#no because i am spoiled from the Soriku friends to rivals to enemies to lovers arc

[multifairyus]

TLC and Queer Narritives

This started as an update on playlist making for Nick ships and has devolved into a rant about Queer narratives being capitalized on in TLC. I wanna give Tracy grace here, but after having a great discussion about how Bree’s black community feels one note/magical negro-ish…yeah I gotta get this off my chest 😭

Tl:dr I don’t think Nick and Sel’s (mutual!) romantic feelings are fleshed out in a way I think is fair to Selwyn as his own character with feelings and priorities outside of Bree and the Oaths. I understand that is Bree’s story so it makes sense Tracy didn’t focus on that. But I feel that fleshing the queer narrative could have been revolutionary and instead falls short of the mark. Cuz the story could have functioned largely the same with them as rivals and friends with no romantic undertones.

To me it’s more than “oh Nick shows that he cares about Sel in these ways” Cuz yeah. It’s clear Nick cares about Sel. But even for a love triangle I think it’s TOO unclear, TOO vague, even with the Order trauma context that that care is EXPLICITLY romantic and not just extremely close and trauma ridden. They have a brotherly, rivals, and friend dynamic going on which all feels more fleshed out than a romantic dynamic.

And I say TOO because, well��outside of Selwyn Kane being my baby boy who I love to the moon and back…I’m just kinda particular that the feelings of a young man be taken seriously and given narrative weight OUTSIDE of how it relates to the competition of heterosexual ships, or to the ease/simplicity of a polyamorous “solution” to the triangle.Like, if you’re gonna have a confirmed Pansexual character… and have that pansexual character’s queerness only really be explored in text by how it functions as an facet for a love triangle with potential to be polyamorous even IF the plot is busy…ion like that.

I think I see this whole OT3 and NickSel at a certain angle because while I can relate to Bree for so many reasons as a black woman, Sel’s queerness brushing on themes from my own Queer Awakening™️ and I think queer experiences a lot of people have.

Tell me if any of this rings a bell, my fellow LeeGeeBeeTees: Deep admiration of someone turning into something that looks and feels like attraction—especially if that’s first time you’ve ever felt something like that? Unsure if what you’re feeling is jealousy and wanting to be more like them or actually wanting them? Heightened awareness of their moods and weird desire to attend their emotional needs even when it’s not reciprocated or mutual or necessary? Being more open about your sexuality and/or not being cishet passing and being into someone who maybe is neither of those things. Sleeping/getting together with someone of the opposite to be “normal” and get over those feelings? Having the person you’re into be interested in having a “normal” relationship with someone that you don’t even like very much? Yeah. Yeah. YEAH.

Like to me, I can read between the lines of what Sel has said and done and fill in the blanks for wistful, beautiful, gay as fuck life experiences!! He is so fuckin valid! But WHY is his HURT doing the heavy lifting for the queer narrative in text??? His hesitation when asked about his feelings and cautious pessimism makes sense!! Almost all of the things I see people commonly point to as Nick showing he cares for Sel almost all indirectly involve Bree! Or is muddled by the Oaths—which you can SAY is the same for Sel, maybe, but not in the same way imo.

I’m not saying that Nick has to have had the same queer journey or awakening as Sel. or that he had to figure out his feelings at the same time as him. Or that he needs to be romantically interested in Sel to have an OT3 happen. But I AM saying that this feels very lopsided. And unlike normal love triangle messiness’s this feels…not fun to engage with. Because even if/when Tracy fleshes Nick and Sel out more to go for an OT3 situation, because this book is not about them, I really worry that Nick’s half of the equation will fall flat. And we get the queer representation but not much of queer story outside of their straight relationships to the main character.

In the interim of the next book, imma need Nickel and OT3 shippers pls make some Nick and Sel queer content to fill in these gaps. Preferably pre LB, no Bree! Or post Oath! Or time between them finding out where SK took her! Give me preteen preening and showboating for each other really being flirting!! Give me teen gaynst mutual unrequited pining, but actually, secretly REALLY requited mutual pining!!! Give me an “Oh. Oh? Oh.” Realization!! THIS SHIP CAN FIT SO MUCH LOVE AND ADORATION IN IT!!!! This shit writes itself, and yet in text I have to see molehills as mountains??? Naaawww.

Nicholas and Selwyn—the most powerful young men in the centuries old Order based in the American South with misogynistic origins, that took their mothers from them and grew up in a dysfunctional toxic environment—being GAY and finding LOVE is fucking BEAUTIFUL and it deserves far more care and attention from the narrative. I’m holding out for this rant age HORRIBLY by Book 3 but rn…I’m salty as hell!

P.S.—me joking that Alice and William are the ~homosexual supporting cast~ is funny but also bet not be me jinxing it. Again, Bree’s story. But more than “Tor is Alice’s type”/“women are hungry so i cook” and “yeah I have a bf but broke up with him weeks ago”/“red herring romantic rival for Bree that lasted 5 minutes before jk he’s gay and blushed at Will??” I’m not expecting Brewlyn levels of build up or whatever but c’mon now!!