#nine's never made A Person before and he's very different/more emotionally | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

mahi-wayy · 3 months

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𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐑 𝐓𝐔𝐌 𝐒𝐀𝐀𝐓𝐇 𝐇𝐎 | ʀᴀɴᴀ ɴᴀɪᴅᴜ

ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ : Rana Naidu x Fem!Oc

ғᴀɴᴅᴏᴍ : Rana Naidu

ʟᴇɴɢᴛʜ : 2.2k

ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴs : Rana is a mess, him breaking down, mentions of sexual assault, he cries pretty bad, he gets sick too, blood, hurt/comfort.

sᴜᴍᴍᴀʀʏ : 𝐈𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐈𝐂𝐇 one person he needs the most comes back at the most important time.

ᴍᴀsᴛᴇʀʟɪsᴛ

__________________

Rana Naidu was an anomaly, a very strong headed and extremely smart anomaly. He was one of a kind man, always practical, seems to know the solution to everything, a fixer in true sense.

To people, celebrities, his kids, his brothers, even his father, he was this sorted person who knew how to solve everything for everyone.

It was not after he grew up or since his teens no, he was like this since the age of say ten. He knew what to say to Jaffa when he repeatedly asked for daddy and Naga was nowhere to be seen, or what would comfort Tej when he cried about their dying mother.

He always knew what to tell his drunk father, who has come home at ungodly hours, so he doesn't cause much of a ruckus and wakes up everyone.

He knew what to do when Jaffa went through all the shit, what would convince, which person so they let him slip in the film world. He knew what to do when a woman was murdered in front of him.

That's why he was who he was, the problem solver, the fixer. The one solution to every problem.

Was that the reality? Not quite.

Rana Naidu was a fucking mess, emotionally unstable, extremely violent and traumatized man. His mind was a mess of endless thoughts and ninety hundred ninety-nine out of thousand of them were either negative or memories he wanted to scratch out of his brain forever.

Memories that made him physically sick, scared him, made him anxious, enraged him, made him so berserk all at the same time.

He was constantly in a battle with himself to conquer these vulnerabilities and barely making it every morning but making it and that was why he was seen as a strong man.

A man who was a pillar of strength for his brother, a trying and good father to his kids, a guaranteed solution to the elites and a deadly thorn in his father's side.

But there was one person, just one person, for whom he was just Rana. A guy they met in the street, late at night and who had sat down and talked to their drunk self and that person was his wife.

Ishika Rathore Naidu. A woman of many talents and many faces and jobs, the most beautiful of spectacle in love with a disaster like him.

She was simple, very simple. She was a great wife and a wonderful mother, a gentle soul who made his house home.

At the same time she was very different. She was a martial arts expert, a sharp shooter who never missed, a brutal force beside him who wasn't afraid to help him hammer a problem to straighten the creases it was causing.

But most importantly she was his strength, his balance, his remaining sanity, the little normalcy he desperately clinged to, a safe place he hid in.

So when he received the call of Vjayawada Maharaj was in Tej's studio, she was the first thought as feet was snatched from beneath his feet.

For more than a minute there was nothing but a blank noise ringing in his ears and his first instinct was to steady himself mentally before Tej told him about Jaffa had ended up shooting the man, who was slowly dying from the shot wound and he immediately speaks in the phone that he would be there before hanging up.

On his way he decides to call Sirini.

“Sirini, is she back yet??”

He asked his feet pressing down on the escalator, he could feel the uneasiness settling in but this was not the time, Jaffa was probably panicking a lot more than him and Tej would die under the weight of his own morals if he was late.

“Not yet but she will be in town in a few hours.”

The reply makes Rana curse, banging his hand on the bluetooth panel of his car, hanging up the call. He reaches the studio in record time pushing the doors open to come face to face with a conflicted Tej and a blood covered Jaffa.

Looking at the man brings back unpleasant memories, the way Vjayawada Maharaj looked at him made him recall a shit ton of nonsense and it drove him insane.

He paced around the room, the bleeding man now shifted to lie on the sofa while he was having an argument with Tej who wanted to save the man.

Seriously his brother was beyond his understanding, knowing after what type of man he was he wanted to save him for a damn promise. Not to mention the constant pleas of the man to let him go, to help him sounded too familiar to comfort and Rana could feel his stomach churning.

He was about to say something way harsher than he ever had to Tej when he saw it, Vijayawada caressing Jaffa's head and just by the look he could tell the feel of the touch, the hair on his nape standing up as his feet carried him towards the man, blinded by the rage.

Rana punched him at least five times, right in the face, it was like having a black out yet having the feeling of finally letting go before Tej managed to pull him off the man.

He wanted to murder the man, his slow death felt like it was stiching a deep cut running through him. Rana wanted to strangle the man to death but going near him felt like a punch to his gut and it immediately made him take a step back

His thoughts were cutt of when his phone repeatedly vibrated in his pocket and he took it out to see what was so important.

“Yeah-”

Rana wasn't even able to look who's phone he answered when he heard the sirens followed by Maharaj speaking to his older brother.

“I knew you would save me Tej, I knew you would.”

He hangs up the call, looking at his brother.

“You called the ambulance? Tej really?”

Rana tried his best to sound normal and not like he was irked even if it was. Damn his brother and his naive morals or whatever. He tries to calm himself down while Tej speaks about saving the life and whatever before he spoke.

“Look Tej, hear me out, if we take him to a hospital it will cause an issue. I have contacts in a nursing home, I will take him there myself but you have to send this ambulance back.”

He continues when his brother doesn't seem really convinced.

“Don't worry, this is what I do for a living. I will take care of this, you have to send them off.”

Tej nods in agreement before going to answer the door while he gets Jaffa and Arjun to hold down Vjayawada who starts thrashing immediately. What a persistent man.

It took a little acting and some money but Tej managed to send off the ambulance before coming back to Vijayawada almost crying, how amusing.

“Why did you send them back Tej!? I thought you were helping me!?”

“Don't start a scene, Rana is taking you to a nursing home himself.”

The speed at which the old man turns his way makes him question why he didn't snap his neck then and there but the look in those eyes tell him everything.

Tej doesn't know, neither does Jaffa. Arjun was out of the question from the beginning. No one in the room except for him and the asshole knew that consequences of his actions were coming to tear off his throat.

“You just sentenced me to death, you think he will save me? He of all people. He will kill me Tej he will kill me. That's why he had you send those people away, to watch me die with his own eyes.”

Tej sighs straightening up and he does feel a tiny bit for lying to his brother but oh well.

“After what I did to him, he would never spare my life-”

“Hey hey whatever are you talking about?”

That one exchange between his brother and the dying man brings all eyes on him and he steps back to pace back and forth, refusing to meet any questioning gazes.

Damn it damn it damn it all.

“So you didn't tell them anything?”

“SHUT THE FUCK UP.”

The way his throat closes immediately after that yell makes him realise how not okay he was but he would die before he let it show on his face.

“I have loved you Rana from the very beginning!!”

God not this nonsense again, he closes his eyes trying to focus on keeping his breathing normal while the man yaps bullshit.

“I loved you purely, no matter what anyone-”

One shot rings through the room and then it's silent, it gives Rana a breath of oxygen that seems to be cutting off from his system.

“He did it to you too?”

He doesn't reply to Jaffa, choosing to walk out of the studio, his brain was relapsing. Going back into memories he hated the most as his car's engine roared in sync with the thunder before he stepped on the gas.

Each time he gets a vision of that horrible day, his grip tightens on the steering wheel until his knuckles are white. He could feel that crooked touch all over him and it was making him sick.

He could feel the nausea rising closer and closer to his throat, his chest tightening with every second and his throat drying up.

Maybe it was this sickness or his foggy mind or simply the heavy rain that made him miss the car stopping in the middle of the road, missing it just by an inch when he hit the brakes he was ready to shoot the person but his resolve breaks when a familiar comes into view.

He steps out of the car, looking at the woman sitting in the driver seat, her feet resting on the road while the other was against the open door as she lit up a cigarette.

“Srini has been calling you to tell I am back, why weren't you answering, I was worr-”

Ishika cuts herself off when she looks up to come face to face with her husband standing in the downpour. She drops her cigarette and strides towards him without a care, her hands reaching to cup his face with utmost care and it breaks something in him.

He doesn't hear what she says, doesn't realise when he starts crying or when he drops to his knees. He just clings to her and sobs like no tomorrow.

Years of pain and hurt coming out in gut wrenching cries as the one man everyone depended upon crumbles right in arms of the person he loved the most.

It takes her fifteen minutes to calm him down enough to move, settling him in the car wasn't that tough, she turns on the head and slips in the driver seat, shooting a quick message to Laura to get Rana's car before she drives off.

Entering the home was the tricky part, the kids were asleep and Rana was out of it, delicately she guided him upstairs were the man slumped on the bed but refused to let go of her.

“Rana hey, what's wrong? What happened?”

Maybe the question wasn't right because not only did it make him suddenly very aware and frantic but also sent him rushing to the bathroom before she heard the vomiting sounds.

Worried for him but also wanting to give him space she stands by the door and calls Tej, when the private number isn't picked up she calls the land line which thankfully was answered.

“Hello?”

The voice was shaky and not very familiar, Arjun.

“What happened with Rana?”

Her voice cleared that she wanted answers, which she gets as the boy narrates whatever took place. She curses herself before the sound of the shower hits her ear and she hangs up.

“Rana…RANA!!”

She calls out entering the unlocked bathroom to only find her husband under the shower, soaking his already wet to the bones self in the cold shower.

“What are you- Rana- come here.”

She turned off the shower before pulling him out, it was scary how easy it was to physically move him. Coming face to face she noticed his face flushing up, pressing her palm against his forehead confirmed that he indeed had a fever.

Ishika took a breath before gently guiding him out of his clothes, coaxing him to wipe himself down before helping him with his sweats.

By the time his head hit the pillow he was panting softly, breathing through his mouth but also almost asleep. She goes to stand up and was immediately pulled back, the look in his eyes was of someone scared, scared to be alone.

“I am not going anywhere but I can't get the bed wet with my clothes can I? I am just going to change and join you okay?”

She softly coaxed him to lay back down, his death grip loosening on her arm. Changing in record time, he turns up the heat of the room when she notices him shivering a little.

Ishika takes her place beside him, choosing to sit by his head just in case she pulls up the blanket to cover his bare chest and gently caresses his hair.

“It's okay Rana, go to sleep. I got you. It will be alright.”

That was the last thing that he heard before he fell asleep to the rhythm of a hand running through his hair.

The problems were to be dealt with tomorrow, for now Rana Naidu, was a broken sick man trying to find a night of peaceful sleep in his home, beside his wife.

_____________

taglist : @vijayasena @voidsteffy @jkdaddy01 @rambheem-is-real @mayakimayahai @warnermeadowsgirl

#rana naidu #rana naidu x reader #rana naidu x oc #rana naidu × fem!oc #rana naidu fanfic #rana daggubati #rana daggubati fanfic #south indian fanfic

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sillystringsimpsons · 4 months

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Sorry if this is really broad, but what are some details about Legs in The Good Ones Au? Like I’m really interested in his relationship with Louie, and his BPD headcanon; as someone who suspects she has BPD, it’s really cool to see rep in characters, even if it’s a headcanon :D

PLEASE READ CONTENT AND TRIGGER WARNINGS IN TAGS.

this was a very high effort post, interactions are hugely appreciated <3

Awesome question!

In terms of Legs and Louie’s relationship, I have a Louie-focused fanfic I’m working on that really explores their relationship within the AU, so I won’t go into it. But I’d love to discuss his borderline personality disorder in a bit more depth!

To start, here's a vent sketch I made a few days ago that I feel is pretty relevant here.

[The full discussion of Legs' BPD is beneath the cut :>]

Before I get into this, I think it’s important to recognise that BPD is significantly more prevalent in people assigned female at birth, as well as typically presenting differently; despite this, however, the core traits of borderline remain, and neither sex struggles more or less than the other.

Also, BPD is a very complex disorder. In its nature, it is constantly shifting and changing; I live with discouraged borderline and even I struggle to put to words what my experience as a whole is like; some information here might seem a little contradictory, and some traits I discuss may seem more frontal to Legs' character than they actually are. At the end of the day, he really is just a guy living with a difficult and scary disorder, and I've done my best to capture and discuss that here.

AU LORE AROUND HIS RELATIONSHIP WITH BPD

Maximus is not formally diagnosed with BPD, per se; at around age twenty-nine, following a severe depressive episode and a bender that was almost fatal (during which he also temporarily lost his position as caporegime), Louis essentially forced him to seek psychiatric help. Surprisingly, he opened up to the psychiatrist working his case - pretty much too emotionally exhausted from what he’d just been through to put up a fight - who immediately picked up on patterns in his behaviour indicative of borderline pd: instability in his relationships resultant of an intense fear of abandonment, frequent and drastic mood swings, a constantly shifting self-image, and most often mentioned by him, an ‘emptiness’ that he confessed to continually trying to overcome with substance abuse and other risky behaviours. In addition, he displayed a lot of archetypal traits of male borderline personality disorder, especially a penchant for sudden and explosive aggression. For a number of reasons, however (drifting away from therapy, the sex bias in BPD diagnosis, and him presenting some nonconvential traits for male BPD, such as high emotional awareness), he never really ended up progressing with a diagnosis past one or two preliminary screeners.

LEGS' BPD SUBTYPE

Self-destructive BPD, which is what Max has, is one of four commonly recognised subtypes of the disorder (the other three being discouraged (omg me!), impulsive, and petulant). These are generally quite loose groupings, not rigid classifiers: he obviously still has some traits from other subtypes (notably the perfectionism and withdrawal from close relationships exhibited in discouraged BPD), but I’ve classed him under self-destructive because of his strong internal self hatred that primarily manifests itself in self-destructive behaviours. Additionally, he is very adrenaline seeking: though he’s normally quiet and doesn’t appear to be much of a risk-taker, he’ll take subtle, calculated risks that often end him up in near-death situations. Max struggles with substance abuse (exhibiting functional alcoholism), as well as self-harm (often resorting to hitting himself until he bruises in private when he experiences any sort of intense emotional turmoil); both are borne of last-ditch attempts to ease the internal struggle he endures as a result of his personality disorder, and are also very characteristic of self-destructive BPD.

IS LOUIE LEGS' FP?

A favourite person, or an FP, is a phenomenon commonly observed in people with BPD: the relationship starts off healthy, but gradually grows toxic as the pwBPD becomes increasingly dependent on their FP and literally requires them and their attention to ensure their mood stays up. Without them, the pwBPD will often experience negative emotions so intense that they can even present themselves in suicidal ideations and threats. There is a lot of negativity online directed towards people with borderline from people who have been in relationships with them, because it is an extremely draining, and in extreme cases, traumatising experience to be a FP; this, however, is built on misunderstanding - it’s not a conscious action on the pwBPDs behalf, and with proper communication and boundary setting, it is very much possible to keep the relationship healthy and well-balanced. I just wanted to write this section to specify that Louis is NOT Maximus’ FP. Yes, their relationship is very often impacted negatively by his disorder, and Louie has been the subject of splitting (wherein a person with BPD characterises a person or event as either extremely good or extremely bad) more than enough times, but their relationship has never entered FP territory, and I don’t intend to write it as doing so. Legs has an almost big-brotherly role (symbolically, lol, as they have a really small age gap) and isn’t so much obsessed with Louie as he really cares about him and desires to look after and be there for him, which is essentially the opposite dynamic to the conventional pwBPD-FP relationship.

There's a lot more I could go into, but I think I'll keep it at this for now, and let any work I make featuring Legs speak for itself. If you have and specific questions, though, my asks and DMs are always open and I am a violent yapper; just shoot me a question and I'll be more than happy to elaborate.

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fullcry · 2 years

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"Hopeless" | Trigun Fanfic

DETAILS Trigun Stampede / Vash x Meryl / Oneshot - 2.6k / M

AUTHOR @fandomfullcry | FullCry on AO3

TAGS Drunken Shenanigans, Excessive Drinking, Humor

SUMMARY She was repressed, a lightweight, and easily baited; and, unfortunately for her, this was something Wolfwood—an avid connoisseur of whiskey and enjoyer of (others’) foolish behavior, learned early on in their travels together.

NOTES Inspired by this fanart by @tomboyyyaoi

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Meryl wasn’t a drinker by habit, but she had been known to indulge for the right occasions: Graduating from November. Her best friend’s wedding. Important office functions wherein toasts were involved. Being four feet nine inches tall and weighing a modest one hundred pounds, she usually kept it to one or two glasses at most—and always on a full stomach, as it didn’t take much to overdo it. Getting good and properly drunk, as Meryl had learned in university, usually led to having quite a number of regrets the following morning.

Because Meryl made terrible, terrible decisions once her inhibitions were knocked out.

At the root of this problem lay her tendency to repress. Her mother had always worried about that, always told her she needed to be more open and honest with her feelings, her wants and needs—to handle them in a more measured and thoughtful way. Repression would only lead to uncontrolled outbursts and emotionally-driven decision making—usually poor, and though she never admitted as much, Meryl always took that warning to be an understanding born of her mother’s own personal experience.

But Meryl was stubborn and didn’t listen to her mother, and developed the very bad habit of repressing things. Despite her mother’s warning, this usually worked out alright—at least when she was sober.

It was a bit of a different story when she was drunk, though.

In addition to being both repressed and a lightweight, she was also easily baited and, unfortunately for her, this was something Wolfwood—an avid connoisseur of whiskey and an enjoyer of (others’) foolish behavior, learned early on in their travels together.

When they stopped off in settlements for the night on their long journey east he would often entice the others into a drink or two and rib her until she was all scowls and steam, laughing all the while. It was usually good-natured, but Meryl was a proud woman with something to prove, and not taking the bait proved a challenge. Roberto was no help at all in these situations, and Vash’s attempts to diffuse the tension between her and Wolfwood was often too meek to do much of anything (though she appreciated the effort).

But, for the most part, Meryl had managed to keep the peace (and her dignity), as much as Wolfwood made efforts to the contrary.

At least, until Felnarl.

When they arrived in the small town, it was just as the population was settling into a large, town-wide celebration. It was the fiftieth anniversary of Felnarl’s founding, and every resident was out in the streets getting ready to celebrate. Whiskey and beer was passed around free of charge. Decorations adorned the buildings down main street. Fireworks were prepped for sundown and there was music and people laughing and dancing and chatting. Coming on the heels of a long day (and yet more bounty hunters chasing after Vash), All four of them were easily drawn into the relaxed, celebratory atmosphere.

Before she knew it, she was four drinks deep.

They were lounging in a booth in the Saloon and Meryl was giggling at the antics of a (very poor) juggler on the other side of the room when Wolfwood returned with mugs of beer for the lot of them, sliding each across the table.

“Cheers!” he shouted above the din of the Saloon, and Meryl gripped her fresh mug with a wide smile, raising it to toast with the boys’. She took a big swig, eyes roving the room, and noticed as a working girl came out of the back alongside her John, fanning herself as she took up position along the wall, scanning the room for her next customer. When she spotted their table of three seemingly unattached men, she gave a wink. She clearly wasn’t the only one to notice the woman, as a moment later Roberto downed the rest of his mug and stood, sliding out of the bench and walking over with a bit of a wobble in his stride. She had no idea how many drinks he’d had, but it was doubtless too many even for him.

Wolfwood snickered, and Meryl picked up a peanut from the bowl of nuts and hurled it across the room, missing her target by a good three feet.

“Gross Roberto!” she called out.

Wolfwood clucked his tongue at her.

“Now, now, little miss repressed, don’t go judging a man just because he has needs.”

She scoffed, taking a swig of her beer. “’Scuse you, I am not repressed! And he is not a man with needs, he’s a horny old drunk.”

Vash snorted into his mug. Wolfwood stared at her flatly.

“There you go again, being judgmental. He—“

Across the room there was a loud thump and Meryl’s attention turned from her drink to find Roberto slumped on the floor just outside one of the Saloon bedrooms, the working girl looking down at him with despairing exasperation. Meryl began to cackle, falling onto the table with the force of her laughter.

“Oh my god! He passed out on her!”

Vash chuckled quietly, and Wolfwood shook his head.

“Poor bastard. Well, he tried, I guess.”

Meryl snorted and took another swig.

“Back to you, though,” Wolfwood said with a mischievous smirk, “When even was the last time you had sex, huh?”

Her face flamed and her mouth fell open. She moved her lips but words took their sweet time coming out.

“I—that—you… that’s none of your business!”

Vash, for his part, tipped back his mug and took a swig before turning a drunken grin on Wolfwood.

“When was the last time you had sex, Wolfwood?”

Wolfwood frowned, then slammed his mug down on the table.

“Too long, frankly,” he answered theatrically before his gaze turned to Meryl and he jabbed a thumb at his chest, “but at least I know what I want and can be honest about it.”

Meryl rolled her eyes, feeling a bit irritated by the heat still suffusing her cheeks.

“’M not repressed,” she huffed, crossing her arms stubbornly. Wolfwood eyed her a moment before he grinned.

“Oh yeah? Prove it.”

She glowered at him, feeling that persistent need to prove herself—that stubbornness she was so well known for, simmer beneath the surface. Had she been in her right mind she probably would have realized this was just another instance of him trying to get a rise out of her for his own amusement. But she wasn’t in her right mind, and at the moment proving him wrong seemed like the best idea, actually.

She glanced first at Wolfwood, then at Vash, and an idea struck her. She slammed her beer on the table and hauled herself up off the bench and onto the tabletop, crawling across it toward Vash who watched her with wide eyes.

“W-what are you—“

She silenced him with her lips, hand tight at his collar as she pulled him towards her. She kissed him sloppily but with fervor, tasting the whiskey and ale and peanuts on his breath. When she finally pulled away he was staring at her with wide eyes and pink cheeks, and she dimly heard Wolfwood whistle and clap as she clambered back into the bench, staring up at the undertaker defiantly.

“Alright, you win this round reporter girl,” he said with a grin. He glanced to Vash who hadn’t moved from his stunned stupor and gave him a slap on the back.

“First to score points tonight, Needle-Noggin’! Congrats, buddy!”

Meryl reached for her mug and took several large fortifying gulps as Wolfwood stood, finishing off his own drink before setting it on the table.

“I’m gonna go get Uncle Downer before the poor bastard gets stepped on,” he said, giving Meryl a pointed, teasing grin. “You kids behave while I’m gone.”

Then he turned and made his way across the room, squeezing between gaps in the crowd to reach the slumped over reporter by the bedroom doors.

Meryl glanced briefly to Vash and found him still staring at her with a dumbfounded expression. But the moment their eyes met he looked down and grabbed his drink, taking a healthy swallow to hide his blush. Meryl found herself doing the same.

Because in that moment, to her horror, she realized something: Wolfwood was right. She was repressed, and she’d accidentally just un-repressed herself.

As sloppy and short as that kiss had been, and as little as she’d intended it to mean, the reaction her body was having to it was alarming in its intensity. It had ignited a fire in her belly and sent blood rushing to very particular places, and the urge to crawl over the table and do it again was… much stronger than was reasonable.

She needed a distraction. It would pass if she just gave herself enough time. It always did when she was sober. She turned away and caught a bartender sweeping past the tables, extending an arm to grab his attention.

“Bartender!” she shouted, “Two more, please!”

-:-:-:-:-:-:-

Little over an hour later, she was eight drinks in and the world was bright and the floor moving a little bit too much but everything was just… great. Wolfwood was great. The beer was great. Or was it Whiskey? Whatever it was was great. Just the best.

“Wolfswood,” she slurred as she pressed herself against their table, leaning over the top to poke him in the chest “Yer a good guy. You went an-an helped my sempai. And y’know what? I b’lieve in you. You can do it. Finda girl. Get laid. ”

“You know what?!” he shouted, swaying a bit as he waved his mug around. “You’re right! Imma do that. ‘S a great idea. Oiiii, Needle-Noggin’!” he shouted, slapping Vash on the back, “Wish me luck!”

“G’luck, Woofs—Wolfs—Wolfwood,” Vash asserted seriously, raising his mug in the other man’s direction.

Wolfwood set down his mug with a slam and turned, stumbling off toward a group of women huddled by the bar, and Meryl waved goodbye the whole way.

With only Vash left at the table she swiveled on her heel (and almost toppling over in the process) and eyed him with a grin, palms flat on the tabletop.

“Needle Nogginnnnnn’!” she called brightly, eyes squinting in her enthusiasm, “Come dance with me!! We hafta celebrate! Fifty years! Woo!”

He grinned at her, leaning his chin on his palm as he eyed her.

“So you can—can dance, can you?”

“Not on your life!” she grinned, “But who cares! Imma do it anyway!”

She pushed away from the table and spun a circle, which only resulted in her stumbling and falling hard against the tabletop with a wheeze. Once she caught her breath she looked up at him again, and found him staring down at her in amusement, a warm little sparkle in his eyes. He laughed then scooted his way out of the bench, and once he was on his feet he grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor in the middle of the room. He pulled her to him, taking her hand in his, and leaned in with a smile to speak into her ear.

“Better keep up,” he said, and she felt a delightful shiver run down her neck as his breath tickled her skin.

She grinned back, meeting his gaze. “Let’s see whatcha got, mister six million.”

Over the next half hour, as the celebration grew in size and the celebrants grew in drunkenness, the party spilled out of the saloon and into the street. Meryl found herself dancing with Vash out beneath the stars along with half the clientèle of the establishment and a three piece band playing a lively tune on the porch. She was having fun—so much fun! Sure everything was a little spinny and walking straight was really hard, but she didn’t remember the last time she’d smiled this much.

However… she couldn’t help but notice just a few odd little things as they danced.

Like how nice Vash’s smile was. Or how firm his grip was around her waist. Or how whenever he’d pull her closer (probably by accident) she could feel the strong, firm planes of his chest against her body. Or how fast her heart was beating and how warm her face felt whenever he looked down at her with that odd, piercing gaze. Or how much of an ache she felt between her legs. When did that happen?

And when was the last time she’d had sex?

A moment later he spun her out wildly and despite her wayward thoughts she laughed as the world around her blurred into streaks of color; and then she was falling, falling, landing on the hard earth at the edge of the impromptu dance floor with a thump. A moment later Vash landed beside her.

She must have dragged him down with her.

She felt winded only a moment before she began to laugh, her knees propped, staring up at the starry sky uncaring of the dirt at her back. Vash laughed too, and after a moment he sat up on his knees at her feet. She let out a winded breath, taking in the stars a moment—they were dancing around in the sky, then she raised her arms above her in a silent bid for a hand.

She was surprised when, a moment later, she felt Vash’s hands on her knees instead.

Her heart leapt into her throat, and she felt that ache between her legs reignite. She lifted her head off the dirt and stared down at Vash in confusion, only to find him staring hard at her legs. After a moment, he lifted his gaze to her face and she felt momentarily winded. The look in his eyes was fixated and intense, drinking her in like water.

Absently she felt regret for the decision to wear her leggings to the celebration.

He pulled her legs apart slowly at the knees and she let him, her heart pounding against her ribcage and echoing in her ears, her stomach tight and tense with anticipation. His gaze trailed slowly down her face, over her chest, and down to the apex of her thighs, and she felt his thumbs rub slow circles on the interior of her knee. She panted breathlessly at the shiver it sent running through her.

Oh God, she wanted—

“Oi! What the hell you two doin’?! Get a room for fuck’s sake! What is wrong with you?!”

Meryl started, her mind snapping out of whatever drunken fog it had been in and she turned her head to find Wolfwood marching across the road from the Saloon, hands in the air in disbelieving exasperation.

In an instant, the world resolved around her. Music. Shouts. Laughter. Hundreds of people barely ten feet away, and she was—they were…

Red hot embarrassment lanced through her and she scrambled upright onto her knees, her face flaming and her stomach turning. She glanced only briefly at Vash—she couldn’t bear looking at him for more than a split second—and found his face as mortified as her own.

Absently, she wondered when the last time he’d had sex was.

Suddenly, her stomach roiled—sharp and painful and debilitatingly queasy. She put a hand to her mouth. Her head felt light and hot, her mouth suddenly full of too much saliva. Not good. Not good.

She scrambled away, struggling to hold it in. She only just managed to get out of the street before the few snacks she’d had over the course of the night made their reappearance, splattering all over the alley as she retched. Behind her, she could hear Vash doing the same into a bucket beside a hay bale.

In the street, Wolfwood shook his head, a hand at his brow as he grumbled, “Absolutely fucking hopeless.”

As Meryl dry heaved onto the ground, she couldn’t help but agree.

-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-

>> FullCry on AO3 / Main: @spicychestnut / Patreon / Ko-Fi

#Mature #FanFiction #VashMeryl #Vash x Meryl #Mash #Trigun #Trigun Stampede #Meryl Stryfe #Vash the Stampede #nicholas d wolfwood #Roberto DeNiro #Humor #FullyCry Fanfics

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elialys · 1 year

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It's interesting that it seems more proper to name P/0 child after Elizabeth than after Olivia's mother.(Elizabeth is a beautifully tragic name in the show and your fic,though.) Peter and Olivia's relationships with their own mothers are both complex but totally different. How do you understand their mother issues?

Thank you for your lovely question. I have so many feelings regarding Peter & Olivia and their relationships with their mothers. That’s a topic I’ve explored a few times in stories through the years; as someone who’s had a rather rocky relationship with my mother (to put it mildly), I know my perspective on this to be very biased, but to me, that’s the beauty of an emotionally intelligent show like Fringe. They show us just enough to get a feel of how various character dynamics are/were, all the while letting us imagine the rest.

I think it’s harder to know how Olivia’s relationship with her mother might have been, because we saw a lot less of Marylin that we did Elizabeth, and the Marylin we did see was exclusively Altlivia’s mom, who from what we know had quite a different life from Olivia’s mother. I know in this case, I’m definitely projecting my own experience. My mom also got into a relationship with someone abusive who made our lives hell for a few years, and the fallouts are extensive, long after that person is gone.

That’s why I always pictured Olivia’s childhood and relationship with her mother to be quite sad, unfortunately, since her father probably died when she was very young, then there was the abusive step dad, who she ended up shooting, only for him to traumatize her even further by sending her all those birthday cards, and then her mother dies when she was just fourteen—and I doubt those five years between the shooting and her death were happy years. But Olivia would have loved her mother no matter what, as shown on the show when she got to meet her mom’s alternate in the other universe, and the emotion of it literally broke her mind and got the other memories working.

Olivia felt strongly enough that it was her JOB to defend her mother to shoot a grown man with a gun when she was nine. That tells you so much about Olivia’s core personality (and trauma, did I mention trauma?)

Like I said, that topic is very personal to me and I have a hard time ever being objective about it, but it’s also important because of how I imagine Olivia as a mother with Etta. And that’s why I’ve always been so pained by people who misunderstand the things Olivia says about it in season 5, about her feeling like she was too ‘at odd’ and basically too messed up to deserve her little girl, and that her worrying so much instead of just appreciating having her led to them losing Etta, like a punishment.

I’m writing this right now and I don’t understand how people can misinterpret it enough to say things like “Olivia probably was cold and distant with Etta.” Like, over my DEAD BODY. She’s a traumatized human who lost her mother when she was still just a kid herself. That doesn’t mean she’s not capable of love or of being nurturing, it mostly means she probably worried herself sick over every thing and convinced herself that she was doomed to be terrible at it.

Ugh. I’m gonna need a drink before I can continue this.

ANYWAY. Peter and Elizabeth hahahaha

I think his relationship with his mom was pretty tragic and heartbreaking, too. I think that he would have loved his mother very, very much, just like Olivia loved hers, but I also think the Elizabeth he grew up with never recovered from losing her son and having to brainwash this version of Peter into thinking he was her child. We know she ended up committing suicide when he was nineteen, and from what we saw in 3x15 ‘Subject 13’, she struggled a lot with the whole fucking mess that was their life—and that was before Walter lost pieces of his brain and went insane. Now whether Elizabeth was struggling with alcoholism is up to interpretation. My reasoning has always been that the show wouldn’t have shown us Elizabeth drinking in that episode if it wasn’t meant to imply she ended up doing that a lot, so that tends to be my headcanon. Even without the possible alcoholism, I think we’re supposed to deduce from everything Peter says that she suffered from depression.

Either way, that poor man has had a SHIT childhood and adolescence. It sucks to grow up with a parent who suffers like this, it makes you feel responsible for them while also feeling absolutely helpless because you can’t really help, and also very angry because all of it is shit, honestly. In the context of the show, I can only imagine how torn and guilty Peter felt about his mother’s suicide, which happened after he left her. And that had to become that much worse after he learned the truth about his origins and realized he was basically ‘responsible’ for his mother’s ongoing misery.

Soooooo yeah. One of the things I love about Peter and Olivia is that I think they get that about each other, implicitly. Shit childhood/adolescence just shape you differently, and you can definitely tell when you meet other people who’ve had ‘similar’ experiences (can I say trauma again?) It definitely make them particularly suited for each other, as life partners and as parents.

#if you're looking for me i'll be in a corner crying over my fringe feels #i love them all so much ok #my beautiful show full of broken lovely people #Olivia Dunham #Peter Bishop #Elizabeth Bishop #Marylin Dunham #tw: sui mention #tw: suidice #fringe meta #meta #mother issues #i have them #and so do they

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tavdraws · 9 months

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TEN CHARACTERS

rules: pick 10 characters from 10 different fandoms and tag 10 people!

Thank you @justporo for the tag! I am so sorry I have practically written as essay for these characters but this was fun!

1.) Astarion from Baldur’s Gate 3

Honestly is anyone surprised? I’m not saying this list is in order, but I love his character so much. The balance of feminine and masculine, the trauma without it being his only personality trait, the nuance is just superb writing (and acting) that I’ve never seen in media before.

Plus BG3 has got me back on tumblr, drawing for pleasure again, and I’ve made a bunch of wonderful friends - so I have a lot to thank the pasty elf for.

2.) Renee Walker from 24

Okay so this is a super niche one but Renee Walker got me through some of my darkest teenage years. Whilst I don’t agree with everything in 24, I love her character (another complex character with trauma), I love Annie Wersching (Gods rest her soul), and this character is the first I think of when someone says ‘favourites’.

3.) Ahsoka Tano from Star Wars

I know the point of this post is characters I love, but omg do I love Ahsoka! Her development is some top tier writing, and she’s the first strong female lead I ever remember recognising in Star Wars.

4.) Dr James Wilson from House MD

I relate to Wilson more than I should. He cares so much it gets him hurt, he’s the eternal optimist, and, he sees the good in people even when it’s not there. He’s also self sacrificing, relentless, and occasionally, a complete dumbass. (I’m also in love with Robert Sean Leonard so that definitely helps).

5.) Chin Ho Kelly from Hawaii Five O

I don’t have much to say about this one. He’s cool. He rides a motorcycle and has a shotgun. Daniel Dae Kim is gorgeous. Chin Ho is just a cool guy. (He’s also complex but I fear I am starting to sound like a broken record).

6.) Amy Santiago from Brooklyn Nine Nine

This is another case of James Wilson. I have changed a lot since then but mannn if I wasn’t an Amy in University! (Wanted to be a Rosa, was absolutely an Amy) Honestly though, it was nice to see a Type A, more than likely neurodivergent, but still strong and respected female lead. She is rarely the butt of the joke and I appreciate that about B99.

7.) Anna from Frozen

I know this makes me look like a Disney Adult but it’s so nice to see a kind, emotionally available, independent woman, in a loving and equal relationship, in popular media. She also deals with heavy grief in a way that both hurts and heals me.

8.) Ice Bear from We Bare Bears

I love this show. It is my background comfort show and Ice Bear is just the best. Nothing more to it than that.

9.) Sara Lance from Arrow

Okay so I ran a Thea Queen fan account when I was a teen, but Sara Lance was the first queer woman I ever saw on TV and it changed my life. I told my friends about my girlfriend (at the time) because of her. She made me feel seen when there was very little queer pop culture rep.

10.) Leonard Snart from The Flash

Ending in a cyclical manner - with a white haired, morally grey, traumatised, soft-for-the-right-person, queer thief. I am a woman of simple, and apparently identical tastes.

I’m tagging @mushy6902 @tatterings @sunserenade @bearhugsandshrugs @megs-98 @bloodlessbhaalbabe @azaani-art @novarunestone @minibabymel @weatherbane3 only if you all want to though! 😁💕

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viscountessevie · 2 years

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did you read RMB ? i didn’t but i heard colin rather was very aggresive in it.

Okay so holy shit did not realise it's 4am so this will be my last ask for tonight!

Thanks for sending this, anon :)

Before we get into this, I need to shill the hell out of Nine Rules To Break When Romancing A Rake by Sarah McLean! THIS is what RMB should have been although Callie and Ralston are MILES ahead of Book!Polin. The vibes of a fat girl gaining confidence through life experience and her "friend" helping her through it is IMMACULATE. So I would recommend reading that instead of RMB!

Anyways let's get into this ask! I will say it caught me off guard lmao because I am the last person who would be asked this.

That being said, yes I have read! January 2021 was a time for most of Bton fans I feel cos most of read the books after we liked what we saw in S1 (minus Daph assaulting Simon) and were curious about the books esp of the characters we adored!

I was so lucky that I loved Ben and Ant (he's a shithead but he's my shithead and also I love all fictional Eldest Siblings - they are me and I am them) so I binge read the series and fell in love with Kathony and Benophie.

Because I always finish what I start (though I have not finished the series 💀 thanks Philoise for being so shit), I went on to read RMB after Kathony and Benophie's books even though I didn't really care for them in the show. I really thought Colin and Marina would be endgame!

This is so funny you asked because recently I did come across my Goodreads review of RMB the first and last time I ever read it. Apparently 22 year old me liked it?? Which I cannot fathom now. Then again I have read so many other HR books now and all vastly different, by better authors too.

It's a nice book but ultimately pretty forgettable. I cannot tell you any key moments that stood out or the full plot.

Book Spoilers Ahead!

I just remember vaguely Lady Danbury does a bet to uncover LW and Cressida pretends its her?? I think??

Then one scene I remember - only because my friends and I are on a mission to find better and hotters versions in other HR books - is their carriage scene where Colins only grabs a single tit of hers 😂 So now we call him One Tit Colin

I would say it's a simple book, good for people just starting HR. However, it's not the best in the series like the Polins like to hype it. It's a bit boring because JQ tried to make them fairytale perfect and it did not work. It's not a Disney movie, Julia, it's HR and there needs to be substantial conflicts and hotness!

As for the aggressive bit, yeah I did not like how he emotionally abusive to Pen for most of the book especially after he finds out she's LW. Then in one scene gets so jealous, he grabs and bruises her, thus becoming physically abusive. Definitely did not like that.

Also their dynamics felt off to me upon reflection, they never ever get onto equal standing. Like yes, most HR books have that Regency-misogynistic gap in the beginning that tilts the power to the Hero initially but the couple always ends up equal in the end. That never happens with these two and it's just really weird.

Other than that, it's an okay book. Not awful but not great either. It's just overhyped in my opinion.

There are more points to be made but they all come from the brilliant Triv @hptriviachamp and I share the opinions too! She wants to add on to this and is definitely better for it since she has read RMB more recently than I have! (She also has alot more thoughts on the aggressive bit of your ask!)

Without further ado, I'll let her reblog and add on:

(Thanks again for this ask anon and let us know how you find Nine Rules if you decide to read it!)

#Bridgerton Books #Romancing Mr. Bridgerton #The Viscountess Answers #I don't hate Book!Polin so I was respectful #It's just not my cuppa tea

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acefms · 1 year

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MEET ATLAS !

basic info.

NAME: atlas doukas

AGE: thirty-nine

BIRTHDAY: december 24th

ZODIAC: capricorn

RELATIONSHIP STATUS: single

SEXUALITY: bisexual; female lean

OCCUPATION: stunt coordinator

[ tw: accident, death, injury. ]

• born on a cold and snowy christmas night, atlas was welcomed into the world by two teenage parents who had barley graduated from high school. it only took a matter of months for his mother to realize that she was nowhere near emotionally mature enough to raise a child. deciding that she wanted to peruse the dreams she once had for herself, she took off and left all responsibility to atlas’s young father.

• atlas’s father tried his best, but struggled to keep a steady job for the first few years of his life. however by the time atlas started school he found a janitorial job at a local boxing gym. after years of loyalty to the staff, atlas’s father became a cutman. growing up atlas spent a lot of time at time gym, and found a love of punching the bag. not long after he developed interest in other areas, including martial arts.

• during high school atlas excelled in athletics, a member of several clubs including track and wrestling. it was during these years he met his high school sweetheart and they remained together even when they both went to different colleges. atlas majored in directing and theatrical production, knowing he desired a career in film stunts. he minored in physical education.

• he and his girlfriend planned on moving in together when they both finished college, but sadly in their final year she was the victim of a hit and run and died of her injuries a few days later in hospital. he didn’t make it in time to say goodbye. atlas has never gotten over this, and has yet to be in a serious relationship since. he keeps everything very causal.

• graduating from college, atlas began his career as as stunt double on low budget films, slowly making a name for himself before he became one of the best in the business. it was only at the age of thirty-five when his body began to take longer to recover from all the bumps and bruises that he made the transition to stunt coordinator, though he still puts his all into every stunt and puts his body on the line. he can’t help himself.

• while atlas’s dad loved him very much, it was painfully obvious that he wasn’t happy with the way his life had played out, and atlas always knew that was because of him. they rarely see much of one another these days due to living in different states, but they make it a habit of speaking on the phone at least once a week. his mother tried to reach out once a few years ago, but he’d long given up any desire to have a relationship with her.

possible connections.

family member/s of his ex — he’d find it quite difficult being around this person as they’d remind him so much of her, and he blames himself despite the fact that he wasn’t there and there was nothing he could have done.

a potential half-sibling/s — very open to his mother potentially settling down later in life and having other children. would probably start off rather strained but eventually he’d come around to the big brother thing. taken by ripley.

casual fling — could have been one time or multiple, they could want more or not, or potentially try to get his walls to come down in a romantic sense but he’s like a brick wall, honestly. you’ll just get sass, ass and a cheeky smile and not much else (well, maybe if chemistry is there more with time)

I’m open tbh if there is anything you have in mind and I can see it fitting !

#chq;intro #intro | atlas.#this is my last muse I swear

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feralremains · 1 year

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Tag nine people you want to get to know better

Thank you @the-toad-in-your-piano for the tag!

Three ships

Hm, I will tell about my most recent one, the one I've written the most about, and the one that got me into writing fanfic and making fanart.

The latest: Nygmobblepot! Edward Nygma/Oswald Cobblepot from Gotham. Well, what can I say? Sad, mentally ill and murderous men, what's not to like? They have an interesting relationship, and I like to see it being explored more in many different forms.

The one I've written the most: Willton, Frederick Chilton/Will Graham from Hannibal. Even though this is the ship with the highest amount of words by me, it's still only somewhere between 5,000 and 10,000 words. I'm a beginner, but hopefully getting better all the time! I admit, this one isn't very popular. I like NBC Hannibal's Chilton as a character a lot, and I personally think he needs some other character to develop himself. Will gives us contrast, with his cool calculations and violent mind compared to Frederick's neuroses and anxieties.

The beginning: Good old Mystrade. Mycroft Holmes/Greg Lestrade from BBC Sherlock. I'm a sucker for emotionally suppressed middle-aged men. I suppose I could explore my own experiences through them - anxiety, depression, self esteem issues. Older queer people have always made me hopeful, and even though it really isn't the same, sometimes fictional characters work as a substitute.

First ever ship

Huh, I am not absolutely sure, but I guess this would be Johnlock. I remember seeing one of the older Sherlock Holmes films when I was younger, The Private Life of Sherlock Holmes, 1970, and Holmes implying Watson and he were lovers felt surreal, almost. This one was an old film for a young kid such as myself, and there they were, queer, and it wasn't only a joke, we were not only portrayed as comic relief. Obviously it was somewhat humorous (Holmes trying to avoid fathering a child for Madame Petrova), but they didn't make it seem like queer people were lesser. In a way, I felt understood - that's what not having obvious actual queer representation causes - and it stayed in the back of my mind for a long time.

Now, thinking about the ships I've now told about, I realise I (often along with other people) have headcanoned one person of the pair as asexual, even though I've only known I'm ace myself for a very short time, comparatively.

Last song

I've been listening to Hannibal the Musical and Possibly in Michigan (Animal Cannibal). Completely normal and sane songs to listen to, I can assure you.

Last movie

I watched The Lady in the Van with my parents last night. It was quite amusing, both light-hearted and serious at the same time. Before that, The Batman (2022), which I didn't like as much as some of the other Batman films, but it was quite decent.

Currently reading

Haha, I'm not currently reading anything, really. The last actual book I read was the Shining by Stephen King some weeks ago. It was much better than the film, which I watched right after, although not scary at all.

Currently watching

Gotham (2014-2019). Finding television series that can keep me watching is not the easiest task, I guess. Usually I only like a few characters, and try to resist the urge to only see their scenes as long as I can.

Currently consuming

Well, I should be getting an evening snack, but I'm writing this. Going to get an apple and some mango gurt with rice cereal.

Currently craving

This is a bit in the TMI territory, but the ability to feel strong emotions, and for once not anxiety. I feel very empty most of the time. Fortunately I have Petunia the blue tongue skink. I also would like to learn Swedish and get even more herps.

Tagging (no pressure to actually do this! Also, with my luck, everyone I tag has already participated in this, but no harm done anyways. I have literally never interacted with some of you, and never in a personal manner with any of you, but let's ignore that for a moment, or otherwise I could never participate in these)

@nygmobblepot-trash @arabriddler @shyjusticewarrior @cliobii @evansdoodles @super-who-locked-me-in-here @barbacarisi @the-chilton @no1raulesparzafan

#haha now I'll forget I never this did or I'll be very anxious haha #hahaha... ha #anyway thanks for tagging me #made me very happy

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dicmondskies · 2 years

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☆ & * . ♡ I N T R O D U C T I O N …

[ ◟ KAY. ◝ ] ⸻ have you ever heard girls just wanna have fun by cindy lauper , well it is PENELOPE DAVIS to a tee . the thirty two year old kindergarten teacher has been spotted wandering down portobello road markets just last sunday , do you know them ? would you say she are more people pleasing or more young at heart ? anyway , they remind me of half way finished arts and crafts ; librarian glasses ; mrs frizzle from the magic school bus ; adult coloring books for anxiety , maybe you'll catch them around yeah ? ⸻ [ ◟ ZOOEY DESCHANNEL. ◝ ]

trigger warning: murderer, serial killer, divorce, abandonment

penelope davis was a big eyed, too nice, naïve little girl. growing up with her mother and grandmother, she was nurtured, loved, and cherished. she was also very sheltered and therefore wasn’t always able to see things for their blunt truths, as her mother tried to protect her from the outside world as much as possible. penelope has never known her father and most of the time it doesn’t have much effect on her. as a young girl she never really asked too many questions, she was observant but understood even young that the subject of her dad made her mother emotional and her grandmother angry. all she really knows is that he left long before she was born, and that he most likely was never coming back around. penelope was very much so always taking care of her mother’s emotions and holding things inside as not to upset her, even though penelope was the child and shouldn’t have had that responsibility on her at so young. in fact, she was always taking care of the adults in her family, coddling them and tip toeing around their reactiveness.

it was draining, being the only adult in the room when you aren’t even an adult. this only prepared penelope for the care taking skills she would gain when in her young adult life, skills that make her an exceptional child psychologist. as a college student, penelope worked her ass off and finally had a sense of freedom when she moved on campus and was able to do life on her own for the first time. she was the kind of girl who took her studies serious but her friends on campus made sure to help her keep a healthy balance of work and play. it was here at university that penelope met the man she thought she’d spend the rest of her life with. brandon was charming, quiet, sweet, and head over heels in love with her. they did everything together, and looking back, maybe it was a bit too much too soon. penelope had never been in a serious relationship before. taking care of her emotionally sick grandmother and mother didn’t leave her much time for a personal life growing up, and sure, she’d gone on dates before but this was her first real relationship. it was all so new, so raw, and so exhilarating.

when penelope was twenty two, the two got married. at twenty five, penelope was having her first child. it was all so perfect, it was all so surreal. she was barely twenty five and already had her dream job, dream husband, and a new baby coming into the world to be loved and spoiled rotten. penelope was a natural born mother, she’d waited her whole life for something to complete her like motherhood did. things were going great, penelope was on cloud nine. it wasn’t until their daughter was born that brandon started to completely change his behavior. he went from being attending, kind, and loving to being withdrawn, distant, and coming home late at all hours of the night. penelope knew something was all sorts of wrong but she never would have imagined the grim truth of what her husband was doing behind closed doors. one cold autumn morning, detectives showed up at her door to let her know that her husband had been arrested and linked to three different murders of young college students in the united states. her world came crashing down, her life was never the same.

penelope wasn’t stupid, she saw the evidence against her husband and immediately knew she could never have anything to do with him again. her mom and grandmother were mortified and they cared more about the embarrassment it brought the family rather than penelope’s well being. people would vandalize her property, friends started looking at her funny, she couldn’t even go to the grocery store anymore. enough was enough, penelope decided that america had nothing left to salvage and she packed her things and moved to nottinghill with her daughter mia and has never looked back. she is officially divorced and lives with her three male roommates in a loft style flat. they are like a big family and penelope never speaks about her past.

#nothillhqintro #penelopedavis

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robininthelabyrinth · 3 years

Text

Beautifully Spent

aka Five Times Lan Qiren Left The Lan Sect Behind

- Chapter 2 -

A/N: As a note, each of these chapters is a separate story with a different point of divergence from canon timeline.

When Lan Wangji was six years old, and Lan Xichen nine, their mother died, breaking their hearts. Even Lan Qiren, who had never liked He Kexin and might have even hated her for having ruined all his dreams of travel, felt her absence keenly – he kept thinking of her at odd times, a matter of irrepressible habit. I should tell her about this next week, he would think as he watched his nephews accomplish something, or, upon receiving an offer to go night-hunting, We can’t go because we wouldn’t be able to make it back in time for the monthly visit, and then he’d abruptly remember she was dead and there would be no more monthly visits.

One time, sitting and watching Lan Wangji carefully practice his calligraphy during the time that would normally have been their monthly visit, he even found himself inexplicably wiping tears out of his eyes. It had been a struggle, but they’d finally gotten Lan Wangji to stop going to her door, ignoring snow and chill to wait there as if simply willing it would allow the door to open again, but he remained overly quiet, even quieter than he’d been before, the loss hurting him deeply, and seeing him hurt had hurt Lan Qiren. He tried to be subtle about it, to hide his abrupt display of emotionality, but before he knew it, Lan Wangji had come over to stand by his side, his little hands holding his own, earnestly mumbling, “Don’t cry, shufu, it’ll be all right” in an echo of what Lan Qiren had been trying so ineffectually to say to him.

“Yes,” he said, wiping harder, and ultimately giving up entirely and letting the tears stream down his cheeks, hiding his face entirely behind one of his sleeves. Lan Xichen found them at some point and curled up into Lan Qiren’s other side, tears starting to slowly seep down his own face; trying to hold back their strange shared grief was like trying to stop the tide. “It will be all right, eventually. I promise.”

He had made that promise too soon, it seemed: less than a week later, one of the elders remarked that it was time for Lan Xichen to take up some of the duties of running a sect.

“What?” Lan Qiren asked, blinking. “You’re joking. He’s nine.”

“He’s the future sect leader,” the elder said, and his gaze was cold. “Never forget, Teacher Lan, that although you fill the role now, you are only a custodian in his name.”

“That’s not the point I was making,” Lan Qiren said, frustrated; he had never been very good with words or with people. “Of course he will inherit the position, given time. But he is not even old enough for his own sword, and years away from night-hunting – why would you burden him with sect business? He’s far too young.”

“He is at exactly the right age to begin. How else can we ensure that he will not fall into the failings of his father or the crimes of his mother?”

“He is a child,” Lan Qiren stressed, wondering what he was missing. “We can only teach him to the best of our abilities, and hope that he does well with it; there’s nothing else that can be done.”

The elder shook his head. “We cannot take the risk of another generation of disaster. He must be trained, and trained now, trained well. If we do not take action, it may be too late, and he will be ruined.”

As you were, he didn’t say, but Lan Qiren felt keenly the burn of humiliation. He had never lived up to their expectations the way his brother had, and then his brother had gone and failed them all, too.

“What exactly are you thinking?” he asked, trying to dismiss the feeling of foreboding in his belly. An introduction to the burdens Lan Xichen would eventually face would not be so far amiss – a shichen a week of helping to transcribe simple letters, perhaps, or running errands, the sort of thing a boy could do and not be bored; that wouldn’t be too bad.

That wasn’t what they had in mind at all.

They wanted Lan Xichen to start tackling political problems at once, forcing him to make real decisions, deal with paperwork, and then also three times the usual lessons in sword and music, all the skills he would need to have. And all this, of course, on top of his regular lessons –

“We can assist, of course,” one of the elders said to the others, ignoring Lan Qiren’s aghast expression entirely. “But the sooner he grows accustomed to the work, the sooner he can step up –”

“You’ll crush him!” Lan Qiren exclaimed, interrupting, and he never interrupted the elders. “He’s a child, and a child who just lost his mother at that – how can you even suggest this? He would have no time to study in depth rather than shallowly, no time to think, to become his own person –”

“We will polish him into a perfect jade,” an elder said. “Him, and the younger one, too. What more do they need than to be of service to the sect?”

It wasn’t that Lan Qiren disagreed that service to their sect was the highest good, or that scholarly and martial pursuits were of the highest caliber, far more important than aimless play. He was a teacher, a strict one, and the sect rules accorded with his understanding: Learning comes first. But at the same time, there was learning and then there was learning – he was a teacher who cared for his students’ well-being, too. He knew that the approach proposed would not polish Lan Xichen into a jade but mold him instead, brutally pruning away any part of him that did not accord with the elders’ wishes.

It was just what they’d done to Lan Qiren the moment he became acting sect leader, after all.

They’d loaded him up with responsibilities until he’d nearly worked himself sick, refused to grant him the slightest freedom to travel even in a small and supervised manner, and they’d tried to force him to recant even those few things he did enjoy – composing music, teaching children. If he hadn’t already been as old as he was when it started, he wouldn’t have had the strength of will or determination to preserve even those few little things of his own…

“He should move into the hanshi soon,” another elder agreed. “If we expect him to take on the responsibilities of an adult, he should be treated as one.”

“Agreed. The sooner he disengages from messing around with his peers, the better. They will only distract him from what he needs to do.”

“I do not agree with this,” Lan Qiren said. “I am his guardian and his teacher. I do not agree.”

“I’m disappointed in you, Qiren,” one of the elders said, and Lan Qiren felt an automatic wash of shame, instinctive and ingrained after all these years. “You took the sect leader position with the knowledge that it would not truly be yours, and now you wish to preserve your personal power longer?”

I never wanted the position, which offers only power in exchange for its brutal demands! I still don’t want it! But to put it onto a child, any child, much less my own nephew who I love – how could I agree to that?

“You must not be selfish, as your brother was,” another elder scolded him, and normally Lan Qiren would be the first to agree. Being like his brother was his worst fear, and one he would do anything to avoid – but at the moment, the reminder felt wrong, as if they were using it as a tool to manipulate him rather than expressing what they really thought. “Do not cling to power and authority, after all. You cannot and must not steal what belongs to your nephews, Qiren. Never forget your place.”

Lan Qiren stared at him mutely. His place?

He had never been selfish. He had sacrificed everything – he had been filial and loyal, obedient to his elders, and they had taken everything from him, just as they planned to do to the two children that had been entrusted to his care. The only difference was that Lan Qiren had been allowed to live freely for a little while, and even that freedom was only because the elders had utterly ignored him in favor of his more talented brother, who had been protected by the love of his powerful father; for his nephews, who were all but orphaned and left only in his inferior care, there was no such defense.

This time, it was clear that the elders meant to rectify the situation – this time, they wouldn’t even leave Lan Wangji his childhood, let alone Lan Xichen.

They would hollow them out and leave them as little more than puppets, blindly obeying the rules without having the time to contemplate their meaning. They would squeeze out every moment of every day, turning each endless shichen into a joyless burden, transforming the rules into little more than a yoke to chain them – his nephews wouldn’t be Lan, who chose willingly to obey because they loved the rules and loved their sect and wanted to give everything for it. They would be little better than slaves.

Perhaps, Lan Qiren thought suddenly, it was not his selfishness that the elders were constantly seeking to correct. Perhaps it was their own.

He tried, first and foremost, to argue with them, but they did not listen to him. They had never listened to him, not from the first moment he had yielded to their wishes over his own desires and allowed himself to be trapped in the Cloud Recesses as the new sect leader. No – it was even older than that, from even before then, from as far back as when he had been small and helpless and crying out for help in his own way, not even knowing what was happening to him and why…

They had always turned their faces away.

Lan Qiren had tried his best to please them, and had failed. He’d thought the blame lay with him, but now he wasn’t so sure – now he thought that it didn’t matter what he did, that he never would.

Lan Qiren’s nephews were the ones who were small and helpless now, and unlike the elders that should have watched over him, he would not turn away.

The plan he hatched was ruthless in the extreme, but there was nothing else he could think of in his desperation. The Lan sect had always been very secretive, in its own way, keeping outsiders from knowing their personal business; although everyone within the sect knew that it was the elders who held all the real power, even if they disdained the work of it and left much of that for Lan Qiren to accomplish, from the outside it appeared as though Lan Qiren were sect leader, invested with all the powers of one.

To be a sect leader, in their day and age, was to be a tyrant.

No need to look at Wen Ruohan, the chief example of this trend, a man who made his sect kneel and touch their heads to the floor upon hearing that he was coming. It was enough to look instead at the Jiang sect, whose sect leader Jiang Fengmian whiled away his days waiting for his old lover to write, ignoring his wife despite her maternal family’s power and influence within his territory. Look at the Jin sect, where Jin Guangshan bedded every prostitute and poor young lady within range, surrounded by a cloud of rumors regarding whether he’d bothered to get all of them to consent – rumors there might be, but no one dared to make any trouble for him over it without actual proof. Look at Lao Nie, whose sect, elders and all, sighed and shook their heads over his excessive fondness for dangerous people, but could take no action to stop him.

Look at Lan Qiren’s father, who had spoiled one child into madness and neglected the other into near despair, and had trained his whole sect to accept it as a given. Lan Qiren was working to repair that damage, to lead by example, but it was a hard upward struggle – rot might start at the head, and healing, too, but the healing was harder than the rotting.

A sect leader, in short, was a tyrant.

And as far as the world was concerned, Lan Qiren was the sect leader.

Lan Qiren bided his time until the next discussion conference. It hurt him to wait, seeing poor Lan Xichen get stretched thin under his new duties and constantly reminded to keep a serene smile on his face throughout, seeing poor Lan Wangji so stressed at his brother’s misery and his own amplified lessons that he'd started biting people again, but he knew it was necessary. A discussion conference meant outsiders, and outsiders meant not losing face; it was the one time that Lan Qiren was actually treated as a sect leader by all around him, the one time no one would gainsay anything he said, even if they would later tear strips off of him in private.

It was his only chance.

"I have an announcement," he said mildly, presiding over the large gathering that marked the conclusion of the discussion conference. His Lan sect was the host of this conference, and he was accordingly seated at the head of the room, equal with the other Great Sects but given additional deference in view of the location - it was easy for his voice to carry, despite his quiet tone, and all the sects turned towards him to listen. They were probably expecting something anodyne, some additional prize or information about the weather to keep in mind as they departed. "I have decided that my Lan sect's ties to the rest of the cultivation world have grown stale, seeing each other as we do only at these times and the common people only on night hunts. As a result, in my authority as Sect Leader Lan, I intend to make a journey throughout the various sects, taking along my nephews to introduce them to your families. In my absence, the Cloud Recesses will be managed by my cousin, Lan Yueheng -"

Talk exploded in the whole audience, furious and loud, all but his own Lan sect which was calm and stone-faced as always, though of course that was only their pride and concern for face overwhelming their shock. Poor Lan Yueheng was the exception, of course, his jaw dropping open like a weight dropped from a great height until his neighbors noticed and elbowed him in the side to make him stop - Lan Qiren mentally apologized for not having warned his cousin up front. He hadn't dared to risk it.

" - and accordingly I will be leaving alongside the rest of you at the conclusion of this conference," he concluded, for once relieved that his voice never varied far from a monotone; he sounded cool and calm and in control, and like he hadn't noticed the way his sect elders were trying to strangle him with their gaze even as the maintained decorum. "Our first destination is the Nie sect's Unclean Realm, with Lao Nie as our host."

Lan Qiren hadn't warned Lao Nie, either, but he knew him well, and to his relief hadn't misjudged him - the other man didn't spare so much as a moment to blink in surprise, instead grinning broadly at the other sect leaders.

"You bet you are," he laughed, his voice booming and loud. "And don't think I'll let you leave so quickly, Qiren - not until your nephews are best friends with my sons, and not until you've had a chance to work your magic on my sect's younger generation and turn them from little beasts into proper gentlemen!"

Lan Qiren barely resisted rolling his eyes - he still didn't know who it was that had come up with the nonsense about him being able to turn the most hopeless waste into a gentleman, but it was rank exaggeration. But to his surprise, the first person to respond was the head of one of the more distant small sects, Baling Ouyang, a young man with an excitable temperament; he leapt up to his feet and exclaimed, "Will he really? Sect Leader Lan, I insist you visit my Ouyang sect next, if you haven't made firm plans - I scarcely recognized my little hellion nephews after a season in your care, all grown up, careful in thought and action, compassionate and upright...and no more pranks!"

Another exaggeration. The Ouyang twins had been troublesome only at the start, until Lan Qiren realized that what they longed for most was recognition as separate beings rather than a collective whole; as soon as he'd treated them with respect, and showed them how to act in return, they'd taken to his lessons like a desert to water.

"Sect Leader Lan's skill in teaching is very well known," Sect Leader Yao said, always first to speak after his friend from the Ouyang sect. "You'll really come to our sects to do it, rather than our children to the Cloud Recesses? And you won't charge, of course...?"

"Naturally no," Lan Qiren said, a little puzzled by their enthusiasm. Was it so expensive to send children to the Cloud Recesses? He’d never charged for his lessons, although he supposed there was the cost of travel and maintenance to the standard preferred by students, and of course guest gifts were customary, although he never made any demands. "I would be your guest, and enjoying your hospitality – room and board would be more than sufficient…"

"In that case, you should come to Pingyang next -"

"No, Yueyang!" someone else called, and before Lan Qiren knew exactly what was happening, the sect leaders were arguing over who he should visit first. The most enthusiastic were the ones whose children he had taught already, but the others were quick to catch up, loathe to miss out on what they perceived to be a good deal - even Wen Ruohan, never one to lose out to others when it came to something perceived of as desirable, extended an offer with a smug, snake-like smile.

Lan Qiren provisionally accepted all the offers with a growing sense of relief: with such public acceptance, the Lan sect would lose more face by refusing to let him go than in allowing his unorthodox action. It was just as he has hoped, and more successful than he'd dared to dream; the other sects had fixated on his teaching skills and in doing so had ignored the strangeness of a sect leader taking his heirs and all but running away from home.

That relief carried him through to the end of the meeting, when everyone divided up to pack up their things, and Lan Qiren returned to the inner parts of his sect to do the same.

"What are you thinking?" one of the elders demanded the second they were alone. "Have you gone mad?"

"Did you see the reception of my idea?" Lan Qiren replied, hiding the giddiness of relief under a facade of calm. "The sect will benefit greatly from the connections we will make."

"That's no answer!"

Lan Qiren was a filial child; even if they were wrong, he would not tell the elders so to their faces. Instead he only bowed deeply and said, "What's done is done. I need to get ready, and quickly; it would be embarrassing if we weren't prepared."

Of course, he'd already packed everything he thought he'd need, determined to take Lan Xichen and Lan Wangji with him no matter what - it was only luck that his plan had worked as well as it had, allowing him to pretend to some move of subtle strategic genius rather than a retreat out of desperation. Still, he needed to go through the motions.

"Fine," another elder spat out, although their demeanor made it clear that it wasn't fine at all. "But did you have to announce that the provisional leader was Lan Yueheng? He's completely unfit!"

By which they meant that he wouldn't listen to them - that he was brash and lacked tact, said what he thought and cared for nothing but his experiments, his wife, and his children. Out of all of Lan Qiren’s cousins, he was the most thick-faced, shameless to the extreme, essentially immune to criticism or guilt.

That was, of course, exactly why Lan Qiren had picked him.

"He's good at math and accounting, and at arranging provisioning," Lan Qiren said, picking the more acceptable reason. "That's the key responsibility left over, isn't it? Everything else, I can do through correspondence."

The reassurance that Lan Qiren would still be doing his duty to the sect - would still be accountable to them - helped settle some ruffled feathers. It wouldn't be pleasant to try to do the work of sect leader from abroad, Lan Qiren knew; it would mean a lot of sleepless nights slaving away by candlelight, with no support from any aides, bearing all the weight himself. No doubt the elders knew it too, and figured that he'd soon enough lose interest in what he heard them calling, in hushed voices where they thought he could not hear, his "little show of rebellion".

Lan Qiren didn't care. The sooner they left, the better the chances that the elders would continue to be deceived into thinking that Lan Qiren was doing all this for his own sake - some last stab at achieving his long forgotten dreams, doomed to inevitable disappointment - instead of what it really was, which was freedom for his nephews. They couldn't be assigned work or classes from a distance; their education would be wholly in Lan Qiren’s hands.

He'd take a thousand sleepless nights of overwork if it meant they got to be children a little longer.

"Are we really going to the Unclean Realm?" Lan Wangji lisped, looking even more rosy-cheeked and excited than usual. "Will – will Nie-gongzi will be there?"

"Yes, Mingjue-xiong will be there," Lan Xichen said, and grinned at Lan Qiren over his brother’s head. He looked more carefree than he had in...possibly years, and Lan Qiren briefly regretted how long it had taken him to do this. "Since you like him so much."

Lan Wangji turned bright red at once.

"Both of the Nie boys will be there," Lan Qiren said. "The younger one is closer to your age, Wangji. You can get to know him as well."

Lan Qiren went next to the library pavilion, looking for books on their sect rules - he might not trust his sect elders, but he loved his sect, loved their rules and traditions, and he wanted his nephews to love it, too. He wanted them to see the Cloud Recesses as a refuge, as a haven - not a burden.

He would give his nephews the freedom he'd longed for, and when they were older...when they were older, more resilient, more sure of who they were, he would bring them back and he would ensure that they obtained their rightful inheritance. In full, not in part - Lan Xichen would be a real sect leader, not a puppet for the elders, taught only to be pleasant and yielding and to perform well with his cultivation, swordsmanship and music only for the purpose of impressing outsiders. Lan Wangji would be his brother’s right hand, would love and respect him and be loved and respected in turn.

Maybe, Lan Qiren thought to himself, amused, they would even find some compatible child on their way and one day return to bring them home as a dao companion.

He couldn't wait to find out.

#mdzs #lan qiren #lan xichen #lan wangji #sect leader nie #my fic #my fics #beautifully spent

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kirishimaswife2819 · 4 years

Text

Them Playing Minecraft Survival With Their S/o || Midoriya, Bakugou, Kirishima, Todoroki, and Kaminari

Masterlist

Pairings: Izuku Midoriya x Reader, Katsuki Bakugou x Reader, Eijiro Kirishima x Reader, Shoto Todoroki x Reader, and Denki Kaminari x Reader

Summary: What it’s like playing Minecraft survival with the boys

Word Count: 1.4k

A/n: So, I do this weird thing where I’m obsessed with Minecraft for like a week, and don’t stop playing it, then I forget it exists for like anywhere from 1-3 months, then remember it exists and the cycle just goes on like that. And I remembered Minecraft existed earlier today, and I decided to write this. Anyway, I’ll try to get some requests uploaded tomorrow, but I’ll have to see if I’m in the mood to write them or not. Anyway, I hope you all have a great day/night! -Danielle <3

Izuku Midoriya:

He’s very peaceful when he’s playing Minecraft

He’s not in any rush to get to the end and spends a fair amount of time working on building farms for various animals and food

When you guys play together, you do pretty much everything together and don’t leave each other’s sides for the whole game

You guys also share all your resources, and split the stuff up evenly between the two of you

When y’all go caving, you each might split up for a few minutes to go into different parts of the cave and find different things, but he’d rather not stay apart for too much longer

He’s literally so calm and doesn’t generally get too mad when he dies

It’s literally impossible for him to not tame any pet he finds, you probably have a countless amount of dogs, cats, and birds, yet every time he sees an untamed one, he’ll be like, “Hey, Y/n. Do you have any bones/fish/seeds?”

“Izuku, you have like fifty at home. No.”

If you refuse to give him some then he goes out and finds it on his own and comes back for the animal, so there’s no escaping it

He’s not really focused on beating the Ender Dragon, he only really remembers that’s what he supposed to be doing when he gets bored

It probably takes y’all like nine months til you finally get around to beating the Ender Dragon, and you play for like four hours every two days or so, since you have school work to focus on as well

Katsuki Bakugou:

Warning, he blows your shit up when he gets bored, so make sure he doesn’t get bored while your playing together

He’ll share a house with you and the same storage area, but what he finds is his and what you find is yours, unless you both agree to share it

He focuses on actually beating the game, for the most part, but occasionally he likes fucking around and doing random stuff

Katsuki sucks at building, since he’s more focused on the actual game than making anything look nice (he also can’t build to save his life, but if you asked why he’s so bad at it, he would use the excuse that I just mentioned)

Doesn’t waste his time on taming animals, except for wolves

He gets two wolves, breeds them, and then makes an entire army

If you piss him off bad enough, he will not hesitate to make them all stand, before hitting you, so that they all attack you

He doesn’t play too often, since “school work is more important”, but you probably play, at the minimum, once a week, but most of the time you play twice a week

You would probably end up beating the game, after a few months, but it honestly depends on how often Katsuki decides to blow up your stuff, or just blow up stuff in general

Eijiro Kirishima:

He likes to try and build and make your world look nice, but he really sucks at it, but don’t tell him that or he might get upset. You called something he built ‘weird’ once and he took it personally, and didn’t want to play the game anymore

He’s always sort of got the goal of beating the Ender Dragon in the back of his mind, but he mostly just focuses on building and having a good time

He only has about one, at most two, of each pet, but he gets emotionally attached to them and if one of them dies, he will probably cry, and he also insists on hosting a whole funeral and building a grave for it (honestly, I would do that too, so I can’t blame him)

He also will give you all of his resources, without you asking, and you’ll be like, “Kiri, why don’t you have any armor” and he’s like, “Oh, I gave you all my iron. It’s fine though! Don’t give it back, I can live without armor!”

Then y’all get an aggressive war of passing back the iron between the two of you, until you get sick of it and just take the iron (but you sneak on his phone/computer after he goes to do something and you make him armor and put it on him)

This man protects you with his life, like you’ll be fighting like one skeleton and he’ll be all dramatic and try to protect you

It’ll probably take like a year or longer to beat the game when you’re playing with Kirishima, because he likes to, not necessarily mess around, but he likes to waste time on building useless stuff and playing with your animals and all of that

You two play almost every day for at least an hour, unless you have the day off, then you play longer

He really enjoys playing with you while your cuddling, and it’s one of his favorite things to do

Shoto Todoroki:

He had never played Minecraft but then he saw Kaminari playing it and asked him what he was doing, and then after Kaminari explained the game to him, he went to you and asked you if you’ve played it before and if it was fun

He has no idea what he’s doing, so he follows you around the whole time, as you try to teach him how to play the game

You’re going to have to teach him literally how to do everything, even if it’s simple, he lacks common sense when it comes to these kinds of games

He is the most gullible person too, like if you tell him a certain something about the game, that very obviously isn’t true, he will believe you

Once he gets a hang of the game, he still chooses to follow you around, and if he doesn’t he’ll ask you what you want him to do while you’re off doing something

He doesn’t tame any animals, because he doesn’t really see the point in it

You always have to tell him what he should do, if you don’t then he’ll sit there and just wait for you to tell him to do something

Shoto actually has a lot of fun playing the game, since he’s never played any video games before and as much as he just sits around doing nothing except staring at your screen and waiting for you to tell him what to do, he still manages to have a good time

How long it takes you to beat the game, is solely based on on your pace and your pace alone, since Shoto will just go along with whatever your doing

You two don’t play often, just whenever you two get bored and want to play something together

Denki Kaminari:

Depending on the day, he’s either really focused on actually playing the game, or he’s fucking around the whole entire time

Most of the time it’s the latter though

This man made an entire army of chickens and a very poorly built castle for them as well

He doesn’t tame too many animals, maybe a few of each, but that’s about it

He’s not a big fan of building, unless it’s to do something stupid with the building (e.g. the castle for the chickens)

Freaks out at the sight of any monsters, even though he has no problem killing them

Denki has a tendency to rage when he dies, but it’s never too bad

You guys share all of your resources, and if you try to not share with him, he will bug you until you do (he’s totally willing to share his with you too, though)

He thinks its funny to hide the item you’re looking for in a chest (if it’s like string or something that’s common and easy to get), so you’ll go out and get some, only to come back and find the item you were looking for in the same chest you were looking in before

Plays Minecraft at least two hours a day, but most of the time longer than that

Sometimes he even tries to sneak and play it during class, but the teacher always catches him within like two minutes because he talks to himself when he plays

If I’m being completely honest with you, you and Denki probably never make it to the end of the game because you’re too busy messing around, but both of you are perfectly fine with that

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depressing-debbie · 3 years

Note

Are you still doing the fluff alphabet? If so, could you do Levi?? Thank you 😘

Absolutely! Fluff alphabet masterlist is here

School may be crashing and burning but at least I’ve got time to write :) lmao

I wrote this at 3 AM and I refuse to edit, so enjoy <3

Fluff Alphabet: Levi

A ctivities - What do they like to do with their s/o? How do they spend their free time with them?

I honestly don’t think the activity matters to him. He likes to stay home a lot because it’s easier, and because he feels more comfortable somewhere private. Big fancy dates aren’t super common because he views expensive romantic dinners and such as a cliche that he’s too old and mature for, but if it’s something his s/o would be excited about, he’d be secretly excited to indulge sometimes. He’d also probably enjoy museums and art galleries. But again, for the most part, he just wants to spend time with them, it doesn’t matter where.

B eauty - What do they admire about their s/o? What do they think is beautiful about them?

Levi’s definitely not an appearance-oriented person. Don’t get me wrong, he thinks his s/o is stunning, and he makes sure they know it. But that’s not what he admires about them, their connection is so much deeper than that. He genuinely sees them for who they are and not what they look like, which is why they’re just so beautiful to him, if that makes sense.

C omfort - How would they help their s/o when they feel down/have a panic attack etc.?

He probably panicked the first time he saw his s/o struggling. He’s not the most in tune with his emotions, so he especially doesn’t know how to help others with this kind of thing. But I feel like his protective instincts would kick in and he would actually be really comforting. Most likely, he’d just sit by his s/o’s side silently and make his presence known until they were feeling well enough to talk. At which point he hears them out and offers some advice, of course with the perfect amount of sarcasm and shit jokes to cheer them up a bit. And he’d probably ask them later what they would prefer he do in that situation if it happens again, which of course he would remember in the future.

D reams - How do they picture their future with their s/o?

This is a point of internal conflict for Levi, for sure. After everything he’s been through, again, he’s become pretty emotionally closed off. He can’t really depend on anything or anyone staying in his life for too long because they never have. So it would really take a while before Levi can really start to picture his future with his s/o. Even then, he would feel a bit guilty for allowing himself to indulge in those dreams. But at the end of the day, he just dreams about some sort of stability with his s/o some day. He doesn’t really care about the details, he just wants to know that they’re going to be together, and that they can develop some kind of routine and stability that he never really had in the past.

E qual - Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or rather passive?

It’s definitely equal. Levi shares any decision-making with his s/o, and he’d definitely prefer that they do the same, just because that makes their partnership stronger. Because they are very much a team.

F ight - Would they be easy to forgive their s/o? How are they fighting?

Levi does tend to have a bit of a temper, but it’s not something that he would ever want to bring into his relationship. He doesn’t let either of them fight over something petty just because it’s not worth it. And with a more serious disagreement, he’d try hard to start a genuine discussion about it. Things happen, though, so they obviously get in fights sometimes. Levi can be kind of rude when he gets really frustrated, which is why he tries to avoid it. But he’d never actually say something to hurt his s/o, even when they’re both upset. Usually, even the rare argument calms down enough to be settled rationally.

G ratitude - How grateful are they in general? Are they aware of what their s/o is doing for them?

He is so incredibly grateful for his s/o; he sees and appreciates everything they do for him, and he makes sure it’s known. Explicitly saying something like that makes him a bit uncomfortable, so he finds other ways to silently show his gratitude. He makes sure his s/o’s favorite mug is always clean, and he makes them his favorite blend of tea whenever he sees that they’re stressed out. Just little things that he does to make sure they know he’s thinking about them.

H onesty - Do they have secrets they hide from their s/o? Or do they share everything?

There are pretty much no secrets in the relationship. The past is a little complicated; there are a few stories that Levi probably will never be able to share (or at least, it will take a very long time), and his s/o is more than entitled to keep secrets about their past that they just cannot share. But other than that, it’s an open book. Levi wouldn’t see any reason to lie about most things, unless it’s about keeping his s/o safe, and it would make him really uncomfortable to know that his s/o keeps secrets. Not that there are no boundaries, it’s just that he wouldn’t want to pour his heart out and be vulnerable just to find out that the other person doesn’t trust him as much.

I nspiration - Did their s/o change them somehow, or the other way around? Like trying out new things or helped them overcome personal problems?

I think Levi’s s/o probably helps him a lot, actually. He’s been emotionally closed off for a long time, and being in a relationship with trust and a deep connection would help him to open up a bit and be more vulnerable. He also just lets himself be a bit happier and more optimistic with his s/o, so his life is just a bit easier in general.

J ealousy - Do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

He’d never admit it out loud, but he actually does get pretty jealous. It’s mostly just self esteem issues, not a lack of trust at all. He trusts them more than enough to know that they’re not going to secretly abandon him, so of course he’d never make a big deal out of it (although I think it goes without saying that if someone is hitting on his s/o or something in public and they look remotely uncomfortable, he would go absolutely batshit) But, still, sometimes he can’t help feeling sometimes like he’s not enough for them. He tries to hide it, but it’s pretty obvious that he’s sulking when he’s upset, so his s/o would most likely spot it immediately. And all he would really need is a gentle reminder that he IS enough for them.

K iss - Are they a good kisser? What was the first kiss like?

Alright I’m conflicted on this one. I’m just gonna say it, his first kiss with his s/o was kind of just not that great. He wouldn’t DARE not ask for proper consent, HOWEVER he ended up asking like three times just to make sure it was alright, which made it a teensy bit awkward. Once he finally gave in, he just gave them the teensiest little kiss and that was it for like two weeks. He’s not really great with physical touch so it takes a while for him to get comfortable. His s/o would probably have to take over from there or else they’d never kiss again, but once he gets comfortable, he does fine.

L ove Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

It’s during something incredibly mundane, probably just a car drive or a regular movie night. He’s going about his day when he realizes he loves them, and he’ll be damned if he’s gonna stew on that knowledge for another two weeks just because he’s too nervous. So in the middle of a movie or just like halfway home from the store, he just blurts out “hey, I love you”. It’s completely by surprise, but it’s not like it’s particularly early or far into the relationship, so it makes sense. From then on, he wouldn’t be the type of person to say it all the time (I mean, come on, his s/o should know by now, it’d just be stupid). But he also wouldn’t hold himself back from saying it when he’s feeling particularly grateful for his s/o one day. And hearing them say it back would definitely make him blush just the slightest bit every time.

M arriage - Do they want to get married? How do they propose? What would the marriage be like?

Levi would be absolutely terrified to get married. BUT that’s not to say that he wouldn’t want to. It would take some considering, sure, but especially if it’s something he knows his s/o wants, he’s all in. He’d probably propose in a similar way to how he first said he loves them, except at least just a bit more planned out. It wouldn’t be a cliche grand proposal with doves and rose petals and champagne, that would drive him crazy. Most likely, he surprises them with a homemade dinner, sets the table with candles, and hands them the ring. He’d put on a confident face, but he’s panicking for sure. He’s not really a marriage-y person, so he’s not going to be buying those matching couple towels that have like “mr ackerman” and his s/o’s name on them, and he’s most definitely not giving in to those cheesy weird nicknames (”hubby” makes him glare so hard). But he would love the perceived sense of stability, commitment, and routine that go along with marriage.

N icknames - What do they call their s/o?

Just their name, for the most part. Maybe “love” or “sweetheart”, but he always says that most nicknames are just too cliche. I mean, only lovestruck 20 year olds call each other “babe”, and that is most certainly not their relationship. But, honestly he wouldn’t mind if his s/o gave him one of those cheesy names... not that he’d ever let on to that, of course, but if they happen to figure it out one day... he wouldn’t be mad. Mostly he just loves to hear his name in their voice, so they call each other by their names.

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

The token stoic expression Levi keeps in public isn’t going away just because he’s in love. To an outside eye, absolutely nothing is different. But even in public, his s/o can probably tell. Maybe it’s something about the way his eyes are just slightly warmer, slightly brighter. Maybe it’s because he’s just the slightest bit more willing to talk and hold a conversation when they’re by his side. But when they’re alone, he finally lets down that stone expression, and he’s like a whole different person. It doesn’t happen often, but on days where he’s just absolutely lovestruck, he walks around his house smiling, holding his s/o’s hand, maybe even curling up on the sofa together to nap. On those days, he just kind of lets himself be happy.

P DA - Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag with their s/o in front of others? Or are they rather shy to kiss etc. when others are watching?

Levi’s definitely not a fan of PDA. The relationship isn’t a secret by any means, but he’s also not broadcasting it for the entire world to see. The people close to him know, and that’s plenty. He doesn’t like PDA partly because it’s too vulnerable, but also just because it’s kind of gross and unnecessary to him.

Q uirk - Some random ability they have that’s beneficial in a relationship.

This man has the best memory of anyone you’ll ever meet. It’s honestly a bit unsettling, but he remembers everything his s/o says, and he’ll find a way to bring it up like months later. Sometimes it’s as simple as remembering their favorite food and bringing it to them when they’re stressed out. But it could even be so crazy as them saying in a random conversation in July that they hate when mashed potatoes aren’t totally mashed, and boom, at Thanksgiving that year, they find him mashing the potatoes a little extra just to make sure. (Don’t ask how I came up with that example, my brain is weird.) His mind is a steel trap, and he uses it to his advantage.

R omance - How romantic are they? What would they do to make their s/o happy? Cliché or rather creative?

Cliche romance irritates him so much, he avoids it at all costs, so he’s mostly creative in that sense. He has an eye for picking out ways to make his s/o happy, and even though he doesn’t consider himself particularly romantic, he actually really is.

S upport - Are they helping their s/o achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

Absolutely! Levi wants nothing more than to help his s/o achieve whatever they’re working towards, and he’s completely supportive. Anything he can do, any help or emotional support he can offer them, he’s more than willing.

T hrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I don’t think he’s AGAINST trying new things, but he really just prefers a routine. Again, it makes him happy to have that connection of stability with his s/o, and he feels so much more comfortable knowing he can depend on that.

U nderstanding - How good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic?

He’s very empathetic. He might struggle sometimes with understanding, just because it’s not very likely that he and his s/o have had similar experiences in life, but he knows them like the back of his hand. What he lacks in immediate understanding, he makes up for in conversations about any issues and an ability to read their expressions really really well.

V alue - How important is the relationship to them? What is it’s worth in comparison to other things in their life?

Honestly, if Levi is in a long term relationship with someone, they’re one of the most important parts of his life. He doesn’t make superficial connections, and he especially doesn’t open up to people he doesn’t care deeply about, so it’s safe to say that he values his s/o greatly.

W ild Card - A random Fluff Headcanon.

He buys his s/o flowers once a week. It’s just a little tradition that makes him happy, and he likes seeing that it makes his s/o happy, so he’s kept it going. If they don’t like flowers, then maybe it’s a little trinket they collect, or a cookie from their favorite bakery. But regardless, he hasn’t missed a week since they’ve been together, it’s really important to him.

X OXO - Are they very affectionate? Do they love to kiss and cuddle?

He’s not necessarily an overly affectionate person. There are occasional days where it really just hits him how lucky he is, and he just wants to hold his s/o for a while and not go do anything that day. But for the most part, he’s not clingy in any means, and his s/o would have to initiate most cuddling. He’ll let them know if he’s really not in the mood, but he usually doesn’t mind (because let’s face it he’s a teensy bit touch starved). But yeah, he shows his affection in different ways for the most part.

Y earning - How will they cope when they’re missing their partner?

It’s not really an issue for him. He’s always been an independent person, so even after he lets himself trust that his s/o isn’t leaving him, he’s not going to be that level of dependent on their presence. He probably would have to fill up his schedule a bit more, though, just so he didn’t have too much down time to get all sad and miss them. He’d also probably clean everything in his sight to calm down until they return.

Z eal - Are they willing to go to great lengths for the relationship? If so, what kind of?

He’s zealous for sure, he isn’t about to let go of a relationship that means this much to him just because he wasn’t willing to put in the work. He’d do as much as he could to make it work.

#attack on titan #attack on titan headcanons #aot headcanons #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #shingeki no kyojin headcanons #snk headcanons #levi #levi ackerman #fluff alphabet #levi fluff

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aomineavenue · 3 years

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Summary: Six years ago, L/N Y/N wouldn’t exactly say that she loves her life. It had always been problematic but her best friend, Miya Atsumu, since she was eight when she moved to Hyōgo, has always been there for her, and she wouldn’t change it for the world. However, things would always fall apart for her ever since, so she should have expected of such. Running away from her problems seemed like the easiest route to take at the time, so what happens when the past comes barging back into her life demanding answers? Will she be able to confront her demons?

Pairings: Miya Atsumu x f!Reader

Genre: Angst, ANGST I LOVE ANGST, a lil bit of fluff here and there.

Warnings: Language, etc.

Disclaimer: I do not own any characters except for the reader and my ideas. I do not claim any images used for content in this fic, everything goes out to their respective creators unless it is mentioned that it is mine.

Status: completed. | series masterlist

↩ at peace | dearest daddy

mia speaks!:

okay, wow. So it took awhile for us to get here and I apologize for that but we’re finally done with Homesick, wew. It’s been a challenge but I’m so happy and grateful for all the positivity you guys have been sharing with me. Also, thank you so much for your patience.

It’s been an emotional ride but we’re finally done. There may be a few short stories after this chapter but no promises. Hopefully I get the chance to though, I do want to be able to. But for now, if you guys have any requests for imagines/scenarios with this series, don’t be afraid to send them over!

Also, big thanks to @oii-sugasan and @sunshinesero for beta-reading this for me! I apologize if this chapter is any way lacking compared to the first nine chapters, it’s been awhile since I wrote anything so I hope this was a great way to end this series.

I love you guys so much, I’m so glad to be (sorta) back. I hope you guys enjoy this!

Time was a funny and fickle thing. Sometimes there was never enough of it, and other times it stretched out endlessly. It had been seven months since your life had once again made drastic changes. It often surprised you how time flew by so fast.

Seven months since your two precious boys had been introduced to the man that they now call their father. And well, seven months since you had been reunited with the love of your life. Sure, it had ups and downs, it wasn’t bound to be perfect since the two of you were your own person. It was inevitable for such different personalities to clash, it didn’t help when there were two children present, one of them being as handful as their own father.

Atsumu had shown that he was a doting father, despite only being a part of their lives for less than a year, he had put his new family as his top priority, wanting to make up for lost time. He would instantly drop anything and everything, sometimes even volleyball when he could for times when his family needed him. Not that his new family had been a burden since then, his sons and of course you, have been nothing but loving and supportive. Showing up to games to cheer him on and the twins attending his training to either join or just watch their father and new favorite uncles.

It had been a rollercoaster ride since it was officially announced that Atsumu was off the market and that he actually had sons. Some fans were supportive, believing the news and claiming that both the young twins were striking replicas of the volleyball player. And of course, there were fans that were against it, raging how you were nothing more than a money-grabbing harlot and that you had probably lied to Atsumu about the twins being his.

They were quickly shut down, of course, by not just fans but various people close to the volleyball setter who defended you without you even asking for it. You weren’t going to lie, that particular month filled with venomous words thrown your direction stressed you out but it was mostly because of your motherly instincts, wanting to keep your sons away from such unnecessary drama. You and Atsumu had decided to ignore the majority of the vile comments but seeing you so emotionally exhausted had only fueled the already tiny flame in Atsumu. He was quick to announce that he would no longer tolerate any form of slander towards his family and would handle things legally if anyone were to step out of line.

And by the next few weeks, the hate simmered and the stress that had engulfed you and Atsumu in its grip had vanished. All that was left that made you both worry was Atsuhiro’s health.

Fortunately, Atsuhiro’s sickness didn’t grow worse as time passed by since his first transfusion. If anything, the boy was healthier and it was very much evident in his features. The healthy glow returned to his skin, he was smiling more and had shown his usual energetic-self like before he had fallen ill. Atsumu on the other hand, much to Atsuhiro’s dismay, had started becoming such an overprotective father. It took a lot of begging from Atsuhiko for their father to spend the day outside of the protective bubble of your apartment.

It took time and patience from everyone’s side to get this far, and for Atsumu, (and of course, you) he didn’t mind it one bit. He had grown more mature, despite his twin brother’s disagreements, he not only took care of himself more but he had become a role model to his sons.

Not only that, but as his relationship with his sons grew stronger, the love the two of you had for each other only seemed to intensify as well. Sure, the two of you had ups and downs back then in your friendship but it was as if time and distance hadn’t kept the two of you apart. If anything, it was as if it made your bond stronger. Two best friends, reuniting and finally expressing their true desires, it was easy for the two of you to fall into a comfortable routine.

“Where are the boys of the hour? I’ve been wanting to see how good Hiko looks in my jersey!”

Bokuto interrupts your thoughts for a brief second before you return your focus to your duties of cutting up the vegetables in the kitchen. You can’t help but chuckle at the sour expression that graces Atsumu’s expression as he fills a tray of refreshments on one of the island counters. “Don’t remind me, Bo-kun.”

“You’re just jealous that your sons didn’t want to wear your jersey," he teases, a playful grin on his lips as he lifts himself off of the ground by his hands to sit on the counter.

The scowl on Atsumu's face only deepens at the reminder, "Get off the counter, Bo-kun. Don't be rude. Why don't you actually start to help and give out these refreshments to the guests?"

You watch in amusement as the two exchange their usual banter around the kitchen of your home in Hyogo. It was decided a week ago after Atsuhiro's second transfusion was a success, that the twins would celebrate their birthday back at Hyogo instead of having the guests cramp up in your small apartment in Kanagawa.

It was also then decided by your sons what theme they would be having for their birthday. It was traditional for the twins to have their birthdays themed depending on their current interest. Lately, since the two were very fixated on volleyball due to their new favorite uncles and of course, their father, it was decided that they would be having a volleyball themed birthday where the guests were required to wear their favorite player's jersey.

For a minute, your new friend Bokuto had been rather excited upon hearing the idea.

"So show up with our own jerseys? Great!"

And as for Atsumu, he was excited at the prospect of seeing his own sons wearing his jersey. That is, until his sons destroyed such dreams.

"Are the two of you really sure?" you hear Atsumu's voice echoing from the twins' bedroom throughout the walls of the apartment as you stepped inside, shutting the door behind you as you ventured further into the comforts of your home. “Like really? Those are your choices?”

You grew curious as you slipped out of your shoes and let your hair loose from its tight bun, wincing slightly from your tugging. There was a tinge of whininess dripping from Atsumu’s voice that you couldn’t help but wonder what the three of them were talking about. It wasn’t unusual for Atsumu to be around when you had to work on days where the boys came home from school or when they didn’t have school.

At most times, when Atsumu didn't have training, he would be the one taking care of the boys instead of your mother or Osamu. Majority of his free time away from volleyball was spent with his sons, wanting to make up for the time he had lost. And there wasn't a day where the young twins wouldn't ask about their father and if he was going to visit. It was as if they were scared one of them would disappear, wanting to spend the entirety of their lives together.

"Maybe we can go with superheroes this year!" Atsumu's voice grew louder as you reached the door to the room where they occupied. Leaning against the door's frame, your eyes land on the back of Atsumu's head as he's seated on the carpeted floor facing the twins who were playing with their action figures. A small grin curling upon your lips at the sight of Atsumu’s slightly dishevelled bleached hair.

Atsuhiro, who seems to have the ability to sense your presence, looks up from his toys and in an instant, his eyes widen happily. He was about to greet you but you quickly pressed your index finger against your lips to signal the little boy not to announce your presence just yet, wanting to see Atsuhiko and Atsumu's interaction. The smart little boy that he is, nods and returns to his toys.

"But daddy," Atsuhiko protests, his focus still on the action figures in his hands, "We did superheroes last year! I wanna wear Uncle Bo's jersey!"

You fight the urge to burst out into a fit of giggles as soon as you catch a glimpse of Atsumu slumping his shoulders dejectedly. Now you understand as to why he had his moppy voice on. "But don't you want to wear daddy's jersey for your birthday?"

"But daddy," Atsuhiko lets out a sigh, looking up at his father with a look that meant the little boy wasn't up for any arguments on the matter, "Uncle Bo is the best! So I wanna wear his jersey!"

You could have sworn you heard Atsumu whine, suddenly wishing you had decided to film this from the start. "But it will make daddy really happy if you wear his jersey!"

Atsuhiko shakes his head as he continues to play with his action figures, "But I want Uncle Bo and I to match!"

Atsumu sighs in defeat before turning his attention over to Atsuhiro, looking hopeful. "What about you, Hiro? Would you wear daddy's jersey?"

"No, daddy. I wanna wear Kageyama-san's jersey," he nods with a proud smile, "Wanna be just like him! He's so good!"

"But daddy's just as good a setter as Tobio-kun!" Atsumu cries out, throwing his hands up in the air, "betrayed by my own children. 'Samu isn't going to let me live this down."

This time, you let your presence be known by finally releasing a bubble of laughter. Atsuhiko instantly drops his action figures and rushes over with a happy squeal. Atsumu pivots his body, looking up at you with such a pitiful gaze as he juts his lower lips out ot a pout, "I want new children."

Needless to say, Atsumu had been pouty ever since and has been dreading today due to the reason that every single one of his friends had found out about it. He had tried a handful of times to change their minds, unfortunately, the young twins won't budge.

“It’s not my fault your kids like me better than you,” he huffs, folding his arms across his chest, “I am an ordinary ace after all!”

A scowl graces on Atsumu’s features which causes the other occupants in the room to chuckle in amusement. It wasn’t as if Atsumu didn’t like the idea of his sons becoming close to his teammates, but lately, it was getting harder for the setter to share. “Get your own children!”

“Ah, about that...” Bokuto trails off with a nervous chuckle which causes everyone to fall silent and look at him in curiosity, “I actually will be getting my own child soon, I think.”

“You think?” you ask with an arched brow, “You can’t just think you’re having a child, Bokuto-san.”

Atsumu interjects, “And aren’t you in love with that best friend of yours? What happened to never being with anyone else but her?”

He waves his hand in the air dismissively with a frown etched on his lips, “Well, I can’t exactly be with her when she just got married.”

“You are so getting your ear torn off by the management when this news gets out,” Atsumu snickers, which he earns a smack to his shoulder from you. “Ow!”

You narrow your gaze at your boyfriend, completely unamused with his behavior. “Don't be dramatic, I didn't hit you that hard!" Letting out a huff as you wipe your hands on the apron you were wearing, "You aren’t helping Bokuto, ‘Tsumu.”

His lips curl up to a cheeky grin at the sight of your expression. He leans forward to nuzzle his nose against your cheek, your cheeks growing warm from the public display of affection. His heart swells from your reaction to his gesture, murmuring teasingly, “Sorry, darling.”

“Please, don’t make me barf.” Osamu interrupts with his features scrunched up in distaste from the interaction between you and his brother.

Atsumu sticks his tongue out at his brother who returns the gesture with a shake of his head. His arm snakes around your waist to pull you closer to his side as he returns his attention over to his teammate, “Well, is the woman making you marry her?”

“Making you pay for child support?” Osamu quickly adds.

Atsumu quips with a chuckle, “Threatening to expose your sins?”

You interrupt the two with a glare towards them, “Stop ganging up on him!”

Bokuto lets out a laugh as he begins helping your mother set up the desserts onto one of the trays to bring outside to the guests, “Nothing like that, she’s pretty chill and we’ve gotten pretty close lately. So we’re going to co-parent.”

“That’s very mature of you, Bokuto-kun.” your mother compliments him with a smile before patting his back.

He feels his cheeks grow warm from the compliment, his heart swelling with pride. “Thank you.”

“Maybe you’ll end up falling for her anyway,” Osamu teases with a smirk playing on his lips, leaning against one of the kitchen counters.

He shakes his head at the idea as his brows knit together, “Jess and I won’t fall in love.”

“Jess?” Atsumu blinks at the familiar name before his eyes widens at the realization, releasing his grip from your waist, “Jess, that journalist that you showed around town when she first visited Japan?”

Bokuto nods with a smile gracing his features, “Yeah, she’s pretty cool.”

“Maybe you’ll learn to love her in your own way through your child,” you suggest with a shrug of your shoulders as you began untying the apron you were wearing upon realizing what time it was.

Atsumu shakes his head and responds before Bokuto could utter a single word, “No, no. That’s impossible. Bo-kun’s heart belongs to his best friend.”

“Stop teasing him,” you scold your boyfriend with a shake of your head, handing over the apron you successfully took off, “make yourself useful and help out here in the kitchen,"

"Bu—"

Cutting him off with a stern glare as you lift a tray from one of the kitchen counters and handing it over to Bokuto, a small smile gracing your lips, "Don't mind him, Bo. Can you bring these to the backyard and help out if anyone else needs help? I think Reiji needs a hand setting up the bouncy castle,"

Retrieving the tray from your hands, his eyes lighting up from the excitement, "bouncy castle, you say?"

"That's for the kids, Bo-kun." Atsumu scoffs but soon lets his lips form into a pout when he had been ignored, turning his attention over to you once Bokuto slips out of the kitchen, "Where are you going?"

"I'm going to check on the boys to see if they're ready for their big entrance," you muse with an amused grin. Of course, you knew what your sons had prepared for the big entrance that they insisted. Atsumu had pestered both you and the young twins since he had heard of their plan but as your sons refused to budge, you had feigned clueless, claiming that your sons had opted it to be a surprise.

Little did Atsumu know that you had helped your sons pull off such an idea.

"I don't get why they have to have a big entrance," he sighs, brows furrowing as he racks through his thoughts on what the surprise could be. It didn't help that he was both curious and excited at what his sons might pull off.

Osamu lets out a snort, rolling his eyes at his twin brother as a smirk curls upon his lips, "What do you mean? They're your kids."

"What does that even mean?" Atsumu scowls as he slips on the apron you had handed over, walking over to where your mother was situated to take over what you were doing.

You shake your head at the two bickering older twins and shoot a look of sympathy towards your mother that was going to be left with them in the kitchen before she waves you off. Your heart was swelling from happiness at how natural everything felt, despite the silly banter thrown around. It was home.

As you step into your childhood living room, you're hit with a nostalgic wave from the memories surrounding the whole area. Though it may be a mixture of good and bad memories, since you had come to terms that you were no longer running away from your past, you only feel comfort. You made your way through your childhood home over to the bedroom that had been renovated to the liking of your twin boys.

The mere thought of your boys growing to love the place where you had grown up yourself was enough to bring a smile to your face. You press your knuckles against the wooden door to signal your presence by knocking on it repeatedly, “Are you two ready?” you ask, your voice probably muffled on the other side. Your fingers wrap around the handle of the door and as you were about to twist and push it open, the door instantly snaps back shut with a loud thud. “Can’t-”

“No, mommy!” Atsuhiko screeched causing you to blink from both the surprised force and tone. Pressing your palms and ear against the door to hear what the commotion was all about, you frown upon hearing only their shuffling feet, “What are you two doing? Guests have arrived and your party will be starting soon,”

“We’re almost ready, mommy!” Atsuhiro assures you from the other side.

A chuckle escapes your lips at their antics as you decide to not interfere any further, “Alright you two, just be sure to be out in a few. You don’t want your daddy to come fetch you. It’ll ruin the surprise.”

“Okay mommy!” you heard Atsuhiko yell out, their excited muffled voices purely obvious from the other side that you couldn’t help but smile.

On the other hand, back in the kitchen, the father of your twins was having his own little dilemma back in the kitchen. It wasn’t as if he was uncomfortable being around your mother, but it was more like he felt he was still lacking.

Despite him knowing that your mother and you hadn’t had the greatest relationship when your father passed away, he still wanted to be someone your mother would approve of. He didn’t know whether your mother knew the whole story of the relationship between the two of you but being away from you and your sons during most of their childhood was enough to make him worry. The mere idea of his sons looking up to him sent his heart soaring, but of course, he also wanted your mother to feel secure enough for him to be together with you and the twins.

“I’ll bring out these sliced up fruits outside,” Osamu cuts the clear tension surrounding the kitchen. Atsumu resists the urge to glare at his twin for leaving him behind with your mother, knowing full well that his brother knows his current insecurities. A small smirk graces Osamu’s features but not the obvious one that would make your mother notice.

Atsumu watches his twin slip out of the kitchen with a tray full of food for the guests before flickering his gaze over to your mother situated at the other side of the room, making final touches to the cupcakes. “Is there anything else that I can do?”

Without looking up, a smile etches on your mother’s face. “No, it’s fine. We’re just about done with everything.”

“It looks good,” he states with a nod of his head, not really knowing what to say.

Placing the piping bag to the side, your mother lifts her head up to look towards the direction of Atsumu and wipes her hands on the apron she’s currently wearing, “You know you can always start calling me mom.”

The mere sentence made Atsumu want to leap in excitement, but at the same time he was nervous, a sudden fear of messing things up engulfing him. “I don’t want to overste-”

“Oh please,” your mother waves her hand in the air with a light chuckle, “I’ve known you since you were eight. We’re practically family. So you might as well call me mom.”

Atsumu couldn’t help but let the corners of his mouth tug up to a wide smile, “Alright, mom.”

“I’m really happy that the two of you decided to work things out,” your mother spoke with a smile as she delicately places the cupcakes on the cupcake stand.”

His feet shuffled across the room to help your mother stack the cupcakes onto the stand, “We had to for the kids anyway.”

Your mother hums in thought for a second before responding, “I think the kids were just the push the two of you needed. If anything, I’ve always thought the two of you would always end up together since the two of you always leaned on each other for anything.”

He nods his head slowly, leaning against the counter as he feels his heart swell with happiness. “I guess you’re right, mom. I did lean on her majority of the time when we were growing up. I guess I still am now. I just wish I could make her happy.”

“Don’t worry, you do. Before she left Hyogo, I know for a fact that she was miserable in this house after her dad had passed. You were the only one giving her a reason to move forward,” your mother spoke, sadness dripping from her voice.

A sigh escapes Atsumu’s lips as his features scrunch up to something that resembles pain. “I was also the reason why she left. I may be even the biggest reason why she left.”

Your mother extends an arm out and places a hand on Atsumu’s arm, trying her best to give assurance and comfort, “You weren’t the only reason behind that. I don’t know if she’s told you, but I had neglected her. I’m not proud of it and apologies are probably never enough for forgiveness. I was barely a mother when my husband had passed. I was almost an empty shell and instead of being a moth-”

“Mom,” Atsumu cuts her off and grabs hold of her hand in his own, “Don’t blame yourself. She loves you very much. It’s all in the past. We’ll be able to move forward, we already are.”

The two were interrupted with Osamu’s arrival, knocking by the kitchen’s door frame to announce his return. A smile etched on his lips at the scene before him, “Hey, Y/N wants everyone in the living room. Apparently the boys are ready to make their big entrance.”

Your mother excuses herself as soon as she removes the apron tied around her, excitement clearly evident in her features. Atsumu knew it well, despite the relationship that you had been slowly rebuilding with your mother, she was just as excited as him to have the twins into her life. She has equally doted on, if not more, on the twins ever since and well, Atsumu wouldn’t have it any other way.

Atsumu knew for a fact that you adored the time you’ve been sharing with your mother. As long as you were happy, nothing else mattered.

Osamu gives him a pat on the back, arching a brow in curiosity as they make their way out of the kitchen, “Everything alright?”

Atsumu gives him a nod, giving him the largest grin that he could muster. “Yeah, definitely.”

“You look disgusting,” Osamu jokes, pretending to shudder which causes Atsumu to give him a shove as they step into the living room where most of the guests have already gathered.

“Hey ‘tsumu!” Bokuto calls out from next to you as soon as Atsumu comes into view. “Hurry up! I’m excited to see Hiko in my jersey!”

Atsumu rolls his eyes as he approaches, grumbling to himself. As soon as he reaches your side, he places a quick kiss to your temple before snaking an arm around your waist to pull you closer. “Yeah, yeah. You have to stop rubbing it in. We get it.”

You couldn’t help but let a laugh escape your lips as you lean yourself into Atsumu’s warmth, “Oh come on now you two, focus on the big entrance will you?”

Bokuto just snickers from the side while Atsumu sends him a glare. If you were to describe the two of them, they were practically acting like petty children but you know those two will eventually switch attitudes as soon as your twins step out to make their entrance.

You flicker your gaze over to Osamu who was situated a few steps ahead from your little group, trying his best to act natural with his phone up. The two of you had discussed prior to the party that he would be the one to film the whole thing going on. Your little boys had practically begged their uncle to film their big entrance but mostly, what you hoped Osamu to capture was Atsumu’s reaction.

A part of you expects that he would be a grinning mess at the sight of his kids but also, you’re also hoping he’d be speechless from all the teasing his kids put him through of having to wear someone else’s jersey.

“What’s taking them so long?” Atsumu asks, tilting his head slightly hoping to meet your eyes as his fingers play with the hem of your shirt.

As you were about to answer him, the familiar voices of your two boys echo throughout the room from the top of the stairs. You didn’t even have to look to know about their surprise since you know very well of what they had planned. Well, obviously, you had helped them out with picking up the jerseys that they were going to wear.

However, you had wanted to capture Atsumu’s reaction to your boys with your own two eyes instead of just watching it from a video. And honestly speaking, you didn’t think you’d fall in love with this man any more than you already do but here you are.

Just the mere sight of his features scrunching up to a look of awe was enough for your heart to swell. It looked as if he was close to tears as watches the twins descend the stairs with the prodest smiles they could muster.

You pry yourself away from his side as soon as the twins approach Atsumu, knowing full well what was going to happen as they had practiced what they were going to say. Flickering your gaze over to Atsuhiko and Atsuhiro, seeing them in Atsumu’s high school volleyball jersey made your own eyes water despite the fact that you were the ones who had gotten them the uniform a week ago.

“Wh-What are you guys wearing?” Atsumu almost chokes out his words, “What happened to the jerseys that we bought that you said you were going to wear?”

Atsuhiko throws his arms out in the air, smiling widely. “We changed daddy!”

“We wanna wear your jersey daddy,” Atushiro nods his head enthusiastically, lifting his hand up to grip onto Atsumu’s shirt.

Atsuhiko wraps his arms around Atsumu’s waist, “‘cause you’re our favorite volleyball player daddy!”

The scene itself was enough for everyone to watch in awe, a few of the guests that were invited had their own phones up to capture the moment with smiles on their faces, the others were almost practically in tears themselves, and well there was also Bokuto by the side with his pouty self at the realization that neither of his nephews were wearing his jersey like he thought they would. Atsumu on the other hand, had eventually dropped down to his knees and wrapped his arms around his two boys, burying his face in between them as he let out his own tears stream down his face from the overwhelming joy that coursed through him.

Yes, this is your family.

This is your home.

You stare out the window from the kitchen of your childhood home, a smile on your face at the beautiful afternoon of your backyard full with people you adore and have missed so much.

The party was still in full swing despite the sun about to set, the laughter from the guests and a few children present rang in the air. Happiness had engulfed your heart and honestly, you had trouble believing it yourself but here you were.

You wouldn’t trade this for anything.

An arm snakes around your waist from behind and you would have been startled if you hadn’t felt Atsumu’s presence a minute ago. Despite not having seen each other in years, everything about him was still familiar. Sure, there were a few things about him that you didn’t know but that didn’t mean that he still wasn’t your Atsumu that you’ve grown to love.

“Thank you,” he whispers as he nuzzles his nose into your hair, a smile playing on his lips.

You place your hands atop of his and lean yourself back into his warmth, your brows furrowing in confusion. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For everything,” he lets out a sigh, causing a shiver to run down your spine from the heat radiating from his breath close to your ear, “For giving me two amazing boys and for existing yourself.”

Pivoting your body around so that you were facing Atsumu, your hands settling on his chest as you look up at him with your lips curling up to an assuring smile, “Thank you.”

“And what for?” Atsumu questions, matching your own smile with his own as his hands cup your face. He lowers his head slowly, nudging your nose with his own as the pads of his thumbs brush delicately against your skin.

Heat spreads across your cheeks at his gestures, feeling shy yourself but despite that, the majority of what you felt was only comfort in being in his arms. “For loving me as much as I love you.”

He hums in response, placing a quick kiss to your lips. “No, I probably do love you more. More than you can imagine.”

Before you could respond, he places his lips back firmly on yours and your eyelids flutter shut as if on instinct. The hands of yours that were resting on his chest eventually found their way around his torso to pull him close. Tilting your head to the side, the kiss itself deepens as he runs his fingers through your hair.

It just felt so natural being with him.

Before the kiss could grow more heated however, a loud yell from outside had interrupted the both of you causing you to pull away much to both of your dismay. Your heads turn towards the direction of the commotion, the bouncy castle coming into view.

Or rather, the depleting bouncy castle with Bokuto and Hinata coming out hastily in laughter.

You shake your head at the scene, a bubble of laughter leaving your lips before turning your head back over to look at the man before you. Just when you had decided to pull back and return to your duties of being a mother, he wraps his arms back around your waist to pull you back against him. Another laugh escapes your lips as you playfully slap his chest, “What now? We have a party going on, we have to entertain our gue-”

“Move in with me,” he interrupts, his features showing nothing but seriousness.

You meet his sincere gaze with your own and your heart makes a leap out of joy. There was only one answer you could possibly give.

“Yes.”

#atsumu x reader #atsumu miya x reader #atsumu miya imagine #atsumu miya #homesick #atsumu miya smau

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bananaofswifts · 3 years

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By Paul Tingen

From sketches to final mixes, engineer Jonathan Low spent 2020 overseeing Taylor Swift’s hit lockdown albums folklore and evermore.

“I think the theme of a lot of my work nowadays, and especially with these two records, is that everything is getting mixed all the time. I always try to get the songs to sound as finalised as they can be. Obviously that’s hard when you’re not sure yet what all the elements will be. Tracks morph all the time, and yet everything is always moving forwards towards completion in some way. Everything should sound fun and inspiring to listen to all the time.”

Speaking is Jonathan Low, and the two records he refers to are, of course, Taylor Swift’s 2020 albums folklore and evermore, both of which reached number one in the UK and the US. Swift’s main producer and co‑writer on the two albums was the National’s Aaron Dessner, also interviewed in this issue. Low is the engineer, mixer and general right‑hand man at Long Pond Studios in upstate New York, where he and Dessner spent most of 2020 working on folklore and evermore, with Swift in Los Angeles for much of the time.

“In the beginning it did not feel real,” recalls Low. “There was this brand‑new collaboration, and it was amazing how quickly Aaron made these instrumental sketches and Taylor wrote lyrics and melodies to them, which she initially sent to us as iPhone voice memos. During our nightly family dinners in lockdown, Aaron would regularly pull up his phone and say, ‘Listen to this!’ and there would be another voice memo from Taylor with this beautiful song that she had written over a sketch of Aaron’s in a matter of hours. The rate at which it was happening was mind‑blowing. There was constant elevation, inspiration and just wanting to continue the momentum.

“We put her voice memos straight into Pro Tools. They had tons of character, because of the weird phone compression and cutting midrange quality you just would not get when you put someone in front of a pristine recording chain. Plus there was all this bleed. It’s interesting how that dictates the attitude of the vocal and of the song. Even though none of the original voice memos ended up on the albums, they often gave us unexpected hints. These voice memos were such on‑a‑whim things, they were really telling. Taylor had certain phrasings and inflections that we often returned to later on. They became our reference points.”

Sketching Sessions

“The instrumental sketches Aaron makes come into being in different ways,” elaborates Low. “Sometimes they are more fleshed‑out ideas, sometimes they are less formed. But normally Aaron will set himself up in the studio, surrounded by instruments and synths, and he’ll construct a track. Once he feels it makes some kind of sense I’ll come in and take a listen and then we together develop what’s there.

“I don’t call his sketches demos, because while many instruments are added and replaced later on, most of the original parts end up in the final version of the song. We try to get the sketches to a place where they are already very engaging as instrumental tracks. Aaron and I are always obsessively listening, because we constantly want to hear things that feel inspiring and musical, not just a bed of music in the background. It takes longer to create, but in this case also gave Taylor more to latch onto, both emotionally and in terms of musical inspiration. Hearing melodies woven in the music triggered new melodies.”

Not long after Dessner and Low sent each sketch to Swift, they would receive her voice memos in return, and they’d load them into the Pro Tools session of the sketch in question. Dessner and Low then continued to develop the songs, in close collaboration with Swift. “Taylor’s voice memos often came with suggestions for how to edit the sketches: maybe throw in a bridge somewhere, shorten a section, change the chords or arrangement somewhere, and so on. Aaron would have similar ideas, and he then developed the arrangements, often with his brother Bryce, adding or replacing instruments. This happened fast, and became very interactive between us and Taylor, even though we were working remotely. When we added instruments, we were reacting to the way my rough mixes felt at the very beginning. Of course, it was also dictated by how Taylor wrote and sang to the tracks.”

Dessner supplied sketches for nine and produced 10 of folklore’s 16 songs, playing many different types of guitars, keyboards and synths as well as percusion and programmed drums. Instruments that were added later include live strings, drums, trombone, accordion, clarinet, harpsichord and more, with his brother Bryce doing many of the orchestrations. Most overdubs by other musicians were done remotely as well. Throughout, Low was keeping an overview of everything that was going on and mixing the material, so it was as presentable and inspiring as possible.

Mixing folklore

Although Dessner has called folklore an “anti‑pop album”, the world’s number‑one pop mixer Serban Ghenea was drafted in to mix seven tracks, while Low did the remainder.

“It was exciting to have Serban involved,” explains Low, “because he did things I’d never do or be able to do. The way the vocal sits always at the forefront, along with the clarity he gets in his mixes, is remarkable. A great example of this is on the song ‘epiphany’. There is so much beautiful space and the vocal feels effortlessly placed. It was really interesting to hear where he took things, because we were so close to the entire process in every way. Hearing a totally new perspective was eye‑opening and refreshing.

“Throughout the entire process we were trying to maintain the original feel. Sometimes this was hard, because that initial rawness would get lost in large arrangements and additional layering. With revisions of folklore in particular we sometimes were losing the emotional weight from earlier more casual mixes. Because I was always mixing, there was also always the danger of over‑mixing.

“We were trying to get the best of each mix version, and sometimes that meant stepping backwards, and grabbing a piano chain from an earlier mix, or going three versions back to before we added orchestration. There were definitely moments of thinking, ‘Is this going to compete sonically? Is this loud enough?’ We knew we loved the way the songs sounded as we were building them, so we stuck with what we knew. There were times where I tried to keep pushing a mix forward but it didn’t improve the song — ‘cardigan’ is an example of a song where we ended up choosing a very early mix.”

Onward & Upward

folklore was finished and released in July 2020. In a normal world everyone might have gone on to do other things, but without the option of touring, they simply continued writing songs, with Low holding the fort. In September, many of the musicians who played on the album gathered at Long Pond for the shooting of a making‑of documentary, folklore: the long pond studio sessions, which is streamed on Disney+.

The temporary presence of Swift at Long Pond changed the working methods somewhat, as she could work with Dessner in the room, and Low was able record her vocals. After Swift left again, sessions continued until December, when evermore was released, with Dessner producing or co‑producing all tracks, apart from ‘gold rush’ which was co‑written and co‑produced by Swift and Antonoff. Low recorded many of Swift’s vocals for evermore, and mixed the entire album. The lead single ‘willow’ became the biggest hit from the album, reaching number one in the US and number three in the UK.

“Before Taylor came to Long Pond,” remembers Low, “she had always recorded her vocals for folklore remotely in Los Angeles or Nashville. When I recorded, I used a modern Telefunken U47, which is our go‑to vocal mic — we record all the National stuff with that — going straight into the Siemens desk, and then into a Lisson Grove AR‑1 tube compressor, and via a Burl A‑D converter into Pro Tools. Taylor creates and lays down her vocal arrangements very quickly, and it sounds like a finished record in very few takes.”

Devils In The Detail

In his mixes, Low wanted listeners to share his own initial response to these vocal performances. “The element that draws me in is always Taylor’s vocals. The first time I received files with her properly recorded but premixed vocals I was just floored. They sounded great, even with minimal EQ and compression. They were not the way I’m used to hearing her voice in her pop songs, with the vocal soaring and sitting at the very front edge of the soundscape. In these raw performances, I heard so much more intimacy and interaction with the music. It was wonderful to hear her voice with tons of detail and nuances in place: her phrasing, her tonality, her pitch, all very deliberate. We wanted to maintain that. It’s more emotional, and it sounds so much more personal to me. Then there was the music...”

The arrangements on evermore are even more ‘chamber pop’ than on folklore, with instruments like glockenspiel, crotales, flute, French horn, celeste and harmonium in evidence. “As listeners of the National may know, Aaron’s and Bryce’s arrangements can be quite dense. They love lush orchestration, all sorts of percusion, synths and other electronic sounds. The challenge was trying to get them to speak, without getting in the way of the vocals. I want a casual listener to be drawn in by the vocal, but sense that something special is happening in the music as well. At the same time, someone who really is digging in can fully immerse themselves and take in all the beauty deeper in the details of the sound and arrangement. Finding the balance between presenting all the musical elements that were happening in the arrangement and this really beautiful, upfront, real‑sounding vocal was the ticket.

“A particular challenge is that a lot of the detail that Aaron gravitates towards happens in the low mids, which is a very warm part of our hearing spectrum that can quickly become too muddy or too woolly. A lot of the tonal and musical information lives in the low mids, and then the vocal sits more in the midrange and high mids. There’s not too much in the higher frequency range, except the top of the guitars, and some elements like a shaker and the higher buzzy parts of the synths. Maintaining clarity and separation in those often complex arrangements was a major challenge.”

#taylor swift #folklore

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