepen. Many a times have we needed to lay aside our pride and egos so that vulnerability and honesty prevail, many a times have we challenged one another out of love with our incomplete perspectives, many a times have we needed to lay aside the fear of man so that the truth can be spoken in love, many a times have we needed to humble ourselves (so many times have I been tempted with pride that I’ve frequently found myself praying desperately to God for grace and humility that looks upward so that I can remain humble) so that we could acknowledge/own our failures + shortcomings and choose instead of remaining in sin to confess/repent and to grow, and many a times have we also both needed to extend love, grace, and forgiveness that came at incredible cost but that also grew the both of us in a greater and deeper knowledge of the love of Christ the more we did so onto one another. I rejoice, give thanks to, and praise God from the very bottom of my heart for these people, whom He has used time and time again to grow me in ways I knew not (Proverbs 27:17) then but now do and who have been wonderful living examples of grace, love, kindness, compassion, mercy, forgiveness, and godliness (many times far superseding that of my own). Though I really do not deserve such individuals and though it’s been a number of years since I have prayed to God asking for such individuals to share life and fellowship with (one lifted up to Him in my first year as a believer), God has indeed seen it as good to grant me such beautiful souls in His own wonderful perfect timing and plan so that I could mature in my faith by having marvelous examples to imitate (1 Corinthians 11:1) and learn how to love God and those He has made in His image well and more perfectly, more today than yesterday and more tomorrow than today. As with these individuals and memories, I will write about each lesson, “kindred” soul (confidentiality protected), memory, and unexpressed sentiments/feelings on here over the next couple months as a way for me to reflect, commemorate, and remember such from time to time and ultimately, to be reminded of God’s marvelous grace, steadfast unfailing love, and gracious provision.

Although I could share such things via conversations with others, I consider myself one who is much slower than most to trust people (for better or for worse), finding myself frequently utilizing observation, asking many questions, and using other various methods that will not be disclosed to test others of their character/sincerity of heart/godliness before deciding whether they have earned my trust or not and whether I should share the much deeper/sensitive/fragile parts of who I am with them or not. Furthermore, I am finding all too often these days that the time that I have with most individuals is all too brief and momentary for longer conversations of meaningful substance that not only go much deeper but that also involve building deep intimate threads of genuine connection between heart to heart and soul to soul, a rare skill that to handle properly requires prayer, self control, and ultimately the guidance of the Holy Spirit, great care, and much more time, energy, and effort out of me than it used to the older I get (although I haven’t given up on trying to create such spaces, the degree to which I pursue such an endeavor has lessened in light of the busyness and priorities that readily accompany my current season in life; hence, writing as a medium will suffice at this time). Besides, there will come a time not very far off that I will inevitably begin to slowly forget due to the cognitive decline that is all but inevitable due to age and if anything, may I write all these things down not only as a preparation of the account that I will give Him one day when I stand before His throne on the Day that may seem far but indeed is near, but also so that I may never forget how God has used each of these individuals and memories to remind me that regardless of my circumstances, what kind of season I find myself in, and where I find myself to be that He is always near, even in my darkest of hours and in my darkest of days (Psalm 23).