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Amphibious Tendencies - Chapter 10: Typhlonectes natans

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Chapter 7 Chapter 8 Chapter 9 Chapter 10 AO3

It's been a hot minute, but I think y'all know I've sorta been going through it, so I won't say much else other than...

Enjoy.

—

Summary: Dipper, Mabel, and Soos find out that Stan and the rest of his family are not what they seem.

The “rubber eel” (Typhlonectes natans) is sometimes sold as a fish in aquarium stores, but is actually a caecilian, a group of legless amphibians about whom little is known.

——————————————————————————————

“Chocolate chips, chocolate chips,” Mabel muttered to herself as she rummaged through the pantry. “Ah-ha!” She pulled out a glass jar filled with chocolate chips. “Why were you hiding at the back of the pantry?”

“Whatchya doin’, cuz?” a voice asked. Mabel turned. Emily stood in the kitchen, watching her with visible amusement.

“It’s been too long since I baked something, so I asked Dipper what I should make, and he suggested my famous chocolate chip brownies.”

“It’s her most edible recipe,” Dipper chimed in. He was sitting at the kitchen table, going over the Journal.

“Ya might want to use chocolate chips for it, then,” Emily said. Mabel held up the jar. “Those aren’t chocolate chips. They’re chocolate-covered crickets.”

“What?!” Mabel yelped in shock. The jar slipped from her hands. Emily dove, catching the jar before it could hit the floor. “Look, I like to think of myself as being open-minded, but chocolate-covered crickets? Why?”

“I’m not sure if you know this, but Dad likes making bets and dares.”

“We know,” Dipper and Mabel said together.

“Oh. Well, since he can’t ever pass up a bet or a dare, years and years ago, someone dared him to eat a bug. So he ate the bug. And then he got dared to eat another. Eventually, he realized he actually liked the taste.” Emily shrugged.

“There’s no way Grauntie Angie puts up with it,” Mabel said firmly. “She’s a lady.”

“Ma likes ‘em, too,” Emily said. Mabel’s jaw dropped. “She’s probably the one who hid the chocolate-covered crickets in the back of the pantry so you wouldn’t see ‘em. She was worried how the two of ya would handle our family’s…eccentricities.” Emily put the jar on the counter and knelt to pick up the pieces of paper she had dropped when she grabbed the jar. She tossed the papers onto the table. “By the way, mail’s here.”

“Did we get something in the mail?” Dipper asked curiously.

“Dunno. Didn’t look.”

“Hmm.” Dipper picked up the letter on the top of the pile. He frowned. “What name is this?”

“Huh?” Emily walked over and peered over Dipper’s shoulder at the letter. “Oh. It says Banjolina. That’s Ma’s full first name.”

“Angie is short for Banjolina?” Dipper asked. Emily nodded. “I thought it was short for Angela.”

“Everyone thinks that. I don’t know if many people in town know her proper first name.”

“I guess ‘Banjolina’ makes sense since her brother’s named Fiddleford,” Mabel said.

“Yep! Unwieldy names are a bit of a tradition in Ma’s family,” Emily said cheerfully. She pulled out a chair and sat down.

“Is Emily short for something weird then?” Mabel asked. Emily shook her head.

“Nope. Ma insisted on not doin’ her family’s weird name thing for any of us kids. But she wasn’t completely successful with making us happy with our names. Molly only goes by her middle name, not her first name.”

“Molly?” Dipper and Mabel asked together.

“Right, I keep forgetting you haven’t had a chance to meet her yet,” Emily said. “Molly’s the oldest triplet. But her first name’s actually Darlene.”

“Darlene’s a pretty name,” Mabel insisted. Emily shrugged again.

“Not disagreein’ with ya. Just tellin’ ya what Molly feels.” She looked over at the clock on the wall. “Did you two have breakfast?”

“Yep! That’s why I was gonna make brownies!” Mabel chirped.

“All right. Well, you could make brownies,” Emily said slowly, “or you could join me.”

“It depends on what you’re doing,” Mabel said. Emily grinned.

“Dad wants me to get rid of the leftover fireworks from the Fourth of July. I figured I’d do that by setting ‘em off.” A twinkle entered her eyes. “So?”

“Fireworks beat brownies!” Mabel said quickly. Dipper nodded.

“Agreed.”

“Then follow me, cousins,” Emily said, standing up. “It’s time to rain some fire from the skies.”

-----

The still morning air was split by the squeal and subsequent pop of a firework. Emily, Dipper, and Mabel let out whoops of joy at their first salvo. Before Emily could light the next one, however, the door slammed open. Grunkle Stan stormed out of the Shack.

“All right, what are you kids doing?” he demanded. He looked around. “Where even are you?”

“We’re up here, old man,” Emily called from their spot on the roof. Grunkle Stan looked up. He scowled. “I’m just doin’ what ya told me to. I’m gettin’ rid of the fireworks.”

“That’s all you’re doing?” Grunkle Stan asked. Emily, Dipper, and Mabel nodded. “Have the cops showed up?”

“Yes, but we sent ‘em on their merry way with an insult or two,” Emily said. Grunkle Stan grinned.

“That’s my girl!” He waved a hand airily. “All right, carry on. Just make sure you put out any fires. Don’t want the place to burn down while Angie’s still sleeping.”

“Do you have a method you want us to use to put out the fires?” Mabel asked. Grunkle Stan frowned thoughtfully.

“The phrasing is questionable, but screw it. I’ll bite. Whattaya got in mind, kiddo?”

“Water balloons.”

“Huh.” Grunkle Stan shrugged. “I don’t see why not.” He went back into the Shack.

“He’s in a good mood,” Dipper commented.

“Nah, you two just managed to grow on him, that’s all.” Emily elbowed Dipper and Mabel playfully. “And don’t act like he hasn’t grown on you.”

“Heh, yeah,” Dipper said. “When he’s not barking orders at us, he’s kind of…fun?” Mabel nodded in agreement.

“And I think it’s so sweet how much he’s in love with Grauntie Angie,” Mabel sighed dreamily. “I want something like that one day.” The door to the Shack opened.

“What happened to the fireworks?” Grunkle Stan called. “I was gonna watch the show!”

“Why not be a part of it?” Mabel asked. “I thought I cured your fear of heights!”

“I’m more comfortable sitting on the porch than climbing on the roof. You kids have your fun.”

“Well, you heard the man,” Emily said to her cousins. She held up her lighter. “Which one are we gonna set off next?”

-----

Dipper sprinted across the yard, running from the ululating Emily and Mabel. He threw a water balloon at Mabel, but it bounced off her and on the ground. Mabel threw a water balloon of her own, which burst upon contact with him.

“Aw, man!” Dipper whined. Emily chortled. She looked at Grunkle Stan, who was sitting on the porch watching the festivities.

“You gonna join us, old man?”

“With these old bones? No,” Grunkle Stan said. He took another sip of his Pitt Cola. “This is the kinda day summers were made for. Just doing dumb things.”

“Agreed!” Mabel and Dipper said together. Dipper shoved Mabel playfully. She landed on the ground, laughing. When the water balloon fight resumed, however, Grunkle Stan’s relaxed expression morphed into one full of tension.

Once the kids had run out of water balloons, Grunkle Stan got up and walked over.

“Look, kids, I…” He rubbed the back of his neck. Dipper and Mabel looked at him curiously. “I’ve- I’ve got somethin’ to tell you.”

“What?” Mabel asked. Grunkle Stan grimaced.

“It’s- it’s complicated and you probably- you might not like it.”

“Wait…” Emily stared at her father. “Dad, are you talking about…” Grunkle Stan nodded. Emily’s eyes widened. “Did Ma say you could?”

“Yeah. After everything that happened with her, we figured it would be best.”

“What is it?” Dipper asked. Grunkle Stan took a deep breath. He opened his mouth. Before he could say anything, however, a red dot appeared on his fez. “Is that a ladybug?”

“Aw!” Mabel cooed. Emily grabbed Dipper and Mabel, hurriedly pulling them away from Grunkle Stan.

“Emily, what are you-” Dipper started. A masked man dressed in combat gear suddenly burst from the nearby bushes and tackled Grunkle Stan to the ground.

“Hey!” Grunkle Stan protested. The man put his knee on Grunkle Stan’s back. Other men dressed similarly emerged from the woods, surrounding the Shack. “What are you doing?!”

“Our job,” Agent Powers said, walking over with Agent Trigger by his side. “Arresting suspicious persons and locking down any potential evidence.”

“The government guys?” Dipper asked. He frowned. “I thought they got eaten by zombies.”

“Eaten by-” Emily stared at Dipper. “Cuz, I’ve got bigger fish to fry right now, but yer gonna have to tell me that story later.” She looked back at the agents. “Potential evidence? Like what?”

“This entire residence,” Agent Trigger said. Emily gaped.

“Wh- this is my house! You can’t just take it!”

“We can and we will,” Agent Trigger said.

“I’m startin’ to understand Ma and Dad’s perspectives on the government,” Emily muttered under her breath. The agent that had tackled Grunkle Stan pulled him up and began to march him around to the front of the Shack. “Hey! Don’t take my dad!” Emily let go of Dipper and Mabel, following the agent leading her father away.

“Stay back, miss,” Agent Powers said, holding out a hand to stop her. Emily glared at him. She shoved his hand aside and continued. Dipper and Mabel followed her. They watched in shock as agents stormed inside the Shack, breaking down doors and crashing through windows. Multiple police cars pulled up, their lights and sirens blaring.

“What did I do that warrants this much arresting?” Grunkle Stan demanded. One of the agents slammed his head against the hood of a car. “Ugh!”

“We’ve been watching you for a while,” Agent Powers said. “Your suspicious behavior and back-alley dealings with shady characters have been raising concerns.”

“What? That’s not enough to arrest me!” Grunkle Stan argued, squirming viciously. “I know my rights!”

“You signed those rights away last night when you met with someone we have yet to identify and acquired what was clearly an illicit substance.”

“Last night?” Grunkle Stan asked. “I was stocking the Gift Shop all night!” He made eye contact with Emily, Dipper, and Mabel. “You kids have to believe me!” The agent that had grabbed him shoved him into the back of a car.

“Yeah, look, government guys, Grunkle Stan might not be a squeaky-clean model citizen or whatever, but there’s no way he did something bad enough to arrest him like this,” Mabel said.

“Or take his house!” Dipper added. He crossed his arms. “Can’t you at least say what you think he did?”

“That’s on a need-to-know basis,” Agent Trigger responded.

“Translation: they don’t actually have a good reason to arrest him,” Emily said tartly. Agent Trigger glared at her. “I’m just tellin’ the truth. Unlike you.”

“Where’s Grauntie Angie?” Mabel asked, looking around. “She can help clear things up. Right?”

“Only if she’s awake,” Emily mumbled.

“Goodness!” a voice gasped. All heads turned. Grauntie Angie had exited the Mystery Shack. Shocked, she daintily covered her mouth with her hand. “What in tarnation is goin’ on? Why are ya arrestin’ my husband?”

“You’re Stan Pines’ wife?” asked Agent Powers. Grauntie Angie walked up to him and held out her hand. Agent Powers shook it reluctantly.

“Yes, I am.”

“In that case, you’ll have to come with us as well.” Agent Powers held up a pair of handcuffs. Dipper and Mabel gasped. Grauntie Angie, however, smiled sweetly.

“Now, that ain’t necessary, sir, is it? I ain’t done nothin’ wrong,” she said, her voice saccharine. Dipper frowned.

Is her accent usually that thick?

“I…I suppose you’re right,” Agent Powers mumbled. A glazed look appeared in his eyes. Grauntie Angie beamed. “You’ll- you’ll have to come with us to the station, though.”

“Oh, of course I will! I have to be there to support my husband and help explain that this is all just a big misunderstandin’.” She looked over at Emily, still standing by Dipper and Mabel. “Emily, dear, please keep an eye on the children.”

“The minors will be handed over to Child Protective Services,” Agent Trigger interrupted, walking over to Grauntie Angie. Grauntie Angie’s eyes widened.

“What? That’s ridiculous!” She placed her hand gently atop Agent Trigger’s in a reassuring manner. “My daughter is more ‘n capable of supervisin’ the lil darlin’s and keepin’ ‘em out of a haystack, as we say back home.”

Yep. Her accent is definitely thicker than usual.

“I…” Agent Trigger shook his head. He seemed dazed. “Yes, you’re- you’re right,” he managed, the words slurring together.

“So glad we could come to this agreement,” Grauntie Angie cooed. “Now, gimme a mo’ to give my daughter some instructions. I’ll come down with y’all to the station after.” Grauntie Angie regally turned around and walked over to Emily, Dipper, and Mabel.

“Ma, what’s goin’ on?” Emily hissed. Grauntie Angie sighed.

“I ain’t quite sure, honey-bun. Clearly, these government folk are under the impression yer father is involved in somethin’ shady. I’ll go help iron things out.” A sour look appeared on Grauntie Angie’s face. “I hate big government.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, it’s one of the many things you and Dad have in common,” Emily said, rolling her eyes. “Any specific instructions fer watching Dipper and Mabel?”

“No. Just keep ‘em out of trouble. Take ‘em to Junior’s place.”

“But we want to stay here and help defend the Shack!” Mabel argued. Dipper nodded.

“The best way you three can help is by behavin’ ‘n stayin’ out of the way,” Grauntie Angie said firmly. She looked over at the cars belonging to the government agents. Dipper squinted. In the bright sun, thin, pale lines stood out against Grauntie Angie’s skin. The scars crisscrossed randomly, starting near the top of her neck and continuing down before being covered by her sensible sundress.

Where did she get those scars? And why haven’t I noticed them before?

“These folks are bad news, but between Stan ‘n I, we can get things settled,” Grauntie Angie continued, unaware of Dipper’s stare. Mabel, however, noticed, and elbowed Dipper roughly. “Go to Junior’s. Take the Stanleymobile.” Grauntie Angie looked at Emily pointedly. “I know you’ve got the spare set of keys in yer pocket.” Emily rubbed the back of her neck, managing an abashed grin. “I’ll call when I know more.” Grauntie Angie kissed Emily on the cheek, then the tops of Dipper and Mabel’s heads. She walked over to the government agents, striking up a conversation with them.

“Well, you heard the lady,” Emily sighed. “Stay here. I’ll bring the car around.” Emily walked away. Mabel rounded on Dipper.

“Okay, why were you staring at Grauntie Angie like that?” she demanded.

“I just noticed something.”

“What?”

“She’s got scars. All over.”

“So? You’re still not supposed to stare!” Mabel shook her head. “Honestly, Dipper.”

“Did you know about her scars?” Dipper asked.

“Yep!” Mabel said cheerfully. “She let me do a makeover on her that one time and I saw while I was trying to find a foundation that matched her skin tone. It’s difficult, since she’s pale but also has a lot of freckles.”

“Did she tell you where the scars came from?”

“She said it was some sort of accident at the lake.”

“What kind of accident?”

“She clammed up after that,” Mabel replied. She frowned thoughtfully. “But when I pointed out that the scars looked sorta like really thin string, she said I wasn’t too far from the truth. I don’t know what kind of string there is at the lake, though.”

“Fishing line, maybe?” Dipper suggested. “But how could that cause scars?” Mabel shrugged. The Stanleymobile, driven by Emily, pulled up in front of them.

“Get in, kiddos,” Emily said, her trademark grin visibly strained, “before the feds change their mind and send you to CPS.”

-----

“What do you mean, you’re going?!” Emily demanded. She and Junior were having a heated argument of some sort in the kitchen, though only Emily’s side of the conversation could be heard from where Dipper and Mabel had been put upon arrival at Junior’s house.

“What are they even talking about?” asked Rana, the oldest of Junior’s quadruplet children. Dipper and Mabel were currently sitting in the room she shared with her fellow quadruplet June. The other two, Ryan and Jonah, had their own rooms for some reason that hadn’t been disclosed to Dipper and Mabel.

“My guess is that Emily wants to go back to the Shack or police station or wherever Junior’s going,” Dipper said. “So that she can help with whatever he and Grauntie Angie are doing to get Grunkle Stan out of trouble.” Rana nodded thoughtfully. She and her siblings were only ten, but seemed more mature than their ages would suggest. Rana in particular was the most mature of the group. Grunkle Stan claimed it was because she was the most like Grauntie Angie, not just in personality, but also in appearance. She did look eerily like her grandmother, having the same nose, eyes, and hair color. Even the freckle pattern across her nose and cheeks looked like Grauntie Angie’s.

“It’s weird that Grandpa Stan got arrested,” Rana said quietly. “I mean, yeah, he commits crimes all the time, but even when he gets caught, he’s able to talk his way outta it. Y’know?” Dipper and Mabel nodded. “Do you guys know what he did?”

“No, not really,” Dipper said. Rana crossed her arms.

“Dumb cops,” she muttered. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look, amused despite themselves at how Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie’s dislike for authorities had spread to their grandchildren. Rana stood.

“Where are you going?” Mabel asked.

“Me? I’m not goin’ anywhere.” Rana crossed over to the bedroom’s large window and opened it. “But you guys are gonna go to the Shack and figure out what’s going on.”

“Are you sure?” Dipper asked warily. Rana nodded.

“Even if Auntie Emily convinces Dad to let her come with him, which probably won’t happen, there’s zero chance either of them will let you guys come along. But we need all hands on deck for whatever’s happening.”

“Then why aren’t you coming?” Mabel asked. She and Dipper got up from the frog-shaped rug they had been sitting on.

“I’ve gotta make sure no one catches onto the fact you guys are gone.”

“Good point,” Dipper said with a nod.

“Now, get going. You’ve got the best chance of sneaking out while Auntie Emily and Dad are still arguing,” Rana said firmly. Dipper and Mabel walked over to the window.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Dipper asked.

“Oh, yeah. June and I climb down it all the time. It makes Dad really angry,” Rana said cheerfully. She tossed one end of a rope out the window. “Use this.”

With Rana holding the other end of the rope, Dipper and Mabel successfully exited through the window and climbed down to the ground. When all four feet were on the neatly trimmed grass, Rana pulled the rope back up. She saluted Dipper and Mabel before closing the window and disappearing from view. Dipper looked at Mabel.

“You ready?” he asked. Mabel held up her grappling hook.

“Always.”

“Where were you keeping that?”

“I have my secrets,” Mabel said airily. She tucked her grappling hook inside one of her voluminous sweater sleeves. “Let’s go.”

-----

Dipper and Mabel crashed through the already broken window in the attic of the Shack. They tumbled onto the floor.

“I told you it would come in handy again,” Mabel said to Dipper. Dipper held a finger to his mouth, shushing her. “I told you it would come in handy again,” she whispered. Dipper rolled his eyes.

“I never said it wouldn’t,” he whispered back.

“You didn’t need to. I could tell that was what you were thinking. Twin telepathy.” Mabel put her grappling hook away again. “Anyways. We need to find the surveillance tapes, right?”

“Yeah,” Dipper said, deciding to go with the subject change. “They should be in his office.” Mabel nodded. The two quietly went over to the door of the attic and opened it as silently as they could. They stared down the darkened staircase. No government agents stood at the foot of the stairs, nor could they hear anyone moving around on the first floor. They tiptoed down, carefully avoiding the particularly creaky stair, arriving at the first floor without incident. Voices suddenly sounded. Dipper and Mabel hurried away from the approaching agents, sneaking down the hall to Grunkle Stan’s office, and closing the door behind them. Dipper held up his fist. Mabel obliged with a friendly fist bump.

“Okay, where would Grunkle Stan hide the surveillance tapes?” Dipper muttered to himself, scanning the furniture in the office. He perused the bookshelf. Some of the books were very scientific in nature, likely belonging to Grauntie Angie. “Or…where would Grauntie Angie hide the surveillance tapes?”

“Probably somewhere fun and kooky,” Mabel said, closing the file cabinet she had been inspecting. She gasped and pointed at the jackelope head on the wall, which had a crooked antler. “Wait! The antellabbit!”

“Uh, don’t you mean ‘jackalope’?” Dipper asked. Mabel scoffed.

“That can’t be right.” She walked over to the jackalope and stood on her tiptoes to grab the antler, pulling it into the correct position. The section of the wall the jackalope was mounted on promptly turned around, revealing two old-school TV monitors and a tape player. The top monitor showed a live feed of the cameras in the gift shop, while the bottom one was black, reflecting their faces back at them. A cardboard box sat in an alcove directly below the tape player.

“Yes!” Dipper and Mabel cheered together.

“And the one from this week is already in!” Mabel said, pointing to the VCR tape partially in the tape player. She pushed it in the rest of the way. Promptly, video appeared on the lower monitor’s screen.

Wendy and Mabel watched Soos do the worm dance on the floor of the Gift Shop.

“Go! Go! Go! Go!” Wendy and Mabel chanted together.

“Someone said ‘wormy dance’,” Mabel said airily to Dipper. “We had to! Fast forward.” Dipper grabbed the remote off the top of the tape player and pressed the fast forward button, zooming through multiple hours. When he let go, the Gift Shop was occupied only by Grunkle Stan, who was cheerfully putting away new merchandise. Yesterday’s date was in the top corner of the screen, along with the time, nine at night.

“There it is!” Dipper enthused. “He was restocking like he said! And the date and time show it was last night!” There was a knock at the door. Mabel and Dipper looked over before realizing it had come from the surveillance tape. They looked back at the TV. On the video, Grunkle Stan stopped stocking and walked over to the door. He opened it. Whoever had knocked wasn’t visible from this angle, but Grunkle Stan was clearly expecting them.

“I was starting to get worried,” Grunkle Stan said. “You took your sweet-ass time.”

“Ignoring the swear,” Dipper muttered under his breath.

The person at the door held out a box. Grunkle Stan took the box from them.

Mabel let out a soft gasp. Dipper nodded silently. He saw it, too. Whoever was at the door had enormous, webbed hands.

“Why are you around here, looking like that?” Grunkle Stan asked. “It’s dangerous. Those government guys are still sniffing around.” The person at the door replied, but no individual words could be made out. “Wait. Really?” Grunkle Stan looked down at the box in horror. “Okay. Lemme take care of the security cameras real quick, then.” Grunkle Stan handed the box back, glanced at the security camera, and then walked behind the counter. He reached under the counter.

The screen went black, only for the picture to come back a few seconds later.

Grunkle Stan was in the same place he’d been at the start of the video. Grauntie Angie was with him. They sang along to the radio on the oldies station as they restocked. Grauntie Angie leaned in to kiss Grunkle Stan on the cheek, making him chuckle. The time in the corner indicated it was now past midnight.

The mysterious box was nowhere to be seen.

“Okay, so maybe Grunkle Stan got a mysterious thing from someone who probably wasn’t human,” Mabel said, “but that doesn’t mean he’s got nefarious plans or whatever!” Dipper pulled out the cardboard box underneath the tape player.

“He’s definitely hiding something,” Dipper said firmly. He picked up a folded piece of paper from the box.

“What’s that?” Mabel asked. Dipper unfolded the piece of paper. “A note?” Dipper’s eyes widened. He recognized the words’ fanciful font.

“Not just any note. A note from the Author!”

“Whoa, what?!” Mabel gaped at the note. “What’s it say?”

“Angie, when I asked you to look at my notes, I meant for you to go over the research I have done since you have been on maternity leave, not write unfairly harsh criticisms about my journal as a whole. I believe I have been supplying more than enough field notes to make my research replicable, but perhaps we can discuss it in person once you’ve returned. In the meantime, please keep your comments about my work focused upon what I requested.” Dipper looked over at Mabel. She seemed just as shocked as him. “Mabel…this is- this is confirmation of what I’ve been saying! Grauntie Angie, she knew the Author!”

“I guess…” Mabel mumbled, clearly uncomfortable with the revelation. She shook her head. “But would Grauntie Angie hide such an important thing from us? She doesn’t keep secrets like Grunkle Stan!”

“We’ve never asked her about the Author,” Dipper pointed out. “She’s been gone for so much of the summer.” His eyes widened. “I bet it’s all connected! She’s been gone so much because she’s doing things related to the Author or- or the Journal!”

“Time to take off your conspiracy hat, Dipper,” Mabel said, taking his baseball cap off his head. Dipper scowled and grabbed it back before putting it on again. “Grauntie Angie has to do science stuff out of state! Emily showed us pictures of her speaking at a conference! Not everything goes back to the Author and the Journal.”

“In this town, it feels like it does,” Dipper muttered. He looked down at the box. “Whoa.”

“What?” Mabel asked, looking inside the box as well. “Oh, wow! Look at all these pictures!”

“Grunkle Stan posing with Bigfoot?” Dipper said, flabbergasted, picking up one of the Polaroid photographs. Mabel picked up another one.

“Here’s Grauntie Angie and Grunkle Stan with the Gobblewonker!” She frowned. “But the Gobblewonker was just one of Old Man McGucket’s old robots that went haywire.”

“Apparently not.” Dipper and Mabel sat on the floor, going through the photos together. Each one had either Grauntie Angie or Grunkle Stan with a magical creature. A few even had one of their kids present. At the bottom of the box, buried underneath the photographs, were two pieces of paper. Dipper picked one up.

“What is it?” Mabel asked.

“An old newspaper article,” Dipper said. He scanned the clipping. “It’s just from when the Mystery Shack opened.” He frowned. “Didn’t Grunkle Stan say that he got Manly Dan to build the Shack?”

“Yeah. Why?”

“This says that the Shack used to belong to someone else.”

“Who?”

“It doesn’t say.”

“Maybe he just forgot?” Mabel suggested. “He’s an old man, he forgets things!” Dipper picked up the other piece of paper. “What’s that one?”

“It says ‘secret code to hideout’ on it,” he said, inspecting the paper. On the paper was a graph, consisting of two columns and four rows of boxes. The top two boxes read “A” and “1”, the left second row box read “B”, and the two boxes in the third row read “C” and “3”. The remaining boxes were blank.

“Why would Grunkle Stan need a hideout that has a secret code?” Mabel asked. Dipper scowled.

“It probably has to do with why the government showed up and the person on the tape.” He pulled out the Journal and his portable blacklight, flipping through the pages hurriedly, to no avail. “‘A1, B, C3’…I’ve never seen a code like this.” Mabel looked over his shoulder and gasped.

“Wait! I have! Dipper, it’s the vending machine!”

-----

As Dipper and Mabel sprinted through the Shack towards the Gift Shop, they could hear what seemed like every government agent leaving. They burst into the Gift Shop.

“Soos!” they cried out in delight upon seeing the man standing in front of the vending machine. Soos gasped.

“Kids!” he said happily. “Where have you been?”

“What are you doing here?” Dipper asked.

“Dr. Angie called me and told me to protect this vending machine until Junior showed up.” Soos chuckled softly. “I didn’t realize she was such a fan of snacks.”

“Soos, listen,” Dipper said. “Something huge is going on here, and it all goes back to the vending machine. I need you to step aside.”

“Yeah,” Mabel chimed in, “let us through so we can prove this is all just a big misunderstanding.” Soos sighed.

“Guys, I know this seems crazy, but I promised Dr. Angie I’d guard the vending machine with my life.” He smiled weakly at them. Dipper and Mabel exchanged a look. Dipper nodded solemnly.

“I’m sorry, Soos,” Mabel said, stepping forward. Before Soos could say anything else, she blew a handful of glitter into his face. Soos let out a shout.

“Attack glitter! It’s pretty, but it hurts!” While he tried to rub the glitter out of his eyes, Dipper darted around him, quickly pressing the “A”, “1”, “B”, “C”, and “3” buttons on the vending machine’s keypad. The vending machine swung forward as though on hinges, knocking Soos, Dipper, and Mabel to the floor. As they looked up, they gasped. A secret staircase had been revealed behind the vending machine. They got to their feet. “I guess that’s why Dr. Angie wanted me to protect the vending machine.”

“We don’t have any time to lose,” Dipper said firmly. Soos nodded.

“I’ll lead the way, dudes,” he said. He headed down the staircase, marveling. “It’s like something from a video game.”

“Or a dream,” Mabel said.

“Or a nightmare,” Dipper said glumly. As the vending machine closed behind them, a pickup truck pulled up outside.

-----

Soos, Dipper, and Mabel exited the underground elevator, entering a room that looked eerily familiar.

“It’s just like the bunker in the woods,” Dipper said, looking around at the machinery and blinking lights. There was a large observation window on the far wall, across from the entrance to the lab. Visible through the observation window was an enormous, glowing machine in the shape of an upside-down triangle. An ominous hum permeated the air.

“What is it doing under the Mystery Shack?” Soos asked.

“Maybe it’s Grauntie Angie’s,” Mabel suggested. “She’s a scientist, it makes sense she’d have a lab. Right?” Dipper walked over to a desk below the observation window. He immediately clenched his jaw.

“The other two journals?” he demanded, staring at the books that lay on the desk before him. “All this time, they were right here? I can’t believe it!” He kicked the desk in frustration. “Why would Stan have those journals?!”

“Maybe Dr. Angie had them the whole time,” Soos suggested. “Maybe she’s the Author.”

“She’s not,” Mabel said, sounding sad. “But she knew him.”

“She did?” Soos asked.

“We found a note for Grauntie Angie that the Author wrote.”

“Do you think she knows what happened to him?” Soos asked. Mabel shrugged. Dipper set the third journal down on the desk and flipped it open to the page he had theorized was a blueprint for some sort of machine. He flipped through the other two journals, finding similar pages in them, then arranged them until they had become a drawing of the very machine visible through the observation window. He turned on his portable black light. Soos, Dipper, and Mabel gasped at the writing now visible on the journals’ pages.

“Whoa,” Mabel breathed. Dipper swallowed nervously and began to read aloud from the journals.

“I was wrong the whole time. The machine was meant to create knowledge but it is too powerful. It was deceived, and now it is too late. The device, if fully operational, could tear our universe apart! It must not fall into the wrong hands. If the clock ever reaches zero, our universe is doomed!” All three looked up at the digital clock above the observation window, which had been steadily counting down the entire time they were in the lab.

“It’s the final countdown!” Soos screamed. “Just like they always sung about!”

“There has to be a way to stop it,” Dipper said, flipping through the third journal urgently. He arrived at a page reading “MANUAL OVERRIDE”. The three entered the room the observation window looked into. The ground was beginning to shake. “There! That turns it off!” Dipper said, pointing at a pole in front of the machine. They rushed over. Dipper flicked a switch on the side of the pole. The rounded dome on top of the pole popped open, revealing a bright red button.

“Wait!” a voice shouted. Dipper paused, his hand an inch above the button. He, Mabel, and Soos all turned to look at whoever had spoken.

“Dude,” Soos breathed quietly. The speaker stepped closer, their mottled green skin glistening in the eerie light of the machine. “Is that…?”

“A nixie,” Dipper confirmed. The nixie, who looked to be female, crossed her arms with a scowl. She was a foot or so taller than Mr. Ponds, slender while he was stout, and had much longer antennae, as they stretched past her shoulders. But it was impossible to mistake the frog-like features for anything else.

“What are you three doing down here?” the nixie asked. Her voice was sweet and flutelike.

“I think we should be asking you that,” Dipper said firmly. “Our great-uncle owns this building.” The nixie jutted her chin out.

“Maybe I have permission from your great-uncle to be down here.”

“Doubt it,” Dipper retorted immediately. Mabel tugged on his arm. He looked at her. “What?”

“She’s the person who was giving Grunkle Stan the thing in the surveillance video!” Mabel hissed. Dipper whipped his head back to look at the nixie. Mabel was right. The nixie’s hands and arms matched those of the person who delivered the mysterious package last night.

“Who are you?” Dipper asked. The nixie stayed silent.

“What did the Author call the other nixie he knew?” Mabel asked Dipper quietly. “Mr. Ponds’ wife or mate or whatever?”

“You think this nixie is B?” Dipper said in a low voice. Mabel shrugged.

“Maybe. I mean, how many nixies are there even in Gravity Falls?”

“…Fair enough.” Dipper met the nixie’s eyes. “Are you B?” he asked. The nixie didn’t say anything, but the widening of her glowing blue eyes was answer enough. “You are.”

“I…” B uncrossed her arms. “I haven’t been called that in a while,” she croaked.

“If you’re B, then that means you’re Mr. Ponds’ mate!” Mabel said eagerly. B frowned. “We met him in the Crawlspace when he was selling nixie venom!”

“…Mr. Ponds?” B said slowly. She looked over her shoulder. “Darling, what have you been telling these kids?” Mr. Ponds emerged from the shadows to stand by his mate’s side. He was visibly out of breath.

“Look,” he panted. He bent over. “Ugh. I’m too out of shape to run as much as I just did.”

“If you went on hikes with me every now and then…”

“Ang, you know I’m too busy dealing with tour…” Mr. Ponds started. His eyes widened in horror. But it was too late. The three humans’ jaws dropped.

“No. Way,” Soos breathed.

“S for Stanley,” Dipper said slowly. He looked at Mabel, who nodded.

“B for Banjolina,” she finished. B, who they now knew to be Grauntie Angie, closed her eyes.

“Stanley Pines, I swear…”

“We were planning on telling them anyways, why does it matter I let it slip?” demanded Mr. Ponds, aka Grunkle Stan. Grauntie Angie glared at him.

“There’s a lot going on right now! I’d prefer not to dump everything on them all at once!”

“I don’t know how it’s possible, but those two are nosier than our own kids. It’s a miracle we kept the whole frog thing under wraps as long as we did!”

“You knew the Author!” Dipper burst out. Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie looked at him. “You both did! Why didn’t you say anything when I showed you the Journal?”

“It’s- it’s a long story, kid,” Grunkle Stan said.

“Tell us,” Mabel said. Grunkle Stan and Grauntie Angie exchanged a pained look. “Or- or are you gonna lie some more?” Her voice broke mid-sentence.

“Okay, yes, we’ve been lying,” Grunkle Stan said. “And we technically broke the law.” Grauntie Angie facepalmed. “But everything we’ve done, everything we’ve sacrificed, it’s been for our family.”

“A family that includes the three of you,” Grauntie Angie added. Soos pointed at himself. “Yes, Jesus, you’re family. I’ve told you this how many times now?”

“How can we trust you?” Dipper demanded. He threw his hands up in the air. “Clearly the Journal was right when it said not to trust anyone in Gravity Falls! You guys are- are frog-people!” He raised his hand over the shutdown button again. It was too late.

The timer on the wall reached zero.

Everything went white.