#no I was just regular frustrated with social things that day actually I didn't hate anyone but I'm about to hate you

[boyduvet]

I like Tumblr because I can do things like say 'IM SAD TODAY' or talk about my day or rb things or whatever else and it's very low stakes I don't have to do like this shit [took this bit out lol it did not need to see the light of day in a public forum]

idk man maybe I should get a journal I used to have one of those and it made my sleep and memory better why did I stop that actually

[sodamnelectrocute]

This is just a bunch of venting, scroll on.

I'm so frustrated with everything. The cognitive dissonance that's required to just get through the day is draining me. I'm throwing myself into these passion projects that do not pay me. Yet they are like the only things that are keeping me sane...relatively speaking anyway.

But even in trying to do these things I care about, I'm finding that my values aren't in complete alignment with the people that I am working with. And it's like impossible to agree on everything, but why is it so damn hard to find people who actually aren't flippant and blasé about the literal pandemic that is still ongoing? Why is it that ableism always falls short on the list of priorities that so-called leftists or liberals give a fuck about? How can you claim to care about community if you are weak on this issue?

I love the people in my life and I don't feel that love reciprocated. It's not enough for me to wear a mask if the people around me aren't also wearing a mask. I know that if you aren't wearing a mask then you aren't caring for me. You don't care about your own health let alone my health or the health of the community.

I've been thinking about the ways that I've crossed my own boundaries, the ways that I've felt compromised. Doing a lot of self-reflection regarding internalizabilism and the state of our society and everything. And I don't know how long this is going to go on. It's like unfortunately the majority of us have accepted that covid is in inevitability even though it can be preventable if we take the right measures. Like even if we were doing things imperfectly but still making an effort, that would be significantly better than most people just adopting a whatever attitude about it.

I hate going to work and having to be professional and get along with people who don't wear a mask. Today I saw a co-worker who I haven't seen in at least a month. And the first thing out of their mouth was how they had covid and they don't think that they have long covid. And they said they're still recovering. And they were saying all of this to me completely bare-faced. It is absolutely mind-boggling to me that someone could experience covid and go about everything like it's just a cold.

It's year five of this awful fucking pandemic. I didn't think that we would still be here. And we are tired. And we want to feel normal. As humans we are social creatures and we're not meant to live in isolation. But why are we not protecting each other?

I just want to build community and connect with people.

I also want to feel like a regular human. I want to hang out with people and not think about any of this shit.

But I can't keep crossing my own boundaries and making exceptions to fit in with people. Why do I even want to fit in with people whose values aren't aligned with mine?

[squadrah]

From My CuriousCat

"Could you do another daily routine thing, like you did with Prosciutto and Formaggio? Any character of your choice"

I chose Illuso for this one, so here's a typical day for him!

Sleeps in and gets up later than anyone else, which is fine because if you think his attitude is shitty on the regular, he's even worse when he has to be up early. Usually misses breakfast, but it's not a problem because he's one of the few team members who actually uses the kitchenette in their apartment (again I headcanon them as having an entire apartment block to themselves as their base and home), and tends to make himself breakfast from whatever he has stashed away in the cupboards.

Brushes teeth after breakfast and checks his appearance. Showers, and if necessary, he goes to town on his hair with a boar bristle brush. He only washes his hair on the weekends because it's a labor-intensive endeavor; at the same time, he always wants his hair to look well-kempt, and is one of those people who can get away with brushing until the time comes to wash.

Finally emerges downstairs, where he tries to socialize with dubious success. Will always join the others for lunch if it's at home - free food, usually zero effort on his part -, if not, he will head out and get something for himself. Treats himself on the way (read: shoplifts with Man In The Mirror), has lunch, then spends an hour or so in some transitional space like a rest stop or the airport, where nobody is likely to approach or pay any attention to him. Runs minor errands for himself only.

Eventually gets home, where he grabs some merenda and tries to socialize again. If it somehow works out, he internally pats himself on the back. If not, he goes back to his apartment and tries to do exercises to work off the frustration. Stops before he might actually work up a sweat like an animal, yuck. As if he'd ever need to break a sweat! (Is one of those people who can eat whatever they want and look amazing and everyone hates him for it.)

Psyches himself up to declutter according to Prosciutto's instructions, who knows about Illuso's hoarder tendencies, has been to his apartment, has promised to help him, and now assigns him a certain corner as his target every week (asking him to do it daily didn't work out). Declutters as much as he can. Mourns in silence as he tosses wrappers and junk into the complementary garbage bag provided for the task. Calls it a day when he gets too emotional.

Oh shit, it's dinner time. Goes downstairs to see what everybody's plans are, but tends to just eat leftovers at home. Depending on his mood, he'll drop a hint that he wants to socialize, at which point Formaggio takes pity on him and gathers enough people for party games after dinner.

Has enough of that after like an hour and tells everyone he's going to bed, but everyone knows he's binging soap operas into the dead of night because he's sometimes joined by fellow fans slash insomniacs.

[spencers-dria]

Turn for the Better

Someone To Stay Ch. 1

Spencer x fem!reader

Spencer POV:

I open my eyes and glance around the room. It's darker than I remember. I must have fallen asleep reading on the couch again. I glance down and see a pile of books on the rug. Oh yeah...I only made it through about four books this time before I nodded off. I sigh in frustration that I'm awake. Might as well get up I suppose.

I wander into the kitchen and pull open the fridge only to be met with a jar of peanut butter, week old left overs, and a half empty jug of juice. Next.

I try again with the pantry. Almost completely bare. I guess this is what happens when you stop going to the grocery store. I settle on a cup of apple juice and a bag of chips... better than nothing right?

I slump back down onto the couch and pull my green wool blanket over me. As I stare up at my ceiling, as I begin to let my mind wander. But this was dangerous territory. I have to keep my mind occupied, I just have to. So I quickly sit back up and turn the TV to one of my favorite Dr. Who episodes. They say that anxious people re-watch the same shows because they find the familiarity comforting. I could definitely understand the feeling.

It was the weekend, which meant I wasn't called into work. Cases had been slow lately, as we spent quite a bit of time doing paperwork back at the office. Unfortunately for me, this meant less distractions. Distractions were good. Distractions were necessary. They are the only way I make it through the days anymore.

Things had finally returned to normal for me back at work. I was going into the field, and it felt like my coworkers were no longer tiptoeing around me. I hate when they do that, and it bothers me more than any amount of teasing ever could. I'm not so delicate, so easily breakable. Look at everything I have been through, everything I have endured. Yet here I am, still alive, still doing my job. I didn't need to be babied. So it was a relief when I felt the regular rapport I shared with my friends return. They had gone back to the sarcastic remarks and silly nicknames. I was grateful for it. They did, however, continue to check up on me. This was something that I did appreciate. They've seen me go down a dark road once before. I have no intentions of ever returning. I was stronger than that... I think. All I know is I have held on this long without resorting to any unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Coping mechanisms...oh how I wish I had something to make the healing process easier. Having a fairly empty social calendar left me alone often. Normally I would find comfort in the peace and quiet of my solitary apartment, but not quite so much lately. I couldn't very well make plans to go out, and I wouldn't even know how to begin to do that. Who would want to hang out with me right now anyways? I'd be a damper on the fun, and everyone knows it. That's probably why my friends stopped inviting me to the nights at the bar.

There I go again, letting my mind slip into a dark hole of anxiety. Its not a safe place to be. I quickly turn my attention back to the show in front of me, letting it drown out all other thoughts.

The ring of my phone quickly draws my attention away. Finally...another case! I jump up to answer, seeing the name on my screen: Derek Morgan. That's odd. Usually Hotch or Garcia call to notify us of a new case.

"Hello?" I answer, confusion lacing my voice.

"Pretty Boy! Buzz me up!"

Well now I'm even more confused. Derek never comes to my apartment. I quickly press the button letting him into the building and opening my apartment door, waiting for him to arrive.

As he comes up the stairs, he gives me a grin shouting, "Come on man! Get dressed. We're goin' out!"

I roll my eyes and retreat back into the apartment, Derek close behind me.

I sink back onto the couch, my eyes glued to the television as I tune him out.

"Aw c'mon. Don't be like that. How long have you been sitting there watching TV? Have you done anything else today, at all?"

I don't answer, I don't even look at him.

"Oh, let me guess. You've been reading all day, huh?"

"Wow, can't get anything past you huh?" I say dryly, regretting my tone as soon as the words left my mouth.

"Alright that it. You've been cooped up in here too long. Like I said before, we're going out. And I'm not taking no for an answer" he says sternly, raising an eyebrow at me.

I finally look up at him as I roll my eyes.

"You know I can kick your ass right?" Derek smirks.

"Fine" I concede. "Well...where are we going? I don't know what to wear unless you tell me what our plans are."

"Don't pretend you don't wear the same fancy button ups no matter where you end up going."

I let out a small laugh...he's got me there.

"Dinner at Rossi's. I know pretty boys are high maintenance but, hurry up or you'll make us late!" I smile at the nickname. Same old Derek.

Y/N POV:

You let out a sigh of relief as you watched your coworker approach you, ready to receive report. It had been a particularly busy shift, and you were ready to get some much-needed rest. You walked to each patient room, giving Clementine summary of the day and the latest updates on labs and vital signs. You stepped into each room with her, checking one last time to make sure each of your patients was doing well and didn't need anything else before you left. Normally you and Clem would spend some time catching up and making jokes, but she could tell you were tired and needed to be home more than anything. You wished her good luck on her shift as you made your way to the break room. After putting away your stethoscope and the large collection of pens, pencils, and markers you kept in your pockets, you finally headed towards the elevator to leave for the day.

You opened the door to your apartment to be greeted by your dog, Juneau. She was a rescue you adopted a few months back. She still needed to make progress, but she had really warmed up to you and your friends and seemed much more comfortable in her new home. After feeding her dinner and taking her for a short walk, you heated up a quick frozen dinner and sunk into your couch.  Curling up in your blanket, you spent a few minutes browsing through different streaming services only to land on The Office, as usual.  Your mind drifts to what your next few days might consist off. You just so happened to land 4 days off in a row, but you had no idea how you would spend your time. You glanced down at your phone as it lit up.  It was your Uncle Will.

"Hey, whats up!" you chimed, glad to hear from your favorite uncle.

"Hey, (Y/N). I'm actually calling to invite you to a dinner some friends of mine are having tomorrow night. I know your schedule is real busy. But I haven't seen you much since you moved up here to Virginia! I know you haven't met many people here yet, but I think I can help you make a start. "

The kind gesture made you smile. You had always been fairly close with your father's side of the family. He had grown up in Louisiana and met your mother at a college in Texas. You spent your childhood in Houston but frequently visited the Cajun half of your family. Uncle Will had moved away once he fell in love with Jenifer Jareau, his now wife, and you hadn't seem much of him the past few years. But as luck would have it, your nursing career had lead you to a hospital in Fredericksburg, VA. You felt extremely lucky to have family nearby, or else you would have been completely alone. But sometimes you still felt that way, which is why you were so grateful for his offer.

"That actually sounds great! I am off for the next four days, and I didn't really have anything planned. Who will I be meeting at this dinner?"

"Well it's some of JJ's coworkers. They're like a second family to us, and I know they'll be just as welcoming to you. I already told them you moved up here, and they've been begging to meet you."

"Aww I can't wait to see Aunt JJ and my sweet little cousin, Henry! Its been so long since I came to visit you guys. I think Henry was barely two years old the last time I saw him."

"Well we all hope to see you a lot more now that you're here. You're like a daughter to us, Y/N. You are welcome to visit any time you like. I know nursing is a stressful job, and it can take a toll. Its important to have family and friends around you when things get tough." You could hear that this was a genuine offer and you fully planned to take him up on it in the future. Being alone in a new state was taking its toll.

"So where and when should I plan to meet for dinner?"

"I'll text you the address real quick. Everyone is planning to meet around 6. It shouldn't be too far of a drive. It's one of JJ's coworker's houses. David Rossi. He's a real easygoing guy, and he loves cooking for everyone. He loves meeting new people even more, so you should feel right at home!"

"Sounds like a fun time. Thank you again for thinking to invite me. I'm really looking forward to it!"

"Alright boo, talk to you later."

You smiled at the pet name used by the entire Louisiana side of your family. I guess the north had yet to steal his southern roots. You hung up the phone. You finally had plans. It would be nice to talk to someone who wasn't a coworker.  It would also be your first excuse to dress up since moving and starting your new job. Too excited to wait, you jumped up from the couch and began to rifle through your closet for something to wear. You didn't want to be too over or underdressed. You grabbed a black spaghetti strap fit and flare dress and throw it on with some black panty hose, a lightweight maroon cardigan, and some black heels. You snapped a quick photo in the mirror and shoot a text to Aunt JJ.

Y/N: Apparently I'm joining y'all for dinner tomorrow night...is this too much???

Aunt JJ: I heard! I can't wait!

And oh my goodness, no! You look gorgeous! It will be perfect.

Also...Henry is so excited to see you!

You smiled, more confident in your choice. Aunt JJ had great taste. You had only had the chance to meet her in person a couple times, but the two of you had clicked right away and stayed in touch over text and Facetime. Sometimes she felt more like the sister you never had.

Starting to feel the effects of your particularly difficult shift, you start to get ready for bed. You wanted to be well rested for tomorrow. You say goodnight to Juneau and crawl into bed, snuggled under all the blankets. You fall asleep with a smile on your face, with the feeling that things in your life are about to take a turn for the better. You couldn't explain it...but somehow you just knew.