#no bc i completely forgot how this fandom only brings pain

[magireco]

out of curiosity what do you think of the characterization of homura in rebellion? i hugely dislike it but get the impression you enjoy it which i think is interesting cuz we seem to have very similar thoughts on homura pre-rebellion (CORRECT ME IF I AM WRONG)

THIS IS INTERESTING BECAUSE IT DEPENDS ON WHAT FLAVOR OF REBELLION HOMURA YOU MEAN. i really really like the way she was done in the first half of the movie but as for the twist at the end...? mmm...

...okay, so... i've been thinking about saying this at some point but i keep avoiding it in fear of causing discourse and such bc... this is a really unpopular opinion apparently, but I really do not think devil homura was done properly. read under the cut if you wanna know why i feel this way!

the first issue i'm going to address is that there wasn't NEARLY enough buildup for it. i'm going to explain this from the perspective of a first-time viewer: what would you have thought would happen after the very last scene of rebellion leading up to them breaking homura out of her soul gem? when homulilly got purified and the flowers on her head turned to sakura flowers (y'know, the flowers that symbolize life and rebirth, homura being reborn from her witch)? did you think homura was suddenly gonna undermine madoka's godliness? because, uh, first-view me did not think that at all. and neither did almost anyone i know who watched it for the first time. not only is that poor setup but it's just so sudden and it feels so out of character compared to what we'd seen in the entire series as a whole, especially considering that the entire last part of the movie leading up until that was about purifying her... and saving her... there wasn't enough buildup. most people are like "but the flower scene happened!" but that's still way too vague...? it's hard to tell what conclusion homura comes to at the end, because we don't get to see any of her internal monologue... there is no other buildup after the flower scene... it just skips to homura realizing she's a witch. wouldn't that bring the viewer to think the flower scene was something that made homura realize she was a witch rather than her suddenly starting to form her plan? it always felt like to me the conclusion homura came to at the end of the flower scene was that she was validating madoka's bravery and telling her that if it ever came to that, she'd have the ability to make that hard decision. which is... so... weird? because i always interpreted that as homura coming to terms with what happened? i could just be interpreting it wrong though, but isn't that supposed to be our proof scene? our buildup scene? why would they make it so hard to understand? we need to know such important buildup points just as blatantly as the natural buildup to homura becoming a witch was. that's just from a moviemaking & writing perspective though.

secondly, i'm gonna discuss homura's motive. i actually ended up understanding were she was coming from after a while of being like "what the hell that makes zero sense!!!!". madoka is a 14-year-old girl who, in order to save the fate of every magical girl, literally had to sacrifice herself and erase herself from the world, and in the end, madoka just ended up saving homura again, and that must've made homura feel like her promise with madoka was never fulfilled. it's unfair what happened when you think about it and the law of cycles should not have been run by madoka herself because she, as any other 14 year old, deserves to be happy on earth. although it was said in magireco that madoka felt happy with what she was doing (and she felt like it truly gave her a purpose), she did admit to feeling lonely and homura probably made that assumption big time. but the way the writers went about it just made her seem so sinister... so out-of-character-ly sinister. what with the evil smirking and the deepened, almost... uh, sensual-seeming voice, and homura completely ignoring madoka's fear. it feels like they twisted her character extremely suddenly and it throws the viewer on a loop. they could've gone with that ending without making such drastic and sudden changes to homura's character, and if they were planning on doing that, why did they not give us more buildup? buildup that wasn't extremely cryptic that you have to scan and search every detail to get a clue? something i love about rebellion is that every time you watch you find something new, but how come some of the only clues illuding to devil homura's existence are in the op? it's odd. why didn't they go with something like making the incubators run the law of cycles? they were the ones at fault for causing it to be created. but honestly, the incubators cannot be trusted with anything, which is why it'd make sense for a magical girl to run the law of cycles, but if homura and madoka had the combined power to do so, what if they just remade the law of cycles so it was less unfair to madoka...? i don't know. either of those possibilites would make more sense than what happened.

something else that kind of irks me about it is that they demonized(literally, lol) homura's love for madoka. homura is very much a canon lesbian, and it's incredibly discomforting to me that they made her seem, outwardly to the viewer, so selfish...? please don't get me wrong, i'm not ACTUALLY calling homura selfish -- i know the entire akumura facade is a mask she put on, but like, it's so much more blatantly sinister than she is in the series when she's putting on the coolmura facade. it's going to really confuse the viewer and see every single one of her actions from the entire series in a completely different light, INCLUDING stuff that happened in rebellion itself. like the genuine sadness homura felt, the way we saw into her soul and felt her pain, that genuinely made a lot of people i've seen think that it was ingenuine upon first inspection... they made homura turn "evil" out of her love for madoka, as if it's a bad thing to fall in love, and as if love for another girl was what corrupted her soul gem... i understand that gen urobuchi probably wanted to explore that kind of path where love leads to obsession or whatever, but homura was selfless to a fault, constantly trying to force herself away from the others in order to not get attached, and deeply afraid of seeming creepy and predatory and scaring(she said this herself), which is exactly what she ends up doing at the end, and i feel so awful that they did that to her... how is the viewer supposed to know what her true motives are at that point? it gets all scrambled up after they did that huge plot twist. i'm going to address another thing super quick before people jump in my ask box over this, i understand also that it would make sense for homura to be obsessed with madoka, but in the series, it was never shown in this light, and like i said, if they were going to do this, why'd they even have the purification scene at the end at all? the buildup is all wrong . it also just made me upset that this ending caused SO many people to start literally believing homura is evil because of her actions at the end, and it made people become even more vehement on their beliefs that homura is obsessive and ps*cho...

i was really confused when i watched it for the first time (and also sobbing hysterically, literally, my funniest rebellion story as someone who has genuinely watched the movie 40-ish times, i remember vividly the first time i watched it i started sobbing on my hands and knees on a yoga mat in my mom's room). also like, just to prove my point a teensy bit more, the ending was so ambiguous and out of nowhere that one of the first google results to "madoka magica rebellion" is "madoka magica rebellion ending explained" because it shocked people so much that that was the first thing they needed to google. also, the fact they left us on such a vague cliffhanger and then abandoned the movie series for a total of 8 whole years only to make a sudden comeback in god's holy year of 2021 was almost cruel. LIKE GUYS I JUST FINISHED UP MY DEVIL HOMURA HEADCANONS IT TOOK YOU LONG ENOUGH!!!

...anyways, um, i really have to address the sexualization. madoka magica, previously, was a series that avoided fanservice in the show, at least, but why did they make akumura's design look like that...? it shows an unsettling amount of skin and like, every three seconds in the end they're focusing intensely on her lips and her eyes and... it's almost like the writers forgot she was 14, but they never seemed to forget that in the series? what happened????? in the transformation scene, we get closeup views of homura's thighs and back and stuff and it's all open everywhere... they made her tights into thigh-highs... in the whole series, even when she went to school, she always wore tights, and she was wearing tights in her magical girl outfit too... they absolutely deliberately did that to sexualize her further so they could make official art with her thighs out. speaking of official art that unsettles me, why does so much of the official art make the whole outfit just glued to her body and you can see all the shading on her features... it's just. ugh. anyways.

i went off a LITTLE too much on this and i know this is probably gonna get me some weird glances in the fandom and i am open to hearing other people's opinions but i don't think i'll ever stop disliking the effect this plot twist had on the fandom's interpretation of homura and although i'm like UNDENIABLY incredibly hyper excited for the next movie, i'm kind of...nervous for what this is going to bring? i don't want this next movie to cause the same amount of discourse the ending of rebellion did and i legit just want to see homura happy. another one of my main issues with the ending is just that homura is SO unhappy when she literally deserves to be happy SOOOOOOO BAD and just take a break from all the loops ... i'm Praying to madokami out there that that's what happens.

i know this is all really funny coming from someone who draws devil homura on a regular basis and literally writes her, but like... i'm a lesbian i'm allowed to<3

ANYWAYS thanks for listening this was a fun ask!!!

[evasjacks]

The headcanon about Vasily breaking Nikolai's nose got me ~feeling things~ and if I'd really like to hear any headcanons you have about nikolai and Vasily?

Also I love ur blog so much...thank u for singlehandedly carrying the nikolai fandom

omg anon ILY also me too it was late at night and I was having Emotions (also blame @tricewithaz for the painful headcanons)

this...Turned out pretty long so it's under the cut

okay so. they have these hunting trips that ravkan aristocrats like to go on where they pretend they don't need servants to do their work and fake manliness while making false bets and rigging games on behalf of the king. nikolai has literally no interest in going. he's also never been invited. every year his father makes vasily go, bc he's the Crown Prince.

but one time vasily shows up at nikolais room and just goes, pack ur stuff we're leaving tonight for the hunt. mika like ok what. but he can't ask vasily questions, he hates it when nikolai asks too many questions and he'll get mad. nikolai is ten. he doesn't wanna make his brother mad.

so without asking a single one of the millions of questions in his mind he agrees to go, packs his stuff, and you know what? he's a little excited, because vasily never invites him to things like this, and his brother adores the crowds attention. he would never want to split it. unless ofc he noticed how good nikolai had been getting at practice or maybe he realized his brother has hidden talents.

anyway he's full to the brim with hope and already super excited about the whole thing. when he shows up vasily says he forgot to have a horse made for him. they're bringing additional nobles this time, which means there are none left. okay. it's a challenge, and nikolai knows that much. so he agrees to follow behind on a donkey. embarrassing, humiliating, smelly. he does it. only once they start riding, nikolai chats up some of the nobles (he's like tom sawyer this guy) and suddenly everyone slows their horses to walk beside him, someone even offers to trade with him but nikolai refuses. and ofc the kid who was meant to be at the center of attention is suddenly forgotten. vasily hates this.

okay this is long asf I'll summarizes: when they get to the place they're gonna camp at, vasily has nikolai get firewood from the forest, which is dark and scary and not a place any ten year old should go alone. he does. he manages it with a small incident of glimpsing a siberian mountain lion, but when he comes back it's just a good anecdote that everyone loves to hear.

when he gets back there is no tent set for him, so someone offers to share, and he agrees. then they all decide to go scout the area see what they can get to eat. and niks like okay let me grab my stuff. but it's gone. everything he's brought with him and he *knows* where he put it. they're at the edge of a mountain covered in snow, it's freezing and he doesn't even have a change of clothes.

he gets this feeling that something is off, so he goes around the back of the tents, right to the edge of the mountain and he can just make out a broken suitcase at the bottom, a pair of shoes floating in the river. then fucking Vasily shows up like the demon he is.

and he's pisses. because he's jealous of the way everyone treats nikolai, and he realizes that his plan to humiliate his brother complete backfired. they get into it, because that's what u do when ur ten and ur brother is a psychopath. but even if nikolais mad and he's trained with his brother before, he's still smaller (kids fuckin ten) and vasily wins easily, he grabs nikolai by the collar and shoves him towards the edge, literally one slip and he'll fall.

and he's close to letting go. nikolai can see it in his eyes, there's not an ounce of apology, not even a second of reconsideration. so he starts talking, because our boi has more brains than muscle, and he just tells him that if nikolai dies on this trip, then that's the only thing they'll talk about for weeks months. every day people will mourn him, they'll send flowers to vasily for his loss. he'll get all the attention. but if he lets nikolai go then he'll tell everyone that vasily saved him, he'll make him out to be some hero.

vasilys a bitch. he's stuck up and egoistic and this appeals to all his flawed senses. so he lets nikolai go, and he makes good on his word.

but that was the last time nikolai had to bargain for his life. especially not from his own flesh and blood.

[renoftheshadows]

I was tagged by @spneveryseason​ thank you!!

This is gonna be hard since I haven’t actually watched any spn except the first four eps, the finale, and A Very Supernatural Christmas in years lmao. (I’m trying to rewatch but Netflix keeps being a bitch.)

Sibling status (younger, middle, older, only child...) - oldest. I’m also a daughter so I need compensation for that.

How long have you been stanning for -stanning Sam since before I even watched the show, so probably since like 2012? I started watching in 2014 I think.

Favorite Sam era - oh this is hard... probably s2 or s3.

Favorite spn season, but if the only criteria was Sam’s hair -also hard bc I love almost all of Sam’s hair (except s10 wtf was that), but I’m gonna go with season 5.

Favorite Sam-centric episode - I can’t really say bc I can’t remember which eps were Sam-centric since it’s been so long since watching them. But Ana said All Hell Breaks Loose Part 1 and I do remember that one so yeah going with that one bc it was really good. Oh! I do actually really like Mystery Spot even though it’s painful af and actually way darker than the ep presents it. And I hate how fandom treats it. :/

Any ships you may like to mention - sastiel I guess?

Favorite song you would/have put in a Sam playlist -not to be Edgy(tm) but “Monster” by Skillet.

If you could steal one thing from Sam’s wardrobe, it would be - well I already have his purple dog shirt so.... lmao. but I also agree with Ana. His v neck gray pyjama top because it looks SO soft.

Complete the sentence: If Sam cishet, then WHY.... -his crossroad demons always men?

Favorite unhinged Sam moment - I don’t remember what ep it is but I think it’s in season 4? When he’s drinking the demon lady’s blood and the demon dude goes to stab him and Sam uses his powers to fling him into the wall and with his mouth all bloody says “wait your turn” YEAH

You must have some intense headcanons you need to talk about, tell me one Sam hc that drives you insane - oKAY. this is gonna be long. -cracks knuckles- so I have never seen this take before probably bc the disorder is so rare  (hint: it’s not there was just a huge movement in the 90s to discredit it lmao) but during his time in the Cage (which I take his estimates to be true so he was there for 5,000+ years bc I believe Hell time and Cage time are different) he had to split in order to stay functioning. So when he gets back and his wall is broken he basically has DID/OSDD (dissociative identity disorder). Those parts in himself in that one ep? They actually exist inside him along with probably hundreds of other parts/alters to hold and cope with all the trauma and they can “front” (be in control of the body). They’re a very covert system tho bc if Dean ever found out he’d flip. Also he definitely has introjects of Lucifer and Michael, probably multiple ones. So like hallucifer? Not just a product of the psychosis but also a literal person/part that lives in his head and torments him (tho it’s not really Lucifer bc it’s still a part of Sam’s psyche). This is why despite being in the Cage so long and being tortured in unimaginable ways he can still function. Because the Sam that is normally front doesn’t have access to all his Cage memories. Other parts hold those memories and keep them from him because otherwise he would literally be non-functional.

okay so that’s my headcanon. If you want to know more about it or even just DID in general PLEASE hmu. I would love to talk about it.

Tell me something about the hbo Sam that lives in your brain -he totally wears black nail polish and make up. Also embraces his psychic power more.

Oh no, the writers forgot to give Jess a personality! Now it’s up to you. Tell me, what was Jess like - she was definitely the kinda that encouraged everyone but esp Sam. definitely sassy and they probably had sass offs. she’s fiercely protective of the people she loves. she was super excited to bring Sam home to her family and they loved him even if he was a little weird.

Biggest injustice Supernatural commited against Sam (be as brief or as ranty as you desire) - season 6-15 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  lol jk. probably the s9 arc. That was... yeah. Or Lucifer being brought back in s11.

And finally, just say something about him that makes you smile - his compassion. Just how soft and gentle he is when talking to witnesses/victims/etc.

I’m tagging: @girlbossjared @car-romancerdean @wingsanddimples @armymaninashtraysaweverything @itsjustallaboutsam @itstartswithbloodshed @ilysm-mybabybrother @milfsamwinchester @marvelis @spectator-sam @mlmsam @haloforsam @crownsandfreckles no pressure if you don’t want to do it!! And if I didn’t tag you and you want to do it, consider yourself tagged!!!

[sunflowerdabbles-blog]

hello and welcome!! sooo can u do something w/ ben about him and reader being coworkers and he has such a crush on her and she's clueless so someone else tells her and he's all nervous around reader and all that cute funny stuff? thanks !!

hi there! thank u so much!! i’ve been in the fandom for a couple months now but only made this blog like two weeks ago? anyways. this ended up being longer than expected bc i have no self control i guess? but i hope you like it!! have 1.4k of ben full on pining.

(oh and like i said before, english isn’t my mother tongue. so this is a weird mix of american and british english djfgkjs. and a lot of parenthesis and italics because that’s how i roll).

*

Like most things in Ben’s life as of recent, it was Joe’s fault.

See, he was perfectly fine, actually minding his own business and feeling a lot more comfortable on his own skin after finally getting over a quite messy break up. He was putting himself out there (exclusively for a good time), having fun with his friends, and his auditions were going pretty well too (sometimes people even called him first, things were that smooth, mind you).

So, naturally, Joe fucked it all up. And not even on purpose. The first time he mentioned her they were just catching up on his flat, one of the few times he could be bothered to go to London instead of expecting everyone to show up in New York. And that was it, really. Just one mention of this new friend he made the last time he visited: that was, in a way, all it took. Her name was [Y/N] and she had only moved there recently, working occasionally as a dialect coach and accent expert of sorts, and was somehow shy yet one of the funniest people I have ever met, Benny, I swear to god. You would like her a lot, I think.

And wasn’t that the whole problem? He just, fuck, he just liked her so much it was ridiculous (and quite embarrassing, as the annoying little voice on his head that sounded suspiciously a lot like Gwilym’s would like to add). After that first mention, Joe would just casually bring her up sometimes and not even three weeks later, fate (if you want to call it that) started playing its part as well. If he hadn’t given that much thought to the lovely woman that apparently made his friend cry of laughter once (Joe had this way of taking everything out proportion and besides, he’s just having fun now, right?), Ben was in no way prepared for the absolute angel he met on the first day of production for his most recent movie.

It was kind of humiliating, to say the least. Ben was not used to losing his breath when he met a beautiful woman but, it seemingly turns out, there’s a first time for everything. And it was definitely not the last. It was almost seven am and the weather wasn’t helping a lot in terms of motivation, but her nose was red from the cold, her body shaking a bit under many layers of clothing, a big yellow scarf almost swallowing her up, and Ben was falling under and fast even before she talked and moved him completely: her name was [Y/N] and, because the movie was a historical fiction book adaptation, it was her job to help him practice a swedish accent until it hopefully sounded native (or very close to it, at least). And things just got worse from there, really. Ben’s pretty sure he’s been dying a very slow and painful death for the last two months and, even worse (!), he couldn’t be more obvious about it even if he tried.

He even feels like a creep sometimes. They practice every day and yes, his voice quality seems to be getting a lot better (something about using a lower tone helping the accent roll easier on his tongue), but it’s like his skin can’t stop itching no matter how much he tries. He was, in all seriousness, pretty much shaking the first time they were alone, her small hands helping him correct his posture so he could reach a better pitch; and if he’s being honest with himself, every time after that. It’s like’s he’s restless al the time; the smell of her hair and perfume staying on his memory long after their last hug (and yet not quite enough), her laugh making his heart jump quick whenever they talk, the possibility of seeing her again actually motivating him to get up at five am (!) and the mere thought of kissing her until her knees were trembling was enough to lead to certain uh, interesting thoughts when’s alone in bed at night (or at the tube, the market, the fucking bookshop that one time he prefers not to think about).

The thing is he’s so obvious about it that everyone has noticed. And he doesn’t mean just his co-workers (which is already bad enough!) but also his friends have quickly caught up on his incapability of shutting up (whining, according to Rami) about her and, as expected, they’ve been completely insufferable ever since. Hell, even his mum called him the other day asking when she’s meeting the girl that has him so interested. Fuck Joe, honestly. Why does he even talk to her on the phone, anyways? It’s like he just needs to tell everyone (and well, uhh).

As if he wasn’t already easy to pick on; by all means, he could just put a big sign on his head announcing his feelings into the entire world and it wouldn’t make much of a difference. But, funnily enough, [Y/N] seems to have no idea, even though he’s been torn between (unknowingly) dropping hints constantly and wanting the ground to swallow him whole for a while now. It’s just, she’s probably used to having a ton of people interested? Or maybe she’s been trying to tell you she’s just not that into you and you’re a clueless bastard that she has to deal with because it’s her job? The possibilities are endless, you see.

—Hey, can I– are you busy right now? do you have a minute? –she asked, closing her umbrella and stepping into the trailer, the rain just starting to pour down outside.

Oh.

—Su-sure, of course. Is everything alright? I thought you were going downtown with- –he said, cleaning his now very sweaty palms on the fabric of his pants but stopped abruptly after taking in her blotchy cheeks and shaky hands, holding them with his own before moving one to gently caress her jaw– Hey, did something happen? You’ve been crying, I can tell –his voice caught on his throat upon seeing her eyes fill up with tears again, now holding her face with both hands and trying to get her to look at him– Did someone do something to you? Please, you know you can tell me anyt–

—I talked to Joe –[Y/N] replied, remembering the phone call that had taken place not even half an hour ago, her heart still so hopeful it ached from it– He– Ben, be honest with me, okay? Okay, so, he said, well I guess he implied that– that you may have a crush on me, I think? But like, he could be wrong? Maybe he was joking.

Oh. Oh shit, this can’t be good at all. It was bound to happen eventually. But everything was so perfect (could be more, though, always more) when they were together, running over his lines and practicing impressions until their stomachs hurt from the laughter, drinking tea when it was still impossibly early in the morning and then talking about anything and everything in the afternoon and late into the night, that he forgot this moment was even a possibility.

—He– he did that? –she nodded slowly, not even daring to lift her head, so scared of what she could find in his eyes (is he upset? What if he’s angry, disgusted, even?) and, even more, of what it could mean for them– I– fuck, I could kill him I swear he– listen, I don’t. I don’t want you to feel obligated, alright? This is– I can handle it, really. But I can’t stop, [Y/N], I swear I’ve tried but hell you’re just so– you. And I like you, okay? I like you so much it’s not even funny and if you give me a little more time maybe I can get over it and we’ll still be– umphh– –it felt like he was melting from the inside and bursting at the seams; her lips were soft and chapped from the cold, the absolute best thing he’s ever felt, his hands going from her face to her waist, not knowing where to settle, where to even begin. Months of waiting and craving seemed like nothing (and yet, meant everything) now, knowing that this was at the end of the line.

—You’re an idiot, you know?

She giggled and he fell in love all over again.

Maybe he would thank Joe, after all.

[afewmarvelousthoughts]

Truth Pt. 11

Truth Master List

Request:

What’s up sug! sorry you’re struggling right now but I’ve come to help you If you could bring this to light for me I’d absolutely love for YOU TO DO JT So basically Bucky X Enhanced reader who are fuckin enemies. Hate each other to every last fiber of their beings bc Bucky is rude and she calls him out on it. AnywHs, they get drunk, truth or dare (go crZy baby) and LOTS LF dirty talk if u wanna do smut but if u don’t then buck taking care of her while she’s drunk cause she admitted her feelings

Pairing: Bucky X Reader (Enhanced)

Summary: Since The Avengers gave you a home the only blight has been Bucky Barnes, a ghost from your past that you can’t seem to shake. It makes you hate him. The feeling, it seems, is mutual. But… a simple game reveals that maybe things aren’t quite so simple. (Post Winter Soldier AU)

Warnings: Feels, mentions of addiction, violence 

A/N: HELLO MY DARLING PRECIOUS PATIENT PUMPKINS! Did you miss these two? I know I did. This starts off domestic and then veers into like two-three completely different territories. It’s a ride that’s for sure. 

I hope y’all like it! 

Tags are open!

@midnightdream83 @mywinterwolf @disagreetoagree @breezy1415 @peachthatdrinkslemonade @wonderlandmind4  @piensa-bonito  @handplucked  @buckysstar  @sam-jae  @marauderconvos –harder @for-the-love-of-the-fandom   @meg-asaur @jewelofwinter @fairislesheets  @animegirlgeeky @lydklein1 @katecolleen @siriuslycloudy2 @zannemes

He stills your hands with his. Your eyes meet his, tears sneaking down your cheeks. He wipes them away.

“You keep your memories displayed… I shove mine in a box under my bed…”

When you had pulled all of this out you were on the verge of completely melting down. Days without sleep, hardly eating, seeing that woman’s face over and over again, the flashbacks… You wanted to remember what you were before you became a monster.

It only served to remind you of everything you lost. That’s when you’d gone to the gym when Bucky found you… You’d forgotten your misguided attempt to keep yourself together until there it was spread on your unmade bed.

There wasn’t much. Your family hadn’t been big on photos, just a few posed pictures, school photos, some holidays. But you loved photos… A grotesque amount of polaroids of your friends… people whose names you forgot or who were possibly long gone… at shows, parties, on the street. Glazed eyes, leather jackets, cigarettes hanging between smudged lips are spread out. 

Maybe the names alluded you for some but you could smell the sweat, the smoke, the whiskey. Faded flyers from underground shows at Safari Club and other D.C. and East Coast punk venues add pops of color to the mix. A few misbegotten AA coins peak out to remind you of wasted time.

You pick one up as he looks over at a photo of 15-year-old you standing stiffly between your parents in front of a Christmas tree. Your expression annoyed, kohl heavily lining your eyes, hair bleached within an inch of its life and huge.

“Is this you?!” A smile curls his lips and you almost laugh.

“Yeah, don’t judge me too much… it was the 80’s.” You flip the coin in the air and catch it. “Probably the last Christmas I spent sober.”

His brow knits and you sigh. “Hi, my name is Y/N, I’m a cocaine addict… and an alcoholic... and… you get the gist.” You toss the coin at him. He looks it over. “Nine months… as long as I ever got.” Picking up the photo of you and your parents you feel your chest tighten.

“She wanted me to be perfect. Her pride. Pushed me to be the best at everything. I was a nationally ranked athlete, excelled in everything from cross-country to martial arts, incredible at any art she threw at me, damn near a genius, graduated high school at 15, got into every Ivy League school…”

Setting it aside you pick up a photo of you and someone who’s name you do remember, Dana, your first girlfriend. “I was even excellent at being a drug addict, never OD’d, high tolerance… Others weren’t so lucky.” You toss the photo aside, not wanting to linger.

Bucky takes your hand, lacing his fingers through your own. “Who kept these for you? Family?”

“I don’t have any family.”

“But… anyone? I mean… you’re so young?”

You snort, “Is 47 young?” Jesus, you were almost 50… such a strange thought.

“Well,” he laughs a small empty sound, “in comparison.”

You nod conceding. “My Mom… she lost her family in the war… in the camps,” you can’t look at Bucky. “Dad was an only child. Fury kept them tucked away in a storage locker at S.H.I.E.L.D. after…”

He nods, “He knew your father didn’t he?”

“Yeah, they worked together…” You release his hand and push through photos to find your favorite of you and your Dad. It was from that nine-month stint of sobriety, he’d been so happy that you’d been doing well that on your 20th birthday he took you to Paris. His smile was so bright… your hand trembles a bit.

“You look happy here,” Bucky rests his cool left hand on your bouncing knee as he looks at you and your Dad, posed in typical cheesy tourist fashion in front of the Eiffel Tower.

“I was… we were…” Your voice cracks. “I never knew what he did… just thought he was some low-level diplomat, never questioned it… I don’t even know that Mom knew…”

“Was she here?”

“God no,” your eyes slide shut for a moment, remembering. “She was hardly speaking to me… I was a disappointment.”

“She didn’t…”

“Tell me that? Oh yes.” You hold up a hand as he opens his mouth, “I don’t know that she was wrong. I… I did everything I could to be the opposite of what she wanted me to be. I doused her American Dream in gasoline and set it on fire…”

“Still you’re not-”

You shrug, “Doesn’t matter. I… never got to prove otherwise.” Your eyes scan your memories, hazy and painful as most of them were.

“They killed her, ya know? Hydra…”

He gives your knee a gentle squeeze, “I assumed.”

“After my last go at rehab… I really thought… I was going to be better, I wanted to be better. Go to school, live my life, make her proud. They took that away… left her bloody on the kitchen floor.” Your skin tingles, energy pulsing through you.

“I… what about your Dad?” The look on his face is pained like he doesn’t want to ask but feels like he must.

“He killed himself.” You shake your head, “At least that’s what the official report says. “Makes sense though… wife dead, daughter missing, all because you were getting a little too close.” Glancing over at his smiling face a tear slides down your cheek, “Who could blame him?”

A small sob trips over your lips and Bucky pulls you into him. Surprising yourself still, you allow him to comfort you and allow yourself to feel this… to mourn them even a little.

Ever since being here you had tried to bury the guilt and the grief. Thinking about the void they left in you, the years you wasted, the final image of her… dead for days collapsed by the back door… It was too much. You couldn’t help but think that maybe if you’d been there, instead of in rehab, you could have saved her… even though you knew the ending would have been the same.

After a bit your sobs quiet. He’s leaned against the headboard, you’re curled into his arms, the steady beat of his heart soothing. When you look up at him his eyes are so soft, warm despite the cool color. The feeling of his fingers gently grazing your skin as he pushes stray strands of hair from your face sends shivers through you.

“Sorry…”

He smiles, “For what? Having feelings?” You shrug a little. “Well if you want to make it up to me,” he reaches across the bed a bit and grabs a picture of you sporting a particularly heinous head of Aquanet enforced hair looking like some combo of Cindy Lauper and a Clash groupie, “explain this.”

You can’t help but laugh and agree to explain your questionable fashion choices.  

The rest of the day is spent intermittently cleaning your apartment and telling Bucky what you remember of who you once were. The good, the bad, and the ugly. He listens and most importantly doesn’t judge.

When you put on some music from your own youth he's not too pleased. It was safe to say that bands such as Bad Religion and Misfits were maybe not his speed. However, he’s much more in tune with Led Zeppelin, The Rolling Stones, and surprisingly The Runaways.

“I’d say you’ll pass inspection,” Bucky says as he puts your mop in the closet.

“Definitely.” You look around and feel oddly sad. His place really was so much warmer than yours. It felt like someone actually lived there, rather than just existing.

“What’s wrong?” Your face must be showing your disdain.

“Nothing,” you flash him a smile. “So… got any dinner plans?”

The smile that lights up his face takes your breath away, “None.” He grabs your waist and pulls you close to kiss you.

“How about I cook? Your place?”

“You cook?”

“I mean, I’m no Julia Child but I can promise it will be better than those packaged meals in your fridge.”

He laughs, “I’ll take your word for it.” You grab some things from your own kitchen and a change of clothes, which he doesn’t even question before you both head down to his place.

-

Five days later Bucky watches you slip into a pair of leggings as he sips his coffee.

“Are you sure you can’t even have some coffee?”

You roll your eyes, “I’m sure, 12 hours fasting for the tests.”

“You don’t have-” You cut him off with a glare. “Fine. But if you decide you want me there-”

“I’ll call. I promise.” You toss on a tee and a cardigan.

He looks away, chewing on his bottom lip. “Hey,” you pluck the coffee from his hands and set it on the nightstand, “I’ll be ok, Buck.” Cupping his face in your hands you place a kiss on his lips. He can feel his heart stutter just a touch, he wonders if it will ever go away. You release him and he buries his face in your chest, breathing in your now familiar scent.

When he lifts his head your smile makes his breath catch. “I’ll be back in a few hours.” Your soft lips press against his forehead. All he can do is nod. 

As soon as the door closes he feels himself wilt a bit, anxiety rising with each passing moment. He wants to believe you but he knows they could accidentally trigger something in you. Be it a memory or a reaction with your power, either could have horrible consequences.

After almost an hour of running worst case scenarios, he can’t stay here anymore. He tosses on some gym clothes and texts Steve to see if he’s free to train. Bucky’s already to the gym when he gets a response of ‘No, sorry pal.’

Sighing he turns around and heads to the shooting range. Clint is already there, experimenting with some new arrows Tony whipped up for him. While Bucky usually prefers to be here alone, he doesn’t necessarily mind Clint. He’s a fellow sniper after all and doesn’t ever seem to want to force Bucky into conversations he’d rather not have. 

The two men shoot in silence for a little more than an hour before Clint pipes up. “So, you and Y/N seem to have taken a turn for the better.” He’s taken up the spot next to Bucky under the pretense of changing his angle.

“What of it?” He may like Clint but the thought of sharing details of his private life isn’t high on his to-do list.

“Nothing. I think it’s great.”

“Yeah, you and Romanoff seemed to have an opinion the other day.” Bucky’s tone is gruff remembering Clint’s quip about her owing him.

He laughs, “Just a good-natured bet. I saw the chemistry between you two.” Bucky doesn’t respond. Some mix of anger and embarrassment blooming in his chest.

“Look, man,” Clint has stepped out of his booth and is leaning on the wall between them, “people like us should take any chance at love we can and run with it. It’s rare enough for civilians and most of them don’t spend their free time getting shot at.”

The tone in his voice drips with sincerity and Bucky can’t help but look back at him, the glare quickly melting off his face. “Who said anything about love?”

Clint shakes his head smiling, “You’ll be one lucky bastard if it ends up being that Barnes. Even if it doesn’t, friends are worth a whole hell of a lot too.” He claps a hand on Bucky’s metal shoulder, “As soldiers, it’s sometimes hard to allow ourselves to be happy. You deserve it. Promise.” Bucky says nothing for a minute and Clint nods, walking away.

“Thank you,” Bucky’s tone is low, sort of unsure. He does mean it though…

“You got-”

“Sargent Barnes and Agent Barton, you’re both needed in Mr. Stark’s lab immediately.” Jarvis’ voice cuts Clint off and Bucky feels the blood drain from his face. The two men hold one another’s gaze for a fraction of a second, a flood of emotion and information being exchanged in that one fleeting moment, before sprinting to the elevator.

When they burst out of the elevator they’re met by Steve and Natasha. Everything seems fine, nothing is on fire or blown to bits so that has to be a good sign. Still, as soon as he’s got eyes on you nothing could keep him back.

You’re sitting in a chair, wires stuck to you all over leading to a computer, tendrils of white light pulsing beneath your skin. “Y/N?!”

“Hey! I’m fine,” his hands are lightly grazing your body where the wires touch you, eyes frantically searching your own for any signs of distress. “Really, Bucky, I’m fine.”

You do seem ok. He wishes he was. His heart is thundering, muscles tense, ready and willing to do whatever he needed to keep you safe. Taking a shaky breath he rests his forehead on yours, trying to calm himself.

“Sorry if we scared you, Manchurian.” Tony quips from beside the computer as he pops a baby carrot in his mouth. Bucky shoots daggers at him.

“They were able to get a lock on the specific energy signature I emit pretty quick and scan for it. We found a match.” His eyes shoot back to you, unsure if you’re glad they found something or not.

“Well,” Bruce pipes up from another monitor, “near enough anyway. Too close to her unique signature to be a coincidence.”

“Another base?” Natasha asks from behind Bucky, who’s still kneeling in front of you, unable to move away.

“That’s what we were hoping you and Clint could clear up for us,” Tony flicks some images up so everyone can see the area they narrowed the signal down to.

Your eyes dart between the two and Bucky finally looks back. The map shows a spot just outside of Cleveland. Yet another nondescript building, nothing that says den of torture about it at all. Clint and Natasha exchange a look.

“Yeah,” she holds a finger to her lips for a minute thinking. “We may have something on this, didn’t seem like much so it’s low on the list.”

“Well, it’s top priority now.” Bucky doesn’t like the tone in Steve’s voice. It’s the one he gets when he’s going to do whatever bullheaded thing he has in mind no matter the consequences.

He sees you nod in his peripheral. “When’s the soonest we can head out?”

Bucky’s glare shoots back to you. “Absolutely not!”

You raise an eyebrow at him. “Excuse me?”

“You’re not doing this.” His tone is just as stubborn as Steve’s, if not a bit more so.

You scoff, “Oh? I’m not?”

“No. You are not.”

“I hate to break it to you but you don’t get to tell me what I am and am not going to do, Bucky.” Your eyes darken just a touch as the air around you dips just a touch toward cool.

“After last time you really think this is a good idea, Y/N?!”

“No. But I’m the only one who can properly handle these assets if they attack. I’m the only one who understands even a little how this energy functions. I’m the only one-”

He can’t believe this. “So you’re just gonna throw yourself back into that?! After what almost… after… Y/N you’re being-”

“I’m doing what needs to be done. I cannot in good consciousness allow this to pass unchecked. Too many people are at risk if-”

“This isn’t a negotiation!” He bellows. “You’re my-”

“I don’t give a damn what I am to you or you to me.” It feels like you punched him in the chest. “You don’t give me orders, Barnes.”

When you look away from him to Natasha the dismissal is clear. “There’s some good surveillance footage of the area from local businesses security and traffic cams. Should be enough to establish patterns. After last time we know trying to scan is a lost cause.”

Bucky feels his rage prickle under his skin. You don’t look back to him when you’re done. Huffing he stands and stalks to the elevator, unable to be a part of this ill-begotten plan a moment longer.

-

“You know he’s coming right?” Natasha’s tone is light but she knows her words are heavy.

“Yeah.” You clip the stabilizer cuffs Tony made for you onto your belt. They were just a prototype and only to be used if you felt like you were about to lose it but they still felt strangely comforting to have. Nothing like the comfort you’d felt with Bucky… who you hadn’t seen in three days.

“Assuming you still haven’t spoken to him?”

“Not much to say.” You don’t want to have this conversation now.

“That’s bullshit.” She slips her Widow’s Bites on.

You shrug, “No. You heard how he spoke to me. In front of everyone. Like I was a fucking child like he could just say no and I’d say yessir.”

“He’s from a different time, Y/N.”

“I don’t give a fuck. It’s not 1945.” You slam your gear locker closed. “Plus, not like he’s spoken to me either.”

You barely catch a glimpse of him before he gets on the jet. Grinding your teeth you hang back for just a second.

“Need me to whoop his ass,” Sam says from behind you.

“That is not a fight I’d care to see.” You sigh, “But no. Just think we got ahead of ourselves is all.”

“Well,” he slings an arm over your shoulder, “you’ve still got me, kid.”

You laugh, “You do remember that I’m older than you right?”

“Psh, age is just a number. I got one of them old souls”

As usual Sam’s ridiculousness puts a smile on your face and by the time the two of you are boarding the jet you’re cackling. That all fades the moment you feel Bucky’s stare. Steeling yourself for the uncomfortable mission ahead you keep your eyes averted and your mind on the prize.

Things have gone smoothly for the most part. Some minor scuffles, every computer has been beyond destroyed, and no files that tell you a goddamn thing to be found but less than an hour into the mission and it seems this will be in and out. You’re not even sensing any of the telltale energy like you did last time.

You’ve all spread out a bit to try and wrap this up quickly since it all appears quiet. The area you’ve chosen is just about clear, or so you think. There’s the slightest whoosh in the air before you feel a blade nestle itself in your back.

“Fuck!” You scream as you stagger in pain and surprise. Just barely you can hear Bucky’s voice call out in the com as a foot crashes into your jaw.

It takes you a second but you get your bearings and land a blow to the asset’s abdomen. “I’m good!” No need for anyone to run to your aid when you don’t need it.

You focus a thin sliver of energy in your right hand and shoot it toward them like a tiny spear. They dodge and for a moment you think nothing of it, spinning despite the throbbing in your back from the knife wound, determined to take them out. A groan rings both in your com and from behind you followed by a thud.

Somehow you know before you even turn who’s going to be on the ground. You feel yourself somehow grow cold while also pulsing with energy, dread and rage and heartbreak crashing into you all at once. The asset forgotten, you rush to Bucky’s crumpled form on the floor.

“What the hell?!” His eyes are squeezed shut, teeth grinding in pain as he grasps the wound in his side, red sliding over his fingers.

“Heard you,” he grunts through clenched teeth. You can’t even feel the knife in your back at the moment.

“I said I was good!” You force his hands away and he groans. It’s bad, not as bad as it could be but still…

“Behind-” He doesn’t finish his statement. The asset grabs the knife and twists.

You scream, pain surging for an instant before it’s replaced with something else entirely. Thick cords of energy curl around you, pulsing in time with your suddenly steady heartbeat. There’s nothing in your mind for this moment, not even Bucky. One goal. Eliminate the target.

Pulling away the knife rips out of your back. It should feel like something. It’s just a tingle. Whirling you grab the asset by the neck. You could make this much faster than you do but… Pinning them against the wall you let your power trail down their body from your hold on their neck. They make a noise somewhere between a scream and a gurgle as superheated energy burns its way through them. It only takes a minute.

Once their eyes go dark you hurl them to the side. The sound of bones cracking. It’s then you come back to yourself, the monster sated. Bucky.

“Bucky is down. West sector cleared, I’m taking him up.”

“No, I-”

“Shut up,” you growl as you lift him.

Sam is stitching up Bucky when Nat and Steve declare the facility cleared. Nothing of value gained. They know you’re all looking for them, that’s clear enough by how quickly they abandoned this place.

The ride back is quiet. Sam takes care of the wound on your back and you can’t take your eyes off Bucky’s side. You could have killed him. If you had…

As soon as the door opens you’re bolting out. You think you’re going to run to your apartment but instead, you go to the range. Even so, all you manage to do is pace in the space anxiety thrumming through you, yet you’re unable to bring yourself to let loose the energy that almost killed him…

Before your brain knows what’s happening you’re riding the elevator up to not your apartment but Bucky’s. You know he’s in medical but he’s not hurt badly enough to stay there more than an hour or so. Pacing the hall, you wait.

The elevator doors slide open when you’re at the end of the corridor. Two voices, Steve’s and Bucky’s. You freeze.

“I’m good, promise,” you hear Bucky say.

“Alright. Call me if you need anything.” The doors slide closed and Steve is gone.

He hasn’t even opened his door before you’re on him. A small surprised noise comes from him as you turn him to face you. Logically you know he’s injured, need to be careful, but…

Your fingers tangle into his hair, pulling him to you. His kiss tastes like sweat and desperation. Tears burn your eyes as his tongue finds its way between your teeth, his arms winding around you, holding tight.

Suddenly you pull away, pushing against his chest. You punch him hard in his left pec. “You fucking idiot!” Your voice cracks.

“Yeah. I am.” A sardonic smile curls his lips. “Just for you though.”

[rohdutch]

Kisses to Write pt. 1

Pairing: Leonard McCoy x reader

Word count: 1.8k

A/N: I've wanted to do something like this for so long and it literally took forever for me to actually get off my lazy butt and do it. Basically, I found this 'kisses to write' list like a year or so ago and wrote them down, but completely forgot about them for a year. Recently, upon finding my old prompt notebook, I found the list and immediately decided I wanted to do something with them with a few different people. I guess this is a series?? Idk, but I do plan to do some more of these probably with some characters from different fandoms I'm from ig. Also, this is my first McCoy thing I've wrote and it took me a while to decide to do other people besides wrestlers bc so far, my tumblr fics have just been wrestling related. I didn't know if I wanted to have just wrestling related fics or branch out to other fandoms that I'm in, but since my blog is already a mess I thought why not? :/

If you wanna be on my taglist for McCoy lemme know bc I do plan to do some stuff with him in the future, it's just gonna take me a while to adapt to the whole multifandom writing thing.

Ugh. Okay too much talking on my part. Enjoy!

Editing this in after the fact, but tagging @musikat18 bc ik Karl's your guy and you're kinda the whole reason I even started watching any of his stuff soooo yeah.

-

Morning kisses - barely awake kisses that usually end up on jaws or cheeks bc A is too tired to land it properly. B makes a sleepy sound and rolls into A, nuzzling their face into their neck, ankles hooking together while A drapes their arms around B and they fall back asleep for a while.

"Leo," you whispered softly, interrupting the silence of your bedroom. When you received no response you preceded to roll over, the comforter rolling beneath you. "Leo," you spoke a bit louder this time, but the body lying next to you stayed still, the only movement being made was his nose crinkling slightly.

You were still half asleep and the window in your room didn't allow in much light from the morning sun which resulted in the kiss you had intended for Leonard's lips landing on his jaw instead. You stiffled your giggles at the way his face scrunched up when you tried again, this time your lips landing on his cheek.

Leonard let out a sleepy groan, opening one eye to look at you lying on your stomach next to him. "What are you doing?"

You bit your lip as you smiled. Leonard's hair was mussed from sleep and his accent was out in full force due to his sleepiness. "Trying to wake you."

Leonard closed his eyes, letting out another groan as he threw an arm over his face. "What time is it?"

"Going on 7," you told him, turning slightly to glance at the clock on your bedside table. As you went to look back at Leonard's figure next to you, you were surprised by him rolling over and turning you on your back, earning a yelp from you.

Leonard just hummed in response, wrapping his arms around you and hooking your legs together, resulting in a tangle of limbs. You let out a laugh when he nuzzled his face into your neck, letting your own arms wrap around his bare shoulders.

"Go back to sleep."

"But-"

"No buts," Leonard said, his voice slightly muffled against your neck, "we're on leave so no getting up before 10 am. Doctor's orders."

You smiled at that. Just as you opened your mouth to inform Leonard that since you were on leave, that meant he currently wasn't in doctor mode, but the light snores vibrating against your neck stopped you. Instead you let yourself relax into the comfort of your bed and Leonard's arms around you as you closed your eyes. "Understood, Doctor."

-

"I thought I lost you" kisses - the breath is knocked out of both of them with the force that they collide with. Hands grip the back of t-shirts, holding them close, feeling the warmth of their skin. Palms are pressed to cheeks, thumbs wiping away tears until their mouths meet messily, the world seeming to disappear around them.

It seemed like time stopped when your eyes landed on Leonard, and you found your feet moving without your say so. And then you were running, and you thought you were crying, but you weren't really sure. In that moment, all you were sure about was Leonard running towards you and meeting you halfway. You were in his arms in seconds, the breath knocked out of both of you as your arms curled around each other. You didn't even care that there were people watching, all you cared about was that he was here and that he was safe.

Leonard's hands found the back of your shirt, his fingers grasping at the fabric as he whispered your name, the sound barely audible over the noise of Yorktown around you. "I thought I lost you," he said, and you could hear the shakiness of his voice. "Good God, I thought I'd lost you."

"Me too," you replied, pulling back slightly and reaching up to run your hands over his cheeks to the back of his neck. "I was so worried. About you, about the crew...I was terrified that none of you would make it." You placed a hand over your mouth to muffle the sob that threatened to escape, and now you were sure that you were crying.

In the chaos of everything happening on Yorktown—where you had been staying while the Enterprise was on their rescue mission—you hadn't bothered worrying about your own safety. You had been too concerned about the safety of the Enterprise crew and the rest of the inhabitants of Yorktown to worry about your own and, more than once, it had led to you putting yourself at risk. In the end, though, everyone and everything had turned out okay. Knowing this information had helped put you at ease, but your emotions still ran high after the whole situation was over.

"Hey," Leonard said, his hands grabbing your face and swiping at your cheeks. "We're okay. We made it back to each other and we're safe."

You could see the tears threatening to fall from his eyes as he spoke and you felt a rush of many different emotions course through you all at once. You found yourself falling into Leonard, your lips pressing messily against his, letting the world around you fade away. Then his mouth was on your cheek, your nose, anywhere he could press his lips to. You let your eyes close and he pressed his lips there too, against your right eyelid, then your left as you relaxed into his embrace and caresses.

"We're okay," he repeated, pressing his lips against yours once more before pulling your flush against him, just holding you. "We're okay."

-

"We can't do this" kisses - fists clenched, hands shoved into pockets. Brows low or brought together, jaws clenched. A feeling like a magnetic pull between them. Their foreheads press together, their lips brush just barely, until B pulls away with a shaking exhale, forehead dropping into A's neck.

You could feel the tension in Leonard's body as he pressed his forehead gently against yours. Even though this action was gentle, the rest of his body was anything but.

His jaw was clenched, and his brows were brought together like he was thinking hard (which he probably was). His hands, which up until a few moments ago had been shoved inside his pockets, were now on your hips, his fingers gripping tightly as if he were trying to prevent his hands from moving elsewhere. His breath was warm against your lips and you allowed yourself to tilt your head slightly, letting your lips brush against his, if only briefly. This resulted in Leonard letting out a shaky exhale as his grip on your hips loosened and his forehead dropped into your neck.

"We can't do this," he stated simply, and you found yourself bringing your arms up to rest around his shoulders, one of your hands brushing over the hair at the nape of his neck. "We can't."

You only nodded. You knew that letting something happen between the two of you could be dangerous. You had seen the things Uhura and Spock had went through to keep their relationship intact and although seeing them work out gave you hope, it also terrified you to no end.

What if it didn't work out? The two of you would still be required to work together if that happened, and you could only imagine how painful that would be. There was also the fact that Leonard had already been through one relationship that had ended terribly and left him feeling so broken. You knew he had concerns about getting into another relationship even after all this time.

But you didn't know if you wanted to just let him go; you didn't know if you could let him go. After all this time you two had finally found your way to each other and you weren't sure if you could just let all of that go so easily.

"Lee," you murmured his name softly, moving your hands to his neck in an attempt get him to look at you. "Leo, hey, c'mon, look at me." When he finally brought his head up, you gave him a soft smile and moved your hands to his cheeks. "Do you trust me?"

Leonard watched you carefully, releasing a deep breath as he did so. Slowly, he nodded.

"Okay. Then I need you to trust me on this." You pulled his face to yours, pressing your foreheads together again as your noses bumped against each other. "Trust me," you whispered, closing your eyes and pressing your lips to his.

-

"Come to bed" kisses - A has their hand on B's neck, murmuring the phrase softly. A's hands slide down B's arms to their hands, lacing their fingers together and slowly starting to pull B towards their bedroom. A continues to pepper B with kisses all the while, trailing them down their jaw and neck.

Leonard felt you before he saw you, your hand on the back of his neck as he was taking a sip of the coffee he had left bed to make.

"Come to bed," you murmured, pressing a kiss to the side of his neck.

"Just making some coffee first, darlin'," he explained as your hand moved down his arm, grabbing the hand that wasn't holding his drink and lacing your fingers together.

You smiled as Leonard allowed you to pull on his hand, walking backwards as you dragged him back to your shared bedroom.

"Y'know," Leonard started, pausing to take another sip from his mug, "your combination of bed head and my old Academy t-shirt is real nice. Maybe you should pair the two together more often."

You smirked at his smug look, stopping suddenly and letting him bump against you. You took advantage of his shock and pressed your lips to his briefly, quickly wiping the smug look off his face.

Leonard frowned at you when you pulled away. "You almost made me spill my coffee."

You smiled cheekily as you preceded to pull him to your bedroom. "I know."

Leonard rolled his eyes when you finally reached the room and practically skipped over to the bed, quickly finding your way back under the covers. Leonard chuckled when you motioned for him to hurry up and made his way over to his side of the bed, sliding under the covers when you held them open for him.

"Try not to spill coffee all over our comforter, please."

Leonard laughed at your words, resting his back against the headboard while you cuddled up against his side, his free arm looping around your shoulders. He let out a small moan against the rim of his mug when your lips moved against his neck, then his jaw.

"Sweetheart, keep doing that and I don't think we'll be leaving this bed anytime soon."

You smiled against his skin. "Good thing we're on leave then, huh?"

[welovekpopscenarios]

Stepping Back (Jaehyun x Reader)

Admin: Mimi

Prompt/Ask: Hello :-)) please can I request an nct scenario? One where you're dating johnny but jaehyun is in love with you? Possibly from jaehyun's POV?? Anyway sorry you can decide on the ending :-) thanks!!!

Fandom: NCT 127

Genre: Angst

Pairing: Jaehyun x Reader; Johnny x Reader

Warnings: Language

Word Count: 2384

A/N: *cracks knuckles* angst is my forte (apparently). Plus, writing for a bias wrecker is dangerous bc it makes you fall in love with them more. DOESN’T HELP THAT JOHNNY IS MY BIAS EITHER. Happy reading!

Once, when Jaehyun was just a child on the cusp of his teenage years, he was in love.

He was sure it was love, for isn’t love when your heart gets faster at the sight of a person? When your palms feel sweaty and you stumble over your words? When that person has the ability to make your whole entire day with a single smile, not even always aimed in your direction?

Yes, Jaehyun was in love for the first time in his life, with sweet Yujin who’s eyes were as brown as chocolate and shined brighter than a star, and it was a wonderful feeling.

Emphasis on ‘it was’, because soon whatever feelings he thought he had were crushed by the fact that Johnny, his best friend, practically his brother, also liked little Yujin with all his heart.

And that’s where things got complicated.

Jaehyun believed that he had fallen for Yujin first, and being the young boy that he was, he felt that that reason alone warranted him the ability to talk to her and ask her out to the movies so she would fall in love with him too. But Johnny disagreed, said he saw her first, and that he should be the one to try and win her heart.

Bitterness boiled between them like a hot spring, and soon the once inseparable pair turned their backs on each other, found other friends to play with, blatantly ignored each other when they passed by in the school halls, and soon enough it was if they were never even best friends to begin with. All because of a girl.

But Jaehyun being Jaehyun couldn’t stand losing someone who he considered a brother. And so, he did what his parents taught him to: he sucked up his pride for the sake of a friend and apologised. Johnny was in no better state than Jaehyun was, absolutely torn over the fight he was, over a girl who wasn’t even worth it in the end, and when Jaehyun said sorry, he asked to make a pact. Should there ever be another girl they are both interested in, one will step back in order for the other to be happy, and they will never, ever, let another girl come between them like Yujin did.

Jaehyun thought it a solid pact, and when they completed a spit shake and ran off towards the football field to play, Jaeyhun vowed in his head that he would not allow what happened with Yujin to ever happen again. His friendship with Johnny meant everything.

And for years, Jaehyun and Johnny lived by this pact, allowing one man to slide in and get the girl rather than arguing about it and letting jealousy take over them. And they were cool with it, it was a system that worked for years, and they were ok. When Jaehyun went out with Gayoon when they were sixteen, Johnny was ok with it. When Johnny was asked out by Dahae to prom, Jaehyun was fine, and went with someone else. Jaehyun was ok with everything, and when Johnny went away to an abroad summer camp just before college started, Jaehyun was still ok with everything.

What he was not ok with was two months later Johnny arrived home and greeted Jaehyun at the airport with a huge bear hug and the most beautiful girl Jaehyun has ever seen with her arm linked around Johnny’s left, and Jaehyun knew he was truly fucked, because his stomach did the most violent yet delightful somersaults, and his heart beat faster than the motorbike he learned to ride that summer.

His mind screamed at him to remember the pact, the one that saved his precious friendship with Johnny all those years ago, the one that keeps said friendship happy and functional. But it was hard to remember that when you gave a smile bright enough to rival the sun and introduced yourself, and Jaehyun felt like the luckiest man alive to have you even look in his direction. Except, he wasn’t the luckiest man alive; Johnny was, for he could see it in the way your eyes twinkled like the stars that shine above the world every night whenever you looked at him, saw it in the way you’d smile warmer than any fire burning in a cosy home any time Johnny spoke, be it about something he loves or making another one of his dumb jokes. Saw it, painfully, in the way your fingers would intertwine like two puzzle pieces, slotting together perfectly as if they were meant to be that way for all of time.

He tried to put as much distance as possible between himself and you, ignored the agonising pain in his heart whenever he pictured you in his mind, and tried to space out whenever Johnny rambled on about all the perfect things about you that only served to make Jaehyun fall deeper in love with you. He looked at romance films in minor disgust now, the saying ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ only serving to make his blood boil, and any sign of couples he’s seen just made him want to crawl into a dark hole and wallow in his misery of a one-sided love he refused to admit.

Johnny was adamant about the both of you bonding – something about it being an initiation process for you before you could really fall in love with Johnny; if you got on well with Jaehyun then you were perfect for him and he could spend the rest of his days with you by his side, Jaehyun being left to watch on the sidelines. Jaehyun just gave a strained laugh and thought nothing of it, thought that the few times he had encountered you were enough, said that you were nice (which, he thought, was the understatement of the century), and that would be that. But when Johnny sneakily organised for the two of you to meet in a café under the guise of meeting him, Jaehyun had no other option than to stay in that coffeehouse with you and bask in the bitter glory of having you all to himself for an hour or two despite wanting nothing more than to run from the café and hide from his feelings.

He thought it was going to be incredibly awkward, and while that hurts his pride and hurts even more with the fact that it was the perfect way to push you further away from him, it ended up being anything but. Jaehyun can’t ever remember having a simple coffee with someone being as relaxed and as amazing as this, and he literally has to keep pinching the skin of his arm under the table to remind himself that this was not a date, you were Johnny’s girlfriend, and he would only ever simply be your friend. You make that incredibly difficult, however, when you share practically every like and dislike he has, proving yourself to be what he considers his actual soulmate, and the pinching of his arm gets more severe as one hour turns to nearly five as you both sat in the cosy alcove of the café because no, no, no, he couldn’t do this, not to Johnny. Not again.

You become a frequent part of his life now, just like Johnny, and Jaehyun honestly can’t say he dislikes the intrusion, in spite of his current predicament of being totally and utterly in love with you. The guilt weighs down on his chest like an anchor, suffocating him so badly that some nights he wakes in a cold sweat after you plague his dreams, absolutely sweet and something he craves but doing nothing whatsoever to help his situation. It’s worse when he sits with Johnny and you, has to keep his eyes from drifting to your saccharine lips that he longs to kiss, so badly it puts a dead weight in the pit of his stomach and leaves him feeling ill with betrayal.

He doesn’t know how many times he’s wished to be in Johnny’s place, and the jealousy that burns through him could make him gag if he doesn’t control himself, because not once, not even the Yujin situation, had he been this envious of Johnny getting the girl.

The girl of his dreams, the one he would undoubtedly bring home to meet his parents, the one he’d hope to marry and call his wife.

“Jaehyun?”

He’s knocked out of sombre thoughts by the trill of your voice, looking over to his right to see you seated beside him on the bench by the pier, a frown of concern marring your graceful features. It was scorching day; sun beating down on the city and its inhabitants with the highest temperatures its seen yet. A perfect contrast to his mood, dragged by Johnny and you to make the most of the weather and take a trip down to the pier to soak up the sun. Johnny had insisted that every sunny trip requires heaps of ice cream, and with that in mind he took off to find the closest stand he could, effectively leaving Jaehyun alone with you to stare out at the big and beautiful blue ocean.

“Are you listening to me, sleepyhead?” you chuckled amiably, a smile worthy of rivalling a queen, and he almost forgot the question aimed at him. He groaned internally at being caught day dreaming about you – once again – and licked his lips before answering.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something. Ignore me. What were you saying?” he asked, intending on redirecting the focus of the conversation on you, but he should know better, because when you notice something’s wrong you aren’t one to drop it. Your caring nature doesn’t allow it, and Jaheyun both loves and hates it in this moment.

“No, something is bothering you. I’ve noticed it recently, and I’m here for you, you know that. Don’t you?” He knows that too well. “So, do you want to talk about it?” you offer, hoping to relieve some weight off his broad shoulders but the irony of your concern tastes foul in his mouth. No one could help him with this problem.

He stays silent for a moment as he thought of ways to get out of this conversation or diverting it to a reasonable topic, tonguing his cheek in contemplation. When something sprung to mind, he opened his mouth before his brain could decide whether or not it was a bad idea.

“My friend and I watched this…movie, the other night. In it, there was a love triangle between two best friends and this girl. The girl was already with one of the guys, but the other friend loved her so much, with all his heart,” he explained, feeling sweat forming in his palms as you stared at him intently. Fuck, maybe this was a mistake. “O-Obviously, he can’t do much about it, because even though he loves her, he cares about his best friend’s feelings. But my friend and I were just wondering what he could do, if it was a real situation. Should he just fess up and try to get the girl?”

You dropped your gaze to your lap, biting your lip in concentration. All was silent except for the scratching of Jaehyun’s nails on the wooden bench, his nerves eating away at him as he waited for your reply. He messed up, he felt it, you caught on. You know what he feels, and now everything was ruined.

“That’s a tricky situation,” you finally announced after an agonising wait, and he blinked in surprise, eyebrows inching their way up to his hairline. You continued on, completely oblivious to his expression and to the double meaning behind his hypothetical situation, and gave your own two cents on the problem. This should be interesting.

“While I think honesty is the best policy, because it always is,” you added with a nod and exaggerated wave of your hands, “I think, in this type of circumstance, his friendship should be placed above his love for the girl.”

He almost laughed but the tightening of his throat stopped him from doing so, so he settled for nodding his head and choking out “go on.”

“Well, he knew his friend longer. And he should want what’s best for his friend, so if it means giving up the girl he’s in love with, then I think he should. He’ll get over her eventually, you know? Why ruin a friendship over something like that?” you laughed, and the light notes sounded distorted in his ears amongst the background of seagulls squawking and the ocean waves.

This was it. This was what he had been denying all along, been putting off simply because he had not wanted to think on it. A part of him felt like he really could get the girl, still does. But to hear it from your own mouth was quite the eye opener, the ice-cold water he needed splashed to his face. He knows you’re right, as much as hates it, as much as he wants to reverse time and never have this conversation. But he knows that won’t happen, and he needs to face the music.

Needs to give you up.

You look at him questioningly, looking for an answer in return to your opinion. He just makes a noise in agreement, just in time for Johnny to return, hands full of the sweet, refreshing ice-cream you longed for. Your face brightens as he walks over, and Jaehyun squashes down the green monster clawing his way up Jaehyun’s chest. He can’t make an appearance anymore, he shouldn’t. Jaehyun needs to move on.

Looking over at the pair of you, he sighs quietly to himself, scooping up some of the creamy substance and popping it into his mouth. He’s never seen Johnny look as drunk in love as he does with you, not any girl in their lives ever did that. And Jaehyun realises he can’t get in the way of that.

He fought with Johnny over a girl before, and it didn’t turn out well. But with this girl, Jaehyun is going to step back despite the misery settling deep in his heart. For the sake of his friend.

He has to.

[missthornbirds]

fic recap 2016

thank you for the tag @hashtagartistlife​!

total number of completed stories: 8

total word count:

completed works? about 7,792 but if we count these guys...

aka all the fics i am working on i totally swear--

then that brings me up to 16,297.

fandoms written in: lmao i’ve sold my soul to bleach and only bleach

looking back, did you expect to write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?

so basically my writing process this year has been to write like a mad woman during every break i have since, during the semester i’m so busy with school work. i’m actually really proud of myself for writing as much as i did! i’ve written some original stuff too that isn’t posted anywhere, so the amount of fanfic that i have managed to write definitely exceeded my expectations. the trash ending of bleach this year also helped fuel my writing with salt :)

what’s your own favorite story of the year?

“their places” is very near and dear to my heart because it was a piece that helped me nail down my characterization of rukia. other than that, i really like “summer thunder”, since it was my first ishihime fic and the beginning of my descent into true hell over this ship. i remember i wrote it around the beginning of the last arc, before we found out ishida wasn’t on the side of the quincies, and i was super disappointed that we weren’t getting an ishida arc revolving around his split loyalty to his friends and his blood. @.kubo what the fuck!!!! wasted potential!!!! coulda had good ishihime angst!!!!

did you take any writing risks this year?

lmao i tried my hand at writing nsfw.....which is that unfinished “lace” file up there but uhhh for completed works no i was p safe except for including post-686 adultery i guess??? i’ve kinda noticed that my fic writings have set formats that i’ve been struggling to break out of.

do you have any fanfic or profit goals for the new year?

break outta those damn formats! seriously, all my fics start off with a topic sentence, then kinda unnecessary description, and THEN we get to plot so i’m definitely gonna try to mix it up in 2017 (in my way too short breaks from school sigh)

i’m also aiming to finish all those fics of course but we’ll see how that goes idk

best story of the year?

uh...objectively speaking, my best writing might have come up in “to want” and “waning and waxing”. for both of those, the end vignettes came to me very clearly and i sort of structured those fics around getting to those bits of writing.

most popular story of the year?

“and the rain left” was by far my most popular of the year and wow :’/ i wonder :’/ why :’/ that would be :’//////

@.bleach thanks for fueling the entire ichiruki fandom with enough salt to rewrite 686 in 802850289280584202 different ways. truly a creative blessing

story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion:

“the captain of the tenth division” i just...love matsumoto rangiku so much and i felt personally attacked by kubo never revealing her bankai bc I KNOW SHE HAS IT KUBO DON’T DO ME LIKE THIS. no i do not hate toshiro and hoped he’d die. i just think his death would have made this entire war so much more interesting (byakuya’s too btw)

tbh i don’t think any of my fics are “under-appreciated” but i think the fandom does have thirst for pairing-centric writing bc honestly? don’t we all

most fun story to write:

“and the rain left” was my coping mechanism when i heard that bleach, my long love of 7 fucking years, was ending, and i’m pretty fuckin sure i went through the 7 stages of grief while writing this damn thing. i put a lot of thought into this one honestly bc i wanted to get this conversation right so badly as a goodbye to my favorite manga. middle school megan shed some tears writing this tbh

story with the single sexiest moment:

LOL ok here’s a snippet from “lace”:

Ichigo pulls back from the heat suddenly, panting, staring at her from mere inches away. “Christ, Rukia,” he says, breathless, gaze roving her face, down her body, lingering where they still touch. His brown eyes flick back up to hers. “When’d you get so fucking sexy?” He slides his hand up her side to cup her breast again, staring at her nipple in something akin to awe as it perks up under his thumb.

THAT’S REALLY EMBARRASSING TO POST OMG--

otherwise, orihime and ishida fucked against the counter in “to want” sooo there’s that.

most sweet story:

“and the rain left” bc i really just want ichigo and rukia to cuddle on his bed while sunlight filters over them ok

”holy crap, thats wrong, even for you!” story:

UMMMMM NOBODY KNOWS THIS YET BUT i am currently working on a fic where unagiya ikumi (that’s ichigo’s freelance boss from the fullbring arc in case anyone forgot bc i damn sure did before i started committing this Sin) thinks ichigo is hot but is ultimately angsty bc he’s literally a 17yo kid but he’s also always shirtless and sweaty moving boxes around in her house.

meanwhile ikumi reminds ichigo of rukia so there’s angst about that and he lowkey has weird sexual feelings for her too and...do they bang? do they not? who knows!!! find out when i finish confessing my sins to a priest

story that shifted my own perceptions of the characters & most unintentionally telling story:

“to want” was primarily written in order for me to think long and hard about how ishihime and ichiruki work post-686. i have some other headcanons floating around about this, but this fic really helped me with the idea that ichigo and rukia’s relationship later on in life, when it finally does take a turn, leaves everyone hurt in some way, and maybe they’re not the good guys anymore just bc they’re in love. idk

hardest story to write:

fuckin “waning and waxing” had to be pulled outta my ass for like the first half of it bc i wanted to frame the whole thing around the ending. i like how i came out overall, but i’m still not quite happy with how it begins.

biggest disappointment:

not actually finishing all my bleach fics before bleach itself ended. i really wanted to but school started up again the week 686 came out, so i didn’t have time to properly Angst all over a word document

biggest surprise:

lmao that i still managed to finish 8 fics this year regardless! for real that’s a small number compared to other people but i have always been a suuuuuuuuuuuper slow writer (a 3 page short story once took me 2 years to finish. i am constantly in pain.) so 8? 8?! i applaud myself.

imma tag @clrtsycat!