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adotblog · 7 years

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Brave Part 16

Pairing: LMM x Reader

Warnings: NSFW, Swearing, Cheating!

Words: Too many!

Uhh, Lin?”, you call from the sofa, where you are nursing a hangover. “Why have I gained 3000 Twitter followers overnight? I feel like that has something to do with you…”. He comes over, still rubbing sleep from his eyes and clutching an empty coffee cup. “I…think I tagged you in something…check your mentions”, he says. Sure enough there’s a tweet from Lin’s mom. You scroll back further and further to find the start of it all. Aha:

@lin_manuel Mmph @ytwitterhandle makes the BEST cookies.

@ltmphd @lin_manuel She does! Also those brownies last week were so good!

Innocent enough but Lin’s eagle-eyed followers had spotted that you’d met Lin’s Mom twice in a week and started putting two and two together in the replies:

@dothama yo, @ninarosario you said you’d heard he got a girlfriend…

@ninarosario @dothama yeah but have you seen her avi? He could have anybody he wants!

And so it went on, Sure there were some nicer comments but there were a lot that were just mean.

Lin finally hands you a cup of coffee as he sits next to you. “Sometimes people can be a little overzealous-don’t read the replies if it upsets you”, he says, with a quick squeeze of your knee. “Yeah, I know I shouldn’t have now..”, you grumble. “Hey”, Lin says, to get your attention back to him. “I’m here, with you, remember?”. “Yeah of course.”, you smile as you put your phone away. But it bothers you more than you admit to him.

—————————————————

It’s Friday and you’re home alone, which is just fine by you. You’ve caught up on some reading, made a great dinner and a tiny serving of cookie dough just for you. It’s late and Netflix isn’t really holding your attention so you’re on and off your social media accounts too.

Lin is out at a party in some nightclub, something hosted by a producer-nothing you’re really interested in attending. Anyway, Lin has been used to going to these things alone so another won’t hurt. Jon is with him and maybe Chris, you can’t remember.

You get a WhatsApp notification from Jazzy, with a photo attached. She’s sent it to your “HamSocial” group- you, Lin, Chris, Anthony, Jonathan, Oak and Daveed. It’s Anthony posing with Cynthia Erivo with the caption “My man’s looking fiiiine tonight! Xoxo”. It’s a cute picture. There are lots of folks in the background, dancing and schmoozing donors and producers. You spot Lin…and the girl he’s kissing.

——————————————————

The next message is from Oak:

“Shit, Jas, how drunk are you? Delete that right now!”

It’s been an hour since the picture showed up. You’ve thought of practically nothing else. Approximately 34 minutes have been spent thinking of all the possible rational, chaste explanations for the photo. The rest assuming the worst and feeling pretty fucking angry about it. You’ve spent no time thinking what you might say to Lin about it all. Which is unfortunate because you can hear a key in the door.

In the ensuing 10 seconds your brain rushes through the following thoughts: He wasn’t meant to be coming over. Usually after these things he just sends a goodnight text. That must mean he wants to talk. Which must mean that the photo depicted EXACTLY what you thought it did.

Then the door opens and his eyes find you and you feel even worse. He looks weighed down. Nervous, sad? Something. You don’t say hello. He closes the door and crosses the room to sit next to you and you try to quiet your brain and still the jiggling of your leg. Lin notices and places a hand on your knee to stop it. You give a tiny, wry laugh.

He looks you straight in the eye. “I need to tell you something.”, he says. You nod, dumbly. Numbly. “Did you see the photo?” he asks outright. You nod again and clench your fists too hard, digging your nails into your palms.

Lin sighs and runs a hand through his hair before meeting your gaze again. What he says next is measured and calm. “The woman is Andrea. She’s a friend of Jon’s friend Amy. They were both chatting with us. We’d had champagne, maybe too much…she’s flirting with me.”. You swallow hard and look at the floor as he continues. “It’s loud, so she leans over to shout in my ear, I don’t hear her so I ask her to repeat it and she just rolls her eyes, grabs me, and kisses me. Took me totally by surprise.”.

You exhale sharply. “That the whole story?”, you ask. “Yes.”, Lin says. Then he rubs a hand across his eyes. “No. It’s not. I kissed her back.”

Your stomach flip-flops. “What?!”, you almost whisper. “Just for a second or two!” You put your head into your hands as he describes what happened. “Then I stopped her, I tell her I have a girlfriend, she laughs and asks why you’re not there”. (You snort incredulously) “I tell her it doesn’t matter, I still have a girlfriend, so I’m not interested. She kind of scoffs at me and flounces off. I told Groff what happened and I left straight away. I got one block before I saw Jasmine’s message and realised she’d photographed the whole thing. So I came here”. He sighs and sits back against your couch.

You take a deep breath but you don’t say anything just yet. Lin is staring at you, desperate for you to speak.

“It was so quick, and I’d been drinking…”, he says feebly. “Oh well that’s ok then”, you goad. “I didn’t ask her to kiss me, it was totally uninvited.”, Lin says, more assertive now. “Look, a woman came on to me, it happens”.

“Oh fuck you! I’m so famous, I’m so popular, women just THROW themselves at my feet!”, you say sarcastically. “For God’s sake, Y/N that’s not what I meant and you know it!”, Lin says animatedly. “Do I?! No I don’t!”, you shout. “This fucking pathological need to be admired and liked is just prime territory for ‘Oh she needed a ride home, Oh she just HAPPENED to come to my dressing room’. Your boundaries are fucked-you’re so eager for the attention!”. “That’s not fair. You make me sound like a fucking creep!”, he returns.

A feeling of dread creeps into your stomach. “Fucking EVERYBODY knows”, you grumble. “I asked Jas to delete the message”, says Lin. “Of course you did”, you scoff. Lin shakes his head “Look, Y/N, I’m sorry, I really am. Someone came on to me, I told them no. End of story!”. “Lin! A picture of my boyfriend kissing someone else was just sent to several of my friends and colleagues-can you just let me be pissed about it?! Will you stop trying to just neatly tie it all up in a fucking bow and move on?! JESUS.”

You’re standing now, pacing alongside the windowseat. You stop as something hits you. “You came when you saw Jasmine’s message.”, you repeat. “So you weren’t going to tell me about this otherwise?! UGHHHH!”, you shout and throw your hands in the air in frustration.

“That’s not what I meant…”, Lin says calmly. “I meant I knew I had to come NOW, not wait til morning.”. You know he’s telling the truth, but it isn’t calming you down yet. Lin just watches you pace, waiting for you to talk. Eventually you stop. Your WhatsApp notifications have been going crazy this whole time and you stop to check them. Jas has sent three messages apologising, saying she didn’t realise, she’d never hurt you, she doesn’t know what happened with Lin and the girl. You send her a holding message, telling her you’re ok-otherwise she’d worry all night.

The other messages are on the group chat-

Daveed: The fuck, Lin?

Chris: Cut that shit out, y’all know Lin ain’t cheating on Y/N. Let’s all pretend we never saw that and mind our damn business, alright?

Lin: I’m going to Y/N’s place now. Nothing happened, and fuck you guys if you did think I’d cheat!

Chris: Alright, that’s it, I’m deleting this group. I’ll create a new one when y’all learn to communicate like fucking adults.

*the administrator deleted this group*

“This is so humiliating.”, you whisper. “Y/N, don’t you trust me?”, says Lin wearily. “It’s not about that, Lin”, you reply. “Of course it is, you either trust that I won’t cheat on you, or you don’t!”, he says, frustration all over his face. “This isn’t about you! It’s about how it makes ME feel! To know that women are just gonna kiss you like that, and that that means I’m relying on you to be sober enough and happy enough to rebuff them. That’s a fucking lot.”, you say as you sit down, still not looking at him.

“Y/N, I didn’t cheat on you-it’s not like I went home with her, like I slept with her”, he says. “I know you didn’t. But here’s what happened: some woman you barely know makes a pass at you and your first instinct is to kiss her back.”, you say. His face drops. “I’m not an idiot, Lin-you’re rich, famous and hot, I realise that people are going to come on to you. What I’m wrestling with is the possibility that I’m not enough, that what we have is not enough, to override that need for validation and stop you from…from kissing back, or worse.”.

“Y/N”, he begins. You interrupt. “I’m sorry, I need you to not be here right now.”, you say calmly. Lin looks up in surprise “Y/N, no!”. You shake your head firmly. “No, go home. I’ll come by in the morning. I need you to go.”. He stands up, looking utterly shell-shocked. “I’ll see you tomorrow”, you repeat as you close the door behind him.

You sit on your window seat and take a deep breath. You see him walking away from your building, phone to his ear, probably talking to Chris. You pick your own phone up and call Jasmine, who answers after just one ring.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry, I had no idea! I didn’t check the photo and..”. “Jazzy, it’s ok, I’m not mad at you”. You hear her sigh with relief. Then she asks “Did you talk to Lin?”. “Ugh, yeah I did. Says this woman came on to him, kisses him, he kisses back for a second then stops her, says he has a girlfriend.”, you sum up.

“Shit. Well, he stopped her, that’s the important thing”., Jas says. “Sure, but he kissed her. What if he’d had more to drink? Where’s the tipping point that makes him go home with her?”, you ask. “Come on, it was just a kiss-it’s not really cheating.”, Jas says. “It’s not that simple.”, you say. “Anyway, I gotta go.”. You reassure her that you’re ok and say goodnight. Then you drag yourself to bed and sleep fitfully until morning.

——————————————————

You’re up early, having barely slept anyway. You get the subway down to Lin’s apartment and ring his bell at just 8am. He buzzes you in immediately and is waiting with the door open when you emerge from the elevator. You give him a small smile and hug him on your way in.

You take a seat at the counter and he sits opposite you, hands clasping his coffee mug. “I didn’t exactly sleep”, he says, gesturing towards the coffee. “Me either.”, you say.

“Look, yesterday was a lot for me. I spent the morning having strangers on Twitter commenting how you can do better, I’m trying to understand how I’m supposed to deal with that kind of attention and then that kind of attention ends up kissing my damn boyfriend.”. Your tone is slightly joking and Lin smiles a little.

“I realise you didn’t intend to cheat on me. I know that most people wouldn’t consider kissing someone back when they came onto you cheating. I don’t, really. You didn’t cheat on me.” Lin nods but let’s you continue. “But. I’m not gonna pretend it didn’t hurt that your first thought wasn’t to push her off you. Maybe that’s naive or unrealistic of me, but that’s how I feel.”.

You sigh before you continue. “I guess what I’m saying is, I got a brutal insight into the shitty baggage that comes with Lin Miranda and it scared the crap out of me.”

Lin gives a small chuckle at your phrasing. “Ok The Twittery, attentiony stuff first. I’m not going to sit here and promise that everything is always going to be rosy for us. People know me, and that means unwanted attention for both of us. Is it easy? No. But there’s not a great deal I can do about it except compartmentalise where I can-try to keep you protected from as much of that as possible.”.

He waits a beat, then says “Last night. I might not have cheated, but I overstepped a mark. I should’ve shut that shit down immediately. I’ve been trying to remember, did I flirt with her? Lead her on? I don’t think I did but what you said yesterday about my boundaries being fucked up was painfully true. I do want everyone to like me and it does land me in trouble sometimes.”

You nod. “I know that you’re gonna be wondering if I kissed her back because I’m secretly unhappy”, he says. That hits you like a ton of bricks. He has you all figured out. “I promise you that if I’m not happy in our relationship then I’ll tell you, you’re not going to find that out by discovering me cheating on you.”. You go to say something but he cuts you off. “I know, I know that’s exactly what happened to you before, but I’m not like that, and you do know that. I see how scared it makes you, but I think you know I wouldn’t.”, he says.

“I think I do know that. But all this attention, and the shit that goes with it…I don’t know how well I’m going to handle that.”, you admit. “Me either, and I’m not gonna apologise for other people’s actions, present or future”, he says. “But I apologise for last night, and I promise you it’ll never happen again.”.

“Ok.”, you say. “Ok? We’re good?”, he asks, voice tinged with hope. You nod and say “I’m still gonna be a little pissed but I’ll get over it”, you shrug. Lin’s composure finally breaks as he exclaims “Thank god!” and rushes to your side of the counter, wrapping you in a hug. He pulls back and kisses you firmly and briefly. “I’m not sure I deserve you”, he says. “Eh, I’m not sure you do either”, you joke as you go to kiss him. “I love you”, you say.

Lin’s face is pure relief. He sighs. “I love you too. You’re the only person I want to see naked”, he says with a grin, trying to make you laugh. It works. He takes you hand and tugs at it. “What, right now?”, you laugh. “Uhh can you think of a better time for me to demonstrate that I’m interested in only you?” he jokes. “Lin, I don’t need you to demonstrate anything…”, you protest even as you fall into his arms. He kisses you and says against you lips “I know that, I just really badly need to fuck you right now, is that ok?”. You answer by leading him towards the bedroom.

You strip off your clothes and fall back onto the bed holding out your hand for him to come to you. He sheds his clothes and climbs onto the bed to hover over you, settling between your raised legs. His pelvis is against yours, skin on skin. He’s already hard, and every movement rubs against you in all the right places. His head dips to yours and he spends the longest time just kissing you, slow and soft turning to fast and desperate as your bodies grind against one another.

For a second he stills his hips, pulls his head back to look at you, really look at you. He gently pushes your hair away from your face and smiles as he runs his thumb over your cheek bone. Then his hand is in between your bodies and he’s pressing straight into you. There’s no foreplay, save the kissing, so desperate is the pull to be joined together again. You give a moan as his full length is inside you but any further sounds get muffled by kisses.

There’s barely an inch of your body which isn’t pressed into his, your breasts against his chest, arms linked around his neck as he moves in you. He never stops kissing you, and you’re glad of it-you need so badly to really feel him, to feel the lust and love between you. He’s been keeping a steady rhythm, just barely withdrawing on each thrust, filling you exquisitely. You cross your legs behind his back, hardly a sliver of light between your bodies now. He responds with an increase in pace, which sends him over the edge. He moans into your kiss as he cums, hips stuttering against yours, ecstasy all through his voice. He collapses on top of you as he recovers, laying a kiss or two against your neck.

After a minute he rolls off you, then recaptures your lips. His hand at the side of your face holds you in place. Your tongue is on his and you lay a hand across his belly, feeling the muscle underneath.

Pulling away from him, you settle into the crook of his arm. “Love you”, you state simply. “Te amo”, he says as he wraps both arms around you and holds you tight.

#lmm x reader #lin x reader #lin manuel imagine #lin manuel x reader #rpf #hamilton rpf #reader insert

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