victoriahillington

[victoriahillington]

Team First vs. Team Only

In her acceptance speech, reflecting on the historical nature of her being the first woman to be elected the Vice President of the United States, Kamala Harris made a promise:

 “While I may be the first woman in this office, I will not be the last.”

 Women the world over are overjoyed and empowered to see her take this office, to be selected by President-elect Joe Biden and then to be chosen by so many million American voters. Watching her stride powerfully onto that stage in bold suffragette white, radiating joy and speaking with passion from a place of love, we all rejoiced.

 “Mommy look, that woman watching her is trying not to cry,” says my young daughter, then turning to me puzzled, “Mommy - are you going to cry?”

 “I might just darling,” I said to my daughter with a smile, a lump the size of Georgia in my throat, “this is a moment you will talk about with womankind forever”.

 And then most joyously of all, Kamala the Fierce, the brave warrior who politely but firmly (“I’m speaking”) held her ground and singlehandedly held space for herself and for all women, against a legion of men that attacked her for it, acknowledged she “stood on the shoulders” of those women who came before her, thanked those of all genders who helped her shatter that very thick glass ceiling and promised that there will forevermore be glass on the ground: shimmering glitter to pave the way for so many dreams of “little girls” but also for women everywhere.

 In so doing, she vowed that she will not be “the one who got through” but instead she will be “one who leads through”.

 All hail Kamala Harris, the fearless new Captain of Team First.

 “Wait - what is Team First?” you ask.

 High achieving women fall into one of two camps: Team First and Team Only. When a woman finds herself the sole woman in a situation, having broken through the systemic, misogynistic barriers, the motto of Team First women is:

 “I will be the first and there will be a second, and a third, and so on, and on, and on.”

 Team Only Women tell the story of the careers far differently: “I was the only woman executive,” “I was the only woman on the account,” “I was the only woman in the boardroom”. For the women of Team Only, their career victories become fixated upon being the only woman to achieve as they have, their sense of identity entrenched in the victory of being the only that another woman coming along threatens the entire narrative of their existence.

 “Who would I be if not the only!?” Team Only women worry.

 To the Women of Team Only, an invitation that has always implicitly been there but now, as we come together to launch maximum impact from this moment of social progress, let us make our invitation overt and blunt:

 Please, come join us.

 There’s room for us all on Team First and endless important, critical races to run. We will continue to acknowledge the obstacles you overcame, the pain from the traumas, perhaps unspeakable, still wounding you. Your power will not be diluted by reaching your hand down and helping other women up, yet your legacy will be enriched: she who did the impossible twice: by making it through, and by helping others.

 To the Women Opting Out of Working, an invitation:

 Please, come join us.

 You can choose to be dedicated to your homes and your families fulltime, and still support all womenkind. The stay-at-home moms that help working moms are indispensable and we are deeply indebted to you. Pass me the hammer while I chip away at this ceiling and together we will make a better world for all our daughters while showing them that Women Support Women.

 To Women Everywhere, and allies of all genders, an invitation:

 Please, come join us.

 Against the backdrop of a 1-in-a-100-year pandemic that threatens to set back the progress of working women by more than half as many decades, we need to join forces. We need to support one other, and support us all, and we must realize both the opportunity and the desperateness of this moment.

  Team First: for the firsts, and the seconds, and the thirds, and so on, and on, and on…

 ~Victoria

[victoriahillington]

Inspired by Jacinda Ardern: Why Shouldn’t I Be ‘So Good’ at Something? Why Shouldn’t You?

Today, the Honourable Jacinda Ardern won a landslide victory in her beloved New Zealand. The youngest female head of state and only the second woman ever to bear a child while in office, the internet abounds with memes of adoration and appreciation, like this: “Congratulations to Jacinda Ardern for her second term win, in a landslide victory. She is the first prime minister to have dealt with a major terrorist attach, deadly volcanic eruption and pandemic all in her first term. All while holding a baby.”

 Adoring Jacinda Ardern is pretty much a binary experience. On the one hand, the awe, inspiration and joy from worshiping at the alter of one who deserves the adulation. On the other, the guilt, shame and frustration realizing she is younger and achieving more, doing more, being more in her life. Somehow the two muddle and I wonder: she’s doing things that so many people (**men**) with decades more political and life experience can’t seem to do (banning assault riffles and eliminating covid-19 top the list) while balancing time with baby, leading with a stated commitment to compassion, speaking eloquently about the Easter Bunny to frightened young kiwis during this 1-in-100-year pandemic, meanwhile I’m eating a bag of sweet heat doritos in frayed pajamas pants contemplating deep thoughts like, do I really have to brush my teeth? 

One of these things is not like the other.... Why is that? 

It would be so cheap and easy to say it was opportunity or birthright. 

Undoubtedly, Jacinda Ardern is so great. No: so, so great. Why shouldn’t I be so great too? Why shouldn’t you? There isn’t a finite amount of greatness, no cap on the number of spots on TeamSoGood. Jacinda Ardern wasn’t born into being Prime Minister. She worked her damn ass off. The difference between those on TeamSoGood and those spectating TeamSoGood is that those on the team show up to practice. We’ve all been SoGood, sometime. We know what it takes. And most of what it takes kind of sucks some of the time. The players of TeamSoGood endure endless days full of drills, running wind-sprints, practice, practice, practice and learning. They are knocked down and get up, and get up and get up. They get up despite exhaustion, with mud on their face, physical and mental fatigue and hurt in their hearts. They get up because the hunger for those ambitious goals, those ones way out there that you can barely see, overruns the exhaustion. Because the commitment to purpose pulses with the blood coursing through their bodies, drowning out the doubts and washing away Imposter Syndrome. And metre by metre, or inch by inch, they get closer and the goals get clearer. TeamSoGood players focus on the doing, not on the not doing. They don’t bother to complain about the circumstances, criticize the opponent or whine about the referee – it is all a waste of time and energy, the most precious of resources.

Let’s go for it, you and I, let’s concoct impossible dreams and let’s move towards them, inch by inch. Because I cant bear to waste this one precious life wondering why I’m not doing anything worthy of my SoGood chance.

 xx,

Victoria

p.s. occasionally, I bet even Jacinda Ardern sits on the couch in frayed pajama pants, eating doritos and queries just how important brushing her teeth is… those pearly whites, prominent in her warm, reassuring smile.