#nixnbob free fall

[nixnbob]

An update on Free Fall:

Well... It's been a while 🤣 😅

The bad news: Unfortunately, I'd been having issues trying to get into Ao3 until this week, so the maintenance I'd PLANNED to do to Free Fall is still offline at the moment 😩😩😩.

The good news: the fic in its current format is still up for the time being, but you may notice chapters 2 and 3 being pulled and replaced with new ones, over the coming weeks. I'll be posting here each time I've updated the fic, including for ACTUAL new chapters ☺️

What I can say for now is that the first chapter will probably stay largely the same and if you're looking for some BobNix fic to read (or fancy a re-read in its current form), it's here:

Https://archiveofourown.org/works/39933060/chapters/99995160

He knew he loved her. Her smile, her eyes, her flaws, her broken parts. That he would hold onto her through the dive they would take together.

She knew if they came out of this unscathed, that it was a bond that would mast a lifetime.

(Planned to be multi-chapter).

Fic is planned to be 18+, minors please DNI...

In the meantime, enjoy the shiny (half-new) cover for the fic and hopefully see you all back here soon for the revised fic. Unless Ao3 decides to take my pool cue again...

[ready-steady-freddie]

Swim until you can't see land

Robert Bob Floyd + Natasha Phoenix Trace (friendship)

Warnings: Infant death/child loss (non-graphic) and suicidal thoughts. This fic ties in with my reader POV fic Nothing breaks like a heart.

Word count: 2,2K

Notes: I swear I love Bob to bits and I'm not trying to make him suffer intentionally. OK, so maybe I am. Huge, huge, huge thanks to @nixnbob for their input on this piece. It made it so much better and helped me convey what I was trying to say as I wrote this. They are amazing, I love their storytelling, so go read their Phoenix x Bob fic Free Fall on AO3.

Thank you for reading! Every like, comment and reblog is appreciated ❤️ YouTube song playlist is found here.

"Bob …"

He stood at the edge of the ocean. It called to him. It always did, inviting him in. Both calming him and setting his nerves on end. He heard his name called in the mild lapping and the loud crashing of the waves against the shore.

"Bob …"

For now, his breathing had evened out. He had been on the verge of another panic attack and rather than making a scene inside the Hard Deck, he had fled to the oceanside. There was something about the sea, perhaps vast expanses of water in general, that made him feel safe. Humble. Safe in the repetitiveness of the motions, humble in knowing that such a force could take his life under the right circumstances. He was not afraid of that force and it made him immensely calm. 

"Bob …"

He wondered how far into the ocean he would have to go to feel its weight crushing around him, holding him down, filling his lungs with water, darkness forever surrounding him. Quite far, he supposed. Further than he could go before his natural instincts for survival took over. But it would be so easy to just disappear in the ocean. People did it all the time. Why not him?

"Bob?"

It was not until Phoenix touched his arm that he realised it was not the ocean calling his name. It was her. Her brow was furrowed with concern, lips strained into thin lines and eyes searching his deeply. He blinked once and Phoenix had tears spilling over slowly. Her thumb came away wet when she dragged it across his cheek. He had not noticed that he was also crying.

"Oh, Bob." He found himself engulfed by her petite frame, arms thrown around his neck and shoulder. Phoenix hugged him close and he swallowed hard as he did a halfhearted attempt at hugging her back. Beyond his control, a sob came over his trembling lips. Her embrace was warm and strong but never too much. It was a rare moment for them to show affection towards each other like this. Through the chaos and absolute hopelessness of his situation, he appreciated it. And he appreciated that she had been the one to invite him tonight and that she had been the one to hug him first. He needed that. To see another living, breathing human being. To not be reminded constantly of death, grief and despair.

"I am so sorry for what happened. I don't even know what to- I can't pretend to know what you're going through. But my heart breaks for you and your wife and your little boy. Please know that I think about you guys all the time and- i-if there's anything I can do-"

She held onto him still. Tight. She spoke into his neck, her breath hot against his skin. She felt how skinny he had suddenly become and it broke her heart even more.

Bob was the first one to pull away. He had stopped crying and wiped his cheeks and nose with one hand. He shrugged. 

"There isn't. But thanks."

Phoenix sighed as she wiped away her own tears. Bob stood with his hands in his pockets, gazing out across the ocean again.

"Do they know?" He nodded back towards the bar where the rest of the Dagger Squad were waiting for them.

"I haven't told them."

He breathed out bitterly. Her response changed nothing.

"Please tell them when you think it's appropriate. I just … I can't face them. Not tonight."

He would not be joining them. He could not. It had been a mistake for him to come tonight. The well-intentioned platitudes would not fill the hollowness that had taken hold of him.

"It's okay. I'll tell them before you return to base." Phoenix supplied, restless beside him, busying herself with correcting the wings on her khaki uniform - which  were not even askew to begin with. Sensing he was still closed off, she glanced at him - still facing the ocean - before asking, "How, uhm … How are you?"

Finally. He exhaled. A crack formed in the ice around his heart.

"I'm scared," he answered quietly, a tremor in his voice. 

"Scared?" she asked, gaze shifting back to him.

"I'm scared that this is my new normal," he began, trying to tamp down the shaking that had settled in, "Scared I'll wake up every day for the rest of my life feeling like this. Scared my wife'll wake up every day for the rest of hers, to feel that pain … It's hard."

"You won't." 

She sounded so certain.

"You don't know that," he shot back, harder than he had meant to, but not in anger.

"You're right, I don't. I don't know anything because you don't tell me," she said sadly, "I am in the dark here, but all I want to do is help you."

He sniffled softly. "I don't think you can."

She touched his arm again. Instinct urging her to ground him. To keep him here. Safe. Present. She felt helpless. Unable to protect him.

"Are you getting the help you need?" she pressed.

He shrugged her hand off his arm, prompting her to take a tiny step back. He lifted his glasses and ran a hand over his face in a futile effort to disperse his unease. 

"I don't know what I need or what my purpose in life is anymore. I don't know how to help her. I don't know anything." He blinked a few times, like he was starting to disappear back within himself. "I need to get away from here."

"... Bob?" Phoenix sounded wary. His words hit her like a physical blow.

"I, uhm, I signed up for the Pakistani mission," came his quiet response.

"No. No, no, no." Her voice flared with incredulity. She moved to stand right in front of him, blocking any route of escape, looking up at him with thunderous eyes. "Are you actually insane? Do you have a death wish?!" 

"Yes!" He all but snapped. "Yes, I do! Because I can't go on living with the pain of having lost my son. I will never see him again. Or hold him. Or get to watch him grow up. He's gone … and it's breaking my heart more than I can-" His words came tearing out harsher than he had intended, but the dam had broken. "There's no words. None. It's too much, Nix. It's just … It's too much." 

Warm droplets rolled down his cheeks again. He did not bother to wipe them away. It was true. For the first time, he wanted to die. To be done. He could not bear to live his life in such suffocating hurt and sorrow and there being no end to it. He had many times wondered what it would be like to die of heartbreak. Would it be swift and painless as he hoped his son's death had been? Or slow and agonising? 

Bob wanted to leave this place so he could be with his son in some - any - form of afterlife. Instead of reliving that fixed point in time. There were times when he wished that his heart had stopped beating in that same instant as his baby's so he would not have to live with the agony and loneliness of that rendering loss. He knew whatever he felt, his wife felt it so much more intimately. An infinite and unbounded times worse. She had to endure the shame and guilt of her body not being able to keep him alive. Her vessel that was meant to give life to their dream. As desperately as he wanted to, Bob could not take that feeling away from her. It broke him. Over and over.

"Bob, please. I get it. I know you don't believe me, but I do. You can't do that to your wife. Or yourself. Didn't you agree that you would no longer go on high-risk missions? And no more long deployments? Are you even mentally fit to fly so soon?" Phoenix rushed out, fingers ghosting in the air with the desire to connect with him, to bring him back to himself. To help him.

"Yeah, well, things change," he answered, almost nonchalantly, his timbre sour. "It doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters anymore. She hasn't talked to me in like a month."

"Don't leave her. She needs you, Bob. You need each other," Phoenix pleaded, wishing upon wishes that he would see reason.

Bob flopped down onto the still-warm sand, drew his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. He closed his eyes briefly as he rested his forehead on his knees.

"I miss him so, so much."

Phoenix sat down beside him, putting an arm around his back, rubbing her hand in small, consoling circles.

"He was still warm when I held him the first time. He was so dang beautiful, Nix. The most gorgeous little being I've ever laid my eyes on. I would have been so proud to show him to everyone." 

Bob's voice was full of love. Overflowing. He gave her such a broken expression that she felt her heart was being shredded. 

"Do you … Do you have any photos of him? Can I see?" she asked, trepidation in her voice, though her small ghosting smile was genuine.

Bob's eyebrows flew up in surprise, his mouth slightly agape, caught off-guard by her question. "I have pictures. But he's … He's already gone in those pictures."

"I know. I don't mind. But he's your kid and I want to see him … If you will share him with me." Her words were an unexpected balm to the agonising burn of loss that he felt.

Bob had not expected to weep when he showed Phoenix the pictures of his son. But it happened quite naturally, each sob raking gently through his body. Every swipe through his phone's gallery brought on a new emotion for both him and Phoenix. It was otherworldly for her to be looking at those pictures with him. Knowing his baby was not just sleeping. But still looking peaceful. A cute, rosy-cheeked baby. She realised that Bob did not even know the colour of his boy's eyes. 

She was grateful that Bob shared this with her. She felt honoured that he trusted her this much, a trust reserved only for those closest to Bob.

"I think … I think this is my favourite," Bob sniffled, stopping at a picture where he cradled the lifeless child to his chest, five tiny fingers curled around Bob's much longer ones. He was looking at his son with such a soft expression, eyes shining with something Phoenix had never seen in them before. Unconditional, undying love.

"You are such a proud dad here." She nudged his shoulder with hers, lips trembling as she spoke. She looked up at him with a slight smile and fresh tears now ran down her cheeks, too. "He looks like you."

Bob let out a chuckle, even through his tears. "He does, doesn't he?"

"Slap a pair of aviators on the kid and it's basically you," she sniggered, blotting at her eyes.

Bob laughed again and dried his cheeks with the sleeve of his shirt. "Thank you for saying that. I'm having such a difficult time connecting with him these days, and it means the world to me that you see me in him."

"I'm so sorry that this happened to you both, Bob. It's not fair that you didn't get to spend the rest of your life with him. You love him so much, anyone can see that."

Phoenix placed a hand on top of Bob's. She sent him a brief smile but she hoped the love she felt for Bob and his family lingered in her eyes. He was her family too now, after all.

Another painful, raking sob fell from Bob's lips and he started shuddering. Phoenix moved around him to hug his larger frame awkwardly, letting him bury his face in her neck. Wanting so desperately to be able to shield him from this.

"Hey. It's going to be okay," she spoke softly, brushing her hands through his sandy hair.

"You don't know that." His reply came quickly, his tone agitated again. He had heard those words spoken many times before and he grew weary of them.

"You're right, I don't. But neither do you. So stop being a fucking idiot and retract your application for the Pakistani mission!" she fired back at him, her love for him and her frustration at his recklessness battling in her voice.

Bob laughed despite himself, his dry sarcasm painting his speech. "You always know just what to say. And in such a mild manner."

"I really don't," Phoenix grinned. "I just care too much about you to let you do something dumb like that."

"Thanks." Bob sought her forehead with his own and breathed out heavily, the remnants of the current squall of his emotions temporarily exorcised from his body. "I'm still not fine, you know."

"I know, buddy. It's OK. Take your time. I'm here for you. Always." 

She smiled, glad he was getting even the smallest reprieve.

[nixnbob]

Update: revised Chapter 2 is now up for Free Fall. The hospital scene in the old version has been removed and Chapter 3 will be coming down for maintenance tomorrow. The next update might be a little longer, while I re-jig where some of the scenes and plot points were, so that they (hopefully) make more sense.

Now I sleep.

[nixnbob]

Totally not me trying to reconnect all my plot points after a couple of months out...

GIFs by the very talented: @txmel @whodunnitmafianostalgia @highqueenofnarnia @trendingfunnygifs @wordsnstuff & @lewispullmaned

[nixnbob]

Hi

Can you tell us more about Natasha background please ? ( family ect )

Hi Anon,

Thanks for asking, I know we've spent more of the first two chapters with Bob, but I do plan to start trying to alternate their perspectives a bit more and put a bit more meat on the bones, so to speak.

Trigger warning: Stroke, Parent Death

You've asked so nicely about Natasha though, so here you go:

Phoenix takes a while to really warm up to people, but once she does they're usually 'ride or die' for life. With Bob it's different, she feels a connection almost immediately.

She's flown with Rooster (in some capacity), since they graduated from the academy. Rooster leaving from their first air wing together without saying goodbye broke her heart and their friendship and she didn't see him again until they crossed paths during a training exercise. Last she'd heard before they both got the call to TOP GUN, he'd been deployed.

She's been stationed at EVERY posting with Hangman since, much to her annoyance. They developed an annoying older brother/annoyed slightly younger sister dynamic, but to an extent she does consider him some sort of family.

Her REAL older brother, Alexander is in the Marine Corps. Sometimes their paths cross on duty. It freaks Jake out and he's terrified of him. Bob also develops a similar terror, albeit for different reasons.

She loves her brother dearly and they've been close their entire lives. He's known to her affectionately as Sasha.

Her mother Tatyana ("Tattie" to her father), passed suddenly when she was younger and her father Neil never really moved on. He retired out of the Navy not long after, to be there for Alex and Natasha.

Neil has since had a stroke, that has taken his voice and he struggles now with his mobility. Despite this he's still relatively self-sufficient and his neighbors check in on him a few times a day.

Her parents met when her dad had ended up in Tattie's ward after a particularly bad landing.

She LOVES to dance and was a ballet dancer as a younger woman.

There is a larger family i.e. cousins etc., but the connections are a bit looser now that all of the kids have grown up. Natasha, her brother and her parents all had a smaller, very tight unit and since Tattie's passing, it's really just been Nat, her dad and her brother.

[nixnbob]

Crying that someone broke up with Bob and all he wants is his favorite pop tarts 😭😭😭

Oh, anon, I know 😭 Psssst... He was so distraught about it, he was spending all his time not on duty, in bed or moping. He wasn't really responding or engaging with anyone at that point and Chuck just thought those would cheer him up.

[nixnbob]

A Free Fall update:

Whew... Weird how when some really awful IRL stuff has just finished slamming me, I'm beginning to feel like I can push on with Chapter 3 of Free Fall... and the edits that have been circling me, twittering like little cartoon birds.

So without further ado... The fic may drop off a chapter at a time while I close it for 'maintenance'.

But...

It WILL be back 😉 And hopefully worth the wait!

GIFs by @arr-jim-lad @oceluna @quealboroto and @a-reader-and-a-writer

[nixnbob]

Hi ! Can you tell us more about Cassie and Meg please ?

Love this question, anon - thanks for asking it! Here goes:

Cassie – Bob’s older sister by four years.

• The eldest child and now that Bob’s in the Navy, the one who’s taken on the mantle of working the ranch with her parents.

• Has a real sense of duty to them and the family.

• Kind-hearted, but can come across as aloof or stern due to how reserved she is.

• Always looked out for her ‘little’ brother growing up, despite him ending up taller than her.

• Married with two young boys.

• Strong, with slightly weathered features due to the length of her time spent outdoors, buy still largely looks her age.

• Blue-eyed, with curly, flax-coloured hair, usually pulled into a sideswept ponytail.

• Generally lives in one of her many check popper shirts, jeans and old western boots, usually with a worn baseball cap or her cattleman’s hat on.

• Rides a gentle, chocolate and white paint horse named Dusty.

Meg – Bob’s younger sister by a year.

• Is the baby of the family.

• Shares the Floyd family trait of being kind-hearted, although is the most headstrong of the bunch and was the first of the siblings to move out.

• Helps out at the ranch from time-to-time, but largely spends her days running her successful local diner/bakery.

• Idolises ‘Bobcat’ and was the one who really convinced him he’d regret not signing up for the Navy and following his dreams.

• Dotes on her father, Bob and her two nephews.

• Has a love/hate relationship with Chuck. Sees him as a trouble-maker and ‘always dragging her poor brother into shenanigans’.

• The shortest of the three Floyd children.

• Single, although Chuck would like to change that.

• Petite, very fair and painted with freckles.

• Green-eyed, with very bouncy russet curls, pulled into as much of a topknot as she can manage, with the rest hanging loose.

• Lives in sundresses in summer and outsized sweaters and sweater dresses in winters, typically with a pair of ankle boots.

• Rides a rambunctious buckskin mustang named Pepper, who only answers to her.

[nixnbob]

Do you know Monica Barbaro grow up dancing at Marin Ballet ?

I’m glad your Phoenix took some ballet class too 😊

Hi Anon,

I think I read it in a Glamour article as I was starting to pull together my initial story notes, but I never knew where - thank you so much for sharing! 😊💕

I guess it just made sense to me that the discipline and the dedication she would have from doing ballet, would translate into her future career. Happily, I think it also played nicely into the physical strength and agility she'd need to box as well 😉!

[nixnbob]

Okay okay...imma need to know more about Chuck and Bob's younger sister...Chuck has a wedding coming up right? I'm so invested in these OCs already.

Hey anon,

Thanks for the ask 😊 Here's a SLIGHT plot sneak peak, because you asked so nicely 😉:

The wedding in question I'm actually planning to be Mav and Penny's, as a destination wedding Hawaii. I like to think that's where Carole and Goose tied the knot, with Mav in attendance. When Mav decides to settle down, he thinks back to that being one of his happiest memories - his best friend marrying the girl of his dreams - and decides that that's the place. Carole and Goose would be there in spirit.

Bob confides a lot in Chuck, even though they don't fly together any more, now that he's been paired with Phoenix. One of the things he's confided in him about is how he has a plus one and he's really nervous about turning up without one. He's automatically assumed Phoenix would already have a date and Chuck's trying to encourage him to go for it. Next to his family (and Natasha herself), Chuck's his biggest cheerleader.

Don't get me wrong though. Chuck would propose to Meg in a heartbeat - it's just that she just might need some convincing beforehand! You've inspired me though anon, maybe there'll be ANOTHER wedding on the cards, further down the line!

BONUS: Chuck and Meg have met a few times, when she came to visit Bob and the handful of times Chuck came by over the holidays. He was smitten at first sight. At the moment, Meg LARGELY tolerates him but seems to be oblivious to him having a genuine attraction to her. She's also VERY good at putting him in his place...

[nixnbob]

Hi !

Is Bradley bisexual in your story ?

I feel like he have history with Natasha and something going on with Jack

Hi anon,

Thanks for asking 😊

*Skips ahead through current story notes* The intention is for Bradley to be bi in this one and you may be on to something there... I just don't want to spoil it too much before the later chapters get posted 😉

[nixnbob]

I need to know more about the Chuck/Bob hijinks while on shore leave. Can you give us a head canon???

Oooooh! Chuck's usually the instigator and Bob usually ends up being present in the hopes of keeping him out of too much trouble. Although sometimes he gets swept up in the nonsense as well!

Not purely restricted to shore leave, though.

A few examples:

Chuck deciding it would be fun to 'borrow' a Navy Security Forces jeep and take it through the Hanford In-N-Out. Bob tags along to try and stop him doing anything too dumb. He doesn't succeed. Chuck decides it'll be an even better idea to post it on social media... Cue a swift summons to Commander Kerner's office when they're taken back to Lemoore. Promptly informing them both that 'you couple of characters have just earned yourself shit duty for a month and restriction to off duty time being spent entirely on base for the next four months. All submitted leave cancelled with immediate effect.' Little do they know this is actually a degree of leniency on the Commander's part, because they remind him too much of a similar 'nuisance' pilot and his 'conscience' RIO. The whole affair did earn them some respect amongst their wing for its balsiness and the fact they didn't get caught UNTIL the social media post.

Chuck convincing and egging on Bob to use his 'technical wizardry' to keep signing up Commander Kerner for a variety of increasingly more odd mail orders to his office and home address. They never did get caught and Slider can't PROVE anything, but he has a very strong suspicion who the culprits are.

Chuck egging Bob on to take turns hijacking the sound system/juke box at every club/bar they go to with their 'team anthem': Cotton Eye Joe. It's earned them at least two bannings (because that became the only song being played) and they now have to use ridiculous disguises to get in and keep the prank going.

Chuck 'borrowing' the liberty boat to go and get Bob a case of his favourite pop tarts, to cheer him up after his previous romantic partner broke up with him.

Both of them 'borrowing' the keys to Commander Kerner's beach house while he was 'on vacation', to get some real R&R. The only snag being that his vacation turned out to be for his eldest daughter's 21st birthday party, with the entire Kerner family in attendance, along with Admiral Kazansky. They then spent the entire weekend on waiter and clean-up duty and then another month of 'shit detail' when they got back to the base. He did however commend them for their resourcefulness. Again respect amongst their air wing for the 'sheer balls on display'.

[nixnbob]

Are you employed in the military ?

Hi Anon,

Thanks for the ask!

No, which is probably why there's a lot of inaccuracies with the fic, but I try to research what I can 😅

[nixnbob]

Hi !

I just wondering how the next chapter is coming along ?

( please don’t feel pressure by my ask 😊 )

Have a great day

Hi anon,

I had to take some time away for it on vacation and a bunch of IRL stuff kicked off when I got back from that... Largely involving a last minute work trip abroad, our house move being moved up the schedule and now more work stuff.

So, while I was able to get it pushed on a fair bit, I wanted to try and come at it a bit fresher once the dust settles.

Please know though, that I haven't forgotten about it! Talking about it again's actually made an idea pop into my head about how to maybe get this chapter tied off 😊

[nixnbob]

Hi ,

I read for the third times Free Fall and wondering if we should be worry about this line ?

« or, to shut out anything that looked remotely like it could lead to an actual relationship with someone that genuinely cared. »

Futur drama/cliffhanger ?

Hi anon,

Wow! Third time - guess you're equal with Maverick in Top Gun, couple more and you'll be an ace 🤣

I guess you'll need to wait and see - I don't want to spoil it too much, but that line is there for a reason 😉

Thanks for the ask 💕

[nixnbob]

Sooo looking forward to the third chapter of Free Fall! May I ask, what is it about Phoenix and Bob that makes you ship them together?

Hi Anon,

Thank you for letting me know! 😊

Good question! I guess I actually really enjoy most of the ships out there for TGM and there are lots of brilliant writers who have helped me enjoy those even more.

But I've digressed... I'm a SUCKER for a quiet guy. The one who's actually just as competent as everyone around him, if not more so.

I've had the biggest crush on Michael Biehn (Hicks) in Aliens since I first saw that film and the more I've thought about it, I got a deja vu vibe a little bit from Lewis Pullman as Bob. The quiet guy that turns up and does his job, but ends up being one of the most competent in the room.

Similarly, I got echoes of Ripley from how well Monica portrayed a strong female character, that isn't written as a love interest.

There's a handful of scenes in Aliens where it's down to little looks etc. There's just hints of what might be and I think it's beautifully done. I've probably gone a little more overt with it in Free Fall, though...😅

I love the platonic/just friends version of Bob and Phoenix too and the art and fics out there are just gorgeous for those!

The ships sort of take on a life of their own through each writer's writing and I think that's one of the beautiful things about fandom! All of our stories can exist in the same space - like in a library - but it's you, the reader, that gets to wander the aisles, perusing the shelves and deciding which category/story you want to pick out and read. Some you might walk on by, some you might say 'not today', some might be the only type of story you like reading.

Thanks for taking a shot on Free Fall and thanks for the great question, anon 😊